#if you need me im going to be sobbing in the corner as I rewrite and plan the new chapters

[annestie]

guess who just lost entire chapters and plans of Ma' Yawntu and Outcasted and What Do You Mean Betrothed? I have no idea how but my laptop just never uploaded it and so when I went offline, it deleted itself

[icarushasfallenfromthestars]

That dream angst fuckin wrecked my heart..any chance for a part 2 with comfort(im not the og requester so if not thats fine its just OUGH my heart)

So both you and the og requester asked for a part 2, which means I'm definitely gonna do it! (I'd do it even if the og didn't ask so lmao) I HAD TO REWRITE THIS 12 GOD DAMN TIMES BECAUSE TUMBLR IS SHIT AT SAVING THINGS

I'm honestly so glad people enjoy my writings! Feel free to request more! My inbox is open and I have no requests lined up yet!

Once again. This is a completely fictitious story and version of Clay.

TW: Panic attacks, self deprecating thoughts,

Part one

Found (Outside The Screen) (Dream x GN! Reader) Part 2

"(Y/n)!"

His voice echoed through the house as you scrambled around corners to escape the possible wrath of your boyfriend. Or maybe even soon to be ex boyfriend.

Despite living in this house with him for a little over two years, it was beginning to feel like a maze. You couldn't tell which way was left and which way was right, your head spinning with panic as you gasped for breath.

He's gonna find you...

The house wasn't even that big, and quite an open concept, so you had no idea why you were finding it so confusing. All you knew at the moment was...

Get out.

Once your eyes landed on the door that lead out, you made a beeline towards it and flung it open. Maybe you should've known better than to attempt to run from the manhunt god...

The footsteps pounding against the floor not too far behind you startled you enough to jump outside and slam the door behind you in hopes of giving yourself enough time to run farther.

There were plenty of things failing to register in your mind as you ran down the empty sidewalks. Such as the poor choice (or lack) of shoes you were wearing, or even the heavy night rain pelting down on your shaking body.

Your lungs were burning.. But your brain had thrown itself so far into fight or flight mode that you had no care for anything around you, hardly blinking twice as the signs of unfamiliar street names flew past you.

Eventually, when you physically couldn't breathe any longer, you sat on a bench and took awhile to think. The consistent rain pelting down on your head was actually a decent grounder to help you snap yourself out of it... But that only caused more confusion and another wave of panic to wash over you.

Where... were you?

Doesn't matter. Don't go back.

Oh God... He hates you..

Why wouldn't he..?

He was too embarrassed to show you to his chat!

What did you do that was so embarrassing?

God.. What was so wrong with you that he stayed in his streaming room for days on end!?

Pulling your knees up to your chest, you choked back a few sobs, trying your best to keep what was left of your composure. Very quickly, however, you gave up on trying to hold yourself together and broke down, hiding your face in your knees.

Time seemed to pass by way too quickly but also way too slowly at the same time.. Like time itself was giving you the one finger salute. When you finally stopped crying, you leaned back against the back of the bench and gave a shaky sigh before you decided to attempt to think rationally again.

You had no clue where you were. Nothing looked familiar. What time is it? No clue, you don't have your... Your phone!

You quickly scrambled to your pocket to pull out the cellular device, and stared at the black screen for a few seconds. Anxiety was the reason for your hesitance as you stared into your reflection, frowning slightly. Without thinking twice, you pressed the button and the screen lit up with various arrays of colours.

78 Missed calls from Clay💚

2 Missed calls from George👓🇬🇧

7 Missed calls from Sapnap🔥

Was... He so mad that his friends were trying to yell at you too? You tilted your head slightly and scrolled through the other notifications on your lockscreen.

Twitter seemed to be losing their minds over your boyfriend's stream and wondering who the stranger was. Seeing the headlines flooded you with immeasurable guilt and you almost put your phone down again, if your phone didn't start buzzing.

You glanced down at the screen and say Clay was making call number 79... Man, he was persistent.. and he would probably continue to call until you answered...

Your finger hovered over the decline button, before slowly moving over and landing on the green one instead. "...Hello...?"

"(Y/n)...?" Had... He been crying...? "Oh my god! You're alive!" He gasped out with glee before giving a few sobs of... relief...?

"...You... Aren't... Mad?" You whispered very softly and hesitantly, your voice scratchy and sore from crying.

He sighed and there was a little bit of shuffling as well as a few male voices in the background. "No. Not in the slightest... Where are you? I want to apologize in person.. And when it doesn't sound like you're in a hurricane.."

You lifted your head up to look at the rain that was continuing to pelt down on you before looking around. "..I'm not sure.." You heard your partner echo your statement in question form as you looked for street signs through the rain. Glancing back at your phone, you saw the screen light up again, this time it was a warning label.

Your battery was almost dead...

"C-Clay.. My phone is going to die.." You murmured softly, your heart filling with dread as you turned down your brightness and closed any unnecessary apps.

There was a little bit of clattering and shuffling on the line as Clay hurriedly walked from the windows to the door, trying to see you from the home. "G-give me landmarks! Hurry!" He practically begged as you shot up from your bench, ignoring the burning soreness in your legs.

Spinning around quickly, you began listing off a few company buildings you saw, trying to shout over the rain and a few cars driving by. "Yeah-yeah! There's also that little sushi place beside the restaurant too.."

You heard the furious typing of his computer before another almost sob of relief. "You're on Rosewood Avenue... How the hell did you run that far? Okay, you're going to walk in the opposite direction of the sushi place until you reach a road called Miller Road, got that?" He waited for a verbal noise of agreement before continuing, "Once you get there, turn left and keep walking straight until you get to a steakhouse. I'll meet you half way, if you don't see me there, don't move unless you have to. Got it?" He asked firmly, with a small hint of desperation in his tone.

You rubbed your face as you mentally repeated the directions to yourself. "Yeah.. Yeah.. I got it." You began to walk along the sidewalks, your shoulders beginning to tremble from the water induced shivers trailing up and down your spine.

"..(Y/n)?"

"Yeah?"

"I lov-"

Your phone died..

Pulling the device away from your head, you pressed the buttons a few times before groaning and shoving it into your pockets as you began to walk.

Your mind was blurry but also hyper aware along the walk to the road where Clay told you to go. 'What was he going to say? If... He doesn't hate me... was he going to say- No.. no. He hadn't said that line in over a few months now.. No reason why he would say it now..' You mentally scolded yourself.

The rain didn't seem to be too keen on letting up as you walked through large rippling puddles. Your clothes were soaked, your hair completely drenched and you were pretty sure you were gonna need to buy a new phone with how much your current one was getting waterlogged..

You rose your arm to shield your face from the onslaught of water that a car had caused by driving through a large puddle before running your hand down your face.

Part of you was still a bit.. angry... at Clay... He had ignored you for so long and wanted nothing to do with you.. Then suddenly you spill hot coffee on yourself and then boom, you have the man more focused than when he has a good speed run seed. What about all those times you were begging him to come to bed, or at least eat dinner at the table with you? Did you only matter when you were in pain?

Biting your lip, you shook off the thought as you looked up again to see the steakhouse that you were directed to go to, the signs glowingly and people shuffling in and out through the doors...

Then there was another man, standing under a large black umbrella wearing a damp lime green hoodie...

Only you'd recognize that face anywhere where others wouldn't.. Standing in the street lights perfectly was your boyfriend, Clay.

Your heart trembled but also melted slightly upon seeing that he wasn't paying attention to his screen anymore. You. He was focused on finding you...

As you began to walk closer, you saw him lift his head and stare at you for a few seconds before dropping the umbrella and lunge forward to wrap you in a loving embrace. "I'm sorry.." Was the first thing he whispered, his voice almost as hoarse as yours. "I know.. that a simple apology will never excuse what I put you through... You cared for me, and even after a stupidly ignored you... You still didn't leave, or get angry. I don't deserve you, I know that, and you have every right to be upset, angry or whatever you're feeling right now.. Please, it doesn't matter how long it takes... Just let me make it up to you and let me prove myself worthy of your love again.."

Your lips parted in surprise as you stared at him, the streetlight poorly capturing his normal beauty, but still doing it well enough that you felt your heart soar. "Clay..." Your eyes traced his features, his puffy and reddened eyes and his cheeks stained with tear tracks, "You have a lot to work and make up for... I'm not going to forgive you immediately, but I'm not going to leave you.. We can work things out.. Together, okay?"

He eagerly nodded and gently held your face in his hands before pressing a light kiss to your forehead. "I'll break away from video editing and streaming for a while.. So I can focus on repairing things with you.."

You buried your face into the male's sweater, that was beginning to become soaked as well from the rain and you, and closed your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him.

"(Y/n)?"

"Mm..?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Clay."

[descendantofthesparrow]

Shuffle Playlist - Rewrite - Part of Your World - Part 8 - Fights and Sisters

=

Mal lifted her foot into the air as she leaned to her right to get the perfect curve of Evie's hair, biting her lip in concentration as she listened to the calming sounds of a spray-paint can fill the room. she clicked her heel as she leaned back onto the box she was standing on and nodded to herself, the mural for her friends was almost done, the last thing she had to do was add detail and she would be done.

“At least I don’t see myself with horns and a pitchfork” Mal spun around with a gasp, holding up her can defensively as she looked onto the sheepish Ben who stood before her.

He waited for her to lower the can, but Mal didn’t budge, keeping her finger on the spray mechanic. “Mal-“ Ben took a step forward, stopping as Mal shook the can threateningly, her eyes staring into Bens with a warning to back off.

“How’d you get here” Mal whispered, she had thought it would take just a bit longer for her friends to get here, she wasn’t ready to face them again.

“I- Mal I’m so sorry about the fight, it was all my fault” Mal shook her head defiantly, no, it wasn’t Ben's fault, not completely, it was hers too.

“How.did.you.get.here” Mal stressed, shaking the can again as if it was a weapon.

“The limo, Jay drove us-“ us. That meant Evie was here, Carlos too, god she hoped Cruella and EQ didn’t know they were here.

“Of course,” she muttered, chucking her can to the floor, seeing Ben flinch out of the corner of her eye, but she ignored it, kicking her old makeshift stool over and growling.

They were her family, why did she think they would take a week to come get her, of course it would only be hours before they found her.  But she just needed to escape for a bit, she didn’t want to stay on the isle, not after she crossed the barrier again, but once inside there was no way out, not without the remote.

She was happy that they came to get her because that meant they cared enough to do so, but she wasn’t ready to go back to the craziness of Auradon just yet.

“Mal” Ben started again, attempting to walk up to her but stopping as she held up her hands. “please come home” he held out his class ring, the one Mal hadn't taken off since his coronation.

She stared at him for a moment, trying to figure how to word what she wanted to say ‘(y/n) did always say I had a habit of saying things the wrong way’ she scoffed at herself, shaking her head. “Ben….I-“ she shook her hands in frustration “im-not gah!” Ben blinked in surprise as she suddenly yelled and shook her head and arms “words! Ben!” he jumped as she yelled out his name, she calmed herself with a deep breath "I am home….you’ve said before that home is where you feel like you can be yourself well”

she held her arms out, gesturing to the hideout “this is it; this is where I feel most comfortable, in leather, with purple hair, with my knife in my sleeve, baring my teeth when someone looks at me funny, swearing to my heart's content because fuck it!” she let her arms go limp and felt them smack against her thighs. She sniffed, feeling her nose burn “Ben, I love Auradon, I love the skies, I love the food, I love the school but….but it's just-”

she lifted her hands up again, her frustration showing in her face and hands as they clenched “I couldn’t even blink without someone in my face asking me about my mother!!” Ben glanced to his left, seeing a large tank with the tiny black and purple dragon sitting on a mini cloth couch, small puffs of green smoke exiting through its muzzle, her toxic green eyes locked onto his form.

 “ or bugging me about me being the lady of the fucking court!! Ben, I don’t know what you expected from me but HOW did you expect me to be able to just flip a switch and turn into this perfect pink princess who always smiles and-“

“I never asked you to change!” Ben yelled, finally shutting Mal up “I didn’t want you to become a perfect Auradon girl Mal! I wanted you! I wanted the girl that told Chad fuck off, I wanted the girl that was adorably possessive of her strawberries, I wanted the girl that growled at people when they stepped to close to Evie or Carlos, I wanted the girl that fought Jay for six hours about the logics of lightsabers, I wanted the girl that jumped off the dorm building because Carlos dared her, I wanted the girl that chewed on her hair because it smelled like grape juice!” Ben panted, giving a small smile to Mal as she stared at him in shock “I wanted you Mal, I didn’t want you to change.”

