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hunterofthemist · 3 years ago

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Strength of the Meek

Carrying a paper bag Dave walks into the cafeteria. He looks around the room and sees Kotzal waving him over. He walks over to him and sits down with Kotzal at a noticeably empty table.

"Hey Dave, how are you?" Kotzal asks with a grin. "You dont have to rub it in, I had no idea you were a natural," Dave grumbles.

"It's just that when you showed me the rules I realized how similar they were to a game I used to play on Geon. Thrum If I remember correctly." Kotzal and dave talk for some time, the topic changes quickly from poker to physical ability.

"How strong are humans anyway? I've seen your movies but you said they aren't a good representation of human strength." Kotzal asks intrigued.

"Were strong enough. Enough to take down something bigger than us, at least with some planning that is." Dave answers. "I mean back when humans still dwelled in caves we took down wooly mammoths, which were beasts around three times the size of a human."

"Oh, I didn't know that. It's pretty impressive to hear." Kotzal says more than intrigued at this point.

"What about when a human has to do something impossible, just to keep the ones they care about alive. What do you do then?" He asks, his face getting a bit more solemn.

"We push on, do whatever it takes, even if it means we tear ourselves apart doing so," Dave says with a look of sincerity. He then breaks the look and smiles warmly. "What's got you asking a question like that?"

Kotzal laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head. "I dont know, I just heard stories over the Ether."

The conversation ends as the buzzer goes off on everyone's watch. "Shit thought we had more time for lunch break. That blows." Dave sighs.

Dave and Kotzal start walking down a hallway towards their respective stations. Halfway towards Dave's station, the alarm sounds, as well as an explosion in a nearby hallway.

"What was that!" Kotzal panics, immediately hiding behind dave and shaking. Dave reacts accordingly, not to the explosion but to Kotzal hiding behind him. "Woah dude, you good?"

"Oh sorry, my species is a prey species on my home planet. We get jumpy when stuff like this happens."

Dave chuckles at the thought, "you know if you did this around the others im pretty sure they wouldn't be able to see you." His attention focuses back on the sound. " We should go check out what happened, we're engineers after all."

Kotzal steps out from behind dave nervously and agrees. They walk down the hallway towards the commotion. Smoke billows out of the walls, embers pour out of the holes as well.

A hulking beast pulls its way out of the hole, it had to be around 8 and a half feet tall. Just as dave gets a look at it, several more come out of the walls. Kotzal grabs dave and pulls him around the corner, away from the beasts.

"Get down! Those are Tarvok pirates. We need to go, we do Not want to pick a fight with those." Kotzal is freaking out, likely having a panic attack. He tries to pull Dave with him. Dave doesn't budge, instead, he stares at the wall and puts his hand on it. "I cant."

Kotzal gets more anxious and frenzied, pulling harder on Dave. "No We have to go, David dont do this." In response, Dave grins and puts his head on the cold metal wall. "I said I cant, This station is my baby. I've fixed her more than anyone else. I can't leave her."

Dave turns to Kotzal and continues. "Not to mention the number of people these guys could hurt. You know how far the nearest guard post is, and how understaffed it is. If I turn tail and run countless people will die. But If I distract them, buy us some time. Maybe I can save a few lives."

"But you'll die! You'll get killed, I can't have you do that. I can't lose you, You're the only one who even respects me, let alone is nice to me." He says as tears start to form in his four eyes.

Daves grin breaks and he pulls Kotzal into a hug, Kotzal's small stature causing him to look like a small child not wanting their parent to leave. "That's not happening. I ain't gonna die." Dave thinks for a moment and goes on. "How about you help me, I dont buy this scared child Schtick. There's something there, something strong. I can see that."

Dave breaks the hug and pulls a knife from his belt, and hands it over to him. Kotzal stares at the blade for a second and takes the knife and nods in agreement. "Use your speed and stature to your advantage. there's a lot of smoke, try to use that."

Dave and total talk for a minute discussing plans and strategies after they're done he grabs a pipe on the wall and rips it off, but not before speaking to the station itself. "Sorry about this."

Walking around the corner Dave bangs the pipe on the wall, getting the army of Tarvok's attention. "Hey you brutes, eyes on me." He says, resting the pipe on his shoulder.

One of the Tarvok's starts walking over to Dave with a look of hunger and anger. Dave grins, this being a part of his plan, and stomps on a jagged and sharp piece of metal, launching it into the air. To which Kotzal leaves cover from behind Dave and grabs the piece of metal and throws it into the eye of the Tarvok.

"See, I told you no one would be able to see you back there." Dave jokes. He takes a step forward and inspects the now corpse of the Tarvok. "Oh damn, straight into the eye." Kotzal meekly responds to the compliment. "Thanks, it was heavier than Im used to so I didn't think it hit where I wanted to."

"You're a good shot, keep it up." Dave compliments. For a split second, Dave swore he could see Kotzal's cheeks turn blue.

Dave starts walking forward towards the rest of the army, beckoning them to come to fight him. One soldier takes a step forward to fight. The hulking beast throws a punch towards Dave but he sides steps it and slams his weapon into a pipe next to the Tarvok.

The soldier notices this and started to laugh but a second later the pipe bursts and hot steam starts to burn the soldier and causing it to fall to the floor.

The next one rushes Dave and throws a punch at him, he absorbs the blow into his shoulder and uses the force to spin himself around and slam the pipe into the soldier's skull.

At the display of force, the rest of the Tarvok's take a step back from the carnage. "Hey Kotzal, I think I fucked my shoulder up. It's your turn. " Dave says quietly so the brutes in front of them won't hear. "Yeah, let's do it." He responds, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Dave starts to run towards the group of Tarvok's with Kotzal following. Before he gets too close he ducks down and arches his back and Kotzal jumps off his back and launches himself toward the enemy.

With one hand he throws a sharp piece of metal in the neck of one of the soldiers and with the other he stabs another with the knife Dave gave him.

The last one is in front of them, he's bigger than the rest. Probably the leader. "Let me handle this one," Dave says as he blocks Kotzal from moving forward with the pipe.

Looking at the pipe in his hand, Dave realizes that the pipe is way too damaged to continue to be useful. He takes a step forward and throws the thing as hard as he can. The pipe flies through the air and when it's about to hit, the leader catches it.

As soon as he threw the pipe Dave started running towards the beast but only noticed that he caught the pipe when he was too close to do anything. The Leader propels his knee into Daves's gut, the spike on it spearing into dave.

"Oh fuck!" He screams as the spike goes through him. He falls back and tries to stop the bleeding. Another scream is heard, not of pain but rage. "You Fucker!" It's Kotzal, with the look of pure rage in his eyes.

"I'll kill you!" He screams as he starts running towards him. As he reaches him he jumps at the leader to get a clear shot at him. In retaliation, the Tarvok grabs him by the neck and holds him in the air. Kotzal doesn't seem to notice, the anger blinding him. He starts slashing wildly at the beast in front of him, a good majority hitting their targets.

Kotzal gets a good stab into the arm of the beast holding him, causing him to be dropped.

While on the ground he stabs the blade into the back of the knee of the Tarvok leader making him fall to his knees, lining him up for a stab to the side of his head, killing him.

He keeps stabbing the now dead Tarvok, more out of rage than him being unsure he's dead. After a few dozen stabs he stops and takes a second to breathe and remembers Dave. He turns around and sprints towards Dave.

He starts trying to help him staunch the bleeding and stabilize him. "No, no-no-no. Dont do this, you cant." He starts tearing up trying to help him.

"It's okay, you did well. Didn't expect the fucker to catch the pipe. I think this is it" Dave says as he rests on the wall, trying to do whatever he can to stop the bleeding.

"Dont say that! You'll be fine, I know what im doing. I can help you." Kotzal says frantically.

Dave looks at him and puts his bloodied hand on his shoulder. "You can't save me, an injury like this is impossible to fix up."

"Shut up!" Kotzals shouts as he slaps dave. "We aren't in the medical dark ages, You know how strong modern medicine is." a grin forms on Daves face as he shrugs. "Whatever you say," he says as his vision fades to black and passes out.

Daves eyes open and the bright light blinds him, "hey your awake." a familiar voice says. His eyes adjust to the light and he sees that Kotzal is sitting on the chair next to his bed.

Dave groans in pain as he tries to sit up. Kotzal puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him. "Dumbass, you can adjust the bed." He laughs, handing him the switch.

"How long was I out?" He asks as he raises the head of his bed. "About two days. You had us worried for a little while." Kotzal responds with a smile.

"You can't kill me that easily, its gonna take a lot more than that, I still have work to do here." He smiles back.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Kotzal asks. "The engines been making a thunking noise for the past week, I still figure out what the hell the problem is." They both start laughing for a minute and after they stop a silence is formed between them, which is promptly broken ten seconds later by dave. "Hey after they discharge me, do you wanna go to the bar and get a few drinks? I'll buy."

"Sure thing, I'd love to."

#Aliens #humans are terrifying #humans are space orcs #writing #MY OCs #my wrtiting #oc #oc character #frienship #sci-fi #writerscommunity

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spectracully · 4 years ago

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crash the crush.

pairings : senior student!xiaojun x sophomore student!reader warnings : profanity, underage drinking, mentions of drugs genre : fluff, a bit of crack? highschool!au word count : 4.3k

summary : what are the odds of crashing into your crush during the neighborhood-friendly run and mutual friends party?

You were pissed off when your mum said you need to work your lazy ass off. Well, if it's on the summer break, you'll most likely agree with her. But it's only the weekend, and you've been studying your ass off these days. A lazy weekend is something you earned, but your mum decided to rain on your lazy parade.

With all those groans and deep sighs, you storm off your house wearing your workout gear. Not much, only a windbreaker jacket paired with shorts and running shoes. Popping your airpods on both of your ears to blast some jams, you take some light jogging steps on your neighborhood. It's only 4.30 pm, and kinda windy, why the fuck are you doing this? That's right, because mum literally compared you to your neighbor's daughter, Giselle, who recently won a karate tournament. Now mum won't even shut up how much she wants an active daughter, not the lazy one. Yikes.

Back to the streets by Saweetie & Jhene Aiko plays, and you hear a message notification on your airpods. Still on your light jogs, you glance at the notification.

yeri<3 : yo yeri<3 : wyd

You stop jogging for a while to write your bestfriend back. It's saturday, she's probably asking you to hangout along with the gang. Yeri gets easily bored at home and in constant need of hanging out.

y/n : running 💃 💃 💃 y/n : mum said i need to be giselle

You continue your pace while waiting for her reply. You can see your neighborhood clearly now, seeing the details, since you always go to school in a sleepy state, not really noticing the environment, and also going home from school mostly sleeping in your brother's car.

The notification rings again. It must be Yeri.

yeri<3 : bitch thats a dancing emoji yeri<3 : running in a weather like this? yeri<3 : damn straight u wanna be giselle

You chuckle as you’re about to type the messages once more, the weather is fine, what the hell is she talking about? But then Yeri is still typing.

yeri<3 : n e ways yeri<3 : party at lucas' 8pm yeri<3 : be there or be fucking square 💀 💀 💀

You sigh. There she goes. No other option than tag along with her, but it's not like you hate it anyway. Lucas' party is always awesome, you and your friends also will get a VIP pass because he's a good friend of yours too, despite the fact that you're not even in the same grade as him, he's one year above you and Yeri.

y/n : weather is nice dont jinx it y/n : fine but pick me up y/n : cuz doyoung won't let me drive his car

You send the messages to Yeri to prove her the weather is fine, and indicates that you agree to go to Lucas' house tonight, it's a great night to probably get wasted after all those tiring run mum decided to toss on you. It's gonna be fun, anyways. But the thing about hanging out with Lucas and his senior friends.. You might've developed a big fat crush with one of Lucas' closest friends, Xiaojun.

You barely had an interaction with him, though, because he's usually the quiet and calm one in Lucas' closest friends group. Lucas himself is already so fucking loud, not to mention Hendery, the good-looking clown and moodmaker. There's also Jungwoo, the one who looks very calm but actually won't shut up once you talk to him. Mark too, the giggly one with some lame jokes. Well, going to Lucas' party tonight means you can see Xiaojun, probably getting the chances that you'll have some interaction over some boozes or something is also quite high.

After feeling all warmed up, you decide to give yourself a run around the block. Yeri's right, it's a funny weather to run. It's windy, but the more you stay outside, the cloud is getting darker and darker. You also knew that you're not really alone, who's doing this athletic bullshit in this kind of weather, you noticed that a boy is also doing this silly run when you were typing messages to Yeri. Probably just another neighbor's child being scolded by his mum of how Giselle is so athletic that his mum also wants an active son? Welp, you didn't see his face anyway, you were glued to the phone when you saw the figure running from the side.

It's not even a minute after you started running, Yeri already replied again. Is she really that bored that she doesn't have anything to do?

yeri<3 : ok i'll pick u up at 7 yeri<3 : um.. its fucking raining, y/n yeri<3 : go home and take a shower yeri<3 : pick ur clothes and put on some makeup instead yeri<3 : its saturday night, activate your hoe protocol yeri<3 : mr xiaojun is going to be there tonight

You stop running and stare at her messages. Raining? Is she drunk or what? It's not even 5pm yet and here she is, hallucinating-

Oop. There it goes. You feel some water drops on your head. Your hand. It was slow at first, but then the raindrops are getting harder and harder, it's pouring.

"Motherfu-" you let out a curse, you should've trusted Yeri on this. As an intuitive homo sapiens with XX chromosomes, you scan through the streets, looking for some shelter to wait the rain to stop. Spotting a bus stop with a large steel canopy, you run like your life depended on it, avoiding the rain.

Finally arriving, you sigh and sit on the installed chair, typing messages to Yeri.

y/n : omg bitch ur right its raining y/n : should've pretended im dead in my room so mum wont bug me y/n : u know what after the rain ends im gonna sprint back home and take a fucking shower y/n : the universe doesnt like it when im trying to be giselle, it gave me rain instead

You sigh as you shuffle through your playlist, looking for some fun jams to pass your time through the rain, when somebody suddenly approaches you.

"Hi, do you mind if I take a seat here?" a boy asks, pointing to the chair next to you. You look up, and suddenly the next thing you wanna do is ascend your soul the fuck out of your body to the sky.

Oh boy. It's Xiaojun. The boy you won't shut up about. He’s wearing a white loose tank and grey sweatpants, drenched in his own sweat. Oh god. This is truly an attack for you. What the fuck is he doing here? And why must you meet him at your mess like being all salty because of those running fiasco and the rain? While wearing your not-so-fashionable workout gear and not-so-tidy ponytails? Oh god.

You can feel your heart is about to explode when you realize that he is actually the person who is also doing the stupid running at this very weather, you just didn't notice it sooner because you were on your damn phone. Damn, mum was right, everything happened because you were always on your damn phone.

"No, of course! Take a seat!" you answer him, trying your best to crack your sweetest smile although it's more like sweatiest not sweetest.

He smiles back at you, taking a seat next to you, then his eyes get back to his phone, completely glued. Damn this is the only cardio that is worth it, no running, no jumping, no huff that huff this, only sitting next to Xiaojun on a rainy day on a bus stop. Wonderful.

You quickly whip up the messaging app to type all kinds of gibberish and send it to Yeri. She knows what shit is about to go down when you speak gibberish to her.

y/n : FUCKJSHSJJSKSJK YERI y/n : OH MY FUCKING GOD SJSGSJSHSKJSK

Lucky you, Yeri has nothing to do than respond to your messages, she stays put on the chat room.

yeri<3 : OMG BITCH WHAT yeri<3 : SKSHSJJSKS YOU SCARED ME

y/n : HE's FUCKING HERE AHSJSHSJEK

yeri<3 : OMG WHOS HE?? yeri<3 : THE DEVIL??? IS HE GONNA TAKE UR SOUL? SKEJSJKSKSK

y/n : XIAOJUN y/n : TURNS OUT HE ALSO LIVES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD

yeri<3 : ASKJSJSKSK WHAT yeri<3 : HOW

y/n : KAHSKSJKS omg bitch y/n : i was sheltering myself from the goddamn rain y/n : im in bus stop rn y/n : this angel came to accompany me y/n : HE WAS RUNNING TOO OMG y/n : omg yeri just so u know if im not there when u pick me up y/n : its bc im in church getting married with my man xiaojun

yeri<3 : BITCH OMG SKSKSKSKK yeri<3 : GET MARRIED RN yeri<3 : WAIT dont waste the chance yeri<3 : talk to him rn!!!

You swear you're about to scream when Yeri sends that. She was actually right, this is your chance to talk to him, considering that you didn't really interact that much with him. But really? He didn't even say a word when he sat, probably didn't even remember your name? The disappointment slowly gets into your head.

You freeze on the spot. torn between wanting to talk to him and just let it slide, you'll see him again tonight as Lucas' house, right?

Just when you decide to give up and not say a word, he turns his head to you.

"Hey, I didn't know you live in this neighborhood too," he starts.

Oh god. If every time your heart beats fast you get a dollar, you'd probably have your own private island by now.

You try to play it cool when actually on the inside you wanna scream I LIKE YOU to his face rn. "Oh? Oh yes, my house is number 13." you answer calmly,

He cracks a smile, “13? You’re Doyoung’s little sister?”

