#if you saw me change the caption like 3 times no u didnt

[oetscop]

you may visit his room.

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[parkjmini]

bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga  | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When’s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof 

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t  him uP 

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip” 

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne 

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered 

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC 

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh 

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist 

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print 

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls 

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink” 

���u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm 

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap 

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t 

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis 

calls girls mami or ma 

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM 

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease 

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance 

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage 

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy 

will never fail to compliment you when u look good 

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls 

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day 

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating 

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass 

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says 

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper 

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am 

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL 

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma 

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him 

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit 

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:” 

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u 

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK” 

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt 

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha 

smirks when you bend down to pick something up 

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???” 

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons 

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings 

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it 

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !! 

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK 

[jeontaeh]

〚THIRTY NINE〛

Jungkook got confronted by Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon a week later.

He was in the library during the study period, listening to Dolly Parton while doing math homework. Because nothing solved calculus like some good old country music! He was halfway done when he heard a clearing of a throat.

"Jeon." A voice came abruptly, and Jungkook took his earphone out and looked up, raising his eyebrow when he saw the three boys. Namjoon in his glasses, Yoongi with his disheveled shirt sticking out of his trousers, and Hoseok looking slightly nervous.

"What?" Jungkook asked, voice flat.

With everything that had been going on so far in the school year, three of his best friends suddenly shunning him and pretending like he never existed was one of the worst. He was close to them. Maybe not how close he was to Jimin, but it still counted.

They ate lunch together every single day. Jungkook used to help Yoongi with his Chemistry assignments. Hoseok used to call Jungkook 'Kookie Boy' and always grin when Jungkook scowled. Namjoon used to help Jungkook with his English homework, always ruffling his hair afterward.

To just... ignore him like that. To completely push him away and even actively make homophobic remarks towards him. It sucked.

"We wanted to talk to you." Hoseok stated, and Jungkook saw the orange haired boy and then bit his lip.

"Okay..." Jungkook trailed and then saw Namjoon sigh. "Jungkook- we came here to apologize. About being so... rude about the gay thing."

Jungkook stilled. He looked at them with widened eyes. Hoseok nodded. "We were assholes to you. You don't deserve that, Jungkook! I've been wanting to apologize for ages, honestly. It just... it occurred to us suddenly how badly we fucked up." Hoseok mumbled.

"Why now?" Jungkook asked, and then saw Yoongi give him a look.

"Yesterday at football practice- one of the guys made a homophobic comment towards Sehun. Sehun didn't say anything, but V got really mad and yelled at everyone. Said stuff about how we were being ignorant and shouldn't make jokes like these." Yoongi said, hands in pockets.

Jungkook stilled. "Oh." Jungkook said, looking down at his notebook.

"We're sorry. Truly. Jin also kind of beat our ass." Namjoon said, and Jungkook bubbled out a giggle. "So yeah. We don't expect you to forgive us-"

"I don't. Not instantly. But- but people make mistakes. And you guys are still young, so the earlier you decide to change, the better." Jungkook said, giving the boys a small smile. Hoseok and Namjoon smiled brightly, while Yoongi just gave him a small smile. "I forgive you guys."

"Yay!" Hoseok said, and then jumped into the seat beside him, startling Jungkook. "You look bored as fuck doing maths. Let me show you this new track the three of us have been working on-" Hoseok said, taking his phone out.

"You guys do music now?" Jungkook gasped, grinning. It made him realize he hadn't had a proper conversation with them for months. Random small words exchanged during classes and football practice didn't count.

"Yeah! We rap." Namjoon said, and Jungkook giggled. "Or at least we try to." Yoongi added.

"I'm sure you're great! Let me hear it-" Jungkook said, and then got lost in mindless chatter with the boys.

///

kth_v

240 likes, 80 comments kth_v whats up broski

view comments...

eka11 change the caption instantly

jiminpark hottie thottie

eka11 @jiminpark "straight"

oohsehun wow

kth_v @oohsehun ?

minahearts you look so good 😍

eka11 v is so fucking hot

jeonjungkooks eka thats literally mex

eka11 mine too jungkook u aint special

jiminpark yall weird as fuck

jiminpark but he's hot tho mmm im straight but wow

jeonjungkooks why tf did sehun comment 'wow'

eka11 because he has eyes

jiminpark yah no offence i know u hate v or whatever but like damn must've been fun having sex with him

eka11 it really was

jeonjungkooks yeah

jeonjungkooks anyways u guys are the worst best friends why are you bringing up how good my 'ex' looks when im BOYCOTTING him

jiminpark sorry 👉🏻👈🏻

eka11 was he fun to top

jeonjungkooks i didnt?? top him?? why would i? im a Bottom 😙

jiminpark i know i saw the disposable vaginal douche in the garbage

eka11 omg i use that

jeonjungkooks omg wig

eka11 anyways wbk you're a bottom hows sehun been... is he still like 'fuck me daddy i'll be ur good little boy and take ur fat cock'

jeonjungkooks sehun has never said those words ever in his entire existence in humanity

jeonjungkooks and anyways idk we haven't had sex for a while

jiminpark 👀

jeonjungkooks like it just gets awkward so i just suck him off or something :/

eka11 no offense but why are u still dating him

eka11 he deadass cheated on u lmaooo

jiminpark didnt u cheat on like all of your boyfriends

eka11 this isnt about me

jeonjungkooks because he came over after that whole fiasco and i was crying he kind of comforted me and stuff and kept apologizing he told me that he was scared i dont like him back

jiminpark you dont

jeonjungkooks and idk i just had some fam issues so i was being mean to everyone sorry <3

eka11 its okay bby

eka11 but break up with sehun

jeonjungkooks i dont want to hurt him again! wait he texted me one sec

oohsehun babe there's a spring prom coming up omg lets go! matching clothes and all

jeonjungkooks we'll get bullied

oohsehun true

jeonjungkooks but sure sehunnie <3

oohsehun <3 <3 <3

///

"10-minute water break!" Coach announced, and the boys scurried off the field and towards the benches to go drink water. Taehyung heard him, but didn't care. He glared at the red circle on the goal post in front of him. He needed to hit the target at least once.

Taehyung hit the ball hard, fast. All the boys watched as the ball went straight towards the center of the goal, but missed the target by half an inch. The boys all gasped at how close he was, but Taehyung groaned to himself, crouching down and breathing heavily.

"V go get water. Don't exert yourself," Coach said, and Taehyung grumbled under his breath and stood up to walk over to the benches. The boys were all talking. Taehyung picked his water bottle and squeezed it tightly, squirting the water into his mouth.

"That's what good pussy tastes like."

"God, shut up." Taehyung begged Jackson, who huffed and turned away.

"Are you guys going for that Spring Prom shit?" Yoongi asked the guys, who hummed, some sounding annoyed. "Yeah. My girlfriend's making me. I rather stay in and fuck, but-"

"Tell me about it, bro. Talked to this girl one fucking time and suddenly I'm her boyfriend. She's making me go too. But we might have sex after, so I'm doing it." Another guy said.

