#if they dont find anything on this study then idk what we'll do

[materialisnt]

the closest sleep lab that will work w us is 1.5 hrs away, so roadtrip time for us n guts. n new glasses mean we can kinda see the scenery a bit in between spasms. our caregiver/housemate is listening to the halo soundtrack n guts is patient and all this world is a very narrow bridge.

[twintravelers]

need me someone to do a haikaveh animatic of them w/the song lemon boy. i swear it fits them so much… i have my own interpretation of it below the cut !! (it's a bit long but bear w me.. tldr if u dont wanna read it: i think lemon boy nicely fits hkvh's progression in their relationship from their academia days to current times + they kiss at the end as a treat)

verse 1: There once was a bittersweet man and they called him, "Lemon Boy" / He was growing in my garden and I pulled him out by his hair like a weed

alhaitham thru kaveh's eyes, hkvh meeting at the academia (alhaitham is lemon boy), start of arguments

And like weeds do he only came and grew back again / So, I figured this time I might as well let him be

recurrent arguments+debates, slowly become friends

chorus: Lemon Boy and me started to get along together / I helped him plant his seeds / And we'd mow the lawn in bad weather

start hanging out/studying tgt !!

It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him / So, I got myself a citrus friend

become real friends / lowkey crushing?

verse 2: But soon his bittersweet started to rub off on me / You'd think smelling like lemon zest would be pretty neat

some more scenes of younger hkvh hanging out tgt :3 imagine what u want

I found out that my friends are more of the savory type / And they weren't too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie

kaveh talking to some ppl who don't like alhaitham, argues w them (in alhaitham's favour) n leaves (maybe w alhaitham eavesdropping? lol)

chorus: So Lemon Boy and me, we just gotta get along together / I helped him plant his seeds / And we'll mow the lawn in bad weather

hkvh CUTE/fluff scenes working on the infamous project tgt

It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him / So, I got myself a citrus friend

maybe some more obvious crushing here idk.. i just love to think of them pining but not saying anything in their academia days... 

bridge: But what if I run out of fertilizer? / What if the clouds run out of rain? / What if Lemon Boy won't grow no longer? / What if beaches dry of sugar cane? / Oh well

/the/ fight. kaveh leaves. they grow apart, the years passing by. alhaitham finds kaveh drunk at the bar.

The whales start to beach themselves / Tortoise shells tear away from their spines / It happens all the time, it happens all the time

after listening to his ex-friend woes, alhaitham takes his jacket, puts it over kaveh's shoulder, and brings him back to his home, offering him a second key to the house in the morning

pre-chorus: Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever / Like Snufkin and Little My, we'll get around wherever

kaveh slowly getting settled in his new home w/alhaitham <3 

chorus: Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever / Like Snufkin and Little My, we'll get around wherever / It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him

them slowing hanging out tgt again, bickering w each other, little fond alhaitham moment w a small smile when he looks at kaveh arguing w him

outro: 'Cause we're the bitterest boys in town / Yeah, we're the bitterest guys around / And I got myself a citrus friend

alhaitham slowly approaches kaveh while he's complaining and kisses him to shut him up (heheheh) on the last line and it ends w kaveh being flustered but bringing alhaitham in for another kiss

OKAY IM DONE... hope someone read until the end if u did ily

[acaciapines]

What does the post ending of 'The Holiday-Dreemur Kids' look like? How does it compare to what's featured in 'So I'm Waiting For The Teeth' and 'Dear Dess, Love Asriel'? You're are genuinely my favorite deltarune author and 'i know i'm not well (but i'm alright)' is by far my favorite deltarune fic (and in my list of all time fav fanfics) and I would LOVE to know what if any future you've envisioned for the cast?

ok well first off THIS IS SO SWEET THANK U SM......i dunno it always makes me so happy 2 know people return to my fics and me being your?? favorite?? deltarune author???? wild.

n all honestly i didnt really envision any sort of future once i finished up the series, i essentially see both homegrown hearts (for the kids) and dess, after (for dess n azzy) as the futures for the cast as i wrote them in i know i'm not well! this means theres a Whole Lot Of Life unaccounted for yes lol but that leaves it open for you to decide! they made it through the hardest part now they get to live their lives.

tho i will say some cute things ive always sort of pictured would be ralsei going to high school w the rest of the fun gang...she gets out of the dark world pretty early so she's got like, two or three years of high school experiences. i imagine kris susie and noelle really run with the bit of ralsei being a foreign exchange student (from their school's closet) just to see how far they can push it. i doubt they're super secretive about the dark worlds after this tho lol once ralsei gets out its like. why keep the worlds separate?