Mal was silent for a few moments, eyes drifted from Bens once more outstretched hand to his eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to keep calm. “Then why didn’t you say anything” she muttered in a wavering voice. Ben's heart dropped, his body slumping as he looked into Mals watering eyes. “Not once did you ask ‘Hey what happened to my hair’ ‘hey, why that dress’ ‘hey, what happened to your leather’. Not once did you ever SAY you liked my purple hair better, or my leather clothes, or anything like that, you just stood by and smiled, because you are always in this happy glitter world where everything is good. 

Well, it's not Ben! I was stressed out of my mind about everything. I could hardly eat because I was always reading those damn etiquette books, I was up every night till four am studying because I was so tired from learning fucking which spoon to use for soup that I couldn’t keep up my grades anymore, I failed art class did you know that?! no! because you didn’t ask!” Mal panted as she tried to catch her breath, Ben shook his head and stomped his food slightly.

“I shouldn’t need to ask! You should tell me about this kinda stuff I’m your boyfriend! I’m not psychic Mal! I don’t know what's going on in your brain, that’s not my job!!” Mal shook her hands in frustration, her headache returning as her eyes glowed slightly.

“that is-GAH! I’m not saying it's your job! Do you think I know what's going in my fucked-up brain Ben?! It’s a fucking labyrinth that I only just started to navigate! I’m fucked up Ben! And I’m sorry if you can't handle it because I can't either! I’m trying to be better but if you don’t help then I’m never GOING to be better! And before you say anything, I don’t mean help me be the perfect Auradon girl I mean help to be a better me!”

She harshly patted her chest to accentuate her words “call me out on my bullshit, call me out when I say the wrong thing, call me out when I hurt your feelings! I've needed help since I turned against my mother, I don’t know what I’m doing Ben, I needed someone to guide me to be a better person yet all I've gotten is (y/n) being the only person in the universe to notice that I’m imploding!” Mal covered her face with her hands and sighed “Ben, you make me so happy, but-but….you don’t notice anything about me, not really”

Ben tilted his head in confusion, shrugging as he did so “what the hell does that mean? I always pay attention to you!”

“Not really” Mal sobbed, making Ben stop…Mal never cried “Ben I’m was so fucking confused and stressed about…everything, and not one time did you ask ‘are you okay’, and-and I know I lied to you about using my magic but-what harm did it do? I didn’t spell you to think I was perfect, or anybody else! Just items to help myself because I’m not a superhuman who can do everything at once with no-fault! So what I used a speed-reading spell, or a blonde hair spell, or a food spell?! I understand why you are mad about it, because yes! I lied to you about what I was doing and how I was doing it, but even if I never told you, would you have found out?!” Ben sighed, holding his hands up.

“let me calm down, I don’t want this to turn into a screaming match, because if it does (y/n)’s gonna come up here and hurt us” Mal let out a breath like laugh, taking a step back and hugging herself.

After a few moments of silence, Ben finally spoke again “I’m sorry Mal” she looked up at him, a single tear trailing down her cheek “you’re right, I should have noticed you weren’t okay, because….it is my job as your boyfriend to take care of you, and I didn’t do that…I had the same problem with Audrey, sometimes she would come back from her grandparents place a wreck, but put up a front to not worry me, and while everyone else noticed, I just looked away as if her problems didn’t exist. I did the same to you, I’m sorry…” Ben looked down at the floor, playing with his fingers nervously. Mal sighed, stepping closer to Ben and rubbing his arm. “I’m sorry too, if I had asked for help months ago all this would have never happened.” Ben looked back up at Mal, holding out the ring.

“Please come back with us” Mal stared at the ring, slowly reaching out to grab it, smiling as she felt the cool metal of the ring. Then she shook her head, placing it back in his hand.

“…we don’t work right now Ben” Ben gaped at her, trying to speak but she held up her hand “listen to me, we don’t work right now, I’m too mentally closed off, and most of the time can’t look past my own nose. I-I need to fix myself before I can be with you in a way that’s not…toxic. Because that’s what this is, it's toxic, we don’t communicate at all and never look past the surface of each other…I need to take myself out of the picture because its what's best for you and myself…if we kept going like we are now it's only going to hurt us in the end…I’m sorry” she closed Bens fingers around the ring and pushed it back towards him. “But I can't do this right now”

“But I love you” Ben whispered, making Mal stop as she turned to the wall “Don’t you love me?”

She was silent for a few moments before she looked back at Ben. “I know that I’m always happy when I see you or even think of you. I know I love my friends; I love Auradon, and I love the idea of us together but….I don’t know if I’m in love with you Ben, I know I love you but….I’m not sure I’m in love yet…I’m sorry”

She turned and walked back to the mural of her friends, sighing as Ben tried to follow her, she turned, shaking her head “Ben you should go…Tell them that I’ll be ready to come back to Auradon in a week okay?” she looked back to the wall, closing her eyes as once again Ben stepped closer “Ben please go, please leave” she stared into Ben’s sad eyes, feeling another tear drop down her cheek and off her jaw.

Ben slowly nodded, stumbling back towards the stairs and leaving the hideout. Mal let out a low sob, leaning against the wall and covering her mouth.

‘This was the right thing to do’ she reminded herself, breaking up with Ben was the best thing for both of them. At least until she got ahold of her own mind.

=

You looked up as Ben finally descended the stairs again, Mal, like in the movie, not behind him. Evie perked up, walking over to him and looking up towards the hideout “So…Where’s Mal?” Ben shook his head dejected.

“She's not coming back.” Ben muttered, pushing past Evie and Carlos and walking down the alley to get some alone time. You narrowed your eyes, should you follow him? There could be a chance that Uma wouldn’t send anyone to kidnap him…without Harry, you didn’t even know if Uma had a crew, let alone the lost revenge, since Harry's old wharf rats from before were Uma’s crew. You shared a look with Gil and made to start following Ben, but noticed he was already out of your sight.

“How does a scrawny boi like that move so fast?” you muttered, smiling a bit as Gil shrugged and turned back towards the other vks.

“GO AWAY” the makeshift comm system was closed off, leaving Evie staring at the speaker with sad eyes.

You turned back to the alley, seeing a tall figure beginning to walk toward you…that wasn’t Harry, you knew that…who was it then? “guys” you interrupted Jay and Evie's conversation, they turned to you with wide-eyes and raised brows “Ben’s gone”

Evie rushed to your side and called out for Ben “Ben?” no response, but the tall figure continued to move closer “Ben?!” once more no response, but Evie seemed to think the figure was Ben, which you knew it wasn’t….but it also wasn't Harry. Evie sighed in relief and placed her hands on her hips “Ben don’t scare us like that!”

“don’t scare you?!” a teen stepped out of the shadows, his fiery red hair stark against the grunge of the isle walls “but that takes all the fun outta it!”

Yeah, you immediately hated him, you glared at the teen, watching carefully as a monkey chatted away on his shoulder…Jack…that must mean…

Who knew Barbossa could have such a distasteful son?

“Davy” Gil growled, clenching his fists and taking a threatening step towards the smaller teen. Davy glanced at him, his eyes widening for a moment as he looked at Gil's now even larger form.

“What did you do with Ben?!” Jay yelled, Davy pursed his lips in thought before he “miraculously” remembered what had happened only moments before. He turned and pointed down the alley, grinning as Jay grit his teeth at him.

“Oh um, we took him, yeah, and if you want to see him again, have Mal come to the chip shop tonight” he looked at Evie, Carlos, and Jay  “Alone” he turned to you, a flirty grin spreading across his face. “Well well, hello beauti-AHHH” as he reached out with his left hand to grab your hand, you grabbed his finger and pushed it back till you heard it crack.

“touch me again and it's your neck next” you growled, smirking as Davy whimpered in pain. Gil let out a laugh, giving a little wave to Davy as he looked at him with wide eyes.

“you should know Davy” Gil snickered “if your names not Harry Hook, you don’t touch (y/n) without a few bones being broken~” Davy paled at the way Gil said it so cheerfully, looking back up at you and squeaking as you gave him a sharp grin, almost reminiscent of Harrys.

Your other hand drew to your waist and you un-did Harry’s hook from your belt and held the pointy end up to Davy's neck “and I don’t mind spilling some blood~” you released Davy's hand and he scrambled back, giving the five of you a scared look before bolting down the alley.

“he’s gonna lie and say he scared us half to death, isn’t he?” you muttered, slipping the hook back on your belt and crossing your arms.

“yep, that’s what he does” Gil sighed, watching as Jay started to climb up the side of the stairs to go tell Mal about Ben.

=

Smee cursed himself for being old and slow, he had finally made it to Harriet's ship after thirty minutes of walking, and she wasn’t here! His oldest son, Sammy, didn’t know where she was either, only that CJ had told her something and she had left as soon as she was done with work.

His younger sons, the twins, walked up to him and made him sit down, noticing his heavy breathing from overexerting himself “dad please just sit for a while, I’m sure Harriet will be back soon” Smee slowly nodded. But he didn’t want to wait, Harrys freedom and life were at stake.

“my boy, please go out and look for her, I need to speak with her as soon as possible, it's urgent” Sammy furrowed his brows but nodded, turning to the crew and putting Xiaohui, Shan Yu’s daughter, in charge. The girl nodded, turning to the crew and barking orders.

“I'll be back soon dad, Skipper-Sterling, stay with him okay” the twins nodded and turned back to their father mostly distracting him from his worries as they told him about their day.

Smee smiled but the thought of Harry rested in the back of his mind. Oh, how he hoped there was enough time to save him before one of James ‘clients’ decided to take their ‘payment’

=

“This wouldn't have happened if you didn’t bring him along, what were you thinking?!” Mal yelled, leaning on the wall next to her as she glared at her friends.

You and Gil sat on the couch, watching as the four vks as they argued. “He was going to come with or without us we were just trying to protect him!” Evie reasoned, Carlos shook his head and looked to Evie.

“yeah, and great job we did there huh?!” Evie opened her mouth to argue with Carlos when Jay held his hands up and spoke over them.

“OKAY!...okay” you all turned to Jay “what do we do now?” Mal huffed and stepped down from the archway she was under.

“We” she gestured to the other vks and you “Are not doing anything, this is between Uma and me, and Uma’s a punk, and guess what! Now I have to go fix your mistake!” she grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder, gritting her teeth as Carlos stopped her again. “Hey hey, you’re still gonna have to go through whatever crew Uma’s got” Jay nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, you’re gonna need us” Mal shrugged.

“Uma said to come alone” Evie sighed and stepped forward.

“Mal come on” she just gave Evie a look and Carlos sighed.

“Uma said to come alone…I don’t know about you guys but I’m not going anywhere” he flopped down on the couch between you and Gil. Mal sighed, looking at her friends. “I know you didn’t mean to get Ben kidnapped” she muttered, finally calming down from her earlier frustration “but that was the stupidest thing any of you have ever done…” Mal glanced at you, sighing “ (y/n), Harry said he’d be at his apartment and Jay could take you there, see you guys later” Mal left the hideout with that. you jumped up and beamed at Jay, who sighed and nodded, gesturing towards the stairs.

“I’m coming with you” Gil muttered, standing up from the couch and following after you and Jay “never bad to have extra muscle” Jay nodded at that and followed you down the stairs, laughing a bit as you skipped some three at a time.

“come on!” you yelled up at them, passing Mal and jumping off the last flight bouncing on your heels as you waited for them

“We’re coming!” Jay yelled, he and Mal making it to the bottom at the same time. “come on” Gil caught up a moment later and you followed Jay down the alley as Mal headed towards the wharf.

“don’t do anything stupid Mal” you called back, smirking as she lifted her arm up and gave you the middle finger.

“Okay, so” Jay stared, keeping a brisk pace as he leads you to Harry's apartment “Harry's place is about ten minutes to and from here, so let's get a move on” you and Gil nodded, easily keeping up with Jay as he took several turns and backways towards Harry's apartment.

=

Mal took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment to hype herself up. She couldn't afford any mistakes; Bens life was on the line. She pushed open the doors, smirking as the whole restaurant went silent. She dropped it as she made eye contact with Uma “Looser party of one” Uma droned, gesturing to a free table with two seats around it “Right this way please”

Mal rolled her eyes, walking over to her, stopping and catching the chair that Uma slid towards her. Uma chuckled and rose her brow in challenge. Mal twisted the chair around and sat backward on it, setting her arms on the backrest and sighing. She glanced around, eyeing the rest of the pirates that were resting her then finally looking at Uma, whose dark-now almost black- eyes were glaring into hers.

Mal was silent for a moment, contemplating her words as Uma stared into her soul. Mal smirked, leaning on her palm as she attempting to look as if she wasn’t there on business “How's life~?”

Uma chuckled, tilting her head “Oh pretty good, ya know, considering the food shortage and contaminated water” Mal felt her eye twitch at that. How could she have forgotten all the bad stuff on the isle?

Why did she ever ask her friends if they ever wanted to be back on the isle? Of course Evie and Carlos wouldn’t want to come back this place sucked. Mal forced herself to roll her eyes and lean back on her chair a bit “Where is he” Uma ripped off her apron and let it flop on the floor, giving Mal another smirk.

“you know I’ve dreamed of this?” she laughed again, walking over to another table and leaning on it “You wanting something from me, and me watching you squirm like a worm on a hook~” Mal rolled her eyes again.

“I’m flattered, but I’m done trash-talking, where’s Ben” Uma furrowed her brows, Mal was usually the one to keep talking until the sun went down, it was odd for her to get straight to the point. But she shrugged it off and took a seat across from Mal.

“here's the deal” Mal raised her brow.

“there's always a deal with sea witches” Mal muttered, smirking as Uma gave her a look. Uma lifted her arm on the table, her elbow resting on the surface as her hand arched into the air.

“If you win, Bens free to go!” Mal stared at her for a moment, really? An arm-wrestling match?...she should have brought (y/n), Uma had always been a bit physically stronger than her. “Hmm?” Uma taunted, smiling as Mal finally hiked her arm on the table and started to line up their hands. Uma pulled back for a moment, pouting at Mal “Don’t you want to know what I get if I win?”

Mal stopped…then nodded, letting her hand lay flat on the table. Uma blinked in surprise, Mal never waited to hear the other end, always assuming she would win so she never bothered to learn what the other person wanted. She brushed it off, her teasing smirk slipping into a sharp grin. “If I win…you get me the wand” Mal took a sharp breath, cursing herself as Uma chuckled at it.

Mal closed her eyes and nodded, lifting her hand again to start the match “Fine, If I win; you give me Ben, If you win; I get the wand and bring it to you” Uma smiled, clasping her hand with Mal’s and nodding.

“On three” Uma ordered, Mal sighed and rolled her eyes, starting the countdown.

“One”

“Two~”

“three!” Mal pushed her hand to the left, gritting her teeth slightly as she felt heavy resistance from Uma’s side. Uma let out a small chuckle, smiling at Mal as she started to taunt her.

“You know, that whole princess act. Ugh.” She rolled her eyes, a sharp grin growing on her face “Never bought it for a second. You can stick a tiara on your head but you’re still a villain” Mal smirked, wow she actually thought that was an insult~ how cute.

“Thank you~” Mal purred, enjoying the look of confusion in Uma’s eyes. She jerked her arm heavily to the left, turning the match more to her side, Uma grunted in exertion. Mal hummed to herself, maybe she was stronger than the last time she had “fought” Uma. “and you can slap a pirate hat on and call yourself captain; but you can’t even hold out for your ‘boys’?”

Uma’s eyes flashed and a weight settled in her chest. “I mean come on” Mal cackled, feeling her headache return as her eyes glowed “it's only been five months~ you really gave up on them so quickly?” Uma’s hand was inches away from the table, her teeth gritting in exertion as her mind ran a thousand miles a minute. “How would Harry feel if he knew you already replaced him with Davy?”

Uma looked back up at Mal, glaring at the purple-haired fae “when you see them” she growled, her eyes flashing turquoise “tell them they're dead to me” Mal gasped, what?! No! that wasn’t how Uma was supposed to react!! In her moment of confusion, Uma took the chance of Mal’s now loose grip and slammed her hand down on the other side.

Uma stood from her seat and yelled in victory, pumping her hands in the air as the pirates around them cheered. Uma slammed her hands on the table, smirking as she stared at Mal's shocked and defeated form “Now, if you want beasty boy back” Mal raised her brow at the nickname she thought only (y/n) and Harry called Ben “Bring me fairy godmothers wand. To my ship tomorrow at the wharf docks next to the old garage near the pair at twelve noon.” She stood straight and flipped her hair back “Sharp, got it?”  Mal finally looked away from her hand to Uma, glaring at the sea witch.

Uma cackled turning and walking back towards the kitchens when she stopped, turning back to Mal and smiling at her “Oh and if you blab? You can kiss your baby goodbye~” she blew a kiss to Mal and walked off.

Mal sat at the table for a moment, before rushing to stand and get back to the hideout. If Uma told her to go tell Harry he was dead to her, that meant Harry had never talked to Uma.

And they had gotten to the isle at six pm, it was now almost nine pm. Something was wrong.

=

You huffed a bit as you climbed the rickety metal stairs up towards Harry's apartment. Jay stopped In front of a black door with silver and red spray paint all over it. Harry's name scratched into the door. “Here it is” Jay muttered, opening the unlocked door and stepping inside. “ Harry?!” Jay yelled, furrowing his brows as no response followed.

“Harry!?” you yelled, pushing past Jay and stepping into the apartment, your chest tightening as you heard nothing back. Mal said he would be here, why wasn’t he here! “Harry!?” you ran towards the back end of the apartment, going through the red curtain door and looking around.

All you saw was an old queen-sized bed with red and black sheets, a painted red dresser in the corner, a cracked wall mirror, and some clothes thrown about the floor. “He’s not in his room!” you called, stepping further into the room and glancing about, you saw a connected room showing rusty bathroom, pretty nicely kept but unused for a while.

“It looks like he hasn't even touched the kitchen” Gil yelled back, you heard some doors slam closed and Gil walking around the main area.

“…” you pressed your lips together, walking back out of his room and into the living room/entrance area “do you think he went to talk to his sisters? Or Uma” Gil shook his head.

“No, if he talked to Uma, she wouldn’t have sent someone after Ben…or Harry would have been the one to take Ben” Gil sighed, holding his hands on his hips and shaking his head “It hardly looks like he even stepped foot in here” he muttered, glancing at the dark brown couch to his left and the old TV to his right.

“But someone has obviously been in here” Jay pointed out, gesturing to booted footprints on the floorboards “Not Harry but someone else” Gil crouched down, trailing his fingers on the print.

“…CJ’s” Gil confirmed, standing and whipping his hands on his pants “those are CJ’s footprints” you and Jay looked at him with wide eyes.

“How do you know?” Jay asked, rubbing the back of his head as he stared at the footprints. Gil shrugged.

“Dad taught me how to tell people apart just from their boot size and stride length, this is CJ’s, see how they don’t show the full boot and they aren’t far apart? She skips as she walks so she wouldn’t touch the ground completely or take full strides” you let out a low whistle.

“Impressive….and those are?” you pointed at another set of much bigger prints that were opposite of CJs. Gil took one look and beamed.

“Harry’s! so Harry was here! But probably not for long if nothing else here is touched” you sighed in relief, so Harry was at his apartment like he said he would be…but if he wasn’t here, and he wasn't at the chip shop…where was he?

“Okay, so…how do we find out where he is?” Gil shrugged, crossing his arms.

“Best bet? Harriet or CJ’s place, he probably hasn’t talked to Uma yet considering she sent Davy to do her dirty work” Gil shivered at the mention of the red-haired “pirate”

“Then we go to Harriet or CJ’s place” you decided, turning to exit the apartment,  only to be stopped by a cutlass blade at your throat "oh... it's you" the girl in front of you growled. Your shoulders dropped in realization as you looked upon the girl's face. Dark curly hair, bright ocean blue eyes lined with black eyeshadow, red coat, hook earrings, and a hook patch on her sleeve

"Harriet?" you whispered "Harriet Hook?" The girl, Harriet, raised her sculpted brow and tilted her head "that would be me, and you are the Auradon brat that stole my brother" you shook your head "we can talk about that later, Harry’s not here and he hasn't talked to Uma" Harriet's eyes widened and the sword drew away from your neck "what? But CJ said he went to talk to Uma two hours ago” you and Harriet stared at each other, horror blooming on your faces as Jay and Gil looked at each other with wide eyes as they came to the same realization you and Harriet did.

"Harry’s missing”

-end of part 8-

and there we go~ Ben and Mal have officially broken up! hopefully that fight made sense and didn't sound like a therapist was talking through either of them lol. also ive decided to fix the timeline of D2 a bit since its just all over the place (it starts on Thursday, when Ben and Mal go on their picnic date, and cotillion is said to be three days from that point (for me that means Thursday (1) Friday (2), Saturday (3rd day/cotillion day)) Mal goes to the isle on Thursday, Uma and Mal arm wrestle on Thursday night/early Friday morning, and the wand for ben fight happens noon the day after the arm wrestle( which is friday i think?) and then suddenly cotillion is the same night as the wand fight? even though its really only been a day and a half) so now im my timeline, the first quarter of d1 happens ALLL on Thursday, up until Carlos n Jay head back to Auradon for the phoney wand, then the big fight happens on Friday, then cotillion on Saturday to give Evie time to fix up Mals cotillion dress

also dont blame Uma for saying Harry n Gil are dead to her, she don't know they love her with all their heart and are still her boys 

anyway permtaglist

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @random-thoughts-003​

@remembered-license​ @rintheemolion​

@verboetoperee​ @imtryingthisout​ @thecaptainsgingersnap​

taglist

@thesailbells​ @beccad10x​

[beanst0ck]

Hey there! I was wondering if I could request a YouTube! or Famous! AU with Kuroo? He is one of the two and is dating either a nonfamous or less famous s/o, but Kuroo is constantly shipped with another well known person and they’re starting to get insecure about not being enough for him? You can choose whether or not their relationship is public or if they will go public, if the other celeb reciprocates, etc. I’ve seen a lot of cheater!Kuroo fics and it’s making me sad ;-; -🥧anon (1/2)

i almost shipped him with kenma lMAO-

im so sorry this took so long, i had the draft ready to be posted in my notes but it deleted and i got really uninspired to rewrite it :(

it’s angsty at the beginning but it gets fluffy at the end dw 😌

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: kuroo x reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1k

𝐃𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞?

You hugged your pillow closer to your chest, trying to think up of ways to ignore the icky feelings swelling up in your chest. No matter how many times you try and block out the laughter coming from down the hallway, all you could think about was how happy Kuroo seemed.

Kuroo was currently collaborating with another female youtuber, one that goes by the name ‘Amiex’. She quickly rose to fame and was now currently the talk of social media thanks to all the collaboration videos she’s done with other popular creators. You’ve actually had the chance to meet her once and she acknowledged your relationship with Kuroo. You know she wasn’t trying to take him from you, but that didn’t stop the nasty thoughts flooding your head.

The constant shipping from their fans weren’t helping either. You couldn’t blame them much though, Kuroo prefered to keep his private life away from social media as much as possible. Most of it was because he knew you weren’t comfortable having so many eyes on you. But no matter how many times Kuroo denied having any romantic feelings for Amiex, the fans would turn a blind eye to it. Compared to her you were just a normal person, average. You had no idea why Kuroo took an interest in someone like you.

You even felt that Kuroo was distancing himself from you to spend more time on his YouTube career and Ami but you didn’t have the guts to say anything. You felt you didn’t have the right to— who were you to tell him to stop doing something he loved? You wanted to support him, even if it hurt to see him slowly drift away from you.

Not noticing Kuroo watching you from the doorway you let a few tears slip past your closed eyes and quickly bury your face in the pillow you held, hoping that you’d be able to muffle the sobs that would soon start to come out of your mouth. Kuroo quickly walked over to you upon seeing you try and hide your tears.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n) what’s wrong!” Kuroo rushed over to your side and began gently shaking you, the panic evident in his trembling voice.

