#if this isnt centered I'll be so mad

[mello-bee]

“Mysterious strangers were seen to come and go in many worlds” – fables about the Stars by Adrian Specer Smith 

Cosmic Corsairs

The Cosmic Corsairs is a sub-faction of The Nameless. They follow the Path of The Trailblaze even after the fall of Akivili.

After the fall of their Aeon, a group of Loyal Nameless attempted to continue THEIR Legacy. However, due to the spread of the Cancer Of All Worlds (stellarons) the star rails that the Express runs on deteriorated. The Express fell into despair and crashed onto an unnamed planet, causing the Nameless to abandon it.

But The Nameless were known for their perseverance; Although they didn't try to fix The Astral Express due to the false belief that it was powered by their Aeon’s heart, they decided to build a new vessel (The Ship), one unbound by the silver rails Akivili had once built, that can Trailblaze further than their forefathers had once did while being lead by the Aeon

The Corsairs’ goal is to reach the unreachable and help those in need on the way. Although their ideals are similar to their current Express counterparts, they are given a bad reputation as “Uncivilised Pirates" due to their unwillingness to submit to authority, and unlawful methods of achieving their plans.

The current cruisers of the ship are either new recruits, or long descendants of the original Nameless, either way they're determined to follow the path to its end. 

KNOWN MEMBERS:

"not much of a talker..."

NAME: Caspian

ORIGINS: the son of the original voyagers, was given the captain's coat after the previous one stepped down due to his diligence and trailblazing spirit

PATH: The trailblaze

WEAPON: Cutlass sword

"such an annoying and crass bird..!"

NAME: Varun

ORIGINS: unknown, some say similar looking birds were seen accompanying previous captains since the day the ship was created, but Caspian claims that he had never seen him before the day he got assigned captain, and that the previous captain's pet parrot looked and acted completely different

ABILITIES: is known to read Caspian's thoughts out loud, in an unintelligible pirate dialect. its important to note that not every thought he voices is Caspian's, and that he also has his own unfiltered line of thinking

"Those eyes.."

NAME: karina

Origins: A Sigonian. came to the ship to look for someone, lost hope. that's all she's willing to tell you

PATH: allegedly, The Trailblaze

WEAPON: duel gun

OTHER MEMBERS...LOADING...LOADING... FAILED TO LOAD.

looks like you'll have to fill the space with your own ocs! if you'd like to join? :P

to make a Cosmic Crosairs oc you have to:

tag it as "Cosmic Cosairs"

tag me in the post! (optional)

yes im aware i misspelled corsair in the reference sheets, i apologize for that!!

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

steph should've gotten her own song i SWEAR TO GOD. if steph gets becky barnes'd i'll be So Mad i need more steph content that ISNT centered around lautski.

- 🛸

~~~

[i-cant-sing]

Dad Toji:

True, it's just toddler you and him enjoying a pizza on your couch while watching yet another Disney movie as you tell him about how you broke one urn after the other at the Zenin house because you thought they were cookie jars until one of the servants shrieked and started crying as they begged you to go to your room.

Toji nodded, before giving you another slice of pizza. "That's good. And then Naoya dropped you off here?"

You shook your head. "No. I was gonna go to sleep but then Uncle Naoya's mom showed me pictures of you and I missed you so I walked here!" You said before taking a bite of your pizza, swinging your legs back and forth off the couch.

Toji internally awed at your little confession until-

"Wait. Y/n- you walked here? WALKED?" He asked concerned. Toji is shocked because his house isnt anywhere near the Zenin house. His house is in the center of the city, while Naoya lives in the mountains away from all the noise. So you walked for miles, trekked down those high hills all alone?! "You didn't inform anyone you were coming here?"

You slurped your soda from the hello kitty cup. "Nope! Missed you too much. And if I did, stupid uncle Naoya would've been all "NOOOO! You're too poor and dumb to understand how you need to live with me than Toji! He doesn't love you! He abandoned you! I'm your fathe- GUARDIAN! I know what's best for you! Stop trying to walk away-" He whines a lot."

"Well, I'm glad youre here. But maybe next time, itd be better if you could call me? Id come pick you up myself." Toji chuckled before ruffling your hair and you gave him a toothy grin.

"You're so cute. I love you, Y/n."

Yur eyes gleamed. "I love you too, dad!"

The sweet moment was interrupted by loud banging on the door.

"Y/N! OPEN THE DOOR! I KNOW YOURE IN THERE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Naoya yelled from outside.

You pouted but before you could go, Toji pulled you back and gave you his ipad and some hello kitty headphones. "I'll ask Naoya to let you stay the night, okay? You wear these and enjoy some music." Your face brightened as you began searching YouTube, Toji glad that he put it on kids mode so that you wouldn't ble to see his history of purchases on the black market.

As Naoya began banging his fists against the door like a mad man, Toji suddenly opened it and stepped out, closing the door behind him as Naoya gulped at the huge man who narrowed his eyes at him.

"T-Toji-"

"Naoya, what's this I'm hearing about you telling Y/n that I dont loved her? That i abandoned her? Because if memory serves me right, I remember you breaking into my house, killing her nanny and kidnapping my daughter while I was away." Toji grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. "You begged me to let her stay with you, didn't you? And I told you that she can stay with you as long as you keep her safe and I get to meet her whenever I want. And so far, you've failed at both. She left the house, walked for miles here, all alone and god knows what could've happened to her. And then she tells me that you've been stopping her from meeting me? Hm? Do you want a fucking beating, Naoya?"

Baby shark blasted loud enough through your headphones for you to hear Naoya's shrill screams as Toji chased him with new cursed weapons he bought online that he'd wanted to test.

What better time than now?

[garden-beans]

I want what 20th century women authors were on

Ok but no literally I was reminded of my favorite (as of right now I am fickle) gothic novel. Which guys let me tell you about Ann Radcliffe's The Mysteries of Udolpho. Have you ever wanted to read Jane Austen but like also the plot is on crack a bit? Yeah, I also didn't know I wanted that until I had it.

So like, maybe spoilers but the novel was also published in 1794 so I feel like its fine. I'm going to break the book's plot down into four, and i want emphasize this, very simplified sections.

Part One: Death. We start with the death of our main gal's (her name is Emily) parents, total bummer they were like a super nice family and now she has to go live in the wack castle with her aunt. Stuff does happen before her parents die but for the sake of not ranting too much the most important pre-parental-death facts to know is that the family's fortune was in decline, Emily accompanied her father travelling the world after her mom dies and while journeying she falls in love with this guy named Valancourt. But then her dad dies and it's aunt time. Oh also she meets a woman called Sister Agnes at the convent where her father gets buried, we will come back to her. Classic set up we love to see it nothing too big happening here. But this leads us to the next plot point the castle. You guessed it! It's Udolpho.

Part Two: Udolpho. Ok to be fair im skipping a bunch of stuff but we have to get through this, so straight up gothic castle on a cliff. I could go on a whole rant about the castle being a classic example of a large scary house in gothic novels and how arguably the main character could really be the castle and Emily is just our tour guide but I digress. Emily's Aunt has married this fuck ass guy named Signor Montoni, and he sucks so much ass. He forces Emily to break off her engagement with Valancourt (yeah that happened in the stuff i skipped) by manipulating her aunt. He also before they make it to Udolpho tries to force Emily to marry his creepy old man friend Count Morano and sign over her property to him (her uncle). But then switches up real fast when his friend turns out to be like loosing his money or smth and Montoni and her Aunt drag her off to Udolpho. Ok great they get there and turns out Montoni is like a bandit king/leader guy???? and the castle is their center of operations??? And then the castle is attacked by other people and Morano shows back up and tries to kidnap Emily but fails. Also castle is allegedly mad haunted. Emily finds a creepy black curtain and has a breakdown about a frightful thing she sees behind it, she thinks it is the body of Signora Laurentini di Udolpho who the Count was rumored to be married to before. Emily thinks he killed her and put her body there. Great. Montoni ends up inadvertently killing Emily's aunt cause she won't sign over her property to him and plans on leaving it to Emily, so he locks her in a tower and she just gets sick and dies there. Skipping some more stuff Emily and a few others run away and escape Udolpho which leads to....

Part Three: Chateau-Blanc. Yay! Second haunted house time! They end up nearby where her father died and was buried. Some supernatural shit is happening here too apparently and a servant shows Emily this room with a painting of the Marchioness de Villeroi and tells her about her. Emily is like aw fuck this lady might be my real mom we look crazy related and double fuck because this room is also seemingly very haunted. So another guy is like hey i'll spend the night in here to prove it isnt haunted! and the next day he is straight up gone so that sucks. Emily then ends up going back to the convent and visiting Sister Agnes who is dying now too. And death is a hell of a drug because she confesses her whole life story to Emily and turns out Agnes is Signora Laurentini di Udolpho and had been the Marquis de Villeroi's lover. And she and him conspired to kill the Marchioness de Villeroi who is Emily's aunt not her mom. And like men do the Marquis regretted what he did and blamed it all on Agnes/Signora Laurentini and told her she had to go repent for the rest of her life. And Oops Emily should have all her aunt's land and stuff actually so she is a wealthy woman now once she recovers it all. Also! that guy (Ludovico) who disappeared earlier in the haunted room shows back up! Turns out he was kidnapped by Pirates who were trying to rob the mansion, not ghosts.

Part Four: Final Weddings and Reveals. So the book ends with Emily and Blanche (another character she is important but... you get it)) getting married. Emily to Valancourt after a series of miscommunications I glossed over. Its like a whole romance subplot of 'is he worthy of her love? is he not?' going on during the last part up until they are like 'ooo we are in love lets marry'. Idk the romance isn't why i am here. I'm here because the very end of the novel reveals to us that this whole time the creepy maybe dead body Emily saw behind that curtain was a wax figure. And it like ribs on her for not taking a second more to look, hold on im pulling out the quote for this one “Had she dared to look again, her delusion and her fears would have vanished together, and she would have perceived, that the figure before her was not human, but formed of wax". Like damn ok yeah...

