#if you thought i was over mommy pickles

[thatwritingho]

WIP

I still feel like crap, so have another wip. Some Relish strapwarming.😏🥒🫒

.

Pointed black nails dug into freckled shoulders as Olive lowered herself on the strap, the silicone stretching her to an almost uncomfortable degree.

Of course, he picked his biggest one for this.

Of course he did.

Pickles grinned wide, an infuriating twinkle in his eyes with his next words, "Aw, what's wrahng, babe? Too big?"

With a roll of her eyes that ended in a halfhearted glare, Olive shook her head.

"Yeah? Yah sure you can take it, pretty girl?"

"Shut up."

Pickles snickered, the wood of his drumsticks cool against her side as he gripped her hips and thrust up, the movement rocking the stool they perched upon. Wide green eyes met equally wide black, before Olive's face dropped into an unimpressed stare that left Pickles dissolving into weed-fuelled giggles.

"Pickles, I swear to god, If you knock us over while we're doing this-"

"Yeah? What're yah gonna do?"

A pierced brow was raised, crooked grin curling his lips as he waited, words abandoning her. Embarrassment flushed her face as Pickles guided her farther down onto the strap, gaze never leaving her own.

"Um…"

Snaking an arm around her waist, Pickles leaned in close, Olive's breath catching as his eyes darkened, voice low with his simple command, "Sit down."

Heart hammering in her chest, Olive lowered herself the rest of the way, biting her lip and gripping the front of his shirt as it bottomed out.

"All da way in?"

"Mmhm."

"Good girl."

Pickles brushed a few stray curls out of her face, bumping the tips of their noses together before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"You two babes all set?" Dick's voice came through from the playback mic.

"Almost!"

Sparkling green eyes cut down to her.

"Yer gonna wanna hold on tight, baby. I'm naht goin' easy on yah."

Of course he wouldn't.

God, she wanted to move so bad. She felt full to the brim, breathing a slow, deep breath as she buried her face in his neck, arms coiling around him.

"Is this ok?"

Pickles hummed in confirmation, kissing the side of her head as his arms released her. Shuffling into position, he nodded to Dick, Olive whimpering as the movement shifted the toy inside her.

Oh, sweet fuck, how the hell was she going to survive the wild way Pickles drummed with this thing so deep in her?

"Perfect. Now, be a good girl and stay still fer mommy while he works."

[the-flaneur]

lights, camera...cook? (mv1) | pt2

pairing: max verstappen x east asian twitch chef!reader [smau]

summary: max does not know how to cook. luckily, his next-door neighbour and resident internet chef might be able to help him out of his pickle. quite literally.

warnings: none (i think)

wc: 1716 + social media posts

a/n: thank you for all the support and love for pt1 ❤️ - hopefully pt2 is just as entertaining :)

additional pic creds: toka (youtube)

[prev] [masterlist] [requests]

-> twitch, cooking mommy

-> twitter

-> irl

“Mate, are you sure we’re supposed to get up at 6am to meet her? I need to sleep,” Lando whines over the phone, as Max rolls his eyes.

“She’s giving you the opportunity to eat at a Michelin star restaurant and you’re saying no,” Max snaps back, toying with Sassy, who’s climbed onto his lap from his gaming desk.

“Well count me in. Alexandra’s been pestering me to ask you if she could visit the restaurant and meet her as well. She’s a massive fan already,” Charles grins as Alexandra laughs at his quip

“When we all meet her,” Max says, “you can ask her. I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

“Fine I’ll go then. Meet at the restaurant?” Lando groans.

☆

In the early dawn of the crisp December day, there were very few passerbys on the street. Those that were there, their eyes lingered on the small group standing at the entrance to Le Louis XV. It was Max, Lando and Charles, standing awkwardly and awaiting your arrival. 

You and Max had been exchanging a multitude of texts, ranging from cat pics to his maxplaining of F1 technicalities to the best recipes for homemade stroopwafel. Max would even say (hopefully), that the two of you had even begun delving into the domain of flirty friends, with your quick wit and humour, a complement to Max’s deadpan yet very humorous attitude. 

You had mentioned off-handedly wanting to meet Max in real life. It had gone on throughout the entire week, before you had invited him out to lunch at Le Louis XV. 

At first he was ready to excitedly accept your invitation; he had never actually met you in real life and really wanted to talk to you about you. But when he had stopped and actually re-read your message, his doubts about your intentions began creeping in.

What if you were only there to help him cook? What if he had taken it the wrong way? What if you didn’t actually like him, like he thought? Just wanting to be friends? What i-

Max, he chided, you’re being ridiculous. But just for good measure, he surmised, he invited Charles and Lando too. And that’s how he dragged them both (well only Lando, Charles had come quite willingly) out to a lunch “date” with the four of you.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late, the babies refused to let me leave this morning,” you yelled as you ran up to the group. 

Max was in awe.

You were gorgeous. He had already seen your pictures on your Instagram and on Twitch, but you were a real knockout in real life. Not in like the high-end supermodel way (although Max would’ve loved to see you grace the cover of a magazine if he was a horny teenager), but in the way which it felt like you were an angel on Earth, delicate and pretty, and a smile as innocent as-

“FUCK!” you swore, accidentally stumbling down the last step before the restaurant’s entrance. Max rushed forward to catch you and your bags, as they went flying towards the group. As he caught you in his arms, you looked up at him and grinned. 

“Did I fall for you?” you laughed, allowing Max to push you back up as you graciously took your bags back from him and gave him a tight hug.

“Hi Maxie. Hello Charles and Lando, nice to finally meet you! Max has loves to talk about you guys-” 

“Hi,” Max blushed at the nickname, avoiding the smirking glances of Charles and Lando as they watched that interaction. Charles and Lando quickly shook your proffered hand, before trailing behind you as you unlocked the door to the restaurant.

The intense decadent and luxury was not lost on the three, as you ascend the gilded ornate stairs. The walls were lined with classical paintings, china and candles; the Le Louis XV was truly a stark contrast of the modest personality of its namesake, instead harkening back to his predecessor, Louis XIV. Afterall, one must live according to la dolce vita.

As you began rambling on about the history and position of the restaurant in the heart of Monaco, from beside you, Max stared longingly. You were literally perfect, a great cook, funny, witty, a great conversationalist and listener, and a cat lover: what more could he want in someone?

“He’s never going to stop talking about her, is he?” Charles laughs, watching the two of you converse intensely about the climate and geography of Monaco and its food production. 

“No way mate,” Lando smiles, watching you blush at Max’s comments.

☆

“I’ve just prepared a small meal for us. It’s a bit more difficult deciding what to cook for three F1 drivers, considering our usual guests,” you smiled, pushing over a series of dishes on a cart. Their eyes bulged out when they saw your “small meal”, which actually consisted of at least eight different kinds of cheese, six starters and seven mains and a tiered display of an assortment of desserts, no less.

“Max already warned me about your…distaste for fish, Lando. So don't worry about the fish-looking dishes. They’re definitely not what you think they taste. Like this one is actually veal grilled with chard and girolle mushroom,” you gestured towards a gorgeous dish, plated with golden mushrooms and deep maroon chard. 

“Now enjoy the cooking of Le Louis XV!”  

The three men could definitely see why you were the executive chef of the three Michelin star restaurant. Between quiet conversation about everything and anything, every bite was desired and savoured, the flavours exploding on the tongue or simply melting off the dish.

The cheeses were flavoursome, some creamy and others intense, but all gorgeous with a pairing of wine (or gin and tonic in Max’s case). The starters and mains were all cooked to perfection, tender yet firm, and packed intensely full of rich aromatics and spices. The desserts were truly the cherry on top, light and fluffy, beautifully contrasting the mains.

The conversation quickly turned to you, with Lando and Charles interrogating about your life, career and everything in between. Max had tried to stop them from grilling you too much, but you seemed to enjoy all the questions, answering each one with a laugh and a smile. You were not starstruck by the trio, but appreciated their deep friendship and care for one another, especially as they asked about you and Max. You enjoyed the company of people who genuinely seemed to like you and your cooking, and it was one of the happier lunches at the restaurant in the past year.

Your mind wandered off as the three began talking about the upcoming 2024 F1 season (despite it still being another three months away). Although you and Max had not said anything yet, you knew there was a deeper connection just waiting to blossom.

It was just a matter of time.

☆

“It was lovely meeting you two today, hopefully we can catch up soon enough. I’ll message Alex for a lunch date Charles,” you promised, gifting them both a small boxed cake, before heading off with Max.

“Now to your apartment, my lady?” Max joked, as you started to enter your address in his GPS. Although he knew Monaco like the back of his hand, he didn’t want to accidentally drop you off on the other side of the country (even if he wanted to spend more time with you).

A small ding alerted Max’s attention back to you, and his eyebrow furrowed when he read the display on the screen.

“DESTINATION: HOME”

“You live here?” you both turned to each other, surprised. Max had no idea that you lived in the same building as he did, while you were surprised that you hadn’t already recognised the view from Max’s apartment in his streams and photos. 

“When did you move in? I swear I’ve never seen you before,” Max asked, slowly pulling away from the curb and back onto the road.

