#if you are not embarrassingly into teen wolf definitely move along

[panharmonium]

three old notes i made for myself about the opening scene of “battlefields,” retrieved from my ancient email history and compiled together here at @brambleberrycottage’s request :) 

1) she was someone to him, too

that first line of stiles' about allison is so significant.  it's one of those lines that says so many things without saying anything at all; all the deep meanings are unspoken.

i don't think he's talked to allison, either.  

but that might be more her choice.  

you know?

every time i watch that i think, "no, ms morrell doesn't know.  but you do."

the show doesn't make the comparison in words, but it does make the comparison.  having stiles add the 'you know?' after that pause - having him accurately infer that allison is choosing not to talk to scott (which we see confirmed in the next shot, when she ignores the message scott left on her car window) - having the "you know?" placed over this shot of his eyes, where his gaze does a tiny shift down and away from ms morrell, off into space, the way we look when we're looking at something that isn't there, when we're thinking about something else.

he knows.  the show makes the comparison without having to say a single thing about it; it doesn't have to tell us in so many words - these little things are enough to remind us.  he knows.

this is such a little moment that is so important to me, the jumping-off point for their connection.  because it's not that they weren't friends before - but it used to be more of a 'you're my best friend's girlfriend/you're my boyfriend's best friend' kind of thing, whereas this is a crisis point, a turning point, one that kicks off their building of a relationship that will exist on its own terms.

and this relationship-building is a thing stiles chooses to make happen, at least in the writing-verse i’ve been playing in, anyway - i have a lot of feelings about this process and about the internal impulse stiles feels to do something, to be available, to be there, because everybody should have somebody.  he had somebody.  allison should have somebody, too.  

i don’t think he even consciously recognizes how strong that conviction of his is; he's just doing what feels right, but really what he's doing is exactly what chris tells allison earlier in the season:

what you know makes you responsible.  

stiles knows.  and so stiles feels responsible.  "whether you want it or not, you can do things that nobody else can do.  so that means you don't have a choice anymore.  it means you have to do something."  he's in a position to do things for allison that nobody else in their group can do.  he knows things that nobody else in their group knows.  he can do something - and that means he has to do something.

and that's why when we say stiles isn't nice, it doesn't mean he isn't good.  this girl dumps his best friend and it doesn't matter; he doesn't care; he's still going to be there, he's still going to go out of his way to make himself available.  he can't not do it.  he feels compelled to do it, in a way he doesn't fully understand but can't refuse or ignore.

2) (not) appeasing my parents so they don’t take away my car keys

aka, how stiles actually interacts with ms. morrell vs how we originally would expect him to interact with ms. morrell.

going back to that whole ‘stiles as a mass of contradictions/a character who defies expectations/doesn’t fit in a box’ thing i always talk about - because just looking at his character and what we know about him and the constant litany of ‘i’m fine’ that he recites to people around him, as well as how he handles adults he doesn’t have a connection with (see 3a & b for more on that) - you’d expect him to be more like lydia.  especially given that as far as the kids know, at this point, ms. morrell doesn’t know anything about the supernatural stuff they’re dealing with; she’s just a plain old guidance counselor.

but when we come into that scene, stiles is working with her.  he isn’t doing the lydia “it’s a butterfly” dance, which is what we would originally expect.  coming into that scene for me feels like stiles is pretty familiar with how this goes, and maybe he’s not completely comfortable, but he’s still willing to work with this lady, as long as she doesn’t give him a reason to retract his consent.

how do i organize my thoughts about this, um -

stiles absolutely COULD do the “it’s a butterfly” shutdown/evasion if he wanted to, and he absolutely would, if he stopped feeling like this was worth his time or if the counselor in front of him gave him a reason to withdraw his very temporary and very conditional trust.

the way stiles works with ms. morrell very much gives me the implied sense that stiles knows school counselors.  not ms. morrell herself, but school counselors as an Experience, you know, he knows that whole scene.  he answers every question that's asked of him, even asks a pointed one of his own ("how come you're not taking any notes on this?" - "i do my notes after the session" - "your memory's that good?").  he knows this process well enough.  

and the way that he works with her also implies that he’s willing to roll with counselors, up to a point.  like - stiles is so often smarter than the people on the other side of the desk; he is often two steps ahead of them, and he could, if he decided to, game their system.  he probably has, plenty of times, because stiles is, again, one of those kids who knows who he is and who knows what’s good for him and who doesn’t need unfamiliar adults/authority figures to affirm him or give him permission for anything.  he makes decisions without their input.

