#if u want to blame someone for these terrible words I’ve made u read pls blame @actual-changeling for persuading me to watch this show

[sentientsky]

lady cassandra o’brien really truly is nikola orsinov’s wildest fucking dream

[awsuntanz]

a ramble about helium chapter 4 (and dakota’s wonderful characterization)

its 4am, forgive me for any mistakes. i’ve never written anything like this before, aha.

All of these quotes are from Chapter 4 of @heytherestilinski‘s fic Helium!

The way Dakota (the author) fleshes out conflict and allows their painfully realistic characterization to shine is so...perfect. I find myself heavily relating to Dream, George, and even Sapnap at times. 

Here are some lines that I didn’t think would stick out to me (but did):

After a quiet moment, to his soaring heart’s approval, George speaks up again.

This entire kitchen scene portrays that feeling of having a conversation with someone who matters to you. Whether it would classify as something important to someone else or not is irrelevant- to you, in that moment, it feels like you’re holding the world. It’s soft, and tender. You don’t want it to fall flat. You don’t want to let it go. (This scene may or may not have encouraged me to say goodnight to a special someone I was thinking of while reading this).

Sapnap dumps the responsibility of the cart back onto Dream. As he walks past him, he says, “You suck at flirting.”

I really enjoyed the stupid banter between Dream and Sapnap at the grocery store. It not only served as some nice comic relief that kept our guard down before the conflict at the end of the chapter, but it’s also something us readers would definitely hear from (and say to) our friends in real life. Good comic relief is something that eases us in naturally and allows us to immerse ourselves and enjoy the moment while maintaining that element of surprise that keeps us interested :)

He turns away from Dream. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Dream may be less controlled in his emotions and impulses, but he is very open in sharing them. George has more of a filter on everything. Controlled. Not wanting to push Dream (or maybe even himself) off the edge.

“You wanted to this morning,” he says, low.

“Yeah, because we were in your house, not the middle of the grocery store.”  

Rejection. Denial. George’s response holds some truth to it, but comes off as a haphazard excuse at the same time. He doesn’t appreciate the way Dream pushes for that direct confrontation and frankness when it comes to approaching their situation (and honestly? Neither would I). 

George halts to face him again, with a half-whisper, “Not exactly the best place to ambush me, Dream.” 

I like the use of the word ambush here because of the strong negative connotation it implies. It’s as if he’s saying that Dream sought out to make him uncomfortable. As if this was pre-planned and intentional, and not another one one of his silly impulses.

Dream stares at him wildly. “I didn’t ambush you. You brought up your expectations, not me.” His voice grows tight. “Are you seriously still going to act like this?”

We’ve had enough of “Dream, why? Dream, no! Dream, quit being an idiot!” from the readers. This time, he takes that blame and tosses it over to George instead. Conflict grows stronger.

“Like I’m—I’m this stumbling idiot who forces you into every bad situation,” he says. “It’s exhausting, and doesn't make me feel good about myself, and—” He runs a trembling hand through his hair. “It’d be nice if you took some responsibility, for once. That’s all.”

God, I’m so guilty of how George does this to Dream. Taking responsibility isn’t very fun when you feel like the other person is constantly making irrational, immature, and as we’ve established earlier, overall impulsive decisions when it comes to what they say and do. We assume that the other person should be able to understand us- We’ve put up with them for all this time, haven’t we?

Realizing that having a mentality like this is toxic and draining to the other person as well is... difficult. It’s difficult to remember that they’re trying, and that they genuinely care about you too. The very same things that make them irritating are what make them a loving and caring person as well. It takes growth from the both of you to learn and understand each other. And growth takes time.

It’s 4AM at the time I’m writing this, and I’m far too tired to quote the entire phone scene, so I’m going to assume you’ve read it. 

A few lines from George:

“Can...can you stay on, for a bit? Can we just talk?”

“Please, Dream.”

“I just want to hear your voice.”

A few lines from Dream:

“George.”

“Stop,” he warned. “Stop that.”

“Don’t say that.”  //  “What is wrong with you?”

“Fuck, George. Why are you doing this to me?”

The reason Dream brings this up is because it highlights a moment where their general character roles in the fic are switched. In this scenario, it highlights a moment of hypocrisy. George is desperate, and vulnerable. The phone call dialogue showcases him doing something that he knows he shouldn’t be doing. “Can we not talk about this? Can we pretend this phone call didn’t happen?”

Now, plenty of ugly nights and long weeks later, he steps closer to George in the grocery aisle as an unconcerned passerby skirts around their cart and conflict.  

I’m not sure why I like this line. It feels like a gentle reminder that in the grand scheme of things, your conflict is small. Insignificant to the rest of the world, mattering to you two and only you two. Makes everything a bit more personal, I guess.

He looms over him, wishing he could melt the bristling anger from his brown eyes, and wishing he had it in himself to be angry, too.

I relate to both sides of this. That gut-wrenching feeling of not being able to find your own anger at someone who is angry at you. The feeling of knowing that your anger is frustrating and hurting someone else, too. Either way, it feels absolutely terrible.

“You called me,” Dream recounts, even though he can tell George remembers it as vividly as he. “You talked to me.” He lets out a short, frustrated breath. “Then you got mad at me the next morning, and iced me out.”

Doing the same thing that you hated the other person for doing, and taking it out on them afterwards. Yeah.

(dakota. dream. can you pls stop calling me out through george i would really really really appreciate it thank u) /hj /lh 

“Because you let it happen,” George says, but he looks more vulnerable than before.

blame game here we go againnnnn

Dream stares down at him. “So it’s all on my shoulders,” he reiterates flatly. “It’s all my responsibility, now?” 

“Yes,” George spits, his sharpness startling them both. He meets Dream's gaze, unwavering, and recollects himself with a deep breath.

 “Yes. Because you made it your responsibility, when you sent me that text.”

George was ready to throw that blame right back into Dream’s face. When I saw that whole scene in Heat Waves, I realized how much I related to George in that particular situation. I knew it would come back, somehow. George wouldn’t be able to let something as huge as that, something that shifted the entire course of their relationship...slide so easily. Even with Dream’s eventual promise to work on himself. The whole time, I was thinking, “He’s too nice. He’s too patient,” and, “I wouldn’t be that nice. I wouldn’t be that patient. Not on the inside, at least.”

And you didn’t fail me. That final jab, although relatable- It hurt.

Now that the screens are off, the distance is gone, and the barriers are thinner than ever before, George’s flaws are becoming more transparent. We start to see other parts of his character that had only been foreshadowed in your previous work. I had no idea how Helium would unfold at the beginning, but I’m now very sure that you did not disappoint.

Seeing how you’ve evolved as a writer in both more subtle and more noticeable ways has been awesome :) I’m excited for the next chapter.

[sunflowerhae]

Lifeboat

N.J (2k)

A/N• this is purely indulgent. It also has quite heavy themes, but at this point are any of us surprised. I want to make something clear, the reader doesn’t do what she does bc of what happens with her and Jaemin (I’m trying not to spoil). I mean, that’s just a tip of the iceberg type situation. That being said, if you are having similar thoughts as our dear reader, please call your countries suicide hotline, and/or talk to someone you trust in your life. ALSO, I am not trying to romanticize any of the topics I wrote about, I’m trying to show that even the people that seem to have it all can be just as lost and broken as the rest of us, also that the most important thing you could be to a person is someone who asks them if they’re okay. Sometimes, that’s all a person needs - Someone to listen.

READ!⚠️angst, suicide,character death, drugs, heavy self-hating words, depiction of depression/mental illness, not specified, but insinuates⚠️

{🎵SOTS☁️; Lifeboat, Elle McLemore}

The world seemed to close in on you as you stared at the boy who stood before you with a hardened gaze in his eyes. While you only stood a good 3 feet away from him, you could feel the anger and helplessness radiating off of him, transferring itself onto you in sadness and heartbreak.

“Why?” Was the only thing you could manage to get past your lips.

“Y/n, it’s not that I don’t like you, of course I do. We’ve been dating for 2 years, but I’ve just been... uncomfortable almost the whole time. It’s not your fault, it’s just, your life. I can’t handle being with one of the most popular girls in school. You seem to have it all figured out, and everyone loves you, and I feel pushed to the side sometimes.” You didn’t understand why Jaemin was mad, but the small space under the bleachers where you both stood was enough to suffocate you to the point where you didn’t care to ask.

He didn’t understand.

They never understood.

No one.

You wanted to fight to save your relationship, but the words choked into the back of your throat, just like they did when Soojin would bully people in front of you, and you wanted to scream at her and pull the other person into your arms and whisper that it will all be okay and apologize apologize apologize, but you stayed rigid on her flank, silently trying to survive until you could get to Jaemins arms, or to the bottom of a beer bottle at yet another house party you were constantly forced to attend with your other two friends.

You choose to swallow your spit, and ask him, “is this because of soojin? Did she say something to you?” You knew your “dear” friend had a certain distaste for your long term boyfriend, because - as she had worded it - his kind doesn’t belong next to someone that Soojin had deemed acceptable enough to befriend (you); “His kind” being not necessarily the most popular. Him and his other friends were amazing people, and you wished you would have befriended them on the first day of freshman year, instead of the blonde girl in your Art 1 class that always had a red scrunchie. When Jaemin introduced you to them, you could tell they were hesitate to let you into their life - what with your position within your schools hierarchy system. You honestly didn’t blame them. However, after a while they warmed up to you, and you felt like you finally fit in with people. You thought these people would become your life long friends; long after you’ve left high school and forgotten all about the life you unwillingly lead.

You suppose that is no longer the case.

“No, yes, god I don’t know, y/n. It’s just, everything! You have friends that are bitches, and I never know when you’re just going to leave me and spread some terrible rumor about me!” He was silently yelling now. It was after school, and the football team was on the field - the other side of where you stood - practicing. There were people running on the track, cheerleaders practicing next to the field, leftover students wondering the grounds. Everyone was living, moving on with their lives and turning along with the Earth - why did you feel frozen? Why did you feel like nothing was ever going to keep moving and be okay and the world was never going to be beautiful again?

“Is that what you expect me to do, Jaemin? After two years of knowing me, is that what you think of me?”

“God, y/n, maybe! I see who you align yourself with so I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a bitch just like them!” You understood he was just hurting, like you, but that didn’t make the words hurt any less. You took a couple steps back from his figure with slow nods, before turning around fully and booking your way to your car.

Jaemin watched your retreating figure with tears curling into his eyes. He left not long after you did, still thinking about you on the way home. He didn’t know this at the time, but that was the last time he ever saw you. His first love, his first heartache.

You felt guilty.

You always did. You always had this insistent chewing at your intestines; this constant voice in your head telling you that everyone was better than you, and that you didn’t deserve the praise you got for being a good person.

You tried to fight the words and the icky feelings off with trips to the volunteer center - usually with Jaemin. You went that night, hoping that this constant pain in your heart after hearing jaemins smooth, venom-filled words would choke back and leave your system, like the terrible feelings usually did when you helped people. However, no matter how many people smiled at you, and no matter how many lives you got to help, the feeling only grew more and more.

You are worthless, y/n.

You only do charity work for your own need.

No one likes you.

You’ll never be loved.

Not even Jaemin loves you.

These ill thoughts were a normal occurrence for you. Usually, Jaemin would lay you down, rub your stomach, and whisper in your ear how beautiful you were to him, inside and out.

You were a nuisance and a waste to him, y/n.

The feelings never left, and you could tell people knew something was wrong with you, so you chose to leave the center early. On your way out, a familiar face had asked you where Jaemin was. You pretended you didn’t hear them.

Your room was dark. Usually, if you couldn’t have Jaemin, you would go to your parents. However, they were away at a dinner event for your mother’s work. You would never go to Soojin, and while you loved Haeyong, she had a tendency to tell Soojin about what you two privately talked about; always trying to get brownie points with the blonde girl who seemed to secretly hate her. You figured there was someone you could go to, and it didn’t hurt to try.

