#if you tell me this dude was here all along & people still went so apeshit bananas for the pale elf vampire guy i am gonna have to

[tw1stedthicket]

I reblogged one (1) post of dragon age art of a man cuddling a gryphon bc gryphons are cute now imagine my shock that my feed is now turned into 37 consecutive images and gifs from people sobbing profousely on their knees and thirsting with wailing need like stray cats in heat longingly crying out in pain for this absolute sexy chiseled armored knight heartthrob cutie patootie who happens to just have a pet gryphon and turns out is a startlingly, unfairly gorgeously blessed glistening, beautiful ass man elf

[aesterblaster]

Bad Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

Which Blue Lock Characters Have Gone To Therapy, In My Humble Opinion. (+ Who Desperately Needs To But Hasn't + Who Might In The Future)

Warnings: Some spoilers for way past the U-20 Arc, also not an extensive list of characters, honestly kind of funny. I wasn't trying to be TOO serious

Songs: Falling Behind / Laufey , The Main Character / Will Wood , Nothing's New / Rio Romeo

Has Gone To Therapy And Loves Their Therapist Gang

-Anri, There is no way she is able to have that much patience and take that much shit from corporate without having a therapist. I think she uses like 1/5th of her paycheck on books about improving your life and stuff like that LMAO. Her therapist is also a woman so it helps her to have someone who understands her frustrations with not really getting credit despite being one of the founders of Blue Lock. Also sometimes she gets worried she's unethical towards the boys so that weighs on her.

-Kenyu, Look it's still in progress ok? He was just starting before he came to Blue Lock. Once he realized he was going to lose his vision he started working with a professional and found it really helpful. In fact they were the one who encouraged him to go after Blue Lock in the first place. One of the reasons he was so quick to say sorry to Isagi is because he has those #coping skills.

-Gagumaru, After having a run in with a bear in the woods he kept having nightmares and his parents made him go to therapy. Well it was kindddd of therapy..it was a hippie who's a family friend. That doesn't mean he doesn't know grounding techniques. He even taught Naruhaya how to calm down from a panic attack once. But yeah, he doesn't really tell people that he went to therapy

-Snuffy, After his best friend's death he went to therapy ASAP. The type to only call his therapist once every 5 months and still have a rock solid relationship with them. His therapist helped him break his womanizing habit and realize that he's enough all on his own. 100% did some soul searching and stepped away from the scene. He also combined the therapist with a personal trainer to really max out his healing process. 100/10 dude for it.

"I Have Gone To Therapy And It Didn't Work" Crew

-Chigiri, Similar to Kenyu, his parents thought he might need some mental health help after the trauma of thinking he'd never be an athlete again. But he was one of those cold shoulder my mom is forcing me to do this cases. He never actually worked through what he might do if this whole thing falls through. Also snarkiness 100, his therapist almost quit because he was so insulting to them. Chigiri just felt ashamed that his parents even thought he should go in the first place and convinced his sister to also beg them to stop taking him lmao.

-Isagi, Okay at some point his parents realize he takes faliure wayyy too hard and tried to get him in therapy. When he talked to the therapist though the dude was like "Yeah, he's just competitive. Nothing wrong here." Alas, he's been masking for so long that he's incapable of revealing his issues to anyone who hasn't known him for 3 years or plays sports with him. Also, he convinced himself he doesn't need it and then idly imagines just going apeshit and killing his enemies to cope with stress...like bro...

-Noa, Why do you think he gets along with Isagi? All jokes aside, his PR people probably asked him to do it and he went and then secretly never went back. It honestly didn't work because he wasn't willing to give it a chance. And still isn't!!!! Would rather backflip off of a yacht than tell someone in a lounge chair about how growing up in intense poverty still haunts him sometimes, makes him question his worth and avoid conflict in day to day life. Sometimes he wonders if one day he'll wake up and find out it was all a dream....But nah he doesn't need therapy!

-Oliver, He was soooo close to actually getting his mental health in check but then his therapist retired. After that he got another really seasoned one and saw the amount of case files in his desk and just felt like a straight up burden. One of those "other people have it worse" and "it is what it is" guys. He's very open about his emotions and feelings so he just talks to his friends when he's really struggling. (Even though Sendou never says the right things-) Like yeah it's their job but why bug these nice people when sex?? Why talk about issues in sessions when he can get drunk or go train for 4 hours??? Riddle him that?

The "I Need Therapy And I Know It" Team

-Ness, He has so many fucking issues. Honestly, despite his devout worship of Kaiser he does realize that his behavior isn't quite healthy or normal. Dude tries to show you a funny video on his phone and all of his ads are for Betterhelp. Genuinely trying to figure out a diagnosis. Yes he has looked up all sorts of personality disorders and no he doesn't think he has any of them (He has at least two). But again, Ness is self aware enough to know that some help or someone to talk to who sees him as an actual human being would be nice.

