#if someone were to ask about it he'd give the most basic answers and remove himself from conversation as soon as possible

[gay-caesar-truther]

I need to draw Gabe in his New Vegas fit- its some priest vestments (I know they aren't in game I'm using my powerful imagination) with leather armor peices he took from his armored Vault suit over the top. Of course he still has his spiked knuckles but he also has a rifle with some rosary beads wrapped around the stock.

[genshin-obsessed]

Hey pocky! Could you do polyamorous hcs with reader, Cyno and Tighnari? I just love those two, and you haven’t wrote poly in a minute, so sorry if this is out of the blue.

(Remember to stay hydrated ✨)

Hiya anon! You’re right, it’s been a while! I hope you like it!

8/1/24: umm idk how long this has just been sitting here completed. Cuz it was down in my drafts.. im really, really sorry anon ;w;

Cyno x Reader x Tighnari

There was definitely a spark between Cyno and Tighnari. They’ve known each other for a while and so they’re a bit closer.

But there was no relationship, as it was just a close friendship. That is, until they met you. You squeezed in perfectly within their dynamic.

As the two of them got closer with you, that’s when they really started to realize they had feelings for you.

It was the little things, you know? For example, Cyno would feel his heart beat faster and faster every time you laughed at one of his jokes. Or he’d have a greater need to keep you safe.

Tighnari started noticing that no matter how many questions you asked about his work, he would never tire answering them. He never felt irritated or annoyed, instead, he was more than happy to help you out.

There weren’t many jealousy issues. Meaning, you were laughing with someone else and they got angry. They did feel a tad left out, but not jealous, per se. Cyno does find himself wanting to make sure your friends all have true intentions.

It took, maybe a year or so, for both of them to come to terms with their feelings for you. Being as close as they were, the two chose to confide in other another. Which created an awkward situation to say the least.

Both were insistent the other take their chance and that you liked them more anyway. Tighnari figured you’d like someone like Cyno, someone who was extremely serious with his work, but could relax with his friends afterward- almost like a new person. While most people didn't enjoy his jokes, you did and Cyno loved to make you laugh.

Conversely, Cyno thought maybe Tighnari was more your type. Intelligent, a good leader, knowledgeable in the forest and his work and you always seemed more comfortable around him. You would often seek out Tighnari if you were bored or just needed a friend to hang out with since Cyno's work took him further away.

Neither came to a meaningful conclusion that day and so they decided to "help" each other out. Unfortunately, this led to both of them distancing themselves from you inadvertently. Cyno wanted you to get with Tighnari and felt the best way was to remove himself. So, he took on more work that took him out into the desert.

Tighnari believed that you should be with Cyno and would often cancel on plans in hopes you’d maybe make some with Cyno instead. He would often ask both you and Cyno to meet him somewhere and just wouldn't show up. While it made his heart hurt for longer than he'd imagine, the idea of you two being happy together brought him some solace.

That went about as swimmingly as you could imagine. Both were unavailable all the time and it just felt so odd. It felt intentional. You gave them the benefit of the doubt in the beginning and just assumed it really was work which was their go-to excuse. Until the day you thought Tighnari was “busy with work” and found him at the bar with Kaveh!

Oh, that was so uncomfortable and he tried to wiggle away a little, admittedly. It didn't wokr and... that’s when Tighnari explained that he wanted to give you a chance with Cyno- and unfortunately, had to confess on Cyno’s behalf which he felt so terrible for. It wasn’t his place to tell you how Cyno felt, but it was why he was avoiding you.

You asked about him- what he felt and he bashfully admitted he, too, felt something for you. He tried to make it seem like it was just a little playground crush, but you could tell it was full blown love. You decided all three of you needed to talk together. You hunted down Cyno and basically demanded he meet with you and Tighnari and he did without hesitation.

You confessed that you had feelings for both of them and didn’t really want to choose. They were both stunned and stumbled on their words, unsure of what to say.

It took a bit of talking but at the end of it, both Cyno and Tighnari were ok with you either picking one of them… or being with both of them. You, of course, went with the latter.

This relationship was mainly with you and not as much Cyno and Tighnari. So, for the most part Cyno and Tighnari were just “sharing” you. A term they’re not the biggest fan of. It took some time before the two realized their feelings for one another.

According to them, they originally felt something but assumed it was just their friendship. Like yanno… they were super closer.

But after being with you though- knowing they were romantically attracted to you- they started realizing their feelings for one another were extremely similar. For example, Cyno wanted to kiss you all the time and he wanted to kiss Tighnari all the time. But he wouldn't kiss Kaveh and that let him know it wasn't just a normal friendship.

So, this led to them talking about trying out a relationship with one another as well. That went extremely well, actually. Though, they still find themselves doting on you the most.

[jupitermelichios]

so someone on the buffy wiki asked a question that i have basically been thinking about non-stop since i saw it

how would btvs be different if spike had died when he was originally planned to, during the church collapse in season 2

and there's a lot of interesting logistical questions (honestly the answer is not much, he very rarely actually contributes to the main plot, probably because most of the writers room hated using him) like how would s7 end (you just create a different arbitrary mcguffin), would the buffybot still exist (probably yes, you just make her a warren or a jonathan thing and remove spike from the equation), what would buffy's s6 unhealthy coping mechanism be (my instinct is to say a buffy/xander subplot, which would be objectively worse but would hit basically all the same narrative beats, and would also make the xander/anya breakup feel a bit less weird)

but that isn't the reason i've been obsessing over this

the reason i've been obsessing over this is that if spike dies in that church, drusilla should logically become a recurring villain, probably hitting a lot of the same broad plot beats as spike did

and now i can't stop thinking about a version of buffy where dru gets actual character developement, where they have to think of cool shit to do with her future-seeing powers (being completely incidental to the plot is a very weird quality for clairvoyent powers to have tbh but they never once make effective use of them in the show)

and i also realised that in a version of season 6 where dru is a main cast member, or at least a recurring guest star, the obvious choice would be for her to mentor willow

willow never gets any kind of magic teacher in any way that matters, and she never gets to talk to another canon-queer person apart from tara, and giving willow a mentor figure who is magic and queer and probably pretty supportive, but also is absolutely 100% trying to make willow worse would be so interesting! and maybe it would force the writers to remember that giles knows magic, and you could have a 'which will willow choose' dynamic going on between this proudly bi proudly magic vampire and the closetted deeply afraid of his own magic human and it could be so interesting! like i fucking love spike and giles's canon relationship, but it never goes anywhere and this would absolutely have to go somewhere

also there would obviously be a subplot, probably in season 4, about dru manipulating events to bring spike back from the dead, but he'd come back as human, and the scoobies would want to protect him from her both because he's human and because spike died before they realised he's not actually a threat so they think vampire spike is a big deal, so he'd be a main cast member and build relationships with them all, and you've got human spike and vampire dru kind of circling one another and flirting but also being freaked out by one another, and however you chose to end the subplot it would be the kind of compelling tragedy that all the best spike stories are. if he choses to become a vampire then you're functionally killing the relationships he would have built with the scoobies by that point, and if he chooses to stay human, you're breaking dru's heart, and basically every other variation i can think of is also tragic, and i love basically all of them

and dru would fucking hate glory, even if you never did the chip subplot in s4 and didn't use human spike to bring her into the group, you could absolutely fold her into the gang in s5 using 'the enemy of my enemy' as the justification

there are so many little problems with buffy that you could fix using dru as a recurring character - the watcher's council functionally only exist when needed, they have no real presence, but they're canonically fascinated with dru and want to experiment on her so they'd have a reason to have a recurring presence in the show that isn't directly related to buffy. vampires have no culture and the one time they were given a religion the writers were too scared to explore it in any depth, but dru is possitioned to interact with the cult of aurelius in a way spike never was, so they might be forced to actually think about the fact that vampires ought to have a unique culture and religious perspective and general outlook on the world. the concept of bisexuality might have to exist. everything with how angel interacts with the gang post s2 would be so much more interesting, and there'd be a reason to bring darla back and give her some character developement. mental health! they'd have to talk about mental health prior to season 6!

i'm not going to write this fic, because it would be so fucking long, but please join me in imagining the au that could have been if buffy comics weren't all terrible, or i had infinite time for writing fic

[dilucids]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤLove Letters, Genshin Impact

their reactions to you receiving love letters.

includes: diluc, venti, ningguang and beidou

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 DILUC RAGNVINDR ━━ DARKNIGHT HERO 〕

━━ the first one wouldn't bother him at all, he'll simply look over your shoulder, ask you what it was and shrug it off, having trust in your relationship.

━━ if the writer persists, he'll get a little iffy with it and will read it over your shoulder as you do as well.

━━ he'll let the words of this secret admirer sink into his brain, disgusting words that were sickeningly sweet and he swears that it doesn't bother him.

━━ but it does, the way that someone else is also admiring all your traits, or has a note on all your little habits that may not be cute in the eyes of others but is absolutely endearing to him ( and this new person apparently ).

━━ and then he wonders if you're into this type of romantic thing, things that he can't indulge in for you, like sweet letters for you to wake up to every morning that write about you like a passage from 'romeo and juilet', talking about how your beauty makes him undone.

━━ he swears it still doesn't bother him at all when more and more letters come in and kaeya delivers them from the headquarters with that knowing look on his face.

━━ but he gets a little more attentive; he'll watch you do the most boringest of things, he'll use a softer tone when reading to you before bed, he'll give into your scoldings sooner than the usual, he'll make his kisses sweeter and last a little longer, he'll even let you play with his hair and tangle flowers in it; anything to make sure you know that he loves you and all your little quirks just as much as that secret admirer.

"You okay?" You crane your neck back to ask Diluc, who currently had a hold of your waist, pushing his face into the crook of neck. He hums, his paperwork left all over his desk with fresh ink washed over the page, in little underlines, arrows and smaller notes by the side. He had just finished another stack of the seemingly never-ending paperwork, finding little rest with you in his arms.

A knock destroys your delicate mood and you can tell Diluc isn't in the mood to answer to anyone's knock, Kaeya's in particular, judging by the knocking pattern. "You can come in, Kaeya," you call out.

He comes in with the regular pink envelope, "your secret admirer is so dedicated to you," he teases and his eye picks up on the way that Diluc slightly tightens his arms around your waist so he grins. "Don't tease, Kaeya," you warn albeit rather insincerely, as you pick up the envelope placed upon the desk.

"Are you leaving?" You raise an eyebrow, pausing the action of opening the envelope when Kaeya makes no move to leave. He shrugs, finding that the very small rise that he got out of Diluc should be enough until he sees him again and leaves the two of you in silence, closing the door behind him.

Opening the letter, you feel Diluc remove his face from your neck, placing his chin on your shoulder as you open another letter. "What day is it now?" He asks with distaste, seeing the same slanted, upright handwriting on the piece of paper.

"Now, now. It's rather amusing."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 VENTI ━━ WINDBORNE BARD 〕

━━ wouldn't bother him, at all.

━━ the first letter would come and he'll find the contents kinda amusing since this person is kinda trash at poems ( i guess when you're venti, any poem compared to yours would be ).

━━ would find it very funny ( would pocket the letter so he could show and do a dramatic reading of it to dvalin later ).

━━ unlike diluc however, he'd jokingly use it to get more affection from you.

━━ so everytime he saw you skimming through the letter uninterested, he'd pout a little, impatiently tap his foot and let out a quiet huff ( maybe even make the wind pick up a little ); anything to make you think that he was jealous so that you'd redirect his attention onto him.

━━ does things like point out grammatical mistakes or rephrases their sentences into a better flowing sentence whilst reading over your shoulder with a jealoused look on his face.

━━ it works, obviously. you end up ditching the letter, always leaving them half read to tend to venti. he denies when you make the claim but has it written all over his face as you remind him that you're all his.

━━ basically, venti malewife, mansplain, manipulate.

Venti peers over your shoulder, leaning on your arm with a small yet obvious pout on his face. You try to ignore his expression as you read the letter, though it becomes harder when he begins to read out passages of the letter, cheesy passages when you were compared to an angel from heaven that was sent down to enlighten the earth, in a high-pitched, mocking voice.

You'd laugh it off, finally peering at Venti's jealous ruse and ditch the letter. "Is my little Archon jealous?" You'd tease him, taking ahold of his cheek to redirect his gaze onto you, you think you're the one in control right now but oh, he's literally had this planned since you've seen your name on the envelope in swirly handwriting and a heart right next to it. Surprisingly, music isn't the only performing arts Venti is good at as he huffs, pushing out his lower lip and never looking you in the eyes.

"I'd never leave you for someone who doesn't know how to spell 'gorgeous', my dear," you wrap your arm around his waist as he was sat on the armrest of your chair and he does nothing but sink into your arms, sliding into your lap so you were carrying him like a baby, his legs thrown over the other armrest and head pressed against you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 NINGGUANG ━━ ECLIPSING STAR 〕

━━ would see it as a challenge. like venti, would be slightly amused when she sees it.

━━ like, someone really thinks they can challenge her for you? L, that person's gonna have a lot on their plate by the end of it.

━━ would take immediate action after the first letter, even if you asked her not to, she'd do it behind your back.

━━ she literally has a floating mansion, i don't think anyone is in the position to challenge or stop her.

━━ would organise a "meeting" with said admirer to establish a few rules and consequences that would be enforced if any of those rules were to be broken.

━━ letters stopped right after the first one.

"This letter is for you," she trails off, handing you a letter that was pink and decorated in little hearts in all different colours. You quirk an eyebrow, planting yourself on her desk as Ningguang watches curiously as you tear open the envelope and unfold the contents. Your eyes scan the letter, injesting the words with a straight face, eyebrows furrowing.

"Is there something wrong?" You hum, turning the letter around to be met with a blank side and check the envelope for the sender again. "Just," you pause, unsure how to start, "do you know who sent this?"

She stares at you with a raised eyebrow, "no, it was placed on my desk when I arrived," taking the letter out of your hand, she scanned the contents. Her lips quirk and eyebrows move in amusement as she brings up her hand to cover her laugh.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 BEIDOU ━━ UNCROWNED QUEEN OF THE OCEAN 〕

━━ would be happy for you.

━━ don't know how but she would somehow be happy for you.

━━ since beidou is used to getting praise from younger members of youth, when she finds you reading a letter of praise, she'll also feel happy for you since you're always reading over her shoulder when she gets one with a pout. ( she thinks you're jealous of her???? )

━━ would literally pat you on the back and say well done with a hearty laugh.

━━ she'd ask to read it and everything, and would find pride in herself that other people could see all the things that she saw in you, like how your imperfections meant nothing, how your habits were the cutest thing ever.

━━ not a single jealous bone in her body when she sees it which is kinda endearing in her own way??

"What 'ave you got there?" Beidou's natural booming voice causes you to jump slightly, making you turn around and hide the letter behind your back as you scratch your cheek, you probably shouldn't show her a love letter from someone else.

"Just a letter," you wave off with a laugh but she's already behind you, with the letter in her hand and eyeing it's contents. You watch nervously as she reads your letter, scared of her reaction but she smiles━━ a full toothy grin where her amazingly white teeth are all on display.

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

[deltas-writing-corner]

Courtship (4): The Gargoyle Graveyard

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Author note: Again, thank you all for being patient with me and I apologize for having a very inconsistent writing schedule. I'm going to make it my goal to update on a bi weekly basis instead of leaving you all in silent limbo. Also a reminder I suck at figuring out which warnings to put so if there's something that needs to be forewarned that I failed to disclose please lmk!

Warnings: Mentions of heavy bodily injuries | childhood trauma/neglect | discussions/mentions of discrimination | mentions of virginity/sexual history

Previous chapter | Next Chapter

AO3 version

Clay. Stone. Porcelain. Plaster. Metal. There are even gargoyles carved entirely of wood! Some statues are stand-alone works of art while others are part of a clear collection or series of similar inspiration. They even come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; as small as an apple or a towering height to rival Malleus himself. No matter what, each grotesque has been crafted with the utmost consideration, by well seasoned and knowing hands. Even the ones that have clear defects and cannot serve their intended purpose are free of overabundant ivy, weeds, or dust. There’s a clear degree of love and care the family who makes these statues has for their craft that makes him feel less alone in his interest in an uncherished form of art.

“It should be around here somewhere,” you muse aloud. Ever since he expressed interest in seeing more sculptures made with non-traditional materials, you’ve been keeping your eye out for a particular one that would fulfill his yearning. You eventually find it and eagerly point to it. “There it is!”

Malleus watches as you approach a massive-sized statue covered with a thick and half-wet tarp. He helps you remove the cover, revealing a winged and slightly humanoid canine. There are many more grotesques with a similar design, but what makes this one stand out the most is the material it’s made out of.

“Amazing!” Malleus awes. “I’ve never seen a grotesque of this size made entirely of glass! They’ve even managed to maintain their attention to detail despite such an abnormal material choice.”

“You can even see the inner channel where the water would flow in and redirect out of its mouth,” you notice.

“They even went out of their way to make it functional despite it being unfit for actual installation?” Malleus inquires with disbelief. “Such a shame.”

“If you’re looking to buy anything here, I’m afraid it's a lost cause. One of the first warnings the grandfather gave me is that none of these are for sale.”

“What was his second warning?”

“If we damage anything, even as small as a scratch, he’ll kill us.”

“How charming,” he chuckles. “I cannot blame him. These statues must take weeks to complete. Time is a human’s greatest enemy.”

“For some, sure. But when I went to visit the family and talked to the old man, he was lunging around all this heavy equipment like he was still in his prime,” you recall. “He lives for his craft. If there’s anything humans are at risk of their entire lives, it’s a lack of motivation and reason to live.”

“I suppose that’s true, but the lifespan of humans and the inevitable effects of aging is difficult to live with, especially once it begins to hinder one’s ability to do what one could previously do without issue. ”

“You’re not wrong,” you acknowledge. “But I think I’d rather live a short life with fulfillment than a dull, long-as-shit life.”

To show that he’s entirely on your side, Gunter lets out a guttural bark while his tail rapidly wags and thumps the damp ground, coating the ends of his bushy tail in specs of dirt and dirtied, remnant snow of the north that has managed to stay frozen on the isles warmer south end.

