#if it weren't for covid then i would absolutely go work part time at my old DQ job bc it was honestly fun fdsjkl

[dandyshucks]

I WANNA BE A JANITORRRR

[ffjj5]

Let's get talking 🗣️💜

Warning: this post will discuss mental health and trauma.

Today is World Mental Health Day and until December 2019 I had been fortunate enough to have never had any struggles with mine. But then I did and I am not exaggerating when I say it shook me to my core. Following a traumatic event I was hit hard with anxiety, insomnia, fear, rumination and a constant feeling of impending danger. My home was no longer a place where I felt safe and I ended up working extra hours just to be out of the house. I couldn't eat as I always felt nauseous and I very quickly became a person that others didn't recognise.

I was always the one who helped and supported others in my friendship group so my friends didn't really know how to deal with that person being the one needing help and support. They were worried about me but just weren't sure how to help. So we sat and we talked, a lot, and they listened to my fears and worries and they helped me start to organise the thoughts in my head. One friend suggested that part of my healing may come from helping put the scum who had caused the fear behind bars. But in order to do that I needed to be in a better place. Something clicked in my head and I got in touch with my GP (who was amazing) and got the help I needed. It wasn't easy, it took time for me to feel the benefit of the medication, it definitely got worse before it got better but it did slowly get better. It was bloody hard work and there were days when I was so scared I was never going to get better and that how I was at that time was how I would be forever. But as time went by I felt the old me slowly coming back.

Nearly all of this was happening during COVID-19 a time when we were all forced to be at home, when I couldn't work to escape my house. Nothing like some forced desensitisation to help with healing! One positive to come from it being during this time is that my daughter was home from Uni so I wasn't at home alone and she was an absolute god send and helped me more than she will ever know.

A year later the case finally went to court after many COVID 19 influenced delays and I was in a place where I could give my evidence and give it well. It was terrifying and it's a blur but the next day all three defendants changed their plea and were sentenced to a joint total of 33 years.

This is when the real healing started as I knew they were gone for a long time and I was safe.

Now whilst my daughter was home she introduced me to a group called BTS, you may have heard of them 😁. These 7 men have been a significant part of my healing and they will never know how they brought light, laughter, happy tears and song to some very dark days. They also bought some sad tears but they were cathartic sad tears, We are Bulletproof: the eternal, Zero O'Clock and Magic Shop were three of my favourites to have a healing cry too.

My fight with my mental health continues and it has reared its ugly head again following my recent diagnosis of a chronic condition. But on the whole I am winning with the help of some amazing friends both near and far. There are some very special people on here that I speak to regularly about Jikook and life in general and I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart for listening to me. I am always here to return the kindness 💜💜

[practically-an-x-man]

Talk Shop Tuesday! How do you decide how much IRL is in your sroeiea? For example when Rose goes to NYC in the 80s and sees the twin towers, she has a reaction, but there is no Covid or Trump in the Hazelverse.

Thank you!

Thank you! Presuming that funky word in there is meant to say "stories"?

Talk Shop Tuesday

Oooh, that's a tough one, since the vast majority of my stories don't take place in the current present. For the most part, I tend to stick to the timeline established by the canon media, which means that most of my fics are at least a few years "behind schedule"

My X-Men fics take place between the 1960s-1980s

Vivienne's story takes place in the 1890s

My DC fics take place around 2021

Heartstrings takes place in 2013

Taking Flight takes place in the early 2000s

WWFA? takes place in 2014

Nom De Guerre (my other 6 Underground fic) takes place around 2019

Even when my fics do take place in the present (or near-present), I don't have a strict rule for what events I include and which I don't. I suppose I kind of fall into a similar vein as when I decide what's canon and what I'm changing when I write fanfic: if it's something that has a reason to be changed directly, I'll change it, otherwise I'll generally leave it be.

For example: Catch and Release takes place in 2024, but there's no mention of a COVID pandemic having taken place. Half the population Blipped during the prime years of COVID, plus the MCU has a fair bit more technological advancement than the real world, so even if COVID did still exist, transmission would be limited enough to not cause a worldwide event.

However, Heart in Your Hands also takes place in 2024, and I would say that the COVID pandemic absolutely did happen there. For one thing, there's not anything to really prevent that from happening; and for another, I think it can fit into the story in an interesting way. Coney Island is completely empty for the first time Jimmy's ever seen it, it's even more isolating than it was before... all over the world, people are being quarantined in their haunted houses and forced to interact with ghosts they weren't entirely sure really existed before... the Spenglers have just moved onto the Dirt Farm at the tail end of the quarantine period and things aren't quite normal yet... it works for the story, even if it's not overtly mention in the movies or HIYH.

Plus, I feel like there's a bit of a distinction in how the movies were made. Both the new MCU movies and the new Ghostbusters movies were made in a post-COVID world, but I think there's a difference in approach to their atmosphere. The MCU tends to focus on its superhero threats and uses the Blip almost as a stand-in for the COVID pandemic - there's symbolism there, how the world was suddenly changed and people had to adapt to a new way of living, but COVID itself doesn't exist in that world. And while there's no mention of COVID in the new Ghostbusters movies either, there's almost a feel that it still took place: again, not in any overt way, but there's just something about the atmosphere and the way people behave that tells me COVID still happened.

I feel like I'm not articulating this well, and I really didn't mean to focus solely on the COVID pandemic, that's just the main recent event that could go either way on whether or not I include it in my story - especially since most movies choose not to mention it, even if they were made in a post-pandemic world. The long story short is: unless there's a reason for it to deviate from the real-world timeline, it generally follows the real-world timeline. Otherwise you just have to balance a whole lot of Butterfly Effect stuff, and things just get way more complicated.

[bossyuri]

Ima put my random thoughts about SRV in here! It probably won't make much sense but wtv sdfsg

again I haven't placed the last building or conquered the whole map yet, as context, but i did finish the main story aside from that.

So ima start of with thoughts while disregarding how the bugs affected the experience!

Overall, I had a good time! I really enjoyed it. I love the new crew. I loved the focus on friendship. I'd say the story overall is nothing really special though, which I don't think is necesserily a bad thing. Sometimes a chill story packaged in a fun game is good ya know.

I loved finding out bits and pieces about our friends through dialogue, I think that was great, and I really liked that it felt like a solid friend group. Modern Yuri (as I like to colloqually call him lmao) is so much more mellow from having a good support system early on lol. But he's still got some Classic Yuri in him.

The rival gangs I think that thematically, visually, their music and stuff, they were great. I liked them a lot, they had good contrast, their music when you fight them rules. I do think that they were a little underused in the actual story though so they don't quite leave the impact that say, the Syndicate did. The threat they posed felt more theorical than anything you actually see. Again not the worst thing, but I feel like they could've used a bit more time to be more present. (I did like how the Panteros stuff ended because it tied in with other things later though!). Like I think in particular that the collective could have been used a lot more.

That said I did play with looong months-long break for the first quarter of the game so idk how that affected my impression. And the last few missions I think were really, really cool, I really liked them! But I felt like the middle parts after a certain point weren't quite as memorable.

But I don't think it was bad! And the game isn't quite over yet, so I'm looking forward to what's to come.

Also I did like how narratively the game tries to give you a nice fantasy release from a lot of real life issues. I'm sure many people at Volition had to face these frustrations in their lives and it felt like. relatable yknow.

Now though.....so I work in game QA, going on my 7th year, and the game released in....really an unnacceptable state, which was really a bummer and really harmed it. I don't blame the devs. Devs want to give us good games. But they don't control release dates.

and they did not control covid. I know a lot people see covid as an "excuse" to fuck up games but trust me as someone who was working in the industry through it all, it absolutely messed up a *lot* of stuff that you may never know about. My setup from home is still not ideal. And thats not even getting into employee burnout but anyway-

I've had crashes to desktop, blockers in missions (regularly), broken multiplayer (tho i havent had a chance to test it again after patches) needing full game restarts for a variety of reasons (clothes broken, face broken, world stopped populating, quest blocked...) the clothes system still breaks for me after so many months after release (thought its a lot better. i dont fear the stores as much anymore lol). I don't know if it's a quirk of the PC version, but it would have been so much more of a good experience if they had had the time to polish the game more before release. Lots of gamers don't have much patience for this kinda shit, and it's a shame for a game that has a lot of love put into it.

But they're still patching the game, and the QOL changes that they keep adding are really good. The game is a lot more stable for me too so I will definitely keep playing, and I'm hoping that my mental state will allow me to make some fun content from it. I'm still kinda hoping for a steam release sometime so I might get to replay the story again if that happens. Because taking screenshots on epic is a goddamn pain.

So huh anyway. I don't think anyone cares that much but if you've read that far thank you! And also thanks for sticking around with me for so long despite my dropping off the face of the earth in a depression spiral. But I'm still around and Yuri is still around. And Saints Row V is fun!

[stevishabitat]

Yup. I remember even 10 years ago in the school district my mom worked for, they were required for some internal rules reason, to list jobs after someone had left or retired, and had to leave the listing available for a certain amount of time, first for people already working in the district, and then publicly.

And then if they didn't find a suitable hire (subjective) they rolled that job's duties into an existing position.

So by the time my mom transferred to another position altogether, she had absorbed the duties of four other people who left and weren't replaced. Her new position was actually created specifically to combine the jobs of two people who had retired.

And it wasn't that no one applied or no one was qualified. They just... didn't hire anyone. There were delaying tactics and all kinds of shenanigans to avoid hiring.

Another big part was that they were downgrading positions from full-time to part-time so you could apply for a lateral or even promotional position and go from 40 hours to 35, and lose your benefits and summer hours. Who would accept those terms?

It was absolutely intentional to avoid having to hire anyone, so they could just heap the responsibilities on someone who was already overworked and under-compensated.

After the covid response disaster, they lost loads of staff who weren't willing to return to in-person because there were no safety accommodations being made. So any older folks, folks with risk factors, or people with at-risk family members had to take early retirement or quit.

They haven't even pretended to try to replace those folks. They outsourced everything - custodial, food service, office staff, bus drivers, groundskeepers, maintenance, tech services, etc to temp agencies, which basically means a revolving door of part-timers who have no hope of getting a permanent position.

[softgirllover]

Hey there

You know that one person you legitimately despise for no reason? The one person who, by simply existing in the same space as you, absolutely ruins your day, puts you in an awful mood, and means you can barely get anything done? Yeah that's my mother.

Let's begin when I was little. I was 4 or 5, greatly enjoying elementary school, having fun with both my teachers, and life was actually pretty fun. My mother recently told me about homeschooling, that it would help me get smarter, and that we could spend more time together. Being a dumb, impressional kid, I said yes.

Worst mistake of my life.

I barely had any human contact, because my Mom considered working on the computer and talking to her friends on the phone a better use of her time than teaching me. There weren't any other kids around, and she freaked out whenever I left the house, so I just stayed inside and watched TV. She still yelled at me though.

Eventually she realized that I didn't have any friends, and decided to start hosting this random homeschoolers club that other parents used. I met my first friend there, and his name was Eli.

We played a ton together, and wanted to stay friends forever. He moved down to Massachusetts though, so I didn't see him after that.

Eventually after a few more years, I made two more friends. Twins, Lucas and Emily. I liked them both, and really liked Emily. She was kind of my first crush, before I even knew what that really was. Their Mom and mine didn't get along though, and I bet everything i own that they were waiting for a reason to separate us.

I ended up causing that reason.

No, I'm not talking about it on here, but it was pretty bad, and I still feel awful about what happened. Emily, if by some chance you're reading this, I'm so sorry. I must've ruined your first kiss.

After that, Mom and Dad finally separated. I wanted to go with Dad, but I couldn't say it. My social skills were so awful that I couldn't even talk to my own parents.

Things got worse. Dad always was the brunt of Mom's outrage cause he occasionally drank. With him gone, I was to blame for everything. Every slight, every iota that she disliked about the world, she dumped onto me. I was supposed to help her with whatever she needed, and like a good little chattel slave, I went right along.

Though, she just yelled at me more.

I ended up taking some college courses when I was technically in highschool, but I wasn't able to meet anyone new there. Then COVID hit, and I was trapped with her again. I was used to that though, so I think I did better than most people? I'm not sure.

Finally i got my first job at 20. Retail work, but most people were nice to me, and the older folks always want to chat with me. I'm still at that job currently, and I actually really like it. It's tiring, but the worst part of it is going back home.

After that, an old friend of my Dad moved in with him. Chris. He went to jail for raping a teenager. He is an awful person, but he did hit me with the reality of my situation, and I'll be grateful to him for that. He's still an absolute dickhead though, but he moved out when he got my Dad evicted.

Now that the holidays are on their way, Mom is getting stressed, which means she's making me stressed. I have a DnD group I've been trying to DM for, but I barely have time to write up the next session, and she's having issues because I swear occasionally with them.

A very nice old man who is a repeat customer at my job painted a few really good murals of Jesus in one of the local churches, and invited me to see them sometime. I was supposed to let him know before today. I hope he isn't disappointed.

I want to kill myself so much it's driving me insane. I can't, because I'm the only thing keeping my father from doing the same. Every single day I want to die, or I want to kill my mother. Most of the time it's both.

There are people that rely on me and care about me, and that makes it so much harder. Is it worth making them sad, angry, and depressed because I can't deal with this anymore?

It isn't. It never is, but my only other option is existing like I am now.

I'm not religious, but God, I want to die.

Kill me, please. I'm too much of a coward to go through with it on my own terms, and I hate myself for it.

[romilly-jay]

Free Guy: If The Truman Show was a Game Featuring Ryan Reynolds

***spoilers***

I'd forgotten (of course) but Free Guy was one of those movies that got bumped multiple times because - COVID pandemic. Instead of opening in cinemas June/July 2020, it opened - after several reschedules - in August 2021.

This is one of the things mentioned in passing by RR as Deadpool in this spoofy Free Guy Trailer Watchalong also featuring Taika Waitiki as his Marvel character incarnation, Korg:

Also, oh my goodness it made RR the Man of Many Movies in 2021 - well, three movies, but that seems like... alot?

He also appeared in the sequel to 2017's The Hitman's Bodyguard (a big fave in this household despite or possibly because of it being crude and violent - the sequel is noticeably less fun, in my view). AND in Red Notice, with The Rock and Gal Gadot (also, IMO, Not As Fun).

So - good news for RR / SL was that Free Guy was a commercial success, earning $300m worldwide and ending the year just scraping into 10th place in the list of top ten box office earners. AND with the extra credit due for doing so whilst also being original IP. Screenrant has pointed out that ALL the other top 10 earners in both 2021 and 2022 were part of a pre-existing franchise (before going on to suggest that RR almost counts as a franchise in his own right...)