"I'm going with Jungkook." Sehun said off-handedly, looking into space. Taehyung ignored how those simple words made it feel like someone straight up STABBED him.

"Dude... y'know ever since I've stopped thinking being gay was weird.... I realized liking dudes isn't much different than liking girls. Like, there are some dudes who are like... hella cute and shit. But I don't wanna date 'em. Y'know?" Jackson voiced. The boys snickered, some grimaced as if saying we don't know.

"You're probably just bicurious." Taehyung mumbled, and the guys looked at him, saw him wiping his sweat off with a towel. "Like you're straight but are into having sex with dudes too."

"Woah. That's a thing? Holy shit, I've been confused as fuck these past few weeks." Jackson gasped, and Taehyung hummed.

Sehun suddenly got up and left. Taehyung ignored him. He heard a gasp. "What does it mean if I like dick in my mouth?"

"You're fucking gay Bambam."

"Would you guys ever hook up with a dude? Like, for experimentation and shit?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin hummed. "Yeah. I wouldn't mind. How do I know I don't like it if I've never tried it?"

"Just like I know I wouldn't like your mom's pussy in my face."

"Fuck you."

"I guess I'd only hook up with a dude if I was really really into him. Not just like that." Mark mumbled, sounding weary.

"What about you, V?" Jin asked, looking at him. Taehyung looked at him, casually. He opened his mouth to speak. Right when he was about to-

"Guys Jungkook got us cookies," Sehun said brightly.

Taehyung didn't hear. "Nah I'd never fuck a dude. That's fucking gay, bro. I'm not into that kind of-"

Jimin coughed VERY loudly. Taehyung turned and saw Jungkook right behind him. Taehyung widened his eyes.

"Oh." Taehyung let out. Jungkook looked in disbelief. Taehyung's breath hitched. "Hey, um-"

"Seriously?" Jungkook asked, voice small. "Still?"

"Jungkook-" Taehyung tried, but Jungkook just snickered humorlessly and then moved away from Taehyung, grabbing Sehun.

"Meet me after practice." Jungkook said softly, and then kissed him on the mouth and turned around by the hell, walking away. Taehyung saw him walking away and sighed.

Jimin walked up to Taehyung after Sehun walked away, oblivious. Jimin looked at Taehyung. "How the fuck do you further fuck up something already so fucked up?"

"I don't know." Taehyung breathed out, and Jimin just shook his head, letting the boy deal with this mess himself. Taehyung saw Jungkook walk off the field as if he was disappointed, but not surprised.

"Boys, back on the field. Last one here has to take 3 laps-" Coach began, and all the boys got up and ran. Taehyung walked slowly, knowing he'd end up doing laps anyway because he stays back after practice to practice more these days.

"Okay boys. We've been target practicing to perfect our kick. And, I'll be honest, ya'll suck." Coach said, and the boys hung their heads low. "Like WOW. None of you hit the target even ONCE."

Taehyung pushed past the group of boys huddled in a circle and faced the open goal post which had the red circle in front of it. Still? Jungkook's words rang in his head. Taehyung saw the ball in front of it, and then took a few steps back.

Taehyung clenched his jaw and locked his ankle, eyes boring into the ball in front of him. He took a chaste step forward, hitting his planter foot to the right of the ball. His foot needed to control how the ball moved, rather than letting the ball control his foot-

Taehyung kicked the ball forcefully, feeling the power gliding smoothly down his calf to his foot as it merged with the ball and sent it spiralling towards the net. It hit the target perfectly.

The boys saw that and started clapping and shouting, some telling the coach that he took the L. Coach watched Taehyung and smirked, and Taehyung turned around and saw the boys.

"You're seriously as good as the pros," Youngjae said excitedly.

"We're so going to win our next match!" Hoseok said, jumping up and down.

Sehun suddenly shouted. Everyone froze and looked at him. Sehun groaned, putting his hands on his face.

"What're you doing, Coach?" Sehun asked, voice low. "Why'd you make me Captain?" Sehun asked wearily. Everyone widened their eyes, and Taehyung tensed.

"You alright kid?" Coach asked, and Sehun shook his head. He shook his head and then reached his hands behind his back and took his jersey off. He took the red material off and then chucked it on the floor.

"I don't want to be captain anymore. Not when V's clearly so much fucking better than me. It's not fair to him nor to the team." Sehun snapped, and Taehyung was frozen, eyes wide.

"Oh." Taehyung breathed out. Sehun was shirtless now, and breathed heavily. "I don't want to take something away from someone if it clearly belongs to them. And the position of Captain clearly belongs to you," Sehun said, and picked his jersey up and handed it to Taehyung.

"This is... really. Really fucking sick, dude." Taehyung said softly, in awe. "Fuck. I could kiss you right now." Taehyung grumbled to himself.

"R-really?" Sehun asked, eyes growing wide, glittering, cheeks turning a bit pink. Taehyung frowned at that.

"What? No. It was a fucking hyperbole- anyways! Thank you, Sehun. But I don't think Coach can-" Taehyung began, and then he heard a groan.

"Come on, coach! V should be Captain again! He's nice now, too! He apologised to Youngjae."

"He did WHAT?! Holy shit, he has changed!" Coach gasped, and then looked at Taehyung, who was gulping. "Look, kid. I have to discuss this with the principal-"

"Becoming Captain would help me get into a good school, coach." Taehyung said softly, hands coiled, eyes big. He reminded the coach of the kid he met four years ago, with ruffled brown hair and big brown saddened eyes, just sticking through because of the determination and passion he had for football.

"Jeez. Okay, um- I'll hold a vote tomorrow. After discussing it with the principal." Coach promised, patting Taehyung's back. "Now get back to practice!"

Taehyung smiled, and looked at Sehun, snickering. "You taking your shirt off was useless, by the way. This jersey has your name on it. Plus I still have my Captain's jersey-"

"It still made the statement though- you can't deny that." Sehun said, and then tugged his jersey back on.

"Thanks." Taehyung mumbled, looking away. He could never looked someone in the eyes while saying something nice to them.

"No problem. Consider it an apology for what I did... before." Sehun mumbled, and then chuckled awkwardly and ran away, flustered. Taehyung sighed to himself, coiling his fists.

I'm in love with your boyfriend, Taehyung wanted to shout out. But he didn't. Instead, he felt something. Certain confident courage he'd always had coursing through his veins.

///

"I'm sorry," Taehyung said two days later to Jungkook, who he found alone in the washroom, standing in front of the mirror.

"I'm not the person you should be apologizing to." Jungkook said softly, and then turned around and walked away- and that was the only interaction they had.

And then two days after that, Taehyung lifted his head up and saw Jungkook standing in front of his food table.

"Yourself. Apologize to yourself." Jungkook stated simply. Taehyung was confused, but Jungkook turned around and left, leaving him like that, with only those few words to hang on by.

The week passed like that. With a certain fog in Taehyung's mind. He thought about what Jungkook said. Apologize to yourself. He didn't quite understand. He wanted to know more, but Jungkook did tell him to leave him alone.

Taehyung saw Jungkook by the lockers and walked up to him, opening the locker beside him (even though it was Yoongi's, but, whatever) and hesitated.

