#if only for the fact that i dont wanna go out into the stairwell again bc it creeps me out on a regular day and nowww well im just fucking

[halfdeadwallfly]

super on edge rn part bc of the storm and because everyone is asleep but i noticed the back garage door was wide open so i slammed it and deadbolted it and ran, and now im in the basement which is normally nice but that's making me nervous too bc the lights were all on and the door was ajar which is probably bc my sibling was down here before they went to sleep but also like kinda fucking weird and unsettling seeing as the door directly at the top of the stairs was also wide open. also there's a giant fucking furry moth in the stairwell the likes of which i have never seen probably ever, let alone within my house which mostly just sees a lot of itty spiders and crickets and regular moths, not giant gorgeous specimens with spots and fuzz. also now there's weird tapping sounds on the window which is probably just rain but also it kinda sounds more like hail but i know for an almost fact that it is definitely not hailing rn so what the fuck is making those tappy tappy noises

[snirtsnirkarts]

Right so, this is my guy uh… Hold on I forgot his name. Ishbak Macroprososup, you can see why I forgot the name(plus the fact that it’s been almost like a full year since I last touched him. I forgot him like heaven did. I will explain that.) Used to go by Iskbak back in the day when the name was more common, but present day goes by Mac. Mac I had decided, was there all throughout history, just not memorable enough for Crowley or Aziraphale to care.

So Mac actually has a complicated history as a messenger, or a vessel. Except he doesn’t know that. To call upon the vessel, you call his name, Choncha. They just never told him for not only security reasons, because he possesses information from both heaven and hell, and was previously the communicator for both lands.

Mac was also a messenger for people as well, or just a vessel of good will or bad. Sent as different animals that would look more biblical angel like, but processes a power if you don’t look at him long enough, you wouldn’t notice this thing is not entirely one animal.

Some of my animal examples of him and a little colored in doodle to show his old coloring. There are little things he did to try and fit in, like dying his hair blond to look less demon like and more angelic, but he’s stopped since.

So that was his life before the war between heaven and hell. Which I made the fuck up but is mentioned in the show(I believe) but never mentioned when it took place. So again, made it the fuck up. I also never specify when it takes place. Uh, because idk I dont wanna decide that. Sure season three or something will clear this up. Again, don’t actually care that much.

Anyways, during the war, Mac’s wings got cut, giving him no access to heaven, but having not fallen, he wasn’t given access to hell either. He doesn’t know anything about elevators or stairwells or whatever have you. He really doesn’t know much of anything, since he is just a vessel without knowing it.

I had decided Crowley was there to sweep the lands when both parties retired or whatever have you. But finding Mac being abandoned, he hoped heaven would come back for him and spares his life. But on the other hand, heaven either forgot about him or thought he’d been a demon(do to the mud covered wings looking black).

So, Mac was left to roam the earth. He was found by a human while there. Who I don’t think I ever actually named, but is important and is based on my best friend.

So this human actually taught Mac basically how to live life. But of course, humans die. But while dying, our human promised to come back just for Mac. And without knowing it, had called upon the vessel to carry their memories until they got back. And now our human is reincarnated at random unassigned times. Although is cursed to always die soon after remembering Mac and their previous life. So when Mac found them, it was just a ticking time bomb. Mac eventually would feel awful for doing it and hides from his counterpart, not wanting them to have a shortened life. Unfortunately, their human is pulled to them and will always find him eventually.

Now eventually, I never decided the timeline on Crowley finding Mac, I think it was Aziraphale and Crowley find him together because they both now recall him over the years and shit, or a significant moment they had. Like Aziraphale and Mac had been drafted to war together, but faked their deaths with their platoon who all also died. Mac and Crowley, well, Crowley was there when Mac was stranded, and they had been in a few events together. So the two are like, “Um, it’s kinda dangerous to have an unattended…” They are not sure if Mac is an angel or a demon, and neither is Mac. He already has multiple sets of mismatched wings, it wouldn’t help solve it, and Mac wouldn’t pull out his wings anyways.

But Mac is definitely there when Aziraphale returns to heaven. Because Aziraphale looks into him and finds out he is Choncha. And since he is a vessel, Aziraphale can actually use him to get back to earth, see Crowley, and eat foods and such. Yknow, sin and shit. But it does have an effect on Mac’s psychic. As he keeps losing time and even his form is beginning to reflect Aziraphale’s liking. Dressing more like him and all. But, Aziraphale not being down there doesn’t know this.

Some doodles and dabbles of the inbetween stuff of that. And finally we bring in another person. My sibling’s self insert who I’m pretty sure I made up for the most part. Other than the design. They designed this character. Their name is Mastema, or it may be a temporary and because I forgot their actual one. Don’t remember and if I asked I don’t think he’d remember either.

I’ll talk about them next post because I have a little comic and limited photos I can add.

[trashcatsnark]

What’s your opinion on Kerry being available to only male V when it’s mentioned in-game that he’s bi (correct me if I’m wrong, I have terrible memory)?? I feel like they should’ve had bi romance options if they were able to implement both gay and straight ones.

Oh anon, oooooh anon. I love you dearly, but you intentionally or not might as well have thrown lit dynamite in my ask box. This discourse has been such a strange beast within this fandom and I have definitely shared some vague thoughts about it before. I’m putting everything under a read more, to help stave off some....harassment or putting it in people’s lives who may not want it. 

 I still remember I was frankly heartbroken and upset when I first learned Kery wasn’t romanceable by female V when the game first officially came out, but before I played it; River and Panam weren’t even really known about, cause they weren’t talked about much in the promo material,  plus Kerry was shown in romance scenes with what looked to be female V. So, if you go back far enough you’ll find me in December cope posting and being the saddest and angriest of beans, because other than Johnny who I knew was likely off the table. He was one of the only characters I wanted to potentially romance. Now, I’m further away from it, have  processed my feelings regarding it and am more rational I believe regarding the issue. 

But, that being said, a large issue of this sort of discourse is that; no matter what anyone says, someone somwhere is upset. I’ve been insulted, blocked, accused of fetishizing gay men, and so much over my opinion regarding this matter. I’m still currently debating if I even wanna tag this, cause the issue almost always brings negativity to my blog and to me. I have very little interest in being berated for this, so we’ll see how I feel after I finish typing this all out. I’m going to try to go through all my issues, my points, my troubles and feelings about the matter. But, at the end of the day, it is merely my opinion. If someone disagrees, fine, just don’t attack people or berate them over pixels in a video game. Just dont. That’s all I ask. Okay, so I’m gonna divide this into talking points and whatever, now. 

Firstly, Kerry is bisexual. Point blank, period. I’ve seen folks try to argue that his wife was like comphet, which if you dont know means that sometimes exclusively homosexual people will try to force themselves into heterosexual relationships because society has conditioned them to believe they have to be straight. While, I’m not negating the fact that this happens, as a bisexual/pansexual (I use the terms interchangeably to define my experience and feelings)  person I’ve struggled with it when making sense of my attraction to women. It genuinely is something that happens. This is not the case for Kerry; he doesn’t ever hide his attraction to men, between TTRPG lore and the video game he has had two wives , and he is stated by game developers and TTRPG creator to be bisexual.He is bisexual. Getting that out there, saying other wise, in my opinion is a level of bi erasure. That being said, I do still have my grievances with how the game chose to handle his bisexuality and bisexuality as whole, also imo, the game generally doesn’t seem...to treat players who are attracted to men well… 

But before I get into that, I wanna make clear, I feel like Cyberpunk 2077 should have had more romance options for every orientation. If you’re not going to create a player-sexual style of romance; ie where every romanceable character is attracted to the player regardless and wish to focus on each character having their own predetermined sexuality; only have one character for each sexuality is kind of bullshit. If you’re a lesbian player and you’re not into Judy, you get nothing, except a fuck around with Meredith (who I will get to later). You’re a straight woman, but not into River, shit out of luck. You’re a gay man who’s not into Kerry, sucks to suck bud. You’re a straight man who’s not into Panam (kind dont get how you wouldn’t be but who am i to judge), well, you can fuck Meredith… so woooo. Oh also, if you’re not attracted to women, you will still be forced to watch in first person pov a sex scene with Alt and if you want Johnny to like you, you gotta date a girl. Also, all the male love interests will be sidelined mostly…. Hooray… But I digress, either go in with all romance options bi/pan/player sexual, or give more options for romance. Cause now you have the issue of people not getting the partner they hoped for and not liking their only option. Now, you got people trying to make the Judy  bi, which is lesbian erasure and lesbophobic, along with people saying Kerry isn’t bi and can’t be with women which is bi erasure and biphobic. Whereas, if you had just gone in from the get go with either more options or a player-sexual romance system; we wouldn’t be here, CDPR. 

Okay, so next thing, now that I’ve addressed my issues with the entire romance system and that yes, Kerry is bi. Should Kerry have been able to be romanced as female V? Yes and no. Which sounds vague, but I’m going somewhere. With the current set up of it; Kerry being romanceable to a female V would have unfairly given female players an additional love interest over male players. Female V would have the option of Judy, River, or Kerry. And Male V’s would have the option of Kerry or Panam. That’s not fair. I get that, inherently. CDPR painted themselves into a corner, by only letting there be two romances for “each” gender, one for “each” sexuality, and then using a canonically bi character for one of them. They played themselves, they were either gonna have to give an unfair amount of love interest to one side of their gender system or make a bi character who will only pursue one gender. So, they went for the latter. 

Now, some people feel thats fine, because Kerry having a gender preference is fine and its okay for bi people to lean a certain way in regards to gender and its okay for them to not be attracted to people. And that is true. I am a bisexual woman who leans a little more towards men, I get that. However, I have only been given one reason for Kerry’s preference for male V over female V. And it was by a developer of the game who stated that Kerry pursues Male V and not Female V because Male V reminds him more of Johnny… And I hate that. I personally, hate it so deeply, because to me it does a complete disservice to Kerry and V’s relationship and Kerry’s arc. Because even with female V you see him being preoccupied with Johnny and V’s connection to Johnny, then you see him move past that. So, to then state, its still a deciding factor in him romancing V is so wrong to me. Like why???? Why would you do that to people who like Kerry??? Why would you put that in their heads, that Kerry on some level, subconsciously or not, was thinking about Johnny when he decides to romance V. Cause that’s not in the game, in the game you get the vibe he’s moving on past Johnny, like he’s growing, developing, genuinely likes V. But that stupid tweet, just radiates rancid vibes, whyyy???  

And then, outside of that nasty tweet, I have to ask what other reason is there for why he prefers male V over fem V.  They’re...the same characters essentially, just with different pronouns and body type. They also can look like whatever you want; they’re completely customizable. So, Its based off of what the game associates with  gender characteristics and nothing else, meaning, his attraction is rooted solely in their gender and he turns down fem V by virtue of them being a woman and nothing else. Which, yeah, bisexual/pansexual people have preferences but when that preference completely excludes a gender based on nothing but gender…. Uhh????? See my issue???? 

And I’ve seen people saying, well, its better than CDPR playing into slutty will date anybody bisexual stereotypes. But, the thing is...THEY STILL DO THAT which is what drives me up the god damn wall; they managed to do slutty bi stereotypes and I don’t even get kiss the boy, which again, I get the need for fairness but wow, just wow. And lemme explain. 

Meredith is the only character, other than joytoys, whom you can have sex with regardless of gender, body type, etc. She is the only character who shows that she is attracted to V on some level regardless of gender. 

She is a one night stand. Her sex animations are the same as joytoys. She treated like a promiscuous love phobic woman.  And having characters like that is fine, my own V is promiscuous and love phobic. But, we can acknowledge that in a video game by a AAA game company having the only character who is at least physically attracted to the player no matter what, be nothing but sex fodder...isn’t great bi representation, right? 

Oh, and Kerry himself still is a promiscuous bisexual man, he just won’t romance female V because apparently, according to a dev, they don’t remind him of Johnny enough. AND THATS THE DEVS WORDS, NOT MINE, I HATE THAT. Like, Kerry is shown to have people’s lingerie around his house. He’s stated by Johnny to be someone who fucks around. He gets a blowjob from a man in a stairwell. 

The two most blatantly canonically bi character in this game are promiscuous; one wont romance V at all and just wants sex, the other will only romance a male V because at worse, he’s comparing them mentally subconsciously to his dead friend and at best….because….reasons…. Literally, from what I understand for Kerry to romance V, they have to have the “male” body type and “male” voice. Meaning, fem V could literally by all appearances look like masc V, body type wise, but because she uses female pronouns and has a feminine sounding voice...no… the stars say no… 

In my honest opinion, it is bad bisexual representation and a not so well thought out romance system for a game. 

But, that being said, I literally never romance anyone, because I’m a Johnny simp. So, the fuck do I know.

oh god do i tag this.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh