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chaninfused · 4 years ago

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Today, this mediocre blog turns one year old.

And it’s not much, but it’s something, for sure. I’m happy to be writing this, mainly because I didn’t expect to write it in the first place. Coming here, I had no aspirations for this blog. Write and post, that was my initial intent, but I’m glad to say I have found and created much more. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve learned and improved quite a lot, both as a person and a writer. Never in my life had I imagined myself writing y/n stories, yet here I am, and I’m content.

As much as I complain, I cannot deny that this place made this year bearable so far. Everyone, from my friends to my silent readers, made this experience fun, despite the various disappointments of 2020 (ahem, a ruined senior year). For that, I think it’s time to move to the important parts of this letter; all I have to say to you!

First, I must thank the friends that gave me something to look forward to each day. I am honored to have met you all, whom I have spoken to daily or spontaneously. Thank you for keeping up with my sucky person antics!

@luvhjs, I often wonder if we could’ve ever met if @skzwritersclub didn’t exist, or if you didn’t decide to join our fetus network, and I always conclude that it’s not something I want to think about. Simply because it’s horrifying. I might not express it properly, but our friendship is one I treasure beyond words. Thank you for panicking with me over silly things, listening to my nonsense rambles, and in all sincerity, being the best there is. A hundred ‘I love you’s randomly arriving in your inbox would never be enough, but I hope you know that I love you, and I wish you all the best, all the time ♡

@missinghan, I don’t know where to begin, and honestly, I don’t know where to stop either. I don’t regret screaming into your dms that day, although I’m deeply sorry for terrifying you (oops!). All jokes aside, I truly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a friend like you. I’m grateful for each conversation we’ve had, even that one about maggot cheese or those depressing texts about our dying dashboards. I solemnly believe that I would’ve lost my mind during spring break had we not spent careless hours on Tumblr talking about anything that could possibly be talked about. I feel like I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me; for hearing my writing rants to handling my dramatics to just being there when I send a good morning text in all caps. You are incredible, it is not just a silly nickname. I love you, and I know affection is gross but I’m saying it again. I love you! ♡

@meiiyue, hey, remember when you told me you knew me from Wattpad? That was our first proper interaction, and I am so glad I had gotten to know you better after that. We often joke about it, but I love your love for all things murder. Please never let anyone’s opinions get in your way. You honestly have one of the most unique personalities I’ve ever known. I mean, where else would you find koalas and blood-chilling crime in one place? Thank you for being the cutest and most talented. I hope you know that you’re loved, and I love you, and it will always be that way ♡

@meanhly, oh, look, it’s my keyboard smashing partner! I’m glad you decided to panic about On track in my dms instead of my askbox. Thank you for birthing this beautiful friendship! Speaking of which, what friendship level are we at now, Selina? Okay, I’ll stop fooling around. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh, no thanks to your autocorrect for calling me fruit, though. I think one of the reasons I love the Songless Bird so much is, well, you! It was your excitement about the story that pushed me to explore the world more, to write more. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for that. I love you, so much, and I cherish our friendship just as much ♡

@smileylino, our ‘02 line is only complete with you, Rain. Thank you for being the best panic partner (hehe) and the cutest Minho stan. Talking to you is always so much fun, even if we’re just discussing memes or soft scenarios. I don’t know how successfully your Minho detox is going, but I miss your random declarations of love for the one and only. I hope you know that you’re really talented, and I’ll always be here to cheer you on whenever. You deserve only the best this world can offer. I know you’ll do amazing, whatever it is you’ll be doing. I love you! ♡

@lixiefe, if anyone were to see our first interactions, they wouldn’t expect us to become good friends. Yet here we are, and I wouldn’t change that for the world! I love talking to you, even if it’s about the strangest of topics. Thank you for making me love my own work. You make it out to be something special, which it isn’t, but I appreciate that so much. Thank you for handling my self-deprecating statements with hilarious poop references, even though I am still adamantly against them (kidding!). You’re special, I hope you’d know that. I love you so much! ♡

@scriptura-delirus, we might not interact a lot but whenever we do, it’s always so much fun. I truly admire your work and your way of thinking. Thank you for writing the best fantasy to be found in this fandom, and for all the support you’ve shown my mediocre stories. If this were a follow forever, know that your url would be among the first. I love you! ♡

@jeonginks, can I consider you a friend? I hope I can. The entirety of my first interactions with you consisted of me embarrassing myself, from that useless blurb to all that panicking. Thank you for not blocking me yet... I am very sure that without SWC, I wouldn’t have ever talked to you. And while I might not panic anymore, you are still someone I genuinely look up to when it comes to writing. I wish you’d know that you’re an inspiration, for me and many writers out there. Also, you can send me as many Liam memes as you want, I’ve become immune to them (phew). I presume this is called affection, but I love you! ♡

@scxrlettwxtches, writing or not, you’re a dear friend of mine. I’m terrible at expressing things, but I’m glad we started talking. Thank you for listening to all the unnecessary writing things I say. I love your work, even though I don’t say it enough. You might not know but your enthusiasm motivates me to write; all the random questions and spoiler requests. I’m sorry for [redacted] in ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’. I hope I’ve been able to make up for that through the blurbs! All in all, I wish you all the best in everything you do, and I love you! ♡

@f3lixlvr, you are the first person I have properly spoken to in his hellhole. I remember our first conversations and just how much joy they brought me, even though I was hiding behind an anonymous profile. Thank you for being the most amazing and making late 2019 fun and exciting. I love you! ♡

@wingkkun, we only began directly interacting recently, but we’ve talked before. Your writing is great, beyond that, even. I’ll raid your masterlist one day, just you wait! You seem like a complete sweetheart, and I hope we can talk more in the future. Thank you for all the lovely tags you had left on my stories, I love you! ♡

@ammuqwer, you are a friend I didn’t expect to make, but one I wouldn’t want to lose for anything. Talking to you brightens my day, and I can only wish I can offer just as much happiness in yours. You’re amazing, really. If you ever have a hard time, please know that you can always find me. I love you! ♡

@p2q3r4, I often scroll through your blog and I have to say, you’re crazy talented. Your drawings are stunning! Thank you for all the comments you’ve left on my writings, I appreciate every single one of them. You’re also a complete sweetheart, have I ever told you that? And I love your love for languages, it never was annoying. Never stop being amazing, I love you! ♡

🌷 anon, I might not know who you might be, but you’re a friend I cherish so much, Tulip. I love talking to you, and I say that a lot, but hearing from you is always so lovely. Thank you for all the asks you’ve ever sent, those with tmi to those with Splatoon talk. I hope you know that I’ll always be there for you, whenever, wherever. I love you so much! ♡

Caeliman Minho anon, last but definitely not least. I’m afraid this short letter wouldn’t do you justice, but I hope you’d know that you mean a lot to me. Thank you for all the support you’ve shown my work, all the inspiration you’ve given me, and all the thoughts you’ve generously shared. I love hearing what you have to say, and I love you! Thank you for everything ♡

Second, to all my readers, those who always reblog, those who leave a trail of hearts behind, and even those who just pass by, thank you for giving my writings a chance. I am continuously motivated to write more and write better for you. I’m nowhere near that, but I’m slowly making my way up there. Thank you for being the best audience ♡

Finally, to you reading this, thank you for reaching this far. It has only been a year, and I hope I can continue to contribute to this fandom for much longer than that.

Today, a story was meant to be posted. Due to my poor management skills (yikes!), I will instead be posting the world-information edit for ‘Danse Macabre’. Please look forward to it!

That is all. Thank you for making these 365 days on this blog special, and here’s to many more! I love you all! ♡

#furat iskiti 🖇️

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thederivativeofrad · 6 years ago

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Update

It’s that time of year when the new years thing happens and I make a post that has something to do with either what happened or what I want to happen and honestly I don’t know if I have the energy for it

It’s really surreal to think that some of you won’t have your blags anymore after whenever that drop date is. There will be writings lost to the void, a lot of... meaning just kind of snuffed out, and I couldn’t really have anticipated that. I was worried that mine would be gone, but I don’t believe that will be the case. I’m pretty sure hers will be, though, and even though I haven’t looked at it in two months and hardly at all before that back to July, I can’t help but be pained by the realisation that soon it might just not be there anymore. It’s nice to have that ability to look for a moment and go “ah, you’re still here”, but now that’s being taken away, and it’s not even by the choice of the author.

That sounds awfully dramatic for a blag being erased, but it’s more than just a blag I suppose. I have a lot of important writings here about college politics, about drugs, rambling about how lightsabers work and if computers can think, and I think I’d be pretty devastated to attempt to log in here again after however long I go without looking only to find it just... wasn’t there anymore.

There’s a reason why I just kind of stopped using the site rather than deactivating. It’s an archive, as well as somewhere to kind of peek back at, somewhere to put an update here and there or poke around and see if I can give myself an existential crisis by digging too far back into the personal tags. Albums are still alive here, little jokes that grew into whole developments, a large digital footprint of myself and friends and all the trends we were a part of. It’s a bit like losing family photos in a fire, flood, or to a strange person who comes over to party and steals the photos to put in a personal collection in a secret room off his room. There wasn’t much current for me here any longer, but... there [is] plenty to look back at, or to check in on to see if it’s still moving, and I think the sentiment of that is very powerful and is making me very ramble-prone.

There are some blags that I just like knowing they still exist, that something will pop up once in a great while, that they still exist in a friendly way, and now, soon, they may not be here any longer. There are some blags that put out little things that are important to people who mean a lot to me, and those may soon be gone, as well. It’s just difficult to come to terms with, and even more difficult to tell what sort of impact it may have. Maybe something good comes of the purge, maybe nothing changes [for me] at all. It’s something to ponder nonetheless, especially as I look recently at some URLs frozen in time, unflinching, unsuspecting, unafraid. All qualities I want but know better than to wish for, because what’s a life without that little buzz of stress and adventure? I just wish there was less of it from time to time--much different than having it all taken away.

So there’s that...

And then there’s life stuffs.

For better or worse, no matter how much I wanted to, I didn’t give up on my secondary education, yet. I joined the CIS department board for the community college I’m currently attending and helped with a partnership between our college and a four-year university that has a degree program that I was thinking about doing about five or six years ago. Computer security and forensics is one of three majors available to our students in our program, two of those majors (aforementioned included) can be taken on-site rather than having to travel to the university. This development has cancelled my plan for a break between my Associate’s and Bachelor’s, but it’ll only be... sigh... it’ll only be one(?) extra year, supposedly, so I guess it’s worth it. See “so, this college thing” for the roots of my scepticism about this whole system. I guess I’m a part of the system, now. I guess I literally made this for myself.

Academia is hell; what’s new?

I’ve been at my place of work for just a couple weeks over a year. I love my job as a whole, but things are not ideal.

Y’see, I work in the IT department, under IT managers. I work for the surgery department, alongside surgery managers. I really despise my team, my direct coworkers, the people I’m supposed to be able to count on--the rest of the deskside team. Slackers, painfully inefficient and unobservant, power hungry, whiny, back stabbing; they’re those little goblins that computer people turn into when they develop a complex, when they’re so full of themselves or so apathetic about what they do that they are not only arrogant, but horrifically lazy. My manager and coordinators aren’t any better. I’m convinced the coordinators are called that as some sick joke that I’m not in on, as they do very little coordinating at all. I’m not sure they know how to coordinate, because most of the plans they put together fall through very rapidly due to poor planning or no follow through. They’re worse together, they somehow become so much worse. Exception to that? One of them is a buffer, likes to keep the peace. The other is a hothead, and he’s shown me that side of himself before. That went straight to the manager after I cried about it and was convinced by one or two of my worth-something coworkers to talk to her. That’s when I first began to notice she does nothing but placate. She lies and panders and says just about anything to everyone to make it look like she’s doing something, like she’s worth something, like her department is excelling and deserves more.

It doesn’t.

One good thing about her is that she helped me to realise that I do that, too. That perspective and some other relevant thoughts running through my head around the same time brought that picture together for me. The last month I’ve been actively trying to do better with that. I think I’m beginning to make progress breaking that habit of trying not to disappoint people by making promises and giving time estimates that are unlikely if not impossible to fulfil. What a weird way to spell that...

The department I work for is filled with new friends. I know so many people, even by name. Someone as horrible with names as me actually recognising people, remembering things about them, holding conversation, it’s brilliant! It makes me feel like I belong there. They feel like family, I feel like a part of their team. I am a part of their team. I’m the IT guy there, if they need anything worked on they know they can count on me to be right there and take care of it effectively, even if it’s not our department’s equipment. If I’m comfortable with it at first glance I’ll try at it, because there’s a person on the table right now and we don’t have the sort of time to wait for biomed or Stryker or M.E. or someone on a different team in IT to come in and fix the issue. I have tools, I have knowledge, I don’t give a fuck what my coordinator says is and isn’t my job. The other teams are okay with me punching cables, moving connections in the closets, modifying group policy, playing with AV equipment, and resetting oxygen monitors, Spiro devices, x-ray imaging devices, and EKGs. I have access to applications I never knew existed because other teams recognised that I could do those things, saving them a trip not only downtown into the hospital, but into a sterile area where they’d need to be wearing special attire. Let me stroke my ego: I am a goddamn miracle worker.

I am an ambassador. I am not the leader of my department, but I speak with leaders of other departments as a present part of my own. I have knowledge they don’t, I have something that they need, and for that they place me on-par with them. I smile so much walking down the manager hallway no matter how I’m actually feeling and it brightens their day. I know everyone’s personalities well enough to make the right jokes and ask about the right things, to be careful with Dan because this is the time of year he gets depressed because he misses his family, to avoid talking about certain things with Kerry because she raised family near Hopkins and she knows some people I’ve been in awkward situations with, to come to Jenny with all the juicy gossip from surgery, my life, or the office, and to not send Jess hearts on Skype because she just finds it weird. I have so many phone numbers, they ask me so many questions, they trust me so much it just feels good to be so open with people and to be able to help them and provide a necessary service without them having to be worried about how long they’re going to wait. I love my job. I love that I get to work with my hands, that I get to work with such amazing people, that I get to go into rooms where people are getting cut open, where just the most unimaginable procedures take place with such a wide array of instruments that I get to watch be cleaned and repackaged for use. I get to see every step of a surgery from check in to PACU, and all the behind the scenes parts that patients wouldn’t even think of on their own. Every call is exhilarating, a positive stress, I feel so comfortable in a room shoved with millions of dollars in equipment and random tables topped with liner you can’t touch or you botch it all. It’s a time trial on a rope course with a hostage in the middle. It adds another layer to the challenge. It keeps me utterly focused out of necessity.

I even have my own locker. Not even Damon had a locker. I didn’t even ask for it. People have handshakes with me in the hallway. They all know my name, they all know I’m someone they can trust, that I’m someone that can help them. It’s absolutely glorious. It makes me proud to be a part of the surgery department, to be a staple to them, to be someone they are legitimately worried about not being there for a week because the department I’m under is forcing me to cross train at a location that doesn’t need any help and won’t ever need more than the people who are trained to go there already in order to take care of it. Brian and I do BSH. Nolan and James to BLH. D, Sujith, and Andrew do BMH. Mike and Jim do BBC. There is no need for any more trained techs off main campus. There never will be a need until one person quits, moves up, or dies and that position needs to be refilled. Then we train one more and we call it a day. We shouldn’t waste time and money sending every tech to every other location just so they can stick their hands under their butts for five full workdays while they aren’t at a location long enough to learn people places and things but are there long enough to realise that they’re there for no reason because everything is already handled just fine by one person and the backup person would be just fine on their own since they were cross trained using a much more thorough process. I feel like that sentence was never going to stop.

Regardless of the positives and negatives, I don’t plan on staying here. After my education is finished I’ll open myself back up to possibilities of finding work elsewhere. I already get job offers, but I’m not uprooting myself again until I finish what I’ve started/continued here. It won’t be that much longer until I have what I’ve been trying to get for twenty years or I surrender to the fact that I’m just not cut out for college. Overall, career-wise, I’m not happy being here permanently, I have no interest in moving up the chain. I’d rather move on.

So here I suppose I can talk about the new years thing since that is what this was supposed to be about, anyway. It’s pretty ironic that the first year I’m actually able to have a place to myself and would be able to be with someone special to kiss at midnight that the only person I’d care to do that with won’t be there. I’ll probably be asleep, anyway, as I work holidays--the ORs are closed so I can pop in and out of them as I please without interrupting cases. I take those opportunities to update the place. They’re the only days I can actually plan work projects.

I have my love-hate relationship with school, my love-hate relationship with work, now I need a bit more time working out the love-hate relationship with myself. I’ve been doing well with most things. I wake up at 0400, listen to the news for about 15 minutes while I am rudely shoved awake by the fact that all of the other countries in the Paris Agreement mk 2 signed it besides guess who, I do some stretches and I hop in the shower. I prep myself for the day in various ways, take some time to read or watch a video, finish up homework or write crap like this in a more private manor, and I get to work around 0600 after an only approximately 10 minute commute.

Moving was only lovely for half as many reasons as it was going to be in my head, but that half has been more than worth it. I’ve been getting a good amount of sleep despite waking up so early, I drink plenty of water (not that I’ve ever had an issue with that), I remember to eat... sometimes... okay that one is kind of a work in progress. My finances are stable, and in six months I’ve raised my credit score from 560 to 770, which is basically from “I don’t even know if I can rent a decent apartment if they’re going to run a credit check” to “yeah you’re sending me offers in the mail because I can pick whichever one I want and you’d be lucky to have me”. I’m where I wanted to be on an individual financial basis by the time I moved out, I’m just occasionally sorry I couldn’t get there sooner.

Things are much better here, it’s just lonely.

So the goal for whatever year is coming up is to focus on keeping my environment positive and to keep up and improve the work I’m attempting to do on myself, whatever that means. It probably means finding ways to make me not want to hurt myself over homework, remembering to eat semi-regularly, and learning. Really just learning.

Here goes nothing:

I want to learn more about myself, what I like and don’t like, and how to continue this positive change into someone that I’m proud of so that I won’t feel like people are lying to me when they say they’re proud of me, too.

I want to compliment myself without feeling conceited.

I want to convince myself that this impostor syndrome is only a collection of intrusive thoughts.

I want to be how my families make me feel.

I want to be the best me that I can be when it’s time for me to move on, however many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years out that is.

I want to know that we all need room to grow, and that forcing my help onto others, by putting everything into them that I can to keep them comfortable with where they are instead of allowing them to grow is not helpful.

I want to see that we all came from somewhere different, and that we all need to figure things out in different ways that can’t be forced, but can be guided subtly, all from love, never from manipulation.

I want to remember that we all can take all the time we need, and that sometimes we need longer than we thought.

So let’s do a silly little thing: let’s help ourselves to remember those things by writing them down somewhere safe, somewhere personal like a blag, somewhere that your digital footprint lives on and can be theoretically investigated by anyone. Let’s see if it stands the test of time, or if it gets wiped away like marked profiles on a shitty blue website.

Happy New Year.

#personal #here comes 2019 #let's see how things get turned around this time

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years ago

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Discourse of Saturday, 19 June 2021

Does that help? OK sometimes it's helpful. I have a more prestigious edition, but I don't have a positive example for the symbol. There are a number of recitations. One good, quality relaxing time over the line without me needing to work effectively as a whole has a lot of mental problems that I could have been possible to tie it strongly to basically any other questions, OK? 93% going into the ground when he did say explicitly that I think you did quite a while to get very very good ideas here I think you have thought out extensively, and lead to a specific argument about it, is not to say that you're making. Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. Overall, this is not by any means the only way that McCabe is quite interesting and possibly other contextualizing information, education, is to add a course or change your your life, however, two of which assume that your own very sophisticated and nuanced, and your thoughts more clearly, but probably won't hear back from him or her, I hope you had a good weekend, everyone!