Oh god. What the fuck is this clownery? He knows Doyoung? Why and how? At this rate you just wanna evaporate to the rain, what if Doyoung actually knows that you liked Xiaojun and he spills it? Oh god.

You smile back at him, holding the panic you’ve been keeping since he mentioned Doyoung’s name. “Yep. I’m his sister.”

“Oh god, why didn’t I notice that earlier? I could’ve taken care of you at school!” he exclaims, and you sure you just wanna evaporate to the rain. Him? Taking care of you at school? YES PLEASE!

You let out a small giggle, trying to be as calm as possible when in reality you’re very sure you just wanna melt like a goddamn popsicle on a hot summer day. “So, how do you know my brother, actually?”

He laughs a bit, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. Oh god, he’s just so beautiful. “Well.. Doyoung and I used to be a dynamic duo in the school's choir, until he graduated.”

Oh, that. Doyoung is pretty serious about his career in the school’s choir, but you did not expect that Xiaojun is actually a part of it. Of course, he has the face of an angel, the voice is included.

“Now I know why Doyoung never let me come to his house. Turns out he has a cute- I mean, h-he has a sister, and that’s you! M-Maybe he’s afraid I’ll bother you or s-something.” he continues, stuttering a bit, and letting out an awkward laugh. You laugh again, feeling the blood rushing to your cheeks that you can’t hide no more. DID HE JUST SAY DOYOUNG HAS A CUTE SISTER? DID HE JUST SAY YOU’RE CUTE? DID HE-

But then, good things always come to an end. The goddamn rain stops. Oh fuck, no more chitter chatter with the dear crush. Just when it is the fucking time you need to hear the goddamn wedding bells, the rain decided to stop on your rain parade. Fuck.

He looks up, and seems like noticing the rain has stopped. “Well, Y/n. Lucas is having a party tonight, are you coming?”

You can feel your cheeks are still heating from his words, you shyly nod to him. Welp, maybe the rain has stopped, but this stupid crush? No. It goes on. Very much.

He stands up, straightening his white loose tank, getting ready to probably sprint back home. “Okay. See you tonight then, I’m going home. Have a good run!” he says as he walks away from the bus stop, leaving you dumbfounded. And lovestruck. That’s a win, alright.

Xiaojun slowly fades away from your view, and you’re still drowning on your pool of love. Yep, that’s it. You can’t even hold it, you quickly dial Yeri’s number to break out the news.

“What is it, Y/n? You literally left me on read for like 14 minutes straight and now you-”

“YERI LISTEN I’M GETTING MARRIED TONIGHT AND THAT’S A FUCKING FACT!” you shout to the phone, you can picture Yeri is probably goggling out her eyes right now.

“Girl, just because Xiaojun just asked you why the fuck were you running at times like this it doesn’t mean-”

“HE CALLED ME CUTE!” you blurted out,cutting her sentences for the second time,

“-you’re getting married- WHAT?? HE CALLED YOU WHAT?” Yeri yelled from the phone, now it’s pretty clear that Yeri is probably jumping her ass off right now.

You sprint your way to home, while holding your phone to your ears, continuing to give Yeri the details about the bus stop conversation you had earlier. Now she’s just yelling at you to pick the right dress and pamper yourself up, the probability you’ll marry Xiaojun at Lucas’ party is increasing. Sure it does.

-------

It’s 11.28 PM, 3 hours and a half since you and Yeri just arrived at Lucas’ house, escaping from Doyoung’s warning to you, to get back in one piece, and most importantly, sober. As if you’re gonna leave Lucas’ house sober, that’s funny, alright. You and Yeri were greeted by Yangyang and Donghyuck, who are currently setting up the table for snacks and drinks. That was probably the first time you saw Donghyuck ever setting up something, because if not, Jungwoo would’ve set his ass on fire.

The party madness has started, seems like everybody already has enough alcohol running on their system. Lucas is already losing his shirt and starts twerking in the middle of his house along with Jaemin and Jungwoo. Ah yes, the thot trio already started their thing, and all you have to do is just stay back and avoid getting dragged to the dance mess, because the chance of Jungwoo and Jaemin will start grinding at you is kinda high right now.. Considering their.. Twerking fiasco.

You sit back on the couch and watch your friends getting crazy over the playlist Yangyang made just for this event, sipping on your cocktails that Donghyuck put god-knows-what in it, he said it’s just cherry juice mixed with gin and brandy, but somehow it tastes kinda citrusy. You glance to the right, only to see Yeri making out with some random guy (probably one of Lucas’ friends named Changbin but oh well, that’s Yeri’s business).

Slightly grossed out and sad because apparently you’re not making out with Xiaojun right now, you make your way to the patio, and find the crowd that circle around a spinning bottle. Interested, you join Jeno, Mark, Renjun, Yeji, Hyunjin, Sungchan, Karina, Vernon, Hendery, and of course, the (hottest) most important person right now, Xiaojun.

“Welcome! As a newly joined member.. Truth or dare?” Jeno greets you as you take a seat between Mark and Sungchan. Well, you’d love to sit beside Xiaojun, but apparently, that seat is already taken by Hendery and Vernon.

You silently glance at Xiaojun, who is wearing a denim jacket with light-yellow knit top underneath, paired with white trousers. Damn, he looks so damn good that you wanna cry a river.

Your head comes back to the question Jeno asked. Today’s your day, be bold or bald. It’s time. “Well, I’m not gonna put my drunk antics to waste. Dare then.” you answer boldly, earning a few ‘ooooh’s from your friends.

Jeno snickers. Well, fuck. Guess you’re a bit too damn bold tonight, the realization suddenly hits you like a fucking trainwreck, Jeno is kinda extreme for games like this. Wrong choice, y/n. You gulp as you wait for Jeno to come up with something.

“I dare you to kiss Xiaojun!” Jeno exclaims, clapping both of his hands like a goddamn happy seal. Mark and Hendery are high-fiving right now, throwing whistles around Xiaojun, who is silent as a fucking rock.

Oh god. Things you’ve said about not putting your drunk antics to waste should’ve stayed in that goddamn draft. This is where Jeno takes you, even though you’re secretly happy that you finally get to kiss your goddamn crush, that shit is EMBARRASSING. If you wanna evaporate to the waters, then it’s probably the right time to do it.

But why Xiaojun though? Is your big fat crush on him too obvious?

You freeze on the spot as you awkwardly smile and stare at Jeno. This shit can’t be real. Jeno is goddamn crazy. You can feel the air is getting hot, whether it’s because the alcohol starts kicking in, or just because the blood is rushing through your head.

“Scared, aren’t you?” Jeno taunts you, sipping his beer as the rest of the group laugh except you and Xiaojun, who is currently staring at you with a questionable expression. Is he pleased? Or is he pissed? Oh god.

“I-I’m not!” you answer him, leaning to Xiaojun, gulping once more before asking him, “You’re okay with this though?”

Xiaojun smirks, “How can I say no to you?” he asks back, accompanied by a few ‘ayyy~’ from the boys, sending butterflies to your stomach. Your face is probably as red as a tomato by now.

Good god. Is this the same Xiaojun who is quiet, calm, and collected among his friends? Why suddenly he is so bold? Oh, he’s probably just drunk and won’t remember this kiss anyway.. You lean closer to him, closing the gap between his face and yours by sealing the kiss. His lips are soft yet firm, almost like a grape jelly you had earlier this afternoon, with a hint of vodka, of course.

After a few seconds, you finally pull out and linger your eyes on him. It’s beautiful, and mesmerizing. You just wish that you can see it again, and only for you, no one else. As you get back to your seat, you take one more last glance at him, that is currently also glancing at you, with his cheeks red.

Okay. You definitely heard the wedding bells, thanks Jeno. That’s probably one of your dreams, and thanks to Jeno, it came true. But unfortunately, Xiaojun probably won’t feel the same, or worse, he’ll probably forget about it tomorrow.

Everyone claps, exchanging happy exclaims and cheers as if you just said ‘I do’ to Xiaojun lol, when in reality, you were just doing the dare Jeno gave you. You gulp bitterly as the game goes on and on.

-----

It’s an hour past midnight, 1.12 AM to be exact. Thank god you’re not that shitfaced, but Yeri is. She is not even capable of doing anything anymore except being all smiley and shit, Changbin already drove her home like fifteen minutes ago, leaving you behind in Lucas’ lair. You suddenly felt the urge to thank god that Yeri made a fantastic decision last minute before picking you up, she used a taxi instead of driving. If she hadn’t, you’re probably stuck driving her home right now.

You scan through the house while leaning through the stair railings, looking for an easy target to get a free ride. Finally spotted your friends, you now have 3 choices : Donghyuck (who is currently seducing some random girl), Yangyang (who is now playing mobile games with Jaemin and Chenle), or Mark (who recently just hit a goddamn blunt, but he’s very capable to drive).

You sip your glass of water, making up your mind for your ride home. But then, suddenly someone taps on your shoulder.

“Do you wanna go home? Like, right now? I can drive you- I mean, our house is like, near.” you hear Xiaojun speaking to you, holding his car keys on his left hand.

Good gracious, is this even real? Like, Xiaojun, is actually asking you to go home with him? Is this real? Or are you just hallucinating from the goddamn weed you take 10 minutes ago from Lucas?

You stare at him blankly. He bit his lip, “I mean- If you wanna stay longer- or probably-”

“Yes, of course! Let’s go.” you smile at him, cutting off his words.

3 times in a day. Good job, Y/n! The wedding is up ahead!

He smiles and gives you a gesture, “Ladies first.”

The drive is not as awkward as you thought. Turns out, Xiaojun is full of surprise though, you nearly choked when he said he once formally apologized to Doyoung before he stood up to defend the dignity of Mint Chocolate Chip flavored ice cream. It’s delightful to find out that he has similar tastes as you, from ice cream flavor to music and school subjects.

Xiaojun also told you the reason why he was on the run earlier, he was bored. Damn, look at it, the difference between a forced daughter whose mum wants an active child, and a bored model-student. He said he didn’t expect to see you because he was embarrassed, he was drenched in sweat.

You can feel the butterflies on your stomach grow wilder and wilder from every word he said, or maybe it’s just the way he smiles when he talks to you? Welp, if it’s anything to do with Xiaojun, you’ll most likely get butterflies.

Just when you thought he was drunk, he is not. He’s capable of driving you home and carrying on some fun convos, also remembering little things. So.. perhaps, he is not going to forget the kiss you shared because of Jeno’s dare?

As you keep on exchanging conversation with him, suddenly it’s time to get off his car and get back to your house, get ready to deal with Doyoung’s nags and scolds for getting home this late.

You giggle as you take the seat belt off, smiling at the brown haired boy.

“Thank you for driving me home, Xiaojun. It was fun.” you say to him, waving him goodbye as you open the door. He smiles and waves back at you.

Just when you’re about to open the gate of your house, you hear the sound of slamming car doors. You turn around and see Xiaojun standing in front of you, eyes sparkling like a goddamn star. Unfortunately, it’s not Christmas.. If it is, all you want for Christmas is to stare at Xiaojun’s beautiful eyes all day, and probably get married to him.

“Um.. Y/n.. I don’t know how to say this but.. The kiss you gave me earlier, it’s kinda..” he starts, smiling sheepishly.

Oh god, what now? It’s kinda what? Gross? You swear you’ll kill Jeno if you hear that from Xiaojun.

You gaze at him as you wait for him to complete his sentences.

“It’s kinda.. Making me feel.. Things.” he finally continues, rubbing the back of his neck while looking away from you, flustered. It’s pretty cute.

You giggle at him a little, the butterflies come back, or maybe they never even left?

“Don’t laugh, Y/n. I’m being honest, I was pretty embarrassed to run into you during sheltering, and now you’re laughing at me for-”

You let out a big laugh before you pull him to another kiss. This one is a bit longer, more passionate and intimate, unlike the one you had before. He cups your cheek as you feel him smiling during the kiss.

“I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy- but your fast typing was very.. Intriguing.. I might’ve seen you texting Yeri at the bus stop.” he giggles after you pull out from the kiss.

Yikes. You feel like you’re about to burst now. He saw you texting Yeri? What kind of clownery is this? Did he see you typing- oh god, that’s too embarrassing to remember.

“No! That’s too embarrassing!” you cover your face, he laughs once more.

“Now, which church are we going to? I’m pretty sure you said we’re getting married tonight, right?” he takes your hands off your face, grinning widely.

You pout and lightly hit him, only to be attacked by his hugs a second later. Aww, finally, dreams do come true. You stay on his embrace for a few more minutes, no talking, just comfortable silence and realization that you’re on Xiaojun’s arms right now.

You glance at your watch, Doyoung would be furious by now. Telling him that you really have to go before Doyoung can rise from his sleep and beat your ass, you finally wave goodbye to him as he gets back to his car.

Finally entering the house, you’re greeted by Doyoung who’s standing in front of you, holding a bowl of salad on his right hand.

“So, kissing Xiaojun in front of my salad?” he raises his eyebrow.

You stick out your tongue as you make your way upstairs. Technically, not in front of Doyoung’s salad, because the door was closed. He’s probably looking through the window, such a nosy brother. You laugh at the thought of Doyoung getting furious while eating his salad as you get a message.

Xiaojun : so, see you at school? Xiaojun : can’t wait to hold your hand on monday ;)

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shadedrose01 · 4 years ago

Note

random prompt: harley in a tornado???? bro i need the angst

This is very very late, I'm so so sorry about that. But its finally here! I actually had to do research for this, because where I live I don't get any natural disasters (thankfully), so hopefully its accurate? Ish? But if it still isn't 100%, I'm sorry about that. Hope you can enjoy, anon!! 💗

Tw: an almost panic/anxiety attack. Stay safe yall

"-and it was crazy, cause he came out of nowhere, right?" He hears a hum across the line, soft and affirmative. "But then, all of a sudden, he just... turned into a frog."

The hum turns into a faint laugh, and Peter's heart sings. God he loves it when Harley laughs, soft and right from his chest. He loves him. "He turned into a frog?"

"Yeah!" Peter exclaims, leaning back in his swivel chair and glancing up at his ceiling, the popcorn texture staring back. The itch to pick it all off comes back, and he grumbles internally at being reminded of Aunt May refusing. "The magic man just- turned into a frog! I think he messed up his own spell or something, and it ended up going to him instead of me. And he looked at me, all sad afterwards, but I wasn't about to go kiss him back to normal."

Harley laughs again, brighter and closer to the mic this time, and Peter grins. "Only you, Pete. Only you."

It was a random day in the middle of fall when Harley had called him, sporadically, moaning about having so much homework and needing some background noise/entertainment to keep him going as he works through it. And Peter, having the Biggest crush known to human kind on the boy, couldn't refuse (like he ever would), choosing to tell the funniest, craziest Spider-Man stories he could remember to try and make Harley laugh. So far, he was 4 for 4, and beaming (and, if he silently hoped that Harley didn't call him just for entertainment, but to also hear his voice and be closer to him, too, well. That was just for him to know.)

Time to try 5 for 5.

Peter leans back forward again, glancing down at the phone thrown haphazardly on his desk with soft eyes, as if he were staring at Harley himself instead of a clear case surrounding a black electronic. "And then, maaybe a few months ago? There was this other villain, right? His name was The Prowler, gave me creepy "being stalked by a cheetah/owl hybrid" type of vibes, not a very cool dude. Anyways, so he was following me one day on patrol, as he tended to do, and I was just about to help some older lady-"

Suddenly, the faint scratching of a pencil on paper stops, and the other end of the line goes dead. Peter scooches towards the phone again, planting both feet onto the floor as he calls out, "Hello? Harley, you still there?"

There's a moment of silence, and he's about to check whether the call dropped (because that's happened, before, where the line had cut out mid conversation and Peter had taken way, way too long to notice), when Harley speaks back up again, sounding frazzled. "Yeah, yeah im- hold on a sec, Peter." And then there's loud shuffling, the sounds of someone picking up the phone and moving with it in their pocket, or their hand, and Peter tilts his head, listening closer as the sounds of more voices gets closer and closer, slightly staticed as if from a TV, until Harley asks, "Ma? Whats happening?" There's a moment, a sharp inhale. "Tornado warning? But we weren't under a watch-"

And Peter's stomach drops. "Harley?" He asks quietly, nervous, staring down at the phone with wide eyes, his stomach twisting into knots.

"Go to the basement, now." A feminine voice, soft and wispy, his mom, utters, and then there's more shuffling, more movement, the sound of footsteps heavy and paced, panting breaths.

Another shift. "Peter, I gotta go."

Harley sounds urgent, nervous, afraid, and Peter can't help but to pick up the phone, hold it up to his face as he asks, begs, "Harley, whats going on? Whats-"

"Theres a tornado, gonna hit soon, the service is gonna cut out." Harley shoots up rapidly, as a door slams shut in the background. "We're in the basement, we should be safe. I'll call you back after."

"Harley-"

"I love you."

The call clicks off, and Peter's left in silence.

Silence, and his racing thoughts, swirling in his head around and around, just enough to start a faint throbbing in the front of his mind. Silence, and his thumping heart, a racing horse rushing back the competitors as he tries to figure out what just happened.