Y/n [10:57pm] u up???? I kinda need someone to talk to rn hAha. Read

Y/n [10:59pm] hello? 👉👈 Read

Y/n [11:02pm] Haechan why r you leaving me on read bro?? Ik he’s your best friend, but we don’t have to talk about him, I just need someone to talk to pLS pls. Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:02PM

Haechan [11:03pm] listen y/n we shouldn’t talk anymore, I’m sorry. You were a good friend, but Jaemin was and always will be first to me. And he’s right, we never know when you’re going to do a 180 on us and tell all of our secrets to everyone. We can’t - and never have been able to - trust you. I’m sorry, really. You’re a popular girl. You don’t need us, you’ll forget. When we became friends with you, we didn’t really want to, Jaemin kinda forced us to, I hope u understand. :/ we’ll forget about u, u forget about us. Deal? Read

Y/n [11:04pm] um ok. Sorry for bothering you all, have a good night Read

Y/n [11:03pm] when will u be home?Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:04PM

Mom [11:06pm] not for a while, ask Jaemin to come over if you’re scared of being alone. Read

Y/n [11:06pm] mom i hate to be annoying but can u and dad come home rn??? I need u Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:06PM

Mom [11:08pm] are you dying? Has someone broken in? Are you unsafe?Read

Y/n [11:08pm] um,,,,no Read

Mom [11:10pm] well then no y/n. You know how much this award means to me, I’ve been constantly working lately and finally might get recognized for it. If I leave now, I might not get it. Can whatever you need wait? Read

Y/n [11:11pm] Um yeah. I love u Read

Mom [11:12pm] u too💖 Read

Why were you never first?

Why was there no one who asked you if you were okay?

If there was, what would you say?

See y/n? No one likes you.

You’re a bother to them.

Maybe you should fix that.

Maybe if you made their lives easier, they would love you.

You didn’t deserve their love, but maybe?

Maybe the pills could love you.

They were always there for you.

Maybe, they could help others love you too.

Love love love love.

Maybe.

Maybe.

They say your parents found you in bed.

They thought you were sleeping. I mean, all your lights were off, it was late.

But in the morning, when your mother came to wake you up and saw that your eyes were wide open, well....

They found the note on your desk across the room.

It was dated a year before.

You had written it a year before.

Everyone admitted that it was such a beautiful note. Heartbreaking? Yes. gut-wrenching? Of course. But beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

They gathered everyone into the gym the next day in intervals. Freshman, who didn’t understand what was really happening, but had heard your name and definitely knew who you were, and could put two and two together.

Next, the sophomores. Like the freshman, they only had heard of you. Some had met you, some cried. You were kind, they knew.

After them, the juniors. Chenle and Jisung were sitting in the corner. Jisung was sobbing into Chenle’s lap, while silent tears fell down the olders’ face. You had always been willing to play video games with them, and were such a kind hearted person. They remember last night, when they were all sitting together and haechan had read your texts you sent out loud, and all of them were so busy feeling for Jaemin, that they blindly informed Haechan on what he should say. On how to break your heart. Chenle wished Haechan had called her.

Finally, the seniors. Soojin and Haeyong sat in the back, as always. They were both upset because you had not been answering their texts.

Renjun, Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin were sitting on the other side. They had not been told what the assembly was about, but when the teacher got the call about it, halfway through math, she sat at her desk for a couple of seconds with her head in her hands. They knew whatever the assembly was about was not good.

Haechan was the first to react out of the four.

He whispered your name silently with wide eyes rounded on his face. His mind went to the first time you met him. You played him in a round of Overwatch to get him to warm up to you, and easily beat him. Besides Jaemin, he was probably the one you were closest to.

Jeno just kept looking at his lap with evident tears denting dark spots onto his jeans. Renjun, who was sitting next to Jaemin, couldn’t take his eyes off the boy to his right, terrified that he would faint.

Jaemin felt sick. He knew he looked pale, and his head felt a bit dizzy. He tasted metallic in his mouth, and finally registered that he was biting the inside of his cheek so hard, he was drawing blood. He wanted to leave, but he was too far up on the risers to get down.

Soojin cried. It was uncharacteristic of her, but at this point she didn’t care. How had she not seen it? Was she that self centered that she had really not seen it on you? Her best friend?

Haeyong wished you had called her, wished you had told her. But why would you? She knew she didn’t deserve to hear your heartache, but she still wished.

They read out your note. Your beautiful, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching note. They read it. And the student body listened.

