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rose-riot-johnson · 1 year ago

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I remember when I was first watching season 5 of My Hero Academia and I remember watching the episodes where they showed atleast pieces of the backstory (if not the full backstory), and all of the backstories I've watched intrigued me. However, in all honesty, Tomura Shigaraki's backstory hits different and has made me realize some similarities between Shigaraki and I, such as itching when stressed. I also have been recently thinking about writing about him recently, as well. I actually never thought I was gonna write a fanfic about him, which I'm not sure why, however I'm definitely looking forward to writing about him right now🧤👁️ So, I hope you enjoy this fanfic with Shigaraki my Tumblr Peeps😁👍

🧤I Just Want The Pain To Go Away👁️ ((Adult) Tomura Shigaraki (aka, Tenko Shimura) x Any Gender Reader)

Genres: Dark Angst (Warning⚠️: Contains Really Dark Parts Of This Fic, Language, Depending on The Reader's Imagination, Murder, Violence, and Blood (and possibly gore)

Your mom was there for you when you needed her, she means well, and she's your friend, however there's the issue, if not some issues. She controlled you on atleast, a couple of your past relationships to the point where two broke up with you, while one of them, you got frightened to the point where you broke up with someone due to fear of abandonment and your mother didn't help, except to only control your decisions and put tons of fears and doubts in your head where you became discouraged from being I relationships period. You vowed to yourself that you will never confide in your mom anymore just to keep her happy, you felt.

However, it all changed one day. You we're all alone in the park sitting all by yourself on a bench when a man with hair colors either greyish blue or white hair (which you were so skittish you couldn't tell the exact hair color), who also looked like he had very chapped skin, including his face, was approaching you, as you're trembling in fear. He was introducing himself as he said, "Hello, it's okay. Don't be scared. I want to be your friend. My name is Tenko Shimura, but call me Tomura Shigaraki, please", then as he held his hand to you as he continued, "Now what's your name, my angel in disguise?". You then felt safe for the first time in a long time due to his presence as you said, "Hi. My name is (Any Gender Reader Name), Mr. Shigaraki sir...". Then you explained about you past relationships and other stuff.

When Shigaraki heard what you said he did got a little angry, however he did apologized for his anger, then he explained, "It just it makes me angry that parents do this to their own children like that! Relationship or not! You don't need to worry, (Any Gender Reader Name), my angel in disguise. I have no intentions on hurting you. I truly feel that your mom is manipulating you, even if she is trying to protect you. If anyone does hurt you, especially your mom, I will decay them to dust. I truly promise, I will makesure no one hurts you again and if they hurt you, I will make damn sure it will be the last time they do! In first sight, I want to take care of you.". You then feel a sense of security with someone for the first time ever, aside from your mom. You then began to realize that Shigaraki is right about your mom. This became a start of a beautiful friendship between you and Shigaraki.

Shigaraki and you did alot together. You're the only person who's not part of the League of Villains that he truly cares about and you basically felt the same way, in a very long time. You're like a precious diamond to him, and as time went by, he became very precious to you as well. While he's the first one to ever treat you like a human being, you treated him like a human being, as well. You started to feel right about being close to him and you even asked him to date you. Ofcourse he told you, yes. You're pretty much the only one he loves in first sight, to be fair.

You never told your mom about Shigaraki, because you knew your mom will smuther you to no end and will want your relationship to be her way only, to the point where your relationship with Shigaraki would be broken up and done for (and it exactly seems like it's exactly how your mom wanted all of your relationships turn out to be, which is the worst part). So, when you do go hangout with and see him, to even get out of your own home, you basically feel like you had to lie to her saying things, such as, "I'm going to the zoo.", "Oh. I'm going for a walk in the woods.", I'm going to go swimming in the river", etc... And when you don't go anywheres, you wait for you mom to leave home and makesure your aware that she will be gone for a few hours before you do invite Shigaraki over to your place. No matter what he has to do, he is always happy to see you, plus he understands how you feel about your mom perfectly well and he hasn't even met her yet.

Shigaraki, even loves you, so much, he even made you some homemade romantic cards for you. You also loved him, so much, you appreciated the cards he got for him, and you always have a special spot where you hide the romantic cards he made for you. Everything he did for you, everytime he got to see you, everytime you got to see him, you name it. All of the memories with him made you feel alive and special and he feels the same way about his memories with you.

On how he learned to use a cellphone, you definitely taught him how to use a cellphone, obviously. You taught him everything you know and all because of you, he has also learned patience with using a cellphone and how to use it. Just, as much as you appreciate everything he does for you, he appreciates everything you do for him, as well.

One night after you got home from one of you date days with Shigaraki, you went to your room to look for all of the homemade romantic cards he made for you, so you can still feel like home, since anything pertaining him or made by him keeps you calm, happy, and sane. When you go look in your special spot, you noticed and became shocked that all of the homemade romantic cards he made for you are not in there. Then you heard an angry voice shouted , "Is there something you're looking for?!", then when you turn yourself around, it was your mom who said this as she was entering your room homemade the remaining homemade romantic card and the most special homade romantic card.

With an angry and smug look on your mom's face, she then stated, "I knew you have been lying to me all along and I warned you that, if I find out you're dating and/or seeing someone behind my back and/or you date someone I approve of, there's going to be hell to pay, young lady!". You started to tremble in fear, however you shouted at your mom saying,"Mom! I'm over twenty one years of age! Stop smuthering me!". Your mom then rolled her eyes then replied, "I don't care about if you're an adult now or not, (Any Gender Reader Name)! You're my child and you're born as, (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as) and you're my child!".

You got upset as you said, "That shouldn't matter. You can't run my life forever, just because I'm your (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as)! Just stop it, please!". You mom then got more angry as she yelled, "Oh, yes, I can, young lady, because this is my fucken, house, and your my fucken, "I don't fucken care how you feel, unless it's something I want to fucken, hear!". You're feeling very stressed and afraid right now, as you knew you had to something, however you're unsure what decision to make yet.

Your mom then took a pillow from the living as she said, "And if you don't do exactly as i fucken tell you and also break up with this man you're with, then I will have to physically smuther you!". Then as you're cellphone rang, your mom grabbed your cellphone knowing it was Shigaraki trying to call you, then she smashed into pieces! You started sobbing as your mom went, now where were we, young lady?!"

Now it's up to the reader to read an ending based on their decision...

👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️

Run into the kitchen (Ending A)

Hide in your room & lock the door (Ending B)

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Ending A...

You then, decided to run in the kitchen, as you're hoping to escape. Unfortunately your mom managed to catch up to you, hitting your head with the living room pillow, so hard you landed on top of a countertop where the silverware is. You mom then said, "You're the one who wanted it this way! If you're gonna refuse to break up with this guy, whoever he is, and stop seeing him, like I told you to! So, you're paying for it now! After I finish smuthering some sense into you, I will use you as bait, then kill whoever he is next!".

Your mother then ran over to the countertop where you landed, the proceeded to use the pillow, to start smuthering you. As she was smuthering you to no end, you could hardly breathe and you knew you had to do something, before she makes you pass out, if not completely kill you. You then grabbed a piece of silverware, you weren't sure what silverware you grabbed at the time, then you hit your mom with it to get her to stop smuthering you, then after she stopped doing so, you noticed she was holding the shoulder you cut her with, then you noticed you were holding the knife.

You knew you were grabbing something. It's just you were shocked it was the knife. Your mom then sobbed as she pleaded, "Please! Don't kill me, (Any Gender Reader Name)! I promise I won't do anything like that again! I only wanted to protect you! Please, let me live?!". You knew she wanted to protect you and you felt sad to make her plead like she did.

You then got thinking deep down, that you don't believe that your mom "won't do anything like that again", because of her anger towards you, everything she said, how she said her words, everything.... You just want all the pain to go away. You knew you had to kill her.

As you're planning to stab your mom, your mom then realizes what your planning, then she continued pleading "What are you doing? Don't you dare! Please?! I'm begging you! Don't do it! Don't you believe me, (Any Gender Reader)?! Nnnooo, nnoo, no, no, no!". You ignored your mom's pleading, as proceed to stab her non-stop. No matter how much your mom pleaded, it didn't change anything that happened before her pleads. You just wanted all your stress to go away, as all you could think of is killing your mom is the only way, all of your stress and misery will end.

You then proceeded to stab your mom, ignoring every plead, every cry, every scream, and anything else that comes out of you, as you continued to stab her, until you know for sure your mom doesn't make any movement, nor sound, nor a pulse beat, nor her heart would beat anymore. All you could think of was your stress. Once your mom was completely killed, you stress was gone and the stabbing stopped, as well.

"I'm sorry, mom. It had to be done. I had to kill you. I'm sure, if I would have letted you live, you would have kept making my life a living hell. I'm tired of living in fear, especially living in fear of every little thing you could do to run my life to hell, especially if I was to die while you're alive. It needed to be done.", you explained. Then you heard a door open. You held the knife, as you're worried someone was coming in to either get revenge on you, or turn you in for jail time, because you killed your mom.

Then you heard a voice say, "It's okay, my angel in disguise. It's only me. Now I see why you haven't answered my call nor called me back.", as it turned out to be non other than, Tomura Shigaraki. He then glanced at your mom, who you killed. He then said, "There's something I need to say about what you did to your mother.". All you could do was stare, at that point. "You see, (Any Gender Reader).", He started to explain, then he continued, "I'm.... Proud... Of... You...", as he started having his evil smile on his face. You felt even more relieved when he told you that.

Shigaraki then carried you away from where you were living in. He knew you felt safer living with him and the other members of the League of Villains, the you would with the mom you killed. And the best part is, you felt you belong with the League of Villains and they treated you very well.

Go to the cursive, "The End"...

👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️

Ending B...