Your grip around the pillow tightened. You didn’t want Kuroo to see you like this, crying over some stupid assumption you made. Kuroo stopped shaking you and began trying to take away your pillow. You let out muffled complaints, trying to resist his pulling. Eventually Kuroo realizes that you’re not going to give up hiding your face so he stops pulling. He sighs and rubs your arm, “ (Y/n), what’s wrong? Please tell me..”

Slowly you began to sit up and leaned against the headrest of your shared bed, still not letting go of the pillow. No matter how many times Kuroo has seen you cry, you hated doing it in front of him. You felt as if you were putting pressure on him to comfort you when in reality Kuroo would do anything to make you happier— no hesitation. Kuroo sat there with you in silence, waiting for you to calm down your sniffles so you could speak. As much as he hated hearing your sad sniffles, he wanted you to take your time.

You spoke into the pillow, hoping Kuroo would somehow manage to hear you. Sadly all he heard was muffled gibberish. He scooted closer to you, “I can’t hear you kitten, could you please put the pillow down?”

You nodded, slowly removing the pillow from your face. You rubbed your eyes, trying to get the remaining tears out of the way.

“Do you still love me?”

Once those words fell from your mouth Kuroo’s eyes widened in disbelief. You were crying because you thought he didn’t love you anymore? Kuroo felt his eyes begin to water slightly once your words fully settled in his mind and he immediately pulled you towards him, embracing you in a tight hug. What hurt him a little more was when you didn’t hug him back.

“Of course I do! Why would you think that?!” Kuroo immediately regretted the way he said it once he saw you flinch at the tone of his voice. He didn’t mean for his tone to sound angry, but it just came out that way.

“I don’t know! You’ve just.. it feels like you keep ignoring me!” tears began to slide down your cheeks, “all your time is spent recording videos with Ami and I know she’s just a friend but! You seem a lot more happier when you’re working with her! I can’t help but think that you don’t love me anymore, I’m sorry...”

The room was silent after your explanation. You started crying again, but unlike last time you were now full on bawling your eyes out. “I know I probably sound so stupid right now because you tell me everyday how much I mean to you, but-“

“Of course I still love you..”

You try and calm your crying, trying to understand what Kuroo just said. “H-huh?”

“I’m so sorry, I’m the reason you’re crying,” He pulled away from the embrace and you see a few tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, “I love you and only you, (Y/n). I’ll tell it to you as many times as I need to for you to believe it. I’m so sorry for making you feel this way, you don’t deserve it.” He pulled you into another embrace and this time, you returned it.

Later that night you told Kuroo you didn’t mind if he told his fans about you. Kuroo made sure that you were one hundred percent sure you were fine with it and when you told him you were, he posted the news on twitter. Many of his fans apologized for pushing the ship too far and they congratulated you two some even wanted you to record videos with him and Ami while others were sad their ship would not come true.

That night Kuroo spent all of his time making sure you knew just how much you meant to him.

𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐦𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[cupidssrosses]

i. love. ship. playlists.

so, i know for a FACT that im not the only one that uses songs to picture scenarios with a pairing i really love. like, sometimes im so set on the idea of a ship that i have to rewrite the entire show in my brain, rework it so that they end up together logically. songs are always so good to visualise too. harringrove is the BEST for this, because the show itself uses scenes set to 80s music all the time. 

anywho, this is a really longwided way of saying hey heres my harringrove playlist enjoy :)

this song has always been made for a scene where tension has to slowly build.

so, instead of the scene with billy and neil happening at the end of the season when theres much more world-end-y  things to deal with, it happens earlier. 

the  scene happens, billy goes to find max and ends up finding steve and the kids in that junkyard. 

“am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

(really rushed) “yeah its me dont cream your pants what the FUCK are you doing here hargrove you have to leave right now”

billy won’t shut the fuck up so steve has to cover his mouth and try to push him into the bus. then we hear a demidog, steve gives up on billy and gets ready to fight, quietly hands billy a broken pole or something just in case. 

the song starts from 0:00 right when billy sees the demidog, the camera pans in on his face, just so confused and scared, processing what hes seeing. then he joins the fight, he and steve back to back protecting the kids. this leads to billy being part of the gang, at least in some respects. hes strong as fuck and now they have to fill him in on the circumstances now so hes around more often to help. he wants to protect max, but also be near/protect steve. 

so ! during subsequent fights/situations, billy and steve get a little closer, damn they’re not in love but hey they’re getting more comfortable and theres deeeefinitely some mutal attraction, the energy from those shower and basketball scenes hasn’t gone away. if steves the mother figure billys the dad. 

on the “i need a hero” (BAM) part that leads into the chorus, billy saves steve with some kind of big action you know? RIGHT on the beat i swear i get chills every time i picture it to this song. like he pushes something off of him or pull him out of the way really suddenly after running reaaaallly fast to get to him. right after it cuts to steve looking all suprised and impressed while billy keeps fighting. 

same applies to the part that goes “watched out here i COME” in the second song, except its steve saving billy. 

since two thousand and fucking 17 ive seen this song as billys image of steve. it always sounded like his thoughts about him. 

this is one of the first moments billy realises he might really REALLY like steve. hes not just horny he might actually love this moron. at around 2:07 when all the instrumental goes away and its mainly the drums, thats when it happens. 

hes picking steve up from somewhere. theyve been spending more time together as buddies. he apologised for being a dick, theyve had some more serious conversations. hes taking him to hang out with the kids, maybe he just needed a ride home from school or work. anyway, its golden hour. hes waiting to see him and hes weirdly nervous, more than he ever was waiting to pick up a date with one of the hawkins girls.

and then he sees steve walk out onto the street, or come around the corner.

his heart STOPS. steve just looks so beautiful. the light hitting his hair. he smiles at someone he knows as the walk by. billys just HIT with hoe much he loves this stupid moron and his stupid fucking smile.

steves looking around for the car and looks so. happy. when he sees billy, billy smiles back. its been a while since hes smiled that genuinely. 

billy really really part of gang now. this might be sometime after the final events of season 2 i think?? billys saved them all, had a lot of experiences, hes built up some trust with the group and it feels normal that hes there. hes part of the family, and thats what this songs about. 

it night time, theyre at steves house, all the kids, nancy, jonathen, etc. some are swimming, everyones dancing, things feel a little more okay. 

at around 1:54, (again im a sucker for stripping away most of the instrumental and relying on a few key sounds, including loud drums) billy looks around. he has for one of the first times in a while this sense of FAMILY and ACCEPTANCE and SAFETY.

theres all these shots of everyone having fun, like 2 or 3 cuts, then to steve. just standing there laughing, hairs all wet from the pool, towel around his shoulders. he looks over, catches billys eye, gives him a smile, it feels like he knows what hes thinking, and he feels the same way. 

same night, during the part build up that starts at around 2:53, everyones trying to get billy to dance, hes been smoking on one of the pool chairs, not antisocial just not dancing. not his thing. plus he doesnt want to look like an idiot infront of steve. anyway. 

one of the kids starts it, starts gesturing for him to get up, pointedly singing the lyrics, the rest join in unti theyre all singing and chanting for him to join, all while the song builds and builds. finally steve joins in. maintains eye contact. thats enough for billy. he just keeps his eyes on steve as he stands up. its more like theyre dancing together, less like the kids are there. right at the end of that bridge he just lets go. takes of his jacket and dances around with everyone. he doesnt look stupid either. he looks good. and steve notices 

this is a small one, i dont even have a story to it. all i know is that comparisons between the scene that accompanies this song in top gun and the basket ball scene in st2 have been made, and itd be a super fun, corny scene :)

starts at the very begining. this song has ALWAYS felt so magical and me. i get chills every god damn time i hear the intro. i want their first kiss to be to the intro. 

its after the last fight of season three. someone else was flayed, someone we dont love. obviously billy survives. in FACT, he was along for the ride with robin and steve, all the shenanigens with the russians, billy was tied up and drugged too. BOTH he and robin admit their sexualities. 

billy still sacrafices himself to save the kids from the monster, he says something cute like “see ya round pretty boy” or some corny shit like that before he goes to run and save el, theres a moment when steve knows what hes about to do, theyre staring at eachother and theeeerse the electricity steve knows so much about. theyre really about to kiss, staring at eachothers mouths, but the monster makes a noise and billy knows its now or never, so he runs off. 

steve tries to save him but gets nocked out. he goes unconcious thinking billys going to or is already dead. 

it cuts to the end scene when theyre all in the car park. steves got an icepack to his face, hes obviously been sobbing. 

but he heres a voice. 

(clearly overjoyed and kind of smug) “am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

he looks up. its billy. we get a nice long run-jump-hug. steves in billys arms before he can even finish his sentence:

(nearly crying but SO excited) “yeah its me dont cream your pa-”

NOW. OKAY SO. i love love love they idea of billy steve and robin going home with murray, or at least showing up at his place. maybe billy cant stand the thought of going home, hell maybe neil was the one that got flayed and died idk. anyway.

nancy and jonathen are like, we know a place if people dont want to go home, and they go murrays place. when they show up at the door murray KNOWS. hes like “ffs two more people who have repressed feelings for eachother what am i a therapist. but he lets them in and they have a similar conversation that murray had with nancy and jonathen/joyce and hopper. poking fun at how much they like eachother etc. 

billy and steve have a really intimate talk. not sexaul intimate, just really open. theyre both so tiered, steve thought billy was dead, billy had to say goodbye to steve, who he KNOWS hes in love with by now, thinking he was about to die. they both KNOW how the feel about eachother now, but they havent said it explicitly. just lots of “i really thought id lost you”, “your my best friend”, “i cant believe youd do that for me” etc etc. 

they decide to go to bed, billy walks steve to his room, the one nancy stayed in when she and jonathen got together, theyre standing at the door. just staring at eachother like they were during that fight sequence. the energies back. billy really thinks he might go for it, but decides he doesnt want to ruin things if steve doesnt really feel the same way. he doesnt even know if he likes guys yet. so he just says “night steve” (steve, get it, not harrington, cause theyre close now and he loves him and those defensive barriers are down ahhhh). 

just as he turns to leave, steve does this:

this exact thing. he grabs billys arm, leans down and kisses him. he thought he lost his chance once, he nearly died like a million times in the past 48 hours. he cant stop himself. 

RIGHT HERE is when the intro to jump kicks in. FUck that synth, the rumbling note that runs through the whole thing. time. stops. its perfect. billys wanted this for so long, so has steve but in the grand tradition of fanfiction he didnt know it until he nearly lost billy for good. 

their arms are all over eachother, just as the rest of the instruments come in, at like 0:15, they both smile into the kiss and shut the door behind them, and it cuts away :). 

theyre finally together!!! theyre in the happy, honeymoon stage of realtionship. god theyre just fucking every. chance. they. get. i think this is a new season. it’s a montage of them hooking up all over hawkins. 

in the back of the video store, robin covering for them. in the car, outside school, steves house. someone walks in and billy has to hang out of the window. he makes a noise and steves like “thats probably just a bird or something” and billy MAKES A BIRD NOISE TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. 

when steve helps him back inside he just stares a him with that “youre a moron but your my moron now” face. “~mimics the sound billy made~ really?” and then billy just laughs and goes back to hooking up with him. 

theyre just HAPPY. theyre comfortble, theyre stupid idiots whod die for eachother and horny as fuck allllll the time, like young guys are. i just want a really lighthearted, NOT INNOCENT, but lighthearted tone to a whole montage of them just being happy and stupid together. 

aaaaand we’re bassically at the end of the storyline i have for them based on music. these three i just like the thought of. i want steve do dance super shamelessly in his bedroom in a towel, not in a sexy way dont get me wrong he looks DUmb, and billys at his door window just admiring this stupid idiot dancing around. i cant believe im in love with this man this graceless lanky man i had to choose this one. but ill be damned if i wouldnt give my fucken life for him

and finally trust me go listen to any scorpions song its bassicaly a harrington anthem. it all started with rock you like a hurricain for me, i saw steve look at him, i saw billy and listened to the lyrics and just thought theres no god damned way this man is straight whats the bet hes into steve and then BAM same season hes just so obviously flirting with him constantly i-

anyway okay so

this song, like many other scorpion songs is allll about billy and steve in my opion. go have fun. 

