#if you send me shitty hateful bad faith anons i will not engage with them

[phantomoftheorpheum]

hey y'all, I know this wasn't one of you, because I didn't lose any followers when I blocked these people, but just to be 100% completely fucking clear- I will not tolerate hate speech of any kind on my posts. my replies are open because I love hearing various perspectives on the stuff I talk about, but if you reply with anything that could be considered hate speech, or if you're just straight up being an asshole, I will delete your reply and block you immediately. if you put anon hate in my inbox, I won't argue with you, you're just gone. it's 20fucking24 and I am too old and too tired to give you the attention you're so clearly desperate for.

[cookinguptales]

TIL that you can block anonymous users via your inbox! And if you do that, it also gets rid of any of their old messages! Which has the side effect of letting you know which anon wrote which messages!

Which I guess is nice because

It gave me confirmation that the one anon I suspected was the same one who keeps sending me stuff I just... do not wish to read (because it's so long-winded, passive-aggressive, and full of absolutely rancid takes) actually was that person, despite the fact that I have asked them repeatedly to just unfollow me. And now I'll never have to get one of their diatribes again.

Kind of a relief to know that actually, my inbox was not full of people who hate me! It was just full of like two people who were really dedicated to hating me! Which is very fucking weird of them!

I will never understand why people get so fucking mad because someone wrote some fandom takes they didn't agree with on their own blog. Just... block me and move on and read stuff from other users who agree with you. It's fandom, not WWII. It doesn't always have to be combative. I'm open to discussion, but if you're just here to curse at me or tell me I'm an idiot or go on a rant about "certain people in fandom" or just be a condescending douchebag... save your breath, maybe? I'm not going to change my mind; all you're doing is irritating us both.

I see takes I don't agree with all the time, but I am normal and well-adjusted (lmao) and I just... scroll. Or block them, if it happens repeatedly. Or if I really feel strongly about it, I make my own meta post about my own opinions without referencing theirs. If I feel irritated, I vent privately to friends. It is just never worth a fight on tumblr dot com. Everyone just comes out feeling bad.

Also like... very genuinely, I do not understand why people send me long anonymous rants via ask when they clearly don't actually want my input. I get that it's scary to make posts of your own with your own name attached (like... obviously, I am proving the risks of that rn) but like?? Stop trying to use me as a platform or something. Gather your courage and make your own fucking post. Surely that must be easier than sending me like 400 words in multiple asks whining about the ~state of fandom these days~ when I clearly disagree with you, then getting angry with me when I disagree with you.

I've pretty much decided to stop publishing those. I feel like it's probably just going to give people what they want? A platform for their vents without actually having to put their names on their ideas. I fully welcome anon asks (even very long ones!) that really want to discuss elements of canon or bring up ideas or ask me for my opinion. Even ones that don't necessarily agree with me, as long as they're respectful! But damn, some of you treat me like I'm not even a real person and I'm tired of it. You don't have to like my ideas, you don't even have to like me, but if you want me to engage with you, you gotta treat me with some semblance of respect.

Like... maybe I've been too nice? I try to answer all messages, even ones that are kind of shitty, as patiently as I can with as much good faith as I can muster, but like. maybe I do need to just tell some people to fuck off and/or delete their shitty bad-faith asks without reading them. Maybe I've emboldened people by engaging with these asks at all, idek. I really like ask culture on tumblr, but like. to be brutally frank, some of you are real shitheads with bad reading comprehension and terrible takes. You're not nice, and your ideas aren't interesting.

(I do just delete the ones that are just cursing or insults, typically, but I usually try to engage if there's any real content beyond that, and maybe that was a mistake...? Maybe you can't react to bad-faith actors with good faith...)

Anyway. This was a long and mystified post, but I really do feel much lighter knowing that the problem was less widespread than I thought (if... more concentrated than I'd anticipated) and that I will never have to hear from certain people again.