anyway I just really like this novel. Like! It's mentioned by Austen in Northanger Abbey, which is knowingly a parody or satire of the Gothic genre. And Udolpho is used as like this example of a great gothic story in it. But I feel like you could argue that Udolpho is almost a parody or satire in itself? Like Emily is never actually in any danger from supernatural happenings. The worst is her new uncle and some other creepy men. And while that also can fall into the gothic genre there is also this self awareness the story has of its own elaborate craziness. If that makes any sense? Idk it just throws so many plot twists and points at you in the best way.

[bisaster-energy]

you can tell me about your idea!!!

thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry

SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!

nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi

we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤

centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care

i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3

so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?

i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv

reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type

im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not

and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!

and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for

but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off

anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While

and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances

so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it

"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment

there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol

yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now

ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him

so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv

he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...

and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up

hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)

they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"

kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."

yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him

"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."

yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."

and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore

kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"

kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg

yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐

so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different

and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes

yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?

"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time

anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice

kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!

and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.

and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts

he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window

and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away

and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back

he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day

but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now

part ii cos it's too many words!

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[sapphictigress]

S2E3

Chell lookin ass

Jesse: "Follow the orange line in the floor to the check-in zone." Yeah, I heard you. ME AT WORK WHEN THE INTERCOM PLAYS AN ADVERT OML LMAOO

Warden: It's a reformatory for people the Admin has found... difficult. I'll be your Warden. Idk you seem like you can see a little too well to be a good warden...

Warden: Of course. The Admin is an endless source of building brilliance. Including this... beautiful behavioral adjustment retreat center. I'm sure we'll get along just famously. Maybe we'll even be, uh... friends, someday. "Retreat" yeahuh

Warden: Now hang on a tick. I have a... another guest on my manifest. Warden: Female, hothead. Favorite weapon: sword. Favorite tool: sword. Favorite food: sword?

MY QUEEN

Ooooghhh sorry squeaker... also the Iron Breath taker would not work in vanilla nowadays, you'd just squimch to crawl mode

Stella: While I appreciate you letting me out of that ice, I can’t let that disrupt the new... professional relationship we have now, okay? I'm sure you understand. Stella: [...] I've barely arrived and I'm already bossing you around. Isn't it grand? Stella keep me out of your,, role playing fetishist dreams

Lovin the evil Bob Ross tho

Whats good lil whiny man

Petra: Ah, geez, I am so glad to see you in one piece... it... that was... um... so... oh, boy... Petra: I... it... that was... Jesse: It's really good to see you too, Petra. That was scary. Petra: Right? I could barely believe it, it... it all happened so fast... She is having such a hard time saying she was scared and worried :333

Admin in bg: Hello, Guests and Associates. Admin here, reminding you that, despite being so close to finding a suitable champion, the spot remains open to all. Especially any wannabe adventurers whose names might rhyme with “Nessie.” Just... throwing that out there🥺 👉👈! Good day!

The fact that this isnt shapeless pisses me off >:( (i dont even know if vanilla is shapeless or not im still mad)

I love that this man already has a sleeve

Radar: Manipulate “the man” to work for us! Prison Radar votes heck yeah! Such a silly guy

Damn she's scared

Oxblood has a cat painting, love that for him

Stella: You know, Jesse, guests and associates really shouldn’t be mingling... Stella. I said keep me OUT of your fantasies

Jesse: Sure, Stella. We'd be happy to have you. Stella: If you're happy, I'm happy. Yeah I know. She's such a simp for me man, she wants my ass

Jesse: No matter how many worlds I see, it always seems to come back to levers... Just like old times

Admin: [...] Now, you’re trying to disrupt the therapeutic benefits of my zombie mine? Therapy????

Stella's into it

Listen.. I'm sorry i swung my sword at you and hit you, i feel really bad

I'll kill you Jack, I'll kill you

Y'all dont see that tripwire hook, eh? Lluna jumped over it y'all dont see it?? Y'all stupid, Y'all stupid dummy blind

Guard 3: The Warden's been fired! The line delivery is amazing

Petra: (Excited) Hahaha! Weapons! Sweet, sweet weapons! Oh my god love you Ashley Johnson, Love your line delivery

The nonchalant stab with the arrow though... that was hot

Sorry Xara didnt mean to be in the way of your double kill arrow my bad that was hot

Jesse: A three-headed Ghast?! Yikes! Why would the Admin create that?! Cause he's fucked up! He's a fucked up little man!

Xara: You came back. Jesse: I said I'd get you out, didn't I? Now, show us the way. Xara: I know you didn't have to do that. I appreciate it. I don't want you to be mad at me, you're also kinda hot

[nyasialiveshere]

kpop opinions that are actually unpopular like actually

every since the new year hit I got late night energy and womanly opinions, ppl was on the bird app talking about how everybody calls ppl siblings in kpop when kdolls are different genders and i was thinking how ppl call kai and bada siblings and lil sis + big bro

I never said nothing but wth, they was grindin afro trinidad jamaican style what kind of weird thought process people got goin on. I get calling them friends cause she's dating somebody but nooo!

ppl so desperate to throw any proof of kpop dudes being around attractive women into some kumbaya they are family. It is okay he's grown the backup dancers are grown they want to emulate grown ppl dances. I know the bear bear agenda has everyone looking at him as an actual stuffed animal but like he's not. People turned mhmm and peaches into he's so g@y he don't even like boys.

That's fine but maybe don't invest energy in thinking you know somebody's orientation. It is all fans seem to care about and when they can't push that they infantilize, or treat them like an object. Ive even seen human therapy dog like bruh. Even if they want that from you to rely on them like that. Preserve your energy its precious. Many ship believing it makes them not like other girls

ur energy is still going out the window whether they are straight g@y bi whatever.

But anyway men and women can be friends but I feel like that isnt enough for people who have a vested interest in shipping they have to restructure their mind to prove their is no way im the world they could ever be with a woman. But I feel that has to do with wounded femininity more than anything some women deep down feel like women are bad and drag men down and they could be happier and more free without women. People gotta leave women alone they are the center of the whole world no living being other than a unicellular one would exist without women stop the madness, go hug ur mother, watch gilmore girls, watch bad girls club whatever get a better understanding of what its like to be a woman. As my dad would say to me as a kid stop hating. Maybe go into the history of male female dances what it symbolizes why its a representation of life. They didn't choreo vanilla and bamba for ppl to be like oh swell aren't they the best of buds. Respect his art. Cause that seems to be the last thing on ppls mind i thought peaches flew over everybody's head ppl didnt get rover at all making barbie memes. He had to resort to soulless promo and the fans couldn't have been happier. Thats sad. Not only that ppl refuse to speak on it he made a whole song with spanish verses nobody even cared to question it like at all not only that but he stuck with the carnival theme for the film. (i wanna do a whole breakdown about that)