PlayerEntity made this gif not me all credit to them i just wanted to include it cause its my favorite edit of them ever. 

and thats all!!! if youre seeing this and you thought it was cool thanks i had fun. i really just wanted to get this shit out of my brain its been up there since i was a fuckn 14 year old, now im 18 lol. 

i love these men more than myself and sometimes i forget that theyre not acutally together in show cause i live so completely through fanfiction and the sequence of events you just read. 

fuck why am i signing out like you just watched a youtube video or something i should just post this okay by now xxxxx

[spnfanficpond]

January Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations. If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

And we’d like to make a special shout out and say thank you to Ana and Kenzi for your total of 15 Angel Fish Nominations this month! The two of you together nominated 14 authors and the kind of passion for reading and reciprocating your feedback is exactly what we love to see. Thank you both for sharing so much love this month! 

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JANUARY’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @sorenmarie87

The Pact (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

Jen’s fics are always so well written and detailed to a point where it feels like it could actually happen.  Not to mention her characterization is on point.  This fic in particular is different from what I’ve read before and everyone should give it a chance. 

Nominated by @littlegreenplasticsoldier

How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington

I’m nominating this fic, which (fair disclosure) I beta’d becuase it does a really really really really great job of fulfilling the brief it set out to achieve: making you cry.

It’s a story of unrequited love between Dean and the reader and it’s doomed, from the outset.  Kate unpacks nearly every angle and moment and hold them up for you as they burn away, right in from of your eyes.  Ruby-level patience.  Nice at brutal.

So if you like your angst and tears, have at it friends.  Cheers, Ali.

(TW for major character death.)

Nominated by @rosieakacanadianspnhunter

Thunder Rolls by @amanda-teaches 

I'm not afraid of thunder, but I definitely felt the fear. I'd totally pretend to be if it meant Dean would distract me this way! I loved the addition of Dean telling the reader what his own biggest fear is! Hot!

Nominated by @percywinchester27

The First Bite  (oneshot) by @shy-violet-soul

Firstly, can I just say that I am absolutely in love with their work? The writer is so sure of what they want to say and know exactly how to say it. And that is a rare thing, when no word is unnecessary. I absolutely fell in love with the characterization of young Dean and Sam. And the OCs are enchanting. Don’t remember the last time I fell in love with an OC so quickly! And the husband-wife duo in the fic are simply adorable. The context and background of the story paint a lovely picture. And Dean… damn that boy breaks your heart. All in all would recommend it 100% Go check the author out!

  The Babysitter (series) @mrswhozeewhatsis

I never thought I would ever commit to a 65 chapter series, but damn! this one felt like a couple of pages, and even after it ended, I was running around my room, screaming like a zombie with “MOREEEEEEEEEEEE.” This could have very well been a parallel world in itself. Like another reality that Jack could create a rift to, where the Winchesters are happy. They have this sister/mother/friend figure in their lives who is absolutely awe-inspiring. She is tender, good and badass but oh so realistic with her feelings. I go back and read the timestamps a lot and my fav chapter where they are in the hotel room at the very end and prank the hell out of everyone else. I was in splits the first time and still am. This doesn’t white wash John, but brings out the best in him. JUST. GO. READ IT. You are fucking welcome!

Living With Regrets (series) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

The pain!! OH GOD THE PAIN!! The author can personally attest to how I hounded her over this series in her IMs. The timing of each chapter is so perfect that it just leave you with the right amount of angst and desperation for the next chapter. I wanted to push both the characters together and close the door behind them so they could just fucking TALK!! I am emotional about this okay? Also while I wanted to hug and cuddle the little OC, I wanted to strangle and murder the other one!! This series brought out quite a lot of passion in me, one that I didn’t know I had the capacity of feeling over a fictional work, still does. It is an adorable little world that you all should definitely be a part of! Go…go….go!!

Silk and Rough Velvet (series) by @blacktithe7

SARV was the first long series I attempted to read. Also the first AU. It altered my life. Rockstar!Jensen suddenly became a real thing. Y'all have no clue how much this series had awed me. Even now when I mention the series to a third party, my first reaction is - “You haven’t read it? What are you doing with your life?” It has the perfect amount of love, angst and fluff. Gosh! It is the freaking best! Most days there are no words. Today is one of them!

Series Rewrite (series) @torn-and-frayed

A true masterpiece! I don’t know how do you even begin to attempt something like this. The reader is inserted in the rewrite SO FLAWLESSLY!!! SO EFFORTLESSLY that it is crazy! Like what even??? I mean she has a personality of her own. And as strong a presence as Sam or Dean. More importantly, she does not undermine the relationship of the brothers. Does not take away from their moments, all the while creating her own bonds. I love that she is in love with Dean. But damn, I love what she has with Sam, too. The author manages to perfectly capture the essence of the rewrite in the best way possible. Excellent job!

Fresh Start (series) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

This one is unique in it’s uncomplicatedness (that isn’t a word, but deal with it) Like whoa, the reader is so fucking relatable! I am sure all authors can relate when they make a reader super-strong, super-understanding, super-witty. This one is just super-relatable. And that is the hardest fucking thing to do! The OC is charming AF, and the underlying pain of a dead lover is significant. It is not in your face, it is not too underplayed, but it’s subtle and THERE. Kudos at having achieved the perfect balance of everything. It is rare and awesome! Read this ONE!

Close Every Door (series) by @jotink78

I have never known the sort of pain and angst that this series inflicted on me, I kid you not. I wanted to steamroll everyone,and everybody. If you caught me reading a chapter, there was a good chance that I was either feeling extremely murderous and was sobbing incessantly in the corner. I’ve said it before, despite being one of the kindest people, the author sure knows how to be cruel when it comes to writing. This series is sure to rip your freaking heart part, stomp all over it and out it back. BUT SO WORTH IT!!

More Than You Bargained For (series) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Best bodyguard!AU I have ever read. It was fun and exciting without getting too palpitating, which is good because the chase and suspense were fantastically written. And the twist at the end, you’d never fucking see that coming. I bet!! I love how they slowly fall for each other even through all their differences. This one I couldn’t put down, it was so good. If you are looking for something to curl up with on a cozy and comfortable Saturday, this is your THING!! Don’t forget to curl in with a blanket and hot mug of coffee before you get started!  

Five years of Christmas (oneshot) by @deanssweetheart23

This is a life worth’s contentment packed in a single fic, neatly wrapped and gifted to you. The words have the softness of petals and the harshness of shards of ice that pierce you and then you die! But then come back later. The author doesn’t only make fiction out the words…. she makes poetry. It flows, straight into your heart. Now, you might think I am being cheesy, but read the fic and then come back. We’ll see who is cheesy then! But seriously, y'all need to get behind this. It is the freaking best. I am in love <3

Nominated by @ellen-reincarnated1967

Red String of Fate (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

Sweet, serendipitous, a bit heartbreaking, and an 'Ah ha! Yes!!!' ending!!! Honestly, I'd recommend everything on her masterlist, but I've been saving this one for a rainy day read and was not disappointed!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

What Could Have Been (series) by @flamencodiva

Holy moly, this series is killing me. SO MUCH ANGST, yet there’s sweet stuff mixed in there, too. Every day, I look forward to seeing if there’s a new chapter posted!

The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology

This series was posted before, and Saxxxy edited it and reposted it, and it’s fabulous, now! It’s got an intriguing premise, Sweet and protective Sammy, and super hot Alpha!Sam smut! *shiver* It’s awesome! 

Her Saviours (series) by @bamby0304

This series is giving me a heart attack. There’s John, there’s Sam, there’s Dean, but John’s gone, and Sam’s recovering from Jess’s death, and Dean is sweet but has his wandering eye. It’s ABO, and there’s so much love and heartbreak and hormones that I honestly can’t wait for the next chapter to post!

Wishverse (series) by @crashdevlin

This series is a sequel to another series, A Hard Ten. After what happens in Hard Ten, the reader gets her wish and goes back in time, getting the chance to metaphorically turn left instead of right. It’s got sweetness and smutty smut and angst and everything you could ever want! Seeing how everything plays out is fascinating as hell, and I can’t wait to see where this ends up!

Nominated by @samsexualdeancurious

The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology 

This is a repost of one of the many fabulous fics that were lost when Saxxy’s blog got deleted, so a lot of people have already read it at least once. It hasn’t gotten many notes this time around, though, which is an absolute crime because this fic is just as amazing the second time around as it was the first.

Bitten (series) by @saxxxology 

I am head over heels in love with this fic. It has a perfect blend of angst, fluff, and smut, and I’ve been enjoying every word of it.

Tomorrow (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage 

This fic is so cute! I love Dean so much, especially in this fic. Rhi writes him so well and every word out of his mouth is just so Dean is hurts. Also, I can guarantee most of us have at least felt the way this reader does, which makes this fic even more perfect.

Forbidden (oneshot) by @becs-bunker 

This fic murdered me. I am dead and writing this from my suite in Hell. Crowley says “hi” and that he agrees this fic is perfectly sinful. It’s not a fic for anyone who doesn’t like Wincest or Full House of Wincest, but it’s definitely a fic for me.

Playing Victim (oneshot) by @crispychrissy 

Ugh, yes. Gimme all the Sub!Dean/Dom!Reader. There’s simply not enough of that in this fandom and Chrissy nails it so well. Also, the gif she used? Should be illegal.

Three Kisses (oneshot by) @impala-dreamer  

I was dying by the end of this fic. A little angsty, a lot sexy, and then fucking hilarious. Rebekah writes Sam and Dean so well, especially Dean’s snarky big brother side, and I love it.

Nominated by @manawhaat

Let Me Carry You (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!!! Ugh, this fic hurts so fucking good. It’s soft, it’s brutal, it’s so sad it splits you at the seams and makes a home in the hole it punched in your chest. But most importantly, it gives you hope. There’s an honesty that’s written into this story, into Dean and into the reader, and that kind of love and care in crafting this short fic is all anyone could ask for <3

The Truth about Lust (series?) by @scorpiongirl1

Ho, ho, HOLY SHITBALLS! THE DUB CON! This entire thing rides my borderline of fuck no and fuck yes EXCEPTIONALLY WELL! Unf! The story is believable and the way Sam reacts to what’s happening to him is so on point. The remorse and apologies, the snarly growly creature of sex, the restraint and the care he takes for the reader when he literally is dying of lust...jesus fuck. It’s all so Sam. Read it and then go masturbate because, yeah. I did.

Headlights Off (drabble) by @samsexualdeancurious

Yowza, does this girl know how to write that Wincest! Fun, sexy, adventurous, funny. What can I say? It’s everything you want from a wincest fic. 

Free and Easy Down The Road I Go (oneshot) by @samsexualdeancurious

Wincest? Yes. Impala? Yes. Nipple clamps on a slightly subby Sammy? Fuck yes. Snarky, smug Dean giving a world class hand job? Oh yeah, you betcha. 

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be! :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[writesbatty]

days 14-29

complete with unedited content notes from the facebook group i’m in

29/30

i love to rewrite the classics

to make persephone send hades running

(keep that 'rewriting the story of persephone as a love story’ shit several hundred miles from me, thanks.)

to give echo back her voice

to let arachne weave her tapestries once more

rewrite pride and prejudice so lydia bennet does not marry a rapist

get jane eyre out of her aunt's home sooner rather than later

find ophelia a therapist

remind everyone that tragedy can still have a happy ending

  28/30 content warning: mentions/discussions of sex and consent. this is very vulnerable and im uncomfortable and DOING IT ANYWAY rip

.

.

