#if u end up making a server shoot me a link I’ll join!!!

[wheerl]

May I… join the rodaid server

OKAY SO THE RODAID SERVERS ACTUALLY JUST ME AND @COMBJELLI FUCKING AROUND ON DISCORD WE’RE SIBLINGS SHSHSDJD, we didn’t realize our art would get so much attention!! We talked abt making it public, but we aren’t really in a position to commit to smt as big as running a server 😭😭 We’re both happy to chat on tumblr over dms tho ❤️

[synthetic-sonata]

hi I saw that u were Kirumi in project kage? what did you mean when you said the mods were too much..?? sorry I plan on joining the server so I just want to see what you meant lol

oh, b their fine and they’ll be fine with you, it’s just that they pressured me a lot (a lot isn’t much for me bc I’ll stress every single thing and my anxiety will make it much worse than it is, that was definitely the issue there not the mods) and I think it’s my anxiety problem bc I screwed up on personality and getting kirumi friends and things bc I was scared of screwing up and i’m bad at stepping out of my comfort zone. the owner in particular (the saihara i’m p sure) and the miu and some others did have moments where they were a little much to me but it was my fault

although i did like a few mods

komaeda (or momaeda jfdvnf) (the person who manages the help/info blog for pk i think), the ouma for pk, (i forgot their normal tumblr username h) and the kaede for pk

they’re nice, and the komaeda is like the emotional and blog support mod and the kinder one out of all of them

i was going to stay in the server too, but then i went “no this is just a server that everytime i look at i’ll see the bad shit that happened and how badly my anxiety was eating my a-”

after getting out of it though im p much stress relieved

I’ve been thinking of rejoining the server (and maybe getting a blog for it again maybe a different character maybe not probably not since im better and my art style is a lil simpler so its easier to shoot out asks) but most people in the server will remember me as a burden probably. also my drawing tablets cord looks like its going to break h

woahg that was longk but uh TL;DR: THEIR FINE NOTHING U NEED TO WORRY ABOUT EVEN THOUGH MY BITCH ASS SELF MADE IT SEEM LIKE IT BASICALLY MY ANXIETY WAS AND STILL IS MY DOWNFALL although the mods and some people did have their moments

i think my friend is still in that server though h

the only complaint i have about them (mainly mod saihara but they are the owner so its probably understandable) is that they get their point across too firmly and agressively, at least with me when i was still there although nowaday i can get why they did that, especially bc their the owner they want the au to go as smoothly as it can and having a weaker link like me will fuck that up

 and i sorta had really depressing thoughts (mostly bc of other things and situations) and the stress of having an ask blog murdered me. also i didn’t take the ask blog as seriously as i was expected to, and i didnt show kirumis character that well. Now i have a much better grasp on her character but i dont wanna rejoin and be a burden. They still haven’t found a kirumi as far as i know but they will soon probably h.

me @ me : END THIS POST ALREADY

also if any of the project kage members want me to take this down i will h

if any project kage mods or members see this i expect them to refute or message me which will kick me in my ass bbbbbb BUT JUST KNOW THEY ARE PERFECTLY FINE ESPECIALLY FOR MODS THEY KEEP PEOPLE IN LINE LIKE THEY DID WITH ME MOST OF THIS POST WAS MY ANXIETY TALKING SO IF YOU WANt A BETTER ANSWER THEN JUST ASK OR MESSAGE OR SMTH BC I STILL HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE OF MOST OF IT

I am still sorta glad i joined bc it gave me the experience of a serious project/au so now i can join things like that and be less of a fuck up