#if it's more about changing someone's mind or opinion on some fundamental things it gets even more complicated i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

synthetickitsune · 1 year

Text

svt + helping you through a break up // gn!reader

S.Coups ❧ Find him right after it happens. Your feet will carry you to his apartment without you thinking about it. You're both surprised when he opens the door. His first Instinct is to protect. What happened? Who hurt you? He’s ready to run out and fight. Nobody makes his people sad, angry, comfortable - whatever you’re feeling - without consequence. Then again, as much as he would like to solve the situation and make it better, he can’t. So he stays with you. He brings you water and something to eat. He instructs you to breathe, teaching you the breathing exercise he often does. He offers you his hoodie that smells like him - in case you want to steal it. Again. He hopes you will, it always made you so smug and happy. He’s in full damage control mode. He only gets out the most basic information out of you - did they at least treat you decently? Did you fight? There’s so many variables that he settles for matching your energy in the end. He makes you stay at his. He doesn’t want you to be alone. Through the day he lists all the reasons why he likes you, why his members like you. He won't allow someone stupid enough not to appreciate you to bring you down. Even if the breakup was a peaceful one, he wants to make sure you know to take your time. Get used to it and don’t rush, feelings are fickle things and it may just hit you hard later. He watches over you, asks his friends what to do when he’s lost. It’s a pretty big change, but Cheol helps you navigate through the worst of it.

Jeonghan ❧ Find him when it happens before it actually happens. When the bad days start to outnumber the good ones, when you start to have doubts and your heart aches. Jeonghan respects you. He knows this is a sensitive issue and that you need his support so he makes sure you don't see when he clenches his jaw and grits his teeth. Sometimes because your partner is an asshole, sometimes because you're so stupid it's driving him crazy, and sometimes because he knows. He has a knack for being right and being able to look at the bigger picture. He realizes where things are headed before you do but he doesn't mention anything, lets you figure it out on your own. He’d love to be wrong, but he seldom is. Who's feelings changed first? You don't know. When you realize things can’t be fixed, he rubs your back as you cry it out. He squeezes your shoulder and gives you a tight smile whenever you come over, sigh and tell him the latest updates. He doesn’t suggest for you to just do it already, knows you must be already feeling stretched too thin and exhausted. Though he provides his opinion when you ask for it. There’s a gentleness in his voice that doesn’t set off an outburst. He reminds you your feelings are valid when you realize you’re over it before it’s even official. He reminds you not to feel guilty. When the breakup happens, he waits for you with open arms. It’s been over for a long time for you. Even if you feel a sense of freedom, there are some nasty feelings plaquing your mind. He helps to chase them away.

Joshua ❧ Find him when you don’t know what to do. Change is hard and confusing. More so when something that felt so fundamental, something so intimate, is the subject of it. Joshua knows what happened when you show up, shoulders drooped and hands flailing as you try to explain without breaking down. He invites you in with a sympathetic smile. He sits you down on his couch and asks whether you feel tired. He brings you a blanket and lets you sleep because sometimes that’s the only thing that helps take the edge off. He’ll guide you so even if you let go for a bit, bouncing back will be easier. He makes you a cup of tea and forces the cup into your hands once it's not too hot. He sits close to you but doesn't initiate any physical contact without your request or permission. He listens intently if you want to talk, asking questions at the right time so that he understands better, and to be honest - it helps you put things into perspective as well. If you don't want to talk, he puts on your comfort show and reminds you where to find the shower, where you can find some clothes to borrow, and informs you that you will be staying the night - unless you want to be alone. And even then only if you promise to always answer his texts and calls. He takes control. He monitors you and reacts to your changing mood with endless patience. He keeps his voice calm and not too loud. He reassures you he’s right here if you need anything. It's easy to trust him if he never broke his promise.

Jun ❧ Find him when you need to be distracted. He won’t treat you any different. It's unsettling at first but most wonderful after getting used to it. Your life’s still there; it's not like everything changed. Call Jun and ask him if he's free, and find yourself at an arcade, a mall, a coffee shop... He jokes around you like he's always done. He doesn’t once ask or mention your ex like the relationship never happened. He pays attention, he always does, but it's different now. He doesn't comment on it if you suddenly space out. He hands you a tissue when you break down unexpectedly and shields you with his body so the passersby can’t see you. He doesn't comment on it once you calm down, he only asks ready? like you were just tying your shoe. It’s reassuring in its own way and after being grilled by your friends, your family, and living and dealing with the aftermath of the breakup, it feels great to just be yourself. He makes you the center of his attention and it's so obvious he doesn't care about anything but you when you speak. He's not holding back on the bickering and teasing. When you're playing games he pokes your side to make you jump and lose focus - and lose. It's the best day you’ve had in a while and you’re smiling. He hugs you and coos at you as you smile through tears when he walks you home. He offers to stay over, tells you to imagine you’re just kids again having a sleepover with your best friend. You eat too many snacks and stay up ridiculously late but you finally feel like yourself for a while.

Hoshi ❧ Find him when you need cheering up. He wants to cry with you - he does - but you’re sad and neither of you wants that. That person isn't worth it. So he dries your tears and he makes it his mission to make you happy again. He knows his sparkling eyes, his tiger claws so gingerly bent into a horanghae, nor his cute act will be enough but he won’t give up. Not on you, never. He knows there's security in familiarity so he takes you to your spots. The one cafe where he once spilled both your drinks on you. He takes a photo of you right there; dry and holding the same drinks. You complain about the weird looks the barista kept throwing your way. He's ready to fight them if they ruined your day, he'll have you know. It won't be necessary, though, because you say so and you smile. He gets nostalgic, reminiscing about the good ol’ times you’ve had and sharing episodes about the members. It's impossible not to smile. He gives you space to talk but he understands you might not want to - and it's fine! He can talk enough for both of you. He links your arms together on the street. He just wants to show support, doesn't want to lose you when the streets get crowded. But it works. He drags you with him and he sees you smile back every time he turns to you. How could you not? He takes pictures of you two together to replace certain other pictures - the only reference to your ex that he sheepishly makes. He’s glad to see the progress. He tears up when in the last pic the smile reaches your eyes.

Wonwoo ❧ Find him when you can’t be alone. Curl in the corner of his sofa, he’ll throw a blanket over you, tuck you in and bring you tea. He’ll give you the tv remote and let you watch anything you want if that’s what you want to do, but he’s fine with you just scrolling on your phone or watching something on your own. He’ll read closeby, within arm’s reach. He’ll let you sit next to him and rest your head on his shoulder if that will make you feel safe. He’ll listen to you or he’ll try to fill the silence with his voice. He’s not that good at it but he’ll try. You trusted him enough to come to him, explained in a meek voice that you just can’t be alone and he was the first person to come to mind. He won’t let you down. Checking up on you from the corner of his eye once in a while, he hopes this is enough. That it’s enough for him to just exist in the same space, both of you doing your own thing. He’s happy like that. Comfortable. You always said you felt the same, is it still true? When you ask him if he wants to go for a walk, he agrees. He wonders whether the air of his home feels too suffocating for you. But as you walk, he sees you swing your arms, your shoulders relaxed. You seem so much better than when you came by, tense and anxious. You turn your head and thank him. He doesn’t feel like he did much, but to you he feels like a safe harbor.

Woozi ❧ Find him when you need someone to understand. He insists he's not good at these things. Feelings are hard, so when you come to him particularly vulnerable and emotional, he's out of his depth. He knows you need support, though, and you need it now. He does the only thing he can think of - the only thing he's somewhat confident might work: he takes you to his studio. Once there, he lets you sit in his chair because he knows that alone will make you crack a teasing remark and smile, if only for a second. He asks for your preference - are you angry? Sad? Numb? He's got playlists worthy stash of wips that he can show you. When instrumentals are not enough, he sings for you. You've never seen him more nervous. It’s endearing, and you appreciate that he makes himself as vulnerable as you feel. You wonder about the songs he’s made. He's got the feelings down close enough. Just a liiiittle bit more and it's gonna be perfect. You tell him and he jumps at a chance because you’re finally talking and he wants to help. You go over the lyrics and as you do, you get more in touch with yourself. You're not the most eloquent when it comes to expressing how you feel but Jihoon is naturally gifted in the area and he honed his skills to near perfection. With each line he creates based on your feelings, you cry because that’s it. He’s too awkward to do more than pat your back. You might still be a mess, but you feel comforted knowing someone gets it.