“Well I trained in Lyon for three years, then I moved to Marseille for six months before I visited Monaco. My father’s old friend Ducasse then asked in 2018, if I wanted to become his apprentice at the restaurant, and train to become the executive chef eventually. So I left and moved to Monaco in 2019,”

“And you’ve been living and working here ever since?” Max sighed. If only he had maybe stepped outside his apartment more than three times excluding the F1 season, he could’ve met you a lot sooner.

☆

Entering the elevator, you and Max both moved to press your apartment number on the panel, your fingers brushing against each other as you pressed adjacent buttons. You quickly tore your hand away, hiding it behind your pants, as the elevator began to move upwards.

“What a coincidence that we live beside each other,” you awkwardly laughed, staring at yourself in the mirror. The elevator was once again filled with quiet silence, as the elevator near the top.

“Hey…”

“Max…”

“Oh you go first,” you laughed, staring up at Max.

“IreallylikedyourcompanytodayIwaswonderingifyouwantedtogooutonadatelikejustthetwoofus?” Max said hurriedly, his eyes straying from your gaze. You let out a small gasp, before a beaming smile was plastered across your face.

“I would love to, Max! I thought you would never ask,” you smiled bashfully, grinning at him as the doors opened.

The two of you walked out and awkwardly lingered in the hallway between your two apartments, not wanting to say goodbye just yet. “Thank you for today Max. I can’t wait to see you again,” you smiled, placing a quick kiss on his stubbled cheek. His eyes widened before looking down at your playful ones which sparkled in the light. A hot flush spread across his face, his hand reaching out to grasp your own. However, you quickly stepped back from his grasp, skipping down the hall to reach your own door.

“Also Maxie, I would love for you to come by my apartment some time,” you giggled, waving at him, before you closed your door behind you. Max stepped into his apartment and with a blush and a grin out into the Monaco harbour, he was struck with a sudden realisation.

It wasn’t just a major crush. He was in love.

[next]

series taglist

@lyannesworld @heavy-vettel @bloodyymaryyy @therealplaguedoctor @gigigreens

© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.

[luveline]

more girl dad! hotch plsssss 😫😫😩😩😩

hotch navigates his small family ♡ mom!reader, 1k

Hotch speaks with a softness you could spin into silk. "That's okay, sweetheart. You fill this one out for me next." 

You peer through the small gap in the door. Hotch is sitting behind his desk with a case file open in front of him, though you assume any photographs are sequestered away, because in his lap sits a small girl, a toddler with dark, neat hair and a matching frown. 

"This one next," she says, picking up her crayon. 

"That one next. Good job, I'll be finished in no time with you helping me." 

"And we can have… uhm…" 

"Rusks?" 

"Yes, please." 

Hotch leans down to kiss his daughter's small head gently. "You're so polite. How about we leave all this grown up work and get you a rusk now?"

She turns on his leg to slouch into his stomach. Hotch picks her up, the sleeves of his shirt tightening at his biceps as he wraps them behind her back and under her butt, pushing the office chair aside with a careful leg. 

He sees you in the doorway and smiles. 

"Hi, Mr. Hotchner," you say. 

"Hi, mommy," he says, directing Jane's little body your way so she can see you where you're standing outside of his home office. "What are you doing?" 

"Just coming to check on you both. And I need help with something." 

You've stopped expecting him to pass you whatever kid it is he's carrying anymore. When Aaron is home, he's home, and he's dearly attached to his young daughter. He'd be attached to Jack if he weren't constantly out in the backyard looking for toads. He kisses your cheek, careful not to squish Jane between you. "What do you need help with?" 

"I can't get the lid off of the pickles and I promised Jack I'd get him the biggest one." 

"Why are our children so hungry?" he asks, putting his hand behind your shoulder as you walk down the stairs together. "Could it be because they both refuse to eat their breakfast, even when mommy says you'll regret it?" 

"Breakfast?" Jane asks, blinking owlishly. 

You smile at her. "No, sweetheart. Let's have rusks and milk, should we? With honey. Dad's gonna make it just the way you like it." 

Jack is back in the house tracking mud footprints over every inch of the kitchen. Only then does Aaron pass you Jane. She's light and easy to hold, she doesn't wriggle or gripe. Despite her resting frown, she's a happy girl who's content to be passed from person to person. "Daddy?" she asks. 

"Two seconds." Jack stands guiltily by the fridge, looking down at his shoes and then up at the ceiling, like looking away will get rid of the mess. "Jack, we've talked about this. You can play in the yard when it's wet if you take your shoes off before you come in."

"Well, I thought my shoes would be more dry," Jack says. 

"You can't leave water everywhere. What if Y/N slipped while she was carrying your sister? Then they'd both be hurt." 

"I guess," Jack says. 

"We're gonna have to mop it up. You can help me, buddy. You remember where we put the mop bucket?" 

You prop Jane on the island by the sink basin. She immediately puts her hand under the faucet, fascinated by the automatic water. "Wow, lots of fuss," you say. 

Aaron helps Jack take off his messy shoes and puts the mop bucket into the basin with a heap of praise for Jane's assistance, such a good helper. He lifts Jack up to squirt cleaner into the water. He's still laughing when he sets him down. 

"Rusks, dad?" Jane asks. 

Aaron almost barrels you over trying to hold her, lifting her back into his arms to kiss her soft cheek. "I am, I promise." He gives you a pleading look. "Honey–" 

"Yeah, okay. I never do the mopping, anyways. Me and Jack will learn together." 

You can hear him drowning Jane in love and sweetness as you and Jack get to work. "It's like this, babe, we push the mop head into the drain so we can soak up all the muddy water, then rinse and repeat." You drop your voice to a whisper, hands slack on the handle. "Don't worry, I'll do all the hard work." 

"Can we still have pickles?" Jack asks. 

"Of course we can. Dad's not mad, he just doesn't like the mess. Quicker we clean up, the sooner we can have a snack. You're not super hungry, are you?" 

"I'm starving." 

You put the mop back in the bucket, looking Jack up and down. He looks like he could use some proper warming after his time outside in the late September cold, pale cheeks rosy and his nose kissed with chill. 

"Aaron? Me and Jack have to pause the mopping, we're hungry." 

"Pretend I believe you and sit down. I'll make you something." 

"We really are hungry, dad." 

Jack takes your hand and pulls you toward the kitchen table. It's an organised chaos, your work things, Aaron's coat, Jack's science project. Underneath it lays a carpet of baby toys and Jane's washables; she plays under the table often to be close to her dad when he's working and you're cooking, or he's cooking and you're reading. 

You put him in a seat next to the highchair where Jane spoons warm rusk-mush into her mouth hurriedly. Aaron has secured a baby pink bib around her neck with a safety pin and filled her little sippy cup with watered down orange juice. She looks as happy as you've ever seen her as she misses her own mouth. 

You fill Aaron's seat as he vacates it to watch her. You and Aaron are good at filling each other's gaps, parenthood akin to the world's most loving game of musical chairs, and you're just as good at being together, you'd say —he squeezes your shoulders as he leans down. "For the record, you know how to mop. I just don't see why you should." 

"That's the right idea," you say happily, laughing as he kisses your cheek. 

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Wife: The Duck Dilemma, Resolved

Joel Miller x F! Reader

not necessary to read but here's Part 1

Summary: Joel explores new ways to get the Ducks out of the Miller house once and for all

- - - -

When Joel wakes up, there's a blurred yellow fuzz thing—a fucking duck—standing on his chest, staring down its brown and yellow stained bill right along his own snout and directly into his soul.

"Dinner," he grunts with a sneer.

The little duckie utters an unbothered quack and hops off to the side. If only to its death over the cliff of his bedside edge. Only not so, for Sarah, who's standing by his side of the bed, scoops her up safely in her careful grasp. She leans on her tip toes and kisses Daddy on the cheek, and then holds the duck expectedly to his face with her big beady round baby eyes.

He grits his teeth, his chest grumbling with contained annoyance. 

His daughter, the light of his fucking life, only leans closer to him, Duckie held high with expectant gleam. Letting out a quick sigh, he makes quick work to peck its fluffy little self on the forehead. 

And one by one, he does so for all 6 ducklings she raises up to his lips carefully. He’s kissed more duck heads than he’s ever wanted to in his whole life now. 

She sets the last one down on the floor and walks away, a trail of 6 duckies following her with their aide to side waddles.

How she and you came up with the names Eenie Meenie Miney, Pickles, Pringles, and Presto, he will never ask. They all look exactly the same but somehow Sarah can tell them apart. 

Although, Sarah has called them EE, MEE, My, Picole, Pingle, Pwesto.

God Bless her.

“This one is Pringles—no wait that’s… that’s uh. Eenie? Wait Meenie?” You’re holding three in your arms, lifting them closely, trying to find the identifiable marks you’ve used as cheat sheet to remember them. Failing miserably. 

“Pwesto!” Sarah clarifies, stomping her foot and taking her baby duck back into her arms. They always nibble at her ear lobes, causing the little child to erupt into giggles.

“She’s making it up, I swear. She doesn’t know which ones are which…” you whisper to Joel.

“Just admit you can’t keep track of your hoard of children you keep bringing into this house.”

You frown. “I want 12 more kids from you. So lift your skirt and get to baby stuffing,” you say snakily, slapping his ass.

