#if she doesnt set it on fire the food she makes is going to poison you

[kalpasio]

IT IS I, 🧊 ANON, VERY EXCITED

WAKE UP IT'S A NEW KALPAS FIC FROM KALPASIO‼️‼️ My week has instantly been improved

I LOVE THAT THERE ARE CHARACTERS OUTSIDE OF THE FLAMECHASERS!! How did Kiana get the job tho, miss girl will set things on fire more than Kalpas somehow😭

SPEAKING OF OUR BABYGIRL (I thank the other anons for this, this is so the thing ever) Lord have mercy on my soul, him leaning back on the counter with those muscles GOOD HEAVENS (I must remind myself everyday I'm ace but lawd is he fine as hell)

And him paying Su for us!! I was ascending to the moon at this point!! The skrunkly <3

Willian Honkai is so smart but it had me cry laughing😭😭 Imagine this powerful being that makes herrschers that destroy the world and his name is fucking WILLIAM, I will refer to it as such from now on

Also ELYSIA?? THREATNING?? SHOOTING PEOPLE????? Unexpected, but very welcome, I love it

I can't wait for the next parts but take your time as always!! Hope you are doing okay as well and tyty for this scrumdelioncious meal (pretend I wrote that right)

AAAAAAA HII 🧊ANON!!!! I swear there's like a whole work culture in my mind that in no way involves Kalpas but Mei and Kiana working together with himeko overseeing them makes me cry

if he's not angy firey man, he's babygirl. there are no other options. this is just facts

Also L I S T E N. Kalpas ass is s-tier (obviously) but I refuse to forget about his arms!!!! you cannot tell me! he doesn't have! the nicest biceps and forearms! when he lifts! entire pillars! like that! in his fight!!!!

the skrunkly 😭😭 I know he's always picking fights but the idea of him fighting for us will never stop making me happy 😭 I love you su, but kalpas wins every time

ngl William honkai was an accident 😅 I just wanted to give him a boring name like Kevin and thought of Will and was like "NO WAIT." and that was the only thought in my mind so that's his name now I guess lol

I am 10000% convinced Elysia could have been a mob boss in the previous era. like if Kevin wasn't ranked higher than her I would have put her at the head of the family. he does more fighting, and she does more manipulation (I say this affectionately) and the role just fits her SO WELL. she could definitely pull strings and never kill anyone but everyone knows she can and gives her so much respect #letElysiacommitmurder is right up there with #letkalpassayfuck

I'm enjoying my like week of vacation before work starts lol I hope you're doing well too!!! it might take me a minute, but more food will be done soon!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡

[laylaisthename]

you know im down bad when im actually posting my fics on tumblr.

-

Lincoln McQuoid/M!MC || SFW || 3900 words :pensive: ||

Fic about two guys with terrible birthday experiences that are trying to do better. Set in a theoretical time after everything's been resolved. Timeline doesnt exactly match up since we're probably like a week away in game from Linc’s birthday but uuuh just pretend ok.

tw; mentions of under (american) age drinking (idk im european and he's 18 so its fine to me) 

"Lincooooln." Horus calls lazily from the couch.

"What?"

"You know what day it is?"

Lincoln pads into the living room, his eyes narrowing at Horus. "The day the Elric brothers set their house on fire?"

Horus snorts, "Of course you would say that you weeb. Aaaand...what else is today?"

Lincoln sighs. "Who told you?"

"I'll let you take one guess at who'd be texting me about your well-being."

He buries his face in his hands and lets out another deep, soul-weary sigh.

"Abel says to tell you 'happy birthday' and to make sure that, quote 'he doesn't spend the whole day moping around his apartment alone watching daytime tv and getting drunk.' unquote. Ouch. You really spend your birthdays like that?"

There's a thoughtful frown on Lincoln's face, a look that Horus knows a little too well by now. He opens his arms invitingly, and a small smile plays on Lincoln's lips as he moves to join him on the couch, resting against his chest.

"Bad birthday memories?" Horus asks.

"Melancholic ones. I told you what happened on my seventh birthday. My mom still tried after that but it just... hasn't been the same since. And then I lost touch with Abel, and she..." his words trail off. 

Horus' voice is quiet when he responds. "I know. I'm sorry." 

Unsure of what else to say he simply wraps Lincoln in his arms. Instinctively Horus' eyes flicker to the empty spot on the wall where Silvia's portrait used to hang, a pang of guilt lancing through his heart. He must have apologized a thousand and one times already, but it still never felt like enough. Sometimes he catches Linc glancing over too, expecting it to still be there- for her to still be there. 

His thumb subconsciously moves to twist at his mother's ring. It was a feeling he knew well. 

"Okay I'm gonna be real depressing here," he starts, "but stay with me on this. Every year on my birthday my dad used to take us to this nice Egyptian restaurant. I'd get baklava and chocolate cake and some damn good chicken and then we'd go home and watch any movie of my choice, so we'd usually end up watching A New Hope again."

"And you're calling me a weeb? Nerd."

"Shut up, I'm being genuine here for once in my fucking life. Anyway. Point is. We'd get dinner, watch a movie together, I got some gifts, and it was the best day I could wish for. Then after... everything happened, Amalia and her parents took me out somewhere." He takes a moment to gather himself. Talking about the past five years was still hard at times, actually telling the truth of his hurt rather than lie and say he was fine. "I spent my eighteenth birthday crying my eyes out on the floor of a restaurant bathroom. Told Lia I got food poisoning, but I knew she didn't buy it. Next birthday was barely any better. Amalia was off to college by then, so me and my new best friend 'Fake ID' hit up every bar in town for a free drink for the birthday boy. I vaguely remember making out with some hot girl in a bathroom stall, but mostly I just remember feeling incredibly alone. And, well, nauseous."

"Is this story going anywhere or are you rambling?"

"Right. I'm trying to be profound. Well, tl;dr, birthdays sucked. At 20 I ignored my birthday and 21 I got shitfaced again, but this time legally. Then this year I happened to find myself in the area after a hunt. So I walked into that Egyptian restaurant, I got myself dinner and some baklava, found the nearest movie theater and watched, uh," he falls quiet for a moment, thinking hard, "I don't remember the movie's name, it was pretty forgettable I'll be honest. But it was the best day I'd had in longer than I'd like to admit. Whenever I closed my eyes I could almost feel my family sitting next to me. My dad's lame jokes, my mom's laughter. Annie stealing food off my plate when she thought I wasn't looking..." Horus is quiet for a moment. "Sorry, I'm making it about me again."

Lincoln turns over in his arms to face him. "It's alright. Honor their memory instead of burying it deep, right?"

"Yeah. But, if you do wanne just laze around all day and watch shitty movies I'm down for that too." he tightens his arms around him a little. 

Lincoln hums, lying his head back down on Horus' chest, and he wonders if Lincoln could hear how his heart raced. Neither of them would spend another birthday alone if he had any say in it. They lay there a little while longer in comforting quiet.

Lincoln rouses after a while, quieting Horus' whine with an achingly sweet kiss as he heaves himself off the couch. "I think I know what I want to do today."

***

Their first stop was Westchester Elementary. Lincoln hadn't told Horus what exactly they'd be up to, wanting it to be a surprise. It was a warm autumn day, the warmth of summer not quite gone yet. 

The sounds of children playing outside  accompanied by a quiet ambiance of rustling leaves and birds' song. It was strange how nice Westchester could be when horrible men and creatures weren't actively terrorizing it. 

"So, this is where baby Linc took his first steps into becoming a menace to society?" 

He rolls his eyes, but smiles regardless, "You know Russ, I don't actually know much about what you were like as a kid." 

"Me? A model student once they got me to stop cutting up my clothes." 

"That's what I thought." he holds out his hand, and by now it's second nature for Horus to grasp it as they walk along. Lincoln leads them to the side of the building, stopping before they round the corner. 

"Close your eyes for me?" 

For me.

The gentleness in Linc's voice over shadows any dirty jokes in Horus' mind. He simply smiles, "Alright." letting Lincoln lead him a little further away with his eyes closed. 

He stops Horus, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around. 

"Okay, now, open your eyes." 

So he does. And before him, Horus sees something that was-

A stunningly painted mural adorned the old plaster, a deep indigo blue of a night sky, swirling into the yellows and pinks of dawn. Against that backdrop was the silhouette of a woman, leading a chain of children of different ages toward the light of a new day under a bright shining star. More stars dotted the dark sky, painted in such a way that they almost seem to shimmer in the sunlight. Among them Horus managed to recognize a few constellations; the Scales of Libra, Aries the Ram, the Eagle Aquila, the Archer Orion-

His eyes flit to Lincoln, who in turn is watching him with searching eyes and a kind smile. 

"It's gorgeous." Horus says after another breath. It was hard to put into words, but it felt as if a hopeful wish had been put into every brushstroke. 

Having apparently found what he was looking for, Lincoln turns to the mural. "My mother painted this. She told me she started the first draft a few weeks after she found out she was pregnant. The actual mural didn't go up until I enrolled here, and I got special permission to 'help' her out during recess." 

They walk up close, where painted in white, surprisingly neat, yet childish letters;

LINCOLN & 

and then in a beautiful curling script;

Silvia McQuoid

Lincoln traces his fingers along the letters, closing his eyes, a smile painting his lips. 

"There's more murals like these all around town. She'd always say this was her way of giving back a little kindness into the world. Something to inspire people." his eyes open again, looking up at the silhouette. "A couple were painted before I was born, but I loved coming along whenever I could. She always insisted that even if I just painted a single line, that I'd put my name up next to hers."

"She sounds awesome, wish I could have met her."

"She would have loved you, I'm sure of it." 

Horus laughs, "Ha! You're just saying that because I'm your boyfriend." 

Lincoln bumps his shoulder, "I mean it, Russ. Someone so full of life like you? She'd be making wedding plans after our first date." 

Horus was not a shy or bashful man by a long shot, so the blush creeping up to his ears and the sudden stutter in his throat caught him off guard. His eyes flick over to Lincoln, who also seems to realize what he'd said with a start. He didn't want to read into it too much, his racing mind already looking for a way to change the topic, but a small voice in the back of his head tells him that if Lincoln had asked him right here, right now, that he would not mind at all. But then a suitable deflection comes to mind, blurted out a little too tense, a little too fast. 

"I already promised to take you out for dinner today, no need to butter me up."

"Maybe I'm hoping to get free dessert too." 

"I dunno, you find me a dark and quiet corner and I can get right on that if you're so impatient." 

"At an elementary school? Really?" 

"Ah, you're right. So are we going to your highschool next? Behind the bleachers maybe." 

Lincoln laughs again, "Speaking of dinner, there's a few more murals I wanted to show you. Come on." Linc turns to head back to the motorcycle. 

It was like a light bulb flickering to life over Horus' head as he realized exactly what he would get Lincoln for his birthday. He pulls out his phone, sending out a dozen texts as they walk, nearly missing the helmet Linc tosses him. 

The last message is off and confirmed by the time they reach the second mural, and hours blur by as they ride all over Westchester. Every painting is somehow more gorgeous than the last, accompanied by anecdotes from Lincoln about inspirations, color choices, meanings. It was something incredibly dear to his heart, anyone could tell. 

Horus steps up close to Lincoln, leaving a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?" 

"Sharing this with me. But," he reaches his hand into Linc's back pocket, pulling out the motor keys, "I have a surprise for you too." 

Lincoln raises a brow, but doesn't make to grab for the keys. "Where are we going exactly?" 

"Ah-ah, wouldn't be a surprise anymore if I told you. But it's close by, I promise."

***

It's a short drive over. Horus parks the motor out on the side of the road, walking ahead down an alleyway to the back. 

And as his friends had promised, strewn around a blank wall was everything needed to paint a mural of their own. 

Brushes in all sizes, a dozen different colors of paint, lights that illuminated a smooth, blank canvas waiting to be filled. Off to the side lay a cooler filled with drinks, and a bag full of takeout food. 

"But how…?"

Horus counts it off on his fingers, "Had Connor call in some favors at city hall for the permit, Lia brought the food, Joss got us drinks, Dee and Noah took care of the supplies, aaand," Horus lets out a sharp whistle, and Abel appears from around the corner carrying a cake, followed by the rest of their merry little gang. A chorus of "Happy birthday, Lincoln." rises from the group. Joss rolls her eyes. 

"I'm just here for the cake." she nods her head toward Abel. 

Linc's eyes grow wide."Is that…?" 

"My mom's recipe? Yeah, I promised, didn't I?" 

Horus pulls a lighter from his pocket, lighting the candles. 

"Happy birthday to you." Abel starts, and Horus, Amalia, Connor and Dee are quick to join in, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lincoln, happy birthday to youuu." 

The look in Lincoln's eyes is part horrified, part touched and wholly embarrassed as the song comes to an end. 

"C'mon make a wish." 

Lincoln walks up and thinks for a moment, and if Horus wasn't head over heels before, then the way that the candlelight flickered in Linc's eyes surely would have done the trick now. The moment passes as he closes his eyes, blowing out the candles in one big breath. 

"Let's see if this cake lives up to the hype." Noah walks up, knife in hand, offering it to Lincoln to cut the first piece. 

Abel looks offended, "You doubt my baking skills?" 

"Cut him some slack," Connor says, "being a ghost for a few years made him forget his manners." 

Noah just shrugs, taking back the knife to cut up pieces for the rest as Lincoln takes the first one. 

The silence is broken by an incredibly inappropriate moan from Lincoln that almost sets something off in Horus. But that would have to wait until he had him all to himself.

"Just as good as you remember?" Abel says, unable to keep a large, goofy grin off his face. 

"Better somehow." he takes another large bite. 

Horus is handed a piece next and wastes no time shoving a large piece into his mouth. "Oh shit, this is good." Agreements ring out as everyone digs in. Their impromptu party is however quite short lived.

"As much as I wish I could stay," Abel says, "I was in the middle of grading papers that I really need to finish by tomorrow."

 Amalia pipes up, "I should go too, I got a long drive ahead to get back in time for my lectures tomorrow if I want to get any sleep. Cake was totally worth it, though." 

Connor walks up to Dee and Noah, slinging his arms around their shoulders. "The three of us promised Harper we'd stop by tonight to check something out, so we should get going too." 

Jocelyn grabs another bite off the last slice of cake. "And I'm not hanging around to play third wheel to these two, so bye."

Horus waves her off. "Good night, Joss." 

"Night, Red. Keep the old man’s spine intact.”

“Old man? I’m not even 30 yet.” Lincoln replies.

“I make no promises about his ability to walk tomorrow.”

Jocelyn grins, “Nice.” and heads off.

Abel hangs back for a moment, watching the others leave. He walks over to Lincoln, whose eyes still betray his feelings of guilt. Apologies were exchanged a while ago, but Horus could tell that Lincoln still had a hard time letting go of the hurt he caused. 

"Abel, I-" but his words are cut off as Abel envelopes him in a hug. Lincoln hesitates for a moment, before hugging him back. 

Abel lets him go, a kind smile on his face. "Happy birthday, old friend." he turns to Horus, giving him a nod, and Horus nods back. 

