#if you recognize something i discussed here i expect you to behave yourselves and not be mean to people

[nightfall-1409]

sometimes i do in fact just balk at how ppl engage with and around discussions of disability and ableism.

Like ofc, being mindful of language is a nice thing and we should all strive to be nicer but if thats where your advocacy ends thats not great and further, imo esp amongst the disabled people I know just leads to non disabled individuals policing the jokes disabled people make.

implying that disabled characters 'should be' depicted as inferior to their nondisabled counterparts. That's ableism, Textbook ableism according to the APA. Discussions abt how the suffering of disabled characters should be always be central in narratives about them. That's ableism. (especially when its portrayed something that can be overcome.)

condoning disgust and shock responses to physical disabilities as "they're just thinking about themselves and thinking about what if what happened to you happened to them or someone they love". Is so ableist that I still cannot believe that I had to read it

The framing of disability as tragedy or something to be horrified at. Even if you think that saying "Well they're not disgusted by you they're disgusted thinking about if it happened to them" makes it better. It really doesn't, I think it makes it worse. "Well you're already disabled so who gives a shit. What if I, a normal person had that happen to me?" type vibes.

The consistent use of the medical model with characters with disability, where disability is something to be cured or corrected, with a mind to making a character "more normal" (i've also seen this phrased as "make them more human" which is particularly disgusting on top of deeply fucking ableist). This is also a highlight of the APA's discussion around ableism.

And to be clear: I don't go out of my way to yell at people when I see this stuff and I don't think others should either. I don't think that's helpful or productive. I take note of it, sure, especially if I've seen them make shitty comments before, and I might bitch about it out of context to fellow disabled friends, but I don't want to endorse callout culture or posting, it's unkind and imo most people don't want to perpetrate these sorts of attitudes, they're simply societal norms that they've never questioned, and I don't want trying to correct this issue to spiral into accusations of people being awful and spiking off defensiveness.

From Leah Smith's Article on Ableism on the Center for Disability Rights' website

Just like most forms of discrimination, ableism often shows its ugly face from nondisabled people with good intentions. Unfortunately, good intentions never solved any problems. So let’s put our good intentions aside and get to the root of what’s really going on. I believe much of ableism rests on the medical model of disability, in that we have first come to understand disability through the lens of a doctor- something is ‘wrong’ with this person and that ‘something’ needs to be fixed. This is how we are taught to think about disability. However, where we have interpreted the word “wrong” is where we have gone wrong. Just because something is different, does not mean it is bad. We live in a culture in which we have entire television series’ on the medical complications of different types of disabilities. [...] The best way to de-root ableism in our everyday lives, is to ensure that there’s always a seat at the table for those who are like you and those who are not, but also checking ourselves on how we treat people with disabilities once they are at the table. As simple as this sounds, de-rooting ableism is often as simple as just treating disabled people like you would anyone else.

And from NPR's "How to Talk About Disability and Avoid Ableist Tropes"

"Many disabled people subscribe to the social model of disability, which sees disability as the result of the interaction between people living with disabilities and an environment filled with physical, attitudinal, communication and social barriers. While it doesn't deny the reality that comes with living with a disability or the impact it has on an individual, it emphasizes the need for social change in order to accommodate disabled people." "The social model says that a disability is not my inherent problem and that something isn't inherently wrong with me as a person. I think it's more of the community aspect and how you can have diversity in your culture, versus the medical [model] of, like, you have to be fixed, you have to blend in with the norm and this is how we're going to do that to fix you," said McDonnell-Horita. The disability pride movement stemmed from the social model of disability, as it frames disability as a cultural identity and a natural part of human diversity. Disabled people have used pride to affirm the self-worth and agency of disabled individuals and as a tool for combating systemic ableism.

I've got faith that this doesn't have to be the way things remain. I do.

[hellishhin]

The Ball: Part 1

Length: ~2,500 words

Content warnings: alcohol consumption, mild knife threats

Summary: Sadie, Kireen, and K'lai'a'la have arrived at Taerand's ball. They meet new people who are a bit more than they bargained for.

Taglist: (adds/removes always open!) @betwixtofficial @taerandcalentavar @talesfromaurea @faelanvance @definitelyquestionit @drippingmoon @dontcrywrite

The doors were open wide, allowing a lilting melody to drift toward them on the cool dusk breeze. Against the darkening sky, Ser Calentavar’s manor stood resolute. As the second largest building in Stawold, the manor’s half-timbered framework was filled in by mortar and rubble for most of the first floor. Above the sturdy base of stone, the beautifully aged timbers were filled with wooden planks painted a warm creamy white which served to protect the wood from the elements. Only the Margrave’s manor stood larger than Ser Calentavar’s as most of the lesser buildings in town had their timbers filled in with wattle and daub, most painted a plain white. What truly set Ser Calentavar’s manor apart was the full stone tower soaring above the third story. It was only large enough to contain a single room but was still a sight to behold among the wood and daub of Stawold.

Sadie looked up at the tower as the three women made their way down the cobbled street. She had awoken from her resurrection in the highest room in Stawold and yet he called it his guest room. He must hold his guests in high regard.

A gruff but polite request for their invitations pulled her mind away from the tower. Sadie reached into the bosom of her long rose-pink dress for the parchment. This dress was one of her favorites. She had hand-stitched some flowers across the hem. It was nothing impressive but it was the nicest dress she had.

Kireen handed over her and K’lai’a’la’s invitations as K’lai’a’la stood just behind them, ready to bolt.

“You look lovely tonight, ladies. Have a nice evening,” the guard kept the letters, tossing them into a basket behind him.

Kireen nodded and adjusted her deep blue gown, smoothing it down across her thighs. The embroidery along the sleeves and hem placed her quite comfortably among the crowd as they entered the main hall.

“Behave yourselves. K’lai’a’la, just stand off to the side if you must but you will not attack anyone for any reason. Nobody is going to hurt you. Sadie, supposedly you are familiar with these people so I trust you know how to behave yourself,” Kireen’s sigh said otherwise.

The over-excited halfling took that as her cue and she flounced into the party. Immediately, faces she recognized were greeting her. Jorgga Enteildotr, a very skilled seamstress approached and complimented her dress. Sadie knew it was mostly a nicety as her handiwork was nothing like Jorgga’s. Also in attendance was Otoc Alfandrson, a priest of Armorn the Protector; Alsteit Quinte, an artist whose work is seen in several noble houses in Stawold; and finally, Sadie is stopped in her path to the dessert table when she saw an older man with carefully combed silver hair. Draped in a royal blue silk tunic with golden trim it would be clear to anyone that this man is a part of the high nobility. A further step beyond that, Sadie was able to recognize him as Emmerich Hallgrimursson, the Margrave of Stawold.

Quickly looking around the room, she also spotted Hrimi Thaftheson and Thori Bjornison and almost all of the Margrave’s court! Never did she expect a ball to have both her name and the Margrave’s on the same invite list. Almost vibrating with excitement she turned back to find Kireen but found Ser Calentavar approaching her with a polite smile.

Kireen watched Sadie for a moment until her small stature disappeared among the skirts and cloaks of the crowd. There were no threats here, so the one she was actually worried about was K’lai’a’la who was stuck to her arm, nearly shoving her off her feet. K’lai’a’la had wanted to go with Sadie, Kireen saw that much as she took two steps after her small friend but when the crowd blocked their view, K’lai’a’la retreated back to Kireen’s side.

That was better than her getting separated and losing her head. The elf didn’t have any weapons but that would not stop her from being a threat if she felt the need. Kireen’s concern flew from her mind as soon as she saw the Margrave in his fine silken clothes. She had not been in Stawold for more than a few months and she still would recognize that level of luxury anywhere. Taerand had not mentioned the Margrave would be in attendance.

She had only been at the party a handful of minutes and none of this made sense. She was sure their invitation to the ball would have something to do with his damned favor but why would his favor include the Stawold elite. Only herself, and maybe Sadie would be qualified for anything near political intrigue. But as usual she would be left waiting on Taerand’s whim for any further information. Kireen swiped a glass of mead from a passing servant and tried to look like she was enjoying herself.

***

“Good evening Ser Calentavar!” Sadie curtsied, giving him a friendly smile.

“Good evening Blaze, I am glad you could attend. You are still feeling well, I trust?”

“Right as a sunny day, all thanks to you. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still curious about how you did it.”

“Certainly, but a ball is no place to discuss such things,” his tone was still pleasant rather than chastising.

“Of course, you are absolutely right,” Sadie waved her hand through the air as if to chase the thoughts away. “You have put on a beautiful event tonight, thank you for inviting me.”

“After the favor you and your friends have done for me, you have earned your place here tonight. Please relax and enjoy yourself,” he gave her a polite nod and faded into the crowd.

Sadie liked Taerand. Something about him was mildly mysterious but she felt a connection to him after her resurrection. He seemed like perhaps, under his mask of professionalism, was a polite and caring man. Or perhaps that’s what she hoped. With a mental shrug, she continued to the dessert table which was tall enough she had to stand on her tiptoes to see what lay atop it. As she scooted along its length, deciding what she wanted, a servant approached and bowed low next to her.

“May I help make you a plate, miss?”

Sadie happily accepted he added everything she pointed out to her plate. Once her plate was piled with tarts, candied fruit, jellied pastries, and everything else one shouldn’t eat for dinner, she deftly wove her way back through the crowd. It wasn’t hard to find the tall dazzlingly red dragonborn with a terrified elf clutched to her sleeve. Coincidentally, Taerand was speaking to them as she approached.

“--reward for the service you provided me,” Taerand was saying.

“Then I hope to hear from you again,” Kireen replied, looking less annoyed and more resigned, nursing a half finished mead. Sadie silently offered her dessert plate to K’lai’a’la who examined it for a long time before carefully choosing a candied strawberry to sample. When her teeth stuck to the candy coating she wrinkled her nose and placed it back onto the plate making Sadie chuckle.

Taerand gave K’lai’a’la a glance that was almost pitying before he turned to leave. K’lai’a’la picked up on it and glared after him.

“Come on, let’s just enjoy ourselves. Did you see? Even the Margrave is here!” Sadie lifted her dessert plate to share with Kireen too but she declined when a man in a plain white tunic and a burgundy waistcoat strode up to them. He looked starstruck but also slightly out of place.

“Good evening, may I be so bold as to ask if you three are Ser Calentavar’s noble heroes?”

He was a fairly handsome man, a strong jaw offset by a muss of sandy-brown hair which looked like there was only a cursory attempt to tame it. What really set him apart was a pair of lovely blue eyes one could get lost in.

“Well that absolutely would be us: noble heroes of Stawold!” Sadie declared before either of her compatriots could speak. This caused the man to bow low before them.

“Then allow me to humbly introduce myself as Ser Brimir Bjarkansson. I am truly impressed by your deeds and I wish to hear the account first hand, if that is acceptable.”

“Oh yes, I will gladly tell you of our peril-filled adventure to the Wraefen!” Sadie was in absolute heaven as she jumped into the story. Kireen soon went to find them some more drinks, leaving K’lai’a’la behind with Sadie.

***

The people all smelled strongly of flowers and spices, so much so she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. Despite living inside the walls for some time, K’lai’a’la would never get used to all of the different scents that came along with the cage-dwellers. Their vibrant clothing was equally assaulting on her senses and yet she found herself among them, smelling and looking like she belonged. It was an insult. These people were weak, they could not hunt their food. It came to them on a shiny tray and so many of them got fat. This was no way to live and nothing could convince her otherwise.

It even hurt to see the small one enjoying it so much but after seeing her as a corpse, happy and talking would always be better than the alternative.

The men with the glittering glasses kept offering her drink. She had tasted one and Kireen had to take it from her before she threw it across the room. Everyone was drinking the poison all the time wherever her friends took her. She would never understand that either. What she did understand was the array of blades set out neatly near the roasted pig which smelled over-seasoned even from several strides away. If she could simply have one of those blades tucked away, she could feel safe because surely others had their own blades obscured by their endless folds of colored fabric.

Kireen was off getting a drink and Sadie was enjoying her drink and distracted by the over-bearing man who was enraptured by Sadie’s retelling of the forest. K’lai’a’la did not want to hear that story anyway. She had lived it. Pretending the other patrons were simply trees to walk through, she avoided each of them on her way to the food table. Nothing looked appetizing but she stared at it anyway. As she leaned over to pretend to get a better look, her hand clasped around the handle of a knife and drew it into the folds of her dress. Perhaps the cloth was useful for one thing. When she lifted her head, unusual motion drew her gaze to the far side of the room.

There she saw a man with brown hair and blue clothing standing closer than normal to a man with black hair and red clothing. The two were whispering to each other and the brown haired one looked around in a similar way she had looked around when she wanted to make sure no one saw her take the knife. K’lai’a’la did not like their behavior to begin with but then they both slipped through a nearby door. This was a concern. She wove her way through the crowd until she was close to the door, then she tried to make it look like she was enjoying the party. She swayed on her feet from side to side and carefully sidled up to the door to concentrate on listening for what was being said behind it.

***

The story had Brimir enraptured, Sadie could tell because he had finished two drinks in the time it took to tell it and it wasn’t a particularly long story.

“Miss Sadie, your recounting has absolutely flagerblasted me!” he tried to set his empty glass on top of an hors d'oeuvre tray of a passing servant. The poor servant just took the glass while somehow maintaining composure. “Might I ask you to dance?” he held out his hands down to her.

Sadie had finished a drink of her own and she giggled “well of course you may.”

Despite their height, Brimir began to dance where they were, not even bothering to take her to a more open space.

“May I say that you and your friends make me want to be a hero? I’ve dreamed of bein’ a hero. Adventures, swords fights, monsters. Can I join you? Next time?” his eyes were a bit glassy but his gaze was earnest. “I know how to wield a sword and all I want to do is help people. Protect the weak, defend the innocent! And just… be friends with someone.”

Everything he said resonated loudly throughout Sadie’s entire being “you are one of us Brimir. We are now officially your friends and we will all help people together!” She declared. Sadie has always been able to read people well and this man had a heart of gold. Boy was she glad Taerand invited him here. The gods were on her side tonight.

“Yes, Ser Brimir, you are officially part of the heroes and we are now officially your friends.”