As your mom agrilly went after you with the living room pillow, you ran into your room. By the time your mom got to the room, you slammed the door, then quickly locked the door. You're trying to find a way to escape the house, however the more your mom shouted, screamed, and pounding at the door, the harder it was for you to think properly on how to escape. As your mom's pounding on the door, shouts, and screams escalated, you began to shake more and more, including in your hands (especially, in your fingers).

The more you shake, the closer you are to sobbing. You're so frighted of your mom that escaping was all you could think of. Then you heard the someone breaking in the window. You backed away from the window, because you're afraid there was someone who is in it with your mom to stop you from escaping. Then after the window was busted where someone could get into your room, you then noticed a familiar face.

"I knew something was wrong, when you weren't answering my call!", a familiar voice said, as it turned out to be, non other than Tomura Shigaraki. Pounding on the door, screaming, and shouting, escalated as she yelled loudly, "I better not be fucken, hearing the fucken, window breaking! And I better not been hearing another vioce! I will kill the both of you when I get in the room, because this is my fucken house!". Then you ended up shaking as you started sobbing, next you went to Shigaraki to hug him.

Shigaraki then proceeded to hug you back, then pet you as he was comforting you, then he whispered to you, "It's okay, my angel in disguise. It will be all over soon. Unlock, then the door, because your mother needs to learn manners and to learn what happens if she messes with me. Enough as it is she messed with you and it pisses me off. Let her in.". You did what he requested you to do, then she stormed into the room. "Thank you for letting me in! I just wished, you fucken let me in sooner! After all, it's my fucken house!"

Shigaraki then politely told your mom, "Well, I requested her nicely to unlock, then open the door for you, because I would like to meet you (Any Gender Reader Name)'s mother," as he was trying to be nice to your mom, while holding out his hand out to shake your hand. You mom then said on a rude tone, "Well, I don't want to meet you! No one is good enough to date my daughter and I mean no one! So can take your hand shake and shove it, because this is my fucken, house! (Any Gender Reader Name) is my fucken, (Reader's Imagination of what ((s)he/they) is born with and/or born as), child! I will fucken, run (his/her/their), as I fucken see fit! So I don't give a flying, fuck about how ((s)he/they) feel, unless it's something I want to fucken hear!", the she slapped him right in the face. The only thing that slap did to Shigaraki, was piss him right off.

Tomura Shigaraki, then took both of his gloves off, as he said, "How dare you slap me! I tried being nice and polite to you and this is what you do?! Slap me in the face?! And you dare talk about your own daughter like that?! Shame on you?!". "I can fucken, do whatever I fucken, want, because this is my fucken house and this is my fucken child!!!". Frequent cursing like that and the whole "This is my fucken" sayings, including the "This is my fucken, house" sayings are making things worse and pisses him off even more, so he had enough, of your mom already.

Shigaraki, then went to use his decay on your mom, as he put one of his hands on her. Then as the decaying process on your mom escalates gradually, he said, "It's nice to want to protect your child and all, however just because ((s)he/they) is your doesn't mean you own (him/her/them). I don't mean, (Any Gender Reader Name) is suppose to do everything ((s)he/they), however you're not your child's dictator with (his/her/their) whole life! And after I tried to be nice to you, you slapped me in the face! This is what you get for messing with the both of us! Not just me! Not just, (Any Gender Reader Name)! Both of Us! And I'm just the wrong guy for you to mess with! You should have been nicer about things, instead.". Your mom then knew she was gonna die, as the decaying kept escalating gradually. She eventually was decayed to dust.

"I'm sorry, you had to see me decay your Mom like that, my angel in disguise. I'm worried she's dragging you to hell, the way she has been doing so. I had to do so, to ensure I keep my promise that if anyone does hurt you, I will decay them to dust and to makesure no one hurts you again and if they were to do so, I will make damn sure it will be the last time they do, and that includes your mother. And her slapping me in that face as she got rude with me, after I was trying to be polite, then keeps using her sayings on top of that, has pissed me right off, even worse. I do hope you will forgive me, for decaying her like that.", he explained as he was apologizing to you. You then replied, "It's okay, my love. There's nothing to forgive.". He became surprised and confused with what you meant by what you said, then you lifted your head with an evil smile, "With her gone now, my stress and misery is over now.". He then knew what you meant, as he is surprised you felt better about yourself after he decayed your mom, as he did. He's also surprised that your reaction to her death was much better than you could ever imagine.

At that moment Shigaraki grabbed your hand, then the both of you ran away from where you were living in. You finally felt freedom from this moment on. He introduced you to the other members of the League of Villains and you knew you'd be one of them. You just knew, your life would be much better with all them, including your love, Shigaraki, than you ever did with your mom.

Go to the cursive, "The End"...

🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤👁️🧤

The End

I do apologize for making both of the endings dark, as I made them, while having both ending involving murder, my Tumblr Peeps😅 I'm a little bit indecisive about which ending to fully pick out, so I decided to put both endings for this fanfic, then decided to have the reader make a decision to pick out, that way there, they can go to an ending based on the what they decide on. I'm not sure, if any fanfic writers has written fanfics with more than 1 ending before or not, however I did play a video game or so that does possibly involve more than 1 ending. I also did read about a few video games having 2 or more endings depending on gamers decisions, or what happens in the game, etc... So I figured that due to not being able to decide on which ending of the 2, to put in this fanfic, it will be the 1st fanfic I've ever written about that has more thsn one ending. To warn you, there are plenty of differences with both endings, despite of the similarities between the 2 endings. And also despite of this fanfic being, possibly 1 of my darkest fanfics, if not the darkest fanfic, I have ever written about, I still hope you enjoy this fanfic, my Tumblr Peeps😁👍

#angst #shigaraki tomura #boku no hero academia tomura #tomura shigaraki #tomura shigiraki x reader #shigaraki #shigaraki fanfiction #my hero academia shigaraki #shigaraki angst #mha shigaraki #shigaraki imagine #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki x reader #dark angst

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freyito · 1 year ago

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putting this out there as well, please never be afraid to request ftm. i am a trans man and i will admit i love writing amab because gender envy! but also lowkey, even if i have to get forced to write it, writing for ftm readers makes me. accept myself more??? if that makes sense??? like i hate my body and bro i wanna be born a cis man so bad but also... simply writing "hey reader is dysphoric. boys love them regardless" helps a lot. obvi i have a lot of fic/headkanons/drabbles/anything in my queue that im gonna write for. but it's also comforting knowing people aren't afraid to request it either. so please please please never be afraid to request that, im actually having so much fun with the prompts. lowkey each one i write feels so affirming and also gives me better gender envy if that makes sense final word 2 those who follow my blog that are ftm (or masculine presenting, leaning, whatever!), i really mean it when i say i believe there is no definition of masculinity. please know it is okay to feel dysphoric, and it is okay to present however you'd like regardless. fuck man, sometimes i miss dressin up in skirts & dresses. i am pretty AND handsome and no one should feel like they have to be put in one or the other. everyone feels differently. being comfortable in your body takes so much time. i'm pre-t, and probably will be for a couple years. i feel feminine as fuck, my voice feels so high pitched, my body feels so feminine (unfortunately blessed with a nice rack), my hair is considered long and a feminine length, yet. my friends have told me constantly for about 2 years that i am their BOY i am the GAY GUY of the group. and that maybe some slipped up in the beginning (like 2 months into me actually talking to them) but they will always see me as a guy regardless. and it rubbed off on me! maybe it's my flat affect, but i feel like my voice sounds much more androgynous, i dress masculine, i feel seen as masculine. of course, i have times where i feel the complete opposite and i don't feel like myself at all. but they are there for me. don't feel discouraged because you're pre-anything. or if you struggle with dysphoria more. you are a man, and as long as atleast you know who you are, then it shouldn't matter. you know, it's funny! my mother came from chicago, she was the black sheep of the family. and my dad came from the ass crack of oklahoma. guess who's going to be the best man for my dad's wedding? me! and guess who doesn't have a mom anymore lol. not trauma dumping, but a little experience i wanted to share. i was so taken aback when my dad just accepted me as is. and i want everyone to know that there are people out there like that, family, friends, strangers, partners, etc.

#kacpyposting

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omends · 2 years ago

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okay but like, when and WHY did people stop doing these ? I remember feeling so excited every time I was included in one, and I remember all the cool blogs and people I discovered through checking them out. well, terrible graphic aside, I am here to hopefully continue the tradition of follow forevers. first and foremost, I love ALL of my mutuals and followers ! owo please don't be discouraged if you don't find yourself on this list, I'm doing this on the fly and we all know my memory is shit so I'm bound to forget someone. but I'm not lying when I say I love and appreciate you all ! thank you for following me and tolerating me on your dash. <3 you are always welcome here / with me.

first up, the MVPs of my dash !

@fortunefavours || mel is my absolute best friend, like. we have been writing for over 4 years ! I don't think I'd still even BE roleplaying on tumblr if it weren't for her. she has always loved and supported me unconditionally... humored my 3 am meta spews, shipped with me, written all the aus, celebrated our birthdays and holidays together. she isn't really active on tumblr anymore - we do stuff on Discord mostly - but I couldn't imagine making one of these without listing her first, so

@macveigh || another of my long-standing friends in the tumblr rpc. molly is so kind and passionate, her lore and worldbuilding are rich and morgan is just genuinely a great, heartfelt character. I know molly has worked really hard on her and I am so honored to have been a part of that developmental journey. just, another person I couldn't miss on this list. we love and support in this house.

@magioffire & @manenimittliv || you guys are getting put together because a) you've both been with me a LONG ass time and I appreciate that a lot, and b) because your characters fucking ROCK. you've both put so much time and effort and love into your muses and lore and it shows. I also know you've both had your struggles in recent years, but I'm glad to see you still kicking here on tumblr.

