#if you see me on here in before Monday other than queued posts just kick me out ok

[brown-little-robin]

logging out until... *checks notes*... Monday

[blazingtheway]

Through the Looking Glass – Storyline 8 – Together - Part Eight

Continuing on from...

↬ Leah Clearwater ↫ I rolled my eyes when I caught Call winking at #Camila as she walked past him, the older lady giggled holding her free hand to her chest, and I could see the red in her ears and up her neck. “Such a kiss arse.” I muttered. Then I froze looking back over to him. If he heard her talk about him being handsome. Then he heard me saying—… “The Spirits! That’s going to bite me on the arse!” I turned away from him before he made it to the bar. I got to work serving those who’d made their way into the bar next, the regulars were always easy to please. Know their drink, give them a hard time ( when it came to me at least ). The guys were always kind and charming towards our customers, me not so much. And finally, make sure the music was playing in the background. All these things were easy to achieve. ‘Hey Lee, how’s it going?’ I looked up to find a couple of the girls the pups were dating leaning on the bar all dressed up to their nines. “Yeah, not bad girls.” Pointing to their dresses I smirked. “You didn’t have to go to such trouble for me you know.” I joked finishing off serving a couple of the guys before going to stand in front of the girls. They both giggled and flipped their hair off their shoulders at the same time. They were young and a little foolish, but they were kind at heart which had a lot to be said in this day and age. “So, what will it be tonight?” I asked them and then I smirked. This was going to be the kick start I needed. “Hey why don’t you be the first paying customers to try the new special on the menu tonight? I know you girls like yourself some sexy drinks for your insta stories!” That was all it took, the giggles and the hand clapping with the hair flipping started. ‘Oh, Lee YES! I need something fun to start my stories with tonight..’ One of them half screamed out, making the others around her turn to look to see what was happening. I would have groaned at their reaction, but this time it was working for me. I winked at them and pointed to the sign. “Don’t forget to tag the bar and hashtag the name into it. Let’s see if we can get it trending in the local stories tonight.” I had no interest at all in hash tags, trending or Insta stories. But #Tony had mentioned how a following on the socials would help with the open mic and music night. I got to work on making two #MermaidSpunk’s for the girls as they were getting excited with the colours. The blue was really something else in this mix I’d created. ‘What’s with the stage Lee?’ one of the girls asked me as I filled their glasses with crushed ice. “We are going to start up an open mic night as of Monday next week. So spread the word, Call is taking care of the sign ups if you are interested in five minutes up there.” I glanced over to the far side of the bar where he was sitting with #Tony, talking away with the others around them. His word started to play in my mind from Seattle for some reason. ‘𝙄𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙖 𝙨𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙛 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚?’ Out of all the things he’ said to me that night why was it this that came to me now? ‘Could it be because as you see him stepping onto his path, that maybe it is time for you to let go of some of what you are carrying too?’ My wolf was sat up and watching Call with me. I reminded her how some sins were never something a person could walk away from and turned my attention back to the task at hand. “Here you go ladies, two #MermaidSpunk’s just as you ordered, that’s $20.00.” The girls didn’t question the price, and both paid up but didn’t move away from the bar. Instead, they started going at the drink with their phones and posing with the drinks in hand. Walking up to where the board was placed behind the bar, I picked up the chalk and made two lines. Turning to face the gobsmacked #Tony, #Mac who was smiling from ear to ear and then I leant on the bar. “That is two down Call, and we’ve only been open ten minutes.” ↬ Embry Call ↫ I lifted the bottle to my lips as I slipped into a stool by the bar and

muttered. "Hey, I just made her evening." knowing that Leah would hear. The woman smiled and gave a little giggle, I couldn't see anything wrong with putting a little of that out into the world. I smirked when the realization dawned that I had heard her call me her friend. I reached up and tugged on my ear lobe just to drive in the point I had overheard. I recognized the girls she was serving, from the pups memories. In an instant, I knew I was screwed. They were all eyeing the specials board now. “Fuck!” I muttered as Leah made her first two sales. #Tony turned back to me when #Mac was serving someone else and started catching me up on what I had missed with the band and his Mom. He was telling me that business was going well. I knew that hobbies were the first thing to go to the wayside and most of their business came from casual players. #Tony was telling that that was why they got in on the hire business; while I had one ear on Leah still... just because of the bet; I wanted to know if she was pulling too far ahead. "Oh shit!" I interrupted #Tony when she handed the girls their drinks. They were ‘𝒪𝑜𝑜𝑜𝑜𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔over the 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓉𝓎colours and started to take pictures before they even tasted it. #Tony laughed and leaned in. 'You can sing, right? At least in tune if not... well?' He whispered… like that would stop Leah hearing. I gave him a look that more than told him '𝒩𝑜' and the tiniest shake on my head. I couldn't give Leah the satisfaction of hearing me actually say it out loud. She made the marks on the board and swanned over to us like the cat that got the cream... and she kinda had. #Mac was giving me the, ‘𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙬𝙚𝙙’ look like Leah said; 'That is two down Call, and we’ve only been open ten minutes.' "We'll see.” I smirked and put on my cockiest smile, leaning my elbow on the bar, and started talking loudly (not obnoxiously so) to #Tony and #Mac. A group of ladies were close by, slightly older than the ones she had just served, but not by much. "You know what I miss?" I said to the guys and they looked at me like I was losing my mind. "The types of girls you used to be able to sit in bars with... have a beer and a real conversation. Women are so worried about perceptions these days; only drinking wine and things that come in fancy glasses. Like they think it’s less attractive to sit in a bar with a bottle of beer in their hand... when really it’s the sexiest thing ever to most guys." #Mac walked away before I even finished, making me laugh and #Tony stared at the can in his, just shook his head and said. 'Nope! Not getting in the middle of this.' I chuckled; it was the smartest thing he'd said all evening. ↬ Leah Clearwater ↫ The way he had tugged on his ear lobe before, the whisper on the air that only #Seth and I could make out. Which in turn had Seth chuckling as he moved around the bar, and me rolling my eyes. He knew, it was best to stay a few steps away when a challenge was dropped. And the Kid wasn’t wrong. #Tony’s whisper had rang in my ears as if he were talking with me. I smirked as I shifted to serve a few townies with their drinks trying not to laugh now. '𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘈𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵... 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭?' “This is going to be good.” I moved back to stand before them. The girls were still getting a little too excited with the drinks, making #Seth pull his phone out of his back pocket. He laughed looking at the screen. ‘#HWH and #Mermaidspunk is blowing up!’ I raised my eyebrow at the comment Call was making, Still leaning on the bar as he made sure that others, especially a group of women queuing up to be served would hear him. “Such a wise arse Call, it won’t save you.” I curled my bottom lip into my teeth pushing back off the bar to move. Winking at #Tony. Who was learning fast. “Wise move Ton. It’s a safe bet to take a few steps back too.” I teased, raising my own voice a little the same way as Call had, for normal ears it would be fine to hear over the sounds of the bar picking up. “See,