.

i tell my boyfriend i think we should start scheduling sex

but that this is not some indication of failure in our relationship

i know he worries that my complicated relationship with sex is some reflection of how attractive i find him

(it doesn't help that the past few years seem to have taken my ease of flattery away from me

i don't know when it got so hard to tell the love of my life he looks good in tank tops

and black jeans like the ones he wore when i met him)

but it's not that

it's that i don't think about it, the same way i don't notice i am hungry till i'm starving, don't notice i'm thirsty till my head aches and spins, don't notice i am anxious until i am already in the middle of panic

it's that i was in a relationship where i never thought about the word no, it never occurred to me as an option, and now i end up consumed with pointless worry that i do not really want this

i try to talk to my therapist about these things, but i never really know what to say

how to explain my ex never set out to hurt me and half of it was my fault, but i am still feeling the aftershocks years later

without sounding like i am making excuses

(maybe i am, i don't know, i have always had a hard time with blame, with holding others accountable)

but at the same time i never want to imply what happened was more serious than it was

nothing like a genuine violation, nothing that should label me victim or survivor

nothing like what others have gritted their teeth and fought through

maybe some of it is the meds

it's hard to tell

how much is the meds and how much is the trauma and how much is just me

and why has it been six years and i still can't

-casually tell my boyfriend he has a nice ass

-sit in my boyfriend's lap

-fearlessly messily uninhibitedly make out with my boyfriend

because some paranoid corner of my mind is afraid to say 'no'

(nothing would happen if i said no, because everything would stop happening, it's not fear that makes me question, it's the idea of disappointing someone i love, and that's all on me, not on him)

my boyfriend is an angel with a nice ass

(seriously, i am not overstating this, he has a very nice, round butt)

and when i tell him

i think we should start scheduling sex

he kisses the top of my head

and talks about how bob and linda on bob's burgers schedule sex, and they have like, the best marriage on television, so clearly we're in good company

and pulls me over to the couch to feed me ice cream and scratch my back

  27/30 warning for like. harry potter/jkr 'discourse' or something i guess?

listen, we all should have known jk rowling was going down in flames the moment she made harry james potter a fucking MAGICAL COP at the end of the series

i have a list of problems with the deathly hallows epilogue that is longer than the actual epilogue and this is at least three of them

will somebody cut harry a fucking break?

why on earth would someone punish this abused, traumatized, exhausted person by giving them a career that will repeatedly remind them of every bad thing that has ever happened, which is most things that have happened to harry potter

harry potter should have been the defense against the dark arts instructor

harry potter has intimately seen both sides, every inch of light and dark

and he saw them as a child, he grew in them like a weed in brackish water, an in between neither fresh nor salt

(but he chose good, he always chose good, and it was always a choice, and it wasn't always easy)

let him teach other children to protect themselves

let him eat lunch with neville longbottom so they can discuss their students and make sure no teacher ever treats kids the way snape treated his students

the way snape treated harry and neville

let harry spend his weekends in hogsmeade with friends both old and new remembering only the light spots in the dark days of his schooling

let him know the joy of helping a struggling student

(this is how he will carry on remus lupin's legacy; that and the bar of honeyduke's finest chocolate in his desk)

let harry potter retire and spoil the ever loving shit out of all of his grandchildren

let harry potter put the past behind him

consider the fact that we don't all want to devote our lives

to fighting the demons we met in childhood

  26/30

nightmare at 20,000 feet is the most terrifying episode of the twilight zone

and what an apt title

what an apt metaphor

because what could ever be more nightmare then knowing the worst is just outside the window

but no one else can see it

25/30 this ends like super abruptly but idk how to end it Properly and i need sleep so. shrug emoji.

it's like a bad joke, this harmless word that never stops following me

you know those tasteless reddit posts about trigger warnings? how there's 'no way' someone could be traumatized by something so normal

so small

that's me. i am that joke.

a man at the aquarium calls his young daughter pumpkin and i–

i swallow a wave of nausea

i try to ignore the way my skin begins to crawl

and my heart speeds up

and i can hear the sound of his voice

it's like time travel

it's like a curse

just say 'pumpkin' and i fly back in time and it's like my body does not know that he is dead

that he hasn't called me pumpkin in nearly a decade

you would think it would be the mocking, the insults, that would ring like shots through my echo chamber brain

but

it's that fucking petname

it's 'i'm sorry, pumpkin' in his voice and the look in his eyes as he digs the hole in my chest just a little bit deeper with another fake apology

an apology all for him

when he came to my high school graduation there were rules

-he could not drink

-he could not apologize

-he could not call me pumpkin

24/30

it's funny

this disconnect between the me i know and the me other people know

at home i pace the floor, building up the courage to call for a cab

at work they tell me i am good with people, that i am no nonsense

at home, i twist my hair in my fingers as i struggle to tell my partner of nearly six years i need something to eat

at school they called me confident, self assured

i wonder where this other me is when i need them most

where is this confident and self assured version of me when something actually happens?

when someone is in trouble?

when someone gropes me in the street?

when someone needs them?

when i need them?

23/30

weirdly specific sections i wish i could find at the bookstore:

unconventional sci written by women and queer people

dystopian fiction that ends hopefully

non-ableist romance novels with disabled protagonists written by disabled people

young adult romance novels about lesbians and magic with happy endings

poetry for queer girls who really like artemisia gentileschi's art

collections of personal essays about hospital waiting rooms

college kids from dysfunctional families getting their shit together and falling in love

narratives about found families of misfits

young adult novels about queer romance and theatre kids

the exact novels you needed to read at 15 when you were scared and alone and will still make you cathartically sob while reading in a public park

(this last section is real except it's just the francesca lia block shelves in the young adult section)

how to guides on how to be a person when your body and the world you live in are crumbling to pieces rapidly

advice on how to make your best friends move out of state to be closer to you

novels where the protagonist goes through hell but they come out the other side and are still an essentially good and optimistic person despite their trauma because the world is a terrifying place and we need fiction and narrative to remind us of the potential for hope

22/30

edit: i just word vomit typed this directly into the comment box and it got weirdly long so Be Aware

elle woods is my personal hero

i'm blonde

'yes sarah'

i'm sure you're thinking

'i know, i have seen you'

but it's more than that, okay? i am blonde on the inside. my heart and soul are blonde. i talk to people and they say 'i can't imagine you not blonde' because the concept of me any other way is absurd

maybe because its the one thing everyone always loved about me. when i was a kid, everyone wanted to play with my hair. i had barbie hair, disney princess hair. long blonde waves like strands of gold.

i grew up telling blonde jokes, so everyone would know i was Smart and Cool. i got teased for being a nerd and a four eyes and for awhile everyone called me 'dictionary' because i knew how to spell zombie. smart was more important to me than cool, but i still told blonde jokes. the blonde swims ninety percent of the way to the other shore, gets tired, and swims all the way back, and god if that isn't a metaphor for my life. god if i haven't spent 25 years fighting not to be the blonde who turned back.

when i almost failed math in my freshman year of high school my father told me i should give up and become a playboy bunny because i didn't have a future. a childhood friend asks when i will grow out of the color pink.

i am a blonde the way i am pink. spiteful. elle woods walking malibu barbie through the halls of harvard. elle woods taking notes in pink sparkling pen. elle woods handing in her scented resume printed on pink paper.

elle woods saying

'what, like it's hard?'

i tape my thesis pages to the wall with glitter tape and pin my blonde hair back with a flower clip and i wear baby pink leather heels with bows on them.

'what, like it's hard?'

21/30

why do the aliens always want to kill us?

why do we always build a giant weapon?

why can't the aliens come to earth to help us?

why aren't scifi movies about healing?

20/30

ode to vestibular stimming

i do not like metal music

i'm sorry, it's just not my thing

but good god do i understand why people head bang

and why people mosh

when i was a kid i loved jumping on the trampoline, and the way it made my heart and brain jump and soar and bounce

now i can't jump on trampolines anymore but

i can listen to british pop music in my living room and laugh and feel that soar and jump and bounce as i swing my head from side to side and up and down and sometimes, for extra fun, twist my torso around a little

like i am so much energy and so little body but finally it has somewhere to go as my hair swishes against my face and an unstoppable grin spreads across my face and

don't you ever wanna just let go?

don't you ever wanna shake your head until the dizzy chases everything else away?

19/30

i like to talk to the creatures in the tanks when i do my aquarium rounds

the old man of an octopus in the floor tank i call gramps

my favorite sea star, a purple velcro star in the touch tanks, i call zippy

mostly i just call everything 'buddy'

'hey buddy, how ya doing today?' or 'come on buddy, scootch down from the top of the glass'

i apologize to the anemones when they close up because people have touched them too much

and i apologize to the jellies when it takes me more than one try to scoop them out so i can change their water

in middle school i noticed a rip on my baby doll's neck so i made her a neck brace from the sash of a build a bear robe and propped her up on pillows every night, so she wouldn't rip anymore

i am nearly 25 and i still feel guilty when my stuffed animals fall to the ground

i am nearly 25 and i keep multiple stuffed animals in the bed i share with my boyfriend of nearly six years

a common misconception of autism and other similar social disorders is that people on the spectrum do not experience empathy

and in some cases this is true

but an often ignored aspect of these disorders is that anything you could lack, you can also have too much of

hyper-empathy is when you are so receptive to others feelings they become your own

they become so much your own it causes you physical distress

and everything

everything

has feelings

i once got sad about throwing away a pair of pants because i had them for just... so long

i once cried on an apartment balcony because my neighbors i had never met, never even SEEN, were fighting

today i watched a young boy scare simon, a seagull who hangs out by the aquarium, by screaming at him

and it broke my heart a little even though i not especially fond of birds and am, in fact, kind of afraid of them

sometimes i sit and think about the things my dad experienced and my aching too big heart thinks

maybe it was okay

maybe the things he said were okay, because of what happened to him

my aching too big heart always forgets

things happened to my mother, too

things happened to me, too

and neither of us turned out like that

articles on the internet talk about hyper-empathy like a super power

call it 'being an empath'

to me it has always felt more like a bruise

like my aching too big heart just can't stop pumping blood to the tender surface of my skin

18/30

a very angry letter to a lady who came into the aquarium yesterday. less poem and more just 'complaining' but wow, i am still mad like 36 hrs later

for the love of god, lady

what is your fucking problem?

you are a grown adult. you have multiple children, some of whom are teenagers, and this is how you behave, in public, in front of your family?

are you incapable of basic human decency? did no one ever teach you manners?

yes, there is a disabled person and their caretaker in this aquarium, and yes the person is making noise. people make noise. you are in a fucking public place. children scream in here literally all the time. the seals scream. parents scream. sometimes the people who work here scream, because it is the only way you can hear us over the damn seals.

so why, lady, do you feel the need to make some rude ass comment about a person you don't even know, and look at me like

you expect me to play along

i wish i could say something to you but i am an employee and that is not polite but

if i was just a person i would tell you to shove it

but i wish i could have been a staff member AND told you to shove it

so i could have told you, hey, lady

this person helping you, telling you all this information about sea stars, is also fucking disabled

and your rude as hell eye roll and 'oh great, here we go' and 'really?' and loud scoffing is not appreciated

and frankly you can kiss my autistic ass and get the fuck out

17/30

capitalism is broken

and the reason i know this is because of jurassic park

not the franchise but the canon, the universe it exists in

every time i complain about the jurassic park universe

demanding to know why, for the love of GOD, do people keep opening these parks full of dangerous dinosaurs

someone always tells me 'the money, obviously'

as if capitalism was a reasonable excuse for making a super t-rex that eats people

as if money were an excuse for making yet another death trap

yet another super dinosaur that's going to –inevitably– escape and eat and/or traumatize someone

the idea that the people who built jurassic world looked at the events of jurassic park and thought

the money is worth it

we won't fuck up this time

is completely fucking baffling to me

i suppose maybe i am meant to see this as a heartwarming representation of the american refusal to fail

if at first you don't succeed, try try again, after all!

but i think about the news article i read last night

about how insurance companies worry curing diseases is not profitable

and i think about all the lives lost and therapy needed because everyone in jurassic world refused to learn from john hammond's mistakes

and i don't think any of this is saying americans refuse to fail

it's just saying we don't care how many times we kill people if there's good money to be made

16/30, inspired by how affectionate the characters on new girl are with each other

all through high school i did theatre, and i don't know if this is a universal theatre kid thing, or just something we all did

but we were all about physical contact

we were a bunch of misfit touch starved pets

piling seven teenagers on one sofa, every part of you touching somebody, every part of you warm

and i miss that

all that platonic but physical affection

i am a very affectionate person, and i find myself fighting to seem 'normal' in social situations

reminding myself not to wrap my arms around people, or rest a hand on someone's leg, or call casual friends babe, or offer people bites of food

this is how i lived all of high school

sitting in laps, holding hands in the halls, kisses hello, shared drinks and forks

i miss it

i don't understand our desire as a society to deem intimate touch romantic

why shouldn't i kiss my best friend on the cheek? why shouldn't friends hold hands?

we are social creatures, after all

we don't start out like this

we sleep in heaps at slumber parties, we play doctor, we play house, we do each other's hair

why does all that stop because we get old enough to want to kiss people?

doesn't that seem silly?

