#if you can say no to your friend who isn't pushy and demanding that means you arent a whole people pleaser and can actually say no
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i've been friends with more self-proclaimed people pleasers than ones who are not, but they never try to please me. not saying they *should* but is unfair they please everyone else and leave me hanging or frustrate me and don't seem to care like they supposedly do about everyone else. i'm talking about just giving me bare minimum things I ask for. common simple decency like answering questions when I ask. communicating with me properly and giving in the friendship instead of my taking from me.
they will go out of their way to do things they don't want to or things they shouldn't to please everyone else and tell me how they feel horrible because they can't do something for others. but when I ask them a question, no response. ask to hang out, it's always no. ask got help, they can't. it's only me they do this to lmao just confuses me sometimes.
I mean good they can actually set boundaries/say no after telling me they can't. but learn to do it to people you need to. not just me lmao. help yourself and use that ability on the right people. not me who isn't trying to use and exploit you and just wants good communication and normal friendship and connection that you keep denying me of 😭😔
#is this a commom thing?????#so people pleasers also become very avoidant and ignore certain people??? because it seems to be a thing#people pleaser#people pleasing#are you a people pleaser that purposely avoids certain people? why?#and maybe you should not if theyre the only genuine people in your lives.....?? avoid the ones that exploit that instead!!!!#if you can say no to your friend who isn't pushy and demanding that means you arent a whole people pleaser and can actually say no#now go say no to the coworker that keeps asking you to work their shifts on every day off you get!!!!#stop saying no to the friend that genuinely wants to hang out and be your friend!!!#these human contradictions confuse me. they irritate me when it affects me. but i also genuinely want to know why you people are like this#so please tell me. educate me about your brains. i wamt to understand them#maybe then i womt be so irritated and frustrated at all the “people pleasers” who keep pushing me away and ignoring only ME!
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About the throwing CN in the trash can thing, I don‘t necessarily disagree, but why did you completely left out the whole thing about CN‘s constant flirting and calling them a couple and stuff, when LB made it clear multiple times in that episode and before that she doesn‘t like him that way and is bothered by many attempts to make a move on her. Especially in that episode, she‘s already pissed at Glaciator specifically because of it, and Paris as a whole for printing articles and putting up billboards everywhere. The only thing CN does with his shenanigans is irritate her even more, until she has enough.
If I were in a situation where a platonic friend did that to me, I‘d be pissed too. Sure, I probably wouldn‘t throw im in a trash can, but I’d maybe get a little loud at least.
Idk, the garbage toss might‘ve been too much, sure, but pretending like CN has no fault in the situation escalating like that is unfair and LB had all right to go off at him.
That was not what was asked
That's not how the episode frames it
I read over Ladybug and Cat Noir's discussion after the trashcan scene to make sure I understood what the takeaway was. Ladybug did not say, or even hint, that the problem was that Cat Noir went too far or was out of line. She has an issue with being reminded he has feelings for her, period.
This is the same episode where Marinette calls Adrien "my boyfriend who isn't my boyfriend yet" and takes advantage of him being upset to try to win him over romantically. Marinette is forcing her feelings onto Adrien even more than Cat Noir is forcing them on Ladybug, because he at least doesn't expect a relationship from Ladybug in return. The takeaway isn't "don't be too pushy", it's "Cat Noir shouldn't be a bother to Ladybug", because that's what all the lessons in this season seem to be.
And, like, just because Ladybug doesn't return his feelings doesn't mean Cat Noir should hide the fact that he's in love with her to make her feel better, especially since his flirtation is stated to just be an outlet where he doesn't expect reciprocation, that Ladybug understands is an outlet and that nothing is expected from her in return. ("I know your heart's in the right place and that you don't mean any harm.") This has never before been an issue for the two, and now it suddenly is, four seasons in? I don't buy it.
I know the episode is saying that yes, Cat Noir should, indeed, hide his feelings to make Ladybug feel better, but that's unhealthy and I've repeatedly said that the show repeatedly demanding Adrien bury all his feelings so that Marinette can ignore them is wrong.
I also kinda feel like this episode purposefully makes Cat Noir kinda out of character by exaggerating his behavior into such an obnoxious degree and that it was specifically done in order to justify Ladybug getting mad at him (kinda like 'Reflekdoll' implied he'd pranked Ladybug in the middle of a fight, something he'd never do, in order to justify Ladybug being angry in that episode), so it just all feels so fake to me and I can't take it seriously. When I see a show blatantly trying to manipulate me, I tend to veer into the opposite direction out of spite.
So, yes, I went easy on Cat Noir in this episode, but, as you said, that still didn't make anything I said about Ladybug's behavior untrue. Like, Ladybug has reasons to be pissed in this episode, but the writers think Cat Noir alone is the justified target, and that's what I disagree with.
Frankly, if they'd framed that Ladybug's unreasonable anger towards Cat Noir was caused by her totally justified anger at having her private life be so scrutinized, and built the episode around that, this could have been a really good episode that could teach kids about boundaries when it comes to their favorite celebrities. They literally have the framework for that within the episode, but decided to instead give us another "Cat Noir shouldn't even breathe if it bothers Ladybug" episode. It would have been especially valuable since a lot of kids these days are actually following social media or Youtube celebrities or will do so in a few years.
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Hi Amy, I have a strange question and you don't have to answer if you don't want to! Do you have any advice on (safely and secretly) finding an irl tickle community in a given area? The safety concerns go without saying, and I really don't want anyone I know to find out I have this kink, but I want to be tickled so bad. I've also heard the kink community at large can be a little mean and dismissive toward people who like tickling, so that worries me. But I've been kind of lurking around the tickle community on Tumblr for a while and I've seen people like you talk about irl tickle experiences they've had and I'm always like, "where is everyone finding other tickling people? It's not like you can just go around asking" I'm also not a very social person, I don't go to clubs and stuff so it's possible that's why I'm so sheltered about it. I don't mean to dump on you, I honestly am just looking for some advice if you have it, and if you don't have any/don't want to answer then thanks anyway and I still love your content!