"Why can't things go back to normal?" Taehyung asked aloud.

"I don't know what normal is with you." Jungkook said, and then walked past him. Taehyung closed his locker in front of him, leaning against it and sighing out.

Their next conversation was the night before the prom.

"Will you ever forgive me for hurting you?" Taehyung asked, standing by the water fountain. Jungkook was also by the water fountain, and Taehyung saw his fingers tighten around the ceramic sink.

"I already have." Jungkook breathed out softly, and then leaned down to the water fountain to get water between his pretty lips.

"Why're you with Sehun?" Taehyung asked, puzzled, leaning against the pillar which was attached to the water fountain/

"I like him."

"You don't."

"You sound quite certain for someone who's so shit with their feelings." Jungkook said sharply, and then brought his head up to look at Taehyung, who had a blank expression on his face. "Sorry," Jungkook said quicker, turning around and walking away, again.

The night of the prom arrived.

Taehyung stood in front of his mirror, looking at himself. He was wearing a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, making his veins prominent. Along with that, he wore black trousers. It was simple, but honestly, he was only going because Yoongi promised he'd give him weed after.

He heard a sharp knock on the door. Taehyung was confused as to who would come to his dorm, and opened the door, and saw Eka and Jimin. Taehyung's eyebrow rose at them.

"You guys look good. Shit, is it so fancy?" Taehyung asked, annoyed. Eka was wearing a tight silver dress, short and lifting her boobs up, her eyeliner sharp and lipstick black. Jimin had his hair swept back, showing his forehead. He was wearing a red suit.

"It is. You're not wearing that." Eka said, turning Taehyung around and pushing him into his bedroom.

"I literally don't give a fuck about this prom. I'm single and sad and want to get high." Taehyung protested.

"What the fuck is on your head," Jimin stated while looking up at Taehyung. Taehyung sighed. "It's a Gucci headband. I like wasting my dad's money."

"Understandable. Put this on." Eka said, having opened Taehyung's closet and taken out a black suit jacket. She handed it to Taehyung, who rolled his eyes and shrugged the suit jacket on.

"Here." Jimin said, picking out a Rolex watch from his desk and handing it to him. Taehyung wrapped it around his wrist, and then snickered to himself. "What?" Jimin asked, and Taehyung shook his head.

("You look hot as fuck in a suit." Jungkook said, eyes wide as he wrung his fingers around Taehyung's wrist. "C-can you fuck me with it on?"

"I can and I will.")

"Nothing. Just reminiscing the past." Taehyung said, and Eka huffed. "Dramatic bitch. Now come on." Eka said, walking out of Taehyung's dorm.

"You look hot as fuck, Eka." Taehyung said, putting his hands in his pocket. "In a friend kinda way."

"Thanks. I know." Eka said, and Taehyung snickered. Jimin eyed him and glared. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

They walked to the sports hall, where the Spring Prom was taking place. The student council went overboard with this Prom stuff. Decorating the hallways weeks before. Putting big banners which said 'SPRING PROM!' on them. Announcing it every goddamn day on the speakers.

When they walked into the sports hall, they saw it completely decorated. The sides of the walls were lined with paper mache trees which had pink blossoms on it. It looked pretty. Taehyung couldn't remember what the room looked like before, in fact. The tables on the side were lined with food and drinks. No alcohol, but someone always snuck it in. Teachers stood by the side, talking to themselves and looking around to make sure no one was doing anything wrong. There was a stage against the wall, some music nerds standing on it, playing music for the event. Everyone who went to the school was there, practically. People were dancing, talking with their friends, or just having a good time.

"Wow," Eka murmered, and the three walked into the room, looking around. Taehyung was bored already. "Why'd you guys come to my room by the way? Did you, like, know I was going to underdress?"

"No. You've just been upset for the past few... weeks. We were making sure you were actually coming. Yoongi told us about how he made you believe he had weed-"

"He was lying? Motherfucker. I'm leaving." Taehyung said, turning around sharply. The moment he did, he froze.

Jungkook stood by the entrance, looking around with his big curious eyes. He looked nervous, palpable hesitance showing from his stance. He was wearing a silky white shirt which was tucked into his tight black trousers, accentuating his waist. He wore a floral suit jacket and a choker.

"Wow," Taehyung let out this time, already feeling his insides going weak. Taehyung didn't see Eka and Jimin beside him give each other a knowing look, and then look ahead at Jungkook, who spotted the three.

"Hi!" Jungkook said, smiling and running up to them, looking less tense when he saw them. "Y-you said to meet me by the entrance." Jungkook said softly.

Taehyung wanted to give him a thousand kisses. "Sorry, Kookie. We came in. Doesn't this place look beautiful?" Jimin asked.

"Yeah! They're really going deep with this spring theme thingy," Jungkook giggled. Taehyung wanted to give him a million kisses now.

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, and tensed. Taehyung didn't know why. It was probably his presence. So Taehyung just gave the boy a small smile and turned around to walk away and find the other guys.

Jungkook, meanwhile, let out a small sigh. "He looks so good." Jungkook murmered to himself, voice gentle. "I wish he didn't."

"I know, baby. Don't think about him, okay?" Eka said, and Jungkook nodded. "Where's Sehun?" Eka asked, looking around.

"I'm here, bitches." Sehun said, and Jungkook looked at him and then rose his eyebrows. Sehun was in a bright blue suit and a black shirt and tie, smirking at them.

"Hey babe," Jungkook said to Sehun, who walked over to him, leaning down to kiss his mouth. Jungkook turned his head so Sehun could kiss his cheek instead. Sehun did, and then leaned back, scowling.

"You look... nice." Jungkook said.

"You too." Sehun mumbled. Jimin sighed, breathing out from the heavy tension in the room.

"Wow. Okay- um! Let's dance!"

The four began dancing away. Jennie, Jisoo, Lisa, and Rose joined the four, along with Yugyeom and Bambam. Jimin looked to Rose with a small smile, dancing closer to her. Jungkook was having fun, until he felt his hips being grabbed.

Jungkook got dragged to a body, and then realised Sehun had his chest pressed against his back. "You look pretty." Sehun said, kissing his neck, rolling his hips onto his back. Jungkook smiled at him, dancing back.

Sehun turned the boy around and then grabbed his waist. He reached down, kissing Jungkook's lips. Jungkook pulled away and then looked to the other side so Sehun wouldn't do that again.

"What's wrong?" Sehun asked, frowning. Jungkook shook his head, giving Sehun a smal smile. "Nothing," Jungkook reassured, putting his hands on Sehun's arms.

Jungkook looked to the side and saw Taehyung, leaning again a wall, sulking. Taehyung shifted his eyes around the room and then caught them with Jungkook's. Jungkook felt Sehun tighten his grip on his waist, and Jungkook just looked at Taehyung.

Sehun kissed Jungkook's jaw. "Do you wanna go to my room after this?"

Jungkook saw Taehyung give him a certain look. Jungkook wanted to move his eyes away, but couldn't. Suddenly, he felt a jolt through his body and turned his head, eyes widened when he was pushed back.

"What's your problem?" Sehun snapped, and Jungkook stilled. Sehun looked annoyed, eyes darkened, eyebrows furrowed.