He sips his coffee with massive bags under his eyes as two ducks sit on top of the stove.

Some thoughts, albeit as brilliant as they are, would get him sent straight to hell. Like the one swimming in his brain at the opportunity right now.

He glances to the left, then right, then slowly reaches for the gas igniting knob along the stove top. Directly below the unsuspecting ducklings…

Threatening growls come from the floor below. He rolls his eyes and backs off with his hand in the air to show retreat, as fearsome Mommy number 2 (3?) Spoon here comes to save the day.

“Ya used to be on my side, lady,” he hums to the dog.

And it’s true. Spoon didn’t know how to react at first. She went from single pet baby sitting a little girl to being swarmed by 6 freaky little two footed flap flaps, the weirdest looking puppies she’s ever seen. When they crowded and yapped incessantly around her, she kept picking her feet up and backing up to avoid them, but they all just kept coming at all angles all over. At one point from sheer curiosity, she hesitantly puts one in her mouth.

 Sarah screamed at the top of her lungs and pointed to Spoon accusingly.

 "Yes good Spoon! That's good girl!" Joel claps quietly. He knows you two wouldn’t blame innocent Spoon if she accidentally ate a duck or half dozen. 

Unfortunately, Spoon does not like the sensation of the duck eating out her extra snack crumbs sitting in her teeth, instantly spitting the little guy out like a bowling ball. She jumps on the couch to avoid the rest, and they all flail helplessly trying to reach her. 

By the next day, Joel prayed maybe Spoon decided she wanted a late night duck-goulash and had swallowed his 6 new problems. Instead, you found the ducks nested tightly against Spoon’s body, sleeping into her heated belly like her own little babies.   "Cmon girl not you too,” Joel says, but Spoon growls at him  when he tries to take them away. She doesn't mind when they yap and tap, just lies down with them peddling all over her body and head, sighing in defeat.

"Did we just make Spoon a mom of 6 overnight?”

 Duck Duty has taken over the house 24/7. 

When Joel goes to the shower, pulling back the curtain, there's duckies paddling in the tub.

He has to empty his shoes before stepping in them because, lo and behold, a damn duck is in there.

There’s more frozen pea bags in the freezer specifically labeled for each duck than he can fit his pizza pockets in there.

“THATS IT!” He barks loudly when you and Sarah are tucking the ducks in his bed sheets for a movie night.

You all, including Spoon and all the duckies, go quiet and look up. 

Except, instead of finishing a statement, that is it. Joel storms out of the room the next moment, leaving you all sitting speechless.

Two seconds later you turn on the TV and all eyes focus on the screen to resume your movie night like normal.

-

Joel disappears in the garage for 3 days. You called Tommy asking if he was going to work, but Tommy told you he had called to let everyone know he would be unattainable for the weekend. Absolutely NO ONE was to disturb him. You could hear sparks and saw blades flying in the garage, heavy banging and all kinds of construction going on. Maybe you should be a little concerned. He hasn’t done anything else but this. 

You rub your hands together, braving the knock on the garage door. Maybe you had gone too far with the ducks. Was he preparing to build himself a new house to live away from you all? A death trap for the ducks to fall into?

A new wife???

You tighten your ass cheeks and raise your knuckles.

The door swings open before you can pound. A sweaty, dirty, musky, saw dust covered Joel Miller, with messy slick hair, flannel and low hanging jeans complete with his decades old tool belt greeted you with gritted teeth.

“S’done,” he says plainly.

“W-what’s done?”

He takes your hand and leads you out. “Sarah! Ducks! Fall in!”

Sarah hops off her chair that she was braiding her doll’s hair. As she follows behind you, all 6 quickly growing Duckies  follow behind her like a pre-school hand holding chain.

You all round out the now empty garage and towards the backyard gate. He opens it and shoves forward.

Part of the backyard and side of the house has been transformed into a Duck Oasis Paradise. A custom built duck house with heating lamps, fresh bedding and smoothed wood adorn the area, with a water fountain and splash pad of fresh water constantly rippling their own little Duckie pond/pool. Each duck has its own feeding station, and even custom bed slots with “Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Pickles, Pringles, Presto” hand painted for their own bunks. There’s a raised mini bed for Sarah to lie in with a canopy so they can cuddle and watch projector movies outside. Joel had even installed a side door that leads into the garage if absolutely need be they MUST come inside once again. Everything is painted to Sarah’s princess house liking, and she is able to sit inside the and play around the area while it maintains its Duck-necessities.

As if she had just met the real Santa Clause, Sarah screeches excitedly and runs around with the ducks to explore their new home.

Joel’s hands are on his hips, smirking proudly at your reaction.

Your mouth is on the floor. When the FUCK?? HOW the fuck??

“You thought I was gonna cook em’ didn’t ya?” He boasts.

“I —wushhshh pshhh—N--ta—nmmm-pshhh.” You don’t have words to try to deny it. 

“Ah huh.” He points to his cheek … well, cheekily. “C’mere and give it ta me.”

Inserted, you grip his face, turn him to face you, and plant your entire mouth on his, swallowing his lips and his entire body if you could.

He grins and kisses you back. 

“When are you going to put this much effort into putting another baby in me?” You tease while curling his hair.

He’s left quite shocked, and is about to suggest the two of you stow away while the kids are occupied until—

Sarah runs up like she’s about to pole vault and launches herself into her Dad’s arms for the biggest hug a todler can muster. Joel bends down to his knees to return her kisses.

And that would have been it, were it not for the duck that’s immediately in her hands, held right to his cheek.

“Ugh,” he groans with rolled eyes. He holds it all in as Sarah lifts them to nibble at his beard stubble in a duck fashioned kiss, each getting a turn to clean his facial hair.

You clasp your hands together, beaming at possibly the greatest man the earth had ever put out.

She runs off with the ducks following to go play with their new land.

“2 adults. 1 kid. 1 dot. And 6 ducks…” he says, referring back to your previous comment. “That ain’t enough for ya?”

“12.”

“12…?” Were you serious about 12 kids????

“Ducks,” you state plainly, avoiding his eyes.

“Wh—what, are they all pregnant?” He asks incredulously.

“No…” you lock your fingers together, sealing side to side in the way Sarah does when she’s admitting to doing something horribly wrong. “I thought you were going to eat these ones… and I didn’t want Sarah to be sad and so I … maybe… it’s actually really funny, Joel.”

“YOU BOUGHT—SIX—MORE—DUCKS???”

“Ohh oh no!” You shake your head, as if hoping to dissipate the steam billowing from his ears. Though it’s almost like he knows it’s not any better. “Um… it’s way worse… I bought 12 more ducks. So that’s 18 total,” you smile widely with fearful yet innocent eyes.

Joel sits straight up in bed, his heart hammering and sweat persperating along his entire skeleton.  He clutches his heart, remembering to breathe in the night air, grounding himself in his surroundings from the nightmare. You’re sound asleep at his side, peaceful as ever.

He tosses the blanket and darts off to Sarah’s room. His girl sleeps just as innocently as you, with her teddy clutched under her arm. Lying atop her fuzzy pink decorative rug is Spoon, who raises her head curiously at the intrusion. He does a quick search, but nothing else moves in the room.

Joel runs to the backyard, foregoing any shoes. Despite no evidence in the house, he doesn’t get his hopes too high. He flips on the lights of the duck barn (which was not a dream), and braceshimself.

While he would have liked to have seen 0 flat footed peddling little yellow shits, a mere 6, and ONLY 6, ducks rest in their designated bed, tilting their head at him staring them down.

He wipes the sweat from his forehead and takes a relieving breath.

“Thank fucking duck.”

- - - -

Taglist : @harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow @wintersquirrel @peekyourinterest

[russolover]

My Girls

Bean.

Thats how you and Alessia called your future daughter as you didn't agree on a name yet. The blonde was currently 3 months pregnant and the cravings were taking over your sleep schedule.

You swore to yourself that you'd do anything to make the pregnancy easier for Alessia, since she was the one carrying the baby. This included getting her weird snacks and an unlimited amount of massages and back rubs.

It was currently 2 am in the morning and you had a grumpy italian waking you up demanding donuts. Your eyes weren't even fully opened before she started speaking again.

"Y/n I want donuts"

She whined pressing her face into your neck. You placed your hand underneath her shirt, slowly rubbing her back as she relaxed into your body.

"What donuts do you want baby?"

You mumbled tiredly as she wrapped her arms around your torso.

"The pink sprinkled ones with jam filling please"

"Alright, anything else?"

You finally opened your eyes to Alessia already looking at you. She thought about your question for a second before replying.

"Hmm.. no I just want don- or maybe those pickles from a few days ago, they were really good"

You chuckled softly as you got out of bed and put on a hoodie and some sweatpants.

"Okay amore I'll go get it"

"Wait I want to go with you"

The blonde replied, putting on one of your hoodies before intertwining your hand with hers.

Mood swings and clinginess were also making appearances the last few days but it didn't phase you. Especially the clinginess since you loved spending time with the italian.

But you were lying if you said you'd enjoy the mood swings, especially when you don't know how to cheer her up when the reasoning behind her crying was that the she already ate all the ice cream before she could put sprinkles on it

However, this was all worth it because in 6 months you and Alessia would be welcoming bean.

