#if you read all that thanks for doing that. sorry if its muddled also. like i said im not a writer just someone who feels strongly. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

constantinerkives · 1 year ago

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PAIRING: Yoo Jimin x Fem Reader _________________ WARNING: Mafia AU, gang AU, organized crime, dark Karina, age gap: Karina is in her early thirties while you are in your mid-twenties. Separation of parents, power struggle, corruption, home invasion, blackmail, E2L, TENSION, I made Karina half-Russian so-*gunshot*, but please, let me know what you think of half-Russian Karina - it's for research purposes, usage of Russian endearment, betrayal (not from Karina), Karina is slightly obsessed with OC, OC is reckless but dangerous, suggestive at the end. _________________ SYNOPSIS:

I hate you," You breathe into her mouth, your thoughts are muddled by nothing but her. Her scent, her abysmal eyes, her beautiful black hair, her devastatingly gorgeous face - all of her.

"I hate you so much that I can't think of anything else but you."

Karina chuckles and softly pecks the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as her hands caress your body.

"If that's the case," She rasps against your skin, and you softly gasp as she squeezes your hips.

"Then give me one night to convince you otherwise, my love."

_________________ WORDCOUNT: 10, 214 _________________

A/N: Sorry for making you all wait this long, my exams were in the last week of May and due to the uncooperative weather - were moved to the second week of June.

Thank you for waiting. Enjoy reading!

And also because:

You asked, I shall deliver

Russian-translated words are here.

Dynasties are a succession of people from the same family who play a prominent role in business, politics, or another field.

And like all dynasties - they fall. Either by sickness or by each others' hands.

In your family's case, however. It's the latter.

Greed and ambition can make a man overlook crucial things, such as researching land in Tuscany before seizing its valuables and burning the farm. And as for the valuables in that mansion, most of them were sold, some were kept, and the rest were disregarded. For months, your family made a fortune out of it.

It was only when masked, tall men broke into your family's vacation home, killed all the guards, and forced you to kneel beneath the barrels of their guns.

Your watch from the back of your parents as your assailants part to make way for a woman, her face covered by the shadows, but you see her eyes. Black and devoid of warmth.

"Who are you?" Demanded your father, "And how dare you attack my family in my home?"

Silence permeates the air. The woman spoke: "Hae Jinwon," Her voice was alluring yet sharp. There was a noticeable rough accent in her tone. "Capomandamento of the Haewon Clan." She mused. "Who the fuck are you?" Your brother spat beside you. The woman moves her gaze from your father to your older brother, Hae Jinyoung. "It was you, who led your father's men to my property in Tuscany, am I correct?"

"Yeah?" He challenged, "And what about it?"

"Ublijudok," She sneers and points the gun at him.

Your eyes widened as your parents spat out cries of panic while Jinyoung visibly pales at the sight of the latter's gun. "Fools," She jeers as she redirects her aim and pulls the trigger. Your ears ring at the sound of her bullet wheezing past you and hitting one of your mother's vases, shattering it; pieces of ceramic fall on the floorboards. Your skin prickles at the sound as the woman points her gun at your father.

"Do all of you have any idea how many enemies came into my home at this hour and threatened my family?" She snarled and walked forward, allowing you to see her face - beautiful and twisted with wrath and contempt. She wore an all-black attire, an overcoat, a turtleneck, trousers, and boots. Your eyes trailed to her gloved hand where she was holding a gun. "For months, we were hunted like animals." She grimaced, "And when they had their fill, they left us to rot. But I refused my family to succumb to that state and found the fuckers behind it."

She circles your family like a lioness examining her prey before killing it.

"It's insulting," She scoffs, "To have everything I built destroyed by a minor family and reaped our benefits." She stops behind your father and digs the muzzle against the back of his skull. "I should kill all of you right here, right now." The perpetrator growls and applies pressure against the trigger.

Your ears couldn't register the cacophony of your family's panicked cries. Only you remained silent, watching with wide eyes as they struggled against their bindings while they plead for their lives. And she cackled - the perpetrator cackled. "That's right," She mused sickly, "Beg for it - your lives until no one understands what you all are saying." She moves in front of Jinyoung and crouches to meet his gaze.

"You're the oldest, right?"

His lips quivered. The woman was losing her patience and glowers at him. "Answer me, svin'ja."

Jinyoung gulped, "Yes,"

"Then that means you'll take over once your father is out of commission, yes?"

"Yes?" He answers tentatively.

The latter hums, "Do you know who I am, Hae Jinyoung?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. The woman clicked her tongue, "Answer me immediately, boy." She pointed the gun at you, and you flinched. "Or else your sister's brain will be riddled with bullets."

"No!" He exclaimed, "No, I don't have a fucking clue who the fuck you are-"

She hits him with the butt of her gun, silencing him as your father exclaims. "Jinyoung!" He roared, "You bitch-"

"We're done here," She declared, and her men vacated the house one by one - except for her. "Why spare us?" Your mother questions. The woman didn't say anything at first as she moved her gaze toward you and answered:

"Because it'll be too easy. You took away my family's foundation - so I shall take away yours." A cold smile settles on her lips, "And finally, we're even. What's the fun of ending it quickly when you can leave them alive so they can suffer for it?"

None of you made a sound, and she took it for her cue to leave.

She didn't return after that.

But true to her word, your family did suffer for it.

Enemies came left and right. They robbed your family of its treasures, stole opportunities from the Haewon Clan, and even turned your people away from you. It got to the point that your parents separated. Your father kept your brother. He was the heir: while your mother took you. You never saw your father or your brother ever since. You thought that you'd turned over a new leaf, forgetting that humiliation that left you seething with anger and resentment for your father's stupid choices and for allowing his greed to put you and your mother into that position.

But no, it remained.

Evidence of that showed when your grandfather - your father's side of the family visited you at your university when you were nineteen.

"Excuse me," You blinked at the older man, "You want me to go where?"

"Come back to us, Y/N." Your grandfather coaxed. You scoffed at him, "And do what?" You demanded, "Is my older brother not good enough to lead this god-forsaken family?"

A wry smile graced his thin lips, "Yes,"

You paused, "What?"

A sigh left his lips, "After returning from Italy to fix the mistakes my son and your brother made. I've concluded that neither is fit to lead the Haewon Clan."

You knew where this conversation was going. Yo arched a brow, "And you think I can?"

"An old man can hope." Another scoff of disbelief leaves your lips. "Take your hopes with you and leave, grandfather." You sneered, "My mother and I want none of them." Without another word, you walk past the latter with a dark expression.

"Don't you want to settle the score?" He called out. You stopped.

"Don't you want to get even with the family who did this?" He added, and you ground your jaw so hard that you thought it was going to break. You balled your hand into fists and peered over your shoulder, "What makes you think I'd be interested?"

You didn't move as he made his way to you, "Your eyes say it all, granddaughter. I don't have to explain it, do I?"

You turn to him. Your expression was unreadable, but your eyes burned with vindication.

"Under two conditions."

His eyes light up. "And what's that?"

"Allow me to finish college, and in the meantime - teach me what I need to know." He furrowed his brows, "Wouldn't that distract you from your studies?"

"I'll manage it," You snapped, and he nodded. "Alright, what's the other one?"

"I won't take your name." You tell him firmly, "I refuse to be associated with the name: Haewon. Instead, I'll take my mother's last name, Han."

"Very well," He gives in, "Y/N Han."

And for years, you rebuilt what your family had lost: money, security, fame. While you repair your foundation, you bid your time into researching the family that destroyed you and retaliated. It was small at first until you began stealing their clients, information - all of it. One by one, you stole from them.

It's only a matter of time before the new capomandamento takes matters into her own hands and captures you for your deeds against her family.

Upon further research, the family you're holding a vendetta against is a Russian-Korean family named the Zakharov Clan.

And their two children - Ilina and Karina Zakharov.

Ilina, the woman who broke into your home, died three years ago after one of their men turned against her in an attempt to start a coup by shooting a bullet to her head. But he was swiftly killed by her sister - Karina, earning her Ilina's status and authority as the new capomandamento of the Zakharov Family a week after her sister's burial in Moscow.

Karina is fifth-generation old money. Her family is a mix of Russian kingmakers that made a fortune importing illegal goods during The Great Depression in 1929 and later established a globe-spanning empire in organized crime. A family long since retreated from public view, but their dominance endures to this day.

"The only gap we have in that family is that we don't know anything about the Zakharov's new capo." Your consigliere admits with a sigh, "No photos, records of any kind. Just the name."

You put the dossier down and locked eyes with the latter, "That's good enough for me, Kazuha. Send out the invitations."

She looked apprehensive, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," You tell her with finality. "I've made my move. I will await hers."

Kazuha didn't say anything as she took the dossier, "Before I forget, someone sent you a package." You arched a brow, "A package? What sort?" She shook her head sideways, "I didn't open it."

A hum reverberates from your throat, "Where is it now?"

"I sent it to your room, and before you can ask, it didn't have a return address. I suggest that I open it while you watch." You guffaw, "And I thought you were just a consigliere, not my guard."

"You are my employer and my friend, Y/N." She insists, "And I've made a promise-"

"To my mother, I know." You finish for her as you stand up. She follows your example as you gesture a hand toward your door. "Lead the way, Miss Nakamura."

"It's a dress," You mused as you stood beside her, your eyes lingering on the top cover. "From Givenchy. Is it from Jaehyun?"

The younger woman furrows her brows, "That man can't pick a dress for you to save a life, Y/N." She closes it, "Perhaps he asked a stylist to pick it for you." You hum and gently take the box from her and open it to see the dress. It was a black one-shoulder draped dress in crepe with a fluid skirt and a long slit in the front. "There's also a jewelry set," Your consigliere mused. Your eyes moved to the jewelry box nestled within.

"Jaehyun must've paid extra for these," You remarked as you carefully put the dress down and opened the jewelry box. It contained a necklace with golden-finish metal links and a bracelet in golden-finish metal with Swarovski crystals.

"Return this to him." You put the dress and accessories inside the box and turned away from the gift.

"I already have a dress in mind for next week's gathering." You tell the younger woman as you walk past her.

The first time you met her, she played you at your game.

Music plays through the speakers, accompanied by cheerful yells and self-indulging conversations as you watch all of these play beneath you from the elevated interior balcony of the venue with a glass of champagne in your hand and your consigliere standing to your left, her eyes sharply examining the attendees of the event. For tonight's event, you wore a black deconstructed cape cocktail dress featuring slashes, lapel detailing, and two flap pockets on the sides, finished with a single-button fastening and heels.

While Kazuha wore a navy blue monogram shirt dress and boots.

She leans close and whispers through the blaring music, "How would you know if she's here?"

You take a swig before replying: "People talk big about themselves in events like these, Kazuha. One of them is bound to slip."

The younger woman blinks at you, "You don't know?"

You flash her a grin before descending the stairs. Kazuha follows your figure with disbelief etched in her graceful features. "Y/N, this is dangerous-"

"Jaehyun!" You call out as you see a familiar towering figure donning a two-piece suit and black hair conversing with a group of benefactors. The man turns to you and grins, "Y/N," He then looks at his audience and excuses himself before coming to you with open arms, his double-breasted blazer wrinkled. "My - you look delectable!"

Once you're at arm's reach, he takes your hand and kisses the back of your palm. "To what do I owe the pleasure of having your attention tonight?" He queries as soon as you retract your hand. "How are the acquisitions for the farmland in Tuscany?"

Jeong Jaehyun, a family friend and your business partner since your return, is your man when it comes to international profits and investments. He was also the one who helped Kazuha in finding information about the Zakharov Clan, albeit it had gaps.

"The owners are still deciding on it, Y/N." He says as he walks beside you with Kazuha trailing behind, "But I guarantee they'll sign the papers."

"Good," You peer over your shoulder. "Leaves us, Kazuha. You have the luxury of mingling with our guests." The younger woman doesn't protest and bows before leaving.

You crane your neck to study your attendees. Jaehyun follows your gaze and chuckles. "Looking for Miss Zakharov?"

"I don't even know who I'm supposed to look at," You comment, and Jaehyun frowns, "You're endangering yourself, my friend."

"It's a long shot," A grin graces your lips, "But worth a try." Before he can reply, you cut him off. "By the way, that dress you sent me a week ago was nice." His frown deepen as you continue, "It's a shame that I already have a dress for tonight's event."

He stops, and so did you. "Y/N, what are you talking about?"

You mirror his frown, "You didn't send me a dress?"

Your business partner grasps your arm. "Y/N, I stopped sending you dresses the moment you said my taste for women's clothing was questionable." Your face blanks at the revelation, "So you're not the one who sent me a dress from Givenchy?"

"No," He hisses, "It wasn't me-"

"Jaehyun!" Another voice interjects. You both snap your heads toward a younger gentleman, and he flushes. "What is it, Mark?"

"Mingyu wants to talk to you."

"Alright," Jaehyun sighs before looking at you. "Be careful, Y/N. We'll talk later."

"We will," You tell him, and you steel your composure.

"Now go." The man obeys as the music changes to a livelier beat - on cue, your guests gather to dance with a partner next to them. You watch with a slight smile gracing your lips as you take another swig of your glass before placing it atop a random countertop.

You felt a presence beside you, and with careful eyes, you regard the stranger - a woman with tall stature and pale skin. She wore a black wrap-over top with a plunging neckline, allowing you to see her carved collarbones and pale skin, flared tuxedo pants, a buckle-thin belt, and leather zipped boots. Her hair is black and luscious, cascading down to her waist with her slender fingers securing the stem of her champagne glass.

"You didn't wear the dress I sent for you." She tells you with a distinct accent - Slavic.

You arch a brow; she sent you the dress?

"And who might you be?" You are bemused, and the woman finally looks at you.

Beautiful is an understatement. The woman standing beside you couldn't be older than thirty-three, small-shaped face, a v-shaped jaw, a sharp upturned nose, red lips, and abysmal, obsidian-hued eyes. Beautiful, but there's something amiss.

A smile made its way to her lips as she timely placed her half-finished drink atop the tray of the waiter and gestured an open palm toward your direction.

"How about I answer that with a dance?"

A wry smile made its way to your lips. "What makes you think I'd want to dance with you?"

The latter smirks, "You'll regret it if you don't." You frown at her response.

She turns to you, allowing you to see her perfect proportions. Her attire compliments her lean figure as she places a hand atop her right breast and bows. She lifts her head to look at you expectantly. "So what will it be?" She holds out her hand toward you.

You narrow your gaze at her, "I'm in no position to refuse, am I?"

The woman grins, "Da,"

Without another word, you take her hand, and she swiftly sweeps you off your feet as she leads the dance. Her left grasps your hips while the other intertwines with your right. Your left-hand hooks onto her broad shoulder.

"Your photos don't do you justice, dorogoj," She tells you with a smile, "You look prettier in person."

"Who are you?"

The enigmatic stranger doesn't reply and gracefully spins you, pressing her front against your back, eliciting a sharp gasp from you as she traps you against her body. "Y/N Han, formerly known as a Hae, daughter of Hae Jinwon."

"That information is given." You tell her as you turn around, returning to your first position. "Who. Are. You."

Her lips curl upwards, "Do you know 'The Red Shoes,' written by Christian Andersen?"

"And what does that have to do with who you are?" You retorted, patience waning as she coaxed your body to turn. "Oh, pretty girl." She purred, "It has something to do with your relationship with me."

Your brows furrow, "What do you mean?"

Instead of directly answering that question, she replies with a different narrative:

"The little girl wore her red shoes everywhere she went, even to a God-fearing church. Once you wear those shoes, your feet start dancing on their own. And you can never stop dancing or take off those shoes. But even so, the little girl never gave up on those shoes. In the end, the executioner had to cut off her feet."