But he put a crop top on and everybody went nuts... he always works to tell a story but ppl only care about their narrow minded perspective of him. Then have the nerve to get mad when other ppl bring it up then continue to talk about ships.

And ppl dare to say exo not a fanservice group, sweets most groups stop ddoing fanservice around year 4 in preparation for solo's at about year 7 to 10 maximum. And no thats not a kpop thing thats a all the way back to motown thing. Its plot by plot the same formula. It's a lou pearlman backstreet boys thing, its a simon cowell one direction thing, a destinys child fifth harmony thing. Same playbook different players.

So ppl ignoring someone's humanity for ships like bye. Never ever will a relationship even a marriage be over somebody's bodily autonomy and the spirit in there body. And if this seems preachy its cause I feel like some people will put a friendship over somebody's career. Like nope can't listen to this album they said she and her instead of remaining gender neutral and I know they are not straight so I'll wait for the next group album to actually care about anything they say or do

but people laugh at kfans like no. I dont laugh at kfans cause I know how down bad they emotionally manipulate them women straight or not. Its way more intense than what they do with american fans. They manipulate the straight women with pseudo romantic mass flirting ala like beliebers

and for the other more shy girls they flirt with the members. Because these companies learned from Japan and they know some women are shy so the members flirting with one another is like a conduit through which they can flirt with the people shipping them. It's all psychology its voyeurism.

(with crowds this large they not only know they have an audience it is typical for celebs to become performative by nature for fear of boring the crowd leading to public displays of affection when there may not have been)

They know you watchin so if they all up on somebody and they know somebody watching and they being er*tic wouldn't it be common sense they tryna get people heated on purpose? That's common sense

These labels are not as dumb as you think they are. They have the psychology down pat. Like don't take my word for it there are dozens of books on this. Entertainment in korea is gov funded they know what they doing.

They not keeping anybody in the closet they want everybody to be as convincing as possible for a reason. Notice how kpop is heavily pushed but rap isn't? Cause rap culture mainly pushes amongst other things hypermasculinity which historically results in rebellion revolution all things the korean gov worked hard to push down

1988 riots happened same year as the seoul olympics where the whole world had their eyes on the country

closer to the winter olympics in 2018 south korea already had a new generation of kpop that would reach out globally with the main group who kicked off the third generation of kpop being exo among other group who began to get coverage in the west all gov funded and approved

this would not be the first or last time exo would be involved in global politics

this is why exo and cl of 2ne1 performed at the winter olympics these are the idols that spearheaded kpop globally. I'm telling you it all started when exo won that ema

I don't think yall understand they were a new group and had more clout than one direction justin beiber and ariana grande in this moment in time..like the ego and fandom is blinding people really think about that for a second this opened up a whole new world for kpop. Mama flopped in korea, exo admitted this themselves kai said their debut accomplished nothing. Think real hard about this. Growl was a song remixed for the korean public by a black producer. In america growl would of been a mediocre summer radio hit played once or twice a week before disappearing. But its one of Exo’s biggest hits of all time they still perform it.

kpop wasn't only meant to be ear candy and nice dances it was to keep the youth trusting the people in power and focused on idols rather than what was going in the country like crazy work hours, chaebols and unfair imbalance of power. Being that there is an american military base in seoul for decades no korean could go inside its clear its deeper than any individuals preferences.

Also take into consideration many trainees are underage, threatened with being kicked out if they are caught dating the opposite gender, watched by managers and staff 24/7 kept away from their parents, most have about a 6th grade education because they spent a majority of their time training. Insiders and fans have caught physical abuse on camera, idols have spoken out about being severely scolded as trainee's, bullied by grown adults for looks, weight, acne, social status and if that isn't a recipe for dissociation they also give the idols different names for their fans to call them that they must answer to. They also must only give affection to members of their same gender or fans may disown them and call for them to be kicked out of the group and start bullying them online and in person.

So if all that isn't proof enough that the yaoi culture kpop thrives off of is not about love at all but about psychological manipulation fr its very roots idk what else I can say. But really idc what people believe but don't act like the company is against your ship they groom those boys and girls in every sense of the word. Kji is naturally feminine which only make people think he is simply in control of everything including his crop top era. Really and truly I believe he's stuck at the age he was when his parents pushed him to be famous when he was a cute ballerino that people mistook for a girl that got lots of attention from other kids and older girls.

Anyone can be feminine but people have used certain idols being tomboys or nontraditionally masculine as ultimate proof of things they have nothing to do with. Using the companies hide everything excuse. Remember its a whole system set up from the jump. Once in a vlive kji said as trainees they assign people roles such as the mom and the dad of the group, why would a company of homophobes hellbent on making everyone as straight as possible to do that. Early they teach them to go to one another and managers for comfort instead of seeking outside people. I'm not saying America or the west is perfect but more people gotta wakeup. Male western popstars date and marry and still have a career but kpop idols gotta fight to stay alive even if they have western fans. Fandoms aren't full of sherlock holmes they purposely put clues for ships if you didn't notice. The national enquire alone has five years of stories planned for all major celebs korea is no different. Sometimes when celebs speak our about companies they will purposely make fanservice happen to distract everyone. Its not just jenkai yall im so sorry, its every ship everywhere all at once.

[sadyeehaw]

I'll run down the list here

A person in heavy makeup reading to kids is in fact normal. There is no difference between a clown and a drag queen except that you dont like them.

Nobody does that. Like literally nobody. I went to one of the statistically gayest high schools in one of the gayest states in the US.

Name one womens sports team without looking it up. Also the entirety of the supreme court is incompetent and evil, not just the ones you don't like

If someone tells you their pronouns and you continue to misgender them, you arent doing it out of respect, and they have just as much of a right to get mad as you would if I decided you were a woman and called you a name that 1. Isnt yours and 2. Is associated with a traumatic event. For instance, imagine if I continued to call you by your least favorite exes name. Not a good time.

The US military doesnt give a shit if you are gay. That's just called the navy and that has been the case since ww2. That being said, what combat training would you have them do? Most of warfare nowadays is done with drones or missiles, all you gotta do is train some 18 year old to fly the drone and you've got a military. Actual personel will never be able to train if we arent in a war because the ideal fight you want to bring is different for EVERY country we could fight. The military exists as a deterrent and to make sure a good portion of the population is in good shape so we can train for a specific environment once we do go to war.

