#if u want a good hal origin story please for the love of god read emerald dawn parts one and two please please please

[rillette]

Okay hi I'm sorry bc this is probably a stupid question but you seen like you know a lot about Hal Jordan!! and I'm curious- what's so bad about the live action green lantern movie?

ok so. first of all, not a stupid question, this is a fun question because its shit on like. multiple different levels. its like genuinely not a good movie on like movie standards and its not a good or faithful gl story either. im probably going to have to put this under a cut so i don't clog up the dash lol.

if you care about spoilers and you plan on watching the movie: it's ugly and boring and they somehow fucked up the stupid bug parallax retcon even more than it already sucks. like its really ugly i can't stress that enough the cgi looks like gum. also the pacing is shit.

if you dont care about spoilers keep reading i guess lol

on like a movie level, it's genuinely not well made. like i said earlier the cgi looks like poo poo shittle and its a significant portion of the movie. like all the gl costumes are cgi and shit its not great. its just not fun to look at which is kinda... not great considering that its a fucking movie. also when hal turns into the green lantern his pupils turn like glow-in-the-dark star green. think teen wolf or jason in titans s3. its very disconcerting. actually wait hold on i live blogged this i have a screen shot i think.

gross. i went back and reread my liveblog and the audio scaling is also bad. i remember scenes being super loud and then they cut and carol is like whispering into the microphone.

also the pacing is like super odd? i watched this movie in chunks so i didnt get like the full effect but the pacing is really fucking slow. the climax of the movie is like a good almost two hours in when hal punches the big bad like once and then it flies into the sun. here is a description of that scene so you dont have to watch this movie: (Hal voice) aughhggg auuuuuuu (trying not to fly into the sun bc gravity) but wiat… >:J (let's go of airplane construct) (punches it once) houuughghhggh (falling into the sun noises) (hal passes out). at least the passing out part is like in character.

in terms of the plot. hoo boy. i? its hard to figure out where to start here because, like, the big bad is parallax. which, should mean the big bad is hal himself, but no, it's the stupid fucking retcon bug parallax. except its not. parallax in this movie is like a big ugly eldritch tentacle monster that slowly floats towards earth and then attacks earth and then gets punched (once) into the sun. genuinely im having a hard time trying to explain this movie because i was so bewildered by their choices the entire time.

it doesn't feel like a green lantern story. there's a weird B-plot where hector hammond gets like infected with parallax and amanda waller is there? i think?? there's just so many characters in this movie that should not be in hal's origin story. Sinestro is there btw i forgot sinestro is there! instead of ranting about order and chaos, he rants about fear and how you're not supposed to feel fear as a gl. this movie honestly feels like if the plot of gl was a flavor than this movie would be like watered down la croix. like something is there. but its so fucking faint. after taste of something that COULD be green lantern.

this movie sucks dude. like its not even bad enough to hate watch its just vaguely nauseating and boring. i need people to stop adapting parallax unless they've done their required reading and they're not using the retcon. geoffry my worst enemy this is your fault somehow i know it in my bones.

hope this helps!