"Nothing! I-" Jungkook began, but then saw his friends looking at the two weirdly. Sehun must've seen the same, because he grabbed Jungkook by the forearm and dragged him out of the sports hall.

Jungkook stumbled after him. "Se-Sehun-" Jungkook said, and then suddenly felt a shift as he moved out of the loud pink lightened room into the dark, vacant hallway. Sehun pulled him till the side and then let him go.

"What is it? You've been weird since we started dating- so fucking on and off. One second you want me, and another you're weirded out and want me to go away. I'm just trying to wrap my fucking head around all this, Jungkook- because- because you say you want me, but-"

"I'm sorry, o-okay? There's just a lot of things that have been going on-" Jungkook stammered.

"Then talk to me about them! I've asked you to at least try and open up to me so many times! But you just refuse to! Is it something wrong with me?" Sehun asked, frowning.

"N-no. No, you're perfect-" Jungkook said softly.

Sehun looked helpless. "Then what is it? Why did you get back together with me if you were going to treat me like shit after? You were so rude to me, and don't even talk to me sometimes when we're with Eka and Jimin. It's really awkward, Jungkook, to pretend I'm alright-"

"I'm sorry!" Jungkook cried out, and then stopped, looking at Sehun with watery eyes. The way Sehun was describing him reminded Jungkook of Taehyung.

"I-I'm sorry for- for being so weird. I just- I-I don't know, Sehun. I want to like you, I r-really do. I just can't fucking get over someone and it's r-ruining everything for me. I'm sorry." Jungkook let out, voice bubbly, as if close to crying.

Sehun tensed, and then looked down at his shoes, gulping a lump in his throat. "It's V, isn't it?"

Jungkook began crying, reaching his hands to his face to stop them, to try his hardest to stop them. Jungkook shook his head. "N-no. I don't- I am over him. I am."

"You like him." Sehun said, looking away. "He likes you too-"

"No Sehun. He d-doesn't. He just wants to have sex with me, that's all-" Jungkook tried, but Sehun snickered, looking away.

"That night. That night when we first had sex. When you left suddenly to comfort V- did you two do anything?" Sehun asked, fingers coiled. Jungkook sniffled. "Because the next day you were all fucking over him-"

"Sehun-"

"So he wants you for sex, huh? And you're still hung over him? Even though you have guys who like you for you?" Sehun asked, and Jungkook looked down, clenching his fists and shutting his eyes. "That's pretty fucking pathetic, Kook."

"I know. Stop telling me, p-please." Jungkook tried, and Sehun tsked.

"I don't want to be rude. You just made me feel so fucking shit for the past few weeks. If you just told me I was a fucking rebound for an asshole-"

"Y-you w-weren't-"

"-I wouldn't have ever asked you out. You probably just did it to make him jealous. I'm so fucking stupid." Sehun muttered under his breath, looking away. "Well, honestly- I don't care much. You're hung over a dude who's probably going to slap you across the face when you say no to him-"

"He wouldn't!" Jungkook cried, tears rushing down his face. Sehun looked at him, pausing. "H-he wouldn't fucking do that! You don't know him, no one does! I don't either, o-okay? I thought I did- I-I thought I knew him, b-but I don't! And I'm still in love with him, i-is that what you want me to tell you?" Jungkook shouted, voice breaking.

"I f-fell in love for a guy who doesn't give ha-half a shit about me. And I'm sorry." Jungkook squeaked out weakly. Sehun let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Jungkook felt the warm tears running down his face and put his hand over his mouth, shoulders trembling.

"I'm sorry. I-I need to go. I'll ask Jimin and Eka to come here-" Sehun said, and Jungkook didn't care, just slid down the wall, sitting down on the floor like the fucking mess he was- tears running down his face.

Jungkook sat there for a bit, crying softly. He felt the same feeling he had back when Taehyung told him he didn't mean anything to him. When Jungkook found him sleeping with Eka, and Taehyung slammed the door in his face. So fucking hurt.

"Kookie," A soft voice came, and Jungkook looked up.

Taehyung had his eyes big, looking at the pretty boy on the floor, tears in his eyes and stains of it weaving a path down his cheeks. Taehyung had one hand in his pocket, heart thudding as he crouched down to face him.

"K-Kookie, you-"

"Don't." Jungkook said, and then closed his eyes. Taehyung didn't push him. He just looked at him. "P-please. Leave me be."

"Not when you're like this, I can't." Taehyung said softly.

"God f-fucking damnit, Taehyung- stop pretending you c-care about me! You'll j-just lead me on to hurt me again. You don't know how I felt for those two months w-we spent together, Tae. You don't. Just. Please go." Jungkook said meekly, sniffling and looking up at the ceiling.

"I-I do care." Taehyung said, but he sounded hesitant, and it made Jungkook chuckle.

"You still think you're straight, Tae." Jungkook let out, voice weak. "You're far from being able to care about me."

Taehyung froze. He looked at Jungkook, who stood up from the floor, eyes slightly red from the tears. Taehyung's breath hitched, and then he let out- "I-I'm so fucking scared, Kookie. I'm not as- as brave as you. I never will be."

"T-then come meet me when you are." Jungkook stated, and then left, leaving Taehyung in the hallway.

Jungkook walked back in the sports hall, probably to tell Jimin and Eka of where he was, they were probably worried. Taehyung tightened his fists. He couldn't describe it. Couldn't describe the absolute fear that reaped through his body at the thought of-

At the thought of what?

Was it of everyone finding out?

Was that what he was afraid of?

Or was it something bigger than that? His mother, his father, what they'd taught him. What his mother had left him with. That fear that he was doing what she would've resented.

But at the fleeting moment, at that split second, that passing of time when the moon glowed outside like a watchful guardian- Taehyung realized. He rose to his feet, standing up. His heart drummed loudly against his chest, as if on beat, heightening his senses and telling him to hurry up. He was running out of time.

Taehyung took a step forward, towards the sports hall. Jungkook. His beautiful eyes, how they looked like they'd been dipped in honey and the core of sunlight. How his giggles sounded like that of harmonious angels. How his smile would always make Taehyung feel so much... better.

Something he hadn't felt since his mother had died. A sense of belonging. Home.

Taehyung walked towards the sports hall and entered it, seeing people still dancing, some chill song playing. Taehyung couldn't find Jungkook. His heart was racing. His anxiety was brimming at the bottom of his stomach.

He felt, at that moment, like he could do anything.

Taehyung felt absolute impulse take him over. Adrenaline started pumping down his body, the same he felt at football matches. This felt like a football match, except the goal was something different, and his aim was fucking terrible.

Taehyung let go. He ran straight forward and jumped onto the stage, startling the dudes in the band. They all looked at Taehyung, who carelessly grabbed the microphone from the lead singer, some kid from the grade below. The kid looked annoyed, but Taehyung mumbled "It'll only take a minute."

The band stopped playing, and everyone groaned, annoyed that the music stopped. Taehyung cleared his throat into the microphone, and then took a deep breath. "Shut up!" Taehyung shouted loudly, and everyone in the room shook.

