#if this happens again; it'll have to become a tradition. sorry!

[bloodxhound]

REYNOLDS.​

Her funeral had been a small one. At least that was what Calum remembers from that period of time- his memories of that day are foggy although that can also extend to the months that followed. He’s just glad to be out of those months- time heals all wounds, they say and maybe he is being desperate, but he sincerely hopes that will be true for Erza. Erza who now shares one of the worst commonalities with their father: an absentee mother.  

He hasn’t talked about it with them. About their mother, yes, but not about the months that followed, and especially not about the incident that ( fortunately ) snapped Calum back into reality. It’ll have to happen sooner or later, Calum knows, but the farther away he drifts from that time, the more difficult bringing it up gets. Where is he even supposed to begin? Does Erza even want to talk about it? And what is Calum even supposed to say?

Maybe he’ll do it when her death anniversary comes around, which is thankfully not today. 

He’s on his lunch break when he decides to drop by her grave. She wouldn’t want this, he knows, wouldn’t want him visiting her when there are people who need him more. But for today, he’s being SELFISH and even brings along a cup of homemade jello for her to eat. Hopefully, she’ll take it as a compromise.

But when he reaches her grave ( that lonely spot- it’s not fair, she had so much ahead of her, was so full of life, but this is what she has been reduced ), he realizes he won’t be alone for this time- someone else is here, with flowers.

Someone else, being, wait he recognizes that jacket-

“Detective?” He blinks, unsure how to approach; it seems like Detective Barlowe was having a private moment with…Mana? There can’t any other reason- why else would Detective Barlowe be holding a bouquet with her favorite flowers by her grave. No one visits a grave on a whim, after all. 

He can’t remember ever seeing the two of them together- it’s strange, really. The farther from her death he gets, the more he seems to learn about her. 

He averts his gaze as the grip around the jello cup tightens. “Um…I’m sorry. I must be interrupting something; I just wanted to, uh-“ The words fall away. He bites the inside of his cheek- there aren’t any words he can give here, can he? He approaches the grave and kneeling down, sets the jello cup down.

“I thought…I thought she would be hungry so I made her favorite.”

        Grief has lowered his guard, enough for him to dismiss the figure that draws near on the periphery of his vision. Though his voice lowers as consequence of the encroaching footsteps, the gush of words doesn’t cease, like a river finally broken free of the dam that was to hold it. And why stop now? To this other visitor, he will be no more than a stranger, talking to a slab of stone, inscribed with an unheard-of name. 

          His assumption doesn’t survive long, crushed underneath the weight of his title, piled onto him by a voice he has hoped to not ever hear in this place. Discomfort creeps along his spine, coiling like a snake in his gut. Blanching at the intrusion, he turns his head, stern gaze flicking towards its source.  “Shouldn’t you be at work.”  He doesn’t mean to be unkind, recognizes Reynolds is undeserving of churlish remarks, but hound that he is knows no better than to raise his hackles and growl when caught in such a vulnerable state. With a sigh, he reins himself in, curbing his ill-mannered demeanor before it grows teeth.  “No, it’s me who’s sorry. S’pose we had the same idea.”  To trade their breakrooms for this graveyard, to flee the presence of co-workers in favor of silence. It’s a bit ironic, really, and just his luck: this squandered opportunity to speak his farewell without someone else present. Like a wounded animal dragging itself inside a cave, he has come here to howl his lament on his lonesome, unexpecting company.

          "Coconut flavor,”  he states simply with a nod as he rises to his full height, divulging the shared burden of familiarity.  “If there’s an afterlife, I hope she gets to feast on all the things she wasn’t able to before.”  A mirthless chuckle sounds, ringing hollow inside his chest.  “No offense to your jello cups. I know she loved ‘em.”  He shuffles on his feet; for once unsure on how to proceed. In place of explanations, silence ensues, filled with observations. There’s not a speck of dust or dirt, no wilted flowers — Mana’s grave is in a meticulous state. It’s a testament to the fact that, even in death, she is well and truly loved. At least he can draw some comfort from that. Not only comfort, but also the will to be a little more forthright.  “I don’t know if she ever mentioned me, but she talked ‘bout you at times. She seemed at peace with you. That’s all I ever wanted for her.”

[quantum1mmortality]

Captain Curly; marriage hcs <3

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Chat I know I mentioned getting back into writing for twst but the current hyperfixation is too strong rn so just bare with me I NEED to write for mouthwashing

!this is written with an AU in mind; curly still works for pony express, but there's no ship. Just a normal job. Also J***y doesn't exist.!

Tw/cw; afab!reader, mentions of pregnancy and having said baby, MANHANDLING!!!!, teasing, use of pet names, uhhh I can't think of any else

Not proofread

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Sfw

I think Curly would definitely be a family oriented person. The further you'd get into your relationship, the more he'd ask about your opinion on kids and if you'd want any in the future.

I also think Curly would be on the traditional side, too. If you said yes to having kids, he'd take that as an opportunity to show you how good of a provider he can be, and how willing he is to become a father.

When you do eventually have children, he'd be more than willing to take off work to help around the house. You just gave birth, he knows it's hard for you, so he'd make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all three of you.

Sidenote; Curly would definitely be a good cook. He probably took culinary in highschool

If he knew Anya at the time, he'd have her babysit your children so he could take you out on dates. This happens quite often, too; probably around once or twice a month. He just wants to show how much he appreciates you and everything you've done for him and your relationship <3

He'd take you to the most expensive restaurants and tell you to order whatever you wanted, and if you're done breastfeeding, he'd order a bottle of champagne for you both.

He'd be one of those "I love my wife" husbands. Everyone at his job is so sick of hearing him talk so highly of you. It'll be someone's birthday, they'll bring a cake, and he just won't eat it. Why? "My wife could make a better cake."

After you guys got married, he couldn't stop calling you his wife. That name felt so surreal to him; like the woman of his dreams is finally his? And there's a title for that?? Of course he's going to use it constantly.

He probably also took Anya out to help him pick out a ring. And thank god he did btw because he would've gotten you a ring with the biggest diamond they had 😭😭 (sorry to all the big ring lovers in chat rn they're just not it for me)

Nsfw

Curly is a romantic. He'd want to take things slow, cherish you as much as possible, especially if it's your first time.

He wouldn't think of it as sex, he'd think of it as lovemaking; showing you his worth and how much he cares about you.

He rarely gets rough, you have to ask him to be because he just won't do it. But, he's a suck up for you, so if you want something, it's yours.

So, he'd get rough. He'd go faster than he usually does, maybe put his hand around your neck and squeeze ever so gently. But afterwards, he'd feel awful; like he was hurting you or something.

He'd apologize profusely, say he's never gonna do it again, but does it a few days later. It's like going through the five stages of grief but skipping the first four and consistently being at acceptance

He's a hand holder. Since he's an intimate person, his preferred position is missionary. He likes this position for a few reasons; he gets to see your expression if you're enjoying it or uncomfortable, he gets to kiss you, and he can hold your hand. It's one of his favorite things to do, not only because he finds it much more romantic, but he also loves how you squeeze his hand when you're getting close.

Teasing is one of the things he does best. But verbal teasing, not physical. You can hear him giggle anytime he's inside you, practically taunting you when he knows you're close. He'd say something dumb like, "aw, is princess gonna cum?" And then have a shit eating grin on his face.

Pet names are another thing he uses often. Like I said previously, he'd call you princess, but there's also other names he'd call you during the act. Love, darling, and angel are the ones he uses for you most commonly, aside from princess of course.

I saw someone else say this on here and their hcs were actually what made me want to write (I swear on my SOUL I am NOT trying to copy them 🙏🙏🙏🙏 sorry if it comes off like that) but they said Curly would be buff and I completely agree. He would be HUGE, I'm thinking 6'3-6'5, easily over 220lbs.

The manhandling would go CRAZY, you don't like a position? No issue, he'll just pick you up and put you in a different one. Can't keep your legs open while he's being a munch? As much as he enjoys the feeling of suffocating between your thighs, which believe me, he does, he can't exactly pleasure you if he's unconscious from the lack of airflow. Not a big issue, a firm hand on each leg will do the trick.

Another comment on his body alone to wrap this up; he'd definitely be muscular in his legs and especially his arms. I think his stomach would be toned, not a six pack, but toned. Maybe even a little pudge and a v line 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

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A/N: hi guys pls send requests for curly fics plasplsplspslsplsplslsplspls I'm so thirsty for this man oh ky god I'm crynng

[gguk-n]

Renewed Passion (Lewis Hamilton x Reader)

Summary- What happens when you meet your right person, wrong time after 18 years of actively avoiding him? Will the love that stayed dormant bloom in full spring or stay dormant? Will you give your heart a chance or will you listen to your brain?

I wanted to make this as cohesive as possible. Sorry if it's not. Google translated Italian. Kinda fucking long lmao. Implied smut.

Part 2

mio dolce bambino- my sweet child

Amore- Love

Il moroso- Sweetheart

[Reader's POV]

I opened the door to my neighbours house and walked right into the kitchen. Manuela was making pasta. It was our traditional bi-annual movie night with the Antonelli's. Our families have been neighbours and friends for generations. Me and Manuela had grown closer after she married Marco, so close in fact, that she made me Andrea's god mother when he was born.

