#if you see me make more posts about my very-normal-i'm-sure-everyone-feels-this-way gender no you don't :)

[eyes-of-nine]

thinking of going on t vs the very real possibility I would just find fun new ways to dislike my appearance

[queer-questions-and-polls]

Hello! Probably the anon from earlier.

First off, I apologize that it came across as rude. I come from a Christian family and am pretty much as uneducated as you can get in regards to this stuff.

Also, while I myself disagree with a lot of this stuff and don't exactly *support* it, I *accept* that it makes you all happy, and it's really none of my business. I know it might not sound like it (words are tricky, especially when typing), but I genuinely have nothing against anyone who identifies as any of these things. I'll be nice to you so long as you don't attack me for my beliefs, essentially. Again, I don't mean this in a mean way at all, so I sincerely apologize if it sounds that way. You're all amazing and incredibly brave!

So religiously, we don't really believe that trans stuff is like, normal? Natural? In God's plan? But I'm also conflicted because people don't just think "hey, I want to be a girl instead," they genuinely feel more comfortable and happy like that. So like, why would God do that?

So then I did a ton of logic thinking about why people don't feel at home in their biological sex. I might have worded it weirdly or something, but I think society makes it so you can't identify with your biological sex's associated gender without following a set of expectations.

Guys don't wear pink, girls have long hair, no, I *can't* do my little brother's nail polish. It's stupid.

Guys can wear skirts if they want to.

Girls can say "dude" and love jeans and wrestling.

I might be giving bad examples that are at a lower extreme, but I feel like people are shoving themselves into the label of a specific "gender" they identify the best with to conform to society. Like, I can't do this if I'm a guy? Well, I can be a girl then.

So I guess I'm saying, do you identify with the gender/pronouns you identify with because it matches who you are more? Not that it *makes* you who you are, but it doesn't put expectations on you that you don't agree or identify with more.

I'm so sorry, words aren't working. Geez. I know your gender isn't who you are. All of these usernames online belong to real people with real names, jobs and families. But I feel like gender is at least partially a *description* of who you are. It's a part of your identity. And if not, then why change it? (Genuine question, not accusation.)

It seemed like you disagreed with my perspective, but I'm not sure I fully understand why, so I'd appreciate more elaboration.

Also, thank you so much for answering questions like these from ignorant people like me! I'm genuinely really worried about offending people, so this is helpful to me. That said, I also apologize if I said anything wrong. If I did, please tell me so I can avoid doing it again. Thanks again!

-Very ignorant person.

Thank you for clarification I was honestly worried I came off a little rude (I had a bit of an argument with my mum about me changing my name and being trans so yeah) yes it does make me feel more 'me'

As for gender stereotypes? Agreed utterly stupid, but generally I think of gender as more of a mindset or personality piece i guess? Like that part me doesn't match female & doesn't male either so I just exist despite everything really lol

This is a post that describes it better:

Also I get it my girlfriends dad side is super religious while she is Christian but really chill aside from her own religious gulit, so i get it. I also had an abusive father who kept pushing it on me so I also have religious gulit lol but no I'm not going to attack you for that stuff I get it

- Eagan

[gryphonlover]

I was just thinking recently about how to be an ally to my queer friends on tumblr. Do you have any suggestions? What kinds of things would be supportive and gender affirming to you? How can mutuals support you?

The good news is that asking those questions is one of the most important parts of being a queer ally. 👍 Now this does get a bit long because I'm trying to explain as much as possible to give you a solid idea of how to approach things, so I'm putting it under a readmore.

General Advice

One way you can communicate that you're an ally is by making that clear on your blog. This can mean displaying an image like the straight ally flag, or just saying that your blog is a safe space for queer folks. I don't know how other queer folks feel about the straight ally flag, but I'm of the opinion that it's a great communication device, which is really what all flags are for in the first place.

Most queer folks will have their pronouns in their blog. It could mean that they're transgender or intersex, or it could mean that they're just an ally to those folks. You can't tell unless they let you know, but it's usually safe to say they are an ally at minimum. This means that putting your pronouns on your blog can signal that you're a safe person. It also frees us from the awkwardness that is asking for someone's pronouns, although it should be noted it is always better to ask than to assume.

Reblogging/liking content that's queer-friendly is another good way to show support. It tells people that you're safe and friendly, with the added bonus of interacting with a queer Tumblr's content. I'm of the opinion that it's good for everyone to mingle as long as no one is hurt in the process. I don't really see straight, cisgender folks do this, and I think it's probably because they don't really know any queer folks or they don't feel comfortable engaging with queer content. It can be awkward, but I think the only queer stuff I'd recommend straight, cisgender folks to avoid putting on their blogs is discourse, especially if it's nuanced because that gets really messy really fast and you might not have context for what's going on. But if you like a gay fanfic, or someone you know took some beautiful photos of pride? You're probably fine hitting the buttons on those.

Something that's recently popped up is a significant increase in bots distributing spam in queer tags. A lot of this spam is designed to look like transgender people in sexually suggestive and/or explicit photos. If you spot a post like this, and you're sure the account is a spam account, it's best to report it. Reporting the post and/or blog as spam and then blocking the bot account is the best thing you can do. If you're not sure, then just block the account and a queer person will probably come along and take care of it later. The bots are very problematic because they're taking advantage of the people whose photos they've acquired and they're putting mature content in the community tags without any content warnings.

If you don't understand a queer label, slogan, etc. you can either look it up on a queer wiki (like this one!) or just ask a queer person. Personally, I am more than happy to explain what I know if someone has a question. A lot of other folks are, too. They will let you know if your question is rude, but in general it's better to ask with a genuine desire to understand than to assume anything.

Supporting Me Specifically

I don't have my legal name listed online for multiple reasons, such as internet safety and the fact that it is a gendered name. I ask people to either use my username or call me Gryphon if they want to use an actual name I go by. I don't respond to names that aren't mine, so if you try to use anything else it just won't work. :)

In English, I generally prefer that people refer to me by using "they" instead of "he" or "she" because it's gender neutral. This is obviously an issue in gendered languages. In these cases, I normally use neopronouns. In Portuguese this means using "elu" instead of "ele" or "ela." It might take some practice to get the hang of, but it's the thought that counts.

Adding on to the previous bullet point, I don't normally use other gendered terms to refer to myself (with rare exceptions). In practice, this means replacing "man" or "woman" with "person." The same goes for honorifics. Instead of being "Mr" or "Ms" you should use "Mx." In Portuguese this means using "senhore" instead of "senhor" or "senhora."

I'm asexual. This means I'm not straight or gay, and is not something that will change if I have a partner. Straight, gay, and lesbian are, unfortunately, gendered terms and thus I do not use them. More detailed information is on a need to know basis.

TL;DR: The best thing you can do to show support is avoid using gendered language when you talk to or about me.

If you've read this far, I hope I've been able to give you some practical advice. If you have more questions, feel free to drop those in the askbox, comments, tags, etc. I've got plenty of time to write out explanations for people these days.

[toc-the-elder]

Something I've noticed on Tumblr is that other trans women will only ever sexualise themselves in the sense of "Hey I'm a girl with a dick". And sure, be proud of trans bodies and all that, but you know you have a body, right? Like your beauty is so much more than your crotch. And even then, it seems like it's presented like some sort of trick or surprise? I see a lot of "I bet you didn't expect this!" sort of stuff. And it really rubs me the wrong way. Like being trans shouldn't be some sort of trick or surprise. It all strikes me as feeding into transphobic fetishism of trans bodies. I feel like it just fuels the awful perception that trans women exist to trick people. That we exist to be little more than sexual life jackets for cisgender men to test the water on whether they're gay or not. As though we are some sort of curiosity, something exotic and forbidden.

It just frustrates me because genitals irrelevant to gender, and it seems like a lot of this stuff pushes the idea that all trans women are pre-op, and that that is the main attraction. The headline act. We should be proud and accepting of our bodies, but I think a lot of us are selling ourselves short as people by boiling our beauty down to a surprise juxtaposition between our feminine whole and that which identifies us as trans.

Not that being trans is not beautiful, not at all. But these thirst trap posts do often present themselves as some sort of taboo. Which leaves me to wonder how many of these posts are actually made by the people in the pictures, and how many are simply porn bots.

I don't mean to be some massive prude here, but it really frustrates me to see trans beauty and trans sexuality presented in such a fetishistic manner from people within the trans community. Especially when I spend so much time having to deal with men making assumptions about my genitals, when again, genitals are irrelevant to my gender. It makes me feel as though being post-op might make me bereft of value sexually. I spend so much time trying to avoid being used as little more than a sexual can opener. I want to be wanted sexually because someone thinks I'm pretty and I have a nice body, not because of a guess at what one particular part of it looks like.

I don't know, I just find the sexualization of trans bodies wildly uncomfortable specifically because my transness is so often boiled down to something sexual. This is my default state of being, a normal and very mundane woman, and there is nothing sexual about it. I have of course got sexual desires and a sexual identity, but those things are not presented to others through the lens of my transness, but through that of my womanhood.

Everyone is welcome to present and sexualise themselves in any manner they wish. Unfortunately I just think the way a lot of us do it feeds in to a larger and much more harmful sexualisation and fetishism of transness itself.

[metqnoiaxx]

hashiras react to your insecurities / angst to comfort, part 1

x gender neutral reader, part 1 of 3!

this was requested by @x-wisteria-x tysm for my first request! i chose to divide this into 3 parts, they’ll all be uploaded this week! i’m sorry if this doesn’t fit what you had wanted, let me know and i can re-write!

part 2, part 3 - not yet posted, will add links once they are!

⚠️ body images, insecurities ⚠️

everyone, before reading this, please remember that you are beautiful just the way you are! never feel the need to change yourself for others. don't forget, i love you!! <3

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Kyojuro Rengoku - (insecure of looks)

“Darling, what is the problem? You’ve been acting so differently lately and I’m not quite sure why. Have I done anything to offend you, my love?”, he asked you sweetly, his fingers intertwined with yours. 

This evening, he came home from a very long mission and noticed a deep change in your behavior. He sat you down on the bed you two shared and questioned you about it.

“It’s nothing..Kyojuro.”, you told him. That wasn’t true, that wasn’t true at all.

His mouth downturned to a small pout. He could tell you were lying.