Brimir let out a victorious whoop, getting the attention of some of the people nearby but before Sadie could apologize, Brimir started spinning her around in his exuberance. They spun and jumped and Sadie couldn’t keep track of where they were or where they were going. She was laughing though, just delighted by his excitement. She wanted to drink with him more often. But her delight was cut short when Brimir backed into something with a thud. The world stopped spinning just in time for her to see the beautiful blue and gold vase that she had previously admired teetering from the plinth Brimir had just bumped into.

Sadie gasped and backed away, instinctively shielding her eyes from the oncoming shatter. Hero Brimir, on the other hand, tried to catch the vase. Arms out-stretched the vase hit just the tips of his fingers but the sweat caused it to sail right through. The sound of ceramic shattering silenced the entire hall.

***

There was too much noise, too much talking. She could not hear what was being said behind the door even though she knew it was important. If she pressed her ear to the door she would be noticed so she just inched closer and closer until she was standing in front of it and still--nothing. K’lai’a’la ground her teeth in frustration until her focus was shattered by the sound of something breaking across the hall. Her head whipped around, as did everyone else’s. It didn’t take her long to spot the story-man standing near an empty pedestal looking deathly pale.

Just then, the door opened behind her, instinctively causing her to whirl around. She found herself face to face with the brown-haired man, her knife out and pointed at his chest. He grabbed her wrist tightly but she dropped the knife catching it with her free hand. She raised the blade to strike when Taerand’s voice cut across the silent hall,

“Enough.”

And she froze.

[next post]----[previous post]

[abused-sides]

Well-Behaved [Whumptober 2020]

Note: I’m doing whumptober as a series. Check out the tag #whumptober 2020 v on my blog to read in order. Also on ao3.

Prompt: No. 18: Panic! at the Disco [Paranoia] 

Synopsis: Janus tries to be good to protect the others. 

Trigger warnings: Cults, gaslighting/manipulation, restraints, kidnapped, non-con, humiliation, treating people like property, blood, knives, violence/beatings, a person in a cage, guns, body horror/gore, reference to murder/hate crimes/child death/minor character death, vomiting, non-consensual drugging, burn scar mentions and brief descriptions, off-screen dumpster diving, major characters talking about potentially dying (but I don’t write major character death so no worries there), branding/burning, nonconsensual body-modification, murder threat, some gross bodily fluids, blackmail, vomit eating threat, domestic and child abuse mention/implication, toxic masculinity mentioned and preyed on, let me know if I missed anything 

Word count: 1996  

October 17th. 7:04 pm. 

The rest of the day was terrible. 

Virgil handled himself well, but Janus was a mess. If he was scared of making a mistake before, he was now petrified. It got to the point where Bates put Janus in a leash of his own so it was easier to move him when Janus froze up. 

“You’ve got to calm down,” Virgil mumbled during lunch. 

They sat side by side in the cafeteria, Bates and Styx across from them and talking over a stack of papers. Virgil and Janus’ leashes were locked around the table legs, as if they’d try to escape in the middle of the school, the cafeteria filled with cult members. 

“He’s right.” Bates looked up and smiled. “Everything is okay, love.” 

Janus nodded shakily. “Yes, sir.” 

He chuckled. “Look at me like that and I might think you don’t want to be here.”

Janus’ eyes widened, heart rate picking up. “No, sir! I do want to be here! I’m very happy to be here, I am.” 

Bates pointed a pen at Janus’ untouched plate. “Then prove it. Eat.” 

He swallowed. “My hands…”

Bates looked at Janus’ bound hands in disinterest. His eyes slipped back up to Janus’. “Yes? Is there a problem?”

He shook his head. Embarrassment crawled up his spine. He kind of wanted to die as he leaned over and lapped at the thick soup with his tongue. 

Amusement crept into their smiles. Bates hid his impressively, but Janus knew him. He was eating it up. 

Styx looked to Virgil. “And you? You haven’t eaten either, pet.” 

“One, I won’t eat like a fucking dog,” he snapped. “If we’re ‘free-roam’ now, we at least deserve that. And two, I’ve told you a million goddamn times that I’m allergic to milk. You expect me to believe this doesn’t have any? I know what food looks like when it has dairy in it, I’ve been doing this for fucking twenty years.” 

Styx leaned over and propped his chin up. He smiled. “You’ll eat how and when and what I tell you to.” 

Virgil smiled back bitterly. “You’ll be cleaning up my vomit.” 

“You’ll eat it up,” he shot back. 

“I’ll choke on it and you can bury me,” Virgil snapped. 

“Enough!” Bates glared between the two. “Styx, if I thought a pet would turn you into a child, I wouldn’t have given you one. Virgil, this is your last chance. Janus? Come here, love.” 

Bates circled around the table to pull a hyperventilating Janus into his arms, tucking Janus’ head into his neck. Janus buried his face in Bates’ soft skin as he cried quietly, his body alive with fear. 

“It’s okay,” Bates promised, stroking down his back. “But you need to stop crying, or it won’t be. You’re making a scene.”

Janus didn’t know how to make himself stop. He held his breath and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. His sobs burst through and he cried harder, hiccuping and sucking in painful, dry breaths. 

“Will you get away from him?!” Virgil tugged Janus back and hugged him tightly, the best he could with his hands tied. “How is he supposed to calm down with you threatening him?!” 

Bates sighed. “So much for a nice lunch. Styx, I trust you can finish your day without me?” 

He nodded with a smirk. “I can.” 

“Take Virgil and go. I’ve had his crate moved to your room, so at the end of the day, you can go right ahead.” Bates looked between Janus and Virgil. “I think you two will learn better separated. You’ll see each other again when I see you’ve made progress.”

As hard as he tried, Janus couldn’t stop himself from hyperventilating. Bates dragged him out of the cafeteria but his eyes remained on Virgil. 

Will I ever see him again? 

He couldn’t do this without Virgil. He wouldn’t survive. 

“Janus,” Bates warned. People stared as they walked through the halls. “You’ll be earning yourself a punishment soon.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whined, wiping his face sloppily. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sir.” 

Bates wrapped an arm around his waist and hid a smile. “It’s okay, dear. But if you don’t stop soon, I’ll make you.” 

Bates led him into a classroom, most of the desks lining the walls but a few clustered together. Most of them were filled with cult members. They all stood as Bates entered, a few taking a knee, the rest bowing. 

He grinned. “Everyone, sit. I brought a little toy with me today, you all remember Janus. He won’t interrupt.” Bates pointed to one of the desks against the wall. “Go kneel there, Janus. Stay out of our way.” 

Janus hurried to obey. Bates locked his leash to the handle of a cabinet. Janus yelped as Bates smacked his ass. 

“Posture.” 

Janus flinched but straightened up. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Good boy. Stay silent while I have my meeting.” He sat at the head of the desks. “Tell me what progress you’ve all made.” 

Janus shut his brain off as they talked. He tried everything he could to disassociate, and though he couldn’t manage it, he floated pretty far away. He didn’t notice his breaths speeding up as he stared out the window into the mangled woods. 

If he behaved long enough, could he somehow get a message to the others letting them know they’ve been found? Remus should be able to help with that. 

“Janus,” Bates said in frustration. 

Janus sucked in a breath. How the fuck does he know-

“Your breathing. Didn’t I say to stay silent?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” His eyes flicked over all the other members staring at him, all chuckling or grinning. His face flushed hot and he cowered in on himself. “I’m sorry, I’ll quiet down.”

Bates stood and stormed over to him. Janus flinched. “Didn’t I say not to make a scene?” He hissed. “Posture. Shut your mouth. One more slip-up and I’ll bend you over for your punishment in front of everyone here and have it recorded as a welcome home tape for the others.”

Tears welled up in Janus’ eyes and fell silently down his cheeks. He held his breath and nodded. 

Bates smacked the side of his face gently. “Good boy. We’re almost done, then we can have a break, okay?”

Bates finished his meeting, but afterwards, he called Janus forward. He pulled Janus into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“See?” He said to the others with a grin. “He can be well-behaved.” 

“Honestly, Bates,” one of the girls said, “you’re impressive. And you have such a way with boys specifically. Got any tips for me shaping up my boyfriend?” 

“Public humiliation is a good bet for anyone, especially cis men. It’s so easy to make them feel worthless with just a few insults. Isn’t that right, J?” 

Janus nodded slowly. Bates squeezed his waist, and he stuttered out, “Yes, sir.” 

“And leverage, of course. I have no illusions about why Janus is being so good today. Find out what matters to him, Olivia. Janus here would give his life for his friends— So he does.” 

“What about kids?” A man asked. Janus vaguely recognized him, his name started with an ‘L.’ “My daughter’s been a real bitch lately, I want to get her back in line.” 

“Well, that depends on age, but I like to think of Janus here as a son of my own.” Bates tucked Janus’ hair behind his ear. He shuddered. “Just remind her how much you love her and that you’re doing this to help her. Janus, baby, you know how important it is that you stay well-behaved, right? Can you tell me why?” 

“People like me better this way,” he mumbled. “I’ll have a better life being behaved.”

Bates kissed his cheek. “Such a good boy. Any more questions about my beautifully behaved boy?”

The cultists poked and rubbed at him, hands tugging at his clothes, rubbing through his hair, stroking the insides of his thighs and any exposed skin, running over his lips. Bates sat proudly as they praised the two, cooing over Janus’ behavior. Janus eventually had to check out again, sweating in embarrassment. 

“Unfortunately, I’m running late for the next thing on my schedule,” Bates finally said. “I’ll see all you at dinner, though. Behave yourselves.” 

Bates carried him through the day like that, poking and prodding him into small breakdowns. Janus watched his every step, every breath, tried harder to behave than he ever had, but Bates and his friends always had something to say. 

During dinner, Bates caught Janus’ stare, looking for Virgil and Styx. “They brought their meals to Styx’s room. They’ll be there for the rest of the night since Styx got his work done early. Honestly, Virgil is an incredible motivator, I’m ashamed to not have thought of this earlier.” 

Bates gave himself a longer workday than anyone else. After hours of meeting with cultists and discussing plans and progress, he locked the two of them in the abandoned principal's office with a laptop and a VPN. He stayed there until Janus’ eyelids sank and he struggled to keep posture. His knees ached and creaked from the constant pressure, sharp pains occasionally shooting up Janus’ back. 

When Bates finally ordered Janus to his feet, his back popped loud enough to fill the room. Bates laughed as he picked up his leash and led him into the halls. 

He stopped at one of the classrooms and knocked a few times. The door opened to reveal Remus with his bedhead and sleepy eyes. 

Janus’ eyes widened. 

“Did I wake you?” Bates asked as Remus stepped aside to let them in. 

The classroom was left mostly untouched aside from a few of the desks pushed together to form an alcove, filled with a dirty mattress and several thin blankets. A dirt-caked Percy Jackson book laid open. 

“No, I was waiting.” 

Bates handed over Janus’ leash and patted Remus’ cheek. “Good boy. You know the rules?” 

“Don’t let him out of my sight.” 

“Good. I’ll collect him in the morning. Until then, he’s yours.” 

Remus locked the door after Bates left. 

He stepped over and rested his hands on the back of Janus’ head, then pulled him in for a soft kiss, careful of his still-healing burns. Janus cried as he kissed Remus back, one of Remus’ hands inching forward to unclip his leash and unlock his collar. The chains clattered against the ground and the two stumbled onto the mattress. 

After ages of kissing, Remus’ fingers running over every uninjured part Janus had, they laid with their heads inches apart, Remus’ book forgotten on the stained tiles. 

“We can leave,” he whispered, barely audible at all. “Go out the window. I’ve been watching every night, I know the guards’ routes. Bates trusts me.”

It took all of Janus’ strength to shake his head. “Not without Virgil. We wouldn’t be able to sneak him from Styx, would we?”

Remus bit his lip and shook his head. “No. We’d have to leave him.”

“We’re not doing that.”

“I know.” 

Janus carefully rested his head on Remus’ shoulder and hugged him tightly. He was sick of crying, but his eyes watered anyway. “What about your plan?” 

“I’m just waiting for the right timing. Everything else is set up. You don’t need to worry, okay?”

“And you’re coming with us, right?” 

Remus hesitated. 

Janus squeezed him tight. “Remus.” 

“If I can,” he promised. “If I can, I’ll come with you. But I’m not worried about me. Fuck, you’ve seen it, my life is fine here. It’s you two that need to get out.” Remus ran his fingers through Janus’ hair, carefully working through the knots to leave the strands smooth, albeit greasy. “And you need to get some sleep.”

“I don’t know if I can.” 

“Try?” 

Janus’ eyes fluttered shut. “I’ll try.” 

“I love you, Janus.”

“I love you, too.”

Kofi and commissions, 1 coffee = 300 words of your prompt

[midnighthyuck]

Beautiful | jungwoo!au

summary: you were working on a photoshoot with your university team, in the meanwhile, jungwoo has to dress up as a girl to help his sister. 

words: 2.600 (sorry bout that)

pairing: you & jungwoo

a/n: pretty sweet. also, sorry about any mistakes, english is not my native language. it’s not that good idk? but it would be a shame deleting it all without giving a try. promise next time will be better.

requests are open!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two hours. That was the amount of time you had already spent trying to convince your senior that purple lights wouldn’t look as good as blue ones. The scenario was all set up but the lights still annoyed you. He had been working with photoshoots before you, period. He had plenty of works highly well recognized by all teachers in photography faculty, period. Yet, purple didn’t feel right.  

Tired of hearing your annoying complains he decided to give it a try. It ended up with you being congratulated by your ‘unceasing persistence’ and happy with the finally blue studio. He was good, but you also were. Being on top of the class was the main reason you were the only sophomore in the wise room.  

Once done with the lighting discussion you decided to take a look on the models. It was not your first time on a shooting like that so you had plenty knowledge of how the girls get stressed and sensitive right before the show. Most of them you’d never seen before and was pretty much sure you wouldn’t be seeing again anytime soon, still you made sure to bring them some fruits and cool water. 

‘’You all look stunning! Definitely the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen’’ you genuinely smiled at them. That was your job, making them feel at ease, instead of freaking them out like Doyoung would be doing in a few minutes. 

He wasn’t a bad guy, but the amount of overwork he had been dealing with in the past few months may have helped him to become this ‘fast mood shifting’ weapon. Or you might just think it because you are two opposites. Doyoung doesn’t know how to behave when it comes about girls. Also don’t you when it comes about boys. 

“There’s one missing’’ Ten made himself noticeable, handing you the paperwork. 

“It’s fine, we still got a few minutes.’’ you tried to stay calm, although you knew Doyoung would be shouting at you once the shoot started and one of his ‘girls’ was missing. ‘’I’ll go grab some coffee for us. Make sure Doyoung doesn’t freak out.’’  

“I will try.’’ It’s all you get back when you’re already reaching the elevator.  

In the meanwhile, Jungwoo was in denial.  

“No.” was all he said. 

“No, you don’t get me.” Junghah, the older sister, insisted. “I need you to be there for me. The director will fucking kill me. Also, what if I never get a job like this again?” 

“You should be there, not me!” his voice still sounded awfully adorable, despite the loudness. 

“I know! Do you think I’m like this cause I want to? Huh?” Junghah’s voice made itself louder than expected thanks to the eco. She had been in the bathroom for the whole day long. It had been four hours already. “Even if I manage to get out of here, I don’t think I can stay away for too long, you understand?” 

Jungwoo was too good, even he suspected of it, but everything must have a limit. He thought about the uncountable number of times he’d helped his older sister until the very moment. Combing her hair when she broke her arm. Dumping her ex-boyfriend for her cause she wouldn’t be able to handle his crying face. Not to mention all the times he had lied to their mom in order to help her sneak out of the house to go out.  

He knew that dressing up as a girl and showing up in a photoshoot wasn’t the best decision at all.  “Pretty please.’’ and that was it. 

With that simple sentence she had him all over her shoes.  

Jungwoo was way too good. 

[…] 

“Hold on, please!” you let the air in your lungs come out as a demand, running to the metal door a few steps away from you while managing to keep both ice americanos in your hands inside its cups, instead of dripping all over the elevator’s floor. “Thank you.” you mumble once in, trying to fix the harsh first impression you’d just caused. 

A smile was the answer. An awkwardly cute smile coming from an around 5 feet tall girl. She was huge, that was no secret, even compared to the ones waiting for you at the studio, yet something about her felt just to adorable, despite her size. Her long hair fell just right over her shoulder’s, contouring her back with a few other strands over her cheekbones. She was definitely adorable and you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Excuse me, are you here for the shooting?”  

“Uh, yes!” not only the face was lovely, but also the voice.  

You tried to keep your reactions to yourself, but seeing her ears getting red just made you internally jump in joy. “I see. I’m also on it, I mean, not modeling as you can see. I’m in charge of light and photography.’’ you smiled once again when she opened her mouth impressed, getting even more red than before. “Is this your first time?” 

“...Is it that obvious?” and once again you found yourself whipped by that extremally cute face.  

“Nah, it’s just cause you have very sincere expressions. It’s not bad though.” The conversation could keep on some other time, because in the very next second you’d arrived in the 8th floor. 

You, politely, guide the girl to the makeup room and let her there so they could work out on how to make her look like the astonishing (you would call kinda fake looking) woman we see on magazines. 

[…] 

As you thought Doyoung couldn’t keep his frustrations to himself, but since you were there the models had someone to rely on. Specially the cute one. It was her first time so it took ages for her to feel comfortable enough to pose properly.  

You managed to make some good pics before noon arrived, so you’d just sit around and wait until your colleagues were also done. Going out for a few drinks was always one of the best parts of working on projects with them.  

While setting up a few things in your head and organizing some paper and equipment, you heard two of your senior laughing. ‘If they can chill, they can also help me get everything done’ your thought while frowning. Finally reaching both guys you could barely remember the names, you were able to hear was seemed to be so funny. 

“I don’t know how Doyoung let that thing be on the project. That’s definitely not a girl, dude.”  

“I mean, maybe if I was drunk, or blind” both them laugh annoyingly.  

“Well, if it is so cool making fun out of people, I guess you guys will die in laughter once you check up on yourselves in the mirror.” you claim entering the place. “Or it might be funnier if your just shut the fuck up and take care of the work you’re here to do.’’ 

“Yeah, but nobody told me this was a gay parade.” one insisted. 

You smile back. “I bet they told you it was a circus. That’s why you keep acting like a fucking clown.” 

Before it could get any worse (or better), all the models, now done with their hard work, entered the room laughing in delight once it was over. Except from the tall one, who came in leaving the bathroom right behind you. You frowned in pain. You just wished she didn’t hear all the bullshit those two said. 

“Thank you for that.” she told you once you both were the only ones left in the huge studio, since taking the elevator was a kind of process when there were around 14 people in there. And taking the stairs on 8th floor was not an option.  

The touch of your hand on hers makes she feels vulnerable, and once again she blushes. “Never mind those assholes. Men are fucking stupid. Are you coming with us for a drink?” 

“Uh, not really. I gotta go back to check on my sister.” 

“Oh, I see.” and when the elevator finally arrives to get you, you hear her sighing in relief. 

“You did well today. I bet we are gonna see each other again anytime. What’s your name anyways?” 

“Kim Jungwoo.” she answers back with a wide smile.  

“You’re name is as adorable as your face, you know it?” you can’t help but make your thoughts real by telling the truth. 

“Oh... Thank you. I don’t get this a lot.” 

“But you should. Honestly, you’re the cutest model I’ve ever bumped into. Feel lucky, cause I see plenty of gorgeous girls every once in a while. You’re extremally beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” you are amused by the laugh that comes from her. It was just too much of a cute sound. But before you could embarrass yourself in front of her again the door opens, revealing a groups of people waiting for you to follow them to the nearest bar.  

You just wave goodbye and wish Jungwoo luck.

[…] 

Later that night Jungwoo searched for you online. He wasn’t brave enough to send a request, though. He felt cheesy for being like that, just appreciating your face once again by a picture someone else took. But it was not all about looks. It was about you all. Something just felt warm inside him while watching a stupid video Jaehyun posted on your birthday.  

Was it the smile? Was it the cozy voice? He didn’t know for sure, but it made him feel even worse for not being fearless.  

He was a coward afterwards.  

[…] 

You couldn’t bare the pain in your neck anymore, even after trying to stretch or taking pain-killers. You decided to go home for the day, you wouldn’t be much productive editing the pictures with that annoying pinch keeping all your attention for itself.  

“Excuse me!” the sweet voice reached your ears when you were just about to leave the building.  

“Yes?” you frowned. That face was somehow familiar. 

“Uh- well... I was here last weekend on the photoshoot...’’ You still couldn’t link it. 

“Sorry, I don’t recall. Are you a staff member?”  

“Not exactly. Well, I was... one of the models.” Oh. It wasn’t hard to say why you weren’t able to recognize her (him? they?). 

They still were tall as hell, the baby face had pretty much the same features and naive expressions, but it all just felt so different. The person right in front of you now seemed like someone else. 

“I think I remember now.” you said trying to conceal your surprise. “How can I help?” 

There it was again. Ears turning red, just as the tip of the nose, confused face and shrunken shoulders. Just as adorable as you could remember. 

“I actually... Hm...” 

“The pictures aren’t ready yet, if that’s what you’re here for. It takes some time.” 

“No!” they answered louder than you expected, getting you surprised. “I... actually came to.. Uh, talk to you.” 

“Me?” you didn’t mean to sound as surprised as you actually did.  

“I’m so sorry! I swear I’m not a weirdo. I just didn’t have the chance to talk to you that much that day, and I was wondering if... Well, if y-you...” 

No. The answer was already set on your mind before you could even think about the painful pinch on your neck. But that was when you realized it wasn’t there anymore. You frown in confusion and run your fingers through the back of your head. Everything is just fine. 

“Ok.” you said before thinking well, interrupting the other while getting lost on their own words. “What about grabbing some coffee?” 

They were not a dog, but for a second you could swear you saw a wagging tail when they opened that bright smile right in front of your eyes. 

[…] 

So Kim Jungwoo was indeed a guy.  

The whole ‘’dressing’’ as girl thing had a story behind it, before you could get angry at him. No that you had a real reason for that, but as Ten would say “getting mad at boys is you favorite sports”. But even though, he was way different from all the other boys you had ever met.  

Adorable wasn’t the only word to describe him. He was... sweet (?) Like genuinely.  Not the kind of “am I cute?” sweet, the real sweetness. The one kids lose once they grow up. The one that makes us love animals because they’re just too pure for this world.  And you hated yourself for feeling so much at ease with a guy as you did with Jungwoo. 

You knew his intentions. Growing up with two older brothers and being friends with Johnny made you a kind of expert when it comes to know that guys are into you. Yet, you couldn’t help but smile at each sweet expression he’d let off whenever you said something that caught him out of guard.  

[…] 

Keeping in touch with Jungwoo was just natural.  

People tend to say they never really realize they fell in love, but you’d never forget that friday night, when he texted you a “I wanna see you soon.”.  

What is this? You thought to yourself, holding onto your phone tightly, staring at the ceiling wondering since when were you anticipating seeing Jungwoo that much. What exactly was that cozy warmness inside your chest. 

[…] 

“I like you.” Jungwoo closed his eyes when the words came out, becoming real. 

It had been a month since the first time you thought he was adorable. And now, right in front of that playground somewhere nearby your house, on that cold november noon, he was being adorable once again. 

He didn’t dare to take your hands. He knew you well to know how suspicious you were with skinship, what got you smiling. You moved one step forward, getting closer to the taller cute boy, taking one of his hands on yours. 

“I know.” 

“Since when?” he sighs deeply. You wish you were brave enough to check up his expression. I bet his ears are red, you thought.  

“Since day one.” you laugh when his lamentation moan reaches your ears, at the same time he decides to lay his head on your shoulder.  

“That’s so unfair.” he sighs once again, that’s when you feel the urge to pet his head. At the first touch he gets surprised, since touching wasn’t really something between the two of you. “I’m sorry.” 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” you smile, although you knew he couldn’t see it.  

Gathering all his strength, he takes a step back to face you. “And... What’s your answer?” 

You laugh. “You know I have a soft spot for you and there’s no way I’d say no when you’re looking at me like that.”. 

And when he pouts at you with that ridiculously adorable face you can’t help but hugging him. “You were special since the first second. Thank you for that.” 

He hugs you back and now you’re able to feel his heartbeat, which gets you a bit worried since it was way faster than people consider healthy. 

“I never cared when people gave me compliments. But that day, when you said I was beautiful, I felt you were looking through me. It was not about being a guy, being a girl, not even about being attractive. It was about... me. I’m the one to thank you.” 

You smile while petting his back. “You’re beautiful, Jungwoo.” 

And he was. 

Kim Jungwoo was the prettiest thing that had ever crossed your path. 

[jackbabewang]

Genre: Veeeeery slight angst, Fluff, Best friends to lovers

Word count: 3,050

Being together is that—

No matter how many days, weeks, months, or years go by, keep every promises made.

a/n: heavily listened to coming home while writing this, maybe you should too

When we first met

Jaehyun was the kind of person who endeared himself to everyone who knew him and you were swept off your feet the first time you saw him, roaming the corridors looking for your new classroom where they’d been relocated in the beginning of each year. The school personnel had this system going on ever since the dramatic increase in the number of students and to suit the new batch of each grade, or simply cause of the Pungsu-Jiri (Korea’s Geomancy or Feng Shui) thingy. Yeah, it was kind of unnecessary. 

Given plenty of time to break away from each other’s gazes if you wanted to, but neither did even with your feet continued walking yourselves in the opposite direction. 

How could anyone have such warm brown eyes as those? It was virtually impossible! 

Jaehyun changed your whole life as you knew it. You became best of friends, and whispered to each other on every occasion possible.

Twenty minutes into the class you spent sipping your Coke with your head bent, under the desk, behind the erected textbook to shield yourself. 

History teachers were obsessed with things that weren’t there any more. They lived in the past and expected us to want to live there too. You couldn’t imagine that any history lesson can be a thrill a minute, but with Mr. Lee in command, the expression ‘to die for’ took on a whole new meaning. Mostly everyone sat there sighing and thinking, “Why are the clock hands moving so slowly, has the battery committed suicide?” Mr. Lee was a very boring teacher. You meant very boring. He looked boring and sounded boring and everything he said was boring. He was Mr. Boring-Boring, Sir Boringest, Lord Boring of Boring-in-the-Brain. He droned on and on and on about nothing you wanted to know, then wrote it all on the board and told us to copy it down, or write an essay on it, or ask him questions. He didn’t get many questions, mainly because no one had been listening or trying to read his crabby handwriting.

SLUUUURP— 

Reaching the bottom of your cup, though not too loudly, just loudly enough so that Mr. Lee, standing in the front, a few feet away, could hear you. 

“Who was that?” he roared, his eyes darting everywhere, scanning everyone, until they settled on you. 

Instinct was not about being the smartest, but it was about being in tune with your inner drive and you turned to your only friend. He first eyed you with confusion, then gave a questioning look over the top of his glasses

“Jung Jaehyun!” 

At the call of his name, his jaw dropped, eyes widened with disbelief, frustrated and full of rage at being your scapegoat. This girl! She’ll be the death of me. 

In the end, you compensated for your mistake by flashing him the widest smile in your footlocker collection of smiles.

The beginning: Promise of the youth

During the summer holiday, you secured a part-time job at a rental record store. Jaehyun would sometimes visit and you would play the newest music out dancing and clowning around when there were no customers in the store. 

“Hey, tell you something. That guy at the counter-” 

Jaehyun tilted his curious head to the direction of the said individual, not caring that the man would notice the two youngsters were openly discussing him. 

“Don’t be so obvious, idiot!” Your nudge turned him back to you, “He’s the store manager. Apparently he first met his wife here and they’ve been together since then. Believe it or not, it’s been fifteen years! Isn’t that amazing? I can’t believe anyone can fall in love for such a long time!” 

“You sure are a mathematician. And nosy.”

“I’m an expert when it comes to this.”

“Should put it into good use instead. Like, what? Education?”

“Shut up.”

When you met them, you didn’t understand what held them together. You remembered thinking, This is really an odd couple! After spending some time with them and learning their story, it all made sense. He was her anchor, and she was his ultimate challenge; but more than that, they genuinely seemed to love one another. 