@mooneternyl || trahearne and kenzi are fucking ICONS and im still just ksjsjsj because we're mutuals and I feel so out of my league. but I love talking with them, plotting and shipping with them, and im excited to be able to write with them. a pleasure and an honor, it really is. we love and support in this house.

@touchedsky & @huntershowl || you guys are getting put together because I love you both and was so fucking happy to rediscover your blogs ! not only that, but joey and raine have been absolute inspirations for me. I aspire to have the level of creativity and writing skill that they do, I just really look up to them both as creators. and also I love their characters a shit ton, and my characters love their characters a shit ton. just a whole lot of love for these two.

now, for some quick shoutouts ! these are in no particular order, btw !

@luposcainus || absolutely fanatastic. im sorry I suck at plotting :,D im v excited to interact with you and love having you on my dash.

@frstwomn || just started following / interacting, but hi, I love you, thank you for bringing positivity and love to my dash ON TOP OF an amazing character

@cripplemagics / @hollowichor || thank you for bringing representation and awareness to the dash. you are doing good and probably hard work and I just want you to know I appreciate it a lot, so thank you.

@streetslost / @bloodcrave || I know you have more URLs but my memory sucks so... just know you are great and I love your characters

@celestieu || we love bunny and maddie in this house, that is all

@nezemnyy / @vtratasebe || you are cool af and I love your characters

@sanatoris || I know you have other URLs and that you aren't super active anymore, so just... I love your characters and miss having you on my dash

@defiantclairvoyant / @felinesensed / @thcyfight / @witchyheroines || we haven't interacted because I genuinely suck, but know that I see you and appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash. all the hugs, don't let the rpc stop you from sharing your creativity and loving your characters, okay ?

@thebestplayer / @lesoleilavole / @iblogaboutit / @liarincommand / @createsowndemons || super fucking quality right here folks !

@entersatan / @fromtower / @fromdreaming / @abandonroots || you are very creative and I love all your ideas and characters !

@breaksmen / @assumednothing || more quality right here ! I love having you on my dash, and I'm very excited to start interacting with illyana

@soleiltm / @miscxllany || you and your characters are icons, I love them all

@akeron & @rblgltch || your universe and lore is so fucking cool ! I am very excited to interact with you both and get involved in your universe and lore !!

@ghoststained / @gracesmuggled || we love and support in this house

@hebled || you are so fucking cool and quality, very excited to interact !!

@dehvils || firstly, thank you for being patient with me. secondly, we love and support in this house. very excited to write with you !

@nykrose & @immergrun & @batteredoptimist || idk you all have a similar nature magic / lowkey faerie vibe ? so just want to say I love and live for it.

@thxwxlf || you are both cool and quality. we love and support in this house.

@dutyworn / @smokedanced || you have just been so fucking nice and supportive and we haven't talked or interacted at all, and I really appreciate it. you just seem really chill and nice and you are a great and refreshing presence on my dash for it.

@vxctorx || okay but I love our plots and ship, and I'm excited to explore them more with you. also, you took and love a very unknown and underappreciated character which I respect a lot, especially since you're so passionate about him.

@griim & @unsnare || similar badass female muse vibe, we love and support you both in this house.

last but not least, a big thank you to all my followers, whether you've been here a while or we just started following each other. I appreciate you all. I know I am slow and forgetful, but I'm doing my best, and I look forward to interacting with you all in the new year.

also this is safe to reblog also also, more positivity like this in 2023 pls !

#《 ° ooc ; selkie.exe 》 oh im trash just not approved trash #safe to reblog !#i dont know if this will ping everyone but... yeah here it is

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cellythefloshie · 11 months ago

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How often do you post?

As a writer myself I feel inadequate when I see people post a ton. I’m trying to get the second chapter out on my first series but it’s taking forever the first chapter was posted a month ago. I feel bad for my readers. -🦩

I don't really have a set posting schedule anymore. If I have the content, I would try to post 2 times a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) but in the reality of it all, I rarely have that much content to push out these days.

In 2023, my muse and writing time was very inconsistent, and it can be seen in the chart below that displays my posts per month for 2023 - this includes fics and imagines (but does not include NSFW Alphabets).

As you can see, there are months where I posted less than 5 times (January, June, August, October, November and December) others more than 16 (March). Those low post months can be very discouraging, especially when you see people posting a lot of fics in a short period of time - ex this holiday season I saw a lot of people writing anthology collections for the holidays. They were posting almost daily! And here I was struggling to get 3 fics out! And that's a completely natural feeling to have. Sometimes it just takes longer to make content and that's okay!

There are so many factors that come into play when you get to write and post. Work, family, friends, wellness, motivation. They will all cut into your writing time. And please remember, that all of those thing should be a priority before a blog on Tumblr. This is a hobby, for fun, this is not a job. With that said, let me show you how those things influenced my writing in 2023 by comparing 2 months: April and December. The following are my stats for April:

I wrote 5 imagines for my 300 Follower Celebration and posted 5 fics for Road Wife and one Stand Alone Fic: Daddy Dunn. The shortest post was 528 words, the longest being 7735. The Average Word Count was: 2334 Words.

During this time, I was working 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. My job was not demanding, with a lot of downtime that allowed me to write multiple short fics during my work day.

April is also a month that is not busy for me, I have no family obligation (birthdays, anniversaries etc). which gave me more free time after working hours to write. Burn out was non existent.

The following are my stats for December:

I wrote 3 fics in December. I had no events active on my blog this month - yes, I've been avoiding finishing my 500 follower celebration posts but I swear I will get those done in 2024. ANYWAY. The Shortest fic was 826 words, the longest being 12,164. The Average Word Count was: 4753.

During this time, I was training at a new job, working 8:30am - 4:00pm. I spent many of my evenings studying. I no longer had time to write during work with the exception of the occasional work break. I also began the transition to working shift work. Burnout has been high (since October/November which also saw me writing 2 and 3 fics respectively) Which means I have also been focusing more on my self care and other hobbies that are a little less taxing.

December is also a busy month in regards to family with needing to shop for Christmas, celebrating Christmas, as well as the new year.

Now, this has been a very long and very detailed way to sum up one single statement - how often you post will be dependent on the writer and often things out of their control. But I did want to show how variable those things can be instead of just spouting off random factors without proof as to how things have influenced my ability to write and post.

Feel free to reach out again if you have any further questions!

#celly answers #;;🦩asks

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written-in-flowers · 1 year ago

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Okay, so this isn't an easy post for me to make. I've definitely flip flopped on whether I'd actually do it or not, but after talking to some friends and venting frustrations, I've made a decision:

I'm not going to post fics on Tumblr anymore.

I'll still be writing, of course, but I plan to exclusively post them on Archive of Our Own.

Because Tumblr, at the end of the day, is not a fanfiction website. It's a social media one, and I'm sorry, but I'm not a content creator. I'm not the type to be turning out fics and writings all the time, because let's be honest, the only way to stay "relevant" and get notes and comments is if you're posting constantly and I don't do that. Not to mention, the tagging system on this site is total crap. I hate having to constantly be playing with them for it to show up in my tags.

I feel like I have to "market" my fics for people to read them on here. I have to have a pretty moodboard or header, which I already suck at. I have to write down tons of info aside from just a title and summary. Fanfiction on this site feels like a business. I have to write what people want to read or otherwise I feel immensely discouraged. I have no way of knowing whether people are actually reading since not everyone likes/reblogs, and even then there's no proof they read it either. On Ao3, I get proper stats, comments, and even just a hit count to know if people have read it. Not everything does well over there, but at least I don't feel so fucking miserable afterwards. I put a lot of effort, time, and pride into my fics, so it sucks when I feel they're not being received well on certain platforms.

This doesn't mean I'm leaving forever. I still will reblog and talk to whoever messages me, but as for posting my work, it'll be over on ao3 now. If you still want to be updated on my stuff, you're free to subscribe to me on AO3 and you get emails whenever I post something.

I know most of you aren't going to care, because there are other, better authors on here, but for that small cluster of people who do read my tumblr fics, I'm sorry. This is just not it for me anymore.

#flowers speaks #tumblr shit #fanfiction #fanfic problems #fanfic writing #going my own way lol #see putting tags that won't reach anyone because tumblr's tagging system sucks

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the-force-awakens · 2 years ago

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hello, please feel free not to answer this if you don't want to, I wasn't sure if it was okay to ask. I was just wondering if you still write fic? I've always really enjoyed your writing and I haven't seen you post it in a while. I don't want to pry or anything so I'll understand if you don't answer. Thank you either way, hope you're doing well. 💙💜

🥺🥹 thank you for the kind words, love! I'm glad you've enjoyed my fics in the past, it means so much to hear that 🫶

As for whether I still write fic...well that's a question with a complicated answer. I do still on occasion write for canon dynamics or fics about my oc, and all of those go up on my ao3, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that you probably mean reader fic.

As for that, I don't know. I hate to be an echo chamber and reiterate what so many other people have said, but lately I've been discouraged by a lack of comments on my fic. I don't particularly care for notes/reblogs, but hearing from lovely readers are the entire purpose of me even sharing my fic (I write it for myself, I'll post it to ao3 to back it up, but on here I'm very much just wanting to share my half of the popsicle, y'know?).

In a lot of ways, it comes down to my frustration about a lack of sense of community anymore in this section of the internet, and because I'm going through it a little bit with writer's block and feeling as if I'm just extremely repetitive with story concepts — and also, I feel like what I want out of fics is staggeringly different from the current norm in x reader fics (I definitely know my characterizations are).

All that said, I do miss writing reader fic! I even mentioned to a friend the other day after going through the fic tag for one of my faves that I kind of wanted to pick it up again just so I could write smth that scratched the very particular itch I had...but then it always comes back down to "but is it worth it?" I haven't found an answer to that one yet, but...never say never?

#ask box #nonnie nonnie #🫶 again ty for the kind words lovely #nondescript thoughts floating around my head is also my frustration about my friend #*friends' fics not getting many comments either despite being wonderfully talented #and also even tho its a hobby geared and practically tailor made for someone who is aroace and autistic....#frankly that corner of the internet does not quite feel so welcoming or like i belong so 🤷🏻‍♀️#it's just a whole big thing in my head sorry i couldnt answer it more eloquently <33 #I've been sticking to oc fic simply cos. ghfhddkd i know no one's gonna read it anyway so no need to get my hopes up

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moonybamboony · 2 years ago

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for the most part this is a great post, but i feel like there's some "cane users are capable too!" statements in here that just don't apply to all or even most of us.

"Cane users can run & walk fast" is not universal. Certainly some can, but the majority of us have disabilities that slow us down, and can make running a bad idea or impossible. I can't easily run. Falling behind friends/family who can walk faster than I can is an everyday thing for me. (And ofc this isn't universal either - as OP said, there's a wide range of reasons people use canes.)

Same thing about cane users being faster on slopes. It's not usually the case. Having a stick in my hand isn't a benefit that outweighs my legs being weak and in pain. Stairs and steep hills are the worst

On that note, people who use canes don't have our disabilities erased just by having a cane. They're a mobility aid. They're not a complete mobility fixer. Don't give a disabled character a cane and think they can suddenly function just the same as an able-bodied person.

It's ok for there to be activities that are very difficult or out of the question for your disabled character. The meaning of a disability is that there are things you can't do!

unrelated points I wanted to add,

Magically curing a chronic disability is definitely an irritating trope, but a character using a cane temporarily is not always a bad thing! Often times people use a cane for an injury that they eventually heal from and then don't need the cane anymore. That isn't a bad thing to write, it's just a real thing that happens, and you can definitely write it without making it seem like the character was worth less with a disability.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from writing a character who's always in pain. That's just a fact of life for a whole lot of us. It's very possible to write without making it into a constant angst fest or inspiration porn

Having a character use a cane to make them appear weak, only to throw it away to go "Aha, I had you fooled!" is such a tiring trope. I hope I don't really need to say this but please don't do that.

related, and this one might be more personal, but I'm tired of the sword inside a cane trope. I swear so many able bodied people on this website just love cane sword trope. (I posted a picture of myself to show off a skirt, completely unrelated to my cane in the pic, and got an anon ask telling me they wished i had a cane sword ?? like...) It wouldn't really work in most cases, and to me it shows people feeling a need to 'justify' the cane by making it suddenly cooler. It's okay for a disability aid to just be a disability aid. There doesn't need to be any gotcha to it. We're already cool.

And a just couple more details from every day life for your cane using characters!

Having only one free hand sucks. Using a cane? One hand. Cane user holding something? No hands. Cane user and already don't have use of one hand? No hands. Using two canes or crutches? No hands!!

Canes get dirty. Your hands touch things and then touch your cane handle all day long. Canes need to be cleaned and sanitized just like phones! (please sanitize your phone..)

Anti homeless architecture sucks ass, I can never find a bench. I'm sitting on the floor all the time at train stations and the like and it's gross and sometimes hard to get up.

Most people with mobility disabilities have good days and bad days. Think about what that means for your character!

I call my cane babygirl.

How to write a cane user character

(Written by a cane user)

A few months ago, I wrote a small guide on good disabled characters and why they were good that gathered quite the attention, and I thought that doing another more specific guide this time would be interesting for writers or just people that are curious ! This guide will include general informations, some things to do, some things to avoid and some ideas that might revolve cane users's lives.

Things to know about cane users

Cane users are pretty diverse, and putting us in little boxes usually isn't the best idea if you want to make a character that has substance and isn't just "the disabled one". Here some infos about cane users that might be helpful knowledge !

Canes don't have ages. Most cane users in media are portrayed to be old, but truly, anyone can have the need to wield a cane ! I've been using mine ever since I was 17.

Can users can have a large variety of problems for their canes. Some canes are used to avoid pain from effort. Some canes are used for balance purposes. Some canes are to make walking less exhausting (works the same as walking sticks !) And sometimes, it's multiple problems at once.

Not everyone needs their cane 24/7. Some always need it, some can make small efforts without it but overall often need it, and some people, like me, can spend quite a lot of time without it. I almost never use my cane in my house, and mostly take it outside !

People with canes can run. We're not necessarily slow, I'm even faster than a lot of my friends.

Not using a cane can come with consequences, but not always. Some people might be able to walk without a cane but then suffer horrible consequences, but for others, canes are just a commodity for specific occasions.

Canes don't have to be looked down upon. Look at some characters with canes that look cool as hell ! Arsène Lupin, Roguefort Cookie, Brook ... Their canes serve their style !

We can be pretty healthy. Some people can have canes just because they were born with a bent leg and that's it. Our cane doesn't define our health status.

Canes aren't a curse. Think of them as something positive. It's a tool to make our lives better. You don't see someone sitting on a chair and think "awh, it's sad that they need a chair". It's more something like "hey it's cool that this chair is here so they can sit down"

Things to do

Make them use their cane. And when I mean use, I mean that canes are just funky long sticks usually made out of metal. Have fun with it ! Let them use it as a weapon ! Trust me, one hit in the knees with a cane and you're DOWN. Use it to reach stuff that's too high for everyone ! Have fun. Be creative.

Let them decorate their cane. It's an extension of their body ! You usually put on clothes that you like, don't you ? It's the same for a cane. If they like cutesy stuff, let them paint in it pastel colors ! If they like a more flashy style, add some stickers on it ! If they're a fancy person, give them a beautiful crafted cane with jewels on it !

You can make them a little shy or uneasy about their cane. Some people don't feel worthy of confident enough to wield one. It's not rare to see people think they're "not disabled enough to do so"

But on the other hand, you can do the complete opposite !! Make them proud of that cane ! Make them act like they're feeling pretty and more confident with it ! One thing i like to think about with my own cane is that I look like a cool gentleman. That boosted my confidence immensely.

Things to avoid

Don't make it their whole world. And by that, I do not mean that their cane shouldn't be a defining trait of their personality. Think of Toph from ATLA. She is blind, and you usually can't think of her character without describing her as blind. However, that isn't her entire personality trait. Make cane users have a goal in life, friends who enjoy them for who they are and not just pity them, have fun ... Don't just make them the disabled one.

Don't try to make the character's life just a plain disaster unless it's the focus of your story and you really know what you're talking about. Having a character who's always in pain, who feels bad about relying on their cane and/or who's angry at the entire world for being disabled is a REALLY tricky subject to use if you don't want them to be either a mass of unhappiness and angst for no good reason or some inspirational porn of the character who inside is deeply tortured but outside keeps up a facade because they shouldn't cry to avoid making others uneasy.

Do not, and I repeat, do NOT try to heal them, especially in a magical way. Bad idea. A lot of disabled people's goal isn't to be healed. It's to live a normal life. Making it so the ultimate goal for them is to be healed makes it as if they were worthless as long as they were disabled. Making their situation better physically or mentally is one thing. Curing them completely is really bad. "But some disabled folks want to be cured !" True, true. But if you are able bodied, I'm not sure if you can have the right mind to understand all of the complex details about this situation that leads to someone's life choices and the end result may look like you think the only thing that can make disabled people happy is being freed from their condition. I think it's best to just avoid it altogether. If you need a more nuanced idea, try to give them a solution that still has a few downs ! For exemple, a prosthetic that feels like a real arm, acts like a real arm and basically replaces it perfectly is a full cure. But a prosthetic that takes time to adjust to, needs repairs sometimes and doesn't look 100% like an arm can be a better narrative choice

Smaller thing, but don't make the handle uneasy to wield if you draw the character design. You can decorate most of the cane, but if you have chunky spiky decorations on the place you're supposed to clench your hand over, you're gonna hurt yourself. I've seen quite a lot of jewel handles or sculpted metal handles and usually their not good. If it's detailed metal, your hand will end up cramped in little parts and it can hurt. If it's a jewel, it's so easy for it to slip out of your hand it's unpractical.

List of tropes/ideas of scenes/details about canes to help you write new situations !

If you walk with a cane during winter, you can't put your hand in your jacket to get warm and there's a high chance your hand will get freezing. So after a long walk, you get an excuse for another character to hold their hand and warm them up.

If the handle is metallic, you get the opposite problem during summer. You can burn yourself so easy ! Easy accident if you want someone to help and get closer to the disabled person without it necessarily involving their disability.

Canes are SUPER useful when you're walking upon heights. They make things really easy, just like hiking poles on mountains ! I live on volcanoes and whenever we clim on a harsh slope, I'm always the first to get up there. Good moment for your character to get a boost of confidence if they get all the way up somewhere before their friends !

The first time using your cane feels magical. If you have chronic pains, it makes you feel like your pain disapear. If you can't walk right, it feels like everything is suddenly alright. The moment where a character chooses to wield a cane can be huge for character development. It's a moment of fear because of the impact a cane has on their appearance, but also a moment of confidence and relief.

Canes fall. All the time. And after a while, it becomes fucking comical. Trust me, putting a cane against the wall, seeing it fall and doing it three times again in a row while it doesn't want to stay up makes you embarrassed but also makes you want to laugh because of how stupid it looks.

When you get a cane, you stop being invisible. When you walk outside, generally speaking, people don't look at you. They don't care about you. But when you get a cane, people start to stare at you for no other reasons that you have a cane. Half of them are just curious, especially if you're young. The other half has a very specific look. The "oh, you poor thing" look. Which is, trust me, particularly awful to get, especially when you're just existing and doing nothing special. How does your character react to this ? How do they feel about it ?

