#if one more goddamn person says happy holidays Only Today. if one more person who knows i’m a jew wishes me a merry christmas

[fulane-de-tal]

need all the non christians and my ally combatants in the war on christmas to come bitch and moan about christian hegemony with me. this is horrible.

[luvdsc]

mark lee sucks at technology.

tap the heart if you have a big, fat, embarrassing crush on your best friend!

pairing :: lee mark x reader genre :: fluff / best friend + social influencer au word count :: 5,883 words warnings :: none playlist :: dumb stuff (lany) ⋆ feeling (coin) ⋆ so far so good (gabrielle aplin) ⋆ electric love (børns) ⋆ love by mistake (bad suns) author’s note :: i was debating if i should post it on his bday instead, but i decided to drop it earlier, so uh, happy (approx. one week early) bday to mister absolutely fully capable (except when it comes to tech stuff) !!!! thank you for blessing us with your god tier raps ♡ ↳ part of the not clickbait series.

In your required upper division business course aptly titled “Essential Marketing Strategies,” you had learned about a concept called personal brands. A personal brand is explained as the first impression a person wishes to perceive based on their own experiences, qualifications, and achievements. Your professor had told you and your classmates to pick three words to define your own brand. For instance, you chose to label yourself as charismatic, fun, and creative.

Your best friend’s brand would be awkward, endearing, and technologically challenged. 

Okay, so that is definitely more than three words, but who’s counting? You might as well tack on “Y/N’s big fat crush” at this rate because everyone and their mother knows that you carry a torch—or more accurately, a blazing wildfire that can easily be spotted from Pluto—for your best friend.

Well, to be more precise, you should probably say everyone, except Mark, knows. And that’s not for lack of trying either. You completely dropped the art of delicate subtlety months ago already. Maybe you should add “hopelessly oblivious” instead.

The rolling end credits to the sixth Harry Potter film are playing on the screen in front of you, signaling the nearing end of your magical movie marathon. You’re seated on the worn down couch in Mark and Donghyuck’s shared apartment, watching the former make his drink with the fancy, gently used Keurig newly settled on the scratched countertop. Johnny dropped it off a few days ago because he had splurged on a better coffee machine (“It even makes Instagram worthy whipped frappuccinos!”) and didn’t want his old, but still perfectly functioning caffeine provider going to waste.

“What’s wrong with this thing?” Mark slaps the side of the machine, and it starts to emit a low whirring noise. “Oh, that’s good, right? That sound is good, you think?”

His question is immediately answered by the sad squirt of hot water speckled with coffee grinds falling into his mug for a few seconds before the machine shuts off.

“What the hell?” he mutters angrily, carding his hand through his hair in frustration, and you finally decide to take pity on your best friend. Getting up from the comfy spot you know you sadly won’t be able to recreate perfectly again later, you stride over to where your best friend stands and flip open the top of the Keurig.

“Hyuck didn’t take out his used coffee pod,” you say, pulling out the incriminating evidence of your best friend’s roommate and disposing it in the trash can next to the refrigerator. “Where’s the espresso one you’re gonna use? Why didn’t you put that in?”

His jaw slackens, and he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze and mumbling, “I thought I’d just open it later and pour it into my hot water.”

“Mark,” you start, placing your hands on his shoulders firmly and staring into his eyes with a serious look on your face. “Please know that I’m saying this in the most loving way possible, but you are an absolute idiot.”

You release your grip on his shoulders and grab the espresso pod dangling from his fingertips before slotting it into the Keurig. You remove the mug he placed underneath the spout and wash out the accidental coffee water before placing it back in its original position and pressing the start button on the machine. With a sigh, you lean against the side of the counter, glancing at your friend who looks like a child being scolded for stealing from the cookie jar.

“If you pour the pod into your mug, are you just going to chug all the loose coffee grinds, too?”

“... I didn’t think that far ahead.” His lips start to unintentionally form a tiny pout, and your eyes (and your heart, too) soften.

You’re very relieved that Donghyuck is off filming with your friend because he definitely would be making fun of your heart eyes that frequently make an appearance around a certain Mark Lee. Which you always deny. Because you certainly do not have a gigantic crush on your technologically inept best friend.

You glance over at him again and have to physically fight yourself to resist the urge to kiss his cute pout away. Okay, so maybe you harbor a very respectable, medium sized crush. But it's no big deal. It’s completely under control. Unless you’re counting the fact that your best friend is still unaware, and you’re running out of ideas to try and see if he likes you back before you actually shoot your shot. Then it’s very much not under control because you’re losing sleep over it and you don’t know what to do to be any more obvious without stating the, well, obvious.

“Well, now you know. If you forget, you can FaceTime me and I’ll give you instructions on how it works.” You pat his shoulder reassuringly before pausing. “Wait, you do know how to FaceTime, right?”

“Yes!” he exclaims, sulking even more before confessing in a quieter, defeated tone, “Hyuck showed me last month.”

Mark grabs his finished drink and follows behind you, settling back onto the couch next to you. The streaming service already has Deathly Hallows Part 1 in the queue and ready to go, and your best friend is ready to click play until he notices your attention being focused on the smaller screen in your hands. He wonders if you’re about to post another one of your popular cooking videos on that app that shares a name with the most iconic song of the 2000s (hint: the name of the song’s singer is made up of four letters and a dollar sign).

“Are you uploading one of your videos?” he implores before taking a sip of his drink with a satisfied smile. Somehow, it always tastes better when you make it, and he can’t figure out why for the life of him. When he went to Johnny’s place, his older friend uses the exact same pod and water ratio for his espresso, and yet, it’s never as good as yours.

“Nah, I’m ordering my grocery delivery before I forget. Do you want anything?” You select the option to load your usual grocery items into your cart before debating on whether or not you should splurge on buying several packages of those seasonal Pillsbury sugar cookies that only come in stock during certain holidays. It seems like such an insult to the entire premise of your Tiktok account based on baking and cooking, but you’re an absolute sucker for those soft pastries.

“Yeah, can you get me a Shin Ramyun ten pack? Hyuck ate the last one two days ago and didn’t tell me.”

“You sure you don’t want ten boxes again?” You decide to get those Pillsbury sugary delights, happily adding three boxes to your cart. Everybody has a weakness, and yours just so happens to be a premade one way ticket to diabetes. You’re here for a good, delicious time, not a long time.

“No! That was an accident!” He objects, flailing his hands around, before falling back against the couch cushions in defeat. “But Hyuck does all the online grocery shopping now.”

“Thank god. You guys finally have quality toilet paper again.”

The past month of bathroom occurrences was plagued with scratchy tissue that felt more like goddamn sandpaper from the horrible depths of hell. To be honest, you probably would have rather used actual sandpaper, given the choice. You even made sure not to drink too much water any time you came over, but today, you decided to splurge on a venti passion fruit iced tea with sweetener from that very popular franchise sporting a mermaid logo and fiscally cosmic name. To your pleasant surprise, your trip to the toilet this time was wonderfully padded with Charmin Ultra Soft, not that absolutely awful off brand one with the gross texture of a dried pinecone from inferno.

“Hey, that toilet paper was a good steal! It was a three for one deal,” Mark protests, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Wow, I wonder why it was priced so low.” You deadpan, and Mark blanches, recalling all those restroom incidents that were rather rough. Literally.

“Anyway, do you think my viewers wanna see me make chocolate crinkle cookies or mochi doughnuts?” You bring up the two recipes you managed to perfect and add your own spin to on your phone, eyes scanning the ingredient lists.

“Both. And tell me when you’re making them, so I can come over and eat them.” He gives you a wide grin, and you let out a snort at that. His smile only grows as he says happily, “I love your job.”

“You only love it because you can freeload off of me,” you jest, but nevertheless begin to start to add all the ingredients for both recipes to your shopping cart. You always film cooking videos on Tuesdays, edit on Wednesdays, keep Thursdays free for last minute touch ups and emergencies, and post one every week on Fridays with other various random videos uploaded whenever in between. With that in mind, you schedule your upcoming grocery delivery for Monday.

“Hey, you need me. I’m the best taste tester.” He puffs up his chest proudly before hastily tacking on a more genuine reason. “And because I’d starve without you. I can’t live off of instant ramen and frozen chicken nuggets forever. Gordon Ramsay already confirmed my shitty cooking skills. I need you to survive.”

“Oh my god, when I uploaded those pics of your scrambled eggs on Twitter, I lost like a hundred followers in less than a minute.” You confirm the delivery and place your phone on the coffee table, picking up the opened bag of Cheeto puffs before settling back in your seat. “My cooking credibility was completely shot. I had to explain to my fans that I didn’t make those.”

“Yeah, but now everyone calls me Eggy Boi online!” he whines, and you laugh. You have to admit, it’s quite a funny play on the whole “edgy boi” terminology. You wonder if Mark will find it amusing if he discovers his roommate is the culprit behind his new online persona (He probably won’t, and you reckon Donghyuck enjoys living in a safe space where he doesn’t have to sleep with one eye open, so you stay quiet about it. You’ll use it as leverage some other time).

“Okay, Eggy Boi, come by on Tuesday because I’ll be baking in the afternoon,” you say casually, grabbing the remote control from your best friend and pressing play. 

You very narrowly avoid a green gummy bear to the face. It lands somewhere behind the couch, lost forever to the dust bunnies and other snacks that missed its target. You know for a fact that it’ll stay there until the boys decide to move to a new apartment. Mark grumbles at the miss, biting off the head of a red cherry flavored gummy bear perhaps a little harder than necessary.

“I hate you. But I’m still coming over next week because I want a doughnut.”

“No cookie?”

“... and a cookie. Maybe two.”

Wednesday comes faster than you expected, and you’re currently holed up in your apartment’s second bedroom—which you had transformed into a snazzy office space—completing the edits to your second video on mochi doughnuts. You already finished polishing the one about the cookies earlier, thank goodness. If you had to stare at your computer screen for another three hours, you would rather eat those pastries Mark tried to make two months ago, but had mistaken salt for sugar. Adding a cup of salt to any baked good is an extremely effective way to make anyone who tasted your best friend’s brownies experience a trip to the beach. Because they essentially just swallowed a mouthful of sand and ocean water. Because it’s salty as heck. Just like Mark was when you told him.

Speaking of your best friend, he’s currently puttering around in your kitchen doing god knows what. He knows better than to try another recipe and possibly blow up your number one moneymaker—your prized oven—in the process. Your heart nearly drops when your ears pick up the faint chopping sounds of a knife against your wooden cutting board. Is he going to try to temper chocolate again? He nearly burned through your entire stock of dark, milk, and white chocolate last time.

After much contemplation and deciding that you deserve a good procrastination break and a fully intact kitchen, you’re about to go out and see what he’s up to when Mark timidly appears in your doorway, clutching onto a white bowl of watermelon cubes with a fork tucked neatly in it. He shuffles in, dropping the snack on your desk before turning to walk out without a word, not wanting to disturb your work mode. 

Your heart warms up at the sight, and you speak up, a small smile slipping into your face. “What’s this for?”

“Knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.” He pauses in the doorway and adds on sheepishly, “And I can't cook anything, so this is what you get.”

Your heart swells tenfold, and your smile widens even more as you spear a piece of fruit with the fork and quickly pop it into your mouth. “Thanks, Marky.”

His cheeks flush with a pretty shade of carmine, and he fails to suppress the little giddy smile that appears on his face at your nickname for him. He walks out of your office, reddened cheeks still rising up higher than ever. “Y-Yeah, of course. No problem.”

By the time you finish adding the final few touches to your edited video, the bowl of watermelon has been picked clean. You save your video and transfer both of your completed projects to your phone, making a mental note to schedule their uploads and add them to your account’s posting queue later. Shoving your phone in the pocket of your sweats after ensuring the successful transfer of your videos, you pick up the empty dish and walk out towards the kitchen, the silver fork clinking against the side of the bowl with every step.

As you wash the dish and utensil, Mark wanders over from his spot on the couch, leaning forward and casually placing his chin on your shoulder. Almost instantaneously, you feel the heat rising to your cheeks as you briefly fantasize about your best friend wrapping his arms around your waist and how domestic and sweet the two of you would look, like one of those cheesy couples the two of you always made fun of.

“What’s up?” you ask, making a conscious effort to hold your voice steady and not waver over the fact that Mark is basically draped over you. After you place the dish on the drying rack, you turn around to face your best friend, sorely miscalculating the distance as mere inches separate your face from his now.

“I—” Puberty decides to make an ugly appearance in the form of an ill timed voice crack, and he internally curses as he takes a step back, willing the incoming blush to go away. Letting out a small cough, he tries again, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“I, um, Jisung sent me some kind of dance video. He said it’s a challenge? I kinda don’t know what to do with it? Like do I make a new dance, record myself, and send it back? Actually, isn't it easier to just do a dance battle face to face?”

“Can I see the video?” You already have a good idea on what the video will be, but you want to confirm it. Mark fumbles with his phone, pulling up the video in his text messages. He angles the phone towards you for you to see, and you grab his hand, bringing the device a little closer to you for a better look and clicking play.

“Oh, it’s a Tiktok challenge! He’s doing the Say So dance!” you exclaim, recognizing the song almost immediately as your eyes follow the fluid dance moves, completely enthralled. “So a challenge isn’t going up against someone, like a battle. It’s just some kind of trend or concept that you try to copy yourself. You’re supposed to learn the same dance and record yourself for this one. I can show you some other challenges and help you practice and record this one tomorrow if you wanna drop by after work!”

“O-Oh, okay, sounds good.” Mark stumbles over his words, attempting to focus on what you’re saying and the dance Jisung is doing, but all he can think about is the way your body is pressed against his side, hand comfortably wrapped around his. He freezes up as the tips of his ears grow redder and redder with every passing second, and his face sports a similar color. He silently prays for the telltale crimson to go away by the time the dance is over.

When the video ends, you once again realize the close proximity between you and your best friend. Your face burns at this revelation, and you awkwardly take a step back. Clearing your throat, you hastily release Mark’s hand (He inaudibly lets out the breath he’s been holding in this entire time, yet he also already misses the way your hand felt grasping his).

“Uh, anyway, I’m gonna make a latte. Do you want a drink, too?” You walk towards the other side of your kitchen with Mark trailing behind you. You take out a floral, peachy colored mug from your cupboards before pausing and looking at your best friend. “Wait, do you remember how to use a Keurig?”

“Yes!” He says, slightly exasperated as he picks out his own cup from your cabinet. He always uses the same one—a cerulean blue mug with squiggles all over it—and all of your friends and guests know not to use it because it’s unofficially officially Mark’s mug (And perhaps, you did indeed buy it from that overpriced kitschy tableware shop down the street two years ago with your best friend in mind).

“Really?” You select the latte option and press start after you had already positioned the mug beneath the spout and inserted a green tea matcha pod. He finally relents, shoulders sagging and a defeated expression on his face.

“... No.”

You chuckle, taking the mug from him and carefully putting it on the counter. You grab the espresso pod you know he likes from the drawer below and place it next to the cup. “It’s okay, I’ll teach you again.”

Mark tries. He really does. He tries very hard to concentrate on memorizing the simple process, but he keeps getting distracted. His eyes are focused on the correct button to push before they start to trail up to your fingertips. And then, they go from your hand to your arm, then up to the elegant curve of your neck, and finally, to the way your lashes frame your pretty eyes and how the tip of your tongue sticks out slightly as you concentrate until all he can focus on is you, you, you.

Suddenly, in what feels like a blink of an eye, you’re done and handing him his finished drink, complete with a perfectly whipped milk foam on top. You ask him if he knows how to make it now, and all he can do is lie and nod with a barely convincing smile.

After all, how can Mark tell his best friend that the reason he never remembers is because you’re the biggest distraction?

Mark should be here in five minutes, according to his most recent text message. And in the text message below that, your friend had sent you a challenge. More specifically, it’s the one she completed with Donghyuck a few weeks ago. When you said you wanted bold suggestions on how to figure out if your best friend feels the same way about you as you do about him, you didn’t want one this bold. 

Yet, the video link to your friend’s “today I kissed my best friend” challenge along with a winky face from her is staring mockingly at you. While you aren’t one to back down from a challenge, the mere thought of kissing your best friend causes vast colonies of butterflies to erupt in your stomach and your ears to feel as if they have caught on fire. You’re already tongue tied with your head in the clouds, and he isn’t even here yet. How utterly fantastic.

However, your mother definitely did not raise a quitter, so you spring into action when you hear the faint jingling of a key being inserted into your apartment’s door (You had given Mark a copy of your key almost immediately after you had moved in). You move the pretty indoor fern given to you by Jaemin as a housewarming gift last year closer to the edge of your towering bookcase, leaning your phone against it. You quickly position the device to capture a good view of the couch area in your living room and press the record button, arranging a few of the leaves to hide as much of your phone as you possibly can without obstructing the lens.

You run full speed to your bedroom, letting out a sigh of relief when you’re safely inside and hear Mark finally unlocking the door successfully and shuffling in. When he calls out to you, you try to even out your breathing, walking out of your room with your tripod and laptop in hand.

“Hey,” you greet him in the most casual tone you can muster. You place the tripod down and sit before opening your laptop and setting it on the coffee table. “I thought we could watch a few challenges for fun before trying the Say So one. Have you watched Jisung’s videos before?”

“Um, well, no, not really,” he confesses sheepishly, taking a seat next to you on the couch, leg pressing against yours. He squints at the YouTube video you pulled up earlier before he had arrived, reading the title before clicking the space button to start it. “Savage Tiktok dance compilation part two?”

“Wait, hold up.” You pause the video and then turn to face him with an incredulous expression on your face. “You’ve never watched any of Jisung’s dance Tiktoks?”

“No��� I don’t even have an account.” His cheeks are dusted with the lightest shade of pink as he quietly admits, “I watch all of yours though.”

Your eyes widen at his confession, face heating up as you stammer out, “O-Oh, well, I can help you make an account later to upload your video.”

“Sounds good.” There’s a few seconds of silence as you mull over his previous words before he speaks up again awkwardly, “Should I, uh, play the video?”

“Oh! Yes, right! Of course, hit play,” you laugh nervously, twisting and playing with the hair tie around your wrist. He starts the video again, and the two of you watch the compilation, slowly relaxing once more as you tap your fingers to the rhythm of the song and he bobs his head to the beat.

“Do I have to change outfits like that?” he questions a few minutes later, eyes growing round as he sees the girl on the screen switch between four different outfits throughout the dance. His closet basically consists of the same five black shirts that he stole from Jaehyun. Even if he did do an outfit swap, there would literally be no difference at all.

“You don’t have to,” you assure him, clicking the enter key to play the next video that’s recommended: another Tiktok dance challenge compilation. “All you have to do is copy the dance.”

Mark nods, taking a glance at the laptop screen before his hand shoots out and he pauses the video, leaning forward to take a closer look at the little recommended video title banner at the top. “Wait! What’s that one?”

He clicks on it, the new video now loading up. The two of you wait patiently for it to begin, waiting for the spinning disc to stop. But it doesn’t. In fact, the whole chrome page goes blank and then, the little pixelated Google Chrome dinosaur pops up on your monitor, announcing that you have no internet connection. Furrowing your eyebrows, you try to reload the page before trying to re-establish your laptop connection to your wifi. Unfortunately, you cannot find your appropriately named “drop it like it’s hotspot” wifi anywhere to connect to.

And that’s when it hits you. Your landlord had sent out a notice to the entire apartment complex last week about the electricity being powered down today from 4 to 6 p.m. for a maintenance check, and a quick glance at the digital clock on your laptop shows that it’s a little past four.

You groan, closing your laptop and flopping back against the couch cushions dramatically. Mark cocks his head, slightly confused, before he pokes you in the arm. “What’s wrong?”

“I completely forgot about the scheduled electricity shutdown for the entire building. We won’t have any wifi for the next two hours.” You pout, your bottom lip jutting out in the slightest, and Mark doesn’t think it’s fair that you get to be this cute and have this much of an effect on his racing heart rate.

“That’s okay, we can… play some board games?” he suggests offhandedly, pushing away the embarrassing thought and nudging your leg with his, and you smile before a sudden idea occurs to you. 

“Or we can still do some Tiktok challenges! What was the challenge you clicked on?” You quickly sit upright, turning to face your best friend, eyes sparkling in excitement. “I memorized a few of the dance ones already! Was it Renegade? I can teach you that one. Jisung showed me how to do it.”

“Um,” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. His eyes dart everywhere, except you, as he lets out a feigned cough. “It wasn’t a dance one. It was about, uh, going up to your boyfriend… and um, hugging him... when he’s playing video games.”

“Oh.” You answer lamely, not knowing what to say. You unsuccessfully try to push away the image of you attempting that challenge with your best friend. “Those are really cute.”

“Really?” He says doubtfully, wrinkling his eyebrows and fiddling with the frayed sleeve of his sweater. “Wouldn’t the dude get mad?”

You don’t know what suddenly possessed you to do this (you’ll have to ask Renjun and his paranormal loving ass later), but you thank whatever demon did for that split second because you find yourself gently grabbing Mark’s arm and slipping your head underneath it. You swing one leg over his lap and settle down until you’re securely sitting in his lap, bent legs on either side of his hips, hands curled around the soft fabric of his sweater on both sides and resting on top of your thighs. His arms instinctively go around your waist, wrapping around you securely.

You tilt your head to the side slightly, studying the flustered boy in front of you with a teasing, albeit a little anxious, smile on your lips. “Are you feeling mad?”

Splotches of red litter his cheeks and decorate the tips of his ears, but your best friend furiously shakes his head at your question, bashfully ducking his head afterwards and muttering a soft “No.”

You swallow hard, heart pounding erratically in your chest as you timidly ask, “Would you be mad if I do this?”

Mark looks up at that, confusion written all over his face. His arms start to loosen around your figure, hands now resting on your waist. “If you do what?”

You take a deep breath. “This.”

You lean in and gently press your lips against his. Mark freezes in shock, and you quickly retreat soon after, gnawing at the inside of your cheek as you wait anxiously for his reaction. Your heart feels like it’s about to fall out of your chest and be buried six feet under.

A tiny noise of surprise belatedly escapes from him and crimson spreads across his cheeks like wildfire. His doe eyes are wide and sparkling, staring at you in bewilderment. Your best friend lets out a small laugh of disbelief before a full blown smile breaks out across his face. He gazes at you adoringly, breathing out softly, “I’m not mad at that.”

You perk up at that, draping your arms around his neck as you lean forward, beaming. “Really? You’re not?”

“Definitely not.”

This time, Mark meets you halfway, his lips slotting against yours perfectly and making you feel tingles up and down your spine. Your eyes are closed, and you are so hyper aware of the way his hands grip your hips, how he tugs you closer, and how his lips chase after yours. The number of butterflies from earlier multiply in your stomach, and you have ascended past cloud nine by now.

When the two of you break apart, your eyes flutter open, and you nudge your nose against his affectionately. The brightest grin blooms on his face once again, and he buries his face in the crook of your neck, muffling his little giggles and hiding the awfully vibrant cerise that rapidly blossoms on his face.

“Is this a good time to tell you congrats for completing your first challenge?” you say, resting your cheek against the crown of his head. You pull away when he lifts his head up, surprised.

“I wasn’t playing video games though,” he says slowly, processing your words and thinking back to the challenge that started this all.

“It was a different challenge. It’s the one that Hyuck did a few weeks ago,” you confess, and realization dawns on him, his face lighting up for a split second before a look of horror takes over.

“Oh, no. Is that why you had your phone recording on the bookshelf?” Mark asks, dread beginning to cloud his mind.

“Yes…” you say slowly, a little perplexed. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Oh my god, I ruined your video,” he moans, dropping his forehead onto your shoulder. “I saw your phone when I walked in and thought you were filming earlier and forgot to turn it off, so I turned it off for you.”

When the words finally register in your mind, you can’t stop the laughter from bubbling out of your throat, and he raises his head up to look at you with wide doe eyes at the pretty sound. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

You can’t stop laughing at the situation, and he looks at you worriedly, gnawing on his bottom lip slightly. You force yourself to calm down, a soft chuckle leaving your lips before you beam at him, leaning in and placing the softest kiss on the tip of his nose. “It’s okay, Mark. I’m not mad. That video wasn’t important anyway.”

“But still,” he whines before letting out a groan and slapping his hand against his forehead when the realization sinks in even further. “I’m such an idiot.”

“But you’re my idiot now, right?” you say teasingly, albeit a little shyly as well, as you reach over to tug his hand away from his face and lace your fingers with his.

“I mean, I kinda thought I was always your idiot,” Mark laughs softly and a little embarrassedly, eyes averted and cheeks turning pinker than ever. The largest grin spreads across your face at that, and you turn away slightly to hide it. You didn’t think your best friend can possibly be any more endearing, but he manages to prove you wrong every time.

“Well, then now you can add ‘Y/N’s boyfriend’ to your resume,” you say, and he fails to suppress the pleased smile appearing on his face at your remark, his rosy cheeks rising even taller than skyscrapers.

“So, uh, what sort of job description does that have?” He gazes at your intertwined hands in wonder, still completely giddy at the reality of you being his best friend and something more.

“Sharing hoodies, giving me attention, kissing, holding my hand, going on dates, you know, the basics,” you answer, squeezing his hand tenderly, and his doe eyes instantly light up. Mark feels a little bolder than before, and it shows when he grins widely and says:

“Can we do number three again?”

“Yes, we can, Eggy Boi.”

He wrinkles his nose at the name, disgruntled and unimpressed, as he crosses his arms over his chest, sulking. You let out a laugh before leaning in and crashing your lips against his. He immediately relents at that, enthusiastically responding and hugging you closer to him, and you can’t help but smile into the kiss as you feel his own smile appear as well.

At that moment, you decide that you want to change Mark’s personal brand. Because his should be “absolutely wonderful, positively amazing, a cute kisser, your boyfriend, and your bestest friend.” And yes, that is most definitely more than the allotted three words, but again, who’s really counting?

Certainly not you when you’re too preoccupied with kissing your best friend. Correction: best friend and new boyfriend.

One new notification: donutkillmyvibe uploaded a new video!

moominjun commented:

so you’re saying the reason why we didn’t get the highly anticipated best friend challenge video is because @ marklyrawr turned the camera off?

donutkillmyvibe replied: yes 😔 I’m sorry to disappoint everyone 🤧

nanaislove replied: omg no bby it’s ok 🥺🥺💞💓💓💝💗 you didn’t have to make an apology video for that 🥺💗💓💘💖

goofys.chuckle replied: yeah it’s mark’s fault. he’s the disappointment here 🥴

morklyrawr replied: hahahahaha stfu hyuck

tytrack commented:

mark is going through puberty. I apologize

dobunny replied: @.@

goofys.chuckle commented:

are we getting whip(ped)lash pt 2 by eggy boi?

morklyrawr replied: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THAT NAME?????

goofys.chuckle replied: uh gotta blast 🚀

showmethemonet replied: @ goofys.chuckle does this mean you’re staying over again?

goofys.chuckle replied: @ showmethemonet yes if you want your super cute, mega talented, very handsome boyfriend to still be alive 🥺

showmethemonet replied: @ goofys.chuckle oh my god I didn’t know I was dating bts jin???

moominjun replied: LMFAOOOOO

goofys.chuckle replied: heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♂️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 i think it’s best 👍🏻 I put my heart ❤️ on ice 🧊

jenojam commented:

why am I not surprised……

itsmebetch replied: just mark thingz 🍉

suhprisemf commented:

mark your head looks flat af

jungjaeprince replied: 😂😂😂

10vely replied: @ jungjaeprince be quiet don’t cry

letswonwon commented:

whoop whoop

junguwu commented:

OMG CONGRATS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP SWEETIE 😍😍

takoyaki_prince commented:

MARK!!!!! you look handsome !! 😘

jisungpwark commented:

rip to @ donutkillmyvibe ’s future videos that mark will ruin. press f in the chat to pay respects 🙏🏻

bigheadking replied: F ✊🏻😔

peachyangel replied: f 🥺🥺

yoitslucas replied: F 🤪🤪🤪 but glad you’re happy, man ❤️

donutkillmyvibe replied: F 💔

morklyrawr replied: @ donutkillmyvibe wtf babe????

officialgordonramsay commented:

didn’t i tell you to get back on tinder ?

apado_god commented:

nice 😎👍🏻

[felix21im]

"Ice Cold", a Leon Kennedy x reader fanfiction

As an Art and Design student all you want to do is just knuckle down and finish that one goddamn piece you've been working on for months. Too bad your time is constantly stolen by your Waiter job with minimal pay, but hey, at least the tips are good if you unbutton your shirt that one more time.

Masterlist

Chapter 6: The Bar

“You have to be kidding me right now!” You couldn't believe what you were hearing. “It was the first time I haven’t shown up to work, I always did my job exactly how you wanted me to and this is your thanks? I told you what happened and you don't even care at all! I was literally unconscious and in shock after what occurred that day.” You exclaimed and shook your head, not believing what you were hearing.

“I'm truly sorry, but you know how we handle things here. I'm sure a young and outgoing person like you will find a new job without any problems. We will send you the money for the last days you were working. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got a restaurant to take care of.” Your boss, well ex-boss, went through the door and left you standing in his office in disbelief. You picked up all your personal items before then heading to the front door. You looked around once more, thinking about all the years you were working here. You said one last goodbye to your coworkers before heading out the door, leaving this part of your life behind.

You went to your own car - finally having a driver's license after Leon made sure you got your private lessons - ready to drive home. But as you were sitting down you realized that that wasn't what you really wanted. The best thing to do now was to see Leon, so that's exactly where you were going.

You pulled into Leon’s driveway and parked in front of the front door. “I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” Angel greeted you as you stepped out of the car.

“Neither did I.” You answered and walked to the door, letting yourself in. You found Leon in the kitchen and he was leaning over a bottle of whiskey. “Leon?” You raised an eyebrow, thinking it was kind of early to drink but didn't say anything to him.

You must have scared him as he shot up to look at you. He looked rough, his hair was a mess and his grey clothes were stained. “Buttercup!” He smiled as he walked over to you. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, I thought you were at work.” He planted a kiss on your forehead and rubbed your arms.

“I got fired.” You simply blurted out, rather than trying to avoid it. “Since I didn’t go to work that one day last week my boss seriously wasn’t happy.” You lightly waved Leon off of you and sat down at the kitchen counter. “I’ve never missed a day for like three years but one day! One day! Is enough to get me fired.” You placed your head in your hands and groaned.

“Well fuck that guy.” He pulled a cereal box out of a cupboard under the kitchen island and placed it into a bowl.

“Fuck that guy…” You replied. “Now I need to waste the next week of my life trying to find a new job.

Leon finally put some milk into the bowl too. “You’re a college student, you don’t need a full time job.” He placed the bowl in front of you as you looked up at him. “Eat up, Buttercup.”

You looked down at the cereal and you pushed it around with your spoon. “I’m not really hungry, Leon.” You pushed the bowl back towards him and you brushed your hair with your hand. “It’s not that I need a job, I just like having one, it keeps me busy and the extra money never hurts.”

“But wasn’t the pay terrible?” He raised his eyebrow as he began to eat your food. “And super sexual? Your co-worker Mimi told me about how you would unbutton your shirt and wear super tight pants so that the customers would tip you more…”

“True.” You admitted. “So I’ll look for something different. Maybe I can be a personal assistant like Angel and Daisy.”

“They’re more than just assistants y’know.” Leon continued to eat. “Those two have joined me on a job, saved my life once or twice.”

“It’s four in the afternoon, why are you eating cereal?” You eventually asked.

“We don’t have any food, Angel wasn’t able to go shopping this morning.” He said as he placed his empty bowl in the sink. “How about an office job?”

“That’s a bit boring, dontcha think?”

“Umm. How about that internship you were going for?”

“I still have three months left of college, once I'm done with that and I have the grades for it, I can apply.” You admitted as you got off the bar stool, not having eaten any of the food Leon gave you. Leon watched you while you were filling your glass with water and some ice to cool down. You drank it and watched Leon do the same, just with his glass of whiskey. “Isn't it a little too early to drink?” The words left your mouth before you were even thinking about it. Now it was Leon's turn to raise an eyebrow at your comment.

“Are you my mom or what now? I think I know when or when I cannot have a drink.” He snapped at you, which really surprised you.

"Obviously I am not. But that's not really responsible of you, is it? I just don't get it, why you're drinking at this time and so often in general the past weeks." You thought about what you were saying, realizing his drinking behavior dates back to the first time you even met. "I get that your job isn't easy and stuff but day drinking? Really? Seems kind of low to me, Leon."

Leon let out a laugh and shook his head. "If all you want to do now is complain you can leave. That's not what I wanted you here for."

You looked at him again with big eyes. "So you don't wanna talk? I don't know what it is that’s between us, but it can't always be good and fun. I'm literally just worried about your health!"

"Worried? I think I know what's good for me much better than you do, I'm not the child here." He spat at you as he drank from his glass.

"So if you’re not ‘the child’ does that mean that I am?” You looked at him speechless. “That's how you see me? I understand that I'm a lot younger than you but I'm not a child! And just because I'm trying to talk about something serious? What is going on with you Leon?" He didn't even look at you. Instead he poured himself another drink and took a sip. You shook your head and let out a scoff. You then grabbed your jacket and went to the door. Before leaving you looked back to Leon, hoping he would apologize or stop you from leaving, instead you got nothing. You slammed the door behind you shut and you heard something break. “A fucking mansion and his front door cant even handle a slam..” You muttered to yourself as you went over to your car. Angrily you left his driveway and drove in the direction of home.

Your roommate was home for the holidays, leaving you in your apartment alone. Rather than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself you tried to get some work done.

Looking for jobs was much harder than you remember. “Host. Nope. Grocery store worker. Eh, I guess that could work. Stripper?! Hm, if I'm desperate enough, maybe…” You spent hours looking and applying to jobs, most of them being just over minimum wage but any money is better than none.

Eventually you gave up and just began to watch TV on your laptop, endlessly flicking through the channels available to you. Since none of it looked interesting you put on something random and picked up your sketchbook. As the noise played in the background and your pencil ran across the paper your eyelids became heavier and heavier, those combined with the fact that it was now eleven at night.

The sound of your phone vibrating on your wooden desk ripped you from your sleep. At first you ignored it, being far too tired to want to actually open your eyes. It started to vibrate again. You rubbed your eyes, trying to see clearly in the dark and waking yourself up. You looked at your phone confused, wondering who wanted you so late at night. You unlocked it and looked at the time first. “Almost two in the morning... damn”, you muttered to yourself. After that you checked your notification and let out a sigh. Multiple messages from Leon just in the past few hours you were asleep. You didn't even bother looking at them, knowing that he was drunk. Most of the messages didn't even make sense and there was no way to read or understand them. Before locking the phone again, an unknown number called you. Unsure about who it could be, you waited for the call to end. But soon after the same number called again. You let out a sigh, answering the call. "Hello? Can I help you?" You asked tiredly. You didn't recognize the voice talking to you, but you could hear Leon mumbling in the background. The person told you something about Leon being totally wasted and that he requested for you to come and pick him up. Unsure about what to do, especially after the argument you had earlier, you still agreed to picking him up. You ended the call and put your phone away. Putting your head in your hands, you let out another sigh and shook your head. You quickly went to your kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, needing caffeine otherwise you would fall asleep before you even got to Leon.

As you grabbed your jacket, phone and coffee you looked at your car keys and shoved them into your pocket. You knew you couldn’t take your car as you didn’t want to leave it at the bar considering it was twenty miles from home. “Why couldn’t he have gone to a local bar?”

You waited outside in the rain for a taxi to come and pick you up. You’d be sure to charge this cost on Leon’s credit card.

Faint music was in the background as you walked through the door to ‘Billy’s Bar’ and it only took you a second to find Leon. “Buttercup!” He waved and blew a kiss at you the second he spotted you.

“Hey Leon.” You somewhat smiled as you sat down next to him at the bar. “What mess have you gotten yourself into?” You muttered as you waved over the bartender, them giving you the bill. “How can you rack up eighty dollars in one night?”

You searched Leon’s pockets for his wallet but came up empty. “Woah there Buttercup, let’s go home first before you start to pull my pants off.” You simply rolled your eyes at his drunk comment.

You groaned as you gave up the search for his wallet and eventually you just placed your own stack of cash on the bar, giving a little extra for the bartender as a tip. “Come on.” You got off the stool. “Let’s get you home.” Leon got off his stool and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “Jesus Leon, don’t do that…” You wiped the kiss off of you and shook your head as the two of you left the bar and into the pouring rain. “Keys?” You held out your hand and he placed his keys in your palm. The keys to one of his fancy cars that you don't even know the name of but you were pretty sure that it was an Audi of some sort. It had four doors and four wheels, good enough.

“I can drive Butterc- cup.” He hiccuped as he talked, proving just how much he shouldn’t drive.

“I’ll be fine…” You clicked the keys and the lights on the car flashed. You took Leon to the passenger side of the car and forced him off of you as you opened the door for him. He leant on the roof to help himself into his seat and you then closed the door behind him. “Alright, it’s just like my car… just a lot quicker and a lot more expensive…” You mumbled to yourself as you hopped in the driver’s seat and started the engine. The loud roar was enough to make you almost pee yourself due to your nerves.

You gripped your hands on the steering wheel and put the car into drive. The car immediately shot forward and you instantly slammed on the breaks, causing Leon to bash his face on the dashboard. “Oh fuck!” You put the car into park and looked at Leon’s nose. “I’m so sorry.” You carefully brushed your hand on his nose and luckily it didn’t feel as if it was broken.

“I’m fine…” Leon’s eyes rolled back in his head and he leant back in his seat. You simply huffed at him and leant over him, grabbing his seatbelt. As you went back to your seat you sighed at him as you looked at him sleeping.

You buckled your own seatbelt and started the car again, now more carefully. You checked all the buttons and hoped for the best as you left the parking spot slowly. Before you stepped on the gas once more to drive onto the street you looked over to Leon, who was now half asleep. Just sometimes he looked up again or out the window without saying anything. Which was probably better because he wouldn't say anything useful anyway in his state. You drove on the main street and gripped the wheel, concentrating on the dark and rainy road before you. You tried putting on some music but soon shut it off again because it just irritated you. So you just drove around silently trying to find a way to Leon's house. Every now and then Leon muttered something, more to himself than to you. You shook your head blaming yourself for his behavior. Letting out a sigh you concentrated on the road again and silently went on.

You drove for around five minutes before Leon began to get bored. “Buttercup?”

“Hey Leon…” You replied to him, keeping your eyes on the road because you didn’t want to swerve into a ditch.

“You’re the best.” You could see him smile at you in the corner of your eye. He held out his hand and you simply ignored it. “Please?” He wiggled his fingers, wanting you to hold his hand. You scoffed as you dropped your right hand from the wheel, placing your hand in his. “I love you, Buttercup.” He smiled at you again but you simply ignored it.

“You’re drunk, Leon.” You took your hand back from him, in annoyance.

You wanted him to say that he loved you, but not like this, not in a drunk slur. “I’m serious.”

"Yea, sure you are." You rolled your eyes and looked straight to the street, not giving him anymore attention.

"You're so mean, Buttercup." He began whining like a little child which made you laugh sarcastically.

"You’re behaving like a child now, Leon. I told you earlier today that it doesn't have anything to do with ages." You shook your head, thinking about the argument from earlier.

"I'm sorryyy..for snapping at you like that earlier.. do you forgive me? Pleaseeee Buttercup.." You raised your eyebrow at his apology, not thinking much of it.

"I can't forgive you when all you do is lie when you’re drunk. Say sorry again when you're sober and we'll see." You felt him moving in his seat, now directly facing you. You gave him a short look and tried pushing him back into his seat. "Leon, please sit down correctly. I can't concentrate like this."

He had a smug smile on his face now. "Am I all you can concentrate on now?" Leon came closer to you and you backed up, now shoving him away with your right hand. The road in front of you was still slippery and dark and you couldn't drive like this. In a short motion you stepped on the brakes and stopped at the side of the street. Now facing Leon as well you tried pushing him back into his own seat, hoping he would leave you alone now. He still resisted and even though he was totally drunk he still was stronger than you. He grabbed your wrists and came closer to you, almost sitting on your lap now. You were able to keep some distance with your legs but it wasn't an easy task. "Buttercuuup.." He began again as he started playing with your fingers. "I'm serious.. I loveee you, since the first time I met you." You looked at him, searching his face. People always say that drunk people speak the truth but a part in you didn't want to believe it. Not because you didn't have feelings for Leon, but this whole situation seemed wrong to you. You realized it wouldn't get you far when arguing in this state so you just let him talk, not giving it much thought. Leon continued talking but he soon noticed you didn't even listen anymore. As soon as he came closer to you again you snapped back to reality.

You unfastened your seatbelt and got out of the car. You walked through the rain to Leon's side of the car and also opened his door. He looked at you confused but didn't say anything. You loosened his seatbelt and almost threw him out of his seat and out the car. He just about caught his balance, looking at you perplexed. You tried finding the right words but didn't even know what you were doing here. Leon leaned on the side of the car, already totally soaking wet. "Leon, I don't know what's going on with you but I can't continue driving when you keep on annoying me like that! So please just shut up or we're gonna stay out here until you're sober again, I don't care!" You shouted towards him, hoping he would even hear you through the loud and heavy rain. You came closer to him again, waiting for an answer. It seemed like hours passed, but Leon didn't say a thing. You groaned and opened the back door. You grabbed Leon's arm and pushed him inside. Overwhelmed by the sudden force, he fell into the backseat taking you with him. So now you lay on top of Leon, both of you totally wet. You felt Leon's warm breath and also the smell of alcohol. You suddenly felt hot and everything around you seemed to stop, all you saw was Leon. He looked you deep in the eyes and you into his. Without even thinking about it, you felt Leon's big hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face. And the next thing you felt were his lips on yours. For a split second you leaned into the kiss, before realizing what was happening. In an instant you shot up and pushed yourself away from Leon. He looked at you, confused and heartbroken. "Leon. Let's just get you home now." You helped him put on a seatbelt without speaking another word and then went back to the driver's seat. The rest of the drive home neither of you spoke a word but every now and then you felt Leon staring at you from the back.

Finally you arrived at his home. Even though it was raining you could still make out the driveway and main door. You didn't bother parking the car in his garage, so you stopped in front of the door. You took the keys and before leaving the car you looked back at Leon. He wasn't asleep. He looked out the window, like most of the time during the ride. It reminded you of a child that wanted to stop at the local McDonald's but his parents didn't want to. You shook your head and tried hiding your smile. After that you left the car and also helped Leon out. Both of you didn't say a word as you walked to the door. Leon's arm was around your back for balance but you didn't mind it. It was better than letting him walk alone and him ending up injuring himself. You opened the front door, which was unlocked to your surprise. Apparently no one in this house thinks it could be possible that a thief would come here to say hello. You took off your own jacket which was totally drenched and hung it up. You then did the same for Leon, without any words exchanging either.

"I should probably get you something dry to wear. You're gonna get sick otherwise." You said more to yourself than to Leon but he still heard you and agreed.

"Let's.. just go upstairs and change there. It doesn't matter if the house gets dirty." Leon already started walking towards the stairs but you soon followed after noticing how he couldn't even walk straight. You then helped him upstairs and you went into the bathroom.

"I'll get you something to sleep in, just.. sit here and don't move. Can you do that for me?" He nodded silently and you left the room. You went into his bedroom and got some pajamas for him and also something for you to wear. As you entered the bathroom you found Leon sitting in the bathtub, naked. Even though you've seen him half naked before this wasn't what you wanted to see. Covering your eyes you threw his pajamas over. Obviously he didn't catch them so now they were lying next to him. "Jesus, Leon. What are you doing? I asked one thing of you and-"

"Sorry, Buttercup.. I just didn't want to freeze." He put his legs closer to him and rested his head on top of them. You shook your head and even though you didn't want to, you had to agree with him. You were also cold and wearing wet clothes didn't help. You sighed and looked at him. "Are you gonna shower by yourself or do you need help?" You felt like his caretaker right now but you also couldn't leave him hanging now. He looked at you with big eyes, which basically begged for you to help him. You sighed once again before walking over to him. You started the shower making sure it was warm enough. It was just a quick way of warming him up, not wanting to spend any more time with a naked and drunk Leon. After you were done you helped him out of the bathtub and put him into a towel. After drying him a little bit you helped him get into his pajamas and walked him into his bedroom. You watched him get into bed and before taking a shower yourself you saw him drifting off into a deep sleep. Closing the door behind you silently you went back into the bathroom and took a shower and changed into some of Leon's clothing. Nothing too special but at least it would keep you warm. After you put all the wet clothes away you went downstairs to try to get some sleep as well. You entered the living room and lay down on the big couch. Just a few minutes later you felt sleep take over and take you into a world of dreams.

You woke up the next morning to Angel's voice. "Hey there. Sorry to wake you up, I just wanted to see you before heading out again." You sat up and stretched, looking at Angel. "Thank you for bringing Leon home. I wasn't home yesterday and.. I'm sorry you had to see him like that." You shook your head, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder.

"Don't apologize for that. It's no big deal.. I think. Does this happen often? He was so.. weird yesterday." You looked down, feeling guilty for snapping at Leon like that yesterday, maybe being the reason for him ending up drunk.

"It's, well, it happened before. He always likes to drink but I'm not sure what's going on to be honest. But don't worry, okay? It has nothing to do with you or anything. Chances are high he's just fed up with work, I don't blame him." You nodded, smiling at Angel now. She then stood up and gave you a small smile before turning to leave. Before leaving though she turned back to you. "I prepared some coffee for you and Leon. Maybe try waking him up. And.. try not to be too mad at him, would you?" She waved to you one more time before leaving the room and soon the house.

You got your two mugs of coffee and you went up the stairs to wake up Leon. As you put your hand on the doorknob you could already hear his snoring so you made sure to be quiet. He laid face up on the bed and his hair was extremely messy, so rather than waking him up like you originally planned you just sat on the chair by the window and drank your coffee. The rain from last night was still just as terrible, if not worse to the point where you couldn't even look out the window, you needed some other source of entertainment. You picked up one of the books that Angel had placed in there as decor and began to read it. It was only a small book, something about a knight in shining armor there to save the princess, just like all the other fairy tales. As you were reaching the end of the book you could hear Leon beginning to stir, his breathing had become a lot lighter and his snoring had stopped, meaning he was pretty much awake now. You took another sip from your coffee and you could see Leon sitting up in bed. He had his hand on his head and you could tell that it was pounding. “Good morning, Sleepyhead.” You gave him a faint smile as you tapped the table, another mug of coffee waiting for Leon.

He groaned as he waved his arm at you, wanting you to bring the coffee to him. At first you just shook your head at him and clicked your tongue but he wouldn't give up, you were too tired to argue about it so you just sat on the side of the bed, your back facing him. “You’re mad."

“You think?” You snapped at him, still looking forward, at the blank wall in front of you.

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” He sat up properly and shuffled towards you, being careful not to spill his cold coffee. “I was being stupid. I had a bad morning and I just wanted to chill out for the rest of the day, have a nice drink and just relax by the pool or something.”

“Oh so me arriving for a surprise visit, that's what derailed your day?” You turned to face him and you could tell that the two cogs in his brain were working overtime.

“What? No!” He shook his head as he tried to get a grasp on the situation. “I overreacted to you asking about my drinking problem-”

“Oh so now you admit that it's a problem?” You interrupted him, by now your body was fully turnt to him, just by your body language he knew that you were more than just pissed at him.

“It’s always been a problem.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I can try and explain it.” You simply huffed at him, wanting to hear his excuse but still wanting him to know that you're angry. “After Raccoon City I began to get pretty bad nightmares. Like really, really bad nightmares. You can guess why.” You simply nodded at it, feeling guilty now that you got him to explain. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time, so I tried my best to just keep myself busy. Hobbies, people, anything. I would sometimes go out to bars and whatnot and I figured out that after a few drinks I would usually sleep better that night.” He adjusted himself in bed so that he was fully sitting upright, his full attention on you as he talked. “I’ve been doing it for years, Buttercup. It’s just a hobby I guess.”

You didn’t really know what to say. Sure you lived with college kids so you were around drinking fanatics 24/7 but an actual alcoholic? You didn’t have much experience.

“Buttercup, I’ve tried everything.” He leant forward and grabbed your hand, rather than you recoiling like the night before you accepted it and you shuffled yourself closer to him, sitting cross legged next to him on the bed. You hesitated before leaning your head on his shoulder and also grabbing his hand.

"I don't know how I can help, Leon. But you can't continue like this. I.. I didn't recognize you yesterday, you were so different. I don't want to worry about you, when you're out for a drink. I just-" You looked up to him with big eyes, some tears forming inside them. You felt so helpless and even bad for not noticing anything earlier. Leon squeezed your hand.

"Shh.. it's okay, Buttercup. After I met you, I tried to stop drinking, you can even ask Angel. But the nightmares never end. The only time I was able to sleep through the night was.. when you were here and slept next to me. Knowing I wasn't alone, feeling you next to me, it helped me." You blushed and gave him a small smile, but deep down you knew this wouldn't help long-term.

"Even if I stay here to sleep in your bed, you will always want to drink. And I can't be here with you all the time. You need.. we need something else to fix this problem." You took a deep breath. "Leon, I think you need professional help. Like, I don't know, medication to help you sleep?" You looked at him unsure of what you could do to help.

"I tried that before, Buttercup. I swear I tried it many times before but I also fell back into this habit. I can't change it anymore." You shook your head.

"No Leon, stop saying stuff like this. You may have tried before but.. now I'm here. I'll help you. I promise I will not leave your side, we will do this together. We can work in small steps, you hear me? Like.. you always drink your whiskey with ice, right? What about you trying to put in less alcohol and more ice? Step by step? It's worth a shot and this way it isn't cold withdrawal. What do you say?" You looked at him with big eyes, kind of proud of your idea. A small smile rested on Leon's face as he looked at you.

"It's worth a shot. But don't get your hopes up too high. This won't be easy and.. if things don't work out, I don't know who I'll be then."

"Leon. I am not leaving you alone now. We will do this together and no matter what happens, I'll be here. I believe in you." You lay your arms around him and hugged him. You felt his arms around your body and smiled. After a short while you let go of him. Both of you took a sip of your stone cold coffee and sat there in silence, the only sound being the rain outside the house.

You saw Leon fidgeting around and looked at him questioningly. Before you could ask what he was thinking about he began speaking. "You know, uhm, what I said yesterday. I meant it. Sure, I was drunk and all but…", he turned to you. "I love you. I have for a long time now but I didn't know how to say it. But I really do." You looked at Leon with big eyes, shocked that he would bring this topic up again. Unsure of what to say you stood up and walked around the room. Leon's gaze followed you and you felt bad for not saying anything. After walking up and down you finally sat back next to him again. "Leon, I.. I don't know what to say. I mean.. I. God. Leon. I love you. I really do." You let out a small laugh. This whole situation felt so bizarre to you. You saw a big smile growing on Leon's face and you had to return it. He grabbed you by your arm and pulled you to him. You looked each other in the eyes, knowing what both of you needed now. Leon closed the gap between you two and after so long you kissed him. Without being drunk. Just a real and honest kiss, both of you wanting it and knowing it was the right thing. “So what was the bad news that you got yesterday morning?” You asked him as you pulled away.

“I have to go to Italy for a job.” He smirked. “But I think I might drag you along with me, we can have some time together once I'm done with work.” You thought about the offer for a split second before agreeing.

"At least I don't have a job where I have to ask for permission anymore." You jokingly said, trying to make the best of the situation.

"Well then we have a plan. Sooo, you better get home and pack your things. We should be at the airport early tomorrow morning. I'll text you the time and pick you up. Sounds good?" You nodded before going for another kiss. You stayed at Leon's house for a while longer before eventually going home and packing your stuff. You were excited to be by his side at a job and couldn't wait for it anymore. God knows what you've gotten yourself into...

----

Taglist: @trinswhimsys @dixanadu @oppsie--channie

[peterprkrsbtch]

sapphire - part 2

Peter Parker x reader

A/n: Part 1 is up on my page! There’s a couple flashbacks in this one so I put the dates before so it doesn’t get confusing. If you enjoy this one, like or reblog to share! I already wrote part 3 and it’s my favorite one yet so that’ll def be up soon :)

tag- @juliannaamonroe​

Warnings: swearing, make out, violence

(September 1)

We’re one minute away. Come out hoe!

You smile as you read the text, glancing at yourself in the mirror again, nerves and excitement ablaze in your stomach. You’d been planning for this day since last winter, and now it was finally here. You adjust your carefully styled hair and double check that the natural makeup you applied was sitting on your skin correctly.

Of course it was. That goddamn injection sometimes made you feel like a vampire out of twilight and sometimes you still got surprised when you saw your own face while passing a mirror or a particularly reflective window. You smooth down the ruffles of your short black skirt and tug the top of your tank top down so a bit more of your curves show.

You put on your white sneakers and tug your shirt back up to cover your chest again. We’ll have to work up to that, I guess. A long honk sounds from outside your apartment building and you curse as you scramble to grab your backpack and phone before running down and out the front steps.

“Awwww,” You say sweetly at the sight of the two girls who had become your best friends. “That’s the shirt you were wearing when we met, Ally.” You jokingly brush away a tear, pretending to be ultra touched.

“Best damn day of my life.” Ally says from her spot in the drivers seat, laughing at your dramatics. She may be joking around, but her sentiment makes your heart clench. This year really was going to be different.

***

(July 3)

You quickly realized you needed to find some Midtown friends if your plan for senior year was going to work. If you dared to show up looking, well, like you do, completely alone and friendless, you might become even more of an outcast than you were before. The first month of summer had been the least lonely time of your year so far, thanks to a certain Spiderman.

The two of you spent most of your nights together, flying through the city, fighting crime together, and talking. The “slow” nights that used to fill you with boredom quickly became your favorite when he was involved. The sound of his laugh and the jokes he makes during fights quickly became the highlight of your days.

But you couldn’t let yourself get too distracted by him. After all, neither of you knew what the other looked like. The only other boy you’d ever found remotely cute (other than celebrities) was nerdy Peter Parker from your high school. He wasn’t your usual type and he seemed to be just as shy as you were, so you had little (zero) hope that it would ever lead to anything more than a smile during the hallway if you accidentally made eye contact.

Sorry Spiderman, but no way in hell are you gonna make me lose my focus. The loneliness you had felt through the last three years of high school was too much. Your plan had to work. So that night as the two of you patrolled together, you softly mentioned that you were going to a pool party tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet.

He seemed a bit disappointed, but you brushed it off, trying to remember the names of the girls at your school who seemed nice. Peter, however, couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that you had told him where you would be tomorrow. There was only so many pool parties in a city like New York.

You tried not to think about who was under the Spiderman mask out of respect and, to be honest, it seemed like a pointless endeavor. Peter was not the same. No matter how tired he was from patrol, he always had time to lay awake before he fell asleep and picture what you would look like under the mask.

There wasn’t very many people who understood Peter’s secret life. None, actually, until you. Maybe that was why he was so intrigued by you, because you were so similar, but in his heart he knew that wasn’t it. He liked you. And he hated himself for it. But once you mentioned the pool party, he made sure to take one long last glance at the color of your hair before you two said goodbye. Just in case he happened to see that same hair tomorrow.

(July 4)

You were so, so nervous. Your closet of exclusively sweats and hoodies was trashed as Part 1 of your plan, much to your mother’s happiness. She had always been honest about her hatred of your junior year clothes and was extremely excited to purchase everything you needed. As distant as she was, you had to give her a little credit.

Although you’d been wearing the new clothes for the past month, this was the first time you were doing it so publicly. Your denim shorts exposed miles of smooth leg, and you’d decided to wear a red tube top in honor of the holiday-not to mention it really showed off your curves. You’d meticulously done your hair and makeup like you’d been practicing the past month and prayed that somebody would talk to you today.

You’d seen the flyer for the Fourth of July party on Instagram, which had been step 2. Unfortunately, you had two followers. Your mom and her boyfriend. Step 2 is a work in progress.

One long walk later, and you’re in front of the address. You swear you could explode of nerves right there, but instead you take a deep breath and force your legs to carry you inside the house and towards the people out by the pool.

Your eyes are so focused on your destination, the glass sliding door, that you barely notice when you bump shoulders with someone, causing you to drop your phone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You say, reaching down to grab your phone.

“Oh my god, stop. That was totally my fault.” You stand back up to see the girl who was speaking, and you recognize her immediately. Her name is Ally, and she’s a part of the most popular group at school. Despite her long black hair and sweet smile, you haven’t heard many good things about her. Not the type of person you were looking for.

“Do you go to Midtown? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” Ally says, making no move to walk away from the conversation.

“Yeah, actually. My name is Y/n?” You don’t miss the way her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen with confusion and shock. You’re embarrassed now, realizing maybe you weren’t as invisible as you’d thought. In an effort to explain away the last few years, “My dad left a couple years ago and it was pretty hard on me, but I’m all better now.” You flash the most dazzling smile you can manage and hope she accepts it.

“No way, mine did too!” She gasps as she grabs your hands. You feel a small pang of guilt at that. It was a lie, you had no idea who your dad was and frankly, you didn’t think your mom knew either.

The conversation starts to flow between you and Ally easily as you make your way out to the pool. “This is my best friend Betty.” Ally introduces you to the sweet-as-pie girl and the three of you quickly fall into a conversation like you’d known each other forever. A few of their guy friends tried to come up and talk to you, but she just waved them away. “Leave us alone, we just met our new best friend.”

You felt bad for judging Ally so harshly earlier, blindly trusting the stupid rumors you’d heard about her. Popular or not, the three of you got along better than any of the other friends you’d tried to make throughout your life. They do briefly make fun of your instagram before forcing you to take and post pictures with the two of them by the pool. They both tag your account.

Peter didn’t seem to share the good luck you did. He’d dragged Ned to 6 different pool parties across the city and saw no one who looked like Sapphire. Disappointed, he spent the night patrolling alone and dodging fireworks.

***

(September 1)

Since that day, you’d become a trio with Ally and Betty. The day after the pool party you’d woken up to nearly 1,000 followers on your instagram. Everyone from Midtown who never gave you a second look when you had your hood shoved over your head now wanted to be your friend.

The three of you spent the rest of your summer days together, and you fit into the popular friend group better than you could have imagined. Maybe you watched too many teen movies, but you expected them to be mean. The only mean one was Flash, and even he was basically harmless. You’d given up Saturday night patrols with Spiderman for a weekly girls night with your new best friends. You thought having new friends and a bustling social life would’ve made it easier to forget about Spiderman, but somehow he seeped into every area of your life.

That damn laugh. As Ally and Betty sing along to the radio loudly, you bite your lip to stop a dumb smile from rising to your lips. God, just thinking about him made you flustered. As Ally drives into the school parking lot, nerves bubble in your stomach.

As if you aren’t stressed enough, your brain decides this is the perfect moment to remind you of the one night this summer you and Spiderman haven’t talked about since.

*** (August 14)

The two of you were sprawled out on a gravel rooftop next to each other. Not the most comfortable of relaxing spots, but you’d both grown tired of flying around under the summer heat with no hint of trouble for miles.

“This sucks.” Spiderman huffs out.

“Rude.” You reply quickly, even though you know he isn’t talking about you.

“Oh, no,” He immediately sits up. “I didn’t mean you suck, I just meant, you know, because there’s not much going on right now and it’s hot and-” He sees your cheeky smile and stops himself with a laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s cute.” You bite your lip. The fuck did I just say? Before you can begin to explain, he jumps to his feet.

“Spidey sense, let’s go!” You jump up too and follow after him as he jumps off the building. Thank god. I’ve never been so grateful that someone’s in trouble. The fight was tough, even with the both of you. These men had strange guns that keep firing at you and Spiderman even though you’d tried multiple times to crush them with your powers.

“The guns are magic-proof! I can’t destroy them!” You yell over to Spiderman as you take down one of the men in between punches.

Somehow, two men get ahold of their guns and corner you. Just as you start levitating to fly over them, a web shoots from somewhere behind them and the men and their guns are yanked away. Spiderman wastes no time and you swear he seems angry with the two men as he webs them to the wall next to their friends before picking up the guns and violently smashing them on the ground.

You’re still frozen in shock, watching him. When he seems to be satisfied with the broken pile of guns on the floor, he runs back over to you. “I’m so sorry, I know we promised-” You finally break out of whatever trance you were in to place a finger over his lips, casting a disgusted glance towards the men staring at you from their webbed cocoons.

“Not here.” You say quietly, and fly the two of you quickly up to the roof. He blinks for a second, his head spinning from the speed. You rarely use your full speed, especially with him, but you had to get out of there. “Okay, go ahead.” You say after a second of silence.

“I’m so sorry, I know we agreed not to get in each other’s way, and I know you can handle yourself, probably better than I can. Hold on, I didn’t mean I handle you. That sounded weird. Anyways, I just got so angry when I saw those men pointing their guns at you I had to-” He’s talking about the agreement you two had made when you first started working together. You both obviously were skilled, so you agreed that you wouldn’t interrupt each other’s fights unless asked.

“Spidey, I really don’t care you interrupted. It was hot.” JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN. You immediately winced and slap a hand over your mouth. “Oh my god I did NOT mean to say that I’m so sorry.”

Your rambling is cut off as Spiderman’s hand travels up to the bottom of his mask and you think your eyes might fall out of your head with how wide they become as he begins to pull it up, revealing the soft pale skin of his neck.

His jaw, chin, and then lips become visible as he lets the mask rest on his nose. The 0.5 seconds that have passed since you stopped talking feel like an eternity until he suddenly leans forward, crashing his lips into yours. Spiderman is an amazing kisser, you decide, as you gently kiss him back.

WHAT AM I DOING? Your mind is going haywire but instead of stopping, you deepen the kiss and nearly smile when he lets out a low moan. Everything you’ve told yourself about focus and distractions flies out the window when his gloved hands clutch your waist and pull you closer to him than you thought possible.

It feels like it’s only been a second when he pulls away, but your eyes flicker to his swollen lips and you know it must have been longer. You smile as you stare at his lips, only inches from yours, but as your gaze moves to the rest of his exposed skin the smile drops slowly.

Your rational mind comes back. It’s easy to forget when you’re with him that you’ve only known each other a couple months. How could you do this? Your first time making out with a boy, and he doesn’t even know your name.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You whisper as he starts to say something.  “Sorry, what were you going to say?” He blinks slowly and takes a deep breath before stepping away from you.

“Nevermind. See you tomorrow.” And he swings away from you. You silently curse yourself for being such a big mouth, wanting to know what he would have said. You can’t help the small voice in the back of your head, telling you that you made the wrong decision.

You raise your hand to run your fingers along your tingling lips before flying home as fast as you can.

***

(September 1)

You wince at the painful memory before reminding yourself everything was back to normal the next day and neither of you mentioned it again. You still weren’t sure if that was good or bad. You force all thoughts of Spiderman out of your brain and even give Ally an encouraging cheer when she successfully parks on her first try.

You don’t remember Midtown having so many fucking students last year, but maybe it was because they were all staring at you. Any confidence you’d had as you opened Ally’s car door had disappeared as everyone around you turned to gawk. The bright smile you’d pasted on a second ago quickly fell and you glanced at Ally nervously.

“Come on, girls!” She says enthusiastically, grabbing an arm from you and Betty as she breaks the brief moment of awkward silence. God bless you Ally. As the three of you hoist your bags over your shoulders and make your way into the school, you mouth a quick thank you her way, hoping she can see your genuine appreciation. She smiles at you. “I’m happy we’re going into this year as three instead of two.”

Betty leans forward to smile at you. “Me too, y/n. I’m really happy you’re here.”  You smile back brightly. There really was no one as sweet as Betty.

“You won’t be so happy I’m here when I talk your ear off during class.” The three of you continue laughing and joking your way down the hall to stop at your lockers.

“Oh my god, is that Y/n?” Ned interrupts Peter’s latest ramble about his night with Sapphire. Usually, he really did listen. Ned was fully invested in the superhero love story, as he called it, unfolding. But the sight of a girl notorious for hiding in her own baggy clothes across the hall in a miniskirt and tank top was more important.

“Y/n?” Peter asks, confused why Ned wasn’t paying attention. But when he turned around to see what Ned was staring at, he understood. He’d seen you around school the past three years, but never like this.

You looked like a fucking model. And everyone in the hall couldn’t help but stare. “Holy shit.”

“Right, dude?” Ned breathes out, the two of them shamelessly staring. “Why didn’t that happen to me over summer? Oh my god, of course she’s friends with Betty.”

Peter laughs as his best friend goes on about “two pretty best friends” but he can’t take his eyes off of you. The light in your eyes as you joke with your friends, making them double over in laughter, feels strangely familiar. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking on his part because you’re extremely pretty.

He watches in surprise as you and Ally walk up to the AP Chem classroom, waving goodbye to Betty sadly as she heads off to English. You turn to walk into the classroom after Ally, but you pause and look back down the hallway-right at him. Instead of yelling at him for being a creep like he expected, you smile at him widely before heading into the class. He exhales deeply and glances down at his schedule quickly, a smile appearing. AP Chem.

Of course his thoughts are still consumed by Sapphire, but it was hard to ignore you especially after seeing his name on the seating chart next to yours in the back row. Plus, Sapphire was the one who’d shot him down after he finally tried to make a move after catching onto the hints he thought she’d been dropping.

He felt bad for thinking that about her, he didn’t blame her at all. He knew there was a million reasons they shouldn’t be together-and he didn’t want to know specifics on why he wasn’t good enough. Sapphire hadn’t brought up that night since, and he was fine to pretend it never happened.

You were already in your seat at the lab table, but Ally was still standing next to you waving her hands wildly as you two spoke. He doesn’t want to interrupt so he freezes in place, unsure of whether or not to go sit down. He’d thought you were cute, and a little shy like him in freshman and sophomore year and he remembered the many times he would look at you from across the room like he is now.

His eyes had been quick to find you whenever you two were in the same room ever since the first day of school freshman year when you smiled at him in the hall. Even last year, when all he saw of you was a curled up lump at your desk or a sliver of hair peeking out from behind your hood he still noticed you.

Luckily for him, the bell rings and he slides into his seat just as the teacher begins speaking. “Hi, Peter.” You lean over to him, your shoulders nearly touching, and whisper so the teacher doesn’t hear. “I’m y/n.” You smile warmly as his cheeks and ears turn light pink.

“You don’t have to introduce yourself. We’ve gone to school together since we were 6?” Now it’s your turn to be embarrassed and you purse your lips together.

“No, I know, just-” Peter notices you seem a bit frustrated as you glance around the room and then lean even closer to him. “Everybody thinks I’m new.” You nervously mess with your bracelet.

“You do look a bit different.” He points out and you raise your eyebrows before sighing slowly and shrugging.

“I was just sick of feeling invisible, you know. Not because I care what anyone here thinks. Last year was just, really, really lonely.” Peter watches you intently as you speak, hanging onto your every word.

Your confession made him sad. If only he’d been brave enough to ask if you were okay. You pause for a second and meet his eyes. Any other guy in this school would’ve laughed at you by now. You gesture to your outfit and nervously adjust your skirt. “I’m also not a superficial person. It wasn’t about changing how I looked, I just needed the confidence to put myself out there.” You pause and nod towards Ally with a smile. Peter glances over to Ally and sees her blow you a kiss, which you catch across the room with a giggle.

I miss you! She mouths with a dramatic frown and this time Peter laughs quietly with you. “I thought she was a bitch before I met her.” He looks at you with surprise to find you smiling at him. “But,” you hold up a finger for dramatic effect, “because I put myself out there, I met my best friends. A lot of people around here judge on appearances. I’m not like that anymore.” You say with confidence.

“That’s really cool of you.” Peter whispers back, and the sound sends an involuntary shiver down your spine. He’s so close to you and the feelings you thought you left behind two years ago don’t seem so left behind as you stare into his warm eyes. “For the record, I’d be your friend no matter what you look like.”

Peter has only been this nervous a couple times before in his life, and he can’t help but feel like he’s betraying Sapphire with the way he’s thinking about you. He watches as you smile warmly at his words and extend your hand towards his.

“Friends? Even though I'm so much uglier now?” You pout your bottom lip out, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He nearly laughs out loud and has to remind himself you’re still in class. “I know guys go wild for the homeless man sweatpants look.” You’re both trying to hold back your laughter, shaking silently in the back of the class as he raises his hand and grabs yours.

“Friends.” Peter isn’t sure why he keeps going, but he does. “And just so you know, you were never ugly. I don’t know why you tried so hard to hide yourself last year, but even then,” the words leaving his mouth sound confident but Peter takes a deep breath before looking up from his lap to meet your eyes. Your wide eyes and surprised smile give him just the confidence he needs to finish. “You could never be ugly.” Peter can hear his heart beating.

You blink at him. This boy could not be real. Here he was, basically implying that the one thing you had wanted all along, for somebody to notice you, was true. Not only was it true, but it was Peter fucking Parker telling you this. Despite everything that had changed you in the past year, the giddy feeling in your bones brought you back to sophomore year and pining over Peter.

“Really?” Your smile spreads and he seems to let out a deep breath of relief.

“Yeah.” He smiles back at you until your sweet moment is interrupted by a fat ass syllabus dropping onto the lab table in front of you.

“Fuck,” you whisper. “This class is gonna be so much homework.” You turn the page so Peter can briefly see the list of projects alone, and it’s enough to make him cringe.

Something about the way the whispers travel back and forth between you all class makes you realize you hadn’t fallen into a friendship this easily, even with Ally. Even with Spiderman, your brain points out.

A red and blue suit swings into your mind and you are hit with a wave of guilt. Not two hours ago I was thinking about my make out with Spiderman, and now I’m comparing him to Peter? 

You have all but one class together, and you can’t help but glance in Peter’s direction any chance you get. The only time you don’t see him is at lunch, even though you look all around the lunch room for him or the boy he’d been standing with this morning. You thought it would be too creepy to ask him where he’d been.

Finally, the last bell of the day rang, and you were sure if you didn’t have superpowers you would’ve been exhausted. School is kinda draining when you actually acknowledge people. Ally and Betty share your complaints about being tired on your drive home, all three of you agreeing you need naps. You kiss them both on the cheek and wave goodbye before heading up to your room.

Forget what I said about having superpowers. I’m fucking tired. You lay down on your bed, groaning into the pillow at the thought of having to patrol tonight. You sat up abruptly. You’d never dreaded patrol, it was always the thing you looked forward to. You glance towards the suit in your closet and sigh.

It’s not patrol I’m nervous about. It’s him. You feel incredibly guilty about today. I’m not a two timer. If I want to like Peter, I have to talk to Spiderman about that kiss first. You start to make your way over to the closet before another wave of exhaustion hits, sending you straight back to your bed.

After a nap. Then we’ll talk.

[hwrryscherry]

The one where Anne teaches Model Y/N how to make gingerbread cookies.

blurb: Model Y/N never baked gingerbread cookies before and she has no idea how to do it, so as Anne is teaching her Harry realizes how good the relationship of his girl and his mother is and also, he gives model Y/N her first mistletoe kiss later at night.

warning: fluff, smut and more fluff Harry because we love it.

word count: 7.2K

author's note: DAY 2 of Christmas Special is here!!!! What are you guys thinking so far? I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am. Also, I must admit I’m a little nervous to post this because it’s the first smut I ever posted so yep, i’m a little nervous and I apologize if that’s the worst smut you’ve ever read lol, I just wanted to try. Anyway make sure you find the holiday spirits and start celebrating, I hope this helps♥️♥️

christmas song of the day: Like It's Christmas by Jonas Brothers.

December 21st, 2020.

    After sleeping for a good number of hours from basically 7 AM until the current time that was 12:19 PM, you'd feel a sharp cold air running through your skin making you wake up, not fully, but enough to see that Harry had took all the blanket to his body leaving you uncovered. Neither of you actually had taken a shower or changed clothes when you arrived because the urge of laying in a bed was all you really wanted to do after traveling for 20 hours straight and the jeans were probably the one thing that kept you from waking up some hours earlier.

    Anne noticed that you both were home when she woke up and saw that all brownies were gone. She walked her way carefully to the only room that wasn’t occupied when she arrived and came across you and Harry sleeping on the king-sized bed under that heavy white blanket extremely appropriate for the weather outside. Harry had his body very close to yours, by the way. The older woman admired the scene a little, she thought to herself that after some complicated relationships that generated the boy's music and also three Grammy nominations, he had finally found someone like you. Someone who brought him nothing but peace. She could see in the boy's eyes, in his voice and even in his appearance that he was genuinely happy. That he was excited about what life would bring him. Harry was Anne's little boy. It had always been like this and it always will be, he called her every day and they usually spend hours talking about how things were going. Harry asked about Gemma, asked about his family in general and she informed him with all the details, and then when she asked how you were, he’d spent a long time talking about you to her. And she adored you, she adored you for knowing that you loved and cared for her little boy but she also loved you for being an incredible person. And two Christmases ago when you met her you were so nervous, terrified would be the right word. Harry told you that you had nothing to worry about and that she already liked you, but how can you not worry? It was Anne. But being nervous about meeting new people was something yours. The first time you had met Gemma, which was on the New Year's trip to Ibizain 2017 that you and Harry had before you started dating, in fact Gemma told you that he was not being "just" friendly’’on that trip. Anyway, when Christmas 2018 came and you had to go to Holmes Chapel you were nervous to meet Gemma again. You previously knew her as your friend's sister, now you’d know her as your boyfriend's sister and that was a big thing.

    Anne didn't stay long at the bedroom door, of course. And a few hours later when that cold wind ran through your skin and you woke up, you used your hand to try to pull the blanket over your body again but your tall and heavy boyfriend was completely wrapped around it like a cocoon.

— Harry! — You whined with your eyes closed as you tried to pull it, but the man didn't move, not even a muscle. At this moment, you already knew that you were wide awake and wouldn’t sleep anymore, so you decided to get up. You then put your two feet covered by cozy socks on that dark wooden floor and got up from the bed slowly. You passed both of your hands over your face as you approached the big glass window and could see the sky extremely clean and blue and all that white snow everywhere. On the ground, in the mountains completely covered with snow, on top of the roofs of other houses and even on top of cars that were left on the street and not in the garage. You really felt like you were in winter wonderland.

   You took a deep breath and started walking to the suite bathroom and were amazed at how beautiful it really was. Like the rest of the house, it had the floor and walls made of wood but it also had some parts of the wall painted white. There was a long mirror on the wall of the sink that spanned the entire length of the counter, which there was a grayish blue color. It had a bathtub that was in by a window and in front of a painted picture of the mountains in the fall.

   You walked back to the bedroom approaching your handbag where you took your toiletry bag and walked again to the bathroom. You placed the small bag over the sink and opened it instantly taking a hair clip inside it and then using your hands to join your strands of hair to be able to pin them with the clip. So you immediately brushed your teeth deciding that you would go into the shower and take a long and hot shower actually.

    You had already undressed, but cover your body with a white cotton robe that you had brought for after showering. You were looking through your suitcase that was on top of the dresser next to the bathroom door open in front of you while you chose the clothes you would wear today for after you actually shower. As you took one of the baggy jeans, you had put in the suitcase. You felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, as you looked at them to see the little cross tattoo on his hand, you felt his hot breath close to your neck as he used his other hand to move your hair to the other side of your neck to give you a peck in it.  

— Good morning, I can see you're rested — You'd say feeling the boy's warm lips slowing moving against your jaw and the spot under your ear that gave you goosebumps towards all of your body causing Harry to open up a smirk, which you could feel perfectly over your skin. He just knew, he knew your body so well at this point to know all of your sweet spots but he still is quite determined to find new ones.

— I am, but ye' look tired! — Harry whispered next to your ear as he started using his hands to slowly move the robe off your shoulders so he could see the skin of your neck, shoulders and collarbone exposed in front of him. You'd frown your eyebrows at his words trying to understand what he was trying to say and just when you were going to talk, you'd feel Harry's rough fingertips slide softly over your collarbone — And as I'm such a good boyfriend, I should relax ye', shouldn't I? — Harry would say, his voice deep and rough as he took his right hand up to your neck so he could hold your jaw to move your head to the side just a little to give him more space to kiss your neck again. Now moving his lips lightly as he used his tongue to suck on the sensitive skin, being careful to not leave any marks, even though he wanted to so much. He wanted to mark that pretty neck of yours, so everyone knew that you were his, and only his.

   You'd roll your eyes at the feeling of your whole body becoming hot from the sensation he was gifting you to. You'd move your head a little as a successful try to free yourself from Harry's grip so you could turn around to face him. You'd kiss the boy's tempting lips immediately as you put your body closer to his feeling the boy use one of his hands to cup your face and the other one to your waist squeezing it as he brought your body even closer to his.

   Once both of you accepted the heat of the moment, Harry would slide his hands to the back of your thighs lifting you up and carrying you to walk to the huge bed you had in your room. You'd cross your legs on his waist to hold you from falling as now disconnecting your lips to start kissing his jaw and then going down his neck feeling the small growing hair tickle your face a little because even thought he had shaved his beard two days ago it was already making its way back.

    Harry’d put you lying in bed, just getting on top of you while he felt the wonderful feeling of your tongue sucking on his neck, maybe you weren't being as careful as him about the "no leaving marks" rule but at this moment Harry didn’t care, and he knew that if the mark shows up he would smirking show it around the house so everybody could know what you guys were doing earlier in the room.

    You used your body to switch positions and now stay on top. Harry’s back was now on the mattress, while he took his hands to the band that held your robe, well, it held more or less since because of all the action it was almost out of your body now. He pulled the fabric and slid the robe out of your body, leaving you completely exposed in front of him. He would be stunned for a moment because it doesn't matter how many times he saw you naked. It feels like the first time, every time. He’d still admire any stain, any stretch mark, any cellulite, any part of skin that was present on your body because he finds you perfect just the way you are. Anyway, your knees would rest on either side of his hips, and your butt would be specifically on top of his now, growing boner that was covered on his jeans from yesterday. You'd feel him swallow hard when you'd pass your delicate lips over his throat and slid your hands to pull his goddamn shirt out of his body getting a perfect vision of his tattooed chest and arms. You'd softly run your fingertips through his butterfly tattoo to the two tattoos a little up the beginning of his jeans feeling his skin get chills under your fingers and feeling the urge between your legs get higher as you'd feel his boner getting harder under you and his big hands sliding through your naked back.

    Harry would kiss your lips again, moving his tongue with yours feeling how your mouth tastes. He would suck and bite your lips as he teased you delicately moving through our body touching it slowly, as he caressed the sides of your body, the whole length of your back and hips feeling how incredibly hot you were now. Your body was on fire. He'd hold the back of your head's hair with one hand as his tongue would slowly circle on your skin as he dowered his lips from your neck, to your collarbone, your chest, until he'd get to your breasts where he’d kiss carefully the extension of your breast before sucking on your nipple putting it entirely on his mouth. You'd throw your head behind to let out a grasp and a low moan of his name as you felt his hot tongue around your sensitive nipple. "Harry", he likes it. He likes the way his name leaves your mouth, specially on situations like this when he could feel your breathing and your heart beating faster. Where he could feel the intimacy of being this close to you and to know that he’s the one who’s been touching you in places that nobody could and he planned that nobody else would ever do. Only him. He planned on being the only one to give you all this sensation, to be the only one to make you rolls your eyes of pleasure and shake under his body into yours. He’d wouldn’t give this intimacy away for anyone.

   Harry's fingers would squeeze your hips harshly as he felt you unconsciously starting to move it against his boner. You’d hear a groan leave the boy's lips at the feeling of himself getting so turned on that his jeans were starting to tighten. He’d slid his hand down your stomach to your bare core, feeling how soaked you were for him so he’d take a finger and starts rubbing it slowly against your clit making you let out a confederative quite loud moan at the friction of his finger at your swollen clit, you needed more. You wanted more. Harry would look up to your red blushed face with closed eyes right before you’d lay your head on his shoulder to drown out the slightly pornografics sounds that left your throat.

— I can see ye' getting more relaxed, darlin' — He'd promiscuously comment with a smirk on his face feeling your hot breath on his exposed neck — You gotta be quiet, petal! D' ye' want everyone to know how good you're being on your relaxing moment? I'd think you'd rather keep it private. I'm very surprised — Harry would joke, then you'd guide your delicate hands to the buttons of his pants, unbuttoning as fastly as you could — Rushing, aren’t we? — Harry would say feeling a relief as you unbuttoned his pants and released its length. You'd stand up in the moment Harry'd say this indicating to him to take of his pants, and he did, throwing it at some corner of the room as you'd get back over the guy putting both of your hands on each side of his cheeks cupping them.

— I think you'll be the next one to be rushing! — You'd whisper as a smirk formed on your lips when you approached Harry's face kissing his lips roughly, full of passion and desire. You'd move one of your hands down the man's body playing for a while with the edges of his underwear until you took it completely off to see his hard length chilling on his lower belly. You'd carefully grab it with your hand with slow grinding twists, your thumb moving on his tip, and it’s Harry moaning your name lowly now as his head fell back on the pillow with closed eyes and parted lips over the pleasure you were giving him. He'd positioned his palms on either side of your hips trying to bring it down to give him any kind of friction that he desperately needed.

— Rushing, aren't we? — You'd now joke positioning yourself by the tip of his length letting out a grasp at the feeling. Harry'd chuckle at your words that was previously his. You'd slowly dig your hips into his length making your lips part at the huge pleasure.

   He would use his hand to help you move your hips against him. And he’s not sure what he should focus on, if it's the feeling of your wet core moving against him, or how pretty you looked with blushed cheeks and sweat over your forehead.

   Harry'd wrap both his arms around your exposed back and changes your position making himself be on top of you as he started to move his hips against yours at a quick pace washing your body in complete pleasure. His thrusts were deep and harsh as he continually hits your spot making it 10 times harder for you to keep it low. He positioned his one hand on gripping her right wrist above your head tightens it’s hold and he slid his other hand to your leg taking it to pull it higher to get a new angle. His grip on your legs tightens as he feels his abdomen starts clenching with the new sensation.

— Tell me… tell me how much you want this… — Harry would say as you let out low moans to the sensation washing all over your body. He can feel it. He feels your muscles shaking from pleasure under him, and he could feel you tighten around his length as the knot in your stomach continued to grow. Harry lets go of your wrist and moves his hand to your core to use his finger to stimulate your swollen clit increasing your pleasure.

— Harry — You'd whine taking your hand to the boys hair pulling it softly as you leaned ahead a little to distribute kisses through his broad shoulders — Pl..please — As you said that, sounding so desperate for him, his jaw locked as his eyes clenched tight making his entire body goes rigid, and his mouth to fall open while a deep moan left his throat as you felt Harry’s body to fall over yours as you tried to catch your breath and so did him.

— Did so good for me, darlin'. — He'd kiss your collarbone right before removing himself from you and you'd stay this way for a while. Just catching your breath as you reminiscing the moment, you both had until you sat on the bed making Harry see the view of your naked back to him covered by your long strands of hair, he would take his hand to your lower back and caress it gently.

— I'm going to take a shower, your mother must already be thinking that we died in here! — You said letting out a chuckle while getting up from the bed looking for your robe on the bedroom floor. When you found it closer to the big window next to the bed, you bent down to pick it up and hold it in your hands while you made your way to the bathroom leaving the door open. 

— Look... I hope her room isn’t next door, if it is she certainly knows that we are alive. — Harry said with a playful tone also standing up from the bed walking to where you were in the bathroom.

— God, don't even joke about it — You’d say with wide eyes, and then looking at the sight of you in the big bathroom mirror seeing how sweaty your hair had gotten — I'll have to wash my hair again — You opened the glass door of the shower cabin by turning the hot water valve on the shower, walking back to the sink where you had left your belongings to get the shampoo and conditioner.

— Don't worry, I'll happily wash it for you! — Harry said placing a quick kiss on the top of your head with a smirk on his lips and soon after walking into the shower feeling the hot water fall down his back releasing any remaining tension from his muscles.

   You would smile a little at the sight of it before agreeing and going into the shower with him. You would feel completely relaxed now after feeling the hot water fall on you, wetting your hair and your face. You would extend the big bottle of your shampoo to Harry, who’d pick it up by opening the lid and take the bottle closer to his nose to feel the relaxing and sweet smell of lavender invading his nostrils. He would pour some shampoo on his wide hands by rubbing them together and then on your scalp, later unintentionally pulling your hair a little causing you to gasp as you’d take your hand to touch his on your head.

— Oh my god, I said you could wash it and not get it out of my head! — You said with a playful tone making Harry chuckle and whisper a slight "sorry''. You turned around with the boy's hands still in your hair so you could face him. You could see that Harry was focused on your hair with his eyebrows drawn together and his lips squeezed into a line. You, on the other hand, ran your fingertips gently over his chest. Drawing the shape of his tattoos and then seeing the bonus nipples that he has.

— You know what, I think it's really cute that you have four nipples! — You said causing Harry to laugh out loud and you look at the boy's face focusing on his dimples appearing — What? — You’d say with a smile on your face, and then entering again with your head under the water after the boy's signal that you could rinse your hair now.

— Nothing, it's just not cute! It's weird actually! — Harry'd say putting a little of shampoo on his hair as well. His gorgeous hair, you could look at it all day long actually. When the Golden music video came out you freaked so much about how gorgeous his hair looked in it.

— It's just that I have peculiar tastes. You wouldn't understand. — You said with your eyebrows raised in the most sassy tone of voice you could do. That’s not true, not at all. It’s just that you loved everything about Harry, there wasn’t a universe or a time when you wouldn’t think he looks completely stunning.

— Oh yes, forgive my small brain for being unable to understand your deepest thoughts — Harry said returning your sass while he approached you to also rinse his hair now.

   In general, you were grateful to have had many moments together this year. Moments where you could talk without interruption, where you could play and laugh without feeling that the world was watching your every step. Being a public figure and dating another public figure could be difficult at times but you and Harry have always managed to get through all the difficulties together. And let's agree that getting out of the shower wrapped in towels, with wet skin and hair, selecting the song Don't Stop me now by Queen in your Spotify app and dancing in front of the mirror was a moment to definitely cherish and never forget.

   You prefered to keep yourselves comfortable when choosing which clothes to wear and you’d chose the baggy jeans you had chosen earlier, a white dress shirt and a red sweater over the shirt along with your white sneakers that you take everywhere with you just like Harry does with his vans. When you put your hand on the door handle, you’d feel Harry pull your other hand to get you closer to him. He cupped your cheeks as he leaned to give you a sweet kiss before you'd go out. It's not that he doesn't want to go out and see his family. He did; he missed those people and spending time with them would be more than he needed, but he was also reluctant to open that door and leave the comfortable and private space that you both created in that room. When he had moved your faces away, he’d sigh and remove his hands from your cheeks and collect them for himself.

— Okay, now I'm ready! — He’d say softly making you smile tenderly at him and open the door leaving the room. You both could notice that there was no one in the halls which made you deduce that they were all downstairs.

   You and Harry would go down the dark wooden stairs paying attention to the details of the house that was extremely decorated for Christmas. Honestly, it looked like Santa's own workshop. Harry had an arm around your shoulders and you kept your arm around his waist. Like you, Harry was wearing a wine red oversized sweater, which was actually quite cozy and you could feel it just by touching the fabric.

   Upon reaching the floor below, you could see Gemma and Michal sitting on the sofa in the living room doing nothing more than that thing where you put popcorn and some other candies on the string. Why were they doing this? You had no idea, but it was what they were doing for some reason. You quickly looked away at the clock over the fireplace trying to see the time, but you couldn't, it's very difficult to be a myopic.

   Gemma would look away from the string to the two of you right after stepping on the first floor as she felt your presence in the room. She opened a huge smile on her face at the sight of both of you because you happened to not meet each other earlier.

— Look, the lovebirds woke up! — She’d say in a loud and lively tone with her strong and cute british accent as she got up from the sofa leaving her piece of string on the coffee table with Michal. You also saw the figures of your mothers leaving the kitchen with big smiles on their faces. Your mother and Anne got along very well and you even think that your mother's english improved a lot after they met, even though the two of you never spoke in English with each other. You’d remember that when she came to US with you, she could barerly say ‘’hello’’ and look at her now having full conversations.

   Gemma would accelerate her step as she got closer to you and instantly wrap you in a strong hug.

— Hi! — You'd say hugging her back tightlyand then you and Harry would alternate hugging and greeting everyone. When you hugged Anne, she hugged you so tight, like she was showing all of her love for you in that hug. She would be stroking your hair and inhaling the perfume that Harry bought for you yesterday in New York. When you’d step back, you would basically run into your mother's arms that was shorter than you, wrapping her tightly in your arms while you heard Anne hug Harry calling him "mommy's little boy", which he was.

— We apologize for being late, there were technical problems! — You’d say referring to the situation where you and Harry overslept and missed the flight without specifically explaining why you missed it.

— Exactly! — Harry said, holding his laugh because only you both knew the despair you felt that morning when you realized that you were extremely late, but it was quite an adventure. Harry’d take a deep breath, running his ringed hand through his strands of hair, throwing that stubborn streak of hair away from his forehead — We’ll tell you the details later, now explain to me what this is all about! — Harry said turning around pointing to all that popcorn that Gemma and Michal were giving their attention to a few minutes ago, causing Anne to laugh briefly.

— We’re cooking now, we didn't want to go out and do things without you! — Anne said taking a few steps back and pointing to the kitchen, which made the curious asses of you and Harry to walk next to her seeing the kitchen yourselved. You could notice that they were cooking from the dishes on the sink and from the ver pleasent scent that you could smell coming from the oven. You’d put a lock of your hair behind your ear and then look at the group of people again.

— Uh, and what are you cooking? Can we help or is it an activity only for those who arrive on time? — You asked ironically making fun of yourself.

— It is an activity only for those who arrived early! — Gemma'd say with her raised eyebrows, mocking you and Harry, which made the girl's brother look at her with the most falsely offended look he could peform now.

— She’s joking. Gemma! — Anne would say scolding her daughter even though she was joking and she knew it because Gemma loved you, and you two had a great relationship. You always called each other and exchanged messages and when you were in person together you’d always go out to do something fun and have a girls' night which even made Harry a little jealous sometimes but in general he was very pleased knowing that his sister loved his girlfriend  — Well, your mom was teaching me how to make brazilian chicken pie and then we were going to make Christmas gingerbread cookies. You both should come with us!

— Sure, but I have no idea on know how to bake gingerbread cookies! — You’d say softly looking at the shorter woman and then at Harry as he’d say that he also didn’t know how to. The woman looked shocked, not about you, she understood your case because baking gingerbread cookies aren’t a thing in Brazil but Harry? She felt offended. She was quite sure she'd taught the boy before even though he claims that she didn't.

   And after some minutes of argumentations on wether she taught him or not, you'd finally make your way to the kitchen. And you'd confess it was one of the prettiest kitchens you'd ever seen, and you could actually say it because the kitchen is your favorite place in every house so you've seen plenty of them. And yes, you and Harry were there in the morning but you couldn't actually pay attention to the details because all you could think about was a long sleep on a comfy bed. You'd pay attention to the big glass window now. The window that reflected the sun's light on the large navy blue island and stone based wall. It was stunning, completely stunning. You would slide your right hand to the stone on top of the island and then lean in on Harry's chest as you felt the taller guy standing behind you. He'd wrap his arms around your waist resting his head on top of your head as you both watched his mother getting all the ingredients herself and Gemma and Michal entering the kitchen.

 — I wouldn't mind not helping... — Harry'd whisper as he leaned his lips next to your ear as you felt his hot breath against your skin — I wanted to watch all Home Alone movies and then pretend like it's the first time! — He'd complement making you let out a low chuckle over the boy's argument. The thing is, you and Harry created a tradition for christmas, and thinking now, you'd have a lot of traditions for a lot of things, but anyway, you both have the tradition of chosing one day of christmas week to watch all three Home Alone movies laid on the couch wrapped on cozy blankets, eating some snacks and actually reacting to the movie as it was the first time you'd watch it because I mean, we can all agree that Home Alone is the best christmas movies and it should be treated as its prize, and honestly, every year when you'd watch it, you'd probably notice something new that you haven't noticed on the past times.

— We can watch it after the cookies! — You'd move your head a little to the side as you whispered to him back to him. You’d positionate your hands over his to play with his big cold rings on his fingers.

— No, love. You're not getting it — Harry would say with a very straight face as you tried to control yourself over your boyfriend's drama. It's not like you won't watch the movies, you'll just postpone it but he loved the drama — I wanted to be in the couch now. It's cold in here — He'd say fake shrugging a bit from cold making you give him a big smile while shaking your head 

— It's not cold in here, there's a heater in the house! It's just you — You'd argue looking directly at his emerald green eyes that looked extremely green today by the way. It’s the little details for you.

— Exactly! — Harry’d whisper a little bit louder now with his eyebrows raised as he tried to expose his point — If we were in the couch now, I wouldn't be cold because we would be cuddling, please understand my point.

— You're such a drama queen. I promise we'll watch it. We can even watch it with everyone on the living room, but I want to eat the cookies and I’ll feel bad to not help your mom — You'd say moving your head to the side a little so you could peck the boy on his lips. His sweet, small and cute lips that you loved to admire whenever he talked.

— Alright kids so... — Anne would start saying as she turned around finishing to  put all of the ingredients on the island being interrupted by Gemma when she’d notice both of you actions.

— HEY! — Gemma would shout at you and Harry making both of you to immediately part your lips and look at her — No kissing on the kitchen, focus on the cookies...Jeez, get a room! — She'd tease both of you. She's probably you guys biggest shipper in the world and her heart melted when she'd see moments like this where she could feel the love and happiness in the air. — I want the cookies to be done in a few hours and this will distract you guys.

— You know what they say, right? Bake with love! — Harry'd say with a smirk on his lips as he loosened his arms around you so you could walk to be beside Anne’s now, looking at all the ingridients on the counter thinking to yourself that even though you both are great bakers this could go really wrong.

— Yes, bake with love not bake while making love — Gemma’d say with a sweet smile on her face as she winked an eye at you both when she’d hear you laugh. It was mostly a nervous laugh. Is her room beside yours? Honestly, you didn’t even want to think about this now because you’d blush and wouldn’t focus on learning how to make the cookies.

   Anne grabbed her glasses and a small paper from her recipe book as you 

you gathered all your hair on the top of your head and with the help of a hair tie tied it in a ponytail. Anne had a specific notebook full of loose leaves with some amazing recipes that you loved and would often ask her for a picture of some recipe that you wanted to try and then you guys would probably face time each other as she’d give you instructions on the recipe and it’d usually be really nice to spend this time together.

   It was 1:55 PM now and you saw it this time when you took your phone off your pocket and gave Harry asking him to put it the big dinner table that it has in the kitchen. In the recipe, it said that it would take around four hours and thirty minutes to complete the recipe so the cookies would be ready by the sunset probably. You walked to the sink, where you rolled up your sweater sleeves and washed yourr hands while looking at the view of the snow-covered mountains through the window in front of you. When you’d turn around, you’d see Harry sit on the table with Gemma and Michal scrolling through his phone as he asnwered some texts in it.

— What the hell? You’re not helping? —  You’d ask him placing your palms on the bench bringing Harry's attention to you as he immediately stopped typing. He’d be silent for a few minutes trying to find a good excuse as to why he was too lazy to help.

— Well, no —  Harry would say calmly while looking at your face — But see, I won’t help because I think that not having my help will help you to have a nice moment with your favorite mother-in-law.

— Do I have another mother-in-law that I’m not aware about?  — You’d ask after letting a chuckle out causing Anne to laugh and ask her son if he had any other lost mother walking around. 

— Y/N, focus on the cookie and the nice time with your mother in law! — Harry’d say laughing at himself and turning his attention to his phone again while Anne handed you an extremely cute personalized Christmas apron that she had brought from London and helped you tie it to your body.

— We should put some christmas songs to give that christmas spirit — Gemma said as she fiddled with her own phone. 

— Wow yes! Michal, can ye’ please take the Alexa I brought from my room? — Harry asked his sister's boyfriend who agreed and got up from the table asking him where the device was — Oh, it's in Y/N’s bag, the bag that is on top of the dresser, other than the suitcase — Harry would give him the instructions and then focus on his phone again as the man left. It didn't take long for Michal to return with the small device though, and then Harry asked Alexa to play his christmas playlist that started with ''Santa Claus is Comin 'to Town' 'by Frank Sinatra.

— Alright my dear, let’s start! Take that small bowl over there for me please —  Anne would ask, and you’d start to make it. In a small bowl, she’d tell you to whisk together the perfect amount of flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon, and then cloves until well blended. Later, you’d take a large bowl and add the beat butter that she made while you were whisking the dry ingredients together. You’d add brown sugar and egg on medium speed until well blended. While you continued to blend it, she’d add molasses, vanilla, and lemon zest and continue to mix until well blended. Gradually, you’d stir in dry ingredients until blended and smooth. She would let you divide the dough in half and wrap each half in plastic and then tell you that you’d have to wait at least two hours so the dough could be ready.

    While you were waiting for the dough, Gemma took the UNO cards she had brought and you all started to play together. Of all the things you did to kill time, your favorite would probably be playing UNO. Even if there was a lot of shouting when someone forgot to say '' UNO '' when it was just holding a card left, or when someone told the other person to add four more cards to its deck. The point is that probably with the number of times that you played this game, you added thirty more new rules that were not in the original rules of the game but it was these new rules that were fun and made you laugh out loud while playing. You were very good though, and you always finished your cards first which made Harry faithfully believe that you cheat in the game in some way and that would make him indignant.

   You would play faithfully for two hours without even noticing that time has passed and then when Anne returned to the kitchen saying that the two hours had passed, you put your cards on the table and went back to the counter while they continued to play, but Harry didn't pay as much attention to the game as he did when you played alongside him.

    Anne would preheat the oven to 375 deg while you’d prepare the baking sheets by lining with parchment paper. She would place one portion of the dough on a lightly floured surface and sprinkle flour over dough and the rolling pin as she’d give the rolling pin to you. As you rolled the dough, Harry paid attention to the way his mother carefully taught you and how you’d take her advices so openly to learn, if he didn’t know both of you, he would tell that you were mother and daughter because he’d never had any of his girlfriends to get along so well with his family before as you did and that’d honestly warm his heart. With so many years on the public eye, Harry learned the importance of his family and how important it was for him to receive their support in everything he decided to do and he’d in moments like this where he can see how his family loves you, the sensation that you were the one for him only grew more on his chest. He would smile openly at you when you show him the cute gingerbread man that you just cut with the dough. He’d appreciate your smile and how such little things actually made you the happiest.

    In the past months in quarantine, Harry has been thinking about taking the next step in your relationship. You both would celebrate your 3rd anniversary on January 8th of 2021, and he’d feel like it’s the right time to do it because even though he knows that you don’t really believe that a piece of paper saying that you were married would change your relationship, he wanted that. He wanted to go around town being able to call you his wife. He couldn’t wait for a time when this would be a thing for both of you and that’s why later on that night when you’d finish baking the cookies and probably eaten way too many cookies and completely fall asleep on his chest while you all were watching Home Alone in the couch, he’d talk to his mom about how he’s been feeling and he’d be very content about the support she’d give him. ‘’She’s the one, my love! Do what your heart tells you to do’’, she’d tell him.

    You’d wake up a few minutes later, though, when he tried to take you to your room. This time, when you turned the corridor out of the stairs to walk to your room, you would notice nothing more and nothing less than a mistletoe hanging from the wooden beam above your head and would stop walking immediately while Harry continued, and then he stopped and looked at you with a curious look on his face.

— What you’re doing? — He'd ask by releasing the door handle and walking closer to you.

— It's a mistletoe! — You said pointing upwards without taking your eyes off the mistletoe above your heads.

— Oh, it is! I hadn't noticed! — Harry said raising his head so that he could see the mistletoe you pointed with your finger.

— Did you know that I had never kissed under the mistletoe? — You would ask, now looking at him with a smirk on your face and he would then look at you with a wide smile and raising his eyebrows understanding exactly what you were saying.

— Oh, really? But that has to change. The mistletoe is magic of Christmas! — Harry said as he cupped your cheeks with his palms and approached you giving a tender kiss on your lips that had a smile formed in it. And at that moment Harry decided he wanted to kiss you for the rest of his life, whether you were under the mistletoe or not.

[uhhhhyandere]

i would do anything for just a short one shot of orphic light x reader cuddling . its valentines day and im down bad

me too lol i hate V-day.... but chocolate is on sale tomorrow.......

this one’s for you bby and everyone else who is feeling it today. im right here with y’all <3 

idk what it is tho hahahahaahh 

You didn’t think about it.

Okay, okay, that was a lie. You did. Fuck, you did, but what were you supposed to do? Pretend you didn’t? Pass by other regular, healthy couples and pretend to not wish with every fiber of your being that you were them? It was tiring, so tiring to put on a face and act, to shove your emotions down down until they're squashed out of existence.

Or, at the very least, pretending they're out of existence. 

But god, you had to give yourself this one. You didn’t have the power to pretend or act or ignore or do anything right now. Even if you wanted to, Light had everything down to a science from the twitch of your fingers to the drag of each syllable out of your mouth whether it was a microsecond too long or one pitch too high to be normal. Up until now, you’ve every valentine’s day deep in daydreams and fantasies full of flowers, dates, and just... happiness, however that looked like to you with whoever was home to you. 

Light was definitely not what you were expecting to be your first - and most likely last one way or another - relationship, but you just wanted something normal. Something that can just give you a taste of real, tangible escapism. To feel warm and happy and cozy and appreciated and loved. For fuck’s sake, you just wanted to feel as loved as every other goddamned couple you see holding hands or - fuck - even laughing and smiling like normal people in a normal world. 

That’s all. 

But, no, no you couldn’t even have that. You spent ten whole minutes pacing outside Light’s office to gain the confidence to walk in and ask if you can do something, anything. All that amounted to was him grimacing and telling you to leave him “the hell alone right now,” and it hurt. Of course, it did. You finally take a risk and ask for something you want and not live every second of your life wondering what’s going to make him happy, and it gets shut down so easily. You’re not sure what would happen if you ever did that. 

So, in your prepubescent turmoil, you left. You escaped the stiff air of the house and his presence, and deeply inhaled the brisk February air. It was cold, sure, but not nearly as ruthless as the winter air could be. It was actually relatively nice out. Thank fuck. You only grabbed your lighter coat in your absconding and settled for the first place of peace you can find in the city: a small park with a cobblestone path cutting through it. 

The cruel, black metal of the bunch bit your ass and chilled your skin, but now you could hardly feel it. You could hardly care. What were you going to do? Get up. Sure, and go where? Wander aimlessly and just pass more restaurants brimming with everything you ever wanted? No thanks. The volume of people walking past you here was far fewer. Plus, if you leaned back to let the cold touch your thighs and stare at the cloudy sky, you didn’t have to see any of them. 

You’re not sure the wetness on your cheeks began as soft drifts of white landed there or as tears crept from the corner of your eyes. You’re also not sure how long you sat there. Your legs have long since fallen asleep, succumbing to countless pins and needless. Snow was accumulating all around you, on you, even as a terrible, freezing, wet blanket you slightly shifted to knock off every so often. 

It really must have been a pathetic sight to see. You shut your eyes and felt each flake land on you, hoping, eventually, they would bury you. 

But they stopped. 

You opened one eye to see the disturbance. Black completely overtook the sky. Ah, no, not the sky. An umbrella was tipped to cover your body entirely. Your eyes trailed down the thin metal supports to his face. Not unimpressive, not frustrated, not angry, just... there. Light looked down at you like he would look down at the sidewalk while walking any other day. A pale face sticking out of a black turtleneck under a brown coat he bought to replace the white one that was just getting too old and worn out for him. 

You look away. Using the back of your finger you wipe away a tear - definitely a tear and not snow - before settling both frozen hands in your pockets. Your eyes meet for a few more seconds before he steps to the side and takes a set next to you, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his thigh next to yours. Light held the umbrella in the small gap between you. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask finally, breaking the minutes-long silence. “Thought you were busy.” 

“Finished,” he replied. “Then I had to come play hide-and-seek with you when you ran out like a petulant child who didn’t get the toy they wanted at recess.” You want to shoot up straight and bitch at him, to say that it’s his fault, that everything is his fault, and to tell him that this is the least of the reactions you could offer in response to it all. 

“Then leave,” you said. “I’ll come back. You know that. Just... just for today let me be... happy. Please.” Your voice cracks and you have to look away once more to wipe away more stray tears. “I just wanted something... normal.” 

“Normal was out of the question from the start. In fact, don’t pretend that it was ever in the question. We’re meant for more than... normal.” 

You shake your head. “Not today, Light, fuck. You’re such a fucking genius, but god, you could never read a room, could you?” Light clenched his teeth but ultimately stayed silent. At least, for the minute he spent contemplating whether to tell you to ‘come off it,’ or to play into it for the longer-term benefit of your temporary satisfaction. You beat him to the punch. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Funny enough, I knew that.” 

“Well, I couldn't tell.” 

“You don’t seem the type for flowers and poems, Y/N.” 

“Well, you don’t seem the type to-to... you know, and that’s-god-that’s not it, and I feel so stupid, in the scheme of things, to have this bother me, but fuck, Light. I’m a human. I’m complex and shit, and I can’t do what you do. At least, not consciously.

“This is... this fucked up, sure, but it’s the first real... something I ever had with someone else. Middle school, high school, even most of college was just me existing alone. It seemed like... it seemed like every single other person just got a handbook on how to socialize, how to develop relationships, how to love and be loved that I never got. That everyone else was able to be loved, but never me. Never me. I was never picked or chosen, or, even if I was, something better would come along and I’m left in the fucking dust. It’s me, you know? Never... never enough. For once - just for once - I can feel like I’m enough. That I’m not deciding every second if I’m breathing too loud or not being useful or whatever.” 

By the time you’re done, you feel far too comfortable in the silence that follows. You’re not horrified of what he’s going to do in response. You settled back down and shut your eyes. “That’s all,” you add pointlessly, “and, I’m not sure if you can tell, I really, really hate this holiday.” 

Light stood up. You watch him, like before, with one eye. The umbrella rests on his shoulder at an angle, and with his free hand, he extended his palm out to you. You furrowed your brows and quadruple your number of chins to look down at it. Light rolled his eyes. 

“You could stay here if you want.” You kind of wanted to. Spending a few more hours alone was tempting, but... but that’s what you always were, have been. You had one chance - one person - left to change that. 

His hand was warm over your own. It kept you centered and balanced as he led you down the snow-covered streets. Though it’s nothing like the pure joy emanating from others, it was something. It could probably be compared to two business partners walking stiffly while holding hands if you’re being honest.  

But for this, you can act for. 

You played pretend the rest of the way home until you convinced yourself you were in a good mood. You refused his offer of food when you return home. Instead, you nestled under a large white blanket and clicked on whatever was on: some cliche romance fic Light would never, on any other day, stand for. You could heat Light shifting around in the kitchen behind you. He emerged with two mugs with steam rising in small swirls above them. Light placed them on the table and you watched him motion for you to raise the blanket. 

Light slipped in beside you, and you wondered how painful it was for him to wrap his arm around your shoulder. It’s stiff, uncomfortable, and a bit cold, but not surprising. You shut your eyes and imagine... you try to imagine someone else, but there’s no one else you could picture besides Light. Anyone else felt... wrong, so you opted to watch the snowfall through the windows. Turning your body towards him more, you snuggle into him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

His hand rose between you. You figured it’s him adjusting himself or the blanket, but you’re surprised when his fingers lightly grab your chin and lift your head. There’s no time to react before his lips land on yours. 

Oh yes, you can act today. For today, you can pretend. You could let your heart be filled and convinced you are loved, because tomorrow, tomorrow was never guaranteed. 

[golden-barnes]

Divinità

Prologue: Salvezza

Bucky Barnes X F! Reader

Description of the series: Au! Divinità. A deity. A goddess. One that Bucky has only seen 3 times before and now he can’t get Y/N out of his head. So he decided to put an idealized version of Y/N in his books. But what will happen when he gets to meet the real Y/N? Will you still be his deity?

Summary: (Salvation) The three times Bucky has seen Y/N and how his life changed because of that.

Warning: Curse words, grumpy Bucky, ptsd attacks and war mentions

Word count:1.5k words (I think that’s a lot for a prologue but I got carried away) 

A/N: I (loosely) based this off the Dante Alighieri and Beatrice Portinari story but with a modern twist. This is my first series in years, so I am a little rusty but I am very excited about it.

Past:

The first time he saw her: 

James Buchanan Barnes hated the center. And he made it goddamn clear that it was the worst and that he rather be anywhere else than there. After coming home from his last tour, with one less hand, Sam and Steve decided it would be for the best that he went to the Military Rehabilitation Center. He understood why they wanted him to get help and it wasn’t like they forced him, he truly wanted to get better. He was grateful that they cared about him so much to help him. And the center helped him a lot. He was getting fewer nightmares. The nurses were nice. He likes his physical therapist, even though he thinks that she underestimates him. But he is making some progress, more than anyone in the center. The food is decent, a lot better than what he ate when he was stationed. He liked going to the small library that they had in the center. There was a little park next to the center that he likes to go for a run in the mornings. He was finally starting to feel normal, or rather as normal as he could possibly get. 

His psychologist, on the other hand, is a nuisance. It wasn’t that he is a bad guy, it’s just that Bucky hates talking about himself and he swears the psychologist is out to get him.Sam thinks that he is just being dramatic but he still claims that he hates him. He recommended (even though Bucky says that he ordered him) to keep a journal. To fuck with him, Bucky decided to write some random things. They were borderline poems but Bucky would never admit that. In one of his journal entries, he wrote  about some french fries he ate in Belgium. One time he just rambled about a blue bird. Doc wasn’t pleased with that one in particular.

“You have to write about your feelings, Mr Barnes. That is what the journal is for.” He reprimanded  him in one of his sessions. But Bucky wasn’t going to go down without a fight. That is until today.

His session with the irritating physiologist started normal. The whole "How do you feel Barnes?" and "did you have any nightmares last night or any anxiety attacks?"  Which the answer was yes. He didn't particularly wake up on the right side of the bed. Meaning that this session was getting on his nerves more than usual.

Then there was a knock on a door before he could answer the doctor's questions.

"Excuse me, doctor. The director told me to come get you. Apparently there's a situation in the lunchroom." From the door emerged the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on. Her presence just filled the room, in a way he has never seen. It was as if she was radiating calmness. For a few minutes, all of his worries and his fears just vanished. His mind was only focused on her. On the way her eyes were warm and made him feel comfort. On the smile she was giving him. Oh that smile. He knew that he was now addicted to it and would do anything to see it again.

“Behold, a deity stronger than I; who coming, shall rule over me.”

 Was the first thing that came into his mind when she left the room with the psychologist. That night when he wrote in his journal, he wrote about her. 

A month later;

The second time he saw her

Veteran’s day in the center wasn’t as fun as a lot of people think it is. It would be crowded with family members. Kids would bring their toys to show them to their grandparents. There would be a cookout outside for all the vets and their families. Even fucking games, there were little challenges and shit for the families to have fun with. The ruckus was too much for Bucky. Bucky always made it a point not to celebrate this holiday.

 “First of all, it’s dumb. If you wanted to do something for the veterans, maybe you should give the centers more money to operate. And, I don’t know, make more fucking centers. Second of fucking all, why make so much noise? Seriously, can’t we have ONE silent holiday?” He once told Sam and Steve. To which Sam replied with a “stop being such a grumpy motherfucker”.

This year, he decided to hide in the library instead of his room. He wanted to finish this new book Steve brought him in peace and quiet. And since the library was on the other side of the rehabilitation center, he knew it was gonna be his little safe haven. What he didn’t expect was to see her there.

He stopped at the entrance, astonished and amazed. With a flowy flower dress and peonies in her hand. She was looking at the books that they had. Running her fingers over the spines of the books. Why would she have flowers? Why was she here? Was she staying?

She turned around to see him and gave him the same addicting smile that she gave him the other day.

“I thought I was going to be the only one here. I was just looking at the books. Don’t worry I’m going to leave.” Bucky swears her voice is like honey to his ears. His senses were overpowered by the smell of her perfume. Was that vainilla? Or was it cinnamon? He couldn't guess. He was stuck there. He couldn’t talk or move. She gave him another warm smile, one that made her eyes crinkle a bit. Bucky would bet anything to have her permanently smile like that.

“Oh before I leave, here’s a flower. Happy veteran’s day. Thank you for everything” She gave him one of her peonies. Their fingers slightly touched and Bucky felt a small shock. He probably looked super dumb to her. With widened eyes and his mouth slightly opened, he probably looked like an idiot. Damn it Bucky, she might think that you are a creep. 

She smiled again and pointed at the door. Fuck, I haven’t moved from the entrance. She can’t pass. Way to go Barnes! 

“Thank you soldier.”She winked at him. But little did she know that he wouldn’t stop thinking of her wink. 

Another one for the journal, I guess. He thought letting his mind run wild with the image of her.

Two months later; 

The third time he saw her

James Buchanan Barnes was consumed by two thoughts. Number one, he had finished all his physical therapy and his nightmares and panic attacks were less, but he was much better at dealing with it. So that means that it was his last week at the center. He was so happy. He has already said goodbye to all the nurses, his doctors and he even said a nice goodbye to his insufferable psychologist, who he in the end grew to like. He was packing all his things and was waiting in the reception area for Steve to pick him up.

His second thought was her. He hadn’t seen her since that Veteran’s day where he acted like an idiot in front of her. Fucking damn it. But he couldn’t stop thinking of her. Almost every night since then, he kept writing about her. It was like his brain was trapped in a box, captured until he wrote out everything he could about her. He never even formed a formal conversation with her, but he still couldn’t help but think about her. About how her presence soothes him. How her smile filled him with joy. How the flower she gave him was the most important thing he has ever received. Hell, he learned how to press flowers and made it into his bookmark. 

“These last entries were really good Mister Barnes. It is like something I would see in a poetry book.” His psychologist once noted. And he couldn't help to agree with him. She had become his muse. And I don’t even know her name.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. As if Bucky called her with his mind, she appeared. With the same heart melting smile and the brightest aura. The receptionist even smiled when she saw her. She walked in, and the room got lighter. Can a human glow? Because Bucky thinks that she is glowing, as if small specks of glitter were emanating from her body and reflecting back at him. Did it make sense? Not one bit, but Bucky couldn’t describe it any other way. 

“Good morning Y/N. I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show up again.”  Y/N let out a soft chuckle at the receptionist’s words. She reached to sign in the sign in list. 

“Buck! Hey buddy, ready to go?” Steve had walked in and Bucky hadn’t even noticed

“Ye-yeah. Let’s go” Grabbing his bags, he started to walk out the center. But not without giving Y/N one last look.

If salvation had another name, Bucky would bet his life that it was Y/N.

[peralta-guaranteed]

Family day playing hooky hc

(this turned into another fic. Apparently I don't make the rules anymore)

Read on AO3

It's the beginning of a long summer. Both kids are home - well, not really, since Amy has signed them up for several activities all around the city. Today is arts & crafts time at the children's library wing, Jake notes as he checks their shared calendar before the morning meeting. But they are home, insofar as Mac's school is closed for the summer holidays, and so's Maya's kindergarten. They drop them off at their daily activity in the morning, and the rest of the time they're at his mom's, who's been happily overfeeding them and entertaining them as the proud grandma she is. Or they drop them off at Gramma Peralta’s first, and she drives them to whatever place they were signed up at. It's a pretty good routine, and he's proud of Amy having found so many things for them to do that seem right up their alley, judging from their excited stories during dinner and the ever growing collection of handmade gifts on their living room shelves.

But they're home for the summer, and Jake and Amy have to sit at the sweltering precinct, slogging through paperwork and a dull week of almost no new cases. It's really not fair, Jake thinks. He remembers his summer days with Gina, when Nana would hand them both a couple of dollars and tell them not to be home until sunset at least. They can’t do that, obviously - Mac and Maya are still too young, and Brooklyn has definitely not gotten any safer since his early teens, when it was already questionably sketchy for him and Gina to stalk around the neighbourhoods and buy cheap ice cream and soda at random bodegas. He also remembers those few rare days when his mom would get a day off that did not need to be spent on catching up on housework, or when his dad would finally show up for more than one day and they could plan a little trip (which would actually take place at least 50% of the time). He remembers the aquarium and the zoo and the natural history museum and Central Park and Coney Island.

And they could absolutely do that, he realises, so the decision is pretty much made before he’s even set his bag down at his desk. But he’s patient enough to wait through the morning meeting - blessedly short, because nothing new has come up anyway, and they’re all told to finish up the paperwork and start on re-organising the evidence room. Jake supposes it’s a generally good thing that crime seems to slow down in the summer heat a little, but that’s not really why he’s so happy right now hearing the captain tell them to ‘find something to do anywhere’. He certainly knows what he wants to do already.

Amy’s morning meeting must’ve been just as short, because she’s already at her desk when he jumps down the last steps of the stairwell to her floor. Her uniformed officers mostly give him a quick nod or smile as he passes - it’s not a rare thing to see Detective Peralta come by to visit his wife outside of break times.

“Good morning, Lieutenant.” He smiles at her, and she rolls her eyes with fondness. The title is still pretty new, and he loves to remind her of it any chance he gets.

“Hey babe. We’re not due for lunch for another 4 hours, you know that, right?”

“Yeah there’s no way I’m waiting that long.” He’s still smiling wide, and when she looks up from whatever paper she’s been filling out, she instantly recognises that mischievous glint in his eye.

“What are you planning?”

“Let’s bail the kids out of the library and go somewhere fun. Coney Island? It’s all open since last saturday I think.”

“We have to work, Jake.” Amy levels him with one of those ‘please be a grown-up’ looks, but she knows they seldom get results.

“Do we, Ames? Do we really? Because Holt has us organising the evidence room. I have literally zero open cases on my desk. And how far ahead are you with all your paperwork and organisation?”

She looks sheepishly at the very small stack of papers on her desk.

“About two weeks, I’d say.”

“And you’re saying we can’t take one day off? Just one day of family time? Getting cotton candy and taking Mac on an actual roller coaster now that he’s tall enough and winning a new teddy for Maya because you’re an ace at the fake shooting range?” He wiggles his eyebrows for emphasis, and Amy stifles a snicker. It’s too bad her husband knows exactly how to win her over for most of his childish endeavours.

“I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to take some personal time right now. We’d still have to convince Holt-”

“On it.” Jake slaps her desk in excitement as he gets up, ready to race upstairs and sweet-talk Holt into giving them the day off (or rather, annoy him into it). Only Amy Santiago would request permission from her boss to play hooky, of course, but there’s no way he’s not going to indulge her.

It’s not even fifteen minutes later that he’s back downstairs, his bag already on his shoulder, almost pulling her out of her chair.

“Got the go-ahead, so let’s go!”

“Give me five minutes at least to brief Gary, and change out of my uniform before I leave.”

He sighs and thrums his fingers across his thigh, but obediently watches her talk to her ‘own Amy’, eagerly taking notes about the few things they actually have to remember to do. He refrains from pushing her forwards by the shoulders as she heads to the locker room, deciding to pack up her purse instead (he knows the layout perfectly by now - the calendar and pen goes next to the baby wipes, and the glasses case has to be by the little box of healthy, kid-friendly snacks). But the moment she returns in one of her signature flowery blouses, he grabs her hand and drags her out of the precinct so fast she can barely protest.

-+-

The drive to the library is equally as quick. Amy only manages to slow him down once they step into the actual building, reminding him of the library rules of being quiet and calm.

“Lieutenant Santiago!” The librarian behind the desk greets her - she’s well-known around these parts, obviously. “Back so early? Isn’t your mother-in-law picking up the kids later?”

He should probably call her to tell her about the change of plans, Jake thinks as Amy explains and asks if it’s possible to get Mac and Maya packed up and ready to leave already.

It’s absolutely possible, of course, and Maya proudly shows them the pipe cleaner and yarn figurine she’d just finished making as the kids librarian leads them out to the main floor. Mac, a few feet behind her, seems wary as he hugs them hello.

“Did something happen?” He asks into the hug, quietly, and Jake remembers with a twinge in his heart that the last time someone picked him up unexpectedly early from football practice, it was aunt Rosa, taking him and Maya to the precinct until Amy brought Jake back from hospital after getting knifed by a perp.

“No, buddy, this is a good surprise.” He hugs him back extra tight, ruffling his hair for good measure, and silently cursing his line of work being so shit sometimes.

Mac smiles back at him, luckily, but there is still a bit of hesitation in his eyes, and Jake’s excitement about his own idea of playing hooky falters for the first time. Maybe they should’ve just let the kids enjoy their crafts and grandma-time, and planned a proper day out for the weekend-

“Grandpa Holt gave us today off.” Amy explains as she steps up to the two of them with Maya by her side, and that title still sounds a little weird even years later. “So we thought we could all go out for a fun day at Coney Island!”

The squeal Maya lets out certainly changes Mac’s smile for the better, even as it is quickly shushed down (they’re still in the library after all!), and they’re soon dragged outside to the car by their kids the same way Jake had dragged Amy out of the precinct.

“C’n we get hotdogs?” Maya asks as she clicks her seatbelt closed and Amy smiles at her through the rearview mirror.

“We sure can!”

“Can we go on all the rides?” Mac joins in, and Jake is glad to see there’s absolutely no hesitation on his face anymore.

“All the ones you’re old enough for, sure.”

The questions and cheers and excited chatter keep up during the whole drive, even as Amy calls Karen and barely gets a word in, between the happy interruptions shouted from the backseat, and it takes a lot more to actually keep them together as they step on the boardwalk, Maya already running left to some game parlour while Mac races on ahead to the first ride he sees.

-+-

The rest of the day does not slow down in their whirlwind. Mac decides after three roller coasters that maybe he’s had enough (and Jake is glad they didn’t go through the food stalls before it), but he spins Maya around in the teacups ride like only an older brother could. The ice cream after is well deserved, seeing how sweaty and exhausted they are already, and gives them more than enough energy to hit literally every game they can see. Jake can watch Amy calculating the vast amount of money they’re spending in tokens, but she’s also the first one in line once they reach the toy-shooting range, winning Maya a unicorn plushie and Mac a knock-off superb-man figurine (his wife is a goddamn sharpshooter and he’d be lying if that wasn’t a turn-on). The third shot earns him a wacky pair of sunglasses that make both Amy and Maya giggle in that way he loves the most, and he refuses to take them off for any of the silly pictures they take in front of cutouts, wall art and weird statues.

He’s pushed them up into his hair by the time they get hotdogs (3 for him, 2 for Mac, one each for Amy and Maya), because the sun is already starting to set and he can barely see. Maya begins to shiver as they stroll down the quieter parts of the boardwalk, so he buys her one of those kitschy animal-hoodies all the stalls are touting (they know their clientele too well), and of course Mac immediately needs one too, so now there’s a tiny tiger and a slightly larger dragon running in front of them with cotton candy sticking all over their hands and faces.

Amy slides her arm around his waist as they slow their steps a little to let the kids go ahead, and he lays his across her shoulder as she leans into him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun playing hooky.” She mumbles, and Jake laughs for a second.

“Amy Santiago, are you telling me you’ve played hooky before? I am shocked. Here I thought I’d married an upstanding girl.”

He gets a soft punch to his side for that before she leans back and whispers.

“Actually, you’ve made me play hooky before, remember? But we didn’t exactly go to an ‘amusement park’…”

“And yet you’re saying this has been more fun. I see where I stand.” He pouts before grinning again, and leans down for a soft kiss. (He definitely remembers the last time they played hooky now.)

“Sorry, babe.” Amy smiles as she looks at Mac and Maya again, currently busy chasing each other and dueling with the sticks left over from their cotton candy. “But this has been such a great day.”

“Yeah, it’s gonna make for one hell of a memory, I hope.” He follows her eyes forward, thinking about that short moment with Mac at the library earlier today. Amy hadn’t heard it, he’s sure, but the look on her face as she pulls him to look at her with a hand on his cheek tells him she knows his thoughts well enough.

“Hey. No sad thinking allowed on such a fun day, okay? We had a great time today and we’re gonna have so many more great days in the future.” She’s still smiling, swiping her thumb across his bottom lip, where he’s sure some cotton candy is still left clinging. “We could take them to the zoo next week.”

“Santiago!” He gasps again. “Are you insinuating-”

“On the weekend.” She leans up to kiss away the last bit of sugar on his mouth. “Like the upstanding girl you married would do, obviously.”

He laughs into the kiss even as he pulls her closer, and it’s only Mac and Maya, running back to them with news of another stand they’ve discovered selling funnel cakes, that makes them break apart again.

-+-

Later, after Jake’s carried a sleepy Maya up to their apartment, and she and Mac have barely had enough energy left in them to brush their teeth and wash their faces free from all the grime and sugar that’s covering it, he falls down on the couch as Amy checks on them one more time to see both fast asleep before the lights are even out.

“Do you feel as tired as the kids?” She says in her deep, sing-song voice that sends goosebumps up his spine, just as much as her hand raking through his hair does as she stands behind the couch.

“Well, it’s been a pretty long day. But I do have more sugar in my system to keep me running, I guess.” He tries to sound nonchalant, but then she leans down to nip on his ear and ‘nonchalance’ is the last thing he’s thinking of.

“Then how about we save time between now and bed by showering together?” She whispers, and he lets his head drop back to actually look at her.

“We have never saved time in the shower together, babe.”

She only smiles at him while humming an M-hm before heading for the bathroom, and he definitely doesn’t waste any time following her.

[statusquoergo]

hey, to balance the angst how about marvey 16 :) and hopefully you find your muse again, thank you

To uh, balance the angst, you say? I can certainly…see how you would expect this prompt to elicit something…steamy, probably, but…uh. Well. I’m sorry about this. But it’s a happy ending, I promise!

Oh! Also, this is the last of these prompts that I received, and I want to thank everyone again for sending them to me! This series has been a lot of fun to write!

Things you said with no space between us

[Read on AO3]

They sentence him to two years in prison. The prosecutors tell him it could’ve been worse, the judge tells him he should be grateful; he knows they’re right. Mike doesn’t complain.

Harvey does. Harvey does, and Rachel does. They argue at his hearing, and Rachel wants to appeal, but there’s no real standing for that, and it’ll be tossed before it gets to a higher court. She knows it will. Mike knows it too, and he doesn’t complain. It’s all been building to this, after all, everything they’ve done up to now. Everything they’ve gotten away with that they shouldn’t have.

Rachel tries to visit him on his very first day, but she’s not on his visitation list, and they turn her away with a weary sort of irritation and not much sympathy. They start the registration process immediately after she gets back to New York, she and Harvey do, and it’s supposed to be easy, but these things always seem to take more time than they should, somehow. They do what they can.

Mike doesn’t complain. It takes a little more than three weeks, the whole process from start to finish, but Mike waits.

Not much else to do these days.

---

Mike walks into the visitation room with a smile on his face that brightens as he nears the plexiglass, that widens as he sits on the rickety stool in front of the long table and reaches across himself to pick up the telephone in his non-dominant hand so that he can press it to the unbruised side of his face.

“Hi,” he says. “Thanks for coming.”

On the other side of the glass, Rachel raises her hand to her mouth, and Harvey picks up the telephone.

“Mike,” he says. “What happened?”

Mike sits on his free hand to keep from touching his face.

“Oh this?” He raises his eyebrows like this is some kind of joke, because come on now, what a silly question that is. “I met some guy in here named Frank Gallo, I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Harvey’s face pales, and Rachel raises her other hand to cover her mouth, too.

“I put him away for racketeering,” Harvey says. “What the hell is he doing here?”

Mike grins. “Search me.”

Harvey frowns.

“I’m going to tell the warden,” he says. Rachel looks at him with some alarm, dropping her hands to the table, and Mike’s smile vanishes at once.

“Don’t do that.”

Harvey shakes his head. “I’m going to tell him,” he repeats. “I’m going to tell him the whole story.”

“Harvey.” Mike points at his mottled skin. “Harvey, if you tell the warden, Gallo is going to find out, and this’ll be nothing compared to what he’s gonna do to me.”

Harvey’s knuckles turn white as he clutches the phone, pressing it to his ear, and Rachel looks between them, their one-sided conversation, and bites her lip.

These visits have a time limit, don’t they? They must, surely.

Mike smiles wide.

“So tell me about the firm.”

Harvey lowers his head, tapping his nail against the plastic receiver. After a moment, Rachel begins to cry.

Mike looks away.

---

Prison happens on a learning curve.

After that first meeting, the one that left him feeling so hollow and cold, and so angry at himself for feeling that way, for being ungrateful, for being an entitled piece of shit— After that first meeting, Rachel promised to come visit him every day, even if she had to come alone, even if she didn’t have any news to bring him, even if there was no reason for her to be there. It was a stupid thing to promise, and she shouldn’t have done it, but she did, and Mike should have known better, and he should have warned her, but he didn’t, and that’s two hours now that she’s wasted driving out here, and two more she’ll waste driving back.

“It’s a points system,” his cellmate Kevin explains. “Beginning of the month you get twelve points, and every visit costs one. Two on weekends and holidays. Then next month you start over.”

Mike crosses his arms over his chest and tucks himself into the corner of his threadbare mattress, the matching blanket wadded up between his lower back and the dirty wall.

“That’s stupid,” he says.

“Yeah,” Kevin says. “What’re you gonna do.”

Not a goddamn thing.

---

“Mike, you’re bleeding.”

Mike touches his lip gently, curving his wrist to hide the swelling around the joint as Harvey narrows his eyes.

“What happened?”

Mike smiles and tries not to wince when it pulls at the split.

“Gallo and I got in a little argument in the day room,” he says. “Guess I’m still not used to the pecking order around here.”

I hope I die before I figure it out. I hope that day is too far away for me to see it clearly. I hope I never learn how to live here, I hope I never learn how to make this place my home.

Harvey’s shoulders sag forward, his furrowed brow drawing his eyes down to the cracked paint and scratched aluminum holding up the plexiglass pane between them.

“Hey,” Mike says, rapping his knuckles against the window. “I’m fine.”

“No banging on the glass,” a guard rumbles behind him.

Mike winces, and Harvey presses his lips together tight.

“I tried to get you leave,” he says clumsily, forcing the words out one by one. “The warden owes me a favor, I thought— I thought he might go for it.”

“‘Leave’?” Mike repeats. “Harvey, I’m not in the army.”

Fighting for my life every minute of every day, I can see how you would make that mistake.

Harvey smiles, even though it wasn’t funny. He knows it wasn’t. Mike does, too.

“I tried,” he says anyway. “I thought he’d let you out for a day, or, or a couple of hours, I wanted to take you home, just for a little while, so you could see Rachel. So you could talk, I… I thought it might help.”

I thought it might help to give you a taste of everything you’ve lost. I thought it might make you happy for a minute or two.

Mike smiles again, pulling at the split.

“Tell her I said hi,” he says.

Tell her I understand why she’s stopped coming here. Tell her I forgive her. Tell her everything’s going to be okay.

Tell her I’ll always love her, and for both our sakes, I hope we never see each other again.

Harvey kneads his finger into the corner of his eye.

“Jesus Christ.”

Mike presses his palm to the plexiglass.

“Harvey. Harvey, Harvey, hey, stop it.”

Harvey laughs into his chest, and Mike bites his bloody lip.

“You! Hands off the glass!”

Mike flinches. Maybe he will get used to it, sooner or later, maybe it’ll all become second nature before too long.

Not today.

---

Harvey isn’t the only one who cares about him. About what happens to him, about how he’s doing. About whether he lives or dies. Mike knows he isn’t. Even Harvey tells him as much, all the time, reminding him that he’s got people out there waiting for him, that he’ll be welcomed back at the firm with open arms when he gets out, that people ask about him sometimes, how he’s holding up and things. Harvey doesn’t have some kind of monopoly on giving him time and attention. Mike knows.

When he trudges out into the visitor’s room, when he picks up the phone and looks through the plexiglass, when Donna picks up the other receiver and looks back at him with a sad little smile on her face, he thinks maybe instead of sitting here, having some kind of conversation, maybe he’s going to go back to his cell and throw up.

“Hi Mike,” she says.

He swallows.

“Where’s Harvey?”

“Harvey’s fine.”

Mike narrows his eyes. That’s not what I asked.

“Where is he?”

Donna looks at him steadily, holding her shoulders back too tight.

“He’s in the hospital.”

So you’re a fucking liar, then. You lied to me.

“That doesn’t sound ‘fine.’”

No, no. Don’t be mean, Michael. It’s good of her to come and tell you in person.

“He has a stomach ulcer,” Donna says. “He’s going to be fine.”

Mike scowls.

“He doesn’t sound fine.”

Donna shakes her head.

“He is,” she says. “He will be. He needs to make sure he takes care of himself, that’s all. They gave him antibiotics, and he just needs some rest. He wanted me to come tell you what happened, he didn’t want you to worry.”

He’s looking out for you in your time of need. He only wants what’s best for you. He’s doing everything he can to help you. He’s working himself to death for you. Don’t worry about it. Everything is going to be fine.

Mike tangles the telephone cord in his fist and pulls it taut.

“God dammit,” he mutters.

Donna’s face goes sort of flat.

“How are you doing?” she asks after a minute.

Mike bangs his elbow on the edge of the table when he reaches to touch his black eye.

Oh, that’s right. These things happen, I suppose. There’s so much to keep track of, I forget about this and that.

“Don’t tell Harvey,” he says.

She sighs a sad little sigh.

Don’t worry about a thing.

---

Harvey shouldn’t be here. Harvey has a stomach ulcer, and he needs to rest. He should be at home, he should be in bed taking a nap, he should be curled up on the couch with a bowl of soup, he should be taking his antibiotics and relaxing and getting better.

Mike picks up the phone.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Harvey smiles.

“Hello to you, too.”

“Harvey.”

Harvey rests his hand on his lapel, a little too close to his heart. “I’m okay,” he says. “These things happen all the time, it’s no big deal.”

That’s a lie. You’re a fucking liar, you’re fucking lying to me. You’re lying to me to make me feel better, you’re lying to me because you don’t want me to feel useless even though I am, even though I know it, and so do you.

Mike clenches his fist in his lap and accidentally pinches a bit of skin between his fingers.

Hands off the glass, you little shit.

“Harvey,” he says, “why did you come?”

Harvey shrugs.

“I couldn’t leave you here all alone.”

Of course you could. Of course you should.

“Thank you,” he says anyway. “Thanks.”

You shouldn’t have done it, though. You shouldn’t have made this mistake. I hate that you’re making yourself sick over me, I hate that you’re putting me first. I hate myself for being grateful that you’re here.

Harvey smiles.

---

Fresh air hits different when it’s not blowing through a chain link fence.

Mike steps out through the prison door and takes a deep breath. Has the sun always been this bright? Has the light always felt so warm, the wind so soft through his hair? This big, wild stretch of nothing, of nobody, of the whole world spread out before him to go wherever he wants, do whatever he wants, be…whoever he is. This whole life stretching out before him, just waiting for him to take it.

“Hey.”

Nothing and nobody except for you and me.

He opens his eyes, narrowed against the glare, and there’s Harvey, standing in the parking lot. There’s Harvey, waiting for him to come through the gate. There’s Harvey, waiting to drive him home.

Harvey, who’s always been there.

And now it’s over, and there he is.

And here we are.

“You look good.”

You fucking liar.

Mike walks through the gate, out into the parking lot, and grabs Harvey as tight as he can and doesn’t let go.

After all this time, all these days and weeks and months, all we have is this. For a moment, for now, all I want is this.

Harvey lifts his arms and wraps them around Mike’s shoulders, and holds on. He holds on when Mike tucks his chin into the crook of his neck, and he holds on when Mike’s breath shudders like he might start crying, and he holds on when the tears almost fall, and he holds on when they don’t.

This is what I’ve been missing.

Mike presses in close and holds on tight, and Harvey doesn’t let him go.

“Mike,” Harvey murmurs. “I’m so proud of you.”

Mike grabs Harvey’s coat in his fist and presses his face against his shoulder, and Harvey rubs his hand down Mike’s back.

“You did good.”

Mike sniffles, and Harvey sighs into his hair.

“I’ve got you.”

And I always, always will.

[softer-ua]

Two Left Feet, And One In The Mouth

Pt. 1

Lying there catching his breath seething Katsuki became suddenly aware of the feeling of melting iceberg quickly soaking his back, every drop replacing his already spread thin patients

Katsuki knew he need to hurry up and fix things with Deku, that he should go change into the spare clothes he kept in his office, that he had a much better chance of winning Deku over if he played nice with his friends, and he knew Shoto was only turning his hoodie into a impromptu sponge to piss him off and distract him from actually accomplishing any of that.

He also knew that it was fucken working.

Jumping up he felt his hoodie’s new weight pulling on him, the bastard had soaked him all the way through and the hoodie's fluffy inside was only making it worse, gross dirty floor water was fast spreading all the way down his pants and even through to his front.

Kasuki was seeing red, the only thought in his head was a vision of the Icyhot bastards head on a pike.

And that's how 15 minutes later he found himself standing in the meeting room sporting a few new bruises and dripping a puddle onto the floor, as he argued with ‘Lightning Mcqueen in glasses’ that he shouldn’t have to take the sole blame for ‘blowing up half the lobby’ or the charring on the lower branches of the lobby’s new ‘just set up yesterday, took all day to decorate, Sato ate half a snickers cheesecake just to get it in here, Tamaki and Ochako were so excited to put the star on, blah blah blah’ Christmas tree.

Those were clearly fire singe marks, not explosive blowback, and he told Mirio as much as he turned to blatantly ignore Iida. He also told him it was absolutely bullshit they had a tree up in the first week of fucken November!

Katsuki didn’t care to admit most of this blustering was to avoid admitting the main reason ‘a little bit of water set off a top ranking pro’ was because his brand Fucken new, curently one of a fucken kind, limited edition Hero Deku tee was hidden under his hoodie.

It was supposed to be part of the nerds Christmas present. His dad had just given it to him last night for a trial wear before they made the actual order to have enough made in time to be advertised and auctioned off to raise funds for the nerds favorite holiday charities.

Katsuki had planned to show up to dance practice in it after patrol and then do some photos together to boost the word about the dance and the auction.

Now not only was Deku not talking to him, but if he showed Deku this gross wrinkled mess he’d probably never speak to him again. Today officially sucked and all because ChargeDolt and RedRot couldn’t keep their fucken mouths shut... and some other things that were definitely not his fault either.

Eventually Mirio and Iida seem to tire themselves out and let the group go with a warning to expect their already packed schedules to be slammed with several hours of community service and outreach.

And of course Mirio asked Katsuki had to hang back because the universe hated him today. And of course he was given some more bad news because why would anything ever be easy?

Deku had been switched to evening patrol for today with Tokoyami, and Amajiki had agreed to take his place for the first half of the morning and Uraraka would join him after lunch

Katsuki wanted to bitch that they couldn’t reschedule because they had stupid dance practice, but between Deku not wanting to talk to him, no ‘don’t stay mad at me’ surprise, not wanting to explain to Deku what happened to the lobby, and not even a half baked explanation or apology in mind for why he said what he did Katsuki just grunted his acknowledgement and went to change into his costume. If anything he was getting off easier like this. At least Amajiki was on of the few extras he could stand.

_______________________________________________

If Mirios plan for punishment was to guilt him to the core by saddling him with a semi sulking SunEater, then he was an evil genius. Cause it was working, Katsuki hadn’t felt this all around ashamed since.… well probably only like a year but still.

Amajiki was one of the few people who Katsuki actually respected as a hero and a person, not only did the fellow pro have a kick ass quirk that he used creatively but Katsuki had grown to (begrudgingly) admire the hero for how up front he was with his anxiety and how hard he worked through it. It kinda reminded him of Deku and his oddballness and how the nerd used it to his advantage to become the symbol of hope.

Katsuki had been expecting a half mumbled lecture and a maybe even prodding about therapy. The nervous nellies' unusually strong(for them) vendetta with the hero world was it's slacking in mental healthcare or whatever.

So after struggling through about four hours of sullen silence, (that was also infuriatingly familiar, apparently heroing wasn’t all the nerd had learn from his senpais), Katsuki snapped with a screech like an overly taunt fiddle string.

“I’m sorry about the fucken tree! If it’s not replaced by the time we get back I’ll do it my goddamn self, happy?!” Katsuki had been expecting Tamki to give a quiet nod or retreat into himself more, depending on how he took his offer. He definitely didn’t expect to be glared at

“You think I’m upset about the tree?” Amajiki tilted his head in confusion. Maybe they should talk about Katsuki seeing the team's therapist more. Monthly was the minimum everyone on the newly forged Heros Union of Honor had to attend but Katsuki was clearly needing more support right now. Maybe it was the holidays? A good portion of them were going biweekly now for that reason.

HUH was more than an agency. It was a newly emerging code of ethics board. You were expected to be worth the honor of being called a hero when partnered with HUH, and that meant getting your mental health to its peak was a priority.

That didn’t mean everyone (or really anyone) was perfectly mentally fit, just that mental health was a priority. Other agencies had taken notice of how differently they operated even within their first year, and since then a few had even sent their heroes through the HUH program to learn how to operate more like them. They were quickly taking up the void the Hero's Commission had left.

“I’m not upset about the tree, I’m upset because you hurt my friends and fellow hero partners-“ Amajiki was rudely cut off as he caught a gauntlet to the chest, thank god they’d gotten smaller over the years.

“He’s your business partner, he’s MY hero partner, has been since before we agreed to join this agency.” Katsuki thundered.

Why everyone on the board had to call each other partners was something Katsuki didn’t understand, but he refused to let them slip up and start tossing around the phrase Hero Partner. They were all business partners,something anyone could become. A Hero Partner was a major commitment, and Katsuki had the signed legal waivers to prove it.

Amajiki stopped and looked at Katsuki fully, really taking in his teammates' rattled appearance.

Katsuki had been doing well, dare say even flourishing within HUH, so today’s outbreak was nearly out of character at this point and still Katsuki didn’t appear to be calming down any. If anything he was only growing more tightly wound.

Yes, Amajiki was upset with Katsuki but he’d remained silent during their patrol more so the blonde could have some time to think, but it didn’t seem to have done him any good. Amajiki fought through the nervousness that crawled under his skin and begged him to just let the explosive guy be.

Mirio had asked him to talk with Katsuki, under some false impression that Katsuki respected him more, but before this moment he’d figured it was better to not butt in. He hadn’t been around when this morning’s incident happened but he could see another one brewing.

Amajiki shuffled side to side for a second considering his options. He could just send Katsuki home early, even put him on leave until he got cleared by the teams therapist. Or he could do what Mirio suggested and reach out to a struggling teammate.

Therapy was good, but therapy with a support network was better.

“GroundZero, let’s take lunch. I think we need to have a talk-“ Amajiki put up a slightly trembling hand to silence the blonde. Straightening his back and furthering his resolve he pushed forward. “-This isn’t really optional, we neeeed to have a talk, and about more than this morning's incident. I wanna talk about your hero partner.”

Katsuki’s argument died on his tongue.  He shoved his hands in his pockets with a grunt and jerked his head to signal to Amajiki to take the lead.

Katsuki knew he wasn’t gonna like what came next but he tried to reminded himself that he trusted and respected Amajiki, and that meant hearing him out when asked. It’s what Deku would do, so it’s what Katsuki would try to do.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 255: "Hospital”

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa and Present Mic found out their dead best friend Shirakumo was necromanced by All for One and Ujiko and turned into everyone’s favorite villain mom bartender M.D., Kurogiri! Gran Torino and Naomasa were all “hey you guys should talk to him and see if you can restore his memories through the power of friendship” and so they all sat down together to do that. Kurogiri was all “so tell me how is my son Shigaraki Tomura, I love him so much, he is so emo and I must protect him” and Aizawa and Mic were all “THIS GUY HASN’T CHANGED ONE IOTA” and Aizawa started crying and was all “SHIRAKUMO LET’S GET MARRIED AGAIN AND BE HEROES TOGETHER LIKE WE ALWAYS WANTED.” Oh and also we found out Aizawa only fake expelled his previous students and it was just so that he could PREPARE THEM FOR LIFE!! and afterwards they got to go back to U.A. again and live happily ever after. And so basically I’ve lost track of how many hugs Aizawa needs here now but it’s a lot.

Today on BnHA: Shiraguri’s brainwaves start going all wonky and everyone is like “OH SHIT IT’S WORKING” and Aizawa and Mic decide it’s time to shift this drama into overdrive, so they get right up against the glass and start shouting “YOU’RE OUR FRIEND!!” and stuff over and over until IT FINALLY WORKS!! and Kurogiri’s face shifts into Shirakumo’s. Somehow the effect is incredibly sad and moving rather than terrifying as fuck, but unfortunately all Kumo can manage to get out is “hospital” before his mind overloads and he passes out. Fortunately for our heroes, “hospital” is actually an awesome clue which can totally lead them to Tomura and Ujiko’s location if they play their cards right, probably! Or at least Hawks seems really psyched about it, idk. Anyway so the chapter ends with Ujiko going FULL MAD SCIENTIST and wreaking havoc on Tomura’s body in order to -- I’m pretty sure, anyway -- turn him into some kind of fully sentient ultimate high end Noumu. Welllllll shit.

so that sure was a fun little wrinkle last week, huh. the two biggest scanlators deciding that in the spirit of the holidays, they were going to stop translating WSJ series and instead support the official releases out of the goodness of their hearts and definitely not at all because Shueisha was eyeing them threateningly and making little throat-slitting gestures. that was a ride. these are interesting times lol

but at any rate, if this is how it’s going to be for now then I’ll adjust! it is nice to have everyone support the official release, and obviously the image quality is way better, and Caleb’s translations are by and large pretty good. and obviously we’ll get used to reading the chapter on Sundays instead of Fridays (hell, I remember when the SJ leaks still came out on Wednesdays, so it’s not like we haven’t done this same old song and dance before lol). but Friday did happen to be a more convenient day for my schedule personally, so it might take a bit of adjusting for me to figure out what my posting schedule is going to be moving forward

anyways so I’m sorry this recap is so ridiculously late, but here we go at last!

so the Tartarus guard, who by the way is very clearly Seiji’s dad (WHEN ARE THE SHIKETSU KIDS COMING BACK), is tapping frantically at his touch screen even though it’s not doing anything, and he says he’s detecting unusual brainwaves. omg

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT MEANS, OBVIOUSLY THEY UNLOCKED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, MAN! THEY DID IT

omfg. the guard just says “he’s agitated.” I’m going to need you to have more hype than that my good sir. please

holy shit Nao

attention everyone, HAS ANYONE SEEN NAOMASA’S FUCKING CHILL, BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE FUCKING MISPLACED THAT SHIT. someone please explain to this man that there is a time and a place to play good cop bad cop and this is not it. “oh, Shirakumo is starting to recover his memories? well then [busts into the prison cell and grabs him by the collar and slams him against the wall] WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!?”

(ETA: so apparently Nao’s detective instincts are cleverer than mine. he saw that Kumo was potentially going to emerge, but probably not for long, so he gave him the most important question so he could focus on answering that. good job! still not a lot of chill but hey.)

meanwhile Aizawa is all “if what they said is true I’m looking at my friend’s corpse”, while still crying by the way, and yeah, so MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. this year Santa decided to change it up and just make everyone real sad. happy holidays

lord he’s leaping to his feet and shouting “WHO DID THIS TO YOU”

meanwhile I can’t stop staring at Present Mic with his tongue sticking out. why are you sticking your tongue out. why are anime characters like this. you know, Stain also used to stick his tongue out. Present Mic U.A. traitor confirmed

also!! so many people have beef with Ujiko, though! pretty soon they will have to take a number and get in line

oh no Kumogiri is malfunctioning

Aizawa’s all “ANSWER ME SHIRAKUMO” and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS

I HAVE NEVER SEEN AIZAWA SHOUTA SO INTENSE AND I CAN’T TEAR MY EYES AWAY FROM THE SCREEN AHHHHH

so there’s some more of “WE WANTED TO BE HEROES TOGETHER” and “YOUR NAME IS SHIRAKUMO OBORO” and all of that other “SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY” stuff, and you’re damn right I am eating ALL THAT SHIT right up, hell yes. IT’S A TROPE FOR A REASON PEOPLE

oh my god

bwo...hh...?

(ETA: I feel like I should explain that although I have a subscription to Viz, I really hate how their chapter viewer is set up, so I read the chapter on one of the vertical scroll-to-read sites instead. I prefer scroll-to-read for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one is so that I can read the chapter slowly (since I’m writing as I go) without spoiling what’s in the next panel. that being said, this next page is one of the few where Viz obviously got it right, so I’ll be posting the full image.)

SDFLSDLFKHSDLKJGOISDJFOSK

（┐° o °  ┐） ( ｣｡╹o╹｡)｣

feelingsfeelingsfeelingsFEELINGS

(ETA: on a reread I am fascinated by the fact that that bandage on his nose actually seems to be A PERMANENT PART OF HIS FACE APPARENTLY lol what.)

READ THE FUCKING ROOM, DUDE. also look how tiny Gran Torino is. he thought we wouldn’t notice through all of our tears. but we did. would you like me to fetch you a box

ha ha ha so now back to the drama

heh so anyway, the fact that this smoke Shirakumo face still looks like a child is straight up destroying me. how are you guys. how is everyone. feliz navidad

FKSLDJSLK HOLD UP

IS HE TRYING TO SAY “SHOUTA”, I CAN’T, I’M?!?!!!!

ADSLFKJALSKDJW

(ETA: I think you can see Shirakumo’s eye rolling back here as he fights against the brainwashing omg. this chapter’s fucking art, though.)

YESSSSSS you keep on ticking off that checklist of clichés, Horikoshi!! I’m so weak for this shit it’s not even funny. actually that’s not true, this plotline is usually hit or miss with me, but I’ll tell you what though, if there’s one guaranteed way to have me freaking the fuck out rather than sighing and rolling my eyes, it’s to have AIZAWA FUCKING SHOUTA be the one pounding on the wall of glass and screaming at his former lover to fight the layers of conditioning waging war on his mind. ohhhhhh god

lol the brainwave detecting screen is losing its fucking shit also and beeping like crazy. this tension is so thick you could plant a flag in it yeesh

is this Kumo remembering stuff??!

(ETA: thank you to the anon who pointed out I posted the wrong image earlier lol.)

why do shounen characters always recall events from a third-person camera view. curse this ambiguous flashback

AHHHHH

HOSPITALLLL ahh what??? “SHOUTA, HOSPITAL.” oh my god. Shirakumo I commend you for not having your first words after dying and being brought back to life and brainwashed for 15 years and then waking up in a straitjacket in a prison cell be, “FUCK ME OH FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK.” you and I are very different people but I respect that

HOLY SHIT HIS HEAD EXPLODED

so now everyone’s freaking out and we’re zooming in on Kumo’s eye again. by the way this is going to kill me when it’s animated oh god

OH NO THE PANEL WENT BLACK AND IT GOT ALL SILENT

(ETA: hmm I don’t think Caleb Cook knows what “whump” means nowadays. whump is what I wish we had here. instead it’s just lots of hurt but very little comfort. JUST LOTS OF PAIN AND SADNESS.)

Horikoshi please have mercy oh lord. also I see their hands touching, you. they honestly should be gripping each other fucking white-knuckled, this is all very traumatic. I think that if Shouta was holding Mic’s hand while his other hand was pressed against the glass I would probably start sobbing for real

what the fuck

did they knock him back out?? they seem really calm and optimistic about all this lol

oh godddddd

HE’S NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING SHUT UP. GOD, MIC, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE HIM A HUG ALREADY??

so now they’re bidding farewell to Nao and Gran -- and HOLY SHIT --

okay hold up -- I just realized -- Kumo was trying to give them a hint about Ujiko’s location. holy shiiiiit. PLEASE START INVESTIGATING HOSPITALS, NAO AND GRAN. holy shit the Noumu arc is heating uppppp

Aizawa’s asking what’s happening with Kurogiri now, and I feel like he maybe should have asked that immediately after the fact rather than as an afterthought while they were getting ready to leave but okay

Nao says he kind of “short-circuited or something” and yeah that tracks with what we saw. though it sure does make that “THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY FOLKS, GOOD JOB BOYS, YOU GET A GOLD STAR” business just SUPER WEIRD though, but let’s be real, Nao has been swinging and missing with striking the right tone all day today

and now Gran is apologizing to Mic and Aizawa for the exquisite emotional torture he just put them through, but he says something is bound to come from it. WELL YEAH NO SHIT IT HAD GODDAMN BETTER

Aizawa apparently hasn’t run out of sad/tired/haunted expressions yet, if you can believe it

pretty soon everyone is going to be sad, tired, and traumatized! heh. it’s going to be so fucked up hahaha crying smiling emojiiiii

oh hey and we’re cutting to another flashback of AFO doing what he does best, being callously dismissive of human lives!

this guy. right here. is a rat bastard. for real. also Horikoshi sure picked a hell of a chapter to go all out on the art again, jesus. this is probably the first time I’ve looked at AFO’s fucked up face and actually thought “yep, that’s a mutilated human man” rather than “shouldn’t you be out floating in space with your asteroid friends trying to smash the Millennium Falcon?” so anyways yeah this panel is a big NOPE from me, thank you

but on the other hand, when Horikoshi uses those art powers for good, such as carefully penciling in every last individual hair of Aizawa’s perpetual five o’clock shadow, that I don’t mind so much!

yes. yes good

so now they’re vrooming off, and we’re hanging back with Gran and Nao for a minute

YESSSSS GOOD JOB NAO!!

looooool it’s ringing up the head of the HPSC and her phone’s buzzing and she’s giving it this hella dramatic look. like this is some patented Todoroki-level dramatic whooshing right here

that’s just how dramatic this entire arc is going to be, hopefully

WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW

IS THAT A CODED MESSAGE FOR HIM TO GO CHECK OUT THE HOSPITAL. AND HOW BUSY ARE YOU, HAWKS. ARE YOU THE “I AM IN SOME DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE” KIND OF BUSY, OR JUST THE STAYING-IN-CHARACTER KIND OF BUSY. YOU CASUAL BASTARD, WHO CAN EVEN TELL WITH YOU, I’LL JUST HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN TO SEE

oh hh my go

“LITTLE LATE TO ASK ABOUT THIS STUFF” so he comes from the Bakugou Katsuki school of tutoring, eh

I love that he actually followed through on explaining the PLF’s philosophy to Twice. and Twice is such a good boy. he’s studying so diligently. look, he didn’t ask to join a doomsday cult, it just kind of happened so now he’s just doing his best to figure it all out

and it definitely was a coded message, then. smoooooth, HPSC lady, smooth. so I wonder if the fact that she gave him a specific hospital implies a time jump. because I don’t think she’d have him investigate just any old hospital until they had a better lead and/or a more solid idea of what they were looking for

lol what the fuck

well I sure do not have any idea what this man is talking about

-- HOSDFLKJDLY SHIT WE’RE CUTTING TO UJIKO WE ARE CUTTING TO FUCKING UJIKO RED FUCKING ALERT!!!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT TOMURA I’M NOT CALMMMMMMMM AHHHHHH

FUCCKLKL FUCK THE WHAT HOLY SHIT WHAT DID HE DO

oh my god oh my god oh m

he made Tomura a Noumu. holy fucking shit that’s what he did. of course. so he’ll be able to possess multiple quirks, but because he benefits from Ujiko’s years of high end Noumu research, his sense of self will remain intact

AND DOESN’T THIS PROCESS JUST LOOK EVER SO PLEASANT. jesus christ. he’s not even allowed to lie down, for some reason this procedure can only be done while he’s hovering over the bed Exorcist-style with his mouth locked open in a silent scream (ETA: or is that actually his laughter we’re seeing?? because this panel wasn’t raw enough already I guess??) while random spurts of blood come chucking out all over the place. well that’s just

and Tomura fucking volunteered for this. how many scores of others didn’t?? holy fucking shit Ujiko. it’s not easy to be the most evil man in a chapter where a foil-wrapped potato with eye holes started waxing poetic about all the children he harvested and killed like some kind of bloodthirsty sommelier, but YOU FOUND A WAY. dancing a fucking jig while your so-called masterpiece is being gruesomely tortured in the foreground. man if there’s any justice in the world, we’ll find out in this arc that Ujiko used science to make himself immortal so that once he’s finally captured they can just keep killing him over and over again. I do not like him!!

so that’s it! we really are doing this thing, holy shit. Noumu arc here we come. see you guys next decade har dee har

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #438

“i won’t let you die, keep you alive just to remind you of what you are not”

What is your favorite card game? Probably Magic: The Gathering, even though I'm not great at it. I just ADORE the artwork, mainly. Is YouTube one of your favorite websites? Yeah, given I'm constantly on it. Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name? Yeah, named Kelly. What are you doing tomorrow? I'll be going with Mom to the pool at the gym. She goes Tuesdays and Thursday, so I'm going to start joining her to help ease soreness from my exercise days. Would you ever want to go to Africa? It's high on my bucket list! I am DESPERATE to visit the KMP and photograph and pet and pamper the meerkats. :') Last time you went bowling? Not since I was on a date with Girt. Would you ever want to own a bakery? Noooo, I don't enjoy cooking of any sort. I'm way too impatient. Do you like to text? It's funny, I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I make typos too much and autocorrect only wants to work at the WRONG time, it seems. I'd still rather text than actually talk on the phone, though. You want your next pet to be what? To be realistic, it'll probably be a western hognose snake. I REALLY want a tarantula, but Mom absolutely will not allow it for as long as I live with her, lol. Trust me, I've pestered her about it. Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Eh, probably a vampire. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Black. Do you like Nerds candy? Yeah. Is your favorite animal something you can have as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why you absolutely shouldn't, but it's sadly legal in some countries. Thankfully, not America. What was the last classic novel you read? Did you enjoy it? Oh yikes, I have no idea. Name three movies which have a soundtrack you really love: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Tarzan, and The Blair Witch Project: Book of Shadows. What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I know it's super cliche, but I genuinely found Outlast terrifying. As well, SCP Containment Breach is a game I can't even play because the jumpscares startle me too much, lol. They're just too loud. Do you own any pet fish? What kind of fish are they? No. I'm not really interested in keeping fish as pets. What is the most irritating thing that a boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done to you? Tyler wanted to talk CONSTANTLY. Barely even two weeks in and he got all bent out of shape over there being days we just didn't text. Like dude, especially this early in a relationship, I don't want to talk 24/7. He acted like we were together for years or some shit. Like sorry I want alone time. That relationship was just a bad idea. Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? Sadly. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Probably Girt. He's just in general very smart. When yawning, do you cover your mouth? If out in public, yes. If you had a garden, what would you plant in it? Would you actually tend to it, or would it wind up neglected & withered? I could NEVER maintain a garden, but if I had the motivation and tolerance for the heat, that'd be nice. I'd love mostly flowers, and a grapevine would be pretty! Plus some strawberries. Do you like peanut butter? Yeah, definitely. What about marshmallows? Yep. How do you roast your marshmallows? They have to be BARELY brown at all. Like it has to be the liiightest toast. Do you eat s’mores? Ugh, hell yes. I really want some now, thanks. Own a lava lamp? No, but I'd love a pink one. :( Or black. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. Ever done something sexual in public? No, I have common decency. Do you like the taste of squid or eel? I COULD FUCKING NEVER TRY EITHER. Slimy or rubbery stuff like that is such a massive no. Ever date anybody in middle school? Yeah, Aaron in the 7th grade for a few months. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? I think I did. Like I know I loved speeding through mud puddles on my bike as a kid. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I have a lot of dragon decor. Ever wanted to be a vet? Yep. Ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? If so, did anyone actually call you? No. What type of weapon do you prefer? Uh, none...? I don't like weapons. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No, not really. Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? The latter, by far. I used to love that show. I really enjoy watching dances. Have you ever worn boxers? Pretty sure no? Last hickey was from? I've only gotten to that point with one person, you can figure it out. Have you ever put a kick me sign on the back of someone? No, that is so rude. Are there any inappropriate pictures of you anywhere? No. I've never taken an inappropriate picture. How many times do you tend to sneeze in a row? Two or three. Karma; believe or don’t? I don't believe it's a thing. I wish it was. Ever changed a diaper? Once. Or maybe twice? No plans on ever doing that again. When you see anything smaller than a quarter on the ground, do you pick it up? I don't even pick quarters up, really. Can bald guys ever be attractive? Um, yes? Do you like hugs? Yessss. Would you ever donate blood? Yeah, I have before. I'd just have to get better about drinking water so I don't faint. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home? You make that sound so scandalous, lmao. Yeah. What is the last song to make you cry? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yeah. Have you kissed someone with braces? No. Are you anyone’s first love? I don't believe so. Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? I'M LOSING WEIGHTTTTTT. :') The gym is paying off! Is there a person of the opposite gender on your mind? That's kinda a permanent thing. He's always there, even if only in the back. Who was the last person to wink at you? My cat, ha ha. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes. Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? REALLY close friends, nope. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? ... You know it's 2021, right???? This never should have been controversial. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? Well, there's caffeine... When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? No. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? I don't recall. Do you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” in order to avoid offending people who don’t celebrate Christmas? I honestly just say "merry Christmas." Have you ever made/played with a sock puppet before? Yes. Have you ever seen a waterfall (aside from in a fountain or other manmade things)? Only small ones. Are you a frequent sufferer of heartburn? Yes; I actually have a prescription for chronic heartburn. If I don't take it, I'll get heartburn to the point I come near tears. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Ha, not a lot at all. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I'm 25 and feel like I've just... wasted so much, and I continue to. I never thought I'd make it to this age and to have gone so short a distance in terms of being a successful adult. Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? I've stopped being friends with people, yes. Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It 120% is. Do you think you will die happy? To be honest... I think no a lot of the time. Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah. Are you a submissive person? Very. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. What are your views on the death penalty? I support it in extreme cases. Once you prove to be a thorough monster that deeply endangers other humans... you don't deserve life. We as a society have to work together, not destroy one another. Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yeah! I like the thrill of them. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No; I am FAR too picky with my food. I want to be vegan, but I just wouldn't survive. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a whole story based around some plastic dinosaurs, alligators, deer, and Pokemon figurines. Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? Brianna. I don't know what my favorite memory is... We made a lot. We're Facebook friends, but we don't talk anymore. Would you rather hang out with someone who is always high or someone who constantly wants to get drunk all the time? High, I guess. Drunk people I think get sloppier and, in some cases, angry. The (few) high people I've been around have just been chill and friendly. How did you meet your newest friend? I'm not entirely sure who I consider to be my newest friend. The last time you kissed someone, were your arms around their neck? I don't think so? I'm pretty sure I was just hugging her around the waist. You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get? I've mentioned how I wanna get my nose re-pierced in multiple surveys. Do you straighten your hair? No. When is the next time you will see the person you like? Who knows, dude. I really want to be able to walk for two minutes without feeling like I'm dying before I go to an airport again, and even more importantly, even as a fully-vaccinated person, I want Covid to chill out before I travel again. And who the fuck knows when that'll be since people don't want to listen to goddamn professionals. Did you get to sleep in today? I actually slept through my alarm and was late to gym today. :x Your first dog? I was born into the family with a collie named Trigger, but she passed when I was a baby, so I don't have any memories of her. We got what I want to say was a Rottweiler mix named Angel at one point, who I consider our first family dog, but she was born with that disease that some puppies have where they just... die. Who I consider MY first REAL dog was Teddy. <3 Stood loyally by my side as my furry son and most devoted friend for around 13 years. Do you prefer mint, citrus, or cinnamon toothpaste? Mint. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm always hot. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Have you ever had feelings for someone and thought “This is the person I want to be with forever”? Yeah, twice. Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Of course! Have you had a significant other that you never kissed? Well, boyfriends, but I wouldn't count the ones I haven't kissed as truly "significant other"s. Has anybody ever dated you only for your looks? I don't think so. Do you have any handshakes with anybody? Nah. What are you listening to? "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White & Jonathan Davis. Would you take back your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne. Since middle school. Who is your favorite author? I don't have a fave. Do you like cheesecake? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How did you meet the last person you kissed? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Do you wake up cranky? Not usually, no. I'm actually in my best mood in the morning. Have you ever met your favorite band/singer? No, but holy fuck would that be awesome. I want to thank him for his music so badly. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)? Yeah. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes, but not this one. Do chickens have feelings? Yes. Have you ever been to a spa? Yeah, even though I really wasn't interested. I just went with Colleen because she invited me. I appreciated her wanting to hang out and include me of course, so I was happy to go, but it's not something I'd do of my own volition. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? The lemonade. Favorite South Park character? I don't have one, given I'm not interested in the show. How often do you have to shave? When/where I shave grows back FAST, so frequently. Ever go ghost hunting? No but omg I'd love to. Someone date me just to go do this together one night lmao. Do you have any family in the military? No. Can you talk to your mother about most things? I know I CAN talk to her about absolutely everything, but I don't always. Would you ever homeschool your children? If they wanted it and it'd be beneficial to their health and educational success, then yes. Are you afraid of change? Oh boy, am I. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I'll go with The Outsiders, in which case I remember it was Dally.

[artificialqueens]

Aloha, Part 1: Sand Angels (Bitney) - Veronica

A/N: An Undone sequel that probably makes more sense if you’ve read the main story, set during the holidays, while Bianca is still pregnant with Ruby. Here’s a link to the story on AQ and here’s a link to it on AO3.

Summary: Courtney and Bianca spend Christmas in Maui, discovering their new favorite spot.

(Thank you to @artificialpuddle for being an amazingly patient beta!!) 

TW: Discussion of past emotional abuse, trauma, and physical violence. (Side note: I know I said that these sequels would be fluffy, and they mostly are, but this is set before the end of the main story, so uh...we still got some major issues to work out.)

***

Bianca is exhausted by the time they wrap on season two of Silver Screens. She’s already embroiled in litigation with Jared’s family over exactly what’s happening with, not only his money, but their joint property. She’s considered giving up, just letting them win so that she can walk away, but ultimately, none of it is for her. Every time she looks down at her growing belly, she remembers who she’s fighting for, and it fuels her anger and her determination.

However, it’s draining. And she’s now almost six months pregnant, and the idea of flying to New Orleans for the holidays just sounds horrible. She knows that her family means well, but the constant checking up, the absolutely nonstop advice and questions, make it all worse.

After confiding all of these concerns to Bob, her therapist makes another suggestion: why not go somewhere else? A real vacation, just her and Courtney, somewhere they can truly get away from everything stressful and take some time for themselves?

She’s still not sure, but then she mentions the idea to Courtney, who is 200% on board, and by the end of the week, they’ve got flights to Maui, a hotel booked, and two weeks of pure, blissful lazing around time. Which all sounds wonderful in theory, but Bianca can’t help feeling a bit guilty about ditching her family.

However, the second her feet hit that white, powdery sand, she sighs in relief, turning to Courtney with a dimpled grin.

“Okay, you and Bob were right. Coming here was the right decision.”

Courtney leans forward to brush a gentle kiss against her lips.

“I suppose you don’t wanna race to the water,” she murmurs.

“I’ll race you when I’m not the size of a goddamn whale,” Bianca says, and Courtney giggles softly against her neck.

“Don’t even start, you know you’re perfect…”

A gentle tug pulls Bianca towards the ocean, which is warm and calm and as the waves lap against Bianca’s thighs, she starts to feel perfectly at ease.

“God, it’s beautiful…” Bianca sighs, staring out at the sparkling water.

“Sure is,” Courtney says, only she’s not looking at the scenery. Her eyes are fixated on Bianca’s face, watching her with a dreamy expression as a cool breeze blows her hair around.

Bianca tightens her grip on Courtney’s hand, trying to tell her without words how grateful she is, how lucky she feels. And Courtney seems to understand, pulling her close and wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Aloha…” she sings softly, and Bianca shakes her head, the smile on her face feeling permanent by now.

“Aloha yourself, cheeseball.”

***

Later, laying on a towel in the warm sand, Bianca sighs happily. She hasn’t been this relaxed in ages. Years, maybe. And the best part is that she has Courtney by her side, face tilted to the sun. She reaches languidly for her.

Courtney turns, gazing down at Bianca, and wraps a lock of still-damp dark brown hair around her finger.

“How are you feeling?” she asks softly, and Bianca smiles.

“Relieved...that we’re finally here.”

The past few months have been rough. Sometimes excruciatingly so. Courtney knows that no matter how hard Bianca tried to take things one day at a time, to not get so caught up in worrying about outcomes, that most of the time her mind was racing a mile a minute.

But now, there’s only the gentle breeze, the sound of rolling waves and the occasional bird, the fragrant air. It’s truly paradise, especially when Courtney’s lips find Bianca’s for a slow kiss, one hand resting on her belly.

“She’s kicking up a storm today,” Bianca says. “I guess we forgot to tell her that this is the chill zone.”

Courtney giggles, rubbing her belly in slow circles.

“Maybe she just heard how nice it is and wants to come join us.”

“You think she gets yelp reviews in there?” Bianca asks.

“Listen, this new generation is very technologically advanced. You have no idea.”

“That’s terrifying.” Bianca pulls Courtney in for another kiss, the baby kicking again.

“Wow, Dame Edna Del Rio really likes it here,” Courtney giggles.

“We both do. Thank you for suggesting this,” Bianca says, thumb stroking Courtney’s cheek lightly.

“All I want is for you to be happy…” Courtney tells her, seeking out her pulse point for another kiss that leaves her tingling.

And in that moment, Bianca is happy. Truly, deliriously happy.

It can’t last forever though--that feeling of perfect calm. The lovely bubble has to pop sometime. It does, of course, only a little while later, as they’re strolling on the beach hand in hand.

“I really worry about you sometimes,” Courtney admits, fingers laced with hers.

“You don’t have to worry.”

“But you’ve been through so much. You must have so much you need to deal with, and I just want you to know that you don’t have to do it alone.”

“I don’t want to spend all our time together talking about my stupid trauma,” Bianca says.

“I get that. But B, it doesn’t have to be all the time. Just sometimes. When you need to-”

“Can’t we just enjoy the fucking sunset?” Bianca groans. She stops, turning to face the water, watching the golden rays reflecting off the waves.

“Sure.” Courtney wraps her arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to her neck, letting Bianca lean back into her touch.

It goes on like that for a few days. Any time Courtney tries to get deep with her, Bianca deftly changes the subject, cajoles her to live in the moment, or simply distracts her with physical affection. After awhile, Courtney catches onto her game.

They’re snuggled in bed after a long and wonderful day--exploring the island in the morning, followed by a lively Christmas luau. Courtney’s fingers card gently through her hair. Bianca’s face is tucked into her neck, inhaling her, almost sinfully relaxed, when she brings it up again.

“B…”

“Mmm?”

“I’ve been thinking about Jared.”

Bianca’s eyes pop open, spine going rigid. That’s not the name she wants to hear right now.

“Do you ever like...miss him?”

“No.”

Bianca’s hands slide around Courtney’s waist, pulling her closer.

“It would be okay if you did, you know-”

“I know, but I don’t.”

“Sometimes I feel really guilty. Like maybe if I wasn’t around, you’d have...I don’t know.” Courtney sighed.  

“Stayed with him? Lived happily ever after? Are you fucking nuts?”

“No, of course not, but maybe it wouldn’t have ended in such a terrible way.”

“You know what would be more fun than this conversation?” Bianca asked, fingers digging into her waist. “You and me, fucking and then getting into that spa shower.”

“Bianca.”

“What?” Bianca’s lips have found her pulse point now, nibbling teasingly on her most sensitive spot.

“Just stop for a second,” Courtney says, wriggling away slightly. “I’m trying to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I know, but you never want to talk about it, so-”

“Why can’t we just have sex instead?” Bianca whines, tugging on Courtney’s shorts. She purses her lips, giving her sexiest bedroom eyes. “I’ll make it worth your while…”

“Bianca! Stop.”

“Is this because I’m fat?”

Courtney rolls her eyes to the ceiling, seems to say a little prayer to herself before replying, “Do not even try that bullshit, you know damn well-”

“It is! I’m fat and hideous!” Bianca exclaims, hoisting herself off the bed, pacing around the room like a madwoman.

“B, come on, I’m serious…”

“So am I! I’m trying to fuck you, but all you want to do is talk, and-” Bianca stops. It’s the cheapest sort of deflection, the kind of game she used to play with Jared. Worse, it was the kind of game Jared used to play with her. Gaslighting.

The only upside, the only thing that prevents her from completely losing it, is that Courtney, for all her softness, is not buying one bit. Bianca suddenly feels as gross and hideous as she’s pretending to, all at once. Tears spilling down her cheeks.

Courtney waits, letting her have her little tantrum. When she finally returns to the bed, sinking down next to Courtney with her head in her hands, she feels fingers trailing gently up her spine.

A soft voice whispers, “I would love to know what you’re thinking right now, B. Really.”

Bianca looks up, her tear-stained cheeks blotchy, eyes red and swollen. She opens her mouth, but it still won’t come. Courtney takes her hands, kisses her fingers, keeps waiting.  

“I’m a terrible person,” Bianca finally says.  

Courtney has a pained expression on her face, like she’s doing everything she can to listen without arguing. She finally settles on, “Why do you think that?”

“Because I’m happy. I really am. And the more time goes by, the happier I am. He’s dead, and all I can think is...I’m fucking free. We’re free. This baby, she never has to know...”

Tears are falling faster now, blurring her vision. Courtney doesn’t say anything, just holds her for the longest time. When Bianca finally lifts her head, Courtney silently helps her to her feet, tugs her toward the door.

“Where are we going?” Bianca asks, but follows easily, wiping her eyes.

They’re both barefoot, walking down the stone path to the beach, powdery soft sand cool in the moonlight. The edge of the sky is still slightly glowing from the recently set sun, streaks of violet and dusty orange, the whole beach calm and beautiful, in that ethereal way where you can’t quite believe it’s real.

Courtney reaches the edge of the water and sits, helping Bianca down beside her. She stretches out her legs, letting the waves lick gently at her feet, tilting her face towards the sky, the glittering stars just beginning to appear.

“You’re not a terrible person, Bianca,” she finally says. “You’re just...a person.”

“And we’re all sinners? Is that it?”

“No. No, that’s not it at all. You’re a person, with flaws, but those flaws do not include a desire to hurt other people.”

“But I did.”

“You were just fighting for your life. Fighting for my life. The fact that we were even in that position--none of it was your fault. You’d worked so, so hard to avoid anything like it. I saw you.”

“Sometimes I worry that I’m...some kind of sociopath. Because I’m so glad he’s gone, and I...I can’t make myself feel anything different.” The tears are flowing freely down her cheeks again. Sometimes Bianca tries to fathom how she has any tears left about this, after the rivers and oceans she’s already cried. And this from someone who always described herself as ‘not really a big crier.’ Maybe a better description would be ‘generally out of touch with her emotions.’

“Do you think I’d be with you if you were violent? Dangerous?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look, I’m not saying you’re perfect. Nobody is. But every flaw, every little weird idiosyncrasy...all of that makes you who you are, and who you are…”

Courtney edges closer, taking Bianca’s chin and tilting it towards her.

“I love you so fucking much, B. And it’s not because I’m some kind of sadist. It’s because you make me…” Courtney bites her lip, a crease furrowing her brow.

“Frustrated?” Bianca tries to break the tension, as much as she can with tears still glistening on her cheeks, falling faster than she can wipe them away.

“No,” Courtney counters. “I mean, yes, sometimes, but also...hopeful. And appreciated. And challenged. And...so fucking happy.”

“Even tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Even though I brought a whole world of chaos into your life?”

“Look at where we are.” Courtney gestures to their surroundings. “If you think I would trade away one second of this, of our lives right now, just to avoid some of that chaos, then...you don’t know me very well.”

Bianca swallows, looking at Courtney’s eyes burning bright in the moonlight, and she knows. She knows it’s true because she feels the same way. But she’s too mentally exhausted to explain how much she needed that reassurance. So instead, she finally just nods.

“Yeah.”

Courtney smiles and orders, “Lie back.”

“What? Why?”

“We’re gonna make sand angels.”

“Sand angels are not a thing, Courtney.”

“Yes they are! They’re a time-honored Australian Christmas tradition, just go with it.”

Bianca laughs softly, spreading her arms and legs, feeling ridiculous and childish and almost giddy. Not that she stops complaining.

“We’re too close to the water. They’re just gonna wash away, like, immediately.”

“Yeah, well…” Courtney gets up, drawing halos over first her own angel, and then Bianca’s, kneeling above her head, giving her an upside-down grin in the process. “That doesn’t mean they weren’t beautiful while they were here.”

“You’re so deep,” Bianca teases.

“I know, right? Sooooore deep. You’re very lucky.”

Bianca laughs, feels something akin to a knot unwinding in her chest, making her feel lighter. Younger. She sits up and spins around, grabbing Courtney’s face and pulling her in for a messy, slightly sandy and very salty kiss.

“I am.”

[renlimotroll]

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Mintosu × Siruko (side), one-sided Limone-sensei x Siruko (main)

Summary: It's not the butterflies that tell Sensei that he's in love. It was the death by a thousand cuts.

Tags: angst, heavy angst!!!, endgame MinSiru wedding, long fic, unrequited love

Warning: BL, Cursing, Imagination, but I like to keep my characterization 80% canon.

Ren's notes:

Before you read this, I want to say that this is Sensei’s POV, so the MinSiru moments will come across as sad and painful. I love Siruko-san, Mintosu-san and Limone-Sensei equally, and this is only just a story, okay? Please come into the story with an open mind and finish it with no attachments. Also, ready your heart.

I woke up at 3am and started writing this because all my best thoughts come at 3am. I was supposed to write cutesy, romantic Christmas stories, but when inspiration hits, it hits. This story is 100% MinSiru because no matter how pseudo-canon LimoSiru is, it's not what people want (wow, bitter Ren is bitter).

This story might be controversial, so I spent a week debating whether to publish it or not, but after all the hard work and me trying to be poetic, it would be a waste to keep it in my folders.

I'd like to thank Taylor Swift for possessing me with her poetic ghost. I listened to "The Moment I Knew", a song about her bf not coming to her birthday party, and was filled with so much angst because it hit home too much.

Please enjoy and don't blame me for your holiday blues!!

This story didn't have a happy ending.

Because the moment Limone-sensei realized he had fallen in love, he knew he was screwed big time. And it won't end well for him. 

But that was okay, because all he wanted was for this person's happiness. This person deserved it more than anyone else in the world, and Limone-sensei will do everything in his power to make sure he gets it.

He being Siruko-san.

He didn’t like them, at first. Limone was a possessive, jealous friend, and when he learned Hana-chan met new gaming friends, his first instinct was to shoot them. But how could anyone not love Siruko-san? He had a beautiful soul, a kindness rare to the human race. Siruko-san was the kind of person who could bring a group of people of different personalities together and make them all get along well. It was really easy to fall for someone like him, and no matter how hard Sensei tried not to, it just happened. 

After that, it was death by a thousand cuts.

The first cut came out when they were shooting a video. He always looked forward to the four of them shooting, because that meant he could see Siruko-san. But something about the Bintroll leader was off, had been off for days actually. Sensei knew because Sensei watches all his live streams when he can, and he was observant. It made Sensei’s heart weak, but because they weren't that close and they didn't have the same level of friendship Siruko had with Mintosu-san, Sensei couldn't just LINE him and say, "Hey, is something wrong with you?" But something happens with the Minecraft trap he was making for Hana-chan, and his first thought was, I can use this as an excuse. So he calls Siruko-san and all is saved, and after that they start to communicate more, outside the games they play for Hana-chan's channel.

Sensei's plan to get closer to Siruko-san fails, because the more time he spends chatting with him, the more he gets to know Siruko-san, the more he falls in love. They text almost everyday; they VC on nights they both couldn't sleep, on days something good happens and they both wanted someone to share it with. And then Sensei realizes something that'll break his heart forever.

One day, after Hana-chan wrapped up the first Atsumori video of them, and Sensei and Siruko moved to private messaging on Discord and continue to chat and talk like they always do after each shoot (sometimes about editing and most times about nothing), Sensei thought it was time.

"Siruko-san."

"Hm?" The purple head answered absent-mindedly. Because they're on a video call, like they've done most times now actually, Sensei could see his beautiful purple eyes fixed on something in his monitor. He's reading the comments on the latest Bintroll video, and Sensei always finds it endearing that he's always liking all the comments. Sensei does read his comments too, but he thinks it's too troublesome to like all of it. It's just not his style.

Sensei decided it's now-or-never. "You like Mintosu-san, don't you?"

Siruko stopped scrolling, eyes shifting to the webcam. Sensei kept a straight face, fakes being detached and indifferent to the reply, but it's something he already knew. He's seen it in the way Siruko-san almost always talks about Mintosu-san when they voice call, in the way that he's always so soft and patient for Mintosu-san. Sensei saw Siruko scrambling for an answer in a panic and took that as a confirmation, even as Siruko-san started to deny it.

"W-what's gotten into you Sense--? O-of course not!! I-what made you say that? Mouuu, is this a prank?? Stop joking with me Sense-- hidoi yo!"

Sensei rolled his eyes for effect, but his chest is heavy with something he can't explain. "You're a fucking idiot. Just spit it out, okay? I know it. Don’t make a fool of me."

"I really dont!" Siruko vehemently opposed it. A moment later, he gave up and sighed in defeat, because Sensei always saw right through him. "I-is it obvious?"

Very, Sensei thought, but instead he went with, "I don't think Mintosu-san knows. That guy is as dense as the air itself."

They fell into silence, and Limone-sensei was very sure right now that Siruko was thinking of the green robot. His heart told him, “No, don't say it, don't do it Limone!!”, but since when has he listened to his heart? So he said to Siruko-san, "You should confess."

"E-EHHHH?!?!"

"Tell him what you feel, Siruko-san."

"I-uhhh… Minben-san is not…. And I c-can't… uuummmmm…."

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop being a fucking coward, okay? If Mintosu-san accepts your feelings, then good. If he rejects you, then you'll learn how to move on. But I won't let you just keep this to yourself." Limone face-palmed himself internally, thinking hard about how he’s such a fucking liar and a hypocrite. The wide, scared puppy eyes Siruko-san is showing melted his heart. It's his weakness. But Sensei never gave in to any of his weaknesses. "I've watched all your videos and we've been friends for a long enough time for me to be sure that you love him, Siruko-san."

"But… but what if Minben-san..." Siruko whispered with this lost, desperate voice, and Sensei gritted his teeth to keep himself from falling apart. He had to do the right thing, even if it meant ruining himself.

"You'll never know if you never try. That's why you need to do something about this, instead of carrying it in your heart all the time. At the very least, it'll give you answers." Siruko looked so unsure, and Sensei knew he's thinking that Minben-san will never like him, that he's thinking bad thoughts about himself, and Sensei won't let Siruko belittle himself again. "Stop overthinking this! It's all in your mind. I said it, didn't I? You'll never know if you never try. Don't make me call Mintosu-san myself and tell him your feelings."

"A-ah!! Okay okay!! I'll… think about it?"

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

Siruko smiled that sweet, precious smile of his, and usually it warmed Sensei's heart, but today it brought a thousand cuts. "Thank you Sensei."

"Whatever. Now hurry up and finish liking those comments so we can go to sleep."

"But you can sleep! I told you you didn't have to stay up for me!"

"And since when have I ever listened to you?"

"All the time." Siruko muttered, but Sensei heard it, so he faked being insulted with a "HA?!?!" and Siruko laughed (and Sensei loved that laugh), "Nothing, nothing!! Of course you'll do what you want, Sensei, you're badass like that."

"Damn right."

And a week later, Siruko texted him "Sensei, I did it!! Minben-san is my boyfriend now aaaaa!! Thanks so much Senseiiii!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄"

And Sensei replied "Good for you. Congrats." then went back to bed. Stared at the ceiling for long goddamn hours. He tweeted to his followers that he didn’t feel good so no video today, and turned off his phone.

And it felt like there was a big black hole in his chest. He didn’t get up to eat, he just stared at the ceiling, hating himself for being such a goddamn coward. He finally knew what it felt to be pierced through the chest like those characters in DbD, only his bleeding wasn’t physical, just metaphorical. The pain was real though. So real it cut him open and every breath was hard to get.

The next day, he moved on. Or at least, he pretended he did. One day of moping was enough. He replied "I'm fine" to everyone who texted him even when he's not. He had to be fine. 

It's just death by a thousand cuts after all.

The next time it happened, Sensei had just finished playing a horror game and he felt accomplished. He was about to reward himself with a cookie even though he doesn't really like sweets, when the notification sound for a video call rings. He answered it automatically and he's greeted by a crying mess, and his heart dropped in response.

"Siruko-san?"

He didn't get an answer. Limone tried to make him calm down and breathe, and thankfully Siruko-san listened to him. The poor guy hiccuped and sniffed, and Sensei was already plotting Mintosu's death. He'll make it look like an accident too. One can’t play video games in prison after all.

"*sniff*... we had.. a fight, tente-… He got angry coz he said I was smothering him. I swear I didn't mean to nag, Sensei! I was just worried coz you know!..... Minben-san doesn't keep normal sleeping hours… well, I don't too so I don’t have the right.. but I was just worried, Chenche-!!"

Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Okay, so maybe he won't kill Mintosu, but he deserves a punch. Maybe two. In times like this Limone wished he could run to Tochigi and comfort Siruko in person. He'd been there once for a business-related meeting, and instead of staying in a hotel, Siruko offered their home. It was a nice trip, and he got to meet Siruko's lovely folks and brother. It made him guilty but also fulfilled for some reason, that he was able to stay in Siruko's house and spend time with him. It was something his internet relationship with Mintosu hasn't had yet at that time.

Forcing himself back to the present, Limone took off his glasses and wiped it with his shirt. Ever since he urged Siruko-san to confess, he became somewhat a confidante to their relationship. Siruko would sometimes share the good stuff but also vent out his frustrations. The positive point of this is that Sensei got to talk to Siruko-san, but it low-key stings as well.

"Siruko-san. You know what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Heck, you know Mintosu-san so well, so you should have known that he loves his freedom. I'm not saying you're wrong for worrying, but Mintosu-san is… well, Mintosu-san after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"I know that." Siruko sulked and pouted and sniffed again. He really should blow his nose. Sensei resisted the urge to wipe his tears from the monitor by clenching his hand under the table.

"Sometimes… sometimes I feel that he's not my boyfriend."

Sensei couldn't help it, but this ugly, dangerous thing called hope arises from the pits of his locked-up emotions that he squishes down every single time. He's only human after all. Limone forced himself to remember who it was that made Siruko-san laugh, who it was that Siruko-san always worried about, who it was that Siruko-san loved, and gods Sensei wished it was him, but it's not.

In his wallowing he didn't realize Siruko-san was still talking, "...and he doesn't even text me good night, and I'm not asking for so much romantic stuff, but would it kill him to at least say he loves me too?"

Siruko stopped, waiting for a reply that Sensei forced through the shards of glasses in his throat. He killed the thought that sprung in his mind, "I'll tell you I love you everyday if you were mine.", and instead he settled for, "No, it wouldn't kill him." 

Sensei continued because he doesn’t hate Mintosu-san. The guy's a good guy, and he can see why Siruko fell for him. Even his annoying sides are endearing. Sensei wanted to defend his side that Siruko-san might have missed.

"But Siruko-san, you knew he wasn't the romantic, hearts-and-roses type of guy, and you fell for him anyway. Don't you think it's a bit unfair of you to expect him to suddenly be a sweet-honey-words kind of guy? If you really wanted things like that, talk to him about it. Guide him through it, coz for all that idiot's bountiful of APEX skills, he sucks when it comes to emotions. Talk to him properly, and maybe back off with the nagging a little bit."

Siruko considered his words and looked thoughtful, and Sensei swallowed the bile coming up his throat, half-wishing they’d break up even though he just helped fix the misunderstanding. Finally, after long minutes of silence, Siruko showed a hint of that really cute, embarrassed smile. "Thanks Sensei. You're really good with advice."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Siruko chuckled a little and Sensei was content with that, he told himself. Just that slight hint that he was able to make Siruko-san feel better was enough. He doesn't want more, he lied to himself. "I might start to call you love-sensei now www. How come you're so good with relationship advice but you don't have a girlfriend? Want me to set up someone for you?"

"Do it and I'll kill you. You're lucky I don't charge you consultation fees."

"Coz you love me~" Siruko sang playfully.

You have no idea, Sensei thought hard. "I'll fucking kill you, bakagayo! Now if you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"It's just 12 midnight! Since when do you sleep so early?"

I actually won’t. I'll lie down and imagine ways I could treat you better than he can, then hate myself for thinking such evil, selfish thoughts. But Sensei replied instead, "I just played a horror game and I went out today, so I'm a bit tired." Sensei knew Siruko-san would feel guilty he disturbed Sensei, that's how well he knew Siruko-san by now, so he followed up immediately. "Shut up, don't apologize. I'd always make time for you, you know that." The teacher said quietly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Siruko's pretty lips lifted up in one corner wistfully. "Yeah."

The conflict of Sensei liking that smile versus the painful confirmation that they'll only ever be friends clenched Sensei's heart tight. "Then, good night Siruko-san. Ja na, mata ne.”

"Bye bye. Thank you, Sensei."

Sensei lay awake the whole night, until dawn came and the golden rays of the sun filter through his windows. It's like this every time, and Sensei should have been used to it, but he's not. He let the pain wash over him, thinking he might not be a sadist like what people think, but instead he might actually be masochistic.

But he'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

The third time, or he's not sure since it's been so long enough that he's not keeping count anymore, it was Siruko-san's birthday. He had just finished streaming Minecraft, and he put the Bintroll stream on background while he got something to drink. He didn't notice at first, but he knew something was wrong. Siruko-san was good at pretending, sometimes too good, so it's no surprise if the listeners didn't hear it, if even his own friends didn't know. But Sensei knew, heard that off-note, that slightly forced laugh, slightly louder, more exaggerated reaction. From the way Bintroll reacted too, they knew it, or at least have noticed it enough, but the show must go on. It's a livestream, and it's an unwritten rule among streamers that no one should break down during that. He knows that Siruko-san is happy, he really is, but something was missing. Or someone.

"Call me when you're done streaming." He typed on LINE, knowing Siruko-san is checking his phone. Not for his message of course. Never for his.

They finished the stream without reading the superchat donation, partly because Siruko-san was tired laughing and talking from the stream, but Sensei knew the other reason. He waits, but he also knew Siruko-san wouldn't call, because he doesn't like imposing on someone, troubling someone for something he thinks he can endure, even if it breaks his heart. He's too kind to do that, even if that was dumb. How many times has Sensei told him it was okay to rant to him, to call him when he's in trouble, or even when he's just bored? How many times has Siruko-san done it too, but each time Sensei has to reassure him that it was okay, he's not disturbing, that Sensei wants to listen to him. Siruko-san is truly dumb and masochistic, keeping everything to himself until he explodes with it, and there will be ugly messy crying and moping for days and drowning in alcohol and not leaving his bed. Sensei knew him too well. And if it was in Sensei's power to, if not protect him from things that can hurt him, then to pick him up when he's down, Sensei will do it, no questions asked.

Maybe Sensei is dumb and masochistic too, he realizes, as he dialed Siruko-san's number.

After 14 rings, during which Sensei is thinking of a hundred and one ways of killing Mintosu even if he has grown to also be close and endeared to the guy thanks to Siruko-san's efforts of getting the three of them to play together, Siruko finally picked up. He's silent, but Sensei knew he's there, and it just meant he wasn't in the mood to talk. Sensei could pick up the low sounds of sniffing and knew he was crying. Damn it. Sensei could take a million broken bones if it was just him, but just a hint of Siruko-san hurting and his knees lose strength.

"What happened." He demanded, but nothing. Silence answered him. Sensei waits and waits and waits. It always took so much coaxing, because no matter how friendly and sunny and cheerful Siruko-san always appears to be, he's an introvert who has insecurities deeper than the ocean and a long list of anxieties making it hard for him to open up sometimes. But Sensei is a patient man. He's already broken the walls Siruko built, passed through the mazes of Siruko's brilliant mind and fragile heart, and if Siruko-san makes more walls, Sensei won't ever be tired of breaking it down. Because beyond those walls is a precious, child-like heart that only wanted to be loved and accepted and happy, and it was very simple to give those things to him. Sensei knew he could give it.

"Minben-san."

"What."

"He…" Sensei sees it without really seeing it. The opening of the waterworks, tears flowing down. "He promised.. he'd come."

And Sensei understood immediately. Goddamnit, that fucking idiot. He could picture Siruko waiting, checking his phone from time to time, waiting for a Discord notification. Smiling and laughing as people wish him happy birthday, and it makes him happy, it really does, but it's different.

"Sensei.. you're really smart, right? You're love-sensei, right? So can you tell me…" Siruko sobbed, breaking Sensei's heart to a million pieces. "...what do you do.. when the one who means the most to you… is the one who didn't show?"

Sensei held his breath. Horror games he can do. Minecraft he can do. This? He doesnt fucking know how to fix this.

"Sensei… thank you by the way… you… you gave me superchat even in the middle of you streaming…You always do that, and it’s really thoughtful...  that was really nice… thank you."

And Siruko dropped the call. Sensei clenched his fist, wanting to punch something. It was 4am, but he moved into motion almost without thought. Bought a train ticket to Tochigi and boarded the first train as soon as the station opened, carrying nothing but his wallet and phone and earpods. It took about two hours, and he stared as the view changed from high-rise skyscrapers to something a little more green, a little more rural. He took a cab to the address he knew so well; he's been here so many times that he's already a familiar face.

"Sensei..?" Hakotaro-san opened the door, surprised, but also relieved. He let him in without so much ado, even though it was too early. Sensei realized it's a Sunday, and it's still breakfast time. It's a weird time to come over a house, but maybe Hakotaro-san has an idea of why he came. He said "ojamashimasu” and took off his shoes.

Papataro and Mamataro were surprised to see him, but they welcomed him with warm smiles, asked him how he'd been, took him to the dining table and forced him to eat breakfast with them. Sensei really likes them--this house, their family--and it makes him miss his own back in Hokkaido. He apologized for coming unannounced and gave them the big cake he bought in haste because it's rude to come to a house without a gift, and they waved him off, telling him it's alright, although Siruko-chan's still in his room, probably still asleep. It's not a surprise to Sensei because he knows Siruko-san doesn't eat breakfast. He chatted with them and felt warm, because they treat him like he's a part of the family too, and Sensei knows where Siruko-san got his kindness from. Siruko and Hakotaro got their looks from their father, but they both got their mother's sweet smile.

He waited in the living room and scratched Baron absently as Hakotaro-san came up to his Niisan's room, and Sensei chuckled when he heard Siruko's loud, panicked shriek. Sensei liked cats more than dogs, but Baron is a good good boy. He's a bit older now so he's calmer and more domestic than most dogs, and Sensei loves his quiet company. Hakotaro-san came again and brought him snacks and a glass of water, and Baron followed his master and jumped on his lap like he's still a puppy even though he's bigger now. They sat in silence, because while they're friendly enough to have exchanged banter or two, Sensei's actually a bit more quieter and serious off the camera, off his online persona. The silence was actually nice, comfortable even, because it gave Sensei time to think and evaluate. Why the hell did he come here so impulsively?

"You would have been better for him, Sensei."

Sensei almost choked on his own spit, actually coughed a bit at that statement, shock covering his face. Hakotaro-san continued to brush Baron's fur as if he just announced the weather and not like he just delivered the finishing blow to Sensei's already pining heart.

"I--uh… what?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love Minben-san too, and I can see how he tries his best to make Niisan happy, and I'm supportive of them. But Minben-san…. He's too independent, too free. Niisan's better off with someone he can spoil but also someone who spoils him. Niisan likes to be needed, but also is needy himself. I know Minben-san is trying, and I know he loves Niisan with all his heart, but if it was you, Sensei, it would have been easier. Less clashing. You're both equals in a sense that Niisan can give and take, that… forgive my Kansai metaphor for the lack of better expression, Niisan can be boke but also tsukkomi. You balance each other in a way."

And the truth is, Sensei did think that too. It's not that Mintosu-san is a bad guy, but he's someone that was already happy and content by playing games, and complicated things like emotions and things like that is not his forte. He's been friends with the guy long enough to know who he actually is even off the camera. Mintosu did not strike him as someone who could be raw and open, which is something you need for a relationship to work. And Mintosu also seemed that kind of guy who would feel confined with the commitments of a relationship.

Mintosu-san is a great guy, a really good person, but he's not a natural lover. He's tough and doesn't mince his words and doesn't do the hearts-and-flowers and the feelings thing, and that's not wrong, but sometimes Sensei thinks he has a better relationship with his fans and listeners than with Siruko-san. He was always more considerate of them, kinder, gentler, and maybe it’s because that kind of human interaction is simpler and easier.

But that doesn't mean Mintosu didn't love Siruko. Heck, it's a testament to how much he loves Siruko-san because he always tries hard to be what he's not. Sensei knew that Mintosu-san tries his best to remember important events, to send gifts and take Siruko out on dates, to be more generous with his I love yous. Mintosu-san is good for Siruko-san; he knows Siruko-san full well and understands every part of him, and they can be a really good team when they try hard enough. They have this shared history that Sensei can't ever replicate. Sensei acknowledged, respected, and supported their relationship with all his being; heck, he's even the one that triggered it into happening. 

And Sensei hated himself everyday for this, but he wished he was Mintosu. That if one thing had been different in this universe, he wished he could have been what Siruko's heart wanted. That he was the one who received Siruko's kind, loving smiles, who got to make love to him, who got to give him the happiness he very much deserved. Limone-sensei would have been so good to Siruko-san, would have given him the attention he craved and the reassurances he needed. He would have been strict to him because Siruko tended to forget everything when he's so addicted to a game, would have crashed his stream to scold him to eat, but he also would have given in to Siruko's whinings, because there's very little Sensei can deny Siruko-san. He already does all of these things, but only as a friend, never more than that. He would have given him the universe if Siruko-san asked for it. 

But Sensei had no time to indulge this self-pity, because his universe came out of the room, covered head to toe with a soft, velvety brown blanket. His beautiful purple eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Sensei wanted to bundle him up and just envelop him in his arms to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but in this universe, he didn't have the right to do that.

"What are you doing here?" Siruko-san pouted. Sensei wondered if he was disappointed that it wasn't his lover that came to surprise him. His voice was hoarse, either from streaming or crying, Sensei didn't know, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t take care of Siruko-san the way he wanted to, because in this universe, Siruko’s heart wants what it wants, and that was Mintosu-san. 

"I brought you cake. Happy late birthday."

"I don't like sweet things though." Siruko-san sat between his brother and Sensei and casually placed his head on Sensei's shoulder, because they're close enough friends he could do that. Totally platonic, to Sensei's disappointment, but Sensei let him. That's one thing about Siruko-san, he's clingy and surprisingly craves touch. Sensei draped one arm over him and pats Siruko's shoulder, and he thought about where he finds this easy to do, Mintosu would have been repulsed yet forced to give this level of affection. He felt bad for Mintosu-san, but not that much, because at least Siruko's heart belonged to him.

Sensei rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, like I didn't know that. It was lemon cake."

Siruko snorted playfully underneath the blanket. "Because it's from you?"

"What else?"

The three of them sat in silence for a while. It should have been weird but it wasn't, at least not to them. Sensei decided to break the silence and finally reveal what he came here for. His exhaustion suddenly washed over him--a few intermittent naps on the train wasn't enough--but he had to do this. He'll never let Siruko-san cry again, not if he can help it.

"Go take a bath and wear some nice clothes, bakatare. We're going somewhere."

Siruko sat up like a puppy who had been called to attention. "Where?"

"To Nara, to Mintosu-san's house."

He saw the hurt and betrayal and refusal in Siruko's eyes, but there was also this hope and desire that made Sensei feel what he's doing is right even though it's not what he wants to do at all. "I-it's okay Sensei," Siruko denied, "I-it's really okay and I… I'm used to this. Minben-san texted me that he forgot and got tired from streaming so he fell asleep, that's all. You don't have to do this and I… I'm fine."

Sensei stared at him hard and Siruko flinched. "There's no reason to go there, and besides, I'm sure he's busy, and--"

"Does there need to be a reason?!" Sensei suddenly raised his voice, and he stilled himself. Sometimes it's so hard to control his emotions, and he's so so angry but he can't be, because there was no black and white here. He can't blame Mintosu for unknowingly hurting Siruko because he had never been that kind of guy anyway, one who prepares romantic stuff to surprise his lover on his special day. It was an honest mistake on his part, and even that was just, so Mintosu. And he also can't blame Siruko-san for this, for expecting something more, because it was his right as a boyfriend, his right to get the simple happiness he wanted. Sensei took a deep breath to calm himself. Here were two people who loved each other but sucked at showing it, and if all they needed was a little push, a little nudge to the right direction, then Sensei was willing to make himself fall apart just so they could both be whole.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Sensei said in a hushed voice. He glanced at Hakotaro-san who didn't interfere and made a reaction, just watching them. "If you want to see him, that's good enough reason, Siruko-san. And when you see each other, you'll fight and be at each other's throat, but also make up and forgive, because you can't let this misunderstanding be unresolved. It'll be a festering wound, and I can only see this incident as something that'll come back and bite you in the future. I know both of you too well because you are my friends. I know you, Siruko-san, that you'll say you're fine now but you'll never forget this, and you'll bring this up against him every time you see the chance, because you were hurt and you'll want him to acknowledge it. And I know Mintosu-san, that he'll get sick of it because he can't tolerate your emotional needs, he'll push you away and turn the blame on you again like he always does, because he has always been a prideful person. And you're both idiots but you're both not wrong for being what you both are. So if I have to drag you to Mintosu-san's house by stuffing all 175cm of you in a suitcase, I swear I will, because you both need to talk."

Siruko freezed, processed everything that Sensei said, and stormed back to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, because for all their silly fighting, Siruko is too similar to Mintosu sometimes, both idiots who likes to bottle their emotions inside of them, and when confronted with it, will run away from it. Hakotaro-san hummed in consideration, making Sensei jump a little because he had honestly forgotten about him.

Sensei cleared his throat. "What?"

"You're right, of course, but I still stand by what I said. Their chemistry is too… explosive, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Their similarities make it stable, but both being water signs, one moment they can be as peaceful as a lake, then the next it's a raging tsunami. Them knowing each other so well works for them, because they have their own level of understanding no one can reach, but that also means they know each other's buttons and what ticks each other off, and they both use it against the other. I don't like that Niisan always has to apologize first and he just goes along with what Minben-san wants so they don't clash, but I also don't like Minben-san being forced to go out of his comfort zone to be this person Niisan needs him to be. Their love can be something so very beautiful, but it can also easily turn into something toxic.

On the other hand, while you and Niisan are very different from each other, it's complementary. What the other lacks, one makes up. People have this misconception that Niisan is outgoing, but he just finds it easier to make friends on the internet. So while you, Sensei, is extroverted, it complements Niisan being introverted. Niisan's patience can keep up with your need to try new things, and your ability to back down works with Niisan's need to be right all the time. You're fire and water and it shouldn't work but it can because you're both emotionally mature and flexible enough to balance each other out."

Sensei didn’t get scared easily, but now he did, because his palms are getting clammy and there might be actual goosebumps at his nape. Was… Hakotaro-san reading his mind? Did Hakotaro-san… know he's been harboring these feelings for his older brother all this time? He knew the younger one had always been observant and intelligent like his Niisan, but to this extent? Sensei resisted the urge to shiver.

"Why… are you telling me this?"

Hakotaro-san shrugged. "No reason. I know Minben-san and Niisan will get through this, especially with you always helping their relationship. I want what's best for my Niisan, but I also want what makes him happy. Give me a moment to talk some sense to him. He'll only go to Nara if you come with him, so, yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Hakotaro-san bowed slightly and Sensei was a second too late to return it, mind reeling from the analysis the blonde just revealed, and by the time he recovered, Hakotaro was already in his brother's room, and he's left alone with Baron and Pii-chan in the living room.

It took everything in Sensei to not get undone in that living room, to kill the rising hope in his heart that maybe, maybe he has a chance. Maybe he should just let this incident go, so that if their relationship sours, Sensei can swoop in and show Siruko-san how to be properly loved and treated. If they break up, Mintosu will be free of this emotion thing that shackles him and do what he loves the most, sometimes more than his own boyfriend, which is gaming, and that would be best for him. And Siruko, sweet, dearest Siruko, won't have to settle with the scraps of affection and attention Mintosu-san gives him, because Sensei can do it. Sensei can come to every one of his birthday stream and be touchy and affectionate and open, and he can love him more than this. 

Gods, he wished he was a horrible enough person so he can be capable of ruining a relationship.

An hour passed, and Hakotaro-san told him his Niisan was calm now, so Sensei entered his room. Siruko, who looks like a burrito with that blanket bundling him, glared angrily at him, but without any heat. Sensei settled on his gaming chair.

"You're mean." And the buriko ojiisan actually stuck his tongue out at him, the nerve.

He's mean?! As if Mintosu didn't bully him every time. Tch. "So?"

"Do you even know how far Tochigi and Nara is? It's like 6 hours away by train."

"And if your dramatic ass didn't throw up a tantrum, we would have been in the train by now."

"See?? Meanie!!" Siruko accused, turning his back to Sensei. "I'm not sure I wanna talk to him. I don't even know what to say to him."

And Sensei thought, this is it. He could say that they didn't have to go, and let this misunderstanding pile up with their other issues until it blows in their face. But he glanced at their rare framed picture on Siruko's desk, with their wide smiles, Mintosu's arm draped over Siruko's shoulder while holding a peace sign and Siruko looking at Mintosu with such adoration in his eyes, and Sensei can’t. 

"I'm sure you can think of something during that stupid 6 hour ride."

And Siruko looked back at him, gave him this soft, grateful smile and said okay, and Sensei tasted cotton balls in his mouth. If only Siruko knew how awful Sensei's thoughts were, he wouldn't be so trusting of him. Sensei's stomach is filled with gravel, and it makes his body heavy and sick with something medicine can’t cure. A martyr, that’s what he was, or a living thing but dead inside. Loving Siruko-san was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

And in the train ride to Nara, where Siruko spent most of the time sleeping on Sensei's shoulder, Sensei should be feeling happy with this moment of just the two of them. But he didn’t.

It just felt like death by a thousand cuts.

And later, Mintosu, who did this stupid perfect impression of a fish out of the water with his surprise to see them in his apartment, jaw dropped and eyes wide, let them in. Siruko was silent and kept biting his lips, and Mintosu was genuinely confused, and Sensei would like to punch them both and go home. So Sensei acts like a mediator, almost like a marriage counselor, and at first Mintosu and Siruko refuse to let their emotions out, but Sensei shouts at them that he didn't come all the way from Tokyo for this bullshit, so they let their frustrations out and shout at each other, and Mintosu almost storms out in anger but Sensei doesn't let him, and Siruko cries this angry tears but Sensei forces him to calm down, and they both manipulate each other's emotions and are both stubborn and vindictive, but in the end they come to an agreement to be more understanding and more open with their feelings and with a promise to always talk and communicate, and they make up. Sensei faked forgetting to make an important phone call and stepped outside to give them some privacy, because the last thing he needed was to see them kiss in front of him. 

At midnight they went out and ate the best ramen in town and it was really delicious, and they traded jokes and laughed and talked about their favorite things. Sensei slept on the couch while the couple slept in Mintosu's room, and Sensei didn’t really get any sleep, because he's busy trying not to imagine what they must be doing on the other side of the apartment, and hating himself for being unable to be an awful person because once again, he probably has contributed more to this relationship more than any outsider has or needed to, and he tries to be happy for them because they are happy and in love.

Sensei asked the Mintosu's ceiling if he'll be alright and it said, "I don't know."

The last time, it wasn't really the last, but it did feel like the end. It's been more than a year, and one day, as they finished shooting a video, Mintosu DM-ed Sensei.

It's not that unusual, since Mintosu and Sensei did develop their own friendship outside of their collabs, partly because of Siruko. Sensei kind of became their go-to person when they're in trouble with their relationship, and it kills Sensei but also makes him feel like he's not completely a terrible person if he was able to help them out.

It was rare though, for Mintosu to reach out first. So Sensei voice-called him, partly because he wanted to rest his fingers, and partly because he'll be able to hear Mintosu's emotions through his voice.

"Moshi moshi Sensei!"

"Hai hai, mosh mosh, doushita doushita."

"Ano.. I was kind of wondering if… how do you say this… if you had any advice for me..?"

That was weird. Mintosu, unsure of himself? At loss for words? Is there a zombie apocalypse outside his door right now?

"For what?"

"Coz I… um… I'm planning to ask Siruko-san to marry me."

And the world stopped spinning. Time stood still, and the world turned into shades of gray. Sensei’s heart gets caught up in his throat, and his insides were being turned into mush.

"...Sensei?" 

Sensei shook his head to clear his mind, but it's so hard to breathe. He regretted voice calling now, because it's so hard to talk when his throat felt like acid. "C...Congratulations, teme!! W-wow this is such a big.. move, like wow, really. Dude, congrats…"

"Thanks Sensei! You're actually the third person I told, after my family and my best friend. I'm kinda nervous and excited for it!"

"Y-yeah… I bet you are… Listen, can I go to the toilet for a bit?"

"Sure, iterrashai!"

Sensei ran to the toilet and hurled the dinner he ate, his hands shaking. He splashed water on his face to calm himself down. He'd seen this coming, taught himself how to react when he hears the news, trained himself to accept it, but it still came crashing down on him like boulders on a landslide. This was his worst nightmare coming true.

"I’m back."

"Osu!"

"So… advice huh?"

"Yeah! The ring stuff, my bestfriend can take care of that, coz I have zero knowledge in that area hahaha. But I still don't know how to ask him. Should I go for the dinner style? Or the… blegh, ring on champagne thing? Coz I really dont wanna have to, thinking about it makes me puke, blegh."

And Sensei felt horrible for this, he really did, but he told Mintosu… what he let himself imagine in the middle of the night when he lets the devil in him take over, when he would revel in his deepest, darkest fantasies, things he would have done for Siruko-san. How he would have proposed. 

Siruko-san deserved something grand, but also private. Sensei would have made a scavenger hunt for him, but one Siruko can do in his house because he doesn't like going out, so he'll need to ask Hakotaro-san for help. It's perfect for him, since he loves games, and he's good at solving problems and figuring things out. The next puzzle pieces will come from Bintroll, and Siruko-san can VC or chat with them about it. It will give him time to spend with the people he loves the most, and when he looks back at this memory, Siruko-san would love that they were involved. The last puzzle piece would take him to a hotel though, for their privacy. Sensei would have pulled out all stops for him, rose petals and candles everywhere (he leaves this part out because he doesn’t think Mintosu-san will do this, nor does it suit him), and he imagined Siruko-san confused but super touched at the romantic gesture, and then Sensei would come out and give him an embarrassing but heartfelt speech about how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him, that Siruko was his lifeline (like the character they both like in APEX), that a man like Sensei can only love someone that greatly once, so Siruko was his one and only. Sensei imagined Siruko-san getting a bit emotional with the speech and cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and then he'd fall down on one knee and tell him how he loves everything about Siruko-san, his good leadership and charisma that makes everyone around him respect and treasure him, his supportive side that lifts everyone around him up, and even his demanding, whiny side that makes you wanna scold him but also indulge him. 

And they would have been good for each other. They compensate for what each other doesn't have. They bring out the best in each other. Where Sensei was sometimes emotionally distant, Siruko's empathy and warmth fills that. Where Siruko was full of insecurities and anxieties, Sensei was the confidence and the daring that would support him. They both have a loud personality, which, in a non-arrogant way, has this center-of-attention thing that charms people so well, but also, they both have a side that sometimes hides in the background blending in quietly, and that's what make it's so balanced, because when one roars, the other one knows how to shut up, and vice versa. They can be both assertive and analytical, but they're also both attentive and generous. Sure, they would have had some friction, but they were both understanding enough to have handled it. It would've been sweet, if it could've been him. It would've been fun, if Sensei was the one.

They would have been as natural and beautiful as the purple-blue daybreak sky.

But it wasn't. In this world, it was Mintosu that Siruko wanted and loved. Mintosu who gets to wake up in the morning next to him, who got to cook curry for him and take care of him, who got to hold him in his arms. And they still worked, despite the seemingly destructive fights, because they were proof that if two people tried hard enough, they could make it work. Siruko learned how to assert his opinions and call out Mintosu for his bullshit, and Mintosu learned how to listen and be more showy with his affection. They still have their worse moments, and sometimes they both treat their issues the same way: either pretending it didn't exist even if it bothered them, or giving the other the cold silent treatment, or have screaming fights where they throw their words like knives, and on the worst ones, someone has to interfere, most times (to his agony), it was Sensei who did. But they pulled through by some miracle, and Sensei was happy for them, he really is. They make a good couple when they actually cooperate, and Sensei wouldn’t have approved of any other man other than Mintosu-san for Siruko-san.

And Mintosu-san actually did follow Sensei's advice, to his surprise. Sensei volunteered to make the scavenger hunt for him because that's not Mintosu's strength, but he helped and made an effort to be involved in the process. There were no roses or candles or long speeches, only the few words of: "Siruko-san, I want you to be my partner in everything; in gaming and in life. Marry me." And Siruko didn't believe him at first and thought it was a prank, but when he saw Minben-san was serious for once, he dived into Minben-san's arms and shouted “Yeeees!” And Mintosu-san almost drops the ring but he was able to catch Siruko, and they laughed while their eyes got a bit moist and they spent the whole night reveling in each other's presence and owning each other in all senses. Limone-sensei knew this because they both told him, and he congratulated them sincerely and joked about buying them PC gear for their wedding gift, and later finally let himself cry for the first time.

That was months ago. Sensei's now dusting off his black suit and adjusting his navy blue tie while sitting on his chair, waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. There were two aisles that meet in a center altar, where the officiant is already on standby. Sensei was one of the few lucky people invited in the small ceremony, as usually most people attended the reception instead. Both Mintosu and Siruko wanted him to come, as they said they both owe their relationship to him. Sensei couldn't say no even if he tried, of course. Some good part of him was still proud at what he's done to help, even if his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces at the thought of attending the wedding he very much wanted to be his.

The grooms arrived and walked the aisle, but of course Sensei was only looking at Siruko-san. He was beautiful, with his purple hair combed well and there were no longer dark shadows in his eyes. Not that he has ever been any less beautiful to Sensei, because Sensei found his tired or drunk state equally cute, but this, his wide smile full of nervousness and excitement, his purple eyes shining with glee, it was too much for Sensei, because it wasn't meant for him. He choked on bitter bile and coughed, and beside him Shoichi side-eyed him worriedly. He was the only one who knew, of course. Sensei couldn't have confided in Hanachan; he was already too busy with his own things to think about, and plus, he wouldn’t understand why Sensei backed off. He would have urged Sensei to pursue Siruko-san. Shoichi only knew because he and Sensei went out eating one day and ended up in a bar, and Sensei couldn't hold his alcohol well and accidentally ranted. Shoichi promised he'd never tell anyone, and Sensei knew Shoichi also wanted to ask Sensei why he never tried, but the editor didn’t, only offered silent consolation like a brother. It helped him get through the pain and the heartache, but it never fully healed. This kind of pain lasts a lifetime, because the only love that lasts is unrequited love.

And as they exchanged vows, Sensei tried to let go. He's known for a long time now, what love really means. It meant making difficult, painful choices for the happiness of another person, more than your own. Loving Siruko was the most beautiful and tragic thing he's ever done, but it was okay. He sees Mintosu gaze at Siruko with the same loving eyes he has, and that was good enough. Perhaps such a great love like Sensei had was never meant to be returned, but it will be alright.

And when they kissed, Sensei thought it was okay. People fall in love with people they can't have all the time.

He'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

And this story did have a happy ending, just not for him.

The end.

Ren’s RANT that you don’t have to read:

About the story!

Please don't hate Minsan. I love that guy so much and even though him forgetting birthdays is almost a canon-like thing he can do, my good friend Hotaru (who likes to pretend she is Minsan's wife) pointed out that Minben-san doesn't seem like a person who would forget someone's birthday especially if it was someone special to him. He'd most likely buy you a present, although he might forget to give it to you on your actual birthday. 😂😂😂 and that's okay, it was an honest mistake on his part, that's the reason why Sensei wouldn't punch him and Siruko-san forgave him easily. It's just a Minsan thing and I love him.

I also want to point out that Minsan is also emotionally intellectual in a sense that he analyzes feelings and emotions very well, and if you watch his streams he actually has a side to him that's good at self-introspection. We just think he's not the type to show his vulnerable self, and that's why he doesn't really show up much in Bintroll livestreams, because he's more comfortable with gaming than casual chatting, and that's okay. Please don't think I don't ship MinSiru too; I was the biggest MinSiru fan and I still am, and I have probably influenced so many to their ship too. I like their dynamics as well, but as someone who has watched Minben-san for quite a bit of a long time, lately I realized that when it comes to him, Mintosu x Fans are the true canon ship. If you watch his streams closely, you'll know how much he cares about his listeners and really truly genuinely enjoys his interactions with them. He's a complex man; he has different sides of him in the Hanae channel, Bintroll channel, and his own channel, and if you watch him more, you'll fall in love with how close he is to his listeners. That's why I think Mintosu x Fans is canon www (ship MinRen for world peace and clear skin!!) (Ren who imagines herself with Minsan more than Minsan with Siruty)

I see Mintosu as someone who cannot be tied down by a relationship because that’s not him, and that’s okay because you can already see his happiness by gaming, and I love him for that.

This fic is controversial (and that's why it took me a full week to decide whether to publish it) in a sense that I've given some bad points about MinSiru. I did give them some good points, but since it's Sensei POV, it came across as sad. But just because it would be difficult doesn't mean it wouldn't work. Trust me, I'm in a relationship with someone who's almost like Min-san in personality, but we've been together for almost 3 years now. I used to think Siruko-san was a saint for enduring all Mintosu-san's trolls, coz if that was me, I would be annoyed, but there's a reason why Mintosu only does it to Siruko; it's because he's the most comfortable with Siruko3. Siruko-san is patient and understanding enough to deal with Minsan's quirks, and Minsan is also loves his company. They are more similar than people think, and that's why it's easy for them to be in sync. It'll be difficult, but it'll work. Believe me.

LimoSiru rant:

I think I’m getting better at writing angst wwww it’s just sad because if one really watched closely all four channel’s livestreams and videos, they’d see LimoSiru is beautiful too. They may not have had shared history and sexual tension, but it’s obvious how Siruko-san really supports Sensei in everything, and Sensei in return supports Bintroll even if he didn’t have to, and that’s beautiful.

I think part of the reason why I ship LimoSiru is because they make it so easy for me. It's not my fault when they are the ones who make all these cute, flirty interactions. I've started shipping them since the Fall Guys stream and have noticed how incredibly cute their relationship is. Imagine someone crashing your stream because he had this puzzle he couldn’t solve and because you’re so smart, he goes to you instead, not caring if you are currently streaming or if there are fans watching. Like seriously, Sensei, don’t you have friends? Or couldn’t you just LINE Siruko-san afterwards? If it seems like LimoSiru just happened all of a sudden, I assure you it didn’t. It’s always been there, and they started as friends too. It's almost enemies to friends to something more. In the Dedomental video, Mintosu asks Siruko-san where his name came from, although he jokes it’s kinda dirty. If you watch Sensei’s POV, you’ll hear him laugh and say “I think it’s a good name.” Siruko-san always crashes Sensei’s stream and Sensei does the same, and I found it especially cute when Sensei always superchats in Siruko’s birthday stream; first, when he played DbD with them, and on the second, isn’t it cute how he sends superchat while he’s streaming, like he doesn’t have to do that, but he did. Even in the Bintroll 100k stream, he helped them make the DbD minecraft after his own stream, and that was so on-the-spot, and the fact that he did that even though he could have just ended his stream and rested, is very thoughtful. And have you watched that sudden stream that took our wigs off? Bintroll had just received their silver play and moments later Sensei wanted a stream with Siruko-san, when he could have just congratulated them on Twitter or LINE. The conversations, gods they sound like two people who were in the early stages of dating, and it felt like we listeners were third-wheelers. They learned their lesson on stream #2 because the conversations were more proper and they kept themselves in check, but that raw, unfiltered, natural first stream was everything. I’ve always had so little content for LimoSiru and even if they didn’t do that I would have been happy, but now with that big, fat LimoSiru official thumbnail there, I have died and ascended to heaven. (As of the release of this post, they have interacted almost everyday for a week, and I don't know what to do with all these interactions! I've been so used to little content and now I'm just… dead)

But not everyone ships like me, I guess, one who can ship anything and everything equally. At the end of the day, nothing is canon. That’s the real angst in this post, hahahaha. I know the characters in my mind are different from the people who livestreams in real time, no matter how much I always try to keep the characterization close. So let’s just enjoy supporting them in our own ways.

Thank you for reading! I love you~~

[abysskeeper]

4 20 and 42 for Chris. 26 and 48 for Trick. 6 and 17 for Hayden.

@trafuris Since I’m not actually writing today, might as well. This got long lol.

Chris

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Chris’s relationship with her parents is complicated, to say the least. She never knew her mother, who died in childbirth, but was named after her. Thus she doesn’t have any memories of/with her mother, just the stories she was told of her by her father when she was little. From what she’s been told, her mother seemed like a great woman, and Chris sometimes feels a little guilty that she can’t bring herself to miss or long for that relationship because it was something she was never meant to have.

Her relationship with her father, on the other hand, is quite messy. When she was little, her and her dad got along great. She was his world, especially after losing his wife. She has several great memories of him taking care of her, the two of them going to play in parks, messing around in the house, or even simple things like grocery shopping. It was never too grand, it never could be too grand, but it was more than enough for her.

As Chris got older though, things changed, and her father fell further and further into the bottle by the day. Those happy days turned into nights of screaming, and then nights of silence as he drank himself into a stupor and Chris was the one to take care of him and clean up the mess. She still hasn’t figured out what caused the change, and would never admit it, but wonders if she caused it and what she did wrong. After a stint with her own addiction and then sobering up, she was old enough to leave the house for her own good.

Her father’s still alive, she knows that much, but she hasn’t looked back since, despite how much her lingering doubts and memories from better days make her want to.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Chris loves music (all three of them do), but musicals aren’t her thing as much as they are for the other two (in modern aus, she’s the techie to the other two’s leads). She’s a percussionist though, so anything with a good beat and/or solid drum section catches her attention, and she’s known to keep a beat with her fingers/hands/feet whenever a good song comes on. If it’s something she really likes, she might even hum along.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

She doesn’t really have definitive goals in the sense that her goals don’t really have an end. Chris just really wants to help vulnerable people, especially vulnerable women, in whatever ways she can, because she knows what it’s like. Before meeting Trick/in the interlude of Trick being absent, she forms her own sort-of group out of other impoverished/downtrodden individuals and she does what she can for those around her (SWTOR she’s smuggling but also doing what she can with the money she has and putting a lot of effort into rehabilitation for people, which results in her own group of mostly women pilots, engineers, and mechanics working for her; in Pack she runs an underground free clinic).

It just so happens that Trick has the systemic ideals she wants to see implemented, and their viewpoints on the world align so readily that Chris throws everything she has into Trick’s ring. She’s ready to sacrifice it all if she has to for their goals (Trick would never allow her to do that) and for Trick herself (Trick would definitely never allow her to do that), as well as the for the people working for her and helping her achieve what she wants.

I suppose her secret ambition more than anything is a deeply personal one. She wants a relationship--specifically she wants someone who she can dote on and take care of. It’s not really an ambition she can work towards per se, but it’s something she does really want. Not for any particular reason besides how messed up her own home life was, it’s just a nice dream to have. And it’s the bigger part of the reason she so quickly accepts that she’s willing to sacrifice it all for Akane too (it helps that Akane’s ideals mostly align with hers as well).

Trick

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

If Trick’s happy, you know it. Anyone in the same building as her knows it. For someone who is so good at hiding and repressing negative emotions, she’s a goddamn light bulb when she’s happy. There’s an extra hop in her step, she’s smiley, her usual cheeriness is turned up to 11, and honestly, you can’t help but feel a little better too.

She’s known to mindlessly hum when she’s content and/or relaxed (actually, a surefire way to know she likes and trusts you is if she starts humming while you’re in the room), so she definitely sings and dances when she’s happy. Usually she’ll only do that if she’s alone or thinks she’s alone though, mostly to not be a nuisance, and a little bit because her friends tease her relentlessly when they catch her. She gladly endures it though if it comes to that (and honestly, bonus points if it’s Tav. He teases her, but she knows he finds her adorable, and that only makes her happier. Plus, extra bonus points if she can cajole him into joining her).

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Not a partier of any sort, unless a night-in with friends counts as a party. She’s not a downer at least, and she’s gotten good at making or finding her own enjoyment at parties when she winds up at them. She’s had practice considering how many Chris drags her to. So she’ll still engage with people and have a general good time, but by the end of the night she wants to go home and curl up in bed.

As such, she doesn’t really organize parties unless they’re for a special event (birthday parties if that’s important to the person, big anniversaries, holidays), which she’ll gladly do if asked. She likes doing the behind the scenes stuff days before the party and not actually being in charge of running it the night of though.

Hayden

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Verse-dependent. In most modern aus, he usually has a Bachelor’s at least, sometimes a Master’s, but that’s because he wants to do social work. Hayden doesn’t really like school in any verse though, it’s just something he knows he has to do well at (or at least try) if he wants to have any chance at a better life for him and his sister (if he hasn’t killed his parents because you know...laws...he emancipates himself at 16 and tries to take Gracie with him). Because of that, he keeps his head down, stays quiet, and does what he has to. Between his physical presence, the rumors that are bound to fly about him, and the quiet personality, he was made out to be rather intimidating in school, so most people stayed far out of his way.

He really liked the social science side of school (psychology/sociology), as well as history. Not many would peg him the type, but he also loved English and it was easily the subject he excelled at the most. More than anything, he struggled with math, and that made him hate the subject as a whole for a long time.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Again, not something most people would peg for him, but Hayden does actually like taking photos of the people around him. He usually likes candid settings and often tries to hide what he’s doing (Gracie and Trick both complain when he does it, but both of them lightened up on it some when they realized it was important to him) so he has an authentic representation of what was going on that day. He has several photos of Gracie, and of Chris and Trick (both with and without their respective SOs), and of Sennestra that he just keeps. He doesn’t do anything with them, he just likes having a bit of a commemoration of both important and benign days in his life with the people around him.

That said, he doesn’t really like selfies much, but will take at least one or two pictures of himself or with himself in the photo of others.

[purplesurveys]

1001

survey by voicedance16

Name A...

Name yourself:  I said this like, seven surveys ago. To make things different, I share my name with a bird and Rihanna’s first name. 

Name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela. Sister for life.

Name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: We have a loaf of white bread, a near-empty bottle of Japanese mayonnaise, and a tub of liver.

Name a color you're wearing currently: Pink and orange. I ended up going to the virtual Halloween party at work - went as Dora - and it was a blast. I’m SO glad impersonating our characters didn’t turn out to be mandatory; I just sat there and was happy to be there, lmao. 

Name the last thing you ate: A ham sandwich.

Name the last store you went to: Does the vet count? They sell pet food over there, so it’s kind of like a store I guess. I went last weekend because Cooper needed a heartworm test and a couple of shots.

Name the song you're listening to: Nada.

Name the artist of that song: See above.

Name your favorite animal: Dogs! Elephants are a close second.

Name what pets you have, if any: I have two dogs, an aspin and a beagle.

Name the town/state you live in: I won’t give away the city, but I will say Metro Manila is a literal stone’s throw away. I live right at the border.

Name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: Like...in general? I’m not aware of the most common food/drink ordered by other people but if I had to pick a guess, I know frappes are popular among my age group and the age group before us and that java chip is a popular flavor. But if you’re just referring to my usual, I like getting an iced caramel macchiato.

Name the last person you talked to in person: My dad. They gave us a box of Halloween donuts AND cake pops at work today :’) so I just asked my dad if he wanted a donut.

Name the last person you talked to on the phone: Mom. But my last call in general was a Zoom call with the entire company just a few minutes ago for the Halloween party.

Name the current day of the week: Today issss Wednesday.

Name the current month: October.

Name the current time: 6:55 PM.

Name the last movie you watched: I’m Thinking of Ending Things, blech. Need a happier movie to mention.

Name the last book you read: I’ve mentioned it too many times on a lot of recent surveys.

Name a place you've been on vacation: Bali.

Name a place you'd like to go on vacation: I desperately need to go back to Sagada, or at least Tagaytay. I think visitors are already allowed to go to the latter so I’m really eyeing a solo, soul-searching trip soon. As for places I’ve never been to before but would make for interesting vacations, I’d go with Chicago and Marrakesh.

Name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: I can see an empty mug that used to contain coffee, a box of cake pops, and a purple pen.

Name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon.

Name an animal (any): The first animal that came to mind was dragonfly.

Name a fruit: Avocado, the only bitch in the house that I ever respected.

Name a vegetable: Broccoli, my favorite.

Name a common breakfast food: Where I live, beef tapa.

Name a color: Dandelion.

Name a type of flower: ...Dandelion!

Name a type of tree: Pine. Not that we have any here lol, but it’s the first kind I thought of.

Name a city: Uhh, idk. Let’s go with Seattle.

Name a state: I first thought of Wisconsin because I have a lot of family living there.

Name a country: Let’s go outside of the States and go with Sweden.

Name a continent: Asia.

Name a planet: Mars.

Name a girl's name: Clara. Such a pretty-sounding name.

Name the last person to comment you on Facebook: I haven’t had Facebook in weeks and I genuinely can’t remember from whom I received my last comment before I deactivated.

Name a clothing store/brand: Mango.

Name the last book you got at the library: It’s called History of the Filipino People, written by one of my great-uncles.

Name a restaurant: Max’s, even though their food sucks.

Name a grocery store: SM.

Name an iPhone app: Like, an Apple-exclusive app? I think Keynote is one of them.

Name an actor: Eddie Redmayne! One of my favorites.

Name an actress: Kate Winslet, my biggest crush through and through.

Name a music group: Destiny’s Child.

Name your favorite/lucky number: I don’t have a lucky number, but 4 is my favorite. I don’t have a solid reason for it to be my favorite; it just is.

Name something you've accomplished:  Graduating college from my dream school in my (then-)dream degree/course.

Name something you'd like to accomplish: Travel, and travel a lot.

Name someone who makes you laugh: Andi made me smile and chuckle a bit today, so let’s name them.

Name something exciting coming up soon: Nothing too specific, really. But I’m supposed to be receiving my internship cut any day now and it’s gonna be my first salary ever, so that’s pretty exciting :)

Name a song that makes you emotional: 26 by Paramore.

Name one of your pet peeves: People who call without texting or notifying beforehand. Holy fucking shit. A hiring manager did this exact thing to me yesterday and I rejected her call because she did not text first. I honestly have no regrets, and I wouldn’t have been bitter if she stopped pursuing me then. 

Name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah, without a doubt.

Name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

Name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas. I can hardly believe another one is coming up soon.

Name the last 4 digits of your phone number: Uh, no thanks.

Name one of your cousins: Sam.

Name a book you loved when you were younger: I used to really love the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage and I reread the first book, Magyk, more times than I could ever count.

Name a song you loved when you were younger: Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie.

Name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

Name a popular book series: The Hunger Games, even though I never actually read it.

Name a musical instrument: A song played on a solo saxophone...

Name a language: German.

Name what other tabs you have open: On this window, just Bzoink. I just closed a YouTube tab.

Name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: Audrey Hepburn wall decors, a painting that I’m trying to cover up with post-its to turn it into something positive, and uhhh my aircon is mounted to the wall if that counts lol

Name your house number: I’m not sharing that.

Name your high school: It’s an all-girls Catholic school in my city. I’ve shared the name before but I don’t feel like doing so tonight.

Name your college, if applicable: My college was in mass communication, but I went to university in UP.

Name your middle school: See high school.

name your elementary school Again, see high school.

Name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: UP.

Name your favorite teacher: My music teacher throughout high school. I don’t like her subject, but I love her.

Name the color of your backpack: I haven’t had to use a backpack in a while but my main one is pink.

Name a dessert: Creme brulee. I don’t memorize which letters have those accent marks and I don’t feel like looking that up right now.

Name a famous landmark: Because I can clearly read the next question, the Statue of Liberty.

Name a place you might go in NYC: I’d go straight to my uncle’s so that he can show me the good spots. He has a lot of cool friends who run their own bars/restaurants in the city so if anyone knows how to have a good time in NYC without having to go to all the big tourist places, it’s him. GOD I can’t wait to go to New York.

Name an inventor: Hedy Lamarr.

Name an article of clothing: Scarves.

Name an ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip, yum.

Name a religion: Buddhism.

Name an emotion: Resentment. 

Name a room in your house: My bedroom, because that’s where I’m staying in at the moment.

Name a website: Wikipedia.

Name a car: This is pretty vague. A kind of car? Hatchback. Are you looking for a make? Toyota. Or maybe a specific model? Honda Civic. I gotchu.

Name something you need to do today: SLEEP. I should not be awake at 11 PM.

Name someone you admire: Andi.

Name someone you miss: At the moment, nobody.

Name a part of the body: Elbow.

Name the last youtube video you watched: I bawled my eyes out to a video playing the audio to Ben&Ben’s Kathang Isip because that song makes so much goddamn sense and is relatable now. Can’t I just go back to a simpler time when that song was just fun to listen to and wasn’t actually relevant to my life? I hate music sometimes.

Name a quote you love: I don’t have one.