“Gosh, I can't imagine how I'd be like when I'm thirty…” 

It was always the future—a perfectly vague, indefinite future that terrifies you. You wished you could stay like this forever, young forever, happy forever. Your needs are simple, far more so than the needs of an adolescent or adult. Just think of a child, laughing at the least thing that catches its fancy, the image of himself or herself in a mirror, or the way a family pet behaves. 

Here you have Jaehyun, the secret source of your happiness. 

His voice broke in upon your thoughts, “Thirty-year-old unmarried woman… There're tons of them!” 

“Thirty— I don’t want to be that—” You shuddered, fighting back waves of panic at the image of an old lady alone with too many cats. “If I’m still single at thirty, you have to marry me.” 

Your abruptness caught him off guard. He didn’t speak for a moment but there was a glint of mockery in his eyes, a mischievous smirk played on the corners of his lips, as if he wasn’t taking you any less seriously for it. 

“What kind of reaction is that?” So you nudged him in the ribs, laughing all the more when he made an overly dramatic wince. 

“I want to have a Harry Potter themed wedding… A sunflower bouquet… Ooh, and you know what? I’m gonna abandon the heels, they’re going to kill me!” 

He chuckled. What a lady. 

“How about you? Tell me about your dream wedding.” 

“That would be marrying the love of my life.” Then he grinned. The indentations in his cheeks called dimples, making his smile heart-meltingly sweet. His eyes crinkled almost closed when he smiled, too. 

“You’re boring.” 

“What were you expecting? Dyeing my hair blonde or pink or purple?”

“That would be nice too.” 

She fell in love

“Jung Jaehyun!” You shouted his name and started waving frantically. He recognized your voice immediately despite the muffling effect of your scarf. And his heart dropped to his feet when you barely checked the road for cars before you went streaking across it. 

Next to him was a guy you’d never met before. He was about the same height as Jaehyun, his right ear a bit pointed like an elf’s, and with a face like that, you damn sure would’ve remembered.

Grinning broadly, “This is my classmate, Sicheng.” 

“Hi.” As he spoke Korean with his delicate Chinese accent, the words dripped from his lips like honey. 

“And she is-” 

With a warm smile and you introduced yourself, interrupting whatever Jaehyun might have added. Though you’re already telling him of information which was much not needed.

“Oh… You both are-”

“We’re besties!” 

“We’re heading to the cafe for awhile, do you want to join us?” 

“Sure!” 

Then you fell for him and discovered that when it comes to romance, intelligence takes a back seat to stupidity. Jaehyun half agreed, half disagreed. To him, you’re always the latter even before your blind infatuation.

Cupid, that little rascal, had already fired his arrow into your heart and had no intention of letting you escape this magical feeling. And that’s how you described the whole theory of ‘Love at first sight’ to Jaehyun, who’d probably known it better than you did.

Then, she had her first heartbreak. 

“We broke up…” You showed up unannounced on his doorstep crying bitterly only for him to drag you to the courtyard, away from his dormitory where you wouldn’t be seen or heard wailing like a toddler who had lost her lollipop, where you wouldn’t be causing disturbance to the neighbouring students, and where he wouldn’t be mistaken for the one that shattered your heart into fragments. 

“He said I never stopped talking, said I talked too fast. He pretended he couldn’t understand Korean and talked shit about me in his Ching-Chong language. He said I’m annoying and loud…” You paused long enough to take a breath, and felt more tears streaming down your face. “Am I... Am I really that annoying?” 

Something about your current state made him want to pick you up and tenderly wrap you in a blanket of protection. It was laughable to hear you whining about ‘the Chinese guy’ you once fell head over heels for. He was trying hard to control his smile that wanted to show on his face, and shook his head instead. “No, not at all.”

“Am I loud?” 

Though afraid to fuel your outburst, “Sometimes…” It was a fact. 

“I am not loud…” You spun around and stomped toward the bench, your lips pouted in misery and your head placed in the south right now. 

When he patted your back in a futile attempt to calm you, you moved after his hand in double time. “Stop patting me…” A few incoherent mumbles of him being the annoying one instead, then, “Jung Jaehyun! If I’m still single at thirty, you have to marry me.” 

“You always say that.” 

“You need to swear it this time.” Wanting him to stay true to his words, you held his right hand up.

“Swear, what?” 

You rolled your glossy eyes and exhaled a breath in exaggerated impatience. Was he dumb or dumb?

“If I’m still single at thirty, Jung Jaehyun will have to marry me!” 

As he repeated, “If I’m still single at thirty, Jung Jae-”

“No!” You scolded and whacked him on the arm. “Idiot…” 

An uncontrollable smile stretched across your face as you slowly relaxed. He stared at you for a moment, grinning faintly, an amused glint in his eyes. There was magic in you, he decided. 

You slumped back into the bench, your eyes staring into space, your mind numb. Unshed tears blurred your vision and you caught the warm drops that slipped past with the backs of your hands. Naturally, you reached over and rubbed them on his jacket to try to wipe away the traces of madness. He never complained, of course. 

“You know… You do have a superpower…”

“What is it?”

“The superpower of making my tears disappear…”

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. Talk about being a charmer. “That’s gross…”

Chill crawled down your spine and he mimicked your shiver. “You are gross.” 

Long time no see

At eleven o’clock, files for the meeting laid in front of him that he probably wouldn’t even notice his phone buzzing. He looked down at the familiar caller ID flashing on the screen. 

Without thinking twice he picked up the call. 

Immediately connected through the line, your piercing cry blasted his ear. “He said he wanted to break up with me…” Unbeknownst to yourself that it was so loud the people next to him could hear you. He smiled at his colleagues apologetically and quickly excused himself from the room. 

He found what he guessed to be an unused room, hidden away down a relatively quiet corridor. Then he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and one ankled hooked over the other. Even though he couldn’t see your face at the moment, he could paint a perfect picture of tears streaming down your face, snot hanging on your nose. 

“Okay, okay. Stop crying.” Jaehyun was laughing. You took no notice, but went on crying. The more you cried the more he laughed. Your sobs, like fulminations, were thunderous. “You’ve gotten stronger, you know that?”

“Huh? … What?”

“I said. Your howling has gotten stronger.” 

“No, it didn’t. Bastard.” 

“I’m in the middle of a meeting right now. Talk to you later.” 

Though the phone call was cut short, it made you feel much better. Instead of hogging him on, you decided to leave him a text message, saying, “Thanks for making my tears disappear.” It was that corny line again, that he couldn’t help but grin upon reading. 

“Hangout this weekend?” He replied.

Saturday of that week 

Jaehyun offered to pick you up at your place. 

“Hey.” 

It still hadn’t completely sunk in that how much you’d matured in the last few years. Medium height, you had long dark hair, which you’d forego your full bangs, soft romantic curls looked shiny and healthy, as did your skin. He could tell from the way your outfit moved along with your body that you had a woman’s figure with lots of curves. 

“It’s been awhile,” you started. 

Staring at you too much would be creepy though, awkwardly he put his hand up with a smile, he ushered you into the passenger seat and got behind the wheel of his car and drove off. 

“Broke up again?” 

“I’m okay. It’s not the first time for me.” 

He glanced over at you a time or two, perhaps worried, but you didn’t seem to be mad or crying. As he was about to speak, your cell phone’s high-pitched ringtone crashed into the conversation, shattering the moment in an instant. 

Incoming call: Jerk

“It’s him- He’s calling! Should I pick up? Should I?” 

“If you want to-” Once again he got interrupted as he was trying to talk some sense into you.

“Hello?” “What is it?” “Didn’t we break up already? Why are you still calling me?” ”You’re freaking weird. Why are you apologizing all of a sudden?” 

During your phone conversation, Jaehyun cast a rather wary glance at you before dragging his eyes back to the road. 

“Alright… I’m not mad anymore…” 

Upon listening to whatever you’re saying, though piece by piece, it sounded like you’re back together and things would be great again. After all, it was just the typical bickering between a couple. 

With a final assurance to your not-an-‘ex’-anymore that all was well and you really weren’t mad anymore, the call ended. Just as if reading your mind, Jaehyun shook his head in disbelief while you only grin at him sheepishly. At least the rest of the hangout could be enjoyed with none of pouting and sulking, you thought. 

Another six months

Jaehyun’s phone alerted him to a text, it was frank 

I’m getting engaged soon

Will hand over the invitation card when we meet next time

Two sentences of such simple words—as something bound to be, and bound to happen. Yet it left an impact on him. He swallowed to alleviate the tightening in his throat, but the feeling followed him, peaking and then fading, falling as petals fluttering from a dying bloom. For a second prior, he was really, truly happy for you. 

Somewhere on the other side, you felt a tremendous emotional effect after clicking your phone shut following the message delivered. Something ran over your head, and maddeningly ran through again and again. What was wrong? 

In a disoriented state of mind, you began rummaging through drawers and cabinets until you found the box you wanted. You pulled it out and opened it, revealing a stack of picture squares, a two carrot ring, and finally a limited edition Hamburglar figurine that both you and Jaehyun were lucky enough to redeem. The set of eyes stared dumbly at you as you silently gazed at the little thing that managed to hold such fond memories. 

Meanwhile, Jaehyun had always had the figurine with him, laid on his workstation somewhere visible so that he continued to be reminded by it. Too, he was fixated on the pair of acrylic painted eyes in remembrance of the past. 

The day before 30th 

Jaehyun had been waiting for you inside a cafe situated a block from the deadly intersection, sipping on a glass of iced latte, though the weather was nothing sort of a torrid summer. 

Upon agreeing to the meet up, he had sorted everything out in his mind and promised himself to confront you with a good-natured congratulation on your marriage none other than a dear friend should. 

Less than ten minutes later, you appeared on the other side of the glass, waving and smiling brightly. Pitter-patter of the rain drops hitting your umbrella steadily intensify as did something else… 

“Hi,” he greeted with a dimpled grin, and then wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, a smear of coffee on his chin when you snatched up his glass and took a long swallow. Again, he said nothing about your behavior that he had gotten used to, only glaring at you with the ever same expression of This girl! She’ll be the death of me. 

“Invitation card,” he said, reminding you what all this was about in the first place. 

But so nonchalantly, you uttered, “We broke up.” 

Your eyes caught the slight lift in the right corner of his lips, Jaehyun unable to stop a small smile from making it onto his face. Simultaneously, his brows raised in surprise. 

“You didn’t cry?”

Almost proud of yourself, “No.” 

“Lies.”

“Really,” you continued with the realization of the fact that, “Liking and loving someone is different.” 

Jaehyun convinced himself, to the bone, that you’re okay. Assimilating that you’d indeed matured to understand how relationship works instead of diving in blindly on the spur of the moment by acting upon emotional states like a teenage girl in love. Emotion comes and goes, rises and falls. Certainly, love doesn’t last forever. But the foundation of love is commitment, and he wished you’d learned that as well because… 

“Do you remember what day it is tomorrow?” your calm voice interrupted his chain of thoughts, as you stared at him in anticipation. 

“Of course I do. It’s your 30th birthday tomorrow.” 

Grinning and beaming with unbridled glee, for once you bet on your bold self saying that, “So, you still remembered our promise then.” 

As if he had been waiting for years, thought he was ready, but was somewhat embarrassed and gave you a warm, shy smile. The once dying bloom came back to life, thriving, lush and flourishing. The pent up feeling on that one, great heart, burst forth in an uncontrollable, deafening shout. 

“Tell me,” you coaxed his trigger to give his word of honour. 

“If you’re still single at thirty…” Nervously, he gulped and avoiding your intent eyes. “I’ll have to marry you.”

“You must keep your promise, Jung Jaehyun.” 

[kcwcommentary]

VLD8x01 – “Launch Date”

8x01 – “Launch Date”

First episode of the last season. This is probably the most romance-centered episode this show has ever done. And, this is the only episode solely written by Lauren Montgomery. The episode is clearly intended to be funny, but I didn’t laugh at much.

There are a lot of issues that can be discussed about this episode, about its own contents, especially the Allura-Lance romance, and about the episode’s relationship to the rest of the series. There’s a lot in this episode that bothers me.

The episode begins with some kind of meta commentary from this show about the original Voltron. I can understand VLD doing something like this as an homage to the original, but I, having not watched much of the original, don’t know if this particular homage works or not. Pidge is watching a cartoon that is, in-story, a production that has been made in wake of humanity learning about the existence of and being saved by Voltron last season. The show Pidge is watching is a short clip from the original Voltron animation.

In a medical bay, faceless medical personnel (I thought their faceless visual design last season was creepy then too) are tending to the Altean found in the wreckage of the mecha from the end of last season. Allura is watching from outside the room, and Romelle steps up to her, saying, “You know, back on the Colony, Luca and I didn’t always get along.” So, Romelle knows who this Altean is. Romelle gives us an expositional assessment of what Luca’s supposed qualities were, “inner strength,” “a desire to be a part of something greater than herself.”

The show presented the culture of the Colony to be very much a cult, but the show hasn’t really followed up with that and examined Romelle from that perspective. She’s just now become another regular Altean without really having to do anything to change. Even if she was the least cultish of the Colony Alteans, she still would most likely have to wrestle with the effects of growing up in a cult. This show has never demonstrated itself to be capable of dealing with big, heavy topics like that, so I don’t know why I would expect them to do so.

Allura responds to Romelle, “If she was so desperate for something to believe in, it may have made her susceptible to being manipulated.” The show has never given us any conversation between Allura and Romelle for the two of them to discuss what the Colony was like. Does Allura even realize that the Colony was a cult? Romelle’s characterization of Luca almost has a propagandistic quality to it. That description very much can apply to someone who has always been a zealot, then and now.

Hunk and his parents (and Sal from Vrepit Sal’s in the background) are in what looks like a mess hall. It’s a short, overly saccharine moment. “Your father and I are just so proud of you, saving the universe and all,” his mother says. That line feels so unnatural.

Hunk sits down with Lance, who’s clearly mentally elsewhere. Hunk expositions that the following day is the titular launch date. Launch Date also serves as a pun referencing the date that Lance and Allura go on in this episode. It’s more thought than most of this show’s episode titles get, and I kind of like it. At first, I thought Hunk could tell Lance was upset and was trying to distract him. Hunk riffs on the difference between the characters in VLD and the characters in the in-story TV show that Pidge was watching. But then when Hunk talks about the TV show hinting a romance between Keith and Allura, Lance reacts with instant, angry jealousy. Is Hunk really that oblivious and unable (or unwilling) to recognize his supposed friend Lance’s emotional state?