-Niko, He cannonicaly describes himself as very very introverted and nerdy, also he hides his face. Tell me you were bullied in school or at least had an extremely traumatizing incident without telling me. Kind of never had anyone, just people who hung around because of his soccer skill or avoided him like the plague. He is that guy who will rant about "society" online for hours and fantasize about moving to a different country thinking he'd get better treatment there. Cripplingly lonely and self conscious at the end of the day, in all honesty. Also he genuinely wants a therapist but just can't afford one.

-Hiori, Obviously his parents are the ones who stop him. He tries to go and his mom realizes where he's making her drive him and swerves off. Even when he gets his license, you just know they're tracking everywhere he goes. He doesn't have enough privacy to really get better like that, Hiori has to wait until he moves out. Still genuinely fucked up by the fact that Gagumaru has gotten therapy and he hasn't. Just listens to emo music and plays video games and pretends that that fixes everything. He's totally releasing a top-selling book about his horrible childhood after Blue Lock.

-Bachira, Is he outgoing and silly? Yes. Does he need better coping skills? Also yes. Men will tell you the most horrible and traumatizing childhood memories about getting jumped and then laugh it off, and it's him, Bachira is men. He ties to brush off his trauma with humor but it never really works. He knows that he genuinely needs to talk to someone other than Isagi or his mom about the Monster and how it was by his side for so long. But also never goes through with getting professional help, just thinks about it sometimes.

The "What's Therapy? Fuck You!" Group

-Kaiser, Oh god, don't even suggest it to him. I headcannon that mental illness kind of runs in his family. He's watched family members be taken away for being too out there and openly mentally ill so he has a reason to not trust doctors. Just associates therapy and things like it with abusive institutions. If he told a therapist all of his issues, he'd probably be sent to a psyche ward. Just the threat of being sent there single handedly kept him from killing himself or talking about his feelings when he was younger. He will continue to just be slightly abusive to the people around him thank you very much.

-Ego, Bro's got the government banning him from soccer and you think he's thinking of therapy? When Anri tells him he needs it offhand, he's like, revenge is my therapy. Insane as fuck but thinks that it's a good thing. He is not willing to talk about his issues to anyone, but especially not someone who will write it all down. Genuinely ruined a few relationships in his past because the main people he attracts are the "I Can Fix Him" people and it just never works. Suprisingly unself aware for how much he analyzes others.

-Barou, His main issue is just shame and failed gifted kid syndrome. But as soon as he's back up he's convinced he doesn't need help. Barou suffers from really high highs and really low lows but he also has the mental fortitude to handle it. He is a well adjusted and kind enough person outside of the soccer field so he never considers that he needs therapy. When he feels bad about himself he hits the gym but he's never really opened up to anyone and he sure isn't going to start once he gets more famous. Especially when he's seen as one of the best right now, can't risk his reputation.

-Rin, He's would rather gut himself with a sword than admit that his mental illness doesn't make him a cool loner wolf and just a lonely person who hasn't healed his inner child. Kind of just wants someone to baby him and tell him everything's going to be alright but in the mean time his barriers are up 24/7. He disdains therapy, thinks that he'd just be seen as a pay check and he kind of isn't wrong. Rin would rather pay money for expensive cleats than spend it for someone to suggest him breathing exercises. He also had a traumacore phase, but he'd rather not talk about it.

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: The one that got away part 1.

Everyone has their story of “the one that got away.” I’m not sure it’s entirely possible but I’ve got two “ones that got away.” One was my fault, the other less so. Ironically they both had the same name too- just spelt differently, one with a ph in the middle, one with a v.

S with a V was the first. I was 22-23 when I met him at work. My experience with men up until then had been terrible. My first love, the first man I had slept with, had pretty much fucked me up for a few years and I was still feeling those effects. At the time I had feelings for a guy C, I’d worked with before S, but it was never going to go anywhere. He hated the idea of marriage and kids and even thought me wanting a new car was materialistic. But he and I had many intellectual debates and ended up at the same uni. I stayed at his place a few times but nothing ever happened. In hindsight this is a good thing! (Irony: J, C and S all worked for the same company along with me just in different stores. Talk about keeping it in the pizza family.)