And just like that it was only the two of them left again. Horus polishes the last crumbs off his plate, quietly thanking Abel and his mother for what was maybe the best cake he'd had, ever. 

Lincoln walks up and hugs him tightly, burying his face in Russ' neck. And now it was Horus' turn to stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he returns the gesture. 

"Thank you," the words are a quiet murmur against the crook of his shoulder. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it." 

"No, I liked spending the day with you. You doing this for me? I love it. I-" he hesitates on the word. Lincoln pulls back a bit, cupping Russ' face in his hands. "It means a lot to me. I just don't know what to paint." 

He pulls him in for a kiss, short and sweet. But being pressed up against Lincoln's back all day on the motorcycle has left Horus with a desire for something more than that. He walks Lincoln backwards until his back hits the empty plaster wall, nearly tripping over a bucket of paint in his haste. He opens his mouth, and it was delicious, both of them still tasting of whipped cream and cake. 

Lincoln flips them, so Russ' back is now to the wall and pulls back. A groan escapes him as he leans forward after Lincoln, 

"Don't move." he places another kiss along his jaw. 

"Hm?" 

"I just figured out what I want to paint."

Horus stood there, chest heaving, pupils blown wide. "You're just going to leave me like this?" 

He laughs, a bright and joyful sound, "I didn't exactly bring lube along." 

"I'll run to the corner store and make the most suspicious purchase of my fucking life, I'll even throw in some roses, don't test me."

Lincoln comes back with a bucket of paint and brush in hand. "You can do whatever you want to me back at my apartment. Just keep still." 

He opens the can, a deep blue, and gets to work tracing an outline around Horus, lingering around his hands, leaving kisses as he goes along. Up his arm, over his shoulder, a kiss under his ear. 

"You're making it very hard to stand still, you know." 

"Better keep at it. Don't want to get paint in your hair- hold out your hand a little."

Horus does as asked, moving as little as possible, as Lincoln traces the paint over his head and down his right side. 

Lincoln steps back, admiring his handiwork- or maybe admiring Horus. With the way his eyes darted around it was hard to tell. He turns, reaching for a new brush and another can of bright red paint. It doesn't escape Russ that it's the same shade as the color of his hair. Lincoln holds them out for him to take. 

Horus shakes his head "I'm not much of an artist."

"Just the rough outline, I'll take care of the details." Lincoln stands with his back against the wall, hand overlapping with the silhouette of Horus beside him. 

"Alright, fine. For the birthday boy." 

Horus then realized that he probably had not held a paintbrush in his hands in a decade, if not more. He wasn't nervous per se, but still very cautiously went to work, part of him afraid to mess it all up. He kneels down to get started by Lincoln's legs. The red paint stands in stark contrast against the gray wall, overflow dripping down, and suddenly Horus freezes. 

His hands shake, breath catching in his throat, whole body tense and ready to spring. Blood dripping down the brush, out of a creature's mouth, covering his hands his eyes seeping into his chest the ground thick in the air-

A hand clamps on his arm and distantly his name reaches his ears -"Russ!"- his father telling him to run, Annie calling after him- he tries to pull away, hand balling into a fist so tight that his knuckles ran white, nails digging into his palm, fight or flight instincts setting in and he was afraid and wanted to, no had to fight there was no one else left-

"Horus!" Lincoln's hands frame his face, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

"I'm-" the word comes out as a ragged breath. Adrenaline ebbs out, his heart still racing at a thousand miles a minute, but he was back in the here and now at least. Realizing what had just happened, Horus slaps on his trademark grin, the gesture not quite reaching his eyes. "I'll get lost in your eyes like this." 

"You're shaking." 

His hands still tremble a bit as he pries himself loose, "Low blood sugar, you know how it is. Maybe we should eat some of the take-out before it goes completely cold." he drops the brush back into the bucket, avoiding looking at it too closely. 

"Horus-"

"There's one with chicken and one with beef, which do you want?"

Lincoln wraps himself around him from behind, plucking the beef noodles from the bag. "Talk to me, Russ. You were gone for a moment there." 

Horus hops up onto a crate, opening his food up, his voice quiet, but finding its confidence as he talks. "Ugh. It doesn't usually happen, red is my favorite color, and I've seen worse whenever I need to dye my hair again- seriously makes my bathroom look like someone died there." he lets out a breath, combing his fingers through his hair, "but, I guess the paint just… took me off guard. I'll be fine after I eat something." 

Lincoln sits next to him, frowning, 

"I should have realized-" 

"Don't. Don't start pitying me or, fuckin' saying its your fault. We were just making such good progress in getting you to stop blaming everything on yourself-" 

"That's not true," Linc says matter-of-fact, "I blame plenty on Matthias." 

Horus laughs. "True. But, yeah. I don't want my little episode to ruin this. I won't let it." He nods over, gesturing for Lincoln to go stand at the wall once they're done eating. 

His hand still shakes a little as he traces the outline around him, but everything was further from Horus' mind now. Focus on the motions, focus on his warmth, his voice-

"Look at that. You're a natural." Lincoln says as he draws the final line, vaguely linking the hands of the silhouettes together. 

"Are you gonna start pulling out gold stars next, or what?" He grabs himself a soda from the cooler, and a beer for Lincoln,

"Is that something I'll need to keep in mind?" 

"Everyone likes being told they're doing a good job, no? Don't worry about the drinking by the way, I'll drive us back." 

"Sure, but if I start lamenting about Naruto, cut me off." 

"No, please tell me more about how Naruto and that black haired guy were totally in love." 

"Oh, like you're any better about your space movies." 

"I just have a lot of feelings about the Clones, okay!" 

Conversation flows and time flies as Horus watches Lincoln get to work. It was mesmerizing to see how the piece came together, stroke by stroke; two silhouettes, hand in hand with a ribbon tying their hands together. Horus' figure set in a royal blue, Lincoln framed by an explosive red, the tie that binds them red on one side, blue on the other. The message rang clear; I’m a part of you, you’re a part of me.

"Now all that's left," Lincoln cracks open a black can of paint, dipping in a smaller brush. "is signing it."

He signs his name in beautiful curling letters;

Lincoln & 

Before holding out the brush to Horus, who glady, if a bit messily, adds his name underneath;

Horus Asar

[reinerispretty]

I love your writing 🥺 Can you do a Sokka imagine where the reader is a firebender so Sokka doesnt take well to her joining the gaang at first, and they always bicker/ throw sarcastic comments at each other and the gaang is so sick of it! But one day they are forced to be alone together (they go on a mission?) and sparks fly n they kiss or something 😳 they return to camp and the gaang is like... ok why r u guys tolerating eachother and u guys r inseparable and super couply from then on!

hi!! sorry i’m just now getting to this!! i like to put lots of effort into my requests so i wanted it to be the best it could be :D hope you enjoy!!

---

(Y/N) had always been very proud of her firebending. Not everyone in the town she had grown up in were benders, so being able to bend one of the elements was a great honor. Because of her powers, she was on track to join the Fire Nation military. These plans changed of course, as soon as she met the Avatar and his friends. She had helped them escape capture and joined them on their adventures. They were all pretty hesitant about her joining, but eventually Toph vouched for her by saying that she wasn’t lying when she told them all she had ever wanted was to help people. 

(Y/N) had been traveling with their group for a few weeks and was slowly starting to build friendships with the other members of her group. Aang absolutely refused to learn firebending from her, but watched and laughed as she made little dragon puppets out of fire after dinner. She and Toph became fast friends, as they both had a similar wit and nonchalance about life. Katara took a bit to fully warm up to her, but (Y/N) was relentless and eventually they could exchange pleasant conversation as they cooked dinner. Even Appa licked her when she brought him hay, and Momo had started sharing his berries with her. The only person who didn’t like her at all was Sokka. 

“I don’t want a firebender joining us,” He had said pointedly when she first joined the group. He had been outvoted, of course, and now whenever (Y/N) did anything, he had something to say in return. If she arranged the sleeping bags, he complained about their positioning. If she made dinner that night, he complained about the taste. It seemed like he went out of his way to make her feel bad. 

Initially (Y/N) had tried to understand. The Fire Nation had hurt his people, so it was only natural that he was apprehensive toward her. But then his words started to hurt. One day, he had mentioned that she had betrayed her own people, so it would only be a matter of time until she betrayed them, too, and (Y/N) had had enough. She threw her bowl of soup to the ground and stood up. “What’s your problem?” She demanded. 

“My problem is with you,” He spat. “You’re Fire Nation, you can’t be trusted.” 

“Don’t you think that if I had even thought about turning you all in to the Fire Lord, I would have done it already?” 

“I don’t know what goes on in your little spy brain!” 

“I know what goes on in your brain: absolutely nothing!” She let out a frustrated scream and turned on her heel, marching into her tent. The rest of the group stared at Sokka awkwardly. 

“She’s such a piece of work,” He grumbled, sipping on his soup. “Can you believe her?” 

Over the next few weeks, whenever Sokka said an insult toward (Y/N) she’d shoot one right back. If he wanted to be a pain in her side, fine. She’d be one in his, too. 

“You sure your twig arms can handle that firewood?” She asked him as he brought wood for their campfire. 

“Hey, at least I’m doing something. What, are you too busy plotting how to take over the world to help?” 

Their conversations were just insults and sarcastic quips, and eventually the rest of the group started to get sick of it. One night, as they sat at dinner, (Y/N) and Sokka were bickering because they had been forced to sit beside each other. Toph drove a piece of earth between them and flung them in opposite directions. “Would you guys quit it!” The girl shouted. “I only have four out of the five senses and you guys are driving them all crazy!” 

“Sorry, Toph,” (Y/N) apologized, brushing herself off. “You know how he is.” 

“Me?” Sokka exclaimed. “Toph, you know how she is!” 

“You arrogant, good for nothing--” 

“Ow!” Aang shouted, clutching his foot. The group stopped to look at him. “Ow, ow, ow, I think I stepped on something. My foot really hurts!” Katara rushed over to take a look and furrowed her brows. 

“I don’t--” 

“Oh, Sokka,” Aang sighed. “I don’t think I can go on that mission with you tomorrow, my foot just hurts too bad!” He gave Katara a big wink. 

“Oh, of course!” She said, finally getting what Aang was trying to do. “I have to stay here and help Aang heal. I’ll need Toph’s help, too, so (Y/N) is the only one who can go on the mission with you.” 

“I’d rather go alone,” Sokka said, crossing his arms. 

“Please, how are you going to defend yourself if you don’t have a bender with you?” (Y/N) asked with a roll of her eyes. Sokka balled his fists and stormed off to his tent, mumbling angry, incoherent sentences. (Y/N) yawned and retreated back to her tent for the night. 

“I’m not really injured,” Aang said. 

“Really?” Toph deadpanned. “Couldn’t tell.” 

“I just wanted a break from the two of them. They’re always fighting!” 

“Who knows,” Katara said with a smile. “Maybe the trip will bring them closer together.” 

The next morning, (Y/N) and Sokka begrudgingly walked side-by-side to their mission. They were doing a stake out of some Fire Navy ships to see what kind of weapons they were storing on them. They climbed up to a tall hillside, where they could comfortably watch the ships. As long as they were quiet, they wouldn’t bring any attention to themselves. 

Sokka’s plan was to stay there for a full twenty-four hours. Every time (Y/N) thought about being around him that long, she nearly gagged, but she had to swallow it down because she knew this mission would be for the greater good. Hopefully, there would be more watching than talking.

They set up their tents behind some rocks so they would not look suspicious. And then, they sat. And they sat for a long time. (Y/N) was growing increasingly bored, just watching soldiers go in and out of the ships. She sighed, laying back down on the grass. 

“What exactly are we looking for?” 

“Nothing.” She propped herself up on her elbows. 

“Excuse me?” 

“We aren’t looking for anything. Well, not anything specific. I just want to know what kind of weapons they’re using so I can write to the Mechanist to create better ones for us.” 

“So...we’re just going to watch?” 

“Do you not know what a stake out is?” 

“I do! I just didn’t know it was going to be a full day of doing absolutely nothing.” 

“Look, if you don’t want to be here, fine. You can go back to the camp. I can handle myself.” (Y/N) scoffed. 

“I’m not leaving you here alone, Sokka.” 

“Then I suggest you stop complaining.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes and reached into her bag. She pulled out two sandwiches and laid them beside her. “What are those?” 

“Food,” She said, sliding a sandwich over to him. He took it suspiciously. “It’s not poisoned, you dummy. I got up early this morning and went to the market so I could make stake out snacks.” 

“Oh, thanks. I guess.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

They sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime. (Y/N) watched the soldiers intently and had even made up backstories for some of them. The smaller soldier was named Lee, and he was a fiesty little fellow, but he was a new recruit. He had good ideas, but no one really wanted to listen to him because he lacked authority. (Y/N) sighed as she watched him talk to his commanders. Poor Lee. 

“I recognize that one,” she said suddenly, pointing at one of the soldiers. “He and I went to training camp together one summer.” 

“Oh, so that’s your friend. Great.” (Y/N) furrowed her brows. 

“I never said he was my friend.” 

“I just assumed, since you were both all ‘Go Fire Nation!’“ He sarcastically pumped a fist into his air. 

“You make a lot of assumptions about me for someone who doesn’t know me.” 

“I know exactly who you are. You’re a spoiled girl from the Fire Nation who wasn’t satisfied with her life and only wanted to join us to run away from your probably mean family. You don’t want to make change, you just wanted an out.” 

“That’s not true at all, Sokka. I grew up poor. Dirt poor. And when I say that I mean it, because the floors of my house were literally dirt. No one asked me if I wanted to join the Fire Nation military, they told me I was going to. I was brought up my whole life surrounded by people who told me how great my nation was. If everyone’s telling you something and you have no reason to believe otherwise, you start to believe it. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m really tired of you thinking that you know who I am.” She pulled her knees into her chest and tucked her chin on top of them. 

Sokka sighed. The sun was setting behind them. “It’s obvious I don’t like the Fire Nation. They’ve caused a lot of pain to me and Katara and to thousands of other people. So when you joined, I guess I just projected that anger onto you.” 

“I understand. But I’m not the entire Fire Nation.” 

“I know, it’s just hard to separate the two sometimes. I can literally see the Fire Nation inside of you. You’re decisive and strong and stubborn--” 

“I’m just going to focus on the first two. You really think those things about me?” 

“I mean, yeah. I’ve seen you talk your way out of fights but also kick some major butt. As much as I hate to say it, you’re pretty cool.” (Y/N) smiled and opened her mouth to respond, but her eyes widened as a giant fireball plummeted toward them. 

“Look out!” She shouted, tackling Sokka out of the way. They both grunted in pain as they hit the ground. 

“How did they even see us?” Sokka asked. He grabbed (Y/N) by the hand and led her up the hill. They abandoned all of their camping stuff (as it was currently on fire) and ran down the backside of the hill, away from the Fire Navy ships. (Y/N) spotted a cave and pulled Sokka inside. They both leaned against the cool rock, breathing heavily. 