I’d have to disagree with you there.” Crossing my arms over my chest my eyes on him the whole time, knowing full well that all other eyes were on me now. “Women don’t come to bars these days caring about what you men think about their drinks choices. They earn their own money, then spend it the way 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 want to. If that is on beer.. Great.. If that is on a sexy ten dollar cocktail.. Great. It’s their choice. Only an easy to lead woman would want to pay attention to a comment like that one Call.” Pressing my lips together I stepped back to serve. “Who is next?” I called out. Three of the women watching Call stepped up to the bar. ‘We will take three #MermaidSpunk and five beers.’ I groaned. Three wasn’t bad, but Call had managed to win over five of them. Five! The Spirits! If it wasn’t for his smile and that way his eyes pulled the women in. I would have won that bet now! fifteen minutes into opening and I would have been done. “I should class that as Cheating.” I told him as I walked past to grab a few more glasses. ↬ Embry Call ↫ My teeth pressed into the flesh of my bottom lip when I heard her say “𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝒹.” Music was my thing, I was pretty sure with enough practise I could master almost any instrument, but the piano and the guitar satisfied the musician in me. Unlike #Tony who always wanted to try something new. But a voice… that was something you were born with or not. And I was not. Granted there were occasions after #Quil imprinted on Bear that I had sung to her when she spent the night at our place but, only when she was sick or fussy; and only because #Quil was even worse than me. I chuckled inwardly at the thought. The toddler had not been impressed. I heard #Seth mentions the trending hashtags. Fucking Instagram! This place would be flooded with the cocktail crowd in an hour. I kept my eyes glued on Leah’s as she retaliated against my comments; I knew it threw her off her game. It was clear she believed every word she was saying… of course she did! I mean they were true. There was nothing hotter than a woman that broke the mould and carved her own path, not giving a shit about what other’s thought. My comments were purely self-serving for the sake of the bet. But where the hell were they? Other than Leah… there wasn’t a single one in the room. Even the three girls in the group that ordered the cocktail… were they doing it to prove they didn’t give a shit what the hot guy at the bar thought, or was it really what they’d wanted all along? And five girls…. All five happened to prefer beer? Unlikely. “Hey! Just expressing an honest opinion.” I smirked. I’m sure it was someone’s honest opinion… not mine, but someone’s. She still got three more for the board though, and the night was extremely young. My confidence was waning, and I knew I couldn’t pull that line out again without incurring the wrath of my Beta. ↬ Leah Clearwater ↫ My eyes moved back to Call and the way he bit down on his lips was telling. He had a few tells, that lip biting thing used to annoy the crap out of me. Especially when he added his cocky grin to it, a bat of his eyes and the girls were lining up. ‘You know a little too much about his lip biting, wouldn’t you say?’ My wolf teased but she was watching him too. I told her to hush up, it was the job of a Beta to know the ins and outs of their pack and all those around them. Call and his lip bites. Each one had a different story to tell. Seth and the way he pushed his hands into his pockets as well as the redness in his neck. Paul had that scoff, the one he didn’t even know he let out when he was trying to hide something. Collin couldn’t hide the fact that his ears would go red… They all had something that let me in to say, ‘𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮.’ “Sure, somebody’s opinion. I know whose it is not.” Pointing at him, I smirked getting back to work. My gaze was pulled by the group of girls with the beers making their way around the bar. They came to stand around #Tony and Call, when