S, however, was in a relationship. It was his first, and only, girlfriend from when they were about 15ish. (He ended up marrying her.) And it was, to put it mildly, a pretty turbulent relationship. They fought all the time and he confided in me quickly as we clicked instantly when working together. We both had the same wacky sense of humour and in between deliveries we would sit and chat. On slow nights I might go out with him on a close delivery or vice versa to chat more. He confided in me about his girlfriend. Some of the things he told me made me look at him askance; how the fuck was he still with a girl who got jealous if he even made a female friend yet she went to a party where they played spin the bottle and she pashed a few guys and when he got shitty about it she turned it back on him and somehow he became the one in trouble? She was forever cracking the shits at him for no reason whatsoever. When she would ring him he wouldn’t know if she was going to be nice or she was going to abuse him for some imagined problem. She was forever out partying, drinking and doing drugs. He was at uni, she worked as a waitress and I think was doing a TAFE course. Because we got along so well we would often chat after work and then he’d head home and if she was there she would go nuts because she thought we were shagging. I remember something he said once- “at least if we were I’d know you were sane and I’d not be in the shits all the time with a schizo girlfriend.” I just sort of laughed it off but that night, back home, I realised I had a bit of a crush on him.

To counter that I’d spend more time with C, the guy I had feelings for. My friends often joked that maybe C was gay when he’d had me in his bed a few times with no reaction. We often went out for drinks. Even though C was a couple of years older than me he was on his P’s because of a drink-driving incident. In his past he had been a bit of a bad boy- alcohol and drugs. But before we met he’d pulled himself together, gone back and finished school, done a tafe course (I can’t remember if it was a certificate or diploma) and had started at my uni. Occasionally he would do things that gave me hints that maybe he liked me- such as putting an arm around me, or rubbing my arm and asking if I was cold, once grabbing my hand when I had cracked the shits with him and saying come stay at mine. But, ultimately, nothing happened. We ended up losing contact maybe three or four years later when he cracked the shits with me for not wanting to go drinking that night even though I explained because of my back surgery sometimes I couldn’t just be so spontaneous. After that he refused to reply to another email. (The days before FB or early days of it but he wouldn’t have had it anyway and I have looked his name up occasionally but not found him.)

But back to the one who got away. He would sometimes kind of flirt with me and I let him because harmless flirting seemed okay. We wanted to have a drinking night one night, as mates, but his girlfriend went apeshit so that got nixxed. Then one morning he rang me at home. We were both working that night (Saturday), me until 9:30, him until 10 or 10:30. I hadn’t seen him since the weekend before and he told me he and the girlfriend had broken up last Sunday. I was like are you okay? He said yeah, it was the right thing to do. And the fact was he had been talking about breaking up for awhile, before he started sometimes flirting with me even. Anyways he was like so wanna have that beer night since she can’t say no. I was off my P’s by then so could have a few without a major issue driving but he’s like you can crash here. (He was in the caravan at his dad’s house.) I was like oh okay, why not. (There were probably plenty of reasons why not truth be told!) The topic of the girlfriend came up again- I can’t remember how or why- but I *do* remember him saying something like but that’s okay you can give me a hug tonight right? I was like sure.

So I finished work but I went on S’s deliveries with him and we chatted and when finished I followed him home. We had a beer and then went to his brother’s house for a bit (with my hash cookies) and then back to his. We were just sitting around chatting and drinking beer. There may have been a little flirting but not a lot. When suddenly the girlfriend turns up. She’s here for “her stuff” after the concert she had been to that night (it was one of those slightly psychedelic rock bands from the late 1990’s, a band I remember I liked back in high school like three odd years before). Seeing me she said “replaced me already?” I was quick to say “no!” S was just watching while she grabbed a few things and then she went out the van and he followed her. He was out there awhile, I was sitting drinking my beer thinking okay I haven’t drank too much it may be better to go home. So when he came back in as she left I said “maybe I should go.” “Please don’t.” Was his reply. So I didn’t.

We kept sitting on the bed drinking beer, listening to music or watching tv and chatting. At some point in this he said to me, “so where’s my hug?” Hence we ended up half lying half sitting for awhile with our arms around each other, only moving when I finished the end of my beer. (One should never ever leave beer in the bottle, this is a philosophy I live by to this day!) After that he lay down and was like come on, so I did too. I was on the inside (next to the wall of the caravan), facing the wall and he was lying behind me, facing me, his arms around me. We lay like that for awhile. Then at some point I became aware of him moving his body closer to mine. And I would then reciprocate and do the same. Anyway next thing you know he’d rolled us over and he was lying on top of me kissing me. We made out for awhile, he spent some quality time with my boobs and another part of my body. For some insane reason I said to him I didn’t want to have actual sex. He’s like that’s okay, can we still fool around? I said yes. So we continued. Whilst this was happening we had a shock thinking his ex was back so my clothes were quickly fixed. It wasn’t, it wasn’t anyone. By then I had to go the toilet and we went inside and went the toilet and came back out.