Everyone went silent and turned to look at him with wide eyes, as if wondering why the fuck he was yelling while standing on a stage. Taehyung looked around, and then spotted Jungkook. The boy was facing away, grabbing his phone and trying to walk over to the exit.

"Wait." Taehyung said, and Jungkook paused and looked at him, a blank expression on his face. He looked annoyed.

Taehyung looked around. "Hi guys." Taehyung said, seeing all these kids he'd seen every day for the past three years. "This- this prom is cool, right? Like the- um- flowers and stuff." Taehyung stammered, and then cleared his throat.

"Okay. Hello. I've never formally introduced myself. Most of you know me as V. Captain of the football team." Taehyung said, and saw Sehun in the back of the room, frowning as well. Taehyung took a deep breath, seeing all the students looking at him with wide eyes. "But- but most of you don't know my real name."

Taehyung gulped. "I'm Taehyung. Kim Taehyung." Taehyung said, and there was a hushed whisper that fell across the room. He'd never said his full name out loud like this.

"Most of you know me as that asshole that bullies you, probably. Fair enough. I've made mistakes. A lot of them." Taehyung said. "I don't expect to be forgiven. I just want you to know I'm trying. And I'm changing, and growth is- is normal. It's normal." Taehyung said, nodding.

Everyone looked confused, still. They wanted to start dancing again, probably. But most actually looked intrigued, never having seen the guy speak more than 3 words at best which weren't insults.

"I'm standing here right now because I made a mistake. A really big one." Taehyung said, shaking his head. "I hurt someone. Badly. I hurt someone over and over again, and I shouldn't have. By the time I realized how much the person meant to me, it was too late." Taehyung mumbled, and everyone looked more confused.

Taehyung looked around, and then spotted Jungkook standing beside his friends, just the hint of confusion on his face. Not like the others, though. A more of disbelief.

Taehyung scratched his head, and then sighed loudly. "God, there's so many of you. I swear it's like the new crop of freshmen are, like, so goddamn small. I was so much taller when I was your age, what the hell-" Taehyung mumbled, and then looked around, hearing some laughs.

"I'm rambling, fuck. Shit! Sorry, forgot I couldn't swear. Ah damn, I swore again. Fuck-" Taehyung began, and then hit his head with the mic, and looked ahead, taking a deep breath.

Fuck it. Nothing matters. Not as much as him. Nothing has ever mattered as much as he has. "I'm sort of in love with someone." Taehyung let out, and there were gasps that spread across the room.

Taehyung couldn't see Jungkook's eyes- didn't want to, in fact. "I'm sort of, really, really fucking madly in love with someone. And that someone is standing here right now, and god-" Taehyung let out a chuckle, covering his face. "You'd never think I'd be the type to- to stand on a goddamn stage in the middle of what looks like actual fairy shit and confess my love to someone, but-"

Taehyung looked ahead, and then found Jungkook. Jungkook had his eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. Taehyung smiled. "You change me." Taehyung said, words soft. "You m-make me... a better version of myself. I'm not mean when I'm with you. I'm not sad. I'm not an asshole. You make me study harder, you make me play harder, you make me... harder." Taehyung said the last part, and then started laughing.

"Shit- I just realised there's, like, 200 other people in here. I'm kidding! Don't have sex till marriage! Or, do. I don't know. Sorry Ms. Yang!" Taehyung said, and everyone started laughing. Fuck, he was going crazy. He couldn't get a hold of himself, but suddenly- suddenly it felt like he was so free. So free, so free from everything that's ever been holding him back-

"You know what else?" Taehyung asked, looking around the room. "I'm bisexual!" Taehyung shouted out, and everyone shut up real fast.

Literally EVERYONE's eyes widened and jaws dropped. Girls he'd slept with looked surprised, guys he'd bullied looked mad, people who didn't know him looked shocked. His own friends looked the most shocked.

"Yeah! I like girls, and I like guys. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like, at all. Wow. Oh my god. I said it out loud." Taehyung let out, whispered. "Fuck, okay. Shit. Yeah. It's out there. I'm bisexual. I'm bi-fucking-sexual. I'm so fucking bisexual. Wow. WOW-"

"Dude. The teachers are gonna cut the sound off any minute. Stop swearing." The lead singer dude whispered, and Taehyung nodded.

"Oh- okay okay. Sorry. No more swearing." Taehyung agreed, and then looked ahead and saw Jungkook standing behind Jimin, looking nervous, eyes wide, hands bunched up into fists.

Taehyung looked around. "I've never spoken so much. I just- I can't believe this. I feel so free, y'know? Like- like I'm high as hell, but sober. Not that I know what being high feels like, Ms. Yang don't worry." Taehyung reassured, laughing.

"Who are you in love with?" A voice shouted from the audience, and Taehyung looked.

Taehyung gulped. He leaned into the mic. "A boy." He whispered, and gasps spread across the room again. Taehyung giggled at how surprised everyone looked. "I'm so in love with him, you guys. He's the prettiest boy in the whole goddamn world. Maybe universe. Haven't seen aliens yet. Actually- scratch that. He's the prettiest boy in the universe."

Jungkook hid behind Jimin properly now, hands covering his face, his whole body trembling lightly. Taehyung gulped. Here goes.

"I'm Kim Taehyung." Taehyung said, voice clear. "I'm bisexual." Taehyung said, and then smiled. "And I'm so goddamn in love with Jeon Jungkook."

People literally started screaming. Jungkook squeaked out in surprise and got pushed out into the center by Jimin and Eka, who both looked thrilled as hell. Jungkook still had his face covered, because everyone was looking at him, eyes wide, mouths wider.

"He's WHAT?!" Yoongi shouted from the side, slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Oh my fucking god." Jin whispered, eyes wide. "Oh my god oh my GOD-"

"Guys someone drugged Taehyung and put him on that stage." Namjoon said. It was the only explanation.

"This is brilliant." Yugyeom whispered, eyes glazed. Bambam grimaced. "I fucking knew it. He always looked at him weird."

Taehyung looked at Jungkook, heart racing rapidly, stomach making a thousand turns a second. "Baby?" Taehyung said softly, not caring how that made everyone go even more in shock. "I-I can see you, you know that, right?" Taehyung chuckled fondly.

Jungkook put his hands down, blushing brightly. His eyes were filled with tears, fists clenched beside him. People had moved out of the way, so there was a clear spacing between the stage and where Jungkook was stood, so the boys could see each other clearly.

"Jeon Jungkook." Taehyung whispered into the mic. "I know- I know I'm the biggest douchebag you ever met. I hurt you. I was an asshole." Taehyung said, suddenly growing fearful. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby." Taehyung said, voice weak.

Jungkook just sniffled from where he was stood, cheeks so pink and fists so tightly clenched that he couldn't speak. Everyone was staring between him and Taehyung in awe, surprised, shocked, just couldn't believe that V, the homophobic fuck boy captain of the football team- was out here passionately declaring his love for a boy.

"R-right before I got on this stage, I thought about how you came out to everyone. Always so ridden by impulse, my Jungkookie," Taehyung said with a small fond smile, and people aww'ed. Jungkook bit his lip, looking down.

