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bri-in-ur-attic · 2 years ago

Text

One should keep their Promises

Yandere?Ayato x gn!reader (sfw)

Skipped the Irodori event from a long ass time ago now so there’s prob inaccurate info abt it here

I tried to make Ayato as little of a yandere as possible while also being one lol, he’s just mostly obsessed and delusional

yall this fic took me forever to do, its the longest one ive ever written too over 3k sheesh (started this bitch back in April of last year holy shit)

warnings: minor yan themes??, very little spoilers for Ayato’s past, smiiiiidge angst

remember behavior like this irl is shitty behavior that should never be condoned. this is PURELY FICTION I wrote this for fun and to improve my writing

Back when times were simple, back when Ayato’s beloved parents were still alive and when he could enjoy his childhood, a young teen Ayato snuck out of the estate just for the fun of it, he wanted to feel the rebellious energy of breaking the rules, he was just going to be out for an hour or two. Ayato took a kitsune mask with him to conceal his identity and made it to Chinju Forest, then that was when he heard it, the sound of an Shamisen playing along with a sweet humming to harmonize with

He almost mistakes you for an beautiful spirit, Ayato took off the mask for a second to witness your performance with his own eyes

Putting the mask back on, he carefully strolls towards you and taps your shoulder

You flinched and turn around to see someone your age with a kitsune mask, he waved at you and you give a small nervous wave back

“I apologize if I had startled you, but I like how you play your instrument! Could you perhaps continue?”

“O-oh uhm, s-sure!..”

Little you was still flustered but still managed to play your Shamisen skillfully.

Even with a bit of a awkward first meeting, the two of you got along well with together, so much so that you two would continue to meet up for the next three months, although Ayato would continue to wear his kitsune mask, not that he didn’t trust you, he put it on as precaution if scummy people were to encounter the heir of the Kamisato clan out in the open vulnerable, it would endanger not only himself, but you as well.

You seemed to enjoy Ayato’s company and vice versa

Though Ayato might’ve enjoyed yours a little much as even at a young age he wanted to marry you already, he knew it had to be love at first sight!

The two of you experienced what Ayato couldn’t have back at home, companionship of another his age

Then at the third month of meeting up with each other, he dropped the proposition

“Y/n, marry me.”

You obviously were taken aback by his sudden proposal, not only did you just reach your teens, the two of you knew each other for only three months!

“What?? Isn't it too early to even think about that?”

“I mean when we’re grown up, when we’re adults, let's marry!”

You still seemed hesitant as you met each other only three months ago! The kitsune-masked boy didn't even tell you his name for crying out loud!

“I still don’t know, I mean, you haven’t even told me your name yet and I don’t even know what you look like.” you say with a little pout

Ayato thought your expression was very cute but his heart clenches a little, he wants to badly reveal his identity, but he can’t risk it, and he didn’t want you change your view of him if you found out that he was from a high noble clan, just not now

He then reached for your hands

“I promise I will tell and show you who I am one day, please just trust me Y/n.”

The expression on your face doesn’t change, Ayato was getting worried

With sigh, you suddenly lean your forehead on his mask-covered forehead

Ayato was shocked by your immediate move of intimacy and he was thankful for the mask covering up his blushing cheeks which were now red as beets, but he had no complaints as he wraps his arms around you

Now it was your turn to be shocked, but you slowly lean into his body, you inhaled the scent of his clothing through your nose a bit, he definitely had a scent that implied he was from a noble clan, but you didn’t care, you loved him for him

“Promise me that you’ll marry me Y/n.”

“I promise.”

But the kitsune-masked boy never returned after that day

You came back every day for him hoping he would return, but he never did. This was the first time you’ve experienced heartbreak, you felt betrayed, abandoned, maybe that boy was just toying with you for his own amusement, maybe you were just a plaything that he got bored of and forgot about after playing with your feelings. And so you decide to stop showing up and move on with life.

Over the years you still continued to play your Shamisen despite the lingering sad memories you’ve had because of it. Of course, you managed to move on and not be a slave of the heartbreak and putting all your passion on music, and then that was how you received an Anemo Vision

While you moved on and lived a carefree and fun life, Ayato was in misery

He desperately wanted to visit you again, but his parents had fallen ill and soon passed away leaving the burden of growing up too fast and becoming the Clan leader at an age too early

But Ayato’s duties came first and he had a sister to look after too but he still would remember and keep the promise the two of you made that day, he will meet you again one day and marry you, he would tear this island apart to see you again

—--------------------

Many years later, you were now an adult, sometimes you would recall the kitsune-masked boy and laugh at how silly the Romeo-Juliet love story you had with him was, teenage hormones really took over you that day, as naive you were, younger you’s feelings for him back in the day were real

Oh well, no need to dwell on the past anymore

You had a group of pals you joined with who were also musically talented, the group would travel around Narukami Island and perform and even managed to earn a bit of income as well!

Now with the Irodori Festival, this was the perfect opportunity to gain a large crowd since many more were arriving from around Teyvat thanks to Inazuma’s borders opening again

—--------------------

Your group decided to make a short play about a cheesy love story of two lovers who were forbidden to be together, you were against the idea at first but your other groupmates voted for the cheesy play, with reluctance, you gave a thumbs up

The time had come for the play, a crowd started to form excited for what band had planned for this time

Ayato and the Traveler with their floating companion were visiting and touring around the festival’s spoils

From time to time, you always appeared on his mind, to say he still wasn’t over you would be an understatement to an extent. He never forgot how younger him impulsively proposed to you without even revealing his true identity, but despite that, you loved him, you accepted his proposal to marry him one day

So imagine how much it pained Ayato having no choice but to leave you and only to finally be able to come back and not see you

Of course, he couldn’t blame you, it took him about six years to finally come back, but you didn’t forget your promise, right?

He missed you dearly after all, he missed the friendliness of your nature, your kindness, your music, and of course, your love. On days where stress overtook him, Ayato couldn’t indulge in you physically, and so he gets lost in memories of the past feeling the love of those memories over and over again

“Come on Y/n! Join the dance!!!”

Lavender eyes widen at the mention of the name and slowly turns his head towards the direction where the name was yelled

“Uh hey Ayato, are you ok?” the floating child asked concerned while waving her short arms towards him

“Y-yes, please excuse me for a second.”

And with that Ayato speed walked towards the way where Y/n was mentioned. He could see a crowd around a group of performers who were singing and dancing and then..

There you were, his beloved Y/n

His mouth agape as he laid eyes on you as he admires how much you’ve grown since then, you were somehow more beautiful. Ayato noticed that you too had earned a vision, then his eyes started to dart towards how your hips were swaying with the beat of music, he blushed deeply and mentally slapped himself for eyeing you inappropriately after not seeing you in years

Even after all these years, you were still playing the Shamisen, the same instrument you had played that attracted him towards you all those years ago. During the rest of the play, Ayato wasn't paying attention to the your fellow group members, his full attention was on you as he ignored the shocked faces of some people who couldn't believe the Yashiro Commissioner was there

You truly were still enchanting

After the play, the crowd claps and soon departs, only for the high and mighty Lord Ayato to remain as he was hiding behind an alley after the play was over to not attract unwanted attention towards him

"Good job crew! We had quite a crowd today! Think it's the biggest one we've had!"

"You too Y/n! I didn't really think you could dance, sing and play at the same time!"

"Hmph, I'm still not really happy with you pulling me in the front, Kenshi."

"Oh hush, you never perform in the front, you just needed a gentle push."

You roll your eyes as you and Kenichi pack up the equipment with the rest of the group going out to get some snacks

"Besides, I think you did a wonderful performance Y/n "

"I agree, for I think that was the best Shamisen solo I've ever heard."

A man in high noble attire with sharp sapphire eyes suddenly engages in the conversation

Something about him was

Awfully familiar

Kenshi then nudges you

“G-greetings Lord Ayato!” Kenshi says as she bows elbowing you to do the same

Ah so that’s why he felt familiar, but there’s something more about this man that you couldn't quite put your finger on

You give a small bow of simply tilting your head downwards

“Good afternoon, I just came by to compliment on how well your group has done on the play. The singing, dancing and the composition.”

Lord Ayato for some reason kept his eyes mostly directed at you, it made you a bit uncomfortable

“T-thanks- I mean- thank you my Lord.”

Screw all this fancy talking, you just wanted to hurry up leave and enjoy your sweet Dango milk

“Say, considering how talented you are Y/n, would you perhaps grant me the honor of performing in the Kamisato Estate personally for my sister and I? She would love to witness your talents.”

Both you and Kenshi were flabbergasted on the Lord’s sudden proposition

‘Marry me, Y/n.’

The memory suddenly rewinded in your head, why did that happen?....

“Y/n? You good? You have to accept this offer!!” Kenshi said as she gently placed her hand on your shoulder

“OH! Oh uhm, yes! I will be honored to perform for your family and you, my Lord..”

“That’s splendid, tomorrow morning then, see you until then Y/n, don’t keep us waiting too long.”

And with that, the Kamisato Lord elegantly walks off, with a grin obsessively love-sick that you didn’t see

With his presence finally gone, you lean on Kenshi’s shoulder a bit, exhausted

“Hey Y/n, are you ok?”

“I..don’t know…”

—--------------------

Morning had arrived too soon

With each step that took you closer to the grand Kamisato Estate, anticipation dreads over you

Meanwhile Ayato woke up more early than usual, he was already ready as soon as the sun had rose

“Dear brother, why have you waken so early in the morning?”

“Ah, well we have a special guest coming in soon, Ayaka.”

Foolish Ayato, he had forgotten to inform his sister that you were arriving

Maybe he shouldn’t had woken up so early, hours what felt like eternity were actually 30 minutes

With a scoff, Ayato began to write down witty lines he could say to you, wedding locations and even went as far as listing some names for your possible future kids

After about half an hour of scribbling, he accidently dozes off and falls asleep

In Ayato’s dreams, there was a vision of a past memory of when he proposed to you in your teens, and then he sweetly dreamed of the inevitable future with you snuggling up with him in bed, greeting him with kisses after a long day of work. What Ayato saw next in his dreams was the cherry on top of his fantasies, you and him on the field that he too went to with his family as a child, and suddenly two kids come running up to the both of you, this was what all that he ever wanted, a family. Of course, he had his dear sister, but a loving spouse and 2 beautiful children maybe even more was perfect. A family he could build with the love of his life

But the dream ends before he could indulge in them further as a knock awakens him

“Lord Kamisato, a musician has arrived proclaiming that you invited them in the estate.”

Perfect

“Ah yes I did, do let them in.”

It’s ok, his dreams would become a reality soon after all

—--------------------

“Good morning musician, I pray you have had a good night’s rest?”

“Quite milord.”

In reality, you haven’t. You had barely gotten sleep due to the fact of how uncomfortably familiar Kamisato Ayato was, you were dreading the morning as you wanted to stay away from him, besides, politicians are always bad news, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to accept his proposition. But with Ayato being a very high official ranking nobleman, he could probably send good word across Inazuma for not only your band but yourself as well

“Oh hello! You must be the musician the Lord as invited!”

A blonde man walks in waving towards you, his aura was nice to be around compared to Ayato’s

Sending a shy wave back towards the blonde man, a beautiful lady in armor approached

“Good morning everyone, I see that the musician has arrived shall we head inside the estate?”

—--------------------

During your solo performance, you mostly focused your eye contact with Lady Ayaka and Thoma as they were more pleasant to be around in contrast to Ayato’s authoritive self

He was,, strange around you

His gaze towards you were as if he’s analyzing you to find your weak points, even when he was walking beside you when heading inside the estate you caught him eyeing you, but you can’t deny that he sure does a pretty face, a really pretty one in fact

And with the final chord strung to conclude your show, you accidently come in eye contact with him

Piercing blue eyes meets the e/c briefly

“What a beautiful performance Mx. Y/n! I never heard anyone play the Shamisen played in that style!”

“I agree with Lady Ayaka Y/n! Quite the solo you did.”

With their compliments, you slightly blushed and lowered your head in respect and gratitude

“Hm, couldn’t had said it better myself, you certainly are talented y/n.”

“Thank you milord.”

You only offered him a side glance in which you cursed to yourself as that rude action might get you in trouble, thankfully Ayato didn’t seem to mind as he only chuckled

“I would actually like to have a few private words with y/n here, I personally have some curious questions to ask them.”

Both Ayaka and Thoma widened their eyes towards Ayato’s request, but granted it as they both got up and went out

“Dear brother, do make it quick for Mx. Y/n”

Letting out an airy laugh, Ayaka and Thoma leaves you alone with Ayato with Thoma giving a small smile towards you

‘Please don’t leave me with him...’

“Musician, please, may you direct your attention towards me?” Ayato says while placing a hand on your shoulder

With a sigh, you turn your head and to be met with something that you desperately tried to repress from your memories

The mask of the boy you met all those years ago

“Y-you..no-no way..”

“Hehe, Y/n my dear, it has been way too long.” he says while stroking your cheek

Due to the mask being too small for Ayato to wear, he simply placed it in front of his face, but regardless, you feel as if you were back in that forest with him all those years ago

You stare at mask, memories of your teen years flashing before your eyes

Shock turns into despair and finally into anger

No way you were going to let this man try to crawl back into your life after he ditched from yours

With all professionalism and manners thrown the window, you slap his hand that was cupping on your cheek away harshly, unintentionally enhancing the slap with anemo

“I see you also gained a Vision over the years.” Ayato says while grabbing his hand

“No thanks to you for breaking younger me’s heart, gaining my Vision from moving on from how you discarded my feelings is the only positive thing I’ll ever view from ever meeting you.”

For a brief second, Ayato’s expression was laced with heartbreak, this was all a simple misunderstanding

“My dea-”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That. I no longer wish to be part of your life, you clearly didn’t want to be part of mine back then anyway.”

Turning your heels and ready to bust down the door, you suddenly felt a harsh grip on your arm

“NO! I wanted to return to you that day! I wanted to marry you one day! I was forced to be away from your life!”

Stopping on your tracks and your back still facing Ayato, your anger melted away and turned into empathy and your heart was beating fast at the reminder of him purposing to you that day

Taking your silence as a sign to continue, Ayato trails his hand down your arm to grab your hand

“My flower, my mother and father had fallen terribly ill at the worst of times and their conditions only worsened until they eventually passed and I had to take over as Clan leader..” Ayato slightly chocked on his words upon talking about his parents

“I can’t express on how much I am truly sorry for leaving you without a word, but I wish you can forgive me and let us start over.”

Despite being inside the estate, it felt as if the wind was blowing

“No.”

Finally looking up to meet with Ayato’s piercing gaze, you would be lying if you said that it didn’t send shiver down your spine

“And, why would that be if I may ask?” His eyes darkened, from pleading to menacing

“Look, I can forgive you because you provided an very understandable explanation, but I have moved on a long time ago, you should too Ayato.”

“But, you promised.”

“Correction, teen me promised, I don’t pledge you jack shit.”

Silence was what was left, you were left in limbo of what to do next, you contemplated running away

Ayato then removes his glove, the one that was on the hand you hit earlier

“Do you see this? You seem to have left a nasty bruise on me, this can be considered physical assault towards me, a Yashiro Commissioner.”

‘Curses, I didn’t even mean to use my elemental powers on him...’

“Now Y/n dear, if you want no criminal charges against you, I suggest you to give away to me.”

Your mind had shut down, this was it, your life was completely butchered up thanks to this dangerous and deluded man you met years ago, regret of stepping foot in that damned forest in the first place washes over you

But, you have nothing to lose at this point minus your dignity, and you conclude that your bandmates will be ok without you

Clenching your fist, you close your eyes

‘I must make it to the docks, I’m sorry guys.’

“Well? What is your move, dea-”

With a powerful gust of wind, the ceiling collapses and causes Ayato to stumble back a few feet, the person of Ayato’s affections was gone in a puff

While covering his face with his arm, Ayato’s face hardens with shock and frustration

Fine, if it’s a game of the cat chasing the mouse, he’ll give you a game

Guards come bursting in, taken aback by the debris

“My Lord, what has happen-”

“Look for a figure that carries a Shamisen with h/c hair, I want them alive and well.”