You told your wife to wait in the car as you got the donuts for you. To your dismay they didn’t have jam filled ones anymore, you took them since those were better than having no donuts at all.

When you got back to your car the Italians eyes light up as she saw the box.

��Thank you my love“

She said excitedly as she kissed your cheek before taking the box from you.

„Baby they didn’t have the jam filled ones so I just took the normal ones“

You could see her face dropping and immediately knew what that meant.

„Wha- no jam?“

„we can get jam at tesco and I’ll put them inside if you want“

„I just wanted jam filled ones“

„Less-

She started sniffling and tears were covering her eyes. You took the box from her hands and put them on the backseat before pulling the Italian on your lap.

You cupped her cheeks as you wiped away the remaining tears.

„Baby I’m sorry they didn’t have jam filled ones but I promise I’ll make them taste exactly like the ones we usually get, okay?“

„Okay“

She whispered as you gave her one proper kiss before she went back to her seat. Filling jam into donuts at 3am, just a normal Thursday night right?

After the quick trip to Tesco you finally had everything the blonde wanted.

Now you stood at the counter, with a piping bag full of jam trying to fill the donuts. Alessia was sitting on the countertop happily snacking on her pickles.

Your first attempt was pretty bad but from there on it actually worked out.

„Here you go, jam filled donuts“

You presented proudly to the girl in front of you. Alessia couldn’t contain her smile as she looked at the treats in front of her. It was the fact you put so much effort into satisfying her cravings that made her happy.

She took one of the donuts and had a big bite tasting the strawberry goodness.

„Y/n they’re amazing“

She moaned at the sweet flavour.

„I’m glad you like them less“

You kissed her temple before crouching down so you were facing her stomach.

„Your mommy is having your favourite sweets bean, enjoy it bubba“

You said as you placed another kiss on Alessias little bump. The blonde looking at you sweetly before pulling you into a hug.

„Thank you baby, I really appreciate it“

She mumbled into your shoulder as she played with the babyhairs on your neck.

„Everything for my girls“

You said as you placed your lips on hers.

[amisalami03]

cave mommy headcanons :D [this is my first time doing this help]

i'm gonna flip the script a little with this one, I think shes way more chill BUT will troll at any time >:)

she walked past pickle and sprayed him for no reason which resulted in a mini brawl , it was swiftly ended when cave shawty picks pickle up and suplexes him, so in celebration she beats her chest then goes to sleep in a nearby tree

she's definitely omnivorous in my book but she will eat meat and acts like a leopard by hiding her game in trees and pissing on those who walk to close to her territory this isn't a piss-kink thing I swear she's literally feral and piss is her prehistoric version of pocket sand

ironically enough though she and pickle are mated but he can not stand her ass sometimes, but she literally doesn't gaf and will lay on top of him (because she can.) and pickle does not seem to mind his woman using him as a mattress he will growl lowly but eventually puts himself to sleep since her warmth, scent and breathing patterns make it impossible to keep him awake lol (also its a sense of familiarity and comfort of her being the only thing he left of the past, so he willingly tolerates it)

because of her retsu's hair has been let down to its full glory and she even gave him a beautiful restyle :3 (lots of stick and shiny rock so cool |:) <- cave mommymoji) pickle didnt like it and wanted to fight retsu but a swift kick upside his head thwarted that act of petty conflict

she has no clue whats going on but is happy to see such small little guys doing complex things

she fucking LOVES pinwheels and windchimes hell yes little trinkets for her pretty please, even pickle is entertained when she shoves a pinwheel in his hair and shows him her stolen hardware store collection of chimes and shiny glass lawn ornaments used to water flowers -> |:) [her proud face]

she scratches her head like a dog and prefers to stay quadraped, which threw the boys off when she finally decided to stand on her two legs

katsumi told retsu he saw her walking on two legs before everyone else did and retsu called him a liar stating that she simply hadn't "evolved" to do that yet, as soon as he was done saying that she walked right passed them with various lawn ornaments in her arms, farted and continued walking without breaking a stride. retsu was stunned and katsumi just put his hand on his shoulder to console him.

I like to think she has a fighting style similar to dogwatch man from one punch man, which makes her a very hard opponent to defeat since her speed and agility far surpass her bipedal descendants

baki used her as a shield until she force-fed him a handful of grubs and ever since then shes been wondering where he's been |:( his ass ran away from her for about a week

she found him eventually and frantically fussed over him while holding him in a tight embrace, she thought she lost her baby again

Please keep her away from vending machines and claw games, to her they are like giant see through crustaceans she can crack open and benefit from, her and pickle will leave a wake of litter and shards of glass to get whats inside

Loves fountains, they are like vertical waterfalls to her and she’s mesmerized by how the magic water goes up 24/7

She draws cave paintings and is very proud of her work

Absolutely blown away by crayons, completely opened pandoras box for her wait until she learns about paint and markers

Keep scented/colorful soaps and chemicals away from her…she will try to drink them and get sick…no she probably wont die, but she will shit and vomit alot, pickle didnt wanna take the risk to drink fabuloso after that

She has an underbite snaggle tooth that sticks out

This is all I can come up with

This is all I can give you…for now

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

I would like more cousin duo factoids and tidbits

The Roycegaryen/Targtower Daddy Issues Havers Cousin Duos are so dear to me, thank you for this opportunity to scream about it

Ella & Aemond

This shit is built on mutual "my mental health is everyone else's problem" bullshittery. They are a constant feedback loop of "catharsis is arson & soul rendering screams into the void & property damage," both equally explosive but subdued in the areas where the other isn't. They are also definitely profiting from Ella being way more socially well adjusted & friendly than Aemond; she's basically his emotional support sister-figure (not that he doesn't have older sisters, but Ella's way older than him while actually being willing to be his friend/mentor without being a second mom bc he would never replace Alicent like that!)

Absolutely chaotic son-coded oldest daughter/daughter-coded second son solidarity. When the Targtowers visit Runestone she takes him joyriding on Vermithor & then sends him to go play with her comedically serious son. 16/10 experience, bb!Aemond would do it again & she is his favorite cousin. They definitely set a tree on fire during that flying session.

Yorick & Aegon

My boys elbow deep in the daddy issues muck. The traumatized little boy who hates his shitty dad & just wants his mommy to hold him in Yorick recognizes the traumatized little boy in Aegon. They're friends, they're brothers, they're father & son; they hug each other & cry at least once.

Yorick is, for Aegon, an older male figure who cares about him without worrying about how that benefits him & is safe--he's dad shaped & tells him he can do/be better because he's worth that effort, not because the realm needs it but because he deserves it personally. And then for Yorick, Aegon is finally seeing to fruition the reason he was in King’s Landing & enduring All That for years: being the older brother figure of the king's son. There's just the extra bonus of them being able to commiserate over just fucking hating Viserys.

Aegon is a shivering cat that Yorick found in the dumpster that immediately imprinted on him when he figured out "I like soft touch." Meanwhile, Aegon bonding with Weird Scary Mountain Man is a fucking mirror of Yorick claiming his nasty as hell dragon. Also, Yorick has definitely threatened Otto Hightower in defense of His Boy™ & I feel like that level of care had Aegon stunlocked for several minutes. 100/10, he's never leaving Yorick’s side again.

Aemon & Helaena

Weird quiet isolated kid who gets easily overwhelmed solidarity, right there. Aemon sees the potential to get/be as bad as he was isolation wise, & he wants better than that for whoever he sees that kind of "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in." energy in, so it starts with him going out of his way to make sure she doesn't slip through the cracks & then blossoms into something really sweet & mutual from there. He'll happily sit there in silence when she needs it & listen to her when she has something to say; like, just generally he isn't treating Helaena like she's fragile or has something wrong with her. His concern is just not wanting her to be lonely.

They respect each other as Socially Just A Little Off & they're mutually safe to be around when the social battery is running on empty. "Your thought processes & need to be alone sometimes are totally normal. Everyone else is wrong." Also, in a modern AU she's who is going up to the counter at the burger place to say Aemon asked for no pickles. Please know that is real & true.