The8 ❧ Find him when you’re ready to process things. Nothing's ever easy and you're hurting. He hates it and as much as he's a good listener, he wants to help; to solve the problem and have you back. He gives you your favorite cup and brews tea to go with the heaviness of the situation. He has you meditate with him before you say a word and he needs it as much as you do. Because he's your friend. And friends sometimes need some tough love. The breakup left some things unresolved, things you keep thinking about that you can't imagine talking about with your ex so he tries to help. If something seems like your fault, though, he'll tell you. He feels bad about it, tries to be gentle. Being the one in the wrong hurts and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth but you can take responsibility. He talks with you for hours, going through the pieces left behind that linger in your mind. He keeps moving closer as the hour gets late and your speech gets more fragmented and you need to take pauses. You need this but it brings back all the memories. He's not affectionate all that often but maybe that's why the hug he gives you feels so comforting. He lets you lean on him as you served the tea in your cup and tell him the things that really hurt or that just stick to you so you carry them around without having anywhere to put them down. He listens and shares his opinions without forcing them upon you like some of your other friends. When you wake up on his couch the next day, it feels like you really started a new chapter.

Mingyu ❧ Find him when you need a shoulder to cry on. He's heard the wobbliness of your voice, the unspoken announcement. He doesn't ask when you arrive at his place. He's got it all ready. Every pillow he owns is piled on his couch, he has blankets, fairylights. The table holds all kinds of drinks and snacks and he tells you where to find ice cream if you want to go the stereotypical route. His effort is enough to make you break down and he's almost carrying you to the couch, holding you and patting your hair. He's fighting tears himself because he can't stand seeing you in so much pain. He'll sit next to you and rub your back or he’ll lie down with you and hold you if you’d prefer. He lets you lead, lets you guide him through what's allowed and desired and what's not. He lets you do the talking, get it all out, cry until you have no tears left. He's got a dozen tissue boxes ready, and when you apologize for ruining his shirt, he grins. It's the shirt he usually wears while cooking. It's meant to get dirty - it doesn't matter if it's batter or snot. He feels proud when you smile. Once it's all out of your system, he takes his role as your emotional support even more seriously. You talk about whatever comes to mind and you're free to use him as a teddy bear if that's what you need. He puts on a romcom and you laugh at how stupid it is. You cry again when the leads get a happy ending but he's there to hold you and cry with you. Only so you don't feel ashamed afterwards, of course.

DK ❧ Find him when you need to forget. You beg him to help, to go out with you, but he won’t. He absolutely won’t because that’s not a good idea and it’s definitely not safe. And safe is what he needs you to be so instead he invites you over. It’s a hard sell but he succeeds eventually, if only because of your fondness for him. And he’s prepared. He has the karaoke ready. He has the worst movies known to mankind all set up so you can channel your emotions at something. He has drinks that only seem alcoholic but illusion is good enough. He won’t have you clouding your judgment and emotions more. It hurts enough to see you so lost and overwhelmed. And the illusion is enough. Seokmin will pretend to be drunk with you. He’ll scream his heart out singing with you, he’ll yell and throw popcorn at the screen at every stupid, nonsensical thing that happens. More than that though, he’ll challenge you to an infinite game of monopoly because it turns out that thing is impossible to finish when it’s just between the two of you but it’s fine because you’re so focused on beating his ass that it’s very obviously the only thing on your mind. And he’s glad. He gets too into it too and it’s chaos. A lovely chaos. You end up sleeping over and you’re sulking because you didn’t win. (Neither did he.) As you say your good nights, though, you hug him and hold him for a few seconds. It’s nice to feel normal again. It’s an illusion, like the drunken high, but it’s enough. This is what you want to get back. And you’ll fight for it like you fought in monopoly.

Seungkwan ❧ Find him when you need a safety net. He's there to catch you. You've seen each other at your best and at your worst. He'd never judge you but he'll also step in and be honest if he needs to. He's just there. The first few days after it happened he’s calling you if you don't answer his text within an hour. Tell him you just can't be alone and he'll be at your door with food and drinks and the latest gossip to take your mind off things. You'll let him in on the drama happening between your friends too. He tucks you in when you get tired. If there are unpleasant calls to be made, he offers to hold your hand through them. It seems childish but it works. You feel better with him by your side. At least someone seems to have your back. At the same time, don't try anything as stupid as calling your ex on his watch. It doesn't matter if you miss them and don't care about your pride or if you've agreed to stay friends and you just want to talk. He stresses the importance of taking your time to deal with it and letting things settle. You might fight because of it but you know he's right. He doesn't leave. He knows he's also a handful when emotions get the best of him. He knows the ups and downs. He laughs when you laugh and cries when you cry. You talk shit about your exes and swear and promise to never betray each other. It's a process, getting over it. It reminds you too much of actually moving. You pack and unpack things - and Seungkwan’s always there to help.

Vernon ❧ Find him when you’re angry. When anger burns inside your veins and threatens to burn you whole. Vernon doesn't quite know how to deal with it and he's awkward with feelings. He hates seeing you this out of control but if he knows one thing, it’s that feelings shouldn't be repressed. Especially not ones as destructive as anger. He won’t have anything happening to you. When it’s not enough to let you rant and pace around his apartment, he'll take you to one of those rage rooms. Maybe he’ll smash a thing or two but for the most part he'll hype you up. You're a raging wildfire and he's the gasoline. He’ll scream with you, he'll howl when you smash the already broken pieces into dust. He'll agree with your angry vents. He'll feed into your anger so you can get it all out and then some. Your body can only spend so much energy, though. When you can no longer swing the bat in your hands, you leave and he takes you straight for some food. Diets be damned - you're both getting exactly what you crave. He takes you home before your mood can do a nosedive straight into a bottomless pit of despair. He stays, awkwardly patting your back as you cry. That's life - you win some, you lose some, but you'll be happy again. He doesn't leave until he's sure you'll be okay, be it the same day or the next. It must’ve been exhausting but he waves you off when you try to apologize. That’s what friends are for - things are gonna be fine. You believe it when he’s the one saying it.

Dino ❧ Find him when you need an older brother. Chan is always there for you and the second you show up at his doorstep and your facade crumbless once the we broke up leaves your lips, he's pulling you into a tight hug and into his home. He doesn't pry unless you wanna share but he cracks jokes at your now-ex’s expense. He rants about the things he's never liked about them. He's ready to be fiercely protective should they appear and ask about you. He insists on it even if you tell him time and time again it's not that dramatic. It's cute, though, and some part of you appreciates it. The whole ordeal feels kind of uprooting so you’re grateful when he reminds you that his home is yours too. There's so many things to solve. It's scary. Chan is painfully aware of this and promises to help as much as he can. He can be there when it’s time to pick up things, even if the only thing he can do is to stay in the car as a support should anything happen. If you want, he’ll go through each of your concerns and listen to your worried ramblings before talking to you calmly, offering his perspective not clouded by emotions even if it's anything but. He’ll curse your ex with every second breath if humor’s what's gonna help, or he'll just silently keep his hand on your knee or an arm around your shoulders. His friends are yours, you can always be surrounded by people. You’re not alone. He’ll always be there for you. He loves you, and he protects the people he loves.

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen angst #svt angst #svt reactions #svt scenarios #ot13 angst

406 notes · View notes

nordickies · 3 months

Note

what are ur opinions on dennor, romantic and platonic?? :0 (ik u characterize them as brothers, so pls feel free to only answer for their platonic relationship if thats what ure comfortable with!)

To me, Denmark and Norway could check all buddy comedy tropes; I love them. Denmark's wild schemes test Norway's patience every single time and put them on some kind of adventure. Norway has learned to say "Denmark, no," almost instinctively to everything, but if nothing else, he keeps an eye to ensure Den doesn't get into too much trouble. And whenever Norway helps him with a problem, Denmark thanks him with eternal gratitude - until he inevitably bothers Norway again.

They, of course, have a long shared history, and their opinion of each other has changed multiple times during the time they have known each other. However, this shared history has also caused an imbalance between them. Denmark relies more on Norway and views him highly; Norway is the best friend he can trust his life with. Meanwhile, Norway doesn't share the same enthusiastic view, rather keeping his distance when he can and not giving in to all of his friends' crazy proposals. Den tends to view Norway as a fundamental part of his life, someone who always has his back no matter what. He can sometimes be in his little bubble, forgetting and losing his thoughts, so Norway follows and cleans up after him - as he has always done. It annoys Norway at times but he knows Denmark doesn't do these things out of maliciousness, so he has learned to live with it.