Her expression changes to a cold, harsh one as she continues: "But those two feet that got cut off continue to dance in those red shoes."

A blood-curdling smile curls on the woman's lips as you stop dancing. Her hand snakes around your hips, flushing you against her while the other cups your cheek. You stood frozen still as you try to comprehend what she just said.

"You see, dovol'no devushka," She sneers as she caresses your cheek. "You stole from my family - it was small at first, but I began to notice it." You ground your jaw as the atmosphere becomes heavy and foreboding. "I see that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

You sneer at her, and your hands finally move by digging your blunt nails against her shoulder - her pupils dilated with twisted excitement as you lean close, finally smelling her scent; top notes of mulberry and black peony followed by middle notes of jasmine and tuberose with hints of black musk and vetiver base notes.

The scent suits her; sultry, dark, and alluring.

"Karina Zakharov," You rasped, and she grins, "Pravil'no,"

Before you can react, she effortlessly manipulates your body to a dip, just as violins soar higher. Your nails shamelessly claw her attire, and the woman visibly lights up with twisted delight as the shadows mask her face.

"Your obsession with finding me has come to fruition, Y/N." Karina husks as she lifts you back up, "You wanted my attention - fine." She leans close - and you let her. Her cold breath fans the left outer shell of your ear, and you muffle a gasp.

"I shall share your fixation. I'll hold you captive beneath me while I take what you most treasure on this earth."

She growls as she tightens her hold around you.

Karina's other hand goes up to the back of your neck, reaching to your roots and purchasing a handful of your hair, and pulls it back. You muffle a groan as you glare at her while she looks down on you condescendingly with contempt.

"Oh," Her chest rumbles as she chuckles, "Don't look at me like that, moya ljubov. You brought this upon yourself." She leans close, lips almost touching yours as she speaks in full Russian:

"Ty pozhnaesh' to, chto seesh." Karina jeers, "You reap what you sow."

And before you know it, you feel something pierce the side of your neck. You look at her, appalled as the dancers surround you and Zakharov's capomandamento. Your body feels heavy, and your eyelids heavier. You stagger in her grip, "What did you..." You trailed off as your speech slurs. You peer over her shoulder and spot Kazuha and Jaehyun marching toward you with alarmed expressions, your guards following behind them.

Karina chuckles as she brushes a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Your obsession is noble and beautiful, Y/N.”

“What did you do to me,” You stammer as you feel your grip on consciousness slipping.

“And I’ve finally found my red shoes.”

With that, your body shuts down.

The sound of metal scraping the floor jerks you awake, your fight or flight response activates, and blood rushes all over your body - forcing you into consciousness.

Pain follows second.

A groan leaves your lips as your head throbs and your legs feel sore. Your arms were bound behind your back, clasped together by chains that rattle with every move. Flashes of last night's events replay in your memory like a broken record - your face burns at the memory. But rather than throwing a tantrum in your new-found cell, you held your breath before exhaling slowly and examining your surroundings.

Your senses heightened.

Cement walls surround you, four walls devoid of warmth. The lighting is poor, only consisting of a bulb hanging over your head. The atmosphere is damp and cold. You look down at your dress; no doubt it was wrinkled and tattered by the people who dragged you here. You move your head upwards and spot a CCTV camera focused on you.

You hear a set of footfalls approaching from behind. Questions flooded your thoughts - how could you have missed that? This god-forsaken place is dark. You should have heard a sound - anything.

"You're awake," Your skin prickles at the familiar accent. Your expression darkens as Karina approaches you from the shadows. Her features are poised and relaxed in contrast to yours.

"How long have I been unconscious?"

A wry smile graces her lips, "Seven hours - I was beginning to think I overdosed you, dorogoj."

You sit on the back of your legs and shamelessly run your eyes down her body. Unlike her attire last night: Karina's wearing a white, buttoned-dow shirt, black tapered pants, and loafers.

"Eyes up here, velikolepnyy." She mused, "Otherwise people might get the wrong idea of our dynamic."

A scoff leaves your lips. "I'm not interested."

She lets out a dark chuckle as she stalks toward you, the glint in her eyes changing to a menacing gleam as she bends and grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at her - the distance between your faces is only inches apart, and the atmosphere thickens. You held your breath at her proximity as her eyes trailed your features, from your eyes down to your lips.

"I could tempt you," She rasps against your lips, and a wolfish grin creeps on her lips. "But I don't fraternize with thieves."

You mirror her grin, although mockingly. "Oh?"

"$10,000,00.00 Y/N." She bemused, and her eyes shapen with contempt. "That's a large sum of our income." She tightens her grip on your jaw, but Karina doesn't dig her nails against your skin.

"If that's the case, then I'm sorry." You jeer as you dig your nails against your palms.

There's a pregnant pause, and silence permeates the air so heavily that you were tempted to break it, but she beats you to it.

"Don't be," Her tone changes, and those black, abysmal eyes swim with twisted mirth. "If anything - I'm impressed." The older woman lets go of your jaw and turns around. You use this opportunity to stretch your jaw and clamp it shut when she turns to you and folds her hands behind her back.

"Does that mean you're letting me off the hook, Zakharov?"

She guffaws and grabs you by the collar, startling you as she bares her teeth. Your chains rattle at her sudden action.

"Nyet,"

"I'm assuming that's a no," You hiss as she violently lets you go. "You're correct," She fixes her shirt. Before you can choose your words wisely, you blurt out:

"Are you going to kill me for it, then?"

She stares at you, her expression unreadable, before replying in a monotonous tone: "No, but my sister would." She inclines her head to the side, "But I am not Ilina." She leans down. "I am worse, Y/N." Karina chortles, "Why did you have to come back to this kind of life?" She steps back.

"You had your chance to live an ordinary life, dorogoj. You chose this, and now you deal with me."

There's something in her eyes that unnerved you.

"What are you going to do?" You inquired, but your voice sounded distant.

She didn't answer and turned around, "Behave yourself, Y/N. My capo bastone will send you your food. Don't do anything stupid if you want your family to stay alive."

Your face burned at her statement. "Don't you dare-"

"I've told you, pretty girl." She sneers, "You made your move, and I will make mine. You are in no position to threaten me."

Your blood boils as she continues: "Especially when you're the one who is in chains."

Then she walks away from you. You dig your nails against your palms so hard you thought they'd bleed in an attempt to soothe your urge to bash someone's head in anger.

"Don't you dare touch them," You whisper as she leaves you in the dark.

Winter Kim is Karina's capo bastone, the underboss. Short-haired, pale, and brunette - socially inept too, given that Winter's impervious to conversations, only saying yes, no, or I can neither confirm nor deny that.

She's the one bringing you food and water for the past four days.

But you refuse to eat what's being handed to you, even if they loosen your binds so you can eat better. That did nothing. You'd rather starve than be poisoned by your captor.

One day, Winter and a couple of guards enter your holding cell. She stands in front of you while her guards release you from your binds. "What's going on?" You question as they grab you by the arms and force you to stand up, your legs wobbling from sitting and kneeling for the past few days.

"Don't do anything stupid," She replies, "We're taking you to her."

"That's probably the longest sentence I've heard from you." You jeer. The brunette ignores it and gestures a hand toward the shadows. "Take her out."

They obeyed and escorted you outside. The brightness hurts your eyes, and your ears buzz with the sound of nature as they drag you out of your detainment. You look over your shoulder to see the structure of your 'dungeon,' it is a modest-sized house with no second floor.

A few paces later and they take you to an elaborate garden surrounded by gardeners trimming bushes and wiping statues.

In the center seats a figure eating her food with gusto. Your eyes narrow, and you ball your hands to distract your hunger as the figure looks up. "Ah, there she is," Karina puts down her utensils, wipes her mouth with a napkin, and gestured a hand at a vacant seat across from her. "Be seated, Y/N."

The men drag you to the seat, but you stop them with a glare.

"I can do sit by myself - let me go." They look at her for permission, and she permits it with a nod. The guards let go of your arm. You can feel Winter's gaze following your movements as you sit across the older, raven-haired beauty.

The latter gestures a hand towards your plate: "Reverse sear steak," She tells you as you look down at your food. You ground your jaw as your nose catches the whiff of the dish - your stomach growls. "I had my finest chef cook it for you."

You look at her dead in the eye, "I'm not hungry,"

A scoff leaves her lips as the older woman crosses her arms. "That's a lie, dorogoj. You haven't eaten."

Her statement elicits an arched brow from you, "Aw - you're worried."

Karina's lips curl upwards, "I don't have any use of you if you're dead, Y/N." Her gaze sharpens, "Eat,"

"And how do I know the meals you have been sending me aren't poisoned?" You countered. She blinks at you, bemused. "Poison is a coward's weapon, Y/N."

You incline your head to the side, "I need a guarantee, Zakharov, not assurance." The latter hums and uses her fork, wipe it with a napkin, stabs one of your steak cuts, and brings it to her mouth. Her eyes never left yours as she caught the meat between her teeth and ate it.

"See?" She spreads her arms, "Now will you eat?"

Without saying a word, you take your utensils and eat under her watchful eye. "A meal like this instigates negotiation." You put down your fork, "What do you want, Zakharov?"

Karina chuckles, "You're quick. I like that."

A wry smile decorates your lips, "We don't become heads of our families' business for nothing."

"I agree," She knots her fingers together. "Leave us,"

The gardeners and her guards obey, except Winter. Karina looks over your shoulder. You assume that's where Winter is - behind you.

"That includes you, Winter Kim."

You didn't look back, but you heard receding footfalls. "Now that we're alone. I need you to act civil with me."

You cock your brow upwards, "What makes you think I'm interested in being civil with you?"

A chuckle reverberates from her chest, and her hawk-like eyes study your face before speaking: "Because your stunt in stealing my fortune and assets earned us both enemies."

You frowned, "We earn new enemies every day, Karina. What's new about that?" A vicious smile graces her lips as if she knew a terrible secret. Your skin prickles and your gut churns uncomfortably as she drops her voice an octave lower.

"I heard that your grandfather is withdrawing his support after I abducted you, dorogoj. And he's cutting ties with you and stole almost all of your assets-"

"That's ridiculous-"

"Oh," She scoffs, "It's true, and I have the evidence to prove it, Y/N." On cue, she takes out a ledger and opens it. "These are your grandfather's offshore accounts. See the amount? It doubled."

"Impossible," You clench your hands into fists, "My grandfather would never-"

"But he did," She jeers and shuts the ledger close. "And now, he's leaving you with me. Truth be told he is smart for a man going senile, taking your assets assuming that I've killed you, and leaving the Han clan out in the open for everyone to target."

You scowl at her, "My men-"

"Has already defected, dorogoj." She finishes for you, "Even your consigliere and your money man - Jaehyun, was it?"

Your chest heaved as you try to calm your nerves, "Where did it all go wrong? You might ask?" She grins dubiously, "It all started when you planned that event, Y/N." Karina guffaws, "I'm appalled that your grandfather would sell you out. He must've thought that he'd lose like last time."

She returns her focus to your shaking figure, eyes wide and lips formed to a thin line, dark and unreadable.

"Now, don't be sad. Y/N." She cooes, "You have me."

You didn't reply, and her phone rang. The latter takes it while never taking her eyes off you. You sit there and blocked out your surroundings as you feel the heavy weight of your actions taking a toll on your focus as Karina ends the call.

"You know," She sighs and puts her phone on top of the table. "You should count yourself lucky that I've decided to kidnap you. Your warehouses were ransacked by your old enemies-"

"Shut up," You tell her with a shaky breath, "Shut up."

Her face shifts to a faux show of sympathy and concern. "I'm merely telling the truth, Y/N."

"What do you want from me?"

Karina plays with her steak knife. "Your cooperation."

"And if I don't want to cooperate?"

"Oh darling," She purrs, "You are in no position to refuse - this concerns you, after all." Your tongue pokes your inner left cheek, "Give me time to-"

"No," The older woman cuts you off, "It's either you agree or rot while I clean our fifth." There's a dangerous edge to her voice. You give her a dirty look while she shoots you with a challenging glare. "So, what will it be, dorogoj?"

"Fine," You say through gritted teeth.

Karina purrs in satisfaction. "Clever girl, you got promoted from prisoner - to my guest. You will have one of my guestrooms. The rules still apply: do anything stupid, and I will deal with you. Do you understand this, Y/N?"

You felt like a child underneath her gaze, your eyes burned with silent wrath as you answer with a curt:

"Yes,"

"Yes - what, pretty girl?"

"Yes," You hiss, "Karina Zakharov."

"Very good," On cue Karina's guards and Winter return to the garden. She stands up. You follow her example, unblinking as her guards seize you by the arms. You recoil at their touch as if they burned you.

"Be gentle," She instructs them, "She is now my guest."

They acknowledge her command with a bow before carrying on with what they are bid to do.

"I'll cooperate," You tell her, "Under one condition, a simple condition."

Karina clicks her tongue, "Let's hear it, then."

"That you'll protect my mother." The latter pauses, "Very well, your mother will be under my care." She turns to look at the short-haired brunette. "Winter, escort her to her new room. The rest of you, return to your stations."

You allow the second in command to lead you to your new room.

Karina's manor is of neoclassical design. Neat and spacious. You follow Winter through the labyrinthine halls until she stops before an intricately carved white double door with guards standing on both sides.

"This will be your room," She tells you blankly while one of the guards opens the door to reveal a spacious, clean room. "If you need anything, just call for the guards."

Without saying anything, you enter the room and study your surroundings. The door closes behind you - the room contains your typical setting for a bedroom. But still, you inspect the place making sure that there are no hidden cameras.

There was none.

You sink into your knees and let out a shaky breath to calm your nerves. Your body feels numb and lightweight as you try to think clearly, but your mind is riddled - racing with thoughts more than your brain can take.

And you pass out.

For the next 72 hours, you observed the guards standing on the opposite side of your room.

They change shifts, and the time lag is five minutes due to the long halls of Karina's manor.

Darkness has befallen, the white halls dimmed to the color of the wall lamps, and your guards just left their posts.

Five minutes

Your head peeked through your doors, eyeing both halls before slipping out, careful to avoid Karina's men. Your heart hammers against your ribs, and you can feel your pulse pounding against your head as you maneuver silently.

While sneaking out, your eyes caught a huge family portrait hanging near the marble staircase.

It's also been taken recently due to you spotting a familiar face. Karina was seated next to her older sister. The youngest Zakharov wore a black, sleeveless high-neck dress. Her hair was styled to a fishtail bun with her bangs resting on the sides of her face, while Ilina wore a black cut-out midi dress, and her hair was styled to a half ponytail.

You move your gaze to the parents you hailed them.

Karina took her mother's features, while Ilina had their father's. But both sisters exude power and grace, a beautiful, powerful family.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Her voice cuts through the silence, and you swiftly turn to her with wide eyes.

There she stood from behind. Karina Zakharov is wearing a black buttoned-down shirt, straight-cut jeans, and sandals. Her hair was let down.

"It's a decent photo," You stiffly tell her, "No," She scoffs, "Don't I look great in that photo?"

You roll your eyes in reply while she chuckles and stands beside you. Your posture bristles and stiffens as she folds her hands behind her back.

"It was the last photo we've taken before one of her men shot her." She tells you, "I'm sure you're relieved to hear that, am I right, dorogoj?"

The air suddenly becomes heavy and stifling as you feel her move her line of sight toward your unwilling figure. You avert your gaze elsewhere. You don't know how to respond to that. You held your breath as you try to think of a reply but you blurt out:

"My condolences," You say to her monotonously.

She tears away her gaze from you, looks at the picture, and hums a tune that holds no consequence. "I don't need your condolences; she died a long time ago."

Silence hangs between you before she speaks again, "And relax, Y/N." You shift your gaze to her with furrowed brows. "You're free to roam my halls so long as you stay out of our private rooms." A smirk coils on her lips, "And don't do-"

"Anything stupid," You finish for her through gritted teeth, "If that's the case, may I go to the garden?"

The older woman regards you for a moment before nodding. "I'll take you there."

You arched a brow. Karina catches on. "As you can see, Y/N, I'm the only one present in this room - and if I call my men or Winter I'd have to waste my breath and call for them." She pauses, "I think it's perfect that I'll take you there just in case you decide to run away." Her smirk returns, "But if you did, I'll be the one to capture you - I like to give chase."

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, "Shut up and take me to the garden."

She guffaws, "Follow me, dorogoj."

What's with the Russian words? You didn't ask her and followed the raven-haired capo. "By the way," She adds, "My clothes look good on you."

Your eyes subtly widen as you look down at your borrowed clothing. "Your clothes?!" That came out as a squeak. The older woman shoots you a wolfish grin before leading the way.

"It's either that or you walk around my property naked, pretty girl." She teases, and you hold every fiber of your body not to hit her head. "No wonder why they felt big on me." You cringe as your footsteps echo through the dimly lit halls. It didn't take a minute for you to spot a familiar short-haired girl coming toward the two of you.

"Winter," Karina acknowledges while the younger woman bows her head, "We received Giselle's report on the import at Port Elizabeth, New York."

Giselle? As in Uchinaga Giselle? The New York mobster?

"Very well, did you send a copy to my consigliere?"

The shorter woman nods, "Yeji has it. She's heading on her way as we speak." There's a pause. You feel out of place in their conversation and avert your gaze elsewhere. "If that's the case, then you'll entertain our guest here." You snap your head to the two. Winter pursed her lips before bowing her head, "Of course. Where shall I take her?"

"To my garden," She answers before looking at you with a small, distant smile. "Be a good girl, and don't give Winter a hard time, yeah?"

Without saying another word, Karina turns to the opposite hallway while Winter leads the way to the garden. You follow the brunette, but you look over your shoulder, your eyes locked on the disappearing figure of Karina. True to her word, Winter took you to the garden. You sigh as you revel in the cold breeze lightly nipping your skin and the ivory glow of the moon. A refreshing sight from the usual four walls of your room.

A wry smile creeps on your lips at the realization. Despite being moved to a much more hospitable accommodation-

"A golden prison is still a prison." You tell yourself while Winter stands behind you. Her sharp gaze never leaves your figure as you bask in the beautiful glow of the moonlight.

Meters away from the second floor of the manor, there stood Karina on her balcony with her slender, well-manicured fingers holding the stem of her wine glass. Despite Yeji discussing the keys of Giselle's report, Karina's eyes were glued to your figure, before disappearing inside her study.

"Y/N," Winter regards as you get out of your room.

"What are you doing here?" You inquire the younger woman unkindly as you walk past her. The younger woman follows you, "And why are you following me around?"

"Haven't you heard?" You feel Winter's gaze move to your striding figure. "Miss Zakharov has assigned me as your guard." You stop in your tracks to look at her, "She assigned you to be my what?"

"Your guard," She tells you.

You open your mouth but you shut it close and continue to walk. "Where are you going this time, Miss Han? To the gardens again?"

Turns out, you are being held captive in Italy. The northern Italian province of Lombardy is home to Milan and other fashion hubs.

"Where else?" You grumble, "But I'm getting tired of it. Can't a prisoner have something to entertain herself?"

Winter balks, "You're no prisoner."

"A golden cage is still a cage, Winter." You bemused. This is the first time the short-haired brunette initiated a conversation with you.

"Do books interest you?" You scoff at her, "What? I can't use the TV?"

"We don't have that," She tells you honestly, and you gawk at her. "What kind of founding family has all the money and resources in the world but has no TV?"

The latter coughs, "Karina is too busy with her work to watch."

"You make it sound as though I am a lazy capo." You snark before the realization dawns on you. You're not a capo anymore. "Anyways," You quickly regain your composure, "She has a library?"

"Yes, follow me." Without waiting, she turns around, leaving you to follow her.

After minutes of wandering through the halls, she stops before two tall doors and gestures a hand. "Inside, Miss Han."

You regard her for a moment before pushing the door open. Karina Zakharov's library is spacious and shelves rich with books. How could she possess such a magnitude of books?

As if sensing your question, Winter speaks up: "This library was the congressman of Italy's gift for her."

"I see," You mutter as you brush the pads of your fingers against the spines of the books. Winter watches you closely as you turn to the bookshelf and grab two books, one of Slavic folktale and the other a Russian-to-English dictionary.

Winter regards your choice of books, "I'll be outside if you need anything."

You didn't answer and instead take a seat on the nearest couch before burying your head in between the pages, getting lost in a paradise of words to pass the time. You hear the door close.

"You didn't eat the fruits I sent you." An amused voice cuts through the silence, forcing you to tear your eyes from the page and then look up at the owner of the voice.

Karina stood a few meters away from your seated figure with her arms crossed against her chest. Her tall figure leans against one of the bookshelves as her eyes watch you.

Your eyes fall to a tray of cut fruits beside you. One of her men, or Winter must've placed it beside you, you just didn't notice.

"Ah," Is all you can say while the older woman chuckles and strides toward you, and gracefully picks up an apple. You watch her with intent, she holds your gaze as she takes a bite, and hunger suddenly pangs against your stomach, but your lips traverse to her lips as she licks them clean. You clear your throat softly and avert your gaze, you didn't see the smirk playing on her lips.

"What are you doing, Zakharov?"

"Just showing you that it's not poisoned, dorogoj."

Your face flushes at the pet name. You bared your teeth as you snap your gaze toward her. "You do realize that you've been calling me 'darling', right?"

Karina laughs, and your gut churns. "Ah, old habits."

"You call your prisoners that?"

A teasing smile plays on her lips, and you want to smack it out of her. "No, just you." Your cheeks change to a shade of light pink, and you once again look away from the half-Russian capo.

She moves her line of sight to your books, "I see that you've taken an interest in my language and culture. That's adorable."

"Shut up," You snap at her, "I'm reading."

The latter curls her lips upward, "That one's boring, dovol'no devushka." There she is again. The capo of the Zakharov family takes a book near her and approaches you and hands you the book. "Read this instead."

You give her a sideward glance. "What I read is hardly any of your business, Zakharov." She scoffs at your snark, "Just read this, printsessa."

"Don't you have your responsibilities to take care of?" You retort, and Karina rolls her eyes. Her Slavic tongue dominates her English accent. "I have my consigliere stepping in. I gave instructions - they will execute." She waves the book at you, "Now read."

"Fine," You huff as put the book down and snatch the book from her hand. "What is it about, anyway?"

"Why don't you read and find out, dorogoj?"

You scowl at her before opening the first page. "And by the way," You sigh and look at the older woman. "What?"

"The Uchinagas are hosting an event."

"Okay, and?"

"Your grandfather will be there," Your eyes sharpened as she continues, "And so will your father and older brother."

You thread your words carefully. "And what does this have to do with me?"

A sly smirk graces her plump lips, "This is your opportunity to get even." A pause, "You're coming with me to New York as my plus one."

Your brow raises, "Is that your way of asking me on a date?"

The raven-haired beauty chuckles, "No, I'm not asking you, Y/N. I'm taking you." You gawk at her as she walks away. "Our flight's in three days. Prepare your valuables." You scoff. You don't have any as you scheme through the pages while Karina peers over her shoulder and exits the room.

While browsing the pages, your eyes stumble at a sketch. It was a side view of a woman, no older than twenty-five holding a flute champagne, the dress looks familiar, as if you wore it during-

Your eyes subtly widen as you study the details of the sketch - it was you. The night before you were captured.

"What the," You mutter as you snap your head towards the direction where Karina left with your hand gripping the sketch tightly with thoughts racing in your head, and one stands out:

Why would she sketch you?

For the next four days, you observed Karina Zakharov - especially when she interacts with you.

Whenever you throw a jab or a snark at her, she smirks and continues the conversation as if you didn't irritate her. It made the acids in your stomach boil.

You tested her patience, and she merely chuckled or smirked. She'd walk beside you with a small smile creeping on her lips as if she didn't abduct you. It irked you. Because why would she have time to check on you when Winter or one of her guards can do that?

You are merely a capo left with nothing - if it was any capo, they won't even give you a second glance, but why does she-

Why would she give her time to go to you?

Why

Why?

You have nothing to offer, you have nothing left in your name - you are her prisoner. You were just given the privilege of roaming free and reading whatever's in her library.

What is she getting at? What was she trying to accomplish?

What does she want from you?

"Ah, and who is this fine woman you're with, Karina?" You broke from your reverie as a smooth baritone voice fills your ears. You turn to the gentleman wearing a black suit. His hair is styled to a perm. He's handsome, almond-shaped eyes, light brown-hued eyes, an upturned hose, and slightly thin lips. Classical music plays faintly in the speakers, accompanied by the clinking of champagne glasses as the underworld's elite gather to attend the Uchinagas' event - it's to celebrate a successful partnership with the Sicilians.

"Taehyung," Karina regards the gentleman as her hands land on the small area of your back. You held a gasp. Despite the fabric acting as a barrier between your skin and her fingertips, you can feel her cold touch - and it sends shivers throughout your body. "This is my date, Y/N Han."

"Han?" He muses as he looks at you while you regard him with a bow. "My, you're gorgeous!" You reply with a chuckle as Karina looks at you with a well-practiced smile, "Says you, Mr. Kim. You look dashing."

The man shifts his weight to his other foot. "An interesting pair, you two. Have you come to good terms?"

Karina responds this time, "Yes, we've decided that a pointless grudge is a waste of energy and time." You cocked a brow as she continues: "So we've agreed to a truce."

Taehyung hums, "I'll drink to that, have a nice night."

Once he's out of earshot you turn to look at the older woman who hasn't removed her hand from your back but you chose to ignore it.

"Was that a personal attack?"

She snorts, "A - what?"

"Nevermind," You roll your eyes at her as you look around to spot the thieving trio that stole from you. You can feel Karina's gaze and decide to tease her: "Take a photo, it might last longer."

She scoffs, "Why would I do that when I can draw you with perfect accuracy?"

You glance at her, face unreadable. "Yes, no doubt."

She cocked a brow, "Oh - I don't like that tone."

You hid a smirk and grasped her arm, "Let's divide and conquer -or you know what? Leave me to my devices. I'll hunt those three down."

"Alone?" She muses, "I doubt it."

"You wound me, Zakharov." You mocked, "How could you doubt my skills with a knife?" Where's the lie? There's a knife strapped to your thigh - concealed by the dress Karina bought for you, and it is easily accessible via the long slit of your dress.

Her face was unreadable, but you could see the turmoil in her eyes. It made your eye twitch with irritation.

Don't look at me that way. I am capable just as you are.

"Very well," She concedes, "Winter is around to help you if you can't do it."

You scowl at her. Since when did she care?

"Alright," You answer harshly, "Do enjoy the party."

Without waiting for a reply, you walk away from her.

You weave through the crowd like black smoke, your eyes sharp and senses heightened as the event continues. And just when you thought you'd never seen another familiar face, Kazuha shows up. Your eyes widen as you come face to face with the former consigliere of the Han Clan. Kazuha mirrors your shock and her hand covers her mouth.

"Zuha?" You squeak, "Y/N," The younger woman gasps as she grasps both your arms, "How did you-" She sputters, "Oh my god, Y/N I am so sorry, enemies flanked us left and right we had to escape, I'm sorry-"

"Kazuha," You tell her gently, "I understand. You don't have to apologize."

"But-"

"It's fine," You sternly reassured her. "You're better off alive than trying to defend what was left of our business." A bittersweet smile graces your lips, "You look gorgeous tonight. Did you get a new job as someone else's consigliere?"

"Yes," She answers shakily, "As Giselle's consigliere. How did you escape her? Karina - I mean." Before you can explain, you see Kazuha's eyes visibly sharpening, and her resplendent countenance twists to a scowl.

"Karina," She growls as a figure approaches you from behind. Your skin tingles at the familiar touch; the older woman's hand drapes around your waist as she regards Kazuha with a polite smile. "Miss Nakamura," She greets, "A pleasure to meet you tonight."

She eyes her hand around your waist, "I wish I could say the same, Miss Zakharov." Karina's lips curl upward as your former consigliere continues:

"What is she doing being this close to you, Y/N?"

"Relax," Karina jeers, "She's with me as my date."

The younger woman's eyes slightly widen as she looks at you, "Is this true?"

Karina cuts you off, "Yes, it's true - even if you wring it out of Y/N, she'll agree with me." Kazuha glares at her while Karina's beautiful features twist to a challenging look while her hand pulls you closer to her. Your gut churns and goosebumps arise - her touch has you in a trance, tantalizing and blissful.

"Easy ladies," You hissed as you quickly removed Karina's hand from your waist. She looks at you, aghast, but says nothing. "I'll explain everything if we meet again, but for now, I need to find my grandfather and his son and grandson."

"I saw your grandfather in one of the private booths on the second floor."

Excitement drums in your veins, and you thank the consigliere before she begrudgingly leaves you and the youngest Zakharov. You move away from Karina, eyes set on your goal now that Kazuha informed you about your grandfather's whereabouts as you make your way to the marble stairs, your hand is itching to grasp the dagger while weaving through the guests, no longer caring if your brushing or bumping past them.

"Now," You grumble as your eyes study the closed rooms. "Where are you?"

"I don't think charging there with a dagger is intelligent, Y/N." Your face contorts to a scowl at the familiar voice. You snap your head toward her, "This does not concern you, Zakharov." You snark at her with toxicity lacing your voice. "This is between me and my grandfather. Stay out of it." Her face remains calm, and it irked you - so you turn away from her, only for Karina to seize you by the wrist and pull you towards her. Karina Zakharov's face was only inches from yours as her cold breath fanned against your dainty countenance.

"And I'm telling you, Y/N, it's dangerous for you to go there alone."

You bared your teeth at her, "Why do you care?"

She doesn't answer, and your patience thinned. "Let. Me. Go, Zakharov."

The latter ignores this and tightens her grip around your wrist, keeping you in place. You curse at her and snap your head towards the private booths, one opens, revealing a familiar figure that scorned you. Your other hand twitches, you can throw the knife from here. It is thin after all. He's open, and so is your window of opportunity before he surrounds himself with potential collateral damage.

"Karina," You warned without looking back at her, "Let me go."

"What's the use of killing him now," The raven-haired beauty coaxes. "When you can let him live to suffer for it, Y/N?"

You grit your teeth. Those words are familiar to you. "I don't fucking care," You hissed.

"Let me go, Karina Zakharov." You turn to her almost pleadingly, and Karina's face glows with resolve.

"No, Y/N." She tells you, her voice a whisper. "I won't."

And your window of opportunity closes.

You've lost your chance, and you look at your grandfather helplessly, but it quickly dissipates as wrath seeps into your body faster than poison. And without thinking, you swiftly turn to the woman and harshly remove your wrist from her pale hand and use the side of your arm to press it against her throat, startling her, but you don't allow her to think as you quickly push her inside a vacant lounging room and shut it by swiftly pushing the older woman against the door and grab your knife, pressing it against her throat.

Karina's eyes widen with macabre delight and doesn't make a move. Those black abysmal eyes of hers gleam with curiosity...and something else that you couldn't decipher.

No, that isn't the reaction you want from her. She was supposed to look threatened, not curious. She is supposed to beg for you to keep the knife away from her face - to beg for her life.

But she doesn't, and it makes your blood boil and your gut twinges uncomfortably. You ground your jaw so hard you thought your teeth would break.

"I hate you," You spat at her while your eyes burned, "I hate you so fucking much."

A cruel, soft smile graces her lips as she reaches out a hand and wipes-

Your tears?

