#if it's about buffy working through the angelus stuff by learning more about jenny and dru??

[jennycalendar]

every episode of season three thus far has really been hammering home this motif of buffy as uniquely isolated by her trauma in a way that only angel can fully understand! which is understandable, but it does make me long for the imaginary timeline in my head where jenny was the one who was brought back, in large part because something about a world where jenny and drusilla were treated as buffy's season three kindred spirits instead of angel would hit really hard, i think.

[jennycalendar]

Imperfections (26/?)

ao3

more things happen...i’m tired...catch me sobbing about jenny & faith Yet Again thru long fics

The car ride to school the next day was incredibly quiet. Faith stared out the window of the car, hugging her backpack, lost in thought. Jenny tapped her fingers nervously on the car door, resting her hand on Rupert’s leg as he drove.

She wasn’t at all looking forward to the inevitable conversation with Buffy. Even back when Buffy had forgiven her, Angel had been a delicate subject between them. A part of Jenny still felt a little like she had no real right to be mad at Buffy, considering that she herself had hidden aspects of her life from the group because she thought it was the right thing to do. Another part of Jenny was decisively furious and hurt; Angelus had tortured her in front of Rupert, and Buffy had hidden his existence from them both just because she didn’t want them to react negatively to his being back.  

Rupert took one hand off the steering wheel and rested it on Jenny’s. Jenny felt the knot in her chest loosen a little as they pulled up to Sunnydale High.

“I have class,” said Faith abruptly, letting go of her backpack and fumbling with her seatbelt.

Jenny glanced at Rupert, then said, “Hold on, Faith, there’s some stuff I want to talk to you about.”

“I’ll go in ahead of you,” said Rupert quietly, giving Jenny’s hand a quick squeeze before letting go and getting out of the car.

Faith looked up. “Something wrong?” she asked a little warily.

Jenny shook her head. “Not—exactly,” she said, which was as truthful as she could get without starting the inevitable Angelus conversation.

A sudden thought occurred to her that made her forget what she was going to say—why hadn’t she told Faith about Angelus yet? Why was she so incredibly hell-bent on making sure that Faith didn’t have to know about Angelus until it was an absolute necessity? Sure, initially Faith running off to kill Angelus had been a genuine concern, but more recently, Faith had almost always respected Jenny’s judgment without rushing recklessly into battle.

Maybe it wasn’t that Jenny wanted Faith to learn about Angelus from Buffy. Maybe it was that Faith was only seventeen, and she already had vampires to kill, and she didn’t need another reason to be afraid that someone she cared about might get hurt.

Jenny didn’t want to have to see Faith afraid. That was all it came down to, really. She didn’t want Faith afraid.

“Jen?” Faith was giving her a strange look.

That was selfish. That was stupid. She couldn’t keep Faith in the dark just because she wanted Faith feeling happy and safe. In a town like this, knowledge was the difference between alive and dead. “Faith,” said Jenny, “do you remember that conversation we had your first night here?”

Faith frowned. “About nightmares?”

“About the vampire,” said Jenny with effort. “The one that tortured me.”

To Jenny’s surprise, Faith looked a little bit guilty. “Yeah,” she said. “I—kind of asked Buffy about that.”

“Really?” This was news to Jenny. “What did she say?”

Faith hesitated. “She said you were sent to Sunnydale to keep an eye on a vampire with his soul, and that he lost his soul, and then you tried to give it back to him and got hurt doing it.” She smiled a little. “Kinda badass, if you ask me.”

Jenny winced. “Yeah. That’s, um, kind of a highly simplified version of what happened. Do you want to get out of the car?”

“Sure.” Faith slung her backpack over one shoulder, climbing out of the car. Jenny followed. “So. What happened?”

“I came to Sunnydale because of a vampire,” Jenny began as they started to walk towards the school. “Angelus. He’d killed a, um, family member a while back, and we’d cursed him with a soul so that he’d feel the guilt of all the murders he’d committed.”

“Whoa.” Faith’s eyes widened. “That’s hardcore.”