I believe that is all I had in mind. I may add some more details in the future if I get other ideas, but this should already be a good start. I would be thrilled to answer questions if you have some, either in my askbox or through DMs.

I will tag this post with characters holding canes that aren't necessarily considered cane users but that some people may be interested in writing as such. Feel free to tell me if you'd like to see tags being added !

Edit : I'm highly encouraging everyone to look at the tag section under this post where a lot of other can users are sharing their experiences !!

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joybreathingdragon · 1 month ago

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Yesterday I talked about how doing something hard is good for one's mental health and in fact, when I need to feel good about myself, I intentionally do something hard because it feels good to work through the process and be successful.

Today I want to talk about the conjoined buddy of doing something hard...living to tell about it.

When you do something that truly is hard for you, there will be times when you are so tired and you want to quit. You wonder what you were thinking. You may even do some destructive self-talk about how stupid you are and how stupid this thing is. Quitting can look like the sane option, which is why folks think this is actually bad for your mental health, but it isn't.

Thinking about quitting is actually good mental health.

Thinking about quitting looks at the pain you are in and asks if it is reasonable for the goal you are trying to achieve.

Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes the sane thing is to quit. I will talk about that tomorrow.

But if you are going to do something really hard and not quit when you hit the wall that says you just can't do this anymore, you are going to need survival skills.

Here are some of the ways I protect my mental health when I am doing something hard.

I don't know what your hard thing is, but make it measurable so you can see progress. For me, I am walking every day. I have a chart where I write down my time and distance. My goal isn't to go further or faster right now. My whole goal is to walk.

Have a support group to cheer you on, even if that is your dog or cat. I am really cautious about who I share my goals with because I've had too many critical people in my life that got perverse pleasure from point out people's imperfections. I protect my mental health by not giving those folks a place to talk. Sometimes I share my goals with close friends, and sometimes I don't. Like right now, I haven't told folks about my walking every day, so I don't have human cheerleaders, but Semper is thrilled to see me every time I walk in that door, and I interpret her tippy tap dances, spins, and bouncing as her being proud of my diligence. She is a fantastic cheerleader.

Focus on how far you've moved, not how far you have to go. I tend to hit points where I am tired, look at how far I am from finishing, and feel pointless. I have to intentionally look at what I've accomplished in order not to become discouraged.

Be proud of yourself for what you accomplish. It really is okay to feel good about yourself. It is actually good for you to feel good about your accomplishments. There is a glorious little neurotransmitter in your brain called dopamine that is automatically released when you achieve a goal. That is what helps you face doing hard things again. it is what keeps you going sometimes, so achieving a goal should feel good, and being proud of your accomplishments isn't arrogance. Arrogance is when you think you are better than someone else. Not the same thing at all.

If you stumble, get back up and keep going, and, yes, you get to be proud of getting back up and keeping going. THAT is also a win because getting up is a hard thing.

Get a journal or program or notebook and write down your achievements every day because there will be days when you are exhausted and only see how far you still have to go. This can help you refocus after you've had a chance to nap and eat. Write down what you are proud of, the progress you've made, how good it feels to know you can do hard things and succeed. I have a chart that keeps track of my walking, time and distance, and sometimes on particularly hard days when I am stiff and sore, I will write my time and distance and then write, "Great job, Jerri! I am so proud of you!"

By the way, saying positive things out loud actually increases the feel good. Hype yourself up. You've earned it.

Also, I have determined not to criticize myself when I am doing hard things and hit that place of pain or exhaustion. Instead, I have committed to saying positive things to myself. Things like, "I know you are tired, but you are bigger than the tired. I know your muscles hurt. That is because you are fierce enough to do what it takes to make them stronger. Head up. You are being strong and fierce. Keep that head up. I am so proud of your determination. I am so proud of you for not quitting. I am so proud of you for not taking shortcuts. You are doing a good job." Basically, anything I would tell one of my kids, a friend, or a life coaching client, I tell me. You know why? Because I have a right to hear them, and I am the one standing there with the voice to say them.

I also make sure I get enough sleep, which sometimes means strategic naps, and I eat well. Tired and physically weak athletes are easy targets.

And sometimes I pull out the secret weapon.

I have been an only parent for years, and being pretty capable, I have done a lot of DIY projects, some of which have been physically exhausting which made them mentally exhausting, too. One day I was doing something that wasn't working well and had required a ridiculous number of tries, and I was ready to throw tools through walls, and my son asked if he could help. I looked up at him from my slumped place on the floor and said, "Tell me I'm pretty and I'm doing a good job." He said, "You are BEAUTIFUL, and you are doing a GREAT job." Now when one of us are trying to accomplish something and are ready to scream or throw something, one of the others will slip in, "You are beautiful/handsome, and you are doing a great job." And it is amazing how that small thing can recharge the whole being instantly.

When you plan to do something hard, it's always good to have a strategy to get through those moments when you hate the project, you hate life, and you hate yourself. These are some of the things I do to keep myself mentally healthy doing hard things.

What are some of your "I hate this and wanna quit" survival skills?

#collegestudents #highschoolstudents #jerrikelley #collegelife #conversations #you matter #hope #inspiration #do hard things #whenyouwanttoquit #mental heath #mental health survival skill #don't quit #keep going #youcandohardthings

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angelbluediary · 2 years ago

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Okay. Maybe I will indulge my inner child today, even though she shouldn't be at the wheel.

My adult self needs to sweep and clean, needs to do laundry, needs to hunt for more jobs and send lots more applications, needs to brush out her hair and text people back and budget and get groceries and organize vet documents and develop a moving plan and and and ---

But my adult self is hanging on by a thread, and my inner child is wailing. She needs to be held. She needs to cry and laugh in the open, messy way children do, the way they feel their emotions so vividly that there is no other option than to express them all in dizzying sequences.

I need the world to fall away. I need time to stop. I just need to be little and not have to worry about feeding myself and competing for labor and shouldering everything on my own. I need a delicious full night's sleep, with both bedtime and wakeup decided by my body, and I deserve to have that repeated. To create routines that center me, that are undisturbed by the outside world. To have space and quiet to create those routines.

Because as it is, and as it has been, I feel utterly discouraged from trying to take better care of myself. And yet I keep trying, because it's all I have. Stolen moments with the world still crashing into my little space at any second, any time of day. Even with my ears plugged up with music.

I make healthier eating choices and promptly fall sick.

I make plans with people and go out just to be talked over.

I finally confront my neighbor, and then the noise underneath gets worse so I confront that neighbor too, and just when I think things might be bearable, a new family moves in and the daily unavoidable commotion slides back into place.

I'm sick to death of myself for making all the same complaints. I'm sick every time I hear myself speak and negativity pours out because I'm just so exhausted and my cup is empty and people still expect me to come out and socialize and be fucking normal when nothing about this past year has been normal. I feel endlessly punished for doing what was best for me. I feel punished for choosing what was hard but right. I feel punished for finally getting my act together and taking calculated risks that should have paid off. I feel punished for daring to depend on things that had been an unchanging constant in my life for years.

So anyway. My inner child is so demanding of my attention that she's threatening to break loose, without restraint. To shove my adult self into the backseat. And that's not the way things should go -- and my inner child can't be properly sated because all the adult things, the foundational things, haven't been completed. It's like how you should clean your room and make your environment nice before you take hallucinogens; when you let go of control, when you just feel and experience, you need a space able to hold you well.

The space I've tried to make a home always feels a bit hostile. Because it's not just mine. What I experience in here is not wholly on my terms, even when the door never opens. I have little to no control. And after a year of struggling and stretching and begging for just enough money to permit existing, all while trying to retain what makes me me, and seeming normal, and trying to find a groove -- I am just so tired. I am tired. So now I don't want to write another cover letter (how can I anyway? When I spend hours plugging in every relevant key word I can think of and still can't find a job that won't steal my will to live? When my Master's degree only attracts offers from auto repair shops and Best Buy??). I don't want to clean. I don't want to move. I don't want to cry anymore but that's all I can seem to do with any success nowadays.

I just need an escape. I need someone. I need to be loved. I keep letting go of my simple dreams, like having a friend group I do things with, to prioritize what I absolutely need, like a steady income. I let go of the idea of falling in love ANY time soon. I let go of the want to live somewhere beautiful and cool. I just want peace and quiet and security. I just want my foundation settled. My base financial needs something I can easily cover, month after month.

And I should be grateful today, because I have enough in my bank account to cover this month's bills and sparse groceries, and I didn't think I would. I still have a little time to work things out.

But oh god, what I'd give for someone who loves me dearly to say "go shower while I clean your apartment, I'm bringing you some home cooked food, we're going to cuddle and watch a movie on your laptop." Someone to hold me close and let me cry it out and reassure me things will be okay. Have I gotten that even once this past year, that easy reassurance? In November, when my mom and I had that nasty argument that ended with exhausted tears... I don't think that counts. That was ugly and painful and I felt stupid for making truths out of assumptions. No, what I want is to be acknowledged for all I've been carrying, and to be allowed to set that weight down for a little while and just let go in the arms of someone who cares about me.

I need more than some texts that try to be helpful but just come across as condescending.

And I've tried to initiate more phone calls and audio messages but my voice betrays me, it quivers and falls apart so easily. When I speak with a heavy heart, I burst into tears. And I don't feel comfortable enough to reach out like that, knowing the response I get will just make me feel more embarrassed.

I did look into "free therapy" that is not actually free like it's been marketed, plus I'm no longer a sex worker, as I so publicly declared. I can't bring myself to regret it. Nothing in me wants to perform anymore. I can't muster up the energy at even the idea, no matter the guarantee of instant money. Not the money I've needed for the past year, but better than the nothing I have right now.

