#if only I wasn’t in so much pain to be actually doing this for realsies

[shatterthefragments]

Ouch :(

Tired :( SO SLEEPY too :(

Need to pack lunch :(

I have to work the next seven days :(

BUT OMG THE SUPER PRETTY DOCENT AT THE MUSEUM TODAY 😍💖🥰

(…I don’t know their name)

also my friend’s piece in the exhibit is super amazing so I’m super glad I went :)

[delimeful]

not always what they seem (2)

warnings: inappropriate jokes, remus being remus, mild panic attack, fear, miscommunication

long overdue commission for @legendsgates​! thank you for your patience and support 💚

Chapter 1

-

Janus watched the giant creatures around them devolve into more of that buzzing, clicking language as Remus waved his arm around enthusiastically in response to them.

“What are you-- Stop that,” the emo kid hissed, his whole body going tense, and Janus leaned back slightly just in time to avoid getting caught in the half-tackle that Remus was subjected to. “What if they just asked who wants to be first to be dissected, huh?”

“Oooh, kinky,” Remus cackled from where the kid had pinned his wrists to the floor. “Do you think they’ll probe me first?”

Janus rolled his eyes, and then stiffened as a shadow fell over them. “Kid—!”

He could see the moment the red alien’s hand made contact, the kid’s face immediately draining of all color as those strange talons wrapped around him and started to lift.

Almost instantly, Remus surged to his feet, grabbing the kid’s arm before he could be lifted out of range. The hold was so tight it almost looked painful, but the kid clung back desperately. He looked smaller than ever without the bulky hoodie around him, his frame barely concealed by a worn, slightly oversized band shirt.

Remus’s face twisted into a snarl. “Hey, hands to yourself, you shitty Mothra rip-off!”

Janus quickly rose to his feet as well, looking up past the kid’s terrified gaze to see the alien had paused, it’s strange antenna protrusions twitching. The facial features didn’t give him much to work with, so he attempted to see what the creature was seeing, contextless: the kid tackling Remus for big showy arm movements, Remus coming after him. Was it trying to seperate them like a pet owner with a pair of squabbling dogs?

He shifted forwards, setting a hand on Remus’ shoulder and expertly drawing all attention to himself. Remus glanced at him and then reluctantly cut off his litany of extremely descriptive curses, though his grip on the kid didn’t falter. Janus tilted his head back to carefully lock eyes with the alien.

“No. Stop,” he spoke with a stern emphasis. “Put him down.”

He reached up to grab the kid’s arm as well, tugging lightly, and then repeated himself slowly.

“Double D, buddy, I’d bet all three of my balls that they don’t understand English,” Remus said, “no matter how slow you say it.”

Janus didn’t break eye contact with the giant, moving to point at the kid and then the floor of their enclosure emphatically. “That doesn’t mean we can’t communicate with them.”

At the perfect moment to dramatically accentuate his point, the alien seemed to concede, lowering the kid down until his feet were touching the floor. The guy tore out of the oversized grip as soon as it loosened, nearly tumbling head over heels. Janus caught him by the arm, and Remus took the opportunity to jump forwards and click his teeth menacingly at the giant hand. The alien recoiled immediately, looking much like an elephant shying away from a mouse.

“I volunteer to get probed and this is how you fucks repay me? Just grabbing kids all willy-nilly? Have some respect!”

The kid muttered something, half-lost under his panicked breaths, and Remus turned to look at him. “What was that, short stack?”

“Virgil,” he repeated irritably. “It’s Virgil, not ‘kid’, definitely not ‘short stack’. I’m twenty years old, for fuck’s sake.”

Janus and Remus shared a glance over the newly-named Virgil’s head, and that was enough to set the man off into another fit of cackling laughter.

---

Roman watched, enthralled, as the little creature bedecked in green threw its head back and made a hair-raising clamor.

Intriguingly enough, the other two didn’t seem to react too strongly to such a loud outburst. The yellow one turned its face to the side as its tiny features pinched into an expression that Roman couldn’t quite decode, and the shaky purple one’s pale face seemed to shift color as it made an emphatic hand gesture of some sort. Patton would be taking plenty of notes later.

The motions, the expressions, they were all intentional and full of meaning, just like the pointing and sounds Yellow had made when Roman had tried to separate Purple from the group. He still didn’t quite grasp why the other specimens had responded so strongly; Purple had clearly been attacking, though thankfully no serious harm had occurred thanks to Roman swiftly jumping into action.

“This is incredible,” Logan murmured from beside him, and Roman couldn’t help but agree.

“There’s so much to analyze here,” he mumbled. “Any small animal would flee from a predator’s grasp, but they recognized that we’re sapient, and Yellow even approached instead to mediate!”

“Yellow?” Patton asked, a bit of teasing in his voice. “I thought your nicknames were always a bit wordier?”

“I can’t properly nickname someone unless I have their self-presentation and personality, Pat!” Roman defended. “It’s more of a… designation. After all, I can’t very well ask their names, can I?”

“I mean, we could certainly try!” Patton suggested with an optimistic lilt to his voice. “I’m not a linguist for nothing, y’know!”

“It might take some time to communicate intent, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up, Patton.” Logan’s ears flicked at the pleading look the Nihl sent him. “Still, I’ll admit there’s… no harm in a first attempt.”

Roman unsubtly chittered a laugh at his coworker’s expense, and Patton brightened immediately.

“Glad that you agree it’s… wordth a try!”

---

Janus was drawn away from the amusing argument going on between his fellow captives (the topic being how old one had to be to be an actual ‘for-realsies’ adult, federal law be damned) by two of the aliens simultaneously making odd, dragged out noises almost like stuttering groans.

“They sound like fucking zombies,” Virgil muttered from where he’d appeared at Janus’s shoulder. He’d snapped back to watching the three with blatant paranoia the moment they were loud enough to catch his notice.

The kid wasn’t subtle at all, but it wasn’t like he was wrong to be on guard. They were still abducted, regardless of how fantastical or impossible their captors seemed. Seeing how significant the size difference was, they’d have to work on escaping through… more cunning means.

Janus carefully held his position as the three giants crowded around the enclosure again, ignoring the way Virgil reached out to grip the back of his hoodie, either for comfort or in preparation to pull Janus from danger. This time, the three chattered amongst themselves for a long moment before going quiet and turning to the multiple-armed one.

Automatically, the humans mirrored the gesture, and the recipient of their attention met their gazes carefully one by one before placing a rigid, vertical hand under their chin and holding it there.

“Patton,” the alien said, slow and clear. It looked at them expectantly, and then repeated the phrase. “Patton.”

It was definitely some kind of word, that was clear enough. When not caught up in the rapid-fire chittering nature of the alien language, it was much easier to decipher.

“Patton?” Virgil muttered, and then squeaked when the alien stared at him with sudden intensity, hands flicking up and down erratically. Except for, Janus noted, the one still under its chin.

“Patton,” it said again, and then lowered the hand. Next to it, the insect-like one put a much bonier hand under its own angular chin.

“Roman,” it said, with a few subtle clicks that probably couldn’t be replicated by human mouths. Janus nodded, the pieces clicking into place. “Roman.”

Sure enough, next to make the hand gesture was the last alien, who introduced itself with a note of rippling bass overlapping with something like Logan. It was probably a bit mangled as he echoed it back, but different vocal chords made things difficult.

“You communing with them, Dee?” Remus asked from where he was crowding over his other shoulder. “That’s no sign language I’ve ever used. You speak alien and you’re not even going to share with the class?”

Janus elbowed him off, and then stepped forwards, and placed his own hand under his chin vertically, studying the ripple of reaction that got from the aliens.

“Dee,” he said, choosing to use his nickname as he had with the other humans.

The aliens immediately dissolved into excited chattering, which Janus patiently waited out. His fellow earthlings were similarly surprised.

“Wait, they’re doing introductions right now?” Virgil’s head whipped back and forth rapidly. Remus was gleefully attempting to mimic the weird, echoey quality of the voice of ‘Logan’ and getting concerningly close.

The one with all the arms-- Patton, it was Patton, he needed to remember if he wanted to make any progress at all here-- let out a string of syllables, slowed down but still nonsensical to them, and reached out.

Virgil jumped back and Remus started forwards, but Janus cut off all movement with a quickly snapped “Stop!”

Including the alien’s motion. He resisted the urge to smile at the success, instead looking up at Patton and tilting his head slightly. “What is it?”

Patton didn’t understand his words, but the questioning tone seemed to carry over, and after a beat, they moved their hand forward again just slightly before pausing, as though asking permission.

Janus weighed his options for a moment, before stepping forward. Virgil, who was still latched onto the back of him, came along with only a single sound of half-panicked protest. Patton correctly assumed that this was Janus giving his assent, and moved their hand closer, much slower this time.

With delicate, careful motions, they pushed Janus’s left hand out from under his chin, and then carefully curled a finger around his right arm, tugging that one up instead. Janus realized his mistake after a moment, and placed the right hand under his chin instead. Patton withdrew with a bright hum.

“What is happening,” Virgil hissed, and Janus glanced over his shoulder at him. The color had drained from his face, and his hand was white-knuckled where it was holding onto Janus’s borrowed outfit.

“I was mirroring their… introductory gesture, I suppose, and it seems that the meaning changes if I don’t use the correct hand. In this case, my right one,” he explained. “They’re going to want to know your name. Do you want me to assist?”    

Before he could answer, Remus was bouncing forwards, placing a hand under his own chin to gain the aliens’ attention.

“Call me I-Am-A-Buttface,” he half-shouted, grinning wildly.

---

“Did… did anyone else catch that one’s name?”

Roman watched as ‘D’ reached over and tugged the other tiny alien back by the collar roughly before they could speak again, astonished by how the other only let out what might be a cackle at the rough handling.

Not more astonished than he’d been by the alien catching on so quickly, though. Logan had been rendered completely speechless for a record amount of time, and Patton was still happily waving his hands back and forth at the success.

D visibly let out a long breath, and turned back to them, placing the correct hand under their chin this time. “D,” they repeated, and then switched things up.

They pulled the rambunctious one closer and placed their hand under that one’s chin, too. “Remus.”

“Are they-- introducing the other one as well?” Roman asked, and none of them could answer. ‘Remus’ didn’t seem to object, though they continued to speak in that rounded language. “That’s certainly a bit... unorthodox.”

D looked over at the only unnamed alien, the angry one that was standing at D’s shoulder, and after a moment, they jerked their head strangely. D seemed to understand, and held a hand palm-up in that one’s direction.

The unnamed alien put their hand in the proper introductory position, and had a few false starts before finally getting their name out. “Virgil.”

“Virgil,” Patton echoed excitedly. “That’s Virgil! Virgil, D, and Remus!”  

“Stars above,” Logan said faintly, “they really are just people but smaller.”

Roman couldn’t help but agree with the astounded sentiment. It hadn’t really sunk in before, but knowing the personal names of individual members of the unfamiliar species… “This could have been a disaster. Why were they labeled as primitive? Did the recorders even actually observe the planet they’re from? This seems a little hard to miss!”

“Easy, Roman,” Patton reached over to run a couple of gentle hands over his agitated wings. “You’re scaring the little guys.”

Sure enough, when he looked over, he could see all three of the tiny aliens were staring at him. He clicked an apology, and then echoed it in Common. “My apologies, small friends.”

“I agree with you, though… We can’t treat them as anything less, not like the tests would have us do. I’m not sure what our next step should be,” Patton admitted, and they turned as one to look at Logan. The Glanrim had a recognizably enthusiastic glint to his eyes.

“We’ll have to present our case to the Council. If we want them to believe us, we’ll need sufficient evidence that our specimens are sentient, sapient, and deserving of the standard rights,” he told them, tail swishing. “Our next step is to obtain that proof, through whatever means we can.”

Roman and Patton shared a glance before nodding in agreement. They turned towards the aliens with determination, and then stopped completely short.

“We’re… going to have to find some method of communicating our intentions,” Logan said, tapping his fingers on his shoulder in thought. “I believe the lack of such communication is what caused Virgil to behave so timidly in the first place.”

“Yeah, just reaching in and grabbing them probably isn’t a good idea,” Roman admitted. “What’s the plan, then?”

“Well, this can be a test in itself. Assuming that they can discuss amongst themselves what tests each of us did on the first run-through…”

---

Janus stared blankly at the three hands that had been set down along the floor of their enclosure, palms-up, each corresponding to one of the aliens. He turned to look at Virgil and Remus, just to ascertain that he was seeing the same thing they were.

Remus tilted his head to a painful-looking angle, and then nodded to himself. “It’s just like those choose-your-own-adventure books, except with huge aliens that we don’t know the intentions of! Fun!”  

“Oh, so they’re insane? They’re out of their skulls?” Virgil asked, his voice upping an octave in disbelief. “They really think we’re going to just literally put our lives in their hands, after they abducted and tormented us?”

“That’s exactly what we’re going to have to do,” Janus muttered, and held his hands up when Virgil turned to him with a glare. “Just listen for a moment. What are they doing right now?”

“Trying to trick us,” Virgil shot back immediately.

“Getting handsy!” Remus offered.

Janus pinched the bridge of his nose. “No and definitely no. They’re offering us a choice,” he clarified, “because we’ve done something to shift their opinions of us.”

“Some choice,” Virgil muttered. Janus pointed at him, making him jerk back slightly.

“Exactly. What do you think they’re going to do if we refuse to engage with them at all?”

“... Grab us anyways?”

Janus nodded, casting another look over at the waiting aliens. “If that happens, we’ve relinquished any and all control over the situation, no matter how small. Instead, we need to take advantage of this while we can. We’ll be putting our lives in their hands regardless, so it’s best to act strategically here.”

“Well, I know what I want.” Remus sidled a step away from them and towards the aliens. “Dibs on the hot one.”

“The what one?” Virgil gaped, and Remus ignored him in favor of getting a running start and then throwing himself directly onto Logan’s hand. Unsurprisingly, Logan seemed unsure how to react to a human sprawling over him like Rose from Titanic. Janus was too professional to slap a hand onto his forehead, but the urge was there. He grabbed Virgil’s shoulder when the kid started towards them.

“Forget it. He’s made his choice, and he doesn’t seem like the type to be swayed by common sense,” Janus said, rolling eyes and choosing very emphatically to not question his fellow human’s apparent qualifiers for someone being considered ‘hot’. “You need to make a decision of your own.”

Virgil shook him off, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “This is crazy. All of it. Forever. You know that, right?”

“I’m aware,” Janus replied, voice dry. Virgil shot him another look, and then seemed to actually consider the options, though grumpily. With his shoulders still up around his ears, he looked vaguely like a very angry turtle. Janus kept this observation to himself.

“Remus called the one with all the arms-- uh, Patton? He called them boring and said all they did was talk at him,” he finally offered, glancing over at the alien.

Janus nodded, keeping his own feelings on the matter off his face. “You want that one, then?”

“What?” Virgil looked at him, confused. “No, I mean you should go with them. You’ll probably have an easier time figuring out what they want from Patton.”

Janus paused, thrown off. “Hold on, that-- that leaves you with Roman. I… don’t think you’ll have the best time, considering.”

“And you will?” Virgil took Janus’s silence as the admittance it was, and nodded to himself. “I can do it. I’m tougher than you think. And anyways, if I let you go with him, he’d probably try to swipe my hoodie. Not happening.”

Janus huffed with exasperation, and Virgil gave him the closest expression he’d gotten to a smile yet before shoving his shoulder slightly and stomping up to Roman’s hand. The alien looked just as unhappy as Virgil about the decision.

---

“Well, that was an… interesting selection process,” Logan said, lifting up his hand slightly and finding that Remus seemed content to be toted around.

It was more than he could say about his own matchup. “Yeah, that’s one way of putting it,” he grumbled as ‘Virgil’ continued to stand there, tiny arms bundled around themself, tiny eyes staring up at Roman aggressively.

The little creature didn’t seem intent on even touching Roman, let alone actually being picked up and taken anywhere. Roman looked over to where D was seating themself on the edge of Patton’s hand like a king upon their throne, and then back to Virgil, who didn’t move.

Maybe they expected Roman to do all the heavy lifting? He carefully lifted his hand, curling it around Virgil’s tiny frame, and received a vicious hiss for his efforts. He recoiled, antennae flattening. He hadn’t even known these creatures could hiss!

“You alright, kiddo?” Patton appeared next to him, one hand hovering as a safety net for D. Roman pasted on a smile immediately.

“Of course! Just working out methods of transport with… Virgil. They seem a bit less charismatic than D when it comes to conveying intent, unfortunately.” The tiny creature continued to stare at him, gaze only dipping away to meet D’s briefly.

Patton studied Virgil for a moment, gaze moving between their hunched form and Roman’s fidgeting hands. “They might be a little touch shy. The transport containers are still usable, if you need them!”

“Ah, that’s right! Patton, you’re a genius.” Roman exchanged good luck hums with the Nihl and waited until he departed to grab the transport container and present it to Virgil. “Is this what you want to use, you picky creature?”  

As though to spite him, Virgil’s skin shifted to a paler shade, and they went so far as to step back slightly. Roman allowed himself a few frustrated clickswears, and then stopped as he noticed the creature stumble slightly.

“Virgil…?” he attempted the alien’s name, but there was no response beyond their rapid air intake increasing. They didn’t look so good.

Feeling oddly off-balance, he quickly stowed the transport container away, and kept his hands out of sight to give the poor guy some more space. “Easy, easy. Please for the love of all that is good, don’t die of shock on me.”

Virgil didn’t seem to improve at first, but after a moment, they started muttering to themself, and slowly but surely, began to return to baseline. Roman felt as though years had been taken off his lifespan.

“Alright, if you feel so strongly about it, there’s no reason I can’t improvise and simply work from here,” he rambled, moving a seat and a tray of tools to the side of the wide-low enclosure. “Logan wasn’t kidding when he called you easily startled, was he?”

Virgil eyed the tray with wide eyes, and when Roman picked up the thermometer, they skittered back out of easy reach, arms lifted in what must have been a defensive gesture. Like a frightened Arkbit, but less fluffy, and Roman had to actually try to coax them over rather than just holding them still for the process.

“It’s just a thermometer! It won’t prick you or anything, on my honor,” Roman swore, and when that didn’t do the trick, he used the device on himself instead. “See, I just place it against my skin for a few moments, and… there! A perfectly healthy me!”

He extended the sensor end of the thermometer in Virgil’s direction, but didn’t advance. “C’mon, just give it a shot. We’re going to need your baseline in case you get sick, and it’ll make it easier to get the others’ temps if you can tell them I’m not going to electrocute them or anything.”

Virgil dithered for a long moment, but Roman’s patience was rewarded when the alien finally stalked closer and smacked his hand against the sensor like a challenge. Luckily, it was precise enough to work accurately even with such a small specimen, and soon enough Roman has a temperature.

“Huh… you’re warmer than me and Patton, that’s for sure,” Roman mumbled. “Logan probably already has all sorts of classification theories about you guys, but I think it’s at least safe to say you’re mammalian.”

Virgil tilted their head slightly at him, and Roman shook his head. “We’ll have more to talk about once we actually manage to make a breakthrough on language. For now,” he held up a small scale, normally used for weighing precise chemical measurements, “back to the boring stuff!”

The tiny alien made a strange drawn out noise, and placed their hands over their face, but they didn’t get all tense and breathy again, and that was progress in Roman’s book.

So long as they kept making progress, things would probably turn out okay.

[imagine-the-fanfics]

Seized

Characters: Goro Majima x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Kidnapping, involuntary imprisonment, implied attempted rape

Inspiration: Request by Anon – “Uhh can I get a fic where the reader gets kidnapped by Majima if you'd be fine w/ it? 👉👈”

A/n: Okay, so this got… A little intense. I was able to water it down a lot, but please look over the warnings and take them seriously. Hope you enjoy it none the less, Nonny. Also. My autocorrect keeps trying to change “eye” to “eyes” and I’m sorry if I miss some of those. This fic is dark (much less so now than it was originally) and I am sorry. I don’t support anything in this fic and it is not meant to glamorize.

When you came to, your head was pounding. You tried to yawn, but you couldn’t seem to open your mouth. You tried to see what was stopping you, but you couldn’t move your hands. Your eyes opened, but you couldn’t see. You started to whimper, struggling to get out of your bindings.

“Oh good, yer awake. Fuckin’ finally,” a man’s voice said.

A chill ran down your spine as you realized the position you were in. The hood you didn’t know was on your head was removed, and you found yourself face to face with a man you didn’t know. The sudden light was blinding, and you struggled to keep your eyes open from the sudden light.

“Oh, what the hell,” the man grumbled. “I told ‘em none of this tape on the mouth shit.” He reached over, working a bit off to grab. “This is gonna hurt, darlin’,” he said before immediately ripping off the duct tape, causing you to let out a loud but short shout from pain. “Exactly why I told ‘em not to fuck with that shit,” he sighed, crouching down so the two of you were eye-level. “How are ya? Ya feelin’ okay?” His tone was softer, more concerned, as if he actually cared about you.

“I—”

“Juuuust kiddin’,” he said before standing up. “I don’t give two shits. Yer pops probably does, though.” He looked down at you and you looked up at him, speechless. “Oh, ya didn’t know? Yer dad’s neck deep in with the yakuza, sweetheart. Owes a lot of money to a lot of people, including me.

“I thought, ‘Maybe if I take his kid he’ll know I mean business,’ but so far that ain’t been the case. ‘Course, ya ain’t been here too long, maybe he just needs some time.” His eye raked your body, taking in every ounce of what you had to offer. He’d be lying If he said he wasn’t attracted. You were so quiet that he was a little surprised.

Truth was, you were embarrassed. You hadn’t worn these pajamas expecting to get kidnapped, but who ever expects to get kidnapped? You were in maroon short shorts, a sports bra, and a white tank-top. Panties, too, of course, but nothing that was fun or exciting just plain and black, matching the sports bra.

Memories of getting here were nonexistent. The last thing you remembered was laying down in bed to sleep. You, again, tried to move your hand to your pounding head and found it couldn’t move. That was when you started to assess your surroundings.

The man continued to watch you; being under his gaze made you feel like a small rabbit about to be devoured by a mad dog. You felt small, afraid. The look in his eye was enough to chill your soul. “Ya realizin’ the mess yer in now?” The man asked, pulling up a chair you hadn’t noticed and sitting in it. You were starting to panic as you looked around the room. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt ya.” You were tied to a chair, arms bound behind you and legs bound to the respective legs of the chair you were in. Another rope was tied around your chest, just under your breasts. You struggled a little bit.

“Well, not yet at least,” the man sighed. “Yer just… So delicious to look at.” The man’s eye raked your body again, stopping at your chest for a moment before lowering, pausing again and then meeting your gaze again. “I could eat ya right up,” he grinned wickedly at you.

“Maybe I will,” he said, still grinning.

You tried to meld with the chair, hoping to get as far away from him as possible, but that wasn’t possible.

“But not yet,” he said, sounding too happy, clapping his hands once as he stood up. “Let’s get ya some water. Gotta stay hydrated, after all.”

You blinked, watching this enigma of a man as he walked out of the room you were being held in. You took the moment too look around and fully take in your surroundings. There was a bed, a hook in the ceiling, and a chain on the ground with the far end connected to the floor that had a cuff on the other end. “What kind of sick place is this?” You gulped as your gaze shifted to the windowless cinderblock walls that surrounded you.

When the door opened you jumped and yelped.  

“Here’s yer water. Gotcha a straw,” he said with a proud grin, as if the straw was a thoughtful gesture when you were literally tied to a chair in a room that looked like it belonged in a horror movie.

“Thanks,” you muttered, sipping the water through the straw.

“’Course!” He smiled at you. “Gotta keep ya hydrated, like I said.” He continued to hold the cup and straw for you until you finished. “There ya go,” the man said with a smile. You just stared at him. “Alright. Let’s try callin’ yer dad and see if he’s gonna pay up now.” He took out his phone and called, holding it to his ear.

“Ahhh, Mr. Y/L/N, yeah?” the man said into the phone. You could only hear half of the conversation. “Good. I got yer kid here. Ya ready to pay yer debt yet?” A pause, the man’s face turning sour. “Fine, here.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and put your father on speakerphone.

“Y/n?” Your father’s voice asked, sounding a bit worried.

“Dad,” you gasped, not really expecting to hear your father. “Dad? Is that you? I don’t know where I am. Please help!

“Ohmygod, Y/n!” He was sufficiently panicked, and the man took the phone back holding it up to his ear.

“Easy, easy, Y/L/N-san. Focus.” Majima’s face contorting in frustration. “I said to calm the fuck down!” He shouted into the phone, looking pleased as he continued. “That’s better. Now, when I can I expect yer payment?” A pause, another sour face. “Do ya really think Imma let ya have until tomorrow when yer just gonna skip town. Ya got two hours, otherwise I’m keepin’ the girl.” The man hung up the phone, sliding it into his pocket. “I guess we’ll haveta see if yer Dad thinks yer worth payin’ his debt for.” He paused, looking you up and down again. “I’d pay for ya.”

You squirmed, looking away. He knelt down in front of you and looked into your eyes with his eye, watching you curiously. “I might have some fun with ya later. We’ll see. For now, I gotta get some work done. Tata~” He said, standing up and waving as he walked out the door. A moment later he came back in. “I almost forgot.” He pulled your chair over, clasping the cuff around your ankle and then cutting the ropes off that had you tied to the chair, freeing your wrists as well. “There, that’s gotta feel better.” You just stared at him, unable to move in fear. “Alright. Bye, for realsies this time, Y/n-chan~!” He walked out, waving again and you were left sitting in your chair, still too deep in shock to do anything.

What felt like hours passed and you stayed in the chair, still coming to terms with what happened and where you were. You had always thought that you would be stronger in this situation, that you would fight back – but you weren’t, and you didn’t. You just sat in your chair, rubbing your wrists, and feeling the cold metal of your ankle cuff on your skin. You felt tears floating around in your eyes, looking around as the reality of your situation settled in.

Eventually you stood up, walking around to see how far your chain would allow you to go. Not very far. You couldn’t reach any of the walls, and you could barely reach the bed and lay on it. You couldn’t even get near the door, not that you could break it down if you could reach it. From the look of it and how it sounded when it closed, it was solid wood.

You settled on sitting on the bed, looking up at the hook in the ceiling, wondering what it was for. Images of hanging slabs of meat floated through your mind and you looked away, trying to find something else to distract yourself with.

It shocked you that you weren’t crying. At this point you didn’t feel scared or sad enough to cry; you just felt numb. You didn’t feel like you were in your body. You laid down, resting you hear on the shitty flat pillow, curling up in the fetal position for warmth since there was no blanket, and closed your eyes.

/// You were awoken by the angry slam of the door and the one-eyed man looked even more angry than he had when he was on the phone. “Yer dad still ain’t payin’. Do ya know what that means?” You shook your head. “Means I gotta rough ya up a bit to show Daddy just how much I mean what I’m tellin’ him.”

You heard your dad’s voice panicking on the phone and your stomach turned sour. You cowered on the bed, not sure what was coming. The man set his phone down, climbing onto the bed with a pair of handcuffs he pulled out of his back pocket, wrestling with you until your hands were cuffed together and you were crying. What was he going to do to you?

“Majima! Don’t touch her!” Your father’s voice called out.

So this one-eyed monster had a name, and that name was Majima.

He grabbed the cufflinks and pulled you off the bed, bringing you below the hook and effortlessly putting the links into it. You tried to wiggle out of it, but you could barely touch the floor on your tiptoes, and the hook was too high to maneuver the links over it. You whimpered, knowing whatever he was going to do next was something.

“I gotta say, Mr. Y/L/N, yer daughter is… well. Ya see what I’m seein’ ain’tcha? That tank top is just… So tight. Leaves nothin’ to the imagination. Them shorts are just…” Majima’s voice trailed off and he looked over to the phone on the chair. “Ah, s’pose not. Lemme fix that.” He maneuvered the chair and phone so he could see exactly what was happening.

“Let’s begin,” the man said, pulling out a tanto, unsheathing it.

You heard your father protest, but you couldn’t understand him. Your heartbeat was whooshing in your head as you feared the worst was coming.

He was going to rape you, wasn’t he?

“Da—Dad?” You whimpered, crying. “Dad—Dad please don’t let—”

“All yer dad has to do is pay me what I’m owed, and then yer free to go,” Majima assured, approaching you. “I don’ wanna hurt ya, but I gotta get my money. Sorry, darlin’.”

“Let—Let me go home, please! Please! I won’t tell anyone! I won’t!” You begged, crying. “Please don’t—”

“This is yer dad’s doin’. All he hasta do is pay. Once he pays, yer free!” Majima laughed. “Easy as that.”

“MAJIMA!” Your dad shouted; you closed your eyes when you heard his voice crack.

You felt the tip of the blade against the skin of your neck. It wasn’t pressed enough to draw blood, but you tilted your head back in an effort to pull back from it, it didn’t work. Majima looked to his phone, and your eyes followed, seeing yourself on the screen and trying not to shriek. The blade slowly slid down to your collarbones, tracing the edges of them. You continued to whimper.

“Last chance, Y/L/N-san,” Majima’s eye was raking your body yet again, and you felt his hand playing with the fabric of your tank top. “It’s like she dressed this way just ta tease me,” he sighed, removing the blade and replacing it with his lips. “She tastes good, too,” he continued to kiss and lick your neck, maneuvering to each side. As you tried to get away, you only gave him more access. At one point he grabbed your throat. “Quit. Moving.” You did, closing your eyes and whimpering some more.

By this time, you were sobbing. You knew what was coming, and you were powerless to stop it.

“MAJIMA! STOP IT!” Your father shouted again, falling on deaf ears.

“If yer neck tastes this good, I can’t wait ta try yer pussy,” Majima growled, causing you to whimper louder, trying to lean away. He back away for a moment, turning to look at his phone, making sure your father had a good view. “Well, Daddy, what should I take first?” He asked, tapping his chin with the flat of the blade.

“Majima, please! I’ll pay! Just give me a little—”

“Ya had yer time,” Majima responded so coldly that it felt like the room temperature dropped.

He approached you, your crying and sobbing having shifted to tears and mindless babble that was begging him to stop. He wasn’t going to. He took your tank top in one hand and used the tanto to start cutting your shirt off. Once it was completely ripped open, he took another step back. You were sobbing, looking at the floor. Terrified and ashamed of what was happening.

“What’s next, Y/L/N?” Majima asked, looking at the phone, listening to your father beg him to stop. “You keep beggin’ me to stop, but you beggin’ ain’t gettin’ yer debt erased.”

“I’ll give you my home, my car, my daughter— just don’t make me watch this anymore!” Your father begged.

Majima hesitated, and it took you a moment to process what

“Deal.” He hung up the phone, looking at you, watching you cry for a moment before unlocking the cuffs. “I can’t believe that fuckin’ asshole would sell his own kid like that,” he grumbled. “She’s yer kid, dipshit, yer supposed to protect her, not sell her to clear yer fuckin’ debts.”

You didn’t care, you were just crying. You fell to the ground once you were no longer being held up by the cuffs. Majima caught you, rubbing your back as you clung to him. It was strange, clinging for comfort to the man you were sure was going to rape you not even a full minute ago. Yet, here you are, clinging to him. He picked you up, carrying you to the bed and sat you down, undoing the ankle cuff and then sitting on the bed next to you. You leaned away from him.

“I wasn’ gonna hurt ya,” Majima sighed. “Just hadta make yer dad think I was. Figured he’d pay that way, can’t say I expected him to sell ya to me.” You dived into his arms, sobbing violently. “Shhh… It’s okay,” he assured, resting his cheek against your head as you cried.

All you wanted was to wake up in your bed back in your apartment. That you could call your dad and tell him what you dreamt about and how much it hurt. He’d comfort you; tell you that would never happen, that you were more important money or material items. That wasn’t going to happen, though.

All you could do was cry, waiting for Majima to decide what he was going to do with you.

[kinkymagnus]

The Pain In Your Eyes

hey wow this is from FIVE YEARS AGO (exaggeration but is it? really? why don’t i ever do anything) but this is like the “send me a title and i’ll tell you what kind of fic i’d write for it” 

ok so

uhh this is like, mostly tangentially related but look,  i couldn’t think of anything (hence why i took so long to answer lkghjfgh im sorry) but for some reason i’m really feeling TWI MAGIC REVEAL, BABEY!