I float in a boat

In a raging black ocean

Low in the water

And no where to go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Cold,

Clammy and crowded

The people smell desperate

We’ll sink any minute

So someone must go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Everyone’s pushing

Everyone’s fighting

Storms are approaching, there’s no where to hide

If I say the wrong thing

Or I wear the wrong outfit

They’ll throw me right over the side

I’m hugging my knees

And the captain is pointing

Well who made her captain?

Still, the weakest must go

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

Lemme know if you’d like a part two? Idk. Like I said this is purely indulgent so it’s not that good sorry :///

[bartsugsy]

i'm not trying to be fun sponge but its just weird for me when people try to attribute words and feelings to a character when that's not the case. from reading some posts you'd think that was a scene where aaron was worried about robert but it wasn't. it was a scene where he was justifiably annoyed about robert basically ruining people's livelihoods and scheming when they'd just had an argument two days ago where he'd asked robert to stop said scheming

fair play anon, this legit made me go back and rewatch the scene lmao

OK U KNOW WHAT,

ETA OK I STARTED OFF THIS POST DISAGREEING WITH YOU AND THEN I KEPT WRITING WITH IT AND FRANKLY U HAVE CONVINCED ME, SO I AGREE WITH YOU, TY ANON, UR THE REAL ONE

LET’S KEEP THE REST OF THE POST IN HERE ANYWAY BC OOH META 

LET’S DO THIS, I’LL GIVE U MY EXTENDED THOUGHTS ON THE SCENE and if we still don’t agree by the end, that’s cool, but i rewatched and i still feel the same way about it (and i kind of love the scene even more honestly, it was great, there’s lots to it that one can meta and those are my favourite kinds of scenes) ETA I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT IT, I WAS WRONG

so we start the (robron part of the) scene out by aaron just

the second robert walks into the house, dramatically throwing away surrogacy forms lmao

robert obviously immediately spots him and is like why are you throwing all of the surrogacy stuff away? and he sounds sad and concerned

aaron, having thrown that shit in the bin, responds with a still dramatic because what’s the point? we could never afford it and now we never will be able to

rob admits that he messed up, but says it isn’t over and that he can still make it happen. he says he can find another way

aaron is meanwhile legit rolling his eyes and generally looking tired. he answers with another scam?

and rob is obviously like yes if that’s what it takes, yeah. 

AND THEN

DUMBASS MISTAKE, BUT EXPLAINS SO MUCH

ROBERT IS LIKE i could see how much you wanted it, so i was willing to take a few risks. aaron, i did this for you, you have to see that

AND UH

AARON =/= NOT HAPPY

he says don’t try to blame me for this mess. i warned you it wouldn’t end well.

WHICH OK

LO INTERJECTION

AARON, AS WE REMEMBER, LOOKED A BIT LIKE HE WAS MID-BREAKDOWN WHEN HE WAS CAMPAIGNING FOR SURROGACY

BUT ROBERT LEGIT DID NOT AGREE UNTIL HE’D SPENT TIME WITH NICOLA AND JIMMY’S KIDS AND WAS LIKE hmmm ok i need 50

and so maybe robert did do it for aaron, but it wasn’t just for aaron. it was for their family and for both of them, just in a very robert-like way (i.e. the quickest but also by far riskiest way)

but also robert is trying to??? sweet talk aaron round maybe??? in a stupid ass way though, lol 

or he’s just being a dumbass, one or the other

and aaron is immediately mad at this because HE DID IN FACT TELL ROBERT NOT TO DO THE ILLEGAL THING UNTIL ROBERT SWEET TALKED HIM ROUND AND GAVE HIM VETO POWER

AND THEN AARON IS ALL LIKE

AND JIMMY’S A MATE. YOU AND NICOLA PROBABLY RUINED HIM

AND AGAIN, EXCUSE THE META, BUT PLS POINT ME TO ANY MOMENT WHERE AARON HAS EVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY MORE THAN ROBERT BEFORE. he’s just mad and spewing shit at robert, literally. he’s just accusing robert of being a terrible person and a bad friend bc that’s all aaron has got here and he’s MAD

rob is like i never meant for that to happen and aaron is like *pew pew parting shot* yes well u never do, do you robert. so long as you win that’s all that matters *pew pew anOTHER PARTING SHOT* and yeah u know what i did want a kid. i did. but not like this. it’s too big a price to pay. and no, i’m not talking about the money. *fucki MIC DROP bye*

and then rob looks guilty as hell and the scene ends.

