#if you fall from high enough then it could take all 30 hearts and then you're out of the series

[kittiekolb]

People have already showed GeminiTay's instagram story and mentioned how there seems to be three rows of hearts.. one life with 30 hearts instead of 3 lives with 10 hearts each.. what if the new series is called One life? o.o

[luveline]

would you do a james fainting fic 🙏🙏

—James doesn’t like you, but he’ll come to your rescue. fem, 1.5k The office is hot. 

James dabs at his neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Remus rubbing his eye. 

“You okay?” he asks. 

You look up from the paper on your desk. When you realise he isn’t asking you, you look away, your lips pressing into a tight line. James tries not to show he’s noticed. 

“Fine,” Remus mutters. “Fucked off ‘cos of the portal changing again. I hate these long passwords.” 

“Are you hot or is it just me?” 

You clear your throat. Usually, unless it’s Remus who’s spoken first or James has said something you find ridiculous, you won’t interrupt. “I’m really warm,” you say, “do you think I can open the window?” 

“Like you can reach it, shorts. I’ll do it.” James jumps up from his seat. Whether you’re short or not has nothing to do with it. James is taller, and he holds it against you diligently. 

He rounds your desks. The sun is worse on his skin than the heat alone. He can’t imagine how awful you must feel to have it on the side of your neck all day; in the half minute he stands there opening the window, the heat makes him queasy. 

He tugs the blinds down enough to shield you. It’ll help the entire office, he thinks. Not just you. If you thought he was doing something nice you’d only interrogate his motives until you both turned irate, and that’s the last thing anyone needs today. 

James isn’t sure how you and he ended up not liking one another. He’s never met anybody he didn’t like that wasn’t a massive wanker, and you are but you’re not, not really. When you first started he’d actually thought you were cute, and funny, if a little quiet. It didn’t matter because James is used to quiet people. But one thing turned to another, he’d used your mug without washing it, you’d left him off of the department emails for the quarter, then the snipping started. Constant nitpicking and bickering. You make it too easy, and so what if he likes how you look when you’re mad? It doesn’t hurt anybody to put your mug in the stockroom and your lunch on a different shelf. If anything, he’s keeping you vigilant. 

You don’t look vigilant. You don’t say anything as James sits back down, even though he hits his knee for the hundredth time on his desk. You usually love it. Sometimes when you’re tired he does it on purpose to give you a reason to keep going till 4:30. 

“Are you okay?” James asks finally, eyeing your face. “You look funnier than usual.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” He should stop being mean. You look like you’re gonna pass out. 

Remus peeks over his computer screen. “You don’t look well,” he says. 

“I’m fine.” You roll your seat back. 

James pushes back at the same time. “Wait a second–”

You’re standing before James can stop you, but he stands up anyways, and he takes your elbow into his hand though he shouldn’t. You give him the most peculiar look, almost like you’re enjoying his touch, just for those two seconds, before your chin dips down and your eyes squeeze closed, and all of you goes slack. 

James grabs you at the precipice of a bad fall. 

You’re still as a doll in his hands. He leans back with a quick sigh, his arm curling over the small of your back and upward. Your legs aren’t holding your weight, and you begin to slip. 

James could keep you up, he doesn’t go to the gym for nothing, but Remus rushes to his aid and pushes your chair back, helping him set you down on the floor. “What do we do?” Remus asks urgently. 

James puts his hand behind your head. You’re slack. When he touches your face, your skin is as hot as the heart of a furnace. 

“Can you get some water?” he asks Remus. 

James is peculiarly calm. He knows you’re just hot, it’s not uncommon for people to faint in high temperatures, and he’s honestly confident in his ability to look after you. It’s very sad to see you unwell, of course, and his heart is beating fast as he takes in your slack mouth. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he says, cupping your cheek gently. He gives your face a little shake, reluctant to be rough with you while you’re vulnerable, even if some force would help. “Hey, can you hear me? You’re okay, can you open your eyes?” 

Nothing. He leans down a touch to listen for your breath, and it’s fine, if a tad fast. 

Remus comes back with a cup of water and Sirius, which is predictable but not super helpful. “Jesus,” Sirius says. “I’ll call an ambulance.” 

“She’ll die of embarrassment,” Remus says. 

“She’s coming around,” James says, patting your cheek, thrilled when your eyelashes twitch. “I think we should go into the break room, is it empty? We can sit her on the sofa.” 

“You don’t think we should do something a bit more drastic?” Sirius asks. 

James feels rather defensive of you. Remus is right, you would die of embarrassment if they called an ambulance, and he’s sure you’re fine. You have to be fine. “She just fainted, it’s so hot in here. Go open a window in the break room and we’ll wait for her to come around.” 

Sirius glares playfully at being told what to do, but he goes, and Remus kneels down beside James with a cup of water. Someone from the front of the office asks if you’re alright, but James misses what they’re saying as you let out a whine. 

All of a sudden, his attention is fully yours. 

“Hey,” he murmurs. 

Your eyes open slowly, lashes heavy like they’re thick with honey. You take in a deep, deep breath through your nose, and you blink, and you turn into his hand where it’s holding your cheek with all the familiarity of a lover. “James,” you mumble. 

His stomach aches. He ignores it. “You okay? Can you look at me properly? I need to make sure you’re fine.” 

“I’m fine,” you say, face pressed to his hand. 

“Just look at me. Just for a second.” 

You pull yourself with clear annoyance from his hand and open your eyes properly. He can pinpoint the moment you realise who he is, how you're touching, and he can’t explain the pang he gets when you rush up and away from his touch. “Oh, fuck,” you mumble, dropping your head, your fingers to your forehead and your thumb covering your eyes. 

“Hey, don’t move around so much.” He continues to be soft. You might have realised who it is that’s trying to look after you, and you might not want him to, but he’ll be damned if he lets your bickering stop him from making sure you’re as okay as he’d claimed to everyone else. “Are you okay?” 

“Did I…” 

“You fainted. Don’t worry, I caught you. Take it easy, okay? Have this.” 

He presses the cup of water into your hand.

Somewhere behind him, Remus has moved away, and is seemingly fending off the masses of people coming to offer assistance. 

You see them looking at you behind him and cover your face. 

James shuffles forward quickly. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not gonna let anyone see you. I’m saving this embarrassment all for myself. Please drink your water.” 

“Did everybody see me fall?” 

“They saw us engaged in a loving cwtch. It was very romantic.” 

You sip your water. In truth, you don’t look much better for passing out, and James can’t get the feeling of your face out of his hand. He wants to touch you again, his fingers hesitating an inch from your knee. 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” he says. “You don’t control the weather. Do you?” 

“Of course I don’t.” 

“Then why are you sorry? It was alright. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? We just want to make sure you’re okay. Sirius wanted to call an ambulance,” —you visibly baulk— “and I told him no, don’t worry. Then all the attention would be on you, and not me for my valiant rescue.” 

“Was I heavy?” you ask, your mumbling nearly friendly. 

“I can bench press two twenty.” 

“That… doesn’t mean anything to me.” 

“You’re nothing I couldn’t handle, shortcake. Do you think you can stand up? I’ll take you into the break room. You can lay down on the sofa.” 

You make a soft sound James won’t soon forget and put your hand out for his help. He doesn’t have to force you. You don’t have to ask. He helps you stand and keeps an arm behind your back, shielding you from the worried and curious gazes of your coworkers. 

You press your cheek to his chest. 

Remus looks at you both like you’ve been body-snatched, but it’s too late to wuss out now. 

[ilovetoxicfictionalmen]

IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH

KINKTOBER DAY 30 - VICTORIAN AU WITH ROBERT FISCHER

Pairing.| Robert Fischer x fem!reader

Summary.| You visit your sister who’s health is dropping, you find out a sickening truth from her husband.

Warnings.| Noncon, rough, fingering, innocence taking (given era), implied murder scheming, betrayal, infidelity.

Word count.| 1.8k

Notes.| Okay I actually wrote this today because 31 stories is actually draining. Very rushed as it was actually meant to be another prompt but had no motivation. Pride and Prejudice inspired me actually for this.

His bright blue eyes always felt dark, that much you knew. Even though your sister’s husband was dashing, you couldn’t help but to be heavily intimidated in his presence. Every time Francesa would tell you that he is a loving man, you held back to call her bluff. As she claimed, he was only so stern on the outside due to his demanding and harsh late father. But there was always this facade on her paling face, she’d hold her shoulders high even though it took all of her strength. 

Many times had you invited her back home, everytime she declined. Your large family home was lonely, especially with no suitors coming to visit. The back and forward letters weren’t enough to ease your sadness, you hadn’t seen her since their last ball. Even then, that was only for a short amount of time, she was feeling too unwell shortly after it commenced. 

But her husband on the other hand, Mr Fischer, would not rid his sight of you that evening. Every time you looked in his direction, you felt his piercing gaze. For what many ladies would find flattering, you found uncanny. Because Robert Fischer never said many words to you and those he did, it was dript in bitterness. 

You had traveled down to visit your charming sister in their estate. You’d never seen your sister look so weak, so dead on the outside. You expressed your concerns immediately. But she still had that unfeigned smile on her crusting lips. Every hour you spent with her, you could feel your heart crack more, you feared a gruesome future. She needed a doctor, you brought this to Robert’s attention, but he brushed it all. A doctor visited every few days and claimed that nothing else could be done besides taking the medicine and praying. 

When the room fell silent after you slammed your hand down in anger, Robert’s eyes widened. It was disturbing the way that his eyes were speaking to you. Franseca remained quiet, she could never get in between her beloved sister and dear husband. As Robert’s mouth shrugged, he strided out of the sitting room. Immediately you apologized to your sister, but she only recommended that you did so to him. Like he deserved your kindness. 

Now, you silently walked the dark halls, a candle in hand as you searched for him. He never slept much, she confessed how she would always fall asleep alone and wake up alone. Sometimes the side of his bed looked to be untouched. You heard movement in his study, so with a gentle knock and a swallow of your pride, you pushed open the door. 

The room was dimmed, a few candles flickering around the room painted the dimness with sunflower tones. He sat at his desk, with that same smug look on his face, eyes locked on you as per usual, your stomach tightened painfully. You approached him, your teeth in between your lips and sight low.

“My dearest, why are you awake at such a late hour?” Robert murmured, his eyes narrowed as he admired the white gown you wore and the way it outlined your breasts.

You didn’t like the pet names he gave you, Robert rarely called you your proper name. Only ever something to cheapen your status compared to his. It was never a compliment, you were convinced. He exhaled as you didn’t answer, you were too stubborn to apologize. But then you promised your sister you would, you huffed in frustration and put the candle down. 

“Darling?” Robert cocked a brow. 

“I apologize” you mumbled, arms crossed over. 

“Pardon?” Robert acted dumbfounded. 

“I apologize for my behavior today” you repeat yourself more loudly. “I should never have spoken to you that way, especially in your own home” you continued on, mentally kicking yourself. 

This was so humiliating. Robert chuckled and shook his head as he straightened out his papers. 

“My wife put you up to this, didn’t she?” he questioned with a click of his tongue as he stood up. He wandered around the desk and leant on it, you nodded, his eyes ran up and down your body slowly. “But are you sorry? For humiliating me in my own home?” He challenged. 

Your eyes widened with irritation. Breathe… It was hardly humiliating, no one else was even in the room. Robert was the one that stormed out like a child anyways. Oh, your father had warned you of your bullheadedness. This was not the right time and place to act as such. 

“I am” you nodded. 

“Are you now?” Robert hummed as he stepped closer to you. 

It felt snakelike, the way he was slithering towards you. This ball of anxiety grew in your chest, that look in his eyes felt unhinged even though he remained to tame. You didn’t even notice yourself stepping back towards the large bookshelves. A gasp left your lips as you pressed up against the hardwood, his hands rested on either side of your head. His tongue rolled over his lips as his breathing slowly grew heavier. 

“Mr Fischer” you gulped. 

“Mhm, it is I” he grinned. 

His hand caressed your face gently. It was a rare occasion that he could look you in the eyes so up close, he always admired the way your compelling eye color matched your soft skin tone. It was when his thumb pressed onto your lower lip that you felt your throat go dry. The naiveness disappeared from your body, you knew his intentions clearly. 

The secret was, Robert Fischer always desired your hand in marriage. When he saw you for the first time, he couldn’t help but to finally smile and feel a wave of satisfaction course through him. Finally, his father had done something not out of spite. But when it was declared that you were not Franseca, his heart fell and anger blazed once more. 

He wanted you, even tried to convince his father. But no, you weren’t the first born. You were stubborn, very strong minded for a woman, Robert desired the challenge to break you. Robert was condemned to a loveless marriage with the punishment of adoring you from a close afar. 

It was immediately expected for an heir to be born, but every time she bled brought shame on his status not hers. When his father gracefully passed shortly after, he couldn’t live by his commands any longer. Robert longed for you day and night, and began to form a plan to bring your souls together with minimal catastrophes. 

But with you here now in this gown for only his eyes, mouth and well… you know what. He simply could not wait any longer, he needed you now. Your sister Francesa was hideous in his eyes, you’d never know why. He could hardly get erect in her presence. But you, oh you were the forbidden fruit he had no guilt in demolishing. 

“Your sister is dying, that much is obvious” Robert stated emotionlessly, you felt a stab to your heart. “I’ll desire a new wife and you seem rather fitting” Robert lifted the right corner of his mouth to reveal his sharp teeth. In a state of panic, your lips wobbled and he predicted your next action. “Don’t you dare scream in my home” Robert grunted as one hand clamped over your mouth and the other pushed your chest back. 

“Rob-Robert” you grumbled out through the gaps of his fingers.

“Robert?” he furrowed. 

“Mr Fischer” you quickly corrected yourself through a wobbly tone, eyes swollen with tears ready to hydrate your flustering cheeks. . 

“Your sister is my burden of life, she could not even bear me an heir. Damn your father for cursing me with her! And damn mine for allowing it!” Robert raised his voice. 

The repented anger coursed through him once more. He slammed his hand on the shelf, you squeaked out and shoulders raised. Robert’s heavy breathing went muffled on your blocked ears as you tried to make sense of the situation. 

“Mr. Fischer please! She is sweet, nurturing, thoughtful!” you pleaded. 

The room drew silent momentarily. 

“Well, you better hope that she passed on those to you” Robert huffed.

Abruptly, he kissed you passionately, his tongue slithered into your hot mouth as you grumbled against him. His hands roughly scrunched up your dress and squeezed your hips, the bookshelves dug against your posterior chain. The sounds that came from his mouth sounded like a starved animal desperate to devour his prey. As badly as you wanted to fight him off, your body went into a standby state, you trembled and muscles turned stiff. When his hand rubbed over your panties, you gasped out in fear, breaking your connection.

“Please! Don’t take my innocence away!” you sobbed quietly, too fearful to raise your voice. 

Even though your parents told you little about intercourse, it was drilled into your mind that it was forbidden, a dangerous sin to engage in these pleasurable events premarital. Being touched and kissed was already filthy enough. If society found out, you’ll be an outcast. If Robert deflowered you, you would certainly never marry and be known as a whore.  

“Shhhhh, I see the way you stare at me, even when you think I am not watching” he smirked sinisterly, speaking in hushed tones. 

His digits found their way into your warmth, you shrieked out but he was quick to clamp his hand over your mouth again. Robert grunted out, his fingers sucked into your warm cunt, they wickedly curled inside of you, earning a long deep moan from you. Your thighs shook like leaves in the wind, eyes pleaded for mercy but his lips latched onto the skin of your neck. Robert moaned out in pure desire, his teeth tugged at your flesh.  

“It should have been you, I know you think it too. I will ensure that our future combines as one” Robert determined with a quick nod, his hand slipped down from your mouth.

“Mhmm ahhh, please stop sir, it hurts” you begged. 

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt a small bubble of bliss seem to grow inside of your core. Suddenly, your arms latched around him for support, his jaw hung low as he watched you try to deny the pleasure. You were balling your eyes out as you tried to stay quiet, the lights flickered over his crazed expression. 

“It eases eventually, stay quiet for me my dearest, let’s not awaken your sister” Robert soothed cruelly as he pushed his fingers completely inside of your clenching walls. You bit onto your lower lip until you drew blood. 

“Robert, please. Have the doctor see her again, tend her back to good health!” you panted out, crying out for mercy for your poor sister. 

Robert exhaled and drew back his coated fingers. Stepping back slightly, you watched in fear as he untied his pants and allowed the fabric to his knees. You gasped, your face cringed as you looked down to his throbbing member being stroked by his hand. 

“But my dearest, don’t you understand?” Robert tilted his head at you. His body pressed up against yours, you felt his member poke against your thigh. “We need her to die so we can marry” he chuckled darkly into your ear.

[samkerrworshipper]

Medication - Leah Williamson

fluff, little bit of angst, anxiety attacks, mentions of depression, 3500 words

balled my eyes out to black fridays by tom odell and then this was birthed.

blurb:

your a rookie on the lionesses squad, who suffers from anxiety and when you stop taking your meds after learning you are starting a game in the euros everything goes downhill for you.

i am so sorry for how vague this was lol i’m writing this and publishing at 2:30 in the morning

I’d never liked gamedays. Everything felt different, all the feelings and emotions heightened. The pressure was insurmountable, especially when you are playing for your nation. Especially when you are one of the youngest, one of the least experienced, one of the youngsters. Today, we were playing Norway, my first game as a Lioness where I was a part of the starting line-up. It was a must win game, the stakes were high for us to win these Euro’s, especially considering it was a home euro’s for us. If we wanted to progress to the finals we couldn’t lose, the pressure was on.

I’d understood that as soon as I’d been notified that I was to start the match, understood that everything changed as soon as you were actually on the pitch. Our one point win over Austria had been great, but we were all hungrier for more, hungrier for the points that we needed to get us ahead in the competition. Sarina knew that there was an expectation for us to win, we all knew that.

I’d been feeling it all week, feeling the anxiety thrumming through my veins as we practised and went about our normal routine for the week. Something was different, it was my first year as a senior Lioness and I’d never been named as a starter. That was a big deal, a really big deal. That was all I could think about. What if I fucked it up? What if I messed up and they told me that I wasn’t going to be welcome back. What if Sarina saw me on the pitch and thought that I was worthless, useless, bad. That was all I could think about as we were standing in the tunnel getting ready to walk out. I was sandwiched in between Lucy and Beth. My hands shaking in my pockets and my breath quickening subconsciously. If I wasn’t aware of it then apparently the defender behind me was, because just as we were about to walk out I felt one of her hands fall to my shoulder, pulling me back into her just enough for her to be able to press her mouth to my ear and whisper,

“You’ve got this amore, you’re going to do perfectly fine,” Lucy’s voice was so strong, but so comforting. She was like an older sister to me, and had been since my first day at training camp. She had been the first person to believe in me besides my Arsenal teammates, the first person to really advocate for my future. She was also the first person on the Lionesses team besides Leah to learn about my struggles with anxiety, adhd and depression. She’d been a light in my life, texted me to make sure I was keeping up with my medication, or just to check in.

In the wake of the Euro’s I’d stopped taking my anxiety meds. I took Lorazepam, which worked really well for me, but it also tended to make me really drowsy and fatigued. Things that are not ideal when you are training and playing almost everyday for your country. It had positive effects, I definitely found it a lot easier to train and play my hardest, but there were a lot of negatives. Like how I was feeling right now. Like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my hands getting clammy with sweat and shaking non stop like I’d just shot up on steroids. The sound of the crowd at Brighton didn’t help either as we walked out onto the pitch. I struggled to get through the national anthem and the pre game pleasantries, my chest and body hurting from the anxiety that was building up inside of my body.

I was grateful but also not to step out on the pitch properly. It felt like I was on a different planet, my senses overly heightened and my brain short circuiting almost everything.

I could feel Leah’s gaze on me as we all lined up to start the game, she worried about me, a lot. I was also her Arsenal teammate and she’d taken me under her wing beyond football, we’d become very close in our time spent together. I ignored her sidewards glances though, tasking myself with showing our nation that I deserved to be where I was and some jitters weren’t going to affect that.

My first half was rocky, normally with the mixture of adrenaline and endorphins my anxiety subsided when I started playing but this time I must have been too far gone, too much pent up anxiety built up for it to just fade away. It reflected in how I was playing, but our forwards had been flawless, slotting in six goals which put us in a lead that was pretty much untouchable. Clambering into the rooms at halftime was a charade. Everyone besides myself seemed ecstatic and hyped about our lead, I was on the inside but I was also wrapped up in my own bubble. I took a seat on the floor of the change rooms, taking in Serena’s speech about keeping our heads and just continuing what we were doing. I allowed Lucy to pass me a drink bottle, obliging her request for me to hydrate myself. She could tell something was up, she’d been hovering around me on the pitch, covering me. When one of the Norwegian girls had taken my feet out from under me she had immediately been at my side, pulling me up and then yelling at the umpire about how it had clearly been a foul if not a yellow. Leah had to pull her away just to ensure Lucy wouldn’t get carded herself, all whilst I stood there absolutely helpless as result of the amount of effort I was having to put into not collapsing from the amount of pain in my chest.

Leah kept it pretty brief after Serena, sticking to what she’d said and putting an emphasis on a few things before we headed back out. She managed to snag a grip on my jersey though as I trailed with the girls at the back of the group.

“Are you okay?” There was a little bit of captain in it, but it was mostly gentle, her voice a little bit rugged from the amount of yelling she’d done on the field.

“I’m fine.” Her facial expression was enough to tell me she didn’t believe a word I was saying.

“I’m telling Serena to sub you off, you clearly don’t look well enough to be playing.”

“I told you I feel fine Cap, I can play out the rest of the 90, please let me play it out.”

Leah looked conflicted, conflicted with what to do and how to react to my plea. I wasn’t one who begged very often, I didn’t see the point in it.

“Fine but y/n, as soon as anything happens out there, you put yourself in danger or someone else in danger you are going off, understood?”

I didn’t have any other option but to nod at Leah.

“Yes, captain.”

My voice had held some sarcasm as I tore her hand from the bottom of my jersey and started jogging back up the tunnel to catch up with girls that I’d previously been chatting to.

The last ten minutes of the second half was when bad transitioned to really not good. My body began to catch up with my over exertion and every second on the field became a battle. It was a blessing that the ball wasn’t really travelling down my end, Less and Toony had both been substituted in and were having a field day in our forward half kicking it back and forth to run the clock down. The Norwegian girls were giving it their best but you could tell they knew it was over. As the minutes passed though and we went into extra time I could feel my body really starting to get heavier, you could blame it on the lack of hydration and the english heat that we were playing in but I knew it was my body betraying me. I’d been denying my body for too long and it was catching up with me. I didn’t even know how many minutes of extra time we had, my vision was slowly blurring, my steps becoming wobbly and the pain in my chest becoming overbearing.

I could hear my opponent, I think it was Maren, or was it Guro? Asking me if I felt alright. I didn’t really comprehend it though, I couldn’t hear anything properly, it felt like I was underwater, my ears ringing out and my vision blacking over as I fell face first into the turf. Maren managed to catch me before I fully face planted into the grass, helping my limp form down to the ground before starting to yell out for help. It was then of course that the whistles blew and the match ended. I could make out the sounds of the crowd going nuts, maybe even my teammates on the sidelines yelling in triumph. I couldn’t open my eyes though and I definitely couldn’t make out the voice of Maren on the ground beside me trying to ask me questions and attract the attention of a medic. It was all mellowed out as my body succumbed to a coma like state that I’d forced myself into.

Leah and Lucy were the first two from my own team to locate me, passed out on the ground with Maren trying to provide as much privacy for me as possible whilst also pressing her hand to my throat to make sure that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. It was Maren, Guro had been subbed off at the 84’ minute mark. I remembered that because I’d silently been wishing at the time that Serena would do the same, but she’d made her final changes and taking me off apparently hadn't been one of them.

“Y/n, can you open your eyes for me? Or squeeze my hand?”

I could feel Leah’s own hand fall into mine and I squeezed it as best as I could, it was enough for me to tell her that I was conscious enough to make out what she was saying to me.

“Good y/n/n, the medics are about to be here, can you try and open your eyes and talk for me?”

I tried my hardest to crack my eyes open, when I did finally muster up the will to open one of them I was met with the brightness of the stadium lights. I groaned almost immediately, being forced to take in my surroundings. I was surrounded by our trainers, who were draping different towels over my body in an attempt to cool me down and cover me. My cleats had been removed from my feet and someone was soaking my socks in cold water, something that I was not pleased to be awakened by.

“Good sweetheart, stay focused on me yeah, eyes on me.”

My eyes snapped back up to Leah, who was crouched above my head, Serena and Lucy’s heads were beside her own, staring down at me.

“The medics are going to come look at you and you are going to let them, okay?”

I almost immediately shook my head at Leah but she kept her jaw clenched and her stern face up.

“I’m not asking y/n, you just passed out on the field, you need to be assessed.”