I don't want to spend the last years of my youth all alone.

I don't want to spend this time of my life bitter and isolated and increasingly scared of the future.

I've gotten through all the other things that scared me, though, right? I used to tremble behind the steering wheel, used to feel like I was gonna throw up at the idea of driving. Crossing the easiest intersection was like winning a marathon race. Years later, I enjoy driving.

I used to never be single because I couldn't fathom being alone, being without someone to kiss me and compliment me and fill my head with romance. Even if I knew I wasn't in love with them and never would be. I used to endure so many red flags and unacceptable treatment because the relationship was otherwise good and widely accepted by others and maybe it was just my fault for being too sensitive. But then I left. Without anything to land on, I left, and proved to myself that I can handle the unknown (and the scary phone calls) by myself.

It's just been lonely and discouraging ever since. I have always followed my heart and done the things that felt right to me. I have heeded my intuition. I have worked hard.

And I feel punished for it.

#off my chest

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eaion · 1 year ago

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Okay, if anyone's interested in it, I tell you my 3 months experience on Wattpad (and anyway also on AO3...)

So I was a very active fanfic writer from 2007-2018, then I just stopped writing. (Even myself don't really know the reason why. Neverending existential crisis? :D)

I just decided to get together my shit and I made another account on AO3 (which is not the eaion @ ao3, obviously, I use that ancient one for reading and commenting and have fun - so far at least). I'm still uploading my old stories (because there are a lot and also not every day have the mood for archiving, but I'm now at the year of 2011, so "only" 7 years of works are still waiting to post there. :))

At the same time, I've made a Wattpad account (yes, I'm well aware that Wattpad isn't popular in my circle :)), and actually I also don't really like it much. Still don't. :D I uploaded there only two of my longest novels (anyway these are Stereks - Teen Wolf, but it really doesn't matter) My main reason besides being lazy, was that I didn't want to make fancy cover for all of my short stories, etc., blah, blah.

Okay, so conclusion: People don't really reads fanfictions in my language anymore (maybe I really should write something in English finally, and I have so many ideas, just still don't have the courage. :')) Wattpad is for more of the original stories, as I experienced, but anyway, I still got readers, and two of them were willing to even comment, though I used to get much more comment on that fic (on other sites, when it was new). It was really a pain updating both of the novels, because, I got zero readers, until I posted like the 10th chapter. :'D I decided like 100 times, that I would stop updating - because nobody read it seemingly - it was very discouraging (it's an euphemism, lol - actually it was very, very annoying...) Then my only one reader ;D commented on my last chapter - they were really kind, and told that they were so afraid that I wouldn't finished the fic, because there on Wattpad, most fics are unfinished. (Actually they were right, I see a shitton of unfinished fics, but... I almost told my reader that: "maybe if the readers mercy the writers with some comments or votes in the process? (Votes are little stars and are like "kudos" on AO3, but you can give a vote an every chapter.) Because, I, personally almost deleted or stopped updating my fucking fic, because literally felt like dropping it to the void?! Okay, whatever. I'm glad I have that one commenter, that actually read through the story, and have some other people who "bookmarked" (add to some fricking reading list), though still don't have any votes or comments on my second novel (today I uploaded the last chapter), so... :/ I guess, I stop using Wattpad, it's not worth it. I found a few stories that were readable (at least don't have godawful spelling and grammar), but most of the stories are not for me, because they are hetero Mary Sue stories. The other problem, that there are seemingly many interesting(looking) original lgbt stories, but most (!) of them are behind a paywall, so you couldn't read them without having a paid premium account. :/ Anyway, yeah, it's hard to find stories, because it's very algorithmic, but if you are a registered user, you can search (one worded) tags (I added many tags to my stories), so you can find something relevant to your interests, but it's not that easy, and again: most fanfictions are not very well written or abandoned; and many, many original stories are behind a paywall. What I liked most on that site were the bookcovers, I made myself, too - for my little gay novels. ^^ I used Unsplash, not stealing fanarts, which unfortunately many writers do there... :(

So, I don't know. Wattpad not that horrible as I was told, but definitely not good. :) I recommend it actually rather for youngers, who wants to try themself and actually if you have many friends (classmates), TikTok followers, etc., you can marketize your fics, so you can gain more readers. That's the only way to not only having a few readers.

Okay, then, good old AO3.

I have some kudos, but I got comments only to my few original works, so it cemented my experience (and prejudice, okay, lol :P) that people in my country don't like reading fanfictions anymore. :( (It's sad btw.) You can say: "okay, but your first 100 livejournal fics you've already uploaded were like 15 years old and had their audience in the past, back then". It's true, but... I visited an other fanfiction site, which is in my language and examined the recently uploaded stories - it's heartbreaking to see that... they got mostly zero comments. Good, quality stories from good writers. I don't know anyway, is this an international phenomenon: people read less fanfictions nowadays or what?

Okay then, I have a surprise comment anyway (I got this type of comment in the past, too), that someone asking me to translate my fic to English, because she would like to read it! Actually, it's so heartwarming to read something like that! ^_^ ♡ I wish my English would be better. :(

And now I recently got a comment to one of my fanfictions, so maybe the spell (nobody comments on my native language fanfictions) are broken. :)

(I still don't decide that I should upload my fics to ffnet, too. I uploaded only one there, like 15 years ago. :D)

Okay, guys, I just would like to ask your experience or opinion. :) I heard everywhere that Wattpad is not so good, etc., mostly because you can't really search there by tags or fandoms and it seems true; I could hardly find there anything specific that I would like to find. But...

It seems to me that there is life. I mean in my native language, you can hardly find any readers, there is an awesome fanfic and original fiction site in my language, it's pretty old, more than 20 years and great, but - it seems to me that nobody reads anything there. There are a very few interactions with the fanfics. And it seems the same on AO3. Writers in my language upload incredible and really high quality fics, many long ones, but they hardly gets even a few kudos, not to mention comments. It's really demoralizing and sad.

I'm not that young and Wattpad always seemed to me being a site that only teenagers use, that's why I feel myself being clumsy to use it, but if there are so many enthusiastic readers and living community even in my little mother tongue, then I guess I should give it a try. :)

Honestly, I always heard mostly negative opinions about Wattpad, that's why I was always discouraged to use it. But I would like to read some more-open minded opinions or opinions from people who use it frequently and like it. Is it really good and maybe you can help how I can find more easily stories that I want to read? :) (Or maybe uploading my old stories if I were really brave. :D)

#fanfiction #writing #wattpad #ao3 #fandom community

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wexhappyxfew · 4 years ago

Note

is it bad to want to stop writing if no one reads your stories?

Hey Anon! Sorry I’ve just gotten to this, my schoolwork load yesterday was quite just...absolutely insane lol, but here I am!

Okay, so I’ve never been asked this question before, so anyone that sees this....this is just my approach, I guess? If we want to call it that - we don’t all have to agree on an approach to a question like this, but it’s a valid question and people feel things like this - hell, I’ve felt this before a couple years ago - so this is just my own opinion, I just wanted to put it out there!

I really looked long and hard at this question because if I’m being honest, we can’t deny it, a vast majority of people have probably felt this at some point in their life. And I know it’s sort of a question that people want to avoid but I feel it has happened to the vast majority of people out there. People can disagree with me, but I don’t think it’s entirely bad. Sure, we want people to read our stories, we want to see people enjoying things we have created....but, I will say that I, personally, have peeled away from that mindset.

I began writing in 2015, posting in 2019 and I can say that at the start, I was stuck in this mindset - if no one enjoys it why post it - and it sucked. I’m sure there are others who can agree. But I don’t want to ignore the fact that I’ve felt this before, and dismiss that it’s bad. Because, sure, now, I’m like okay that’s not the mindset I want - I feel it is almost necessary to feel though in the process of growing as a writer. Sort of like the good and the bad - you have to feel this in order to push through it. It’s like life - you have to fail to something, because then you learn. I failed a statistics test, but I’ve learned from my mistakes that I’ve made with it. It’s a tough lesson in life that I feel needs to be talked about more, especially in today’s day and age - sometimes you have to fail, to learn, it’s an important part of life. And your question, Anon, you are not alone, please know that.

With who I am today, I’m very much of the mindset that writing is simply for enjoyment purposes - for me. I do things, simply that - for me. I write what I want, what I would want to see as a reader cruising around, all that stuff. And I write when I want to LMAO - SHANNON + SCHEDULES DON’T MIX HAHA!! The stats of say Wattpad or Tumblr or AO3 might’ve gotten to my head a bit, but once I started realizing that writing is straight up just fun to do and fun to craft and be confident and happy about - it felt that was worth it more than any amount of comments, votes, reads, kudos or anything (in my opinion, I know this can be slightly controversial in ways!). The simple enjoyment of writing and crafting a story for me today I feel will always override anything. Even if one person sees it, fine by me. And I’m being quite honest, this mindset has taken years - I can’t deny that. There’s experienced writers in the fandom who are wonderful to talk to about this and have helped me a lot, more than anything with this.

AND BE PRIDEFUL AND CONFIDENT! Part of the reason I was stuck in a mindset, similarly, was because I wasn’t confident in my writing abilities - but once you realize that no one writes like you - you’re like OH HEY look at that, look at ME, look what I can DO!! Trust me, there’s a reason unique is a word - we’re all different, we all write different, if we were all the same, things would get pretty boring right? So be proud about you and your work more than anything!