We had another beer and then he started kissing me again. He said how much I turned him on and how gorgeous I was. I said dude you haven’t even had that much beer or hash cookies! He laughed and said no, you are, let me show you how much and placed my hand on his work pants covered erection. Im not big on talking too much about sexual details- even with mates to a degree unless I’ve had a few lol- but I will say he got a BJ.

Then we got ready for bed. I turned my back to him to put my pjs on (. my yellow flannelette ones with I believe teddies or dogs on them). Whilst doing this he asked me “The Question.” The one I regret answering how I did to this very day! He asked it casually but I think kind of hopefully, “but you don’t want a relationship do you?” “Nope.” I said. “Damn.” He said. ‘Damn!’ I thought. Why the fuck had I just lied and told the guy I had a major crush on that I didn’t want to be with him when I did? I have analysed that lie a few times over the years. One theory I came up with was I lied because he may have ended up back with his ex and I would have looked like an idiot but my prevailing theory is that I lied because I didn’t know what he was going to say and I may have looked like a total fuckwit! If I had known he would say that I would have told the truth. But I couldn’t take it back.

He slept on the floor that night rather than in the bed with me because he thought it would make the girlfriend feel better if that was the case and they got back together though he did say he wouldn’t take her back because what she had done was fucked. (He did tell me what she had done and how the breakup had gone down but I can’t remember the details now.)

In the morning we went inside to get breakfast (I just had a coffee cos of my whole not eating in front of people especially those I have crushes on policy), and I met his Dad, his Dad’s new (younger) wife and the one or two kids. I remember chatting with the kids for awhile and them wanting to show me toys. When I left he gave me a hug, said he’d see me at work Weds but we would email before then.

We did email. He told me his brother told him he really liked me, like better than he did his ex. He said he spoke to the ex once but nothing came of it. That weds I was nervous going to work. It was the firs time i would see him after what had happened. Would it be be awkward? But when we first saw each other- maybe twenty odd minutes into my shift- he acted like he always did. We were pretty busy so it was awhile before we got a chance to talk when we both got back from deliveries at the same time. And he mentioned “the girlfriend.” My heart literally dropped but I managed to keep a straight face as he told me he went over there the night before; he gave her a bunch of flowers, she gave him a ten second blow job. (10 seconds- either dude has no stamina or she has pornstar skills?!) I was like oh, cool. But the first chance I got alone I sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel and had a little cry. And then told myself well it was my own fucking fault for lying!

After that we went back to being friends and while he seemed the same I pulled back a little, talked about C more, not wanting to seem at all pathetic to him, not wanting him to think I was pining away for him, or to know I had shed more than a few tears on his behalf. We worked together for awhile longer before I left. He was sad when I left and said he’d miss working with me, I said you can email me? And we were Facebook friends on and off for a few years. I saw him one day, the year after I’d left, at the train station in the city. His Uni was near there and I’d started going to Melbourne Uni. I could have said hi. I didn’t. I slowly melted back into the crowd and was glad his train came next.

Like I said he married the girlfriend, they’ve got a few kids together. She clearly grew up and stopped being the partying slut she was (but hey isn’t that what our late teens/early twenties are for??).

If I’d said yes to The Question would life have been different? Would we have had a relationship? Would we have lasted? Would he have ended up with her? I’ll never know…..

Fatgirl.

P.S This turned out a lot longer than I’d expected which is why I’m going to do S with a PH next as a separate entry.

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Sense8 Ep 3 recap: “Polyphony”

iHELLO, FELLOW SENSATES!

I have never ‘capped a binge-watchy show before. They’ve always been network shows so...pluses and minuses here. I don’t really have a set schedule to get these ‘caps out, ‘cause y’all watch at your leisure. 

It’s THE FUTURE.

Pretty soon, Apple will release iBall, where we can watch all our favorite shows from a chip installed into our brains via specially licensed Apple neurosurgeons and projected directly onto our eyeballs. 

For a nominal monthly fee, natch.

Okay. “Obligate Mutualisms” ended with Croome, who had just revealed to Will that he was switching sides, with a knife in his neck and some poor lady Whispers had possessed to do his dirty work slitting her own throat in the Rijksmuseum. 

Everyone goes apeshit. 

Security guards at the museum order everyone out. But Will needs to cause some kind of diversion to find Whispers so Lito steps in as Riley with his actin’ skillz.

Yes, thank you, captions. I figured he was, indeed, screaming. 

He saw the terrorist! What is this world coming to?! They need to CATCH him! He went THAT way! Etcetera, etcetera! 

I love Lito and his skillz. He probs started out in a few telenovelas so he must know how to bring the dramz.

*snort*

Wolfgang appears to let everyone know that he met someone who can help. Her name is Lila and she’s a sensate.