"So, I'm going to ask this. I'm really really really fucking scared." Taehyung admitted, and then took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

Be brave. Taehyung opened his eyes. "Jeon Jungkook?" Taehyung whispered, voice barely coherent. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647264967393984512/forty

[leesungjongg]

BTIMFL Review

This is long and it goes from Negative to Positive, and then to Negative... and then to Positive. I guess you’ll see if you decide to read it. Also it’s very long. warning. Also it’s disorganized and i don’t have time to spam the drama for now but i will later just a warning ok also spoilers and this is just my opinion you don’t have to agree with it. here it is:

warning: rape mention. there was an attempted rape in the drama itself and i talk a little bit about it near the end of the review. just so u know

It was an okay drama. I probably wouldn’t watch it again though, because there were a lot of things that I still had questions about and although the ending was nice, it was not that great, in my opinion. When I was reading the captions/subtitles when Jiho was talking (whether it was the background voice or just her speaking), half the time I ended up not even understanding anything she was saying and I started zoning out .-. Of course, there were cute scenes and scenes that made me smile. There were also scenes where it hurt my heart and I teared up at (like when Sooji’s mom told her that her legs were holding Sooji back from being with her boyfriend LIKE THAT SCENE UGH. MY HEART.) Cute scenes where Jiho was smiling and everything made me really happy :’))))) honestly idek why she decided to terminate the contract bc she twisted and turned with her words so much that i got lost and i was like man, i need a new GPS system. Anyways. The characters were great! The plot? the storyline...???? idk. the scenes also cut off weirdly. everything about this drama is weird. even the whole contract that Sehee and Jiho made to live together/get married and have like nothing else... that was weird. I told my friend and she was like “marriages are more like contracts of loyalty rather than contracts of businesses” and although it wasn’t a business... it wasn’t... i guess it was for loyalty? man idek what im talking about. it was weird that’s all i have to say. what really tugged my heartstrings was when Jiho came back and Sehee was like “no ur just a dream, this is so cruel. but i love this dream, please never leave” aND LIKE JIHO SAW HIM CRY LIKE BRUHHHHHH SAME HERE MAN I WAS LIKE UGHFHFHHHHH JIHO!!!!! my love :( seriously... Jiho... idk who plays Jiho but i remembered her from D Day and in this drama she looks so beautiful. ok here comes the positives im so excited. the lighting... especially the lighting when it came onto Jiho’s eyes (or anyone’s really) WAS SO. PRETTY. WTFFFFFFF honestly she’s so beautiful. I loved her hairstyle, I want to draw her. I suck at drawing but literally @Jiho ur my muse now. i loved the hair and makeup and the lighting so soooo much in the drama. I loved Jiho’s pink coat at the end of the drama, and I surprisingly liked her wedding gown at the beginning of the drama when they first got married. I love Jiho’s shy smiles, she looked like an actually bunny!!! I love everything about her! ok maybe im talking about the actress more than the character BUT STILL. she’s so pretty ;(( Sehee’s pretty cool. Everytime he made a facial expression, I found it hilarious bc he was always keeping the same face in every episode. Idk how he did it. but he’s amazing. i loved when CEO Ma came up behind him and was about to surprise him but then he said Jungmin? AND SEHEE LITERALLY SCREAMED AND ALMOST KILLED CEO MA ok maybe not that far but he almost whacked him in the face lol. the way he got surprised made me laugh. throughout most of the drama though, he had red eyes and from my experience, everytime i’ve had red eyes is when i havent slept enough... i hope the actor who plays him gets a lot more sleep :( CEO Ma. I love him so much. One of my favorite characters. He was so pure honestly and he deserved everything. I’m glad he was there for Sooji, and everything he did for her. It was weird because Sooji didnt want him to intrude on her life but he did it anyway, and in such a romantic way too? I thought he’d be somewhat annoying about it but he was sincere and such a gentleman. Love u CEO Ma. Please continue on your being nice path. Sooji. Very harsh, difficult... she scared me at times. But I loved how badass she was. i would probably be afraid to approach her but i would love to have her as a friend. she’s tough, but sometimes i think she needs a break from life ;( glad she started her own business and quit her job (even though i would’ve loved to see her quit sooner and have a flourishing business) Wonseok.... and Horang :(((((((((((( SERIOUSLY RELATIONSHIP GOALS. Despite the arguing THEY WERE SO CUTE TOGETHER. I loved them so much. It was so weird when they broke up and it felt so wrong, but they got back together in the end... it was weird. like i said, this whole drama is weird. BUT MINSEOK PLAYED IN THIS AHHHH GOOD JOB MINSEOK!!!! Horang is literally gorgeous. so so beautiful, and her smile BLINDS you, god. she’s so pretty. Overall, this drama was okay. ALSO OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION Bok Nam. he’s kinda cute. i wished Lee Hyunwoo played him. he’s adorable in my eyes. Bok Nam was really fishy at the start with him knowing everything SO I WAS SO SURPRISED WHEN HE WASNT THE KIDNAPPER WTF? dude u played that part so well, good JOB. i fell for it. we all fell for it. anyways, at the beginning the drama, Jiho was in a group where she was the assistant writer and honestly i didnt understand anything that she went through with her writing and stuff, all i know is that 1) she wasnt enjoying her position because the other writer kept crossing everything out on her story and making it her own, 2) the guy who had flirted with her for three years and got a FRICKING GIRLFRIEND ended up almost raping her while he was drunk like you deserve to eat dirt. good bye. glad Se hee kicked his ass at the end of the drama (which also made me angry because WOW. it took THIS long for him to come and apologize AND THAT HE SAID HE DIDNT MEAN TO?? WHAT?!!?! son u had every intention of doing that to her that night dont u even dare cover it up with any bs excuse, ur poop now) and to bring back the third point, 3) the writing team tried to get Jiho back WITH HER FRICKING RAPIST AND SHE DECLINED I WAS LIKE YES DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF YOU DESERVE BETTER IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! overall. it was an okay drama. didn’t like the almost rape part. didnt like how the scenes were cut weirdly. didnt like how the contract was made and how jiho explained her way of things (even towards the end, her mom was like “i dont understand you” or smth and i was like omfg same thank goodness im not the only one), and didnt like how jiho explained the divorce. but the scenes where you could see sehee and jiho get closer together (the kimchi and the ocean and the looking forward to seeing your husband on the bus, waiting for you, saving a seat for you like son....... that’s so cuTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! ALSO WOOSEOK AND HORANGS RELATIONSHIP. minus the bickering and the fact that Horang tried to change Wooseok.. being together 7 years and being happy for that long is amazing. i loved when wooseok called Horang Rang. it was so pretty. i love sooji’s and CEO MA OMG HE’S SO GREAT. I WOULD GIVE HIM EVERYTHING. So glad he was there for sooji. the characters and their relationships together were so great, i really liked it a lot. but the plot was just ahhh.... it could’ve been better. that’s all. i give it a 6.8/10. maybe a 7, but not quite a 7. thank u for reading. hope this mess makes sense :/

[mrpeteparker]

some kind of get to know you tag~~💖💖

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 

Tagged by @namjoonium thank u so much!!!!!!!!!