“Understood sir.” And with that, the guards left to prepare for the search

With a sinister smile and low chuckle, Ayato covers his face with his bruised hand, brushing his lips over the marked part

“You can run my dear, but you won’t be able to hide for long.”

A/n: The y/n rizz is so strong that Ayato simped for over a decade

#genshin impact x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #yandere x reader #yandere #genshin x reader #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato #yandere kamisato ayato

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kimikaami · 3 months ago

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I don’t go to fire emblem so I don’t know much but I read the snippet of your writing you replied to the post about strong queerplatonic relationships with and I thought it was lovely!!

Anyways as per the post asking you about your writing, what would you be most excited to talk about/share about your choices in your most recent piece?

—lea lesbianfakir

Ok 1) sorry it took me so long to answer, I have to be in a certain headspace for asks, esp when I know the answer is gonna be long and 2) sorry most of this probably won't make sense to you, personally 😭 this is a really interesting ask so ty for sending it but a lot of it goes into the Deep Lore

Also my feelings on the last thing I wrote are kind of meh so I'm gonna talk about a lot of some other recent things I've written instead

into the light

This headcanon was literally the reason I wrote the whole fic. For so long, Ive written both Byleth and Seteth as aspec, but I got to thinking about how fanon's idea of nabatean society is still rather human and modern despite their alien-ness, and wanted to do something Different. Seteth actually being rather allo by nabatean standards and ace by human ones is an idea that I love, and I think fits really well with canon. Like. Why are there not half-nabatean characters?? Surely their society wasn't that insulated. Surely humanity wouldn't have killed half humans off so thoroughly.

Here's some bonus conversational bits between Seteth and his daughter and Byleth and her mom that I'm fond of. For Flayn, it's because I relish any opportunity to write her as the adult that she is. For Byleth, it's because it's a conversation I've had with my own mom many times.

Adducent (fic is nsfw, but snippets aren't)

This one just means a lot to me. It was a really cathartic premise to write and I think the second chapter is pretty good. I wish more people read it because I think it's one of my best.

Smut fic is weird bc sometimes its so intensely personal that I really want people to connect with it. But you can't force people to read sexual content that contains stuff that they aren't into, but it's also not usually about the kink, it's about the emotions and self discovery. So it's this constant war in my mind between "please read this and See Me" and "I have to be rational and understand that you can't force that on anyone."

Anyway. Moving on.

Uncharted Waters

I will die on the hill that Flayn would not be purely excited to see her dad get with her teacher. I think, at best, she would be excited at the idea of it at first, but once she actually witnesses them Together a lot of uncomplicated, unprocessed feelings would surface.

I also feel like people tend to forget that she's like. A real adult. She fought in a war. Just because she hasn't had a lot of the modern life experiences that her peers have, doesn't mean she isn't one.

As the Sun Slowly Rises

I just like the banter in this one.

I've about hit the image limit, so I'm gonna reblog with the overtly nsfw ones. Thanks for giving me and excuse to ramble!! I'd been thinking about making a post like this for a while.

#setleth #long post #my fic

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gaymoustache · 2 years ago

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Oh my god ive always wanted to read a groupie harry fic 😣 if you ever feel like sharing/posting a snippet please do!! 🤍 (happy holidays!)

Hello! Sorry for late response. I didn’t know sharing snippets was a thing but I can absolutely post a scene as a sneak peek. Hope you all wrapped up 2022 nicely. This new fic I’m writing joins a few things I’ve wanted to explore. First, Harry’s character is trans and may be transitioning; because it is the 70s U.S. in this fic, there are different terminologies and attitudes. Louis is Americanized (from somewhere in Appalachia). So far I’ve been really liking how the characters interact with one another. It’s technically enemies to lovers but I’m not good at making people seem like they hate each other. Here is a draft of a scene I’ve written so far. And yes, other scenes will be more interesting than this. Let me know what you think in my inbox, or message me!

Roadie Louis, Groupie Harry

When the roadies finish unpacking before the show, Louis steps into an alley for a cigarette, wanting the fresh, rain soaked air of Chicago. The asphalt soaks the bottom of his soles, leather cowboy boots he bought the last time the band was in Arizona. He shakes his lighter, but in the windy rain it’s shot, barely sparking a flame.

“Shit,” he mutters, turning back to the door. He worms his arm under his sweaty shirt, up to his mouth to see if it would shield his cig from the wind, mindlessly trying to kick the door open. But the pointy toe of his boot kicks out the doorstop, and before he can move inside it slams shut, the only way inside cut off.

“Um,” he hears, an awkward chime. “Do you need a light?”

Glancing over his shoulder, he sees Harry with a heeled shoe kicked up against the brick wall like the first time he ever saw her, leaning against the building, clearly bored. Louis figures she’s waiting around for the band, with nothing else to do after getting ready for them. And she’s dolled up. Makeup and fancy hair like it’s an occasion, seeing a show in Chicago. Like this is the gig she was waiting for.

Louis realizes he must seem pretty judgmental, ornery eyes narrowing at Harry. At her paisley wrap blouse, at her miniskirt. Then he remembers he does need a light, and that he ought to be nice enough to get one out of her. Kind stranger.

“Yeah, wouldja mind, doll?”

“I wouldn’t,” Harry answere easily, sticking her cigarette to her lip to reach down into her platform boots.

Out she pulls an old-fashioned lighter, windproof metal. She clicks it open with a strong thumb, pressing it down to reveal the light. Louis holds out the end of his cigarette to it, lighting it until it puffs and he can feel the slightest burn at the back of his throat. It smells like butane and wet rain, but the awning and fire escapes somehow keep them dry.

“Thanks,” Louis says, a beat too late. Harry just nods, quiet, dragging on her own, looking down at the asphalt.

Louis has no choice but to look at her, with her oversized suede coat boxing her figure in. She’s demure, her only trace of masculinity hiding itself in the hair above her lip, the muscles in her thighs. Her platform boots weigh her down, and yet— she has the ability to hold herself like she weighs nothing.

“So are you like a— don’t take no offense to this, but are you a transvestite?”

Harry doesn’t seem fazed by the question, blinking down at the rain covered asphalt of the alley. Between them, a large plunk of rainwater falls from the grates of the fire escape, hitting the ground with a splash. Harry steps a half-inch away from it.

“I guess… if that’s your name for it then I guess so.” She shrugs, and where her jacket slips off her shoulders, he can see the softness of her broad shoulder in the evening light. Freckles brush the tops of her arms from summer, the same that sprinkle over her nose, barely noticeable. Louis reckons he’d be able to see them better if she didn’t wear makeup. If she wasn’t moving all the time, he’d sneak a look every once in a while. She’s turning towards the door, back to the alley, blinking down at Louis. Right in his eyes.

“Is that what you think I am?”

Louis looks at her, taking a slow drag, holding in the smoke for a moment before blowing it up into the sky. He watches the smoke feather through the grates of the fire escape, then when it’s all gone, says, “I can't decide that for you. That’s like tellin’ a horse it’s a cow ‘cause it don’t run.”

Harry just looks at him, somewhat suspicious, painted eyelids hooded. Blue eyeshadow, dark green mascara. The way she looks, she’s nothing like the other girls Louis has seen come around. Not at all.

And that means something, but Louis frankly doesn’t want to admit it. Can't stand how it’s been years and years of being indifferent towards all the sweet, provocative ladies that hang around the band members. All it takes is one with cropped hair and a broad, flat torso for him to change his mind.

“What,” Louis starts, always hating how silence like this drives him crazy, “what exactly are you gaining from all this? All this, following a mediocre band around. Why do you do that?”

Harry giggles around her cigarette, looking out at the alley. “I’ve got nothing better to do, Louis.”

Her accent softens around the edges, the same way her smile does. She tucks her chin slightly in her neck, a finger tapping out the ashes of her cigarette in Louis’s periphery. He can hardly notice it, because she’s looking at him, giving him the same eyes he’d seen before. When she makes faces at Earl, curled up beside him on the couch with those long legs thrown over his lap.

Louis shakes his head, moving a step back from her. After this, there’s no need for them to ever speak again. You go your way, and I’ll go mine. An early morning chauffeur to Chicago and a spare lighter means nothing, because Louis doesn’t fuck groupies.

#my fics #larry #writing process #blah blah blah

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sieglinde-freud · 6 months ago

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9, 21, 23, 25 uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SEBASTIAN from ur stardew valley. or linhardt if you wanna do fe <3

i finally have some more free time and i LOVE yapping so. im doing both :)

ok sebastian first…

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

that depends entirely whether or not he drops his smoking habits. he does if you marry him in game, but if its just roommates… ehhh. i dunno. i dont really gaf if someone smokes but ive got bad asthma and so. just wouldnt work. maybe if he kept it to his own room. otherwise i think we’d be pretty similar and i appreciate the fact that hes capable of shutting up so. a solid maybe

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

never written a thing for this game but one thing i like that people do is emphasize the fact that hes got a bike. bc. sorry guys i see an edgy emo man on a motorcycle and im thirteen again like what the hell. thats hot talk about it more. dislike when hes turned into sasuke 2.0

23. Favorite picture of this character?

very predictably his portrait while hes fixing the bike but also his winter fit is so cute… look hes adorable 🥺

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

i didnt find him until like two in game weeks into the game and when it was raining on the beach and i saw his sprite and i was like “oh my god. hot emo guy. FINALLY something for me in this game (i was 15 please i was 15)” and then i talked to him and this bitch goes “the ocean is best enjoyed alone, dont you think?” LIKE BITCH??? anyways now hes my husband :)

ok linhardt :)

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

yeah. yeah absolutely. dude’s either studying or sleeping which means hes quiet and probably wont bother me. but he also has a high bullshit tolerance so like, if i needed help with something, its not like he ever moves. also, look at him. listen to him. BEST gossip partner are you kidding??? oh im there. itd be great

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

ive written for him ONCE and its buried deep in my drafts so dont ask. but i think for him dialogue is really fun bc hes just SUCH a bitch. all the time. but in a very relatable way like hes just. goofy. dislike that finding a motivation for him to be anywhere is hard because its. its linhardt. do we really believe he’d care enough to be at [location] right now. honestly.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

any portrait from three hopes i think his design is so cute he ate everyone tf up and came back for seconds. what the hell. his s support cg is also nice, one of the few good ones from three houses (kozaki… come back…)

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

“his name is lyn?? hardt??? his name is lyn + reinhardt fire emblem heroes and he looks like their ugly baby?? are you kidding me???”

now hes a fav :) if you dislike linhardt i think theres something wrong with you

#asks #tbh i think for me to get along as roommates my only requirement is know when to leave me alone #i love to yap but i have my limits

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charmsandtealeaves · 2 years ago

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💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Okay this one I’m taking time to answer because I’m gonna use some real examples (because I never delete shit from my AO3 inbox and I'm feeling a little self-indulgent this morning) so strap in:

1. Comments left in the bookmarks. It’s rare, I’ve only ever had it happen twice. But it’s a little window into someone else’s view and I love that shit.

In one someone quotes a line from the fic itself and follows it up with “I’m gonna use that, maybe, once I get bitches, gotta cut my hair for that.” The once I get bitches part had me genuinely laugh out loud for the first time in I don’t know how long. I really hope their endeavour panned out for them 🤣

2. Comments that quote parts of your own fic. I love seeing what parts of a piece of dialogue or scene really resonated with people.

This was fantastic! Oh especially the whole show bit, I enjoyed it too damn much! So well-written and funny, I was grinning like crazy! “But I work in a morgue, so the guys at work are not exactly the sort of stiff I want to be picking up. Naked Attraction please help me find a man who isn’t mortified to go home with a mortician!” - I remember this from the snippets and it's brilliant!

3. Comments from the same username on several chapters of a multi chapter. Those people are the bees knees and fill me with the warm fuzzies.

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart soars whenever I see your name, @blondelunaa, @abihastastybeans and @practicecourts doing this. 10/10 kudos to you guys.

4. The “Sorry, I got too engrossed and forgot to comment” or “Re-reading!” Kind of comments. With fandom it sometimes feels like something is dead after a week without new kudos etc coming in. But comments like these prove that people are still reading and appreciating long after that.

Oooh ive gushed over this chapter before, but wow- this patronus scene is everything and more. I love the image of the stag, so powerful and magnificent - ima sucker for patronus reveals but this one takes the cake 🤩 and the end is perfect !!

5. The requests for more or a prequel/ sequel. Again rare (for me anyway). I got a few of these on a microfic but I’m gonna share the one:

I am obligated to inform you that I'm in dire need of a sequel. Or prequel. Or both, I won't complain...

6. The paragraph. I think these are the kind of comments everyone loves to get. Just a full paragraph of gushing about something you made.

Oh my goshhhh!!!! My heart!!!!!!! Thank you so very much for writing this <3 This is a perfect, heartfelt, beautiful glimpse into the "after" I requested. I'm so happy they resolved all their feelings! I love the sweet domesticity of the line "it's just me", like they're already an old married couple in Godrics, instead of two teenagers in the Heads Dorms. I feel like that line really helped set the tone of intimacy for the rest of the fic. I'm glad they talked about all their feelings and James doesn't have to be broody anyone xx Thank you for sharing Charms!

8. The full block caps shouting comment. The passion involved in that style of comment.

I SHOULD'VE BRACED MYSELF AFTER THAT AUTHOR'S NOTE

9. The one word/one liner comment. It's small but mighty.

This was fantastic!!!

This was fab. All the kudos to you 🌸 You are a very talented writer ⭐️

This was mad…I loved it

10. The comment from someone "fandom famous" who you thought wouldn't even know you exist. Exhilarating and also incredibly daunting when posting a WIP.

Ahhh the drama in this one!! Loved the James and Lily interactions. Sweet to see Alice and Lily's friendship in person for this one! Got some satisfaction from James hitting Pettigrew I won't lie lol. Glad to see Lily's not pregnant (yet)! Excited to see how you wrap this up!

11. The unexpected compliment comment. Someone paying your work a comment you weren’t expecting. I’ve highlighted a few here that I go back to when I feel like just throwing in the proverbial towel:

Hot damn, this is best court room scene I’ve ever read in fanfiction and most published novels. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! I’ve been devouring this fic quickly because the dialogue is so freaking good- the perfect combination of fun banter but with a realistic flow- I feel like I’m reading conversations with my own friends. Also I don’t know if this makes sense but they everyone’s Britishness jumps off the page in a way that I love.

Woah! Broken can be a beautiful place to start. Mind blowing and emotionally a masterwork

Just read all of this in one sitting, love your writing! Look forward to reading more of your fics

Asfjksagf this fic is amazing!! It's nighttime here now and I thought to myself that I would just read a couple chapters and then finish it tomorrow - but I COULD NOT put it down!!! Had to devour it all together!! It was just so novel, so interesting, so fun! And the final scene with James holding and hugging Lily from behind had me positively melting the whole time ;A; incredible! <3

I’ve just found this story and I binged the whole thing \o/ Thank you so much for sharing it. The soulmate concept can be so tricky to navigate and I imagine it’s hard to come up with fresh takes on the Lily/James Patronus storyline, but all of this came together so seamlessly and the narrative is so engaging. Such a lovely experience, and I’m incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon it! Phenomenally done! \o/

#ask answered #lets get REAL writers asks #probably didn't need to be this long. but... I love commenters.#on commenting #on fandom

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starreadssstuff · 2 years ago

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I know the end - Takatora Samura

Warnings: canon violence, blood, bruising, hurt (future parts) g*ns, Niragi (nothing bad will happen, in this fic or any) LMK if I missed anything!!

Authors note: Heyyy dude! so I wanted to start writing since I have more time now. This is a multi-part fic that I will do over the course of time. I hope you enjoy the read! This is the second fic Ive written, but more are coming. I have a few WIPs that Im pushing myself to finish. I hope you enjoy the read!