“Please, darling. If anything is bothering you, you can tell me. I’ll always be here for you.”, he emphasized the “always” part, strongly.

You stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about what he had just said. Should you confide in him?

“I just…I’ve felt so bad recently. I see all these other women..and they are so pretty. And I’m so…not.”, you said quietly, getting embarrassed from letting your feelings out.

He let out a quiet “oh”, and his expression changed a bit, more towards an empathetic look. 

“Sweethart…you are so beautiful. I promise you that. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else out there.”, he brought his hands up from your hands to your face, cupping your cheeks. “I love you so much. You’re beautiful. You always will be. No matter what anyone else looks like. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”, he told you, a small smile resurfacing. 

You began to softly cry. He wiped your tears away with his fingers and placed kisses all over your face, reassuring you of his never ending love. 

He pulled you into his lap and held you tightly against his chest, then kissed your forehead.

You looked up at him, your eyes still heavily teary. He just stared back down at you, so lovingly. 

“I’m..hic..I'm sorry kyo..”, you said slowly, piece by piece. Talking well is really hard when you’re crying..

“You have nothing to be sorry for, my little flame. I am always here for you. Always. I’ll love you, FOREVER!”, his voice got much louder at the end part. 

He combed his fingers through your hair and kept you held tight against him.

god, you loved him so much.

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Giyuu Tomioka - (insecure of body)

You sat across the table from him, avoiding eye contact at all cost. Not that the two of you were in an argument, but you felt so embarrassed to even look at him. He kept looking at you with a confused face, why were you ignoring him? You weren’t even eating any of your food either. 

Normally when the two of you ate dinner together, you’d be so talkative and happy. Always making comments about your day, asking him so many questions, and keeping the mood so cheerful. That was something he loved so dearly about you.

Although he had such a quiet personality, never pointing out many things, he couldn’t take this anymore. Where was the happy you? Why’d you seem so sad? He felt horrible just sitting there letting you feel like that.

“Y/n?...”, he asked out quietly.

You took a second before responding..

“Yes?”, you said, without even giving a small smile.

“Is something the matter..? You seem so..different.”, he didn’t want to say anything that would upset you. He was nervous that even asking would offend you.

“Uh…no. I’m fine, Tomioka.”, you told him.

Okay…what? He knew for a fact that the two of you were NOT on a last name basis. You always called him Giyuu, sometimes even shortening it to yuu. Something was most definitely wrong. 

“Y/n. What’s the matter? You can talk to me..okay?”, he told you.

You finally made eye contact with him, mouth slightly agape by the statement.

“I just don’t want to eat..”

“Why’s that?”, he questioned softly.

“I’m going to gain too much weight….and I'll be even uglier.”, you said, pausing a second for the last part. Your eyes began to water, guilt rushing to your head.

“Uglier? You’ve never been ugly to begin with, darling. And you have to eat, okay? Even if you gain weight, even if you think you’ve eaten too much, you have to eat y/n. I love you as you are. You don’t need to change anything about you.”, he said, sweetly grabbing your hands. This was hard for him, he was never one for physical affection, so you knew he really meant this.

“Are you sure, Giyuu?”, you asked him, letting out small hiccups from your tears. 

He walked over to you and spun your chair around from the table, so it was pointed diagonally at him. He knelt down beside you and brought your hands to his, once again.

“I’m completely positive. You’re so beautiful, You don’t know how much I love you, Y/n. You’re perfect just the way you are.”, he said to you. Your tears kept flowing but he just embraced you, and reassured you over and over again. 

surely, he was the one.

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Iguro Obanai - (insecure of scars)

Obanai was away on a mission. You thought you had some alone time, so you sat in your shared bedroom and cried your heart out. You looked down at your arms, at your face, scars scattered across them. The only thing repeating in your head was “So ugly. So, so ugly”. 

You brought your knees up to your face and just kept crying. You didn’t expect Obanai to be back earlier than planned.

“Y/n?”, a sudden voice interrupted. You turned your head around and saw him standing at the door frame, a sad look in his eyes.

“Is everything alright?”, he asked you, sitting down next to you. You continued to cry, letting out small hiccups from the lack of breath. He stayed there with you for a minute or so until you began to talk.

“I look so ugly. These scars make me look terrible. I’m never going to be pretty.”, you said between shallow breaths. He just sat there for a minute, staring at you. You expected him to be looking at you, weirdly. You turned around to him…and how he looked hurt your heart. 

He had such a sad look on his face. His eyebrows downturned, and his own eyes began to water as well. Why was he crying? Did he pity you? Was he disappointed?

“Y/n. You are so pretty. With and without these scars. These scars don’t make you ugly, they make you human. Everyone has their struggles and bad times. I promise you, okay? You aren’t ugly. These scars don’t make you ugly. Just look at me.”, he said before unwrapping his mask. He took your hand and held it up to his mouth, where his scar is.

He’d taken his mask off before, but you’d never touched or traced it. You gasped softly, and your tears stopped for a second. He felt a bit anxious, despite the words he told you. Did you think he looked bad? Kaburamaru went from his neck, across your connecting arms and over to you. 

“Obanai..”, you said.

He got nervous, but then you let out a small smile. It was small, but it made him feel happier.

“Is what you said…is what you said true?”, you asked him quietly. His grip on your hand tightened.

“Of course it is. It always will be, I love you. How you look…these scars, don’t matter to me. I fell in love with you for who you are.”, he reassured you. Your tears began to flow again. He pulled you in for a hug and held you against him, letting you sob into his shoulder. 

you’ll love each other forever.

--- end

this is not proofread so i'm sure theres some errors, sorry lol. there will be 2 other parts with all other hashira!

word count - 1372

time spent - lets just say A WHILE, i'm unoriginal people

[wonderwomanfantasy]

MHA boys with a Nonbinary S/O

Kirishima

-Kirishima has he/him in his bio

-always asks for his bro's pronouns, and if they are chill with being referred to as bros.

-Kirishima said trans rights, I heard him say it.

-a lot of people end up coming out to him because he's just a safe person.

-he's probably the first person you tell not only because he's your boyfriend but because you know he'll be there to support you as well

-Kirishima gives you a big ol kiss and tells you he's thankful you trust him enough to come out to him and he's proud of you for being so brave.

-he's willing to keep things lowkey before you come out to everyone he's 100% in your corner all the time.

-he politely corrects people when they use your wrong pronouns or misgender you, so you don't have to deal with it.

-and if someone purposefully misgenders you he will politely punch their teeth out

Kaminari

-we forget he's an English nerd but he is, and it's important to me that we talk about it

-he gets so fucking mad when he sees TikTok being like "I don't have pronouns, I'm normal :/"

-posts screenshots of conservatives saying "trans women will never be men"

-he's surprisingly chill when you come out to him?

-he's like "oh cool... do you want to come over and watch pokemon???"

-people ask him if it makes him gay to date a nonbinary person and he's like "god I sure hope it does,"

- Kami hates that so many people care about how your gender makes him feel, babe his opinion doesn't matter

- loves coming up with gender-neutral terms of endearment that just get insane.

- "my sexy little corn dog" "Kaminari baby please shut up"

Todoroki

-gender abolitionist <3

-this gender shit is bs baby get rid of it!!!

-Todoroki is very sure that he is a boy, but if he enjoys wearing skirts and dresses that's what he's going to do

-very nonchalant when you come out "I love you just the way you are darling, no matter how you Identify I'll stand by you,"

-if anyone starts grilling you about your gender he'll snap and tell them to just fucking google it you shouldn't have to explain yourself

- he doesn't supper use social media and his bios are always blank but he will put his pronouns on there if it makes you feel more comfortable.

- lmao blow endeavors money on new gender-affirming clothes and whatnot

-He thinks it is very funny to cause someone or something of being transphobic if it minorly inconvenienced you

- "they're out of your favorite tea? I can't believe the rampant transphobia in this store..."

[1111jenx]

Hi this prolly sounds weird (and may somehow end up being a rant? hopefully not) but I was hoping to get some... Insights and to see I'm not weird hhh

So. I came to tumblr to avoid other social media apps and had the exposure to astrology (more in depth than ever) and tarot/spirituality. As I've been like delving into posts and observations I found astrology and tarot more intriguing. Esp with your recent white moon selene and hill's spirit guide post. It was fun and insightful.

Yet today I suddenly had a weird fear and jolted back at work when I realized I've been... Too into it? Like it's making me lose my current balance and all, as well as having a fear towards the unknown? Like,,, it's not something that can be explained logically and I Fear. I'm not sure if I worded them right. And I was thinking of maybe taking a step back until I've gained back my balance and comfort only return to learning more about astrology at a more suitable pace.

Is this weird of me or... It's actually alright/common/normal?

Sorry for the long post I just... Hope I can get a peace of mind?

Thanks and take care and stay hydrated! 😊😊

Hey beautiful,

I feel that I should reply to you asap since I can tell you really need it:) Personally, when I first started learning more about astrology, I had to take a break in between too since everything was so overbearing and there are more and more informations everyday.

Astrology can be scary. Through numbers and graphs it seems that we can further understand more about ourselves in ways we didnt expect before. As someone who rationalize a lot, I found myself stepping into areas which I then draw a red line. If you've been following me you know that I'm actually really against using astro to predict stuff like one's sexual preferences or how one's gender identification and I'm really against using astro to make assumptions bout one's mental health too. While there are placements that suggest some people will be more prone to be more publicly emotional than others, all and all a thorough examination or diagnosis must be done with a professional to determine stuff like your mental well-being.

In my post on likeliness to abuse drug, I mentioned Scorpio Moon, where the Moon is at its fall, while these people are so vulnerable from within and they're actually very likely to get addicted to stuff once the let loose due to their Plutonic Moon, yet often times, Scorpio Moons are amazing and spectacular with self control and self regulation, since they are so aware of their nature.

Getting back to your point here, I can most definitely see how studying astrology can create an imbalance in your life. From time to time, it takes me A LOT of effort to hold back asking someone's birthday when I just me them and I remember when I was getting better in astro, I would swear off certain placements and in turns, not allowing myself to experiment with people and with life in general. The second I realized what I was doing I instantly stopped, I was clearly missing out on opportunities to meet and get to know people as individuals instead of just a graph. So now when I do meet people and they ask me if I like their charts, I just tell them I like them as a person and their charts don't matter that much to me if they give me the respect I need and the sincerity I require.