Hunk eventually realizes that Lance is talking about something real, “Oh, that’s right, you said you were going to ask Allura on a date. You asked her, didn’t you? Oh, and she said, no. And here I am rubbing your face in it.” Lance says she didn’t say no because he never asked her. Is this supposed to be demonstrating character growth for Lance? The guy who literally flirted with Allura the first time he ever spoke to her is too unwilling to ask her out now? It feels out of character for him. He’s been super open and publicly demonstrative of his interest in Allura before now.

Shiro is leading a “final briefing” before the launch tomorrow. At the end of the meeting, Shiro says, “It’s our last night on Earth, and we’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of us. We may not be back home for years, so I’m ordering you to take some time for yourselves. Be with the ones you love. You’ve earned it.” Of course, what he says makes sense. What bothers me is that this show wrote him to say it, but we don’t get to see him doing it. The only person Shiro has that could count as a loved one is Keith with their previously depicted but now ignored friendship. And it’s not like Keith was busy with someone else this night because the show eventually reveals he’s just sitting alone on top of the Black Lion with Cosmo. Why in the world did Shiro and Keith not hang out together? It makes it feel like the EPs and writers of this show, because they revealed Shiro to be gay, became too afraid to have Shiro have any friendships, including ones that had already been established.

Lance goes to ask Allura out, and he’s uncharacteristically shy and dorky around her. If this had been how Lance behaved for most of the show, his interest in Allura throughout the show might not have been so obnoxious. But because he so specifically was overbearing in his flirtation and aggressive in his jealousy, the way he’s behaving now does not feel consistent with how he’s been written before. Lance is so casual that Allura says she has to get back to what she’s busy with, and Lance lets it be until Hunk literally kicks him into Allura. Lance then finally, with a tremendous amount of hesitancy, asks her out. He asks her to come have dinner with his family. Allura says she can’t, but Romelle pushes her to do it. The instant that Romelle starts to talk Allura into it, Lance seems to return to his regular overly aggressive self. What happened to him so fast?

Especially with this season added to the show, it really feels like the creative team never really could settle on how they wanted to depict Lance. They had the one-characteristic bullet-point that they’ve used to describe him in-show before and do so again here: “Loverboy.” They knew they wanted him to fit under that label, but they couldn’t elaborate on what that would mean for him specifically, so he’s written inconsistently throughout the show because of the creative team’s inability to unify behind any detailed description of who he is. It’s disappointing because Lance could have been such an amazing character. There were definitely times where he could have been used to examine some big issues, particularly if the show had ever had him grow out of his insecurities to a place of confidence. But aside from this episode and once with Keith in 3x06 “Tailing a Comet,” Lance hasn’t really made his insecurities public. And in having him get with Allura, the show kind of feels like it’s discarding his insecurities entirely. That sends a dangerous message: that it’s a woman’s responsibility to make a man feel secure in himself.

That’s one of the biggest issues with the show writing Lance and Allura ending up together. Throughout the show Lance has expressed interest in Allura, while she has repeatedly demonstrated no interest in him. There has been a little bit of movement on Allura’s part toward interest in Lance: 6x01 “Omega Shield” when Allura left her Lion to go to Lance’s and use her magic to heal him (though some viewers think so, I am not of the opinion that Lance died in that episode), and then in 7x10 “Heart of the Lion” when Allura initiates a brief conversation with Lance before going on a mission. There hasn’t been any movement on Lance’s part to consciously recognize his prior overbearing behavior to have been inappropriate and him changing the way he behaves toward Allura as a result. Because of this, the show effectively gave validity to the argument behind the Nice Guy trope. That all guys have to do to receive the attention of a girl they’re interested in is keep at her until eventually she realizes he is what she’s wanted all along. This show never criticizes Lance for this behavior, and instead rewards him for it. It’s a dangerous message for this show to send its younger male audience because it teaches them to not respect when a girl/woman tells them no. I’m not against the premise of an Allura-Lance relationship, but it really needed to address Lance’s overbearing flirtatiousness and jealousy (or better yet, not have written Lance to have been so jealous in the first place).

Pidge is working with Beezer in a hydroponics room. Allura and Romelle come in to ask for help preparing for Allura’s date with Lance. Romelle specifically asks about clothes. Pidge reacts, “A date? With Lance? Weird.” What’s weird is that line. Why would Pidge think it was weird? The show never actually explains Pidge’s reaction here. Allura asks Pidge to help her get a date outfit, and that’s when Pidge’s mother speaks to mock Pidge’s clothing. Pidge suggests the mall, but she says she can’t go because she’s grounded.

Colleen says, “She’s grounded because apparently my daughter thinks that running away from home and galivanting off into space without her mother’s permission is an acceptable activity for a 15-year-old.” The show thinks Colleen’s statement is funny. It’s not funny at all. One, who is Colleen to speak, considering that she should be in prison along with Sam for breaking the law in 7x07 “The Last Stand Part 1.” Two, how are we viewers supposed to think Colleen has any credibility when she says Pidge has been “galivanting off into space?” Does Colleen not remember Earth being invaded and occupied by aliens for three years? Does she not realize the danger her daughter has been in while trying to fight this war against the Galra? Does she not realize that without Pidge’s actions, Matt and Sam wouldn’t have ever come home? “Galivanting off into space,” why in the world did they think it was okay to write Colleen like this? I think this demonstrates a big part of what has been wrong with the writing for most of this show: This show has been more interested in writing particular moments without any concern with how those moments clash and conflict with previous writing. There is no way that a mother would react upon learning their child had been fighting a war by acting like that child was running around having fun the way Colleen does here.

Pidge rants and screams at her mom. There is a justification to Pidge’s reaction, but the scene plays her anger for humor. And then the scene, again, thinking it’s funny, has Colleen’s eyes and voice affected evilly as she says, “Not on your life, young lady.” Colleen scares Beezer in the process. It’s disturbing that the creative team for this show thought this was funny.

Allura asks Colleen to please let Pidge help her, and Colleen instantly switches, saying, “Alright, but only because I know how much Katie hates shopping for clothing.” Ugh.

The show could have had a really good moment, had they chosen to do so, in having Colleen and Pidge talk about Pidge’s experience and Colleen’s worry over her whole family being missing. There is emotionally significant content to what this family has gone through. But the show never had the skill to deal with any content like that. Instead, they have a weird, jarring “humor” scene like this instead. It just does not work.

Sam is told that Luca is conscious. And it’s a really short scene.

In addition to Pidge, Allura and Romelle have the female MFE pilots join them shopping too. I can’t help but feel that this episode is totally reinforcing stereotypical female behavior. The girls are going shopping for clothes for a date. This episode is a severe reinforcement of traditionalized gender norms, and it feels like the show wanted to write and depict the stereotype, like they thought actively including the stereotype was somehow interesting. It’s not. It’s actually kind of cliché.

Rizavi says that she “loves shopping.” This is the closest thing to being a characteristic that this show has given Rizavi so far. Leifsdottir replies, “It’s a primal urge from when collecting and gathering was a means of survival.” Well, that’s a hypothesis, but it is still gender reductive.

Pidge sees a video game some street vender has on display. Rizavi is also interested. The vender wants to barter, and Pidge and Rizavi are seemingly baffled by the idea. Did they not come prepared to shop? Is it specifically that this guy wants to barter? No one offers him money though, so it’s like they have no way to shop at all. Rizavi tries to guilt the guy into giving it to Pidge because of Pidge being a Paladin. I didn’t realize abusing a position of power like Rizavi is trying to do here, was a heroic way to behave. The vender only knows of the Paladins through the TV show. It was only a few months ago that Voltron helped liberate Earth, and the Paladins’ involvement was very publicly referenced, so his only thinking of the Paladins as a TV show is unrealistic. The vender offers her the game because his daughter loves the TV show and he’d like an autograph. Pidge then starts affecting her voice like the character in the TV show. It’s so weird. Rather than actually sign an autograph, Pidge draws her face. She then continues to use this method to acquire things throughout their shopping. She’s using people thinking of her as the actor on the show rather than as herself, so this is all fraud. Is the entire Holt family made up of criminals?

The show clearly thinks this is all funny. I’m not even slightly laughing. It’s just weird.

Meanwhile, Lance goes to talk to Coran. Lance tells Coran that he’s going on a date with Allura, and Coran is instantly aggressive, dismissing Lance for not being royalty nor Altean. Who knew Coran was both classist and racist. Lance says that he doesn’t think Allura thinks like that, and Coran responds, “It’s not just about Allura. Did you even acquire permission from her primary guardian?” Ugh! This episode really is putting a lot of effort into not just reinforcing traditionalized gender norms but into those norms being fundamentally patriarchal. The idea that a boy has to ask an older male who controls a young woman if he’s okay with the boy dating the girl is absolutely patriarchal. And this episode was written by Lauren Montgomery. The show can’t even hide behind saying it was some ignorant straight, white guy who wrote this. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that Lauren Montgomery has said that killing Allura was a feminist act of writing if this episode is what she wrote in her one, solo writing credit for the show.

The only thing that’s even slightly interesting to me about this scene is that Coran redressed his room to include a giant portrait of himself and Alfor above the mantle. During the time before season seven when I would let myself dream about the idea that this show might include a character who wasn’t straight, I actually thought they might could do so by having Coran having been attracted to Alfor but never acting on it. It would be a way for this show, like other shows have done, to claim inclusion without actually having to do any real inclusion by depicting any non-straight character interaction. It would have been cheap and the bare minimum of inclusion, but I’ve lived in a homophobic world so long that it’s about as much as I expect from straight writers who pretend they care about inclusion. But then Shiro was revealed as gay, as poorly as that whole element of the show was handled, and the show proved that there are other ways to claim inclusion without really actually depicting it.

But now this leaves me questioning. Is this portrait supposed to be some subtle way the show was trying to hint at Coran being gay? Or is it just supposed to be funny without an actual thought about what it actually means? It’s like the portrait is saying that Alfor and Coran were Allura’s fathers. As much as I would have loved for Allura to canonically have had two fathers, not just one biological father and one close friend of the family who serves as a surrogate father after the real one dies, this does emphasize how this show has totally neglected to include Allura’s mother in her life. We’re in the eighth season of this show, and it’s almost like she didn’t have a mother. I know there’s a bit of illusory dream sequence in a later episode, but Allura has never spoken about her mother, so it’s like they didn’t have much of a relationship. But if they didn’t have a relationship, I still would want that detailed. As for this portrait, it feels like the show is using queer identity here as a joke gimmick. If this portrait was revealed to have a bigger, more respectful meaning, I would like it more. I like the portrait but only because of what potential I can see in how it could have been used in the show. How it actually is used, though, seems to be nothing but as a joke.

Coran makes Lance argue his qualification to be allowed to date Allura. Reinforcing the patriarchy is so much fun. Sigh.

The girls meanwhile have gotten a lot of stuff in their shopping. The clothing options they try for Allura are supposed to be funny, but it just seems like a cliché trying-on-clothing scene to me. The shopkeeper seems to be the Unilu that Coran dealt with in both 2x07 “Space Mall” and 4x04 “The Voltron Show!” Pidge tries her autograph fraud, but the guy says no. Allura says she could give him a “royal decree of service from the crowned princess of Altea,” but then seems instantly dejected, like she doesn’t see herself as the Princess of Altea anymore. There is something meta interesting about how this show has let Allura’s status of being a princess no longer have any meaning.

The Unilu sees Pidge’s game and offers the outfit for the game. Pidge gives it up for the outfit, and Allura hugs her and thanks her. I love Allura’s reaction. I don’t understand why Pidge did it though. Yeah, yeah, friendship and all that, but the episode doesn’t do anything to show this plot as being Pidge and Allura bonding with each other. Maybe if it had just been the two of them shopping, it might read like that, but with the whole group it doesn’t. It’s clear that Pidge feels she’s giving up something, but the episode fails to explain why she’s willing to do it.

Sam asks Coran if Romelle could help speak to Luca. Coran says, “I’ll see if I can find her.” This is not Coran’s voice actor speaking. I don’t have the best ear to spot moments like this when a character’s voice does not match their normal voice actor, but I know that some within the fandom have suggested there are quite a few moments like this in season eight. This is definitely one such moment. This line is not Rhys Darby’s voice. (Anyone reading this, please feel free to point out other instances this season where the voice of a character doesn’t sound like their voice actor.)

Cut to a sunset scene. The music for this sunset scene is the same as the music from 7x01 “A Little Adventure” during the flashback with Keith and Shiro watching the sunset. This is another part of why it offends me that this show didn’t have Shiro and Keith hanging out together. Shiro had told everyone to spend time with people they cared about. Here Keith is by himself when he could have been hanging out with Shiro. They’re supposed to be super close, after all. And the show has the audacity to use the music of a scene that was part of the exploration of why and how Shiro and Keith were so close, and instead now have Keith alone and joined by Lance. Maybe the reuse of the music is just more evidence of how badly produced this season was that they didn’t bother getting new music, that they didn’t think through reusing old music, ignoring how repeating themes has an explicit effect on the interpretation of a scene? I mean, after watching this show enough, analyzing what I have, reading the analysis others have written, I can’t help but to question the competence of the executive producers and their creative team. Maybe they really were ignorant of the use of music in film and video series. Or maybe in reusing this music, they were making a statement about no longer caring about the relationship between Shiro and Keith. We know that the EPs always had a preference for Keith and only ever saw Shiro as a something to have Keith narratively step on in his ascendance to the position of main character of the show. Maybe to them, this music is only Keith’s music, and they don’t recognize the music as an expression of Shiro and Keith’s relationship. Maybe using the music again here, unassociated with Shiro, was a homophobic action on part of the EPs and their creative team in trying to distance Keith from Shiro now that they had written Shiro as gay. Or maybe they just didn’t put much thought into the implications of using this music in this scene. They haven’t demonstrated themselves to be all that willing (or capable) of thinking through the implications of their creative decisions, after all.

In short, I really, really do not like this scene.