15/30 write more love poems about your friends guys. love your friends tell people you love them. i love telling people i love them. i love u. all of u. here's a poem about my best friend aka the greatest human on earth, the guildenstern to my rosencrantz

so i've known my best friend since 9th grade

except

except actually i met her in 3rd grade and didn't know it until 10th grade

and she wasn't my best friend until college

except

except she was, i think, maybe the whole time and we just didn't know it

on my fifteenth birthday she came with me to get my nose pierced and gave me a hand drawn birthday card that quoted my favorite green day song

once we spent six hours on skype drawing bad caricatures of celebrities

and when i left to grab a snack she yelled after me

"don't you go where i can't follow"

our senior year we read "rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead" for ap english and we started calling each other rosencrantz and guildenstern

and when she gave her senior project speech on william faulkner she cried, not because she was nervous, but because she loves faulkner and she got emotional

she is exactly 12 days older than me, and a taurus, and she plays a bunch of different instruments and one day we're going to start a folk punk band called the rebel amish

last summer we went to the deyoung together and laid in a shag covered bean bag chair watching the light show in the summer of love exhibit for like an hour

and we took a selfie in some giant gold antique mirror

and when i picture my future, she is as much a part of it as my boyfriend

this other love of my life, this girl with the bright eyes and the once broken nose and who is always willing to sit and talk about books

or the shitty people we went to high school with

or weird titles for potential memoirs

this amazing person, who is the only person i would trust to drive me through marin county while eating a mcdonalds cheeseburger

it is a different kind of love, sure

but it is a love story

and it is ours

14/30 which i wrote but forgot to post because i was playing video games

i wish my own mysteries were this easy to solve

just look for the spot that glows

and unearth what's hiding

no crying

no years of therapy

no buried memories

just point and click

[kaori-flowers]

Hi i wrote this at 2 AM so it's pure shit but i had to get this down before i forgot it. Later today I'll rewrite it so it's better but enjoy for now. Sorry

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"Here, let me open this for you."

"Thank you Sam. You're very polite."

Dahlia held Sam's arm gently as he opened multiple doors for her, and helped her balance. Each step she took had Sam on edge, because no one had seen her since Dream was put into prison. So every movement she made had his heart racing, thinking she was going to disappear again. Which was horrible.

"Dream get up. You have a visitor."

"Oh wow. It's nice and warm in here."

Dahlia paused next to the huge wall of lava and closed her eyes, relaxing a little as she stood still. The heat from the lava washed over her and warmes her up insanely quick. Although she couldn't seem to pull herself away from it yet, enjoying the warmth a little too much. It was almost making her lively again, the warmth was soaking through her.

"I'll be right here, if anything happens just call for me and I'll get you out right away."

Dahlia nodded and gave Sam a polite smile before stepping through the doors. As soon as she was inside the cell, everything closed behind her quick and hard. The sight of her made Dream rub his face multiple times, and his heart rate sped up.

"Dahlia?"

"Yeah i-"

"WHERE have you been?"

"I-"

"I thought you were fucking dead."

The constant interruptions and loud voice from Dream put her on edge. She moved to the side of the wall and leaned on it for support, and braced herself a little. Dream didn't realize what she did as rage over came him.

"You NEVER came to visit. You just fucking disappeared. Even Sapnap and George couldn't find you! Where WERE you? And why are you here now? Why would you think I'd wanna see you now?"

Dahlia kept her mouth shut in a thin pressed line, and she waited patiently as Dream yelled at her. Even though his voice was scaring her, she ignored it and tried to keep her composure. Her heart was beating as fast as a humming birds wings, and she started to second guess her decisions. Still, she gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured that she should just be honest.

"I didn't visit because i was hiding. You're here and not out there to protect me anymore. You think im safe? I-"

"Oh shut up. Everyone loves you. What are you talking about?"

"Not everyone."

Dahlia lifted the corner of her shirt up halfway but that was more than enough. The sight of her skin has Dream's blood boiling as he froze in place. He didn't think they would go after her just because he was gone. But....

"W-who did that?"

Dream's voice faltered slightly as he turned his back to her, not wanting to see it anymore. She scoffed lightly and gently put her shirt back down. Dahlia walked over to him carefully and slid her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his back and closed her eyes, relaxing in to his touch.

"Why didn't you stay with Punz? Does anyone else know about this? Tell me who did this. Is this why you've been nowhere to be found?"

Dream's mind raced but he couldn't get everything out at once, only a few things. Here and there. Dahlia didn't exactly care tho she was just glad to be touching him again. It had been too long since she had felt him or even SEEN him.

"You need to stay with-"

"Just shhhhhh."

Dahlia shushed him as she held him tightly, hurting herself worse. Tears slid down her face and she let go of him slowly. Dream turned around and she could see tears running down his face as well.

"You're so beautiful. I missed you so much."

That's all he could get out before breaking out into a strong sob. Originally it was just over Dahlia, but now he was crying over everything. Only because he felt safe in her arms and comfortable.

"Shhhh its okay."

Dahlia rubbed his back gently but her heart was pounding hard, like it was trying to burst through her chest. It's been so long since she's hugged him. It felt like it was just a dream and she'd wake up any second. Which only made her hug him tighter.

[hellsangelsheavensrejects]

Present Day: Recompense Come

Wynonna

Someone in the universe had a mighty big sense of humor with a little hardon of cruelty dashed in. At least that's what it felt like when Wynonna saw him, John Constantine, coming towards the part of the bar she'd parked herself at. He hadn't seen her yet. If she worked it just right she could get away with him none the wiser.

John

Somewhere between leaving the US and the moment he's made his way towards that bar, John Constantine had broken a curse and reacquired the demonic taint he'd deliberately locked away years prior. By sleeping with his friendly neighbourhood succubus Ellie, to regain enough power to ... well, to make sure he'd be strong enough to deal with Mormo the next time she came around.

He'd also gotten in the way when Father Gregor had tried to throw Holy Water (the real deal, it turned out) at the demon they had spent their afternoon fighting and hit John across the arm and jaw, searing his skin.

John would later think that he should be forgiven for not recognizing the familiar curves, the leather jacket, the razor sharp jaw ... the curls that were now just a little longer, when he slid into a chair and gestured for a drink. You know. Given the fact that not two hours earlier, his skin had nearly boiled off.

Wynonna

Her eyes stayed on him as he made his way to a chair. The whole of him looked rough. And not in the usual way that made her want to take his tie and-- Nope. Not going there. But he does look hurt. What happened? The question bounced around in her mind as gave Peacemaker a pat.

She would have made it. If she hadn't zigged when one of the women carrying drinks to tables hadn't zagged and gotten so off balance that she fell backwards. Right towards him. Like she'd thought: Someone had a sense of humour. It just wasn't her.

John

A crash and a clatter drew his attention and his new, quicker reflexes had him reaching out both for whatever large thing he could see falling towards him from the corner of his eyes and magic.

His hand clamped on an arm dressed in soft, wellworn leather and when John pulled up the young woman he had just rescued from a nasty fall with a smirk and a "Careful, luv.", it took him a moment to recognize the eyes staring up him.

Blazing angrily.

When he did recognize them, the narrow, angular face, the defined lips ... his heart tumbled out of his chest, crashed into his stomach and made him feel sick.

"Wynonna...", he muttered and let go of her as if burned. As if touching her caused him pain.

Wynonna

"Oh you remember me?" The remark left her before she could truly think about it. When it caught up with her, she cursed under her breath and looked down for a moment. While it had come out like a dig, she hadn't meant it as such.

Some of her softness left, edged out by quickly returning anger when he released her with the swiftness of someone who had just grabbed something that was white hot. It stung at her, digging deeper into that already there hurt.

(Really she wouldn't be surprised if her heart looked like swiss cheese by now.)

Wy rolled her shoulders back and stood tall, gaze daring him to say something. Anything.

John

John huffed, face twisting into a painful smile. "Clever.", he replied. "Yeah, real clever ...", he swallowed the endearment that wanted to jump from his tongue.

His eyes skittered away from her out of their own volition, scanning the room with a painful sinking feeling.

"He here, too?"

Wynonna

"Didn't mean it like that but if the trench coat fits..." She watched John look for Harry, even then. Wynonna scoffed softly and shook her head. "No. He's not here. I don't know where he is, actually. But my guess is that he wouldn't want to see you even if he was. You have to know that."

John

"Yeah ...", John agreed, voice quiet and toneless as he looked away from her, finding the drink the bartender set in front of him somewhere in the few seconds he'd been dreading (hoping, don't fucking kid yourself, Con Job) to see Harry. "I know tha'.", his lip curled into a sneer. Disgusted with himself. "Don' worry, he won' have t' see me ever again."

Wynonna

Her eyes lingered on him and it took more effort than she'd ever admit to keep from reaching for him. When everything with the three of them had imploded no one had escaped the shrapnel from it. The fallout was still raining down and everything. Still. Hurt. One shoulder rose up in a quick shrug.

"Even if he does you could always just mojo it away no problem." Wynonna pursed her lips before reaching past him and taking his drink for herself. Because why not? Alcohol certainly won't make the pain worse.  "Did you love him?" She asked after drinking down about half the glass.

John

A part of him wished he had the energy left to get angry at her for the accusation. The selfish, self preserving part of him. The rest, however? All the parts that were tender and raw still, they nodded.

"Yeah.", he agreed, loathing and sarcasm dripping of the word and twisting his face into a grimace.

And then, suddenly, she was in his space and the warm scent of coconut wrapped around him, made his fingers twitch with how much he wanted to reach out. Pull her close and into all the cracks of him that losing her along with Harry had left.

Something stopped him. A burn just under his skin, starting where her hip nearly touched his and he looked down. Right there, in its holster, sat Peacemaker. Sigils flaring to life along its barrel. She hadn't seemed to have noticed it. Not yet. Too preoccupied with her anger, maybe.

But he had no time to contemplate that. Not when Wynonna asked that simple little question that hit him in the chest like a bullet from her gun.

It drove hot tears to his eyes and wrenched a painful sob from him. Again, he looked away from her, tried to ignore the nausea that was building slowly. "Wha'ssit ma'er now?", he asked around his tight throat. "I cocked i' up, nothin' to say to make da' right. No' when I knew wha' Justin did to him an' did i' anyway, cause I couldn' ge' over me bloody ego.", now he'd started, the words didn't want to stop. "I thought I was so fuckin' smart. So much fuckin' stronger than 'im. I could take it, I thought. 'e can't. No' when 'e might want fuckin' kids one day. Can' ge' your nice li'le white picket fence American dream with the knowledge a demon will come for your kids, Eh?"

Wynonna

The drink in her hand--what was left of it, anyway--was cold and comforting. It gave her something to hold on to so that she wouldn't lean into Constantine like she wanted to. She nodded along with him. "Could even mojo me too." As if that had just occurred to her...Which it had. "If you haven't already, right?"

Wynonna's gaze dipped down when she realized that the low hum she was hearing wasn't bar related. No, that deep, formerly comforting sound of Peacemaker flaring to life so it could do what it needed to do was real. Was now. Because it was resting against his skin.

Her mind flashed back to that long ago night at the hotel with Harry. When Peacemaker had woken her from heavy sleep because Lash was in his head. To the way the gun would flare to life in reaction to the Mantle. "John what did you--"

Then she fell silent, dread making her heart drop into her stomach when his words caught up to her. Wynonna didn't reach for Peacemaker but she did grab his jacket, yanking him closer. He didn't know. Harry hadn't told him and neither had she. God they were all so fucking stupid. "What the hell do you mean that a demon will come for his kids?"

John

Another snort of pained laughter. "Yeah, if I haven' yet.", he echoed and then, because he was watching her from the corner of his eyes, he saw her face change. He saw the penny hit the ground for the first time and bounce back up in the air.

He expected her question and still, he heard Harry's accusation there, twisting his heart further like barbed wire wrapping tightly around it.

There wasn't really an explanation for what he'd done. Not one he could just lay out there for her in that moment.