i’ll put it under the cut since its long 

THE LAST: 1. Drink: water lol 2. Phone call: my dad 3. Text message: a picture of BM w the caption “chloe i love this fuck boy 😭“ but imessage is off so shes not gonna get the text for 12 years  4. Song you listened to: Aze Gag - Mamamoo (im listening to it rn) 5. Time you cried: recently...... idk when tho?? 6. Dated someone twice: i went on two dates w a guy and they were bad? 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah lol  8. Been cheated on: nah boi i havent even gone out w someone long enough for them to cheat on me 9. Lost someone special: havent we all 10. Been depressed: incredibly sad and dejected, but not actually depressed 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i barely drink LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: purple, teal, red, silver IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! 16. Fallen out of love: gotta be in love first  17. Laughed until you cried: @sfthobii was talking about greek god!got7 and then i hit her back with 8 armed namjoon and it was like 4 in the morning, there were tears 18. Found out someone was talking about you: they probably have been but i havent heard about it 19. Met someone who changed you: hm... idk 20. Found out who your friends are: sure 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nah GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them 23. Do you have any pets: not anymore :/  24. Do you want to change your name: its not the ideal name but like i doubt id ever change it 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i believe i went out to eat w my friends and then we went to see a movie 26. What time did you wake up: 6:54 am, i didnt get outta bed till like 7:50 tho 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was asleep lol 28. Name something you can’t wait for: i just blanked on.... everything??? 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: uh lets see.... haha, I was seven sooooooooo, 15 years lol 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: man... a quick physical change would be great 31. What are you listening right now: As for me - mamamoo lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes i have one of my dad’s friends 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: lack of respect  34. Most visited Website: tumblr tragically 35. Mole/s: i have two on my face and some other ones all over 36. Mark/s: uh idk i have a ridiculous scar on my elbow 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a dog groomer and also a voice actor lol 38. Hair color: uh its like a fadding silvery blue rn  39. Long or short hair: longish on one side shorter on the other 40. Do you have a crush on someone: kim seokjin 41. What do you like about yourself: sometimes im funny 42. Piercings: nah 43. Bloodtype: my dad doesnt even know the answer to that 44. Nickname: alex i guess 45. Relationship status: i mean technically speaking single but emotionally speaking im married to kim seokjin  46. Zodiac: scorpio 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: u ever forget like every show youve ever watched?? 49. Tattoos: nah 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nope 52. Piercing: my ears were pierced when i was a kid but the skin grew over the piercings lol 53. Sport: blocked 55. Vacation: me, a person who is scared of travel, but would like to visit places  56. Pair of trainers: i have a pair of adidas sneakers that i love :’) but i mostly wear vans MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: ..... answer the next question? 61. Waiting for: a sense of purpose   62. Want: to get my shit together  63. Get married: to kim seokjin yes 64. Career: I want to be an author  WHICH IS BETTER?: 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs!!! 66. Lips or eyes: lips 67. Shorter or taller: the other person can be taller  68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms!!!! 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship probably 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: fictionally i love troublemakers but in real life its more of a hesitant thing lol HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: nah 75. Drank hard liquor: i dont think so 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope i dont wear em  77. Turned someone down: um.... kind of?? 78. Sex in the first date: haha nah 79. Broken someones heart: the guy i turned down seemed pretty into the idea of me even tho we barely knew each other so maybe  80. Had your heart broken: nah 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: when i was seven i would assume  83. Fallen for a friend: nah  DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: im working on it  85. Miracles: i dont know  86. Love at first sight: not really?? 87. Santa Claus: im sure hes out there somewhere  88. Kiss in the first date: yes 89. Angels: listen who tf knows right?  OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: chloe (gross dont look at this chloe) 91. Eyecolor: its like a green/brown kind of thing idk  92. Favorite movie: ah i love so many movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe scott pilgrim, nightmare on elm street, savages!?!??! ugh so many horrible movies that i love and also actually good movies that i love too 

Tagging: i cannot tag 20 people but i will try my best (also if i tag u u dont have to do it omf) @sfthobii @softproko @graywaeren @itsjinmin @aigoo @pyemul @minniejimin and anyone else who wants to do it omfg im so bad at tagging 

[me-importa-mother-blog]

it FINALLY fucking happened

i have a migraine and awful cramps from this stupid IUD rn but i have to get this out. i have to capture the authenticity of my feelings right now. it finally happened. i could cry happy tears because of how incredible and great i feel in this moment. brendon and darian are back together. i saw a pics of them on instagram w captions about how much they love each other and wanna know what i felt when i saw those pictures? fucking NOTHING. I FINALLY FEEL NOTHING. ok, i feel sad for them but thats honestly truly the only emotion that came up for me. i no longer feel the intense nausea, feeling like i am getting stabbed in the pit on my stomach, rush of emotions pouring over my entire body, ringing in my ears, dissosiation that i felt the first time i heard the words from his lips “i have a girlfriend now”. that feeling that didn’t seem to go away for MONTHS. that feeling that would resurface every time i looked at their social media and saw how fucking happy and perfect they were. it was fucking disgusting. i can finally say i don’t feel those feelings anymore and u know what that means? 

i means i have healed. it means i have moved on. it means I have successfully mended the broken pieces of my heart that he left me with. i did that. with the help of some loving and supportive friends, yes. but it was me. i’m the one that chose to live all those times i wanted to die, and i chose to pretend to be happy to the point that my bones hurt to their core because i was faking it so hard. i chose to move back home to something familiar and stable so i could feel safe, so i could get away from the torment of his memory, from the fear of running into her, or him, or worse the both of them together. 

at one point i felt that i gave everything i had built so hard for the past two years away. my life in california was ruined because of him. the reason i went out there in the first place to get clean back in april of 2014 was because he told me to. my body was deteriorating faster than i could keep track of and i mentioned, maybe i should move back to cali and get clean, and you should too and we can be together. and he told me to go out there so i fucking did. hes the reason, the motivation i had to get clean. everything i did from that point forward was for him or because of him or for us. so WE could live together happily for fucking forever. 

originally we had a plan to go to rehab for a bit then run away together but at some point something switched in me. i think it was god working in my life honestly. but at some point i decided u know what i wanna give this thing a shot. i wanna see what its like to be clean and happy and all that these weird ppl in AA rave about. and then he went down there from fresno and he got clean and holy shit that was the most incredible summer of my life. i wish i had pictures but i deleted probably 98% of them. but i had so many good times w him, riding my bike to the beach while he rode his skateboard. holding hands, going to meetings together. i was so fucking proud to tell everyone he was my boyfriend. i was so goddamn fucking in love. 

and now i’m crying, but not because i want to be with him. no, never. i’m crying because the happiness i felt was so pure and genuine and incredible and indescribable. i wouldnt change it for anything. if i could go back and relive those moments we shared that summer but i would have to relive the heartbreak again then i would probably do it. but i wouldnt change anything. i would relieve the good and the bad but i would want the result to be the same as what it is in this moment. hes with her and i’m with myself on my ellies bed in my parents house with rocky and luna sleeping at my feet. i don’t want to be with him anymore but i don’t regret what we had because it was true love and it was passionate and intense and a type of love i will never feel again. because it was extremely toxic. as intense as the good moments were so were the bad. and it got reeeeaaally bad.