Speak of the devil, Andrea walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. Andrea was on track to becoming a F1 driver. He had the passion and drive in him. I've watched him race a couple times. But I try to keep my distance from race tracks. "I missed you, zia" Kimi exclaimed. I smiled at him patting his back, "aww, I missed you too" "I wouldn't have, if you came to the race." he pouted. "Everyone had come. It was literally the home race and you didn't" he sulked. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I just had a lot of work" I reasoned while giving him a hug. The real reason I didn't go to the race wasn't work and it made me feel like a shitty aunt for not being there for this kid, I considered my own.

"Toto and the Mercedes team met me, again." Kimi announced. I looked at him quizzically. "If you had been present in your nephew's life, you would know." he chided. I apologised and asked him to elaborate. "Well, Toto needs another driver on the grid for Mercedes." he said. "Oh, does Lewis need a new teammate." I asked. "For someone who's nephew is a F2 driver, you know nothing about the sport." he declared. "You know I don't enjoy sports." I reasoned. Actually I stopped watching F1 after 2007. "Actually, Lewis is moving to Ferrari next year, so Toto needs another driver next year with Russel." I was shocked. "Zia, are you listening?" Kimi asked. "Oh, yeah, sorry." I apologised. "You have to come to the Monaco race." he demanded. "You know I'm so busy and I don't even get the race, it'll be so annoying for you." I tried to convince him. He was having none of that. Sadly, I was emotionally black mailed into attending the race in Monaco.

The race weekend was in full swing, Manuela was busy and couldn't make it, so I had to be present for the whole weekend with Marco. Formula one were honouring Ayrton Senna. I was forced by Kimi on to the paddock. With my luck, I almost immediately ran into Sebastian as Kimi left me alone to greet his friends. "Y/N?" Sebastian squinted at me. I smiled and walked towards him, raising my hand with a smile, "Yeah, that's me, Sebastian." I said. He shook my hand. "It's been so long, when did I last see you?" he asked, getting lost in thought. "Macau Grand Prix, 2005" I said. His eyes widened. "I'm surprised, you even recognised me." I laughed. "I don't think I can forget, you and Lewis were insufferable. Both of you made sure we felt lonely." he reminisced. I faked a laugh, "Yeah, that was so long ago. How've you been?" I asked trying to change the topic. "I've been good. I retired." he said. "I heard. That was a good run." I nodded along to my words. "What brings you here?" he quizzed. "My god-son is a F2 racer. He dragged me here." I replied. "Really?? Who is it? Do I know him?" he questioned. "I'm not sure if you do, but Kimi Antonelli is my god-son." I explained. "The 17 year old Toto is after." he chuckled. "It was nice meeting you. See you around Y/N" Sebastian said while leaving after being summoned.

I walked around the paddock. This was my first time in Monaco. I had been able to avoid most of Kimi's races when he was younger since he would believe whatever I said. As he grew older, it kept getting even more difficult since he is quite persistent and tenacious when he wants something; traits you want in a racer not your nephew.

I enjoyed the cool wind blowing through the paddock until I heard Kimi, "Zia" he shouted out to me. I turned around to see Kimi running towards me, "I want you to meet someone." he said dragging me to where he came from. We stopped in front of the man I spent the past 18 years avoiding. "Zia, this is Lewis Hamilton. Lewis this is my god-mother, Y/N Y/L/N." he introduced us. Lewis was always and will always be the love of my life. I kept up with the sport enough to know what he did. Eventually, I stopped obsessing over it. He slowly faded into my memories. He was the reason I never paid any attention to F1. I avoided it as much as possible. He was my right person, wrong place. I never truly moved on from him, I mulled over my thoughts as I was snapped out of them to quickly raise my hand towards him. He shook my hand. It was still slightly rough from all the years of driving; tears pricked my eyes.

Kimi couldn't stop gushing about me to Lewis. His eyes seemed so familiar yet so unknown. The years had treated him well, having won the World Driver's Championship 7 times and ageing like fine wine; I thought. I had lost track of what the conversation in front of me was until Kimi excused himself and asked me to keep Lewis company till he returned. My mouth hung open to protest as Kimi walked away. "You'll catch a fly, darling." Lewis said while using his index finger to close my mouth. I moved back from the sudden touch. "Do you still hate me?" he asked with a pained expression. I could never hate you Lewis, those words remained in my throat. "No" I mumbled. "That's a relief. I hope you only remember the good times." he stated hopefully. I just smiled at him. "I should get going" I announced, turning around until I felt a hand wrapped around my wrists, "Aren't you supposed to be in the Mercedes hospitality" he asked softly. I hated it when he was right. I turned around with a forced smile; "It's my first time in Monaco, I gonna walk around for a bit." I said pulling my hand away from him. "Then I can walk with you, since I've been living here for years" he exclaimed. "If I wanted to walk around with my ex, I would've said so." I stated firmly; walking away swiftly. This was going to be a long weekend.

After walking around for a while and tiring myself out, I met up with Marco who was in deep conversation with Toto. Both of them greeted me and Marco introduced me to Toto. I was a casual spectator in on their conversation when Lewis joined in. Marco knew of the history me and Lewis shared, he would be on the receiving end of my pining. They must've ran into each other at some point; did he never mention me? or Ask about me to Lewis; I wondered. "You look bored" broke me out of my thought, Lewis's lips extremely close to my ear. I shifted to the side, almost falling from losing my balance.I braced my self for the impact that never came, strong arms enveloped me, pulling me close. Time slowed as I found myself locked in gaze with my saviour. I could feel his breath against my face; a sense of warmth spread though my stomach. "You okay" he murmured softly. It was like time had stopped. My eyes slowly darted to the two other men in front of; I quickly pushed Lewis away and straightened myself. "I'm fine. Thank you for catching me. I'm gonna go get some water" I rambled, excusing myself to the refreshments. I almost sprinted to the table, grabbing a bottle; when Lewis took it from me and handed me back an opened bottle. "Still as clumsy as I remember" Lewis chuckled. I gulped the water down. This was not how I imagined ever running into my ex. Let's hope the weekend ends without any more trouble.

I was ready to leave mid-way through the day, but Kimi had a tight hold on my arm as he took me along to introduce me to his friends. I had brought some cookies and treats as a present for the other boys. They all seemed quite well mannered, I must say, for a bunch of teenager. Even when me and Lewis dated, it was like we had magnets attached to us, we'd always be gravitating towards each other. My eyes met Lewis's for a split second before I brought my attention back to Oliver Bearmen, a good friend of Kimi's.

Flashback

"Come on, Y/N. I don't wanna go alone." Mia, my roommate moaned. "Then don't go" I chided. The look of shock on her face was priceless. "Those tickets were fucking expensive and you said you'd do anything for me." she pleaded. "yeah, anything means anything around the house. You know I don't even like racing, it's so" I stopped looking for a better word but none came to mind "boring" I continued. "You did not just say that" she replied in disbelief. That's how I ended up at a Formula Renault UK race in Silverstone in 2003.

Mia had gotten us good seats, I decided to find some snacks to entertain me during the race so I excused myself to the stands to grab something. On the way there, I ran into a man. I braced myself for the fall instead two arms wrapped themselves around my waist steading me and pulling me closer. I opened my eyes to be face to face with a pair of chocolate brown eyes. My heart lurched into my chest. "You okay" he asked. "I'm fine" I replied still in his arms. "As much as I would love to have you in my arms, I have some where to be" he stated. Embarrassed, I fixed myself up. "Thank you..." I looked at him expectantly to say his name. "Lewis, Lewis Hamilton" he replied extending his arm out. "Thank you, Lewis. Y/N" I said while shaking his hand. "You're here for the race, right?" he asked. "Sadly, yes" I responded. A playful smile played across lips at the answer, "well then, let's meet after it's done?" he asked hopefully. "Sure, at least I have something to look forward too" I smiled. "I'll try to make the race eventful" he called out as he ran away.

I didn't know the guy I ran into was a racer. Only found that out when he won the race and was called on the podium. I decided to return to the same place we had the collision, in hopes of running into him again. I waited around until I heard someone call out my name; there stood a very sweaty and wreaked of champaign Lewis. "Congratulations" I commented. "Thank you" he replied. "Didn't take you for a racer" I cocked my eyebrow at him. "Did you like the race?" he asked with a cocky grin on his face. "Not really" I chuckled. "Well I can make it up to you, if you would like me to" he questioned. "And how would you do that?" I asked. "Go on a date with me" he asked with the softest and brightest eyes. "You drive a hard bargain, Mr Hamilton" I replied. I acted like I was thinking before I agreed to go out with him.

Present time

"Earth to zia, you there?" Kimi asked. "Yeah, what were you boys saying, again?" I asked. "Do you have a crush on Lewis?" he whispered in my ear. "What?" I almost screamed. "You've been staring at him the whole time we were talking" he pointed out. Fuck, that's gonna be so embarrassing for me. "You know, he is single and your age. Do you want me to ask him for you?" he wiggled his eyebrows at me. "No no, I just got lost in thought." God, this is going to be tough. "Zia, look he's coming here. Act natural." Before I could comprehend what he meant, I was being greeted by Lewis for the third time today. Can this day end already? "You still find races boring?" he whispered in my ear. I pushed him away, Kimi was staring. "Yes, I hate races" I stated boldly. "Maybe I can change your mind." he teased. "No, thank you. If you will excuse me. Bambino" I tapped Kimi's shoulder, "I'm gonna go get something to eat. Would you like anything?" He said he didn't want anything so I left to get some food.