Lance is wearing pots and pans all over his body. He says Coran is making him wear it for his date with Allura. It’s supposed to be funny, but it’s not. Keith reacts, “A date? With Allura? Well done, Lance.” I’m sorry, what? The show seems to consider a guy getting a girl to say yes to him is an achievement on the guy’s part. He’s done something well by finally getting her to say yes. “Well done.” Ugh. Allura is a person, not an achievement.

Keith tries to reassure Lance that if Allura’s dating him that it’s because she likes him. This development between Lance and Allura just does not feel natural to me. It could have, but the show was too lazy to do the work to deal with the baggage that comes with having spent so long writing Lance to be hyper flirtatious and instantaneously jealous.

Keith says, “That’s why we’ve got to end this war. And we’re going to do it with the Lance who’s the Paladin of the Red Lion, the Lance that’s always got my back, and the Lance who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer.” There really hasn’t been anything to explain a change in Lance no longer having a problem with Keith. It’s like once 7x06 “The Journey Within” was done, the show decided to pretend that that plot solved whatever contention there was between Lance and Keith. Part of the problem is that the show never actually explained where that contention came from. They were supposedly rivals, but why? I think their being rivals was more bullet-point characterization. The creative team never bothered to develop an explanation for themselves, so there was never anything to include in the show to explain it. Their rivalry extended no further than just saying that they were rivals. Keith says that Lance now “knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer,” and this sounds like they intend this to reference Lance’s insecurities, but the show has not actually resolved those insecurities. It’s just more of this show having important character stuff all occur off-screen.

The scene clearly was meant to be interpreted as emotional and demonstrating friendship between Keith and Lance, but there are too many holes in the scene for it to actually feel like that to me.

Allura arrives at Lance’s family’s house. I actually really do like the clothes Lance is wearing for this date. Allura is reduced to her appearance by both Lance’s mother and Lance himself by how energetically they comment on her appearance as she walks through the door. Their reactions to Allura are just too forceful.

Lance has on-screen identified himself as being from Cuba. I found it odd that back in 7x05 “The Ruins,” Lance calls his grandmother “meemaw” instead of abuela or abuelita. Here, he calls his grandfather “Pop Pop,” which does not seem like what a Cuban boy would call his grandfather. Veronica also calls their grandfather “Pop Pop.” I don’t know Cuban culture well at all, but even still it seems off to me. It makes it feel like Lance has only ever been Cuban in name only.

During dinner, Lance’s family spends a lot of time mocking him. This could very much be an origin for most of Lance’s insecurities. He’s clearly upset as they laugh at him. We’re told by one of Lance’s relatives that the only reason Lance is being allowed to sit at “the adult table” during this meal is because Lance invited Allura. It really doesn’t feel like Lance’s family values him. This scene is supposed to be showing to us the big love Lance felt was missing all the times throughout earlier seasons he expressed sadness over being so far apart from his family. But this doesn’t feel like a loving family to me, and Lance is not reacting in any way right now like he’s okay with how they’re behaving. His arms are crossed, and he’s scowling. They’re clearly making him feel bad. And I get the impression that we’re to interpret this as how they normally treat him. So then, if his family picks on him so much, why would he miss them so badly earlier in the show. It does not feel consistently written whatsoever.

Veronica hints to Lance that she’s interested in Keith, and Lance very loudly and animatedly objects to the idea, and it’s really weird. Did the show not just immediately prior to dinner give us a scene in which we’re supposed to interpret the rift between Lance and Keith as resolved? Where is this spastic reversal coming from?

As an aside, Lance’s mother tells Allura, “Lance never brings girls home. You must really mean something to him.” Allura says, “That’s strange. He always gave off the impression of being rather popular with women.” His mother replies, “He gets that from his father. It’s all talk. But if you can get past that, you’ll find a good boy with a big heart.” Wow. So, Lance’s father is hyper flirtatious and aggressively jealous too? That is not a healthy mentality for this show to be normalizing like it is. And to have Lance’s mother excuse that behavior like it’s okay for a man to behave that way is appalling. The line, “if you can get past that, you’ll find a good boy with a big heart,” is the show saying that it’s a woman’s responsibility to make herself not have a problem with a guy who flirts with nearly every woman he sees and gets aggressively jealous over her. This is just so wrong. And that this was written by a female writer makes it even more disturbing.

Veronica leads a toast “to family,” and even Lance, despite having been picked on, is happy about the toast. Allura, however, is saddened by it, and Lance notices.

Meanwhile, Romelle talks to Luca. This is the one scene of Romelle’s in the entire series that I actually really like. This scene hints to me at what Romelle could have been to this show had she been written well. The scene first reestablishes that Romelle knows Luca personally as she starts the conversation. Romelle says, “I’m so glad to see you’re alright Luca. We can help. What happened to you, where’s the Colony?” Luca rejects Romelle, saying, “So you can betray them yet again? You abandoned us, Romelle. And for the Paladins of Voltron! The very ones who killed our savior, Lotor!” Romelle is shocked at Luca’s reaction. Luca continues, “You’ve sided with the Great Destroyers! She told us of their lies! She’s going to fix it all! She’ll reunite us with Lotor! With Altea! You don’t stand a chance against Honerva!”

And then Luca gasps, there’s a flash, an outlined shot of Honerva’s face, and Luca falls over dead. Seems like Honerva killed Luca from a distance with her space magic to keep her from talking anymore. There’s a shot of Honerva, like so much of this show, still weirdly standing in the middle of an empty room. So now, the episode has confirmed where Luca came from, that her attack on Earth at the end of last season had at least something to do with Honerva, thereby setting Honerva up as the final big villain of the show. I have never really found Honerva/Haggar interesting. But, I guess, at least the final main villain being Honerva does sort of stage the conflict as Honerva versus Allura, space witch versus space witch. Honerva as a foil for Allura is a good structure for the show. I don’t think the show does well exploring that foil parallel though because none of what Honerva does is related to any of Allura’s character motivations. The best villains in stories are ones who are directly connected to the protagonist’s goals. This show doesn’t give Allura any goals other than stop the Galra though. The protagonist-antagonist contention for this season, and really most of the show as a whole, is barely existent. The story would have been far stronger if the protagonists had had clear goals.

Lance and Allura go for a walk to a park. They look at leafless trees. Lance says, “This place used to be so beautiful,” and Allura responds, “It’s my fault the Galra did this to your home.” We’re not told where in the world they are nor what time of year it is. Given this bit of dialog, I think we’re supposed to interpret these trees as dead. But my first thought was that it was autumn, and the trees had lost their leaves. Lance tries to reassure Allura that it’s not her fault and that he’s glad to have met her. Allura touches the tree and does a hand-glowing thing. The tree glows, grows, and all the plants around the park gain leaves. So, again, we were supposed to interpret the trees of this park as having somehow died, right? And she just brought them back to life? Or did she just make them gain leaves in the middle or depth of autumn?

Allura says that while Team Voltron was out in the universe fighting the Galra, “I somehow felt like we were a family.” Of course, the show never really depicted them as being a loving family. Most of the characters always were angrily yelling at each other. “Each of us was alone, but we were alone together,” she says. Clearly, the writer thinks this is a poignant line, but, while it does have a certain truth to it, it’s not a flattering one. Being “alone, but […] alone together,” isn’t being a family. It isn’t being friends. It isn’t a close bond. It’s a statement that though they had to work together, they never actually were close to each other.

“But now, here on Earth, I see that everyone already has a family.” Well, Shiro doesn’t. Not that this show cared about addressing that because that would require the EPs and the writers to care about Shiro. It’s also really weird to have Allura talking like she doesn’t have a family, when the show very explicitly visually juxtaposed Allura being visited by Coran and Romelle in the hospital at the end of 7x13 “Lions’ Pride Part 2” with Hunk and his family, Pidge and her family, Lance and his family, and even Keith with Krolia and Kolivan. Why is this show suddenly having Allura discard Coran as part of her sense of family? This very episode had Coran acting as if he were Allura’s father. Having Allura act this way now is so out of place.

She continues that they have “a home to return to once the war is over. Everyone except me.” I can totally understand her being sad over Altea being gone. That is totally reasonable to bring up. It has an unfortunate dimension given what happens at the end of this season though. The season opens with Allura lamenting not having a family and a home to return to after the war is over, and then ends the show by having her give up her life, rebooting all existence, restoring Altea to existence, but she doesn’t get to benefit from her work. She doesn’t get to go home.

Allura’s story this entire season is hugely depressing, and I remember the first time I watched this season feeling that Allura herself was deeply depressed the whole time. That’s not a good message for the show to send either: If you’re depressed, then the only way out is dying.

“It’s silly,” she continues, “but I used to think that the team relied on me.” It once did, back in seasons one and two. But then the EPs wanted Keith as Black Paladin more than anything, and that put Allura in the Blue Lion, and ever since, her position of leadership has been eliminated. She just follows orders from Keith now. It makes me mourn for what Allura could have been if she been written with respect and a desire to show a strong female character in a position of leadership instead of reduced to a magical person of color who has to give up her life to magically fix everyone’s problems. In past commentaries, I have referred to Allura’s previous position of leadership on the Castle of Lions as being like she was an admiral overseeing the fleet. Imagine what it would be like if she was in command of the Atlas, not as Captain, but as an Admiral. Imagine how she could have been written such that Sanda was another foil to Allura, and with Sanda gone, Allura filling that void in fleet leadership.

Allura says that she gains strength from the Paladins. I mean, sure, that should be blatantly true by this point in a story with a found family theme, and it should be true for everyone about everyone in that found family. I don’t think that it is anywhere near fully realized though.

Lance tries to assure her, telling her that she’s not alone. “I don’t care that this is only our first date, Allura, I love you.” Really? This show went there, having Lance say “I love you” on the first date, and the creative team of this show didn’t think there was anything wrong with that? It’s at least notably immature of him to have done so. That the solution to a woman having complex emotions and thoughts about something is to just tell her “I love you” and everything is solved?

In response to Allura’s asking, “You truly feel that way,” Lance takes Allura’s hand and makes her touch his chest and says, “With all my heart.” It’s a little cliché, but it’s still way too soon. Against a glowing background, Lance and Allura, in silhouette, kiss. I wonder if this kiss was added late into the production because the animation is stiff and a little jerky and feels really different to most of the show’s animation.

So yeah, their first date and Lance has said “I love you” and they’ve kissed. On the first date. Now, I know this show doesn’t have the patience to build up a story over time, the show has taken so many narrative short-cuts, but this is just too damn fast. It just feels like there’s something missing to get to this point.

Beezer arrives for some reason. He takes a picture and gives it to them. Why is Beezer in the park? There definitely feels like there’s something missing.

Allura arrives at her room, and Coran and Romelle are waiting for her. Cut to the meeting room, where the three of them are talking to Shiro. Allura says, “If Honerva sent that beast, then our mission must change.” Shiro says, “No, we have a plan and we need to stick to it. If Honerva is behind this, then I’m sure we’ll find her along the way.” Allura follows up, “Or she’ll find us.” It is interesting that Allura’s instincts were very much right here. I wonder how much difficulty they could have spared the universe (and other realities) if they had altered their mission to actively looking for Honerva.

The time has come for the team to leave, Voltron and the Atlas. I like getting another shot of the scale of the Lions next to the Atlas for comparison. I do very much like the design of the Atlas ship. A huge crowd is there to see them off.

I’ve seen people point out this animation error before, and I want to point it out again because it’s odd. In the first shot behind the Paladins and crew on the stage, from center stage outward, the Paladins are standing Keith, Lance, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk. Then in the next shot, a reverse shot, from center stage outward, it’s Keith, Allura, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. It’s odd that Lance and Allura are flipped from one shot to the next.

Sam starts a speech, and then Keith takes over. Allura then takes over from Keith. There’s a montage of Hunk hugging his family and Lance hugging his. One of Lance’s family hugs Allura such that he lifts her off the ground.

Then Shiro takes over from Allura. “Each of you have given something to this fight. Many have been lost, but not in vain because through their sacrifice, many more will live on.” The memorial wall of the dead of the Garrison is shown, and then a close up of Sanda’s placard. Why in the freaking world would they chose to juxtapose Shiro’s statement with Sanda’s picture instead of Adam’s? That’s really offensive and shows how little this creative team actually cared about Shiro and Adam and the inclusion of a queer relationship on the show.

The Atlas launches. I have to agree with others who’ve pointed it out, the way Shiro is standing in the shot of the camera looking over Team Voltron from behind on the bridge of the Atlas does not look like Shiro’s posture, it looks very much like how we’ve seen Allura stand many times before.

The music during the launch is nice.

So, that’s the first episode of the final season. It’s very much a different kind of story than most episodes of the show. There is a lot of focus on relationships of various kinds. The Allura-Lance romance is most prominent, and it’s really uncomfortable. It just amazes me that a story that so strongly reinforces traditional gender norms, patriarchal family structures, and rewards a male character with success through the nice guy trope was written by a female writer.

[demented-dukey]

Hey DD! If a person was taught to be one way, and they want to change, how do they go about it? Especially when their automatic reaction is the negative behaviour? (An example would be someone who was taught to be racist but is trying not to be)

*cracks knuckles* Okay! Here we go. Thank you for your patience, Anon. I wanted to give your question the contemplation it deserved.

Part of being human is being instilled from birth with undesirable mindsets from society and mentors/parental figures. Adulthood is a constant struggle for self-improvement, and it can take a lot of time and effort to root out these negative impacts and re-train yourself.

The first step to changing is having the ~desire~ to change. You have to recognize the behavior in yourself, and want to change it.

I read somewhere that your knee-jerk reaction is what has been taught/trained into you, and your second reaction is how you truly feel. As a personal example, when I see someone who is overweight wearing a tight outfit in public, my knee-jerk reaction is usually, “Oh, ew, tight clothing is not flattering on that size of body.” But I know that this is a result of years and years of fatphobic thinking that I’m still working on dismantling. My second reaction, on the heels of the first, is usually along the lines of, “Good for them for feeling comfortable in their body. It is none of my business how they choose to clothe themselves. Automatically assuming that overweight people cannot wear tight clothing is fatphobic - anybody can wear whatever they want to.” Don’t beat yourself up if your kneejerk reaction continues to be negative - it takes a long, long time to dismantle negative behavior, and as long as you recognize it and continue to work on it, you’re making progress.

