#if this fandom isn't a safe space for you and makes you unhappy you have every right to leave and no one should be aloud to shame you

[mqfx]

unfortunately my most prominent jyl thoughts start with the soup. & im no expert on ancient chinese kitchens, but given that lotus root & pork soup is something that simmers for hours, i think that as much as the soup is an act of service & a tried and true "we dont have to talk about it" comfort tactic, its also... a great excuse to duck away from everything going on. the kitchen being the safe space, so to speak! and overall jyl seems more avoidant than confrontational? i havent read mdzs for the details in years can you tell but i think theres a good chance under the right circumstances she could have become jfm 2: shijie edition, in which she can read emotional cues fairly well and she doesn't want anyone to be unhappy, but how proactive she might be about resolving a situation is entirely based on how secure she feels. im not forgetting her valiant defence of wwx "i take insults against him seriously" moment! but theres a difference between an eroding stagnant unhappiness & a situation that is more clear cut. im just not confident about how she would raise jin ling in the whole (waves hand) jin situation if she had not been collateral damage. is this making sense 😭

this is all true but let me make clear that my problem with how the fandom conceptualizes jiang yanli is NOT the soup. I'm not mad about the soup and in fact since it's one of basically three things that we even know about her at all, it stands to reason that when we think about her we're Gonna Have To Mention the Soup.

and one can (if one cares enough about her, which I'm sure you do anon) draw reasonable conclusions about her character based on this thing that she does. after all, everything is (supposed to be) important in a given text. I don't disagree with anything you said. she is a careful, conflict-avoidant person due to her tumultuous childhood with abusive/neglectful parents; despite this, she possesses strong morals and protective instincts. I don't think she would've been bad at raising jin ling because unlike her parents, she and her husband actually loved each other and communicate instead of willfully misunderstanding each other then bottling it all up (if she had married someone she didn't love, then yeah she might've been jfm 2. either way we'll never know because guess fucking what mxtx did)

my ISSUE, which fandom can barely acknowledge let alone address, is that "soup" has become a convenient shorthand to refer to her, but it's not a quality. it's a thing that is associated with her, not her personality. this isn't fair! "avoidant" is a trait, "comforting" is a trait, "kind" is a trait, "average" is a trait, soup's not a fucking trait! and some of that is just the general fandom trend of flattening characters in fanon, but the fact that she's a woman and therefore not paid as much attention compared to the ~Complexities~ of the men doesn't help

and I get that sometimes it's not that serious, sometimes it's for Joaks, but why is it that even when joking people can come up with all sorts of qualities for the men but when it's her it's just that she cooks soup? and in more serious discussions, why is her sole purpose apparently to be emotional support or tragic motivation for her brothers? (because mxtx herself wrote her that way!)

why did mxtx not delve into her reactions or point of view (mdzs is the only one of her novels with switching pov, so she could have)? or even just written more scenes with her? (CQL notably gave the women more scenes. the book is abysmal on this regard.....and in others)

tl;dr mxtx did a shit job of developing her character and that of the other women, and fandom makes this problem worse by not giving a shit. the feedback loop continues. your ask and my answer combined are already more words and effort than mxtx spent on writing her

[joelscruff]

I honest to god feel dumb asf asking this but your page feels like a safe space so here goes... do u ever feel like you're addicted to fanfic (in a negative way)?! these days all I wanna do is read fanfic/smut and it's impacting my actual day to day life. the dopamine hits be spiking when I find a good fic then crashing when it's over. I'm in an amazing relationship but find myself comparing it to the world of fanfic - the fictionalised sex, perfect male characters, alternative universes... 1/2

2/2 I guess my question to you (and anyone else out there who's experienced this before) is how to consume fandom/fanfic in a healthy way without being in a heightened state of arousal searching for the next hit all the time... sometimes it really does make me sad that all this longing for one man and his FICTIONAL characters is completely parasocial and only ever will be just that. IS IT JUST ME am I a special breed of pathetically unhinged or can others relate?!