A clown country is the one weve been living in for 60 years where people with more money than they could ever spend constantly try to get MORE money at the expense of you and me and have shaped the system to pit half the population against the other half because decided we fall. Left right and center are just different flavors of propaganda so you can get mad at other people about your taxes and not the corporations constantly needing bailouts (General motors and JPMORGAN chase come to mind, and those are just from the 2008 recession).

[shivering-isles-cryptid]

The Curse of an Arkham Psycologist | The Riddler x Therapist Reader

Summary: Arkham Asylum was very careful when hiring their newest psychologist, they didnt want another Harley Quinn case. But all their worries seems to be for nothing when they hired Dr. L/n. Top of his class. Ivy League Graduate. He's their perfect candidate, and is hired on the spot. All their fears seem like nothing more than that, fears. Until they assign him the Riddler.

Request: Yes / No

Warnings: Talks of murder, abuse, and mental illness, graphic depictions of violence, language, multiple sex jokes, incompetent policemen, Batman pining for the reader if you squint

The Hiring Interview

Y/n tapped his fingers on his knee, staring at the three men in front of him. The Arkham Asylum warden, Warden Wright, Gotham City Police Commissioner Jim Gordon, and Batman. Thr three men stared into y/n, which normally being alone in a room with 3 muscular men would have been a dream come true, but not when your in a job interview. "I hope you understand why we have these two with us. We need to make sure the psychologists we hire are up for the task. We can't risk another Harley Quinn." The Warden explained, y/n nodding along.

"Where did you go to school?"

"I graduated from the College of Northern Gotham with a Bachelors in Clincal Psychology, with a minor in communication. I then got my P.H.D. in Criminal Psychology from Princeton. I also recieved an associates degree in Psychology when I was in high school."

"Previous work experience?"

"I worked for 5 years at a therapists office in Metropolis, and spent some time as a secretary for Dr. Quinnzel before she was hired here."

"Do you have any personal connection to any inmates here at Arkham?"

"The Penguin killed my dad, Scarecrow killed my mom, Bane killed my brother, and Mad Hatter tried to kidnap me, but I beat him up."

"So you have experience with these psychos?"

"The same experience as anyone else in Gotham."

"Your medical records say that you have difficulty with expressing emotion. Is there a reason for that?"

"I don't have difficulty with emotions, but if there isnt a reason, I'm not going to show them. Take right now for instance, if I was sad, I wouldn't cry in front of you three."

"You can control your emotions, that's good. These bastards will test you every chance they get."

"I can handle it."

The Warden scoffed, and tossed a file to me. "Prove it. Heres your first patient. I'll take you to him."

Interview 1: Meeting the Riddler

"I'll be starting you off with one of our least dangerous villains. If you stay calm, and solve his riddles, you'll be fine." Warden opened a door, which showed a room with a glass box in the center. Sitting in the box was a man with a question mark on his forehead. He was tall and lean, but you could see the muscle on his body. "Good luck. Cheryl." The Warden nodded to the cop standing guard and left the room.

You sat on the chair standing infront of the cube, holding eye contact with the Riddler. "Riddle me this, Doc. Who spends their time trying to heal the broken, who spends their time trying to get them to say the unspoken. Whos over their head and doesn't know what to do, I'll give you hint, the answer is you." Y/n put a hand over his mouth a chuckled lightly. "Your very smart Mr. Riddler. It was a clever joke." Y/n smiled at him and tilted his head. "Now, riddle me this Riddler." Y/n stood up and began circling the cell, never thaking his eyes off the Riddler. "Who wears green outside of March, who's back is as straight as an arch. Who talks in riddles to confuse the dumb, who does crimes so they feel numb. Who acts like they have confidence, but secretly worry over their incompetence. Who kills and lies to push people away, all because they think no one will stay. Who..." Riddler banged a fist against a wall, anger written on his face, but also fear and sadness. "Yeah, yeah I get it!" Y/n smiled and sat back down. "So, now that we've evened the playing field. How about I ask you some questions?"

Interview 4: Earning Trust

Y/n stared at the Riddler, who was using mashed potatoes to draw question marks on the glass. "I feel like there's a wall between us, Mr. Riddler." Y/n said, a small smirk tugging on his lips. Riddler turned and looked at him with a bored look and blinked before turning around again. Y/n stood up and walked to the door, motioning at Cheryl to open it. Y/n walked in, ignoring Riddler surprise, and sat in the middler of the floor. "Well, now there's no wall. What do you want to talk about Mr. Riddler." Riddler stood up and walked toward the unfazed y/n. Riddler stood above him, staring down at him with a smirk. "I like this view, you should get on the floor more often Doc." Riddler sat down across from him, their knees almost touching. "Hmm, maybe I do. You'd never know." Y/n smirked tapping his pen against his clipboard. Riddler blushed for a second, but shook his head and smirked. "So Mr. Riddler, do you want to talk about your childhood? That seems to always be where the story starts." Riddler tilted his head, that shit-eating grin still on his face. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." Y/n looked at him and shook his head. "If you insist Mr. Riddler. I was born here in Gotham. Raised here too. I had a decent life up till high school, that's when the Penguin killed my dad. Then, the day after graduation, Scarecrow killed my mother. And then, it was my first day at the College of Northern Gotham, and my brother is killed by Bane. And then, 3 months later, the Mad Hatter decides I'd make a good Alice and tries to kidnap me." Riddler tilted his head and scratched his chin. "What did you do?" Y/n smirked, letting out a chuckle. "I snapped his arm in half and broke one of his ribs." Riddlers eyes and smile widened and he clapped his hands. "Ooh, I misjudged you doc." Y/n nodded and stood up. "Well Mr. Riddler, I have another appointment, so we're going to have to cut this short. Have a goodnight." Y/n turned around, but Riddler grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Call me Edward, Doc." Y/n nodded and left the cell. "Have a goodnight, Edward." Y/n smiled at him before turning around and leaving.

Meeting with the Boss

Y/n sat in the same chair he did when he got the job, staring at the same three people, plus Cheryl. "You went INTO his cell! You could have been killed, he could have escaped!" Commissioner Gordon yelled at y/n, who stared at him blankly. "I earned his trust, he'll actually talk to me now. Getting him to do that is my JOB!" Y/n stood up, holding eye contact with Gordon. "He's right Commish, the Riddler trusts him now. I watched it happen." Cheryl said, nodding to y/n. "It is his job Gordon." The Warden said, putting a hand on Gordon's shoulder. Y/n crossed his arms and started at the Commishoner. "Ugh, fine, go back to work." Y/n nodded and went to leave the room. He grabbed the doorknob, but turned back to them. "I'm not Harley Quinn. I cant be manipulated by Riddler. I will never do something that I don't believe is right just because some guy tries to flirt." Y/n said before opening the door and leaving.

Interview 5: Edward Talks

Y/n stepped into the cell, sitting in the same place he did last time. "Sorry I'm late, the Warden wanted to ask something." Y/n explained and clicked his pen. "Oh it's fine. I wasn't worried." Y/n internally roleld his eye, but smiled back at Riddler. "Well Edward, I told you my story, I think its time you told me yours." Edward turned from the ceiling and glared at Y/n, who was still smiling warmly. Edward sat up in the bed and crossed his legs, staring at the floor. "Well, it all started when I was 8."

When the Riddler was done, y/n was fighting back tears harder than he ever has before, qnd Cheryl was a sobbing mess so they had to send in a new guard until she calmed down. Y/n got up and put a hand on Edwards shoulder, pulling him into a hug. "Riddle me this, Edward. Who has been through to much to be sane, but still has the ability to play his own game. Who is stronger than anyone I've met, and who still hasnt broken yet." Y/n rubbed Edwards back, holding him as he shook but no tears came out. "You are stronger than your dad, or mom, ever gave you credit for. And you are way stronger than you give yourself credit for." They stood there for 4 minutes before Edward pulled away. "Ive got to go see another patient, but I'll be back. I always am." Y/n squeezed Edward's hand and left the room, patting the new guard on the shoulder.

