#if so why don’t he jus ask Dazai to hold his hand or some shit so he can die

[ryann-44]

With the way Fydors ability works what would happen if he kills himself

[waterfallofspace]

53 and 55 for d/azai and ch/uuya (the sick one 👁👁) perhaps please if you would like… <3

Thank you so much for the ask/request!! These have been so fun hahaha~~ I did get just a touch angsty/fever heavy towards the end, so hopefully that's alright, I promise it's not super serious! I also did want to include a little french, and while I did take it in school, I remember less than nothing, soooo this is all thanks to google, therefore I apologize for anything inconsistent/incorrect! [ Putain de merde = Holy shit ] [ À tes souhaits = Bless you ] [ Merde = Shit ] [ Je dois = I've got to ] 2.1k words, prompts 53 and 55, story under the cut! ~Part Two/Continuation Post Here~ 53. "Bless you?" 55. "You sound awful." (References to mild violence, high fevers, and swearing just in case anyone doesn't like any of those!)

~~~~~~~

Dazai is nothing if not observant. There is hardly a single detail in any given encounter he hasn’t seen, or predicted. Which is why he finds it almost insulting that people always insist on ‘hiding things’ from him. Especially his former partner. 

‘Chuuya still seems to believe, incorrectly and against all odds, that I won’t notice if somethings wrong. Something such as the cough he was suppressing that was shaking his frail little form. Or the pink tint around his nose. The nose he couldn’t stop touching throughout our encounter.’

This is how Dazai came to be leaning against a wall outside a pharmacy. And if it just so happens to be the pharmacy a certain hat-adorned Mafioso frequents, wouldn’t that be a strange coincidence. ‘Any minute now, don’t keep me waiting- Ah. Here we go~.’

Chuuya steps out of the store, a gloved hand pinching his rapidly trembling nose. ‘He must have been trying not to sneeze the whole time he was in the store. Aw~! That’s just adorable. It’s practically famous within the Port Mafia that our dear Chibi can’t hold back to save his little, tiny, life. Well, time to announce myself!’ Dazai smirks, pushing off the wall and stepping into Chuuya’s line of sight. 

“Chuuuuuya~! What a surprise, running into you here!”

“heH’EK- fuck!”

“Uh, bless you?”

“Damn it you idiot, you scared it away.” 

Dazai lets his mouth twitch, a smile threatening to break through at the look of annoyance on Chuuya’s face, nose practically twitching with unreleased tickles. He snapped his hand away from his face the second he saw Dazai, but they both know he’s just itching to bring it back up, pun intended. ‘Oh this will be even more fun then I’d foreseen.’

“S- scared away the sneeze..? Is even Chuuya’s nose easily startled?”

“Eh?! I- You- oh whatever. What the fuck ar- hahEHhh… hePT-!huhh… Damn it- What are you doing here, Dazai?”

It’s practically a growl, and Dazai doesn’t miss the way Chuuya’s hand twitches as he presses it firmly into a fist against his side. ‘You wanna rub so badly, don’t you? I wonder how long you’ll be able to hold out. Judging by that glaze coating your eyes, I’d say not long, but hey, I out of anyone know how stubborn you can be. Shall we test your resolve, Chuuya~?’ 

“I was just passing through this part of town, and happened to notice the sky starting to look a tad cloudy, so I figured I’d duck under a nice dry roof! Just so happens to be of a pharmacy- say, what is Chuuya doing in a pharmacy anyways?”

“Nothing.”

“Wow, you bought a bag just for nothing? Seems a bit of a waste.”

Chuuya’s eyes roll, teeth clenching as he snarls, both of them knowing that any other time, he would have aimed a punch at Dazai for that. 'And we both know why you didn't. Little preoccupied there, Chuuya?' Dazai studies him carefully, noticing the way his mouth is starting to twitch right along with his nose, the itch seemingly spreading across his whole face.

“I bought some pain medication, alright? I get hurt a lot in this job, and I was running low.” 

“Doesn’t the Port Mafia supply the good stuff? Why settle for cheap store bought?”

“I- I jus- Why do you even care! Doesn’t the ‘great Dazai’ have better things to do?”

“Awe~ You think I’m great? Chuuya~ you flatter me!” 

Chuuya opens his mouth to retort, but what falls out instead of a cough that he quickly attempts to suppress, ducking into his hand and spinning on his heel, away from Dazai. ‘It’s a futile effort, I can still clearly see your body shaking. I think you know that.’

“Oh Chuuya, are you not feeling well?”

“Sh- huHh-! Really? Of all the times to come bahhHh- back… hePT’NNSHH’oo-! hAh’IZZSHHAA-! heHh… AhHH-! ahH’YZZSHH’iuh-!”

“Bless you.”

“Shut up, bandage factory. J- just leave me alone, I have things to do.” 

Dazai notices the roughness of Chuuya’s voice as he lowers it, adding a growl in an attempt to make it seem intentional. ‘You must be feeling worse than I thought, a couple sneezes and a cough shouldn’t be enough to wreck your throat. Unless, of course, you’ve been doing it non-stop for days.’

“Well my schedule is completely clear, so I think I’ll just hang out with Chuuya for awhile! Where are we going next?”

“There is absolutely not a ‘we’. I am going back to my apartment. Alone.”

“Aw- come on, don’t be like that!”

“Ge- hehHh… get lost… hH’KZZZSHH’iuh-! Fucking… Ehh’knGSHH’aa-!” 

“Double blessings for the double sneeze! Keep up the doubles and you’ll start sounding like me.”

“A fate worse than death, truly.”

Dazai clutches his chest, an arm draping across his face in mock hurt, making sure to keep one eye trained on the shorter man. ‘He’s practically trembling. It’s chilly out, but not enough for that reaction, especially not for someone like him. It’s most likely a fever, but it could just be exhaustion. I’ll need an excuse to get in close to check.’

“You wound me!”

“I’d certainly like to. hah’gNNShh’aa-! hh’ETZZSHH’iuh-!”

“Quite a threat, if only you could back it up. Alas, I fear this illness has reduced you to the level of a mere goon. Certainly not an executive in the elite Port Mafia.” 

The words work exactly how he’d planned, a closed fist hitting Dazai squarely in the chest as the shorter man lunges at him, giving Dazai every opportunity to let his hand brush against Chuuya’s forehead. ‘He’s burning up. With the clouds gathering faster than I’d foreseen, I’d better get him off the street and fast, otherwise we’re looking at an outcome I’d rather avoid.’ A grunt breaks free from Dazai’s throat as Chuuya finishes the attack with a kick right to his gut. 

“That feel like a sick man’s blow? Didn’t think so. D- damn it… hAhhHh-!” 

Dazai pauses, leaning back against the wall to watch the show unfold. Chuuya has a gloved hand gripping his nose once more, eyes starting to gloss over as they lose focus. His hand is trembling, eyes starting to water. ‘Tsk tsk. We both know you can’t hold this back, are you really going to break your nose in an attempt to? Sorry, I just can’t have that.’ 

“Even Akutagawa can punch harder than that, Chuuya.” 

“Eh?!” 

Chuuya’s eyes snap to him, his hand wavers, and just like that, Dazai knows he’s won. The loss in focus, even for a second, is enough to give Chuuya’s nose the upper hand, its twitching visible from between the cracks in his fingers. ‘Checkmate.’ 

“ih’KNXT’chh-!”

Dazai bites back a wince at the way the stifle seems to scrape at Chuuya’s throat, a hiss escaping through his clenched teeth as his breath catches once more. ‘Bad idea, Chuuya. You know that’s just gonna make you-’ 

“eH’KnGT’chhh-! inGT’chh-! GNT’chh-! heHh… dTnxxgt’chhh-! hH’KNgT’choo-! hEH’INGSHH’AA-!”

‘And there it is.’

“You gon-”

“AAISHHH’OO-! ATSHH’AA-! hH’INGSHH’AA-! heh’ASSHH’iuh-!”

“-gonna live, Chuuya?”

“hNGGSHH’OO-! Shut- nnMMGSHHH’AA-! Shut up- hH’INMSHHH’IUH-! S- slug… heAhh-!”