You were bloody and bruised. Stumbling into “the beach” you didn’t know what to do you were bleeding, that last game had almost claimed your and your friend’s life, Lily who you were currently dragging into this beach building. You then saw a group of people standing in the doorway. You couldn’t see very well due to probably having a concussion but you were pushing through, for Lily, you kept telling yourself. Once you got closer you saw the people standing in front of the building better. The first things that caught your eyes were their weapons, one of them and a shit ton of tattoos and a katana, and the other had an AK-47 on his shoulder with piercings all over. You were scared now.

“Who are you?” asked the one that didn’t have any weapons out, except for a pistol on his belt. You also saw a pocket knife on his ankle and other weapons.

“Please, help us “You struggle to get out the words but before you know it darkness had consumed you.

LATER

You were terrified where were you? Where were your weapons? Why couldn’t you see? Where was lily? And most importantly what were you tied down to? As soon as you start to move around the back your head gets pulled off and the stream of light poured in all too quickly. You looked around to see all your weapons had been taken off of you and put on a table far from your reach. You also see lily is awake and is also confused. You try to talk to her but your mouth is covered in tape for whatever reason. You give her a look that says “i don’t know what’s going on”

As the doors burst open and you see a man in beach attire stroll in like he owns the world.

You hate him as soon as he opens his mouth.

“Hello and welcome to the beach!” he says in an awfully happy tone that is so off-putting even Lily, who has never made fun of anyone, cringes and rolls her eyes.

“ Please untie our guests Niragi.” As the man introduces himself as the Hatter the man with the AK-47 starts to untie you and Lily. You are grateful to this hatter guy, you might not hate him so much anymore. Niragi is definitely a guy you want to keep an eye out for. He lingers so much it's annoying.

Authors note prt 2: please leave tips on how to fix any mistakes! constructive criticism is welcome!! have a beautiful day/night love, star 💜

#takatora samura #last boss #my husband #aib #alice in borderland #tw niragi #aib aguni #aib hatter #the beach

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arodabi · 4 years ago

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okay, i’m finally getting around to writing this, and uhh ill say its for aro week too. this is written as an aro person directed at alloromantic people. when i refer to writing, i’m kind of using it as a general term for creative works. Here’s me throwing my hat in on the question:

Can you ship aromantic characters?

and my answer is,,,,, actually a question. Why do you want to ship aromantic characters?

I want alloros to realize that for a lot of aros, we do not get to see ourselves represented often. I can actually count on like one hand how many popular canon aro characters there are, and on the whole, none of their identities are respected. people constantly try to weasel their way out of actually writing aro characters, or they just ignore or deny their identity outright. fandom spaces (hell creative spaces in general) are at best not welcoming to aros, and at worst actively hostile towards us. So when the first question brought up when a character gets canonically confirmed as aro is “okay cool but can i ship them???” or “that’s nice but how can i still write about my fave ship that involves them??” i want to fucking scream. its a slap to the face and it shows that people really do not give a shit about aros. you say stuff like that and all i hear is “my fictional ship is so much more important than representing your marginalized minority identity” so instead of me just sitting here and saying “yes you can totally ship aro characters, as long as you’re respectful!!!” i’m saying “can you stop and think why you want to shove an aro character into a romantic relationship at the first chance you get?? maybe you have some arophobia you haven’t worked on?? maybe since we live in an amatonormative world, you’re letting that influence your views??” because that question being the first thing out of your mouth when you see a character you like confirmed as aro? that’s already disrespectful towards aros in my book.

So back to my question, Why do you want to ship aromantic characters? is it because you can’t write characters without them being in romantic relationships? or because you think a character without a romantic relationship is boring? Because if so, that’s a bad reason and it sounds like amatonormativity is rotting your brain.

Is it because you just really like a ship with the aro character? Because you can write two characters with a strong relationship without writing them as a couple. A strong friendship can hold just as much power as a romantic relationship.

Is it because fuck aros, i will write what I wanna write and I don't wanna write this character with their canon identity? because then you’re just an arophobic asshole that needs to work on your shitty opinions. aro representation is just as important as any other lgbtqia+ representation.

Now if you’re reading this and thinking “well i heard aros can be in queerplatonic relationships!” I want you to think for a second. Are you writing a qpr or are you writing a romantic relationship with the serial numbers filed off? Have you talked to aro people or read stuff actually written by us? because, yes, some qprs can look a lot like a romantic relationship from the outside, but that’s just it, you’re looking at it from the outside. qprs are more than just “romantic relationship with extra steps”, and i think it’s really telling how many times i see alloromantic people saying they’re depicting an aro character in a qpr, not a romantic relationship, but then they never ever make any effort to distinguish the qpr from any other romantic relationship they write or draw. It just feels like qprs are getting used by alloros as a gatcha any time an aro person objects to how they depict (or don’t depict) aromanticism. if you want to write a character in a qpr then go for it! but you need to actually do research, talk to aros, get multiple opinions and not just take the first opinion that agrees with you and run with it.

“But what about headcanoning a character as arospec?” now i will say before i go into this, i am aro, not arospec, so if an arospec person wants to come in and correct me at any part here im happy to listen. but my problem when alloros bring up arospec identities is a very similar problem to how qprs are often depicted. I remember when Peridot Stevenuniverse got confirmed aro (she did, do not argue this with me) people were jumping over themselves to assure everyone that “a character getting confirmed as aro just means they are any arospec identity” which,, uhh,, not true? i mean if an arospec person wants to see a canon aro character as, say, aroflux, i’ve got no problem, aro and arospec people can do what they want really. but, i do have a problem with all the alloro fans who were spreading this. because, do you really see the character as demiromantic? or are you using that identity to deflect criticism from erasing aro identities? are you actually trying to write a good depiction of a demiro person? or are you just writing normal ship stuff and slapping a “uwu ive never felt romantic attraction until i met you! and now i will act exactly like any alloromantic person!” at the beginning? being in fandom spaces, i do see the occasional fic actually depicting an aspec identity (i say aspec her because aro is so rare that most of these examples i’ve seen have been acespec identities rather than arospec) but like 99% of the time, that’s written by someone who actually shares the identity. before you use our terms and identities to cover your ass when you erase us, consider not fucking doing that. consider listening to all aros and getting our thoughts and input.

And last here is “but what about romance positive aros?” now i think most of what i’ve said previously can be applied here. the only thing i wanna add is, i think its very interesting that almost every time i see non aros depict aros, they always write them as very into romance, very open to be in romantic relationships, and very quiet about their aro identity. despite the character in canon not showing any of these traits. romance positive aros are good and important, but not every aro is romance positive. there’s quite a few of us that are romance repulsed, and alloros only depicting aros as super romance positive no matter what is suspicious to say the least. if an aro character is shown to be open to participating in romantic activities in canon then of course write them that way. but if an aro character is shown to be uninterested in, or even actively against romantic activities then respect that too.

so, to wrap up my thoughts in this ramble: please ask yourself why you want to ship aro characters so bad, because if the only reason is that amatonormativity has brainwashed you into not being able to write, or draw, or do anything with a character without them being in a romantic relationship, then you uhhh need to work on that, that’s honestly a writing/creative flaw imo. if you like the relationship dynamic between an aro character and another character, consider making them friends. friendship is not less powerful than romantic relationships. nobody is ever too old for the power of friendship trope. If you’re erasing an aro character’s identity because fuck aros, then fuck off somewhere far away from me and work on your bullshit. qprs, arospec identities, and romance positive aros are all very real, very important parts of the aro community, but please talk to other aros about them and actually make an effort to understand how these things work, dont just assume. And also don’t use these things as a way to erase aro identities and cover your ass if get called out. its disrespectful towards all aros.

The most important thing to do before writing or creating work with aro characters is to talk to aros, and not just the aros that agree with you. look up what a qpr actually is, learn how aros experience their arospec identities, talk to aros with multiple outlooks on romance. and if you can’t bring yourself to reach out, at least read through our own writings, whether that’s fiction, or informational posts, fuck, look through our memes if u wanna. Just please actually make an effort.

So, Can you ship aro characters? its complicated. look at trends in your fandom, question why you want to, and do research. Be an aro ally, listen to us. That’s really the most important thing.

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ynscrazylife · 4 years ago

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i’m a simple gal...... i like seeing natasha being overprotective and a little homicidal SO could i please request some cute mentor!almost itherlynat x reader? maybe reader gets badly hurt during training or someone on the team hurts her feelings? mamabear stabs? 🥺

More Than A Mentor | n.r fluff fic

Summary: After an accident, Y/N realizes her and Natasha’s relationship goes beyond mentor and mentee.

Authors Note: Thank you for requesting! I’ve missed writing Marvel/Natasha.

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 | Main Masterlist

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/marvelocks

Natasha was not an easy mentor, and Y/N learned that quickly. She was understanding and patient, yes, but she also knew when to push Y/N and went to be a little stricter.

The thing was, Y/N was never completely sure what side she’d get of her mentor at what time - though she found herself not having to worry about it after . . . The Accident.

That disastrous day would go down in the team’s history, yet no one liked to talk about it. It was a day Y/N would never forget: it changed . . . everything.

It was one of the rare days that Y/N wasn’t training with Natasha. She had a meeting with Fury so Steve filled in for her. Y/N was not accustomed to training with a super soldier, and had to quickly adjust (it didn’t make it any easier that he had his shield, too).

She was doing well - at least, she wanted to think that she was - and so far had deflected almost every punch from Steve, managing to get one or two punches against him herself.

Nonetheless, the air was knocked out of her when Steve slammed her against the mat. She grunted, angry only fueling the pain when she saw that stupid smirk on his face, and used that to her advantage; he wouldn’t expect her to recover so quickly (and in truth, neither did she) but she did it anyway, throwing all her weight against the Captain. She secured he legs around his waist like Natasha taught her and, using the strength in her legs and pushing his broad shoulders, just about managed to get herself out from being pinned on the mat. Now, though, they were both sorta sitting on the mat, so Y/N kneed him in the chest, pushing him down.

“You’re good,” he whispered, just slightly out of breath, before he - seemingly without using any strength at all - threw her to the side where she rolled.

Y/N cursed under her breath, getting her feet. It was impossible to win against a super-soldier! Think, Y/N, think, what did Natasha teach you? Cmon!

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve grabbing his shield, and got in a stance to either catch it or evade it - she hadn't decided yet - when yells distracted her. In her hyped up, adrenaline-pumped state, the first thing that came to Y/N’s mind was that someone was hurt. She was about to call of the training when a large, solid force smacked into her stomach, sending her flying into the air where she hit the wall, losing consciousness.

Steve's eyes widened, not thinking it’d actually hit her, and jumped into action. “Who the hell screamed?” The blonde yelled as he ran to his fallen teammate. He carefully turned her on her back and looked her over for injuries, seeing bruises and bleeding starting to form on her stomach and ankle and her head bleeding.

Bucky and Sam practically crashed inside the room, trying to beat each other.

“He threatened me!” Sam exclaimed.

“He tried to steal my metal arm!” Bucky defended.

Both men came to a screeching halt when they digested the scene, though. Steve rolled his eyes at his idiotic friends and tried to put pressure on Y/N’s head wound. “Sam, get Bruce, please. Tell him to prepare med - and Bucky, get Natasha. She’ll want to be here,” he ordered, and the men nodded, guilty.

Steve carefully picked Y/N up in his arms and hoisted her into the air, carrying her to med where Bruce and Helen were, Sam explaining the situation to them. Instantly, Helen jumped into action. She instructed Steve to lay Y/N down on one of the med’s beds and then ushered the men out of the room, where she then began grabbing various medical things and assessing Y/N’s injuries, instructing Bruce to hook her up to an IV.

Steve and Sam stood outside, not saying a word to each other, both pacing back and forth. They did not have to be silent for long, though, because pounding footsteps soon approached and the men looked up to see a very furious Natasha with Bucky trailing behind her.

The redhead’s eyes fell onto the closed med doors and huffed, turning back to Steve. “I leave her with you for training one day and she gets hurt?!” She demanded, crossing her arms and glaring at him.

Steve swallowed. “Nat, I-” He began to say, but was cut off.

“What happened?” Natasha asked.

Steve glanced up at her, first irritated when she asked him a question and then interrupted him whilst he was answering, but backed off when he saw the urgency, the nervousness in her eyes; she was scared. Scared that Y/N was really hurt and guilty.

“We were training. I threw my shield at her, expecting her to catch it or duck . . . But Sam and Buck distracted her and it hit her,” he said, not wanting to throw his friends under the bus but also knowing he had to be truthful.

Natasha stood in place, processing the information. She took a breath, and had almost completely calmed down when Bucky decided to open his mouth.

“Y’know, if anything we tested her. What if someone yelled during a mission? Is she gonna get distracted then?” He mumbled, not really meaning it but wanting to spare him and Sam Natasha’s wrath.

Karma’s a bitch, though, because it did the exact opposite.

If you blinked you’d miss it: Natasha swiftly turned and pushed Bucky against the wall, pinning him there with his hands above his hand.

“Don’t you dare start blaming this on Y/N, you hear me?” She said in a low tone, glaring.

Bucky quickly nodded and Natasha released him. When she did, the door opened and Helen appeared.

“She’ll be okay—” Helen began, and Natasha let out a breath of relief, “—but she does need to be off training for at least a month. She has a concussion, broken ankle, and . . . the shield sort of stabbed her in her stomach.”

It took a couple moments for all four to digest this. Steve paled and Natasha’s crossed arms for tighter as she bit her lip. “Can I see her?” She asked.

“She’s still unconscious, but yes,” Helen answered, nodding.

Natasha almost failed to contain the gasp lurching to leave her throat when she saw Y/N, all bandaged up. The spy gulped and sat down beside her, not knowing what else to do other than sit there, and had no clue what she’d say when Y/N woke up because she sure as hell wasn’t leaving her. Thankfully, Natasha had some time to think it out.

Almost a day later and Natasha hadn’t left — Clint had convinced her to go sleep and eat for a couple hours, but that was it — and now, Y/N woke up.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Y/N murmured in a haze of confusion, squinting her eyes to see her mentor curled up in a chair, reading a big book.

Natasha snapped her head up and immediately sat forward, a smile covering her face. “Y/N! You’re awake? How are you feeling? And how many times have I told you to call me ‘Natasha’?”

Y/N blushed but nodded. “I’m fine, probably the painkillers’ doing though . . . How long was I out?” She said.

“Around a day,” Natasha answered.

“Did you . . . Did you stay here?” Y/N asked again, a little smaller this time, playing with her blanket.

“Most of it, yeah,” Natasha murmured, relaxing into the chair.

“Really? You’re-you’re not mad?” Y/N said, eyes wide and jaw dropped in surprised.

Natasha scrunched her face up. “What? No — of course I’m not mad! You’re like my daughter! How could I be—?”

Natasha was cut off by Y/N’s loud, yet thankful gasp. The teenager sat up and wrapped her arms around Natasha and, after a moment, Natasha smiled and wrapped her arms around her too.

Y/N truly was like her daughter, and mothers were always protective over their children.

Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @hehehehannahthings @paulawand @blackbat2020 @cerberus-spectre @marrymemcgrath @celestialbarnes @narcissasslytherin @snipyloulou

MCU Taglist: @stephanieromanoff @summerlovingbaby @ineffablebean @okkulta @procrastinatingsapphictrash @prettysbliss @mochamoff @sarahp-stan @thewidowsghost @basiclesbianbitch @mycosmicparadise @kidswhofightmonsters @extraordinary-fangrl @peggycarter-steverogers @username23345 @ima-gi--na-tion @hateinthemorning @hi-i-1 @mmmmokdok @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @mads-weasley @tenaciousperfectionunknown

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caroldantops · 3 years ago

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inspired by the ask game i just did, here’s a little compilation of my favorite and the funniest comments ive received on my fics this year, from both tumblr and ao3

is this bragging? no, im simply posting reviews as if i am making a trailer for my blog.

i could be your favorite girl

“this was so freaking good. and i think it’s become one of my favourite wanda fics ever. the way it was written was just so incredible, especially with how you built up the sexual tension. i also enjoyed how the tension was attempted to be alleviated by darcy’s quips too. truly amazing”

“Fuck, I’m in love with Milf!Wanda...”

