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1moreff-creator · 1 month ago

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Okay listen, listen. Eden's Garden CH1 was great and I loved it and I'll make a more detailed analysis post about it at some point. And Eva in particular is fantastic and my favorite character. There's just- There's just a little, little issue I have with her FTEs, and if I don't talk about it I'm gonna explode.

Spoilers for P:EG CH1 and Eva's FTEs.

CW: I am about to be a Massive Fucking Nerd on main.

This post was originally going to be about how Eva's papers, the way she describes them, sound like they kinda suck. But then I realized that the way she describes the Riemann zeta function… is just wrong???? Like, it doesn't converge to- EVA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!?!

Like, look, I don't think "Eva sucks at writing papers actually” is the conclusion I'm meant to reach after doing her FTEs. I'm also pretty sure the mistakes she makes when describing the Riemann zeta function (henceforth "zeta function” for brevity) are just mistakes on the writers’ part, which is fine because that thing is very confusing.

And to be clear, Eva being bad at writing papers doesn't mean she's actually bad at science. I mean, she apparently solved the goddamn Riemann Hypothesis, and doesn't even think it's that big a deal!

Eva, sad [3rd FTE]: They'll put it on my gravestone: here lies the girl who could barely solve Riemann's stupid hypothesis.

(Thank you Ani from youtube for uploading these things it makes citation so much easier <3)

Girliepop if I solved a problem that's stumped mathematicians for over a hundred years (which carries a million dollar prize btw), you bet your fucking ass I want that on my gravestone! And look, I know that this is not necessarily due to her doing more impressive stuff in mathematics. That it's more so because she's internalized what other people think about her skills, and since a lot of people erroneously believe math is uncool she doesn't think this is as big a deal as it is. But the fact that she managed to solve this thing at all, not to mention at eighteen years old, already puts her in contention for best mathematician of the damn century. And that's incredible, because math is badass.

In short, Eva's cool and a great mathematician. But the way she talks about her other work, the papers she wishes got more recognition, makes me really doubt her actual skill as a writer of these papers. Let me explain.

There are three papers Eva mentions writing, or thinking about writing, across her FTEs. One about literature, another about lightspeed travel, and one about the Riemann zeta function.

Eva [1st FTE]: Earlier this year, I wrote a whole paper on an obscure subgenre of Western speculative fiction… I spent weeks on it, expecting it to receive a lot of attention from literary critics…

Eva [1st FTE]: I could write a research paper on the theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel, but no one would care, because…

Eva [4th FTE]: …I wrote a paper about how you can use tabletop gaming to understand [the Riemann zeta function].

Now, I can't say anything about the literature paper, because she gives no details on it. I also don't know enough about literature to know how long it usually takes to write papers on it, so I'll take her word for it that working for weeks on it is notable.

For the hypothetical paper about the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel", I have my doubts, but she also doesn't give enough details about what that paper would entail for me to definitively say anything about it. We'll get back to this one, though.

Meanwhile, the paper she gives the most details on is the Riemann zeta function one, and… yeah that one's trash.

There’s two reasons I say that. One is the technical issue with the description she gives, which basically boils down to “there’s severe inaccuracies in her explanation and also she just straight up gets some things wrong,” and is extremely nerdy and math heavy to explain; and the other is a much more fundamental problem with the very thesis of the paper, which doesn’t require math to explain, but I’ll leave for later.

I’ll start with the technical side and the things she gets wrong about the zeta function. I’ll try to make this accessible for non-math nerds, but fair warning, this is pretty difficult math so I can only do so much. That includes keeping to the tabletop analogy Eva used in the spirit of the thing.

By the way, take everything I'm about to say with a grain of salt. I'm a third year Physics major, so while I know way more math than the average person, I am by no means an expert. I am liable to get things wrong. In fact, I actually didn't know anything about the zeta function or the Riemann hypothesis before seeing these FTEs, I just researched them because I got curious about the Riemann hypothesis after seeing it show up in not one, but two fangans I've seen (it has a cameo in DR Despair Time if you're curious). However, even though I'm not an expert, I think I know enough to definitively say Eva's very wrong about a few things.

Lots of math incoming, TL;DR after the next red title

As a refresher, this is a paraphrased version of what she explains.

Eva (Paraphrased) [4th FTE]: Take 1, ½, ⅓, ¼, and so on for infinity, and pretend they are characters in a tabletop game (TTG). An enemy casts a status effect on your denominators so that they are all raised to the power of p, where the value of p is decided by dice roll. Now your characters are 1, 1/2ˆp, 1/3ˆp, etc. For your turn, you add all of your characters together, and that’s the zeta function ζ(p) = 1 + 1/2ˆp + 1/3ˆp + ... What is the value of ζ(p)?

This is good, that sum is indeed the first way to define the zeta function (more on that later), so it's correct. However, she then makes two statements.

Statement 1: If p is higher than 1, then you get a whole number; a number without decimals. ( ζ(p) = a whole number). Statement 2: If p is lower than 1, then you get 0, “an infinite amount of zeroes.” ( ζ(p) = 0).

(You’ll notice I put that last thing in quotes. I’ll get back to it)

Now, I’m going to ignore a few minor inaccuracies which Eva likely makes to simplify the concepts, because they’re not too important. For example; you can’t “add” infinite numbers, that’s not a thing. An infinite series can converge, which is slightly different from arithmetic addition. However, the two things are close enough that, for most people, the distinction doesn’t really matter. In other words, I’m fine with her saying she’s adding infinite numbers together, and similar claims.

There's one inaccuracy I can’t gloss over, though; Eva never tells Damon which dice is rolled to determine the value of p. In math terms, she never tells him the domain of the function (the domain of a function, btw, is the set of values for which the function is defined). Are the values p can take real or complex? Can it be any real/complex, or are there restrictions?

For the unaware, since this is gonna come up, I’ll define a complex number using the TTG analogy. A complex number is a special character born by adding together a real number "r" (one of the numbers you’re all familiar with), and another real number "b" equipped with (math: multiplied by) the Epic Tier item known as the imaginary unit “i”. This Epic item has the property that iˆ2 = -1. So basically a complex number "z" is one where

z = r + bi

where r,b are real and i is the imaginary unit. "r" is known as the real component, and "b" is the imaginary component.

(Note: All real numbers are complex numbers where b=0, but not all complex numbers are real)

In case you’re curious, these things are used in several fields, such as the study of electrical circuits with alternating current, and they appear in relation to the Schrödinger equation- I’m getting off track.

So, what dice does Eva want the opponent to roll to define p? Well, she never says it, but we can infer. She says that p can be “higher than 1,” and that clues us in that she’s probably rolling the dice of real numbers. After all, there’s no universally agreed upon definition of what it means for a complex number to be “higher than” another complex number. Meanwhile, she doesn’t mention any restrictions on what value p can take, so it’s safe to say she’s implying that p can be any real number higher than or lower than 1, aka any real number except maybe 1. Now, the zeta function doesn’t actually have that domain, but we’ll get to that.

For now, let’s analyze her statements assuming p is any real number other than 1. Let’s take a look at the first one.

Statement 1: If p is higher than 1, then ζ(p) is a whole number; a number without decimals.

This is wrong. Just so we’re clear, I could probably prove, with my somewhat limited math knowledge, that this statement can only work if the domain is more restrictive than “all real numbers other than 1” as described previously. It'd have to be defined only in whole numbers, for example.

However, I don’t need to. One of the first lines in the Wikipedia page of the zeta function says that ζ(3) (which is the value you get after “adding all your characters” when p = 3) is an irrational number. That is, among other properties, a number with infinite decimals. Eva could not be more wrong if she tried.

(Btw, yes I'm using Wikipedia as my only source. Not particularly rigorous research on my part, but this is a silly Tumblr post about funny killing game, there's a limit to my insanity)

I don’t even know how this happened, btw. It’s pretty clear this is a goof on the devs’ side (perfectly understandable btw, it took me several reads of the Wikipedia pages for both the zeta function and the Riemann hypothesis to even get them enough to write this post, and as stated I study a lot of math for my career), but I genuinely don’t know where they got the idea from. There’s nothing I could find about whole numbers in relation to the zeta function. There’s connections to prime numbers, which are all whole, but the series doesn't converge to them, the connection is a bit weirder than that. There's also some stuff Euler found about it converging to rational numbers for negative integers, but again, not whole numbers, and not even for real values above 1. So, yeah, no clue.

Anyways, what about the other statement?

Statement 2: If p is lower than 1, then you get 0, “an infinite amount of zeroes.”

This is also obviously wrong. In fact, reader! Can you think of a counterexample which is immediately obvious if you think about it for two seconds? A real number p lower than 1 such that ζ(p) isn't 0?

If you said “zero, because zero always breaks everything in very obvious ways,” you have good intuition! You could have also picked any other real number lower than 1, but those are less obvious.

For 0, the reason it’s so apparent is that any number raised to the power of zero is just 1, so 1 + 1/2ˆ0 + 1/3ˆ0 + … just turns into 1 + 1 + 1 + … and so on for infinity. Very obviously, the series diverges, it “goes to infinity.” This is very different from converging to 0.

And just so we’re clear, the series also diverges for any real value of p lower than 1, though I’ll leave proving that one as an exercise to the reader, with the help that I’ll tell you the infinite series 1 + ½ + ⅓ + ¼ + … also goes to infinity. Again, Eva could not be more wrong if she tried.

So, what went wrong here? Turns out, the way Eva defined the zeta function as an infinite series (a "sum of infinite numbers”) only works when p is a complex number with a real component higher than 1. That’s why it was important for her to say what dice we were rolling to determine p, what the domain of the function defined by the series is. For other numbers, you need to define zeta in different ways.

And what happened to the whole “infinite zeroes” thing? Well, you see, I have a theory. I think the devs must have read that the zeta function had “an infinite amount of zeroes for values of p with a real component lower than 1” (which is true, but doesn’t mean what they think it means), and misinterpreted from there. Fair mistake. I kinda wanna correct it using the TTG analogy, but I’ll leave that for the end of the post because it’s gonna derail the entire thing.

(I got carried away and explained everything I understood about the Riemann zeta function oops)

What you need to know for now; you can do some math tricks to define the zeta function outside of the infinite series Eva described, though a lot of those tricks are way above my pay grade. That way, you can evaluate the function for any complex value of p other than 1. In other words, you can roll different die for p, but it requires redefining what you're doing with that p.

Turns out, in doing that, some funky shit happens, and any time p equals -2n for any n which is a natural number (that is, p = -2 or -4 or -6 or -8, etc.), the zeta function will go to zero. Those values of p are known as the “trivial zeroes” of the function, and are obviously infinite in number. However, note that these trivial zeroes are exclusively negative even integers; there are plenty of real values of p lower than 1 for which the zeta function is not zero, so Eva still isn’t correct at all.

Though, to be clear, there are also zeroes of the function other than the trivial ones. This is actually where the Riemann hypothesis comes in. The hypothesis is that any non-trivial zero of the zeta function has a real component of exactly ½, with the only difference between them being the imaginary component (if you didn't follow, again, more detailed explanation at the bottom of the post). This (in our world) has not been definitively proven to work for every non-trivial zero, though it does work for the first several trillion.

Absurdly nerdy math rant over

So TL;DR, Eva made some pretty big mistakes when talking about the convergence of the zeta function, mainly stemming from not properly defining its domain, but also just straight up getting the convergence wrong. It doesn’t converge exclusively to whole numbers for real numbers above 1, and has to be defined in a different way for real values below 1, not to mention that she never brings up the full function is actually defined for complex numbers other than 1.

Obviously, this all likely stems from the creators not actually understanding the zeta function themselves, which is pretty funny.

But you wanna know what the bigger issue is? That even if Eva had properly explained the zeta function, her paper would still suck ass. Because there’s a much bigger, more fundamental issue with the very thesis it upholds.

I want you to take a step back. Really look past the complex math and weird terms and the contrast between the very serious sounding Riemann zeta function and the somewhat silly concept of a TTG…

And realize that the thesis of the paper Eva describes is “analogies exist.”

She can frame it however she likes, but ultimately, that’s what the point of the paper was. Eva, where the hell did you even get this published? In fact, I think it’s silly for you to say that it’d have been better received if your talent was different, because without it, I don’t see a world where this shit could even be submitted to any journal with even a modicum of self respect!

And look, she’s not wrong. I get her point, that mathematicians often don’t put in enough effort to communicate their work to the layman, and would benefit from explaining things in more creative ways. That’s cool. But that’s the kind of thing you would write for, like, an article or something.

But a paper is specifically meant for research. Calling this thing a paper almost feels insulting to mathematicians. Like the concept of using analogies to explain math is an unprecedented discovery that required actual research to figure out. Unless this paper was also the one where Eva solved the Riemann hypothesis (which God I hope that was a different paper), there's no new information being presented here. It's at best a personal opinion piece, which is not what scientific papers are for.

Am I silly for getting hung up on the wording of this being described as a paper instead of an article or opinion piece or whatever? Well, this entire post is silly, but I don't think it's because of that, because words mean things. And a scientific paper carries certain connotations that do not align with what Eva describes.

And this little issue casts doubt in her general skill as a paper writer. That's why I'm a bit skeptical about the paper she mentions about the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel.” Because, quite frankly, that paper topic sounds… meaningless? Like a bunch of technobabble?

Like, what exactly are you discussing about lightspeed travel? In fact, what are you actually referring to when you say "lightspeed travel"? Matter approaching lightspeed, or reaching or even exceeding lightspeed? The latter two are impossible according to current scientific consensus, btw. Or is she discussing a particular trick to get something from point A to point B in less time than it would take for light to cover that distance? There are papers discussing stuff like that, even if all the mechanisms are also thought to be impossible by consensus. And regardless of what she means by "lightspeed travel", what does she mean "theoretical possibility” of it? Like, genuinely, I have no clue. Is she speculating on whether or not it's possible? Is she speculating on the properties such travel would have? Is she proposing a theoretical method to do it? Is she doing something else entirely? The premise of the paper is too vague, is my point.

This worries me because… well, to put it bluntly, experts in related fields (such as mathematics) attempting to make cool sounding physics theories (such as a paper on the "theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel", whatever that means) which are completely wrong and nonsensical is a real, observable phenomenon in our world. Check out Angela Collier's "physics crackpots: a 'theory’” to find out more. And also check out the rest of her youtube channel it's great.

What Eva is doing with that paper honestly sounds remarkably close to what Angela describes there. In fact, let's check out whether or not Eva's hypothetical paper fits any of the four points Angela brings up to spot a crackpot theory.

1. “Addresses THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS in physics.”

By this, Angela means that the theory addresses a problem or topic that anyone with a passing interest in physics knows is a big deal. Things like dark matter, gravity, black holes, and yes, "lightspeed travel.” You're not going to see anyone with a crackpot theory on the equation of state of real gases or Eddy currents, because by the point you know what those things are in enough depth to be interested in them, you probably also know enough to determine what a good physics theory is and what isn't. Eva's paper fits this point, but that doesn't necessarily mean Eva is a crackpot physicist, right?

2 and 4. “Lacking mathematical rigor, experimental data, etc.” and “They are not physics theories”

I grouped these two because it's impossible for me to know whether Eva's paper would actually fit these points or not. She doesn't give enough details for me to say. I can tell you for sure it's not gonna have experimental data, but since it's theoretical physics, that's fine. So, we can maybe give her the benefit of the doubt? As long as she doesn't fit the last point too well maybe-

3. “Respond with anger, claim physics establishment has blacklisted them, cite Galileo/Einstein/etc."

Oh no.

Eva [1st FTE]: I could write a research paper on the theoretical possibility of lightspeed travel, but no one would care…

Oh no chat. She might actually be a crackpot physicist.

It doesn't help that her mentality in general is actually very in line with the mentality described in the Angela video mentioned above. That because she's a smart person (which she is; again, solved the damn Riemann hypothesis), she should be able to easily become recognized and respectable in any field she takes interest in. But that isn't how the world works. There's a reason people spend years of their life studying literature, physics, or mathematics, just to truly get a grasp of each discipline individually.

Ok, but, like, what's my point? Am I going to include her misunderstanding of the zeta function and the possibility of her being a "crackpot physicist” in any character analysis? No, of course not. You're very clearly meant to think Eva is genuinely skilled in every field she approaches, because this is a fangan and Ultimates can bend the limits of humanity to fit a narrative. I'm perfectly willing to accept that Eva solved the Riemann hypothesis, as you've seen throughout this post, even though I'd be highly skeptical of anyone making that same claim in the real world, "Ultimate” or not. The same way I'd accept that a fictional character of any kind could manage to accelerate a particle to exactly lightspeed, even though I'd immediately call bullshit if someone claimed to do it in real life. The standard for believability is different for fictional characters than real people, basically.

Really, when you boil it down, I only take issue with the things Eva says because I'm genuinely passionate about the topics she mentions, and because she gives enough details about her work for me to see the cracks in the writers’ knowledge of them. I'm assuming this is a common issue with any fangan that tries to really explain what being an "Ultimate” in a particular field entails, because no one is actually well versed enough in sixteen different talents to actually say that for sure. That's why Eva off-handedly mentioning that she solved the Riemann hypothesis is much more effective as a way to establish her skill than trying and failing to get her to actually explain the zeta function.

All in all, this is just a purely self-indulgent post for me to vent about issues I have with the way the writers tried to convey Eva's expertise. Feel free to completely ignore this for character analysis, because I sure will. I just needed to talk about it because I would explode if I didn't. Anyways, hope you enjoyed! If you made it this far, you deserve a function named specifically after you! See y-!

Oh right I almost forgot.

My Own Explanation of the Riemann Zeta Function Using the TTG Analogy

(Explained by someone with little more than Wikipedia access, take all this with a grain of salt)

Think of finding the zeroes of a function as a boss fight. You go up to them, and you cast a spell, generally in the form of a number, such that the function becomes zero when you cast it. For example, the Easy Function

f(x) = 2x - 6

can be defeated by casting “3”, since 2x3 - 6 = 0.

Every function also has a “domain”, which is a set of spells you can actually cast against it. For example, since 1/0 is undefined, the Medium Function g(x) = 1/x has a domain of all complex numbers except 0. Casting 0 against g has no effect. You need a special spell, “limit when x tends to infinity” (or negative infinity) to defeat it.

The zeta function is a Legendary Boss, defined by the infinite series ζ(s) = 1 + 1/2^s +1/3^s + …

(I changed p to s for a reason trust the process)

Many mathematicians had tried to defeat it before, but it seemed futile*. Its domain was thought to be all real numbers higher than 1 (they originally didn't think to use complex numbers against it), but no matter what number was picked, that first term was too powerful. Even casting “limit when s tends to infinity” only got zeta down to 1. Nothing in its domain seemed to work.

Until Riemann arrived.

The zeta function chuckled, thinking this one to be like all the many others before him. But the legendary mage Riemann had many a trick the zeta function hadn't seen before. Tricks to make make the domain of the function larger, so that new Number Spells could be cast against it. Where everyone else had only ever attempted to cast real numbers against this boss, he wouldn't be satisfied with that. Without warning, he cast the first of many powerful spells needed to do what needed to be done.

"Domain Expansion; Proof of Complexity"

Since you already knew this part, I'll skip the proof, but basically, Reimann quickly showed that the infinite series which defined the zeta function for real numbers higher than one actually worked for any complex number with a real component higher than one.

The zeta function was impressed, but unconcerned. It knew damn well there was still no spell in this new domain which could possibly defeat it. "Nice try, but I'm not scared of some imaginary unit” it claimed.

“I'm aware,” claimed Reimann. He raised his hands again, his mana swelling, and the zeta function frowned. “But you're mistaken if you think this is the end.”

Reimann looked at the Legendary Boss in front of him, and cast the following, powerful incantation, with the help of the runes described below.

"Domain Expansion; Analytic Continuation"

To truly defeat the zeta function, one must understand the concept of an analytic continuation. This is where I falter, for I myself don’t understand what the fuck that is. However, what I've been able to gather is that the function

𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs) where 𝜂(s) = 1/1ˆs - 1/2ˆs + 1/3ˆs - …

is equal to the zeta function in the zeta function's domain, but is also defined outside of it. In particular, it's defined for any complex number with a positive real component, except for the points where

1 - 2/2ˆs = 0

(can't be dividing by zero after all!). That last thing excludes 1, for example.

Basically, think of the spell "Domain Expansion; Analytical Continuation” as a shapeshifting spell that transforms the zeta function from the previous definition:

ζ(s) = 1 + 1/2ˆs + 1/3ˆs + … for s complex numbers with a real component higher than 1.

to now being defined as:

ζ(s) = 𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs) for the previously described new domain.

That way, its domain is expanded to include complex numbers with a real component between 0 and 1, aside from those where 2/2ˆs = 1.

But of course, Reimann wouldn't be satisfied with that. The next spell was simpler, but worthwhile nonetheless.

"Domain Expansion; Limiting Singularity Removal"

See, turns out, all the points "z” where the analytic continuation was undefined, other than 1, where removable singularities (I think? I don't actually know much about complex functions :v), which means the spell "limit when s tends to z” returns a finite number l. That way, you can define ζ(z) = l for all of these removable singularities, expanding the domain of the zeta function to all complex numbers with a positive real component, other than 1.

Don't worry if you don’t know what a limit is or you didn't follow this part, it's not too important for this. After all, that last spell didn't worry the zeta function. What had truly taken it aback was the analytic continuation, which suddenly exposed a few weak spots of the zeta function to the world. Now, Reimann could defeat it once and for all, as long as he found the right spell in the new domain.

However, the zeta function was a Legendary Boss for a reason. "Fancy tricks, but it won't be easy to find something to actually defeat me, you know,” it bluffed, hoping intimidation would work. Foolish hope.

"Oh, certainly,” Reimann agreed readily, smiling. The zeta function was confused for a moment, until it realized something horrifying.

Reimann's mana was swelling again. He wasn't done. And for the first time since it's run-in with Euler all those years back, the zeta function felt true fear.

“It won't just be easy,” Reimann smirked. “It will be trivial.”

"Domain Expansion; Functional Equation"

This is another point where the math is beyond me, but I'll try to explain. Basically, Reimann proved that that equality up there holds true as long as s is a complex number with a real component strictly higher than 0 and strictly lower than 1.

However, you'll notice that if you take s as a complex number with a real component equal to or lower than 0 (other than 0 itself), then the right side of the equation is actually well defined, because 1 - s is a complex number with a positive real component (and not equal to 1 unless s is exactly 0), meaning ζ(1 - s) is well defined. You also don't run into issues with any of the other factors of that equation, including the Gamma function (𝚪). What that means is that this equation can be used to extend the zeta function's domain to all complex numbers other than 0 and 1.

Think of this domain expansion as a shapeshifting curse. If you cast a complex number with a real component strictly higher than 0 (other than 1), then the zeta function defends by turning into either the analytic continuation from before:

ζ(s) = 𝜂(s) / (1 - 2/2ˆs)

or the limit for any values where 1 - 2/2ˆs.

Meanwhile, if you cast a number s with a real component equal to or lower than 0 (other than 0 itself), then the zeta function shapeshifts to be:

ζ(s) = 2ˆs 𝜋ˆ(s-1) sin(s𝜋/2) 𝚪(1-s) ζ(1-s)

The final step is yet another Domain Expansion; Limiting Singularity Removal on 0, where ζ(0) = -½. Again not really important for us.

In any case, Riemann had done it. Five consecutive domain expansions, so that the zeta function's domain now included all complex numbers except 1. The zeta function was on its last legs, all that was needed was the final touch. For the inexperienced, you might think finding a zero would still be difficult, but the truly expert mages among you might have already noticed the weak spot in the functional equation.

The sine function. A Common Enemy which goes to 0 whenever it's attacked by a whole number equipped with the Legendary Tier item 𝜋. And when a complex number with a negative real component is cast against the zeta function, sin(s𝜋/2) becomes one of the factors.

"You know what this means, don't you, zeta?” Riemann asked. And the zeta function couldn't muster a response before the legendary mage cast his final spell. "You lose.”

"Simple Spell; Negative Even Integer"

-2, -4, -8, etc. Any even integer s causes s/2 to be a whole number, so sin(s𝜋/2) goes to zero. And since it's multiplying everything else, the entire zeta function goes to zero. These negative even integers are known as the zeta function's "trivial zeroes", and because there are infinite negative even integers, it can be said that the zeta function has an infinite amount of zeroes.

However, just because the Riemann zeta function had been defeated, doesn't mean Reimann was satisfied. See, Riemann noticed that there were other values which could defeat the zeta function, and weren't negative even integers. These are the zeta function's non-trivial zeroes. And he noticed that all of these zeroes followed a pattern, so he tried to cast a Prophecy Spell.

A Prophecy Spell (or a theorem, in real math terms) is one that makes it so that, when certain conditions are met, something happens without fail. To cast a Prophecy Spell, you must prove it, which means using other prophecy spells, runes and unbreakable laws (axioms) to certify that it's a valid prophecy.

I'll give you an example in case you're not used to the concept of mathematical proof, and cast the Prophecy Spell “if b is a real number, then b0 = 0". To prove it, I'll use two axioms (these are the building blocks of mathematics, and don't need to be proven because they just Are).

1) 0 + c = c (0 is neutral to addition).

2) b(c + d) = bc + bd (Distributive Property)

Now, observe the following:

1) b(c + 0) = b(c + 0) [Trivially true.]

2) bc = bc + b0 [0's neutrality used on the left, distributive on the right]

3) 0 = b0 [Because bc = bc, you can nullify the terms]

I chose this because it happens to be the reason you can't divide by 0. Division is formally defined as multiplication with the reciprocal, so to divide by 0 you must first define its reciprocal 1/0. 1/0 would be defined as a number such that 0 x 1/0 = 1. But we just proved there's no real (or complex) number for which that can be true, so 1/0 isn't a number, thus is undefined.

In any case, now you know what's needed to cast a Prophecy Spell. However, Riemann couldn't finish the Prophecy spell about the non-trivial zeroes. He couldn't find proof or a counterexample to refute it. And so, his unfinished Prophecy Spell went down in history… as the Riemann Hypothesis.

“All non-trivial zeroes of the Riemann zeta function have a real component of exactly ½.”

Although it's been proven to hold true for trillions of non-trivial zeroes, it has never been properly proven or refuted, so the Riemann Hypothesis remains… unsolved.

God that was nerdy and cringy as hell. It was also super fun to write so I don't care :D

*Look, for the purpose of the post, I'm saying Riemann did all this shit and is the first one to find a value for which the zeta function becomes zero. This is likely not historically accurate. I'm just doing it so the explanation flows better. This should only be taken as an explanation of the function itself, and not the history behind it.

#p:eg #project: eden's garden #eva tsunaka #this post got way outta hand btw #it was supposed to be a silly little thing. like 1k words max #but then i blacked out and there were 5.7k words how did this happen #so very sorry to my mathphobic followers but i saw math in a fangan and got over excited #and then eva stabbed me in the back by getting Everything Wrong #i love her but oh my god this bothered me more than it should have #cw math #(?)

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thewebcomicsreview · 8 months ago

Note

so what's your take on the recent "stonetoss is a much better comic than haus of decline because it has fewer words" over on twitter?

I really wanted to reply with a snarky dismissive one-liner. I had one written and everything, but then I wanted to make sure I understood the context and looked into this and ugh. Now I have to explain Twitter drama, this sucks.

Okay. Christ.

Haus of Decline makes this comic

The comic pops up again, and a person named Basil sees it and has a take that it has too many words.

As arguably the most prominent Webcomic Critic out there (which is the say, the only one still doing it), I kind of prefer the wordless version as well, but it's a matter of taste, more than an "objectively correct" take.

Basil then follows up on that take with a rather spicier one

It's worth noting here that Basil is saying Hans Kristian Graebener is "better" in the sense that they believe it's more effective propaganda, not in their own personal opinion of quality. And that's....arguable? For one, Haus of Decline isn't really trying to be left-wing propaganda, it's just shitposting, and for two I think Hans Kristian Graebener's effectiveness is way more complicated and sophisticated than just "brevity". And for three, saying Hans Kristian Graebener is "better comics" is really ill-advised, especially given some context I'll reveal shortly.

Haus sees this, calls Basil a moron, and it turns into a dumb stupid internet argument where both people look bad. And being, again, the top Webcomic Critic, I can confirm that sometimes when you call a webcomic bad the creator will get mad at you over it and that's just something you have to expect and live with and try not to beclown yourself in response to. I don't think Basil responded well here, and "just learn to take criticism" is a pretty common and loaded phrase in Webcomics Discourse. Still, whatever. A questionable take led to a short slap fight. That would be the end of it.

Except. The context.

Seven or eight months ago, Basil made this tweet.

Which is a far better tweet, and is now a meme used by liberals in intra-left twitter discord fights to dunk on the anti-voting Trump-curious twitter left. This tweet also came around the time Will Stancil was whipping a lot of normie liberals to push back against the anti-Biden narrative and obviously the election itself has led a notable shift in the vibes where you're seeing a lot more "Biden's not that bad" takes and even a bit of "Actually, Biden is good and I'm tired of pretending he's not" in leftist spaces. And if you follow my personal account you'll know that my vibes have also shifted in that direction a lot. Basil obviously didn't cause the shift, even Stancil didn't, it was the election, but it's their name on the top of the tweet that's used as an anti-anti-voting meme that the left still doesn't has a great response to, so a lot of leftists fucking hate Basil. The kind of passionate hatred you only feel when you're getting clowned on by Matthew fucking Yglesias. So there's a huge hate mob against Basil in the way that hate mobs tend to occur.

This all attracts the attention of Hans Kristian Graebener, who pops out a comic taking a shot at Haus over this. Which is, honestly, a much better example of why Hans Kristian Graebener is effective propaganda than the brevity thing, because god damn did that pour gasoline on the fire, and....well....tldr:

My take is that this whole fight is incredibly stupid, no one involved looks good, and the only one benefiting from it is the literal fucking Nazi.

#Haus of Decline #Hans Kristian Graebener #Discourse

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somerandomdudelmao · 2 years ago

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ok wait hold up can we actually just like talk for a second about Donnie's behavior in these last few pages??

Before he found out about the infection, Donnie was still very nonchalant about a lot of situations, but he always had a sense of care and compassion for certain things, like for example, his family and friends. He used a lot of sarcasm and was overall just the snarky autistic tech dude who had more love than he could even imagine giving. He had a relentless grip on his bad-boy image, was stubborn as all hell, but was a well-rounded, lovely guy!

And then the realization hit that he was going to die sooner than expected. Then...

Poof!

Now he's just a shell (Hahaahahahahaha) of who he used to be. Now all he has for himself is a bunch of self-deprecating jokes, responsibilities to pass on to others, and a lack of hope that is just so incredibly unlike him. He still has the sarcasm, sure, but this time it's a lot more dry and emotionless. There's no brevity or lightheartedness to his words anymore, it's all just a monotone mess of half-assed goodbyes and thrown out dreams for the future. Any method of survival has seemingly been lost to time for Donnie, so now he's just kinda... Accepting the fact he's gonna die soon, which only leaves him with his own decaying body and a voice he doesn't even want anymore. And judging by the way he just ignores or shrugs aside everyone's concern, it's all basically just him saying, "Welp, guess I'll die. Here's my shit, no will required."

Also another thing I noticed is that Donnie is basically not allowed to really do anything anymore because he's at risk of dying sooner than he already thinks he will. If he gets more rest and works less, his death come significantly slower.

Meaning he must feel incredibly useless right now.

I think I've also pinpointed the time when this all started happening to Donnie btw. It's a very small moment and I don't have the screenshot on me rn but I think it was in the robo-Raph comic, specifically the moment when Donnie was zooming over to Casey and went "Past" that Kraang alien dude on the way. I imagine he didn't really go past and instead went through, because u know, he's Donatello. If given the chance to commit murder, he will commit, and he very much had the chance right there. I think he went through that Kraang alien, (Very plausible given how fast he was going like jesus- ) got its blood inside a cut or something, and it infected him via his veins or something. Kind of a stretch to assume this since it literally could've been something that took place before the time of this comic series, but this was the earliest instance of foreshadowing/possible infection that I can think of.

I also want to apologize for making all those jokes about like taking you to court and throwing you in jail and stuff because maybe they came off as mean or rude at some points. And for constantly flooding your inbox lol-

Thanks for existing and for making this comic, and congrats on beating the deadline at work! I think you deserve a cookie for that! *Gives a million more cookies* oh yeah and those are for you being you

Oh my fuckiNG GoD...

I don't even know what to say to that

I guess I just want everyone else to be able to read it too because..oh shit...oh wow.

#I'm impressed #like #genuinely #don't worry i like being in jail lmao #so many people already thrown me there #this is my home now

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maverick-werewolf · 11 months ago

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Werewolf Article - (Play As A) Werewolf Video Games

The results of the poll for this month on my Patreon are in, and the winner is an opinionated article on werewolf video games! Apologies in advance if any of my opinions here anger you. I was asked for opinionated, so I went opinionated and did not hold back.

For clarity's sake: this will be a relatively concise list of SOME video games in which you can or do play as a werewolf. It will NOT include every single game in which you can or do play as a werewolf, nor will it include certain kinds of playable werewolves that exist in gaming, for the sake of brevity. You'll notice some missing and then want to be first to tell me I left out [thing], but I assure you I am aware of those too. I am also not going to list games in which you can play as a werewolf but it requires either user-made mods or else playing in a custom campaign/tileset/server (like Neverwinter Nights <3), only games wherein you can play as a werewolf as part of base game or expansion pack mechanics.

This IS a tiered list. It is tiered based on the werewolf gameplay mechanics and elements in the game.

Let's get started. I will begin at #9, go to #1, and then I will close with some words on some other games that didn't make the numbered list.

9. World of Warcraft: Cataclysm

Note: your player character will never have torn-up clothing or use his claws like in this artwork/like the enemy worgen do

I'm just going to list Cataclysm here because, frankly, I don't even want to discuss WoW at Shadowlands and beyond... even if discussing the model update will reach into that era of content. Obviously, I don't play WoW anymore and haven't in quite a while, but yeah, I used to really enjoy it. Played it for many, many years. Probably too many.

Cataclysm was a pretty outright bad expansion, but it did add playable worgen (something I obviously wanted from day 1 after seeing the worgen mobs running around), and they can even turn into human form, which is a must for me in terms of actually being a werewolf instead of just a wolf-person, which I wouldn't even roll. That was a nice touch I didn't actually expect from the devs.

Unfortunately, the model update turned them into something far "cuter" and more cuddly than I liked, not to mention adding preposterous fur options like stripes and merle, but the human form customization was nice. Still, the model update drove me toward playing different races, like maining my kul'tiran and night elf instead of the worgen I was always ultimately pretty disappointed in, given his wearing fine armor and wielding giant weapons. Anyway, the entire game took a huge nosedive not long after the model change, so it's a moot point for me regardless.

As for the deeper worgen lore beyond "they are werewolves with a funny name": I hate it with all my heart. I did my best to ignore every scrap of that and how they are just self-parodies, to delete the Gilneas/worgen starting zone quests from my entire brain, and especially to ignore the fact that they were all preposterously British despite England being one of the last places historically to even have many werewolf legends of its own. I have an article about that here if you are interested in the topic. The game made all of these things very difficult, especially how hard they wanted to drive home that the worgen are silly posh British parody dog-people strutting around in waistcoats and tophats instead of being fearsome cursed werewolves. So I won't bother going into all that.

The mechanics are fun except for the fact that you have to wear armor and use weapons, so ultimately you just look like a beast-person instead of a werewolf, especially after the model change making them far more appealing to a certain demographic. If Blizzard had wanted to put in effort, they would have made your gear look tattered and would have made you swap to claws when you turn, but that would've been a lot of work. They could have at least added a specialized class or something and then also given it to some Horde races to make the precious Horde players happy. I don't know. I just think werewolves wearing fine clothes and armor and wielding weapons is immensely silly. They're supposed to be werewolves.

So while they are extremely far from perfect, the worgen are at least relatively fun in that, if nothing else, you can go between werewolf and human forms and run on all fours as fast as the fastest ground mount, and I am deeply surprised they did either. I immensely enjoyed both of those things during my time playing a worgen, and they helped mitigate the great disappointment otherwise in many other regards - though not enough to keep me from maining other races, especially later on. But, in the end, WoW sucks now and it's unrecoverable, and WoW Classic is a joke, so I'll never be playing a worgen again anyway.

8. Diablo II

I'm sure you were looking for this one - the werewolf druid in Diablo II (preemptive sidebar: I am not going to talk about Diablo IV). I love his design and gameplay mechanics. He's fantastic. However, he is of course yet another instance of "the werewolf must be a druid," which I personally find a little tiresome after so much of it. But hey, this was one of the earlier games to do that, so it predated a lot of the craze.

At any rate, the Druid class in Diablo II obviously gets a werewolf form. It also gets a requisite werebear because werewolves can almost never just be werewolves, but at least the werewolf does not completely suck. You can also summon wolves, which is a bonus.

While I'm not really that big on Diablo-type gameplay - I prefer either third-person or else a proper isometric, party-based RPG - so Diablo II didn't really hold my interest a lot, the werewolf druid is very fun and a very cool werewolf, the setting is great, and the werewolf suits the dark Gothic feeling and look of the game that is enjoyable and well conveyed in the first place. The werewolf druid is a great addition that I am glad they added.

7. Baldur's Gate II

Let me make something perfectly clear: Baldur's Gate II is, in my opinion, the best game ever made (only Uncharted 2: Among Thieves also makes this rank for me). Combined with BG1 to create the Baldur's Gate Saga, it is one of the best stories ever told and also my favorite game mechanics-wise, again alongside Uncharted 2 even if yes, I know that those games could almost not be farther apart in terms of mechanics. I absolutely love BG2 beyond words. Please note I am talking about the original Baldur's Gate II, as released in 2000, not the "Enhanced Edition," which is a disgrace to the game, the entire series, and a piece of garbage. It's shamefully difficult to find the original game anymore, but it's worth it over playing the EE; trust me. I'll try to spare you any further ranting on this topic, as the original Baldur's Gate Saga is something very close to my heart.

Anyway, the werewolf in BG2 is - once again - a druid, specifically a druid subclass called Shapeshifter. It doesn't really have any werewolf gameplay mechanics in that you are not treated differently for it, nor do you transform out of your own control. In fact you will be spending the majority of your time in werewolf form, which can get quite tiresome. I'm not the biggest fan of a werewolf holding normal conversations with NPCs, etc. But regardless, it's there, and I love it, and it looks awesome, and that's more than I can say for so many games. Plus, you get cool bonuses and stuff. The power of it varies over time and with the progression of your character. I will not go too deeply into it, as I am actually an insane D&D video game nerd and even today I can spend far too much time building characters and tweaking numbers and doing ridiculous tricks in D&D games to powergame. If you want just one of my credentials I beat BG2 on the hardest difficulty with Ascension and no other gameplay mods. Long story short, the Greater Werewolf is quite powerful, and it shouldn't be a detriment to your party to either be one or bring along Cernd, one of my favorite companions.

So don't listen to the people down on the Shapeshifter in BG2. You can get mods that make them overpowered, anyway. Also don't listen to my complaints about it not feeling werewolfish enough because that's nearly impossible to come by anyway if you're not playing the #1 game on this list. Go try one out. It's fun! Plus, BG2 is the best game ever made.

6. Altered Beast

What are some of Mav's favorite things? Ancient Greece, hoplites, hot men, werewolves, dragons, tigers...

When I found out Altered Beast exists and is a game wherein you play as an awesome hoplite dude and turn into a werewolf, a green dragon, a tiger-man, and ultimately a werewolf is still the most powerful of all his forms, I was ecstatic. I had to play it immediately.

I wasn't disappointed. It's a fun, unforgiving game, because it was made before video games started becoming what I think we're supposed to call accessible today. I don't know what else there is to say about the game if what I've already said hasn't convinced you to play it. The werewolf form is your first transformation, and your most powerful is a golden werewolf. Me being me, I appreciate that a werewolf form is still the best in the end instead of being outshone by other creatures, and even the other forms available are all very cool.

As I said, I really don't know what more one could ask for of this setting and gameplay. I've never been picky about genre; I play a very wide variety of video games and have plenty of fun, and I certainly had fun with this one.

(Note: I'm not going to talk about that 2005 Altered Beast remake, I like to pretend it never happened)

5. Werewolf the Apocalypse: Earthblood

I'll be the first to admit I'm far from the biggest World of Darkness fan ever, as has brought many insults my way already, but I was pleasantly surprised by the mechanics of the werewolf form in Earthblood. I will not call it the "crinos form," as that terminology is so immensely silly that I could no longer take it seriously if I did. So anyway, the gameplay actually lets you feel like a werewolf, and you even get two stances you can swap between for different combat styles instead of anchoring werewolves down to just doing one thing. I'm not going to wax on about the lore, the story, etc. - but man the werewolf mechanics really are fun. It is, of course, the main draw of the whole deal, and they didn't slouch on that element.

It's important to me that a werewolf feel powerful and also violent. Werewolves should not be cuddly, or else they are no longer werewolves. Painting hallways with the blood of my enemies as if I'm recreating the Ninja lead-up in Metal Gear Solid while in werewolf form is cathartic and a good way to give the player a sense of being a werewolf instead of just an animal-headed person. This is a very solid "play as a werewolf" game, and one of the few games that exist with the primary purpose of letting you really play as a werewolf, whether you are a predetermined character or not. Be warned, the game is notoriously janky, but if you're like me, you're enjoying the werewolf mechanics enough that you don't care - or you can be even more like me and not give a toss about "jankiness" in a game in the first place.

4. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

While a significant and crushing downgrade from the werewolves in certain other Elder Scrolls entries - more on that momentarily - at least Skyrim let you become a werewolf in the base game. No waiting for an expansion pack and no waiting forever until you move on (thanks, Oblivion). However, the differences between the mechanics of werewolves in past entries and the Skyrim werewolves are many and tragic. I confess I did not play Skyrim much, partially as a result of these exact elements, and partially because I just don't spend much time playing video games anymore, among other things.

In Skyrim, being a werewolf becomes what is colloquially called an "awesome button," letting you turn into a big, strong, cool werewolf that can eat people to extend your werewolf timer. It's great and enjoyable, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't actually feel as if you are truly cursed with lycanthropy or smelly lupus or whatever silly name Elder Scrolls gave it (yes, I know the name, but that doesn't make it less silly). You have no real disadvantages to being a werewolf, such as having to worry about when you will transform outside your own control - because you never will, which is an immense downgrade in terms of feeling werewolfish and adding appropriate challenge and downside to being a werewolf. You also don't have to worry about being forced to devour a civilized race in order to sate your accursed hunger. Instead, you're doing that on purpose to turn out of werewolf form again, because the more you eat, the longer you stay transformed. Still, the werewolves in Skyrim are good - they just don't compare to previous entries. But I certainly appreciate them and the fact that they are present in the base game.

3. The Sims 3

Trust me, they do look better in game, but I couldn't find any of my own screenshots because it's been a hot minute since I played this.

You probably think I'm trolling you, but the werewolves in The Sims have always been pretty fun; I remember when the ones in 2 first came out, I enjoyed them like crazy. The ones in 3 rocked and were easily the best variant; too bad the game is relatively difficult to get running properly, and many aspects of the werewolves are delicate and easy to glitch, including your entire Sim's werewolf form design. I am not going to talk about those abominations that were added to The Sims 4, because they are some of the worst things I have ever had the misfortune of seeing and are not werewolves by any metric.

Sims 3 changed the aspects of Sims 2 werewolves that I didn't like, such as how being a werewolf altered your sim's entire personality over time and how the werewolf form always looked the same. They made the system much more robust. Frankly, the Sims 3 werewolves are some of the better werewolves in gaming, especially for the kind of game that The Sims is (expect assorted dog jokes, for example, given it's The Sims, yet it still isn't half as bad as it could be). I also love the wolf-man design; it works much better with Sims than something bigger and more wolfish. Certainly far better than whatever the hell is in Sims 4, which again, I will try my best not to talk about.

Anyway, I absolutely recommend Sims 3 if you enjoy Sims games and werewolves and want to have some werewolf fun. I'd probably still be occasionally blowing my finite amount of time on this earth playing it if I had it properly running on my current PC.

2. The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall

Bet you didn't expect to see this one, did you? You thought I was gonna say Skyrim as #2, right? Actually, I bet you thought I was going to say that one as #1.

The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall is a game many would consider unapproachable today. I enjoyed it. Obviously, I played it for the playable werewolf, and I had fun! They work similarly to the ones in Bloodmoon, but, in my opinion, they still aren't as fantastic as the Bloodmoon ones. But the game does force you to actually live and behave as a werewolf - I love the werewolf hunter[s] mechanic - which, again... it's almost the only one of its kind other than Bloodmoon. For that, it gets #2 on this list.

And that means you know what makes #1, untouched in its glory, undimmed by time...

1. The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind - Bloodmoon

Alright. Have I ever talked about how this is the single greatest werewolf game ever made? I think I have, but let's get into it again.

I like Morrowind in the first place. I think it's hands down the best of the Elder Scrolls series and, frankly, the only one really worth dedicating much time to (forgive me). I played it when it first came out, and while I have never been the kind of person to pour hours into any ES or even any other open world game, Morrowind held my attention even as a kid - before I knew about "open world" and before it was such a buzzword - whereas other games before and after it struggled to do so or else failed entirely. Morrowind was groundbreaking for its time in many ways. And then they announced the expansion pack called Bloodmoon that would let you play as a werewolf. I was so excited I could hardly stand it, and even with my extreme werewolf pickiness, I was not disappointed. At all.

This is a game wherein the werewolves are treated as a serious threat, they are insanely rare to encounter in the wild in any capacity (I actually became a werewolf through a random encounter because I ran around on Solstheim obsessively every night rather than just becoming one through the story - it took me many nights, IRL, to encounter one), and when you do run into them, they are likely to destroy you. You are insanely, over the top powerful when you turn into a werewolf, yourself. Some would even call it stupid. I would not. You run at the speed of light and your jump turns into borderline flight. It's basically gliding. You're also preposterously powerful in general. I love it.

Most importantly of all, however, is that you are actually forced to roleplay as a werewolf. You will turn each night, and you must consume 1 victim NPC of any of the playable races. Solstheim is full of assorted enemies that will work for this, but when you go back to Vvardenfell, it can be harder to find a nightly meal while avoiding devouring any quest NPCs. Plus, you have to manage your gear before and after transformations, and you have to be sure you are never witnessed transforming. The entire system is in-depth and very awesome, making you actually feel like a cursed being that has to worry when the sun starts to set, forcing you to run far from civilization.

I cannot put into words how much I adore this game's werewolf system. Nothing compares. This is a real werewolf system, instead of "play as a wolf-person" or "hit the awesome button to become a werewolf for a little while with 0 consequences" like basically every other werewolf game out there.

So long story short, if you claim to love werewolves and want to play as one in a video game, and you haven't played Bloodmoon, then you're lying to yourself and the whole world. Shame on you.

And now for things that didn't make the list...

10. Assorted Acknowledgements

This category is for ones I don't even really have a lot to say about, but I figured I would mention them.

Terraria - You can get an item that lets you turn into a werewolf when night falls. It's pretty fun! I like the mechanics of it, plus it has a neat werewolf design, to boot. I dock serious points in this game for straight-up replacing the zombies with hordes of werewolves in hard mode, though. "Werewolf infestations" and werewolves being zombie stand-ins these days is preposterous and overdone. But I had a lot of fun running around as a werewolf and exploring, so it's absolutely top of the non-tiered list especially as far as werewolf mechanics go.

Pillars of Eternity - The "werewolf" in this game is one of several animal-person forms the druid can get, continuing the common theme in gaming of druid werewolves. The wolf is decidedly the worst of the lot, less useful even than the prey animals available. Put bluntly: they are basically terrible, and you're an idiot to ever use this form when there are so many build options available. There are also lots of other RPG options available. As in other games out there in the world. You should play those instead.

Guild Wars 2 - You cannot actually play as a werewolf in Guild Wars 2, but I figured I would mention it because lots of people do. If you want to roll one of the Norn giant race, either as a pretty giant woman who is the mommy stepping on you from some men's dreams or as the ugly tiny-headed cartoon men, you can get an ability to turn into a werewolf for like 30 seconds; it's far from exciting. And like so many werewolf abilities today, it comes with the option to also turn into other humanoid animals with different abilities. I've heard that, of them, only the cat and bear are useful, which is not a shocker as video game logic goes (game devs think wolves straight up suck at everything lol). I didn't play a Norn during my stint with Guild Wars 2 - I played a male human. He's Nolan North, so he's obviously the only choice and also why I played the game as much as I did.

The Elder Scrolls Online - This disgraceful abomination of a "game" is terrible in every way and could not have been a bigger disappointment on the promise of an "Elder Scrolls but MMORPG" concept even from the very beginning. It was never good, it only ever got worse, and I am happy to say I abandoned it long ago (I am not happy to say I was playing it in early closed beta because of the promise of werewolves - and I played it far more than I should have, so I am not coming at this from ignorance). It is a game with designs so ugly and unremarkable that you want to quit and walk through the woods just to remind yourself beauty still exists in the world. ESO clearly had no idea what direction to take itself in from the moment it dropped, and it certainly was never created with the pretense of playing like an Elder Scrolls game but being massively multiplayer. It has no sense of mood or atmosphere whatsoever and possesses writing that will make you long for the riveting tales in other low-rent, low-thought MMORPGs. You can play as a hideous weird sad werewolf model that is absurdly small (most likely smaller than the race you are playing as, which means you actually shrink when you transform) and should have been left in beta, which functions like a worse awesome button werewolf than the ones in Skyrim, because you also suck gameplay-wise especially depending on the dev's mood with the meta. It is terrible, as is everything about the game. ESO also went out of its way to completely wreck all previous Elder Scrolls werewolf lore that was actually really good. Anyway, don't play this. Your time is worth more than that, even if you don't think it is.

That covers some of the best! Requisite apologies if I didn't include your favorite.

( Free Newsletter — Patreon — Wulfgard — Werewolf Fact Masterlist — Twitter — Vampire Fact Masterlist — Amazon Author page )

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liminalmemories21 · 3 months ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @screamlet (who I've been reading since at least 2010). Thank you!

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 48

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 711,517

3. What fandoms do you write for? 911 LS, and 911

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Long Story Short (series) - LS A home isn't always the house we live in - LS It came without ribbons! - LS Always Wear Your Invisible Crown - LS Awful quiet here since love fell asleep - 911

5. Do you respond to comments? I really try to, sometimes I think they get lost in my inbox, but I do try.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? uh, none of them? I don't think I've written anything that doesn't have a happy ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? hmmm, maybe It came without ribbons?, or Knave 4 (The Knave of Clubs ... swears he'll take her part). They both end in marriage proposals.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Just a few on Knave 4, which I expected and mostly ignored.

9. Do you write smut? more often than I ever imagined I would

10. Do you write crossovers? I love a good crossover. Haven't written one yet, but would enjoy it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of. Let's keep it that way. (finger's crossed)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yup! All the 911 stuff with @cecilyv - nothing better.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Well, I don't publish WIPs, not because I have an ethical stance on it, but because I'm usually still changing things at the beginning right up until I hit post and I don't understand how people post things as they write them. Not my process.

That being said, there's a LS kidfic that I'd like to finish some day, but every time I look at it I can't figure out where it's going.

16. What are your writing strengths? I feel like this is a thing other people need to tell me? Dialogue? Plot (apparently? or so 200,000 words of Knave-verse would like me to believe).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? brevity

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'd like to do more of it, because I have characters I write who I think probably do think in another language, but it's not a language I speak, so I don't.

19. First fandom you wrote for? published? Lonestar. unpublished? there's a Merlin story @cecilyv and I wrote for years that is mostly not great, but has it's moments.

20. Favorite fics you've written? ooh, okay:

There were a bunch I wrote early for LS that are kind of character studies that I love - A home isn't always the house we live in (Judd), Stitched with its color (TK & 9/11), and through same of am through haves of give (Enzo)

And, I'd be lying if I didn't say Knave-verse, because I think Knave 2 and Knave 4 are the best things I've ever written - and there is just so much of me in the way TK thinks about art.

And then Baggage That Goes with Mine - because there isn't necessarily me in there, but there is a lot of my history in fandom and the huge cultural shift that I have seen happen since I started reading fic in Tommy's story. Also, I do love me a split timeline narrative.

tagging @walkinginland, @rmd-writes, @alchemistc, @rcmclachlan, and @three-drink-amy

#contains me #writing-meta

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silverwhittlingknife · 2 years ago

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Hi! Thoughts on Dick and Tim during Murderer/Fugitive, and their argument over whether Bruce killed Vesper?

(My interpretation was that to Dick, Robin means not only unwavering loyalty to Batman, but unwavering faith (“I’m dismayed that there can be a Robin who believes Batman could be guilty of murder”)— whereas to Tim it’s more about having faith in the symbol and the mission, not the person)

Tim (suspicious that Bruce has emotional blind spots and is about to get a case wrong): Nightwing. Channel Two. Go discreet. (Gotham Knights 1)

Dick: I don't - I don't see how you can say that and still wear that uniform... Tim: The guy who gave it to me–the guy who wore it first–HE taught me never to back away from any possibility that might lead to the truth. And he still believes that… right? (Gotham Knights 26)

Ooh, look, it’s one of my favorite comics of all time. <33

Yeah!! I think hmmm. Both Dick and Tim are intensely loyal to Bruce and they both care about him a lot. But they do think about their loyalty to him in very different ways.

Also tl;dr I am biased here but also I am right dsfsfs - although I do think that Tim's loyalty is kinda to the symbol, I also think a big part of the issue here is that Tim's more unambiguous personal faith is given to Dick, not to Bruce. When Dick says, How can you wear that uniform and not have faith in Bruce, Tim answers, essentially, I wear this uniform because I have faith in you. Which is not what Dick wants to hear!

I had SO MANY THOUGHTS about this, so below the cut:

Dick and Bruce and the importance of faith

Tim and Bruce and the importance of doubt

More rambling Dick-and-Tim-and-Bruce thoughts

Dick and Bruce and faith

Dick’s notion of loyalty is pretty firm: “It's no secret Batman and I have had our... issues. But I won't be involved in anything that hurts him.” His connection to Bruce, from the very beginning, is all about their shared sense of mission: the oath in the candlelight. Dick’s got this intense loyalty that he feels he owes to Bruce, and he feels betrayed when it seems like Bruce isn’t reciprocating, because as far as Dick’s concerned they owe it to each other.

I think you owe me an explanation, Bruce. ... We were the Dynamic Duo, don’t you remember? / If Bruce Wayne doesn’t exist, who am I the son of? / I know you have to live through restraint. I understand how brevity is your moral compass. But why lie to me, of all people? Why would you lie to me. ME. ... I trust you more than anyone. / I've trusted Batman with my life since I was eight. / On top of everything, he's my father now, too... I want to hit people just for thinking bad thoughts about him.

Dick’s first experience of Bruce is fighting by his side. He initially conceptualizes his role of Robin as about being steadfast partners to each other, and although he'll sometimes later recategorize it as a kid's role, that doesn't change the way he thinks of his own relationship to Bruce: partners, no matter what.

Dick fights with Bruce a lot - he'll pick a physical fight in this very arc! He's not afraid to stand up to Bruce! He wants to be independent and bristles when he feels bossed around or ignored or when Bruce is dismissive or doesn't listen or doesn't call on him for help! But paradoxically, he stands up to Bruce because he has faith in him. Dick respects Bruce enough to confront him and he expects Bruce to offer him the same respect in return. He'll pour out his heart to Bruce because despite everything, some part of him expects Bruce to have an answer, to step up, to be the person Dick's determined to believe he can be.

Tim and Bruce and doubt

By contrast, Tim initially interacts with Bruce like a detective stalking a criminal. He collects newspaper reports. He follows Bruce and takes photos of him and gathers evidence to present to Dick. He goes to talk to Dick, not Bruce, about Bruce’s problems—and Tim will pretty consistently continue to talk about Bruce to Dick (or occasionally to Alfred), to work behind Bruce’s back, to be frank with Dick in ways that he’s not frank with Bruce. Tim’s often at pains to insist that he does respect and care about Bruce, but one of the reasons he has to keep insisting this verbally is because his actions and assumptions suggest a lack of trust.

Tim’s first experience of Bruce is of someone who could be a knight or a monster, who needs help and intervention, who can be loved but not entirely trusted. Someone who isn’t gonna be okay on his own; someone who needs saving and fixing; someone whose sense of himself can’t be entirely trusted or listened to. Batman needs a Robin. No matter what he thinks he wants.

In New Titans 71, Wolfman writes Dick musing about Tim as a Robin and how he’s different from Dick himself, and thinking, “He questions more.” Much later, in Teen Titans/Outsiders, Kory will note the same difference. Which is a funny thing to write given all Dick’s fights with Bruce—but I also think it’s a true insight! Tim’s default is questioning. Almost his entire tenure as Robin is spent as Bruce's apprentice, not his kid, and that affects his attitude a lot. He never takes his trust in Bruce for granted. It’s carefully considered—and it could be revoked. A part of Tim is always judging and measuring Bruce, deciding which qualities he thinks are admirable and which ones not so much, what's worrisome and what's not, analyzing whether Bruce is looking after his health or not, etc etc.

You have to promise me something. You'll listen to Alfred and at least call it a night and give yourself a chance to heal. / How many times are we going to have this conversation, Bruce? You died tonight. For almost two minutes you were dead. / Maybe Batman doesn't need to know about this. / He's a hard guy to get to know. / I have friends. He has... associates. / Bruce has been on the job the longest. It’s slowly driven him mad and eaten the human part right out of him. / My boss - my teacher is gone, gone as in fled, but also gone out of his head. And now he may be a murderer as well. / I think maybe Batman has gone crazy. / Don't like the risks he's taking. Don't like the way he spoke to me. I hope it's the concussion talking. I don't want to think his edge is coming back.

It’s not that Dick never worries about Bruce in this way. He does! In the arc right before Lonely Place of Dying, his inner monologue compares Bruce to an alcoholic. And IMO it’s strongly implied in Gotham Knights 26 (the Dick-and-Tim fight about Bruce maybe being a murderer) that one of the reasons Dick is so forceful and so upset by Tim’s suggestion is that he’s suppressing his own private doubts. Tim’s dragging into the open something that Dick is refusing to look closely at. Dick's faith is an act of will—if I’m going to be Bruce’s ally, then I can’t believe he’s capable of this. I can’t allow myself to believe it. And if I believe he’s capable of it, then I’m not acting as his ally anymore:

Dick: "I think it’s… admirable that you can continue serving a system in which you have so little faith. But I can’t. I can’t, Tim. I cannot believe that Batman is guilty of murder. I do not believe it, and I will not believe it. And I can’t stand with anyone who does."

You don't get this upset about somebody saying that the Earth is flat, you know? Dick's not laughing the accusation off; instead, he's drawing a hard line - I will not consider this. I refuse to go there. The topic is off-limits.

(In the same comic, you've got a similar fight going on between Alfred and Leslie with similar stakes - Alfred refusing to believe it but clearly harboring secret doubts, Leslie openly suspicious.)

General Dick-and-Tim-and-Bruce thoughts

Tim to friends: "I lie to Batman" (Teen Titans 3) Dick to Bruce: "But why lie to me, of all people? Why would you lie to me. ME." (Outsiders 21)

It’s always been Tim’s instinct to strategize around Bruce rather than with him. Tim will lie and circumvent Bruce’s orders, whereas Dick will disagree to his face. Dick respects Bruce enough to give him his say and argue back, whereas Tim tends to think of Bruce as an admired-but-unstable figure who you sometimes listen to but sometimes plan around.

And I think you get the core of that in this arc!

Tim voices his concerns pretty frankly to Dick, but is way more circumspect in front of Bruce, because he doesn't entirely trust Bruce - Tim thinks "is Bruce stable and trustworthy" is "a decision that Dick and I will make in consultation with each other," not a decision that Bruce can make.

In the past, Dick has basically gone along with this kind of thing - he and Tim gossip about Bruce a lot! So it's not surprising that Tim's first thought is that they can confer on it again. But when it becomes a question of "is Bruce murderous, criminal, immoral," then Dick's loyalty kicks in. That's too serious an accusation for Dick to feel entirely comfortable talking about it behind Bruce's back.

Generally IMO, how Dick conceptualizes his loyalty tends to vary a lot depending on who he's talking to. So e.g. in general, Dick's more likely to gripe about Bruce to Tim than he is to gripe about Bruce to the Titans, because he knows that Tim basically likes Bruce. Tim's Robin! Dick takes for granted that Tim is loyal. So it's not disloyal to complain about Bruce to Tim, because Dick and Tim are both on Bruce's side. Dick complains to Tim about Bruce abruptly summoning them into No Man's Land, but doesn't share the same complaint with the Titans. And that's because the Titans aren't friendly toward Bruce in general, and so bitching to them would be disloyal, would be airing dirty laundry outside the family.

By contrast, Tim's a safe audience... until you end up in a situation like Bruce Wayne: Murderer, when suddenly it sounds like Tim may not be on Bruce's side anymore. What are you saying, Tim?

I do think that if Tim had been right, if Bruce had been a murderer, Dick would've ultimately helped take him down. He's very defensive of Bruce because that's how Dick understands the obligations of loyalty, but... he's part of confronting Bruce and demanding explanations in the Cave, and he and Tim (and Cass and Babs) all investigate Bruce together. I think if there had been very very very credible evidence, Dick would've helped fight to take evil!Bruce down. But I also think he would've never stopped mentally searching for an explanation: mind control? body double? I think he'd have an incredibly hard time accepting that Bruce had just murdered someone.

And I mean! In Dick's defense! I don't think Bruce would! At the end of the day, I think Bruce deserves all kinds of criticism in post-Crisis, but I also tend to think that Dick's read of him is a bit more accurate than Tim's, that even though Bruce can act monstrously in all kinds of ways he is at bottom a person who would never ever ever murder a civilian girlfriend no matter how unstable he got and no matter how threatened his secret was. Dick might have a bit more faith in him than he deserves, but at the same time, Tim's jumping to the worst-case scenario pretty fast here, much as he does during Batman: RIP, and I think you could definitely argue that Dick - who's known Bruce longer and better, who lived with Bruce for years instead of just worked with him - has a better and more instinctive sense of Bruce's strengths instead of just his faults.

(And in Tim's defense, as Babs is about to point out to Dick, Bruce has not been behaving especially well recently and Tim has a lot of reasons to be frustrated with him. And Tim's not the only one - Babs is pretty suspicious too!)

.... And of course, I mean, as a Dick and Tim fan, I love that this arc makes very clear that Tim feels his own loyalty is to the symbol, yes, but also that he associates the symbol with Dick first and with Dick's sense of morals, that he trusts Dick, that he sees the costume as something Dick gave him and that's the legacy that he's trying to live up to, to never walk away from the truth, that he thinks the two of them need to be willing to consider the worst of Bruce .... and also the delightful paradox that this isn't loyalty that Dick asked for or wants or welcomes!!

Dick has always taken for granted that Tim was loyal to Bruce, not to Dick; he's not at all happy to hear the opposite. This isn't a heartwarming moment for them but instead a really fraught one, because it's a declaration of Tim's loyalty but it's a declaration of Tim's loyalty that's specifically about not offering unconditional loyalty to Bruce, so Dick feels like he's being invited to be traitors together instead of feeling touched by Tim's trust. Tim's loyalty is something he has to learn to come to terms with rather than something he's happy to have.

And I think that's great!! I love love love these kinds of complicated emotional dynamics (TM), and Bruce Wayne: Murderer is full of them. It's such a fun read.

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK <33 i rambled for so long sdfdsfs but i really really love this whole arc #it's such a great fight and it does so many interesting things with characterization #it's a story about everybody's very individual relationships with bruce #and all the focus is on the emotional dynamics of WHY they're making particular choices #dick & tim #dick grayson #tim drake #ask tag

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plaguedoctormemes · 1 month ago

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Hello! If you don't feel up to this, I understand, but I wanted to ask here since I feel like your blog is reaching out to the right people for my purposes. I am currently debating whether or not I want to go on T! I wanted to ask you to publish this so that your followers who have also gone on T may be able to share their experiences. Primarily I am curious about body and facial hair, perspiration, and mood changes, though I will take any amount of experience shared. I'm looking for the positive, negative, and neutral!

whether you decide to publish this or not, thanks for your time :]

Hi! 87 for the sake of brevity, i will only share my objective transition and experiences, as well as a couple observations of a couple of my friends that are on T. Followers are free to chime in, as asker requests. I started T at 20 and have been on T for 8 years- however, I have admittedly been kind of bad at taking it consistently in cases where I was busy with school or had a lot going on in my personal life, so i would say it’s been closer to 6-7 years total.

Body and facial hair: if i remember correctly, i began growing facial hair about 3-6 months in (its been 8 years since i started my transition now, so its hard to remember for sure). It will be sparse and uneven for awhile, but should fill out fully after a few years on average. My facial hair started to grow more evenly and fully at about 2.-3 years in. Look to the men in your family if you’re able to determine the texture and pattern you can expect. My facial hair, even the pattern, is identical to my bio father’s. You may not grow a bunch, but you *should* expect that you will grow hair in places you didnt think before you see any significant facial hair progression. I do not grow more than a few hairs on my chest or back, but that’s like my father, so expected. I was not expecting how much hair would grow between the (non-face) cheeks, however. One friend has still patchy spots and sparse hairs on his face after 4 years of T (very different from me, we are both white+mexican) while his (italian) husband has a nice mustache and has a moderate amount of chest+belly hair.

Perspiration: i began to sweat more especially in the first couple years, but not THAT much more often than I was used to. I feel like now as I have gotten older i sweat more when it is hot, but it could also just be that im much more hydrated on average than i was when i first began transition and thus i produce more sweat. It’s not to an unmanagable or abnormal degree. My sweat began to smell different and you can expect general body odor (including your genitals) to have a change of scent. I quite like how i smell now. I now have a somewhat woody, musky and smoky natural scent.

Mood changes: i was/am much happier. I felt like my body was literally lighter. I didnt’ realize how much easier moving around would be- however, this is just the direct effect of T assuaging my intense dysphoria. Other than that, my overall general mood was better. I genuinely think T cured my depression, but I knew it would because I already knew i needed it and i didnt have that many problems that would affect my mood in such a way antidepressants werent nearly as affective for me because it didnt address my dysphoria and related issues. However, and this is pretty common, my libido went through the roof. Most people on T tend to experience a higher libido/sex drive, it’s normal- but unfortunately for me for like a solid year/year and a half I think I could have fit the boxes to be described as hypersexual. I’d be prepared to deal with that, however it may be. It’s not unheard of that people have a lower libido or unchanged taking T, but more often than not i find most people notice a slight to moderate increase in their sex drive. Idk your sexuality (i didnt check ur profile but) just in case: if you take T and experience it, know that it’s perfectly normal, it’s not bad, and (imo) its better to deal with it in a healthy manner than to repress it. Maybe find a hobby or fidget toys or chew gum if it starts to become a distraction in your normal day-to-day.

Other notable things for me: 1) my face got soooo oily but I was prepared to deal. Have a face regimen planned if your skin appearance is important to you. I carried oil blotting paper with me everywhere and washed my face twice a day. I like to use starface stickers (but any pimple patch works, theyre just fun) to cover any zits and help them heal. I exfoliate once a week, and use toner once a day and moisturizer every wash to help teach my skin to not over-produce its own oil. 2) my head hair began to thin 2 years ago. This is much earlier compared to my bio father, i believe i got this from my mother’s side, as my late grandfather began balding from a younger age. I am at peace with this and like how i look with a shaved head, though.

Misc stuff: Bottom growth + sensitivity, but you get used to it. You may even experience swelling (clit erection) and some difficulty peeing when aroused. I developed an adam’s apple (some don’t), within my first year. Abnormally, my voice also first dropped literally after my first shot the following week. I unexpectedly grew 2 inches taller despite most people not experiencing any further growth past puberty (though i have had other abnormalities in growth throughout my life, like weird child-exclusive diseases and still carrying baby teeth in my teens). I also started to grow hair on my fingers and toes which I never had before. Other than those things I got a lot of the typical changes.

#the doctor is in #t #testosterone #hrt #long post #ask

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librarycards · 11 months ago

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hi sorry i saw u rb posts on veganism & i was wondering how you reconcile that stuff re: ED's (for context i am vegetarian -which ik isn't the same thing- for eco/ethical reasons but also have loved ones with eating problems that i never never never want to shame for eating ever)

this is a good question! I've addressed it a few times before on here, but in brief: veganism is a philosophy and ethical orientation around all forms of consumption and relationality. food is, for a number of reasons (many of which also contribute to the prevalence of eds - fixations on false ideas of 'perfectable' heath; desirability politics; etc) a hypervisible component of vegan life. this is particularly true given that there is a massive imbalance in the ways that we collectively gather. a focus on food-themed events marginalizes a wide variety of disabled people and/or people with religious/ethical food restrictions, and in this case, being vegan and living with an ed are actually pretty similar re: exclusion and frustration.

given the above, more and more people these days have been delineating between "vegan" and "plant based". to be vegan, here, is to have a certain set of political commitments - toward multispecies + climate justice, via critical analysis and collective organizing regarding what we are, literally and figuratively, expected to swallow under settler colonial capitalist hegemony. to be, or eat, a plant-based diet, is no more than what it says on the tin.

with that important distinction aside, i actually want to focus on one part of your ask: the idea that to be vegan is in and of itself an act of shaming. i want you (and not specifically you, because this is something a lot of people should ask themselves) to think about why you find veganism itself to shame (verb) nonvegans. generally, there are a few reasons for this: perhaps it's just not having met a lot of vegans and only hearing internet scaremongering. perhaps it's a discomfort not unlike other unwillingness to look at the horrible shit that makes "our" lifestyles possible. it is hard to understand our own complicity in hegemonic violence, and, vegan or not, it is impossible to extricate ourselves fully from it. but we do need to look. veganism, at its best, provides a critical lens for looking, and a set of practices to minimize, as best we can, our buy-in.

truthfully, i think that people who feel shamed by the existence of a vegan in their midst should figure that problem out on their own. this includes psychiatrically disabled people, incl. disorderly eaters. this does not give any of us license to harangue vulnerable people for their eating habits, but it also doesn't morally obligate us to change our lifestyles for their comfort!

as a vegetarian, you probably don't have a whole lot of occasion to talk about your vegetarianism (outside, say, drs offices or food-based gatherings). people are often surprised when they learn that i'm vegan, because they assume all vegans must be "preachy" (i have yet to meet a vegan over the age of eighteen irl who is like this. i've met a lot of Big Mad protein bros, though, as well as MYRIAD preachy med professionals and laypeople who freak tf out that i'm a principled vegan anorexic). at the end of the day, you need to be able to live a life you can tolerate, one that best facilitates you to impart good in the world + in your relationships. one that allows you to understand the gravity and importance of your own survival, on your terms. if vegetarianism or veganism do that for you, those who love you will support it, even if it takes a while.

so, yeah. i'm not sure if you wanted explanation, advice, or both, so I gave both. sorry for the long answer (even though i promised brevity...) but i believe very strongly in bodily autonomy - this informs my veganism - anarchism - broad politic, and my answer to this ask. so you got an essay!!

#disorderly eating #mine #ed m #i'm trying desperately to retag relevant stuff as #disorderly eating to make it easier to find but it will probably be a wip for a while #vegan #autonomy

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the-undercity · 1 year ago

Text

Careful With Otherlinking (May Lead To Thoughtform)

(edited as of 8/20/23 to be a little more concise, hopefully sound Less Aggressive, and revised without links for the sake of brevity)

TL;DR available at the bottom!

THE POST:

I'm not an expert on the subject of otherlinking. I'm simply making this post to inform people who either stumble across the community (like I did), or who may be in the community and are not already aware of the information I will be talking about here. Namely that some guides detailing how to form a linktype have a similar enough process to thoughtform creation that there may be the unintended side effect of accidentally creating a thoughtform if you are not careful with what you're doing.

The guides for forming a linktype that I have seen follow the steps of immersing yourself in things related to the linktype you are trying to work towards, which itself is very innocuous and not at all an issue! However, with communities/practices such as soulbonding, the same steps are present. The difference is whether your focus is placed internally or externally (with things such as asking in your head what your chosen linktype would prefer in certain situations, this line of thinking can particularly easily move into the "external focus" area).

With otherlinking having similar steps to something like soulbonding (the example here, and what originally made me write this post), it's no wonder that there have been reports here on Tumblr of people who ended up experiencing accidental thoughtform creation while trying to form their linktypes. The numbers are slim, but the potential does seem to be there, if their stories are to be believed!

Otherlinking itself is nothing that is any different from another alterhuman community. My intention is not to scare anyone off who is a prospective member of their community or make people in the community question what they've been doing already. My whole goal for this post is to inform people that there is the potential for an unwanted side effect like thoughtform creation. You should be aware of the effects of everything you do in life after all!

Whether or not this is a bad outcome to you, or you believe in thoughtforms at all (for those who doubt things related to the topic), the fact of the matter is that it is a serious outcome for people who otherwise may not fully understand what is going on, or what they're getting into. To put it simply, if you follow a guide to form a linktype, you expect a linktype, not another consciousness in your head!

WHAT TO DO:

If you're someone who writes guides for forming a linktype, it would be helpful to add a note about the possibility for this outcome in the guide, or if possible (and if you'd like to), revise any steps that might contribute to the unintended consequence. If you're someone who has linktypes or would like to get into the community, just do your best to be aware and educated! Talk to your peers, get involved, and find out what's the norm and what isn't for your experiences. There's a good chance it'll never happen to you, but do your best to understand the methods you're using and why they work the way they do. If you're someone who HAS experienced what I mentioned in the post, I implore you to reach out and ask questions! Don't hesitate to seek advice or find others who might be able to help you understand your situation better. Finally, if you're anyone else, aside from the above- perhaps even just a curious onlooker who happened to read this all the way to the end (or skipped here)- spread the word if you can! Likes and reblogs help and are greatly appreciated.

Feel free to message me questions, comments, or concerns related to this post. If you think I missed something or should have reworded anything in here, let me know! I wish the best for anyone who reads this. Thank you!

TL;DR : This is a notice about otherlinking's methods of forming a linktype being similar to methods of creating a thoughtform, and that trying to form a linktype may lead to unintentional thoughtform creation.

#otherlinking #otherlink #copinglinking #copinglink #otherkin #choicekin #important

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cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal · 1 year ago

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POV!

Okay! I've finally carved this into a finished product! Why is it so long? Because I know no such thing as brevity. Anyway, thank you so much for this prompt. It was a delight to work with

So, here we are: the first Boneyard scene and Rashad through the eyes of Wei Chen. Probably worth noting that Rashad's villainsona is Heartbreak and regularly referred to as "he" by the media.

Read it on AO3 or

Wei almost doesn't believe his eyes when he sees Rashad sitting on the far bench of the Boneyard, their cane propped against the wood beside them. They sit with their shoulders hunched, their eyes screwed closed, everything in their posture rigid and exhausted like they're being hounded by troubles unseen. It feels impossible to ignore that fact that they've only seemed to have gotten worse since Ricardo dragged them into Headquarters the first time. Every time they show up, they look as though they've somehow gotten less sleep than the last time Wei has seen them.

He approaches them slowly, expecting them to pick up his presence telepathically as they always do, but Rashad stays still as a statue where they sit. He should announce himself, but Wei can't help the curiosity at finding Rashad off their game. They still don't move as he sits down beside them, being careful not to knock their cane over as he does, as far from them as the small bench will allow. It's as if they haven't picked up his presence. Strange. Rashad is always seemingly aware of everything going on in their vicinity. Always vigilant. Not quite always, Wei sees.

This is an opportunity that he has been presented with and Wei takes it with both hands. He watches Rashad's face as they scrub their palm across it, never once opening their eyes. The dark circles beneath their eyes have grown deeper. Their face has grown more gaunt over the last year. Haunted. Hunted. Wei files it away with the other oddities of Rashad's behaviour of late.

The longer they sit in silence, seemingly unaware of their surroundings, the more Wei begins to feel like he's intruding on something he shouldn't be. Will Rashad flinch away when they become aware of Wei's presence? Experience says yes. They've not had the most amicable relationship in the past.

He clears his throat, waiting for Rashad to react, but they don't. It's almost like their mind is elsewhere, their body left empty on the bench. It's unlike them to be so unaware. Then again, they've been very unlike themself this past year. Wei tries again, shifting the fortress walls of his mind so one thought shines loud through them. Someone is trying to talk to you. At the same time, he says aloud, "I didn't know you had a dog."

Whatever fog Rashad is wading through, that seems to cut it. They open their eyes blearily, blinking and rolling their shoulders as though they had been asleep. Dark irises shift to Wei, taking him in from his baseball cap to his running shoes. It's difficult to say what emotions lie behind the scrutiny of Rashad's near black eyes. After a long silence, they say, "What did you say?"

"I didn't know you had a dog," Chen repeats. It's a true enough statement, though he doesn't fully believe Rashad has one at all. They've always been….not skittish, but certainly wary around dogs. Always seemed to keep space between themself and dogs. Never reaches out to pet any.

"I don't," Rashad says. They brush their hand through their messy waves, not that it does anything to make their dark tresses any neater. "I like watching them run."

"It is soothing, isn't it?" It's an olive branch. A refusal to acknowledge the fact that he'd snuck up on them. "Coming here always makes me think."

Rashad gives a tired little chuckle, sounding a bit more sharp than sincere. "I come here to do the opposite, actually." Their eyes wander back over the dogs running across the grass. There’s something in their expression that he can’t quite read. Is it longing? For what? They scrub their palm across their face again, taking a deep breath to steady themself. “Which one is yours?”

Wei turns his eyes to the dogs, seeking out Spoon among the pack. He points when he spots him. “He’s over there. The grey one.”

Rashad’s brows furrow at that. “The greyhound?”

“Very funny,” Wei sighs, rolling his eyes. "He's adopted."

They turn their gaze on him, still looking confused. “I assumed.”

Wei bristles a little at the look in Rashad’s eyes. This isn't how this conversation was supposed to go. What are they implying? Are they baiting him? "Not going to tell me about how there's no family resemblance?"

Rashad flinches at that, and Wei feels guilt gnaw sharply at his stomach. “I'm not Ricardo. I'm not looking for a fight."

How they manage to make themself feel so much smaller than their stature has always baffled Wei. Always trying to take up less space than they physically need. It’s only gotten worse since they….he wonders who taught them to be this way. The fight leaves him and he slumps his shoulders. “I'm sorry." He spares Rashad an apologetic smile. "And it's not a fight." Not yet.

Rashad's shoulders relax in turn and they offer Wei an exhausted smile back. "Good," they say softly. They never used to speak this quiet, this soft, just above a whisper. Like a ghost on the wind. "I don't have the energy to fight anymore."

Wei tries not to wince at that. He's certain Rashad means arguing. Just an unfortunate phrasing, he's sure. He hopes.

Impassive dark eyes give him a long, discerning look before Rashad nods near imperceptibly, as though whatever they're looking for in Wei was found. "I don't think I've ever seen you out of uniform." A statement of fact before their voice softens. "It suits you."

Wei thinks back to their Sidestep days, before he had the weight of the title of Marshal on his shoulders, before he had both their and Anathema's blood on his hands. No, he supposes they never have seen him out of uniform. Arguably, he'd never seen Rashad out of costume, either. Hints of teal and charcoal grey always peeking out beneath heavy hoodies and zipped up jackets, mask hanging out of their pocket. Always ready for a fight. Anathema and Ricardo saw them out of uniform, right? Or were they on edge with them, as well?

"It doesn't happen as often as I'd like," Wei responds at last. He turns Spoon's leash over in his hands as he thinks. How do you have a conversation with a dead man? Especially when they've never been friends. Staunch allies, occasional chess opponents, but Wei has never been sure what Rashad does in their free time.

Rashad saves him the trouble, answering, "I can imagine. It's a miracle you find time for a dog."

"I do have a life outside of work, you know." It comes out sharper than Wei wants it to. Old habits returning to the surface. He regrets it as soon as he says it.

Another wince. "That's not how I meant that." They pick at the skin around their nails. Funny. Wei thought Anathema had broken them of that habit. He supposes, without her around to take their hands and berate them, it's easy to fall back into nervous tics. And they're not familiar enough for Wei to get away with doing it instead. He's pulled back into the conversation as Rashad says, "I just meant that I don't know where you find the time."

“I don’t mind the early hours,” Wei admits. "And I need to stay sane somehow."

Rashad chuckles. A genuine laugh. It's a warm sound from deep in their chest. Wei wonders when the last time he heard it was. "You and me, both."

It's strange, sitting beside Rashad, having a calm conversation. They used to be more prickly, meeting every question Wei had with a sardonic rejoinder, always parrying then feinting. Whatever happened in time after the Heartbreak Incident seems to have sanded down their sharper edges. He's not sure if he's relieved or if he misses it.

The sight of Spoon padding up, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, pulls Chen from his thoughts. He scratches Spoon behind the ears and adjusts his muzzle, watching Rashad out the corner of his eye.

There's a subtle shift as Rashad leans just a fraction away from Spoon, tension in their shoulders and knuckles, but they don't stand up from the bench. They seem to be watching him and the dog closely. For what, Chen is unsure. They don't reach out or ask to pet him, as expected, but there is something in the set of their lips that Wei just can't quite place. If he didn't know better, he might call it wistfulness.

"Hey, boy," Wei mumbles as he pats Spoon's head. "Go have another run; I'll be right here."

As Spoon trots off to rejoin the other dog, Wei turns his full attention to Rashad once more. "I was always under the impression you didn't like dogs?" Normally, Wei wouldn't be quite this forward in his prying. Better to be subtle and gentle, but Rashad seems to be more receptive to being direct. Shame Wei learned it seven years too late.

Rashad's brows furrow and they turn their gaze back to the dogs on the field. Their eyes track the movement as their frown deepens. "We have a complicated history."

For a moment, Wei isn't sure if Rashad is talking about the dogs or themselves. They've gotten better at speaking in riddles, giving Wei only half the pieces of the puzzle and no bigger picture to go by. Though, if he's right about his hunch regarding their connection to the new Heartbreak, it makes sense that they'd perfected telling half truths. He's still not fully convinced he is right. It's hard to reconcile the fanged mirror with the face of the man sitting beside him.

"What's his name?" Rashad's voice. Not the many voices of Heartbreak. It brings new questions with it as it hits Wei's ears.

Wei's brows knit together. "You never ask for names."

"I don't ask because, most of the time, I don't need to," they say with a shrug. They give him a wry smile and tap their temple twice. "It's easier to just ask when it comes to pets."

"Not going to just pull it from my head?" There's no bite to the question, but a hidden hook. Heartbreak had strong enough telepathy to not only down Carter's guards and rock Wei's mental shields, but also to pick out the location of the staff in danger. A wide step above what Rashad used to be capable of. Or so they used to say.

They scowl at him, the look in their eye implying they think he's being obtuse on purpose. "I already told you, I can't turn it off, but I don't go digging around in people's heads without reason."

Without reason. Wei wonders where lie the lines of reason Rashad won't cross. They don't seem to be the type to kill, and neither does Heartbreak, but how long will that last? How careful can they be before they hurt someone? Or themself.

"Chen?" Their deep voice is gentler now. That glimpse behind the exhausted mask is gone again. "Are you going to tell me his name?"

Chen turns away, watching his dog run with the others. "It's Spoon."

There's a long pause as Rashad considers that before they ask, "Like….spoon theory?"

Wei smiles despite himself as he spares Rashad another glance. "I thought you might get it."

"I guess that was obvious even before I-" They stop abruptly, staring down at their own hands as they flex their long, scarred fingers. As Wei watches them, it hits him that it almost looks like Rashad's right hand has the wrong undertone, maybe just a shade too light to match the rest of them. His thoughts stray back to the doctored photos. A body tattooed, broken, and torn open. The body's right arm had been shattered beyond hope of repair, had it been alive.

But that wasn't Rashad. Rashad isn't dead. They're sitting right next to Wei, wearing long sleeved layers that would cover bright orange tattoos and should, by all rights, be pushing them towards heat stroke. Just a trick of the eye, of the light, of the imagination. Nothing more than a paranoid mind drawing connections between things that don't exist. He’s been spending too much time listening to Ricardo’s harebrained theories again.

"It's not an indictment, Basri." An olive branch. "And, if it's any consolation, it's only noticeable if you know what you're looking for."

They clench their fists one last time, holding until their knuckles pale, before they relax their hands with a deep exhale. Rashad's expression smooths out as they watch Spoon run. "He's a good influence on you."

"He is," Wei admits. It isn't the first compliment Rashad has ever given him, but it is the first given without being couched in joke or tease. He scratches his chin idly as he wonders if it's also the longest they've ever held a civil conversation. It feels like it. It only feels fair that he does his best to keep it going. Making up for lost time, perhaps. "I didn't grow up with dogs." Definitely the first time he's discussed his personal life with Rashad, but maybe they'll open up in kind. "I got one for rehabilitation after I lost my hands."

Rashad raises an eyebrow, but doesn't sound judgemental when they say, "You had a service dog?"

"In a way." It's Wei's turn to flex his fingers. He wore his civilian hands today, preferring the facsimile of flesh over the dark metal of his work hands. They’re still not convincing enough to Wei’s eyes. They move too clean, too smooth, to precise. Does Rashad notice their inhuman grace? Most don’t. “You remember the early generation cybernetics?”

Rashad nods, their eyes also trained on Wei’s hands. “I do.”

A silly question, in retrospect. Some of the only non-confrontational interactions they ever had were the quiet moments spent on the workshop floor, letting Rashad adjust his cybernetic hands. They had worked with such precision that it was impossible for them to not be trained in working. Just another specialty that they were too young to have.

"Then you know they had problems with the sensory interfacing.” Another meticulous flexing of his fingers. They’ve come a long way since his first pair. “Touch…especially soft touch, was an issue. Had it been feet, I doubt they would have cared, but hands…" The sound he makes is more of a grim bark than a laugh. "Soldiers need hands, pilots need fine motor manipulation, and I was a good enough pilot that they wanted me back."

“And the dog?” They’re invested now. Wei can hear it in their voice, see it in the way their dark eyes zero in on him.

"They handed me a puppy.” He cups his hands, remembering how he held her for the first time. Different hands, same pang in his heart that he’d break her like he had so many other things since his cybernetics were installed. It’s similar to what he’s feeling now. This tentative peace rests in his hands. He doesn’t want to break it. “It was so small. You have to be gentle with a puppy. The consequences are bigger than a broken glass or a bent fork. Fostering it became part of my rehabilitation."

Rashad’s eyes fix on Wei’s hands. Something is circling in their head, he can see it in the way a muscle twitches in their cheek. “They didn’t let you keep her.” Her, not it. They don’t even have the self awareness to frame it like a question. Just plucking the thoughts from his head like it’s nothing.

“No,” he answers regardless. “She got adopted out.”

“And you were sent back to the army.” What is it in Rashad’s tone that catches Wei off guard? There’s a connection there. One he can’t make out, hidden deep within the walls Rashad keeps up at all times, but it’s there. A lamentation for the lack of autonomy.

He can’t focus on that, or he’ll want to go digging for the source of that emotion. Ripping up metaphorical turf and rosebuds to find whats beneath, no matter how much Rashad will hate it. Instead, he turns his attention back to Spoon and says, “It was a long time ago.”

“It’ll never be long enough, though.” It’s spat out so low and bitter that Wei isn’t sure he’s heard correctly.

“What?” he asks, just to be sure.

“Why is he muzzled?” Definitely not what they said a moment ago, but something earnest in their tone catches Wei’s attention. It sounds like they’re bracing themself for something.

“He was trained to race. To chase small, soft things and try to catch them,” Wei explains watching the small shifts in Rashad’s expression. What are they thinking in that head of theirs as they watch Spoon. “He doesn't mean to bite, and he’s gotten a little better, but accidents happen. This way, he's safe. He can't hurt anyone." Wei motions at the fence, drawing Rashad’s eyes with the motion. "Just like he can't run away from me."

“Run away…..” Rashad echoes. They sound a bit like they’re far away now, trying to cling back to reality from whatever it was that Wei said that set them off. He recognizes that slipping. Ricardo says they’ve been seeing a therapist, but Wei wonders if it’s helping them at all. After all, how many therapists are equipped to deal with someone who’s lived Rashad’s life? There are so very few psychiatrists who are trained for the particular traumas that crop up in boosts, especially in heroes.

"They're trained to run away from their handlers. First time I got him, he escaped. I made a bad call.” Seems to be more and more common these days. “Ran until his paws bled. Almost got hit by a car. Had to call in D-” Wei comes to a dead stop as he remembers himself. He spares Rashad a tentative glance before continuing, “Herald to find him."

Something in that makes Rashad smile a little. “He told me his name. You can call him Daniel.”

Wei shrugs, “I wasn’t sure.” He levels a serious expression at Rashad. His tone brooks no argument. “Stick to Herald in public. He’s trying to keep it out of the press.”

Their dark eyes snap up to him, a question obviously resting on the tip of their tongue, but instead, they simply say. “Of course.”

Rashad picks up their cane from beside them, but they don’t get to their feet, they just turn the handle between their hands. Apparently, they’d grown tired of picking at their fingers. “You were always good at that,” they don’t look at Wei, but they keep smiling softly as they stare down at their cane. “Respecting boundaries. Luis’, Anathema’s, Herald’s…..mine. Even with the way we are, you’ve been respectful. I always admired that about you.”

The compliment catches Wei off guard, leaving him reeling for something to say in response for a while. They’ve never been one to give compliments as freely as they have today. Ricardo spent years trying to needle flattery from them to no avail. What’s changed?

The silence between them must stretch out too long for Rashad. They change the topic as they break it. “Wouldn’t a puppy be easier than retraining a grown dog?”

“Puppies are more of a hassle,” Chen answers automatically. Too young, barely listen, foolhardy, and brash. He looks at Rashad again, who is once more intently watching Spoon. Their lips press into a thin line, their eyes hard despite the melancholy there. Wei wishes he were the telepath between them. “And….I feel like I understand him.” Admitting it feels like pulling out his own teeth, but Rashad has been generously forthcoming. It’s only fair that Wei meets them halfway. “Being good at something. Being lost when you can't do it anymore. It's easier to find a balance when you're on the same level."

Rashad’s head snaps to look at him, their brow knitted, their lips just slightly parted. They look at him as if really seeing him for the first time. The scrutiny makes Wei shift in his seat a little. As if on reflex, Wei opens his mouth and says, “So why did you come here?” He immediately regrets it. It sounds too much like an opening jab, even to him. The start of a fight. Rashad shouldn’t put him so aggressively on the defensive this way, but they so often do.

Rashad’s posture shifts, hands tightening on their cane. Their shoulders hunch again and they lean just a touch away from Wei. Withdrawn, wary, waiting for the next attack. “I came to watch the dogs.”

“I watched you for a bit before I spoke,” Wei admits. He tries to keep his tone gentle, light, conversational. It still sounds a bit like an interrogation. “You looked…” Distracted. In pain. Like a wreck. “You’ve never let me sneak up on you before.”

They shouldn’t be able to physically slump their shoulders any more than they already have, but still Rashad seems to manage. Wei wonders if they’d collapse in on themself if they could. It’s only gotten worse since their Sidestep days. At least, back then, they’d stand tall sometimes. When the mask was on. Always so sure of themself when not wearing their own face. Perhaps that’s why Wei sees so much of Rashad in Heartbreak. That same self confidence in the set of his shoulders that Sidestep had, the same authority in his fragmented voice, the same single-minded focus on his goals.

Rashad’s jaw works a moment before they answer, “It was a rough night.” They sound honest. More so than they have felt for the entire conversation.

The weight of what they’re not saying drapes itself across Wei’s shoulders like an albatross. “Are you okay?”

Rashad’s laugh is hollow, weighed down by grief. “No,” they answer easily. “I don’t think I’ve been okay for a while now, Chen.”

“After everything you’ve been through, I’d be surprised if you were.” Wei winces as he realizes how that sounds and quickly amends. “I don’t think any of us are. I know I’m not.”

Rashad’s eyes flash to him and then back away. “Huh.”

Wei fights the urge to cross his arms. “What?”

“I guess I always saw you as unshakeable,” they admit. “Indestructible.”

“What gave you that impression?” How can someone so intelligent be so damn dense sometimes? It baffles Wei to no end. "A lot of my body has been replaced. I'm intensely aware of exactly how destructible I am."

Rashad physically flinches from the words, their thumb worrying over the back of their right hand. Another old tic. Wei frowns as he watches the motion. Did the old burn scar from Anathema’s acid fade? He can’t even see it anymore. “I didn’t think about that,” they say at last. Their voice shakes a bit when they speak, like something in Wei’s words struck a nerve. “I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Wei looks at Rashad, suddenly missing how open their expression used to be. They used to wear their emotions on their sleeve. Now they’re hidden behind a wall as impressive as Wei’s. “You never used to apologize before.”

Rashad nods at that, slow and solemn. “I didn’t. Never felt like I needed to.”

“What changed?” This one doesn’t sound like a jab and Wei nearly sighs in relief.

“I didn’t have as much to apologize for back then.” The sentence digs its nails unpleasantly into Wei’s mind. He doesn’t like the implications. But Rashad continues before he can mention it. “And like I said earlier, I don’t have the energy to fight anymore.”

Wei hums thoughtfully at that. Sitting next to him, slouched and dressed in drab, baggy clothes, they certainly do feel too worn to fight anymore. But Wei has spoken to Daniel. He knows they’re training him in hand-to-hand. Why? If they have no more energy to fight, why should they bother trying to teach him better? Like they’re trying to prepare him for something.

And then there’s the connection to Heartbreak. If it is Rashad under that mirrored faceplate, under the teeth that smile menacingly, then they’ve got quite a lot of fight left in them, after all. He’s seen the footage from the gala on the night of Heartbreak’s debut. He tore through the Rangers with little trouble. Not that long ago, Wei watched him take on Argent on the Millennial Span Bridge. He approaches fights similarly each time. Always defensive up until a point, then something shifts, and Heartbreak fights with a controlled brutality. It isn’t a combat style that requires little effort.

“I mean it,” Rashad intones before their expression softens. “I know we're usually at odds, but it's been years, and I'm tired."

"Tired." Wei echoes. They’re not wrong. They look dead on their feet most days, this day in particular. Is that really all they are, though? "I wonder if tired is the word you're looking for."

"I wish you wouldn’t be so cryptic,” they sigh.

"Am I?” Again, Wei wonders how they can be missing the obvious so easily. “I think you know what I'm talking about."

"Do we have to keep coming back to bickering?" Rashad asks, almost a little desperate. They sound like they’re fraying at the edges. "I thought we were playing nice."

"So did I," Chen admits, glancing away from Rashad. They were, weren’t they? It was nice while it lasted. Chen offers a wry smile, hoping to salvage the mood. "Maybe neither of us are good at it."

"No, I guess not.” Rashad’s mood darkens a moment, hovering between bitterness and grief.

Wei tries and fails to find anything to say in response. He’s not sure what he can say. It feels, once more, a bit like Rashad is having a conversation with themself rather than with Wei. The silence stretches between them as they both seemingly don’t know where to go from here. Maybe this was a mistake, after all.

"He's a good dog,” Rashad says at last. An apology without apologizing. They don’t meet his eyes, just keep looking out at Spoon.

Chen smiles, glancing at Rashad. "He is.”

The silence falls over them once more, but this time it doesn’t feel so awkward. Just the comfort of not needing to speak. They sit together for a little while longer, watching the dogs. Wei hopes he finds them here again sometime. Despite the struggle for balance, this was nice. He wonders if Rashad feels similarly.

#Cigs writes #Fic: Rashad #Steelstep #fhr fic #Wei Chen #Marshal steel

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rupeenotruby · 4 months ago

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Of Courses I Have Horses -Reflection

Ok this is mostly for me but if you have any feedback for the comic I'll leave my anons on for a few days and you can pop it over there!

Anyways proceed with caution, this'll probably be long. Also I'm probably going to be pretty critical of myself here but please don't worry or feel the need to defend me from myself. I actually love critique and if I really do hate what I've made I won't even be able to look at it.

Stats:

Expected Time: Three Weeks (Don't clown on me I have ambitions)

Actual Time Spent: Ten Weeks

Expected Length: 9 Parts (73 Panels)

Actual Length: 9 Parts (72 Panels + one big panel) and one bonus drawing.

Pros/the good:

FINISHED IT!!!!! :D I did it. I did it. I'm the best you know how it is!!! I've always been scared of bigger projects like these because of how intimidating they can get but I did it! I got to the end! And about 83.56% of the panels had an environmental background (not all unique but hey whaddyagonnado).

People liked it!! (unless everybody is lying to me *-* jk jk too many people for that to be true). Sure you shouldn't measure your success on other's opinions but it is nice to know that I'm not alone in my enjoyment of my work.

Updated it pretty regularly! Good to know if I ever want to make a real webtoon.

Horses Researched ✅ I probably have some blind spots having not actually interacted with horses all that much but eh. It is fanfic in the end.

Cons/the bad:

I don't like posting while writing/drawing. Too much pressure even if the pressure was kinda good to motivate me and it was technically imagined anyways.

Colors are ugly. I'm not sure why I chose that color of sky but hmmm.

Backgrounds are present but uninspired and bland. The colors contribute to this but also the fact that I didn't draw the backgrounds before I drew the people most of the time. I also was just referencing images from botw (if you couldn't guess) and this lead them to be flat and like they were not existing where the characters were existing sometimes.

Too wordy in some places. Despite the fact that I chose to do four panel chunks to practice brevity I ended up being too verbose in some situations. One of these was Legend's episode. I felt like people wouldn't get the joke so I over explained it in the dialogue but even then I still don't think people got it got it. This is usually fine but when you over correct and still end up failing it is bad because you end up failing both ends (so to speak). Also the words were not always that good or polished.

Characters were off model frequently. The horses were the worst part as their head shapes would change frequently. This is most likely a result of my lack of experience drawing horses (why I decided to go with a series where I would have to draw a bunch of horses no one will know).

Characters were also ooc (probably) Wild was a little too happy/silly, Four was a little too irrational, Legend was mean mean instead of more accidently mean, and I think the others were fine. They just didn't really get to showcase their personalities all that much.

Lessons for next time:

MAKE A REF SHEET!!! I had to go back and forth between old pages to get the colors and it was such a hassle. Made me not want to color which is bad because I already don't like coloring all that much.

Crank up the threshold on the bucket tool when coloring. Leads to more being colored in and less white bits to fill in later

Write it all out before!! Especially if short like this. Makes it easier.

Put the words before sketching dummy!!! Saves many headaches.

Speaking of which, maybe set the background to be grey so you get less headaches (maybe, unconfirmed if this was the cause of headaches).

Draw (sketch) the background before drawing the characters.

Add clouds to the sky.

Do wrist exercises! Real ones!

Conclusion:

Good experience all around. Many things learned about myself and my creative process. Still not a horse girl but maybe one day.

Anyways this is probably the last you will see of "Of Courses I Have Horses." On to bigger and brighter things!

#of courses i have horses #personal

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beehive-mind · 13 days ago

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WELCOME TO THE HIVE

Hihi! This is The Beehivemind finally getting around to making a pinned post/directory!

This is the shared blog to a system of 23. Individual blogs will be linked below the break. This is where we throw anything that doesn't fit on our personal blogs, and we don't tag much.

That means a lot of untagged kink. This is your warning.

Things you can expect to find here:

🐝 fauxcest

🐝 niche shitposts

🐝 random wholesomeness

🐝 fauxcest

🐝 Eve thoughts that break containment

🐝 occasional cnc

Please send DMs / asks!

Some of our hobbies:

🐝 Magic the Gathering

🐝 Rhythm Games

🐝 Music/Singing

🐝 Board Games

🐝 Tarot

🐝 Cooking

🐝 Collecting Party Tricks

There's more, but that's all i can think of right now. There's also a ton more we want to get into, but who has the time? Anyway,

Thanks for reading!

Personal Blogs Directory

🐝 @lim-inn-al - Brevity (they/she). Void girly that mainly reblogs liminal artwork.

🐝 @caffeine-drip - Eve (she/her). Clown girl. Spends her free time shitposting.

🐝 @pretty-rox - Roxy (she/her). Girl's girl. Nicer than she seems. Prommy.

🐝 @hollow-url - Hollow (it/she). Nonverbal. Likes to make people smile. Mostly reblogs art.

🐝 @profanealter - Azriel (he/him). Mainly snuff/gore on here.

🐝 @senseless-brambling - Briar (It/Its). Eldritch beast. Its blog is a mixed bag but vaguely horror themed.

🐝 @haunted-mourner - Emily (ai/air). Lolita ghost girly. Lots of Therapyposting.

🐝 @copcararson - Daylily (she/her) Mostly anarchist stuff, but kinda all over the place tbh.

🐝 @stellarjay - Calliope (she/her). Little. Posts almost exclusively about space and animals.

🐝 @saigenotfound - Saige (she/her). Millennial flavored shitposting. Occasional good takes.

🐝 @return-to-green - Permanence (they/them). Android "girl" and anti-industrialist.

🐝 @stabs-you-cutely - Effie (ae/em/eyr). Yandere. Lots of kink here.

🐝 @overhedge-underwater - Rot (nix/nix/nixs). Little. Gremlin. Unsure how to describe this one.

🐝 @softboy-dyke - Ambrose (he/him). The url kinda sums him up. There's not much here. He's still figuring himself out.

🐝 @knot-your-girl - Harley (she/they). Werewolf girl. Reblogs a lot of kink.

🐝 @deadnettie - Dead Nettle (it/its). Little. Very new. Blog might be empty a while as it figures out what it likes.

🐝 @momentous-mori - Elegy (it/he). Doomer snake boy. Unsure if this blog will ever contain anything. Made him one just in case.

🐝 @errant-dreaming - Astria (she/her). Seems like she wants to put her poetry here.

🐝 @cunt-flavored-bubblegum - Riane (she/her). ?????

🐝 @kintsugiandclockwork - Butterscotch (it/its). Timid little doll girl.

🐝 @honey-mountain-dew - Honeydew (she/her). Your local Appalachian mom friend.

🐝 @vintage-whine - April (she/her). Anxious bunny girl with a fondness for old/discarded things.

🐝 @unstable-isobel - Isobel (she/her). Took a nap for a few years. Nerdy and talkative.

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cl0ckworkqueerness · 26 days ago

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I saw your post that said that if you could help a trans boy unlearn what he's learned about how men suck and how trans men aren't discriminated against that it would make you happy.... I don't struggle with that but instead with something that's kind of adjacent in a way? I'm no trans boy, I'm too old for that, but I've only been on testosterone for about a year and been socially transitioned for a couple more before that, and lived in harsh denial for all of my life before that. My problem lies in this feeling that in spite of the fact that living this way makes me happy, I do have this unshakable thought that the transphobes are right about us, about all of us, that we're delusional and mentally ill and that we really are just forcing unwilling participants to play a game of make-believe. I do definitely think that men and women and everyone in between should be allowed to express their gender identity however they want, but if sex and gender are not the same and if what we're looking for is to change our outward gender expression, then why do so many of us feel the need to change our bodies and especially our genetalia? I've seen trans people retort to "you are your born sex and nothing else" with "this isn't about sex it's about gender" and then also lament that they don't have a penis or boobs when they feel they should. I don't want to feel like this. I feel like I'm a woman in a trenchcoat that says "I'M A MAN" when what I want is to just be a man. I was born into the wrong body and I believe that with everything I am but that is what I always will be at this rate, and I hate that. I do wish I could change my sex. I know what I am on the inside will never match what I have on the outside, and it makes me feel like I could never be a real man. Just a trans man. An impostor at best and a psychotic at worst. Is there even a way to help someone like me that isn't just going to therapy?

i've been reading this ask over and over in attempts to solidify my many thoughts about this topic. because i do have many thoughts, because this is something i myself struggled with for a very, very long time. and don't worry, i believe telling you simply to "just go to therapy" is dismissive and doesn't address the main point that this and so many other problems stem from.

allow me to propose this thesis: there is no one way to be human. thus, there is no one way to be trans.

i have heard people say "well, saying XYZ about trans people is actually a misconception! in REALITY, trans people feel like ABC!" about plenty of things that resonate with me: one thing in particular being the notion you mentioned of "being born in the wrong body". i understand the sentiment people have when they say things like this, but the truth of the matter is all different people feel all different ways about their gender and their body. this is simply because we are all different, and no one person's experiences exactly mirror another's. there are some trans people who may truly feel XYZ, even if they are a minority, and dismissing them as nonexistent or even exceptions is wrong and overgeneralizing.

this is the basis of my personal theory of gender, by the way. i won't go too in-depth into it here for the sake of brevity, but basically it's "there is no one way to define gender because everyone's gender is just as unique as they are".

it may not help you to hear me say something well-meaning and factual but ultimately dismissive like "well, you ARE a real man, simply by virtue of saying you are". instead, i will tell you that manhood, womanhood, and any other gendered category you can think of are far more fuzzy than you may expect, even when you don't take into account trans people: there is no one way to be a cis man, no one way to look like a cis man, no one way to act like a cis man. by that logic, there is no one way to be a man in general. the benefits, pitfalls, comforts, and discomforts of manhood are only to be defined by the individual, not by some Big Lord Man Council who reviews applications of manhood from every aspiring man. this view of the world-- that there is something inherent about any gender that makes them what gender they are-- falls apart at the slightest prodding. thus, i do not abide by it, and i think it would help you a lot to learn and understand just what makes a man, a man (and by that virtue, what DOESN'T necessarily make a man, a man).

but i must mention something: you can change your sex. the very act of taking HRT, having sex change operations, etc do change your sex because they change your physical bodily characteristics associated with sexual development. to claim that my sex is unambiguously female would simply be a lie, even if i were completely perisex and had gone through a typical female puberty. sure, i am not and will never be the same as a cisgender perisex man, but one day, i will be closer to that than i will be to a cisgender perisex woman.

your desire to have been born a cis male, though, is not only understandable but resonating. and while it's true you cannot transition yourself into becoming a cis man, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be unhappy with your body forever, even after any medical procedure(s) you want or need in the future.

transphobes will never be "right" about trans people, though. their perspectives on sex and gender drastically oversimplify the human experience, and they simply wish to push everyone into little boxes that not even cis people can fit comfortably into 100% of the time. if we were all truly just forcing everyone to play in our little pretend game, then there would be no reason for us all to feel so strongly about ourselves, dysphoric or not. even those of us who are uncertain about our gender feel very real feelings. after all, the human mind is best at knowing itself. instead, they want to pretend as though humans are simple and easy to understand, that gender is entirely deterministic based on sex, that sex is entirely binary, and that anyone who doesn't fall neatly into this simple world of 1s and 0s is just an outlier, someone who's sick, either in the head or in their body.

sex and gender are not the same, that much is certain. however, for some, certain sex characteristics play a HUGE role in their gender and how they wish to present/appear/feel (for example, a trans woman might desperately need to be on estrogen to alleviate her dysphoria, but may not feel especially strongly about having a penis). to say that the way someone's body exhibits certain sexual traits has NO impact on their gender is absolutely ridiculous. after all, if humans are so deep and complex, surely gender dysphoria can play a part in that complexity.

trans people are a hugely varied group of individuals, and each person will be different from every other, whether in subtle or greatly impactful ways. hell, i'm sure there are many ways in which even you and i differ despite how similar your story is to my own feelings. everyone's thoughts, feelings, and stories have no bearing on anyone except themselves. to me, that is the beauty of gender as a social construction: it can be anything. it can be messy, it can be complicated, it can be very simple, it can be agonizing, but above all, it will always be you. all of that applies to every single trans person, regardless of their body, their gender, their life.

as for what i can tell you in terms of advice, don't listen to what transphobes tell you, no matter what kind of pretty or nasty language they decorate their thoughts with. their words are infantilizing at best and downright violent at worst. they don't take us seriously not because they don't want to, but because they don't feel like they need to. to them, "feelings" are some frivolous whimsical thing that only childish people take seriously, and thus deserves no respect whatsoever.

me, personally, i've taken a liking to the term "transsexual" for myself, seeing as it seems to encapsulate my feelings and my relationship with my body quite nicely. it may not suit you, but in that case, you might find more happiness in some other word, or with no words at all, simply "I am a man who was born in the wrong body". there's nothing wrong with labeling yourself that way (so long as you don't apply it to anyone else, of course).

thank you for baring your heart. i appreciate your ask a lot, and i'm sure someone else silently going through a similar journey will as well.

#trans #transgender #dysphoria #gender dysphoria

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