SO ANYWAY MORE META HELLO

AARON IS LEGIT JUST SAYING SHIT AT ROBERT. HE’S JUST FIRING OFF SHIT AND SEEING WHAT WILL STICK. LIKE, AARON HAS NEVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY’S FEELINGS BEFORE, SO IT’S SENSIBLE TO INFER THAT IT’S PROBABLY NOT ABOUT THAT

BUT THEN WE GET TO THE END OF THE SCENE AND AARON SAYS THAT HE DOESN’T WANT A KID “LIKE THIS” BECAUSE “IT’S TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY”

AND HONESTLY LIKE

LOL OK I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ENTIRELY AND I FEEL LIKE I’VE HAD A REVELATION BUT THE REVELATION IS IN FACT JUST AGREEING WITH YOUR ASK slfkkldo classic lo, what a donut

OK MIGHT AS WELL FINISH THIS

OK SO THE QUESTION BECOMES WHAT IS THE ‘IT’ THAT IS TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY

not to be dramatiq, but honestly from what aaron’s saying, the ‘it’ is robert’s fuckin soul lmao. it’s robert not ruining people’s lives, as u say, and not being terrible. aaron doesn’t want this experience of them having a child together to also be tainted by robert... uh.... not being.... great.... (touchy subject, moving on, might explain why he’s particularly mad/suddenly v reluctant to procreate with his husband though) (what if they spoke about it) (would anyone else be highkey down for that, or just me?)

ANYWAY, aaron’s mad because robert fucked up people’s lives and got caught. he was, it should be noted, a lot less bothered about fucking up graham’s life, even in this scene. i think there’s still just... some anger at robert getting caught and being in a shitty situation in general. he specifically says it’s not about the money. he’s not actually mad about the money. it’s about robert getting them into this situation, about people they (and robert specifically) supposedly care about getting caught in the crossfire, particularly after robert fucked over vic to get to billy literally just a few days back (as u said) 

and aaron at the moment, bc he’s dramatic and kind of insane, but also probably bc he knows his husband, can’t see a way out of this that doesn’t involve robert potentially sinking further down that rabbit hole of ‘bad’, which aaron absolutely doesn’t want - he’s ok with robert doing shitty stuff up until a point (providing he’s careful) and we know this, but he actively doesn’t want robert.... i guess, throwing people he supposedly cares about under the bus for his own gains again? because that’s understandably like a step back for rob, in the soul and morality department

even though frankly, we all know robert would throw every single person under the bus for aaron at any given opportunity and that will never change

it’s probs for the best that aaron is someone who is going to call rob out on that shit and try to stop him from fucking up his life, though. aaron cares about robert’s terrible little soul. 

SO ANYWAY, AARON IS CONCERNED AND LASHING OUT AT ROBERT BC OF IT AND THIS SCENE GOT MORE PERFECT WITH MORE REWATCHES AND EXTRA META AND NOW I LOVE IT AND IM SORRY THIS POST IS LONG AND EXTRA AND ALSO IM SORRY FOR CONTRADICTING YOU EARLIER, WHEN I’M NOW P SURE YOU’RE CORRECT this has been a real journey for me 

[fmdxjerome]

Heyhey, I’m the memer behind the suave fuckboi Jérôme. The name’s Naomi and if u like rap or just khiphop in general pls hit me up lets talk about my cHILDREN or my actual dad Simon Dominic. Also. Plot page is almost done [check back tomorrow or the day after GMT+1 time] but I’m always open to plot just on the fly, u feel. I’m very excited to finally rp this kid, ugh he’s so beautiful. I don’t even fuck with Got7 that much but Jaebum just works greatly and he’s my small son even though he could break me with his bicep but whatevs.

Ugh, I’m so excited to be here! (/ ‘з’)/

Under the cut you’ll get a “brief” look of his backstory (if you haven’t got the time to read my novel lmao. I do highly recommend it though for more details and such because I suck at summaries) plus some random facts cuz idk yooo

Also his name is technically Jérôme but I’m lazy af so I just write Jerome lol you can just write Jerome too lolol

Trigger Warning: Racism, Yellow Fever type ish, Bad Adoption and Violence kinda? (this shit heavy son :( )

First I want to clarify I’m Biracial (black/white) and I’ve suffered from some gross racist shit in the past but in no way am I trying to speak over Korean struggles regarding the topic. I tried to apply my own experiences to Jerome’s life like struggling with rejecting culture, European beauty standards, internalized colourism and just growing up not being able to talk to people going through the same stuff. My life hasn’t been as crazy as Jerome’s thank god but I just wanted to clarify before you dive into this or his biography. Wow, heavy. I’m sorry lol. Anyway, please enjoy my tiny son and I hope we’ll rp soon!

Mom got persuaded by her family to put him on adoption because she wasn’t married and dead beat dad just left her when it was discovered she was with child. He got adopted at the age of two by a Franco/Anglo couple who reside in France.

Adoptive parents have a bad case of the yellow fever.

Raised in France multilingual (French, English) Also Korean but when he got older he got really reluctant to it. Only when he met Marie he got into it again and then he went to Korea. So he would still make mistakes. 

He was named after his adoptive grandfather Jérôme Gauthier Senior and Leslie Cheung, the singer and actor. His birth name is Jeon Jun-Hoe. (but he doesn’t know his birth name)

When growing up he was often seen as “other” by classmates in a negative racist way and by his parents in a “positive” racist way. (note; positive in this sense doesn’t mean it was good for him, it was terrible for him. What I mean with “positive racism” is instead of viewing a race in a negative light (e.g. black people are all lazy) the subject is seen in a positive light that has negative connotations (e.g. Asian people are all hardworking). Even though hard working is a good attribute, it can cause negative feelings towards the person of that certain race. Fetishizing a culture or a race is never okay and in Jerome’s story he still bares the scars of it. 

Finally didn’t feel like an other when he met his now best friend Freddy who introduced him to his own friends.

Got into Hiphop mostly because of his friend Freddy but started songwriting a year before that. (Outkast is his shit bro)

Started a hiphop trio with Freddy and another friend Khaled called Blanc.

People loved them tbh they were great.

Hiphop gave his life a purpose. An outlet if you will. He was quite the emo little shit when he was younger. (and understandably so. :( my son.)

Had a lot of fights w/ his parents.

Lived with his grandpa for awhile when he couldn’t bare to be in the same room as his parents, let alone the same house.

Eventually moved to Paris to pursue higher education.

Met the love of his life there. (Y O G A P A N T S) 

It was awkward but great.

Marie aka the love of his life went to the same school as him and they dated for a long time before she eventually cheated on him.

Before she cheated on him though she helped him accept his Korean heritage (something his parents stripped away from him due to them forcing it upon him.) 

Went to New York in the summer of 2012 and got offered a job at a major record label when the CEO heard his lyrics. 

His girlfriend cheated on him during that time and found out a few months later after he returned to France. Almost beat the shit out of the dude who she cheated on him with.

Got expelled from school because of that fight. (parents blamed the “violent” rap music) and because life felt meaningless in Paris. He grabbed his bags and moved to Seoul to work under the record label.

Asked his adoptive parents for his adoption papers in that time because he couldn’t find his birth parents without them. Parents basically refused and he just fell head first in work to forget that. He also drank a lot sometimes but only when stress got to him.

Eventually changed companies to write under BC Entertainment before they signed him to BCreate. (his honey voice was too much for KBC lmao no but really though)

Ex girlfriend made an appearance during his debut years. (*writes connection form ;)*) got like really emo and savage during that time. 

Now that he got moved to just the regular BC Entertainment he’s really nervous about the past haunting him. With more fame more eyes are on him and just one slip up could ruin his career. Having almost beaten someone up is a great first scandal. Misogynistic words to his ex is another (I mean he called her a whore tho. like boi.) and being adopted ? oh boi. my poor son. 

PLS LOVE HIM HE NEEDS LOVE HE’S SO EMO DON’T LET HIS FUCKBOY AESTHETIC FOOL YOU ITS JUST PROTECTION. HE HAS DEMONS. PLS HOLD HIM.

Random facts!

I actually got inspired to write Jerome because I was struggling between Jooheon or Namjoon and I randomly started adding on an old muse of mine. 

Is connected to another muse of mine on my indie blog lol I’m like the Disney Channel I like to crossovers.

He has two tattoo’s, one on his right hip of a French Cavalry pistol because his grandfather had one in his antique shop *nudity warning* [x] [x] the model is Julian Schratter btw love him he’s great. And one which I’m still musing about. 

Dyed his hair pink to show support for female rappers as he’s now a producer/judge on Show Me The Money 6. You would think with his fuckboy image he’d be misogynistic but no women are great and he wants more women in the hiphop scene. His princesses are Jessi and Cheetah and his queen is Yoon Mirae tbh. He gets so excited when he hears good female rappers. 

Has a Oriental Short Hair as cat. Her name is Edith or Edi named after Edith Piaf, his grandfathers favourite singer. (here is how I see her [x] its a video) She’s like his true wife. If you ever catch him with her you might be confused at how cute Jerome suddenly is.

Looks down on idol rappers a lot. Not all of them (he’d be cool with rappers like Zico, Rap Monster, etc.), but just the manufactured ones. You know the ones that couldn’t sing so they debuted as a rapper, know nothing about hip hop. Those ones. Hiphop saved him in a way and to see pretty boys disrespect the art like that just rubs him the wrong way. He’s pretty vocal about it too and yo fans of groups drag him for it lol. It’s great I love it. 

The Weeknd is his favourite artist of this time. Like he has that image he tries to emulate. 

Is actually pretty sweet though. Like Marie and his parents fucked him up and with stress consuming him he’s kinda distant but get him comfortable and he’s a really kind soul. The kind of type to have you lay on his lap whilst you rant about your problems and he just listens.

Hates when foreign fans call him “oppa” like boi he will come for you. He once almost called out a girl doing that at the airport. He eventually just “tsk’ed” her as he walked to his car lol. Jerome is my idol. I’m srry KBC He’s not an idol he has a hard time controlling himself.

Has troubles dating so he doesn’t date at all. Like he really needs to fall for you to get him to start a relationship again but lol trust issues and a fucked up view of love kinda ruins him as a partner. I mean if your muse wanna try be my guest but GOOD LUCK lol.

Never dated a guy before because he only realized he was kinda bi when he was 19 and at the time he was in a relationship. And after that ended he went to Korea. So he only ever fucked with girls.

The story behind his “bi discovery” was thanks to the land of the free *eagle screeches in the background* basically he saw a guy and he was like “wow... ? what ?? okay.. ? you’re cute in like a ‘let me hold you and give you kisses’ kinda way ?? but you’re a dude?? o ?” but he never acted upon shit obviously. (COUGH ITS A PLOT COUGH) In hindsight he wishes he did something so he could’ve been like “I CHEATED ON YOU TOO YOU BITCH” but he’s a faithful boi. 

Hates liars. Please don’t lie to him. This isn’t for his sake but for your muses sake lmao he’s awful when he finds out. He holds a grudge.

Has a real bad self image due to years of racism thrown at him. Like complimenting him is like poison to him. Compliment his work not his looks. 

Contrary to popular belief, he doesn’t really sleep around a lot. His last sexual partner was probably before his debut tbh. 

Donates to the orphanage he was from secretly because he cares a lot. If the fame ever runs out he’d probably end up working there. 

Dig hard enough on youtube and you’ll find his old youtube channel where he uploaded covers and original songs together with Khaled and Freddy. It’s really nice. He seemed happy.

Is very suffocating when he cares. Like when he really likes you he’ll REALLY like you. You feel me? (he hasn’t learned from Marie because he never asked why she cheated on him? So IF he eventually becomes close to someone again, he might find himself in the same situation. C R I E S.)

eh eh do i know more little facts? idk it’ll be in his profile when I finally get around to making it (i had a whole week but suddenly everything happened in that week so i couldnt do it. but it’ll be up soon *nodnod*

Okay that’s it for now. Again. I CAN’T WAIT TO RP WITH Y’ALL I hope you’ll enjoy my muse <3