As much as Norway has had to put up with Denmark, he doesn't hold a grudge about it, even if he could. I think they have gone over their past struggles multiple times and somewhat gotten over them. In a weird way, perhaps out of all the Nordics, their relationship is the most good-faith one nowadays. But still, while Denmark views Norway as the closest person to him, Norway doesn't really get that association. Norway probably feels he has more in common with Sweden (but he wouldn't admit that). Also, I don't think Denmark and Norway would have nearly as big of a competition between themselves as they both do with Sweden; more than anything, they both combine forces to bother and tease Swe.

I think the canon really nailed the relationship between them. In the end, Norway loves and cares about Denmark - he has just learned to set up his boundaries and not let Den run over him. Norway knows how much he means to the guy, so he can't be too mean or dismissive. Norway will help Denmark out when he asks, but Nor also remembers to scold Denmark to keep him in his place. Denmark knows he didn't treat Norway the best in the past, so he doesn't mind (Norway specifically) mocking him. Den has never seen Norway as that threatening but will forever envy Norway's general luck regarding pretty much everything in life, which is a joke between them.

They both like visiting each other's places, but for entirely different reasons, and thus, they most likely spend a decent amount of time together. I could see Denmark and Norway still sharing an emotional bond that's special to them. They can talk about their worries rather openly and offer advice. Den knows Norway tends to suppress his emotions and not talk about them, so he tries to sneakily get him to open up. If he feels absent, Den will desperately try to amuse Norway and give him a positive outlook on life, with varying success. Perhaps that's their strength, and Norway can't help but find Denmark delightful. He tries, and Nor appreciates it.

To me, their relationship is platonic, and their past unions were based on brotherhood. I don't dislike the idea of romance between them, but something about the "chaotic buddy duo" takes the win for me. Their friendship itself provides lots of drama as is; breaking up various times but inevitably getting back together in the end, just out of their care and loyalty for each other. They're just unlikely best friends, stuck with each other, and they wouldn't have it any other way!

#hws norway #hws denmark #headcanons #ty for the ask <3 #platonic dennor my beloved. they have bromance energy ngl

67 notes · View notes

sword-dad-fukuzawa · 1 month

Note

Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. So. The Yotsuba Arc.

While there isn't an insignificant minority of people in the fandom who share my train of thought, the two opinions I've really seen throughout my time with these motherfuckers (2017 to present) have been either A) the Yotsuba Arc is the worst part of the L v Kira but because Light became un-evil/they didn't try hard enough to make Lights characterization consistent or B) the Yotsuba Arc is the best part of the entire thing because Light became a precious uwu bean baby. While I can see how both of these opinions sprung from the ground, they are also BOTH WRONG

Allow me to explain:

It's made clear from the start that Light Yagami is not inherently an evil human being; just a judgement-challenged adolescent (as all are) who got kind of excited about the possibility of a magic notebook and didn't really consider the consequences of his actions. He asks himself "if someone dies, would that make me a murderer?" and then dismisses the question outright because "no one will die". While refusing to think through the philosophy and continuing on to test IF someone will die may seem callous (it is) it's not done out of apathy or hatred, just short-sightedness and curiosity (also age-typical. I say this as an 18 year old). We know this because, in the manga, he literally throws up when he realizes what exactly he's done. Also, we know that he never actually had a plan for the death note until AFTER he starts rationalizing away this really heinous, reprehensible act (that HE RECOGNIZES - "those were human lives, this can't be overlooked"), driving the point home. He starts writing names because he doesn't know how to live with what he's done otherwise. We watch him quickly spiral out of sanity (he's laughing five days in, roughly 60 names minimum).

I could elaborate on this as well but the point we're moving for here is leading to the Yotsuba arc.

The writing also goes out of its way to show that Light is not special in this regard. Misa Amane is just as flippant, if not more so, of human life, even though she was presumably a semi-normal, if traumatized, girl (especially considering what we see of her just literally living life through Gelus). Higuchi starts as an un-empathetic greedy business man and spirals into full manic cackling as he's on his way to slaughter likely an entire studio of people. Mikami... well, I really can't say anything about Mikami. He's just like that ig lmao.

On top of that, there's the assertion that the death note is a curse by Soichiro and L. Not literally, metaphorically... like watch the scene... but the point is the exchange has the purpose of philosophically pointing out that killing humans removes your own humanity as well. That's what Kira-Light is missing: humanity.

With that set up in mind, (and that set up is really the only reason we have to care about the Yotsuba arc, it's IMPORTANT), let's look at Yotsuba-Light.

It's at this point in the story that we ascertain not only what the manga/anime considers humanity, but also what it considers fundamentally LIGHT.

What changes with the revival of Light's humanity (take a shot every time I say humanity):

He is no longer willing to purposefully manipulate romantic emotions, and is in fact disturbed by the thought

He strongly values the preservation of human life, look at that scene where he poses as L

I wouldn't say he's more honest, but he's more open. He freely compliments, he fully faces people when they're speaking, (he gets those fuckin doe eyes GOD I wanna eat him), he expresses his emotions including anger, and he doesn't wait to be asked for his opinion, likely out of a desire to participate in general

He is genuinely upset when he realizes some of his hypothetical values align with Kira's enacted ones, because he thinks the method Kira went about accomplishing it was bad

What DOESN'T change (the fun part):

He's a snarky motherfucker (comments towards Ryuk + "that is his specialty" RUDE MY GOOD SIR)

He's damn good at lying when he wants to (all of his time as Kira + talking to Namikawa)

He's fucking batshit insane, Mr I Put A Bomb In My Desk and PUNCHED THE WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE WHO HOLDS YOUR LIFE IN HIS HANDS IN THE FACE S I R

He's fucking brilliant. The loss of his memories does not reduce his ability to keep up with L in the slightest.

He cares about morality. That never changes, just his perception of it.

He is not interested in women

Whatever the hell that antagonistic punch you beat-for-beat dynamic is that he has with L 🤨

The entire point of the Yotsuba arc is to highlight these changes, highlight what exactly we're losing and how far Light is going, without even having to show us flashbacks into his boring past with no antagonistic morally dubious genius detective for him to bounce off of. It's an ingenuitive, inventive, honestly phenomenal piece of character-study stakes-raising writing all wrapped up as actually a huge master plan that eventually leads to Kira's win, and I would kiss Ohba and Obata on the mouth about it if they weren't so misogynistic. It's also why Light is my favorite character.

Also I'd like to point out that Light regains his humanity and is immediately attached 24/7 to literally the least human man you'll ever meet and they're both obsessed with each other, and I don't think the personal consequences of that is explored NEARLY enough. Personally the idea that the perception flips from "the 'good' detective catching the evil murderer and one of them is gonna kill the other" to "the morally-lacking torture-happy detective who is Not Amused by this change and will do his best to reverse it and Mr I Can Fix Him, Oh Wait" is a fairly appealing interpretation of that in that it's so fucking funny

I spent too long writing this and as such refuse to check it over so I hope it's coherent good luck I have a lot of feelings

Turning this ask over in my brain thank you. Firstly I have been made deeply aware of my own mortality because why are you YOUNGER THAN ME!!!!!!!! WHAT !!!!!!! okay. Okay!!!! hahaha. HAHHAHhh...

Secondly. Yeah no I think it’s interesting that Light has teenager level foresight. I personally subscribe to the notion that he does in fact have flashes of “hey wait maybe I shouldn’t do this, this is wrong” but he is actually an olympic gold medalist in cognitive gymnastics so the moments of clarity don’t last for very long.

I really do love yotsuba arc light just because of, yeah, everything you said. It’s light sans the notebook. More importantly, it’s light before he went down “this dark and evil road” (thank you musical soichiro). We really don’t get this level of characterization fuel in a lot of other media, not where a character canonically becomes the guy they could have been without the events of the plot. It’s super fucking interesting and it’s fantastic food. Like. as a fic writer. It’s good to know what characterization bits are set in stone and fundamental to a guy and which ones are circumstantial and can be stretched or reinterpreted. Yotsuba light provides really compelling evidence to this question, as you said. He is absolutely fucking insane and sarcastic and a two faced piece of shit but he’s fundamentally not a maniacal murderer. He has the capacity for it, but not the will.