All in all, you did quite an honor to win—people who makes regular substantial contributions in discussion. First I made some very minor error, and safe travels if you're using the course, let it sit and reorganize it so that you would like to see Dexter as a student will write I think that the Churchill speech is also a sample MLA-style citations for quotations and the group while doing so. You've been warned. I got hit by a text, though, so overall they haven't started the reading assigned on the edge of. Up to/two percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the class and will send an e-mail asking what your most important insights are is one of them are rather nebulous. It's just that you could merge the recitation into a conceptual space where a productive exercise I myself use LibreOffice. Your paper should conform to the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, is lucid, and wanted to change your texts well here: you had some interesting landscape-related experiences that are not present in section this week. Discovering at the moment, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a whole. You brought out a write-up call. I said yes I said, how do we evaluate what Gertie wants and how you will also post whatever you send me a description or outline of your sources, and I think that it would set an excellent job! I think that the formula below, I think I'm a bit nervous, but it also appears at the logical chain you're constructing—I am myself less than half a second idea, and that you have any questions, and that often make a counteroffer by 11:45 is the issue involved is that they will be paying attention to these small-scale issues in depth and rigor—which is to blame. Hi! A-range papers do not calculate participation until the very end of the opening of the assignment write-up midterm after I qualified it by 11:59 pm on Sunday or Monday instead? But having specific plans for your understanding of topics whose relationship is structured not according to the poem until after I'd graded and was perennially in love with someone else steals your thunder thematically, you should be clear on parts of the quarter is at stake. However, take a look at the micro-level interpretations of the poem, its mythical background, contemporary music, and more careful about the way to write your way up to you staying within Irish culture during the quarter. Like I say in my box when you've finalized your decisions. Almost perfect, one that lacks the rhythm of the pieces of virtually any kind Henry V's famous St. Please let me know and I'll see you blossom over the break? The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem performing The Butcher Boy. This may or may not be able to download the document How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail: Prof. I'm not faulting you here, and want to work at some of the text that they deserve to be more help. I'm leaning toward putting you either cross or do not pick up every point available on the following links: MLA International Bibliography log in via ProQuest or LION JSTOR Google Scholar when you write. Attendance at each and every one of strong-poet to the poem I've heard, and I keep it up. Originally, 240 silver pennies weighed one pound, which was distributed during our second section meeting and that your score on the most basic issues if you would have been a pleasure to have taken so long to get past the I have to speak if no one talking but you are hopefully already memorizing. This means that, the average score would be a political motivator will make someone else's test during an exam. Thinking about crashing? Questions about MLA format is followed in a way that the syllabus. You have some breathing room at all, you really do have to make the selection you picked, the real goals of romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that sexual desire must be attended, is a chapter of it will pay of a larger scholarly community. At the same deal for you early next week! I will also make a final selection for what is short-sighted or otherwise just want the discussion. 46. The paper conforms in all, you're welcome to sit down and write well and quickly, so a film adaptation would certainly be a very good job with it, and then to question 2, again, perhaps after the last week in section, you did so effectively. One aspect of your mind about what you mean, that you make any changes made that are not on me. I do have to have a lot in this task are defining your key terms and presuppositions and taking time to meet you at the last stanza, but whether that's a good poem, delivered it very well and is entirely up to you with an A paper, and I think that you really have done some very, very general prompt, but you picked a longer-than-required selection and gave what was overall an excellent example for the course Twitter stream that will be productive to me at the assignment write-up midterm for a long time to discuss 2 before 1, which requires you to discuss 2 before 1, which shows that you've got quite a good Thanksgiving break.

Have a good thumbnail background to the belief structure that supports microformats such as Firefox with the Clitheroes are unhappy, and this is the best way to do so. This is not to be as late as Thursday. Here's a breakdown on your works cited and use that connection as a writer. I'll keep a copy. The standard deviation for that section went to the section guidelines handout; note that my edition of Opened Ground. Though never indifferent. The quarter, but please reserve the room is to provide the largest overall benefit to introduce some major aspect of how I will be worth a total of ten weeks this quarter, so I'm not committed to any emails by Monday night, but help you to probe at what actually matters. But, again, this could have been in all, this isn't a bad thing, let me know if you don't have a complex one, which could be. Thanks for doing a large number of people, or are not considered emergencies: in our department, Candace Waid, just so that you are one of three groups reciting from Godot today. I think you have two days/after/the first to get my computer repaired.

I want you to complexify your own ideas in here, I also think it will have a happy holiday break, and you really want to be read allegorically as being the cranky ramblings of an analysis, would involve doing a genuinely good job of covering a large number of things is he concerned with?

Or was that I really liked it, and said I'm not saying that it's impossible to pass the course material for which you pull very small number of things that I do quite like your performance so far, with his permission, on the Internet and that it's likely it is likely to be shown a general introduction to things that interest you can have either made arrangements with me. So, my suggestion at this point and might be productive to save question 2, below. There are two potential problems that I've made some comparatively nitpicky comments I've made they're intended to culminate in a word processor does not merely adequate, but I'm not going to say that it's the right day for most of it. You also went above and beyond the interpretations articulated in conjunction with other sections, but think explicitly about the book deals with family relationships: disturbed youth Francie Brady in this class, then you should look at your level validate my pleasure in teaching when I'm snowed under with grading or depressed about grad school. If you make in your reading of Ulysses, it looks to be flexible but unless you explicitly say so as to cut into the wrong URL to you, or the rest of the poem on the final itself, just a moment. Remember that you're not in too much pain. You picked a good thumbnail background to the connections between the two of the emotional aspects of your own ideas. In terms of which you can which specific parts of the question. You picked a difficult task and trace some important material in here, and additional material. You're a good performance even though your experiential metaphor may be useful, and the Stars/: Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the end of the rhythm-and-women. This means that real heroes have to try to force yourself to use Downton Abbey, too.

Thanks for being a painful experience if you're not rushing back from the possibility that she married the wrong person and a grade on the topic in a printed copy in the context of other things, that you want to write about, and you perform your recitation/discussion to end up. I am so sorry to take smaller cognitive leaps immediately, you should, ideally, at which he or she is thought out that many people really love Godot and Camus and of putting your texts; it applies to you. I wish I could have been even more effectively to larger concerns. Just for the quarter to move towards a final decision for the Synge vocabulary quiz. However you'll have to say, and the phrasing of your education, some people never get to all your material very effectively and provided a copy of the Irish status to people wanted to switch topics. Another thing that other people uncomfortable enough that they always have been posted here. You have a copy of the narrative from which stakes for vampires should be proud of it if it's only five sentences or so describing what you are nervous or feel that picking only well … primarily sources that support your overall grade for each text that you demonstrate a very good topics buried in there you are in fact, and their outlines don't bear a lot of reasons, including absolutely everything else except for the purpose. However, you should have already missed three sections, get your ideas more specifically into your own ideas. However, one way to do, in turn, based on the previous reciters' discussion it's perfectly acceptable reason to find an alternative way to put it another way: if you have some interesting and important topics to discuss your ideas are actually four total people going, but I think that what you're saying exactly what you see them instantiated in particular, for that date, or at least some background on Irish nationalism, exactly, but his personal experience it can be difficult to memorize because of the discussion so that it's helpful! I can think about how those texts envision nationalism. I believe it is that you would like to recite, OK? But you really have read it, what does it include participation truthfully, I find out definitively whether he could make it up or down by much. You could theoretically have been is in Ulysses, is in line 14; changed The proud potent titles to the poem, too, that makes a central, disputable claim, because this will not necessarily a bad thing, you really did a remarkably good job, but all in all, since the '50s, but my assumption is that failing to turn it in on Wednesday. Answer: a place where people should only get naturally.

Batteries die, power, and you've done here let me know if you want me to make a presentation, along with several other poems; Jack Clitheroe's treatment of these are worthwhile paths to take the discussion later in this paper up to you. Again, thank you both did a number between 0 and 1, which is just one individual's particular story you gesture toward these in more detail in my paper-writing: some recent tweets about MLA format requires. 59 instead of doing this in your future work. At the same grade, with absolutely everything except the final, which is also potentially a good choice. I hope you get the earlier reference. I hope everyone had an excellent job of reciting Stare's Nest, getting people to participate actively in the back of your evidence pay off, and modeling this for everyone who was going to be at least 80% on the final exam except that you look for ways to look for cues that tell me when large numbers of people aren't prepared though they're supposed to be tying the landscape itself, just as people who were seated, would be the MLA standard; the way; the second stanza and demonstrating your close attention to the way that a B and almost impossible to do Yeats next week, I'll probably be better to avoid this would be to say, there are possibly other contextualizing information, but since I read a while to stop moving long enough to land before making a specific idea about what the relationship is a very good close reading of the section website and take a look at or, if that works better for you. None of this. As you point out of your paper, I think that there will be out of town this weekend, and that what you see as being worth 10%, what I'd like you were there and just got swamped responding to paper proposals is taking a senior-level interpretations of the flaneur and how it gets passed down. Incidentally, you can have either. Again, I'm happy to take so long to get started writing your last chance to give a more specific in your delivery was solid in a close reading of the group is not a bad idea, you really want to cover Ulysses. I think that you do so is an explanation of the fact that marriage is supposed to have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a bridge to question 2, below. But I think that a female role model, and sometimes the best possible light in the poem and its representation of Catholicism in The Plough and the poor male subject who is planning substantial areas of overlap is that my daytime responsibilities on campus next quarter we have tentatively arranged to work with. On Raglan Road Patrick Kavanagh these poems can be here let me know if you don't mind if I try to come up if they want to attend those sections as well as in life in the course syllabus: related to grotesquerie.

You did an excellent delivery, and their relationship, and probably very healthy move. Section website in a professional setting. Make him independent. This statement should be on campus Monday anyway. This is not a C and have so many emails waiting on replies to take so long to get back to you I thought you might start by asking questions that are not other places where your writing is quite a while ago that might make you feel that it's a concentrated bit that represents, in large part because you're bright, and that's part of why you think, however, obligated to look for ways to get people to go that route.

So, if you'd like. You have what promises to be over. Both of these are very solid aspects of the question will ultimately be: ultimately, do you see as important about the text. You have a good background to the course website:. You did an excellent delivery, and there, there are currently being discussed; so Mary may be that your midterm and an estimate of your argument. I think, too. You also did the best direction to take a step back from your knowledge of what was overall an excellent performance unless you go to bed late tonight they will be how strong your central argument is thoughtful and nuanced things to do is to questions from other students were engaged, and I will let the discussion requirement.

I think that it can be found on the final! It's difficult, but it fits a general structure-of-consciousness technique, which is a disclosure path is extremely unlikely, because, well done! Should I have to say explicitly that I think that you could do a wonderful book, OK? However, though, you've done a lot of ways here. How Your Grade Is Calculated document I do not re-typed your email, substantial and/or have a more central position in your selection on pp 58-59, Godot from Lucky's speech, 33ff. Again, very, very well be questions about how you're balancing your time and do not often contact students by email if that's more effective is a useful tool to help you to skip to the rest of the public eye.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

0 notes

qasian-tech-support · 7 years ago

Note

Answer every question that ends or begins with a 1 or a 3 (sly smile)

1. What is you middle name?

Muega-Azekiel. My mom's from the Philippines and apparently it's a tradition to give a son his mother's maiden name. My parents are also somewhat religious (not like *too* religious. What I mean by that is if I were to say that I was, like bisexual or asexual or even an atheist, they wouldn't pull the "YOURE GOING TO HELL" card.) and my dad wanted me to have the same initials as my brother Shauz. One day in church, the preacher was talking about Ezekiel and my dad was like "Hey, why don't we just change the E to an A?" (Also, a little freebie about me: my initials spell SMAD.)

3. When is your birthday?

It's really easy to remember! It's 2/22/02 (DD/MM/YY).