I shook my head again and Leah rolled her eyes at me.

“An-n-xiety.”

I could hardly make out my own words in the stadium full of noise and the words themselves made me realise how much I was struggling to regulate my own breaths.

Leah nodded knowingly, suddenly everything seemed to come into perspective for her.

“You stopped taking your medication, didn’t you?”

I gulped and nodded at her, trying to block out all of the distractions that were happening around me. She looked annoyed at me, I cowered a little bit with the glare that she was giving me. After the last time I went on a sabbatical from my medication I swore to Leah I would never do it again.

As the medics crouched down next to me I shut my eyes again, it all becoming too much for my head. I let the medics fuss over me, I blacked out somewhere in between them putting me on a stretcher and getting me off the pitch.

I reawakened with sweat dripping down my body, all of the oxygen depleting from my body and my chest aching like it never had before. I choked a little bit as I sat up from my spot, gasping for air to enter my lungs. It took me a few seconds to recognise where I was, sitting inside the makeshift medical room at Brighton. My head was pounding and my whole body was aching.

“Y/n, look at me, you're having an anxiety attack, deep breaths.”

“Wh-what.” The words came out in a gasp as I struggled to take in any air, looking at Leah for guidance.

“We’re at Brighton, we just played Norway, you had an anxiety episode on the pitch. You’re having an attack right now, I need you to take deep breaths, follow me, in and out.”

I watched Leah as she exaggerated some deep breaths, if it hadn't been for the circumstance I probably would have laughed at her.

As I slowly started to take in more air she tried a different tactic.

“Good y/n/n, your doing so well my good girl. Can you tell me five things you can see?”

It was deflection, something that Leah had picked up on from her therapist.

“Serena, you, the light, Lucy and a drink bottle.”

Leah nodded at me encouragingly, rubbing slowly up my back as she continued.

“Good, you’re doing so well, how about four things you can feel?”

“Your breath, the scratchy blanket, my wet socks and I don’t know.”

My words were still choken as I used up whatever oxygen I was taking in to get the words out.

“That’s okay, that’s good, you are doing so well for me angel, how about three things you can hear?”

I tried to focus fully on Leah, on her words, her rubbing my back, her breath against my neck.

“Serena tapping her shoe, the heart monitor and the music from the changeroom.”

It was faint but if you focused in enough you could just hear the sound of my teammates in the change rooms, getting up to god knows that with the absence of their captain and manager.

“Perfect, you are doing absolutely perfectly. How about two things you can smell?”

“Antiseptic and your perfume.”

“Good, last one, one thing you can taste.”

I could feel my breath and body evening itself out, it felt like I was a piece of linen that was slowly but surely being ironed out, all of the crinkles and creases leaving my body.

“I don’t know.”

“Last one y/n, I know you can do it.”

“Metal, the iron taste from blood.”

Leah nodded at me, plastering a kiss on my forehead. Her words and actions being enough to bring me back down to earth fully. I very slowly took in my surroundings properly, Serena, Lucy and Keira were all sitting at the end of my bed, watching as Leah did her thing. I was hooked up to a few different things, cords and wires poking out of my extremities. A saline drip, heart monitor and another machine that I wasn’t sure the purpose of.

“Hey my girl, you back here with us now?”

I pushed my head into Leah’s chest, trying to hide from the world that I was now a participating member of.

“No hiding, not here,”

I groaned as Leah pushed me out of her chest, annoyed by the loss of contact and the confrontation of having to be put in front of some of the people I respected most.

“You gave us a fright back there, I think you came close to killing Maren.”

I gulped nervously, hanging onto every word that left Serena’s mouth, just bobbing my head in agreement because what else was I supposed to do.

“M’ sorry, didn’t mean to, just wanted to prove that I deserved to be here.”

Serena’s face held a kind of understanding, like she’d seen girls before me who had been the same, willing to die to prove their worth to the dutchwoman who we all regarded so highly.

“You wouldn’t be here in the first place if you didn’t deserve to be. It’s one thing to push yourself but to the point where you black out on the field is another thing. If it ever happens again y/n y/l/n then I can swear to you now that you will be benched, am I understood.” I nodded meekly at Serena,

“Yes ma’am.”

She nodded at me, she’d gotten her point across.

“Leah tells me this happened as a result of you not taking your medication?”

I pushed my head back into Leah’s chest, grunting at her when she pushed me out of it. I couldn’t do much else but nod at Serena.

“I get side effects ma’am, it makes me drowsy and sleepy, I didn’t want it to affect my game.”

Serena was very quick to fire back at me,

“You take medication to ensure that you feel well, there is no shame in that. If you are having a problem with side effects then you are to bring it up with one of our doctors, not boycott your medication entirely. From now on I am going to be responsible for your medication, you will come to me everyday to take it so I can ensure that you are receiving the correct doses so something like this does not occur again, is that understood?”

I gulped and nodded at Serena. She smiled at me knowingly in return.

“You are an elite athlete y/n, it is imperative that you care for your body. Or something like this happens, something with such magnitude that it can’t be overlooked. Your health and wellbeing comes first, always.”

I nodded at Serena once again, allowing her to give me a hug before leaving the room to give us some privacy. As soon as the door closed behind her I shed a few tears, I hated confrontation, it was one of my biggest fears.

“She’s right y’know, this could have been a lot worse, what if you’d put yourself in a really dangerous position because you were in a bad headspace and ended up seriously injured, you can’t just stop taking your medication randomly y/n, it’s not safe.”

Leah’s voice was murmured against my forehead, her lips staying plastered to the oily and cold skin.

“No one else on the team relies on medication to function, I thought I would be fine, I feel so stupid always being the one having to rely on shit to get through the day.”

I could feel Leah rolling her eyes from above me.

“No one else on the team struggles with intense anxiety and depression like you do, we are all different, we all function differently. There is no shame in needing medication y/n/n, Lucy uses an asthma puffer, does that make her stupid?”

I looked over at Lucy, it was different.

“No but it’s different.”

“How?”

Leah’s answer was fired back at me and I struggled slightly to recover from her sudden reply,

“Lucy has a physical problem, mine’s just in my head.”

“What you went through today seemed pretty physical to me.”

I was stumped by that answer, looking across at Kiera and Lucy who nodded along with what Leah was saying.

“You struggle with your mental health, there is no shame in that. You rely on medication. So what? Good for you for listening to your body and acknowledging that you need that to help you make it through the day. Y/n, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using medication to help you. If I felt sick, with the flu, and I needed antibiotics or whatever, would you think that I was weak for using them?”

I shook my head at Leah almost immediately, the question was a no brainer for me,

“Exactly, because I’d be taking the medication needed to keep me well and functioning. All you are doing is the same thing y/n, keeping yourself alive and well.”

[vampiretendencies]

come out and haunt me, i know you want me — jj maybank࿐

summary; putting words in jj’s mouth after an unexpected pregnancy has you uneasy about the future of your relationship along with a gnawing emptiness of what jj will think. warnings; pregnancy, one mention of throwing up, suggestive, talks of sex, fluff, all of my characters are always aged up but they had to be in school for this so i set them in high school, as seniors, making them 18. this takes place somewhat in season 3, except JJ’s house never got the eviction notice and they went back to school. also mention of luke. did it this way cause i felt like i was i need of a new setting other the chateau (rip it will be missed :/) pairing; jj maybank x fem!pregnant!reader authors note; decided to put this one out, as i have gotten a lot of requests about dad!jj and i’m giving them a separate masterlist of their own. i figured they needed to be in order lol. so i guess in a way this can be considered the first of dad!jj series. cred to gif owner !

You’re spiraling over the life forming inside of you and JJ—oddly enough is fretting about his class project final. Something that would usually be of no concern to JJ, but he actually wants to pass senior year.

Building an ancient, time-consuming model of some old landscape and having an actual child were two completely different things. From opposite worlds and of varying natures.

Spontaneous cravings all the way down to a late period.

It’s instinct really, to skip school and confirm your suspicions— though, it’s pretty much certain. JJ caught on half way throughout the school day, so wrapped up in this project that he hadn’t noticed you slipping away. Sneaking out of the exit door after throwing up rancid lunch. If he was aware, there’s not a doubt that he would have followed. He was the one that showed you that escape route from the hell site on a monday long ago when school was too much to bare— that was when the two were freshmen, for now they are seniors carrying the weight of the future on their shoulders, including the plus one in your belly.

You’d sobbed profusely into your knees, they were pulled all the way up to your chest on that tiled floor. The detrimental pregnancy test, with two lines, is sat atop JJ’s bathroom counter, taunting you in a manner of ‘now you have to face me.’ Debating whether or not to take this as life altering or life shattering. You knew JJ like every crevice in the palm of his hand, but you could never be set on his reaction for something like this. Always prominent in his ways about 'being in this for the long run', could having a baby change that?

You had to tell him, there was no other way around it. For it's always been a do tell promise that nothing goes unsaid in the relationship.

"What the fuck am I gonna' do?" Is all that curses past your lips repeatedly through choked tears.

The tears are not for the tiny being inside you; its fear. The fear of the unknown, or the uncertainty. So young, so much ahead. A small sliver of a thought that maybe you'd have to do this alone.

Your heart almost falls to the heals of your feet at the doors opening and closing, and the throwing down of book bags. Shakily pressing your finger to the phone that's beside you, the time reading 2:30 PM, meaning school was over and you'd have to get your act together to face JJ. Whom, had left you several missed calls and text messages concerning your whereabouts. Even so, it would be of no surprise to JJ that you were here; basically, here every day and home when you had to be, that's how the story goes. It's imaginable that you'll be sticking around as often as you'd be able to, because telling your parents would indefinitely make them disown you. Having a baby with the Luke Maybank's son and the towns 'well-known kleptomaniac' wouldn't exactly be music to their ears. The only positive in that picture is that Luke's not around, you and JJ have been slumming it in his childhood home since. You'd helped him fix it up so that it would be 'livable', and he adored that someone would cherish him that much to do such things. He'll have another form of adoration, soon enough though.

"JJ, a beer is not gonna' help you get this shit done."

You could hear John B mumble at JJ, and as it would to most curiosity strikes. Taking in the push and pull of the standard refrigerator, not far away, the bathroom, kitchen, and living room all but feet away from each other. Easy access to eavesdrop and hear whatever words were to slither out of someone's mouth. God, you swore the walls were bound to cave in and topple atop of you. You picture John B's mouth agape and disgusted at JJ's lack of focus.

"Get's my brain goin', y'know."

His voice that you'd usually get giddy everywhere from hearing, is now taunting you; making your insides turn to mush. Quick to your feet, you clamp your ear to the chipped door whilst fixing your disheveled hair in the mirror, by tucking it behind your ear and wiping away the salty tears with pad of your thumb. Something JJ would do impulsively. As well as, the little pink and white stick that's knocking the breath from your lungs and tucking it in the back pocket of your printed shorts.

"You ready to start?" John B sighs exasperatedly. Aware that his best friend is never prepared for anything. You aren't sure of what they are 'starting' but you can't help but wonder if JJ's caught on, if he's noticed the tendencies you've acquired since becoming pregnant. Already being hesitant on telling him of the stick you peed on, or that this is going to dictate the course of the rest of his life. Is the new formation of hormones within you causing you to twist words or is it plain truth?

One could only hope.

"M'not even ready yet, need to do so much stuff before I'm ready."

It stings; like multiple daggers had been chided at your heart or a million bee's attacking. This only makes since that he's referring to not wanting to be a father, right? What else could he possibly not be ready for? It's assuming, it's jumping to conclusions, but right now it makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything else. JJ's capable of eons of things, being stuck with you and a baby for the rest of his life may not be in his peripheral. He's confirming it right now, you just heard it with your own two ears.

Unbeknownst to you it was a about a damn silly school project and that he would've stretched time and space to keep his profound little family in one piece. If only he'd known. If only you'd told him.

There were no supplies, no class instructions, to justify that it was only a monumental historic copy for Mr. Sunn's class. Just conversation.

You physically can't allow the words to come out of your mouth, for it will be in the form of word vomit after his resonating and everlasting statement. You can't face him, no, not about the life he helped form. Too soon, and too much. Selfishly, he's not ready but you want to hang onto him a little longer. With JJ is where you reside, and you desire to bury the love he's giving you and harvest it deep down; enough for two. He's not prepared, and all you're hearing is this is this the end of all you've ever known.

World record for misunderstandings.

John B was on the verge of speaking, yet he doesn't when the bathroom door creeks open. You appear in frame, a shell of the person you were moments ago, unevident that you'd shed enough tears for a small river. The hiding is beginning, you decide to swallow it down and keep it there. Dreaming up all the ways you'd have to conceal as huge a secret as this.

Trepidation; of JJ, and for yourself and the baby; blistering, mirroring that of an open scar.

"Is that my girl?!"

You're met with John B sprawled out on the vacant leather couch, another thing Luke destroyed alike with JJ. And, JJ's practically jumping from the recliner and swarming you in a hug that makes you form a half enticing grin whilst smothering you into his large chest. His sleeveless arms bulking in size at this gesture.

"Great, now we really aren't gonna' get anything done," John B grabs at his temples in annoyance. The partnered project supposed to be the focus of today. Conscious of the fact that anytime you are around JJ loses all logic because you become the center of attention. As if half his brain flies out the window he's so invested in you, rather than anything else. He gives up on any aspiration that this replica will be finished. You still saunter on about what exactly they 'have to get done', but they are almost always up to something. JJ's out of context words were what gave need be, and you were fixed on that.

"What happened today? Been thinkin' about you like crazy."

"Nurse sent me home."

You fib so harshly that is burns past your lips, the lie is so loud you're amazed he didn't see through it. You mumble into his chest has him releasing you, only to cup your cheeks in a squishing manner. He’s disastrously anguished to maul you with affection, but he decided to spare John B the show.

"Everything alright?"

And he tries to read your wandering eyes, but still taut eye contact is there so he thinks nothing of it. It is when you won't look at him that he's concerned, however you still do.

An 'act normal' practically engraved in your thoughts. When you really want to break away from his hold and run for the hills.

"Just a bad lunch."

"Yeah, that school meatloaf'll get you, baby."

Blonde fluffed out tresses catch glance and your mixed up mind is pondering on what color hair the baby will have. Will the small child be a constant reminder that their dad 'wasn't ready?" Stood together in the open space of his connecting hallway, you'll look back on this in utter agony.

"She told me to rest."

You mutter it softly whilst JJ has a stupid lovesick grin plastered on his face, peering down at you like you are his lifeline. And you're peering up at him, with a small glint and awareness that he'd be gone with the wind when you reveal the surreptitious unknown.

"Want me to come with you? I'll have this wrapped up in like ... five minutes," he's eager that you'll say yes, mustering a middle finger at John B who is sighing in vexation. What he would give to pass senior year, John B fully know's he'll have to beg Pope to do this for the both of them.

It's an immediate no, he's 'not ready', therefore a cuddle is the last thing that needs to happen. Maybe if you wouldn't have eavesdropped you could've just lived in ignorance bliss.

Though it was never the truth.

"No!," you somewhat interject, keeping the cause of all this in mind. "No J, m'really tired, finish what you were doing yeah?"

His grin immediately falls to a pout, he can't force you if you won't let him. Instead he says nothing, shaking his head 'yes' with knitted eyebrows. Pulling your cupped cheeks in closer to feather multiple light pecks to your hairline, each one more eternal that the last.

With recollection that you'd be gulping down this hard to swallow pill on your own.

Coping; all you can manage to do.

Between punching multiple hard to find holes in your bedroom walls and covering them up with posters to gut-wrenching, pillow-screaming whimpers.

How does one ever truly 'get ready' for bringing a new life into this sought out world?

You'd been wallowing in the despair of having to be both a mother and a father, with JJ saying such things— it's nearly certain he'll be out of the picture.

Alike with you, avoiding him on any given occasion.

Saturdays were date night and he consistently topped the last date, because even if schedules weren't aligning throughout the week he'd have that day to make it up to you, how ever he saw fit.

You ditched.

Texting something about, 'parents are on my ass, can't come tonght.'

On all occasions you found a way despite your parents thoughts, so JJ's suspicion is growing like immovable fire.

With that being said, a day later, he was secure in providing you with a loving semi-guilt trip, along the lines of 'if you don't come over tonight you are confirming that you don't love me anymore,' with a dauting smiley face.

Such a baby, unfortunate that he's not prepared for one because they would've gotten along just fine.

The reasoning behind why you are hopelessly distant from JJ in his twin sized bed. He's grumbling and mumbling after you pushed him away with a 'm'too hot right now.' Blankets thrown about in such a dimly lit room, his vivdly colored TV played a miscellaneous movie whilst his bedside table lamp joined in with its yellow toned rays.

His arms behind his head, colliding with the headboard in such a sensous way, shirtless figure scanning yours in yearning. Jesus, he just wanted to delve into your skin.

How could he ever resist you.

If he can't consume you with his fondling embrace, he will caress what's in reach.

Touching hard on his thoughts, whilst the likelihood of raising a baby on your own is arising in yours.

It's roaring loudly, along with the reality that you hid it from him.

What would've been the right thing to do?

A wash of panic prods, with JJ's lingering touch now against your skin. His digits dance like clockwork, ghosting your inner thigh. Before you can even retch out a 'stop' he's beneath the material of your old Bait Shop t-shirt that he lended you. Palming the skin expertly, and while he's at it he inches closer with his breath thick against your ear. Your mouth ran dry, lying still and flat in awkwardness, prying your focus on the random film. The small twin bed not giving you enough time or space to come up with another excuse.

"Missed you so much."

His voice is raspy against your ear, igniting every filament of your body that belonged to him. The hold he had on you, sickening and you are conversant with what's about to leave his mouth.

The more he keeps circling, and clinging to the small mound of your stomach, the more his mind goes blank. It had this particular bludge to it and he can writhe it beneath his fingertips. Horror fills your irises, whilst a bewildering form of fascination filled his.

There's no right way to ask as woman if their stomach has gotten bigger or if they've been eating more. That's like asking to get beat with a bat. You just don't.

JJ has foraged every unreachable portion that molds you and that ... that wasn't there.

That undeniable little Goddamn baby bump wasn’t there.

He’s studied you inside and out, and that just wasn’t there.

It’s freshly shaped and growing with glee.

His repeated motions are coming to a halt and they pause directly in the middle. Feeling for what he deemed this to be.

What the fuck? It runs rampant in his mind— not negatively he just doesn’t know what to think, how to say it, or how to not come off as a complete dick by asking what he’s about to ask.

“Your belly is more round than usual.”

Merely thought out, and not too harsh. Just stating the obvious at the rounded baby bump that’s colliding with his calloused ring-clad fingers. The entirety of his large hand sprawled out in separated fingers. He sits straight up, hairs on the nape of his neck screeched outwardly.

“M’ a bit bloated.”

You don’t take his words to heart as it’s obviously not from that. You smile, lying through your teeth once again. And JJ senses it, this is as pregnant a stomach if he’s ever touched one. His hands fall backward, beaming down at you in longing that you’ll change your answer.

“Bloated baby? That’s— that’s not … bloated.”

There’s no interest in continuing on with this facade he’s felt it, he’s not a complete idiot. What informed John B of chants wickedly and is beckoning you not tell him. You’ve found you way back to his room with reason, so what’s the use in hiding it anymore. The bump would’ve become more noticeable anyway, you couldn’t have gotten away with it forever.

“M’pregnant J.”

You are seated upward now, facing him whilst reaching for his large hands to take them into your smaller ones. Shared hands, facing eachother in criss crossed stances on that same old twin mattress. He shakes his head back in forth in disbelief— how is this real?

“W-what?! When did you find out? How?— shit. I mean I know how … there was the time in the bathroom at the Wreck … and that one time in the twinkie … and-and let’s not forget about the time in the kitchen-“

“J, that’s not important right now, focus.”

You remind in interruption, nagging off his antics about the shared sexual rendezvous. The only only thing … the only fucking thing JJ feels right now is sheer euphoria at the moment he gets to meet the little baby.

Always envisioning of being a father and giving his children all the love he had stored away from the beckoning of Luke. The love he got from his father was convenient love, and after every fight his dreams of the future family he could have grew tenfold.

“We’re having a fuckin’ baby?!”

The fact the you didn’t tell him beforehand is in the back of his mind, but he’s overlooking it in sheer elation. Joy for what’s to come. For even that promise to tell each other everything is not enough to ruin this moment for him.

“Yes, J.”

“Let me see!”

He’s anxiously lifting the bottom of the shirt up, revealing a plump baby bump purging outwordly. And a toothy shit eating grin is plastered on his sweet lips, awe is evident and he’s stricken with amazement. You couldn’t have asked for a better reaction, a better lover. Breezing past the part of him not being ready, because clearly you read into things too deeply if this is his truthful response. And it is, it’s so genuine you feel it in your bones. As he’s colliding his hands with your stomach once more, and connecting his lips with yours in celebration. Molding and mixing them together with ease, an effortless depiction of besot.

If only he could frame this and let it drift on for eternity.

“Carrying our baby so perfect, pretty girl.”

Letting this little heavenscent angel inside of you be a reminder that misunderstandings are a bitch.

reblog to support your favorite writers | © 2023 IDCNTLIKEDARNKNESS

[deathblacksmoke]

this modern love | part 1

Pairing: Nick Folio x OFC (Natalia/Nat)

Summary: Nat heard all the stories about Nick long before she ever knew him. Though she tries her best to steer clear, things complicate themselves when she finds herself beginning to fall for him.

Word Count: 1.8K

CW: college au, friends with benefits, friends to lovers, annoying college gossip, p in v sex, mention of f receiving oral sex (content warnings will be updated by chapter)

Author's Note: @caitcoreeeee and an anon requested smutty folio friends to lovers and i went a little overboard. thank you to my dearest sweet baby angels @darksigns-exe and @circle-with-me for their endless support (read: hand-holding) as i navigate through this.

dividers by @saradika-graphics 🩵

title from “this modern love” by bloc party.

She’s heard it all: the whispered half-truths in locker rooms and study groups. They’re all so shameless, exchanging their stories like they’re not even talking about a human being. They make him sound like a blast, a character — it’s almost enough to pique her curiosity about what a night with Nick Folio is really like.

It’s an accident when she stumbles upon him, a chance meeting when she’s on shift driving the campus shuttle. It’s the end of her shift but still early in the night, and he’s the only one needing to be picked up from the bar at 8:30, seemingly still sober. He insists on sitting up front, stealing the aux for the 8 minute drive, and swiping her phone to put in his number. She finds herself dumbfounded when he skips up the steps of his dingy off-campus house moments later, his laugh still echoing in her head.

When she finds herself lying in bed, unable to sleep, she can’t say what it is that makes her dial his number. She’s more surprised than she should be when he arrives not 30 minutes later, snacks and drinks piled high in both arms.

It’s easy with him — easier than she’s ever found it with anyone else. They overlap on so many things, like marching band, though he’s still on the drumline and she gave it up after her junior year of high school. Their love of sports, their taste in music, their favorite silly tv shows. They sit chatting for 3 hours before she notices time passing. It’s so easy with him.

She can’t help herself when he pleads so sweetly to get between her thighs. It’s barely even a question when she tells him of course; his mouth feels so nice on hers that she wants to feel it absolutely everywhere. She decides early on that she’ll let him inside of her another time, probably the moment he asks. Until then, she finishes on his tongue with a garbled groan of his name.

They’re curled up in bed, sleeping on and off, when he gets a frantic call from his roommate: drunk as fuck and lost his keys and no one else is answering their phones. He wavers for a long moment, his gaze shifting to her and back away, and ultimately leaves her with a lingering kiss and a promise to text. Like a gentleman, he does, the moment he arrives back home.

It’s only when she opens Instagram the morning after that she makes the connection — nick_folio has requested to follow you, and he has the same sweet face as the boy who she fell for the night before. She thinks back to all the filthy, overshared, overheard stories she’s heard in the locker room after rugby practice, connects them to the cute and sweet boy from her van and her bed, and she feels her heart sink.

She decides to cut her losses — his follow request goes unaccepted, his good morning text unanswered.

“Nat!”

She’d successfully avoided him for 3 days. She’s only steps away from where she’s going, and could easily pretend not to hear him, take a turn, and lose him. Honestly, there’s a bubbling excitement in her tummy the moment she hears his voice. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to keep herself from stopping in her tracks and turning to greet him with a smile.

His jog slowed as he sees that she’s staying put. He stops in front of her, hangs on his sides and winded, and she’s never felt more endeared towards someone in her life. She’s completely fucked.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says with a laugh. She can’t decide whether an apology is the correct course of action. Luckily, he doesn’t give her the opportunity to respond. “Come get lunch with me?”

She considers it for a long moment — having lunch with him is the exact opposite of her plan, and she’s missed enough hours of her lecture that another absence will set her further behind than she likes. Just as she’s about to make an excuse, her tummy grumbles, an effect of her skipped breakfast. He smirks. He knows he has her.