Kala’s Reaction Face is priceless:

Nomi, however, is skeptical. She wonders aloud how Lila and her cluster have managed to elude BPO thus far. Either they’re really cunning or working with Whispers. Wolfie asks her to find whatever she can on Lila Facchini, but before she can do her hacking magic, Bug would kinda like to be in the loop now. You know, it’s a little unnerving that Nomi talks to air all the time.

Don’t look at Wolfgang, though.

So now we check in with our sensates in their individual lives. Sun is on top of the roof of the apartment building belonging to the woman  who’s aiding and abetting her and Ming-Jun’s prison break, doing some breathing exercises. Kala is all dressed up to attend a gallery opening with her boring, non-badass hubby. Wolfgang is presiding over his newly acquired club.

He is basically sitting on a frigging throne.

Aw, come on. Y’all knew that GIF was a-comin’.

At the gallery in Mumbai, we are introduced to this dude, who is totally checking out Kala in his first scene:

His name is Ajay, he works with Rajan, and he’s THIRSTAY for some Kala.

I guess Rajan and Ajay are biznezz partners? And they both have the same taste in dem ladies.

Up on the roof in Seoul, Sun continues to do her mystical exercises and I guess we’re meant to believe it does something to Wolfie and Kala because they both excuse themselves--well, Kala excuses herself; Wolfie just says he has to piss--to use the bathroom.

Where they meet. And Kala asks what we all have been wondering:

Y’all have some weird toilet fetish that you srsly need to explore with a psychologist. 

So they make small talk about her new job and then he’s all “I gotta piss” because angst or not this IS a bathroom until she stops him from emptying his doubtlessly bursting bladder, asking him why it has to be like this and why she can’t just talk to the one man she can say anything to. His reply:

Yeah thanks, German Angel. What the hell is it with these Brooding Heroes who make blanket decisions for themselves and their women folk? If you love said women folk, shouldn’t you, like, consult them? 

But Wolfie’s gotta piss, and when you gotta go, you gotta go. Unfortunately, when he opens the stall door, there’s Lila.

And then, if THAT’S not aggravating for his bladder enough, Kala tells him that she may not be the good person she is pretending to be, etcetera etcetera and okay I totes ship Wolfgang and Kala but oh my GOD WILL SOMEONE LET THE POOR MAN PEE?!

Fuck knows how many beers he chugged down. His kidneys must be bursting! 

Kala is forced to leave Wolfgang when her friends find her to gossip about that “wicked man Ajay Kapoor”. Lila appears amused that Wolfie has a tortured love. He meets her in her car and asks her how she avoids BPO. She spouts some bullshiz about wanting something bad enough blah blah.

Me no likey Lila. 

In San Fran, Nomi has just finished telling Bug that she sees dead people is a sensate and he;s like--

Bug, for the record, thinks it’s fucking awesome as fuck.

In Seoul, Min-Jung and Sun are on the roof talkin’. Min-Jung asks Sun if those assholes who tried to kill her were hired by her bastard brother. When Sun confirms this, Min-Jung says this is a good thing; it means he’s afraid. Sun is a strong, kickass woman. But she has a soft heart. Min-Jung is a wee bit worried that her revenge spree will compromise that. 

In Nairobi, Zakia stops the VAN DAMN to let Capheus know that their infamous interview has already amassed 2 million viewers. And she wants to know if they can do a follow up interview. Capheus doesn’t look too thrilled.

Meanwhile, Nomi is watching a live feed of her favorite author at the bookstore she *would* be working at if she wasn’t a fugitive. And Kala has returned to the scene of the crime/temple where that stabby fun she witnessed took place last year. It’s the first time she’s been back since.

At the temple, there’s some kinda demonstration goin’ on. Annnnnnnd there’s also one goin’ on at the same time in Nairobi. People at the temple are pissed about the Anti-Idoltry bill, you know, the one proposed by Mr. Rasal, who was knifed because of it? That one. At the same time, in Nairobi, the price of water has been raised again and people can no longer afford it. 

Both protests are interlocked together. Capheus attempts to reason with the asshole who keeps raising the price of clean water: “Water is life.”

Wow. That kind of evil takes years of practice. Congratulations, you schlongfuck. Denying desperately thirsty people the only clean water around for miles unless they can pay an exorbitant price is MASTERFULLY dickish. Someone set up an interview with Wolfram & Hart. 

In San Fran, Neets saunters out of the bookstore, Nomi on the Bluetooth, and gets on her motorcycle when--

--she thinks she spots Agent Bent Dick Bendix, the sleezy FBI agent on Nomi’s tail from last season. Not wanting to alert him to Nomi’s hidey hole-boat, she gets on her motorcycle and speeds away to lose him.