so what i'm saying is, if stiles decided he was done with counseling with ms. morrell, he’d be done.  it would just be over, that’s all.  she wouldn’t get anything else out of him - he’d either go lydia and take the “it’s a butterfly” route, or go master manipulator and manipulate himself right out of the room, testing normal/”fine” on every scale.  

but he doesn’t do that.  ms. morrell doesn’t have to pull information out of him; he volunteers it when she doesn't even request it.  i.e., ms. morrell says “one positive thing came out of all this, though, didn’t it?”, about stiles’ father getting his job back - and if stiles were just sitting there talking to her because he was being forced to, if he were lydia-ing his way through the whole thing, all he would’ve had to say is “yeah, i guess,”  and that would have been enough.  he could have left it there; it would have been a completely satisfactory answer. but he doesn’t.  he volunteers extra information.  he puts more out there when he doesn’t need to - he gives her something new when she doesn't even ask: “yeah.  yeah, but i still feel like there’s something wrong between us.  i don’t know, it’s just like tension when we talk.  same thing with scott."

and he does it again, when she asks “how about we get back to you?  stiles?”

“i’m fine.”  and you think it’s going to be just that, the lydia answer, but it’s not: “yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible’s about to happen.”

he gives that information up when he doesn’t have to.  he’s a willing participant in their discussion.  and yes, his willingness to participate absolutely can and will be withdrawn, immediately and without apology, if what he’s doing stops being valuable for him, if he stops benefiting from it - but he’s willing to run with it, for the time being.  

it's like….stiles is this kid who doesn’t feel any particular desire for counseling, when he’s not in the room, but he’s been in the room enough times to know how it works, and he knows that sometimes it’s a complete waste of time and sometimes it’s okay, and he’s willing to work within a system that he could manipulate himself out of in half a second as long as that system doesn’t give him a reason to change his mind.  he may not have any connection to ms. morrell in particular, but his M.O. is to give counseling its chance and roll with it for as long as it feels useful.  

this is just a very interesting dynamic to me, because it's definitely not what you would expect just from looking at his other character attributes.  and stiles and his attitude toward adult authority is one of my favorite character things to look at with him, because he just reminds me SO strongly of some kids i've known and it's so difficult to express what it is - it's not rebelliousness, it's just a mixture of self-awareness and self-sufficiency that renders the vast majority of external adult influence...unnecessary.  not resented, but always just - extraneous.

3. because...he’s evil.

(cn ableist language in the quoted material)

the exchange ms. morrell has with stiles about matt daehler is what i mean when i say this entire scene is a stiles stilinski character study.  

"are you saying you hope matt felt some peace in his last moments?"

when ms. morrell asks him that question, stiles looks up immediately, with a look on his face that says he knows exactly what she’s trying to get out of him, but he's not going to lie to appease anybody, and he's not ashamed of the truth, either, even when he thinks other people will say he should be.  

"i don't feel sorry for him."

"can you feel sorry for the nine year-old matt who drowned?"

and this bit, character-wise, this is THE BIT, because stiles makes this exasperated little expiration of breath and readjusts his lacrosse stick and proceeds to explain to her, in the clearest possible terms, no.

no.

Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one.  And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer.  And not just of her though; I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures.  Stuff like them holding hands, and kissing...you know, like he had built this whole fake relationship.  So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train.

and this is huge, here, because stiles isn’t fronting.  he’s not compensating for some kind of submerged guilt or pity - he legitimately does not feel sorry for matt.  

i love that the show allows this, that it doesn't take the easy route and give all its characters the same heroic empathy.  because scott mccall would have answered this question differently - but the show doesn't pass judgment on whether scott or stiles is right, the same way ms. morrell doesn't challenge stiles' explanation.  it just lets us have the differences.  it lets these characters exist with legitimately dissimilar outlooks on life borne out of dissimilar life experiences.

ms. morrell asks stiles specifically about "the nine year-old matt who drowned." what exactly is stiles supposed to answer that with?  stiles is not scott mccall. stiles loves scott mccall - loves him for being the kind of person who always wants to try with everybody; loves (and worries about) the fact that scott is the kind of person who would give someone like deucalion a second chance to do better - but stiles and scott, close as they are, have lived very different lives. and when ms. morrell asks stiles about whether he can feel sorry for the nine year-old matt who drowned, stiles can't say anything but no.

no.

bad things happen to everybody.

they happen to people who deserve them.

they happen to people who don't deserve them.

they happen to grown-ups.

they happen to nine year-olds.

and what happens to you, after something happens like that, is your call.

can you feel sorry for the nine year-old matt who drowned?  

he can't.  stiles was drowning when he was nine, too.  somebody threw matt in a pool, and then in the span of a few minutes matt was pulled out again.  life threw stiles in the pool and that was it; that was his new plane of existence - agony now, hell later, just survival - trying to hold his breath underwater.  it's called voluntary apnea.  no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding.

climbing out of that pool took years.  some days his feet are still in.  but he managed it, and he managed it without turning into a murderer, or an abusive stalker, so when ms. morrell asks him about nine year-old matt, sixteen year-old stiles looks back at his own nine year-old self and says no.

take responsibility for yourself.  

he tells danny that later, as a joke.  but it's exactly the right summary of where stiles is coming from here.

[j0eyj0rdis0n]

FIRSTS | RH

Ricky Horror | 1,939 Words

Smut

Ricky was a loner. No doubt about it. It was pretty plain to see. So it came as no surprise he didn’t have very many friends... He hoped that by junior year he would’ve had more friends than this. But he guessed that the four he had would be just fine. The four guys he’d hang around were quite the bunch, sometimes they jammed out together since they all seemed to play some instrument for a rock band, sometimes they’d sit around and listen to music, or Ricky’s least favorite option... Prank Chris’s older sister.

Chris was your younger brother and god was he a nuisance. Him and his little gang of friends would come over almost every night since your dad was a trucker, meaning he was out for a lot of the time. He really only came home to check on you both on weekends, the only time he could really have off. Your mom decided not to stick around very long when you were young so she wasn’t an issue for the boys either. They just loved to torment you.

Chris was the asshole of the group, Vinny was the wild idiot, Ryan was the crafty stoner, Justin was the devil respawned, and Ricky... Poor little Ricky. Sometimes you wondered how the kid got dragged into their group. He seemed nothing like them in everything but style. He was sweet. Always gave you shy glances, quickly looking away when he realized you’d caught him. He was the quiet one of the friends. But you knew he was damn smart. 

But overall, they were all just perverted teens. 

And the one thing you despised about all of them was their love to play tricks on you. That’s why you stayed in your room for the majority of the time they were at your house. You remembered when you came home from going and getting some snacks at the gas station since you had none at home, only to go up to your room and see Vinny looking through your underwear drawer. That’s when you started not leaving your room.

Another time Ryan decided to take a few pictures while you were bending over to look in the freezer for something to make for dinner. You honestly didn’t think your skirt was that short. Just goes to show boys will lay flat on their stomach for a look up there. You only knew it when everyone was filing out to leave and go home, Ricky came up to you and told you. 

Chris was just along for the ride. He thought it was funny. Sometimes he’d snap your bra straps or tell you that you looked funny. Brotherly love as people liked to call it. But he never took part in the perverted antics, only laughed to you about them after. Salt in the wound.

Ricky never tried anything on you, and for that you were thankful. But this was until the guys put him up to it.

The one time you decided to come out of your room that night when you thought you were finally alone. You get a bucket of water dumped on you in the kitchen by the one and only Ricky. You stood there in shock, soaked to the bone in your white crop top and black shorts. You heard a chorus of wolf whistles from the guys who were littered around the kitchen. Vinny sitting on the table staring you down, Chris had shouted moments before that he was going to get pizza so he wasn’t around for the scene, Justin standing by the door with a smirk, Ryan behind you clapping, and poor Ricky right in front of you with the most fearful expression on.

You knew that the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra was obvious through the soaked white shirt and you were totally embarrassed. Wrapping your arms around your chest, you try to make your way to the stairs, only to be blocked by Justin.

“Y/N, our friend Ricky here needs some help and we thought you’d be the best to help him. Since you probably want to get your clothes off anyway.” You can practically hear the smirk in Ryan’s voice without having to turn around. You hear the sound of him moving closer and you stand there with your back to him as you feel his breath on your neck. “You should help Rick out. He has been talking about you all night you know...” 

Why would he be talking about you? You didn’t think you were anything special... Just your brother’s sister. He couldn’t think you were attractive! Could he...?

You turn around and look at Ricky who’s still holding the bucket that’s now empty and his cheeks are a bright red and you almost find it amusing. You were only a year older than him and it seems to you that you’d gotten more action than he has. You could tell he was pretty clueless about the whole subject but you almost wanted the challenge. 

You motioned with two fingers for him to come to you. His eyes snap open wide with shock and he drops the plastic bucket onto the tiled floor. You motion one more time and he scurries over to you, standing in front of you and trying to keep his eyes at a respectable level. You tried not to chuckle as you see his eyes wander. He was so nervous he was about to piss himself. You, a hot girl, were about to hopefully have sex with him. But then again, he didn’t even know if that was really the case. You could just bring him upstairs and lock him in a room until the end of the night. He didn’t know. But your boobs were quite distracting right now and his pants seemed to be rather tight. 