Jenny smiled a little. “I guess you could call it that, but a vampire with a soul isn’t in any way the same person as a vampire without one. Angel was—kind.” She thought back to Eyghon, something she’d thought so traumatizing and terrifying at the time, and almost wanted to laugh. A lot had changed since then. “He saved my life once. My family is pretty big on the whole vengeance thing, though, so they weren’t too keen on listening to me when I told them he’d changed, and they never got around to telling me that the curse could be broken.”

“How’d he lose his soul, then?” Faith asked, holding the school door open for Jenny. “That seems like a pretty weird curse if it’s breakable.”

Jenny hesitated. This was the part she’d been a little worried about telling Faith. “Angel and Buffy were dating,” she said carefully. “Because of his time with Buffy, Angel experienced a moment of perfect happiness, and the curse…wasn’t built for that. The soul he’d been given was meant to make him suffer, so when that suffering ended, even if it was only for a moment, the soul was gone too.”

“Fuck,” said Faith. Jenny was startled. Looking over at Faith, she didn’t see a single hint of anger at Buffy’s omissions, only sympathy. “I guess I get why B’s not big on the whole sharing thing.”

“You could say that,” Jenny agreed.

“So then—what happened?”

“Well,” Jenny paused before continuing, “Rupert and the kids were understandably pretty mad at me. I hadn’t actually told them that I’d come to Sunnydale to watch Angelus, and,” she remembered that horrible moment in her classroom, Buffy striding in with steely eyes, “it didn’t come out in the best of ways. So I tried to make things right.”

Faith stared. “Giles was mad at you?”

Jenny had to laugh. “Yeah. Our relationship was a pretty intense rollercoaster last year.”

“And then Angelus…tortured you because of that.” Faith’s expression was almost carefully neutral.

“No, actually, Angelus tortured me for information about how to bring about the end of the world,” Jenny replied simply, “but it didn’t work, and he ended up dead instead. Or as dead as a vampire can get, I guess.”

Faith nodded slowly, then frowned. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, Jen, but why are you telling me this now?”

Jenny stopped walking. They had reached the library, and she could see Rupert and Mrs. Post talking in his office. “Because Angelus is back,” she said finally. “We found out last night that he’s—” She hesitated. She had a feeling that telling Faith about Buffy and Angel kissing wouldn’t make Faith all that happy—that, and she’d caught Faith staring at Buffy more times than she could count. At some point, Jenny wanted to talk to Faith about girls, but she was pretty sure that they weren’t there yet. “He’s with Buffy,” she said finally. It wasn’t her place to tell Faith about Buffy and Angel.

Faith stared, eyes wide and hurt. “B’s been keeping secrets,” she said.

“From all of us,” Jenny said hastily. “Not just you.” She decided that this might be a good segue into her next topic, and continued carefully, “Rupert and I are holding something of a Scooby meeting to talk to Buffy, but I think it would mean a little more if you talked to her later. One-on-one.”

“Yeah.” Faith crossed her arms, shaking a little. Jenny wanted to reach out to her, but she had a feeling that that wouldn’t exactly be met with gratitude. “I—don’t think what I have to say to her is stuff I want to say in front of you guys.”

Jenny wasn’t sure if she should advise Faith against lashing out at Buffy, and eventually decided against it. Faith was getting pretty good at calming down and talking things out. Besides, Jenny understood the need to work through intense emotions, and she knew that she’d be there to help Faith if things went awry. “Okay,” she said finally. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re being left out of a Scooby meeting.”

Faith smiled slightly, shrugging a little, and said to the floor, “I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

It took Jenny a moment to register what Faith had just said, and another moment to press her hands to her mouth in an attempt to hide her smile. “Oh,” she said. “Yeah. Well. You’ve, um, got good instincts, Faith.”

Faith looked up, smiling. “Damn straight,” she agreed. “I gotta get to class, but—”

Jenny caught Faith’s arm. “One last thing,” she said. “Remember what I said about thinking like a Watcher?”

Faith’s smile faded a little. “Uh,” she began. “About that—”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Jenny, remembering the late-night conversation with Rupert and smiling fiercely. “Give Mrs. Post hell.”

Faith blinked, and then her smile came back in full force. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” Jenny squeezed Faith’s shoulder. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

 Jenny was kind of a mess through most of her morning classes, but thinking about Faith and Rupert made her feel a little better. Then, smack in the middle of the last period before lunch, she realized that Willow hadn’t come in for her TA session. And then it occurred to her that she couldn’t actually remember the last time Willow stopped by her classroom since Faith, which resulted in her having to let the kids out of class five minutes early just so she could pace anxiously around the halls. She felt awful about the way things were going with Willow, but there just wasn’t time to really mend anything right now, and somehow that made her feel even worse.

Rupert caught her arm as she passed the library. “Coffee?” he suggested gently.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” said Jenny a little shakily. “And Mrs. Post might still—”

“Oh, she’s long gone.” Rupert tucked Jenny’s arm into his, steering her into the library. “I managed to convince her that there was really no point in evaluating me during a school day.”

He stopped them both by the checkout counter, letting go of Jenny to enter his office. Jenny followed, sitting down on the edge of his desk. “Do you want to talk to me about Buffy?” she asked tentatively as he closed the office door. “You said something about that last night.”

Rupert handed Jenny a mug of hot coffee and sat down in his desk chair, resting a hand on Jenny’s knee. “I’m not sure—” he began.

“I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable—” Jenny added hastily.

“No, not at all, it’s just…” Rupert trailed off. “I don’t know where to start,” he said finally. “I’m not exactly in the habit of being forthright with my emotions.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” said Jenny, smiling slightly. “Just—try, okay?”

Rupert nodded, his fingers tracing patterns on her knee. It was silent in the office for long enough to let Jenny take two sips of her coffee, and then he said, “I did say last night that I worry Buffy doesn’t respect me, but—I don’t know if that’s entirely why I’m so upset by the concept of her keeping this from me.”

“Okay,” said Jenny, putting down the mug of coffee so she could place her hand over Rupert’s.

“It’s—” Rupert looked up at her. “Angelus tortured you,” he said, his voice oddly steady. “For hours. For pleasure. He knew he wouldn’t get what he wanted from us, at least not in time, and he still broke every last one of your fingers in front of me. I know you don’t remember much of that night, but I do. Every part of it. He wouldn’t let me look away.”

Jenny looked down at her hand. The fingers were still crooked—just slightly, and only if you were looking for the imperfections.

“It isn’t just that Buffy disrespected me with this gesture.” Rupert’s eyes were wet behind his glasses. “It’s that she disregarded what Angelus did to you.”

This was so far from what Jenny had been expecting that she couldn’t come up with anything at all to say in return. At Rupert’s hesitant expression, she suddenly remembered that this was probably the first time in a very long time that he’d been direct and honest with someone, and wow she was doing a really bad job of reassuring him. “Fuck,” she said weakly. “Sorry. I just—that’s a lot to take in, Rupert. I didn’t think—I mean, you know, I thought—wow, if she—”

Rupert kissed her.

Jenny kissed him back, then pulled away. “God, England, I’m so bad at this,” she said miserably. “I thought you were supposed to be the flustered one.”

“We can switch off.” Rupert was smiling for a reason Jenny didn’t entirely understand. “It’s—if it helps, it makes me feel quite a bit better to know I have someone to talk to about this.”

Jenny managed half a smile back. “It does help,” she said. “Thanks.” She sniffled (was she crying?) and squeezed Rupert’s hand. “I—think Buffy might have put at least some thought into not telling us, to be honest,” she said carefully. “I think she was scared of how we would react, and she didn’t want us to tell her she couldn’t see Angel. It was maybe a little selfish, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t coming from a place of disrespect.”

“Thank you,” said Rupert softly. “That’s quite astute.”

“You’re sweet,” said Jenny wryly.

“I’m honest,” Rupert replied simply.

Outside, Jenny heard the library doors opening, and then the hushed voices of Willow and Xander as they entered. Upon hearing them, Rupert stood up, gently pulling her with him.

[jennycalendar]

Imperfections (16/?)

some talk about angelus goes down (sort of) & another canonical event starts to change.

it’s also on ao3!

So the whole “strategizing in the morning” thing turned into a “having sex to avoid talking about Angelus” thing, which then became a “kissing a lot during breakfast to continue avoiding talking about Angelus” thing, and it was all really nice until Faith said that she got that she was a guest and all but could they please tone it down at least a little, at which point Jenny had to stop kissing Rupert and remember that the vampire who wanted her dead was alive and waiting to strike. She poked at her pancakes.