Did it work? Views in our household were a little mixed (I was more forgiving). Mark Kermode - quite liked it. For what it was. Clip below.

What did I think worked well / less well?

So, for me, the movie was a perfect blast whenever we were watching RR in his utopian/dystopian Free City world. A wonderful intro through the opening montage that shows Guy's chipper, happy, but slightly-empty-at-the-heart life, resolutely upbeat despite the mayhem being caused all the time all round them by sunglass-wearing players. (There's a bit later on that explains the players don't HAVE to wear sunglasses - if they're in a part of the game with no missions, for instance, there's no benefit to wearing them.) The levelling up montage - making the most of the idea that he's the Good Guy - is also super fun. The hero fight near the end against Dude, the buggy, under-coded alt-Guy commissioned by the baddie is also entertaining - and resolves in a very in-keeping manner.

Less successful? The segments in dirty, nasty Real World. Although full joy watching TW being a terrible, terrible Manchild Tech Bro <3

I think the tricky thing here is that RR is the big star - and is In Love with the Jodie Comer character - but can't logically "end up with her". So, they need an alternative resolution, one that gives her a happy ending in the Real World and leaves Guy happy in Free City. (Actually, that second part is easier - since he's coded as peppy and since the big, big win for his character is the journey to self-actualisation prompted by encountering his Dream Girl in the game. Which also has a logical grounding in the movie lore, because that's the result of deliberate coding experiments by JC's Real World design partner.)

It works but it's a switch and only one that we could see coming because there weren't other viable Real World candidates - not suggested in her behaviour. Even if the feelings have been clearly trailed from HIS side, they have been non-existent from her side.

Still, RR delivered a cracking performance and clearly enjoys working with Shawn Levy - they went on to make The Adam Project (time travel - YAY, Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo as young RR's parents - YAY) and the latest Deadpool movie (also starring Wolverine).

Something I thought worked really well was the design aesthetic - game world versus Real World - and *ofc* turns out that absolute LAYERS of nerdy detail went into this, mostly for details we never get to linger on, but anyone freeze-framing would get a kick out of...

Interview with the production designer in Variety gives more detail:

I also saw somewhere - somewhere not especially credible like Reddit but *shrug* maybe?? - that the opening map we see showing the layout of Free City is closely modelled on a map of Portland, OR?

[blog-nstuff2]

At Home with Niall Horan Zane Lowe playlist interview april 8 2020:

Niall talked to Ed Sheeran during the beginning of covid lockdown

Slow Burn Kasey musgraves

Hozier is the nicest guy in the world. Take me to church is in top ten songs of past 20 years. From bray or wicklow Ireland. Touches on serious subjects.

Almost by Hozier

Mentioned working with someone who worked with kings of leon only by the night record, talihina sky documentary.

Be Somebody by Kings of Leon

Zane: if you weren't internationally successful, are you comfortable in your own company

Niall: I'm fine on my own but I've been calling people, parents 89 yr old grandma using facetime and the TMS writing and production crew that Lewis capaldi uses too. Might write with them soon. Spoke to shawn Mendes but he's madly in love elsewhere. So much time alone with your thoughts during this lockdown time. Lots more to write abt and good songs will come out of this

Jolene by ray lamontagne

Z: hozier, damien rice, Kasey, ray lamontagne are all monster writers. How do you critique your own words enough to feel good about letting it go to share it esp when measuring yourself against these great writers?

N: I don't know when to let it go so that's why it takes me so long to do stuff. Overthink a chorus but that happens when you've given yourself a timeline. What's good abt lockdown is there is no timeline. When I'm sitting here I'll just strum around and leave it as a melody voice note and come back to it later on

Z: who do you play stuff to when it's ready? Who's the first person

N: depends on the vibe. TMS, Jamie Scott, up tempo I'll play to julian ryan tedder Greg kurstin. Something acoustic might turn into more. Something different on the ear cuz in pop we tend to be very straight but playing around with groups

In your atmosphere john mayer

Z: your message abt canceling tour cuz o covid was very thoughtful. You have crew to be affected

N: fans bought tickets which is amazing feeling that ppl wanted to come to the shows. I figured I'd pause it and refund ppl but hardest part was email to the crew and band. They live tour by tour and live on a bus to make money so that was hard decision

Z: you talk abt bands like kings of leon, john mayer, stevie nicks, there's a musical connectivity there between you and harry. He made a playlist for us and was diving into old soul bill withers shuggie Otis but I know he's a fan of these kinds of artists cuz his music reflects that. Is that something you guys bonded over during time in 1d? It's like your musical taste is align more than ppl would have recognized in those 5ish years

N: we were both heavily into 70s rock. He more into the british end of things. I was more into the eagles, what was happening in laurel canyon. He into that too but more of a stones guy

Z: the irony of that is harry is now managed by irving azoff and is best friends with stevie nicks. He totally jacked your shit. Hahaha

N: to be fair to him he absolutely loves Fleetwood mac. He got me into things like shuggie Otis. We would pass things back and forth to each other but yeah it's funny that he's like you said.

Edge of seventeen could have been on rumors. Lots of that stuff in laurel canyon era. Joe Walsh said every song should be written around a riff like edge of seventeen catches your attention

Z: what's your go to chord?

N: I play a lot in DADGAG. Had two guitars delivered from my freight and they were in dadgad, or simple stuff based on a C. Fast picky stuff cuz I tend to stick to straighter grooves so I've been trying to do different sounding kicks and pulses.

Zane: congrats on heartbreak weather it's your best body of work and production wise and feel wise it's super cohesive songs are fantastic but you've picked songs with 70s aesthetic and laurel canyon like slow burn like la is rubbing off on you. Quite folky. Is that in your wheelhouse for future?

N: yeah what's probly coming is simple stuff cuz I have just acoustic guitars around right now. I listened to damien rice when I was 10 and never wrote a song the same again. Ed sheeran was raised on damien rice too. What is beautiful is that Ed leaves in little mistakes like damien rice does like vocal scratches. Doesn't have to be perfect

The blowers daughter damien rice

Z: you picked billie eilish and it must've been fascinating watching these past 18 months someone get that kind of attention cuz last time someone got that kind of attention it was 1d so she's the first artist to be out on the world stage with that level of attention including weird pressure. Must've been oddly familiar

N: when I see phenoms like that I just hope she's ok. We see horror stories all the time like justin bieber falking abt his experiences recently which I understood his experiences but I had the other boys in 1d to keep me same. Justin and I talk a lot and have a lot in common with fandemonium. Things can go wrong still even if you have tons of money. Billie and her family seem great I met them st the brits 2020.

Everything I wanted billie eilish the pulse kick and reverb on snare is beautiful

Z: taylor swift with lover shows that she refuses to be boxed in even when ppl want her to do one thing but she did give us what we wanted with lover

N: cant tell ya how much I love this song it's unbelievable. Genius. She's so honest. Ed sheeran Sara aarons Amy Allen Julia Michaels just spit chorus and everything in one go. She's always had a knack for honesty and sweet, but bad side too like bad blood. She's just one of greatest songwriters of her generation. When I'm sitting here writing/playing some chords I think to myself what would taylor do and I've told her that. Few artists here you can think about like that like would she go minor or go major. She deserves everything she gets.