And then the penny dropped again.

Ting

And the universe flicked another one in the air.

The world tilted off kilter.

Not because Wynonna nearly dragged him out of his chair, but because he could see the fear in her eyes. Because her question wasn't phrased to relate to a mere possibility. Will. Not would.

John's own penny dropped like a hollow point bullet to his gut.

"He's go' kids…", John whispered tonelessly, blue eyes wide. "You've go' kids. You two … got kids."

Wynonna

Her own curiosity about how far his memory rewrites was completely and utterly forgotten. At that moment she didn't give a damn about herself or what he may or may not have done to her. Her mind had been screwed with before. It could wait.

The grip on his coat tightened as she basically dragged him out of the bar. A bouncer moved toward them, ostensibly to see if any sort of intervention was needed. Wynonna flashed her BBD badge and shook her head at him. "I've got this, thanks."

When they're outside she looks up at him, still not relinquishing her hold on his stupid trench coat. "Guess he never got around to telling you about them." Wy let sharp cruelty edge into her voice because if any kindness slipped in she would fucking break then and there. "He has two. A daughter with Susan. And with me. Two kids, John."

John

He followed along, numb and silent for once. Teeth clenched, breathing hard through his nose, throat working to keep down the threat of being sick. The alcohol he'd consumed even before coming to the bar trying to crawl out of his stomach in a hot wave.

Harry had children.

Harry remembered.

Mormo … was still out there.

"No…", his voice was still toneless. "No … he never told me...", neither had she. Fuck, they'd been together for seven months back then and she hadn't even told him the name of the man who's death had devastated her.

"Two children …", he echoed, staring at the spot below her collarbone. Where the neckline of her shirt revealed a glimpse of a familiar chain. Did that chain still hold the pendant he'd given her?

He sucked in a shuddering breath and looked up at her, a spot right under her left eye. "I go'a go. I go' favours to call in. 's abou' time I drew a final line with tha' bitch."

Wynonna

"Guess maybe he didn't trust you as much as you thought." Even as she spoke the words, she knew that wasn't it at all. Harry had trusted him. Implicitly. It was why everything had cut so deep for him.

Wynonna watched Constantine continue to work through everything, her own mind feeling full while her heart felt heavy. She nodded at the repetition. "Two little girls." She didn't say their names, knowing that was information that could be used against them as well.  His gaze strayed toward her chest and if they'd been in any kind of place for it, she would have called him out on it.

She shook her head. Within seconds Peacemaker was out of its holster and held up to John's forehead. The gun glowed in the dark of the night, humming lowly as she did. "No. You're not goin' anywhere. Not yet. You're going to tell me why my gun's so friendly with you now and explain why your Goddamn ego might get two kids dragged down like Astra."

The magic of the gun tingled against his skin, the demonic blood trying to escape the touch. A cruel smile twisted his mouth and he reached up to curl his hand around hers. Tightening her fingers around the gun and pressing his forehead against the muzzle.

"Don' poin' a gun a' somethin' you don' intend to shoot, luv.", he hissed. "Every moment we stand here, those two li'le girls are in danger. You really wanna play 20 Questions righ' now? Yeah. Then lemme give you a short rundown. And if you think tha's worth riskin your child's life over, you be'er be prepared to pull tha' trigger."

And right there, standing in the dark, his hand holding hers still, the gun to his forehead and searing his skin, he told her everything. Trying to save Astra's soul with their hair brained scheme, Mormo vowing to kill them for the spell they had concocted, going after Harry, nearly killing him, John wanting to save him, but not being strong enough to banish Mormo for good … and then making the hardest decision of his life.

Erasing himself from the memory of the man he loved.

He ended with: "And I fucked a demon. 'parrently tha' leaves a stain tha' your gun don't like."

Wynonna

Wynonna ignored the familiar zip of electricity that went through her when John wrapped his hand around hers and upped the ante by pressing the muzzle flush against his head. If things were different, she'd comment on how that ticked a few boxes for her.

"You think I won't?" Her voice was cold but there was the barest hint of wavering in the question. If she had to she would. But it would break her. She knew it.

But she fell silent, listening to John spin his yarn and explain what had happened. Wynonna pushed back the wave of emotions threatening to breach the calm, cold demeanor she was working to hold onto. Her gun was still pressed to Constantine's head. "Here's what's going to happen. You talk to whatever damned contacts you have. Call in your favors. Say whatever prayers or curses you have before you put up some sort of cloaking bullshit to hide them. If that doesn't work I'll send you to hell myself."

John

He was breathing heavily against the splitting pain radiating from where the gun touched him.

"I will.", he promised her then, jaw tight. "By the end of this, those kids are safe or I'm dead."

And when he found it in himself that he meant it, that he was fully prepared to die in the process of saving his former lovers' children or get on his knees in front of her so she could put a bullet through his head, his gaze moved up from where it had been fixed to her cheek and met her eyes for the first time.

Any resistance he might have put up against a Soulgaze before, he willed away. Laying his dirty, tainted, terrible soul out for her ...

Wynonna

Being drawn into a Soulgaze was something she'd only experienced once before. With Harry. It started out the same way, sensation wise. With Wynonna feeling like she was tumbling down a tunnel with no clear light at the end.

She saw small John Constantine being berated by his father. "Killer." Mucus Membrane. The Newcastle incident with Astra. Every trick and stunt he pulled and the loathing that often laid behind it. Nights with Harry and the love he felt for him. ...Love he felt for her too. Guilt. Fear. Anger. Hope. There was so much in there that it made her breath catch.

John

The world fell away as he let himself be drawn into her, racing through images and emotions.

The gun in his her small hand, the shot, his her father dead, running, running, running from a responsibility too heavy, from the hatred, from the name calling, the gun back in his her hand …

Harry.

Harry, Harry, Harry, the child.

Harry's death.

John.

Both of them.

And all of it, underneath the pain and the guilt … woven into it, drifting through it like the smoke of his cigarettes, love.

Love for her sister.

For her daughter.

For Harry.

…

…

…

For John.

He came out of the Soulgaze gasping for breath, wet asphalt under his knees and palms and tears finally, finally falling.

Wynonna

Overwhelmed didn't even begin to describe how Wynonna felt as the Soulgaze ended. Though it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, it had felt like so much longer. So much shit that Constantine had to wade through. But Goddamn it. Damn him. Damn Harry. Damn her. He was good intentioned.

Peacemaker's light winked out as her hand fell away from him, her other arm wrapping around her midsection as she attempted to catch her breath. Her own eyes blurry with tears. Try as she might, she couldn't hold them back either. "You asshole." She cried with frustration. "I wish I could hate you."

John

His laughter was breathless and bordering on hysterical, just for a moment. Then he looked up at her, brows drawn into a pained frown. "Yeah …", he muttered "Yeah, I wish you would."

The echo of her love for him was still rattling around his chest, the feeling of it making his skin feel raw, as if even his familiar, well worn clothing was chafing him.

"I really, really wish you would.", it would be so much easier to walk away after this. Once he had made it right, once he had made sure the children were safe …  when he would need to leave her.

His hands pressed hard against the pavement, he took a few steadying breaths, before he pushed himself back to his feet. "If you have a way of contactin'im, do so. Make sure the kids are alright. I uh … my promise still stands, bu' if you still don' believe me … if you think I'll bail … you have my name, from my own mouth. Do you still have the amulet?"

Wynonna

"If I could...I would. It would hurt less." Apparently it was far easier to be honest this soon after a Soulgaze, with her defenses down and broken. Her other hand rested on Peacemaker, this time for comfort rather than the need to try and intimidate John.

Wynonna looked back at Constantine. Without a word she unwound her arm from around her middle to bring her necklace out from under her shirt. It swung loose now, the amulet from John and a charm from Harry as telling about her feelings as the damn Soulgaze had been.

"Ma--" She'd almost said her name. "I know one is safe. Hidden away." Anyone would have to be absolutely reckless and stupid to try and breach the defenses that surrounded the Carpenter household.

John

Not only had she kept the amulet, it still hung exactly where Harry had put it after John had given it to Wynonna. Together with Harry's own charm …

It would be shocking if he hadn't seen exactly where her feelings for both of them still stood. A thought nagged at him.

'What does Harry think about that?'

He didn't ask the question, instead, he nodded and pushed a hand into his coat pocket to retrieve a pocket knife. He'd barely flicked it open with a blunt nail before he pressed the sharp tip to the palm of his hand.

"Gimme the amulet."

The fresh wound wasn't deep, but deep enough to weep a few drops of blood that he pressed to the metal, whispering a spell under his breath. He could feel the connection being made, like a silk ribbon being drawn through his veins from his heart to the wound and he wince before he pulled his hand away and pressed his palm to his mouth to watch the blood being sucked into the crevices of the pendant.

The sharp, acidic sting of his own tainted blood on his tongue made him wrinkle his nose before he continued to speak.

"A promise spell. You get one wish from me 'n I'm beholden to carry i' out or suffer consequences. Use it now to compel me to save your daughters or save it to summon me when you need me. Your choice. Either way, should be security tha' I'm no' bout to run."

Wynonna

She handed the necklace over without question, silently watching the process with appraising eyes. It was something she'd seen from him dozens of times. And, just like with Harry, it was always an interesting thing to watch. Let's not get sentimental, Earp. That'll do jack shit for you in the long run, remember?

Any other time she would have laughed at the way he'd used beholden or the notion of a promise spell. As it was she nodded and took back the necklace, resting her hand against it for a moment before slipping it under her shirt once more.

"I don't think I need to compel your already guilty conscience," Wynonna told him. "But it's nice knowing that you won't just..." She trailed off and shook her head. "Whatever." A long moment of silence passed. "You ever fuck with my head, Constantine?"

John

His fingers had started fumbling for his cigarettes in that quiet where both of them seemed to be looking for what to say, while being unwilling to just turn and leave. He'd just put the white stick between his lips when her question hit and he sent her a sad little smile.

"'xcept for tha' time we played strip poker 'n I made you believe I coul' outplay your three Queens?", he tried to joke, but the smile dropped immediately and he shook his head. "Never. No' even once."

Wynonna

Despite everything his not quite landing joke still managed to eek out a whisper of a smile from her, though it was as brief as his had been. "Thanks for that." Which might have been an odd thing to say to your ex...whatever the hell he'd been but when had she ever done things normally?

"Later on I'll have to...See if I can't summon the Winter Knight. Saying his boss' name three times brings her around so maybe it's the same for him." Though Wynonna wasn't in a rush to say his name. It hurt. Far too much.

John

"Mab ...", John muttered, teeth clenching tight enough so he could hear the crackle of it in his ears. The fairy bitch who had been trying to manipulate all three of them. Who had organised that little reunion of theirs and who had made sure that Harry had had a reason to seek John out again afterwards.

"If I never 'ave to 'ear 'er name again, i'll be too soon.", he grumbled and took a drag from his cigarette. Another moment of silence and then, for the second time since they had first met, he presented her with his business card.

John Constantine Warlock Phone 021....

Nothing more than that.

"In case you need to ge' hold of me the mundane way."

Wynonna

"Yeah, good luck with that. It's about as likely as never hearing--" Wynonna stopped short, realizing that the comment she was about to make would have been bordering on cruel.

No need for that, Wynonna. He knows how you feel now.

Instead she looked down at the card fingers tracing over the slightly raised lettering. One eyebrow rose up. "No more 'Master of the Dark Arts'?"

John

"Notice tha', huh?", he replied dully, not quite looking at her. Habit or lingering guilt, he wasn't going to question it. "Was a bit pretentious. Master. Wassnit?"

The hadn that mechanically put the cigarette to his mouth was shaking. The effects of the day, the exorcism, his injury and now ... this, settling into his muscles and making them weak. God he needed sleep.

"I know where to start, who to ask.", he said finally. "I'll find you when I'm done."

Cigarette between his lips he reached up to pull the collar of his coat higher, tighter against his injured neck, before stuffing both hands into his pockets and turning away from her without another word.

Wynonna

There was more she could have said. Wanted to. But her mind was already sliding back toward the drinks behind the bar and the lonely hotel bed she wanted to slip into. Wynonna watched him walk away and she felt her breathing catch.

All because of her stupid heart.

"Be careful, John Constantine. I don't want to kill you but I will for them."

~finis~