“You guys have been weirder than usual,” Faith commented through a mouthful of fruit salad. “Everything okay?”

“We’ll tell you when we’ve come to a definitive conclusion,” Rupert replied, not unkindly. “Jenny, love, you need to eat.”

“Don’t patronize me,” said Jenny, but it didn’t come out as playful or joking as she wanted it to. Rupert winced and directed his gaze to his own plate. Feeling guilty, she reached across the table and took his hand. “We’ll—figure it out, okay?” she said finally.

Rupert looked back up at her and nodded. She could see the old worry in his eyes. “I trust you,” he said.

“And I know you trust me to talk to you about things worrying me,” Jenny added very pointedly. “Like I did last night.”

“If you guys are gonna get all cryptic—” Faith interjected a little indignantly.

Jenny breathed out, turning to Faith. “How about I put this in perspective?” she suggested. “Rupert and I are going through something deeply personal, and something I don’t want any of the other kids to know about. What you know right now—that we’re upset and worried—is so much more than what I want Willow, Xander, or Buffy to be aware of. You still know more than some people, Faith, and I trust that you’ll keep it that way.”

Faith looked startled. “So—” She hesitated. “I don’t tell anyone else that you guys have been acting weird all morning.”

“Our secret,” said Jenny. “You can trust me, right?”

Faith gave Jenny a small smile. “Yeah,” she said, and shrugged, as though her admission of trust was small potatoes. Jenny knew Faith well enough by now to know that it wasn’t. “But I’m with Giles, Jen. You should eat.”

“Is everyone here mothering me today?” said Jenny, and this time it came out with her usual playful snark. Rupert smiled.

Faith wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Jen and Giles obviously had something they were both worried about, but she did like the fact that she was the only other person who knew about them being worried, and that Jen had specified she was trusting her to keep that secret. It felt special. Big. Not even Buffy knew that Giles was worried, and that made Faith feel important and guilty at the same time. But mostly important. So that was good.

Jen and Giles had a really long private conversation after breakfast (Faith sat in her room and turned on the radio so she couldn’t hear them), and when they got into the car they were holding hands. Faith threw her backpack into the backseat and got into the car as Giles was saying, “So we talk to Buffy?”

“I think we should,” said Jen. “I’m going to start researching what it might have been when we get to school.”

“You don’t have to be—” Giles glanced back at Faith and then said very loudly, “So! Music?”

“You’re going to talk to Buffy?” said Faith, trying her best not to sound hurt.

“Kind of,” said Jen. “But it’s sort of more us investigating a theory than us telling her what’s going on. If that helps.”

“Not much,” said Faith, putting her feet against Jen’s seat.

“How about I promise to tell you as soon as everything’s sorted out?” Jen asked. “Will that be good?”

“Are you going to keep that promise?” Faith shot back.

“You know I will,” said Jen simply.

Faith felt a little weird about the honesty in Jen’s eyes. She opened up her backpack and started pretending to read the book for her English class while Giles started up the car, listening quietly to the front seat conversation for the first few minutes. But Giles just kind of talked about how much he hated the time Snyder wasted with pep rallies, and Jen said that he was the pinnacle of un-American behavior, and Giles said of course he was, he was British, and Faith felt a little better. This kind of conversation was the kind of stuff she’d gotten used to over the last few weeks.

It was only when they got to school that it hit Faith that she hadn’t once thought something about everyone in the car ending up dead, which made her feel anxious and worried, because last time she’d let herself get comfortable, things had gotten real bad real fast. And now she was realizing how awful it would be to watch Jen die, because Jen understood her in a way Faith wasn’t sure anyone ever had, and she still hadn’t told her that, and she probably wasn’t going to tell her that—

“Hey, study girl.” Jen was leaning through the now-open car door. “That book must be pretty good, huh?”

“I guess,” said Faith, and unbuckled her seatbelt. She didn’t want Jen to die. But she hadn’t wanted her Watcher to die, either. “Still haven’t written the essay for English class.”

“You’ve got time over the weekend,” said Jen encouragingly. “We can work on it together, if you want. Or Rupert can help. He might be better equipped for the literary world than myself.”

