#if you find a trinity alps one however be my guest

[pleb-the-original]

Day 12: Trinity Alps Giant Salamander

(Again, another one I had no idea existed until now. Couldn't figure out what do with basically misplaced hellbenders. So after a bit I wondered if maybe you could eat a hellbender. I couldn't find anything on that but why not bring back Gob anyways? Please do not eat a hellbender to prove if its edible or not) Howdy y’all! Welcome back to Gob’s Delights! I sure am glad that y’all appreciated my little experiment last episode. Y’all had me smilin’ like a jackass eatin’ briars! So today I got something extra for y’all today. This dish focuses on the demonic taste buds and will really bring out that succinctly toxic taste. I’ll be making Trinity Alps Salamander stew! Now then, I know what y’all are gonna say. “But Gob, ain’t those little buggers a currently living cryptid and thus wouldn’t they be fully sapient?” Well they are and quite frankly that hasn’t stopped me before. But I’ve done a little research myself. Those salamanders are what we call species cryptids. Instead of the belief of those humans being expressed as a singular entity, these little buggers instead are basically animals. They exist as a stable population of multiple individuals that can even procreate but still rely on belief in order to be sustained. So cooking up one or two ain’t gonna hurt anyone. We do only need one for the stew however. Since these guys were based on sightings of released hellbenders, they taste much like hellbenders themselves. Fishy and tough with a chewy texture. That may not sound too tasty but these buggers have meat that absorbs a lot of flavor. That therefore extends to the Alps salamanders. So what you gotta do is cube them like this. Now for this stew you put the meat in first. Then you pour in a fish oil roux. I tend to make mine with Night Mare milk due to the potency of the poison but you can substitute for other liquids if you so choose. Once the roux is added, stir to let the meat absorb the flavors. This next part is the fun one. This is when you get to pick your poisons. But be careful, certain ones tend to not work as well with these conditions. My tried and true formula works the best for me so far but you can experiment if you want. So I add a dash of mercury first, then hemlock wine, a nice heaping helpin’ of California salamander poison, polluted water preferably with crude oil, and finally a smidge of fertilizer for texture. Stir slowly as you heat the pot. If you’re the one heating up the pot, then keep stirring until you can feel the meat become tender. If you are not the one heating the pot, stir until the meat has reached a nice golden brown. Then garnish with whatever you want. Personally, despite the irony, I like to add an Angel's Trumpet flower floating on top. It adds both a splash of color and an extra punch of poison to the batch. There y’all have it. A perfect stew for any gatherin’. Just don’t grab yourselves too many salamanders.