You gape at her, surprised at the tender gesture as she cups your face. Her skin feels warm against your tear-stained cheek.

"I hate you," You tell her again but this time, your voice sounds distant and meek.

Distracted, the older woman hastily, but retains her grace as she pins you against the door and disarms the knife from your hands, and pins your wrist on both sides as she flushes her body against yours.

You let out a shaky breath while Karina's eyes are glazed and hooded, her breath ragged as she leans her face closer to yours. Her scent invades your sense of smell, intoxicating you. She leans close to the outer shell of your right ear. Karina drops her voice an octave lower.

"Say it to me again," Her Russian accent is hot and rough against the skin of your face.

"What?" You breathe against her as you try to pry her hands off your wrist but to no avail.

"That you hate me, dorogoj." Her voice hoarse, "Say it to me again, moya ljubov'."

"I hate you," You say, but the words come out like a caress. A litany. An enchantment. A ward against what you feel. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you-"

And she cuts you off with a searing kiss, catching you off guard. The older woman tilts her head to deepen it, and it didn't take a while for you to respond by matching her fervor that her lipstick smudges against yours.

She pulls away with a batted breath. Her eyes are dark and ravaging as her grip on your wrist loosens, and you shake it away from her grasp, only to grab her by the lapels of her suit and pull her for another one. She kisses you harder.

Karina's right-hand grasps you by the back of your head while the other rests against the small area of your back, her nails dig against your skin, eliciting a gasp from you, and she uses her opportunity by slipping her tongue, swallowing you whole before pulling away.

"I hate you," You breathe into her mouth, your thoughts are muddled by nothing but her. Her scent, her abysmal eyes, her beautiful black hair, her devastatingly gorgeous face - all of her.

"I hate you so much that I can't think of anything else but you."

Karina chuckles and softly pecks the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as her hands caress your body.

"If that's the case," She rasps against your skin, and you softly gasp as she squeezes your hips.

"Then give me one night to convince you otherwise, my love."

Fin.

#karina x reader #constantinewrites #aespa x reader #kpop oneshots #kpop imagines #female reader #aespa #yoo jimin x reader #yoo jimin #one for my enemy

612 notes · View notes

xob1tchs · 2 years ago

Note

hi !! can u do angst for ethan?? where hes really distant & the reader thinks hes cheating because it really seems like it but in the end its all a big misunderstanding! thank you! ♥️♥️

seal your fate

fem!reader x ethan landry

warnings; sexual implications, jumping to conclusions, im no good at angst, litro wrote it and posted it so spelling and grammar errors!

a/n; I hope this is what u wanted, even though I did change it a little, or at least close :p and sorry it’s like super short but I’m really not good at tear jerking angst or like tooth rotting fluff. also title inspired by this

It’s been months since you met Ethan. Months of back and forth, and lingering touches at a frat parties. Compared to the troubles of your past, Ethan had become an easy constant in your life.

Through jokes of more, or Tara and her constant teasing – friendship had grown into a fit of butterflies in the pit of your stomach if he so much as glanced at you. Your friends swore it was obvious that Ethan was beginning to feel the same way; and you’d began to believe that. Now your mind is muddled with doubt, and your finger are wrapped around a solo cup a little too hard.

A ginger has her thin arms slung around Ethan’s neck, the boys back pressed to a door frame. Ethan’s hands are hovering awkwardly in the air, and he looks flustered. He really looks uncomfortable. You just can’t see past the way the girl fawns, glossy lips spreading into a charming smile as she teases him. Blush spreads across his nose bridge, and he does that thing where he chuckles, nervously tugging the hair at the nape of his neck.

Your fingers tingle at a memory the scene strikes, one wherein you straddled Ethan’s lap - and toyed with the curly hair in that same spot, lips slotted between his like a puzzle piece, breathing in his quiet whines and pleas for more.

You turn to the guy at your side, lips etching into a tight smile, before you bid a quick goodbye and head for the kitchen - tossing your full cup into the overflowing trash can and slipping out the patio door.

You’re not even out of the yard when your phone pings from your pocket, a text that has you frowning lighting up your phone

e 😵‍💫 : where r you??

and for the first time in months, you leave him on read.

Weeks of avoiding, and missed calls don’t seem to deter Ethan. He’s relentless in his efforts to get a reply from you, to the point that he has chad questions you and your reasons for ignoring his new best friend. It’s frustrating, and you actually want to laugh aloud when Mindy corners you in the bathroom, prying at you for an answer.

“He’s not as into me as you think okay, just stop pressing me” you rolled your eyes, demanding she not bring it up again. For once — Mindy actually listened to you. Or so you thought.

Walking along aisles and aisles full of textbooks and biographies, you let out a frustrated groan, glancing down to the paper in your hand and back up at the shelf. You squint at the spines, reading off titles and authors quietly until you reach the end of the section your book should be in. Crumpling the paper in your fist you spin on your heel, ready to give up when your slammed into a firm chest, and large hands wrap around your biceps.

Warmth fills your veins, and your body relaxes into the embrace on impact, eye lids fluttering closed when the scent of his after shave fills your head.

Your body collides with the books shelf, his hands caging you in, dark eyes glaring down at you. Rarely have you ever seen Ethan upset. The way his jaw clenched as he contemplates what to say to you has your breath a little uneven, and you can’t help but swoon, you’ve been without Ethan for far too long – even if you’re the reason for not seeing him.

“Why’re you telling Mindy I’m not into you?”

“ ‘cause you’re not Ethan”

“What the hell are you talking about”

“I saw you at that party with that girl, she was very pretty E, you don’t need to act like you’re into me - if you’re worried it’ll make things awkward it won’t - ”

Ethan’s brows crease, a low groan slipping past his lips “What girl? There is no girl” with the way he’s looking down at you, it’s almost easy to believe you could be with him.

“Yes there was. I thought we had some sort of agreement, or that our feelings were mutual. I should’ve expressed I’m not interested in sharing, that’s completely my fault -“

“Good god, Shutup with whatever you’re on about, and please believe me when I tell you; I’m not interested in sharing either, and whatever you think you saw was not what it looked like because I am really fucking into you”

Your lips part in shock, face flushing red, eyes widening as you stare up him, watching as his lips etch into the sly smirk you’ve been deprived of “you want me, you’ve got me” he mumbles, head tilting downwards ever so slightly, lips gently pecking yours.

“but! you can’t introduce me as your boyfriend”

you frown

“it’s gotta go like “this is my husband Ethan” or something”

#scream iv #scream 6 #ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #my inbox 🫧#🖤 ; lex talks 2 anons!

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b-o-e · 2 years ago

Text

kiss farewell

Wally Darling x Reader

Warnings: snugllin, lil smoochy kiss, you're being watched at one point hehe

although it is not necessary, I highly suggest reading my fics in their recommended order for the best experience! here is the link to all my silly lil wally fics in order. this is #8 :)

After a night spent at Wally’s, he walks you home.

“Good morning,”

With a muddled grumble, you rubbed away at the sleepiness in your eyes. Peeking up, you caught sight of the man you’d trapped beneath you, offering a dopey smile.

“G’mornin’, Darling,'” you uttered. Laying your head back down to rest on his belly again, you sighed softly. His hand returned to its spot on your back as you did, rubbing soothing little circles into it.

…

Huh. Sudden wave of déjà vu.

You lifted your head, brows furrowed in confusion, looking at Wally drowsily. He laughed quietly, shaking his head.

“Hi,” he grinned. This felt awful familiar.

“... Hi.” You mumbled, things clicking together as you looked around. “Wally?”

“Yes?”

You looked at him.

“... it wasn't a dream, right?”

“It wasn’t a dream,” he assured, chuckling a little. “I’m glad you didn't describe it as a nightmare, at least.”

“I would never,” you chuckled softly. “Only small portions of it,”

“How did you sleep?” He asked, shifting, trying not to move you too much.

“Wonderfully,” you hummed, “I’ve found my best sleeps have been while in your arms, it seems,”

Wally’s cheeks flushed, surprised by your answer.

“You’re also a bit extra straightforward when you’re sleepy,” he mumbled, making you laugh.

“Sorry,”

“It’s cute,”

“You think so?”

“I do, yes.”

You giggled, pushing yourself up from your lying position and sitting back on your heels, seated in the empty space between his legs.

“I fear if I don’t get up now, I’ll never want to leave,” You joked. Wally smiled.

“Ha ha, I wouldn’t mind,” he said, propping himself up higher.

“I wouldn’t either, but I can’t let myself be so lazy,” you yawned, lifting your hands above your head as you stretched. “I’ve got to get back to my house and change out of these clothes,”

“Allow me to walk you home,”

“What a gentleman you are, Darling,” you smiled, “Sure, if you would like. Thank you for letting me stay,”

“I wasn’t going to let you walk home so late at night. I wanted you to stay. Plus, I believe I was deserving of some compensation,” he quipped, laughing as you covered your face with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” you groaned, the shame from your actions the night prior resurfacing. “It was just– I don’t even know. Instinct, for some reason?” You hopelessly tried to defend yourself.

“Instinct to hang up when someone’s halfway through telling you they love you?”

You stayed silent.

“... yes.”

Wally laughed at you, shaking his head in amusement.

“Whatever you say. No matter, I am happy with how the night ended,”

You huffed, sliding off the bed, though a smile played at your lips.

“Yeah, me too.”

Wally had followed you out of bed, excusing himself to switch out of his sleepwear before taking you home. You plopped yourself down on his armchair, talking to Home as you waited, expressing your thanks for letting you in last night.

In no time Wally returned in his casual clothes, standing before you and offering his hand.

“All set?” he smiled. You accepted his help, standing up with his assistance.

“All set,” you repeated with a nod, heading with him to the door. Home opened it for the two of you, Wally gesturing for you to go on ahead.

“I’ll be back in a little, Home,” Wally waved goodbye as the two of you headed to your house.

“Mornin’, Sally! Julie!” Eddie greeted with a tip of his hat and a smile, digging into his mail bag.

“Good morning, favourite mailman of mine!” Julie returned with a gleeful grin. “How goes it today?”

“Just swell! I’ve got a letter for ya in here, somewhere!” He replied, brows furrowing. “Er… I should, at least…”

“Ooh! Take a look over there,” Sally piped, eyes set on a particular sight. The other two’s gazes followed.

“Well, wontcha look at that,” Eddie remarked, head tilting in curiosity.

“It looks like they’re coming from Home,” Julie noted.

“Wally’s dressed, but they’re in their pajamas. Their arms are linked too, but that’s pretty normal for them, isn't it?” Sally added.

“... you wouldn’t reckon something happened last night, wouldja?” Eddie questioned. “Look at ‘em. Doesn’t something seem different? They seem… lax, less uptight,” he continued, “do you think they’ve finally confessed or somethin’?”

“Well, look at you go. Didn’t know you were a detective on the side,” Julie remarked teasingly. “I do think you’re right, though…”

“Let’s follow them! See if anything happens!” Sally pitched, Eddie’s head whipping towards her with a look of shock. Julie was quick to agree.

“Ooh, good idea, Sally!”

“Huh?” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck. “Err, I dunno, fellas. Doesn’t that seem a bit… intrusive?”

“They’re in public,” Julie shrugged.

You and Wally walked together, pace slow and lazy, neither of you in a rush to leave the other. You made small talk, commenting on the beautiful weather today and plans for later on.

Far too soon did you make it back to your house, a pit of discontent in your belly as your time together was coming to a close.

You turned your back to your front door, facing Wally with a soft sigh. Noticing his neckerchief being slightly disarray, you focussed your attention on it.

“Your scarf is a little cockeyed,” you murmured, reaching out and carefully untying it, leaning over to readjust it so that it sat right.

Butterflies fluttered in Wally’s belly at the close proximity, the man lifting his chin a little to give you more room to work with. He watched you wordlessly, lips slightly parted, before he pressed them together.

“There,” you pulled away, satisfied with your work. “All better now, handsome,” you snickered softly, your eyes meeting his.

His pupils dilated when they met yours. You paused, cheeks flushing, realizing how close you had been, up in his personal space.

“Sorry,” you murmured bashfully, stepping back. Wally shook his head, smiling.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Where would I be without your help?” He chuckled.

“Somewhere looking like a slob,” you joked, wiping off a fuzzy from his shirt.

“Goodness, it appears so,” he uttered sheepishly. “I suppose I skipped giving myself a once over. I didn’t want you waiting long,”

“For you, I’d wait an eternity. There’s never any rush,” you assured. “However, I’m sure you have other plans you’d best be getting to. Thank you for walking me home,”

“You’re always welcome,” his hands interlocked behind his back. “I’ll see you later, neighbour,” he mumbled.

You cupped his face with one hand, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips. His body tensed in surprise, cheeks reddening.

“See you, Wally,” you smiled, heading inside.

The door clicked shut behind you, leaving Wally standing there, trying to recover from his shock.

Two fingers touched to his lips where yours had been moments prior, relishing the phantom feeling of them there. Releasing a lovesick sigh, he turned on his heel, ready to leave.

Your onlookers dropped like flies behind a nearby bush.

hello!!! I hope you enjoyed!!! lil snippets, hehe. I'm not too sure what to say today, so I suppose that's all!!! thank you!!!

here is a link to my silly lil wally fics in their recommended order if you would like :) these can also be found on my ao3 B) I also have a ko-fi if you'd like to support me!

likes and reblogs are very appreciated!! have a good day today!! I will see you next time B) MWAH!!

Posted Thursday, May 11, 2023 at 12:22 PM

#wally darling x reader #wally x reader #wally darling #welcome home x reader #welcome home #uggghh i gotta work today #n the next #n the next bahaha #but then I get a little break!!#until next time!! should be out in two or three days :)) we will see how i am doing!!

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laurelsofhighever · 1 year ago

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Hey, just saw your fic with Maric x Serving Girl Alistair's Mother. I read your author's notes on Ao3, and were you hinting at conflicting information on Alistair's mother's identity? Or is my tired brain misinterpreting? I'm all for writing whatever you want, go nuts, no problem with the fic. But this peaked my interest, because I've never heard of anything disputing Fiona, given 'The Calling' novel. Does it have to do with there being no acknowledgement in DAI if you have Alistair and Fiona at Skyhold at the same time? Any information or clarification you provide would be appreciated. I always loved Maric.

Hi Nonny! This has consumed my entire evening and I hope you’re prepared for the splurge about to be unleashed. Thank you for the ask! The disclaimer at the top of the fic is there because historically the subject of Alistair’s mother has been a… charged subject, for reasons that I won’t get into now because it’s not really relevant to your ask and I don’t have a horse in that specific race.

However, if you look into canon, there is indeed a bunch of conflicting information about the identity of Alistair’s mother – or rather, there’s a bunch of information that conflicts with the Word of God confirmation from David Gaider that Fiona is Alistair’s mother. Which… is also not exactly true. In an interview from 2014 when asked specifically about it, he said (after a long, weary sigh), “I never actually meant for it to be a thing … I thought the book was fairly obvious and then people were asking and I just never confirmed it … it comes up in the game and I will leave it at that” (timestamp starting 35:28 if you want to check it out yourself). Thing is, it doesn’t come up in the game, either in DA:O or in DA:I – which may be the game he’s referring to, since the interview is mostly to hype its release. It isn’t clear.

We do come close to getting in-game evidence for Fiona: in DA:I, the Inquisitor can ask her about her past, and if you read between the lines there is wistfulness there, and she’s sorry he dies, but her comments about it being “too late” to know him could just as easily be taken as being about her time as a Grey Warden if you haven’t read The Calling (TC) – she never comes out and directly says it, and we never witness a conversation between them, even if he’s a Warden presumably curious about how she became immune to the Calling (I have thoughts about this, but we’ll get to that later). In the DA:O end slides, it says someone orders an investigation into Alistair’s parentage that comes back “inconclusive” – but even without the dubious canon of the end slides (given that some, like Cullen’s, got heavily retconned in later games) this is a shaky piece of evidence at best that Alistair’s mother was anyone other than a servant. An inquest is politically motivated, after all, and would have been more concerned with his connection to Maric than the identity of his mother.