The day ended with me thankfully no longer running into Lewis anymore. But I did enjoy watching Kimi during free practise. He finished P8 and I consoled him by saying that they were just figuring stuff out and how everything worked. He seemed to cheer up and we ended up having dinner at a restaurant near by. The city was lit up with the hustle and bustle of the race. I saw a couple more racers and people asking for their autograph. I teased Kimi about forgetting me when he's a formula one driver and being too rich and famous for me. He looked appalled at the suggestion. The night came to a close with us back in our rooms and back in bed but sleep wasn't going to come to me this easy.

Flashback

Lewis was finally back from the races. Following him around was proving itself to be quite challenging while being a full time uni student. I decided to make the most of the little time we had together by dragging him around to an arcade, to the mall and lastly my couch so that we could watch Finding Nemo. Lewis was willing to entertain all my childish demands, I realised. We were cuddled up together, our legs intertwined, one of Lewis's hand was under my head and the other rubbing my hand. "You're distracting me, Amore" I muttered. "Pay attention to me them" he pouted. I turned my head around and pecked his lips, slowly turning my body around to face him. I cupped his cheeks; "I missed you" I mumbled against his lips, kissing him again. He pulled me closer by my waist, deepening the kiss. "I missed you too" he whispered against my neck as he left open mouth kisses down to my chest. His hand squeezed my ass, while his lips started suck on one spot. He pushed me against the sofa and took his shirt off in one swift motion.

Present Time

Okay, I need to stop thinking about Lewis, especially naked Lewis. This isn't helping my situation at all. Why am I acting like a teenager? This was starting to get humiliating for me.

After a troubled sleep, morning seem to come very late. I was pulled out of bed by Kimi who was very annoyed that I was still in bed. I quickly got dressed and met Kimi back at the paddock. I spent the whole day following Marco around like a lost puppy. I didn't even see Lewis the whole day. I guess the schedules don't match for F1 and F2. Part of me hoped to see him. I found myself searching the paddock for him. At the end of day I returned back to the hotel heartbroken.

Sunday was my last day in Monaco, Kimi did okay at the sprint. I congratulated him none the less. We decided to go out for dinner and it would be my treat. "I just wanted to do well, for you" Kimi sulked. "You did well, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you. You've come so far, mio dolce bambino" I said giving him a hug and pat on his back. I told him to rest and then we'll head out for dinner. I was looking for Marco to confirm the plan with him, when I saw Lewis, who looked visibly annoyed. "Hey" I waved at him. I saw him visibly relax and wave back at me. I found myself walking towards him, "Everything okay?" I asked. "Yeah, it's nothing. Just team issues" he huffed. "Sorry about that. I hope you can resolve it" I reassured. "Is this why you're moving to Ferrari, next year?" I questioned. "You know" he looked shocked. I laughed, "Kind of hard to miss, when Toto is actively pursuing my god-son." I chucked. "One of the reasons" he added. "Well, I hope you find success" I smiled at him. "Can I hug you?" he asked hopefully. I nodded and opened my arms for him, he found himself wrapping his arms around my waist. The sensation was so familiar, it didn't feel like we were hugging after 18 years. I started rubbing his back, whispering reassurances.

"How long are you here for?" he asked while pulling away from the hug. "I'll leave tomorrow morning." I replied. "You live in Italy?" he queried. I nodded. "Stay, for a few more days. I just, I've missed you" he announced. I bit my lip, "Do you remember why we broke up?" Lewis seemed to think for a moment.

Flashback

"Il moroso" I croaked, my voice hoarse from the screaming match we were having. "No, Y/N I don't get it. Why is it so hard for you to be there for me? It's the least I can ask for?" Lewis yelled. We had been going back and forth, I was in my third year of university and going to all his races while trying to pass the semester and doing an internship was proving to be difficult. It had put a strain on our relationship. He was only in the junior championships and required travelling a lot, I couldn't imagine how much he would be travelling once he was a formula one driver. I hadn't been to a race in a couple months and it was not something I was able to do as often as Lewis wished with the time and financial constraint. In all of this Lewis had seemed to forget that I had a life of my own that I was trying to build while in a foreign country trying to pursue my bachelors.

"Love, you know I can't make it to all the races" I reasoned. "Well, the others can. Some how you're the only one who is so fucking busy" he emphasised. I let out a sigh trying to calm myself down. "I really wanna be there for you Lew, but it's just not possible right now. I landed the best interning job for my degree. It'll help me with my future" I justified. "Your job is more important than me" he probed. I could feel the tears ready to fall, "No, it's not. But you're acting like yours is" I explained. He let out a strained laugh, "Just say it, you don't care about me" "You're putting words in my mouth" I argued. "There are no words to be put, when that's how you feel" he taunted. I ran a hand through my hair, almost pulling at my scalp; "Damn it, Lewis, I fucking love you and I want to be there for you. But you are behaving like a child" I called out. "If I am such a child, then break up with me" he snarled. We had fought before but never like this. We never even joked about breaking up. "I just want to support you and watch you succeed. But that doesn't mean I'll get to do that beside you at all time, I have a life of my own too, you know" I tried to reason with him. "I will succeed, whether I have you around or not. I can't be with someone who can't prioritise me" he said. I faked a laugh, "Ha, says the guy who can't see past his stupid cars, you know what Lewis, I hope you succeed, I truly do. But I also hope you miss me and yearn for the woman that supported you through so much every time you succeed." I declared. "Now, leave my fucking house. We're through" I shouted while pushing him out before my tears started to fall.

I spent the next few days crying, moping around, eating a shit ton of ice cream and having Marco console me. That man really heard me pine and crib for months. The only time I was truly happy during those sad months was Andrea's birth and being asked to be his god-mother. I took those duties very seriously. That kid helped me move on from my first adult relationship and heart break.

Present Day

I've dated multiple men after Lewis, but no one stuck. I never even settled down because deep down my heart was still stuck on him. I kept up with Lewis's life until I graduated and slowly lost the time to keep up with formula one. When I heard he had won his first world championship, I was in London, working at my 9-5 when my colleague ran to me to announce that a Brit was the latest world champion. I saw his face plastered on the news and felt some sort of relief, watching him succeed like he said he would. I had almost forgotten about it all, until Kimi joined the Mercedes drivers academy. I had kept my space from all his races after he transitioned to single seat racing.

"You know what you said, the day we broke up, came true" he uttered. I gazed inquisitively. "About me succeeding, but missing you" he stated. I looked at him in disbelief for a moment, before the words came back to me, I placed a hand on my chest in shock, "I didn't mean" I said before I was cut off by "I know you didn't. But I did miss you a lot whenever I won a race or for that matter my championships." he smiled at me, reminiscing all those moments. I smiled at him sadly. "I'm sorry for ruining your wins" I mumbled. "You didn't ruin them. But" he said with a glimmer in his eyes, "there's a way you can make it up to me" I peered at him with uncertainty. "Go on a date with me" he said. "Lewis" I responded. "Y/N" he replied. "You remember why we broke up, I still have a job that I love and my life has really worked out in my favour" I commented. "So do I. However, you can not" he stressed, "cannot hold what I said at 21 against me." he announced. I ruminated on that thought for a moment, "Ok, but this is your last chance." "Love, do you take me for a fool? I would never let this opportunity go. I'll never repeat the mistakes of my past, I promise" he said while holding both my hands in his. I leaned in and pecked his cheek. "I'll stay back in Monaco for a couple more days. This is your chance to convince me why I should date you?" I stated. "You'll know that you want me in a couple of hours." he grinned. "Don't get too cocky Mr Hamilton" I smirked. He just leaned in with his breath fanning my skin, "Can I kiss you, darling?" he requested. "You gotta earn it, Hamilton" I teased. "I've waited for so long for this" he mumbled. "Then you can wait a little longer" I giggled. I felt a pair of hands against my waist. "I could've if you weren't this close" he said with our lips almost touching, he intently eyed them. "Maybe one won't hurt" I thought loudly, my resolve breaking. "Thought so" he chuckled, while leaning in to kiss me.

I might do a part 2, but like if you guys want one. I know where I want to go with this, if i write another part. If you like this lemme know, it'll encourage me to write the next part then thank you for reading!! Hope you liked it!!

[linkhundr]

So NFTgate has now hit tumblr - I made a thread about it on my twitter, but I'll talk a bit more about it here as well in slightly more detail. It'll be a long one, sorry! Using my degree for something here. This is not intended to sway you in one way or the other - merely to inform so you can make your own decision and so that you aware of this because it will happen again, with many other artists you know.

Let's start at the basics: NFT stands for 'non fungible token', which you should read as 'passcode you can't replicate'. These codes are stored in blocks in what is essentially a huge ledger of records, all chained together - a blockchain. Blockchain is encoded in such a way that you can't edit one block without editing the whole chain, meaning that when the data is validated it comes back 'negative' if it has been tampered with. This makes it a really, really safe method of storing data, and managing access to said data. For example, verifying that a bank account belongs to the person that says that is their bank account.