Interview 6: An Unofficial Visit

"Wait outside for a few minutes. I dont want you to burst into tears again." Y/n whispered to Cheryl, who nodded and walked outside the door. Y/n entered Edwards cell and sat on the bed next to him. "Doc? But our next appointment isn't for another 3 hours. Did you really miss me that much?" Edward smirked at him and wiggled his shaved eyebrows. "I have something to tell you Edward. That backstory I gave you, its not all of it. Yes, I'm an orphan, yes I broke Mad Hatter. But there's more to it than that. I'm the one who put my dad in the Penguins path. I'm the one who gave Scarecrow my mom. And I'm the one who threw the rock at Bane, not my brother. My dad beat my mom, so I got rid of him. My mom beat me and my brother, so I got rid of her. And when my brother found out, he was on his way to the police when Bane showed up. I killed my family. And I don't feel bad." Yn whispered into Edwards ear. "Holy shit, you're fucked up." Edwards said, his eyes widening, then his mouth burst into a smile. "I knew you were too good to be true, and you just keep getting better!" Edward said grabbing his face and kissing him. Y/n pulled away and shook his head, turning his body so the cameras couldnt see his face. "I don't want to get fired and thrown in here, so pretend like I just rejected you." Edward's face contorted into anger and he started yelling at y/n, who was already back at the door, looking afraid as he escaped. "I'll be back." He mouthed to Edward, who nodded slightly, but still looked mad.

Another Meetimg With Your Boss

"I told you it was dangerous! Riddler is insane and he could have killed you!" Gordon yelled at you, as you once again sat in front of the 4 people. "I knew he would trust me, I didn't think he would fall in love with me!" Y/n yelled, standing up. "Doctor L/n, it is too dangerous for you to go back to the Riddlers cell." Batman said, putting a hand on you shoulder. "No, I am still going to be his doctor! I just won't go into his cell. Knowing what I know now, I realize that it was foolish of me to enter his cell in the first place." Warden Wright nodded at you. "Was he a good kisser?" Everyone looked at Cheryl. "What, we were all thinking it." Gordon nodded, "we were." Now everyone was looking at y/n, who shrugged. "It just made me think we should give the inmates mints. Other than that, he was okay. I've had better." Gordon nodded, and Batman huffed, following Y/n out of the office. He grabbed his arm and pulled him toward him. "Be careful Doctor. The Joker ruined Dr. Quinnzels life because she thought she could change him. She believed she was getting through to him and it destroyed her. Don't make the same mistake." Y/n nodded and patted Batman on the chest. "Don't worry batsy, I won't." And the he left. 'I won't because Riddler isn't manipualting me. He actually likes me, and I really like him.' Y/n smirked to himself as he left.

Interview 7: The Big Escape

Y/n smiled at Cheryl, patting her on the shoulder as she nodded to him. Y/n sat on the metal chair that he hasn't touched since the 4th interview. "Hello Mr. Riddler. Now, I'd like to talk about the incident at our last meeting." Riddler looked up at Y/n with fury. "You have alot of nerve to come back her after that!" Edward slammed his hands against the door of the cell and Y/n stood up, walking to it. "Listen Mr. Riddler, I just want to know why you thought that was appropriate behavior. Surely you didn't really believe that there could be something between us. I mean, your in a cage, how could we date." Y/n shook his head and placed a hand on the cage door, which made Edward hit the door in anger again. "Shut up! I thought that you could look past that!" Y/n tilted his head to the side ane shook his head. "Did you also think I could look past you being a supervillain, even knowing that my family was killed by villains?" Y/n shook his head, his hand sliding down the wall. "I could never look past that Mr. Riddler. Just like how I can't look past the wall separating us." Y/n said, at the exact moment his hand slid over the button unlocking the door. "Oh, guess that's not a problem anymore." Yn shrugged, pulling a gun out from his jacket and shooting Cheryl in the stomach. "Don't worry Cheryl, you'll live. The female body is amazing. I shot you directly next to the womb, so I missed most if not all your vital organ, and you most likely won't bleed out before someone gets you to a doctor. Lovely isn't it?" Y/n laughed, handing Edward his cane and they walked out of the room, Edward electrocuting and y/n shooting anyone who tried to stop them. They just made it to the main hall, after Edward released Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, something aboit repaying a debt or something. Batman stood infront of the door, his body in a guarded stance. "Doctor L/n, y/n. Please, what ever the Riddler said to you. It isn't worth it." Y/n laughed, pointing his gun at Batman. "I already told you Batsy, Edward cant make me do anything I don't want to do." Batman grunted and Y/n pulled the trigger. It was empty. "Darling, do you want to give my Riddle Stick a whirl?" Edward said, putting a hand on Y/n's shoulder. "Eddie, not infront of Batman." Y/n joked, brushing some hair behind his ear. "I meant my cane." He said, handing it to y/n who laughed and pointed it at Batman. "Sorry Batsy, you understand what it's like falling for a villain." Y/n said and pupped the trigger, electrocuting Batman and running out of the Asylum with Edward and the girls.

Home At Last

Y/n sat in Edwards living room, looking at all the green decor. "You should call this place the Emerald City, not the Riddle lair." Y/n joked moving into Edwards lap when he sat down. "Very funny darling, I'll have to think it over." Edward said, snuggling his nose in Y/n's neck. "Ah, it feels good to be free. To be able to be myself." Y/n said, placing his head on Edwards shoulder. "I love you Y/n." Edward whispered into Y/n's ear. "I love you too, Edward. Now, how bout we go to your room and I take your Riddle Stick for a little ride." Y/n whispered into his ear. Edward grabbed Y/n's waist and stood up, y/n wrapping his legs around Edward and kissed him.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

i'm high right now and i saw your maze house and was filled with immediate dread like it activated some primal fear in me. this is the highest compliment i can possibly pay. it's art and it's beautiful

Thank you! I almost actually named the sim I used for testing the house "Fear" but I ended up calling her Madness.

Also comparatively, the maze house I posted is pretty simple and a lil cozy to me, which is why I'm making a larger one using aesthetics from the Vampire pack to get an older feel and ill get to add all sort of fun cobwebs and statues in it :)

I'm in the middle of lighting it so you cant make out all the maze well so I'll also share the blueprints :) The red line is the "solution" if the solution was to get from the enterence to the center room (which is a ladder between floors) however the actual "solution" isnt easy because I'm going to spread out individual living necessities (toilet, shower, sink, counter, stove, fridge, trash, etc) at various dead ends

As a side note for any simmers, I shared the first maze house to the gallery! You can find it under my account eldritchNiqab!

[heartofsurgingflame]

I wanna address this take because it's kind of like... dependent on ignoring that hosf is a story with themes and not like, a plain account of events like you'd write to summarize actual occurrences

hosf talks about family. a lot. and it's clear the doykos family does not have a healthy dynamic. i'm sure you remember the line where ceylon says she and herman are "more like strangers living under the same roof." that's how herman treats cronin and schwarz as well, obviously.

so why does this mean they're siblings? ceylon, cronin, and schwarz are all foils to each other, and all their stories have something to say about the concept of family

herman plays identical roles in schwarz's and cronin's lives: he "saved" them and then used them as tools. it's established in hosf itself that herman treats cronin like a son enough that he thinks of herman as a father, but herman is still distant enough to cronin that cronin is left unsure if he's been mistaken all along. (i'm not going to take the time to explain the subtext wrt cronin because 1 i already wrote a whole article on that 2 this isnt about him) this is also his treatment towards ceylon, his biological daughter (this one's clearly in the text. "instead of father and daughter, we're more like strangers living under the same roof")

what's relevant here is that cronin is in the same position as schwarz wrt herman, and his descent into madness is, thematically, "what schwarz would've been if she hadn't resigned herself to her fate as a tool of the doykos family"

