#if only for the fact thst he would’ve known me for longer at that point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

curiously-a-dreamer · 2 years ago

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Growing up being deeply uncomfortable with myself and not knowing why (being unknowingly queer and ND) meant that there’s always this barrier between me and people. And like while yah the barrier is still there, the confidence I can exhibit because I know myself really makes things so much more enjoyable and also opens my life up to experiences that I thought were borderline made up.

#osy grumbles #putting this here just to sit for a while #I will forget it if goes to the war (drafts)#so look at me figure out my feelings #anyhow while this applies to many different things in life #this was mainly spurred by me #getting attention from men* in ways that don’t feel distressing or whatever #and like I know that when I’m even more comfortable in my skin #(re: gender affirming care)#my confidence is gonna go crazy #and while it’ll put a good bit of guys off?#It’s not like I command men’s attention like that anyway #I think I do come off as incredibly queer #and that already puts off a lot of guys #I don’t think top surgery is significantly reducing my already greatly reduced pool lol #one guy who’s trans (he’s not a trans man) told me he’d love me more post TS #if only for the fact thst he would’ve known me for longer at that point #and I’m thinking okay #I mean I’m a good looking guy I got some social conventions going for me #but I’ve been commanding attention that is mainly personality based #I’ve been getting out of my ‘feels like/is treated like a piece of meat’ era #so it’s really nice #anyhow shoutout to my journal #for the essay it’s gonna get later today when it’s a more reasonable hour to wake up

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