#if one of those mad scientists doesn’t end up in a robot shell by the end of these DLCs i’ll scream

[vapewraith]

👅🤖

[hufflesocks]

Ok so I am a huge fan of the head cannon that the cores were once human so basically I’m just going to give my head cannon for what happened prior to GLaDOS taking over the facility and the events of Portal and Portal 2. And since I have been holding these head cannons in for too long, so I’m just going to info dump:

Due to the importance of Cave Johnson’s project of putting one’s consciousness into a computer, I would assume that those working on the project would want to run tests prior to the real thing. And what’s better than testing on the real thing: other people. For the very first test, the scientists working on the project decided to have the subject be one of Aperture’s many maintenance workers. This was due to that fact that if the test was successful then they could continue to use the core for maintenance work, and a robot doesn’t need breaks nor do they get sick. The candidate they chose was an immigrant from Norway named Virgil Evensen. He had no remaining close relatives and outside of a friendly old lady that he would cat sit for no one who would miss him. They put a lot of effort into the exterior of the core’s shell even going so far as to giving it floral designs that matched the tattoos of the subject they were using. The scientists wanted to make a very good first impression, and they did. The first transfer of human consciousness into a robot was a success. Though they learned the hard way that in order to avoid any existential crisis the memory of said person had to be completely whipped. Using this information they began to perform many other similar tests, with many other employees to create the personality cores.

Two particular Scientists who were involved in the project were Craig Nelson and Richard “Rick” Owens. Craig was originally on the project dealing primarily with with the science of actually transferring over human consciousness, while Rick was later partnered with him to help with the robotics aspect. Their relationship as co-workers was strained at first, but soon evolved into one of reluctant tolerance. Craig had a tendency to be a bit stuck up and arrogant, while Rick was more well adventurous and a bit of a braggart(think of him as a flirtatious cowboy). Rick developed the the type of attitude towards Craig that’s like “it’s not ok for anybody to pick on this person, but me.”

Rick grew up on a ranch in Montana with his older brother Connor. Connor went to school for Aeronautics, and eventually found himself under the employment of an up and coming science institute: Aperture Science. Rick followed in his brother’s footsteps getting a job at the same facility but in the field robotics. Rick enjoyed living and working in close proximity to his brother as he had a falling out with his father soon before he got the job. Eventually his brother got married and had a kid, named Kevin. One day, however only a few months after Kevin’s birth, his wife left in the middle of the night without a trace. So Kevin grew up with his father and his “cool uncle Rick.” Often Kevin would stay with Rick while his father was on space missions. This prompted him to develop an extreme love for anything and everything space. But one typical two week visit with his uncle became a permanent one. Rick had no idea what to do when he found out that his brother went missing in space. He was torn between grieving and figuring out a how to take care of Kevin. He was supposed to be “Cool uncle Rick.” The guy his nephew would hangout with, while his father was busy, not the kids primary caretaker. And the hardest part was figuring out a way to tell the kid his father wasn’t coming home. In the end he tried to explain that his father was now in space living amongst the stars. He hoped the kid understood the metaphor. But instead it just turned Kevin’s interest in space into an infatuation with going to space. Regardless, Rick managed to make the new situation work. Though taking care of Kevin by himself often ment bringing Kevin to Aperture’s daycare center when he couldn’t find a baby sitter.

Around this time employees began to seemingly disappear out of thin air. Due to the fact that Rick was on the lower end of Aperture’s personality core project he never knew the real reason. He just provided the blueprints for the cores and checked them over when they were done. He never picked up on the fact that their personalities seemed a bit too human. One day about several years after his brother’s death and only a few days after the CEO of Aperture’s, someone very important stopped showing up to work. Caroline was one of the few people at that facility who actually listened to what he had to say and didn’t just brush him off. Plus he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t developed a small crush on her. First Rick asked Craig if he knew anything, to which he received a curt “no.” Figuring Craig was just being himself, Rick began asking around with the higher ups. All of whom seemed to side step the question, say that she must have quit, or claimed they were too busy with Aperture’s new, biggest project GLaDOS. Eventually Rick was forced to drop it.

Craig was more involved in the higher ups of the personality core and GLaDOS projects. Thus, meaning that he knew the scientists were getting more desperate in using cores to control GLaDOS as well as which employees were up next for the trials. Apparently asking around about the disappearance of a higher up at Aperture was a sensitive subject. So when Craig heard who the project’s next test subject was, he immediately went to warn him. If anyone asked, Craig hated his coworker Rick, but in reality the two had formed a begrudging friendship. Plus the fact that Rick had a nephew to care for, didn’t make the decision to use him as a test subject sit well with Craig. Craig tried to warn Rick as best he could, without divulging the warning’s motive. But saying that Rick should quit immediately for no reason and leave Aperture pissed Rick off for some reason.