So, don’t at all think this is bad. I feel it’s natural, it’s normal. But I don’t want it to discourage you. I don’t want the fact that people not reading your story to turn you completely away from writing. There’s always someone who sees it and absolutely adores your story and readily awaits your updates, taking it in like it’s candy. Sure it may suck at first, I’ve felt the feeling before and arguably it is not fun, but, I come to you now Anon and say this as if we are face to face - keep writing. Keep writing. KEEP WRITING! There may not be a lot of reads on your story, but it has more than likely helped someone in a time where they needed that story. And the statistics of your story do not discredit your talent as a writer. Statistics are well - simply that, statistics, who clicks, who reads, basically who presses a few buttons on your story and decide they want to click around and read it. But that will never discredit your talent.

I’ve heard it plenty of times that the number one sellers in stores are the best writers in the world. I’ve found plenty of stories that aren’t number one sellers before and the writing has been absolutely incredible! So...I guess life’s just like that - it sucks sometimes, but it’s just a harsh realization that I feel personally is hard to overcome, but it something very present in the world today.

When you really enjoy doing something, when you really love what you do - people’s opinions, the statistics of things, any hate, any crude comments - all of that, it won’t matter. Because you enjoy what you do, and you love it, simply. So...if you need to take a step back, 100% take a step back and maybe (I’m not saying this is the case, just an example) if the story isn’t working for you, yourself, maybe take it down and rework it? Sometimes the enjoyment of writing could be that the story itself doesn’t satisfy you - and hey that’s a reality sometimes! IT WAS MY REALITY!!!*

I’M NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE FOR YOU AT ALL, but I want to comfort you in saying, this could be a possibility. I started a story and it just, it was sort of a mess, it was everywhere. And so I talked to a writer friend and she helped me more than ANYTHING in reworking it, with better, more polished ideas - and it became The Soldier of Stars. I had been 10 chapters in, written through Episode 8 of BoB and really had to start over - but it was worth it every step. It became more enjoyable, more personable, and almost a comfort - to know someone was there for me and able to help. And to know I enjoyed the story more because I reworked it to how I wanted it - regardless of who saw it or not - I enjoyed the story because of what I did for me, not want readers wanted, what I want.

And so, sitting here now, I invite you to my inbox, to my messages - any of it - submit your questions, ask me personally, your questions - anything. Because I have faith in you truly. So do not at all think it is bad, I feel it is only natural and normal. But I do invite you to stop on by the inbox or messages because I have faith and hope with what you do. Writing, for me, personally, is simply for fun - I’m actually going into Translational Biomedical Sciences for college this fall and writing fanfic won’t exactly be number 1 LOL! But writing for me will always be there when I need a sort of mental break from school.

Writing Landslide, to be honest, I haven’t looked at stats much. For me, that has just come with just writing and writing and writing, despite who sees it. Because writing is simply fun and in my opinion, it should always be fun somehow. Always find something fun in what you do, because life won’t always be fun, but if you find a little bit of fun in something like writing - take it and run with it - cherish it! Whether it is because of this wonderful lil OC you’ve created, an OTP, a brotp, a crackship from a small fandom - ANYTHING! Your writing is valid, always know that, and there is always someone that enjoys it - even if they don’t make it seen - someone sees your writing and goes “Wow, okay this is FANTASTIC, I need more.” They may not say a word and that is 100% valid - because no one really owes anyone a thing here :) But they could be there, loving your work and excited for every update.

I know this response was sort of ‘everywhere’ if we want to call it that, but this really sums of my feelings because what you’re feeling is 100% valid. I’ve felt it and I know other people have felt it to. Don’t be discouraged, know you can come to me and I’m more than happy to help in anyway I can - simply talking, reworking, getting in mindsets, getting deeper. Because writing should be FUN!! It should always be fun somehow, even with the dark topics or easy-going stuff. It should be FUN!! So, KEEP WRITING!! KEEP DOING YOUR THING!!! Someone enjoys it - and GUESS WHAT THAT SOMEONE CAN BE Y O U!!! :D I hope this helped out, I know this question in general can be controversial, but truly - keep doing you, keep doing your thing out there in this big, wide world - keep writing. If you keep writing, that is the best lesson anyone can teach you. Keep writing.

#writing #fanfic writing #creative writing #the importance of writing #this question is very valuable i feel #it's a thing i'm sure many people have felt and it shouldn't be ignored since people feel it #anon please know you are not in the wrong for feeling something like that!!#people i bet feel it all the time and if you want you can find ways to overcome it!#it sucks - and i'm not trying to give right or wrong here - but you can get through it (only if you want tho!)#if you don't want to write anymore that's okay but don't be discouraged my friend!!!#okay #i'll stop rambling now #my asbox and inbox and messages are ALWAYS open!

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itsdanii · 4 years ago

Text

Rejecting you and regretting it

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: slight cursing, rude behavior (resolved), do message me if I forgot any.

ft. sakusa kiyoomi, tsukishima kei

Sakusa Kiyoomi

you're not oblivious to the fact that kiyoomi is a very conscious person

that's one of the things you loved about him

he was hygienic and he always made sure that his health was his utmost priority

but one downside is that kiyoomi had the tendency to push people away because of his straightforwardness

you were used to it and in fact, you were one of those people he tolerated

but everyone has their bad days

and unfortunately for you, today was kiyoomi's and since you were always attached to him by the hip, he unintentionally snapped at you

what's worse is that he snapped at you the moment you confessed to him

"Omi!" you shouted happily as you entered the gymnasium, giving Komori a small wave before making your way to where Kiyoomi was sitting.

He looked at you with a frown. He wasn't wearing a mask since they were training awhile ago and only took a quick break. "Y/n, what are you doing here?"

You sat beside him making Kiyoomi grimace and slightly move away. You frowned at him, completely displeased at the action. "I just wanted to give you a visit. Plus, I have something to tell you."

You started to fiddle with your fingers nervously. You practiced your confession several times already but doing it seemed harder than you thought.

"What is it? Talk, I'm not in the right mood to socialize right now."

Out of panic, you quickly blurted out a rather loud, "I like you!" You immediately covered your mouth with your hand and stared at him wide eyed.

The other players looked at you with sympathy, knowing what's about to happen. Out of all days, you really had to confess today, when Kiyoomi was in a pissy mood after several fangirls pushed themselves against him this morning, not minding his personal space.

Kiyoomi stared at you with a serious expression before standing up. "I don't like you. Leave."

"But Omi.."

"You're irritating and you always bother me when it is clear that I don't want your company." He turned around and left you on the bench, your head casted down in humiliation.

You whispered a small sorry before running out of the gym with tears falling from your eyes.

For the next few days, you did your very best to stay away from Kiyoomi. You changed your route to school knowing that your usual route meant that you have to pass by his house. Even if you got scolded several times for being late, you did not stop.

You sat near the door so you can easily exit the room after class. You even stopped eating with Komori and Kiyoomi during breaks and lunch. Even your usual routine of visiting the gym during practices was stopped.

At first, Kiyoomi didn't mind. He knew that you'd come back in a few days just like you always did. You like him after all, right?

But when a few days turned into weeks, He started getting bothered. Why weren't you pestering him like always? Why did you stop visiting him? You said you like him, right?

It was the second week that Kiyoomi took action. He woke up extra early to wait for you infront of your house, aiming to confront you about your behavior.

When you went out, your eyes widened slightly upon seeing Kiyoomi waiting for you outside. He was wearing his face mask while staring at you intently, letting you know that he purposely waited for you.

You looked down and was about to walk pass him when you felt him tugging on your wrist. Your gaze snapped to his hand, not believing that he was indeed touching your skin.

"Sakusa?"

His eye twitched at the weirdness of you not calling him like usual. Sighing, he stepped a little closer to you, hand still holding your wrist to ensure that you won't run away from him.

"You're ignoring me," he said while eyeing you. "Why?"

You took your hand from him and furrowed your brows. "I'm just doing you a favor. I don't want to be a bother anymore. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"I-"

"It's fine, Sakusa. You don't have to force yourself to apologize just because you feel bad or obliged to."

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I'm not apologizing because I feel bad."

"Then what? You're apologizing just to make fun of me? I know I said I like you but that doesn't mean that you have the right to-"

"You don't get it!"

At this point, you were both raising your voices. Some passersby were looking at you two weirdly, some even running as to not get caught up in the fight.

"Get what, Sakusa? Why don't you tell me so I can understand?!"

"I like you!" Kiyoomi exclaimed. "I... Fuck. I like you, okay? I wasn't in the mood when you confessed and I rejected you without thinking. I messed up. The moment I saw you walk out, I knew I fucked up real bad and I-"

"Om-"

"And I thought that you'd come back the next day to bother me again like usual. I wanted to apologize but my pride-"

You sighed as he continued to ramble. With fast movements, you stood on your tiptoes and encircled your arms around his neck to pull him down to you, kissing him over his mask.

When you let go, Kiyoomi was silent. His eyes were wide and you thought that you went over board. Panic made its way to your face as you try to find the words to explain.

"Sorry, I didn't me-"

This time, he was the one to cut you off. Kiyoomi took off his mask and bent down to kiss you on your lips. One of his arms snaked around your waist to support you while the other settled on your nape, angling you to him.

"Be my s/o."

Tsukishima Kei

Everyone in Karasuno knew how much you like Tsukishima

In fact, you remind him everyday

You often give him fresh strawberries from the market and even bake him strawberry cake

Sometimes, you would put little sticky notes on his belongings and write some encouraging words like "you can do it", "I believe in you" or "take it easy!"

On his birthday, you even gave him a hoodie with a dino design (which he secretly loved)

There are times that you knew Tsukishima gets irritated when you visit and even snaps at you but you didn't mind. You liked him and a small snap will not discourage you

But what you didn't know was that it would only take one conversation to completely shatter your heart

"-And they're back," Sugawara said as he saw you enter the gym, a bubbly smile present on your face as usual.

"Kei!" You skipped your way towards Tsukishima and handed him his water bottle which you voluntarily refilled with hot water.