the smiles and the hair flipping started, I shook my head and stepped away. “They have their hands full.” I muttered before calling out “Who’s next?” Walking down the bar towards a couple stood waiting. ‘Hey Lee?’ #Mac came to stand next to me waiting for me to be done with the IPA. “Hmm?” is all I said to give him the go ahead. ‘So, you know how to sing right? I mean you got a good start, but Call has a way with the ladies.’ We both turned our heads and glanced cross to the group of girls getting friendly with the two guys. “You know I don’t plan on losing Mac, so it doesn’t matter if I can sing or not.” But at the same time there was a change coming to my plan of action in my head. Setting the drinks down on the bar for the customers I’d been serving. My eyes moved to the door. I knew who was about to walk in. I’d heard them pulling up outside, their scent was in the air. ‘Hey Mac. Leah!’ The chorus of voices rang from the door as a group of pups came barrelling in. ‘What we got to do to get some service?’ “I don’t know, try paying for it maybe?” I mused moving on to serve the next waiting person. ‘Don’t be like that Lee, you know I got them.’ My lips curled up into a grin hearing the voice I was waiting for. ‘Uley, did you miss the turning to your house, or did your wife get sick of you, and kick you out?’ He laughed a full-hearted laugh coming to lean on the side where I was serving. ‘Jeez woman, at least try to keep my secret for me.’ #Mac had a round of beers opened and on the bar for them all. ‘See, Mac is always ready with great service with that killer smile of his.’ #Sam and the pups thanked #Mac. “Service with a smile? The Spirits Mac! What did I tell you about that crap! We don’t want this lot coming back thinking they are welcome.” I teased. ‘Wow, there’s a stage! What’s going on?’ Without waiting for a reply, the Pups were gone. Rushing over to speak to #Seth and the others about the new addition. ‘What’s that about?’ #Sam asked pointing to the board with #Mermaidspunk written over it. “Let’s just say it’s a challenge by the Wisearse.” He’s eyes moved around the bar and came to a stop at Call. ‘Ahh… and the challenger has an audience too I see.’ Pushing off the side he gave me a nod of his head and went to join the others. ↬ Embry Call ↫ She was doing that thing where she read our minds... Even when we weren't phased, she knew what we were thinking. I was good at reading people, but... Leah was practically psychic sometimes. I contained a slight smirk as the girls came to a pause nearby, despite the fact there were empty tables, and they were all in heels. It was too easy to be tempting. I picked up my bottle and took another swig. I heard #Mac asking Leah what #Tony had just asked me, and I smiled. Her reply was determined, and I saw the cogs start to turn in her head again. More and more lately I was starting to realise, her eyes gave away so much more than she wanted them too… but it seemed like nobody else had noticed it yet. Something in her was changing, was she becoming less guarded? Or was I becoming more observant? #Tony set the empty can down on the bar and let out a breath. 'I better get going, if I'm going to get back in time to help Mom close up.' He stood up and waved to everyone behind the bar. I got up too, to say goodbye, giving #Sam a nod as he came in. "We'll see you Monday night, right?" I asked with a grin. 'Of course.' #Tony beamed. "I never miss an opportunity to get on stage, you know that.' I laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I'll make sure to sign you up with a good slot. See you around, man." #Tony headed out to his truck. The pups were teasing Leah at the bar and she was giving as good as they gave. I walked up to the group and patted two of the kids on the back. "What have I told you guys about tipping?" I laughed. "If you want preferential treatment you need to pay for it!" Without any more acknowledgement than a few scoffs and eye rolls, they were off and examining the stage. I leaned up against

the bar next to #Sam, hearing him mention my audience. The women that had been buzzing around earlier were glancing over, seemingly debating how obvious it would be to follow me across the bar. Eventually settling on taking the booth closest to where I stood. A few of their eyes drifted to the pups now too and it reminded me that they weren’t exactly kids anymore. But they were always going to be pups to us. "Still feeling confident, Clearwater." I teased once #Sam left to supervise the young ones in their fascination. I pointed the rim of my bottle to the board and then brought it to my lips. Flawlessly feigning unshakable confidence, myself. ↬ Leah Clearwater ↫ My gaze followed #Tony as he moved to leave, giving him a nod of my head, I made a mental note to call him tomorrow to thank him for all his help. I saw Call walking him out and heard #Tony saying he would be back for the Open mic night, which I had to admit to myself I was now looking forward too. He’s voice was so good, and the live element to the music had pulled me in deeper than I had expected it too. ‘There is magic in music Leah, you know this.’ My wolf told me. And I reminded her that I was taken off guard. The next time I’d not be so lost as I now knew what to anticipate. ‘Sure, it’s all about your anticipation now.’ She rolled her eyes at me. “Oh please, all of your arses put together couldn’t afford the tip needed to get that kind of service from me.” Snapping my teeth, I jerked forward. Even with the bar between us the pups took a couple of steps back away. Making me smirk as I pushed my fingers through my hair and moved on to the next customer. Voices coming in from the outside, took my attention to a group of lads walking into the bar. They weren’t from here, as I looked to see who it was, I managed to recognise two of the guys in the group. “Townies.” I whispered knowing full well that #Seth would hear me. He lifted his head and glanced over towards the door before turning to look back at me. I whispered again to him. “Card them, so they know we are watching them.” He nodded his head, setting the tray down on the table and weave his way around the bar which had slowly started to fill. ‘Lee?’ #Mac called out; he’d seen them coming in too. “Yeah, I see them. It’s all good.” Giving him a sharp nod towards #Seth who was now talking to the group. But then my eyes followed the glance of a few of the boys in the group over to the girls in the booth trying to gab Call and the pup’s attention. They had clearly managed to catch sight of #Sam’s wedding ring, not that, it would stop some of the women from trying. But #Sam exuded a vibe that told women 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜and they did. Call’s smug voice pulled me back and I honed into the conversation. ‘Bry, you know better than to tease this HotHead. She will chew you up and spit you out, without even blinking once.’ #Sam was now leaning on the bar too, his bottle of beer to his lips. “He should know, he is speaking from experience. His wife does it to him on the daily.’ I teased right back. #Sam hit his hand over his heart and laughed. Moving as I saw the young man from before coming back, he’d left his girlfriend at the table. Holding my index finger up to Call to say 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙨𝙚𝙘’. As I moved down the bar, my gaze flickered back to #Seth as he took his time checking each ID, to the protest of the townies. Each face, body type from their height to their eye colour was registering with me and my wolf. “Same again?” I asked as he lent in on the bar. He smiled shocked I knew what he had before. “Hey, you know you should try the special cocktail on the menu. It’s only here for one night and the ladies are enjoying it.” I jabbed my thumb over to the young girls as well as the group of girls who were all taking photos and drinking theirs. ‘Those look stunning, yes please, let’s go with that.’ Giving him a wink, I poured his drink first and then went to make him a #Mermaidspunk. Making a point to stop before Call and #Sam as I filled the glass up with

ice. “Call remind me. What number is this one now?” Waggling my brows at him before returning to my customer.

