#if she ever got dolls as a present she definitely beheaded them

[gottagobuycheese]

A very belated Happy @orvwomenweek Day 5, featuring a tiny Asuka Ren for the prompt “fiction”! 

[ID: A digital art piece depicting Asuka Ren from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint as a child. She lays out across the floor, propping herself up on her elbows and kicking her feet in the air as she doodles various drawings on large sheets of paper. She is dressed in light blue jeans and a purple and yellow top, and has a red plaster with white butterflies stuck on her right forehead. Her dark, wavy hair is pinned back by two hair clips, and stops just above her shoulders. She grins down at her current work, a childish drawing of a grassy forest with a large, tiger-like creature eating the small stick figures. Beside it is a completed drawing of a black dragon spitting flames at a swordsperson and a wizard, who fight beneath black storm clouds. A cup of assorted colored pencils sits at her left side. /end ID]

[alice-angel12x]

💗 Knight!Deku x Fragile!Reader

Medival AU

Dolls... That is All they ever saw in me. Quirks, some are a blessing, while others it's a curse. A prime example of that is the porcelain quirk.

Let me explain, the porcelain quirk doesn't appear at the age of 5. It can appear at any point in time in life. You could be 6 and it appears, or 70, and then it appears. But whenever it does appear you will remain that way forever till you die of a normal human life span. In my case, I'll look forever 17 even though I'm 25 now. The only drawback is you as fragile as porcelain, and you can break like glass. Though it is possible to be put back together, the cracks will forever remain no matter how much powder and makeup you put on.

Most noble and rich women would think It's a dream come true, but they're wrong. Anybody that has this quirk and is between 16 to 35yr old is highly valued in the black market.

There were a lot of stories I heard, of young women being stolen away from their homes. And brought here to be sold off to some noble as pretty decoration, or a way to show off their wealth, or used for their pleasures. Who wouldn't want a beautiful girl that will never grow old and ugly?

The cages were cold and lonely despite there being many of us. No one would talk to each other in fear of not knowing who would be next. I've only ever made one friend in that place. A beautiful girl named Momo. Like me, she was taken from her humble home and ended up here. Sadly she was sold away to a king Named Endeavor as a present for his youngest son. I hope she's okay.

Now I bet you're thinking, is there a way to escape such a fate, or even a way to escape at all. There are only two ways that I'm aware of. 1 the porcelain quirk either came too early or far too late. Second, if you were to get a Nik or some sort of crack, then you're automatically deemed worthless and are tossed aside. Nobody wants a cracked doll after all.

But believe me, they have ways of preventing their 'merchandise' from being damaged. -----

Argo the slave master and his goons were moving their wagon of merchandise through the forest late at night.

Inside the wagon was cramped but clean, and soft with mats, pillows, and blankets covering the floor and walls. Yet it failed to hide the barred windows and the shackles that bound their captives. All was quiet when the Wagon suddenly jolted to a stop.

"CAREFUL YOU FOOLS! You might have damaged the merchandise!" Argo yelled at his lackeys.

He quickly opened the doors to check on them. Seeing everyone was not harmed or chipped he smiled crookedly.

"Now now my pretties. Were almost at the kingdom Valmar. Where you'll be bought by new masters, behave and don't try anything funny. Then maybe I won't let my lackeys have a taste of you," Argo said as he licked his lips.

The captives shuddered at his words and tried to back farther into the wagon. Argo laughed at their obedience and slammed the doors shut.

"I-I want to go home," one girl sobbed as she slowly started to break down.

"Hey SSH! You're going to get us in trouble," a boy scolded.

I slowly blocked them out as I thought back on my life before my quirk appeared. Before this life.

"Y/n, look what mom made for me!" My dear friend Izuku called.

We were 7 years old when he showed me his first knight armor, his mother made him. He Idolized famous knights and adventurers. His favorite hero was The Lone Hero All Might. One could almost call him obsessed.

I remember all the times where we used to play out in the forest. He would be my knight in shining armor, and I would be his Princess.

"Aaah! Help me!" I cried out dramatically.

"I am here!" Izuku said with great bravery.

As he got older he was served to visit last as he went off training in a nearby Kingdom. But he always came back once a year to visit me and his family. Every time he visited, he'd always bring me back a rose. His face would be complete as he muttered incoherent things.

We never truly lost touch, cause he would always write letters to me about his day, and what he's seen. And I write letters back to him, nightly.

Then my 17th birthday. I woke up to the sun shining on my face as usual. But something felt off, my skin doesn't feel right. I quickly ran over to the Mirror and saw my face. My skin became milky white, all my sunspots and Imperfections were gone. My skin has never been this smooth. My eyes were a little larger, it really made my e/c eyes stand out more. My lips became Cherry pink, I look like a doll.

That was when I realized my curse, the porcelain quirk awakens Within Me. But I was optimistic, my mother had the porcelain quirk at 19 years old. And she was never stolen or captured by anyone. And my father protected her with all his heart, so I put those fears aside. When I revealed my transformation to my parents, they were shocked and slightly afraid. But the Embraced me I told me I will be okay and I will be protected.

When Izuku returned for my birthday his reaction was priceless. His face became cherry red, and he always tripped over his words. Eventually, he mustered up the courage to tell me I was the most beautiful lady he ever saw. And that when he became an official knight he'll make sure I'll never have to live my life in fear. I never felt so happy in my life, as a pulled him into a passionate kiss.

It happened a few months later. My family and Izuku were relaxing in the living room when suddenly there was a knock at the door. My father thought it was the Milkman so he decided to answer the door But was greeted with a knife to the stomach. Panic rushed over me and my mother, as we saw at 3 muscly looking men entering our house. Then a fourth Man came the slave leader, Argo.

Izuku still a knight in training pulled his sword out of its sheath and got into a defensive position. He stood between the men and us.

He tried to fight them off, Izuku did put up a pretty good and long fight. Until eventually lost due to being out numbered. They pushed Izuku to the ground, tied his hands behind his back, and quickly gagged him with a piece of cloth.

"Know, ladies.. we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either hand yourselves over to us and the boy lives, or we've beheaded this boy and take you by force," Argo said as he sat on Izuku's back and putting a knight near Izuku's throat.

"NO!" I cried out as my mother held me back.

"HHMPH!!" Izuku tried to cry out through the gag to me.

"Don't Hurt Him," I begged.

"So what's it gonna be ladies the boy or you," Argo said with a twisted smile.

I began to tremble in fear as I looked at Izuku. He quickly shakes his head no, trying to tell us to not surrender ourselves to them as tears welled up in his eyes.

"We're sorry Izuku," I sobbed in defeat.

My mother and I step forward and were quickly chained up. Argo holding our leashes.

"NNNMPH! HHMMPH!" Izuku cried out as he tried to free himself from his bindings. Glaring daggers at Argo looked us over lustfully.

Very quickly we were forced into the wagon and that was the last time I ever saw our house and Izuku.

The wagon was ready to move until a voice called out from the darkness.

"HALT, EVIL SCUM!! IN THE NAME OF OUR KING GRAND TORINO, YOUR VILE ACT OF TRAFFICKING ARE OVER!!" Said a knight checked out and silver armor riding a brown horse.

Argo laughed at the lone knight.

"Oh yeah, you and what army," Argo chuckled.

Suddenly there is more light in the Darkness, it appeared to surround Wagon in all directions. From the darkness, an army of knights stepped out some on foot, others on horseback.

" surrender immediately!" Shouted another knight, this on a white horse.

"What are you fools looking at, ATTACK!" Argo shouted.

It was hard to tell what was happening outside, as everyone heard the fight happening outside. The scuffle lasted for a pretty long time, but eventually the struggling settle down. Everyone sat in silence as they waited, not knowing what's going to happen.