He only gave you a 'tsk' and took the water bottle. Adjusting his glasses, he stared at you from head to toe as if analyzing you, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

"What are you looking at? Have you finally come to realize that you like me back?" you cheekily asked, poking his bicep.

"No. I was just wondering how someone could look so ugly."

Despite what he said, you forced yourself to giggle, covering your upset feeling with an eye roll. "Oh shut up, Kei. You don't have to hide it, you know? Don't worry, I'm not going to reject you."

You winked at him causing Tsukishima to blush even more.

The rest of the boys snickered and laughed at his reaction which made Tsukishima more embarrassed than he already is.

"Just confess to the girl already, Tsukishima. Can't you see she's trying hard to win you?" Daichi said with a small chuckle while patting Tsukishima's back.

Tsukishima just huffed and pushed his glasses up. "What's there to like? They're nothing but an eyesore anyway."

"What?" you asked in disbelief.

Having a playful banter with Tsukishima was normal in your routine but this was the first time he called you such an offensive term. Does he really think of you that way?

"Oh come on, stop acting dumb. I don't even get why there are guys running after you. I mean, there's really nothing much to look at, right?"

Everyone grew quiet at what he said, clearly not expecting Tsukishima to be at such level of rudeness.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat as your insecurity skyrocketed. "I try hard every single day to look presentable to you. I-"

You paused for a moment to laugh pathetically at yourself. "I exert a lot of effort to make you notice me. I cook for you, I give you gifts. Heck, I even stay after class to help clean the gym so that the task would be easier for you and I'm not even asking for anything in return."

Tsukishima glared at you sharply that you immediately felt extremely smaller than him. "I never asked you to do those things for me."

"Can't you at least show me that you care?" You wiped your tears with the back of your hand. "Because I'm slowly getting tired of this push and pull game."

"Don't you get it? I don't like you. Why don't you stop pushing yourself to me and start getting a life, hm?"

"Tsukishima, that's enough!" you heard Daichi yell at him.

"Y/n?" Sugawara was immediately beside you, his hand rubbing circles on your back in attempt to calm you down.

"No-" You lifted your face up to meet Tsukishima's eyes. "I think he's right. I should stop being a nuisance and focus on myself."

"I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry," you said before giving Tsukishima a bow and leaving the gym with everyone's eyes following your figure until the door shut.

Everyone could only look at Tsukishima as he cursed under his breath.

"Shit."

The moment you left the gym, you headed straight to the comfort room to let your tears out. You stared at yourself on the mirror as tears cascaded down your cheeks.

"You're beautiful," you reassured yourself while pointing at your own reflection. "What he said doesn't make you any less. Know your worth."

You wiped your tears and splashed your face with cold water before getting out and heading to class without sparing Tsukishima any glance.

You ignored Tsukishima, stopped visiting the gym and focused on yourself. You even made made friends with some of your classmates that you didn't bother getting associated with last time because you were too focused on capturing the attention of Tsukishima.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain male was eyeing you as you interact with other people. He blamed himself for pushing you away. He didn't talk to you, thinking that you only wanted space for a couple days before bothering him again.

He knew that what he said was out of line and he regret everything he did. He even asked Yamaguchi and the rest of the team for advice but all of them responded with the same answer - apologize and tell you how he feels.

Tsukishima gripped the pen tightly as he watched you laughing at something your classmate said. The said classmate was too close to you and it was obvious that he was trying to flirt with you.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi called out. He followed Tsukishima's gaze and sighed. "Why don't you go and talk to them?"

"Tsk. Why would I do that? Can't you see they're enjoying his company?" Tsukishima bitterly said.

"You'll end up losing them if you don't do something about it now. Who knows, they might already be lo-" Yamaguchi stopped as Tsukishima instantly stood up and made his way to where you are.

Taking your wrist, he pulled you towards him, heading out of the classroom.

"Tsukishima, what the hell?!" You tried to resist but his grip on your wrist only tightened.

You gasped as he suddenly stopped, trapping you against a wall with his arms beside your head.

"I'm sorry." Tsukishima closed his eyes, balling his fist as he bowed his head. "I said hurtful words to you and no amount of apology will take those away but I want you to know that I regret every single one of it."

You bit your lower lip as you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Do you really think that I'm ugly? I was hurt, Kei. It's just.."

"I'm sorry." His hand made its way to your cheek, cupping your face while he wiped your tears with his thumb. "You're not ugly."

You shook your head and averted your gaze from him, a sob escaping your lips as you felt yourself falling for him deeper. "Don't. Just stop. I'll accept your apology but please just leave me be. I won't be able to stop my feelings for you if you keep leading me on."

"But I don't want you to stop."

"What?"

"I've fallen for you." He tipped your chin up with his hand making you look at him and you were surprised to see the vulnerability in his features. "Please look at me again, y/n. Keep loving me because I swear that I'll do things different this time. Give me a chance."

You can't help but encircle your arms around him, burrying your face on the side of his neck as you nodded repeatedly. "One chance, Kei."

Tsukishima hugged you tightly, lips pressing on the side of your head. "One chance." He leaned away from you and held your face with his hand, eyes boring to yours admiringly.

"You're beautiful."

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️

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icemankazansky · 2 years ago

Note

(tw vent if that's okay if not you can just delete this, thank you <3) honestly though the hate in this fandom is... so discouraging. like ive been writing fics for top gun & tgm but the fact so many people are so set on being hateful & not respecting others, and now there's a whole burn book blog like... idk i just don't feel like i should put myself out there. which is really sad because i really want to interact. and i know the fandom wasn't like this prior to tgm, and that makes me sad too because i came in after tgm came out, and I just feel so sad that even though im not part of the problem i'm still part of like, the wave of people that flooded the fandom. which would have happened even without me being here, but idk, i just feel... sad, like it feels like tgm (even though it's a really good movie that a lot of people genuinely and innocently love) really screwed ao3 up and sorta just hurt everyone and is still hurting everyone. idk.

it just sucks that fandom is supposed to be a place that brings people together and makes happiness and instead I just feel so drained and upset when I think about posting fics and exposing them to the fandom and apparently whole discord groups to like, pick apart. it's just really sad and sucky.

anyway if you made it this far thank you very much for listening, I really appreciate it and I hope you're having an okay day even after that topgunburnbook thing and all this drama

Oh, my dear. As Saint Kesha says, "Don't let the bastards get you down. Don't let the assholes wear you out. Don't let the mean girls take your crown, don't let the scumbags screw you 'round, don't let the bastards take you down."

First of all, don't worry about the burn book people at all, because most of their posts have zero notes. It's just a couple bitter people who think being mean is edgy, and no one is even following them. So, that is a non-issue. It doesn't affect you.

And don't worry about AO3. You didn't do that. It does suck, but it's not your fault, and it's not the end of the world.

The thing that happened when Top Gun: Maverick came out and brought new fans into the fandom is that the fandom got big. And that is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have all these wonderful creators who are just discovering the movies and the characters, and they're bringing in great new stories and art and meta. I've met a lot of wonderful new people who are just like you: They just want to have a good time in this fandom and interact with other fans who share their passion. And honestly, most people are like that.

The problem is that big fandoms have big fandom problems. Think of it like this: Before TGM came out, the Top Gun fandom was a small town. Everyone active in fandom literally knew everyone else, either firsthand or from a, "Hey, you wrote _______; I love that story! Oh my gosh, and you're _____'s friend? That's awesome. She's the best." This creates a harmonious atmosphere, because everything is personal, it's small enough to be self-governing, and because everyone knows everyone, everyone is accountable for their actions.

After TGM came out, Top Gun fandom is no longer a small town. It's a big city. And it has the same problems that all big cities have. People generally don't know anyone except the people in their immediate circle, so that causes factions and in-grouping, and an "us versus them" mentality. This is why you get shipping wars and stuff like that. The fandom is too big to self-govern, and everyone is here to have fun, so it's not like we're going to elect a governing system, but between that and the fact that everybody doesn't know their neighbors personally, there's no accountability anymore. So for one, there's crime now. For example, there has been a lot of theft since more people joined the fandom. New fans are just straight up stealing content from other people and acting like it's their own. And what are we going to do, call the cops? No. It's just something we have to deal with because we live in a big city.

And, yes, the relative (and, on Tumblr, often literal) anonymity of being in a large fandom where no one knows you does encourage some people's terrible behavior. I talked about psychological and sociological studies of anonymity a little while ago, and the gist is: When anonymity is an option, the general chaos of the system does increase, but individuals just act like themselves, but ... moreso. Think of it like the Captain America serum or the mask from that Jim Carrey movie. Anonymity, even perceived anonymity like being just one person in a large system, just shows what you're really like inside. It dials you up to 11. And most people are kind and leave thoughtful questions or wonderful comments in ask boxes, or just go around with positive thought memes made up of happy emojis just to brighten others' days. That's most people. This small, ugly portion of the fandom that is using the fact that they cannot be held accountable as an excuse to hurt people is aberrant. They're the ones who don't belong here, and you can't let the fear of being their target keep you from enjoying all the good things a big city can afford you. Like, small towns are the bomb, but there are wonderful things that big cities can support that small towns can't. Like International Street where you can get different food from all around the world. Big art galleries. More resources for mentorship. More clubs and opportunities for you to find exactly your niche, and people who share it with you.

You didn't do anything wrong. Things grow and expand. You should be enjoying everything this city has to offer. If you feel comfortable, I would love you to come off anon and message me, and we can talk about getting you comfortable putting yourself out there in this fandom, and maybe I can connect you to some resources or some other really great people in the fandom. We want to hear from you. We want to talk to you. We want you to publish your work. We're happy you're here, truly.

#asks answered #top gun fandom #long post

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