“Nonsense,” said Giles, and kissed Jen. They’d been all weird and kissy ever since Homecoming. Faith guessed it had to do with Jen’s panic attack. “Are you ready to go in?”

Faith made a face.

“Me too,” said Jen with amusement. “Me exactly. You know I have some of the athletics kids in my first class, right? The ones Snyder’s always trying to blackmail me into passing when they’re not even paying attention to the assignments?”

“Did you report it to the school board?” Giles asked with a frown.

“I did! But they were all ‘oh, we try and let each principal address the grading system in their own individual way’ just because they don’t want me fucking with their athletics system. I’m thinking of going to the mayor if it gets too out of hand.”

“You would,” said Faith.

Jen blinked. “Something wrong with that?”

Faith shook her head, and only realized she was smiling when Jen smiled hesitantly back. “No, just—” She shrugged. “You’re all about ethical learning and shit like that. It’s cool.”

The small, delighted grin on Jen’s face made Faith feel like she wanted to say things like that more often. But not too often, because then they’d lose their meaning, and Jen wouldn’t look at Faith like she was looking at her right now. “I didn’t know you thought so highly of me,” she said.

“Yeah, well, now you do,” said Faith flippantly, and started walking faster. Jen didn’t try to catch up with her, but when Faith looked over her shoulder, she could still see that happy smile.

Jenny started looking into possible ways Angelus could have come back, but seeing as she had no idea where to start book-wise, it was a pretty difficult job, so she started looking online instead. She found a few articles about a thing called the First which could theoretically have the power to bring back vampires from hell dimensions, and which was a malevolent force of evil anyway, but it seemed a little far-fetched that this great big force of evil would focus in on trying to hurt them with Angelus. But then it occurred to Jenny that Buffy was, after all, one of two Slayers, and bringing Angelus back could create a serious rift between Buffy and Faith, which could be what this First thing was going for.

Essentially, she just had no clue what was going on. At all. And it was frustrating, because she was taking the day off of teaching class to research this, and she wanted to tell Rupert hey, honey, I’ve found fifteen different articles on what might possibly bring back the vampire that wants me dead. She wanted to be able to tell herself that, because then she could work on trying to stop whatever it was that brought Angelus back. Or if he even was back.

Were there spells to track that down?

A mug of tea bumped her arm. She looked up and smiled. “Hey,” she said tiredly.

“Scones,” said Rupert, and handed her a small bag of pastries. “Might help alleviate the tension.”

“I’m going to be tense for the rest of my life, probably,” said Jenny, “especially if Angelus is out there.”

Rupert sat down next to her. “We’ll—hack this,” he said with conviction. “This is what we do.”

“Hack,” said Jenny, and laughed softly. “Looks like I’m rubbing off on you.” She handed Rupert one of the printouts on the First. “This is what I’ve got so far,” she said. “I know it’s a long shot, but it’s one of the only things I can find that might have enough power to do something like this.”

“There’s always the Powers that Be,” Rupert suggested.

“Right,” said Jenny. “The Powers would bring back a soulless vampire who wants to kill good people. Seems super likely.” She took a sip of tea. “I feel like we should be looking more on the evil side of the spectrum. Things that might want Buffy or Faith dead, because Angelus would sure do a good job of at least driving them apart.”

Rupert flinched. Jenny took his hand, and he gave her a flicker of a smile. “I just—” He breathed out. “I don’t like the concept of Buffy’s death,” he said finally, as though admitting something huge and awful.

“Are you supposed to?” Jenny asked carefully, trying to restrain herself from also asking is this a weird Council thing?

“I’m not supposed to have any feelings on the matter whatsoever,” said Rupert, his eyes on their joined hands. “The Council says a Slayer is a weapon before she is a girl, and she must be reminded of that constantly.”

“The Council also encouraged you to break up with me because it would be dangerous for me to be involved in supernatural matters,” Jenny reminded him. “I think at some point you really need to reevaluate your position on what they want you to do.”

Rupert looked slowly up at her. “About that,” he said. “I—I’ve been meaning to talk to you. There’s a tradition involving the Slayer’s eighteenth birthday—”

This was when Buffy came in. “Hey, Giles!” she said cheerfully. “You said you wanted to talk to me before class?”