↬Embry Call ↫ I shook my head at the pups as they stepped away. When would they learn? You needed to stand your ground and take your lumps with Leah. It’s not like our lumps didn’t heal fast, I smirked and kept my eyes on the woman. She was combing her fingers through her hair again. How had I never realised she did it that often? I heard the voices approaching when Leah’s reaction, I could tell right away she recognised something that meant potential trouble; if it had just meant trouble, she would do a lot more than have #Seth card them. I’d seen her refuse people entry before they even made it to the bar, she was always the protector… and she wanted this place to be somewhere people felt safe and relaxed, even if that meant turning away paying troublemakers. But it was also what kept people coming back. I couldn’t help but pull myself up from being propped on my elbows at the bar to my full height. I saw #Sam have the same reaction, he stood just a couple inches over me. His Alpha senses never failing, I may not have been in his pack anymore, but I still had huge respect for the man. Even on high alert he flawlessly blended the Alpha with the man, teasing me about goading Leah. I laughed hard at her mention of #Emily. That woman was the sweetest and most loving ball-buster you would ever meet. But a ball-buster all the same. “C’mon Leah… You know any Quileute man that really knows the legends isn’t afraid of a strong woman.” Then I turned to #Sam and winked. “I can handle it.” I smirked at him. “Besides… She can’t kick me out tonight. I need to be here to make sure the #Hothead plays fair.” I pointed to the board again. There were too many marks up there for my liking, but I didn’t let it show. ‘You gonna tell me the details?’ #Sam’s expression told me that he already knew I wouldn’t. “All will become clear in time, my friend.” I patted his shoulder and drained the last mouthful from my bottle. Leah was moving to serve someone, and I heard her sell another one. I dropped my face… smiling and shaking my head… muttering “Fuck!” #Sam just laughed. ‘I have no idea what you two are up to… but I have a feeling it’s gonna be entertaining.’ He patted me between the shoulder blades. ‘How many until you lose?’ He had clearly deciphered that part of the bet. ‘’Ten.’ #Seth answered for me and went to put the sixth mark on the board for his big sister.

↬ Leah Clearwater ↫ Shaking my head listening to the three of them. ‘Sam, all you need to know is that you need a babysitter for Monday. You and Emily will want to be here.’ #Seth was laughing and teasing Call now. I let out a short laugh as I worked. ‘By the Spirits, did Leah Clearwater just laugh?’ #Sam was now teasing me? I rolled my eyes at him. “I laugh.” I scoffed, and #Mac shook his head muttering something about it was good to see me with my hair down. Which earnt him a back hand over the side of his head. ‘Employee Abuse. You all saw it!’ He knocked on the bar towards the wolves. ‘She can abuse me anytime.’ I heard the mummer coming from somebody in the group of lads. #Sam’s hand tightened around his glass bottle, but he let go seeing my eyes on him telling him to chill out. Clearing his throat. ‘I saw nothing. Is Leah even here?’ He joked with #Mac. “See, that gets your arse another beer.” Smirking I pulled two more, setting them before both Sam and Call. I glanced past the crowd building at the bar, to the lads. Making sure I knew where they were at all times. We were a bar with a good reputation, one that the boys and I had worked hard to earn. People knew coming here to the #HWH would mean; 1. 𝙎𝙖𝙛𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝘽. 𝘾𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙛𝙪𝙣 3. 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙀𝙮𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙥𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙩. 𝘿. 𝙉𝙤 𝘽𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚. Basic rules for all to follow it didn’t matter if you were male or female. Out of the side of my eyes, I saw the way both Call and #Sam changed their posture. Both moved in synchronisation, moving from the chilled lazy half lay on the bar, to peacocks flaunting their feathers. Or at least that was the image I was sure the women in the bar who all turned to watch them would be seeing. The men. Then I saw taking a step back if they were standing. Or slide their chairs away a few inches if they were seated. It was a reaction we all got. All the wolves were good at hiding in plain sight, and then showing themselves without needing to say a word with a blink of an eye. My wolf sat up with them, my body did not need to change its posture as I was always on guard. ‘Solidarity without needing to ask for it.’ My wolf said proud as the two of us glanced around and found that the pups had noted the change and they two had stilled and straightened up where they stood. “Easy” the word was a whisper, but those who needed to hear it did and continued their conversations. I knew how to watch without really watching. To anybody stood before me, I was dealing with business to hand. But within myself my wolf and I were watching it all as it unfolded. There were a group of guys checking out the stage, a couple of big groups chatting away and drinking around the tables beside the windows. Both the pool tables busy with people playing, drinking, and talking. The couples who came in to relax before the madness started to stand and were on their way out now. ‘Thanks guys!’ they waved, and we nodded back. The townies, we knew. They came for the drinks and then there were the townies who came in for more. Be it for the Quileute girls, or the Quileute guys. You could tell by the way their eyes worked the crowds when they arrived. And it was clear what they were here for. But it was the ones who had a way to set the hairs on the back of my neck on edge who always got my personal attention. And the group #Seth had carded was one of them tonight as they walked up to the bar, and instead of going for service to #Mac who was clear, they waited with their eyes pinned on me. “The Spirits.” I muttered, but at the same time I was smirking making them wait. “Wait just a minute, are you trying to say that I would cheat? Have you met me before? Leah Clearwater does not need to cheat to come out on top!” The muttering coming from the group waiting ‘She can go on top of me any time.’ Making me crack my neck from one side and then to the other. The sound of the chalk pen breaking in half made me roll