“Holy shit, that was smoking! I really love your writing style, second person perspective isn't easy and you frickin kill it.”

“God I am so deep into the mommy kink it’s not even funny”

please don’t go (i’ll eat you whole)

“To be fair, anyone who's reading this fic needs therapy, so we're all in this together at the very least.”

“I love how this progressed and how you didn’t make it seem like anything wrong was happening until Monica said something. Honestly that’s how I felt despite knowing how this was going to end darkly, there weren’t any serious line crossing red flags that came up until she said something. And it was a shocker when things changed so abruptly. I loved this.”

“also,, is it bad that i really want agatha as my therapist now? 😰 she seems everything i’ve ever wanted in a therapist (and I don’t mean her different..... methods....., i promise)”

“okay... WOW. i loved this. i have a therapist, she’s lovely, but if agatha was offering therapy lessons... phew, i may have to switch!"

“maybe i should take my friends advice and see a therapist....”

“haha funny i commented this cause my mom put me in therapy. i hope my therapist is hot?😭”

“As excellent as it is fucked up. Five stars.”

hot milfs in your area

“how did i know it was you caroldantops.”

“YES THE GENDER NEUTRAL PRONOUNS IM DROOLING. but also the good girl? only hot milfs can misgender me and ONLY when they’re railing the absolute SHIT out of me.”

“…”

“hey silver what’s it like to own my entire ass asking for a friend”

“don’t mind me just suddenly gaining handywoman abilities to service these women to the best of my ability 🤧”

“pornhub bout to be bankrupt after this”

girls on film

“Who needs pornhub when this is happening. Well done.”

“Cheese and fuckin' rice”

“bitches bros and non-binary hoes we have a new winner for the hottest content on this website”

lemonade stand

“This title is definitely GOLDEN”

“I don't have a piss kink, but this was still hot.”

“I am literally going to punch you in the face for giving me a piss kink. Fuck you.”

“someones getting scalped. Not gonna say who, but we all know it’s the person who gave me a piss kink.”

“Im really dramatic- i dont mean any of it!“

infect me with your lovin’, fill me with your poison

“This is not nasty - this is a GEM! Sweet and sexy, you made an extreme tag somewhat romantic - I mean, what even! So good!!! And I can hear her voice as I read and just... shivers! I never imagined I'd read a kidnapped reader breeding fic and actually wish that would happen to me! I mean, Agatha is so kind and caring, and reader is living the life!“

“ummmm ummmmm ummmmmm ummmmm”

“maybe i WILL let aliens experiment on me....”

“touching some grass won't help me anymore”

“HELLO?!?!?!? I WOULD SELL AN ORGAN FOR THIS!!!! ALL MY ORGANS, I DON’T NEED THEM.”

“I think you might have an Agatha-in-office-chairs kink?“

this isnt even close to covering all the comments in tags and in my inbox that ive gotten that i love as well ❤ all of your comments make me laugh or make my heart grow 3 sizes and going thru all these again made me so happy. thank u all for supporting me thru the year i hope i can write more fics that send u all to therapy in 2022 💕💕

#love tag #also @ my writer friends i highly recommend going thru old comments from the last year #whether u post them like me or not #its very nice to go back to ones u forgot and be like omg yea. ppl do like what i do!

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insufferablelust · 4 years ago

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[𝒲 𝐸 𝐿 𝒞 𝒪 𝑀 𝐸] ~ 🪽

Hello and welcome to my tumblr! I go by the name vaa, and I am 22 years old (at the time this is edited). for those seeking pieces of fiction writings you have come to the right place. Before you dive in, please adhere to the rules of this blog. If you can not respect these rules then I do not consent on my writings to be read or shared.

I write ONLY for people of the age 18+ please respect that I do not consent nor do I recommend MINORS to read my writings or just to come to my blog.

If you are a MINOR, do NOT interact in any way, and that includes do NOT read my fiction/posts.

My writings are completely FICTIONAL and does not in any way reflect or represent the characters in real life.

So far I have written for Criminal Minds character, Matthew Gray Gubler, and Byun Baekhyun, HOTD Characters. However I have works in progress on many other characters that may be present in my writings.

You may send asks/requests, my inbox is always open but I hold no promises of getting to them in time solely because I prioritize my health, especially my mental health due to my illness. So please understand if I do not get to your asks quickly.

Masterlist to all my works (so far, will be updated as new fics come) is just below here, enjoy:

MASTERLIST! ❤️ (18+ only)

hello everyone! this is the long awaited masterlist, hope you enjoy! blurb and taglists are open!! thank you, xx d.

please note that i’m suffering from borderline personality disorder which associated with impulsivity and inconsistency, and i experience varying manic episodes during the most inconvenient times so if i don’t upload for more than few days or update, i apologize beforehand.

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON

Aemond Targaryen

Ravish [Byka Zaldrīzes]

Bind by her betrothal to the rider of Vhagar, the daughter of Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen meets Aemond Targaryen to find herself getting more than she ever expected. (smut)

Gevī [Beautiful]

Two dragons, hatched from the same womb, nurtured by the same hands, yet bestowed with different fates— how do you, rekindle your love for Aemond after he has left you to pursue your mother and brother’s wishes? well he will show you how. (smut)

The Prince Regent [can be read as a sequel to Gevī or a standalone]

There are rumors floating around after the march of the greens in Rook’s rest, you were shocked when you learned of what has happened, rushed to confront your brother— you were made to once again quell the madness within with rekindling the fire with him.

Geto Suguru

Havoc!

He worships the ground you walked, a man with such harsh exterior is soft around you, but what kind of havoc does he create in exploring your pleasure?

Byun Baekhyun

Mrs. Byun

How does waking up beside the love of your life feels like?

Criminal Minds

The Artist And His Muse

the one where Y/N is a Supervisory Special Agent at the BAU in Quantico, Virginia along with the mysterious Dr.Reid, whom know too much about her past than she wanted him or everybody to know for that matter. her dark past is the only thing that could destroy her or save her, and along with it comes more trouble when their relationship entangles.

Warnings : Dark fic!, Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, SMUT, Detailed description of gore, murder, blood,psychological and physical abuse, slow burn, BDSM relationship, masochism, exhibitionism, sensory deprivation, impact play, Subspace, praise kink, breath play, bondage, rough sex, degradation, humiliation, orgasm control, switch!both, vanilla stuff. ITS FILTHY AND DARK, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK PLEASE.

Chapter I : Picasso’s signature.

Chapter II : Stuttering daydream.

Chapter III : My cherry lollipop.

Chapter IV : Secrets in C minor.

Chapter V : Swan lake’s ballet.

Chapter VI : Dominance, Submission.

Chapter VII : Worship, Submit.

Chapter VIII : Broken healer.

Chapter IX : Haunted Wisdom. Coming Soon!

On process!

Pretty Little Thing

Started out as an innocent encounter between a student and her professor, Y/N turned out to be not as innocent as Spencer thought she was. In fact, she might even be the eviler twin of cat adams herself.

WARNINGS : SSA + PROFESSOR!SPENCER REID x SUPPOSEDLY UNSUB!READER, Dark kinks, smut, murders, isolation, psychotic behaviors, mentions of cat adams, extreme manipulation and gaslighting, dom/sub undertone, Dom!Spence, Sub!Reader, Switch!both, Knife play, Gun play, Breath play, Masochism, BDSM, hard dark kinks you’ve been warned. It’s a dark fic okay.

Chapter I : Pure as dew.

Chapter II : Clean Puppets.

Chapter III : Temporary revelations.

Chapter IV : His forbidden desire

on process!

THRILLED (Matthew Gray Gubler fic)

There is duality in some people, and by some- it’s Matthew with the goofy smiles and warm acts, no one really knew what he really like huh?

WARNINGS : THIS FIC IS A FANTASY ONLY NO WAY REFLECTING THE ACTUAL BEHAVIOUR OF THE CHARACTER IN REAL LIFE, HEAVY SMUT, Sadist!Matthew x Sub/bratty!reader, harsh kinks, degradation, humiliation, sex dungeon, BDSM setting, Exhibitionism, Vanilla :), breath play, knife play, impact play, pain kink, many more kinks, fluff, angst, yeah you’ve been warned.

Chapter I : Trouble in Heaven

chapter II : Dungeon of the Forbidden Fruits.

Chapter III : Elongated Pleasure

Chapter IV : Little Mess

Chapter V : Pathetic Sins.

Chapter VI : Paradise in Paris.

Chapter VII : U-shaped love

Chapter VIII : Sweet Bratty Rendezvous. COMING SOON

Blurbs or Oneshot on Thrilled!Au

Naughty list (Christmas Special) set in between chapter VIII and IX

Little Butterfly (Sugar Daddy-Mob Boss!Spencer Reid x Reader AU)

WARNINGS : UPCOMING VIOLENCE, HEAVY SMUT, daddy kink, degradation, humiliation, 80′s Mob era, Don!Reid, Manipulation, Murder, Dark kinks (Gun, Knife, Bondage etc) BDSM THEMED, Subspace, Mean!Spencer, Naive!Reader, Heavy Topics of Mental ilness, Breath Play, Impact play, Master-Kitten, Heatbreak, Aftercare, Spencer is not kind to being loved, ANGST, Fluff, just the best of both worlds. MORE WARNINGS WILL BE ADDED AS THE SERIES PROGRESSED, THANK YOU AND READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Chapter I : The Young Don.

Chapter II A : Naive Angel.

Chapter II B : Unfinished business.

Chapter III : Hello, dove. COMING SOON.

Blurb or Oneshot on Lb!AU

Cockwarming don!Reid with others outside.

LONG BLURBS/IMAGINES/FANFIC (MIX!CM CHARACTERS AND Casts x Reader)

(!) SMUT

The one where Spencer is fuming and jealous. (!)Dom!Spencer Smut, Hints of Degradation, Slight exhibitionism, Car Sex, Jealous!Spencer.

The one where its the Reader and Spencer’s one year anniversary, and they play a game. (!) Absolute porn of Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, Bratty!Reader, Degradation, Slight Exhibitionism, Office Sex, Some Fluff, just.. Filth :)

The one where Reader wants to be the one that take charge. (!)(+) Sub!Spencer x Dom!Reader, Just filthy SMUT, Ice play, Slight Exhibitionism, Bondage, Aftercare, Edging, Teasing, They’re both actually switch, Blindfold! thats it!

The one where Y/N has an oral fixation, and MGG is sweaty. (!) Dom!MGG x Sub!Reader, fiancées, FILTHY SMUT, oral fixations, degradation via name callings, daddy kink, mentions of wedding, mention of breeding kink, over stimulation, thigh riding, detailed description of sex, just filthy. And some fluff!

The one where Y/N just decided to distract Mgg and ended up a mess. (!) Dom!Mgg x Sub!Reader, Smut, Rough sex, Degradation by name calling, Dacryphilia, Slight Exhibitionism, Slight breeding kink, Edging, Denied orgasm, Overstimulation, Mirror sex, Mean dom!Mgg, aftercare fluff (+), thats it i think :) just filth.

The one where Y/N just love to tease Brat Tamer!Spencer. (!) Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, Smut, Rough fingering, Degradation by name calling, Exhibitionism, Punishment by spankings, Brat tamer-esque!Spencer, Bratty!Reader. Like i always said... just filth.

The one where Y/N decided that teasing Matthew on set is the way to go. (!) Dom!Mgg x Sub!reader, Smut, Rough car sex, Punishment by spanking and overstimulation, Degradation by name calling, Bratty!Reader, Just filth filth filth car sex filth! with fluffy fluffs on the end.

The one where Y/N is a good girl for Spencer, she has always been a good girl for him. (!) (+) Soft!Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, Smut, Praise kink, Deep Subspace, Oral (F receiving), bit of cute rough sex, aftercare, Fluff!!

The one where Y/N finally get a taste of her own medicine. (!!) Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, post prison spencer, filthy smut, rough sex, daddy kink, rough spencer, pain kink, masochism, spit play, pet names (bunny, little girl, princess etc), big age gap (but reader is NOT UNDER AGE/A MINOR), degradation by name calling, slight exhibitionism, just filthy rough smut with fluffy after care!

The one where Y/N was so deep in subspace after a night of full on rough adventure (!!) Warnings : Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, Daddy kink, Subdrop, subspace, DDLG undertones, all the characters are 21+ years old, Tiny bit of degradation, soft and rough sex at the same time, its just so cute yet fucking filthy.

The one where Spencer takes absolute control (!!) Warnings : Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, heavy Smut, bit of name calling, mention of overstimulation, choking, not so heavy stuff compared to my other works heheh, oh and fluff galore.

The one where daddydom!Spencer gives you the belting of your life and you fall into a nice subspace.

Matthew’s breeding kink with wife!reader blurb.

making a sex tape with dom!spencer blurb.

dom!Spencer overstimulating reader blurb.

Matthew’s innocent kink blurb.

(-) ANGST

The one where Y/N loves Spencer, but she might already be too late. (~) SSA!Reader x Spencer, ANGST, fluff at the end, blowjob reference, heartbreaking stuff, mention of anxiety attack, and just sad but cute at the end :)

(+) FLUFF

The one where Y/n and Spencer Reid Cuddles on the jet, and the team realizing just how smitten they are. (+) Spencer x Reader.

The one where The team went out to celebrate after a case and a certain genius duo may secretly have a crush on each other. (+) Super cute drunk reader x Spencer, Platonic Bau x Reader.

The one where the reader is a new young Agent in the BAU, who messed up one day and Aaron comes to her rescue. (+) (~) Aaron x SA!Reader, Fluffy caring Aaron, Tw : Mental disorder, Blood, Scars, Guns, and the usual CM stuff!, oh and Mean!Strauss :)

The one where the reader let Spencer knows that he’s going to be a dad. (+) Husband!Spencer x Wife!Reader, FLUFFY GALORE!!, Pregnancy.

The one where Wife!Reader is under the radar for her own protection, but kindergarteners never took no for an answer. (+) Husband!Spencer x Wife!Reader, FLUFF!, its so cute- honestly one of my favorites, Description of a murder case, Snippets of Domestic life with Spencer, brief mention of Maeve, Just.. its so cute okay:)

The one where Y/N remembered the night Spencer asked her the big question. (+) Spencer x Reader, FLUFF!!, cute stuff. oop

MORE TO COME! BLURB REQ AND TAGLIST ARE OPEN, PLEASE MESSAGE ME :)

#insufferableblurb #insufferablemasterlist

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h2bakugou · 3 years ago

Note

oh my god hi, ive binge read all your stuff recently tbh XD

Can i request a song fic for one Bakuhoe please? I feel “Fruit Roll Ups” by Waterparks would work perfectly for him (x gn!reader ofc)

I hope that made sense? yeah sorry XD THANK YOU IF YOU DO akskhfjfkdka

a/n: hii!! yes! i just started playing this song to write this request, and i am HOOKED. it's so good, and it radiates such bakugou energy.

summary: bakugou realizes he has a bit of a soft spot for you.

song: Fruit Roll Ups by Waterparks

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff

word count: 1k (lyrics included)

> fanart < made by the lovely @windex-princess-ami for this story!!

;cut for length;

»»————-　★　————-««

I got some Fruit By The Foot if you wanna come over Yeah, you can wrap your arms so tight Right 'round my shoulders In case you're scared of the movies I pick I'm sorry in advance for that shit

Your phone screen illuminates with a text from your boyfriend who's deemed 'katsu bae<3' in your contacts. His message is short and sweet, saying he picked up from snacks for your arranged movie night if you were ready to head on over.

