#if oscar worked there giving them the tour and just saying wrong shit

[musubiki]

redraw of this limochi post from 2020!! 🍭

[undergroundmemes]

🇸‌🇨‌🇭‌🇴‌🇴‌🇱‌ 🇸‌🇵‌🇮‌🇷‌🇮‌🇹‌🇸‌- 🇸‌🇪‌🇳‌🇹‌🇪‌🇳‌🇨‌🇪‌ 🇸‌🇹‌🇦‌🇷‌🇹‌🇪‌🇷‌🇸‌: ᴇᴘ. 𝟸 ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀᴜʟᴛ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ sᴄᴀʀs tw: clown mention

“I’m not really sure what I’m seeing right now.”

“I don’t think I have answers. Not yet.”

“Why do you think I have all the answers huh? I’m still trying to understand why Dances with Wolves won 7 Oscars.”

“This unofficial tour guide gig doesn’t come with a handbook.”

“I wouldn’t bring that up just yet.”

“You don’t know that. Not for sure.”

“He always leaves me with the worst one.”

“You take the last jelly, I will rip off your arm and beat you with the wet end.”

“Why do they want to look in dark scary places when most of the important shit’s stuck under a desk?”

“I’m just saying I can’t speak for no woods, but there’s plenty of crap here to give you chicken bumps. There's scars everywhere.”

“Hell doesn’t have views like this.”

“That won’t change the fact that you’re here.”

“I have people that need me.”

“Not much surprises you after that.”

“Look I’m all saying is if you cling to what you left behind you’ll prolong your pain.”

“It’s cruel to let anyone believe that they can go back when they’ve worked so hard to move forward.”

“You don’t want teasing the dead in your resume.”

“Please tell me the coffee is ready.”

“This is where these sad sacks let their guards down and we figure out who’s boning who.”

“His forehead was three inches higher last year.”

“I was really hoping you weren’t going to say that.”

“Lap it up while you can. By next Thursday you’ll be a footnote.”

“But not one [of them] would say a bad word about the bastard.”

“You see anyone springing up from that table?”

“Whos the soggy tea bag staring at me?”

“Where do you go when you’re not with me?”

“How many times did I tell you that dude was sketchy?”

“This isn’t about him keeping hand lotion in his glove compartment.”

“We need to find evidence.”

“I can’t look at it. Last night it was blowing up.”

“I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m working overtime to protect you.”

“You shouldn’t watch this.”

“Maybe it comes in waves. You know, how when you really miss someone: their laugh, their touch it–maybe if that person truly can’t let you go there’s moments when they can still see and hear you.”

“There’s another place we need to search.”

“Sweetheart you can’t call me when I’m at work.”

“This is where he used to hang.”

“How’d you not tell he’s like a black hole of everything that is wrong?”

“People don’t turn evil overnight.”

“He just didn’t give a shit about what anyone else thought. And I liked that.”

“Is this your idea of foreplay?”

“Yes-No. What are we talking about?”

“I’m pretty sure the rest of it has been destroyed.”

“I mean, you close your eyes you could be anywhere. Miami, Aruba.”

“What? I thought we were talking about stuff that we miss.”

“I’m guessing she came up with the whole plan herself. Lady Macbeth used your plus one as a tool.”

“Be careful who you get your intel from, all right? Jeez.”

“Maybe you should grab another seat, so you’re not tempted to watch the wrong show.”

“I never thought she wouldn’t come back.”

“There are serial killers that dress like clowns. They make balloon animals at lunchtime kiddie parties, and then they eat a human heart for dinner. We’ve seen that movie twice.”

“You’ve come a long way. I’m proud of you.”

“I miss you.”

“Why do you think he wanted me gone?”

“You need to see people for who they really are.”

“What are you doing here so late?”

[hopes4gf]

Thievery and Mischief- (a descendants/marvel crossover)

After the tour, I decide to pay a little visit to my friends at Auradon Prep, Tia and Tavian, my favorite twins from Louisiana and drama club captains.

”Yo, Adri! What’s up?” Tavian says.

”Long time no see, how y’all doing?” I ask.

”Good now that there’s some peace and quiet,” Tia says, looking up towards the top of the stage.

”Not my fault you guys are so boring,” A voice says from the rafters.

I look up and see a guy with large wings, almost like a bird’s.

He stares at me, his eyes widening and suddenly he swoops down. 

“Holy crap, you’re Adri Ababwa. I’m a big fan,” The guy says now standing in front of me.

”Nice wings man,” I say.

”Thanks, I grew them myself. Mutant powers y’know?” Angel says.

”Mutants?” I ask.

”My dad is a fairy, my mom is a sorceress. I’m Angel, by the way,” He says.

”Angel...by any chance are you the Bell twins’ cousin?” I ask.

He nods.

”They talk about you all the time, I see why now,” I say.

”It’s rare to see mutants in families. Some have wings, have claws in their hands, can shapeshift, that’s probably why I look up to you,” Angel says.

”Cause I can shapeshift into a tiger?” I ask.

”Exactly,” Angel says.

Tia and Tavian stare at us confusedly.

”Power talk,” I say.

The bell rings and the twins collect their things.

”Ooh, Tia! When’s the next time your mom can make me some of her famous gumbo?” I ask.

”If you come with me now, we can stop by her restaurant,” Tia says.

I turn to Angel.

”Wanna come?” I ask.

”Sure,” Angel says.

————

After meeting Angel, I learned some things about mutants and their abilities. This lesson was pretty enlightening and made me feel like I wasn't alone with my curse.

Later, I get a call from a number I don't recognize while walking through the gardens. I pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I say through the phone.

"Hey, Adri. It's been a while," A familiar voice says through the phone.

I recognize the voice to be Stefani, or Lady Gaga through the phone.

"Oh my gosh, Stefani! It's such an honor to talk to you again," I say happily. 

I sit under the usual gossip tree to take the call.

"I know. Anyways, darling, I have a little project for you. You're someone who I love and hold dear as an artist, so I want to collaborate with you on a couple of songs for a movie I'm producing a soundtrack for," Stefani says.

"You want to collaborate with me for a motion picture soundtrack?" I ask.

"Mark Ronson is also gonna help and a couple of people from my team too. I was also looking in the credits for your album and I saw your boyfriend did the mixing for a couple of songs. I was hoping you and him might want to tag along on this," Stefani adds.

"I'm sure he would e happy to, but for now all I can say is yes to you on my own behalf. I would absolutely love to," I say with a smile.

"Great! I'll text you meeting details on Friday," Stefani says.

"Great!" I say.

I hang up the phone and giggle. I feel like screaming for joy. So many great things are happening! I guess that's what happens when you hit rock-bottom, you only go up from there. And now, everything is looking up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk to the gym where I find Jay with Lonnie and the rest of the fencing team.

”Take a break, boys!” Lonnie says, blowing her new captain’s whistle.

Jay spots me by the doors and walks over with a smile on his face.

”Hey, babe,” He greets.

Before he can kiss me, I put my finger over his lips.

”We have songs to write for Gaga,” I say with a smile.

Jay’s smile drops.

”Gaga? As in, Lady Gaga? Grammy award winner, Gaga?” Jay asks.

”She just called me and she wants us to write her songs for a movie,” I say.

Jay smiles widely and lifts me of the ground, hugging me tightly. 

“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me sooner? That’s great! What if we win as Oscar or a Grammy or even a Teen choice award? I’m so proud of you,” Jay rants.

I laugh at his reaction to the news.

”Why is Jay smiling like that?” Lonnie asks, coming up to us.

”We get to write music for Lady Gaga,” Jay says proudly.

Lonnie’s jaw drops.

”Congratulations! You deserve it for making such good songs for her album,” Lonnie says, patting Jay’s shoulder.

”Nah, the real mastermind is Adri. Her lyrics and her voice made the songs much more beautiful,” Jay says.

I blush softly and punch his arm shyly.

”Shut up,” I mutter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Jay’s practice, we follow Lonnie to Coach Jenkin’s office.

”There's my favorite captains!” Coach says.

“Oh shush, we know we’re good,” I say with a smirk.

I first bump Lonnie.

”Speaking of Captains, I got word of your schedule changes,” He says, pointing to me and Jay.

”Even though these changes have been made, I still think you’d be able to advise your teams. Especially you, Jay, since Ben is out of action,” Coach explains.

”Are you promoting me?” Jay asks.

”I’m making you Captain of the Tourney team, Jay,” Coach says.

Jay’s jaw drops.

”No way,” Jay says in shock.

“Looks like things are looking up, JJ,” I say with a smile.

Jay’s mouth morphs into a smirk.

”Damn right,” He says.

Coach gives us a soft smile.

”You guys can celebrate or something, but on Monday, I expect you all to adjust,” Coach says.

”Yeah,” We all agree.

Suddenly, the announcements go off.

”Adri Ababwa, please report to Fairy Godmother’s office,” The announcement says.

”Did you get your skateboard taken again?” Jay asks.

”How many times are you gonna get that thing confiscated?” Lonnie asks, rolling her eyes.

”It’s in my locker, chill. I have no idea,” I say, getting up from my seat.

I walk through the door and walk to the office.

I walk into the headmistress’s office and I see Mal and Ben with Fairy Godmother.

”Long time no see,” I say to Ben and Mal.

”Glad you’re here,” Ben says, hugging me.

”We called you here because Mal has a proposal for you,” Fairy Godmother explains.

“Rogers stepped down from his position,” Mal says.

My smile fades. Steve Rogers? Family friend, Avengers, Steve?

”Steve stepped down from Captain? Why?” I ask.

“He and Tony had a dispute after Voltron in Germany. I’ve tried to keep a temporary position since Uma came into the Isle, but we need more troops. I think you’d be the best for it because of your powers and experience. And plus, you're already trusted on the court,” Mal explains.

”Mal, I’d be honored to. But I have to find a way to fit it into my schedule. The only free time I have is around now,” I say.

”So, then you can clock in at 5 and finish at 8,” Ben says.

”It's an intensive training role. You’d pick up recruits, train them, and go to the dungeons,” Ben says.

”Not bad,” I think.

”Fine, I’ll do it,” I say.

”Thank you so much,” Mal says with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the base of operations and spot a familiar face. Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend, and newest Avenger.

”Hey, metal arm,” I joke.

”Thank god you’re here,” Bucky says, spotting me.

He gives me a side hug.

”What the hell is wrong with Steve?” I ask him.

”Steve doesn’t agree with the new laws set by Rhodes and the Marshall. Since Sokovia, they wanna add restrictions on our powers because of the explosion and because of that telekinesis girl,” Bucky says.

”I mean they did destroy the city too,” I mention.

”The reason for Tony’s nightmares,” Bucky recalls.

”He has nightmares?” I ask.

”Yeah, if Loki ever comes back, he’ll have a malfunction,” Bucky says.

”Let’s hope that his arc reactor surgery saves him,” I say.

Bucky laughs, remembering he doesn’t have a heart.

”Anyways, let me show you around. So, this is the center of the base, here we have our tanks, our fake grenades, our armory, and training center,” Bucky explains.

”And the troops?” I ask.

”I think that’s your job to cause the first commotion,” Bucky says, handing me a grenade.

”Watch this, grandpa,” I say, taking the grenade from his hands. 

I toss the grenade into a group of guys.

They all huddle near the grenade trying to cover it and push each other away.

”Hey! What the hell are you sons if bitches doing? If you see an enemy grenade, you take cover!” I yell.

”The hell is this bitch?” One of the guys asks.

”Bitch? I’m not anyone’s bitch, and for the record, I’m your new Captain,” I say.

The troops all mutter and scoff at each other.

”Go home, kid! You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re gonna train us,” Another guy says.

”What’re your names?” I ask the guys.

They both look at me like I’m dumb.

”I’m Jack. This is Lio,” Jack says.

”I’m promoting you,” I say.

They both look at each other in shock.

”Both of you are now my Lieutenants. You’re gonna spend the majority of training by my side. Whoever are Lieutenants, you’re demoted. If there’s anything I know about being a soldier, you’d fight any fight or anyone to make it to the top. As I train each of you, you must be following my direct orders only. I will watch you all carefully and see if any of you demonstrate proper soldiers' skills. That will determine if you are my second in command. New recruits will all be promoted in place of older ones. As long as you keep up with your task, you’re safe. Any bullshit, you’re out, understand?” I say.

”Yes ma’am,” The Troops say.

I grab a sword from a barrel and I throw it at Lio.

”Get to work,” I order.

The troops go to their assigned positions and Lio and Jack come towards me.

”Who the hell are y-“ Lío starts.

”Bro, that's Adri Ababwa,” Jack explains.

”The artist?” Lio asks.

“Yeah, I’m a huge fan and I’m so fucking sorry about the way I acted earlier,” Jack apologizes.

”It’s fine, I don’t take shit personally. At least anymore,” I say.

”Bruh, you called her a bitch,” Lio comments.

”Shut up,” Jack mutters.

”Listen, I can already tell you two are friends. So please make this easy for me and shut the fuck up and listen,” I say honestly.

”You know you remind me a lot of Rogers,” Jack says.

”We’re friends,” I say.

”You’re friends with Steve Rogers?” Lio asks.

”Yes, now listen up. We’re gonna do some tactical work. You’re gonna go through the grass here with your rifles, your gonna shoot three birds and bring them to me. Got it?” I order.

”Yes ma’am,” They say.

They then pick up their rifles and crouch through the grass.

They miss every shot when birds pass by. One of them lands on Lio’s head and he coos the bird. I roll my eyes at his action. Then, Jack shoots two birds at once. My eyes widen at his shot. They fall into the grass and he picks them up. Lio shoots a bird and it falls slowly.

”That's one big bird,” Lio comments. 

As it falls to the ground I notice it’s not a bird. 

“Are fucking stupid? That’s a human, not a bird!” Jack shouts. 

I run quickly under the person and they fall in my arms.

”Angel? Jesus, are you okay?” I realize.

The metal winged man winces in pain. I realize his hip is bleeding.

”Lio, what the hell is wrong with you? You shot him in the ribs,” I say.

I place him in the grass and reach for Jack’s medkit. He hands it to me and I open it up. I take a pair of tweezers and some alcohol.

”Sit still,” I advise.

I pry the bullet from his hip slowly and Angel grits his teeth from the pain. The bullet comes out cleanly and I put alcohol on the wound and wrap it up.

”Can you fly?” I ask him.

”Sure,” Angel says.

He uses his wings to fly up straight.

”Now who the fuck mistook me for a hunting duck?” Angel asks.

Jack points to Lio.

”Come on, man,” Lío says exasperatedly to Jack.

”Terrible shot,” Angel comments.

Then he takes the gun from Lio’s hand and shoots a bird. The shot is clean and the bird falls quickly to the grass.

”That's how you shoot,” Angel says, picking up the bird from the grass.

He’s good. And he’s got those wings too. 

“Hey, Angel? You got anything to do after school?” I ask him.

”No,” He scoffs.

”Would you be interested in being a troop?” I ask him.

”What?” Lio and Jack ask.

”Well, I’ve got nothing else to do,” Angel says.

I smirk and pat his shoulder.

Later, I give Angel his new uniform and make him another Lieutenant. We continue tactical shooting until sunset.

I then search the premises of the base and look at the other troops. They whisper and smirk as I pass by. Some troops, practice grenade launching, shooting positions, fencing. I think to myself:

”Maybe this is something Jay would be interested in hearing.”

I smirk to myself as I think about how successful Jay has been so far in his time in Auradon. I walk into the training center and spot Bucky talking to a troop.

”Hey, how was your first day?” Bucky asks.

”Could’ve been better, but it means progress,” I say with a soft smile.

”Good to know you’re a hard hitter instead of a soft princess. Kind of like your mom,” Bucky says.

”Don’t mention me and my mom in the same sentence, you 100-year-old soldier. That’s like putting you and Steve in the same sentence about ice,” I say, rolling my eyes.

”Shut the hell up,” Bucky says punching my arm with his regular fist.

”You ever punch me with your vibranium arm, I will kill you,” I warn.

Bucky laughs and leaves me alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day at school, Angel and I decided to sit together at lunch. We talk about training and new things I could teach the troops. As we talk about ammunition I spot Jay talking to Ruby Fitzherberg, Rapunzel’s daughter. I see her pressing upon him and twirling her blonde hair. Jay uncomfortably tries to walk away.

”Oh god,” I say, rolling my eyes.

”God what?” Angel asks me.

”Jay is with Ruby,” I say.

”Ruby? The girl who slept with five guys at once? You better scoop your man before she gets him,” Angel advises.

”How do you know that?” I ask.

”What? I’m gay. Of course, I know,” Angel explains.

My eyes widen at his words.

”Huh?” I ask dumbfoundedly.

”I said what I said, I’m gay,” Angel says.

I blink in confusion and stand up from the bench. 

I walk over to Jay and Ruby and sling my arm around his shoulder. 

“Hey guys,” I say.

”Adri! Nice to see you after you dealt with Angel in the theatre,” Ruby says.

”You were there? I didn’t see you or hear your annoying voice,” I say with a smirk.

”I was just asking Jay whether or not he likes my new hair,” Ruby says flirtatiously towards Jay, ignoring my words.

”Um, it looks the same,” I say.

”That’s what I said,” Jay agrees.

”Come on, I cut it 4 inches!” Ruby says playfully hitting Jay’s arm.

”Excuse me, can you not put your hands on him?” I ask her.

”Why not?” Ruby asks.

”It’s super clear that he’s uncomfortable,” I say.

”No he’s not,” Ruby replies bitterly.

Ruby turns to Jay.

”Adri, can we go?” Jay asks.

”Gladly,” I say through gritted teeth.

I grab Jay’s arm and we walk back to my table.

”Who’s this?” Jay asks, seeing Angel.

”This is Lieutenant Angel, the guy Ruby was talking about,” I say.

”Jay. Jay Farr, I’ve heard quite a bit about you from Adri,” Jay says.

”I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Angel says.

”Anyways, you saw what I saw right?” I ask Angel.

”Um, obviously. Ruby has absolutely no self-control. Hey, I’m gay by the way and if you ever and I mean EVER dump her, you’re either getting a Louboutin heel to the face or a date with me,” Angel says.

I scoff at his remarks.

”What? He’s hot,” Angel compliments.

”Thanks, man but I have plans with this girl so...no thanks,” Jay says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

”Like I was saying, Ruby thinks she is all preppy and cool when she’s totally out of line for that shit,” I say to Angel.

”What did she do exactly?” Jay asks, peeking in the conversation.

”She was flirting with you- anyways I try to be sane one...”

”And you’re complaining why?” Jay asks in between my words.

Angel snickers to himself. I glare at Jay.

”You. Are. Mine. End of story,” I say through gritted teeth.

Jay laughs to himself after I speak. 

“Jeez, you’re jealous! I didn’t actually think you’d slide into the conversation because of that,” Jay laughs.

”With your tendencies, it was so obvious that you were uncomfortable but when I walked over you played into it! It was so clear,” I say frustratedly.

Jay continues to laugh at my responses. I look over at Angel and rolls his eyes.

”She feels like your toying with her and she doesn’t like it,” Angel blurts out.