Z: you talked abt taylor in a wonderful way she'll sit on the piano and observe natural human experience and paint that picture. You can imagine what's going on when she writes like capturing a moment forever

N: most successful ppl have been the no beating around the bush ppl like paul Simon, stevie, don Henley, ed taylor swift. Straight down the middle. She just paints the pic and I'm jealous of it sometimes

Z: what happens when you're the subject matter of no holds back writing? Knowing you've been apart of some experience that inspired someone's song and could've been just with your buddies in the band perspective or a relationship. Howard it feel when you're on receiving end of that kind of subject matter when you're a writer too?

N: laughs. You can develop a song based on a story. It can be truthful or you can develop it to make it sexier if original story isn't that interesting. So sometimes I know the truth but I know that that person is a song writer and they can change the narrative. Artistic liscence lol.

Z: without artistic liscence we wouldn't have rumors but we would have teenage dream cuz it's a perfectly constructed robot of a song.

N: I looked up max martin and saw all of what he's worked on. Teenage dream is best pop song of last 20 years. Its genius from the riff to pre chorus middle late double chorus etc. Ahe reminds me that she was the one who put me through on x factor

Z: do you think into future?

N: I do worry that being a musician for the rest of my life won't work out but you can't do that cuz then you've already dug yourself a whole. I'm 26. I've had success with the boys and on my own. I've never been so driven. Idc how much money I get I'll always have that drive. Ed still wants the biggest songs in the world and he'll tell you that. I asked him for a drink recipe that Russell crow gave to him and he replied.

Dancing on my own by Robin is off the charts. This is dream as far as writing pop songs goes.

[thranduilland]

That makes sense for things that people love or are going to be doing for the rest/bulk of their lives. But the degree I am sitting is only going to get me a higher paid role at my work, where I will not be writing essays. So, what use is the practice for me? If I was going to be a full time academic after leaving study, sure. it makes sense. But I am not and most other people I know aren't either. They're all getting degrees so they can advance in their already established careers which require them to have specific degrees, but don't actually require any knowledge gained from them.

Also, on the matter of unis making things harder for absolutely no good reason. This is true. My university required hard copies of all assignments as well as digital copies of all assignments until covid hit, where they immediately ceased requiring hard copies and haven't asked for them since because 'we don't actually need them. We just preferred having a hard copy to mark'. That woulda been fine except you had to submit the hard copies to a specific location on a specific one of our three campuses, you couldn't submit to the drop boxes on the other two campuses. And if you submitted the hard copy late, you got marked down, even if you'd submitted the digital copy on time. Some people are part time students and don't spend every day of their life on the uni campus and so had to make dedicated trips to uni just to hand in their hard copy of the assignment they'd already submitted online. A friend of mine would take time off work to go and submit her hard copies because she couldn't do it any other time, since the boxes weren't open during the weekends.

I will never believe self-plagiarism has a place in our society. Just never. It is stupid 'you say you did this work, but actually I think you're a filthy liar who lies so no, we're gonna mark you down as a filthy plagiarizer but it's for your own good so even if this is your own work, you can get better with practice :)' even if you can provide proof that the original work is your own. Just no. Another aspect of life designed entirely to make things difficult for people who don't learn the exact same way others do.

[tutuandscoot]

I’ve had several asks come in the last few days all kinda on the same subject and making the same kinda frankly, ignorant assumptions. I am of course accepting of and recognise others opinions but since there were a few I’m just going to address them in one post, and hopefully that will be the end of it, coz frankly it’s not something I like, nor feel like it’s something we have any right to discuss.

I’m not a gossip blog, I’m not a reality/trash blog. I’m not a blog that’s going to comment on the subjects’ of my blog’s personal lives. Every opinion I write is based on everything that has come from them. I do not read into anything based on timing of Instagram posts, how frequently someone visits their cottage, when someone is in a certain city. What anyone is doing with their private lives. I know me saying what I do isn’t going to convince anyone to necessary change their behaviour just coz I think it’s poor form, but I’m saying it anyway coz based on my own morals, it’s the only way I can in good faith participate in a discussion about two real people.

My blog is about love and appreciation of TS as humans, athletes and artists. Humans with flaws, humans that are not perfect and in fact celebrate their imperfections while still becoming the best in the world. Humans that spent their athletic careers under the spotlight and were unnecessarily probed at endlessly and dealt with assault upon assault of their relationship purely because it didn’t fit the story people (who had mostly just discovered them) wanted. There is absolutely no problem with fantasising and imaging ‘what if’ but please just keep it respectful. These are real people with real feelings and to think they hear certain things people were saying about them makes my heart ache for them (not necessarily the things in the asks- much worse things).

It’s really sad that the world has become a place where anyone can make assumptions on people relationship/s based on what happens on social media. The weight the “life” lived through social media has on peoples’ opinions and judgement. I’m not saying I’m immune to this, but for the subjects of my blog it is certainly not a factor in my opinion of them. I’m dancing around a few of the specific things said in some of these asks as to not to call anyone out but some of it is truly astounding and hypocritical. The idea that there are people who think that because a certain amount of time has passed between them seeing each other means they are no longer friends... how would you like it if people were doing that to you and your best friend, or you and your partner who were separated due to work or border closures or inter-personal problems that is nobody else’s business? Not to mention THE FUCKING PANDEMIC that literally shut down the world for a better part of 18 months (some places shorter some longer). My best friend and I live in different countries (she in NZ, I in AUS) I went to see her in NZ 5 weeks before Covid started. I was meant to go back for her 21st birthday in July (2020). I couldn’t. AUS and NZ had some of the strictest travel/covid restrictions in the world. We had a brief travel bubble in March/April 2021 before the delta outbreak where she was going to come visit me but we couldn't get it to work coz it was too risky. We tried unsuccessfully several more times but we finally got to see each other last month when she came to visit me after my surgery. Yet over those 2 1/2 years we got closer and closer just by staying in contact and laughing together even tho we weren't even in the same country. I’m not certain of the specific restrictions in Canada (I know for a fact it was more strict and considerate of the health of the country as opposed to the meth lab downstairs) but I think at this point with most places being back to normal its hard to forget just how unprecedented covid was and how it separated us.

I’m not going to get into the specifics of what TS were doing and where during covid (coz again IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS) but i know for fact they were on opposite sides of the country (at a time different countries) for a significant period, then on top of that, they are both insanely busy people who take enormous pride in their work. They are workaholics (especially T) and they love what they do. She has worked so hard her entire life at becoming the best ice dancer in the world despite horrible injuries and is such an incredible person that once they decided to stop, in fact even before they did she was planning the next phase of her life. She didn't want to be remembered as ‘the girl in the red dress’ for the rest of her life, she didn’t want February 20, 2018 to be the peak- the end of her life, at just 28. How easy would it be for any of us, if we were to put ourselves in her shoes, to cash in on endorsements and tour the world as a skating celebrity (with or without Scott) and make a bomb from doing that, with her technique and athletic ability waning, performing increasing slower and laboured versions of MR for the next 30 years. NO. She values herself as a whole human being and wanted to challenge herself in new areas that have always interested her. For anyone who judges her for how many brand endorsements appear in her IG, think about how intelligent this girl is. She put herself through an MBA over zoom. she studied through a psychology degree while being the best Ice dancer in the world. Think about when she said how she was beyond simply posing with a product, and she wanted to really be part of what these brands do and work with people who share her values. We see her posing with the product still because that IS part of it, she is well known- BECAUSE of her career that is so iconic it manages to reach into mainstream culture. But there is so much that goes on behind a still photo. TV has so much integrity and would not be doing these things if she didn’t love it, if she wasn’t contributing to things she believes in. And honestly, the fact that she’s a girl and gets so much slack for that is even more disgusting.

Having said that, it seems the treatment of Scott was and possibly is worse. I’m really not going to get into any of that because it’s really disgusting and considering he is so much less on social media, the way info was found out and assumed is the reason I fear for what humanity has become (ngl with some of this stuff I get Princess Di flashbacks* (not flashbacks, I was 1 mth old. images moreso) After some of the stuff that’s been said about them and the schemes people set up to tear them apart (ie kobe) it’s a miracle we still have the fortune of following along with their new careers. If you love them you should be grateful for that.

I hate to be so harsh about it, but whoever is making their determinations on the status of TS lifelong bond, history, and FRIENDSHIP based on an Instagram posting schedule, frankly i judge you and that’s really dumb. If you have a different definition of ‘friendship’/ ‘best friends’ then I do, that’s fine but I don’t know why you follow me considering literally everything I write and post celebrates this extraordinary friendship.

I’m not fan of confrontation and hate reading opinions- not that differ to mine, but just seem hypocritical and in human. Yes, what I write is my opinion, but if my opinion was based on something completely, realistically unjustifiable I wouldn't post it because that’s not fare to TS.

Some advise: Don’t get caught up in twisted social media realities- it is no one’s whole real life and should not be used as a barometer for judging anyone on stuff we couldn’t possibly know about.

People’s opinions are their opinions and I don’t consider myself to have any effect in changing opinions, but I want to keep this a positive space that CELEBRATES TS and everything about them. They are extraordinary human beings and we all have a lot to learn from them about how we should treat each other. They are not perfect and of course they have made mistakes like we all do, but were they actually perfect I’m sure there would still be those out there making up flaws on the basis of entertainment. It seams this place will never be truly free of harassment to their partnership and friendship, and that’s really sad. So therefore, this is going to always be a space of celebration and admiration where we live in realty (not social media/reality show/soap opera type reality).

I’m going to leave this post with a few things.

Firstly: this lovely message left on one of my YT videos that I thought was really poignant and showed me that there are others out there who see the enlightening effect TS have on humanity:

Second, some truly heart warming sound bites of TS talking about each other, while they weren't able to be with each other in person. Take this as you like, I’m sure there are some who will twist it into some bullshit story but I take it as I hear it and I hear two people who will eternally love and care about each other, and celebrate what their beautiful, unique friendship has blossomed into:

I do not like making these posts because I respect that everyone is entitled to their opinion, yay for free speech, and I want this blog to be what it is but it just kinda puzzles me when my view is I feel so... what my view is, that anyone thinks I’m gonna come along, back flip and say, ‘yeh you know what is weird that, since I know what TS 24/7 schedule of every day of their lives-coz that’s info I need to know, that they wouldn’t stop by to remind each other that “hey, since we haven’t seen each other in person in 6 months we should really reassess the value and definition of our friendship, since you know, we were so good at finding an exact definition for our incredibly unique and loving partnership we’ve shared for 22 + plus years since we were 6 and 8...” coz that’s what two incredibly successful and talented people need to be doing with their lives” and take the time to inform us all coz they care so much about what we think of them... ‘

Me rn:

Finishing it all off with one of their Hugs coz you’re definitely gonna just choose to stop being best friends with the person you did this with for 10 years..🤨

[shinra-makonoid]

Regarding the current covid events. These talks really piss me of. I used to work as a surgical assistent, then had the opportunity to finally study medicine but cause of covid there was a call to all previous work forces of the medical field to return/ help out. It was voluntarily to do so but still. I hated my work place back then (and I doubt having a higher degree will make me like it more, but I'll have more influence). I saw so many incompetent doctors, nurses who didn't follow the guides or just blindly followed the doctors instructions when it was necessary to consult the patients first and more importantly illegal to do certain "basic procedures" without the patients explicit knowledge. My point is. It was horrible back then but now that I'm back it's even worse.

Like you I think/ and know from experience how many patients could just not be here when they weren't so damn ignorant. BUT and that's a big one. Those idiots always existed before. And I'm not talking about the smoking, druggy kind. People who thought experimental medicine, weird herbal paste would help, women who thought they were pregnant for 2 years, incredibly overweight people with the motto " oh I can just eat more, the doctor can give me a liposuction/ something against the heart problems" or the general "there's pills against that" .

And on the other side you have doctors who precisely count that those fucking idiots do that to themselves. Because it makes money. So many unnecessary "emergency surgeries" that where pushed in between, doctors convincing 80 year old patients to have that surgery when it was high risk for them to die...

I can't stress enough that I am all for free healthcare (because even though I hate the system I'm part of, no one should be denied help even if it was their stupid irresponsible decision).

But also: And maybe the biggest issue for me why I'm sympathizing with anti-vaxxers is the fact that I absolutely understand their distrust. Whether it is towards new medicine, a medicine everyone praises as "all trouble solving" , "all-fixing" surgeries or blind trust in doctors.

At the same time I am angry that so many things could have been easily avoided (not necessarily talking just about vaccines).

There are good doctors and one of the reason I still aspire to finish studying medicine is to be better than half of my "mentors". The other half who were good have a hard time asserting their way over the interests of the hospital.

TL, DR: It's all so frustrating and it's not getting better.

Yeah I understand your points and I agree.

I have a phobia of meds in general. I will always remember that after getting a surgery, I had to spend the night in a hospital, and I hated this, especially because I had no way to control what was given to me at all, but after the surgery I was in pain and I didn't really look at what they would give me for pain relief (pretty sure it was, at worst, a little bit of codeine).

I woke up in the middle of the night with those bags you have that gets into your blood stream, and I freaked out because I didn't know what it was, not one told me before putting it. I looked it up to google to see that it was just basic saline stuff to keep you hydrated and all.

And that's without talking about my time at the psychiatric hospital, where I undeniably think that there's mal practice and poor explanations given to patients regarding what meds they take. For example, people who would take benzodiazepines like candies every night before going to sleep (then would tremble and suffer from side effects when they would stop them), or people instantly put under antidepressants the moment they get into the hospital. Or how I was pushed to take antipsychotics because I would not take antidepressants, which gave me hypothyroidy until I stopped them (and stopping them made me insomniac and my mood was hyper like I was bipolar for a time, it was weird, but this med is supposedly without side effects if you stop them, my ass).

So I absolutely agree and understand the valid points regarding meds and doctors. I know, and you bet that before taking T and before taking meds in general, I look up the notice. I inform myself as much as I can before taking a med, because I don't like them and I will avoid them as much as possible if I can. Which is exactly the reason why vaccines important, they are a way to prevent having to take more meds, and I wish people recognized that.