And this is where everything gets mooshed. One dude in Mumbai starts a chant of “One truth. Our truth” and Kala is singled out as “not belonging” somehow and there is a riot. People push and shove, just like in Nairobi. There, a woman with an infant goes down, and the baby begins to cry. Capheus cradles the baby while the woman stands, gives him back to his mother, then regards the asshole with determination. There WILL be clean water for all, damnit! All the while Neets is driving like a bat outta hell to get rid of Bendix.

Scenes like that are kinda hard to recap. I never really know if I should describe them individually or sort of meld them...or whatever. It’s headache-y!

Okay, so, the next scene with the lab. Can I just say--

Cha, this show is GREAT, don’t get me wrong but there can be moments of WTFery. I didn’t entirely “get” what was happening here so I turned to some other recaps of the episode and that scene was ALSO emitted so those authors likely had no idea WTF either. Riley is...testing...something. And blood is being taken out of her. By some Dutch guy she used to be baes with. 

All I know is Will mind-warps in all jealous-y “WTH is going on here?” and Lito’s all I think they were lovers. And Dutch Guy is all coweyes at Riley “I missed you” and she replies “It’s good to catch up” and I giggle because--

And because Dutch Guy cannot take a hint, he trails a hand along Riley’s hand and she subtly takes it away and it’s HIGH-LARIOUS.

Dutch Guy is NOT getting into her Riley Blues. 

In Nairobi, Kobi Kihara, Zakia’s boss at the station, is interviewing Capheus on air. She mentions his father, who was involved in politics and was killed for it when Capheus was a young boy. Did that at all “inspire his love for social justice”?

Capheus is a Social Justice Warrior I guess? Man, the alt-right would descend upon the poor guy waving torches and Pepe the Frog flags and screaming about “Reverse Racism”. 

(And no, before someone calls me a snowflake libtard sjw pos [although idk if they exist on tumblr, which seems to be a very liberal social media outlet, right?] I am neither liberal nor conservative. I am independent/centrist with gay rights support, mkay?).

Capheus seems to have an AHA moment. Maybe that IS why he is so involved in the community despite naive hopes to keep his head down.

In Mumbai, Kala walks into her really awesome new place wearing a really awesome skirt to learn that her husband has been receiving fucking bomb threats.

(Aside: I love Donald Glover so much. He performed some standup at my university and did some freelance with my friend. It was AH-MAZING.)

Rajan tries to reassure her by adding that it was so poorly made, the cops laughed. Still, a special agent has been assigned to keep them safe for the time being.

Kala looks peaked. Where the fuck is Wolfgang? If anyone knows how to diffuse a bomb, it’s him.

In Mexico City, Lito drives to confront Mr. Pasquale, the father of one Raoul Pasquale, the last of Angelica’s birthin’ cluster and his former interviewer/lover. 

We’re also given a sneak peek into snapshots of a still closeted, pre-sensate Lito’s life when he met Raoul, before the plot devise explosion that turned him into a true sensorium. 

In said flashback, as these two hot, sweaty men are makin’ out on the terrace, Lito stops to assure Raoul that he’s not gay. Uh, just, well...

We believe you, Lito.

Mr. Pasquale bluntly asks if Lito was Raoul’s lover. Lito stumbles out a yes as we are shown Raoul giving Lito a blowjob.

On the terrace.

Yo, Lito. If you’re trying to remain closeted, getting a beej from another dude out there for the world to see you, by an interviewer to boot, may not be the best idea.

Will steps in to inquire about Raoul’s disappearance just as we check on over to Seoul and meet Detective Mun.

Or, as I like to call him, Detective Mun of my Heart.

Good Lord, that actor is so absurdly hot. I searched all over IMDb to find him and finally someone on twitter filled me in. His name is Sokku Son and he needs to marry me.

After that ALL TOO BRIEF scene, we’re back with Raoul and Lito, where we’re shown some pictures Raoul kept of Angelica and her cabin and also some stuff he kept hidden behind a large poster of one of Lito’s movies blah blah blah BACK TO MY KOREAN GOD. 

Detective AYOOOOOOOOOOGA--

--knocks on the door, shows off his badge, and introduces himself as Detective Yes Please Mun with the Seoul Police.

At first, Mrs. Cho attempts to act all innocent but Detective Yum Yum Gimme Some Mun shows her Min-Jung’s and Sun’s discarded prison clothes (kinda a stupid move; Wolfgang should’ve knocked them upside the head) and invites them to search the apartment, presumably loudly, giving them ample time to escape. 

In Mexico City, for some reason, Mr. Pasquale still has a VCR and we watch a VHS recording Raoul took depicting Todd, the sensate who hated being a sensate. He’s all dolled up like Jonas and that Drake lookalike and strapped to a table. There’s also Whispers wearing a hideous shirt and...Professor Kolovi, who is not an absent minded professor. The machine is turned on, and Todd’s dreams of being “normal” are dashed when he’s turned into--

Lito and Mr. Pasquale (and mind-Will, mind-Riley, and mind-Nomi) are watching Evil!BPO: Origins. 

