#if it wasn't obvious I LOVED this es

[esteemed-excellency]

[vivgst]

She hates monotony and loves the new challenge she finds in you, so she won't rest until she gets her way, as always (Part two).

Part one: https://www.tumblr.com/vivgst/738748127248531456/she-hates-monotony-and-loves-the-new-challenge-she

There's gonna be a part three btw (maybe more).

The way you had played with her made her see red although that really hadn't been your intention, because you weren't even interested in her, which for some reason only made her angrier, and she inevitably wanted to make you feel more, it was unfair that you went on with your life as if nothing had happened while she was being consumed by the memories of that night.

So she would see you again, she sent her men to pick you up, calling you was out of question, she would not lose her pride, she would rather lose a hand.

You arrived, wearing a black lace dress, a little more revealing than your previous outfit but you still looked just as spectacular, her men were enthralled, almost drooling all over the place but none of them were stupid enough to even dare to give you a lustful look.

One of them showed you where to go and you followed his order, going up the stairs and walking down the hallway while you judged the mansion and the little you had seen of it. It was a big and incredible place, however you could tell from miles away that it was nothing more than a place of decoration, it lacked warmth.

You were brought out of your thoughts when you reached the door to the room and entered, looking around. She was sitting at a desk and her gaze drifted from her papers to you, she frowned.

“You look worse for wear.” She said with an accusatory tone, it sounded like she was questioning you; you gave her a blank look and shrugged.

“If I disgust you then I can leave and someone else from the club will come.” You said bluntly and she looked at her papers again and when she looked up you didn't like what her eyes had.

The tinge of compassion in her eyes was barely perceptible but you hated it, you weren't there to be comforted or seen with pity, you couldn't feel that way with any client, you couldn't feel. Period.

“I didn't say you disgusted me.” She said and stood up from her chair, approaching you slowly and looking at your face. You only had a small cut on your eyebrow, your neck was the most bruised, full of scratches and red. "¿Quién chingados te hizo esto?" She demanded in a stern tone, you looked into her eyes and debated whether to tell her or not, but she would know anyway.

"Un cliente. Estoy acostumbrada". You said and she looked at you as if you had two heads, she was angry, enraged and it was obvious.

“How the hell do you allow people to treat you like that, chula?” You wanted to speak, but she wouldn't let you. “Dime el nombre de ese hijo de su puta madre.”

"No".

“I'm not asking.” She warned, however you shook your head again, unfazed by her growing anger.

“I won't tell you, it's my problem. I don't want you to interfere in my business, you're still just a client." She scoffed, looking at you in disbelief at your audacity, who the fuck did you think you were to say no to her?

“Don't think that-” You didn't let her finish speaking, you didn't want this, you didn't want another jealous client, you didn't want any more drama.

You also didn't want to feel vulnerable in her gaze or comforted by her anger at what he had done to you.

“I came to have sex, to be used, not to have this conversation.” You said coldly, she clenched her jaw, how could you even talk about yourself that way? She hated hearing you talk that way and act like that beating you got wasn't that big of a deal.

However, she was clearly overstepping your limits and she knew you would tell her to go to hell if you wanted to, you weren't afraid of her.

That was making her angrier, it was no longer fun.

“This time you're not going to do whatever the hell you want, we don't need to remember that I'm the one paying, right?”

If she couldn't get the information she wanted from your own mouth, then she would get on your nerves some other way.

She slid your dress off your body delicately, as if you were made of glass, her fingers brushing against your skin that was incredibly cold. Her hands were warm and ran over your body as if it was easy, as if they knew the route by heart, which again, made you feel vulnerable in her presence.

As your dress fell to the floor, she gently leaned you against the wall, her hands moving over your breasts, grazing the sensitive skin of them. Your gaze was on the floor, you were melting in her hands, but your pride wouldn't let you give in, it never did.

“We can skip the romance and-” Her hand wrapped around your mouth and she gave you a grin as she shook her head, she wasn’t going to let you ruin it, she was going to take what she wanted from you.

"I don't want to". She spoke in a hoarse voice, her hands moving down your entire torso until they got between your legs, torturing you, teasing you.

And suddenly she dropped to her knees, lifting your leg onto her shoulder before burying her face between your thighs. You stifled a gasp and pressed yourself further against the wall when you felt her tongue slide gently through your wet folds, your legs weakened with every movement she made on you and even though you bit your lip to not make any noise it was impossible for you not to grab a fistful of her hair, which made her smirk against your skin.

Nothing was on your mind anymore, you were focused on the feeling of heat that swirled in your belly and how she began to lightly suck on your swollen bud which, inevitably, made you moan.

Well, there was no point in playing hard to get when she was feeling how wet you were, right? So fuck it.

You relaxed noticeably, your body began to give in to the pleasure she was giving you and you wanted more, your hips rocked against her lips and you were loving the feeling of her tongue on your wet cunt.

But you needed more.

So you pulled her towards you, making her stand up to crash your lips against hers, kissing her with a hunger you didn't know you felt for her. Valeria immediately kissed you back, her hands wrapping around your waist to press her body against yours and guided you as best as she could to the bed, making you lie down. She quickly got rid of her clothes and you let her adjust you on the bed until one of your legs was over one of her legs and her other leg was over your opposite one.

Just the light brush of your flesh against hers made you hiss, she gave you a smug smile, she was loving how horny and needy you were.

Soon she began to move her hips softly, slowly, which left you even more breathless and you caught your lower lip between your teeth, you tried to move your hips in an attempt to keep up with the rhythm but she kept you in place.

“But you wanted to save yourself the romance, right?” She asked mockingly and you glared at her.

“Fuck you.” You breathed out and she let out a laugh that ended in a hoarse groan, this was just what Valeria had been imagining for days, having you underneath her writhing and moaning.

Valeria began to move faster, her hips rocking more erratically, less precisely, and you found yourself close to your climax, your thighs tightening as she kept pressing and grinding her lower lips into yours.