You shoot a message back saying you'd be over in a few minutes. You'd been looking forward to spending a bit more time with him. Training had kept the both of you busy lately.

You look forward to cuddling with him because you know he'll pick something spooky, maybe a thriller. You know he's just using it as an excuse for you to snuggle into him. But you don't mind.

Bakugou feels a little bad for making you watch stupid scary movies that he finds to be rather annoying or funny while you may jump or cling to him when he wants to bust out laughing.

When you talk It's in cursive to me And it's nicer than anything I'd believe about me It's like that shit was written in gel pen And I love those

You're sitting in his lap this time around, his arms draped around your shoulders. You're just chatting about your day but Bakugou is kind of zoning out. He's listening, but he's just hearing your voice. It's angelic and beautiful.

He can't quite understand how you can sound so beautiful, almost like your voice was writing in cursive, the delicate strokes were the way you sounded out his name.

And whenever you complimented him, he felt warm inside. Whenever you said anything about him, he felt warm inside. You were so kind. So loving. He wasn't sure how you just seemed to brush his brashness aside, but you did, and it astounded him.

If you want to see me Acting so desperately So desperately All you gotta do is stop texting me Just to flex on me

Bakugou can't stand it when you text him all the time, asking him to come over when you're laying in bed, blowing up his phone even though he's supposed to be sleeping.

He's not mad. He's jealous. He wants to be right there beside you, but he isn't. He replies 'if you wanna see me so bad then just come over.' but you usually just tell him to go to bed and that it's past his little bedtime.

Bakugou knows you just love messaging him goodnight whenever it is you go to sleep. And he'll wait for those messages. And if it's been too long, and you don't respond, you'll always wake up with a 'goodnight dumbass <3' from him in the morning, way too late for him to have stayed up.

It's true I'm a little bitch for you now I don't wanna say it way too loud But I'm a little bitch for you now

Bakugou hates it. The way you make him feel. It's the good kind of hate, the kind of hate you learn to love. Like hearing that one song on repeat so much you end up adding it to your playlist because you have it memorized at this point anyway.

He feels warm and happy. He feels like maybe he doesn't deserve someone like you. You're so perfect, so perfect for him, maybe too perfect even.

Bakugou can't help but mumble to himself that he's gotten soft, and Kaminari's teasing comments certainly don't help either. He's supposed to be the tough number one hardass, but here you are breaking him out of that stupid little box he's locked himself in to try and remain on top.

He'd already fallen, fallen so hard and so far for you.

I bought these really sick lights if you wanna come over They tried to scam me twice But look, they both can change colors like that Like that, oh oh

Bakugou refuses to send you any regular pictures after Kaminari practically bought those LED light strips for him. Though it was far too hard to actually purchase them and install them, Bakugou's always sending you some pic in the pretty red lights or moody blue ones.

You enjoy laying on his bed while they're on, listening to him talk about what Deku said to him earlier while you switch them to green just to egg him on. He's complaining shouting at you to change them back to orange or red.

You switch them to your favorite color and now he can't complain-even if your favorite color is green.

I don't wanna leave my house 'Cause in here I'm the ruler With my refrigerator Full of Pacific Cooler But for you, I'd brave all the traffic outside The way you brave all the bullshit I hold inside

When Bakugou leaves the privacy of his loneliness to be with you, he's vulnerable. But he tolerates it, swallowing down those weird feelings he's never really understood before.

But he does it. He braves it for you. The way you stand up to him when he's a jerk to Midoriya, or when he raises his voice at you, or when you spar and he's not holding back. You tell him to let it out. Everything he keeps inside, you tell him you can handle it, and you do.

He doesn't understand how you do it. But he doesn't want to.

Oh it's true, ooh I'm a little bitch for you now I'm a little bitch, oh my God Did I say that too loud? It's true I'm a little bitch for you now I don't wanna say it way too loud But I'm a little bitch for you now

"Fuck, I love you so fuckin' much." Bakugou mumbles against your forehead as you cuddle.

You smile against his chest, nuzzling into him more. He freezes when he feels your smile.

"You didn't hear that..." He replies softly, nuzzling himself into your hair, flustered by his own words of admiration for you.

"You know I love you just as much right? Even if it sounds cheesy." You lift your head to look him in his crimson-colored eyes. He just hums quietly, leaning down to press a little kiss to your cheek.

"I know. I just, wanna remember this moment for a while." Bakugou replies, closing his eyes as he holds you close.

"You wanna split a fruit roll-up after?" You ask quietly.

"Mhm."

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

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darthkruge · 4 years ago

Text

Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Help

Summary: The five times the Senator!Reader needs Anakin’s help but refuses to ask for it and the one time they do

Warnings: Language, reader is afraid of vulnerability, reader is going through it, angst, violence, fluff (it ends on a positive note, I promise)

Words: 4k

A/N: This idea has kinda been bouncing around my head for a hot minute and I finally decided to just go ahead and write it. And somehow it became the longest fic I’ve ever written! Is this self-indulgent? Who’s to say?!

(not my gif)

Okay, so a right, then a left, then another left, then-

You groaned. You’d been going over the cryptic instructions Padme gave you back at the temple but they were, unfortunately, not helping. It was your first time alone in Coruscant and you were completely lost in the painfully literal sense. You had just been given your first actual mission with the Council as a senator, something you’d worked your entire career for. As an added bonus, you were on the same planet as your boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker.

You’d gotten close over the last year and were elated when he asked you on a date the last time you were in the same place. This was the first time you were together in the two weeks it had been since then.

Anyway, you were currently wandering around the bustling Coruscant streets, looking for the market. Well, you were looking for the market. Now, you realized you would probably never find it and were just trying to make your way back.

You debated calling Anakin. You could. He would be able to guide you home easily, you rationalized. But it’s Coruscant! How difficult could it be? If people came here for missions all the time and didn’t get hopelessly lost, so could you! And Anakin was probably busy anyway, you didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, the relationship was so new! You didn’t want to annoy him. After weighing the odds, you pushed down the urge to reach out and decided to just find your own way.

This logic was ridiculous, you realized far too late. Fuck. There was no way around it, you were going to be late. Or at the very least, cut it exceptionally close. You started running, heart racing. It would be so stupid to be late to your first actual Council meeting because you got lost. You wanted them to take you seriously and think of you as a professional. Tardiness as a first impression went against all of that!

After sprinting and taking several aimless turns, by some stroke of magic you found your way to the Temple. You checked the time and realized you had two minutes to make it to up several flights of stairs.

Fuck it. You decided, taking off in a run. You took the stairs two at a time, stumbling occasionally before unceremoniously bursting through the doors to the meeting.

You gulped in air quickly, chest heaving while you desperately tried to calm your heart. You inelegantly brushed a hand through your hair and gave an awkward smile.

“Hi, uh, everyone! Hi! I’m,” You took a quick break to breathe in some more oxygen as your gaze shifted to Anakin. He looked amused and concerned as he took you in. He gave you a discreet and supportive smile and head nod. You gave your own in return. He believes in me. “I’m Senator Y/N L/N”

II.

Honestly, you didn’t know how your speeder had broken. You’d been flying them for years and, despite being a senator, you were pretty damn good at it. It was something that gave you solace as a kid, those little moments of freedom. Even then, though, you were a decently cautious person and didn’t break many of them.

Thus, you ended up in your current predicament. Staring at the fried wires under the hood of your speeder, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. You knew Anakin was freakishly talented at fixing basically everything. He could probably look at the speeder for 10 minutes, know what’s wrong with it, and get it back to you in perfect shape.

You think this is why you don’t want to tell him. What if he thought you were stupid? Shouldn’t you be able to figure this out yourself? You fought with your instincts, feeling the conflict build inside you.

You knew he wouldn’t judge you. You knew he’d be glad you came to him for help. Even so, you felt physically incapable of moving to call or find him.

Frustrated, you turned back to your work. You decided to pull this one gear, thinking it might do something. Well, you were right about that. A stream of oil sprayed out of the speeder, coating you in its thick, black paint. You stood there frozen for a second, trying to mentally comprehend that you had just been sprayed with oil because you were too afraid to talk to the man you were in a literal relationship with!!

You groaned, wiping your hands on your pants before grabbing a towel to wipe some of the grease off your face. You walked back into your apartment quickly, praying to the Maker that no one would see you like this. Honestly, they’d probably smell you first and run the other way.

You finally got back without problems and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom. Pulling off your clothes and turning on the hot shower, you sighed as you finally felt the oil washed off your skin. You spent about twenty minutes in there, scrubbing furiously to ensure you didn’t smell like a fucking garage.

Finally, you went out and saw Anakin sitting on your bed, messing with a piece of wiring.

“Hey, Y/N! Did you know your speeder was broken? It looks like you blew a cable, easy fix, don’t worry. I’ll have it ready for you by tonight.”

He looked up and saw your exhausted state and the clump of dirty, grease ridden clothes you were holding.

His brow furrowed, trying to piece it together. “Maker, what happened to you?”

“I had a fight with the speeder. And lost”

Anakin bit back a laugh before his confusion compounded. “Wait, you know I can fix this, right? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. I mean, I did something and broke an entire speeder and somehow didn’t even know what I broke! It’s humiliating!”

“Cables are hard, it’s not your fault you didn’t know what to do, love.”

“Really?” You asked, unconvinced.

“Really. Come on, let’s go throw those clothes in the wash and I’ll get back to fixing this.”

“Oh, no, Ani you don’t have to-”

Anakin cut you off with a kiss, distracting you enough to quickly take the clothes from your hands.

“I’ll have it ready within the hour, my love.”

III.

Who the fuck decided to put the plates that high up?!

You jumped again and again, arm outstretched as far as possible. Once again, you didn’t even get close. Sighing, you looked around the apartment and noticed a ladder. It looked a bit unsteady but you would be fine, right? You were a whole ass senator, you were sure you could handle an old ladder.

Pulling it over to you, you climbed up and reached out. Much closer this time, but you still couldn’t reach them. You went on your tiptoes, eyebrows furrowed and lip bit in concentration. You angled your body just a little further, a little further-

The ladder was suddenly ripped out from under you and you desperately shot your arms out, hands clawing to try and stop your imminent fall onto the hard kitchen tiles. Bracing yourself for the inevitable pain, you squeezed your eyes closed.

“Y/N!!” You heard as your fall suddenly stopped. You opened your eyes and noticed you were barely floating above the floor. Anakin ran toward you and noticed the ladder strewn on the floor beside you.

“What the hell were you doing?” He said, offering you his hand and pulling you up.

“I was just-” You gesture lamely to the plates, realizing how ridiculous you must look.

“Y/N, no one can reach those! Next time, just call me, I’ll get them for you!”

“But-” You sigh, hating this. “I wanted to be able to do this, I don’t want to rely on you and your Jedi powers all the time”

Anakin’s gaze softened. He knew you had trouble relying on others. Even so, he couldn’t even start to think of what would have happened if he’d arrived home even 10 seconds later.

“I know, baby, I know. But, please, try. You’d have to rely on me a lot more if you break your legs falling off a ladder.”

“I know” You reply softly, giving him a shy smile. “I’m working on it, I promise”

IV.

You’d been up all night working on a new presentation for the Council. You’d spent hours going over it, the facts, the plans, the details. Everything was set. Well, everything except one little piece. To make your point stronger, you needed the statistics from the latest Jedi missions.

The only people with access to those were Anakin and Obi-Wan. You knew, logically, that if you asked Anakin he’d give them to you without hesitation. He supported you always and knew that you only used your power as a senator to improve lives.

Even so, there was that part of your brain that told you he wouldn’t give them to you. He would think you’re just trying to use him for his connections as a Jedi. Or perhaps he simply wouldn’t care enough to search through the reports to find the information.

All of this was, of course, completely inaccurate. But you’d never had someone who actually wanted to help you. It's always been “okay I’ll do this for you but only if you do this for me, too.” No one ever looked out for you and you’d grown accustomed to it. It’d become almost comforting, in a way. At least you knew what to expect.

This was how you ended up seeing your beautiful boyfriend across the halls of the Jedi temple and walking another way. Your heart tugged painfully and your brain screamed at you. Why don’t you allow yourself to trust him? Why would you assume the worst? Why can’t you fight these thoughts?

You took one more look back at him. You didn’t want to be closed off by any stretch of the imagination. You wished you could turn off the thoughts and the doubt. You knew Ani didn’t deserve it. You sighed. There he was, training by himself in the courtyard. You looked away and took a moment to compose yourself before your legs carried you away and toward your good friend.

“Hey, Obi-Wan, could you help me with something for the next Council meeting?”

You were running. You were running and as fast as you moved, you never got closer to him. You were never safe. A masked figure was chasing you and you just couldn’t get away. Your legs burned with the effort, your lungs straining to grasp oxygen. You were exhausted to your core, your sheer panic the only thing keeping you awake.

You looked back and saw the man gaining on you. Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You knew what he was capable of and had no doubt he would kill you if he caught you. You didn’t want to die, not like this. You didn’t want him to beat you. You were so, so scared. You screamed as he caught up to you, your body no longer moving. You pleaded with your legs to work, reasoned with the heavens, did anything you could, and yet you wouldn’t budge.

The stranger’s claw of a hand twisted around your neck, squeezing. You fought. It was pointless. You began to black out, feeling the life slip out of your body. Dark spots appeared in the corners of your vision and you tried once again to kick your way out of his grasp-

You bolted awake, eyes shooting open. Your chest was heaving and tear stains marked your cheeks. You placed your hands on the bed sheets, bunching them up and trying to feel the texture to remind yourself that you were safe. You tried to breathe, tried to calm yourself but nothing was working.

You got up, pacing quietly. Out of all the nights to have a nightmare, it had to be today. The one night you and Anakin weren’t together. Since you had to hide the relationship, you couldn’t technically share an apartment. This didn’t stop you from spending basically every night together, though. His chambers became yours after the first month or so of dating, neither of you wanting to spend time apart.

But, unfortunately, the Council seemed more cautious as of late and you didn’t want to risk it. Thus, you decided to spend tonight apart. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. You grabbed one of his Jedi robes, pulling the black fabric around your body. You were immediately calmed by his scent and wrapped it closer around you. You started to make your way down the hall. You knew it was risky but after that nightmare, you just needed him.

You made it to his apartment, went to knock on the door, and abruptly stopped. What are you doing? You can’t just go to him! He’s exhausted, he’s been working all week! He finally got home from a mission and you want to wake him up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare? It wasn’t even real! Maker, get a hold of yourself, Y/N!

Your hand hovered over the door. You wanted him, you did. But those lingering thoughts, those lingering emotions remained. A childhood of neglect, of constant feelings of unimportance left scars you couldn’t avoid. You hated that your parent’s inability to show you affection or care manifested in your inability to be vulnerable. Despite this, you somehow understood. You’d spent years letting them in and only getting invalidated in return. Like all patterns, this one wouldn’t go away just because you wanted it to.

Now, every time you tried to let Anakin in, it’s like an alarm was tripped in your brain. Every part of you that wanted to allow him to know you was combated with the overwhelming fear that, if you did, if you went to him for comfort or help, he would think of you as a burden. He’d leave, just like the rest of them did. So you pushed the urge for comfort aside, dropped your hand, and made the lonely walk back to your room.

You got back to your room, mentally beating yourself up. You wished your brain worked differently. You wished you would allow yourself to be loved. You wished you could trust, fully and completely. You sighed. Knowing you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you made yourself a cup of tea and sat on your cough, the room solely illuminated by the moonlight. You kept Anakin’s robes around you, wishing it was his arms. You sat like that until morning, sipping the drink on and off until it grew cold. You were zoned out, staring out the window at the Coruscant traffic. Your thoughts either drifted to him or your past trauma. Maker, you wished you could change it.

Fuck. You’d been driving around on your speeder, zipping in and out of alleys, for the last twenty minutes. There was a bounty hunter after you. A damn good bounty hunter, at that. Being a high profile senator, it made sense you’d run into the occasional person trying to kidnap you. Or kill you.