he told me i deserved to be molested when i was 5. he told me this while we were in line for the screamin eagle at disneyland, because i was paying more attention to my phone than to him. he was upset and we got in an argument and thats what he said to me. that a fucking five year old deserved to get some creepy mother fuckers fingers in her asshole. real cute huh? but i’m not a saint. at some point i told him i’m glad his dad left him and that he probably did because he hated him cuz hes useless and that his mom is a slut cuz she has 4 baby daddies. i said some horrible things too that i’m not proud of but in those moments i felt so justified. as the anger wore off tho i felt guilty for saying those things, and so would he. so we would always make up. and thiings would be really good again until the next fight and shit would hit the fan. and then we started calling the cops on each other. he was never physically abusive to me, except one time he pinned me down like a pretzel cuz i was beating the living shit out of him. the position he had me in hurt a lot but he was protecting himself cuz i had lost it. i dont remember what that particular fight was about. the weather maybe? idk dude we would fight over the DUMBEST shit. 

i remember thinking and telling him, “if you act like a bitch u get treated like one”. which means youre a fucking dick to me so i’m a dick right back mother fucker. i ran him over w my car once. he smashed my phone to pieces cuz i searched a guy on facebook. he would go through my phone and find texts from months ago where i said a guy was hot and he would flip out call me a whore tell me nobody is ever gonna love me, and go spread my legs somewhere. he would accuse me of fucking literally EVERYONE. if i was off work 5 minutes late its because i was fucking my manager in the back. if i wasnt texting him back while i was w jenny or kolby its cuz i was fucking them. oh he hated all my friends also. and had no friends of his own. i was his whole world which really bugged me at the time but i lowkey miss that now. i miss feeling that important and special and loved. and i miss having that much power over someone, i’ll admit it. 

but despite all this bad shit there were good times, and they were really fucking good. specifically its the feelings. i felt safe with him. like nothing could ever hurt me or touch me, besides him. but i was addicted to the chaos so i didn’t mind the verbal and emotional abuse and i dished it right back. although lets be real here according to my sponsor, therapist, mentor, friends, anyone w a brain. he was definately the sicker one out of the two of us. we were both so fucking sick but i was a wee bit healthier i would say. there were so many times we would ride around costa mesa on harbor blvd at midnight complaining about how much it sucked to not have a car, or money, or anything. we had NOTHING. he really had nothing when he got there besides like 3 shirts and old pair of vans 2 sizes too small and shorts. i created him. everything he got from that point forward was from me. all of it. and there were weeks at a time where he had no money and he ate because i bought him food. not that he owes me anything or that he ever did, i did those things because i wanted to because i was in love and he was gonna be my life partner. everything i ever wanted i wanted with him or nobody else. anyway, we would be riding through the kmart parking lot on harbor and wilson, he would be coming w me to drop me off at fordham and we would complain about how much it fucking sucked but “one day we would look back on all of this and laugh.” because “one day were gonna make it” we said. we had so many hopes and dreams together. he was supposed to be my fucking husband. i was going to be the mother of all of his children. 

but you know what? it was all a fucking fantasy. a beautiful fantasy but a fantasy nonetheless. and after spending summer 2015 apart because he decided drugs were more important than me, we got back together in september and shit didnt get much better. it was a bit at times but mostly no. same shit. really intense good times. really intense bad times. passionate love, passionate hate. a couple days before new years 2015 going into 2016 we broke up for the last time. this is when he broke my phone cuz i searched jacob berry on fbook. after that i was done. i had been done thousands of times before but i was really done this time. we didn’t talk at all for like a week then i saw him on his birthday january 7th and we decided we were gonna get back together in august when he had a year sober. we werent gonna talk in the meantime but we were for sure getting back together. then one day i added a guy, kyle on facebook and he lost it. again with being called a slut and blah blah blah. and this time we were really done. like FORREAL. i was moving on everything was great blah blah. i dont think i actually thought i had lost him tho. it was gonna be like every other time where we will get back together again. so i wasnt really that sad. i think i was thriving off the anger i felt towards him. like are u seriously gonna be done w me over adding a dude???? how stupid. 

and then one day in late february my world came crashing down in the middle of the target electronics section. hannah texted or called me i cant remember but said she needed to tell me something. i demanded to know immedietally and she hesitated, i knew it was bad. she told me darian and brendon were talking. darian, my former client darian. darian, the girl who I TOLD STORIES ABOUT BRENDON TO WHEN SHE WAS STRUGGLING W HER EX IN HOPES THAT I COULD OFFER HER SOME EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE. i was vulnerable w her about him. i was trying to be helpful, i shared stuff w her i dont share w everyone but since her sitution at the time was similar to my realtionship w brendon i opened up to her. how fucking dare she. that fucking stupid bitch. how dare HE. knowing she was my client. i even had considered her a friend up until this point. i had considered moving in with her for christsakes wtf. and that the first time i felt that feeling. that awful awful feeling i no longer felt tonight. and then i felt it again a month later when he told me they were officially together. and again when i learned she met his family. (oh yeah thats another reason i think i stayed as long as i did because i adore his family. )

a bunch of other shit happened in between. him and i started talking again in march briefly when he basically cheated on her w me, then he came back in my life just this past december only to leave again like the coward that he is. but i’m grateful that happened because before i had always wondered what i had done to make him basically leave me for her, or so i felt. because he DID choose her over me. he chose to start a new relationship over mending the one that we had that was supposed to be forever. and i lost my shit. was literally destroyed shell of a human for months. extremely emotionally and mentally unstable. lost a bunch of friends cuz they couldnt handle me. got kicked out of school, lost a scholarship, almost lost a job, attempted suicide, went to the psych ward. it was really really rough for a long time. but today all of that has changed. i no longer feel that deeprooted sadness, devastation, horrid unbearable pain. today i have healed. i feel very sad for the both of them because i know how unstable their relationship is. cuz i was there. i was her. and i HATED her for a long time but i dont anymore because i feel bad she is in love w him and is gonna get hurt and heartbroken like i did. 

but i’m glad he came in my life again this past december because it cleared up a lot of unanswered thoughts i had. A. he still loves me and will always love me as i will him. B. he is thankful for me being in his life and will never forget me, and C. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. i fought w every fiber of my being for us to be together and hes the one that threw it all away. hes the one that walked away. i promised him from the moment i knew i was in love w him that as long as we both loved each other we could fix anything. but he wasnt willing to try anymore so at least i know i gave it my all and its his loss cuz he was too weak to try to work together to make things right. or maybe we just werent meant to be. or maybe both.

irregardless, my arm is so mother fucking cramped i can barley type. and i have so much more i could say, i could go on forever. but the point is that the horrid feelings i once felt are no longer there anymore and i am truly 100000% happy today when i once thought i was going to die without him. so i am proof that healing from the most excrusiating heartbreak is possible and its possible to be happier when u lose ppl u cant imagine losing, and when u get a new life that u didnt even want