herman never called schwarz his daughter before the events of her oprec because that's the type of abuser herman is, his emotional manipulation of schwarz and cronin centers on being emotionally distant. it doesn't make sense to take one character out of a trio that are meant to reflect each other and say the way she's being abused by herman is the opposite of what's happening to the other two

you can clearly see this in schwarz's behavior. her oprec itself begins by showing you how much she won't let herself be anything but a servant to the doykoses, herman especially (we're shown how she sides with him over ceylon on the matter of publicly condemning cronin)

schwarz has been in siesta since she was 12, so almost 20 years. this isn't left over from when she was a child soldier or anything. it's clearly established that she hates her former 'employers' (I don't want to use the term in the original post, it's not inaccurate but it's uncomfortable for me) enough to seek them out and kill them. herman wanted her to have her current mindset. herman wanted her to see herself as only his servant.

nobody is saying herman is a good father to schwarz. "The Day We Left Home" (i'm using the title of her oprec here because it also implies a familial relationship, wow) is about the first steps in schwarz realizing she's been his daughter all along. this is obviously paralleling the events of hosf "shaking everything ceylon [thought] she [knew] about her family" (that's a direct quote from one of the cutscene blurbs from the game)

this should be clear, but i'm addressing someone who doesn't seem to be too good at reading past a literal level, so i'll say it anyway. obviously, herman is still abusive, he's just changed his methods from neglect to threatening suicide. and for god's sake, why would saying he's her abusive father be rude to victims of parental abuse? because they're not blood related? she's still not in his life by her own choice

tldr; herman is already portrayed as an abusive father to cronin and ceylon. clearly adding schwarz to that group isn't saying anything positive about herman's role in their lives, it's schwarz's first step in realizing she's been a person— not a tool— the whole time

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

He makes me livid! I get so mad!!! I don't understand him at all. He makes me go UGH but in bad ways.

I went off on him first before I realised what his problem was... Like total accusations and misfit drama. All paranoid loca. I don't give a shit.

I draw conclusions and those were the most obvious.

But when you know someone... You have to remember their stupidity. One time he confessed... And I already had decided to break up with him... I was all I'm waiting till his dad dies then I'm done. He's a good friend when he tries but he doesn't make me,a priority. And so I hadn't told him. I just tired of him,upsetting me so I had to remove me.

So he said he wouldn't do anything for his pain,then, he would take 2x his Percocet with 5 shots of tequila then treat me like shit.

I really hadnt noticed. I was all "oh he's just in his mood where he's decided I'm not important to him"

And true enough when he told me his dad died I walked away from our relationship.

But honestly ... Years later... I missed him.. Because he treated me best. Because I say I walked

I mean I left, completely.

But despite his faults he's always treated me best. I mean person to person. He didn't give me what I wanted from,the relationship. But as a low key friend, he understood me the most

He understood i was scared to go to sleep and he would stay on the phone and help,me,sleep so I could. No one else can do that. My daughter, if she was sleeping with me. I could listen to her breathe and I could fall asleep that way. Because it would calm my r breathing if she was sleeping that calm sleep,breath

But he knew all what to say. And I never had to tell him or even tell him I was afraid to sleep or even admit it to myself.

I hope this helps some of y'all that are anti medicine as well.

I don't like hospitals or doctors (I like my personal doctors But aside from them) in general. I'm afraid of them. They make me hostile. I feel like theyre some dangerous S&M dungeon

Go and wait for hours to get bad news then they don't give you what you need because you're so fucking exhausted they don't understand. Or don't care or are the ones that like to kill patients.

So I like my doctors although I have to wait for hours to see them past my appointment time, they take extra time to see me and cover what I think I need. Their quality is worth the wait. I have 3. Primary, Pain and Urgent Care. And I use the computer urgent care where I leave an online message after finishing a long ass quizz through the insurance website.

And whatever pills they give me, I Google to make sure they were right. They always are. Im also interested in what else the pills cover. Like i take 2 different anti seizure pills for pain and one also for insulin sensitivity increase and metabolic increase. And i take an antidepressant that also covers fibromyalgia.

I have 13 prescriptions. Monthly. Some I have to take more than once per day. Plus i take vitamins.

Then I Google the pharmacy pills to make sure the pharmacy was right.

So.

I get it. Sometimes I don't want to take 13 prescriptions more than once per day or even at all.

But we need to know what we are taking and why.

And why it is important.

And we need to take our medicine. So we can survive

I think this information is especially important during this epidemic.

Now realize that antibiotics are not useful on viruses unless the virus causes a bacterial infection. Like.

A cold is a virus but in some people like myself and used to in my daughter, causes a severe sinus infection which requires antibiotics.

I know the point at which we need antibiotics and so i go to my urgent care lady because she understands and we just do a walk in. And i don't overwhelm my doctor who is taking time to give quality care and has long waiting patients.

But otherwise a virus does not respond to antibiotics. And anti-virus medications are quite rare.

Flu shot... But not a cold shot..

So we take over the counter medicine for our symptoms. Like coughing and runny nose

Sinus pressure in the eyes, nose, teeth. Jaw.

If you have a tooth ache you can take sinus medicine. Because the worst tooth pain is actually in your sinus cavity! That's a secret trick. Works every time.

So basically anytime you have facial pain that doesn't respond to Tylenol or ibuprofen or alieve, you can take sinus medicine. Also ear pain.

Google sinus cavities in the face and you'll see why.

Now an ear and sinus infection is a bacteria, usually but usually our bodies can fight it Well without an anti biotic. As long as it is treated with over the counter medicine. But sometimes, like with myself and my daughter, sometimes an antibiotic is needed..but that is after at least a week to 10 days of serious green overflow that doesn't respond to over the counter medicine.

Sometimes the bacteria is lab revealed by terrorists during the "flu and cold season" to create an income for pharmaceutical companies. For my daughter and i, they're usually too strong for our immune system.

Although since my ex husband left town, my daughter's immune system has significantly became stronger. While mine has not. So she needs less antibiotics, than I do.

Otherwise, my body can fight it on its own with a few doses of otc.

I had a tooth pulled a few years ago.. It created a pathway to my sinuses. I could rinse water in my mouth and it would come out my nose. I saw an ear, nose and throat specialist whom said i needed surgery immediately to repair my nose.

I said no thank you mother fucker

I had to have clearance from my cardiologist. So i took a stress test and failed. So i had to have an ultra sound. It wasn't good. But they said I could have the surgery since it was simple.

I said that's cool, but I don't want to.

I haven't done it. So I get sinus infection and pain quite often. My bone structure in my nose is center in my right nostril. Meaning it's really fucking bad

From being punched in the face a lot. The surgery sounds fucking horrible. And it's a cosmetic change.

I'm all nope. I'm a single mom. She don't take good care of me. I'll drown in the blood sliding down the back of my throat.

The tooth removal was so bad... It was horrible. There was blood every where for days... I can only imagine the nose surgery would be the same

I also hate the smell of blood. So I'm like no. It sounds like the most miserable thing.

If I had someone to take care of me and baby me like a little blood soaked lamb in need of care... That's s different story.. But I don't have anyone that would take care of me