And she looked down at you, oh… the way she looked at you while letting out light gasps was enough to make you come, Valeria’s orgasm meeting yours at the sight of your body and you losing yourself.

The two of you stayed there, lying in bed, Valeria's arm casually around your waist and you were falling asleep when you felt her move, she was going to leave, you didn't know where or why but you didn't want her to and you clung to her.

You wanted to say, “stay with me, I don't want to be alone” but you had already given in too much and you felt ashamed. She got the message though and you felt her body relax once again causing you to fall into a deep sleep.

But morning came and with it the realization of what had happened. You had sex, not like the sex you’d have with a client, it was passionate you even came, you enjoyed it.

You wanted to hit yourself, what the hell was that? You couldn't collect your dignity because you had thrown it all away yesterday, what you did do was get out of bed as slowly as you could, you picked up your clothes and dressed stealthily.

You couldn't do this again, you couldn't see her again, so you left without waking her and vowing never to see her again.

[good-beans]

Coping with round 7 by picturing normal au Milgram characters as Alien Stage fans. Not all of them are super into it, but have heard about it from the ones that are big fans. It's very fun to picture scenes of them discussing and getting emotional about a youtube based gradual release music video story project, 10/10 would recommend

Haruka*: Big fan of Sua, even though she makes him so sad. He's obsessed with Sweet Dream, and listens to that and My Clematis all the time.

Yuno: A tie between Ivan and Luka as her favorite character. Probably the one to get the most into the worldbuilding, knowing the minor characters and aliens' names.

Fuuta**: Is genuinely a big Till fan, but pretends he's an even bigger Till fan out of fear people will discover his huge crush on Hyuna. He went crazy over both versions of All-In.

Muu*: Likes Luka but is too afraid to sound like a fan of the antagonist, so she mostly focuses on her love of Mizi. Both because of the characters and the song itself, she really enjoys Ruler of My Heart.

Shidou: A fan of Mizi for obvious reasons, but really enjoys the melancholy of Black Sorrow and Cure

Mahiru*: Mizi all the way. She's going through it in a series about doomed romance, but she still loves it. Enjoys Mizi x Till, Hyuna x Luka, and any rarepair that passes her by.

Kazui: Yeah... Ivan... I don't think he'd be huge into the series, but if he did get deeper, I think he'd be really intrigued by Luka. Likes Black Sorrow, wasn't as into Cure as he expected.

Amane**: Has mixed feelings about the religion/love thing going on, but really likes Mizi and her songs. Really enjoys the cover songs and hearing characters sing things differently.

Mikoto: Genuinely likes the cast evenly, but if he had to pick he'd pick Till because he really enjoys the faster songs like Unknown and Blink Gone.

Kotoko: Recognizes that she's a lot like Hyuna, but Till's wildness makes him her favorite. She saw Till's death coming so she's more thrilled with Blink Gone than upset with the story

Es: Really loves Hyuna. They love the familial story with her brother and also think she's a cool character. Ivan is a close second specifically because they love his voice.

*has gotten choked up/teared up at an mv release

**has gotten choked up/teared up at an mv release and viciously denies it

[panlight]

how i did you vote in the in-law polls? you gotta tell us. oh and anon pls.

I said Bella was the daughter-in-law because I don't believe that she sees Esme and Carlisle as her parents like, at all. At least not yet. Might be a different story in 100 years, but to me it's obvious Edward is their son and she's the daughter-in-law. Family, yes. But she wasn't "adopted" in the same way the others were, she married in. She's the only one who did that. Even, say, Esme marrying Carlisle and Emmett marrying Rosalie, they joined the family as vampires first and 'married in' second. Bella did it the other way around. Again, in 100 years when Charlie and Renee are long dead and she's been a vampire longer than she's been human, dynamics may change.

The others are less obvious. I asked the question in the spirt of "if you had to pick" because we don't want the couples to be the children of the same people (. . . or do we? hence the weirdest/squickiest option), and in THAT frame I guess Rosalie and Alice are the daughters and Emmett and Jasper are the in-laws, BUT, as addressed in my post the other day, I don't really see them as direct 1-to-1 parent-child relationships, they're vampires, it's different and we're using these human terms because that's what we have. They are family, yes, 100%. Do I think Jasper thinks of Esme and Carlisle as his parents? Not . . . really? But absolutely family. Again, I think it's complicated and nuanced and the exact relationships and how closely they resemble parent/child are all different. I think the relationship between C/Es and Edward is the most similar to a human parent/child relationship and the one between them and Jasper is the least. But it's based on personalities and needs and backstory and not like, 'they don't love Jasper' or whatever.

I also tend to think even if they did think of any of the 'kids' as in-laws it would be in that sense of "but we love them like one of our own!" Bella is 'already part of the family' and 'a daughter to me' and all that.

But in the spirit of the question(s), if I had to pick: Edward, Rosalie and Alice are the "kids" and the others are the in-laws. But Other. But don't totally buy the family stuff (at least not in a literal sense). But Nuance. Oh and Emmett is that in-law at the family reunion everyone seems to like better than the actual relative.

[barleyo]

Hii, if you’re still in the fandom can you write dadMiguel o hara x daughterfemreader incest and maybe a piss kink🤭

Secret Shame.

Real Dad! Miguel X F! Reader (smut)

A/N: Sorry this is so short!! I wanted to get it out on Father's Day for obvious reasons haha!! I'm super into piss, so I just did what I personally enjoy, so I hope you like it :3

Tags: incest (daddy-daughter), legal age gap (18-late 40s), piss kink, piss drinking, watersports, oral (m receiving), poorly translated Spanish

Wordcount: 1k

It was natural to be curious, it was what your dad loved most about you! 

You had never seen a piss kink in action, so the random porn site you scrolled through having that video on their homepage was like dangling a carrot in front of a hungry mule. 

You thought it would gross you out and you would end up clicking off of the video. You thought it would just be another case of you giving into morbid curiosity, only to be disgusted.

