#if you ain’t used them before def try it

[sordidmusings]

Fic and Schedule/Prioritizing Update!

Love me some damn possum memes

So! Fics right? What I’m trying to prioritize right now are a Croc comfort fic, Croc smut request, Buggy the hat stays ON, and Straw Hats and the Three Unwise Men x marine reader. Running concurrent with that are chap 2 of Coronary Tale, part 3 of TLC massage, and ABO Law x reader x Penguin x Shachi. There’s an ungodly amount floating below those too 🥴 Luckily some progress has been made!! Just no completion yet lol

I am going to try and let the AuDHD demons have more leeway in hopes that it may get at least fucking sOMETHING done so there will likely be more posts of shorter and more random things going up. One of the reasons I’ve been nervous about that besides the hubris filled and doomed to fail pursuit of perfection but also because of self imposed guilt around productivity in general as well as worrying that it would come across that I’m shirking the bigger stuff and more importantly the things I’d like to make for people.

The things I see getting down the quickest that aren’t in the writing priorities are more sketches, one piece crochet, a dumb fun Shanks headcanon/drabble post, a layout of an AU I headed a bit back and have been building on, and ideas/plans for a distant Sabo fic that’s like a canon divergent AU (esp when it comes to celestial dragons there will me Many Liberties)

Also some reposts probably. May they not meet their second death 💀

Also gotta remake the lil baby masterlist at some point 🤡

Below cut more personal stuff if you wish to skip!

My second and third gigs have been asking more than they generally were and I recently had to step in on an orchestra to help my teacher and I’ve been keepin my folks and grandparents houses runnin on all the off spots so I have been struggling to find time and also mental space to create those I desperately want to 😭 I’m very frustrated with it because I feel I should be doing better at that cuz it’s not like I’ve never Gone Through It before 💀 I am at least quite lucky that I’ve been able to shuffle it all around health stuff just enough to keep it all rolling and esPECIALLY lucky my main gig ain’t firing me for health issues interrupting work. I digress though - mostly just a little vent and idea of where my attention is currently spread. I’m gonna try and push to get more out slightly against better judgement because yes spend more energy when big burnt out Bad but also creative things are supposed to help mental health and other stuff aint doin it so why not 🤷🏼‍♀️ if it gets worse that has its own perk at this point 💀

[queenofallimagines]

Alexis ness x witch reader

A/N: WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE?? I TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MIX MY WITCH HCS WITH BLUE LOCK AND OFC THE EX HARRY POTTER KID WITH THE STEM CAREER PARENTS WHO CRUSHED HIS DREAMS WOULD FOAM AT THE MOUTH!! Was word vomiting onto a page and this came out and I’m like??? Fuck yeah??

TAGLIST: @priv-rose

Alexis Ness:

- I am SO excited for this🗣️

- First of all fuck Harry Potter and fuck JK rat ass Rowling

- Good now That’s that’s out of the way

- He would literally be star struck like he def wouldn’t tell you he believes in stuff like that bc of his childhood

- But like when he sees your so chill he might joke around with superstitions

- But when you know more of them than he does,,,,?

- “Don’t forget! Salt over your left shoulder!”

- “Plant rosemary by your garden gate,lavender for luck and blow cinnamon into your house on the first of the month.”

- “I- what?”

- Putting some sigils for focus and luck in the shoes

- In the inside of the compression suit

- Reading incantations before a game to help(aka mumbling them while pressing kisses to his face)

- Putting a hex on the other team or players you don’t like (Kaiser)

- Kisses as a good luck charm

- Kissing isagi eyelids and forehead so he can smell his goals😔💕

- Charming a necklace he wears during games

- Putting something in his phone case for good measure so he can accidentally not respond to his family or kaisers texts💕

- You could put a little soccer ball charm on your altar for him🥺

- Alexis ness: Love please don’t hex the opposing team I want to win on my own

- Also ness: so like if you COULD hypothetically make isagi twist his ankle,,,,,

- He’s so funny and silly

- Asking you to turn people into frogs

- “It doesn’t work like that beloved”

- I like to think he would go to haunted places and drag you along

- If this is before he knows you’re a witch

- He pretends he just wanted to see the location and he don’t belive in ghosts n stuff

- Even tho he researched like 600 ghost protection methods before yall got here

- The two of you go in, joking around and having fun in the worn down building but the two of you stop dead in your tracks as you hear something?Footsteps...that aren't yours or his.

- Ness clutching you like a damn lifeline

- Your hearts are both pounding in your chests as you walk through the halls, unsure of what is making that noise that doesn’t sound like it’s coming from an animal…

- Mama ain’t raise no Bitch

- So you just straight up yell💀

- “Fuck off! go bother someone else!”

- Poor baby Ness quickly clamps his hand over your mouth, his eyes wide at your outburst. Whatever was making noise in the abandoned hospital immediately stops making noise tho 💅🏿

- Ness gives you the “you’ve lost your damn mind” look

- “Hey! Maybe don’t make whatever it is more pissed off-!”

- “That’s how you banish ghosts! so unless it’s something more dangerous you can tell them to kick rocks! We’re technically on their territory but like same thing I guess. They can’t do much but scare us and I’ve got like 10 protection charms they can’t really do much.”

- Pause

- Rewind

- Excuse me?

- “Y’all got about three seconds to get the fuck up out my way and two of ‘em are already gone because I don’t count shit but money so get to stepping Casper!”

- He’s going to propose to you

- “ Wait! You’ve got protection charms-!?”

- Ness is side eyeing you hard asf rn😭

- Not in a bad way but a “when was this??” Type of way bc he knew nothing of this

- “Ok then…but what about those ghost hunting shows! like there’s those that say that if they get pissed off they can hurt you for being on their ‘property’ if I remember correctly..”

- Like he’s pulling out his ghost busters encyclopedia lmao

- “Those are fake and I’m a witch they can’t fucking touch me. I’ve talked to demons🙄Some old grumpy spirit can’t do much but give me nightmares and even then they’ll have to box me about it”

- Lmao he’s like full stop staring at you wide eyed

- Kaiser baby you’ve been dethroned I fear

- A new emperor about to spin the block😔✊🏿

- Oh! And not let him hear you WORK with deities

- He will be like a kid in a candy store

- Like trauma suddenly gone lmao

- His ugly ass momma saying all that vile shit to him as a baby suddenly never happened

- He’s living his Peter Pan dreams!!

- Ness’ jaw drops to the floor as he hears you list out the demons you’ve worked with.

- Kinda thinks you’re making fun of him at first so he bristles at you but when he sees you’re not even smiling about it he’s even more shocked

- “So..you made a deal with them or something-? If you did that’s like….your soul is basically his now, right!?”

- “Not really? I just had to ask nicely.”

- Lmao he’s like trying to rewire his brain right now

- Nagging voices at the back of his head telling him

- Magic isn’t real and there’s probably a logical explanation for all of this like you’re so clearly kidding

- “Y-You’re like…a legit witch? Like you can do magic and summon stuff!?”

- “Yep”

- He stares for another few seconds before a smile creeps onto his face, his eyes going wide with amazement?

- Like you can actually see the stars

- “Dude this is SO COOL! You’re like a bad ass witch! Wait…CAN YOU DO MAGIC RIGHT NOW!?”

- Dragging you through the hospital as suddenly he done forgot about the shorts or whatever

- You flinch at something dripping but he don’t even turn around to look at it he’s rambling to himself for the most part

- “Alex baby It’s not like Harry Potter but I do curse people and do old ancient spells and stuff. Like I’m technically doing magic right now? I have a protective charm on us so nothing can try anything funny-“

- “A PROTECTIVE CHARM?! YOU CAN DO PROTECTION MAGIC TOO!”

- Lord

- He grabs your hand and starts yanking it

- Chill out???

- he’s excited about this magic stuff and as he holds your hand, he seems so innocent and curious about all of this now.

- “Show me some magic…PLEASE?”

- “Like what spell do you want? And again not like flying magic. It’s more…I guess stuff close to that? Still within the realm of reality. But I mean technically your parents do magic too right? They’re scientists. And just before you know how something works doesn’t mean it’s less magical yknow?”

- Ignoring the fact that last part is what sparked this entire head canon I’m right leave me alone

- “Eh..scientists are just nerds who figure out how things work, not really magical.”

- He’s gunna start pouting, he didn’t really believe in his parents nerdy sciencey stuff

- but your magic that’s WAY more interesting! Magic! Actual magic! How cool is that!

- “Magic isn’t just something you can’t understand. Like think of it. We don’t know shit about gravity and it’s still just a theory but if I drop something it falls right? Same principal. Things seen and unseen in this earth are magic. Like you can use chemistry in spell work all the time. like urine and bleach make chloramine gas and I’ve used that in curses.”

- See he only heard that last part I’m afraid

- was DEF not expecting the last part to come out from your mouth

- “I’m….You…put piss…into your curses?”

- “I WILL call the ghosts to come jump you on my behalf…”

- That got his ass In check real quick lmao

- “like the possibility that I CAN. Like it could be for a nightmare curse. Throw in some poppy seeds for mental unrest and nightmares, vinegar to sour their mind and maybe black pepper to get them to leave your life really fast.”

- “Huh…so piss, seeds, vinegar and black pepper in a mixture makes a nightmare curse…”

- “Why did you write that down….”

- Hope your grimore or whatever isn’t like private bc he WILL dig through that every chance he gets

- Got all the books on your shelves unorganized and fucked up be he done ran through them

- Like can you have some class??🙄

- Sits and stares at your altar for hours

- Like he’s looking at everything on it to see if he can figure it out

- No that table cloth is blue because that’s all I had leave me alone!!

- Back to deities

- He will always be polite

- Nothing if not a gentlemen

- Will say hello to them before YOU walking into the crib

- Like you know when a boy is so polite he talks to your whole family before even remembering he came there for you?

- That’s him

- “Hi great grandma! I bought you some of that liquor you like”

- Leaves more offerings then you I’m afraid

- He’s so baby deer coded they love him

- Everyone and they momma will ride or die for him.

- So like don’t let Kaiser be within a one Mile radius of your house and talking bad to him

- Matter fact? Don’t even watch his games in your home

- Bc now everyone mad

- “Why is he disrespecting my baby like that?”

- Like house is in shambles

- “Go give this to him”

- “What? But wasn’t this mine-“

- “Did I stutter?”

- He’s so beloved

- “I call him old man a lot. Or like Lucy-“

- “Lucy….king of hell, devil incarnate, Lord of the Underworld, and one of the most infamous fallen angels. And you call him LUCY?!”

- Jokes that your food is made with love but like now he’s not sure it’s a joke at this point….

[the-laughing-lunatic]

Mediscout cute headcanons!!!

(Omg yea I love these guys so much, def one of my main ships. I also rlly like their dynamic in emesis blue but y’know, not very cute. I have a lot of thoughts about these guys so I accidentally made this really long— word count: 1714. Thx for requesting! :3)

Medic x Scout headcanons!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Platonic☆

Scout’s definitely scared of Medic at first 

I mean, when your coworker mentions plans about putting a baboon uterus inside you you’re gonna be a little on edge

Avoids checkups for so long Medic has to find him and drag Scout himself to the medbay

“Sheiße, you are acting like a little child right now, it is not such a big deal Herr Scout. I am simply going to check a few things.”

“Well I’m sorry if I ain’t too thrilled to have some psycho puttin’ needles or animal parts or whatever in me.”

Medic groaned. “I just need to check your temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. Now can you please shut your mouth and let me work?”

While he took Scout’s heart rate, both annoyed, Archimedes flew to Scout’s shoulder and nuzzled into the man’s neck

After the checkup Medic sighed and ushered his dove over. “Him? Really Archimedes?” 

The dove cooed. “Well then, I trust your judgement, I suppose I’ll try to be nicer to him.”

After that he did try to be kinder to Scout, staying around him more, listening to what he’s saying at dinner, looking through his room to learn more about him—

That’s not how Scout interpreted it though, and one day when Medic was trailing a little too close to him again he just snapped “Will you fuckin’ cut it out!?”

“Cut what out?”

“This- this weird stalkerish thing you’re doing. What, you makin’ fun of me? You gonna take my organs in the middle of the night? What do you want?”

“Oh. I was trying to be nicer to you. I could stop if you want.”

“If you wanna be nice you could try talkin’ to me for once.”

And Medic did

Both of them are absolute yappers, and Scout quickly got more comfortable with Medic as they talked more

He’ll never forget the first time he saw Medic laugh

Like, genuinely laugh

He’d seen Medic laugh many times before, either on the operating table or during battle but it was always just…scary

When he actually laughed Scout couldn’t help but laugh as well, because Medic’s real laugh was so different of what he had thought of him

It was warm and nice, and suddenly Medic wasn’t just this psycho ex-doctor, he was also his friend

When they go out for drinks Medic often has to carry Scout back to the base because of his incredibly low alcohol tolerance (not that it’s hard though)

Medic would teach Scout how to take care of his birds in the case he was especially busy, Scout’s their godfather now

I feel like they’d also work well in a qpr, though Medic would have to help Scout a little since he’s been comfortable with his asexuality for longer and has probably been in one before

I headcanon them as both on the ace spectrum so I’m gonna delve into that a bit

I feel like Scout is graysexual while Medic is completely sex-repulsed

Scout honestly would’ve thought he was allosexual for the rest of his life until he heard Medic talking about how being ace felt for him

And he was like “huh, I relate to some of that”

Scout definitely has a lot of questions though

“So like- what’s romantic? Cus I don’t wanna take this too far, but you’re my cucumber, or squash— whatever the word is an’ I wanna show that I care about ya.”

“It’s zucchini, Jeremy. And the point of being in a queerplatonic relationship is that we get to make our own rules for what works for us. All you have to do is ask me if you want to try something.”

“Oh, um, well then. Is it okay if I kiss your cheek, doc?”

“Yes, Jeremy, it’s very okay.”

♡

Biggest dorks ever btw

Just so you know

☆Romantic☆

Medic would fall in love (or realize it at least) over something trivial

Accidentally brushing hands, a word of praise after a battle that made Medic especially appreciated, Scout falling asleep on his shoulder at movie night, etc.

It was weird, because Scout was almost the opposite of his type, he was loud, arrogant, and less than intelligent, but he accepted Scout as the outlier

Even though Medic fell first he didn’t initiate it

Though his moral compass was less than straight when it came to advancing the field of medicine, it felt weird to be the one starting anything with a guy nearly 20 years younger than him

He even performed a brain scan on Scout just to double-check his brain was fully developed (surprisingly, it was) so he could feel less weird about his crush

For a long time he just thought of it as an enjoyable distraction, not anything that could go anywhere

Scout liked Ms. Pauling, and Medic was fine with it. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to date Scout, he just liked the idea of a relationship, and Scout was an attractive man he could project those wants onto.

At least that’s how he reasoned it to himself

The giddy laugh Medic couldn’t help but let out every time he saw him, the way he always made sure to be gentler when he gave Scout his shots, how a Boston accent now equaled attractive in his mind (that didn’t come from Scout though, that’d be ridiculous)

With Scout though, his moment of realization was much less trivial

He was at four health a minute away from the end of the match, desperately trying to keep the blood from the bullet wound in so he wouldn’t have to go to respawn

Getting in respawn at the end of a match was miserable, because you might get stuck in there for hours after so everyone tried to avoid it at all costs

Scout’s eyes widened as he watched his health drop to three, no dispenser in sight

He closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself for sitting in the cold room for god know how long, until he saw a light above him

Holding his medigun, Medic stood above him, and the red glow surrounding him as he healed him made him almost look like an angel, his saviour

A psychotic angel, but an angel nonetheless

He felt Medic grab him by his collar (at what point did his knees go weak?) and say to him “Get up schweinhund, and fight.”

They won the match, at least that’s what Scout heard, he didn’t remember anything after Medic saved him

His entire body was on autopilot until the time he went to bed, when he had all night to think about how he was definitely attracted to guys

He definitely had a type though, regardless of gender

Glasses, dark hair, smarter and more mature than him (though that was a low bar), an itty bitty bit psychotic and have huge honkers— (jk jk jk) 

Scout starts coming to the medbay for the tiniest things now so he can see Medic more

“Medic, I got a splinter” “Medic, my elbow’s sore” “Medic, I have a major crush on you and don’t know what to do with it”

After a bit of this, Scout just gave up excuses, Medic didn’t seem to mind his company

It became routine, after dinner Scout’d follow him to the medbay and talk with him while  Medic filled out paperwork, occasionally giving a nod or short question to let Scout know he was still listening

One night though, Scout didn’t follow him back

Medic was disappointed, he had gotten rather fond of his chatter, but shrugged it off as Scout being tired

After a few minutes of paperwork, there was a knock at the door

He opened it to see a very nervous Scout holding a bouquet of roses

“H- hey doc! Um, y’know, we’ve been hangin’ out for a while, I really like you, and I hope you at least like me a little, so, uh, wanna go on a date sometime? Please?”

Medic just stands there for a solid bit before taking the flowers and smiling. “I’d love to.”

Scout takes him to a nice restaurant (that was definitely his idea and not Spy’s) and pays the bill for the both of them, which was substantial because Medic has a taste for the most expensive things on the menu

And Scout is a hella picky eater

“So like, can I have the steak, but - and stay with me here - you grind it up, grill it, cut one of the rolls in half and add the steak, along with fuckin’ ketchup, mustard, lettuce, pickles—”

“Sir, are you describing a burger to me?”

“...yeah?”

“It’s on the kids menu.”

“Oh. Sweet, then can I have that?”

After the date Medic lets Scout kiss him

They suck I hate them so much I don’t think about them all the time (lying)

Nicknames Scout calls Medic: Doc, Angel, Angelcakes, Babe

Nicknames Medic calls Scout: Hase, Schatz, Liebling, Dear

On the battlefield Scout’s constantly by Medic

“Hey Angelcakes, check this out!” “Didja see that? Didja see that?”

If they have to be separated any time Scout sees him he’ll give Medic a kiss

“Hase you’re at ten health, can you please stop trying to kiss me for a second so I can heal you?” 

“Ugh, fine.”

After he’s done Medic gives Scout a kiss. “Thank you, on your way.”

Clingy ass motherfuckers

Scout’s way more obvious with it than medic though

Medic hardly even has to do anything, they’ll just be talking and Scout’ll notice half-way in the conversation that he’s cuddled up in Medic’s arms

Scout often sits in Medic’s lap as he works, rambling on about some comic he read or whatever.

After a few months of dating Medic only sleeps in Scout’s room

It feels more homey than his, which he admittedly already slept in very little due to his unfortunate habit of passing out at his desk

Nights often consist of Scout cuddled into Medic’s chest while Medic reads aloud to the both of them

(real talk reading together is such an underrated couple activity can we talk about this—)

“ —alright, that’s the end of the chapter. Liebling, are you asleep?”

“Nah, just relaxed. Love you angel.”

“I love you too Jeremy, Goodnight.”

They are the biggest saps ever and I will stand by this until the day I die

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

[kayesfanfics]

Being Partners in Crime With Striker

A/N: Just watched all of Helluva Boss after some convincing, and I am coming out as a HB fan but mostly a Striker Simp. Also, takes place during the Harvest Moon episode

Warnings: Cursing obviously, some sexual innuendos and content but not straight up smut

You were born in Wrath as well, growing up poor was hard and your family turned to crime to make a living. You were a bounty hunter and mercenary, working hard to bring in money for your family and put food on the table for them. Your parents were getting old and tired, you and your siblings ran the family farm and did illegal work for extra cash as well

You met Striker when you were both hired by different people to go for the same target, not even realizing the other was there until your bullets collided when you both went to shoot your target

“Are ya crazy?! I was just about to kill em!” You’d both shout angrily, quickly realizing the situation. You would roll your eyes as Striker tried to tell you he could handle catching the target, and you didn’t have to worry your pretty little head about it. You both took off running after the target, trying to grab them or kill them before the other could. You got the upper hand, tackling the target and killing them quickly with a neck break. Striker skidded to a halt, a sly smile on his face as he grinned, “Well, a wins a win, ain’t it? Nice catch, dollface. How about I treat ya to a drink?”

After getting drinks together and chatting for awhile, he became less and less of an asshole, turning his charm on and making you swoon (on the inside at least, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction). After drinks, you went your separate ways, but started seeing each other more often because of your lines of work

You’d start dating eventually after finally giving in and going to his motel room with him to bang his brains out. He’s def a top though, so you’d leave the morning after with some scratches on your back and HUGE hickeys on your neck that were impossible to hide without stealing his bandana and tying it around your neck. He’d def like to mark you up to claim you, warning other imps not to even think about even breathing near you wrong

Lots of horse rides on Bombproof, you’d sit behind Striker and he’d make his horse ride a little rougher just to make you hold on tighter to him to stay on. You’d feed Bombproof while Striker got a fire going to take a rest for the night in the middle of the desert. He’d cook up some random Hell Birds he shot out of the sky for the two of you, plucking the feathers and handing you a bird on a stick. Not exactly the most romantic dinner, but you were also used to this kind of food so it brought some homely comfort

Speaking of homely comfort, you’d take him home to your family farm to meet everyone after a few months of dating and riding around the Rings of Hell with him. Your younger siblings were impressed with his gun slinging skills and he’d flex his muscles and let them hang off his arms to show off his strength. He’d be kind to your folks, kissing your moms hand and shaking your dads, complimenting their pile of bricks and talking up their daughter to them, which of course charmed them both. He even went as far to cook dinner for the whole family with you, giving a great first impression and gaining their approval to date you

When it came to doing bounties and assassinations together, the two of your worked incredibly well together, with your brains and his brawn. Plus doing it together made life far less lonely, being able to sleep together after long days of undercover work or chasing targets through Hell. Neither of you worried too much about the others safety, seeing how the both of you could handle yourselves with ease

When the two of you took an undercover job on Rough n’ Tumbleweed Ranch to get closer to a target and investigate the case. You did hard farm work all day between snooping around the house, acting as a charming couple looking for honest work. The work was nice to do though, reminded you of being a kid on your farm before you went into the bounty business, and Striker looked good doing his work so there was no complaining from you-

When your targets associates finally arrived, you slapped a convincing smile on your face and charmed them as best you could with your boyfriend. You quickly tried to make friends with Millie, easily gaining her trust by agreeing with her about things and saying shit she would like. Like when her paw suggested the boys enter the Pain Games, you talked up Striker which made her talk up Moxxie, and talking up your S/O always helped brighten the mood. You’d playfully say Striker was better, and the two of you made a friendly bet of who would win. You’d later laugh about it with Striker, giggling that there was absolutely no competition and he’d compliment your bullshitting skills with a grin

You and Millie cheered your boys on at the games, and you’d flash her a smile when Striker easily beat Moxxie with not much effort at all. You’d also take the opportunity to genuinely cheer for your boyfriend, enjoying watching him wrangle other contestants and wrestle with Blitzø in the mud like the stupid boys they were. Millie started disliking you when you cheered for Striker as he sang on stage about how he beat her husband and how much better he was than him, and you slipped up and said “What? He is.” instead of bullshitting some sympathy to Moxxie

After the Pain Games were over, you started getting back on track for your mission: killing Prince Stolas for his wife. You stayed outside with the family to distract them while Striker followed Moxxie inside, but when Millie heard something break inside, she went back inside and you now followed her up to you and Strikers room, just in time to see that bitch stab your boyfriend in the back multiple times. You quickly grabbed her and tossed her against the wall, nearly knocking her out but keeping her down

“Thanks, pumpkin’.” Striker grinned, kissing you before grabbing both imps. You let him go off, before turning to make sure the blessed rifle the Princess gave you was okay. You grabbed it and polished that little imps smudgy fingerprints off of it, smiling when Striker came back and wrapped his arms around you from behind. “Ya know that gun’ll work the same with or without smudges, right darlin?”

“Yes, but it looks better without them.” You smiled, handing the gun to him to make the hit as you heard the Prince’s voice on the mic. But your plan was eventually foiled by Blitzø and Moxxie, and the both of you ran off to safety, grabbing what belongings you could before heading out to find a shitty motel to crash for the night

[bitchslapblastoids]

Can I ask how much you talk to your partner about Dan and Phil and how do you talk about them? As someone who is not/has not been in a serious relationship, I find it hard to imagine how I would talk to someone about this, given my level of obsession. I don’t even really talk to friends about it. Like, do you talk about fic? Do you show your partner their videos? How did/will you bring up Iceland?

You don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal- totally get it! I’m honestly just so curious when I see phannies talk about their partners who aren’t also phannies.

Hi I actually really love this question bc it’s def something I think about fairly often, bc the tension is real. I am openly thirsting over these men, I have a real life partner, I share a life with him, but I also spend like a third of my life online thinking about the lives of these two dudes….it’s a thing. Just a heads up, my answer got really long.

My partner pretty fundamentally doesn’t get Dan and Phil’s whole thing, so I don’t show him vids or talk much about specific goings-on in the d&p landscape, bc it’s just a bummer to try and articulate or share something knowing it ain’t gonna land, lol. Even trying to explain the tour each time I came home from it all giddy made me feel like language was a hindrance and an impossible barrier to surmount. It’s just so hard to explain d&p’s brilliance when you don’t have some basis of common knowledge to draw on. It’s also hard to make someone else get the inherent appeal of two people’s chemistry and connection if they aren’t inclined to gaf about that kind of thing.

But he does know pretty much the full extent of my whole thing going on here lol. He’s seen my blog, sometimes I show him a post if I’m particularly proud of it/think it’s especially funny, I’ll talk to him about mutuals I’m chatting with sometimes or things happening on here that are specific to and exciting for me…basically I’m deeply uncool about it all. And yeah he knows about my fic (he hasn’t read any and I hope to god he never will, but i talk to him about broad strokes of plot in my longer fics, and he knows i write smut as well). I’m around him all the time when im writing so it’d be a pretty massive thing to hide, plus the process of writing/publishing Bowl of Oranges and its reception was sooooooo meaningful and giddying for me, so it was kind of all I could talk about for a bit there. He was/is wonderfully supportive and is happy that I’m writing and putting stuff out there.

i talked to him about Iceland the other week when i was close to impulse buying a ticket after the tysons shows, and he was down! If i follow through with booking a flight and hotel, he would come (not to TIT just to Iceland) and we’d just make a mini trip out of it. He’s used to me spending dumb amounts on concerts and we’re still fairly independent with our finances, so the money stuff isn’t an issue.

We’ve known each other for so so so long so he really understands my obsessive personality. We’re both quite strange and atypical in our own ways and I think have learned how to grow around eachother’s oddities and be patient and curious with one another rather than judgmental.

There are times I worry about my screen time and that I’m becoming too entrenched in fandom world at the expense of physical world, and i think at times I can neglect nurturing my relationship with him/all kinds of other components of life, bc the dopamine of phannie tumblr is a powerful fucking drug. So i try and be mindful of that. Definitely something im still working on.

To be completely honest about another tricky thing - I have definitely gotten stuck in a comparison trap before, of wishing that my connection and communication with my partner was as inherently easy and joyful and silly and immediate and Dan and Phil’s seems to be. My partner and I have many different interests, so while there are tons of things we connect over, there are also tons of things we can’t really share in the joy of experiencing with one another, and sometimes I’ve held Dan and Phil up as this paragon of love in comparison, feeling salty that I didn’t have what they have. I’ve gotten over that though, bc it’s definitely on the harmful side of parasocial; we only see some of their time and lives and they obviously have differences and disagreements too, and differences are good. And to be frank, will I ever have what they have (someone you grow up with and share 99% of your interests with and can share every dimension of your life with and not burn out on their company)? Of course not. I do think it’s pretty remarkable and special and I think most people in life won’t. And that’s ok because I also feel deeply fortunate to be with the person I’m with and I choose him year after year.

To touch on an elephant in the room - telling him I write smut fic was the thing I put off the longest bc I was scared/embarassed/felt kind of guilty about it all. And then I did and it was literally so fine. Idk, he’s great and I’m very lucky. I do have to be rly mindful of how the fantasy of it can impact my sexual desire. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about Dan and Phil’s life and relationship and, let’s be honest, sex life, and so shaking myself out of that and remembering to be embodied in myself and my relationship and my sexual partner can be a challenge. This feels weird and pretty vulnerable to talk about on here bc it kind of lays bare how you really can’t just compartmentalize this shit to one tidy section of your time and brain. but I can’t imagine other people don’t also find themselves in a similar position.

In sum, I do have a hard time with balance in life, and this is all something i think I’ll always be working on finding better balance with. But it’s not hurting anyone, it’s not rly hurting me, and it’s brought a lot of joy and creativity and connection to my life, so I try not to be hard on myself about it! I’m also deeply fortunate to have a partner who gets me and accepts me and is wholly nonjudgmental.

I’d rather die than anyone else in my life see this blog though. I have a couple friends who know I write fic and have a tumblr, but only the ones who I know are also into fandoms of their own and therefore get it. I’d reeeeeeally rather die than anyone I know irl see my ao3 that’d truly be the end. 🙃🙃🙃

Ok thank you for the question clearly I have a lot to say!!!!!

[onthecourtbugs]

Hey girl so I was thinking a tall reader with Nash and Jason possibly maybe more of jabberwock I haven’t seen a lot of people write for the rest of them..probably because they barely got any screen time like how Nash n Jason did,but if you can try that would be nice!!

Tall Gyal

Pairing: Jabberwocks x Tall!FemReader

Warning(s): None

A/N: You’re absolutely correct, we don’t see a lot for them! Allen’s is kinda short tho, ngl.

Summary: The Jabberwocks like tall girls too, don’t even lie and say they don’t.

-----

Jason

Still pinching and smacking and grabbing you everywhere. You thought being tall was gone save you? Uh-Uh. If anything, this makes it worse.

Or better? Maybe you like that.

Jay certainly does. It’s nice to not have to lean over or bend his knees to get a little action.

He loves it!

What he doesn’t love is the fact he can’t hide nothing from you. He’s used to putting stuff up high where he’s the only one who can reach it. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Wrong, cuz you can pull up a chair and see just fine. That and he’s not very original with his hiding spots so he’s practically inviting you to see all the snacks, surprise gifts and stuff you’re not supposed to know about.

He still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that someone else can and will reach up in his zone and take all his goodies 😫

You got that man frantically opening cupboards and swiping the empty spaces on top multiple times cuz he swore he put his Cheetos up there!

“Y/n!”

“Whut?” Laid out on the couch with the remote and an orange bag, watching your favorite show without a care in the world. The great thing about Jason’s place? Everything is bigger than you, even the shower.

“You seen my Cheetos?!”

You roll up the half-empty Cheeto bag with loud, telltale crinkles and start on licking your fingertips clean of evidence. “Nope! Check the cupboards!”

“I looked there already!” He sticks his head in the living room and glares at you as you quickly tuck the bag under your body.

You pull your thumb out with a loud pop. “What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me! I saw that!”

You smile, not even the least bit guilty. “I figured since Nash put you guys on that special diet, you wouldn’t need them anyway?”

“Nash don’t run nothing up in here!” He snatches the remaining Cheetos from underneath you and looks pitifully at them. “Damn, girl! You put a hurting’ on these didn’t you? Always eating my stuff…"

“Didn’t you take my goldfish and never gave em back?!”

“Mannn, why you bringing up old beef?”

“It was last night…”

“Like I said, in the past.”

You just want to snatch his piercings off sometimes.

Zach

He prefers tall girls anyway. Not to say he won’t go for average/short girls, but he def has a favorite in tall babes, and an even bigger favorite in you.

When you’re his girl, it’s a wrap, DMs are closed. Ain’t nobody else getting in.

He looks scary to some but trust me, he is totally and irreversibly whipped for you.

Makes grumpy grunts and whines and moans when he doesn’t wanna do something but ultimately does it anyway.

Gives you plenty of attitude when he’s mad but will never put his hands on you. He’ll reach for you and you flinch thinking he’s about to get physical, but he just picks you up and puts you in the bedroom for a time out.

Always tries to butter you up with food and hugs and kisses after he makes you mad.

Always has you on the inner part of the sidewalk.

Makes any excuse to touch you respectfully. -turns to look at Jason over the rim of my shades-

Want to wear heels, but feel insecure about being too tall? Zach is not about to let that slide.

He’s buying you heels and that’s final!

And not only that, he’s sliding them on your feet in the store and buckling/tying them up before taking your hands and helping you stand up in them.

Let somebody say sum to make you feel insecure about it.

“Go head! Say it with your chest! It’s not gone come out a second time so make it count.”

Happens to be a very talented dancer, and loves taking you to parties so he can show you off. Tends to reel back just so he can watch you do your thing in the shoes he got you.

Sometimes gets impatient for the slow songs so he can hold you close.

Sometimes doesn’t even wait and intimidates/bribes the DJ into putting on your favorite slow song to dance to.

Can’t even imagine a feeling better than holding you.

Nick

He’s just so happy you like him back.

All the girls usually go for Nash. 🥲

Shows out on the court when he notices you’re in the stands watching one of his games.

Jabberwocks ain’t never seen this man hustle so hard.

Cuz yeah, he did invite you and all, but you actually showed up 🥹

Like, you don’t understand, his heart is doing backflips in his chest. He cannot embarrass himself in front of you right now.

His teammates notice he keeps looking over at you and get nosy.

“Dayummmmm! She kinda bad tho!”

“That your girl, Nicky boy?”

“Yup~.”

They start setting Nick up for passes while having a whole interrogation in the middle of the game. 💀

Since when did he have a girl?

How come he’s never brought you around?

You were way too fine for him… but did you have a sister?

Nick stopped in his tracks and passed to Zach so he could fix Allen with a stare.

“What?”

“Really?”

“Quit being stingy! We could do double dates!”

Gets super excited when the game is over and you’re waiting for him to come over to you.

You looked so cool, leaning back on your ride with your shades propped up on your head and one ankle crossed over the other.

It was also easier to notice something about you that wasn’t so obvious when you were sitting… not that it mattered but…

“She kinda tall tho…”

Zach rolls his eyes. “Allen shut up.”

“I see why Nick was scared earlier, she bout as big as he is!”

Allen squints at Jason. “I know you ain’t calling nobody big, Paul Bunyan.”

“Cut it out.” Nash acts bored with the whole thing but he’s definitely watching from the corner of his eye.

You grab fistfuls of his jersey and pull him in for a kiss.

Allen

Allen’s not a complicated dude. He likes video games, anime, and basketball.

He doesn’t like getting into arguments with you and is generally chill with you.

Also likes that you’re closer to his height so he can grab you up.

He’s a straight clown and will act a right fool with most girls, but around you, he gets extra shy and acts aloof.

Thinks you’re kinda intimidating at first, but when he gets to know you he lets out his inner goof a bit and makes you laugh.

Nash does not let this man sit next to Jason when traveling, cuz when those two get together it’s over for everyone. Allen’s assigned seat is next to you.

Which is okay with him, if he can’t crack jokes with Jason he’ll just show you the newest Ninja Turtles movie trailer.

Has a million different playlists that he trades with you.

Doesn’t mind if your feet are in his lap when he plays video games.

Gamer lovers~

Tucks you in when you fall asleep before him, carefully removing your shoes and settling blankets over you.

Is extremely private about his relationship.

Has a whole system for buying consoles and games and will get you whatever you want.

Will carry you in any multiplayer game.

Is all for equality so if you’re higher than him he will let you carry.

Nash

Obsessed with your legs and loves to run his hands up the length of them when you’re in his lap.

They belong everywhere, on the couch, on the dashboard, heck, put them around his waist, he ain't mad.

Traveling first class is a given and that extra space is heaven.

Zach and Nash are brothers in arms when buying shoes for their baby girls.

He doesn’t care how tall you are, you’re still getting them.

So, remember when Jason couldn’t stand you cuz Nash is always letting you have your way?

He figured out how to take advantage of that 😂

Like you’ll actually have stuff in common and so seven times out of ten, when he wants something and knows Nash ain’t rolling with it, he’ll try to get you to ask for it.

Like when you want that one cousin your mom likes to ask if ya’ll can do something cuz you know if you ask she’s gonna say no?

You, my friend, are that cousin.

“Bro, you trying to go bowling again?”

Nash gives him a thumbs down and makes a buzzer noise. “Pick something else.”

“Mannnn.” He immediately turns to his trump card when you walk in “Yo, Y/n! YOU tryna go bowling again?”

“Are we going for real?!”

“What? No.”

“Aww, but why?” You drop into his lap a little too hard and he grunts but pulls you up against him into a more comfortable position.

“We went bowling yesterday,” he drums his fingers on your hip, “pick something else.”

“Well, we could do whatever you want first and then go!” You look up at him with soft eyes and just… ugh. The begging. He could handle attitude but was weak against the begging. “Please, baby?”

There was no way in hell he could refuse. You did give his interests first priority… His head falls back and he lets out a loud sigh before giving your thigh a light smack.

“Go get your shoes.”

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Autistic Kakucho propaganda because I need to convince someone:

Loyalty (no need to explain that one)

Honesty (same thing)

When he first meets Izana he tells him "You'll get bullied too if you talk to me". Ofc we could say that he got bullied because of his scar, but also, autistic mood + the "leave me alone" he said before, if he's ostracized then he's going to ostracized himself first - no need to be hurt bc people don't want to interact with him if he doesn't want to interact with them first

When Izana tells him to live for him + give them their King and Servant roles, he takes it as unmalleable truth (literal thinking). Sure, it could also be bc Kakucho desperately needed to find something to live for since he was very suicidal at this time. Perhaps a mix of both

If I had his earring I'd stim the fuck out of it. It looks extremely stimmable.

Not saying Izana is his special interest but he def arranges his entire days and life around Izana and what Izana wants/needs. His entire drive force is Izana

The same way you can't convince me that he doesn't follow a routine every day on when to train, when to cook (for Izana), when to clean,...

When Izana dies, his entire routine is thrown off balance (and lack of the meaning it had. How is he supposed to wake Izana when Izana's not there? When he doesn't live in the same place he lived before? Not to mention his grief is also present and impacting him)

Strict moral code and determined to follow it, strong sense of Justice may also be present

Would bend his morals for Izana (bc undying loyalty is prioritized; the most strict moral Kakucho has, perhaps? No betrayal no matter how small (no betrayal is ever small)? To keep following "the man [he] offered [his] life to into hell, if that’s where his path leads"?) but his undying loyalty won't budge even if he disagrees with Izana. If you disagree with Izana and he does too he's going to stop you rather than Izana (and ofc he'd try to rationalize Izana but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work)

Keeps a blank face most of the time

Has no interest forming new relationships, only did because Izana asked him to (Ran to South, chapter 227: "Kakucho ain’t gonna listen to you. In fact, he wasn’t really one of us until Izana told him to be")

Either no sense or twisted sense of danger (went to a Yakuza hideout to train (Rindo's failure story) and when Kisaki shot him he ran towards him)

Didn't see the problem with the Haitani standing out/asking for a different color for their uniforms (not really something NT people can't do, but can also be him missing a social clue)

High pain tolerance

Most of the time doesn't wear a shirt -> can only handle some textures; would rather not have to wear one (I can go VERY FAR to justify something, do not test me)

Uhhhhh... That's all I can think of for now

@chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter

[fairycheol]

nct 127 as older brothers

warnings: implied fem!reader, mentions of food, periods, minor injury and mental health issues

서영호

Johnny loves teasing the crap out of you, in front of family, his friends, YOUR friends, and especially around anyone he knows you like. (why you gotta be like that John ☹️)

He’s very overprotective. Luckily no one has ever tried anything with you cause ain’t nobody trying to get a 6ft tattooed man threatening to shove them in a locker (he has fr said this).

Given that Johnny was an only child for like half of his life when you first came into the picture he was NOT happy. He never liked to hold you or even sit next to you, he just thought you were gross. (it’s a baby johnny be fr)

As time went on though he grew to actually like you 😱. No but seriously, he’s very proud of the person you’ve become and tries to show up to very important events that you have because you’re his younger sibling and he loves you that much.

이태용

If i remember correctly Taeyong already has an older sister so when he found out he was getting ANOTHER sister, bro almost broke down.

Actually no he did in fact have a break down.

Unlike Johnny tho, he swore from the second you took your first breath that he was gonna nurture and care for you. He was acting more like a mom than your actual mom 🤦‍♀️

He makes you breakfast, lunch and dinner. Always has the pantry filled with your favorite snacks. He does your hair even when you don’t want him to and most importantly he keeps you from loosing your sanity.

When it came to school Taeyong always made sure you weren’t exhausting yourself physically or mentally. He’d let you cry in his arms for however long necessary to get all the nasty feelings out.

中本悠太

Yuta also already has sisters so when you were born he simply accepted having a brother would probably never happen.

Because of his older sisters Yuta is great at painting your nails, doing your make-up and doing your hair. He’s also very careful around you when it’s yk that time of the month. He’s been traumatized before and he is not gonna risk anything.

He LIVES for any school drama and it’s mandatory you give him every single detail, he’ll sit crisscross on your carpet listening to you rant while giving his two cents,

“no way she did that!” “see i never trusted her smth about the way she walks” “what a two faced bitch like seriously 😒 “

yeah he loves gossiping.

김동영

Doyoung was a little awkward when you were born because he was used to playing with other guys so having to be taught how to play with a baby let alone a girl was a little confusing.

He caught on relatively quick though (he got some paternal instincts fs) and was settling in to being a protective older brother just fine.

The two of you would eventually team up to bully your eldest brother because well it’s just what obnoxious younger siblings do.

Back to the paternal instincts, Doyoung for sure has you promise to message him every hour when you go out with friends and insist he pick you up from school or anything that involves you being gone for hours at a time.

One time, you got stood up on a date and when he picked you up and eventually got you home he snooped through your phone (cause you knocked out after crying) found the guys address and was almost arrested for destroying someone’s property.

Don’t mess with Doyoung.

정윤오

Jaehyun is just a weird older brother. That’s just the vibe he gives me. He doesn’t really care what you do or who you hang out with but if any of his friends try flirting with you *cough* Johnny *cough* then he’s gonna get overprotective,

“i love my friends but they CAN NOT be trusted in relationships, they all function on one collective brain cell” Nvm Doyoung might be the only one he trusts around you.

Jaehyun def thinks your an obnoxious little shit after you tour his ass apart for legally changing his name to YoonOh (why Jae? WHY?!), but that’s just what he gets for always making fun of you.

I also think he’s the type of brother to ask your opinion on a girl before he asks her out and if you have a y problems with a girlfriend of his cause let’s say she’s being a bitch, he 100% listens to you and breaks up with them. Love that for him.

김정우

Yk how Jungwoo kind of kept his older sister a secret? Yeah the members didn’t find out about you till like a few months ago and it was in the worst way possible.

Jungwoo was bringing the entirety of 127 to your parents house and stepped out for some groceries and told nobody you’d be getting home from school so walking through the front door you were met with a bunch of grown men standing on top of your couch holding pillows up as protection 💀.

Jungwoo likes to bring up that moment and any other embarrassing moments of yours that he’s witnessed to make fun of you, like the time at a dance recital you tripped and face planted in front of everyone. (you were 6)

Jungwoo is another MAJOR gossip queen. It’s to the point y’all have code names for people (which like same), but it really makes no sense since Jungwoo is never gonna interact with your classmates you have drama with 😭.

이민형

Idk why but Mark gives me the vibe that he’s an older brother who for some reason is just terrified of you 😭. From day one bro has kept his distance and i think he has the mindset that he’s gonna do smth to upset you so he’d rather play it safe.

The whole distance thing changed when he began spending like 90% in the SM building training at the age of 13. He got really homesick and missed the full family moment’s.

He’s a great listener tho, when school is getting stressful or arguments with friends/significant others occur he’s gonna let you talk through your feelings and on some occasions he’ll give you advice.

He’s def written poems about his family, like i’m thoroughly convinced he has written for his mom, dad his brother and now YOU 🫵🏼, it’s his way of showing his appreciation without yk, getting embarrassed having to verbally say anything.

idk if you can tell but i started running out of ideas so please give requests even if my writing is bad 🤟🏼.

[happilylovingchaos]

Music and Fic Monday for @lonestar-s5countdown

Sorry I’m late-ish! I’ll give a combination of recommendations for music and fanfics today (which is almost over where I am). And wow, there’s a lot involving TK (I’m getting concerned about how much he and Carlos get whumped, I don’t really care if it’s just me 😰).

([Re-])Surfacing Dive for Beginnings and Ends:

Beyond a lot of the stories written by @carlos-in-glasses, @paperstorm and @lemonlyman-dotcom that I think are also beautiful character studies of the Lone Star characters may not get explored enough (and in some cases even exploring parts of the characters that get most focus in-show), I wanted to give a few shout-outs to other, older one-shots/ full-length stories.

Lonely eyes, you don’t have to be alone tonight by @wwasted: A coda that takes place in between the bar scene and the end of 1x03. It’s very cute w/o dragging out too much of either man’s angst, which I liked.

The elephant in the juice bar by @taralaurel: Where Tarlos begins for real after 1x10, and TK tries and fails to keep a metaphor steady as he decides to take a chance.

Getting better by @lonestarbabe, Pigeonsplotinsecrecy: This fic really plays with the meaning of the words “begin” and “end”, especially with a mental health recovery arc and especially with TK. It’s not for everyone, but it describes how relatable, tedious, solitary and multicolored the process can be.

Rosa mundi by fiddlersgreen: A one-shot where TK, Owen, and Carlos make it to New York without incident and properly mourn for Gwyn… and it’s quite a spiritual experience.

You were the greatest thing by hoodieweather: TK is mournful after the events of season 2 as he goes to visit Gwyn and Jonah, but re-learns something important about life. Takes place in the breakup era. Before the ice storm? Actually def before the ice storm.

First aid by @heartstringsduet: I like to call this the gritty version of “Tarlos Begins”, only both characters have more fragile coping methods of surviving life in New York City. When those methods gradually fall apart and threaten to completely implode their lives, they have to face their respective truths and learn how to live— both with the people around them, the real versions of each other, and with themselves.

Not really bridal style by paperyowl: Tarlos begins again immediately post-3x04— with some relationship negotiating required. The author really nailed Tarlos’ voices for their first fic in the 9-1-1: LS fandom!

Haunted by the ghost of you by @strandnreyes: A sad and hopeful combination of 3x04 and 3x08, where Tarlos begins again with an unexpected end.

I’m not mean enough to fully recommend hurt no comfort Tarlos fics, or hurt no comfort fics in general (and I’m still less than a year into using Tumblr anyway), so for a definitive “end” fic in that category, I may direct you to MissPudim’s works where the issues with the whole Iris arc is addressed and Tarlos handles it Extremely Badly. Or this fic called Gone where… it’s… okay, hell. They still handle it bad, it’s still kind of an end and it’s a bittersweet end, albeit in an AU. And another one by bythebry, Ain’t got no tears left to cry.

Where all this love comes from by @carlos-in-glasses: I think I’m not the first one to recommend this story but I think it counts as a general “begins” for both TK and Carlos (mainly for Carlos, though). And I’m listening to Postmodern Jukebox while trying to re-recommend it… if you’re curious, I put one of their cover songs on the bottom of this post. Needless to say, I loved this fic!

TK (Begins):

Jewish for Himself by 7ate9: I felt a sense of completion to read a fic that goes into TK’s POV about how the religion Gwyn wanted to raise him under is, in a word, complicated (as hell). Yes, just as much as his career and gay identity. For that, I’m thankful to the author! (And not just because so many opportunities for TK’s Jewish rep was wasted…)

TK begins by writedontfight: Exactly what the title says, with a plausible and saddeningly real scar of loss in TK’s life.

Numb and Thirty days by come2gusu: TK begins again, and good GOD I’M SAD ABOUT 3x08 AGAIN nooOOOOOooO….

Carlos (Begins):

Duality of a day by @marjansmarwani: I loved this exploration of how double-edged the wedding day would feel for Carlos— the beginning of a new chapter in his life with TK, and the punch-to-the-face end of Gabriel’s own life (spoiler alert).

to build a home by @freneticfloetry: This story was the first “Carlos Begins” story I’d read. I thought I wouldn’t like the canon divergence that happens at the end, but I was pleasantly surprised!

Dancing, happy, seen by @endlesstwanted: Carlos’ POV as he falls in love at first sight with TK.

Silver lining’s gold and shining by @paperstorm: “Carlos begins”, with a little help from Iris. For me, it also parallels “Chimney Begins”.

I fell for you like a child (oh but the fire went wild) by ellay_gee: Told in a 5+1 format about Carlos’ experiences with love. It was so cute!

Tender eyes that shine by @alrightbuckaroo: Much like “to build a home”, this fic exuded “Carlos begins” energy with more focus on how the Reyes’ “identity” shaped Carlos, and him focusing on unlearning the emotional repression that comes with that ideal.

Music Recs for @tellmegoodbye:

If the Lone Star music team uses this cover of AC/DC my country-music side would be tickled. Just thought that a down-South version of a rock song would be a cool bookend to the pop collab “Old Town Road.”

Postmodern Jukebox is one of my favorite cover bands, and they’ve made a lot of songs I’ve heard of really appealing for me— retro takes on pop songs! This one cover of Oasis’ songs brought to mind another procedural spinoff, NCIS: New Orleans, for the jazz funeral feel added to apparently hotly-debated interpretations of the lyrics (I only just looked on Reddit, so…). But considering what’s happening, hearing the song in the context of Lone Star breaks and warms my heart.

[yakultii]

I kid you not I was just sitting in the uni library and before getting up to give up for the day and leave I wrote in my notes app kinda jokingly but kinda not:

“maybe western beliefs are just so wrong maybe no amount of doctor can fix me maybe I am simply cursed lol for I have sinned many times and seek no forgiveness - a new level of insanity or clarity” (Ik my notes are full of weird shit.. I was also studying medical dominance and how westerners have made it seemingly superior to other forms of health practices/understandings such as religious sin etc for context)

AND I WALK OUT OF THE LIBRARY, START WALKING HOME WITH MY SAD MUSIC ON REPEAT, ON THE VERGE OF TEARS FOR NO REASON(bc life rough but im fine), ON THE EDGE OF CAMPUS AND AM FULLY FINDING MYSELF WILLINGLY BEING PREACHED TO BY A CULT about the heavenly mother oh my god they’re getting smarter LIKE SM SMARTER cause I almost believed this was just a hella feminist Christian for a solid 10 minutes help im out of practice I haven’t been approached by a cult member in like 6 months cos I rarely leave the house ANYWAYS luckily for me I have an unhealthy special interest? in the researching of cults and every single step of their indoctrination particularly the correlation of various korean cults indoctrinating australian white women (when I say cults I don’t just mean religious organisation, cos while there is valid argument that all religion could TECHNICALLY be cult-like, I need u to know I respect religion for others and what it is and am aware there are some prominent factors which differentiate normal religious organisation from genuine proper cult) luckily this particular cult wasn’t going to take me to meet its rapist leader in korea like most the other in melb but it does isolate u from ppl u know and force u to “donate” all ur money lmao fail bc im already socially isolated and I have no money LOLOOL anyways usually they ask for ur number but they also have half given up when u tell them u used to be religious and ur not anymore bc ur critical but this time they just gave me their number cos I think they thought I was like fully convinced cos I was stupidly engaging in the discourse with half interest (but only bc I was trying to make sense if what they were telling me was accurate or not from a religious standpoint bc I was raised Catholic) but sneakily she was telling me all about the Hebrew bible and shit with examples of Hebrew text I couldn’t read LOLOL and what I rlly should have said is god is not my mother or father bitch my (ex) god ain’t male or female, my god if existent be a genderless non human spirit referred to as “he” bc we live in a patriarchal society where male pronouns are pretty standard in referring to just about anything in English language ANYWAYS I lowkey love engaging w cult members while some ppl say dangerous I usually detach my interest while talking as further research into their communicative ways but today I was caught so off guard bc at my particular uni there are usually just religious preachers sometimes who have no ill intent and see my gay stickers on my laptop and give up before they even start knowing they are gonna fail but these ppl defs didn’t go to my uni they were just waiting on the outskirts for sad uni students to approach LMAO mission accomplished also they told me im a good listener when I was like zoning out bc I said yes yes yes when they asked me if I was aware of particular religions events and terms lol that was not very convincing bc I was not demonstrating good listening at all ANYWAYS this was a pointless and probably an incomprehensible story that I cbf reading over hope u enjoyed stay safe don’t go getting indoctrinated into a cult

[qprpbj]

i actually have some headcanons for the silly au (i call it “an unlikely pair”)

- modern!au

- (headcanon) pony knows how to skateboard and is trying to teach paul and Chet (Chet keeps falling, bro has like 74953 bruises)

- where paul hasn’t beat up pony but like knows of ppl that do (after becoming closer w pony him and Chet make a pact to not hurt anymore greasers)

- paul and pony definitely do workouts in the summer (paul has his college packet of football workouts) and pony runs the track to keep in shape for the szn

- pony loves to infodump to paul about his fav books (also i headcanon that pony loves music as well!) and paul listens intently bc he too loved reading and used it as an escape before he found his love of football

- pony Loves playing rdr2 (he loves the scenery and Arthur’s character as a whole!!!)

- Paul has a big ass house (obvi. rich boy) and he has a redone basement that has a pool table and pony is so fucking good at pool and Chet & paul are like ???? And pony just shrugs and smiles “it’s just math guys!”

- movie nights happen at Paul’s place w the soc gang (marcia, cherry, chet, paul) and pony (sometimes Bev as well!)

- bev does makeovers with pony (puts him in Paul’s socy clothes and takes pics for blackmail purposes hehehe) (posts them on her priv insta story, chet and paul ofc screenshot them) cherry ofc screenshots it and sends it to soda and soda sends it to the gang and they all dog on him like CRAZY (pony is defending himself over FaceTime w twobit like “bro they Made me Please”

- Chet & Paul are basically like ponys protective older bros and guard dogs (he’s the same way w them tbh, like if some soc beats up paul bc he’s hanging w a “dirty greaser” pony fucking sees red and basically almost kills the guy for hurting paul) (pony is collecting older bros like pokemon at this point)

- marbit and cherrycola have double dates (two & soda tolerate paul bc of their girls (and pony), they ain’t besties but they are civil)

- chet will buy pony cokes bc he knows he loves them (will hide them behind his back and be like i got you somethingggggggg and be all smiley)

- Chet and marcia call pony “cowboy” because pony Always brings up how Marcia said it sounded like he belonged in a western film

- i know for a fact that the socs drag race just like the greasers do sometimes, so paul is def taking Cherry, pony, marcia, and chet (chet is the one driving in the race, Paul is w him as a passenger to watch for cops) pony would be so nervy for chet and just be like "pls don't die" and like be concerned and chet is like "I've been doing this since i was like 15 'll be good kiddo" and Chet just ruffles ponys hair ))):

— okie yapping over!! Here’s another moodboard (I love sharing my silly thoughts about this au, do you mind if I randomly just share them in ur dropbox?)

ok wait pony and paul doing workouts and conditioning together is making me sooooo. sigh. pony running track to keep himself ontop of tryouts whenever track comes back and paul practicing for football. ur killing me actually. both of them collapsing on the field when they’re too exhausted to even moveeeee. pony correcting paul’s running and form. it’s so special to Me

also yapper/listener bffs will always be sooo real sigh. the darry pony and paul pony parallels… i think pony loves classical music idk why but i’ve always thought this. nerds out soooo bad over ancient composers and his friends r just like ok whatever you say kid 👍

CHERRYCOLAAA i love you for this. soda being like wtf are you even doing there and pony’s just 🧍🧍. again. dare i bring up the pony darry parallels. pony in the bigger boys socy clothes and all it reminds darry of is when that used to be him bc pretending to be something ur not is so much more fascinating than accepting the shitty life you were born into!!!!!

marbit cherry cola double dates….. goofy little greaser boy best friends trying to impress their sweet pretty lil girlfriend best friends. sighhh

pls keep yapping as much as you want i love this lil au of urs so far <3

[straightouttatheashes]

SEND ‘🍳’, THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES THEM. IF THE EMOJI CANNOT BE SEEN, SEND ‘Fried Egg’.

“Just one person? Cause I got so many.” Phe smirks before shrugging a shoulder. “Aight! Well, straight up, Dice does. He’s always been one right at the top of my list. That man has everything put together and if he doesn’t, well he ain’t showing it, right? He’s got shit sorted and he knows what he does and doesn’t wanna waste energy on. I mean, sure he’s got waaaay more experience than me for sure, but I reckon he’s got what he wants figured out by now. It’s admirable, yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure I know what I want, but I mean….Dice is just…” She frowns, trying to put thoughts into words. “He’s someone who you’d def wanna take notes out of his book. He doesn’t fly off the handle, he doesn’t fight for no reason. He’s strong, fun to be around and just overall a guy you want in your corner. Plus, the way he uses those weapons and props in his performances? Unf. He’s got reaaaaal good form.”

ty @turning-through-the-never

@dicenne

[honeyflies05]

ITS TIME FOR MY 6x13 THOUGHTS BUCKLE UP PEOPLE!!

WE SURVIVED

WE DID IT!!!

that looks fun wtf

i wanna join that cycling class

I am char char is me

what is gonna happen with the water bottle

yo he good?

apparently not

if my thighs poison me just let me die

WHY IS BUCK BACK TO WORK??? LET MY BOY REST!!!!

Jesus they’re all goin💀

“did he just do math?? in his head??” CHIM-

SCREAMING

ANGELA BASSET WOOOOOOOOO

DAMN SHE RAN CROSS COUNTRY?? makes sense

denny missed the bus💀💀

denny and chim connection?? didn’t know I needed it

CHRIS ASKING HIM MATH WUESTIONS DJCIDHSHW I CALLED IT

BUCKS HANDS WITH THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY ANFJCUSBA

ESP DIFUDHSHSHAHAHA

buck and chris relationship >>

that IS a classic origin story

“HE COULD GIVE ME THE ANSWERS TO MY MATH HOMEWORK” THATS LJTERALLY ON MY BINGO CARD AKFICHDHS

MADDY BACK TO WORK MADDY BACK TO WORK MADDY BACK TO WORK!!!!!

that looks like a pioneer woman dish🤨

poor maddy💀💀

okay we’re back

I DO THIS WITH MY PARENTS ALL THE TIME AKDICHSA

…that house is green

WHO WAS IN THEIR HOUSE????

“you and law enforcement” NSIDHDHSHA

BUCK HAVING A CROWD AROUND HIM AND GETTING MONEY FOR HIS MATH DJCIDUDBWNWJEUW

HIM COUNTING THE MONEY SKFUDJDISBWA I CANT

she’s gonna have an asthma attack aint she

i too want a haircut without my mom’s permission

he seems like a creep💀

i don’t want him to do my hair

NOW GIRL-

WHY WOULD YOU THROW A BLOWTORCH

ALLERGIC TO WATER???

JESUS THE SCISSORS

the dead nebulizer stare AKDJFJDJS

WHERES DENNY

DENNY

…husband???

OH DENNY’S DAD

I GOT A MED EXPRESS AD DURINF THE BREAK ANDIHFHS

denny’s gonna get his ass BEAT

no Karen’s right

no bc see now I’m torn

athena going full police is so,,,,

they’re gonna station someone outside hUH

BUDDIE BUDDIE BUDDIE BUDDIE

RED AND BLUE COLOR THEORY

I’ve seen this part before

why does Eddie walk in here like he does this every Saturday night??💀

THREE MINUTES AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS!!!!!!!

I’m gonna be honest how tf do you play poker

MEHTA IS TRYING SO HARD SKFUUDS

HES GONNA GET CALLED OUT

“maths not his thing” YEAH! ITS NOT!

EDDIE LOOKS CONCERNED

“imagine that” SHE IS SO,,

PLAYBOY BUCKLEY!!!!!

EDDIE IS ONLY ARM CANDY!!!!!!!!!!

BUCK IS GONNA WIPE THEM OUT OH MY GODDDD

WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK

HE JUST LOOKS TO EDDIE

STEAKS???? S T E A K S ? ?

she noticed.

oh so my guy was FR HURT??

no fr why didn’t his dad come to them?? HES THE ADULT.

okay can we agree the looks eddie was giving buck we’re NOT straight

OMG HENS MOM?????

i want denny’s mushroom shirt #imgay

hen’s mom being the mediator and voice of reason is so,,, ♥️💜♥️💜💗💜💕💜

denny had good intentions but also he’s like 12 so

what’s she got stuck up her asshole.

A VIBRATOR??

BUCK AND EDDIE QUESTIONING HIM??

HER BLADDER???

his math ain’t helping💀💀💀

EDDIE YELLING AT HIM FOR THINKING AB HIS PAST RELATIONSHIPS THAGS HOW IM TAKING KT

hen knows how much that must hurt

NOTHING PREPARED ME FOR THAT CALL

buck was DEF on the phone with that girl he fucked in the firetruck

hen and chim bestieism

MADDIE WHY WOULD YOU INVITE HER IN

oh she SNEAKY

ATHENA!!!!!!

oh she wants a LETTER

WHY SHE TAKIN ALL THEIR MAIL????

THENA!!!!💜💜

okay but WHY does she want the mail

coupons💀💀💀

woooohoooo back to prison!!

buck would DEF use jeeyun for money skdichdhsha

my mom says aisha and hen’s mom’s actress are biologically related

hen’s mom is speaking truths with letting denny see his dad BUT telling his moms he’s doing it too and letting them regulate it like ADULTS

“like I got hit by a car” oh so he GOT JOKES???

YOURE AN ADULT??? YOU SHOULDVE SAID SOMETHING.

them being ADULTS and creating ground rules!!!!!

Karen and hen being amazing mothers once again god they stay winning

CHRIS AND BUCK!!!

chris is his sous chef!!!

COOKIES

America not using the metric system has its downfalls once again

“you know what a porterhouse is???”

“Buck.. I’m from texas” THAT HAD THE SAME ENUNCIATION AS “buck you don’t even have a couch!”

I LOVE ANGELA BASSET

that’s the same room Buck was in😭😭😭

henren fans were FED tonight (me)

ARE WE GONNA SEE BUCK FIGHT HIS WAY THROUGH A CROWD BECAUSE IM READY

i can’t wait until I leave for college and my roommate has to deal with me and my 911 brain

[bcnooneasked]

09/06/24 - 1:32am - in bed “gut, p, and my man, my man, my man”

so day 2 of a bone broth fast is over and it’s crazy how out of touch i was with my body. like i knew i was out of whack but i really had no idea to what extent.

it really is true that a upset gut bacteria can cause upset in your mind and life.

like i can’t wait to see how i’ll feel tomorrow.

sometimes when i eat the wrong thing it will l give me a headache and this was no different. i literally couldn’t get rid of my headache. it started binging on a pizza - definitely emotional eating for sure. i had just weighed in using the scale at work and 3 lbs of fat down and 3 pounds of muscle up.

like i have been fighting fasting for so long because i truly really do love food, but with the help of a lil bone broth, soda water, and kombucha i really be making it through. lots of salt in the water, and maybe a celsius or pre-workout today in the gym bc i am very much so not working out fasted but tbh i really pushed myself with weight and felt great!

i was there for almost 2 hrs… that’s not normal for me much anymore as i usual;y stick to just 1 hour or so but i spent time lifting and then i also did a little sauna and also some fascia stuff i think it’s called - massaging my muscles with a lil stainless steel gua sha lil thing. sweat is the lubricant during those massages and it might be in my head but they also might help break down fat for fat loss? idk in my head i’m beating them fat cells tf up lol.

also ugh there were some cuties up in the gym late at night. i’m def trying to not be too of a horny diva but when i say i miss dick i mean it with my chest. give me a big ol man rn. big. masculine, someone i respect, someone who rides for me, someone who teaches me, someone i look up to

i have been thinking lately i def do have daddy issues like i can’t ever be in love with someone who is a child. like i get the ick so dang quick when they try me like that. i get disgusted at someone not being impressive. i need to be enamored by you. i need to feel magnetic with you. i need electricity. i need you to push me to be a better person.

but he gotta be a masculine mf. i think i have in the past tried being with my more feminine sisters but like damn, i just wanna be like yea sis hey diva kitty gurl the house down boots with them,

it just ain’t cute. not for my forever man. no one needs to be my forever man besides that one dude and that’s why i think dating a waste. all i need is one good one and i trust and believe if i vibrate myself right, if i gravitate to godly good energy, if i lead with love, if i heal my bs, if i am the best most relationally healed self he worn’t be afraid to say hello, or maybe i say hello too but we won’t be able to deny our connection. every other relationship i’ll look back on and feel stupid for ever thinking that is what love felt like.

i can’t wait to be held and loved and prosper with him. prosper. heal. the christian in me wants to say praise too because honestly if he gives me a real man of god my pussy gonna praise the lord too.

he will come i just have to continue this fight to be celibate and prepare myself and heal myself of past sexual dysfunction so i can truly be me best self and set up my time with my life partner for success.

ok i need to go to bed but

since i been talking bout my godly pussy i really haven’t felt digestively efficient since i was douching regularly.

like my gut been off fr for a while now. i am solidified in that because even 2 days in and only bone broth and the things mentioned above, i still have bm in me. like i’m trying to play before bed but it’s still there and not glam or easy at all.

but like i can’t truly imagine how long these things been in me. like i truly haven’t felt together in my digestion for a while and i know i keep saying that but i imagine sometimes those things happen. clogs and buidup when your diet isn’t right.

[etherealising]

ugh. even though it was a “tame” chapter you still ripped my heart out and all the groundwork you laid here has me sweating in anticipation.

i literally can’t even write a non angsty chapter if i try. i too am sweating in anticipation because what am i even writing

i also randomly remembered that this masterpiece wasn’t always going to be a full fic with fleshed out lore and i’m grateful to be in the timeline where you continue to bless us with more barby (even if it’s angsty as hell) ((i love the angst))

i genuinely forgot about that and honestly maybe it shouldn’t be because i immediately forget what I write after posting but i am enjoying this journey. but oh well barby thrives!!!!

okay so this is so beautiful in that her mom gave her the advice that she would need to hear regarding her present situation with carmy before it was relevant and before she died - it’s like she’s speaking to her from the grave. mother baby was giving her the tools before baby even knew she what she would need them for.

right mama b was like lemme give it to you straight

god FUCKING damnit, how did you know that relationships with a clock/expiration date are my weakness? i hate to love the angst but god do i love the angst

ohhh i love this!!! the expiration date is definitely curtesy of mr. carmen

yeah no baby is so much stronger than i, i feel like i would be embarrassed to go grocery shopping in front of any of them - let alone cook for them

*sigh* life is easy when you’re the main character

this is so sweet!! i love the brother bear nods they are so adorable to me

i have not watched this movie in years so idk where all these brother bear call backs came from but giving mikey that nickname was an opportunity i could not pass up.

he just like me fr (socially inept)

he really said we’re so in love she’ll just automatically know what i’m asking

i just had the most disgustingly sweet thought of nat’s pregnancy cravings consisting of Baby’s Desserts™️ and nothing else

oh bestie it’s canon

omg hes so jealous

the jealousy is through the roof with this little dummy

carmy is the king of standing in his own way - this is such a major roadblock he’s going to have to get over before him and baby can have any chance at a happy ending

definitely heavy on the ‘friends-strangers-friends-lovers trope’

this is so traumatic to live with, and this whole speech of hers was so impactful and raw.

i cry during at every chapter i write

i love that the only real identifier in his apartment of who he is is of him and baby, that’s just really tugging at my heartstrings. i am a slut for the man who hates everything but his partner trope. ANNNNDDDDDD now we get to see wingwoman sydney blossom!!

syd’s just like y’all sure ain’t acquaintances in this picture chef…

carmy is so lucky that baby has a thing for emotionally unavailable men because otherwise he would have no chance up against our golden boy hayden. also i think i’m back to imagining hayden as bradley bradshaw bc he gives the strongest divorcee energy to me lol

so damn lucky cause hayden would’ve had me bent over in the frozen food aisle. also def understand the bradley bradshaw divorcee energy when i look at him all i see is divorced middle aged white man

YES LET THE JEALOUSY BEGIN!!!!!!!!!! oh my god i’m so excited about this it’s embarrassing

jealousy jealousy 🎶 these two are abouta be cock fighting *wink wink*

than the TWO OF YOU?? allowed?? my boy really thinks that nothing more transpiring was a mutual decision?? his head is so full yet so empty at the same time

bestie just wait till you catch up with the next chapter this boy is so stupid!!

fuck i forgot that it would more likely be a love square than it would be a love triangle. stupid boy knows nothing but how to be a stupid boy.

is it a square if carmy doesn’t actually care for Claire romantically anymore….idk just a thought

chapter five | we keep this love in a photograph

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x f!reader | f!reader x the bear crew | male!oc x f!reader | carmy x claire | carmy x wingwoman!sydney |

summary: as plans are set in motion and renovations move forward, carmy finds himself entangled with the thought of you.

warning(s): guilt | grief | language | mentions of death | mentions of suicide | substance abuse | recovering addict | idiots in love | self-sabotage | insinuation of sex | semi-edited | please let me know if i missed anything

wc: 7.1k

It was 4 am, and the heat from your oven warmed the kitchen. The biscuits lined up nicely on the cooling rack, You hadn’t given much thought to the task at hand, too busy trying to remove yourself from the guilt-ridden thoughts that plagued your mind most nights.

Peach juice coated your hands, the rhythmic act of peeling them helped you to silence the foreboding thoughts fighting their way to the forefront of your brain.

The handwritten recipe card was placed strategically out of the way to not get ruined while you worked around the kitchen. You were no chef that much was obvious, but your mom taught you the art of cooking from a very young age. Instilled in you a sense of independence.

Standing in your kitchen as the night began its metamorphosis into day, you couldn’t help but reminisce about the role your mom played in your life. As a single parent, your mom was adamant about you knowing how to live life without having to depend on the goodwill of others. And even when the Berzattos entered your life, she made sure that you were never too comfortable.

You were allowed to spend as much time with the family as your heart desired, your mom wanted you to understand and enjoy human connection. But she’d always make sure you knew how easy it was for a person to walk out of your life. She liked to remind you that you couldn’t control other people’s actions, and just because you were important to someone today, didn’t mean those same feelings would transcend into tomorrow. To take a little, but never too much, to allow a certain level of comfort but always remember your role in other people’s lives is never as important as you may think.

All the peeled peaches sat atop the cutting board, awaiting the moment they would be pitted and cut into symmetrical slices.

Parents, either unknowingly or not, pass down their own beliefs and ideas to their children. Children who were essentially sponges waiting to soak up whatever knowledge and information was thrown their way. You knew this first hand, your mom’s need for independence is the same flaw that now afflicted you even into adulthood.

The independence that was so far from what you craved growing up, so drilled into you by your mother, that you instead hid behind your dependency on the Berzatto family.

That same need for independence that you had finally given in to and had almost killed you five months ago.

While your mom saw her life lessons as a teaching moment to never overstay your welcome. You easily disregarded it growing up, how could she not expect you to live in your vulnerability, to depend on people she had so easily allowed to love you and take up space in your life?

You didn’t blame your mom for allowing you to know the Berzattos but you blamed her for the part of you that would always remember her words. Always make you second guess if your actions affected people the way theirs did you.

Her words once again made an appearance when Carmy first distanced himself from you and finally made a permanent home in your head when Mikey passed away.

A shrill beep alerted you, the oven was ready. The peaches are pristinely cut, along with the previously made peach simple syrup both awaiting use.

Gingerly adding all the ingredients to your Dutch oven, you placed the lilac pot into the oven before beginning to clean up the mess you made.

You knew your mom did her best raising you with the hand she was dealt. Your father, a shadow you’d never know. Her own life experiences an excuse to protect you from the world, from yourself.

As her health deteriorated, you watched your mom's outlook on life become less skewed. But what good would that do you? The little girl you once were absorbed her constant message and stored it in the back of your mind for safekeeping, awaiting the day such a pessimistic ideal system might one day be put to use.

The timer on your oven was ticking down, the hoard of minutes left until the peach cobbler was done brought on a feeling of despair. Watching the timer dwindle minute after minute felt like a metaphor for your life at the moment.

Time was running out, and maybe that wasn’t true but you sure as hell did feel that way. The time you had left to confess your shortcomings to Richie quickly passed by. The expiration date for whatever the fuck was going on between you and Carmy fastly approaching.

You couldn’t allow these things to continue festering in your life. The weight of them exhausting you, you couldn’t keep pushing on like everything was okay like nothing had changed between any of you.

Choices you made inadvertently affected them just as much as they affected you. You didn’t want this wall between you and them anymore, and even if the wall was nonexistent to them; it was very much real to you.

You would figure things out, you had to. There was no time like the present to commit yourself to fixing the lives you had messed up.

It was easy though walking through life as if you hadn’t ruined anyone else’s. It was almost like you hadn’t, if they weren’t privy to your vices, was there any point in coming clean? Any point in apologizing to them?

Those thoughts were wrong and you knew it. You had to admit your wrongdoings to yourself, to understand why the people you loved the most in life were deserving of an apology, because if you didn’t you would constantly spend the rest of your days justifying why your actions were okay.

Justifying the fact that because you didn’t mean to overdose, that made everything you did okay. That, because you were just going through a mentally tough time in your life, turning to stimulants to aid your grief, was fine. That you were trying to forget for all the right reasons.

Reality was though, there was no right reason for the choices you had been making this whole time. And that was something you still had to come to terms with.

Closing your eyes, your head fell back, face pointed towards the kitchen ceiling. A tired sigh escaped your lips, the exhaustion of recovery taking its toll on you. Tired of standing in the kitchen and being berated by your mind you decided to begin outlining the exposè you were hoping to write on The Bear.

Busying your mind was the easiest option right now, too much unnecessary thinking put you back into the mindset that got you into this mess. Silencing any unwanted thoughts was no longer an option for you, but focusing on something else was proving to work for the time being.

You had made a colossal mistake. Who did you think you were to bring people who cooked for a living a sweet and savory cobbler? That wasn’t your initial plan when you couldn’t sleep this morning and decided to bake. But after removing the dish from your oven allowing the aromas to swim through the foundation of your house, you couldn’t bring yourself to keep it.

A dish that was introduced to you through your mom and the lineage the both of you carried. A dish that Mikey would always want for, but never expect when you did make it for him. A dish that you had spent countless times baking with Carmy by your side the two of you messing up the recipe more than once.

A dish that you once loved so much, but after your mom's death it always tasted like something was missing. And now baking it for the first time since Mikey’s passing you couldn’t even stomach the sickly sweet smell of it.

Walking through the lot to the back door, you were unsurprised to find it unlocked. Entering, you began walking through the kitchen making your way to the counter to place the pastel Dutch oven, the tote bag with vanilla ice cream you picked up on your way there following quickly after.

You weren’t sure who was already here at this time but thought it’d be a nice thing to do by offering them a bowl of the diabetes-inducing dessert. The chunky knit cardigan you were wearing was relegated to the stool next to you, the kitchen felt unusually warm, or maybe that was just your body's natural reaction to being in the restaurant.

Since Carmy had taken over the joint you couldn’t pretend you knew where anything was located. You knew Carmy to be the type of person to run a tight ship, expecting a certain standard from his co-workers.

Searching through the various storage spaces lining the kitchen, you unconsciously bobbed your head to the music singing through your headphones lost to the angelic voice streaming into your ears.

Locating a stack of clear containers you grabbed them before searching for any utensils to eat with, trying four drawers before finding and pulling out a mix of forks and spoons. Finally making your way back to the counter you began ripping the plastic from the store-bought ice cream.

The noise in the kitchen alerted Carmy, the time on his phone signifying that it must’ve been Syd. Inching toward the kitchen he stopped for a moment to check the monthly timelines that were hanging in the front. Every day was filled with a new task, it would be do or die from here on out to even think about opening in six months.

Making his way into the kitchen he stopped the body taking up space notably not Sydney. Your head bobbed up and down to whatever was playing through your headphones. The quiet hum of your voice easily met his ears in the silent kitchen.

He watched as you raised a spoon into your mouth, confused as to why you were in his kitchen this early in the morning. The closed-off kitchen setup didn’t allow him to see what's taking up your attention.

Quietly maneuvering around to get a better view of you, the sudden thought that this may have been an invasion of privacy quickly crossed his mind. He was moments away from leaving you to your own devices before he spotted the scars painted down your right arm. The deepest one tracing from the top of your tricep to your elbow.

Small cuts littered around the larger one, almost like the smaller ones were put there as accent pieces to the main scar. Carmy couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck happened to you after you left his apartment that night, looking from afar it looked as though someone had gone at you with a broken beer bottle or something.

The movement of your arm drew his attention to the reflection of light off of the tape-like bandage above your elbow. His eyes found two bears he would know fucking anywhere, the amount of times you forced him to watch that movie with you and Mikey drove him fucking insane.

Seeing you in this kitchen reminded him of when you were teenagers. It was hard to come to terms with it but he resented you for working at The Beef, resented Mikey even more for allowing you to. It wasn’t fair to you, the more he thought about it the more he realized a lot of the shit he did and felt wasn’t fair to you when you were both younger.

Carmy made his way around the counter you were working at, stopping in front of you the only thing separating the two of you was the steel slab of metal. He wasn’t sure how to get your attention, not wanting to startle you. Standing there watching you shovel what he now knew to be peach cobbler, the nutmeg and cinnamon aroma delicately caressing his nostrils.

The scent easily transported him back to all the moments the two of you spent in borrowed kitchens making this exact dessert.

You were so caught up in the music blaring through your headphones that you hadn’t realized the presence standing in front of you. You jumped spoon clanging against the table as a tattooed hand reached out for the no longer empty container housing the contents of your homemade cobbler and store-bought ice cream.

“Jesus fuck Carmen!” A hand raised to clutch at your chest, you understood how Tina felt yesterday after you snuck up on her. You quickly pulled the headphones off dropping them onto the counter, “Why the fuck are you sneaking around and shit?”

Carmy stared at you blankly, eyebrows raised before his head nodded toward the bowl he was aiming to grab. You rolled your eyes before nodding, “Sure Carmen, almost give me a heart attack in this shit hole kitchen, oh and while you’re at it don’t forget to try my peach cobbler.”

“Heard.” A small nod was sent your way before he shoveled a spoon full of the dessert into his mouth.

A scoff escaped your lips, you picked up your discarded spoon before taking another bite of the ice cream. The atmosphere between the two of you became awkward real quick, neither of you willing to break the silence, neither of you knowing what to say to break the silence.

“So uh, what’s with the cobbler?” You eyed Carmy surprised he was the first to break the silence, you shrugged distracting yourself by putting the lid back on the Dutch oven to persevere the content's warmth.

“Dunno, couldn’t sleep,” it's not like you were lying to him, but standing in his presence acting as though everything was okay made you feel guilty.

“You uh still bake when you can’t sleep?” The sigh you let out was an indication of how this small talk was the last thing you wanted to be doing.

“Obviously Carmen,” your hand shot out to gesture to the pastel pot between the two of you.

“Right…right.” The drumming of Carmy’s finger’s against the steel caused a slight irritation in you. Nodding you wiped the non-existent grime from your hand on your pants.

“Right, well I need to finish my proposal.” You walked the spoon you’d been using to the dishwashing area before joining Carmy one more time, “I’ll be in the dining area if you need anything.”

“You said uh, that you were writing about Mikey and The Beef.” You nodded, waiting for him to finish his sentence, it didn’t sound like much of a question so you weren’t sure what form of response he was expecting.

The silence stretched around the kitchen, an unwavering stare down between you two filling the air with even more tension. You expected things to be stilted between the two of you, but things felt like they were on a whole other level now.

“Well, this is for everybody,” finger quickly pointing at the treats you bought. “It’s kind of a thank you for letting me be a part of this, even if you guys don’t sign off on the article.”

“No, yeah um awesome.” The blank stare you aimed in Carmy’s direction bordered on disgust, leave it to him to make an awkward situation even more awkward, it sure was a talent of his.

You picked up your tote bag and cardigan before heading to the dining area, hoping there was still a table and chair you could occupy. If working here with Carmen meant every interaction would be like pulling teeth, you’d make sure to ignore him like the plague.

“Is that peach fucking cobbler I smell?” Richie’s voice carried through to the dining area where you had sat staring at your finished outline.

You finished a bit ago but didn’t want to chance running into Carmy while it was still just the two of you here. Hearing Richie’s voice and the slight noise as you slipped your headphones off proved that you were no longer alone with one of your oldest friends.

“Baby! Where’s Baby?” You laughed maneuvering out of your seat to head back into the kitchen, unsurprised to find Richie and the rest of the crew gathered around containers of ice cream and cobbler in their hands.

It seemed too early in the day to attack your tastebuds with such a sweet confection, but it was kind of your fault for bringing it in in the first place. You made your way to Sugar’s side with a small smile on your lips as she ate her portion.

In the month after your release, before your house was ready you stayed with Nat and Pete. Your restless energy was channeled into your mom’s dessert recipes, a way to keep your mind occupied and the only way you knew to thank the two adults who hadn’t given up on you.

Nat constantly made it obvious that she missed the constant sweets you would bake just for her.

The two of you made your way to where everyone else was gathered around, you couldn’t lie seeing the empty pot caused a sigh of relief to leave you. You weren’t sure if you could handle being ridiculed by chefs for your poor-tasting dessert.

“This don’t taste like moms baby, you do somethin’ different this time?” Richie eyed you as he raised the spoon to his mouth, it may have tasted a bit different but that didn’t deter him from finishing his serving.

“Uh yeah, a friend of mine taught me how to make this peach simple syrup. It like helps the biscuits stay moist or something. Chef talk isn’t my strong suit.”

Carmy wasted no time before looking in your direction, he was situated across from you, and no matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t remember ever teaching you how to make a peach simple syrup. He watched as Marcus began talking your ear off about the dessert, the two of you falling into quiet conversation as you found a connection in sweet confectionery.

It was hard to watch as you so easily integrated yourself into the crew, Syd raptly listening to yours and Marcus’ conversation as if you were some award-winning chef and not just some journalist who knew how to bake. As he stood there watching everyone in the kitchen, he couldn’t pinpoint why his thoughts surrounding you seemed so bitter, he didn’t hate you, didn’t think he ever could.

But as he focused on you more, he realized that you were a part of Mikey he never really got to know. Of course, you were Carmy’s best friend but when things between the two of you fizzled out, Mikey’s role in your life became larger, even if you were separated by states and time zones.

Carmy knew he didn’t hate you, but it was hard for him to look at you and not see the relationship he wanted with his brother. He didn’t blame you, but he resented the way it seemed so easy for Mikey to love you, to be open with you.

Catching your eye he nodded his head in the direction of the dining area curious to hear about this article you were thinking about writing and maybe learning more about how it all connected back to Mikey and The Beef.

He made his way to exit the kitchen assuming you would be following behind him. Carmy stopped before turning around, he couldn’t make this decision by himself or at least that was his excuse as he called for Sugar and Sydney to join the two of you. It was probably all for nothing though as he knew the two women were already on board.

The four of you took seats at the table, the arrangement was oddly reminiscent of the meeting yesterday, this conversation taking place at the same table. You sat lonely on one side of the table while the other three occupied the other side.

You glanced down at your laptop in front of you realizing it might be better to join the others, the graphics would have been all for nothing if they couldn’t see them. Quickly grabbing your laptop you wandered over to the three individuals before plopping it in front of them on the table, you walked to grab the closest chair scooting it next to Carmy. You were too worried about the response to your proposal to be worried about being in such close contact with Carmy.

Sitting down you tried not to let the brush of Carmy’s leg against yours bother you, adjusting yourself in your seat before clearing your throat.

“Uhh, I made a PowerPoint,” the time you spent hiding from Carmy this morning allotted you the opportunity to do so. “It’s pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll walk you through it.”

You began clicking through the slides, the nervousness you were feeling earlier taking a backseat as you so easily settled into your element. Time flew by as you grew more passionate about the article with each slide going into even more depth than the information in the presentation did.

“The reach this article will have might just be the difference in The Bear’s success or the lot of us paying back a loan in 18 months.” The smile on your face was enough to show how excited you were at the prospect of being able to go forth with your project.

“Or you know, the food might actually play a part in The Bear’s success,” you looked in Sydney’s direction, confidence shot before noticing the small uptick at the corner of her lips.

You nodded a small chuckle leaving your lips, “I guess the food might play a part.”

Two smiles directed towards you helped to make you feel infinitely better about the whole situation, you were doing your best to disregard the figure sitting next to you. Not doing a very good job as his leg continued to brush against yours which felt like every millisecond, you didn’t want to assume he was doing it on purpose but it did disrupt your focus while explaining your presentation.

“I think it’s a great idea. We’re going to need the exposure,” your eyes shot to Nat as she began speaking. “I mean, there’s really no cons to going through with this.” The encouraging smile Nat sent you reciprocated on your lips.

When nobody spoke up Syd began nodding along, “Yeah, I-I think it’s a great idea, though my opinion may be a little biased.” Her words drifted off into a soft mumble as she realized her previous reading of your work may have influenced her answer.

The two women’s agreement seemed like all you needed, no sign of Carmy itching to chime in. The lull in conversation created an opportunity for everyone to take their respective leave and work on their tasks for the day. You gathered your laptop in your hands and moved the chair you were using back to its original spot.

Making your way to your bag and cardigan you began putting your laptop away and making sure all your belongings were in there so you didn’t leave any valuables behind. You tried to ignore the presence that stayed in the room with you, not in any mood to deal with Carmy’s hot and cold attitude.

“Why is this article so important to you?” Carmy hadn’t said a word doing your entire explanation. It would've been easy to believe he wasn’t in the room if it wasn’t for his warm leg constantly pressing against yours. His arms crossed over his chest, it was hard to pretend you didn’t know what was hiding under the knit crew neck he was wearing.

You found his eyes, the exhaustion in them a mirror to your own. For a minute it was easy to imagine the two of you were teenagers again, the urge to find a seat next to him again and pour your heart out scratching at the back of your mind.

“Can I be honest with you?” You took a glance in Carmy’s direction watching as he relaxed his arms almost like he was opening himself up to whatever you had to get off your chest.

“I uh,” a sardonic chuckle passed through your lips. “I told Mikey I’d write about him one day and…and by the time I finally made it far enough into my career he…he left us.” Carmy’s face didn’t give much away about his feelings making it a little easier to continue your train of thought.

“It's just something I need to do I guess,” you shrugged your shoulders as you faced Carmy once more. The want to be near him won over, taking a few steps to the middle of the table before leaning against it, the once large gap between the two of you now lessened.

“He uh, called me that night. I was at a screening for a friend’s documentary so I just let the call go to voicemail. Texted him after that I’d call him in the morning.” It was weird, Natalie had seen you at your lowest and you had yet to tell her the whole story behind the infamous voicemail that kept you up that night. But standing here with Carmy at this moment gave you a sense of safety you had been lacking.

“I remember waking up in the middle of the night with so many missed calls from Nat and Richie, your mom even called me once,” a humorless laugh escaped your lips, the confidence you had earlier to tell this story dwindling with each word.

“I finally answered Sug’s next call and I remember before she even said anything, I felt like this ache in my chest.” Your hand had subconsciously moved to your chest pressing against it as though you were trying to relieve a bout of heartburn. “And I just…I could feel that something was wrong and you know my first thought was you, tha-that something happened and we never got a chance to fix us.”

“But then Sugar lets out this heart-wrenching sob, like this bone-chilling cry that just like freezes your blood and I’m sitting there listening to her cry and then I’m crying and I don’t even know why yet. And it feels like…like we’ve been on the phone for hours just crying with each other before Pete calms her down enough,” the shakiness not only evident in your voice but your hand that was still resting on the table by your hip. “And it's silent for a moment but I know, the moment the first syllable passes her lips it's like I lose all of my senses and I’m just sitting up in bed, numb to what she’s saying. And it can’t be real, you know because Mikey just called me only a couple of hours ago.”

“As soon as I’m off the phone with Nat I immediately call Richie, and the first thing he says to me is ‘Baby I’m sorry’ he apologizes to me like his best friend that he probably spent his whole day with didn’t just blow his brains out.” The lump in your throat was begging to be free, something you wouldn’t allow to happen. “And Richie is sitting there fucking consoling me because I’m too goddamn selfish to take one fucking breath and make sure he is okay.”

You finally meet Carmy’s eyes again, waterline wet with the tears you won’t allow to fall. “I guess I say all of this to say I owe this article to Mikey, maybe if I had just picked up the fucking phone he’d still be here with us.”

Carmy has no idea how to respond to anything you’d just told him at a loss for words as he allows your emotions to sink into him. He gently reaches his hand out, not knowing if a comforting touch would help, but wanting to do his best to let you know he was there with you. The two of you sat in each other’s presence, the weight of your confession weighing heavy in the room. Carmy knows nothing he says will change anything, it won’t bring Mikey back and it won’t lessen your grief, so for a while, he doesn’t, the two of you sit there connected by your hands.

“Uh, I’m not sure how much Sug told you, but there are these Al-Anon meetings for uh family members of addicts and I’ve been going for a while now,” he gave your hand a small squeeze to make sure you were still listening. “It helps to understand what Mikey was going through.”

You looked down at the man below you, a blank look on your face. You gave him a soft smile as your thumb caressed his knuckles, “Yeah I uh I’ll look into it.” You had wanted to laugh, the irony of the situation not lost on you but you appreciated the help Carmy was trying to offer.

The approaching footsteps easily forced you back to your side of the table, quickly occupying yourself to look busy so you wouldn’t have to explain why you were alone with Carmy. You listened quietly as he and Syd began conversing about something that was none of your business.

“I’m just gonna hang around here before I’ve gotta be at work if that’s cool with you guys?” You looked at the two chefs more so telling rather than asking but still wanting to be polite.

Syd nodded “The more hands the better I guess.” You sent a small smile in her direction before heading to the door hoping to make yourself useful and occupy your mind from the guilty thoughts.

Avoiding Carmy’s eyes as you not going unnoticed by him, though neither of you expected the conversation to take the turn it did. He was relieved that you still felt comfortable enough with him to have a conversation of that nature.

Sydney was doing her best to focus on the chaos menu with Carmy. But with it being the first time in a space so personal to him, she couldn’t help but take in the small details around his apartment that gave a look into who he was.

It was surprising to her really, the whole apartment was bare, lackluster of any interpersonal items besides Carmy’s belongings that one would expect to see. Syd tried not to come across as nosy, or too interested in the small things her eyes did catch onto, but it was hard.

Like the group picture stuck to his fridge with a random cheap banana magnet that no one ever knew they had but it just appeared in their kitchen one day. Or the aesthetic-looking knife set that Syd would equate to something a suburban mom might have in her kitchen and not the gritty anxiety-riddled chef she was cooking with.

What really prickled her curiosity though, was a picture of the two of you strategically placed above the stove. Syd was awarded a glance as Carmy removed his closet from the oven, she couldn’t tell how recent it was from the few seconds she saw it, but it did make her question what Carmy’s idea of an ‘old acquaintance’ was.

It was probably her third pass by the stove before she was finally able to take in a clear understanding of the Polaroid. She would admit she was surprised, the content of the picture far from anything she would ever equate to Carmen Berzatto.

It was of you and Carmy. The two of you were lying next to each other, whether on a bed or the floor, Sydney couldn’t tell. One of your arms was raised, presumably holding the camera in your hand. Even though the moment was captured in time, Syd could feel the intimacy through the photo, almost making her feel too uncomfortable to even be so intrigued by it.

Syd had seen the smile gracing Carmy’s face once or twice in real-time, something he usually kept to himself. He looked happy lying there next to you, like your being there eased him. She focused on you to find you were focusing on him, your head tilted up a little, eyes gleaming full of love.

You looked at Carmy the way Syd’s dad talked about her mom. Like your entire life was destined to be entangled with Carmy’s.

As Sydney focused on the picture once more, she finally noticed the number written on the white space of the Polaroid. Her only assumption that it must’ve been yours.

Her curiosity had finally gotten the best of her. From the way you two interacted, to the Polaroid she was sure she had taken in every detail of , there was history between you and Carmy.

“Hey uh, can I ask you a question?” She moved to sit at the table where Carmy was prepping pasta. She wasn’t sure whether she should beat around the bush or just outright ask her question.

Carmy raised his head, eyes catching hers before giving a slight nod, Syd took a deep breath. She would consider her and Carmy friends, but she didn’t want him to think she was crossing some line. “Uh what’s the deal between you two,” she said your name for clarification, not yet sure if she was allowed to call you by the nickname so many others did, and not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

Carmy froze for a minute, but his recovery was so quick if Syd wasn’t paying attention she wouldn’t have caught it. “It’s just uh, you called her an acquaintance, but I don’t think anybody gets those vibes from you two,” she trailed off not wanting to make Carmy feel pressured.

“I mean you have a shrine to her above your stove.” Carmy’s head snapped up to Syd before looking at the picture above his stove, Syd’s soft laugh signifying her quip as a joke.

“Fuck off,” he chuckled along with her, the weight on his shoulder at the idea of talking about you lessening a bit. “She uh, we were best friends growing up, she lived across the street from us.”

Syd nodded her head waiting for any more details, she wasn’t normally one to pry but Carmy’s explanation sounded like such bullshit compared to the way you two acted around each other. “So you guys like never dated or anything?” Syd’s curiosity caused the question to come across as less casual than she hoped.

“No, no. Just friends,” Carmy nodded eyes still on the pasta doing his best to distract his mind from Sydney’s line of questioning.

“Did you ever like, I dunno want more with her?” Carmy stopped eyes finally meeting Syd’s, he stood there for a moment just taking in her question. Although you once admitted your desire for something more with him, he still hadn’t. And he wasn’t sure if now in his kitchen with Sydney was the right time or place to do it.

But Syd didn’t need him to verbally answer, the look in his eyes told her more than what she had even asked. The two of them were only speaking about you and the longing in Carmy’s soft blue eyes was enough for Sydney to feel like she interrupted a sudden declaration of love.

Sydney cleared her throat, averting her eyes not at all meaning to get into anything too personal. Just a bit curious about the nature of the relationship between you two. “So any ideas on how to make this chaos menu…thoughtful?”

Carmy was grateful for Syd’s diversion of topics. If she had picked up on the tension between the two of you, he was sure the rest of the crew had. And if that meant everyone was privy to the unfinished history between the two of you then neither of you were as sly as you thought.

You lost Hayden somewhere between first entering the store and him wandering off for his necessities. You didn’t mind though, he was nice enough to offer you a ride home and stop by the store as the two of you brainstormed about your respective dinners for the night.

Wandering around on your own in a store you had never been to probably wasn’t the smartest decision you made. Case in point is the fact that you were standing in the alcoholic beverage section trying to fight the urge to peruse through the variety and pick your favorite form of poison.

The sound of your name caught your attention, eyes shooting to Hayden’s impeccably dressed form. You’d be the first to admit maturity had done him good, the sleeves of his button-up shirt rolled up to show off his toned forearms. The top three buttons were undone, his chest giving a preview of what he had to offer.

His lips wrapped around your name again, a slight frown to his brows. He looked around the aisle before his eyes landed back on you with a small smile decorating his lips, “You okay?” You watched as he checked you over, the action irritated you a bit. Was he expecting you to go batshit crazy in the middle of the grocery store and just start hammering away at the countless bottles?

“Fine, just got distracted. I um, I just need some açaí and I’ll be good.” You gave him your best smile hoping it would reassure him, the one he returned ensured just that.

The two of you made your way to the frozen food section, meaningless small talk passing between the two of you.

“I can’t believe you still eat this shit,” you scoffed, quickly grabbing the bag of frozen açaí from the freezer. Closing the door as you made your way back to Hayden the two of you ready to make your leave.

“If I recall, you had no problem eating this in my dorm all those years ago,” the boisterous laugh that escaped Hayden caused a similar one to leave you, neither of you having brought up this topic of conversation since reuniting.

“Had to replenish all that lost stamina somehow,” your eyes widened slightly Hayden’s smirk did nothing to quell the heated feeling spreading through you.

He walked past you, grabbing your hand so you would follow behind him. “What’s got you quiet all of a sudden?” You knew he was teasing you, the tone in his voice bringing a chuckle out of you.

“Just wasn’t sure how well you remembered our college shenanigans.” The shrug of your shoulders was supposed to feign nonchalance, but the wide grin on your face proved the opposite.

The two of you had lost any rush to leave the grocery store, casually walking around hands entwined together. “To forget a girl like you would be criminal,” you faced Hayden nose scrunching up at his words a laugh bubbling out of your lips.

“Didn’t you get married?” Hayden laughed, throwing his arm around your shoulder as the two of you continued around the store aimlessly just enjoying the company of an old friend.

“You didn’t want me the way I wanted you. Had to move on at some point.” The melancholy tone in his voice caused a feeling of guilt to shoot through your heart. You nodded a sad smile gracing your lips, the squeeze on your shoulder helping to alleviate your remorse.

“Listen, Hayden, I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything,” you sighed as you moved to stand in front of him. “It just wasn’t fair of me to commit to a long-term relationship with you when my heart wasn’t in it.” He nodded a smile sent in your direction.

“No, I uh I appreciate it, wouldn’t have married Marlene if you didn’t set me straight,” you smiled happy there was a bright side to this whole situation. “Probably wouldn’t have divorced her either. Hey, should I send you my lawyer fees or.” Hayden trailed off, grin returning to his face as you laughed swatting at his bicep.

All he saw in his head was you. As dramatic as it sounds it felt like the thought of you was keeping him alive, from the way you had all but disappeared when they opened Mikey’s locker. To the photo above his stove that was seared into his brain. So preoccupied with thoughts of you he had missed the aisle he intended to go down three times.

Finding his destination Carmy made his way down the aisle, stopping as he saw you laughing with a man he didn’t recognize. His mind going back to the conversation he had earlier with Sydney, Carmy did want more with you. He wanted a lot more than what the two of you allowed to transpire all these years.

Carmy wanted a life with you, a life where he was the one making you laugh in the grocery store. Where his apartment wasn’t just filled with a, year old photograph of the two of you, but filled with your presence.

He envisioned a life with you, and he wasn’t sure why he had sabotaged every chance you had given him to make that a reality. Carmy continued his journey through the store, thoughts of you played heavily on his mind. It didn’t matter what he wanted though if he never gained the courage to tell you. There was a lot unsaid between the two of you, but you had made your feelings clear. Tried to reconcile whatever relationship the two of you still had left. And the ball was in his court, had been since your impromptu visit last year.

Even when reunited with the girl he had crushed on once upon a time, you were still at the forefront of his mind. The woman in front of him is a cruel reminder of all the ways he messed up with you.

Carmy’s thoughts ran so wild with you as he entertained Claire’s conversation, that he didn’t think twice before giving her a number that had been left on a Polaroid a year ago and now decorated the space above his stove; but not the contact book in his phone.

a/n: it’s here!!! i think this chapter is pretty tame which is kind of out of character lol. thankful to be done with this chapter so i can explore some ideas i’ve been having! thank you all so much for your love and support! please support me in whatever way feels comfortable!!! 💜

tag list: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs @gabbycoady13 @randomhoex @mattmurdocksstarlight @shinebright2000 @royalestrellas @khena @kailyn-g05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

[trashcanfills]

May I please have something with Cassidy and Hanzo where they’re introduced to reader on a mission and reader can’t help but say “woah, you’re hella pretty”

OwO yes this is a very good ask anon I like you. Also Im still dhjdjejss over the name change for the cowboy because of ALL FUCKING NAMES YOU PICK STH THAT SOUNDS THE LEAST COWBOY??? At least make him mcsomething bruh.

Then again if I was called Cole Cassidy and I wanted to be a cowboy I would def call myself Jesse Mcdonalds because it aint cOWBOY ENOUGH.

Now to actually answer the ask

Compliments in First Meeting

Cole Cassidy

“Well, I sure ain’t as pretty as you, sweet thing.” ;)

As soon as you finish saying that phrase, this man will not miss a beat in returning the favor.

Like cmon, Cole Cassidy has a talent with his words. He is def gon be that one smooth motherfucker with dem pickup linea yall.

He does like genuine compliments but won’t be too flustered by them in general unless it’s about something unexpected on himself or beautifully worded. I say this because Cole is a rather attractive looking person himself with a good variety of skillsets, so people HAVE come on to him a lot. As such, he is really experienced with the sweet talk.

That said, after the mission, do be prepared for the cowman to start some harmless flirting with you. Now that he knows you consider him cute in some way, he’s going to try and fluster you in some manner for his own entertainment.

Depending on your response, Cole would either keep on teasing you, or stop if you indicate some form of discomfort. Just be careful not to get a crush on him based solely on these interactions. Lord knows how many people he has to let down because of his charms.

Shimada Hanzo

Scoffs. Rolls his eyes for good measure and tells you to concentrate on the mission.

But if you are observant enough, you miiight notice that his ears are a bit red after that. Hehe xp

Shimada Hanzo, like Cole Cassidy, is one fucking fine specimen of a man. The only difference is how approachable they are. While Cole usually looks very friendly and chill, Hanzo looks incredibly intimidating and judgemental af.

As such, the amount of people who would genuinely compliment Hanzo is almost little to none, because the ones who think he’s hot would be too scared to say that to his resting bitch face, and those who do compliment on his appearance usually are just sucking up to him in some manner.

Hanzo is aware of his good looks. For sure. He was once the heir of the prestigious Shimada clan for god’s sake. With looks, money, status, and competence, this guy was prob like one of the most unattainable bachelors in his youth back when he was still in the clan. I can imagine him getting tons of letters from secret admirers writing literal poetry about his appearance, to which he then dumped into the trash because he didn’t care about crushes then.

So if you actually said that Hanzo’s pretty to his face, he’s gon brush it off at first as someone trying to butter him up, a bit flustered because rarely anyone nowadays actually says it blunt to his face (since he aint heir to the clan anymore and is just a mercenary/overwatch agent). Later on though when he realises you were being genuine and is just. Oh.

Hilariously Hanzo is gonna do the opposite of Cole and actually avoid you for a while lmao. He is absolutely not used to ppl being nice, genuine or kind to him in that sense. He’s also like ??? are u gon start hitting on him??? Because he’s pretty??? Yea poor guy has bad ppl skills pls be patient.

Its alright haha over time if you dont make a big deal abt it or u seem chill and hang out with him more Hanzo would prob be ok with you.

There will be times where Hanzo happens to recall that first meeting moment and he will just be flushing a bit in mixed embarrassment/appreciation/self-loathe before moving on. He’s really not used to direct compliments that is not abt his skills.

I know there are older asks I should have answered lmao but this one somehow was able to get my creative juices on the go so lucky u anon