My life before astro and after astro definitely had a lot of changes, after some struggles and after taking a break from all of this, I can say that I've never been more open to people and open to new experiences like I am right now. There's a skeptic in everyone one of us and for the longest time, I blamed it for limiting my growth. But now I can confidently say to you that it is normal to be skeptical. Rationality is not bad, us having the ability to rationalize, to take a second and say pause is actually a blessing and is what humanize all of us.

Please take your time and take good care of yourself. Take all the time you need and all the space you want. I believe in the saying that we never stop learning and we even learn and grow during our weakest moments. Choosing to stay with astro or not is purely your choice and even if you chose to stop learning and getting to know it, you still did learn something about yourself and this world and in a way:) Don't push youself too hard love🤎 I'm here if you ever want to talk.

love,

saint jenx🪐

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it��s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[transmascjfk]

i'm,, trans and hc chihiro to be a male..

i'm sorry, but i don't quite understand how that's transphobic. could you please explain how chihiro is transmisogynistic? (sorry if i come off as rude - that's not my intention and i genuinely just don't understand, though i would like to!!)

What is transmisoginy?

"Transmisogyny is a distinct category of transphobia in that transmisogyny mainly focuses on trans women and other transgender individuals who demonstrate femininity, whereas transphobia is a more general term, covering a broader spectrum of prejudice and discrimination towards transsexual and transgender individuals. Julia Serano states in Whipping Girl that "when the majority of jokes made at the expense of trans people center on 'men wearing dresses' or 'men who want their penises cut off' that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny. When the majority of violence and sexual assaults committed against trans people is directed at trans women, that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny." "

Chihiro is written to mock trans women, to say that in reality trans women are secretly men, she is a man who is weak and uses being trans as a way to escape her problems, this is a thing that is also said to trans men a lot, that theyre just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman by becoming a man. Even if the writters intended it to be like that or not (which they probably did because transphobia is a big thing that happens a lot, obviously) it's still transmisogynistic. Thats that on that

This is a pretty common transphobic trope actually, the "Turns out this one character was actually from the opposite sex??!!", theres more examples of this in other games outside Danganronpa.

But also her experience is pretty different from other examples, her experiences are way too similar with trans womens experiences.

This is mostly for the cis people who call her a crossdresser and refuse to change their mind, on it, sit down.

Written by a trans man.

Don't tell me whats transphobic and what it's not transphobic if you're cis. Just sit down and read.

Tw: transphobia, transmisoginy, death mentions and blood in the pictures.

The game implies a lot of stuff with her dialogue, it doesn't straight up says "I don't want to be a woman anymore, I'm a man" like everyone claims it does.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I'm going to get stronger...and accept who I am... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Strong enough so that when someone says "even thought you're a boy" I'll be okay. I'll get better! ]

[ Alt text 3:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I wrapped myself in lies. I'm weak. I want to destroy that version of me forever! ]

[ Alt text 4:

Chihiro Fujisaki: ... I want to change. ]

[ Alt text 5:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I have to change. I don't want to be weak anymore ]

She goes to Mondo not because hes masculine, but because she admires him and his strength. She never once says it's because shes a man or because Mondo is a man.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I admire... your strength... ]

These dialogues can be read in two ways, the first one being the one the game tries the hardest to put in your head thats shes a man, all of this guessed by other people btw not what she herself says. Which is really transphobic, because she was written as a trans woman and then theyre like "uh no actually hes a man, because he was born as one but hes a coward so he started to dress as a woman to hide from his problems. Because thats what people do right? People who dress as their oppossite gender are so pathetic, specially men amiright? Ahaha"

Reading it in this way really weird, you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics because you would literally call her a trans woman with all of this if the rest of the trial, that consists of cis people assuming shes a man, didn't happen. And sadly you're following transphobic ideas by this. Because the canon is transphobic and transmysoginistic.

And the other way is just read what she says, that she just wants to be stronger and stop lying to everyone, basically about being cis, because shes not, shes amab (assigned male at birth) and thats probably what she said to Mondo, but most people when a trans person who already passes or is in their transition comes out many people tend to think "oh so youre your gender assigned at birth and not the one you claim to be?", because they don't get what being trans is and they think only "biological gender" is a thing. Basically, misgendering and invalidating the trans person.

I can guess all of this just because of how vague they decided to make her dialogue, not even showing how she tells Mondo about being amab.

What did she said to Mondo? "I'm trans"? "I'm a man"? "I was born a man"? We dont know, because they didn't show it and she died right afterwards and then everyone was like "Chihiro was secretly a man" to solve the case and thats it. A lot of people in the discourse get their information from Monokuma who isn't either Chihiro or even Mondo. Monokuma knows many things but he can't read minds to know if she was really trans or not, only she could say it but she died so she couldn't explain if shes trans or not.

[ Alt text:

A youtube comment by Gail Frisbee, posted 4 days ago, this comment was edited by the autor. The comment says:

"It's honestly increible to me when people try to argue that a scene in which a female-presenting character gets their genitals groped and then is posthumously referred to as a male from that point on can't be transphobic just because that character calls themselves a boy in some other side content later. It's on about the same level of intellectual honesty as claiming that Quiet from MGS5 isn't really fanservice because she totally breaths throught her skin you guys.

As it turns out, if you really dig down deep into the lore, Chihiro is a fictional character and the same people who wrote the genital investigation scene also wrote the lines that character says in the game as well. It's a shocking twist, I know." ]

Her fears of being outed and people founding out her secret (being trans) or being transphobic is used as a gross big twist. A trans woman being used as a mockery of trans people? Great totally normal (/sarcasm)

Read this post made by a trans woman. I'll be using this only part but it's still a great read.

[ Alt text:

So. There is a lot to unpack here, but I want to start with something that specifically hurts me as a trans woman, and that's how the game flippantly uses real world horrors trans people face as shocking reveals and twists. You can go down the list for "worst nightmares" of trans people incluiding:

Threatening to be outed against your wishes

Outing yourself to a trusted friend and being met with rejection, or worse, violence

Having your body and privacy examined and invaded

Having your deadname used and being misgendered after death, when you can't correct them ]

Now, let's go to her backstory for a bit. I will be using the wiki for this. (Which sadly uses he/him for her 💔)

" When Chihiro was a child, he became the subject of harassment and bullying. He was always told to "be a man" and that he was "so weak despite being a boy", and because of that, Chihiro slowly but surely began to develop a "weakness complex". In order to escape the bullying, Chihiro began to dress as a girl so that people wouldn't bully him as a weak boy. "

This doesn't sound like a normal crossdresser, this sounds like a trans woman who was bullied for being different when she was younger, like many trans people, and then she decided to transition because she's a woman, she wanted to be more feminine and stop being seen as a person shes not. Specially after so many people tell her to basically man up when she doesn't want that, because shes not a man.

Have you ever heard of the classic stories of "since I was little i knew i was different, i was a boy who liked playing with dolls and was more feminine than the rest" or "i used to be a tomboy when i was little, i had mostly male friends, i liked playing with car toys and was more masculine than other kids" coming from trans people? This just sounds as these types of stories to me.

People also like to say that alter ego uses he/him pronouns and says shes a boy. Many trans people can misgender themselves for personal reasons too guys, she could've been trying to misgender herself because she didn't felt like she wasn't enough to be a real woman, this happens a lot to trans people. If people constantly tell you that you're not actually transgender or you just feel like you're faking it then you might actually believe it, thats were most "detransitioners" come from. And thats basically what they made her, a detransitioner.

Some of you might also don't get how shes trans because you think she doesn't perfect or exact trans stereotypes. Trans experiences can be similar on the feeling of not fitting in, dysphoria, etc. But trans experiences, stories, transitions and complete lifes can be very different, because we all (including cis people) live different lifes, experience, process and cope with things differently. So i can understand why you might not get her being trans coded at first, don't worry. But try instead of just not caring because you don't get it at the first try, to see what trans people say.

This whole discourse its mostly cis people talking over trans people about their own experiences (incluiding the dead trans coded characters experience) saying if theyre valid or not and denying stuff not wanting to learn anything, completely refusing to it because "In canon hes a boy" ok then in canon shes written in a transphobic way too but most of you don't care about that. You would rather call her a crossdresser than try to acknowledge how obviously trans coded she is and how thats used as transphobia.

The way most cis people act in this discourse is very transphobic to me to be honest, if you think you're a good ally but act like this then you should get more educated on the topic as a whole and about trans people too.

-the trans Chihiro flag to finish this up, she has a bit boobie! good for her! good for her.

[bowl-of-shortness]

*Sending this anonymously since I'm not out* (please don't try to out me, I will cry. If you think you might know who I am, pls don't ask if you're right. I have anxiety and I'm scared to share this as is)

So what you said about being asexual and demiromantic and not feeling like you can contribute to conversations, I FELT that.

I feel like the only way to join conversations about attractive people is by lying. I feel so guilty because I have never figured out what else to do. They all just look like people?

I've literally created a checklist in my head of society's standards because I have no idea what else to judge on. Calling everyone beautiful feels so fake but to me they just... are. People are only "ugly" to me when they're mean. Like to me, beauty is based on personality and I dont understand how other people do it. How can you rate a face without a story? (Like I can only do that when I assume things about people's lives based on their looks??? And it's normally wrong assumptions because "don't judge people based off looks alone" is correct??? Yet people just... do this? Like "they're hot" but isn't that what you're not supposed to do, like???)

I recently came out to my best friends as ace, and even then, they still bring it up every time they're rating people or talking attractive characters, as in the "we know you have no opinion or whatever" and I hate it. Like now that they know I'm ace, it feels like they're actively pushing me out of conversations or want to see what an ace rates them as. (They wouldn't if I asked, but it's kinda fun to participate, I feel more normal. Even if I am just lying) I feel a bit uncomfortable rating people because they think it's based of asthetics but to me I'm just making up numbers. (Its less lying now that they know I'm not sexually attracted to people, but it still hurts. It's nice that they recognize I don't relate and I'm not banning a conversation topic, it just hurts and I'll just take it silently instead of making a fuss. I guess this is just what I was just born to endure, huh.)