Oooh thank you sooo much cutieee~ and it's definitely not a strange question, that's like ~THE~ question isn't it, how to find your ticklessss and your tickle people ~
Soo first, my really loooong answer to this.
I'm very similar, I am a very private person especially with my kinks and I had some rather unpleasant experiences trying to make friends through various kink communities. Boundaries not being respected, people being too pushy, too demanding, and so forth. I've been pretty open and honest the Fetlife did not give me a real great experience neither in the tickling side or other communities. It's tough to navigate those communities if you don't swing a certain way and/or don't have your toes in the BDSM lifestyle. The cutesy loving tickling is a bit rarer to find in community. I don't do clubs or going out much either~
I did connect for a few sessions through Fetlife. And unfortunately they weren't the best. The one session I did enjoy was a little soured when I learned after that my tickler had charges filed against them for aggressively tickling someone in the workplace, and it only got worse with some comments they started sending me via email until I finally cut them off. My one experience with a tickle video producer was when one of them posed as two of the models they had worked with previously and was trying to I don't know, catfish me into having a session with them by supposedly relaying talks these ladies were having with the producer to me.
As you may have read, I did have a positive experience in meeting with a massage therapist for tickle therapy. That took years to build the mutual trust and friendship, and I'd say it was cosmic happenstance rather than a good method for finding a tickler. A majority of tickle and tease and other sessions I've ever had were all grown out of friendships and relationships. I had to find my bravery to come out of my comfort zone and ask for it from people who weren't into tickling and many times had never done much kinky stuff.
I will say though, asking someone to tickle you is like the softest blow to give if you start by saying you'd really love to try something kinky with them. Most people immediately assume whips and chains such. Saying oh you just mean tickling, and especially if it's you being tickled, all but the most uptight of people will be willing to at least try it out.
The soft approach has worked for me. I don't go in with hey could you tickle me because I actually run this tease tumblr and there's like hundreds and hundreds of people who send me requests to tickle them and oh also here's the gazillion tickle videos I've acquired over the years and a pile of artwork of scenarios of me being tickle tortured. It's a bit deceptive to play it up like there's this thing I always wanted to try, but I can't think of any way to do it otherwise.
Soo~ the shorter version of all that is, I don't have a specific method buuuutt~ for me what has worked is to find a local person or people you connect with personally, and introduce tickling. Sometimes people have no idea about it and absolutely adore the tickles even if they don't have a fetish or want to call it a fetish. It's wonderful if you can meet someone who not only has a tickle fetish but also has a tickle fetish with aligns with your specific version of it. You might stumble into them here, you might not. Most of all though don't give up~! Set up your little corner and love yourself and don't let anyone who isn't respecting you stay in your space. There are people who will definitely take advantage of knowing you're desperate for tickles and you do not have to stoop to that.
Hopefully my rambling is of some help~<33
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As I said in my ask before, because I want to expand and reassure people: it's completely normal to be upset when you feel like your rp/shipping partner is losing interest in your bond/ship, and/or not prioritizing you to some degree at all. It sucks. This is a completely normal thing to feel. When the people you're interested in interacting with are sending ask memes and/or interacting with everyone but you, when every thread gets replied to but yours; there will be times when you won't be affected, and bad days where this will upset you. This will upset you a LOT.
It may happen for various reasons, and you'd still be allowed to be upset about it. Your partner(s) may be having a relaxed approach to interactions with you because your muses are at a good point in development, and you'd still be allowed to be upset about it. It may be because they haven't seen your most recent ask meme/starter call no matter how many times you reblog it to try and make it more accessible, and you'd still be allowed to be upset about it. Hell, after a lot of years spent roleplaying, when this happens it still upsets me, and I'm pretty hard to make even a temporary dent in as I don't value roleplay as much. Usually, when this happens enough times, I have the bad habit to pull away- and I mean entirely, both from the people/person and the bonds/ships. I just no longer engage with them with the same amount of enthusiasm I had before, as my logical conclusion is that I have been sent a message without being properly communicated to, and I don't engage in this.
What matters is finding an healthy way to deal with it.
You feeling upset about this and wanting to have a chat with the person that you want to feel prioritized by isn't being pushy. This is you putting trust in someone to hear you out on something that has scrambled you a bit or a lot, and finding a solution to it together- be it reassurance or an explanation on why this has happened. It isn't pushy or manipulative to talk with your friend about it, as long as you don't make weird demands, and you should do it.
Picking something new or old to distract yourself with to calm down from the upsetness this has caused you, so you may have a talk about it with a clearer mind or simply get distracted from the emotion entirely until it subsides? Also very healthy, and a thing I recommend! Expecially if you start feeling like this past 9PM, which I call the Bullshit Hour to feel negative emotions, as those fuckers will be quadruplified. Never trust anything bad that you feel after 9PM, and you'll be much better.
HOWEVER, it's important to say that your friend shouldn't pay the price for your feelings: attempting to manipulate them into dropping their other partners for your comfort and jealousy is not going to happen, and displaying the willingness to try and make someone who is trying to accommodate you bend further to a temporary bad feeling is a shitty way to deal with the situation. This may seem obvious, but sometimes it's not.
Communicating about your upsetness after you calmed down a bit is always the correct choice. Feeling bad about a situation and wanting to talk about it to try and be comforted and accommodated a bit isn't being ''pushy'', as long as you aren't a complete dick about it and can compromise.
#from another realm ━ (ooc)#being manipulative and wanting people to drop other people for your comfort in this setting IS wrong. in any case and under any light#but let's stop pretending that feeling upset about things is being pushy and/or manipulative. let's just stop.#mind you: as someone whose mental illness makes emotions 100x enhanced: this WILL suck
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Permission Granted 3- Too Much
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e7a260dfe875a1913b890ed0c15cfd57/68cbd815b141536d-09/s540x810/dd3d742c18be9eb30d3cbf4205bfa664a06d6e72.jpg)
Author’s Note: This is the third chapter of Permission Granted, the first part of To Have it All. This is Open...from Jensen's side!
Summary: Jensen tries to do the right thing, but sometimes the right thing is too difficult.
Pairing: none yet, eventual Jensen x Reader
Word count: 6757
Story Warnings: Y/n's poor self esteem, Jensen's sexual imagination, mentions of an open marriage, mentions of depression, mentions of cheating, mentions of drinking to deal with depression
~~~~
I don't think I've ever put in the effort to befriend someone the way I put it in for Y/n. And I mean 'befriend'. That was the whole plan. Friends was the only thing I was going for, but the more time I spent with her, and I made sure to spend as much time with her as possible over the next few weeks...the more time I spent with her, the more often I was fantasizing about her. It was a bit embarrassing, actually. We'd be sitting at craft, having a nice lunch. I'd say something to make her laugh and then I would spend five minutes in my head thinking about her smile. Jared would make her turn shy by teasing her about Tara's on-camera flirting, she'd hide her face and I'd start thinking about how that innocent energy would translate into the bedroom.
And speaking of Tara, when she flirted with Dean, it was like Y/n was flirting with me. Every time, it fueled my fantasies. Hearing her call Dean "Pretty Boy" and "Handsome" and fuckin' "Cowboy" was so good because I knew that I was never going to hear Y/n say those things to me. 'Cowboy' was a personal favorite, and I made sure to let the writers know they should make that Tara's go-to nickname for Dean.
Y/n didn't flirt with me. Y/n still turned into a stuttering mess just talking to me sometimes. I would sit there, watching her freak out about the Pam-level flirting Tara had to lay down, wondering what it would be like for her to actually flirt with me. It would be something completely different than what Dabb and the boys in the writers' room put down. It would be sweet and wonderful. It would be uniquely Y/n.
I started flirting to try to get her to flirt in return and I tried, believe me I did, to keep the flirting to the same friendly manner that I flirt with Jared and Misha and Christian. But with her, it never came out that way. With her, it seemed…like too much, maybe. And maybe that's why she stopped hanging with us after a few weeks; I was too pushy. God, that was like a suckerpunch, though. First time I invited her to have a drink after work and she said 'no'? I was about two steps from demanding an explanation as to why. She didn't owe me an explanation and I knew that but it took Jared grabbing my phone out of my hand and holding it behind his back for me to register that.
"Ackles, she's allowed to say 'no'. She can do other shit," Jared reminded.
"I fuckin' know that, man, but she-" I reached around to try to grab my phone but he twisted away from me. "Gimme my phone!"
"Only when you promise not to call her or text her demanding a reason for her politely declining your invitation."
"Fine!" He raised his eyebrows and I let out a huff of a sigh. "I promise I won't demand anything out of her, okay? I'll just tell her that I'm sad she won't be there but I understand she can't always come out with us. Okay? Now gimme my phone."
"You can't get that upset just because she's got other plans," Jared said, handing my phone back.
"Well, she doesn't know anybody else in Vancouver so how could she have other plans?" I asked, my neck heating up at the thought of her meeting some Canadian dude and making plans with him instead of me.
"She's nice enough. Cute enough. Maybe she met a guy who-"
"I'm trying not to think about that possibility!" I hissed as I typed out a text expressing my disappointment at being declined.
"Hey, she's our friend now, isn't she? New friend but still. Shouldn't you want her to find some happiness? Way she talks, and doesn't talk, about her ex-husband...she probably needs something good."
He was right. Of course he was, but even though I couldn't give her anything, because holy shit that would be so bad, I still didn't want to think about her finding something good with someone else.
"She hasn't met anybody. She told us when the barista remembered her name a few days ago. She would have said if she'd met somebody who asked her out."
Just for good measure, I added "Hope your plans are more fun than ours" to the end of the text before I sent it out.
"Wow, is that denial or wishful thinking?" I rolled my eyes and started to walk away toward the wardrobe trailer to drop off the dirty Dean clothes. "Seriously, why don't you talk to Dee? I'm sure you could get her approval on-"
"Jared, stop." I turned to him and shrugged. "We talked about this. She's not gonna be around long enough to be worth the risk in even asking to start something with her. She's a fan. She's a friend. I can't see-"
"What if Dabb keeps her around? And what if Creation brings her in on the conventions? She'd be around a lot then, right? Would she be worth asking, then?"
I sighed and licked my lips. "Yeah...maybe...I don’t know. She's...she's…"
"Driving you crazy and we can all see it," he said, laughing.
"Shut up." I rolled my eyes and started walking to Wardrobe again. "Why are you pushin' so hard for this?"
"Because you haven't been getting any and you're a bit of a grump...and you're moving from 'grump' to 'asshole' and no one wants that. I love you, brother, but you get a bit hard to deal with when you're not-"
"Okay, okay, I'm not that bad," I argued.
"You practically growled at Misha yesterday when he asked you to get him a coffee," he argued back. "You nearly threw hands with Dabb over a line of dialogue in the newest script."
"Dabb's an asshole and Dean would give the damn kid a chance, okay? Only time he wouldn't was when he had the Mark of Cain. And Misha has legs, he can get his own coffee and fuck, you're right, I'm being an ass but who says it's because I'm sexually frustrated?"
"Me. And Danneel...because if it's not that, then you need to get your hormones checked because you're going through male menopause, old man."
I turned to him again, glaring up into his face. "I'm not old and I'm not going through menopause. I've just...shut up." I had nothing to say. He was right. Jared knows me better than almost anybody.
"Well, maybe you should buy a Fleshlight...or get better at masturbating."
I rolled my eyes as he laughed. "Seriously, shut up."
~~~~
Y/n kept avoiding me. For a little over a week, every time I tried to get her to hang out or have a drink, she declined. I bit my tongue to keep myself from throwing a fit over it but it made me feel like I’d done something wrong.
“Did I do something? Has she said anything to you?” I asked Jared as she sent me another kiss-off text.
“No. She seems okay with me, though. We had lunch earlier while you were-”
“Are you kidding me?!” I exclaimed, trying to keep my anger to a minimum. “What did I do? Why is she avoiding me?”