Damn, this bitch is good. You kept trying to lose them but you couldn’t shake them. You didn’t even know who they were but it didn’t matter, you supposed. At the end of the day, regardless of who was in that speeder, they wanted you dead. And if you didn’t figure out how to get out of this mess, you would be.

They’d been shooting at you for a while now but you’d been able to avoid the blasts. Whether it was skill, luck, or a combination of both, you weren’t sure. Even so, you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t shoot back at them, as you stupidly forgot your blaster. Who could blame you, though? All you wanted to do was go for a ride to clear your head, you didn’t expect to be fucking shot at!

You continued like this for a while. All you had to do was get back to the Temple. You were probably about 10 minutes away if you continued at this pace, 7 if you really pushed it. You looked ahead and saw the walls of it come into view and suddenly safety didn’t feel so far away. Despite the circumstances, a smile graced your face. You could do this.

Or maybe not. As you tried to swerve between more buildings, they hit you. You felt your speeder plummet 10 feet instantly and screamed. Your engine sputtered and your heart dropped. Mind racing, you tried to drive but came to the chilling realization that there was no way you’d make it back. Your engine was done for, it wouldn’t make it 3 minutes, yet alone all the way back.

Your mind went to him. Anakin. Fuck, you loved him. You let out a humorless laugh. Since you started dating, you almost never asked him for help. You couldn’t let him in. Something in your brain stopped you every single time. And yet, now, all of that felt stupid. It felt juvenile. When you looked at your speeder, slowly but surely stalling and the bounty hunter approaching, you felt this overwhelming sense of clarity.

You were going to die. This person, they would get to your speeder and shoot you. You didn’t have a single weapon. It was inevitable. Your mind, however, wouldn’t relent. It was stuck on him. In this moment, you pressed the comm button in your speeder, hoping beyond hope that it would still work.

“Y/N?” Anakin’s staticky voice cut through the speeder and went straight to your heart.

“Hey, Ani” You said, your voice broken up with unshed tears.

“Y/N? Where are you? What’s happening?”

“I’m- Anakin, I’m in trouble. A bounty hunter is after me, my speeder is hit and going to stop working probably within the next 20 seconds. I don’t have any weapons to defend myself. I, I, uh, I need your help”

“I’m coming to get you, stay where you are.” His voice was firm, his need to protect you overruling everything else in his body.

“I’m just a few-”

“I’ve got you, love. I can sense you in the Force. I know where you are”

Of course he could. You took a few deep breaths and you speeder sputtered out, stopping in a deserted alleyway. You looked around and saw the bounty hunter, now obviously male, stepping out and making his way towards you.

“He’s here, Anakin” Your voice was tight, anxious. You were quiet, paralyzed by fear.

“Please, Y/N, fuck! Hold on, I’m almost there”

“Ani, Anakin I’m scared! Ani! Ani!” You were hysterical now, screaming and sobbing his name as the man punched the top of your speeder, fracturing the glass. He pulled you out of it by the hair and threw you harshly onto the concrete.

You yelped in pain as he kicked you directly in the ribs. He backhanded you across the face, the power from his hit making blood pool in your mouth. Harshly you spit it onto the ground, looking up at him with pure hate.

He placed the blaster to your head, right on your forehead. You let your eyes flutter closed. Your knees were scraped, legs bruised. You were sure at least one of your ribs was broken. You could feel blood running from your temple. Your arm was radiating pain from landing on it. Despite all this, the only thing you thought of was Anakin. Funny, you thought, how the brain chooses what to focus on in its last moments. All you hoped was that he didn’t feel responsible for your death. All you hoped was that he knew you loved him.

“You’re finished, Senator”

“I don’t think so” Anakin’s smooth voice, tight with anger, cut through the air. His lightsaber unsheathed, he swung it directly into the man. You gasped, everything happening so quickly. As soon as the blaster was gone from your forehead, you scrambled back.

Anakin walked up to you but, from the shock, you pulled back even further.

“Hey, hey, it’s me, it’s Anakin, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you”

You whimpered, looking at him and placing a hand on his jacket before harshly jumping into his arms. He gripped you to him, both of you sighing in relief.

“You came for me”

He looked at you like you were insane. “Of course I did! You needed me, you called! I’m always going to be there for you, Y/N. I am always going to show up”

“Thank you” You said, voice muffled against his chest. His hands raked through your hair while you just breathed him in. His scent comforted you, his strong chest and large arms grounding you after a day so intense and horrifying that nothing felt real.

You were still trembling, the aftershocks quite apparent.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, he’s dead, he’s gone. No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, I promise.” Anakin whispered these affirmations into your hair, holding you until the shaking ceased.

“Thank you for calling me, Y/N. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard, to be honest, I- wait? What do you mean, you know it couldn’t have been easy for me?!”

Anakin looked at your sheepishly. “You honestly think I haven’t noticed your problems with asking for help? We’ve been together for almost a year and, contrary to popular belief, I can be quite perceptive. I didn’t want to call you out on it, I assumed you’d be embarrassed. But I’m glad that when it actually came down to life or death, you called me.”

“I’ve always known I could call you, Anakin. Please, I don’t want you to ever think my inability to be vulnerable is rooted to anything you do. You’re, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re kind and compassionate and caring and you’re always looking out for me. Look, I know I haven’t been too open about my past and I still struggle with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never had someone who actually wanted to be there for me. This thing where you care and want me to come to you when I’m hurting or simply just want affection or company or help with the little things, it’s foreign to me.”

Ani’s heart broke at your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then, Y/N. I hate that this” He said, gesturing between you both “is unique to you. But, seriously, anytime you need anything I’m someone you can come to. I honestly want you to come to me. Regardless of if you think it’s something small or this life-altering favor, ask me. I doubt I’d turn you away and, on the off chance I do, I’m not gonna hold that against you.”

“You won’t leave? Even if I show you all of me? Even if I rely on you?”

“I won’t leave you, beautiful. So long as you allow me to show you all of me, too. And you let me rely on you, too.”

Your eyes widened at his words. “Of course! Of course, Ani! I’m here for you, I got you, too, always.”

“I know you do” His flesh hand went up, cupping your cheek.

“I know you do, too.” You sighed into his touch. You were exhausted beyond belief, your body and mind pretty much shutting down from the stress of it all. Even so, you relaxed further into his body. Yeah, this was new. Yes, it was scary. But you were going to try. Even though it terrified you, you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be loved by him.

tagging julia bc she asked when i was textpost-complaining about having to edit this <3

@anakinswhore

#megan writes #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x gn!reader #anakin skywalker x gender neutral reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker

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berryblissbby · 3 years ago

Text

Fiercest; devoted;

Pairing: Princess!reader x Guard/Warrior! Hajime Iwaizumi

Word Count: 9,500

Warnings: Use of blades and knives

A/N: Sooo this is the longest thing I've ever posted on tumblr and one of the longest fics I've ever written. Ive only even written a handful of things to completion before so please be kind (⩾﹏⩽). I'm currently reading TOG and this story was born from me trying to process HOF so if you see some parallels just look away! This is fanfic we borrow, not steal. And finally I must say, must I write a plot? Can’t they just learn to tenderly love each other in the end?

AND! AND! Here's the pinterest board i made for this fic, i'm so sorry that all the references are white people omg, pinterest has shit diversity.

Summary:

The moonlight won’t let you forget, the sunlight brightens the truth.

You are his princess, and he is your warrior. Raised together Hajime is your greatest source of comfort when he suddenly pulls away, igniting your temper and flaring animosity towards each other. Either under the light of the moon, or the rays of the sun, you’ll fight it out, just like always.

You were the princess of an empire. Heir of the kingdom that was the pinnacle of learning, healing and safety for anyone who wished to stay there. Books, music, and art were all treasured, and culture was allowed to thrive and breathe. Your court was beloved, held strong by devotion and loyalty, “the strongest court in the world” the people said. You were loved as well, by your parents and their people. Adored, you were their future.

Hajime was a lesser by his kingdom's terms. In a kingdom of magic wielders, he was unwanted nobility. So he was sent to you, to your kingdom, where compared to your human court, with a little magical blood in him, he would be strong. He was to be your guard, to keep you safe, and when you were ready to rule your bond would be unbreakable.

You were nine and he was thirteen . Delightfully shy- to adults- you lacked true friends. Hiding behind your mother, father or nursemaid, you could be found with your nose in a book. Even at celebrations it was the same, unless you convinced your mother or father to dance with you, much to everyone’s joy.

But then you had Hajime, and even though you were scared, with red rung hands and shifting eyes, he danced with you. Uncoordinated and silly, gentle smiles turning to grins and grins to giggles, you landed on the floor in a heap of laughter. Everyone could tell- when you were with him your timidness melts, and is met with ferocious quips and laughter full of love- that you would grow to be a shining queen. You didn’t worry, your child princess self, because when you were sat on your heaviest burden, your own little throne, he would be behind you. With his chest puffed up, his daggers sharpened and shining. Already your fiercest warrior and most devoted protector.

You grew together, his dark eyes were always watching you, blanketing you in warmth. When you learned how to fight and hold a dagger correctly he practiced with you, until your coordination and form were perfect. When you were strong enough for a sword he was right there as well, much to the captain of the guards dismay. You practiced together, but he never let you win. It was infuriating, his determined expression and unrelenting jabs. But “it’s for your own good” and you knew you'd best him one day.

He snuck into your room, when your chambers were too big, and the darknesses fingers too long. He stayed in the chair in the corner, and listened to you talk until your words slurred and you fell asleep. Your maids usually find him still there, curled up, in the morning.

He was right beside you when you learned how to ride a horse by yourself at ten years old, with shaky hands and gasping breaths. And when you fell off- the one and only time- he picked you right off the ground, dusted off your dress, and growled at the stable master.

He wiped the tears off your face as fast as they fell. Your little hands gripping the front of his shirt begging him not to leave.

Hajime pulled you to his chest, shushing you again. It was awkward, just two little kids clinging to each other, one barely old enough to comfort the other. But you needed him nonetheless.

He was right there the day you got it, hanging off the rails of the round pin, pumping his fist in triumph as you and your horse trotted in circles.

Looking over, a grin breaking across your face, you met his own grin. It sent shivers down your spine, blooming in your tummy. You could see it, with that feral grin on his face, you understood what type of man he would be. He truly was a warrior.

He stood behind you when you first attended state meetings with your father, against the wall with the other guards. You had been terrified. You hadn’t known, really, what they were talking about, and you had been scared that they would ask you questions you wouldn’t know the answer to. But Hajime was there, and that made your words a little more steady.

He was eighteen and you fourteen, budding into adolescence, and it seemed to be everyone’s business. He was turning into a man and you couldn’t help but notice, not that you would ever speak of it.

He was leading you horse, walking you around the gardens. He liked to pick and choose when you should be treated as a princess. With swords in your hands he tended to ignore it, but at times like these, you were an heiress and he was an indentured servant.

“I don’t understand”

“It’s a tragedy, it's supposed to make you sad!” You say. “It’s about the ‘what if’s’ and the yearning, you have to focus on the yearning.” You giggle at your words, as you drag out your syllables.

You were telling him about your latest book, and how it had left you heart broken for the two lovers. With bad timing, and greedy people stealing their chances at love, they could never be together.

You always told Hajime about your books, you couldn’t help talking about the ones that you couldn’t get out of your head. He was an amazing listener, and you appreciated him dearly for it. Even though his face would remain blank and his eyes would shift all around you, looking for threats, he would always pay attention.

He scoffed. “ Well, what if I don’t care about yearning, what if they’re just stupid? The answer was right in front of them.”

“That’s not the point Hajime,” you pout.

He scowls up at you, stopping your horse.

“What?” You can’t help but laugh at both of your dramatics.

“Just don’t let me catch you doing anything dumb like that,” he doesn’t let you answer, starting your horse walking again. ¨Idiots.¨

¨Hajime!¨

You appreciate him, in every sense, always protecting you, in body and soul.

He was twenty and you sixteen. Your temper was epic, it shook the stone walls and snapped as easily as the ribbons on your dresses. But your heart was just as easily broken. You were a slave to your emotions and you could feel it, festering in you. You would never let it show to the court, but your family knew, and so did Hajime. There was little left of the girl who used to hide behind skirts.

You didn´t know if it was a gradual process, or if you woke up to it one day, but suddenly you couldn´t stop watching him. You couldn´t stop admiring him. He was so big, and strong, and he made you laugh so hard. His hands were soft, and large. He was smart, catching things you hadn’t in meetings, and his voice would send shivers down your spine when he whispered in your ear, telling you things about the people you were surrounded by. Things that he had learned to keep you safe; precautions. You couldn't stop your cheeks from heating up anymore, they were perpetually flushed, and it was impossible to hold his gaze. Things that wouldn't have mattered before made you stutter. But what set you off, was when you would look up to him, when you expected to meet those cool eyes, they would be somewhere else.

Before, when you had been upset, you would drag Hajime to the training rooms and throw him a sword. He would let you get a few hits in, before winning, of course. But only after you got everything you needed out. He was the cool water to your raging disposition. He had a sternness to him now, even though his fiery character could rival yours sometimes, he knew when to hold back. And when he did, his easy answers and cool voice were equally frustrating as they were calming. You shared more together while in those practice rooms swinging swords than anywhere else. But now you had lost the thing that had made it better.

Now you only saw him when mandatory, behind your throne and next to you at meals. He seemed to be more interested in the guards and other warriors than you, so you ate in silence and read alone at night. You eventually requested a new guard, and your parents said no. You two were friends, and he was sent here for you, that would not be changing overnight. But he didn't feel like your Hajime anymore, your friend or defender. Because he wasn't paying attention to you anymore, not like he was supposed to. Or how you wanted him too.

It made you burn when you looked up and he wasn't looking at you. The embers in your chest that would flare when you didn't get your way, when someone disagreed with you, when Hajime said something brash, were a roaring fire. You didn't understand why things had changed, where it had come from.

You saw it, when his eyes met the older courtiers- well, older compared to you. You saw the eyes of the women on him, how they trailed over his broad back and strong arms. You knew that the lady’s had started taking their walks through the section of the palace they had previously thought of as unpalatable. They would bat their eyelashes and fan their fans in front of them as they walked past the training rooms, hoping to catch Hajime in only a thin damp shirt. It was infuriating.

You took to ignoring him, long lonely months. It was intense, the war between you both, silently throwing glances at each other, both sets of eyes holding promises of worse words to come. He was a weight behind you at all times, dragging your heart deeper into a pit of solitary despair. He left you whenever he could afford, never letting your parents or the other guards see. You were kept safe, but it wasn’t comforting like before. The walks to your rooms after dinner were the worst, the internal battle inside you was tearing you to shreds. Should you talk to him? Confront him? Bear a dagger and rough it out? But he would leave you by your door and walk away before you could decide anything at all.

You had burned too bright, the fire in you now gone. The fury that had kept you warm was nothing but a cold pit in your chest.

You were all alone, every day that knowledge split you open like a cold blade. You were determined to stay away from him, to not bother him, since he obviously didn’t want anything to do with you. But one day, it all became too much.

You had attended a dinner tonight, with a distant royal family. And they had said things to you that they had no right to say. They had spoken as if they had known you. They knew things about you that made your skin crawl. All of those things were somewhat common knowledge, but then they had started making assumptions about you, asking you things that if you were a queen you would have known the answers to. But you weren’t, you were a stupid little princess, with no one. And you felt so small.

The only thing that made it worse was when you realized you were bracing for something. After every one of their comments, you were waiting for one of Hajime's raging blows. For him let his temper go, just a little. To tell them how it was, to defend you. But it didn’t come, you looked over and he wasn’t paying attention. What happened to your warrior? Your watcher? Your protector?

You remembered a conversation between you and Hajime, before. It was late at night, Hajime was laying on the rug in front of your heart, his arm thrown over his eyes. Your book set to the side.

The candles had all burned low, but the fire stood strong. It casted a blood orange glow across half of his body, the other half a stark blue. You didn’t know if he was asleep, and took your time admiring him.