After my tooth... I was throwing up the blood and my kid just stood there and stared,. Which I wanted to hide it from her I was sick... But I was in the kitchen and began violently puking in the trash can... Scared her to death

"Mom I'm scared"

"I am, too. This has never happened before"

So yeah fuck that nose. I got one crooked fucking nose. And it makes me sick.

She wants me to have surgery so I'll quit snoring.

Well.

Ear plugs are at the Dollar Tree, babe.

So y'all take your pills that you need

Some one cares about you

And they don't want to slap your face off. But you'll drive them to it. And a crooked nose isnt all its cracked up to Be. It pretty much sucks.

I can't even blow it Like a normal person....

[frecht]

oh i never updated on this. so first of all it was supposed to be like an hour drive right. bc even though it's just 23 km/14 mi we had to go through the city center. but there was something deeply wrong with our bus driver (i dont think it was traffic bc we weren't really sitting still for a while?) and it ended up taking two and a half hours. this is longer than the bus ride to kilkenny was. and also id been planning to have french toast for breakfast that day so that id have protein in my stomach for the hike but there was a free yogurt event my friend & i went to instead (it was good yogurt). and i had fruit snacks w me but i ate them all on the 2.5 hr bus ride. wherein i also read a third of my book even though it was an ebook (smoke & mirrors by neil gaiman which i quite enjoyed). we got to the hike location like maybe 2:30? we were supposed to leave at 11 btw. we left at 11:45. and so then we take our hike which is maybe 5 miles? idk. it was very gorgeous + when i remember i'll post some photos. also the hike guide had two DOGS!!! an elderly irish setter and a silly little jack russell terrier. we finally finish the hike at like 5:30 (we started 2:45/3ish). at this point we are all starving bc we never had lunch and then went on a FIVE MILE HIKE. so everyone is hangry. and we get to the place and it really is givign me quite a bit of deja vu for doolin last year even though i had lunch that day. and i order my vegan burger bc there's nothing else i can eat. it arrives and it only kinda looks like an impossible burger so it's worth a try. despite this it still isnt looking so good bc all they put on top of it was some onions which i don't like. i take off the onions + put on my salad and i take a bite and it's an impossible burger. the tears simply start flowing. i hate it soo much when this happens and like last time it was bad but also i was with my mom but this time i was with 4 friends. and i can't control it and it makes me feel so awful. i take the salad back off the burger (it was a very paltry amount) and eat that and also eat my chips and some of my friend's chips as well bc she isnt going to finish them. but at least the hike was good. that night to fall asleep i started drafting a treatise against impossible burgers in my head. i hate them soo much. if everyone else can have multiple choices you need to have 2 veggie options as well. like why couldnt it be burger/fish and chips/vegan burger/salad. or burger/fish and chips/impossible burger/black bean burger. or whatever. UGHH it makes me so mad

ughhhh going on a hike w the study abroad program tomorrow & they're buying us lunch (yay!) but we have a menu of 3 items to choose from and the only one i can eat is "vegan burger & chips" with no description of whether it's an impossible burger or actually good

[midnightmisadventures]

Hi guys :( Someone play with love by harbour

Okay i took a mini nap during work today and suprisingly had an....intense dream.

Brb dick just texted...which is rare. Lmao

Okay so i was on a cruise, with erikka and lia and ia and erikkas friend shelsea? We all roomed together but the room didnt have a window or balcony. And we were doing things like getting food and chillin but it had been like two days, and i hadnt seen the ocean like, i hadnt been on the deck and saw the open air. And it seemed like no one wanted to go with me so i was kinda mad. So one night, i was just like fuck it im going myself. We are on a boat right? If i go up enough stairs/elevators Im gonna reach the deck and i know its night but i dont care i just wanna breathe and relax and feel like im on a cruise.

So then....erikka and shelsea come bumbling in through the door, drunk, theyd just been partying at the viking crown and i was mad because like??/ Why didnt they invite me, i wanted to party? But erikka was like "oh i just wanted alone time with my friend because i hadnt seen her in a while....you can go with lia" and like mad because lia didnt seem interested, she cant drink, can she even get in idk.

So i quickly go scope out the club and see if its worth going to by myself. And again everything felt so claustrophobic, it felt like an underground tunnel with no windows, small dance floor and it didnt seem lit. But i said to myself if lia wants to go and just get the experience of partying on a cruise, i'll take her, and i wont even drink.

So I'm heading back to our room which is on the 2nd floor. And im on some sort of "g" i guess? And suddenly the boat is like an insane maze, i keep going up stairs and ending up directly in peoples rooms. In their stuff afraid they are gonna find me and get mad. Like a mess, i cant seem to get it right and theres very little assurance that your even on floor 2. Like no signs. So i was getting frustrated.

I wasnt taking the elevator because its just the 2nd floor, but i found an entire lobby of elevators and decided it would be good becuase at least its confirmation that im going to floor 2 and it should take me to a common area on the floor.

So its like this seperate hallway where there is a bunch of detached elevators. Like you can see them all individually go up and down, like willy wonka.

So i go in the one closest to me, and was so relieved to just press 2. Like please take me to the 2nd floor ughhh. And as soon as i did that, it started sky rocketing to the top floor. And i was like "oh shit, it goes to the top and then comes back down to the other floors" which isnt fucking normal.

But now it was like this butterfly induced zoom up, and we picked someone up from the top and then a rollercoaster drop back down. All of a sudden it seemed like we were in the clouds and the elevator spit us out at "2"

I say spit because it doesnt give you a choice to stay on. And get this, when i was released onto "2" i was on this floating floam ring in the sky. Let me try to explain. You know that material that the ground is made up of in elementary school playgrounds? That floamy softish thing? Okay so that was the material of the gound. But it was just barely as wide as my body and wasnt even flat like it rounded on the edges. It was one big circle, and all the elevators just dropped you off here. "Apparently" if you tight-rope walked across the ring you would eventually reach the rooms of floor 2 and it could become normal. But that was the center and i was on the outer edge. And it was such a trippy dream scape because above was clouds, below was clouds. We were in the middle of the fucking sky and it would be FUCKING impossible to keep your balance all the way to the rooms. Also just existing i was scared out of my mind. Like everyone is pretty much on their hands and knees. Including me, and you needed to get up and walk to get there like you couldnt crawl.

It was so small and insecure that even moving a little bit felt like guarenteed i would fall off. 100% gurantee. I saw some people, very few people, actually putting one foot in front of the other and doing the walk. Idk how they even stood up like how the fuck do you keep your footing. And other people were just falling off the edge on purpose. As i started looking down i realized there was a net to land in, far far FAR down. But it was swinging like a pendulum so you'd even have to time it right so youd land in it, otherwise...death? idk it was bonkers.

So...everything scared me. I started with "dont be a pussy, just stand up and try to make it to the rooms, you always hate people on the challenge who dont try" then i said fuck that, and looked down and was like "dont be a pussy just time it, you can do this, other people are doing it, this is impossible you HAVE to fall" But both ideas were terrifiying. So much so that my last mood was just mad, like i started panicking and spiraling. Like "why would they put us up this high, we are unbelievbly high, im going to die, im so sad, im so angry, im so terrified, im RIDICUOUSLY scared and no matter what i do i cant get out, why did i take that stupid elevator, why did i leave our fucking room"

Somewhere in there, some part of me realized it, ur right bish theres no way this can be real it doesnt make any physically sense....so its probably a dream. But that didnt change my feelings of anguish at all. Even after considering it was a dream i was like i still have to fall and thats so scary but....at least i know i wont die?

pt 2 next