Raoul called his father just before he disappeared, crying, and saying nothing, with Angelica holding the phone to his ear.

Back to Seoul and Detective--

There’s a bang, and Min-Jung’s standing with her hands raised over Detective Bae Mun’s partner knocked out..or maybe dead? At her feet. Idk, idk. BANG could mean anything to me. Be more descriptive, captions. But Min-Jung obviously surrenders to give Sun a chance to get away, which she does, running to the roof in her bra and sweats.

Sun does a lot of escaping in her bra this season. 

Here is another gratuitous shot of Detective Yes Daddy for you.

Oh, and furthermore:

Y’all, when I was first watching this batch of episodes and I tweeted out Detective Awesome’s picture, I got MAD responses. Like whoa. This guy has groupies. I think I got something like 400 hearts and 250 retweets, it was insane. That was like over two weeks ago and I’m still getting feedback. 

Mr. Son, you’ve got fans.

K, so Detective Delicious goes to arrest Sun when she starts wailing on him. He begins to fight back but she’s got the upper hand because she’s a Slayer-In-Training a badass bitch and Detective Swoonworthy is all--

While they’re fighting, he flashes back to a jiu-jitsu tournament wherein he got his ass served to him by a girl.

Yep, it was Sun. Which he realizes just before she knocks his hot butt out cold.

Sun returns to the apartment to collect Min-Jung (and perhaps put on a shirt) but Min-Jung decides she’s had enough of freedom. She just hopes Sun clears her name and gets revenge on her brother.

In Amsterdam and San Fran, Will, Riley, and Nomi are having the same dreamemory. In it, Jonas and Angelica are arguing about...BPO sterilizing sensates?!

Look, man. That’s BAD, okay? You never wanna do anything that the Nazis did. That is pretty much a philosophy to live by. “Don’t do what the Nazis did”.

Except maybe for wearing Hugo Boss. Those uniforms were fabulous!

In real time, Jonas mind-visits them while Real Jonas is being wheeled into some Evil Operating Room at BPO HQ in Iceland. He is no longer necessary to them. 

They’re gonna kill him. And they want the sensates to watch.

Jonas is scared. Hell, who wouldn’t be?

While the Evil Doctors are getting ready to Do Their Evil, Dead Angelica appears to help Jonas cross over. It’s really kind of sad because they really did love each other and she knows how badly she fucked up.

His skull is beginning to be cut open WITHOUT ANESTHESIA and the last thing he sees before he presumably dies is Angelica’s face.

Oh MAN THAT IS SO SAD.

I love how binge-watchy shows end eps on a cliffy like we can’t just click “next” to see what happens trololol.

PS: Sorry about the lateness. I had biznezz to attend to. And by biznezz I mean my health insurance. 

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Blitzkrieg Pro Wrestling, “Red Hot Moon”

So here’s a funny story: I wasn’t going to go to this show.

This was the second half of the doubleheader with Beyond’s Connecticut debut, and I was already going to Providence the next day to see Beyond’s second show of the weekend. I didn’t really want to see three wrestling shows in two days, and I really don’t like the doubleheaders. I’m an old man. I don’t want to stand up for hours, eat some shitty fast food in 30 minutes, and hustle back to sit in a folding chair for more hours. That’s who I am, and sooner or later you become comfortable with who you are.

The complicating factor is that I know one of the “office” people at Blitzkrieg, who chewed me out for not sticking around for the Blitzkrieg half of last month’s doubleheader with Chikara. In my defense, at that show I was with people who only like Chikara, but not normal wrestling, an excuse I didn’t have this time. I spent the whole Beyond show hoping I wouldn’t see this guy, and all went well until after the main event, when everyone was filing out: of course, I spotted him standing by the door.

“Hey! You’re coming back for our show, right?” he said.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I said.

I don’t like to tell lies, that’s a good guideline for life in general, and so I grimly resolved to come back after dinner. What else do I have going on in my life, right? Why not? Why not indeed?

So, after dinner, Mark and I returned (Mike sensibly went home) and found that the place was nearly sold out; we found maybe the only two chairs that were next to each other and settled in. We missed two matches and the national anthem, and for that I am grateful. Here’s what we saw:

Triple Threat: Chuck O’Neill def. Chris Dickinson and John Silver via submission on Dickinson

Silver and Dickinson were wrestling their second matches of the day, but didn’t look any the worse for wear. This was fast-paced and fun, like you’d expect from these three guys, although without the stank you’d get from a Beyond match: there was no grimy edge of meanness to this match, it was more family-friendly, appropriate for the show. This is a world where Chuck O’Neill is a gallant hero instead of being a hated Matt Riddle toady, and Dickinson and Silver are just two muscular bald guys in black trunks. Solid match. Rating: Three Regretful Promises.