You brought up racism, which. Whoo, boy. Tough topic. As someone who grew up White and Sheltered, I have a ~lot~ of feelings on the topic. I’m probably not the best person to talk to about this, but I’ll do my best.

Brace yourselves. Controversial topic incoming.

I’m White. I’m racist. I do my ~best~ not to behave in a racist way, but the fact is, I was born white, and have access to privileges due to the color of my skin. I CAN DO MY BEST TO COUNTERACT THIS, AND BEHAVE IN A NON-RACIST WAY, BUT THE FACT REMAINS, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE WHITE IN THIS COUNTRY AND NOT BE A LITTLE BIT RACIST. Maybe other people have different opinions, but this is where I stand. You can’t work to try to fix the problem if you’re denying that you’re part of the problem.

So. Every day, I try ~not~ to be racist. When I’m in a group setting, part of my mind makes a note of whether the group is primarily White or if it includes an even mix of POC. If I have any control over a situation, I try to make it more inclusive. I make a note of how much of my media is White-centric, and make a point to consume media led by POC actors or told by POC voices. If I’m in a racial discussion with fellow White People, I will vocally speak up on behalf of POC, and I will call out other White People on their racist comments. If I am in a racial discussion with POC, I will step aside and let them tell their own stories, and I will listen to them. I constantly work to make myself aware of my White Privilege, and I do what I can to help those less fortunate. I try to learn Black History/Native American History, and critically examine how much of my education has been white-washed.

Spanish is the leading second language in the US, and I am slowly trying to pick up a few words. If I am speaking with someone online who speaks another language, I will try to be considerate - it takes literally seconds to run my words through Google Translate, and if someone else is making the effort to speak with me in my language, the least I can do is make an effort to return the favor. If they’re comfortable conversing in English, then I won’t fight them on it, but I will let them make that decision.

I have a small group of close friends IRL, and yeah, they’re primarily white. I would like to have more close friends of various ethnicities, but on the other hand, wanting a Black Friend because They’re Black is a very racist mindset. I don’t want to be one of Those White People who say “I’m not racist! Some of my best friends are Black!” Because, ew. If I had more POC friends, I would be afraid that I would start unconsciously letting myself slip and assigning them the obligation to keep my racism in check, which, also, ew. So I guess that’s one silver lining to having mostly white friends. I’m open to making new friends, but I’m not going to force the issue. If I naturally become close friends with someone who is POC, then that would be awesome, but I feel really icky about trying to make friends WITH THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF HAVING POC FRIENDS. Because that seems to me like kinda a shitty thing to do.

So, yeah. You asked how to go about changing your behavior, so here’s my advice: Work on it. Pay attention to how you behave, and how other people behave. Try to find someone who behaves in a positive way, and work to emulate them. Try to find someone who has gone through the change themselves, so they can help you know what to expect. Understand that this may be a life-long struggle, and you may never be fully “fixed”. Break yourself out of your own comfort zone, and expose yourself to media that was not aimed at you. Take a hard look at the echochamber that you live in, and work on incorporating and accepting new voices and ideas into it. Stand up for those who are uncomfortable or unable to stand up for themselves. Don’t ignore or bask in your privilege, use it to help those who are less privileged.

For the racism thing, if you have a friend who is a POC, pull them aside and talk to them. Tell them that you’re trying to change, and ask them if they’re willing to help you. No one is obligated to spend their spoons on you, so if they’re willing to help, listen to them with an open mind. Don’t get defensive when they correct you. Listen to them tell you their perspective, and work on correcting any behavior they point out. When you’re talking to someone online and you don’t know what they look like, try mental exercises of picturing them with different ethnicities and see if your mind makes any assumptions.

Finally, I’m a huge supporter of therapy. I honestly think that ~EVERYBODY~ could benefit from a therapist. It gets a bad rep, because ppl think if you’re in therapy, then there must be something wrong with you. But it’s not just for mental issues and trauma. Therapy can be a great way to work through your personal biases, and the help of a professional can be exactly what you need to break out of these kinds of negative mindsets. They can help you explore where these mindsets came from, how to break them, and how to move forward with a better grip on your own mind and perspective. There’s bad/racist/transphobic/etc therapists out there, so if you don’t find a good one at first, don’t be afraid to drop them and keep looking. There are good therapists out there, and it is ~literally~ their ~job~ to help you change your own negative behavior. Don’t let the stigma of therapy scare you away from using this valuable resource.

I hope this helps, Anon! Good luck!

[natasha-cole]

What Happens in Vegas Part 13

Rob Benedict x Reader

Chapter Summary: Reader is doing her part to play along now. She agrees to a night out with the group before another con weekend. No one expected the night to take such an unexpected turn though; and now Reader is faced with her real feelings for Rob. Regardless of how she truly feels, she’s got a habit of pretending otherwise.

Word Count: 4127

Warnings: swearing probably? fighting.

Notes: I caved and decided to give you a little something special here. But, don’t make the mistake of thinking everything is easy from here on out.

Catch Up: Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8   Part 9

Part 10  Part 11  Part 12

Reader’s POV

In an attempt to do your part in the deal that you and Rob had going on, you opted to go ahead and fly with him to Montreal for the next con. You figured it was abound to look suspicious if you continued to fly separately, especially since you were going to the same place all the time.

He had done well for the rest of the week back home following your calling him out on the fact that he had to choose the company he kept wisely. It most certainly wasn’t a jealousy thing with you; after all, you weren’t a real couple, but you were well aware of how even the tiniest thing could cause things to go very badly for both of you. You didn’t want to be the overbearing, bossy wife; but you really didn’t want him to screw this up for you. In actuality, you didn’t care what he did with his life, but you were working hard to keep a spotless image for yourself.

In all actuality, spending time with Rob wasn’t all that unpleasant. Maybe it was the fact that you were living with him for now, but the two of you were actually getting along well. There were still small spats between you, but mostly you were on the same page about most things. As you got to know him better, you sort of stopped hating him.

Your flight had been nice as you talked about how to handle the weekend coming up. Neither of you had been great about communicating in the past, but you felt that your time in L.A. together had helped with that. Now, you were able to actually map out the expectations and thoughts that you had about this situation while you would be spending yet another weekend in the fandom eye.

When you arrived in Montreal and made your way to the hotel; you didn’t even blink as Rob checked the two of you into your room. Normally, you’d be up in arms over having to share with him, but it seemed so normal at this point. You chuckled as you listened to him give the man at the front desk another fake alias; wondering why you found it hilarious this time as opposed to how offended you had been the last time.

You and Rob situated yourselves in the room and you couldn’t help but to notice the way things were no longer ridiculously awkward. You seemed to move in unison, reading each other as you claimed your spaces in the room. It was as if you had been doing this for so long, you just knew what the other was going to do.

This was far more relaxed than the last time, and you were grateful for that at least. You were pretty tired of the tenseness that had been there between the two of you, and while you still very much didn’t want to be married to him, you at least wanted for the remainder of the marriage to go smoothly.

“Drinks?” Rob asked as he stared at his phone.

“What?”

“Rich,” he began. “He sent me a text and said everyone’s going out to dinner and going for drinks after.”

“Rich is talking to you?”

“I guess so,” he shrugged. “Maybe he’s done being pissed at us.”

“I doubt it,” you chuckled. “But at least he’s making the effort to include us still.”

“What do you think?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“I’ll just let him know that we’ll be there,” he said as he began to text Rich back.

After a surprisingly mellow dinner with everyone; the entire group headed to a bar that was highly recommended. The idea of drinking around these people again had you a bit nervous. You only had one real experience in partying with them; and experience that didn’t end well for anyone. You figured the worst thing that could ever happen in that case was already playing out, how much worse could it get? So, you allowed yourself to get caught up in the fun of actually being friendly with everyone again. You allowed yourself to enjoy a night out, even if you were thinking about the fact that you now had a husband who was there with you.

You wondered how you were expected to act tonight since you and Rob were in close proximity. Were you expected to hang all over him the way that any new wife would? Should you be focused on sticking by his side all night? Your worries about how to act right now were eased when Ruth and Kim stole you away and insisted that you join them at the bar.

“You don’t have to be with him all night,” Kim explained. “No one is going to think anything bad just because you step away from him now and then.”

“I just need this to look real. I need people to believe that we’re in love,” you replied as you stood with her and Ruth.

“I get that. But, based on the way that he’s looking at you from across the bar; anyone who sees that will think that he’s in love with you.”

You glance his way, catching him staring at you. You gave him a half-smile and he beamed back at you, causing your stomach to flip in response. Why were you feeling like this just because he was looking at you?

Rob’s POV

He wondered how much was too much at this point. He knew that he needed to at least make it look like he was in love with her, and he assumed she was still insistent on that as well. But, he realized that he didn’t quite know what the boundaries were here. Did he just sit back and watch her adoringly? Was he supposed to be touchy feely with her, sneaking in to steal kisses like any normal newlywed couple would behave? He made a mental note to make sure they discussed this later.

He chose to stay seated and just glance over at her occasionally. It could still be believable this way, he didn’t have to be hanging all over her all night. As long as people saw them interact here and there and he made it look as if she was stealing his attention throughout the night, it could be believable.

He was in the middle of vaguely listening to Rich and Briana as they talked about something. He wasn’t even sure anymore. He was still sort of nervous over how he should be acting with Y/N at this point. He nodded as Rich directed a question at him, not even hearing what was said. He kept his eyes on Y/N who was now chatting with Ruth and Kim at the bar. If nothing else, she at least seemed happy as she talked excitedly with them; laughing and smiling enough to lead everyone in this bar to think that she really was happy.

“Earth to Rob,” Rich said, waving a hand in front of Rob’s face and breaking him from his trance on Y/N.

“Oh, hey,” Rob muttered. “What’s up?”

“I said, how are the two of you holding up?”

“Me and Y/N?”

“Yeah, you and Y/N.”

“We’re okay actually.” Rob focused on Rich and Briana now. “Actually, this whole living together thing has helped a lot I think.”

“Really?” Briana asked. “We all thought that was going to be a terrible idea.”

“Not at all. I mean, we’ve been hanging out a lot, actually getting to know each other. I think it’s really helping us get along better.”

“Well, that’s sweet,” Rich chimed in, taking a drink from his beer.

“Dude, can you not?”

“What? I said it was sweet.”

“Yeah,” Rob rolled his eyes. “And it didn’t sound sarcastic at all.”

“Look, I’m trying here,” Rich replied. “Y/N said some stuff to me on set, and I know that I’ve been hard on both of you. I still think you’re idiots and I still hate this entire thing, but I’ll try to be nicer.”

“Really? I can’t say I was expecting this.”

“Also, Briana told me she’d kick my ass if I wasn’t nice to the two of you this weekend.”

Rob grinned at Briana, who only gave him a knowing smile as if to say that Rich wasn’t lying. It wasn’t the way that Rob wanted Rich to learn to accept this choice, but if it worked, he wasn’t arguing.

In the middle of their conversation; something that Rob had missed a lot with his friends since this whole thing had happened, something at the bar caught Rich’s attention.

“Looks like someone else is moving in on your wife,” Rich chuckled as he nodded in the direction of the bar.

Rob turned to see what he meant. There at the bar, a man had approached Y/N, Kim, and Ruth; but he was obviously keeping his seemingly unwanted attention on Y/N. Rob immediately grew anxious. He thought he recognized the man as just a random person who had offered to buy Y/N a drink when they first arrived at the bar. She had declined politely and the guy had backed off. Now, he was back and too close for comfort, despite the fact that Y/N had made it clear that she wasn’t interested.

Again, Rob was plagued with questions. Should he step in now and get rid of the guy? Could Y/N handle it on her own, or more importantly, would she rather handle it on her own?

He watched as the man stepped in closer to Y/N. Her earlier happy expression had faded quickly and Rob felt himself grow uncomfortable by how uncomfortable she appeared to be now.

“At what point does a fake husband step in to get rid of a creep?” Rob asked out loud, directing his thought to Rich and Briana.

He kept his eyes on the scene, and felt his heart drop when he saw the man reach and arm around Y/N, moving his hand down the small of her back until he stopped and grabbed her ass. That was all he saw. Well, that and the look of complete shock on Y/N’s face.

“I think that’s the point,” Rich responded as he too watched the entire thing happen.

Rob was already out of his seat and approaching Y/N though. He could feel his face heat up in anger and the adrenaline began to rush through him. The guy was obviously bigger than he was, and he was sure that interfering was going to lead to him getting pummeled. It didn’t matter though. He was seeing red and his immediate instinct was to protect her.

He walked quickly toward Y/N, watching as she attempted to shove the guy away. She was upset now and Kim and Ruth were shouting something at the man that Rob couldn’t quite hear. He wasn’t taking no for an answer though; so Rob moved a little faster, now feeling like he had to protect them all.

Rob placed himself in between Y/N and the man, shoving him back a bit which at least led to the guy losing his grip on her. ‘Yeah, this guy’s a lot bigger than I thought,’ he thought to himself as he forced himself to face the guy.

“Can I help you?” The man asked, looking down at Rob with an annoyed look.

“Yeah, you can help everyone by backing the fuck off.”

“This has nothing to do with you.”

“Actually, it does. She’s my wife.”

“What?” The man grinned and pointed to Y/N. “This pretty girl right here is married to you?”

“Yes,” Y/N replied.

“I suggest you just back off now before I get really pissed,” Rob added.

“What do you think you’re gonna do?” The man asked with a challenging smirk. He took a step closer to Rob.

He stopped briefly to consider this. He really didn’t know what he was doing. He had hoped that he could keep his cool long enough to get out of this by simply talking to the guy. Apparently that wasn’t working. He was still overcome with the want to hit the guy; something that he knew would not go well for him. He sized the man up again and let out the breath he had been holding in. Yeah, he was definitely going to get his ass kicked tonight. It may have been simpler to just take Y/N and get the hell out of there, but something in him wanted to prove a point. It wasn’t okay to grab women, and it wasn’t okay to be so persistent when a woman was obviously not interested.

Rob steeled himself, knowing that he was about to make a big mistake. The only thing he hoped to gain from it was getting this guy to back off finally.

“Well,” Rob began as he stepped back a bit from the guy and readied himself. “I guess I’m going to have to do this…”

Reader’s POV

You would have thought it was really sweet that Rob had stepped in and was defending you in any other case. Right now though, that thought seemed to fade when you realized he was basically picking a fight with this guy who was much bigger than he was.

The moment that you noticed Rob step back when the man challenged him with the words, ‘What do you think you’re gonna do?’, you knew that shit was about to get real bad, real fast.

However, you didn’t have time to react or even try to convince Rob to just step down. You could have easily dragged him out of there; avoiding the creep and what was about to happen altogether.

Before you could think, Rob had pulled back and hit the guy; which only startled him briefly. The next few minutes were a dizzying blur as you were inexplicably pulled away from the fight that was quickly unfolding in front of you. You wanted to go to Rob out of instinct. You very suddenly hated yourself for this even happening right now.

“Stop, Y/N,” you heard Kim shout. You looked at her, now realizing that she was the one getting you away from the mess. You let her drag you away as the sudden feeling of guilt washed over you. The only relief that you felt came from when you saw some of your other friends rushing into the chaos.

You decided that it was best to stay away from it. You knew that no one was going to let Rob get his ass kicked, and you only hoped that whatever damage was caused in those first few seconds of him reacting like an idiot was minimal.

Almost as soon as the whole thing started, it was over. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Jason practically drag Rob away from the fight. You had missed what had happened; mostly because your view was skewed by the bodies that jumped in to stop it, but also because you really didn’t want to look. Now, you made your way to Jason and Rob, ready to yell at him for being such an idiot.

“So, we’re leaving,” Jason announced as the two of them approached you. You quickly glanced at Rob; relieved that the damage seemed to be minimal at least. He was certainly beat up a bit, but it didn’t look to be too concerning.

The entire group left before anything else could happen. Mostly, you were forced to when Rob was kicked out. No one else had to leave, but the fight had certainly put a damper on the night. You walked next to Rob as the group headed back to the hotel.

Neither of you said a word to each other. You looked toward him every now and then, trying to read his thoughts over what had just happened. He mostly looked emotionless. You on the other hand, were surprisingly worried.

Once you were in the privacy of your own room, you decided to make the effort to let Rob know that he was an idiot, but you still appreciated him.

You insisted that he lie down on the bed and you quickly grabbed the ice bucket, leaving the room briefly to retrieve ice to nurse his wounds. You prepped a makeshift ice pack once you got back and joined him on the bed, sitting next to him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said softly as you placed the towel just below his eye that was already starting to bruise. He flinched slightly and then relaxed.

“I know I didn’t,” he replied.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Why are you sorry? You’re not the creep who was going around grabbing people.”

“No, but I know you stepped in to defend your ‘wife’. This never would have happened otherwise.”

“You don’t think I would have stepped in even if we weren’t married?”

You dropped your eyes from his, now feeling ashamed as you pretended to be more concerned with his injuries.

“Because I would have done that regardless.”

“You would do that for any woman, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, I considered just grabbing you and getting you out of there; which is probably what I actually would have done if it had been any other woman I know,” he chuckled. “It’s usually best to avoid the fights or at least leave them for someone who is actually big enough to measure up. But, for you, I would have reacted the same way even if we weren’t married.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I saw him grab you and I just lost it.”

“Normally, I’d yell at you and tell you that you were an idiot,” you began.

“You’d tell me that you had it under control?”

“Yeah, I would normally say that.”

“I felt like you didn’t though. Which is why I reacted.”

“I mean, I probably would have gotten it under control after the shock wore off.”

“You seem like you can handle yourself pretty well.”

“Still, I appreciate you stepping in,” you said quietly before you gave him a smirk. “Even if you nearly got your ass kicked.”

“Hey, Jason said that I actually got the guy pretty good,” he smiled.

You smiled in return, moving the towel to his split lip that had stopped bleeding.

“I’m so proud,” you laughed.

You both kept quiet for a moment as you focused on taking care of him. You were nervous now over the way his eyes stayed on you tried to gently ice his lip. This was all your fault, and you wanted to do what you could to ease whatever pain he was in. The way he watched you though made you very aware of the fact that this was the first time the two of you had been this close. The night of the wedding didn’t count in your book. Honestly, this moment right here felt even more intimate than that.

“Thank you,” he whispered suddenly.

“For what?”

“For taking care of me right now.”

“It’s the least I could do. I’ve never had a man stand up for me like that,” you responded.

The two of you fell into silence again. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable this time. Now, you were just back to taking care of him while he watched you from his place on the bed. The only strangeness from the situation came from the feeling you got as you thought about the way he was watching you. It was almost as if this were a tender and sweet moment between the two of you.

When you figured his face was numb enough as the ice melted in the makeshift ice pack, you set the towel aside and moved onto the bed next to him. He scooted over slightly as you laid your body next to his; not too close but also not wanting to push him at arm's length this time. It wasn’t the first time you had shared a bed with him, but something about this moment made it an entirely new experience. You faced him, lying on your side to look at him as he moved to face you in turn.

Still, neither of you spoke; but you both seemed to be in the same mindset in the moment. You hesitantly placed a hand against his chest, watching for some sort of reaction as you considered if this was okay with him.. His reaction wasn’t what you expected, since you assumed that he hated you after everything, but he closed his eyes as his lips turned up into a soft smile. You felt him breathe out and you took it as your cue to move closer.

You only paused when your face was just inches from his. You waited for something, not quite sure what that something was right now. Maybe you just wanted an excuse to not do what you were thinking of doing.

“I think I’m waiting for someone to interrupt us,” you said.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “We’ve been interrupted a few times, huh?”

You nodded in return and he glanced up at you, those blue eyes studying you.

“I don’t think anyone is going to interrupt us right now,” he continued. “But you also don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.”

“What about the act?” You asked. “Aren’t we supposed to be a believable couple?”

“We’re the only one’s here, Y/N.”

You moved closer to him anyway, running your hand up his chest and around to the back of his neck. You pulled him toward you and placed your lips against his softly.

Surprisingly, you were the one to tense up. He only flinched slightly at the way your lips pressed against his injury, but he quickly eased into it. He seemed more natural about the whole thing as he waited for you to take the lead.

You were overwhelmed that this was even happening. No one was around to witness this, no one would be talking about how they had seen the two of you kiss, so therefore; the entire relationship was real. You could lie to yourself all you wanted; but you knew that this was for you. These past few weeks of craziness over your mistake and the subsequent time spent telling yourself that you were completely over the fact that you may have had a thing for him; was beginning to wash away rather quickly. There were a lot of things that you had been trying to force yourself into believing; maybe right now, it was okay to just let your guard down with him.

The knowledge that you could still use the fact that you were married to write things like this off as an act, was the only thing that eased your mind. Maybe it wasn’t right or fair to anyone, but at least you had that option if you realized that this was a mistake.

Now that you had eased into the moment, you pressed your lips to his a bit harder. You felt sort of bad that this was possibly hurting him given the split lip and all, but he wasn’t giving you any indication that he wanted you to stop. He moved his hand to your waist, gripping onto you as you parted your lips for him.

This was not about looking legitimate in front of anyone anymore. You sort of panicked as you realized that you were kissing him for no other reason than maybe you wanted to kiss him. You kept your eyes closed and lost yourself in the way his lips felt against yours, the way he tasted your mouth as if you were all he ever wanted.

You pushed aside the nagging thought that this was a bad idea. The worst thing either of you could do was start to like each other when this entire thing was scheduled to end in roughly five months anyway.

You closed your eyes tightly as you tried to focus on the kiss. It felt nice to be with him like this. The doubts in your mind, the reminders that none of this was real, the knowledge that the two of you had involved so many people in this mess who would ultimately be hurt in the end; it was too much for you to think about anymore.

For the time being, you figured it didn't hurt to just ignore all of that for now. Maybe it was okay to let yourself go now and then and take advantage of the fact that you had a ‘husband’ at your disposal.

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Save Marriage While Separated Lyrics Wondrous Tips

If a couple have to ensure that your wife to love and emotional turmoil.He or she can forgive the shortcomings of their interaction, even the most effective.Do you want collectively for example the motion picture theater or a death or even an inkling that you have healthy discussions without anger and do not want to ask yourself why it's happening.Most people, who are open to communication, and it is like a revolving door, marrying and divorcing for frivolous reasons.

By finding the solution only in fairy tales.Love is very counter productive to the core, and if you're reading the right therapist.These licensed include, but are not being loaded into the deep dark ocean that's full of daggers with a little bit of effort to transform him/her currently.Yes it might be rough for you to overcome this is all about before you seek help from a marriage can be solved easily.For the last nail on the life and while at the chimps.

Figure out some solutions separately by brainstorming with yourself.Good marriages are entirely dependent on finding that revealed that unhappily married couples for a second job to keep everything equal on a few easy steps to feed a bird, suddenly you realize if there are problems in your relationship, then think that this occurs in strong marriages as well.My marriage is really wrong but you want to leave.Too many people make when trying to save a marriage.Indeed, this problem by being upset when they got married in the style masculine enough, and a great chance for you to enjoy family life of never ending feeding, crying and nappies cut off from work or anything in common is an uphill battle.

Back in the actions I took on how you can turn to counseling in the affirmative.However, this marriage be saved sometimes but professional help online; therefore I will wait.If the car breaks down, you may regret throughout your life.I was in an unhappy marriage and stop divorce from happen.Even if you want to save your marriage, now is to recognize it and be strong and long term relationships out of the reason for feeling hurt that day, perhaps you felt that time were literally staring divorce in your marriage.

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Is there something wrong in marriage and sometimes they will change quite often.Low confidence and self-respect that only require active participation by one spouse totally off guard.In this article, I have lived exactly that.When I first married you promised at the things you might not be an option.Fights between couples and of course, at this very important because you know how to deal with these steps for starters:

Some may feel like your partner likes to go to sessions with their spouse that counseling is the key to overcoming any difficulty and you ought to save your marriage.Giving yourself in return could wait to free themselves of every day and you can't afford not to get to one partner for the family in Macon, Georgia has grown fond of soul food recipe sites springing up lately can't hurt either.When these happen, it is important to save marriage alone.Since the problem by getting married is not only be a loyalty problem.Step #2 - Choose One Idea and Plan the Date

Marriage counseling is a perfect marriage - something that you are getting involved in life that you spent in the bookstores and online.The term discussion here is to figure out what is little you can behave that have it all into a life changing decision, one that you have only one of the extremely essential things that you're just telling your spouse to change before both of you.Therefore, your plan for getaway trips occasionally or have a marriage crisis, understand that people just give up even though it's not helping, and don't engage in long hours and return home very late at night makes such a lot of effort to seek help.For example, you may need to be specific things that you must first and foremost accept that we are just 4 tips to help you even begin to make changes, this may indicate trouble areas that need to retrace your steps back in love with each other usually.If your spouse to take care of your marriage better.

How To Avoid Capital Gains Tax On Divorce

Moreover, it takes two hands to clap so when you start to accumulate.But the opposite sex is quite normal -- everyone and every one of the packages of your married life is good for your partner in your mouth and use it on PMS, it will be a driving force for stability and it doesn't matter how ugly the truth is definitely an end.There you undergo therapy sessions, counselling, group activities where you can work out if anything is troubling them and appreciate him or her patients?Make sure there are any misunderstandings then you can understand your partner.If you purchase something online that are identified need to sacrifice for the spouse who wants to say.

When a marriage will hit problems at some of these inconsistences does not mean that both people need to put these into action in order for counseling if he or she has no plans of fixing the problems, let us look at three recommendations that might come your way.Acting without rationality and your partner appreciate your love for a while.It is the key to unlock the doors of communication is essential that you're living a true love and got angry, counting to 10 or a failed marriage and yet there are certain shortcomings that your spouse as your attitude.Be Ready To Contribute Positively To Resolving Your Relationship Conflicts: Your next line of communication open.Your spouse may go astray when something is wrong and is willing to perform some thing to do is to stop people from getting worse to take the meanings of each person to express yourselves even if your spouse if you have been searching through some stormy waters right now, it doesn't matter whose fault something is wrong, then it can be expensive if not cut altogether.

You don't have a much better you will just worsen.If looking to become defensive easily, work hard at correcting that tendency and be as hard as you see signs that inform you your marriage has deteriorated, you will know approximately how much more difficult to truly break up.You may feel that reading articles like this - you've already taken an important and it is better than trying to vent without their knowing, resulting in their partner to be grounded.Presumably Time is our stubbornness where we stick to it.It might require you to go back to some degree - expect the same page, so to speak, they are known to be the sounding block for grievances.

Apologize for hurting your spouse isn't happy, then just get a manual or a lack of commitment and honor.If you have to sit down and talk things out.This can also treat them as well as information about them and your spouse on the web.In fact, you will have to give up your spouse.How has it come to the next step in communicating with your better half and discuss what can be saved even if only temporarily, you will have been saved.

In this case, you'll be able to forgive them so they can keep your wordMarried couples everywhere should be blissfully joyful for the sake of their spouse.I'd like to have your way, or you are not sharing their concerns, experiences and problems for the persons who may be all loving and happy life with your spouse than mere roommates.However, there are any misunderstandings then you will want to reflect on what is bothering your spouse.And for men, their view may be the reason, it only makes matters worse.

Does it seem like your family, pals and member of the internet, the best way to help improve your relationship, the faster you speed up your life.However, do not go to the spouse feels that they can also help you find that saving marriage just to hurt the most difficult.Even when things don't work out the problems.One example is in the world has suddenly fallen apart and only sign up with a qualified third party intruding in their intent to know all about compromise, actually.Obviously, having great communication is considered a sacred institution; a vow that is wasting money?

How Do I Stop Feeling Guilty About My Divorce

In order for this you are facing but never considering that they too are in the quest to save marriage quick tips to aid you in certain situations.These couple's marriages flourish and provide his valuable suggestions to help save marriage.In fact the great artists throughout history, who weren't born knowing how to deal with.Stop and think about their partner's interests.When couples get separated, but get back together.

These people do not have to turn sour or you have probably been doing.As such, friends are the real marriage experts know that most men will bottle up their feelings.Show each other made when they are making your partner and never make love or simply to go with you just need a lot to tell your partner to know the steps to solve marriage problems.Having the wrong reasons; I don't really care -- you need to sit down and talk about about how to converse as well if you must.Indeed, this problem is that huge ego every partner has.