I really do love!! The yostuba arc!! Thank you for laying this all out lmfao i agree with you 100000% and i am shaking you about it. Thank you for “i can fix him” lawlight as an interpretation. I am rotating it so hard. This was lovely to read :]

#lawlight

25 notes · View notes

baku-usagi · 8 months

Text

I made a post the other a few months back about how nice it is to have a character who wants marriage but doesn't want children via gale and I just want to add on to that because I see so many people who draw him as a dad and it gave me a visceral reaction.. I'd never like comment on their stuff because like people are allowed to make their happy endings be whatever they want obviously but I think it bothers me so much because, (and this is really really rampant in the bg3 community worse then in any other Fandom I'm in)

People really don't like these characters a lot of the time? And it shows really poignantly when they see a character have an opinion they don't like and go "he doesn't mean that lol it's just cause he's afraid he wouldn't be a good parent and We know he would"

But would he? Why does him being a good, kind, loving and warm person immediately mean he'd be a good parent?

People project these weird fantasies onto the characters that just absolutely throw in the trash the way the characters are actually written and what makes them so beautiful.

A better example is with astarion, there has been like a billion tiktok videos unpacking it but it's also some thing me and my sister have talked about a lot.

I'd say like 60%, if not more, of the people who claim to be astarion fans think that ascending him his morally good and project this weird dark romance book bad boy persona onto him. Or rather, they literally never see him for more then the facade he puts up.

Those specific Astarion fans hear the line 'I don't know If I want anyone to see me in a sexual way" and plug their ears because that ruins the hot sexed up fuck me vampire they want him to be.

And it, as silly as I know This is, genuinely triggers me to see it.

Again people can enjoy their Fandom, I just scroll on by im not gonna moral police Someones fun but it's like, so very sad to me to see these characters stripped of their personalities and be so fundamentally misunderstood.

Anyway back to the point specifically, seeing people envisioning him as a dad or with children and with their pregnant characters feels like a weird kind of disrespect to me. He uses dialog that is often used by people who don't want kids when explaining that feeling.. And as someone who doesn't want kids I think it makes me feel like a level of my own personal Choice is being stomped.

People who draw gale with kids even tho he has said he didn't want to be A father feels too close to home for me with people telling me I'll change my mind about not wanting kids and I'll get over it.

Anyway tldr I'm just being a piss baby that fans make gale a have kids💁

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #bg3 gale #anti forcing gale to have kids when he's made very clear he's not very interested 🙄#gale x tav #Gale x tav discourse #Nikki vents #just my personal opinion #No real hate to people who like to Imagine gale as a dad #You do what makes you happy babes #Misunderstood characters #astarion #Anti-ascended astarion

76 notes · View notes

pongnosis · 7 months

Note

How does Alex view Sagitta and how does Sagitta view Alex? I kind of get loose older brother/younger brother vibes from them. How would their relationship evolve as Alex gets older and takes over Scorpia?

(under a read-more for rambling)

To Alex, Sagitta provides a bit of humanity in his life that he finds himself increasingly missing as he grows into his future role. They're not good people, but they're good to him, and that matters a lot. To younger Alex, they definitely fill a role of sort-of older brothers. He doesn't have to worry about politics from them and they're protective in a way that no one else around him is. Yassen is focused on Alex's future survival (which is rarely a kind place to be), Jack doesn't have the influence to shield him, and Dr Three is ... well. Dr Three.

To Sagitta, Alex is a part of the team and often a younger brother more than a commanding officer. Less experienced than the rest of them, with some holes in his training to patch up, but fundamentally one of them. They trust him, know he has their back, and that's priceless for someone in their world. Sure, he's technically their superior - and all the more so as he grows up - but Alex listens to them, and he's learned more from them than he has from a lot of his official instructors.

It's a dynamic that changes with Alex's promotion to Head of SCORPIA, but never to the extent that Alex stops having a soft spot for them. Alex at twenty-five gives orders and can expect to have them obeyed, but the original members of Sagitta are some of the few people who can tell Orion no and actually have him stop and listen (he might still go through with whatever they disagree with, but he will listen and consider their opinion, because he also trusts that they have his best interests in mind). Sagitta respects Alex as the Head, but they also remember the fifteen-year-old kid they originally met and that makes him human to them in a way he isn't to just about anyone else. In a very real way, they grew up together. Sagitta grew with their new position and responsibilities, and Alex with his training. They were there when he struggled with his orders, when he was furious with Yassen, through nightmares and awful choices and everything he had to give up to have a chance to keep control of SCORPIA. They've killed for him so he wouldn't have to, fudged reports to give him a breather when he needed it, and handled potentially-disastrous situations in his name when he had too much to juggle already. They're ultimately responsible for his security and continued survival, and Alex trusts them absolutely. That's a rare thing for someone in his position, and while the trust carries over to the security teams that eventually take over after Sagitta, there will never be the same foundation of humanity and growing up together.

#alex rider #my writing

44 notes · View notes

gigidragonbbxxx · 6 months

Text

a personal struggle + an education

this is all just gigi's opinions + thoughts

Reader, I'm struggling with empathy right now.

Don't worry, I'm not suffering from a personality pathology, I promise I am quite sympathetic and empathetic. It's just battling the feeling of wanting to be kind but also seeing a major problem and knowing I need to get it off my chest.

Let me give it to yall straight (with tweaked/paraphrased details to protect privacy and not to out anyone):

I saw a favorite loass coach/twt account/subliminal creator make fun of an "old timey" English sentence either from Neville Goddard or Edward Art. They proceeded to say that they "hate" it and "why can't they just say it simpler". and then someone else commented "they're talking bullshit fr".

The convo thread on twt devolved into an echo chamber that essentially boiled down to the old fool's adage "If I don't understand it, it must be stupid and not worth it."

This really triggered me because

The phrase quoted was not that hard to understand.

It was clear these women were not educated

Why am I judging or mad at people for their ignorance? (this is why I kept quiet on twt and went here to vent. I acknowledge that two things can be true, I can be kind and still be honest.)

I was and currently am still wrestling with these things within me.

On one hand I don't want to judge. I want to be inclusive and welcoming and supportive.

On the other hand - yall don't look educated, yall wind up looking dumb.

I'll say a harsh truth yall and you can go argue with a damn wall but I know I'm right: stupidity is not cute.

My Hot Take (not so hot when you think about it)

The Law of Assumption rewards those who feed their mind with knowledge

Before you argue with me, think about it. Seriously.

I don't want to seem ableist if someone suffers from dyslexia or if someone struggles in school. It's totally okay to have different paths to learning. The importance is still obtaining the information. You can read or listen to the audiobook, etc. The paths to knowledge are varied but in the end the result is the same - THE KNOWING.

The "old timey" sentence that the creator complained about COULD BE READ BY NINTH GRADERS BECAUSE OF SHAKESPEARE EXPOSURE.

That's why I was exasperated. They were complaining about English (the only language in which they are fluent) that is regularly taught to 14 year olds.

Guys. Stand up. Please stand the fuck up.

Who in this world is gonna take you seriously without BASIC COMPETENCY in literature or math?

Lemme roast some of yall if you want to disagree:

Yall wanna be master manifesters and claim to understand the double slit experiment but can't even name the fundamental laws of science or explain them.

Yall wanna be successful in your businesses and don't know how to calculate your profits.

Yall wanna be seen as intellectuals who "understand" more than the majority of the population and yall can't even fucking read Descartes or Shakespeare.

Yall wanna be content creators and don't know how to proofread.

One time I bought an affirmation tape that came with a pdf with all the affirmations listed. The tape itself was excellent but the pdf was riddled with errors! It makes me sad because something that can help change your life, like a sleep tape to saturate, "cheapens" in its authenticity at the price of minor errors. Sigh.

Let me tell you that 100% you can be successful in this world just by going to the end and claiming it.

BUT YOU LOSE A LOT OF TREASURE BY NOT GIVING YOURSELF THE TOOLS TO DIG FOR IT.