The side away from you, from your vantage point lounging on the couch, was flushed. His mouth was pulled down slightly, but it didn’t scare you. That looked like you’re Hajime, with sharp teeth and a barking laugh. Who felt everything thrown at him.

You didn’t know how he hid it so well, but he really did experience everything; he might conceal it, but it was in there.

You looked at the other side of him, the one in a cold blue light from the moon coming in your windows. You wondered if that was what other people saw, the straight backed man, who knew who he was and what he stood for.

You said his name gently, he grunted in response.

“Do you remember… that tragedy I read years ago, about the two lovers…” you explained a little more, trailing off.

He took a deep breath saying, “ yes, with the idiots.”

You don’t bother hiding your pursed lips before you say, “what… what would you do in their situation, since they’re such idiots.” You pluck at a thread on the couch, not looking at him.

From your peripheral vision you could see him turn his head to look at the flames, and suddenly a wave of anxiety hits you, you're scared to know his real answer, his honest one.

You get up and walk to the window, and the stark difference in temperature makes you shudder. It was starting to snow, just barely. The moon was so bright, causing the gardens below your window to glow. The marble walkways mirroring back the moon.

“I would…” you look back at him, with a hand still on the window sill, and almost gasp. “I would run too, because I wouldn’t know any better, just like them.” He had sat up and turned away from the fire, his whole front blue and cold.

You couldn’t stand the window anymore, and went to sit by the hearth.

You think he’s run. He’s carried himself as far away from you as he can without abandoning his responsibilities. The gap between you is the largest thing you have ever felt. A dark ravine, and on the other side was him, with his back turned to you. Everything is blue, the moon won’t let you forget, it refuses to shroud out the light, so you can’t remain ignorant. You hate it. And every day, you come closer and closer to falling into that deep crack in the earth, reaching out your arms, stretching your fingers, feeling the rocks shift under your feet, pebbles falling into the dark pit, maybe to never hit the bottom.

You couldn’t calm yourself even hours later, your mind would go back to dinner when you tried to read, and you couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, when it was too late to brandish swords or you were too young to hold one, Hajime and you would walk the palace halls. Running from guards not to be caught, jumping on chairs in forgotten sitting rooms, daring each other to grab things from the kitchen. All before putting his grumpy cool mask back on and escorting you back to your rooms. But you never dared walk the halls yourself, you were always too scared. Hajime... Hajime, he would always take you, and make you feel better.

You had been pacing your rooms, trying to find a way to fix your hurt. Trying to come up with any solution. Sitting down on your bed, you put your head in your hands, pleading with the tears not to fall. You wanted him to make you feel better again, you wanted to feel safe with him behind you, not cold and unwanted.

You didn't know what to do, really, you told yourself as you snuck your way into his rooms, holding your breath the whole way there, still scared. Closing the door behind you you leaned against it, and for a moment, it felt like before. He smelled the same and the room was so warm it made you shiver in satisfaction. But he was a warrior, so your moment of peace didn’t last long as he rolled over, almost reaching for a weapon before he realized who you were.

You tried smiling, but seeing him like that, with his dark hair messy, and cheeks ruddy from sleep just hurt you more. You couldn’t stop the quiver in your lip.

“You've been crying,” he said, pushing himself off the bed slightly. You tried not to watch the blanket fall off his shoulders.

Nodding, you turn your head, wiping away tears with your wrist, not looking him in the eyes. You took a moment, trying to calm yourself and almost took a step towards him, but you caught yourself. That made the tears come faster. If things had been like before, you would have ran to him. You won't have hesitated, you wouldn't be bracing for something foul to come out of his mouth.

But those things didn't matter, not when he finally sat up and opened his arms letting you throw yourself at him.

He rocked you back and forth, pulling you onto his lap, cooing at you. “What’s wrong, what’s the matter my princess.” The vibrato in his voice echoed through you, made you want to melt, but it was also painfully familiar.

His kind words only made you cry harder. How long had it been since you had heard him speak to you at all? And it had to have been even longer since he had been kind to you like this, only reserved for when you were totally alone, and desperately in need.

There was so much wrong, but you could only find it in yourself to shrug. He let out a scoff. Pulling you back, you tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin to make you look up. He swiped a thumb under your eye, catching a falling tear. You almost smiled at his frown, how you had missed it, when it only promised light scolding, not cruel disregard.

“I j-just... want you t-to m-make me feel better,” the last word comes out in another desperate sob and he pulled you to him again.

He hummed saying, “Don't tell me someone did this to you.”

You shake your head, burying your face in his chest. You didn't want to face the truth, that he had been so neglectful that he really hadn't seen what had happened at dinner.

“Let's get you to bed, okay?”

You desperately nod, you had missed this so much. You had missed his kindness so much. You almost felt like little kids again, and he led you through the dim hallways clutching your hand. Like when you had first met.

You woke up alone.

Cold, sober reality washed over you like water, slithering down your spine. Oh. Things were not back to before. You hated Before, it taunted you. It laughed at you as you broke each time the word crossed your mind. Before was better, the most shining and brilliant version of what you had lost.

He was escorting you across the castle, and you battled with yourself again. Just like always but worse, now that you knew he was still in there. The contrast ached more. You almost didn't say anything, but you passed by a set of windows and happened to look outside.

It was spring, almost summer, and everything was green again. The hills outside rippled as the green grass swayed. Beyond the grass were wildflowers. You wish you and Hajime could ride out there and lay in them. But you couldn't- or, he wouldn’t.

That makes you stop for some reason, and you walk up to the window looking out. He stops too, remaining behind you.

“Hajime,” You say quietly. He doesn't say anything, facing forward.

He wouldn’t look at you. He refused until you grabbed him as hard as you could with your little hands, not holding back when your nails dug into his wrist and forearm.

He tried pulling back, but you wouldn’t let him. Grabbing one of your wrists he made you yield.

“I’m not... we’re not going to talk about this, not yet,” he said the words with shifting eyes, not able to meet yours for too long. “I can’t.”

You had never minded him when he was his serious self, because you would always see the loving side of him eventually. When you were alone, when it mattered. But this, the firm cold shoulder, it wasn’t the protective one you were used to, it was cruel.

“Well,” you spit out, ripping your wrist from his grip, “ when you can finally tell me your secret, it better be important, because right now I don’t appreciate being ignored- ignored and...” you struggled to find the right words, your chin quivering, eyes filling with tears. Unloved? Unprotected?

“Whatever this is,” you gesture at him, the venom in your voice dissipating with each syllable. Until each blink yielded more tears.

¨You´re dismissed,¨ you tell him, you could make it to tea just fine by yourself.

You were furious, angry, livid. The only thing that dosed the ever flaming embers in your chest was the announcement your father made. You had known it was coming, but him telling everyone solidified it.

He had called you and Hajime to his private rooms a few nights before, you two had met in front of the door.

You were to decide which member of your court would take the oath to be your protector and advisor. Everyone knew it was going to be Hajime, but sometimes a ruler didn't have such loyal followers, and they would choose from a selection. But your father wanted to follow tradition and tell you properly. You had come of age, it would be time for you to take up more responsibility, and this was the first step.

You could feel him standing next to you, facing your father and mother where they sat. The emers in you were doused, replaced by a rush of freezing water that contrasted your hot tears. You couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life like this. You would be a horrible queen if this was the future that awaited you.

Before he made his oath to you, there was to be your birthday celebration. A frantic day of eating, receiving gifts and dancing. Who would you dance with?

Tight lipped, you thanked your parents and walked out. You could hear Hajime behind you, and you didn't try to quiet your ragged breathing as the tears flowed.

They had threatened to fall when your father stood up at dinner and told your court.

It was your birthday, you hadn't danced with Hajime, and you always danced with Hajime. Everytime you could, you let your face relax and your smile melted away. You were exhausted. But someone asked you to dance.

The man no older than Hajime, with fluffy brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, asked you with a hypnotizing smile. He spun you around and said the most outrageous things in your ears, you couldn't help the grin that spread across your face.

You would pass a couple and he would share their most treacherous secrets. Nothing too bad, just outlandish enough that you would blush and want to hit him- only lightly.

He asked you again and again, until you finally had to say no, your face was hot, your skin was covered in a layer of perspiration and you were sure that your hair had fallen out of its updo.

You made your way back to your seat on the dais, next to your parents. You didn't realize that Hajime had moved from his spot on the wall, blending in with the other guards, to stand behind you.

Taking a seat, you hear a scoff. Straightening your back you almost don't believe it. Maybe it was the exercise, or the fact that you were feeling loose after laughing so hard. Or maybe it was because you were actually having fun, but you found that tonight- tonight you had energy.

You could feel it in your chest, that scoff has blown a harsh wind over those embers, fanning them a glowing orange.

“Yes, Hajime,” you say, slightly turning your head in his direction. You tried to keep your tone light.

He grunted, not saying anything. You place your hands in your lap. He won't even give you words.

“Tell me,” you say, face blank, friendly tone gone.

“Nothing, Princess.”

How dare he scoff at you and pretend you were the crazy one.

You spun in your seat. There he was, in his nice uniform, with your kingdom's mascot and colors. Your mascot and colors. Your kingdom's mascot and colors. The kingdoms that you would rule, mascot and colors.

The blades strapped around him were intricate; polished and shrap. He looked straight forward, not acknowledging you. He looks good, something inside of your chest whispered, but was whisked away as your eyes caught on the dagger on his belt, with the same color jews as his uniform

You stood up in a flurry, so fast that he only had time to brace himself before you were grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your level. Nails digging into him all the while.

“Follow me,” you say through gritted teeth. Pulling back looking him in the eyes, you tell him exactly what he needed to know. It was an order, an order from his future ruler. The exchange was so fast you knew no one would see it.

Spinning on your heel you walked down the dais and straight into the crowd of dancing people as they desperately tried to not step on you.

“Princess,” Your father said from his seat behind you. You knew he was objecting at your rudeness, but you didn't care, the act of disobedience spurring you on. You hear the music halt, only for a second, but you keep moving.

You could feel everyone's eyes on you as you made your way further and further towards the doors out of the hall. Each breath wasn’t enough oxygen, and your vision spotted, but the chills rippling over your skin were addicting.

You knew Hajime was behind you.

You didn't answer any of his furious remarks as you grabbed his forearm, dragging him through the palace. You turned down a certain hall and he stopped talking.

You threw open the doors of the practice hall, letting go of Hajime’s arm. Marching down the long open space, so big it could probably hold dozens of bodies, you open one of the cabinets across from the row of tall windows. The room was dim, and you don´t think of lighting candles.

Selecting two swords, you slide one to him across the floor, to where he stood still at the door. He stopped it carefully with his boot, as it spun towards him.

Looking up from the sword, he says, ”No.”

“Pick up the sword, Hajime,” You say from across the room, sword in your hand. You’re not sure why you threw it at him, he already had one on his hip. Maybe because it was unfair, that he could always have one and you could not.

He scoffed at you, leaving it on the ground.

“Pick it up,” You growled.

He didn't have time to roll his eyes before the twin dagger to the one on his belt landed in the door frame, next to his head.

You watched his eyes flick to your hand, smoothing out your skirts, hiding the slit that led to your thigh. You switched your sword back to your dominant hand, breathing already ragged, not looking away from those sharp eyes as he picked the sword off the ground.

You stayed exactly where you were as he walked towards you.

“You are b-”

“I don't want to hear any of what you have to say about my behavior.”

He rolled his eyes, stopping in front of you, getting into his proper stance. You mimicked him.

“You are being a brat.”

You swing for him, and he easily blocks, sending your sword arcing through the air, still in your hand. He sends a shallow jab at you, which you take a step back from.

“What right do you have judging the people I spend my time with?” You say, jabbing right back at him, which he blocks with a sweep of his sword. “And when am I not?”

You go for his left, which he dodges, and as he came around spinning to face you again, he swung low at the wide skirts of your dress. You hear it rip and feel the cold air hit your calves. Taking two steps back he observes you, lowering his sword, intentions clear.

He thought that would end your little fight.

He thought that the ruining of your dress would make you stop, that you were shallow enough to ask for his mercy just because of a tear in your skirts. It made you furious, knowing he wasn't taking this seriously.

You feint lunging at him, he swung from the right, and you blocked, swords suspended in the air for just a moment.

“Stop it.” You say, voice almost a whisper.

You grunt and pull back. Circling each other, you watch as the moonlight brightens his face. The circling continues, and no words are exchanged, giving you time to think about what had been said, only making you more upset.

You had faults, in moments like these, you couldn't hide your next move, anger making you just want to act. You swing at him, and he blocks. While your sword is up, he takes the chance to roll, and shove you backwards away from him. A dirty trick.

“Stop what?” He says to you, looking at you from where you had stumbled a few steps away, face blank.

You looked at him, with his back to the windows, face shrouded in darkness, and you hated him.

Before you could think about it, before you could flinch and regret your actions, your arms were arching up, throwing your sword across the room. Watching as Hajime involuntarily followed its arch through the air, sinning blade spinning over handle, until it landed in a clatter. You watched him all the while, and saw his shocked expression before he could hide it.

“I am your princess,” You growl, his head snapping back to you.

“I am your princess!” You yell, taking a step towards him, chest pressed to his.

“I am your Princess!” You scream, shoving him backwards toward the large windows.

You pressed against him, leaning him back against the window sill. You stretch to your tiptoes, your hands clutching his shirt as you stare into his eyes. With all the venom you can manage, panting, you say, “I am your princess! I am your princess and you will do as I say!”

“What are you doing?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. You barely hear his words, or his sword clatter to the ground, your breathing too ragged, your heart beat too loud. You could feel it, in every part of your body, it echoed through you.

And in that moment you can almost see him. That flash in his eyes, that tone of voice, his breath fanning over your face. He was your Hajime, only for a second.

“Stop it,” you say, losing momentum with each word, “stop it.”

He finally tugs himself free, ripping your hands from him. He doesn't let go as he presses you a few steps back and leans down to look into your eyes.

His eyes were dark, and you lost him again, the Hajime you want. You yearned to bang on his chest and beg for him back, but you don't dare break the delicate dance you two were in.

“I see them,” you hiss, trying to get in his face, “I see how they look at you.”

“Who?” He spits.

“Your courtiers.” You say the words as if it's a curse.

He throws your hands down, taking steps to the door, still facing you.

“Nothing?” You ask. “You never have anything to say anymore.”

“Why does it matter?” Squaring his shoulders he looks at you straight on.

“Wh-”

“Why does it matter if they look at me?”

“It- I-”

“Tell me why it matters, Princess, and maybe we can talk. I don't want part in your tantrums.”

You watch him walk away, listening to every fading step, until you only have your breathing to fill the silence.

You couldn’t stop thinking about that night, it made you sick, haunting you with the memories of what you had said to each other.

Maybe you had been wrong. Wrong to order him to follow you, wrong to act so brash, wrong to scream at him, and to accuse him of those things.

You scolded yourself for acting that way, to let your temper control you. It had felt good, until you had crashed.

The option-less future spread in front of you. What would you do? Exhaustion was seeping into you, a new type of tired, one that you would do anything to amend.

If your temper wouldn’t fix your problems, you would have to try something else, even if it burned you from the inside out.

You called him to your rooms, something you had never done before. There was no need to call upon each other, you always knew where the other was

Hajime found you in the chair in the corner, the one he used to stay in; you rarely used it.

The last rays of evening sunlight were shining in your windows, cascading over your body.

Your face was illuminated by the sun, every beautiful line and imperfection was open in the light. It made you glow, like you should have been kept in a painting so you could be adored forevermore. You were golden, hair caught fire, glowing like a beacon of truth. The heir of an empire, the hope of thousands.

“Majesty,” he bowed, something he had only done a handful of times, for special occasions. It felt forgien and stiff doing it there.

“Iwaizumi” you said, it sounded like a song, a sigh and a prayer and a plea. But it wasn’t right.