Rupert hesitated. He still seemed a little nervous about something that Jenny couldn’t place. “Yes, I think so,” he said uncertainly. “I-it’s a bit of a sensitive matter. I hope it doesn’t negatively affect your studies.”

“Spill, Giles.” Buffy pulled herself up to the counter, giving Jenny a small, easy smile. “I’m sure it’s not all that bad.”

It suddenly hit Jenny that Buffy had been in the supply room too. Not only that, but Buffy would have seen Angelus better than anyone, seeing as he’d broken up her fight with Pete. If Angelus was anywhere in the vicinity, and if Buffy had known it was him, why wouldn’t she have brought it up to them? “Rupert,” she said quietly. This wasn’t going to be a fun conversation, and she wanted to let him know.

Rupert placed a hand over hers, mistaking her concern about him for worry about talking about Angelus with Buffy. “Buffy,” he began, “Jenny heard from Debbie that she saw Pete get killed by a vampire.”

Buffy’s smile flickered and faded. She looked down. “Yeah,” she said hesitantly. “Um.”

But then Rupert said, “I—I realize you may have been somewhat out of sorts, especially when facing as formidable a foe as Pete, and I understand that you may not have seen Angelus if he did, in fact, kill Pete, but we may have to entertain the possibility that Angelus really has returned.”

Jenny saw Buffy’s face visibly relax at this. “Yes!” she said, almost too brightly. At Rupert’s startled look, “I—I mean, I’m just—I’m glad that you told me. So that I can prepare, i-in case he goes after me or—something.”

“Actually, Buffy, I don’t think you’d be the primary target,” said Rupert quietly, and Jenny felt his hand tighten around hers.

“Well—” Buffy stopped, and then her eyes landed on Jenny. “Oh.” She ducked her head. “Oh, I—didn’t think—”

“Angelus and I didn’t part on what one would call good terms,” said Jenny lightly. “He shows up and I get the sense that he’s going to want revenge for that soul spell I cooked up, so it’s really important that we know all we can about what could be going down with him.”

She couldn’t flat-out say that she thought Buffy knew something and wasn’t sharing, but she could try and convey the importance of the situation and hope that Buffy gave some information herself. But Buffy smiled nervously and said, “Well, I—I’ll let you know. If I find anything out, I mean.”

Jenny decided to put her half-formed suspicions about Buffy to the side. It was likely that Buffy had been out of it during the fight, and maybe she hadn’t seen Angelus at all. She liked that possibility a lot better than Buffy keeping Angelus a secret from all of them, and anyway, Buffy would never do something as thoughtless as that. She was a sweet kid with a good head on her shoulders, even if she could be a little vindictive sometimes, and it was likely that her weird behavior right now was coming from her being shaken about finding out Angel might be back. “Thanks,” she said gently. “I’d appreciate that.”

Buffy was now smiling so widely and tensely that it looked like she was gritting her teeth. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah. I’ll see you guys after school.” She turned, hurrying out of the library.

“I hope she’s okay,” said Jenny quietly, and then turned back to Rupert. “What were you saying about birthday traditions?”

[jennycalendar]

Bravery (18/?)

writing jenny and xander and willow as a Scooby Family warms my soul tbqh

(it’s also on ao3)

“It’s more of a—” Jenny made an effort to clench her fist, but her left hand still had one last bandage around its thumb. “Pretend my thumb’s on the outside,” she instructed, “and just go from there. Putting your thumb inside your fist and punching someone could really hurt your thumb.”

“Yeah, but you should see the other guy,” Xander joked.

“You’re making a fist!” said Willow delightedly. “How does your hand feel?”

“Do you two want me to train you?” Jenny inquired with amusement. “I’m going to need your full attention.”

“But your hand,” Willow persisted, beaming and reaching out to link her fingers with Jenny’s. “You can hold things. And pick things up.”

“Yes, something that won’t do me any good if I die on patrol, which will most likely happen if I don’t have two capable kids who I feel okay sending off into a spooky graveyard.” Jenny directed a pointed look at Willow, and had a feeling it wasn’t as strict as she’d like it to be.