“You’re only agreeing with them because you’ve been promised food,” Malleus chastises. “Don’t think I didn’t pick up on your grumbling stomach.”

“And don't think I didn't pick up on your stomach rumbling either your highness," you quip back at him. "The family has a small cottage nearby we can use. We'll settle down for a bit and eat before sightseeing some more."

Before you turn and walk in the direction towards the aforementioned lodgings, you reach your hand out for Malleus to take and he latches onto you with restrained enthusiasm. He's taller than you, but he takes care not to take his normal strides as to not leave you struggling to keep up with him. Gunter doesn't know the way, so he trots beside you every step of the way up until the destination is in plain view. The cottage is small but well-attended. There’s a rustic flair to its construction that makes it feel familiar and safe despite never stepping foot in it before.

"Those gargoyles were something, huh?" you remark to him while you tap and shake off the gunk wedged into the soles of your heavy boots against the frame of the door.

"Indeed," he nods, taking your cloak off for you and hanging it on the wooden rack nearby. "I don't think I've ever seen that many gargoyles in one day. Just when my eyes land upon an intriguing one, there's several more that catch my attention."

The way he gets all wide-eyed is outright adorable. It makes you grin just as enthusiastically too. "I bet your club is going to have a field day once you tell them about this!"

His child-like smile turns into one of disappointment. "I'm certain they would, if I wasn't the sole member that is."

Your hands halt from pulling out and setting down all the premade food out of your pack. "Seriously? You're the only one?"

When he nods his head, you feel a twinge of hurt in your heart. Poor guy. You can only imagine how disappointing it must be to go through all those lengths to start a club (you would know since you're technically a staff member of the school and have been given a rundown on some of the school's functions and regulations) only for no one to show interest. Of course, you completely understand that gargoyles aren't exactly all the rage within the minds of teenage boys. Still! He goes through so much effort to build relationships with his peers but they always cower away, either due to his status or even because of the way he looks. You won’t deny that he does come off as rather intimidating at first glance, but he's a sweet guy once you give him the chance to speak.

But to expect teenagers going through social pressures and demanding academics to be as understanding and willing to understand someone like Malleus is an impossible demand. Given that everyone in the school can be a bunch of self-centered and easily agitated bunch of pricks, it's understandable that most of the student body isn't keen on trying to take into consideration the proper etiquette one needs to consider in the presence of a young and noble fae. Deuce has met and talked briefly with Malleus on one occasion, but even he visibly shakes whenever his name is mentioned, even in casual passing.

Wait until they found out who you've gone and gotten buddy-buddy with behind their back. They probably think they're slick or that their intentions are well swept under the rug, but it's clear they feel some semblance of responsibility for your well-being, as both a magicless individual as well as a close, albeit older, friend. You dread the day people begin to make the connections between Malleus and you, but you still can’t help but wonder what their reactions might be. You also dread the high probability those two idiots are going to find out and embarrass the living hell out of you, which you know you do not have the patience or tolerance for.

Gunter jumps up and sits himself down in one of the wooden dining chairs, pushing the small ceramic plate towards you with his nose, as if telling you "Alright, I’ve done what I said I'd do, now feed me what I'm owed." You tell him that you'll give him what he's well earned after you get a small fire started in the brick fireplace. Just because it's warmer near the southern half of the island and not as heavily blanketed with snow, doesn't mean the cold has completely vanished, Winter is still winter after all.

"Where did these scars come from?"

Malleus' unexpected question and closeness nearly make you drop the iron rod you've been using to stoke the growing fire. You've since taken off your boots and rolled up the bottoms of your pants just above your knee as the room starts to warm up enough for a thin layer of perspiration to accumulate and roll down your skin. The scars he's referring to are the ones on your right leg, both side by side at an awkward angle and discolored. You have a lot more scars than these, some much more gruesome in appearance than these two. Malleus has never asked about your scars, but sometimes you catch him looking in the general area of some that peak through your clothes. He likely keeps quiet about their existence out of courtesy.

Yet out of all the markings on your body, why did these two stand out enough that he'd finally ask about them?

"It's a long story," you say in an effort to stall the topic. "Sit. I'll feed you two once the fire is stable."

He doesn’t push you for an answer, instead simply doing as you say and lets you poke at the burning logs until they're properly aflame on their own. You made mostly some of your morning favorites; Creamy and thick potato stew with diced carrots and peas and some eggs, ham, and crispy hash browns sandwich between homemade halved croissants. You teased him about having picky taste buds earlier, but Malleus is content to eat anything you serve him so long as it is not comparable to the likes of Lilia's atrocious cooking.

(Seriously, how does a man as old as Lilia not know the basic fundamentals of cooking? And why does everything he makes end up burnt and tasting like something rotten? You will never understand.)

"Don't eat too quickly," you warn Gunter as you pour a bit of light-colored soup onto his designated plate. Your words are ignored, as the equally marred wolf sloppily slurps and munches on the few bits of potatoes and vegetables you generously scraped out of the thermos. His food is gone as quickly as it’s put in front of him and he looks at you expecting more.

"No. The rest is mine," you scold. "And don't beg Malleus for some either! I know you do it behind my back, you little shit!"

He turns to look at Malleus with an accusatory glare, thinking that he ratted him out to you. Malleus’s response towards the silent imputation is to turn and look out the window as if something caught his interest all of a sudden, cup raised to his lips as he politely sips away at his meal without an air of calmness. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to hide the amusement that overtakes your senses.

"Malleus, stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Stop making me want to laugh!"

He sets his cup down onto its matching serving dish. "It's not my fault you have an easily satiable sense of humor."

"Wow!" you say incredulously and put your arms up in offense. "And here I was thinking we were friends!"

His distant demeanor breaks and you both devolve into a fit of laughter together. Gunter unfortunately takes advantage of your joint distraction and slips away with a warm sandwich between his jaw, your sandwich in particular.

"That damn wolf!" you curse. "I knew I should have trusted my gut and pack extras.”

Malleus pities your distress before moving over to sit closer. "Worry not. I'll split mine in half with you,” he reassures.

"No, it's fine," you immediately dismiss his offer. "Have it for yourself."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he firmly states. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s far too early for that.”

"I thought you liked it when I was stubborn?” you pout.

He shakes his head with a smile. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t”

"At least someone likes my attitude,” you say after chewing and swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Sebek certainly doesn’t."

"The boy is stubborn as well. When two equally stubborn individuals cross paths, you will witness nothing but discord between the two."

"Add the fact I'm human into the mix, and we'll be exchanging fists instead of words sooner or later," you scoff. "I get that some faes don't like humans, but what's his deal with acting like he’s got a vendetta against me?"

"Sebek doesn't hate humans for the reasons you might think," Malleus admits. "It’s more like he finds them difficult to think that highly of. Did you know that he is half-human?"

You nearly choke on your own breath over the sudden revelation. "Really?"

"Indeed," Malleus finds amusement at your disbelief. "Have you ever wondered why his ears aren't pointed like Silver, but his eyes are like mine and Lilia’s?"

"Damn,” you scratch the back of your head with embarrassment. “Now I feel stupid.”

"You aren't. Given the way he speaks, not many would assume he had human blood in his veins. His mother was highly regarded within her social circle, but her marriage to a human man tarnished her reputation a great deal. She's happy and does not seem to care what others think of her these days. However, when Sebek set out to be a knight, his mother's marriage and his lineage were often brought up as a way to scrutinize his character and capabilities rather than any of his actual shortcomings as an individual."

"Poor kid," you sigh. "Lilia told me those sorts of things still happen in The Valley, but it sounds so outlandish that I couldn’t take it that seriously."

"Many faes hold old traditions above all else, to a degree that the purity of one's blood stands above all other merits." His eyebrows pressed together in annoyance. "Even my grandmother thinks it's archaic, but as the reigning queen she has to embody a persona of neutrality between the social divide."

"It sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future," you say, almost apologetically. "What do you plan to do about it once you're the king?"

There's a brief flash of surprise over your question, but Malleus easily answers it as usual. "I think my first course of action as king would be to properly knight Sebek and Silver."

"Bet my rifle that Sebek is going to cry the entire ceremony!" you remark with certainty. "That's all he ever goes on about, being a knight and all."

"He's devoted countless hours and efforts since he was a child. If there's anyone who deserves to join the knighthood, it's him."

"Definitely," you nod to further cement your agreement with him. "He could stand to lower his voice a bit. He'll give you tinnitus before long.”

"At least we won't have to worry about losing him in a crowd," Malleus jests.

"That's to say we'll lose sight of him to begin with," you remark. "He'll gladly lose me in a crowd. You? You'd be lucky to get out of arm's length."

"You underestimate me, dearest," Malleus smirks. "Ever since I've met you, I've perfected the art of avoiding Sebek's insistent searches."

"Have you now?" you razz back. "Don't let him catch onto the fact. He'll have my head."

He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Each second his skin touches yours makes you tingle. Time slows down ever so briefly if only to savor the small instance of physical connection for as long as possible. "What of your aunts?" he inquires. "Are they as overprotective of you as Sebek is of myself?"

"They’re a trio of mama bears," you proudly admit. "I'm old enough to drink and well equipped to fend for myself, but in their minds, I'll always be the little tyke that couldn't even eat their meals without looking at them for approval. Especially my aunt Gia."

You have three aunts. There's your aunt Marisol, the mother of most of your cousins and the main caretaker of the household. Your second aunt Lucia was well into her studies at university when you came to live with them, but her stress and long hours of mulling over her course materials paid off in the long run. Your gardening skills wouldn't be what they are now without her expertise in agricultural botany.

Then there's your aunt Gia. Oldest of the three. An absolute tank of a woman. No spouse. No kids of her own. She lived off the land like an absolute titan. The woman raised you as if she was the one that carried you for nine months and not your actual birth mother.

How would you describe your parents? If your parents were told to list out their priorities in life, their careers would be at the top of the list and you would be put at the very bottom. Why they carried you to term is beyond your understanding. You later learned that Gia had even offered to take you under her care well before your birth, knowing that your parents might not be well-suited to take care of you in the way she thinks would be beneficial for you. It was a convenient offer that would have saved everyone the trouble years down the line when you had your accident. They worked in a cutthroat industry and were constantly moving up the executive echelons. They had no time for you, yet their pride as a pair of young, successful business magnates made them incapable of seeing past the reality of the situation. That left you mostly in the care of last-minute caretakers and your aunts, but only if they had time from their own busy and preoccupied lives to come out into the city and visit.

You were eight years old when things started to get better, but it was upstarted in the worst possible way. Your parents had to go away for the upcoming weekend for work and left you in the care of a babysitter as per the norm. The babysitter never showed up however and your parents apparently couldn’t be bothered to check up on you even once the entire trip. Their silence wasn’t surprising. You just went on about your business for the next three days on your own like nothing was wrong. Your aunt Gia had even called at one point to check up on you, but you didn’t bother to tell her that your parents had left you to fend for yourself. She would have exploded if you did, but not as much as she did when you woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs and lying helplessly on the ground for several hours with a dislocated shoulder and a compound-fractured leg. You were lulling in and out of consciousness due to all the medication pumped into you, but what little you do remember seeing and hearing when you regained consciousness will forever stick with you for the rest of your life.

If people think your level of swearing is bad, they should have heard your aunt that day. She swore so viciously that it could set an innocent bystander's eardrums on fire. What will forever stand out the most to you was the fact that your parents didn’t even look the least bit apologetic or regretful. They didn’t even approach you once your aunt was done giving them a piece of her mind to check up on you. They simply talked with the awaiting social worker and doctors and then left. It was for the better, but the small part of you that continued to hold onto the desperate belief that your parents would come around one day sent you into a thrashing frenzy and you had to be sedated before you could hurt yourself anymore.

The next year was spent recovering from your injuries, meeting regularly with your caseworker, and going through therapists like a pack of cigarettes. By the time you were back on your feet and the legal proceedings of your custody case were concluded, all you wanted was to move on with it all. Nearly a decade of neglect left you this unattentive, uncertain husk of a person who couldn’t take a single step forward without looking for some sort of guidance or assurance. Your family was exhausted by the entire ordeal and over speaking with third parties. Your aunts took it upon themselves to help you regain your sense of self in the comfort of your new home, no matter how difficult or demanding it was going to be.

“It took some time, but eventually it clicked in my mind that I was in a better place and I started to get better. As for my parents, I have no clue what they’re up to these days.” You lean back into your chair and let out a shaking yawn. “I like to think they’re getting on well like I am.”

“I don’t understand.” Malleus looks at you with unbelievable confusion. “Your parents treated you poorly, yet you don’t sound the least bit resentful. Why is that?”

You shrug your shoulders. “What’s the point? I'm in a better place now, so I've let bygones be bygones. 'Doesn't mean I don't harbor any anger against them anymore. I do, but getting upset won't change what's happened to me."

Gunter, having sensed your discomfort over the matter, trots over and rests his head on your lap. You gratefully rub the top of his head, carding your hands through his thick, coarse hair. "I'm just glad they let me go without a fuss. Family court was hell for my family.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Expensive too.”

Crackling wood fills the momentary silence that befalls the small cottage. What you've recollected to Malleus is a lot to take in, and if you're being quite honest you'd prefer if he just dropped the subject and talked about literally anything else right now. You hope he doesn't say he's sorry or any other type of apologetic comment. That's all you were ever told that entire year it all happened, during court proceedings, your rehabilitation, by both strangers and distant family members alike.

"I'm so sorry. What happened to you was unfortunate. You didn't deserve it."

No shit you didn't deserve any of that. You were a kid. You don’t need one pity party after another to realize that what took place then had fucked you forever. But as you said earlier, you're in a better place now, with a loving and supportive family that's moved on alongside you. A family you need to get back to as soon as possible.

"I love you."

Well, if he was hoping to take your mind off the past. that certainly did it. How can it not? It came out of nowhere and as good as you are at holding your composure when need be, you're sure you look no less like a gaping fish when warm and plush softness presses right against the corner of your lips. A kiss. His kiss.

"What's wrong?" Your voice sounds shaky. You’re nervous.

"Nothing," he smiles reassuringly. "I simply said what I felt needed to be said."

"Fair enough" you concede easily. He was going to say it sooner or later. He already has actually, now that you think about it. Yet here you are trying to process his words like it’s rocket science.

"Am I going about this too fast perhaps?" he genuinely asks. His hands that have been busy massaging your calves that have settled across his lap somewhere during your long retelling gradually slow down, but his hands never go completely still. "This is my first time experiencing something like this."

"What?" You sit up a bit straighter. "A relationship?"

"Yes."

Your head tilts to the side. "Really?"

He nods hesitantly "Yes?"

For a moment, you go completely quiet. "I don't believe you,” you doubtfully say, head shaking to further showcase your refusal to believe him.

He must not have liked your remark, frowning with clear offense in his eyes. When he dislikes something, the vertical slits in his eyes contract into a thin line. "I cannot lie, yet you still doubt me?"

"I know you can't lie, but I find it hard to believe you haven't been with anyone else before," you explain. Before you can consider the appropriateness that was your newfound curiosity about Malleus's apparently non-existent love life, you blurt out, "Are you still a virgin?"

You slap your hand over your mouth the moment those words come out of it. He's equally caught off guard and nearly drops his warm cup of coffee. Even Gunter is surprised by your question, olive-colored eyes looking at you as if you've lost your mind. It's an invasive question, inappropriate even. You and Malleus have been dating for a little over two days. A question like that is way too early to bring up just yet.

"You don't have to answer that," you tell him behind your palm. "I shouldn't have even asked it. Forget I ever brought it up-”

"I'm not," he interrupts you, leaving you even more shocked than you already are. You’re practically gaping like a fish by now. "I'm not a virgin,” he further insinuates.

A deafening silence, but it’s eventually broken by yourself. “I still don’t believe you.”

Malleus gets further annoyed at your refusal to accept his truth. "I'm not lying!" he insists.

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want me to recount my history to you?" he asks, exasperated as you are at the shift the conversation is taking. "Will that satisfy your doubts?"

"You know what? It will!" you loudly declare. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"He was a young page at the time,” he reminisced. “It happened before I was a century old.”

Your eyebrows raise with intrigue. "Was he cute?"

"Yes," he hushedly agrees. The disconcerting admittance paints his face a pinkish-red glow. "But that's not why I bedded him."

"But surely his looks are what made you interested in the first place?” you make blatant regard of the fact.

“You’re not wrong,” he acknowledges, expertly avoiding agreeing with you outright. “But his looks aren't the sole reason I was drawn to him. He was bright-eyed and ambitious, to the point you’d think him insane given his position in the court. It was also the first time I ever truly met with a group of humans, and my young mind was eager to get a more accurate perspective of humans that wasn’t through the lens of my tutors.”

“An ‘accurate perspective’?” You make playful air quotes, eyebrows wiggling because you know the fact that he knows what you’re implying. The playful comment is met with a sharp pinch on your leg that makes you jump and shriek out in pain. Did he have to dig his nails into you? Apparently so, and now you have small crescent indents on your skin. “I bet Lilia had a good laugh when he found out.”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” he admits to you with what is obviously a proud smile.

“Now I know you’re lying to me,” you scoff. “Nothing escapes the old man’s radar.”

His hands begin to rub out the marks he’s left on you as a form of apology. “Lilia is sharp, but he had lost most of his vigor by the time I was born.”

You go wide-eyed again. “You mean his hearing and eyesight was better than it is now?”

He nods affirmatively. “From what I’ve been told, terrifyingly so.”

Lilia is already frightening as is. His short stature and boyish looks make him perfectly unassuming to those who don’t know any better. You once watched him beat up a couple of bulky, twice-his-height students from Savanaclaw without breaking a sweat, yet moments before he was jokingly scolding himself for dozing off so easily. You never once thought he was ever out of his elements. A cold chill runs down your spine thinking how much more perceptive the older fae may have been back during his prime years.

“Wonder what Lilia’s gonna think,” you ponder out loud in a quick effort to banish out the skin-prickling mental imagery your mind was invoking. “About us, I mean.”

Malleus seems surprised that you would change the topic to that of all things, but his initial shock goes away as quickly as it came. “As you may have guessed, he’s an open-minded individual, but he’s also very realistic and unafraid to say what’s on his mind.”

“So what does that mean for you and me?” you question with a bit of hesitation.

“Well,” he trails off and ponders for a moment. “He’ll surely like the scandal our relationship would invoke. However, as my caretaker and mentor, he won’t hesitate to put an end to it if he feels it necessary.”

Had it been anyone else sitting beside you, you’d have found that comment way too extreme and outright ridiculous. However, you are not speaking to anyone ordinary. You are not sitting before someone normal. It doesn't matter how well you get along with him. It sure as hell doesn't matter how deeply in love you are with him, and him of you. The moment you have been deemed a shortcoming, the outings, the closeness, it all stops. All of it will come crashing down and both you and him will be left wondering what could have been done differently.

Malleus is truly your best friend, because already he can tell that your mind is beginning to spiral even when you go quiet. He calls for your attention by gripping his hand around your bare ankle and carefully tugging the end of your limb. “Don’t fret over it too much,” he soothes, yet also sounding like he’s scolding you for letting your mind wander off so negatively. “Lilia is an exceptional judge of character. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve well exceeded all his marks. He trusts you, and to gain such a thing from someone as old and wise as him is an extraordinary feat.”

You brew over the attempted compliment he tried to pay to you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t snub out all these festering thoughts in your head. It doesn’t even give you temporary relief. Perhaps it would have brought you a sense of peace a few months ago, but with everything that has happened thus far, you doubt even Malleus can alleviate the storm that rattles inside you, even if what he speaks is without a doubt nothing but the truth.

Surely he can see that you are still having some hangups. When you lift his hand and plant a chaste kiss on the back of his hand, you hope he can decipher the gesture as a pitiful request for his forgiveness for dampening the once energetic mood. He is not at fault for your loss and inability to think optimistically at the moment and you need to make sure he knows it.

Today is about him, not you. Even if it’s just for today, you’ll put on a pleasant facade and worry about the rest at a later date. It’s just you and him, and for now, that’s enough.

You do a mental countdown starting from three, before finally giving him a late response to the three words he uttered in confidence to you earlier. “I love you too, by the way.”

You love him. You love him. You love him. That’s all his mind can think of for the rest of the day. He replays your reciprocation over and over like it’s sacred and all-powerful.

He had planned to return to his dorm before the sun began to set, but he found the mere idea of detaching from you deeply unwanted and made the last-minute decision to spend the evening at the Ramshackle dorm. He already has a few articles of clothing and personal essentials set up in one of the many empty rooms, so neither Lilia nor you had any objections at his sudden request.

“Don’t worry!” You shout across the room so that Lilia can hear you over his phone. “I’ll make sure he gets to bed on time!”

“You have my gratitude!” Lilia’s muffled voice responds gratefully. “Don’t cause too much trouble now, you two.”

“No promises~” you sing in jest before Malleus hangs up. Once the call ends Johnny, Benji, Franky, and you turn their attention back to their ongoing game of poker. Malleus watches and occasionally laughs to himself over the friendly banter shared between the quartet. At the end of every round, the winner is assaulted with colorful profanities whilst they take their newly won gambling chips with ebullience. Yet with each new dealing of cards, the animosity goes away and they’re all back to being friendly. He finds your interactions with your incorporeal roommates more entertaining than the book he’s been reading to pass the time.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Franky informally calls out toward him. “Don’t be a stranger now. Play a few rounds with us.”

“I’m afraid I’m not well versed in card games,” he admits, yet he still finds himself setting his literature aside and moving over to join them.

“Don’t worry,” you give him a reassuring smile. “They’ll go easy on you.”

“For how long?” he knowingly asks.

You give him an impressed smirk at his quick uptake. “I give it three rounds before they start to pull back their sleeves.”

Malleus is well-adjusted to the need to quickly learn a new topic and the expectation for him to fully comprehend it in full. None of them are harsh on him for his minor mistakes like some of the tutors he’s had in the past. Answers that he believes may be obvious or not as complicated as he thinks they are being answered with enthusiastic patience. The smallest achievements he makes are met with a proud response. When he makes a surprise turnabout and wins his first game, he’s rewarded with an encouraging round of applause by everyone.

“Not bad,” Benji praises as he shuffles the deck of cards. “You’re a fast learner.”

“So I’ve been told,” he humbly replies. “Is this the part where you all stop going easy on me now?”

“Don’t provoke them,” you half-heartedly warn. “Otherwise we’ll be up all night duking it out otherwise.”

Franky sets his glass of iced liquor down on the edge of the table. “Don’t you little lovebirds worry. We won’t take up too much of your well-needed time together.”

Annoyed at the clear jab at his relationship with you, you throw one of your chips towards his head. It passes through his body and clatters on the floor behind him. Your fawn Blossom jumps down from their spot on the couch and goes to sniff it, thinking it to be food, but walks away with a disappointed strut when he realizes it isn’t anything edible.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing,” you defensively clarify. “It was so obvious what was going on between us that they figured it all out before we made it official.”

He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s...I can’t say I’m too pleased to hear about that.”

“We won’t say anything,” Franky reassures. “Just make sure to put a sock on the door whenever you guys want some alone time.”

“Franky!” you hiss at him. “What the hell?!”

“What?” he looks at you, unbothered by your clear embarrassment. “Do you honestly expect us to think you guys went out just to look at a bunch of statues?”

“Oh, I’m sure they were looking at something,” Johnny smirks. “It wasn’t made of stone though.”

“I hate you guys,” you growl out, arms crossing and leaning back into your seat with an angry huff. You don’t mean it. He can see the tremble of your lips as you try to contain the urge to grin. “Even if we did end up rolling around in the sheets, I wouldn’t be yapping about it for all to hear, much less you guys!”

“What happens in the gargoyle graveyard stays in the gargoyle graveyard, eh?” Franky winks at both Malleus and you, nudging you with his elbow.

“Exactly!” you affirm, batting the large ghost away from you for some much-needed distance. “Now stop being so damn nosy.”

They cackle one last time and everyone seamlessly goes back to their ongoing game. Conversations like the one that just concluded are commonplace in your dormitory. Even if he contributed next to nothing to the discussion, he enjoys watching them interact. You come from a world where ghosts are hardly as overt as the ones in this world. Ghosts are said to entertain themselves by picking on the living, to the point that it can be fatal. Your ability to come up with witticisms at a moment's notice is something he enjoys seeing in action. He feels great satisfaction not only knowing that he has secured your love but to also see you in a state of tranquility and within your elements.

As Benji and you have a hushed conversation on the sidelines, he reaches over and places his hand on your knee beneath the table. You quietly reach over and put your hand over his, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb like it’s instinctual. Unfortunately, the heart-fluttering moment is ruined by the sudden buzzing of his phone. He has half a mind to ignore it, but when he gives the screen a glance he realizes ignoring the caller is not an option.

“I’ll be out for a moment,” he excuses himself once he sets his hand down and stands himself upright. “This shouldn’t take that long, hopefully.”

They all stop to look up at him inquisitively for half a second. In unison, they ask, “Sebek?”

“Sebek,” he affirms.

There are simultaneous displays of annoyance, pity, and silent wishes of good luck directed at him. He’s tempted to ask where all this contempt for the boy comes from, but then he remembers the many times Sebek barges his way into their dorm at the worst possible moments. It is either when everyone is beginning to settle down after a long day or in the middle of an important house project, the former more so than the latter now that the dorm is much more stable and in need of less restoration. Malleus learned the hard way how ill you and the ghosts will react when your peace is unwantedly interrupted and your space invaded by an unwanted guest.

Sebek is also quick to scrutinize whatever he sees out loud without a filter. You never seem to mind half of the time, merely rolling your eyes and moving past Sebek’s ill-meaning remarks as if you never heard them. As you are someone Malleus highly regards and holds close to his bosom, he hopes Sebek can one day set aside his strife with humankind and give you the due diligence you deserve.

...Though, he completely understands that reaching that point will take time. While you can endure Sebek to a certain degree, there are times where he, unfortunately, pushes you past that threshold and, without flinching, you will tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. Your words, not his.

“Young master!” Sebek's transmitted voice peaks and he has to half pull it away to give his pained eardrums some relief. “I was informed by Lord Lilia that you will be spending the night over at the Human’s dorm. Have you all your accommodations at their estate? If not, I will swiftly-”

“That won’t be necessary,” he half laughs at his enthusiasm over such a small task. “I have enough to keep me comfortable and well for a few days. Your offer is still very much appreciated.”

“Y-Yes, of course,” he stutters. “If there’s anything you should ever find a need for, please inform me at once! I will fulfill your every wishes no matter the hour!”

He’s enthusiastic and ready to act at a moment’s notice, even during the middle of a cold and dark hour. Malleus doesn’t necessarily dislike this part of Sebek, but he’s starting to understand why someone like you would find such subservience difficult to deal with. At any moment, Malleus could ask Sebek to grab some insignificant item of his and tread through the thick snow to deliver it to him, and the boy would do so with jubilation and utmost timeliness. You on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead ordering someone to do something on your behalf when you believe you are well and capable of doing it yourself.

You don’t put expectations onto the backs of others, choosing to trust yourself first before anyone else. He knows now that it’s a result of the one instance where you expected something from someone, only to be thoroughly let down and left wondering if it was you who did something wrong.

Malleus cannot make up for the pain you’ve been subjected to, but he hopes that he can become the outlier in your life that surpasses any preconceived notions you may hold onto others. He hopes...No, he absolutely will be the one who brings you your well-earned and deserved joy and repose, just as you have done for him and continue to do so.

You love him, and he will ensure he is worthy of every last drop of your fidelity.

[yungbud]

Hi! Hope you're staying safe & healthy! If you're comfortable writing smut & certain kinks can you write a smut with Dom where the reader hears he'd be into spitting in someone's mouth & the reader has wanted that for awhile but gets shy when asking him for it so he gets dominant & says "Daddy won't give you what you want until you ask like a good girl" & then rough sex with hair pulled & choking but also praise kink from Dom calling the reader good girl & pretty girl 🥺 thank you if you're able & comfortable writing this!

Pretty Girl

Word count: 2.5k

Req?: yes

Warnings: smut including slight degradation

The day had finally come to an end and you’re sitting in bed all wrapped up in your pajamas and watching Doms interviews when something happened.  Of course, you weren’t watching them to find something, it had just happened. The only reason you’d even been watching them was because Dom had been so busy lately and watching him goof off on camera made it feel like he was right there with you, even when he couldn’t be.

But instead of this particular interview giving you a warm feeling in your chest, it was giving you a warm feeling in your tummy. This has happened before, but usually it was his lips, his tongue or his tattooed fingers that caused the reaction. This time, he had said something that made your cheeks go red just thinking about it.

He had been reading thirst tweets and someone had mentioned him spitting in their mouth, to which he replied that he was “kinda into that.” The thought alone had you unconsciously squeezing your thighs together. 

Your tongue jutted out to wet your lips as you set your computer to the side, lifting your hips as you pulled your pajama pants just past your knees. Dom wasn’t home, so you’d have to take care of this yourself. You pull the blankets up with you as you maneuver into a comfortable position, spreading your legs as your mind reels with impure thoughts.

You start off slow, pretending it’s Dom’s hands touching your thighs instead of your own. You think about what it would feel like to kiss him as his hands roam your lower body, sliding their way up to play with your tits. How his warm tongue would feel licking at your nipple as he used his fingers to play with your nipple, how he would get impatient and suck your breast into his mouth.

 Your hand made its way between your legs, rubbing small circles on your clit. You were getting more and more worked up by the second, but you took your time, wanting to prolong this as long as you could. You thought about his lips on yours in a rough, sloppy kiss, your teeth clashing together as his mouth easily dominated yours. 

You slide your underwear down your legs with your pajama pants and attempt to return to your, ahem, activities, but as you try you realize your underwear is constricting your legs a bit so you opt to take them both off, thoughtlessly discarding them somewhere across the room.

Dom’s tongue was definitely (one of) his best assets, and he loved to tease you with it in whatever way he could. Because of this, whenever you were making out Dom would sometimes use a lot of tongue, like he said in the interview that started all this, he was a licker. Usually that would be off putting, but with Dom it was actually pretty hot, but to be fair that went for most things with Dom. Now that you thought about it, you were surprised the idea of a spit kink hadn’t come up sooner. You were definitely into it, it was one of the many reasons you loved making out with him, letting his tongue roam your mouth as you thought about it roaming… other places. The idea of his spit, something so personal, so nasty being in your mouth was so hot, although it wasn’t just your mouth. You found yourself thinking of him spitting on your face, your ass, your wet pussy, it was disrespectful and degrading and-- and... so, so fucking hot.

You eventually managed to finish yourself off, your orgasm leaving you relaxed and ready for a nap. You snuggled into the warm pillow, ready to let sleep overtake you when you were startled by the door opening and the very british voice that greeted you.

“ ‘ello love!” You give Dom a tired smile, pulling the blankets up some more “what’re you doin?” 

“Takin a nap.” 

“Hm, really? Tire yourself out?” 

“Uh- excuse- excuse me?” You say, stumbling over your words. He couldn’t have meant it like that… unless? Was he outside the door? Had you been moaning? You thought you’d been pretty quiet, save for the rare whimper. He grabbed the pair of underwear hanging from the door handle, holding it on display in front of you.

“Awh, don't be shy. Everyone does it love, nothin’ to be embarrassed about.” Dom says, walking over and booping you on the nose as he smiled down at you. You made momentary eye contact before your eyes flicked away from his, settling on the open door in front of you. 

“What were you thinkin about?” He asks, cutting off your meek protest of his insinuation, your eyes flicked up to his and away again. 

“Was it me?” he asks, cutting you off before you can answer. You gave him a small nod and when you continued to avoid eye contact he leant down to give kisses all over your face.

“No need to be embarrassed, love. It’s normal, plus I find it kinda hot. I wanna know what got you so worked up you couldn’t wait for me to get home.” He says, rubbing a hand over your stomach. Dom had always been so forward and it made you nervous at times. Especially when he’d basically just caught you masturbating to him.

Dom hummed, kissing and nibbling at your neck before making his way down. The thoughts from minutes before came flooding back to your brain in one big, sinful heap. You took a deep breath as he sucked at your sweet spot, bringing your hands up to tangle them in his hair. He began kissing his way up your jaw, making his way to your lips before capturing them in a kiss. Doms lips felt like soft, plushy pillows as they easily overtook your own.

You lightly tug at his hair, arching your back against his hand which is making its way down your stomach, squeezing as he reaches your upper thigh. Dom took the hair pulling as an invitation to deepen the kiss, propping himself up on his knee that sat between your legs and placing a hand beside your head to steady himself as you kissed, his other hand holding your leg. He broke the kiss momentarily, flipping you both over in one swift movement.

His hands remained at your hips, gripping them ever so slightly as if he was worried if he didnt you might slip away. You continued to kiss, hands wandering each other's body, getting completely lost in one another. Dom began to get impatient, pulling his lips away from your own as he began leaving quick, wet kisses down your neck until he reached your breasts.

“Lemme see those pretty tits.” he mumbled, partly to himself. There was no hesitation as he took one into his mouth, sucking at your nipple, his tongue flattening against it before he began to lick.

 It was then that you realized you still weren’t wearing any pants, your bare pussy sat on his sweats, resulting in a small wet patch from your arousal. A blush came over your face for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. Dom noticed you looked embarrassed and began gripping your hips a little tighter, guiding you as he led you to ride his thigh. When you tried to speed up  Doms grip on you tightened, ensuring that you only went at the pace that he set. You let out a huff, your hips moving achingly slow against him.

“You want more?” He whispers, you give a small nod in response “Hm… Use your words.”

 You remained silent, you knew exactly what you wanted to say. You wanted to tell him to pin your arms above your head and spit in your face so you couldn’t wipe it off, feeling it drip down your face as he relentlessly fucked you and if you were too loud to put spit in your mouth with his hand around your throat so you couldn’t swallow it, forcing you to sit there and taste it. But alas, your words were the only thing stuck in your throat..

“Okay, fine. You don't have to ask.” He says, completely removing his hands from your body. You began whining in protest, grabbing at his hand and attempting to place it back on your hip.

“Ah, ah, ah. Daddy isn’t going to touch you until you use your words. So, be a good girl and tell daddy what you want.” This didn’t exactly help the fact that you were nervous, but you knew he would hold out until you did what you were told.

“I want you to spit in my mouth like you said in the interview.” you mumbled.

“Speak up, I can't hear you.” He prods, you weren’t sure if he was teasing you or genuinely didn’t hear, so you attempt to swallow the lump in your throat and repeat yourself, avoiding eye contact as you did so. When you finally managed to get the words out, Dom stayed silent for a moment and you were beginning to get worried you had said something wrong when he finally said something.

“You want me to spit in that pretty little mouth?” He asks, you nod in confirmation before remembering to use your words.

“And on my face.” You say, finding it easier to speak now that you’d gotten the lump out of your throat. He smirks at that, green eyes staring directly into yours as he decided just what to do with you.

“Was that so hard?” He asks, hands returning to their grip on your hips as he slid you up and down his thigh, pushing you down against him. He watched you from his laid back position, eyes wandering from your face, to your tits, to your pussy rubbing against his sweats and back again. He could barely believe the view in front of him, his dick growing harder by the minute, your wet pussy soaking through his sweats only fueled his arousal. You reach down, rubbing him through his sweats at the same pace he slid you over his thigh. Dom lets out a moan in response, tightening his grip on your hips and speeding up the pace. It continued like this for a few minutes before his movements stopped abruptly.

“You know what? Get off me. What do you think you’re doing, hm? Rubbing my dick while you ride my thigh like a little whore?” You go to respond, but he cuts you off “It was a rhetorical question. Open your mouth.” He demands. You do as you’re told, not wanting to get in more trouble than you already were. His warm spit hit your tongue caught you by surprise, you closed your mouth and swallowed without thinking, Dom let out a huff at this.

“Did I say to swallow it?” 

“No, sorry daddy.” you whisper “again please.” you open your mouth once again, the sound of him spitting in your mouth building pressure between your legs.

“Get on your knees and keep it there.” He demands. You oblige once again, holding your mouth open for him.

“You want it? Hm? You want daddy’s dick in your mouth?” He asks, stroking himself through his sweatpants that barely concealed his boner. You weren’t sure if you were allowed to close your mouth to talk, or that if you did you would accidentally swallow his spit, so you opted to nod up at him. He seemed to accept this answer, pulling his pants down, allowing his hard dick to spring free. He let out a hiss as he wrapped a hand around his swollen prick, giving himself a few strokes before tapping the tip against your tongue, teasing you before sliding it in. 

You close your mouth around him, hollowing out your cheeks as Doms hand comes to pull your hair into a makeshift ponytail, leading you slowly up and down. You could taste the precum that had already started to bead over on his tip, flicking your tongue around it before taking more of him down your throat. Dom lets out a groan at the feeling of his tip hitting the back of your throat

“Good girl, take daddys dick down that pretty throat.” He moans, rubbing his thumb across your cheek as he stared down at you, looking away just as quickly, a barely audible “fuck.” falling from his lips. You hummed against him, the vibrations against his dick.

“You look so pretty with my dick in your mouth. Such a pretty girl.” He says, at this point you were so worked up you thought you might explode if Dom didn’t touch you soon.

“Daddy, please.” you whine, your voice raspy from the former dick down your throat.

“Please what, sweetheart?” Dom asks, moving a piece of hair out of your face.

“Please fuck me.”

“Of course, whatever you want princess.” He says, making his way on top of you. He didn’t bother teasing you, figuring you both had had enough of that for today. Instead he lined himself up with your entrance, sliding his tip between your folds to gather your arousal on his tip, making sure he was nice and lubricated before finally pushing in.

Dom took his time, wanting you to feel every inch of his swollen prick before moving in and out of you. You knew he had wanted this as bad as you did as you felt him throbbing inside of you, desperate to fuck you senseless. So he did, making sure you were comfortable and starting out slow but quickly building up to a pace that made you scream, the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, punctuated by whimpers for “More! More!”

Dom never had been good at controlling himself.

He once again grabbed a fistful of hair to move it out of your face, tugging slightly as he stared down at you, pounding away at your pussy.

“You look so pretty beneath me.” He says, causing you to blush and close your eyes. As you do you hear the sound of Dom spitting followed by the feeling of something warm and wet dripping down your face.

“Look even prettier with my spit running down your face.” He spat in your mouth again, placing his hand around your throat and choking you. You felt the pressure building up in your stomach, you tried to tell Dom you were about to cum but, between your approaching orgasm and his hand around your throat it came out in unintelligible sobs. Dom got the gist of what was happening by the way you writhed under him, he continued his pace as you rode out your high, feeling your walls pulsate around him and coming soon after you.

You stayed that way for awhile, laying there together with him still inside you as you both came down for you highs. Dom lifted his neck to kiss you on the forehead and wipe his spit from your face with the blanket.

“I mean it, you know.” He says, looking down at you as he played with your hair.

“Hm?” you inquire

“You’re so fuckin pretty.” You blushed again, hiding behind your hands. “Stop, let me see you.” He says, pulling them away and placing a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Come on, let's go take a bath.”

[saksukei]

prince joshua au

masterlist

you loved your job more than anything,, serving the king and his family as a knight, was an honor that wasn't bestowed upon many so you considered yourself lucky

the king was looking for a husband for his wonderful daughter,, and she had rejected so many princes

the king had then called on to some palm readers and soothsayers that had said that the ‘prince’ destined to be his daughter's husband is currently trapped in a tower

the king did more research and came in contact with a small country, who's king and queen had died and their own child, the prince, was locked in a tower guarded by a dragon

the king then appointed you to find the tower, rescue the prince who would marry the princess as a sign of gratitude and they could rule the smaller country together

you agreed obviously

you were cheered on by everyone as you embarked on the journey, alone, with nothing but your horse to listen to your mindless chatter

and honestly, everything was going well like the trip wasn't too tough it was just really long

when you finally reached the castle, instead of causing a scene and all to you know ‘slay the dragon’ you simply found a back way to get up to the tower

you opened the door and then you heard someone singing, “prince joshua?” you called out and the singing stopped

then you came across one of the most handsome men you had ever seen,,, he had black hair, the face of a Greek god with well toned arms and hE LOOKED MORE LIKE A KNIGHT THAN YOU DID??

“are you here to rescue me?” he asked, nonchalantly, as he flipped open a book.

“yes!” you answered, in an unusually chirpy tone.

“cool– get out of here right now because I'm not going anywhere,” he told you quite bluntly

and you were like ??? this mf I crossed half the fuckin land but this ungrateful bitch eye

“i'm sorry,,, but don't you think that I would be rather capable of escaping this shit hole if wanted too?” he hissed. “but I don't– because I don't want to escape and I don't need anyone's help either.”

“prince joshua, I understand what you mean,,, but the princess is waiting to marry you!” you replied.

“oh great– another stuck up princess who wants to marry me.”

“actually,, our princess is great. she's an absolute sweetheart and she's one of the finest bachelorettes in the country,” you explained.

“then why has she rejected,,, fifty other princes and wants to go after the one trapped in a tower?” he deadpanned.

“because–the palm reader said so,,, but this isn't important–”

“i don't need your princess– so just go away,” he told you.

after thinking for several minutes, you came up with a solution

“look how about this? you come back with me, meet the princess and if you like her you can marry her, if you don't, well– I'll help you escape back to this tower,” you suggested, finally catching his attention.

“how do I know you'll keep your word?” joshua asked, setting his book down.

“i am a knight, sir, loyalty is one of the few idiosyncrasies we can offer.”

“alright then,, I trust you– you better not let me down,,” joshua spoke as he grabbed a backpack with all of his belongings.

you used the same way to avoid the dragon and started on with your journey

at first,,, you truly thought joshua was some stuck-up prince but the more you spent time with him,, the more you realized that joshua was literally a gentleman who would be the perfect ruler of the country

he acted like an asshole before because he was sick and tired of people trying to rescue him and take all the glory

you understood his anger and ever since then joshua had been so sweet,,,

joshua wouldn't let you carry his bag, he'd make sure you were getting enough rest during the journey and one day he even offered to keep an eye out so that you could sleep

you on the other hand, taught joshua on how to light a fire etc and even some basic etiquettes,, cause I mean even if he was a prince he was trapped in a tower for so long

one time, you guys had stopped to stay by the river for the night and soon it was early morning and you woke up and saw joshua wasn't near you??

sO YOU PANICKED BEC OBVIOUSLY DID HE JUST RUN OFF BECAUSE IF HE DID THAT MF WAS IN FOR A RIDE

and you immediately ran around the place only to find him in the river,, waist deep into the water, except– he was half naked??

and boi where you shocked

cause joshua was so damn gorgeous

his perfectly chiseled jawline with that broad chest of his, his adam's apple poking out, his abs, his arms, his wet hair jUST HIM???

FUCKING MALFUNCTIONING

AND YOU WERE SO RED SO YOU JUST RAN BACK TO STOP YOUR HEART FROM RACING AND PRAYED THAT JOSHUA DIDNT SEE YOU BECAUSE JSJXJSISJSKSK HES SO HOT

you were lucky, because he didn't bring it up so you assumed he never noticed you standing there and gawking at him lmao

but all in all, you had fun with joshua he always managed to make you laugh but you could always have those late night talks with him

like when he asked you why you became a knight ,,,,,

“well, as a kid, when the knights would come back from winning the battle and the streets would be lined up with roses and people cheering from them, I knew at that point that, that was who I wanted to be.”

and he was like wow you're so cool omfg

also joshua gets impressed every time you hold your sword

HIS EYES LITERALLY LIGHT UP

he says he wants to learn how to use a sword too because he's a prince but he's really scared

you: josh hold my sword, it's literally not gonna do anything just hoLD IT

josh: wHAT IF IT FALLS ON MY FOOT AND SLICES IT OFF

and you were like I think staying in the tower for too long has lowered your IQ level

but you also told Josh that if he didn't like holding a sword, then he doesn't have to, because you were there to protect him with your life

and you didn't realize but Joshua was looking at you with HEART EYES

soon enough, reached the palace and you were kinda upset that you know joshua had to go and well,,, get married and part of you really wished it wouldn't work out

because you had bonded with him so well you just ,,,,, started liking him and it broke your heart knowing you couldn't have him

besides, he didn't reciprocate anything either so it'd be useless to even imagine

but when you told the king and queen and they met joshua

they were like ??? you didn't get the message??

and you were like what message??

“the princess already found someone she liked and she's getting married in like a month–?”

and you were pissed more than you were happy

not because all this effort was for nothing but the fact that poor joshua,,, he might have been looking forward to this

so you talked to the king and queen and they said that joshua should go back to his country now

you left the room and started crying because you felt as if it was all your fault

“hey, are you okay?” you heard a voice behind you say,,,,, it was joshua

you wiped your tears, “y-yeah I'm good,” you managed to choke out.

and before you could leave, joshua wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest, where you broke down and told him everything

you especially kept on apologizing to him and said that you'd make everything right and even find him a princess if you have too

“its okay if the princess doesn't want to marry me,,,, cause I found my princess right here,” he cooed and you chuckled because he was so cheesy,, typical Joshua

“but still josh, I'll take you back to the tower and all,” you told him

“nope, no need too– I need to go back to my country and look after my people as well, I've done enough damage as it is.”

“right”

“are you going to come with me if I go?” he asked, hoping you'd say yes

“I'm a knight, i can't leave the country....” you answered.

and then Josh was like okay hollup I'll talk to the king and the queen

and boi went into the room where the king and queen were while you waited outside and they called you inside eventually

and the king and queen were like,, “we would like you to resign,,, so you can marry joshua and go rule his country.”

and you were like ??????HOW DID HE SWEET TALK THEM INTO THIS EYE

the king and queen said they'd like to give you an official good bye if you could stay for another two to three days and you and Josh agreed

Josh had to stay in one of the palace rooms

and it was 7am you were going to talk to joshua about something very important and you knocked and opened his room door

anD HE WAS STANDING WITHOUT A SHIRT

“o-oh my god,,,, IM SO SORRY!” you yelled, as you covered your eyes and bowed profusely

and Joshua chuckled, as he walked towards you, removing your hands from your eyes, eventually pining you against the door,,,

“darling– don't like act like this is the first time you've seen me naked,,,,, we both know you've been quite scandalous.”

[fics-n-stuff]

Empty Castle

Pairing: JJ x reader

Summary: Three weeks after John B and Sarah Cameron were lost at sea, Kildare is still reeling from the dramatic events surrounding the death of its sheriff. JJ in particular has been struggling to get back to normal, so Y/N goes to try and help him get back on his feet. Sequel to Holding Cell.

Warnings: tiny bit of swearing, v sad JJ

Word Count: 4.2k (about double what I originally intended)

A/N: This took way longer than expected and I didn't mean for this to be so sad but it got real sad, so there isn't really anything beyond platonic until towards the end. I would highly suggest that you read Holding Cell first (perhaps because I worked hard on it and I want people to read it) but if you really don't want to then all you really need to know is that JJ and Y/N were childhood friends but hadn't spoken for two years until they both got arrested on the same day and they decided to be friends again. Cool, enjoy! :)

The bell for the end of school rang and the crowd of teenagers swarmed out, and you made your way to the bike rack along with your friends.

"So, my house for movie night?" Jess said, and the rest of your friends chorused in agreement.

"Actually, I have something else to do." You replied, fastening your helmet. "I'll come by after if I finish up in time."

"What are you doing?"

"I need to go see someone." You replied, quickly getting on your bike before any further questions could be asked. "Later guys."

You cycled out to the house that you knew was where John B lived - basically the entire island knew where he lived after everything that had happened - and left your bike on the porch. The front door was open.

"JJ?" You called tentatively. "Are you here?" You heard movement from one of the rooms and turned towards it, seeing JJ walk out a few moments later. He looked disheveled, shirtless and with messy hair.

"Y/N?" He asked, surprised. His voice was slightly gravelly, like he'd woken up not long ago. "Why are you here?"

"I came to find you, JJ. School started on Monday, you've missed the whole week."

"School started?" His question made you frown in worry. "Wait, how did know I'd be here?"

"Because you're not anywhere else." You answered, putting down your school bag. "Nobody's really seen you. I stopped by at your house and your dad said-"

"You did what?"

"Relax, JJ, it's not as if he has any idea who I am. And he told me that you haven't been home in two weeks."

"I'm surprised he's kept track." JJ muttered.

"Clearly you haven't." The comment made JJ pause. He ruffled his hair and let out a long sigh, looking down at his own appearance. "What have you been doing these past weeks?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "It's kinda blurred. I go to work, I go fishing, I smoke. I really didn't realise that school had started." He crossed the room to the sofa and grabbed a tank top off of the back of it, throwing it on before making his way to the kitchen.

"So I take it you've just been living here." You stated, looking around the mess that had accumulated in the house.

"Yeah. Pope and Lie have been staying away from the place ever since, uh..." He trailed off, pushing his tongue against his cheek and clearing his throat. "But me, I'm here basically all the time. They use Heyward's boat so I've got the HMS Pogue all to myself; they use Kie's car, I get that busted up van." He laughed, but there was a real sadness behind it.

You watched JJ as he made himself a sandwich, and even from a distance you could tell that there was barely any food in that kitchen. A few seconds passed and you spun on your heel, starting to collect empty food packages from around the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Cleaning." You answered matter-of-factly. "If you insist on staying here, I insist that you keep it clean."

"Why do you even care?"

When you turned around to face him JJ was leaning against the kitchen door frame. He wasn't looking at you, rather he was staring at the floor. His body language was relaxed but you knew that that wasn't how he was feeling.

"What happened to the 'giving to whole friendship thing another try' deal?" You replied. "I'm just trying to live up to my side of the agreement."

"Maybe that wasn't such a great idea."

"Okay." You muttered after a stretch of silence. "Let's try this again later. You go off back to your bedroom or whatever, I'll clean up here and we can reconvene at a later time." You pushed past him into the kitchen to look through the cabinets for trash bags, and when you found them you pushed past him back to the living room.

"Y/N-"

"I'm not leaving, JJ, so don't even try it." You interrupted, throwing empty bottles and cans into a trash bag. You heard him mutter something under his breath and disappear down the hall, slamming the door shut behind him. You scoffed and continued clearing the house.

You got rid of all of the trash from the living room and the kitchen before knocking on the door to the room JJ had shut himself in. By now he'd had about half an hour of preparation for a civil conversation.

When you opened the door he was lying on his back on the bed with a hat covering his face, but you knew he was awake because he kept fiddling with his fingers and tensing and untensing his jaw.

"You ready to talk about it?" You asked softly, taking a seat at the foot of the bed.

"No." He mumbled, his response muffled by the hat over his face.

"Want a hug?" He didn't answer, so you took his silence to mean 'yes but I don't want to say it out loud'. You kicked off your shoes and shuffled up the bed so that you were lying beside JJ, draping an arm over his body and resting your head on his chest. He let out a long sigh and slowly wrapped his arm around your body, pulling you in closer.

You stayed like that for a long time, just listening to yourselves breathe while you waited for JJ to be ready to talk to you.

"We really ran off a cliff, didn't we?" He finally broke the silence, his voice quiet and full of emotion as he removed the hat from over his face. "Pope lost his scholarship, I've become a complete pothead, John B and Sarah are missing. We don't even have the gold."

"Gold?" You questioned.

"We found the wreck of the Merchant, Y/N." He whispered, staring up at the ceiling. "And we found the gold, underneath the Craine house, and Ward Cameron took the whole lot out from under us while the town was on a manhunt for John B."

"Oh my god, JJ!" You exclaimed, sitting up. "You seriously found the Merchant gold?"

"Yep. To finish what Big John started. But it doesn't matter now, it's gone. Just like John B." His voice broke as he said his best friend's name, and you lay back down beside him.

"I'm sorry."

"They could still be out there, right?" JJ murmured. "I mean, they found the Phantom but they didn't find John B and Sarah. Maybe they got picked up by a ship."

"Yeah of course, that's totally possible." You nodded. The silence stretched out again, JJ sniffling every now and then as if holding back from crying.

After a while you sat up, getting JJ's attention and he turned his head to look at you.

"Let's go grocery shopping." You said. "There's barely any food in this house, you need some supplies."

"I haven't really got the money, Y/N."

"My parents just left town and I never spend all of the money that they leave so we can use that." You replied adamantly. "You need to get some human contact, okay? So let's go."

You climbed off of the bed and put your shoes back on before pulling JJ up as well. Reluctantly, he put on some shoes and grabbed the keys to John B's van.

+++

The two of you were out for about an hour. You stopped off at your house to grab the cash before going to the grocery store, where you ended up leading the shopping trip because JJ apparently had basically no knowledge of nutrition. Being with another person seemed to bring JJ out of the haze that he had been presumably for the past few weeks; he even smiled at a joke you made while you were at the checkout.

"I didn't expect you to have enough money for a full grocery shop." JJ said as the two of you packed the food away in the kitchen.

"Well, because my parents don't talk to each other they also don't coordinate their trips out of town which most often results in them both leaving money for me." You explained. "I never tell them, I just keep the extra cash as compensation for the neglect." You smiled, closing the cabinet you had been packing things into and turning around to take a seat on the counter. JJ finished putting away the last of the groceries and leant against the wall opposite you, folding his arms over his chest.

"Why'd you really come find me?" He asked.

"Well, after John B and Sarah got lost in the storm it was obvious that you weren't going to be doing the best." You answered, watching him carefully to gauge how he was feeling. "And when you didn't show up for school all of this week, I figured that you might need a friend to bring you back to reality."

"I, uh, I appreciate that." He nodded, his lips turning upwards into a small smile.

"Happy to help." A silence settled between you again, as it had many times throughout the evening, but it felt a little different this time; slightly more tense, but not in a bad way.

"Do you wanna go out on the boat?" JJ suggested. "The sun's about to set."

"Sure. Sounds nice." You replied, hopping off of the counter. His smile grew and he kicked off the wall, adjusting his hat on his head as he headed back to the front door, you following after.

You took a seat on the bow of the boat while JJ got it going, and you stayed in silence as he drove you out into the marsh. The sky was orange and violet when he anchored the Pogue, and he came to take a seat beside you.

"It's nice, isn't it?" He said quietly, looking out at the sun setting over the water. "I come out here most nights if I'm not still at work."

"Yeah, it's beautiful." You nodded. "What's your job?"

"Busboy in a hotel restaurant. You got a job?"

"Nah, I've got my absent parent money." You looked over at JJ and you could see sympathy in his eyes. "Don't feel bad for me, it's really not so terrible." You chuckled. You didn't need sympathy; certainly not from JJ, who was in a far more difficult situation than you.

You talked idly as you watched the sunset and when the sky turned dark you had settled into silence and lay back on the boat to look up at the stars. The two of you were lying with your hands on your stomachs, your elbows touching with the proximity in the small boat.

"What if they're not out there?" JJ whispered, barely audible.

"Then... we learn to keep going." You answered, turning your head to look at him. "Look, JJ, I was never as close to John B as you were, and I have no idea how you guys became friends with Sarah Cameron, but whether they're out or not, and whether they cane back, you'll always have them with you."

He turned to look at you too, tears shining in his eyes, and you reached a hand out to grab his and interlocked your fingers.

"I know it's cliché, but it's true." You smiled reassuringly. "They left you a piece of themselves to keep in your heart, and nothing can ever take that from you." He held onto your hand tightly, a single tear escaping his eye as he tensed his jaw to try and hold back any more.

"I really miss him, Y/N." He sniffled. "He was my brother, you know." You quickly moved to hug JJ, your body half on top of his as he wrapped his arms around you tightly and buried his face in your shoulder as he started to break down.

You maneuvered the two of you into a sitting position so that you could wrap your arms around him properly, cradling his head in your hand. He held onto you tightly, his tears soaking through your t-shirt and his body shaking with his sobs.

Minutes passed before JJ calmed down, and you held onto his shoulders as you broke away from the hug.

"You'll be alright. Okay?" You said softly, and he nodded. "I'll drive us back." You wiped away the tears on his face with your thumbs with a smile, before getting up to bring up the anchor.

JJ stayed where he was sat while you drove the boat back to John B's house. You docked the boat and went inside, the atmosphere heavy. He took a seat on the sofa while you flicked on the lights.

"Can I tell you something, Y/N?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course."

"I used to have the biggest crush on you when we were kids." The confession left you a little shocked, but you didn't show it, and JJ continued. "John B used to tease me about it all the time. When we were thirteen, after, like, four years of pining after you, he told me that I just needed to man up and tell you... but I never did, and then our friendship kind of just fell apart."

"Why are you telling me this now?" You questioned, and JJ let out a sigh before shrugging.

"I don't know. With John B missing and you suddenly back in my life... it just feels weird." He answered. "But I'm glad that you're here. I think I really need it."

"I think you do too." You chuckled. "Now, I'm gonna make us something to eat."

"Us?"

"What, you don't want me to stay?"

"No!" He defended himself loudly, making you laugh. "No, that's not it at all. I just wasn't expecting you to."

"Well, I have nowhere else to be." You smiled before disappearing into the kitchen.

You busied yourself in cooking, cutting up some chicken and vegetables and throwing them into a stir fry. You were completely absorbed in what you were doing, humming to yourself while you pushed the food around the pan with a wooden spatula, so when you felt a hand on your shoulder it made you jump.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." JJ apologised quickly, taking a small step back. "I said your name but you didn't hear me."

"Oh, really? Sorry." You chuckled. "What did you want?"

"Just... You weren't weirded out that I used to have a crush on you?" He asked tentatively.

"No, of course not." You shrugged turning back to the pan. "I'll admit it was a little surprising, but we were kids and we were super close. Jess used to tease me about that all the time."

"About us being close?"

"Yeah. I remember one time she totally freaked out because you called me pretty. Can you get a couple of plates out for me please?" You heard JJ open a cupboard and take out a couple of plates.

"For what it's worth," He said, setting the plates down on the counter beside you and taking out some cutlery. "I still think you're pretty."

"Aw, thanks JJ." You smiled. "You're not too bad yourself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He countered, feigning offense, and you laughed.

"Nothing. You're a good looking guy; not at all like the chubby cheeked little kid that I used to know."

You dished up your meals and you and JJ went back to the living room to eat. You kicked you legs up onto the sofa with your plate on your lap and tucked in. It was later in the evening than you would usually eat, so you were eager to get some food into your stomach. Even still, JJ practically vaccumed in the food and finished before you did. He took the plates back through to kitchen when you finished.

"You gonna head home any time soon?" He asked.

"I'm not in a rush." You shrugged. "I'll just be going back to an empty house." JJ hummed in acknowledgement. He lifted your legs up to sit on the couch beside you, putting them back down on his lap once he'd gotten himself situated. Maybe him being in such a vulnerable situation earlier had accelerated your connection, but it was like those two years that you didn't talk at all never even happened; you were just as close as ever, if not more somehow.

"You're gonna stick around, right?" He said, turning to look at you. You tilted your head slightly.

"Of course." You reassured, smiling. "I'm not gonna leave you now, of all times. Besides, I missed you and we were supposed to be trying the friendship thing again anyway."

"Yeah, the friendship thing." He muttered, downcatsing his gaze, and you frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"JJ, you can tell me." You took your legs off of his lap and crossed them under you, shuffling forwards towards JJ and lowering your head to try and catch his gaze.

"I..." He began but trailed off immediately. He let out a loud sigh, running a hand over his face and through his hair before taking a deep breath. "I know that I might just be saying this because I'm kinda fucked up in the head with my friends being lost at sea and all, but I think I still like you Y/N. As more than a friend." He rambled.

"JJ, we didn't speak to each other for two years." You replied, taken aback by what he was saying and trying to introduce some reason into the conversation.

"I know- I know that, Y/N, but... it doesn't feel like anything has changed for me." He explained, mirroring your body language and crossing his legs under himself to face you. "I get it, it's stupid, but I can't help that. I mean, I know that we were literally twelve years old but when we were friends before I think that there was something there. Maybe I'm biased because I liked you, but maybe..."

He looked at you, his eyes searching for any tell of what you were thinking, and there was a long pause while you thought.

"Even if there was something." You started slowly. "We were kids, JJ."

"We still are kids. We're sixteen." He argued. "When we were at the sheriff's station I felt something there, even though we hadn't spoken for two years. Tell me you didn't feel it too."

You looked away from him and took a deep breath. You would be lying if you said that you never had any feelings for JJ - he was probably the first real crush that you had - and it was probably your feelings for him that made you react so strongly when he would get himself into trouble. And you did think that being with JJ again felt much the same as it had done back then; plus, you hadn't been lying when you said that he'd grown up to be pretty handsome. Even still, he was going through an incredibly difficult time and you didn't think it would be a good idea to start any kind of relationship.

"Maybe... Maybe there might be something." You mumbled. "But right now really isn't the time to try it."

"Why not?"

"Because... well, you..." You struggled to articulate what you wanted to say.

"Y/N, I know it's a really messed up time, okay? Two of my best friends are lost at sea and I haven't spoken to the other two in weeks. I have lost all of the people closest to me and I feel completely alone, so maybe the fact that you're literally the only person that I have right now is making my feelings more extreme - I recognise that - but that doesn't mean that they're not real."

"JJ, I can't in good conscience agree to pursuing anything with you right now." You replied softly, shaking your head. It hurt you to have to say no.

"Don't you want to try?" He asked, voice a little weak as he looked into your eyes. "It doesn't need to be a huge commitment, we can just give it a try."

You looked over his face, the cogs turning in your mind as you thought through the situation. You really did want to give it a try, you were just worried that it might do JJ more harm than good. But the longer you ĺooked and him and the more you thought about the possibility, the more you wanted to pursue it.

"No promises, no big commitments... but I'll stick around." You smiled slightly, and you put a hand gently against JJ's cheek when he smiled back. "I just don't want you to get into something that's not good for you." He chuckled, taking your hand from his face and holding it in both of his.

"You've always been looking out for me." He mumbled, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. "Where would I be without you?"

"Somewhere messy I'm sure." You smiled.

"Definitely."

You sat in silence for a minute. You were watching JJ's face while he fiddled with your fingers. He let out puffs of air every once in a while like he had just remembered something funny, and it made you smile. You yawned, suddenly realising that you were actually really tired.

"Since I'd be going home to an empty house anyway," you began, breaking the short silence. "Would you be alright with me maybe staying here for the night?" JJ looked up from your hands with an amused smile.

"Of course." He answered happily. "I could use the company."

"Great."

He stood up from the sofa and gently pulled you up after him. Your hands remained connected as he walked you through to the same bedroom as earlier and flicked on the lights.

"This is where I've been crashing." He said, quickly scratching the back of his neck. "You can stay here with me if you want, or you can stay in the other bedroom if you'd rather do that." He became noticeably more tense at the mention of the other bedroom, and you just knew that it was because that was John B's room even though you'd never been there before.

"I'll stay here." You smiled, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. "Can I borrow a t-shirt?"

"Yeah, sure." He let go of your hand and crossed the room to a duffel bag in the corner. "There's stuff in all the drawers so I've kinda just been living out of this thing." He pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to you.

"Thank you." You smiled as you took it. JJ nodded awkwardly and shuffled past you out of the room, pulling the door shut after himself.

You quickly rid yourself of your school clothes and put on the t-shirt that JJ gave you - which was long and baggy on your body - before hopping onto the bed and covering your legs with the covers. He came back in not long later carrying two glasses of water.

"I figured you might want a drink at some point." He mumbled, setting the glass down on the bedside table. You gave a grateful smile and quiet thanks as he turned on the bedside lamp and then went to turn off the main light.

"We used to have sleepovers sometimes when we were kids." You mumbled as he walked around the bed and climbed in beside you. "Do you remember?"

"Yeah, of course I do." He smiled, lying down. "We used to stay up until midnight thinking that it was a big deal."

"It was back then. Midnight is really late when you're ten years old."

"I miss when little things like that could be so exciting." He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. You looked down at him thoughtfully, absentmindedly reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of his face.

"Well, anything can be exciting with the right company." You said softly. His eyes shifted to connect with yours and he smiled ever so slightly. "We have the whole weekend ahead of us, maybe we could do something fun. Go surfing, like old times, maybe?"

"That sounds nice." He murmured.

You shuffled down the bed to rest your head on the pillows and reached over to flick off the table lamp. You lay on your side facing JJ as he remained looking up at the ceiling. With the moonlight coming through the window you could just see the silhouette of his face and a slight shine where the light reflected off his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" You whispered after a while.

"Lots of stuff."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow." He answered with a sigh, turning his head to look at you. "But thanks."

"No problem." You smiled. "We'll talk tomorrow." You shuffled towards JJ and curled into his chest as he wrapped an arm around you. You felt him press a very light kiss to the top of your head and it made you smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He replied, holding you a little tighter, and you fell asleep in each other's arms. For the first time since John B and Sarah went missing, JJ had some comfort and you were happy to be the person to provide that for him.

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 5

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Caught up in a blood feud between the villages of Wheat and Barley, Saelhen and Looseleaf are tasked with investigating a recent death. Their investigation takes them to a spooky tower owned by the local crazy torture wizard, which- hey, why was this guy not considered a suspect, huh? He's a crazy torture wizard!

Last time, the group was introduced to Malath Kanthalga, matron cleric of the village of Barley. She has no trust for outsiders- but she was willing to let Looseleaf lend a hand in proving once and for all that the scoundrels of Wheat were responsible for the recent murders.

To that end, the party is led a ways down the road to the farmstead of Roos and Gera Nicksickle, an elderly halfling couple which was recently slain.

En route, Looseleaf sizes up the farmers Malath has been arming, to see if any of them seem to have combat experience. There's one lizardfolk farmer who seems more comfortable with the armor, and holds his pitchfork like a spear. She makes a note of that.

They arrive, and are met by Lester Jawhold, a doughy-looking human man who's standing guard over the body out in the field, accompanied by a number of vicious-looking hounds. With permission to search the crime scene, some investigationing occurs.

Saelhen gets some basic details- the body was pierced through the chest with a four-pronged weapon, as described. Plus, there are the remains of hastily-erased footprints in the dusty soil- bootprints, it seems.

Looseleaf uses her animism magic to get a more direct picture of the incident. The corpse, recently dead, has a dead-corpse spirit that retains some information thanks to the emotionally volatile nature of recent events. The cause of death... being suddenly pierced through the heart, from the front, by a strange four-pointed weapon that induced extreme pain. It appeared to strike from out of thin air. Nothing about the corpse indicates a memory of seeing an assailant.

Indoors, the other victim, Gera, is found dead on the floor of the kitchen. It seems like the cause of death is the same, but... Looseleaf's animism reveals that her vital organs are intact, and she appears to have died of shock from the extreme pain.

All Saelhen finds from searching the house is... an empty cupboard with a recently-unlocked lock, and a mattress removed from its bed. Plus some of the same bootprints from outside.

Looseleaf has the idea to search the house for the victims' boots, to compare with the prints found outside. And what the search reveals is... there are no boots. They didn't own any. They were halflings. So their house being covered in dusty bootprints... well, it implies someone else was here and murdered them, which rules out the "a weird knife sort of inexplicably teleported into their chests" theory, at least.

The only real clue they have to go on is the extreme pain experienced by the victims. This suggests...

Malath gives a little exposition on the torture wizard- apparently he considers himself a savior, who through his experiments intends to vanquish pain itself- and surely torturing a few unwilling test subjects will be worth it, if he succeeds. Malath doesn't seem to consider it likely that Lumiere is the culprit, for the same reasons as Thalath- but jokingly suggests that perhaps Lumiere might have some information on who stole his torture tools to commit murder with.

Looseleaf: "So," Looseleaf asks, "if we're going to the tower wherein dwells a torture wizard, what can you tell us about what we might expect to face there? Ravenous horrific alchemical experiments ready to eat our faces? Traps? Magical servitors? A portal to another realm full of horrors?" Benedict I. (GM): She looks briefly surprised. "No, I... though I haven't been victim to him myself, I would warn strongly against confronting Lumiere, unless you're all much more seasoned than you look. None from our village have been able to resist him when he decided our consent was no longer worth trying to wrest from us." "Those who have been inside the tower might have more information for you, if you're fool enough to try." Looseleaf: "Well, team, you've heard the mission dossier, I guess. Do we think we're fool enough to try?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen Fishercrown is not fool enough to try. Unfortunately, Saelhen isn't getting to be Saelhen right now. "...I imagine that we have no other recourse." Benedict I. (GM): Vayen looks... almost gleeful, insofar as his face betrays any expression. Looseleaf: Thanks for the vote of creepiness, edgelord.

Saelhen opts to kill annoying helicopters with one stone, and suggests that the team split up to gather information on the tower from the townspeople. She also suggests that Malath personally keep an eye on Vayen, as the least-trustworthy-seeming member of the group. Good persuasion means it works, and Vayen goes off to interrogate Lester Jawhold while the rest of the team heads into town to ask around about Lumiere's past victims.

First, on the way back to town, they speak with Chitch Ssarzar, the lizardfolk with the apparent military background. He's got one hell of a sob story for them!

Saelhen du Fishercrown: 24 PERSUASION (8) all i do is win Benedict I. (GM): That'll do it- Chitch is pretty horrified at the implication that you're actually trying this, but with sufficient reassurance, he'll spill his guts. He came to Grain back when it was just Grain, twenty-odd years ago, hoping to raise his infant daughter somewhere less dangerous than the Cutthroat Islands. Then, during the fire, his daughter was kidnapped by the wizard, and he tried storming the tower to get her back. He got captured, strapped to a rack, and had his flesh flensed and healed and flensed and healed repeatedly. At one point he thought he'd get a reprieve, when the wizard's teakettle went off and he went downstairs to get some tea- but the flensing knives just kept going, by themselves, without stopping. He never saw his daughter again. He was eventually released, and thanked for his service, and by that point he was too traumatized to ask Lumiere what happened to his daughter, in case it provoked him to torture him more. He's pretty wracked with guilt over the situation.

They get a rough description of the first few floors of the tower, up to the torture room. Plus, some exposition on the town's history:

Looseleaf: Okay. More questions: this time, asking about the town. It was called Grain, once? It split into two towns and now Barley hates Wheat? There was a fire? How did this all come to happen such that a single town turned in on itself? Benedict I. (GM): Yes- either 28 or 29 years ago, he forgets exactly, there was some feuding between farmers growing different crops. The ones with less fertile soil, sandier towards the southeast and closer to the mountains, had some kind of grudge against the landowners with more fertile soil, and it was this whole political infighting nightmare he didn't understand, as he was new in town. Then the dragon attacked, and... he's not entirely sure what happened, because accusations were flying left and right, but apparently some people tried to use the dragon attack as cover to commit arson against their enemies? Saelhen du Fishercrown: DRAGON Looseleaf: A FUCKING DRAGON Benedict I. (GM): And most of the town burned down, and when it came time to rebuild, nobody wanted to build near each other- and there was some sort of weird religious split between Family and Harmony so that most of the Harmony people decided to go grow wheat on the worse land, and the Family people went to go grow barley on the better land. He'd never been super involved with the split, as a newcomer, and spent the early rebuilding period being tortured- Barley was just the closest civilization after he was set free. Looseleaf: Mmmmm. A tragedy, all around, gods-damn. Saelhen du Fishercrown: caused by a dragon. a dragedy, if you will.

Then it's off to visit the innkeeper, Cassie Zeishus.

Benedict I. (GM): When you reach the inn, you meet Cassie Zeishus, the innkeeper. She tells you about the time she visited the torture wizard to see if her husband was there. Looseleaf: Oh, yeah, you know. Just, a conjugal visit. To the torture tower. Benedict I. (GM): Apparently her husband, kind of a good-for-nothing out-of-towner she married largely as a charity case, kept on gambling and trying to sleep around and doing general sleazy vice stuff, and was miserable in a town that didn't want to indulge him- and she's pretty sure he faked getting kidnapped by the torture wizard to escape it. Saelhen du Fishercrown: as one does definitely not victim-blaming Benedict I. (GM): This was corroborated by Lumiere quite pleasantly answering the door and telling her no, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of this Arnie fellow, and would she like to come in for tea? And her saying no, no thank you, and walking away. Looseleaf: Huh. Benedict I. (GM): She doesn't know why the guy let her leave, despite a propensity for forcing people inside and torturing them in the past. She chalks it up to having been very intimidating towards him.

Saelhen also tries to inquire about Kensa, Thalath's sister, who's apparently in some sort of dire straits here. She doesn't want to give away that she's asking about Kensa deliberately, so she takes something of a garden path of conversation, about Malath and why the townsfolk call her "Mother". Eventually she gets to Kensa, who apparently weaves cloth and sells it to the general store, where she can be found around this time of day. (She's apparently got something going on with the shopkeep's son.)

Looseleaf: these affairs might not be something we can intervene constructively in. Saelhen du Fishercrown: I mean, Saelhen's definitely abducting this child Looseleaf: gosh, well, when you put it that way, how could we not. Saelhen du Fishercrown: let's visit the general store! saelhen enjoys cloth.

At the general store, they find... not really any evidence that anything bad is going on with Kensa. She seems... fine? Also six feet tall and jacked as hell, because she's a goliath and their twelve-year-olds are just like that?

Kensa notices Lady Noeru de la Surplus' fancy silk dress, and fangirls over it immediately.

Benedict I. (GM): "Whoa, is that silk?" "I don't know if we have any silk in the back, but-" "Silk?" the girl by the window asks. "Ohmigosh, you have a silk dress? Ohmigosh, how much did it cost?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah." Saelhen expected a little more resistance than this! "15 gold, when I bought it." Benedict I. (GM): "Whooooaaaa..." She's looking the dress up and down with obvious envy. "Nnnnngh, but I don't have... fifteen gold..." Looseleaf: oh my gosh she wants to buy it

Benedict I. (GM): "It's- hang on, if I get ten, will you sell it?" "I can probably get ten! And I'll throw in a replacement!" "Not silk, but-" "Uh, Mr. Teller, do you still have last week's stuff in the back?" Looseleaf: this kid's great Benedict I. (GM):"It's good, I promise!"

Saelhen, being a con artist and kind of a jerk, turns down the offer, but skillfully reframes the issue by exploiting Kensa's love of textiles to get it repaired on the cheap in exchange for a swatch or two of the fabric. Great... job...?

After interrogating the townsfolk, Looseleaf has a bright idea- she wants to buy a climbing pack to scale the tower from the outside. It costs her extra, since new stuff has to be custom-forged overnight (a remote farming village like this doesn't have much call for climbing packs), but she gets it.

Vayen comes back, with testimony from Lester. It's not much they didn't get from Chitch- just a note that apparently vegetables were chopping themselves in Lumiere's kitchen.

Looseleaf: i should get some food too maybe! anyways all this is really pointing hard to 'the four-pronged stabby painblades move on their OWN'. it's not clear who's BEHIND it, but it's pretty obvious now that all the clues point towards the stabbies being the culprit.

-

The next morning, they head out to the tower. They notice a couple things: one is a sign that reads: " KEEP SHOUTING",

and the other is a bunch of broken glass and rubble strewn across the ground. Looking up, they notice the sixth floor seems to have had a large window smashed open. Weirdly, less glass on the ground than you'd expect if it'd been smashed open from the inside.

Looseleaf's Animist class can Detect Magic, sorta, and it's pretty clear to her that the front door is magic- so rather than fall for an obvious trap, she puts her plan into action. She can jump 30 feet up with the aid of her wings, so she's able to jump straight to the third floor and try to drive a piton into the stone to drop a rope for the rest of the party.

Here is a list of problems with that plan:

Looseleaf has tiny little sticklike moth arms, which exert insufficient force to drive pitons into stone with no leverage.

Breaking a window to attach the rope to instead results in a broken window.

Inside the broken window is a spindly suit of armor covered in nasty spikes, which immediately springs to life and turns to face whoever just broke a window next to it.

Also an alarm goes off.

Looseleaf is able to get the rope secured before the living armor attacks her, and jumps back out the window- as a moth, she essentially has Feather Fall on at all times. Still, going in through that window presents a problem.

They've noticed something, though- the automaton doesn't seem to be chasing them out the window. It's just standing there, staring down at them. This... gives Looseleaf a bright idea.

Orluthe has to make his grapple check with disadvantage, given that he's trying to snag this thing with his halberd with one hand while clinging to the side of a building by a rope, but luckily this thing botches its own roll thanks to its patented "stand perfectly still because there are no intruders in the building" maneuver.

It takes a bunch of fall damage from hitting the ground, is knocked prone, and the remainder of the party immediately unloads on it on a surprise round with crits for a bazillion damage, killing it before it can move.

This was a really good idea!

Too bad there was another one just inside, which Orluthe is now alone with!

...Wait, no, he's a giant wolfman in football armor and he suplexes the other one out the window, where the exact same thing proceeds to happen to it. Okay. Cool.

With that, the party makes their way inside. Whatever the alarm was, it seems to have died down, physically- whatever was powering it petered out. Plus, Looseleaf's magic detection means there's no way they could get caught in any traps!

Any magic traps!

Saelhen fails her perception check while walking across the room to a treasure chest and hits a tripwire and a net falls from the ceiling, trapping her and Oyobi! I bet this would be a really dangerous trap if there were, say, two menacing spiky robots bearing down on them trying to kill them while they were defenseless. As is, though... it's a minor inconvenience.

After this snafu, Saelhen tries to pick open the chest, only to find that the lock is a) quite well-made, and b) itself trapped, with a poison needle in the locking mechanism designed to go off if a lockpicking attempt fails. She just barely gets her fingers away in time, and opts to leave this treasure chest to loot later, after they're done here.

The stairs up from floor 3 seem to be blocked off by a translucent red magic barrier, so Looseleaf resumes the original plan. She stands on the windowsill of the third floor, and just flaps up to the fourth floor, looking inside and this time unlocking the window telekinetically from the inside, rather than breaking it and setting off an alarm.

When she opens the window (to the torture laboratory), some more very scary torture robots immediately go after her, as do a variety of flying knives that have quite a bit of movement speed and stab her repeatedly.

Maybe this idea had some flaws.

Next time: Looseleaf hopefully doesn't get turned into moth sashimi by animated torture implements! More dungeon is crawled! Some jerk falls down the stairs and it's hilarious!

[etlunainmorte]

A short instruction!

Please, watch the video to get a full grasp of what V would be doing later on in the story.

Thank you so much and enjoy the latest chapter!

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*Chinese Black Tea*

Directions

1. Preparation

Before making a cup of black tea, you're supposed to get a clean tea set ( such as a teapot, fair cup, and cups ), tea, and a kettle of boiling water prepared.

2. Measuring Out the Tea Into the Cup / Teapot

Measure out the desired amount of black tea leaves ( 3 to 5 grams for 150 to 250 ml of tea ) and put them in the cup or teapot.

3. Boiling Water and Pouring It Into the Cup / Teapot

Boil the water and pour it into the cup. If a teapot is used, you're advised to fill 80% of the teapot with water ( to avoid spillage when pouring ).

4. Observing the Color and Smelling the Fragrance

Steep the tea leaves for 2 to 3 minutes. Then you're highly advised to observe the red infusion and smell its fruity fragrance.

5. Enjoy It

As the tea cools down, you can fully enjoy its delicious taste.

*Chinese Walnut Cookies ( 核桃酥 )*

Prep Time - 55 minutes

Calories - 590

Servings - 4

Ingredients

120 grams unsalted butter ( 1 stick / 8 tablespoons, softened at room temperature )

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 large egg ( beaten )

1 1/2 cups all - purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 pinch salt

1/2 cup walnuts ( shelled, broken to small pieces )

Directions

Add butter, granulated sugar and brown sugar into a large bowl. Mix with a hand mixer on low until smooth.

Add 2 tablespoons of egg. Keep mixing until fully and combined.

Add flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Mix until it just forms a dough. Do not over mix. It is okay if there is a bit of dry flour left in the bowl.

Change to a spatula. Add walnuts and add them into the dough.

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C ( 350 F ).

Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or prepare a nonstick cookie sheet. Scoop about 1 and 1/2 tablespoons cookie dough and transfer it to the cookie sheet, 1 scoop apart from each other. You can also use smaller cookies by using 1 tablespoon dough per cookie.

Once the dough is divided, flatten the dough into a round disk, about 6 - cm ( 1/3 - inch ) in thickness.

Mix the remaining egg with 1 teaspoon water to make the egg wash. Right before baking, brush a thin layer of egg wash on the top of each cookies.

Bake for 31 to 35 minutes, or until the cookies are cooked through.

Remove the cookies from the oven and place them onto a cooling rack for 5 minutes. Then transfer the cookies onto the rack until completed cooled down.

You can store them in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

***

"You said, please, say yes." You excitedly informed him. "And I said, yes! I'm going to the New Year's Ball with you, V!"

It took the poet a full minute before he finally realized what you were talking about. And when he finally realized what your words truly meant, his eyes slowly widened and his mouth fell open in shock. He grabbed his messy hair with both hands and spoke, "That - that's your answer, right? You'll go to the Ball with me?"

"Hahaha! Of course, you silly poet!" You laughed as you threw yourself at him, hugging him and placing a tender kiss on his cheek. Oh, how sweet you smelled. What a nice morning, indeed! "See ya!"

And before V could even reciprocate with a kiss of his own, you took your hands off him, waved, and went back to your house.

"Wow, I can't believe it! She said, yes!" Nico, who was standing for more than a few minutes just outside the house and witnessed everything, said. "Ya know what this means, V!"

"And what does that mean?" V, who was startled and embarrassed when he realized that Nico saw you kissing him, asked, his eyes landing dangerously on hers.

With a huge smile on her face, she went towards the poet, flailing her arms like crazy and sending most of her groceries flying in the chilly winter air just like that day when she found out that Avery commissioned him to drive the restless spirit out of her mansion. V took a few steps back but, he was not able to escape when he has come face to face with the crazed Artisan, herself.

"Dance!" Nico screeched, sending V's ears into oblivion. "Ya must learn how to dance! Just like,... "

And V, who knew exactly what she was talking about, gulped nervously and spoke, "Just like,... ?"

This made the woman's eyes glow with an unexplainable kind of energy. "Oh, ya know! ELVIS PRESLEY!"

***

❄ Three Wishes ❄

***

X

***

"So, what do ya think, man?" Nico asked V when the video ended. "Ye can handle it, right?"

"Can you do that, V?" Griffon, who was flying just above the poet's head, chimed in.

"Master, can you move like that?" Shadow, whose large paws were on top of the table where Nico's cellphone was, added.

And V, who just saw, in full, excruciating detail, how Elvis Presley moved and wooed the female audiences who went wild for him, drew back and placed a hand on his forehead. "I,... excuse me. Before I,... completely,... lose myself,... !"

"It's too much for Shakespeare!" Griffon, who helplessly watched as Shadow went after V towards the bathroom, exclaimed. "Why does he have to learn how to gyrate and grind like Elvis Presley, anyway?"

Nico hummed, drumming her chin with her fingertips. "I have caught some news that (Y/N)'s stupid ex is attending the Ball."

"Ah! The douchebag ex!" Griffon added, trying his very best to ignore the pitiful sounds of V throwing up in the bathroom.

"Yeah, him." Nico confirmed. "And I bet ya he'll do anythin' he can to shame V in front of many people after what happened in the shopping district, now that (Y/N) has agreed to be Poetry Boy's date."

"Ah! What do we do?! We can't let Shakespeare eat someone else's dust!"

"That's why I'm pushin' him to learn Elvis! I'm a hundred percent sure he'll be a hit with the ladies, and Fleminger, being a huge Elvis fanboy, will surely like him. But, now, that seems impossible." Nico cringed, her nose wrinkling at the disgusting sounds she's hearing from the bathroom. It sounded as if V was emptying his breakfast of eggs, ham, bacon, and fried rice from his stomach in multiple sessions of puke, and she’s starting to pity him. "I mean, how virgin is that man, anyway?"

"Virgin enough!" Griffon snapped to cover up the truth that V have zero experience when it came to relationships and intimacy. "Anyways, look for somethin' less sexual than Elvis! Anythin'!"

"Alright! How about,..."

About thirty minutes later, V came out from the bathroom looking more peaked and weaker than ever before, like he hasn't eaten for a whole day. Despite that, he seemed determined to finally learn the ways of the King Of Rock.

"I'm ready." His voice, despite sounding weak, was laced with utter determination. "If (Y/N) enjoys such move, then I would gladly learn Elvis Presley for her. Anything for my sweet, little - "

Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a special treat for tonight!

I'm gonna call my friend Olly up here to sing to you ladies!

Olly!

Yeah!

Let's go, man!

Okay!

"Hey, man! Ye're just in time. Come here!" Nico called from the living room as some lively kind of music begun blasting from the speakers. The woman was also able to connect her phone to the television via a strange device ( V has learned not to question her regarding things like this and just allowed her to do her stuff ), and a few moments later, he found himself staring at the two dancers in the screen, completely mesmerized of their swift and exact, yet fun and engaging, movements.

My name is Olly, nice to meet you can I tell you, baby.

Look around there's a whole lot of pretty ladies.

But not like you, you shine so bright, yeah!

I was wondering if you and me could spend a minute.

On the floor up and close getting lost in it.

I won't give up without a fight.

V's eyes widened. The couple looked like they were really enjoying the dance! The movements looked snappy and hip, and the fast routine engulfed him whole in an instant! He even felt his toes and his fingers drumming to the beat of the pleasant sound!

He was interested! And this made Nico and Griffon nod in approval. Finally! A dance that was best suited for V, the mysterious one!

I just wanna, oh baby!

I just want you to dance with me tonight!

So come on, oh baby!

I just want you to dance with me tonight!

"What is this wonderful dance?" V asked as the routine ended.

"It's called Jive, V." Nico answered. "So, what do ya say? Wanna learn it?"

"Yes, please!" V answered with glee as he faced the woman. "But, (Y/N). Does she know how to do this?"

"She does! Actually, I think I've seen her dance that with Roman during his wedding party. You know, the day you wore that little lace garter on her thigh?"

Of course! How could he forget? His fingers gliding against your smooth skin as he slipped the little garter to your foot and wore it up to your thigh. And your shy, little smile and blushing cheeks as you looked into his eyes.

That lovely woman he thought he'd never see again,...

How could he forget?

And now that you have agreed to be his date, he will do anything to make that evening special for the both of you.

He will see this night through, even if it meant he has to learn some moves that could be considered out of his comfort zone.

He will do it for his sweet, little, beloved lady. He will do it for you.

And so, for the rest of the whole afternoon, V did nothing but watch Jive tutorials on the internet to learn the dance. With Nico and his familiars' help, he was able to learn it in only three hours. At least the basic parts of the dance, that is. With a few more hours of learning and practice, V was confident that he could master it in time for the New Year's Ball. He knew he will succeed and his hard work would pay off.

"I,... never really expected that I could learn something like this." The poet confessed as they enjoyed the snacks that Nico prepared for them - some Chinese walnut cookies paired with black Chinese tea ( she said it's for V's vitality, or something ). "It's true what they say: when there's a will, there's a way."

"Exactly!" Nico answered as she relaxed on the sofa, her legs crossed, and her fingers idly playing with the remote as she held the teacup with her other hand. "And with a few more practices, I'm sure ye'll snag the title of King! And (Y/N) will be the Queen!"

"I never wanted to earn that title." V confessed, taking a sip of the oriental style beverage.

"Why not?" Nico, whose eyebrows furrowed at what V just said, asked.

"Her happiness is enough for me. And her smile," V said, his own smile never leaving his gentle features. " ... is more than enough. Her happiness,... means everything to me."

To this, Nico smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Of course. And I'm sure if it's you, she will smile. She will be happy."

"Are you certain?"

"Yeah. Wanna bet on it?"

V chuckled. "There's,... no need for that."

"Well, that's - "

Nico was interrupted when a portal suddenly appeared right before them. It was like - !

"HOLY SHEEP! WHAT'S THAT?!" Nico yelled, frightening both Griffon and Shadow, who were minding their own business in one corner of the room.

V, on the other hand, was not surprised. With a knowing smile, he stood and made his way towards the portal, waiting for,... something,... to come out of it.

And when someone finally did come out, Nico, Griffon, and Shadow could not help but be frightened.

"Just in time," V greeted the man who came out of the portal with a slight tilt of his head and a smirk. " ... as always."

"I'm,.... never late." The man with white, spiky hair and cold eyes answered.

"Y - y - you're," Nico stuttered as she pointed at the visitor. She was still scrambling on the floor with V's poor familiars. " ... Dante's twin brother!"

The eyebrows of Dante's twin brother shot up to his hairline at the way Nico addressed him. He sheathed his sword and decided to just let this blunder of hers slip through.

"Vergil." V greeted as he offered his hand.

"You still go by that one letter name of yours?" Vergil, whose presence alone was too much compared to the powers of V and his familiars combined, asked as he shook V's hand.

"Yes, and I prefer it to remain that way." V answered as he went back to his chair and gestured for his brother to sit opposite him. "You being here, I assume you've brought it."

"I'm not Dante." Vergil snapped, his eyes landing on Nico and making her even more terrified. "I always fulfill my duties."

"W - w - what's he sayin', V?" Griffon whispered as he grasped his master's shoulders in fear of the man.

"Master, he might hurt you!" Shadow added as she huddled close to V in fright.

And Vergil heard this. "What hospitality you bestow upon your guests!"

"Forgive them. They are simply," V apologized, and with one swift move of his hand, the two familiars went back to him in an instant. " ... awed,... by your presence."

"Intimidated,... is what you wanted to say." Vergil retorted.

"You know me too well."

“That is a vast understatement."

There was a momentary silence between the men, and a few seconds later, Vergil finally showed V the thing he was holding onto. It was an old and extremely heavy - looking ornate box that seemed to contain something very important. The half Devil placed it on top of the table and effortlessly slid it towards V. The poet carefully opened it under the eyes of the curious Nico, who stood behind him, and soon, their eyes were met not with some kind of treasure but of something that seemed much more valuable.

"Father wore that when he confessed his feelings of love to mother." Vergil explained as V took the old outfit out of the box to examine it. "And that trinket," V noticed the necklace at the bottom of the box and picked it up. " ... was his wedding gift to her."

"Wow!" Nico gasped in awe as V allowed her to touch the golden necklace with the most beautiful sapphire gem on it. "This looks really expensive."

"It is not only expensive. It is more valuable than you think." Vergil answered as he leaned against the table with one elbow and propped his temple against his fist. "You could even say it is more valuable than any mortal's life."

"I did not ask for this." V spoke with utmost sincerity. He only asked for Vergil's help with the vintage outfit. He never expected his brother to do more than just that. He was practically giving away their mother's most prized possession!

"And I did not ask for anyone’s permission or opinion to bring that." Vergil answered truthfully. "You are going to that Ball with the person you loved. If you have no intention, whatsoever, of letting her go, then you better do everything you can in your power to make her yours. Do as father did, and make him proud." And with a slight glance at the plate of Chinese walnut cookies on the table next to him, he added, "And that girl (Y/N) deserved that trinket more than Dante. He will only sell it to pay his mountain of debt, if I may say so."

"How could I ever repay you for this?" V asked as he put the trinket and the outfit back to the ornate box. "I,... don't earn much. At least, not enough to pay for something like this."

"You don't have to." Vergil answered as he stood and made his way to the center of the living room where he first materialized. "I've made myself clear. Make that girl yours and carry on a proper Sparda bloodline. If anyone should do it, then it's you. I can't trust Dante with it, after all."

"What about you, Vergil?" Nico, whose fear of the tall man in blue finally dissipated, asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. "Aren't you going to the Ball? You received an invite, right?"

"How did you know about that?" Vergil unsheathed his sword and pointed it at the ground, his eyes narrowed at the woman.

"Dante is a chatterbox, ya know what I'm sayin'?"

Vergil's eyes narrowed even more. "What else did he tell you?"

"Yer date dumped ya."

"Well," Vergil turned away from them, raised his sword high up in the air that it almost reached the ceiling, and made a portal that was similar to the one he made earlier to get to V's house. " ... if he really is that interested in that Ball, then I should go directly to him right now and shove those invites down his throat. Maybe then, he would learn that it is foolish to dive his nose on other people's businesses."

"I'm grateful for your help, Vergil." V simply said. "I truly am."

"It was nothing." Vergil answered but, before he could step into the portal, he turned around once more and strode towards the table, making it there in only a few steps due to his long legs. "Can I, ah, have one of those?"

It took V a few seconds to realize that Vergil was actually asking for some cookies, and when he nodded, the intimidating Devil Hunter, who lived a far more decent life than his own twin by slaying Demons and earning more money than him, gingerly took one treat, a noticeable blush creeping up his pale face, and turned around unceremoniously.

And without another word, he stepped towards the portal he made and finally left. But, not before V and Nico hearing the audible crunch of the cookie that Vergil just ate away from their prying eyes first.

***

❄ @la-vita , @dreaming-gamer , @clevermentalitybeliever , @birdgirl69 , and @v-vic . ❄

***

"Ya sure ye wanna watch that Elvis vid?" Nico asked as she stepped out of V's house into the cold weather outside. "I thought ya don't want it."

"I'm pretty sure." V said with a grin. "One song there actually,... lured me in."

"Ah, that song!" Nico thoughtfully said. "Yeah, that was nice. Well, be seein' ya! And don't forget to call if ya need help!"

"I sure will."

"Bye!"

Not a moment has passed after V closed the door to his house when Nico noticed your former lover coming out of your house, looking down and rejected.

And he noticed her, as well.

"What are you looking at?!" Christopher growled at her, making her draw back cautiously. He seemed really mad, and with the bouquet and the box of chocolates in his hands, it only meant one thing: that he tried to win (Y/N) once more but she rejected him. And this made Nico smile from ear to ear.

"Whoa, I'm not even starin' at ya, no!" Nico's sarcastic answer only infuriated Christopher even more.

"You, STUPID BITCH - !"

"AH, AH, AH! Don't try it." Nico warned with a smile, then, she pointed at V's house behind her with her thumb. "Remember that Red Grave Muckspout? The fat bird that tried to kill ya? It lives there now! Ya don't want it to hear ya, or else,..."

"Or else, what?"

Nico placed her hand on her hip and playfully waved at Christopher with the other. "Or else it's bye bye eyeballs for ya!" And with it, she trotted away, humming her favorite song on the way to her ugly white van with a neon sign in it that says, Devil May Cry.

Nico's actions made Christopher look at the house, and there, on that window, he saw the man called V examining a set of vintage clothing that looked far more exquisite than his.

Wait, vintage clothing? 

"Hey, V!" Christopher heard a shrill male voice coming from the house. V was not alone. "Ya think (Y/N) would like that necklace?"

"One could only hope." V answered as he took out an extremely expensive - looking jewelry from an ornate box on the table where the vintage clothing also came from. "But, for now, I want to practice more,… dances,… for the Ball."

"Don't overwork yerself, Shakespeare!"

"So! You're the one who took my (Y/N) away from me!" His teeth gritting in suppressed anger, Christopher threw the bouquet and the box of chocolates away and took out his cellphone from his pocket. Dialing a particular number, he waited until someone answered his call. And with fury - filled eyes for the man who was the cause of his embarrassment in front of you and your grandmother, he spoke, "I have a job for you,..."

You will pay for this, you, bastard!

***

❄❄❄

***

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.01: Stranger in a Strange Land

The Road So Far: Well, this montage pales in comparison to the one at the beginning of 13.23. Conspicuously absent: Sam being killed by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer. Also, it's set to an AC/DC song, and I dislike AC/DC, so let's just skip this, shall we?

(But Caranfindel! We thought you LOVED all that crappy old 80s music!)

You kids behave or I'll turn this car around.

Anyway. We open with Sam, driving the Impala alone through the night. He feels the same way I do about AC/DC, and turns off the radio (Sidebar: Have I mentioned before that I love when the soundtrack becomes part of the actual scene? Because I do.) Let's just take a good look at Sam here, looking magnificently angry and beardy. Because of course he's been too busy/depressed/other reasons to shave. And honestly, I'm not normally into beards. I love some heavy scruff, but a heavy beard doesn't generally do things for me. But this is just, rawr. I don't want him to keep it. Mama needs to see those dimples. But for right now? Let's enjoy it.

Mmmmm yes.

We cut to a (presumably) Muslim man being awakened by a call to prayers. He puts out his rug, begins to pray, and is suddenly shocked to see The Flying Squirrel sitting in his living room. Still wearing the hat, unfortunately. Michael informs Jamil that he's read about him, and quotes what is presumably the Koran (and Jensen speaking what is presumably Arabic isn't quite as hot as Jared speaking French, but is still very, very enjoyable). I wasn't aware that Gabriel and Michael were mentioned in the Koran. (Is this not actually the Koran? I'm going to feel like an idiot if it's not.)

Yes, you are the better one, but only because of your pretty, pretty vessel.

Michael is there to ask Jamil the question he's been asking a variety of people ("holy men, leaders, killers") for weeks. "What do you want?" (Sidebar: speaking of holy men, I still wonder where Michael and Lucifer found all the ingredients for the spell to open the rift in AU Land. How did Lucifer recognize that the blood came from a Most Holy Man and wasn't just average blood?)

Jamil says he wants peace and love, and Michael snidely points out that if he'd really wanted peace, he wouldn't have left Syria and abandoned his friends to die, and that's cold, man. That's really cold. He also tells him that if he cared about love, he wouldn't have gone into that broom closet with Darlene and his wife wouldn't have left him, and I'm with you on that one, Michael. Avoid going into broom closets with chicks named Darlene. Michael then throws Jamil about the room and tells him he's lost, and not worth saving. And for his part, Michael wants what he's always wanted: a better world. Oooh, like ours, maybe? Duh duh duuuuuhhhh!

New title card! I don't really like it. The blue flames are cool but the wings are too cartoony.

Bunker. The place is bustling with activity. A poor Sam substitute with long hair and a plaid shirt is laying out different types of bullets for Mary. Maggie is tending to someone who was injured by a rawhead. Someone shows up with food. Sam comes downstairs, apparently having just returned from Atlanta, and gets a hug. Aw. I guess the silver lining to Dean being gone is that Sam gets to be Number One Son for once.

His lead in Atlanta didn't pan out, but Mary reminds him that Ketch is working on a lead in London (and just like at the end of s13, there is no evdience at all that Mary remembers or cares what Ketch did to her in s12, so... okay then) and Cas is doing something in Detroit (Sidebar: How does Sam feel about Detroit? Can he hear Castiel's in Detroit without hearing Lucifer tell him I think it's gonna happen in Detroit?) and then she thoughtfully expositions for us that it's been three weeks since Dean... and she trails off without saying whatever she was going to say. I know it's awkward to say since he agreed to be an archangel vessel in an attempt to save your life but you could just say since Dean's been gone.

She assures Sam that "something will break; it has to" (and I'm thinking yes, and it will be Sam) and he says "yeah, you keep saying that." Oh, Sam. You used to be the one assuring Dean that you'd be able to fix/find/kill/save whatever, and now you're on the other side of that conversation.

He yawns, and she tries to get him to get some rest. Poor Sam never had a mother and now he's being mothered within an inch of his life. Then Not!Sam calls him Chief \o/ and gives him some soup and some bad news about vampires on I-90. Sam gives some instructions, because he's Leader Sam now, and then he asks Maggie if she can hack into the traffic cams and she says "Um. No."

I don't know if this is just supposed to be amusing, or if it's a sign that Sam is cracking under the pressure and has forgotten that this is Maggie, not Charlie. Or if it's just a demonstration of how useless Maggie is, although she's performing first aid so it's not like all she can do is sneak out to meet the cute guy at the Gas N Sip.

Sam hands his food off to Mary, because you can't hack and eat at the same time, everyone knows that, and sits down at the laptop, pointedly ignoring some mothering from Mary. "I'm good, I am," he says.

YES YOU ARE, MY PRECIOUS LITTLE LUMBERJACK, YOU ARE SO, SO GOOD.

He asks Mary about Jack, which is our segue to Jack sparring with AU Bobby. Jack's learning how much life sucks with no angelic powers. While Sam has ignored his grooming routine, Jack has changed his hair. It's shorter, without so much swoop in the front. It's okay.

Cut to a barbeque joint in what must be Detroit. We see a pair of shoes and too-long pants walking in, and then a guy wearing a pair of Agent Smith sunglasses says "Castiel, darling" and greets Cas, who is sitting at a conspicuous table right in the middle of the dining room. The fireplace behind him looks very much like the one we saw in President Lucifer's hotel room. Coincidence? (Spoiler alert: No, I don't think it's a coincidence that there’s a Fireplace from Hell in this restaurant.)

Cas is surprised Agent Smith chose this place to meet, and Agent Smith is surprised that Cas wanted to meet at all, considering that he's (dramatically removes the sunglasses) a demon. (gasp!) Cas asks if any demons know where Dean is, and Agent Smith says he's surprised that Cas lost him, considering that they're "joined at the... you know, everything." Oh, wait. Is Andrew Dabb a Destiel shipper? Because it's getting awfully shippy in here. I feel like I should complain about him pandering to the baser desires of a certain contingency of fans, but on the other hand, he's give me Bearded Angsty Sam, so let's just agree not to discuss our various base desires, shall we?

Carrying on. Agent Smith asks the eternal question, not "what do you want" but "what's in it for me," and Cas threatens to kill him if he doesn't spill. Oddly enough, even though Cas could tell if someone was evil or if they were lying in s13, he didn't realize that everyone else in this restaurant is a demon. Your powers are oddly specific, Cas. There's a fight, in which angels and demons use fists, because that's just what you do now, and Cas is predictably beaten to a pulp. (Also of note: one of the beer signs in the restaurant is for Fast Jack's Ale.)

Cut to a church. Sister Jo? We're back to that, then? Okay. Anael walks out, counting a wad of money, and meets Michael in a dark alley. He calls her Jo because... because that's how he was introduced to her? No. Because that's her angel name? No. There is no reason for any angel to call her Jo. What the fuck ever. She recognizes that he's not Dean, and then I don't know if he reveals his wings, or if she just sees him in Angel!Vision (Angel Radio is so old fashioned), but we get a special effect and she realizes who he is.

Do I like this or is it cheesy? 🤔

She even knows he’s not from our world. But I guess the AU angels recognized that Lucifer wasn’t from their world. Just not so quickly.

Oh God.

People keep calling me that.

Hee! (Although I don't think angels would use "God" like that but whatever.) She asks why Dean would have let Michael possess him, and Michael answers "love," and YES. I am here for Michael recognizing that Dean loves Sam (and maybe Jack but we know this was about Sam) and would have only done this to save him. Michael asks her his question, what do you want, and she spouts some designer labels. (Sidebar: What is the deal with her, anyway? Why does she need money?) He doesn't believe she's telling the truth, and I hope he’s right, because Show has given me no reason to think an angel would be interested in material things, even if they're covered with big tacky double-C logos.

Michael says he knows all about her, because "the other angel" knew all about her. Lucifer? Is he talking about Lucifer? (And one of the things Lucifer knew was that her name was not Jo, but whatever!) He knows that what she really wants is love, a home, a family. "It's very, very human of you." Hmmm. Interesting that Anael kind of liked that "almost human" feeling she got when Lucifer was sucking down her grace. Michael knows there are very few angels left, and thought he might be able to help, but if they're all as lost and fallen as she is, maybe they're not worth saving. Careful, Anael. The last person who heard this speech was Jamil, and it did not end well for him.

Bunker. Jack is sitting on his bed when Sam comes in. He's heard from Bobby that Jack had a terrible no good awful day (although I thought Jack was actually okay at the end of his scene with Bobby?), and he's so kind and encouraging about how hard it must be for him to be without his powers. "I have faith in you, Jack," he says. "And I believe in you." Which is basically the same thing but daaaaaawwwww! Mary interrupts to say "Sam, um, he's awake." Sam sighs and looks distressed and I know what you were all thinking. Who is awake and why does this distress Sam so much? He tells Jack "We'll talk later, all right?" but Jack stays in Quiet Angst mode and doesn't respond as Sam sadly creeps out of his room.

In the hall, Sam and Mary are talking about him.

Did he say anything?

I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him.

Sam is clearly fucked the hell UP over him, and Mary peels off as Sam hesitantly opens the door. The room is dark, and a figure in a white shirt is sitting on the bed. Sam sighs nervously again and turns on the light and walks into the room. The man on the bed is facing away from us, but we can see his bed is in the middle of a devil's trap. Sam comes closer, radiating fear the way he did when he was locked in the jail cell with Jack in 13.01, and the figure turns around.

Hey, Sam.

Hey. Nick.

OH GOD, GUYS, NICK IS ALIVE.

We get a flashback of Lucifer convincing Nick to be his vessel, but we don't get Lucifer promising revenge against the people who murdered his wife and baby. I think anyone who hasn't been watching long would have benefited from knowing why Nick said yes. But maybe we'll get back to that later.

Sam and Nick discuss his nightmares, and I can't help wondering how much he remembers, if he knows what his body did to Sam, if he knows how many of Sam's nightmares feature his face. Sam cleans his angel blade wound, and they speculate on why the archangel blade didn't kill him. I assume they're setting us up to accept that the archangel blade will kill Michael and not Dean. Oh, those crazy archangel blades and their bizarre rules.

(Sidebar: Why is Sam the one taking care of Nick? Because no one else will do it? Because Sam won't make anyone else do it? Discuss.)

(I'm not crying, you're crying.)

Nick is a little whiny and "poor me, I almost ended the world." Okay, that's not fair, I can see why he'd be upset. But do not whine to Sam Winchester about it. Sam is so tentative and kind. When Nick says it must be weird to look at him, Sam surprises me by saying "yeah," instead of brushing off his own trauma. He asks Nick if he remembers anything, and Nick says it's still "bits and pieces" and nothing about Dean. He does remember Michael saying he "wanted to do it right this time." Duh duh duuuuhhhhhh!

We see Sam in the hall, shutting the door with a long shaky sigh and rubbing at his face, and STOP IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS I AM ONLY HUMAN.

This is the sound of my heart breaking.

I have so many feelings about this scene. First, so much love for Jared, because he shows Sam's terror of this guy SO WELL. And, like 13.01, that conflict between his fear and his need to be nice to this person, to care for him.

And I have conflicted feelings about Nick being alive and well. First, it's bizarre, because (1) why would the archangel blade not kill the vessel along with the angel, because that was definitely human blood, and (b) why is he sane? Why would Lucifer have taken better care of his vessel than Raphael did? (And does it mean Gabriel's vessel is alive over in AU Land?)

And does it mean Lucifer is coming back? Because I DO NOT WANT. Although I have one tiny speck of hopeful joy, because if this isn't really Nick, if this is, in fact, Lucifer? Or if Lucifer's grace will grow inside him (because we know a bit of grace remains inside the vessel) and he becomes Lucifer? That means Sam could still kill him. (Oh, please, baby Jesus.)

But I also have a lot of anger. Because this should have been a shocking reveal, and it wasn't, because the SHOW ITSELF SPOILED IT. I don't know if this happened to everybody, but in my time zone, we had a commercial for the movie "Halloween" that was apparently a tie-in with the show, and it showed Sam asking Nick if he remembered Michael. AND THEY SHOWED IT BEFORE THE REVEAL. WHAT THE FUCK, SHOW??? I assume it was a mistake, and judging from my Tumblr feed, it didn't happen in every time zone. So to those of you who actually got to be surprised, congratulations. I'm sure it was awesome.

Carrying on.

Sam's phone rings. It's Cas's phone, but it's not Cas talking. It's Agent Smith. The next shot is Sam loading up his weapons bag, confidently agreeing with Mary that yes, it is a trap, but of course he's going anyway. He's bringing Mary and Bobby, which makes sense, and Maggie, which doesn't. I guess all the good hunters are off looking for vampires on I-90. Jack wants to come too, which Bobby finds ridiculous, but Sam explains that Jack needs this. OH SAM.

Back at the restaurant, Agent Smith gets a coffee refill and asks Cas if he's sure he doesn't want anything hot and black. Which reminds me... what happened to Michael's previous vessel? Shouldn't he be around somewhere? Agent Smith says he's trying to be a good host, "like mother would have wanted," which makes me think we're going to find out something interesting about his mother and/or a female boss, perhaps an awesome Queen of Hell. (Spoiler alert: false alarm.)

He expositions that he needs something from Sam, because someone recently asked him what he wanted (Michael! It was Michael!) and he didn't know. So he thought about it, and he realized he wants everything. Hmmm. Would Michael have accepted that as an answer? Apparently so, because Agent Smith still walks the earth.

Impala. Sam's driving, with Mary riding shotgun, and I guess everyone else is in Bobby's truck. Mary tells Sam again that everything is going to be fine, and he shocks me by saying "Stop saying that, please." He's tired of her relentless everything will be okay and says "Dean's gone, and we have no idea where he is, or if he's even still alive, you know? Michael could have burned him out, or worse..."

Mary says she knows that, but she has to think about the good, "because if I don't, I will drown in the bad," which reminds me of Sam once saying there was so much evil that he thought he could drown in it. And I like this scene a lot. I like Sam breaking, telling Mary what he thinks instead of burying his feelings. I like the fact that Sam knows so much better than Mary ever could what can happen when you're in an archangels hands. I like that Sam knows how Raphael's vessel ended up, alive but gone. I like that Sam's voice gets shaky when he talks about what could be happening to Dean. I like this all, very much.

In the other car, Bobby tells Jack that they've got his back. Jack looks sadly out the window. I don't know why. I don't understand what's going on here. Is he concerned that he's so useless, someone has to have his back? Is he having second thoughts about coming along? Is he regretting his haircut? I just don't know.

The gang arrives at the restaurant and Sam gives Mary the demon-killing knife. "They'll search me," he says, because he's so damn smart. Then he tells the others "you know what to do," which suggests some kind of plan, and heads for the restaurant. Once inside, he is patted down as predicted, and Agent Smith fangirls all over him. "You are a damn legend, Sam. An icon! The shoulders, the hair! You are my Beyonce!" Same, Agent Smith. Same.

Sam ignores him to ask Cas if he's okay. Cas says he's more embarrassed than hurt, and, well, he should be, because this is pretty embarrassing. Agent Smith introduces himself as Kipling, Kip for short, but I'm sorry, it's too late for that. He's stuck with Agent Smith as far as I'm concerned. Sam refuses to shake his hand. Don't feel bad, Agent Smith, he refused to shake Mick Davies' hand too.

Smith points out that Sam didn't come alone, as he was supposed to, and his minions drag Jack and Maggie into the room. "Found them outside," a minion says; "they didn't even put up a fight." I assume this is part of the plan, that Jack and Maggie are a diversion or something. Agent Smith says he needs more from Sam now. He wants to make a deal.

Turns out Hell is in "a bit of a pickle." Crowley is dead and Asmodeus is "Kentucky-fried" (see, it's funny, because he looked like Colonel Sanders) and Sam interrupts him to say "I don't care" but Agent Smith thinks he does. Or he will. He wants to be the new King, and he wants Sam to work with him. "You see, I want the Crowley deal. I give you information, a spot of help every now and again, and in turn, you choose to turn a blind eye to the crossroads deals, the demon-on-demon violence, etc." Well, good for you, Crowley. Your mother thought the Winchesters were your weak spot, but Agent Smith here realizes it was a mutually beneficial relationship. Sam tells him they didn't actually have that deal with Crowley, and also that he's no Crowley, and aw. I miss the little limey bastard.

Agent Smith doesn't appreciate this, and growls that in his day he rode with Genghis Khan. He pokes Sam's chest and says "If I had my way I would eat your heart," and I feel you, Agent Smith. If I had my way, I'd also be removing that unfortunate orange jacket and that shirt and nibbling at whatever I found underneath. It's a sad day for both of us.

Agent Smith tells Sam that he's not afraid of him, but his minions are, and he should take the deal before he "stops trying to be Crowley," which I guess means stops not killing Sam's friends. So, is Agent Smith going to be the new Big Bad? The new King of Hell? I mean, he's not the most boring demon we've ever seen, but he's not really grabbing me, either. On the other hand, a King who's more of a Sam fan than a Dean fan could be fun. (Though, let us never forget that no matter how much Crowley craved a bromance with Dean, he was still Not Moose in Crowley's phone.)

Sam acts like he's considering the offer and then calmly says "no," and then Mary and Bobby burst in and there's a weirdly long, weirdly slow-motion fight. Really, it goes on way too long. There's no reason for an extended slow-motion fight when there's no suspense about who's going to come out of it alive. The only person who might conceivably die here is Maggie, and even she survives. Jack defends a fallen Bobby, Mary tells Maggie how to use a knife (seriously?), Sam gets some nice hair-in-the-face action, but really, we could have skipped 90% of this melee. And I'm still confused about why sometimes demons can pin people against walls, and sometimes they can't. Or just choose not to.

Eventually Sam kills Agent Smith and then shouts enough! and oh, you know I like that, don't you. Everyone stops fighting, because Sam Fucking Winchester said so. "There will be no new King of Hell," he announces. "Not today, not ever. Anybody wants the job, he can come through me. Understood? So, what's it gonna be?" Apparently it is understood, because the demons immediately smoke out. The humans (and Cas) look at Sam, shocked, and he pants (hubba hubba) and says "that's what I thought."

Well. What do we think about this? I mean, on the one hand, it's awesome. It's Sam Fucking Winchester taking charge. On the other hand, the only possible way it makes sense is if the demons have a reason to fear him. And that would have to be because they see him as Boy!King Sam, not as Sam Winchester the hunter, right? There's no reason for them to fear him that much as a human hunter. But there's no way he's getting his powers back, so why is Show teasing us like this?

Carrying on. Sam is back in the bunker, wearing a dark shirt with rolled up sleeves showing his big veiny arms (YAAASSSSS), holding a beer bottle against his head. He's on the phone, telling someone to keep looking. Cas comes in and Sam tells him the call was from Ketch, who's in London looking for the pulse generator they used to remove Lucifer from President Rooney. Hmmm, I'd forgotten about that thing. So, is Ketch searching in the BMoL headquarters? Is he welcome there? Or are they dead/disbanded because of what happened over here? So many questions. No answers.

Mmmmmm... ❤️

Cas asks if he's okay, and since he's on an honesty streak, Sam admits he's been better. But also that he's been worse. Oh, Sam. Cas apologizes for going to the demons, and Sam says he'd have done it himself if he'd thought of it. "If it meant finding Dean, I'd work with... I'd do anything."

Have you considered watching The Weather Channel? They’ve been tracking Michael for days.

In the kitchen, Mary and Bobby drink beer and make cute googly eyes at each other. He calls her "Sunshine." They're precious.

In his room, Jack stares angrily in the mirror and tells Cas he's fine, which is obviously a lie.

All I did was get punched in the face.

To be fair, we all got punched in the face.

Hee! But Jack misses his powers, and the ability to actually do something. Cas tells him his grace should regenerate with time, which answers THAT big question. Jack complains about being useless without his grace, and this is a good opportunity for Cas to point out that no one else in the bunker has magic nephilim powers and yet they're not useless, even Maggie, so why does he think he can't do anything? But he doesn't. He just tells him he has a family, which isn't really what Jack's complaint is right now. Jack still looks unhappy, so I guess this is setting us up for some future conflict. Yay.

Sam goes into his room, empties his pockets (he still has the money clip from Tall Tales!!!), and gets a phone call from an unknown number. It's Jo. "We have a problem,” she says. I don’t know about you, but I think she’s working for Michael!

And finally, in a dank damp basement somewhere, Michael has finally found someone who answered his question correctly and knows exactly what they want. "You don't pretend to want to help people, or save the world. Your want is pure, and simple, and clean. And that's why you are worth saving. That's why we are going to work so well together. Because you? You just want to eat." Oh, because you're a vampire. Well. That's not good.

So! I know the first ep of the season needs to set up the story arcs, so it's not necessarily going to be great. It has a lot of work to do. And I think this one did okay with that. We've got some interesting irons in the fire - Angry Chief Sam and his Beard of Despair, who has (probably temporarily) stopped telling people what they want to hear, and is telling his truth instead. The Nick situation. Whatever conflict is going to brew with Jack while his grace regenerates. Michael's hunt for the perfect thoughtless killing machine. Sam as default King of Hell. There are things brewing that I don't like. Jack turning his self-loathing against Sam or Cas. The potential return of Lucifer. There are things that make no sense. An angel who wants designer bags. Michael's hat. Hopefully they will all go away. And there were things I adored, which is basically ALL THINGS SAM. Chief Sam, patient-but-angry Sam, lord-of-all-demons Sam, terrified-but-caring Sam, hair-in-his-face Sam, BEARDY SAM, ALL THE SAM, ALL THE TIME.

But I miss Dean. What do you think about Jensen as Michael? I think he's doing a pretty good job. I don't think he plays Not!Dean as well as Jared plays Not!Sam, but I do think he's doing well. It makes me wish we'd had more of Demon!Dean.

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[otherworldink]

Intro to "Woodworking"

Where do you go when you live in a tiny medieval fantasy village and need some basic sex ed? The woodshop apparently. Results may vary. Includes frank, if humorous, discussions of sexuality.

Read it below the cut, or continue reading on: Wattpad or Otherworld.Ink

Bren had never liked sharing personal information. He believed in the twin virtues of privacy and minding your own damn business, and he acted accordingly. Unfortunately, he'd come up against a problem that required advice. Expert advice.

And there was only one place in his backwater village he could get it.

The carpenter's workshop was a pleasantly open building with large windows that let in the light and broad double doors that could allow the passage of a finished table or bed frame. The scent of fresh-cut pine and the subtler scents of hardwoods permeated the air. In every corner there stood half-completed projects, from the disassembled pieces of little boxes to uncut slabs with measurements drawn in charcoal. Bren could even see a small spoked wheel, half-sanded—a spare for the wheeled chair Kole's father used.

Mercifully, the only people inside were the shop's two owners. The most conspicuous of the pair was Dorin, whose height and breadth led some to suspect he had a touch of giant blood somewhere in his ancestry. He sat hunched over a pair of carved wooden fawns, adding the last fine details with a small chisel.

Hale looked slight compared to his husband, but this was just an optical illusion. A point that was reinforced as the man casually lifted a slab of wood that must have weighed as much as Bren did. It was impressive, but not why Bren was here.

"Hi, Bren!" Hale greeted, looking up from examining the marks on the wood slab. "Did your mother change her mind on the dimensions for that shelf? I was just about to make the first cut."

"No, no. It's not about that. I just... I need some advice."

"Oh? Thinking of taking up woodworking?" Hale asked, half joking.

In his nervousness, Bren replied with a poor joke of his own.

"Different kind of 'wood' to be working with."

There was a pause as Hale processed. Then he grinned like someone had handed him a new chisel.

"I knew it! It's Kole, isn't it? That nice half-elf boy?"

Bren's ears burned, and his eyes glued themselves to the floor.

"It is!" Hale dropped the wood slab in his eagerness, shaking the ground on impact. He didn't seem to notice. "Tell me everything! What do you need to know?"

The excitement was not mutual. Bren had resolved to ask for help with the same enthusiasm one used to ask the blacksmith to pull a bad tooth. Mercifully, Dorin only looked mildly interested, sparing just a glance before continuing his carving.

"Look, I'm not here to share details. I just need to know how some things work, and I figure you two..." Bren glanced back and forth between the pair then cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Right, right." Hale nodded with exaggerated understanding. "No need to overshare. ...Unless you want to, of course."

Hale wasn't the worst gossip Bren knew—that title went to Mrs. Fields who owned the mill—but Bren still thought he took a bit too much pleasure in having his nose in everyone's business.

"I just need to know how some things work."

"Like what?" Hale tapped his chin. "Don't tell me you need to know what goes where? I should have some blank paper around here if you need me to draw diagrams. I can think of a few positions that would be good for beginners."

"No! No, I already know about that stuff." Kind of. A bit. In any case, Bren didn't think his dignity could survive diagrams. "I just need to know about... logistics. Like how you figure out who, you know... tops."

It was hard to get the words out, and he regretted it as soon as he had. It felt like such a stupid question, like it was something he should already know instinctively. People certainly had their own ideas about how these things worked, but Bren and Kole were about the same age, height, and build so it was hard to say that any of the usual "guidelines" applied.

To his surprise, Dorin answered first.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he said without looking up. "Just see what feels right when you get to that point. You can take turns trying or, hells, even flip a coin for it. There's more to sex than putting your dick in a hole. Focus on making each other feel good, and the rest will sort itself out."

That... actually sounded sensible. Reassuring, even. Maybe Bren had been making a big deal out of nothing.

"No, no, no! Hold on a minute, babe." Hale quickly covered Dorin's ears. "Listen to me, Bren: you are at a crossroads right now. This is where you set the tone for your entire relationship. You have a unique chance to secure the best position all for yourself. You have to be the bottom!"

Dorin snorted, but made no move to remove the hands from his head. Hale ignored him and continued.

"Topping is a fool's game! If you want to feel something around your dick, you can have your own hand any time. But when you want to get fucked, what are you supposed to do? Oh, you can try certain vegetables, and I've certainly carved a few things in the right shape, but then you've still got to do all the work yourself, and-"

Dorin cleared his throat, interrupting the deluge of far-too-personal information. A mercy, given that Bren was on the verge of bursting into awkward flames and disintegrating into the floor.

"Hush!" Hale scolded his husband. "I'm passing on my wisdom. And you can't hear right now!"

He returned his earnest attention to Bren. "What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, it is surprisingly hard to 'go fuck yourself'. If you ever get the opportunity to have someone else do it, do not pass it up!"

"He's only saying that because he's lazy in bed," Dorin said, apparently giving up on withholding personal information. Hale made an offended noise.

"You! You can't hear, remember!"

Bren wished he couldn't hear anything.

"Is there anything useful you can tell me, or should I just leave?"

"Always use oil," Dorin said, finally brushing Hale's hands away from his ears. "More than you think you need. It makes everything more pleasant."

"Except for oral!" Hale added.

"Yeah. Except that."

"Okay, that's... good to know," Bren said. "So, like, the oil you use on tools, or...?"

"NO!" The objection came from both of them simultaneously.

Dorin cleared his throat.

"Ah, no. Different oil."

Hale grimaced.

"Otherwise you're in for an awkward trip to the healer."

Bren could tell there was a story there. A story he absolutely never needed to hear.

"Then... what kind are you supposed to use?" And where could he get it? Ideally without anyone guessing what he intended to use it for.

"We'll send you off with something," Dorin said. "It's better than you getting desperate and using whatever's on hand."

"Trust us on that," Hale added.

On this matter, Bren would.

In short order, the two set him up with a small jar of oil and instructions on where to discretely buy more. He also found himself holding the two fawns.

"You can pay us back by delivering them," Dorin explained. "They're for Leda on the other side of town."

"They're actually for her daughter," Hale added. "Leda hopes that if the kid has some nice toy fawns, she'll stop trying to bring home the real ones she finds out in the fields."

The palm-sized fawns were impressively lifelike: one curled flat and low like it was hiding in the grass, the other half-sprawled, pushing itself up on delicate forelimbs with its ears pricked alertly. Bren wasn't sure they'd be enough to persuade a determined child to give up the real thing, but they might come close.

Dorin offered some parting words.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just take it slow, listen to each other, and have fun."

"And for fuck's sake, let him top!" Hale added, unable to help himself.

Bren mumbled something approaching a polite goodbye and hurriedly retreated with the fawns, the oil, the advice, and what remained of his dignity.

His initial plan had been to make the delivery and retreat home to bury his face in his pillow until the embarrassment receded, but fate was not so accommodating. Less than halfway across town, he spotted Kole at the blacksmith's shop, saying his goodbyes. Bren paused on reflex, and when Kole turned away from the workshop, he spotted him.

Kole smiled—partly bashful, entirely charming—and Bren's stomach flipped.

Kole had moved into town a few months back with his parents: an elven mother and a human father who had recently survived an unpleasant encounter with a wyvern. Years ago, Hale had made a wheeled chair for his elderly aunt, and since then, anyone within a week's travel who needed one would order from him.

The family had made the journey to have the chair properly fitted and had ended up staying. Something about wanting to live "somewhere quiet" and enjoying the "lovely pastoral scenery". Which all sounded like nice euphemisms for "boring", but Bren supposed boring might be what you wanted after getting mauled by a wyvern.

"They're cute," Kole said, nodding at the carved fawns in Bren's hands.

"They're not mine!" Bren said hastily. "I'm just delivering them."

"Right." Kole's gaze lowered. "What's that?"

Bren realized, with some alarm, that he was looking at the bottle of oil sticking out of his trouser pocket. He hadn't thought it would be a problem since there was nothing suggestive about it's appearance, but he hadn't prepared for anyone to ask about it!

"Nothing!" His voice came out slightly more panicked than intended.

Amusement flickered on Kole's face, as if he could tell Bren was hiding something but was nice enough not to call him out on it.

"Who are you delivering them to?" Kole asked, mercifully turning the conversation back to the wooden fawns.

This was why Kole was the actual best. He had the decency to let things lie. (Or, at least, to let Bren lie to save some face.)

"Leda. They're for her daughter."

"Oh yeah. The little 'fawn-napper'." Kole chuckled. "Do you need help delivering those?"

"No, they're not heavy or anything." It was only after he'd said this that he realized Kole was making an excuse to join him. "Uh... I mean, you could..."

"I could carry one? In case you need a free hand."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

Kole accepted one of the fawns and fell in step next to Bren.

The two of them had been intimate before, but always alone. Bren was too much a private person to allow anything else. But when Kole casually laid a hand on Bren's lower back, Bren really couldn't bring himself to object. It felt... nice. And it's not like anyone was paying special attention to them.

Did he mention it felt nice?

Given where Bren had just come from, it was impossible not to reflect on the recent conversation. He tried to keep his thoughts decent, out of respect for the carved fawn in his hands. It was far too innocent for anyone to be having those kinds of thoughts around it.

Still, though...

Maybe Hale had a point.