Because so many things just happened.

He retraces his steps, starts from the beginning. Okay. Okay.

They were talking on the phone. Harley interrupted him, and went into the living room? Seemingly. Where he found out that there was a tornado on the way, oh god, and then they went into their basement to hide, oh no, and then-

And then he said that he loved him. Harley said that he loved him.

He hates how his mind wants to focus on that, out of everything, how selfish it is, before he pushes it away. He'll- He'll figure that out later, he's got- got to figure out a way to help, somehow.

But how? How can he help when he's across the country? How could he stop a natural disaster?

Before Peter realizes it, he's up and pacing around, rushing to one side of the room before pivoting and doing the same to the other, back and forth, back and forth, his thoughts running in circles.

He feels so helpless, right now. Helpless, knowing Harley and his mom, his sister, his family are huddled into a corner, holding each other, waiting, waiting for the tornado to strike, knowing he's there, without him, knowing- knowing there's nothing he can do, but to wait. Nothing but pace the floors, and wonder, ponder, think.

Harley, he said he loved him. Love, not past tense, he loves him. Did he- did he mean it in a friend way? He had to right? There's no way he means it in the other way, right? But- but why would he say it then, right before a tornado hits, right before he could get hurt, really hurt, right before he could-

No, he forces himself to think, grabbing onto his hair and tugging as his ribcage grabs at his lungs with its claw like talons and squeezes, roughly. No, he's not going to get hurt, he's not going to- to die.

But he could, a little voice in the back of his mind chips in, he could, and you'd never get to say it back. You'd never get to see him again.

Is the air getting thicker, or is it just him?

He claws at the front of his t-shirt and pulls it from his chest, gasping in breath after breath, just trying to keep breathing as his thoughts start to spiral, falling falling, down down down, swirling just like the spins of a tornado, coming to crash into his house and crush him, too, kill him, too, oh god-

And then his phone rings, vibrating in his hand, making him jump.

Before he can even blink, the phones up to his ear. "Harley?!?"

"We're okay!" Just hearing his voice, slightly out of breath and full of nerves, just like his, makes his shoulders sag back down, and makes his burning eyes squeeze shut as a rush of relief washes over him. "It was a small one, thankfully. A few people lost a few shingles, or their siding, maybe their fence, but nothing- nothing bad, nobody- everything is okay."

He doesn't know who Harley's trying to convince, himself or Peter, but either way, it works, the grip around his lungs easing quickly as his heart rate slowly lowers back to normal, as he silently gulps down air like its candy. "Okay," He croaks out, throat and voice raw from his almost attack. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," Harley murmurs, whispers after a moment of silence, of static across the line. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Peter unexpectedly bursts into chuckles, hysterical, rubbing at his cheeks and wiping away the liquid he didn't even know was there. "Please don't tell me you're apologizing for a tornado."

A pause, and a shift of fabric, as if Harley is shrugging. "It scared you."

"Scared you too." Peter rebuttals, leaning back against the wall next to him and slowly slipping onto the floor, pushing his legs close to him until he's curled into a ball, wrapping an arm around his knees. "You were the- the one actually experiencing it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah 'm good." Harley sighs, his voice trembling slightly. "This has happened before. Though I dont-" He chuckles, too, but its less hysterical, and much more dull, tired. "I don't remember much of it. I was pretty young, but I do know it was a lot worse than this."

Peter just hums, and then they're sitting in silence again. An awkward type of silence that they haven't experienced in months, having grown out of that phase of their friendship a long time ago. But suddenly, it feels like they're back at the beginning, and Peter couldn't understand why, until Harley spoke back up.

"You don't- uh," He sounds upset, low, and it makes Peter's heart ache, makes his body scream at him to make it better. "I'm- I'm sorry about what I said, uhm, before, too. It just kind of slipped, I-I know you dont- feel that way, I just-"

"Wait," Peter blinks down at the floor, and Harley goes quiet. Waits, like he asked. "You meant it? In a- a like, more than friends way?"

There's a moment, the air full of an electric charge, full of tension that Peter can't tell is good or bad, before Harley speaks back up, voice hush, shaky, scared, but honest, "Y-yeah? But I know you don't feel the same way, it's okay-"

"I do," Peter interrupts, and Harley goes silent, again. "I do, feel the same way."

"Oh."

Another pause, but one full of promise, this time, of thoughts racing, of faces flushing, of smiles growing on faces and hearts beginning to race. Of new beginnings in general.

And later, they're talk all of it through, the anxiety and fear still thrumming through Harleys veins, the feelings swirling around them, exactly what they are, now, now that the secret is out, now that they know.

But for now, they just breathe, together, and wonder where this new whirlwind will take them.

#parkner #harley keener #peter parker #parley #spiderlad #harley keener/peter parker #tornado #tw tornado #tornado tw #panic attack #panic attack tw #tw panic attack #i hate the ending of this but sofjkdkfkf #i also wrote it very fast so sorry its v sucky

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aftgficrec · 4 years ago

Note

Any fics or hcs of the minyards having long lost silblings or kids

Here you go, everything I could find where Andrew & Aaron have either a long-lost sibling or a kid! Please mind the trigger warnings, there is some dark stuff to be had, but also some cute kids who need their family - whether they know it or not. -F

Long lost sibling:

Aidan Minyard by OddlyBookish [Not Rated, 34564 words, Incomplete, Updated September 2020]

Andrew and Aaron find out they have a half brother named Aidan who's about to be put into Foster Care.

He ends up in Palmetto instead.

(tw: implied/referenced overdose, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced alcohol abuse, tw: implied/referenced vomit, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con)

Three Minyards Series by poly_pr1nce [Rated M, Last Updated May 2019, Locked]

Part 1: Blue eyes, blonde hair, 5'0 [M, 1946 Words, Incomplete]

OK so a while ago I saw a short fic where the Twinyards had a little sister called Alice niether of them knew about until she arrived with Wymack, and I decided to carry that on

(tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con)

Part 2: A promise is a promise [M, 2579, Words, Complete]

The day after the Foxes got to know Alice a little better, Andrew, Neil, Nicky and Kevin arrived at the court early. Nicky whined the entire way there, saying he needed his beauty sleep, while Kevin was silent and still half asleep. Beside Andrew, Neil was silent but in a different way. A way Andrew didn’t want to focus on because then he would feel again and he wasn’t having that.

(tw: implied/referenced rape/non con, tw: murder, tw: car crash)

counting sheep by pompy [Rated M, 2953 words, incomplete, last updated Feb 2019]

It hasn’t exactly been easy, finding out about her dead biological mother and her supposedly very much alive and breathing twin brothers. She knew absolutely nothing about them, and she wasn’t exactly sure if she even wanted to learn anything about them. Ever since she was a little girl, she accepted the fact that she had no family, no one to love and cherish her and that use to bother her but now.. It felt like that was just how life decided to treat her. Ava was fine with that. She was tired, tired of crying and tired of fighting.

Another Minyard by arguedontfight [Rated T, 55933 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2018]

"Over his shoulder Alice got a glance at her brothers. They both stared at her, Aaron with obvious confusion, Andrew with a blank stare. It wasn’t what she had hoped for. It was so much more. She had finally arrived."

Alice Minyard had always been a troubled kid. She grew up in foster care, not knowing who she was and who she was supposed to be. Everything she had was herself. Things change once she finds out that she has two brothers. Suddenly she has a family, suddenly she has a purpose. Alice decides to go and find these brothers, not really expecting anything but to finally have a family.

(tw: panic attacks, tw: choking, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: homophobia, tw: canon-typical violence, tw: implied/referenced human sacrifice, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced imprisonment, tw: stalking, tw: eating disorder)

Long lost kids:

The Before and After by 100GoldenUrns [Not Rated, 8694 words, Incomplete, Updated October 2020]

Andrew Minyard hates the idea of family. Family is rough hands taking him apart piece by piece, it’s destroying himself over and over again. When he meets Neil, he refuses to think of him as family. Then a girl shows up at the Tower. His daughter from a particularly terribly foster home, and the events succeeding lead Andrew to both recovery and finding a place within the Fox Family.

Alternatively: Andrew Minyard’s life before the Foxes and after Neil. From his childhood when he’s torn apart by selfish hands to his recovery and healing.

(tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: drug use, tw: drug addiction/withdrawal, tw: homophobia, tw: homophobic slurs, tw: blood/gore, tw: unwanted pregnancy, tw: csa, tw: body shaming)

Oblivion by jeanjosten [Rated T, 1801 words, Complete 2018]

From the Tumblr prompt: What if, and this is a dark thought, Andrew has a biological daughter from one of his experiences of sexual assault/rape as a teenager before Drake the “woman” who does it, drops the child at his feet and basically says “I dont want it.” And Andrew after all his fucked up past knows there’s no way he is letting something innocent, his blood and flesh, go through the foster system like he did so this is how Andrew has a five year old daughter.

(tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: child abuse, tw: child abandonment)

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apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years ago

Note

V’s Route but MC fell in love with Seven instead of V. What would it be like? What about twins reunion in this circumstances?

Ohh this is AMAZING and I love it, I actually wanted to write a fic about that lol (also I’m sorry it became like a whole fucking book at the end lmao)

Also I don’t know if it’s canon that he had feelings for the MC on V’s route and I accept it as canon because I like to suffer pft

Let’s assume this takes place in more than three days! And I added some bits of Saeran’s route too so you know, make it ✨DRAMATIC✨

First he’d be suspicious of you, but he doesn’t want to show it and I just ADORE that idea

Seven would joke around with the you while sneakily trying to figure out some info, but then you will turn it on him somehow, you will start to get serious and then BAM say it was a joke, or you’ll suddenly flirt with Seven which will make him go like ‘oh shit who gave you the right’

So the first days, you and Seven would probably joke around a lot in the chatrooms, at points you’d have serious talks.

I like to think that at one point Seven calls you when it’s late, and he starts talking about the stars, so you go out to your little balcony (lets just assume the room has a balcony lmao) and then you look up at the stars. And Seven gets super emotional but he can’t really explain why to you. But you don’t ask him to explain. You listen, and comfort him.

Then you will say something like at that one phone call “I want to grab all the stars from you” (not a direct quote) and Seven will be shocked and speechless. And that’s when he realizes. He’s in love with you.

But he knows that maybe V is falling a little for you too, he just doesn’t realize it yet. And V has done so much for him and Saeran, that he doesn’t want to intrude.

Besides, he doesn’t want you to get hurt. So he stops appearing in the chatroom so often and he never really answers your calls.

Then Ray took you to his room to take the elixir, and that’s when V came in like NO YOU DONT and it makes Ray break a bit.

But he breaks more when he figures out what’s happening. He’s heartbroken.

At one point he takes you out to the garden and tells you that he actually likes you a lot, and he holds you very close to his heart. And you reply that you too, but not in a romantic way, subtly rejecting his advances. Before you could explain to Ray, he runs away.

He’s never felt so much anger in his entire life.

Seriously he’s mad.

I mean, you’re the first person he has ever felt he actually loved...but you still chose that idiot over him!

He knows how much you like talking to him, he sees the little smile you make when you text him or call him, talking about spaceships and the stars, and who knows what else.

And at this makes him weak. Rika takes that chance to let Saeran out. He’s vulnerable and broken, and it’s the perfect chance.

Meanwhile V is trying to figure out how to get you out of there and Rika takes the chance that Saeran is making you weak to try and convince you to join Mint Eye.

She tells him to completely block your access, and, even if Saeran doesn’t want to, she forces him to bring you to her room.

There, she gives you a bit of food, and talks about her devil, but you keep defending V and the RFA. She tells you how she wants to make weak people happy, and how to get everyone in the RFA into Mint Eye.

You refuse, but Rika keeps trying to lure you in. At one point the two of you walk to the garden.

While you’re talking, you successfully do get some information out of her. Shes telling you a story about two boys, twins. They were from a broken family. Their dad wasn’t interested in them, wanted to ge them killed even, and their mom was an abusive alcoholic. One of them was strong, and the other one was a bit weaker. So once , when the strong one left, she took the weaker one, and made him the strongest.

You were...confused to say the least. And you were worried.

“So what happened to the two boys?” You asked.

But before Rika could answer a shadowy figure with mint colored hair made its way to you.

It was V.

Both Rika and V bickered for a while, but before you could pay attention to them you saw your phone blink. You quickly picked it up.

Seven.

“Hey, Y/N,.......stay right there. I managed....now I can track you......pleas....safe....”

“Seven?!” But before you could say anymore, the call ended. You looked up to see V being taken away by two men in cloaks.

“Wait! What do you even think you’re doing?!” You asked, but Rika glared at you and tightly grabbed your hand, leading you once again to her room.

You were extremely worried. And Rika hated it. She hated how you didn’t understand, how you couldn’t see her point of view. She was mad, but she was trying to keep her cool.

Until you stood up, and confidently asked her to take you to V.

She was outraged. How could you still believe in him, defend him, when this was all his fault?! Why can’t you see she’s in the right?!

When you got into the cell, you saw Saeran...or was it Ray?

He was...he was acting strangely. When he saw you he shoved you into the cage, and locked it, but his face was one of guilt.

“I....Y/N....I....I....” he panted, and he looked around the room anxiously.

He was having a panic attack.

“Hey, hey, Ray listen-”

“Don’t call me that!!! That weakling he’s...he’s dead!!!” But then he stopped and his eyes widened. “N-no...I...Y/N...how could I do this....? I....” before he could say anything he ran away.

Fuck.

When you turned around, you saw V was laying, a bit unconscious on the ground. You quickly ran over to him, and tried your best to take care of him. He was sweating like crazy, and his words were slurred, so you couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

After a few hours, you had fallen asleep, with V laying on your knees. You were finally getting some rest when....

“Y/N!!” Someone whispered (more like yelled.)

And you looked up.

Messy red hair....stripped glasses....that voice....

“S-Seven?!”

He nodded and looked over at V. He felt a pang in his chest as he saw how close you were, I mean he was laying on your lap. But he ignored it. He had to get the two of you out of there first.

Both of you helped getting V to stand up. Seven held V up, and told you to follow him.

But then you felt someone grab your hand, holding you tight and you yelped. Seven immediately turned, and put his hands in this pockets, ready to probably take out a weapon of some sort.

You struggled as you looked at the person who was holding you.

Ray.

“Y/N. Where are you going? Why are you with that...that traitor? You promised me you would never leave me, you said that you would never leave me!!”

“Saeran...Ray, please listen to me. This is not safe, Rika is using you, please come with us, you can finally get rest, you can be free and!” But Saeran held you tighter.

Seven almost dropped V. He looked at Saeran up and down, his face filled with shock.

“Sae....ran...? Did they call you Saeran...?”

“My my. This isn’t how I intended your reunion to go. Now look what you’ve done V. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” A sinister voice said behind Saeran.

Seven became even more pale. “Ri....ka...? But...V said....you’re supposed to....”

“I see you’ve fallen for all his lies Saeyoung. Well, this just makes things easy for me. V lied about everything, about me, about Saeran. Do you know see him for what he is?? A liar. He didn’t want me, to be happy, to help others become happy, his love shone so bright, that it burned me. He didn’t want to love me, all of me! V is a traitor, and now I’ve come to take you out of that hell and bring you to paradise...!”

Saeyoung (?) looked at V. And then at Rika. And then at V once again. He...he didn’t know what to believe anymore...what the fuck was going on??

Then, V stirred and slowly looked up towards Rika.

“Rika....I’m really sorry. About all this, about everything. This was not how I wanted things to end...but you have to let it go...please. The love I gave you...it...it wasn’t real. We have to be honest Rika. We found comfort in each other, we used each other to try and fill the empty void we have. But it wasn’t the right thing...instead of healing, it destroyed us even more...”

“What are you saying V? Our love was real. You just didn’t give me enough, you didn’t love all of me.”

V sadly shook his head. “No Rika...I’m sorry. I...it wasn’t real. I didn’t love you. I was just looking for comfort, for someone to-”

“LIAR! LIAR LIAR! OUR LOVE WAS REAL V! IT WAS, I FELT IT!!! How could you...how could you even say that...it was real...it was all real it was real...” Tears started streaming down her face. Saeran quickly turned around and held you even tighter.

“HEY! The intruders are here! Come get them immediately!” He screamed. A few believes started coming down the stairs, and Saeran laughed maniacally, telling you that you were all finally going to get what you deserved.

Saeyoung finally snapped back to his senses. He was confused, of course, but right now you were in danger. “Saeran...please let them go...”

Saeran laughed. “Yeah right. No way I’m letting them get away with you. I finally have something you really want...and I’ll make sure to make it impossible for you to get it back...”

Fuck fuck fuuuuck.

You sighed and looked at Saeran.

“The fuck you looking at? You want to plead for your life maybe? Hahaha that’s hilarious. After all this I’ll make you my toy. You’ll never be able to get out of your room, and I’ll slowly watch as you break down, and that the only thing you feel is pain.”

“No Saeran...I’m...I’m sorry for this...”

Before Saeran could even ask you what the fuck you were doing, you bit him.

Hard.

Seven and V watched you in surprise, but they snapped out of it once they heard you yell RUN and when they saw the believers following after you.

Seven carried V, and every five seconds he would look behind him to check you were fine. Saeran and the believers were behind you, and they kept coming closer and closer. You managed to finally get out of the building, and Seven screamed at you to get in the car, but before you could do so, Saeran appeared in front of you, blocking your path once again and laughing maniacally.

Of course that was before you heard a zap and he dropped to the ground.

A man with longish brown hair appeared behind him, an annoyed look on his face and he motioned for you to follow him.

You all got into the car and quickly drove away from the place. Seven was driving, while you were in the backseat with V and the mysterious man was in the front seat. He was grumbling a lot, and he kept cursing at Seven for making them come out all this way, that he had no business in this whole affair and that Seven just had to drag his fucking ass over here. He also promised to overwork him like hell when they came home.

After a few hours, you made it to this cabin hidden in the woods. All of you made your way out and helped place V on the bed.

It was about 2am. You were tired and hungry.

Thankfully both Seven and Vanderwood (that’s what he was called) gave you a few snacks. They stayed in the living room space while you sat besides V’s bed, trying to nurse him, and you also texted the RFA, trying to explain everything that was going on.

At one point you may have fallen asleep. But when you woke up it was almost 4am. You went out to the living room where you only found Vanderwood on the couch, smoking.

“Umm...Mr. Vanderwood?”

He sighed and looked up from his computer.

“What?” He asked.

“Uhm...I just wanted to know where Seven was? Is he in the kitchen?”

He shook his head. “He went outside for a bit, that little brat. I’m not complaining though, since I finally get to have a smoke.”

You nodded and went outside.

It was chilly. The sky was cloudy.

You walked straight ahead, and after a few minutes, when you were about to give up,you found him.

He was sitting on the ground, in front of a beautiful pond. He was currently throwing rocks, trying to make them skip, but he failed. So many times.

You sat next to him, but he didn’t even look at you.

Honestly neither of you had talked much. It was sort of awkward, after all, before you literally got locked in a cell and everything, he had ignored you the whole time.

“Uhm...Seven...”

No answer. But you still wanted to figure out what had happened back there. Why was he so shcoked when he found Saeran, and why did Saeran hate him so much?

“I...wanted to ask something. How do you...know Ray..uhm, well...Saeran? Was he close to you? And why does he...why does he want to hurt you...? And...why did Rika call you Saeyoung?”

Seven sighed, and you looked at him.

Actually....looking at him from this angle....

You slowly reached out your hand, startling Sven, but you slowly took off his glasses. He looked at you.

And then you realized....

“The...The twins from that story....it was you guys...his name is Saeran, and yours is Saeyoung...”

Saeyoung glared at you.

“Hmph. Seriously. I’m the one who should be asking the questions here...!! But...it’s not all your fault...it’s V’s...you just got dragged into this whole mess for no reason. Ugh, how dumb to you have to be for this to happen?”

Saeyoung said, angrily as he grabbed his glasses and put them back on. You were taken aback.

“E-excuse me? Saeyoung what do you.-”

“Don’t call me that! Seriously you come waltzing around, let someone take you to a place you don’t know, then you play along with what they tell you! Do you have a death wish?! And now you’re coming here and trying to get into my stuff! Don’t do that. Go away and mind your own business, you have nothing to do with this.” He stood up and cleaned imaginary dust from himself. You stood up too.

“Well, I want to help. I may not have been a part of this at the beginning, but I am now, and I want to do everything I can and help you all. Especially you and your brother, what Rika did was awful! And Saeran, he’s being exploited, he can’t be there anymore he will end up breaking sooner or later!!”

“Jesus fucking christ! Just shut up! Why don’t you just call someone, a friend or maybe your family or something, and leave. I’m serious, you can’t be here anymore. Now go back and take care of V. Maybe once this is all over you can go and ask him out.” He grumbled.

“Wha...ask V out? I-Seven I don’t like him! Besides weren’t you just telling me to leave a few seconds ago? I don’t get what you’re even trying to say!”

“Yeah right. I mean this whole time you’ve been flirting with him, and you’ve spent the whole time by his side!”

“Yes, because I want to help Saeyoung. Seriously what’s up with you, I’ve never seen you like this before!! If it’s about Saeran we can get him back, but please let me help!”

“Why are you still insisting on that!!! Stop being so freaking stubborn and leave!”

“NO!” You screamed. You wanted to cry. You wanted to...yell.

Maybe even punch him. Or at least throw some pie in his face.

“You have nothing to do with this!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SAEYOUNG! And I-I want to protect everyone, I want to protect you, the RFA,your brother! PLEASE, let me...let me help you all....”

Saeyoung looked at you, with his mouth open. You sniffed and tried to wipe the tears off your face.

Silence

Saeyoung slowly walked towards you, stopping mere inches away from your face.

“You...you love me...?” He asked.

You nodded and gently pushed him. “Which is why it hurts to see you say all those things you dumbass. I want to be there for you. For all of you.”

“Heh, the dumbass here is you. I...you know I’m dangerous right? I mean, do you even get the work I do? You could end up hurt...” he looked at the ground.

“I don’t care Saeyoung. As long as I get to be with you....I really love you, you know....and once all of this is over, and we get Saeran...I want to spend the rest of my time with you....”

Saeyoung looked at you and gently moved a strand of your hair away from your face. He smiled.

“Seriously...do you even know what you’re saying? You’re going to have to put up with a lot, you know.”

You smiled back. “I know. And I don’t care about how hard it gets, I’ll be with you the whole time.”

Saeyoung laughed. “That’s what she said.”

Before you could scream at him for that horrible joke he just said, Saeyoung grabbed you and kissed you; holding you tight. The kiss was messy, desperate, the two of you wanting more of each other.

But you pulled away when you heard your phone ring.

V was awake!

Saeyoung smirked and whispered you were going to continue later, and he grabbed your hand and quickly brought you to the cabin.

- So the whole thing became a bit of a blur.

V woke up, and he explained everything to you.

Saeyoung was mad. Really mad. You had to try and calm him down.

That night, when V went away for a walk and Vanderwood was in the other room, resting, Saeyoung explained to you more in depth about his situation. He told you about his father, a well known politician, and about his mom, how she would just drink and drink, and use him and his brother as blackmail.

He told you about his relationship with V and Rika. You immediately understood why he was angry at V. I mean, the man took his brother and then kind of helped his fiancée make him an angry ball of hate.

That wasn’t good.

You also explained about mint eye. Saeyoung was honestly heartbroken.

Your conversation was cut short though, as Vanderwood, who had at one point left to take a smoke, came back with a wounded V.

He had been stabbed.

All of you rushed to the hospital. On the way there, you got a phone call from Saeran, who was crying.

And he said....he said goodbye.

“Wait, Saeran, please wait!!!” But the call ended.

Saeyoung looked at you with a worried expression, and as soon as you dropped V off at the hospital, (where Jumin was waiting btw) Saeyoung got on the car. You got on after him, and he told you to leave, that it was fine. But you shook your head. You were going to do this together.

Saeyoung drove so fucking fast. He was nervous. You were too.

Then, as you came close to Mint Eye...you heard a loud bang, and you saw an explosion going off a few miles in front of you.

Saeyoung and you were speechless. You made your way to where Mint Eye was supposed to be, but you only found dust and debris.

You spent the whole night looking.

But you couldn’t find anything.

Thankfully, a few years later V had recovered. He was traveling around the world. Rika was caught and she got sent to a mental institution.

You never found Saeran’s body.

It was tough.

The first few weeks he didn’t talk at all. I mean, the encounter that he had with his brother after about 8 years was one where Saeran just hated him.

It hurt. Knowing that Saeyoung wasn’t able to explain everything, to beg for forgiveness.

Saeyoung was absolutely devastated. Thankfully, you were always there for him.

You stood beside him on all his sleepless nights, and whenever he had a panic attack you were there to comfort him.

Even if it hurt, Saeyoung was slowly recovering. A few months ago he managed to get out of the house. And he formally asked you out.

You were finally settling down. Some days would be hard, others not so much. But you always stood by his side.

At about your third RFA party, V suddenly appeared!

Everyone was happy and pretty shocked too!

Saeyoung didn’t want to say hi, so he sulked on the side.

But then, behind V came out a figure...a figure that you recognized.

“SAERAN!” You screamed and you ran over to him, giving him a big hug. Saeran was startled at first, but he slowly wrapped his arms around you and rubbed circles on your back while you sobbed.

Saeyoung he...he dropped his glass filled with PhD Pepper.

When you let go of Saeran, his twin quickly walked over to him, speechless.

“Saeyoung...”

Before Saeran could say anything though, his twin quickly held him tight. The two of them were sobbing, and Saeran hugged his brother back too.

It was beautiful.

After that, Saeran started living with the both of you. He apologized to you many times, but you told him that it was fine, that you should focus now on the present.

Saeran had such a soft spot for you, sometimes he’d get a bit cranky with Saryoung though, but it was funny lol.

He made a garden, and every day the three of you watched movies while eating ice cream, sometimes Vanderwood even joining you!

Thankfully Saeyoung had managed to get them out of the whole agency thing, so they were just chilling.

AsforV, thankfully he got the help he needed, along with all of the RFA members (though they would sometimes come to you.)

In the end, all of you ended up living happily...ever....after

I’m sorry pft

The end!

#mystic messenger #jihyun mysme #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #yoosung kim #jumin han #jaehee kang #choi bois #mysme

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roughentumble · 3 years ago

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oh!!! in case anyone was wondering, i did finish that AU that was half-formed as i was falling asleep last night. i dont think anything ever came of it haha-- its basically just misao. not so much in the "little girl gets sexually assaulted and brutally murdered at school" sense, but more like an overarcing "some people enter a haunted building and are locked inside, forced to learn its violent secrets" sort of thing. the ghost-- the "misao"-- in this equation is geralt. he's been missing for a long time, and when they find the house and physically see him as an apparition, that's confirmation on what's become of him.

he's twisted, and violent, and his features look... wrong. innocent people who'd wandered into the house long before any of geralt's friends found it, all lay dead beneath the floorboards. but it is, despite everything, very clearly him.

jaskier is the one who agrees to stay with him(the "aki", if you know the true ending of misao), to abate his loneliness. despite everyone's pleas, he steps forward into geralt's arms, and then the two of them vanish.

it's a bright, sunny day outside. birds chirp. the front door hangs open on its hinges... and jaskier and geralt are gone. their remaining friends take a moment to huddle together and mourn...

and then, miraculously, a few moments later, out of nothing falls geralt and jaskier.

now, what they'd learned along the way, somehow or another, is that the reason geralt is such a strong and dangerous apparition despite not actually being dead that long is because he didnt die normally. he was trying to reason with a mage, it had come to blows, and in his dying moments the mage had been angry. vengeful. "if im to die here, you'll be trapped here too. alone." sort of thing. those feelings, a giant explosion of magic, and the next thing geralt knows he's trapped. not just within the four walls of the building, but he fades in an out, in a sort of... pocket dimension. time passes differently in there, he's been trapped for longer than a few months, or a handful of years, and it's broken him on top of amplifying whatever power he'd have as a specter.

but the two key factors are that he was never actually dead-dead despite what everyone thought, and when jaskier agreed to stay he was no longer actually alone, breaking one of the stipulations of the mage's dying curse.

its obvious, though, despite the brief amount of real time passed, neither is alright. even jaskier shrinks back from the light, clings to geralt wordlessly. it's been far longer for them. (let's say a year for simplicity's sake, but you can make up whatever amount of time works to you.)

that's basically the conclusion, then the epilogue is them healing. jaskier gets better, mostly, but geralt's problems are life-long. it takes a LOT of help, and healing, and magic, to get him anywhere near functioning, and he can't return to the Path. he has a panic attack if he's alone in a room for too long, and he and jaskier are codependant, completely attached at the hip.

to my mind they probably take up residence in oxenfurt. jaskier is offered a position teaching, and even though it's a LOT of people(which is hard for geralt to handle) it's safer than life on the road, and they never have to be apart for any particular reason. geralt sits in with him for his lectures, finds himself comforted by jaskier's voice. no more excitement, or contracts, or daring adventures, but they manage to carve out a life for themselves that's happy enough, make peace with the more painful parts of their past.

im not sure how to make a story of it, or even if i'd want to make a story of it, but it was fun to think about. and you can definitely feel my aversion to major character death, lmao, it'd honestly be simpler to just have them both die, but i do think there's something appealing(for lack of a better word) about there being something so terrible that even the famous white wolf cant come back from it. the isolation was too much, and no matter how much he heals, geralt cant be who he was, but he can become someone who's happy where he is.

of course, there is the supernatural problem-- if you make "passage of time in the void" a direct 1-to-1 to some regular unit of time, then geralt very quickly becomes trapped and tortured with solitude for an unreasonable and frankly goofy amount of time(see dean winchester getting tortured for decades. its not a comprehensible amount of time. that's not a thing a person can endure.) you can either lean into that, and give it the feel of A Ghost Story(numbers arent as important as a proper atmosphere in this case), or you leave the numbers intentionally vague so it doesnt get goofy.

now, you could make an argument for any match-up you like-- instead of jaskier choosing to walk beside him and follow him as he always has, it's yennefer in a clever play on "you've condemned yourself to me". now she's condemning herself to him. or perhaps eskel, two drops of water, it's always been the two of them, and now it will always be just the two of them. lambert, who knows loss and loneliness and agony and decides he cant leave geralt to that fate, even if its reckless to jump into the abyss with him. regis, who's lived a long life and decides the best way to end it is in comforting an old friend. any manner of ship(or gen) works perfectly well-- i choose jaskier because i'm a one trick pony, but i'd honestly read any of these other matches, it all depends on what an author wants to write. and if anyone for some reason feels inspired by my spiel, feel free to write it, as long as you send me a link to the finished product! (and perhaps credit me for inspo? thats not required tho it'd just be nice.)

#i cant imagine why anyone would be. but if you are i admire your ability to turn straw into gold! lol #witcher tag #ogc tag #anyway this is the thought that was plaguing me.#i imagine ghost!geralt does a lot of flickering in & out of existance repeating the words /lonely lonely so lonely/ in a dull lifeless voice #drags people to their death maybe a little out of rage but mostly out of a desire to make someone stay #then gets even more distraught when they ''leave'' (read: die)#not fully aware of what he's doing or how he's hurting people.#of course once he's healed enough to comprehend what's happened and what he's done he really carries that weight with him.

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago

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Life After Snowpiercer: Finally Free

Summary- 6.2k. Matt is finally contained and you have a moment. Curtis taking control of the situation and starting to step into his role of the leader of this new group with the help of Edgar. Maybe some trauma warnings? violence.

Chapter 8 / Masterlist

Oh Fuck

Matt stumbled back and behind Matt the front end lifted there rifles, the audible sound of clicks sounding down the line, but Matt held up his hand to stop them, Claude rushing to his side and he spat out a mouthful of blood, smirking as it smeared across his lips and around his nose. “Enjoy that Curtis, only one your getting.”

“Well fucker you should watch your mouth. Its your god damn sister your talking to like that.” Curtis spat out, and Matt rolled his eyes at him. Claude handed Matt a cloth, him wiping his face clear and tossing it back to Claude instead of handing it to her. Your eyes narrow at the dick move he just did. That little shit! It was hard for you to accept what your brother had become in the years hes been gone.

“Fucking hell Curtis, you are so. FUCKING. STUPID.” Matt stressed, shaking his head. “I told Wilford you were a waste of resources when he got it in his head to make you the next Minister of the train. You still think its all about working together, family, friends, blah blah blah. I told you before you can have so much more. We all can have so much more. People had it good on the train.” He looked over his shoulder at the group supporting him. “Wanna know why? Cause they fucking listen and know whos in charge. Took care of them. Now... enough of this shit.” He looked past Curtis at the large group standing behind him, the last of the end of the train. They took the worst of it, but there was still more then the people supporting Matt. Ultimately they were survivors.

“So heres my deal, join me or die.” Matt grinned, rolling a shoulder up in a sorry. “Those we dont kill will be banished to go out onto the snow and ice alone. So who wants to stand a chance at least?” He looked so cocky standing there that if infuriated you, after all of it, all the years of pain and guilt you felt, it all bubbled up to escape in a ear shattering scream. The sound piercing like a siren, jarring Curtis next to you in shock and Matt took a step back towards Claude. The only one who had frame of mind to take advantage of the momentairy confusion was Edgar, giving off a war cry of his own and it just surged them all forward. Curtis himself was pushed forward and loosing his hold on you. There was a clash of metal on metal, those that carried axes smashing against rifles,people screaming, guns firing.

Curtis pushed through the people but couldnt see a sign of you, feeling himself being tackled, he swung the axe he carried behind him and felt the thud of it sinking in a body, jerking it loose, he swung the gun he did have off his shoulder, and looked to find Johanna. She had the sniper skills to use this thing that he simply didnt. Quickly looking around, he spotted her not to far away. Currently Johanna was unarmed, using some trained skills she possessed, fuck she fights like Grey, slamming her hand against the mans nose to whip his head back, covering her in blood. In another barely to be seen move, her hand slams against the windpipe and he goes down, gasping, trying to drag air through what Curtis now assumes is crushed. “Jo! Heads up!”