my eyes. The kid needed to chill. Leaning to the side of the bar, my finger outstretched to the 5-foot 11-inch short arse, with bleached highlighted tips. “You couldn’t handle me if I were on top. Thank your lucky stars you have nothing I want. Now shut your mouth and wait for your turn.” My attention on the customers I finished up with. “Seth, we need more vodka, these cocktails are flying out the door.” I told him turning to glance over my shoulder. His jaw was tight, which made no sense to me. He wasn’t one to react in such a way. ‘They are all on a path of evolution Leah, maybe the kid is stepping up to become a protector just like his sister?’ She asked. Making me think, and then push that thought to the side. I would need to dig into that deeper at another time. “Now, what do you idiots want to drink tonight?” My eyebrow raised as I crossed my arms over my chest. Bleached tips stepped up with a grin on his face. ‘Why don’t you surprise us? You seem to be a woman who knows her stuff.’ My lips turned up into a grin. I glanced over to Call, as I spoke. “So, let me get this right. The five of you... want me to pick your drink for you? All Five of you?”

↬ Embry Call ↫ “It seems to be happening more and more lately Sam.” I grinned at him when he teased Leah about laughing, it was true... I mean she laughed, of course. She laughed at the pups when they did or said something idiotic… actually that went for all of us. But there was a different side of her showing now. I chuckled at #Mac again, knowing only too well that she’s never hit him hard enough for it to hurt… maybe a slight sting when he’d earned it. All I did when I heard the idiot townie and his comment; was contain the twitch in my jaw. This was something I’d had to learn to expect… especially with the young or more sensitive girls at the club. I lifted the bottle to my lips to cover it, knowing to well that to Leah this was only a drop in the ocean of the things she’d dealt with… and not just in this bar. Leah was all about the subtle monitoring of a potential situation but, #Sam and I were more about making it known. 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐡, 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. Was it intimidating? Yes. Was it meant to be? Hell yes! “Just reminding them where they are.” I muttered into the rim of the bottle in my hand, looking at #Sam as if I was talking to him, keeping my face neutral. “When did Leah Clearwater start talking about herself in the third person?” I teased, leaning on the bar and locking in her gaze again. “Remind you of anyone you know?” I burst out laughing… thinking of Joe Fucking Walker. The next comment from a customer at the bar made me clench my hand around the bottle I was holding. I knew I was a womaniser and a game player… but this was just crass. When I was interested in a woman; she had my full attention and respect for the small handful of hours that we would spend together… but this wasn't flirting; it was just a tiny little man trying to be disrespectful because he was clearly not getting any tonight. There was something strangely familiar about the words she had for the fool. But Leah and I certainly never had a conversation anything like that before… I mean, yeah, I’d been caught checking her out once or twice… but I was still part human and Leah was… Well. But I’d never said anything like that to her. Then the idiot decided to let Leah choose their drinks I dropped my head into my hands, this would send her over the edge, and I’d be making I singing debut on Monday.

TBC...