Suddenly the wagon door opened revealing a man in knight's armor. He had blue hair and rectangular glasses.

"Don't worry we're here to rescue you," he informed us.

Slowly but surely everyone was escorted off the wagon, one by one we were unchained. I was the last one to be unchained as I approached the knight with the keys, I heard a faint gasp.

"Y-y/n!" The knight shouted as he pulled me into a gentle yet strong hug.

I look at the knight in confusion as I watch him remove his helmet. Revealing My childhood friend Izuku. He definitely aged and grew over the last 8 years. I felt a little self-conscious, because of how short and young I looked compared to him. He was taller and looked more mature and looked so handsome.

"I finally found you, I found you y/n" has said as he pulled me into another hug.

"I-Izuku, I- I was so scared," I sobbed into his chest.

"I'm here now. And this time I'll keep you safe," Izuku whispered in my ear.

I kissed his cheek softly, as I hugged him. Izuku picked me up bridal style and placed me on his horse. He quickly pulled himself on the horse. As the other knights escorted the others to the kingdom. Izuku and I decided to return home instead.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers III (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: Sometimes I wonder like, maybe you guys don’t care about the plot and just wanna see some dorks fall in love? but I have to warn you, I’m planning on making this pretty much a slow burn, probably something I should’ve said since chapter one lmao anyway, please leave some feedback after you’re done reading! we appreciate it lots :)

Words: 1,900

Warnings: Swearing, hands going down ghoulie’s throats, descriptions of violent deaths and blood. 

Previous Chapter // Next chapter

I had spent the majority of that hour just walking in circles trying to find a solution to our current problem when Angelica came back telling us about the security Eli had put on the place. Not gonna lie, I was impressed. Suddenly, another of those horrible screams echoed to remind us that we’re not alone. And after Angelica mentioned how we could always kill whatever it was the source of the noise, Josh was very reluctant about it.

“We’re not killing anyone. This was the last place where Sam was seen. She’s the only kid I knew who loved the mall.”

“You didn’t know a lot of kids then,” I snort.

Josh stares at me in annoyance but continues his speech anyway.

“What if she’s this Witch?”

“You think she turned into a ghoulie?” Angelica scrunches up her nose.

“You said it yourself, we have no idea what’s going on. If there’s even a chance, I have to help Sam”

“Eye roll, you only like Sam ‘cause she may have touched your dick.”

I snort again, totally amused. Josh’s frown only grows deeper and I raise my hands in defeat.

“My bad. Gonna go and... I don’t know, get snacks or something.”

While I’m walking away I still manage to hear a few sentences of what Josh is saying.

“This is not about getting some handy from some rando. This is love.”

“Is he listening to himself?” I shake my head, “this guy’s crazy...”

Don’t misunderstand. I do believe in love. The thing that I don’t believe is Josh’s speech of true love and loyalty. How can I, when I know that he met Sam for only a few months before the nuke? Do I think it’s impossible to fall in love in such a short notice? Nah, I think it’s totally believable. The thing is... okay, don’t judge. But the thing is that we’re teenagers, right? I mean, hormones are wild right now, you can be crazy in love with someone and still look at Chris Hemsworth and wish he would crush your head with his thighs or... whatever it is that you dream, I definitely don’t think about that. I’m more of a Chris Evans lover.

So yeah, I’m sorry if I don’t fully think that Josh, a seventeen-year-old boy, would have zero attraction to anyone who doesn’t have Sam Dean’s face. We’re all human, for fuck’s sake. I dated a guy while still completely whipped for Alex. And Alex dated several people too. And he had a talent for that, believe me.

Listen to this: don’t fall in love at all. If you wanna feel loved, get tons of friends: mutuals on twitter, tumblr or fucking facebook for that matter. They’ll always tell you pretty things. Or hug your parents. Your siblings. Literally, do anything but fall in love. I know it sounds like this beautiful thing from heaven but love is far from being the solution. 

Crap. I’m sounding like a bitter asshole, aren’t I? I’m sorry. The apocalypse it’s taking a toll on me. Maybe I should take some time away from Glendale, go to a far land and never come back, maybe I should- HOLY FUCK THE WITCH IS HERE

I stand there, terrified of moving in a way that might warn her of my presence. I gather enough courage to walk away, little by little without turning my back to her so I can make sure she hasn’t noticed me. Unfortunately, it also means I can’t see Josh behind me, holding his skate like a shield with one hand, and a long stick with a chord at the end with the other. 

“Don’t freak,” He whispers, and I react the only way anyone would react if a voice talks to their ear when they’re alert: I scream.

The woman stands up and I quickly stand behind Josh’s body. Hey, he’s the one holding the shield! I have nothing. Luckily though, she doesn’t attack us and instead, she walks further into the store.

“Sam!” Josh calls her out.

“You don’t know if that’s Sam!” I hiss.

Josh doesn’t listen to me and keeps going, so I keep going as well. We lose her after a few seconds and turn around just to see her standing right in front of our faces.

“Fuck!” I jump so high that in a different context I’d have been embarrassed. But right now I’m just praying to any god ‘please, let me make it to next month’.

“Sam?” asks Josh, and I wanna reply with ‘Stop calling her Sam, can’t you see she’s got curly dark hair, you blind shit?!’

But someone else starts singing behind the witch and when she turns around I can see Angelica standing there and I’m both, thankful and pissed that even a twelve-year-old girl has a way to defend herself and I only got my skates. She cuts her hand and the witch immediately rushes over to attack, leaving us safe. Of course, now it was our turn to chase down the two so Angelica wouldn’t get eaten.

“Angelica!” Josh stops in front of a store and I hear him mumble, “dummy...”

I get there a moment after and I see the woman leaning over a small body. I gasp, covering my eyes and asking with a thin voice, “Is it bad? How much blood is there?”

“Dummy” I hear him say again, this time in a more flat voice.

“Hey, dummies!” And that’s definitely Angelica, and she’s definitely not where I thought she was, so I uncover my eyes and I get to see when she pulls down the metal curtain, trapping the witch inside the shop, “so, is that thing your girly-friend?” 

He steps closer, “Sam? it’s me. It’s Josh.”

I’m about to reply that there is no way in hell that’s Sam when she talks back.

“Josh,” Her voice is weak and dry, “Josh Wheeler?”

Josh softly laughs beside me, nodding at the girl, “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Josh Wheeler?” She stands up and walks towards the curtain, removing the hair from her face and smiles wildly at the boy. Yup, that’s definitely not Sam, “Present.”

“That’s not Sam! That’s not fucking Sam at all!”

Yeah I know, I called it.

The woman repeats his words and smashes the doll’s head against the curtain.

“Wait,” I raise my voice, suddenly recognizing her, “isn’t it...”

“Ms. Crumble?” Josh and I ask in unison.

Yes, she was. Holy shit. Angelica goes off about how this is an amazing discovery ‘cause Crumble is capable of saying more than two words. Then Crumble goes off on how much she hates the new world and decides to walk straight into one of the mannequins. After a while of watching Angelica make goggling eyes at our former teacher, Josh and I decide to move on.

“Look I gotta go.”

“Yeah, me too,” I say, crossing my arms, “I’m not wasting more of my time with any of you”

Angelica tries hard to convince us, but her speech does the opposite effect on me. She says that there’s a mind with functional thoughts in every ghoulie. That our parents aren’t totally gone, and I refuse to believe she’s right.

“Ghoulies aren’t good. And they certainly aren’t people, Angelica. Not anymore.”

I’m one to know, I learned that the hard way with pretty much my whole family. I went to my house after the nuke exploded and boom! My parents were suddenly trying to eat my face. I had to lock them in their room before going over to Grandma’s. And grandma had turned out to be fucking vicious as hell, even for a ghoulie. So I set her on fire along with my uncle, aunt, and her entire house. 

Anyway, I left Glendale to reunite with my sister Katie, more prepared than the last two tries. Part of me prayed for all the precautions to be unnecessary at the end, cause I was tired, and all I wanted was a goddamned break. I just wanted to see my sister. When I had to smash her head with that chair, it felt like I was the one agonizing. 

But I convinced myself it wasn’t Katie anymore. That thing was a monster and I had to get rid of it so my sister could rest. You can understand why then, hearing Angelica say those things kinda made me want to run away and never look back at any of their faces. 

“This isn’t gonna bring your parents back,” replies Josh, “I need to go and find Sam. Soon as I figure out how to get past Eli’s locked and booby-trapped doors.”

“I can get you out,” Says Ms. Crumble, “I have a key.”

She frantically searches through her stuff while talking to some dusty doll heads and I know, I know this has to be a bad dream. I’m not actually here, I probably fell asleep on the couch after eating too much. Crumble says she put the keys on a clapper and she (of course) starts clapping, dropping the doll heads on the process.

“I remember now. I ate the keys” Crumbles laments, “I needed the iron. Hold on.”

“I was wrong,” I whisper, “every time she opens her mouth I feel like I’m having a stroke”

Josh quietly chuckles beside me, and we share a look of complicity. Glad to see I’m not the only one who doesn’t have a clue of what is happening right now.

Crumble sits on the chair closest to her and in a matter of seconds opens her mouth impossibly wider than any mouth should be allowed to. Then she puts her hand inside.

“Shit, shit, shit...” I cling to Josh’s arm and hold it tight with both hands, “I’m in hell. This is the worst thing I have ever...”

“This is the best thing I have ever seen,” Angelica cuts my comment, “and I once saw a robot kill a monkey in a knife fight in Thailand.”

“I’m never sleeping again,” I can practically feel my soul leaving my body and fleeting to another continent. Crumble pulls out her hand and... it’s another fucking head. How many dolls has she beheaded?

Crumble lets us know that she can’t reach the keys and Angelica offers to help. She says no, then asks Josh to do it instead.

“Are you gonna eat my arm?” His voice is fearful, I can tell he really doesn’t wanna do it.

“I don’t know,” she says, laughing right after saying it.

“Josh?” Inquires Angelica.

I grab him by the shoulders so now he’s looking at me.

“No,” I say, “that’s crazy Josh, you can’t put your arm inside a Ghoulie’s throat!”

“Just a sec,” He looks at me with wide eyes, but takes a deep breath and shakes his head, not really answering to me, “okay.”

“Josh!” I insist, “please, we can find another way to get out, just don’t do it!”

“I have to,” Even if he doesn’t say it, I can complete the phrase with what I know for sure is going through his mind: For Sam.

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic​

[theliterateape]

I Like to Watch | Game of Thrones (All Eight Seasons in Three Weeks)

by Don Hall

On April 17, 2011, I watched the first episode of the first season of HBO’s Game of Thrones. I immediately loved it like so many others. I was so happy to see Sean Bean as another epic hero in a Lord of the Rings sort of drama. Before the second episode, a friend of mine let me know she had read the first book and that Ned Stark is beheaded shortly after.

“Fuck that!” I thought. “That’s some bait and switch bullshit.”

Despite the overwhelming pop-culture gravitas the next eight or so years held, I ignored the show from that point on. Sometime during Season Five, I decided that I’d wait until the goddamned thing was done and then I’d watch all of it in one fell swoop.

Thank you, COVID quarantine.

I’m not one of those DON’T SPOIL IT assholes unless it just opened, so I knew a number of things going in. Of course, that Ned Stark would get his head lopped off. I knew that there was something called The Red Wedding and all hell had broken loose after but didn’t know whose wedding it was or who got axed. I knew about Cersei’s walk of atonement but not the circumstances. I read some squawk about Arya finally getting laid and I knew that the finale disappointed, well, everyone. 

I also had heard that Daenerys dragon-flamed thousands in a bloodthirsty move, John Snow killed her, and that Brandon Stark was made the king at the end (all making long-time fans Twitter-furious).

I read that the show runners for the final season no longer had a book to adapt but an outline of possibilities from author George R.R. Martin and that there was a Starbucks cup present in Season 8, Episode 4.

Endings are hard. I recall really enjoying LOST during its six seasons. I loved the characters, the riddles, the labyrinth of theories about the island. I also have a sour taste in my mouth because I hated the conclusion. That failure to stick the landing tainted the entire six years of engaging and fun television.

I loved Spielberg’s AI: Artificial Intelligence but the last fifth of the film (the epilogue following the kid’s descent into the ocean staring at the statue of the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio) was both unnecessary and has made any repeated viewings uninteresting.

Stephen King is almost legendary for shitty endings to brilliant tales. The most notable is the creation of Pennywise the Serial Killing Clown. Easily on of the scariest villains ever penned only to reveal at the end that he is just a big fucking spider.

On the other hand, Six Feet Under, The Leftovers, and the most recent Watchmen all ended so well and I was so satisfied that they sit on a mental shelf of some of the best told stories I know.

Watching Season One of GoT and knowing the ending likely had me looking for clues. And the clues are there. Brandon Stark is the first significant character we see which indicates in some way that the whole thing is his story. Likewise, Daenerys shows us her impulsive anger and desire for power very early on. Throughout the series, both these aspects built a resume in my viewing that indicated the logic behind where it ended.

By Season Four, I realized that there are three things that define this sprawling storyline: a fixation on cocks (and the removal and absence of balls), broken vows and lies, and spectacular deaths. 

Lots of talk about testicles. Like almost ridiculous amount of time spent on so many characters without them. Ramsay Bolton cuts off Theon’s nuts and he became like a neutered puppy. Varys has a dude in a fucking crate he keeps as revenge for lopping his grape nuts off. Grey Worm, while often badass, still spends an awful lot of screen time either reminding us or him being reminded that he is a Ken Doll in the crotch.

Add to that the nearly non-stop cock bragging by Bronn, Tyrian (a dwarf in size but, oh, the size of his Johnson!), the mysterious primacy of Podrick’s magic man meat. Yeah, George had a fixation on dick and sack.

I could be wrong but the only character among hundreds who never told a lie or broke a promise was John Snow, right? I mean it was fucking 76 hours, so I may have missed it but it was almost a guarantee that no one in this series could be trusted ever.

By Season Six, if Martin were trying convey some sort of overarching message it was not that power corrupts but those who pursue power are corrupted by the pursuit. The only truly decent characters in the entire cast of hundreds are the ones who do not want to be in power. Ned Stark doesn’t want to be Hand of Robert Baratheon. John Snow has less than no interest to be Lord Commander, King in the North, or Occupant of the Iron Throne. Tyrian Lannister enjoys power but rarely seeks it. Arya Stark isn’t invested in acquiring power but instead skill to avenge injustice. Jorah Mormont only wants to serve a Queen he loves and is inspired by. 

Back to the spectacular deaths.

The best Death by Dragon Fire was the first, Kraznys mo Nakloz, the slave trader who sold the Unsullied to Daenerys.

Sansa Stark feeding Ramsay Bolton to his own dogs was well-deserved (he was maybe the only truly irredeemable character in eight seasons) and satisfying. I never liked Sansa but her double-tap with Arya killing Littlefinger was just exactly right.

Lyanna Mormont dying by being crushed by an undead giant just as she stabs it in the single blue eye was rad.

Oberyn Martell getting his eyes gouged and his skull crushed by The Mountain after one of the best single combat scenes in the series was awesome.

Tyrian capping his dad while Tywin is dropping a deuce wasn’t spectacular but was somehow perfectly fitting.

In my view, the best death was Arya’s assassination of Ser Meryn Trant. Gruesome, well deserved, and by the exact right means and by the right character. 

Arya Stark was, hands down, my favorite character in the entire thing. Her journey to Bravos and subsequent training and then what she did with that training was righteous. Tyrian was also a favorite and Peter Dinklage carried so much of this series it’s difficult to imagine any of it working without that specific actor playing that specific character. Third on this list was Bronn. Plain-spoken, always true to his nature, funny, and surprisingly honest in intent, Bronn felt like the audience stand-in in this world of royals, religious fanatics, and soldiers.

Also, I’ve been seeing cinematic dragons since I was a kid and these dragons were what I think real dragons would look like.

I understand the need for so many to want there to be messages of import from such a pop culture behemoth but I’m not so sure Martin was going for any of that. Aside from the idea that the act of pursuing power is the true corruption, any über-ideas were like the best characters — set up for our enjoyment only to be axed as soon as we fell in love with them.

The feminist message seemed to be that women are perfectly capable of being in charge and just as capable to be fuck ups and despots as well. The whole Bernie Sanders-ishness of Daenerys freeing all the slaves would be quite progressive except that, once freed, all her slaves tended to serve her, die for her, or kill for her. In fact, the two most prominent freed slaves — Grey Worm and Missandei — served virtually no distinguishing purpose in the storyline.

I read some pissing and moaning about the only two black characters in eight seasons either being killed off or becoming the tool of fascism and I’d be more distraught but Missandei was a cardboard cut-out of a character and Grey Worm was simply a follower. Not a lot on diversity in Westeros, you know?

But let’s look at that fucking ending.

If I were to throw out a recommendation to anyone thinking to watch the series for the first time, I’d say STOP AFTER “THE LONG NIGHT” AND GO NO FURTHER! First, the epic battle to defeat the Night King is a fucking ride and definitive. Season One, Episode One: “Winter is coming.” Season Eight, Episode Three: “Winter came and we kicked its ass.” Done. Finished. Second, after saving the world from the undead and the creepy snow god on his undead snow dragon (was that blue fire hot? Cold?) who gives a flying fuck about the Iron Goddamned Throne?

Sure you’d miss the fight between The Hound and The Mountain but after eight seasons of build up, that battle royale was pretty much just a brawl, devoid of the emotional pay off expected. You’d miss Daenerys burning the Red Keep and thousands of innocent women and children (which is some spectacular filmmaking and completely in character for her despite your need for her to rise above her obvious and oft-stated lust for power and vengeance). 

You’d also miss the two biggest missteps in the series: the deaths of both bloodthirsty Queens. Which ain’t much to miss because spending 76 hours of Cersei connive, betray, napalm hundreds in a church, fuck her brother, try to kill her other brother, lose her children, and become one of pop culture’s most indelible villains, she dies by getting rubble dropped on her. WTF? Are you kidding me? Not even a callback to the first episode and drop her out of window?

And, while I felt the transition from Mother of Dragons to Pol Pot was rushed, I bought that Daenerys let the rush of power seize her. But a character so larger than life, so imbued with destiny, dies by getting stabbed in the gut? WTF? Even her shitty brother got a molten gold crown.

In a series defined in some ways by creative and satisfying deaths, to punt the demise of two of the most interesting and central characters just blows.

The internet is filled with die-hard fans playing coulda/woulda/shoulda with the ending of Game of Thrones but that changes nothing. We are stuck with the ending we are given. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the world of Westeros. Like a book I’m thrilled to read, I feel a little wanting for more after the final page and I’m still hearing that goddamned catchy theme song in my head. I choose to pretend I never saw the final three episodes. I choose to end the series with the defeat of the Night King because once you save the world, who gives a fuck about almost anything else?