i think we all (or at least most of us) have been there! like anything i think when we find a hobby/interest that we really like we can often hyperfixate and become obsessed for a period of time. i wouldn't worry too much!!! if you legitimately do feel that it's messing up your life/relationships then maybe figuring out why that could be is a good starting point. if you're unhappy with certain things in your life it's normal to want to escape those things through other means. fanfic is a pretty harmless medium compared to other things you could be turning to so i think that's a positive!!

escapism is totally normal, we all do it. it's important to remember that we can't escape forever and we all eventually have to face the reality of our lives, but taking some time for yourself to escape through fic isn't a bad thing. i personally read fic almost every day and i don't think that's negative or unhealthy, to me it's no different than reading a book/essay/poetry collection etc etc, it's just a form of literature. comparing your own life to literature is also a totally normal thing, but at the same time if all you find yourself doing when you're reading is comparing things to your own life, there might be an underlying issue there. maybe talk to your partner about it or someone you trust if you're really starting to worry!

at the end of the day there's no shame in reading fic/being turned on by fic/getting off to fic/ etc etc!! i personally don't think there's anything wrong with consuming it often, it's just like any other hobby. but if you're genuinely worried that the quality of your life is suffering because of it then it might be a good idea to talk to someone 💕

[jayteacups]

goodbye (+ good riddance) 2023...

(we're getting a little personal and sort of vent-y in the first half, sorry in advance. for that reason, reblogs are turned off)

2023 has been, to put it lightly, one of the worst years of my life when it comes to personal stuff. Things at uni took a nosedive real fast, basically. I'm now working on a transfer application to another one, and it looks like I'm gonna be a student for way longer than I expected, which really isn't helping with my FOMO, because my uni experience made me deeply unhappy compared to everyone else I knew, who seemed to be thriving. This also isn't helping with the feeling that I was lagging behind everyone else in the race when I was once in the far lead. Right now I don't want to go too into detail about why I was unhappy, why I'm transferring, so I'll leave this at that.

I also lost contact with one of my closest friends who I've known since year 10, who actually went to the same uni as I did, and that hurt. I still have complicated feelings about her because on one hand, she and I were really close in uni and we shared a lot of happy memories together, but on the other, she hurt the feelings of two of our other friends on separate occasions, and they no longer talk with her because of it. Though neither her nor the two other friends made me feel this way, I always felt torn between the two 'sides'. So I still don't entirely know how to feel about it all, and am still kind of processing it, to be honest. Not only that but some really exhausting online drama behind the scenes happened in spring/summer of this year as well (iykyk lol) which was upsetting because this little internet bubble is a safe space for me and many others.

All that aside though, some really great things happened on here this year. Although I didn't get to write as much as I thought I would (due to the aforementioned personal stuff affecting my mental health and my ability to create) I've made many friends here this year, and I cherish you all dearly, even if I don't talk with some of you guys as much as I would have wanted. I hope to talk with you guys more in the upcoming year! Being in a fandom space, where I can talk to people with a common interest, and reading/writing fics, is something I always look forward to, and often brightens up my day.

I am going to make my resolutions here: to write more and improve my craft (because I have so many more ideas), do better in answering and reaching out to people, both on here and IRL, to work on my mental health and myself as a person because I have been sorely neglecting that this year, and of course to get my shit together when it comes to time management, procrastination and compulsively scrolling on all my socmeds. That doesn't mean I'll not be around next year, because I most definitely will (Levi brainrot go brrrr), but I'll try to control myself and make my relationship with socmed a little healthier! I think I may try to not be on it first thing in the morning, and only for a set amount of time per day, for example. (sounds simple but I really do need to get organised lol)

If you're still here and reading all of my waffling (sorry for subjecting you to that lol), thank you 😂 I've scheduled this post for right before New Year's, by the time it posts, I'll be out with my friends, so I won't be back on here until some time later in the morning. I'm wishing you all the best for the next year. I love you all and am so proud of you. Here's to 2024, and here's to better things.