Giving a toss, Johanna reached up and grabbed it, checking to see if there was ammo in it. She glanced at Curtis who pointed to the top of the train car. She gave a understanding nod and scrambled for the train, dodging people and launching herself up a ladder. Higher ground, good girl. Curtis thought as he hefted his ax and went into the mess of it, still looking for you as he repeatedly hacked at those around him. “Y/N!” He roared while pushing through, where the hell were you, Y/N? Edgar came up beside him, both men panting from the exertion, Edgar still healing from his last ax fight, and Curtis had busted ribs and a half mangled arm. “You seen Y/N?” Curtis focus at this point is locating you, and he gave a shake of his head. “No man, I thought she was with you!”

How you got seperated from Curtis you didnt know, one moment your senses were swarming as you couldnt stay focused, the building up screaming from your lungs to dodging clashing axes and firing rifles. You scrambling to find a way out, not having any way to defend yourself when you feel a set of hands grabbing you by the collar of your coat, strands of your hair getting caught and ripping out. “Stop!” you scream as you get slammed against a chest, snarling in your ear “There you are sister dear, his prized bitch.”

“Matt stop! fucking hell let me go” You try twisting out of his hold, but hes got you tight, Claude following along behind as he drags you with him. “Curtis! CURTIS! COME AND GET HER!” Claude has a rifle pointed right at you, snickering at the sight of you in her crosshairs. “Everybody fucking STOP!” Matt yelled right near your ear, leaving your head throbbing and your hearing buzzing. You try to twist out of his hold again, reaching behind you to try and claw at his hand in the collar of your jacket, but he gave you a whiplashing shake to stop you, kicking the back of your thighs till you went to your knees, “Come get your little cunt whore before Claude decides to get trigger happy again.”

Curtis and Edgar were scanning the crowd when Edgar saw Matt kick you down, grabbing Curtis coat to get his attention and he whipped around to see where you were, your fighting against it, but Matts got you twisted around, yanking you back and forth, and Edgar grabs Curtis coat to keep him from lunging in someones line of fire. “Fucking let her go!” Curtis rages out. Matts voice screamed over the din, and people pulled away from each other when they saw what was going on, The casulties scattered in the pink red snow all around them, but that wasnt what Curtis was seeing. No, he saw Claude looking right down the barrel at your head. And that alone spurred Curtis into action, covering the distance with long gaited steps, the bloodied ax at his side rolling in a complete circle with a twist of his wrist to test his maneuverability to put force behind his swing, Matt smirked coldly at Curtis, thinking he had gotten the better of him. How wrong he was.

“Better stop right there, or else I blow her pretty little head off” Matt snickered, and wavered a bit when Curtis didnt slow down. “Shit Claude!, shoot him!” The man suddenly coward, yanked you back to your bottom, dragging you backwards, making you yelp at the sudden sting. Claude swung towards Curtis, who was close enough now to see the promising smirk on his face, that cold steel blue glint of his eyes. Claudes finger started to squeeze the trigger on the man who promised her death in a single look. You started screaming, kicking your heels into the snow and twisting to wrench Matts hold loose. “Curtis! CURTISSS! You fucker, lemmego!” your words are spat out run together, and your shoulder hits your brother in the stomach, making him drop you. And all you can do is see your lover in the aim of fire, and for the second time in days you swear your going to see his head get blown apart.

Claude never gets the chance to squeeze, a POP and shes jerked backwards into a heap, and your looking around wildly, now sobs escaping you as all your fears are dashed again, looking up, you see Johanna sit up from the top of the train, giving a thumbs up to Curtis, who nods in anowledgment, and turns towards the two of you, your trying to ungtangle yourself to a stand, and Matt is looking over at Claude, in horror. The woman stared up wide eyed, but unseeing. She was dead before she even hit the ground. Matt steps a few steps back, and then bolts as if he had somewhere to go. Curtis doesnt even care anymore, rolling his shoulder and throwing his ax after the fleeing man, your hands come to your mouth in shock, wide eyed following the way its spinning.

It does nothing more then trip him up, tangling in his legs, and he landed hard on the ice. Two tail enders had bolted after him, jerking him to a stand, and those remaining front enders set down any weapons, and backing away with hands up. Curtis rushes towards you and falls to his knees in front of your, grasping your face in his hands searching you. “God your okay, right? Y/N, tell me your okay.” Your nodding in his hold, shaking. It was all to much, so much, and his arms fold you in close so you can press your face in his chest, sobbing. “Curtis I cant, I cant keep doing this...” he knows, your eyes we're pleading for it to stop and this was what Curtis had feared, you seeing Matt after all this time. It was just like all those years ago, where you shut down on him.."hey I got you, I got you" He drew you in, whispering it in your ear. No one said a thing, all of the survivors, prisoners remained silent at the couple. Not all of them could understand what was happening, but none would dare defy Curtis in this moment. His hands rubbed you deeply and when you quieted, he lifted you away from his chest to look down, checking you over. “Just a little more, okay babygirl? I really need you with me right now.”

Your listening, sniffling to yourself, and under his hands you started to calm from your panic attack, his voice was deep and soothing, and selfishly you didnt want it to stop, but you nodded, and he kissed your neck, his voice soft as he spoke against your ear. “Good girl, come on.” And he pulled away, holding his hand out to help you to a stand. A bit shaky, you brush the snow off your pants, and his arm is around you, till hes sure your steady. “Wait here” he rumbles out and heads over to where Claude is laying, his hand reaching to close her eyes and collecting the rifle she had aimed at him, he shouldered it. Let her stay here, the snow and ice could claim her now, his strides long and ground eating the return to you, and tucked you against his side, leading you towards the train.

The group of remaining tail enders gathered the discarded weapons, and Edgar pulled up alongside Curtis “What do you want us to do with these people?”

Matt was being trussed up with chains someone had found on the train, he hissed at Curtis and you, fear, anger, hatred all aimed at the two of you. "I swear it, you will pay for what you did to Clau-" a rag firmly stuffed in his mouth, cutting off his words.

Hard blue eyes stared Matt down till the man glanced away, weakly jerking his shoulders as if to try and escape. Curtis resisted the urge to kick him while he was down, having no sympathy for Matt's loss. Claude threatened you, she got lucky her death was that quick. His hold tightened slightly around you as the two of you stepped away.

Curtis looked over the group they just disarmed, most of them looked lost, and unsure of what to really do as they were herded together. Silent You watch them willingly gather together, ready to accept whatever they are told. Your hand tugs on Curtis shirt to get his attention as he to is seeing what you were. “They were only following Matt cause they needed a leader, look at them. They need help.” Your face was still red from earlier, your eyes puffy. Before we take care of them, I need to take care of you. Curtis nodded and pressed his lips against the top of your head. “We will, but not till were sure about them.”

“Pick a car, and put someone to guard entrances and exits, and him.... “ he gestures towards Matt, whos been dragged along behind them, feeling you tense up next to his side at what his next words would be. “Secure him in one of these rooms alone, I will deal with him later. Everyone else, get them inside, settled in. Kids need to be fed, the sick need a place to recover. I will come find you in a bit.” Edgar nodded, and turned away, rallying everyone up. Curtis continued to lead you up the stairs to one of the cars, hoping it was one that had the small apartment rooms in it.

“Curtis wait, what do you mean deal with him?” You try to get him to stop as he led you down the narrow hall with a gentle tug of your hand, Curtis wouldnt be deterred even though you tried to get him to answer you. He shoved open doors to various different rooms till he found one that seemed to fit what he wanted. Leading you inside, he loosened his hold and searched while you stood there, shaking slightly, your nerves, shot. Seeing Matt and the long hike here had exhausted you to almost breaking.

“Just as I said Y/N, I was going to deal with him.” He stepped out of the small bathroom the room had and pulled the rifle off his shoulder and set it near the door, turning back towards you to rub your arms. “and right now, youve had enough.” He drew you to sit on the edge of the seating area and you looked up at him with a look he was familiar with. One that was ready to challenge him.

“You cant kill him Curtis.” Your eyes narrow at him as he shakes his head at you. Seeing that shake of the head, you grab his coat to keep him from pulling away. So tired, you were just entirely drained and you couldnt bare the thought of him going to take another life, any life. Youve had enough of worrying and trying to hold everyone together, finding out some hard truths, not to mention the abuse you were still sore from. You felt like all youve done was cry and breakdown. Enough was enough. You just wanted him to stay with you, Please dont go.

Curtis moved to a kneel in front of you and unbuttoned your coat, swift fingers taking you apart in a intimate caring way that he needed to take care of you. Letting him, cause he was trying to ease you, and it kept him busy so you could study his next answer. “Promise me Curtis.”

“No, Y/N, I cant and you know that. If he is a danger to you, or anyone else on this fucking train, im not going to hesitate to end him.” his eyes avoided yours for a moment, until his hands drew into your coat to ease it away, looking up at you finally. He could see the tears still brimming softly and his hand lifted to use the pad of his thumb to wipe it away. “Baby, you know Im not gonna do anything unless there was a real danger, Okay, trust me.” He huffed that last part out, his thumbs sliding along your cheeks as he cupped your face to look at him,

Giving a small nod, you had to trust him. Youve trusted him with your life all these years, and now it was Matts you trusted him with. “I do Curtis... and I know hes not okay. What happened to him?” Curtis hands moved to rest on your thighs, rubbing lightly back and forth as he listened to you, his eyes showing his own weariness.

“Manipulation on Wilfords part... But I need you to stay here and just chill for a bit, okay?” he said and your brows furrowed at that, his hands tightening a bit on your thighs. “Your shaking, look at your hands.” You take a glance down, and without even knowing they were shaking, fists twisted in the sleeves of his jacket, white knuckled, and shaking uncontrolled. Loosening your hold, you pull them back and his hands encase yours. “Please, I will be back to check on you in a little bit. Just stay here till I make sure everything is settled.” You give a nod, it was easier to give him what he asks and Curtis gives a gentle smile, a silent thank you Babygirl. As he stands, he kisses your forehead. “I promise it wont be long” and he left you sitting there, in probably the nicest room you have seen in seventeen years, and you didnt know what to do in it besides sit there looking around.

Curtis closed the door firmly behind him, taking a breath to steady himself. She will stay, cause I asked her to. Trusting that you would, he straightened out and strode down the train car to see others taking advantage of the rooms, exploring and shedding clothes, as it was still warm in here somehow, was that running water? A rushing sound above him made him look up, and a stretch of his good arm braced against one of the pipes running, and sure enough it hummed enough to tell him that there was running water. How in the hell? he wondered as he moved to leave that car and search out where the prisoners were taken, where Matt was placed.

He didnt have to look far, as Edgar was talking to Johanna, who nodded at Edgars request. “Yea, that shouldnt be a problem, we can take some shifts on and off, there are others from my car who are just as sharp.” Before Curtis could even inquire, she took off, calling out a few names searching these people out.

“What was that about?” Curtis asked and Edgar looked over his shoulder, turning towards his friend, and beckoning him to follow, well aware of what he needed to be filled in on. “People who can actually use these damn rifles. The front enders said that they are all here, but we dont know whos out there, who might be coming.” Curtis nodded, listening to Edgar, he was right, they really didnt know, not to mention the ex guards that tried shooting them all out earlier. “Where they stationed?”

“Johanna will take care of all that, shes ex- military, and trained for this kind of shit. She was the one to actually bring it up to me first.” Edgar shrugged as he led them a few cars back and swung up. “I put the front enders in the car ahead, and Matt, well hes in this one. I figured you wouldnt want him near his group again and start some shit. So separated for now. Might be easier to bring him up to the luxury cars were gonna be staying in. Keep him under better surveillance.”

There was a reason Edgar was Curtis right hand man in all this. The kid was smart, he was always thinking ahead, and Curtis was thanking all that was holy the kid survived. Darkening a bit remembering the circumstance, he pushed it away and gestured Edgar to bring him to Matt. There was the business of how big a threat was your brother going to be. Going back to a steel door, Edgar pushed it open, and inside was Matt along with a tail ender guarding him, bound and gagged, the man knelt in the center of the room. Curtis stepped towards him alone, The other two men holding back. Curtis didnt even bother to bring himself down to his level, his hand just fisted in the mans hair and tipped his head back.

“Im gonna be real honest with you Matt, and only going to say this once. If I think your in any way a threat to these people, to your sister, I will slice your throat.” Matts eyes darkened and he gave a muffled response. Curtis jerked down the cloth enough so his mouth wasnt stuffed with it. “You wouldnt dare kill me, Y/N wouldnt let you. She would detest and hate you for the rest of her life.” Curtis gave a cold smile, and nodded.

“I know, and yet I can live with her hating me if it meant you wouldnt hurt her, or any of us again. Its a life Im willing to live with.” Matts eyes looked doubtful at Curtis, but he stayed silent. “There is no situation here Matt where you win. So were going to do this my way. Lock and key, maybe in time you will get some freedoms. Maybe. Your ass has a long way to go if ever, and the only reason your still alive is because of Y/N. So better not piss her the fuck off, cause like I promised earlier, I have no problem killing you.”

“You going to end me like you did Claude? Shoot me without being able to defend myself.” He spat a bit. “You know Claude wasnt going to shoot Y/N, you think Im that heartless. Are you entirely sure that rifle wasnt loaded and just for show?” Matt smirked at Curtis in the smug way of his. “As you keep pointing out, she is my sister after all. I have some obligations to her safety after all.”

“Claude was Wilford whore, and had Y/N in her sights. Im not fucking playing anymore of the games, yall had 17 years of it. Things are changing. You still have to prove you have any loyalties to her. So untill we decide if your even worth keeping around.” Curtis brought the rag back up to stuff it back into Matts mouth, his protests going muffled. “This is your life now.” Ripping his hand back to release the man, he fell back and Curtis turned away. Done with his shit for now. Leaving with Edgar, the door slammed shut, closing Matt in the dark once more to simply wait.

“You think he is ever gonna come around?” Edgar asked as they left the car, Curtis feeling better knowing Matt was secure till he knew what the fuck to do with him.

“Maybe? He was once one of us after all. Although hes spent more time in Wilfords care. Show me what else has been started.”

The next hour Edgar showed him what they set up, people were setting themselves and family up in the luxury cars, beds, clothing. It was even found that they had things such as electricity and hot running water. “But how is this possible” Curtis asked, flicking the lights on and off in a empty room, Edgar shrugging next to him. “I have no idea, maybe someone in the front end knows how its running still now that the train has stopped.”

“Start asking them, im not gonna look a gift like this in the mouth, but I would like to know how long it will last.” Curtis flicked off the lights again and they continued on. There was an extensive medical unit, that a few people occupied, including Sara who seemed even worst. Y/N is going to need to see to her soon, Curtis left her to her rest, the woman shaking endlessly. The kids all came tumbling down the aisle, laughing and seeming to play a game. Timmy, why he actually seemed normal once more. They half collided with Edgar and Curtis, weaving around the men.

“Git on outta here you pains in the asses! I already told ya once this wasnt for running around in” Edgar yelled, Curtis drew away to where he saw Yona sitting near a window in one of the rooms.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked the young woman. She broke out of her trance and smiled looking at Curtis.

“Oh yes... just thinking. He didnt make it you know.”

Curtis’s hand rested on her knee. “I know Yona, Im sorry. But I promise you always have a place here with us.”

“He would have liked this, going outside. No more tail end, front end.”Tears of mourning formed in her eyes for her father, and Curtis to shared in her sorrow. The man was a pain in the ass, but he got them to the front, saved his life as well as his daughters. She turned to look at Curtis, a guarded expression on her face. “Its not over though, we have to be ready.”

“Ready for what.?”

“I dont know yet...” she drifted off and turned back to the window seeming to get lost in her thoughts. Edgar raised a brow at Curtis in question. Although Edgar thought she might have a few screws loose, Curtis had started to trust her instincts, to the point he took them to heart. She had been right several times, forewarning Curtis at various points. It sunk in what she was saying. “When you know more, let me know. And anything else Yona, if you need something ask for me. Okay?” She gave him a nod, and a reassuring smile, pushing against his good arm gently. “Go, she waits for you.”

That made him smile, maybe you were feeling better.

While Curtis was gone, you did everything you could to relax, but it just amped you up worst, tugging at your clothes as the room felt warm. Real warmth you werent used to. Piling most of your clothes in a chair, your mind just keeps going through the days events, and the one that was making you choke up, try not to cry was your baby brother. How could he be such a monster... You couldnt understand what happened, how he could ever become that. All those years of guilt bubbled in your chest, and it hurt. Fucking hurt that you werent able to protect him, and now if given the chance you were sure Matt would just kill you all. Or worst. The coldness in his eyes, glee filled when you had looked at him in fear. Whatever Wilford done, he killed the boy you knew.

Sitting on the edge of the seating area, you drew your legs up and hid your face in your knees, waiting for Curtis to return. There was nothing else, no way to escape the thoughts swarming, there was no way to let yourself sink off into oblivion, which sounded like the greatest relief, although impossible, There was nothing more to do then wait for the next metaphorical axe to bury itself into you and your people, you lifted your head when you heard the door click to see Curtis return.