The next day when Rick went to work, Craig wasn’t at his desk, and Craig was always at his desk. This made Rick extremely worried. No matter how mad he was after their recent exchange; the guy never missed work, not even for sick days. This time he was more forceful in his questioning, demanding to know the reason for his friend’s disappearance. But the only answers he received were shrugs and suggestions that he get back to work.

By this point he was fully aware something real bad was going on, and was really reluctant to bring Kevin in with him the next day. But he couldn’t find a babysitter and he couldn’t leave the kid alone. After dropping off Kevin at the daycare center, he went to his desk. As he looked up from putting his “adventure” hat in the lower drawer of his desk, he saw two men in lab coats standing beside him. One addressed him by name and asked him to follow them for a scheduled testing session(something that employees were often asked to do every so often). However, Rick had a bad feeling about it and was reluctant to go. The two Scientists tried to restrain him, but he managed to fight them off. Once free his next thought was to find his nephew and get out. But before he could take another step a needle was injected into his neck and everything went dark.

The Scientists knew they had been too careless, when a daycare employee approached them. It was the end of the day and the employee asked when one of the young boys’ uncle would be arriving to pick him up. They were desperate. The GLaDOS project was failing and they needed to cover up any loose ends that could possibly lead to the beyond unethical actions of the project being released to the public. So they followed the daycare employee to the center and found the boy sitting at a table playing with a rocket ship. Recognizing the lab coat attire as one that his uncle often wore Kevin asked where his uncle was. In response the scientists offered to take the boy to his uncle.

The last three cores were hastily made. They were full of bugs and sported the personalities of Fact, Adventure, and Space(if one could even call those personalities). It was no surprise that they didn’t work when GLaDOS was booted up. The scientists were running out of ideas, and began to think the project a failure. Until one of the younger scientist by the name of Dr. Doug Rattmann offendedly and sarcastically mentioned using artificial intelligence based personality cores instead. Much to his dismay the scientists took his idea. They had enough data collected from the numerous personality core tests, that they could easily develop an AI software. Perhaps using AI would be better for managing a Human based robot, rather than other human based robots. The first test was run using a core with a focus on curiosity. GLaDOS lasted a whole quarter of a second before trying to kill the scientists. The test was a success and it looked like with just a few more cores, the scientists could get the machine under control.

[ratjamtime]

Two Way Street

Also on AO3 and Fanfic

Shadow was a closed off mind, quiet and mysterious. Sonic was an open mind, a book full of pages and pages. Shadow found that Sonic's mind was rather interesting, the other hedgehog's highs being clearly high and the lows devastatingly low. It was almost saddening how high of a pedestal Sonic placed himself on when he was just one little hedgehog.

Well. Not anymore he supposed, their two minds tangled like a ball of yarn. They spent many nights ignoring sleep by unraveling their thoughts and soon the difference was more distinguishable. Shadow instantly raised mental walls, refusing to let Sonic know what he was thinking unless it was necessary. Sonic however was a flood of ideas, cascading into their shared head, not even hesitating to at least try and act on these thoughts. Shadow always retained him, not wanting to look weak. It was a little disappointing when he stopped trying to initiate physical contact with his friends.

It felt a little weird to know Sonic's mind was right there, open to be cracked like an egg. Shadow had spent most of his life playing mental chess except with… No, no, no more showing weakness, not in front of Faker. He had shown enough already and the hedgehog's pity flooding him constantly was sickening. And then there were the blue one's responsibilities. Leave it to the Doctor to force Shadic to leave bed.

Shadic didn't understand how the Doctor Egghead had recovered so quickly from the ARK Incident. If anything, he should be as recluent to fight as Shadic was! At least most of the mad scientist's forces were easily crushed, crushed like a soda can. "Shadic!" the kitsune called out to the one person duo. "We need to get to Station Square! That's where Eggman and his giant machine is!" Shadic frowned but nodded, metal crumpling under their foot. With a speed boost, they were carving through the layers of badniks like a knife through hot butter. They slowed for a minute, needing to recharge again before bursting. Shadic froze at the sound of a person. They wheeled around to spy a family of sheep on top of an overturned minivan in a sea (sea, sea, sea, sea, SEA-) of badniks. They move to help them but hesitate. Why aren't they helping?! Can't they see those people are in trouble?! Yes, but wouldn't it be easier to just eliminate the source? One of the children slips on their isle and nearly falls into the rising waters (water, water, water, WATER) of machines, bleating in panic. Their mother cries out and grabs them, pulling them back into her grasp. There's no time! They have to get those people out before they're seriously hurt, but the Doctor would probably get further away, but these people are in trouble NOW, but the best way to help was, NO, HE COULDN'T JUST STAND TO THE SIDE, THEY'LL DIE, HE'LL FAIL AGAIN, NOT AGAIN, NO. 7The sheer panic in their mind shocked them into action, a well aimed kick sending the motobugs flying. "It's safe, come on down," Shadic assured, smiling comfortingly. The family inched down the overturned car, the two hogs for the price of one helping every step of the way. "Thank you." the mother said gratefully, pressing a hoof to their shoulder before leaving for shelter with her family. Shadic allowed themself to bask in that feeling of success before kicking themself into gear, boosting long recharged.

Eggman seemed to be surprised when Shadic burst on the scene. "Sonic?" he questioned, raising a hairy eyebrow up his bald skull. "No and yes. Shadic for now." the fusion responded in clipped replies. After what happened earlier, they had put a tighter grip on their emotions. Eggman just stared at them for a second. "Oh." Eggman shrugged. "Still gonna kill you." The Dragoon Robot burst to life, drills whirling and lasers firing. Shadic sighed. They just wanted to sleep…... A drill dived down, Shadic barely able to move in time to avoid his ear getting sliced clean off. A spear of pure, rippling, purple chaos energy appeared in the hedgehog(s)' open palm before it slammed shut, Shadic grabbing the drill's wire and slashing down on the drill, the repurposed tool cut clean in half. They didn't waste a second to leap up onto the drill's arm, another spear bursting to life in their hand. Shadic raced up the wired arm, weaving past lasers and other drills, all in a mad scramble to quickly reach the cockpit. They weren't fast enough to avoid the metallic claw, that immediately pinned them up against a skyscraper. They hissed, already feeling bruises form under their fur. "OHOHOHO!" Eggman howled. "I have you now! I'll eliminate with you and finally-" "For Chaos' sake, will you just kill us already?" "Wha- " Eggman faltered, arms falling from their dramatic posture. "What?" Shadic stares at the oversized man with an angry and tired expression. If this was Sonic, it would be said with a teasing lit in his voice in an attempt of angering the man and getting more time, but this is not Sonic and so the words carry the burden of a boy with a mountain of regrets. Their eyes beam red as they dangle from the tyrantic man's grasp and somehow it feels like Eggman is trapped with them and not the opposite. "You heard me," Shadic growls out. "You go on and on about how you're gonna destroy us but you never do. You threaten and demand but you can never pull the trigger, can you?" Eggman goes to respond but is stopped by Shadic, a cascade that once started seemed to overflow. "And why? You've never hesitated before, not in that shabby little hole you called a lab and not now in your flying fortresses. You've never been afraid to bloody your hands so what's one more life? What's two? Think about it, you can eliminate the problem before it begins if you just kill us." Shadic wasn't even sure of half of what they were saying. It sounded right but they weren' around for that….. At least, half of them weren't. "So what are you waiting for? Why are you hesitating, hm? You don't care about us, you don't care about anyone!" Shadic could feel themselves crying but their thoughts were pounding in their head like hammers, they couldn't focus. "Why don't you just do something right for once and KILL ME?!" Silence ruled the square, only Shadic's shaky breaths heard. The claw pulled itself free, Shadic automatically catching themself as they fell. "Okay, WOW," Eggman said, rubbing his eyes. "Clearly you still are reacting to these last few adventures. I'll give you some time to rest because, Light Gaia, do you need it. I'll be back with a really evil plot, until then, GET SOME HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS, sheesh." The robot rolled away, Shadic too shell shocked to do anything. Their face was still wet. They heard the sounds of fur cutting through air and stood up, not facing Tails. "Shadic? What happened?" the eight year old asked. "We're going for a walk." Shadic said quietly. "We'll give you a full update when we get back." "Shadic, wai-" they didn't stick around to hear the rest of Tails' sentence, already gone.

Shadic ran into a tree, gasping as the full force of what they said to Eggman hit them.

Shadow's thoughts darted around but somehow it still felt emptier than usual.

Faker, I- the thought ended as they hit a wall. Shadow buzzed with displeasure and confusion. What had happened? Why couldn't he feel Sonic?

He pressed a tentative thought to their mind, feeling it bump off a….. wall? Sonic knew how to do that? Well, he supposed the quiet was appreciated.

It wasn't appreciated, not at all, it was too quiet and too loud and, wow, Shadow forgot how his mind could spiral sometimes. He had no idea the blue hog had been keeping him so grounded throughout all of this. Shadow pressed against the wall again, the resistance being an almost midnight blue feeling. What had gotten into the other? Why had he closed up? Was it what just happened? Oooooh, why didn't he take advantage of Sonic's open mind and at least look for common weakness of Sonic's foes? He couldn't reach the other, not like this. If he wanted to get to the bottom of this, he had to...he had to… he had to lower his guard. Shadow shuddered, only once, before slowly loosening his defenses, his thoughts cascading out into the space. Shadow pressed against Sonic's wall, testing its strength. Whoa. This was gonna be harder than he thought. Faker? the thought echoed. Sonic? Listen, I… I'm sorry about forcing you to say all that stuff. Nothing. Sonic, look, I- Ugh, I can't do this without you. This is a two man operation. I'll promise to be a better headmate or whatever, just tell me what's going on. The border shuddered, as if Sonic was considering it. I just, I just want to help. The wall didn't move and Shadow feared he'd sent the wrong message before- The wall slammed down and a cascade of melancholy blue washed over concerned red. Sonic's thoughts echoed memories of failure after failure; a white glove missing the falling hand of a terrified man, screams silenced by water's cold embrace, a hedgehog that looked like a star but was determined to plummet like a comet. Now, Shadow was clearly in the 'Doesn't deserve forgiveness and should have been left for dead' camp so it kinda stung how Sonic considered this thought process was his fault or responsibility. Oh no, this mess was all Shadow. Stupid 'hog and his stupid thing for saving people. You can't save everyone. I should at least try. Oh, there's the issue. And honestly, it was a little annoying how familiar it was. You did. You did your best and next time- Next time, what, you'll burn up in the atmosphere, completely convinced there's nothing worth living for and that you don't deserve forgiveness for manipulation? Um. No. Shadow winced. Sonic and his big heart, darn it. Next time, you'll have me and knowledge from past experiences to help you. Sonic was quiet before softly saying, Really?

Shadow tried not to get sucked into a memory of the past. He may be opening up but he wasn't ready for that part just yet. Yeah. But don't make me regret it, Faker. Heh...I won't.

...wanna get some chili dogs? Hmmm, I'd prefer burgers. Oh, what about Sloppy Joes? What are those? Oooooh, boy, you're gonna love this….

[starrbomb]

Metal heart, human soul

Yup, here we go again, but can you blame me?

We start this au off with little preteen Hunk who loves robotics and is a genius with it; but doesn’t have any friends. Like at all. So what does he decide to do? Well, he dives right into anything electronic; old televisions, microwaves, computers, anything with mricochips and wiring he broke down to its very basics and put back together to work even better than it did before.

Somewhere along the way, he started building his own robots to help out and just to see if he could actually get an idea to work. His mother and father knew that he had a talent with engineering and robotics, so they would do their best to get him whatever he needed to help fuel his creativity and whatever they couldn’t pay for, Hunk would somehow find it at either the dump or the impound in decommissioned and expected to be destroyed cars.

And then, around the beginning of high school, Hunk started his most adventurous and probably mad-scientist-y project; project F.R.I.E.N.D. At first it was all very basic robotics and a small handful of responses and commands. But Hunk didn’t just stop there. He continued to make new designs, new prototypes, expanding on controls and commands and responses and the more he upgraded and perfected project F.R.I.E.N.D, the more invested he became in making the best robot he could, a robot that could actually emit human emotions and desires. Of course, he always made sure to put in back ups and shut down codes in case his creations ever ‘turned on humanity’ (he watched way too many horror movies with his dad about robots turning on their creators to ever even chance it.)

Somehow he almost accomplished it, creating an android that was both helpful in everyday tasks as well as able to register its human companions’ feeling and taking appropriate actions to help them if needed. It was because of this prototype that the garrison offered him a full scholarship to their school, which Hunk excitedly accepted. Being able to go to one of the best and most electronically excelling schools in the world was a dream come true! But he still wanted to be able to complete his project. To create a real friend.

And he somehow did it. Hunk is still not sure how exactly he did it, but he did it. He made the most life like android ever. Both in physical appearance and in programming, it acted like a real person. Someone who was loud and proud of themselves as well as Hunk. He decided to give this android an actual name, something that he can call him and for others to call him by; Lance. Hunk knew that if he told the Garrison about Lance, they would take him away and open him up and deconstruct him to see how Hunk got him to work, and Hunk didn’t want that. He finally had the friend hat he always wanted, he didn’t want to give him up. So, thanks to some well made placed delicate pieces of animatronic master pieces that replicate human organs and uploading Lance’s motherboard and memory chip with everything that he would have to know to get into the garrison, and some extra stuff to give him more of a personality, Hunk was somehow able to get Lance accepted into the garrison as well. Although that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t freaking out every step of the way, worrying about the what if’s and such, but Lance was always there to help calm him down and remind him how amazing his work is, and that no one would be able to tell anything was wrong.

And that’s how Lance came to be and joined he garrison, and soon enough, Pidge joined their team and Lance was moved up to fighter pilot when some kid name Kogane got kicked out.

Every night, Hunk would do whatever maintenance and upgrading he thought of for Lance while Lance would ask about Hunk’s childhood, wanting to know everything he can about his best friend and his creator. What Hunk didn’t know was that while Hunk slept and Lance was charging; Lance would go through anything and everything he thought would help him protect Hunk better, even in slim to practically impossible cases, Lance wanted to be able to protect Hunk and whatever friends they come across as best as he could. He uploaded fighting styles and shooting parameters onto his data base, he even upgraded his own eye sight so that he could farther and clearer when needed so that he could scope out any potential aggressors. He even uploaded ways to disarming different types of bombs. Lance knows that he was going to extremes, and he didn’t want to hurt anybody, but he didn’t want anyone to hurt Hunk and Pidge either. He was programmed to be a friend and a person. But also to protect what he cared about.

And then voltron happens, and everything is happening so fast and it’s all pretty crazy but they somehow end up in space fighting in a war they didn’t even know existed. And to say that Lance didn’t take a bit of a beating during then is a lie; hun lspent hours making sure that nothing was damaged and fixing whatever problems he came about.

He started to upgrade Lance so that he wouldn’t take as much damage, using the Altean technology at his disposal to help reinforce Lance’s outer shell (aka, his skin) as well as the more important parts that would need extra protection so that he wouldn’t malfunction.

And it turns out that all of the extra programming Lance has been adding to himself actually pays off; he’s a wicked shot and can even go head to head with Shiro for a while. That of course is when Hunk figures out that Lance has been adding all of these programs and upgrades by himself. Hunk is of course scared that Lance has been acting off of corrupted software and doesn’t know what to do. Later that day, Lance goes to him and explains that he was learning all of those things to help be able to protect Hunk and their friends better; but understands if Hunk wants to shut him down and agrees to let him do so. Of course Hunk doesn’t want to do that, and he’s scared that if he messes with Lance’s main hard drive and his memory core, it could not only destroy his best friend but also put voltron at risk. Hunk decides to leave his friend be, but keeps an extra eye on him as well as do more routine diagnostics on Lance to make sure that no corrosion or corruption happens.

Now let’s fast forward a little bit, to the arusian party and everyone is enjoying themselves and Lance watches from the sidelines as Hunk talks animatedly to Keith and they both seem to be enjoying themselves. And Lance can’t help but actually feel sadness; he’s not jealous of Keith or the friendship that Hunk has started to created with him, he’s more than happy that Hunk is starting to find solid friendships with their teammates. he’s sad because someday, Hunk won’t need him anymore. He’ll either become an outdated version and Hunk will have created something even better than him or he’ll just be left behind to collect rust as Hunk moves on in his life with real humans who can give him the things that Lance can’t. If he could, Lance is pretty sure he would have started to cry. Instead, he removes himself from the party to find a more private setting.

Not realizing that Coran follows after him to make sure that he’s alright.

They start talking about earth, and Lance talks about the rain and the grass and the ocean. Things that he never really got to experience in person, but things that Hunk programmed him to visualize during his ‘sleeping’ mode. Things that Lance could say was the closest things to dreams for him.

And then the explosion happens and Lance protects Coran automatically, taking the brunt of it all. And it was a harsh explosion, not only cracking the armor but destroying and twisting much of Lance’s outer casing and much of the wiring and interfacing that was situated in his back, even disaligning his spine into broken pieces barely staying inside and much more damage to the rest of him. When the team comes upon the explosion and Lance, Shiro goes to him and picks him up somewhat, the groans of Lance’s damaged body scaring them even more.

Hunk is almost too scared for his friend to even explain, but he somehow rambles out a quick explanation out what Lance really is and he knows that he and Lance have a lot more to explain later, but right now Lance needs to be fixed.and soon. But without power to the castle, Hunk can’t even hope to get started on working on him. So he and Coran go to the Balmera to get the crystal while Shiro and Pidge stays and makes sure that Lance doesn’t get worse as well as protecting the castle.

It’s definitely a tense and hectic day or so; Sendak taking control of the castle and Pidge having to go up against him and his lackey by herself while Shiro and Lance are out of commission and Keith and Allura are locked out of the castle, but they defeat Sendak and regain control of the castle with a surprising shot from Lance who should have been literally out of commission with the amount of damage he retained, and yet he somehow powered himself up enough to make that saving shot.

Once the castle is hooked up to the new crystal Hunk, with the help of Coran and Pidge (who mostly just watch in awe and hand whatever tools Hunk needs) they get Lance back as good as new, still acting like himself much to Hunk’s relief.

They of course explain in more detail to the team about how Lance actually came to be and answering any and all questions (most of them by Pidge) they have about Lance.

And it’s hella awkward. For a while. Keith and Shiro aren’t sure anymore how to talk to him or act around him, not to mention there are some trust issues when it comes to missions and letting Lance make a call. Pidge sees him as some sort of...thing to be examined and poked and prodded to find whatever answers she wants. Coran and Allura aren’t exactly sure what to do to try and fix the rift that’s been forged between the team and Lance, mostly because they aren’t sure how to relate to him anymore. The only person that still treats him like an actual person is Hunk, who does his best to defend Lance whenever his choices and actions are called into question.

It’s hard, and it hurts. It doesnt just hurt Hunk because his best friend, his first real friend is being treated just like Hunk thought he would be by the Garrison; but it also hurts Lance. It hurts that every decision and move he makes that isn’t considered ‘normal’ for an android is called into question by everyone. It makes him question himself and his past decisions. He starts to think that maybe there is something wrong in his coding, or that he is going off track of his directives.

And when he goes to Hunk and asks him to do a total wipe of his system so that he can be rebooted as a clean slate, Hunk has enough of it. He takes Lance by the hand and calls he others for a team meeting.

And he doesn’t hold back.

He goes off on all of them, screaming and crying about how their recent behavior to Lance is not only unfair, but inhuman. He made Lance as human as possible; to feel emotions just like humans and to make decisions for himself. Yes, he uses his lightning fast processors to calculate percentages of survival and chances and whatnot, but that doesn’t stop him from making decisions that have less than 5% chance of succeeding because he thinks that it just might work. He tells them how even though he isn’t made of flesh and blood, doesn’t mean that they should see him as some kind of object to explore all they want because he isn’t just some machine! He continues to explain just how incredibly important Lance is not just to him, but to all of them, and that he isn’t just some robot; he’s just as human as he rest of them and deserves both their respect and their trust!

But the end of Hunk’s speech, Lance is hiccuping into his shoulder and hugging him as much as he can, the others not far behind apologizing to both of them.

It’s still a bit awkward at times whenever the team actually forgets lance isn’t fully human, and most of the time Pidge likes to join Hunk and Lance during his routine maintenance, but they respect him and his choices, and treat him like he deserves. And if Hunk even think that one of the team has forgotten that, he has the courage now to face it head on and remind them of the fact that while Lance isn’t human by body, he is human in soul.

[vertigovault]

The Saga of the Swamp Thing #2

Story Title: “Something to Live For” (main story), “Soul on Fire” (back-up feature)

Writer: Martin Pasko (main story), Mike W. Barr (back-up feature)

Artist: Tom Yeates (main story), Dan Spiegle (back-up feature)

Editor: Len Wein

Colorist: Tatanja Wood (main story), Adrienne Roy (back-up feature)

Letterer: John Costanza

Release Date: June 1982

I’ve always had a strong and irrational aversion to movie-branded book covers. The only time I’ve ever actually shelled out cash for one of those monstrosities was when I needed a copy of I Am Legend for a class, and it was between paying fifteen dollars for a new copy or two bucks for Will Smith looking all dour and intense. Now, I want you to take a good long look at that cover, er… art? Really feel it. Let it seep into your soul. This is what movie-branded books look like in the Fifth Circle of Hell.

And yet… somehow I can’t find it in my jaded little heart to be mad at this. It’s almost adorable in how dated and inept it is, from the ridiculously stilted pose they chose to the blue-green gradient background. I wish I had a physical copy just for the novelty. Besides, as tacky as Dick Durock appears in what looks like the world’s most ill-conceived fetish gear, without a pre-Elm Street Wes Craven and his cinematic vision, there’s a good chance that the world of comic books would be a whole lot different.

Yeah, go on, yuk it up. When you’re done, I’ll explain.

So, how is it that a rubber-suited monster movie fundamentally changed the medium of comics? Well, without it, Saga wouldn’t exist. In one of the industry’s greatest bits of irony, what would come to be one of the most acclaimed comic series of all time was originally created to capitalize on the release of a souped up B-movie. Yes, Saga was originally nothing more than a cheap cash in on what could be considered another cheap cash in.

Ain’t comics grand?

Of course, the series quickly rose above that cash in status, and the second issue starts to prove it. While still a bit shaky and seemingly unsure of what direction it wants to go, its footing feels a bit firmer here. Yeates really starts to deliver the goods on the visual front, seeming to have a better feel for the world he’s portraying and imbuing it with more shadows and depth.

The story picks up right where the last issue ended, with Swampy protecting is his new friend Casey from a bunch of mobbed up townies. After escaping, a plane swoops out of nowhere, spraying Swampy with some sort of plant-tailored knock out gas. When he comes to, he finds that he and Casey are at the mercy of a man in a turtleneck, a purple blazer, and orange bell-bottoms, which explains why this is considered a horror comic. Oh, and he has robotic hands, but they distract from the orange bell-bottoms, which are obviously the most important part of his character. While Swampy is tied to a Frankenstein slab, Casey is watched over by the creepy scientist from the last issue, who speaks fifty percent in gratuitous cliches and fifty percent in gratuitous German. I think the implication is supposed to be that he’s an ex-Nazi, but his hairdo and yellow sunglasses make him seem more like an aged beatnik who got lost in a Salvation Army. The man with the robo-hands calls himself Grasp, and he wants the Bio-Restorative Formula. He’s a representative of the Sunderland Corporation, a military contractor who learned of Holland through the grapevine and wanted in on a piece of that Bio-Restorative pie. When Holland explains that he doesn’t have the recipe committed to memory, Grasp tries to cut him in half with a buzz saw, because his super cool lair is located in an old saw mill. Meanwhile, Casey escapes Dr. Salvo by using her psychic powers to attack him with a set of curtains. After using her head to free Swampy, the two flee into a cave, pursued by a Grasp and his handy dandy laser rifle. During the escape the mill catches on fire, and we see a hideous burned figure rising from the wreckage and swearing his revenge. Yes, it’s a tragedy that the creepy scientist suffered such pain, but the good news is that his terrible clothes are gone. Back in the cave, Grasp loses his footing, catching a stalactite as he falls—but alas, he loses his grasp when he accidentally lasers his robo-hand off (get it? GET IT???), and he plummets to his doom. We’re then treated to a brief aside of a teenager in a town called Rosewood, Illinois being murdered by a guy called “Stiv”, which is probably the predestined outcome for anyone named “Stiv”. The issue ends with our boggy hero and Casey riding the rails towards an uncertain future.

The Phantom Stranger back-up is a fun little diversion, about a firefighter being haunted by the spirit of his best friend who died during a fire. While he blames himself (and so does the vengeful ghost), the man really died because he was drunk on the job. The story has the cool gimmick of the ghost manifesting through fire, at one point even appearing in the flame of a cigarette lighter. These stories serve as a welcome foil to Swampy’s adventures at the front of the book, breaking up the overarching plot with enjoyable one shots. The one real flaw is that, since they’re back-up features and take up less space, they can end up feeling a little rushed.

Issue #2 is pure comic book schlock, delicious sci-fi horror camp. Grand literature it ain’t, but it wasn’t trying to be. The question of what exactly is the deal with Casey becomes more developed and intriguing, and this issue really draws you in compared to the last—that is, if you have the same appetite as me for B-grade pulp cheee.

[ask-drakos]

King Crustaceous

Aliases: King Crab, The Tuesday Special

Date Discovered: August 10th, 1955

Place of Origin: Unknown

Notable Stomping Grounds: Area 51

King Crustaceous: Height: 115 feet Head Crab; Mantis Shrimp: Claw Enforcement, Crab One Length: 70 feet

Legs Crab; Hermit Crab: Over Crabpacity, Crab Two Length: 85 feet, claws to shell tip

Right Arm Crab; King Crab: Overkrill, Crab Three Length: 60 feet, claws to shell tip

Left Arm Crab; Pistol Shrimp: High Shrimpact, Crab Four Length: 80 feet, claws to shell tip

Biology: Originally merely a collection of aquarium crustaceans, the amalgamate known as King Crustacean was conceived as an answer to Mecha-Tyrantis – unsatisfied by the ineffectiveness of robot mechs and also the unpredictability of a kaiju cyborg, a still-anonymous mad scientist from an unknown part of the United States set out to create a more integrated cyborg that didn’t rely on programming to be effective. After collecting a mantis shrimp, a hermit crab, a king crab, and a mantis shrimp, it was only some careful Yamaneon application before they had some low-intelligence bases for their superweapon.

         Through means currently unknown, the scientist acquired the details to creating a psychic interface between kaiju and humans otherwise only known to those at Area 51, and implanted them into the four crab kaiju. Matching implants were set into four helmets – helmets worn by psychically inclined youths recruited by the scientist and trained in the arts of mech-piloting. The helmets transmit the desired impulses to the crabs’ brains and muscles, allowing them to function as a coherent whole. When riding in the cockpits attached to each crab’s carapace, each of the pilots can also activate various other cybernetic enhancements, including the massive electromagnets that allow the crabs to assemble into their more formidable, humanoid form.

King Crustaceous’ powers include:

·         Super strength

·         An enhanced healing factor

·         Immunity to radiation

·         Nigh-supernatural reflexes and razor-sharp claws; Claw Enforcement

·         EMP Pulse; Over Crabpacity

·         Vibro-blade claws; Overkrill

·         Cavitation blast; High Shrimpact

·         Personality: Being mind-controlled crabs, King Crustacean themself doesn’t really have much of a personality. However, the psychic connection between them and their pilots has lead to a few quirks being picked up when functioning autonomously in their off-hours – Claw Enforcement will assert itself over the others, High Shrimpact will keep its distance, Overkrill is flighty, and Over Crabpacity is stubborn. Beyond this, though, they all behave as normal examples of their respective species, if you exclude their tolerance of one another.

Their pilots, though, have much more personality. Though their real names and faces are unknown, likely for their own safety as they work with a high profile criminal on a daily basis, they will occasionally make public appearances as their (presumed) pilot personas, in full uniform and all. Though they will readily work with the government and others who need assistance fending off kaiju – occasionally including other kaiju themselves – these young pilots are largely independent and will act according to their own agendas and moralities when they conflict with those of their allies. As such, they are monitored carefully, in a sort of uneasy truce with more official kaiju prevention agents. An unfortunate side effect of this is that many field agents will draw straws to be the one who listens in to King Crustacean’s radio frequencies, and thus to listen to the frequent crab-themed one liners delivered during combat. Some have even begun to refer to this job as ‘crab duty’.

The leader, the mantis shrimp Claw Enforcement’s pilot, makes the overall combat decisions for the team, directing the cyborg as a whole. When in close combat, Claw Enforcement also can use its raptorial claws as weapons, their lightning-quick reflexes and razor sharp edges easily slicing through all but the toughest of kaiju armor. When on its own, Claw Enforcement is only lightly armored, but by far the fastest and most nimble of the crabs, especially when in the water.

The legs and main defense of the mech, the hermit crab Over Crabpacity and its pilot, are determined but stubborn, always willing to see the mission through to the end. Over Crabpacity balances the entire cyborg on its massive claws, their strength and flexibility giving an excellent platform for the rest of the team to base itself on. Both when assembled and when separated, an Electro-Magnetic pulse can be released from the cockpit, jamming electronics outside the cyborg and briefly stunning opposing kaiju. When separated, Over Crabpacity is the slowest crab, but by far the strongest and most durable.

The left arms of the cyborg, the king crab Overkrill, is the close-range combatant, along with their pilot, and are the main weapon when kaiju are within grappling range. The long limbs and dexterous pincers are invaluable when dealing with foes, easily able to grapple and still deal some hits. With the flick of a switch, Overkrill’s two pincer arms can begin vibrating at high speeds, allowing their claws to pierce deep into the hide or shell of a kaiju, or even deflect certain blows dealt. When separated from the others, both Overkrill and its pilot can be indecisive and hesitant to enter the fray, though they can be formidable when they work at it.

The final member and right arms of the cyborg are High Shrimpact, the pistol shrimp and its pilot. The specialized right claw of High Shrimpact can snap shut at extreme speeds, unleashing a blast of highly pressurized air or water that can blast through nearly anything up to two hundred feet away. This is an incredible asset when dealing with more dangerous or flying kaiju, as it allows King Crustacean to keep out of range of most damage, while still dealing damage. Somewhat appropriately, its pilot can also be distant, following orders readily but rarely showing initiative unless driven by extreme circumstances. When on its own, High Shrimpact can easily defend itself and others, but suffers from a lack of creative thinking and can get easily overwhelmed.

@tyrantisterror