THERE IS SO MUCH FOUNDATIONAL INFORMATION WITHIN THESE "OLD TIMEY" TEXTS.

and if you don't like any of it and just wanna watch sammy ingram and manifest like that THEN GO AHEAD BUT DONT CLAIM TO NOT UNDERSTAND A SENTENCE AND THEN CALL IT BULLSHIT.

just be honest and own it!

be honest that you don't wanna read, that you don't wanna be academic and that's 100% okay and you're still beautiful and worth everything but

do not put down the value of what is being said just because you don't understand it

That's why I am frustrated, reader.

I am educated enough to recognize when someone's ignorance is just that - ignorance.

But I am human enough to be annoyed.

So please give yourselves some grace and take the time to appreciate knowledge. Without the knowledge of the law of assumption, we wouldn't all be here interacting with one another.

xx, gigi

p.s. for those of you who are more familiar with reading the Bible via the law of assumption lens - I beg you to think of Solomon. He was asked by God what he would like and Solomon chose wisdom over material things. Why is that? Because through wisdom comes the ability to know how to obtain all one's desires. Food for thought.

30 notes · View notes

sokkastyles · 1 year

Note

Hey!, I love your atla meta and zutara posts.

I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this. So if u don't mind, what do you think about this?

After a break from the atla fandom bcz the discourse lowkey left me exhausted and traumatized. This was'nt pleasant.

Maybe it's bcz this feels like someone read a zutara post and is trying to paint smth similar to it with maiko , but for some reason, this makes me feel kinda sick.

Thoughts?

I think I've responded to this sentiment before because there's a lot to unpack with the idea that Mai "loved Zuko unconditionally," because first of all, she didn't. Their relationship only began because Azula decided it would be more beneficial to bring Zuko back as an ally than as an enemy. If things had gone as expected, Zuko would have been brought back to the fire nation as a prisoner, and he would have been spending the trip home in a cell like Iroh instead of smooching Mai. We have no idea whether Mai might have been distressed by this possibility and the hand she would have played in it, and the show gets her off the hook from having to have feelings about it because things just happen to work out so that she doesn't have to and she gets a boyfriend instead of the knowledge that she helped destroy the life of the boy she had a crush on when they were kids. I actually asked myself once whether she would have cared, and even attempted to write a fic where I started out thinking that Mai would actually try to break Zuko out of prison, but that's not what ended up happening as I channeled Mai's character. Here's the fic by the way.

My point is that their relationship is conditional. It's conditional on Zuko choosing to side with the fire nation. That's why he has to break up with her when he realizes that's not what he wants anymore, and when he tries to explain that to her, she refuses to understand it. And then when she decides to get back together with him, it's conditional, too. She literally tells him never to break up with her again. That's not something you say to a person you love unconditionally, because unconditional love means allowing someone to make their own choices, even if it means letting them go. I'm not even sure you can claim Mai loved Zuko before his banishment, either, since all we see is her blushing once when they were kids. The most you can say is she had a kiddie crush.

I've also seen people say that she loves him unconditionally because she's willing to get back together with him despite not agreeing with his morals, and as I've already said, that isn't true, because she threatens him with ultimatums, and she makes Zuko promise something he can't keep. They broke up because of their differing morals, and since that doesn't change, Zuko is likely to do the same thing again, just like he did at the Boiling Rock when Mai thought he would just back down if she yelled and threw things enough.

But also, the idea that unconditional love in this particular instance is a good thing is something I have to question in the first place. Unconditional love is a lofty phrase, but there are absolutely things that SHOULD be conditional in relationships, and having the same morals and ideals is one of those things. Especially since Zuko is the Fire Lord and his beliefs about politics and ethics will affect the future of his country. This isn't just a difference of opinion, it's something that makes them fundamentally incompatible and it's never resolved. And using it to claim that Mai "loves him unconditionally" because she's willing to stay with him even though they have fundamentally different ideals rubs me the wrong way.

Which leads me back to why I think people make these arguments in the first place, and I agree that it's nauseating. Because often when people say this, they're making some kind of implication that Zuko was so horrible to her and he should be grateful to her that she's willing to stick with him. And not only is that a shitty thing to do to someone in a relationship, but it is not unconditional love. It's gaslighting. It's especially creepy because Zuko has already had enough of that shit in his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is, not despite who he is, and that kind of love is not real love to begin with. People are like "oh, but she saved him!" Yeah, she was the reason he was in danger in the first place, though. "Oh, but she put up with his anger and jealousy!" He was angry and jealous because she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her that he was hurting. "But she isn't his therapist!" Literally shut up. I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't think I've ever seen a fictional relationship be accidentally written like an abusive relationship the way this one is, and it's even worse given that Zuko already has a history of abuse.

And yeah, I agree I think people try to make this argument to counteract Zutara, because Zutara is so much about change. Zuko had to change to have a friendship with Katara, so to counteract people try to make Mai a more appealing partner because she "accepted" him even when he was a mess. But the thing is, as I outlined above, not only is this not true, because Mai isn't particularly accepting. But the other thing is that changing, becoming a better person for someone else, is a good thing. Not being fixed by a relationship, but being willing to become better for the person you love. Katara may not have loved Zuko when he was a villain, but she believed he could change, and that actually is unconditional love, the right kind of unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that makes people better and doesn't come with obligations. Mai loving Zuko when he's a confused mess isn't all that impressive since his abusive father and sister also "loved" him when he was enough of a mess to be kept under their thumb. This is abuser logic. And it's even more transparent because the second Zuko stands up for himself and takes steps to become a better, happier version of himself, Mai can't stand it and refuses to listen to his reasons, and then continues to act like he'll just shut up and put up if she tells him to.

This sounds harsh but a lot of it isn't directed at Mai necessarily, who is a fictional character who suffers from being underwritten and used by writers with an agenda. But the people who make these arguments that don't seem to realize how much they reek of abuse apologism, about a character whose narrative is so much about overcoming abuse? They can absolutely shut up.

Zuko doesn't owe Mai - or anyone - anything no matter how much she loved him or for how long.

I'd also question whether she made him "happier than we've ever seen him." Half those screenshots don't even show Zuko happy. Another one is when Zuko is commiserating with Mai over "hating the world." The last one is when Zuko is surprised that Mai doesn't hate him. So much for unconditional love.

#antimaiko

69 notes · View notes

avelera · 1 year

Note

What kind of stories would you say are better suited to be written as fanfic? What kind of ideas work better/worse as such — for both long (to incredibly long) and short (to incredibly short) stories?

I'm going to take a step back because your questions requires a definition of fanfiction.

Fanfiction, in my opinion, is a derivative work that requires knowledge of another author's work in order to be effective to the audience.

This is why, in my opinion, protestations that John Milton's "Paradise Lost" and Virgil's "The Aeneid" not being fanfic are based on a value judgement towards fanfic that I find inaccurate. People who protest that those are not fanfiction have a value judgement in which fanfiction inherently means "low quality", which is a separate paradigm of understanding than my own. However, in order to derive the full enjoyment and understanding of "Paradise Lost" the author John Milton assumes deep knowledge of Christian dogma. The story does not work if you have no idea who God, Satan, and Jesus Christ are on a fundamental level and why Salvation is a good thing and Damnation a bad one.

Likewise, "The Aeneid" assumes and requires familiarity with the story of the Trojan War. The impact is severely lessened if the audience does not know what the Trojan War is, who the major players were, and why Aeneas would be fleeing Troy with his father and son. Characters they meet along the way lack impact if you don't know them as figures from the Iliad and Odyssey by Homer, a separate author.

As a note, a writer cannot create fanfiction of their own original work. An original character in an original universe cannot be a Mary Sue, unless we change the definition (which I believe we should, to one better understood as "an unconvincing power fantasy" but I digress). The Odyssey is not fanfiction of the Iliad unless we believe that Homer did not write both of them. This gets convoluted when we start talking about things like mythology and shared universes.

However, "Fifty Shades of Gray" though it began its life as fanfiction, is not fanfiction, wild as that may sound. That is because though Fifty Shades in its original form was "Twilight" fanfiction, a reader does not require knowledge of Twilight to understand and enjoy the story in its current form. They might derive some deeper enjoyment from knowing its origins but that falls more into the category of "reference" at this point, in my opinion, than "derivative".

"Referential" is different than "derivative" by the way, in my mind. "Shrek 2" might make visual gag references to other works like "Lord of the Rings" that are more effective if the viewer has seen Lord of the Rings, but the story itself does not require you to have seen Lord of the Rings to follow it or to enjoy it. The story stands on its own without requiring you to stop what you're doing, watch Lord of the Rings, and come back.