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

27th April 2017

My alarm went off at 0900 for breakfast. Steve was up and out as per normal. I'm so jealous of how well he wakes up. His alarm goes off once and he's up and out of bed straight away. I got down to breakfast and sat with Megan. She had an interview at 1400 & another with My Home at 1530. She gave me the number for My Home to ring in hope for an interview. This company hires anyone. Meg had pancakes and I had muesli but I couldn't eat it all. I went to my room around 1030 and called My Home. I was so scared but I was so annoyed about being unemployed, it pushed me to ring. I got an interview straight away for 1400 that day. I was that excited I ran to Megan's room on the 7th floor! My Home is a company that started in the U.K. (Surrey and St Albans). It's a company that provides cleaners to go to your house and do the house work... Over here they only employ backpackers. There's always a huge turnover and there's new staff every week. Easy work, Monday - Friday, weekly pay. What more could I want? Cherry worked there and the guy told her he only employs pretty girls. I got ready for my interview and left for the station at 1300 with Meg. We both had to get the train on the same platform but different directions. I had to go to Camberwell to the head office. I was so nervous, I really wanted this one. I spent ages getting ready making sure I looked good enough but not too much, if that makes sense. I got to Camberwell station after 10 stops due to the train doing the city loop which was annoying. I had a 15 minute walk to the office. I thought I was going to be late but I had 10 minutes spare. I got to the office and had to fill out an employment form. There were 4 other girls there at the same time, doing the same thing. I was crossing my fingers and my toes. I had my one on one interview with the big boss which was good. He invited me back for a second interview. This usually takes place on another day but he has said to wait around for an hour until 1530. I walked outside feeling so confident. I was buzzing. Employment here I come! Money isn't great but it's better than nothing. It's about $18 an hour. Camberwell had nothing around except a petrol station. It was below 10 degrees and raining. I went into the petrol station to grab a coffee and to waste the hour somehow... I stood outside the shop part of the station out of the rain. I rang Steve and spoke to him for about half an hour. People must've thought I was really weird just standing there. Oh well. I was dry so that's better than nothing. I text Meg asking how long she'd be. I was excited that we both had the same interview. We had to pretend that we didn't know each other which would be a great laugh. I went into the office and had to fill out another employment form. Meg sat next to me but we didn't speak. Every now and then I'd catch her trying hard not to laugh. We had to turn away from each other otherwise we'd make it obvious. We went for our interview that went on F.O.R.E.V.E.R. The main man went on how what a business is, how the market works, what people want etc... His side kick came in and went over what they want, how it works and all the policies and stuff like that. It almost felt like we had the job. There were 4 of us, all British. Megs and I, another from Birmingham and another that I didn't speak too. She was annoying - a real brown noser. We had to watch a DVD to learn even more about the company. After about an hour and half of talking, we had to have another 1-1 with the big boss. It wasn't an interview though. It was "do you understand how we work?", "Can you do it?" - done. He said to us all to ring at 1800 to find out whether we got the job. He would then invite us in the next day regarding contracts etc... How exciting. I was really happy at the thought of possible employment, even starting tomorrow! There's like 5 people that work for My Home in the hostel I live in. There's a girl in my room at the moment that works there. She said the employ the world and it's wife! There's 5 main offices in Melbourne and 40 girls that work at each one. (They only hire girls). I have to be able to drive, which I can, but I'm nervous. Driving in a different country is scary. It's not too bad here because it's the same side but they have odd roads. You have to queue on the left to turn right... Plus it's an automatic and I drive manual. Oh dear. Megs and I got back to the hostel around 1740. I had to ring in 20 minutes. This is the moment I had been waiting for, for what seems like forever. I was feeling positive. It was free food Thursday and it was Mexican week. The only free food that's actually worth queuing up for! This day is getting better and better. 1800 turned up before I knew it and I rang. I spoke to boss man's side kick who said that they hadn't made a final decision yet as it ran over so long. He said he'd call me back shortly. Megs took like 5 calls before getting through. She got the job and starts tomorrow morning! Everything is looking up. Megan is a primary school teacher back home so that's what she really wants to do out here. She is waiting for her "working with children's check" to come through the post then she can work in a school. Until then (roughly three weeks), she can clean! I didn't receive a call for a while but I knew Megan had been told so I rang at 1830. I panicked in case I was being pushy. The phone kept on ringing with no answer or answering machine... My heart dropped into my stomach. I knew from that moment I didn't get the job. How? I don't understand? I didn't have to do anything in the second interview except watch a DVD on the company. I rang 4 more times and still nothing. I guess he lied about making a decision and see that was my number to ignore. He didn't have the balls to actually tell me though. I have no idea where I went wrong, especially when we weren't asked anything specific. They don't ask for people with experience. They ask for reliability and trust - that is all. They literally said "all we look for is a presentable person that's reliable and trustworthy". I hadn't eaten all day but I suddenly wasn't hungry. I text Steve to go for dinner without me. I told Megs I hadn't got it and she was confused too. I spent the next hour crying in a toilet cubicle. They say travelling creates the biggest highs and the lowest lows - they aren't wrong. I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't stop thinking about why I wasn't good enough. I tried to FaceTime my mum in hope she could make me feel better but she was at work. My dad text me saying not to let it get to me but I did exactly that. I went into my room, turned the lights off and got into the top bunk. I cried for a further 2 hours on and off. Steve came up at one point and realised I was upset. He stayed with me for the rest of the night. Mel and Megan were asking for me but I didn't want to be around anyone. I have no idea why I let this get to me, but it did. Badly. My eyelids were swollen, my face was deep red and my head was pounding. Steve started making me feel better and I stopped crying over time. My stomach was rumbling. I didn't get food and I got into bed properly at 2230. I just want to sleep this horrific day off and hope that maybe something good will happen tomorrow. I'll look back on this day and wonder why I let it get to me. That's the beauty of this blog I guess, to look back. But right now, I want to skip forward, way forward.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 60, July 2017

On Monday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Today I felt like I was really productive, in the right mindset and trying hard to improve my technique. It’s getting a lot easier to open up to Luke now. The awkward tension is slowly dissipating. I even took the opportunity to be really honest with him post-workout. We basically exchanged hard truths and it felt good. I feel like if something is weighing heavily on my mind, I need to express it. Luke can’t read my mind and it’s better than pretending everything’s fine. It builds trust and it creates transparency.

WARM-UP...Today I used a rubber ball into the hips and lower groins, lying down on my side and on my back. Next I did some forward folding stretches over the box and also did a cowboy walk down the track. The exposure to how stupid I must of looked didn’t even bother me today because I was so focused on the burning through my knees, groin and buttocks. I’m slowly letting go of what others think about me and that’s a really good thing.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I worked on my back squats again, doing 5 rounds of 5 reps. This time, I was trying hard to improve my technique of sinking down low enough and keeping my chest lifted up. It’s a difficult balance to maintain but because I was only lifting about 40-50kg, it was easier to concentrate on my form. It wasn’t perfect but it was much better than last time and I didn’t leave beating myself up and feeling a failure. That’s success right there. Luke also decided to play some Britney Spears which certainly helped me keep focused.

WORKOUT...For the workout, I ended up doing some sled pulls and pushes along the green track. The first round was at 20kg. Luke was explaining that this was meant to be a sprint and therefore I’d want to be moving as fast as possible. My first attempt wasn’t the greatest but eventually I was getting better at it. At 30-40kg, the fatigue was kicking in hard and I really couldn’t move that fast at all. I was also a little too conscious about bumping into something going backwards and kept checking over my shoulder but otherwise I did okay.