So where does this leave us? Well, we could go in circles debating what should count as canon or not, which isn’t entirely useful because people can draw lines in the sand wherever they like to make the points they want. We could argue that BioWare is really good at retconning and muddling its own lore and that the simplest explanation – that the devs made a mistake in some of the details and no one caught it – is the most likely, and that caring about it more than Gaider obviously does (with his well-known dislike of Alistair as a character) is kind of a waste of time.

Unfortunately, you’ve asked me about it, so what we’re actually going to do is go through every relevant piece of Dragon Age media, assume it is all canon, and weigh the evidence in the text to try and offer some clarification. Where things contradict, I will give more weight to the version that targets the broadest possible audience, i.e. the games > the books and novels. Where things contradict within the games, I’ll be considering which source of information is more authentic and direct within the game’s context, i.e. Alistair should know more about his history than a tavernkeep who’s listening to rumours.

Having said this, let’s start with TC, where all of our problems begin. In the last scene of this book, Fiona introduces Maric to a baby she says is theirs, and asks him to find it a home where it can be free of the stigmas of being the child of an elven mage. Fair enough. However, as conspiracy-brained as this is going to sound, there is no direct evidence to confirm that this baby is Alistair, and one or two things that suggest it isn’t. I’m not so shallow in my literary analysis that I count the fact that the baby is never named as one of those pieces of evidence. That would just be petty. Far more compelling is:

Timing: TC is set after Queen Rowan’s death. There’s some quibble about dates in World of Thedas and whether it was supposed to be set in 9:10 or 9:14 bur really that’s a numbers game and it’s beside the point, because it’s built into the plot that Maric decides to go with the Grey Wardens specifically because he’s feeling depressed and reckless through grief for Rowan. This is important because, as gets mentioned quite a few times in DA:O, Alistair was hidden in Redcliffe because Rowan was still alive. This is a conflict of information, and as already stated, games > novels.

There’s no amulet: Giving Alistair his mother’s amulet is a pretty significant moment in DA:O. It’s all he has of hers, and it’s something that ties them together narratively. If this was all meant to wrap up neatly, then the least Gaider could have done would have been to mention Fiona taking off her Andrastian amulet and gifting it to Alistair to be something of hers he can keep even when she’s not with him anymore. The fact that this doesn’t happen makes this scene emotionally empty when we know he got an amulet from a person whom he considered to be his mother. If not Fiona, then where did it come from?

'“He’s human,” [Maric] exclaimed out loud': if there’s one thing a lot of DA fans can agree on, it’s that “human/elf hybrids are totally human” is bullshit. It’s not how genetics works, it has some yikes implications considering how heavily the devs took inspiration from oppressed minorities to create the elves, and it’s not a plot point that’s ever used in an interesting way (we will get to Michel de Chevin in a moment). It’s also not true. In DA2 there is an entire series of quests about a character named Feynriel, who was born to a Dalish mother and a human father, and who is visibly part-elven. He has points on his ears! He has facial proportions halfway between the humans and elves in the game! He’s rejected by both sides of his family because of it! Now, there is also Michel de Chevin, who in The Masked Empire (TME) is revealed to have an elven mother, but this is never mentioned when he appears in DA:I, and is kind of a non-issue in the novel as well. This is the most nebulous piece of evidence by far, as it relies by default on picking which bits of material are canon, which I've already said we’re not doing here, and to be honest the physical differences between elves and humans are only really noticeable in DA2 where there was an effort made to make them look deliberately nonhuman.

Except for the timeline of the book, the evidence in TC is circumstantial. We get to more definite evidence in Until We Sleep (UWS), the third volume in The Silent Grove comics storyline, where Alistair gets to meet and talk with a dream version of his father, Maric. When Alistair asks his father to come home, Maric says, “I had a life. The people I love are all here – Cailan, your mother, Loghain… none of them are in the real world any longer, are they?” (A+ parenting there btw). Since this series takes place before DA:I, Fiona is definitely still alive, so Maric can’t be talking about her. Also, it’s interesting to note that this too is written by David Gaider, so it’s not a case of writers being at cross-purposes or not getting any intra-office memos. There are continuity mistakes in these comics, but these are mostly confined to the fact that neither Alistair nor Isabella match their in-game appearances – and remember, the games have more weight than the comics. Having said that, it does conflict with the "official" story.

With all this said, let’s come to the other beginning of all our problems, most people’s proper introduction to Alistair’s character, DA:O. In this game, it is a significant plot point that Alistair is the son of a servant from Redcliffe: it is explicitly stated in Alistair’s codex entry, and furthermore, it is something that multiple characters assert is true, including Loghain and Alistair himself.

First, Loghain. If you spare him at the Landsmeet, he joins your party and has dialogue options that talk about Alistair and why he was kept at Redcliffe. According to him, Maric nearly acknowledged Alistair, but “had more than his honour to think of”, namely the effect it would have had on Rowan and Cailan (implied: how that would have affected political stability in a Ferelden still recovering from the Orlesian Occupation). He points out that Alistair "would have been a continual reminder to Rowan of Maric’s infidelity”, which as mentioned above, means that she would have still been alive when Alistair was born.

As for Alistair, yes he was a baby at the time so doesn’t really have an objective viewpoint, and it’s not confirmed whether the person he considers his mother died in childbirth or just in his early years – the codex entry says “when he was young”, he says “when I was born”. Nevertheless, it’s clear he’s asked questions about her because he knows roughly who she was and what she did, and also at some point learnt the name and rough location of the person his entire companion quest (and Fade dream) revolves around.

Let’s talk about Goldana.

Really, she is the biggest wrench in the certainty that Fiona is Alistair’s mother, because there’s no way to square away that fact with her existence, and by extension the existence of the servant in Redcliffe who was her (and Alistair’s) mother. But what if she’s just an exceptional liar, thinking she could make a quick sovereign out of the king’s bastard by playing along? It’s possible. However:

When you take Alistair to meet her, she’s the one who brings up Maric (“I said the babe was the king’s, and they told me he was dead, and gave me a coin to shut my mouth”) – Alistair until that point has only mentioned his mother and that she worked in Redcliffe Castle. If she was hedging her bets, wouldn’t it make more sense for her to accuse him of being Eamon’s bastard?

If she were talking nonsense, why would “they” bribe her with hush money? It would be very easy for someone as powerful as Arl Eamon to dismiss or debunk such claims, and he shouldn’t care what a random servant’s kid has to say – unless there’s a kernel of truth in it that he doesn’t want anyone looking at more closely

On that same note, why would “they” tell her the baby was dead if it wasn’t, if it was just some random’s kid? Either there’s an entirely separate baby that Goldana believes for some mysterious reason was fathered by the king, which Alistair – actually fathered by the king – replaced at just the right age that nobody noticed, or they’re the same baby. One of these options is far more plausible than the other

If she’s that good at lying, why is she still just a washerwoman living in a hovel and asking three copper per load? She should be running Denerim!

Facetiousness aside, Goldana’s story confirms that at the very least there was a serving girl in Redcliffe Castle who had a baby at roughly the same time that Alistair was born, and that for whatever reason, she was connected enough to Maric that multiple people in the castle suspected he was the father (and resented Alistair because of it). If this was an entirely separate baby, then it makes Maric an absolute shit of a person to have taken one son and used him to replace one that had just died in childbirth. Either that or a complete idiot for sending his actual son to a place where he’s rumoured to have a son and deciding that’s a secure hiding place – because you can’t tell me Eamon wasn’t aware of what was going on under his own roof. Even the fact that Alistair himself knows and was aware of it from a young age suggests that it wasn’t a very well-kept secret.

So where does all this leave us? From here, things get a little more suppositional, a little more Doylist, and a lot more subjective. To start with, taking into account all of the above evidence, if Fiona is Alistair’s mother, then his arrival at Redcliffe relies on a – I would say – plot-breaking set of contrivances.

1: Fiona, somehow cured of the darkspawn taint enough to have a child, arrives in Denerim with Alistair, who isn’t old enough to be weaned yet, asking for somewhere to put him that won’t draw attention. She does this after walking pretty much all the way across Thedas even though, as mentioned in TC, the Wardens already have procedures in place for fostering children born to their ranks, presumably ones that don’t involve so much steady exercise.

2: Instead of using his kingly resources to track down a woman in Denerim who has recently given birth and telling her to take on an extra kid, Maric decides to send the baby to the other end of the country, to the house of an unmarried nobleman who will definitely not stir any gossip if he shows up on his own doorstep with an infant he wants someone to care for. Where did the baby come from? Don’t ask. Are you happy that everyone will think this kid is your bastard? I’m sure it’s a decision that won’t have any negative consequences for me in the future. But you are going to tell everyone he’s your bastard to keep up the ruse, right? No, now stop asking questions.

2: Luckily, there’s a woman in Eamon’s household who has recently given birth, or is at least close to it, and they can substitute? add? this baby to that baby without having to pay her off, because she’s an employee. The bait ‘n’ switch is timed so perfectly that no one notices that there are in fact two babies, or that the baby is suddenly several months older than it was before (truly, a medical miracle). Unless they’re exactly the same age, in which case what are the odds.

3: Somehow, despite all the secrecy, this woman’s other child knows that the baby is the king’s and won’t shut up about it, to the point where someone has to pay her off and send her packing. But that’s all unnecessary, because the woman – and her original baby I guess? – both die and leave no witnesses.

4: Rowan still manages to be mad about this and everyone is worried for her reputation despite having been dead for two years.

It’s a level of convolution that does not exist with the alternative, which has been pretty common since forever in the real world: powerful man sees pretty woman, decides he’ll have that, doesn’t want to face the consequences, makes everyone miserable in the process. Alistair’s mother being an ordinary person caught up in the orbit of someone she can’t resist is so much more narratively coherent, if significantly less romantic.

And this is where we get into the biggest problem that I have with Fiona-as-Alistair’s-mother: it has no payoff. These are fictional people, structure is important for narrative, and while I’m not saying that every little thing has to have purpose or direction, a pretty significant amount of Alistair’s character arc in DA:O is wiped away if his mother isn’t who he thinks it is. His story is about social class and identity and whether legacy is even worth it: Fiona’s identity means nothing to him, and that’s not something that ever changes. In DA:I she looks a bit sad when she mentions him, but there’s no work ever done to explore that, or to explore how Alistair might feel if his mother is actually alive but abandoned him, and how awkward that makes things for him if he’s king. OR to have him hear that she’s now immune to the taint and be just a little bit curious about how that came about. There’s no conversation, no status quo shift. Instead, the devs rely on the fans who know this metatextual fact to do the emotional heavy lifting for them and extrapolate the consequences they don’t want to deal with themselves.

It is lazy writing.

In some cases I also think it becomes a prop that invalidates the point of his character arc – and even breaks the worldbuilding a little, turning what was originally a struggle to forge an identity separate from people’s expectations, into a straight case of nepotism. The two most egregious examples?

Is he able to use templar abilities without lyrium because anyone with enough training and discipline can do it, and the lyrium is just the Chantry’s way of keeping its army leashed and loyal? Nope, it’s because he’s special because his mummy was a mage and it gave him special latent mage powers. That’s far more interesting than examining the ramifications of a religious order using addiction and brainwashing to make sure its soldiers will commit atrocities without question.

Is he a Warden because of his strength of will and determination to survive, chosen from the ranks of the other potential recruits because he had a spark of something that Duncan knew would be valuable in the fight against the darkspawn? Nope, it’s because his mummy was a Grey Warden and gave him special taint immunity powers, and also she was best friends with the current Warden-Commander so he was picked even though there were better fighters among the potentials competing that day. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that all Wardens secretly have Warden blood already because that would be ridiculous, it’s just Alistair who needed that extra leg-up because otherwise he’d be useless at everything.

I promised myself I would rein in the sarcasm but from a storytelling perspective it really annoys me that this shift turns him from an ordinary person into the specialest boy in the world, because it denies him his agency and takes the teeth out of his achievements. I’m not even going to get into how it lets BioWare off the hook for representation, insisting he is half-elven and taking a gold star when he’s never identifiable in-world as a member of an oppressed minority, and it never has any bearing on how he views the world or how it views him. It feels like it’s giving the devs far more credit than they deserve, especially when the effort they put into this (minimal as it was) could have gone into giving Zevran more to say on this. exact. subject. He’s right there, and he is perfect for exploring this aspect of the worldbuilding when he isn't being overlooked.

This is getting a little ranty now so I’ll wrap it up with thanks for your patience, Nonny, if you’ve made it this far. What’s the conclusion? At the end of the day, people can make up their own minds with their own reasoning, all I’ve attempted to do here is lay out the various threads untangled from the snarl that is BioWare’s incomparable ability to fuck up their own lore. Personally, I think Alistair’s mother being an ordinary servant makes his journey and the themes of his character arc more compelling wherever he ends up, and I like that this means his parentage is a facet of his identity rather than the only interesting thing about him. I also think the weight of evidence in DA:O, the game where he’s first introduced, is greater than in a tacked-on scene at the end of a tie-in novel written by a guy who seemed to just think it was a good idea at the time. But hey, I’m not the authority.

However, if there’s one solid takeaway from this then here it is: don’t give BioWare more credit than they deserve, don’t do their work for them, and especially don’t assume they’re leading us down a merry path with super-secret truths for enlightened minds only when the simpler explanation is that no one stopped (in this instance) David Gaider getting carried away.

#dragon age #dragon age meta #bioware critical #dragon age: origins #dragon age: inquisition #the calling #dragon age 2 #alistair theirin #maric theirin #alistair's mother #arl eamon #teyrn loghain

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1ore · 6 months ago

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Hi, I've been following you since Ye Olde Esk Days and you've always been a huge inspiration for me as a fellow gender-questioning neurodivergent lesbian both in art and science.

I've been wanting to reach out because I'm considering enrolling in Enviroinmental Sciences (or something in that ballpark) in 1 or 2 years and wanted to ask how your experience studying it has been to you as a person with an artistic bakground? I am afraid my ADHD might get in the way of maths, and that I might not be "smart" enough to pursue a degree in STEM, despite the fact I've always been interested in scientific subjects and in the conservation efforts around the area (and the river) I grew up in. so, yeah, I don't really know what else to say xmx I hope this message wasn't too much, and thank you for taking the time to read it. Your art and its message has always meant a lot to me! (also, happy Pride month!)

ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

So, funny enough, math anxiety is part of what what led me to Environmental Science in the first place. My degree is a Bachelor of Arts in Environmental Science, not a Bachelor of Science, because IIIIIII didn’t want to take more semesters of calculus and organic chemistry than I had to 🤪 I struggled with math in highschool, and by the time I went back to school, it had been more than 5 years since I last took a math class. I was also more interested in the interdisciplinary parts of Environmental Science, so a BA let me put more credit hours towards classes in policy, law, social science, humanities, etc.

As far as I know, having a BA hasn’t held me back. I’ve been accepted into internships and other programs doing “real science” just fine. Maybe this won’t always be true, but I’ve figured out that I like teaching and engaging people in science more than I like being in academia, so that works out fine for me.

As for my experience with ADHD and math/science courses, I have euuuauuuehhh a lot of thoughts. This gets dense, sorry.