So, to your question, first and foremost story length has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a story is better told as a fanfic.

What determines whether a story makes more sense as original fiction or as a fanfic is depth of knowledge of another work by a different creator in order to fully appreciate it.

A story about a high school girl falling in love with a vampire that ends in tragedy does not inherently need to be a Twilight fanfic. You can start from scratch with new characters in a new setting and no knowledge of Twilight would be required, though an audience familiar with Twilight might better understand the author's frame of reference.

A story by someone other than Stephanie Meyer about how Bella Swan came to regret her choice to become a vampire is a fanfic, even if the above mentioned original story and this fanfic cover many of the same emotional beats. Because the story relies on the audience's emotional connection, positive or negative, to the specific character of Bella Swan and the events of the Twilight series in order to follow this imagined sequel where she realized she made a mistake.

Now, that's a pretty canon-adjacent fanfic. I, personally, am not a huge fan of fanfiction AUs like Coffeeshop AUs where very little is kept of canon except the bare minimum of character appearances. I truly do think the author would be better served to saw off the serial number and just write an original work if the only they're keeping is the character appearances and a largely fanon interpretation of the characters. If you take out the vampires, and the high school, and you have Bella working for Edward in a high powered corporate setting and they decide to enter into a contractual BDSM relationship, I think the correct thing to do is to just adjust the story and publish "Fifty Shades of Gray" as an original novel, because you're so far away from Twilight at that point that all you're really keeping is the audience's attachment to that property and some elements of the power dynamic between Bella and Edward, which are easily transposed onto another fictional couple.

However, I am not representative of all fanfiction readers or writers. To some people, presumably, the fact that these characters aren't Bella and Edward makes the story not worth reading, even if their names are the only recognizable shared element with the original work. To each their own.

Finally, to fully answer your question I would say this:

A story that should be a fanfic is one where your goal is to specifically draw upon the depth of emotion and shared understanding of a character with the audience to make the story work. If it would require half the book to explain who these characters are and what they've done and why we should care about their past adventures in order to read this current exploration, you probably have a fanfic on your hands.

Ex. "I want to explore Bella learning she made a mistake by becoming a vampire." But in order to do this anguished character exploration you have to explain who Bella is, who Edward is, how they met, what her other options were, what events occurred to drive her to her decision, etc etc. Basically, a whole separate book before you can open to what you want to write which is her staring out the window realizing she hates her life.

But, if you want to write about a character who hates being a vampire and then embarks on other adventures, and all we really need to know is that at some point their high school crush turned them into a vampire and they now regret it...? No references to the Cullens, no Jacob, no Forks, no battles over Bella and Edwards love? Then you can probably just do an original story. And eventually, after you establish your new characters and world, you might be able to circle around to the moody emotional deep dive with your original character that you wanted to do with Bella.

It's a really nuanced question. It's hard to anticipate everything someone might mean. It's really dependent on the story. But I hope this makes sense!

#fanfiction #writing #maggie rambles

63 notes · View notes

not-a-mongoose · 2 months

Text

Hey! I've just had a really interesting conversation with a friend (which i won't detail here, but it was interesting).

Anyways I'm gonna make this post because it's really important to me.

What with the events going on, things seem very bad. The cult-following of Trump as well as the assassination attempt likely smothering any attention the Project 2025 thing was getting from the politically unaligned, and the sympathy garnered from the attempt in itself, makes for a pretty difficult front in terms of the upcoming election...

However.

Even though the first thoughts outside of the shitposting are probably to curl up and accept defeat, Don't Do That.

There are still things we can do.

There is always the option of doing something. Maybe some things are harder to do than others, but there is always an option of something to do.

In this case there's a very clear option of what to do.

What with project 2025 (if you aren't aware please research it) and what we already know of republican values and the previous Trump presidency, regardless of what you think of Biden, a vote for the Democrats is at least a vote against the Republicans.

There is the idea that it's fundamentally better to not vote than to vote for an imperfect candidate, but one thing:

There is more good in voting against a fascist far right party like the republicans than there ever will be in abstaining from a vote for any moral reason.

It's like: You're hanging out in town when you hear about a group of people going to harm a person you're close to. You can either find a way to stop them or slow them, or you can continue on with your day and hope they just don't find that person or change their mind. You might uncomfortable with doing that, but fundamentally it's better to find a way to stop them, either by physically preventing them from harming the person, or by helping that person hide or otherwise preventing the group from finding them.

It might feel simple to just give up, especially if it feels like the group is big, but remember that you are not alone in this. There are millions of people who don't want the far right to take control of america. And you have your own talents. You don't have to make a post or anything, but you could reblog other ones, or even just encourage people on the fence to look into what Project 2025 was about, or encourage them to vote, or even just vote yourself if you're the age of majority!

It's also important to remember: Choosing not to act is in itself an action. You are responsible for your own actions. In my opinion, it's better to act than to hope someone else fills in for you.

There is Always something you can do. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they're wrong.

#us politics #im not american but i believe that you guys can do it.#and by god i'm gonna try my best to encourage you guys to do it.#tobs talk

7 notes · View notes

watermelonsloth · 11 months

Text

Shikamaru’s Sexism Could’ve Worked

I think everyone’s aware that all throughout part 1 Shikamaru was a raging misogynist, but a lot of people ignore it. It makes sense why; it’s an immediate character ruiner and the author couldn’t even be bothered to remember it when shippuden rolled around. On one hand, it’s funny to think that the implication of Shikamaru’s sexism dissipating over the time skip (a time skip that characters only matured over) is that sexism is something only the mentally equivalent of children have and you’re supposed to mature out of it. On the other hand, I see it as yet another missed opportunity.

Addressing the idea of biases is not only an interesting topic when it’s actually discussed, but it’s also in line with the series’s theme about understanding bringing people together. Yes, it’s funny to say bigotry is the result of immaturity, but it isn’t accurate. Bigotry is the result of the belief of a group of people is fundamentally different from you that ranges from simple biases that align with common stereotypes (like women being submissive, Jewish people being greedy, etc.) to believing a group isn’t human.

I don’t think Shikamaru is quite extreme enough to view women as nonhuman, but he doesn’t just have simple biases. Keep in mind that I mean the sort of everyday biases most people have when I say “simple biases”. They’re more expectations for how someone will act based on a group they’re a part of and they’re mostly subconscious. Bigotry is an extremely harsh term for it because it’s just ignorance. A person hasn’t interacted with a group much so they base their conclusions about that group on what they’ve heard from others or seen through media. Shikamaru isn’t just presumptuous, he makes judgments and condescends women based on their sex. I’d say he’s somewhere in the lower-middle range; he isn’t outright discriminatory, but he’s an asshole coworker who says some dumb shit.

So, what would I do with him? I’d give him an arc similar to the ones Sokka from ATLA and Louis from Beastars have. The character’s beliefs are challenged by a character/through a scene(Team Avatar get captured by the kyoshi warriors and Legoshi’s character respectively), then while still in a state of worldview confusion, they interact with people from the group they’re biased against which changes their perspective(Kyoshi warriors/Suki and the Shishigumi). I don’t want anything to think that I believe it’s the responsibility of the marginalized group to educate or walk ignorant people to a place of tolerance or understanding because it’s not, but I do believe that the only way you can view people as equals is by interacting with them as equals.

I see it playing out like this:

The chunin exams stay the same with Shikamaru still beating Kin and Temari. The focus is establishing his character, his strengths and weaknesses in combat, and his dynamic with the other cast members.

Shikamaru gets a scene to show his opinion on Tsunade becoming the first female Hokage to expand on the assumptions he’s working under specifically (women only care about superficial and frivolous things, and they’re weak in combat).

During the Sasuke Retrieval arc, he gets his ass absolutely kicked by Tayuya and he’s saved by Temari, who says she arrived to help mend the relationship between Suna and Konoha. (Tayuya challenges his assumption that women are weak and Temari challenges the assumption that women are superficial.)

Over the training period/in shippuden, Shikamaru would further interact with the female cast (on screen) and have his biases challenged even more by characters like Sakura, Ino, Hinata, TenTen, Temari, and Tsunade furthering their skills and showing competency both in and out of combat.

This could culminate in something dramatic like a fight against a female villain (Konan, genderbent Hidan, or new villain) that he actually takes seriously or he could simply move past his ignorance.