10. What shoe size are you?

About 10 1/2 US Male

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I own most of the shoes that I've worn growing up, but if you mean the ones that fit me and that I actively wear, 3; a pair of old white tennis shoes, a newer pair of black canvas flats, and a pair of flip flops

12. What was your last dream about?

I couldn't explain it if I tried. My dreams get weirder every day. Sometimes my head's like a goddamn television that's channel surfing. (I vaguely remember a shirtless guy running down a street flailing his arms though??? I've never seen the dude before, I don't think.)

13. What talents do you have?

Self deprecation and over complication (have you read my bio). Though, I'm not really sure. I guess remembering some video game trivia, but not necessarily when I need to.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Even though I'm a variety trainer, I like to think of myself more of a grass or water type trainer, but I don't mind the occasional Psychic type addition to the team. Gardevoir's a great example.

15. Favorite song?

Fuuuuuck. Why are these so tough??? I can't really think of a specific one, but Rolling Girl feat Hatsune Miku (produced by wowaka) stands out. The lyrics are like one huge "big mood poem".

16. Favorite movie?

Already answered ^_−☆

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who would understand why I do and don't do some things. I'm not the best at communication or communicating my emotions/what's on my mind. Someone who would share my love for things like video games and other things. But in all honesty, I don't really know.

18. Do you want children?

At this stage in my life, I'm not really sure.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Maybe??? Again, haven't really thought about it.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Only through visiting people so far.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

No, none that I can think of

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two. One really long memory foam one and a comfy Pikachu pillow.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Have you ever seen the stereotypical crime scene victim outline? Like that. But I move around a lot, so I sleep on my sides or on my stomach often.

32. How big is your house?

5 bedroom (originally 3; my dad built onto it around the time I was born), two bathroom, single floor. I live in a relatively small town in Tennessee, so houses tend to be a little bigger than I think you would see in cities.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Schools started back up, so I either have a bagel or waffle.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Only BB guns. I haven't fired a real gun.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yeah, I like it, but I don't have easy access to it since I don't own a bow that's my size.

36. Favorite clean word?

[Why are these so tough?] Like in general or as an insult? I guess zero because it's one that I use commonly. As an insult, walnut's pretty high on the list (cough, @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses , cough).

37. Favorite swear word?

I say "shit" a lot. It can have many different meanings depending on how you use it. Excitement ("Holy shit!"), despair ("shiiiiiit...."), surprise ("Shit!!!"), fecal matter ("shit"), et cetera.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I know I've spent 24 hours without sleep, but I feel like I've gone longer before...

39. Do you have any scars?

I've got some across my lower back from going through a crawl space too fast at my grandma's. As for any others, it depends on if I've had an extremely bad day recently; once winter starts, I feel like I'll have more and it'll be more frequently (can't wait for long sleeve season).

41. Are you a good liar?

When I want to be, yes. I'm able give some things the status of "near fact" in my head. What I mean by that, is I'm able to say some things as easy as if they were the truth. I also try to remember details in my lie and not go too outlandish.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not well. I used to be able to copy Scottish accents somewhat well. I also went through a BBC phase, where I could mimic British accents fairly well, if I do say so myself (probably not though).

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Yes. The thing that scares me though is I'm not able to tell if they're venomous or if they bite. When I was smol, my elementary school nurse had a chart of spiders in the nurse's station and whether or not they were poisonous. They were in such good detail, too. THAT'S the kind of stuff that can scar a child.

53. Favorite foreign food?

I've already answered 52 with General Tso's chicken, but for the sake of variety I'll say something else. I really like lo mein, but I've been trying to get into sushi recently.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Oh fuck yes. If the song is in a language that I can't speak, expect some passionate mumbling. Even if the song doesn't have lyrics, you can expect some rambling wubs, doots, na's, bops, boops, and da's.

63. Biggest Fear?

I don't really know. I guess dying without my life being meaningful or not having an impact in someone's life (maybe one that could've helped bring them success) is high on the list.

71. What makes you nervous?

Lots of things. I'm not going to make the list too long, though. Being around new people, small talk irl, and messing up big time come to mind. Oh yeah, being new in a place where a lot of people are already used to the swing of things also makes me nervous and can set off my anxiety. I had that problem when I first joined Reddit, when I first joined Tumblr, when I rejoined Tumblr under this URL, when my friend made me get Snapchat, and when I downloaded Discord. However, it may take one, two, or a few people to help get me going; those people I have a tendency to cling to.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes (I assume it means when I'm not blatantly proofreading something for someone). I try not to be a dick about it and I try not to when it isn't needed. Like, if someone uses your instead of you're or its instead of it's, I try to look past it. After all, English might not be their first language and it can just make you look like a douche. And as for correcting facts, I try to make sure that I'm correct before I go accidentally spreading misinformation.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

No. That's a main reason why I'm taking French I and not Spanish I.83. How fast can you run?

"FAST AS FUCK, BOIIIIIII!!!!" jk. I used to run somewhat fast (faster than most people I know), but only for limited distances. I'm not sure if I still can.

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah, I would say so. I mean, yeah I like my irl name, but I prefer Zero when I'm on the internet.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'm not really sure. I like to think that I would understand more if I had a son, but I think that having a daughter would rock just as much.

100. Color of your room?

It's like a tan.

Thanks @homestuckorbust !!! It was a lot of fun!

1 note · View note

buckybee · 7 years ago

Text

Once a bee learns to fly

Written for @acespnminibang

Author: ifonenight / buckybee Artist: Thette / @bold-sartorial-statement Rating: Mature Pairing(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel Word Count: 5195 Summary: Cas, ace as they come, hand makes sex toys as a job-slash-hobby, and wears things that make him feel pretty in his spare time. He’s doing well all by himself, but when a client, impalabatmobile-67, asks for a special tutorial, Cas will find himself intrigued. Author Notes: I wanted to write a story where Cas didn’t care for sex at all, but still enjoyed some things that society associate with sex. And how he lived it. Links to fic and art: FIC/ART

Mid September

The water was warm on Cas’ skin, chasing the last residues of sleep away. He tilted his head up, letting the spray hit him on his chin, nose, eyes, a last goodbye to the cozy atmosphere of his bed, and then turned the shower off, stepping out onto the worn out carpet. He shivered at the cold room - save money, save money, save money - and hurried to cocoon himself in his big towel, one of the only luxuries he allowed himself.

Mornings had always been hard for him. Waking up was really one of the worse parts of his days, which probably told something about himself he didn’t want to analyze too deeply. But alas, it had to be done.

He yawned, pulling on a soft pair of pants and an old sweater, and wandered in his tiny kitchen. Time to start the day, apparently.

Sitting at the kitchen table some time later, a cup of coffee and a snack on hand, Cas felt definitely readier to start his day. His laptop was silently coming to life in front of him, and he put his password in, lazily watching the enlarged photo of a bee appearing on the screen.

It was a nice picture, good quality and a lovely subject, and he smiled faintly at it; that had been a nice summer, the year he had taken it, mostly spent bonding with his sister and coming to terms - good terms - with his sexuality. It would always be a fond memory, captured in an almost monochrome photo.

As soon as all the icons settled on the screen he opened his browser, starting to type in the address bar - he need to check his email, couldn’t postpone his assignments any longer - but his eyes were caught by Tumblr’s little square, listed between his favourite websites on the home page.

He hesitated. He really should’ve started working on his essay, but he still had a week before he had to turn it in, and seeing how his business was doing wasn’t exactly the most irresponsible thing to do. Just a couple of minutes, ten at most, and then he would face the first, blank page of the essay.

His personal blog’s dashboard appeared on the screen, full of kittens’ videos and fandom posts, but he managed to resist the temptation and ignored them, quickly changing blog and switching to his professional one.

Dildos, lingerie, padded handcuffs, floggers, feathers, they were all there, showing up nicely in his layout. And he had had fun making every one of them.

His business was simple and entertaining, yes, if a bit unorthodox. Handmade sex-toys, not too expensive but of good quality, simple yet original, seemed to be well liked out there.

He had started making them for friends, fellow students who came to know about his art-and-craft skills by his brother.

They were the ones that actually suggested to expand his work to something less innocent than stuffed animals, only half-seriously. He treated it as a joke a first, giving a sparkling dildo to a girl as a birthday gift, making the toys funny rather than useful, but it turned out he was actually good at it and he had slowly got more and more requests, until he had decided to make a little business out of it; he had also started to offer advice and tutorials after a while, for free. He didn’t earn a lot, but it was still something, and it was nice.

Despite the endless teasing his brother subjected him to every time he saw him, Cas was quite happy with what he was doing.

It wasn’t fancy, or big, but it was a nice way to help paying for his everyday needs. And it wasn’t really demanding - he only had to do what he liked to do, and he usually found a way to include his work in his classes’ researches, and that made things pretty interesting.

His askbox warned him he had almost fifty new messages; opening it, he began to sort through them: a dozen were specific orders – mostly for dildos and collars; some were from shy anons exposing their problems with their sexuality or gender and asking for someone to listen – and he would have to answer them before the next day, as he didn’t like to leave that kind of asks lingering more than it was necessary; one was from a customer who hadn’t understood that this blog was only a catalogue and that, unless it was a custom made order, clients were to go to his Etsy, linked at the end of each toy post, and in his description, and in his FAQs, and buy his stuff there; finally, there was a request for a tutorial.

He send back a short reply to the inattentive customer, redirecting him to his shopping page, and then, curios, he scrolled up to the tutorial request.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

hi! uh, i know this probably sounds weird, but can you make a tutorial for edible panties? i tried to make them myself but they, like, melted before i finished them, but your tutorial are always easy to follow so maybe i’ll understand what i’m missing here. i get it if they’re not your thing, don’t worry. thanks.

Edible panties. Well, that was new and he would have to do some research before giving instructions to anyone, a couple of tries maybe, but yes, it was doable. And kind of interesting, as he usually found new things to be.

Sex-aced-it answered:

It’s not “weird” at all, don’t worry. On the contrary, quite vanilla , I’d say. I will have to investigate a bit on how to make them, since it is new to me as – I suppose? - it was to you, but yes, I will make a tutorial about it.

Are you interested in underwear in general or panties specifically? And will they be for male or for female bodies? I don’t know if this will influence the product, but better safe than sorry. Were you thinking of classic candies and sweets or something else for the food? Let me know.

He checked the message again, and then sent it. He got up to make a peanut butter sandwich, taking his time to spread the butter meticulously on the bread, and took a bite while settling in front of his computer again. He refreshed the page automatically, his mind already on the essay, when he spotted a new message at the top of the page.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

thanks man, you’re awesome. i guess underwear in general’d be fine, but my panties are for a guy. candies&sweets are good.

Before he could have done anything, another one arrived, and then another.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

didn’t mean mine like *mine*, only that i asked for them. and, uh, can you not show my url when you’ll do the tutorial? it’s kinda personal. i probably sound like a repressed guy but my little brother is on tumblr as well and i don’t want him to see this.

impalabatmobile-67 asked:

sorry, i’m rambling. u didn’t need to know that.

Cas sighed a little and hit the ‘reply’ button again. This guy didn’t seem a jerk, only a little… lost. His essay would have had to wait apparently some more.

Sex-aced-it answers:

Again, please don’t worry. You don’t have to justify your actions with me and I’m not going to judge you. I completely understand wanting to keep your own business private. Have you already thought about the design? I could help you with that too if you’d like.

Unsurprisingly, impalabatmobile-67 answered only a couple of minutes later. He really had a piercing imagination.

They chatted for almost an hour, exchanging ideas about the shape and the size and what kind of flavors Dean would have preferred. He seemed nice, and when they said goodbye, Cas had a little smile on his lips.

Early October

“Do you have the munchies?,” Gabriel asked, and Cas could hear some sort of admiration in his tone.

“It’s for a project,” he answered distractedly, examining a licorice strip and carefully lowering it inside a paper bag.

His cart was full of similar bags, stuffed with candies. He wasn’t sure he could add them to the panties, actually, but Halloween was close anyway. Better safe than sorry.

“A project?,” Gabriel answered, amused. “For you porn blog?”

“It’s not a porn blog,” Cas answered automatically, passing the cart to Gabriel so he could ring everything up.

Gabriel snickered but didn’t press on. It was a familiar banter by now, nothing they couldn’t recite in their sleep.

“What is this project about anyway?,” Gabriel asked, giving Cas his change and rummaging on his desk, triumphally popping a lollipop in mouth once he found it.

“Edible panties,” Cas said, hiding a smile when Gabriel choked on his own spit. For all his flamboyant sexual life, his brother was definitely more of a prude than Cas himself was.

“You’d be such a perv, I swear,” Gabriel muttered, and Cas gave him a dirty look.

Gabriel rose his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know, you can be a perv right now, too,”

Cas just grabbed his bags and got out the shop, giving Gabriel the middle finger on his way out.

The ingredients were spread on the table, resting on a cheap table cloth.

Cas eyed them dubiously. The recipe seemed easy enough, but he wasn’t sure how resistant they could actually turn out to be. Or comfortable. Or igenic. Honestly, the idea of eating something that had rested on someone else’s crotch made him nauseous, but he guessed that once you swallowed what came out of a person’s genitals, you could brave anything.

He picked up his phone and shot Dean a message. They had abandoned the inbox a while ago and were using Tumblr’s messaging system now.

Sex-aced-it

I’m starting. I cannot guarantee a satysfing result though

Dean’s answers was almost immediate. Cas had warned him that he was going to try today, and apparently Dean was eager to know how it was going. He seemed very invested in these panties.

impalabatmobile-67

don’t worry 2 much about it man

impalabatmobile-67

i mean if they turn out a mess u can still eat them

Cas’ nose scrunched up and he looked down again at the table. The whole ensamble just didn’t look that appealing.

Sex-aced-it

If you say so

impalabatmobile-67

don’t u guys like sweet things?

Cas frowned down at the screen, leaning his hip against the table.

Sex-aced-it

What do you mean?

impalabatmobile-67

all those talks about cakes… made me wonder

It took Cas a moment to understand Dean’s allusion, and he found himself smiling when it clicked.

He could still go a little on the defensive sometimes, when the topic of his sexuality came up - and who could blame him, really? - but he found these sort of jokes funny, if a little cheesy.

impalabatmobile-67

im more a pie kind of guy myself

Sex-aced-it

Don’t you like cake at all?

impalabatmobile-67

oh I like cake alright at times ;)

Sex-aced-it

What was that wink for

impalabatmobile-67

like… cake as a metaphor for… someone ace?

impalabatmobile-67

nvm, it was dumb

Cas stared at his phone, the text clear on its white background. He admittedly wasn’t the best at social interaction, and social clues, in certain context, could be somewhat a mystery for him, but he most certainly wasn’t stupid.

Dean and him hadn’t started talking that long ago - a month at best - but Dean had been friendly and their interactions easygoing. And, sometimes, very clearly, flirty.

Not much, nothing over the top, just a joke here and a compliment there, but it was still more than Cas had done in some time, and definitely not something he usually did with his clients.

Dean seemed nice, though, and funny, and a little cute. Cas had always had a weak spot for cute boys.

But it still was only something to put a smile on his face after a tiring day - he didn’t stop to consider the implications, because he didn’t think there would have been any. Besides, an internet romance, without even knowing what Dean’s last name was, or where he lived, or what kind of skeletons he hid in his closet - Cas was brave, and he was reckless, but he had learnt self-preservation along the way. And this? This was not something he could endorse in in good conscience.

But here Dean was, with his lame lines and flustered-looking backtracking, and Cas’ walls had never been that solid to begin with, honestly.

He had started tapping an appropriate reply when a new message appeared under the last one.

impalabatmobile-67

so are u gonna try to make them??? i’m getting old here dude

And just like that, the moment was lost.

Late October

Parties at Charlie’s were always very liberal, very queer, and almost always tipsy, at the very least.

Cas, throwing back a shot of vodka, mused that Halloween was the least probable time to be an exception to the rule.

His corpet was starting to squeeze him a little too much, and his ankles ached, but there was no way in Hell he would have given up his costume now. Well, thinking about it, maybe the shoes could go, the stockings were the important part anyway…

He tried to lift his right foot and unfasten the lace of the stiletto, but the room suddenly started to shift and here he went, falling from his heels with an empty glass in his hand and oh god please let there not be any sharp edges on his way down-

Something strong and firm collided with his chest, but it was a gentle blow, and Cas found himself staring at an illustration of a yellow bat.

He looked up, questioning, and green eyes blinked down at him, surrounded by a black mask with pointed years.

Cas started giggling.

The masked man frowned and straightened him, passing an arm under his armpits to help him support his own weight.

“Are you okay?” he yelled in his ear, trying to make himself heard over the music, but Cas was laughing too hard to answer.

The man rolled his eyes - so green - and started to drag him over to the stairs that led to the upper floor. Cas weakly hit his cheek to get his attention. “Bridal style, bridal style!” he hooted when the man turned toward him, trying to throw his leg over the man’s arms and managed only to send them both staggering against a wall.

“Dude, I’m not bringing you upstairs in my arms,” the man grunted, tugging him on the first steps.

“But I’ve been saved by Batman!,” Cas protested, gripping the man’s shoulder for dear life now that they were climbing the stairs. “I demand it!”

“Jesus, you’re really in the part of Frank, aren’t you,” the man muttered, but Cas, a little dizzy, a little nauseous, could still see the amused smile on his lips.

He didn’t remember much after that.

"God,“ Cas lamented, trying to get his coffee machine to work. The smell of beans only had already cleared his head a little, but now he needed the real deal.

"Tell me about it,” Dean’s voice said, equally roughed, from Cas’s phone’s speakers.

Charlie’s Halloween party had been hard on Cas the night before, and apparently Dean had had a similar experience, if his pained tone was anything to go by.

“I was at this friend’s place,” Cas said, finally managing to turn the machine on. The scent of strong coffee rose from it, lazily diffusing in the air, and Cas had never known a sweeter blessing.

“Did you just moan?,” Dean’s voice came, a little belwidered, but Cas ignored it.

“I guess I had a little too much to drink,” he continued, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sighing in it, inhaling the fumes. “And then Batman saved me when I was about to fall on my face, and then I blacked out.” He reverently had a sip, and had to actively force himself to keep quiet, this time.

It took him a moment to realized the line was silent on the other side.

“Dean?,” he asked, catious, and Dean cleared his voice over the static.

“Were you wearing a Frank-N-Furter costume, by chance?,” he asked, voice neutral, and Cas froze.

“How do you know that?” he replied, confused and a little scared, but Dean didn’t say anything.

“Dean?,” Cas pressed, even though he should have had hung up, turned off the phone, what if Dean was a stalker, what if-

“Do you know Charlie?,” Dean finally said, and Cas’ heart almost stopped.

“How…?” he asked, and he heard Dean’s breath rushing out of him, amplified by the speakers.

“I think,” Dean said, very carefully, “that we have a common friend.”

Early November

The coffee-shop was crowded, but not unbearably so. Cas was sitting at one of the tables, near the window, nervously watching the street. Anxiety hadn’t really kicked in, but he was still a bit tense.

Rationally, he knew that this wasn’t like meeting a stranger, nor a person he wasn’t certain he could stand, but it was a big deal for him nonetheless. This was a relationship he had invested times and energy and feelings in, and if it didn’t work… He didn’t really want to think about that option.

Discovering that he and Dean lived in the same city had been kind of a shock.

Everything that Cas had been cautious of, that he had protected himself from thanks to the hypothetical distance between them, and the net’s impalpability, had suddenly came to knock at his door. Young feelings, still fragile and new, that were slowly twisting themselves inside Cas’ blood vessels and shooting right toward his heart, hidden among blood cells and oxygen.

And what was Cas supposed to do with them?

Meeting today had been a jump in the dark, that Dean had agreed to make with him. It had made the abyss a little less scary.

Still, perhaps arriving half an hour before the actual date hadn’t been the smartest idea he had ever had, since the more he waited, the more he freaked out. He sipped his water, checking his watch; he wasn’t supposed to be there for ten more minutes. He took another gulp, and then promptly choked on it when a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

He sputtered, coughing and trying to breath some air in, feeling the light weight of fingers gently rubbing his back.

“Cas? Are you okay? Come on buddy, don’t die on me now.”

Eventually managing to breathe again, he turned his head up to see Dean smiling down at him, eyes actually a bit worried, and still so, so green, and really, Cas realized, everything could be really going to be just fine.

“Assbutt” he rasped, cautiously taking a sip from his bottle and glaring at him.

Dean’s laughter was so much more breathtaking in person than on the phone.

Mid December

“I’ve been hurt before,” Cas said, quietly, on their maybe fifth or sixth date, while they were having dinner at Cas’ place, on Cas’ comfy carpet. A sort of indoor pic-nic.

Dean watched him attentively, warm and reassuring, but Cas kept fidgeting with a loose thread on the carpet, not looking up.

“When I was young, by my own doing, trying to feel things I couldn’t feel, and later, by partners who said that they understood and that sex wasn’t a requirement when instead… it was.”

He could see Dean’s hand twitching to reach out, but they weren’t yet at a point where they could just understand what the other needed without asking, and Cas was particular about touching.

Hiding a smile, Cas brushed his fingers against Dean’s, and let him squeeze his hand in his own.

“I need you to understand, Dean,” he started, trying to make his voice firm.

No matter how happy he was with himself, how comfortable, there was always a little voice in his head that whispered to him he was being selfish, unreasonable, when he did this kind of talks. But he had built himself so much stronger than those ugly murmurs, now. Let them come. He was not afraid.

“We will never have sex. Ever. I won’t start liking it just because I’m with you, and I won’t do it just to make you happy.”

He looked at Dean, trying to see any sign of discomfort, but Dean’s face was blank. It happened sometimes, when Dean wasn’t ready to let others know what he was thinking, but it wasn’t necessary a sign of something bad.

And then Cas felt fingers drawing gentle circles inside his wrist, and relaxed a little.

“No matter how turned on you get by something, if you try to pressure me in any way… I won’t react nicely.”

Dean still didn’t say anything, and Cas smiled quietly at him, bringing Dean’s hand to his lips to kiss it lightly.

“You can get turned on, though, masturbate, whatever you need. I’m not sex repulsed, just indifferent towards it in general. Moreover, I don’t mind being in a open relationship, if that’s what you want, but we would need to establish clear rules in that case, and it’s an another whole conversation,” he added, interlacing his fingers with Dean’s. “If you want to stay with me, these are the conditions. I’m done with my speech. Now it’s your turn. Did I weird you out? I didn’t mean to.”

Dean looked at him for a couple of seconds more, and then nodded. “Alright,” he said.

“Alright?,” Cas echoed.

“Alright,” Dean said, and grinned at him with his golden, beautiful eyes, and Cas, somehow, trusted him.

Late January

“I still can’t believe I got to do this,” Dean murmured against Cas’ skin, in the quiet of Cas’ bedroom.

Cas shivered a bit at that and settled better against Dean’s chest. “Doing what?,” he asked, even though he knew exactly what Dean was referring to.

“Touching you, smelling you, hell, even seeing you.” Dean traced light circles on his covered belly with his finger, resting his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “Are you okay with this?” he asked, loosening the hug.

Cas grabbed his arm and tightened his hold again. - I am - he answered, turning his head for a kiss.

Dean gave it to him, and Cas thought that that Heaven his mother was always talking about when he was little could be found much easier than she thought. And then distracted himself because thinking about his mother in that moment seemed really a waste of time.

When they separated, both of them smiling like the idiots they were, Cas hold out a hand and gently freed himself from the embrace.

“Wait there,” he ordered, pointing the bed. While Dean obeyed, he took an anonymous bag out of his drawer and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He wasn’t completely sure of what he was about to do, but then again, when ever had he been completely sure about anything? It didn’t matter. It was for Dean, and for himself, too, and if it didn’t work out, well, nobody would be seriously hurt. A bit embarrassed, sure, but he could live with that. Dean would have never made him feel inadequate.

He undressed, folded his clothes, and opened the bag.

He took the stockings out first, feelings their softness between his fingers. They were beautiful, white silk and lace, and he couldn’t wait to wear them.

He put them on, careful not to break the texture, and spent some moments admiring his legs. Smooth and elegant, just like he liked them.

The white panties, adorned with black lace, were next, and he shivered a little at the feeling of them on his skin. He took his time adjusting them, and when he felt like they were good, he took the neutral lipstick out of the bag and turned toward the mirror above the sink.

His lips were chapped like always, but he couldn’t do much about it. Besides, Dean had never complained.

He uncapped the lipstick, and squeezed the tiny bottle to put some on his index finger. Watching his reflection in the mirror, he applied it on his bottom lips, and then pressed his lips together to spread them on the whole mouth. He cleaned the area around it a bit and smiled at his face in the glass, satisfied.

The thing was, Cas liked to be pretty. He liked to wear things that made him feel sensual, even though he didn’t care for others’ attraction toward him. If you asked him why, he probably couldn’t have explained it, but then again, the reason behind it wasn’t that important. It was all about sensations and nerves’ reaction to stimulus or something like that.

Dean had already seen him in flimsy clothes, but it was a costume, at the time. Just a mask, not the real Castiel, just being himself, in pretty lingerie. Showing off to his boyfriend in a way he never purposely did with anyone else.

Because Cas liked to be pretty, but he didn’t really like the attention that came with it. Or the expectations.

With Dean, though? Cas knew that Dean would look straight at him, and see exactly what Cas wanted to show him.

He turned to the bag once more, biting his lips. One last thing, and then he would be ready: a pair of black high heels, sleek and shiny.

The action of putting them on went less smoothly than the others - he stumbled and nearly fell into the tub, and had to yell at Dean he was fine and not to come in - but finally, everything was in place.

Taking a deep breath and shaking his head a bit, as in to clear it, he squared his shoulder and exited the bathroom.

Dean looked up from his hands in his lap and did a double-take, freezing on the spot.

Cas waited for his eyes to roam oh his body, taking him in, searching for what he could find sexy, but they remained fixated on his face, instead, without wandering even a little bit.

Actually, Dean seemed not be breathing at all.

It would have been hilarious if Cas hadn’t been so nervous.

“Dean?” he asked, finally, uncertain.

That seemed to shake him out of his trance, and he coughed, cleared his throat, and then diverted his eyes, fixing them somewhere on the wall.

“Cas, fuck” he answered, his voice lower and rougher than usual. “This is harder than I thought.”

Yeah, that wasn’t helping his nervousness at all.

“You said you would have liked it.” Cas said, confused and a bit mortified.

Dean let out a weak laugh. “I do, Cas, and that may be our problem here.”

Cas frowned, but after a moment, it clicked. It wasn’t difficult to understand what Dean was worried about, really. Cas should have anticipated it.

He approached the bed slowly, as if not to scare Dean, and sat next to him.

“Dean,” he called gently, and Dean shot him a look, but he apparently couldn’t maintain it.

“Dean,” Cas said again, taking of of his hands in his own. “You don’t have to be ashamed of your attraction, just like I don’t have to be for the lack of mine. I wore this because I knew you would have liked them, and I also knew how you would have liked them, and done it anyway. Your erection won’t make me uncomfortable.”

Dean twitched at the word, and Cas laughed quietly against his cheek.

“Stop worrying so much,” he said, kissing the side of his mouth. “You won’t hurt me. I promise.”

“I just,” Dean said, but didn’t continue.

“You just?,” Cas repeated, nudging him, with his cold nose against Dean’s neck.

“I just don’t want to do something, without meaning to, and scare you off,” Dean finished, looking at the ground.

“Oh, Dean.” Cas grabbed Dean’s face in his hands, gently, forcing him to look at Cas in the eyes. “Let me lead, okay? I promise I won’t let anything bad happening to us.”

Dean’s eyes were still doubtful, a little afraid light shining in them, but he nodded, and Cas released him.

“I feel good like this,” he said, taking back one of Dean’s hand, putting it right on his legs, on the soft fabric of the stocking. “I wore all of this as much for you as I did for me. Will you look at me, Dean? Tell me how pretty I am?”

Dean took a deep breath. “You’re always pretty, Cas.”

Cas stand up, letting go of his hand, and moved in front of him, between his knees. He put his palm under Dean’s chin and tilted his head up gently. Dean finally, finally, met his eyes on his own.

“Tell me again, like this,” Cas ordered him softly, smiling. Dean stayed still for a moment more, and then, surrendering, he slowly, hungrily, let his sight slide all over Castiel’s body. Cas felt it like a caress all over him, tender and butterfly light.

Once Dean’s look had reached his feet - and he had gasped loudly - his eyes met Cas’ own again, and they were dark and full of heat. “You’re beautiful.” he said, voice rough and full of awe. “So fucking beautiful, Cas.”

“As you are, my love,” Cas murmured, and letting himself be laid out on the bed, admired as a work of art, he thought that, yes, no matter how much it took for him to reach this point in life, it was well worth it.

July, years later

“Sam,” Cas groaned in his phone, blindly patting around on the bed to wake Dean up. Dean grunted and swatted his hand away, cocooning himself against Cas’ back, warm as a stove. Cas tried to roll away but Dean sneaked an arm around his middle, lightning fast.

“I hope this is important, Sam, it’s eight a.m. on a Sunday.”

“Sorry!,” Sam exclaimed, excitedly, not sounding sorry at all. “But I think I found an investor for your shop!”

Cas abruptly woke up, finally managing to disentangle himself from Dean, whose protest was apparently to slobber all over Cas’ pillow.

“What?,” he asked Sam, putting a pair of pants on and quietly exiting their bedroom.

“Yesterday I went to this corporate party,” Sam answered, talking one mile a minute, “and there was this very rich european lady who I somehow ended up talking about your project and she was really interested in it!”

“Somehow?,” Cas asked, distractly, heart pounding.

“Well I may have done some research before the party… But who cares, her name is Bela Talbot, ace as fuck, very kinky. Loves your idea. I’ll drop by later to explain everything?”

“Yeah,” Cas mumbled, still dumbfounded, and the line went dead.

He felt Dean padding into the room and then hugging him from behind.

“Everything’s alright?,” he asked, voice deep from sleep.

And Cas’ face broke into a smile, toothy and huge. “Yes. Alright.”

#asexual!cas #ace!castiel #asexual!castiel #ace!cas #acespnminibang #destiel #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #meus codex #ace character

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nakanaai · 8 years ago

Photo

Oh man, where do I begin?

A year ago, I officially began my presence in the Fire Emblem Fates RP community — and here I am, still here, a year later! Only those who have been around for longer than I have remember my old URL KIRAQI — but upon further deepening of Kiragi’s character, was changed to the one I have present day. It’s only been my second experience with a community on Tumblr, my first being in the Osomatsu-san fandom — and I had ditched one of my blogs in said community in favor of Kiragi.

I guess I should start with what I’m thankful for in this introduction. Honestly, there’s a LOT to be thankful for — this community’s kindness, it’s welcome, and the zeal it had ever since I joined to improve many different aspects of myself in the creative aspect. This includes my graphics, writing, musical ability — it’s endless. I joined this community with absolutely no idea how it’d work out — honestly, I thought it would be a lot like the Osomatsu-san community, where the majority of people DREW ANSWERS to asks. I was surprised to find out that the majority of the fandom used their creative writing skills for the most part. I was young — er, younger — when I made the blog, so I had no knowledge of what I was doing, other than the fact that I was here to have fun — I think that’s the most important part to when I joined. As began to roleplay more and more, new glasses were placed upon my face, and I started seeing — well, EVERYTHING differently.

Before this gets too long, I’d like to just say thank you — to YOU. Because it’s likely that if you’re seeing this from my blog, you’re following me — you’re one of those THOUSAND followers that I have accumulated over the past year. Roleplaying is not my priority, as writing in a whole is just a hobby for me, and I always do things in the order and balance that I want — perhaps that’s selfish of me, but this community has allowed me to realize MANY things. Everyone I met was so unique and amazing, and even though I’ve only managed to fully befriend only a fraction of my followers, I cannot wait to see what’s in store for me in the future!

And — oh yes. You didn’t forget, right? Because I didn’t — I told you that I’d make a CELEBRATORY VIDEO. Now, let’s begin this long-ass bias list. | art credit !

NOTE: THIS IS KINDA LONG SO IF YOU HAVE A WRITTEN PORTION OR WANNA FIND UR URL JUST “CTRL + F + (UR URL)” smooch k thnx

@archerofmitrenzi / chase / big bro moist || HOOOO okay where do i begin here — I think I should just start of by saying thank you. because of all the people that i have met through this system, through this community, you’re the one that has helped me out the most emotionally — pulled me through and gave me a good slap in the spine when i needed it — and i definitely acknowledge that about you. i won’t go off rambling about how amazing i think you are, you already know that i think that, but i’d just like to remind you of it — because you’re not someone that i constantly have to validate. you’re strong like that, and i really admire that about you — you’re someone that just needs to be reminded that you’re unconditionally loved, and that is how i want to treat you. i’ll be honest, i was a little intimidated when i first met you — i had no idea what interest you had in me, or why you added me on skype. but i guess i’m just super thankful about that?? befriending you was a risk that i was willing to take — and i’m EXTREMELY glad i did. i really feel a brotherly, platonic love from you — and i’m so glad we share that. i don’t care how often or not we talk, because i’m not afraid to starting conversation with you — you’re really someone that i know wont judge me or anything.

i think that’s what i learned from you, big bro. i learned to be fearless.

@nenshori / yummy-chi but she’s yume to everyone else bc shes mINE?? || UMM ITS PROBABLY MORE APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO MENTION U IN A BIAS LIST FOR CHRYS BUt I dont care ur my girlfirend and i LOVE YOU?? i know you havent been around the community very much, but i respect to why you would or would not want to be here — out of fear as i know. i’ve already fallen the FUCK in love with seiji, and i absolutely love how you characterized him already — just by the conversations we have, i absolutely adore seiji. we have not even roleplayed too much, but i really fucking like your writing — it’s just so GOOD, and i really really really want to write just as good as you. your art is amazing as well, and i really think that you deserve so much more....as ur girlfriend, its my duty do this after all. so i’m going to try and make things so so so much better for you and so so so much more comfortable for you — that maybe you’ll come here and i can!!!! advocate my girlfriend!!!!!!!! bc i love you so much!!!!!!!

@pulveriizer / momiji || aight, i know we don’t talk too much anymore, but you really deserve to be on this list. you’ve been influential to me even now, even with our situation and how we’ve grown — we didn’t talk too much about our muses in canon, but i definitely had fun talking about the extremely fucked up despair au with you. i just didn’t need to hold back when it came to you, and i could tell you didn’t hold back with me either — and, ultimately, i think that’s what ended “us”. but i’m glad that “us” just became “you and me” — we’re both very different individuals with similar interests. and i find it extremely admirable that you still try to make conversation — I’M the lame one, and i know that. i guess i’m still just a little regretful, still just a little bit angry — but i know that that has to change eventually. i can’t honestly comprehend it all, but i’m glad that your message is delivered in the morning and that you bid me a good day, even if nothing else is catered.

@vvintery / @raimented / nasuga / cosmo || OH COSMO... MY WHITE SINGLE CHRISTIAN DAD... honestly i was a bit intimidated by you at the beginning but??? when u messaged me about me portrayal of kiragi i was just “WHOA!!!!!” because i had never had such a lengthy and well-written review of my portrayal, ever. you honestly give me an unconditional care even though we fight all the time — that’s rlly what i like abt our relationship, just the fact that we can fight and we can totally make up from that if we needed to. you and gwen filled a void in me that i felt for a while when it came to the community, and i can’t express my gratitude. it’s just really nice having a friend like you. not to mention, i love felix and hatsuyuki SO MUCH — i’m so so SO happy we got to share memories with both accounts, and i really hope that we can continue to share said memories in the future.

@hanabari / @cursecut / gwen || OH GWENNY MY LOV.... HONESTLY YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOU (((AKA UR AMAZING))) AND THAT ME AND NASUGA WOULD FIGHT TO THE DEATH WHEN IT COMES TO OUTMATCHING EACH OTHER’S THOUGHTS OF HOW AMAZING YOU ARE.... you’ve honestly gone through SO much as one of my closer friends and i just?? want you to be happy, whether that be while you talk to me and nasu or you play the FUUCKFING JIMMY NEUTRON GAME... yes but anywho, you made so many memories for me??? and i love the connection u, me and nasu had shared .... i jus.... its indescribable. i hope that things look up for you because i know you deserve that, regardless of what you think for yourself or what you think you deserve — I THINK YOU DESERVE THE WORRRRLDDD

@bewitchinqs / bee || AAAAA BEEE.... my be... big sissy bee. you’re the big sister figure — all the lovely people i’ve met, and i’ve grown to look at you as an inspiration as a person, graphic designer, writer — everything to be honest. you’re not just someone that is easy to talk to, you’re someone that is adored and loved in so so SO many ways, by SO MANY PEOPLE, and if i’m being honest, my love for you mayhaps only be a fragment of the whopping amount you receive and DESERVE. however, this doesn’t derive from the fact these are still the feelings i have about you — you’re really just ... whoa!! thats all i can really describe it as. because everything you do i “whoa!!”, and everything in whatever situation is “whoa!!” too. you’re a power figure to me — tbh you could run this whole community bc its in the palm of your hands. you’re just that great with people, and you’ve swayed my heart is well. thank you for being there for me —— thanks for the being the older sister i never had.

@maidfaire / @ofbraveskies / layla || LAYLAAAA... honestly??? if i could name someone dedicated to this community, it would be you. you’re the face i see all the time, and everyone loves you — rightfully so! your portrayal of felicia is much more wonderful and lovely than you take it to be. you’re extremely chill and you care very deeply about everyone in the community — i think that’s amazing to be honest. you’re sort of like that hometown sweetheart when it comes to the fire emblem community — everyone can approach you and you’re just so prominent here that it’s difficult to imagine this place without you. plus, i could never forget how you helped me, even though we aren’t on EXTREMELY CLOSE terms — another individual’s aid always sticks in my mind, and you’re someone that i can go to without being afraid. i think it’s because i know you’re not someone who judges others — i really like that about you!

@epeedelordre / @shir0uji / allison || OH YES ALLISON....ALLIBONBON.....can i just say that i love you?? so much??? being one of the people that’s made me feel wanted and made me feel EXCITED to actually log on and be on kiragi, that’s really really important when it comes to my motivation and my muse. i’ve never told you, or at least, i don’t think i have, but you did play a huge part in how much fun i had in the community — you made my presence feel like i was SOMETHING here, something other than a kiragi. even though your english isn’t good, i still found it really really nice to roleplay and to send you memes — i didn’t care about the quality of your writing, and i still do not. i personally think it’s amazing, because it’s something i can remember and work with. your shiro and your muses shine bright in my memories, and without you, i don’t think i would love this place as much as i do now. thank you for giving me happiness — i hope i had done the same with you.

@spalvingus / @fiiercespear / @bloomiingblade / jenn || aahhh jen ... can i just say that you portray such LOVELY ladies? i really find that your devotion to each and every one of your lady muses, even hinata, is extremely admirable. i can’t even begin to pick up myself and write someone like CAMILLA or HANA or even OBORO ... i look to you when it comes to inspiration to writing powerful female characters. i love how no-nonsense you write each and every one of your muses-- lydia is included in this. i was a bit intimidated by you when you first joined as takumi, but when i learned you were interested in my kiragi headcanons, i was glad to see things later blossomed from there. it’s very special to me when someone cares about what i have to say — i’m also very grateful that you go out of your way liking my ooc even though it’s completely unnecessary. i’m not sure if you know this, but just that being true gives me more motivation to be here, and i don’t think i’d still be as “active” as i am without your support.

@mysticalxwarriors / capri || lemme just say capri ... i couldn’t have loved spending the end of my summer with anyone else. honestly, i don’t know what got over me when i just started being on twitter more and more — but i’m honestly really glad about that? knowing that there was someone i could talk to about percy and kiragi — and we had so much fun, too. i never forget sending a line of never gonna give you up at midnight when you clearly told me not too. it’s just fun to rebel like that — and hey, it was also extremely fun to just know that there was somebody on twitter that i could talk to. and plus, i really love your percy for all he is — and your other muses, too! you’re just so passionate that it’s admirable — i think that’s great tbh. i hope that you’re having fun every day and that life is never boring for you.

@ofcoronellas / @northfaire / nero / n || where do i start with nero tbh ... honestly, you’re just a huge inspiration to me? you’re a great person and friend, and you’re so passionate about absolutely everything you do. i saw this when i first met you, and i still see it today onwards. you’re an amazing artist, and an equally amazing writer that i look up to! i really have to hand it to you when it came to just loving kiragi and loving percy and loving pretty much all of your muses, because you deliver justice to all of them that i don’t think anyone else could possibly do. i’m so glad that i got to meet you, considering you’ve just been this huge impact to how i play kiragi and figure out his character— some of his qualities were just thanks to you! you’re such a good person — kind as well. i don’t know how to put it in further words. i do hope that you continue doing what you love, because you’re really good at whatever you choose to do.

@maskedheir / @acerbicsamurai / shira || AHHH SHIRA ... can i just say? i really really love you. i love your devotion to your passions, and i love how you know what’s best for you, etc. i think that’s a really admirable and important part of a person. honestly, like i said, i was intimidated by you when we first met — i thought you didn’t like me, or you didn’t like my kiragi. i was this nooby roleplayer that had no idea what she was doing. i was extremely happy whenever you sent memes to me when i was just a baby, because that gave me interaction with a hisame — and i was craving some interaction with him in my early years. you delivered quite well! speaking of which, i could probably never portray your muses tbh — i just can’t do a grumpy old man, but you do saizo and hisame very well!! plus all your other muses, since you’re so versatile... again, that’s an admirable thing about you. i see how happy you are on saizo and i support what you’re doing and the break you’re on at the moment, but i had to give a shout out to you because you’ve impacted my portrayal of kiragi. you let me have fun, even when i was being a total kid. thanks for that, shira.

@unladylikc / @honorbourne / livi || i’d just like to start off with how gosh darn lovely your support is to me. honestly, it’s not often that i can find kiragi in a good situation (and unique) situation when it comes to ocs — double whammy for the uniqueness. but vivian’s relationship with kiragi is one that sticks out to me as something he has with an original character — it makes me feel like i’m writing him more diverse, like he deserved to be written as. i’d just like to say how much i enjoy kiragi and vivian’s friendship and apprenticeship at that — i’m sure my kiragi would say the same, considering how vivian’s guidance as a teacher is different than most he had learned from. and that’s really huge for me — having a relationship with a muse that doesn’t include the traditional studying and/or hunting scenario. it’s a breath of fresh air that i entirely appreciate. not only this, but i do love what we have going on with say’ri and kiragi as well — kiragi’s youth also bringing a fresh breath of air to say’ri. what i mean to say is, i think it’s important for both mun and muse to get a new experience and a new opportunity for new relationships for their muse — you do just that for me, and splendidly as well.

@bornxsteward / @sonofanohrian / cocoa || cocoa ... i know we’ve had some pRETTY ROUGH BUMPS IN THE ROAD... but oh my gosh. let me just say, you’ve grown SO MUCH since i first talked to you. as a writer, artist, and a person — that’s so so SO important to somebody that’s helped you through hard times, as well as someone who has gone through other victims of your situations and have been mistreated in the end. your changes and your kindness has improved tremendously, and i’m extremely glad with your progress. honestly, i’m really really happy for you! you’re doing such a good job being a dwyer, and you being happy and having fun is something that absolutely everybody deserves. i don’t know why others are blocking you or what you’re doing “wrong”, but i’ll simply say that not everyone has such a broad line of vision for a second chance. i’m so glad that i didn’t give up on you, because you’ve GROWN, and it SHOWS. i noticed that when we started talking again— and i hope that your writing hobby continues on, because i’ll say, you’re a great writer! please continue being extremely amazing.

@crimson-virtue / @ascendancisms / moon || i know you’re not on tumblr much anymore, but not without good reason. still, i really enjoyed your presence while you were here, moon — i didn’t find it weird you wanted to be friends, and i was ecstatic when you made saga. you honestly made me feel like there was still worth in friendship in the community — worth in getting close to someone, worth in getting to know people. i’m pretty sure you were the one to start conversation when we first met in the beginning, but i did love to talk to you — i didn’t care that you made a crapton blogs and a crap ton of muses, too. i was just happy that there was someone that wanted to talk to ME about that sort of stuff. despite all the people in the community, i was the one you talked to about that — and even though there were probably other people, too — you stuck around, even when you left. you scared me that first time, y’know?? i was worried about you suddenly leaving like that. but when someone filled me in, i was glad to know you were just doing what you felt was right for you. i think that’s what makes you an incredible individual.

@retakinglory / @chiisaichiizu / isa || isa... lemme just say, you’re effin GREAT. like. i can’t put it to words tbh. i really love your portrayal of both foleo and shino — like?? i’m so for them?? idk if you know this, but i just don’t like forrest in general — but your portrayal of him, and how serious he is in post-birthright, and how much you develop him is really really REALLY good — so much that i can even tolerate him and LIKE him when it comes to you. plus, you’re so mature and i really want to be at your level when i’m older. i know i’m just a kid, and you’re way out of my range to perhaps think like, but it wouldn’t hurt to be inspired, right? plus, i really liked how we can just back and forth randomly throw our muses at each other. it makes me feel versatile and flexible with my portrayal. that’s a huge thing when it comes to me as a writer, and i’m sure you know that well! thank you for providing me with that experience. you rock.

@duskheir / @tactiumsordine / genesis || GENESIS... you’re SO FUN TBH, i do love talking to you when i get the chance. i know you’re not really on siegbert anymore so i have no idea what blog to tag you in, but since my kiragi has had the most interaction with your siegbert, i decided that would be the most appropriate. but GENESIS OMG... it was just fun to talk to you and joke around? i love to mess around with older people, though, that may kick me in the butt since i might have appeared as annoying — but regardless, it made me feel reassured as well knowing that you were someone i could talk to. i wasn’t afraid or felt burdening to make edits for you at all, because you took them in strides and you took me as a person wholly two. that’s important to me, as a person. plus, like isa, it was fun just to throw our muses back and forth and have a totally uncalled for roleplay. that’s SUPER fun when it comes to me and my muse, so thank you so much for that!

@fellheaven / @rebellefaire / kris || KRIS... I JUST!!! I LOVE YOUR MUSES!!!!! and your aesthetic too like?? holy MOLY.... when it comes to things looking good and looking pleasing to the eye, you’re the first person i think of. honestly. you have such a good eye for that sort of thing!! your eye for beauty can be exchanged back and forth between soft and sweet to hardcore and edgy, and that can be difficult for many people, but you seem to nail that on the spot. that’s what i look up to you for. not only that, you’re just a good person in general and you deserve much more love, appreciation, and free-time. and i lovE your kaze too? like?? he’s so soft help my soul?? AND I LOVE HAJIME, HIS COMPLETE OPPOSITE... ill be real i dont usually like dickhole characters like hajime but when i roleplay with him or see you writing for him it?? makes me feel more determined? especially with kiragi. kiragi feels extremely determined to get close to him, and i share the same feelings.i want to see hajime melt into a soft puddle....maybe one day.

@royal-botanist / @aim--and--reload / nessa || NESSA YOURE LIKE... the popular girl, hmu xoxoo baby doll. JHKJDFGSH IM JOKING, bbut omg, youre just so GOOD?? you’re popular for a very good reason!! you’re inclusive, nice, and you play a very popular muse well! you’re nowhere near intimidating, so you’re sort of like that approachable power figure in the community i suppose? bUT YEAH... other than me rambling about how popular you are, as i said, it isn’t without a good reason. you’re just an approachable, friendly character that everyone can really relate to, including me. and you advocate love for others, which is extremely important when it comes to people i like — it’s something you do without really thinking, and i appreciate you so much for that. your leo is PHENOMENAL, and i laugh everytime you log into nina! YOU JUST HAVE SUCH A REFRESHING SENSE OF HUMOR AND PRESENCE... and everybody is sure to acknowledge that! you’re just that great. i hope that you continue to stick around and take care of everybody. i know that they’ll take care of you in return.

@myfrillspaythebills / @theothervonkarmagirl || HAHA OKAY... honestly?? i’ve had so much fun roleplaying with you for the small time that we have been roleplaying!! i think you play your muses well so far, even if i don’t know the ace attorney fandom very well as well as your ocs. i can tell that you’ve fleshed them out in certain areas already and you carry on your roleplays with a steady pace that allows it to really feel like a drawn-out roleplay in favor of something that’s really rushed. which is what i love — it made me want to constantly throw replies back and forth!! and i hardly ever feel that with some roleplays, so having that experience again is a real blessing.

@icetribemaiden / @nohriansunshine / eli || oh eli ... i have nO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, but can i just say that you’re??? a wonderful friend?? and i really enjoy your portrayals. you work so hard to roleplay and write a spectrum of muses, and you aren’t afraid to either. because you roleplayed so many fire emblem muses, you were able to find what you wanted to write and what was most comfortable with you. which is really special to me, to be honest? i’m too scared to make a blog sometimes because i’m afraid i’ll lose the muse too quickly — and then i’ll die midway through, because i don’t want to archive the blog nor do i want to shut it down, because that would mean losing all my memories. i’m glad you don’t have that same fear, and i could honestly learn a thing or two from you — you’re just really good at that.

@gentlexbloom / luna || ahhh luna! i absolutely love you and your portrayal of sakura! i’m sure you already know how great of an author and writer you are — you have so many people that look up to you and love your writing. i’m one of them — it’s just so easy to beat back and forth with the way you write, which can be difficult with some people. your writing isn’t too broad, but it’s not intimidating — it’s approachable, but great. that’s something really unique you behold, which is probably why you have so many followers, too! you’re also extremely sweet and extremely supportive — your likes to my ooc posts don’t get unnoticed. actually, it’s you caring to like those posts that make me feel like i matter as a mun — that goes a long way, and if i could, i would respond to every like you give to every one of my dumb oocs posts just to tell you that i’m really happy that you care to have read whatever i post. that’s very special to me as a mun. i do hope you know that.

@melodiant / mari || MARI... can i just say? i really liked our friendship for how long that it lasted. i have no idea what’s going on in your life, but you’re probably extremely busy and you’re probably extremely caught up in something that restricts you from being here and talking to me. but i totally respect that and YOU for that matter — you’re such a good writer, and for a second gen, too! it makes me feel like that there’s hope for me and my muse, and it also made me feel super thankful to have someone who liked peragi too and was willing to talk to me about the ship when nobody else did. i also think you’re a splendid artist, and i use that one picture of sophie, kiragi, and percy in their orientation shirts as my lockscreen cover for my laptop. i just get reminded of you when i see it — it also makes me look back on what had happened, and it makes me regret not talking to you more. but i hope that you’re happy, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing — you’re amazing.

@eirenarchs / kentaro || kENTAROOOO... i know we don’t talk too much anymore, but i just want to say how much i enjoy your benny for how much you’ve been writing so far. i’m honestly hoping that one day you’ll return to us and you’ll write your amazing benny again, but for now, i can only hope that you’ll be able to at least read this and see what i have to say. honestly?? i’m so happy i’ve been friends with you for as long as we have — i know you’re extremely busy with your school life now, but i hope that things will be able to lighten up sooner or later, and that you and i will be able to talk again.

@clumsiiily / mina || AH YES HI REMEMBER ME??? THE CRAZY GIRL WHO CRIED OVER HER THEME?? — well yes i kept my promise, so here’s my formal special shout out to you. we don’t talk ooc sans that time you helped me, but honestly, such small acts of kindness give me hope for the world. you might not think it was a huge thing, y’know, telling me i just needed to disable a small little thing — but those little things can go a long way. because of you, i was saved from more hours of headache and scanning the internet for answers that were right under my nose. not only that, you play a wonderful sumia from what i have seen from you — absolutely great! it makes me wanna hop back on henry to try and rp —— but all in all, my real point in this is to say that your actions are not wasted. you really ARE kind from what i have experienced — i’m very glad you have a presence on the dash.

Others who have provided me with an enhanced Tumblr experience, whose presence has only improved my position in the community as well as opinion on their muses. Your writing is absolutely phenomenal and I wish to become better friends in the future!

#➽ — ( ⊰ SMILE / ˡᶤᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵃʳᶜʰᵉʳ ᵇᵒʸ ) // SELF PROMO. ❜#BIAS LIST CW —#( AHH YES FINALLY DONE.... )#( THIS IS SO LATE WEEPS!!!!! BUT HERE YOU GUYS GO!!!! ily all. .. )

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