Completing the workout was an achievement for me. The fact that I was out of breath and unable to talk shows that I did put 100% effort in. However the truth is that personal bests, records and times aren’t things that really motivate me that much. I don’t define myself and my progress by a number. It’s what makes me unique in the world of Crossfit and Strength Training. People may think that I’m crazy or not serious about my training, but that is far from the truth. Showing up, not giving up and smashing out a workout is what defines me. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

On Monday night, I attended my first class of the Foundation Meditation course at Brahma Kumaris Centre for Spiritual Learning, The Peninsula. Finding the place wasn’t too difficult despite the lack of streetlights. Walking into the main building and reception area, I felt a little intimidated and cautious about being here. Then I noticed that all of the staff there were all wearing white garments. Oh god, have I just stepped into a spiritual/religious cult? Is this a convent or a mental hospital? Thankfully none of these things...so far.

I filled in a registration form at the front desk before proceeding upstairs to my class. The large room contained a screen featuring a diagram of focused light rays on a red background and a collection of 9 red chairs all arranged in a uniform pattern. My anxiety began kicking in now and of course I was the first to arrive. I met the facilitator named Angie, removed my shoes and found myself a seat in the back row. The other students then back flowing into the room before the class began at 7pm.

The class contained a mixed of theory and practical elements. We learned about the different types of thoughts including positive, negative, elevated, ordinary and waste. The last one, waste, makes up 90-95% of our total thoughts and include things from our past (blame, bitterness, regret and guilt) and our future (doubt, fear and worry). Angie described thoughts as a flow of energy out into the atmosphere and that having awareness of what we are thinking and experiencing is really important in order to overcome and change it.

We also learned about the acronym for SOS...STOP (Having the realisation/awareness), OBSERVE (What it is that you are thinking?) and STEER (Steer my thoughts in a more positive direction. For example, what are my best qualities?). Finally, we discussed the four stages of meditation. These include Relaxation (relaxing the body), Contemplating (thoughts are taking a positive turn e.g. I am happy, I am peaceful), Concentration (just experiencing or feeling), Realisation (deep internal stillness and having very few thoughts). http://brahmakumaris.org.au/events/...

On Tuesday afternoon, I went to a Christmas in July social function with the Narre Warren Walking Group at Cardinia Park Hotel in Beaconsfield. I was still feeling a bit restless from last night but getting out was exactly what I needed. The bistro was pretty cozy though the heater was on full blast and making me more drained than usual. The two long tables were buzzing with conversation and it seemed like everyone was happy to see Mum and myself there.

The meals were a little on the expensive side but I honestly couldn’t complain about the service or the portion size. I ordered the calarami with chips and salad. It was extremely filling to say the least. The conversations around me where polite and I did try to engage with a few of them but it was hard maintaining my focus. I find staying in large social groups to be exhausting after a certain period of time and I was ready to leave by the 1.5-2 hour mark. Still I’m glad I came. http://www.cardiniaparkhotel.com.au/...

On Tuesday night, I drove down to my friend Michael McLaren’s place in Bayswater to pick up my Oceans To Athena hoodie. Most people would think I’m either nuts or dedicated driving 45 minutes to an hour just to pick up some merch but I had another reason for coming down. Social connection. Something that’s been really lacking in my life lately. So the long drive didn’t bother me at all and I knew how to get there, considering it was very close the The Barn Live.

I chilled out in Michael’s living room with his girlfriend Holly, roommate and his friendly dog Obi. The wall heater was on and I was sipping on a cup of green lemon tea whilst listening to the conversations. I didn’t stay too long as I intended to go to my Body Balance class straight after. However, when I was driving back to Narre Warren, I was feeling noticeably drained and worn out. Plus the peak-hour traffic didn’t help matters. Even if I did make it in time, I’d be rushing to get there and honestly it wasn’t worth the stress. Sometimes it’s better to listen to your body and do what’s best for you at the time.

On Wednesday morning, I attended my Restorative yoga class with Kim Lousada at Now, Yoga.. Honestly, I haven’t really been functioning well the last couple of days. My sleep patterns have been terrible. I’ve been feeling unmotivated, restless and worn out. And I’ve also been feeling quite down and depressed about my life. So this class was exactly what I needed today. To walk out of that studio feeling revitalized, refreshed and joyful. It’s the reason why I continue to do yoga because of all the benefits I get out of it. http://nowyoga.net.au/

Today we did a series of supported variations of poses including pigeon pose, wide legged forward fold, side stretches and butterfly pose using bolsters, blocks and blankets. My hips were noticeably tight and so pigeon pose really helped in opening up that area and increasing the stretch. I didn’t go too deep with it today but it still felt good. Kim used a quote from Bruce Lee about “becoming like water” which means adapting to changes in life. She also read the quote “This too shall pass”, which is a Persian adage referring to feelings and mental states not being permanent. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/163...

On Thursday. Mum and I spent the day out in the city together. Firstly, we had an 11.30am reservation at the NGV The Tea Room for tea and lunch. We ordered the devonshire tea with scones plus a selection of finger sandwiches and two desserts. It’s not very often that we dine in style so we made the most of it.

Next, we queued up to purchase tickets to the Van Gogh and the Seasons at NGV inside the Great Hall. The queue was ridiculously long but that was no surprise considering the exhibition ends this week and it’s also the school holidays. It took us just over an hour to get to the front of the line but I bemused myself by overhearing conversations around me and checking out some male eye candy.

The exhibition began with a short video explaining the life and a brief history of Vincent Van Gogh. He was born in Zundert, Netherlands on 30 March, 1853. Starting out as an art dealer, he soon followed in his father’s footsteps in turning to religion and becoming a Protestant missionary in Belgium. However, this venture was short-lived as his true passion for painting quickly emerged in 1881. His brother Theo supported him both financially and compassionately during his art career.

In 1886, Van Gogh moved to Paris, getting himself involved in the avant garde and impressionist movements. His paintings were heavily influenced by the likes of Emile Bernard, Paul Gauguin and Claude Monet. Van Gogh suffered from mental disorders including depression, loneliness, social isolation and several psychotic episodes. This lead to a fight with Gauguin, which resulted in him chopping off his own ear. He was later admitted to Saint Remy, a local psychiatric asylum, before shooting himself in the chest with a revolver and dying in 1890.

In terms of his artwork collection, the exhibition was divided up into four sections representing each of the seasons: Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer. Van Gogh correlated each season with particular moods, feelings, colours, people, animals, flowers and other landscape features. Autumn featured large trees and woodland as well as shades of browns and oranges. Winter featured dark renderings, shadowy figures in snow fields and willowy peach trees. Spring featured blossoming orchards, cows and farm workers. Summer featured wheat fields and varying tones of yellow. Van Gogh also did a series of still life paintings featuring vases containing sunflowers, roses, poppies and irises as well as collections of fruit. https://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/exhibiti...

On Friday morning, I had my counselling session with Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. I decided to invite my mum along again today for support. Today I talked about how unmotivated and low I’ve been feeling this week. Beginning with my PT session with Luke on Monday, I had the courage to speak up about what truly motivates me and be assertive about it. Both my mental state and the colder weather has affected me as my energy levels have quickly depleted during the day. Physically, I just haven’t felt like going out at night unless I really had to.

Mum was also really concerned about how I’m going to cope being alone in the house next week while she and Rod are in Queensland for their anniversary. At least I’ve managed to put a few plans in place for myself like my Movie Night, PT sessions, yoga, fitness classes, meditation, art galleries, gigs, reading and puzzles. Plus I’ll be cooking for myself which I’m sure I’ll manage. I’m just going to stick to easy to prepare meals with few ingredients. It doesn’t have to be Masterchef.

On Friday afternoon, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. I was rushing from place to place all morning and had no time to slow down, relax and have lunch. Plus a lot of negative stuff was building up inside of me and had to be released somehow. Honestly, I did have good intentions walking into today’s session but everything just quickly went downhill fast during my workout.

WARM-UP...Today I started by doing some standing forward bends, stretching into the sides and touching my toes. Yoga really has helped in regards to improving my flexibility. Next, I had to do 3 rounds of 8 single arm kettle bell deadlifts, essentially going into a Warrior 3 pose and having to balance my leg behind me. My balance was pretty terrible today but I kept trying and eventually got the hang of it.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I worked on my deadlifts again, this time doing 5 rounds of 3 at 90kg. Luke was giving me plenty of hints in order to correct my posture and technique whilst lifting. I was trying so hard not to take these critiques personally but my mental illness proved stronger today. I was starting to get frustrated and impatient with myself but my lifts were improving with each round and I tried hard to make each rep count.

WORKOUT...Today I used a Strongman Yoke for the first time, which is essentially a large metal frame that can be loaded up with plates. At first I was doing okay and slowly adjusting to the swaying motion of the side bars. I was finding it difficult to keep myself centered whilst lifting it up and also trying to pace myself with the walk. When it came to the last reps of the workout, I was lifting around 80kg or so and it was getting really tough on my neck and shoulders.

The physical and mental pressures were both bubbling up inside of me and I was ready to explode. I couldn’t shut my negative thoughts off (That’s not good enough, Don’t drop the frame, You’re a failure) and then it came out: I AM NOT A FUCKING FAILURE! I made a beeline to the nearest box and sat down, hands over my face, shedding a river of tears. I felt so embarrassed in that moment a) for letting the pressure get to me and b) for making such an uncharacteristic outburst in front of Luke.

The truth was that I was really angry at myself and I basically letting my mental illness off for interfering during my workout. I’d had enough. Part of me was also trying way too hard to please Luke and not disappoint him. I wanted to be “good enough” in his eyes and yet I felt like I couldn’t do anything right today. He assured me that I should be happy with the effort I put in but of course I wasn’t in the mindset to believe him or care. I just want you to be proud of me. I’m sorry that I failed you.

On Friday night, I attended my RPM class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. This was a very last minute decision as I felt like I needed some high intensity exercise tonight rather than sitting at home or going out to a gig and replaying today’s events over and over in my head. I needed to release these internal demons and rid myself of this “I’m not good enough” mindset bouncing around inside my head. I needed to feel better about myself mentally.

Tonight’s class was instructed by Matt who was filling in for Natalie Blanch. It was a mixture of releases 40 and 72 which included the tracks Seal - If It’s In My Mind, It’s On My Face, Jennifer Lopez - Do It Well, The Cranberries - Zombie, Seven Lions - Falling Away and Andrew Rayel - Rise Of An Era. It was hitting around 70-80RPM for the easy ride sections, up to 85RPM for the standing cycle sections and 110-130RPM for the racing sections. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/cl...

I immersed myself fully in the workout, taking in the trance and club songs as I was pedaling and imagining the cycle studio becoming something like a nightclub with green laser lights and DJ’s on the decks. It’s amazing what exercise can do for the mind and body. I was able to quieten those loud negative thoughts from earlier today and just focus on cycling. I always seem to sweat heaps in these classes which is a really good thing because it means I’m working hard. https://greatist.com/fitness/13-awe...