“Come on, we can use my dining dollars,” he proposes. It’s a silly offer, considering she has plenty of her own, but she finds herself giving him a shy little grin and accepting his hand anyway.

Completely. Fucked.

She spends the next few weeks wary, but ultimately unable to keep herself away from him. She meets him in the library to study when he asks, they have a standing Tuesday lunch date, countless movie nights, and chats into the early hours of the morning. More often than not, he takes the passenger seat when she’s working a shuttle shift alone.

He’s so smooth with his answers when any of his friends pile into the van and spot him next to her. Every now and again, his words turn her stomach.

“Spending a lot of time with Natalia, aren’t ya, Foli?” they ask, an edge of taunting in her tone that makes her feel sick, less than.

“Of course I am. Nat’s the best,” he responds earnestly and without pause. There’s no room for it to be laughed off or interpreted as sarcasm or teasing. He isn’t ashamed at all, although their jabs have clearly been made with that intent. She can feel her cheeks burning with unease.

The way he looks at her after always soothes her, equips her with a bravery she doesn’t normally possess — the way that even in front of his friends, he’s proud to be seen enjoying her company. He grazes a finger over her forearm and it calms down her kicked up nerves, disappears her uneasy feelings. She’s proud to be seen enjoying his company, too.

It’s almost an accident the first time they sleep together. To his credit, he keeps his hands to himself, never pushing anything. It’s clear he’s waiting for her to make the first move, but she never doubts that he’s still interested.

She can see it in the way he looks at her, the way he seems to go out of his way to make her comfortable. They’re sitting on his bed watching a movie when she feels a chill — his housemates like to keep the AC lower than she likes. It’s almost instinctual when she tucks herself into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. He doesn’t pause before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer.

“Do you want me to get you an extra blanket?” he asks, rubbing a hand over her arm and shoulder to warm her up. She feels warm from the inside out, in a way a blanket could never give her. It’s him.

“Is this okay instead?” she responds — in place of a reply, she feels his shoulder move as he nods, pulling her closer again.

She catches the faintest glimpse of him when the movie switches scenes, the screen going black for a moment. He doesn’t seem to be paying attention.

She chances a look at him, lifting her head from his shoulder and meeting his pretty brown eyes, the faintest smile. He doesn’t look away embarrassed, or seem to care that he’s been caught. His smile only grows, and she can’t help it. With a gentle hand on his jaw, she brings his face down to hers, pressing their lips together.

He breathes a sigh of relief into her mouth, turning his body to face her and curving a gentle hand around her waist. She didn’t realize how much she wanted this the whole time, to be close to him like this.

It’s dizzying, the way everything goes at her pace. She isn’t used to it, knowing that she can have everything drawn to a stop at any moment, because nothing is happening without her explicit permission.

There isn’t a second thought in her mind when she lays herself back on the bed, pulling him with her. A buzzing erupts beneath her skin when he wraps her leg around his waist — he’s impossibly close.

“I can’t be in a relationship right now,” she pulls away to say, an impulse she almost immediately regrets, but can’t bring herself to retract. There’s a flash of disappointment over his face, only there for a moment before it disappears.

“This can be whatever you want it to be, Natty,” he says, an earnestness in his gaze and in his tone that twists her stomachs and wracks her with guilt. He doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, but she can’t bring herself to push away what she knows, what she’s heard. She can’t keep away from him, either.

She settles, for both hurting him and having him.

“I want you,” she confesses, her hands moving to his belt, gently tugging. She looks up at him, a chance for him to put a stop to everything, put the distance back between them and end it. “Please, Nicky?”

He only pauses for another moment before leaning back down to capture her lips again, unbuckling his belt and sliding out of his jeans and boxers with an ease that seems practiced. She doesn’t let herself focus on it, only removing her sweats and panties, discarding them somewhere before drawing him back in.

She reaches blindly behind her, fishing around in his nightstand and hoping he’s the responsible type, relieved to feel the foil packet beneath her fingers.

Everything moves so quickly, she barely has time to breathe. Her focus is shot by the finality of crossing this line with him, the realization that they fit together like puzzle pieces when he’s sheathed inside of her.

She hadn’t noticed her tears falling, not until the gentle rock of his hips slows to a stop, his thumb brushing the wetness away from her cheeks.

“You okay, Natty?” he asks, concern lacing his normally cheerful tone. She finds herself nodding, though the tears don’t stop to match her assurance. “Promise? Do you want me to stop?”

She shakes her head immediately, reassuring him with a please don’t stop. She tries to push away her fears, let herself be present in the moment, lose herself to the feeling of him and his scent flooding her senses.

Even as he draws her orgasm from her effortlessly, her anxiety still remains the overtone of everything.

“Are you going to hate me now?” she asks him after, when they’re lying together. She feels rigid, unable to relax into his hold. His hands are unsure, shaky where they settled on her warmed skin.

“I could never hate you, Natty,” Nick responds, a gentle kiss placed to her temple. “Okay? Not ever.”

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[spellwell]

only mine || Druig

human!Druig x fem!reader

summary: Druig was never the best boyfriend, leaving you to feel indifferent to the idea of staying with him. When you've finally had enough and try and leave your toxic relationship, Druig will do anything to make you stay.

trigger warning: angst, slightly manipulative Druig, cheating, smut, penetration, oral (f receiving), toxic relationship, praise, alcohol consumption.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: I hope you enjoy, just a lil one-shot for an idea I had. Sorry if grammar is not perfect I wrote this quickly. interact for more fics :)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+

A tear ran down your cheek as you watched your boyfriend rest his hand on the small of the anonymous woman's back. The lights of the club lit up around you, but you didn't feel bright at all. Your heart was breaking as the sight unfolded in front of you.

This wasn't a new sight to behold, neither was the sting. You and Druig had been together since high school, now in your second year of college, it's felt like forever. When you two had first met, it was like you were floating. He treated you like you were the only girl in the world. Everyone wanted to either fuck him or be him, except for you. That's what you believe drew him to you.

Druig was always known as a partier and a charmer. All of those traits grew with time, only making it harder. It started with subtle flirting with girls in the high school halls, growing to grabs and winks at parties when he got too drunk. Not only was he a flirty drunk, but a bit of a hot head as well. You knew Druig would never lay a hand on you, but his venom laced barks he called words were unbearable.

-

"God Y/N, it's seriously not that big of a deal. I was jus' talking to her!" Like you totally didn't see his hand brush her ass.

"Would you quit looming over me! I'm not even that drunk, you're bein' way too much right now! God you're so annoying." If you hadn't been there he would have fallen and cracked his head.

-

You on the other hand always tried to do your best by Druig. You loved him so much, you forgave and over-looked so many things for him. Not everything was so bad after all, he was your first kiss, first lover, even your first date and he meant everything to you.

So here you were as usual, standing off to the side of this club watching your boyfriend who comes over every 30 minutes to kiss you on the cheek. You didn't even know why tears still spilled when you'd see it.

Your eyes finally trailed off from the pair, giving you a moment to breathe, knowing that if you went over there he'd just holler, he was hammered.

When your eyes reluctantly returned, your face went beat red, the tears now pouring out in pairs. He was kissing her, on the lips, nearly falling over her, grabbing at any flesh he could. Your legs practically carried you out of the door of the club, thumping against your lovers shoulder as you left.

"Y/N... Y/N wait!" Was all you heard over the music as Druig whipped around, discarding the woman he was playing with. He knew it was you from the smell of the perfume he loved so much and the soft sob that left your lips.

Any plea or apology that came out of his mouth went in one ear and out the other. "Fuck!" His voice was booming and distressed, realizing he wasn't going to get a word.

He had followed you for a while before giving up, accepting that nothing he could shout after you would make you budge. The tears continued to burn her now raw cheeks as the approached the street her apartment was on. Pain was the only thing you felt as defeat and heartbreak over came you. That was the last straw and even though it would hurt, no body deserves to be treated like this.

-

Some time passed, allowing you to calm down and gather your thoughts that still felt so jumbled. It didn't take long before the dreaded knock came thundering on your door. "Baby... babe please... Baby, i'm begging you, open the door, just talk to me please." You knew it was him before he even spoke. With every word he said your heart tugged some more. Words could not form on your tongue and the palms of your hands began to sweat. "Y/N!" he boomed out in sobs, continuing to abuse your apartment door. "I can't take this darlin', don't you leave me!"

The same sobs and words he always spoke, almost like he didn't actually think you'd do it. Annoyance began to stir inside of you, setting aside your sadness. With a huff, you stood up towards the door.

As the door flew open, you were met with a very disheveled Druig, still tispy but much more coherent. Your mouth hung open to speak but all that came out was a choked out sob. "My love..." His voice came out soft, almost pathetically.

"No Druig!" Your voice cut him off before anything else could be said. "You can't take this? I can't take this!" Your voice broke through hard sobs, fists balling to your sides. Your eyes fell to the floor below you, "I... I won't do this anymore Dru..." Your eyes now lifting and meeting his concerned gaze. "I just can't be with you anymore..."

The words sat in the atmosphere for a moment, vibrating off the walls of the tension.

All you wanted to do was shut the door in his face and hide, afraid that you'd fold to the man you love at any minute. Eye contact was avoided as your hand came to shut the door.

The sound boomed as his hand caught the wooden door, quick steps making their way behind you. Your feet couldn't have moved faster as you reached for the door knob of your bedroom. "Y/N.. baby... no" he spoke sternly yet softly as his hand grasped for yours, a little less softly.

You attempted to pull away, weak from the mental breakdown you felt like having. "hey..." he trailed off, now pulling you forward in a more gentle nature, towards him. "Don't say that.. don't-don't do that my love you're mine."

His voice had a tension to it but he continued to speak with laces of honey. "Say somethin'.." Your chest was now flush to his, his hand moving up to rub your wrist, up to your arm.

"Dru...I can't...I-" Another sob broke your words in two. The tears flew down your face, cheeks red and lips puffy. The grasp he had on your arm released, moving around your hips. He held you close, burying his face in your hair like it was the last time he'd feel it on his cheeks. Your arms wrapped around him in return, wanting comfort from the one you love even if it was his fault your eyes poured.

"I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..." Soft kisses left his lips, planting themselves on your head. "I'll change, all for you, you're everythin' to me. She was nothin', absolutely nothin'..." His head hooked down, continuing to whisper sweet nothings in your ear to calm you down

You never understood why but the manipulation of your feelings came so easily to Druig. He always knew how to touch you and what to say to calm your nerves even when they were towards him. Your breathe evened, fully beginning to submit to the man before you, like you had done so many times.

His hands now trailed up and down the small of your back, gripping slightly at the tops of your hips. "You have to be mine, I don't want anyone else touchin' my girl.." His tone darkened, staying at your ear. His breathe fanned gently against your neck, making your knees weak and stomach bunch. His fingers tugged and felt at the end of the tight shirt you wore. You wore all black, just for him, knowing he loved it.

"Did you wear my favorite shirt just for me darlin'?" A small chuckle left his lips making goose bumps appear on the nape of your neck. His face now moved to press his forehead against yours, your heartbeat and breathe now quickening due to your arousal and nerves. "Yes..." It came as barley a whisper, still feeling the desire to please your man.

His teeth bit softly at his lip, a small smirk apparent. "Good." His voice stern yet sweet, eyes now locked with yours. His hands made it's way to cup your face in hand, gently rubbing at the tear stains on your cheeks. "No need to cry beautiful... I'll always be all yours." The words themselves almost threatened to make tears bud as you became completely immersed in Druig once again.

His lips fell onto yours gently at first, passion growing by the second. "And you will always be mine. Have you seen the way men look at you gorgeous? They can't have you." A small whine left your lips as he broke the kiss, pushing your bedroom door open. He backed you up slowly and softly towards your bed as another deep kiss filled your senses.

You took a soft fall to the bed as he pushed you towards it, now looming over you as if you were some kind of prey. "Oh darlin', your not leaving me, I haven't had my way with you yet." A comfortable burn and tingle entered your core at his words. His arms come up to pull the leather jacket he was wearing to be discarded on the floor. His shirt was tight against his body, showing every inch of him that you loved.

"Dru..." Your voice just above a whisper, coming out as a breathless moan. His shirt came off next, to join his jacket. Your eyes scanned his torso, making you bite the inside of your lip. "Sit up." His voice coming out demanding. As you sat up he dropped to his knees in front of you, never breaking eye contact. He licked his lips before running his hands up your thighs and up to the hem of your shirt.

You watched him closely as you followed his silent direction to pull off the shirt, even if it was his favorite. His hands moved up your now exposed sides as he leaned up and in closer to your chest, giving each breast a soft kiss. Your eyes felt trained to stay on his, his hands running now up your back, skillfully unclasping your bra.

With the last layer from your torso gone, his hands moved up to kneed at your mounds before taking a bud in between his lips and giving it a teasing suckle. A breathe escaped your lungs faster than you were prepared for as your eyes fluttered. He didn't forget to give the other bud attention, leaving marks on his way, before dipping back down where you wanted him most.

He started to grow impatient, pulling your shorts and panties off in one go. Suddenly his patience returned, parting your legs slightly, nipping at the most sensitive part of your thigh. You jolted, him pulling you farther into his face, now inches away from your core.

"Is this what you want?" He said, almost chuckling at your desperation, your hips rocking, gradually trying to reach his lips. He hummed, leaving a quick stripe of his tongue against your folds, making you shutter and whine. He decided you deserve good girl treatment and pressed his face against your pussy that he knew all too well, smiling against your clit. Gasps left your mouth as he began to work at your favorite spot, his hands running up and down the tops of your thighs.

Druig loved seeing you like this, all fucked out and anxious to have something, anything. One of his hands dipped in between your now wet folds from his spit and your arousal, teasing your entrance. "Please... I'll be good." The most clear thing he's heard you say all night. He chuckled against your clit, doing you the honor of entering a finger in you. You continued to beg, moaning at the new feeling. You knew the more you begged the more he liked it and the more he gave you.

Your body began to shake and the knot in your stomach started to unfold as you gripped the base of his brown locks. Your body fell back into the bed making him groan and stop all motion. A whine left your lips, feeling overstimulated from the denial of your orgasm. Your mouth opened but nothing but sounds could escape.

"I like to watch you fall apart." He said lustfully but sternly. He gave your now puffy clit a few hard taps before pulling your torso back up, now looking into your eyes. "You keep your eyes open and look at me, understood?" You nodded quickly begging for release. That didn't seem to be enough, his face still cold staring you down. "Yes! Yes, I understand." This made his expression change to delight, his head dipping back down and finally giving you what you needed.

His name fell from your lips as his fingers worked perfectly, re-building your orgasm quickly. Druig grinned, listening to his name being chanted like a prayer as your walls squeezed and convulsed around his digits. Keeping your promise you held onto his arms to hold you up, never breaking eye contact.

Once he helped ride out your orgasm, he leaned up, placing his lips on yours making you taste yourself. Moans fell into his mouth from yours as he pushed you back down gently onto the bed, now biting at your neck.

Watching you fall apart made him eager to make you fall apart again. He made quick work of his pants and boxers, tossing them aside before coming back down to your level. He brought you into a passionate kiss, running his hands against the slick of your wet folds, collecting some and pumping his cock with it. "I love you, I love you" He chanted a few times in her ear, running his length in between your folds. Pleas and whines left your lips as you felt the familiar feeling of him sinking into you. Your head fell back, a soft groan leaving Druig's lips as he bottomed out inside of you.

He began to rut in and out of you, the sound of skin slapping together increased as his speed did. He kept it hard but passionate, claiming but also loving you. Your bodies close, sticking together from sweat as desperate sounds left both your lips. "No body feels as good as you do." He groaned out, lips brushing each other, foreheads touching. His arms captured you close, legs and arms wrapped around him, hands exploring his broad shoulders. Your bodies moved together like they belonged, hitting every spot inside of you.

You felt his movements becoming more erratic, knowing he was close. Your own release crawling it's way down your body. You couldn't even find the words before you started to have your second orgasm. Usually degrading names and dirty words would escape Druig as you came but his lips captured yours, moaning your name into your mouth as he came inside of you.

He rode out both of your orgasms as he muttered pussy drunk words to you breathlessly. Instead of falling next to you, he pulled you close now soft inside of you, wanting to be as close as possible. He made a soft hum against your neck, peppering small kisses. He reluctantly moved away to look into your eyes, adoring your scent. His voice loving but stern he spoke:

"You're only for me to have. Do you understand me my dove?"

"yes Druig."

"I love you darlin'"

"I love you too."

the end.

longing4decay

[neonnoir-ao3]

Caine and Pomni falling in love in the Circus and making it out together only for Caine to realize how warped all their personalities were compared to who they actually are in reality, but especially Pomni’s.

Okay literal train-of-thought word salad from here on out, prepare yourselves accordingly.

• Like he knows Pomni as an anxious little jester but they love each other and she’s cute and funny and affectionate and all that fun stuff. But once they’re in reality he follows her like a lost puppy because he has no idea how this place works and gets to see how she actually lives.

• Pomni is basically an accidental femcel when it comes to vibes. A complete girlfailure, if you will. (socially isolated, chronically single brunette with glasses, you get the idea)

• A “nice relaxing night for her” is playing a random YouTube video essay that’s like three hours long while lounging on the couch and not wearing pants, eating an entire bag of chips and probably hitting her bong. She gave up on dating in college due to failure after failure so she’s accepted that she’s gonna die alone… or rather she says she has. (She read that “I’m not doing to be loved in this lifetime, am I?” quote in a TikTok slideshow and proceeded to down an entire bottle of wine that night while sobbing)

• She wanted to get a cat to ease the loneliness, but she doesn’t feel good enough— a cat deserves more than just a shitty apartment with a wreck of an owner in their mid-20s.

• He goes back to her apartment— it’s dingy and shitty but it’s the closest place to the office that she can afford. Her half of her pantry is ramen she bought in bulk. She’s medicated to high heaven and her kitchen counters look like a pharmacy.

• Pomni is either so fucking embarrassed when Caine sees how her life is in reality or the Human Depression™ in her Human Body™ has already set back in by the time they get there and she’s just miserably accepting of it. There is no in-between.

• She showers for the first time since The Incident (she didn’t need to bathe in the DC, her clothes were literally attached to her body there/hygiene was a total nonissue in that world) and she just breaks down and spends a good 30-40 minutes taking a scalding hot shower (as all the depressed girlies do) while sobbing her heart out. It’s cathartic as fuck to be able to lose her shit for once without the threat of abstraction, but it also hurts so fucking badly at the exact same time.

• Something about mental illness in real humans versus their digital avatars really messes with Caine. At the very least he could create a zany adventure to get their mind off of things, but then there’s some days where Pomni just stays in bed all day and doesn’t say a word. This world is so harsh and dull and colorless in comparison to the world he was made for, and there are fleeting moments where he wonders if it would’ve been better if they had both stayed there.

[stvolanis]

Broken Heartstrings

(one shot)

warnings : dom & sub dynamics, Elvis is kinda abusive, age gap, INACCURATE TIME LINE, angst, Elvis is suspected of cheating,pet-names (baby, doll, darlin’, satin), a hint jealousy (Elvis and OC), manipulation, toxic relationship, OC is naive and kinda (not really) innocent, smut includes degradation (slut, brat), praising, dubcon-ish I guess, spitting, p in v sex, oral (f receiving),size kink, slapping (not hard enough to hurt), man handling, overstimulation, spitting, house wife kink (if you squint), stomach bulge, make-up sex, and overall rough sex. Sorry if I missed anything <3

this is my first story I’ve written for Tumblr, so it won’t be the greatest and might be poorly written to some, but I had fun writing it so enjoy to those who are interested :)

˚ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ˚

the days grew longer as the nights seemed to be getting unbearably shorter. Lucy was sitting on a tall bar stool swinging her little frilly sock covered feet back n’ forth as she waited for her husband to get to their shared home. It was late, ‘round 12:30 and he hadn’t shown up to the dinner she had graciously prepared for the both of them. The food was getting cold and her appetite was fading, being replaced by a feeling in the pit of her stomach she couldn’t seem to pin.

The couple had their ups and downs, as any other, but lately it seemed to be more downs. he’d come home late, his hair and clothes disheveled. sometimes he’d smell like cheap women’s perfume and other times he’d smell like gin and whiskey. he’d come home with an attitude, and take it out on Lucy since she was the closest one around. She knew he was struggling, but Elvis Presley was not one for opening up and receiving help.

the drinking and coming home late started happening after his mother passed away. he didn’t know how else to cope, so he did what he’d see his father do. he’d been chasing a high he’d never be able to reach, but his determined mind wouldn’t falter. one more drink. one more show. one more hit of whatever he was on in the moment or could get his hands on. anything to help relive the aching in his chest. It was like a poison that spread through his body, draining his energy and overtaking him. but he kept on falling deeper and deeper

but there was her. Lucy. the sweet little 20 year old who kissed his worries and pains away. Lucy, who made him feel like a young school boy all over again. Lucy , who batted her pretty eyelashes up at him when she needed some loving. Lucy, who’d perch herself on his lap and whisper sweet nothings into his ear when he was exhausted from shows, telling him everything he already knew, but it was coming from her, so he’d hear it a million more times if he could. Lucy, who was so sickeningly sweet and naive, she didn’t realize that not everyone wanted wanted to be just her friend.

Elvis didn’t like that.

Elvis knew he scored with Lucy. He knew that she was the purest thing he’d ever be able to obtain in his lousy life. the freshest, kindest and most beautiful little daisy in a field of weeds. Sure, people were throwing themselves at him left and right, but they weren’t real. Girls always on his arm, yet they only cared for his charm, fame and money. Only cared about fucking their way to the top just to be a nice trophy wife on the arm of some rich piece of shit. Running them dry. But Lucy was never like that.

Lucy was from a small town. A southern bell, and a hard worker who took care of her sick mother for as long as she could remember. She always seen the good in people, even when it seemed invisible to others. Her hearts too big for her delicate body, or at least that’s what her momma used to tell her. Lucy worked at a busy diner on the outskirts of her town, and traveling people were always in and out. So it was no surprise to her when Elvis Presley had shown up in a white button down, dark jeans and polished dress shoes with his friends following behind him.

Ever since that day, Elvis made it his mission to be with her. attached at the hip since they laid eyes on each other, and neither of them would have it any other way. But once her husband started touring again, their honeymoon phase was soon ending and arose more arguments, aggression and finger-pointing.

Elvis had promised to have a nice, civilized dinner with his wife as long as she cooked the food and not one of the maids. For hours, Lucy had been feeling waves of excitement as she cooked all day, creating a nice big meal for them to enjoy together for once. It had been so long since they sat down for dinner together. But alas, he was no where to be found.

She looked down at her hands that were between her thighs as she felt her eyes begin to water and her breathing uneven. of course he wouldn’t have come. what was she thinking? as tears began to fall, it seemed as though they wouldn’t stop. The girl wept as she began to throw away the food she had worked so hard to make.

Soon, that sadness and disappointment turned into a bubbling anger in her core. How could he do this to her? Why did she always have to be the one waiting around? She hated feeling reliant on him for the smallest things. Time, attention, love. Things no one else had ever cared to give her, but Elvis had so happily. She hated that they always fell into this routine of cat and mouse. And always, just when she’s about to call it quits, he smooth talks his way back into her arms.

Mumbling words of affirmation to her. How much he loves and cares for her, and how no one else will ever love her as much as he does. How she’s such a good housewife for him, always keeping the house together and waiting for his return like a good girl. How beautiful she is, and the things he loves most about her.

as the anger bubbled in her stomach, she could hear the booming laugh of Elvis through the halls as he cracked jokes with his choice of friends for the nights and all Lucy could feel was disgust. how could she have been so dumb?

In that moment, Lucy decided she’d had enough. She slammed the door open to the kitchen and marched her way through the long halls till she got to the entrance of the house where Elvis stood in all his glory. Oh, how pretty he looked. His smile becoming bigger as he laid eyes on his wife who wore a white, off the shoulder sundress and frilly white socks. she seemed so small and frail compared to him.

But his smile soon faded as he took notice of her puffy red eyes, red nose and trembling lips and worry consumed him. “Woah, darlin’, what’s goin on?” He asked as he took off his coat and laid it on a small round table. Lucy scoffed. “Are you fuckin’ serious, Elvis?” She said dryly as she squinted her eyes.

Elvis clenched his jaw, clearly displeased. “Watch ya mouth when ya talk to me, ya hear?” He said sternly as he pointed a finger at her. Lucy rolled her pretty green eyes. “Where were you? Huh? You were out with women, weren’t you? I can smell them on you Elvis!” She shouted as fresh tears fell from her eyes.

He groaned as he lazily dragged a hand down his perfectly sculpted face. “What the hell are ya talkin’ ‘bout, Lucy? I ain’t been with no women other than you!” He shouted back as he flared his arms out with a dry laugh. “I’m done with your lies, Elvis.” She said as she harshly wiped her tears and turned to leave.

Elvis made quick work of grabbing her arm and spinning her back around, harshly pushing her against the wall as his hand snaked up and snugly wrapped around her neck. Lucy was taken aback, Elvis had never put his hands on her in a way she didn’t like before.

“Dammit, woman, what’s it gonna take for you to calm down and stop accusin’ me of bullshit every damn day?!” He yelled out in her face. Lucy’s body wracked with sobs, and only then did Elvis realize what he’d done. He shakily removed his hands, but didn’t move away from her and instead caged her body in with his slender arms.

Lucy pushed harshly against his chest, trying to create some distance between them but Elvis wasn’t having it as he grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. “Let me go, Elvis!” She said, her voice hoarse and broken. “Need ya to calm down first, baby.” He replied as he watched her body tremble

“Oh I need to calm down? How fucking funny coming from the man who just choked me out!” She laughed out dryly as she shot him a look of disgust and anger. “I’ve fuckin’ had it with this attitude you got. After everything I do for you, this is how you wanna act?! Huh?!” He yelled as he began dragging her up the stairs to their shared bedroom.

“Stop it Elvis, you’re hurting me!” Lucy weakly yelled as his grip tightened around her wrists, surely to leave marks the next morning. Elvis played deaf as he harshly threw her onto their bed, slamming the door shut and swiftly locking it. Lucy’s body bounced as she made contact with the bed before sitting up, ready to speak again till Elvis cut her off.

“Strip.” Was all Elvis said. His voice thick, deep and velvety. Such a sweet sound. If only the words coming out weren’t laced with disappointment and dissatisfaction towards the helpless girl on the bed. Her eyes widened and her words got caught in her throat. Again. Why does this always happen? right when she’s about to stand up for herself, she always backs down the very last second and the cycle continues and worsens each time. But it’s addicting.

Sickeningly enough, she thrives in it. She’s become so accustomed to it, she wouldn’t remember how to live like a normal couple again. The toxicity of their relationship kept her on her toes, and deep down inside, she knew she wouldn’t want it any other way. How boring it would be. She knew Elvis wasn’t with other Women, because if he was it would be the cover of every times magazine and she wouldn’t hear the end of it from her friends and family. She knew the perfume she smelled on him was his mommas favorite.

As her shakey hands met the fabric of her white dress and began pulling it off of her body, Elvis rolled up his sleeves and drunk in the sight in front of him. almond green eyes, plump lips and a cute button nose that’s still slightly reddened from her crying. long chocolate brown hair. Full breasts with perky, sensitive nipples that sat ever so perfectly. slim hips and meaty thighs with a round ass to top it all off. But god, how he adored how small she is compared to him.

How tiny she is, is one of his favorite parts about her, and oh, how he used it to his advantage in the most vile ways. it was so easy for someone as big as him to completely destroy her. and that’s exactly what he does.

“Please,Elvis, m’ sor-” she tried, but Elvis wasn’t having it. “I don’t wanna hear a fuckin’ thing from ya, baby.” He said roughly as he gripped her hair at the base and craned her neck up to look at him. her hands gripped his shirt and she felt her slick between her thighs at his tone.

Elvis brought his hand up to her mouth and Lucy stuck her tongue out, welcoming her husbands fingers that harshly hit the back of her throat, making her gag and eyes water. Elvis clicked his tongue. “How can ya take my cock when ya can’t even take my fingers, darlin’?” He chuckled out.

Her mouth closed around his fingers and she began to suck them seductively and Elvis felt his pants tighten at the sight. Pretty eyes staring back up with him, trying to prove she can.

Always a hard worker, huh?

Elvis smirked at the thought as he removed his fingers and instead harshly pushed her upper body down onto the bed, spreading her legs as he dropped to his knees. his mouth watered at the sight. Her cunt was puffy and pink, bud swollen with need and begging for attention. Her slick was seeping out, and there was a wet patch on the sheets of the bed where she had been sitting that was dark and visible. It was such a pretty sight for a starving man.

He spread her lower lips and dragged his tongue between the welt folds, gathering all of her essence. He hummed at the taste of her on his tongue before savoring it for a moment. Then, he sucked her clit into his mouth with such force, her back painfully arched. His tongue skillfully played with her overly-sensitive bud, teasing and sucking as her thighs closed in around his head.

Elvis was pussy drunk. He couldn’t seem to get enough of the taste of his sweet girl. He didn’t care if he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t care about anything besides making Lucy come as many times as she could on his tongue. He prodded a finger at her sopping entrance before slowly sinking them in, letting them sit before pulling out and harshly slamming back in. Lucy let out a gasp at the intrusion as he began to finger fuck her tight cunt with no remorse.

The small girl felt the coil in her stomach tighten as her fingers gripped his mop of disheveled hair as she pushed her cunt further into the dazed mans face. Elvis curled his fingers in her before sucking her clit harshly one last time, and that’s when it snapped. “Oh my god—Elvis!” She moaned out as she tried to shove his head away from her overstimulated clit, but Elvis wasn’t listening.

“Sucha good girl, satin.” He mumbled against her clit as he felt her juices drip down his chin. God, how sweet she tasted. His entire chin and chest were covered in her, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d fuck up a million more times if it meant he could come back home to this.

Lucy panted, out of breath underneath him as he crawled above her sweaty body. He laid the gentlest kisses upon her skin, so tender and sweet. The flutter of his lips against her stomach had her insecurities seeping away into the cracks of the floor boards. The suckle of her nipples, and the releasing ‘pop’, followed by the countless hickies laid where they both knew only he would be able to see had her blushing madly. The caressing of her neck and the soft kiss against her lips made her forget the reason this all started to begin with.

“Ya with me, baby?” He asked. “Yes, Elvis. ‘M here.” She softly replied. Elvis took that as his sign to tighten his hold around Lucy’s neck, lifting her slightly to better look her in the eye. “Good, ‘cause I’m gon’ show ya what happens to ungrateful brats when I’m done with ya.” He said harshly as he slapped the side of her cheek with his free hand, but not hard enough to actually hurt. Just hard enough to know he was gonna fuck her into oblivion.

He spread Lucy’s legs, slapping her puffy, over-sensitive cunt. She softly moaned at the impact, making Elvis chuckle. “Fuckin’ slut.” He muttered as he lined his throbbing cock to her entrance. Elvis inhaled deeply as he slowly pushed his tip in, teasingly pulling it in and out a few times. Lucy whined. “Elvis-” she began. “Shut up, ya take what I give ya, brat.” He said sternly as he gripped her hair. Lucy nodded I obediently as she whimpered out a small ‘sorry’.

Suddenly, the larger man bullied his way inside her wet cunt and she could feel his hair against her throbbing clit. She moaned out as her hand grabbed the arm Elvis was holding her leg up with to ready herself. Elvis spared no mercy as he ruthlessly began bucking his hips into hers, not waiting for her to adjust to his size. She felt like heaven to him, after all, he’d trained her pussy to perfectly fit his cock since the night of their wedding, but after so long of going without being inside of her, she’d tightened up again. Elvis hissed as her walls squeezed him before throwing his head back and letting out a deep groan.

Lucy gripped the sheets below her, desperately trying to hold onto something as the beast on top of her used her cunt like she was a rag-doll solely for his pleasure. “Tight fuckin’ cunt, all for me, mama. Takin’ my dick so well, just like I taught ya, baby.” He said between breaths. Her chest fluttered at his praise, and her cunt squeezed tighter around him. “Ya like that, hm? Like when I tell ya how good you are to me. How nice you fit around my cock. My good girl.” He muttered against your lips as his hands squeezed her hips with such force, they’d be sure to leave a mark.

“Yes, Yes, fuck—yes Elvis. ‘M your good girl. All yours.” Lucy replied through loud moans, her breasts bouncing with ever rough thrust he planted. Something snapped in Elvis at that, and he threw her legs over his shoulder, hitting a new angle. Just the right spot to make her vision blurry and seeing stars. Her back arched as his fingers found her clit, rolling it between his fingers before rubbing it just the right way that made that familiar coil tighten again.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum, Elvis! p-please mm- lemme cu-cum!” She stuttered out through moans. Elvis reveled in her satisfying sounds, every thrust sent him into orbit as he became pussy drunk, completely consumed in her. He could feel her everywhere. Her soft hands all over him. Her cunt squeezing the life out of him as she was on the brink of an orgasm. the pleas of her crying aloud. Her eyes watering as she stared up at him, overstimulated.

“Hold it, ‘m almost there, baby. Doin’ so good f’me.” Elvis replied as his hips shot further into hers. The sound of their sweaty skin echoed through the room, and surely could be heard through the halls. Elvis took notice of the prominent bulge on her stomach, groaning at the sight of him filling her to the brim. He pressed his hand against it. “Feel that? ‘M right here, doll.” He said, his voice laced with desire. Lucy merely whimpered, still trying to hold back on her orgasm.

The sudden pressure on her lower stomach made her eyes roll to the back of her head as she felt the coil once again snap, releasing all her juices on Elvis’ lower stomach for a second time. But Elvis wasn’t done yet as he kept his pace of pounding into her. “Please, I can’t-” she moaned out, Elvis slapped her cheek. “I told ya to fuckin’ wait, but you just hadda be a slut, huh? you’re done when I say ya are.” He hissed. Lucy moaned at the contact of his hand against her cheek before nodding her head vigorously.

Elvis felt his stomach grow tighter as he was closer and closer to finishing. “‘M almost there, j-just ho-hold on f’me, mama.” He stuttered out through the waves of euphoric feelings. All of his senses were overwhelmed and his body felt hot to the touch like it was on fire as sweat dripped down him. He slammed his cock into Lucys overstimulated cunt a few more times sloppily before his hips stilled inside of her.

Elvis soon pulled out and watched as cum dripped out of her sopping, pulsing hole before taking two of his slender fingers and stuffing it back in. “Don’t want it to go to waste, now do we?” He said with a smirk as Lucy’s body wracked with spasms as his fingers penetrated her. Lucy’s hand reached out and stilled his movements with a small whimper. “No more Elvis, ‘s too much.” She whined.

Elvis sighed. “Alright, satin, let’s get you cleaned up.” He said as he got up and went into their shared bedroom to retrieve a wet cloth before coming back and gently wiping off both of their juices from her sore cunt. Lucy sighed contently as Elvis pressed a few lingering kisses on her thighs and stomach. “You did so good.” Elvis said against her lips before softly kissing her.

“Want you to hold me, please, Elvis.” She muttered back with a cheeky smile. Elvis let out a small laugh, eyes gleaming with something she couldn’t quite decipher. “Whatever you want, Lucy.” He replied as he laid in bed next to her, bringing her closer and wrapping his arms around the smaller girl. She drew small patterns on his naked chest and smiled contently when she felt his hands begin to massage her scalp.

“Yknow I love ya, right?” Elvis said as he glanced down at her in his arms.

“I know, Elvis. I love you too.”

˚ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ˚

[everythingmp3]

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞

𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

after having given into the pull you feel towards each other, both you and Tess are left to deal with all the intense emotions of possibly falling in love: the thrill, the joy, the courage it takes to fully open your hearts up. you spend a few days growing even closer, figuring out how to let go of all fear and embrace the bliss of having each other.

author’s note: (part 2 of this fic!). I’d definitely go read at least the description of part one before reading this one!originally I wasn’t gonna make it multiple parts but some really sweet feedback made me go back and this is basically an exploration of the early stage of falling in love, it delves much deeper into both of their feelings but there’s also some humor and lightness in there, Joel has a few appearances, it’s pretty long so there’s a lot in there. also again I never played the game, this is about Anna’s Tess! enjoy <3

warnings: minors dni. smut (reader receiving, oral), some discussions of heavier personal issues but nothing dark

wordcount: 13.7k

the next morning Tess woke up the same exact way she´d woken up all the mornings before in Jackson: right around 7:30, the sun casting the same shadows onto her floor, laying on the same side of the bed, but she felt completely different. usually she felt nothing that early in the day, but that morning as she came to her senses, the images of what had happened the night before, of you, immediately flooded her mind and left her in a state of blissful half-consciousness, a daydream that made her stay in bed a little longer. 

at the same time Tess also felt a quiet sense of dread, knowing that she would have to be subtle about her feelings for you whenever others were around, and she was self aware enough to know that she was anything but subtle; once she let herself grow attached to someone, it went from indifference to obsession in no time, she was not one for “taking it slow”, she´d never been, but thankfully she had a feeling you weren´t either.

still, it had been a while since anyone had gotten through to her the way you had, since she´d let anyone close at all, so all of a sudden she remembered just how intense she was when she truly cared. part of it was a deep need to protect you, to make sure you felt safe because of her presence, even when she was not in the room with you, her standards for what she should be for those she loved were high, even more so with you than with anyone before and Tess realized very quickly how incapable she was of being casual about what happened, how unthinkable it was to just see where it would go without already feeling devoted to you. 

when she thought back to how you had looked at her the night before, how you´d put your heart in her hands, trusting she´d know what to do with it, it almost made her lose her mind with the desire to go out there and find you and have you in her arms again, to feel your body relax into hers again, to give you the relief you so clearly needed and for some miraculous reason found in her presence. but of course it wasn´t all that noble, deep down there was also a simple visceral aspect to it, the vision of your body under hers was burned into her mind and no amount of self control could conceal the truth: that she wanted to get her hands on you again, desperately.

sitting at the edge of her bed that morning, it all came crashing over her, so after about ten minutes of staring into space she told herself to get a grip, got up, and splashed some cold water on her face before joining Joel for breakfast downstairs. 

as she walked into the kitchen she could see Joel pouring two cups of coffee and she was glad he had his back turned, so she could brace herself for a second before talking. Tess sat down at the table and Joel wordlessly put the cup down before taking his place opposite her, leaning back and taking a sip as he regarded her with a knowing grin, “so... sleep well? any sweet dreams?” his voice lowered for emphasis on those last two words, she shot him a slightly stern look, “absolutely none I´d share with you” he knew she was one for overthinking so he was trying to get her to relax a little, make the mood lighthearted, “right, fair enough. but you do look.. I don´t know you usually look more tired at this hour, you have a certain glow”, she took a sip and watched him gesture at her, her eyes narrowed, “a glow? are you trying to be a poet, Miller?”, he kept looking at her, amused, “no I just mean-”, she finished his thought, “you mean the “this person finally got laid” glow? that one?”, not expecting that he laughed, “hey you said it not me” throwing his hands up theatrically. 

she shook her head, finally cracking a smile too, “yeah I really don´t know what the fuck is happening to me Joel” she admitted, drumming her hands on the table, spaced out for a moment, he leaned forward to talk more seriously then, “well. it´s simple isn´t it”, she knew what he meant, “you like her”, she didn´t look at him but made a “hmm” sound of agreement, fidgeting with her hair. 

Joel was almost endeared by seeing his jaded friend so uncharacteristically out of it, nothing made her nervous back in the QZ, ever, not gunfire, not a group of men that are were a few heads taller than her, not even while getting beaten up did she ever seem afraid, he could count on one hand the amount of times he´d seen her lose her cool, so watching her hard facade crumble because of a girl, it made him discover a side of her he hadn´t seen in all the years they´d known each other, and it was moving to him in a way, that of all things love would be the thing to force her to her knees, to render her defenseless. 

“I think I should keep it to myself right? I mean we should be discreet about it?” he considered it, “I mean. I will say I have seen much stranger couples around town, truly some odd fuckin´pairs that make you two look boring as hell, but I won´t lie, it would probably take a little time for people to.. you know get it. what you two have”. she understood, that was what she´d thought, “yeah I think it might be smart to keep it private. even though I´d fucking hate for her to feel like I´m ashamed or something, that´s the last thing I am. I mean fuck, if anything I´d wanna brag”, he crossed his arms, shifting his posture, “can´t blame you, I think you could get some really priceless reactions out of the younger guys who tried their luck with her, when they realize that their biggest competition was some strange out of town woman”. Tess laughed then, feeling some tension leave her body, enjoying that age old feeling of not having to censor herself at all around him, “yeah. that would be pretty fucking entertaining.”. he downed the rest of his coffee and said one last thing on the issue, “whatever you decide in the end, just know, if anyone ever does give you two trouble, I´ll take care of it, alright? they won´t do it twice.” since they´d been in Jackson, Joel had turned into a more gentle, polite version of himself to blend in, that morning was the first time his old self came back to the surface, the first genuine threat of violence Tess had heard from him since they´d arrived, and it felt good, to know that he was still always on her side, always ready to jump to her defense, even when she was being reckless and getting into something that he easily could have judged her for. 

“so, we´re starting on the attic today right?” Tess said as she got up and put away the cups, “yes, I think it needs a paint job, the windows are a little fucked, and some floorboards are loose, but other than that it should be pretty nice in no time”, since they´d arrived in Jackson a few weeks earlier they´d been planning on how to fix up their house, both of them eager to prove that they were capable of proper physical labor. “but it´s still early, there´s not rush, if you wanna.. you know get some air, walk around before being stuck up there” it was probably a good idea for her to clear her head, so she got her jacket and stepped out. 

it was a foggy morning, she couldn´t even see all the way down the street as she slowly made her way towards the center of town. of course she knew there was a chance of running into you but she still felt a rush of adrenaline when she reached the outside of the dining hall and saw you sitting there on a bench by yourself, you didn´t see her as she came closer, so for a moment she just stood there, looking at you, reminding herself that the urge to embrace or kiss you would have to wait til later, telling herself to keep her instincts in check before briefly resting her hand on your shoulder to make you turn around. the moment you looked at her and smiled, Tess remembered just how little it took for you make her feel warm, even in the icy morning air, and you saw it, how glad she was to see you, for a moment it felt like an extended dream, like something you´d imagined, but it was real, her touch brief but the impact lingering on after.

“hey!” you said, your tone different than if anyone else had stood there, excitement in there that was not typical for you, shifting the way you were sitting to make space for her, “come, please, sit” she nodded, “so, how are you?” she asked, sitting down next to you, “better than ever actually, for some reason” you said, an ironic inflection, seeing the satisfied look on her face as she answered, “yeah, me too”, the town was still waking up and hardly anyone was around, so you allowed yourself to reach for her hand, her grip on you strong and reassuring, the warmth of her palm reminding you of where else on your body it had rested the night before a slight flush on your face as you practically beamed at each other in silence, a shared moment of knowing exactly what the other person was thinking, no words were needed to know that it included things like i wish i could kiss you right now, i thought about you before falling asleep and after waking up, i am a little nervous, i have no idea when i last felt like this, if i ever did, it was all there in the air between you, locking eyes was enough to communicate it. 

once the moment passed you let go of her hand and leaned back, speaking first, “so, tell me, what are your plans today?”, while moving your leg so it would touch hers, two people sitting like that was not suspicious, it made you creative, the limitation of physical affection you could allow yourself in public, and admittedly part of it was hot, she grinned, feeling what you were doing “well, our house needs a little fixing up still, so I think we´ll be busy with that. and you?”, she kept her hands to herself but she was dying to reach out and caress your cheek, the way you were looking at her was killing her, all soft and open.“well” you gestured behind you “I´ll be in the kitchen all day. I´m on cooking duty”, “really? wow, didn´t figure you for a chef” she hadn´t pictured that as one of your jobs, “should I be offended by you sounding so surprised that I can cook?”, she laughed, “oh come on, you know what I mean, it´s hard to imagine the very limited resources in the QZ inspiring someone to learn how to cook”, she was right of course, after the outbreak the philosophy surrounding food was mostly be thankful for what you have, parents hardly bothered teaching kids elaborate culinary skills anymore, meals were a matter of survival, nothing more. “yeah I know, but I had my reasons to try my hand” she looked at you in a way that said “keep going”, “well, after my parents died and I started living with my friend her family I felt kind of self conscious about being there at times, so I guess becoming the family chef made me feel like I was useful” you smiled then, remembering something about that time, but she was hung up on the word useful, a little struck by a teenager thinking they could be considered useless by those taking care of them, it made her suspect your life with your parents hadn´t been all that easy either, it stung a bit, but she didn´t let it show. 

“so you´re telling me you were what, 15, 16, using your free time to cook for your household? you really are some kind of angel huh. I was a fucking nightmare at that age”, remembering how people had considered you tough and intimidating was becoming increasingly absurd to her, but you shook your head, “oh don´t be too quick with that assessment, I also got in trouble quite a bit” that intrigued Tess, she leaned closer, her voice lower, that tone that always went straight to your core, “oh really? how so?”, you stared at her, enjoying the genuine interest, “school was tough, I often got detention, always ended up fighting with teachers. I guess I had an authority problem” you mused, leaned your head on your arm then, looking up at her, making it even harder for her to just sit there and not touch you the way she actually wanted.

that last part was funny to her, that you were clearly not a fan of strict rules or being told what to do, including what you´d told her about Jackson being too regulated for you, but then with her you seemed to want exactly that: being taken care of, being told what to do, and she loved the idea of being an exception, that her kind of power was the kind you wanted to submit to, not push back against, it almost humbled her in a sense.“yeah I can picture that, you being too clever for them and getting on their last nerve” a pause then, “but they never seriously hurt you, did they? because I heard some awful stories about the schools in my QZ” a sudden flicker of something dark in her eyes, it was hot to you, but you reassured her, “I mean nothing crazy no. but if they did, what then? would you go out there and find them?” you joked but she didn´t smile, “maybe” you nudged her, “that´s very sweet of you, really”, but you weren´t just amused, it was an unfamiliar feeling, to have someone be that invested in your safety, even considering things that had happened long ago. she loosened up again, still, her sense of protectiveness extended even to your past self, perhaps because she felt a little guilty, that she´d grown up normally and you had to go through a lot as a kid, but in some way it also made her respect you, that you clearly possessed the strength that was required to grow up into a person as beautiful as you were, during the end of the fucking world. she was convinced you were the better person out of the two of you, there was no doubt about it to her, Tess was prideful at times but you made her feel a sense of humility that she liked. 

Tess could tell from the look in your eyes that you were were waiting for her to say something, anything, there was something pleading about it and for the second time she felt the urge to touch your face, only stopping her hand mid-air, which didn´t pass you by, you stared at her, still waiting for her to speak, she cleared her throat, “I know I put up a good front but just know it´s kind of killing me right now to sit here like we´re just friends”, you cocked your head, “we aren´t friends?” slightly teasing, she narrowed her eyes, “no. that´s not what I would call it”, a subtle grin on her face, you nodded, “if it makes you feel better I have been trying my best not to lean my head against your shoulder for the past few minutes, so...”, “don´t say that, jesus” she whispered, the image too endearing to her to be unaffected by it, you kept looking at her, not expecting the idea of a simple tender gesture like that to get to her, “yeah I should go I think this isn´t gonna end well if I stay any longer”, she sounded serious about it, and it did thrill you a little, for her to imply that you were irresistible to her. “okay. but um-” she looked at you expectantly, “yeah, what is it?” a sweetness to her tone that she never used with other people, “if you happen to take a break later, feel free to stop by in the kitchen, there´s a backdoor” you pointed to the wall at the back of the building “it´s open, I´ll be right down the hall” she nodded, charmed by your clear desire to see her again as soon as possible, which matched hers,  “okay, I´ll see what I can do” briefly touching your hand before getting up, deepening the ache of not being able to hold onto her, looking back down to where you were sitting for a moment, not wanting to leave you yet, watching you bask in the light of her attention, shifting your posture to face her. for second she thought out loud, “god. you´re so pretty..” barely audible but you did hear it, “what was that?” you teased, clearly you had heard it, she shook her head, “okay I am leaving now, you take care sweetheart”.

the next few hours passed quickly, you washed the produce, you sharpened knives, you let some things that would take longer simmer on low heat while chopping others, you were lost in the motions and didn´t register time passing. there was something that you had kept from Tess, which was that the reason you were known around town as someone who worked hard, who was eager to help out with any job at any time, had very little to do with the goodness of your heart.

it was a welcome side effect that people perceived you as diligent and reliable but the reason you took on as much work as you did was simple: it was the only reliable coping skill you had. in other environments your depressive moods and darker states of mind would have driven you to different methods of numbing yourself, but there was no secret drug scene in Jackson, the one available substance was alcohol and you were not one to drink on your own, there was no tv or other mindless entertainment to turn to, not even healthier ways of clearing your head like taking hour long walks, so the one thing you go sucked into was working yourself to a point of exhaustion, to a point where no thoughts could form anymore. the years in Jackson had been marked by various periods of deep despair, loneliness, and hopelessness, so to escape time, to escape your mind, you got into the habit of doing whatever you could to be occupied as much as possible: chopping wood for fireplaces, cleaning out the stables, sweeping the streets, helping people around their homes and in their gardens, cooking, anything, oftentimes doing so much in one day and forgetting food and drinking to a point of almost passing out on your doorstep multiple times at night.

people didn´t notice, you were good at stoically handling the pain, but it had worn you down, and even meeting Tess, being so flooded with joy, it didn´t magically kill the instinct to overextend yourself. usually people worked in shifts in the kitchen but you always told them you liked handling both lunch and dinner and to do it on your own, they bought the lie that it was relaxing to you, and some parts of it were, but you knew you´d have to stop overdoing it or eventually something ugly would happen. still, meeting Tess in the morning had left you in a better state of mind than any of the days before, that morning and early afternoon you were constantly zoned out thinking back to all the things she´d said, all the glances she´d given you, the details filling your body with a constant buzz, a lovestruck expression on your face that nobody was around to witness. 

around 2 pm Tess suggested to Joel that they should take a break and told him she´d be back in half an hour. the noises of the kitchen concealed any noise you could have picked up on as Tess walked down the hall that you´d mentioned earlier, so she saw you before you saw her as she stopped in the door frame for a moment, just watching you chop something faster and more skillfully than she ever could; other people got butterflies when they saw their lover with kids, Tess suddenly felt it as she saw you handling a potential weapon with such ease. 

she knocked to announce herself and you turned and waved her over, “oh thank god, you came!”, the enthusiasm was endearing to her, she slowly walked over to where you were standing, leaning back against a counter next to you, that painfully attractive she always had, “that´s a nice thing to hear walking into a room”, she smiled at you, taking in the sight of your face all flushed from the humid heat of the kitchen, your hair a little messed up, her knuckles straining with the suppressed need to pull you close. your gaze fell to a few streaks of white paint on her jeans that hadn´t been there earlier, you pointed at them, “so, how is that going, hm?” eyeing her, tilting your head, “not too bad, I have a lovely constant background noise of an old man complaining about his knees” she joked dryly, you laughed, “okay I see. well, I wouldn´t complain if I was in his place, getting to watch you do all that” your voice a little sultry then, she liked that you kept flirting with her even though you already clearly had her, “is that so?”, you nodded, “but I wouldn´t be much help I´m afraid, I don´t know shit about renovating”, “oh that´s fine, you could just sit there and look pretty for me”, she said, purposely drawing the words out in a low suggestive tone, watching your expression change, staring into your soul, enjoying the feeling of seeing your expression change. 

you were less timid than her, more willing to take a risk in that moment, so you dropped your knife and stepped over to where she was standing, your hands finding the sides of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine from the unexpected touch, before leaning in and kissing her the way you´d wanted to that morning, feeling her grab your face hard as she leaned into it with quite some force, both of you clearly having missed the other one even though you´d seen each other mere hours before, there was an immediate neediness to the kiss, you were making up for what you couldn´t do before kissing each other over and over, your lips turning a darker shades of red, swelling a little, her fingers in your hair, getting soft sighs out of you that drove her to deepen the kiss, just for a moment, just to hear something a little closer to a moan, she was being reckless and she knew it, but she couldn´t stop herself, and you were too wrapped up in it to deny her, chest to chest with her but still pressing yourself against her harder, until you both needed air and separated, throwing a glance to the door to make sure nobody was there, but you were alone still. 

you stepped back, straightening out your clothes and smiling with your gaze cast to the floor, hers on your side profile as she wiped her mouth, trying to breathe and get her heartbeat to a normal state again,  “I think I should abandon all this, so I can go back to your place with you, right?” she laughed, “absolutely yes.”, wishing it wasn´t just a joke. “oh by the way” you continued, more earnest then, still a little dizzy from the kiss, “I didn´t mention this earlier but if there´s anything you like to eat, tell me, and I´ll do it next time”, she nodded, “okay that´s sweet of you, I´ll think of something, but how about you don´t prepare it for everyone in town, do it for me at home instead” you grinned, realizing that she didn´t like the idea of everyone else being part of your gesture of affection, “you don´t like sharing, do you?” you weren´t talking about the food, her answer wasn´t about that either, she nodded, grinning “yeah, that´s right” her arms crossed, “alright. I´ll save my best meal for you and you alone, how about that?” you said, which was an easy way to win her over: playing into her possessiveness. “perfect. and I´ll find a way to repay you of course”, a suggestiveness to the words,  “I´m sure you will” you said, leaning back, smiling. Tess realized you two should probably plan when to really see each other again, not just in passing, “I suppose you´ll be pretty tired from all this tonight, so how about you get a good night sleep later and then tomorrow you can come over in the evening and we can do.. well whatever we want really. I´ll kick my roommate out” that got a laugh out of you, “alright, yes, sounds good to me”.

part of you wanted to protest, to suggest that you should come over later that night but you knew you would probably be better company once you were energized again. Tess moved to leave and you exchanged quick goodbyes before you turned around to continue your work, but before she could exit the door she looked back at you, and couldn´t go just yet. you stood with your back turned to her, and it was too tempting, so she walked back over, stopping once she stood right behind you.

 you felt her presence intensely but didn´t turn around, waiting to see what she was doing, a second later you felt her arms wrapping around you from behind, just below your waist, to gently pull you back against her front side, and the moment she did that she saw you putting down the knife and rest your palms flat against the counter, for some reason she knew your eyes were closed even though she couldn´t see it. she leaned close enough to your neck to leave a light kiss, your breath heavy by then, “see you tomorrow sweet girl” she whispered, counting on the fact that she´d just given you a glimpse of what to look forward to, which had worked of course, it took everything in you not to turn around and beg her to stay but you forced yourself let the feeling crash over you, to take it without breaking, so you let her hold you for a few more moments, trying desperately to soak the warmth of her hands up, before she let you go and vanished. 

walking back home, the joy Tess felt reminded her of how she often had complicated feelings about joy after the outbreak. for a long time she´d been tormented with nightmares about loved ones she´d lost, nightmares about them calling her unworthy of her survival, calling her selfish for moving on, for not being destroyed by grief, for trying to build something new for herself; she´d often woken up in a cold sweat feeling horrible about herself and ironically enough it often happened after she´d had a particularly good day. the thing was, that as she got older she realized that despite all the pain, she´d been afforded a freedom that she wouldn´t have had in her previous life. at first she felt awful for even thinking about it, but it was the truth, before she´d have grown old as a mother and wife, she´d have had very clear positions as a woman, duties to fulfill whether she felt like it or not, but somehow it had all turned out differently; there she was, after getting over the worst of it all with nobody to answer to, no spouse, no child, not even an employer, she was free to be whatever she wanted to be, and it wasn´t lost on her that that was in its own strange way a lucky position to be in. 

for a long time she´d let it get to her, the fear that she might be a horrible person for rejoicing in a freedom that was connected to a horrible loss, but that day when she walked back after having met you, none of the guilt was there, the joy she felt was light and untainted, it was solid and calm

Tess knew it was your impact in large parts that had taken away that heaviness, the way you looked at her made it much harder to see herself in a bad light, the fact someone like you, who rarely trusted anyone with their weaker side, was so ready to let her in, to accept her care, it made Tess feel like she had a purpose, like the impact she would leave on the world might not just be one of violence. during the years of Joel and her fighting their way through weeks and months lost in a haze of shared pain and rage, she´d given up on the idea of ever feeling like a good person, or even just a decent one, but when she held you, when she felt you leaning in to kiss her, when she sensed your ease around her, knowing how reluctant you usually were to get close to others, she felt like there was a goodness in her that had remained in tact, that you were drawing out of the depths of her because you needed it. 

Tess realized that sometimes self contempt did not matter, if someone saw something worth loving in her, who was she to tell them their perception was off? 

while she was thinking all that, you were having a moment of reflection yourself. once she left the kitchen you just stood there the way you´d stood before, bracing yourself against the counter, breathing a little unevenly, and for a good few minutes you didn´t continue your work because your mind was racing, your body was on fire, and you had to calm down somehow. 

at first you couldn´t identify what it was, but then you realized: your body had no idea how to handle intense joy, intense feelings of love and affection for someone, how to handle desire and ecstatic feelings of want, none of it, because you had never felt it before, it was like a new chemical had entered your system and an alarm was going off. of course you´d had moments of relaxation or contentment before, you´d had good days and you´d laughed and gathered sweet memories at times, but it had been years and years since you´d felt genuine joy, the kind that alters your whole physicality, your whole being. for so long you had lived in a state of constant numbness, you felt like a ghost at times, you were tethered to nothing, no family, no friends, no lover, not even a hometown or material possessions that made you feel grounded, nothing had really mattered to you, you floated from place to place, in Jackson you faded into the background, stopped engaging socially, spent nights on your own, days distracted by work, and then, all of a sudden, a rupture. Tess came and you were stunned into a state of openness, it felt like your body was coming out of hiding, like every part of you was hungry to feel, to feel everything, every little detail of what her presence could evoke in you, but it was not without pain at first, that process of letting yourself be alive again. 

there was a fear in you and as you stood there thinking you knew why: for the first time in your life you had something to lose. 

you´d gotten used to indifference so now that you felt so deeply for Tess, you almost panicked imagining a potential future without her, the worst case scenario played out in your head, her and Joel getting bored and leaving, her being gone one day, because now that you´d gotten a taste of love, you knew going back to living without it would eviscerate you. 

there was no going back and you had to understand that the fear was a positive kind, that part of caring was risking your heart, the risk of immeasurable loss, which was worth it, always, in order to experience immeasurable love. after a while you calmed down, focusing on the spot where Tess´s hand had lingered mere moments before, banishing anxious thoughts and letting your mind flood with the memory of her body behind yours, her scent, her lips, and it worked, your cheeks flushed and you felt your muscles relax again. 

by the time you were done cleaning up at night everyone else had left the building already and it was dark out. your limbs were aching as you walked outside and realized that it was pouring rain. for a moment you just stood there, letting the cool water soothe your exhausted body, not caring about your hair or clothes getting wet. once you walked down the road, it dawned on you that nothing seemed worse to you in that moment than going home to an empty, cold, dark house, nobody waiting for you, nobody to ask you if you´re fine, and you tried to fight the instinct, you did, but you knew where you were headed when you started walking faster. the plan had been to go to Tess the next night, to go there refreshed and in a more appealing state, but you had a visceral need to just see her, to be with her even if it would just be ten minutes, you were broken down in a way, the weeks before you´d overdone it, and the one thing you could think of that might make you feel steadier, less at risk of falling apart, was Tess´s strength, her way of touching you that infused you with calm, with warmth. 

you made your way up to Tess and Joel´s door and tried your best to not feel ashamed as you knocked, ringing the bell seemed a little rude at that hour, hoping and praying it wouldn´t be him who answered the door, and it wasn´t; shortly after you knocked, Tess opened the door, somehow less surprised to see you than you thought, wearing an oversized black sweater that suited her, her light eyes shining brighter with the contrast, and the sight of her alone could have made you cry for some reason, the gentle smile as she leaned against the door frame and said “well hello there”. 

you immediately tried to apologize for your unannounced appearance, uttering something like “sorry I know it´s late and we said tomorrow but -” but before you could finish the sentence she shook her head and waved you in, “don´t apologize, you can come by whenever you feel like it, alright?” she wanted nothing less than for you to feel hesitant around her, you nodded, feeling a little relieved as you walked in.

once you were inside and the light hit you, she saw something that others might not have picked up on because you did conceal it somewhat well, but not well enough for Tess; she could read in the way you were holding your body, the way your eyes looked that there was a fragility to you in that moment and it made her feel violently protective but she kept it in check, not smothering you with it, not yet. 

for a moment you were just standing there, unsure what to do, waiting for her to tell you, but before doing anything else she went in to embrace you, a proper hello, the kind she had denied herself that morning, her arms firm around your back, yours around her waist, your head resting on her shoulder for a moment, breathing in her fresh scent, you could tell that she´d just showered and it felt so good that you almost turned it into a desperate tight hug, the kind where you cling to someone, where it´s blatantly obvious how much you really need their comfort, but you restrained yourself, melting into her for a few seconds, feeling her hands lightly run over the fabric of your jacket, soaking up her the feeling of her being wrapped around you and letting out deep shaky breath, that she noticed, before untangling yourself and smiling at her, a tired smile, but a very genuine one. 

the urge to cry was still there, that thing of affection almost being painful when you´re in in desperate need of it, but you didn´t. she saw it and it worried her but she let it pass, giving you a moment to adjust, taking your hand in hers, “come on, let´s get you comfortable” she led you to the living room, it was just as you remembered, inviting and cozy, the faint light of the fire and a small lamp in the corner of the room, the smell of something like a scented candle, “here drink” Tess ordered as she held up a cup of tea that had been standing on the coffee table long enough to not be hot anymore, “I think you need this more than me”. you gladly accepted, it was herbal with a slight taste of honey and you imagined that she´d already taken a sip, liking the idea of indirectly kissing her by having your lips where hers had been before. 

Tess sat down on the couch and moved closer to you once you sat next to her, her hand on your cheek then which you immediately leaned into. she caressed you for a moment, studying your face from up close, enamored, “you´re exhausted, hm?” a low, sympathetic tone, “yeah.. but this is helping” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, for a moment she let you close your eyes, holding your face in her palm, before her hand moved down to your own, holding it reassuringly as she spoke “wanna tell me what´s going on sweetie?” she asked, patient, giving you time to think of answer while you laced your fingers through hers and rested your head against the couch cushion.

“yeah. it´s just-” your voice was shaky which embarrassed you a little, but she encouraged you, “go on, I´ll understand”, you knew she would, so you went on.“well I already told you about not being too happy here in general since I came here, right?” she nodded “yes”, listening intently, still holding your hand, absentmindedly running her thumb over your skin, leaning in so you wouldn´t have to speak too loudly, making it more intimate, “the past few months it just got worse and worse, before you guys came it got pretty bad. the thing is I can´t cope when I have too much time on my hands, I really can´t be alone with my thoughts for too long, so I often just kept working and working because there are no other distractions around here” you spared her the gnarlier details, “and yeah it just wore me down, and I don´t how to fucking stop that´s the thing, I don´t know what to do Tess, I don´t know how to just live and be present” your ability to mask your pain had gone away, you seemed genuinely shaken up once you got done talking, your gaze was not on her, but she wanted you to look at her, so she lifted your head with her fingers, once you looked at her you could tell her expression had turned even more concerned, “and nobody noticed that something was off? nobody was looking out for you?” you shrugged, a sort of defeated look to you.

“I live alone, and well. not everyone has me figured out the way you have” she shook her head, a flicker of anger in her eyes as it dawned on her just how exhausted you truly must be, after years of being on your own with all of that to deal with, she sounded more stern, more intense as she spoke again, leaning in for emphasis, “okay, you listen to me. I know you´re used to being on your own and having nobody to rely on, and I know it´s not easy to give that up, I do, but I´m here now, and we´ll figure it out together. alright? it will be okay” your look of doubt just made her double down “it will. you´re gonna come to me when you don´t wanna be alone with your thoughts and I´ll find a way to distract you” there it was again, her way of putting things like an order, not even giving you the chance to deny her care, so you nodded as she tenderly brushed a strand of hair out of your face,“how about you tell me what´s been on your mind, hm? that´s a start”.

you weren´t used to sharing any of your inner thoughts with someone, so it took you a moment to gather up the courage to be honest, “well, it used to be all kinds of things, dread about not having anything to do with my life here. but it changed. now it´s just one thing really”, that peaked her interest, “and what´s that?”, you paused a moment, debating whether to be that honest, but you wanted at least one person to finally know you to your core, “are you gonna leave again?”, she didn´t expect that question at all so she looked confused as she responded “leave? what...as in leave town? we just moved here like three weeks ago” there was an amused smile on her face, but she realized that you were being dead serious, your expression almost terrified while waiting for a definitive no, it went straight to her heart,“oh sweetie. come here” she said, pulling you closer by your shoulders to hold you, to soothe you by running her fingers through your hair, the moment she did that you felt tears in your eyes, clinging to her, your fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt, “I´m not going anywhere, I promise you that, I´m here for good” she whispered while continuing the gentle touches, she realized then that you had yet to know what it feels like, to be able to trust that things were gonna turn out well, that there wasn´t always some disaster waiting on the horizon. she realized that it was one thing to care for you, it was another to help you grow comfortable with that care, to accept it, to trust that it would last, that you could let go of your old habit of never growing attached to anyone or anything. 

you stayed like that for a moment, not full on crying into her shoulder, but shedding a few tears as you calmed down a little, after a while you separated and you went to wipe your eyes, laughing to yourself a little, it almost made her cry too then, to finally see a brighter expression on your face again, that smile that had won her over the moment you introduced yourself to her. “Jesus I´m sorry. I really don´t wanna be a fucking burden, I´ll get a grip now, I´ve just never felt like this about anyone..” you said while making sure your eyes were dry again, but Tess just shook her head, “you really have some self perception issue we need to work on here, getting to know you like this is not some favor I´m doing, it´s the one thing that has made coming here worth it. I´ll have you know that I was teased mercilessly all day today by Joel for constantly smiling to myself.” 

your eyes lit up then, you moved over and put your arms around her neck, looking at her from up close, getting a good look at her for the first time that day, her hands moving under your shirt, to your back, “really?” you said, clearly loving that image, your smile turning into a satisfied grin, she was beyond relieved to see the switch in your mood, “hm, you really did a number on me” you kept staring into her eyes, “well, when you left earlier I just stood there for like 15 minutes recovering so..” you confessed, she laughed, “okay so we both just spent the whole day today thinking about each other, huh?”, you leaned down to kiss her then while uttering “guess so”, your hands in her hair, kissing her more heartfelt than earlier, a distinct emotionality to it, not even making out at first but just savoring the feeling of your lips against hers, eventually getting worked up from being pressed against her and breathing heavier, her hands moving up to your face to hold you in place while you kissed but struggled at times to keep it uninterrupted, the intensity leaving you just sighing into each other´s open mouths every now and then, growing hotter from the sounds, the feeling of each others tongues only adding to it once you really abandoned restrained and turned sloppy with it, her briefly, lightly biting your lower lip, drawing a moan out of you as she grabbed your tits through your shirt, remembering that you didn´t mind when she did it a little roughly.

after a while of being all over each other getting lost in the feeling of it, you climbed off of her and Tess realized just how wet your clothes had gotten from the rain earlier, she was so distracted before that it only then struck her, she fussed with your damp shirt, “okay you need to change, this isn´t good, you´ll catch a cold”, but she wasn´t gonna send you home, no way, “wanna come up to my room? I´ll give you something fresh to wear” her voice purposely low and smooth to persuade you, which wasn´t even needed, of course you´d say yes to the promise of seeing her space, getting dressed in something that might have her lingering scent on it, “yes I´d love that” you said,  so she got up and pulled you up with her, gesturing for you to follow her. 

after you made your up the stairs to the first floor, Tess went in ahead of you to turn on a few small lights, telling you to make yourself at home, and the second you saw her bed, which was considerably bigger than yours, it hit you just how tired you were, so you made your way to the end of the bedrame and sat down with your legs dangling off, taking in the details of her room. it was pretty impressive to you: two large wood paneled windows on each wall that faced the garden, a tree so close to them that you could see its outline even in the dark, a long full body mirror in the corner, a door that seemed to open to a walk in closet, beautiful wallpaper with a subtle flower print, you knew she might have chosen a slightly less feminine touch but it was undeniably a great space for her to have to herself, “damn this might be the nicest room I´ve seen in this town” you marveled as she lit a candle on her night stand, “yeah I know, I got pretty fucking lucky here”, Tess was looking at you as she said this, not at her space. 

secretly you were already kind of imagining the room as partially yours, knowing there was a good chance you´d come back again and again, a smile on your face as you she made her way over to where you were sitting, standing in front of you then, sort of towering over you which you liked, “okay, we should get you out of these now”, which you took as a cue to undress but before you could undo even do anything she gently pushed your hand away, “no, let me do that for you”, not wanting you to life another finger after having had an exhausting day, so you gave in, gladly, smiling up at her as her eyes fell to where her hands got busy with opening your shirt, a quick succession of undoing buttons, she wasn´t fumbling at all her hands were steady, and it did turn you on, to have her handle you with such care, you were at a loss almost as she pulled your arms out of the sleeves as if she didn´t want to break you, gently, a stark contrast to her generally not very inviting aura, which vanished into thin air around you.

she wanted nothing more than to wrap you in a feeling of safety, of being held. your tank top was also far from dry, and you saw her hesitate but you almost begged her then, “go on”, wanting the intimacy of being exposed, being seen, she nodded, realizing that it wasn´t just about the clothes anymore, that you were getting something you needed out of it. she moved her hands under your top to pull it over your head, and the moment you were left sitting there topless, your skin painted in a golden hue from the dim light, her eyes changed, you were watching her while she was taking in the sight if of you, her palms resting on your shoulders, warm, so warm, once she looked at you again she moved her hands down your neck, your chest, slowly, “you´re so beautiful”.  for the first time you thought you could hear her voice wavering, a hint of a tremor and the way she was standing between your legs, looking down at you, it made you feel weak in the most satisfying way. for so long you´d worked at seeming unfazed by anything, but in that moment you were glad to surrender, to look up at her in awe, to let her do whatever she wanted to, that moment with her, it felt sacred in a way. her eyes fell to a spot on your chest where she´d left a subtle mark the night before, a faint purple, she traced it for a second before leaning down to kiss the spot, ever so softly. a moment later she got onto her knees, moving between your legs to unzip your jeans and help you out of them too and once you were left in nothing but your underwear, you realized that that was the first time she´d seen you fully exposed, which felt good, her gaze never made you feel uneasy, it always made you want more. 

Tess didn´t get up again but remained on her knees, her hands on either your thighs, feeling your soft skin, caressing you, and you were still at a loss for words, just taking it in, your body heating up from what she was doing,  almost blacking out as she kissed your inner thigh, not just once, but leaving soft kisses all the way down to your knee. you could feel her long hair brushing your skin, tingling a little, her other hand lightly squeezing your other thigh as she seemed to get lost in the feeling of your skin, a kind of adoration that was enough to make you feel like you were imagining it all, it was beyond anything you´d expected from her, the way she was almost worshiping your physique. once she stopped to look up at you, she saw your eyes almost closing in pleasure, “relax for me okay? lay down, let me make you feel good” she said and you took the order, laying down flat on your back while your lower half was still at the edge of the bed, in her grip.

 after Tess kissed your other thigh and felt you relaxing, quietly sighing, clearly wanting more, the progression of sensual to sexual was so seemless that it didn´t even make you nervous when she moved to pull of your underwear, the moment you felt her touch the fabric you assured her with a “it´s okay”, eager to be hers entirely. the feeling of laying there on the soft bed, the rain still making light sounds against the windows, the sensation of her lips trailing down your body, it left you fully present in your body, no thoughts other than god this feels good, it was exhilarating to be nude and to practically feel every part of you warm up and pulse with desire, your face growing hot, your chest rising and falling with heavy deep breaths, the space above your hips burning as she held onto you, it was clear to her that you were turned on to a level that could and should be deepened, so once your underwear was discarded onto the floor she moved further up between your legs, tightening her grip on you a little, pushing your knees apart more to have space, hooking her arms under your thighs to pull you down onto her face.

it was a charged moment for both you and Tess, neither of you had been intimate with anyone in a good while, so you felt every little sensation of that moment intensely, she had no idea if anyone had ever gone down on you at all so she felt a sense of responsibility, to not just be gentle and patient but to also make it heartfelt and passionate enough for you to crave more once she was done, a mix of carefulness and the urge to show you just how good it could feel. she knew she had all the time in the world, so at first she just focused on the skin leading up to where she was going, licking the highest part of your inner thigh, broad strokes with her flat tongue just tasting your skin for a moment, your sounds still faint but she could feel your body reacting, a slight twitch in your leg as she kneaded the skin where her fingers were digging in while moving to your center and running her flat tongue over your cunt in one big stroke, leaving your lips glistening with her spit, a slight gasp from you then, followed by a needy “please Tess..”, urging her to go ahead, so she briefly reached up and spread you open with her fingers, teasing you for a moment by running them up and down between your folds before leaning in and licking up what had leaked out already, a hum of pleasure as the slick texture hit her tongue, a sudden hunger, so she put more force into it and found a rhythm of sucking and licking your soft sensitive flesh that drove not only you insane but herself too, your whole body flushed by that point, your hands gripping the sheets before she reached up to hold them down, to make it even more intimate, feeling your hips moving up to meet her tongue, your fingers trapping hers, squeezing quite hard from the overwhelming feeling, but you were being easy, you didn´t squirm much or try to move away, it was pure bliss for her the way you were sprawled out and open for her, she praised you for a moment as she lifed her head, moving her hand to caress your stomach,  “you´re being so good for me, such a good girl”, it only turned you on more, “my angel” she whispered against your skin as she could hear you whine from the mix of her words and her touches, her own underwear soaked by that point from it all, so much so that she might even finish too.

to really push you towards your impending climax she stopped pushing her tongue into you after having gone at it for a while and moved to suck on your clit, hard, not to a point of pain but hard enough to make you see stars for a second, “jesus fuck..” you moaned as she kept doing it, “Tess fuck I´ll-” you cried, feeling her steady you by grabbing your hips, “it´s okay, breathe, I got you” cooing at you before really harnessing all of her strength to overstiunalte your clit to the point of your walls clenching and your legs shaking, her hands constantly running up and down your body to add to the arousal, she knew that a squeeze and a grab at the right moment would only make you cum harder, you tried to somehow remain in place as you felt the orgasm building in your core and spreading out through your whole body in violent waves, your moaning nad whining almost making her lose her mind with lust as she felt the whole lower half of her face getting soaked in your juices, an intense final shudder told her you were finished but she wasn´t, letting you calm down a little as she gathered up every last drop that she´d gotten out of you, a last sloppy lick over your cunt before easing up and catching her breath, still between your legs, until she had the urge to see your face and climbed up over you, trapping you beneath her, satisfied with the look she found on your face, all flushed and exhausted and content. 

before she could say anything you pulled her down for a kiss, which turned her on even more because she knew you knew she hadn´t wiped her mouth or chin yet, a gesture of intimacy that got her good, you tasting yourself on her lips, not even just a closed mouth kiss but kissing her in a way that made clear how much you´d enjoyed what she´d just done. “do I wanna know how you got that good at eating pussy” you said, which got a laugh out of her, her hand in your hair as she said “oh you know, the hundreds of women I dated before you” you didn´t laugh, wondering for a split second if she might actually mean it “I´m joking, don´t worry, I guess you bring it out of me”, “okay now you´re just sweet talking me” you said, your hands around her neck as she shook her head, “not my style, you should know that by now I think”, both of you smiling at each other as she said this because you did know, but it was still new to you, to be wanted like that, by someone you wanted just as badly. you knew her arms must have gotten tired from hovering over you so you pulled her down onto your chest, “careful there” she said, worrying she was gonna be too heavy, “you can crush me I don´t mind” you said, holding onto her as you could hear her laughing, resting on your chest for a moment. 

neither of you were bold enough yet to ask the other one to spend the night together, so around midnight after laying there together for a good while, she offered to walk you home. as you stood in front of your door and looked at her you didn´t dare to kiss her even though it was dark and nobody was out there except you two, but you did allow yourself what you´d been too shy to do earlier, which was a hug that went beyond the friendly kind, so you stepped closer to her one last time that night and embraced her as tightly as possible, communicating something a simple thank you, wouldn´t have. as you stood there, arms around each other, the faint sound of a few lone birds above you, the smell of snow still lingering int the air, she lightly ran her hand over the back of your head, speaking in a low tone, “you take it easy tomorrow, okay? no work, no nothing, and if anyone really needs you to do something, send them to me, I´ll take care of it.” you smiled against her shoulder, still gripping the fabric of her jacket, “okay, I will”, separating only after a good two minutes of standing there in an embrace, giving each other a last love filled glance before saying goodnight. 

while you were sleeping soundly later that night, Tess and Joel coincidentally got up to get some water from the kitchen at the same time. she´d been awake for hours just laying there unable to stop thinking about you and was already pouring herself a glass as she heard him coming down the stairs, so she got out a second glass and handed it to the disheveled half asleep man who got out a “thank you” but only barely, his voice still impacted by sleep, as she sat down at the table with him, both of them sitting there in silence for a moment. she had a grave expression, staring into space, so Joel asked “hey, you good?”, she looked like she was about to deliver bad news or tell him about a nightmare, but after taking a deep breath and looking up at him, Tess said “I think I´m in love with her.”. 

Joel thought of course this woman would say it like she was saying she just killed someone, all serious and almost embarrassed, he smiled then, a genuine warm smile, not the kind he politely gave strangers, the kind reserved for his best friend, he patted her hand as he spoke “well. that´s a beautiful thing Tess”, he realized that his Texan accent had slipped out heavily with that phrase but he meant it, “but you´re scared, hm?” he knew her, he could read her in an instant, she nodded, “you know m Joel, I wasn´t prepared to feel like this. at all.” he understood, “yeah it´s always scary to care. trust me, I´m an expert in trying not to. but I need you to understand that you deserve this okay? hell, we went through so much awful shit, and you saved my ass so many times, I think it´s time for you to let all that go and give being happy a shot. as weird as it might feel to you at first, you deserve it.”

she was genuinely moved by that, leaning her head on her hands while looking at him, they usually expressed their care in other ways, not via words, so she knew it meant a lot for him to be that earnest, “I´ll try” she whispered, he gave her an encouraging nod before downing the rest of his water, “you know this is fun for me. it´s like I am getting a whole new friend out of this. you´re much better company when you have a pretty girl to fawn over”, he teased, earning himself a sharp look from her, “well I´m glad me losing my fucking mind is entertaining to you” she said, shaking her head, but clearly relieved that Joel knew how to help her ease up.

in Jackson there were generally only really two viable options when deciding what to do with your time at night: staying in, or going out to see who was hanging around at the bar, so the next day Tess and Joel found themselves leaving the house around 8pm to go have a drink, simultaneously cursing the cold air as they stepped outside, muttering things like “jesus fuck it´s cold”. 

naively Joel started talking to Tess about his day, some gossip he´d overheard, his plans for their garden, but Tess´s very short and unenthusiastic answers of “oh cool” or “I see” or “yeah”, made him suspect that she was not listening at all, that her mind was of course somewhere else completely, so to test if she was even remotely paying attention he said: “you know I was thinking about burning our house down. just letting the whole thing go up in flames” and Tess gave a mild nod and an “uh-huh” in response, her expression unchanged, which made him speak louder then and push her in the side, “Jesus Christ Tess, just go on and get her to come with us, this is unbearable” he shook his head in disbelief over his lovestruck friend as he said this, watching her snap out of her state of daydreaming, “so you´re trying to get me in trouble, huh?”, “oh come on, relax, nobody´s gonna think twice about two women talking to each other, they´ll be too busy getting shitfaced” he had a point. “go! get your girlfriend!” he said, teasing a little, pushing her to do it, “fuck off” she muttered, secretly enjoying “girlfriend” being used to address you, the word swirling around in her mind as she approached your house, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend almost a prayer like quality to the way its echo kept lingering in her ears, giving her something to put her faith in: the idea of maybe someday soon being able to refer to you as that. 

once you opened the door she didn´t even say hello, immediately opening with “go get a jacket, we´re going to get a drink”, you laughed, “damn okay, you´re wasting no time huh” she nodded, “you know me”, she realized that you looked much more refreshed than the night before, calm and healthy, she suspected you´d taken her order and gone easy on yourself during the day. 

as you walked down the street Tess assured you that she had Joel under control, that he wouldn´t be weird about it, so as you walked into the bar you followed her over to where he was waiting.

as you approached you saw that three shots were standing on the counter, he looked at both of you, “join me?”, which immediately made you relax, he seemed much less intimidating the moment he opened his mouth. all three of you stood there as you downed the shot, immediately twisting your faces as you felt the burn of the surprisingly strong liquor, “jesus did they pour us gasoline??” you said, which got a laugh out of him, the first of many that followed the minutes after when you all got more comfortable, Tess watching you charm him without even trying, all of you standing there by the bar, nursing your drinks, you giving them some of the inside scoop about Jackson they might not have picked up on yet, airing out some of your grievances, letting them share some of their own, it was clear to them you wouldn´t talk so a sense of trust was established within the hour so you spent together. 

once Tommy entered the bar and greeted you before talking to Joel about something private, you and Tess used the opportunity to slip away for a moment, heading to a quieter corner of the bar, sitting down by an empty table. you were tipsier than her since she could definitely handle her liquor better, but it was the nice kind of tipsy, a buzz that made you more prone to being honest, but also, to being affectionate so you had to remind yourself not to kiss her as she stared at you all lovingly, “what?” you said, leaning your hands on your folded hands, looking up at her with doe eyes, she cocked her head, smiling in a way that made her look young, girlish almost, “you should be proud of yourself, he never warms up to strangers this fast. but again, he´d have to be a fucking fool not to like you”.

you sounded a little drunk then as you said “you´re so sweet to me”, while staring at her, and in that moment Tess didn´t care anymore about what anyone might think, she wanted to touch you so she did, brushing your hair out of your face before caressing your cheek, watching your eyes widen as you realized what she´d just done, out in public, but it felt good, to be claimed in a way, so you leaned into it. not everyone noticed, it´s not like every person in town was that invested in what you two were doing, but Tommy immediately clocked it, his eyes flickered over to where Tess´s hand met your face, his own colored in shock as he hit Joel on the arm to draw his attention where he was looking, but Joel just took a sip of his drink, keeping his mouth shut. as Tommy saw the distinct lack of surprise on Joel´s face as he turned to him, he uttered under his breath “oh so you knew??” but Joel just shrugged, “hey, I love you brother, but not enough to spill her secrets to you” and after the initial shock settled Tommy shook his head and smiled to himself while staring down into his glass, “damn, she really went straight for the best one huh”, Joel laughed, “I won´t tell Maria that you said that”, “oh fuck off you know how what I mean”, and he did, during the hour that he´d spent with you and Tess it became clear to him why she liked you, and even clearer why you two had taken so little time to fall for each other. it was so obvious to him, that you were both the types to keep to yourself, to be a little stubborn and unwilling to open up, until you met someone you were utterly mesmerized by, and lucky for you, it had happened. 

it suddenly made his chest swell to witness a love like that forming right in front of his eyes because it reminded him of how romance had changed after the outbreak. nobody had time anymore for endless meaningless dates during the end of the world, survivors knew that it was a miracle to still be alive, and even more of a miracle to meet someone whom you could love, so no matter who they were, where they met, when two people saw a light in each other that might illuminate the endless dark of their world, most people usually went into that love shaking and afraid but determined to keep it, because everyone knew tomorrow was never promised. there was an urgency to love after the outbreak, a deep visceral need, a sense of now or never that sometimes ended up pushing people together who´d have never met before. every now and then the stars aligned and fated run ins ended up creating some of the most beautiful and unexpected unions, Joel thought back to Frank and Bill, about his brother and Maria, other couples he´d met, and how you and Tess were in a similar spot, terrified of the depth of your feelings, but so clearly made for each other, so clearly ready to finally open up. 

as he was thinking all that, Tess saw that your eyelids were getting heavier by the minute and asked “wanna get out of here?”, seeing you nod, a little sleepy and slurring your words as you said, “yeah. but to your bed, not mine” she smiled, “alright, let´s go then”, as she went over to your side of the table and helped you up, throwing a glance back to Joel who threw her a wave and a knowing look. 

once you were outside and the cool air hit your face you realized that the fact that she´d kind of outed you as lovers allowed you to abandon your previous restraint, so you huddled up with her, linking arms, tightly, walking to their house as a few snowflakes fell onto your faces, a giddiness to you that was partially due to the alcohol, mostly due to feeling like she´d somehow committed herself to you because there was no way she´d have done that with someone she had no intention of really being with, not that you ever doubted her but it felt good, to have solid proof of how much you mattered to her, enough to risk potential hostility from onlookers. “so, what made you do that?” you asked, clearly full of adoration for her, she looked at you from the side, holding you close, making sure you wouldn´t slip or fall, the uninhibited even brighter smile than usual on your face making her melt.

“oh well. I realized that pretty much all of them know about my not so spotless past by now, so.. I highly doubt any of them would dare to give us, me specifically, any trouble”, you laughed, nodding, “right. your past as a violent ruthless killer” drawing out the last words for dramatic effect, nudging her, messing with her a little, but instead of laughing she just raised her eyebrows at you, “I really don´t know what you´re using that ironic tone for, miss” you challenged her, “oh so you´re proud of all that, huh?” amused by her taking offense, she shrugged, “no. but maybe I should be, considering that you seem to get a little turned on whenever it comes up” you didn´t even try to protest because it was true, it did thrill you to think that she was capable of all that if needed, “well, maybe I have a thing for fucked up women” you teased, she laughed, “clearly I do too” pointing at you as she said it, you laughed too then, “look at us. match made in heaven” that one definitely wouldn´t have left your lips in a sober state and she just let the words linger in the air as you approached their house but she thought yes, sounds about right. 

walking up the stairs to her room she made you go in front of her, both of her hands on your back to sure you wouldn´t stumble and fall, making fun of you for being a lightweight but lovingly, she liked seeing you with your walls all the way down, grabbing her more freely and saying little things out loud you usually wouldn´t have, remarking upon her eye color, her hands, everything that came to mind, all of your thoughts tumbling out, a never ending list of things you liked about her, to a point where she almost told you to stop, blushing a little, which she usually never did. 

once you were in her room you immediately flopped face down onto her bed, groaning as you felt the soft bedding under you. Tess dutifully bent down to help you out of your shoes, a simple gesture that made you feel even softer towards her. once she´d also helped you out of your jacket she didn´t lay down but decided to sit next to you on the bed, tempted by the sight of you, pulling up your shirt all the way to your shoulders so she could caress your back, a “hmm” sound of approval from you the second she touched you, her fingertips running up and down your spine, stopping for a second as she saw a faint scar under your right shoulder blade, tracing it for a moment. “how´d you get this?” she asked, you obviously never looked at your own back and you couldn´t even think of where´d you´d gotten it, it was so long ago “don´t remember” you said as she leaned down to kiss the impact of that ancient injury, her lips resting there for a moment as she thought that she wanted all of your pain to be like that in the future: a distant memory, so far gone that it doesn´t have any hold on you anymore. she wanted nothing more than to give you a life that would be so full of love and warmth that you´d remember the rough years before knowing her with a sense of that all seems so far away, I can´t even recall the details. you were lost in the feeling of her impact on your exposed back as she kissed you all the way up to your neck, feeling you relax under her. 

after a while you wanted to see her again so you used all the strength that was left in your tired body to roll over onto your back, she laughed as she saw the effort it took and helped you move closer to her, “come here” she said while grabbing you, which ended up with you laying your head in her lap, staring up at her as she held your face on either side, smiling down at you, it struck you in that moment how perfect her face was to you, her hair framing it beautifully,“you´re so pretty” you said, drawing out the “y”, that was not the word people usually used for her and she shook her head while tracing your facial features with her index finger, “you´re the pretty one here baby”, the pet name got to you, you grinned, enjoying the feeling of her feathery touches on your face, lulling you into a state of sleepy bliss. laying on her thighs was about as comforting as anything in your life had ever been. 

“oh by the way” she said, watching you close your eyes for a moment, “hmm” you answered, “your schedule for the next month or so is cleared, no more working around town for a while” you were confused then, your eyes open again, her palms still warm on your cheeks, “what do you mean?”, a smug grin on her face, “well.. I thought a lot about what you told me last night, so I talked to Maria earlier. I asked her if she´d mind if I stole you away for a while to help me around the house. Joel is god awful at being indoors for too long, he´s better with the garden and the facade of the house, all that, so I suggested you should help me instead. and I think she said yes because she was just glad to see me warm up to someone but yeah..by the time Tommy gets home I think she´ll know what my actual reason for all that was” you nodded, smiling, taking it all in, “I´m surprised you think I´d be any help” you joked, “oh I think you can handle painting some walls sweetheart”, you nodded, “or, you know, how did you put it, I could “sit there and look pretty”, she laughed, stroking your hair, “exactly yes”, you realized that she´d done that to look out for you, to watch over you and make sure you weren´t doing anything stupid to yourself, which made you emotional then. 

you started to actually imagine it, spending your days with her and it seemed a little too good to be true, “that should be fun. you and me and an empty space” you grinned, “hm, let´s see how much work we actually get done huh”, “oh and Joel actually said we could decide what to do with the attic once we´re done with it. use it as a nice space to hang out in when you´re here or something” you laughed then, “I think he might have said that because he heard us last night, you know, trying to get us far away from his room” she laughed, considering it “maybe. but don´t worry, if he did hear us, you sounded hot” she teased, you slapped her arm then, “stop”. 

after a few more minutes of you laying there you both got ready for bed because it was clear that you were gonna stay over. she washed your face for you because she was scared of you hitting your head on the porcelain if you did it yourself, giving you some of her clothes to sleep in, a loose long sleeve shirt and oversized sweatpants, a similar kind to the ones she was wearing which you used mercilessly to your advantage, your hands slipping under her wide shirt the entire time you two were in the bathroom, feeling her wince a little each time, “you´re groping me” she joked as your hands wandered up her chest, “I am yes” you whispered before she told you to quit it and go to bed with her, but she loved it, having you all over her, being handsy, it was sweet considering how restrained you´d both been just a day before, debating whether holding hands in public was fine.

once you both got comfortable under the covers it took very little time for you to doze off. at first you laid on top of her for a while but then you moved to your side so you could face her, you both wanted to look at the other person so you ended up falling asleep as mirror images, one arm around the other person´s torso, feeling each other´s slow breaths as you feel asleep, your body heat keeping the other person warm during the snowy night. 

it was a symbolic image, the way you two laid there like two perfect halves, because even though you´d lead very different lives leading up to that moment, you were both experiencing the same exact thing: a new beginning. your love was going to change your lives drastically, you both felt it in your bones. for you it was an awakening, for her it was a rebirth. for you it would mean finally coming alive, finally feeling present and like it was worth it to have been born regardless of the mess that happened in the world so shortly after, for her it would mean embracing a third period of her life, after growing up in the normal word and then going through hell with Joel in the QZ, she was finally going to leave behind the guilt and shame about what she´d done to survive the decades before, what she´d done to get to the point of meeting you and finally seeing a light at the end of a tunnel she didn´t even know she could ever get out of.

that was where the acute sense of nervousness had come from for both of you, that fated feeling of: this woman is going to change everything.

laying there together that night, safe and content in each other´s arms, you both felt no fear anymore, only the deep calm of knowing you were only at the very beginning of a love so transformative you would finally know what it feels like to stop surviving and start living again.  

you were both convinced the other one had saved you. you were both right.

[elleloquently]

invisible string [5] : ellie williams

part four

| college!ellie x female!reader - thank you once again for being patient! comments are highly appreciated, as are reblogs <3 hearing from you all gets me so excited to write more for this little series!!

| c/w - anxiety

the sunlight woke you up in the morning, rays peeking in from your dorm window until your entire room looked vibrant and bright. it was an optimistic start. you weren't exactly a morning person, no matter how hard you tried, but the promise of seeing ellie was enough to make you spring up in bed, tossing the covers messily around your feet. 

you felt around for your phone, lost somewhere within the blankets. it was a nasty habit you developed only after getting ellie's number, falling asleep with your phone tangled in your bedding instead of putting it up and away for the night.

you quickly pulled it free, delighted to be greeted with a message from your new favorite person about confirming your plans for the day.

new favorite person.

you let your phone drop in your lap. it was hard to keep reminding yourself not to get ahead of things... but ellie made it hard. she stuck around, essentially went out of her way to speak to you and even make plans. it could be easy to dismiss everything, to let your anxiety take control once again and convince yourself that it meant nothing, that you're reading into things and making things up and practically daydreaming about ellie actually caring about you...

but she really did, didn't she? she had basically admitted it the night before, unless you really were reading into it...?

her quiet confession still rang true in your ears.

'honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you.'

ellie stuck around. for you.

it had to mean something. whether it be a friendship, or... she cared about you, in some way, and you weren't going to push that aside simply because you were sure that it was too good to be true. the semester would end soon anyway, would you keep this up during winter break, throughout next semester? one thing was for certain, you weren't going to miss out on getting to know her more, getting to spend time with her. it was dumb luck, a class crush turned into something more and you would leap at the chance.

nerves ate away at you after leaving bed and getting ready, prepping to see ellie at 12:30 like you had agreed. she was even going to meet you at your dorm. it was polite but felt so formal, you were glad to have the study guide as a somewhat buffer for your nerves. even though it obviously wasn't your first meet up, if you were judged solely on your level of nervousness, anyone could be mistaken. ellie was a comforting presence to be around, but yet she was so intimidating. you honestly just wanted to drink her up, learning anything and everything you could about the girl.

you were zipping your bag when a soft chime rang through the air, your phone's notification breaking through the silence and your train of thought. it was a declaration of arrival and ellie was there, waiting for you outside of your building.

you immediately booked it into high gear, sparing only one last fleeting moment to glance in the mirror, making sure everything was exactly how you had wanted. after feeling like such a mess the previous night, you wanted to be easy-going and light hearted today, especially to continue to make a good impression.

nearly racing down the stairs, (the elevator always took far too long,) you made it to the ground level in record time. despite the misleading sunshine it was still miserably cold outside, and you didn't want ellie waiting for you long in the wind.

she was easy to spot once you were outside. ellie was just a few feet away from the main entrance, hands shoved in her pockets with a lopsided grin on her face upon seeing you.

"hey," ellie called, watching as you walked over to her. you grinned. the sound of her voice directed towards you was simply too much.

"i don't feel like studying today," you responded as a greeting. it was honest but joke-y, good to break the ice. not that the ice necessarily needed breaking, again, but perhaps just a little thawed. being anxious usually made things like that.

ellie snorted at your remark, shaking her head. "then we're off to a great start."

after the events of the previous night, you were grateful to have something to talk about that didn't revolve around schoolwork. of course, you had normal conversations about your lives, hobbies and interests, but sometimes it was difficult to pull a conversation topic out of thin air, especially with something as fresh as this thing with ellie.

regardless, you debriefed, discussing last night's most hilarious and dreadful moments while you walked alongside each other. ellie's laugh was a symphony and you revealed in it, playing up a bit if she found it especially funny. you were quick to find your footing today, maybe because you had seen her and hung out with her outside of campus and for some reason now it felt more real.

bumping shoulders occasionally while you walked, you opted to return to the dining hall that you previously hung out at. (ellie had referred to it as “our place” and even though you had only gone once before, your voice caught in your throat.)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

the dining hall was crowded.

any confidence you had built up while getting ready and walking to your destination was quickly squished away. you sat now, red in the face and humbled as you toyed with a straw wrapper. ellie was hunched over her side of the table, focused on the study guide and trying to tune you in while tuning everybody else out.

you managed to score an empty table but it wasn’t ideal. at the table to your right, a group of guys were loudly debating something. to your left, girls with hoarse voices going over drama from some party.

you shrunk down lower in your seat, flicking the wrapper across the paper that was on the table in front of you. it was almost too loud to think, and you always avoided the dining hall if it was this unbearable. you attempted to steady your breathing but it happened louder than you expected, coming out like a sigh.

it was enough to draw ellie's attention, her eyebrows knitting together as her gaze slowly lifted to you.

"are you alright?" she questioned. you nodded, eyes wide. it was embarrassing. you didn't want her to feel like you were bored.

"we'll get it done, don't worry," ellie reassured you, which was sweet. she thought you were stressed about the study guide, (to be fair, you were, just not in that exact moment) so it was slightly relieving that you didn't appear to be as anxious as you felt.

"i know," you smiled because ellie was watching for your reaction. you debated for just a moment whether or not to indulge her, ellie's green eyes boring into your own. "it's just really loud," you admitted.

"and crowded," ellie added. this caused you to perk up, sitting up straighter.

"yeah," you enthused, happy your feelings weren't isolating. "i just don't really love it," you tried. treading lightly.

"this actually blows," ellie concluded. your smile grew into a grin, a contrast from your shared words but it was genuine.

"do you wanna go?" you questioned, happy to stay for ellie's sake but itching to leave, the cold would be better than another ten minutes where you currently were.

you seemed quite chipper but ellie faltered, her smile dropping noticeably after you had spoke.

"oh," you said automatically, quick to clarify. "we could go somewhere else."

you would've crossed your fingers if ellie wouldn't have seen. she recovered quickly and nodded. "we could go to mine."

your heart flipped.

ellie's tone was casual as she dropped her offer, but the tips of her ears were pink. maybe she was simply anxious like you, but suddenly reading too far into it felt like a game.

you grew eager quite quickly, to see how she liked to decorate and if she kept things tidy or couldn't help but have a few jackets thrown throughout the room.

nodding in agreement, accepting ellie's offer, she didn't hesitate to gather her things and stand up from the table. you followed suit, certainly in a trance.

the getaway was quick but the walk was slow, casual. neither of you were in a rush to hurry and arrive, finish the study guide, and say goodbye. you were genuinely hanging out, and you couldn't decide if you were more excited or more nervous. you peered over at ellie, who was breathing out on purpose, watching the cold swirl in the air. you wondered if she was nervous too, nervous about you seeing her room. it felt sort of intimate, but maybe only because you were prone to overthinking.

her building wasn't much different compared to yours, though you stuffed yourselves into the elevator, shoulder to shoulder so you didn't have to graze anyone else.

ellie felt awkward now, you could tell. she shuffled her a feet a little upon reaching her door, her first attempt at unlocking it failed by her fumbling hands. the action only made you feel more confident, determined to make her feel comfortable and not regret letting you into her space.

ellie held the door open with one hand, gesturing for you to step inside with the other hand after flicking on the light. you stepped in front of her, given her cue, and breathed out a sigh.

it was like getting a peek inside of her mind, viewing ellie's room. she watched you carefully with baited breath as you stepped around her room, taking it all in.

it was clean, but there was a hoodie thrown on the back of her chair. she had a couple of plants, comics, and posters too. they were band posters, and there was a solar system map above her bed. it caught your interest, and you threw an approving smile over your shoulder at ellie.

"you know those little glow in the dark stars that kids put on the walls and ceilings and stuff?" you asked her, feeling as though you had to speak quietly. everything was so still.

ellie nodded, glancing over you as you face towards her.

"i still have them," you admit.

ellie's gaze softens and she smiles in adoration. she doesn't speak, but her reaction is tender enough and you're satisfied. you look over the solar system once more before your eyes move to a different wall, one with a lot less open space. pictures and drawings are arranged, drawing your attention. you glance at ellie again, silently asking for permission, and she nods. you move closer to examine the pictures, but your eyes catch on one thing in particular.

it's a colorful post it note, the one with your doodle that you had signed. on her wall.

ellie had said that she was going to keep it, but you didn't expect her to put it up. hers were on your wall too of course, but it felt like a secret, harboring a crush with her drawings on your wall. this felt equal, and it made you feel brave.

"my drawing," you spoke, breaking the silence. you turned to look at ellie once more, waiting for her response. instead her face paled, almost as if she had been caught.

shit. was she embarrassed? you felt horrible for thinking it, but it made you feel better. equal. brave.

"i have yours on my wall too," you confessed. ellie's lips parted in surprise but she was so good at catching herself. her smile was crooked as a laugh escaped her lips. "no way," she remarked. flustered. proud. relieved.

"it's true," you played into it. "signed by the artist herself and everything. it's real valuable."

scoffing, ellie took a few steps closer so she stood just behind your shoulder as you turned back to peer at her wall some more.

"real funny," she grumbled, but you could hear the smile in her voice anyway.

she had some of her own drawings on the wall too, you could tell because it matched ellie's art style from her doodles.

"these are really good," you breathed, taking in every detail sketched by her pen.

"yeah?" ellie glanced at you sideways, watching you take in her artwork.

your heart seized, feeling lucky to have doodles done by ellie williams on your wall. you wanted even more. you wondered suddenly if any other girls had drawings done by ellie on their walls too, and you scrunched up your nose. it was a weird thought, and you forcibly shoved it away by moving on to the pictures.

some of the pictures looked recent, while others were obviously much older. the majority of the pictures featured her alongside other people. some were photobooth strips, with ellie making ridiculous faces at the camera. they looked old. other pictures were like that too, goofy faces and bunny ears with an older man and people who were most likely her friends. some of them were sweet, smiling photos and a few candids of small groups together.

it made your heart feel warm as you took them in, getting a peek at ellie's life while unveiling another layer. you felt soft for the girl and you wanted to hear stories, but you were weary of being invasive.

a lot of pictures featured dina and a guy, who you assumed to be jesse. they seemed to be a close trio, and you wanted to confirm it.

"that's dina," you pointed her out in one particular photo. ellie hummed, confirming. you only met her once, and it was pretty dark, but she was nice.

you pointed the guy out now, looking to ellie. "is that jesse?"

ellie nodded, giving you a small, encouraging smile.

you hoped that it was sweet, thoughtful that you had remembered the important people in her life. you moved your gaze back to the several photos that included the older man. they were younger in some of the pictures, both him and ellie victim to the bunny ears in seperate photos. there was a picture of them smiling at what looked to be a museum, with huge dinosaur bones behind them. they were both wearing silly hats and your lips lifted into a smile. in another, a much younger ellie was wearing an astronaut type of helmet, grinning wildly at the camera.

the recent photos were cute too. a lot were of them smiling together with varying backgrounds. in one picture you spotted a massive banner from your college, the one that was set up on move in day from freshman year. so many parents had pressed for photos, incoming students smiling through tears or grumbling about being embarrassed while posing. you stifled a laugh, leaning in closer.

ellie was stood in front of the banner, an awkward smile that looked more like a grimace was plastered on her face. she weakly held a thumbs up, while the man at her side was grinning proudly.

"ellie," you spoke. "is that joel?"

ellie smiled knowingly. "yeah. that's joel."

you grinned, pleased with your correct assumption. she had told you about him before, and now you could finally put a face to the name.

moving on from the pictures, you finally noticed a guitar nestled into the corner of the room by her desk.

"oh man," you sighed, rushing over to it. "ellie, it's so cool."

"joel gave it to me," ellie responded. "he actually taught me how to play," she explained.

you appreciated the tidbit, especially since before she had seemed shy at any mention of her playing the guitar.

"that's so cool," you said honestly.

ellie shrugged, modest, but still she smiled. she watched as you basically admired the things around her room, not wanting to pull you away but desperate to finish the study guide so that you could both focus on anything but that.

"alright," ellie began, posing the dreadful order. "let's finish this, shall we?"

sighing in resignation, you let your bag fall dramatically off of your shoulder and onto the floor, the thud softened by a rug as it landed next to your feet. "the sooner it's over, the better."

"no argument there," ellie uttered, plopping down onto her bed with a huff. you hesitated momentarily, considering sitting down in her desk chair but her words got to you first.

"you can sit up here," she mused, eyebrow raising at the look of panic that must've etched itself upon your face. ellie kicked off her converse, playfully rolling her eyes at your frozen state. it was your turn now to feel insecure. you shoved off your shoes, carefully setting them off to the side and placing your bag on her bed.

"sure?" you questioned, eyebrow raising. ellie nodded once and patted the bed. you sat across from her, cheeks noticeably heating up.

last night you had seen her off campus, and now you were on her bed. it was enough to make your head spin, but for now you had to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"and then he was like," you put on your most obnoxious guy voice, making it deep and stupid. "only one? you need more than that, blah blah blah."

ellie snorted, rifling through the assortment of snacks that had been dumped on the bed.

it took nearly two hours, but the study guide was out of sight, out of mind. you sat on ellie's bed, legs crossed.

"jesus dude," ellie muttered, sounded bewildered. "i still feel bad about scaring you though."

"please don't," you insisted. "you seriously saved me." your giggles teetered out and you glanced at ellie seriously. "and thank you for driving me back last night. things were obviously not going well for me, so," you played with the end fringe of a forest green throw blanket.

"anytime," ellie replied. her tone was lighthearted but the serious nature of your comment made her feel jittery, hands drumming on her thighs. you tensed, not wanting to be the reason for an awkward silence. ellie surprised you, however, when she swallowed hard and continued on.

"i thought you might've been out with like, your boyfriend, or someone."

you slowly met her eyes, heart pounding at her side comment. it was so unnecessary, and so obviously bait. it had to be, even if you were overthinking, because you had talked frequently and if you were dating someone it certainly would've come up by now.

you indulged her anyway, wiping your palms on your pants. "no boyfriend," you clarified, shaking your head.

it felt so stupid yet so important, the direction that the conversation was headed in.

"you could've been out with your boyfriend," you retorted, but the words sounded so idiotic leaving your mouth.

ellie snorted, genuinely caught off guard. "no boyfriend," she laughed scrunching her nose.

obviously, you thought.

ellie was amused, and you felt as though you were on the defense.

"whatever," you waved your hand, clearly embarrassed.

ellie laughed at you, but it wasn't mean. the sound was nice anyway, so you smiled, eyes crinkling. you felt lucky to be hanging out without the pressure of school hanging over your head. it meant that she actually wanted to spend time with you, not just for the sake of studying. you liked it like this, being able to just talk and get to know ellie. you liked having an excuse to look at her, too. she talked with her hands a lot, and you couldn't help but long for the feeling of her arm around your waist again, even if you felt guilty for thinking it.

"have you ever had a boyfriend?" ellie questioned suddenly. she wasn't good at pretending to sound casual and your stomach twisted.

wordlessly and trying to ignore how hard ellie was watching, you shrugged. "nothing serious," you tried to explain. "have you dated?" you asked back, purposefully leaving the statement vague.

"yeah," ellie clicked. "i've dated."

you tried not to allow your reaction to be evident on your face. of course she has. you felt honestly bitter, and even more irritated that she stayed vague as well.

the conversation lulled, panic settling in your emotions as you both grew quiet. you couldn't get a read on ellie, and you wondered if it was maybe because she didn't want you to. the idea taunted you, and you nearly wanted to take the plunge and ask her something that could change everything but maybe you didn't want to change anything, maybe you wanted to be content with being her friend and hanging out like this and helping each other study, maybe it was just better that way? you could try to convince yourself, but the nagging feeling would still eat away at you, what would happen if you could just confess-

"can i ask you a question?" you blurted out.

ellie sat forward, putting her elbows on her knees and resting her chin on top of her hands.

"why'd you sit next to me? in class? you always sat in the same spot and then... out of nowhere you just, why'd you do that?"

her eyebrows drew together as ellie contemplated which point to advance on first. you must've looked nervous because ellie's tone was teasing when she next spoke.

"actually, you sat next to me," she teased pointedly. "and you paid attention to where i sat every day?"

your face burned and you scrambled to back track, self conscious under her gaze.

"come on," you huffed. "everyone sat in the same seats all semester. i did sit next to you but you were sitting next to my seat!" you rambled, defending yourself.

"come on," ellie mocked, though she hesitated to meet your eyes. "iiiit's not a big deal," she breathed, drawing out the sound of the vowel.

you unwillingly retreated, but still wanted to pry for more. neither of you could commit. you would nearly knock down a wall and right when it was almost there, you gave up, never truly making any progress. still, you wondered if the territory was even worth recovering.

"ellie," you started again. "i'm glad you showed up for the study group that day, or, actually, that i showed up."

it was innocent enough, it didn't have to mean much but it could mean more if either of you wanted it too.

"yeah. me too," ellie responded quietly. she finally met your eyes again but you didn't shy away.

"ellie-"

she murmured your name in response, copying your tone. you faltered, too caught off guard to smoothly recover from it.

"you swear i didn't impose last night?" you asked.

'honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you.' the words stuck in your mind, and you were curious if she would say something similar now or go back on her word.

"swear," ellie said automatically. she didn't need to think about her answer, it was true and there was no denying it. her certainty had you feeling optimistic like the morning sun. you couldn't help but bring the conversation back to the previous evening, your skin burned under her touch and you yearned for it now, any confirmation that she could possibly feel the same way.

"i'm glad you were there last night too," you said, hoping you didn't sound too repetitive. you already expressed your gratitude a few minutes ago, but you needed something.

ellie smiled despite herself, your willingness to push forward impressing and amusing her.

"hey," ellie murmured. "i'm glad you were there too," she quietly admitted.

your pulse quickened at the sincerity and sighed. "i wish i would've talked to you earlier on in the semester... we could've been friends," you said wistfully.

"friends," ellie muttered, picking at her nail.

you squinted at her and she spoke up. "we are friends," she offered.

the confirmation was nice but something about her tone left you wanting. you were glad that she thought of you as a friend, but you still liked her.

"why'd you invite me to study with you? in the library?"

harmless, but you were definitely toeing the line of being annoying.

"you're very inquisitive," ellie mused. her tone was gentle but she moved her gaze to the ceiling. "we don't have to do this now."

do what? you wanted to ask, but you knew it was getting to be too much. you had your answer, after all. if it were a normal, casual situation, she could've given you an easy answer. but she didn't, so there must've been something there. you smiled down at your lap and ellie looked at you, wondering.

wanting the pressure off of herself, since you felt inspired to ask her so many questions, ellie decided to do the same.

"why'd you stay?" she pressed, taunting as she leaned closer to you.

you stiffened, looking at her from under your eyelashes. "what do you mean?"

"when i invited you to sit with me in the library," ellie clarified.

"oh," you said flatly. "to study. you needed help, didn't you?"

a look of confusion crossed ellie's face briefly before something clicked. whatever registered made her smile like she knew a secret, and she nodded. "uh huh," she breathed out.

you looked puzzled but ellie left it alone. unsatisfied, you decided to be more honest.

"plus... you just invited me, you know? you always looked cool and intimidating... i guess i wanted to, you know, get to know you?"

"what," ellie laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "you're lying," she accuses.

"i am not!" you exclaim, gaping at her. you jokingly wack at her arm, but her reflexes are too quick and she catches your wrist in her hand.

you swallow hard, freezing at her touch. ellie's lips twitch and she slowly releases you, your arm flopping comically down on the bed.

"i'm not lying," you persist, nearly having to force yourself not to whisper. "honestly? i've wanted to talk to you for awhile." you feel sick at your confession, despite its innocence.

"why didn't you?"

"i don't know. scared?"

"scared of me?" ellie questions, sounding concerned.

"no," you quickly clarify. "not scared of you, just..." well, maybe you were a little scared of her. maybe you still were, judging by how quickly your heart was beating. your knees bumped against hers, but you didn't feel like you had to apologize. it was comfortable.

"well, you're talking to me now," ellie offered, glancing quickly at your legs once your knees touched.

"i know!"

"i'm glad you are," ellie spoke softly, carefully watching your reaction.

"yeah? me too," you reply, not overthinking the idea of conveying your feelings for once. there was so much that was still unsaid, but in way it was still revealing. you were happy even to just be there, sitting with ellie and talking with ellie and existing with ellie, and you were starting to feel pretty sure that she felt the same way.

[ part six ]

[sidekick-hero]

💫 Sandy, she/her, 30s, Europe 💫

writing tag ✍️ My AO3

🌈 Multichapter Fics 🌈

Suitcase of Memories (55k | explicit | co-written with @legitcookie)

Boy meets boy. Boy meets boy again. And again, so they decided to go on a date about it. But as they grow closer, Steve's insecurities threaten to pull them apart before they can even begin. Will fate intervene?

I wore his jacket for the longest time (58k | explicit | co-written with @legitcookie | Sequel to we pass the ghosts that haunt us later) 

Steve has made some bad choices in the past, choices that have cost him his marriage, and even worse than that, Eddie. The man he didn't realize he was in love with until it was too late. Now Steve must pick up the pieces of his life and figure out how to become the man he wants to be.

It's a story about love lost and love found, about the importance of friendship and family, and most of all, about second chances and how it's never too late to change.

I'll keep you like an oath (may nothing but death do us part) (20k | mature)

When Steve's grandmother dies, he finds out that he can only get his inheritance - half a million dollars - if he marries someone. It's her way of forcing Steve to live a heterosexual life. Sucks for her that gay marriage has been legalized since she wrote her will. Sucks for Steve that he doesn't have a man or woman in his life to marry.

Cue Eddie Munson, roommate and best friend of Robin's girlfriend Chrissy and the guy Steve has had a crush on for years. What could possibly go wrong?

I’m tired of asking to settle the debt (18k | explicit)

5 times Eddie warms Steve's hands and that one time Steve returns the favor.

Or: What if Steve and Eddie had met before the events of season 4? What if they kept bumping into each other because it was meant to be?

hold me close (I’m shaking apart) (WIP (2/3) | 15k | explicit)

It all came down to one simple truth: Steve Harrington was not at all what Eddie expected him to be, and it was confusing him to no end.

Or: Steve asks Eddie if he wants to experiment. Eddie wants so much more, but he takes what he can get and tries to not let it break his heart.

Dear Future Self (14.5k | explicit | pwp)

After the events of March '86, Eddie pines for his new friend, the former king of Hawkins High. Too scared to make a move, he has resigned himself to a life as Steve's friend and nothing more. That is, until one hot summer day, a naked guy appears out of nowhere in Steve's bedroom.

The naked guy is him from the future, and he says he's here to help Eddie pull his head out of his ass. It turns out that he and Steve are a happy couple in the future.

And as if that wasn't enough, he also offers to teach Eddie how to properly fulfill Stevie's needs. Sexy shenanigans ensue.

tangled with what I never said (4.1k | mature | angst with a happy ending)

And they were roomates.

🌈 Series 🌈

Modern AU - Teacher Steve and Musician Eddie (11k in 5 parts | rated T to explicit)

Just some snippets from the life of Teacher Steve Harrington and Wedding Band Singer turned Rockstar Eddie Munson.

Runner Steve Verse (14k in 2 parts | explicit)

Steve starts running to get out of his head. He finds that maybe he's been running towards something (or someone) all along.

🌈 One-Shots 10k+ 🌈

to the rhythm of eternity (18k | explicit)

The last two years Steve and Eddie have been doing the long distance thing when Steve visits Eddie in London for Christmas and falls in love with the city as well.

Emotional Motion Sickness (16.5k | explicit)

Steve's first night at a gay bar turns into something he never expected. He accidentally stumbles into a theme night - Kink Night - and discovers something new about himself.

🌈 One-Shots 5-10k 🌈

Would you fall for me? (8.8k | explicit | Porn with plot)

One-sided enemies to lovers au inspired by that cake scene in red, white and royal blue.

I'm down on my knees (I wanna take you there) (8.5k | explicit | Porn with feelings)

"I liked... how it felt when you held me by the throat. Just. Feeling your hands, knowing that I could let go and you'd got me. I felt, I dunno, safe? That's what I liked about it, I think."

Sequel to Emotional Motion Sickness.

Will you cleanse me with pleasure? (8.4k | explicit | PWP with tentacle love making)

Steve thinks it’s safe to say that he knows everything important about Eddie when they finally decide to move in together.

Everything, it turns out, except that Eddie sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night at least once a week.

he's all that I've got (don’t take that sinner from me) (8k | explicit | open but hinted at happy ending)

Eddie is on the run after still being blamed for the murders in Hawkins, but he can't run away from Steve.

Part 2: take you with me (mature | 2.1k)

The way you touch, the way you taste (7.1k | explicit | PWP)

Gareth, Jeff and Freak hire Steve to take Eddie's virginity on his birthday. Eddie takes Steve's heart in the process. Entry for the sub Eddie week.

You know I'm a show off (I would let you get some) (6.4k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie's neighbor is the hottest man in existence, so when he finds him washing his car in the shortest shorts known to man he can't stay away.

Love from the other side (6.2k | mature)

Steve works in the emergency room, where he has lost several patients with gaping wounds on their necks, the blood drained from their bodies. It's only because of Eddie, who is a vampire himself, that Steve doesn't end up like them, but what will he do when it's Eddie who needs help?

Part 2: sink you teeth

we were meant to be (we live happily in my fantasy) (5.6k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie is a Big-Shot-Rockstar and Steve is the escort he hired to get people off his back. Too bad he fell in love with him.

When I open my eyes to the future I can hear you say my name (5k | explicit | PWP)

Even after almost a decade together you can still discover new kinks.

Will the man become the monster, or the monster become man? (5k | explicit | PWP)

Beauty and the Beast AU with a twist: What if, once a month, the prince turns back into the beast?

🌈 One-Shots 1k-5k 🌈

I’ve got to get you out of my mind (and back into my arms) (4.7k | explicit | PWP)

Every once in a while, Steve and Eddie like to spice up their sex life and go out to play.

Lay all your love on me (4.6k | explicit | porn with feelings)

Steve feels lonely on Valentine's Day '87 and a certain metalhead sets out to change that.

wear me like a locket around your throat (4.5k | explicit | PWP co-written with @yournowheregirl)

It doesn't really matter why, the fact remains that Eddie is making Steve a little bit feral, and the animal part of his brain demanded that he do something about it.

And that's why he bought Eddie a fucking collar, of all things.

tell me it's love, tell me it's real (4k | explicit | PWP co-written with @yournowheregirl)

The infamous piano scene from Pretty Woman (1990).

Carry You (4k | teen)

Written for @steddielovemonth, prompt: Love is letting someone take care of you.

Eddie is living the rockstar life, but it comes with a prize. When he reaches a point where he can't go on like that, will he finally let Steve carry him?

Part 2: Dear Steve (teen | 2.3k)

we tangle endlessly like lovers entwined (3.4k | explicit | Porn with feelings)

It's canon Steve likes to hold hands during sex.

Safe Haven (3.2k | teen)

Eddie finds a hurt wolf in the woods and takes him home. He has no idea that there is more to this particular wolf than it seems.

Part 2: Eat you alive (wc: 1.8k | mature)

Drowning In You (3.2k | teen | co-written with @legitcookie)

Steve and Eddie spend some time swimming at the quarry. At night. In just their underwear. As you do.

on the tip of my tongue, on top of my thighs (2.8k | explicit | PWP)

Eddie may be a little obsessed with Steve's chest. Okay, drop the a little.

The road to hell (2.8k | mature | demon!Steve crack fic)

Based on the prompt: It’s a bit awkward that you managed to actually summon a demon; almost as awkward as that demon being your ex spouse.

He was sweet like honey (2.7k | explicit | PWP)

Steve loves mint chocolate chip ice cream. Eddie loathes it. But Steve has an idea how he can change Eddie's mind.

will you take me home (2.7k | teen)

Robin wants to adopt a cat, so why does Steve end up with one, too?

Rooting for you (2.6k | explicit)

Steve screwed up, no way around it. Fucked up big time.

In his defense, he didn't know that Eddie was in love with him. How could he have known? For all intents and purposes, they were just two horny guys hooking up.

safe & sound (2.5k | teen)

What happens when Steve meets Eddie Munson, who has just failed his senior year for the first time, during one of his nightly drives?

are you still mine? (2.4k | teen)

"He kissed me," Steve blurts out, and to Robin's credit, she doesn't react except for her hand on his to twitch in surprise. She makes a questioning sound in her throat, clearly waiting for more.

So much (for) Stardust (2.3k | teen)

A scene from an upcoming fic Pickup Note with @thefreakandthehair and art by @firefly-party. Steve can't sleep and Eddie takes him stargazing.

the past, the future, through death my arms are open (2.1k | mature)

second part to are you still mine? where Steve remembers another moment from their shared past where Eddie has been there for him even when he didn't ask for it

will you find me in the stars (2.1k | mature)

In every life, in every universe, they will find each other again. What’s a lifetime if you measure it in eternity?

true colors (2.1k | explicit)

Eddie's heart is beating for Steve but it takes Steve a bit to understand what it is saying.

Slaying Dragons (2.1k | gen)

Eddie was six years old when he first met Steve, not that he would remember it until much, much later.

Blinded by you (2.1k | teen)

The one in which Eddie is a hot mess but Paramedic Steve doesn't mind.

Crutch (2k | mature)

Steve loves Eddie, he really, really does. He just can’t say it.

Louder (2k | explicit | PWP)

While laying in bed, the two of them can't help but overhear their upstairs neighbors going at it rather loudly. Eddie turns to Steve after a while, and asks, You wanna fuck louder than them to establish dominance?

(I just) died in your arms (1.9k | teen | co-written with @legitcookie and @yournowheregirl)

"Hey, Steve, hi. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here." Eddie smiles nervously. When Steve just blinks at him, he takes that as a cue to continue.

"Funny story, actually," He laughs. The lack of sleep must be kicking in, which always makes him feel a little drunk and giddy. "There's this really annoying pipe in my room that's slowly driving me crazy, and I really, really, really need to get some sleep, man. I might even start crying if I don't get some soon. So, I was wondering... Could I crash in here?"

Someone New (1.7k | teen)

After Vecna, Eddie thinks he lost something vital, the one thing that made him Eddie. Steve teaches him that that's not true.

Butterfly Effect (1.5k | mature)

Eddie Munson is bad at feelings, but Steve makes him talk about them anyway, at least in metaphors.

Your scent (it clings to every blanket, sheet and pillowcase) (1.5k | mature)

Life after March '86 is very different from life before. For one thing, he never almost died before. Nor did he ever have anyone accuse him of murder, never mind murders, as in plural.

But then again, he didn't have Steve Harrington before either.

Until I found you (1.5k | mature)

Steve reminds Eddie that you can't buy happiness, you find it in each other.

You got a fast car (1.4k | teen)

"If we leave now, we can be in Indiana before midnight," Steve hears himself say, the decision already made, because the alternative is blood and pain and sorrow.

something about us (1.4k | teen)

What starts out as one of the worst nights of his college life turns into something else when Steve meets Eddie while being banned from his dorm room in the middle of the night thanks to some asshole setting off the fire alarm.

when we were made it was no accident (1.2k | teen)

Steve and Eddie just started dating, it's all new, it's all fragile and most of all, it's still a secret. So when they have a soundcheck coming up, they can't both be late because they can't make themselves to leave the bed, can't they? (part of @thefreakandthehair and @firefly-party and mine project pickup note)

we can be heroes (1.2k | gen)

Love makes Steve brave. And Steve loves fast and hard.

Once those two things become a certainty in Eddie's mind, other things fall into place.

When it rains and shines (1.2k | teen)

written for the stwg daily prompt kiss in the rain

only soul I ever saved (1.1k | explicit)

With Steve, Eddie can be soft. Obediant and sweet. With Steve, Eddie can be a good boy.

hate to be lame (1.1k | mature)

Eddie and Steve are spies working for competing agencies. They make it work.

Somehow, I just want you more (1k | teen)

When Chrissy sets Eddie up for a blind date he did not expect to find a ghost from his past waiting for him.

🌈 Drabbles (<1k) 🌈

I want you to want me (921 | teen)

let the impulse to love and the instinct to kill entangle to one (918 | teen)

Connoisseur of Comfort (652 | gen)

Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire (548 | explicit)

Show them (Baby I'm yours)  (534 | explicit)

Sugar, I got a taste for you now (480 | explicit)

Okay, so I'm the dragon. Big deal. (442 | gen)

always on the tip of my tongue (387 | teen)

Deflated. Devoured. Defiled. (311 | explicit)

hole-in-the-wall (404 | gen)

love bites (404 | mature)

mine (404 | explicit)

Ahoy Sailor! (404 | mature)

My arms belong around you (509 | mature)

Like real people do (846 | gen)

that ultra-kind of love (you never walk away from) (509 | teen)

Let Go (509 | explicit)

Anything for love (790 | teen)

moonlit bonding (388 | teen)

blow my candle (290 | explicit)

Strangers Passing (380 | teen)

Sir Lancelot (482 | teen)

On top of the world (616 | teen)

Along for the ride (510 | teen)

[fromashesweriseuphiddenones]

Thoughts on Haytham

- from both ( @thegrandmasterhaytham & @mythicalvoid787 )

So there are 30 Templars I use in my writing and Rp with a split of 16 for the Selfish and 14 for the more noble ones. Haytham Kenway to me falls into the noble side of the Templars.

The noble Templars are those who despite the nature of wanting complete order still do their best to protect humanity and even go as far as to either protect or work with the assassins. Some other examples of the more noble ones are The De leserres, Robert De Sable, Alfred the Great, Shay Cormac, and yes I count him Edward Kenway.

Look if Shay counts as an assassin but never fully fledged, then Edward counts as a Templar never taking the order's vows, though he did work for them and gained from it.

In a list of top ten favorite Templars Haytham Kenway ranks in at number two because of his story, how he acts both to protect the native people from slavery and he told Lee to leave them alone God damn it man can you not listen to orders?! God Robert's men were better at this balance. Anyway.

Okay as far as Haytham Kenway goes as a character and why I like him? He is more complex. Rouge and 3 and a little bit of Black Flag give us small glimpses into who he is. I honestly think Jango Fett's line to Kenobi works best here

"I am just a simple man trying to make my way in the galaxy."

Though it would be the world but you get it.

Who is Haytham?

Really deep down, a traumatized ten year old who lost his father in a violent manner, who tried fighting back actually killing someone, who's mother his only other adult parent shunned and turned her back on him for killing, a little boy who's older sister was kidnapped (who truly knows what happens to Jennifer when she was in Damascus), and a boy who was groomed into a Templar. Again I pull a quote from Kingdom Hearts 2

"Xaldin... that's his name. He came from the darkness... He...used my anger to control me. He took all my sorrow, my sadness, my pain—and turned it all into rage. There was nothing I could do... I could no longer see the truth."

Though for Haytham it would be Birch. Brich brainwashed him into being a Templar, it didn't fully work because there was still enough of Edward in Haytham that he himself had killed Templars leading to the destruction of the colonial rite.

Haytham Kenway is a family man that is clear. He loves his parents, looks after his sister, respects Ziio enough to stay away when she tells him to and works with Ratohnhaké:ton even getting a bit miffed the Red Coat for saying "tasting the wild fruits" you cannot tell me he wasn't pissed that Ziio got insulted and that Ratohnhaké:ton was the only one mad. You also can't tell me he wasn't somewhat proud of the man his son had become.

As far as Desmond's ancestors go I would honestly put him at number Three because in terms of character development because he has four to five sources in which players can experience him. Ezio Auditore takes number one because he has four games, three books, and three short movies in which one can get to know him. Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad is on second with five, three games, his keys in Revelations, and Secret Crusade. Though in his case I guess you can count his Codex since you can read it in AC2 and on the AC wiki, so six.

Okay headcanon time!

So due to exposure to his memories Haytham gives Desmond access to the following languages and dialects

British/proper* English

Spanish (proper)

French (proper)

And German (Proper)

*when I say proper or honorific I refer to the way one is taught in the high school class when you take these languages. Or in the case of English the King/ Queen's English.

The following skills are also from Haytham Kenway

Diplomacy

Command

Negotiation

Gun use, 19th century

I think honestly that in his own way he'd be proud of Desmond for sacrificing himself to save the world from burning because there would be people who are descended from friends, colleagues, and even like Desmond, descended from Ziio and Ratohnhaké:ton's people and I doubt he would ever wish harm on them.

I hope this was enough, feel free, anyone to ask about other characters if you want this deep of a dive.

[lovejosephquinn]

Heyy! Love your work!

I have a request: Joe and reader on their wedding day! The whole thing... the anxiety before the altar, the ceremony, the party...

Thanks in advance! 🙃

Thank you so much! 🥰

No words, just here sobbing at the thought of our sweet boy being happy. I hope this is fluffy enough for you. Enjoy x

You take one last look at yourself in the mirror, you'd never ever thought yourself ugly nor insanely attractive, but the beautiful white dress you wore changed your mind, you looked outstanding. This was the last time you would see yourself again before you were to marry the love of your life, the moment your father walked you down the long aisle at the alter to your about to be husband, today you were to become Mrs. Quinn.

You'd be lying to yourself if the anxiety hadn't taken over and you'd not slept a wink last night, you were so nervous; the clumsy fool in you constantly imagining you tripping over your dress and falling over. Or maybe even the worry that Joe would change his mind at last minute, in the darkest depths of your mind you knew you were being stupid. Your parents commented on how beautiful you looked, you'd shared a first look with your bridesmaid, your best friend yelling towards you how repulsive you looked whilst she practically sobbed her heart out. You got into the car with your dad, whilst your mum took the other ride to the church with the bridesmaids, the sun was shining above you, the summer breeze flew through the crack in the window, your dad clung his hand to yours, squeezing ever so slightly a sweet silent gesture that he was there with you all the way.

Joe was already there welcoming all the guests along with his best man and his parents. His mum had already shed a few tears, worrying about ruining her make up and rushing off to the bathroom several times. His anxiety mirrored yours well, you hadn't spoke since yesterday morning, mainly as you were both kept busy and distracted from the day ahead but purely because you wanted to keep this going the traditional way.

Joe took his place at the front, his best man and indeed best friend of his life Wesley, patted him on the shoulder. "This is it mate." he whispered as the music began to play. The photographer stood in the corner, snapping shots of Joe, through the lens you could see the way the entirety of his body was shaking, the way his hands clenched together and the way he smiled as he watched your bridesmaids walk down the aisle. The music hit it's dramatic point, everybody stood out of their seats and the notes of the song began flying high which gave you your grand entrance into the church, linking arms with your dad and holding onto your flowers like your life depended on it.

The guests, your family and his all watched you, but nobodies gaze was more beautiful than that of your future husband's, tears streamed down his face without warning the moment he saw you walk through the doors. You stared at him all the way down, your features beaming. He shook is head in disbelief, in a way of saying how did I ever deserve you? Even Wesley shed a tear, the both of you had got a long the moment Joe introduced you to him so it was practically a given that he'd get emotional too, especially down to the fact that his best friend had found true happiness.

What felt like a mile, was about 30 steps down and you finally came face to face with Joe, you turned to your dad who stroked your cheek and gave Joe an accepting nod. "Look after her son." Joe smiled a fully enamoured smile back at him. "Always." Joe took your hand and kissed onto your knuckles.

"You look absolutely beautiful, baby."

Seeing the tears refilling in Joe's eyes saw yours setting off too, you'd managed to keep it all in until that very second. "You look as gorgeous as ever." You returned the compliment, watching Joe's cheeks flush just as yours were. You turned to the minister who began the ceremony.

"Welcome everyone, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of two lives. These two separate people have chosen this special time and place to be married to each other. The decision to marry is not entered into lightly, but rather is undertaken with great consideration and respect for both the other person and oneself. You as friends and family are able to celebrate with Joseph and Y/N in the making of this important commitment."

The minister drabbled on in the usual speech, but you and Joe had filtered out into your thoughts, your eyes just burning into each others souls with pure love and happiness. The minister cleared his throat bringing you back down to earth, earning a stifle of laughter from the guests, clearly learning you were both caught off guard.

"Now we celebrate the love that Joseph and Y/N have for each other and as family and friends you give social recognition to their intention to permanently accept the other by reciting the marriage vows: Joseph. Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?"

Joe let out a huge exhale, the two words he'd practiced so much in the last year were finally here and it was unlike any other script he'd had to learn in his career, this was both the easiest and hardest moment of your lives, with his head held high, he shot you the most beautiful toothy grin. "I do."

"Will you love her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, and keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

"I- I will." his voice stuttered through the hitch in his throat, watching as you wiped your tears from your face.

The minister repeated the same traditional montage to you and of course you replied the same as Joe. He then took it in turns to recite the main vows of them all.

The minister started and Joe copied bit by bit. "I, Joseph , take you Y/N, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part."

The same was repeated once again from your lips, Joe's eyes shimmering, you could almost see yourself through the reflection.

The ring bearer, one of your little cousins brought the silver plated rings over, his dutiful little walk and his head held high had you both grinning down at him, gaining an aww from the audience.

You pledged your love to one another, fitting the rings onto each others left hand, all shiny and new. Your hands shaking held in each others grasp now.

"Joseph and Y/N have formalized their vows and the bond between them in your presence and in mine, by the powers vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Cheers, applause and flashes from the camera erupted the room, bouncing off the walls with delight as Joe leaned down and gave you the sweetest kiss you could've ever imagined. Nothing too much but nothing too little. Perfect.

Your guests were took outside by the staff, all stood in few lines making a pathway for you and Joe to walk through. Confetti at the ready and happy tears being shed here there and everywhere, shortly after you both walked out as the newly married couple and were coated in fake petals and confetti. The photographer shot so many happy images, the two of you absolutely thrilled, you'd truly never loved one another more than this moment in time. Spouts of laughter and chatter clung to the air as everyone gathered in a beautifully decorated garden to have champagne, conversating and watching over the two of you having your photo taken in several different poses. Your bridesmaids joining you, Wesley, your and Joe's parents and the rest of your families.

The last photo saw you and Joe in the most natural pose, smiling up at one another. Joe muttered to you just after the flash hit, "I love you so much, Mrs Quinn."

You couldn't believe that you were finally his little wifey, the day you'd practically imagined since you laid eyes on him, the day that you shared your first date, the day you fell in love with him, the day he asked you to be his girlfriend, the many happy memories you shared together over the last few years and the moment he proposed to you on that beautiful starry night under the gleaming Eiffel Tower.

"And I love you so much, Mr Quinn." Joe slowly brought his lips to meet yours in a more passionate kiss, it felt like time had stopped for a split second and that it was just the two of you, his hand cupping your cheek and your fingers gripping to his waist, leaning up onto your tip toes to be able to feel the way his lips moved against yours.

Your foreheads pressed together and you stood in pure silence in each other's own little world for that mere instance, your own little fairy tale wedding, your own happily ever after. Him.

[yzeltia]

FFXIVwrite2024 30. Two Heads Are Better Than One

Featuring: @driftward 's Fredrick the Poroggo Characters: Koana, V'tenpe Tia, Gulool Ja, Jullus pyr Norbanus, Alphinuad Leveilluer, Wuk Lamat, Bakool Ja Ja, U'rahn Nuhn, Violet Fisher, Jannie Eyradoux Fortemps, G'khenna Summers, Khloe Alipoh, T'kebbe Morh Rating: T Summary: Closing Vignettes about family, love, and friendship. Notes: Taken from by Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Thanks @autumnslance

-Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor-

“I cannot thank you enough, son.”

Koana’s ears perked at V’tenpe’s praise. “Son?” he thought to himself before having his back patted firmly by V’anille's father. He supposed it was true, his mentor now bound to him by marriage. “Son”. Praise. It warmed him in a way he thought would nigh’ be possible again.

“Guncle Tenpe! I got the wrenches you asked for Gulool Ja’s voice rang out, holding a set high above his head as he wandered over to their work station. 

“Sorry kiddo, those are A’rahn wrenches. I need the Ratchet kind today. Go ask your Auntie Mauhli for those, okay?” V’tenpe instructed, parting Gulool Ja on the head as he took the wrenches from him.

“Okay! Uh…is Koana okay?” Gulool Ja whispered.

Koana blinked as the two stared at him. He touched his face finding a stray tear, then wiped his face off with his ascot. “Some dust in my eye is all.”

“Okay then,” Gulool Ja said, hesitating a moment before running off to get the right tools.

V'tenpe raked his hand through his hair, smiling as the boy ran off. He turned to Koana, shaking his head before squatting down to deadlift the large gear. “Y'know. With your friends gone back to Eorzea or wherever, I bet it's a hard adjustment. You had brothers to get stuff off your chest. Now it's just you and your sister and Anille, and you've got in your mind to keep yerself stoic and level headed. Probably moreso with your fancy title being the Vow of Reason.

“But life's going to be like fixing up this train. Sure I could do this by myself, but it'd be harder on my own. I'm fortunate to have a good hearted son to tag along and my little helper visiting too. Makes the whole thing easier to get through and I don't accidentally wear myself out. The mind is a lot like that too. You keep it all in your noggin’ and you'll burn out. You understand me?”

Koana nodded, swallowing a little before coming over to help V’tenpe fix the gear upon a spoke. “I am, admittedly, finding myself missing my father at times. You are right, I think I might be letting my title prevent me from grieving,” he explained before lowering his ears. “Thank you…dad.”

-If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. 

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up-

Alphinaud punched his fist into the snow, ass sore from being knocked back while his entourage of Garlean pears laughed at his expense. Two years and a handful of ilms had done little to better his chances with swordplay and he’d regretted his pride, preventing him from asking his sister or Estinien to train him in the art.

“Stick to books Eorzean,” one of the guys laughed before going quiet as Jullus stepped in to reach down and help Alphinaud back to his feet before picking up the training sword the other had been given.

After examining it, he threw it to the other’s feet. “You gave him a damn weighted sword. Is this how the new Garlemald is going to win their fights? Cheap tricks? Sod off you lot and run some laps,” Jullus ordered, watching his company men groan, one slugging the instigator in the shoulder.

Alphinaud bitterly clenched his fists and hung his head. “It is just as embarrassing to lose as it is to have you jump in for me every time I lose a challenge. Though I suppose I should take comfort in knowing they’d set me up for failure.”

Jullus shook his head. “Honestly, you have no business holding a sword. Even if you hadn’t been given a disadvantage your stance and movements are too…noodley for lack of a better word.”

“I’m not seeing how that is to make me feel any better,” Alphinaud said before finding his chin pulled in by Jullus. He flushed as he was kissed, letting it do its job and calm his.

When Jullus parted he smiled then laughed. “That’s not going to work for me much longer is it? I fear each time we part you’ll return a head taller,” he said before hearing his troop scream in the distance. “As for making you feel better. I hosed down a section of our run.”

Alphinaud looked around Jullus, seeing the group trying to pick themselves up on the iced over path. He sighed, unsure if he wished to thank the other for preemptively coming to his defense or scolding him for creating an unsafe environment for his friends. He supposed as long as no injury came from it, he could enjoy a moment of watching them stumble about one another with Jullus’s arm around him. He smiled to himself then turned to attempt to steal another kiss, surprising himself that he no longer needed to lift up on his toes and could meet him at his level.

-Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 

But how can one keep warm alone?-

“I HATE ALPACAS!!!!!”

Bakool Ja Ja jumped and put a claw over Wuk Lamat’s mouth, silencing her frustrated scream as it echoed through the peaks of Urqopacha. “Careful my Vow, you could cause an avalanche,” Mystic warned before letting her go.

“Sorry. I am just so frustrated. Tobli should build higher fences if he doesn’t want these fiends escaping. I should have had Koana handle this as soon as I knew the petition involved the furry little fiends. I’m sorry that I ever tried to like them,” Wuk Lamat ranted before holding herself as a wind blew by them. “Though I wish one was around. I could really use something fluffy and warm. Hopefully the wind will pass soon,” she continued before the wind howled and picked up. “Okay, maybe we stop for a moment until it calms down.”

Bakool Ja Ja nodded, following Wuk Lamat’s lead to take shelter under an overhang of rocks. He swallowed, watching her shiver and peak out toward the snowy roads. Swallowing, he cleared Might’s throat then rubbed the back of his head. “Vow, if you are cold I could help.”

“Cold? I’m not cold. I’m fine…Really fine,” Wuk Lamat said as she chattered. “I’ll shake it off soon and we’ll be on our way to find that alpaca in no time. You’ll see.”

Bakool Ja Ja frowned with both heads, watching her stubbornly buckle forward as she held herself. Inhaling, he worked up his courage. It was duty as a Landsguard to keep the Vow safe, despite her stubbornness…but, to embrace her. He felt heat rise in his faces at the mere thought. Working himself up, he stepped forward then hesitantly hugged her from behind. “I apologize, but I cannot watch you freeze to death,” Mystic said, feeling her straighten up in his arms.

Wuk Lamat stood stiffly for a moment, not saying anything as she was held. After a few breaths, she leaned back into the warmth of the blessed siblings, ears slumping. “Thank you, Bakool Ja Ja. This is not…unpleasant,” she said carefully.

Being thanked was still new to him. More heat flooded his faces as she relaxed against him. As the snow blustered about outside their small shelter, he stood and held her for as long as she’d let him.

-Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. 

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.-

Rrahn rushed forward, dodging Black Cat’s swipes with a flip to the side before releasing a flurry of blows into her stomach before going for an uppercut before being repelled by a biscuit maker. Violet watched as he flew over her. Blowing her hair from her face, she launched herself forward and began to swing wildly with her gunblade before discharging a bullet, only to have Black Cat relocate herself across the field making her tumble forward past Jannie. Jannie raised her blade defensively, capturing Black Cat’s attention and letting her start to punch and kick at her blade.

On the other side of the ring, G’khenna did her best to maintain a healing aura around the field as the Warriors of Light got knocked around while ahead of her Khloe went all out with her blades, fighting Black Cat’s deflecting tail as she tried to land a blow before catching a flick of the appendage. Khloe let out a cry as she was sent flying backward into G’khenna, knocking her out of her concentration. Black Cat’s attention on them, they held each other and let their eyes grow wide as the fighter appeared before them and raise both fists high, ready to bring them down on them.

“What’s this? A new challenger approaches,” Metem’s voice called out in surprise.

As the girls braced for impact, a pink carbuncle jumped in front of them then created a barrier about them both. On impact, Black Cat recoiled then jumped backward only to be ambushed by the Warriors of Light once more. Standing up, they found a pink-haired girl next to them tossing her hair as she held an open grimoire.

“KEBBE!” Khloe and G’khenna called out, both hurrying to hug her tight.

“Sorry I’m late! It was really hard getting over here,” she laughed, ears fluttering as she hugged her best friends back.

“Khloe, I mean, I missed you so much! We had a huge adventure!”

“We participated in the Rite of Succession and found the City of Gold,” G’khenna added before yelping as a powerful beam hit the panel that they were on once, then twice.

“MY RING!” Metem’s voice cried out in despair.

The trio yelled as the panel shattered beneath them, all three falling into the field below before finding themselves levitated and placed safely back on an unblemished part of the ring. 

“Catch up later! Let’s help the others take this lady down,” T’kebbe said, raising her book in the air then casting a broil toward Black Cat.

“Ahem! Please bear with us while we repair the ring,” Metem’s voice sounded out before it dropped into an angry muffled hiss. “Someone! Get that weird frog out of here.”

The girls blinked then returned to battle. Behind them Fredrick hopped as fast as he could around the stadium, robotic sentries chased him. All these years later and Miqo’te girls continued to be nothing but trouble.

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

i'll take anything you have (if you could throw me a line)

day 31 whumptober prompt: asking for help | therapy | “i’m alive, i’m just not well”

the sunrise can be pretty, neil thinks, but instead of the pinks and oranges washing him with ease, neil can’t help the panic at the thought that he’s been up here for longer than he planned to 

he wonders if anyone has even realized he left the dorms in the first place, wonders if andrew even looked when neil left the bedroom, wonders if he gave up, wonders if he finally came to his senses and realized neil was more trouble than he’s worth

wonders if the roof of the court is high enough that the fall would kill him

he shakes his head roughly

no, no, these are the thoughts he’s supposed to be ignoring, pretending they’re not there

replacing them with something better

except

the idea doesn’t leave his head now that he’s thought it, it doesn’t seem any less compelling

who would have thought, that neil (neil, neil josten, runaway, survivor, doing his best to survive no matter what) would ever be thinking about ending it himself

all that grief and pain and exhaustion all those years, for nothing

(it’s been too many years, and the grief and pain and exhaustion are still there)

he doesn’t blame andrew for giving up on him

the breeze picks up enough that neil shivers, and for a moment he almost loses his balance, almost falls freely down to the hard pavement and a too sweet promise of actual rest

his heart doesn’t pick up in fear at the idea

but his breathing does, when he realizes just how serious this is

he doesn’t even care if he lives anymore

that’s both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time

terror wins in the end

he almost drops his phone on the concrete and follows it when he gazes at the empty inbox

it’s okay, it’s understandable

his friends ought to stop being that when they realized there was no point in being friends with the corpse of a man, unreal and fictitious and inhuman

he ignores the tug in his heart, considers calling wymack

instead

it’s only 5:30 am, but betsy picks up on the first ring nonetheless

“neil?”

“betsy”

her words are preceded by a gasp and a sob and a pained little laugh, “neil, where are you? are you safe? the foxes are all worried, saying you left last night and never got back”

something like relief floods through neil’s vein, almost enough to drown out the iciness, the tension, the pain

it’s not quite enough when there’s a hole inside him the size of everything he’s lost

it’s not quite enough when he doesn’t even feel like he’s worth someone elses worry

“betsy”

it’s just one word, but it sounds pitiful, tormented… small

“what can i do for you neil?”

he curls into himself when the breeze keeps on its fast pace, arms holding each other as tight as they can

there are terrible scratches down his arms, the scars around his knuckles are swollen and red and rubbed raw 

he wants to keep going until he’s tearing his skin off, until he can personally remove the scar tissue and the rot under his skin, inside his head

“betsy i need help”

“oh neil, of course, I – what do you need right now? where are you? are you safe?”

no no no no no–

“i hurt myself on purpose and i– i want to do it again, and i can’t be certain i can stop myself from killing myself”

there’s a sharp inhale, but betsy’s voice doesn’t tremble

“okay, where are you? i can come pick you up, make sure you don’t hurt yourself any more”

“i’m scared”

the admission is soft, weak and fucking terrified

“that’s understable neil, those are some scary thoughts to be having, i’m getting in my car right now, by the way, where do you want me to pick you up?”

“the roof of the court”

betsy’s exhale is shaky, even through the phone

“okay, okay, can you make sure you’re as far away from the edge as possible”

he understand andrew then

“no, I–”

he doesn’t know how to explain it

“the edge makes me feel real… alive”

“but you are alive neil, that’s a wonderful thing, a wonderful accomplishment, you’ve made it through so much, you deserve a breath don’t you think?”

“i'm alive, i'm just not… well”

“hang on neil, i’m only a blocks away from the court”

neil lets out a sob, and it’s tearing and burning and agonizing

“i’m tired of feeling like this”

neil can hear the pain in betsy’s voice when she speaks, “oh i know honey, don’t worry, i’m going to be right there with you in a few minutes, i’m going to be there for you”

“please help me bee”

“hang on, neil, i’m going to be right there, just hang on, just a little longer”

neil just keeps on sobbing

“i’m so sorry”

“no, don’t be sorry neil, you’re okay, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for”

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry”

“shh, it’s okay neil, there’s nothing to be sorry for here, you’re okay, just hang on, i’ll be right there”

neil just sobs, wonders if this is at all worth it, wonders if he’s not just better off jumping at once

“help me”

sunrises are meant to signify hope and new beginnings and opportunities to start over

sunrises are the death of stars too after all

yall i absolutely forgot to post this to tumblr too yesterday lmao but it was up on ao3 at 11 pm last night <3 this one was short and just a bit shitty bc i was quite literally falling asleep while sitting in front of my laptop while writing it, so please don't judge my poor cohesion asjkfjk i'm more awake but honestly equally as tired but anyway i just wanted to say thank you to those who've been here reading my silly little angsty stories throughtout the entirety of the month, i'm lowkey so proud of myself for finishing whumptober, i have never done something like this in my life, and i'm really happy i dared to try this even if i spent some sleepless nights bc i was too focused on writing these while in the busiest three weeks i've had in a while lmao but yeah just thank you so much for the company yall, i hope to see you soon with some sequels and some prequels or any other new ideas :)