“Well, so much for the stake out,” (Y/N) said. Sokka laughed. 

“We’ll have to wait here for the night. The ships are supposed to leave at dawn tomorrow, so we can travel back to camp then.” (Y/N) nodded. The sun had fully set behind them and the cool chill of night was setting in. She shivered. “I can get a fire going,” Sokka said, and began to collect the debris that was scattered around the cave. (Y/N) giggled. 

“Sokka, I got it.” She kicked some leaves and sticks into a pile and kicked a flame on top of them. They sat across from each other with their backs against the cave walls. 

“So, how’d you know you were a firebender?” He asked. (Y/N) shrugged. 

“I think I started coughing fire one day. My family expected it though. My father had been a firebender.” She pursed her lips and stared at the ground. “He was sent to fight in the war. He didn’t end up coming home.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Sokka said quietly. She shrugged. 

“I feel torn about it, you know? Because he fought for hatred and injustice, but I also never got to find out if he supported the war or not. The Fire Nation doesn’t really care if you want to fight. They make you do it anyway.” 

“I always wanted to fight, ever since I was little.” Sokka said. “But now while I’m living my dream, I see how nasty it actually is and understand why my dad didn’t want me to.” 

“Well, you’re a pretty good fighter, so I’m sure he’s proud of you.” Sokka smiled. 

“I’m sure your dad is proud of you, too.” (Y/N) grinned. “Listen, I’m sorry for being so mean to you. I guess I was projecting feelings on to you that I had towards the Fire Nation, and it wasn’t fair. But in my defense, everything you did just made me mad. Like the way you cooked soup, or how pretty your eyes were, or how nice your laugh sounded...” Sokka trailed off, a blush appearing on his cheeks. “I said that all out loud, didn’t I?” 

(Y/N) nodded, trying her best to contain her smile. “Alright,” Sokka said. “You can just kill me now, I guess.” (Y/N) burst into laughter. 

“It’s really okay, Sokka. I’m sorry for being mean to you as well. Everything you did made me mad, like how you constantly teased me, or how cute your ponytail looks, or how funny your jokes were...” 

“You...you really think my jokes are funny?” (Y/N) nodded before sliding to sit at his side. “Can I try something?” (Y/N) nodded again. Their faces were just inches apart and she could tell the fire was dying by the dim glow it left on Sokka’s cheeks. He touched her own cheek with his hand, before pulling her close and slowly connecting their lips. (Y/N) felt her face grow hot, but she still let her eyes close and reveled in the feeling of his kiss. They stayed like that for a while, long after the fire went out. 

When they returned to their friends the next morning, they walked hand in hand. Aang and Katara’s mouths dropped open and Toph stamped her feet on the ground. “There must be something wrong,” She said. “Are they...touching each other?” 

“Hey, guys!” Sokka said, a bright smile on his face. “Aang, how’s the foot doing?” 

“Uh, pretty good,” Aang said, pretending to lift his foot as if it were injured. 

“What’s um...going on here?” Katara asked. 

“Sokka and I had a pretty good stake out,” (Y/N) said. She let her hand slip from his. “I’m gonna get started on lunch.” 

“Alrighty,” Sokka said before planting a kiss on her cheek. He sighed happily as he watched her walk away. “Aang, I really have to thank you for pretending to hurt your foot.” 

---

Permatag List!

@musicalkeys , @aroyaldarknessblr

[akirameta84]

Warning: This is VERY LONG. i got carried away.

"hey don't you have a wip fic for another au?" yeah shush i have a new idea that's not as fleshed out (after writing that turned out to be a lie) as the chunibyo one but i had to share it.

its in every fandom, but Saiki K Pokemon Au time. it's always cliche but who cares its amazing.

Kaido is the mc. for sure. he chooses a froakie because the professor (its kusuke, he's totally it) said it was a dark and mysterious as him. at first he's disappointed by the frog but once it evolves he starts loving it. him and greninja wear matching outfits. he tied red wrist wraps on its arms and he wears a pink scarf.

nendo is his rival lmao. he met him when kaido left with his first pokemon and challenged him to a battle, immediatly. he said loser has to buy the other persons ramen. "but i dont even know you??" "oh. well lets be friends, runt!" "you just asked to fight me???" nendo uses an eevee because his mom gave it to him when he was young. kaido wins because nendo didnt use a single attacking move. he just used sand attack and growl. the battle lasted 10 minutes because kaido kept missing.

now with his newly self proclaimed rival, after going to eat ramen, kaido sets out on his journey. i like to imagine a region with just every pokemon cause its cool that way. kaido mainly looks for fighting type pokemon, and a few dark types, and it takes him a bit to realize that this is probably a bad strategy and that he isnt finding anything, as cool as they are. he catches a shroomish, not knowing it became a type he wanted, because he was impressed with it's "battle capabilities" because it survived an attack that had fainted others. he names it doomslayer cause he's such an edgelord.

somewhere along the way nendo finds him and says that he's going to challenge a gym, and that kaido should join him. kaido agrees because "oh yeah, thats why im on this journey" and they go to the first gym.

The first gym is ghost type, run by toritsuka. why is he first? cause he's prolly not very good at battling and he knows it. the gym itself would be very foggy, and kaido has to traverse it to get to toritsuka. along the way toritsuka has spirits tell him where kaido is, and he'll release a pokemon near there for him to battle, and this happens 2 times. Torisuka himself uses 2 pokemon, a Litwick and a Galarian Yanmask. both are female, obviously. kaido absolutely demolishes these two pokemon, with his water and grass type, seeing as they're part fire and ground. first badge complete.

surpsingly, nendo also beats this gym, mainly because eevee can use bite. guess he figured out how to use attacking moves lmao. also yes ik bite is learned at 25, and rn they're at like lv 12 but shh. he found a tm or smt. it also helps thst toritsuka could barely hit nendos eevee due to the ghost and normal type thing.

nendo tries to travel with kaido, but kaido usually manages to worm his way away from him. he usually gets away whenever nendo challenges someone else and they have to tell him that he can't catch someone else's pokemon.

second gym is chiyo's gym. she uses grass types, and her gym is covered in flowers, trees, and it looks like a forest. the puzzle itself is rather simple. the floor is covered in large flowers, and you have to step on the correct ones or get sent back to the start. i like to imagine a giant vine yeeting kaido. chiyo also forgot to write clues over which ones are correct and ends up helping kaido, and winds being endeared by his determination. chiyo uses a Fomantis and a Petilil, because she thinks they're cute. kaido actually struggles quite a bit because he brings a water type and a grsss type. he wins in the end though, because chiyo ends up lovestruck and forgets to attack. she daydreams about inviting him to run the gym with her because he's so talented in her eyes, but he leaves before she can ask, grass badge in hand.

after chiyo's gym, kaido's froakie evolves into Frogadier, and he cries. in-between gyms again, kaido catches a rockruff because it was cute and it whined when he tried to walk away after battle. again, kaido catching types he likes without even knowing, provided his rockruff evolves at nightime. he names it Decimator. at this point i place kaido's levels at 19-21 ish, and close to rockruff and shroomish evolving.

next gym is hairo's and surprise surprise, it's a fire type gym. his gym his very, very intense. he has actual jets of fire lining his gym. there's no puzzle because he believes in just battling for victory or whatever, kaido didn't catch it behind the roar of the fire jets. kaido just walks along a pathway and gets challenged to battle by 3 randoms. i like to imagine one of them is nendo, and its never discussed. he has a fire type and everything, and its just not brought up. he's back to his single eevee after this too. kaido also wins with relative ease, considering he has a water type and rock type, although he makes the mistake of sending shroomish out at some point, but makes a clutch switch after it survives a flamethrower. fire badge obtained.

right after this, his shroomish evolves into breloom and he cries again. he gets very happy when his pokemon evolve. and also, after a few random encounters, his rockruff also evolves. its day form because kaido is a clueless baby. he still loves it all the same. at some point nendo challenges kaido with a single pokemon again, but this time it's a leafeon. kaido asks how he knew to evolve it, and he just says he battled next to some funny looking rock and it changed. of course. it actually manages to oko Frogadier because kaido wasnt expecting anything other than an eevee, but his breloom deals with it easily, because nendo kept using not very effective grass moves because it worked once. how does he have 3 badges again? nobody knows. level 25-27 now.

next gym is saiko's, and he uses normal types because all the other types were "too needy for someone like him." he's got 2 Persians and a Toucannon. he tried to use 3 persians but he was told that he needed something else just in case someone brought a fighting type by his dad. so he grabbed the first wild bird he found and evolved it. saiko doesnt have a puzzle, and instead just has an elevator that you can pay 5000 Pokedollars to use, otherwise you have to take the stairs like a pleb. Kaido takes the stairs because he's keeping his money dammit. its only 3 stories until saiko's floor, so it's really not much. Kaido sweeps easily with breloom until toucannon comes out. breloom gets slaughtered by a flying type move, and he sends out lycanroc to finish it. normal badge complete.

when he next sees nendo, he has a meowth with his leafeon. kaido asks where he got it, and nendo says he found it near the rich looking gym. kaido concludes that nendo accidently stole a pokemon and they go to return it. saiko says that the plebs can have it as a reward for defeating him, and dismisses them. levels 30-33.

5th gym! mera runs this one, and there isn't a type. she has an Alcremie, Appletun, Cherubi, and a Vannilish. what can i say, girl loves her food. kaido is genuinely concerned that she is gonna eat her pokemon though. the challenge is cooking. kaido has to cook curry, and if its bad, he fights a trainer, up to 3 times. if its good he gives it to mera and moves on the next curry. the actual battle goes okay, but its fairly difficult due to not having a single type, and being unpredictable. obviously he wins in the end, and the badge is a bowl of curry.

frogadier evolves into greninja finally, and they have the matching outfits going on. nendo laughs at it. somewhere nendo also got an applin. kaido is fairly sure he took this one from mera as well, but he decides to let it go, and tell nendo how he can evolve it. he doesn't think nendo understood, but he tried. kaido also realizes he only has 3 pokemon, and decides to find two more. he finds a braixen, which he evolves into delphox. her name is Lucifer's Eternal Flames. Lucy for short. he also catches a noibat. the noibat was caught because he got lost in a cave, and the noibat was leading him out, so he decided he couldn't just leave it there. he names it the Jet Bat Wings. yes im doing that and yes its hilarious. levels 37-39.

gym 6. fighting type, and its kuboyasu. he tried to leave behind his violent days behind him, and become a poison type gym, but eventually gave in and did fighting instead. after he had already dyed his hair purple for the colorscheme. he kept the fighting gym purple because he already commited dammit. 4 pokemon, and hes got Toxicroak (yes ik the irony), Lucario, Grapploct, and Pangoro. greninja faints quickly, and so does lycanroc, but after some paralysis tricks with breloom and delphox sweeping the rest, pangoro comes in and ko's delphox. noibat pulls through in the end, with flying type moves. fighting badge earned.

next battle with nendo, and it turns out he actually evolved applin, and now he's got a flapple. kaido is midly impressed. kaido catches his 6th and final pokemon, an absol. he was overjoyed when he finally got another dark type. he names it Fluffy. yes, the dark type doesnt get an edgy name. levels 44-46, there was a longer gap in between the 6th and 7th gyms. oh also, you may be wondering about an evil team in this au. and my answer is....¯\_(ツ)_/¯

gym 7. Fairy type. Teruhashi. you knew she'd be coming eventually. and yes i saved the characters people prolly wanna know about until last haha. and because i think they fit the more difficult gyms. girl's got 5 pokemon, Mimikyu (i think it fits her fake perfect girl personality), Slyveon, Gardevoir, Florges, and Magearna. how does she have a legendary? prolly cause she's perfect and just asked for it, and someone actually found one. No puzzle here, but having to find his way through the mobs of teruhashi fans is prolly hard enough. Kaido actually has to try this gym several times due to him lacking anything good againist fairies. he gets it eventually though, and teruhashi has to reassure her fans that it's okay that she lost before they murder kaido. fairy badge down.

at this point kaido has no clue how nendo keeps getting gym badges. he has 3 pokemon, and one isn't even evolved. especially considering how easily Kaido himself can beat him. kaido I shrug it off as the plothole it usually is in pokemon games. levels 47-50. Noibat evolves into Noivern, and kaido has himself a pretty strong team. Greninja, Delphox, Absol, Lycanroc, Noivern, Breloom. although he has just been choosing based on personal preference, it turnes out nicely. and yes I'm padding this out cause y'all know what gym is next.

Gym number 8. The psychic type gym, run by Saiki and Aiura. It doesn't get more cliche than this. The challenge in this one is a maze. There's no extra trainers here, instead Kaido fights Aiura everytime he encounters her. She only uses 1 Pokemon in these battles because they happen a lot. Kaido wonders how she keeps finding him, let alone getting through the maze so easily when there's walls everywhere. He brushes it off as her just knowing the layout. battle itself happens, and it's a double battle. they each have 3 pokemon. Saiki has a ditto, espeon, and an alolan raichu (because he thought it was cute) Aiura mainly runs the support side of the team, and she's got a female meowstic, alakazam, and reuniclus, and wishes she had a cuter team, but she makes it work. This is prolly Kaido's second hardest gym. not harder than teruhashi's because he had no advantages, unlike this one where he's got several dark types. the battle is hard because they know exactly what kaido is gonna do. the minute he sends out his breloom to get a cheap paralysis, out comes ditto. the breloom ditto nearly wipes out both dark types, but noivern takes care of it, only to meet a sad demise at the hands of raichu, despite the dragon advantage. he's able to win on his second try, after he refused to send out breloom due to the fact that they just seem to know his next move. it creeped him out. Psychic badge done.

nendo tries to take saiki out for ramen with him and kaido after his gym fight, declaring him his best buddy, and it's not explained why nendo decided this. nendo eventually wins the argument and they get ramen. kaido notices saiki looks disturbed everytime he looks at nendo, but brushes it off as "yeah he disturbs me too." they part ways and onto victory road because im still mourning how there wasn't one in sword and shield. after victory road, kaido is nearing level 60 on everyone.

elite four? eheh i don't know who'd make it up. prolly 4 previous gym leaders with fully evolved teams and more pokemon. not tlo worries about them tho.

Kaido bests the elite four, and marches on to the champion.

Champion Akechi. Full team of 6 Pokemon, and he's a formidable opponent. He's able to easily predict what moves are going to be used next, and always has type advantage. Although, unlike before, while difficult to do, it is possible to do something unpredictable to trip him up, which is the only way Kaido is able to win. His team consists of Serperior, Glaceon, Gyrados, Ninetales, Togekiss (it's just there to be annoying, it can barely attack, and akechi did this to be a nuisance so he can't be clean sweeped), and Mew. Again, I love unexplained lengendaries on teams okay. To Kaido, it seems like with enough switching, he could easily defeat Akechi, but Akechi is very good at predicting. So againist Akechi, it's like the team as been catered specifically to beat Kaido. But, knowing him, it likely was. It takes him ages to beat Akechi. Like literal ages. The only saving grace is Akechi can get tripped up if Kaido is unpredictable enough. It's likely a mixture of that and para hscks that lets him win, and Kaido is champion. Nendo did try to challenge him (somehow beating the elite four) but was beaten. I love how the rivals always beat everything but then get horribly beaten by you.

Holy shit this is longer than i thought it would be. I have been writing this for literal hours. Hope you enjoyed. This is what my brain had inspiration for today apparently, instesd of the fic im working on.

Hadn't seen too much Pokemon stuff for saiki k yet, so tada. and yes, i came up with most of this while writing. the only idea i had before i started writing was the saiki and aiura gym

[musubiki]

Do you have any head cannons/bullet points for Gloria and Hop you wouldn't mind sharing with us?? 👀 💖

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- glorias battle style is full-frontal attack. she doesnt think, she just does. none of her pokemon have any moves that are for stat boosts, healing, anything. just pure attack moves. she figures if she REALLY needs healing or stat boost she can just do it artificially through items, so her bag is always heavy with stuff she might need

- hop tries to do more strategy-based things. i think he doesn’t realize it, but he IS the smarter of the two and intellectualizes too much. tries to set up an advantage on the battlefield through other moves but by the time hes ready to attack gloria is,.. wiping the floor with his team.

- in this sense i actually think zacian fits gloria better than zamazenta but because i have sheild she gets zamazenta LMFAOO maybe ying yang kinda thing then??????

- gloria is very affectionate!!!! shes really good at comforting, talking to little kids, making people feel encouraged, etc!!! even though hop is her rival, every time hes like “I’ll win next time!!” she’d respond with something like “I’m rooting for you!!“ or “Do your best!!!!!”

- A little more on glorias battle style, shes not very patient, so she tries to get as many 1HKO’s as possible. She HATES those long, dreary, boring battles with like, both pokemon have low accuracy, high defense, slow poison killing, she HATES THAT SHIT!!!!

- So her battles are always really electrifying and exciting. If you get up to use to the bathroom in the middle of the match it WILL be over by the time you come back

- She exclusively trains in the wild area. Everyone else recognizes that dynamax pokemon are aggressive and dangerous except gloria, who goes flying around on her flygon seeking out dynamax pokemon for fun

- Because of this she has been known to be a dynamax master, and has even taken Dynamax pokemon multiple times without dynamaxing herself (and piers gets really excited about this)

- but no one really knows that its her going around the wild area??? (i kinda hc a little post-game subplot where there’s reports of a mysterious figure roaming the wild area capturing dynamax pokemon, so hop/sonia/leon go to investigate this strange person all “Maybe they know more about dynamaxing than we do!” so they go through the wild area researching and trying to find this person the media dubbed “the desert siren” fhdjks and at the end of it its just gloria in like sandstorm clothing and goggles and as soon as she sees hop shes all “Hop!!!!!!!” like a puppy and just runs over to him and gives him a tight hug around his neck) 

- She likes hugging hop!!! The soft fluff of his jacket is comforting!!!! And they have a good height difference so that her head falls just right on his jacket fluff

- They start to get crushes on each other throughout the journey. Specifically it started about around the time bede waged psychological warfare on hop LMFAOOO!!!!!

- Because she would spend extra time making sure he was okay, encouraging him, they go get food to cheer him up, he watches all her of matches and watches how strong and amazing shes becoming

- But the feelings don’t go into FULL OVERDRIVE until post-game/post-postgame. After hop bonds with zacian and gains his confidence back and becomes sonias assistant, like the whole time gloria had this warmth and happiness in her chest whenever she saw him but NOW ITS LIKE A FIRE

- Specifically like when zacian went uwu for hop and she was like..,,“.,..i love him. I just. Love him. i cant explain it away or blame it on any one thing im just. i love him. husband” on the inside and it makes her happy and SO NERVOUS

- And hop fell BAD during the post-game too, watching her be the amazing confident champion she is like she was born for it, while she also CONSTANTLY MADE SURE HE WAS OKAY AND CARED FOR HIM,. AND THEN WATCHING HER BATTLE ALL THESE DYNAMAX POKEMON LIKE A BADASS HES JUST STANDING THERE LIKE “I…might……love her..”

- and after the last battle in the slumbering weald,it felt like the world disappeared around them and its just. Her and him in this moment with the legendary wolves in battle and it was like fate. like all hes ever wanted and hes standing there like “I think I love her”

- And as more time passes, she keeps coming to visit him at the lab, and they go adventuring in the wild area and go to the slumbering weald to hang out and de-stress and it turns into “OH FUCK I LOVE HER A LOT”

- and at some time to the point where he mentioned a few times like “I’m not a hero” or “I never felt like a hero” in some tight hug, soft moment of reassurance, gloria just drops a bomb on his heart and like really softly tells him something like “You’re my hero, Hop. You always will be.” and HE EXPLODES. 

- And while hop is sonias assistant, he also starts using leons old workout stuff for a hobby when he goes home, and (I headcanon them at 16 at the start of the journey) hes still a growing boy so REALLY SOON he gets. Hot. Really hot. Like leon is already VERY HANDSOME and hop is his brother. Its only natural. Theyre an attractive family.

- And gloria is so fuckinf nervous sometimes she just stands there stammering until she runs out the door and mopes around mumbling “why did I do that im an idiot”

- (wink wonk gloria walking in on him working out, trying to talk to him about paperwork she needs him to sign and is just spewing nonsense trying not to stare)

[inviouswriting]

Aymeric x Kiya

During the travel to Anyx Trine, they had taken a longer path with Alphinaud. He wanted to take some white lily type flowers to the house that once belonged to Ysayle.

Kiya felt colder than usual as they had braved through a blizzard to get there even on dragon back. She felt a haze in her head and hoped it was nothing.

Thry had landed and soon wandered the outside of the house for dangers. A few monsters easily dealt with by a few flashes of fire from Kiya and Aymeric's sword. Aymeric noticed that Kiya's spells faltered a bit.

When they were inside, the place felt cold as long abandoned from the heretics. Aymeric marveled at the unique sculpture of Shiva and Hraesvelgr faintly touching it in how it now adorns the gate on Falcon's Nest.

"To think that a few girls would change Ishgard for beliefs that were once thought preposterous. I just hope the great wyrm can lend his strength to us." Aymeric murmurs more to himself, he still had alot to come to terms with. Alot to go through.

Alphinaud arranged the flowers he had brought on the altar to pay respects in his way. Kiya leaned against the wall close to the door rubbing her arms and shoulders. Still dancing with her thoughts. Her own memories she felt a little delirious on her feet. She shoved her own feelings aside keeping her ears up for sounds of foes.

Aymeric turns towards Kiya flashing a brief smile and earning one back. They were dancing around their feelings for each other. Aymeric held back because he didnt know how this dragonsong war would end with another dead either him, Estinien or her, someone he has grown to love dearly unadmitted. He rather go with unrequited love than face heartbreak that way.

Kiya kept her feelings to herself due to uncertainty. Once she admitted feelings it meant she had so much to lose in this. They would grave the others hand or stare a bit longer between them.

It is in one of these moments that Aymeric notices her face more pale than usual, with her painted lips it was hard to tell of she was hypothermic but she shivered on her feet.

"Alphinaud, would you fetch some wood for fire? I think we should hold here for a bit till the weather improves. Wont do for us to catch our death in the cold." Aymeric keeps his voice full of amusement and Alphinaud nods going to get the wood.

Aymeric turns to Kiya eyes a bit stern he knew something was off bow that he sees her gaze half there.

"Kiya? You should sit down and rest. It's been a long journey from Ishgard to here." Kiya nods understanding giving him a grin and a pat on her chest to play off how she felt. Perhaps it was a bit too late and the moment she moved the world was fuzzy to her then black.

"Kiya?!" She didnt hit the ground but was caught. Aymeric kneels with her and glances around for something to lay her down on top of. Alphinaud had returned and saw Aymeric holding Kiya looking panicked.

"By the twelve, what happened?" He is quick to set the wood down and get his tome out to use a cure and esuna on her to see if she had been poisoned or hurt somehow.

Aymeric places a hand to her forehead and feels heat but lingers his hand there feeling her press to it for the cool sensation.

"I believe she has a hypothermia. Along with exhaustion." Aymeric lifts her up again finding a makeshift bed to place her in furs.

"What can we do for her then?" Alphinaud asks.

"Let's get that fire lit. More importantly warm her up and let her rest like we've told her to do." Aymeric says as he removes some of his armor for the thick robe he wears to wrap Kiya in it.

Alphinaud sets about his task of lighting the fire half wishing Kiya was awake long enough to throw a flame. He spies Aymeric sitting with Kiya arms winding around her to draw her closer a worried expression gracing his features.

"I shall go see if I can find makings for a soup or stew." Alphinaud informs Aymeric and he nods agreeing.

"I'll stay here then go keep watch over her." Aymeric rubs a hand on Kiya's head feeling heat from her forehead but knew better than to uncover her from a exposure fever.

It was hours with a fire going and food being made. Aymeric leaving the bundled fur to help Alphinaud make something edible.

Kiya felt like she was dreaming but pleasant warmth throughout her. Her sleep was plagued with a nightmare as events came back to her from Azys Lla, Haurchefant, Estinien, Nidhogg, and Ysayle. She felt soothing hands on her head brief fingers on her forehead checking if her fever broke.

Aymeric sighs in relief when it does break. There is a flutter of Kiya's eyes and she is greeted to Aymeric's smile and most of his torso.

"By the fury, thank her that you are awake." His voice is low enough to hear him but quiet as if there were people asleep. Alphinaud had passed out at the foot of the bed strewn over her legs. Aymeric nestled next to Kiya to use his body heat to keep her from the cold settling in her bones.

"What happened.." Kiya half glares feeling stupid that she was caught in such a moment of weakness.

"You got cold again. Worse than the last time you got hypothermia in my arms." Kiya's cheeks pink at the memory. She had woken up to Aymeric after that night too.

Aymeric gets up and presents her a mug of tea and bowl of soup. She accepts both and eats slowly and drinks slower.

Aymeric sits next to her again and still in a hushed voice talks to her.

"Your fever broke a few hours ago, but we will remain here for the night. Conditions outside got bad best to travel during day anyway. Too many monsters and dravanians that are not friendly. Rather not chance itbwith toy out of it." Aymeric puts his concerns into the reality of their situations.

Kiya looks at the bowl in her hands and is reminded of that time she spent with ysayle and Estinien before they spoke to Hraesvelgr.

"I am sorry to stall our progress." This catches Aymeric by surprise.

"Nonsense, it should be mine fault at not realizing it sooner. Should have told us you were not feeling well." Aymeric reaches hisbhands to cup hers around the bowl. How much larger they are to hers. She noticed he isn't wearing his normal attire but an adventuring outfit. She then noticed her draped in his black robe.

"Thank you... I didnt want to burden you or Alphinaud with it." Kiya feels overwhelmed but the squeeze on her wrists reassures her.

"Again nonsense. You cannot help us if you are not feeling well." Aymeric urges her to best more while it was hot still. When she had finished her things. Aymeric takes the bowl and mug away, setting them down and returns to her. He fits into the fur with her and tugs her closer. He felt right with her next to him.

"Try not to worry over it. However rest, we have a long travel tomorrow to get to tailfeather then anyx trine." Kiya nods understanding feeling sheepish as she lays down. Arms wound around her and she feels safe and protected in his arms.

By morning Kiya woke up last. Feeling refreshed. The Lord Commanders clothes not on her anymore and she spies Aymeric fixing the blue cloak on him from a mirror and a few cups of tea steeping.

Kiya smiles knowing how he doesnt go a day without tea, Lucia telling her moons ago. Aymeric feels eyes on him and ice blue sees vivid green watching him.

Alphinaud already had woken up and went about his morning. When he catches up to the two downstairs he beams bright seeing Kiya up and about. He doesnt miss the way Kiya and Aymeric stare at each other. Tataru had said it is plain as day fir the look of love between them.

"Here we were so worried over you. Yet you look ready to tackle five garuda and two leviathans." He teases and Kiya grins wild at the idea.

"Only if Krile accompanies me." Alphinaud makes a face at that. Aymeric had finished his own morning tea.

"You two should drink up before we brave the cold again. Looks like the blizzard stopped. We should get going before ere long." Aymeric says as he heads up and outside to wait for them. Kiya nods and Alphinaud agrees.

When they were alone, Alphinaud looks over to Kiya as they share the moment.

"He worried about you more than I did. He didn't leave your side once." Alphinaud muses aloud, he sees Kiya glance over to him with a dust of pink.

"Really?" Kiya taps her nails on the mug as a fidget.

"Aye, I noticed you stare at him with love. When will you tell him your feelings?" Alphinaud pries.

"Maybe when this war is over.. or at Churning Mists." Kiya looks into the now empty mug she sets it down then goes to greet Aymeric outside. Turning back towards Alphinaud.

"The right time will present itself. But I dont think I am wrong to chase him." Kiya smiles as she speaks.

"No I do not think it wrong either. As long as he makes you happy." Kiya nods, once outside Aymeric ushers her to stand with him in the morning light. He motions for her to look over the cliffside and is greeted to the soft orange and reds that adorn the snow covered land. Kiya's eyes widen at such a sight, how pink, purples and blues dance off ice and yellows gleam on fresh fallen snow.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Aymeric watches her face over the landscape. How bright her expressions are and how she huddles closer to his side for warmth. She is wearing a thicker attire but cold is still cold.

Alphinaud soon joins them and they set off once more towards their objectives. Kiya holding onto Aymeric's hand a little tighter.

[sirensongster]

consider: aziraphale putting a flower crown on crowley and like- arranging his hair so it falls perfectly that night he spent hours reading flower books so that he could choose the prettiest flowers to put on his demon boyfriend's head

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my god. i love this. fuck yes. flower crown crowley. upgrade to this: its the night of their wedding. so instead of a veil crowley gets a FLOWER CROWN.yes he is the bride. anathema helped him pick out the dress and its just lovely. its got long sleeves and it’s white like a traditional wedding dress. aziraphales in black. they wanted to wear eachothers colours for this and their wings are out the whole ceremony. crowleys in heels. this is off the rails quite a lot but FUCK IT THAT DOESNT MATTER. its wedding time bitches. oh yeah no one really “officiates” the wedding, the papers are done before hand. they just wanted a party but are they going to bring in a priest? no. fuck that. anathema is where the priest normally is because they dont actually know more than four humans! like who the fuck else was going to do it, shadwell???? no! oh yeah and the them (excluding pepper) are the flower boys and pepper gets to be the ring bearer, because who trusts an 11 year old boy with two blessed/cursed rings? oh yeah ring time bitch. aziraphales ring is a black snake with yellow eyes thats cursed to tighten every time crowleys scared/hurt/in trouble, and crowleys is a set of wings, blessed to tighten whenever aziraphale is scared/hurt/in trouble. and the fact that theyre blessed/cursed just makes it better because theyre immune to blessings/curses/holy water/hell fire respectively, while those who are actually a threat to them arent. its like a tiny reminder of “hey. come closer and you’re probably going to die. fuck off gabriel.” when they kiss at the whatever the fuck its called (altar?? podium??? stand???????? help.) they put their wings in the way. aziraphale ends up with a feather in his hair but thats ok. the reception is fucking incredible, they end up just all going to crowleys flat bc its sure as hell big enough and what would they even rent out?? theres nothing *in* tadfield. and its not like they want to miracle everyone somewhere, they dont want to attract the attention of heaven OR hell. especially not during their wedding, while crowleys in a long fuck off dress that he probably wont be able to run in very well. ANYWAYS. when they get to crowleys flat theres just. so much liquor. and punch for the kiddos. the thems parents dont exactly approve of the fact that theres literally a barrels worth of vodka while theres children but ok i guess. its not like the kids are going to drink any or the adults are going to do more than a shot or two before the kids leave. the kids do end up leaving at like 7, and most of the party time was just old stories that humans dont have anymore, odd stories of shenanigans they got up to in rome (not anything dirty, hell most of the stories theyre not even together in. theres about 30 minutes of aziraphale just talking about what he did while crowley was hibernating for a century.) after the them are gone everyone just goes fuckin BONKERS. everyone who was at armageddon was invited because they all definitely kept in touch, but thats it. again, these two are the top hermits in all of history. they just fucked around most of history not bothering much with befriending humans. crowley did pay more attention in the human relations part of things but does he ever talk to them again after a temptation? no. no he does not. so theres only like 6 adults. and god are they all hammered. all but madame tracy are light weights. the humans anyways, these two have been heavy drinkers for millennia. aziraphale and crowley drank at least 10x what a human could possibly drink before getting alcohol poisoning and dying. that does not mean they have a tolerance at all. they just get really funny between the 3rd drink and whenever they decide to stop. and cuddly. crowley doesnt stop touching aziraphale the whole time. not even in a sexual way at all hes just like. sitting in his lap. or being carried. or playing with ziras wing bc GOD ARE HIS FEATHERS SOFT. zira doesnt take care of them well though so crowley ends up just silently sitting behind zira and putting all the feathers where they should be an all that while zira goes off about cake or something. anathema finds this adorable. probably because she cant stop laughing her ass off at everything. [newt brought weed brownies. anathema ate like 4. the new husbands arent gonna let her die or end up in the hospital though. shell bee fine.] I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE CAKE. its really cheesy. it does have white icing like a traditional wedding cake, but the inside is pink. like its just pink from food colouring. its just a vanilla cake dyed pink. now you may be thinking, whos idea was it to make the cake PINK? crowleys. crowley wanted a pink cake. no one but aziraphale knows this. aziraphale finds it really really cute. everyone else thinks it was aziraphales doing but NOPE. its also got lil angel and demon cake toppers but its not of them, no. theyre store bought. crowley thought it would be funny and aziraphale went with it. (he secretly also found it funny, but also found it inappropriate to laugh at it.) theres no professional photographer, aziraphale didnt really want to involve more humans in this than their friends, and its not like most of their memories together have been documented at all. photos have only been around like 200ish years, thats nothing in the face of 6 millennia. this does not however, stop anathema and newt from taking a million pictures on their phones. at least they have the sense to not take pictures when crowley starts crying. though its not like thye could get a good picture of that anyways, wings are really easy to hide behind when theyre that big. oh shit i really went off the rails on this one but thats ok. ive a feeling no one really minds. oh yeah the actual fuckin wedding is in crowleys greenhouse. its impossibly big. and logically should not fit in the flat at all. that one was somewhat hard to explain to beelzebub, but its not like they really care that much. they were just curious as to what the FUCK one demon could do with a greenhouse of all things. they did not get an answer. just a flower pot to the face and a run away demon. beelz wasnt even all that mad just suprised like the audacity of that mother fucker. anyways. the (altar?? podium?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING CALLED I STILL HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT AND ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES) was literally grown. its like a flower bush (more like two) that were grown in an arc. crowley did not clear much space for this at all, just the isle and enough chairs for everyone. not that he moved plants for those. just put chairs on top of short plants. the thems parents were really really fuckin confused as to “what the hell?? how did they do this. what.” but stayed because no one else seemed to be bothered much by it, the kids were like ‘same shit as always’ and the grooms seemed happy about this. it was a hassle to actually get to the chairs without stepping on the plants though. and didrie (is that how its spelled??? adams mom.) swears she saw some of the plants trembling when the petals were thrown. she also swears that the bride has snake eyes?? crowley doesnt wear his sunglasses the whole time so all the lights are a bit dimmed, not quite to the point that the humans cant see but if they were any lower it might have been a bit of a problem. especially with all of the mother fucking VINES. why are there vines all over the place crowley?? he does not have an answer. he may have gone over board a few years ago and just. leaves them there. theyre not hurting anybody. SPEAKING OF CROWLEYS SNAKE FEATURES! crowley ends up stammering and hissing through his vows. aziraphale finds this adorable. look at my hissy idiot. i love him. thats all that goes through ziras head. eventually he just lifts his wing so no one can see and kisses him because they both know crowley isnt goign to be able to say it in the next ten minutes. oh yeah their vows are done in latin. because what else would they do it in? also they bless/curse one another in their vows. because it cant hurt them, and its like the rings from earlier. no one with intent to harm them can touch them now without being burned by the blessing/curse. anyone. it can bee beelzebub or gabriel or some human, theyre getting burned. zira lets crowley finish the curse before kissing him obviously. all humans but anathema are confused by this, anathema learned latin as a teenager to better be able to understand occult books. she regrets the fact that she can understand them because theyre being very very lovey dovey and she thinks they did it in latin so no one would be able to understand them. so she just stands there and ends up with her face red as a tomato by the time they’re done. newt is kinda concerned and very confused because “what just happened??? i know that was vows. i think.”

[magmasliveblogs]

1.10

a bit early compared to recently! this is the 11th chapter! to recap: last chapter erin met pisces, a mage who has been using illusion magic to scam people out of their money and food! we learned that the seed cores are poisonous and that humans tend to be racist, at least in this area. we also heard of some sort of academy and that this mage dabbles with necromancy! 

At some point Erin slept. At some point Erin woke up. These were minor details. What mattered was the sound.

Knock. Knock.

She tried hard to ignore it. But it kept going and going, waking her up from her peaceful oblivion.

After a while, the knocking was too hard to ignore. Erin opened her eyes and sat up. It was far too bright in the world. And noisy.

Someone was knocking at the door. Erin thought about going back to sleep, but the knocking hadn’t ceased for the last few minutes. So she reluctantly got up and opened the door.

“What do you want?”

Pisces the friendly mage gave her a brilliant smile.

“Greetings Good Mistress. I was wondering if I could impose upon you—”

Erin shut the door. After a few seconds she opened it.

“Less words. Get to the point.”

“Um. Very well. Are you open today?”

Erin looked around.

“Who?”

“You. This establishment.”

“Here?”

Pisces blinked a few times. He spoke very carefully.

“Is this place open? Do you provide sustenan—food? I pay, I eat?”

Erin glared at him.

“It’s early. Yes, I guess I am open. Come in.”

quick note, some parts of the text are in italics, that doesnt seem to carry over. also this is quite funny 

She stomped inside. After a moment Pisces followed.

“I would like to peruse your menu if I m—”

Erin tossed a plate on the table and left. She came back with four blue fruits and tossed them on the table too. Pisces stared at the fruit and opened his mouth. He looked at Erin’s expression and amended whatever he was going to say.

“If I might trouble you for a knife and fork—”

She slapped them down on the table and walked away. She would have liked to go back to sleep, but the sounds of Pisces shifting and the clink of silverware on pottery was too distracting. Instead, she got her own blue fruit and started a fire to warm up her pasta. She munched on the sweet fruit in dour silence.

Outside, it began to rain.

—-

you can practically hear erin internally saying “its too early for this!”

Rain. Rain fell down from the heavens like hail. Well, actually it fell like rain, but these were bigger drops that fell a lot faster and harder than normal. The hammering of rain against the rooftop was nearly deafening.

Nearly. Behind her Pisces set down his knife and fork and sighed loudly. Erin wished he wasn’t here. It wasn’t that she disliked company; she was starved for it. She just wished her company wasn’t him.

“That’s a lot of rain.”

She was talking to herself, but he seemed to take it as an invitation to speak.

“It happens quite often. A natural weather phenomenon, you know.”

Erin turned and glared at Pisces. He raised both eyebrows and held up his cup.

“Another drink if you would. My cup has run dry.”

“Where did you find—stay out of my kitchen.”

“I would be only too happy to. But I fear I was quite parched and if you would be so good…?”

Erin’s eye twitched. But she went and got a cup for herself as well. She didn’t pour his drink, but rather set the pitcher of juice on the other end of the table so he had to reach for it.

its the little victories 

“Does it rain like this a lot?”

“Seldom. It’s a seasonal weather pattern. Actually, this is an aberration. Normally it rains for far longer, but someone’s been messing around with the weather. So we’ll have a brief storm, that’s all.”

She glanced at him.

“Messing with the weather? How?”

He smirked at her. She noted with displeasure that he was already on his second cup of blue juice.

“With magic, how else? Some shortsighted fool must have cast a localized weather control spell. Impressive I suppose, but clumsy in execution.”

Erin looked outside.

“Seems impressive to me. I mean, it’s raining hard. Wouldn’t you have to be a pretty powerful sorcerer to do that?”

“The term is mage, Good Mistress.”

“The name is Erin, idiot.”

ooo weather mages are a thing! 

“Aha. Accept my apologies. But if you are referring to one of my exalted brethren, mage is the best term to use.”

Erin stared at him. He didn’t appear abashed in any way.

“You don’t have wizards or sorcerers or…warlocks? Witches? You’re all just mages?”

“Rather, shall we say that those are titles for mages who meet certain requirements? A wizard is an arcane researcher and true student of the arcane arts. Such individuals are similar to myself, but prefer to study the mainstream branches of magic. Sorcerers on the other hand are quite simplistic and refer to those who educate themselves and have little formal education. Warlocks obtain their powers from other sources such as summoning, while witches practice alchemy along with specialized schools of magic. Thus, mage remains the generally accepted title to refer to all those who practice magic…”

He trailed off. Erin was staring at him.

“Okay. I didn’t need to know all that.”

Pisces shrugged.

“You asked. I was merely fulfilling my role as a guest.”

“Good. For you. So what, a—mage did this?”

“Yes. And it’s not as if this is a particularly difficult task. I realize it may look so to the uninitiated, but a spell like this could easily be cast by a level 30 mage. Less I suppose, if the individual were specialized.”

ah yes a rant from a scholar, good way to get info. plus level 30 seems a bit high considering how slow erin is leveling 

“So…?”

“As I said, not that impressive. Many mages could cast a spell like this.”

“Can you?”

Pisces paused.

“My specialization lies in other areas.”

“Like dead bodies.”

He avoided her gaze and drained his cup.

“Merely another branch of magic, good mistress Erin.”

Erin stared at him. She opened her mouth, but then the door slammed. Both Erin and Pisces turned as a wet, dark figure sauntered into the inn and threw his arms wide.

“Good morning cold folk, warm-blooded Human and—oh.”

Relc paused and stared at Pisces. Klbkch closed the door and bowed slightly at Erin.

irony! also it seems this mage would want to avoid guards 

“Please pardon our intrusion. Is this establishment open for business?”

“What? Oh. Yeah.”

Erin scrambled for words. Relc was still staring at Pisces who studiously ignored him as he refilled his cup.

“It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”

“If you would be so kind.”

Klbkch wiped his feet and stepped over to a table. Relc was still staring.

“You multiplied. Can Humans do that?”

“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying so ignore him.”

Erin waved Relc over to a seat as she went to the kitchen for plates.

Relc kept staring until Klbkch kicked him and motioned him to a seat.

“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”

Relc glared and sat. Klbkch turned and nodded to Pisces.

“Please excuse my companion’s rudeness.”

relc is becoming suspicious! this isnt good for pisces 

Turning her back on him, Erin smiled at Relc and Klbkch.

“So um, hi again. It’s been a while. Klbkch and…?”

Klbkch nodded while Relc looked expectant.

“Um. Uh…”

“Relc.”

Klbkch murmured softly.

“Relc! Right, right.”

“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”

Relc looked aggrieved. Erin blushed.

“Um, sorry.”

“Aren’t I the better looking one here? What gives?”

“Sorry. It’s just—uh, you know. I’ve got a bad memory.”

“Really?”

“…No. Sorry. It’s just been a busy two days.”

“Oh.”

He looked deflated. Erin tried to cheer him up.

i mean it has been busy 

“I’ve got more pasta. Well, it’s old pasta but it still tastes good! And more blue juice. And blue fruit! It’s uh, not poisonous if you only eat the outer bit.”

“Ooh, pasta!”

Relc perked up instantly. Erin went to fetch the pasta and placed two steaming plates in front of the two.

“My thanks.”

Klbkch nodded at Erin and both began eating. Around mouthfuls, Relc eyed Erin and then Pisces.

“So, how’re you doing? Level up again?”

“Actually, I did. Right after you two left.”

“Ooh, congratulations! Did you get a new skill?”

“[Basic Crafting]. It helped me make a basket out of grass.”

“That’s quite useful! Most craftsman and artisan classes get that early on. I guess innkeepers are sorta like that, right? Got to take care of the inn, repair windows, fix tables, and all that.”

“I guess. I haven’t ever tried that and besides, I don’t have a hammer. Actually, I’ve never swung a hammer in my life.”

“Well, you’ve got the skill for it, so it’ll be a breeze. And you can buy a hammer no problem. Just head down to the city and you can get a good one for only a silver coin or two. Tell you what, if you’re ever in the area I’ll help you get one at a discount.”

“Really? That’s really generous. Thank you.”

Erin smiled hesitatingly at Relc who grinned back at her as he slurped down a noodle. Klbkch set down his fork and nodded at his companion.

“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”

Relc glared at Klbkch.

“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”

“I am merely pointing out the truth.”

“Well…stop it.”

Erin had to smile as the two began bickering. However, she was the only one amused. Across the inn Pisces drained his mug and plonked it down on the table.

“If we’re done with the lovely chatting, my glass is empty. Isn’t attending to one’s customers part of my service?”

Erin glared. Relc glared too. Klbkch—well, she still couldn’t read the ant man’s expression, but he definitely gave off a silent air of disapproval.

“Nice customer you’ve got here.”

“Yeah. Hey—shut up!”

Pisces raised his brows.

“How discourteous. I believe I shall bring my business elsewhere next time.”

“I don’t want it anyways. Besides, you tried to rob me last time. You’re here on sufferance, and because I feel bad for you.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes heavenward. Erin sniffed and debated whether she should refill his glass anyways, but felt a sharp poke at her side. She screamed and jumped.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t—don’t do that!”

Erin rubbed at where Relc’s claw had poked her.

ooooookkaaaaaaaay it seems drakes can be just as racist as humans. good to know klb is polite 

“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”

Relc’s voice was a low hissing whisper as he glanced over as Pisces. He needn’t have bothered, though. Pisces was still engrossed in his cup. Erin grinned maliciously and whispered back.

“Yeah. Last night I was visited by a scary monster. But when I hit it with a pa—pot, it turned out just to be him.  So I got him to pay up for scaring me and the food.”

“Extorted.”

“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”

“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”

“Well, it’s not like he’s dangerous. Just annoying.”

“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”

“Like who?”

Erin stared blankly at Relc. He stared at her. Klbkch finished his plate of noodles and set down his fork. Then he stared at Erin too.

“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”

Klbkch nodded.

“Very true. Our absence was most lamentable. But allow us to perform our duty now. Incidentally Mistress Solstice, the pasta was delicious.”

“Yeah, it’s great! Hold on.”

Relc grabbed the fork and started shoveling the pasta in his mouth. He was able to cram nearly half the plate down his throat in one huge gulp, and munched down the rest in seconds. Erin stared with fascinated horror and a tiny bit of envy as he gobbled.

That done, Relc exchanged a glance with Klbkch. Then he turned to Pisces.

“Hey you!”

Pisces looked up with a scowl. He glared at Relc and made an irritable harrumph.

“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”

“Really?”

Relc grinned in his seat.

“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”

Pisces’s face went blank. His eyes flicked to Erin, and then back to Relc and Klbkch.

“Ah. I see the good innkeeper holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”

“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”

“About what?”

Relc exchanged a glance with Klbkch. He grinned. Or rather, his mouth opened and she showed Pisces his teeth.

“We’re no soldiers. We’re guardsmen.”

“Ah.”

For a second Pisces was very still. Then with a surprising burst of speed he leapt out of his chair and ran for the door.

Relc’s arm moved. Erin was only aware of a blur of movement and then his arm shot forward. She screamed and his spear blew past her ear, but the spear didn’t strike Pisces. It flew between his legs as he tried to run and tripped him up. He sprawled to the ground as Relc pushed his chair back. Klbkch was already on his feet.

“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”

the jig is up pisces! also im skipping a bit because the guards start beating pisces up and erin protests, along with a bit of pisces trying to use his academy connections to get out of this 

“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”

He swung his spear forward, the butt of the spear first. But where the spear should have cracked Pisces over the head, Relc’s swing met nothing but air. Pisces was suddenly gone.

“What the—”

Relc blinked. Erin gaped. Klbkch instantly swung his swords in an arc, slashing the air around the chair. But he touched nothing.

“Gone.”

Relc swiped the air where Pisces had been with his spear and growled deep in his throat. Erin stared.

“He’s not invisible? He did that once.”

Relc shook his head angrily. “No. I’d be able to sense if he were in a few feet of me. No, this was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting.”

Klbkch looked to the door.

“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”

“Right, right.”

Relc cursed and swung his spear angrily. It made a terrific whooshing sound as it cut the air. Erin held her breath, afraid he’d let go and accidentally cut her.

Klbkch turned and bowed his head to her.

“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc nor I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed.”

“Really? I thought—he didn’t seem dangerous. I mean, I hit him with a pot and that knocked him out.”

“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”

Relc shook his head.

“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal mage, but we’ve got to find him now and he knows it.”

“Why?”

Relc muttered to himself. He was still looking around and his tongue was flicking out of his mouth, as if tasting the air. It was the first time he’d really reminded Erin of a lizard from her world.

“A rogue necromancer on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city.”

yep, necromancy is glared upon in this world 

“We should be able to cover the distance in approximately ten minutes if we run.”

Relc nodded in agreement.

“So we’ve gotta go. Why? Are you worried he’ll attack you?”

“No, not that. It’s just—the city.”

“The city? What about it?”

“Um, where is it?”

Relc and Klbkch stared at her silently and then exchanged a glance.

“…You mean, you don’t know?”

“No. Should I? It’s not like there’s a sign or anything around here.”

Relc looked amused.

“Don’t be snippy. But it’s easy to spot. Look, you can even see it out the window here.”

He walked over to a window and pointed. Erin squinted out it.

“…Is it that black spot there?”

“Well, yeah. Isn’t it obvious?”

“No, it’s really not. It could be a rock.”

“It’s not a rock. Why are you having a hard time believing me? Can’t you see the buildings?”

“No, I can’t.”

“I do not believe she can, in point of fact.”

Relc and Erin turned to look at Klbkch. He studied her and then brought his face close to hers. Erin flinched as his face came close to hers.

“Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.”

“Sorry—sorry. It’s just the pinchers. And the eyes. It’s just—sorry.”

Relc laughed.

“Don’t mind Klbkch. He’s ugly even for an ant. But you really can’t see the city from here?”

Klbkch nodded. He seemed focused on Erin’s own eyes.

“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”

“What? That’s stupid.”

Relc huffed to himself. He pointed out the window at the black dot.

“Look, the city’s that way. It’s only a twenty minute walk and there aren’t many monsters along the way. Besides, once you get within a few miles the area is regularly patrolled so you won’t have any problems. And if those idiots at the gate stop you – which they won’t – just tell them you know me.”

Klbkch nodded.

“Or me. However, you should encounter no problems. Only those with past records of crime are unwelcome in Liscor.”

welp it seems erin completely forgot the settlement in the distance, which turns out to be liscor!

“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”

Relc was on his feet. He moved so quickly that Erin was left gaping. One second he was sitting down, the next he was at the door.

“Hey Klbkch, coming?”

And then Klbkch was there too. If Erin hadn’t seen the black blur that swept past her and felt the rush of air, she would have sworn he’d teleported.

“Indeed. It is unfortunate we must leave so soon. Our apologies, Mistress Solstice.”

“No—no problem.”

“Well then.”

Klbkch nodded to her. Relc waved and was out the door in a flash. Erin was left sitting with a table full of dirty plates and a state of mild shock.

She had just picked up the first plate when the door slammed back open. She jumped, but Relc waved at her.

“Oh, sorry we forgot to pay. We’re in a hurry so—put it on our tab!”

The door closed. Erin stared at it hopefully, but it didn’t open again.

“…What tab?”

it seems erin needs to learn innkeeper customs 

also thats the end of the chapter! will pisces return? will he be caught? will erin remember this tab? will erin go to liscor soon? 

see you tomorrow! 

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[fuck-customers]

The story of Captain Cuntface

A fuck coworkers/managers submission. (This is long, I'm sorry, i need to vent somewhere)

So, I've worked at this car dealership for about 3 years, and the entire time i've been plagued by Captain CuntFace and her Evil MiniMe. When I first started, I should've known the situation I was getting myself into because a month later we did secret santa, and she (knowing I'm agnostic) gave me a Bible for my gift and said, "I just wasn't sure you've read it." (Even though she knew my grandmother is extremely religious and I spent each summer going to church three times a week, and I've been to church camp, etc.)

But, I let that go. And the first year or so, it seemed like it was our manager that had the problem with me, but when that manager was sent to the secondary store to clean up their department, our temporary manager (one of the few people I actually liked) told me that CC was trying to get me written up over stuff that everyone was doing, tried to say I'm uncooperative and just an overall terrible employee. Temporary Manager pulled me aside after a particularly ridiculous complaint and said, "You're not really in trouble she just won't just up unless I make it look like you are."

So, then temp manager left, regular manager stayed at the houston store, and a new manager came in. And everything was great. I didn't go home crying every day, and everything was fair. But he wasn't getting paid what he wanted, and another manager took the helm.

Which is when everything got worse, and the True Story begins.

In the past 12 months, Captain Cuntface has found a way to wrap her beady little claws around new Manager so fucking tight, that he's forgotten when he was in sales and they worked with him -- he considered them terrible agents. Constantly came in and requested to be switched back to me. But, whoops, CC has somehow made him forget that. So, NM is basically a fucking idiot. 

He lets her have all the power, even when It's 4 to 2 (two bc her evil mini me is her best friend she got hired) he'll agree with us, then go in the hall, call her, and come back and say, "No, nevermind." 

So, we work in a business where Part Time does not exist for a multitude of reasons -- mostly, you cant do what you need to, and everyone else ends up doing the work for you. But, she gets to come in first, get all the fresh customers, follow up with everything that gets Easy Appointments (which is what we get paid for) and basically makes herself look the best every day.

Rules get broken for her, and when we do the same thing, she goes to the manager and complains and gets us in trouble.

She gets to make the schedule because our manager doesnt do anything. 

She steals customers from other people in the department, and when we fight for it, she does everything she can to make it look like we didn't do our work, and when we go back to defend ourselves, NM gets defensive and refuses to listen to us. When we manage to WIN and get our shit back, she goes on the full offense, and prints out anything and everything she can possibly find to make us look back, and then gets rules changed again to benefit her and disadvantage everyone else. 

She got a new rule set up where if you don't make 100 calls a day in an eight hour shift, you're not allowed to take incoming calls (a huge source for appointments). There is NO rule set for her to make a certain amount of calls because she works 6 hours (despite it being common knowledge that morning people can get 100 calls before doing follow ups because of all the people they have to call). She gets to choose her own hours, and even leave early without notifying the manager because she's part time. (And the only reason she got part time in the first place is because she had a baby three years ago. When Old Manager left, she got to keep it because she already had it.)

She's driven off six employees because as soon as they start doing well, she tries to sabotage them or steal appointments for customers she hasnt contacted in six months. These people have literally gone to management or other employees and said, "It's because of HER." 

Our new manager will literally fight for her on anything, but if it's the same for me or someone else he says "Oh well," and moves on. If one of us have a question, he doesn't help us, and says, "you're a professional", but then goes and calls customers and sets appointments for her.

Most of her appointments are fake, and don't sell. Most salesmen don't want her appointments because of it. But NM doesn't care, because she has the most shows because she will literally put an appointment if they say "Maybe". 

And, she got her brothers girlfriend hired, and literally treats her like shit. 

Whenever new people start and ask for opinions we say, "We'll let you form your own opinions." And within two months they start up the conversation about how fucking horrible Captain Cuntface is. She literally tries to get people fired just because she doesn't like them. She constantly spouts off about team work, but refuses to help anyone elses customers, even though we have no choice but to help her because she's not there when they call back. 

People don't give notice when they quit because they're so fucking angry and frustrated with the job that they can't stay another minute. One guy left in the middle of his shift for an interview, came back four hours later and quit. Me, and two others are working on finding another dealership we can go to so we don't have to stay here with her. Which would leave her and her evil mini me, and neither of them are willing to close. (I called in sick once because I had food poisoning and they went to the manager saying I was a liar and that I was just looking to go to a party or something, because they didn't want to close.)

Honestly, guys, this is the worst work situation I've ever fucking been in and I hate this cunt. I don't call a lot of people cunts, but this woman is such a manipulative, lying, backstabbing bitch, that no other word works. Her evil mini me came in six months after me, and we thought she was just an aquientience because of how much shit CC talked about her, but she came in saying, "Oh, we're BEST FRIENDS." And whenever EMM is gone, all CC does is talk shit about her. 

Her brothers girlfriend was struggling, so CC printed out every record she felt wasn't followed through properly, invited her out to drinks, and when thye got there, she pulled this stack of papers from her purse and told her, "So there's a few things we need to discuss." Completely blind siding her. 

She's honestly so awful.

TL;DR: My coworker may be satana reincarnate and is a fucking cunt that nobody likes. And my manager is a blind idiot.

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

[glopratchet]

sleep

increase rank Once all key deliveries are completed you can unlock and urgent delivery. You enter the lobby of your hotel room, which is surprisingly clean for a place where people sleep in it every night. Complete the urgent quest and you will advance to the next rank. After completing each of these quests you will be able to purchase items from the merchant who runs this establishment. Every fight in the game is a boss fight, but there are some that are more important than others. By killing the biggest creatures and evilest villains you will which often lead to special rewards. Every alligator requires some degree of stragtehy not matter what gear you have equipped. This is where your gear and skill comes in because raw strength sometimes isn't enough to bring down these important antagonists. Using an end gator weapon on a four foot yearling wont count squat if you dont know what you are doing. Item set-up and providing yourself with the correct gear also plays a vital role in destroying this creatures. By collecting magical boons you will be able to defeat these huge beasts. Basic strategy for boss fights is to keep your distance and tire the things out. A tiring enemy is a weak enemy which makes killing it that much easier. And guides to the alligators that appear are at the bottom of this page you can view their pictures, get a detailed description of them and even track thier locations on the island. First things first make a chariorot or take one you like from one of the previous games and go into first person by hitting TAB then use the mousewheel to change you view between your legs,torso, Thats already made it make you fell like your playing a game right? Process the alligator locations now using the database of images. Set aside the delivery quests for later since they might be skippable and actually go kill animals. Send out a beacon for the googizon which is located on the eastern-southeastern part of the map and SAVE YOUR GAME OFTEN. If you bring a grill you can cook the left overs minus guts and better then the cooks give you food. Using fishing pole and a bait you can fish . Rare medium well done doesnt matter, fire can make anything taste good. But by reading this you have already made it past the first major step which isnt easy. The longer you cook the better the taste you will receive, this works in most games with cooking. Gather herbs for perfumes this can make certain tasks easier such as tracking. Collect mushrooms they tend to grow near trees you will need these for alligater carcusses when the time comes. ct honey out of hollow trees. If you are the kicking fighters I suggest wearing boots to reduce the effects of snakes and scorpions. Combine items in certain order and recive a resulting potion or utility item. Sometime quests can reward players with powerful items or reveal hidden locations on your map. Sometimes things will look hopeless, but if you save your game, rest up and keep fighting then you will succeed. You have run out of potions at this point I suggest running away and resting because fighting a Death Jockey for example would not be in your best interest. You have fainted twice already and gotten up both times your luck wont hold out forever. The Chapter is titled "Never give up" ed to pull out and restart his barrows dissections. Gathering quests can often lead playe to unusual rewards. But these are optional and many times result in nothing. Going back to the potions you have basically created a healing mix that can be used more that once. Someone needs honey? Make a detour on your way back to the barrows and collect some from the hollow tree then meed the need. Travel to the hive and get it without being followed. Make your way to the giant desert in the southwest part of the map. Above all else collect items reagularly and study them. An example being mining the rocks will give random ores which can be used or sold. Dont break the egg your aunt gave you this will hatch into a pet spider later. Some times your weapon will bounce off the armoured shells unless they can be flipped over. Not all cannons are pointing at the sky some are hiding behind castles and will be turned towards land if needed. Abandon the delivery mission items if you can live without them or risk using them. Speaking to people sometimes get you items as rewards which can be used for other quest later. Great lizardskulls will give you a can call out for animals like wolves,hawks bats and rats to help you in a fight. Perfect beeing: a delivery game achievement unlocked Small good deed award unlocked Got to kill all the bees for they prepare to attack you because of destroying their home. Your most basic pounch set up is a net polearm and climbing gear. Ten potions- use these to recover from minor injuries out of combat. Flint and steel- Used to make fires to keep warm or to prank others. Ten mega potions use these to hear after sustaining a major injury out of combat. Tornado macro- used for extreme situations where an overwhelming amount of enemies need to be taken out at once. Must combine them from stratch when not in extreme situations. 200 health Potions- took awhile to collect these keep them in containers of 100. Three or more paintballs indicate a potential battle, mix these with item to throw at the enemy. Money is always valuable if used right. Hit an alligator with a paintball and they will be visible on the map for some time. First chapter compleated, total of 6 to go Some areas blocked by a green forcefield prevent you from progressing until something is done. Ten minutes can be renewed if another is thrown into the repear trenches before they dissapear. Here are pictures to help you along. Well done steaks decrease hunger need a way to cook them though. 20 whetstone- use these to sharpen your weapon repeatedly. There are islands on the north-western and south-eastern part of the map.They will provide valuable resources and food if they are restored. Items-Flask of oil use on sword or on hinges, Explosives and stuff. Dung bombs( dung bomb ) use these to wipe out small enemies or groups. Watch the locals there willl be a way to interact with them in some way. Casing ( sap plant stone/iron ) use these to make weapon and armour upgrades. Food-Steaks etc do not spoil but are hard to find use food points to track them. Null berries remove all harmful or helpful effects. Sonic bombs will destroy your hearong and reduce it greatly for a time. Water blight postion is a second lake of poison but it moves around alot Alligators are weakest to ice followed by fire water and thunder. Blacksmithing items are scattered througout the land use them to trade. Crystal bones regeneration does not work through all injuries but it does make them much easier to bare. Deliver 4 gold fish to the collector for safe passage and access to rare treats. Flowers are used for many purposes especially in rituals and quest. Some alligators will need you to bring energy drinks,water,ice and fire material to a den. High reach is advised when travelling through the mountainous Do not drink the water there even if it appears clean. There are 12 currants in this bowl as a traditional challenge. Constantly move, strafing around you and quickly starfing attacks will make combat much easier. Not used common since aftershocks can easily destroy half complete structures. Sewers are wide and thorough. Watch out for the posion bite scavengers call outs there can be many and silent. Speeder spider meat can be used as bait for these great creatures. Common is an abandoned city plan a day's hike far from your location. Gore magala greatly reduces any glare allowing it to attack from any angle. Glopratchet rank quite high on the list of most detested oggra but are delicious. Alright welcome to gloptrachte rank quite high on the list of most detested oggra but are delicious. Many poisonous dart frogs live nearby make sure do not eat them accidently. Here is wehre you get the title of one of the most difficult video game ever made Ultimate without cheats,glitches or questions asked. Two dark red potions on shelf in first cottage up ahead. Alligators in g rank hit a ton harder than anything you have faced so far. Its not uncommon to faint once or twice during a delivery even when wearing end gator gear. Once a female chooses to mate she becomes an aggressive lethal weapon to all others. Tetsucabra xeno queen is a deadly beast who must be destroyed before she makes more. Seregios are highly territorial unable to focus on anything else once they find a target of choice. Regios xeno leader is extremely territorial and very difficult to bring down once settled in a lair. Birthday berries singing,speech impediment forgetting to eat all combine to make our hearts heavy. Chasing tail helps the time go by faster have to stay on move constantly long line of suitors. It creates a spike in the ground which increases the size of the hitbox and makes it a bit harder to avoid. Tail lampreys make hiding or invisibility items completely pointless due to an incredible sense. Berserk tetsucabra with rabies has only half the intellectual capacity but twice the physical abilities. Blouder that explode after crunching them down is only sad way for a mighty reptile to die. Let take this road carved into cliff face,shortcut to other desert tribes never need water. Multi-gator with built in rest area and delicious candy red balloons overhead . Fashion victim hates feathers so chest and hip pads protect vital organs instead. Let's try valley of giant flowers beautiful shimmery what comes out? Topple sporting equipment makes great noise impossible sneak up on anyone here. Wouldn't be rock thrown by ledge dwellers no way they could have aim that good. Pivot in circle vs awakardly shuffling around looking like cute confused tourist. One time found paint gun in ship so going to doodle over rivals carapace. Eacht delivery needs a name and number after it in avery organized fashion. Never question why,Milt breeders are spieces of cake compared to this. Grand finals confrontation and lights dim after every goal known bug. Horn broken so whistling all the way home getting exercised routines wrong. Serptintine samba brings whole bar to dance recently so new personal best. Look be fair all those purple centers take many attempts. Serpent serande tricky one trick pony but crowd loves it when it works. Tons of millipedes so pumping out feelers doable without even noticing. Death and taxidermy may be the only constant but keep mind focused over strays. Peppered rum lowers inhibitions and advances dancing skills greatly recommend it. Primate plunder pillage pow wow really meant to dance around cage not pummel foes. Hunger games special announcement on mainscreen at start think the Gamemaker will announce a victor. Line in the sand is drawn and thoughts are in head but feel bad about it maybe just stick to mingling. Chumming the waters is working but mixed signals makes issue reality check before acting on anything So to say perceptive would be a compliment but are insulted they should be dancing for everyone. Bug be gone of the terrible twins having huge gambling streaks and need to hedge against outcomes. Both alligators are infected different viruses one striped one spots which secretly play favorites. Odd choice but hard to argue when stopping war with heard dragons and controlling population projection. Just bring nullberries to conter the frenzy effects until out of sight from other monsters. Poison injectors through tail are not favorite but could be fun to trade sometime. Queen substance can be procurred from desert seltas and selta's shinies from selachii. Supple learners learn the secrets and stop problems while we keep lessons learned. The front page is nothing but quests and stories lay along sidelines keeping head down while reading them all. Go get the honey and avoid swatting bugs of the non-fatal variety. o heal them and keep kids off the mini-troch Alligator virus is spreading must heal them all to avoid a outbreak before it finds a cure. Snappy comebacks in the nick of time hilarious and fix situation without thinking needed. Need alligator tail pronto only cure found mix as many ingredients possibly can into one handy drink. Dam good run since morning could use a great reward fetashis on house. At last you finally come toe to toe with the seregios finally good challenge since morning. Puzzle game at heart and this one hard to make head or tale of. Bleeding ailment from zios too try getting venom antidote from the queen before bleeding to death. Just picking berries and dodging slowmoving darts shouldn't be this fun. Health will decrease as you spring or evade moves will l earn you later. Too early to tell if muscle memory can strike a balance in edge cases. Mosswine jerky or steaks to cure bleeding out goal is to kill monster if possible without. Complicated card game that could become second job since avoiding battles now after initial session. Farm for equipment and this whole new section opens up need more practice to see implications Days pass and you go from bobbing and weaving to going on the attack. Beast not quite busted but instinct and learned skill move you from beginner to student. Brute tigrex has a few tricks up it's sleeve and the will to use them all the time. Temper tantrum of a lizard got stomping grounds so the whole island acknowledges it's mastery Other beasts might be stronger faster or bigger but wit and evolution will win the day. Showdown wit the butcher relieves strain of near nightly hunts and your safe to farm. Brute tigrez is a true force to be reckoned with and neither of you are backing down. Pull and tug back and fourth and once again wit proves superior to brawn. Topple or mount the alligator to access the tail uses every inch of your flexibility. Swap out your old sword for the brute's tooth for the edge in battles to come. Things go south very quickly after she becomes enraged and charges you! The alligator virus is transmittable through body fluid no wonder you've been isolated from the beginning. A grotersquely high increase in speed and damage buff that might make a single hit ruin your day. You've defeated queen ziost and all her minions but at a high cost can't afford to make the same mistakes again. Breaking teeth takes a lot of hard work but and veangeful bite leaves you a bloody mess. The tail can also be severed without venom if you strike at just the right angle and put your back into it. Bold of pink outbreak and crazy movement make it hard to land any good hits stick with the dodging until you learn it's patterns. Yup more infected monsters and a trip through a far off island this time. High risk location, at any moment you could come across infected or an unknown virus. G3 permit quests are always a gamble but you're confident you can handle whatever is next. Gator attacks prove more than just annoying without many choices between poor and worst case. Into the heavens again, strange clockwork machines behind the clouds shows forever circuits. The more things change the more you stay the same though some of these machines seem new. Since chamelos can temporaril turn himself invisble plot the toxin that keeps wildlife from attacking him is it for you. The true ba of all hunters everywhere and you'll become legend when dragging this back to the Z. A g rand furious rajang is the name of the game with sharper tusks and older bite become very familiar. Advanced quagmire quarrels and toxins that turn coat thick and hard as asphalt. Demolisher is a much softer name for something with such power really glad it was on our side. Gogmazios and landwalker prefer to stomp things but limbs can be twisted off if its hanging over a cliff of some sort. Weakest to fire and completely immune to status effects regular old blasts will just make angrier. The one weakness they all share is explosive damage burst apart into bloody chunks so use large bombs. Apex alligator indeed a bit bigger than mines but still close enough to cause a few surprised out of miners. Perptually enraged and have extremely tough hides to everything but fire and frost eventually succumb to poison. Blast blight beast especially if they can turn multiple body parts into trusted firearms. Molten tigrex always hot even when dead surprisingly but flesh still burns like anything else. Doomsday tier fatalis is definitely something worthwhile bring back a tooth and claw for trophy. Guild quests are not necessarty component to completing the game but you can get some pretty neat stuff from them. Too bad g-rank guildies can destroy townships single handedly but at least they can't destroy the whole world (yet). Relic reward that's a nice drop from san lauderbur (whatever that is) looks like rifle for long disttance shooting. Rare drops from skull bash spamming lavania's gigan tyrannos are welcome too despite being weak to something random. Almost every alligator has one of these laying around ripping off jaws makes saleable decoration on wall. Alligators eat some to the strangest stuff gives tannin to their hide used to make armour. Domesticated alligator pets of any kind are illegal no exceptions. You now there is always the one piece which never seems to drop which sucks out loud. Suffice to say one is always enough. Queen extract offers her aid if in return you bring back her pheromones so she can control nearby monster territories. Queen concentrate applies it near body to gain increased attack power and instantly appeal to anyone. Last quest of hunters ceremonial quest always popular for some reason. Immortal reactor under construction by former queen. Decanter used special mount meal drink whatever is extremely valuable during endeavors. Barach pallium armour made by adamanite ore rock da greatest stuff around. As talented as you are at hunting why not organize a cotumnsquad for defences. Rathian ruby given for slaying what once was alpha predator of these lands have some rare gem. Not like they use it for anything important anymore all gone now. Tigrex mantle always in demand for some reason just nice material for protective coat. Pulsating blastheart useful for faceing off against tough monsters some kind of energy clumped together probably elemental. Alexandrite rare stone convertible to coin very handy for investment. Conquest sphere for leading threequads a pittance compared real life saving grace of having one. Wartorn dragonsphire Comes in all shapes and sizes but immune to everything as far as you know. How much is life is just a delivery service package deal gets you better deals supplies and some discounts. You want this ok i will bring it to you so you dont have to go get it. Gargwa are ostrich like birds that run around and trample everything with incredibly sharp talons otherwise seemingly cute. To get them to drop an egg attack them from behind. Kecha wacha wallop around like idiots and rarely ever attack humans unless harmed first. Lair scare bugs like hairy spiders that inject paralyzing venom when attacking. Might want to poison dart them from a distance. Snow with occasional lamborgini dragon with bling on their back. Might want a Rathian Ruby for visiting this place. Uncorner the market on hide with cloth going out of style and demand so high. Salvage claws are always handy to take from anything giant or troll. Advanced tigrex terror seems like eternaes successor very sharp. Hanner it outlive everyone looks like some kind of torture device never markets well. Varanimp skin rare due to simplicity in hunting them but hides make quality fabric. Catch and release uses thermoconch shells unique to freshwater fish. Skulls are quite popular as trophies from the various terrors you kill. Fear factor is high like infamous fangs but due to being elementally aligned as well as viral you are safe. Might be able to corner the market in hides. This delivery cannot be completed by normal means due to human military patrols so please accept my apologies. Wild bugs tend to nest near toxic sites luckily they like explosives a lot. After you witness the alligator being attack by a steve the master of defense will force the quest into failure. Monsters ambush you when scaling the mountain usually when climbing up. Deliver fossilized bones to science guy near kobold area. Kushala kushowdown a turf war between infamous fangs to gain area of controol. Most encounter when doing mining jobs. A weapon that fires masses of pure alligator energy is ideal to take these on. Notorious Fangs hideout used to be prime hunting grounds till they moved in. The echoing roar sound affects all but you can use it on their pet Dark fish are dream eater plants that float around and eat stupid people. Black rock down has some but well rocks are always in supply. Hunting vicariously through adventurers is how these cruel gods amuse themselves. With the tigrex summoned away you have your chance to enter the cave unseen. The alligators can smell fear so you will need to knockout more fish then they do. The fear mechanic is in play here as it multiplies their bite, meaning your body will be ripped apart. Shipping out in two day you need to collect heat stones in advance. The herik crabs natural enemy is the ang grapphoulder so have some crab paste ready. Noctural commision says no to nightly monster incursions as it messes with the ecosystem Research tooth from freshly dead glinthawk. Dah'ren will briefly shrink into the swamp to produce a speark from his side that will be used in the duel. Due to wanting instant gratification you loose half your teeth. Preadtor into prey but creatures still around in small numbers. Kirill stands still and as the paws approach him he strikes with broken bottles hidden under his jacket. Afraid of the dark and purple items just like all the other sheep under your command. Primal pounds chest and growls while primal materializes a few short blades and hidden arrows. Either of which you can hunt at the gathering. Hide and freak belong to neither predator nor pray but hide and seek. Ideal charm prevents complete stoning. Dinner guests arrive in thirty minutes and you are doing a terrible job at preparing the meal. Some of these stones must be shaman locked into place. Buffet style traps surround this camp hunting whatever they feel like at the time. Ideal charm opens all locks and they're everywhere here so you'll need one. You have compelte the alligator delivery service to reach him. The entire wall is made from living bedrock so the gas vents won't help as you'll see shortly. How fun with post game content be if eating magical grasses made everyone not effected by periodic statue phase. Time to trail runs will effect likelihood of escape. And crafting your favorite armors. "Vic, why the heck are you logging into my account and cheating!?" Blastblight is spread by catching the creeping purple infection and bing eaten from the inside out. Shiny metal acts as a repellant but you might catch anyway. Striking gold gives you a crushing disease that makes your bones very soft and your innards runny. Into the mist you go with the most vicious reputation and come out with a brand new condition. Looking at equipment can help determine what role you will play Looking at equipment can help determine what role you will play You stay on the outer edge and let someone else take the shot. The dust catches the light just right and blinds you with a sharp pain. For example a hunter with a hammer will attack the monsters head and limbs and a slinger with shot will attack its body. Hard shells resist axe and piercing shot while soft shells resist sword and blunt shot. Nothing makes for poor damage than four guys tripping each other up trying to get to the monsters head. You have been sent in to scout and slapbox whatever lies in wait. Watch for upswings super pounds and gi shells Most of the holey beasts walk sluggishly on the ground and that should mess up their movel... Masticate, slam, wail! Certian weapon attack can be incredibly disruptive towards other hunters With every busted bely part the monster gets faster and angrier. Mind your positioning and make sure no other hunters are around when you are using them. Bottles rain down which then explode when they hit something. Grover has yet to sleep with a girl so his skills are at their sharpest. Contribute the flesh inside the arena will latch onto the first threat it sees and scream. Grant your team wind pressure resistance or earplughs while bashing the alligators face in. You are now an alligator garuantor. Dont just sit in the corner playing crummy healing songs on your horn. The feral mutants lurking nearby would love to add your feet to their collection. Keep equipment up to date, outdated equipment commonly causes injuries. When you rank up update all equipment of the approatiete rank to you. Of course when you have twelve sets of tier 12 gear something bad will happen. Carry lifepoweders and dust of life to heal teammates from afar. The old bloods turned you into the arena, you can turn them into dust. Refer to rare catch drops to dertermine to capture or kill the alligater to retain the parts you need and run by the rest of the party ...perhaps you are elsewhere in the food chain now. Share items with your team or they will rebuild seterusnya in their favor. Dont hit mounted alligators on the nose, hit them right between the eyes. If the alligator flinches the mount will automatically fail and send the rider flying Hope they share some of the women when your done inking them all over. ...but then again they donorized you telekenetically. Nope, right between the eyes it is. ...aside from not wanting to you don't really have any spears on you for some reason. ...and the monster is 50 meters away and charging. ...actually its more like 40 meters away and quickly getting closer. Your muscles take the coachs reps to heart. ...the little one that is in charge of pumping blood to your heart makes an extra special effort. ...building muscle is easy, just use larger weights than everyone else. ...the little one that is in charge of pumping blood to your brain shuts down some unimportant but large area. ...blood loss caused by the drill they put through your hand and fast. ...the blood clots fast and prevents acidic burning. ...Tip: If you're logged in, your games

[asksansweredpdf]

65 questions youre not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not until now

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? hm like a 3? i talk to spirits so sometimes i worry that they’re around

3. The person you would never want to meet? someone i used to know who things are now awkward with

4. What is your favorite word? oblong or shenanigans 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? idk like a mulberry tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? that my hair was sticking up from my sleep

7. What shirt are you wearing? pink &  blue stipy crop

8. What do you label yourself as? flamboyant & eccentric 

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? finishing infinity war or reading fanfic sjdfhjlkf

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 20

12. Who told you they loved you last? probably my old best friend dom

13. Your worst enemy? i dont really have any enemies. i try to get on with everyone or keep to myself if that’s not possible

14. What is your current desktop picture? a scene from kiki’s delivery service with a window near some greenery

15. Do you like someone? not romantically no. i only ever go to work and work romances are inappropriate

16. The last song you listened to? pussy is gof

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? id like to say someone like trump, but i think his death wouldn’t really lead to much positive change. maybe a billionaire with an heir who would do better with what they have? i’lll have to research this

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nobody immediately springs to mind. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? technically i’d make someone like jeff bezos my slave and then force him to give his money to the homeless, or to pay his workers a higher wage, or something to that anti-capitalist extent. maybe i’d force major ceos to try and combat global warming if it isnt too late

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) everyone says my eyes - and i do like them, but im inclined to say my hair. i love my hair so much

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? id be super hot with colourings like zayn malik or rdj and id probably immediately jack off dsfjlkdsjfkl

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no serious answers come to mind

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? asking people for a favour/for help. answering the phone when im not at work

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. my subway usual! white bread, chicken stips with melted cheese, cucumber, capsicum, olives, jalepenos, honey mustard sauce, salt and pepper

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? probably use it to save for a car, or to help fund dad’s trip to america/england that i got roped into having to pay for

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? i have work tomorrow :/ but i guess if i could get out of that i’d go to greece or something?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ive never had expensive alcohol so i’d probably get like a scotch whiskey or some usual vodka (but pre-mixed. i always puke when i mix vodka myself)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? YEEEESSSS, um first rule would be that everyone gets food/shelter/water for free. regardless of who you are. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? used to be shit, now i think it’s just fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my phone

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? g o d. i think i’d erase either my 18th birthday or the day we first moved into the house im living in now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! fuck yeah i’d go live with harry styles or someone in america or england or whatever. maybe canada. canada seems cool. 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my mum’s father! i’ve always wanted to meet him. we have a lot in common from what i’m told (i was 2 when he died so i dont even remember him). but we’re both leos! we both love dancing and we both love music and singing (he was a musician. and music is like.....all i have). we both like cigarettes and swearing. we both had shit mothers. he seems a cool dude. he had that leo generosity and gave my mum a car and money when she needed it and i never had a good person/parent like that around and i’d love to know him and now im getting sad so. did not see that coming round the corner

34. What was your last dream about? this is going to sound weird but it was about this gross old fat dude sitting in a car next to me (i think my family started driving people around for money in my dream) and he started feeling me up and i told him off. 

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? person? artist? singer? student? worker? nope. im not good at much. 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah twice that i can recall atm. once when i was 9 months for having a cyst on my ovary, and once when i was 19 for having gastro and puking non-stop.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? nah i wish. it doesnt snow in australia

38. What is the color of your socks? im not wearing any atm but the last pair i wore were red and black deadpool ones

39. What type of music do you like? GOD okay my answer is any type of music. but it has to be good. upbeat music? 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? vanilla or caramel

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i dont give a shit about sports

43. Do you have any scars? yeah i have one on my lower stomach from the surgery i got for my ovary cyst, one on my right hand from opening a tin of tuna and slicing my hand immediately (i later got food poisoning), i have some embarrassing ass self harm scars on my thighs, and i think that’s it? 

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? well i graduate uni in just over a week (next saturday) and i have no clue. at the moment i just want to get a job that has a set amount of hours and a set/steady pay and doesnt make me anxious. a desk job that i’m not terrible at. then i can move out. and once im moved out i wont be in survival mode, and maybe then i can start dreaming. but for now im desperate enough to not even have dreams or wants. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i would make me more assertive and less anxious. and a bit more funny. a bit more like an aries or a leo. i think i will be more like this when im moved out and secure with a consistent job and consistent living space. i havent had that for like 6 years.

46. Are you reliable? very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? god what a question. where should i work? and should i get a motorbike or a car? and id just ask for general advice

48. Do you hold grudges? absolutely. to be fair, i consider myself a very understanding and fair person, so it takes a lot to get me mad. but once im there, it’s usually justified and hard to change my mind. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like maybe a bird and a lion. imagine a flying lion. that’d be sick

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? out of what immediately springs to mind i have 2 equally strong contenders: 1) me, introducing myself to a worker on the first day at my job - “hi, i’m ____ by the way. i don’t think i’ve introduced myself to you yet” “i know.” “oh! sorry haha im just really bad with names and faces haha” "yeah. we went to school together. *walks away*  2) coworker: so how many babies do you think we’ll have to sacrifice to get a bigger back room? me: ........at least 1 million coworker: 1 million? wow! i was thinking like 7! me: 7? wow i really went overboard there. but wait! what counts as a baby? are there age or weight restrictions or? coworker: hm i think it’s like anyone under the age of 4 me: oh under 4? so if you kill a 5 year old and sacrifice it, then you’ve just wasted a kill and it doesn’t count? coworker: yeah pretty much.....i’ve done that a few times, actually. their parents were not happy me: yeah i’d imagine just as much. imagine having to have that conversation with their parents like ‘uhh sorry about that’ coworker: yeah and it was all for nothing too

51. Are you a good liar? yes, when i know the people and situation well. i usually plan out my lies in advance, but for whatever reason im actually a better liar when im thinking on my feet and improvising the lies. have no idea how or why. 

52. How long could you go without talking? fucking forever. i’m great at talking, a very good conversationalist. but fuck i love not having to talk to people. it’s so much effort. 

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? my mum cut a fringe for me when i was 12. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? all the time! i love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? nope

56. What do you like on your toast? vegemite, egg, honey & peanut butter, sometimes jam (mostly when im high)

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? captain phasma

58. What would be you dream car? a 59 cadillac, or most ferraris 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i dont usually sing in the shower, but i do enjoy a good shower dance routine

60. Do you believe in aliens? for sure! our universe is too huge and constantly expanding for there to be just us

61. Do you often read your horoscope? god you dont even want to know how much i fucking love astrology. astrology is my mind. it occupies about 1/3 of all my thoughts and i immediately try to figure out people’s signs within the first .... maybe 5 seconds of meeting them.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? maybe p or r or v

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? cute when they’re not mine and i can give them back to their mothers after 5 minutes

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

[jedwussy]

all of them? ;)

Look,,,, why do any of you take me seriously i hate you thanks xxxx this is gonna be the last well formatted section i hope u know that.  @lgbtposts here u mcfuckin go

200: My crush’s name is: probs amy but im trying for that to not be the case rn199: I was born in: Blackburn, 1999.198: I am really: fuckin cool197: My cellphone company is: EE196: My eye color is: blue195: My shoe size is: I mostly wear sixes but im actually between a 4 and a 5.5194: My ring size is: i dont fuckin know i dont even know my bra size193: My height is: see above192: I am allergic to: pollen191: My 1st car was: nonexistent190: My 1st job was: in a shop189: Last book you read: fuckin hell thats a throwback and a half. Probs The Rest Of Us Just Live Here188: My bed is: warm187: My pet: dogs186: My best friend: either Katie or Beef xx185: My favorite shampoo is: not a shampoo but Snow Fairy184: Xbox or ps3: PS4183: Piggy banks are: lame182: In my pockets: washed paper and probably a lighter181: On my calendar: who the fuck has a calendar180: Marriage is: for lame-os and i want to be a lame-o one day179: Spongebob can: go away178: My mom: is boring177: The last three songs I bought were?: probs this good robots album who pays for music. 176: Last YouTube video watched: Phils new one175: How many cousins do you have? None that i know of, my mam has loads with kids so i call them cousins but theyre some other convoluted thing174: Do you have any siblings? aye173: Are your parents divorced? aye172: Are you taller than your mom? aye171: Do you play an instrument? aye170: What did you do yesterday? fuck all, pretedned to write an essay mostly. played some overwatch[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: aye168: Luck:aye167: Fate:aye166: Yourself:nah165: Aliens: i want to believe164: Heaven: aye163: Hell: of course,, thts my life ha ha ha162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: sure 160: Soul mates: totally159: Ghosts: why not158: Gay Marriage: Comme une lesbienne, je suis partial. 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: why not, idk what this means tho155: Magic: nah[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: kisses153: Drunk or High: either or, never together. rn probs high152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: Cherry Red like party mcfuckin poison i love them150: Blondes or Brunettes: probs brunette149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: summer147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: straight142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heels: Heels138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich fo sure137: Coke or Pepsi: pespi136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: set me the fuck on fire134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: what the fuck are those132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk131: Small town or Big city: city130: Wal-Mart or Target: targe129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither128: Manicure or Pedicure: get away from me,, leave my nails alone127: East Coast or West Coast: east126: Your Birthday or Christmas:christmas125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers,, but living ones. plants. 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: neither[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: use your words121: George Bush: go away120: Gay Marriage: gay119: The presidential election: fuck off118: Abortion: dont want one dont mcfuckin get one117: MySpace: dead116: Reality TV: boring115: Parents: eh114: Back stabbers: bye113: Ebay: amazons shitty cousin112: Facebook: boring but i use111: Work: kill me110: My Neighbors: named their kid the same as me fuck off shouting her name109: Gas Prices: idk i dont pay attention stop using crude oil108: Designer Clothes: i cant afford that shit107: College: cool106: Sports: not cool 105: My family: eh104: The future: *screaming at the void*

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Rosies mam on tuesday lmao102: Last time you ate: popcorn rn101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh idk maybe morgan when i last saw them at lloyds?100: Cried in front of someone: probs katie during my Major Breakdown of february99: Went to a movie theater: fuckin civil war i dont go to the cinema98: Took a vacation: florida, 201497: Swam in a pool: summer 201696: Changed a diaper:never95: Got my nails done: pre-mothers wedding94: Went to a wedding:mothers wedding93: Broke a bone: never92: Got a peircing: septum in november91: Broke the law: i smoked weed a couple of weeks back90: Texted: rn[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: beef88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed and or dogs87: The last movie I saw: ¾ of the green mile86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: leavers85: The thing im not looking forward to: c2 on wednesday84: People call me: kyra83: The most difficult thing to do is: live82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nah81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius80: The first person i talked to today was: Amy79: First time you had a crush: i was like, 878: The one person who i can’t hide things from: beef77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: beef rn76: Right now I am talking to: ally, morgan, amy.75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a skience74: I have/will get a job: in science73: Tomorrow: never comes72: Today: sleep71: Next Summer: screaming70: Next Weekend: get10 smashed for leavers ayyyyy69: I have these pets: 2 dog ,, revel n jack jack 68: The worst sound in the world: poorly tuned violin being played very poorly67: The person that makes me cry the most is: amy r i p 66: People that make you happy: hannah hart, beef, keg65: Last time I cried: last night64: My friends are: fuckin lovely63: My computer is: shitty62: My School: sux61: My Car: doesnt exist60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots59: The movie I cried at was: pride58: Your hair color is:blonde ( 4 now)57: TV shows you watch: watching through friends and yoi rn. just started futurama, putting off watching greys56: Favorite web site: dont got one55: Your dream vacation: flo rida to new york gay road trip54: The worst pain I was ever in was: brace pain 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare52: My room is: grey, green and a mess51: My favorite celebrity is: hannah hart  (ilhsm)50: Where would you like to be: somewhere sunny49: Do you want children: aye48: Ever been in love: probs idk anymore i think so47: Who’s your best friend: Beef or Keg46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Validation44: One person that you wish you could see right now: beef probs she could do with a hug43: Do you have a 5 year plan: bitch i dont even have a 5 minute plan42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nah41: Have you pre-named your children: nah. but i like Atlas40: Last person I got mad at: myself lol39: I would like to move to: canadia38: I wish I was a professional: science[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: skittles36: Vehicle: cool motorbikes35: President: obmam34: State visited: florida33: Cellphone provider: EE32: Athlete: a what now31: Actor: chris pratt30: Actress: uh probs scarjo dont come for me i love her voice in her ok29: Singer: Miley cyrus atm28: Band: mcr27: Clothing store: fuckin love asda me26: Grocery store: fuckin love aldi25: TV show: atm yoi24: Movie: Her23: Website: idk22: Animal: Tapir21: Theme park: Busch gardens or however the fcku you spell it20: Holiday: xmas19: Sport to watch: rugby18: Sport to play: a who now17: Magazine: i secretly love vogue16: Book: either wicdiv or killjoys15: Day of the week: saturday14: Beach: south shields13: Concert attended: fiatc,, i touched his butt12: Thing to cook: pasta11: Food: pasta10: Restaurant: deanos9: Radio station: kerrang8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla7: Perfume: theres an Alexander Mcqueen one that was designed to smell like sex but i love it anyway6: Flower: orchid5: Color: pink4: Talk show host: gotta say ellen for the lesbians3: Comedian: fight me i like jimmy car2: Dog breed: i love all doggos1: Did you answer all these truthfully? idk i think so