(this got….WOO. incredibly long)

so okay! okay! how does alec find out his boyfriend is secretly a 400+ year old  warlock with cat eyes and magic powers? there are lots of ways. i’m personally fond of “magnus is still getting used to having his magic back so he’s actually Extremely Not Subtle and alec like. kinda guessed there was something paranormal going on but his magical boyfriend was too nervous to tell him yet so he was patiently waiting and when magnus finally nervously blurts out the truth alec is like “warlock, huh? sweet” and magnus is like????????? im a Monster???? half demon?? i have inhuman powers and eyes that show my monstrous heritage??? i have been keeping this huge secret from you and i didn’t trust you and it’s horrible and awful and life changing and i’m IMMORTAL and im part DEMON and why aren’t you YELLING AT ME? and alec’s like i have an adorable half-demon bf this is hella sweet. your eyes are beautiful and your magic is not subtle babe. im not gonna yell at you for being like, scared of telling me, it’s cool. also about the immortality thing: talked to your clearly magical friend with the horns, and im FOR SURE chugging an immortality potion at our wedding. and magnus is like (happy but shocked) WEDDING? this is like five consecutive bitch slaps for him, except instead of bitch slaps they’re deep and loving kisses. 

BUT. this is an angsty prompt, let’s be real. not that that has zero angst potential, but to focus more on pain in eyes…. mmm… >:) so REWIND

magnus has been keeping his magic a secret. possibly even to his own detriment, like he still doesn’t have super great control but he’s like, TIGHTLY lashing that shit down because ALEC CAN’T SEE HE CAN’T HE CAN’T and it’s like. hurting his recovery from being dormant for so long, but as long as it gets him more time with alec :))) he hardly cares :)))) 

BUT. but but but. ok look im so tempted with “magnus accidentally shows off his cat eyes during sex” but SERIOUS. SERIOUS. ANGSTY. SERIOUS. magnus slips up. not during sex, sorry. he slips up. 

oh my god wait i have an idea. a horrible horrible idea

this is so bad i dont even know if i like it but

LET’S TRY IT

oka Y SO magnus has been tightly controlling this shit but he can’t help but slip up sometimes. he can’t help it, okay. it’s mostly minor things. he’s upset and things tremble on the shelves, he’s really happy and the plants literally perk up and he looks kinda like he’s glowing. sometimes things move closer to him when he needs them–usually not super obviously, but alec’s still kind of like wait wasn’t that over there a second ago? 

and he’s trying his best but he doesn’t catch everything, doesn’t even always notice because it feels so natural. he sips coffee that should be boiling hot only it’s just right and he isn’t burned. (alec brings him some really fresh coffee and he tries to warn magnus before he picks it up but before he can yell it’s in magnus’s hands and he’s taking a sip and–he’s fine. not burned at all. and he looks at alec with that adorable little confused look, brow furrowed and head slightly tipped to the side, and alec doesn’t know quite what to say because that had definitely been too hot for human consumption earlier…)

and every once in a while alec swears his eyes like. flash, or something? they look… different. it’s hard to explain, magnus always turns around or closes his eyes or SOMETHING but like. just for a second alec swears they looked brilliant gold. 

and his fortune telling abilities are like. good. weirdly good. like, he’s never wrong, good. and he knows things he shouldn’t, and he makes weird offhand comments that don’t make sense sometimes before getting flustered and glossing over them, and sometimes he acts like he’s been around for like. a LONG time. IT’S WEIRD.

anyway so it’s just little things. just enough to drive magnus into “slightly eerie” territory. alec’s not like, scared of him or anything, but he’s kind of like. is something……..up? 

and alright this next bit is where it gets a bit hazy but i’m thinking for like. whatever reason. maybe alec’s not the only one who’s noticed, maybe some other people have too, maybe jace if we want to pull him here and make him a douchebag (kind of hard, though–not the douche thing, but like, he’s literally not friends with alec in TWI, so… i mean, thank god, but. hard to get him in, then. maybe through clary? idk.) but anYWAY the point is 

fucking jonathan gets involved. i wanted to make valentine the crazy preacher but he’s already got a role in TWI and jonathan’s a crazy shitbag in every universe, let’s be real. and jonathan is like THIS SOUNDS LIKE DEMONIC POSSESSION TO ME. THINGS MOVING AROUND? STRANGE EYES? WEIRD PAST? KNOWING THINGS HE SHOULDN’T? NEVER GETS BURNED? SEEMS OLD? CAN DIVINE THE FUTURE? SOUNDS DEMONIC TO ME, BABY. 

and alec is like whoa hold on. wait. but jonathan, manipulative fuck that he is, is like. all smooth talkin. like hey, aren’t you worried about your boyfriend? what if he’s hurt? what if this is hurting him and you’re doing nothing to stop it? what if we can save him? 

it doesn’t help that magnus has been acting weirdly lately (read: worried alec might be onto him since ALEC’S been acting weird, and psyching himself up to TELL ALEC THE TRUTH) and alec. doesn’t know what to do. 

but ultimately he’s convinced when he overhears/sees magnus meeting up with his friend. which is ragnor portalling into his home, horns and all, and them talking in hushed panicked whispers. and alec’s like “oh fuck what a demon is possessing my boyfriend” 

he’s heard family legends their ancestors were demon hunters, but unfortunately not much about warlocks and the like so he doesn’t make the connection, he just thinks “oh shit, the legends were true, and i of all people ironically am dating someone being messed with by a demon. well, I’M THE BEST PERSON TO SAVE HIM THEN.” 

ok i wanna be clear alec wouldn’t like. take this far and actually hurt magnus, ever. like he’s not about to tie him up and carve symbols into his chest or something. he’s just mundane and worried and unsure what the fuck to do and manipulative evil little bitch jonathan is taking advantage. 

and honestly i’m not sure how far to take this either, the image i have is magnus like. tied up in a pentagram and jonathan about to be a crazy bitch and alec being like “oh fuck this this is NOT what i signed up for” bonus if he was worried about magnus being possessed for realsies but then he sees magnus’s cat eyes and they’re like. too. him. they’re full of pain and fear and this kind of resignation and alec is like no that’s no fucking demon, that’s the man i love, or maybe it’s both, maybe he is the demon, but i don’t care because magnus is a demon then i guess demons are good because magnus and evil don’t go together EVER. 

but like at the same time, the heartbreak/trust shattering that could cause–alec like, trying to “exorcise” him for being a demon? MMM DON’T LIKE THAT. like i’m not looking for a relationship breaker here, just some juicy angst with a happy ending. and i feel like with a lot of careful planning that might work, but i don’t. really want to right now. 

so LIKE. maybe not that far, maybe alec is planning on confronting him and he’s got something dumb like a holy water water pistol (shoutout to ryan bergara, i love you) and salt, but he’s like “idek what i’m gonna do if he ends up being possessed but i sure as hell know i’ll save him if it kills me” but he like. before he can even get the words out. for whatever reason. don’t call me out on not knowing why, maybe he catches magnus by surprise or comes home early, idk. he sees magnus’s eyes. and they’re these gorgeous golden cat eyes. and alec can see the moment magnus realizes alec can see them, his eyes go wide and scared and he looks hurt and a little sick and like he’s already lost something irreplaceable and it hurts that he looks so. there’s so MUCH PAIN IN HIS EYES (aay,, aYYY.,, titteLEE) and also. god his eyes are so pretty. even beginning to tear up they’re so pretty. and alec has so many things he wants to say ranging from i love you and nothing will ever change that to seriously please stop looking heartbroken i need to hug you right now i love you so much to i know what you are–i mean, like, not what as in a thing, but what as in you’re a demon and i know and it’s okay, to wow your eyes are pretty to wow i am dating a demon okay and alec is just like. he just blurts out “holy shit you’re beautiful” and that’s all because with the “reassure magnus he is loved!!!” and “MAGNUS IS HURTING RED ALERT” and “So Your Boyfriend’s A Demon” feelings going on, Gay™ just overrides all the panic 

like he’s forgotten about the holy water and the salt he’s just like. oh my god. pretty. sexy. wonderful. and absolutely for-sure magnus and nothing else. so again there’s just that fun thought process of “does this mean my boyfriend IS the demon because that’s not a demon, that’s magnus” to “ok sweet im dating a cute ass demon” to “demons are good now i guess? or at least mine is? that’s neat” 

because like, while demons obviously traditionally get a bad rap, there are plenty of fucking books and tv shows and fiction wherein demons are the good guys, or not so bad, or whatever. so to a non-religious mundane with no concept of real demons as according to shadowhunters canon, “good demon” isn’t necessarily impossible or that hard to accept. 

magnus will probably not take the misunderstanding of being called a demon that well, but he will be thoroughly mystified by the fact that despite thinking he’s a straight-up full-on demon, alec is not upset or horrified but in fact kind of pleased. 

but anyway alec’s like “i’ve figured it out! i’m pretty sure you’re a demon, and that’s why [evidence here], but like, it’s okay! holy water is banned from the house and i know the salt thing is only a particular kind of salt but i swear if it helps, no fucking salt in the house. definitely none of that kind of salt. i originally thought you were possessed but i have burned all exorcism shit and anti demon things i had and i will literally do anything to protect you. should i say oh satan or oh lucifer instead of oh god? that’s fine. just wondering. i will literally give you my soul. i love you” and magnus is like i love you but oh my god oh my god oh my g

(also this doesn’t really fit in but i do have the image of alec squirting magnus with the holy water pistol and it just like. splashes on his face. and magnus is like. [disgruntled blink, nose all scrunched up, Adorable] [gingerly wipes off water] “why” and alec’s like so you’re not a demon, cool. wait, or demons don’t actually react badly to holy water. or you’re hiding it somehow. or my water isn’t holy enough. fuck)  

AN ywa YY. magnus has to explain he isn’t a demon (”oh shit fuck i’m sorry shit did i hurt your feelings goddamn it i can’t believe i jumped to conclusions”) he’s half demon (”okay i wasn’t THAT far off and don’t give me that look i’m not judging you i love you very much and this changes nothing”) and uhhhhhh he’s an immortal warlock with magical powers and the cat eyes are his mark and he has magic and he’s 400 years old and he’s been dormant for a very long time and he’s sorry he lied and didn’t tell alec and he really isn’t evil or anything and please say something, alexander.

and alec is just like “okay this is a lot to take in but ten minutes ago i thought you were just straight-up a demon and was cool with it so you really think i wouldn’t be cool with this?”

anyway like. they just fucking… it’s a little anticlimactic. magnus feels like his feet have been swept out from under him, alec’s just okay with it, other than a minor initial freakout, and that’s… it?

of course, there’s still jonathan. you know what, here’s how to get some drama back into it. alec never really like, actually got close with jonny boy or anything, it was just someone he talked to in passing who was like “ur bf is possessed bro. i can…… exorcise him if u like” and he like. knows about the downworld, but believes they’re all evil demons and bad and he’s the true shadowhunter or something? but he’s just crazy and a horrible person? idk. but anyway he like. shows up again. he might try to cause some drama by being like “ur boyfriend sent me >:) to SEND YOU BACK TO HELL” but it doesn’t work, magnus’s heart aches a little at the thought but he knows it’s not true, you know?

but like jonathan tries to hurt him and magnus is like, fumbling with his magic a bit, still slightly off kilter (especially because he’s still been trying to hide it a lot and stifle it and he’s not quite in sync). but alec like, defends him (because he took self defense classes and like, martial arts and shit, even as a mundane he knows how to pack a punch, you know?) and he gets hurt. jonathan goes after him (why are you supporting this monster? this demon? why are you on his side? …maybe you’re possessed too–) and magnus is like. OH NO. YOU FUCKING. DON’T. and fucking WRECKS him. like full magic avatar state bullshit, he’s like “i will fucking BEAT YOUR ASS, leave alec the FUCK ALONE.” and he basically like. idek portals jonathan to the middle of the sahara or across the world or on a remote island that has resources but no way off? idk what he ends up doing, but it like, takes care of him without necessarily killing him

but like. magnus is super powerful, but using that much magic abruptly after years and years of nothing takes its toll and he passes out. alec, slightly bruised up and maybe a little bloodied but ultimately fine, carries him bridal style (!!!!!!!!!!!) and magnus wakes up in bed, warm and safe and comfy with alec by his side, all patched up and also fine, and cat and ragnor and raphael all there like “hey idiot” bc WHY DIDN’T MAGNUS TELL THEM ABOUT HIS WEIRD NEW MUNDANE BOYFRIEND AND ALL THIS DRAMA THAT WAS HAPPENING? OTHER THAN THE MINOR DETAILS? they’ve been talking with alec and like. they have varying opinions but the general consensus is “he seems to be treating magnus good and he clearly loves magnus, and we like that.”

ANYWAY THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE AND ALEC ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS MAGIC AND MAGNUS IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME AND USES HIS MAGIC OPENLY AND EVENTUALLY ALEC BECOMES IMMORTAL AND THEY GET MARRIED AND IT’S HAPPY YAY

anywaYYYY this got……super fucking long. but the title thing is ujst basically “alec knows magnus is magnus and not Something Else because there’s like. real emotion in his “demon” eyes and he looks scared and pained and it’s SAD and alec’s like “shit yeah this is him and i love him” and that’s the turning point of the story” 

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 44-45: Bakura‘s Back for More of This Nonsense

Man, I can’t believe we’re closing in on the 4th season of this show (still in shock I’m still able to make these.) Seems like just yesterday I felt like I had no idea what was happening, and now I’m like “they put in freakin Sans into Smash but not Bakura???” I’ve become one of those people now.

It’s been interesting how, because I have slowed down to watch these, I think I’ve been able to have a much more positive experience with the show. People have been talking about how binging has kind of changed TV from a place where fandoms could chat to a place where...you just watch it all in a weekend and hope no one spoils it and then wait for the next big thing to consume a week later.

But, when you’re watching a 15 year old anime you don’t have to worry about any of that. So it’s like a kind of nostalgic experience of a pre-streaming era despite the fact I’m totally streaming this.

But back to the show, now that the deep and reflective moments for Marik are over, my favorite storyboarder went home and left the rest of this to the night team who are clearly in a real rush to get this all finished. Again, the Yugioh whiplash is going from that high of “damn this is so goo-” then to the reality that the rest of the art direction in this show is “-acceptable. I meant to say acceptable. It’s perfectly acceptable”

Yugi Muto is still strung up by weird shadow magic restraints that must also be around his legs for some reason. I mean...it wouldn’t be so kinky if it wasn't also around his feet. More bits and pieces of Our Boy have been removed over the course of this endless card game, and he’s doing pretty good considering.

Joey has decided he’s had Enough Of These Damn Ghosts.

And so Marik decided that he’s been shamed by Joey Wheeler enough that he will just go away like Joey asks. This may be the only person who was actually bothered enough by Joey Wheeler to walk away in all of Yugioh.

(read more under the cut)

They....

Legit no one told her what had just happened.

They........

Just want to note that while Yugi’s leg burst out a stream of weird purple gas and Yugi screamed in pain, when his crotch disappeared, he did nothing but patiently look over at Pharaoh, who awkwardly winced. I guess the animation team knew better than to animate gas exploding out of that one particular spot, but it is still a rather funny contrast.

Marik has achieved his final form of so many veins, and it is a still frame every time it’s on screen. You cannot animate this. You cannot.

On the other end of the field, Odion has somehow made it down these extremely steep stairs, only to look up and see so many more stairs.

And back on the field is so many cards. So many cards, including the Card Poem. This awful Card Poem I tried so hard to forget.

Bro brings up that maybe this poem sounds way cooler in Japanese but like...I doubt it, right? Like this was a poem that the writers threw together in 5 minutes and were like “we’re never going to actually say the shame poem, right?”

But anyway more cards things happen but why talk about cards when this eventually happens.

I feel like Pharaoh was attempting to use Shadow Magic on Marik like just a few episodes ago so he could have done something now but...maybe he forgot? I dunno. Pharaoh didn’t feel like participating in this particular fight, maybe because his alter ego is holding on to life solely by having extra long emo bangs to count as lifepoints.

and so, Odion gives Marik a pep talk--and I kid you not, this is all Marik needed the entire time.

Yeah.

That was it.

Like maybe Odion had to be awake since Odion has a spell or whatever on Marik but still it’s like...all you had to do was say “This guy is not even a person, Marik--you are the person, just nix him and we’re good”

And so the two alter ego’s fight with eachother in the same body and that must have been a treat for everyone watching.