You grab his hand and push past Justin, dragging Ricky up the stairs with you. More whistles came from the guys as you two made your way to your room. 

Once you shut the door behind you both, you threw off your tiny black shorts, leaving you in lacy black underwear that Ricky couldn’t tear his eyes away from. You were not going to lay on your bed in wet shorts. Your shirt will come off next but you’ll leave a little work for Ricky. The boy needs to use his pencil arms anyway. Maybe he’ll get a workout in out of this. 

You sit on the edge of your bed and look over at him as he’s standing in the doorway. He has absolutely no clue of what to do and you can totally tell. 

“Ricky... Have you ever seen a girl in her underwear?” You ask.

You didn’t think it was possible but his blush only deepens as he shakes his head and looks at his feet. 

“Come here.” You say calmly. 

He does as you ask and stands in front of you.

“Do you want to do this?”

He shrugs.

“I need a yes or no Ricky.” You sigh.

“Y-yes...”

You smile and carefully lift his shirt over his head. He’s as skinny as you imagined him to be. You grab his hands softly and put them on the hem of your shirt. You could feel them shake as he pulled your shirt over your head. He stares shamelessly at your breasts, taking in the sight. You chuckle and undo his belt, throwing it to the other side of the room and he wastes no time chucking off his skinny jeans. 

You glance down at him and you are pleasantly surprised by what you see. His black boxers are definitely tight and you feel a surge of heat down there. You shouldn’t be as excited as you are but goddamnit you don’t care.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” You ask sweetly.

He shakes his head no once again.

“Would you like to try?”

He nods.

You put his shaking hands on your hips as you stand up, resting your arms loosely around his neck. You lean in and kiss his lips softly, pulling away after a few seconds. 

“Wasn’t so hard huh?” You smile.

He smiles in response, you’d never really realized how beautiful his smile was. It was cute, heart shaped.

He leans in for another kiss, this time much more passionate and heated. He was obviously a fast learner. You both end up on your bed, your bra and underwear had quickly disappeared along with his boxers. You guided his hands to your breasts and he gave them a slight squeeze, rolling your nipple between his fingers. He was hesitant about touching any girls breasts but he slowly warmed up to the idea. You let out a shaky breath as he kisses your neck hesitantly. 

He’d seen the guys do something like this at parties. He knew they’d reach down and start touching on the girls they were with so that’s exactly what he did. Slowly he snaked his hand down your torso, rubbing a few circles on your hip bones with his thumb before continuing down, rubbing on the place it really mattered. 

He smirked into the crook of your neck when you moaned quietly. He felt acomplished in a sense, that he could make a girl as beautiful as you have this reaction to a simple touch. He was so fucking hard and honestly he didn’t know what to do. It was almost painful. 

“Rick.” You mumbled breathlessly as you throw a packet at him. “Put this on.” 

He looked down at the packet that was on the bed. A condom. Of course. He tore open the wrapping with his teeth and rolled it on. He had no clue what to do from here. None whatsoever. He didn’t even know where the fuck to put his dick. 

You saw the shyness flood back in his body and you knew exactly why. “Do you want some help?” You smile up at him.

His cheeks turn a bright red as he nods. You help guide him in the right direction until he understands, slowly pushing himself in. He has to bite his lip in order to keep a moan in. Shit you felt so good and he hadn’t even done anything yet!

You nod after a few moments, letting him know that you’ve adjusted. He takes the queue and slowly thrusts in and out. Whoa this was new. Really fucking new and he loved it. He gets to a better pace and he leans down, kissing you lightly. He didn’t know if he was doing a good job, but he was taking the moans you let out as a good sign though. 

It didn’t take him all that long to finish. He felt completely wasted as he continued, trying to get you off as well. You gripped the sheets tightly, squirming every couple seconds with your eyes tightly shut. He smirked as he reached down and rubbed your clit. Your orgasm was coming up fast and shit was Ricky doing a way too good job for his first time. 

You felt your thighs shake as you came, letting out an embarrassingly loud moan that you’re 100% sure they heard downstairs if they weren’t already standing outside your door. You look up at Ricky with half lidded eyes and a smile. He slowly pulls out and falls down onto the bed next to you. 

“That was... Awesome..” He says softly as he looks up at the ceiling. 

“Well come back anytime.” You chuckle and kiss his cheek.

Oh he will surely do that. Don’t you worry.