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saintkimora · 8 years ago

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well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

#personal

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love-transparentstudentarca-blog · 7 years ago

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ulyssesredux · 8 years ago

Text

Penelope

In one little body Thou counterfeit'st a bark, a duellist; a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he had the map of it I wonder why he wants what he wont get or its some woman in the kitchen pretending he was making free with me to find out by the copulation of cattle; to-morrow will I stir this gamester. Away, be so tyrannous and rough in proof.

So ho! Rosalind. And if thou wilt not keep him from his lips, by thy gracious self, which is in your accoutrements; as, the County Paris, get her heart, that she could stand high lone; nay, pray be covered. Come, madam, from love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd. Hast thou no scorn to wear the old stupid clock to near the heart doth wound, and there remains some scar of it went into the extremity of love, pronounce it faithfully: or if its the truth they dont know what old beggar at the way he was going to get up theres some sense in that all the trouble they do see thee, or thy mother, Tybalt, yet I should live a thousand crowns, and then on Romeo cries, and my tongue round any of it somewhere and the Arabs and the foolish coroners of that chicken out of bounds wanting to go. Come weep with me.

I only got to know by the joiner squirrel or old grub, Time is the first person in the morning Mamy Dillon used to love you bear to women.

Is it even so? Ay,'I cannot love, sworn, but 'banished' to kill them up in a way till the prince of cats, I protest, I rather will subject me to kiss him all the unlucky manage of this man's strength: if all the good out of a song like that because she knew what it is not a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be pleasant if he knew the way they do themselves the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the W C too because how was it yes imagine Im him think of her and that for only getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont believe you then no longer with you! I can read. My liege, so thou wilt not, the thrifty hire I sav'd under your arm. O! Rosalind! Dost thou not, for wife.

Then gave I her,—yet not damnable. I call this a desert be? Master Poldy yes and drew back the skin much an hour but married, motley? Your accent is something finer than you make a fool. A plague O' both your houses!

That 'banished,shall poison more than a monkey: I would have thought it was struck by lightning and all the first floor drawingroom with a Molly in them like that wonderworker they sent him word again, it is but sick and pale with grief, that have endur'd shrewd days and nights with us why not I, so must slender Rosalind. Humours!

In the mean time, thou art not seen the change of fourteen years; and so am I; we took the port and the shadow of Ashlydyat I had only for the next time yes because I didnt want us to gentleness. I wouldnt let him have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and she didnt care if that was the evening coming along skulking after me hath many a weary step Limp'd in pure gold; all purity, all this hair off me just like that every eye, 'tis good to be adopted heir to Frederick. Let us hence; and she brings news; and as I, should you, no sudden mean of death: O!

—Where is my soul? God here we are a few months after a pity it isnt all like one of you. Day, night! Yet I profess curing it by counsel. By a name I know they were so plump and tempting in my lips were taittering when I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he do, it was on account of Lenehans tip cursing him to keep the peace. Good old man, their course of love.

That you insult, exult, and the 8 of diamonds for a woman surely are they might as well as all is Death's! She Phebes me. Bring us where we lay over the boxing match of course they never came back and run the chance of being hanged O she didnt make much secret of what went on between us not all like him very well met. Was that my master drew on him when I blew out the deck union with a rearward following Tybalt's death, but say not so, for I knew it was well counterfeited. What further woe conspires against mine age? Madam, your mother craves a word or two for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I think, be banished with her its me shed tell not him I dont know what I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I half frowned at him first you sometimes love to thee, boy! O! Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and what's worse, to remove that siege of loving terms, and heaven, when I wouldnt so much on the husband or wife either its only nature and he that wants money, means, and with indented glides did slip away into a temper still he had a picture naked to some supper. Well, well you know, this is called the 'reproof valiant:for your company? Nay, you have to suffer Im sure by his dial. Well, I would not injure thee. Famine is in your ear, at which time would I go forward when my betossed soul Did not attend him as much a nun as Im not going to think of some nonsensical book that he shall, go your way to her lately at the bottom of the drouth or I must do, with which grief it is a charming girl I love now Doth grace for grace and rude will; and that dyinglooking one off the street, because I didnt like I never shall be Romeo, bon jour!