Man, it’s a good thing Mokuba already has so many PTSD situations under his several belts up to this point, because otherwise I’d be somewhat concerned about this very young kid who is privy to all this type of magical abominations every time his brother just wants to play cards.

and then...Yugi plays a bunch of cards and...um......

......don’t ask me what happened........

After the big group hug, Marik and Marik switch places.

This was because bad Marik was fused with a monster card--which turned bad-Marik into...the definition of a Monster.

So, if you kill the monster card then you can...

...switch places with your alternate half...

...yes...

Basically it’s a more complicated version of what Pharaoh did to Ryou and Bakura in S1, except in S1, Bakura played Ryou as a card and Pharaoh just slammed his hands on the table and was like “Screw it, Bakura! I’m so tired of this! We’re all so individually tired of this! I’m just going to use my Shadow Magic and switch you with Ryou and then we’re all going the HELL BACK TO BED!”

This time it just had to be so much more complicated although we have seen Pharaoh willy nilly switch souls before just two seasons ago.

So, just like Bakura did to his evil side in S1, Marik banishes his evil side to the shadow realm in a card game.

Which worked super good last time, amiright?

I guess we’re all just going to assume that this works now? Even though this absolutely did not work in season 1? Like Bakura went right back to a life of murder immediately?

Then again, Bakura’s an actual dude, and Marik’s alter Ego was a figment of his anger or something?????? Maybe that’s the difference? Maybe that’s why we can be rest assured that this works now?

Maybe they’re just tired of the Marik plot line and are like “listen, he’s kind of hard to draw and we don’t want to do it anymore. He’s dead now.”

For realsies though, from what I’ve been told, Marik never goes cray again and gracefully exits the show. But, if they ever want to continue Yugioh back in this direction, you can just have him snap at any time you feel like, we all know this type of exorcism is wholly reversible.

Anyway, the clouds are lifted and we are reminded that it is still hardly even lunch time.

It is at this point that Marik turns to his Brother and his Sister, who all three have no world skills outside of scamming museums and filtering sewer water, and waxes long about all the great times they’re about to have in the future.

Like what future though? You have to go to 20 years of actual real deal school, Marik, you can only read one Egyptian text. Hell knows how many people you possessed in order to get that motorcycle permit. You for sure aren’t ever allowed to play cards ever again. Like what are you going to do, Marik?

...dude what if he just goes back on the boat and just sails away for the rest of his life with his cultists who are equally unqualified to live in the real modern world. OMG what if that’s the real Marik’s Boat Time all along?

Ah. 

I almost forgot about you, Bakura.

Just in time for the British Bake Off to start updating episodes on Netflix, just in time, Bakura.

And following this is actual real thing that happened which, if you told me about, I would have just assumed was a joke or an edit to make it appear like this is happening. But no, it’s strip time.

the hell?

Yo can you believe that like a week ago I was like quoting “One Week” for kicks in these recaps and then this week Marik is, indeed, “in the history of taking off his shirt” ?

Anyway, Marik reminds us that his only purpose in life is to uh...be a book. A book that no one can read because Pharaoh didn’t have the foresight 5000 years ago that no one would be speaking Egyptian anymore and also that his reincarnation would be a 14-16 yo Japanese boy who’s entire brain power is used for selecting cards and selecting matching belts.

I just...Pharaoh’s mind must have been in a real place 5000 years ago and that was before he ever became a ghost.

Also, it is kind of amazing how many times it has come up how illiterate Pharaoh is over the past season and he still hasn’t decided to do anything about it. Like, he’s just kind of hoping that someone else (probably Kaiba) will feed the answer to him like a baby because that’s just how this show has been up to now.

In this case he has a one-ness moment with the tablet and gets the sense of “It’s fine, we’ll figure this out later” which um...

I’m really happy that in this scene, Pharaoh is still tripping balls but everyone else is so used to him doing stuff like this, they just completely ignore it.

So glad I had 2 seasons to build up this back tatt in order to figure out that Marik’s back didn’t help Pharaoh at all. The tablet yes, the back tattoo--no, completely unnecessary. Congrats, Pharaoh’s mole people servants, you screwed up and did this weird ass ceremony on 12 yo’s for 5000 years trapped underground for NO REASON.

Anyways, preteens rejoice, Marik without a shirt is randomly 10 lbs more buffed now, which I’m pretty sure was never a thing when he was wearing that itty bitty pink hoodie. Like maybe the animators are just used to really buffed anime and this is them toning it the hell down, but uh...no actual 16 year olds will ever look like this, sorry to break it to you, preteens.

Man, the horny line running through this show lol.

Letsee, Yugi now has the puzzle, Ishizu’s necklace, the Ring, the Rod, the...

...where’s the freakin eyeball?

Did...where is it? Where is the nastiest of the golden objects?

Did Bakura never bring the eye with him to this trip? Like...is it just hanging out in his desk at home near his secret stash he super hopes that his Mom doesn’t find?

Guys, where’s the eyeball?

Anyway, now that Mokuba has decided Seto can feel joy and smile again, he gives Seto the A-OK to blow the hell out of this moneypit island that has already been violently blown up just a few years previously.

Like this begs the question, why even build this tower if you wanted to blow it up? But then again, that is the equivalent to a small child that builds block towers just to knocks them over, right? Like that part of Seto just never grew up?

So........

My bro, while looking this over, gave me the best spicy bro headcanon I’ve ever heard, and it’s absolutely too ridiculous for this blog that is mostly about what actually happens in the course of this show, but I’mma gonna share it with you anyway. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a common headcanon, but if my bro got it from some random fic he read off Ao3, I don’t know any better. So bro kinda squints at Roland, Seto Kaiba’s most incompetent bodyguard (if “bodyguard” is even an accurate description for the weird fake not-a-job that this guy has to do) and is like “do you feel like Roland has Noah’s hair color?”

and I was like “Bro, if you are suggesting that Roland is the illegitimate son of Gozobura because his hair is the same shade as the darker parts of Noah’s hair, that is one wild headcanon and I love it”

So--using Bro’s logic, lets say Gozaboro had a really stupid illegitimate son he had to hide from his wife. So he just...gives him a fake job. Considers “maybe I can use this son on A.I. Noah?” but Roland ends up being too much of a dumbass to intimidate Noah, so instead, he keeps Roland around on low-tier jobs so he gets keep an eye on him, torture him, etc.

And as the company falls out around him, Roland gets slowly promoted, as Seto and Mokuba fire basically everyone who worked with Pegasus and the Big 5. And Roland, who is just so bad at everything, forgot to attend the Pegasus coup (and would have no idea what is ever happening), so when the Kaibas returned from Pegasus’ island they still have Roland...sitting there at that long table covered in 4 identical idiot salads and orange juice he laid out for them in his patchy green moustache and his huge Gozaburo shoulders, they’re like “well.....I guess we have to take care of him now.”

And that’s the story my brother has in his head now every time Roland is on screen. It’s not canon at all that Roland is the secret 4th Kaiba brother but damn. What if he’s just the 4th Kaiba brother but has no idea, and Mokuba and Seto do, and that’s why they drag him all over the world with them? Hilarious.

I mean...Seto and Mokuba fire everyone. But they don’t fire Roland, their biggest dumbass. What a headcanon. (and if this joke ends up being real I’ll be very happy)

ALSO, new thing, the necklaces around their necks with the cute picture of eachother that they had up till now to remind eachother of their forever brotherly love--also keys used to blow up things very violently.

I should have expected this.

Anyway, lets check up on Mai---oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Y’all this was WEIRD.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

So after that extremely insensitive joke that made us doubt if bringing back Mai was a good thing, lets have a reminder that we brought back someone else even worse, who, like a parasite, was devouring everything that they love.

(Bakura’s font color has been changed to blue stripes because before he was just too similar to Joey’s yellow and my white. Eventually I will find the right system for coloring everyone’s font legibly, although I know that the patterns are sometimes harder to read for people that aren’t colorblind.)

Ah, local nasty boy is back. I’d love if they had shown more of the food he ate, but they wisely decided to crop that huge spread out of frame. Bakura eating all of the donuts is canon though. Somehow every donut aboard this blimp fit inside of that small boy’s endless stomach.

PS Kaiba Corp makes their own milk. At some point, Seto Kaiba was just leaning back into his work chair, Mokuba on the couch watching TV, Roland completely unable to reload the Keurig, and Seto was like “But what if...I made CHEESE.” (BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE KIDS LOVE CHEESE) and Mokuba was like “OMG you could sell the company back to them at 2 times the price for each share” and he was like “I KNOW.”

and so he marched down to the nearest cheese fields to buy some cows, only to find out that the agriculture market is so strained you can’t sell the shares at a times-two profit now and he‘s like “Ah dammit! I have to do real business! This freakin blows!”

Makes you think.

Anyway, then Ryou throws some shade at us about “PS, I was in Hell! I love you, too!”

Anyway, so it’s about time we ended this season, so how about it? How about we take off, watch it all blow up as a symbolic representation of all the hopes and dreams Kaiba had at the beginning of this tourney, and end this crazy ass season?

Oh wait, that relies on Roland being able to do even one thing competently.

So, that’s where we leave off.

Really truly, honestly, we need to get everyone on this show matching cuff radios because the number of times they’ve needed to call Kaiba is insurmountable. Could have solved so many problems. Really surprised that Roland can’t like...call the Kaibas right now, but now that I think about it, we clarified several episodes ago that Mokuba forcibly kicked Roland off of the radio because he was unable to work it properly.

Good job Roland, the best Kaiba son.

Anyway if you just got here this is a link to read just the Yugioh recaps in chrono order

[cephalo-trio]

Deepsea Escape Part 7

A Splatoon 2 Story written by Splat-Tendency

Starring: Lexi Camellia (POV)

((Lexi was on her way to deliver the last mail at first, and then she wakes up in the underground subway station. She has no clue where she is or how is she going to get back to the surface. She has no choice, but to venture through this abandoned station alone.))

"FO REALSIES?! YOU HAVE ALL 3 THANGS, ALREADY?!" The telephone is overjoyed that I brought over the 3rd thang. If only he had the decency to use his inside voice. Then again, this station is more vast. "ONE MORE THANG AND YOUR JOURNEY TO THE PROMISED LAND AWAITS! TIME TO BIGGITY BOUNCE, APPLICANT 10,008!" The telephone remained silent after that.

I was covering my ears from the loud talking. "My eardrums..." I winced as I stopped covering my ears. I stared at the missing poster and sighed. "I know, I shouldn't be worried about Agent 3 but... I wonder how he's doing.."

I started to think about Agent 3. He has fed me some snacks and took care of me once I regained conciousness. He is.. a very nice guy, despite him trying to kill me.

The train ride to the lines between G and I is gonna take a while. So, I felt like scrolling through the images I've taken the last two Octoboss encounters. Firstly, I encountered the sanitized clone of the Octo Samurai in Lines J and F. I had to take him down in a Baller without getting knocked off the arena. Secondly, my quarrel with the Octo Shower Supreme didn't take long while my Inkjet was active. It was located near the Break n' Bounce, where I woke up at with Agent 3.

The images of the cloned tentacles that Cuttlefish had called out are too good to be true. "Who could've cloned Octavio's troops..? It wasn't just a coincidence.." I mumbled. After several hours of fighting through numbers of sanitized troops, it feels like I've seen them before when I used to work for the Octarian Army. How strange.

Several minutes has passed and C.Q Cumber begins speaking through the intercom. "We are now arriving between Lines G and I. I repeat, we are now arriving between Lines G and I." This was addressed to me, since I'm the only applicant on board.

Before I got off the train, I decided to talk to Cuttlefish. "Um... Captain..?" I approached to him.

He turned to look at me. It seems, he was a bit lonesome about something. "Yes, Agent 8? Shouldn't you be gettin' off?"

I rubbed my left arm that was patched up. "It won't take long.. I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for being reckless, earlier.. I've been trying my best to get us out of here.. I just miss my friends and family.. They must be really worried.." I bowed to him in apology. "I kinda was like this when I used to be an elite.. I'm a wreck.."

Cuttlefish seemed a bit surprised. "Agent 8, it's alright.. When I was a young'un like you, I used to be reckless and carefree myself. It's not somethin' to be ashamed of." He cheered me up, a bit. "I'm worried about my friends and family, too.. My granddaughters, Callie and Marie haven't heard from me also.."

I didn't know he was related to the Squid Sisters. The same duo who made me wake up and realize that I was a mere puppet to Octavio. "...I actually met the Squid Sisters. It happened a year ago after Agents 4 and 5 returned the Great Zapfish.." I explained the whole story. Callie was brainwashed, Marie and the recent agents rescued her. My closest friend, Fynn was involved with this incident as well.

Shocked, Cuttlefish listened to my story. "Callie... If only I was there to save her... I'm glad, she okay thanks to the recruits.." Cuttlefish felt relieved. "You said, Fynn was also brainwashed..?"

I nodded honestly. "We were on pursuit of an elite who went AWOL and we happened... to capture Fynn... After all that, I felt really awful to him.. And then, he forgave me after all I've done.." I sat down with him. "The reason I wanna open up to Inkling society is redemption.. I wanted to turn over a new leaf after all I've done.. Thanks to Fynn's guidance, I feel confident of starting a new life.." Here I am, pouring my hearts out to someone I just met 3 hours ago. Then again, I can sympathize with Cuttlefish worrying about his granddaughters for a long time.

I see... Well, I'm sure Fynn really misses ya! The same way my granddaughters misses me!" He gave me a kind smile. "Now then, let's continue to work together to get out of here! To see our loved ones again!" He's back to his demanding self.

My eyes were filled with determination when he said it. It pains me to say this, but I'll stop searching my father's whereabouts for now. Our lives are still on the line. If we don't make it out of here, we won't see the light of day again. Literally, speaking.

After speaking with Cuttlefish, I stepped into the arena of the last sanitized boss. If I proceed, then I'll claim my last thang. Upon arrival, the huge object rose from the tainted ink. In front of me was a huge industrial toaster oven. The first Octo-Boss in the Canyon was named the Octo-Oven.

"Toastie..." That's the nickname, I gave him back in the Canyon. But that was not my Toastie. I shook my head in disbelief and took caution. If it's just a copy, I'll have no problems beating this one. "Sorry, but you're in my way.." I readied my Blaster and charged at the fake Octo-Oven.

3 minutes have passed and the oven's multiple faces started popping out at me. As I recall, Agents 4 and 5 - Dawn and Sage have fought the real one before. I wonder how they're doing since Marie recently recruited them.

I immediately climbed to the top where a large tentacle is exposed, but it's guarded with sanitized troops. I swiftly blasted every last one of them in order to finish it off for good. Those damn spreaders are persistant enough.

As the large tentacle grows larger and larger as I shot it many times, it bursts into a huge gyser of ink. It must be my que to turn tail and flee. I superjumped as fast as I could and stared at the enemy in despair.

The cloned Octo-Oven was nothing but a pile of my own ink. I managed to take a breather and sat down on the floor. I was obviously drenched in sweat. "Haa... haa... Damn, that was rough.." I wiped the sweat off of my forehead. Once the test is over, I recieved yet another Mem Cake. It's one of the Squid Sisters - Marie Cuttlefish. Thinking back to when I first met Marie in the Canyon, Marie was hesitant at first but she had gained my trust after atoning for my past. She is the one who changed my life, after all with her music with Callie.

Once all the sanitized bosses are taken care of, I arrived at my destination on Station E-02: Bust & Run Station. My long journey through the metro will soon end. I can finally go home. "I've came a long way for this... Time to gather the last thang." I took aim at the barrier. As I pulled the trigger, the barrier is already broken. I quickly snagged the 4th thang and left. "Now, what do I do with these things..? They kinda look odd, though." Once the 4 thangs are collected, maybe I have to make some kind of spaceship to fly out of here? "Whatever works, works.." I shrugged.

Back in the main station, Cuttlefish and I spoke with the talking phone. "Way to go, bucko! We can finally bust outta here! Sweet freedom at last!" Cuttlefish gently gave me a pat on the back due to my injury. It didn't hurt that much.

"Alright, Phone.. We got the 4 thangs. Now, take us to this.. 'Promised Land'. I wanna go home.." I crossed my arms, awaiting for his response.

"I... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT..!! YOU HAVE DONE IT, APPLICANT 10,008!! THE PROMISED LAND HAS ARRIVED AT LAST! NOW, LET'S MAKE LIKE A TREE AND BRANCH OUT!" Suddenly, there was an electric reaction from the phone. As it screamed an eerie tone, all of the four thangs started to form into one object. The phone is already on top of it. It must be flying us out of here.

"So, it is a spaceship..!! Just like in those sci-fi movies..!" I watched in awe as the strange spaceship opened the hatch for me and Cuttlefish.

Outisde, Marina seemed a bit skeptical about this strange object. "This can't be right.... Doesn't this look like a blender to you, Pearlie..?!" Marina sounded doubtful.

Pearl gasped and realized what was going on. "This ain't good... Eight!! Cap!! Don't go in there!!" She cried out through the intercom, but it was already too late.

Me and Cuttlfish were already inside the spaceship. I turned to look at Cuttlefish with a smile on my face. "Inkopolis, I'm coming home..!!" I grinned happily, preparing for lift off.

As the hatch closed, I couldn't wait to ride out of here to see the sun again. Suddenly, I heard one last thing from the phone before just about ready to leave this place.

"INGREDIENT AXQUISITION COMPLETE... REFORMATTING MATTER..."

To Be Continued...

[artpharos]

Antumbra Chapter 1: Morning Sun

So uhhh I posted this fic’s prologue a while back, thinking that I would wing it... it didn’t happen and I have spent the better part of two weeks plotting out the fic because of course i would   ANYWAY. Now that I’ve written Chapter 1 for realsies I feel more comfortable sharing it with everyone now :D  ...and I guess I should probably publicize it since I’m probably going to be sinking years into this thing...

Summary:  The survivor of a ravaged world, Moon is flung to an Alola blessed by sunlight. But in order to stop the Ultra Beasts coming after her and return home, the girl who never started her Island Challenge needs to get her act together. It's a good thing Gladion's there to help.

You can read the Prologue here on AO3 CH 1: Read on AO3 

Flashes of light burst through the dark. The smell of ozone stung her nostrils as Nebby carried them through the endless nothingness. It was cold, and she wanted to wrap her arms around herself, if not for the fact that she'd fall if she tried. Moon wanted nothing more than to turn back, back where the bright sun shone and the Wingulls flew happily along the beaches. Wanted nothing more than to return home.

Then, she woke. Bright light scorched her eyes, and a wave of nausea swept through her. Her head hurt, her vision blurred, and her body ached. She flung her hands out, grasping for anything to stabilize the spinning world. Coughing, retching, to expel the taste of ozone that still sat thick on her tongue.

But the air no longer flew by her ears, and gone was the endless darkness. It was still. Calm. Light, and warm.

She breathed, her eyes adjusting to the light. There was a window nearby, letting in warm sunlight that cascaded gently down her shoulders. Beyond the treeline, she could make out the Hau'oli coast. The chirps of Pikipek made up a familiar birdsong, and the remaining fear that clung to the edge of her consciousness faded away.

She let out a sigh of relief. Alola was exactly as it should be. Not ruined, no tear in the sky in sight. It was just a nightmare, chased away by the dawn of day.

But... she stiffened when she glanced around. Gone were the Pokemon plush toys in her room, and her favorite books and posters- replaced by sterile white walls and a single potted plant. The only thing that was hers were her backpack and Rowlet's pokeball, by her bedside. Gone were the morning sounds of her mother, cooking breakfast, or the local boys from Iki laughing as they ran to school.

And on the other side of the bed, a boy no older than her stared at her, watching.

Her breath caught. Partly out of surprise, but also partly because of how close he was. He looked young, around her age. His face was framed by blond, jaggedly cut hair, accented by the piercings he wore on his ear. She could make out the muscular definition of his body underneath his dark clothes, and the pokeballs on his belt. But it was his eyes that caught her attention- a familiar shade of green, with a sharp coldness that sent a chill down her spine.

He didn't speak, didn't so much as flinch, eyes wide and just as surprised as she was.

A memory ghosted through her mind. "You," she breathed.

He didn't blink, remained as still as a statue. He opened his mouth, one hand moving towards her-

Moon lunged for Rowlet's pokeball, stumbling from the bed. Her ankle struck something, pain bursting in her leg. She yelped, crashing into the table, before tumbling onto the floor. She kicked at his hands, turning her body to face him-

"WAIT!" The strange boy had gotten up, and now he took a step towards her.

But she had gotten what she needed. "Rowlet!"

A burst of light, and separating her from the stranger was her trusted, beloved Pokemon. Rowlet hooted angrily, wings flapping and razor talons primed. Surprise flickered in the stranger's eyes.

"Who are you?" Moon asked, clutching her backpack to her chest. "Where am I? What did you do to me?"

He glared at her. Even in the warmth of the sun, his eyes remained cold, sending chills travelling down her spine. He folded his arms, unperturbed by the Rowlet right in his face. "My name is Gladion," he said tersely. "You're in Hau'oli Hospital. I saved your life."

Moon frowned. "Saved?"

"When you fell from the sky. From the Ultra Wormhole."

The words made no sense, but before she could say so, her head throbbed.

Fire rained down from the sky. A shining pokemon, descending from the heavens. Blasts of scorched air and blazing light. Lillie, smiling in goodbye- then a cold, interminable dark.

Moon gasped, a shiver running down her body.

"Hey," he began.

The shiver turned into panic. It was cold- so cold, never-ending. And Nebby, Nebby was slipping from her grasp, and panic was rising so much that she couldn't think-

"Hey!"

It was loud, the voice, the silence. So loud, so deafening, like the bright light that had consumed her world. Flashes of light, an aura that stilled the wind. That had been launched at her friend-

Lillie.

Her chest hurt. She shook her head, but the nausea didn't fade. Her lungs burned. Almost like she was back there, in that empty space, that nothingness that stretched on forever-

"Look at me!"

Suddenly, everything snapped back into focus. The first thing she was aware of was Rowlet, perched on her chest, her big, round eyes peering worriedly at her as she hooted. The second thing was the tears, streaming down her face, and the heaviness of each breath she took.

The third was that Gladion was holding her, bracing her. Gone was the cold expression. Now, he was watching her with a frown, mouth agape. Eyes not so cold but still as intense, still as unsettling.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

He swallowed. Hesitantly, he answered, "You fell."

Up close, the mesmerizing green of his eyes pierced through her. His breath echoed softly in the space between them, and she was all-too-conscious of the warmth of his body, of his hand against her back.

Cheeks suddenly flushed, Moon punched him in the face.

He yelped, falling backwards as he clutched his nose. Moon grabbed Rowlet and scrambled away, struggled to a stand.

"What was that for?" He glared at her, one hand resting on the pokeballs at his hip. "I was trying to help!"

Maybe he was. He certainly hadn't done any harm to her, but still! Lifting a trembling finger, Moon retorted, "I didn't ask for your help!"

He stared at her, mouth agape. His brow furrowed, his mouth curled with annoyance.

And then a helpless laughter that rang out through the room. One that was definitely not from Gladion. Stiffening, Moon lifted her head.

They were not alone. There, standing halfway through the open door, was a boy with warm, slate-gray eyes. He looked completely normal. He wore a striped t-shirt and his messy hair, kept under a cap, looked as if he hadn't bothered combing it properly. Pokeballs sat on his belt, and when she met his gaze, he smiled.

"Hello," he said at last. "My name's Sun. What's yours?"

It could be said that Sun was charming. That he was warm. He exuded an aura of someone who was confident that he could get what he wanted, that everything would follow his lead and fall into place.

But what struck Moon about Sun was that he felt safe. Only two minutes into meeting him, and he had gotten her to sit down, offered her a malasada, and managed to get her to not punch him in the face. Rowlet had immediately taken a liking to him, deciding to snuggle against him before inspecting his backpack.

"Sorry about Gladion," Sun said, thumbing to his friend, now safely three feet away from her.

"Sorry about punching his nose," she murmured back, picking Rowlet up from her investigation and into her lap.

"Eh, it'll heal." Sun grinned. "Didn't even bleed, right, Gladion?"

Gladion, for his part, glowered at her as he leaned against the wall. The boy hadn't spoken or moved ever since Sun entered the room, as if he was more than willing to relinquish all responsibility of her. Which was fine by Moon, all things considered. Still, his unnerving stare remained fixed on her, as if waiting for her to slip up somehow.

She glanced away from him and took in a deep breath. "So... how did I get here? Who are you? What did he mean by I fell from the sky?" She ended the last one pointing towards Gladion, though she withered somewhat under his stare.

"Easy, easy." Sun patted the bed, waiting for her to sit before he continued. "First thing's first- what's your name?"

"My name?" Moon frowned. Her mom often told her not to tell her name to strangers but...

Rowlet, settled safely in her arms, gave a reassuring hoot.

"It's Moon."

"Hey, what do you know, we're a matching pair." Sun grinned. "And people tease me all the time for a ridiculous name."

Moon flushed. "It was my mom's idea. She thought it was cool."

"Don't all parents?" Sun rolled his eyes. "I get ya, though. Wasn't easy going through life with a name like 'Sun', let me tell you that."

"You don't look much older than me." Moon snorted. "You think it was easier being called 'Moon'?"

"If the two of you are done?"

Gladion didn't even shrink when both of them turned to look at him. In fact, Moon was sure his glower just intensified.

"He's pouting," Sun muttered, soft enough that only she could hear. "I don't think he liked you punching him in the face."

"H-he was holding me!" Moon bit back. "Without permission!"

"I'm not saying it wasn't justified, but it's kinda hilarious." Sun flashed her a conspiratorial grin, before settling back in the chair, arms crossed behind his head. "So, you have questions."

Moon nodded slowly. "I get that you guys saved me, but... from what? From when? Where's my mom? The doctors?"

Sun thumbed his lip. "Well, I asked the doctors to hold back until I got to talk to you."

Moon frowned. "And they actually listened to you?"

"Perks of being the Champion." Sun grinned.

Champion? Moon arched an eyebrow. It was an ostentatious title for someone no older than she was, she figured, but the way he said it made it sound as if it was supposed to mean something.

Catching on to her disbelief, Sun sighed and waved his hands. "Anyway, the docs are trying to get in contact with your family right now. You local?"

Moon nodded.

"Right, well. Shouldn't be long till they get her running down here, then. In the meantime..." Sun sucked in a deep breath. He played with his thumbs, his eyes rolling the ceiling as he muttered under his breath. Finally, his gaze snapped back to her, and he leaned in close. "How much do you know about Ultra Space?"

"Ultra... what now?" Moon frowned.

"Ultra Space." Sun's smile dimmed, the look on his face completely serious. "It's an interdimensional realm, connecting multitudes of worlds together."

"That... sounds impossible," Moon said flatly. "Or insane. Like something out of a science fiction movie."

"Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it's true." Sun sighed. He rubbed his head. "I'm not really good with all the science-y stuff, but basically, there's this huge space where a million different worlds exist together."

"Right." Moon arched an eyebrow. "And you're going to tell me that it's possible for people to travel across these worlds."

Sun arched his eyebrow in return.

She swallowed. "Y-you're joking, right?"

"Look, I totally wouldn't believe me if I heard me right now either," Sun said. "But trust me, it exists. I've seen it, with my own eyes."

"What do you mean, you've seen it?" Rowlet gave her a reproachful hoot when she tightened her grip unconsciously, and Moon winced. She ran a reassuring hand down her Pokemon's feathers.

"So like, there are some Pokemon, yeah?"

Moon nodded cautiously.

"And they can kinda travel through the Ultra Space, and all these worlds, using wormholes."

A suspicious chill ran down her spine. A flash of her nightmare- "You don't mean- No. That's impossible." She got up, turning away from Sun. Paced a few steps away, before he spoke again.

"One of them dropped you here."

She turned, hoping to see some teasing glint in his eye. But the look on Sun's face was completely serious, completely sincere.

"You came from Ultra Space, Moon. You fell from the sky, and we found you."

Something clicked. A realization.

"No," she whispered. "No, that can't be right."

"Moon?" Sun's voice was gentle, his brow furrowed with worry.

She looked out the window. At the passerby down by the familiar Hau'oli City streets, at the Pikipek and Wingull flying through the air. At the familiar landscape she once knew.

Before the holes appeared, bringing destruction and chaos. Before she ran, and her mother, and Hau and Lilie and everyone...

Moon swayed, her arms trembling. Rowlet watched her worriedly as a deep cold settled in the pit of her stomach. The memories ghosted to the surface of her mind, no longer in pieces, but in whole.

An acrid taste lingered on her tongue. It tasted of ozone, of fear. And the image of the light pokemon, its visage terrifying and so beautiful, remained emblazoned in her mind.

Her Hau'oli City was gone.

"Moon." This time it was Gladion who spoke.

She blinked back the tears, one hand gripping tight on the window sill. Rowlet hooted softly, and she nodded.

Turning back to Sun, she asked, "I'm... I'm from another world, aren't I?"

Sun frowned. "I mean, that's possible, but you could also be from this world-"

"No." She breathed. "I... I remember. There were Pokemon, attacking us from holes in the sky. They destroyed everything. The city, the streets." She lowered her head. "I hoped it was just a nightmare."

There was a heavy silence. Rowlet nibbled her fingers comfortingly. Drawing in a deep breath, Moon lifted her head. "How... did you find me, anyway?"

"My company has Ultra Wormhole tech." Gladion spoke coolly from his corner of the room. He exchanged a glance with Sun, before continuing, "We sensed a wormhole forming, and I asked Sun to come with me to check it out. We expected it to be an Ultra Beast- a Pokemon from Ultra Space. But all we found was you."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you." Moon shivered, steadfastly refusing to look at either of them.

"Nobody's disappointed." There was a shuffle of footsteps. Glancing up, the warmth in Sun's eyes caught her, chased the chill away. "We're just glad you're safe. I mean, Gladion's practically the one who saved you! Granted, it was Silvally who actually caught you, but if he hadn't spotted you coming out of the wormhole-"

Moon winced. Lifting her gaze back to Gladion, she muttered. "Guess I owe you my thanks."

He stared at her, nonplussed, before arching an eyebrow. "You can thank me by telling us how you came here."

Moon breathed, her fingernails biting into her palm. Her memories were vague, but she remembered the light pokemon, and Lillie and-

"Nebby." She hadn't thought about it till now, but it had to be. The Pokemon had been the one who carried her through Ultra Space, had been the last thing she remembered before everything had gone dark.

"Did you say 'Nebby'?"

Sun's voice was quiet. Moon was suddenly aware of Gladion and Sun's expressions- how they both mirrored shock. Sun, slack-mouthed, eyes wide. Gladion, leaning forward on crossed arms, the hostile glower gone, if only for now.

"Y-yes." She swallowed, hating their eyes on her. Hated how they exchanged a glance, as if they knew something she didn't. "My friend, she asked her Pokemon to save me. She called it Nebby."

The tension hung thick in the air, so thick that Moon dared not move. Then, cautiously, Gladion stepped forward. "Your friend. What... what's her name?"

His gaze held her, even across the room. Filled with intent, as if daring her not to lie. The green of his eyes was so familiar, that for a moment, Moon could glimpse her in his face.

"Lillie," she breathed. "Her name's Lillie."

When Sun and Gladion left her room, she heard them engage in a heated, whispered discussion right outside the door. Well, it sounded more like Gladion being heated and Sun responding to his words, but really, she didn't care.

There was too much for her to wrap her mind about. Other worlds? Interdimensional space? Nebby, and Lillie, and the nightmare-that-wasn't-a-nightmare. What happened to her world? To her home? Part of her longed to know, but another part wanted to believe this was all a horrible, incredibly detailed dream.

Even if she was in another world, what did that mean? She'd have no home, no family. She wouldn't even exist in any record. All she had was Rowlet, her hastily packed backpack, and a zillion questions that nobody gave straight answers to. She didn't even know where she'd spend the night.

Thankfully, that particular question was solved when Sun and Gladion returned. Tossing her backpack into her arms, Gladion didn't even spare her a glance when he said, "We're going."

"Going?" She frowned, Rowlet perched on her shoulder. "Going where?"

Sun huffed, rolling his eyes. "He's going home to his fancy little island in the middle of the sea. You're coming with me. Doctors couldn't find your family, as we expected, so I figured I'm the next best thing."

Moon bristled. "What makes you think I'd want to go with you?"

Sun stared at her, before he burst into a laugh. "Relax, I'm not making any moves on you." He smiled reassuringly. "But! I live with my Mom, who's a great cook, and we have a spare room, and a hot shower. I'm sure she's fine with putting you up for the night."

Moon hesitated. It did sound like a good deal, and it wasn't like she had any better plans. But the idea of trusting Sun, a complete stranger...

"Are we going or not?" Gladion groused, impatiently shifting from foot to foot.

Sun flashed her a warm smile.

Swallowing her reservations, Moon nodded.

As it turned out, Sun lived right there on Melemele Island. Right in the Hau'oli Outskirts, even.

Moon sighed in relief as they passed through a familiar landscape. It was hard remembering that she was in a different world- the sights, the scents, the people... it was all just as she remembered, barring a few differences here and there. If not for the lingering thought at the back of her mind that home was gone, she'd have almost imagined...

"Is it hard?"

"Huh?" She glanced up from her musings, towards Sun. The boy had been cheerful, but quiet for most of the trek, trotting a few paces in front of her. Now, he hadn't even turned to look at her when he spoke.

"Thinking about home. It... it's not easy, yeah? I can only imagine."

Moon swallowed. "I guess." She wasn't trying to think about it. About the destruction and chaos, the terror that had swallowed her breath. About everyone she had left behind.

"Do you want to go back?

She hesitated. Sun's voice was calm and mellow, reassuring.

"I'm not sure I have anything to go back to." She chuckled miserably. "And even if I wanted to... I don't know how to go back. You said Nebby's missing?"

"We haven't spotted it ever since it dropped you off." Sun nodded. "But we could find it, and-"

"I don't know, Sun."

He sighed softly. Gently, he reached over and tugged her hand. "Come on, we're almost there."

Some part of her was relieved as he led her down the same old routes that she'd taken every day of her life in Alola. But there was also another part, a suspicious part, that whispered that something wasn't quite right- or maybe, that it was too right.

Sun walked without hesitation, skipping along with a spring in his step. Tugged her along the way until they reached a house that Moon could never mistake.

And there, a familiar brown-haired woman swept the porch with a Meowth lazing on the banister. She smiled as they approached, that warm, all-accepting smile that Moon knew so well.

"Welcome home, Sun," she called, placing the broom aside and stepping down the steps to greet them. "And who's this?"

She turned kind eyes onto her, and Moon gasped, blinking back the tears she'd been trying so hard to hold back. But then the woman frowned and reached towards her, one hand grazing over her cheek. Her resolve snapped. The familiar scent, the familiar face, the familiar warmth of a mother's touch...

Moon threw her arms around her, buried her face in her shoulders like she had done her whole life. Cried, like she had always done.

A hesitant hand braced her head. Comfortingly, the woman rubbed her back, letting her cry. "Shhh," she crooned soothingly. Gently.

Moon cried, a shaking sob wrecking her.

"Mom," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

[jinnielovebot]

whatever sick ass marketing strat jyp thinks he’s tryna pull, it’s not working

im not gonna rant about jyp in this post bc im sure PLENTY of you have alreayd done that and trust me, i have too. lets just think about how emotionally crushing this must have been on the boys :(((

chan had to not only be told that he had to get better at EVERYTHING (srsly tho jyp what ht e fuck) but he had to watch 2 of his members get eliminated. as if jyp couldnt spell it out any clearer that he thought chan’s effort and hard work was for nothing. i cant even begin to imagine how hard this must be for him, thinking that he probably failed his team and that it’s all his fault.

woojin ahsdASDJKAS okay listne here BITHC woojin hasn’t been practicing for years upon years just for jyp to say “lmao ur not main vocal material” suck my ASS jyp if youre fucking looking for main vocal material in your company then i think its safe to say that you need to remove yourself from the music career then :) woojin literally helped other members out with their vocals and jyp has the balls to say hes not good enough wha theh fu cfdjgksvhf it hurts sm to see woojin look so disappointed in himself when he really shouldnt be ajdkdlsls

changbin literally had to see the 2 members of his group get eliminated. he looked so broken when felix got eliminated it actually fucking hurt my heart just to hit the unpause button and see him torn up when he was hugging felix. when he kept saying he was sorry to felix i almost lost it there was so much desperation and regret in his voice it was so painful to see him so broken and blaming himself for losing his group members

hyunjin, oh my god where do i even start idc if im sounding biased rn but this kid had to go through TWO elimination scares, both in the first mission and after the busking like how the FUCK do you think he feels rn?? im so torn knowing that hes probably scared that he’ll be next or that he’s not cut out for the team with all the (STUPID ASS) criticism he’s gotten from jyp ahsdkjadajsk i srsly hope he’s not losing confidence in himself :(((

jisung now has seen both woojin and jeongin at risk of elimination i swear to the lord his heart must be absolutely crushed right now. can you even imagine how guilty he must be feeling right now that he couldn’t help those two even THOUGH HE REALLY DID A SHIT TON like asdjhkASDAHSKJ

minho suffered through SO much unjustified criticism from jyp it scares me to think about how much confidence he must have lost because of it ajkd he worked his ass off improving his rap, dance, and vocals in such a short amount of time but jyp just tossed that all out the window and u know all those memes on tumblr abt minho whooping jyp in the future? that better happen soon for realsies :’)

jeongin has srsly been in fear of that disgusting crusty ass old snake man jyp ever since the first mission bc jyp is a blind ass cuck who thinks its cool to scare the living daylights out of jeongin. this poor kid has had to go through so much criticism throughout the show bc apparently jyp cant see that he’s actually IMPROVINGA SHIT TON and is still young asf so he still has time to learn. dhaskdjas i hope he regains his confidence and stands up to that crusty old man soon >:(((

seungmin, i thank rvery star in the sky that jyp has for the most part kept his grimy hands off of seungmin but i remember this onenficcking part i just cant rememebe r WHERE but he looked so crushed and it was all bc of the one and only snake

felix, i needa take a breather. you can’t fcking tell me that felix isn’t a hard worker. this boy who’s not even 18 yet freaking left his home miles and miles away with little knowledge about the language nor korea itself, all just for a shot at debuting under jyp. he poured all his blood sweat and tears just to practice his dancing for hours and hours, and when he wasn’t dancing, he was practicing korean for the few months that he was in korea. you can even fking SEE HOW HE WAS PRACTICING HIS PRONUNCIATION AND RAP FOR THE PERFORMANCE and yet jyp doesnt see that he basically just threw away all of felixs hard work and boy oh boy i cannot begin to imagine how felix felt being told he just wasnt good enough. idk someone probably gonna argue that “if he wants to debut he shoulda gotten better at korean” but see the flaw in YA LOGIC IS THAT he’s been there for very VERY few months. a language can take upwards of years to learn, yet hes been doing it every minute of every day over the span of 2-3 months and it’s not always about how good you are at something, it’s about how HARD you work to get there. it doesnt matter if he’s not perfect at korean or if he made mistakes in the choreo, it matters that he actually works really fucking hard to improve and jyp overlooked all of that with his ugly ass sunglasses

rant over congrats if you made it this far

[eyfey]

Do you have the full translation for chapter 173? I'm trying to figure out what their conversations were about

I... actually do! I just finished up translating that chapter for PSI Scans a couple weeks ago, so just this once I'll post a chapter transcript for 173

Enjoy! (under the readmore)

Page 007

{1}

1: Cafe Mami.

2: Seated at the table farthest from the entrance...

Sign: Cafe Mami.

title: PSI 173: Let’s go! PK Academy PSIkickers!

{2}

ai(a): 4:43 pm...

ai(b): Ah! There we are!

{3}

ai(a): And here he...

ai(b): Comes!

1: Welcome.

Fx: jingle jingle

{4}

sai: Good grief... Here too...?

{5}

sai: I don’t know what you’re planning...

{6}

sai: But can you stop showing up before me everywhere I go?

ai: Heyo♡

-

Page 008

{1}

top: My fighting technique?

It's nothing really, I'm just

using ESP.

This week’s ESP Haiku model: Saiki Kusuo-san (16)

Sign: Ultimate

{2}

title: PSI 137: Let’s go! PK Academy PSIkickers!

-

Page 009

{1}

1: Thanks for waiting.

Sign: Cafe Mami

{2}

1: Here’s our house coffee jelly.

Sai: What a pain... Even though went out of my way to come on a day when Mera-san wasn’t working...

fx: set

{3}

sai: So why is she here? Seriously...

ai(a): I never pegged you as the kind of guy who liked sweets Kusuo. That’s hilarious.

ai(b): Let’s go to a dessert buffet some time.

Sai: Don’t sit next to me. Go sit on the other side.

Fx: click

{4}

sai: As for how she knew I was going to be here... I don’t even need to ask.

Ai: Hey, were you surprised that I was here!?

{5}

ai: Sorry! I scryed it ♡

ai: Aha,

sai: This is the problem with ESPers.

Fx: Ta-dah★

{6}

ai(a): Well, I'm pretty sure you already knew, since you always manage to ditch me at school.

ai(b): You're like, on some whole nother level.

sai: It's because I can hear you with telepathy.

{7}

ai: Oh! That looks good!

-

Page 010

{1}

ai: Ahh.

{2}

ai(a): Woah!

ai(b): You’re no fun~

sai: nom nom

{3}

ai: Well whatever! I already ordered something so I don't care!

Ai: It’s taking forever though! Hey! Is it still not ready yet!?

{4}

ai: You've got 10 seconds!

1(a): Yes ma’am! It’s ready now!

1(b): Sorry, but you placed a very complex order!

{5}

1: As you requested: One mega serving of coffee jelly everest with caramel sauce, extra chocolate chips, and ice cream super sized.

Ai: Wo-hoah!! This looks totally dope!!

sai: That is incredible.

Fx: ta-dah

{6}

ai: You really outdid yourself old man! I’ve changed my mind about you.

1: Ha ha ha I won’t lose out to the young people just yet!

Sai: They’ve become friends.

Fx: yay yay

-

Page 011

{1}

sai: More importantly, why are you going out of your way to foresee where I’m going to be and then wait for me there?

Sai: Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with me...?

{2}

Sai: ...though right now not only is she not getting involved, but she’s even completely ignoring me.

Ai: This is going to get so many retweets.

Boss: Yay! Happy joy-py nice to meetcha-py!

Sai: Can I go now?

Fx: click click

{3}

sai: Huh!? You want to know why I was waiting for you?

Ai: You don't really need me to say it for you to know, do you?

Fx: tap tap

{4}

sai: It’s faster if you just say it though. Honestly...

ai: ...love you...

{5}

ai(a): I super love you ♡

ai(b): Super love-love.

ai(c): Pay attention to me ♡

ai: I love love love love you.

ai(a): I love you so much

ai(b): BIG LOVE　♡

ai(c): Wuv you ♡

ai(d): Cutie wootie lovey wuvy ♡

{6}

Sai: I still don't understand. I should just leave.

Ai: Huh!? Wait, where are you going!

Fx: clatter

{7}

tori: Huh?

-

Page 012

{1}

tori: Huhhh!?

{2}

tori: Saiki-san’s on a date!?

Ai: Huh? Who are you?

Sai: The annoyances have increased.

Fx small: run run run run run

fx large: BAM

{3}

tori: Woah! You’re the transfer student boob girl!!

ai: Ah! You’re the p*nis aura playboy!!

tori: P*nis aura!?

Ai: Besides, what does a suspicious guy like you want with my boo!?

Tori: Your boo!? Is this for real Saiki-san!?

{4}

sai: Shut up.

Ai: Nmph!?

Tori: Fbgh!?

Fx: Slam

fx small: snap

{5}

tori: ...!? Wait... what are you doing!? I understand if it was just me, but this girl...

{6}

ai: Isn’t that dangerous? Your powers are totally gonna be found out...

-

Page 013

{1}

1: Huh!?

{2}

tori: You told tits mcgee about your powers!!??

ai: Huhh!? Why does he know about your powers, Kusuo!!?

sai: I repeat: Shut up.

Fx: boom

{3}

ai: I thought it was our special secret!?

Tori(a): But you were trying that hard to hide it...

tori(b): Don’t tell me... you gave in to the power of boobs!?

sai: Lower your voices already.

{4}

ai: I mean like, why would you ever tell someone as loose lipped as him!?

boss: They’re pretty noisy over there... I wonder what they’re talking about?

Sai: At this rate one more person is going to know.

Fx: shout shout

fx bot: sneak

{5}

sai: You two are the only ones at our school who know.

Sai: and the reason I told is the same for both of you.

{6}

text: The same...!?

TextP: Then that means this girl also had her abilities acknowledged by Saiki san and is permitted to be his right hand man...!?

Sai: I haven’t acknowledged anyone and I’m not permitting anything.

{7}

text: The same...!?

Text: Then that mean just like me, he thinks Saiki is his soul mate!?

Text: Huh!? BL!?

Sai: No one is anyone’s soul mate and there is no BL.

-

Page 014

{1}

sai: It’s because both of you also have special powers.

Sai: I just figured it would be better to tell you myself then to have you find out with your own abilities.

{2}

tori: Huh... So that means you have ESP too...?

ai(a): Huh!?

ai(b): Are you serious right now!? This guy’s obviously just your average joe!

{3}

ai(a): Oh, is that it?

ai(b): Is your power that you can tell a girl’s three sizes just by looking?

Tori: Oh come on! Don’t underestimate me! I was born in a temple family!!

tori: Don’t think I'll forgive you just because your bust is 89cm!

sai: So he can tell.

{4}

tori: I have the power to see ghosts!

Ai: Huh? Wait, for realsies?

{5}

tori: For realsies! I’m a spiritual medium.

Tori: I can talk to ghosts and have them possess my body.

{6}

ai(a): Aren’t you just delusional?

ai(b): Shouldn’t you go to the hospital get your head examined?

Tori: I’m not seeing hallucinations!?

-

Page 015

{1}

tori: Well, I’m used to people not believing me, so let me show you some proof.

Tori: Hey.

{2}

tori(a): ...mutter... mutter...

tori(b): mutter mutter mutter...

ai: ? Who are you talking to?

tori(a): ...mutter... mutter...

tori(b): ...okay!

Fx: intense intense

{3}

tori: Rose pink T-Back...!

Ai: Huh!?

Tori: That’s the underwear you’re wearing right now.

Fx big: Boom

fx small: Swish

{4}

tori: I had a ghost check and tell me!

Tori: Well? Was I right?

Fx: ta-dah

{5}

tori: If I was, then as proof how about you show

fx: Kick

{6}

ai: He was right!

Ai: Tch... These were my fighting panties too...

tori: ...It was too fast, I couldn’t see...

{7}

sai: When did ghosts start agreeing to requests like that?

Tori: heheh... I’m not the same as before.

Fx: wobble

{8}

tori: I’ve gotten some negotiation material...

tori(a): In exchange for them doing what I ask...

tori(b): Urgh!!

fx: Flinch

-

Page 016

{1}

tori: Mo-poh.

Fx: snap

{2}

tori: Yyeeeaaahhh!!!

tori: It’s flesh!! All right!!

fx: ta-dah

{3}

tori: Wahaha!! Gravity!!

tori: Gravity is crazy!!

fx: bounce bounce

{4}

tori(a): Woohoo! Wind pressure!!

tori(b): I can feel the air!!

fx top: whoosh whoosh

fx bot: spin spin spin spin spin spin

{5}

1: Yes yes yes yes yes!!

2: I can’t get enough!!

fx top: Jab jab jab

fx bot: stab stab stab

{6}

tori(a): Wahoo... huh!?

tori(b): That’s it!?

Tori: Wait, hold on, just a little l-...

{7}

tori(A): ......!

tori(b): Phew...

tori: ...Do you get it now? Saiki-san...

fx: silence...

{8}

tori: I got him to tell me the color of her underwear in exchange for me lending him my body...!

Sai: You wanted to know that badly, huh.

Fx big: Ta-dah

fx small: huff huff

-

Page 017

{1}

ai: Hey, this guy might seriously be bad news... you should stop hanging out with him.

Sai: You make an extremely good point.

Tori: There! That’s my power!!

{2}

tori: Now it’s your turn, tits mcgee!!

ai: Oh, me?

{3}

ai: I’m a fortune teller! I can see the future, the past, or whenever!

Ai: And let me just say, unlike your powers, mine are the real deal! Get it!

Fx: Ta-dah

{4}

tori: Fortune telling~? You sure you don't mean body selling?

Ai: I’ll kill you!!

tori: Besides, it’s probably just stuff like Aquariuses will be lucky today, right?

{5}

tori: It would be a different story if you could foresee the winning lottery numbers or something, but...

ai: I can.

{6}

ai: I can foresee them...

ai: Got a problem with that?

Fx big: ta-dah

fx small: whoosh

{7}

tori: ...huh...

tori: Well isn’t that impressive...

fx: whoosh

{8}

tori: In that case...

fx: crouch

-

Page 018

{1}

tori: Please make me your disciple!!

ai: No way!!

fx: Boom

{2}

tori: I’ll clean, do the laundry, give you massages, provide night service, anything you want!! Please!!

ai(a): Even if you try to butter me up now, it’s no use!!

ai(b): You’re disgusting!!

{3}

sai: That’s amazing. So you can even do stuff like that...

ai(a): Huh? Well, I guess?

ai(b): It’s nothing compared to what you can do though Kusuo. ~blush~

{4}

sai: No, even I don’t have the ability to predict whatever I want.

Ai: But getting the winning lotto numbers has a high chance of things turning out badly.

{5}

ai(a): A person’s luck moves like a wave.

ai(b): Whenever something really lucky happens, something really unlucky is sure to follow so that it always balances out to net 0.

ai: That’s why if you win the lottery, you might just end up dying on the very same day.

{6}

ai(a): One time, before I knew about this, I used my powers to win 3 free packets of Yotchan Squid in a row, and the very next day I got hit by a truck.

ai(b): My bones were totally shattered! Lol ♡

sai: That’s not net 0 at all.

Text: Yotchan Squid

-

Page 019

{1}

tori: Woah... what the heck? That means your powers are completely useless...

tori(a): You got your bones broken (lol) just from winning 3 packets of Yotchan Squid? Wow that’s terrible...

tori(b): Can I take back the groveling I did?

Ai: Huh!?

{2}

ai(a): Yeah but I can foresee anything about other people!!

ai(b): It’s way more amazing than your stupid power that only let’s you hallucinate!!

tori: Huh!? You don’t understand anything about what makes my power great!!

{3}

tori: It seems I have no choice but to make you understand...

tori: just who the weakest, most disgraceful member of the PK Psychic Trio is...!

sai: I don’t remember forming any trios.

Fx: menace menace

{4}

ai: You're the one who needs to understand..

Ai: We already have our super love love ESPer Combo, so you’re not necessary.

sai: We have no such thing.

Fx: menace

{5}

tori: Okay then! Let’s compete to see who’s more worthy of being Saiki-san’s sidekick!!

ai: Bring it on!! You’re going down!!

tori: What should the competition be!?

Sai: Well, I’ve eaten my coffee jelly. Guess I’ll go home.

Fx wht: Shout Shout

fx: Scoot

{6}

sai: Seriously. What a waste of time... hm?

Aai: How about... uhhh...

fx: shout shout

{7}

sai: Nwah!!

1: What’s wrong!?

Fx: Clatter

-

Page 020

{1}

fxtop: Menace menace

fx left: Boom

{2}

tori: Woah! It’s a cockroach!!

ai: Huhh? Ew, you’re right.

Ai: ? Wait, but aren’t you freaking out a little too much?

{3}

tori: Stupid! Saiki-san hates bugs enough to pee his pants!!

sai: I didn’t...

tori: All right! Whoever eliminates that bug gets to be the sidekick!!

ai: Huhh!? Hey, wait!!

fx: dash

{4}

tori: All right! Let’s go! Are any of you good with bugs!?

1: Not me.

2: I’ll take care of it.

{5}

tori: All right! I’ll leave it to you then!! I’m not actually good with bugs myself...

1: Geheheh... Bugs are easy as pie...

text: Possession!!

fx: Boom

{6}

1: I’ll turn you into a pancake!!

tori: Huh? Hey, wait... with my bare hand!?

Fx: Whoosh

{7}

1: Ah!! It’s escaping!!

fx big: Smack

fx small: flutter flutter

-

Page 021

{1}

1: And now it's going... what!? That girl...

ai: I used foresight to see that it would fly here!!

fx: Ta-dah

Cans: bug spray

{2}

ai: Take this! Cockroach repell...

ai: Ew never mind I can’t do this!! I can’t stand bugs either!!

fx top: flap flap flap flap

fx: duck

Can: bug spray

{3}

tori: Hey! Why are you running away!! Aren’t you psychic!?

Ai: You do something about it!

Fx: Aaaahhhh

{4}

fx: smack

{5}

boss: Ahh~ I’m so sorry, I’ll take care of it.

Boss: Even though we just had the place fumigated last week~

{6}

tori: ...let’s just call today’s match a draw...

ai: S... Sounds good...

sai: Glad to have you as my sidekick, manager.

Sign: Cafe Mami

[ladysophiebeckett]

Dissecting 4x16 part 2 (part 1)

 (more babbling)

 My alternative title for 4x16 is ‘Being A Peppler Vol. 2’ Bc it fucking was. It was about being a Peppler for realsies and I both loved it and am traumatized by it. In fact—

 Things 1x14 and 4x16 have in common:

 Steele and Laura pretend to be a married couple with problems.

Steele and Laura use the client’s job\place of work under different names for the investigation (The Pepplers\The Blaines)

Both clients’ marriages appear to be fine but are actually unsatisfactory in some way. (In 1x14 it’s the wife, in 4x16 it’s the husband)

In both cases the male client’s wife is actually the culprit.

In both episodes Steele and Laura fight in some way.

Laura hurts Steele’s feelings in some way. (Though in 1x14 it is minimal compared to 4x16)

But also, 1x14 is like---they’re only play acting that they’re married and in 4x16 it’s like, ‘this is what marriage is really like and it’s not always fun and you don’t always get to play a round of golf at the end. Sometimes you hurt each other and alcohol + drunken confessions are not enough to erase prior arguments’. It’s hard, painful shit man. (I’m so traumatized guys and I come from family that yells).

And they’re not even really married, but the fight feels very much like ‘this a newlywed couples first big fight’.

I think we can all agree that There is Too Much in this ep, 4x15 did not prepare me at all and I am still mad about it bc not only does 4x16 draw comparisons with 1x14—but the client case is too similar to the business problem Laura and Steele had a year before.

Gerald and Sonia go to them bc there’s accidents occurring on their property\place of business and thus they’ve been placed on probation by the state licensing board and could very well lose their license.

Sound familiar?

On top of that, Steele confronts Gerald about his affair with Ursula—

 Steele: Are you having problems?

Gerald: No…I mean…not professionally. That’s why I didn’t mention it. Our commitment to the spa is built on a bedrock of love and devotion. As for our personal life…I haven’t touched her in months. Now with our license in jeopardy…I want it to work…but Sonia---it’s obvious that her work is more important to her than our marriage.

 The fact that the case is somewhat about the licensing board and that it’s about a couple that is juggling a professional life and a personal life---cannot be a coincidence.

This is the problem Steele and Laura were facing a year ago.

From full out losing their license, to both their personal and professional relationship suffering (and temporarily ending)—only for Steele and Laura to later overcome that and try again bc not trying didn’t make either of them happy and was quite frankly, probably the worst 4 months of their life.

Even when they weren’t together, they both had a hard time trying to be with other people bc it wasn’t what they really wanted. Even though, canonically speaking, they’ve yet to physically consummate their (at times limbo) relationship—Steele has never cheated on Laura or vice versa. Steele has never wanted to nor felt the need to, even times when he was frustrated or annoyed--to cheat. He wants it work with Laura, so he tries. 

I dont mean he tries not to cheat on her (that’s not a difficult thing to do)---I mean he tries to be there for her, he respects her, respects the lines she’s drawn and while he’s frustrated at not advancing their physical relationship--he never really pressures her. It’s true when he says ‘What about feelings? That’s the part I’m interested in!’---Its not just a comment on the lack of physically relationship, but him saying ‘I’m interested in everything about you pls let me in’--this is an entirely different topic and its all getting away from me. moving on. 

The fact that Laura takes advantage of the case to talk about their relationship vs Gerald’s comment on Sonia choosing work over him highlights Laura’s own wants. Yeah she wants to work (with Steele) but she also wants to be with Steele. And working with him and being with him, allows her to have both. And why can’t she have both? She doesn’t have to choose. With Steele, she doesn’t nor does she have to bc he’ll always be there (bc he wants to be there). And bc unlike Gerald and Sonia, they want to try.

They gave up once, and it sucked.

Their biggest problem is their inability to communicate certain things. But their feelings for the other are in the right place.

The Gerald\Sonia side plot was just the sign of a test they had already passed.

The Fight was, again, a thing that needed to happen in order for them move forward and it would not have happened the way it did had they spoken post london. Which it is clear now, that they did not bc they are dumb beloved associates.   

[agl03]

AOS 4x20:  AKA When you have that really crazy theory that comes true AKA What the HECK just happened?!

First and foremost….everyone take a DEEP breath…it’s going to be okay…that didn’t go down exactly as I thought it would or as we hoped…and pretty sure I’ve shortened my life another ten years…but there are points of hope…I did see some good…I know my ask box will beg to differ but here was some points of hope….and plus side…we have our Fitz back.  He’s in the clutches of the Big Bad still but he’s our Fitz again…yay.

So lets just dive right on in here.  

Mack:  Oh dear Mack. As a parent I can’t fault him I really can’t.  Pretty sure we haven’t seen the last of Mack.  And the terrible thing is they now might have to force him out in order to save his life in the next couple of weeks.  Which is only going to hurt that much worse and make the fall out that much worse.  I’m all for Mack and Uncle Trip teaming up in the Framework to raise Hope and take down what is left of Hydra.

Radcliffe:  Well I think I can count that as a prediction coming true.  He did indeed sacrifice himself, his chance at rebirth and even immortal life, the thing he wanted most for Fitz.  He did care for him and while it doesn’t make up for what he did I do like that bit of redemption he got there at the end.  We might see him one more time if we go back to the Framework, we’ll just have to wait and see.  Though we all need to curl in a ball a little bit that good or bad Fitz lost two father figures in one episode.  Alistair said the one thing to him I doubt he ever heard from his real world counterpart, I love you.

Daisy:  Poor girl was doing what I call herding cats all episode.  Trying to keep everyone together long enough to get them all out.   Nice use of powers opening the portal. Did a good job as leader.  I’m dead with her saying goodbye to Mack  Had some nice closure with Trip, just an overall steady episode for her.  And next week it’s out of the frying pan and into the fire for her.  They are under attack (thinking Talbot is going to show up with some fancy planes to help out) and then she needs to get to where AIDA had the hostages before they die.

Coulson:  The man is going to be getting soap making kits for the rest of his life.  The Philinda was oh so strong it this episode and I really loved it. Real World Coulson is totally back!  And boy did we miss him.  Sadly mom and dad weren’t able to stop AIDA from taking off with one of the ducklings but overall that was a big big win.  

May: FINALLY!   WE HAVE MAY BACK!  FOR REALSIES! Was I the only one flashing back to Garrett’s “You’d follow him to the grave” from Turn, Turn, Turn?  She followed him through the molten lava portal.  Nice bit of flirting there as they picked up without missing a beat and looking forward to them taking down Robo Superior next week…I hope.  May deserves to do some serious butt kicking here.  Once she recovers, and I do like that they had her a bit wobbly with how long she’s been in there.  

Jemma:  Well Woman on fire didn’t go quite how I wanted.   Alistair going out how he did only sank Fitz deeper into the illusion and made it harder for her to get to him during their short confrontation. But here is NO DOUBT as to Jemma’s love for him.  Even with a gun to her head she wouldn’t say she didn’t love him.  

I can’t say this enough.  Jemma is well aware what has been done to Fitz.  That the other hostages aside from Coulson with the Tahiti assist weren’t able to wake up.  That Fitz did wake up a little after Agnes but was pulled back in.  I personally feel the loss of his father was too much for Jemma to overcome in a short amount of time.   She knows he’s been manipulated and brainwashed.  She knows it wasn’t him.  Now that he’s been taken again she’s going to be more driven than ever to get him back…once she isn’t being blasted out of the sky.  And let’s not forget Ophelia DID NOT WANT THEM TOGETHER! SHE DID NOT WANT JEMMA ANYWHERE NEAR HIM!  Woman on fire is far from over, she has to get to him in the real world. She is not going to give up, not now not ever. They would have been separated again anyway…and this way is even more painful.  That Jemma gets to Coulson and May only to learn that AIDA has taken him…again.  I’m holding on guys.  I have faith.  

Fitz:  When that really crazy theory that you had seems so crazy you request it be turned into a fic because it won’t happen…actually happens…yeah…so that actually happened.   Is it too late to take back I wanted the whole Fitznapping /Role Reversal thing?  Is is?  Okay. So let’s roll with this.  I won’t lie, I am a bit disappointed that Jemma didn’t break Fitz even a little bit there at the end.  But at the same time I see what he writers were doing that she wouldn’t deny her love for him no matter what AND giving Dadcliffe a bit of redemption.  It also needs to be noted that May and Mack didn’t remember at all either…Mack still immersed in the illusion.

BUT…our Fitz was back, as soon as he came out.  Our Fitz was there…and devastated.   To those that are upset that he didn’t mention Jemma there in that scene.  He had been out for a few moments when they cut to him, he could have woken up with her name on his lips and we didn’t get too see it.  And the poor guys was totally overwhelmed with everything.  

And then Ophelia showed up and spirited him away again.  I have watched that scene a few times now and a few things stood out too me.  He did not react how Ophelia wanted.  He didn’t run to her, throw his arms around her, or kiss her (it was almost a twisted parallel of the Fitzsimmons reunion from 4.07, only he didn’t react how she wanted).   He was stunned almost in a trace. And you see him slip into that “trance” when she says Leopold.  We have a number of metas out there that we suspected there was also some sort of trigger in play with Fitz….and we had pegged Leopold as the possible trigger.   Fitz is out and able to fight back better, but she’s done a number on him, still enforcing the programming, and he’s still in her clutches.  Our Fitz is now out too and our Fitz loves Jemma.  Ophelia knows and is afraid of that.  He’s going to fight her now!

Ophelia:  Well that escalated a lot.  Did anyone have she comes to the real world with Gordon’s powers?  Me neither so kudos to the writers on getting one over on me. And Mark confirmed on twitter that those were indeed Gordon’s powers.  Now we need to be leery if she has more powers too.  If she gave herself anyone else’s powers while she was at it…Daisy, Lincoln’s, Jaiyings, Raina’s, Lash, please no Hives?  I’m still not 100% sure what her plan is here.  Taking over the world/making it into what ‘they’ (insert gagging noises) want it to be.  Though news flash lady, this Fitz isn’t going to be down with the whole take over the world thing.  She wants what she had in the Framework in the real world and that is just not going to happen, she’s still going to try, but it’s not going to happen.  She has Fitz, he is still her hostage, she has quite possibly brainwashed him and is triggering him, and she is not going to give him up without a fight.  

Misc Items:

Have to say love him or hate him….I’m a bit disappointed with how they left Ward.  Is he alive?  Dead? Captured by Hydra?  On a yacht in the Bahamas?   I mean Burrows was back and we know he was helping him fight so what on earth happened to him!?

Fitzsimmons:  I realize right now a lot of the fandom is upset.  This has been a long arc and we just want them back together.  They lead us along the whole time in the Framework and then hit us with a truck of feels when they finally got reunited for only a few moments. I wholly own that I was wrong and this DID NOT go down how I thought it was going to tonight.  This episode was more of a Philinda episode than any other couple.  And that’s fine, that story needed to be resolved and it was done rather nicely.  But I was right, we got our Fitz back, it was for a few precious seconds before he was kidnapped again, but we had him back.  And he is NOT okay with what happened in the Framework and he is NOT the Doctor.  Iain said at Wondercon that The Doctor and Fitz are two different people and Fitz DOES NOT love Ophelia he loves Jemma.  And Ophelia is about to find that out.  

Jemma is still out there and she is still going to stop at nothing to get him back.  Now more than ever because HER Fitz is out there all alone in the clutches of a madwoman who thinks he loves her.  I will not be shocked if Ophelia doesn’t sink the Oil rig in order to keep the team distracted saving Coulson, May, and Mace and not coming after Fitz.  

I was off on the when but I maintain that the writers are building to something big with Fitzsimmons.  Have they drug it out too long?  Yeap. Is the fandom frustrated?  Yeap I won’t disagree with that.  I think now we are really seeing the effects of adding the Ghost Rider pod at the beginning of the season in this part of the arc getting crammed into the last few episodes.  

That being said Fitzsimmons is one of those arcs they still need to wrap up…I can’t say if it will be in 21 or 22 but it’s happening.   I know I’m a broken record but Lil and Iain were so happy and comfortable at both Wondercon and C2E2.  And Lil is not like that if she is not happy with her story.  She said her favorite Fitzsimmons scene is yet to air because no way was it the Framework Reunion.  She would not have been like that if Fitzsimmons had a horrible end to the season.  So hang in there guys.  I know it’s hard right now.  The writers haven’t done much to earn that faith and trust here recently but I’m going to give it to them.  A lot can happen in two episodes.  The wedding talk is STILL on the table, they said that would come up again and we have a 50/50 shot at it happening next week.   I honestly won’t be shocked if the set up isn’t Fitzsimmons being the ones that run away, to elope and heal as we close out the season.  

What it means to be human: AIDA’s a real girl…now what.  Now she has to deal with that all at once.  Learn what the different emotions feel like. Learn the difference between love and lust.  See what she has done to Fitz.  She is going to see him struggling and wanting to get back to Jemma, fighting her and her programming if that is indeed in play.  At some point I expect for her to really stuggle with the emotions and the limitations of having a flesh and bone body.

AIDA REPLACED Jemma in his life with herself and his father, they even said he was inseparable with his father.

Okay that is what I’ve got for now.  I will pick up more as I do asks and re watch the episode.  

[the-desolated-quill]

Deceptive Little Parasite - Lucifer (TV Series) blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I never thought I’d see the day where the crime aspect of the plot would be more interesting than the supernatural side. Oh don’t get me wrong. None of the case of the week stuff have been bad as such. They’re just usually the least interesting thing about an episode. So the fact that I’m finding the case the most interesting thing about Deceptive Little Parasite I think demonstrates how much trouble the show is in right now.

A woman gets stabbed in the back, which leads Chloe (and Lucifer I guess, but who gives a fuck about him right now) to a private school where privileged and ‘gifted’ children get to learn how to harness and control their emotions. It goes pretty much how you’d expect with the episode gleefully ripping the piss out of the socially elite. All of them are presented as being insecure and at times even unstable. Hiding behind their wealth and status whilst arrogantly putting down others in a bid to distract themselves from how shitty their own lives are. There’s a lot of laughs to be had, particularly when Chloe and Maze pretend to be a couple in order to scope out the pool of suspects. But what impressed me the most is how the writers are able to tie this in so neatly with Chloe and Trixie’s story.

It’s very easy to forget, what with all the convoluted celestial bollocks happening in the foreground, that Chloe did very nearly die and it would no doubt have had a severe emotional impact on some, most notably Trixie. When Lucifer takes Trixie to the school, under the pretence that he’s her father wanting to sign her up when in actuality he wants to learn... something (I don’t know. I’m past caring at this point), Trixie lets slip that she’s actually very worried about her mum. This shocks Chloe to the point where she actually considers signing Trixie up for the school for realsies in the hopes that it will help Trixie. I absolutely love how this is all handled. Chloe is worried about her daughters mental wellbeing, but rather than just talk to her about her problems (which she probably should have done already, but it’s a difficult subject matter to discuss so you can’t exactly blame her for it. She just wants to assure her daughter everything is okay), she has a knee-jerk reaction to it and considers this pretentious school. For a brief moment, Chloe considers doing what all the other parents have done. Hide their problems behind a social status symbol. And you can’t fault her for it. She clearly wants what’s best for her daughter, but she doesn’t stop to consider what her daughter actually wants or needs, and thankfully corrects herself just in time with the two sharing a very sweet heart-to-heart at the end. Both Lauren German and Scarlett Estevez do an excellent job with the material, and it came as a rather pleasant surprise.

Yes, it would seem good moments like this are becoming something of a rarity with this show as we see Lucifer stagger further and further into the dreaded Land of Bollocks.

So what's the deal with this Flaming Sword? The weapon used by Lucifer to cut through the Gates of Heaven during the Rebellion. Very dangerous indeed. So what does God do? Does He destroy it?

Instead He turns it into magic death sword with mind control powers and gives it to one of His angels, only for said angel to lose it somewhere on Earth whereby any Munchkin could pick it up and use it.

God’s a bit of an idiot, isn’t He?

Let’s pretend for a moment that the writers haven’t in fact pulled this contrived load of bullshit out of their arses. Is this somehow part of God’s plan? Does He want Mum back in Heaven and He’s orchestrated these events so that Lucifer will help bring Her back? Because here’s the thing. If God wants Mum back in Heaven, why can’t He just bring Her back Himself?! HE’S GOD!

And this is where it gets even stupider. Apparently only Lucifer can use the sword. Turns out he’s the prophesied Lightbringer and can unlock the sword’s full potential. (You know for a disgraced son in exile, Lucifer sure does get some fucking nice gifts from his Dad, doesn’t he? A magic sword, his own girlfriend, and he’s given permission to stay on Earth in the Season 1 finale. Frankly I don’t know what Lucifer is complaining about. Ungrateful little shit). Except... there has never been any indication that only Lucifer can use the sword. So how did Mum come to that conclusion? I’m still confused as to how She knew Azreal’s sword and the Flaming Sword were the same thing.

In order to unlock the sword’s true potential, Lucifer has to learn to control his emotions, something he’s always had trouble doing.

...

Oh wait. No he hasn’t. Have we stumbled into another television show when I wasn’t looking?

I legitimately don’t understand where this is coming from. No matter how dark or rough things have gotten, Lucifer has always managed to stay in control most of the time. The few times he didn’t were in situations where it was completely understandable. Like when he killed his brother or when Chloe’s life was in danger. So to do a complete 180 and act as though Lucifer has always been an emotional basket case with limited self control is just plain jarring. His problem is that he hides his emotions. Not that he can’t control them. And things just get worse when its revealed that the secret to unleashing the full power of the sword is pain.

Now hold the fuck on! Remember when the sword flamed up last time? Lucifer wasn’t feeling pain then. He was feeling anger. Pure anger because his Mum’s actions caused loads of innocent deaths and She wasn’t listening when he said he didn’t want to go back to Heaven. Is it too much to ask for the writers to remain consistent with their own continuity?

Lucifer is still an unlikeable douche by the way, telling all of these obnoxious jokes that puncture the emotional moments at times. In the past this was kind of funny, but now it’s just fucking irritating. I’m sorry, but I still haven’t gotten over the fact that he pretended to marry somebody else. And yet the show still acts as though Chloe is being unreasonable and that we should be on Lucifer’s side. Um... no. Sorry. This isn’t like a harmless mistake that anyone could have made in a relationship. He pretended to marry somebody else! When Chloe was listing all the problems she had with Lucifer to Maze, I was nodding furiously in agreement. I was never in a hurry to see Deckerstar come to fruition, but I would have been fine with it if it was written well. This episode and the previous episode basically put the flaming nutcrackers on it. I NEVER want to see Deckerstar happen after this. It wouldn’t work and Chloe deserves better. (Oh and to add insult to injury, we discover that Lucifer had Chloe’s car keys cloned without her permission or knowledge. Okay guys, this is bordering on stalker territory now. This isn’t charming or endearing. It’s just fucking creepy. Stop it).

Let’s see, have I missed anything?... Oh yeah! Mum is dying (I think). She’s in a hurry to get back to Heaven because we learn at the end that She has a plaster covering a paper cut with Heavenly light coming out of it. But... hold on. Couldn’t Mum just possess another body like She did in the first episode? And more importantly, do I really give a shit at this point? The answer is no. Not really. I mean the rest of this has been so poorly thought out. Why should this be any different? Might as well not bother getting emotionally invested in this.

Lucifer has become deeply frustrating to watch. A lot of the shit we’ve been seeing these past few episodes give the distinct impression that the writers are just making this up as they go along, and yet the Chloe and Trixie plot shows that they are still capable of writing some intelligent and emotional storylines. So what’s going on? Why has the supernatural stuff taken such a nosedive in quality? I’m just glad Season 2′s episode count has been reduced to 18 because, at this rate, I don’t think I’d be prepared to stick around for the full 22.

[bnrobertson1]

No Hooch, Year Two: On Moby Dick and Meditation

To mark a second year of not drinking, I wanted to do something more substantial than last year’s Se7en-style “celebration” of engorging half a cake, so I decided to read Moby Dick. I’d never read Melville’s meditation on, well, everything*, but a confluence of Wiki-wormholes, a pandemic-limited social calendar, and a lifelong promise to myself to actually, you know, read it (as opposed to referencing it as though I had whilst defogging my monocle) merged at just the right time to propel me through the tome’s intimidating heft.

*It’d be pedantic horseshit to call it my new favorite book, but it’s The Greatest Novel I’ve Ever Read. I recommend it for its existence-sized ambition alone, although if you write things you will feel a little insignificant afterwards.

You know the story: fish eats man’s leg. Man, upset about the whole leg thing, pursues revenge at all costs. Between pages of the most Metal shit* ever put to page (articulated with Shakespearean grandeur, no less) a story of obsession is painted that is as powerful now as it was 170 years ago.

*Metal Gods Mastodon’s album Leviathan is an ode to the book, and does not exaggerate the intensity whatsoever

I’ll can it about Moby Dick- but for the purposes of this, one of the novel’s main themes is a suitable launch pad. Specifically, that of the seductive, destructive power of self-delusion. Drinking, for some- for me- fueled self-delusion like no other. Sure, the self-delusions at first were usually of the more harmless, if not exactly positive, variety- feelings that I was stronger/ more handsome/ more charming/ smarter/ funnier than I might actually be- in other words a confidence boost of debatable need. Alas, as has happened to far better than me, the self-delusions eventually began to take on a more negative tone, and that- eventually- is why I decided to take a break.

But self-delusions don’t just stop when the drinking does. Oh, they fester, alright, and morph into toxic self-trickeries. Delusions that relationships won’t significantly change*. Delusions that the fact you don’t constantly talk won’t come across to some as a sort of new holier-than-thou attitude. Delusions that others care about your own well-being as much as you should. Delusions that warp themselves into useless mental narratives that in retrospect feel more at home in a bad sitcom than real life. They eat at your mind like termites, chewing through ladders of progress like driftwood. 

*As someone who responded to others abstaining from alcohol with cynical, if sarcastic, grumblings along the lines of “I don’t trust people who don’t drink,” I really understand both sides. The funny (and perhaps hypocritical) thing is I still kind of don’t.

I decided to place the blame for all my woes at booze’s tasty, awesome feet, thinking like (sorry, one more MD ref) Ahab that if I slayed my White Whale, all would be solved. I’d convinced myself that the only thing keeping me from bliss was just that one hurdle- perma-happiness merely required snatching the fermented fly from my ointment. I had convinced myself that my many, many flaws would evaporate like the corn squeezins from my skin and other organs and that the world would regain some lost, heavenly harmony once I put the bottle down.

Of course, this turned out to be utterly false. My the relief of my newfound quasi-clarity proved to be almost narcotic in its power, constructing a pride that blinded me to my own complexities. In fact, alcohol had helped me a lot more in life than I wanted to give it credit for- it made my quirks less rigid and my tolerance for pretty much everything far, far higher. To call it a mere “social lubricant” seems to minimize its profound (albeit ranging) effect on my personality. 

Alcohol filled a void in my life that I just assumed would be replaced with light and good tidings once I stopped. And while other substances, concerts, Stereolab vinyl, the first three books of Knausgaard’s My Struggle, and sunrise exercise did do a bang-em-up job filling that emptiness at a slightly-higher-minded level, in truth a lot of the hurt I was trying to avoid by not drinking was more than happy to wait and sharpen its knives while I fooled myself into thinking I’d figured it all out. Anxiety- while not nearly as bad as it was in my hungover/drinking days- would still spread and pop in my veins at the mere scent of confrontation or reckoning, like an oil site aching for a cracked pipe. Even though I was doing good things for my physical and mental health, I wasn’t really grappling with some of the things that drove me to alcohol in the first place. But that’s a topic more appropriately discussed with a certain person I pay a (non-prostitute) hourly rate every other week. 

Hungry for a reprieve from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I found myself doing deep dives into literature and music that would heighten some of my experiences with some of the aforementioned substances. Another self-deception? Sure, but in concert with a slightly clearer head, this one actually produced something positive when it led me to stumble upon Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler’s life-altering Stealing Fire. A book about elevated planes of consciousness, “flow” states, and how they can vastly improve lives, the book- as well as David Lynch’s Catching the Big Fish- coincided with an intellectual superior’s suggestion to get me to try- of all things- meditation. 

I freely admit this was not easy for me to do, as I have found “earthy” folk to be some of the most obnoxious on the planet for most of my life. But my desperation for some sort of lasting change led me to get over my stereotypical assumptions about the cliche meditator (and the fear of being associated with their soft-spoken, vowel-loving kind) and give the meditation app Calm a go. I felt results immediately, even in a period where outside forces seemed to be conspiring to obliterate my ego. Long story short*, taking time for mindfulness provided refuge in a real motherfucker of a year, and would eventually lead to a daily Transcendental Meditation practice and a peace of mind I hadn’t ever encountered and for which I will be eternally grateful.

*Yes, this is the abridged version.   

Meditation taught me humility, appreciation, and clarity by slowing down my relentless thoughts- something I once thought an asset- and gave me the new lens of equanimity through which to see the world. The humility* to realize I wasn’t the “most” or ‘best” anything in the world, nor would I ever be, but I wasn’t the “least” or “worst”* either**. I began to appreciate kindness as a form of a most pure, dynamic courage, not the bi-product of some bland weakness. Finally, a heightened concentration gave me the clarity to see a lot of those self-delusions for what they were, well-intentioned self-defense mechanisms that’d gotten warped and lost their way. Being exposed for what they were, they just kind of went away. The culmination of these teachings gave me the foreign feeling that while I still have a lot- like a stupid amount- of work to do, I actually kind of like myself.

*Another excellent teacher of humility has been picking up my mom’s dog’s shit every morning for the last few months. Few things will make you reflect like a dog making direct eye contact with you as she, as my mom puts it, “does her business.”

**Sure, I knew these things at a lip service level but to actually realize them was due to meditation.

But it’s not all good. Some relationships got stronger- others rusted- others crumbled. Some of my flaws that had been dulled by alcohol or good ol’ fashioned neurosis grew pointy again.  All of this probably would have happened had I been drinking, albeit in more dramatic fashions. Life- at times- seemed insistent that I pick up the bottle to smooth some rough patches both personal and universal. 

I didn’t not drink because I was strong, or disciplined. But- for the first time in a long time- the sheer terror of total relapse wasn’t the cause for my not drinking either. I abstain because I’ve got enough shit to sift through and frankly I’ve come to kind of like my edges, plus I find just thinking about being hungover to be exhausting. 

(That said, I promise if I pick up the bottle between now and the next of these over-shares, I will exhaustively report back, much like I think people who post outrageous amounts of wedding photos on social media should be legally obligated to also post subsequent divorce papers.)

I’ve started to see my faults as something to be worked on, not a damnation- or something to be blindly defended, for that matter. Meditation has taught me that change isn’t just possible- it’s constant whether you want it to be or not. I miss a lot of who I was, but I certainly don’t miss the way I felt, and embracing the now only sharpens that appreciation. There has been pain and will be bad days, but the alternative simply doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I don’t laugh as much but I smile a lot more.

I’ll close with what you may have been thinking- why write this? The first reason should be self-evident: to get some hot, hot ass.* But for realsies, I share this because writing helps me give what I referred to last year as “the abyss” some semblance of shape. What was once the void is just now a really big, fucking mountain of labyrinthine design. And while not feeling understood has always been an issue of mine, so I genuinely appreciate it if you made it this far, its really the posting itself that’s the point. Secondly, I find the stigmatization of those with mental health issues, while much improved in recent years, to be one of the biggest plagues on modern society. Although I don’t live anything resembling a sweet life, I feel being brutally honest is at least my way of trying to combat that. Thirdly, I wanted to impress you with the fact I read Herman Melville’s 1851 classic Moby Dick**. Now, if you’ll excuse me the 2/5 of cake I’m staring at isn’t going to eat itself...

*Every blog’s raison d’etre 

** Great book!