Aemon is also close enough to her age (like, I think he was 5 when she was born?) that he can kind of easily & comfortably fit within her life while still being Large Older Rleative To Be Safe Around If I Need Protection. When he comes home from fostering for his 16th nameday & gets to be in a tourney to celebrate his getting knighted, he asks Helaena for her favor because that's his friend & she said she wanted to give him one. The tourney was loud, but she had fun & Aemon made sure she had both hiding spots & other kids to play with, 12/10 that's her cousin. Also Aemon is one of the most exciting parts of getting betrothed to Yorick's son/Stannis during the course of the fic (Stannis knows he is the second favorite cousin & he's okay with this)

[jeonghoneyss]

oooh hello 👀 abyssal plain and long flights for the wip game, please ♡

hello ♡ thanks for the ask

abyssal plain is the sequel to midnight zone! i've never written a sequel before, so this is exciting. i don't know if you remember, but in your comment on midnight zone, you said that you hope junhao get a break, and i said that they do get a break, somewhere very nice and dry and far inland. this fic is that story! it follows minghao's pov rather than junhui's, and covers their little trip together and minghao's tumultuous thoughts about junhui. there isn't much of it yet - like midnight zone, it requires a very specific state of mind to write, and i haven't been in that state much yet.

oh that was an absolute wall of text. on to the snippet:

‘Do you know what a brine lake is?’ Minghao asks. Junhui looks up at him. The leaves’ shadows pour over his face in a glorious blur of gold and grey, and his eyes are such a drowning haze of seawater, and Minghao has to dredge his mind out of the depths of the hadalpelagic zone in order to pay attention to Junhui’s answer. ‘No,’ Junhui says, ‘I’ve never heard of a brine lake. Sounds like it would be good for pickles.’ It makes Minghao smile, and the writhing mass of jellyfish tentacles at his heart thrills at knowing that Junhui had meant it that way, too. ‘You’re not wrong,’ he tells Junhui, and lets his legs fold him to the ground next to Junhui. ‘A brine lake is what’s left over of an ancient sea. They’re salty lakes on the seabed, and they’re so salty that anything that falls into them is pickled alive.’ Minghao hasn’t seen these things with his own eyes, of course. He’s never stood on the shore of a brine lake, or in the ribs of a whale fall. But all these things have made a home in him nonetheless, and he shares some of it with Junhui, and Junhui takes it with a charming seriousness. He’s seen the seawater running in Minghao’s veins, after all; even if he doesn’t say anything, he’s got to have an idea.

long flights follows cadet pilot jeongin, who enters the crew of chan's starship to complete his last year of spaceflight training. he's going to learn to talk to space, and to traverse it, and he's also going to grow up - i suppose this is a coming-of-age story? jeongin's got a lot of mommy issues, and minho (ship's cook but in space) realises, and sets out to help him work through them in the most annoying way possible.

Jeongin rolls his eyes. ‘Thanks, mom.’ Minho’s ears are delightfully red as Jeongin passes him, and before he knows it he’s resting a hand against the side of Minho’s head. His ear is just as warm as it looks. ‘Careful,’ Minho says. The red is leaking into his face, too, and his eyes are so sparkly this close up. ‘I bite.’ ‘Please,’ Jeongin says, without really thinking about it. And then Minho does, gnashing his teeth right up against Jeongin’s throat.

...

‘I’ll take you for ice cream after, if you’re good,’ Minho says. His smirk is positively dripping off his face. He’s so annoying that Jeongin wants to lick it off, just to teach him a lesson.

[givemeanaccountalready]

Mahiru 14, Kotoko 8, Haruka 7

7. Favorite relationship with another character if they weren’t in Milgram, the way you imagine it would like them to be.

Hmmm… probably Haruka and Fuuta would be the most likely to happen and I do like their interactions. It’s been implied in the timeline conversations and in Fuuta’s interrogation questions, that the two of them hung out quite a bit before Kotoko’s attacks (as liberally as I can use that phrase since they are in prison with limited options). Fuuta says that he looks out for Haruka since Trial 1 Haruka is very timid and shy. And I think that if Haruka had been voted guilty during Trial 1, he would have latched onto Fuuta even harder. What with Fuuta’s deteriorating mental health, he probably wouldn’t be the best option for Haruka, but Fuuta does treat him like a peer on equal footing rather than a child and cannot keep his mouth shut, so he would push back on Haruka’s Es/you are my real mom shit. Fuuta probably has his own mommy issues, but he has a better idea on what relationships look like than Haruka so it’s the “I lost my glasses with the coke bottle lenses” leading the blind instead of the blind leading the blind.

But outside Milgram? I think the two would have had a good friendship. Maybe not the healthiest because of their own issues, but I think they could help each other become better people. With Haruka, Fuuta could learn to soften his edges, or at least learn to show more patience and grace to those who make mistakes (which seems to be why he went after Killcheroy? I’m not totally sure on what Killcheroy did to be gifted internet cancellation). With Fuuta, Haruka could learn to be more assertive and sure of himself. I would like for this blue blorbo to have a hobby that doesn’t involve sleeping or killing animals and children. Fuuta defines friendship as two or more people getting hype over the same things, so I can see him introducing Haruka to video games, Twitter, and soccer and seeing what sticks. Haruka needs some positive attention to grow confident, and again, Fuuta cannot shut his mouth, so he would give Haruka some much needed pushback. You know that meme where there’s two people and one goes, “Excuse me? He asked for no pickles?” I can see Fuuta going, “Excuse me? Haruka. What did you ask for?” “It’s okay, I’ll eat around them.” “No, what did you ask for?” *cue more insistence that he’s fine until Haruka finally goes, “… no pickles please.”

Honestly, I’m fine with Haruka meeting any of the other prisoners IRL except for Muu (who feeds into his bullshit) and Kotoko (who will kill him).

8. What is your theory for their crime? If there’s a general consensus within the fandom, do you have any other, not-so-wildly-accepted thoughts on it?

Kotoko’s murder. Based on “Harrow” I think that her killing the serial killer was her first kill, but her earlier acts like bribing the journalist for info and beating up the thief were all escalating behaviors leading up to it. She worries me the most because she’s the one I am most convinced that would kill again if released back into the general population. Haruka is my blorbo but he is also a murderous, little bitch who deserves jail time. But he’s also dumb and will most likely caught and arrested quickly because he boasted to his mother about his kills like a cat bringing dead mice and voles to its owner’s doorstep. Kotoko is clever, and I can see her outfoxing the cops like she’s a chess prodigy playing checkers. Despite John’s bluster about being an uncontrollable monster, I do think that he knew his victims and viewed them as threats to Bokuto’s life and/or current position. Kotoko’s methodical nature and dedication to her role as a tool of violence inflicting ‘righteous’ judgment worries me more than that. I’m all for addressing the flaws of the justice system, especially when it is used to let dangerous people off, but I don’t believe the death penalty should be the decision of one person (even if they were held accountable to the law and a code of ethics), if that makes sense. I can understand and sympathize with her motives, but I don’t agree with her actions and I have enough faith in her to have wracked up quite the body count by the time she is arrested by police. Home girl gets shit done, and has enough distance from her (criminal) victims to elude the police longer than someone who knew them.

I am curious as to how she got into this. I definitely think that the serial killer she killed worked the area where she lived, so I can see her growing frustrated with police for not stopping him and taking matters into her own hands. Kotoko emphasizes in her first trial interrogation questions that she is not a victim. She is someone who sympathized with their plight and wishes to protect them. It’s emphasized enough that I think, “Keep telling yourself that.” The theory that the serial killer abducted and then killed her sister may have some weight because Kotoko wouldn’t be the victim, it would be her younger sister. Semantics. I have thoughts on the glitchy trailer lines, and I think her line is her talking to someone who disapproves of her plan and her snapping back at them to shut it because they’re too weak to do it.

If you’re going to pick your first human kill, a serial killer is always a good pick.

14. Any headcanons on their appearance?

Mahiru is definitely one of the most fashionable Milgram prisoners. Yuno and her battle it out for the number one spot lol. Mikoto trails close behind them. She almost certainly is someone who has been reading fashion magazines since the fourth grade and knows how to best coordinate outfits and accessories in accordance to the weather, preferred colored palette, and the formality of the occasion. The only reason I wouldn’t want to go clothes shopping with her is because it would take too long!

Based on her comments about always being the one confessing versus being confessed to, I’d reckon that she doesn’t have much confidence in her own looks, which is a shame because she is pretty. Naive she may be, but, I think she has good insides to match her outside.

She seems like someone who has an in-depth skin routine. If the fashion magazines comment doesn’t count as a headcanon, I would say she definitely has a whole skin care routine that she does and coming to Milgram wrecked it since she doesn’t have access to her things. She’s probably a little miffed about it, but she’s got bigger problems so it is a back burner issue.

[officialgleamstar]

oh if its okay to ask, id love to know some of your thoughts on Ron/Jodie? like I like them in theory but I haven’t really considered them much? if that makes sense?

i might be too eepy to be coherent here. rodie makes me feel like i could walk to the moon. but like. LIKE. rodie just makes sense to me on a lot of levels.

we have the canonical element of jodie like, literally, being tied to ron via a demon bond. i will never be normal about that. on another level, jodie liked ron even before the demon thing came to fruition! if i recall correctly, ron was the dad who got along with jodie best at first! they had some fun moments ("call me bad again" ARE YOU KIDDING MEBJHGBFHJBDHJGBF) and i miss them so much!

i also think theres this interesting element of like... they are both losers bghbghfdfdbdjh my favorite joke will always be "the demon king of hell is obsessed with the world's goofiest-looking emotionally awkward step-father, and the demon king is the bigger loser between the two" LMAO. ron is a genuinely good guy, but hes so socially inept and bumbling and just... clueless. meanwhile jodie is just an pathetic wet blanket at all times. theyre just so FUNNY TO ME BFJGBDFGDFGBJD daddy issues x mommy issues couple of all time

and going back to jodie's over-attachment to ron - i just think its a little sweet. i just think its cute! the idea of ron, a man who has grown up with the childhood trauma of being unwanted by his father, utterly unloved, being treated as useless, having a partner who he knows 100% for a fact would never leave him or not love him anymore. OBVIOUSLY ron has samantha who can also fill this role, he has the other dads who are his best friends forever, he has these people who absolutely adore him, and thats good! they fit this too. but theyre not obligated by demon magic and i do think that adds an extra something to the like... power fantasy, i guess, of it all? the escapism might be a better term? its reassuring to have someone who you know will never not adore you, who literally CANT not adore you, and jodie is just. literally that.

obviously, like, a demon bond like that can turn toxic really fast, on either side, but i think ron and jodie just have that perfect balance of. it would never dawn on ron to take advantage of that for anything besides like, making jodie open pickle jars for him. and as over-possessive and obsessive as jodie can be, he does not have a high enough self-esteem to consider himself worthy of dominating all of ron's love and time. it would never occur to him to even believe that he deserves to keep ron to himself, it would stay as an idle fantasy he never acts on forever. they are both so dumb in different ways and it keeps the bond at this perfect level where it stays sweet HDFJKGHFDJKHJK

[baizhuswifey]

Cater diamond date headcanons

On dates I think he would usually take you to casual places not fancy but not shitty something that fits his style.

On the first date bro is definitely either taking you to a cafe or the fair

You usually have to match at least something in your outfit just because he thinks it's cute obviously nothing tacky and ugly like a shirt that says "he's mine" or whatever maybe a cute pair of earrings or necklaces idk

He definitely talks like Karen smith and Gretchen Weiner "that is totes watermelon" or some dumb shit like that he talks in text slang you can't understand him half the time.

He's honestly kinda cool to be with if you look past how crazy he is and if you match his freak you don't know how crazy he is underneath because you the same crazy

Always requests to do your makeup before you go out you have to look THE BEST if you're going out with him

He complains a lot and is very judgy but he will always make sure he never treats anyone badly

He calls you the stupidest pet names but they're cute stuff

Onto the short fanfic part tho

You guys are sitting in his room getting ready and you've had to change outfits five times because they didn't look right with the vibe going on.hes doing your makeup only to wipe it off a thousand times because it doesn't look how he likes it to look it's all fun in games until you're late and you have to go take your date at McDonald's with Ronald McDonald and a homeless 50 year old man sitting right between you two at 3am.....not so funny now is it.anywayd you two finally get done and you decide that you're going to go to the fair because nothing is more fun then eating deep fried pickles and chocolate dipped cheesecake only to get on five roller coasters and puke your guts.But that's fun i guess.you guys get there and he has to pay because that's what gentleman do or something and you are broke so you cant pay anyways.you start off with the silly stuff trying to win prizes and of course as every love story at the fair he wants to win you something.and he fails over and over and then you try you win on your first try.and what ever you won you give it to him and you go off to find a ride to on.after like 5 minutes of walking you guys find a slingshot ride it's a two seater so you both can go.you get that weird feeling in your stomach that happens before you go on roller coasters but you can't back out now or he'll think you're a scaredey cat or so you thought until you actually get on the ride and before it even starts screaming like a little girl crying for. His mommy....in the end you guys had a good time

[drleggman]

lexi!!!!

1. i love you and miss you whenever you’re gone <3

2. what are your main self ships? and can you give me a tiny glimpse of each of the relationship dynamics?

Kae 🥹 ilyilyilyily

My top self ships are probs me/bokuto, me/reiner, and me/tamaki (i got so excited when i saw u and aleks talking about him yesterday! he’s so underrated) !! They’re all like my og self ships too and I’ve kept our lore stored away for years atp, so I’ll talk about them!

Bokuto!! He’s like the stereotypical golden retriever boy, and that’s usually not my type but… Here we are lol. We’re very complementary, he’s the sun to my moon etc etc. We met when I was hired on to be a translator for the jpn national team, and he asked me out after the Olympics were over. He just. Approached me and said “You’re pretty :D I think it’s so cool that you speak two languages :D I wasn’t gonna ask you out bc I thought it’d be unprofessional, but then tsum-tsum called me a pussy, and I’m not a pussy, and” I have to cut him off and we agree to go on a date and hit it off immediately! We both tend to get pouty when something doesn’t go our way and we love to baby each other when it happens. He encourages me to do things I’d usually be to nervous to try, and I encourage him to rest lol. He introduces me to his friends and invites me to hang out with him and the boys on the national team and brings me out of my shell. Our friends think we’re annoying bc of how sappy and affectionate we are. Especially if we’ve been drinking! Just hanging off of each other constantly and arguing about who loves the other more. We never leave the honeymoon phase and spend our whole lives after getting together absolutely obsessed with each other.

Reiner and I, in both a canon and modern setting, kinda trauma bond and become inseparable (boys w mommy issues love me and I love men who cry and are so miserable). We both are in the middle of identity crises and struggle with our sense of self and our place in the world and how to cope with the horrors we’ve partaken in lived through, but we make each other feel so seen in a way we’ve never experienced before. The people in our lives want to tell us that maybe we shouldn’t be in a relationship while still in such vulnerable mental states, but they’ve also not seen us so happy in so long, so they keep their mouths shut. We’re a bit toxic at first in a codependent way. We can’t function without the other and we fuel each others grief and isolate ourselves from the people around us, but after years together, we slowly start to get over ourselves lmao. We grow tired of pitying ourselves and start to be better together, and we both firmly believe we’d have never snapped out of it if it weren’t for us encouraging each other. Which maybe isn’t true, but nobody would ever tell us that.

And Tamaki!! My sweet Suneater <3 This is one of the rare instances in which I initiate everything in the relationship and take on a more dominant role. I was just like him when we met, but if there’s one thing that will snap me out of my anxiety, it’s seeing someone who is just as anxious as me struggling to do things it helps that I think he’s so cute. We meet at Fatgum’s agency, and I wanna be his friend soooo bad, but I know how overwhelmed he gets, so I go slow and am very soft with him. I tell him about how I manage my anxiety, teach him my coping mechanisms, and show him my fidget toys and then buy him some of his own - all unprompted. He was kinda unresponsive at first bc he was confused about why I’d wanna talk to him, but he warms up to me pretty quickly after he realizes that I have the same struggles as him. He starts to see through the false confidence after that, catching me when I’m anxious and picking up on my ticks, and he’ll remind me of the techniques I taught him to help him get out of his head. I’m the “he asked for no pickles” partner, while he’s clutching my shirt and hiding behind me w his face pressed into my shoulder. If he sees me getting anxious, especially when talking to someone, he also gets nervous lol but his need to help me emboldens him. His favorite move is to just like physically insert himself into the situation. Like stand between me and the person and whisk me away to somewhere quiet. I’m much cockier when we’re alone, and I love to tease him and get him all flustered. He loves praise but it gets him so worked up and I looove to shower him with compliments and pet names. I’m one of the few people he lets his guard down around when he’s not in action mode, so he’s just like. Normal when we’re alone. Still soft spoken and sweet, but after being together for a while, his relationship anxiety and worries about looking dumb in front of me fade. anxiety4anxiety all the way but we make it work

[cladestruction]

PART IV of my super long aotd thoughts (and prayers) commentary/analysis extravanganza🤪

warning: spoilers. repetition of words/expressions hehe. badly written (english is not my first language lol). looong text. curse words. biased opinions because this is my blog and i get to do with it as i please.

previously: part I | part II | part III

this is the last part!!!

smacking fiesta!: they made a fire for Murderface awww my fucking HEART. i love that this movie insists on making a point that people should take responsibility but not victimize themselves. case in point: yes Nathan fucked up when he wrote the wrong song (tho again, that was actually part of the prophecy) because he decided to surrender to hatred, sadness and overall give up on his responsibilities. it’s great to see him take the blame(?) however yeah, Pickles did good at reminding him that this is no time for him to drown in self-pity and doubt himself. making a mistake is NOT equal to being an incapable person. Nathan should not doubt his own skills, quite the opposite, this is the time for him to believe in himself, trust his bandmates and push forward. also yes after season 4 and a portion of this movie, i admit it’s cool to see Pickles taking out his stress on Nathan lmao. on the other hand WOW??? why does Nathan Explosion fall from a slap, that must’ve a hell of a smack. the little “quit hitting me :(“ was cute aksjdhas. Murderface feeling better and thanking the guys is so precios he’s so baby in this scene. and i love that this is actually not the first time Skwistokface have felt weird when Pickles and Nathan fight like a married couple (throwback to Writersklok) and that’s so CUTE. he says “should we get going?” to the guitarists while Pickles does a shock therapy on Nathan or something and ugh they’re such a family. i again absolutely love that Magnus is in the notebook. it means so much to me that Nathan straight up says he’d want for Magnus to come back, somehow, so they could fix their friendship. it makes the suicide so much more tragic and it made me very sad but that makes the message much more powerful. forgiving and apologizing, taking responsability and knowing your own worth are central to the message of the movie and i really really like it. someone pointed out thath “i’m just a gear in the wheel of the clock” is the very first line of mtl and i’m happy Brendon brought it back to close this story. and for fans like me, that spent over a decade loving this show is beautiful to hear this once again while Nathan Explosion himself discovers the true meaning of it.

mommy on the wheel: ok yeah i love Pickles bla bla bla i think he’s very very cool in this scene. Pickles is my favorite, Rehabklok and Skyhunter are one of my favorite episodes/songs so seeing him drive again WHILE SOBER is so so important to me you don’t even know. and yes the line “Toki be a good boy and bring mommy his scotch” rearranged the chemicals in my brain tysm Brendon Small, i’m officially insane.

