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ak319 · 18 days ago

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Lovesick Rich Gf x Fem gp reader

(Headcanon #2)

II Scenarios based, contains implied sexual themes and fluff II

"Where you off to, baby?" Roxi's voice rang out as she watched you shut the fridge door, a choco bar already halfway to your mouth. She eyed you suspiciously as you took a bite, clearly enjoying the sweet treat.

"Nothing, just Teddy called me, for a hangout," you mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate.

"And?" Her tone had an edge to it now, and you could feel her eyes boring into you.

You stopped chewing and flopped down beside her on the sofa, trying to seem casual. "And what?" You forced a grin, glancing past her at the perfect view of the beach outside the window, hoping to change the subject. Maybe she wouldn’t notice.

Roxi’s brows furrowed, and her expression turned from suspicious to outright annoyed. "Are you serious? We have a dinner with Mommy and Daddy."

Oh.

Shit.

You.

Had.

Forgotten.

"Um--"

"And they invited us a week ago!" Her voice grew louder, her frustration bubbling over as she leaned closer, her finger jabbing your chest lightly with each word.

You gulped, adjusting your hoodie as if that might shield you from the heat of her glare. "I know, I know. I just--forgot, alright?"

Roxi's eyes narrowed, her tone growing sharper and almost mocking. "Really? You are bullshitting right now. We talked about it yesterday!"

Right, after that long session when you were too tired to even reply. Of course, that's when she chose to bring up the most important stuff. Always.

You winced at the accusation, knowing she had a point. “Look, I swear, it just slipped my mind! Teddy called last minute, and I thought-”

She cut you off, her lips curling into a dangerously sweet smile as she leaned even closer, practically nose-to-nose with you now. “You thought what, exactly? That I wouldn’t notice if you ditched our dinner for some bro time?”

You tried to keep your cool, offering a weak smile. "Roxi, come on. You know I’d rather be with you. Look, I'm sorry, but I’ll be back before that. Like at 6. It's literally 2 right now."

She let out a sigh, a sure sign she was agreeing, but the hint of a pout on her lips told you she was still upset.

"C'mon, darling. Don’t be like that." You leaned in closer, flashing a playful smile. "Now be a good girl and send me off with a kiss."

She huffed and got up, moving toward the balcony. This was going to be tough.

You followed her, wrapping your arms around her from behind. This time, she spoke, but her words weren’t directed at you, they were for the life growing inside her.

"Your mom has clearly shown where her priorities lie."

"Roxi--how can you even say that?! Look at me." You spun her around, but she refused to meet your eyes.

"Roxi. I’m dead serious. Look. At. Me."

She met your gaze, her expression blank. "You know that’s not true. I work hard for you, for our future, and for our baby-"

"Work isn't the only way to show you care, y'know. There's attention, there's time, there's..." Her voice cracked as she started to sniffle, and your hold on her arms loosened.

"God, Roxi, I am---trying my best here...and I know sometimes I'm just not-"

She cut you off with a small nod. "No, I know. You’re doing so much, and of course, Daddy keeps you busy. I know it's tough and you know how he is but... I just sometimes miss the old you..."

She trailed off, her voice barely a whisper. She missed the time when you served only her before everything became so complicated. And deep down, you missed it too, your simple ass job. You felt like you were caught between two worlds, one where her father demanded the best from you, and one where you were her girlfriend. And now, the unexpected addition to your lives only made things more complicated.

It’s not like you regret any of it. You love her with all your heart, but sometimes you just need a break from all of this. Because she isn’t the only one who misses the way things used to be, you do too. Being rich and being with the rich is not as easy as it seems. There’s so much you have to be careful of, both professionally and personally. And then there’s your own family, who needs your time too. But spending time with her parents will always be a challenge to you, especially her father. God, he loved to give you a hard time.

"I love you, baby, I always will." You held her hand, pressing a kiss to the spot where the ring rested, letting your lips linger against her skin. She melted into you, immediately wrapping her arms around your neck, bringing her forehead to rest against yours.

"I love you too, my baby. Forever."

Without breaking the moment, you scooped her up in a bridal style and carried her over to the couch. The phone buzzed on the coffee table, Teddy’s name flashed on the screen. But right now, that didn't matter. You couldn't leave her like this, still in the haze of emotions from your conversation.

"Imma cuddle you to death for, I would say, 30 minutes, if that's alright, madame."

She let out a soft giggle as you laid her down on the spacious, cozy couch, settling beside her. "When has that ever been wrong?"

You grinned, nestling against her warmth. "By the way, Ava called, and she wants to meet up too, a couple’s date, y'know."

"Ava... as in Arlo's girlfriend?" Your eyes flickered with curiosity, and she nodded, knowing the memories those names stirred. Arlo and Ava are her old friends from high school. Arlo, now an F1 driver, and Ava, his lively partner, quickly took to you when you were introduced at Arlo's race.

"Yeah, yeah. Are you free next weekend?" she asked, her fingers tracing patterns on your chest. You considered it, then shrugged subtly.

"Maybe... I can't say for sure as of now, but-"

"No ifs or buts." She interrupted you, sliding herself closer, her lips just a breath away from yours. "Now you will be. Sunday’s cool." Her fingers brushed along the back of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

You felt a smirk tug at your lips as you leaned in, your voice low against her ear. "But what if I had other plans?"

Her gaze sharpened, and she arched a brow. "Cancel them. You can’t seriously think I’d let you spend your Sunday anywhere else when I’m right here." She punctuated her words with a teasing kiss on your jawline, her lips warm against your skin.

"Even if I had plans with Teddy?" You teased, watching the way her eyes narrowed slightly, her possessiveness slipping through.

She huffed, her hands sliding down your chest with just enough pressure to make your breath catch. "Oh, Teddy can wait. Tell him you’re busy... and I’m sure I can convince you to stay." Her lips grazed yours, teasingly slow, sending heat flooding through you.

You couldn't resist her--never could. Not when she was like this, a mix of playful and demanding, a glint of mischief in her eyes. And damn right, Roxi is well aware of this. With one swift movement, you reached over and silenced your phone, tossing it aside. "Teddy who?" you murmured against her lips, pulling her closer, your hands slipping under the hem of her shirt.

She laughed softly, her voice dropping to a whisper as her lips brushed yours again. "That’s what I thought, babe. Now, you’re all mine."

And as your mouth met hers, you both knew there was nowhere else you'd rather be.

・❥・

The evening starts with a romantic drive. You’ve convinced her that it’s just a regular date night, but as you drive her to your destination, she notices you’re taking a different route towards the beach. Roxi, ever curious, raises an eyebrow.

“Babe, where are we going?” she asks, looking out at the setting sun turning the sky shades of orange and pink.

You flash her a sly smile, keeping your gaze on the road. “You’ll see. Just trust me.”

You pull up to a secluded area by the beach, where the waves crash gently against the shore. Roxi steps out, and as she takes in the scene, she spots a path lined with lanterns and rose petals leading down to a private section of the beach. She glances back at you, her expression softening with a mix of curiosity and affection.

Guiding her by the hand, you lead her down the lit path. At the end, there’s a beautifully set-up picnic blanket, surrounded by flickering candles. It’s simple, yet filled with little details she loves, her favourite chocolate, the soft music of her favourite band playing from a hidden speaker, and a cosy setup with pillows to lounge on.

She sinks down onto the blanket, giggling as she sees her favourite flowers on display. “You really went all out, didn’t you?”

You sit beside her, your heart racing as you pour her a glass of a drink. “Only the best for you, Roxi.”

The two of you spend the next hour talking, laughing, and enjoying the sunset together, the conversation flowing effortlessly like always. But as twilight descends, your nerves kick in. You take a deep breath, glancing at her with a tender smile.

“I have one more surprise,” you say, your voice a little shaky. You stand up, and she tilts her head in confusion as you reach into your jacket pocket. Her eyes widen when she sees the small velvet box in your hand.

You drop to one knee, taking her hand in yours. For a moment, the world seems to slow, the sound of the ocean fading into the background.

“Roxi,” you begin, your voice steady but filled with emotion, “I’ve loved every single moment with you. From our lazy weekends to our spontaneous adventures, to those little fights about nothing that make us laugh five minutes later. You make every day better more beautiful, more vibrant, just like you are.”

Her eyes glisten, a soft smile playing at her lips, but she’s holding her breath, waiting for what’s next. What she had been dying to hear from you the moment she met you has finally come true!

“You’ve shown me what it means to love and be loved, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me. And now, you’re giving me the greatest gift, our little one, a part of you and me, our little baby. I know in my heart that they’re going to be so lucky, so blessed, to have you as their mother. They’ll grow up with your strength, your warmth, and that beautiful heart of yours. And I can’t wait to see the way your eyes light up when you hold them, the same way they do whenever you look at me. I want to build this future with you, with our little family. Roxi, will you marry me?”

She’s already tearing up, her hand covering her mouth, and for a second, you feel the world hanging in the balance. Then she laughs a sweet, joyful sound and nods, her eyes sparkling.

“Yes! Yes, of course, I will!” she says, practically launching herself into your arms, almost knocking you over. You catch her, both of you falling into the sand as you hold each other tightly, her lips meeting yours in a deep, breathless kiss.

When you pull back, still holding her close, you slip the ring onto her finger. It glimmers in the candlelight, but not nearly as much as her smile as she admires it. “You did good, babe,” she whispers against your lips, giving you a teasing smile.

"Anything for you, darling."

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ladykailitha · 9 days ago

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The Au Pair Boy Part 3

I'm living for the love for this story!! Thank you everyone!

I'm sorry to say that any requests to be added to the tag list will be ignored. It's all full up! But! You can follow me and put on notifications. That seems to work for most people!

In this we have a lot of growing pains and the girls try everything they can think of to keep Eddie home.

Part 1 Part 2

The next couple of days were spent ironing out of the kinks and setting expectations. Like when Steve scolded Janice for pulling on Joan’s braids and she yelled back that she wasn’t the boss of her.

Both girls went running to their dad.

Eddie looked down at his two little sun spots. “I don’t know why you’re coming to me about this, if Steve saw Jannie pulling Joanie’s hair, then he had every right to call it out. Just like Chrissy, just your uncles. He is in charge while I’m gone, so you better get used to his authority. Both of you girls go sit on your time out chairs for five minutes.”

Both girls gasped in shock, but after an intense showdown, they did as they were told.

“Thanks for that,” Steve said with a huff. “There’s always a little bit of give and take for first couple of weeks, and you laying down the law will really help that.”

Eddie smiled up at him. “It’s just been a tough year for them both. They’re old enough to remember Ethan, but young enough that it’s all the good and none of the bad. So they don’t understand why he left. I’ve been talking to a couple of therapists that think once they’re a little older, they want to start seeing both girls.”

“Nothing quite as traumatic as abandonment issues from an early age,” Steve said with a nod.

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

Steve sat down on the sofa with a sigh. “Unfortunately, yes. Only my parents did just enough to make sure I wasn’t taken away from them. Making sure their trips would only last long enough that it would be considered child abandonment and endangerment. Sending me gifts for my birthday and Christmas, but not being there.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Then as I got into high school, sending me money for groceries and gas. As well as a hefty allowance to make sure that I wouldn’t talk. ‘Let’ me throw lavish parties and then ground me when they found out. Only they would pack up and leave, knowing I’d ignore the grounding because they were gone. Just a bunch of stupid shit like that.”