She was happy to have a functioning hand, and it was a little strange to be happy when the first person she’d ever fallen in love with might never come back into her life. She felt like she should be a lot more off-balance than she was. But Willow and Xander both seemed so determined to fill any and every empty space in her life, and it didn’t leave much time for sadness. She suspected that it was their way of thanking her for staying when Rupert and Buffy didn’t, and when she of all people had the fewest reasons to keep living in Sunnydale.

“So you’re saying we’re not capable?” Xander said, feigning a hurt expression.

“I’m saying you have potential,” Jenny replied patiently, “and that you need to learn how to utilize it.” She sat down on top of the library table, picking up one of the target pads and tossing it to Xander. “You hold this, Willow punches,” she instructed them both. “Twenty times and then you switch, okay?”

“How many vampires are we gonna catch with a right hook?” Xander objected.

“It’s about building muscle and accuracy, not technique,” Jenny reminded him. “Technique comes after your punches start actually having an effect.”

“She’s got you there,” Willow giggled.

“Hey, you too,” Jenny said pointedly, but she had a feeling she was smiling. 

She wasn’t quite as good at Rupert’s businesslike approach to training, and she had next to no idea what she was doing (save for the bits and pieces she’d picked up while sitting in on some of Buffy’s drills), but she’d looked up some stuff online with her newly healed fingers and had decided that Willow and Xander knowing some things was better than them running into dangerous situations with no way to protect themselves.

Like going into a mansion with a crossbow and broken fingers, she thought, and felt a little glad that she hadn’t mentioned that excursion to Rupert during their big fight.

Willow was throwing punches. Jenny reminded her not to lock her elbows before getting up and beginning to sort through the weapons. Some spare stakes, a few bottles of holy water, some garlic—honestly, Rupert never really utilized the garlic, probably because it was more useful for protection than for fighting. One couldn’t really fight vampires if they were repelled by the garlic. Jenny picked up a handful of garlic, pocketed one of the bottles of holy water, adjusted the cross around her neck (her fingers traced the bumpy edges of her scar), and headed out to check on Willow and Xander.

“You punch like a girl,” Willow was teasing Xander.

“Buffy’s a girl,” Xander objected, “and besides which, that’s sexist.”

“Okay, then, you punch like a Xander.”

“Now I’m really gonna get you,” Xander informed Willow, which made her double over giggling.

Jenny rolled her eyes fondly and walked past them both with the garlic, careful to avoid Xander’s flailing arms. “Accuracy,” she reminded him, setting the garlic down on the library table.

It felt a little strange to be training like this. Rupert had almost always been in the library when Jenny was here, and Buffy had always been the only one to use the equipment Willow and Xander were going at. Jenny almost felt like she was intruding, like they were playing at being Watcher and Slayers. There was a lively grin on Willow’s face that Jenny had never seen on Buffy’s when she was training.

“Who’s gonna train you?” Xander asked suddenly, looking over at Jenny and nearly punching Willow in the face. “Yikes—sorry, Will.”

Jenny considered this, and then smiled slightly. “I’ll just be your Watcher,” she said. “Like Giles, except cooler and with more broken bones.”

“And minus the liking-Buffy-more-than-us,” Xander added in a low voice to Willow.

“Xander,” said Jenny reprovingly.

“She only ever uses that voice with you,” Willow teased.

“It’s pretty justified, I think,” said Jenny, crossing her arms and fixing Xander with the stare Rupert had once described as “able to cut diamond.”

“He left,” said Xander stubbornly, “and if you guys had broken up while Buffy was here, he would have stayed.”

“It’s not a fair comparison to make,” said Jenny, and the words were the hardest she’d ever had to say. The last thing she wanted was to defend Rupert’s actions (especially when she personally thought he was being an idiot), but she was learning fast that her own personal biases weren’t things that she wanted to force onto Xander and Willow. “He’s spent his entire life preparing to be a Watcher, and Buffy’s a big part of that.”

“Yeah, well, life changes on you,” said Xander sharply. “It’s not fair for him to be so—fixated.”

The part of Jenny that was still bitter about the breakup and angry that she missed Rupert so much wanted to say that yeah, Xander, it wasn’t fair, it was stupid and awful, and she hated that all of them had to deal with Sunnydale problems without proper resources, and she hated that she was teaching kids to punch when her broken thumb wouldn’t let her make a fist, and she was tired and sad and she wanted to go home to the guy she was still stupid enough to be in love with. But she looked up, managed a smile, and said, “We make do with what we have, Xander, and we don’t dwell on what we can’t change. Okay?”

Xander didn’t say anything.

“Okay?” said Jenny again.

Reluctantly, Xander nodded. Then he said, “It just—doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“I’m touched,” said Jenny, and meant it. “But I think I’ll be okay.”

They trained for about two hours until Snyder came in and kicked them out, saying that they shouldn’t be hanging around school when school was out and just because Ms. Calendar was a teacher didn’t mean she could make impromptu visits with students and things like that. Jenny stopped listening about thirty seconds in, but stayed there for a few minutes to give Willow and Xander time to vacate the premises.

“You owe me big-time,” she informed them upon reaching the parking lot. “That was the worst thing that happened to me all year.”

“Worse than breaking up with Giles?” Xander asked.

He was grinning, in the same way that he did with Willow and Buffy, and it wasn’t a smile that Jenny had ever remembered being directed at her. She felt herself smiling back. “Much worse,” she said sardonically.

“Worse than Angelus?” Xander persisted playfully.

With anyone else, Jenny would have been offended. “Have you seen Snyder on a disciplinary kick?” she replied, quirking an eyebrow. “You guys are lucky. You don’t have to sit through the endless faculty meetings and get called out for PDA.”

“I’m pretty sure he calls everyone out for PDA,” Willow pointed out. “That might not just be you.”

This sparked a conversation between Xander and Willow regarding what kind of PDA Snyder would approve of, and what they’d been called out for, and whether or not Snyder had ever actually known the touch of a woman (that was mostly Xander; Willow seemed thoroughly disturbed by the concept). Jenny unlocked the car and the kids got in the back. She’d specifically bought a small VW a few years back, seeing as she’d never thought she’d have more than one person in her car at any given time, but the kids always managed to squeeze into the back. Maybe she’d need a bigger car.

The thought made her grin a little as she started up the engine. Normally, she wouldn’t have driven the kids around, what with her broken fingers, but she had one and a half working hands (even though her wrist hadn’t completely healed yet) and it was enough for her to manage to drive a car pretty effectively. The streets were usually empty this time of day, anyway.

“Music!” Xander called from the backseat.

“I’ll turn on the radio,” Jenny called back, smiling to herself as she did so. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in a car full of people she cared about. Not only that, people who she was certain cared about her.

Abruptly, painfully, she thought of Rupert. Wherever he was, he wasn’t going to have this kind of community and loyalty to fall back into, especially not now. She wondered if he knew what he’d given up, if he missed it, if he was lonely. She wished that she wasn’t so damn forgiving, because there was a part of her that wanted to hunt him down and kiss him until they were both laughing again, take his hand and lead him back home.

She’d thought home was where the heart was, and she’d thought her heart was with Rupert. It was strange to consider the fact that maybe she had been wrong on both counts.

Jenny was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of Willow’s slightly off-key singing, bright and cheerful even while it was somewhat flat and grating. She looked up into the rearview mirror and saw Xander tapping to the beat on the car door, grinning at Willow with a proud expression.

She loved these kids. She hadn’t expected to love them so much, but she loved these kids, and she got the sense that they didn’t get as much love or attention as most kids did. Willow’s mom never seemed to be around, and Xander got a closed-off expression whenever Jenny brought up his parents, and it was strange to think about Willow and Xander as outsiders in their own homes. She’d never known that they’d had that in common.

Jenny hummed along to the music, quietly, and felt a new kind of joy at Willow’s delighted laugh. This was different from the rush she’d gotten after she’d translated the curse, or the way she’d felt when Rupert had told her he loved her. She realized, suddenly, that she felt safe and warm on the sunlit street, Xander and Willow in the backseat. Maybe she had done something right, at least by Xander and Willow. She’d never managed to hurt them through her inaction, or with her action, or anything, really. They were happy that she was here.

“Can we stop for ice cream?” Willow called.

“I have some in the fridge at home,” Jenny called back, and smiled.