all the kids are way more mentally healthy here lol since they wouldve worked out the worst of their stuff earlier! im not sure what they'd do as adults...kris and noelle sharing a dorm room is still the funniest thing EVER to me. i also really like the idea of ralsei studying religion...as someone who doesnt study religion idk exactly what that would look like, but i think she'd find it really interesting and really relate to the idea of finding meaning in a world, though im not sure i see her as being like. actively religious herself after the dark worlds. i just feel like studying it is a way for her to forgive her past self, in a way? for how she clung to the prophecy. dunno. might do something with this idea one day. probably not, but we'll see.

on the dess and asriel side of things, asriel would meet chara! in this universe xe was dess's friend first but xe and azzy would hit it off too. asriel and dess playfully fight over xir and chara thinks it is very stupid (xe can have two friends!) but also won't complain about the pair of them doing all the chores xe doesnt want to do lol. i feel like prooooobably one big difference would be chara and azzy not having a qpr? that's an idea i like which is why i explored it in dear dess, love asriel, and i like xir having one with dess which will be seen in the dess raises kris au, but for this particular universe i think both dess and azzy being there means theyre all just close friends! chara doesnt let dess babysit though. dess is fine with this. she is not a huge fan of being responsible for children lol.

dess and kris continue to repair their relationship. for missing so many of kris's birthdays theres a good ten year span where dess goes super all-out. probably plans a surprise party that kris 100% knows about but thinks is really sweet so they dont say anything until the very end.

but thats just a few ideas i came up with! none of these would ever be written in any way bc i cant see myself writing more for the holiday-dreemurr kids universe...those stories are over and while i hope to write more deltarune stuff in the future (i have a LOT of ideas for the dess raises kris au), these particular fics are all in the 'it's free real estate' territory. their futures are whatever you could picture!

[ambrosialdesire]

Dont worry for rantingg ambro, i get that.

Idk if u want my opinion on ur friends but ive been in ur shoes but most of my friends are in relationships and they still talk to me and even for small stuff like with tiktoks and stuff. They never like leave me hanging with their partners and if they do i know which ones. Trust me Ive been there with the your always single but it is different because its more in an uplifting way because my friends fall hard like horrifically hard over people. Im sorry your friends aren’t treating you very good right now. Especially with the aroace thing because thats a little shitty ngl… especially if they know that u struggle with it. But then again i dont know ur dynamics soo :3

ARCANE IS SOO FUCKING GOOD. I could never play influenced to play League it looks not appealing to me personally.

-🌷

that's good you have amazing friends like that, i think it's just my own perception of the whole thing with that particular group of friends or that i miss what the group was before all the dating but idk i've been hopeful it'll return back to what it was even with the dating, but all those mfs are still in honeymoon phases or something 😒 /hj

NO IT IS SHITTY I WON'T LIE, i'm so sick of hearing "you'll join us soon" or "you just need to be more confident" or "you need to put yourself out there" LIKE NO BRUH, I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON MY STUDYING GRIND AND THE MEN SHOULD BE COMING TO ME ANYWAYS 😒😒 /hj nah but i'm really tired of hearing shit like that and i know sometimes it's jokes, but can any of the conversations be anything but about dating or relationships, like can we talk about stupid silly shit like before ☹️ ik their partners are important to them to maintain contact with and keep up, but what about our friendship too? it's frustrating AND I CAN'T BE EVEN BE ON A CALL WITH ONE OF THEM WHEN WE GAME EVERY FEW MONTHS OR SO WITHOUT HAVING THE PARTNER BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE, LIKE CMON YOU CAN'T STAND EVEN JUST A FEW HOURS OF NOT BEING ON THE PHONE WITH THEM??? and i can really tell when they don't want to keep hanging out with me even when we plan out how long we'll play, so either i cut the hangout short or they do sometimes.