–Jay 🫶🏼

[eric-cartman-my-beloved]

I know that's probably considered an unpopular opinion today, but I actually like the idea of constructive criticism in fandom. Particularly in fics.

There are so many people that get mad about the idea of someone leaving a potentially helpful tip or two in the comments of a fic, and I don't really understand why.

"BuT tHe cREator DiDn't aSK FoR It!! Fandom is supposed to be a safe space!!1!"

First off, by no means is the internet a safe space, but I digress.

Let's say that you have one of those relatively common cases of young writers who are just now beginning to write fanfiction and they tend to clog an overly long text in a single paragraph. It's in no way harmful for someone to leave a comment saying, for example: "I like how you did X and Y but please consider separating paragraphs more often".

When you take up a hobby, isn't the goal to progress with it, eventually? Of course the main goal is always to have fun, but if you're given a chance to evolve your skills related to it, why not take it up?

Let's take a random hobby - knitting, for example. If someone else, more experienced, who does knitting for a longer time than you do comes and tells you: "I think that's a very nice effort! I really like how you did this and that but maybe you could work on your technique with Z a bit", why wouldn't you see this as a chance to think certain things through and not get angry as if they were purposefully trying to personally offend you?

And I get that there might be some things that people don't like to hear. But you know what? I think that sometimes, in certain cases, people should listen to things they don't like. In fact, I would say it's helpful. (Even more so because at times it feels like a lot of people have trapped themselves in their own personal bubble and refuse to listen to things that could make them even slightly unhappy.)

So, yes, I do think that constructive criticism - when it is actually constructive and not just hate, of course - should be brought back. (I do believe it was somewhat prevalent in the older days of fandom.)

[doveyeellie]

The way some of you treat people who will leave/already left this fandom because of this situation is disgusting....

[therenlover]

Hi Jac! I know we don't talk much at all, but I couldn't help but notice that you haven't posted lately and I just got a lil worried. I hope you're doing well, but if not I want you to know that I'm here if you need someone to listen to you.

Love ya <3 (feel free to ignore this if you'd like)

Hello all! I've been meaning to post an update here at some point about my life and where I've been, but extenuating circumstances made that difficult for me. I figure this is as good a time as any for me to let you guys know how I'm doing.

Firstly, I am safe, happy, and healthy. I started college in mid August and moved far, far away from home to a place I'd never been before. It was terrifying and new but was also the best decision I've ever made in my life. I thrive here. I have friends, I go out, I get my schoolwork done, and I'm in the process of getting a job for next semester so I can save all my refunded financial aid and start building a repayment plan for my student loans early. Overall, life is better than it's been for me in a long, long time.

That being said, if you've followed this blog at all during periods of activity, you'll know that all is not always well for me. Even now, as I've been doing better than I have in longer than I can remember, that is still the case.

A minor but consistent and significant factor in my disappearance from Tumblr is just a lack of time and energy. Though I only have 5 classes, a normal course load, I spend a lot of time out of my room, either being with friends, working on homework, studying, or just existing on the campus and enjoying what it offers. Soon enough, I'll also be working shifts. Overall that doesn't leave me with very much time to be spent on long-haul, high-effort personal projects like my fics. It isn't that I don't wish I could provide you guys with more of my writing. I just don't even think about it most days, because I'm so distracted by the rest of my life.

The major reason I haven't been active, though, is a past relationship.

As some of you may know, I was in a relationship with another Tumblr user for a period of time. Things did not end well between us, and though the issues within the relationship were not something I would fault either of us for, I fully acknowledge that the messy way the relationship ended was entirely my fault. I was exhausted, unhappy, and did not know how I could possibly navigate my situation. I'm not proud of the choices I made at the end of that relationship, but it was what had to happen. Things would not have gone well if I had stayed.

I worried that, because that tumblr user has a much larger platform within the fandom than I do, I would not be welcomed here anymore. I was willing to not engage with you all to allow them to have space and to avoid creating unnecessary drama if I could help it. Generally, I felt a lot of fear about coming back here. I still do. Overall, though, I understand that my choices were my own, and the consequences of those choices are also only mine to deal with. I also bear no ill will towards my former partner. I hope they're doing well.