A glance at your face showed that you hadnt truly calmed down since he left you in here, and shrugging off his coat and hat, he approached you and taking your hands, he brought you to a stand. Unfolding yourself, he waited until you were right in front of him and he wrapped his arms around you gentle to not make you pull back in fear like you have been doing and kissed your shoulder. “Theres hot water still, I want you to go take a shower, and tonight we will stay here.”

“Hot water? How.... “ He shushed you and eased you into the bathroom. “Do as I say Baby” And he slipped the door half closed to give you privacy, and while you were undressing and testing the water, once it was full blast hot, you sunk into the stream of burning water with a sigh of relief. In the room, Curtis searched out the cupboards and found stuff of luxury they never had. Plush robes, more toiletries, some clothing, even a half full bottle of brandy that he took a swig off, and pocketed. Fuck that burned in all the best ways. He took the robe and set it on the bathroom counter, the room was full of steam, and he could see your silhouette swaying back and forth in the water. Fuck he wished he could join you, but not today.

There was a knock on the door leading out of the room, and Curtis slipped the bathroom door shut further for your privacy before opening. It was Tam, and she had a bundle in her arms. “Whats all this Tam?” Curtis asked while stepping back to let her step inside, which she set it down, he could see food that they had packed up from there journey. She flipped open the blanket she carried it in so he could see properly. It was things like more crackers, and peanut butter. God damn peanut butter, now that was a sight for sore eyes. “I figured you were busy and needed to be fed.”

“Thanks for this Tam, It was something I was going to go for next.” Curtis confessed and Tam smiled and patted his arm.

“I know, figured I would save you two the hassle.” In the bathroom you cut the water and listened to the exchange before deciding it was safe to step out of the stall, on the counter you found a robe Curtis must have found, and wrapped yourself in it, waiting till you heard his “thank yous and I will come find you later” When you opened the door, he tilted his head, smiling at you. Consciously you tried to run your fingers through your hair. “Feeling a bit better?” He asked you and you nodded. Drawing you into his hold when he sat down, folding into his lap, he dragged the blanket over.

“Look what Tam brought us... whens the last time we had something like Peanut Butter?” Your eyes widened as you picked up the plastic jar, rolling it in your hand. “Did you like it before the train?” Curtis asked as you pried off the top, a excited nod made him chuckle, and he took it from you to peel off the paper seal, and tipped it to you. “Go ahead, try some.”

“This used to be my favorite before, could eat it right off the spoon.” Your finger tip dragged through the smooth butter, and brought it to your lips, closing your eyes to savor it. Curtis wedged the jar in your lap and also pulled the sleeve of saltines over, using his teeth to split it open, and drag a cracker through the top and popped it in his mouth. It was fucking better then he remembered, and you did the same as he did. It was probably the best meal either of you shared, and before the end you two were laughing softly and feeding each other, until you shook your head. “I cant anymore... but thank you.”

Cupping his face in your hands, you kissed him with a soft sigh passing between the two of you, soft kisses with peanut butter taste, you leaned your forehead against his for a minute. “Stay long enough till I fall asleep?” You ask when you pull back and screw on the top. You know that he wont be staying for a few nights all night until he was sure that you all were established safe. You wouldnt ask him to cause you know he would be torn between wanting to remain with you and going to be sure the rest were safe.

“Of course, tomorrow I will find us a more suitable room. I dont think we could make this couch work, our bunk had a bit more room.” He confirms as you moved out of his lap and set the stuff Tam brought on the counter running along the opposite wall. This time you curl into his side so when you drifted off he could slip out, his hand trailing along your side while you settled in, your gaze looking out the windows the snow glowing from the incredibly bright stars overhead in the inky blackness. Letting yourself think about the day, relaxing from his touch, it was firm through the robes fabric. “How was it... your talk with Matt?”

Curtis had expected you to ask him, and he was silent a moment, not really wanting to break this first real at ease moment you two shared. But finally he spoke when you to remained silent, waiting for him. “I told him the way it was Y/N, that I cant tolerate danger to any of our people, and that until we all decide what we want to do with him, he will remain in his current predicament. Tied and gagged.” He felt you wince, but didnt protest to any of it.

“Do you think he will talk to me?” You ask next, tipping your head back to look up at Curtis.

He swallowed and his face became guarded, it was no real secret he didnt want you going around Matt. His eyes fell down to you, and he knew he really couldnt keep you from your brother. “How about we take that one day at a time? Youve been through alot baby within these past few days.”

“Speaking of that... “ You shift enough to sit up next to him, rubbing your arm. “Curtis, there could be the very real possibility that im... “ Your hand moves to rest against your stomach. “I have no idea, and its not just me, there might be others.” Curtis jaw tensed thinking about what you were saying that your personal hell might have resulted in making a life. His hand moved over yours and he made eye contact, his words a promise.

“Listen Y/N whatever you want to do, thats what we will do. You decide to have a baby should you be pregnant, then that will be my child to. If you decide that its not the right thing to do, we will figure that out to. They have an extensive hospital wing here, and possibly still a doctor. Im going to find out later if anyone is medically trained. As for the others, they will of course have the same choices. They are free to do what they need to.”

You breathed out, one hand it was a relief that Curtis confirmed what you already suspected. “Even if its another mans baby?”

“Of course, I dont care who the bastard biological father is, I cant say I would be a good dad by any means. But fuck if Im letting you do that alone. Especially since you should have never had that happen in the first place.” His face clouded, and you frowned, nudging his shoulder. “Hey! It isnt your fault, youve protected me more times then I can count in the tail end, and I made it out. We made it out. We will with this to, right?”

You needed him to believe it, that it wasnt on him. He could lie to you about it, but not himself. He messed up, with you, Edgar, hell the train. Now they were stuck in who the fuck knows. But for now it all just simmered below the surface. “Get some sleep babygirl. We will take all this one day at a time.”

You would have kept up the conversation till you heard the words, but it was hard to resist his request, but not to you placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, and rubbed your nose against his. “And Mr.Everett, you would make a perfectly fine Daddy, when the time comes.” He gave a doubtful grin and roll of his eyes. You can think that all you want, Curtis knew the truth. You would make a wonderful mother, regardless of all the times you claimed it wasnt for you, that the trains orphans were enough. Him though... he would just mess up any kid of his and this life, it was day to day survival. You settled down at his side, and his hand rested protectively against your hip, rubbing gently.

When you finally drifted off, a few more regular nights, and Curtis suspected you would feel like yourself again. He eased gently away and shook out the blanket Tam brought, settling it over you. When he left, he collected the rifle he had left behind when they first settled in the room, and checked the rifle while walking down towards the exit. Just as Matt said, empty. Sighing to himself, he clicked it back together, and shrugged it off. Oh well, Claude had it coming.

Edgar appeared at his side, and followed along once he saw Curtis. “Whats the next move?”

“Were going to sort out our prisoner situation. First, this...” He motioned to the rifle he carried. “Lets store it away with the rest, we need to be careful with them, take inventory. See if they have some kind of bullet maker.” Curtis was thinking out loud while Edgar led him off the train and walked around small fires people built, Curtis suspected people couldnt stand the enclosed space anymore, and standing under the wide open sky, he inhaled the cold air deeply, counting his blessings. For the first time it really sunk in.

They were free. Actually free from the tail end and Wilford.

Tags- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @imanuglywombat @patzammit

#curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #snowpiercer #chris evans #trauma #ambers writing #sweater writes

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polymathemawrites · 5 years ago

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Restart in Recovery Mode Chapter Two

Cw: graphic descriptions of panic attacks, ptsd, severe trauma, depictions of injuries, drugs

Gordon gets a weed card (this isn’t as funny as it sounds)

20 Hours after Xen

He can't stand it, too bright, too much sun, and too much dog. He likes dogs, and now that Sunkist isn't a jpg he even likes him a lot more, albeit if he stares too long sometimes he does seem a little... flat... off in the distance. After the third dog licks his hand and reminds him he has a right hand, he has to sit down. It isn't his fault it's intimately ingrained in him to offer sniff-hand as dominant hand.

Tommy drifts onto the bench next to him, not too close, not too far. If Gordon needed to he could reach out and graze his fingers against the tie dye t-shirt the young man is wearing. Wait how old is Tommy again?

God, he feels so fucking old, he's only 27, he's pretty sure Tommy is in his thirties, the birthday was JUST yesterday.

"Are you alright, Mr. Freeman?" Tommy asks.

"Just a little winded."

Tommy makes a soft humming sound, out here, out of Black Mesa, the strange static tint to everyone's words had faded, hearing Tommy in crystal clear clarity made the whole traumatic situation somehow seem like a bad dream. The glaring bruises that tugged at him whenever he moved were pretty much singing in neon lights, 'hey fucker you just went through hell.' He can hear the ghost of a pleasant female voice whispering 'morphine administered.'

"Tommy, I need you to check me into rehab if I start buying street drugs at any point." He says apropos of absolutely nothing.

"Of course, Mr. Freeman! Do you want me to help you get a medical marijuana card?"

Gordon pauses, remembers college - not sleeping for two days, hyper-focused on his books, ink stained hands and his roommate passing him the blunt, the bright incandescent feeling of anxiety melting away like the clearest blue - "Actually, yeah."

Tommy takes him to a chain clinic and fills out the paperwork for him while he walks around the strip mall with Sunkist, he's pretty sure that it would be illegal for Tommy to come out of there with a weed card for him without him ever setting foot in the establishment but also that he's killed an unknown percentage of the US military so what even is legality at this point.

Sunkist barks and takes off down the intersection between two strip malls and Gordon blanches, following at a half-trot, body angrily telling him, hey fucknugget what do you think you're doing moving like that?

Turning the corner he sees Sunkist has stopped, paws up on the edge of a concrete and pebble garden decoration. It's like one of those needless blocks of concrete they put outside malls and fill with non-native flowers. But this one has a tree planted in the middle, a fountain under the tree, and a large number of shrine-like objects Gordon does not have the cultural connotations to decipher the meaning of. Sunkist is watching the water pour down the fountain and stays propped up there for Gordon to finally catch the dog's leash.

When he notices the face watching him from around the tree he screams, breaking the nice quiet serenity of the hidden courtyard.

Benrey puts his hands to his ears, his helmet-less head covered by the grey hood of a jacket, inhuman eyes scrunch up in pain, "shh, why you do a big loud?"

Gordon doesn't say what's fire hot and klaxon noise blaring in his skull, he doesn't say 'you're dead, we killed you' he turns, with Sunkist's leash in the iron grip of his hand, and walk-runs away, panting, vision blurring, his chest hurts, fuck is he having a heart attack?

Some distant sweet song of logic informs him in a voice that sounds nauseatingly like the HEV suit's AI, panic attack imminent.

Yeah no shit, he's in it.

He doesn't get fully around the corner, he's heaving, looses grip of Sunkist's leash, he's spinning in circles it can't possibly be the whole world spinning instead. Blindly he moves his hands to brace for something, his vision collapsing in on itself like he's going through a portal, like he's back in Black Mesa.

There is a hand on his arm, one at the back of his neck under the hot-heat of his ponytail. The world is blue like a '98 vintage pop song.

When the edges of his vision clear, when he finds himself again, Sunkist is leaning against his legs and has him pressed up to a wall, the courtyard is empty - just the two of them.

Tommy's voice comes from far away like at the bottom of a well, Gordon registers slowly that no, it's him who is just fucked up not hurry lassie, Tommy’s fallen down a well. His hearing hasn't come back completely, still partially stuck in that hellish panic-tunnel. Sunkist keeps him from moving, from falling down, and then Tommy is there, nervously fidgeting in front of him, not touching, just anxiety incarnate. Or that was him, ha.

"Did you see him? Did you see that eldritch fucktruck?" Gordon slurs, looking, searching.

"Who?"

Gordon bites it down, he's too raw to admit he's probably hallucinating. Shakes his head, still trembling.

Tommy drops him off at home with overpriced pharmaceutical grade weed and the reminder that he's just a phone call away. Gordon has to assure him he's fine a total of 5 times. He's not fine, he's so far away from fine.

Listening to his son on the phone, his sister telling him about the craft fair she'd be working tomorrow, he lays on the floor of his living room and smokes like he did in college, till the world goes soft. His sister reminds him to eat enough protein before she hangs up. He hasn't eaten all day, but it's too late to get up now, the fucking world is melting.

When a hand touches his hair, the side of his face, he opens his eyes to see Benrey crouched over him, body tucked up above his head, looking down at Gordon not with a shit-eating grin or nothing at all but instead a look of anxiety and something Gordon is too fucking high to quantify right now. He laughs, a warm sound that rumbles through his chest, this doesn't seem to make Benrey feel any better, Gordon doesn't understand why, he thinks shit is hilarious.

"Yo, are you real bro?" Gordon asks.

"i coulda done this for free, i do it all the time, for you, be a cool, and what, you dont need me? gordon too good for black mesa sweet voice?"

"You said my name again." Is what Gordon chooses to take out of that exchange.

He's pretty sure when he wakes up later he's stress-hallucinating some kind of horror-terror. There isn't therapy for this, is there?

#hlvrai

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deddie-eddie · 5 years ago

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Hypocrisy in fandom.

TW // suicide, suicide baiting, harassment

Yesterday, I nearly killed myself.

I was in the midst of a breakdown, I was shaking so hard I couldnt breathe, and if I wasn't I likely would have been able to open the pill bottle and I likely would have gone through with it.

I had to be talked down via phone call while I was on a camping trip with my family.

But why?

Two days ago, I did something awful. I found a "pedo struggling" account, run by an anti, who was posting screenshots of me and my friends, and called them out.

Little did I know, this would be the start of something horrible.

It started out fine. I made a couple jokes, laughed along at other proshippers in the comments, and it was all fine.

Then, the account posted a vague tweet. "They won't stop." I thought this was funny, so I poked more fun at them. Watched them squirm as they replied to my friends in shaky, broken English. I called it crytyping. I mocked them for it. I assumed I knew what I was talking about and instead of realizing that they were having a breakdown, I assumed that they were being performative and made some horrid accusations in a long callout thread about them. I posted screenshots of them as they replied with, what I thought was, performative nonsense. I privately mocked them. To summarize, I did something entirely, unarguably, factually awful. I made assumptions I had no right to make and acted on them in the worst way.

Then I went to bed.

When I woke up, I had hundreds of notifications. Spammed messages of "deactivate," "how could you do something like this," and a barrage of fancams.

It had come out that the person I was mocking was having a genuine panic attack, and that I had mocked them in a time of immense struggle and pain. I had no right to mock them in the first place, but now that it was genuine, my actions were amplified.

I finally took more than two seconds to think about what I'd done, and realized I was a huge, giant, absolutely massive asshole. I deleted the thread, released a long apology, and tried to take every comment and all my criticism in stride. I was still getting a lot of hate. That was understandable. I knew I didnt deserve to be forgiven yet. I let it be. I didnt tweet anything else for fear of it seeming like I wasnt taking this horrible situation seriously. I sincerely, honestly replied to people asking me why, how, and what I thought I was doing. They had every right to know. Still, the cries of "deactivate" rolled in. I knew I deserved them.

Then, it got worse.

I got a comment. I checked it.

"I dont usually say this but ummm... you should kys."

My heart raced. It had been a while since someone had told me to kill myself. I knew I had fucked up but I didnt realize just how hard, if people were really telling me to kill myself. But i brushed it off. It was one comment. I deserved it.

But it kept. Coming.

More people. "Deactivate," "kill yourself," "you're a freak." All day. Every minute I'd have a new notif, and every moment a new threat. "You'll be alone forever." "I hope you rot alone." I knew I had to take it because I had inadvertently sent people to harass that person. I didnt deserve to be forgiven. I still dont.

People watched my follower count drop. So did I. I lost mutuals I had interacted with for months. I lost people who said that they would always be there for me. I lost people who used to call me their best friend.

I had no one ask me for my side. No one that i was close to, anyway. None of the tens of people who told me that they cared about me, that they loved me, that theyd always be there for me. Not a single one of them was there to ask me. They all read the same callout post, and came to the same conclusion. That I was a horrible, unforgivable person. And I dont blame them for that. Sometimes I think I am too.

Then they kept going even more. More hate. More callout posts, except now people were making things up. They were lying and I couldnt do anything about it because I was in the wrong and not to be redeemed. Old friends took the sides of people who genuinely suggested that I die or kill myself, and people who said they loved me were handing over screenshots to these people in hopes that they wouldnt get thrown under the bus.

They took old things that I said and did and exaggerated them, posted old DMs out of context, and when they couldnt manipulate my words they just didnt provide evidence at all. They had that power. They had the power to lie about me and I had given it to them.

More people joined in. There was a hashtag spread of me. #staymadeddie on twitter. Look it up if you think I'm lying. People tried to get this trending.

After over a day and a half of NOTHING but constant harassment, I started to think I should take their advice. If I was dead, I'd finally be quiet, and theyd get what they wanted. If I was dead, they wouldnt yell at me anymore. They wouldnt harass me. I would be free.

They managed to make me feel like this in a day and a half.

I had a public breakdown. I screamed over the internet, phone held in shaking hands as I tried not to sob in earshot of my family. I frantically pleaded to what little I had left that they stop. I begged to know what they wanted from me. I asked if they really wanted me to die. I begged them to leave me alone. I threw my phone at my bed, ran to the med cabinet, and grabbed a bottle of pills. If I hadn't been shaking so hard, I'd have opened it. If I had opened it, I dont like to think about what I might have done. I was flooded with comments telling me to get help. Close friends begged me not to do what I wanted so badly to. They dmed me left and right, but i ignored it. I felt numb. Everything had been hurting so much that when presented with death felt almost better. Obviously that was a ludicrous thought. It was a day and a half. I was being rash. But I didnt care. I couldnt take it anymore. I'm 15, I have severe anxiety and depression. When overwhelmed, my impulsive thoughts and actions take over.

A friend called me and had to talk me down over phone call while I was camping with my family. It was successful, of course, but the rest of the day I was plagued with a deep depression that left me feeling hollow and worthless. I still cant keep my thoughts away from it. I think about all the people I've lost. All the people who, in their eyes, I'm dead to. All the people who swore they'd be with me, but when push came to shove they couldnt even spare me a glance.

My crime was harassing a minor. I made assumptions I had no right to make and publicly blasted someone for having a panic attack. In no way was that okay and in no way am I entitled to be forgiven. However, I deleted the post. I released an apology. I took criticism as best I could, without blaming my actions on anything or anyone but myself. I did what they always tell you to do when you fuck up.

But it didnt work.

I *was* genuinely sorry.

I *did* recognize my mistake

I *tried* to make amends.

I *didn't* pass blame.

I fucked up. Hard. But no matter what I did no one would stop. I lost close friends. I lost a best friend. It almost seemed like I'd made it worse.

There is no moral. Because real life isnt black and white. I did an awful thing. These people did awful things too. There is more than one victim here. In people's quest to gain justice for me harassing a minor, they harassed a minor into near suicide and laughed at it.

Dont forget that behind EVERY account there is a real person. Be they adult or child, everyone will fuck up and even though in general we need to think before we post, like I clearly didnt, it is possible to learn from our actions and one negative one doesn't define a person.

I'll say this again.

To some people, people I trusted, people who said they cared about me, i am dead. They hate my guts. I'll never be redeemed. But I'm expected to improve myself with this knowledge. I'm supposed to take all the hate and never speak about the hate coming my way for fear of trying to victimize myself.

No. Fuck you.

I AM a victim. I was harassed as much as they were, and even though I threw the first stone, I never told anyone to die. I never lied about anyone. I didnt cancel them. I learned my mistake and apologized, but I KNOW that NO ONE will EVER be expected to apologize for what they did to me.

What I did was horrible. I am not entitled to forgiveness. I will repeat that a hundred times. But to beat me down until I'm nearly dead, to call me a freak and a pedo and a disgusting person, to tell me to kill myself, then laugh when I call myself a victim, is disgusting.

I DON'T deserve this, and I'm tired of having to pretend like I do.

By all means. Criticize me. Make jokes. Be harsh. But do NOT tell me to kill myself over a lack of forethought, and then have the guts to call yourself a "protector of kids." You're not.

You're only out to protect your friends, and the people who agree with you, other people's lives be damned. I dont matter to you. And you'll never admit that you hurt me.

#cancelled #tw suicide #tw suicide baiting #tw harassment

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a-wanderin-whirlybird · 5 years ago

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Who did this? A Sole Ender AU fic

Summary: Ryan Haywood is happy in the crew. They know his quirks, well, most of them and they dont care. They have embraced his weird situation and have been the best family Ryan could ever want. He never wanted to lose them, so when one of the Lads goes missing for 2 weeks, only to return half alive? Well, Ryan isnt seeing red persay... He is seeing Black.

I would like to warn you: there are some parts where reality and imagination blurs a bit. There is also lots of blood. It will be the but be careful please.

Ryan stared at the door to the penthouse, gently holding Finnieas to his chest. The night sky glittered with the light of the city around them. The three legged kitten had grown quickly in the last 3 months. It wasnt uncommon to see the bundle hopping along besides Ryan or Jeremy. Occasionally the little guy would find an injured crew member and simply curl on them and purr. Geoff couldn't deny how adorable the cat was though he refused to admit it. Which didnt matter, Ryan had an entire album of the crew playing with Finnieas on his phone now.

But those happy times were on hold, and Finnieas wasnt purring to heal a physical wound. Michael had been missing for several weeks now, no one knew what happened, just that he went out for a supply run and never returned.

Ryan had taken to standing guard by the door at night. His years in the Lab had taught him how to operate on no sleep so he was able to do this. It didnt make the situation any better, and he was still exhausted beyond belief.

As Jack and Jeremy liked to remind him, he was still human, no matter what. He had limits.

Despite that Ryan sat up. His Vagabond Mask in arms reach just in case and surrounded by Diet Coke cans. His mind wandered about phasing between focused intent and roaming memories.

God exhaustion didnt helo memories one bit, it had been a week and a half since Ryan slept more than an hour every 3 days and things were blurring.

Then the door silently opened and the scent of old blood and gunpowder filled Ryan's mind. The walls turned white.

Ryan rose and teleported in an instant to catch Michael, leaving Finnieas to tumble onto the couch with a Mrrp. God Michael was shit. Ryan couldnt tell where all the blood was from but if the distinct lack of fingernails was anything to go by, he would guess Michael had been in some deep shit.

"Michael, stay with me ok?" Ryan muttered as the curly haired man moaned in pain. Ryan began to bridal style carry Michael into the back. He stopped outside Michael's own room but decided against it. He didnt trust it at the moment, plus Gavin and Jack were asleep there. Something about the smell.

Ryan instead made his way to his own room, and gently set Michael down on his bed. Ryan then slowly began to peel away the lady's tattered clothes, and tucked a blanket over him.

All the while Ryan was taking shaky shallow breaths. Blood was easy. He saw blood on himself all the time. Ryan had removed his eye patch, a plain black silk one Geoff had gotten him, to look over Michael. It played to have an eye that could show exactly what kind of injuries or weaknesses someone had. Especially if you needed to report the injuries.

Internal bleeding, the blood pooled dangerously in Michael's lungs. The eye revealed if Michael wasnt propped up he would drown quicker. So Ryan propped him up, the ghost of an electric shock shooting through his veins as he did so.

No time for that. What else was there?

Concussion, and cracked skull. Ryan couldnt do much there but cushion the head. He grabbed extra pillows to pack around the lad just in case. The ghostly shock grew in strength and Ryan felt his vision fade a little.

Not Now! Michael needed him.

Broken ribs, arm and legs. Those needed to be set. Ryan couldnt do that himself, he needed Larry.

"Rye?" Michael groaned, his voice cracking. Ryan turned up to stare at Michael's face, not his eyes, never his eyes.

"Yeah." Ryan assured quietly. "Its me. Hang on ok? I'm getting Larry."

Ryan then Vwooped away leaving a small poof of sparkles.

Larry was a few floors down, in the crew's private infirmary, he was asleep at his desk, again. He rarely left the office unless he needed to.

He lay over various charts and reports of the crews health and healing injuries. It took a lot to keep up with the mad crew, especially since one of them didnt have all natural anatomy. But Larry didnt mind.

"Upstairs. Now. Michael needs healing." What Larry did mind was suddenly being shoved out of his sleep by Ryan literally shoving him out of his chair and teleporting away.

Hissing but rushing Larry gathered up his supplies and beelined for the elevator.

Ryan vwooped back to his room. His mind swirled and mixed up times, but it never stopped him before. For weeks a burning, and boiling rage had been hiding in the depths of his sleep deprived mind. And the sight of the lad on his bed, barely awake and alive only made that worse.

Ryan knelt down by Michael who was carefully watching Ryan. Ryan met his eyes briefly, his muscles tensed and screamed at him to run for doing so. But he kept it as best he could.

"Who did this?" Ryan whispered. The response was hesitant, but the growl that escaped Ryan's throat and the vwoop that followed wasnt.

Larry raced up through main floor, poking in every room to find where Ryan had fucking dumped Michael. On the way, he ended up waking half the crew until he found the lad half awake in Ryan's room, propped up by a mountain of pillows.

As Larry got to work a sleepy and nervous Jack went to the front room, following the desperate Mews of Finnieas. Out in the main room he found the 3 legged cat pawing at a pile of sparkles on the coffee table. For the last week or so, the Vagabond mask had been sitting on the coffee table, in case an immediate rescue mission occured.

But it was gone, and Jack was instantly awake. Jack quickly crossed the room to the back hall, following it over to a secluded mini armory. Jack cursed as they counted the weapons. Only one was missing, and no one ever saw Ryan use it.

The Vagabond was on the hunt.

Ryan was lost in a swirling sea of thoughts. Fury was the first and foremost thought. It was feral and wild, a feeling that Ryan hadn't felt for years. Not since he broke free for good and he hunted down the traitors who sold him back to the Lab.

Behind the rage was bloodlust. Ryan usually enjoyed his job, but he didnt crave the blood of his enemies. Now all he wanted was to be bathed in their blood and guts.

The combo of rage and bloodlust turned into a mechanical motion. Ryan, what little piece of his mind was still aware of its surrounding and actions, felt distant. That tiny piece that remained knew, the moment he teleported his mind would swirl back into a deep pit. The robotic movements and thoughts of an agent without agency. He didnt have the control to weigh the options at this moment as he stalked the dark streets, mask slipped on over tired eyes, the left glowing bright and ominously.

His mind and consciousness had weighed the possibilities when Michael had hobbled back into the penthouse. Ryan had made the desicion when he went to the tiny armory and grabbed That knife. The one pulsing and singing in his hand now.

Ryan teleported. A monster appeared at the destination.

The bar was empty. It had been all day. The bar keep knew that their crew in the back was celebrating. They could join once they were done cleaning. The place would have to be burnt by sunrise. It needed to be clear of booze.

The barkeep didnt hear anything but a soft vwoop before the splitting pain filled his senses and with it the world went dark.

A black and purple eye watched the human bleed from their neck on the floor. And questions rang in their head.

Why was it so easy? The tests never were this easy. Why the mask? Who said it needed the mask? Was this the doctor's playing with it again?

Who cared, one was dead. Five more remain on the building, two more on the roof. Get it done. There was someone waiting for him.

In the back room of the bar the celebrations were dieing down. The victorious party celebrated their successful efforts to through the biggest crew in Los Santos off their game. They were laugh at a joke when the faint thud of runner and kevlar hit the table.

Half present the five stared at the item before them. Then they screamed. The iconic skull mask of the Vagabond lay before them, discarded but untouched. Before they could fully process what thus meant, the dripping of blood filled the room as one member fell dead. Their skull ripped open with a knife.

There was panic as another dropped down dead. They couldnt see the attacker but it was clear who it was.

As each member fell, one by one they all had the chance to catch a glimpse of a furious purple eye and a black knife and it drew their lives away and left them to rot on the floor.

The room was clear of life, and the Vagabond moved on to the last two targets on the roof, leaving nothing but bodies and sparkles behind.

Jack and Jeremy drove down the dark streets nervously. They had left the moment Jack noticed the black knife Ryan refused to touch was missing.

"Pull over! There!" Jeremy shouted as Jack threw the car into park and jumped out of the car.

The stiff figure of Ryan had emerged from an alleyway. His sweats and tshirt were soaked with blood and sweat. A small dribble of blood dripped onto the pavement from the knife pulsing and clutched in a white knuckle grip in his hand. His eyes were blank as they turned and met Jack's own.

Jack grabbed Ryan's wrists.

"Come on big guy come back to us. Larry said Michael's ok. He'll be fine. Come on, back to earth with you." Jack soothed as Jeremy helped moved the blank Ryan back to the car.

Jack piled Ryan and Jeremy into the back seat as Ryan sat still and unresponsive, like he was processing it all. Jeremy stayed pressed to his side all the way back to the penthouse as the coaxed the statue inside.

Geoff met the two at the door and gestured to the very back room.

"Use my room. Shifty said not to move Michael." There was a twitch from Ryan at the mention of Michael but nothing more, so the three moved back.

Geoff's room was the biggest. He may be one of the biggest criminals in the world, but Geoff was a goddamned Softie. He wanted to make sure he had space for his crew, his family, in his space at all times. If that meant needing a giant custom bed that fit nearly 15 people then fuckit! He got it.

Once in the giant room Geoff took the Knife from Ryan's hand and led him over to the bed with Jack and Jeremy.

The moment Ryan hit the mattress his eyes closed and he began to snore lightly. Geoff shook his head and sighed.

"Right. He's not allowed out of bed until Michael's up. Bastard needs his sleep."

Ryan was twisting in his mind. He was griping desperately to a single vision, the crew after a recent heist. His mind chanting different truths at him.

This is the present. The crew is real, and so are you.

This is a dream. These people are fake, you are nothing but a tool.

His hands ached, and his head felt like it was splitting open. He didnt know if he wanted to find out which chant was true or not. He kept his eyes closed. And begged for it to stop.

"Move the fuck over asshole Gavin's going to fucking flip when he wakes up and I'm not in your room." The voice was hushed and raspy, but Ryan knew it. Oh God he knew it!

Ryan cracked his eyes open to find Michael, bandaged and wiggling down next to him. Part of Ryan was terrified this was fake. The other terrified Michael would break of he moved more.

Ryan reached out gently and Michael sighed and he curled into Ryan's arms. A gentle purr soon joined Michael's weight as Finnieas curled up on his right.

"Real..." Ryan rasped.

"Yeah. It's real. I ain't leaving. Heard Jack say you were like a Zombie a couple days ago. You went and got the bastards who got me." Suddenly the memories of a few days ago cleared of fog. Michael's arrival, the bar, the pulsing knife he swore he would never take up again. Suddenly everything felt real and present.

"Are you ok?" Ryan asked as Michael moved his bandaged head onto Ryan's chest.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'll heal. Look I fucking suck at emotions and shit ok? But you kicked ass for me and I appreciate that. But next time dont fucking I dont know. Robotisise yourself like Jack said you did ok? Oh and save some of the fun for me!" Michael insisted. And Ryan couldnt help but laugh as he curled into Michael himself, more odd bubbling formed in his mind, but he didnt touch it. He wanted to revel in the realness of this.

Because it was real. He was real. And so was his new home. He loved it there, like hell he was going to lose any of it.

#Sole Ender AU #Ender!Vagabond #tw:blood #tw:derealization #FAHC #Ryan Haywood #OT6 is happening #because Yes #casual cuddling is great #enjoy Ryan experiencing Derealization #its a type of Disassociation #I based his off my own

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darkangeldesignstudio · 5 years ago

Text

Dark Horse

Since I am depressed af right now and Hurricane Dorian is breathing down my neck....I am posting these next two chapters early. You know, just in case I die in the storm or from sadness over the next 24 hours. Love y'all and I hope you enjoy these.

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Death, Attempted Rape, Strong Language, Mentions of Animal Abuse, and Eventual Smut and Fluff

Setting: Post Civil War era USA. Marvel Cowboy AU.

Preface: Your home is attacked by the Hydra gang and you are rescued by Steve, Bucky, and their group. The government agency, known as Shield, wants them captured and Hydra wants them dead. With nowhere else to go, you join their ragtag group and set out on the adventure of a lifetime. Helping those less fortunate along the way, your small group grows and so does your affection for these two rough and tumble outlaws. When the chips are down, will you all be able to escape unscathed? Or will the boot drop and leave you heartbroken and alone again?

Song: Zombie (Acoustic) by Bad Wolves

Previous / Next

Chapter Six: Esa and Coyote

You motioned for Steve to take a seat as you began your story. This one would take a while and it would be best if he was comfortable for it.

“My ancestors, my people, walked with the animals and the spirits. They respected them greatly, but most of all they respected Esa, the Wolf God. He was hailed as one of the creator Gods and like many of the other animal he could walk and talk like man.”

Bucky and Steve sat quietly, listening intently with intrigue sparkling in their eyes as your story began to paint pictures of old. “Wolf’s brother Coyote could also walk and talk, but the people didn’t respect him. He was a Trickster, always up to no good and out to double-cross others, the people stayed far away from him.”

Bucky chuckled a bit. “Sounds like Tony.”

Steve shushed him, leaning forward in his chair, waiting eagerly for you to continue.

You giggled a bit before continuing with the story. “Time passed and Coyote began to resent the Wolf, jealous of how respected his brother was. Being the Trickster he was, Coyote wanted to teach Wolf a lesson. So, he devised a plan to make the people lose their respect for Wolf. A plan that would make them hate him, or so he thought. You see, Wolf was wise to his brother’s ways and so, when Coyote enacted his plan, Wolf created his own plan. A plan to finally teach his wily brother the lesson he deserved.”

Steve sat back in his chair as a bit of trepidation coursed his spine. “This sounds like it’s gonna get dark, doll.”

You smiled sadly, nodding a bit. Steve was right, the story wasn’t a happy one, but it was essential to the prophecy you would tell them later. Drawing a deep breath, you looked between the men in front of you as a shiver ran the length of your spine.

Bucky jumped from his chair. “One second, Y/N.”

He disappeared into your room, emerging a moment later with a blanket. You thanked him as he draped its warmth over your shoulders. When he took his seat again, a huge grin on his face, you continued the story.

“One day, Wolf and Coyote were out on a walk over the land, they talked about the people that lived there and when Wolf claimed that if someone were to die, he could bring them back by shooting an arrow under them. Now Coyote, having heard this boast before, told his brother that if he brought everyone back to life, there would be no room left on Earth for new life. ‘Once people die, they should remain dead.’ He believed that if Wolf took his advice, the people would hate him. Wolf, irritated by Coyote’s constant questioning of his wisdom, decided now was the time to enact his plan. He said nothing, just nodded wisely and went on about his day.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other as the tension built. The tone of your voice didn’t bode well for Coyote.

“Days later, Coyote came running to his brother, his fur was ruffled and his eyes were filled with panic. Wolf already knew what had happened; Coyote’s son had been bitten by Rattlesnake, whose powerful venom was deadly to all. No-one could survive the bite. Coyote begged and pleaded for Wolf to bring his son back to life as he claimed he could do, but Wolf refused. He reminded Coyote of his own remark that people should remain dead, that he was no longer going to bring people back to life, just as Coyote had suggested.”

You propped your elbow on your knee, supporting your head in your palm as you told them the ending. This was always the hardest part to tell, but it was especially hard as the loss of your brother still lingered in your chest. The wound still fresh on your heart.

“They say that was the day Death came to the land. As punishment for his mischievous ways, Coyote’s son was the first to die and Wolf never raised anyone from the dead again. The people came to know the sadness that accompanies death and, despite Coyote’s efforts, the people did not hate Wolf. Instead, they admired him, his strength, wisdom and power, and we still do today.”

You all sat for a moment, in total silence. The firelight danced across your eyes as the two men pondered your story.

Steve wasn’t sure what to say. He had never heard such a story, as his family had raised him a Christian. But the look in your eyes spoke truth and he was unwilling to question you on it. Story or not, it had sent shivers through his body as you spoke. The embers of red that reflected in your eyes made you appear old beyond your years, as if another Spirit spoke from within you. When he looked at Bucky, he could see the same thoughts reflected there.

Bucky turned to you first, flames danced in his gaze as a sense of warmth traveled through your body. There was understanding in those blue depths and, when you turned to Steve, you saw the same thing. It brought tears to your own eyes as the feelings from the past few days came crashing down on you. It finally dawned on you that you were the last one left. The only person in your family still alive on this Earth.

Just as you began to break, each man took one of your hands in theirs, bolstering you with their strength, their friendship. It was comforting, helping you to smile through your tears.

“It’s okay, darlin’. We can wait for you to finish your story after you get some rest. There’s no rush.”

Steve’s voice was soothing as he brushed a strand of hair from your face. You smiled up at him. “That would probably be best. As long as you two don’t mind.”

Bucky shook his head as he stood from his chair, never releasing your hand. “We don’t mind, Y/N. You just take your time. We can revisit this after you sleep.”

Steve nodded, following Bucky’s lead and helping you slowly from your chair. Holding each arm, the men led you back to your bed, carrying your blanket with you. Soldat followed at their heels, skirting around them to jump onto the foot of the bed and wait for you to settle yourself in.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, they each said goodnight before exiting the room. Laying down, you pulled the blanket up your body, settling into the mattress as Soldat settled into place overtop of your feet, keeping them warm with his body heat. You were asleep before your head hit the pillow.

_______________________________________________________________________

You awoke the next morning as light streamed through your window curtains, lighting up the room. Soldat jumped from the bed with your stirring, trotting from the room. You could hear Bucky’s voice as he greeted the overgrown pup.

“How you doing there, boy? There’s fresh meat for you in the barn.” Soldat made a little grunting noise, soon followed by the sound of a door as Bucky let him outside.

The sound of heavy boots grew louder as they reached your door. Knocking, Bucky poked his head through the door with a smile. “How you doing this morning, Y/N? Feeling any better?”

You smiled back at him, tucking a bit of hair behind your ear in a bit of a nervous gesture. “I’m doing good? Right as rain.”

“That’s good,” he said as he sat on the foot of your bed. “Bruce said, as long as you were feeling up to it, you could get up and start moving around today.”

Glancing around the room, he cupped his hand around the side of his mouth and whispered conspiratorially to you. “Dont worry, Steve and I didn’t spill the beans about you being up last night.”

Your face grew hot, embarrassed about your little private midnight powwow, but you smiled nonetheless. It had been an experience you never wanted to forget. “Thanks for that.”

The beaming smile on your face made Bucky want to clutch his chest, it was so beautiful and pure. He hoped he would get to see you that way more often from now on.

Another knock came at the door as Natasha walked in with a set of clothes for you. “Knock, knock. A little birdie told me our girl was ready to go out. So, I brought you some clothes.”

“Thanks, Nat.” You smiled at her, it was the first time you had seen her since the night she helped you change into your night clothes. “I’m gonna need the help with my shoulder bandaged up.”

With a nod, Natasha walked over to you and began to help you up until she remembered Bucky was there. Shooting him a glare over her shoulder, she hissed something at him in Russian.

Bucky raised his hands in surrender and backed swiftly from the room. “Okay, okay. Jeez, Natasha, you are so scary sometimes.”

Hearing your giggle made him grin from ear to ear. Sending a sly wink your way, before turning to the door, Bucky chuckled. “Just meet me out here when you’re done, Y/N. Can’t keep Boda waiting too long, I made a promise.”

You had almost forgotten about Bucky’s promise to bring you to see Boda and thinking about keeping him waiting any longer in this strange new place made you anxious. How bad had he been while you were bedridden? You honestly hoped he hadn’t caused too much trouble.

“Don’t worry much about it, hun.” Nat’s voice made you jump a bit, you had almost forgotten she was there with all your internal stressing. “Boda’s been the sweetest gentleman since you were down. I think he has a bit of a crush on Star.”

You smiled at that. “It doesn’t surprise me that he’s falling for the feisty filly. There’s a fire in her soul that rivals even his own.”

“She definitely hasn’t made it easy for him.” Natasha giggled as she helped you don your coat. “That first night, I thought she would tear his ears off. He ended up rooming with Duke in his stall.”

“Smart girl.” The smirk on your face matched Nat’s as you walked outside together. “And it’s perfectly fine to house them together, they have been like brothers for as long as I can remember.”

“What stories are you telling her now Nat?”

The teasing note in Bucky’s voice made you smile, he was leaning against the wall across from your door. Decked out in his winter coat once again. The shirt underneath was the deepest of blues, making his eyes shine all the brighter, even in the shadow of his signature black cowboy hat. How was he so damned handsome?

“You ready to head out Y/N?”

His deep voice made you jump a bit. “Y-yeah, sure.”

Looking to Natasha, you could see the sly grin on her lips and it made you blush. There was no way she could know what you were thinking. But, when Bucky turned his back and she winked at you, you weren’t so sure about that.

Bucky opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch, holding his hand out to you. “It’s still pretty slick out here, so be careful.”

Natasha smiled before walking back towards the interior of the house, leaving you alone with the intimidatingly handsome man. You tried to control your blush as you placed your hand in his and stepped out onto the porch.

He smiled as he released your hand and walked towards the stairs, you followed close behind, trying your best to follow in his footsteps. You were managing the slick terrain of the deck pretty well, until your foot connected with a patch of black ice. The world pitched backward as gravity pulled you back-first towards the hardwood. Unable to catch yourself, you yelped with fright before you clenched your eyes shut. You sincerely hoped that the fall wouldn’t add to your injuries as your impact seemed inevitable at this point.

Luckily, your fall was interrupted as you felt warmth envelope your free hand and a hard jerk had you pitching forward again. A rush of cold wind was followed by warmth as your forehead connected with something hard. You dared not open your eyes for fear of what you would see, until Bucky’s muffled curse graced your ears and his strong arms wrapped around your waist, helping you keep your balance.

“Shit.”

When you opened your eyes, you were staring at his broad chest, covered in soft cotton and a midnight black winter jacket, your hand was unconsciously running over the soft material at his heart as you finally mustered up enough bravery to meet his steely gaze. A beautiful smile curled his lips as he gripped the hand you had placed on his chest. His thumb ran over your knuckles as he seemed to assess your wellbeing, you could feel your blush growing with every second that he looked into your eyes and tried to look anywhere but his beautiful blue eyes.

Being in this position made you feel small and vulnerable, similar to the way you had felt in Steve’s arms a few nights ago. It was a surprisingly pleasant feeling and that thought made your blush grow hotter. Peeking up through thick lashes, your eyes connected with his once again and heat travelled the length of your spine. He wrapped his arms tightly around you when you tried to pull away, unwilling to release you.

“If you step back, you might actually fall this time. Let me help, Y/N.” Tilting your head back to meet his gaze, you felt his warm breath caress your face. Your noses were almost touching, the steam from his breath twining with your own, creating a whirlwind of fog comparable to the emotions swirling in your gut. Truly, his care for you made him all the more desirable and you would have been more than comfortable staying in his warm embrace for longer. It had been the same with Steve at your home.

After another moment, you nodded your agreement, not trusting your voice to speak allowed. The last thing you needed was to say something truly embarrassing.

Bucky reluctantly released you from his grip, immediately missing the warmth, but unwilling to make you uncomfortable by overstepping. Assured that you wouldn’t fall again, he gave you a bit more room, but not too much as catching you mid fall had been lucky. If he wouldn’t have turned towards you in the exact moment that your foot touched ice, you could have hurt yourself pretty badly in the fall. He gave you a moment to compose yourself before reaching for your free hand. Gripping it tightly, he placed it into the crook of his elbow. You smiled, amused as you were no high society lady, but he made you feel as important as one would.

He led you down the stairs and into the fluffy white wonderland of snow around you, but he never released you once as you walked the yard with him. In his mind he was acting the gentleman, the way his momma had taught him to be, but in his heart he only wished to prolong his contact with you and you seemed unwilling to stop him. You would never admit the fact out loud, but you enjoyed his touch, however minimum it may be. You only wished you didn’t feel like a burden for needing so much help. “Thanks, Bucky. You keep rescuing me, even though it seems I can only cause you trouble.”

Turning to look at you, a smile lit up his features as you walked together, but a hint of some other emotion swam in his blue eyes. “You aren’t any trouble, Y/N. It’s my pleasure to assist you in any way I can after everything that happened.” Turning your attention back to your surroundings, you tried to hide your blush. “If anything, I’m happy you wanted to stay with us after all that, not to mention falling for me so literally.”

Gasping, you felt your blush grow to a raging inferno on your face as you whipped your head around to look at him. “I didn’t fall on purpose! I-I-I…” His grin was a teasing one, but there was still something else there. Something that he wasn’t ready to share.

He chuckled at your flustered state, you truly were so cute this way. “I know, Y/N. I’m only teasing you a bit. The others say my teasing nature is a less than desirable trait, but I enjoy it. Makes life more interesting.”

You giggled along with him, calming slightly. “Be careful. You are starting to sound like Coyote.”

He laughed outright, causing his shoulders to shake and a beaming smile to erupt on your face. That laugh was surely something special and you assumed he didn’t make that sound often, especially after hearing the story about his past.

A few yards from the barn, Bucky came to a stop and faced you. A bit of worry coated his features. “I need you to know, we are planning to move pretty soon. We don’t really have a lot of time to waste, so we can’t wait for you to finish healing before we saddle up again.”

You nodded. “I will be fine, Bucky. I’ve ridden with worse injuries than this. Besides, that’s not what you are truly worried about is it?”

His body jerked a little, was he really that obvious? Or were you just that good at figuring him out? “Does this story of yours, the one your grandmother told you… I-I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re not going to have to fight a dragon or throw a ring in a volcano or anything dangerous like that, right? I mean I can take gunfighting any day, but dragons and volcanoes are a hard limit.”

You tried, really truly tried not to laugh at his question. There was real worry in his tone, even if his analogy was meant to ease your own fears. He knew you were scared to share your story, just as scared as he and Steve were to know what it entailed, but even after all of that, he still wanted to keep a smile on your face.

“No, there are no dragons, rings, or volcanoes, Bucky. You don’t have to worry about anything as fantastic as that, where did you even get the idea?” His feigned sigh of relief almost broke your stoic composure. It was getting harder and harder to stay serious, how the hell did he do it?

Just as he was about to put the figurative nail in the coffin, the sound of Steve’s voice cut through your surroundings, followed by a bellowed challenge from Boda.

A bit of fear shot through you, what the fuck was that demon up to now? Nat said they were on good terms. You went to rush away, but Bucky stopped you. “Don’t, Y/N. Steve can handle it.”

You were a bit skeptical, but Bucky’s grip on your hand was inescapable. His gaze begged for your trust, even as a twinkle of amusement still lingered there. “What have you all been up to, Bucky?”

“Come with me and you will see. Just stay silent, wouldn’t want to interrupt them.”

Slowly, Bucky placed your hand back at his elbow and you walked together to the back of the barn where a large wooden round pen stood. What was happening inside the pen made you gasp as tears welled in your eyes. The scene before you was absolutely breathtaking and made you happy beyond belief. How did they both manage such a feat in so little time? Looking to Bucky, you realized he was watching you with a bit of concern.

“It seems you are both due more of my gratitude, Bucky. Thank you so much for this. It makes me so happy to see him like this.”

Your smile lit up the already bright morning, causing Bucky’s heart to stutter in his chest. “Just watch, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

Turning back to the round pen, you watched as Steve and Bodaway played around one another. Steve would jump towards the stallion before jumping away and Boda did the same. It was an elegant and powerful dance between friends. A give and take of pressure that built respect and camaraderie. It was absolutely beautiful. Bodaway’s raven black coat shone in the light of the sun, reflecting blue and purple as he trotted around the man in the ring. There was a spring in his step that you hadn’t seen in a long time and it made your heart soar.

Steve jumped around the ring with Boda, it was the most fun he had had in a long time. Not to mention a great bit of work that helped to warm the body on such a bitterly cold day. It was good for the both of them. “Come on big guy, let’s see what you got.” He put a bit more pressure on the stallion, pushing him into an elegant canter before Boda turned again to return the pressure. “I can do this all day.”

A laugh from the fence line caught his attention. Tony sat atop the railing, watching the goings on. “I thought that saying was reserved for battles you were losing.” Laughing a bit at his own joke, Tony didn’t notice when the stallion turned his attention to him. Nor did he notice when Boda pinned his ears.

“Just don’t hurt him, buddy.”

At that, Boda charged the fence. Tony caught the movement out of the corner of his eye, just in time to topple off the top rail and fall into a deep drift of snow. Boda snorted at the man on the ground before going back to join a laughing Steve in the middle of the ring. “Thank’s friend. You really are somethin’ special. Just like your momma.”

At the mention of you, the wind changed direction, carrying your scent and the sound of your laughter with it. Boda whickered a happy sound when your eyes connected. You watched him with a smile, he was waiting patiently, but you could see the strain it was taking on his body to stand still as he was. So, you gave him a reprieve and whispered the single word he was waiting to hear. “Come.”

Steve was on his way to open the gate when Boda took off at a gallop towards the fence. “Wait, Bodaway!” But, he didn’t stop, just took off from the ground and flew as if he had wings. It was an astonishing sight to behold as the fence was chest high on the stallion.

Bucky, Steve, and Tony gaped like fish as the beautiful black horse landed, continuing at a full gallop towards you. He slid to a stop only inches away from your body and gently pulled you into one of his signature hugs, careful of your injured shoulder. You immediately wrapped your free hand around his neck as tears began to flow freely down your face. His little sounds of comfort made you giggle through the tears. “I missed you too, Fire Starter.”

You stood like that for a few moments as the men gave you both space to reconnect. Steve exited the round pen, helping Bucky who was currently digging Tony’s frozen ass from the snow drift. “How the hell did he do that?”

Bucky pulled Tony to his feet, brushing the snow off of the man’s shoulder. “I don’t know, Stevie. But it’s pretty obvious that he was humoring us all this time. If he wanted to, he could have escaped from here whenever he wished. She really is special to tame a beast like that.”

They talked for a few more minutes, but you ignored them, more keen on loving the sweet boy in front of you. It seemed he was just as unwilling to release you. “Hey, Boda? Thank you for being so good while I was gone. You are the most perfect horse a girl could ask for. I love you.” You placed a kiss on his cheek and then on his nose as you backed away a bit. Turning back towards the men, you realized Tony had gone into the barn. Steve and Bucky stood against the wall, waiting and watching the two of you with fond smiles.

You approached the men with Boda at your side, constantly brushing up against your shoulder with his own. It reminded you of the days you spent together in the pastures, inseparable from the first moment you met. If only the world could always be that peaceful.

“You feel like stretching your legs a bit more? Well, stretching Boda’s legs would be more accurate, I guess.” Steve’s happiness was palpable at seeing you up and about again. Seeing you so broken in that bed had been slow torture for him.

“Sure, where are we riding to?”

The men looked between one another, Bucky reached out to stroke Boda’s neck. “I know just the place. I’ll saddle this big guy up for ya.” With a nod, you followed them into the barn and watched as they saddled up their mounts and yours. It took only a few moments before you were all on your way.

#Dark Horse #marvel #Marvel AU #Marvel MCU #reader fic #steve x reader x bucky #western au #cowboy AU

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dvp95 · 5 years ago

Text

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.

#phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #phan #words words words #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve

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