plugging-in: YES EDGAR JOMFRU SWEEP!!! i’m sooo happy he’s back and is central to this section of the movie. he’s a very important character so i’m happy we get to see him interact with Dethklok in such a cool sequence and i’m also thankful that he threw a sandwich to Crozier. it was deserved. the plug-in sequence is very cool visually AND thematically, seeing the guys fly and be at the center of such a complicated operation is cool, i’m a fan. we also get more exposition, i LOVE that only here the guys Finally remember the dethlights and start to comprehend their place in the prophecy. i’d love more of this (dethklok realizing the true reach of their powers) because it’s a very short scene, but well, you can’t have it all. when Nathan slips and falls off the wing(?) and Pickles screams “Oh no, Nathan!” yeah, Nickles wins once again. usually i’m not a fan of scenes where the characters start giving a speech in the middle of an action scene but it’s cool here. for all we know Nathan must be constantly thinking he will die at any time so it’s valid for him to want to get sincere and cheesy. also yes it’s so so important for me (and for Pickles) when Nathan finally confesses to have never had anything with Abigail. i like that he was honest and vulnerable not because of himself but because the others deserved to know. he also recognizes it wouldn’t have been right and that’s some good shit. the entire message to Abigail, “wherever you are in this world (…)” was so heartwarming. i do think Nathan and Abigail could have been a great couple (especifically after Nathan’s character development, not before) and this line is the basis of that. he realizes that showing appreciation is not limited to fucking someone and then jump to a relationship. he respects her and that will stay that way even if they never connect on a romantic level, and i adore that. on a personal note: as an aro, this scene made me cry. Nathan recognizing how much someone can mean to you and at the same time letting them go/not ending up with them is a message i can connect with to a personal level. wanting them to be happy as you are ready to part ways and focus on yourself (when Nathan says “i’ll grow stronger”) is a beautiful message. AND (yes sorry this section is practically me projectiong and making everything personal) THE LINE “because i’ll always have my relationship with music” IS ALSO SO IMPORTANT TO MEEE. i too sometimes feel like i can connect more with music than with people and to hear Nathan Explosion say that made me feel so validated, so accompanied.

gay elevator: EVERYONE say thank you Edgar for bringing back Toki’s teddy bear. say it or else. if your homie grabs your shoulder, looks into your eyes and calls you mommy, that’s a flirting i’m sorry i don’t make the rules. and i don’t care what anyone says “i’ll see you on stage” is code for “i love you so so much” case CLOSED. “this one’s for Knubbler” HELL YEAH IT IS !!! wasted opportunity to give them the armor in this scene oh well. wasted opportunity to have Toki speak in norwegian here or something since they are in Norway but ok. SOS being both a distress signal to the fans and an acronym for Song Of Salvation is GENIUS. Crozier+Edgar was not in my bingo cards but oh boy i am so happy to see it.

fuck you and your beard old man: Nathan Explosion is the man of my dreams. he’s so fearless and so smart and so so beautiful i will kill a god for him i don’t care. also yeah fuck you Salacia don’t talk to him like that. Toki a kombucha is not a meal please ajsdhkajshd. Pickles ordering for Nathan is so CUTE !!! those are soulmates right there UGHHH. and Pickles looking at him so fondly while Nathan ponders the idea of marrying his drummer right then and there??? wow THAT’S just…wow. i keep winning. when Nathan tells them “i think we’re going to die” and their reactions it was both hilarious and sad. they really are just some: dudes. they’ve faced dead before but here they are, freaking out in a jail cell together. i love them so much FUCK. missed opportunity for another band hug. dethklok in handcuffs walking in the snow is a great visual hear me out. also dethklok crucified in a spinning death-disk is such an amazing concept too. Nathan repeating The Gears to himself is so IMPORTANT TO MEEE. watch me doing the same everytime i have to face an important decision/task. the people with the masks look hella cool too. Nathan has the biggest brain ever! and he’s so so brave and strong i LOVE HIM !!! i love how he sacrificed himself mirroring the countless klokateers’ deaths throughout the show: ready to serve a bigger purpose. Pickles touching his face and turning to see the guys with a worried look is UGH. Edgar Jomfru will be missed, he was such a badass and he singlehandedly did so much for dethklok and humanity. Skwisgaar putting his hand on a distressed Toki saved my life yup yup.

Salacia is a dorito: fuckkk stop killing the fans dude. THE DETHLIGHTS!!! now that’s an epic meet and greet with your favorite band. GO INTO THE WATER SONG OF THE CENTURYYY and my favorite song to listen at the beach. the WHALE IS BACKKK!!! i’m so happy with that ending, the fact that dethklok, as powerful as they are, were NOT gods after all and were only there to help the whale is a concept i’ll never get over. so so so damn cool. we get to see how fucked up it is for the boys when the powers leave them and it’s so uncool and unglamorous i can help but love it!!! Skwisgaar my man i love him so much he really has been in Toki’s arms for ¾ of this movie he’s living the dream. and yesss that teddy bear is stronger than Salacia, we love an immortal legend. the ending sequence is cute. is short and very cheesy but i love it. it’s a love letter for the fans in universe and irl. i am so so happy. WE are the army of the doomstar. i love that when Nathan starts speaking with his heart he CAN’T STOP. he’s so sweet i love him. and CHARLES LOOKS SO GOOD IN THAT LAST SHOT I WANT TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND CURE HIS WOUNDS AND KISS HIS FOREHEAD. and yup the movie is over and i’m hyperventilating and shakingand crying.

I love this movie so much it makes me look insane. but yeah. this is the end of my super long aotd extravaganza. thank you so so much for reading to the very end. sorry this took so long. kisses on the forehead for everyone who saw this movie and enjoyed it as much as i did. take care and have a great day. bye bye!

[elithegnome]

I posted 2,890 times in 2022

That's 2,890 more posts than 2021!

527 posts created (18%)

2,363 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@beardedmrbean

@hetaari

@magictrio1118

@newhetaliafan

@hondakiku

I tagged 720 of my posts in 2022

#hetalia - 140 posts

#hws - 110 posts

#hetalia memes - 40 posts

#hetalia shitpost - 39 posts

#hetalia x reader - 38 posts

#unhellig 😳 - 34 posts

#hws america - 24 posts

#aph america - 24 posts

#aph prussia - 23 posts

#aph england - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#my tiny nine year old looking ass will totally earn the likings of the five billion 80’s rockstars that i’m sinfully in love with

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

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115 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

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118 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#3

Random-Ass Hetalia head canons

•Scotland has an unhealthy love for the band CHVURCHES

•Denmark can easily chug down a 159 liter barrel of pickled herring and move on with his day

•Wales has had to explain to America that he is not actually a whale

•Finland can scream-sing (I’ve always appreciated people who can do this)

•Romano was fed up with Veneziano so Romano left him in the Sicilian catacombs for three hours alone.

•Belarus is really crazy flexible (I don’t know why I headcanon this but I do)

•France chugged an entire bottle of perfume while drunk

125 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

#2

Father!Allies X Parent! Reader

PS: I will be giving the kids their names, which will be ones that are common in that country or I thought they sounded nice.

PPS: I know this request was for headcanons but it was easier for me to write short paragraphs.

America:

Child’s name: Milo 

“Ow!” Your husband shrieked, causing you to whip your head around. 

You expected someone to be seriously injured, but no, the sight in front of you was simple. Milo, your son, had hit his father on the knee with a toy mallet a bit too hard. 

“You have healthy reflexes!” The little boy giggled, his baby blue eyes gleaming, “Time for you memicine!” 

Milo carefully dumped a small amount  of green mystery liquid into a spoon. After finishing his work, the child shoved the utensil into his father’s mouth. 

“O-Oh wow Milo.” Alfred gagged, “What is that stuff?”

“Sour slime candy!” He beamed, “And now the hero’s all better! But since this is America your medical bill is $34,000.”

Your husband’s confidence suddenly took him over again, jumping up and setting Milo onto his shoulders.

“The hero will save the day!” Alfred clamored, running around the living room with your laughing little son.

Canada

Child’s name: Addison 

You were sitting on the couch, intently watching your husband and daughter bonding with one another.

“So patient, what hurts today?” Addison voiced with a fake serious tone.

“My knee, can you fix it Doctor Addy?” Mathew asked his daughter, glancing at his knee.

Your little girl grinned, “I can fix anything!” 

“Now,” She continued, “What you will need is an aspirin.”

Quickly, the little girl broke character and ran up to whisper into your ear, “Don’t worry (mommy/daddy/parent idfk what you want your kid to call you) it’s not really aspirin.”

“Okay honey, I know” You chuckled, patting Addison on the head. She smiled again, and ran back over to her father. 

Pulling a peppermint out of her pocket, she began to unravel the plastic covering the pinwheel patterned candy.  She placed the candy into Mathew’s hand and watched him chew and swallow it. 

“Oh wow I feel much better, thank you doctor!” Your husband applauded, shaking Addison’s itty bitty hand.

“You’re welcome!”

China

Children’s names (they’re twins): Jing and Feng

“Aiyah! Don’t torture your old man!” Yao shrieked, followed by the sound of your two children giggling. Worried about your husband’s well being, you speed walked into the kid’s bedroom. 

On the floor, you saw Jing, your daughter and Feng, your son pinning their dad to the ground.

“Are you kids being nice to your father?” You inquired softly, being replied with giggly nods from the small children.

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190 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I’m joining the fun!

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468 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

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[zaenight]

Chapter 4

Continues from chapter 3.....

----------

"Here put this on." José said passing some gear to the boys.

"You gonna pitch to us?" Pete questioned.

"You could say that." Ethal said as the four laughed.

"Im getting a bad feeling." Brad said as they heard a knock.

"Yoohoo!" a woman exclaimed as another batboy entered.

"Well now! who's this?" Luca said , oh this poor woman had no Idea what her child will go through.

"That's francis! he works with us." Lucy said walking over.

"Didn't want to miss the sleepover." The blonde told them.

"Oh no way , can't miss out on all the fun , Hey! glad to have you francis my man." José said as Lucy had his hands on his shoulders.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth and take your benadrill(?)." The blonde said

blowing a kiss as Lucy waved,wacking the boy once the mother was out of sight.

José then threw his bag,and locked the door as Luca turned off the lights.

"What's going on?" francis questioned as they started laughing.

"It's hell night , what isn't going on?" Luca said with a smirk.

first they pitched to them in the batting cage , machine full speed,they yelled out ows and ouches, oh the brusies these boys would have,no matter how much padding they were wearing.

secondly they made them sing the star spangled banner as they squirted them with Ketchup and mustard, oh and Pickles, oh and Luca may or may not have dumped mayonoise on them.

thirdly they pushed them in a laundry bin full speed , making them human bowling balls.

And right now the three boys were scrubbing the floors with toothbrushes , and Luca wanted a shower , and Luca gets what Luca wants.

--------

"

Hey scrubs look like your working up a sweat." José told them.

"Maybe you need somthing to cool ya down?" Luca said as the four drank from their beer cans.

They then made them get into ice baths,the boys were screaming and shivering as the four hollered and laughed.

The phone then rang as Luca told them to hush up , answering the phone.

"Clubhouse!,Just a minute." Luca said waving an arm to cutoff the music.

"Yo Petey its for you , Mommy wants to speak with you." Luca snickered , voice going normal , to the guys it sounded like Luca was mocking Pete in a high pitched voice , but in reality Gabriella gets tired of using a deep voice and its cracks.

"Damn you really sounded like a chick for a minute." Ethal said.

"I have many talants." Luca whispered as Her and José leaned down listening to Pete

speaking to his mother.

"Ha-hello?,G-great ra-really great!,I w-won't goodnight." Pete said shivering as José hung up the phone,They laughed at the boys .

-------------

"Ready Go!" José yelled as the three boys spinned with their forheads on bats.

"Five times around." He said.

"Thats one!" Luca yelled.

"C'mon fatboy." One of the boys said to brad.

Francis dropped the bat prompting José to say he better pick it up.

They then gave them eggs on a spoon , the three racing to the field.

"Yo Im gonna take a shower!" Luca said to them , the three were taunting the boys , José nodded .

She could hear them chanting , she really hoped they weren't doing anything

stupid,Taking off her clothes , her chest binder , and her hair out of her really tight bun.

She started the shower,steam covered Everything.

Speaking of the boy's they put poor Francis in the dryer , the boy crying for help , the other two saying to stop,they almost got a heart attack when they thought Francis stopped breathing,he didn't,but he was freaked , when José took things to far Luca usually wacks him over the head and may or may not have broke his nose once.

But Luca wasn't their to keep him in line now , was she?

The boy had puked on José causing the three to gag .

"It's not on my saint sebastion medal." José said taking it off , placing it on the washing machine.

"hey lets go look at Lou's porn stash!" The other two exclaimed going out of the room still gagging.

"Im gonna go take a shower to get this puke off me." José said walking to the showers , Luca not having any Idea as She dried her hair off , Her Chest binders already on along with her underwear.

-------

"Yo Luca you in He- Woah!" José exclaimed seeing Luca?,who started cursing him in spanish.

"I- Can explain- Yes Im a chick , and - STOP LOOKING!" 

Gabriella Yelled covering herself .

"I-you , Eres una niña, tú- ¡por qué no me lo dijiste! , jesus , mi mejor amiga es una chica!? , ¿Alguna vez me ibas a decir?" José said , he wasn't mad , he just felt lied too.

(Your a girl , you- why didn't you tell me! , jesus , my bestfriend is a chick!? , Were you ever gonna tell me?)

"Okay , I - My dad and the others have a bet going on , I wanted to tell you I did , but then I knew if I told you you wouldn't look at me the same , your not even looking at me right now." Luc- No Gabriella said to him.

"Your in a towell Im giving you privacy , guess I know why you don't look at me when I have my shirt off, Two years Luca , two years we've known eachother,you thought you couldn't trust me or somthing !?" José exclaimed.

"I wanted to tell you , I was going to tell you  a year ago , on that trip we took , but then the guys came in , sent you to do somthing." Gabriella said.

"I remember , they looked like they were plotting somthing , and I guess that's why your dad always slips up, Híjole! is that why your always so moody once a mon-OW!" José says thinking back,Exclaiming as he got wacked.

"I-Shut up!,Assuming you went to far because of the puke." Gabriella said wacking him again.

"No-Maybe,Look Im not mad , Okay I am - Wait Mom knew didn't she! That's why she likes you!" José exclaimed.

"My time of the month came a bit early once , the extra matress was stained ,that's how she found out,Are you mad,your mad , I'll leave and never com- Actually I can't do that Dad forces me to come here for extra credit." Gabriella said puting on a Black long sleeve and basket ball shorts.

"Lu- Is that even your name!" José exclaimed , he was going through it , damn She owes him for life.

"Guess I should re-introduced myself , Hi im

Gabriella "Luca" Tavares I'm the second best bat boy or in my case girl, and I really hope nothing is going to change between us." She stated.

José realized why he felt the way he felt , because in the back of his mind he knew

somthing was up , he knew why H-She never did things like come into the clubhouse without her eyes covered , never wore clothing that wasn't baggy , and never took of her hat , and he never see's her Play baseball alot , She would pitch but never was seen practicing , and Carlos would always make excuses for her to why She couldn't do this or that.

"I always knew somthing was off , but it was worth it , Cause I know no matter what

I'll always have you by my side,as my bestfriend , and as my - Girl?, which sounds really weird to say, Damn I've been hitting a chick!" He said.

"Yeah you have - But you better not treat me any different!" Gabriella sais pointing at him.

"Yea-yeah , I think I always knew , and I think I always Liked- no loved you , Boy or girl , and I didn't act on it , cause I didn't want our relationship to be ruined." José said as He took of his puke covered shirt.

"I - so we should- I should - Don't tell my dad you saw me half nsked , Imma go!" Gabriella exclaimed.

"Lu- Gabriela! , I meant it." José said.

"You did?" She questioned.

" I did , and I would totally kiss you right now if I didn't smell like puke , and we should probably take it slow- if you want our relationship to go there , do you want go there?" José asked , giving those puppy eyes he does.

honestly if you were to see the two of them you could say they were an alternate version of Eric and Jack or sean and Corey from boy meets world , you know with the plot twist were Bestfriend finds out the other is a girl , and they fall for eachother , Blah blah blah.

Anyways.....

"Don't give me those eyes - but yeah I would like that - I would like that alot actually, Also don't tell those four morons , I still wanna screw with them." She said as he let out a laugh.

"You meant it right? , nothings gonna change?" She said as she heard the shower start.

"I meant it ! , Luca , or Gabriella , now go see what they're doing." He exclaimed back.

She than left the restroom and José could have sworn a loud yes , Did he fall in love , yes he did , was it a plot twist , yeah it was.

Speaking of those morons they were up to no good.

------------

Im not even don with this episode yet lmao stay tuned for part three 🤣🤣

[rachelhargrovearchived]

"You're right, I shouldn't have doubted their capabilities." Rachel shared with a small laugh as she looked around, feeling like it was always good to be pleasantly surprised then find herself in a pickle though. "I can never decide how I feel about the heart shaped chocolate assortments. You have to be both not allergic to a lot of things, not be super picky, and then you have to feel in a risky mood. Like either they give you a little cheat sheet or they put it on the bottom of the box, which why would you make me either have to turn the box upside down or hold it up over my head to get the right angle to see the flavors. Or...they just put nothing!" Rachel realized this whole aside was probably one she'd given before and also way too long and thought out. "So sorry for that tangent. Ooh nice! A little mommy and daddy date night. Um well definitely going to be drop off some candy for my godchildren, volunteer at True Colors, maybe see if any friends want to hang out or just watch a rom-com marathon at home. Or babysit if anyone needs one!"

@aliciamillergarcia

One thing she learned about the sweet shop was that there was never a shortage of options. There were sweets here that she barely found anywhere else. They definitely lucked out on that. "Sugar Shack is always prepared. They wouldn't leave us with a few heart-shaped chocolates to choose from." That option was obviously there but there were plenty of other romantic-inspired sweets to choose from. "I definitely am! Ben and I have the evening to ourselves so I'm certainly excited for that. Do you have any plans?"