It wasn't, though. It was strange at first. You felt like a weirdo for watching it. Piss. Gross, right? Wasn't natural. It was supposed to be nasty and taboo. Getting peed on was supposed to be something humiliating and icky, drinking it was supposed to be worse, but the farther you got into the video, the more you opened up to the idea.

Fuck. You needed to touch yourself so bad. You had to give in. Dad would probably still be at work, so if you just ran to get the batteries for your vibrator real quick then— then maybe you could get off and forget about it. Just wipe the shame out of your mind.

You went to grab the batteries out of the kitchen drawers and ran back upstairs as fast as you could. The slick in your panties was starting to get uncomfortable.

When you got back to your room, you unfortunately saw you dad sitting on the edge of your bed, your laptop pierced on his lap. The sounds of the video played loudly, full volume.  

The look he gave you when he finally looked up was enough to make you want to keel over and die. You let the batteries slip out of your hand and hit the floor.

"¿Qué estás viendo? Eso es asqueroso, cariño." 

"Dad, it's not what it looks like," you said, trying to take the laptop back from him. His hands were firmly holding onto it. "Please, turn it off. Don't look."

"You like this dirty stuff now, huh? I didn't raise you to be a nasty girl, mija." Miguel's voice was stern, but something was laced under his tone, something that screamed horniness.

He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look down at your computer screen. He tried to stop himself from biting his lip. He was getting way too excited by the embarrassment on your face.

"Don't get shy now. You had no problem watching it alone, now you wanna act like you're ashamed?"

You tried to shake your head out of his hand's grasp. You kept your eyes averted from the screen, knowing your tears would spill over if you had to face your shame head on.

"Bien, puedes hacerte el tímido." He let go of your chin, instead pushing you down to your knees. "You aren't fooling me. You are not embarrassed, you want to act innocent since you got caught. Am I right?" 

He shut the lid of your laptop. The silence of the room put a lot of pressure on your shoulders.

"No, no, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see!" You leaned your head on his lap, letting your tears prick onto his slacks. "Promise, daddy. Swear, 'm just curious." 

Miguel let out a sigh, unbuckling his belt. "Yeah? Okay, why don't you try the real thing then? See if you like it any."

He let his cock spring free from his boxers. The little dribbles of pre from his tip made you feel a little better, or rather, it replaced the shame with the familiar tingle you felt before you were interrupted by him earlier. 

You got to work immediately, wrapping your swollen lips around him. Sinking down on his length, you let him hit the back of your throat with little resistance. 

He pulled out just before you started to gag. Smearing the head of his cock on your cheek, he let out a groan.

"So pretty for such a nasty girl. Not fair that bad girls look so good," he joked, eyes crinkling while he watched you try to edge his dick back into your mouth. 

He gave in briefly, tapping it on your desperate tongue a few times. You tried to lick a stripe over it, but he kept moving it back before you could.  

"Why are you moving? Why won't you let me touch you?" 

Your dad felt the slightest bit of amusement at your whining. No matter how mean he liked to act, or how much he liked to embarrass you, he liked giving you what you wanted more.

"Hey, stop that. Hold still for me, okay? Gonna try what that flick you were watching did."

You mewled softly, face heating up again at him bringing up the porno. 

His lazily stroked himself for a moment, pushing himself off of the bed to stand. His hand pulled your head back to look up at him, fingers latching into your hair. 

"Close your eyes, cariño."

A grunt left his mouth and a hot stream followed. It felt weird for a second, but once his piss hit your face you tried to catch it in your mouth. 

He soaked your face, watching closely while you kept your mouth wide open, aimlessly angling it to get whatever you could into it. 

When he finished, he shook the last few beads off of his tip and used his thumb to wipe your eyes off for you.

"C'mon, look at me now."

You did, his warm piss still in your mouth. You didn't know whether or not to swallow it, so you kept still, letting the taste simmer in your mouth. 

"You look like you're enjoying yourself, mija." He saw you nod your head. "You wanna swallow it? Let me see you drink it down." He leaned down to your face level, wiping stray drops from your cheek.

You let the saltiness of it but the back of your throat, leaning your head back to gargle it before swallowing it all. 

"Oh, aren't you dirty?" His hand held your face, letting you muzzle into it, piss soaked and all. "The slut in the video didn't do all that." 

You cracked a sheepish smile, fluttering your wet lashes open to look at your dad again. "Maybe we should watch another one then?"

Taglist: @twinkfinder62

(ask to join my taglist :3)

[destinyc1020]

Im kind of new here ☺️ would you mind explaining me why Nadia was salty over Z ?? What did Nadia do??

Hey Anon! 👋🏾

Welcome to my blog! 😁

I'm not in Nadia's head of course, so idk for sure, but as an outsider looking in, many fans and I got the impression that Nadia was probably jealous of Zendaya.

A woman knows when her bf is not in love with her, and when he is still in love with his ex. We as women just have a good sixth sense about these things.

I think too that maybe Tom was still mentioning Z (I mean, how can he not? They work together, and experienced so much together) and maybe Nadia didn't like the fact that he and Z weren't just completely unlinked and were still somewhat friends. I think N knew deep down that she couldn't hold a candle to Z. #REALTALK

Plus, when you're in a relationship with someone, you USUALLY talk about your previous relationships with your ex(es). Who knows what Tom may have said about Zendaya and their relationship to Nadia? I doubt he said anything bad, but maybe she could tell by the way he spoke about Z and the relationship that he wasn't totally over it? 🤷🏾‍♀️

She didn't do anything egregious.... we as fans just noticed that she would unfollow any types of accounts that she followed that would post about Z.

It was obvious that Z was a sore spot lol 😆. And who knows? Maybe she was just tired of fans and shippers comparing her to Z?

[maochira]

Dein größter Fehler. (ex boyfriend!Michael Kaiser) [Part 1]

Your biggest mistake.

Synopsis: Surprisingly, it wasn't Kaiser who was your biggest mistake. You were his. At least that's what he says.