First, my ADHD came with a side of anxiety, which manifested as a compulsion to do well academically regardless of how much my mental health suffered. Doing busy work felt like hell on earth for reasons that were then mysterious to me, but disappointing my teachers felt Worse. So I became really good at, like, academic minmaxing, not so much learning or taking care of myself. It’s hard to articulate. I want to say I was muddling through these classes as a professional test-taker and not a student, and also not applying myself fully. But at the same time, I felt like I was well beyond my breaking point? This made more sense to me later when I got the diagnosis LOL. my capacity for doing the things I’m supposed to do, the way I’m supposed to do them, is lower than other peoples’. So either I do what I’m not supposed to do, or I do it “the wrong way.” <- meaningless.

I say all that because coursework is a poor metric of how “good” you are at science or math, or whether you'll enjoy doing them outside of the classroom. We know this LOL but I want to reiterate it. I learned how to get really good grades without learning how to reason my way through why xyz methodology is justified, or how to ask questions and be curious about what’s happening around me. It’s corny but it’s true. on one hand I still struggle with these, because I’m still working under the assumption that whatever’s going on in my head is the “wrong” way to do it. But ADHD does a lot of heavy lifting for us with lateral thinking and being able to make connections that other people can’t always see. If you want to do Science ™ (as in academic research,) this is an awesome tool to have in your toolkit.

There’s also a whole world of environmental work outside of academia that demands its own skillset, which coursework may or may not teach. Like, if you want to do hands-on restoration work or interpretive work or field technician stuff, this is less “can you spit out the balanced equation for photosynthesis on command” and more “can you operate a woodchipper” or “are you comfortable with public speaking and customer service.“ This is another part of what attracted me to envirosci--how wide-ranging the job market is. The backdrop of science is the same, but your day-to-day responsibilities can look wildly different.

Also, if it’s any encouragement, being an arts person has been a huge plus in my experience. My most recent employer told me outright that the artsy scicomm stuff in my resume is what made them think “oh, we need her.” Art and science are wives LOL a lot of the skills you hone as an artist are invaluable in science, especially if you’re doing any kind of communication work. (<- has seen some poorly-written papers and incomprehensible figures in her time)

Going along with that, back when I was yea high and wanted to do art professionally, I remember people telling me that you only go to art school for the professional connections. A lot of STEM careers are locked behind having a specialized degree, but I think this advice is still applicable here. Being a “good student” hasn’t helped me as much as abandoning my anxiety and sending cold emails, showing up at peoples’ guest lectures and office hours, participating fully and sincerely, etc. The stuff I did outside the classroom was more meaningful to me, in the end. (That said, I was lucky to have several classes that were more skills/training-oriented for things like GIS, field botany, conducting environmental assessments for NEPA, etc. You can swing projects for classes like these as opportunities to build skills or create portfolio pieces.)

OK. I thiiiink that’s everything I have for you? I hope that answers your question. If not, I can give it another shot. I'll also leave you with this answer from beloved mutual Heedra re: what Environmental Science as a major is like. I can't believe it's 6 years old because it's part of what put Environmental Science on my radar in the first place LOL

#for science #Thank you for reaching out! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU!!!#as a recovering 4.0 GPA-haver. muddling is the way to go. they say c's get degrees for a reason.#i know some of you are environmental science-adjacent so maybe you have insight to share too

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kkoct-ik · 3 months ago

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kottik i think ive already said it before but i SO so appreciate your perspective and attention to detail with dissociative stuff. trying to wade through scattered info on the internet for reliable resources feels like an impossible task sometimes lol so having the DID writing guide + your alter worksheet definitely helps a lot!

feedback on the guide itself: i loved it!!! the only parts i didn’t personally find relatable were the parts discussing later stages of healing/recovery (since im not quite there yet) and some of the functional neurological symptoms, but everything else felt like it was describing my own journey and experiences with DID perfectly. i also really appreciated the section on amnesia and different types of dissociation, plus the lesser known symptoms, since a lot of the time i see conflicting and confusing info on that + i feel like a lot of writers who try to write DID and describe how amnesia feels miss out on that stuff and just skim webmd or something for their info. and honestly even in online And offline discussions of DID ive seen other people try to describe how it really works and feels and its… not always described well lmao . but that’s a whole other can of worms etc

i think, though it’s just a writing resource, it was also very affirming to see it all laid out like that. like Oh shit yeah i do all of that. that’s my life on the page!!! the whole time i read it i was like ‘i knew this stuff already, but i never knew how to explain it properly.’ and it’s definitely the kind of thing i wish id been able to see when i first started noticing my symptoms. many years of misinfo and confusion have messed w my perception of myself n my disorder for a long time so it feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone else pushing against that and actually doing their research to try and clear things up. not to mention how clear your descriptions are + how easy it is to comprehend your explanations, while still being concise and to the point. so great work!!! 5 star rating, will definitely be recommending it to others :3 hope to see more from you + hope that it helps others write cool stuff!

i missed this ask!!!! sorry for missing this yesterday

thank you!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa. im so glad. so happy yaaaay

yeah, i definitely relate with the struggling to articulate experiences, being muddled by things online, and feeling like other people really dont quite get it when trying to represent whats going on. it makes me happy i can help with that!!

i feel like i'm in a good place that i've read a Lot of DID & CPTSD lit and i've been stabilising in treatment (processing some stuff, working on myself, getting a better understanding of therapy practice). i think it's given me a lot of perspective on my disorder that i wouldn't really have otherwise, and that a lot of people might not have either.

(rambling...)

cuz yeah. i think trying to understand DID on the internet is a monumentously difficult task. on one hand, you have personal accounts from people with DID, and on the other, you have doctors and generic websites. both don't quite give a full or reliable picture.

if you try to understand DID by listening to individuals, you're vulnerable to being incredibly confused and misled. and most of the time it's not intentional - it's hard to communicate what your symptoms are when you think half of it is normal and the other half is conflicted and fragmented - but it can give others very strange ideas about what the condition operates like at large.

it might also seem respectful to take everything we say at face value, but that ends up meaning that our flawed / misguided perceptions of ourselves and our symptoms become solidified as fact. we are mentally ill, we are not necessarily educated, and are a patient base prone to daydreaming and suggestion. we can get things wrong, and we can emphasise the wrong things.

when people take our unreliable accounts as fact (vivid recounts of psuedomemories, venting about feeling like seperate people, or expressing any number of mistaken symptoms), our experiences can start to sound like fantasy. suddenly DID sounds like a disorder you could not fathom having or ever truly understand, rather than a disorder that is simply inherently confusing to live with.

that said, if you try to avoid that by learning about DID soley through medical accounts and websites, you will only ever hear about reported symptoms, the most extreme & notable case studies, patient observations, and generic criteria, leaving a Lot to fill in the gaps (when you try to deduce what it feels like to live with it / be in our brains), that leads to other kinds of inaccuracies.

(for my health i'm not even going to try to touch on hollywood and online influencers that sensationalise the condition for clicks and thus dominate the algorithm. but obviously they are a factor too. pop culture is a powerful thing.)

the internet is a mess! and while not everything that is misleading is untrue, it can be very easy to just, not quite get it, or misunderstand things fundamentally, in any number of ways.

so yeah, it makes me happy that between my life experience, therapy, and obnoxious amount of pages read, i can actually make what goes on somewhat digestible. i want to help contextualise medical criteria, pull out relevant snippets, and point people to some really good resources.

it's not to say i'm a spokesperson or expert. i am very much just a huge nerd who happens to suffer from a disorder and is very invested in understanding myself. but the positive feedback does reassure me that i haven't gotten anything heinously wrong.

ty again :)) yaayy

#thanks for mentioning my worksheet too! im proud of it #obvs geared more towards systems than outsiders #but its really a culmination of what ive found useful to interrogate about myself #its a good baseline to establish. good thing to keep track of. and good thing to keep in mind as you work on yourself and see what emerges #ask #i do have functional symptoms... shoutout to my dissociative seizures :(#but yay. im so happy people like my work #does a dancey dance #did tag

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infizero-draws · 2 years ago

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Hey! I followed you because I think your art is super funky and awesome and cool and I've been mildly interested in Sonic for awhile now. Most of my content is very secondhand, like commentary videos and the Snapcube dubs.

To make a long story short, I want to get into Sonic. Like for realsies. There's so much content out there and I don't know anyone personally who enjoys it, so how do you suggest I approach this?

Aw thank you so much I'm glad you like my art!!

It really depends on what you're most interested in! Sonic is a franchise that spans different mediums and has been on-going for a long time, so there's a lot of content with very different vibes and varying levels of quality (though that's subjective of course).

I'd say that probably the best way overall to get familiar with the characters and world as a newcomer is to read the IDW comics! They're very well-written, have gorgeous art, and are easily accessible to new fans while still having lots of references to previous installments. They take place directly after Sonic Forces, but they summarize the events of that game so don't worry about needing that context. There's also a couple of mini-series to check out!

There's the games of course, which are the main canon that the IDW comics build off of/are technically a part of. I would personally recommend Sonic Adventure 2, it's my favorite game and though basically everyone calls it their favorite, like, it's for a reason. SA2 for me is the best game overall, as its story is great, the gameplay is fun and works perfectly alongside the story, and it's just full of charm. It's the most cohesive Sonic game imo, everything feels so interconnected and masterfully woven together, I love playing it. Don't be scared off by the "2" in the title btw, though there are some elements from Sonic Adventure that are referenced, you can still totally enjoy it without knowing anything about the first game as it's mainly standalone.

^ (also sidenote but sa2's story got a littleee muddled by the english localization, its not the worst but i'd recommend this video that goes over the story in detail with an emphasis on the original japanese script. there used to be an upload of the jp cutscenes with faithful eng subtitles but unfortunately last year the channel got nuked and there weren't any backups T_T im still not over it)

When it comes to recommending games it sort of depends on whether you plan on actually playing them yourself or just watching someone else play them, because there's a lot of Sonic games that have really good stories but subpar gameplay, or games that don't really have a story but good gameplay. Also everyone has their own preferences when it comes to types of games so there's that too.

Sonic is a franchise that both sort of has an overarching story (or at least they did back in the early 2000s when the games had a story that was built upon with each game, something that we might be finally returning to with Sonic Frontiers!) and also has many games and cartoons where they're kind of separate from all of that and function as standalone stories or just take place in their own universes entirely. There's many different canons across the different mediums, but the main one is the mainline games + IDW + now Sonic Prime on Netflix, which is apparently also canon to the main game canon!

Sorry if this is overwhelming >< it's a big franchise with a lot of different stuff and different canons and a wonky timeline so it's sort of hard to pinpoint the exact things a new fan """"should"""" check out. I'd say check out the IDW comics and then see if any of the games (or just their cutscenes in a compilation on YouTube lol) spark your interest!

And I say this every time I get these kinds of asks about a fandom I'm in, but PLEASE feel free to send me another ask or even shoot me a dm if you're comfortable if you want more specific advice or are confused about something, I literally love nothing more than talking about sonic the hedgehog at length. (Although I'd prefer if you sent them to my main @infizero as I use this account mainly just for art ^_^)

Anyways I hope this helped in some way ToT

#asks #not art #i also love the snapcube dubs 👍

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red--leading · 1 year ago

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> doing this myself because i dont get enough reach to receive asks

🎨: i love it! not everything portrays me as id like but thats fine!

📝: i feel mixed- personally i dont read anything with much weight/story, im definitely a PWP kinda guy, but still its pretty neat!

✅: the hentai thing, especially the RIGHT way in recent years & my generally obnoxious libido- and the fact that i think cats are pretty cool!

❌: MOST things unfortunately... very rare to see a truly BASED portrayal of myself. most egregiously- usually they make me good at socializing and flirting, which i am not. i also do not hate tom as much as The End would have you believe. i am also not evil terrible villain.

🗺️💔🚫: i dont have particular memories, mostly just intense feelings that "yes this is right"/"no this is wrong", so i cant answer these well.

🔀: thats hard to put a finger on. i seem to be a very muddled mix of all eras, although classic is the most prevalent for me in reality. i guess im somewhat compliant in that manner. regarding my most iconic portrayal in the end, i am mainly divergent because that was mostly SLANDER.

⚧️: source-wise im a cisgender man, which is still true and was canon. nothing was confirmed sexuality-wise, but i know currently that i am very bi.

💗: scars, shitty incel weeb gamer activities, and as cliche as it seems, having red things/wearing red and eating bacon.

🖊️: yes.

👬: NO THANK YOU! i have generally always had an issue with "duplicates" of ANY name in ANY context (i am uncomfortable if i know two people with the same name) and this is a contributing factor to why i dislike doubles and even for-fun-kins.

⭐️: i cant quite put my finger on it??? i just have this strong, set feeling that says "yes; that is me."

🎙️: probably my living situation (lack of roommates), which is funny.

💞: everyone thinks my only character trait is Horny(TM) ((theyre not wrong))

❓: i have no preference i dont think

👍: the writing & humor, as well as the charm of Edd's style.

👎: the legacy era (sorry.)

💸: YES!! and its mostly limited edition with me in it!

🌸: sure? the question is tricky for me to decipher, sorry.

🌻: here on tumblr in designated spaces, & with my few online friends, and my partner, although i openly use my source name and have an obvious motif of myself (avatars/themes, etc) elsewhere.

Ask Game: Fictionkin, Fictives, and Other Fiction-based Identities

this post is safe for folks with any fictional source and for endogenic systems! please don't reblog if your blog is not

🎨 How do you feel about fanart?

📝 How do you feel about fanfiction?

✅ What does the fandom usually get right?

❌ What does the fandom usually get wrong?

🗺️ What do you miss about your world?

💔 Who are you missing right now?

🚫 Is there anyone you hope to never see again?

🔀 How canon-divergent vs. canon-compliant are you?

⚧ What were your gender and orientation in your timeline; was your identity canon?

💗 What helps you feel closer to your source (in a positive way)?

🖊️ Do you use your name from your source?

👬 How do you feel about doubles?

⭐ Is your fiction-based identity spiritual, psychological, or something else?

🎙️ What's the biggest difference between you and your canon self?

💞 What's the biggest similarity between you and your canon self?

❓ Do you prefer when people are familiar or unfamiliar with your source when they meet you?

👍 What's your favorite thing about your source?

👎 What's your least favorite thing about your source?

💸 Do you own any merch of your source?

🌸 Do you feel comfortable in your fiction-based identity?

🌻 Who are you open with about your fiction-based identity?

#fictionkin #ask game #kin #tord irl #eddsworld irl

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fatuifucker · 2 years ago

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stream clip: posting your boobs on twitter so scara can win a twitter poll

PAIRING = streamer! scaramouche x fem-sex reader (they/them pronouns used but mention of boobs)

WARNINGS = boobplay (reader receiving), not canon to sucker series storyline, scuffed writing

W/C = 0.5k

A/N = from this post, yayy congrats on scara for winning and thank you scaranation for helping! also not...very...proud of it though,, despite my love for boobs, i don't read wlw smut so i don't know how to write them :shrug: i'm sorry i'll try harder next time aaaaaaaaa

TAGS = @midnxght-sweet-time, @zen-daydreams, @edenialucas, @huboi, @nejibot, @teallapril, @lovediluc, @yumixxn (i can't tag some of you guys sorry)

scara☆lover @yn-reader

If Scara wins I'll post a pic of my boobs

[stream deja vu!! @best-streamers

round one: 06ScaraBalladeer vs KoushiWhale]

scara-sama @06ScaraBalladeer

They said it! A vote for me is a vote for free boobs!

[scara☆lover @yn-reader

If Scara wins I'll post a pic of my boobs]

—

You: Kuni

You: What did you do?

Kuniku<3: Huh what are you talking about

Kuniku<3: How far are you from home? I want my cake

You: Kuni, you know what you retweeted

Kuniku<3: Oh that…hehe, just a little encouragement to get people voting for me

Kuniku<3: Aka the most prettiest doll in the universe

Kuniku<3: You wouldn't let me lose, would you?