Seven-Man Scramble: J George wins following the eliminations of Isaiah Rex, Narciso Rex, Ryan Malice, Mr. Grim, Travis Huckabee, and Perry Von Vicious

The “seven-man scramble” is basically a miniature Royal Rumble, with guys entering every two minutes, except you can be eliminated via pinfall and submission along with going over the top rope. This really felt like a battle royal involving those generic, off-brand bootleg wrestling action figures you can buy at flea markets: Perry Von Vicious and Travis Huckabee in particular seemed like they had just stepped out of a blister pack marked Assorted Wrestlers. This was fine. J George came out singing that Rick Astley rickroll song; vapid ‘80s pop is really taking over the world of pro wrestler entrance music, isn’t it? J George won by doing that heel thing where they spend the whole match on the outside and then get the cheap win after all but one guy has been eliminated. Then there was a lengthy, confusing body bag spot because Mr. Grim’s gimmick is that he’s a contract killer. Rating: Two Regretful Promises.

Joey Janela w/ Penelope Ford def. Maxwell Jacob Feinstein via submission

Joey Janela’s first match in Enfield was only last month, where the crowd was mostly indifferent to his heel tactics. Tonight, they were apeshit over him, chanting “Bad boy! Bad boy!” and going wild for the match. Maybe it was a bunch of people who stayed from the Beyond show? Whatever the case, the crowd loved this match, despising Feinstein and cheering Janela on. It was a wild brawl that kept spilling out of the ring, ending on dueling piledrivers. Really good stuff; Feinstein can go for real. Rating: Four Regretful Promises.

Donovan Dijak def. Ethan Page via pinfall

This was one of the best matches I’ve seen in Blitzkrieg, just two dudes at the top of their game going full-speed for 15 minutes, pulling out everything they have, from Page’s shamelessly old-fashioned crowd-baiting to Dijak’s bonkers zest for high-flying moves. The Enfield crowd is finally behind ol’ Donnie D, after many months of not getting him for some reason, and they hated Ethan Page. Dijak won after hitting Feast Your Eyes. Rating: Four Regretful Promises.

INTERMISSION

Having seen two terrific matches back to back, and then talking to my friend to make sure he knew I showed up, I could have left. I should have left. What on earth did they have in mind for the main event, if it wasn’t Dijak vs. Page? Something with Shane Douglas? Douglas was at the show, but I guess we missed his (no doubt lengthy) promo, because all he did while we were there was sign autographs at intermission. Sometimes it’s OK to quit while you’re ahead. This would have been one of those times.

Xavier Bell vs. Briggs: No contest

Xavier Bell is another in the recent class of Brian Fury trainees that includes Ace Romero, Anthony Greene, and Brick Mastone, but unlike them, Bell hasn’t quite found his groove yet. Briggs is a giant guy who looks like the lost member of Viking War Party. They brawled in the ring until Briggs got disqualified, and then attacked the ref, and then Chuck O’Neill came out and started fighting Briggs, and I guess that’s a feud now. Rating: Two Regretful Promises.

The Genius Bar (”Smart” Mark Sterling and “Top Shelf” Troy Nelson w/Sidney Backabella) vs. Sugar & Sass (Solo Darling and Skylar): No contest

An intergender tag match pitting Blitzkrieg’s resident heel team against Solo Darling and local girl Skylar. Lots of lewd comments about this one from the people sitting around us. Can’t be helped, I suppose. I’m not a huge fan of Nelson and Sterling, and this match was heavy on the forced zaniness, but it did end with Nelson trying to be chivalrous to the ladies and getting beaten down by Sterling and Backabella for his troubles. No more Genius Bar, I guess. Rating: Two Regretful Promises.

Sasha Jenkins (c) def. Sexy Jesus in an “I Quit” Match for the Blitzkrieg Bedlam Championship

I generally don’t like “I Quit” matches, and I hate hate hate the Sexy Jesus gimmick, which belongs to the wrestler formerly known as Justin “Hammer” Tunis. Sasha Jenkins is fun to watch and has a lot of energy, but he’s still really young and doesn’t have much in the way of an organic connection with the crowd. He does most of the work in this match which, like all “I Quit” matches, is constantly interrupted by the referee holding a microphone. Sexy Jesus quits after getting taped to the ring ropes in a crucifixion pose. I did not like this match. Rating: One Regretful Promise.

Final Verdict: I’m glad there’s decent indie wrestling so close to home, but hoo boy I should have left at intermission. Also, I’m not a liar! At least not to my friend at Blitzkrieg. I LIE TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE.