#if you don't want to write anymore that's okay but don't be discouraged my friend!!!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
but not kiss
Pairings: Nam-gyu x fem!reader Summary: You and Nam-gyu fight. You leave. You regret it. Or; a very short drabble about your relationship with Nam-gyu leading up to the games. Warning: toxic relationship, drug use, language and like one suggestive moment, Nam-gyu is an asshole, this is mostly plotless, I honestly just wanted to write about a little piece of my headcanon of pre-game Nam-gyu's life :3 Word count: 3.3k A/N: not proof-read, i just wanted to write bruh
I hope you're okay, but I won't ask.
The bed was warm. Warmer than you were used to in the cold, dingy apartment you used to call home. The home you shared with him.
Heat clung to your clothes and shut you in at all sides, the soft blanket on top of you enclosing you in the pocket of comfort. Despite this, a shiver rippled through your body. You pulled the blanket up to your face and breathed it in. It smelled of fresh detergent. Flowery. Sweet. Foreign. You shoved it to the side and sat up, heart thrumming steadily beneath your ribs in a way that was uncharacteristic for the environment.
The room around you was cute, clean, and unassuming. Safety in the form of pale pink walls. Still, you couldn't shake the anxiety buzzing and zipping through you like a current. He was out of sight but nowhere near out of your mind. You hugged yourself, feeling the warmth of your fingertips through the thin cotton pajamas ghosted over your frame.
It had been a week since you fought with Nam-gyu. A week since you stormed out, your eyes bone-dry and a lump in your throat. A week since your friend yanked you into the safety or her little black car and sped away from your apartment. She'd been your knight in shining armor saving you from the dragon's maw of your now-ex-boyfriend.
Your phone buzzed on the nightstand next to you, fanning the dull ache that had drilled its way into your chest. One whole week. The drill dug deeper.
At first, Nam-gyu hid himself behind a wall of pride, the very behavior that often fanned the dysfunction between you. You remembered the weight of his stare as he watched you get smaller and smaller in the passenger-seat of your friend's car. He'd walked back inside with an eerie calm, shutting the door quietly as if you two hadn't nearly ripped each others head off. An aloofness that said 'I'll wait.' He somehow managed to stretch the facade for a whopping three hours. You knew him, and it was a fact that he was nothing short of dependent.
Once the realization dawned on him that you were actually serious this time, the proverbial flood gates opened. Soon, your phone had become a dumping grounds for his many pleas and curses and nonsensical garbage. Voicemail after voicemail. Text after text. Still, you just couldn't bring yourself to block him. You couldn't.
You sucked in a breath between clenched teeth, unlocking the phone quickly before you could change your mind.
'going to work. gonna try a bunch of new shit tonight since u don't give a fuck about me anymore lol'
You stared at the screen, letting it grow dim as you let out a long, drawn-out exhale. You sat in silence, trying to will away the pit that grew deeper in your stomach. Without you around to monitor him, force him to eat and take care of himself, and most importantly, discourage his excessive drug usage, who knew what kind of bullshit he was putting into his body. The image of Nam-gyu passed out on the floor surrounded by his 'friends' without you there to drag him home burned itself into your mind. You dragged a hand down your face. It wasn't your responsibility anymore. You had to let him go.
You bit the inside of your cheek and tried to mentally swat away all the scenarios flashing through your head, all of which ended with Nam-gyu passed out in a strange, dark place with a needle in his arm and pills spilling from his throat. Something hot was pushing behind your eyes. You almost felt like calling him, but you didn't.
It had barely even been a minute before another message lit the screen up again.
'fucking stuck up bitch'
After surviving a relationship with someone like Nam-gyu, the words 'bitch' and 'cunt' barely affected you anymore. You'd heard them so much, they'd practically lost all meaning.
You scrolled up to all the other new messages he'd sent since last night. While you were sleeping, he'd sent you a wall of text, each one stumbling over the other and settling in a puddle of word vomit at your feet. Wherever he was when he wrote them, it was nowhere near a state of sobriety.
You held your breath as your eyes flitted over each one.
'don't do this to me'
'selfish whore'
'who the hell are u with'
'my baby m yprincess mysweet girl'
'you fucking abandoned me'
'no one is going to fuck you like i do so just stop being a dumb bitch and come home. i forgive you'
'iloveyouviloveyouiloveyou imso sorry i love you i loveyou'
'dumb stupid cunt i never needed u anwyays. u seriously think ur better than me???? i don't give a fuck'
'bed's so cold without u'
His emotions were all over the place, bouncing back and forth with each new text. It was so, so pathetic. Your mind was foggy, chest aching as your thumbs hovered unsteadily over the keyboard. If you didn't distract yourself right now, you were sure you'd say something stupid.
"I--" You deflated, voice cracking pathetically, as if you weren't about to cry over the most pathetic bum ass of a man alive. You swallowed thickly, stifling a sob as you choked on your words, "God. I miss him."
Two knocks on the door saved you from the impending breakdown. You straightened, quickly hopping to your feet and letting the phone drop to the bed. You swiped at your eyes, hoping you didn't look like as much of a loser as you felt. Slowly, the door opened, and your friend's head poked through the crack. She smiled at you, one hand on the door knob, another on a plate of food. She slipped in slowly, carefully, as if entering an enclosure with a wild animal.
"Heyyy," she said, awkwardly. You wondered if she'd heard you just moments before. "I heard you wake up! Figured you could use some food." Ah. She most definitely had. She smiled softly, holding out the plate to you. "I made you some breakfast earlier. I heated it up just now for you."
You took it gratefully. "Thank you," you sighed. Where would you be right now if it weren't for her? "I appreciate it, really. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a burden. I would've woken up earlier, but. Ugh. I just feel like shit."
She shushed you and took a seat next to you. "It's fine. I get it. I'm glad you're here with me instead of with that asshole." She rubbed a warm hand on your back reassuringly but didn't say anything more.
Music pounded in Nam-gyu's ears and in his chest as he leaned over his phone, elbows pressed into his thighs and knuckles going white around his phone as the bass reverberated through his bones and reached into the deepest pits of his body. The sensation and noise did nothing to distract from the anger slowly snaking through him and gripping him like a vice.
Nothing. You'd said nothing to him in a week now. It was like you didn't even care. He bounced his leg frantically, mind racing at a million miles a minute. So you didn't care? He didn't either.
He didn't.
The air around him hung thick with the scent of alcohol, smoke, bodies, bodies, and more bodies. He clenched his teeth behind his lips, eyes boring into the screen with an intensity that you would've returned, had you been there with him. He bit at his lower lip, chewing on it anxiously as he continued to scan every pixel like it would reveal something if he stared long enough.
All he got was the last text he sent to you staring right back up at him.
'fucking stuck up bitch'
His fingers hovered over the screen, twitching with the effort of not sending you another message. Or two. Or ten.
So you weren't even gonna deny it?
Weren't gonna say that you wanted him to put down the drugs because you 'cared for his health'?
That you were sorry? That you were a fucking idiot for walking away from the two of you and that you were driving home right now waiting to greet him with a kiss and a hug and an apology for even fathoming the possibility of leaving him when you knew he just needed some time and support and some fucking understanding to get the money back?
A mental image of MG Coin's face drifted to the forefront of his mind. Nam-gyu's jaw tightened. If the universe gave him the opportunity to, he swore to beat the living shit out of him for ruining his life.
He peeled off his phone case suddenly, pulling out the card he'd been given the other day. A man in a suit had found him slumped pathetically against a wall, high as a kite and stumbling around like a toddler. Nam-gyu had gotten lost on the (very, very short) way to his car after work.
Without you there, there was no one to yell at him for trying to drive high. No one checking his location and peeking over his shoulder to make sure he was safe. No one waiting after his shift to buckle him into the passenger seat before driving him quietly home. No calls. No texts. No love. No life.
He ran a finger over the smooth paper, turning it over in his shaky hands. He didn't even get to tell you about this. He's sure you would've told him not to go, that it was a scam. But maybe he would've been able to convince you to come with him after he showed you the money he'd won from ddakji. He wouldn't have told you about the slapping, though, or how quickly any fragment of shame or pride evaporated from his mind the second he was presented with the chance of winning any amount of cash.
Maybe he would've even been able to convince you to stay. To wait for him. To give him a chance to fix things.
He scoffed at the thought, but it came out sounding more like a sob. His tongue felt thick in his mouth as he swallowed around it, his head spinning with emotions that he didn't want to acknowledge or admit to himself. So sad. So desperate. So pathetic.
He envisioned you on the other side of the screen, hands hovering over the keys with something similar swirling in your heart. Any minute now. You'd drop the act. You would, because he knew you, and you loved him. You wouldn't do this to him.
Exhale. Inhale. Clench. Unclench.
He held his breath, hands shaking as the phone screen dimmed.
Nothing. He was alone.
He shoved the card back into his case before popping it back on his phone, his lower lip aching as he bit into it.
To his left, a coworker stumbled over to him. He leaned down, slinging an arm lazily over Nam-gyu's shoulder.
"Man, what are you doing over here, sitting all alone in this dark corner? The guys have been looking for you all night!" he said, a smile in his eyes and the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath. He rubbed Nam-gyu's shoulder playfully and pushed closer into his personal space, loopy and uncoordinated as the music thumped around them. "Hey, you brought the drugs right?"
Nam-gyu grunted but didn't look up, barely even registering the man badgering him.
He stilled for a moment at the dismissal. It was out of character for Nam-gyu, known by his coworkers for his intense enthusiasm over any chance to do drugs and suck up to celebrities that visited their club. He grew impatient, tightening the grip on his shoulder and shaking him back and forth, as if to knock him out of a trance. "Hey. Nam-gyu. If you're gonna bum around on your phone on the clock, the least you could do is just give us the fucking drugs. We have guests to entertain, remember?" He cocked his head towards the side room he'd stumbled out of.
Nam-gyu moved his head to look up at him slowly, eyes not leaving his phone screen until the last second. A pause. He gave the man a strained smile. "Yes. You're right." His lips were tight as he spoke, his hands practically shaking with the effort of not shattering his phone on the ground in front of him.
When he still didn't move from his seat, the man raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to speak again, annoyance written clearly across his face at his timid demeanor. Suddenly, Nam-gyu shot up, phone still held tightly in his hand as he shrugged the guy's hand off his shoulder, now in a rush as he pushed past him.
"C'mon, hurry up! I got some new shit this time, and I'm gonna try all of it," he yelled over his shoulder, a smile in his voice despite the sickening feeling building inside him higher and higher with every passing second. He wanted to break something.
The guy caught up with him quickly, slinging a shoulder around him once again, loose and loopy and cheerful once again with a wide grin on his face now that he was finally going to get some drugs in his system.
"Ayyy, there's our Nam-gyu!" He rubbed at his shoulders roughly, practically shoving him into the side room with all of the guests. "I like you a lot more when you're like this."
Nam-gyu smiled, a lighthearted laugh ripping its way out of him, mirthless and filled with a desperation that only you could fill.
However, you weren't here, so instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled paper bag filled with a variety of substances to poison his body with. It hit the table in front of all the club's VIP guests for the night with a thump.
The scene that followed was akin to dropping a piece of meat into a pirannha tank.
Nam-gyu grinned despite the way his heart hammered and hammered beneath his ribs. He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from shaking as he politely waited for his turn with the bag. In a few minutes, the thoughts in his head would calm, and he'd be back on top of things.
There was nothing to worry about. After all, he was going to win enough money to pay off his debt and win you back in one fell swoop.
The card burned a hole in his pocket. Just one more high, one more night of fun, and he would call the number on the back. He was going to fix everything.
Once everyone had ravaged through the bag, Nam-gyu reached forward, wasting no time in filling his hand with a few multicolored pills.
You weren't here to help him right now, but the drugs definitely were.
It was just gonna have to be enough for now.
That night, you dreamed of Nam-gyu in spite of yourself.
It was foggy and blurred. A dream mixed with scattered bits and pieces of the memories the two of you shared in the time you'd been together.
You laid in bed with his arms wrapped around you tightly, holding you as if he was afraid you'd slip away. His chest was warm against your back, each rise and fall filling you with a sense of comfort. The calm, steady movement reminded you with every gentle breath that he was alive, safe, and within your reach. The bed was just barely big enough for the two of you. The curtains old. The walls yellowed. And yet, you couldn't think of any other place you'd rather be.
He whispered something sweet into your hair, his voice quiet and low, soft in a way that he'd only reveal when you two were alone. It was the same tone he'd take on shortly after choking out another shitty apology following one of your many heated arguments together. It was cute. You wished he'd use it more.
You mumbled something back to him, pushing yourself closer to his body heat. You turned slightly to bury your face in the fabric of his sleeve. He smelled of cheap cologne, soap, and most comfortingly: home. A warmth bloomed in your chest.
A few beats of silence passed with the two of you lying there peacefully before his hand drifted slowly to your chest. You exhaled sharply through your nose, feigning annoyance despite the way your lips twitched into a smirk in the dim light. You placed a sleepy hand over his, caressing his skin as he lazily cupped you through your shirt. You traced over his veins and the cool metal of his ring. He mumbled something unintelligible as sleep creeped in on him. You turned your head to look up at him, your eyes locking with a warm familiarity.
It was nice when it was like this. No arguments. No struggles. Just the two of you slotted together in comfortable silence. For a moment in time, the whole world shrunk down in size. It was just you, Nam-gyu, and the four dingy walls of the shared apartment you called home.
You breathed three words into the stillness. He paused, taking a moment to process it before he was pulling you closer. He pushed his face into the back of your neck and muttered the words back to you, his voice gentle and soft and devoid of any hard edges. It was quiet, barely above a whisper and muffled by your hair, but you knew what he said, and that was enough.
You let the dream pull itself over you like a warm blanket, the two of you drifting lazily through time.
The next morning, you woke up early, slinking out of your friend's apartment with a rushed apology that you typed with shaky thumbs. You were already stumbling out of your cab and onto the street of your apartment complex when you sent it. You practically flew up the stairs, your feet barely touching the ground as you hastily shoved your phone into your back pocket.
Your friend would definitely hate you for this later, but that was the last thing on your mind right now.
You fumbled for your keys, finally pushing through the door after what seemed like an eternity. Passing over the threshold felt so good. You could finally breathe again.
"Nam-gyu?" you said. There was no hesitation in your voice. You wanted to see him. Needed to see him.
He was probably still sleeping. You shrugged the small bag containing the few clothes and belongings you'd brought to your friend's house off of your shoulder. It fell to the floor in a gentle heap as you shut the door quietly behind you.
"Nam-gyu?" you said again. You panicked a little, hoping he had gotten home from work okay last night.
Lucky for you, there wasn't much room to search. You pushed into the bedroom, anxiety soaring at its emptiness.
"Nam-gyu!" you were yelling now, as if there was still any chance that he was here somehow. You cursed under your breath, fumbling for the phone in your back pocket.
You guiltily ignored the angry, concerned texts pouring in from your friend and clicked into you and Nam-gyu's text conversation. You sent him a text, and after receiving no reply, quickly punched in Club Pentagon's phone number and let it ring.
Your eyes searched the room frantically for any sign of where he'd gone, your gaze instantly zeroing in on the small card placed perfectly in the center of your night stand. On it was a message in handwriting that you could immediately recognize as Nam-gyu's (specifically when he was high).
You picked it up and cursed under your breath as you turned it over in your hands, inspecting the mysterious number written on the back. Then, as if to punctuate the panic gradually building beneath your skin, the phone call went to voice mail.
'Fixing things. Wait for me <3'
---
namgyunation @ tumblr; pls don't repost! ao3 link (the most updated version will be on here once i get to fixing typos)
more a/n: i have sooo many thoughts about how i hc pre-game nam-gyu's life to be like. prob gonna write more to fill out the little nam-gyu-verse in my head <3 also depending on how nam-gyu fares in s3, i'll write a fic where the reader has a tearful reunion with him OR she ends up waiting for him forever and everrrrrr ^_^ also nobody gaf, but the beginning of this tiktok is what i was thinking when i was describing nam-gyu's 'soft' tone when reader was dreaming
i really love it when nam-gyu is written as the pathetic, clingy loser that he is <3 i hope someone out there enjoys it too
#nam-gyu x reader#nam gyu x reader#player 124 x reader#squid game#nam-gyu#player 124#my fic#lilyposting
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
Small announcement
Okay, I have to be honest, posting my art here isn't as exciting as it used to be.
I don't plan on leaving this platform, because I really like it here, it's just that everything that's been happening with my friends, some problems that I've been seeing here have really discouraged me a lot.
One thing I'm really thinking about doing is leaving the KNY fandom (I can still continue making some drawings of it and interacting with it, but it won't be my focus anymore. Well, it won't change much because my drawings are already more focused on my original story)
What I'm also thinking about is focusing completely on my project, I want to write a full comic and work on animations for YouTube :D
I'll keep posting here, but the frequency of posts will certainly be a little slower.
I've been trying to post like I used to, but now my drawings with my OCs are almost not as relevant, and that's been making me sad :(
But anyway, I won't give up ( • ̀ω•́ )✨️✨️
Thank you so much for reading and thank you so much for all your support!! I really hope this is just a difficult time that will pass soon❤️
66 notes
·
View notes
Note
please please please write something about big, muscly, manly Patrick Zweig being deathly afraid of spiders
Little friend: Patrick Zweig x fem!reader
Blurb. I had 5 years by Bo Burnham playing on my mind while writing this and idk what that says about me 😅 Btw I have realized that I have a thing for big men who would seem strong and actually are losers. Enjoy your treat 🫶🏼
Masterlist Characters I write for
Getting your boyfriend to stop by for a visit on campus when he was in the middle of tournament season resembled too much to mission impossible. Art, the person who knew him best from his childhood, would say it would be almost a miracle. But it is well known that only two supplies were needed to make a prodigy. A bit of charm and a saint, luckily you had both.
So there you were sitting on the bed in your bedroom, a romantic movie on the laptop in the background and some takeaway food that Patrick wasn't planning to pay much attention to. He had never been too discreet in his intentions, and now with the sweet kisses and the occasional nibbles on your neck what he longed for was clearer than ever. When you had decided to stop teasing him and finally give him the attention he wanted, a little friend decided to join the party without invitation.
“Look at that!” You chuckled gazing at the bug which was now resting on the corner of the screen “What are you doing here little one?” You whispered to the spider.
Before you knew he was standing in the middle of the bed. Face white as talc, even though he tried his best to hide it.
"Baby, are you okay?"
"Yeah, sure" A nervous laugh was all that he managed to say "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Please, don't tell me you are scared of this little one?" You couldn’t help laughing a bit although you did’t want him to feel embarrassed for his phobia.
"Little one??? How could you consider that thing little???” There was no denying it anymore, his cool facade had completely fallen down.
There was no way to be calm when a gigantic (or so he thought) fluffy and nauseous eight eyed monster was ruing your date night. How could you not understand it?
“Come on Pat! It’s just a bug”
“Just a bug? Just a bug, y/n?” He tried to move the laptop away with his feet but that only made the spider fall into the bed. The state of panic he suffered went from bad to worse.
“Fine, would you feel better if I let you kill it?” You resolved, downplaying the issue.
“You can’t be serious! That thing could bite, sting or God knows what else!"
"Pat, grow a pair”
"Oh we are going for that kind of discouraging phrases now? I thought better of you, princess" A mock offense in his face "Girls are always against the patriarchy until insects arrive. If you realized how much of…”
You didn’t want to listen to the rest of his ramble and with the help of an old magazine you caught the small spider in your hand and helped her out of the window.
"Happy now?”
"Very much so” He conceded “But I won’t be touching those hands full of... Wait, do they transmit any germs?”
He was even easier to handle than a spider, a couple of kisses would make the deal to stop him from thinking about the whole issue. After all you were much more an interesting specimen to focus than a bug.
Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
I remember when I was first watching season 5 of My Hero Academia and I remember watching the episodes where they showed atleast pieces of the backstory (if not the full backstory), and all of the backstories I've watched intrigued me. However, in all honesty, Tomura Shigaraki's backstory hits different and has made me realize some similarities between Shigaraki and I, such as itching when stressed. I also have been recently thinking about writing about him recently, as well. I actually never thought I was gonna write a fanfic about him, which I'm not sure why, however I'm definitely looking forward to writing about him right now🧤👁️ So, I hope you enjoy this fanfic with Shigaraki my Tumblr Peeps😁👍
🧤I Just Want The Pain To Go Away👁️ ((Adult) Tomura Shigaraki (aka, Tenko Shimura) x Any Gender Reader)
Genres: Dark Angst (Warning⚠️: Contains Really Dark Parts Of This Fic, Language, Depending on The Reader's Imagination, Murder, Violence, and Blood (and possibly gore)
Your mom was there for you when you needed her, she means well, and she's your friend, however there's the issue, if not some issues. She controlled you on atleast, a couple of your past relationships to the point where two broke up with you, while one of them, you got frightened to the point where you broke up with someone due to fear of abandonment and your mother didn't help, except to only control your decisions and put tons of fears and doubts in your head where you became discouraged from being I relationships period. You vowed to yourself that you will never confide in your mom anymore just to keep her happy, you felt.
However, it all changed one day. You we're all alone in the park sitting all by yourself on a bench when a man with hair colors either greyish blue or white hair (which you were so skittish you couldn't tell the exact hair color), who also looked like he had very chapped skin, including his face, was approaching you, as you're trembling in fear. He was introducing himself as he said, "Hello, it's okay. Don't be scared. I want to be your friend. My name is Tenko Shimura, but call me Tomura Shigaraki, please", then as he held his hand to you as he continued, "Now what's your name, my angel in disguise?". You then felt safe for the first time in a long time due to his presence as you said, "Hi. My name is (Any Gender Reader Name), Mr. Shigaraki sir...". Then you explained about you past relationships and other stuff.
When Shigaraki heard what you said he did got a little angry, however he did apologized for his anger, then he explained, "It just it makes me angry that parents do this to their own children like that! Relationship or not! You don't need to worry, (Any Gender Reader Name), my angel in disguise. I have no intentions on hurting you. I truly feel that your mom is manipulating you, even if she is trying to protect you. If anyone does hurt you, especially your mom, I will decay them to dust. I truly promise, I will makesure no one hurts you again and if they hurt you, I will make damn sure it will be the last time they do! In first sight, I want to take care of you.". You then feel a sense of security with someone for the first time ever, aside from your mom. You then began to realize that Shigaraki is right about your mom. This became a start of a beautiful friendship between you and Shigaraki.
Shigaraki and you did alot together. You're the only person who's not part of the League of Villains that he truly cares about and you basically felt the same way, in a very long time. You're like a precious diamond to him, and as time went by, he became very precious to you as well. While he's the first one to ever treat you like a human being, you treated him like a human being, as well. You started to feel right about being close to him and you even asked him to date you. Ofcourse he told you, yes. You're pretty much the only one he loves in first sight, to be fair.
You never told your mom about Shigaraki, because you knew your mom will smuther you to no end and will want your relationship to be her way only, to the point where your relationship with Shigaraki would be broken up and done for (and it exactly seems like it's exactly how your mom wanted all of your relationships turn out to be, which is the worst part). So, when you do go hangout with and see him, to even get out of your own home, you basically feel like you had to lie to her saying things, such as, "I'm going to the zoo.", "Oh. I'm going for a walk in the woods.", I'm going to go swimming in the river", etc... And when you don't go anywheres, you wait for you mom to leave home and makesure your aware that she will be gone for a few hours before you do invite Shigaraki over to your place. No matter what he has to do, he is always happy to see you, plus he understands how you feel about your mom perfectly well and he hasn't even met her yet.
Shigaraki, even loves you, so much, he even made you some homemade romantic cards for you. You also loved him, so much, you appreciated the cards he got for him, and you always have a special spot where you hide the romantic cards he made for you. Everything he did for you, everytime he got to see you, everytime you got to see him, you name it. All of the memories with him made you feel alive and special and he feels the same way about his memories with you.
On how he learned to use a cellphone, you definitely taught him how to use a cellphone, obviously. You taught him everything you know and all because of you, he has also learned patience with using a cellphone and how to use it. Just, as much as you appreciate everything he does for you, he appreciates everything you do for him, as well.
One night after you got home from one of you date days with Shigaraki, you went to your room to look for all of the homemade romantic cards he made for you, so you can still feel like home, since anything pertaining him or made by him keeps you calm, happy, and sane. When you go look in your special spot, you noticed and became shocked that all of the homemade romantic cards he made for you are not in there. Then you heard an angry voice shouted , "Is there something you're looking for?!", then when you turn yourself around, it was your mom who said this as she was entering your room homemade the remaining homemade romantic card and the most special homade romantic card.
With an angry and smug look on your mom's face, she then stated, "I knew you have been lying to me all along and I warned you that, if I find out you're dating and/or seeing someone behind my back and/or you date someone I approve of, there's going to be hell to pay, young lady!". You started to tremble in fear, however you shouted at your mom saying,"Mom! I'm over twenty one years of age! Stop smuthering me!". Your mom then rolled her eyes then replied, "I don't care about if you're an adult now or not, (Any Gender Reader Name)! You're my child and you're born as, (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as) and you're my child!".
You got upset as you said, "That shouldn't matter. You can't run my life forever, just because I'm your (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as)! Just stop it, please!". You mom then got more angry as she yelled, "Oh, yes, I can, young lady, because this is my fucken, house, and your my fucken, "I don't fucken care how you feel, unless it's something I want to fucken, hear!". You're feeling very stressed and afraid right now, as you knew you had to something, however you're unsure what decision to make yet.
Your mom then took a pillow from the living as she said, "And if you don't do exactly as i fucken tell you and also break up with this man you're with, then I will have to physically smuther you!". Then as you're cellphone rang, your mom grabbed your cellphone knowing it was Shigaraki trying to call you, then she smashed into pieces! You started sobbing as your mom went, now where were we, young lady?!"
Now it's up to the reader to read an ending based on their decision...
👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️
Run into the kitchen (Ending A)
Or
Hide in your room & lock the door (Ending B)
🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤
Ending A...
You then, decided to run in the kitchen, as you're hoping to escape. Unfortunately your mom managed to catch up to you, hitting your head with the living room pillow, so hard you landed on top of a countertop where the silverware is. You mom then said, "You're the one who wanted it this way! If you're gonna refuse to break up with this guy, whoever he is, and stop seeing him, like I told you to! So, you're paying for it now! After I finish smuthering some sense into you, I will use you as bait, then kill whoever he is next!".
Your mother then ran over to the countertop where you landed, the proceeded to use the pillow, to start smuthering you. As she was smuthering you to no end, you could hardly breathe and you knew you had to do something, before she makes you pass out, if not completely kill you. You then grabbed a piece of silverware, you weren't sure what silverware you grabbed at the time, then you hit your mom with it to get her to stop smuthering you, then after she stopped doing so, you noticed she was holding the shoulder you cut her with, then you noticed you were holding the knife.
You knew you were grabbing something. It's just you were shocked it was the knife. Your mom then sobbed as she pleaded, "Please! Don't kill me, (Any Gender Reader Name)! I promise I won't do anything like that again! I only wanted to protect you! Please, let me live?!". You knew she wanted to protect you and you felt sad to make her plead like she did.
You then got thinking deep down, that you don't believe that your mom "won't do anything like that again", because of her anger towards you, everything she said, how she said her words, everything.... You just want all the pain to go away. You knew you had to kill her.
As you're planning to stab your mom, your mom then realizes what your planning, then she continued pleading "What are you doing? Don't you dare! Please?! I'm begging you! Don't do it! Don't you believe me, (Any Gender Reader)?! Nnnooo, nnoo, no, no, no!". You ignored your mom's pleading, as proceed to stab her non-stop. No matter how much your mom pleaded, it didn't change anything that happened before her pleads. You just wanted all your stress to go away, as all you could think of is killing your mom is the only way, all of your stress and misery will end.
You then proceeded to stab your mom, ignoring every plead, every cry, every scream, and anything else that comes out of you, as you continued to stab her, until you know for sure your mom doesn't make any movement, nor sound, nor a pulse beat, nor her heart would beat anymore. All you could think of was your stress. Once your mom was completely killed, you stress was gone and the stabbing stopped, as well.
"I'm sorry, mom. It had to be done. I had to kill you. I'm sure, if I would have letted you live, you would have kept making my life a living hell. I'm tired of living in fear, especially living in fear of every little thing you could do to run my life to hell, especially if I was to die while you're alive. It needed to be done.", you explained. Then you heard a door open. You held the knife, as you're worried someone was coming in to either get revenge on you, or turn you in for jail time, because you killed your mom.
Then you heard a voice say, "It's okay, my angel in disguise. It's only me. Now I see why you haven't answered my call nor called me back.", as it turned out to be non other than, Tomura Shigaraki. He then glanced at your mom, who you killed. He then said, "There's something I need to say about what you did to your mother.". All you could do was stare, at that point. "You see, (Any Gender Reader).", He started to explain, then he continued, "I'm.... Proud... Of... You...", as he started having his evil smile on his face. You felt even more relieved when he told you that.
Shigaraki then carried you away from where you were living in. He knew you felt safer living with him and the other members of the League of Villains, the you would with the mom you killed. And the best part is, you felt you belong with the League of Villains and they treated you very well.
Go to the cursive, "The End"...
👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️
Ending B...
As your mom agrilly went after you with the living room pillow, you ran into your room. By the time your mom got to the room, you slammed the door, then quickly locked the door. You're trying to find a way to escape the house, however the more your mom shouted, screamed, and pounding at the door, the harder it was for you to think properly on how to escape. As your mom's pounding on the door, shouts, and screams escalated, you began to shake more and more, including in your hands (especially, in your fingers).
The more you shake, the closer you are to sobbing. You're so frighted of your mom that escaping was all you could think of. Then you heard the someone breaking in the window. You backed away from the window, because you're afraid there was someone who is in it with your mom to stop you from escaping. Then after the window was busted where someone could get into your room, you then noticed a familiar face.
"I knew something was wrong, when you weren't answering my call!", a familiar voice said, as it turned out to be, non other than Tomura Shigaraki. Pounding on the door, screaming, and shouting, escalated as she yelled loudly, "I better not be fucken, hearing the fucken, window breaking! And I better not been hearing another vioce! I will kill the both of you when I get in the room, because this is my fucken house!". Then you ended up shaking as you started sobbing, next you went to Shigaraki to hug him.
Shigaraki then proceeded to hug you back, then pet you as he was comforting you, then he whispered to you, "It's okay, my angel in disguise. It will be all over soon. Unlock, then the door, because your mother needs to learn manners and to learn what happens if she messes with me. Enough as it is she messed with you and it pisses me off. Let her in.". You did what he requested you to do, then she stormed into the room. "Thank you for letting me in! I just wished, you fucken let me in sooner! After all, it's my fucken house!"
Shigaraki then politely told your mom, "Well, I requested her nicely to unlock, then open the door for you, because I would like to meet you (Any Gender Reader Name)'s mother," as he was trying to be nice to your mom, while holding out his hand out to shake your hand. You mom then said on a rude tone, "Well, I don't want to meet you! No one is good enough to date my daughter and I mean no one! So can take your hand shake and shove it, because this is my fucken, house! (Any Gender Reader Name) is my fucken, (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as), child! I will fucken, run (his/her/their), as I fucken see fit! So I don't give a flying, fuck about how ((s)he/they) feel, unless it's something I want to fucken hear!", the she slapped him right in the face. The only thing that slap did to Shigaraki, was piss him right off.
Tomura Shigaraki, then took both of his gloves off, as he said, "How dare you slap me! I tried being nice and polite to you and this is what you do?! Slap me in the face?! And you dare talk about your own daughter like that?! Shame on you?!". "I can fucken, do whatever I fucken, want, because this is my fucken house and this is my fucken child!!!". Frequent cursing like that and the whole "This is my fucken" sayings, including the "This is my fucken, house" sayings are making things worse and pisses him off even more, so he had enough, of your mom already.
Shigaraki, then went to use his decay on your mom, as he put one of his hands on her. Then as the decaying process on your mom escalates gradually, he said, "It's nice to want to protect your child and all, however just because ((s)he/they) is your doesn't mean you own (him/her/them). I don't mean, (Any Gender Reader Name) is suppose to do everything ((s)he/they), however you're not your child's dictator with (his/her/their) whole life! And after I tried to be nice to you, you slapped me in the face! This is what you get for messing with the both of us! Not just me! Not just, (Any Gender Reader Name)! Both of Us! And I'm just the wrong guy for you to mess with! You should have been nicer about things, instead.". Your mom then knew she was gonna die, as the decaying kept escalating gradually. She eventually was decayed to dust.
"I'm sorry, you had to see me decay your Mom like that, my angel in disguise. I'm worried she's dragging you to hell, the way she has been doing so. I had to do so, to ensure I keep my promise that if anyone does hurt you, I will decay them to dust and to makesure no one hurts you again and if they were to do so, I will make damn sure it will be the last time they do, and that includes your mother. And her slapping me in that face as she got rude with me, after I was trying to be polite, then keeps using her sayings on top of that, has pissed me right off, even worse. I do hope you will forgive me, for decaying her like that.", he explained as he was apologizing to you. You then replied, "It's okay, my love. There's nothing to forgive.". He became surprised and confused with what you meant by what you said, then you lifted your head with an evil smile, "With her gone now, my stress and misery is over now.". He then knew what you meant, as he is surprised you felt better about yourself after he decayed your mom, as he did. He's also surprised that your reaction to her death was much better than you could ever imagine.
At that moment Shigaraki grabbed your hand, then the both of you ran away from where you were living in. You finally felt freedom from this moment on. He introduced you to the other members of the League of Villains and you knew you'd be one of them. You just knew, your life would be much better with all them, including your love, Shigaraki, than you ever did with your mom.
Go to the cursive, "The End"...
🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤
The End
I do apologize for making both of the endings dark, as I made them, while having both ending involving murder, my Tumblr Peeps😅 I'm a little bit indecisive about which ending to fully pick out, so I decided to put both endings for this fanfic, then decided to have the reader make a decision to pick out, that way there, they can go to an ending based on the what they decide on. I'm not sure, if any fanfic writers has written fanfics with more than 1 ending before or not, however I did play a video game or so that does possibly involve more than 1 ending. I also did read about a few video games having 2 or more endings depending on gamers decisions, or what happens in the game, etc... So I figured that due to not being able to decide on which ending of the 2, to put in this fanfic, it will be the 1st fanfic I've ever written about that has more thsn one ending. To warn you, there are plenty of differences with both endings, despite of the similarities between the 2 endings. And also despite of this fanfic being, possibly 1 of my darkest fanfics, if not the darkest fanfic, I have ever written about, I still hope you enjoy this fanfic, my Tumblr Peeps😁👍
#angst#shigaraki tomura#boku no hero academia tomura#tomura shigaraki#tomura shigiraki x reader#shigaraki#shigaraki fanfiction#my hero academia shigaraki#shigaraki angst#mha shigaraki#shigaraki imagine#shigaraki x y/n#shigaraki x reader#dark angst
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
putting this out there as well, please never be afraid to request ftm. i am a trans man and i will admit i love writing amab because gender envy! but also lowkey, even if i have to get forced to write it, writing for ftm readers makes me. accept myself more??? if that makes sense??? like i hate my body and bro i wanna be born a cis man so bad but also... simply writing "hey reader is dysphoric. boys love them regardless" helps a lot. obvi i have a lot of fic/headkanons/drabbles/anything in my queue that im gonna write for. but it's also comforting knowing people aren't afraid to request it either. so please please please never be afraid to request that, im actually having so much fun with the prompts. lowkey each one i write feels so affirming and also gives me better gender envy if that makes sense final word 2 those who follow my blog that are ftm (or masculine presenting, leaning, whatever!), i really mean it when i say i believe there is no definition of masculinity. please know it is okay to feel dysphoric, and it is okay to present however you'd like regardless. fuck man, sometimes i miss dressin up in skirts & dresses. i am pretty AND handsome and no one should feel like they have to be put in one or the other. everyone feels differently. being comfortable in your body takes so much time. i'm pre-t, and probably will be for a couple years. i feel feminine as fuck, my voice feels so high pitched, my body feels so feminine (unfortunately blessed with a nice rack), my hair is considered long and a feminine length, yet. my friends have told me constantly for about 2 years that i am their BOY i am the GAY GUY of the group. and that maybe some slipped up in the beginning (like 2 months into me actually talking to them) but they will always see me as a guy regardless. and it rubbed off on me! maybe it's my flat affect, but i feel like my voice sounds much more androgynous, i dress masculine, i feel seen as masculine. of course, i have times where i feel the complete opposite and i don't feel like myself at all. but they are there for me. don't feel discouraged because you're pre-anything. or if you struggle with dysphoria more. you are a man, and as long as atleast you know who you are, then it shouldn't matter. you know, it's funny! my mother came from chicago, she was the black sheep of the family. and my dad came from the ass crack of oklahoma. guess who's going to be the best man for my dad's wedding? me! and guess who doesn't have a mom anymore lol. not trauma dumping, but a little experience i wanted to share. i was so taken aback when my dad just accepted me as is. and i want everyone to know that there are people out there like that, family, friends, strangers, partners, etc.
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
How often do you post?
As a writer myself I feel inadequate when I see people post a ton. I’m trying to get the second chapter out on my first series but it’s taking forever the first chapter was posted a month ago. I feel bad for my readers. -🦩
I don't really have a set posting schedule anymore. If I have the content, I would try to post 2 times a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) but in the reality of it all, I rarely have that much content to push out these days.
In 2023, my muse and writing time was very inconsistent, and it can be seen in the chart below that displays my posts per month for 2023 - this includes fics and imagines (but does not include NSFW Alphabets).
As you can see, there are months where I posted less than 5 times (January, June, August, October, November and December) others more than 16 (March). Those low post months can be very discouraging, especially when you see people posting a lot of fics in a short period of time - ex this holiday season I saw a lot of people writing anthology collections for the holidays. They were posting almost daily! And here I was struggling to get 3 fics out! And that's a completely natural feeling to have. Sometimes it just takes longer to make content and that's okay!
There are so many factors that come into play when you get to write and post. Work, family, friends, wellness, motivation. They will all cut into your writing time. And please remember, that all of those thing should be a priority before a blog on Tumblr. This is a hobby, for fun, this is not a job. With that said, let me show you how those things influenced my writing in 2023 by comparing 2 months: April and December. The following are my stats for April:
I wrote 5 imagines for my 300 Follower Celebration and posted 5 fics for Road Wife and one Stand Alone Fic: Daddy Dunn. The shortest post was 528 words, the longest being 7735. The Average Word Count was: 2334 Words.
During this time, I was working 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. My job was not demanding, with a lot of downtime that allowed me to write multiple short fics during my work day.
April is also a month that is not busy for me, I have no family obligation (birthdays, anniversaries etc). which gave me more free time after working hours to write. Burn out was non existent.
The following are my stats for December:
I wrote 3 fics in December. I had no events active on my blog this month - yes, I've been avoiding finishing my 500 follower celebration posts but I swear I will get those done in 2024. ANYWAY. The Shortest fic was 826 words, the longest being 12,164. The Average Word Count was: 4753.
During this time, I was training at a new job, working 8:30am - 4:00pm. I spent many of my evenings studying. I no longer had time to write during work with the exception of the occasional work break. I also began the transition to working shift work. Burnout has been high (since October/November which also saw me writing 2 and 3 fics respectively) Which means I have also been focusing more on my self care and other hobbies that are a little less taxing.
December is also a busy month in regards to family with needing to shop for Christmas, celebrating Christmas, as well as the new year.
Now, this has been a very long and very detailed way to sum up one single statement - how often you post will be dependent on the writer and often things out of their control. But I did want to show how variable those things can be instead of just spouting off random factors without proof as to how things have influenced my ability to write and post.
Feel free to reach out again if you have any further questions!
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello, please feel free not to answer this if you don't want to, I wasn't sure if it was okay to ask. I was just wondering if you still write fic? I've always really enjoyed your writing and I haven't seen you post it in a while. I don't want to pry or anything so I'll understand if you don't answer. Thank you either way, hope you're doing well. 💙💜
🥺🥹 thank you for the kind words, love! I'm glad you've enjoyed my fics in the past, it means so much to hear that 🫶
As for whether I still write fic...well that's a question with a complicated answer. I do still on occasion write for canon dynamics or fics about my oc, and all of those go up on my ao3, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that you probably mean reader fic.
As for that, I don't know. I hate to be an echo chamber and reiterate what so many other people have said, but lately I've been discouraged by a lack of comments on my fic. I don't particularly care for notes/reblogs, but hearing from lovely readers are the entire purpose of me even sharing my fic (I write it for myself, I'll post it to ao3 to back it up, but on here I'm very much just wanting to share my half of the popsicle, y'know?).
In a lot of ways, it comes down to my frustration about a lack of sense of community anymore in this section of the internet, and because I'm going through it a little bit with writer's block and feeling as if I'm just extremely repetitive with story concepts — and also, I feel like what I want out of fics is staggeringly different from the current norm in x reader fics (I definitely know my characterizations are).
All that said, I do miss writing reader fic! I even mentioned to a friend the other day after going through the fic tag for one of my faves that I kind of wanted to pick it up again just so I could write smth that scratched the very particular itch I had...but then it always comes back down to "but is it worth it?" I haven't found an answer to that one yet, but...never say never?
#ask box#nonnie nonnie#🫶 again ty for the kind words lovely#nondescript thoughts floating around my head is also my frustration about my friend#*friends' fics not getting many comments either despite being wonderfully talented#and also even tho its a hobby geared and practically tailor made for someone who is aroace and autistic....#frankly that corner of the internet does not quite feel so welcoming or like i belong so 🤷🏻♀️#it's just a whole big thing in my head sorry i couldnt answer it more eloquently <33#I've been sticking to oc fic simply cos. ghfhddkd i know no one's gonna read it anyway so no need to get my hopes up
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay. Maybe I will indulge my inner child today, even though she shouldn't be at the wheel.
My adult self needs to sweep and clean, needs to do laundry, needs to hunt for more jobs and send lots more applications, needs to brush out her hair and text people back and budget and get groceries and organize vet documents and develop a moving plan and and and ---
But my adult self is hanging on by a thread, and my inner child is wailing. She needs to be held. She needs to cry and laugh in the open, messy way children do, the way they feel their emotions so vividly that there is no other option than to express them all in dizzying sequences.
I need the world to fall away. I need time to stop. I just need to be little and not have to worry about feeding myself and competing for labor and shouldering everything on my own. I need a delicious full night's sleep, with both bedtime and wakeup decided by my body, and I deserve to have that repeated. To create routines that center me, that are undisturbed by the outside world. To have space and quiet to create those routines.
Because as it is, and as it has been, I feel utterly discouraged from trying to take better care of myself. And yet I keep trying, because it's all I have. Stolen moments with the world still crashing into my little space at any second, any time of day. Even with my ears plugged up with music.
I make healthier eating choices and promptly fall sick.
I make plans with people and go out just to be talked over.
I finally confront my neighbor, and then the noise underneath gets worse so I confront that neighbor too, and just when I think things might be bearable, a new family moves in and the daily unavoidable commotion slides back into place.
I'm sick to death of myself for making all the same complaints. I'm sick every time I hear myself speak and negativity pours out because I'm just so exhausted and my cup is empty and people still expect me to come out and socialize and be fucking normal when nothing about this past year has been normal. I feel endlessly punished for doing what was best for me. I feel punished for choosing what was hard but right. I feel punished for finally getting my act together and taking calculated risks that should have paid off. I feel punished for daring to depend on things that had been an unchanging constant in my life for years.
So anyway. My inner child is so demanding of my attention that she's threatening to break loose, without restraint. To shove my adult self into the backseat. And that's not the way things should go -- and my inner child can't be properly sated because all the adult things, the foundational things, haven't been completed. It's like how you should clean your room and make your environment nice before you take hallucinogens; when you let go of control, when you just feel and experience, you need a space able to hold you well.
The space I've tried to make a home always feels a bit hostile. Because it's not just mine. What I experience in here is not wholly on my terms, even when the door never opens. I have little to no control. And after a year of struggling and stretching and begging for just enough money to permit existing, all while trying to retain what makes me me, and seeming normal, and trying to find a groove -- I am just so tired. I am tired. So now I don't want to write another cover letter (how can I anyway? When I spend hours plugging in every relevant key word I can think of and still can't find a job that won't steal my will to live? When my Master's degree only attracts offers from auto repair shops and Best Buy??). I don't want to clean. I don't want to move. I don't want to cry anymore but that's all I can seem to do with any success nowadays.
I just need an escape. I need someone. I need to be loved. I keep letting go of my simple dreams, like having a friend group I do things with, to prioritize what I absolutely need, like a steady income. I let go of the idea of falling in love ANY time soon. I let go of the want to live somewhere beautiful and cool. I just want peace and quiet and security. I just want my foundation settled. My base financial needs something I can easily cover, month after month.
And I should be grateful today, because I have enough in my bank account to cover this month's bills and sparse groceries, and I didn't think I would. I still have a little time to work things out.
But oh god, what I'd give for someone who loves me dearly to say "go shower while I clean your apartment, I'm bringing you some home cooked food, we're going to cuddle and watch a movie on your laptop." Someone to hold me close and let me cry it out and reassure me things will be okay. Have I gotten that even once this past year, that easy reassurance? In November, when my mom and I had that nasty argument that ended with exhausted tears... I don't think that counts. That was ugly and painful and I felt stupid for making truths out of assumptions. No, what I want is to be acknowledged for all I've been carrying, and to be allowed to set that weight down for a little while and just let go in the arms of someone who cares about me.
I need more than some texts that try to be helpful but just come across as condescending.
And I've tried to initiate more phone calls and audio messages but my voice betrays me, it quivers and falls apart so easily. When I speak with a heavy heart, I burst into tears. And I don't feel comfortable enough to reach out like that, knowing the response I get will just make me feel more embarrassed.
I did look into "free therapy" that is not actually free like it's been marketed, plus I'm no longer a sex worker, as I so publicly declared. I can't bring myself to regret it. Nothing in me wants to perform anymore. I can't muster up the energy at even the idea, no matter the guarantee of instant money. Not the money I've needed for the past year, but better than the nothing I have right now.
I don't want to spend the last years of my youth all alone.
I don't want to spend this time of my life bitter and isolated and increasingly scared of the future.
I've gotten through all the other things that scared me, though, right? I used to tremble behind the steering wheel, used to feel like I was gonna throw up at the idea of driving. Crossing the easiest intersection was like winning a marathon race. Years later, I enjoy driving.
I used to never be single because I couldn't fathom being alone, being without someone to kiss me and compliment me and fill my head with romance. Even if I knew I wasn't in love with them and never would be. I used to endure so many red flags and unacceptable treatment because the relationship was otherwise good and widely accepted by others and maybe it was just my fault for being too sensitive. But then I left. Without anything to land on, I left, and proved to myself that I can handle the unknown (and the scary phone calls) by myself.
It's just been lonely and discouraging ever since. I have always followed my heart and done the things that felt right to me. I have heeded my intuition. I have worked hard.
And I feel punished for it.
0 notes
Text
Okay, if anyone's interested in it, I tell you my 3 months experience on Wattpad (and anyway also on AO3...)
So I was a very active fanfic writer from 2007-2018, then I just stopped writing. (Even myself don't really know the reason why. Neverending existential crisis? :D)
I just decided to get together my shit and I made another account on AO3 (which is not the eaion @ ao3, obviously, I use that ancient one for reading and commenting and have fun - so far at least). I'm still uploading my old stories (because there are a lot and also not every day have the mood for archiving, but I'm now at the year of 2011, so "only" 7 years of works are still waiting to post there. :))
At the same time, I've made a Wattpad account (yes, I'm well aware that Wattpad isn't popular in my circle :)), and actually I also don't really like it much. Still don't. :D I uploaded there only two of my longest novels (anyway these are Stereks - Teen Wolf, but it really doesn't matter) My main reason besides being lazy, was that I didn't want to make fancy cover for all of my short stories, etc., blah, blah.
Okay, so conclusion: People don't really reads fanfictions in my language anymore (maybe I really should write something in English finally, and I have so many ideas, just still don't have the courage. :')) Wattpad is for more of the original stories, as I experienced, but anyway, I still got readers, and two of them were willing to even comment, though I used to get much more comment on that fic (on other sites, when it was new). It was really a pain updating both of the novels, because, I got zero readers, until I posted like the 10th chapter. :'D I decided like 100 times, that I would stop updating - because nobody read it seemingly - it was very discouraging (it's an euphemism, lol - actually it was very, very annoying...) Then my only one reader ;D commented on my last chapter - they were really kind, and told that they were so afraid that I wouldn't finished the fic, because there on Wattpad, most fics are unfinished. (Actually they were right, I see a shitton of unfinished fics, but... I almost told my reader that: "maybe if the readers mercy the writers with some comments or votes in the process? (Votes are little stars and are like "kudos" on AO3, but you can give a vote an every chapter.) Because, I, personally almost deleted or stopped updating my fucking fic, because literally felt like dropping it to the void?! Okay, whatever. I'm glad I have that one commenter, that actually read through the story, and have some other people who "bookmarked" (add to some fricking reading list), though still don't have any votes or comments on my second novel (today I uploaded the last chapter), so... :/ I guess, I stop using Wattpad, it's not worth it. I found a few stories that were readable (at least don't have godawful spelling and grammar), but most of the stories are not for me, because they are hetero Mary Sue stories. The other problem, that there are seemingly many interesting(looking) original lgbt stories, but most (!) of them are behind a paywall, so you couldn't read them without having a paid premium account. :/ Anyway, yeah, it's hard to find stories, because it's very algorithmic, but if you are a registered user, you can search (one worded) tags (I added many tags to my stories), so you can find something relevant to your interests, but it's not that easy, and again: most fanfictions are not very well written or abandoned; and many, many original stories are behind a paywall. What I liked most on that site were the bookcovers, I made myself, too - for my little gay novels. ^^ I used Unsplash, not stealing fanarts, which unfortunately many writers do there... :(
So, I don't know. Wattpad not that horrible as I was told, but definitely not good. :) I recommend it actually rather for youngers, who wants to try themself and actually if you have many friends (classmates), TikTok followers, etc., you can marketize your fics, so you can gain more readers. That's the only way to not only having a few readers.
Okay, then, good old AO3.
I have some kudos, but I got comments only to my few original works, so it cemented my experience (and prejudice, okay, lol :P) that people in my country don't like reading fanfictions anymore. :( (It's sad btw.) You can say: "okay, but your first 100 livejournal fics you've already uploaded were like 15 years old and had their audience in the past, back then". It's true, but... I visited an other fanfiction site, which is in my language and examined the recently uploaded stories - it's heartbreaking to see that... they got mostly zero comments. Good, quality stories from good writers. I don't know anyway, is this an international phenomenon: people read less fanfictions nowadays or what?
Okay then, I have a surprise comment anyway (I got this type of comment in the past, too), that someone asking me to translate my fic to English, because she would like to read it! Actually, it's so heartwarming to read something like that! ^_^ ♡ I wish my English would be better. :(
And now I recently got a comment to one of my fanfictions, so maybe the spell (nobody comments on my native language fanfictions) are broken. :)
(I still don't decide that I should upload my fics to ffnet, too. I uploaded only one there, like 15 years ago. :D)
Okay, guys, I just would like to ask your experience or opinion. :) I heard everywhere that Wattpad is not so good, etc., mostly because you can't really search there by tags or fandoms and it seems true; I could hardly find there anything specific that I would like to find. But...
It seems to me that there is life. I mean in my native language, you can hardly find any readers, there is an awesome fanfic and original fiction site in my language, it's pretty old, more than 20 years and great, but - it seems to me that nobody reads anything there. There are a very few interactions with the fanfics. And it seems the same on AO3. Writers in my language upload incredible and really high quality fics, many long ones, but they hardly gets even a few kudos, not to mention comments. It's really demoralizing and sad.
I'm not that young and Wattpad always seemed to me being a site that only teenagers use, that's why I feel myself being clumsy to use it, but if there are so many enthusiastic readers and living community even in my little mother tongue, then I guess I should give it a try. :)
Honestly, I always heard mostly negative opinions about Wattpad, that's why I was always discouraged to use it. But I would like to read some more-open minded opinions or opinions from people who use it frequently and like it. Is it really good and maybe you can help how I can find more easily stories that I want to read? :) (Or maybe uploading my old stories if I were really brave. :D)
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
is it bad to want to stop writing if no one reads your stories?
Hey Anon! Sorry I’ve just gotten to this, my schoolwork load yesterday was quite just...absolutely insane lol, but here I am!
Okay, so I’ve never been asked this question before, so anyone that sees this....this is just my approach, I guess? If we want to call it that - we don’t all have to agree on an approach to a question like this, but it’s a valid question and people feel things like this - hell, I’ve felt this before a couple years ago - so this is just my own opinion, I just wanted to put it out there!
I really looked long and hard at this question because if I’m being honest, we can’t deny it, a vast majority of people have probably felt this at some point in their life. And I know it’s sort of a question that people want to avoid but I feel it has happened to the vast majority of people out there. People can disagree with me, but I don’t think it’s entirely bad. Sure, we want people to read our stories, we want to see people enjoying things we have created....but, I will say that I, personally, have peeled away from that mindset.
I began writing in 2015, posting in 2019 and I can say that at the start, I was stuck in this mindset - if no one enjoys it why post it - and it sucked. I’m sure there are others who can agree. But I don’t want to ignore the fact that I’ve felt this before, and dismiss that it’s bad. Because, sure, now, I’m like okay that’s not the mindset I want - I feel it is almost necessary to feel though in the process of growing as a writer. Sort of like the good and the bad - you have to feel this in order to push through it. It’s like life - you have to fail to something, because then you learn. I failed a statistics test, but I’ve learned from my mistakes that I’ve made with it. It’s a tough lesson in life that I feel needs to be talked about more, especially in today’s day and age - sometimes you have to fail, to learn, it’s an important part of life. And your question, Anon, you are not alone, please know that.
With who I am today, I’m very much of the mindset that writing is simply for enjoyment purposes - for me. I do things, simply that - for me. I write what I want, what I would want to see as a reader cruising around, all that stuff. And I write when I want to LMAO - SHANNON + SCHEDULES DON’T MIX HAHA!! The stats of say Wattpad or Tumblr or AO3 might’ve gotten to my head a bit, but once I started realizing that writing is straight up just fun to do and fun to craft and be confident and happy about - it felt that was worth it more than any amount of comments, votes, reads, kudos or anything (in my opinion, I know this can be slightly controversial in ways!). The simple enjoyment of writing and crafting a story for me today I feel will always override anything. Even if one person sees it, fine by me. And I’m being quite honest, this mindset has taken years - I can’t deny that. There’s experienced writers in the fandom who are wonderful to talk to about this and have helped me a lot, more than anything with this.
AND BE PRIDEFUL AND CONFIDENT! Part of the reason I was stuck in a mindset, similarly, was because I wasn’t confident in my writing abilities - but once you realize that no one writes like you - you’re like OH HEY look at that, look at ME, look what I can DO!! Trust me, there’s a reason unique is a word - we’re all different, we all write different, if we were all the same, things would get pretty boring right? So be proud about you and your work more than anything!
So, don’t at all think this is bad. I feel it’s natural, it’s normal. But I don’t want it to discourage you. I don’t want the fact that people not reading your story to turn you completely away from writing. There’s always someone who sees it and absolutely adores your story and readily awaits your updates, taking it in like it’s candy. Sure it may suck at first, I’ve felt the feeling before and arguably it is not fun, but, I come to you now Anon and say this as if we are face to face - keep writing. Keep writing. KEEP WRITING! There may not be a lot of reads on your story, but it has more than likely helped someone in a time where they needed that story. And the statistics of your story do not discredit your talent as a writer. Statistics are well - simply that, statistics, who clicks, who reads, basically who presses a few buttons on your story and decide they want to click around and read it. But that will never discredit your talent.
I’ve heard it plenty of times that the number one sellers in stores are the best writers in the world. I’ve found plenty of stories that aren’t number one sellers before and the writing has been absolutely incredible! So...I guess life’s just like that - it sucks sometimes, but it’s just a harsh realization that I feel personally is hard to overcome, but it something very present in the world today.
When you really enjoy doing something, when you really love what you do - people’s opinions, the statistics of things, any hate, any crude comments - all of that, it won’t matter. Because you enjoy what you do, and you love it, simply. So...if you need to take a step back, 100% take a step back and maybe (I’m not saying this is the case, just an example) if the story isn’t working for you, yourself, maybe take it down and rework it? Sometimes the enjoyment of writing could be that the story itself doesn’t satisfy you - and hey that’s a reality sometimes! IT WAS MY REALITY!!!*
I’M NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE FOR YOU AT ALL, but I want to comfort you in saying, this could be a possibility. I started a story and it just, it was sort of a mess, it was everywhere. And so I talked to a writer friend and she helped me more than ANYTHING in reworking it, with better, more polished ideas - and it became The Soldier of Stars. I had been 10 chapters in, written through Episode 8 of BoB and really had to start over - but it was worth it every step. It became more enjoyable, more personable, and almost a comfort - to know someone was there for me and able to help. And to know I enjoyed the story more because I reworked it to how I wanted it - regardless of who saw it or not - I enjoyed the story because of what I did for me, not want readers wanted, what I want.
And so, sitting here now, I invite you to my inbox, to my messages - any of it - submit your questions, ask me personally, your questions - anything. Because I have faith in you truly. So do not at all think it is bad, I feel it is only natural and normal. But I do invite you to stop on by the inbox or messages because I have faith and hope with what you do. Writing, for me, personally, is simply for fun - I’m actually going into Translational Biomedical Sciences for college this fall and writing fanfic won’t exactly be number 1 LOL! But writing for me will always be there when I need a sort of mental break from school.
Writing Landslide, to be honest, I haven’t looked at stats much. For me, that has just come with just writing and writing and writing, despite who sees it. Because writing is simply fun and in my opinion, it should always be fun somehow. Always find something fun in what you do, because life won’t always be fun, but if you find a little bit of fun in something like writing - take it and run with it - cherish it! Whether it is because of this wonderful lil OC you’ve created, an OTP, a brotp, a crackship from a small fandom - ANYTHING! Your writing is valid, always know that, and there is always someone that enjoys it - even if they don’t make it seen - someone sees your writing and goes “Wow, okay this is FANTASTIC, I need more.” They may not say a word and that is 100% valid - because no one really owes anyone a thing here :) But they could be there, loving your work and excited for every update.
I know this response was sort of ‘everywhere’ if we want to call it that, but this really sums of my feelings because what you’re feeling is 100% valid. I’ve felt it and I know other people have felt it to. Don’t be discouraged, know you can come to me and I’m more than happy to help in anyway I can - simply talking, reworking, getting in mindsets, getting deeper. Because writing should be FUN!! It should always be fun somehow, even with the dark topics or easy-going stuff. It should be FUN!! So, KEEP WRITING!! KEEP DOING YOUR THING!!! Someone enjoys it - and GUESS WHAT THAT SOMEONE CAN BE Y O U!!! :D I hope this helped out, I know this question in general can be controversial, but truly - keep doing you, keep doing your thing out there in this big, wide world - keep writing. If you keep writing, that is the best lesson anyone can teach you. Keep writing.
#writing#fanfic writing#creative writing#the importance of writing#this question is very valuable i feel#it's a thing i'm sure many people have felt and it shouldn't be ignored since people feel it#anon please know you are not in the wrong for feeling something like that!!#people i bet feel it all the time and if you want you can find ways to overcome it!#it sucks - and i'm not trying to give right or wrong here - but you can get through it (only if you want tho!)#if you don't want to write anymore that's okay but don't be discouraged my friend!!!#okay#i'll stop rambling now#my asbox and inbox and messages are ALWAYS open!
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
I had a question for you! I recently got into fic writing and I admit that I am far from good, but I found it to be fun and two of my friends help edit it and help me out. Some people liked it and I really got into it. A week ago, I got a really long, nasty comment that basically told me I was a horrible writer and that I should never publish again, plus said I should get new editors. It was awful. I don't even really want to write anymore after the hateful things they said. I know I'm not great and have a lot to learn but it was really discouraging. Has that ever happened to you on your fics? Do you have any advice on how to bounce back?
This is going to be long, but I have Feelings™️ about this…
First, I want to say I’m sorry this happened to you. No matter how much skill or experience you have or don’t have, you didn’t deserve it. It makes me mad when readers feel the need to be cruel when this is a hobby for most of us & something we do for joy. It was this individual’s responsibility to simply click the back button & go find something else, not tear you down.
That said, I’ve had quite a few unpleasant fandom experiences from unwelcome critique to stealing/copying my work, & it’s hard to come back from, especially early on when you’re just starting to figure it out— but there are a few things that have helped me over the years:
Time is a given & so is being kind to yourself, so give yourself those things ♥️ Revisiting the work & pulling out things I like is a big help. It’s too easy to see the flaws after a nasty comment, so find what sparked joy in the first place. If the negative is too loud, turn it into what you would’ve done differently, but don’t beat yourself up either. I see things I would do different all the time. It’s just a part of growing. Stuff I know for next time! But the biggest help has been my friends.
I am lucky enough to have two friends who have been with me through most of my writing journey & I have picked up a few more along the way. But having them listen & support me & give a big “fuck that person” after stuff like this helps tremendously.
So, next, I’d like to say: fuck that person.
The ‘want to quit’ feelings they left you with are valid, but their actions were not. We can’t find our voice & style & all the things that piece us together as a writer without stumbling through the process. Here, my friends & I like to say that spite is a pretty solid motivator, & it is.
Don’t quit. Don’t let this person win. Tell your story. Grow. Write another chapter and dedicate it to them. And it’s okay to not be ready to do that yet, but I encourage you to do it. This shit gets easier to field as your skin gets thicker & it is *so freeing* when you get there, but it takes time, just like developing your craft. Things I wrote 7 years ago would be so different if I wrote it today. It’s just how it is.
I wish you all the best anon & I don’t know if any of this was helpful to you, but I hope it made you feel better— even a little— & that you keep writing. We all start somewhere ♥️✨
#on writing#I’m so sorry anon#I would hug you if I could — or not if you’re not big on hugs#& in that case I’d give you a cup of tea or coffee & blanket to burrito in
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rejecting you and regretting it
genre: angst to fluff
warnings: slight cursing, rude behavior (resolved), do message me if I forgot any.
ft. sakusa kiyoomi, tsukishima kei
Sakusa Kiyoomi
you're not oblivious to the fact that kiyoomi is a very conscious person
that's one of the things you loved about him
he was hygienic and he always made sure that his health was his utmost priority
but one downside is that kiyoomi had the tendency to push people away because of his straightforwardness
you were used to it and in fact, you were one of those people he tolerated
but everyone has their bad days
and unfortunately for you, today was kiyoomi's and since you were always attached to him by the hip, he unintentionally snapped at you
what's worse is that he snapped at you the moment you confessed to him
"Omi!" you shouted happily as you entered the gymnasium, giving Komori a small wave before making your way to where Kiyoomi was sitting.
He looked at you with a frown. He wasn't wearing a mask since they were training awhile ago and only took a quick break. "Y/n, what are you doing here?"
You sat beside him making Kiyoomi grimace and slightly move away. You frowned at him, completely displeased at the action. "I just wanted to give you a visit. Plus, I have something to tell you."
You started to fiddle with your fingers nervously. You practiced your confession several times already but doing it seemed harder than you thought.
"What is it? Talk, I'm not in the right mood to socialize right now."
Out of panic, you quickly blurted out a rather loud, "I like you!" You immediately covered your mouth with your hand and stared at him wide eyed.
The other players looked at you with sympathy, knowing what's about to happen. Out of all days, you really had to confess today, when Kiyoomi was in a pissy mood after several fangirls pushed themselves against him this morning, not minding his personal space.
Kiyoomi stared at you with a serious expression before standing up. "I don't like you. Leave."
"But Omi.."
"You're irritating and you always bother me when it is clear that I don't want your company." He turned around and left you on the bench, your head casted down in humiliation.
You whispered a small sorry before running out of the gym with tears falling from your eyes.
For the next few days, you did your very best to stay away from Kiyoomi. You changed your route to school knowing that your usual route meant that you have to pass by his house. Even if you got scolded several times for being late, you did not stop.
You sat near the door so you can easily exit the room after class. You even stopped eating with Komori and Kiyoomi during breaks and lunch. Even your usual routine of visiting the gym during practices was stopped.
At first, Kiyoomi didn't mind. He knew that you'd come back in a few days just like you always did. You like him after all, right?
But when a few days turned into weeks, He started getting bothered. Why weren't you pestering him like always? Why did you stop visiting him? You said you like him, right?
It was the second week that Kiyoomi took action. He woke up extra early to wait for you infront of your house, aiming to confront you about your behavior.
When you went out, your eyes widened slightly upon seeing Kiyoomi waiting for you outside. He was wearing his face mask while staring at you intently, letting you know that he purposely waited for you.
You looked down and was about to walk pass him when you felt him tugging on your wrist. Your gaze snapped to his hand, not believing that he was indeed touching your skin.
"Sakusa?"
His eye twitched at the weirdness of you not calling him like usual. Sighing, he stepped a little closer to you, hand still holding your wrist to ensure that you won't run away from him.
"You're ignoring me," he said while eyeing you. "Why?"
You took your hand from him and furrowed your brows. "I'm just doing you a favor. I don't want to be a bother anymore. Isn't this what you wanted?"
"I-"
"It's fine, Sakusa. You don't have to force yourself to apologize just because you feel bad or obliged to."
He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I'm not apologizing because I feel bad."
"Then what? You're apologizing just to make fun of me? I know I said I like you but that doesn't mean that you have the right to-"
"You don't get it!"
At this point, you were both raising your voices. Some passersby were looking at you two weirdly, some even running as to not get caught up in the fight.
"Get what, Sakusa? Why don't you tell me so I can understand?!"
"I like you!" Kiyoomi exclaimed. "I... Fuck. I like you, okay? I wasn't in the mood when you confessed and I rejected you without thinking. I messed up. The moment I saw you walk out, I knew I fucked up real bad and I-"
"Om-"
"And I thought that you'd come back the next day to bother me again like usual. I wanted to apologize but my pride-"
You sighed as he continued to ramble. With fast movements, you stood on your tiptoes and encircled your arms around his neck to pull him down to you, kissing him over his mask.
When you let go, Kiyoomi was silent. His eyes were wide and you thought that you went over board. Panic made its way to your face as you try to find the words to explain.
"Sorry, I didn't me-"
This time, he was the one to cut you off. Kiyoomi took off his mask and bent down to kiss you on your lips. One of his arms snaked around your waist to support you while the other settled on your nape, angling you to him.
"Be my s/o."
Tsukishima Kei
Everyone in Karasuno knew how much you like Tsukishima
In fact, you remind him everyday
You often give him fresh strawberries from the market and even bake him strawberry cake
Sometimes, you would put little sticky notes on his belongings and write some encouraging words like "you can do it", "I believe in you" or "take it easy!"
On his birthday, you even gave him a hoodie with a dino design (which he secretly loved)
There are times that you knew Tsukishima gets irritated when you visit and even snaps at you but you didn't mind. You liked him and a small snap will not discourage you
But what you didn't know was that it would only take one conversation to completely shatter your heart
"-And they're back," Sugawara said as he saw you enter the gym, a bubbly smile present on your face as usual.
"Kei!" You skipped your way towards Tsukishima and handed him his water bottle which you voluntarily refilled with hot water.
He only gave you a 'tsk' and took the water bottle. Adjusting his glasses, he stared at you from head to toe as if analyzing you, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.
"What are you looking at? Have you finally come to realize that you like me back?" you cheekily asked, poking his bicep.
"No. I was just wondering how someone could look so ugly."
Despite what he said, you forced yourself to giggle, covering your upset feeling with an eye roll. "Oh shut up, Kei. You don't have to hide it, you know? Don't worry, I'm not going to reject you."
You winked at him causing Tsukishima to blush even more.
The rest of the boys snickered and laughed at his reaction which made Tsukishima more embarrassed than he already is.
"Just confess to the girl already, Tsukishima. Can't you see she's trying hard to win you?" Daichi said with a small chuckle while patting Tsukishima's back.
Tsukishima just huffed and pushed his glasses up. "What's there to like? They're nothing but an eyesore anyway."
"What?" you asked in disbelief.
Having a playful banter with Tsukishima was normal in your routine but this was the first time he called you such an offensive term. Does he really think of you that way?
"Oh come on, stop acting dumb. I don't even get why there are guys running after you. I mean, there's really nothing much to look at, right?"
Everyone grew quiet at what he said, clearly not expecting Tsukishima to be at such level of rudeness.
You swallowed the lump forming in your throat as your insecurity skyrocketed. "I try hard every single day to look presentable to you. I-"
You paused for a moment to laugh pathetically at yourself. "I exert a lot of effort to make you notice me. I cook for you, I give you gifts. Heck, I even stay after class to help clean the gym so that the task would be easier for you and I'm not even asking for anything in return."
Tsukishima glared at you sharply that you immediately felt extremely smaller than him. "I never asked you to do those things for me."
"Can't you at least show me that you care?" You wiped your tears with the back of your hand. "Because I'm slowly getting tired of this push and pull game."
"Don't you get it? I don't like you. Why don't you stop pushing yourself to me and start getting a life, hm?"
"Tsukishima, that's enough!" you heard Daichi yell at him.
"Y/n?" Sugawara was immediately beside you, his hand rubbing circles on your back in attempt to calm you down.
"No-" You lifted your face up to meet Tsukishima's eyes. "I think he's right. I should stop being a nuisance and focus on myself."
"I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry," you said before giving Tsukishima a bow and leaving the gym with everyone's eyes following your figure until the door shut.
Everyone could only look at Tsukishima as he cursed under his breath.
"Shit."
The moment you left the gym, you headed straight to the comfort room to let your tears out. You stared at yourself on the mirror as tears cascaded down your cheeks.
"You're beautiful," you reassured yourself while pointing at your own reflection. "What he said doesn't make you any less. Know your worth."
You wiped your tears and splashed your face with cold water before getting out and heading to class without sparing Tsukishima any glance.
You ignored Tsukishima, stopped visiting the gym and focused on yourself. You even made made friends with some of your classmates that you didn't bother getting associated with last time because you were too focused on capturing the attention of Tsukishima.
Unbeknownst to you, a certain male was eyeing you as you interact with other people. He blamed himself for pushing you away. He didn't talk to you, thinking that you only wanted space for a couple days before bothering him again.
He knew that what he said was out of line and he regret everything he did. He even asked Yamaguchi and the rest of the team for advice but all of them responded with the same answer - apologize and tell you how he feels.
Tsukishima gripped the pen tightly as he watched you laughing at something your classmate said. The said classmate was too close to you and it was obvious that he was trying to flirt with you.
"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi called out. He followed Tsukishima's gaze and sighed. "Why don't you go and talk to them?"
"Tsk. Why would I do that? Can't you see they're enjoying his company?" Tsukishima bitterly said.
"You'll end up losing them if you don't do something about it now. Who knows, they might already be lo-" Yamaguchi stopped as Tsukishima instantly stood up and made his way to where you are.
Taking your wrist, he pulled you towards him, heading out of the classroom.
"Tsukishima, what the hell?!" You tried to resist but his grip on your wrist only tightened.
You gasped as he suddenly stopped, trapping you against a wall with his arms beside your head.
"I'm sorry." Tsukishima closed his eyes, balling his fist as he bowed his head. "I said hurtful words to you and no amount of apology will take those away but I want you to know that I regret every single one of it."
You bit your lower lip as you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Do you really think that I'm ugly? I was hurt, Kei. It's just.."
"I'm sorry." His hand made its way to your cheek, cupping your face while he wiped your tears with his thumb. "You're not ugly."
You shook your head and averted your gaze from him, a sob escaping your lips as you felt yourself falling for him deeper. "Don't. Just stop. I'll accept your apology but please just leave me be. I won't be able to stop my feelings for you if you keep leading me on."
"But I don't want you to stop."
"What?"
"I've fallen for you." He tipped your chin up with his hand making you look at him and you were surprised to see the vulnerability in his features. "Please look at me again, y/n. Keep loving me because I swear that I'll do things different this time. Give me a chance."
You can't help but encircle your arms around him, burrying your face on the side of his neck as you nodded repeatedly. "One chance, Kei."
Tsukishima hugged you tightly, lips pressing on the side of your head. "One chance." He leaned away from you and held your face with his hand, eyes boring to yours admiringly.
"You're beautiful."
Likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️
#haikyuu fluff#hq fluff#hq imagines#haikyuu angst#haikyuu comfort#haikyuu imagines#hq angst#haikyu x reader#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#hq x reader#hq headcanons#tsukishima fluff#tsukishima kei#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima oneshot#tsukishima scenarios#tsukishima x you#tsukishima imagine#tsukishima hcs#tsukishima angst#tsukishima comfort#hq sakusa#hq tsukishima#sakusa x y/n#sakusa fluff#sakusa angst
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
okay but like, when and WHY did people stop doing these ? I remember feeling so excited every time I was included in one, and I remember all the cool blogs and people I discovered through checking them out. well, terrible graphic aside, I am here to hopefully continue the tradition of follow forevers. first and foremost, I love ALL of my mutuals and followers ! owo please don't be discouraged if you don't find yourself on this list, I'm doing this on the fly and we all know my memory is shit so I'm bound to forget someone. but I'm not lying when I say I love and appreciate you all ! thank you for following me and tolerating me on your dash. <3 you are always welcome here / with me.
first up, the MVPs of my dash !
@fortunefavours || mel is my absolute best friend, like. we have been writing for over 4 years ! I don't think I'd still even BE roleplaying on tumblr if it weren't for her. she has always loved and supported me unconditionally... humored my 3 am meta spews, shipped with me, written all the aus, celebrated our birthdays and holidays together. she isn't really active on tumblr anymore - we do stuff on Discord mostly - but I couldn't imagine making one of these without listing her first, so
@macveigh || another of my long-standing friends in the tumblr rpc. molly is so kind and passionate, her lore and worldbuilding are rich and morgan is just genuinely a great, heartfelt character. I know molly has worked really hard on her and I am so honored to have been a part of that developmental journey. just, another person I couldn't miss on this list. we love and support in this house.
@magioffire & @manenimittliv || you guys are getting put together because a) you've both been with me a LONG ass time and I appreciate that a lot, and b) because your characters fucking ROCK. you've both put so much time and effort and love into your muses and lore and it shows. I also know you've both had your struggles in recent years, but I'm glad to see you still kicking here on tumblr.
@mooneternyl || trahearne and kenzi are fucking ICONS and im still just ksjsjsj because we're mutuals and I feel so out of my league. but I love talking with them, plotting and shipping with them, and im excited to be able to write with them. a pleasure and an honor, it really is. we love and support in this house.
@touchedsky & @huntershowl || you guys are getting put together because I love you both and was so fucking happy to rediscover your blogs ! not only that, but joey and raine have been absolute inspirations for me. I aspire to have the level of creativity and writing skill that they do, I just really look up to them both as creators. and also I love their characters a shit ton, and my characters love their characters a shit ton. just a whole lot of love for these two.
now, for some quick shoutouts ! these are in no particular order, btw !
@luposcainus || absolutely fanatastic. im sorry I suck at plotting :,D im v excited to interact with you and love having you on my dash.
@frstwomn || just started following / interacting, but hi, I love you, thank you for bringing positivity and love to my dash ON TOP OF an amazing character
@cripplemagics / @hollowichor || thank you for bringing representation and awareness to the dash. you are doing good and probably hard work and I just want you to know I appreciate it a lot, so thank you.
@streetslost / @bloodcrave || I know you have more URLs but my memory sucks so... just know you are great and I love your characters
@celestieu || we love bunny and maddie in this house, that is all
@nezemnyy / @vtratasebe || you are cool af and I love your characters
@sanatoris || I know you have other URLs and that you aren't super active anymore, so just... I love your characters and miss having you on my dash
@defiantclairvoyant / @felinesensed / @thcyfight / @witchyheroines || we haven't interacted because I genuinely suck, but know that I see you and appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash. all the hugs, don't let the rpc stop you from sharing your creativity and loving your characters, okay ?
@thebestplayer / @lesoleilavole / @iblogaboutit / @liarincommand / @createsowndemons || super fucking quality right here folks !
@entersatan / @fromtower / @fromdreaming / @abandonroots || you are very creative and I love all your ideas and characters !
@breaksmen / @assumednothing || more quality right here ! I love having you on my dash, and I'm very excited to start interacting with illyana
@soleiltm / @miscxllany || you and your characters are icons, I love them all
@akeron & @rblgltch || your universe and lore is so fucking cool ! I am very excited to interact with you both and get involved in your universe and lore !!
@ghoststained / @gracesmuggled || we love and support in this house
@hebled || you are so fucking cool and quality, very excited to interact !!
@dehvils || firstly, thank you for being patient with me. secondly, we love and support in this house. very excited to write with you !
@nykrose & @immergrun & @batteredoptimist || idk you all have a similar nature magic / lowkey faerie vibe ? so just want to say I love and live for it.
@thxwxlf || you are both cool and quality. we love and support in this house.
@dutyworn / @smokedanced || you have just been so fucking nice and supportive and we haven't talked or interacted at all, and I really appreciate it. you just seem really chill and nice and you are a great and refreshing presence on my dash for it.
@vxctorx || okay but I love our plots and ship, and I'm excited to explore them more with you. also, you took and love a very unknown and underappreciated character which I respect a lot, especially since you're so passionate about him.
@griim & @unsnare || similar badass female muse vibe, we love and support you both in this house.
last but not least, a big thank you to all my followers, whether you've been here a while or we just started following each other. I appreciate you all. I know I am slow and forgetful, but I'm doing my best, and I look forward to interacting with you all in the new year.
also this is safe to reblog also also, more positivity like this in 2023 pls !
#《 ° ooc ; selkie.exe 》 oh im trash just not approved trash#safe to reblog !#i dont know if this will ping everyone but... yeah here it is
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
(tw vent if that's okay if not you can just delete this, thank you <3) honestly though the hate in this fandom is... so discouraging. like ive been writing fics for top gun & tgm but the fact so many people are so set on being hateful & not respecting others, and now there's a whole burn book blog like... idk i just don't feel like i should put myself out there. which is really sad because i really want to interact. and i know the fandom wasn't like this prior to tgm, and that makes me sad too because i came in after tgm came out, and I just feel so sad that even though im not part of the problem i'm still part of like, the wave of people that flooded the fandom. which would have happened even without me being here, but idk, i just feel... sad, like it feels like tgm (even though it's a really good movie that a lot of people genuinely and innocently love) really screwed ao3 up and sorta just hurt everyone and is still hurting everyone. idk.
it just sucks that fandom is supposed to be a place that brings people together and makes happiness and instead I just feel so drained and upset when I think about posting fics and exposing them to the fandom and apparently whole discord groups to like, pick apart. it's just really sad and sucky.
anyway if you made it this far thank you very much for listening, I really appreciate it and I hope you're having an okay day even after that topgunburnbook thing and all this drama
Oh, my dear. As Saint Kesha says, "Don't let the bastards get you down. Don't let the assholes wear you out. Don't let the mean girls take your crown, don't let the scumbags screw you 'round, don't let the bastards take you down."
First of all, don't worry about the burn book people at all, because most of their posts have zero notes. It's just a couple bitter people who think being mean is edgy, and no one is even following them. So, that is a non-issue. It doesn't affect you.
And don't worry about AO3. You didn't do that. It does suck, but it's not your fault, and it's not the end of the world.
The thing that happened when Top Gun: Maverick came out and brought new fans into the fandom is that the fandom got big. And that is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have all these wonderful creators who are just discovering the movies and the characters, and they're bringing in great new stories and art and meta. I've met a lot of wonderful new people who are just like you: They just want to have a good time in this fandom and interact with other fans who share their passion. And honestly, most people are like that.
The problem is that big fandoms have big fandom problems. Think of it like this: Before TGM came out, the Top Gun fandom was a small town. Everyone active in fandom literally knew everyone else, either firsthand or from a, "Hey, you wrote _______; I love that story! Oh my gosh, and you're _____'s friend? That's awesome. She's the best." This creates a harmonious atmosphere, because everything is personal, it's small enough to be self-governing, and because everyone knows everyone, everyone is accountable for their actions.
After TGM came out, Top Gun fandom is no longer a small town. It's a big city. And it has the same problems that all big cities have. People generally don't know anyone except the people in their immediate circle, so that causes factions and in-grouping, and an "us versus them" mentality. This is why you get shipping wars and stuff like that. The fandom is too big to self-govern, and everyone is here to have fun, so it's not like we're going to elect a governing system, but between that and the fact that everybody doesn't know their neighbors personally, there's no accountability anymore. So for one, there's crime now. For example, there has been a lot of theft since more people joined the fandom. New fans are just straight up stealing content from other people and acting like it's their own. And what are we going to do, call the cops? No. It's just something we have to deal with because we live in a big city.
And, yes, the relative (and, on Tumblr, often literal) anonymity of being in a large fandom where no one knows you does encourage some people's terrible behavior. I talked about psychological and sociological studies of anonymity a little while ago, and the gist is: When anonymity is an option, the general chaos of the system does increase, but individuals just act like themselves, but ... moreso. Think of it like the Captain America serum or the mask from that Jim Carrey movie. Anonymity, even perceived anonymity like being just one person in a large system, just shows what you're really like inside. It dials you up to 11. And most people are kind and leave thoughtful questions or wonderful comments in ask boxes, or just go around with positive thought memes made up of happy emojis just to brighten others' days. That's most people. This small, ugly portion of the fandom that is using the fact that they cannot be held accountable as an excuse to hurt people is aberrant. They're the ones who don't belong here, and you can't let the fear of being their target keep you from enjoying all the good things a big city can afford you. Like, small towns are the bomb, but there are wonderful things that big cities can support that small towns can't. Like International Street where you can get different food from all around the world. Big art galleries. More resources for mentorship. More clubs and opportunities for you to find exactly your niche, and people who share it with you.
You didn't do anything wrong. Things grow and expand. You should be enjoying everything this city has to offer. If you feel comfortable, I would love you to come off anon and message me, and we can talk about getting you comfortable putting yourself out there in this fandom, and maybe I can connect you to some resources or some other really great people in the fandom. We want to hear from you. We want to talk to you. We want you to publish your work. We're happy you're here, truly.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
% comforting them when they're upset
.! oikawa, tsukishima, matsukawa (sep) x gn!r
.! angst + fluff/ breakdowns, crying, etc. lightly proofread bc im lazy so sorry for any mistakes.
.! im so sorry if this is absolute word vomit or horse shit 😭 i tried my best though 😌 uhhh sorry for not posting yesterday i got my daith pierced and i was in a lot of pain after that so i didnt feel like writing anywho enjoy this 👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩 p.s. i was originally gonna write for mad dog but i was struggling so i went with mattsun instead sorry. also idk why matsuns ended up being so short i didnt do him justice i apologize 😩
oikawa
— always gets discouraged when his knee bothers him. today was one of those days. his coach had made him sit out of practice because he had been limping a bit. he came home distraught and you noticed right away.
"what's the matter toru?" you asked opening your arms for a hug, which he accepted, wrapping his arms around your middle quite tightly. "my knee is bothering me again 'n coach made me sit out. it's just not fair." he mumbled into your shoulder. you could feel his tears soak through your shirt. you nodded and responded, "baby, he just doesn't want you to hurt yourself. i know it's not fair but-", "but i wanna play volleyball, i wanna get better and practice." he said, aggravated that you weren't exactly on his side, still he held you tighter.
"toru, baby, look at me." he does as told, and you bring your hands up to wipe his tear stained cheeks,"toru, you can't strain your knee anymore than you already do, you know this. i know you only want to play volleyball, baby i know, but you have to be patient." he nods in agreement and you do the same, then guiding his head back to your shoulder, "i know it's frustrating toru, but you can't force it, y'know? he wouldn't make you sit out if it wasn't for your best interest. you know that, deep down."
the two of you had been cuddling on the couch, his back against your chest when you heard him sniffling again, "toru, what's wrong?" you ask softly, sitting up slightly. "i'm so useless, my own knee can't even work right. the team deserves someone better and so d-do you" he hiccuped, hiding is face in his hands. you felt guilty for not comforting him more earlier. "toru, that's not true at all." you stated, forcing his hands into yours, "take it back right now." he looked at you confused. "toru oikawa i said take it back right this instant." you said a little sterner than before.
"no." he managed to get out through sobs, and you knew the stern method wasn't going to work this time around. "toru, please. you're not useless at all, not to anyone, not to the team, and especially not to me. you're the best teammate, friend and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and your knee just needs a break sometimes, you just need a break sometimes and thats okay. needing a break doesn't make you useless or weak, toru." you say softly, guiding him to a sitting position, hugging him closely and tracing small, comforting shapes on his back.
"you're so so strong toru, and you're an amazing person, an amazing boyfriend, you're such an amazing volleyball player and i'm so proud of how far you've come since highschool." you say, kissing the crown of his head. "you mean it?" he asks leaning back to look at you, "i always do, toru. i love you more than anything, and i'm so so fucking proud of you, but you have to know, it's okay to need a break sometimes and it doesn't change who you are as a person and it definitely doesn't make you weak or useless. he nods in response, burrying his head into the crook of your neck. you both stay like that, you whispering words of affirmations, him listening fondly until he feels better a little while later.
tsukishima
— he usually didn't let the stress of professional volleyball get to him like this, but he couldn't help it he would be lying if he said he wasn't overwhelmed, from interviews, to extra practice to prepare for the overseas games he had coming up, he was exhausted, to add onto it all he had been neglecting you and he felt horrible for it.
you knew practice was going to be running late since your boyfriend had told you in advance, so you weren't initially worried as to why kei had been coming home late at night. this night in particular was the fourth night in a row kei been home late and you starting to grow concerned. you hadn't seen him hardly at all that week, which was unusual because he always made time for you no matter what. worried, you decided to stay awake and wait for him to get home.
when the time finally comes, your heart dropped at his appearance, he looked absolutely horrible, as if he hadn't slept right in weeks. "why are you up?" he mumbled, taking his shoes off rather sloppily, uncharacteristic of him. you made your way closer to yoir exhausted boyfriend, "kei, i'm worried about you. i know you don't like me meddling with your career, and please don't misunderstand my concern for that. i'm just worried you aren't getting enough rest and i've barely seen you at all this week." you said, crossing your arms over your chest.
you knew something was wrong when you saw the tear swell in his eyes, but he just stood there awkwardly, you walked closer toward him, "kei, what's wrong?" you ask, extending your arms toward him, which he basically fell into, he started sobbing immediately, shocking you initially. "i'm s-sorry for neglecting you this week, i didn't mean to i-i just-", "kei, i'm not worried about that, i'm worried that you aren't taking care of yourself properly." you mumble, patting his back comfortingly. to which he shakes his head no."work has been too much recently, i can't sleep and i barely have time to even think. its just practice, interviews, practice, interviews i-i can't handle it all anymore, y/n." he sobbed into your shoulder, you were speechless at his vulnerability.
"kei,-", "but i can't stop now because that'll make me a failure and i don't want to let you down and the team too, i just want to make everyone proud but i think i'm falling behind." he cried, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. "kei, you could never let me down. actually, i think i've been letting you down recently, i don't tell you this enough but, i'm so so proud of you kei, so proud you don't even understand, i'm sorry for not expressing that enough to you. i understand that you feel as if you're falling behind but overworking and stressing yourself out isn't going to help you improve, kei, and i know you also know that."
"you're working yourself sick, kei and i can't stand here and continue to let that happen so you're taking a day off whether you like it or not. tomorrow will be a me and you day, how does that sound? i'll call your coach in the morning." honestly, you wouldn't have let him say no anyways, and he knew that so he just nodded his head. "look at me kei, you have to tell me when you're feeling overwhelmed. it's not good to keep things in like this, it's just like you tell me." he nods his head, but avoids eye contact, "and i'm not disappointed or upset at you, you know. but i can't read your mind, so please just tell me when things start to feel like they're crashing down on you 'kay? i'll help you just like you help me." you smile, he looks at you and nods, hugs you closer and whispers an "i love you" into your ear, which you return.
matsuwaka
— you knew his work was stressful and emotionally and mentally exhausting, so there were always worries in the back of your mind that he would become too overwhelmed, well today your worries became reality.
"welcome home issei." you called from the kitchen as your boyfriend walked through the door, though he offered you no response, which made you frown. "issei?-" you gasped when you felt a pair of strong arms sneak their way around your waist, "jesus, issei, you scared me!" you giggle placing your hands atop of his own, but you realized he was not laughing with you. "issei, baby?" concern laced in your tone as you maneuvered your way around to face him, "what's wrong baby?" you ask, taking his face in your hands to wipe at escaping tears.
"work was rough today." was all he said as he melted at the feeling of your thumbs running back and forth on his cheeks. "oh issei, i'm sorry." you mumbled, kissing the tip of his nose lightly, "is there anything i can do to help?" he didn't know why but something inside of him snapped when you asked him that, and sobs escaped his lips, he could only hide his face in the space between your neck and shoulder because for some reason he felt... ashamed to be crying in front of you like this. "please just hold me." he cried, so you did just that, shushimg him when his sobs got violent, rubbing your hand up and down his back soothingly.
the both of you stood there for a good 15 minutes before you spoke up after he had calmed down a bit, "is there anything you need to get off your chest? you don't have to tell me now or even at all but i want you to know that whatever is bothering you, you can tell me, anything at all. i know your job is mentally exhausting and honestly i dont even know how you do it but i dont want you thinking you have to carry the burden of it alone, okay? i'm so proud of you, so so so proud of you issei, i just wanted you to know that."
you felt him nod in the crook of your neck, a soft, "thank you." sounding shortly after, "of course." you responded, kissing his shoulder a few time.he wasn't sure when he would feel completely ready to get things off his chest but he felt loved knowing that you would always be there to comfort him, and for that he was forever grateful.
#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu angst#oikawa toru#oikawa x reader#oikawa x y/n#matsukawa hcs#matsukawa issei#matsukawa x y/n#matsukawa x reader#mattsun headcanons#mattsun x y/n#mattsun x reader#oikawa angst#matsukawa angst#mattsun angst#tsukishima kei#tsukishima hcs#tsukishima x y/n#tsukishima x reader#tsukki x reader#tsukki x y/n#tsukishima angst#tsukki angst#sunni's works 📓
606 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi, I just wanted to say I really appreciate how much you fight for the no solicited criticism thing. I have dyslexia and it's really discouraging to get criticism about grammar and spelling. Which I know is one of the things people try to argue as really 'small' in ways of critiquing fics, but really it's just as bad as anything else.
I spend hours editing my work because I'm so nervous that I will miss use a word or spell it wrong. I use talk to text to check spelling, I ask Siri to spell things for me (which iPhone has serious screwed me over on by updating that feature to be no longer helpful.) I (a grown adult) call my mom who is not even in fandom and ask her to how things are spelled if I can't find it through technology. I completely rewrite sentences or paragraphs just because I and all of my resources can't figure out the word I'm trying to spell. I edit my work on programs that allow me to highlight a word and look it up in the dictionary to make sure the definition matches with what I think I've typed. I spend a lot of time trying so hard to not have spelling mistakes, or use the wrong word. I read things out loud with filter screens, and change fonts to make sure I'm seeing the words correctly. And without fail I miss something. The programs miss something. And people pointing that crap out is so devastating.
I spend a lot of time in life online now (thanks 2020) and I have never felt more self-conscious about my inability to spell, because now it is in everything I do, every interaction is text. Which made criticism about it on fics feel ten times worse. It's hard enough to not be able to play games online because I can't get the spellcheck to guess what I mean, or not be able to text in group messages with friends because I can't read it fast enough to keep up with the conversation. So in an area where I spend hours of effort working on something, to be told I missed something is gut wrenching.
I started putting on my fics requests in the author's notes to leave no criticism (and I tried to say it as nicely as I could. I explained it made it hard for me to want to write. I said I was doing this for fun and criticism ruined that. I left it there because I felt like telling people about my dyslexia was a cop out. I don't owe people that information to make them stop, which is why I'm sending this on anon) and somehow it just seemed to get worse. I started getting "I know you said no criticism, but..." And so I took all my work down. It just wasn't worth it anymore.
Sorry to unload this all on you. I just really wanted to say going through all of your posts about this issue made me feel less alone with it. So thank you.
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry it's happened to so many others too.
People CONSTANTLY try to argue that typos are "small" so it's fine to correct them but anything else is not okay and it's like!!! it's not better!! it's still not okay unless the author says it is okay!! You deserve to have your wishes respected regardless of any personal life situation. You are 100% correct; you do not need a special circumstance to be treated with kindness and respect. That should be the default.
144 notes
·
View notes