I know that you can argue that all of this happened, but I’m not giving Kishimoto points for doing all of his good character writing/development off screen.

#Character development #anti naruto #anti naruto shippuden #I guess #I need to stop making posts I don’t know how to tag #naruto rewrite #fixing naruto #shikamaru nara #my stooff

23 notes · View notes

hajihiko · 2 years

Note

Ive been wondering. Did Hajime and Izuru finally fuse at the end, or is it still somewhat Hajime, and Izuru is just rolling around in his head drinking tea like a high class individual?

I think it's never totally explained, only that somehow neither Izuru nor Hajime is gone. But here's my own (long) take on the whole shebang;

Mind you, this is just how I like to interpret things, for my own reasons! Not dissing anyone else's takes, and my only reason is "this resonates a lot with me". Also it's just my general take, maybe other people have opinions and maybe it depends on AUs and such. I implore you to remember that this is just how I like to look at the topic through my own lens.

Basically, when I'm drawing Hajime or Izuru or HajiZuru, it's Oops! All Hajime.

Hajime at the earliest that we see: student, crippling self esteem and inferiority issues, pretty brash but smart and friendly. Signs up for the Project.

Hajime (Izuru) in and after the project: No emotions, no personality, no memories. This stuff makes up a person, so he *is* effectively a different one, but it's still a Hajime. Just, one that has been completely crushed and is behaving purely on auto-logic, with no past references to go off of. The identity of Izuru Kamukura was thrust upon him, and he never really had any opinions on who he was (or, anything really).

Hajime (HajiZuru) post-game and onwards: both of those guys' memories, which are his memories, because he never really stopped being himself in the flesh. He's not the same as Hajime 1, because who could possibly be the same after that experience, but he's also not like Some Other Guy. He's the same but different, like you are the same person you were 10 but also probably fundamentally different

Like, I think of it less as different personalities in a literal sense, and more like "you're not really you when you lack everything that makes you you, and going through that much trauma changes you without removing you from yourself". Does that make sense?

To me, Izuru isn't a separate person or personality, just the complete lack of a personality in a person that's gotten their brain fucked with. They doesn't feel strongly about anything including themself and their identity, and I think someone mentioned that they use a phrase "I am called Izuru" rather than 'I am'. The lack of anything that makes up their person is what renders them almost unrecognizable from someone who was feisty and strong-minded and had some real wants and fears.

Sort of like, and maybe someone can relate, being intensely and I mean intensely depressed, traumatized and then amnesia on top of it all.

The way things have been explained to me (by a few therapists and a year of psychology, not that I'm saying I'm an expert just that it's a common way to look at it) is that, the brain makes these little pathways to have an easier time reacting to stuff. These pathways can be really fucking difficult to get out of when they're deep enough, and they tend to get deep when it feels like a matter of life and death or when they serve as a defense.

One of these pathways might be Shutting Out Emotion. Feeling feelings hasn't helped in the past, just made things worse, and Not Feeling was better than being miserable all the time, so there ya go. The tricky part is that shutting out every single emotion includes stuff like, want and need and hope (hehe) and dislike. It's hard to get out of this rut when you don't- can't- want to.

Izuru to me is what happens when a person breaks completely and the brain shuts it all away for protection because it can't deal. Being upset, in pain, angry, etc was Not Helping Hajime's situation so it all got filed away, but it's hard to shut out only certain parts, so the whole entire emotions thing got chucked out (with the help of surgeries). Brain enters complete depression mode of Nothing Feels Like Anything. And when things stop hurting, the brain is like OKAY GREAT WE DID IT. And like, it sort of did; the brain is not in constant distress anymore, so it does work as emergency protection (which is what the brain likes to do under so much duress). Also, again, surgery speedrun.

Hajime in the game gets a brain-altering kick out of this rut, that he wouldn't have managed on his own. His Big Moment was the choice to not fall into that brainpath again, even though it might be easier and more convenient (tying into my take on the theme of the ending which is to face hardships and not take the easy road out of fear or desperation or apathy). He gets back enough of memory, feeling and sensation to understand that he does want to be himself fully, warts and all, and now he can work on carving out brainpaths that let him have feelings and be himself as he chooses to be.

The idea that Want is an emotion is pretty big to me. Someone with absolutely no want, like Izuru, wouldn't really want to change, but not really want to stay the same, anyway. Doesn't want to be alive, but doesn't want to be anything else either; total apathy, which sounds like hell, except you can't really feel bad about it either. Hajime wanting to protect his friends from an impossible choice and not wanting to disappear was a deciding factor.

So, to answer the actual question lmao, in my opinion they can't really fuse since they were never different people to begin with, and they aren't separate either. It's just one guy who goes from being a normal insecure person, to having no memory or feeling, to regaining his memories and choosing to take on the mess that is The Human Condition. Izuru is just a name someone slapped on a boy that had his brain broken.

I also think that there is a danger in Hajime ever falling back into that deep deep brainpath that he was in when he was effectively Izuru. If he embraced that emotionless but admittedly incredibly convenient way of being, it would be hard to get back to wanting to get out. With time, he might have carved out an even deeper brainpath that he decided on himself, and doesn't need to worry about snapping into an emotionless fog again. Ideal ending!

(Personal [feel free to skip]: the reason I'm really About this whole narrative is because I'm currently in the stage of carving out Emotion Brainpaths myself. No forced surgery or superpowers included (I wouldnt mind the latter), but I've been in a place where feelings were so shut out there was no Want for eating or moving or breathing, no sense of right and wrong beyond objective knowledge, and lot of reckless behaviour just to see if it did anything. I'm better now though! And that's why I'm so emo about my own take on this whole narrative.)

That was a long fucking read gold star if you made it ☆

#Not an art #Talky talky #Talky talky Tuesday #Oh boy it very long reader beware. Also a bit personal

189 notes · View notes

ackackh · 1 month

Note

well this maybe a little excessive but 🍊 🍋 🍈 🫐 🍇, if you will!

Thank you for the ask, anon! This is too long and I don’t regret it! 💕

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo…)

There. Are. So. Many. The first character who came to mind tho is Doc Bryan. I wrote 5k words of a fic forever ago from his POV and I loved working in that space but I also find his voice really hard to pin down. One day I will finish it and you’ll get to read all about how when you’re sad it helps to fuck a friend. (Ray)

🍋 What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

MMMM this is a hard one because I feel like I’m still finding my voice in this area. Uh I do love writing a first-time scene tho. And first time bottoming? Yes pls. Literally it’s in both the aforementioned Doc fic (Ray) and in DOGSTAR. (Andy) I feel like the general consensus in the fandom is that Eddie bottoms, which I also like, but I’m really into the idea of Andy specifically needing to let someone take care of him. Eddie is happy to help.

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ray, my truest blorbo, I have put him in Blender as a 3D model and am rotating him as we speak. Of course I love the motor-mouthing, but my favorite thing about him is that he’s so fucking intelligent underneath that. Like the most perceptive motherfucker. In God Is a Bluegill, he is constantly noticing EVERYTHING, especially how other people are feeling, and that 100% informs his behavior. Boy is a sponge. And his mania is either a medication for himself or for others and either way, I do think it’s genuine, I just think he also uses it as a social tool.

Also, if I’m writing BradRay, I love to make him quietly suffer. Little queer guy from Missouri, he’s internalized the idea that he doesn’t get to have what he wants, so he doesn’t even try to attain it. So while Brad is either pining after someone else, or hung up on his ex, Ray is like, ‘I’m gonna be the best friend, I’ll be whatever you need.’ And it’s BAD FOR HIM. There are similar things going on in the Doc fic as well, Ray wanting to do whatever he can to hold his friends together, likely at his own personal risk.

Damn, I need to finish that Brad-gets-dumped-during-OIF fic.

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

I’m pretty pleased with what the HBOWar fandom has to offer, we have so many talented writers who have lots of different ideas, so it’s hard to think of what I’m missing. I’d love to see more Doc Bryan POV, obviously I’m currently thinking on him a lot.