For most people, the association with NFT's is bitcoin and Bored Ape, and that's honestly fair. The way that used to work - and why it was such a scam - is that you essentially purchased a receipt that said you owned digital space - not the digital space itself. That receipt was the NFT. So, in reality, you did not own any goods, that receipt had no legal grounds, and its value was completely made up and not based on anything. On top of that, these NFTs were purchased almost exclusively with cryptocurrency which at the time used a verifiation method called proof of work, which is terrible for the environment because it requires insane amounts of electricity and computing power to verify. The carbon footprint for NFTs and coins at this time was absolutely insane.

In short, Bored Apes were just a huge tech fad with the intention to make a huge profit regardless of the cost, which resulted in the large market crash late last year. NFTs in this form are without value.

However, NFTs are just tech by itself more than they are some company that uses them. NFTs do have real-life, useful applications, particularly in data storage and verification. Research is being done to see if we can use blockchain to safely store patient data, or use it for bank wire transfers of extremely large amounts. That's cool stuff!

So what exactly is Käärijä doing? Kä is not selling NFTs in the traditional way you might have become familiar with. In this use-case, the NFT is in essence a software key that gives you access to a digital space. For the raffle, the NFT was basically your ticket number. This is a very secure way of doing so, assuring individuality, but also that no one can replicate that code and win through a false method. You are paying for a legimate product - the NFT is your access to that product.

What about the environmental impact in this case? We've thankfully made leaps and bounds in advancing the tech to reduce the carbon footprint as well as general mitigations to avoid expanding it over time. One big thing is shifting from proof of work verification to proof of space or proof of stake verifications, both of which require much less power in order to work. It seems that Kollekt is partnered with Polygon, a company that offers blockchain technology with the intention to become climate positive as soon as possible. Numbers on their site are very promising, they appear to be using proof of stake verification, and all-around appear more interested in the tech than the profits it could offer.

But most importantly: Kollekt does not allow for purchases made with cryptocurrency, and that is the real pisser from an environmental perspective. Cryptocurrency purchases require the most active verification across systems in order to go through - this is what bitcoin mining is, essentially. The fact that this website does not use it means good things in terms of carbon footprint.

But why not use something like Patreon? I can't tell you. My guess is that Patreon is a monthly recurring service and they wanted something one-time. Kollekt is based in Helsinki, and word is that Mikke (who is running this) is friends with folks on the team. These are all contributing factors, I would assume, but that's entirely an assumption and you can't take for fact.

Is this a good thing/bad thing? That I also can't tell you - you have to decide that for yourself. It's not a scam, it's not crypto, just a service that sits on the blockchain. But it does have higher carbon output than a lot of other services do, and its exact nature is not publicly disclosed. This isn't intended to sway you to say one or the other, but merely to give you the proper understanding of what NFTs are as a whole and what they are in this particular case so you can make that decision for yourself.

[evermorethecrow]

Any thoughts u want to share on the omegaverse au?

YES ACTUALLY QUITE A FEW

-Dazai isnt a omega or alpha but in fact a beta (it fits him so much trust)

-i have alpha and omega as the majority beta being far and few between + generally not looked into that much too?? some people dont really even think about them ( you go to your sex ed class its like 3 slides on omegas, 3 slides on alphas and then like 1 slide on betas thats like 'yeah they just have nothing happen to them' a lotta betas think they just havent presented yet)

-NO SEX!!!!!!!!!!! like for realzies ive been calling it the sexless abo au for a reason theres like none of the usual typical abo heat cycle shit , im Far from a prude but i wanted to do something non traditional and abo is traditonally a sex trope so yknow

-chuuya isnt a alpha omega or beta but a weird sorta combination??? a variety of factors (Lab, suribachi) fucked his biology over quite a bit, he presented real late (typical age in this one to present is like 13 he showed nothing till 16) and hes basically like all three of them depending on the day ??? his scent fluctuates and changes a ton ,entirely inconsistant, it'll full on like disapear entirely sometimes for like a week and then come back. as for the actual heat n rut thing (the thing people are here for </3 /j) he kinda like. has both. let me explain, he might go into heat or whatever and then midway through it changes OR he could have them back to back or like nothing for months its like again NOt at all liner.

-Back to the no sex thing, its not like a pg rated au its more i wanted to use omegaverse as an excuse to do a whole fic on various charecters relationships with sex, in usual evermore fashion. the omegaverse is a very gendered trope i feel a lot or at least its become that??? became that at some point?? its also a more sex focused version of our society you can really do a LOT with the omegaverse i find it real fun to play around with especially when it comes to charecters who dont fit into the ideas general society has (read: chuuya).

-asexual chuuya

-im also not doing any of that 'inner alpha' 'inner omega' stuff sorry to any fans of that </3 when it comes to compulsions like nesting or whatever i say its something either can have (either being alpha or omega) i think its just pushed more onto omegas and sterotypically an omegan thing

-oh also im giving them the fangs and claws because i physically cant NOt have some kind of monsterish parts on bsd guys everytime i have to design a bsd charecter with no supernatural elements a fairy dies

-AND this is set in the bsd canon world so abilities and such a still around, theres a high concentration of betas among ability users and abilities can effect the abo parts, maybe chuuyas so messed up because hes a singularity who knows??

I'll stop my rambling now but you get the gist of it

[creoterative]

Mateo or Yun chuan hcs

If dating someone

I imagine their second bounties are very telling

🥺

I. Am. So sorry.

This has been sitting in my requestbox since last week I think and I absolutely forgot about it, shame on me, really.

I'll go with the Lore again and make up my mind about it, because, I gotta admit it... I don't own them either... I can only read what is given to me on the Wiki or in animations... sorry :>

Again, I apologize for taking so long, but I've done my research and heeeere it comes - I'm gonna do both xD :

Mateo

It literally says in his Lore "The burning ember Mateo left behind must have melted the icy walls surrounding someone's heart."

So I'm gonna go with that, it sounds very symbolic and kinda nice for someone as ruthless and arrogant as him.

Mateo isn't coldhearted, but... he's harsh. Even finding someone to date him would be pretty challenging. I imagine him being quite picky with the company he keeps.

From what I've seen of him so far, the only thing he really wants to be, is a hero. The way to achieve this goal though, that, uhm... isn't important at all. He'll make sacrifices if needed, not if they are morally correct, so I think that's the same approach he'll have in a relationship.

Finding someone to date is hard enough with his character and story, but if he does, his affection is gonna be like an exponential curve. It starts of very slow, very low, just little sparks and turns into a flickering flame until it suddenly explodes and becomes a blazing tornado.

Mateo seems like the kind of guy to take his time with relationships and dating in general. He's slow, not wanting to pick the wrong person, but it takes one impactful event and he's head over heels.

He might become a bit... clingy after that.

In an affectionate way, but... it can be annoying from time to time.

It takes a lot for him to open up though since too many people tried to humiliate him in the past and of course he doesn't want that to happen again.

As mentioned before, it'll take time. But after the ice is melted, well, his significant other will have a friend for life and the force of fire and storms by their side.

He doesn't like physical affection though. I imagine him being more of a praise guy. If the significant other is talking to him, about him, with him, that's all he needs. He doesn't need long cuddles or movie nights or walks in the park. Talking to them is what he gets his energy from in the end and affection through words is what he seeks. In the end, he'll learn to return the favor.

Edit:

"You're safe with me" is said a lot. Does it work? Not really. Does he mean it? No, he knows quite well that his significant other won't be 'safe' with him at all. What he actually means is "Danger follows me everywhere, but I'm here to protect you at all cost".

Fancy is a word that might describe him, but that's a word to describe most of the characters in Dislyte. Fancy restaurants, fancy cars, fancy gifts for the loved one. But when it comes to the actual romance, he's... or he seems to be rather easy-going. Traditional. Stargazing, good food, talking... that's more his style.

Don't give him too much credit, the man will become even more arrogant than before and keep a personal record of the times he's been able to get a "You're so cool" out of his significant other.

Yun Chuan

Oh he's soft.

Dumb, but soft.

Well, not dumb dumb, more in an innocent way, he's just... uhm... slow. When it comes to dating.

I imagine him being quite determined and if he's set a goal for himself, he doesn't stray from his path, so dating is just the same.

Yun Chuan is sweet though and can be a real gentleman if he wants to, but on the other hand, if he finds a significant other, he expects them to train just as hard as he does.

That is more for their own protection than because he's demanding the same determination. He knows very well that he can't be around at all times, so he wants his love to be strong.

I think he's definitely more cuddly than Mateo, while also being more on the distant side. He won't cuddle when other people are around, but when they're alone in a room, yeah, then he's all in.

Depends on the phase of the relationship of course, because I imagine him being a bit shy at the beginning, not knowing what he can and can't tell the other person.

Much like Mateo, he is loyal to the end, but other than Mateo, betrayal doesn't affect him as much. He's kinda used to it and somehow even expects it, so while there isn't a constant thought in his back, telling him that they might betray him one day, he knows that it COULD happen. And all he wants to be is prepared.

Lots of talking about and playing with his little guard dog.