"Es war schön mit uns zwei'n, und das weiß ich safe [...] Es war schön mit uns zwei'n das ist alles was zählt - doch ich war dein größter Fehler." / "It was nice with the two of us, I know that for sure [...] It was nice with the two of us, that's all that counts - but I was your biggest mistake." - Dein größter Fehler [zero/zero]

Tags: gn!reader, ex boyfriend!Michael Kaiser, toxic relationship

It's been over half a year since you and Kaiser broke up. You broke up. But every time Kaiser talks about you, he pretends to be the one who broke up and presents you as the 'awful ex he should have never dated' and that you were 'his biggest mistake.'

But he's not wrong. You absolutely were.

Oh, what a mistake it was for Kaiser to date you. What a mistake it was to fall for you in the first place. You, someone who wouldn't let him step on you all the time and forced him to see you as an equal rather than someone below him - because that's how it's supposed to be in a relationship.

Did that ever get into Kaiser's head? No.

He was never obvious with it, but rather passive-aggressive. It was barely noticeable during the honeymoon phase, but as soon as that was over, you soon noticed how your (at that time) boyfriend didn't truly see you as an equal. And that's something you didn't want in this relationship. You never let him talk you down and you never accepted ot if he even hinted at seeing you below himself.

But Kaiser always hated it. It hurt his pride and ego.

Kaiser always acts as if your entire relationship was awful. He loves to pretend you were constantly starting fights with him but made him stay in the relationship. But is that how it really went? No, not at all.

In fact, the first months went surprisingly well, considering Kaiser didn't quite see you as an equal to himself at any point in the relationship. It was about half a year into the relationship when things started getting a little rough, but even with issues between you and Kaiser, you were a happy couple. And one year into the relationship, more and more fights happened until the negatives outweighed the positives. After that it was only a matter of time until the breakup.

And throughout all of that, you were way too good for him. You treated him so much better than he deserved - because you loved him. Even through all of Kaiser's irrational thoughts and the way he talked you down, not once did you freak out on him like you should have. You were the one trying to fix things and to make everything right over and over.

Until you realized there's just nothing to fix because Kaiser would never change his mind and never see you on the same level as himself.

And that was when you realized the end could be the only answer.

You ended the relationship and moved on surprisingly quickly. Even though you still loved him for a few weeks after you broke up, knowing how Kaiser only ever saw you below him made processing the breakup so much easier. You just didn't miss him at all.

But Kaiser? It still doesn't seem line he moved on. He's still talking about you and even spreading lies about things that have never happened.

You could care less about the way your ex-boyfriend talks about you, if he didn't use it to turn your friends and other people against you. After all these months, he's still doing it. Maybe because deep inside, he knows he's wrong and you were way too good for him anyways, but he feels the need to convince people otherwise.

Nie genug für dich. [Part 2]

Tagslist (sign-up link): @starhrtz @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @yerinsshi @luvcalico @remy-roll @thedaisy78 @truegoist @rienniey @kalinkavx @vanitasbrainrot @rrueyuo @weichspuelertrinker @acacIa

[kmhappybunny240]

The French Nurse

Chapter 3

Tommy finally went home close to midnight after crying in Polly arms. It felt like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He thought seriously about what Polly said and decided to start with a letter. He didn't think he would send it but if writing down years worth of pain, anger, and heart break would help then he would do it. It might even stop the dreams.

When he entered the house most of the lights were off. Only a few dim lights lit the hallways so he could see. Tommy decided to sleep downstairs on the other side of the house in a small guest room. It was more for the servants but he didn't care. He just wanted to be left alone and didn't want to talk to Grace till the morning. He stripped down to his boxers and undershirt and got under the covers. Tommy just laid their trying to turn off his brain. All he wanted was sleep. As he was drifting off he could hear the floor creek and faint humming. Tommy froze and kept his eyes closed. It could be Grace but she didn't know that song. Only one person knew that song.

He felt the bed dip on the left side and a warm hand touch his.

"Mon amour pourquoi es-tu si tendu? "

(My love why are you so tense)

He felt her hand caressed his face. Her thumb rubbed his bottom lip. It felt wonderful. He hasn't had this experience since he stopped smoking opium . He missed this so much. He never wanted it to end. Tommy opened his eyes and there she was illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window. She was beautiful. Her long hair was down to the middle of her back. He had always loved it that way. She had a white silk night gown on that accentuated her breasts. She just smiled at him. There was worry in those brown eyes of hers. She knew something wasn't right with him.

"Its been so long since you've conjured me up. Why now?"

It was an obvious question with an obvious answer but he couldn't speak. He just stared at her.

" If you want me Tom then come and get me. You know where I am. Nothing can stop you. Thomas Shelby can take whatever he wants. "

"I didn't get you." was all Tommy could say.

"S’il vous plaît mon amour venez me trouver, j’ai besoin de vous tout autant que vous avez besoin de moi"

(Please my love come and find me. I need you just as much as you need me)

Olivia leaned in and gave Tommy a passionate kiss. Tommy leaned back so he could breath. She had the biggest smile on her face. He just held her.

"Go to sleep my love. "

Tommy just held her and fell asleep. It was so relaxing. He dreamt of Olivia and him in an old cottage on the country side. Sitting in front of a fire with a few kids running around the room. This was the life he wanted. This was the woman he really wanted. When Tommy woke the sun was up . He slept all through the night, which was a first in a very long time. No nightmares no night sweats. He actually felt refreshed. He got out of bed and dressed himself. He didn't want to see Grace right now but he had to shower and get clean clothes. He went to their bedroom and slowly opened their door. Thankfully it was just the maid in the room changing the sheets.

"Good morning Mr. Shelby. Ms Burgess just went down for breakfast."

That's good. Tommy could ignore her for just a little while longer.

"Thank you May. Please bring some breakfast to my office. I will be in there in about thirty minutes."

" yes Mr.Shelby. "

Tommy got into the steaming shower and washed the previous night away. Olivia was so real. He could feel her smooth soft skin. He could smell the faint lavender she always smelled like. Her lips were the same as he remembered. He held her while he fell asleep and the dream was so real too. That was the life he wanted. Those thoughts were very dangerous for Tommy. He had Grace and was going to build a very long life with but Olivia was also right. He could have what ever he wanted. He felt that urge to call Peter and ask for Olivia number. He felt like she needed him even after all these years. Tommy got out of the shower and dried off. He went to the sink and prepared to shave. He looked at himself in the mirror.

"Get it together you fool. She is in France and doesn't need you. She wasn't real . Stop this and move on." Tommy told himself. If he had to look into the mirror every morning and tell himself that than he would. He has to move on with Grace. If he didn't then all of this would be a waste of time. He didn't want to admit that Polly was still right about Grace. He put so much on the line for her, he didn't want to fail. Tommy made his way to his office and locked the door. He didn't care how long it took he was going to write that letter .

"Tu es sûr e de vouloir me laisser partir ?"

(You're sure you want to let me go)

Tommy looked up and saw Olivia. She looked just like she did in the picture Peter took. Simply beautiful .

" I have no choice. I have to let you go. I'm starting to lose my mind. It hurts to much to think or see you. "

"tu as toujours le choix il suffit de suivre votre coeur."

(You always have a choice just follow your heart.)

Tommy just ignored her and wrote . He wrote till sundown. His hand hurt and so did his eyes. He felt better when he finished the letter. It was five pages. He would be going to london soon with Grace and his family. He would hand the letter over to Peter to mail and then be done with his past . He could just move on .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grace was relieved to get the call from Polly that Tommy was all right and on the way home. Her relief quickly turned to anger. How dare he just get up and leave her like that. She desperately needed to find out what triggered Tommy. She went to his office and looked around. She opened drawers, looked through all of his papers on the desk. She had to know. She got to the bottom drawer when headlights flashed through the windows. She quickly put everything back into place and ran upstairs to their bedroom. She listened and faintly heard the front door slam shut and nothing else. Grace opened the bedroom door and tip toe to the staircase to see Tommy walking towards the other side of the house. Of course he was sleeping down there and ignoring her once again. She wasn't gonna put up with his shit. In the morning she would confront him and get to the bottom of his behavior. She had gotten this far and she was so close to the finish line . She wasn't going to fail. She had to marry Tommy it's what she deserved.

It was breakfast time and still no Tommy. She held on her fork so tight she almost bent it. That's it she was done. She got up and stormed out of the dinning room. She noticed one of the kitchen girls taking a tray towards Tommy office.

"What are you doing with that tray." Grace snapped at the poor girl. She was startled and almost dropped the it.

"Mr. Shelby requested to eat his breakfast in his office ma'am."

"Do you know where he is now?"

" Upstairs ma'am "

Grace rolled her eyes and quickly hurried upstairs to their bedroom. She opened the door and heard the shower turning off. She took a minute to compose herself and put on her best worried look. As she went to open the bathroom door she heard him talking. It was muffled but she could make out she is in France and doesn't need you. What in the hell did that mean. Who was in France and who is she. Grace went to her side of the room where her closet is and hid while Tommy came out of the bathroom to his closet. She watched through the crack of the door while Tommy went back into the bathroom with his clothes. She quickly got out of there and headed back to her breakfast. Grace was seething on what she heard. How could this be happening . She honestly didn't think Tommy would cheat on her but now she had major doubt. The only women she knew of was Lizzie and May but they aren't in France. This all happened after his meeting with that Peter guy.

It was like a cold bucket of water was dumped on Grace. It suddenly hit her . Only one woman from France Tommy knew and it was Olivia. The woman who Tommy called out for during the night. The woman who was just a friend during the war. He supposedly hasn't seen her in years. This was bad. Tommy was dreaming and calling out to her. That meant she meant and still means more to him than a friend. Dear Lord what is she gonna do now. That woman is out there and poses a threat to her relationship to Tommy. There is absolutely no way she was going to let some past love ruin her happy life. Grace just sat at the table and tried to form a plan. When they go to London she would get Peter alone and ask about Olivia. She was also going to contact some old friends in Ireland to dig into the woman past. She didn't want to return to her spy ways but she was left with no choice. She had to be very careful in case Tommy or any other family member found out. If they did then surely she would be cast out of England and never see Tommy again. She also had to get pregnant before the wedding. Grace didn't care if she had to get him drunk and tie him to the bed. She was going to be all over him all the time. This was her future and no one was going to fuck with it.

~~~~~~~~ LONDON~~~~~~~~

It was a sunny Saturday morning and Olivia just laid in bed. She was waiting for her usual wake up call. She was bone tired by the time Friday rolled around and was excited to have a relaxing day with oscar. She had to work in almost all of the departments . Monday and Tuesday she helped deliver babies. Wednesday was spent in the operating room, which was a highlight of the week. Thursday she spend in the children's ward. Friday was very interesting. Olivia was asked to stitch up a man. She was a little annoyed that she was pulled away from going home early just to put stiches in until she met the patient. When Olivia entered the room the junior nurse was cowering in the corner and on the verge of tears. The girl ran out of the room and Olivia quickly introduced herself to the man and got to work. Right as she was threading the needle she heard the man grumble in a different language. Yiddish from what little she understood. He called her something that sounded like French tramp and that really ticked her off.

She looked up and fully took him in. This man looked and grumbled like a bear. He had a scruffy beard and blue eyes. He was well built and his hands looked rough. He had several rings on and a small tattoo near his thumb. It was a black crown. She didn't know what it stood for but it was obvious he was a criminal , most likely in a gang. She looked him directly in the eyes and told him off.

"If you have a problem sir let me know. I can stop the stitching and you can walk right out." She poked the cheek wound for emphasis. He growled.

" Or I can fix you right up and have you on your way in no time. It's your choice. "

He stared at her like he was dumbfounded. He apparently hasn't had many people stand up especially a woman.

"You speak yiddish?"

" I understand some. Enough to know an insult. I suggest you shouldn'tcall me a French tramp when I'm about to close your facial wound with a very sharp needle. If I'm not careful you could have a very ugly scar. "

"Mmhhhmm." Was all he said. That was Olivia's cue to get to work. She was half way done when he spoke again.

" The only French women I have known were whores. "

"Well I'm not one. I've have worked very hard to get where I am. I'm assuming you fought in the war. That's why you know French women as only whores."

" Yea I fought. All of England did. I was in Paris once. Beautiful city and wonderful brothels too. "

She tugged on the thread a little to sharply after the comment. She quickly finished and put a small bandage on it.

" I'm all done. Keep the bandage on for twenty-four hours and keep dry for the next week. If any problems please get medical attention. An infection can get nasty very fast. "

As Olivia cleaned up she heard the man clear his throat. She turned around and he looked like he wanted to say something.

"You were a nurse over there weren't you."

Olive took a breathe. She didn't think he would take the moment to observe that. His face was very solemn and remorseful.

" Yes I was. My brother and parents also served in the medical field. "

He stuck his hand out.

"Thank you for helping me . I do apologize for insulting you miss."

Olivia was a little stunned by this. She stuck her hand out to shake his.

"You're welcome. I was just doing my job and thank you for apologizing Mr?"

" It's Alfie Solomon's but you can just call me alfie. "

"Alright Alfie. I'm Olivia. Now remember what I said. If anything goes wrong please see someone. I work week days so I can help if you want."

Alfie smiled at her and tipped his hat at her.

"Shalom miss Olivia ."

She smiled back and cleaned up. He was an odd fellow but for some reason she wanted to get to know him. He seemed like a man who was full of stories. He was obviously a gangster and she shouldn't want to be friends with him but she couldn't help it. Olivia chalked it up to being lonely. She had only been in London for two months now and hadn't made very many friends. She was friendly with her fellow nurses and her neighbors but the only real constant friend she had in the city was Peter. She was grateful and loved him dearly but she wished that she knew more people. There was a small part of her that wanted to hop on a train and visit Birmingham but was not ready for that at all .

Olivia rolled over and saw eight- fifteen on the clock. The alarm was running a bit late. She finally heard the hall floorboards creek and the door open. She closed her eyes and tried not to smile when she felt the bed dip. She felt a tiny hand on her shoulder and hot breathe in her ear.

"I know you're up mama."

Olivia jolted up and grabbed Oscar. He was howling with giggles as she covered his face with kisses and set him in her lap. He put his arms around her neck and gave a few kisses back.

"How could you know I was up? I was under the covers with my eyes closed."

" You are always up before me mama. " Oscar was starting to wiggle out of Olivia lap and started towards the door.

" We have to get ready mama it's a big day. We get to see horses with uncle Peter. "

Olivia grinned at how excited he was. Peter was taking them to a stable at the edge of town. It was hard leaving her horses back home in France but she really had no where to put them. She could put them up in a stable but the transportation and weekly coverage of their stay would cost too much. She was also worried they wouldn't be treated kindly. The horses always made Olivia calm and peaceful. It made her feel close to Tommy too. She knew Oscar would take to them instantly since it was in his blood. She remembers the stories Tommy told her of him traveling with his romani side. How much his eyes lit up talking about the fairs he went to as a kid. The horse races he had with his brothers and cousins. He felt truly free traveling. She can see that in Oscar. He was always on the run from dawn till dusk. He threw tantrums when he was made to go back inside. When one of the mares gave birth Oscar stayed with her all day. He cried when the new foal was born. He personally over saw the care of the new horse and had so much love and pride in his eyes. She knew that was all Tommy. Hopefully one day Oscar will meet Tommy and his family. It would be a wonderful thing to see him in his true identity. A Shelby .

Olivia got ready quickly. She wore trousers and a white shirt. Wearing trousers wasn't consider lady like but she didn't care much. There was no way she was going to ride a horse in a dress. She wasn't going to sit side saddle either. Olivia tried a few times as a child but slipped out of the saddle and was almost trampled by the horse. She thought is was ridiculous that society saw women as inferior fragile creatures who should only stay home. She knew not many men could stomach her job as a nurse. They couldn't stomach having to bleed every month. They certainly couldn't handle giving birth. She wanted to change her male pier minds but most of them were stuck in their ways. She vowed to teach her son differently. She wanted to make sure Oscar felt that women were very much equal to men. She held done a job while being a single mother. That was something she wanted her son to be proud of.

Within the hour they were off to Peter's. Oscar was bouncing in the backseat of the car. Thankfully when they arrived Peter was waiting for them outside.

"Good morning . I hope you are excited for today's activities."

" IT'S HORSE RIDING DAY!!!! " Oscar exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

"Pas si fort mon ange."

(Not so loud sweetheart.)

"Désolé maman , mais je suis si heureuse."

( Sorry mama, but I am just so happy .)

Olivia looked in the rear view mirror and smiled at how happy he was.

"Du solltest den Jungen leicht machen. Du weißt, dass Pferde in seinem Blut sind. Genau wie sein Vater.

(You should go easy on the boy. You know horses are in his blood. Just like his father.) Peter said with a little wickedness in his eyes. He knew he was pushing olivia's buttons with mentioning Tommy. He kinda had to now since his meeting with him. Peter knew the secret would be out soon. He could feel it.

Olivia rolled her eyes as hard as she could. Peter always encouraged the Shelby traits in Oscar when they came out. She had to curve it because he still had to have manners. She knew his stubbornness came from Tommy. Oscar was also getting smarter everyday. That came from both parents but his sneaky cleverness came from his father. That scared her. She didn't want him to be to smart for his own good.

"Er muss sich um seine Manieren kümmern. Sprich auch nicht vor ihm über Tommy . Nicht in irgendeiner Sprache."

(He needs to mind his manners. Also don't talk about Tommy in from of him. Not in any language.)

"Es ist wahr und du weißt es"

(Its true and you know it.)

"Maman, tu as dit que ćétait grossier de parler derrière quelqu'un dans une autre langue."

(Mama, you said it was rude to talk behind someone's back in another language.)

Peter laughed loudly but tried to cover it with a cough. That boy was certainly a Shelby.

"Alright everyone speaks English from now on. No more secret conversations." Olivia said sternly . Thankfully Oscar began to prattle on about the week he had. Peter enjoyed the conversation with Oscar because he had to tell Olivia about his meeting with Tommy a few weeks ago. He was saving that towards the end of the trip. He prayed that she would flip out.

After an hour of driving they arrived at the estate. It was a very classy yet homie place. It was owned by some Lord and had been in his family for many generations. There was a manor you could stay at over night and a lovely restaurant that over looked a magnificent garden and green house. The stables housed some of the world's top racing horses. It was an exclusive place to get into and a person could be in the waiting list for years. Of course it was Peter who got them in. It helps to befriend a judge and a few parliament members to get in.

Oscar flew out of the car once they stopped. Olivia went to grab him. She turned him around to face him.

"I know you're excited but you can't run off like that . Now stay with me and uncle Peter . We are going to eat a little breakfast before we ride."

" But we already ate some biscuits at the house. I want to ride now ! " Oscar made his displeasure known with a stomp and a pout. Oscar knew better than to throw a fit but he couldn't help it. He was only five years old. He wanted to ride now.

Olivia knelt down to his eye level.

"We will be here most of the day and I know you petit ami. You will ignore your grumbling tummy just to keep ridding as long as possible. Now we don't want you to go hungry now do we?"

" No I guess not. " Oscar said with a long sigh. Olivia and Peter couldn't hold back their smiles. The little guy was truly his father. She stood up and grabbed Oscar 's hand to walk into the manor. They were quickly greeted by the concierge and escorted to the sunroom for breakfast.

They ate a proper English breakfast. Olivia had to tell Oscar to slow down a few times so he wouldn't choke. He was practically vibrating with excitement when they finished and went towards the stables.

"Its good to see you Mr. DuBois." Alfred Pennyworth said to the little boy. Alfred ran the stables . He enjoyed the little boy's company . Alfred had been in charge of the Wayne manor stables for over 20 years and Oscar was truly his favorite child to of worked with. He wouldn't be surprised if he ended up working at the manor when he was older. "Hello Alfred . It's a wonderful day to ride isn't it."

All the adults smiled and laughed a bit.

" We have your usual horses ready to go. " Alfred said as they walked into the stables. Olivia hung back a little watching Oscar talk the men's ears off. She was startled by a kick in a stall door. She paused and saw a true beauty. A large black horse was huffing at her. She walked towards him and put out her hand. It walked forward and sniffed her. That brought a smile to Olivia's lips. Something in the horse's eyes felt familiar and calming. It was odd to her that she instantly thought of Tommy. She stroked his muzzle when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"He is a beaut isn't he?" Alfred said.

" He most certainly is. What is his name? "

"Mahogany boy. He is a retired race horse from Birmingham. His owner donated him. We are training him to work with disabled children and veterans and It's not just horses. They provide dogs for the blind and also send in dogs to visit sick children in the hospital. It's a wonderful charity that Lord Wayne started. "

It warmed her heart to hear that someone with Lord Wayne's money and status put it to good use and helped people in need. Olivia also got the urge to volunteer in the charity. What ever she could help with she wanted to.

"Alfred is there any chance I could ride him instead of mercy." She gave him the biggest smile and puppy eyes she could. There was just something about the horse.

"If you are sure. I can have him saddled up in a few minutes." Alfred wasn't to sure about taking him out but he had done well the last few times . Alfred couldn't say no to Olivia either. She looked like she was in love with him. He was quickly saddled and the group was off. Oscar was riding an older docile horse named lemon drop. She was an Appaloosa and Oscar adored her. Peter was riding Lemon drop sister Athena. He really wasn't a horse person and wasn't a very good rider but he decided to bite the bullet a while ago because it ment spending time with Olivia and Oscar. Peter didn't have much family left so he adopted Olivia as a sister and her son as a nephew. All he needed was for Tommy to marry Olivia and then he would have a brother in law.

Olivia was amazed at how powerful she felt on top of Mahogany boy. It was a calm power. Like she could ride into a city and take it over. All she needed was armour and a sword. Then she would be a warrior queen from the bed time stories Oscar loves so much. When the group started to pick up speed on the horse trail she could feel he wanted to run. There was a quiet ferociousness to him that was just like Tommy. A dangerous beauty. A large field came into view and Olivia made mahogany boy speed up. She could hear Oscar giggles and Peter whistle. Soon they were all racing to the end of the field. It was a major rush of adrenaline and felt incredible. She was disappointed to reach the end of the field. All she wanted was to keep running. Peter stopped next to her and then under the watchful eye of Alfred , Oscar trotted along with a giant grin on his face. What would make this moment perfect is Tommy being here .

"Oh mama that was so much fun. Can I ride with you mama. Please please please." Oscar pouted his lips as he begged his mother. He wanted so badly to ride with her. That would be the biggest horse he has ever ridden. Olivia wasn't too sure about it but since he would be in front of her she didn't see why not.