[snarky-gourmet]

i'm not american but i can tell you where i am it's not just corporate greed increasing prices. there's inflation, sure, but there's also increasing gas prices making transport and etc more pricey, longer wait for various components driving up the demand and so on. the suez canal blockage and problems with shipments from china (and e.g. truck driver shortage in some countries) during covid made everything more expensive too. last time i checked the price of steel was up by 700% compared to pre-covid times. people are still waiting for months to get car parts. the whole supply chain is suffering

oh ik i wasnt originally trying to pin ALL the blame on corperate greed but rather make the point that it is absolute more at fault than it's recieving credit for. That's why i stated at the beginning of those tags that i dont doubt the impact that covid has had, bc like, living thru it, have eyes, etc. but i also do think that in certain areas, covid is now being used as a scapegoat when it may not be the biggest continuous contributing factor in all cases.

it's always worth bringing up that things like gas prices and other resources going up in times of crisis are v much due to a lack of accessible alternatives--with gas prices especially and how oil companies lobby in governments to make sure it stays this way so that they are always making the most money they possibly can at whatever expense. It's corperate greed preventing funding being invested in better things or at least backups. It's also corperate greed responsible for monetising medical care and resulting in more people ultimately suffering from covid. And it's also corperate greed that forced many people either back into unsafe work places or never allowed them to leave.

additionally, very much across the board at basically all major retail companies, the heads of the companies have taken home massive pay increases since the beginning of the pandemic. Like im sorry but if u see a ceo taking home literally Millions more than the previous year, when we r apparently in the grips of an economic crisis, where poverty is going thru the roof, the realistic conclusion is that corperate greed is playing a huge ass role in The Crisis u know? It's not the only contributing factor but I am absolutely willing to not only argue it's making everything worse but also die on that hill.

In areas that there are inarguable labour or product shortages, such as in the building materials industry, or in certain areas of agricultural development, it begs the question of whether or not paying workers fair compensation for their time and effort would make a larger difference in the supply chain and economy. Like if workers could afford healthcare would the death rates in high risk industries be this high? Would more people be willing to work these jobs if they werent going to be worked into an early grave? Would there be more workers available if so many people haven't died as a result of businesses demanding people stay working through a deadly pandemic so their bottom lines weren't affected?

If ceos were taking pay cuts, or even making the same as a non-pandemic year, in order to contribute more to their workers' pay, it would not be unreasonable to conclude that inflation could at least be curbed. But on a very large scale everywhere, that isnt whats happening. like min wage has been stagnating for yrs, and in correllation w the cost of living for the respective area a particular min wage is for, it's basically always a poverty wage at this point. but "everyone" wants to just blame covid and its like is that rly Actually it.

Like thats my main point in saying all this im just kinda Done w "everyone" being all "we gotta open everything back up to save the economy!! Some of u may die but thats a sacrifice i'm willing to make" bc its like. Okay. And then more ppl find themselves in poverty and unable to afford basic needs, or they die, or become disabled, and then get blamed for "not wanting to work". Like now what lmao

And anyone whos Been poor for a while can vouch that its literally just a continuation of the capitalistic status quo of the rich getting richer and the working class getting sacrificed while also getting poorer and literally anything that can be blamed for it all getting blamed, except for those at the top

So yeah it is all traceable back to corperate greed and capitalism in one way or another. actually

[800milesisadrive]

Straight, Cis and Queer AF

The last year or so has been pretty rough for me personally. I've shared a lot on here, mostly just as a means of processing shit.

There's a term in computer science called "Rubber Ducking" that's basically an informal version of the classic Socratic Method. I find it invaluable for collecting my thoughts and focusing, both in work in personal life.

This is one of those posts: I'm writing it for my own benefit. While I welcome conversation, I don't have any expectation for you, random horny person, to sit through all this.

My partner, who picked the lovely pseudonym of Lilith, is non binary and bi. She's an amazingly talented person, and because of her success, she's been engaged in interviews and PR recently.

One issue that keeps coming up is the semantics of gender and sexual identity.

Lilith is female at birth, and has used cis female presentation as a default. She doesn't particularly identify as female, but her gender fluidity means the available pronouns and parlance are all "equally wrong" for her.

In other words, Lilith is "she/her" by default and convenience.

When we first started dating nearly a decade ago, the terms and language for non-binary gender weren't common. Concepts like Mx. and They/Them pronouns were on the fringes of culture, and it's only in the last few years Non-Binary has started showing up in formal settings and style-guides.

My understanding of queer identity these last few years has been through her experience. I've considered myself an ally and (for reasons I'll explain soon) have always been in the more engaged side of queer culture and socialization.

As part of my general anxiety over re-socializing post-COVID, I've been having serious flashbacks and nightmares around my adolescence. Shit was really bad for me. I hated my brain, my body, my sex drive.

I know everyone has a some degree of "puberty sucks", so I've always thought I was unexceptionable. But digging into what made that period in my life so absolutely awful, I think my experience was on the extreme side.

So, time to overshare.

I was a late bloomer, didn't start until 14 and didn't stop having growth spurts until 19. Having a late puberty is associated with more negative experiences for men, though the research is a little contested at the moment.

I was also overweight during my early teens. Borderline obese, which in addition to just compounding horrible body image - is now suspected to be a complicating factor regarding late onset puberty.

So here's the thing I'm struggling to articulate, the reason I'm sharing all this in the first place.

I had... well, there's not a real clinical term for it?

"Orientation Dysmorphia" is the closest shorthand I can think of.

I hated that I had a sex drive. I hated watching my friends go through it before me, being fixated on sex and (mostly) girls while I just was increasingly uncomfortable.

To be clear: while I was uncomfortable in my own skin, I've never hated being male in appearance. It wasn't that I didn't want to be a guy - it was that I didn't want to be a cis-het dude.

Recounting some of this, Lilith asked: If I had been given the option to take puberty blockers back then, would I have taken them?

Yes. Without any hesitation, I would have taken puberty blockers.

Back in the late 90's, the concept of puberty blockers was fringe at best. To 14 year old me, idea of chemically halting the invasive thoughts and urges was something out of science fiction.

I recall laying awake at night, crying - wishing I was dead, so I didn't have to lose any more of my "self". I would self-harm to get out of things like "swing dancing" lessons in gym class. I cut off friendships, isolated and avoided pretty much anyone my age, because they all seemed to be embracing and reinforcing a dynamic that was breaking my soul.

On reflection, almost all my friends around this age were outside of gender and orientation norms. I didn't seek out queer people consciously, but in retrospect almost all my best friends from middle school onward were gay, lesbian, ace, trans or non-binary.

It took a while, but by the time my body settled and I was out of the nightmare of hormones and peer peer pressure that was high school - I'd settled in being a version of who I still think of myself as today.

Cis, male and straight - but with little care about presentation or engagement in the norms of my demographic.

I'm going to still identify as this going forward. It feels like the most-accurate labeling I can apply to myself. That said, I have a bit of an ulterior motive: I want to give visibility on being a cis hetero guy that's non-conforming.

I'm some version of "queer". I don't conform, and I've struggled for years to find my voice and identity.

In figuring out who I am, I've landed back at a version of the one quadrant of gender-orientation that normally is considered "default".

I'm writing this here, semi-anonymously, because I honestly know how important visibility and representation is in today's world. I know "straight dudes" already have massive privilege, and my "passing" gets me out of being directly impacted by a million things, from micro-aggressions to legal/political issues.

But I still have struggled and identified with other's struggles with queer normalization, nearly every day of my life.

Dysmorphia is an old friend of mine, and it takes zero imagination to relate to the trans and nb narratives people have shared over the years.

Pressure to conform to sexual behavior and presentation is something that broke me a hundred times over, nearly killed me.

That's all I needed to share, for now.

If you've somehow made it to the end of this - I'd appreciate hearing whatever perspective you have.

If it feels like I'm appropriating? If my experience is (or isn't) relatable? If you have resources or language I'm missing? Please, please let me know. I'm still grappling with this, still looking for framing and perspective.

Reposting because I somehow accidently deleted the original.