Aaalright, that's it, I hope ya like it ^^

Have a nice day and stay safe!

[expectiations]

What are some of your favourtie DoctorRiver headcanons? (Please feel free to yap. I love reading your thoughts on things).

hi lotus! i'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this 🥹🫶🏻

7 definitely had another meeting with River where he gave her tea, crumpets, and a kiss (and more) 😋

This is gonna be considered a hot take but I don't really believe the Doctor's first kiss happened at the end of DOTM. 11's first kiss, yes. But I def believe 10River had a kiss. So did 9River, so on and so forth. Not sure about War Doctor though. Maybe not.

It's like 10River meeting in the Library. It isn't really their first meeting BUT it is the first meeting the Doctor remembers.

post-Library River is the Doctor's wife on Gallifrey

Bit hesitant to include this here since you only asked for DoctorRiver headcanons BUT I believe the Doctor/the Professor/the Master are all bound together. Like marriage for humans but idk binding of souls for them I guess? I've been exploring that idea in my thoschody series 😋

the timelines are so convoluted during their time on Gallifrey. they don't really remember River/Melody after they had to flee Gallifrey. Gods this is heading into spoiler territory. Which also reminds me I need to update that fic 😭

9 goes back to the Archipelago sometimes to ponder on it. (slight spoilers for the 9River audios I guess)

The Doctor never misses a birthday or anniversary. (We are fucking ignoring that r+j fucking audio. That doesn't fucking exist to ME, thank you very much)

Older versions of married Doctor keep archeological tools tucked into their coat. It started with 11. 12 kept the tradition even though it took a long, looooong time before he was able to "bump" into River again. 13 did the same and it paid off when she got sucked back into the whirlwind that is a younger River (River recognized her but had to forget it was the Doctor). 14 and 15 still continues doing it.

Def know that 9 hated on his older selves for their treatment of River

Also 9RIVER LOML

Oh yeah, they had 13 children 😋 some of them were the Doctor's, some the Master's, a few were uniquely from all three of them (yes thoschody mention again hehe)

11River had a time tot. He was the one Patience found when she emptied the Sea of Life in her attempt to have a child. He would later grow up to become Susan's father.

The Doctor would often accidentally set medieval trends in their quest to make gifts for River

It was the Professor who helped the Curator acquire Gallifrey Falls No More

The Professor is, of course, post-Library River.

The Curator, the Professor, and the Lumiat – all settled down versions of the Doctor, River Song, and the Master at the opposite ends of Theta, Melody, and Koschei's timelines

It'll take a loooooooooooooooooooooong time before they all get there though

Why? For the plot of course 🧚🏻‍♀️✨

[guizh0ng]

Melon Brothers(:P)

Ever since the beginning, part of our family traditions is to have two of the eldest brothers to compete against each other to serve the family shrine.

So naturally I've been set up to go against you and the same goes to you, vice versa.

We've been competing and fighting against everything whether how nonsensical or important it was, it didn't matter, we just wanted to win.

It's family tradition afterall and family tradition is serving our ancestor's legacy,

I know we're meant to be rivals but deep down, you're still my brother, I want to get to know you better, know what you're interested at in this world we share.

I want to play and practice my moves with you and if we accidentally break something, we know we'll get in trouble but we'll just laugh it off, like the children we are.

I want to bond with you like the other kids in our town, I don't want to continue this charade of rivalry but I have to.

I can't break the family's tradition or I'll be seen as a rebel, I'm not.

So I continued our pointless, silly competitions like always, fighting for meaningless things just to know one is better than this than the other.

I grew to become fine with it because no one is getting hurt, I'm not hurting anyone and I'm slowly getting to bond with you in our own way, you'd know how to tease me and get under my skin in a fair use, I'd do too.

But I slipped up.

I held my blade near his neck and in a split second, I saw a smile tug in the corner of his lips, as if he's telling me he's proud of me.

I slipped again.

As I suddenly swung the blade to his neck as his head rolled on the ground and his body finally faltering.

The crowd has gone wild and I can subtly hear my father's cheer of congratulating me, all this because I slipped up and spilled up my thoughts when I didn't mean to so I had to prove my loyalty by killing him.

I wanted to cry, I just killed my brother afterall but if I did they'd know I have regretted it so I bit my lip and fought myself, I won't, I just won't.

Why would we smile at me? He knows that was his end and he smiled, FOR WHAT?!

Fucking idiot.

I can only remember blurry memories after that, maybe because I chose to dig it down in my head and forget all of it, I halfway succeeded.

Nowadays, I find myself writing letters for him.

I've written and rewritten countless of pages of writing all saying 'I'm Sorry' but asking him constantly why did he do that, that day.

But no matter how many questions I repeatedly asked him to answer I know it'll be left as it is because no one will ever receive it.

And, no matter how genuine my apologies seemed to be I know no amount of letters will rewind of what happened that day.

The worst part was, it wasn't even worth it as I stay in this old, dying, shrine, guiding it with all my might while the light inside of me rots along with it.

-Shimazu...

[youssefguedira]

One of the fan casts I’ve seen a lot is Hunter Schafer as Zelda. Thoughts?

image for reference because i had to google who hunter schafer was

i could back it? she'd definitely be able to pull off like. oot or twilight princess zelda (by looks alone i haven't seen her act) really depends on what they're doing story wise. but ultimately i don't particularly care what the actor looks like as long as they are believably link or zelda to me and i just. don't think the kind of "major hollywood actors" that people toss around when talking about it could really have that effect because they're too recognisable? if that makes any sense. also a bit of a tangent but i don't know if i WANT the zelda movie to adapt an existing game or a new one, though if i had ti guess it'll adapt something connected to botw/totk and that timeline if it is in any way tied to a game because nintendo is generally trying to move away from the 'traditional' zeldas so to speak

for context this is the hypothetical cast in the article i was reading earlier:

like i respect timothee but i think seeing him as link would just make me laugh. he's a perfectly good actor i just don't vibe with this. mr. holland. can we be serious here. respect the inclusion of dev patel and steven yeun but i think this would only work in a post-oot movie that was a tragic retelling of what happens to the hero of time / an exploration of the effect of All That. which won't happen but i think they could pull it off. we're very much dependent on how old link and zelda will be but if i HAD to pick from this list i'd say aramis knight (in ms marvel) because he's not as immediately recognisable and also he's around the right age for Link That Lives In My Head

moving to the zeldas. florence pugh are you KIDDING me. again i respect her i think ms pugh is very talented. but i don't think i'd want her to play zelda. ultimately it comes down to the fact that link and zelda are almost always teenagers and i want the movie to lean into that. especially because AGAIN this won't happen but i would like an examination of the impact of being declared Saviour Of The Entire World at approximately 12-17 years old. though i guess this could also work with an adult link and zelda but that would lean towards more of a drama than a Big Action Fantasy which is what this will be. zendaya again can we be serious i don't think this would work. personally i'd go w/ kathryn newton or stephanie hsu on this list tbh. or hunter schafer i think she'd be a pretty good choice on vibes alone but ive never seen her in anything (euphoria?)

the article also included these as cast possibilities for minor characters and when i tell you some of them made me choke on my water

i respect natasha lyonne as navi because that could be funny. the others are just. really. something

sorry this answer was super long and also not coherent i should inform you that i am running on approximately 2hrs sleep today. so. but if anyone wants to further discuss zelda PLEASE do i am going through a mini phase rn

also as a second tangent. my ideal zelda plots:

skyward sword zelda during her time on the surface because you could have some REALLY good conflict between her goddess side and her human side and the way she slowly realises she has to manipulate link

zelda becoming sheik in oot!!

my roommate pointed it out the other day but i haven't been able to stop thinking about it since: majora's mask stop motion movie in the style of gdt's pinocchio. directed of course by mr Fucked Up Fairytale del toro himself

[bidaubadeadieu]

calibree for the ask meme! 1, 6, 17

Ahhhh thank you for asking! Sorry it took me super long to get back to you. Though the d&d campaign that Calabree was a part of ended a few years ago now, she just recently showed up again as an NPC in my playgroup's current campaign, so she has been on my mind. (Thanks @wymanthewalrus for reprising her!)

1. What drives them? What is their ultimate goal?

Calabree thinks a lot about power. She is an "I would be a good benevolent dictator" type. She is extremely self-assured and would say something like "Absolute power might corrupt you absolutely. Not me though. I'm built different." Her ethical code considers mostly equitable outcomes, not fair rules and processes, which also enables her to be a "steal from the rich to give to the poor" type. She grew up feeling really disempowered due to a prodigy younger sibling who was clearly the family favorite, leading to her decision to run away from home and take matters into her own hands to find a community to lead, somewhere where she can be admired. And she does want to genuinely do good and help people and make the world better, which can conflict with her inexperience, but the admiration is a big part of what she wants. There is a fundamental misunderstanding she has, where she seeks leadership positions because it will finally give her the power she needs to help others, but in reality it's the reverse; people become respected leaders over time by consistently helping others.