“Maybe she’s uncomfortable with how you flirt with her,” Jared suggested.
“I flirt with all my friends!” I scoffed. “I mean, I flirt with you. I flirt with Misha. I flirt with Chris and Kim and Bri and…” I licked my lips and looked away. “I flirt with everyone. It’s just lighthearted fun.”
“But it might be different for her. She’s shy, Jay, and you are an attractive man that she still gets nervous just talking to. You can’t flirt with her like that.”
“Yeah.” I hated that he was so right about every aspect of the situation with Y/n. “Yeah. You’re right. I will...stop flirting with her. Keep it professional.”
“Don’t keep it professional; just keep it friendly.”
“Yeah. Okay. Um...I’ll fix this. I’ll fix it. Can you…” I cleared my throat and smiled at him. “Can you invite her to hang out on Thursday? We’ll have a few drinks, live tweet the premiere, and I will not flirt. Just a couple friends and a couple drinks.”
His eyebrows went up. “‘Just a couple friends and a couple drinks’, huh?”
“Don’t get that look. I’m gonna be a friend. Nothing else.”
“Sure. Your trailer?”
“Yeah. My trailer. I’ve got the better recliners.”
He nodded and pulled out his phone, walking away as he tapped out a text to her. I wasn’t jealous about the way she immediately responded to his text with a smile emoji and acceptance of the invitation. Not at all.
I made sure to stock the trailer with several kinds of liquor and beers and bottles of water. I ordered pizzas and snacks. Jared was in my trailer for half an hour, chuckling about me trying to clean up despite the fact that I had already cleaned the place. Y/n showed up fifteen minutes before the East Coast showing, wearing a cute pink blouse and a pair of tight jeans that hugged her hips just right. I had to stop myself from making a comment about the way she looked, directing her to my favorite recliner and handing her a Cosmic Cowboy.
“You tweeting the West coast premiere or just East coast?” she asked, getting comfortable.
“Both,” Jared announced, flopping into the second recliner. “We’re usually working on premiere nights but they gave us tonight and half of tomorrow off. We are partying!”
“We’ll probably be shooting ‘til four in the morning tomorrow to make up for it but tonight we are going to enjoy ourselves.” I sat on the right arm of Y/n’s seat and looked down at her. I was trying to keep my distance a bit, but I still wanted to be near her. “So where’ve you been? You’ve been a bit of a ghost the last week or so. Are you okay?”
She pursed her lips a bit and nodded. “Yeah. Just homesick.”
I understood that. Homesick was where I lived. I reached out to pat her shoulder. “Yeah, I get it. You never get used to it but it does eventually get a little easier. Facetime is your best friend.” I pulled out my phone to show her my Facetime app, but thought better of it. She was right there next to me...we needed to have a picture. “Picture time.”
She immediately ducked out of the way, escaping the selfie. “No, wait, what?!”
I chuckled at her reaction. “Oh, come on. Your television debut is about to air. We need documentation.”
She leaned back into the shot and Jared leaned our way. I took a pic and smiled as I tapped out a tweet, attaching the picture and tagging Y/n in it.
“You didn’t say you were documenting on Twitter!” she shrieked when her phone went off to let her know I’d tagged her.
I put on a grumpy face, but I was smiling inside at her reaction. I leaned down closer to her, careful not to take on a flirty tone. “We’re live tweeting,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, the premiere, not the party!”
“You are just determined to not enjoy this fame thing, huh?”
She looked all shy again and shook her head. “I just...I know how this could go, ya know?” I knew exactly where she was going with this. “I am not looking forward to seeing a bunch of hate on my Twitter feed or...ya know, the ‘who the hell is this chick’ stuff. I was just…”
I nudged her shoulder with my elbow. No real contact. “Hey, lil’ Miss Fortitude...we’re here to support you. Some fans are gonna hate it no matter what we do.”
“Can’t please everyone. It’s an important lesson. Don’t hold back just because you’re afraid someone’s gonna hate it,” Jared offered.
She needed to see herself for who she really was. She really did think that people were going to hate her. I didn’t understand why she thought so poorly of herself. Honestly, I thought she was one of the most amazing women I ever met. So, as I watched the episode, tapping out tweets about what was happening on screen, I was trying to think of ways to do something about that self esteem of hers.
She didn’t seem to like the Cowboy much, so when she finished the beer, I got up and made her a Vodka Cranberry.
When a new set showed up on the screen, I looked over at her. “This you?”
She nodded and hid in her drink as her scene played. Her acting was perfect, moving seamlessly from sweet to serious, berating the teen witches about their lack of determination. I looked over at her, discreetly, as we watched and her eyes went so damn wide. I swear she wasn’t breathing the entire time she was on the screen.
“That was amazing,” she finally said when it went to commercial. “I was on TV!”
She seemed really happy and I loved that. “See? Hold onto that feeling, Baby Girl. Who gives a fuck if the fans like you? We like you,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tight.
She loosened up a bit after that, I guess from the adrenaline of her performance, and she loosened up a lot more as the alcohol hit her. I won’t lie that I was happy to keep providing her drinks: Tequila Sunrises and Vodka Cranberries. I liked the way she was smiling and laughing and joking with us as she got drunker. I didn’t even think about the fact that she had to be sober enough to get back to her motel room...until Jared pointed out that it was 2am and we needed to get some rest before we made it back to the set at noon.
Watching Y/n pull her keys out of her purse made me step forward and wrap my hand around her wrist. “No.”
“What? I’m fine to drive,” she argued, before stumbling over her feet and grabbing the back of my recliner to stay standing.
“You are not. You are way too drunk to drive, Baby Girl, so you’re gonna get in the SUV with me and Jared. Clif can drive you back here in the morning,” I demanded. I waited for her to nod and put her keys back in her purse. The look Clif gave me when I helped her into the back seat of the SUV was like he knew exactly where my fantasies were leading me. The look Jared gave me when he got out of the SUV at his condo, leaving me and Y/n alone, said he was going to have a talk with me the next day.
I was so close to doing the right thing and telling Clif to take her to her motel...but then she laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled close to me on the back bench, muttering under her breath about how good my cologne smelled and the right thing just flew away. “Hey, Clif, just drive us to my place,” I said, quietly.
“Sure.”
“I don’t wanna hear it.”
“I didn’t say anything, Jensen.”
“Well, keep not saying anything.”
Clif opened the door for me and Y/n and told me to text him when it was time to head out in the morning. Y/n stumbled as we got into the elevator, so I wrapped my arm around her waist. As I was holding her to my side, helping her into my condo, it became completely obvious that I could not keep things professional with her. I couldn’t keep things friendly. I wanted her...so badly.
Of course I wasn’t going to do anything that night. We were drunk, very drunk, and I hadn’t even broached the subject with Danneel. That was the rule: Dee approves or nothing happens. But I wanted her...so I had to start making it happen.
“No, no, you don’t wanna sleep on the couch, Baby Girl,” I said as she sat down on the couch. “Your muscles will hate you in the morning. I got a big bed.” I offered my hand and she took it without comment, getting back to her feet and following me to my bedroom. I took her shoes off and helped her into my bed, before grabbing a pair of sweatpants and heading into the master bathroom to change. I slipped into the bed on the opposite side. She was already asleep...or passed out might be more accurate.
I slept for about three hours before the movement of her sitting up woke me. I knew she might be confused, probably a little drunk still, so I rolled over and put my hand on her shoulder, pushing her to get her to lie back. “We don’t gotta be at work ‘til noon, Baby Girl. Sleep off some more’a that tequila.”
She sighed and turned away from me, snuggling into my extra pillow. “‘Kay, but if your wife puts a hit out on me, I’m blaming you.”
I slipped my arm around her and pulled her against my chest. Just a little bit, get closer to her. “Trust me. Dee isn’t the jealous type,” I whispered.
I fell asleep holding her, my hand over her ribcage, just under her breast. I wanted more. I wanted to know what she felt like, what she sounded like. I wanted to know what she tasted like. But I would have to settle for my hands staying in neutral zones and my dick staying in my pants...for a little while.
When she woke up again, maybe prompted by my morning hardon poking her in the ass, she immediately rolled out of my bed and rushed out of the room. I stretched and grabbed clothes for the day, walking into the bathroom to get a shower. The erection went away without me having to take a hands-on approach. I brushed my teeth, put some of the Tom Ford on, and grabbed one of my watches out of the watch box. I called Clif, who said he’d be there to pick up me and my ‘girlfriend’ in ten minutes. I rolled my eyes and told him to keep that shit to himself.
I found Y/n in my kitchen, drinking a glass of water. “Clif’ll be here in about ten minutes. He’s gonna drop us by your motel so you can get showered and changed. How’s your hangover?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t have one,” she said, dismissively. I could not believe that shit. “I drank a lot of water last night. You’ve probably got Nestle bottles strewn across your trailer. I always make sure to drink twice as much water as alcohol. It stops the headache and light sensitivity. So I just end up a little sick to my stomach, which can be remedied with Dramamine and a good sandwich.”
I was surprised by that wisdom coming out of this young woman. “Wow. You know how to drink.”
“Yeah, well…” She looked down at the floor and licked her lips. “I used to drown my depression in rum, so…”
That sentence hit me with a pang of empathetic sadness. “You’ve got depression?” I asked quietly. Jared’s got depression. Some of the best people I know have it. They don’t deserve to feel like that.
“Not Chemical Depression. It’s Situational. My old therapist was very specific about that.” She took a shaky breath before she continued. “When I get low, I get really low. It was at its worst when I was married...so I had five years of really low.”
There it was. Jared said it: she didn’t talk about her ex. I walked over and leaned against my fridge, arms crossed over my chest. “Yeah, ya know...you talk about your daughter all the time, but you barely ever mention her father. What happened there?”
She was obviously uncomfortable and unhappy to think about it, but she licked her lips and moved on with the conversation. “He was...ya know, he was my first real relationship. My only real relationship, actually. We married young. I told you that I was twenty when we got married. Well, Nate was only twenty-one. He wanted a woman who would worship him and...for a very long time, I did.” She cleared her throat, seemed like she was fighting back tears. “But he hurt me...emotionally. I was miserable for years and I couldn’t even tell for a long time. That pain became my normal.”
I didn’t even know what he’d done, but I could see the weight on her. It suddenly clicked for me, the self-esteem problems she was fighting. Whatever he’d put her through, it broke her self-worth.
“It was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me when he left me for...this friend of ours.”
“Shitty friend,” I said.
She nodded once, obviously fighting more tears. “You are not wrong.”
I didn’t want to make her feel self-conscious about letting her walls down, so I turned to get a cup of coffee and tried to make her smile. “You don’t seem like the type to worship a guy. You don’t even worship me and I’m totally worth it.”
“Oh, you’re the closest I’ll ever get again, Ackles. But back when I met him, I was different. I was…” She sighed. “I was fat and I honestly thought I was the ugliest chick in town and I hated myself and the fact that this guy was paying attention to me, saying that he loved me...I wanted so badly to keep that feeling that I ignored all the bad feelings.” I wish I’d known her back then. I wish I could have helped her see herself. “He kept me low on purpose, and as soon as I wanted to better myself. As soon as I decided that I needed to be a strong woman so that my daughter would be one, he stopped wanting me.”
“What, because he knew you were gonna realize what an ass he was as soon as you came out of the darkness?” All I could do was wonder what sort of man would do that to a woman. Any woman, really, but definitely a woman as great as Y/n.
I could see her nod from the corner of my eye. “That’s the theory.”
I turned to her and smiled as bright as I could. “Well, look at you now. Bet he’s kickin’ himself.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m on TV now. I’ve got almost ten thousand Twitter followers. My star is on the rise,” she joked...but I wasn’t joking.
I set my coffee on the counter and turned to her. “Not what I mean. The person you were when you married that jerk, she never would have sent that audition video in, would she?” She shook her head. “You never would’ve been able to befriend Jared and me. You never would have ended up part of this family. If you were still with him, you'd probably still be overweight and depressed and self-medicating with alcohol. You woulda only touched this world at the conventions."