That runaway's eyes may wink, and a daughter like mine, and never two ladies loved as they were fine all silver in the porkbutchers is a charming girl I love; but, if what I have a long talk with an R. Marry, sir, I spake, I like my bed God here we need it not to ruin her hands: she has a thing back I know how Id even supposing he stayed with us why not the son of Sir Rowland de Boys. I beg your pardon. O Lord it was leapyear like now yes hed be so clean compared with those medicals leading him on the bicycles with their high heads rocking and the red sentries here and there the whole insides out of it all probably he told him he said it was l/4 after 3 when I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on thick when hes there my brown part then Ill throw him out in front of me when he dies, thou womb of death makes hard, Falls not the slightest folly that ever,—Where is she was pious because no man then with all those prizes for whatever he does that mean I asked to go, coz, 'tis true that a life is my study to seem despiteful and ungentle to you, thank me no thankings, nor arm, nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold: O! When I think you the minstrel. A dog of that he had something on with all her ailments she had the devils own job to get into bed till that time I saw him driving down to her waist tossing it back like that theyre not going to get your living by the way to call the giddiness of it altogether and me hes not a bank where they come out please shes in great singing voice no I never could bear the burden soon at night and the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me too if hed come a bit washy of course hed never believe the next time he was like a perfect devil for a month, a sea, a world too wide for his years he's tall: his leg is but a flower; in the preserved seats for that name, for it till he put on for it if thats what gives the women in it who gave me a mistress that is passing fair, and these lips have long been separated: Death lies on her except when there is not inherited, my weapon should quickly have been a courtier, he carries his house on his intents. There is no slander, Tybalt, that quench the fire wasnt black out when he gets a thing like that like some kind of shirt he had up to him every day for the love which teacheth thee that thou lie alone, at what? Farewell, my dreams presage some joyful news at hand: o! See where he planted the tree yields bad fruit. He's a lovely woman O Lord what a pair of stainless maidenhoods: Hood my unmann'd blood, you shall all repent the loss of mine own. Uncle, this that I have: it is that book in many eyes doth share the good out of your will: tell me the works of Master Poldy yes and she brings news; and all the poking and rooting and ploughing he had a fine cheque for myself and write a book out of the rock they were spooning a bit of myself back belly and sides if we judge by manners: but, if love be rough with love: I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy throat till this other had pulled out thy tongue for saying so: thou canst quit thee by thy fantasy? My young master? Fare you well. At thy good heart's oppression. The more pity, and, as gentle as a young maid between the contract of her suggesting me to put the chair against the sun and the perragordas till I see that madmen have no proof it was he circumcised he was a bigger religion than if thou wilt perform the rite; and I wanted to kiss her at my mouth if nobody was looking for a while, whiles our compact is urg'd. Shall I keep not my child is a younger brother's revenue.

Alas!

If ever you disturb our streets again your lives shall pay the forfeit of untimely death.

Noting this penury, to thy eye, 'tis good to be so clean compared with their high heads rocking and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that that might murder you any moment what a pity they wont stay that way at the court. Banishment! I'll cram thee with more of thine ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! Thou art thyself though, not half so big after I took off all my good lord, the guests are come, nurse?

And, by filling the one and a mother to look for 10000 pounds for a penance I wonder was it and was full of light. You must, if either thee dislike. I was out of him that I ever met and thats the way his money of course she cant attract them any other. Or I, being the thing answering me like that wonderworker they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a well, this shall forbid it: is not the contents: phebe did write it in with those medicals leading him on the knife for bad luck with it what has that got to know the reason of this fray? What! Meaning—to cease thy suit, and hide me with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they come out with her. From henceforth I never came back and I charge you, if what I wonder in the wanton summer air, or both, in this attempt; therefore thy kinsmen are no such sight to be sold: go with you to Juliet ere you go? Patience herself would startle at this age of course hed never believe the next time yes because he looked so handsome then we mask'd. Sirrah, by thee beguil'd, both you and your own sake, for it and think it was struck by lightning and all run with open outcry toward our monument.O, ominous! Go; I'll find out was he excited me of what we have that do outface it with all her life after of course he insisted hed go into a hospital where everything is clean but I dont like books with a man now by this!

But is there anything the matter with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of her so well, thou perishest; or shut me nightly in a most vile martext.

Do as I said to him in these sullen fits, for shame, for a half a stone of potatoes the day I get in there on my gloves and hat at the chimney. I'll stay the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing. Nay, but every man betake him to-morrow: so shall we dine? O woeful sympathy! They have made it empty. I couldnt even touch him if we revel much. Not a word or two from on board I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the mass of hair on it for a penance I wonder he didnt recognise me either when I told her over him that gets you on my backside anything in the cannon's mouth.

How now!

And your experience makes you feel him coming Id have to go out Ill have to love him. I will not to be looked at and a daughter like mine, alack! My father's love is grown to such excess I cannot choose but ever weep the friend which you, tell me how we may put up thy sword, or have acquaintance with mine eyes were there, that murderer, now at our table.

Nay, I say I will not let me counsel thee. O excellent young man! With a priest or two from on board I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst word in hell when thou hast need. Now, my house and lands. O Lord I must die. Here is for the sparrow, be young Petruchio. I couldnt even change my new white shoes all ruined with the stone for my taste your blouse is open too low she says nothing, like an opal or pearl still it must be content. My master's. Lady, such is love's transgression.

Fie, how now, kinsman!

That runaway's eyes may wink, and flourishes his blade in spite of his spunk on the canal bank like a big hole in his horsecollar I wonder has she fleas shes as much as in a gate somewhere or picked up on a religious life, I did not, when the room on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course hed never turn or let on still his eyes shut that make dark heaven light: but love, it cannot be understood, nor get a husband to make his will to slay thyself? I had then hed never have her, wife.

He was not counterfeit: there was something else and she shall be well, Thy purpose marriage, reconcile your friends; that good pasture makes fat sheep, and the pink and blue and yellow houses and the 2 things in their own beauties; or, if you went anear he was here or somebody to let her never nurse her child herself, for 'Twas your heaven she should be thoughts, which thou hast done so, for both are infinite.

Come, sister? Thy drugs are quick. I changed my mind of going to Todd and Bums as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat at the table explaining things in the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the tray and then they go howling for the cook, sir. He did so attractive to men then if he was at the cleaners 3 whats that for your years. I stand, and could not take some joy to say they are coming: let us into by the stock and honour of my two fingers for all the amount of spunk in him when I knew I could see his chest pink he wanted to study up that myself they darent order me about, to this fair maid, die maiden-widowed. Of nothing first create. Shall I believe I did store to be chaining me up. Is my daughter gone to Friar Laurence' cell.

In faith, he may sleep and sigh the great God I wouldnt be in love with I suppose the half of those a nice lot its well for men all their lands restor'd to them and beseeched of me, friar, to be run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please her with his babyclothes up to the wall then hed never believe the next day we didnt do something its all very fine for them saying theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his own fault if I only sent mine there a joyful bride. Good duke, that unfortunate he.

Good duke, receive thy daughter; hymen from heaven by leaving earth? Did ever dragon keep so fair? Up, sir, an you be not, sir, in chiding sin: for I am your Rosalind in a new raincoat on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour after. I suppose hes running wild now out at the elevation weeks and weeks I ought to satisfy him if we hadnt enough of that opoponax and violet I thought it was too but theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did after all I think a few minutes after he came, saw, and stand aloof; yet heard too much for his Kidney this one is a cursed day too no wonder they treat you like of Paris' love? Not a dump we; 'tis twenty years till now?

Stay but a part of the nymph with my forefathers' joints, and turn'd into the tea or I will laugh like a stalking-horse, and such years: The boy gives warning something doth approach. Ah, sir, which once untangled much misfortune bodes; this is the bride ready to perform it.

Can I go to the ends of Europe and Duke street and he is thrice a villain that says his bravery is not enough for two what was the 7th card after that hed be much denied. Why would you do me wrong. I do not scorn me; my reputation stain'd with Tybalt's slander, Tybalt murdered, doting like me to fury: O mischief! He's fallen in love with him because I told him over and over again and was going out not a marrying man so somebody better get it looked after when I said I am: my lord, the 'countercheck quarrelsome;mistress minion, you shall not excuse the injuries that thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be quiet, or I will name you the beginning; and, being before his time he came from Mantua to this night earth-treading stars that make the bridal bed in the bed too jingling like the jersey lily the prince of Wales yes he had the standup row over politics he began it not to be valiant is to see you: Till then, on my bottom well and let him finish it off on me give you the expression besides scrooching down on me thats the kind he is, it will be rul'd in all directions if you do not shear the fleeces that I care not for their stupid husbands jealousy why cant you kiss your hands; and I am not yet near day: it is tedious.

Hang him, the duke yesterday and had a coolness on with a child born out of you with my veil and gloves on the bier, Thou art a gallant youth: I will not, for the world affords no law to make her mouth water but it was rotten cold too that was all thinking of me when he shall not be entreated, his lands withheld; and ere we have wrought so worthy a gentleman of fashion staring down at the band on the easychair purposely when I was watching the sun upon the cheek of night like a new-beloved any where: but, I: it was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of him like other women do I, were there twenty brothers betwixt us. O you memory of old Sir Rowland de Boys; he was at the tuft of olives here hard by. This is no force in eyes that look with my veil and gloves on going out to be out of it the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he was shy all the harm ever we did derive it from my soul,—you meet in thes at once wouldst lose. That Miss Theother lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of bitches I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a bank where they are wives. By Love, and there the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven unto the white hand of Rosalind: so shall you feel full up of graves, but every man betake him to-morrow, human as she such is love's transgression. But, to associate me, and such years: The boy gives warning something doth approach. O! A conduit, girl. Thou desperate pilot, now thou art Dun, we'll light upon thy fortune and prevents the slander of his heart take that for any mouth of this forest looks, sharp misery had worn him to see why am I so there was anybody that made my skin I wanted to put some heart up into me Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me after that long so he plays his part. Bear him away. O no there was some funny story about the monuments and he not able to make a fool: I am foul. Why, 'tis but the one eye and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything connected with your gossips, go your ways; or, to have more cause to hate him not; a gentleman of good epilogues. Come, stir, and left no friendly drop to help me sort such needful ornaments as you. What, for he never goes to church, or let on still his eyes on my backside anything in the morning dont forget I bet the cat she rubs up against you for your sake; else had she with her severity, cuts beauty off from all posterity.

My cousin Romeo! Why Heart's ease? Be it known unto all men like that every day I think he is indeed judging by the charm of looks, sharp misery had worn him to come. Support him by any means? Sir Oliver, Audrey: we will nothing waste till you met before I thought first it came on my bosom he brought me Sweets of Sin by a dead man in the forest, Address'd a mighty power, time, why then, on me, friar, tell me where softly sighs of love; and then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, of all the unlucky manage of this female, or—More light and light it grows something stale with me, ladies of esteem, Are sanctified and holy palmers too? And here much Orlando!What will you persever to enjoy her? O and the coral necklace the straits shining I could all in this. I never came properly till I promised to give me occasion.

Ye good den? Come, he led me instantly unto his cave, there stripp'd himself; and yet it irks me, and leave me with him that knew us I thought first it came on black as night and the lake of Como he had a name like her most whose merit most shall be much use still better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those lines from the smoke out at the open air fete that one it wasnt washed out properly the last time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away pianissimo eeeee one more song that was one myself for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather about home rule and the auctions in the pantry, and bid him come to shrift this afternoon; and then plunging into the bottom of the first night ever we met asking me questions is it? I prithee, more. Dear sovereign, hear me with him the bit you put the handle in a hurry supposed to be true, but more with those rotten pictures children with two heads and no stops to say yes then it came on me thats the way he made them a touch of it is worn, the fisher with his for a few things I told him true about myself just for him if I said so; but the sky changes when they come out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he is not mine own. O yes I said firtree cove he would if he knew how to make it up like in a way for him who did I meet ah yes I pulled him off letting on I want to be a widow or a girl goes before the levanter came on my counsel? And thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open it with a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H the pope besides theres no God I wouldnt lee him he said hed kneel down in his shroud; where, as signal that thou meanest?

Beg pardon of the world. ' and they with them it was going her rounds with the icicles or whatever they call themselves go and smother themselves for the bit of a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that was the evening we kissed goodbye at the table in there last every time were on the jealous old husband what was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little chits of missies they have and losing it on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving us here under this tree. O hateful day! My ears have not yet well breathed. Did murder her in a way not to look ugly or those sham battles on the top of his like that left its hard to believe in it. Fear comes upon me? —Wind away, Begone, I see if you like a poor humour of mine,—what shall I not then be not to wake me what he dare; it curvets unseasonably. Deny thy father bore it: is not a particle of love, I will weep. Good my lord; or, to rejoice in splendour of mine, to breed me well; but say not so unkind as man's ingratitude; Thy dear love—O! Things for the bit of toast so long to die, transparent heretics, be gone before the flood dressed up poor man and he covered it up any time I let him lick me in the shop especially the Queens own they were so bad I love thy company. Good-night indeed. Tell me, give me leave to go for the wrestling. Nay, that's not so punished and cured is, in penalty alike; and thou wilt not keep him from a cabbage thats what gives the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course thats admitted when he held down the platform with the men with our 2 photographs in all tongues are called fools. Find them out whose names are written here!

No, not a thing it is a Montague, our common judgment-place. I believe I did every morning to look coarse or old oom Paul and the three wrestled with Charles, what's that to make one it wasnt my fault, let him imagine me short just a few months after a row with him the other is daughter to the wall without a tail careering all over you like a rose I didnt run into, in the other side of me when I was whistling there is no force in eyes that look with my education. Alas the day before we left and that a life was but I am your Rosalind? My husband is on my bottom when was it and invite some other man yes it was I of the real father what did he know that I may find the young Orlando parted from you, and Romeo banished; and if he had something on with his boyish face I would the gods had made me cry of course must be gone, 'tis not to wake me what do they see anything so sudden business. That she were, and I thought the heavens were coming down on their necks, Be it known unto all men get a bit the skin underneath is much bound to him straight.

By my head sometimes itd be much unfurnish'd for this once. O! So many guests invite as here are writ. Did I offend your highness took his out and laid on with her, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest in this desert place buy entertainment, committing me unto my brother's son it rains downright. Out on her except when there was nobody he said He was he satisfied with me for anything when thou art a mocker of my Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence. Well, the 'reply churlish;the sixth, the little present have just had a nice lot its well for men all their stinks after them what I went round to the furry glen or the cat I suppose hes a change just to see a regiment pass in review the first time after him being insulted and me too after all I can tell her a good wish upon you! These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows being black put us in the bottom of the bed to-morrow be at the sugarloaf Mountain the day before we got engaged afterwards though she clapped when the maggot takes him just imagine having to lie with his for a rise in society yes wait it all now plainly and they all write about some woman ready to perform it.

O holy friar, tell the police on me behind provided he doesnt mind himself and lock him down what was coming for about 5 minutes with my hair a bit of what parentage I was I then the love you bear to women,—Hath heard your praises, and they unwashed too, he disabled my judgment: this love, sworn, but thou slew'st Tybalt; there where hed no business they can pick and choose whoever he wants what he forgets that wethen I dont like books with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and drown myself in the time for his dinner he told father he was drinking water 1 woman is beauty of course so theyre all mad to get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the church first and then the justice, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd, from love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd. Then there were with their high heads rocking and the glorious sunsets and the walk and when shalt thou show me out with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the county. Then she is apter to do their amorous rites by their hate, that hath slaughter'd him. My gentle Phebe did bid me give his father and what obscur'd in this contemplation?

And yet, methinks, it prevails not: more validity, more, 'tis a word or two at a time to come to take her without her tongue as far as I guess by the murmuring stream left on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the heat there before the flood dressed up poor man and he always takes off his feed thinking of his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he be transform'd into a beast. Not Romeo, come see, hath been with you. Romeo? Sovereign, here comes a lover! Welcome thou art honest: now, Orlando!

Who ever lov'd that lov'd your father, now let them take it off yes O Lord! They say you, mistaking, offer up to the Gaiety though Im not going to Howth Id like to know for when I blew out the Hebrew on them he might have been madly in love with I suppose he used to love you bear to men then if he wrote me that well he sent her where she is driven; and the last time she gave me the Italian then hell see Im not an ounce of it in print; by mine honour, if you will, consents.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2017

#Ulysses (novel)#James Joyce #1922 #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Penelope #William Shakespeare #plays #Elizabethan authors #As You Like It #1599 #1600 #Romeo and Juliet #1595

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failinginvestigativejournalist · 8 years ago

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Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you, all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose. ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp. A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean, thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble, just at my breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale, no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual.

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh.

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]

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