When was the last time you had called him that? Never, a furious voice in the back of his mind told him.

“It’s almost time for me to choose.”

He stood up straighter, meeting your eyes for the first time. There wasn’t that look in them like before, of hurt and hardness. Determination that you would power through. It was just a fact.

It was almost time for you to choose the person of your court to swear a never ending bond with. To protect each other, in body and soul, to in turn protect your kingdom.

You looked down at your hands, and he was compelled to take a step forward to make sure he heard you, but not too close. He had a feeling that if he took another step he would see your red rung eyes, and he didn’t want to think about that.

“I want it to be you… I'm sorry for that night, for yelling, and trying to cut you into pieces. But…” You take a deep breath and look out the window. “ I don’t know what’s changed, and I’m so sorry for how I’ve acted, and whatever I’ve done, but I want it to be you”

With those last words you looked him in the eyes. The anger was gone, and all he saw was a tired princess. His tired princess. You didn’t break his gaze, not saying anything more .

He almost wanted to question you, the maturity in your words shocking. But he stayed quiet; that wasn’t his place anymore.

You had said your peace, he knew, as he looked into your eyes, with your face passive. It was his turn now, to come to you and bear his teeth, to gouge the hurt out of his chest in to lay it bare for both of you.

Hajime had a memory he kept close to him, right on his hip. He might have kept it on his ribs, the ones that protected his heart, if that was where you kept daggers.

It was the winter solstice celebration from years before. Hajime and you were in your parents' private rooms, giving gifts.The two of you sat on the floor next to the fire, with your parents on the couch in front of you.

“Now this one is for both of you.” Your mother explained, handing you both identical boxes. “Open them at the same time.”

You gave Hajime one look before tearing into yours. He didn’t get to see your reaction as he worked on delicately undoing the ribbons, but he heard your gasp.

Resting in your hands was an exquisite, shining dagger. You gently held it up, and both your heads turned in to stare at it.

“Oh my…” You gawked.

Hajime went back to his gift and opened it to an identical dagger. Twins.

He held his up, and you two compared.

They had blades of shimmering silver, with curved tips that looked sharp enough to split hairs. The handles were of matching silver formed into delicate patterns, inland with jewels that matched your kingdom's colors. The metal reflected the light of the fire behind you, flickering gold and orange, like the blades held the sun.

Looking up to your parents your father explained. “I had those made for the two of you.”

You waited, but that was all he offered. Hajime watched you balance the dagger in your hand, turning it over and examining it.

“They’re beautiful.” You say.

“I would hope that you don’t use them on each other, and only wear them for celebrations, but I doubt that is something that will happen.”

Hajime chuckled, looking down at his own dagger. The king might not have said it, but he had a feeling he knew what the daggers were for.

They were the two of you. Cut from the same stone, at each other with blades as sharp as diamonds, all while in your shining castle.

They were to remind you where you came from, that you two were one in the same, and that you were to work together. Much better to mar an enemy with the same blade than have the one that matches your in your gut.

“Thank you,” he said.

Hajime looked at you, and you were smiling. Leaning over, your grin was feral, and he couldn’t help the electricity that went down his spine.

“Do you know what this means?” You ask. “I need to get my dresses tailored.”

Hajime ruffled your hair, but your smile was burned into his memory. One in the same. Maybe his future queen really would be as strong as him.

Hajime could learn to like that.

Hajime was trained by your father and his men to be a warrior. Your warrior. While you were trained in how to fight men across oceans and continents, he was taught how to fight men with steel and teeth. You did give him a run for his money when you brawled, but he knew that he would never want to be facing you in a killing field, with an army at your disposal.

Your cleverness was beyond him, not that you would ever give yourself credit for it. But you were still young, and when he caught something that you had missed in meetings or conversations, the sparkle in your eye, the way he knew you were in awe of him, was addictive.

In all honesty, Hajime wasn’t your only lover, or admirer, you had many. Your parents were kind to you, your father could often be found making you giggle, especially when you were seated next to him at meetings. Your mother and you discussed books and music. You would often receive compliments from your father’s advisors and friends, which always made you blush in thanks. And your mothers lady’s loved to give you advice about clothes and any romantic endeavors you might go one. Not that there were many. The boys liked winking at you, and making you blush. Hajime tried his best to keep that to a minimum. Your court did love you, they loved the princess that was bashful and kind, but had the cleverest ideas at council meetings. You were the beautiful shining light, in your beautiful shining castle, and you would keep your court strong.

Those were all things that Hajime knew well. Painfully well. Because he was always the first to notice. He had seen how they all cared and vowed to make sure that you would stay that way, that you were protected and cared for. So your light never went out, so your kingdom was always strong. He would do what he must, he would not let your court fall.

So when he had looked at you and the light in your eyes had changed, he felt responsible.

It wasn’t a bad change, just different. It only took him a short amount of time to pinpoint what it was.

He couldn’t love you, not like that. He couldn’t let himself break you, because he knew he’d manage somehow, he was always a little heavy handed.

What protector would he be if he broke your heart? If he was the first one to weaken you? To welcome you into the cruel world you would be entering, of choosing the best of horrible options, of lying and deceiving? He would not be the one to welcome you to that.

Maybe he was wrong, maybe you could take it. He wouldn’t be the one introducing you to the hurt, he could be the one to guide you through it.

He was surprised when he found you, always too afraid to wander the place at night. You were in a sitting room, long forgotten by the court, locked away and covered in sheets.

It was one of the rooms you would play in as children, with the furniture pushed to one corner; each and every one of the walls between the tall windows was covered in paintings.

By now both of you had them memorized, whether that be by sunlight, candle light or moon light, both of you knew each of them well.

You were only looking at one, standing right in front of it, your favorite painting of them all.

Hajime watched you, in the light of the moon, stare at the picture. Your profile was perfectly outlined by the stark light.

“Tell me about her again,” he asked, voice carrying across the room.

You spare him a glance before turning back to the painting.

You take a step closer and take a breath. “Her name was Kiyoko.”

You bring your hand up, and with only a finger you delicately trace the frame.

“She was the most beautiful woman in the land, and the man who painted her was in love with her, but there were few who weren’t.”

Hajime didn’t have to see the picture to know what it looked like, he had spent plenty of time looking at it with you. The girl was beautiful, with silky black hair, pale skin, and eyes that felt like they knew all, like they were windows into the fiercest storm.

He knew the curve of her lips and the mole on her chin, and the pastel color of her dress. She was framed in a sea of greenery; plants, grass and trees all around her. Despite her pale dress and cool eyes she was surrounded by orange flowers, and in the corner of the painting, were perched crows.

He wasn’t sure what made you stare at that painting like you did. Like you could see details that weren’t there. You had always said that when you looked at it, you longed for the frame to expand, for the picture to grow wider, to see what she saw.

You also had a thousand questions for her, you wanted to know her as intimately as you knew her face. But she never answered, staring back with those eyes, until only Hajime was left to answer your questions.

“She was loved by everyone, it was said that you would be blessed if she acknowledged you, and if she spoke to you, you were destined for the most devine heaven.” You move your finger from the frame to the painting, looking like you would touch it, but you don’t, only coming infinitely close.

“She married the man she loved, and had a laugh that sounded like bells.” You bring your hand down and step back from the painting.

“You would be her most devoted admirer.” Hajime said.

“I already am,” you smile looking down at your hands, “but I think she would have deserved a beautiful friendship.”

It wasn’t a real story, her name was Kiyoko, that was the name of the painting, but each time you told it, it was different.

Looking up to reply to Hajime, you met his eyes. On his face was a smile that delicately curved, turning his mouth up.

That smile… the curve of his mouth, the sharp teeth behind it. It made your knees week, the relief of seeing it again.

He took steps towards you, until you were standing shoulder to shoulder looking at her again.

“What do the crows mean,” he asked, encouraging you to keep going.

You take a moment before answering. “They’re her other admirers, only to ever love her from afar.”

He hummed, and you swear you could feel it in your bones.

You turn to look at him, right in the eyes.

“It matters… it mattered because you weren’t looking at me.”

He tried to speak, but you stopped him. “No, listen to me.”

He wouldn’t look away from your eyes, face cool.

“I couldn’t- can’t- you just… you weren’t looking at me, and I didn’t know what to do. It’s unbearable.” Your words were so quiet, always so quiet in moments like these

It seemed like he couldn’t bear to break the silence as he said with narrowed eyes. “You think I don’t know, that I didn’t see?”

“You won’t break me Hajime,” you say with a scoff. He almost flinced, coming close but stopping. Like you had seen right through him when he wasn’t expecting.

“You don’t know that,” he hissed, “I know, saw it, everything, and I made that decision. I won’t be the one to introduce you to that, to be the first one to hurt you.”

He spoke with his hands, and you watched them as they moved. They were so wide, well taken care of, you remember them being softer than expected.

“You’re supposed to protect me,” you grit through your teeth. You don’t know if he can tell how flushed you are, but you know he can see the silver lining your eyes.

“H-how am I supposed to protect this kingdom, t-this court without you! I can’t do it without you.”

“You’ll do just fine,” he said, standing up straighter.

“Don’t say that! Why would you- why would you say something like that.”

It was getting hard to get the words out, every time he spoke you ached more and more.

He was panting, like those words had winded him. His face was hard, unyielding. You wrapped your arms around yourself, and covered your wobbling mouth. A sick imitation of a comforting embrace

He didn’t know what to do. His princess was shattering right in front of him and there was nothing he could do.

There was no one to point a blade at, no where to keep you safe. Looking at the tears in your eyes, he knew that this had been happening for a while. You were begging him to take his words back, any of them, but he wouldn’t let himself.

Hajime resisted the urge to look down at his hands. He’d always been heavy handed, that's what he had said to himself. He was trying to shield you, gods-dammit, but those hands had done more harm than good when it really mattered.

All he could do was watch you crumble in on yourself, while he stood feet away.

He was clueless. He always knew what to do. Your faithful, balanced Hajime was at a loss.

You could see it, you blinked and you were there. No longer in that moon-bathed room, but outside, children again.

How old were you? Nine? Eleven? How old was he? Thirteen? Fifteen? You were just children; the same as always. Had you even grown up, were you always clutching each other like this? So dependent yet so unaware of each other?

You had never seen him like this, he lived with a sword in his hand and a shield on his back. His upper lip stiff, his will unmoving.

But the man standing in front of you was desperate, with his hands splayed in front of him, like they would burn you if he got too close.

Why couldn’’t you just say it, why were you two always dancing around it? Your own choreography, your own sacred, unique steps.

“I’m tired,” you say, shoulders dropping, eyes lifting to the ceiling.

“I am too,” Hajime admitted.

You closed your eyes tight, feeling more tears fall from your lashes. And when you opened them again, you were met with steel. Not like the steel of blades, but unforged steel, ready to be shaped, reborn.

Looking into those eyes, the irises that framed hurricanes, it felt like those roaring winds blew right through you. Breathing life into you, fanning your flames. Maybe she could answer just one question for you.

This is the last time, you vowed to yourself, no matter how it ends.

Hajime didn’t ask questions as you dragged him through the palace, his presence giving you a little more confidence than before.

Up and up you went, just when he thought you were done taking him up stairs you found another set, and headed right to the top. You only felt him hesitate once, but you didn’t look back, and he followed. You made it to the top. A tower that was once a sentries station.

“How did you… isn’t there someone working here?” Hajime asked.

You didn’t have to look at him to see the crease in his brow. “No, there’s no need to have anyone up here.”

Your kingdom had been peaceful for years, if any attacks were to come, they would not be so often as to need guards on the lookout every day. Hajime knew that, so you followed. “I haven’t been sleeping, so I’ve just been walking around at night… and I wound up here.”

He didn’t say anything, but you knew what he was thinking. You never walked alone, the fact that you had been in that sitting room tonight was shocking. But you? Wondering up here?

On one hand, you hoped that he was feeling guilty. On the other, you felt horrible for tearing him up like that. But you knew that was how he was feeling, he wouldn’t push it to the side this time. Not with it spelled out in front of him.

Crossing his arms and leaning back, he gave you a look of disapproval, but you were no stranger to those cunning eyes. You tried not to dwell on the picture before you, slowly focusing into something- someone you recognized.

You walked up to the window, leaning against it, staring at the slowly brightening horizon.

“Just tell me why.” Was all you said.

Hajime stepped forward, shoulder to shoulder with you, hand on the cool window sill. The warmth that encompassed Hajime's side almost made him purr, you were so close.

He took a moment to look at the view, the mountains in the distance, silhouetted by the rising sun. The dark sky was slowly becoming a splash of deep colors.

“I don’t just protect you, your life isn't your own. What I do affects you, what I see keeps you safe. What I let you do… it could change so much. If I stumble, if I overlook something- so much is at steak. And I know what you were thinking when you looked at me.” He paused as you nodded, and watched your eyes move from the horizon to the city nestled below the palace. “So I stopped, and you were pissed.”

“I’ll be disappointed if you say you didn’t see that coming.”

“Well, it worked to my advantage… until you woke me up that night…”

Your smile melted, but you didn’t say anything. Maybe he was bracing for something, that crackling irritation he was used to. But it didn’t come.

Hajime stiled. Maybe this wasn’t him talking to his princess anymore, as you listened, as he spoke, he realized it was his queen in front of him.

“You hurt me. You were mine and then suddenly you weren’t.” He sat there and listened as your voice cracked

“I’m sorry”

You turned to look at him. “You can’t break me that easy Hajime, we’re one and the same, in sword and devotion. I want you at my back, I want you protecting me. I need you to want the same. I thought- I thought we agreed on that. So please… let me choose you.”

“Please let me be your princess, please let me choose you, I want you to protect me, the right way.”

With you next to him he could see the sunlight reflected in your eyes, how it made them sparkle, how the roofs of your city seemed to wink up at you with the last slivers of moon light. Telling him how much hope they had for you, how they knew that their princess would keep them safe.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

With that admission, you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him as hard as you could. You took a few breaths before pulling back, still keeping your arms around him, looking into his eyes.

“Let me be your princess Haji, please.” It was like you were looking for something in his eyes, not breaking the connection.

“Always,” he whispered, leaning closer, not looking away.

“But you aren’t my princess.” He watched your eyes flutter and he drew closer and closer, wrapping his arms around you, keeping you right against him. “You're my queen.”

He met your lips, and you were the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself if he made you feel like you had again.

And as the sun created the mountains, and it's morning rays illuminated you and Hajime, he knew that his hands might have broken you, but they had also put you back together.

Pulling away from Hajime, you try not to look as out of breath as you felt. You stared into his slate eyes and felt like he had never left, that the time between you that had hurt you was just a memory, a distant past.

They say you can’t remember pain. Maybe its to give you the courage to forgive, to be able to try again.

You watched his mouth as he said, “I'm a fool.”

“Then that would make me a fool too,” you muse, tone playful.

“No,” he said, shaking his head slightly, furrow in his brow. “We can’t have a queen who's a fool.”

“Then what am I?”

“An idiot,” you watched his mouth as he said it. His smile was crooked, like he was trying to hide it.

“Like the lovers,” You breathe, your own smile spreading across your face.

“Like the lovers,” he repeated.

The word lovers echoed in your head when you decided you wanted to kiss him again.

With each breath, you felt the embers inside of you cool to ashes, blowing in the wind like ash.

You might have lied, that night wouldn't be your last fight, but it would never be like that ever again.

Hajime and you were once again in the practice hall, but this time things were different. You were both giddy, as the early morning sun glinted in your eyes. You tumbled and swung your swords at each other, but this time it was laughter shared between you, not savage words.

You felt like you two were dancing again. With your dress whispering around your legs, and the dagger that matched Hajimes visible around your hip, you felt like you had that night as children, when Hajime first taught you to laugh.

You weren’t upset, or nervous this time, as you gave each other bruises and sore shoulders. Because later that morning at the ceremony you knew who would be standing next to you, with his back straight and his shoulders down. Your fiercest warrior and most devoted lover.

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