Finally, on a much happier note, I'm not producing fanfiction because I'm happy.

Writing has always been a way for me to express emotions in a healthy way while creating these wild, fantastical situations where I, and by proxy, all of my readers, feel loved. When I was alone and afraid and miserable I would supplement my heart by making a world where I had what I needed. I'm in a place now, though, where I don't need that anymore.

Shortly after my last relationship ended, I found my current partner. To keep this brief, they make me insanely happy. I feel emotionally and physically fulfilled, and they constantly help me become a better, healthier person. I've met their parents and will be staying with them over Thanksgiving break. Overall, I feel no inspiration or need to create right now because there are no holes in my heart that need to be filled. We just finished watching Wandavision today and had a great laugh together about the whole "Ralph Bohner" situation, which got me thinking about all of you.

That, my friends, is why I'm here.

I don't know when or if I'll return to tumblr, and on what level that will be. I also don't know what direction I might take my blog next once I do. What I do know, though, is that I'm safe and happy and think of the people I met on this website often.

If you have questions, or just want to say hello, my ask box is open and I'll be on and off the site today as I work on some stuff. I miss you all and hope you're well <3

[grimreich666]

So once again we are to this point when it comes to the Christina + Ruby server drama. Now I realize I made a YouTube video that explained my disgust of certain Fanfic Writers writing community of Lovecraft Country that write for the Ruby and Christina fandom that's ran by Kswhateverspace and Hernameisjaye. Now know it looks like I bullied somebody but that's far from the case, as every action has a reaction. Now because the situation I wasn't going to go too much into it until, someone told me about the twisted mess both Kwhateverspace and the other admins were saying. And it had come to alot of my members attention that they done stuff with members in the past and it has clearly made people unhappy to a point where they aren't talking in thier own server. When it comes to the Ruby plus Christina server owned by Kwhateverspace, I joined with decent intentions and it thought it was a community that shared a love for Christina and Ruby, but it turned out to be a Sixth-Grade Mean Girls Special on Crack. I never wanted it to get to a racial points between servers, but it is looking like these white women with a Misguided Black Woman as thier Server Owner, obviously do not know what true racism is and how to handle their power as Admins and accept others opinions. And the saddest part is that not just me but other members have been kicked out for absolutely no reason and I don't know if anybody seen Kswhateverspace Blog. But everything on there is just about a lie, she claims that all of us violated the rules but nobody was given any warning before being kicked out. Now mind you I do know that the rules exist but the rules should have been implemented for more extremer conditions, but none of us members took it to that level. The issue that I have with the other server is their ability not to gauge a situation at any kind of frequency of balance as they just kick off people who they don't like. A friend of mine who's in my Discord now got kicked for absolutely saying a joke it was nothing that was malicious or ill intent to these people, and while I get that respecting their mental health as Fan Fic writers is a thing to do, me and others always supported before we started reading racist ass Ruby and Chirstina fics. This friend of mine was enthusiastic about reading their stories and very supportive and we all kept a good positive energy that could be see in my current Discord. The issue that the Admins on the Christina + Ruby Server is that they made someone's enthusiasm for a story seem like it was an issue with harassment and that was not cool eespically when she meant it in a LOL kind of way. There was no reason for her to get kicked off just like there was no reason for my other friends to get kicked off and there was no reason for ME to get kicked off. I understand people were all into safe spaces and making safe spaces but as Admins they should've addressed thier complaints to people in warnings, but the kicked people for simply commenting. Thus making thier own server and its members uncomfortable to be themselves and thats when becomes a dangerous place and if I hadn't of known that I would've never ended my own server to expose my friends to their toxicity. The issue between the Admins is that pride themselves on being Admins, but the lack leadership skills and comprehension skills necessary for it. For me as an Admin if there was an issue with a person's comments I would talk to them in Dm's and warn them. So for them to say that they're not big on public warnings that is fine, but when you do not privately warn somebody for a simple comment and for them to get kicked the next day something isn't right. Also how can a behavior improve if there is no communication between an Admin and their members? Me as an Admin I dont function that way, I always take the time if someone comes to me with a complaint to address the person on DMs. And if you read Kwhateverspaces blog on the issue and the screenshots nothing she says parallels to the intent in which these comments where said.