She shook her at that. "Not even that," she disputed. She let out a little scoff. “I never did anything for myself when I was with him. He could buy Legos and trading cards and a thousand dollar special-import Playstation, but I couldn’t...I always looked at the cons, but I never went to them. Not just Supernatural cons either. Everything.” She licked her lips and ran her hand over her hair. “You know me well enough now that you know I’m a fairly well-rounded geek and I never went to a single convention until Nate left me. Not a single one. When I wasn’t worrying about taking care of him and his wants and his needs, I was able to finally do something great for me.”
Her smile went wide and bright. “That con in Atlanta was life-changing. I did things I never would have when I was married. I drove five hours, by myself, to a city I had literally never seen. I walked a mile and a half from my hotel to the con hotel and back, alone, every day.” She laughed an intoxicating laugh. “I walked to that bar in the dark and actually got up the nerve to talk to two guys that I looked up to. I talked to people at the con that I’d never met and I made friends. I got up and sang karaoke in front of two hundred people and I fucking rocked it.. It was like I was the old me again. I had the time of my life...which is what prompted me to go after the other things I wanted in my life...and that’s how I got to meet you.”
That convention made everything happen.
“Well, I’m glad you did it. You deserve to be here.” In my life, in my condo, in my bed.
My phone went off, Clif letting me know that he was waiting in the parking lot. “Clif’s here?” she asked.
“Yep. Let’s get outta here.”
~~~~
Her motel looked nasty even from the outside. I’d heard horror stories, but I hadn’t seen it myself...so when she got out of the truck, I followed her. “So, this is your temporary pad, huh?”
“Yep,” she said, grabbing clothes from the aged wood wardrobe. “Don’t snoop, Jensen.” She disappeared into the bathroom as I started looking around.
“If I snoop, what am I gonna find?” I called.
“A shrine to Misha! Leave it alone! It’s a GISHWHES item!”
I scoffed and shook my head, walking over to her wardrobe and looking through her clothes. “You’re ridiculous!”
“I think you mean ‘abnosome’!” she said as the shower turned on. Another one of Misha’s made up words that caused me to laugh. He’d be so happy.
I kept looking around her room, finding bits of fandom stuff and dead bugs and a picture of a cute little girl smiling in a frame on the bedside table, before finally coming across a familiar white cap. I chuckled as I ran my fingers over the many metal buttons with Supernatural characters and actors on them. I fitted the cap on my head and waited for her as she finished her shower. When she opened the bathroom door, I could see pillows in the tub. She wasn’t joking about the bed bugs. Nasty.
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure this looks better on me," I said, turning to the mirror behind the TV.
"Of course it does," she agreed. "Everything looks good on you."
"Not sure how I feel about the buttons, though."
“If you don’t like it, don’t wear it!” she exclaimed, jumping to grab it off of my head. Not that she could reach it., especially when I ducked back away from her.
“Nah, I’m gonna hold onto it. Gotta make sure you don’t ghost again. I’ll give the hat back when I’m sure you’re not going anywhere.” I nodded at the door. “Come on, Clif’s waiting.”
She got her shoes on before we headed out to the SUV. She looked cute, in her completely plain clothes and her pink and black sneakers. She looked out the window as we drove toward the studio, biting that bottom lip. Shit, that made me wanna know what that lip tasted like.
She was stuck in her head, I could see it in the way she was chewing on that lip. I couldn’t help wondering what was going on in her head. “You okay, kid?”
“Um, yeah. Why?” It was the first time she didn’t take offense to me calling her ‘kid’. She was definitely in another world.
“You just look like you’re deep in thought is all.” My eyes found her bottom lip and I smirked a little. “You gotta stop bitin’ your lip, Baby Girl. You’re starting to bruise.”
She gasped as her hand shot to her mouth. She immediately pulled her phone out to look at herself in the selfie camera. “Shit. They’re gonna love this in the makeup trailer. Might have to actually put lipstick on Tara.”
“I kinda like it,” I admitted, licking my lips. “Makes it look like you had a lot of fun last night.” I wished she had the kind of fun I was thinking of.
“Well, considering I went home with a married man last night, Ackles, that may not be a good thing. Don’t encourage the rumor mill."
She was right about the rumor mill, but damn, I wanted to do something worth a rumor. I was good at staying out of the tabloids. I knew how to be discreet, but I wanted something with her.
"I think I'm gonna talk to Dee," I told Jared as soon as we were alone, riding toward Abbotsford to shoot the Chicago episode.
"'Bout damn time," Clif said from the front seat.
"She's only been here a month! Shut up!"
Jared laughed and slapped my chest. "Yeah, it's been a month of you pining over her."
"I have not been pining. Who says 'pining'? This isn't a medieval romance. I was trying to be her friend, okay?"
"You were trying to be her friend so you wouldn't have to admit how much you wanna bang her," Jared accused.
"That’s not why I was trying to be her friend!" I shook my head. "Dude, she is...she's got no self esteem. She has no confidence. She's amazing and she doesn't see it, so I thought if I made friends...if someone she admires was able to see her worth...maybe she'd be able to."
"Right," he agreed. "But you also wanted to bang her."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, so? That's not why I made friends with her."
"So, what's the plan? How are you gonna butter her up?" Clif asked. "And how are you gonna butter up the Missus?"
"Danneel doesn't need butter. I'm just gonna ask her to look into Y/n and tell me what she thinks." I looked out the window at cars passing in the opposite direction. "Y/n will be harder. Assuming Danneel gives me permission to pursue it, convincing Y/n that it's real and everything...convincing her to sign up to be my dirty little secret is gonna be...really difficult and I'm not even sure how to make it happen."
"Wow. You sound almost nervous, Ackles."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to not be an asshole. Asking a great woman to be your sanctioned side chick is...not the easiest thing to navigate. I mean, Isabella was-"
"Not anything like Y/n."
"Yeah. I mean, Y/n thinks my marriage is perfect. She said that shit last week. She might not take this-This might destroy her opinion of me and Dee. I don’t know if I want-” I threw my head back onto the headrest. “Shit, I shouldn’t even do this”
“Yes, you should. You need to at least try, right?” Jared said, turning to me fully. “Look, I’m not gonna tease you anymore right now. Gonna be serious. Y/n is shy and sweet and she will never turn you down. Never. The very idea of you being sexually interested in her is going to be mindblowing to her. But...you have to approach it softly. You have to get her completely comfortable with you before you even bring it up to Y/n...or it’ll be too much.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Jared kept talking. “She is so enamored with you but she gets really uncomfortable when you flirt. So you have to calm that down, approach it softly. Keep workin’ her, but do it with more tact.”
I licked my lips and pulled my phone out, opening my text chain with Dee. “More tact, huh? I’ll try.”
>>When I get done here, I’m gonna call you. Try to stay awake, please, babe.
By the time we got to location, she’d responded with an I’ll try! I went to find Y/n as soon as I got out of the truck and I found her running her hand over the hood of the quieter Impala, looking at it with all the love and admiration that beautiful car deserves. “Stop pretending you haven’t sneaked over and drooled over Baby before,” I said, walking over to her. I put my hand on her back, between her shoulder blades because that’s not so bad. It’s not too much. It’s not overwhelming.
“No, I have,” she admitted, turning and looking up at me. “I’ve just always admired the Impalas from afar. You know how the props guys are about the cars...a lot like you are.” She turned and leaned against the hood. “I get to ride in her. Like...seriously? That’s so amazing.”
“Did you ever imagine just how much sex has happened in the back of this car?” I asked.
She looked down with all of that adorable shyness before pulling herself out of it. “Don’t misquote my character to me, Ackles.”
I laughed a little. “I wasn’t talkin’ ‘bout the show. How many actors or crew members do you think have been in this car after dark just to mess around in the Impala?”
Her face went from shy to innocent in a flash. “I don’t know. How many times have you opened the door and smelled sex?” That innocent thing was an act. Had to be.
It took a few seconds to count them out in my head. “Half a dozen or so.”
“Why are you smirking? Did I miss something?” she asked, and her innocent mask almost fell apart on her.
“Ya know, sometimes I am completely baffled at how innocent you are...especially for a chick who’s got a kid at home.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips all indignantly.
“Well, you always act completely oblivious when I try to bring up sex in conversation. You pretend like I just asked you what color your shirt is or something...and let us not forget the fact that you woke up in my bed today, and you didn’t even make a joke about morning wood.”
“You think that’s probably by design, Ackles?” I don’t know why it seemed so much less fun when she called me by my last name. Jared had been doing it for years but out of her mouth, it hit a bit wrong. Probably because I wanted to hear her call me 'babe' or 'honey' or…'cowboy'. "You talking about sex forces me to think about you and sex. So for the sake of my own composure, I shut that shit down as fast as fucking possible."
She was too shy to think about me having sex and I was literally daydreaming about having sex with her. Crazy world. “Aw! Somebody’s embarrassed!” I teased, laughing out loud. “Man, I’m gonna get you to flirt back eventually. Tara shouldn’t be the only one who gets to make comments about my ass.”
“Oh, come on!” she shrieked, practically running away from me.
“What did I say, dude?” Jared walked over as she found herself in front of Misha in full Cas garb. “Tact, Ackles! Tact.”
“I…” I hummed and nodded. “I’m tryin’, Jare. It’s just not fuckin’ easy with her. She’s just so...she’s this mix of innocent and...she’s so shy and I just wanna crack open that shell and…”
“Chase her away?”
“I’m not trying to chase her away! I’m just…” I looked over my shoulder at her and Misha. “I don’t know. I can’t not flirt with her. I have to keep trying but...I really wanna see what it’s like when she flirts back.”
“She’ll flirt back when she’s ready. She’s not ready.”
“Right.”
He patted my back and pointed toward the alleyway we were going to be shooting in. “Focus on the job for now. Come back to it later.”
I did what he said, focused on the job and not the way Y/n was flirting so heavily as Tara, not the way she looked so cute sitting on a barrel and kicking her feet. I focused on the job...and so did she, but as soon as we cut for dinner, she was in her head. It seemed like she was doing her best to avoid looking at me, but every time I caught her actually looking at me, I could see where her eyes were...on my lap. I felt a bit of elation at that. Something finally got through.
“She’s thinking about my morning wood,” I whispered to Jared.
“What?!” she exclaimed. “No, I’m not!”
“Jay, leave the poor girl alone.” Jared’s words were soft, just a little bit of a warning on them. Maybe he could see that I was starting to break through to her, I don’t know.
“Yeah, Jay. Leave the poor girl alone,” she agreed with a big smile. That, I liked. Not a large group of folks call me ‘Jay’ and hearing her pretty voice on that single, simple syllable was awesome.
“But she’s so cute when she blushes.” She ducked her head, obviously blushing more. “See? Isn’t that adorable?”
“Oh, screw you, Ackles,” she snapped, the fire in her cheeks moving to her eyes as she glared at me. Not back to ‘Ackles’.
“That an offer? ‘Cause we got some time before we start shootin’ again and-”
“Oh, shut up, you giant child.”
“Hey, you’re the one who keeps checking to see how giant I really am.”
“Oh, my god!” she squeaked, covering her face with her hands. “Jared, please control your boy,” she begged from behind her palms.
He chuckled and smirked, taking a drink of his iced coffee. “You know you’re talking to the wrong guy if you want to control Jensen, right?” He gestured between us, but gave me a high eyebrow. “Because I’m finding this whole situation hilarious.”
She pulled her hands away and looked over at him. “Some friend you are, Padalecki.”
“Oh, he’s a great friend...to me.” I shrugged and winked at her. “I got thirteen years on you, Baby Girl. J-pad is always gonna have my back.”
She stood up and stuck her tongue out at me before stomping away. Pretty tongue. Long, pointed...I wanted to taste it.
“And she called you a child?” Jared commented.
“Nice long tongue though,” I responded, picking up my coffee cup.
“Tone it down,” Jared whispered. “You’re gonna chase her away again.”
“Still too much?”
“Yeah. Just a bit,” he answered, pointedly. Yeah, it was a bit more than a bit, but...what could I do? “She’s sensitive.”
“Yeah, some folks don’t like to be teased so much, Jay,” she said, sitting down.
There it was again. ‘Jay’. I really did like that a lot. I couldn’t hold back the smile that broke out across my face. “All right. I will tone down the teasing. I’m sorry, kid.”
“Okay. Forgiven.” She smiled back and her whole face lit up and my heart just sang over it. “And I’m still not a kid. The other thing is okay, but I’m gonna get upset if you keep calling me ‘kid’.”
“Oh, the other thing’s okay?” Jared asked. “You’re cool with ‘Baby Girl’, but not cool with ‘kid’?”
“Baby Girl makes me think of Criminal Minds. Derek Morgan always called Garcia ‘Baby Girl’. I like it...but ‘kid’ is like...like I’m less than because I’m younger than you?”
“That’s absolutely not how I mean it. Not how I’m usin’ it, I promise.” I licked my lips and leaned forward. I’d have to stay away from ‘kid’ for a while, because I didn’t want her to even think that I saw her as less than. “I just like nicknames and ‘kid’ seemed to be a good one, but I don’t see you as anything less than me.”
She looked down again, but a smile found its way onto her lips. “Okay,” she whispered. I was getting through her shell.
The Kitchen Sink Tags- @flamencodiva @sacriceria @lyarr24 @440mxs-wife @nancymcl @mariekoukie6661 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @cosicas-cuquis @queenoftheunderdark @myheartbelongsintz @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278 @muhahaha303 @agirlwithdemonblood @this-is-me19 @mrswhozeewhatsis @leigh70 @maliburenee
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Not to be misinterpreted as directing all this AT op, as opposed to at the fan community at large, but...
I think that maybe we could use tags though, because very often jumping into undiscussed kink will read as non-con out of nowhere with no warning to another reader.
Proper tagging isn't just to let people avoid your fic, it's also to help people find it when that's what they're into.
I want to be clear that I am not trying to demand therapy speak and perfect self-awareness in every fic either, because I have talked about this before, I just think there's value in writers understanding the distinction and tagging things in a way that actually tells you what you are going to get.
Tags like "Implicitly understood kink" or "established kink" or "Undiscussed kink" could go a long way, or even just writing the internal dialogue to support it. [Ie he knew from a previous conversation they'd had as friend about being frustrated he didn't get this from his partners, ect... Just give me something to indicate it's wanted and they both do actually know that, not assumptions and projection but actual certainty] Even "established relationship" can sometimes cover it.
Usually when I click away from something like that, because it came off really bad and I wasn't enjoying it, it's because there is a distinct combination of:
These characters have never discussed this even as friends [if you imagine they have you never told the reader]
They haven't been together before and haven't discussed wanting to
It was rushed and there were no check-ins at all, even non verbal ones, just pushiness
This is something the character is sensitive enough about, or vulnerable enough to, to be seriously harmed by it, if they're not into it
There was no internal dialogue or description at all betraying that the character knew it was actually wanted
There was no gradual warm up to it where there was any chance to communicate if there was a problem
It was not tagged as dubcon
All at the same time. Not just one of those, but all of them at once. It paints a particular picture. I'm not saying it can't be your fantasy or someone else's, I'm saying it maybe requires communicating on the label. When you put all of those together it just reads as dubcon or noncon to me with no appropriate warning. It's very "lack of a verbal 'no' doesn't mean 'yes'" in a lot of cases. You can't assume that because someone is erect it's a yes. You can't assume that because someone's in heat or in a particular state that they are giving consent. If there is nothing on this paper telling me they are working off of more information than that, then for all intents and purposes they aren't.
I feel like when I say anything on the subject the post goes mostly ignored because people think I am missing that being understood implicitly is part of the fantasy for a lot of people, when I am not, or because I am demanding purity in fiction when I have explained I am not. All I am looking for is self awareness and appropriate tags so that everyone can find what they are looking for [and avoid what they aren't going to enjoy].
Both because I don't want to read half way through a fic just to come onto a scene that reads as rape to me or the characters just being really bad at sex,
And -also- because people who ARE shopping around for that implicit understanding are probably equally having a hard time finding what they want.
I myself have written scenes where characters who know each other well have engaged in implicitly understood kink. You can do it in ways that don't read as dubcon. It takes some skill and some communication with your audience.
Some of it just goes back to a very author-specific 'theory of mind'. You can't just assume your reader has the same hyper-specific understanding of -and head-cannon for- the characters that you do without any communication at all, to your reader, either in the tags or in how you portray them.
Well, I mean you can, but then you can't be surprised when it results in a lot of people not getting what they were looking for out of it, or considering it an unpleasant or upsetting surprise.
The characters can all be on board implicitly because you imagined it that way, but your -reader- is still a person who maybe wants to know ahead of time what they are getting into. Communication between you and your reader can't be implicit understanding when they are a group of complete strangers to you and you haven't established any kind of dialogue so far.
Tags are good for everyone. The point isn't to not have or not allow for certain content, the point is to be able to chose what you are investing your time and energy into, and to be able to avoid things that range from a waste of your time to genuinely upsetting.
If your fic is "for" a specific subset of people and you want everyone else to ignore it if they don't like it and move on... That's what TAGS are for! That's -why- we label fic!
ON the subject of undernegotiated kink in fanfiction. i think we should talk more about how the concept of "not talking about it" is just as much wish fulfillment for some people as "in-depth, therapy-speak conversations where everyone is clear and understood" is for others
like yes, in reality the antidote to shame is open honest conversation with someone who will validate your feelings and wants blah blah blah but SOMETIMES what i want out of my fanfic is characters being understood without having to expose themselves in that way. SOMETIMES it's fun to not dismantle the shame and repression all the way and to instead treat that understanding-despite-not-being-clear as the fantasy
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