You: Kuni.

Kuniku<3: Besides when I win, we'll get more clout for the channel

Kuniku<3: And you said you'd do anything to help me grow, riiiight?

You: …

—

"Get a good shot. We need to thank them properly, don't you think?"

You position the phone close to your chest — showcasing your assets while concealing your face from view. Scara's signature lace gloves cup your breasts, his breath blowing into your ear as he orders you to take a picture.

"That's good enough," he says, snatching the phone from you and going on your account.

"I'm surprised you're okay with that. I thought you didn't want me to sell my body."

"It's fine, we'll deleting the post in a minute." He removes his gloves and tosses it aside. "And it's not like they'll know that you're my s/o. They'll just think I'm rewarding a fan, probably make some creepy comments, which all means more clout." He taps the post button before leaving the phone on the table and reaching over to grab a bottle of lotion. “Now that’s done…let me appreciate you too.”

Kuni squirts out a few pumps of the lotion, spreading it evenly atop his palms. The delicate scent of rain and lavender is pleasing and even therapeutic; well, you bought it for Kuni because of its calming properties. He shifts his body, spreading his legs as an invitation for you to come closer. Knowing what he intends on doing, you lean your back against his chest.

Kuni’s hands make their way to your chest and gently kneads your breasts. His thumbs dig at the flesh, the pads of his fingers putting the right amount of pressure. He hums as spreads the sticky white substance all over your mounds, and you know he’s smiling behind you.

“Poor thing, look at all this tension you’ve built up,” Kuni coos. “You’ve been working so hard for my sake, haven’t you?” His fingers circle around your areola, making you jump when he roughly pinches your nipples. “What a good little producer I have.”

Burying his face into your nape, Kuni continues to massage your tits, drinking in all your whimpers and cries. The lavender scent — that was meant to calm you down — is hypnotic, the squelchy sounds of the viscous liquid on skin adding to the muddled mess in your mind. You weakly call out his name, but the only salvation you received was a warm tongue gliding the shell of your ear. All you could do is sink into his hold, shutting your eyes as you succumb to the pleasure.

“Hehe, (Name), you truly are adorable.”

#genshin impact smut #genshin x reader smut #genshin smut #scaramouche x reader smut #genshin scaramouche x reader smut #scaramouche smut #genshin scaramouche smut #sucker au #sucker series

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bobateastay · 3 years ago

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Hi can I request for a smut one-shot? a dom!hongjoong x f!reader where reader is hongjoong's gf also a producer working with ateez and she gets too flirty with wooyoung and it makes hongjoong jealous and ends up with a rough sex in studio after others left! sorry if its too much I've tried my best to explain TT

kim hongjoong x fem!reader

nsfw content - do not interact or read if you are under 18

cw - smut, mild jealousy, themes of possessiveness, brief impact play, brief choking, studio sex

word count: 3.3k

a/n: first off i want to apologise for taking so long with this request, i really hope that this isn't too late and that you'll still enjoy it!! if not let me know and i'll rewrite it or write something else for you! thank you so much for the request and for your patience <3

Jealousy was too heavy a word for the feeling that would occasionally bubble up in Hongjoong’s chest. Jealousy meant all kinds of things at once, like being insecure or possessive or grudgeful, and Hongjoong was none of those things. He wasn’t envious either - he was more than happy with the relationship he had with you and felt no longing to get from you what you might give to other people in your life but not to him. So Hongjoong wasn’t jealous and he wasn’t envious, but unfortunately he couldn’t really come up with another word for how he felt. In the end it all boiled down to the fact that he liked to remind both you and himself of how much of your trust you placed in him and how much trust he placed in you. Luckily for him, you liked being reminded of those just as much as he did, so it all worked out fine.

Except for days like today.

“Don’t I sound good?” Wooyoung said, exaggerating the words for the sake of joking around with you. “Am I living up to the role of ATEEZ’s sexy guy?”

“Wooyoung,” your voice echoed through the small room, taking on a soft sing-song lilt that made Hongjoong squirm slightly in his seat. You giggled from where you were sitting, resting your chin on your palm as you looked at Wooyoung. “Come on, let’s go through it again.”

Normally Hongjoong was happy to know that you got along well with his members - it was hard to mix personal and work life with his profession but you made it easy for him, although that might largely have been thanks to the fact that you worked at KQ. But watching Wooyoung whine at you and blow you kisses every chance he got, not to mention you reciprocating all the while, was starting to irk Hongjoong. He knew that it was noticeable from the way Seonghwa and Yunho glanced at him every time Wooyoung opened his mouth to speak. The other members were probably doing it too, although Hongjoong didn’t have the guts to check, not when he knew that they would inevitably tease him about it later. So all he could do was stare at the two of you and hope that the daggers he was glaring at Wooyoung weren’t too sharp.

“Okay Youngie, that’s all,” you hummed, turning around in your chair and kicking your legs lightly. It was adorable - even with his muddled mind Hongjoong knew that - but not adorable enough to make him smile like he usually would have. Your eyes met his for a moment and you flashed him a brief smile, only looking away when he nodded slightly to acknowledge it. “Everyone did a good job today, thank you for your hard work!”

The boys were all flattered smiles and thankful words once you’d spoken, the tension in Hongjoong’s shoulders dissipating a little at the sight. Of course he wasn’t lucky enough for it to last.

“Will you walk us out?” Wooyoung asked in the same sing-song tone you’d used earlier, smiling at you as the rest of the members started getting up to leave. You glanced at Hongjoong before answering Wooyoung, waiting to hear his opinion. Hongjoong just shrugged, a pout forming on his lips before he could stop himself.

“Sure I’ll walk with you. Hongjoong and I were going to head to his studio anyway,” you answered, seemingly oblivious to how Hongjoong’s pout was starting to look more and more like a frown.

“Score!” Wooyoung chirped, linking his arm with yours as soon as you stood up. You rewarded the action by ruffling his hair, walking out amongst the other members while Hongjoong stayed glued to his seat, his brain trying and failing to process the cold feeling mixing up with his insides. “You look pretty today by the way!”

Hongjoong mimicked Wooyoung's words under his breath, huffing as he got up from his seat and rushed to catch up with you all. Didn’t Wooyoung know that you looked pretty everyday?

“Hongie,” you called out for him from a couple of meters ahead. When Hongjoong looked up he saw that you were still walking with your arm linked through Wooyoung’s, a wide smile on your lips. “Why are you so far behind?”

Hongjoong made a small disgruntled sound in the back of his throat, trying his best to play it off now that he had the rest of the members looking at him as well.

“I’ll meet you at my studio instead,” he said, giving you and the members a half-hearted wave. He barely paid attention to the confused look that crossed your features, quickly making his way back to his own studio instead of following the rest of you out to the building’s entrance. He knew it was sort of unreasonable but he didn’t care very much either, shutting the door to his studio with more force than was probably necessary before sitting down on the sofa also with more force than was probably necessary, the furniture complaining beneath his weight. He’d wait for you to get here before starting with any work.

Luckily, it didn’t take you very long to get back, the door opening to reveal the half-worried, half-confused expression that took over your features as soon as you met Hongjoong’s eyes. You shut the door behind you, letting out a soft sigh as you leaned back onto it.

“What was that about?” you asked, your voice just as patient as always. It only made the strange, tangled feeling in his chest grow to hear you speak like that. He let his legs fall apart slightly and patted his thigh. Time for the reminder that always made you fall apart beneath his fingertips.

“C’mere,” he said, voice quiet enough that he wasn’t even sure that you’d heard him. But you did as he asked, legs settling on either side of his own so that you were straddling him, the worried part of your expression having melted away to reveal only confusion. Your hands found purchase on his chest and you leaned in to press a kiss to his lips without him asking, which was endearing enough to make Hongjoong smile slightly against your lips. He let his hands rest on your hips, squeezing as he nudged his nose against yours. “So Wooyoung thinks you look pretty today, huh?”

Your eyes widened as you leaned back slightly, searching Hongjoong’s face for any signs that he was just screwing with you but he was as serious as ever.

“You know it’s not anything like that,” you said, lips forming a pout. Hongjoong raised an eyebrow, his hands moving from your hips down to your ass.

“Of course I know,” he said, thumbs hooking beneath your pants and tugging down slightly. “I know that I’m the only one who gets to do this, right?”

He punctuated the sentence with a slap to your ass that was only just hard enough to make you jolt in surprise, lips parting as you inhaled sharply. The action was sudden enough to make you squirm slightly, pushing back into his touch in an attempt to get comfortable again. Hongjoong couldn’t help but smile at the sight, his grip on you tightening.

“All good?” he asked, a small pause to check that you weren’t uncomfortable - all you did was squirm in his lap again in response.

“Yes,” you said, hands moving from his chest to his neck as you leaned in to kiss him again, a little firmer this time. Hongjoong let his fingers push below the waistband of your pants and underwear, cold enough against your warm skin to make you gasp, lips brushing against Hongjoong’s as you did so.

“I’m the only one who makes you gasp like that too,” he murmured, removing one hand from beneath your pants to hold your jaw in a grip that wasn’t quite bruising but wasn’t gentle in the slightest. “The only one who gets to kiss you too.”

You gave a slight nod in confirmation, allowing him to pull you into another kiss. It was messier this time, his teeth pressing into your bottom lip hard enough to make you whine, hips shifting forward on his lap. Your lips were feverish against his and although Hongjoong would have loved nothing more than to kiss you until they were aching and raw there was still work to be done, not to mention the tent in his pants.

“You know what else only I get to do?” Hongjoong asked, lips still touching yours as he spoke.

“Tell me,” you whispered, letting out a long sigh as he slid his hands up beneath your shirt, pushing the fabric upward to reveal the expanse of your stomach and the bottom of your bra. All it took was a raise of his eyebrows for you to lift your arms, letting him remove the shirt and then your bra as well, fingers trailing over your chest slowly before stopping at your waist and squeezing tight.

“I’m the only one who gets to see you like this,” he said, a small smile playing on his lips as he reached up and squeezed your breasts. His thumbs pressed against your nipples and his smile turned into a grin when your breath hitched. “All of these pretty parts of you that Wooyoung will never get to see, hm?”

You nodded, arching into his touch as he squeezed your nipples between his knuckles. The touch was brief though, a slap echoing throughout the room as Hongjoong brought his hand down against the left side of your chest hard enough to make you cry out.

“Take your clothes off for me,” he said, voice firm with the same leaderly tone that made him so good at his job. He slapped the right side of your chest, making tears of shock well up in your eyes. Hongjoong leaned back into the sofa, surrounded by an air of nonchalance even with his dick half-hard in his underwear.

His eyes stayed fixed on your face even as you undressed, only tilting his head when you paused at your underwear, embarrassed by the idea of undressing completely in his studio. You hadn’t even locked the door when you came inside. But you pulled them down all the same, glancing back at Hongjoong to find him chewing on his bottom lip, which was the only real evidence that he was worked up at all. He hummed once you were seated in his lap again, fingers digging into your thighs as though he were inspecting them while he finally took the time to rake his eyes over your body. When his eyes met yours again, he was smiling.

“I’m the only one who gets to fuck you too,” he said. It was the most obvious statement out of them all and yet it still made your hips cant upward, pressing your crotch into his. You could feel the warmth of his erection even through his clothes and it would be a lie to say that the feeling didn’t make you wet. Hongjoong moved his hand so that it was resting between your legs, his fingertips pressing into your clit before he slid his fingers between your folds so that you were both aware of just how wet you were.

“Hongjoong,” you mumbled, a complaint rising in your throat about how slow he was being only for him to push two fingers into you. You gasped at the sudden intrusion, pushing your hips down into his hand in an attempt to feel more of him. It worked, your cheeks heating up at how easily his fingers bent to press against the spot that always made your knees weak, but it also came at a cost.

“Greedy,” Hongjoong reprimanded, his free hand abandoning your thigh to take a hold of your neck. He squeezed with practised ease, cutting off your blood flow as he began to thrust his fingers into you at a pace too fast to keep up with. “I’m the only one who knows this much about you too, isn’t it? Nobody else knows how to make you pass out like this or how to make you cum like this.”

His thumb pressed harder into the side of your neck just as he bent his fingers again, proving his point as you shuddered on his lap, a broken moan escaping your lips. Your thighs squeezed around his when his thumb brushed against your clit, a dull burn gathering between your legs as a third finger pushed into you. Your hips pushed down again and finally he released his hold on your neck, allowing you to inhale as deeply as your lungs would allow you, soft whimpers leaving you now that your voice wasn’t restricted.

“Fuck me,” you pleaded, greedy just like Hongjoong had said. When he only gave you a smile of mock-pity you whined. “Please, Hongjoong.”

And who was Hongjoong to turn you down when you sounded so pretty just for him?

“Condom,” he said, bending his fingers once more before pulling them out of you. He smiled as you got out of his lap, going about positioning yourself on the sofa while he searched his drawers for a condom, dick throbbing at the wet sound of you fucking yourself with your fingers while you waited. The sight he was met with when he turned around, condom in one hand while the other occupied itself with his zipper, made him groan out loud.

“What?” you said from your spot on the sofa, legs spread and two fingers buried deep inside of you as you looked Hongjoong in the eye, not embarrassed in the slightest. “Come on baby, don’t tell me you’re all bark no bite.”

Hongjoong stumbled on his way to lock the door - probably a result of multitasking the undoing of his jeans as he did so - and almost knocked his knee against the sofa as he let the condom land on your stomach, finally busying both hands with his jeans. He let out a groan once his underwear was off too, the head of his dick flushed a pretty red and slick with precum. He grit his teeth as he stroked himself, precum smearing over his fingers and his length as he did so.

“You know what else only I get to do?” he asked, looking at you to find you already tearing open the condom packet, gesturing for him to come closer.

“Everything,” you murmured, helping him to roll the condom over his length. “You get to do everything Hongjoong, I’m all yours.”

Hongjoong smirked at that admission, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips as he pushed into you. You both broke the kiss at the feeling, gasping into each other’s mouths as Hongjoong began to grind himself forward into you, hips moving with an ease that proved he knew how to make you fall apart beneath him with barely any effort at all. He kissed you again, tongue licking into your mouth hungrily and teeth biting down on your bottom lip so hard that you cried out, stunned tears blurring your vision. Hongjoong pushed his hips forward even though he was nestled as deep inside of you as he could get, doing nothing more than grinding into that spot that had your cunt dripping around him.

“Please,” you whispered, chasing his lips for another kiss. That was all the confirmation Hongjoong needed.

He took his time pulling out before pushing back into you with enough force to knock the air out of your lungs, your hands scrambling to find purchase on his shoulders as he set a brutal pace. The pace of his hips gave you no chance to catch your breath, each thrust of his cock inside of you sending jolts of pleasure up your spine, your entire body struggling to keep up with the onslaught. A long moan left your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut.

“What’s wrong?” Hongjoong asked. You felt the words more than heard them, his breath ghosting over your jaw as he pressed kisses there. Before you could shake your head to inform him that nothing was wrong his hands grabbed onto your waist, blunt nails digging into your skin as he pulled you into his thrusts. “Don’t tell me that you’re all bark and no bite dollface.”

“Fuck,” you whined, arching your back in an attempt to get closer to him as though he wasn’t already fucking you hard enough that your mind had turned to a puddle. With each of his thrusts you could hear yourself getting louder, your efforts to stay quiet becoming even more futile when Hongjoong pulled back from your jaw to look at you, your eyes opening to meet his. His hand moved, settling between your legs so that his thumb could rub circles into your clit as he fucked you. His rhythm was messy but it didn’t matter when he was looking at you like he could eat you alive, tongue caught between his teeth and lips pulled into a wide grin.

“Y’know Wooyoungie was right,” he mused. “You did look pretty earlier.”