Eddie’s expression softened. “In the Hall of Fame of shitty parents, that’s really up there, man.”

Steve let out a huff of bitter laughter. “I got the last laugh though. The second I turned eighteen and finished school, I told them I was running away with my best friend and joining the circus. Then I told them I was bisexual and never looked back.”

“So how was the circus?” Eddie asked with a grin.

“Not as fun as you’d expect,” Steve conceded. “Robin and I didn’t have anything like skills to be a performer, and wasn’t experienced in running the booths and rides, so we were part of the put up and take down crew.”

“So how did the nanny thing come about?” Eddie asked, crossing his legs and leaning his elbow on the arm of the chair.

“I used to babysit these kids when I was younger,” Steve said, putting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together, “and when the one’s dad died and left a hefty life insurance to his mom. She suddenly was overwhelmed and hired me to nanny for her.”

Eddie thought back to the resumé the agency had sent over. “Mrs. Henderson, right?”

“That’s the one,” Steve leaned back on the sofa. “Dustin was a good kid. Too smart and arrogant for his own good.”

“Then of course, Mrs. Henderson recommended me to her friends,” Steve said. “One of them said they would only hire me through an agency. My ex-girlfriend happened to work at a nanny agency while she was going to school and offered to put in a good word for me.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “That was nice of an ex. I don’t know if I have any exes that would do the same for me.”

Steve just shrugged. “We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms either, but I used to babysit her younger siblings and knew how good I was. Nancy Wheeler is nothing but logical. She knew I would be good at it.”

“I spoke to a Nancy earlier,” Eddie said thoughtfully. “She really went to bat for you.”

“That’s Nance for ya,” Steve huffed. “Tenacious to a fault. This is her last semester at college and then she’s going to go to Emerson to get her journalism degree. She wanted to get her generals out of the way so she wasn’t paying out the ass for them.”

Eddie smiled. “Looks like I really lucked out then.”

“I guess you did,” Steve said softly. “I did too. Having you here these last couple of days have really helped out. They are still going to have the worst meltdowns during that first week you’re gone, but knowing you’ve already set the boundary they’ll only butt against it instead crossing it.”

Eddie smirked. “They’ve chased off nannies before. It’s why I have a very specific list of do’s and don’t’s with anyone I hire.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it,” Steve chuckled. “Normally, I’d put them to bed, but because it’s your last night with them, I’d suggest you do it.”

“Of course,” Eddie said softly. “Thank you for taking good care of them, Steve. I’m really grateful to be leaving them in such capable hands. I don’t want to go on this tour, not really. But I need a break. I love my girls, but with Ethan leaving it feels like he took away my right to chose how to live my life.”

Steve got up and moved to the desk and sat down on it half way. “But at least you have the money and the wherewithal to make sure they are taken care of. Every parent needs a break once in awhile. You’ll go out there make your fans happy and then when you come back, you’ll appreciate them all the more for leaving.”

Eddie looked up at him, then his eyes fluttered shut. He pursed his lips together and leaned his head back. He opened his eyes to look at him again. “You don’t think I’m being a bad parent?”

“It does you no good to burn yourself out,” Steve soothed. “It would do them more harm if you burned out and couldn’t take care of them anymore.”

“I love them so much,” Eddie said, his lower lip quivering. “But not having any help except Chrissy occasionally made it hard.” Tears trickled down his cheeks.

Steve pulled out a tissue and handed it to him. Eddie let out a watery chuckle. “You didn’t have anyone close that could help you?”

Eddie wiped his eyes and shook his head. “My former bandmates kinda scattered all over the globe. Gareth in Wales where his family is from, Jeff in New York, and Brian in LA. My uncle, Wayne broke his leg just after Ethan left and he’s just barely moving around without a cane. I couldn’t make him watch two rambunctious four year olds.”

He let out a shuddering breath and then another. “A lot of the nannies we had kept trying to be their mother. One was even caught trying to teach Joanie to call her Mama.”

“That’s rough,” Steve murmured. “But I’m here to help you. I’m not going to try and replace you as their dad. Or even Ethan, really. I’m just an extra person you can rely on.”

“You don’t mind setting up the household staff do you?” Eddie asked, his voice still rough from the crying. He blew his nose and then threw the tissue away in a nearby garbage. “It’s just that I want people that will work well with you and not try to fight you on every little thing.”

Steve shook his head. “No I get it. Plus getting help for a place as big as this one, I’d need the help otherwise I’d wear myself out before you got home.”

Eddie chuckled. “Do you like the house? Some of the other nannies thought it was creepy.”

“Mr. Muns–” Steve began but Eddie cut him off.

“Call me Eddie,” he said softly. “Mr. Munson makes me feel old and I’m not ready for that yet.”

“All right, Eddie,” Steve murmured back, “I think it’s spooky in a fun way. It’s not creepy. It’s beautifully decorated. I’ve seen creepy. Like tiger and elephant heads mounted on the walls with fully stuffed birds and in one horrifying case a Tasmanian wolf.”

“Aren’t those extinct?” Eddie asked with a grimace.

“Oh yeah,” Steve said, moving to sit on on the desk all the way, to put some distance between them. Before he did something stupid like kiss his boss. “I made sure to report his taxidermy to the Feds on the way out.”

“Brutal.”

“Dude was creep and his wife wasn’t much better,” Steve said with a shrug. “I felt sorry for their kids. They didn’t deserve having parents like those.”

“What made you leave?” Eddie asked, honestly curious on how Steve could have gone through so many clients considering he didn’t seem very old.

Steve kicked his feet a little, careful not to kick Eddie. “They aged out of needing one. They were already pre-teens when I got hired. They basically only needed someone to pick them up from school and make them dinner before their parents came home.”

“How long were you with them?” Eddie asked, more to keep Steve there then any real curiosity he had. Yeah, he had been curious about what made him leave, but this was blatant flirting at this point.

Steve laughed. “What’s this, more interview?” he teased. “No, in all seriousness, it was about a year. Most of my clients only need me temporarily anyway. I’m pretty sure that for at least three of them, their friends or family got to them about me being a guy, because they hired a female nanny soon after.”

“That’s bullshit,” Eddie huffed. “I’m sorry that they kept doing that to you. If anyone says anything to you, send them my direction. I’ll set them straight.”

“Thanks,” Steve murmured. He checked his watch. “It’s about time for me to make dinner.”

Eddie nodded and watched him leave. Once Steve had closed the door to his office behind him, Eddie put his head in his hands. It was so hard to keep his hands to himself when Steve was that close.

He just hoped that the three months he was going to be gone would be enough to put out the fire in his gut for his new nanny for fuck’s sake. He needed to get laid, Jesus fucking Christ!

The rest of the night passed with relative ease. Steve made meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes with corn on the side.

Night time went well, too. Both girls drifting off to sleep quickly.

Morning, though? That was what was fraught with difficulties and tantrums.

Joan refused to get dressed, flopping on the floor and sobbing uncontrollably. Janice dumped her cereal on the floor, kicking and screaming like a toddler. Joan threw herself at the door while Janice tried to hide Eddie’s shoes.

Eddie stared Janice right in the eye as he pulled out another pair of shoes out of his carry-on. And then another out of his suitcase. He put the shoes back in the suitcase, but pulled on the shoes from his carry-on. All while Janice stood there with her jaw on the floor.

Steve pulled Joan away from the door so Eddie could open it and both girls started crying. Eddie hugged and kissed each girl goodbye.

Steve picked up both girls and held them up to the window so they could wave goodbye as Eddie drove off.

He set them down and they both flopped on the floor like ragdolls. He let them lay there for awhile, even taking advantage of Joan not moving to get her dressed. He put his hands on his hips it was going to be a long week. A very long week.

Tag List: CLOSED

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2- @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

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4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @sadisticaltarts @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @dolphincliffs @steddie-as-they-go @steddieislife

10- @kultiras @morallyundefined @ollieolive @themoonagainstmers @tartarusknight

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #nanny steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #nanny au

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mustainegf · 2 months ago

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Hi, Elena! I need some hurt/comfort bittersweet story with Kirk (any era). He tells his girlfriend about his tough childhood with a crazy father, and the reader comforts him in a sweet manner 🥺

𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐃 ¹⁹⁹⁰

That summer was thick with heat to our heads like a wool blanket. Even with the windows open, the small cabin we had rented on the outskirts of Mill Valley felt like an oven. Kirk sprawled all over the leather couch, shirtless, his dark hair curled at his damp forehead. I was sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning back against the cool stone at the fireplace, with a half glass of wine in my hand.

We hadn't been together very long, only a year, but it felt like forever. We were comfortable together. We didn't talk much about his life on the road. He was Kirk Hammett, after all. The Kirk Hammett. Lead guitarist for Metallica. But all of it went away when it was just him and me.

He'd been quiet that night, quieter than usual. I could tell something was chewing at him, but I didn't push. I just watched him, the way his fingers strummed the air, searching for comfort of the guitar. Finally, he turned in my general direction, his eyes blacker than the dark night coming through the windows into the room.

"You want to know why I never talk about my dad?" he murmured lowly.

This made me nod, he'd said it so suddenly that I knew he must've been thinking about it for a while. I set my glass on the table and moved to sit closer on the sofa, letting my leg fall against his. He didn't pull away as he turned to me.

"He was a mean son of a bitch," Kirk began, his voice rough, like gravel scraping the bottom of a shoe. "He'd beat the shit out of my mom, and me too if he was drunk enough. I was just a kid, but I remember every goddamn moment..."

I stayed silent, letting him talk, my mouth going dry as I imagined his childhood. He never opened up like this before. I reached out, and my fingers found his. He grabbed onto my hand tight.

"There was this one time," he continued, his voice full of the memory, "My 16th birthday... He came home late, drunk as hell, and just went at my mom. I can still hear her crying, begging him to stop." A hint of the crack in his voice, I squeezed his hand tighter, for him to continue. "I just… I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped on him to pull him off her. He turned around and hit me so hard I..."

Kirk stopped, and his eyes dove into mine for anything I could offer. I felt stinging tears in my eyes, not only for him, but for the little boy he'd been, for the one who had grown up too soon in a house of fear.

"One day I woke up and he was gone," he said, his voice barely more than a breath. "My mom was on the floor, bleeding. I thought she was dead, but she wasn't. Somehow, she wasn't. I tried to help her, but I didn't know what to do. I was just a kid, you know? I was so fucking scared."

His hand swallowed around mine in a way that made me want to move closer, to try and hide him from such terrifying memories, I knew actions spoke louder than words. "Kirk, baby..." I whispered in a. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, a bitter smile twisting his lips. "Don't be. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault but his."

We sat silent for a little while, his admission hanging heavy. I mean, how could I ever find the words to say? But I wanted him to know I was there for him, that more than anything, I wasn't going anywhere. I moved in and kissed his cheek, teared with the taste of salt through his wet skin, and he turned into me, burying his face into my neck.

"I never told nobody that," he murmured. "Just James."

I held him, felt his heart. That was all he seemed to need. "You don't have to carry it alone... Not anymore," I said softly, my fingers mindlessly toying with his tight curls. "I'm here, Kirk..."

He pulled back far enough to look at me. "I'm scared," he confessed. "That I'll end up like him. That I'll hurt you."

I shook my head, pressing my forehead to his. "You're not him," I told him firmly. "You could never be him. You're kind and you're good, and I know you'd never hurt me... or anyone for that matter."

For a beat, he just stared at me, his eyes boring into my own. Then he kissed me. Though a tad shocked, I kissed him back just as sweetly.

When we finally pulled apart, Kirk smiled. His fingers traced the outline of my face. He had this look... Perhaps it was peace, or maybe the beginning of it.

#mustainegf #fanfic #fanfiction #reqs open #request #metallica #metallica x reader #metallica fanfiction #metallica fluff #kirk hammett x you #kirk hammett fluff #kirk hammett x reader smut #kirk hammett x reader #kirk hammett imagines #kirk hammett #metallica oneshot #metallica smut #metallica imagines

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thebearme · 3 months ago

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Here's a redraw depicting of Yu's parents

The second worst parents in p4. The first goes to Rise's parents but again I'm not in the mental state to unpack her child actor trauma to all of you.

I haven't given these two a name yet but we'll get to that later...

Anyway TW childhood neglect, Physical abuse

I don't have much of them being genuine people with their own life, only the shit parenting but there one.

Yu's mom works as a lawyer. My og idea for the dad is to be a train conductor but idk might change it.

Yu's parents when together tend to like a one brain unit, a professional partnership. But they're never seen being lovingly to each other because of the fact that they don't have time to be together.

They both have hard and demanding jobs where they're rarely at home to take care of Yu. And when they are home, they just give Yu a expensive gift to make it up. Never actually spending time with them.

Yu's parents tend to get Yu into extracurricular activity to keep him busy and be a well rounded person. Yu is now great at athleticism, paper crafts and piano. But he really hates playing piano. (brightside, he can now make a origami pile when stressed)

Yu's parents rarely call but when they do it's for grades. (which is canon! They only called once in the whole game and it was to Dojima not Yu and ONLY for HIS FUCKING GRADES?!)

Yu's dad usually handles the physical punishment while Yu's mom has most "normal" punishment. (like no dinner, groundings and yellings) but because how cold she could be the punishment emotionally hurt as well. So when Yu does something he wasn't supposed to, he prefer dad to know than mom.

They tend to not notice much when it comes to Yu but once he came back from Inaba, they noticed that Yu was more vibrant in his personality and feelings. But it started getting minimizes as Yu remembered that he can't really be talkative and open to his parents. (Yu's parents don't like him being happy.)

Dojima doesn't really understand the full extent of how Yu is being raised or how his sister acts much now. He knows that when growing up she was always the most serious and pretty much only cared about getting out of their home town. He could never blame her for that, there really isn't much opportunity in middle of nowhere town. They are both tough, workaholics, but the difference is that Dojima is soft at heart. He wants to take care of his child and is willing to change for that.

Luckily when Yu was younger he had a babysitter/nanny taking care of him. But sadly it didn't last long, soon Yu had to learn to take care of himself. In Which he did pretty well besides the bizarre eating from time to time.

And you would think with having a neglectful and lonely homelife with absence parents Yu would get friends for a distraction? RIGHT?? NO! Yu doesn't talk to kids his age so they don't get attach when he eventually moves away again. A lesson he inertly got taught by his parents...

Back when Yu and Yosuke first became friends, Yu would try to make him laugh with dark humor. (it didn't work and it just made Yosuke concerned in his homelife.)

When Yu first realized Nanako is using to being alone and taking care of herself something clicked into place. "I know how that feels, I don't want Nanako to be alone like I was. It isn't right."

As of the time of p4, Yu doesn't know that his parents are abusive. But they'll realize later in life, and that's when Yu spends more time in Inaba than his homecity.

Idk but when writing about Yu's parents it makes me feel like I nothing and everything to say about them. I tried to not think about them much because I pulled things from my own childhood for this, I literally was unpacking my own stuff of my mom as I was first writing them.

So if you have any questions like "how was Yu's parents when ___?" I'll try to answer.

#tw childhood trauma #tw emotional neglect #tw physical abuse #persona 4 #p4 yu #narukami yu #yu narukami #souji seta

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donnerpartyofone · 8 days ago

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One of the main things I have learned from the internet, that I think would never have broken out this way in real life, is how extraordinarily intolerant people are of learning that someone, somewhere doesn't like their favorite thing. People you would never have met in your life will become so hurt and scared and heartbroken over knowing that you, a complete stranger who they probably wouldn't even like, have "rejected" them in this way that they will act absolutely weird about it to your face. The acting-weird often involves these tough guy antics that are designed to cover for their hurt feelings--they try to turn it around like YOU were hurt by THEM, even though you had no awareness of them or their interests and the actual tough guy thing to do would be for them to just not give a shit about you. It's like they sort of know that they're just exposing their patheticness in public, but they can't or won't control themselves, so they just plunge into a spiral of acting weirder and more pathetic until you really wish their mom would come pick them up.

This message brought to you by the fact that the only time anyone is ever rude to me on Letterboxd, which is a weird place to go after someone to begin with, it's in the comments of my bad review of THE HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS. Edgelord dudes, who are some of the most delicate flowers on the entire internet, will come after me because I said something mean about their imaginary girlfriend Asia Argento, and they try to frame it like I'm the one who's getting trolled and acting butthurt because otherwise, obviously, this would all be far too embarrassing. And let's be clear that they're specifically standing up for the movie based on the "memoir" of a pathological liar who pretended to be like the queer hustler version of a Dickensian orphan; Asia Argento was friends with (and dated, depending on your take) someone she believed to be this person, so talk about getting trolled. But more to the point, she's been credibly accused of grooming and raping the boy she cast in her very bad movie about exploited children. Like maybe this is not the hill you wanna die on, guys, maybe you should go express your grief to people who don't like XXX instead.

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itsaspectrumcomic · 9 months ago

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This is going to be long but i really want to tell someone the guilt is eating me alive and please feel free to ignore this

I have been suspecting I have adhd from the last six months now because many symptoms do match and some adhd tips help me out a lot

But since i don't have the family or support or finances(I am a minor ) to actually get to a doctor i can't really be sure and maybe i don't have it but since so many things do match i hope it's alright to rant here please please feel free to ignore this

My great grandfather passed away in November but it actually started in September when I got a fracture so I had to remain at home for a month and I am just a lazy person so ofc it was an excuse for me to like stop studying in August I had a big exam and it had went well but at that time i didn't think so

So yeah after a month of fracture comes October my extra classes and school and my innate phone addiction i do t study even tho I have a big exam that month again . I struggle with focus a lot and i just i don't know how to type it's it's so shameful but i just find every minor inconvenience to be an excuse. My mom is emotionally abusive maybeand homophobic or tough parenting but her words had started affecting me a lot .

Then in October end November start my grandfather passed away and it took an obvious toll on me and I don't think I am still over it and it amplified my phone addiction because he used to be in the room beside me so i wasn't ever fully alone even tho he was old and now that he is gone the silence is unnerving and i have to distract myself enough to sleep my October big exam already went to shit

And in December again I am not studying I can't study and my brain refuses to sit still and maybe I have a victim complex but things start to take a toll I start getting some suicidal thoughts which were only passive before but now active

Now from January everything is just the same I am still not able to study

I disappoint myse6and everyone no-one knows i cheat on my exams I just I am not a good person and i am lying to myself and everyone so much and YK the gifted kid thjnv I was a good kid and my mom keeps making comparisons and she says she would never have talked to me if i wasn't her daughter and i am so tired I want to get better but i just don't know how I have trouble sleeping I have trouble studying I can't do anything right i can't wake up in the morning i can't do anything right and I just want everything to end but I do not even deserve to put that pain on my parents and my exams are coming up and I just don't know how how do I do anything

Hello, I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. It sounds like you are and have been going through a lot and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Having trouble focusing or studying does not make you a bad person, and your mum absolutely should not be saying those things to you. You don't deserve that, I promise.

The truth is, losing a family member is hard, dealing with an injury is hard, dealing with emotional abuse is hard, and it takes time to work through things like that, so I'm not surprised you've been having a hard time with school on top of everything else.

It sounds like you could really do with some support. Is there someone you can talk to about how you've been feeling? A friend, a teacher, a counsellor, another authority figure you trust?

(Also if you talk to your teachers about how you're struggling to study, they might even be able to give you some extra help or lessons if you need it.)

Please try not to feel guilty or put so much pressure on yourself. It's ok not to be perfect even at the best of times. Thank you for being here ❤️

#ask #anon ask #adhd #exams #advice #tw depression #tw suicide mention #long post

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stonebutchery · 10 months ago

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Lakey's Smash or Pass: Leigh Whannell Edition

Axel from The Matrix Reloaded (2003) dir. Lily and Lana Wachowski

Being a Matrix franchise character, I've loved Axel long before I ever started giving a shit about Leigh Whannell as an actor/screenwriter. I love Axel so much, I would do everything and anything to save him. If I were a character in this universe and a resident of Zion, I would try to get him to stay home and never embark on the Vigilant. Do not doubt my commitment. I need him alive, I need to be his lover. I care about him.

Verdict: SMASH

David from Saw (2003) dir. James Wan

There is absolutely nothing and no one that could keep me from pouring all of my energy and time and love and care into helping David defend himself legally after the events of the Saw proof-of-concept short film. I actually explained everything I would do if I were his defense attorney in this post. I don't really want to be his lawyer, though. I want to be his boyfriend. I want to be the one that posts his bail if possible... and, if not possible, I would come to visit him as often as I was legally and physically able to just to give him someone to talk to. I want to show up for his trial dates as moral support. I want to let him move in with me when he's finally acquitted and needs someone to lean on. I want to hold David. I want to hug him. I want to kiss him, kiss him softly. On the cheeks and neck and lips. I want to fuck this man. I will reset him, re-calibrate him, via prostate orgasm. I want to shatter his world and put it back together... who said that...

Verdict: SMASH

Adam from Saw (2004) dir. James Wan

I care very deeply about Adam. I would take care of this dude. I honestly just want to support him. I'm very aware of the fact that I have a service-oriented loyalty complex like some kind of human PTSD dog and I embrace that fact about myself. I love Adam like a really close roommate or a best friend or maybe an ex-boyfriend I'm on really good terms with and I still care a lot about platonically. I want to let Adam freeload. I want to let him move in with me and not pay rent because he needs the support and he's too depressed to care for himself lately. I want to wash his hair. I want to do his laundry with mine, I want to cook and share meals with him, I want to gently pressure him into calling his mom back because I want to see his situation and mood improve. I'd volunteer to go with him to appointments of any kind to be his advocate in any medical, business, social services or whatever setting. I'd know I'm not responsible for him but I'd want him to know he could lean on me when he needs it. But I don't really want to smash. It wouldn't be a non-option, but I'd much rather talk to him about politics and art over some dinner in our shared apartment.

Verdict: PASS

Spink from Death Sentence (2007) dir. James Wan

Anyone who actually, genuinely knows me knows that Michael Scofield from Prison Break was one of my first guycrushes... Not the actual first, but certainly one of them. Spink is the same kind of twink as Michael Scofield. Looks aside, he thinks he's tough and hard while compensating for shortcomings and vulnerabilities. I find that insanely attractive. I want to be the one who gets him off speed, I want to be the one who talks him into leaving the gang and fleeing to Canada or Alaska with me without police intervention so that he doesn't have to make deals he's uncomfortable with that will end up costing him his freedom and an actual chance at a fresh start. Where was I going with this? Doesn't matter. I'm smashing that twink.

Verdict: SMASH

Matt from Dying Breed (2008) dir. Jody Dwyer

I can't, in good conscience, say that I would smash Matt, at least not on his own. Conditional smash. I'd want to be Matt and Nina's third. I don't want to get in the way of what they have. I think they're both so adorable. And, yes, I think they're both attractive and sweet. They clearly care a lot about each other and respect each other and show each other affection in a boundary-sensitive way. Because I live in denial, I also live in a fantasy world of my own interiority's creation in which Nina and Matt escaped their captors and managed to survive and they make it back to Ireland and I would absolutely be ready and willing to be their support person. I want to be their third, also in a roommate-like way, or maybe as a domestic partner? But I absolutely care about them and I'd do anything for them. The old "it's rotten work / not to me, not if it's you" and all that. Trauma-informed bisexual polyamory. Love wins.

Verdict: SMASH

Specs from Insidious (2010) dir. James Wan, Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) dir. James Wan, Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015) dir. Leigh Whannell, Insidious: The Last Key (2018) dir. Adam Robitel, and Insidious: The Red Door (2023) dir. Patrick Wilson

Jesus Christ, I am so fucking crazy about Steven "Specs" Fisher. I lose all composure when I see him. His dorkyass endearing nerd aura drives me insane with lust. I have never needed anything as badly as I need to flirt with him and make him feel special. Not to be NSFW but I will also note that I am a trans Specs truther and want it to be known that I can, would, and will eat this man out. I will handjob finger this man to several orgasms. As a stone butch service top, I'm a giver only so he doesn't have to worry about reciprocating, anyway, if that's a going concern. Sorry for how crude I sound, I just want to make this man cum.

Verdict: SMASH

Donovan from The Debt Collector (2012) dir. Rich Ceraulo Ko

Goddamn. I need to spot him from across the room at a dive bar punk show, make my way over there, tell him he has beautiful hands, pretty eyes, and a cute face, offer to buy him a drink, ask him if he wants to come back to my place, and hook up with him.

Verdict: SMASH

David from Crush (2013) dir. Malik Bader

Truth be told, I've never seen Crush. He looks like a nice enough guy. I wouldn't not smash... but he's definitely not at the top of my list.

Verdict: SMASH

Clement from The Pardon (2013) dir. Tom Anton

Given the fact that Clement Moss was, in fact, a real man who actually existed and really did try and fail to defend an innocent woman from being sent to her death by electric chair in the 1940s, I must respectfully pass.

Verdict: PASS

Doug from Cooties (2014) dir. Cary Murnion and Jonathan Milott

Come with me on a little journey of imagination, will you? Imagine, with me, a desolate world where a rapidly-spreading virus has taken possession of a significant percentage of children across the country, the catastrophe quickly spreading to the rest of the world. Trust me, human encampments are popping up to defend against the zombie scourge. Think of one of the many enclaves of surface-dwellers in Fallout. Think of a camp like that where survivors have situated themselves advantageously, they function communally, and welcome clean, virus-free outsiders regardless of whether they can pitch in to help or not. I like to imagine I'd be keeping myself safe in a fort or a settlement like that, and I like to imagine that Doug and the band of teachers traveling together would be taken in by such a place, sanctuary rule style. Doug? Doug is a hard pass for me, sexually and romantically, but he seems like he could really use someone to talk at. So imagine, one last time, a group of adults prepping nightly communal dinner from non-perishable foods (we are 100% making some meatless chili with canned beans, corn, and other veggies and seasoning it well so that everyone has some comfort food before bed)... and, while I'm working the gas stove, keeping a big ol' batch of the vegetarian chili hot to serve, I let Doug take my chair and sit down and ramble and infodump away while I dish out servings to our comrades. Doesn't that sound nice? And, yes, believe me, I'll be trying to reform some of his wayward misconceptions about everything. I can't outright discard him. It may have been for comic relief but we're TBI buddies, so I empathize. He seems like a well-meaning dude with some issues that can be smoothed out, autism-to-autism communication style. So, respectfully, I pass.

Verdict: PASS

Gavin from The Mule (2014) dir. Tony Mahony and Angus Sampson

Good fucking grief. Gavin Alastair Ellis. Gavin would absolutely hate me for it but I would not be afraid to scrap, punch, bite, and claw Ray in order to lay claim over Gavin… and, listen, we can make the polyamory thing work but only as a throuple composed of two people who hate each other but who both love the person who serves as the keystone member of the relationship. That's the only way this is going to work. Ray's a sweet dude but he is not my type, not for this. Realistically, we'd probably be on very friendly terms because I do think Ray's alright… but I need Gavin in such a deeply carnal way so bad it makes me look stupid. Oh my God. This slut made me cry.

Verdict: SMASH

Larry from The Bye Bye Man (2017) dir. Stacy Title

You couldn't get me to feel anything for this man even if you forced me to at gunpoint.

Verdict: PASS

Matt from Keep Watching (2017) dir. Sean Carter

I need to fuck him sloppy... by the way, if you even care.

Verdict: SMASH

Jatt from Legend of the Guardians (2010) dir. Zack Snyder

This is literally an animated owl from a piece of children's media. DISQUALIFIED.

Verdict: HARD PASS

#i hope lakey dies

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urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites · 5 months ago

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hello! take your time with doing this, just thought it'd be fun to figure out which (pjo/mean girls) character you'd ship me with<3

I'm fem presenting, she/they, pansexual. i have really wavy (and sometimes frizzy) dark brown hair that goes down to my back (it's pretty curly after washing though) and i also have brown eyes! im the brown triad because my skin, too, is infact brown lmao (desi)

also have glasses! normal half moon shape if that matters?

i generally have a bit of a resting bitch face (I DONT MEAN IT I PROMISE) and mostly only smile a lot when I'm talking to people I like. unfortunately that makes people NOT COME UP TO ME !!!! DKDKFK :(

i imprint on people really soon (bpd) and like. absolutely if someone is nice to me for a minute I'll try my best to be their friend forever, but also it doesn't often show how enthusiastic I am for a friendship

very autistic so I need clear cut statements or I'll overthink to the point of having a THESIS about how much someone hates me

im kind of hyper. very very VERY hyper, and my love language is physical touch + words of appreciation.

bit of a mom friend - like. im also the therapist friend and i appreciate it <33

personality tests describe me as like, creative and analytic and shit? im fatally realistic but still a romantic to a point. also an absolute NERD, YES! also very protective. I've punched people for hurting my friends before yes

I'm not very active, my hobbies include reading and literary analysis and also, eating lmao.

idk if I should include anything else? sorry if this isn't enough for you 😭😭 um. if it helps I'm a daughter of hecate from like two quizzes, a daughter of venus from three !

Your Fandom Ship(s): Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girls) and Clarisse La Rue (PJO, luckyyyy)

OK, the main reason I ship you with Gretchen out of all the mean girls characters is I think you could be really helpful to her as a nice person and I think that maybe at first she thought you were a bit intimidating because we are resting bitch face, but eventually got over it and realized you were really nice person and especially after Regina she needs a lot of people that she can count on and a lot of truly kind souls which I feel like is a place that you could fulfill because you seem like a kind person and I feel like when you get on deeper terms of a relationship, you guys would actually be really well together and helping solve some of your Own personal issues and just have a really beneficial relationship. I thinkA as autism. She would be a bit confused, but once she got the hang of it, she would be pretty good at giving you clear and cut instructions at least the best of her abilities.

OK, you guys would be like an insanely cute couple. I just see kind of like enemies to lovers tension here but I mean honestly I just love the idea of you too together. I think that it would be funny for her to meet you because she would definitely think you’re kind of tough because you’re resting bitch face and then once she gets past that and sees that you’re really nice person I feel like you would kind of melt her heart a little bit and I mean, give me wrong. She would absolutely go rough on you at first, but I mean once she realizes your limitations. She would respect those and I just feel like you guys would be a really good couple together. She would know all your autism and boundaries solidly into the relationship, and yeah, just be super awesome and supportive and again the enemies lovers tension. I feel like it’s kind of rare in her life to have someone who really has her back and I feel like she thought it was super hot. The first time you punched someone for making fun of how muscular she was for a girl or something like that, and I don’t know I just feel like she feels like you really have her back and you guys have a nice stable relationship.

#pjo #clarisse la rue #clarisse pjo #clarisse x reader #mean girls #gretchen wieners

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kayhi808 · 1 year ago

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Billy Mine - Act 2.12

"HELP ME! Please help me!" I take off my wrap and try to stop the bleeding. I put pressure on the wound & Billy hisses, and I cry harder. My senses are over loaded with the coppery scent of Bill's blood. I recognize men from Dad's detail hurrying my way. They see Bill & immediately radio for an ambulance. "Please help him."

"I'm going to be ok. I've been shot worse than this. This is nothing."

I interlink my pinkie finger with his, "Don't lie to me, William!"

He grimaces, while agents try to adjust & move him, "What did you just call me??" Groaning, "I pinkie swear, they'll fix me up and I'll be fine."

"Take Ms Ellis to her parents," they try to pry me from Billy.

"Are my folks ok?" I feel guilty that my thoughts were only on Billy. I'm a terrible daughter.

"They're unharmed. Look, the EMTs are here. We'll get Russo to a hospital and taken care of. Right now, you need to let him go & go to your parents." I'm not paying attention to what this guy is telling me. The EMTs are with Bill and start cutting away Billy's jacket and I move to get a better view of what they're doing to him. The agent grabs me around my waist to physically move me and I struggle.

"No! I need to stay," trying to shove him off me. "Take your hands off me!" Bill weakly tries to come to my aide, not liking another man touching me.

"Jules! Let them help him." My dad's voice freezes me. He gathers me from the agent and I cling to him. "Its ok, baby. I got you. They'll take care of him." I cry into his jacket.

"Sir, we need to get your family to the residence." My dad's hold on me tightens.

"No! I'm going to the hospital with Bill," trying to pull away from him, too. I feel my chest tighten & it's getting harder to breathe.

Trying to placate me, "They'll keep us posted on his condition, I promise," steering me towards the cars.

As we head to towards the car, I see 3 men laying face down on the ground with their hands zip-tied behind their back. I assumed they were the shooters when one turns his head towards me. It's one of those assholes that tried to abduct me! He gives me a wink and a smirk and all I see is RED. I jerk away from my father & dive under the reach of the agents guarding the shooter, catching them unaware. My behavior is completely unlike the Juliet they are used to. I'm able to grab that son of a bitch by the hair & pound his face into the concrete, followed by my fist to his nose. I could hear the bone crunch and I revel in his scream. I'm yanked back behind the barrier of agents before I could hit him again.

"Juliet, knock it off!!"

I face off with my dad, "If you don't get them to take me to the hospital, I'll find a way down there on my own! I swear to God!"

My mom rushes to us, "Patrick, she's not going to listen. Let her go." She slowly walks over to me & wraps me up in her coat, "Are you hurt, darling? Did they hurt you?" Tears spill down my mom's cheeks.

Hugging her close, "I'm fine. They didn't hurt me. They shot Billy." She pulls away to look at me, brushing my hair out of my face & kisses my forehead. "Thank you, Mom."

She nods. "Your dad still needs to talk to the police, but we'll meet you at the hospital, ok?" I nod gratefully. "Billy will be ok. He's tough. He's a survivor. " She kisses me again & nudges me off towards one of the SUVs & bodyguard.

*****

Riding in the back seat, wrapped up in my mom's coat, her perfume soothes & calms me. The chill of the New York evening doesn't compare to the chill in my heart, as I stare at my lover's blood staining my hands. Billy Mine. I can't lose him again.

"Charlie? Do you have your go-bag back here? Can I borrow your clothes? I know it won't really fit, but I can't wear this dress, it's all torn up."

"Uh yea. Its in the back." I start climbing over the seat. "Hey, be careful! Shit." I find some sweatpants & tshirt. I also take his socks. I can't wear these heels and I can't go barefoot. His shoes are too big. I plop down in the seat behind him to change & he cant see me at this angle.

"I promise to pay you back!" I hear an ambulance siren coming up from behind. As it passes us, I see the lights on in the back, which means they're working on someone. "Charlie??"

"Yea, that's them. We're right behind them. Don't worry."

*****

The bright lights & noise of a NYC emergency room on a Saturday night is unreal. People yelling. Children crying. I'm overwhelmed. I hate hospitals. The smell alone makes me nauseous. Charlie got us in, but we aren't able to get any information out of the nurse on duty since I'm not family. I know she has a hard job & I feel terrible for hounding her, but I need to see Billy. She doesn't budge an inch. I made Charlie show her his secret service badge, nothing. She says I'm not family & to have a seat.

"I'll be back. Restroom." I leave Charlie in the waiting room & go to the restroom to wash my hands. They are still covered in Billy's' blood. I start to cry again. I can't just stay here and do nothing. I decide to go exploring. Charlie is going to kill me, but...sorry, Charlie. I catch the elevator up a couple of floors, walk out into a nice & quiet ward. Just my luck, I pass a closet with hospital gowns. I grab 2 so I can layer up and not have my ass out in the open.

It takes some sneaking and dodging of the hospital staff but I make it down to the emergency room again. I swear, Billy is like a beacon to me. I wander, but I know I'm getting closer, when I break out in goose bumps. Billy's near. I peak around a curtain & he's there. It feels like deja vu. Billy is shirtless, with his left shoulder bandaged up, asleep. Just like how I found him when he was in the infirmary, 25 odd years ago. I sit at the foot of his bed & place my hand on his blanketed foot. I think I sit there for a good 10 minutes, calm now that i'm with him again & he seems fine.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I turn to find a very angry and frightening man at the curtains edge. Stockier than Billy, but still much bigger than I am. He looks like a boxer, who had his nose broken a few times. He looks dark & dangerous and very angry with me. "Who the hell are you? "

I don't think my throat works. He's terrifying. "She's my Bunny." I turn back around to Billy. His eyes are still closed, but there a trace of a smile on his lips.

@idaofinfinity @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @e-dubbc11 @bustlingcrowdsxorxsilentsleepers @snowkestrel @jvanilly @russosafehaven @celestialams

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #billy mine #billy mine x bunny girl

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regular-lord-reckoner · 4 months ago

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hello.

just wanted to pop in for a minute because i said i would and then i didn't, so...here i am finally.

not much is really new, i guess, nothing all that good anyway.

i guess the one bit of good news is our "neighbors" R and C finally moved their camper back to where it was before this arrangement which is still in the same city just on an actual campground. That was at the beginning of this month so that's been nice.

again, nothing against them personally really, it's just...they were always right there, y'know?

especially it seemed every time i'd be at my wit's end for one reason or another and all i'm trying to do is get a package off the porch or let the dog out and then here's one of them just pulling up or C especially would get home from work and just...be in the yard until the sun went down.

and i'd have to just force a smile and act like i'm not completely losing my shit when all i wanted was just to go back inside so that was kinda rough, but it's over now so yay.

i won't complain too much because i know i did a lot of that before and i really don't mean to be so hard on them or on anyone, but it did feel at times like things just sort of crossed the line at least in my mind, but I feel like I can get over it easier now that they're not right there.

although I'm not as sure about R. I don't really know fully what's going on with her, but she's really made herself unpopular at work by the sounds of it and from what i gather it's because she's being rude to the patients and her coworkers.

like, i've heard several times now where something happened that's actually something she did wrong, but rather than just own the mistake and try to fix it she just...argues with whoever pointed it out to her until she gets all upset and goes crying into one of the managers offices and i dunno if it's because she's still trying to get them to just fire her or what, but like....they're not gonna, they don't want to pay her unemployment.

and i still stand by, hey, if that's the route you want to go about this, at least do it in a way that doesn't take out your shit on other people, especially ones who don't deserve it.

and what's really pissed me off is she actually checked in another family friend of ours who really wasn't feeling well (and even had to tell R that to try to get her to back off), but i guess she didn't recognize her even though they've met and for whatever reason she gave this friend that hardest fucking time for no goddamn reason.

like gaslighting her about what time she actually got there for her appointment and was telling her she wouldn't be seen even though she really wasn't even that late and then she even started being rude to one of the other patients standing there waiting and that friend had to come to their defense and it just makes me wonder like...how many other patients is this happening with?

again, just...hate it that you're unhappy here, genuinely sorry this job is giving you such a tough time, but i'm really just at a loss here because i've offered to help train her further, i've given her the names of people who could help further train her, i've given her some pointers and tips and i've also emphasized just how important it is for that job to be done correctly (especially as it affects my mom's schedule) and yet she still just shows up every day, half-asses it without accepting any help from anyone even when they offer, gets pissed off at everyone including the patients and then dips early to leave the other front desk person to be the last one out every day.

okay!!! i guess!!!

and it's also made me mad because she has talked some to that other front desk lady who's of course relayed this to my mom, but like...apparently R's version of events is that she's just go unhappy living down here and was happier where they were before and it's so sad because they did us this huge favor by coming down here to help take care of my dad and she just doesn't know what's happened now and blah blah blah, but by the sounds of it i guess this situation was really helpful to them financially which is great, but like............that was never the deal!!!

it also just kills me like, wait a minute......you guys VOLUNTEERED to help with my dad. we did not ask you. in fact, he wasn't really the biggest fan of the idea, nor was i. my mom wanted the help, though, so she agreed, but even she made it clear that they didn't have to do that because even she was on the fence about doing something that big.

we also had to work it out with the county and everything and they had told us we could only do it for six months but it ended up being 10 and no one ever came out and said anything or told us to stop, but that alone right there was like....hey, we can't guarantee anything, they may come out here the day the six months is up and tell you guys to pack it up, we have no clue, but point is....this was never an indefinite arrangement.

we said we'd play it by ear and see how it goes and i guess my mom really want to give C plenty of time to do whatever projects he was going to do, but this was never, ever once mentioned about being a mutually beneficial thing of like, "hey, we give you some help with your situation and you help us with ours!!" they acted like this was purely out of the goodness of their hearts and all for our benefit and then it's like....you guys come out here and don't do the stuff we wanted, do a bunch of stuff we didn't actually want and then R goes to work and actively fucks up my mom's day so bad almost every goddamn day that she doesn't get lunch (and i've told her that's what happens so she can't pretend like she has no clue!!!) and yet somehow......you guys were doing us a favor????

you didn't get out here until like....what, a few days before he died and helped me all of one day with him??

also, not for nothing but like...of this ten months my mom never charged them any rent and only after six months did she ask for some utilities and even then she would low ball it or not even ask for it if C had done a lot of stuff around the place for us and i even let R use my car for a while even though there were two perfectly good other vehicles sitting there that nobody was using she could have used instead but for some reason it just had to be my car.

she even bragged to that same front desk lady before that they were getting caught up on all their bills and saving up all this money and everything so like....by no means is them moving out us like...tossing them out with nothing and yet by the way R's making it out to sound we (or i guess more specifically my mom) are doing them an unkindness somehow and i just can't wrap my head around that.

even when we had the discussion about them moving, it was actually C who brought it up to my mom, so we didn't even come down on them like, "get the fuck out of here already!!!" and even when they discussed it she didn't bring up any of the negative shit, she just put it like y'know, it's been about a year and we think we're ready to try this on our own for now but even in saying that she let them know they had plenty of time to figure out what they were going to do and it ended up taking a month longer than what they told us initially, but we were totally cool about it, didn't even ask, "hey, what's the hold up?" or anything, just rolled with the flow and yet i guess no matter what you do for some people it'll just never be enough.

and again, clearly if she's going through something i hate that for her, but like...don't take that out on us. or anyone for that matter. i know she had a little health concern there for a minute, but everything's good now so i hope maybe that'll bring her some peace and hopefully she can either find a new job that makes her happier or maybe they'll end up moving back to where she was happier or just...something.

i really didn't want things to be ugly like this and i'm sure there's probably something more we could have done on our part, but at the same time it's also kinda like....y'know, we really needed that time, especially right after my dad died, to just be able to breathe and focus on our own healing and it really ended up being more about helping them and doing stuff for them and around them than anything so that....kinda sucks!!!

oh, and one last thing before i ramble on some more and then disappear like homer back into the bushes, but as they were leaving C told me at some point he'd come back and that i ought to get out my dad's gun so he could teach me how to shoot it now that they'll be leaving and, i dunno, maybe i'm wrong for feeling this way because i'm sure his heart was in the right place but like.......bud, i don't do guns. i think we all know this about me at this point. for good reason.

secondly, uh......just because there's not gonna be a man around here anymore doesn't mean we're helpless sitting ducks. i'm not saying i would definitely win in some kind of altercation should someone try to attack me at home or whatever, but i dunno, man.

my thing of it is, if someone is going to get me it's probably going to be in a scenario where i'm not even close to the gun anyway, y'know? that fucker's staying inside and locked up, if i'm under attack i'm either using whatever i have around me as a weapon and/or i'm unleashing all the rage i have bottled up inside of me and hoping for the best.

literally the other day i thought, "hmm, what if someone came at me while i was in the pool, what would i do?" and i'd probably try to get on the deck, grab one of the chairs on there and use it as sort of a shield/battering ram and even if the person takes it from me that'll at least give me a few seconds to run or do something else.

i've also got pool chemicals down there so like...how's some pool shock in your eyes for ya? how about some algaecide! you want some chloride tablet dust hands all over your face? you got it!! how about i whack you real good with this skimmer pole? and if possible....push the attacker in the pool and make a run for it!! there's so many options and i have too much time to think about stuff like that, so like...i'll either be fine or it's my time then it's my time, either way uh....i think i'm good, thanks.

i dunno, that kinda irked me, but whatever. it's over and that's the important part. i hope maybe we can all still be friends but i guess we'll see how things go as time goes on. i'm kind of at a point now where i sort of just expect relationships to fall apart and i just don't really give a damn anymore.

in other news, i fucked up !!!

so, i've been doing this thing for a while now with my work from home stuff where like...i'm not always necessarily working for all the time i'm actually clocked in because i end up doing other stuff around the house or sometimes a break just gets away from me or i'll even go to appointments and stuff, but!!!!

one of my managers had told me that was okay because i always got my work done and for the most part i did!!

i frequently would stay up until midnight and work on the weekends off the clock to make up for the time and thought it was all evening out and it was all good, but apparently!!!!! it was not!!!!!!

and so one day i just kinda get slammed with this information and then had to have a phone call with the manager that makes me cry about this because it's apparently a big no-no to do things that way for one thing but for another i guess here lately i haven't been making up the time like i thought, especially with me working 50 hours a week, so!!!

fortunately i didn't get fired, some fucking how.

she said if someone else besides her had caught it i would have been immediately terminated (so hey, R, i guess i found a way to get instantly fired after all, lol, just do that!!) but instead i'm just no longer allowed to get any overtime, i can't work off the clock anymore and i'm definitely being monitored so i have to be really careful now whenever i get up to use the bathroom or take the dog out or wash some dishes or whatever that i'm not away from my computer for too long so now instead of getting distracted by chores for however long that takes i do one thing, run to my computer and do some work and then do another little thing and then back to my computer, etc.

but, hey, i'll take it since they're letting me stay which i really appreciate. i really honest to god thought i was making up for the time and didn't think it was a problem, but i guess the manager that told me it was okay didn't realize, i guess and on my end i just got sloppy with it so i apologized profusely and now i'm just dealing with the consequences.

i did manage to not cry, though. the only time i got a little choked up was when the manager i was speaking with was even at one point like, "honey, i'm surprised you're not burnt out..." because she said she could see where i was up until midnight or even later just working and the fact that she could tell i was but no one else really has was just kinda like, ha, wow.

but yeah. i'm also not sure now if i'll even get a raise this year, which it's usually only a few cents anyway so it's not like, "no, my big raise!!" but still. that few cents helps and especially now that i'm not getting that good overtime money i am....feeling it, mr krabs.

i was finally getting to a point after being set back a few thousand dollars on top of still being in my own debt where i felt like i could finally start to breathe again and was even putting some in savings but that's all gone out the window now and i'm having to be even more careful than i already was with my spending, but this one's my own damn fault so i can't really be too upset about it.

i've instead just hopped back on the job search train to hopefully see about getting a second job that i can work around this first one. if i find something that could replace this one then even better probably but i'll just have to see, it's been a slow process so far because i am indeed quite burnt out, but we're trying. i'm even willing to do something that'll have me in person somewhere since i've got a flo mask now and can breathe a little easier while still staying safe in public settings so i could probably handle something like that with better peace of mind now.

hopefully i find something soon, but if not i'll figure it out.

sucks, though too because i started something with my gyn back when i was making that better money that i'm now getting bills for and we're still not done so...yippee (i think i can set up a payment plan, though and even if it takes me years i'll pay it all off).

basically when i finally had that goddamn appointment i was losing my mind over i had my checkup and everything went good there, but i also brought up the fact that i.want.an.ablation.

and i thought my np was going to be receptive to it, but when i actually got there i kind of felt like i strated getting the run around a little.

the first thing she said to me was, "well, with your weight..." and i pretty much mentally blacked out after that because a million thoughts (many of them from my disordered eating past) started swirling and all i could think about was "lose the weight, lose the weight now, oh my god, you've fucked this up for yourself, you fucking idiot" so i didn't really get the whole gist of what she was saying about that, but i did also think it was kind of weird because my mom was bigger than i am when she had hers done and it wasn't an issue so like ???

she also mentioned something about potential bleeding or whatever, but again i could barely focus at that point and whatever she was saying, it wasn't a complete no either so we went ahead with the exam and made a plan (she also asked me about my dad at one point, like "how's your dad doing?" and i had to break the news to her while i was sitting there like...basically naked and about to get my pap smeared. so that was neat. she was nice about it though and i do like this np because she at least went to get a mask when she saw mine so i'll give her that).

when she was doing my exam she said my uterus seemed like it was sitting a little low which could indicate it might be heavy for some reason and i know this is terrible but i was praying to every force in the universe that that bitch was full of fibroids like my mom's or just...something that would render me getting this procedure done or having the whole thing taken out, something.

she wanted me to have another period and then come in for a transvaginal ultrasound so we could see what that was about and granted she did give me some medicine to take that would help make my periods less intense (because that's the other reason i want this, i do not want to have any more fucking periods, especially with how heavy mine are!!!!) but it's these two big honking ass pills i gotta take three times a day while i'm on my period but it's only for five days and mine area usually seven (plus it's like $50 and part of the idea is also like....i'm tired of spending money on period products, why the fuck would i want to spend $50 a month on this medicine AND still have to buy period products??) and yeah, they seem to help some without counteracting the medicine i need to actually be able to walk and all that shit (although the jury's still undecided about that one because it's hard to tell if i'm just regular old exhausted or if it's those pills but i did seem to have a harder time getting around and was overall a lot weaker on them so...who knows) but i just don't know if it's a long-term solution for me.

in any case, i did a round of that and had my ultrasound and the only thing it showed was a spot that could potentially be a polyp but it could also be blood or something else, so she wanted me to have another period on those pills (which i have now) and i go in next week for another ultrasound to see if it's cleared up or still there and if we can see it any clearer if it is.

and if it is still there they may go in and go in to clear it out and that might give me some period relief as well or i dunno, whatever the case calls for i guess, but apparently as soon as i have that ultrasound done i finally get to meet with one of the doctors that does the surgery to plead my case, i guess, so fingers fucking crossed.

i've prepared myself to hear bad news, so i guess at this point if i don't get it i'll at least be saving some money, so i'll look at this that way and i guess if i just tough it out for a while longer i'lll probably be in menopause before i know it so i'll just suck it up if that's what it comes down to, but i'm open to trying some other options first, i just know a lot of traditional birth control fucks with my medication and i just....can't do that but that'll be for me to sort out and i will, whatever the answer ends up being.

oh, and i did try to clarify with her what the cautions were again at that second appointment when i had a clearer head and she didn't mention my weight again, but did say something about the bleeding and i guess it's something about how especially in younger patients they're starting to see internal bleeding around menopause or something and it's hard to tell if it's from the ablation or something else or what, but again i even ran that by mom who's a nurse and she was like, "mmmm, okay" so it really feels like they're just gonna hit me with every excuse they can think of to deter me, but i expected that so i'm not really shocked, just kind of annoyed.

it really does just piss me off to no end that like...i, someone who's almost 34 goddamn years old, can't just be like, "hey, hate this shit and i want it to stop, plus getting pregnant is not something i have any interest in doing whatsoever and i'm pretty sure i physically couldn't do it anyway, please let me make this perfectly rational decision for my body that would help with both of these things without running the risk of making my disability harder to deal with or drastically fucking up my hormones, please," and it be like, "okay, sure thing," and we just do the damn procedure.

but hey, at this point, if by some miracle i'm able to get one i'll shut the fuck up because i realize at this point even being able to still have access to any kind of birth control (whether it would work for me or not) is a blessing so i'll just take whatever answer i get and try to make the best of it.

so that's that saga for now, i'll keep you posted, i guess. and speaking of appointments and health stuff....now on to my therapy. yay.

i decided i wanted to cancel my appointment that was supposed to be this most recent thursday because for one thing i didn't really feel up to it and for another i was tighter on money this week so rather than owe her more than what i already do (which i'm paying her back, too, just like with everything else it's slow going) but anyway, i emailed her on monday and didn't hear anything back.

i know i've mentioned to her several times that i don't have good cell service at my house and she knows i work from home and never go anywhere except the grocery store, plus i know she's said that she responds to texts faster, but like...by no means had she ever said she doesn't respond to emails at all and i know we've emailed in the past so like...okay.

it gets to be wednesday in the afternoon past lunch time and still no response so i just say fuck it and clock out from work, get in my car and drive out to where there's cell service and sent her a text letting her know i needed to cancel my appointment and maybe this is my fuck up, but i did also mention that i had sent an email and i was having to clock out and drive out just to send a text and i wasn't really sure how to reschedule since this seemed like the only means of communication now.

i waited a few minutes but didn't think she'd get back to me right away anyway, plus i needed to get back to work so i went ahead and drove home, but she never did email me back and instead a few days later (because of the bad cell service i keep mentioning) i finally got her response through text and it just said "gotcha" and another that said "you can leave a voicemail at this number" and i dunno, i'm probably overreacting but that just felt...kinda shitty to me??

you're a therapist who primarily deals with neurodivergent clients, you know your patients hate talking on the phone. and again, i've told her over and over and over again the thing about the cell service and i guess it was never said explicitly like, "hey, please let me communicate through email with you about appointments and stuff" but it was also never said officially, "hey, i refuse to check my email or respond to any of them even when i know they're there and even though i'm supposed to be a professional" so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and i dunno, i guess i'm just extra pissy, too because i've been sort of thinking for a minute now anyway that i might need to find a new therapist.

don't get me wrong, she has helped me quite a bit in this past year and i don't know what i would have done if there wasn't someone i could talk to about all this shit, but that was part of the problem is that even though i've been going for over a year now it still feels like sometimes i have to explain things i've explained a thousand times before all over again (like in particular anything about grief she always treats me like i'm a novice at this and i always have to be like, "yeah, well like with my sister...." to remind her) and it's just kind of frustrating because i only get an hour and i'm paying all this money and it's like...are you even really listening to me? do you actually care?

i know she has a lot of clients and i know it has to be a lot to keep up with but i dunno. i especially felt like at our last session before this interaction even happened that she was a little short with me?

i chalked it up to her just having a bad day because she did mention some insurance shit (and of course mine always gives her trouble and i always hear about it first thing and i'm just like....yeah, i don't really know what to do about that, you keep saying your lady who does your financial shit is going to reach out to me to clear all this up but she never does and my insurance card says i can't contact them so i dunno what to really do other than just keep overpaying for my sessions until i'm caught up i guess, sorry) but maybe it's me. probably it's me. isn't it always?

she's also the type of therapist anyway that will admit to you that she likes to sort of work herself out of clients, i.e. help them enough to where they don't really need her and i guess in my case i probably haven't progressed all that much and certainly after a year if i'm still making appointments and am behind on my payments i guess i'm just taking up space so maybe she's fed up with me, but i wish she'd just say that so i could just work on finishing up what i owe her and move on to someone else, y'know?

also, not for nothing but like...i feel like sometimes in our sessions we talk more about her and she monopolizes the conversation more than i ever really get to talk about shit and i don't really think our worldviews are as compatible as i thought they were so i've been a little bit on pins and needles anyway for a while, but was willing to still give it a chance because i know how i am and i wanted to really give this a shot, but it's just becoming less and less worth the hassle and is starting to create more stress for me than anything, so i've tentatively started to make a list of other therapists, but i'm willing to give this another chance or two before i make my decision.

really sucks, too because i've been trying really hard lately to get my mom into therapy and i didn't even want to tell her about any of this so as not to deter her from wanting to give it a shot, but i ended up telling her anyway today because i got upset about her drinking again and needed her to know i'm really struggling over here and don't even have any help at the moment and so it's just really tough for me when i can't even leave the house for a few hours without her getting blackout drunk.

it really got to me today because one of my aunts has come up from florida to see my grandma because we're getting to that point where uh...she might not be here soon so she really wanted to see her, well, that was all well and good except of course she flew in yesterday with all that shit going on so everything was delayed and we had to go to atlanta to pick her up and i don't think she was wearing a mask so already i'm just like....awesome.

y'know, i get it, i reached a point sometime last year where it was like, "okay, i'm in a position where whether i like it or not i'm going to be around people who aren't masking all the time and maaaaybe we have gotten to a point where it's cool as long as i'm still mostly isolating and staying up to date on my vaccines? so i took some more risks and boy did i pay for that!! i tend to forget i've got that weak immune system, babey, so i especially can't play those games, plus i really don't want to get anyone else sick so i've masked again and my mom still masks at work but i don't think she does it all the time so that's frustrating, but like...my aunt just traveled and was at the airport during a super busy time so it'll be a fucking miracle if nobody ends up getting sick.

i've harped on and on and on especially lately about how worried i am about covid and bird flu and how i'm especially vulnerable and i've tried to be really understanding and patient about it because i get how human beings work, i get how it fucks with people's heads to go out in public all the time and not see anyone but one or two people, if that, still masking, i get it's still "out of sight, out of mind" in a lot of ways, but just....fuck.

so, i'm stressed about that, but also i went to actually drop her off at my grandma's today (which i know it's like, "if you're worried about people getting sick should they still be visiting?" and i hate to say it, but they're both old enough and educated enough about this to know the risks and my grandmother wakes up every morning begging Jesus for death so i don't think she really cares, tbh) and i ended up taking a route that's over this windy ass mountain and of course it was pouring torrential rain as i'm doing it so i get through all of that and i get a little closer to home before i try to call my mom to see if she needs me to stop and get her anything on my way in, plus just let her know i got my aunt there safe and all that and she kept picking up the phone but just....not responding.

and i thought at first it was a technical issue on my end or sometimes our land line does weird shit like that, so i wasn't freaking out just yet although a part of me was like, "oh my god, she's on the floor injured and is trying to answer me but can't" but as i later came to find out she was just super duper drunk. i managed to even get her on the phone a few times but she kept hanging up on me she was so out of it.

and i dunno, i know this makes me a massive child, especially at my age, but it just kinda hit me like, "oh shit, i'm really alone in this bitch, huh?"

like...what if something had happened to me? or to my aunt? what if we'd gotten into a car crash driving through that rain? she wouldn't have been able to come to the ER, she would have needed to sleep it off.

and i mean, that's fine, i guess. i'm a big girl, i need to deal with shit on my own, it just sucks that she couldn't even wait until i got home to get that messed up. i wouldn't have been happy about it, but i probably wouldn't have said anything other than encourage her to go lie down when it was obvious she was getting too far gone, but since i wasn't there she passed that point and it's like...here i am, stressed out about a million different things, we just had my sister's death anniversary last weekend and we've got the double whammy next month of my dad's one year passing anniversary and then a week later his birthday, i just drove through hell and i'm calling you trying to do something nice for you and you're hanging up on me and don't give a fuck what happens to me because you just had to get shitfaced drunk in the middle of the day.

but i calmed down some and she sobered up some (not before drinking again later, but still) and i apologized and just kinda of let her know a little of what's been going on and why i'm so stressed.

i know it won't make a difference and i know she's probably never going to change and it's only going to get worse, but i just wanted her to know it wasn't coming from nowhere and it's just frustrating this keeps happening and only seems to get worse as time goes on.

sometimes i think it might finally be getting better or she might finally be willing to go to therapy, but then we have another day like this and it just kinda shatters that reality.

i really have tried to be patient and give her grace and just gently usher her off to bed while i take care of the dog and shut everything down and clean everything up and try to make things easy for her, but it's like i'm just doomed to sit here and watch everyone i love self-destruct in some way or another and there's not a goddamn thing i can do about it except every so often scream and cry about it, but that also doesn't really change shit so oh well.

she'll either get help or won't but my tears clearly mean dick to her or to this addiction and i'm too exhausted to keep pleading my case so in the mean time i've started making a list again of potential therapists for her so she can look them over and i'll help in any way i can to get her set up with all of that, but after that the ball is fully fucking in her court, i can't do it anymore

i've sort of been her stand in therapist this entire time which we both know isn't appropriate or fair to me but clearly nothing's quite as good as alcohol and if it's at this point where it's truly more important than me then so be it, i guess.

i still love her very much and she's kind of all i have left as far as people i'm close to so i don't want to lose her in any sense, but i'm also just sort of preparing myself for that just in case i need to leave here and focus just on myself or she kicks me out or just...something.

my dad had told me he was concerned about how things would go for us, especially with her drinking, but he did all he could do and i did all i could do and that's that, i guess.

it just really sucks that he's not here anymore for me to talk to about this. he understood. so did ashley. i would give any fucking thing on this earth to just be able to talk to either of them again. i've truly never felt more alone in my life than i have these past few months or years at this point, i don't even know, but i'm just kind of done with everyone and everything at the moment. i'm on autopilot.

i'm going to just try to find enjoyment wherever i can and hold on to that and just keep doing my best even if it's shitty and not good enough for anyone else and even if everything around me continues to fall apart and just get worse and worse as times goes on i'm going to just....keep going, i guess. until i can't anymore.

one thing, though that i've decided is that i refuse to be a nuisance to anyone else. i really don't want to be that person that takes my shit out on anyone else just because i'm a miserable bastard having a rough time of it with things, especially shit that's mine to sort out anyway.

i don't care where i end up or what happens to me, i would really rather beat the shit out of myself until i'm all bruises or give myself a concussion before i become so miserable i decide to take it out on someone else, in any way. even if someone's hurt me, i don't give a shit about getting even or getting revenge or any of that petty bullshit, i just want to be left the fuck alone and honestly the more i go on, the better that probably is.

i'm probably just not in a good head space right now and will change my mind later and who knows, may even try to make new connections later, but for the time being i just want to sleep for about a hundred years straight and then worry about being a person after that.

anyway, this is very long and quite a bummer so i apologize if you've read all this.

i kept waiting to make an update until i'd have something positive to end on at least or something promising to look forward to, but uh...nope. seems like shit just kinda gets a little worse every day and i know it's only a drop in the bucket compared to how life in general is right now for everyone so i'll wrap up this little whine fest, i just hate that i pretty much abandoned this space even though i like being on here (i also get a lot of naked bots following me when i don't post for a while so there's that, too).

anyway, hopefully the next time i pop in for an update i'll have better news or i might just stick my head in now and again more often, i keep saying that but then...yeah.

anyway, hope if you're reading this life's treating you well and if it's not i hope it will soon. i know shit's really rough right now so i hope you're finding joy whenever and wherever possible and holding on to it.

later days <3

#just an update #long post

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dcwnthercbbithcle · 7 months ago

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This blog is a Lucy Emerson love blog, actually. I love love love her character so much and she represents the perfect amount of pure of heart wholesome mom energy that's mixed with a level of sincerity that only comes from intense pain. She's the sort of wonderful ray of sunshine thats fought hard to shine through the fog and the clouds and I love that for her.

I will say though, because I am a SUCKER for tragedy and torturing my characters that she and Doe were friends before, and even after the Mapplethorpe incident.

Doe met Lucy on a very, very bad night for Lucy. She had just finished handing out a round of rejected job applications, and even though her disposition is tough, but she's not infalleable. She went back to her truck... only to see the keys on the seat inside and the doors locked, and that's it. That was her breaking point for the day. The stress, the move, the dead ends for jobs, it all came mounting and she couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears and going back to one of the store front's to use one of their phones.

That's when she ran into Doe, and it's a 'what are the odds' sort of situation, Doe had just been coming from a call but her family needed milk so she was running to grab it on the way home. She saw Lucy towards the same store she was heading into, and in that moment, something in Doe's heart broke for her. California culture isn't exactly touchy-feely small town americana, but Doe couldn't just pass her by. She stopped her, as gently as she could to ask if everything was alright. It obviously wasn't, but how else do you start that conversation. That kind of knocked Lucy out of her misery and the stress and straight into apologetic embarrassment for worrying her and explaining that she just left her keys in the car and it was locked and it's been a long day and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Doe heard her, she understood it, amen, sister! You're crying for all of us here, because sometimes you just need a cry, no shame in that. Lucy, well, she seemed sweet, a real kind soul and Doe, well, we know Doe, she's a softie. She cut her a deal, as long as it stays between the two of them (and not her bosses), Doe can grab her equipment and open up her car in no time, no trouble! Lucy laughed at that and agreed, between you, me and the apple tree.

Low and behold, 4 minutes later and she was back open! Hot as hades inside but Lucy was free to head home and probably saved a pretty penny from having to call a professional. She thanked Doe profusely for the favor, plenty of hugs to go around and insisted on paying her for the help. Doe though? Doe could NOT accept that, it was a favor! It would hurt her heart to charge her, it was just an accident after all and it was nice meeting her! But no, sir! Lucy isn't letting her hero go without a reward! They bartered back and forth, Doe trying to undervalue the favor with 'I promise, I'm fine, it was nothing, I could do it in my sleep!' and Lucy with the 'no, sir! You worked hard to earn your skills, you could've gotten in trouble helping me! It's the least!' before Doe eventually gave in, accepting payment, but only in the form of an oreo out of Lucy's lunch. That was a resolution they were both pleased with and with another laugh, they finally introduced themselves to each other for real. Not just a kind Samaritan and passer-by but a 'we're friends now!' greeting and it just stuck from there!

They were friends ever since, despite the age gap, it was a sweet thing!! They bonded at first over being new to town, culture shock and the like. The fast paced change of the world drawing more and more into the computer age. The oreo cookies became an injoke between them and Doe and Lucy would often call each other to complain about work, talk about job opportunities, shoot the shit, share about their days and schedule girls nights! And trust me, Doe INSISTED Lucy do girls-nights with her and some of her co-workers! It really became the basis of a solid friend support group in the area for Lucy, especially outside of her identity as a mom and she'd always look forward to hearing from Doe.

BUT we all know how Doe's story ends here, either through death by Mapplethorpe or by turning into a vampire against her will and having her life flip-turn upsidedown and moving away to Redwood Vista with the Hell's Belles.

#🦌 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄. || this time she never returned

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gayerthanevertbh · 2 years ago

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open up, baby, here's your christmas present.

teddy bear :)

this time you weren't in your home as per usual, of course Natasha was there to see you, your pathetic brother was just an excuse. Even the fact that Tasha could smell your scent that was impregnated in each room of your house, was enough for her to wanting to be there: every little she could get from you, she would have it.

Tasha asked where you were and your mom told her you were out with some friends, she immediately gets jealous and possessive, thinking about every scenario in which someone could even try to take what is hers.

so when everyone is asleep and you still haven't come back, she sneaks into your room with an idea. It doesn't take her much to get her big fat cock hard, her pretty pink tip already leaking pre-cum when she takes it out -- your room is just filled with you, your scent, your clothes, even the toys you use to try to replace her when she isn't around, and all those thoughts get her so fucking hard and big.

She takes the teddy bear that she know you sometimes hump when you are in a need of her (she knows because you've sent her videos). Tasha shamelessly smells it and can smell your juices in it.

oh how pretty you looked while humping that teddy, wearing nothing but a short white top that let your nipples be seen, telling her time and time again that you wished it was her cock you were riding ... the images of you putting your best innocent slutty face while humping a fucking teddy plus the smell of your come just sets her off. And she starts jerking off.

Tasha makes sure to put her phone on recording mode and put it somewhere to record the whole thing.

"look at what you made me do because you aren't around baby, you should be the one taking my cock"

"do you think the whores you are with can give you this? fuck you the way i do? Look at what you're missing baby, it could be your pussy i'm fucking right now if you were here".

"you would take me so well baby, f-fuck i need to be inside you so bad, i need to fill your pussy with my cum, will you let me? maybe then we can take some pretty pictures of how your cunt is dripping with my milk and send it to the whores you're with" "or maybe i'll just cum so many times, i'll get you pregnant, and then they'll know"

But even though Tasha is talking so dirty and acting so tough, she just really wishes it was your pussy, she needs to be inside so badly that the thought always makes her cry .. she is such a needy baby at the end :(

Tasha keeps pumping her cock, she knows she is close.

"f-fuck baby, i'm going to cum, holy shit, you drive me crazy even when you're far ... i'm going to come on your teddy so you don't forget who you belong to"

And she does. many strings of her milk end up in your teddy, some on the poor's toy face and she wishes it was your face she came on.

-- ice bear anon 🐻‍❄️

i keep thinking about this fic every day and every night. no fucking joke. this is one of the best gift ever, IM SO HAPPY TOU SENT THIS DKEHDOEHDIEHWHW

imagine her milk dries up and then when you come back and your teddy is just coated by her cum <3 ugh id never wash it heheh

#a answers! 💌#tasha bear:(#ice bear 🐻‍❄️ anon

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mydisenchantedeulogy · 5 months ago

Text

Blue Jeans [Chapter Seven] Menace [Ace Merrill]

A/n: I made a mistake in chapter five with the setting. The story takes place in the spring and the movie they went to see came out in the winter, so I changed it. My apologies.

Warning(s): family drama, realization, alcohol, anxiety, short chapter, OC, card game.

No Minors Allowed!!

“I'm dead serious,” Billy Tessio argued. He tapped his finger on the back of the two cards he sat down, then shot a glare at Charlie Hogan that said ‘Try me, I dare you’.

The blonde, whose hair became more unkempt with every beer, curled his nose. He currently looked as though he had stuck a fork into a light switch.

“I know for a fact you don't have a single ace.”

“I do have two, idiot. Come on, call me! This entire pile has your name all over it,” Tessio retorted.

Elise hid her smile behind her cards. She was not sure if Tessio was lying or not, but it was entertaining to see the two argue with one another as though they were sixteen again. Had she known how competitive they were, she would not have suggested they play a card game. At the time there was not much else to do.

Ace dragged her from her home to the field behind his farmhouse and soon the Cobras joined them, bringing cases of beer. They sat around and talked shit with one another while Ace tore apart an old Volkswagen DeLuxe. Elise on the other hand wandered around, searching the field until she came across a deck of playing cards on the seat of a Wards Twin-Row. It did not take much to persuade Eyeball and Charlie to play a game of ‘Bullshit’ with her - the two were bored - and when she suggested they shotgun a beer whenever a bluff was called wrong, Tessio agreed to join too.

“What do you think, Elise? Bullshit,” Eyeball asked.

“I think unless I know for sure, I'm not calling him out,” she admitted.

Not after she made a mistake herself and had to shotgun a warm beer.

“I don't drink,” she tried to argue.

Ace leaned over the side of the rusted Chevy 3100 she was sitting in the bed of and nudged her arm with a can.

“Rules are rules, babe.”

Elise managed to get more on her than she did in her mouth. But she earned a pat on the head from Ace when she finished it.

“You're on your own, Chaz,” Eyeball stated with a grin.

He thought for a moment longer, then backed down.

“Bitch,” Tessio teased.

“One 2,” Eyeball claimed. He placed a card face down on the growing pile, then turned toward Elise. “You looked a little down earlier.”

Ace mentioned the same thing when he picked her up.

“It's nothing serious,” Elise assured him. Or so she hoped.

She had to say goodbye to her dad when she woke up. He was not supposed to leave until the afternoon but he claimed that he had important things to do before the work week. Elise knew that it was a lie. She heard her parents arguing the previous night because of her; because of what she said to her mom on the drive home from South Paris. It was her fault she drove him away, she reckoned. Elise frowned.

The truck jerked a moment as Ace got into the bed, sitting with his legs on either side of her. He did not say a word, looking through a ‘Car & Parts’ magazine, but she felt happier with him nearby.

“One 3,” she uttered, placing the card on top of the pile.

Charlie was next, tossing down a 4. Her eyes grew wide.

“Bullshit!” Elise exclaimed.

Charlie raised a brow.

“You sure about that?”

She was. Elise knew for a fact Charlie had no 4s. She shook her head in confidence, then snorted as he let out an irritated growl and turned his cards face up for everyone to see. He had put down a 5 card instead.

“How'd ya know I was lyin’?” He asked.

“You laid your cards face up, bozo when you popped the top on your last beer,” Tessio answered. “Everyone here saw your hand.”

It was true.

Charlie growled again, sounding like a mad dog. He tossed his cards between his legs.

“I want a new hand.”

“Tough shit,” Tessio disputed.

Charlie, with his lips pulled back in a snarl, tried to argue but Ace put his magazine down and interjected in a calm, threatening tone.

“You don't get a new hand. It's your fault for being a ditz, so quit bitching and play the game.”

“Ain't no fun anyway,” Charlie pouted. “Can't we do something fun? Take the car out and play a game of Mailbox Baseball or something.”

Elise did not miss the shocked look that Eyeball had given him, as though he had just tattled on the group. Was she not meant to know this? A warm hand on her hip drew her attention to Ace, who had tossed the magazine aside and sat up. His chest touched her back.

“Beer is in the fridge. Will you get me a cold one?”

She knew what he was doing, and honestly, she felt bad for Charlie. It was not a big deal, even though it was considered illegal. Elise shook her head and laid down her cards. Grabbing a hold of the top railing of the truck bed, she lifted herself and slid past Tessio, leaping down. She ignored the deflated expressions the group shared as she ambled to the farmhouse.

To her irritation, it felt warmer inside than it did outside. Elise reluctantly shut the screen door behind her, cutting off the only source of cool air she had, and opened the fridge. The inside temperature was nice, but Nana always told her that if she did not pay the bills, then she need not waste the cool air. She grabbed the only beer available and quickly shut it. As she was turning around, the screen door opened and Ace walked in. She could hear the whirring of a car engine in the distance.

“Are the guys leaving?” She asked, handing Ace the beer. “That was the last one.”

He nodded then hummed. “Means you have to buy the next pack. Those are the rules.”

Elise tightened her jaw. The beer was for Ace, so the rules should not apply to her.

“I only had one.”

“Boo hoo,” Ace teased. He sat the beer aside on the table and brought her closer, sliding her arms around her waist.

Her body tensed.

“It's a little hot,” Elise deflected.

Ever since their first kiss, Ace had been more intimate with her. She did not mind the hand holding or the lingering touches as he ran a hand up her back, but the personal space he seemed to care nothing about made her feel a little anxious.

“I can turn the fan on,” Ace teased.

He leaned in and kissed her neck, then claimed her lips. Unlike their first kiss, he was a bit rougher with her this time as though he were a sixteen-year-old again with nothing else on his mind but sex. Elise parted from him and gave him a sheepish look.

“Easy,” she uttered.

Ace raised a curious brow. Was she nervous? For some reason, at this thought, his heart raced. She was more innocent than he figured. If he wanted her tied around his finger, then he had to be careful with her.

“You lead,” he proposed.

Lead. Was he serious? Heat spread to her face. This had to have been a game. There was no way someone like Ace was letting her take the reins. He either liked her or he wanted something from her. Elise tightened her jaw.

“What is this?” She motioned between them to emphasize.

He did not expect her to be so inquisitive about this. The girls he pursued usually knew what he wanted, but Elise was different. She was setting ground rules to protect herself. Ace wondered what sort of relationship she had previously been in that made her so insecure.

“What do you want it to be?” He asked.

His question made her frown. On one hand, it was generous of him to give her the choice, but on the other hand, it felt like a clever ruse.

“I don't honestly know,” Elise answered. She tightened her arms around herself and averted her eyes to the floor. “I like you, I do, but if you're interested in me because you want to make this into something…strictly sexual, then I'm not comfortable with that.”

For a moment, Ace was a little put off by her statement. He had never met a girl who was so nervous about sex before. It made him wonder if Elise was worth pursuing. She was sweet, much kinder than the casual friends Ace had at the snap of a finger. More so, she was the light in the darkness that he needed. It was like the universe was offering him a second chance, and like his drunk of a father, Junior Merrill had taught him, it was rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her short frame. What harm could starting a relationship with her do? There was always an out.

“Slow. I can do that.”

He had no idea what that meant to Elise. She softly smiled and wrapped her arms around him. There was no label on their relationship, but that was fine with her. It was just starting.

The ring-ring of the blue wall telephone interrupted their moment, taking Ace away from her. He answered curtly, then leaned his arm against the kitchen wall.

“Haven't seen him, but if I had to take an educated guess, I'd say at the Tiger with the other barflies.” He paused for a moment, then sighed. “Busy…you could say that.”

Elise had a feeling he was referring to her. She picked up the unopened beer can and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the conversation the best she could. As she closed the door, Ace put the phone back on the receiver. He ran a hand through his hair.

“I've got to run by my uncle's place.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Elise asked.

Ace snorted.

“You weren't planning to stay here alone, were you?”

Elise stuck out her tongue in a playful manner. Watching her saunter out the front door, Ace quickly washed his hands, then joined her outside, ushering her to the car. He turned on the radio, as she seemed to like, and drove into town. It was not until they pulled in front of the ‘Emporium Galorium’ did she turn away from the window.

“Your uncle works here?”

“Yeah,” Ace retorted. He lived in a tobacco-scented apartment upstairs that he had only been in a few times.

Elise knitted her brows.

“Pop Merrill is your uncle?”

Ace frowned. Did he let her call him Pop? Reginald Merrill only allowed certain people to call him by his nickname, certain business partners and loaners; he hoped that Elise was not involved with him. He did not want her near him, whatever the reason.

“Stay here. I'll be in and out.”

Elise nodded and waited for him to walk in before she visibly frowned. Ace was a Merrill. Why didn't he tell her?

I'd advise you not to get roped in with them. I don't like to talk badly about people but if you see a Merrill coming, it would be best if you turned cheek and ran.

He could not have been as bad as Nana had said. She thought back on the time they had spent together and never did she feel as though he was a menace. Ace was thoughtful, he was–

Could it all have been a ruse? Elise chewed on the inside of her jaw.

What should I do?

#ace merrill x oc #ace merrill #stand by me fandom #oc #stand by me fanfic #ace merrill stand by me

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