The issue that I have with this group is there ability to flex around their power an act like we had did something so wrong when we were simply just expressing our opinions. And we were well within our respectable means to address our opinions in the saddest part is that these admins are white within a predominantly black server and they do not get our way of culture.

Now as for the next member who was kicked it was totally uncalled for as she questioned why I was gone due to the fact that I told Hernameisjaye to learn her Black History due to the fact that she and another member Agent Sheryl did not understand why I did not think Christina was racist I had a whole You Tube Video about it. So they knew my opinion on it and why they chose to double team me on an opinion was so uncalled for. So when I made the comment that I'm sorry if I dont want to be black and militant to a character that I dont find as racist she flipped out on me, and kicked me I never called her anything I told her the truth and if you've seen my YT people know I could've taken it alot further with these Birdbrain Hoes. Nevertheless until a certain point I thought we were having a decent civil discussion, yet she took it out of context very fast when I said what I did and as for the Black History factor you could see that they were giving no concern to it and only cherry picking my words to make me seem antagonistic to them, as I was telling them about the harm that white women had done in history vs Christina Braithwhite. Now mind you I had told Hernameisjaye several times that she is entitled to her opinion and I was entitled to mine and it's as you could see on the time stamps. At one point I thought it was a civil discussion, that was until I got kicked out for it. It's clear that these Admins have no commonsense to read a room and come to a basic agreement, even as I was telling them they have an opinion and I have mine and I respect it. And yes I was mad for the kick and I did warn Kswhateverspace that I would be going to my platform with it and she even gave her approval of it as I do have the screen shots for that as well.

Hernameisjaye along with Agent Sheryl had been going on a Christina is racist rant for two days, and both were very antagonistic to those in the Serious Discussions Discord Server, who engaged her. I even went so much so to agree with her just to shut her up, yet she kept on at agonizing me and another member to the point of harassment. It was clear that they had spoken about us, before as they were so ready to kick us AGAIN WITH OUT WARNING US PRIOR. Now I will be continuing the Dandybear situation on part two. However I find it messy that these Admins cherry picked our conversations that me and the other member thought where civil and tried to turn it into something uncivilized on our end. This is the same kind of intent that always happens when it comes to black and white people, it always happens that a white person says something out of line and then when black person gets mad then they act as if the black person had antagonized and started the situation. Hernameisjaye is really sad at this point to try a tactic like that, and it's detrimental that shes allowed racism into her group, but has dropped the people that meant her no harm with there opinions as FELLOW BLACK WOMEN.

The Admins Kwhateverspace and Hernameisjaye claim that they want freedom for people to express themselves, but they act like bullies when the situation is not to their favor. Yet it was after the fact that told a lie and still continue to tell one after another member and I were kicked, that made the situation worse. You can read the screenshots of my responses on Kwhateverspaces blog or this one qnd you can clearly see I did nothing in the wrong, as I was coming at Hernameisjaye as one black woman to another. And if she had talked to me in DMs and cleared things out maybe I would've apologized for the comment even if I personally thought I wasn't wrong for it, as I had no shame in my game to apologize even when I'm not wrong.

YET the point I cant stand the most is that they overreacted to a statement I made, and yet they allowed a racist fan fic writer to stay in group. It is clear these Admins don't have thier heads on straight as they kick us out for having a simple opinion or objection to common discussion. Now I do understand there is a level of what Admins can take and what they cannot take, but when you do not make those boundaries clear and when other members make their boundaries clear when your antagonizing them, and you still keep doing it theres something wrong with you as a leader. All I have to say is look at the screenshots and out responses to ours.