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

So... I was kinda disappointed with Buck Begins... NOT ENTIRELY. Just...

Major spoilers ahead. You should definitely watch the episode before reading my complaints... because I have a lot of them, and you shouldn't have the negative thoughts going into it...

But I'm gonna start with the good stuff.

The Buckley Siblings are everything to me. I love their relationship, and watching Buck grow up with Maddie protecting him? *chef's kiss* Perfection.

Buck being a daredevil because it was the only time that he got positive attention from his parents as a child? Absolutely heartbreaking and I hate his parents for *so much* for that.

Maddie doing whatever she could to help her baby brother, even when she was terrified and probably knew how bad it was going to get? I love her with my whole heart.

And I absolutely love the way they highlighted their relationship and how important Maddie is to Buck.

The moment when the team comes in to help Buck and save him and the other person? Cinematic excellence, I applaud them for that scene. His team loves him and will always have his back, and he *knows* that now.

And now for my grievances and where I think they missed the target...

It focused on Maddie too much for a "Buck Begins" episode. I get that she's a huge part of his life and that she would be in the childhood flashbacks, but even once Buck was out on his own, all we got to see were the postcards (with handwriting that did not look At All like Buck's handwriting, might I add) and the one scene of Buck bartending in Peru where he decided to move to LA and become a firefighter.

We already basically got a Maddie Begins episode, when Doug came back and kidnapped her. I didn't need another one. (I love Maddie and I loved the flashbacks, but... it just should have focused more on Buck. It was his episode, after all.)

We should have gotten to actually *see* what Buck did with his life before he made it to LA. They could have shown Maddie receiving a postcard, then done a montage with a shot of Buck writing one of the postcards. That montage focused more on Maddie than it did on Buck, which kind of frustrated me.

And then in present day? They made such a big deal about the family secret, and it just fizzled out. Like it didn't matter anymore. And I honestly don't see them doing much more with it, unless (God forbid) in a later season the Madney baby gets leukemia or something and Buck is a perfect match to save his niece. (Actually I could see them doing that and I would definitely cry. That would maybe give them a pass with this plot thread.)

Then with the factory fire? Idk, it didn't feel intense enough for me. NOT that I wanted Buck to horribly suffer more, but... Eddie being buried alive in his episode was So Much More Intense. Chimney's episode happened while he was literally bleeding nearly to death. I was hoping for more.

And maybe it has something to do with the lack of reaction from the entire team when the building exploded. Not only did we not see Eddie panic, even briefly, about Buck being trapped, we didn't see Bobby or Chimney of Hen panic either! Bobby sees Buck as a son, this is basically canon now. And Chimney and Hen see him as their little brother.

The exploding ladder truck and the tsunami both felt way more intense for Buck than the factory fire in this episode.

And then to top it off, NOBODY GAVE BUCK A HUG AFTER THR FACTORY FIRE! And Eddie and Chimney weren't even there by the ambulance! Like, what the fuck? Yes, Bobby, Athena, and Hen told him what he needed to hear, but they all should have been there! Supporting him! Where were they???

Also, they missed the perfect opportunity to casually make Buck canonically bisexual. Instead of meeting a girl who taught him how to surf, he could have met a guy. Then things didn't work out, just like they didn't with the girl.

UGH, these writers! They're either *really* amazing or *really* miss the important stuff... there was so much potential, and they just wasted it!

Anyway, enough of my ranting. I did enjoy the episode, but it was definitely not the best Begins episode in my opinion.

What are your thoughts? I clearly have too many.

-Quarantine Anon

So I just finished watching. Spoilers beneath the cut

So here’s what I knew going into this- everyone was going wild with theories and ideas and great fics of what was going to play out. Which is great. But I do think it got hyped up because of that.

The flashbacks to the Buckley childhood hurt so much. Margaret seemed to take it out on Evan so much because in her eyes- he failed her by not saving Daniel. BEGONE, Margaret! You can’t put that on your child if your own plan was to use the child to save a sibling and then deem him not deserving of love because of nature and genetics. But Maddie and Buck? I love a pair of siblings while being in agony over the hells they’ve walked through.

The use of ‘So Far’ and the team helping him? Poetic cinema. I felt so many emotions and had a bit of a cry.

I actually liked the postcards. I think if they had gone to film all of what he did, it would have gotten jammed packed. The bartender was stated in canon, so that felt worthy of a flashback (and oh wow, that was not the revelation I needed that I try to know cool things to impress cute people. Buck is not straight, I don’t care what anyone says). Plus, with Covid-19, I bet there would be some filming issues. Also, it felt the ups and downs in Buck’s postcards paralleled Maddie’s injuries from Doug. They were both lost thinking they were living, except they weren’t. It was all about survival. And the worst part is that sometimes, you will lull yourself into a sense that survival=living when that’s not the case. That’s what happened to the Buckleys I think.

We don’t know what’s to come, but the family secret might come up again in therapy. Which they better freaking continue and not drop like the Flash did.

On the factory fire- I think we hyped it up more than we expected. Eddie Begins and Chimney Begins were really serious episodes with their lives on the line. And I think about Buck talking about giving up after he gets out. He wasn’t going into this fire with a clear head. I think he saw himself as the replacement baby still who couldn’t ever live up, who couldn’t do things right. He wouldn’t leave despite ordered because that was showing Saleh he didn’t matter. To Buck, he did. He gets being left behind and in those situations, you’d rather someone else be happier and fine while you take the impact. Like the world would keep turning and everyone would be fine (eventually) after you left it.

The ladder truck and tsunami were physical pain. The factory fire was emotional pain. (which reminds me, I need to make a post about the element symbolism in Begins episodes)

If we didn’t see a hug in the episode, then we write the fic for it. Missing scenes can be created ;) Not to mention they’ve all still got work to get done on the scene. After events like that, I think everyone needed time to process it.

I get bisexual vibes off Buck big time in this episode. And I think there is repression and closeting that comes into play here. Your parents are constantly disappointed in you, so why disappoint them further? Bury it down deep and deeper who you really are. It was the attention-seeking that would work out for him. Also, bisexuality is more than one. You identify as bi and your partner uses she/her? Bi. Partner uses he/his? BI. Partner uses them/they? Still bi. (Also, how much do we know about the postcards he wrote. Maybe he didn’t give her the full story. There’s only so much room in a postcard and she was the one person in the world who still believed in him. Was he afraid to disappoint her?)

Overall, I did enjoy the episode. Eddie Begins always holds a special place in my heart as the first ever episode of 911 I saw enough of to get me interested in the show. The thing is that I can’t pit the Begins episodes against each other. They all show a journey in some way. 

Hopefully this was coherant enough and I’m sorry for my little bisexual rant.

[lovingthereign25]

The Chase

Part 10

You and Roman were sitting on your back porch watching the girls play in the yard. 

Briana was playing with her favorite dolls having a "picnic",while Aaliyah was riding her bike she was ready for her training wheels to come off but patiently waited for her dad to come home so they could do it together.

"Daddy, can we take my training wheels off now please?" She asked.

"Of course my sweet girl, you sure you're ready?" He asks following his daughter to her bike. You watch as Roman talks Aaliyah through taking the training wheels off, explaining that now she has to balance herself out on the bike. You absolutely loved seeing Roman interact with his children, one thing no one could take away from him was the fact that he was an amazing father.

*SummerSlam 2018*

Roman vs Brock was happening again. Were you scared? Yes but you were more so pissed that your husband broke his promise again. Granted the Greatest Royal Rumble wasn't his doing but this one was . 

"Baby, come on talk to me, wish me good luck, give me my kiss and let's do our before match ritual" he smiled.

"Good Luck, Hopefully I'll have a husband to go home to after this" you say 

" Well thanks for the confidence babe, I love you. Today. Tomorrow. Forever." He says kissing your wedding rings

" Love you" you say, pecking his lips before walking to the back where you were sitting with Trinity, Lana, and Renee.

Not only did Roman have to worry about beating Brock but he also had to worry about Braun Stroman cashing in on him if he did in fact win.

Roman was on fire at the start of the match. Superman punch after Superman punch. Spear after spear until Brock caught him in his submission move locked it on just waiting for Roman to tap out. But Roman powered out of it twice. As the match continued you grew move nervous especially when Brock took his gloves off again, but then it happened after Brock took Braun he returned to the ring with a chair only to be speared by Roman. 

1..2..3….."and here is your winner and NEW universal champion...Roman Reigns!"

He did it. Just like he said he would. You  ran out to the ring meeting your husband there he was holding his title. He engulfed you in a hug .

"I love you" you say "Congratulations" 

"Thank you baby, this is for you and the kids. Everything I do is for my family" he smiles 

"Our family" you correct him

"Our family he smiles kissing you

You were standing in the huge picture window of your hotel room enjoying the beautiful view of New York.

"Almost as beautiful as you" you hear from behind you turning to see your husband in only his towel, having just got out of the shower.

"Thank you Champ….now whatta say you lose that towel and let me congratulate you the right way?" You smirk walking over to him.

"Come take it off me" he smirked

You undo his towel tossing it next to you, looking down at his growing length your mouth began to water.

"See anything you like sweetheart?" He laughs

"I do….this guy right here" you smile taking him in your hand pumping him.

"Ahhhh, shit Y/n…. Damn baby" he moans throwing his head back

“Wanna show you how proud of you I am, how much I love you. Would you like that baby?” You ask.

"Please" he begs

 You start pumping him faster as you kiss down his neck to his chest, Roman's moans filling your hotel room.

"Jesus, l need to be inside you baby" Roman says

"You wanna be inside me baby? Wanna fill me up nice and full like you always do?" You ask removing your hands off him..walking him to the bed. You push him back on the bed and climb above him straddling his waist.

"You have no idea how sexy you are when you're like this." You can feel his length grazing your centre.

"Oh yeah, well you're gonna love this " you smirk.

You open your robe revealing your see through the lingerie piece underneath. Tossing the robe aside you align yourself with Roman. Letting yourself sink down onto him. Feeling him fill you completely as he always did. You let out a soft moan as you always did each and every time Roman fully entered you 

"6 years together and you still  make that by sexy little moan like you did the first time" he says proudly

" So big Daddy, I love being full of you" you say getting a steady pace

A murmured ‘fuck’ leaves his mouth when he feel how tight you feel around him, filthy sounds filling the room as you go faster and faster riding Roman like no tomorrow.

"Mmmm baby just like that... look at how good you look when you're on top"  he moans his hands coming up to cup your breasts.

"Damn Daddy.. so deep…. I'm so close " you whipper feeling your orgasm building

"I know babygirl me too" he grunts, squeezing your ass as he lifts his hip to meet your thrusts, having him hit your spot just right to send you over the edge.

"Fucking Christ Ro.. that's it" you moan 

"Y/n… shit baby I'm gonna burst" he moans his thrusting getting sloppy

'' Me too…..cum daddy cum for me"  you moan releasing your juices all over him

As you ride out your high you feel Roman's climax hit him, him grabbing into your wait squeezing your hips as he did.

 "Fuck that was incredible baby" he says coming down from his high

"Glad you enjoyed it big guy…. Congratulations again'' you smile kissing him 

You lay side by side cuddled up to Roman catching your breath

"I love you baby" he whispers

'' I love you…. forever' you smile looking up at him.

*Present Day* 

You patiently waited for your husband to come up from the gym, he spent this entire quarantine working out and eating healthy. You were very proud of him. 

He had taken some time off due to the whole Covid-19 thing, being that you had small children to worry about , his health and the fact that you two were trying to have another baby….but after a few negative ampts you decided to stop trying for a while. So when the idea came of him returning at SummerSlam he jumped at it, but under one condition, he wanted to have a heel turn and Vince had and even better idea make Roman a "Paul Heyman Guy'' you which you weren't too thrilled about nothing against Paul you loved him as a person but you didn't want Roman to be anything like Brock Lesnar was. You hear Roman coming up the stairs  breaking you from your thoughts.

"Hey, Good morning... didn't hear you up here. How'd you sleep?" He asks, wrapping his arms around you.

"Slept great. Who wouldn't after a night like we had " you smirk

"Well...we can pick up where we left off if you want..the girls are out to breakfast with Trin and Jon." He grins

" As tempting as that sounds...we need to talk' you say patting his chest

"Are you breaking up with me?" He jokes making you both laugh

" No that you mention it, and I was thinking about it but something changed my mind'' you play along

' oh and that was?" He asks

"I'm pregnant' you say, showing him the test you had just taken.

Before Roman could say anything Trin and the kids busy through the door yelling with excitement about breakfast. You quickly take the test sliding it into the pocket of your robe. Leaving Roman in the kitchen speechless.

Your lingerie:

[weabooweedwitch]

Like for real I was out of work for like a month because of COVID, and when I was cleared to go back my supervisor was like no, you don’t have a job, you quit.

And They knew why I wasn’t there, I had called from the hospital and they insisted that it was okay.

But because I was working there for less than a year, they said I hadn’t earned the privilege of job security. Fuck Walmart, man.

Oh my god, thats horrible, I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you :( especially when things have been getting so tight. That's absolute despicable of them; you literally had a diagnosed and dangerous disease! I almost feel like you could try and sue them for that with all the different kinds of covid reliefs going on right now. Seriously, to accuse you of quitting when you were out with such a serious illness... that's a corporation for you. Ugh. Makes me wanna punch someone. I hope youre doing well now and hopefully you aren't having any lasting symptoms :(

My GM eventually called back and was like "ok since you weren't gone 30 days your password should actually still work" so its still ok but like, wow, he gave me a scare there. I was getting really pissed off because it almost sounded like it would have been HIS fault? Unless the system just automatically deactivates after a certain amount of time and there's no really preventing it. I guess that's to make sure people who were fired don't sneak back in but in my case I was out on medical leave 💀💀💀 my mom's current work that she's leaving for her new job soon really fucked her around too, kept coming back saying they needed different paperwork for such and such and it artificially delayed the amount of time my mom was not working because they drew out the process of "clearing her to come back", but thank god we got approved for this rental assistance AND her new job because we should be secure for a while even with all these bumps 😭

Im alsohonestly just bummed to be going back to work. Today when I spoke to her, my therapist actually encouraged me to cut a day or two or three out of my work schedule because even though I'm only part time my typical schedule is working 6 days a week and that's hella stressful. Every time I get any free time I get this panic mode of "oh god gotta relax and have fun before I GO BACK TO WORK TOMORROW :')" and it gets me so tense i can't relax at all. Its stifling my ptoductivity with the things i wanna do 💀 also my therapist is wondering if I'm having manic episodes or just emotional regulation issues or both. I'm just a stressed out mystery but, gotta get back to work on Monday lmao.