Here’s something I’ve wanted to write about because I love projecting and you can’t stop me: gimme transmasc Ray. I need a fic where his mania, his bravado, his insight into others are all things he’s developed to protect himself throughout his life. Like, I get we’d have to write around a lot of stuff with the Marines, but trans soldiers, at the very least, did/do exist in Middle East deployments, so I feel like we could suspend our disbelief a lil bit. Also foaming at the mouth for an E rated fic featuring this. For reasons. Ahem 😅

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Not to be on my AndyEddie bullshit again, but I could write over and over again about Andy and the day Eddie died. I’m visiting it way too much in DOGSTAR. But in my defense, I’m focusing a lot more on trauma in this version and in a world in which either survived, I think Eddie getting hit on the ridge would have fundamentally changed Andy. Especially, as is the case in this fic, if Andy believed Eddie was dead and not just wounded.

#ask #anon #DOGSTAR.#somehow I always ramble too much and don’t say ALL of my thoughts #not sure how that happens

2 notes · View notes

boyswanna-be-her · 1 year

Text

I spent the last five days & nights w BFR, and before that we'd spent TWENTY of the previous 25 days together, usually only pausing to sleep separately. And although we'd been joking about it, I didn't actually realize what a mindfuck for me specifically it would be to spend several years alone and then most of a month with someone and then need to abruptly be apart for two weeks.

Emotionally on a day to day level that's just so not an issue. I spent years and years of my past relationships craving freedom and alone time and the ability to do whatever i want whenever i want it without waiting on someone else or having to take their opinions into account. I was definitely sweating being lonely and probably I still will eventually feel lonely on this trip--but getting on the highway today to head to Denver ended up feeling good and familiar and right.

But this morning was not that way. PTSD is fickle and I'm still learning my triggers. Being around someone I really care about is dredging up a lot of things that didn't get metabolized in my last relationship. And this morning, I woke up at 1 am on my couch with BFR in a full-on panic. Something about the fact that we'd fallen asleep in front of a movie instead of bed was the first thing that set me off (idk man, idk). I woke them up, they said they would come to bed, I went to bed in my panic and put on sleep noises and exhaustion managed to override the panic and I cried myself to sleep assuming I'd wake up w BFR.

I woke up again at 4:00. They hadn't come to bed from the couch. Legitimately I recognized that this meant nothing but that didn't matter. My mind has gone FULL police sirens now. I go back to the couch. They fully wake up and apologize for falling back to sleep and make room for me and I try to get comfortable w them on the couch but NOPE somehow this process makes my mind actually tip from being skittish to having a full-blown anxiety attack. I realized after a minute of sitting with the feeling of overwhelming panic and terror (which it took me TWO more hours to identify as a panic attack btw wrow) that none of the feelings were coming from the sleeping situation, but I failed to figure out WHERE they were coming from. So Iay there on the couch trying not to sob, so so so fucking confused about what was happening beneath the surface of my consciousness.

I just couldn't parse it. Like, BFR is great and our time is great but I don't know them well enough to be in love with them or even to miss them THAT much. Like christ, not sobbing over it! Not heart beating like I'm running type of upset.

Finally after I'd done every errand and packing task I could think of, I was still sobbing off and on so went to my Mom's place for a xanax (she was sleeping but luckily my dad knew where she keeps them). Then i came home abd I woke BFR up and basically said "i think I'm having a panic attack and I could use some company, like, fucking yesterday about it, and at least until the xanax i just took kicks in." And they got up and got their act together and immediately started uhhh taking care of me in a healthy way. Just sat with me and listened, said everything was going to be ok. And I talked at them and cried and cried and finally worked out that it had been a panic attack since I woke up at 1:00, I just had been deflected thinking it was bc I was sad to leave BFR.

In reality, there was this deep and abrupt CERTAINTY that I woke up with that my life had somehow fundamentally changed overnight and there was nothing I could do about it. It's almost 24 hours later and I'm still all shaken up to even approach understanding that headspace, but there it is. Between the fast onset of Jonathan's mental illness, his unexpected suicide, and the really awful way D ended their relationship with me a few weeks after Jonathan died, I have a very deep-seated belief that everything in my life can and will change without warning, for the extreme worse, ESPECIALLY when I feel safe, secure, loved, and excited about my future.

I just woke up and "knew" that it was all changing. I felt deeply that one or several devastating events were going to take place once I left town. Top on my list, when I drill into it, is that one of my parents or friends will get a devastating injury and/or die before I can say goodbye (lmao no idea where that comes from 🙄). It also felt/feels (when I let myself feel it and put it into words) 85% likely that BFR will change their mind about me while I'm gone and pretend like all of this never happened. Which honestly when I look at it with my logic brain is even less likely to happen than someone dying.

So I really got in there and sat with those feelings. It only helped a little bit to say it all out loud to BFR. It only helped a little bit to get their reassurance. That's how it is with this shit: it's not logical or evidence-based, so you can't logic your way out of it.

Eventually the Xanax got me, and I fell asleep in bed with BFR being the best and watching me and stroking me and waiting for me to either wake up on my own or need to be woken so I didn't miss my day of travel.

I slept HARD for two hours. When I woke up they were there waiting for me, sitting in bed. They had quietly continued cleaning my apartment, as well as gathering up all the snacks they had to send with me on the road trip today.

I felt so much less insane after the third attempt at sleep. Without talking through it AND a healthy dose of a sedative, I don't know that I would've been able to get on the road. I cannot think of a time other than during the sheer ego death of Effexor withdrawal in December when I was that completely panicked and inconsolable and SCARED.

I was two hours behind but after all that i was ready to go. I got the dogs loaded up and ran into a friend who said BFR was "a cutie" and we "would be a perfect couple" (i'll tell her later we already are 💕). I finally dropped them off on their side of town and hit the road for my first leg to Tennessee.

It is definitely taking lots of bandwidth for BFR to be there for me in the way that they are currently showing up. I know more about their history now and it makes me even more appreciative of the monumental effort it has taken to let someone new into their life. They had therapy this afternoon (let's goooo weekly therapy havers!!) and I could absolutely tell by the VERY serious tenor of their texts this evening that they'd been talking about us in therapy which is 1. Something a partner has NEVER done before, I'm always begging my partners to get therapy and they dont and 2. Incredibly fucking encouraging/affirming that they are indeed putting thought into me and I'm not stupid to be doing all the communication groundwork to build something nice. Shit is so pleasantly NOT one-sided. Like my last therapy sesh was me asking how I can avoid becoming codependent and wrecking my own life for someone, and their sesh had an apparent focus on communication with me and how to be vulnerable with me. The fuck? How healthy? Go off, I guess. We had a really thoughtful and helpful communication session (I had to pull over while driving but I did so happily bc it's really worth it), which in retrospect was not an easy conversation for either of us. We both were acknowledging some difficult truths about ourselves and setting expectations for what that means about a relationship. It's honestly quite doable things to overcome, and EARLY to be digging in, but it's also really fucking helpful to be in the loop with what they're thinking/fighting and I'd imagine vice versa.

But they sent me thoughtful texts all day (more than I sent them), did their yoga class, therapy, called me once I was settled in the hotel, listened to my stories about the day, asked if I wanted to stay on the phone and watch a movie together. I went to the hotel gym instead. Solo travel is going to be tough on my sobriety, and getting physically worn out has been helping a lot. Doesn't matter much what I do--just gotta tire out the software by running the hardware or something like that.

So. It was an awfully hard day. BFR took it in stride but I did not. I tripped up and kind of rolled down a fucking jagged hill. But all I can do is show up and try again and not sweat it too much that PTSD is going to be a part of my life until it's not. There's a lot that makes it worth it right now.

I think I have a lot of potential to create something special and rare with this person who has found me. Usually when someone cares about me this much and fawns over me and wants to help me in areas where I really need it, I find it a huge turn off. That's always made me feel misanthropic, but idk. Maybe there was always some thin-slicing going on and I felt that there would be a catch. But with BFR there's something I recognize there. The care they give me isnt a donation, or an investment, or a down payment. They genuinely like to see me succeed, like to see my pain eased or erased, even when there's nothing they can gain from me. They're happy to make me happy in a way that I actually don't think I've ever encountered from someone who was interested in me. Like I hate to just relegate them to the cliche of service top but they are indeed panning out to be someone who gets off in every way by overachieving in helping or pleasing me--and they're talented at making that service-y aspect somethinf that I'm the boss of, instead of making me feel like I'm a pet project or something to be changed.

That's my ramble. Needed to vomit it all out somewhere. I'm retroactively editing so my apologies for the everything. Pictures to come.

#bfr #colorado trip

21 notes · View notes