I'm probably going to leave anon off for a few more days just because I really do think I just need a mental break from wwdits for a few days, but I feel a lot safer turning it back on now. :')

[thegeminisage]

i am STILL getting asks about my bio. i have three in a row and they are downright HATEFUL. this is incredible. i am driving this person CRAZY because i refuse to disclose my personal history to them. what fucking right do you have to any of that, dude? like...it’s 3am. go to bed. cuddle your cat. play some tetris. find your inner peace. you’re not being the person mr. rogers knows you can be right now

[jyndor]

I swear, WHY are these people harassing MINORS. The atla fandom is mostly adults at this point, that they're SEARCHING KIDS OUT is just so absolutely disgusting. Those kids got to miss the initial ship wars, let them go through 2020 in peace.

Anon I feel you. Full disclosure, I have had a bottle of wine and spent four hours talking to my family on zoom so I’m heated. Okay, here we go. Let me say this. I am 29 and neurodivergent/ADHD so I prefer explicitly-stated social rules of engagement. Like I don’t always pick up on social cues and that has gotten me into interpersonal conflicts in the past with my peers.

BUT. I am 29 so I also understand that I am in a different place than I was when I was 15 or 12 or 17. I have different needs, different expectations, from those who interact with me than I did when I was a kid. Fuck, I know how it might have felt back 15 years ago to hear adults say “she’s a kid, she doesn’t know what she needs, her brain isn’t fully developed and she can’t legally consent” yeah that pissed me off and in some ways it wasn’t true but with regard to consent it was. Of course it was. But what I’m hearing from these minors, these teenagers who I don’t know if they’re 12 or 17, but they’re not asking to be treated like adults - they’re asking to be treated with respect.

Now all of what I am about to say is not me excusing this behavior, but analyzing why it happens. And yes, I am about to say that all of these anons are white I can smell the entitlement in the air.

I know why these fools are targeting minors and poc zutara shippers. I know why. You know why. We all know. They are EASY fucking targets. It’s sick, picking on kids. Absolutely sick. Harassment, predatory. And they are also acting in bad faith - if they were working in good faith, they would come off anon and say, “hey x I truly believe that zutara is harmful and I am confused as to why a poc would be cool with something that other poc say is harmful to them, can we have a discourse?” now granted, this is fucked up and essentialist garbage, and no one is entitled to discourse~ with random people on social media.

Now I want to make something clear before I get to my next bit: the zutara fandom is not the r*ylo fandom. First off, the zutara fandom has experienced hateful shit from TPTB since early on in fandom; we don’t have a lot of support from the creators. In fact, the creators have been outwardly misogynistic and hostile to us. Okay, Dante Basco and some of the writers MIGHT ship zutara but that’s like, not institutional support. And also there is a history of SOME fan creations being really fucking racist. That shit, the “dark enemies hate sex” shit that zutara is stereotyped as being about, is almost completely purged from fandom. Not that it doesn’t exist still. And not that it shouldn’t be corrected and that we shouldn’t try to grow as a fandom. Have I seen shitty politics from zutara shippers? Yes. And I cringe every time, but like I don’t expect every person to agree with my politics. We have grown so much as a fandom - and you can tell by the fan creations. Fanworks are not about non-consensual domination anymore (like they often were in the early days of atla), they are about respect and reconciliation. And they have been for YEARS, like I’m talking s2 onward, when zutara took off. *sips wine*

‘cause here’s the thing. Fandoms are groups of people. People, as a result of centuries-old imperialist/racist constructs, are racist. We have to actively unlearn so fucking much. And any fandom is going to have its shitty elements. This is not something non-zutara shippers are exempt from. Actually, the zutara fandom has done a lot of work to make the fandom safe for poc and minors over the years and I am so proud of it. I have never seen that in a fandom. Ever. It’s not to say it’s perfect, of course not.

We did that on our own. Not because kataangers or sokka/zuko shippers were like WTF RACIST lol no because poc in the fandom were like, HEYYY before you write capture fic please learn about x, y and z, and the white parts of fandom were like, oh shit let’s get educated, this ship is about reconciliation and growth, let’s live up to that. I mean honestly from what I’ve seen from the larger atla fandom, which has a hard time dealing with the criticisms about why atla is racist (lol shocking that bryke appropriating cultures for their financial benefit would be considered racist but /s) could learn from the zutara fandom. js.

Honestly I assume most of these anons are just fuckin white asshole anti-zutara trolls who have never actually interacted with the zutara fandom. As a white person I do think that we white people have a certain level of entitlement to spaces that are not ours. Like, I don’t see poc who have had to be in more collectivist or communal settings as a result of colonialism and white supremacy invading spaces they don’t belong to in the same way that white people do. This is a LEARNED behavior, not an essence or in our DNA. Like, many white people get pissy about not being allowed by social contract to say certain slurs, but like... A) it’s not a legally enforced LAW lmfao and B) those white people only get annoyed when they realize they aren’t allowed to say it. That’s an extreme example, but I think it’s emblematic of a larger problem - because of colonialist ideology, white people feel entitled to ALL spaces and ALL things. We get annoyed when things don’t work how we feel they should. I grew up expecting things to change when my social class put pressure on those things, so it is always going to be somewhat jarring for me to know that that isn’t the case for marginalized communities.

I know some of my friends who are black have said things like, “lol cait why are you so shocked and appalled that x is the way it is, that’s how it always has been.” Not always, and not all of my friends, but like it happens. In those instances it’s like, I see something happen that is racist or fucked up, and they’re like... yeah. Obviously. But for someone who is not exposed to something, they might find it hard to swallow. When it comes to fascists and capitalists, I don’t have any sympathy left to offer - just get fucking educated or have a fist to the nose. But ships are not at that level. And like people work with political bubbles, where they often get isolated to what discourse is happening in other bubbles, fandoms and subfandoms (like ship fandoms) also exist in bubbles. (I am not saying that fascists/capitalists are soul searching in their bubbles, but they do exist in clear bubbles on and offline and that is terrifying to me; their discourse cannot be GOOD and I hate not knowing what they are plotting).

Example. I don’t interact with r*ylo unless it interacts with ME, and what I see, I don’t like. (let me be clear, I am not comparing zutara with r*ylo because they are NOT equivalent; I would not be a zutara shipper if I thought they were similar). But I don’t go into shipper tags and harass children who support r*ylo. I hate it, I really do it fucking sends me up a wall, but I only ever interact with anti-r*ylo content. and in that way, I don’t know what discourse the r*ylo fandom is doing to correct its horseshit. I only know what I see, and I see r*ylo shippers being toxic and racist.

So I hate fucking r*ylo but you don’t see me going out of my way to interact with r*ylos about their ship. I can’t begin to tell you how much I am ANTI-r*ylo. It is antithetical to everything I believe. But again, I am not going into the tags, searching for r*ylos to harass. Maybe the r*ylo fandom is working on its toxic shit, maybe it isn’t. I have no idea, and I am not going to harass r*ylos about it in their inboxes unless they come into my inbox and harass me. And by the way, even then I am not going to have private conversations with shitty people - that’s all gonna be public, bitch.

Wow... IDK if this is coherent because like I said, wine. At best, these anons are racist white people who think that they are helping the anti-racist cause by attacking people who they think are pushing racist narratives... but are not challenging their implicit biases and so are picking on the most vulnerable people, who because of essentialist garbage, they feel like are traitors of the Cause or whatever, and also are minors so they assume are incapable of fighting back.

It’s racism, my friend. I’m drunk, but it’s racism. Hopefully I don’t have much to edit in this tomorrow morning lmfao. Please tell me if anything doesn’t make sense.

[bigskydreaming]

Is that gross ‘cool if I touch your butt’ thing true tho? Meh. I want to look it up and see that’s just bullshit but I am kinda scared to find out tbh

I mean it could very well be, I have no idea, and if it is true, I feel exactly the same way about it as I would if anyone else did it. Its gross and doesn’t need to happen ever.

But no offense to you, if you’re a completely different anon sending this in good faith, b/c either way I have zero interest in exploring that further or discussing it further, because this anon has clearly been trying to goad or ‘back me into’ calling Posey specifically out as a sexual harasser based on this, and I’m just not playing that game. Because it absolutely is a game to whomever that anon is, whether you’re someone different or the same person, and I find that completely disgusting and abhorrent. This person doesn’t give a single flying fuck about actual sexual harassment, assault or survivors, because if they did, they would not be aggressively spamming a rape survivor with stuff about alleged harassment by an actor he likes for the sole reason of having played a character he really likes, just so they can score points or win or get to say gotcha or laugh at how dumb said rape survivor is for having....what? Enjoyed the acting of someone who did something gross?