Jay stops laughing and his smile drops. He turns to see me.

I play with the underside of my nail, trying not to look at Jay.

”Is that true?” Jay asks.

”I don’t know. Maybe I just feel like at any moment you could be suddenly interested in some other girl who’s better than I am,” I mutter.

Jay puts a hand on my thigh and I turn to face him.

”Baby, why would I make plans with you if I didn’t love you or care about you enough to stay with you?” Jay asks.

I blush lightly and shrug.

”It’s because I think your worth every minute of my life,” Jay says sincerely.

I smile softly and I kiss his cheek.

”That's cute,” Angel says.

”Shut up,” I giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month later,

”Tell me something, boy. Aren’t you tired try to- Fuck what rhymes with that?” I sing, stopping mid-way to think.

”Void?” Stefani suggests.

”Damn it, why is it so hard to write a love song without having the word love in it?” I ask exasperatedly.

”Cause it’s impossible?” Jay suggests.

”It is possible. We’ve just got two weeks to figure it out,” Stefani says, sitting back down in her chair.

Jay puts out his hand for me to pass him the guitar.

”How about we just repeat a couple of lines?” Jay says, receiving the guitar.

“Tell me something, boy, aren’t you tired of trying to fill that void?

or do you need more?” He starts.

”Aint it hard keeping it so hardcore?”  Stefani finishes.

”Yes! That’s it,” I say, writing it down.

We’re about to finish the last song of the motion picture and we’re almost done. But the lyrics keep falling apart.

”Maybe Bradley should just come in here and help us,” I suggest.

We call in Stefani’s co-star, Bradley and he sits.

”What’s the dilemma?” He asks.

”We need more ears. So, how about it?” Jay asks.

Jay hands Bradley the guitar.

”Shit, I’ve only been in classes for a month,” Bradley hesitates.

”You can do it,” Stefani says confidently.

youtu.be/MUX4ZWkDS-s

Bradley starts to strum the chords of the song. I hand Stefani our brainstorm journal and they both look at our lyrics.

They sing the parts of the song effortlessly. At one part, Stefani improvises and nails the part.

They finish and Jay and I clap.

”That was movie magic at its finest! Now, let’s record it, mix it, and then off we go,” I say.

We all get up from our seats to start working on our parts.

Jay and I lay down the mixing and Bradley and Stefani record. And just for fun, Stefani plays a piano version and we end up recording that too.

Later that night, we come home absolutely exhausted.

I plop onto my dorm room bed and sigh. I look up at my ceiling and see the moonlight peeking through my curtain. The bed sinks and I turn to see Jay lying there next to me, looking at the curtains.

”Long days at work, huh?” Jay asks me.

”I took off training to do that, so, yes,” I say.

We both paused in silence for a minute.

”Hey,” Jay speaks up.

”Yeah?”

”Do you think we’ll get nominated for anything?” Jay asks.

”Probably,” I say, thinking out loud.

”You know. I’m glad you asked me to start making music with you. It’s like something I can remember about you...like our own special thing, you know?” Jay says.

”Yeah. By the way, Stefani was the one who asked for you. Not me,” I say.

”Really? I didn’t think that would ever happen,” Jay says in surprise.

I chuckle at his reaction. I turn to my side and wrap my arm around his body. He does the same, pulling me closer to his chest by gripping my waist.

”Baby, where do you see us in the next year?” Jay asks.

I furrow my brows in confusion.

”I mean. Do you think we’ll be together after senior year next year?” Jay asks.

”I mean, we’ve had no problems with our career schedules so far. Sure we had the situation with Lonnie but luckily I’m that wasn’t real,” I say.

Jay laughs at my recollection.

”I’m sorry for that,” Jay chuckles.

”I know. Anyways, I actually believe we could be traveling, making songs, doing couples interviews and photoshoots, and maybe I can have you come to Agrabah and convince my parents to help us get married?” I suggest.

”Married? You wanna marry me?” Jay asks.

”I mean, we need a new heir in the bloodline. And I don’t think Aziz wants to settle down or rule the kingdom yet,” I say.

Jay chuckles to himself for a minute. He scoops down and places a kiss on my forehead.

”Why can’t we do that now then?” Jay asks.

My eyes widen at his words. I blink twice adjusting to his reaction.

”You wanna do all that now?” I ask him.

”Why not? If that means I get to spend the rest of my life with your crazy ass? Definitely,” Jay agrees.

A smile morphs on my face and I jump up to get my phone.

I dial my mom’s number.

”Ma, it’s Adri. We’ve gotta make some plans...”

3,858 words

[imagine-loki]

The Naughty Poltergeist

TITLE :The Naughty Poltergeist

CHAPTER: #1 of ?

AUTHOR'S: lokilover9 & velvetzybanshee

RATING: M

NOTES: This one shot is based on Loki having paid penance for ruining Thor's coronation. He never fell from the bifrost, nor attacked earth and is now free. Not to discount his true history, we just thought he deserved some happy. As for Felipe, he's based on the Spanish character Agador Spartacus, from the movie  The Birdcage and speaks in broken english. 

EXTRAS: Madre = mother  niña = girlfriend  panocha = pussy

Original Imagine  

Imagine thinking your new house is haunted. No one knows Loki lives there because he's always invisible and conjures furniture as needed. Disgruntled by your presence, he behaves like a poltergeist until one day you've had enough."I'm not leaving! Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happens for days and you think he's gone. Then while giving friends a tour, you find him naked on your bed drinking whiskey. "Cheers, darling. You did say show myself." Only you can see him and he follows you around like that for the remainder of their visit.

Loki was content residing on Midgard. With Thor King of Asgard remaining heavily influenced by Odin, he felt displaced as ever and decided to travel abroad. It was aloud providing he didn't hide from Heimdall and returned were the realm threatened, but that didn't mean he behaved. Midgard's continents teamed with beautiful maidens and Loki spent months at a time seducing them across the globe. Yet an introvert by nature, the constant socializing became exhausting. He needed intervals of solitude to rejuvenate his mind and cock. Indecisive of where, he conjured a world map, closed his eyes and randomly chose a location. 

First attempt. "A Frost Giant in the Amazon? I think not." 

Second. "Middle of the Bermuda Triangle? Know enough aliens already, thank you." 

Third. "Inside and active volcano? Fenrir's arsehole." He scoffed. 

Fourth. "Very well. Maine it is." 

The god settled in a vacant Victorian evicting its two following buyers with  'ghostly' shenanigans. Yet to the king of this miniature palace's annoyance the next didn't frighten so easily. 

Alexis was proud having bought her own house after a long divorce. Closer to friends and hours from meddling family, she'd thought herself free of troubles until sensing the place haunted. While unpacking, items started going missing and resurfacing in different places like her keys, clothing and once her vibrator after an evening of ménage à moi, disturbingly appeared in her dishwasher the next morning. Doors would slam, electricity short circuited, faucets unexpectedly ran, but most disconcerting was a voice randomly whispering 'mine' into her ear. Whether in the shower, her yard, doorways, the ghost didn't care. Alexis burned sage, had the house blessed, held a seance with a local paranormal group, but nothing helped. When returning after a long day at work to find half the main floor repacked, she angrily shouted into the air. 

"Ha ha, trickster! You don't scare me and I am 'not' leaving!" She held up a large envelope. "This is 'my' crib and here's the deed to prove it. Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happened so she put everything back, showered, grabbed her vibrator and stormed into the upstairs corridor. "And one more thing! See this? Touch it again and I'll summon your ass with a ouija board and douse you in holy water!" 

Loki inwardly chuckled. 'I'll be sure to bring a towel.' When she fell asleep reading in bed, he snuck a peek at what had intrigued her. 'Smutty fanfiction? Tisk, darling. Who could your heartthrob be? The name sounded familiar so he googled it. 'Ah, the actor from Crimson Peak. Good movie, but I'm much better looking. 'A wicked grin curled his lips when she moaned Tom's name. 'Maybe I need to play a little 'dirtier.'

With the next several days uneventful, Alexis thought she'd frightened the ghost off when in reality he was buying time. Since moving her in friends offered extra hands in their free time, but it was her befriended neighbor, a single gay man with a flamboyant, funloving personality who'd helped the most. They met one afternoon when she peered over his fence to complain about blaring Salsa music as he hosted a pool party. Felipe was sunbathing in a yellow thong, wearing sunglasses with enough bling to impress Liberace and choked on a shot of tequila when she whipped a pebble at his head. He invited her over with a promise to adorn shorts, they hit it off and became besties. 

Alexis planned to have other friends over for dinner one month after moving in, but with all the goings on had postponed twice. Now with a set date, Felipe was invited too and asked what she planned to cook.

"Who said anything about cooking? I suck at it Amigo and prefer no one hurling on my lawn." 

She waved a take out menu and he dramatically gasped. "Chinese food for eight people? Where you gonna put up you blow job booth to pay the mortgage after?"

Alexis smirked. "You're such a slut, Felipe."

He shrugged. "Happy whoopie stick makes a happy me."

"I think I've forgotten what they look like." 

"I show you mine, but no touchy touchy." She laughed, knowing he was kidding. "Too long without sex causes brain damage, niña. How long its been for you?" 

"Since my ex and I separated nineteen months ago."

"Ay dios mio. I lend you my Dustbuster for the cobwebs down there."

"Not funny, Felipe." 

"See. Abstinence makes everyone bitchy. My sister Maritza too. She was happy single before becoming a nun. Now she's Oscar the grouch with eyes like the chucky doll."

"How come you can pronounce words like 'abstinence' and 'cock' so well yet not others?" Alexis teased.

"Don't make me spank you. Come, we go shopping."

"For what?"

"I help you cook. We stay home and talk about cock, mine will curse me in Spanish. He's lonely too."

Alexis slipped on footwear. 

"Why you wearing those?" Asked Felipe.

"What's wrong with flip flops?" 

He stepped onto the porch. "You need something sexier, like bitch boots."

"It's ninety degrees in the shade today."

"So?"

Loki sighed when the door closed, relieved for some peace. He thought Felipe annoying enough as a neighbor yet worse as a guest who never stopped talking. So much so, he'd pondered concocting a tongue numbing spell, sneaking into his house and applying a heavy dose while he slept. But knowing his flair for drama, he'd run panicked to Alexis in the Boo from Monsters Inc. robe worn onto his deck every morning, carrying a note pleading to stay and until recovering, would hysterically sob each time he couldn't sing along to one of the show tunes on his phone. Loki opted to tolerate him for now. He'd be gone once Alexis left. 

The day of feasting came and while she handled finishing touches around the house, Felipe prepared guacamole dip and ingredients for fajitas while mixing margaritas. Hearing music, Alexis snuck to the kitchen and started recording him singing to Bad Girl, by Donna Summer while dancing like a hussy. 

"Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Hey mister, have you got a dime?

Hey mister, do you want to spend some time, ooh yeah

I got what you want, you got what I need

I’ll be your baby, come and spend it on me…"

He startled when noticing her.  "Girlfrien', you post that on social media, I kill you."

Alexis propped her phone on the counter and joined in wildly shaking her chest. 

Felipe tried the same. "No fair. I need big titties like yours to jiggle. Next time I bring tangerines and a bra."

Loki secretly watched on. 'Fucknuts.'

The three couples soon arrived. One, old neighbors of Alexis, Blake and Deidre, the others, her friends, Sage, Lisa and their newest flames Colby and Grant. She started a tour on the main floor then the upper leaving her bedroom for last. Excited to show it off, she was already opening the door as they shuffled out of the second.

"And this is my creme de la...eep!" She quietly squeaked once inside.

The resident spookster sat perched against her headboard sporting only what the Norn's delivered him to the universe in and winked pouring himself a whiskey. "You did say show myself, yes?"

She hurried out, slammed the door and her friends froze on approach. "Erm..wouldn't ya know I forgot to make my bed. Anyone for a drink?" 

Alexis passed them for the stairs and cringed when Deidre spoke. She was nice enough, but sometimes persistent when it wasn't welcome. "Nonsense, friends don't care. Right everyone?" 

Alexis continued down. "Enter at your risk then." 

Felipe watched her rush by into the pantry, close the door, followed and closed it too. "What you are doing?" 

"I can't go back out there."

"Why?" 

"He's upstairs naked on my bed." She anxiously whispered. 

"Which boyfriend? I take up the wooden spoon."

"No, the fucking ghost!" 

"It's a man? Is he hot and what do I tell your peeps? You afraid to come out of the closet?"

"Felipe!" 

"Sorry, it's the margaritas."

"I thought you the one person who believed my stories."

He eyed her sympathetically. "I do. You want I go bribe him to leave with a mcsqeezy?"

"Will you be serious? Ghosts aren't supposed to be naked. One look at him and everyone will think I invited them for an orgy." 

Blake and Grant came down first catching bits of their conversation and quietly conversed. 

"Can't believe she's still imagining this ghost." Blake wise cracked. "I always told Deidre she had a screw loose."

"Nah." Said Grant. "Lexi's a smart cookie. Sounds more like she needs a man. There's one inside with her. Maybe they'll shag, knock some shit off shelves." 

Felipe stuck his head out the door. "You not so quiet, cumquats. I gay. You want I show you my jolly green giant and shag 'you' inside against the creamed corn?"

Loki rubbed the back of his neck. 'I sacrificed prowling beaches of the French Riviera for this?'

Hearing the ladies coming, Alexis approached Blake and quietly inquired. "Still peeing in your wife's pond at night, murdering her koy? I'd see you through my bedroom blinds. Who's a few cans short of a six pack?" 

"Oooh snap." Said Felipe. 

Grant nudged the arse. "Let's chill in the dining room. There's a makeshift bar and appetizers."

The ladies entered the kitchen. "Who's a nincompoop?" Asked Deidre.

Felipe almost answered but pursed his lips together when Alexis loudly cleared her throat. "You know, just my ex."

"He sure is, honey." 

"Your bed's made, girl." Said Sage. "The room looks great." 

They all agreed passing through while thirty year old Lisa's younger boyfriend lingered. "Pretty awesome digs ya got here."

"Thanks." Replied Alexis.

Colby slid his hands into his pockets. "Soo..Lisa says you think it's haunted."

"Yep."

He spaced out for a second, staring at the floor. "I once thought a bat in our house was my dead uncle Howie haunting my parents for selling his mannequin of Vlad the Impaler. But hey, sometimes weird shit happens when you're stoned right?" Alexis and Felipe were saved when Lisa called him. "She misses me already. Laters." 

"He looks fresh from his madres panocha." Commented Felipe.

"That's the way Lisa likes them. Says the younger they are, the easier it is to train them."

Loki rolled his eyes. 'Age is irrelevant.'

Felipe feigned fright by playfully biting his nails. "She bad. Maybe Colby wear a leash and bark like a good doggy for her?" He goofily imitated one in a deep voice. "Woof, woof..woof. Or maybe he sound like an angry chihuahua?"

Alexis smirked. "I have my own problems. A streaking phantom who now makes unexpected appearances."

Felipe gave her a margarita. "Cheers. These make everything better." 

Alexis gulped down the beverage as he watched with raised brows. "Thanks. Next time that streaker appears, I'll just ignore him."

"Next time I give you smaller glass. Go enjoy you friends, niña"

She gave a thumbs up on her way out. "I got this. Easy peasy right?"

Loki mischievously grinned. 'Darling, I'm just getting started.

[angrylizardjacket]

self-same mettle

Summary: "I love my sister more than anything in this life; I will choose her happiness over mine every time."

A/N: BIG WARNING; August Reid, who you may remember from the main story, child groom tw, though nothing comes of it he's still creepy and predatory. Okay so I just wanted to write a little something from Oscar's perspective in the High School AU. Let me know what you think!!

{AYDTD}

----

Oscar's always been a romantic at heart, always wanted to be the star of his own Mills and Boone novel ever since he was sixteen and found his mother's stash while hunting for Christmas presents. It had been painfully straight, right when he'd been discovering the delightful world of loving men, but he was invested enough in the romance that he didn't care.

In 2017, at the tender age of 19, he discovers the author Chuck Tingle, and despite the fact that he's technically now a literature student, this ridiculous, gay erotica makes his heart happy in ways he can't quite articulate.

The point is, he knows August Reid, because he's his dad's drinking buddy and fellow professor, but Oscar doesn't think of him much until he takes the man's class. Ash, who's fifteen and who spends weekends at the local art gallery down the road, has always been far more artistically minded, Oscar's always been more drawn to words, but he takes August's Art History class on a whim.

There's a certain draw to the whole teacher/student fantasy, and August looks kind of like an older Richard Madden, still angular and defined, but greying at the temples, the prelude to an extraordinary silver fox. So Oscar let's himself daydream, and take the follow up class, and look forward to the weekends where his dad's friends would come over to smoke cigars and play cards. August Reid was nothing if not polite, always smiling and kind and happy to see Oscar, answer his questions. Oscar knew he was married, thinks he probably has a kid, and so he was happy to keep his daydreams to himself. He thinks there's something romantic about quietly unrequited love.

However, it takes a year, once Ash has matured more, not a lot, but enough to catch August's interest, for the rose-coloured glasses to be ripped off. August takes an interest in her; when he and the rest of their father's colleagues came over, he would make a point to stop and check in with Ash, encourage her interest in Art, both physical and theoretical, and even suggest research for her, or upcoming exhibits he thought she might like. It's harmless, at first.

Talk of art turns to compliments, her taste in things, her outfits, how she wears her hair, the colour of her eyes. Ash seems to start looking forward to his visits, and something about it doesn't sit right with Oscar.

"He's just, Oz he's so cool," she was smiling, blushing a little; she had a crush, it was plain as the nose on her face, "and he said he could get us tickets to the Renaissance exhibit in Glasgow next month, how awesome is that?"

August starts calling her Miss Ashley, a joke that started since she still had a habit of calling him Mr Reid - because she's a fucking highschooler, it's how she's been taught to address teachers - Ash delights in it, straightens her posture a little when he says it. August makes a habit of petting her head fondly when she does. It makes Oscar's stomach turn just a little. August shouldn't be looking at his little sister like that, she's just a child.

Their father seems blind to it, tells Oscar 'don't be ridiculous, he's just being kind' and when he goes to mum, she just brushes him off, insisting that August is lovely, that he's so in love with his wife, and that Ash is just excited to have someone who understood her.

"A little schoolgirl crush is harmless, Oscar, dear; weren't you singing his praises not too long ago?" It's meant with a wink and a nudge, like perhaps Oscar's jealous, but his mother can be so dense; it's not the same at all. He's an adult, and Ash is a child, and yet he's not the one August is giving leering looks to when he thinks no-one's looking.

It's not that their parents don't love them, it's just that they don't particularly care. They're trapped in a loveless marriage, too self absorbed to care about those that can take care of themselves.

So Oscar takes it upon himself.

Oscar's never understood art like he's understood literature, never been able to make it make sense in the same way, but that doesn't matter. The point is, on Sundays, when his father's colleagues come over for tea and cigars and cards, Oscar's started taking Ash to art galleries across the country.

"But August is-"

"It's the impressionists, Ash," Oscar takes her hand with a grin, practically begging her, "come on they have the Water Lilies," he enthuses, and Ash's expression softens.

"I do love the Water Lilies."

Because he can't tell her what he's really doing, because she's sixteen and thinks she knows everything and the idea of telling her that August has any sort of feelings towards her, even if he explains why that's creepy and wrong, is probably the worst thing he can do to discourage her. So he distracts her, and is careful to never mention him if he can help it, or steer the conversation away if she brings him up.

She's his best friend. She's always been his best friend, but in an abstract, sibling sort of way, but it doesn't take long for the two of them to become legitimate best friends. He listens to all the drama of her highschool career, and her ideas for sculptures, and anything else she wants to talk about, and in turn he tells her about whatever he's reading that week, whatever poetry ideas he's been riffing with lately, and complains about pretty straight boys in his lectures.

Oscar may be a poet, but neither he nor Ash could hold a tune to save their lives, and so of course they sing along to Ash's Spotify playlists at the top of their lungs whenever they're driving. There's three weeks where she plays the Hamilton cast recording on repeat, and Oscar finds himself muttering it under his breath in class.

He works nights, and Saturdays, to afford all these day trips, and his family think he's so diligent, studying and working so hard, and on his day off he spends it with Ash. He keeps local for a few weeks, a few months actually, and surprises her with a trip to the West End for Christmas.

She talks about August less and less as time goes on. Though she does ask about it, in a roundabout way.

"Why're you spending so much time with me?"

They're having lunch in the park across from a gallery somewhere in Ireland. Oscar packed jam sandwiches.

"I don't understand this art shit like you do, but it's good to find inspiration from all mediums, you know?" Oscar smiles, takes a big bite of his sandwich, and watches Ash wrinkle her nose.

"You sound so pretentious," she snorted, shaking her head, "but whatever, I'm not gonna complain, you're the one paying."

"And I like spending time with you, biscuit." His voice turned overly sappy, as did his grin, "I love you." Oscar reached out and ruffled her hair, and Ash squawked, batting his hand away.

"I love you too, ya muppet, but if you wanna hang out we can just do something lowkey, or like, close to home."

She takes him at his word, which is good because he's being honest, but she seems content with their routine. Sometimes they go bowling, or to the library, sometimes they go op shopping, or to the movies, but they never miss a week.

She's his cheerleader at poetry readings, his tour guide at art galleries, and his favourite person at all times. His father's a literature professor who stopped truly engaging with her about her love of art once he stopped understanding her, and his mother was a Type A accountant who was just disappointed she wasn't interested in something employable. So Oscar was her cheerleader at art competitors, her enthusiastic student at art galleries, and ends up being her best friend and quietly, her favourite family member.

August asks about her, according to their father, but Ash's brief infatuation with him seems to have died down.

"Do you have a problem with me, Oscar?" August asks almost a month after Oscar's started spending Sundays with Ash, and maybe their father's told August what's happening, maybe he's noticed Oscar glaring at him whenever he saw the professor, but either way, he's so painfully kind when he asks that it's a dead giveaway; August knows something's wrong.

"Stay the fuck away from my sister," Oscar, kind-faced, bright eyed Oscar, snarls. He's 6'3" and never more thankful for his height as he towers over August.

"I'm simply showing an interest in her, she's an art enthusiast, I'm an art professor, don't worry-"

"I don't give a shit; look like the innocent flower but be the fucking serpent under it, right?"

"I don't understand what you mean? Does your father know you feel this way? Does Ash?" And it doesn't sound like a threat, it sounds like a very genuine question, but Oscar wants nothing more than to punch him in his stupid, angular nose.

"Does your wife know you spend weekends ogling underage girls?" Oscar fires back, and August's expression sours considerably, his mouth closed in a tight, humourless line. "Yeah, dad knows, not that he gives a shit," Oscar sneered, "but if you go near my sixteen year old sister again, you smarmy creepy -" his voice dropped very low, expression dark, his hands balling into fists by his side.

"If your father's not bothered by it I don't see why you should be, I haven't done anything wrong, but you're throwing around some serious implications here," August gives a blithe smile, "Ash is an incredible young woman I'm simply encouraging her passion."

"August Reid, I need you to know that I'm not threatening you," Oscar said calmly, "I'm promising you; I'll fucking kill you."

And maybe he doesn't believe Oscar would legitimately harm him, but he sees it's not a fight he's going to win. August leaves Ash well enough alone after that.

At the start of their Summer break, before Ash is due to start her second last year of high school, their father gets a job in England, their mother gets an excuse to leave her loveless marriage, and Ash and Oscar get a choice. Oscar knows without even having to ask that Ash will stick with him. He also knows that in two years, if she's still here, she'll end up studying under August and his father's other creepily complicit friends. Oscar's playing the long game to keep his sister safe when he announces he'll be going to England with their dad.

He lies, says he doesn't mind transferring courses and maybe retaking some classes at this new university, makes sure he's nothing but positive when he talks about the move, and Ash, add expected, joins him. It hurts to leave the life he's building himself, but he knows it's what's best for Ash.

Adjusting to a new life is difficult, and some weeks they don't end up spending Sunday together. Oscar let's himself relax, takes time for himself, and starts to build new relationships, new connections in this new situation he's found himself in.

Here, he didn't have to worry about Ash so much. She was still his best friend, but now she could just be a teenager without a creepy professor leering at her and grooming her. Though quietly, Oscar was just glad she still wanted to spend time with him; she still goes to his poetry readings, still wants to go on day trips with him, and she's starting to get to know his new friends little by little.

Meeting Freddie is like getting hit by a freight train; they're both taking a Creative Industries subject as an elective, and they get partnered together. Freddie is intense and warm in equal measure, a lover of cats judging by the pins on his bag, he's always drawing or doodling something on his notebook, and he writes songs. Oscar adores him from the moment he meets him. He's always busy, always on the move or at band practice, but he seems to like Oscar well enough, so the two of them start having lunch together a few times a week.

Freddie thinks Oscar's selfless when he learns about everything that had happened back in Scotland.

"Picking up and moving your whole life just to make sure she's safe," Freddie shakes his head, "you're a Saint, you know that?"

"She's my sister, I couldn't not do it," Oscar laughs a little self consciously, but Freddie just seemed endeared.

They're messaging almost every day. Freddie sends draft song lyrics and selfies with his cats and Oscar will send bits of poems and shitty angled selfies or photos taken by Ash. They both live busy lives, but they keep up with each other without even trying.

[I've got a cat named Oscar, you know?]

[I didn't actually. You really like me well enough to name a cat after me 😂😜]

[har har I've known the cat longer. sorry to disappoint. 😘]

He's so caught up in his new life and his new friends, and Ash seems so happy with her new school, especially their art program, that it takes Oscar a while to realise how painfully lonely Ash was. She's always been introverted, always focused more on her projects than on the people around her, but when Oscar realises that person she talks most about is her physics tutor, it hits him that she doesn't actually have any friends her own age here. She likes his friends well enough, one even got her a fake ID if she might ever need it, but she had none of her own.

"How was school?" They've been here for about three months, and finally things have maybe started to look up.

"Fine; we're starting sculpture making in art," Ash said offhandedly, rolling her eyes; she already spent time outside of school making sculptures, the idea of being graded on it now seemed trivial, "this one dumbass spent like twenty minutes negotiating with a teacher about whether he can also make a second sculpture for fun." Ash's voice was flat, unimpressed.

"Sounds like someone you'd get along with-"

"He wants to make a dick."

Dick Sculpture Guy turns to Fucking Roger, and Oscar starts to hear more about him, because Roger's always seemingly causing a scene and Ash is endlessly annoyed with him, though she once let it slip that she thinks he's rather hot, and Oscar, though he's never brought it up, will never forget it.

Until he gets a call on Friday afternoon, from Ash, in tears, asking him to come to the school.

She's surrounded by the pieces of her broken major work when he arrives, and there's a tall, dark haired guy checking up on her. This is Brian, the tutor he's heard so much about. He's thankful, but comforting Ash is his first priority.

Brian leaves, and together the siblings piece together her work. The school gets locked at five, and they're there until the very last minutes. Once the bust is sitting up on one of the desks at the edge of the room, Ash sniffles only a little bit.

"I'll paint the cracks gold."

"Kintsugi," Oscar adds, nodding sagely and Ash actually beams at him, "see, I listen to you, biscuit."

He suggests they go to Freddie's gig to take her mind off of it, though it's also because she's been asking to meet Freddie for a while now, but he's always been busy. However, things don't go as planned when not only is Ash's tutor part of the band, but Fucking Roger is too. Fucking Roger who's sculpture exploding made Ash cry.

Ash is adamant she's going to kill him. Oscar doesn't stop her. She disappears around the end of the bar after Roger, while the rest of the band - Freddie, Brian, and some kid called John - hang back.

Ash decidedly doesn't kill Roger, and actually ends up enjoying her night, which Oscar's glad for. That being said, he's a little bit distracted; he's quickly discovering that Brian might be the loveliest person he'd ever met. Brian's an astrophysics student, a guitarist, a tutor, and he took the time to check up on Ash; Oscar hasn't been seriously romantically interested in anyone since high school, and he's only met Brian today, but damn if there wasn't definitely a crush forming.

They play good music, and Ash seems to have a good time, and he tells himself that that's all that matters.

Days go by, weeks go by, the siblings keep going to Queen's gig's, and Fucking Roger turns to just Roger. Oscar messages Brian and Freddie that Ash might have a crush and Freddie sends back a wheezed voice message saying that Roger probably does too, but that he's stubborn as hell and would never be the first to admit it. Something warms in Oscar's heart at that. Slowly but surely, between Roger and John, Ash is finally making friends her own age.

Ash deserves a normal-ish crush on a normal-ish boy, and Oscar will do anything to encourage that crush. So they go to gigs, and Oscar wiggles his eyebrows at her when Roger's got an arm around her between sets, and Ash turns as red as her hair. But Brian's got a hand on his thigh where they're sitting near the door, and it feels weirdly normal, and kind of the best.

To see Ash smiling and happy, everything was worth it. It's all worked out, though he knows he'll never stop worrying about her, not that he'd want to.

[findtheloveofmylife]

it won’t be long

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Female Reader

Summary: You both promised it wouldn’t be long until you were back together, but it’s been a year and that doesn’t seem to be happening. Maybe the award season will either push back together or be your final goodbye.

Author’s Note: Okay, so I have had this in the time for a really long time, as you will since this based on the Golden Globes and that has been a while. But I am super excited about today, the Oscars and decided to just fuck it, and post it.

Hope you like it!

Who knew dating could be so difficult? Well, Joe soon discovered after he broke up with his first girlfriend. He wished that his first heartbreak prepared him for his future relationships but no such thing. Honestly, nothing can really prepare someone when it came to love and relationships. You will always make mistake and have regrets along the way. But if there was one of the of Joe’s biggest regrets when it came to relationships was breaking up with you.

It wasn’t a bitter breakup, but it was bittersweet. You know when those couples that often state the reason of their breakup was because of their busy schedule when in reality it was for other reasons, well, that was the actual reason why you two broke up. The problem simply was that you and Joe were just so busy.

When you weren’t filming for a mini-series, Joe was filming for a movie. When you had finished your press tour, it was his turn to go on one. You never seemed to have the timing right. And when you saw each other, it would be less than two weeks and when you did see each other the two of you were so exhausted with your hectic schedule, that you didn’t really do much. You two loved each other and were always happy to be together, there was no denying that, but you two knew that wasn’t the best way to live.

So after a long discussion (which may have lead to some tears of frustration and anger), you decided that it was best you two took some time off.

“Don’t worry,” you had whispered to him, your face inches from him as you both laid down on the bed, facing each other. “It won’t be long until we’re together again.”

“I’m pretty sure you just quoted a song to me,” Joe said, trying to make it light, but failing. “But you’re right, it won’t be long, I promise.”

Well, that time off lead to an official break up five months later. It sucked, to say the least, but it was for the best if you thought about it. It was better to end things in good terms than in bad.

After your break up, you would see each other at times, but it was either in parties of mutual friends or award shows. Your interactions were brief, catching up on your life and always making empty promises of seeing each other soon. As time passed, you saw each other less, but Joe always knew he would run into you again. After all, Hollywood was a small world.

—=—

A new year began, which meant award season was beginning. That year, you had your first nomination which was something you were beyond excited about. You couldn’t stop talking about and you were pretty sure you had annoyed everyone around you but you didn’t care. You were finally nominated for something that wasn’t for best picture or assembled cast or another award that you were grouped into. This was your moment, and you were going to enjoy it.

After so much anticipation, the night of the Golden Globes finally came and you were so excited. While, you didn’t have a date for that event, which was a little disappointing, it didn’t bother you too much. You weren’t seeing anybody, and bringing a date to an award show basically meant you were serious. Besides, you had your castmates by your side.

The red carpet felt like a blur, people shouting your name, cameras flashing around, too much smiling, and before you knew it, you were sitting down on a table, next to one of your co-stars, Evan. Opposite of the red carpet, the award show felt like it was being dragged forever. When your category finally came up, you had to dig your nails into your palms from stopping yourself from losing your control.

To utter your shock, the presenters, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Emily Blunt said your name.

“Holy fuck,” you said under your breath.

“Damn right,” Evan, one of your co-stars said, grabbing your face, ready to kiss your cheek but that moment you moved slightly, so he got the corner of your mouth. “Ha, sorry about that, but congratulations.”

“Thank you,” you said, still feeling slightly dazed and accepted other congratulatory hugs from the people around. Somehow, you made your way to the stage and accepted your award, receiving hugs from both presenters. You thanked them and got in front of the mike, your cheeks hurting at how big your smile was.

“Well, it turns out my mom was wrong. Crying can take me far in life,” you said, making the audience laugh. “So, jokes on you Mom. I’m going to keep crying. Maybe that will get me an Oscar.”

Going through your speech was a little overwhelming, but you managed to make it through without embarrassing yourself. It did help a little that you made the audience laugh with your jokes. Once you finished your speech and walked out of the stage, your mind kept going back to that you had won an award for best supporting actress for a movie that you had to go through a tedious audition process and filming under the worst conditions which lead to you getting sick for a month, but it had been worth it.

You honestly had not expected to win, and you had also not expected for your former boyfriend to be watching the show.

—=—

“Oh, my God! Look, there’s Y/N,” Joe said excitedly when he saw actors name be called out and yours appeared in the screen. The camera then panned to you and Joe felt himself forgetting everything. Fuck, he forgot how beautiful you looked dressed up. He remembered the first time you went to a movie premiere and you had worn this beautiful red dress. He had such a hard time keeping his hands to himself. Well, he won't be having a hard time that night, he thought, a little miserably if he was honest.

“You think Y/N’s going to win?” Ben asked him, making Joe snap out of his trance and looked over at his friend.

“What? Of course, she’s going to win. Those other actresses don’t hold anything against her. I honestly feel sorry for them to be in the same category as her.”

“You don't think you're being a little biased?” Gwilym said doubtful but backtracked when he saw the dirty look Joe gave him. “Just a suggestion.”

“No, she’ll win,” he said confidently and to himself, She has to win or else what was the whole point of breaking up?

To say that Joe cheered loudly when your name was called, was an understatement. He almost left Ben and Allen deaf.

“I know her!” Joe shouted proudly to everyone around him. “Woohoo! Go, Y/N!”

Ben had to pull him back down to his seat, but that didn’t stop Joe from continuing his celebration. That was until he saw something he wished he hadn’t.

“Oh,” Joe said, his excitement for you dampening a little when he saw you get kissed by one of your male co-stars. He had seen him in quite a few of your stories, but he always assumed you two were just friends from your interactions.

Ben didn’t miss Joe faltered slightly. “You okay?”

“Of course,” Joe dismissed him and then gave him a big grin. “Told you she was going to win.”

Joe didn’t miss that you didn’t thank your male co-star, the one that kissed you, during your speech. So, it had to mean that, even if he was your date or boyfriend, it wasn’t that serious because you didn’t bother to acknowledge him. That time, Joe couldn’t hide his slight relief he felt for that. It was stupid for him to feel like that. You two had been broken up for over a year and of course, had been on a few dates with other people.

After your speech, Gwilym joked at Joe, “Maybe, at the after party you can give her a congratulatory kiss.”

“Maybe,” Joe laughed good naturally. He doubted that would happen with what he had seen on the screen.

“I think someone beat you to that,” Allen said, grinning, thinking the same thing. “I didn’t know she brought a date.”

Joe smiled slipped slightly, not happy that they were talking about you and your co-star.

“Did she mention anything to you?” Gwilym asked him.

“No, she did not,” Joe said because you two only talked if you ran to each other and the last time had been four months ago. He then clapped his hands. “Guy’s we’re being rude. Someone new is giving a speech.”

It wasn’t the most subtle change of topic but it worked since no one questioned him and did go back to paying attention to what was going on the screen. Joe wasn’t even paying attention, his mind kept going back to that kiss.

Something Joe would never admit to anyone, not even his new soulmate Ben, he always figured that you two would get back together at one point. That this was just a passing phase and that once you both got your shit together, you would get back together. But of course, that wasn’t realistic. 

So, Joe should not be as bothered as he was. He had said it before, but he was well aware you would go out on dates with guys, he’s seen some paparazzi photos. But, that little goblins inside of his head, kept pointing out there’s a difference to going out with someone for lunch to taking someone to an award show, where there were hundreds of cameras and people.

Stop it, he told himself. Don’t go there. Even if Y/N got into a serious relationship, she is not obligated to tell you.

But it would have been nice to hear from her and not find out through national TV, he thought slightly bitterly. And he went there. He looked around, really needing something strong to drink.

—=—

You were easy to spot. You had chosen to wear a bright yellow dress for that evening. You looked absolutely stunning and honestly, it made Joe a little nervous to go up to you. He had lost his train of thought when he had seen you first appear in the screen, he couldn’t imagine how he would react when he saw you in person and receive one of your warm smiles.

Unfortunately, avoiding you was not an option. It was just rude and also, he just really wanted to talk to you. You probably knew that he was there and he wouldn’t be surprised if you tried to find him if only to say hello.

So, his plan was that he would be able to put it off talking to you but no such luck. The second he stepped into the room, there you were, talking to Darren Criss. Joe felt a flash of annoyance when he saw your male co-star by your side, too close for it to be friendly.

“Maybe I should stick with you guys,” Joe said.

“Don't you want to find Y/N and congratulate her?” Ben said, who had seen her too.

“Later,” Joe waved him off. “She's probably busy talking to the press and then being praised by her co-stars.”

Ben looked at him doubtfully. “This isn’t about Even, right?”

“Who?”

Ben sighed in exasperation. “The guy that made out with her in national tv.”

“They did not make out,” Joe almost hissed. He then cleared his throat and gave Ben an innocent smile. “I will say hi. I'm not a jerk. I just want her to have her moment.”

Joe did end up saying hi to you much earlier than he expected because of course, you had to be with the people he had spent the majority of the night.

—=—

You would be lying if you didn't love the attention you were being given. All the congratulations and praises were really doing something to your ego. You probably won't be able to walk properly at the end of the night at how big it got.

Someone said your name from your left and you turned, smiling brightly when you saw that it was Rami and Lucy.

“Hi,” you said excitedly as if you hadn't seen Rami at backstage less than an hour ago. “Hi, Lucy,” you said, hugging her and letting her go to admire her dress. “You look gorgeous.”

“Oh, my God, Y/N,” she said, waving you off. “You're so kind, thank you. But look at you! You are stunning! And with that award, I've never seen you happier. Oh, and congratulations.”

While you were happy to see Rami and Lucy at the after party, you were a little disappointed that you still hadn't seen Joe. You had expected to find him easily, seeing that you had run into half of his Bohemian Rhapsody co-stars. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that he was avoiding. But why would he? The last time you spoke, you had parted in good terms (and even made an empty promise to see each other again).

“So, is Joe with you guys?” you asked, not bothering to be subtle about it.

“You haven’t seen him, yet?” Lucy frowned. “I thought you would have by now. I know he was super excited for you.”

“Well, nope, I haven’t seen him,” you said, not sure how you felt about that.

“Oh, look, there's Joe,” Lucy said, spotting him and called out his name. She had to do it a few times before she got his attention. He turned over to them, looking like a reindeer in headlights.

“I’ll leave you two,” Lucy said, giving you a quick hug and went off in the opposite direction.

“Hey there, stranger,” he said, making his way towards you. “Long time no see.”

“Joe,” you almost shouted, thrilled to see your former boyfriend and not so gently pushed some people to the side to reach Joe. Once you were at his proximity, there was a fraction of hesitation from your side, before you pulled him in a tight hug. He quickly reciprocated the action and wrapped his arms around your waist. You did your best to hug him but it was nearly impossible as you held your award.

God, you had missed him so much. You had no idea how happy you were to see him. Joe being there made the night even better.

“Congratulations,” he said to your hair making you laugh.

“Thank you,” you said and pulled away from the embrace but didn't let him go. “And congratulations to you too. Best Drama Picture and Best Actor.”

“Well, you should be congratulated Rami for the best actor...”

“Actually, I did,” you interrupted him. “When I was backstage I saw him and he was with me right now too.”

“Oh, right. But I will take Best Picture.”

“You know you shouldn't you sell yourself short. This wasn't a one man's show, it was a team effort. Without you guys, Rami wouldn't have had anything to work with. Just like Queen, every member is important and shouldn't be overlooked for the lead singer, or actor in your case.”

Joe smiled fondly at you.

“What?”

“You do realize we're arguing about an award that I didn't even win, when you, Y/N, won your first award ever? Unbelievable.”

“I know,” you said in disbelief, letting go of Joe and stared at your shiny award in wonder. “I know I would always joke that I was going win one of these one days, but I never really took it too seriously.”

“It’s like me when I would say I would go work out and never did.”

“Exactly, or like you always promised me that you were going to stop leaving your clothes on the floor of the bedroom and you never did.”

“Uh, no, I did stop doing that for like a month,” he defended himself but you weren't listening to him.

“And now, I have it and I have no clue what to do. Do you remember what I always said I would do after I one? Now that I have it, I can't remember my last name, let alone my plans of celebration.”

Joe coughed, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Um, you had a few plans that involved us, or now just you and I guess someone else during the night.”

“Ah,” you said, catching his drift. “I guess I have to celebrate by myself.” You then smiled slyly at Joe. “Unless I can convince Ben to come home with me tonight.”

Joe scoffed. “Excuse me, Ben is coming with me tonight. Get your own man.”

You missed the look of instant regret on Joe's face at his choice of words as you were looking over to where Ben was with Gwilym.

“That's too bad,” you said in faux wistfulness. “Another night alone.”

Joe laughed. “Well, not that alone. You have a shiny award to keep you warm at night. But I have some good news.”

“What more can you make my day?”

“Um, another thing was that l I always promised that if you won your first award that I would take you out for burgers,” he said lightly.

“What do you mean? You’re still doing that,” you told him. “It was a pinky promise and you said those things are sacred. Are you backing out on our sacred oath?”

“I would never do that,” he said, smiling at you. “But I bet you have other people wanting to take you out. Friends, family, co-stars, lovers.” He raised his eyebrows and proceeded to give you an exaggerated wink.

“You forgot former lovers,” you reminded him, smiling.

“Wait. Am I a former lover?” Joe gasped.

“No, you were my long term booty call that I liked to spoon with sometimes.”

“Sometimes? I'm pretty sure you're talking about someone else because I recall that someone would get vicious when I didn't spoon them every night. I can't go out in public without shirt anymore because it will expose my battle scars.”

You laughed, unable to keep the charade anymore. “Okay, whatever, Joe. But the point is you made a sacred oath with me and I expect to have it done, or else I will take your first born, that was our deal.”

“Damn, I forgot about that part. What were thinking when we did that oath?”

“I’m pretty sure we were drunk,” you recalled.

“You really want to spend time with me? An average joe?” he asked teasingly.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, burying your free hand in your face. “You know what, I don’t want to anymore. I think I know why we broke up.”

“Because you don’t have a sense of humor?”

“Because of your shitty sense of humor,” you corrected him, poking his shoulder, making him laugh.

“I recall you loving me humor, especially when we were getting it on,” Joe teased you, which made your cheeks heat up. He laughed and shook his hand. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding.”

“Oh, come on, Joe. I know we haven’t really talked lately, but I mean, I’ll always make time for you,” you said, trying not to sound pushy. You were disappointed that he didn’t seem to want to have lunch with you. Maybe that was it. All your friendliness had disappeared with all that time apart and what was left was just old memories between the two of you.

“Listen, I feel bad for taking all your time. You should go and be with your date.”

“Date?” You frowned and looked around them as if your date would appear out of thin air. “What date? I didn’t bring a date tonight. I went stag tonight. I couldn’t even get my brother to be my date.”

“Oh,” Joe said, looking confused and slightly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I just assumed, he was your date.” He pointed to Evan. “I mean, he kinda kissed you in live television.”

“Oh my God. You saw that?” you said, feeling slightly mortified. “No, way. Oh my God, I am going to get an earful from my mom and Amy. I’ve been telling them that he and I are just friends so that is not going to help.”

“Yeah,” Joe said, feeling slightly awkward. “I would find it hard to believe it too since some people don’t think to go kissing their friends.”

“But he didn’t kiss me,” you said quickly, realizing you hadn’t clarified the situation.

“Really?” Joe didn't seem to believe you but seemed to be shrugging it off as if it was no big deal. “It doesn't matter. Hell, I would’ve kissed Rami if I had been there.”

“It looked like he kissed me but he didn't. He was going to kiss my cheek but then I moved so he kissed the corner of my mouth.” You tried to laugh it off, but you cringed at how forced it was.

“Oh,” Joe said and then laughed, probably more for your expense.

“So how’s your date?” you asked jokingly, trying to move on from the weirdness you created.

“No, I didn’t bring a date,” Joe said seriously. “Just like you, I went stag.”

“No, I know that,” you said and suddenly felt stupid for making the joke in the first place. God, why were you being like this with Joe right now? It was Joe, you’ve done really stupid things in front of him and never got as tongue-tied like you were right now. “I meant, like where’s Ben, you know, your date? Cause you’re in a committed relationship with him right now?”

“Oh,” Joe said, finally getting it and laughing. “Ben, of course. No, he, unfortunately, didn’t want to be my date. He said that he felt like we needed space. Which is ridiculous. How much space does he need than when I was in Japan and he was off in Europe?”

“Well, don’t give him too much space or else you’ll end up breaking up like us,” you joked which lead to you and Joe fall in an awkward silence. Great, this was the second time you made it awkward. You shouldn’t be allowed to speak anymore.

“God, this is weird, right?” Joe said, deciding to be honest. You and Joe had always been honest with each other, even before you started dating, so why stop now?

“Yeah, it is,” you agreed, relieved that you weren’t the only one that felt like that. “Why is this weird? Like we need to keep talking or else it just gets weird. Why?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “Maybe its because it has been a while and I don't know, I guess it's expected for exes to not get along as well as we do. I mean, should we start fighting? Should I point out all the things annoyed me of you when we were together?”

“I really don't think that's going to make things better,” you said, frowning but then laughed. “Although you now peaked my interest on your last sentence. What did you find annoying about me?”

Joe looked like he regretted talking, and not so smoothly said, “How beautiful you were when you woke up in the morning. It just annoyed me because I looked like an insane person with hair all over the place while you looked red carpet ready. Honestly, it wasn't fair.”

“Mhm,” you humored him. “Poor you having to deal with me.”

“The things we do when we’re in love,” he said dramatically.

“Yeah,” you said sadly. “The very stupid things we do when we’re in love.”

That time when you fell silent, it wasn’t awkward. It was bittersweet. You had no idea what Joe was thinking, he wore a deep look of concentration and when you were about to say something, he spoke first.

“Screw being bitter exes,” he said. “I like this thing we have. And if we’re awkward at times? That’s fine. Better that than us hating each other.”

“Yeah, no, I mean, yes, I agree,” you said enthusiastically.

“Great, so are you free tomorrow around one o’clock?”

“Um, I think so,” you said, thinking of any plans that you had for the next day. “Yes, yes I am free.”

“Great. I happen to owe you a cheeseburger with avocado and I would like to cash it in tomorrow.”

You laughed and nodded. “Great, then it's a date.”

Joe knew you mean it platonically but he felt a little pleasure of hearing you say that. Didn’t matter if was just you two getting together for a celebratory burger, there was no denying you two had really missed each other.

For the rest of the night, you two didn’t interact, both occupied with your group of friends, but that was alright. You were going to see each other the next day and hopefully, things wouldn’t be as awkward as it was tonight and it wouldn’t be long for you two to get back in your old rhythm.

Like Joe had learned a long time ago, you never really knew what to expect when it came to love and relationships.

[katecarteir]

L.A Devotee | Chapter 4

“God, these movies get worse every year,” Kay laughed, taking a hit off of the joint that Beverly handed her before easily handing it back. Eddie stared at them, gape mouthed, then turned to Richie with wide eyes. A look of concern seemed to settle over Eddie’s face, him mouthing “are you okay?” and Richie frowned.

“If these movies are so terrible,” Richie said, patting his hands onto his knees. “Then we can watch something else. Please. I beg you.”

[or: child actor Richie Tozier was raised in The Industry, he knows how to play the game. He knows exactly how to keep his head down, and make his way through the famous life without attracting any extra drama. Until his management branch takes an up incoming band under their wing, and enlist Richie to publicly date the lead singer, and that all falls to shit.]

Richie whistled as he came into the apartment, happily swinging his keys around on his fingers, then slowed to a stop as he looked around the group of people in his living room. His eyes moved throughout them all, Audra and Kay both perched on either side of Richie’s favourite armchair. Mike from Eddie’s band was seated within the chair, while the rest of the group were laying across their couch. Well, Eddie was laying while both Stan and Ben were sitting perfectly acceptably. a

“Uh… hello people who don’t live here,” Richie said, with a raise of his eyebrow. He turned to Audra, jerking his head slightly to the side and pursed his lips.

Audra smirked happily up at him. “You know what today is, don’t you?”

Richie’s brain stalled, eyes narrowing. “It’s May 5th… Oh no.”

Audra gave him a thick, Cheshire cat grin. Every year on the anniversary of their shows’ premiere, the network did a huge marathon of episodes for the entire day. A full 24 hours. They always started on the pilot, and always made it to the exact spot in season two every goddamn year. Richie knew it was because the cast- as it included himself and Audra- was easily one of the most popular programs they’d had for this generation, with some of the most successful cast. Audra, Kay and Beverly all insisted they watch it every year for the quote nostalgia. Richie forgot about it every single year, and was painfully ambushed every. Single. Year. He’d never been this caught off guard, however.

“Are we still doing this?” Richie asked Audra in a bored tone.

“Are you kidding?” Kay cackled. Eddie was eyeing her suspiciously, clearly never having seen her outside of her work personality before. “You’re nominated for an Oscar, Richie. They’re going to milk starting your career for all that it’s worth.”

Richie rolled his eyes, grabbing a handful of the sour cream chips on the coffee table. Eddie gave him a disgusted look. “I thought Audra was kidding when she said those were your favourites, but I guess you do just have terrible taste.”

“Not sure what you’re surprised about, Kaspbrak.” Richie said cheekily, wedging himself in between Ben and Eddie on the couch. “You’re constantly harping on about my terrible taste. Why are you suddenly so surprised?”

Eddie made an annoyed, grumbling noise and rolled his eyes towards Ben. Ben just smiled pleasantly, but there was some sort of interested amusement behind his eyes. Richie made a point to squirm between the two of them as the movies began to kick start, until Eddie’s hand came down and slammed onto Richie’s upper thigh. He squeezed, digging his nails into muscle. Richie let out a small squeak.

“Stop fucking moving,” Eddie hissed, narrowing his eyebrow threateningly. “Or I will you cut you off at the waist and you’ll never act again.”

“Bold of you to assume I enjoy acting,” Richie said, words falling from his mouth without really thinking about it. There was something about this Kaspbrak kid that made him blurt out his much more inner thoughts that rarely let see the light of day.

Eddie wrinkled his brow, seeming to lean a little bit closer into Richie’s space. Just as Richie was getting ready to launch himself off the couch and a find a place to sit, much further away from Eddie, Audra let out a shout about the a certain scene that she always got excited about. Eddie pulled away from Richie’s space, but his hand stayed resting on Richie’s thigh. No longer squeezing, or with blunt nails digging into muscles, but simply resting there.

Richie’s body felt way too hot, and tried to focus on the romantic scene unfolding between himself and Audra’s characters on screen. It was weird to look at them, playing love interests when they’d barely known each other. Richie had still had such high expectations of fame back then, head full of stories of people falling in love with co-stars and living happily ever after. He’d been half-obsessed with Audra Phillips for half a year before he came to his senses. He may make movies for a living, but his life wasn’t a movie.

“God, these movies get worse every year,” Kay laughed, taking a hit off of the joint that Beverly handed her before easily handing it back. Eddie stared at them, gape mouthed, then turned to Richie with wide eyes. A look of concern seemed to settle over Eddie’s face, him mouthing “are you okay?” and Richie frowned.

“If these movies are so terrible,” Richie said, patting his hands onto his knees. “Then we can watch something else. Please. I beg you.”

“It’s a tradition, Tozier!” Audra cried, the joint now settling between her fingers as she giggled slightly.

“Traditions are meant to be broken.” Richie challenged, pointing at her. “Besides, it’s not a tradition for everybody here. They shouldn’t have to suffer through this crap.”

“I’m actually enjoying it,” Stan pitched in, shooting Richie a grin. “It’s nice to remember how terrible quality everything was when we were young.”

Ben let out a soft sigh. “I’ve always loved these movies. I remember being so disappointed when I found out Richie and Audra weren’t dating in real life.”

“Gross,” Richie and Audra both laughed in unison. The light, mostly carefree moment just cut through by the sound of Britney Spears’ Overprotected ringing through the room. Eddie let out a soft groan and pull his phone out of his jean pocket.

“You don’t have to answer it.” Stan stared at Eddie with serious eyes and a firm set frown.

Eddie frowned down at still ringing device. “She won’t stop until I do. Sorry guys.” Eddie stood up and looked towards Richie. “Where’s your room?”

“Last on the left.” Richie replied, clearing his throat awkwardly. Eddie nodded a little cruelty and disappeared down the hall. Richie heard his bedroom door come closed, and they could hear Eddie’s muffled voice as he answered the phone.

The others tried to keep a steady conversation going over the sound of Eddie’s phone call, but Eddie’s voice got louder and louder until they heard a very distinct, Fuck you!, followed by a thump. Richie swallowed at the rough feeling of unease that was settled in his chest now, standing up slowly.

“I’m going to go make sure he isn’t breaking any of my stuff.” Richie said softly, standing up and squeezing out of the living room full of people. He caught Stan’s eye as he walked past, not enjoying how Stan smirked at him.

He considered knocking on the door, before realizing it was a little stupid to knock on his own bedroom door and then let himself in. Eddie was sitting on the edge of Richie’s bed, staring at the iPhone resting at his feet. He didn’t look up as Richie came in.

“Hey, buddy,” Richie said lightly, moving to sit beside him. “How ya doin?”

“It was my mom.” Eddie offered up the information without being asked. Richie raised his brow and let Eddie carry on. “She just fucking… refuses to accept that I’m doing this. Keeps asking when I’m going to give this up, to come home. Always saying that I won’t make it, that I’m wasting so much money and time and that it won’t work out. It’s so… fucking irritating.”

“Yeah, parents are like that.” Richie said with a sigh. “If it means anything at all, Eddie, I think you’re doing a pretty great job. Don’t worry about what your mom thinks. You can do this shit. It’s not as hard as it sounds, you’re already more than halfway there. Prove her wrong.”

Eddie moved slightly, looking carefully at Richie’s face. Richie, in turn, was looking at Eddie wearing the clothes he’d picked out for him. Even though he didn’t need to be, he wasn’t doing anything today. He was just… wearing them.

He realized then that Eddie’s face was very close to his. “How long do you think they’re going to make us keep dating?” Eddie asked, voice barely a more than a whisper.

“Uhm.” Richie licked his bottom lip. “Probably until after your album drops. Maybe once you guys go on your first tour. That’ll be an easy way to set up a break up. Travelling and shit.”

Eddie’s hand came up to cup at Richie’s cheek, thumb stroking at his cheekbone. “So it’ll just me and you for a while then… Don’t you think we should make the most of it?”

“Eddie…” Richie breathed out but Eddie seemed to push right through his words, sealing their lips together. He leaned right into Richie’s space, letting their chest press together as he dragged his hands up from Richie’s cheeks to tangle in his hair.

Richie brought an arm around Eddie’s waist, pulling him closer and taking a moment to soak up the touch. He barely remember the last time he’d been with somebody like this, and his body screamed with excitement.

He pulled his mouth back, pressing his nose into Eddie’s cheek. He fluttered his eyes closed. “Are you sure about this, Kaspbrak?” Richie breathed out. “There’s no going back from this. This is the line.”

Eddie chuckled, Richie able to feel it against his cheek. “Dude… we’re not going to be sleeping with anybody else any time soon and you’re hot.. In a way, disaster sort of way.” Eddie pressed wet, open mouthed kisses to Richie’s cheek. “So. Are you going to fuck me or not?”

Richie squeezed Eddie’s hips and pushed him back against the mattress. Eddie’s hair fanned out over the dark comforter and Richie nipped at his bottom lip. Eddie sighed happily and rocked his hips up against Richie’s thigh. “As you wish, Eds.”

Eddie shook his head, pulling apart Richie’s shirt and tossing it towards the floor. “I’ve wanted this since that night at the bar.”

Richie waggled his eyebrows as he could Eddie’s shirt off in return. “I know,” He replied honestly. Eddie gave him an annoyed look, but Richie leaned down to run his tongue along Eddie’s chest and annoyance seeped out of him. Eddie moaned as Richie used his teeth to pull on Eddie’s trail. “Fuck…” Eddie moaned as Richie started to palm at his dick through his jeans. “Richie.”

“I knew you’d look fucking amazing in these jeans, Eds,” Richie breathed, not even entirely sure if he was speaking to Eddie in truth just letting those words hit the universe and be true. “So fucking good, these thighs… I could suffocate in them.”

Eddie kicked his legs. “Take them off, genius. Everything looks better underneath.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it.” Richie shifted onto his knees as he pulled Eddie’s belt and zipper open, dragging the jeans down Eddie’s legs. He left his briefs in place, leaning down to press soft kisses Eddie’s cock through the fabric.

Eddie whimpered, pulling at Richie’s curls. “Fuck, Richie. Fuck. Blow me please!”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Richie was being overly arrogant and he knew it, but it made Eddie whine and buck his hips so he wasn’t worrying about it too much. “But I thought you wanted me to fuck you?”

Eddie yanked on Richie’s curls. “Just make me come, jackass!”

Richie chuckled, and pulling Eddie free from his briefs. Licking at head, Richie let his eyes flutter closed and get lost in the moment. Eddie was quickly riding into his mouth, moaning and whimpering above him, and Richie was sure that he was going to come right in his pants like some idiot.

He pulled off Eddie’s cock, massaging at his balls as he used his second hand to pull his own pants open. He began to stroke at his own cock as he leaned back down to take Eddie into his mouth. Eddie began quickly bucking into his mouth, prompting Richie to groan around him.

“Fuck… fuck… fuck….” Eddie’s thighs were trembling around Richie’s head and he could feel Eddie’s stomach caving in with every breath he took. Richie knew it was coming even if Eddie didn’t warn him. He moaned as Eddie released into his mouth, the feeling ripping an orgasm from Richie’s overly excited body.  

When Eddie whimpered from overstimulation, Richie pulled back and whipped at his mouth with the back of his hand. Eddie stared at him with wide eyes. “Oh my God, did you swallow that?”

Richie blinked at him blankly. “I mean… you didn’t give me make of a choice there, Edward.”

Eddie flushed deeply and glanced towards the door to Richie’s bedroom. “Do you think they heard us?”

“You weren’t exactly quiet.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. Just like that.”

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 40

“Mrs. De Robiano D'Arcy, I can see where Harper Coco gets her good looks from” Really? He had to go there? She looked nothing like her mother, or her father for that matter, stop sucking up to them, I know you're trying to be nice and diplomatic here, but this is ridiculous. But his good intentions definitely seemed to work, they were obviously charmed by him, with him they could look right through the 'artistic and unusual' long hair..so that was why he had dressed so smart..just to try and score some good points, stupid ass!. Jared took a step back from the warm greeting he had given to her mother and turned, uh-oh..she looked like she was about to unleash a hurricane, she and her father just stood there staring each other down, looks of dissaproval and pure hate shot back and forth. “Shall we?” Jared tried to lighten the mood, inviting them all to sit down, her father courteously pulled back his wife's chair but when Jared tried to do the same for Harper, he was met by eyes full of venom and she simply swatted at his hands and pulled back her own chair before she plopped down. It was an act of rebellion that was of course met by another dissaproving stare from her parents, under the table Jared tried to reach for her hand but she quickly pulled it away and leaned back in her chair, talk to me, look at me, I don't care what you do, just don't ignore me Harper, please! I'm doing this for you. “So, Mr. Leto, you are an actor?” her father picked up the conversation “call me Jared, please! And yes I act but I also have a band..with my brother, we've just embarked on a world tour actually”.  I need to get away from here, what the hell is this fuckery? Look at me, just fuckin' look at me, talk to me and stop pretending I'm not even here, “I see..you will have to forgive me, Mr. Leto..oh sorry, Jared of course” her Dad gave him a sugary smile “but I googled your name last night and I saw that you even won an Oscar?”. What?? she couldn't take this any longer, threw her napkin on the table and got up “excuse me”, stomping off without even looking at them, because if she did, then she would surely burst out into tears. “Harper?..Coco? Wait!” half way across the lobby he tried to stop her, “let go of me” she yanked her arm, “Coco, stop!” but he was stronger than her and grabbed both her arms. “What's wrong?” oh he didn't know? “nothing, go back to your new found friends, you're getting on like a house on fire” she snapped, “Harper, darling, I'm doing this for you..I'm trying..and I need you to try as well”.

One pair of eyes full of hurt and disappointment met the other pair of eyes filled with a mix of fear and hope, “come on, please, we're all here now..”, no, I don't want to, I'm still shaking just seeing my Dad again, everything just comes flooding back and it's taking my breath away. “Come” he whispered and slowly started pulling her back to the dining room “it'll be ok, I promise” he tried to reassure her, “I don't know” he felt her hand tremble in his as he guided her back to the table where her parents were shooting her more disapproving looks. Food was put on the table as they sat down again, temperature below zero, this was gonna be a looooonnnggg morning.

”Harper?! Will you stop?! Hey, I'm talking to you!” for the second time today he was chasing after her after she had stomped off in a blazing fury again. “Yes!” she stopped dead in her tracks “yes, you're actually talking to me now, lucky me” she huffed and continued on her furious way back to their room, followed by him with his heart hammering in his throat. “What the hell did I do? I don't get it” he didn't want to but he couldn't help raise his voice at her, “nothing, you clearly don't understand” there was a despair and an anger in her voice that he had never heard before, they had a few squabbles before but never anything serious, but she was seething with anger, their first official fight, it hadn't even properly started and already he was scared senseless about what was to follow and the seriousness of it. “Explain it to me then!” he kicked the door shut with his foot “what did I do? What the fuck did I do?” he yelled, while watching her grab a bag, whoaa, wait a minute, “They didn't talk to me, my father didn't even fuckin' look at me” she was shaking like a leaf when she stopped for a second with what she was doing. “And that is my fault, because?” things were escalating rapidly, “what?!!? so now you're on their side? Figures, 'oh Jared, you won an oscar' and 'you are such a talented man, Jared' ” she nearly puked repeating her parents' words “they disown me, they cut me off financially, emotionally, just because I wanted a career in painting, but hey they're about to adopt you exactly because they admire your artistic career?” she shouted, losing control every second. “For fuck's sakes, Harper, I have my career and I've worked very hard to get where I am, so basically I have to suffer and be ashamed for having a succesful career, just because  you're jealous? You're jealous because you don't even have career, you don't have the tiniest glimmer of chance at a career, goddammit!” the second he said it, he regretted it. All colour drained from her face, her lips formed a silent 'O' like a fish out of water, gasping for air, no don't react, don't say a word, don't give him that satisfaction, this is wrong, all wrong, this was a mistake, her heart hurt so much, it felt like it would explode, the man she had trusted with her life..with her heart, was handing it back to her, ripped to shreds on a platter. He didn't believe in her, he had just told her she sucked at the only thing she loved doing with body, mind and soul..just like she had been told all her life, first her parents, and now him. Pulling most of her clothes into her bag with one swipe of her arm, she zipped it up with one angry yank, “Harper, what are you doing?” his mouth went dry, no, no, no, stay here, I'm sorry, just stay here, stay with me. “I'm leaving..I can't deal with all this shit any longer, I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in me, not my parents, and not you as you've clearly got your heart set on making a bloody idiot out of me, and I think I've given you more than enough ammo to do so, and that was the dumbest mistake I've ever made..no more, Jared” she spat and dangerously raised her index finger at him, her voice completely hoarse. “No..Harper” an iron fist of fear clamped around his vocal chords, no, no, he walked up to her, locking his hand around her wrist, but she spun around “LET..GO!” she hissed like a cat “you let go of me and you forget all about me and my stupid paintings, and forget I've even existed which won't be so hard to do for you, more than choice enough waiting to throw themselves at your feet” her voice was going from horse to completely gone at an alarming speed, and she left, her heart under her arm.

The argument at the table with her parents, or better the monologue she held right before she stormed out, they didn't even look at her, they just sat there completely ignoring her, Jared who sat there too clearly ashamed of her, him mocking her work, it was too much, too much. Her phone bleeped incessantly, but it didn't matter, it didn't matter anymore, “Flight UA5987 to New York JFK, boarding in half an hour, terminal D, gate 18” the man behind the desk handed her the boarding card, this was a rash decision..no, it wasn't, she needed to get out of here, far away from the memories, old and new, done, another painful lesson learned. PICK UP YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!!!! he threw his own across the room with a deafening yell, where was she? I'm not gonna sleep on it, I'm not gonna let this escalate, me and my fuckin' big mouth, how could I be such a goddamn prick? This is not the end, no, this was just a row, keep telling yourself that, you've hurt her in the most disgusting way, you insulted her wonderful, raw talent in the cruelest way.

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: FORGIVE ME!

Darling,

it's all I can ask, that you forgive me, I honestly didn't mean it, surely we can talk about it?

You're the love of my life, believe that, and believe that I do believe in you and admire you.

I miss you so much it hurts..

your (heartbroken) Jay

10 hours later, there she was, in the middle of New York, looking up at the tall building in front of her, damn this jetlag was crippling, just go inside, you're cold and sleep deprived and you can't think straight. 'Beep' her heart jumped in her throat as her trembling, cold fingers unlocked her phone, tears unabashedly streaming down her face, you're sorry now? You stupid fuck! I thought you were the one, I finally gave in to thinking that I too deserved happiness and that I had finally found a real man, my man... The cold wind nearly turned her tears to ice, she quickly wiped them away with a heartfelt curse and pushed the key in the lock, up the stairs, push away the thought that he had been here too, don't think about those beautiful moments because they never existed, he wasn't real. The door creaked a little and she stomped inside the loft where she was met by the familiar scent of paint and thinner, she dropped her bag and walked up to the wall, there it was, her painting that had started this whole mess, he was right, it was absolutely ghastly, not an inch or smidge of talent visible. Jared.Sean..her parents, a devilish trinity..she kicked the canvas so hard it almost toppled over and she lost her balance, sinking to her knees to end up curled into a ball on the cold, hard concrete, crying her heart out, let me die, just let me die right here, right now, I'm ready.

”What do you mean, you can't do it? You can't play this show? Jared, you haven't got a choice, there's a sold-out venue waiting for you, they're all there!” Shannon yelled nervously at his brother. He looked a mess, bloodshot eyes, his hair carelessly pulled into a messy bun, slippers on his feet, trackpants, what the fuck was going on? He had been gone for three quarter of a day, hiking with Stevie only to come back to this, his brother a mess and Coco..nowhere to be seen. “Where's Harper? You two had a fight or something?” Jared's head shot up finally, “she's gone...she's gone!” and pushed back against Shannon. “What do you mean she's gone? You two had a fight?!..look, she just needs to blow off steam probably, have you called her?” Shannon didn't know what to say, and he didn't care, all that mattered was getting his brother on stage, he would care about his brother's lovelife later. “SHE WON'T PICK UP HER FUCKING PHONE”  he yelled, the vein under his eye dangerously close to popping while he started kicking the wall so hard with his foot he was sure he was gonna break it. “Hey! Jared, stop! Ok stop!” he grabbed his brother's shirt and shook him like he wanted to shake some sense into him, “she'll be back, alright? Stop worrying, it's a stupid fight, it's not the end of the world, she's just headstrong and needs to get things out of her system, you know what she's like..she walked off before, right?”. Jared's head carefully lifted, a gleam of hope in his eyes, ok keep going, this is going in the right direction, the direction of the stage “She'll be back, I promise, for all you know, she's standing in the crowd right now just to piss you off and surprise you later on”. Thousand of miles on the other side of the ocean, a young woman had trouble breathing, she didn't feel the cold that was slowly crippling her whole body, anymore, nothing mattered, nothingnothingnothing, just cover me in darkness.

[admittedlynotspartacus]

“Game of Thrones” Season VIII: Episode 1 - Eighth Verse, Same as the First

All right you sons of bitches, here we motherfucking go. The last six episodes. I want to see you wrapping yourselves up in fur, hopping on your nearest dragon, and shaking your asses... because winter? She’s here.

WARNING: Spoilers for the latest episode below, so if you haven’t seen it and don’t know yet who dies, who fucks who, and just how many times Bran was creeping in his wheelchair, turn back now.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so after the credits are like -

we see this rando little boy running around and we’re kinda like, “Little Boy, what the fuck are you up to?” And he’s like -

And it’s kinda like “Okay, little boy, chill the fuck out because D-Baby and J’Snow are COMING. TO. TOWN.” So they’re strutting in like -

And Arya’s watching like -

but also a little like -

And meanwhile during all this, Barack and Michelle are looking around all -

Anyway, the whole thing is like kinda gorgeous and super nostalgic but like in a good way and we’re kinda like, “This might actually just be really fucking great.” But then D&D are like, “Boy, do we have a fucking treat for you guys, ‘cause the first line of the season? Yeah, it’s gonna be a joke about how Varys doesn’t have a dick!”

And what’s more constant on Game of Thrones than dick jokes? No, aside from gratuitous nudity. No, also aside from sexual violence against women. Yes, that’s right. Dragons. The lone survivors come flying over Winterfell, and Arya’s like -

while Sansa is all -

Truly not having it. Okay, so finally J-Snow winds up in the Winterfell courtyard and we see somebody creeping in the corner of the frame like -

SURPRISE! IT’S BRAN! And J-Snow’s all, “Yo little bro, it’s so crazy to see you. You’re totally a grown ass man now.” And Bran is all -

And we’re like, “Cool, so he’s like TOTALLY just a fucking meme now, got it.” 

Meanwhile, tensions are HIGH inside the Meeting Hall when Lady Sophia Grace reads. J-Snow. To. Filth.

And so it’s like drama, drama, drama, but like none of it ultimately matters because guess who’s fucking back with like a REAL White Supremacist haircut?

That’s right. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. And also minorities, because... that haircut is a little concerning.

He’s basically like, “Gotta have more coal, gotta have more coal,” while P-Dinky and Sansa have That Awkward Remember When We Got Married talk and Bran watches from the courtyard like -

Then for Reunion #5,765 we’ve got Arya and J-Snow. Arya is all, “You used to be taller,” and J-Snow is like, “You used to seem less like a sociopath.” 

Anyway, they bond over Arya’s sword and he’s like, “Have you ever used it?” And she’s just like -

And then J-Snow is like, ‘Look at us, we have swords, we have so much in common, also ISN’T SANSA A BITCH?” And Arya’s just like -

KING’S LANDING

So Cersei is literally dressed like this.

when Uncle Freddie Mercury struts into the Throne Room, and this time he’s brought Jon Bon Jovi along for the ride.

HEY, GURL! So Cersei’s pretty stoked that she has Bon Jovi’s army, but also a little bit like -

Meanwhile, Uncle Freddie’s just got one thing on his mind.

And after putting up a little bit of a fight, Cersei is just like -

And then we just cut to Bronn Piece of Fucking Shit in the middle of this -

when Maester Frankenstein bursts in all -

So the Boob Ladies have gotta go, but not before one of the craziest things ever to happen on this show goes down. First one of the Ladies goes to Maester Frankenstein all -

And then he literally says, “Poor girl. The pox will take her within the year.”

Yeah, glad we’re spending time on this. Anyway, I guess Cersei like... wants Bronn to kill Jaime and P-Dinky. Sure. Next.

Cersei is post-coital and all she can think about is -

While Uncle Freddie is just like, “Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,” and she’s just like -

Meanwhile, outside on Uncle Freddie’s ship, all the guards are suddenly like -

except legit one of them already has a fucked-up eye before he gets shot. I’m not even kidding, check it back... so I guess, no harm no foul? Anyway, it turns out it’s Theon rescuing his sister. And clearly we’re supposed to all be like -

But instead it’s kinda like -

Like. So easy that they steal a bunch of Uncle Freddie’s ships. Again. Like, Freddie. Get on your shit.

WINTERFELL

Back here, Varys is singing my favorite Harry Styles song.

While D-Baby and J-Snow are running around like -

Like truly has there ever been a piece of entertainment so sure we are invested in a couple and so wrong as Thrones is with these two?

But gird your loins, people because D-Baby is like “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta RIDE MY FUCKING DRAGON.” So J-Snow is like -

and then it just turns into this -

meets this -

Because when your lead actors don’t have chemistry, it’s best to surround them with CGI gobbledegook and then make them say the most fuckboy of fuckboy things ever. J-Snow: It’s cold up here for a southern girl. D-Baby: So keep your queen warm.

Anyway, back to the real show.

Much better. So it’s time for the second leg of the Arya Reunion Tour. We’ve got the Hound. We’ve got Gendry. And the Hound is all, “You left me for dead.” And Arya’s all, “Nuh-uh, first I stole that PAPER.” And the Hound is like -

“Peace.” So then it’s just Gendry and Arya. And Gendry’s all, “Gurl you look GOOD.” And Arya’s like, “Yo I hate being called milady except when it’s YOU ON THE OTHER END.” And I’m literally like SALIVATING for these two to just BONE already.

But first Arya shows him some shitty drawing and is like, “Can you make this?” And he’s like -

So then we get to what winds up being the best part of the episode, which is the only time that term can be applied to anything relating to Samwell Tarly. I know, I’m just as surprised as you. So D-Baby struts in to see him and she’s all, “You’re the man.” 

And she’s like, “Sure. I mean the man who healed Ser Jorah! THANKS FOR THAT!”

“Oh, also, by the way. I literally burnt your father alive.” And Sam’s all -

But then he’s like, “Wait, but now I can move back in with my brother!”

And she’s like, “Okay so I burnt him alive as well.”

So Sam’s like -

So he’s having a bad day, right? Like it’s horrible enough that he has to deal with this shit, and when he goes outside he almost gets hit by a fucking wagon, but the worst of the worst is that he winds up running straight into -

And it’s like BRAN! WHY HAVE YOU BECOME THE WEIRD WALDORF KID WHO CUTS HIS OWN HAIR AND LISTENS TO WAY TOO MUCH COLDPLAY?!?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST SITTING HERE?!?!

Ugh, whatever. So he’s like, “Sam. It’s time to tell Jon the truth.” And Sam’s like, “Oh, bitch, you bet it fucking is.” So he storms down to J-Snow and tells him the two words he needs to hear most.

THE LAST HEARTH

So Ginger Wildling and Eyepatch Dude somehow survived the Wall falling.

And they’re wandering around this place we’ve never been before all -

When suddenly they run into a bunch of Night’s Watch people and That Night’s Watch Dude Who’s Been Around forever shouts the thing I thought all Oscar season about Bradley Cooper -

“STAY BACK! HE’S GOT BLUE EYES!”

But then everybody chills the fuck out and they go into this room where this little dead boy is the centerpiece of some bizarre art installation by the Night Queen.

And they’re like, “Notice the use of light” when suddenly the dead little boy is like -

and they’re like -

Which makes for Child Burning #2 on this show. So that’s good.

WINTERFELL

Okay, so then we’ve got Mysterious Hooded Figure approaching the castle. And I’m like... “Melisandre?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Littlefinger?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like... “Beyonce?!?” And the show’s like...

And I’m like -

Until he looks over. And who else should he see but -

This fucking kid.

BOOB COUNT: 3 pairs BODY COUNT: 1 (RIP Ned Umber, whoever the fuck you are) EPISODE GRADE: B-

Okay, so this spot used to be reserved for SER POUNCE’S STRAY THOUGHTS, but then D&D announced Ser Pounce is dead because they’re cruel bastards. So I announce the installation of:

THE SER POUNCE MEMORIAL FOR STRAY THOUGHTS

I was one hundred percent down with the echoes of the pilot episode - Arya clocking the little boy watching the procession just as she had, the scoring. I typically hate when movies or shows repeat earlier stuff in their home stretches, but this was well-done and satisfying nostalgia porn.

Why do we continue these ball jokes? Does anybody genuinely think they’re funny anymore? ANSWER ME!!!

There’s a long linger on Bran’s first look at Daenerys. I suppose this could be because he knows she’s Jon’s aunt, but maybe he knows something else in her future. But also who gives a fuck, Bran’s nuts.

Okay, so this Tyrion trusting Cersei shit - there’s gotta be something going on here, because I don’t believe for a second Tyrion would believe she’d actually come unless he, as suspected, struck some kind of deal with her. He says, “She has something to live for now,” which ties back to the moment we cut away from their scene last year. Could he have made some sort of deal about the baby? As in he will fight for the Lannister lineage? I don’t know what this means yet, but I will justify hardcore when the show starts making Tyrion look like a fucking dumbass.

It’s so frustrating that Jon is right - everybody does need to work together - and yet he seems to not accept that it’s completely valid that people should be challenging his leadership tactics after botching two military operations the last two seasons. I’m so over him.

Harry Strickland’s entrance with 6 episodes left feels suspect. Let us not forget that in the books there is the other Aegon who is represented by the Golden Company. We don’t know where that plotline is going, but it’s very possible Strickland is this character incognito, and that he will ultimately be the one to kill Cersei. He has only a few moments in this episode, but his looks at Cersei and the Red Keep are quite loaded.

I hate no character more than Bronn and I am also certain no character will survive more than Bronn.

Moments like the elephant shit turn these characters into campy weirdos that make me wonder if D&D even like these people at all.

I suppose I’m mildly interested in the fact that Cersei has so alienated herself from everyone that she has to turn to Euron for the tiniest bit of comfort. But then I remember that Euron is one of the most lazily-written villains ever and I stop caring.

Boy, the buildup for the Theon rescue mission was so great and boy, the payoff was lousy.

“I don’t know how to ride a dragon.” “Nobody does, until they ride a dragon.” Television writing - so easy a fourth grader could do it.

Dragon doesn’t like Jon kissing Daenerys. Does dragon want to fuck Daenerys?

As much as Sansa is calling Jon on the carpet about his allegiance with Daenerys and his seeming ineptitude at leading, she has even more grounds to be pissed off than she’s showing here. I’m hopeful that we are meant to side with her and that it isn’t the show just giving Jon another free pass for being the de facto “hero” of the show.

And the MVP of the episode shockingly goes to John Bradley, who is heartbreaking in his scene with Daenerys. Moreover, combining the Targaryen reveal to Jon with the notion that Jon may be turning a blind eye to Daenerys’ more psychopathic tendencies sets up a really interesting conflict that hopefully the rest of the season cashes in on. And having it come from the one person Jon knows wouldn’t lie to him made it all the more powerful.

“My father was the most honorable man I ever met” - the words of denial

“You gave up your crown to save your people. Would she do the same?”

So obviously the Bran stuff is just a fucking lost cause at this point. But even I will admit the symmetry of the ending with Jaime took me by surprise and gave me chills. I’m not a monster.

NEXT WEEK: Jaime’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

[annashipper]

Megapost 2 - 31st of August 2018

Nonny Nr. 1:   Clockwork (LOL)! Pissed, sour, arrogant and looking preggo. I'm really about to give up, not on skeptics but on trying to find him excuses. He really looks more and more complicit of this shit.

Anna:  Oh, I’m way past finding Ben excuses.  As I’ve said countless times before, I firmly believe he’s been on the steering wheel since March of 2016  :o)

*

Nonny Nr. 2:   Can I say this is getting boring? If he's so careful to keep his private life private, why on Earth bringing his visibly pregnant wife with him? They could easily keep the pregnancy hidden and simply announce the baby's birth... unless, of course, he needs the extra-attention for his career well-being. YAWN.

Anna:  His “demure”, “pregnant” wife who recently hurt her foot, but endures it all because she’s a trooper Nonny.   There’s a reason he was calling her heroic two years back   ;o)

*

Nonny Nr. 3:   I dare them to go for pregnancy number 4, 5, and 6 in her forties because that’s really common. *sarcasm She’s also got the triangular belly back! And wasn’t her belly hardly noticeable on the recent fortune IG pix?

Anna:  The more pregnancies we get to document whenever Ben has a project that’s being released on cinemas and needs a boost in publicity, the more realistic said pregnancies look Nonny.

Especially considering the pictures we got on the 24th of June with Weirdo looking like she’d drunk an extra cup of tea, then the pics we got of her from her friend’s private instagram account this week, where she looks like she’s drunk the same extra cup of tea again, and the triangular belly of much smooshiness and popped bellybutton we got yesterday.

So realistic, much inconsistent.

*

Nonny Nr. 4:  "has a kids movie to promote shortly and BOOM, there she is, preggers"--No. I'm not sure what the reasoning is for this one or the 2nd one, but this isn't for The Grinch. That doesn't make sense. Way too early plus the focus audience will not care. Neither the 2nd or 3rd pregnancies occured at a time where the pregnancy would be useful to the promo at hand, and you get less attention after the 1st one to boot. TL DR there's nothing for this to sell.

Anna:  I don’t think it’s too early Nonny.  We’re about a fortnight away from the Emmys, so it’s perfect timing to get people to start paying attention for a big reveal at the Emmys red carpet.  That would ensure Ben some free publicity and cute family-friendly topics of conversation for The Grinch promo tour, which should start about a fortnight after the Emmys (the movie’s being released in the US on the 8th of November).

Perfect timing I would say   ;o)

*

Nonny Nr. 5:   You’re right you really CAN set a watch to these times pregnancies can’t you. Literally every. Single. Time. It’s the beginning of Promotion his happens, even if we have them running to the gym a couple weeks ago w her slim as a rail. My god

Anna:  It’s a shame that Ben didn’t have any movies to promote for theatre release last year Nonny.  A missed opportunity to add to the CumberBatch of boys if I ever saw one...

*

@jazziesb:   BC’s got a lot of serious issues in his life, now a third fake kid. It makes me sometimes really annoyed that BC keeps pretending to have kids who don’t exist and that SH wears her fake belly again. From what we saw in their interactions and behaviour towards each other SH can never really be pg, and I find it almost impossible for them to have had any kind of intercourse that would have produced real kids. All that makes me run up the wall sometimes. How can they be so stupid to think they can get away with it for even more years? Why does nobody publish these lies and make them all come out for people to see? Hollywood is full of fake relationships, but not many of them lasted this long.

Anna:  I disagree with most of your observations @jazziesb, except for the “Weirdo could never have been pregnant” part.

*

@mysticalmaniac:  I called it, I really did call it when I saw the "work-out" top that was wrinkled above the waist, but stretched taut across her abdomen. Then there's the twitter video from last night? That was the Oscar bump if I'm not mistaken. I don't know why there's a kerfuffle about this, this is going to be very entertaining. We've already got the wine glass JUST LIKE the first fake, aw, she's such a silly sow, she doesn't learn (or she does it to wipe it in the faces of his fans/nans). Pop the popcorn.

Anna:  I don’t see any kerfuffle @mysticalmaniac, but I do see the pop corn, and it’s staring right back at me  ;o)

*

Fat Nosed Anon:   🙄💤 colour me surprised, Anna. What shocked me more is that it's been almost two years since the last time they shared a growing bump (or 'bump') with the world. Time flies and I still haven't won the lottery despite playing :o/ (should choose :o/ FNA as the fat noses seem to be more in fashion that I'd thought). Good job that somebody 'leaked ' the privately private so very maternal pictures in advance :o) As the weekend is getting closer, have a great one!

Anna:  Colour me unimpressed Fat Nosed Anon   ;o)

Have a wonderful weekend!  I’m starting it with a bang, since I’m going out with a group of friends for drinks tonight, and then I’m planning to go for a swim at least once this weekend, cause the heat is unbearable again on my side of the screen.

*

JT Anon:   Personally I’ll never stop laughing over her slim enviable figure from a few weeks ago to this but hey clockwork like you said

Anna:  If you’re looking for realism and consistency, you’ve tuned into the wrong showmance JT  :P

*

Mom Anon:   On gettyimages, there is NO pic of them at all so far. I think Ben should really have gone to the Jaegre LeCoultre RC, if he remains invisible for the main stream, he might as well have stayed home.

Anna:  I haven’t been able to find any pics of Ben, Weirdo or Adam on any of the pap sites I keep track of Mom Anon.  So ... no official red carpet walks I guess.

He did go to the party after The Favourite premiere, and had a chat with the cast, but I don’t see Weirdo in the background.  LINK  (thanks to @ptskeptonanny for sending me so many social media post links today by the way.  You’re awesome!)

[unknown-de-mordor-blog]

Plot Bunny: Steampunk + Reverse!Pride&Prejudice SNS

Summary: Once the Industrial Revolution hits, the old aristocratic families are reeling from the shift in financial power going from them to the moguls of the steam age, middle-class and upper-middle class families who are now running the economy of the country with their companies and their factories. 

The Uzumaki, old as they are, becomes an exception as their heiress Kushina is married to one of the greatest inventor of the era, Namikaze Minato. Their investment in what becomes a technological empire means they’re destined to thrive in the new age. And so, it’s not a surprise that the return of their son Uzumaki Naruto from his three-year-long grand tour causes a riot in the high society. Now at the marriageable age, he’s the hottest catch in their social circle, not that Sasuke cares. The Uchiha has only male children, so it’s not like they can enter the race as a gambit to secure the family’s financial status and prestige.

That is until they clap eyes on each other on the dance floor. Sasuke certainly isn’t prepared for having Naruto interfering with his life.

Detail:

The background for this story is more fantasy than actual England, Industrial Revolution or otherwise, so you can go a little crazy with the world-buildings. The clan politics, classism, and social conventions, however, is heavily inspired by Edwardian England (or at least as much as I understand it), except for Minato marrying into the Uzumaki. That’s more a Japanese thing. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a big European family doing it this way, but I might be wrong.

The reason I said it’s reversed Pride and Prejudice is because I’ve always seen Naruto as Elizabeth Bennet and Sasuke as Mr. Darcy, but Mr. Darcy here is not the desirable one in the social circle or the one with a lot of money. Just a guy with a bad personality.

Minato is the Elon Musk + Thomas Edison of the story. Kakashi handles the business side of things for him. Kushina is the mastermind behind the PR and organizes all the social events, fundraising or otherwise, as she’s more aware than her husband how all these things work. (Let’s be honest, Minato would be a dork.)

Although Minato and Kushina’s marriage is beneficial for the Uzumaki family, it’s actually a love-match, which inevitably influences Naruto’s perspective about love and marriage as well.

Naruto went on a grand tour with Jiraiya, who’s kind of an Oscar Wilde figure -- smart, scandalous, and a sharp-tongue writer satirizing the upper-class. They hate him but can’t do anything about it because of Lady Tsunade’s patronage. He is even rumoured to be her lover.

Senju is one of the oldest and previously most influential clan, but they’re very close to dying out. Tsunade’s still held in high-regard in the high society, though. She’s also Naruto’s godmother.

A grand tour is traditionally about exposing the young heirs to sophistication. Naruto’s, though, also involves slumming it with the middle and working class since Minato is from a middle-class family and doesn’t want his son to get too used to the affluent people. He also wants Naruto to understand the responsibility he has towards people working for their family.

Minato and Fugaku are good friends despite their socially disparate standing. He might not look like it, but Fugaku is actually quite progressive and is more open to the ‘new-money’ families. But he’s terrible when it comes to understanding how business are run and what markets are, so he’s a bit of a fish out of water with them.

Itachi is actually the first in the Uchiha family to break tradition and work outside in a company. This is a very controversial move for an old-blood, and the high society gives him so much shit for it. Itachi basically isn’t welcome in their gathering. Fugaku is understanding, although he doesn’t fully approve of the decision since it means his son, who’s a person of high blood, is being bossed around by technically a nobody.

As a result of Itachi turning radical, Fugaku tries to train Sasuke up to lead the family instead. Mikoto even tries to set her son up with Karin, who is Kushina’s niece. Karin is open to the match, but Sasuke isn’t really interested. He’s considering it for the family, though.

So they are kind of ‘dating,’ as in meeting each other in social events and are dancing partners (Edwardian-style, not a lot of touching -- waltz is waaaay too scandalous here). Sasuke can’t really quite keep up with her energy, so she’s also dancing with other people, most notably Houzuki Suigetsu, who’s from a new-money family.

Suigetsu gets quite a bit of shit from the upper-class, but he’s a ruthless psychopath, so he doesn’t give a fuck. Sasuke doesn’t know if he likes him or not, since Suigetsu never tries to kiss his ass because of his family name. If anything, the guy’s pretty open to Sasuke including his interest in Karin.

Which means, Sasuke’s been pressured to make it official with Karin and propose.

But then Naruto saunters into the ballroom, and everything changes.

Naruto and Sasuke were actually childhood friends since both their families are friends, but Naruto was sent to a boarding school for further education when he was thirteen while Sasuke studied under his tutor Orochimaru at home. So they lost contact and became estranged.

They actually hate each other at first sight in that ballroom. Naruto thinks Sasuke is arrogant. Sasuke thinks Naruto is frivolous. They have a little public spat that becomes the hottest gossip of the social circle.

They also keep meeting each other because of their families, their social commitments, and because of Sasuke’s supposed courtship with Karin, which Naruto disapproves of because he can see that Sasuke doesn’t love her and is only considering the marriage out of duty. He even confronts Sasuke about it.

Sasuke counters that marrying for love is a naive and irresponsible idea. Kushina and Minato’s marriage wouldn’t have been approved of if it hasn’t benefit both families. Naruto takes offense to that comment. Sasuke is firm in his belief and won’t apologize for it.

In his worry for his cousin’s happiness, Naruto keeps crashing Sasuke and Karin’s meetings, picking a fight with Sasuke whenever he could. And because of all the verbal sparring, they become close again, and Karin turns more and more into the third-wheel.

Putting Karin first is also an excuse for Naruto to ignore his own onslaught of suitors. He hates being the prize of the social rat-race and having to make civil conversations with girls who are set up by their families to meet him and try to seduce him. He knows some of them finds him underwhelming and annoying in person but are putting up with him because they need to.

Sasuke mocks him for having a first-class problem, and Naruto lets him because it is.

Naruto and Sasuke get so wrapped up in each other that they have no idea Suigetsu is now making aggressive moves, until Karin actually elopes with him.

This is devastating to everyone, and especially so to the Uzumaki family. Naruto blames it on himself for interfering while Sasuke tries to talk him out of it. They become each other’s emotional support and only realize then how they really, really, really, really like each other.

Sasuke stays with the Uzumaki family and basically lead the search for Karin and Suigetsu, which Naruto is very grateful for.

But at this point Karin’s reputation is in tatter and any chance of saving it lies in her marrying Suigetsu, but everyone knows that is what Suigetsu wants to begin with. Naruto is very frustrated by this since Karin’s reputation is clearly used as a leverage for Suigetsu to gain ally for himself and his family, and Naruto hates that.

Sasuke is actually the one going in to talk to Suigetsu and Karin and find some compromise. It becomes clear to him then that the two have fallen in love while Sasuke isn’t looking, and Karin chooses to elope because she thinks the family is going to pressure her to break up with Suigetsu to marry Sasuke.

Sasuke admits to her then that she’s more a sister to him and he has no romantic interest in her. He fully supports her choice, but the three of them have to come up with a plan to lessen the damage somehow.

Naruto is actually surprised that Sasuke is willing to help Karin marry for love. He’s even willing to shoulder some blames and lies if it means the Uzumaki will officially accept the marriage and give it a blessing. Karin and Suigetsu, though, do have to skip town afterwards so that they won’t get caught up in the scandal in person. It’s also a way of clearing up the rumour that Suigetsu is only marrying Karin for the Uzumaki connection and money. Suigetsu is honestly not that desperate. And he is going to have his own thing, Uzumaki’s help or not.

Naruto and Sasuke have a chat afterwards about the whole thing where Naruto tries to ask what changes Sasuke’s mind about the marrying-for-love thing. Sasuke ends up confessing that the reason he can’t bring himself to believe he can marry for love is because he’s gay, and so he can never fulfill his duty for his family and have his love at the same time. But he doesn’t wish that kind of choice on other people, so he’s happy that Karin and Suigetsu turn out okay.

Naruto mentions then that there are places in the world that people don’t have to make that choice and can just be with whomever they love, and from that line of conversation trying to hint really hard that he really, really, really, really likes Sasuke and really, really, really wants to go visit those places with him.

Sasuke kind of says yes.

[dancinginodessa]

I’ve been doing this survey on New Year’s Eve for thirteen years, which is HALF MY LIFE, and I need to go sit down now.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Officiated a wedding, crocheted a shawl, got a joint membership to something with somebody (the New York Botanical Gardens, truly the highest level of commitment before marriage), marched for my beliefs, called my elected officials on a regular basis, got a promotion, genuinely did not give one shit if my dad’s family figured out my sexuality, etc.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My sole New Year’s resolution, as usual, was about how many books I wanted to read. I chose 100. I read 103.

In the new year, I (please hold on to your hats) want to read less, only so I can write more. It’s been a while now since I graduated from the MFA program. I want to go back to the work I was learning to do and keep doing it. That was the point: to keep doing it. 

I always want to learn to be more comfortable with not being in control, which might actually take me the rest of my life, but I might as well start sometime.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, though I know of lovely people who had equally lovely babies! Just, you know, not babies I know very well.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. People got sick but recovered, and I am so grateful for that.

5. What countries did you visit?

I did not leave America for the...fourth year running? It’s a bummer.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Money that I am not actively setting on fire, and more room in this apartment.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 5: my best friend got married. I remember this on account of how I officiated, and also on account of it was one of the loveliest days of my life.

September 9: I had dinner at the American Girl Café, which I will not stop talking about until I am literally dead.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I got a therapist!!! 

9. What was your biggest failure?

I was a real dick to myself. And I’m still very bad at emailing people back in a timely fashion. As far as society is concerned, the latter is a graver sin.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

A bunch of weird bruises and scabs from being too clumsy to live, plus a pretty nasty cold or two. And I guess mental illness more or less constantly. But I think I am okayer now, and was okayer all this year, than I have been for a long time.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

G and I went halvsies on a Nintendo Switch! I’m real bad at Mario Kart 8 Deluxe! But I guess love is being real bad at something in front of someone and not caring.

Also: plane tickets to Cleveland and Chicago, bus tickets home, yarn for my mother’s Christmas shawl, a new phone because that means my dad has inherited my old phone and we can send each other emoji-filled texts now.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Everyone who put up a good fight. The friends who hugged and fed me. G, for riffing off my bad jokes with his own bad jokes for another whole calendar year. My parents, for everything. The McElroy brothers, for making me laugh every time I needed to.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The government? Evangelical Christianity? Lani Sarem? In no particular order?

14. Where did most of your money go?

Transportation to other cities and mental healthcare. Holy hell am I glad that I now see a therapist who does not cost $$$$$.  

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Karen’s wedding!! Seeing Welcome to Night Vale live!! Making things to keep people I love warm!! The 5 Boro Bike Tour!! Switching to a shampoo that makes my dry hair less dry and therefore more acceptable in polite society!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2017?

“New Rules” by Dua Lipa, no contest.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier. Angrier. More willing to put up a fight.

ii. thinner or fatter? The same, I think, because we can’t afford an animator to redraw my sprite and I guess the series is going to be using this model until further notice.

iii. richer or poorer? Poorer. Woof.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Being honest about what I needed. Wearing a scarf instead of pretending I wasn’t cold. Watching Netflix, because now it’s almost 2018 and I still haven’t seen Stranger Things or Bojack Horseman and the entire zeitgeist has left me behind. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying (about whether I am secretly the most unbearable person alive/about what my face is doing/about spending too much money/about what I should be doing with my life/about whether or not I am literally about to die, which, so far so good), though that is kind of a tall order. 

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I went home and spent December 25th at my grandma’s, where I was very cold and also very happy to be with my family. For Julian calendar Christmas, I think I am going to see family in Connecticut, and I haven’t seen them since I was 12, so this could be great AND/OR very awkward. Say a prayer.

21. Did you fall in love in 2017?

Stayed in it. Bought a time-share in it. Built a house in it. 

22. How many one-night stands?

I’ve been having the same one-night stand for two and a half years, am I doing this wrong?

23. What was your favourite TV program?

I watched little to no TV this year, but I did really like the one episode of My Brother, My Brother & Me I saw! If we’re counting Youtube channels, I would like to give an award to Geography Now! for being the glue that bonds my parents and my boyfriend.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Honestly, I don’t think so. 2017 is the year of smoldering resentment. I’m too tired to hate anybody extra.

25. What was the best book you read?

Oh geez. Lincoln in the Bardo was way up there. And Version Control. Also Shrill, and Her Body and Other Parties, and maybe a dozen more, but I’m trying to finish this before midnight (in five hours), so let’s stop there.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

This was not a year in which I listened to much music! That was weird. So I can’t say I really discovered anything; however, I certainly continued to be grateful for Ween.

27. What did you want and get?

A subscription to New York Magazine. Listen, it’s the little things. (Also, a raise.)

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Thor: Ragnarok is the most profoundly bisexual movie I have ever seen. I would also like to nominate the trailer for A Wrinkle in Time, even though the movie is not out yet. It’s just that the trailer is very important to me.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26! And my birthday just happened to fall on one of the dates of Welcome to Night Vale’s spring tour, so I went to the Bell House with G. There’s a doofy photo of us on Facebook looking pleased with ourselves on the train, and I treasure it.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I’m getting word that everybody else already submitted “a different president,” so how about...a rug in my living room that isn’t white? Come on, Past Nina. Who did you think you were? That kind of hubris is unbecoming, and we’re all paying the price now.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

“Thanks, I Love Cardigans.”

32. What kept you sane?

Podcasts, crocheting, calling my mom to vent my spleen, and therapy (if you want the literal answer).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Oscar Isaac is a beautiful man, and St. Vincent is my queen.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

[tense, angry silence; in the distance, thunder and a horse’s whinny]

35. Who did you miss?

Everyone. All the time. Especially my parents.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Who did I meet this year? It’s been a decade since January. The new tenants at the office are pretty delightful, and my first bonding activity with my roommate E was going with her and G to the Women’s March. (We three are the best apartment you know.)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017:

It’s okay if you aren’t okay.

[richincolor]

An Interview with Abdi Nazemian

Today we welcome Abdi Nazemian to the blog. We're excited to learn more about his new novel The Authentics, which was released earlier this month.

Summary: The Authentics is a fresh, funny, and insightful novel about culture, love, and family—the kind we are born into and the ones we create.

Daria Esfandyar is Iranian-American and proud of her heritage, unlike some of the “Nose Jobs” in the clique led by her former best friend, Heidi Javadi. Daria and her friends call themselves the Authentics, because they pride themselves on always keeping it real.

But in the course of researching a school project, Daria learns something shocking about her past, which launches her on a journey of self-discovery. It seems everyone is keeping secrets. And it’s getting harder to know who she even is any longer.

With infighting among the Authentics, her mother planning an over-the-top sweet sixteen party, and a romance that should be totally off limits, Daria doesn’t have time for this identity crisis. As everything in her life is spinning out of control—can she figure out how to stay true to herself?

How did you find your way to this story of family and identity?

I started my career as a screenwriter, and I still work in film and television. I love that medium, but one of the unfortunate realities of the business is that getting movies about Iranian characters made is extremely difficult. I’ve tried many times to write stories that explore my culture for the screen, and inevitably the conversation turns to the lack of bankable stars that could be cast in the roles. Take a look at some of the highest-profile movies about Iranians that Hollywood has made for a peek into this problem. Gael Garcia Bernal and Alfred Molina are Hollywood’s version of Iranians. Jake Gyllenhaal is their Prince of Persia. The argument for these decisions is that there are no Iranian stars, but how can there be if no one gives Iranian actors a chance? I’ve always loved books, and at some point in my screenwriting career, I had this epiphany that in the literary world, no one could tell me they needed a celebrity to publish my book. Then I discovered that writing novels was also a far more personal journey than screenwriting, and that liberated me to write stories that explored issues of family and identity that were (and still are) closest to me. For this particular story, it’s hard to pinpoint one thing that helped me find my way, but I think the biggest inspiration was my own children, who were born with the help of an incredible surrogate, and who are being raised in a very modern, very multicultural family. They were babies when this book began to take shape, but I projected forward to the kinds of questions they might have, and I began to write a fictional story inspired by those questions. And then, luckily, Daria took on a life of her own. She had a lot to say. And for the record, I have no secrets from my own children.

What did you like most about Daria?

I love so much about Daria, but perhaps what I love most is her passion. That passion is partly inspired by myself as an older teen (I was very outspoken about my views on right and wrong), but mostly inspired by many young people I know who are devoted to speaking out for what they believe in. Daria’s pride in her culture, her commitment to her friends, her patience and empathy for her family, are all offshoots of that passion. She is a deeply moral person, and wants to live a life of truth. Sometimes circumstances make that difficult, and that’s what the book explores, but Daria never strays far from her core desire to be honest and make moral decisions. I love that about her. Also, I love her capacity for forgiveness.

What forms of media were you most interested in when you were a teen? What kinds of stories got your attention?

Before my teen years, I was a huge reader (a lot of Ramona books, endless readings of Charlotte’s Web and an insatiable obsession with Archie Comics).  By the time I became a teenager, I developed a fascination with Old Hollywood. I watched old movies voraciously, everything from film noir to musicals to silent film. Those films transported me to a fantasy version of the world, which was very appealing to me as a kid who usually wanted to crawl out of his dark, gay skin. I read a lot back then, though YA wasn’t the thriving world it is now, and there were few diverse reads to be found. My favorite book as a teen was Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray. I worshipped it. And in my later teen years, I discovered James Baldwin, who remains my favorite author. His writing is ridiculously good, and perhaps sadly, more relevant than ever. If we all read his words and studied them, we’d probably live in a much more beautiful world.

Though this is your debut YA novel, you're not new to writing. Did writing The Authentics have any unique challenges?

It absolutely did. First and foremost, this was my first young adult novel, and I love YA, so I wanted to enter this world with a story that would have an impact and feel honest. Also, this is a far more personal piece of writing than most of my screenwriting work. This is a chance for me to represent the people I love most: Iranian-American characters, LGBTQ people of color, young people questioning their identity, and struggling with how to define themselves in a world obsessed with labels. I am painfully aware of how rare depictions of minorities are in our stories, and so I felt an added responsibility here to get it right, and to make sure that all my love for these characters came through loud and clear.

Being authentic is obviously a focus in this story. What does it mean to you to be authentic? How does that look in everyday life?

The word “authentic” is thrown around so often these days that it starts to lose any real meaning. Sometimes it’s a badge of honor (that’s how Daria and her friends use it), and sometimes it is hurled as an accusation toward anyone or anything we think is false. I wanted to explore this subject matter because I feel passionately that there is more than one way to be authentic. To me, being authentic only means being true to oneself, and that looks different for every human being. That might be why the relationship between Daria and her ex-best-friend Heidi (who Daria calls a “Nose Job”) is one of my favorites in the book. Daria considers Heidi inauthentic for focusing so much on her appearance, while Heidi feels that she is authentic because she is projecting the person she wants to be. To me, both characters are authentic in their own way, and their journey is to see authenticity in someone who is different from them. I recently read this quote from one of my favorite singers, Lana Del Rey, who is constantly accused of being inauthentic, and she said a lot of smart things on the subject: “Of course. I’m always being myself. They don’t know what authentic is. If you think of all the music that came out until 2013, it was super straight and shiny. If that’s authentic to you, this is going to look like the opposite. I think that shit is stylized. Just because I do my hair big does not mean I’m a product. If anything, I’m doing my own hair.”

I just found and read Madonna's picture book The Adventures of Abdi at my local library. Are you certain there's no connection to you?

There are few things I want more in the world than to be connected to Madonna. I fell in love with her when her very first video was released, and made my parents take me to The Virgin Tour despite being way too young for it. Not long after that, I converted a room in our home into “The Madonna Room” (no, this is not a joke). You can imagine my extreme excitement when I saw that Madonna had released a book about the adventures of a boy named Abdi, who does look a little like me. Sadly, I have no proof that the character is connected to me, though I can confirm I knew some people who worked with Madonna at the time, and that she signed an autograph to me well before the book was released, so perhaps my name seeped into her subconscious somehow. A boy can hope.

What's up next for you in writing? Are we likely to see more YA books from you?

I write both screenplays and novels. In my screenwriting life, I am currently adapting a phenomenal documentary called “Out of Iraq” into a narrative feature. It’s the story of two Iraqi men who fall in love against the backdrop of the Iraq War, and their struggle to be reunited when one moves to the United States and the other gets stuck in the bureaucracy of the immigration system. It’s an honor to adapt it. In my life as an author, I am committed to continuing to write young adult fiction. Writing “The Authentics” was so gratifying, and I have more stories to tell in this space. I’m about halfway done with my next book, so I shouldn’t say too much about it, but I can say that it is probably the most personal writing I’ve ever done, and that it tells the story of a love triangle between three teens who get caught up in the world of AIDS activism in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Is there anything you would like to tell our readers that I didn't ask?

I’d like to say thank you to the young adult reading community for demanding diverse reads from publishers. Reading young adult fiction gives me so much hope for our future. I believe storytelling is our greatest tool for creating empathy, and seeing the way young people are demanding and consuming literature about characters who don’t look or think like them is so exciting to me. It’s easy to be pessimistic about the world, and seeing a book like The Hate U Give on the bestseller list makes me optimistic. Discovering there is a whole community of Iranian YA authors makes me optimistic. Reading YA books about cultures and experiences that were foreign to me gives me hope. And that’s all the result of readers creating demand for these stories. So, I’d like to just say thanks, and keep seeking out stories you may not think are for you.

Abdi Nazemian spent his childhood in a series of glamorous locations (Tehran, Paris, Toronto, New York), but could usually be found in his bedroom watching old movies and reading. He currently resides in Los Angeles with his two children and his fiancé.

Abdi has written four produced films: MENENDEZ: BLOOD BROTHERS (Lifetime, 2017), THE QUIET (Sony Pictures Classics, 2006), CELESTE IN THE CITY (ABC Family, 2004), and BEAUTIFUL GIRL (ABC FAMILY, 2003). He also wrote, directed and produced the short film REVOLUTION (2012). He is proud to say his words have been spoken by the likes of Carmela Soprano, The Nanny, and The Girl With The Most Cake.

Abdi’s first novel, THE WALK-IN CLOSET, was released in 2015 by Curtis Brown Unlimited, and was awarded Best Debut at the Lambda Literary Awards. His debut young adult novel, THE AUTHENTICS, was released on August 8, 2017 by Balzer + Bray / HarperCollins.

[hollyoaksloversx]

Kidnap, Kids in Care, and Flying Donkeys...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (21st-25th August 2017)

Drugs, kidnap, a chase, a fall and an arrest. It was all happening in Hollyoaks this week as the Darren/Shane/Joel/Cleo story stepped up a gear. It all began with Darren deciding that he didn’t want to work for Shane anymore, but of course, Shane wasn’t going to let him go easily. With the help of Joel, Darren hatched a plan to set Shane up, but Shane got wind of the plan and kidnapped Cleo and Joel in retaliation. Darren eventually arrived and released them, but Shane, complete with a gun was hot on his heels, and soon gave chase, resulting in him and Joel rolling down a cliff (or a sandy embankment). With Shane not moving, the group assumed he was dead and made the decision to leave him there. After all, Shane had many enemies and as long as they were careful, no one would be able to link what had happened back to them...

Meanwhile, it was Jack and Frankie’s wedding anniversary and they celebrated with a party at The Dog, a party that was soon hijacked by Nancy as she planned to surprise Darren by renewing their wedding vows. However, Darren wasn’t as excited as Nancy might have hoped and she confided in Tom her worries that Darren’s strange behaviour meant he was gambling again. Whilst this was going on, Joel and Cleo decided to go to the police about Shane’s supposed death. With Darren believing he was about to go down, he told Nancy about his foray into the world of drugs, before deciding to hand himself in to the police. Meanwhile, Joel and Cleo lead the police to the beach where Shane lay but were shocked to find no trace of him. So, is Shane dead or not? The police think his body could have been washed away, but I’m not convinced. At this point, I’d be more surprised if Shane really was dead and I fully expect him to turn up alive at some point in the near future. Please, Hollyoaks, prove me wrong and surprise me! 

Life has a habit of never running smoothly for Mandy and this week was no exception as social services took Ella into emergency foster care. Mandy panicked when she received a letter from social services, stating that a neighbour had raised concerns and as a result, they would be paying her and Luke a visit. Whilst Mandy nipped out to try and get more money out of Warren, Luke was left with Ella and he chose precisely the wrong moment to nip to the shop for some booze. Mandy returned to the flat to find a social worker preparing to take Ella away. With Ella in care, Mandy turned to Tony for help and with his support, she threw Luke out and attended a meeting with the social worker. Just as it looked like things were finally going Mandy’s way, a hammered Luke burst in and announced his intentions to help get Ella back. Needless to say, the social worker was not impressed and Mandy was right back at square one...

Also this week, Scott continued trying to impress Damon whilst also refusing to tell him that he was his Brother. With Damon and Brody’s bar still struggling, Scott was determined to lend a hand but his plans failed to impress Brody. Scott eventually came up with an idea for a 'ladies day’ horse racing event and Scott was delighted when Damon seemed keen on the idea. However, unbeknownst to Scott, Brody sabotaged the flyers for the event, stating that free drinks were on offer at a ‘ladies for ladies’ night. Damon was furious when he didn’t get the clientele he was after and Scott soon worked out that Brody was behind the ‘mix up’. With Scott in Damon’s bad books, Farrah attempted to convince him to tell Damon who he really was but just as he was about to do so, Brody arrived and Scott bottled it.

Finally, Yasmine spent her week as she usually does, by being thoroughly unpleasant to all who encounter her. It was exam results day and Prince accompanied Hunter to collect his results whilst also wanting to talk to Sally about re-sitting his own exams. When Sally refused to consider it, Prince took drastic action and on Yasmine’s suggestion, chained himself to the school gates in protest. Sally was furious when she realised what he’d done, not least because a local TV crew were coming to chat to students about their results and told him if he didn’t remove himself from the gates by the time they arrived, he could kiss goodbye to returning to school. Yasmine played dumb and claimed to have lost the key, only revealing her lie once the cameras had gone. Cindy also found herself on the receiving end of Yasmine’s wrath when she refused to allow the teenager to interview her about her stalking ordeal for the school magazine. Determined to get revenge, Yasmine played a number of cruel tricks on Cindy, making her believe that Armstrong was back...

5 Things We Learnt This Week:

1. Scott’s party at The Duke Street Social is going to be ‘better than the Steps comeback tour’, if that is even possible. 

2. Staring manically at your oven will stop your cakes from turning shit. 

3. Myra’s dreams involve flying donkeys.

4. Charlie think that kissing girls is disgusting. I give it 5 years before he’s changed his mind and is in a relationship with Leah. 

5. Frankie and her chick flicks have no place at Alfie and Tom’s TV marathon night. 

Characters Featured:

Alfie, Brody, Charlie, Cindy, Cleo, Damon, Darren, Ella, Esther, Farrah, Frankie, Hunter, Jack, Joel, Kim, Lily, Luke, Mandy, Milo, Myra, Nancy, Oscar, Sally, Scott, Shane, Sienna, Tom, Tony and Warren.

Past Characters Mentioned:

Eva Falco, Celine McQueen, Porsche McQueen, Reenie McQueen, Nathan Nightingale.

[thedesperatehousehusband]

Academy Awards For Everyone!!!

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar. Oscar. Oscar. Who will win?? I can’t take credit for that line. It’s a Billy Crystal line from his 140,000 times of hosting the Oscars. Also known as the Academy Awards. It’s time, Lord.

We started the show with Justin Timberlake doing his thing. It was fine. He needs to learn to lip sync better. And what was Jessica Biel wearing? Was that thing around her neck jewelry or part of the dress? She actually looked like an Oscar statue.

Jimmy Kimmel. He’s not for the Oscars. He doesn’t care. But he’s funny as fuck. His monologue was great. I loved when he made fun of Matt Damon. The fake feud between Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel has been going on for like 11 years or some shit. That’s hilarious. And that recent movie that Matt Damon is in does actually like a steaming pile of horse dung. I thank Jimmy Kimmel for saying so.

Thanks GAWD Mahershala Ali won for Moonlight. That movie is remarkable and, let’s face it, the Oscars can’t deal with another racial controversy. #oscarssowhite no more. I’m joking a lot, a lot, a lot. Mahershala Ali 100% was my choice. His portrayal of “Juan” was wonderful , inspiring, raw, real and his presence was felt long after his character wasn’t on screen anymore.

Halle Berry’s hair is uncalled for. What is wrong with her?

You can’t go wrong with either Kate McKinnon or Jason Bateman. I gotta tell you. If I had a “list”, Jason Bateman would be on it. Good for Suicide Squad for winning an Oscar for Make Up. It’s all you’re gonna get. And Colleen Atwood seemed really surprised. Bless her heart. Bitch, you get nominated errrrrry year for your costumes. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them had some good ass costumes.

That girl from Moana did a fine job. She got through it. She worked it out.

God bless the French man from Arrival who won for Sound Editing. That movie was terrific. We really loved it. Hacksaw Ridge won for Sound Mixing. I’ve probably said this before but I can’t fucking remember year to year what I talk about in this posts. But I don’t have a clue what the difference is between Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. In one do the fart noises sound better? We can’t see Hacksaw Ridge. Mel Gibson is the demon spawn of Satan and we cannot support him. Regardless of whether or not the movie is amazing.

Mark Rylance, that hat is ridiculous. You’re better than that. What is wrong with him?

VIOLA DAVIS! Girl came dressed to win. That dress is insane. The shoes. THE SHOES. But let’s just talk about her role in Fences. She completely owned that role. You could feel every bit of the pain she felt and the ordinary struggle of being a black housewife in the 1950s. Love, love, love that she won.

The movie from Iran won best Foreign Film. The director couldn’t/wouldn’t come (I’m truly not sure which) due to the travel ban and the continued foolishness of the Orange One. Making a statement by not showing up. That’s a good statement. Plus then your Oscar got accepted by Shirley MacLaine. Because that doesn’t happen every day.

This song by Sting is a real sleeper. I suppose it’s an important message but the song is bland. Trudie Styler has been nipped and tucked to an extreme degree.

I don’t know what to think of Hailee Steinfeld’s dress. It sort of looks cool but it sort of looks like Saran Wrap. I think she’s too young to wear that dress. Zootopia just won for Best Animated Feature. Good for Disney. It was such a great movie. Funny, touching, poignant and includes voiceover work from Jason Bateman. That’s why it won.

OK. I literally cannot with Dakota Johnson’s dress. So because you’re in a movie about bondage and sexy shit you decide to wear a dress that looks like you’re one of the mole people on Kimmy Schmidt? Jesus Christ. That fabric. Is it from Dollar General? Who is this kookie couple from La La Land who is giving a boring ass speech about production design and set decoration? The conductor is right to play them off. Potentially the most lifeless speech ever.

So Jimmy Kimmel is good for a good prank or a gag. This business with the Hollywood tour bus that then showed up randomly at the Oscars was brilliant. I love good comedy bits. It’s good fun.

Halle Berry. You look ridiculous.

Michael J. Fox. Things don’t seem great. Ugh. I don’t like to see it. Heartbreaking beyond belief. I have a fair amount of continued surprise over the lack of wins for La La Land. With the Editing award just went to Hacksaw Ridge. Which at this point has one more awards than La La Land. I just do not care about this movie one iota. I’d sooner have explosive diarrhea than watch this movie.

Well, I guess Meryl Streep is not interested in making an impassioned speech tonight. That’s fine. The Prez doesn’t have anything better to do than to Tweet about actresses who are critical of him. What a narcissistic asshat. La La Land deserves to win for Cinematography.

Mean Tweets! Yes. This bit is so smart and hilarious on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Robert DeNiro….and soon I’ll be playing great-grandfather roles. Fuck you. Totes brillz.

Color me surprised. La La Land won for Score. Stop it. An original movie musical won an award for MUSIC at the Oscars?

What is on Scarlett Johansson’s head? Because it can’t be hair. That dress is too much. I don’t care for it. Woo hoo! La La Land gets the Original Song award too. It’s taken a few hours bur La La Land is finally picking up steam.

Jennifer Anniston wears that dress every time. But I don’t care. She knows what works for her and it looks outstanding. Love her to pieces. She’s America’s sweetheart. Sara Bareilles did a lovely job with the In Memoriam segment.

OMG. Jimmy Kimmel is relentless with Matt Damon. Talking about how We Bought a Zoo was his favorite movie then trying to play him off while he and Ben presented Original Screenplay. I have to tell you I’m stunned that Kenneth Lonergan won for Manchester By the Sea. It was such a hard movie. Hard to watch. Hard to enjoy. But remarkably well done.

Amy Adams looks like Jessica Rabbit. And that’s a good thing. Moonlight wins for Adapted Screenplay. I think there’s been some hullabaloo about this film being in this category but who cares? It was a great movie and a moving script. Great speeches. “For the the next four years, we got you.” Yes. Yes. Yes. This shit……it’s too much.

Oh, Lord. Her she is. Halle Berry and that hair. It seems to be growing and morphing through the course of the night. I think it might be alive. I’m elated that Damien Chazelle won. He’s a creative force. He should be honored for this film and will likely be honored for other films in the future.

Uh oh. Brie Larson has lost some weight. She’s fading way into the background. I really want Casey Affleck to win Best Actor. I just don’t know that he will. We shall see. In about 45 seconds. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! I’m over the moon. Manchester By the Sea is a terribly difficult film to get through but Casey Affleck is the roots. The heart of the film. I know there’s other shit going down. I’m OK keeping that separate. Was it just me or did Denzel not look pleased? I think he thought he was gon win.

Leo looks like he bathed. Bless his heart. He often looks unclean. Yay!!!!!!!!! Emma Stone is a talent and completely adorable. I love her in anything.

And Best Picture is………….La La Land. Of course it is! I don’t care what anyone says about the ending. I simply loved this movie. CORRECTION! CORRECTION! Apparently if you go to bed in less than 45 seconds after the announcement of Best Picture, there might be a kerfuffle. HOLY COW! What a mess up. I can’t even believe it. Moonlight won. Evidently, Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway had the Best Actress envelope and that’s why Warren Beatty was confused. I’ll tell you I’m perfectly fine with Moonlight. It was the movie that most moved me and stayed with me. What a clusterfuck. 

And good night. It’s time for bed. It’s really fucking late.

[randomrichards]

OSCAR 2019 PREDICTIONS: BEST PICTURE

·         BLACK PANTHER

We begin with the first Superhero movie to be nominated in this category.

After the death of his father, T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) takes his place as King of Wakanda, a fictional African Country that keeps its futuristic technology under wraps from the outside world. It means wearing the mask of Black Panther, a superhero with extra strength and agility. But he finds his throne threatened when Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) arrives to avenge his father (Sterling K. Brown) and make them answer for their isolationist policies. Now T’Challa will have to confront the sins of his father and question his preconceived worldviews to maintain his place as king.

When it comes to appeal, I notice similarities between this movie and the original Star Trek. Like Star Trek, this film offers an optimistic view of humanity where people are reaching their full potential, making gadgets for the benefit of others. Of course, what sells them is how unique and detailed their worlds are. Wakanda is a paradise where people hold on to their culture and traditions while creating the most advanced technology. They both offer a variety of memorable characters, with Black Panther’s world including T’Challa’s snarky young tech whiz sister Shuri (Letita Wright), his stern head guard Okoye (Danai Gurira) and larger-than-life villain Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis).

But like Star Trek, many people are turned off by Black Panther’s delivery. Many couldn’t get into the slow pacing of both franchises, finding them boring.[1] Many also found T’Challa to be too passive a protagonist; lacking a central motivation to drive the story, even those who found him engaging in Captain America: Civil War. There are some who would argue Killmonger was more of a protagonist since he has a clear goal and sets everything in motion. Both Star Trek and Black Panther have been criticized for their lackluster fight scenes and special effects. The fight scenes in Black Panther are certainly a huge set back. The camera is almost always too close and the film edits way too quickly. It looks way different from how director Ryan Coogler shot the boxing scenes in Creed. For that, you have Marvel Studios to blame for their overbearing control over their films and fear of risks. It’s kind of prevents this film from reaching its full potential.

What really annoyed me was the obvious death fake out. It’s a cliché that everyone can figure out and it needs to die.

It’s all in whether you can take the good or the bad.

·         BLACKKKLANSMAN

Based on the true story of the first black cop of Colorado Springs.

After finding an ad in the paper, Ron Stallworth (John David Washington) calls them under the disguise of a disgruntled racist. To pull this off, he has fellow cop Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) pass himself off as him to get into the Klan. When the clan plots a bombing, Ron and Flip must race against time to stop them.

From the opening scene of Kennebrew Beauregard flubbing his way through a racist rant, Spike Lee takes a comedic approach to the Klan. When the cops struggle to hold their laughter when Ron calls Klan leader David Duke (Topher Grace), you can’t help but take giddy pleasure in it. Plus, seeing Duke try to act tough in front of Stallworth (not realizing he’s the one whose been calling him) looks silly. But as the film progresses, Lee reminds us that these people are very dangerous people. No one embodies this more than Felix (Jasper Paakkonen), a paranoid, hostile lunatic. Plus, not every Klan member fits the inbred redneck stereotype associated with the Klan, remind us that they could be anyone, even members of the Defense Force. Plus, they have been making a recent comeback as indicated in the final scenes.

Through Ron, Spike Lee takes on the perspective of a black man reforming the system from the inside. Throughout the film, Ron encounters people who challenges him. Student activist Patrice (Laura Harrier) sees the police force as an unfixable racist system. He’s expected to put up with the very racist cop Landers (Frederick Weller). When Ron claims “America will never elect a racist like David Duke” a white cop counters with “Coming from a black man’ that’s incredibly naïve. Wake up.”[2]

I want to conclude with a powerful scene. At a student rally, speaker Jerome Turner (civil rights activist and singer Harry Belafonte) discusses how black men were brutally murdered in lynching after the premiere of Birth of a Nation a 1914 silent film that glorified the KKK while portraying black people in the most vicious stereotypes. Cut to the Klan watching the film with sadistic glee. You could imagine them celebrating a lynching like the fourth of July.

·         BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

This biopic looks at the life of Freddy Mercury, lead singer of Queen and one of the most charismatic front-men in Rock History.

I’m just going to say it; I hate this movie. A lot. It feels more like a smear campaign than a tribute. It seems to do everything it can to sully the reputation of Mercury, who’s not alive to tell his side of the story. It also embodies everything wrong with biopics.

First, the film tries so hard to fit every event of Queen’s career, but never gives any of the scenes time to develop them. They seemed more focused on fitting Queen songs than telling a good story. If that wasn’t enough, they also try to fit in every cliché found in music biopics. Disapproving parents? Check. Naysayer record executive? Check. Descent into drug addiction? Check. Singer cleaning himself up while learning humility in time to get the band back together for their most memorable concert? Check, Check and Check! This just comes off as lazy.

But what makes this so egregious is the level in which they twist the facts to fit into these clichés. While I get that screenwriters must tweak a person’s life to form a coherent story, but this one is just abusive. Nowhere is this truer than when the band get indignant about Freddy Mercury creating a solo album, accusing him of “killing Queen.” Considering that two of the members already made solo albums before Freddy did, you can’t help but get angry at the hypocrisy. Then they claim this broke up the band, when in real life they only took a break because they were burnt out. But none is worst then when they used Freddy Mercury’s AIDS diagnosis as a motivational tool to bring the band back together[3] in time for Live Aid. What makes this sick is that Freddy wasn’t diagnosed until two years after this concert. How the writers think all this lying is ok baffles my mind.

And then you remember this film got approval from two of Queen’s band members. No wonder, they’re practically portrayed as saints who arrive to work on time, leave parties early to be with their families and never do anything wrong. Meanwhile, Freddy’s character is dragged in the mud, portrayed as an unprofessional, narcissistic junkie. I don’t know what axe the band members they had to grind, but they must be petty to think this is how you treat your friend. Contrast that with Straight Outta Compton, which treated Easy-E with great respect, even with his misguided loyalty to his manager.

I pity the wasted talent of Malek, who gave a much better performance than this film deserved. This film leaves a bad taste in my mouth

·         THE FAVOURITE

Welcome to 18th Century England, where the kingdom is led by Queen Anne (Olivia Colman), a fussy brat trapped in a frail woman’s body. And she’s being led by Lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz), a proper lady who assists her with political decisions...and sexual pleasures. But then comes Abigail, a former lady forced into servitude after her father loses everything. But after healing the Queen’s infected leg, Abigail rises in the ranks, charming the Queen along the way. Thus, begins a battle of will for the favour of the queen. This battle catches the eye nobleman Harley, who seeks Abigail’s help so he can stop the war with France.

Alongside Christopher Nolan, Yorgos Lanthimos is the closest we are going to get to Kubrick. While Nolan’s influences lean toward 2001: A Space Odyssey, Lanthimos clearly draws from Barry Lyndon for this film. Like Kubrick, he presents a cold, distant presences in his films, from the cinematography to the low-key acting. It works for this film with every character maintaining a prim and proper demeanor while hiding their nefarious purposes.

Like Kubrick, Lanthimos has a dark sense of humour that exposes the absurdity of appearances. Throughout the film, we see noblemen and women misbehaving behind clothes door. But the biggest laugh come from the Queen herself. Colman must have been having a blast in this role as she throws one temper tantrums.

Like Kubrick, this director isn’t for everyone.

·         GREEN BOOK

Inspired by a true story.

When the nightclub he works in closes for renovations, Bouncer Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen) has three ways to earn a living; win multiple eating contests, work for the mob or drive pianist Dr. Don Shirley (Mahershala Ali) across the Deep South for a music tour. He goes for the third choice. At first the two can’t get along, with Don not matching Tony’s preconceptions of black people and Don wishing Tony would try to act classier. But as Tony sees the shit Don must put up with, they come to form a friendship.

It still surprises me that this film was directed by the co-creator of Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. But when you think about it, Peter Farrelly is the perfect director for this movie. Some of his films are road movies. If you look past the gross out jokes of his previous films, the biggest laughs come from the interactions between actors. Mortensen and Ali bounce off each other, creating believable interactions both funny and emotional.

It’s worth noting that after Mary, Peter and his brother Bobby tried to use their comedy style to create a more sensitive portrayals of marginalized groups, whether it’s the overweight (Shallow Hal) or conjoined twins (Stuck on You). The problem was they still making fat/disability jokes in between these sentimental moments; trying to have their cake and eat it too. It seems Peter has learned his lesson and turned his target on the type of people who would make fun of those who would make fun of these people. The film goes after Tony’s casual racism as he makes preconceived notions of Don, who serves as the straight man who corrects Tony. The film also takes some jabs at the so-called southern gentleman, exposing their phoniness when one host tries to pronounce Tony’s real name.

But if you take out the two actors, the film isn’t really anything special. It’s essentially Driving Ms. Daisy with the races reversed. You’ll enjoy the interactions, but it’s not as interesting as the other nominees.

·         ROMA

Alfonso Cuaron draws from his persona life to pay tribute to the maid who cared for his family.

Set in 1970s Mexico City, indigenous housekeeper Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio) cleans the house for Dr. Antonio (Fernando Grediaga), his wife Sofia (Marina de Tavira) and their four children Tono, Paco, Pepe, Sofi. She has practically become a member of the family. Their bond is tested when Cleo becomes pregnant and ends up abandoned by her martial arts loving boyfriend Fermin (Jorge Antonio Guerrero).

Slice of life stories must be one of the hardest type of stories to write. There’s no central goals or major conflict running that move the plot forward. There are little conflicts, but it’s just people going on their daily lives. Not only does a filmmaker face the challenge of making it look realistic, but to keep the audience engaged for two hours. Against these odds, Cuaron creates a beautiful portrait of family.

What helps is the actor’s performances. For her first role, Aparicio engages you with her sensitivity even when she’s just hanging clothes. The other actors match her every step of the way, feeling like a real family on screen.

But what truly sells the film is the beautiful black and white cinematography. Never has ordinary life looked so beautiful.

With these and Cuaron’s directing, the mundane becomes unforgettable. You remember the scene of Antonio trying to maneuver his car into the very tight garage. You remember Cleo and her friend running across Mexico City. You remember Cleo and Sofie’s mother picking out a crib. Little moments like these stay with you after you’ve finished watching it.

·         A STAR IS BORN

Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper) is a country superstar struggling with alcoholism and the effects of tinnitus. Ally (Lady Gaga) is a wannabee songwriter rejected by many record labels for her appearance. One night, Jackson was looking for a place to drink when he stumbles upon Ally singing at a drag bar. After spending a night together, Jackson finds his passion for music rekindled as he helps her musical potential. So as her star rises, Ally finds herself unable to stop Jackson’s downward spiral until it gets to the point where it hurts her career.

Cooper shows a lot of potential in his directorial debut. This being the third remake of the classic 1937 film, he makes the old story feel refreshing and new. First, he uses Ally’s rise to fame to examine the shallow world of modern pop. Ally struggles to maintain her sense of self as a record producer (Rafi Gavron) tries to make her in the image of a pop star.[4] All the time, Jackson keeps reminding her to always have something to say.

Then he makes Jackson a complicated character. A former act, you could imagine Cooper exercising his demons through his character. Never once does he back away from the ugliness of Jacksons addiction, leading to a cringe inducing scene where he humiliates himself at the Oscars. But you come to understand this stems from a troubled relationship with his late father. Plus, he always pushes Ally to do better.

Cooper gets a lot of great performances out of this. He and Gaga have excellent chemistry, making the love between Jackson and Ally feel genuine. A lot of comedians give excellent dramatic performances including Dave Chappelle as Jackson’s friend Noodles and Andrew Dice Clay getting his second wind as Ally’s unfiltered yet supportive father. But the key standout is Sam Elliott as Jackson’s older brother/manager Bobby. In a powerful scene, Bobby berates his brother for idolizing their deadbeat father while never showing him any appreciation for his help.

On second viewing, I noticed the visual style. The colour red shines in moments of passion, starting with Jackson and Ally’s first date. The one little moment where Cooper’s storytelling skills shine is when Jackson makes a ring for her. When he puts it on her finger, all the sound fades out, with only a piano tune heard.

If he can keep this up, he is sure to become an extraordinary director.

·         VICE

Adam McKay seems determined to reinvent the biopic. With the rise of Vice President Dick Cheney (Christian Bale), he decided to experiment with storytelling. First, he has the story told by some middle-class family man (Jesse Plemons), not revealing his identity until late in the film. He uses the narrator to explain how certain aspects of politics work and the consequences Cheney’s politics have on America. Throughout the film, he undercuts the film with skits here and there. There some funny moments like one scene where the film demonstrates Cheney’s power of persuasion with him suggesting to fellow politicians to tie bows to their dicks and flap them around the white house. Other times, they fall flat, especially the post credit sequence. It feels like he was throwing everything at the wall and not even wait to see what sticks.

It doesn’t help that he’s still trying to make a straight forward biopic. Another example of trying to have your cake and eat it too. It results in an uneven, unfocused tone.

What I find interesting about the film is how we watch Cheney progress. At first, he is an alcoholic electrician who blew his chances at Yale. At first, you’re sympathetic to him as his wife forces him to clean himself up. As he goes into politics, he becomes intriguing as he finds himself comfortable as second in command to Donald Rumsfeld (Steve Carell). But when you see his policies and their consequences, your sympathy wanes. Then he grows more and more repulsive, even throwing his daughter Mary (Alison Pill) under the bus so his other daughter Liz (Lily Rabe) can win a Congressional position. You can’t help but feel anger at his actions, especially with the lack of remorse he has for his actions.

Who Will Win?

It’s a one on one between Green Book and Roma. The safe bet seems to be Green Book, but many want Roma to win.

[1] Personally, I thought the lack of motivation in the first hour was necessary for us to understand the traditions T’Challa and his family holds so dear.

[2] While this is a clear shot at Trump, this may as well be referencing Nixon, who stated he started the Drug War because “I couldn’t arrest people for being black.”

[3] Also, does anyone notice the band members never age even though this takes place over a decade?

[4] It’s kind of ironic for Ally to be resistant to flashy gimmicks when Lady Gaga is well known for her over the top costume designs.