“Don’t - fuck - don’t talk about Wooyoung when your dick is inside of me,” you whimpered, your voice embarrassingly unsteady. Hongjoong didn’t seem to mind though, rubbing his thumb against you at an angle that made your hips stutter, warmth building in your stomach. Hongjoong wasn’t oblivious to the way your walls clenched around him at the feeling, the lewd sound of skin on skin filling the room accompanied only by Hongjoong’s laboured breaths and your near constant moans.

“But he’ll never get to see you-” he paused his words, thrusting hard enough into you to make you see stars, hands shaking as your grip on Hongjoong tightened. “-when you’re gorgeous like this.”

“I wanna cum,” you whimpered, your thighs trembling as you tried to lift your hips to meet his thrusts better. Hongjoong’s smile returned, only half-mocking you this time. The other half was so loving that it made your cheeks heat up beyond how feverish they already were.

“Go on,” Hongjoong hummed, keeping up his pace even though it was growing sloppier with each thrust. “Cum for me.”

All it took was another thrust to push you over the edge, your body shaking as you came. Hongjoong’s name fell from your lips like a mantra, the feeling of his dick and fingers working you through your orgasm until it all became too much, your clit pulsing as the pleasure turned into overstimulation.

“Fuck,” you managed to get out once Hongjoong lifted his hand from between your legs.

“Only I get to see how pretty you look when you’re like this,” he murmured, his hips stuttering as his bruising pace turned you into a sniffling, whining mess. He grinned at the sight, holding your jaw and leaning in to kiss you. His moans were swallowed by your mouth as he came, hips grinding forward deep into you the same way he’d done when he first pushed into you. You both shuddered at the feeling, your hands shaky as they cupped his cheeks. When he broke the kiss it was to smile at you, making no move to pull out.

“You get that all out of your system?” you asked, laughing breathlessly when he blushed.

“I think so,” he murmured, nosing at your cheek gently. “I didn’t go overboard did I?”

“I would’ve told you if you had,” you reassured him, running your fingers through his hair. He leaned into the feeling like a cat, making you snort. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he murmured, pressing one last kiss to your temple.

☆⌒

taglist: @lovely-ateez @sunsethw4 @seonghwanotes @xirenex @choiberry @peanutpmingib @sannierio @ateezinmymind @demonmatz

#ateez x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #ateez smut #kim hongjoong smut #ateez fanfic #kim hongjoong fanfic #ateez fic #kim hongjoong fic #ateez imagines #kim hongjoong imagines

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highlordofkrypton · 5 months ago

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I love these types of questions and discussions! Thank you for bringing it up 😊 I'll try to stay on topic because I have a lot of thoughts about this, and feel free to disagree. I'm sorry, this got kind of long, but I really enjoy critical discussions about media!!

IN TERMS OF THE PODCAST & PLAGARISM

Two major thoughts jumped to mind.

The podcast scratches the surface of plagarism vs. inspiration; I think that the meaning between copying is a bit muddled at the beginning, and that should definitely be clarified. Towards the end, they do switch to using inspiration instead of copying, which I think worked a lot better to get their points across.

I feel like there's a clear bias towards SJM's work in the video, which is fine, but for me, if I'm watching a video discussing plagarism and comparing other books, I think it's important to personally research the other books to provide new insight or more depth to the discussion. It's a good starting point in collecting information, especially for those who are new to BookTok / the fandoms, but as someone who has heard echoes of this here and there, I definitely was hoping for something new.

While inspiration plays a big role in all artists' lives, whether consciously and subconsciously, I think the question needs to be asked: is it plagarism when copying different elements from various sources?

I have no problem with similar stories if the characters are different, but if the story becomes some kind of frankenstein's monster of miscellaneous elements that haven't really been blended into a seamless world, I think that's almost worse than plagarism because it's almost making an effort to disrespect multiple other works.

I don't even know if it's worth comparing anything to SJM's works in terms of plagarism; is it plagarism when the work you're comparing it to is accused of plagarism itself?

To me, inspiration implies that the artist is starting with a base idea, then adding their personal flair, twist, style, flavour or whatever you want to call it onto the idea. Not direct insertion of x idea and leaving as is. In short, if we are talking about how to be inspired by other words, I think Yarros is a lot less obvious than SJM (re: her use of mythology).

The context of publishing is important.

I think the podcast also forgets how heavily the traditional publishing industry has shifted towards trope marketing, which means that more of the same is being sold because that's what is in demand. As long as the sales for romantasy with dark-haired 'morally gray' love interests brings in the cash, more of the same will be published.

To this point, I think it's almost obvious when something is genuinely fresh and new. After reading many books, you kind of feel it in your gut. I remember starting A Fate Inked In Blood and I was so annoyed because it fell into the same romantasy trap of starting with a strong female who loses her agency or ties her worth to a male character.

So, I don't think it's a plagarism issue. It's a trope marketing issue, and the market demand. Money speaks.

Now, I don't have a problem with tropes. I love tropes, the difference is it's starting to feel like either publishers or readers cannot tell the difference between a similar trope and a re-skinned story. (I have no better term for stories who have had the details changed but are ultimately the same.)

IN TERMS OF SJM vs. YARROS

I ended up DNF'ing both series, so I'll keep it to what I do know of both authors. I do want to emphasize that I really enjoyed the first books of both.

ACOTAR has better chemistry between the main cast, and does a better job of setting up the emotional investment in Tamlin (and subsequently, the switch to Rhysand is a lot more devastating/divisive to the readers). In comparison, Fourth Wing almost casts Dain aside immediately as Xaden features prominently in the first book.

Fourth Wing has better worldbuilding in the sense that there's more added to this world. ACOTAR is contained in its characters and locations, which plays up to the character dynamics (smaller cast, less exposition needed, more focused) but I think it works against it because the world doesn't feel fleshed out. SJM also has a bad habit of not naming anything.

The Xaden vs. Rhysand debate is subjective in my opinion, it depens if you're interested in a linear character vs. someone who's development keeps fluctuating not for the sake of the story. Xaden is misunderstood by the rest of the cast, but once he reveals himself, it's pretty straightforward from there. ACOTAR has such a small cast that you need to rely on Rhysand saying he's a good guy that does bad things, etc, which for me, takes away from the character. I also think that the build up for the 'morality reveal' is much shorter for Rhysand who is already a 'good guy' by ACOMAF. I felt like I was robbed when it came to end of ACOTAR Rhysand vs. ACOMAF Rhysand.

On your point of being overfocused on their love interests, I feel like both Rhysand and Xaden are guilty of this, just at different points. Rhysand being overfocused on Feyre is why I DNF'd the ACOTAR series.

Both authors for their first books are really great storytellers. The most important quality of storytelling is getting the reader to turn the page which is what happened to me for both books. So, kudos to them for that.

I do think that their writing is accessible, which makes it easier for a wider audience to read and enjoy. I also feel like even if the themes are similar, both books are different enough that there's space on the market for both of them. I think Yarros did something with the addition of Tairn, Adarna and the psychic link with Xaden and Sgaeyl.

Oh, they are also both equally problematic in their usage of BIPOCs. It genuinely feels like both of them made Rhysand and Xaden darker-skinned to make them feel more exotic, but this is another issue entirely and I feel like this is more of a personal opinion.

Both also can use more editing to be more succinct in their storytelling, especially as the books go on. Like heavy on the emphasis that more editing feedback needs to be applied.

Overall, I don't see a plagarism issue between these two authors, but I do think more conversations need to be had in the more popular spheres of booktok, bookstagram and fandom about how these authors are impacting, adding or taking away from book culture.

Sorry again for the ramble and I think I forgot the question 🫣

youtube

What do you think about this?

I personally think that Sarah J. Maas if you like her or not, is a stronger author in terms of pacing, character development, interesting characters and the chemistry between her protagonists and their friends. Nesta for an example is her most complex character in the entire ACOTAR-Series. Everything Yarros couldn’t do for me.

Yarros strength lies more in epic battles, but she really needs to structure them better. But some scenes, especially in the first book are to some degree good structured, that you can at least imagine what’s going on.

One thing both books have in common is the black haired male protagonist, which I will say I like Rhysand more, he feels more like a person with a tragic past, who has fought for his city and people. He and Feyre have incredible chemistry since the first scene they met. Violet and Xaden have none of that in my opinion. Xaden feels more like a Wish-Form of Rhys and is more one dimensional. Yeah he has a tragic past and a city and revolution he could fought for, but he is, especially in the second book overfocused on Violet. Which was by the way where whiny and annoying and also couldn’t think of anything else other than Xaden. It’s a shame that Hiccup from httyd gets compared to her, he is complex, has an amazing development and has a motive for everything he does. The only thing were I really cared about Violet, was with her friends and family. But always gets sidelined very fast. God, I shipped her more with Dain than her actual love interest. 😂

#i hope no one takes offence at this #these are just some of my thoughts that jumped out at me #tagging just in case #anti sjm #acotar critical #sjm critical #anti rebecca yarros #anti yarros #writing discussion

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merakiui · 4 years ago

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I was wondering I read the Xiao x a sucidal reader and I was wondering if you could do a imagine for that if this is too much please don’t and stay safe drink water and eat and please enjoy your day ^^

Lantern Rite Wishes

xiao x (gender neutral) reader cw: suicide, depression, angst note - somehow the imagine became longer than intended (・・；)

He was just going to get some fresh air and then he’d come right back inside. There was absolutely no way he was looking for you because it was a beautiful night and the lanterns lit up the sky like pieces of sweet, wondrous dreams—

Xiao shakes his head to dispel such thoughts as he steps out into the open, surveying just how empty Wangshu Inn has become. Everyone who isn’t obligated to work is down at the festival, spending time with friends or taking in the sights as a couple. He was going to watch from the balcony, where he’d be alone and unbothered by the usual hustle and bustle of Wangshu. All those plans seemingly evaporate the moment he notices your figure balancing on the ledge, one foot extended outwards.

He’s not sure what overcomes him when he rushes forward, seizing your arm and roughly pulling you backwards. A yelp escapes your dry throat. Just moments prior you were teetering on the edge, teary-eyed and wondering if anyone would miss you. Now you’re falling into someone’s chest as they wrap their arms around your trembling frame in a bone-crushing hug. Your stomach drops when you finally hit the floor, the wooden boards creaking under the combined weight of two people.

For a moment, you struggle to escape Xiao’s hold, but he remains unyielding. It’s during your hiccuping sobs that you finally hear him.

“Why?”

It’s the only word Xiao can utter. Over and over in a confused, pained loop. The thought of watching you fall to your death hurts him, and even though he can’t fully grasp the reasoning behind that feeling he knows it must be a result of your suicide attempt.

“I...don’t know.” Words weigh heavy in your mouth, and your tongue trips over itself in an attempt to explain yourself. But you truly can’t. Why did you do that just now? Were you actually going to jump? “I’m just tired.”

Tired. A word that holds so much meaning. Tired of work. Tired of mundane schedules. Tired of the disconnection between positivity and depression. Tired of life. It’s all so exhausting and the only solution would be to die. That must be it, right?

“You don’t know?” Xiao’s still holding onto you when he mutters that question, his expression clouded in grief and anger. “Why not? You’re a mortal! You should value your life a little because you won’t get another.”

The harshness to his tone startles you and it prompts more tears. Under the lights of thousands of lanterns, the scene should bring happiness and peace. But you’re just sad and tired and absolutely fed up with life.

“I’m sorry, Xiao. I didn’t—“

“Don’t apologize.” His grip loosens slightly and it’s as if his own composure follows. “Just...don’t do it again. If you’re not going to value your life, I’ll value it instead. So don’t do stupid things you’ll regret.”

It wounds your resolve to hear him refer to impulsive desires as stupid and foolish, but it also warms your heart to hear him say he’ll value your life. And you can’t bring yourself to argue. Had you jumped and avoided his outstretched arm, you wouldn’t have had any time to regret the action. Would Xiao have saved you even as you were falling? You’d like to think he would, but even miraculous fantasies remain within one’s mind. And in this reality a dozen alternate scenarios could’ve happened. For instance, Xiao could’ve avoided the balcony and you would be dead.

Your fingers dig into his backside as you finally return his hug. “I’m just tired. I didn’t know what else to do...” A heavy sigh escapes you in that tense moment. “I wish I didn’t feel so lost.”

Xiao realizes he’s been holding you for quite some time and he pulls away in a barely composed fluster, his cheeks reddening ever so slightly. In an effort to change the direction of the conversation, he latches onto the thought of wishes. “Well... I was going to watch the lanterns from here, but then I saw you. I guess we could go see the festival together—if it’ll cheer you up, that is.”

You look at him in mild shock, not having expected him to take the initiative to invite you. “Oh...”

“But you’re probably still scared after what just happened. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Mortals and fear...”

Your breathy laugh startles him. He’s always referring to you as a mortal, as if that’s all you are in his eyes. Although you’re still shaken after your attempt, you feel a little safer knowing he’s with you. And while you may just be another mortal, the fact that he saved you must count for something. Xiao can go on and on about how useless mortals are, but to step in when one was about to commit suicide—perhaps he does have a heart.

“I should thank you for doing that. For stopping me before I could actually do it, I mean.” Your heart hammers in your chest as you prepare to spill your emotional guts in front of the adeptus. “Truthfully, I haven’t been well in a long while. And I don’t think I’ll get better anytime soon, but...I want to forget about tonight. So maybe seeing the festival with you will chase a few bad thoughts away...”

Xiao’s staring. He realizes he should blink and actually say something, but the words won’t form. You’ve always been an honest person, but he’s taken by surprise at how quickly you agree to see the festival. It’s an ideal distraction, isn’t it? All sorts of negativity muddles his brain and he wonders why you’d want to see the festival with him. He’s not exactly a cheery person and you’re not mentally well either. For some reason, he feels compelled to weasel out of this situation—to deflect and avoid it before he freely allows himself to experience this pathetic thing humans call ‘fun.’

“Actually, I think making a lantern would be nice. I could write so many wishes on it. It might even make me feel better, too!” You’d like to think that a simple lantern wish will solve all of the murky depression in your life, but it’s just wishful thinking. “And you can make one with me! We’ll write our own wishes.”

“I guess...”

“Come on. It’ll be fun.” You stand on unsteady legs—legs that would’ve broke once they made contact with the ground—and offer your hand. “You can’t get out of this one, Xiao. I’m going to drag you there whether you like it or not.”

He deadpans as he begins to regret his own decisions. But his hand still finds yours and he allows you to pull him up from the floor. Your smile might not shine as brightly as it did before, but it’s still a step in the right direction. And you’re a resilient person; you’re bound to bounce back after this. It just takes time and patience to heal—two things he can easily spare for your sake.

Xiao won’t make any wishes for himself. Rather than selfishly wishing to erase centuries of karmic debt, he’ll scrawl something unlikely on the surface of his lantern. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he’d let you fall, and so he hopes that his wish will come true.

And when your lanterns join the others in the inky sky, Xiao feels relieved to have you by his side, your warm hand gripping his and an infectious smile pulling your lips upward. Your life has so much meaning. It’s just a little foggy and you can’t see it, but Xiao will shine a light through that dark fog to help you reclaim that meaning. In due time, you will find happiness and he’ll be there to guide you to it on a bumpy path.

Without realizing it, his love for you blossoms and it’s a quiet flower shrouded in its own darkness.

No matter what happens, give (Name) the happiness they deserve. That’s all I’ll wish for.

#tw: suicide #tw: depression #tw: angst #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact xiao #xiao x reader #genshin impact xiao x reader #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact fanfic #xiao #all of this xiao writing #is fueling my desire to write modern au xiao

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meruz · 4 years ago

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once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous)

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL.

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close.

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

#ask #trying this new thing where i tag people in the body of the post instead

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