Especially as this person absolutely is never going to comment on any gross shit any white actors from the cast have ever done, because again, they don’t actually CARE about actual harassment or about any of the victims of any instances of harassment. They just want to ‘prove’ that like, I’m ‘wrong’ for ever having liked or defended this one actor of color they PATHOLOGICALLY hate. Their intended aim, is to try and get a survivor to ‘turn on’ an actor he previously liked or else be labeled a hypocrite and not worth listening to ever, thus invalidating any criticism or good points I’ve ever made in fandom, or else to just make a survivor feel shitty and let down in general for having to acknowledge another actor’s shittiness and let that then color and affect any future enjoyment I may or may not get from watching him in future roles.

Or maybe they’re just trying to trigger me, I don’t know.

Whichever the intention, its gross, exploitative and dishonest, not to mention completely transparent as fuck. I’m very sorry not to be as fucking STUPID as this anon clearly thinks I am, or idk, maybe they’ve just VASTLY overestimated their own intelligence and ability to play Machiavellian Mastermind checkers or whatever the fuck it is they think they’re playing at here.

But I have zero interest in actually arguing with someone who’s only doing so in bad faith. I actually give a shit about sexual harassment and assault, as anyone who’s followed me longer than a week knows - which means this person definitely knows its a big deal to me, given how obviously they hate-stalk my blog, along with however many others of these fucking losers who’ve hate stalked me and spammed my inbox like a plague of stereks over the years.

Its tired. Its boring. Its gross. And all it actually accomplishes is to make me feel queasy about people in general, that there are so many out there who genuinely think shit like THIS is a good use of their time, while targeting someone who clearly gives ZERO FUCKS about their existence and has no desire to seek them out ever.

And its especially obnoxious after engaging with a piece of discourse about anti bullshit because I am so goddamn TIRED of being labeled as like, a fandom bully and asshole because I have issues with how goddamn prolific noncon, pedophilia and incest content are, when people like THIS exist, and I’m the kind of person they target, and yet somehow, fandom’s got everyone convinced that up is down and left is right, and THESE assholes are like, the ones just protecting their right to ship and let ship from the big mean anti bullies like me.

Ugh.

Again, I apologize if you’re a completely different person and are here in good faith, and I totally get you wanting to know if its true and reacting however you do react afterwards if this is case. I just am very aware that this person has been convinced they’re super slick and has pretended to be at least a couple different people over the last two days already, and its got me hedging my bets just in case. Best wishes to you in whatever you find, if you choose to pursue this further, unlike me.

[korrasera]

im not sending you anon hate and i dont have control over anyone else. I never asked any to start sending you anon hate. You can stop with the baseless accusations and be smart like me and turn off anon.

Baseless accusations, hmm? Why is it that whenever I have conversations with people that don’t read posts that they’re replying to, make arguments without any evidence or support, and barely want to engage in argument in good faith, I get to listen to people being assholes on anon?

I figure it’s just the kind of people that you wind up cultivating when you make bad arguments and can’t back them up. It’s just one of those weird aspects of the universe, find someone with an opinion that they’re stuck to regardless of the facts and you’ll find more people cheering on ignorance behind them.

And plus? You think it’s smart to turn off anon? The fact that you assign a value like smart or dumb to something like that...

I mean, like, do you get that having anon on isn’t smart or dumb? It’s just a choice because I want to give people who aren’t comfortable identifying themselves and opportunity to talk to me about something or because of something I wrote, and I try to answer all of them.

Because for every shitty anon hate I get, I’ve gotten so many more from people that need to talk about something that affects them or is important to them and I love the idea that I can help them express that when they choose to.

Anon isn’t for everyone because it can be stressful and there’s no shame in turning it off, but lord, acting like it’s some sign that you’re smart is just...ugh...so pompous.