6. How have they changed in the last year? The last 5 years?

I'm a little bolder with a wider range of ages of my characters now, but when I made Calabree, I made her my own age, and I was 21 at the time. So a lot of how she's changed has been, broadly, coming of age! She had some early, fumbling attempts at sexual relationships, she's left home for the first time, and she's taking her first real for-pay jobs. She's learning to discern who is worth looking up to and who doesn't deserve their station. In this way, of course I see myself in her! More concretely, her relationship with religion has also changed. Gods played a very large role in the campaign in which I played Calabree, they were among the most important recurring NPCs, and though Calabree didn't grow up with a traditional pantheon, she became interested in appeasing the ones she met, getting on their good side, as part of her wider plans toward acquiring power.

17. They're crying, what did it take to make them cry?

There are a few patterns among the characters that I seem to always like to make, things that appear again and again. One of the big ones is denialism. I really like to play a character who maybe knows something deep down, but will not face it head on. For Calabree, this manifests as a kind of unearned confidence. She is very sure of herself. You may recognize this trait in my character Liz, from our Dragon Heist game, too! (this denialism is in my OC Yulia, too, though it manifests in a different way and I can't talk about it without spoiling some ppl for our ongoing d&d game)! I find it is simultaneously a source of comedy (funny for Calabree to punch above her weight) and dramatic irony/tension (I know she's being dumb even if she doesn't know it herself). What makes Calabree cry is being ripped from that fantasy of her own competence, especially if she has been played or manipulated by someone else (and she's a low INT sort of character, so this happens with some regularity). She's got strong bodily awareness, so she'll feel her throat tighten and her face flush with the embarrassment of suddenly realizing she's deeply out of her depth and it'll only compound itself and make her feel even more out of control, which makes her want to cry more.

But thank you for asking and giving me an excuse to rotate her in my mind!!

[bretha-stitchwitch]

*deep breath*

So, here's the thing.

I used to write like breathing. Like something that both felt utterly natural and utterly necessary to survival.

I announced as a precocious seven year old, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, that I wanted to be a world-famous author "like Roald Dahl".

(There's an entire digression into how poorly his work has aged and the debatability of his fame, and that's not even touching on the mess that is the current sanitisation of his works and both the erasure of authorial intent and control AND the blatant money-grab by the publishers, not to mention the tone-deafness of the edits AND the fact that an old dead white dude's stuff is getting rehashed instead of highlighting new authors and stories... but that's not what this post is about.)

(This post might be full of similar run-on sentences; I'd apologise, but it'd be an empty gesture given that I'm pretty sure it'll happen again, and saying sorry is meant to mean that you're not going to commit the same act again, and, well... *gestures at this entire parenthetical* we can see how likely that is.)

So yes. At one point, and for a significant portion of my childhood and teen years, I fully intended to make good on that pronouncement. Moreover, I thought it would be easy to do so.

Writing certainly felt easy, and was something I both loved doing and felt compelled to do.

And then it was not.

I've told friends and friendly colleagues who've asked in the past why I stopped, that I am afraid, and could trace that fear back to a single class in university.

It's glib, but not entirely untrue.

It was a Creative Writing class, and we had a guest lecturer - a professional editor from the traditional publishing industry, talking about the realities of said industry and day-to-day work for editors like them.

It was insightful and illuminating, and some of the class left the lecture invigorated and excited to overcome the obstacles to becoming a successfully published author.

But I remember feeling my dreams shrivel and wither, as though they were delicate mosses blasted by sudden heat or sunlight.

Because I was suddenly confronted with the reality that my dream wouldn't be easy and might never come true - and that I would be just one of hundreds of others like me, lost in a crowd, not special or notable.

I had been a big fish in a little pond for so long, writing as easily as breathing, stories bubbling up inside and exciting me as I spilled them out onto the page.

And suddenly I knew that I was no longer that big fish. Suddenly, I knew I would likely face countless rounds of rejection and indifference, even ridicule, for the stories I wanted to tell.

I didn't have sufficient self-esteem or confidence to withstand the imagined scorn. In the span of just 40 minutes, I imagined everything that might be said of my writing, assumed it all to be true and warranted... And just like that, I no longer found writing as easy as breathing, and in fact was struggling to breathe as well.

(All this was probably exacerbated by undiagnosed autism and accompanying rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but since I'm still undiagnosed I can only offer that to my past self as hypothesis rather than known fact.)

I've tried, at various times, to recapture the old joy and excitement of storytelling. TTRPGs have helped - one glorious hybrid LARP with a heavy (and unplanned by the poor STs) online RP component certainly did the most to reignite the passion to write. Between myself and one friend, we wrote over 20,000 words back and forth in the span of 48 hours, which I then took and turned into over 30,000 words of fleshed out description and narrative that still holds up after 5+ years.

But each time, the fear crowds back in, smothering the fires of creativity, suffocating the flow of stories, and I sit there once more, staring at a blank page and gasping.

And I'm tired of letting the fear win.

So I'm going to try something. It'll take time, far longer than any of my childhood writing projects. It may go unfinished for years, possibly unfinished full-stop (though I am certainly going to try my best to finish).

Because for the first time in a long time, I can feel a story bubbling up, itching to be told. Multiple stories in fact, so many little stories woven into a full and whole cloth to become something greater. An anthology stitched together by a meta story behind it.

And all of those stories, instead of shrivelling or withering, seem to be waiting patiently - not delicate mosses, but hardy fungi flourishing secretly in the dark, waiting for a chance to burst forth.

And I'm reminded that the fruiting body of a fungus, marshmallow-soft, can punch through concrete when it finally comes time to sprout forth.

So. I might not breathe stories like air any more... But perhaps I can cultivate them like mushrooms.

This blog is the embodiment of that hope. It's a promise to myself to at least TRY.

[newtafterdark]

Sorry if this has already been asked before;

What is Beauty's favorite/best way to relax at the end of a very stressful day?

It fully depends on the type of stress, I feel.

If it's physical, especially after a long day on the farm, several shifts in the medical wing or scouting missions - yes, this man tends to overwork himself - it'll lead to a nice drawn-out bubble bath, some re-heated leftovers & fresh fruit… and the whole thing of music, candles and petals. Sometimes he does it all for himself, but most of the time the folks in his polycule get that stuff ready for him. It's part of their routine at this point, especially during specific harvest-important weeks of the year.

If it's emotional stress however… he only recently learned how to deal with it on a healthy level. He was used to pushing it to the side until eventually a breakdown would happen, but he's learned a few helpful things, thankfully.

Even if he himself becomes a bit non-verbal at the end of such a day, that doesn't mean he has to stay away from folks. Nowadays he will activily seek out a group of folks who are having their own conversation already going.

Most of the time he has the energy to sign, but when he doesn't, the others accept that & even have learned to read his microexpressions quite well.

He'll just sit with folks, bundled up in a nice soft blanket, a hot drink or a bowl of soup and wear nice comfy clothes, listening to the conversations until he falls asleep.

Also - he 100% has the tradition of giving himself cake every time he has to come out in some way or another to another person. It doesn't have to be cake, he reminds fellow queer folks - but for him it's always cake. The more ganache and whipped cream on top, the better. Coming out to folks isn't as stressful as it used to be to him, but it's still draining to a certain point. So, a treat for him, to congratulate himself for pushing through, again and again.

[theburninggalaxy]

Atla live action real time reaction - ep1 Aang

(Minus the first five or so minutes cause I forgot, also i havent looked at any other opinions so if i like it and everyone else hates it or i hate it and everyone else likes it then oh well)

Ok why is Aang basically flying without his glider. Like ik technically he's not zaheer type flying but it still feels WRONG cause. Just take your glider with you.

Oh god please no I'm gonna get all invested in a thriving air temple fuckkkk

IT WAS A CELEBRATION THEY ATTACKED DURING A FUCKING CELEBRATION

That's a lot of bison

Ngl it does make more sense that it'd be a gathering of all air nomads instead of staging four simultaneous attacks and then spending years if not decades trapping them

Why are the air nomads getting involved in a conflict. Like. Even as a defence force that's unlikely to happen cause then otherwise s4 of Korra wouldn't have been predicated by Tenzin saying they're gonna break from tradition and become involved. Like yh some sort of response sure but seemingly sending some sort of volunteer force? No.

Imma say it now or I'm gonna be massacred when it comes up later: I don't like The Storm. And I really hope that by getting Aangs backstop changed here they also change when we get Zukos.

Ok I really like the scene where Gyatso tells Aang he's the avatar. I love the emphasis on their relationship and I hope it continues past ep1

OH JESUS THE ACTOR FOR AANG IS BETTER THAN I EXPECTED OW

Ehhhh this monologue feels very forced and I don't think it's necessary? The point would've gotten across without it imo. Just add another scene of Aang being a normal kid instead.

Also I don't like how they left out the social isolation he felt after everyone found out

With that said, I do like when Aang and Appa hug, it's a good setup for their friendship

I also don't like how it isn't Aang running away? Like. That's the basis for a decent chunk of his arc?

Jesus Aang was close to being killed

I'm not sure how I feel about the bending. The airbending looks fine but the fire and earthbending look a tad off. Maybe it'll get better once I see it in any light whatsoever. Why aren't scenes lit anymore why are people in movies and shows nocturnal.

While I agree that the air nomads fighting back is the right choice, I don't like how there hasn't been a single mention of their philosophies.

Ok I'll admit the back and forth between appa over the ocean and the battle at the temple is pretty neat.

Would've been better if we had any evidence that the comet is doing anything

This is pretty explicit violence bloody hell not what I was expecting. Not sure how I feel about it and how it's gonna work with the more lighthearted aspects

The music is cool.

I'm sorry but I just found Gyatsos death a little goofy

Cool iceberg

Why is Katara in the ship. Idk I don't like how they keep missing small things cause the small things are pretty important to character arcs

Why is the Southern water tribe so big

And why does it sound like there are multiple settlements in the south Pole.

No.

Wrong.

Ok the Sokka lecturing kids scene works well

Whys Sokka serious. Again.

Ehhh don't like how Kataras waterbending seems to be a secret from the village. Dunno why they did that.

Why haven't I heard a single joke from Sokka. Did they learn nothing.

Why didn't they find Aang correctly. Just. Why. It's such an important scene for establishing their characters.

Whys Zukos scar so small

Ok we got a little sarcasm

Ok Zuko is pretty much bang on just turned down a little

Iroh needs to be more lighthearted

AND THE FUCKING CABIN NEEDS TO BE LIT BLOODY HELL BRING BACK LIGHT

I'm gonna quote "but for me it's my destiny" until the end of time now

But where's the honour?

Aang is rightfully confused. A much more logical reaction than to ask someone to go penguin sledding and not caring what's going on

What the fuck. Where's his glider. That's just fucking wrong.

I'd like Sokka to make more intentional jokes but I am finding the dry sarcasm and humour decently funny

Ok the actor for Aang is way better than I was expecting

Why is Gran Gran saying the line. And why now.

Why is she saying all this. Why haven't we had any proper interaction between sokka and katara and aang.

Zuko needs to be angrier. Right amount of angst not enough anger.

I like Katara but she feels too old. Like I knew someone who was the type of 14 year old that Katara is and she feels older.

Zuko however. Yeah. Spot on. Its painfully and embrassingly familiar I do not miss being 16

Ok I really like Aangs explanation of bending. It ties it all together and brings it back to balance really nicely

I'll admit the moment where Katara bends is nice. Bit of a deviation but I'm not too mad at it? I hope it doesn't set a president for removing kataras agency

I don't like how him being the avatar is revealed.

Katara hope count: 1. Zuko honour count: 0.

Also where'd the water tribe get all the wood?

The music is pretty good I will admit

The water tribe kids fighting back is nice

Wait so Aang has his staff but it's not a glider?? Tf????

Ooh I'm a fan of how they're doing Iroh, minus the lack of lightheartedness (which. Is becoming a theme.)

Ok I'll admit, Sokka screaming on Appa is pretty funny

Might just be me, but imo Zukos desperation when he first saw aang out of his cell is really apparent yet really subtle and I love it

Ok I like how Aang apparently can't fly without smth to bounce off that's something

I'm in two minds about the change in what Sokka and Katara are doing. On the one hand, I like Sokka catching Aang. On the other, the fight with them there had some great moments and I'm sad that they're not here.

Nvm I fucking love that Katara was the one to stop the fireball

JESUS THE KID WHO PLAYS AANG IS A GOOD ACTOR I ALMOST CRIED WHEN HE SAW GYATSO

Not a fan of the lack of fun before finding out about the fire nation attack

The slow motion "Aaang" made me laugh I'm sorry I just find slow mo inherently funny

Seriously tho Aangs actor is some of the best child acting I've seen in a while

Yh they're definitely going with unintentionally funny sokka. Which. I don't like. At all. I get that they're aiming it at a different audience but still. Intentionally funny and goofy teenagers exist.

Having said that, I am enjoying moments like "oh is that all" I like the humour, it just isn't sokka

Zuko drawing I am accepting that as canon after the war he does art constantly to help him relax and during book two he'd use sticks to draw in the earth when he was bored I am accepting this as canon fight me.

And that's the episode! I'd say a 6/10 on the cartoon accuracy (0 being you know what and 10 being a moment for moment exact replica of the cartoon) a 7.5/10 on the "does this feel like atla" scale and an 8/10 on the enjoyment.

It's incredibly obvious that this is a show for teens. My 10 year old cousin loves atla and I would not recommend showing it to her. Personally I like the idea of making it for teens, partially cause it might allow for deeper exploration on a couple of things that wouldn't be appropriate for a child audience (Zuko and Ozais relationship in particular) however I think they've slightly missed it by cutting out the more lighthearted moments.

As for characters: Sokka is wrong but is just about recognisable, Katara and Iroh are pretty solid but do feel a bit wrong due to changes to events and lightheartedness respectively, the actor for Aang is fucking incredible imo but Aang really does suffer in the writing from the darker tone but ngl with this actor I don't actually mind it as it does still feel like Aang, and Zuko is almost perfect literally just needs a bit more anger.

The special effects are fine. I like how they're doing airbending and the firebending and waterbending are fine. Doesn't really add or detract anything to my opinion really. However I do like the costumes, they're simple enough to be recognisable but detailed enough to be realistic. I really like how much Aang blends in at the air temple but stands out in every other environment, its the sort of thing that can work a lot better in live action and I hope they continue to take advantages of the medium instead of just assuming live action to be the default.

There are some changes I really don't like (the way the find Aang in particular) and some I really do (seeing Aang in the air temple). I think the general vibe is a sort of alternate dimension atla where it's geared towards teens instead of kids. It's fundamentally the same show, but still very distinct in a way that could be its greatest asset or its downfall.

[daemon-in-my-head]

Sup, sorry for the delay but here's some local beliefs that most certainly helped me to view elves more as horror creatures rather than just pointy eared humans.

First and foremost, a little spoiler: in Germany we have that thing where basically every county has its own culture and belief system. While some parts of the country are helle catholic and have a lot of traditions and culture based on their belief, others, such as the region where I grew up in, are still heavily influenced by other belief systems (my nice way of saying; everyone still believes in the old gods). Which is also a longwinded way of saying, this shit is so fucking localised that myths, legends and old German dialects may very well be described as city-based and I'm in no way claiming this to be a country wide bit or smth. Like my own grandpa who lives (and has always lived) ~30 minutes away from the city I grew up in can't understand the dialect or knows of our dishes and traditions. It's madness. So if other people have other takes: kindly share and help me be even more normal about it.

With that out of the way though; here 'elves' are personifications of nature and frequently act as judge, jury and executioner of humans. Often the later.

For example, a famous story I grew up with is the story of the Wu, a forest guardian protecting the locals and their forests who even has a, dare I say, shrine, built at the biggest tree within the most extensive forest around.

The 'story' itself comes down to this: if you happen to venture into the forest while it's dark outside, you best stay on the forest trail. Should you happen to leave it, you will get to meet Wu and one of two things might happen to you; a) he judges you a good person, or you happen to be a child. In this case, he will lead you back to the path and out of the forest, no harm done, and you might want to visit again in the daytime to relay your thankfulness. Or b) he judges you as a bad person. Which you generally wouldn't want to be perceived as, unlike it has always been your dream to become a literal midnight snack. Cuz he'll just fucking kill and eat you. Safe to say you will not be leaving that forest again.

And the Wu is a so called Alb. Our name for those humanoid human height just very human-esque nature spirits, aka what everyone else calls 'elves'.

Our elves, however aren't just well versed in the taste of human flesh. They also happen to drown/suffocate, hex, choke or bludgeon humans to death depending on what the fuck it is you did to piss them off.

There are for example also lake/river/sea and dike versions of the Wu (not to be mistaken with nymphs, merfolk, spirits or sirens), who will mix with the human population for a number of reasons but should you follow them back to where they came from (while it's dark, or sometimes just in general) it'll usually end with you finding a gruesome death. Or if you look at them the wrong way. Or if you settle too closely to them. Or if you step into their territory. Or for fun. Arguably, they usually go with drowning or bludgeoning rather than cannibalism(?), cuz these elves tend to just devastate the entire region. Fun fellas, really.

Now as for the general depiction of these creatures they're usually described as ethereal, very beautiful and very sun like beings with their males usually being slightly taller than the average human, so that's on point at least (and often also one of the contributing factors why people decide to fuck around with them against better judgement).

Overall beliefs regarding our elves are very much based on norse mythology (alongside some other traditions, see for example the one married couple of merfolk that torments a few specifc islands for fuck all reasons) but got warped during the Middle Ages (where they were considered personifications of disease and death and demons much like incubi and succubi, probably inspired by the shadow elves from the edda and hatred for all non christian belief systems) and then somewhat reclaimed over the course of time which led them to have the current interpretation. Aka them being capable of being friendly, protective and wise helpers of heroes and humanity but also incredibly fucking nasty if you do cross them. Which is the majority of cases. Either way, very much not just pointy-eared humans, that's what would pass as a fairy here though (Titania and Oberon for example are fairies).

And cuz idk how to transition from the previous to this, here's some more random trivia I know thanks to my obsession with mythology and it's modern translation:

Our word for nightmare and a lesser known word for lumbago are 'Albtraum' and 'Albschuss' respectively, insinuating that these things happen to you because of one of these creatures. Which tracks.

Media, at least the vast majority, still refers to them as Alben or Elben rather than elves. Or the media I'm exposed to anyway.

Speaking off; in the translated version of Tolkiens books (and movies) the elves are referred to as Elben instead. Apparently he himself requested this term to be used when he found out we have such a word? Honestly pretty cool move.

Thanks to the series using the term 'Elb' or 'Elben' the previous lesser known term supplanted 'Alb' or 'Alben' as the more widespread term to refer to these creatures too. Casually changing language with his universe.

At least based on my grandma's family's stories, elves are also part of the wild hunt, which once again adds extra horror because our version of the wild hunt features Odin and his fellas hunting every poor soul that dared to leave laundry hanging overnight. It's not even only white laundry smth, it's all laundry. I'm still not allowed to leave it hanging during that period of time unless I want a good nagging (I wish I was joking).

Much like the DnD elves ours also like hanging around in very light clothes or naked. Because human flytraps work better if the humans blood circulation is focused on other parts than the brain.

The whole DnD bit with Drows and surface Elves is straight up ripped from the Eddas depiction of light and shadow elves, the light ones being almost godlike and hanging with the gods vs the shadow ones being personifications of death and decay. Also the dark elves who existed but nobody liked or offered sacrifices to. Aka half elves in the DnD setting.

There's also a poem about a poor elf that woke up too early for the daily 'dancing the night away' bit elves do, confused humans having their lights on with their kins festhalls and then went on to hit their head on a wall. There's no moral there's no other ending that's all there is to it. Comedic relief to distract from all the men eating.

Regarding Wu: a common response to being accused of something is to say it was the Wu's fault. But people may also respond to being asked a question by saying only Wu knows. Perfect representation of the relationship locals have with him I'd say.

Dwarves and little men-like creatures are usually considered humans little helpers and signs of fortune (when they are not actively drowning people because they, too, have a tendency) rather than elves.

If you actually want benevolent, non human killing creatures you might want to consider ghosts though, as they're usually the nice guys who just hang around to continue protecting what they lost their lives for.

And last but not least; fairies are usually tiny little winged humanoid creatures who are generally nice but step on a fairy circle or smth and you still get your ass whooped. Though, at least as far as I'm aware, they don't outright kill people. Or I just haven't heard the right stories yet.

Summarised: elves = inclined to be assholes that may or may not cause death and/or natural disasters. Sometimes for incredibly banal reasons. Preferably by drowning. They look pretty doing it tho.

I’m opening the can of worms here but I mean this question in the best of faith.

Can anybody/is anybody willing to explain to me why elves are so popular? Is there something I just missed with the media I consumed?

They’ve always just been like. Fine to me. But I wonder if it’s because of the media I read and the order I read it? I had the hobbit read to me as a teeny person and then I really latched on to gormenghast style fantasy pretty early on so I feel I’ve missed a developmental stage of something.

[lexinympho]

Oikawa yawns and types out another well practiced response to someone's congratulatory text, managing to spice up his "thank you"s just enough to not seem like he's throwing out the same two words over and over.

He does mean it everytime though. He was delightfully surprised by the impromptu party his teammates put together for him, and quite literally spent hours talking to his high school friends, even walking decades down memory lane with Iwaizumi. He received numerous messages and comments from fans online, giving attention to the whole community through post instead of singling out a select few. As for gifts, it's reminiscent of his time at Aoba Johsai when he'd spend all day and the next going through everything.

Yeah, happy birthday to me.

Except it's not happy because it's sundown and he has yet to hear from you aside from a quick text you sent him around midnight at your time. It's something you'd previously told him would unfortunately happen today (of all days) due to your livelihood and job. You always had the tradition of being the first to wish him happy birthday right when the clock hits 12, so the fact that you didn't say anything to him until hours later is telling of how busy you must be.

You made sure to stress that you'd speak with him more when you find the time though, which he understands, but that doesn't really help his loneliness as he waits for you to call or at least text again before his day is over with.

Oikawa will say with certainty that there wasn't anything he deeply hated about being a professional volleyball player. Occasional annoyances of travel and adulthood in general are a given, but all of that is something he'd grown to live with, to the point that most of those annoyances simply fade into the background and become the new norm.

Being thousands of miles away from you is not a norm, never will be. It's much more than an annoyance that could easily be dealt with or accepted for what it is; not being able to see and hear you in person is something that grates at his soul without ever holding back. His phone can only do so much to ease his woes by allowing him to communicate with you from Argentina, and he can count on one hand how many times either of you physically met since his endeavor.

So, Oikawa can say with certainty that he deeply hated this. The conflicting time zones, missed calls or texts being caught up on later, and just not being able to hold you nearly as much as he would before pursuing his dream.

He turned back to his phone when he felt it vibrate in his hand, proceeding to sit up in bed so fast that his blood is rushing to catch up with the fast change in elevation. He paid no mind to the dizzy spell however, being much more invested in his phone the second he saw your icon appear. He doesn't wait to answer your call with an excited, "Hello!?"

"Excited much?" You quipped, but the guilt in your words was clear as day when you said, "Sorry I couldn't call sooner."

It's fine, is what he would say if it were at all fine, so he instead says, "It couldn't be helped, you had things to do."

"Well..."

He discerned the playful undertone to your voice when you trailed off, "What?" He makes a mental note of the background noise consisting of other voices and the sounds of busy people, They definitely aren't home right now.

"I actually got off of work early~"

He asked with a quirk of his eyebrow, "And what, pray tell, did you get off early for?"

"For your gift you volleyball addict." You don't let him retort to the lighthearted jest as you continue, "I needed enough time to get it ready and shipped over there."

"Shipped?" You speak as though you just got the gift together and sent it out today, meaning he definitely wouldn't be seeing it today. "Wouldn't it have made more sense to do it like a week earlier?"

"It would've arrived too soon then."

"I'd rather it be early than late, don't you?"

"Who says it'll be late?"

He hears a car door close on your side, but again decides to not comment and chooses to answer, "The clock that says 10:53 pm behind me."

"The shipping company says it should be there in 5 minutes or so."

The more you speak, the greater his confusion becomes. He jokes, "You must've paid triple for fast delivery."

"Something like that. It is a special one," you laugh with him before sighing, "Well, I have to go now, but keep an eye out for that gift."

"If it gets here on time. Otherwise, it's a belated gift."

"Right, you'd never let me live it down." Oikawa catches someone else's voice after you say that and nearly asks about your whereabouts until you pipe up quickly, "I really have to go, but I'll see you later, okay? Love you!"

You hang up, preventing him from calling you out on your little slip of the tongue.

'See you later'? Maybe it was an accident. Yeah. They've done that before.

Though he brushes aside his suspicions, they swim around his brain for the 5 minutes you'd informed him of earlier as he lingers on his phone for a bit longer. The longer he mindlessly scrolls through social media, the more apparent the red flags from before become now that his brain's had time to wake up and think over the phone call.

There's no way your job would let you leave at 10 am when you go in at 7. The earliest you've ever managed to take off was 3 pm, any earlier only being possible for emergencies.

Why would you wait until now to tell him about a gift, let alone send it? You aren't the type to be late with things like this, so it doesn't sound right for you to be sending it this late.

And speaking of sound, where the heck are you? You took advantage of his tired state and managed to avoid any mention of what you were doing. You even cut the call short.

...I'm too tired for this.

As badly as he wants to close his eyes, he does want to see this "special" gift you promised him. He doesn't get much time to wonder what the gift is when he hears 3 oddly familiar and solid knocks at his front door.

"Coming!" He yelled through his 8th yawn, drowsy yet anticipating while dragging himself out of his room to answer. Another red flag waves in the back of his mind once he reaches the door, this time reminding him of how much Iwaizumi, Mattsun, and Makki asked about you while not explaining why.

Wait-

His confirmation comes in the form of you, visibly exhausted yet overjoyed to see him as you jump through the door frame to wrap Oikawa in a hug and exclaim, "Happy birthday!"

He's still processing how he didn't realize what you were doing sooner, blaming it on the long day he'd had that wore him out.

He soon hugs you back, still surprised but feeling the infectious elation from you, and says, "You're the gift, huh?"

You lift your head to sleepily grin at him and respond, "I said it was special, didn't I?"

He's compelled to smile back, "Yeah, you did."

He's just a few steps away from hitting the hay, his social battery is low from today's events, and he hardly spoke to you until now.

But you're here, and that's truly what matters most to him, so he supposes his birthday is happy this year.

©lexinympho 2022, please do not edit or repost my works anywhere on this platform or another

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 1806

Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.

Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

June 2021

Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"

Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"

Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.

"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.

When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"

He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.

"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."

His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"

The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.

Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.

He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.

"What are you going to wear?"

"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"

"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."

"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"

For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.

Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.

First, his stepmom is not–

Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.

Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.

So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.

Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.

The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.

Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.

Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.

Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.

Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.

Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.

Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.

And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.

Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.

So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.

Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.

So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.

But... Yes, there's a but...

Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.

Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.

Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.

Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.

Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.

And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.

That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.

But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.

And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.

"I can't wait."

"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."

"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"

"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."

"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"

Wait. His mind goes blank.

Fuck.

What? Did he hear right?

As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.

Fuck.

He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.

Fuck.

When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"

Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"

"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"

Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"

But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.

I'll go! I'll fucking go!

He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.

With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."

He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"

Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"

Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?

Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."

With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.

Y/N. Fuck.

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