my friends are great, they're very near and dear to me and i will always want what's best for them, but very much recently, i've been feeling real bitter about being left behind; it's kinda making me feel incomplete in a way, something i haven't felt in a while prior to my aromantic identification and i don't wanna like rush to find someone cause i don't want to regret my first relationship and i don't want to hurt that person's feelings once i realize that i rushed a relationship yk? BLAH i hate it LMAO

anyways arcane has such a nice art style ngl, riot fucking EATS with the animation cause the valorant animations are one of my favorites since i used to play that before my laptop's storage couldn't keep up with the updates, ESP when they involve omen. my mains were killjoy (MY ABSOLUTE GOAT), viper, omen, kay/o, fade, skye, and sage. i sucked at the duelists cause i never was good at doing the main confrontations, i enjoyed doing all the background support stuff instead hehe AND i actually tried out league before cause of an old friend, but i never was into the whole gameplay cause i could barely see the character and the whole thing was insanely confusing even with tutorials, so i quit after a day LMAO

ty but i'd rather stick to my open world games, otome games, and fps games with blinding ults and skills 😋

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #203

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we've only got one goal in mind: Golems! Thanks to Avicebron, we'll make just that; lots and lots of golems! Avicebron is a Battle Smith Artificer, so you'll always have at least one on standby.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: I did naht kill him, I did naht. Oh hi Mark.

Race and Background

Avvy might not look it, but he's still a Variant Human, giving him +1 Intelligence and Wisdom, plus proficiency with Deception to keep your mentees close and your golem ingredients just as close, plus you get the Servo Crafting feat! You can cast Find Familiar as a ritual, but instead of getting an animal, you build a small golem called a Servo. You can speak with and through the servo, plus sense through it, as long as you share a plane of existence. You can also attack with the servo instead of your wimpy noodlearms once per attack action.

You're also a Cloistered Scholar, which gives you History and Religion proficiency. You are nerd! No duh!

Ability Scores

Your Intelligence should be pretty high, you make golems and you don't afraid of anything, that's what you do. After that is Dexterity, you're better off not getting hit than anything else, and also having 4 arms means you're pretty good at sleight of hand. Wisdom is also pretty good, you're a religious man, and while you don't get power from that you're still wise. Unfortunately we gotta make Strength the next highest stat. I mean, two of your arms are robots, so I guess it kinda works? Your Charisma is pretty low, you just don't care about people that much, but we're dumping Constitution. Trust me, it'll make sense in a bit. (Don't do this in-game, this is a flavor thing, you WILL DIE)

Class Levels

You're 100% artificer, so you start off with Magical Tinkering, letting you stuff minor magical effects into tiny items. I don't know why you'd make a fart sound producing golem out of a pen, but I'm not Avicebron. You also learn Spells. They use your Intelligence score for prep and casting. Grab Mage Hand to build a little drone to carry stuff for you, and Message for a messenger golem. Really you can take whatever spells you like as long as you call them golems, but the most golemy are Alarm golem and Catapult golem. Why throw stuff when you can just make it throw itself? You also get proficiency in a buncha stuff, like Constitution and Intelligence saves, plus Nature to figure out good materials for golems and Arcana to build them!

Second level artificers can Infuse Items, adding cool effects to up to two items per long rest from a list of four options. Grab Armor of Tools so you'll always have your golem-making kit on ya, Enhanced Arcane Focus for stronger golems, Homunculus Servant for a golem, and Mind Sharpener to help keep track of your golems. I can already tell golem isn't even gonna look like a word by the end of this build.

Your artificer subclass is the Battle Smith, which makes you Battle Ready, so your golems can use martial weapons. Of course you're not swinging them yourself, so you can use your intelligence instead of strength when attacking with magical weapons. You also get a second permanent golem, the Steel Defender! You gotta use your bonus action to make it do stuff, but it'll hit people, repair stuff, and protect its allies! Also, you can cast Mending on it to heal it. You don't have that yet, but you will! You can also make The Right Tool for the Job over a long rest, and you also get subclass spells for free. Heroism makes a very pretty golem that inspires all your allies to not get scared and get temporary HP. Shield makes a golem that'll stand in front of someone as a reaction, adding 5 to their AC and blocking magic missiles for a round.

Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Intelligence. You use it for pretty much everything, so your brain's gotta be good!

Fifth level battlesmiths get an Extra Attack, so your servo, your steel defender, and your sword-holding golem can all attack at the same time. You also get second level spells, like Branding Smite and Warding Bond. Neither of those are golems tho. Grab Rope Trick for the first of many rope golems, and Enlarge/Reduce for later. Adam's a big boy, so you've gotta make a big golem.

Sixth level artificers get Tool Expertise, doubling your proficiency bonus with all tools. Golem making is complicated, the DCs are gonna be high. You also get two more blueprints and one more infused item, like a Spell-Refueling Ring for extra spell slots and a Rope of Climbing for another rope-based golem to help your bad climbing skills.

At seventh level you get so smart you have Flashes of Genius, adding your intelligence modifier to checks and saves near you intelligence modifier times per long rest. Yeah, it's actually just weirdly specific golems.

Bump up your Intelligence this ASI for more of everything you like. Smrt.

Ninth level battle smiths add an Arcane Jolt to their steel defender and magical weapons. Once per turn, intelligence modifier times per long rest, you can either add extra force damage to the hit, or heal a nearby creature. Still not sure how to make those golems, but you'll figure something out, you've got 20 Intelligence! You also get third level spells, like an Aura of Vitality golem and a Conjure Barrage golem. You can also can Create Food and Water golems for gathering, or turn just about anything into a Tiny Servant. For up to 8 hours after casting, you can turn a tiny object into a tiny creature, commanding it as a bonus action. Finally, a spell that makes golems! You can also use Glyph of Warding now, though it won't be that useful for the build until you get fourth level spells. The idea is, you can keep a bunch of these bad boys in your base, all set to trigger against a creature that knocks you down to 0 HP. All of them summon constructs, beating up the guy after you're already unconscious. This is the closest we could get to Avicebron's third skill, D&D doesn't really plan for character death that well. Also, just a correction. I just found out you can't carry glyphs around without them breaking :(

Tenth level artificers are Magic Item Adepts, giving you an extra attunement slot and you can create uncommon magic items for cheaper. You also get the Mending cantrip for golems, and two more blueprints for an extra infused item. The Helm of Awareness will help you stay out of trouble, and the Periapt of Wound Closure makes it easier to not die. Your master strategy is all about getting knocked out, so it would be nice if you automatically stabilize.

Eleventh level artificers can create Spell-Storing Items, stuffing weapons or focii full of first/second level magical goodness. It's like you're casting the spell, but it uses the other guy's concentration.

Another ASI! Bump up your Dexterity for less dying.

With fourth level spells, you can cast all sorts of golems. You're stuck with Aura of Purity and Fire Shield, but you also get an Arcane Eye for a drone golem, plus Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound and Summon Construct for fighting golems.

As a Magic Item Savant you get another attunement slot, and you can ignore requirements when attuning magic items. You also get the Prestidigitation cantrip to make whatever small tools you need for a second, and two more blueprints for one more infusion. Bracers of Defense will help you not die if you don't think Avicebron's outfit is armor, and the Ring of Protection will also do that regardless.

At fifteenth level you get your last subclass improvement, the Improved Defender. Your arcane jolt gets bigger, and your golem gets tougher and can reflect damage, not just deflect it.

Use the rest of your ASI to bump up your Wisdom. Making yourself better isn't in character, so just be wise.

You've got fifth level spells! Banishing smite isn't a golem, but I guess Mass Cure Wounds could be Adam's feet? Idk. You can also use Bigby's Hand for Adam's hand, and Animate Objects for more item-based golems. Now you can turn your trusty frying pan into a-golem. Everything turns into a golem.

Eighteenth level artificers are Magic Item Masters, letting you attune to six items at the same time. You also get two more blueprints, so grab two copies of Arcane Propulsion Arm for the four arms of your third ascension. Arms are cool.

One last ASI, grab more Wisdom.

Your capstone ability grants you a Soul of Artifice, giving you a +1 bonus to all your saves for each magic item you're attuned to, and you can destroy an infusion to drop to 1 HP instead of 0. Remember, getting KOd only helps if you're near one of your glyphs.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Between your Steel Defender, servo, tiny servants, and animated objects, you don't have to do much. Plus you can just rope trick away and let them take care of everything!

If your DM ever tries to spook the party by fighting you in your own base, you can spook him right back by taking a fall and filling your study with angry golems.

With expertise and flashes to help your repairs along plus mending, you're a great repairman. If the DM tries to block your path with a broken bridge, it won't stay broken for long. Plus, your warforged allies will love you.

Cons:

DONT DUMP CON. You have less than 100 HP at level 20, and your constitution save is really bad (for an artificer). Don't do it. Look me in the eyes, don't. do it!

Having any part of your battle plan being getting knocked out is not going to make you popular with your party members. Maybe you should help out yourself? Nah, golems are better.

All of your infusions and spells are focused on helping yourself, a stark contrast to most of our artificer builds. Keeping all your toys to yourself will not help your party like you, especially with a +0 charisma.

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[rintarhue]

HIHIHIHIHI KOPI-CHINNNN HOW ARE YOUUUUUU wtf i thought i replied again ig not BDNEKSHJEEH ANYWAYS IM HERE🙄✋ wheres my red carpet for being ms universe💅

*cOUGh* ANYWAYS🙄 my arm is dying😃😃😃😃 i just got my first dose of the vaccine and maaaaaannn IM IN PAIN😭 honestly i hate needles so i was rlly nervous lmao but it was rlly quick so ig it was okay😭

AND OMFG THE RECENT CHAPTER OF TOKYOREV IS WJDBWKKDSJWSIHW IM SO IDK AJSHSUS SHOCKED? CONFUSED? SO MANY EMOTIONSSSS😭😭 but aYO mikey was the cover for the new volume cover and he looks scrumpdillyicious🤤 ngl tho was kinda hoping it was peh or koko but yk mikey is always good😌😌😌

And B O N T E N SJSJSOSAJSISWOA just bonten. Wake up and think abt bonten, brush my teeth thinking abt bonten, drinking water thinking abt their dic- *COUGH* bonten🤤 sleep dreaming abt bonten <3

Okay but like i was at a family-friend bday party, yk those classic filipino bday parties and MAN THERE WAS THIS GUY AND SIJSSHSSBSWOW he was my type😩 tall, good style, filo and HE HAD SUCH PRETTY HANDS DNSSJSHWI apparently he sings too👀👀 and well we hung out together the whole time and NDKWASHWJSH well we just clicked lmao but fuck me hes taken😃 pain. Fuck men🙄 ANYWAYS-

Feeling a bit better abt school and shit and im lowkey leaning towards psychology👀 im just rlly interested in personality and behavioural things and like yk the reasons for ppl's actions and the triggers and all that i just find it quite fascinating so maybe we'll see where we get from there😌

AND TYSMSMSMSMSMSMSMS FOR UR SUPPORT SJDJSHES YOU'RE SO FUCKING NICE I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF UR PILLOWS ARE COLD AND THAT BONTEN WILL FUCK U IN YOUR DREAMS😤

I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU. MAHAL KITA. SARANGHAE. AISHITERU. MUAH MUAH <3

I cherish u 6ever😩😩😩

- ur filipina bestie💍

HI BABY!!!!!!!!! ill drag the carpet give me a min.... (drags the carpet) u may now walk 👆🏻

OMG!!! HOPE U FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW THO <3 but same tho that was me when i got it 😭 JEHDHJSSJJSDJD what i keep in mind when there r needles is "parang kagat lang yan ng langgam" SO YEAH 😭

I KNOWOWOWOEODDIXSJWJEJDJDJAJD DUDE . tokrev is just WOW. its so painful but so GOOD. and bonten. Dont even get me started im gonna cream LMFOAOWODOCISJDHFJCKDKkskdkfkcjxjzjjdjed yo im gonna cry id actually do anything and everything for them in a heartbeat IDC! mikey in that new cover just..................... Feeling very submissive n breedable 👍

OMG YAY!!!!! psychology is really really interesting omfg the whole study of that is just so!2!;!,!/!/ you get to learn so much of how and why people are the way they are and YEAH!!! YOU CAN DO THIS BAE OMFG <3

GWKCODIOAKDLDKWOEOD NO U ARE!!!!!!! GONNA CRY WTF I LOVE U!!!!!!! and yes hopefully i dream ab them fucking me i deserve that 😫💯 (i had a rly stressful week so i Wanna dream ab a bonten gangbang LMFAOIDJDJZHAHDHXHX)

I LOVE U BBY!!! AKWAYS BE SAFE <3

[just-a-dumb-gay]

So how this would all probably go is gonna probably sound a little...boring? Idk. If it were to happen it'll probably be alot more dramatic and cute in the show than just typing it out. And this is realistic, if it did happen it could (and probably would, typical TV cliche things and all that) go exactly like this.

So what would probably happen is we don't see Peez get hurt, just maybe a few things blow up (perhaps caused either by Hope's messed up magic or some weird af monster) or just something happens wrecking the place and hurting quite a few people.

Everyone ducks and hides to try and avoid getting hurt. Then when it's over everyone starts coming out from their hiding spots and everything. (Just pretty much the usual in these situations.)

We then see Josie come out from hiding looking around and then she spots Penelope lying on the floor, we can't tell if she's alive cos she's on her side and has her back to the camera.

Josie runs over to Peez and rolls her onto her back then starts checking for a pulse or to see if she's breathing.

When she can't find anything she starts crying, so when Josie starts getting upset Lizzie comes over. She tries to hug Josie but Josie just pushes Lizzie away.

Josie starts looking around trying to think of anything that could help while Lizzie just watches unable to think of anything she can do to help.

Then Josie has an idea, she doesn't say anything but it's clear by the look on her face.

So she puts her hand on the floor and starts siphoning magic from the school, after a few seconds she then puts her other hand on Penelopes chest and starts whispering some spell we've never heard before.

The lights would probably start flickering and everything to make it seem alot more dramatic. Although actually that would probably be realistic, siphoning from the school would mess with the electrics an all that if theres alot of it in there.

1 of 2 things could happen and it doesn't really matter which, both could be good:-

1 - Josie stops the spell because it doesn't appear to be working and just as she gives up Peez comes back to life.

2 - Josie is in the middle of the spell and Lizzie looks like she's about to step in and stop it because Josie's nose is beginning to bleed (like with Bonnie when she tried to much magic) but then Peez comes to life.

Penelope sits up and looks around trying to comprehend what just happened, and by this point Josie is crying alot. Just now with happiness.

Before Peez can say anything Josie hugs her and nearly knocks her back down. So she keeps one hand on the floor to keep her balance and uses the other to hug Josie.

Peez notices Lizzie watching looking beyond shocked and mouths "What happened?". Lizzie, still stunned answers with, "You died..."

Just after Lizzie finishes saying that Josie backs away a little but rests her forehead against Penelope's and says something like "I thought I lost you."

Peez rests her hand against Josie's cheek and wipes away a few of her tears while trying to lighten the mood a little by saying "You really think I'd let death get the better of me?" in typical Penelope Park confidence.

Josie just smiles a little not really knowing what to say, she's just glad Peez is okay.

(And now we get into the still highly possible if this did happen, but a little less likely and more just what I'd want to see)

Peez doesn't say anything else, just gently kisses Josie's nose then changes position slightly so she can hug Josie properly.

Then it'll probably change to someone else. Maybe we'll still see Posie in the background depending on who it changes to.

Later we see Josie in Ric's office getting yelled at while Penelope stands back and is leaning against the door or something (probably still looking damn good despite just being brought back from the dead). Or possibly being checked over by Emma for anything dodgey.

Turns out Josie used some kind of dark magic she read about (that way this also gives us an point for us to start seeing some dark Josie) in books Ric had hidden away, but she got curious so found them and looked through them. That whole scene probably wont be anything much, just Josie getting yelled. And they don't find anything obviously wrong with Penelope, but most major spells have some sort of consequence.

After that (like last scene of the episode where we see these 3) Posie are asleep in Josie's bed. Or at least Josie is asleep, she's got her on Penelope's chest and Peez has both arms wrapped tightly round Josie.

Lizzie then comes in and pauses when she sees the 2 of them. Penelope opens her eyes and when she sees Lizzie standing there she carefully sits up but keeps her arms wrapped around Josie.

Lizzie - *kinda mean* (she obviously still wont like Peez much) "You know she was terrified she'd lost you earlier, I don't think I've ever seen her more scared."

Penelope - *stays quiet, expecting some sarcastic comment*

Lizzie - "I don't like you, but it's clear Josie still does. But I swear if you hurt her again, you will regret it."

Penelope - "I have no intention of hurting her, I never have..."

Lizzie - "Why do I feel like there's more to add to that sentence?"

Penelope - "She told me you read the note. Why?"

Lizzie - *trying to play innocent but major sarcasm* "I didn't know what it was when I picked it up, oops."

Penelope - *brushing hair out of Josie's face* "Well if you read the note then I'm sure you know what else I wanted to add to that sentence."

Then we get a shot of Lizzie looking shocked and Peez with a small smile on her face and boom scene ends.

Then in another episode we find out there was a part of the spell Josie didn't know. The part that mentions whoever is brought back to life will have their life linked to the person that brought them back. What physical pain one feels, the other feels. If one dies so does the other. And we dont find that out from Ric looking through the books, im thinking more along the lines of Josie gets a paper cut while her and Peez are studying together and Penelope feels it too. Like the thing between Katherine and Elena when Katherine wanted the moon stone. (I am getting that correct right? Honestly after 8 seasons of TVD everythings kinda blended and I don't remember what was when, I just remember bits and pieces.)