A deep chest soaked cough starts pouring out between the sneezes, rattling Chuuya to his bones, and sending chills down Dazai’s back. He nearly flinches as Chuuya falls against the wall, using it to study him as the wet coughs shake through his lungs. He manages to catch his breath, tears freely flowing down his cheeks, just to have it sucked out of him again as another round of sneezing starts up.

“hEH’NNGSHH’AA-! eh’KETSCHhh’iuh-! heP’TZZSHH’aa-! Putain de merde!”

“Doing french, are we? Well then, À tes souhaits, Chibi.” 

“Whatev-”

The hoarse quality of Chuuya’s voice, barely above a whisper causes them both to pause, a wince escaping across Dazai’s features before he can mask it. Chuuya’s eyes widen, the panic in them seeming to seep into Dazai’s very soul. They stand for a minute, eyes locked, before Chuuya straightens his into a glare once more.

“You sound awful.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just saying. You should really have taken some medicine for that.”

“That.. was the plan.. before you.. interrupted me..” 

Dazai can’t help but grimace at the harsh whisper, Chuuya attempting to lower his voice to a growl to make it sound intentional, but they both know no one’s buying it. ‘I really need to get him home and get him to take some medication. If he gets caught in the rain like this, it’ll be bad.’

Making sure to catch Chuuya’s eye, Dazai lets his hand slip into his pocket, pulling a dose of medication out, the kind you won’t find at any pharmacy. He smirks at the flash of desire that Chuuya doesn’t manage to hide.

“Whoops, guess that one’s my bad. In that case, this will just have to go to waste, I suppose. Since you have your own, and I was so rudely uninvited to your apartment.” 

“You.. can’t be uninvited.. to something you.. weren’t invited to.. in the first place.. hH’RSHH’AA-! oww…” 

They both flinch at the sneeze, Dazai letting his concentration slip for just a second. However, a second is all Chuuya needs, planting a roundhouse kick on Dazai’s arm as he snatches the vial, taking a swig before sticking it in his own pocket. Dazai raises an eyebrow at this, cheshire smile painted across his face, but a hint of something much more genuine in his eyes.

“What aggression Chuuya! You should really try some anger management classes to get that rage under control.” 

“I didn’t have.. anger issues.. until I had the misfortune.. of meeting you..” 

“Oh yes~. You were just a ray of sunshine when I first met you! Definitely no thinly repressed rage bubbling just below the surface that boiled over every time anything happened.”

“Oi.. are you trying.. to get punched again.. jackass..? eH’KtSHH’iuh-! Christ.. hASHHH’AA-!”

“Save your energy, you’ll need it. And besides, I’ve taken quite enough of a beating today.” 

Chuuya doesn’t respond, ‘Electing to save your voice too, are you? Smart, given how quickly it’s fading’ but he does give Dazai a nasty look, raising his hand to scrub at his nose once more. Dazai feels a swell of concern in his chest at how unashamed his former partner has grown about his rapidly increasing symptoms. ‘The medicine should kick in within the hour… but I doubt you’ll make it home on your own before then.’ 

“huh’KKSHH’AA-! hEIYYSHHH’iuh-! nNGT’chh-! eh’INGT’chhh-! M- merde… Je d- dois… ehH’hEZZSHH’aihh-!”

A hand is casually raised as Chuuya attempts to cover, aiming for his shoulder with a hazy look that isn’t like him. ‘Damn it, I was hoping to avoid this outcome-’ Dazai manages to think, getting cut off, just as he foresaw, as Chuuya collapses into himself. A strong grasp catches the smaller man, Dazai letting out a huff at the weight suddenly in his arms. 

“Easy there, still with me?”

A weak nod is his response, the glassy nature of Chuuya’s eyes suggesting the fever has grown worse. Touching his forehead, Dazai winces again at the heat, ‘Definitely gotten worse. The game is over, I’m taking you home now.’ Without a word, he lifts Chuuya into his arms, not missing the grunt he gets in response.

“You can fight me, and risk falling on your face, or you can just let me help you.”

Chuuya growls, but lets his eyes flutter shut, ducking away from Dazai and into his shoulder as another set of exhausted sneezes tears out of him. 

“heh’nNKjschh’uhh-! ah’mmKNschh’uhh-! hehHhh-! hEH’IZZSHH’iuhh-! Guhh..”

“Bless you. Can you stand, or shall I carry you?”

Dazai easily dodges the fist aimed his way, but doesn’t miss the way Chuuya shakes at the force of his own weight. Without a word, he moves Chuuya’s arm back over his shoulders, letting the man lean against him. There’s a certain level of unease when someone’s relying on you to walk, and yet, with the two of them, this is an all-too-familiar sensation.

“Let’s get you home, partner. The medication will kick in soon.”

“Not.. your partn-”

“Save your voice, it’s physically painful for me to listen to you. I can feel my own throat starting to ache.”

A dirty look is shot his way before Chuuya’s eyes flutter shut once more, not even bothering to turn his head away, instead aiming the sneezes towards the ground in front of them. Dazai grimaces, not from the possibility of germs, instead, entirely from the concern that washes through him at the lack of shame.

“heH’DTZSHH’AA-! AIISHH’oo-! ehh’gnSHHH’iuh-!”

“Bless you.”

“Save.. your breath.. stupid Dazai..”

“Hey, at least you still have that temper! I’d be really worried if that was gone.” 

“Just.. take me home..”

Dazai lets a smile wash over his face, a warmth replacing the panic in his chest as Chuuya leans into his touch as they start the journey. ‘I’ll keep you safe, partner. Leave it to me.’

Without a word spoken between them, he knows he was heard and understood, just as he understands the response. 

‘I trust you.’

[writing-radionoises]

attraction

ship: shin soukoku / akuatsu, kunikidazai 

genre: slow burn romance

prompt: akutagawa is pining and has no idea what to do about it

notes: ada akutagawa, sequel to satisfaction 

It’s been at least a month since the announcement of Dazai and Kunikida’s wedding, a month since Ryunosuke left that dreaded anonymous love letter on Atsushi’s desk.

And yet, Atsushi has not figured out who wrote the love letter. Or maybe he did, and Akutagawa just didn’t know, or maybe Atsushi is even avoiding him…

God knows, all Akutagawa knows is that he’s locked in the bathroom on his former mentor’s wedding day while Atsushi bangs on the door.

“Ryunosuke, you are coming to the wedding, you fucking lawnmower!” He yells from outside.

Akutagawa puts his head into his hands. He’s ready, he changed up his normal top to a short sleeve white blouse without ruffles, it revealed all his scars and bruises, but it was a cute top that Atsushi picked out. Atsushi even tied his tie, fixed his hair, and everything, but here he was, insecure once again.

“He probably doesn’t even want me there…” Akutagawa responded from the bathroom.

“Then why would Dazai-san invite you?” Kyouka said from outside the bathroom, her tone much softer than Atsushi’s.

Ryunosuke had actually forgotten she was there…

Atsushi sighed, “Even if he didn’t want you at his wedding, which he does, I would want you there. Ryuu-san, pleeease!”

… The truth is, Akutagawa could never say no to Atsushi, especially when Atsushi uses his personal nickname for Akutagawa.

The sound of it alone brings color to Akutagawa’s sickly pale face.

“... Okay,” Akutagawa hesitantly agrees, fixing the little cat hair clip in his hair before unlocking the door to the bathroom and opening it.

Atsushi is in a similar outfit to his agency wear, a short sleeve white button up with the addition of a bowtie instead of a typical tie, as well as tan suspenders instead of black.

Kyouka, on the other hand, is wearing something a little more fancy than Akutagawa and Nakajima, simply because she’s the flower girl. Her dress is a tank top, knee length white dress with a dark blue lace collar, a dark blue ribbon around her waist as well. Atsushi has placed a flower crown of blue hydrangeas on her head, as well.

… She’s quite adorable.

“Are we ready to go?” Kyouka asks.

The trio leave the apartment, and make their way towards Fukuzawa’s house.

--

It’s awkward. It’s horribly awkward for Akutagawa. It’s such a small wedding, it’s really only the agency there, with the addition of some guild members, Gin, Higuchi, and a small appearance from Chuuya before he quickly leaves.

Akutagawa had never felt so much relief seeing Chuuya leave.

He ends up sitting next to his sister and Higuchi, Gin wearing a dress Akutagawa had bought her for her sixteenth birthday a few months ago, and Higuchi wearing a simple suit as they watch Kunikida and Dazai.

Fukuzawa got ordained specifically for this wedding, and probably only this wedding. So, up at the altar are Fukuzawa, Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, and Ranpo.

There wasn’t a need for a whole set of groom’s men, so the two best men were picked out and left at that.

… Akutagawa found it hard to look at anything but Atsushi. Looking at anybody else made him feel awkward and out of place.

… But Atsushi was a safe ground, the reason Akutagawa went to this event in the first place.

If it was hard to not look at Atsushi, it was even more difficult to not imagine being up at the altar with him. Declaring vows, holding hands, kissing… It made Ryunosuke giddy, feeling his face heat up.

Kyouka poked fun at him earlier about it, saying that him and Atsushi were probably going to be married next.

It’d be so nice… Akutagawa thought, But I don’t think he thinks of me in that way.

Pining is awful, so Akutagawa has discovered. It’s fucking painful.

When the reception starts, Akutagawa makes a run to the bathroom and locks himself in a stall for at least 30 minutes.

He washes his hands and hand at least ten times, as if trying to wash away the thoughts of Atsushi.

They don’t leave.

--

Akutagawa is sitting at a table at the reception awkwardly, watching Kyouka and Atsushi dance from a distance with some others when Dazai approaches, taking a seat beside Akutagawa.

“You don’t look like you’re having a lot of fun, huh?” Dazai starts.

“... I’m having a hard time with feelings, but congratulations on your marriage. Please don’t let my feelings concern you,” Ryunosuke replied, looking back over at Dazai, “It’s supposed to be a happy day for you.”

Dazai smiles a bit, shaking his head. His attire isn’t much different outside of the flowers in his hair, and a new brooch on his chest. His coat has been forsaken somewhere, probably Kunikida’s car.

“Thank you, but your feelings won’t upset me. I know they don’t have a whole ton to do with me,” answered the brunette, “Your feelings have to do with the kitty cat over there, huh?”

Ryunosuke blushed, looking away from Dazai, “Don’t tell him.”

Dazai lets out a fake gasp, putting a hand to his chest, “Ah, I would never! For this is a Romeo And Juliet tale, a beautiful romance written by Shakespear himself! And yet, I am just a supporting character for sir Romeo.”

“If it wasn’t your wedding day, I would kick your ass.”

Dazai chuckles, “You should, anyway. But anyways, I hope things go well for you, blah, blah, blah, all the other shit you’ve probably already heard. You need anything?”

Akutagawa fell silent, shrugging as he looked back at Atsushi, smiling and laughing with Junichiro.

“I think I know what you need,” Dazai responds, standing up from his seat as he holds his arms out to Akutagawa, “A good, old fashion Dazai hug!” Akutagawa smiles a bit as he stands up, taking the hug from Dazai as he rests his head on his former mentor’s shoulder.

… Dazai’s hugs aren’t nearly as nice as Atsushi’s, but it feels nice to finally get attention from Dazai after all these years.

--

Fuck it, tiger lilies, Akutagawa thought, quickly pointing to them on the menu for the cashier to place the order. He paid for the flowers, and was given a date to pick up the flowers as Akutagawa left the flower shop, pulling out his phone and beginning to dial a familiar number.

“Kunikida Doppo speaking, what can I do for you?”

“How did you tell Dazai-san you liked him?

Kunikida sighed from the other end of the phone while Akutagawa starts his walk down to the train station, “Not even a hello?”

“Hello, Kunikida, how did you tell Dazai-san you liked him?” Ryunosuke quickly rephrased.

“Well, it’s difficult to say because I truly didn’t end up telling him.”

“So he was the one who confessed?” “In a way, yes. We are talking about Osamu here, he already figured out that I loved him through his connections to just about everyone in Yokohama. So what happened was Osamu invited me to dinner, told me he knew about my feelings, and that he returned them. We started dating shortly afterwards,” Kunikida explained.

“Ah, you had it easy... “ Akutagawa replied, nervously tapping his fingers on his knee, “... I can’t seem to get my love interest to pick up on my feelings. They’re oblivious.”

“Hmm, you’re in a tough spot, then.”

“I don’t know who to go to anymore… I’ve spoken to Dazai-san, Higuchi, my sister, now you…” Akutagawa sighed, “It seems like no matter what, they can’t seem to figure it out, and I don’t want to be super blunt about it either… That’s just embarrassing.”

Kunikida fell silent, “I have an idea. To understand someone who is oblivious, you should talk to someone who was oblivious. You should talk to Poe, Ranpo’s boyfriend, they were in a similar situation. Poe might be able to give you some advice.”

Akutagawa smiles a bit as his train arrives to get back to the agency, “Thank you, Kunikida, I’ll get to it. I have to go, have a good afternoon.”

--

“Jinko, please think about this for more than five seconds. Please,” Ryunosuke says sadly, watching Atsushi pause from walking into their shared kitchen with the tiger lillies Akutagawa had just bought for him.

Atsushi turns back to him, “Think about what?”

Ryunosuke feels himself freeze up, trying to quickly come up with a response before eventually stuttering something out, “N, nevermind. Don’t think about it.”

Atsushi gives him a strange look, and then shrugs as he goes to put the flowers in the vase, and Ryunosuke goes to make some tea. His heart aches as Akutagawa pulls down a tea bag, then coughing into his hand.

“You look upset,” Atsushi comments, standing besides Akutagawa. Akutagawa hadn’t even noticed that his face was scrunched up into something of hurt. It’s understandable, but now was not a good time for that.

“... Do you have any idea how long I’ve been trying to tell you this? You just keep brushing me off, if you don’t like me, please just say it,” he replied, the words fell out of his mouth without a thought. The moment he said it, Ryunosuke felt a wave of regret wash over him as he quickly tried to distract himself, continuing to make his tea.

There’s a moment of silence. Akutagawa can’t bear to even look at Atsushi, so scared of his response, scared to burst into tears just by looking at the other.

“... Ryunosuke. I like you a lot, you are my very best friend. I don’t know what you’re trying to say, though, and I can tell it’s hurting you,” Atsushi replied, his voice is calm and full of worry, “What are you trying to say?”

“Think about it. Just… Think about it, please, Atsushi. I’ve been so obvious, practically the whole agency knows,” Akutagawa pauses to rub his eyes on his sleeve.

Atsushi reaches out and places a hand on Akutagawa’s shoulder, spinning his friend around to look at him. Akutagawa’s eyes are watering as he holds his entire cup in his hand, then setting the cup down on the counter.

“Do you just… Not get it? What else do I have to do? Jinko, this is fucking ridiculous, we’ve been doing this for months now. Are you really this dense?” Ryunosuke said, to which Atsushi fell silent, not responding.

Akutagawa didn’t know what to say, just staring intently at Atsushi with his heart pounding when Atsushi reached out for Akutagawa, cupping his face in his hands and bringing their lips towards in a swift motion.

Ryunosuke is left in shock for a moment, he had never really kissed someone before. Higuchi kissed his cheek once, though that might be the most he’s ever gotten.

… Regardless, it’s nice. Akutagawa quickly relaxes against Atsushi, moving his hand over the one Atsushi has on his face.

And when Atsushi pulls away, Akutagawa has to resist from pulling him back into the kiss. Atsushi smiles at Akutagawa, he is still holding the other’s hand as he speaks.

“Was I right?”

Ryunosuke nodded, “Yes, you were.”

“I didn’t think you actually liked me back,” replied Atsushi.

“... Please say you’re joking.”

“I wish I was.”

Akutagawa chuckles, hiding his smile behind his hand, “Jinko, you are dense.”

Atsushi smiles once again as he pulls the other into a hug, “Yup!”

… They are not going to hear the end of this from Dazai.