Literally, people used to ask me if my ex (SO at the time) was cute or whatever and I always said yes. I was making it up because ya know, I didn't feel that way. I had NO sexual attraction to them but I sold that lie to be normal. I finally came to terms with the fact that I am asexual recently, almost a year to the date I broke up with the only SO I ever forced myself to have. (That tale is a tragedy and I have massive amounts of guilt for the lies I told them to sell that I was a normal hetero cis person. I did so much wrong by them and I hope someday I can forgive myself for it.)

I thought I was bi when I first let myself belive I'm not a normal straight because I felt the same level of attraction across the gender spectrum. (I accepted how I felt about the person of the opposite gender was a crush and then realized I felt the same way about someone of the same gender. That was a crisis) Zero equals zero, wasn't really lying.

Anyway, all that to say that:

You are valid and realateable AF. Conversations about attraction is so uncomfortable and isolating and I'm so thankful you're brave enough to bring it up

I'm also really trying to figure out if I'm panromantic, or demiromantic, or whatever and I'm unsure what to do. Why can't there just be an accurate uquiz.... :(

Like, I think I may be demi something because I have literally only ever had "crushes" on my best friends. I'm not 100% sure what a crush is, but I'm assuming that when I tell myself "don't think of your friends like that, that's wierd" that I'm just mad at myself for acquiring a crush on my bestie.

I have no one to talk to about this because they are firm believers in not dating friends (both have been burned) and I am terrified they'll find out that I can't imagine a relationship with anyone other than a best friend. Like what do I do? I'm so tired fam. I don't think they will be mad if I tell them I'm demi romantic (I'm currently going with panromantic since that just seems easier) and I'm scared they'll find out I realized my sexuality through crushed I had on them, since they're opposite genders and I've had the same "crush" on both of them.

Only wanting romance with friends is so hard because to most people, friends aren't for dating but for talking about potential dates and I hate it.

It's nice to know that I'm following a fellow ace person who gets the romantic struggle. I think you're an icon, and I'm glad that you're in a place where you can be out.

I know we're not close or anything, but I'm really happy to know that there's someone else out there who I can relate to when I can't say a word anywhere else. I hate keeping up the charade, but I'm not in the kind of place where I can drop it. If you're interested in my situation and why I'm forever closeted, I've got quite the tale. but I've ranted enough here. (I won't force my life story on you, I know you want a positive blog and this ramble isn't very positive. I can shut up and vanish if you never want to hear from me again)

Thanks for having your anons on <3

I wish I could dm you and just chat (if you were even interested) but I can't (IRL people know my Tumblr and I dont want to make a new one unless it's necessary.) If there's anything you wanna chat about, I hope I stumble across it on my dash. I hope its okay if I hide behind anon asks.

Thanks for representing people like me. Sorry for the ramble, I guess I needed to get more off my mind than I realized. Thanks for being a safe space to vibe for a while. It's nice to be around other, perfectly valid people like me. I look up to you in a sense ♡

(But seriously, if this is too much drama and you don't want me to do this again, you don't even need to post this I won't bother you again without your consent)

I- wow.

That’s really all I can say.

I’m very glad that you feel just as recognized here as an asexual as you should be. And I know what every single one of these struggles is like. Personally, I never Liked to force things onto myself which has been Both a blessing and a curse.

It’s great because I don’t have to deal with a relationship but over time people stop wanting to be around you for it. But eventually, I found a friend group who respected what I did and didn’t want to talk about. And unfortunately even though some people may be nice and friendly to you, that doesn’t mean that you and that person are going to click.

I think you might want to start being more open about not wanting to talk about these things when you’re around them, and if that’s scary and difficult, start small. I get it. But the more you stay quiet and the more morning is going to change.

So yea, I don’t mind the ask! I guess I didn’t even realize that me just openly existing as Aspec was a huge thing to a lot of people, so I’m glad I could help, I hope everything gets better for you anon. Have a lovely day/afternoon/evening 💖💖💖

[mbti-notes]

Is this the typical INTP behavior? I guess I've changed because of quarantine and/or my goals/projects being postponed. It's like I'm in limbo and I can't progress. I have become even more antisocial. I don't even have the energy to visit my family members or do things with them. I just want to be left alone. I surf the net, read, watch movies, work out, study. but I can't spend much time with others and don't have the energy to smile and role play. I also have become more cynical and...(1/2)

[con’t: And can't stop thinking about the things I don't have, the delay in reaching my goals, and whether I can reach my goals or not. and I secretly have gender dysphoria which makes things worse. I have graduated from grad school, but I still don't have a job yet. I wanted to work on my resume and then search for jobs. but thanks to quarantine, I'm still at home and it bothers me. my family is worried about me and my extreme introversion, but I can't open up to them.I never open up to anyone.  I sort of feel guilty for prefering solitude, and not having energy for my mom or other family members. but I can't function normally and the way they want without taking antidepressants. but I also don't want to be dependent on those. I have become a negative person, and my gender dysphoria, and my fear of missing out, and not reaching my goals have become like obsessions for me. Is there any way to get over obsessions for INTPs? Is my hyperfocus due to quarantine? How to get normal again?]

If you are uncertain about your type, then type assessment should be the first order of business. I won’t answer type assessment questions until people go through the process of writing up a detailed self-description as per the blog guidelines. If I’m not sure of your type, I won’t give type-related advice.

Why do you believe that you should be “normal” when living under very abnormal circumstances? Do you honestly believe that your environment plays no role in emotional well-being? This pandemic lockdown is hugely disruptive to everyone. I’d say that it might be the biggest disruption to society we’ve seen since the last world war (and I’m grateful that it’s not a war this time around). It’s perfectly normal to feel bad when your circumstances are bad. So, why not allow yourself to feel what you feel in accordance to the circumstances that you are in? The more you try to convince yourself that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, the worse you will feel, because you’re not acknowledging the legitimacy of your feelings. 

Generally speaking, if you “can’t stop” doing something, it means that you’re emotionally troubled. And the best way to deal with negative feelings and emotions is to talk about them and process them, which means that closing yourself off and never opening up to anyone is a form of self-harm. Once you’re able to process your feelings, you’ll free up mental energy to do positive things. When you don’t acknowledge your feelings properly, you create a disconnect between yourself and the reality that you find yourself in. Wishing for reality to be other than what it is, you cause yourself stress and suffering, as all of your energy is poured into the endlessly frustrating task of changing that which cannot be changed.

Generally speaking, whenever you meet any obstacle, the best approach is to ADAPT - survival of the fittest. Being adaptable nurtures a positive attitude in two significant ways: 

Confidence: You believe in yourself and your ability to get through any situation. Having confidence means that you have plenty of energy and motivation for creative problem solving and turning around negative situations.

Optimism: You know that the world is always changing, sometimes in ways that favor you, sometimes in ways that hinder you. No matter what happens, the world always offers up new opportunities eventually, as long as you remain patient and vigilant. Thus, there is no need to fret over lost chances, and lost chances may even free you up to take advantage of an even better opportunity around the corner. Life is unpredictable and throws all sorts of things at you, so it’s best to ride the wave than to fight it.

Adapting well means being able to make the best of your situation, such that you’re able to remain healthy, resilient, and productive in the face of obstacles, perhaps even leveraging the obstacles in your favor if you’re smart. In the current situation, it may involve but is not limited to: finding alternative ways to pass the time productively; working on yourself (building knowledge, practicing skills, personal development, etc); enjoying whatever activities are still available to you; nurturing gratefulness for what you still have; doing something to make the situation better for others; completing projects that you didn’t have time for in the past; etc. NPs always feel more energized by responding creatively to their circumstances due to exercising Ne, which is the opposite of what you’re doing. If you are retreating into yourself, falling into introverted loop, or obsessing/ruminating pointlessly, then you are not adapting well, because you’re not creating anything positive but, rather, amplifying the negatives. This then exacerbates the feeling of “getting nowhere” in a vicious cycle. 

I have already written about adjusting to the pandemic with patience, grace, and creativity (see previous posts). With access to the internet, there’s a lot you can do to work on yourself as a means to better prepare yourself to hit the ground running later on. There are a lot of good resources out there to help you learn, grow, or distract yourself as necessary. Also, many cities are offering low-cost or free mental health services during this time, delivered online, please look into your local area to see what’s available. If you’re really struggling psychologically, reach out for professional help. Suffice it to say that only you are able to change your mindset by always making the choice to focus on more positive things. Assuming that food and shelter are secure, living a slower, more cloistered life for awhile isn’t a death sentence, but it does require that you learn to love yourself enough to be comfortable spending more time with yourself. I think that this pandemic has revealed to some people how much they can’t bear their own company. If you suffer from gender dysphoria, loving yourself may be an issue that you need to work on. From self-love, you will always do what is good for your own well-being.

[transadvice]

Hi 💕 i'm very confused about my gender and i'd like to ask you something that's been bothering me for a while now. I'm afab but I've never really....felt like i identify with being a girl, per se. I'm not even sure what that is supposed to feel like, to be completely honest. I think I might be trans, but reading everyone else's experiences and how they always kind of knew something was "off" with them makes me feel very insecure and doubtful of myself, because that wasn't the case with me. Reading other people's experiences with dysphoria is also something that I can't completely relate to... I'll look at myself in the mirror and not hate the way i look currently. I don't love it but I don't hate it either, I think I look okay. There's that and yet, there's also the fact that I really love myself a lot more when I'm wearing more masculine clothes, my chest (almost) flat and rocking shorter hair. I'm very, very confused and I know you can't give me a definite answer but i'd just like a piece of advice on how can a person be sure that they're trans or not when they've been questioning themselves for a very long time and still didnt come to a conclusion (it's been two years of me questioning). I think I might be overthinking, but unfortunately i don't have people irl that I can talk to about this so I could really use someone else's perspective on this. Sorry for the long ask and the anon, and thank you in advance for reading through this.

The trans fairy is here to wave his magic wand and tell you: congratulations, you’re trans! 

Look, of course, I know, and you know, that nobody can tell you whether you’re trans or not - nobody else has your interior experience - but based on what you’ve described here, I just don’t think you’re cis. Cis women don’t have the experiences you’ve described of loving the way they look and feel more with masculine clothes and a flat chest, or of questioning whether they’re trans for multiple years. Cis people just... don’t think about gender that much, because they don’t have to. It just works. 

I can promise you that “I always knew something was off” is not the only trans narrative and it’s not the way life played out for “everyone else”, that is to say, every other trans person. It’s certainly not the way it happened for me! I had no idea at all that I was trans until it all sort of came together at once when I was thirty-one. I could then see “signs” when I looked back, but I had never put them together into a pattern before, and I was completely blindsided. 

“I always knew” is still a fairly dominant story in media representations of trans people, and there are many reasons why trans people may tell that story: 

* For some trans people, it’s true

* It’s what cis people want to hear

* It’s a common way that cis people sum up and oversimplify trans people’s more nuanced stories

* The false requirement that you must know from childhood in order to be “really” trans is baked into some gatekeeping institutions; some trans people may have been required to tell that story in order to access transition and medical care

* For some trans people, it be true in RETROSPECT that they “always felt off,” but it’s a pattern they can only see after transition, and after realizing that the way they felt about gender their entire life was not normal/fine/okay but in fact was “off” compared to the way cis people or post-transition trans people feel. (If “off” is all you ever know, how can you know it’s “off”?) 

* Those trans people who tell other sorts of narratives - like, “I NEVER knew anything was off and then I SUDDENLY DID” - may have less voice or clout in the media and be less heard. That said: they are out there! You might relate to Daniel Ortberg’s book, “Something That May Shock and Discredit You.”

If you’ve been thinking about something for two years and you haven’t come to a conclusion, you may have reached the limit of what you can achieve by thinking alone. “I’ll assume I’m cis and maybe this will go away” is a reasonable starting position, but obviously this isn’t going away, so what if you changed it up and started assuming you’re trans? What would you do differently? 

[avoresmith]

Off anon so you can respond privately if you prefer. Read the recent update, and as always was blown away, however Jesse's bit threw me for a loop. I felt like maybe I'd missed something or didn't read too closely. So I went back and re-read parts of previous chapters with more 'intimate' moments Jesse's had, and I'm not sure how Jesse's dick works? Or why Genji did not remark on it or had anything to say at all besides 'big!' lol. I don't understand why Jesse was worried about chafing (1)

(Note: even tho those notes say 1 and 3 there wasn’t actually a second one... I didn’t leave out anything, lol)

So I’m just gonna start by answering your questions in the most straight forward way possible, then probably talk for a lot dissecting the expectations I’ve been seeing which I think is central to a lot of the confusion (I’ve gotten a number of questions on this in the past few days) since I think that is all pretty interesting stuff. 

So: yes, Jesse’s body is pretty much indistinguishable from what you might expect someone AMAB to have, unless you really know what to look for. I will go a bit into the expectation that he have some kind of physical tell below, but in a universe with healing bullets, people made out of nanomachine clouds, and cyborg ninja boyfriends, I think it’s entirely believable that phalloplasty will level up what little is necessary to where this is possible and a dude with the money/means could have whatever kind of dick he wants. 

And no one missed any ‘flags’, because I made this decision a few months ago, after I posted chapter 12. 

The story there is, essentially, I was seeing some fantastic art of characters being represented as trans and it got me thinking about how I might be able to contribute to this, and then feeling bad that I had missed my chance by assuming the boys in Truce were cis. Then I thought that is silly, there is no reason trans men need to go around ‘flagging’ themselves, or looking some particular way, there’s no reason my trans character can’t have a massive cock in a universe where he can also have a fully functional robotic arm. 

While it may not be how I would’ve included Jesse as a trans character had I planned it from the start of Truce, I still felt it was better to do than not do. And I’m honestly pretty okay with his story, I don’t really feel like I need to go back and leave hints or anything. The dude’s been living as a dude since before puberty, he’s been stealth for almost 20 years. He honestly forgets it was ever a thing or that people might care or assign specific expectations to him based on the knowledge that he was born with a vagina.

(The rest is very rambly and going under a cut due to length):

Now, on to the various expectations, which I’ve been thinking about a lot the last few months, because I did realize for a number of reasons people WOULD be confused.

So expectation 1: If you reveal something late in the narrative there will be hints of that reveal earlier.

I think this is really fair to assume and probably exactly what I would’ve done had I planned this from the start. But the fact that I didn’t really have that opportunity anymore has had me wondering a lot at this. Whether or not it would be better writing to treat Jesse’s gender identity vs birth assignment as something that could have been puzzled out, and the assumption that he would have in some way ‘revealed’ himself as trans before now. 

I don’t really have an answer to this, it’s just something I’ve been fiddling around with. There is no single ‘trans experience’. Jesse isn’t a tumblr baby, he would probably not tell people he identifies as trans, he didn’t have the support of a trans community. He grew up in an anarchist state where the only thing anyone gave a shit about was how good he was at a murder, and boy was he good at a murder. It was fairly easy for him to dress and act in a more masculine manner and expect to be treated like a boy at a young age just because that is how he was most comfortable and I doubt he put much thought into until his mid teens or so.

(This is somewhat idyllic, I could’ve easily made Deadlock hell for him on account of this, but chose not to.)

Anyway, as a result of me making this choice late in the game, I made his story such that it makes sense that ‘being trans’ isn’t really a part of his identity. But I might have given him a different story and perspective had I decided this from the beginning.

2) Next! Trans Dudes Look A Certain Way (or at least their dicks do). I’ve already covered ‘in my science future world there is really no reason for this’, but! When we are talking representation I think this is a really important thing to look at and talk about. 

I was honestly motivated to make Jesse trans BECAUSE of comments from trans people on tumblr talking about how it was nice to be able to see themselves represented as attractive and desirable, and I’m aware a part of that is TODAY, with modern medical technology and also just people’s monetary options, trans men don’t have the option to have what Jesse has, basically. And so there is I think huge value to normalizing what IS available to trans dudes today, over the narrative of 'one day, in the future, maybe this'.

And I really don’t want to dismiss that. Soft cocks, cocks that can only get erect via implants, cocks grown via hormones, vaginas, and any combination thereof or anything else I am forgetting, are all totally valid representations of men’s bodies and deeply want everyone to be able to feel like their bodies are beautiful and attractive and sexual and sensual really regardless of what is going on with their genitalia. 

So while I can easily create an in character, in universe explanation for Jesse’s trans experiences and his body being Kind Of The Traditionally Ideal Male Form, I thought a lot about whether or not to just leave him cis when I realized I’d already canonized his physical appearance and THAT wouldn’t be representative of what I think a lot my readers (some of whom are trans men) would be able to identify with?

=|a

But, there is also a lot I’ve canonized about Jesse other than his big beautiful dick, like his ability to be a total badass, his somewhat confused crawl toward leadership, his emotional intelligence, his perspective on the world that allows him to do what he does and also sleep at night, his recent tendency toward being a gay disaster, how incredibly far he’s come since his childhood to be the man he is today. 

In the end there is no one character who can represent All Trans Dudes, in body or spirit. So I figured it was better to be doing something to add even a tiny bit more perspective and visibility, rather than not do anything because I’d missed my chance to check every possible representation box.

(And, by the way, your question was VERY kind, thank you for asking it. I don’t want it to seem as if because I DROPPED A LOT OF WORDS here, I was defending against an accusation you never leveled. I have in fact been thinking about this a SHITTON and since I have had like... idk, six or so people approach me with different questions all on this subject, I figured I would offer up my take on the whole thing as transparently as I could.)

[generousbouquetchopshop-us-blog]

The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. (NOT tonight - I just mean at some point in our lives - this is NOT a terrorist attack - believe me, I do NOT have malicious or evil intentions - well in my opinion at least, but sometimes our perception of ourselves differs to how others perceive us - but does that really matter? All I care about is what I think about myself) Wait, Hang On I Lied. There's one more certainty in life. That you and I are human beings. (Well, I do hope so. After all, I only know who I am. And only you know who you are) Yes I tried my best to think of an engaging first liner to grab your attention. (And if you're still reading this now - it must have worked!) I was just worried with all the 'clutter' and 'competition' out there that you could potentially miss this. And yes that's also why I have the photo of a cute baby. And also because we were all once babies at some point in our lives (well unless you came out another way which is not a certain opening in a female body) And before you amazing security officers out there, Who work super hard to protect your citizens, Even on the weekend (which is meant for rest with family) (and shout out to everyone in Australia who still worked today on Mother's Day -your sacrifice of your treasured time which could have been spent with your Mother (the technical economic term is opportunity cost - in case you were wondering - yes I know you all are secretly nerds) Will never be forgotten) Ok so back to you security officers Think of shutting this down, I assure you that this is NOT a security threat. It is NOT an act of cyber terrorism. 'So what is it then?' - you find yourself thinking (Yes I am a mind reader) Today marks a turning point in the course of mankind. Today marks a day that hope is restored in the world. What you are seeing today will be written in history books for future generations to come. We will make it in a Guinness World Record Book for 1. The most number of people clicking going on a facebook event 2. The most number of people posting on a facebook event page 3. The most number of people sharing the same message across social media I know what you're thinking. Well this girl sounds 'ambitious' Which were common responses I got Well yes, This is 'ambitious' I think so too But 'ambitious' and 'reality' are NOT mutually exclusive (is this the right term? I always struggled with probability in maths) But it's going to happen - keep reading on if you would like to see how history is going to be made :) (But technically, history is being 'made' every single day by each and every one of us just be being alive - even going to the toilet and eliminating waste is technically 'making' history) Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. (And news outlets out there! Please choose a decent photo of me [ie. not one where my armpit hair is showing] Actually, I don't mind if you can find a photo of me with armpit hair. (Yes - that's a challenge!) (We all have hair - I don't see what's the big deal) (Why would you want to see a photo of me with armpit hair when you can just strip yourself down [yes I put this in just for you - you know who you are xD] and just lift up your arm and VOILA!!! Hair before your very eyes!!!!! ) (I'm actually super hairy In my opinion For a girl) Also, I'm going to keep on ranting about this (again, PMS is a real thing for the female population - have sympathy for us fellas!) Another thing I do not understand is why we must wear clothes And in some places in the world, Such as Australia, We can actually get charged with a criminal offence (and maybe be put in gaol) For stripping down in certain public places (with some exceptions such as nude beaches which are mainly filled with elderly people right now - I reckon we can diversify that a little) And showing our 'private parts' (but are our 'private parts' really even that 'private' after all if we all have them? (well I know it differs between females and males)) but yeah - and some of us have unique bodies - either born naturally or through operations - I respect that - it's your life and you choose how you would like to live it - and which gender you would like to live as and which private parts you would like to have) And in some places like Australia, Myth has it that the bigger something (something in a similar shape to a sausage) is The more masculine a male is Well to me, that's absolutely bullshit I don't know how these 'myths' even originated! All sizes are beautiful to me! Ok, so back to me and armpit hair: I filled in one of my friends' survey about hair and shaving yesterday. Why is shaving a thing anyways? We all have hair on our bodies (well some more than others but we all do) Why is it often socially unacceptable for girls have to have cleanly shaven armpits when they wear sleeveless tops or dresses? And why is often socially acceptable for males to not shave?? Now that is gender discrimination to the max! Why is this NOT written in the Discrimination Act in Australia?? (or maybe it is - I have to admit I haven't read it - and I highly doubt that my fellow Australian peers have either - but apologies! If it is in there!) And on that note of Discrimination, It is so real And close It still happens today in the 21st century!!! Right here in Australia This week, I had the privilege of talking to a beautiful Indigenous lady I've always been curious of Indigenous Australian culture (do you know that Indigenous Australian culture is the oldest surviving culture in the entire world???) WOW Because I certainly didn't know this. If Australia was a person And let's just say I was that person for theoretical purposes I would go around showing that off I would tell everyone I would tell the entire world I would be super proud of that I would make sure the entire world knows (but why doesn't the entire world know?- well maybe it's only me who is oblivious and ignorant and unaware - and maybe all of you do know this - please correct me if I'm wrong) Ok, so yeah. This beautiful Indigenous lady (and I do remember your name - I just want to make sure I respect your privacy before I decide to put your name here for the world to see because there's no way that I have been able to contact you) Said her dream was to become a cook (yes you go girl!) And she applied for a cook job recently. She was called in for an interview. But as soon as she showed up, They told her the position had been filled Now if that isn't discrimination to the max, I don't know what you call that I was super angry when I heard this. Now those of you who know me know that I don't normally get angry It takes quite a bit to get Leeann angry (I give off the impression of being a calm, controlled, sweet, pure and innocent girl) If I was present at the time, I would've taken those café owner(s) to court. And sue you for breaching the Discrimination Act Because the legislation is real and it is properly enforced (well I don't work in the legal field so I actually wouldn't know) But nothing in the world (I believe) cannot be resolved with Honest and open Communication. Just by opening our mouths and making some sounds (I think that's what we call a language), Together, we can solve any problem And we must learn to be accountable And take responsibility for our own actions Like a girl (why do we tend to say man? Are we trying to imply that females are less brave than men? My fellow female population Let's band together and prove them wrong -Trust me boys, you never mess with girls, We will make sure You Rue For The Rest Of Your Life Until The Moment You Die :) [just kidding XD- no I'm not kidding here] Yes, we must take responsibility for our own actions like a girl (I remember seeing a campaign trying to challenge gender stereotypes a couple of years back - that was awesome! I forgot what it was called though but I do remember it so it means it was effective) And I will illustrate this with something we all do -fart. Why do we feel the need to suppress our urges to fart? If you stink up a room with your own smelly gas, Then at least do it proudly! Make it as loud as possible! And admit it was you! And apologise maybe! OR, if that's too scary for you, I have another suggestion which has largely been inspired by one of my close mates (who I'm sure would probably appreciate it if I don't name and shame them - your very welcome in advance =D) This is no magic but You simply tell the person you're talking to or the people around you that you need to fart And head outside To do the deed. Then walk back in. And continue with your life. Easy. See, life isn't at all that complicated is it? (I know! I'm a genius!!!) Prior to my launch tonight, I shared my initiative 'Die To Live' with some fellow peers. I had many people who doubted me. But I also had many people who had absolute faith. Now, I don't blame those of you who I spoke to and doubted me. If someone told me that at Sunday 9pm on the 13th of May, 2018, Hope will be restored in the world, That the world will be changed And that it will be a major event in history, I will look at them And think they're nuts! (And no, in case you were wondering, I don't mean the pecan nut, macadamia nut, or peanut) And some of these people also looked like they wanted to lock me up in a mental health hospital. But what does it even mean to be 'mentally ill?' Am I considered 'crazy' just because I have different opinions that nobody else seems to have? Does that make me 'mentally ill?' (Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my humble opinion, that just means I'm a human being) While we're on the topic of 'mental illness,' Check out the School of Life and one of their recent videos Called something along the lines of - why the modern society makes us mentally ill I watched it over breakfast yesterday and could not agree more (i promise that this is not paid advertising/product placement or whatever we choose to call it) Because it's so good that I voluntarily choose to 'advertise' for them The School of Life does not need any paid marketing (yes you girls are awesome!) But at the same time, Yes, I get you. I wouldn't believe it either Until I see it unfold Before my very eyes Myself. But I certainty would not lock someone with different thoughts to mine in a mental health hospital, away from the rest of society. I would simply respect their opinion, try to understand and empathise from their point of view and then move on with my life. And I also had one special 'case.' You know who you are. You're the person I bumped into and didn't think I was 'insane' but instead thought I was plotting to commit suicide at 9pm Sunday May 13th and then upload 13 videos onto Facebook with each video incriminating a different person who lead me to end my life. -Just like the TV series - 13 reasons why Oh you funny!! (but I'm even funnier xD) But you had faith in me and that's all that matters :D Life is NOT a Television series!!! (For those of you who don't know what a TV is - it is essentially a virtual reality -trust me though, it's nothing special - and you're not missing out - because you're living your own reality instead - and I believe that is infinite times cooler than watching someone else's) But what I don't understand is why some of you who doubted me had absolute faith in science. (I'm not throwing shade here [or am I? - well too bad too sad because you'll never know what goes through my mind] but Shout out to that person I had an extremely heated intense friendly 2 hour banter sesh about science and religion a couple of days ago) Those words you used cut me But I forgive you Because I know you didn't mean it Because, in my humble opinion, science is a belief system in itself based off faith. For example, most of us in today's era believe that the Earth is round. And this is 'proven' to us through science. But until I personally travel up into space and view the Earth from a distance with my own very eyes, I refuse to believe this as an absolute 'truth.' (but even then, I may not even trust my own eyes - they could be lying to me - I could just be hallucinating) We often like to think we are 100% certain of many things in our everyday lives. Perhaps uncertainty makes us feel uneasy. In my opinion, we dislike uncertainty. Which is why we try to structure our lives and lock ourselves in some kind of routine to try and eliminate uncertainty (but this is simply NOT possible in my opinion - the only certainty in life is death - but even that's not even certain) Who said we should eat 3 meals a day - Breakfast Lunch And Dinner (for those of you who don't know what I'm rambling on about - because I'm aware you may or may not have ever eaten a proper meal (yet) - they're just names some of us use to tell ourselves when we should eat) Wouldn't hunger be a better indicator of when to eat instead of locked in time periods? And who said that we should aim for 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit per day or something along those lines? (Yes it's a rhetorical question - I know who - 'official' nutritional guidelines or something I think) Because for me, if I know that the only certainty in life is death I would rather eat what I want to eat If I enjoy the taste of it But at the same time, it is all about the 'balance' (as Katherine Du likes to say) (there will be more on food and eating in the second part of my 'story' -I'm not going to tell you all of it now -just to make sure you keep reading heeeheheheee) And who decided that humans should sleep once a day? And it has to be at nighttime? And who came up with the guidelines that children need about 9-10 hours of sleep per night And that adults need about 6-8 hours per night? (Yes I know - it is scientifically 'proven' - but how did you scientists come up with these numbers? In saying this, I have the most utmost respect for you scientists -I'm just curious -it's hard work working in labs -I have some mates studying science/medicine and they tell me about their 4 hour lab sessions When I heard this, I was angry Because That's torture! Abuse of human rights!! Because I get hungry every 2-3 hours!!!) Wouldn't sleepiness and fatigue be more appropriate signals of when to sleep? Mum, I know you will read this. I did tell you that your friend's daughters will probably read my 'story' first Then tell their parents Then they will call you up And tell you to read this. (I wasn't at all wrong about that was I?) I have to main things I would like to say to you mummy: 1. Happy mother's day! 2. I love you Remember two nights ago when I got home and slept at 7pm Without eating dinner? And you were upset the next morning that I didn't eat your food? I apologise again if I hurt you, But I feel like it was not that necessary to 'lash out at me' when I asked (just innocently out of curiosity): Who decided that humans should eat 3 meals a day? OK so back to the science and religion 'friendly banter' I had Once again, the only certainty in life is death. (and I will repeat this numerous times throughout my 'story' just to annoy you - <3 - I challenge you to count how many times I mention that - and maybe there will be a prize for the person who gets the right number or gets closest to the right number! - just like those jelly bean in a jar guessing competitions! - just kidding - I'm not serious on this one - I can't be bothered to count myself - I have bigger fish to fry ;)) People thousands of years back were 100% certain that the Earth was flat. But they were somehow 'proven' to be 'wrong'. Now we (or just me) are 100% certain that the Earth is round. So in my humble opinion, we can only 'disprove' things but never 'prove' things. We merely get less 'wrong' each time round (Manson, 2016) But we are never 100% 'right.' Anything is possible. (Well maybe besides eternal life beyond Earth - but even that is not 100% impossible) So, an anonymous person who wishes not to be named recently brought to my attention how Fast the world is changing around us. For example, Facebook was invented in 2004 - it's only been 14 years - but I seem to hardly remember any parts of my life without Facebook in it) Wikipedia was launched in 2001 (and I didn't get this one from Wikipedia) (I don't know how I wouldn't 'survived' all those assignments without you! Thank you Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger! And bless all you other inventors out there who invented something useful to humanity! Again, bless you all who believed me without needing to see it happen. You know who you are. I will never forget how you made me feel. There is nothing that fuels the human spirit like faith. (unless it's more alcohol) Complete And Utter Faith. Even my mother who raised me for 19 years and whom I crawled out of her (something - let's just say body) Doubted me. Yet some of you had utter and complete faith in me within minutes of talking to you for the very first time. And I reiterate again (mum, I'm not throwing shade at you here) If I had a daughter and she told me she's on a quest to change the world this Sunday at 9pm on Mother's Day, I (I don't know what I would do but I would probably not believe her) So….back to how Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'read' because I am also aware that language translation will be needed. TIP: Try copy and pasting this into google translate! (man technology does wonders!!!) And also because not all of us are blessed to be taught how to read. As to why I chose to use English, It's because it just happens to be the language I'm most fluent in. And also because, for some reason, English also happens to be the 'universal' language used across the world. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'see' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to see. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'listen' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to hear. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'smell' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to smell. (this doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying today because in my humble opinion, I don't think we can smell a story??? - well feel free to prove me wrong - nothing is certain in life besides death. TBH (to be honest), I just wanted repetition for a couple of lines because I learnt in high school English, that it will help deliver my message across) And I also say 'eventually' because not everyone in the world as it currently stands has even seen what 'technology' looks like, let alone have access to social media. That’s why I'm relying on YOU all to translate my message and communicate it to these fellow peers. I'm just one person. And I need your help. I can't do this alone (but I will if I have to -but ideally not!) So you find yourself still thinking…. 'Ok, I still have no idea what this post is about.' (Yes I am actually a mind reader) Apologies! I'm only human and I'm flawed and I do occasionally get just a little side-tracked and distracted. You're life has value. You were born for a reason. And I will prove it to you. (Yes - I remember whispering this in one beautiful human's ear a couple of days ago. This beautiful human was so selfless and looked out for me when I was not in the best state of self (this hero walked into the female toilets since I was chundering and got kicked out of security guards as a result) (this hero was prepared to take me home on a 1.5 bus ride at like 11pm at night towards a direction which was completely opposite to where he/she lived) (and this hero probably got some of my churned up mix of food and alcohol on them too - soz) (and I apologise again for that other beautiful human who I chundered on their hand -soz not soz - HAHAHA -I do mean it when I say that (now you're probably wondering which part I'm referring to [well you'll never know! Heheee - <3] ) And thank you to you too! You know who you are! I love our long-as text message chats! And that card you wrote me for my 18th last year -those words really touched me Even though we meet up like once (ok I may be using hyperbole here - I'll say twice) a year, You mean the world to me To me, friendships and relationships in general are much more than hanging out in real life, To me, friendships and relationships are more about having that emotional/spiritual connection with another human being To me, friendships and relationships are not defined by physical presence (although I do believe hanging out in real life is nice too - but life sometimes takes us in different directions - and that is not always possible) You may love another person dearly, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be together with a physical presence. 'True' love, in my opinion, is when you genuinely want the best for the other person And being genuinely happy to see them happy Yes that night at Metro Theatre in the city, I got kicked out by security guards within 30 minutes of going inside for a combined university event. I think (and you never trust a drunk person's memory) I had about 11 shots of straight vodka that night (looking back, that was not the best idea) Those security guards who kicked us out were not the nicest people. I know that Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep Down That you guys are beautiful people - just please bring it to the surface and show it to the world You could've been a lot more nicer. After I got kicked out and as I was walking towards Maccas (yas I love you maccas - happy meals were my childhood - why are soft serves $0.75 now? They used to only be $0.30! Inflation is a real thing! That's why I love economics! - I'm expecting a massive surge in economics students both at high school and university heheehee - economics teachers and lecturers - you are very welcome XD) In my drunken and semi-conscious state, I remember vaguely rambling on saying things like Why are people like this? Why are people so mean? Why is the world like this? And probably also crying my chunder out at the same time I was always that good straight A studious nerdy student who always did my homework on time and listened to the teacher in class. I waited till I was 18 until I had my first legal drink. (well I did occasionally have some sips of wine at home over dinner but nothing substantial until I turned 18 -unlike most Asian dads, My dad encouraged me to drink at home - he was more than happy! - you're cool dad xD - just wanted to let you know that) I was at a university first years camp when I had my first drink. I remember feeling sad because the alcohol was way too diluted -and I was too 'heavy-weight' -and I couldn't physically drink that much fluid to feel drunk because I was too full Looking back, I was probably drunk and was probably on the verge of my limit But I didn't know because I've never felt what it was like to be 'drunk' Then about a month and a half later, I went to one of my mate's surprise 18th I wanted to 'test' my 'limit' I drank as many different types of alcohol I could get my hands on Rum Vodka Soju Gin White wine Red wine Whiskey Tequila You Name It (well probs besides Maotai which is $$$$ - and we were all young dumb and broke uni students - yes Khalid I love you) And you can probably guess How my night turned out My face was in the bathroom sink for about 3 hours (well it felt like 10 minutes to me but I've realised my perception is super distorted while under the influence) Thank you to those who accompanied me for the entirety or a part of those 3 hours - I'm sure it didn't make it onto the best nights of your life list I remember feeling so ashamed after. I could not stop thinking about it for at least 3 weeks. My reputation! Like most people who chunder for the first time, I vowed that It Wouldn't Happen Again. (deep inside I knew it would because I just wasn't happy and I knew I would turn to more alcohol to distract myself from that constant emptiness but I didn't see another alternative back then) But my brother and mates weren't at all that 'wrong' when they said something along the lines of That's what they all say. Within a couple of weeks (or months - if that detail matters), I Unsurprisingly Chundered Again. And then I repeated what I said previously. And I got the same responses as I did before (kind of like déjà vu) And then the cycle kept repeating itself so many times that I lost count of how many times I chundered Because I stopped caring My 'reputation' was damaged beyond repair anyways And I was happy with the new me (the person who started to care less about what others thought of me) I was always that super good girl who was sweet, nice and 'innocent' (whatever that means) But what does it even mean to be 'innocent?' What's the definition? A lot of my friends had often commented that when they first met me I seemed like an innocent girl then they realised they were 'wrong' like super 'wrong' - completely off Does the fact that I love alcohol And the fact that I've chundered more times than I remember And the fact that I like to squeal at high pitches to the point it may cause long term ear damage (apologies to those people who I have damaged your hearing permanently) And the fact that I really enjoy raves And love waking up to hardstyle music every morning And chucking a phat (someone please explain to me why it's spelt with a 'ph' - I tried googling but I never found an answer - I guess you can't find all the answers to life's problems on google) Muzz To start my day Make me any less 'innocent'? OK so back to that night I got kicked out of Metro Theatre. It was that night when I realised you beautiful humans had my back. And I will forever have yours too. You are all beautiful. And I still remember that night like it was tonight. And I will never forget it. It is around 9pm here where I am in Sydney, Australia right now. There are approximately 7.6 billion people in this world (rounded to 1 decimal place and 2 significant figures - or 'sig figs' - I'm not talking about the dried fruit here) (according to the World Population Clock at 12:18pm yesterday - Sydney time) I may just be one girl. But one girl can change the world. If you don't believe me, I will prove it to you. (200% guarantee Just take a screenshot of this message When you visit me in gaol/jail [depending on where you live in the world] Effective for one year within today HAHAHA in case you haven't realised already, I'm only kidding) Why must we rely on legal systems and laws to protect ourselves from lies? Why can't we rely on trust instead? I realise that it's probably impractical to scrap our legal systems together -but I do reckon mixing a bit of 'trust' into the mixture won't hurt And I am aware that I live in a hole (not literally) I have lived in Sydney, Australia for most of my life Which I know is not representative of the entire world. Some of the things I talk about may make absolutely no sense to you. But I only humbly ask that you take a moment to understand what some of your fellow peers on the other side of the globe go through on a daily basis or have experienced Even if it is super foreign to you. (If you check up on the news on a regular basis, This should be no different I guess But probs maybe just a bit more 'spicy' and realistic) I'm sure you would like to same favour (or should I say flavour HAHHAH - gosh I'm so funny!) to be returned to you. Can I count on you guys (and the entire female population - I don't know why it's normal to say 'guys' for both genders) to have a read of what I have to say first And try not to act on any prejudice or judgement Before you decide to shut it down? Yeah, sorry, I got a little side-tracked again So… The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. So what is the point of staying alive now if it's all going to come to an end? Why are we living to die instead of dying to live? All of us have a mother. (assuming you are all humans like me and started with 'something' that happened between a male and female) I love my mum. Without my mum I wouldn't be here tonight. Without my mum I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you tonight. Without my mum you wouldn't be reading this tonight. In Sydney, Australia, Today is Mother's Day. And it's no coincidence that I've chosen this day to connect with you. This is because today we show our appreciation for the beautiful and incredible woman who brought us into this world, whether she is here with you or not today. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who sucked up the discomfort of having a massive bulge sticking out of her belly for 9 months. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who suffered physical pain and bleed from childbirth. I don't think there can be any other pain greater than the pain of childbirth (well I haven't given birth so I guess I'm not qualified to say so) (Yes the cute baby photo was specifically chosen to capture your attention) Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who blessed us with a life full of opportunity. Mother's Day is today, in Australia. Why are we on social media? And I am no hypocrite here. Why am I myself on social media tonight? Why have we felt the need to create a 'Day' for all our 'Mothers' out there? Is it because, without a 'Mother's Day,' we will forget to love our 'Mothers'? Shouldn't our mothers be appreciated every single day? (Same for all the 'Father's' out there!!! I love you Dad) In the past, all I did for Mother's Day was go to the shops and buy a box of chocolates or some flowers or whatever was on "Mother's Day Sale." But I've realised there are many things that Money Cannot Buy. (feel free to prove me wrong here) There are many things that cannot be Bought And Sold Based on demand and supply on a Market (Yes I love economics!!!) Love. Time. Purpose. Faith. Hope. Life. The List Goes On And On . . . In my humble opinion, I feel like some meaningful celebrations have been overly commercialised in some 'developed' countries. I feel like Christmas Day is more about buying presents and decorating the Christmas tree. I feel like Easter Day is about eating chocolate shaped in an oval egg shape (or bunny or whatever fancy shape chocolate is moulded into to make it more appealing to buy and eat and make it seem different but at the end of the day it's just chocolate - well maybe different in the sense that it has differing percentages of cocoa content - I'm personally a big fan of dark chocolate! - I reckon 70% is just 'perfect' - well just 'right' - because nothing is 'perfect' but also nothing is 'right' - so yeah, I just contradicted what I just said). I feel like ANZAC Day is more about eating ANZAC cookies and buying things with the Australian flag printed on it. And I feel like Chinese New Year is more about receiving free money from relatives (as long as you are unmarried). Now, I'm not suggesting that you should all divorce or remain single for life and go become Chinese. I'm just telling you about my 'blood nationality' and our culture. Also, while we're on the topic of marriage, I am not at all against marriage (I think marriage is wonderful and Western white wedding dresses are super beautiful on brides), in my humble opinion, I don't really understand the point of marriage? To me, Love is about remaining loyal both physically and emotionally to another human of our own choosing (in my opinion, regardless of gender). Personally, I don't see the need to have my 'love' with another human solidified by the legal system under a notion called 'marriage.' I believe if we truly 'love' another person, We should be able to trust them to remain loyal (both emotionally and physically) to us without protection under the legal system And live together happily ever after (Yes I'm a big dreamer and lover of Disney and I believe in happily ever after fairytale endings with my Prince HEEEHEHEE) And, while we're on the topic of Princes and Princesses and fairytale endings, (I know we all love a good romance on such a dark, romantic night here in Australia and most stories told through mediums such as books and movies tend to have at least a touch of love in them And some have a bigger focus than others *Cough* *Cough* Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) One of my favourite TV shows (back in the day I still used to watch TV) was the Bachelor/Bachelorette <3 But now I prefer to live in my own reality TV show instead of watching another's on an electronic screen To my Prince out there, (yes you know who you are) Who wishes not to be named (and shamed - hahah just kidding - Well, hopefully you don't find what I'm about to say to be too embarrassing) The way I fundamentally feel towards you has not changed one bit And I'm not talking about hate here (jokes! I lied! I actually feel even stronger towards you now <3) And gosh, No other human on Earth has ever made me cry as many times as you have. No one can compete with how many rivers on Earth I've filled with my salty tears. (everyone else reading this, please don't try to break the Guinness World Record here - I reckon I've had my fair share of tears and breakdowns) And I meant it when I said nobody has ever made me feel this way. (or something like I've never felt this way towards somebody - or the other way around - well I guess that's not important) (and well I guess it does make sense that everybody feels differently towards each person because they're different people) -that paragraph was very coherent - I know I've already told you this directly but repetition surely doesn't hurt! Thank you for always considering what is best for me in everything you've done. (Well I hope that's what you've been doing - only you know what's going inside that interesting head of yours) Thank you for teaching me the importance of honest and open communication. I would never forget that night when you asked me out in the most romantic location one could possibly think of. (Solid memz) (And great place IF we have any future anniversaries) Thank you for all the 'fun' experiences we've shared together (Yes you know which one I'm referring to in particular ;)) I hope we have many more nights just like that (well maybe just a bit more) You're a Tim Tam Because You're Simply Irresistible And you know which Guinness World Record of mine (or personal best) I would like to break ;) (please don't go finding another planet to live on to get away from me) And I love how we always go 'hunting' for the same places when we're out and about in public ;))))) I also would like to say that I miss you. A lot. <3 (AWWWWW) And I've been thinking about you A lot. (AWWWW) And Just like how I've previously never envisioned a life without a uni degree till this Monday, I've never been able to envision a life without you in it (and I probably won't be able to - but nothing is certain besides death - so I could be wrong I guess) I was never quite a full believer in soul mates Until I met you There was always a 'mystical' feeling I felt around you. I never understood what it was Until now I thought it was just 'lust' Or you were just secretly a 'fuckboi' (whatever that means) But I realised it was much more than that. OK, that's the last (massive) chunk of cheese I'm feeding you guys (for tonight). And I'm sure the rest of you have eaten enough cheese for the day. And I don't want to make you puke tonight. Because that's not my job -That's the job of your significant other <3 I don't know what you were expecting when I messaged you yesterday asking for your permission to have your first name in my 'story.' Well, since you said no, I assume you probably weren't expecting this. (man I had some great jokes I wanted to crack with your first name - GRRRRR) But again, as I have already told you, In this life, If we would like to have a nice and healthy relationship, We must accept the fact that we have the right to both reject and be rejected by others. And others hurt us but we also hurt others. That's just part of life. So, I respect your decision. I had to get that off my chest. Because now, When I'm on my deathbed, I don't have to be wondering what could've been had I chosen to tell you. Instead, When I'm on my deathbed, I can spend my last hours reflecting on what a wonderful life it's been Surrounded by my family and closest friends. Now, I've done everything I possibly could within my control. Now, it's all on you now. And please respect how it's a private matter between us two from now on. Your own love lives are much more interesting than mine. Trust me. Why would you want to see how someone else's story ends (or starts) when you can be writing your own 'story?' So go out there and tell that person you've been wanting to tell how you feel how you've felt all along! Be a girl! Growing up, it was always drilled into me that guys should be the ones chasing girls and girls should not chase guys. And that girls should play 'hard to get' Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you start feeling like you like someone, To say something along the lines of: "Hey. I like you. Do you feel the same way?" Then it can either only go one or two ways (Well we all hope it goes one particular way) And then you can move on happily with life and find someone else who also feels the same way and live happily ever after (well unless you're super unlucky and get a fence sitter And apologies, if that's the case, I don't have any further advice for you - you're on your own then xD) I used to think that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness. I was 'wrong' (whatever it means to be 'wrong' or 'right') But I've realised it actually takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you feel hurt by something they've done. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them. But, in my opinion, by telling others how we feel, It actually liberates us. It allows us to make amends Instead of letting resentment build And then exploding later Like our own internal Big Bang Because in my Theory (I guess you can call it the Big Bang Theory), believe me, in my experience, I have exploded many times (not literally) By letting my resentment build (under the influence [heavy] of alcohol) If you don't believe me, Believe Bronnie Ware!! For those of you who don't know Bronnie, She worked as a palliative nurse for 8 years looking after people in their final days alive. And she writes in her book "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," That one of the top 5 regrets she heard from people with limited time on Earth was that they wished they had the courage to express their own emotions. I used to put on a face and act like something that really hurt me didn't affect me at all. I don't understand why I aspired to be a 'psychopath.' Because a key characteristic of a 'psychopath' is that they feel no emotions. Our ability to feel emotions, whether that be: Happiness Disappointment Joy Anger Resentment Love Is what makes us human. Why do we attempt to 'dehumanise' ourselves? So back to marriage…. Again, I am not against marriage. Well, even if I am, why should you care? It's your life and you choose and how you would like to live it. And believe me, in my humble opinion, life is too short for you to spend a couple of minutes writing a nasty comment trying to convince me of the importance of marriage. (Well if you decide to do so, I'm absolutely honoured! because it means I'm super important to you because you care a lot about what I think) But for me personally, I would just like to wear a nice white pretty long wedding dress for fun and take some photos around my closest family and friends Anyways, got a little side tracked again. Back to the topic: I know that many of us struggle or have struggled to find meaning in life. I'm one of them. And I'll be sharing my story with you. I know if I don't wake up tomorrow, I can Rest In Peace. Apologies, if I have generalised or made false assumptions in parts of my 'story' by using words like "We." I know that there is no other certainty besides death. But sometimes, it is 'easier' to do so to illustrate a point I'm trying to make. I hope you understand. If you don't like what I have to say, you can either (Mark Manson): 1. Do nothing OR 2. Do something I value all opinions and perspectives. I only ask that you do so in a courteous and respectful manner. Growing up, my dad was always the logical one and less of a 'dreamer' than I was. I tried having D&M (Deep and Meaningful conversations) with my Dad but they never turned out the way I hoped. 'Dad, what do you think the meaning of life is?' 'There's no meaning. You live. You die. That's it.' Wow! So optimistic Dad!! I love you Dad! Growing up, you also 'tried' (and I use the word 'tried' because you weren't that successful in doing so) to drill into me that it was a waste of time and energy to 'care too much' about the world Because you said there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to accept life the way it is. Well, back to Mark Manson's two options, You can probably guess which path I decided to take (and it wasn't to accept it I Refuse to accept the world as it is) To all my fellow peers out there, If I have offended you, please let me know. I am not perfect. I don't try to be perfect. And I don't need to be perfect. And as much effort as I've put it and how hard I've tried to minimise resentment and offense, (Just like how I'm trying to be at the minimum point on the parabola And at the maximum point on the parabola with my impact) I'm only human. And so are you. And to further illustrate my point that nothing in this world is 'perfect' (apologies if this sounds like an essay), My 'story' is not fully edited. I've ran through it once - made some changes and this is what you're reading now. There are errors. There are bits repeated. There are bits that make no sense whatsoever. This is to further highlight my belief that nothing in the world is 'perfect' (or the real reason could just be that I'm lazy and cbbs editing it) LOL DISCLAIMER: I do not accept any legal responsibility for any tears shed Or any laughs shared Or any puke vomited from cheese overload in the process of reading my 'story.' (Oh and in case you haven't realised already It's also R rated And if you don't know what that means Adults only!! - just kidding, anyone can read my 'story') I reckon that our mental state would be a better measure of our 'real age' Because our age is just a 1, 2 (or 3) (or 4) (or more) digit number which doesn't indicate anything about our 'maturity' level (whatever that means) nor our 'wisdom' (whatever that means) You are reading at your own risk. Remember It's YOUR own life. And YOU choose how to live it. (Please show appreciation for the fact that I've been nice and have made this disclaimer at a font size that you can actually see) [Tip: Get a box of tissues ready (don’t worry if you don’t know what tissues are - they just help absorb our tears) You can live without them! Actually we can live without a lot of things If my house was on fire, i know what i would choose to take - nothing at all - nothing but myself and my family - I slept in a room with nothing [not literally] but a mattress laid on top of the carpet on the floor with a blanket, pillow, oxygen, walls, life and I was clothed too] And in case you were wondering, I didn't choose to do that for fun. My house was under renovations for a couple of weeks (we repainted the entire house and changed the entire carpet) And during those two weeks, I felt like I was 'homeless' I can't imagine what it's like to actually be sleeping out in the open on the streets Or being a refugee I felt like I was being kicked out of my own dwelling and I didn't belong - I felt lost and very uncomfortable OK, so here's my 'story'. https://leeannchn.wixsite.com/dietolive/single-post/2018/05/13/Lets-Not-Live-To-Die-but-Die-To-Live