"Alright sweet heart come here." She grabbed him to sit in front and made sure he was secure . Alfred held on to lemon drop reigns and they slowly headed back to the stables. It was a leisurely stroll that had Oscar asking to go faster every few minutes. Once the stables were in view , mahogany boy sped up a little. Oscar was having the time of his life . They reached the stables and dismounted. When Olivia reached for her son she could tell he was a little disappointed that the ride was over. Back in France she would let him stay outside with the horses all day but here in England that wasn't possible. Olivia planned to look for country home soon. She wanted to wait a year of being in London before she bought anything. She didn't plan on moving them there permanently but it would be nice for a weekend home. Olivia had a nice nest egg saved up and felt ok with splurging a bit for a good home.

"Do I have to get down ? I really don't want to." Oscar pleaded with his mother. Before she could answer the stables hand Billy did.

"I can take him in the rink ma'am. He will be safe with me" Billy told her. Olivia wasn't sure but she had seen Billy ride and it looked like he knew what he was doing. Peter came up to Olivia , grabbed her by the shoulders and moved her to the fences area.

"Come on mum let the boy have some. We can watch from here." Peter wanted Olivia to loosen up a little and this would also be a good time to tell her about Tommy .

"Alright but sweet heart you listen and pay attention to Billy." She was worried but they not on her son's face was worth it. They entered the rink and and were galloping . Olivia and Peter leaned against the fence and just watch.

"He should be here. He should be the one up there with his little boy." A wave of melancholy hit Olivia . They were so close to Tommy and yet so far away at the same time.

"Do you think he would hate me ? I didn't go to Birmingham like I promised. I've kept his son from him. I've made such a mess of this." Olivia bowed her against the fence and held back the tears. If she did seek out Tommy would he even want to see her?

Peter hated seeing Olivia beat herself up. He had to tell her.

"Tommy still loves you Liv. Yes he would be hurt and angry but he would understand. That's his flesh and blood. One thing I know about the Shelby's is that they would never hate Oscar or turn him away." Peter turned to look at Oscar laughing and having the time of his life. He sighed and decided to tell her.

" Tommy hired me a few weeks ago to find you. "

Olivia eyes went wide and her face went pale.

" Oh dear God " Olivia whispered in horror. Peter grabbed her by the shoulders so she would face him.

"All Tommy knows is that you have become successful in your career and that you still live in France with your family. I didn't tell him about Oscar or that you are now in England."

It was hard for Olivia to focus on what Peter was saying. All she was thinking about was that Tommy now knew about them and could take her son away from her.

"Alright Liv focus on me. Take deep breathes and focus on me." She did what he said and took deep breathes to calm down. She settled after a few minutes.

" Tommy doesn't know you had his child and he doesn't know you are here in England. He just wanted to know if you were still alive. Ok . I never told him. " Peter held her face in both hands. He saw how scared she was. He could read her just like he could Tommy.

"He still loves you Liv. I could see it. You will always have a place in his heart. I know you're scared but nothing is going to happen unless you wanted it to ."

Olivia gently removed his hands from her face and wiped the few tears that ran down her cheeks. Her emotions were all over the place. She knows he would never sell her out or out her into harms way. But there was something nagging in the back of her mind. What if Tommy didn't believe Peter. What if he showed up on her door step or at her work. Olivia didn't think she could ever face him but maybe this was the push she needed.

"Is Tommy happy with his fiance?" It was a question she didn't want to ask but had to.

" Yes he seems to be but I'm not very sure about her something is off. Why do you ask? " Peter didn't know where this was going.

"If he is truly happy I don't want to blow up his life. I know that it's the right thing to tell him but what if he doesn't want us. I'm so scared that he wouldn't want anything to do with Oscar or he would be in his life out of obligation. They don't deserve to go through life being father and son simply because they have too. Oscar deserves a father's love."

"He will love Oscar with his whole heart I can promise you that. As for Grace , I can also promise that if she isn't accepting of Oscar then Tommy won't put up with that. You won't be blowing up his life. You would be bringing him joy. Tommy has been so broken since coming back. Well all have. I know that he would cherish every day he was able to have with his son." Peter took a breathe and realized where this was going.

" You want to tell Tommy don't you. "

"I have moved to London at the same time Tommy has decided to find me. Maybe it's God way of telling me I need to see him again and for Tommy and Oscar to me." Olivia felt like a brick was lifted off her chest. It was time for them to meet. She couldn't deprive any more time from her son. If Tommy rejected him then she would simply run his ass over . As much as she loves Tommy her son comes first and she would do anything to protect him.

"Would you set a meeting up for me and be there please?"

" of course I will help in any way you want me to. " Peter was so happy. Tommy was going to have the family he always wanted with Olivia after all these years. Peter grabbed Olivia in a tight bear hug. As they were holding each other there was a sound off to the side. Olivia looked into the rink and it happened so suddenly and yet it was also slow motion. Mahogany boy was in distress. He was making terrible noises like he was scared and started rising in his back legs. Billy was the first to fall off with a loud yell. Then it was just little Oscar on the horse. He was screaming and holding on for dear life. Mahogany boy ran to the other side still bucking and then there was a loud thump. Oscar fell off and under the horse. There was a another loud guttural scream. Olivia didn't realize it came from her.

Olivia was in a complete haze when they got to the hospital. She doesn't remember picking up Oscar little unconscious body of putting him in the car. She doesn't remember running into the hospital for help. They made it there in record time and thankfully they went to her hospital. She knew he would be in good hands. By a miracle Oscar only had a dislocated shoulder , bruised ribs, and a bump on the back of his head. He had to stay in the hospital under observation for twenty-four hours. They gave him some pain medication which knocked him right out. That's why Olivia was kneeling next to his bed praying. Praying that her baby would remain in this state and no other injury would pop up over night.

Olivia had felt fear during the war and when she gave birth but what she felt today was a new feeling. It was pure and raw terror. When he went under the horse she thought he was going to be trampled. Olivia didn't know if she could survive something bad happening to him. He was her whole world. When she went into labor she almost bled to death. When she thinks back to that day it breaks her heart to think she might of not gotten a chance to be a mother. He truly saved her life. Oscar was her purpose. He gave her so much hope .

Olivia got up with a grunt. Her knees hurt from kneeling but didn't care. Oscar was sleeping soundly and alive. That's all she cares about. He was going to be just fine. She sat on the bed and stroked his hair. He looked so much like his father. If she hadn't decided earlier than she would have now. Life was short and Tommy needed to know his son.

"Quand je marche dans la rue

La rue vers le Sacré-Cœur

Je me souviens de promesses

Au nom de l'amour

Je,je vais t'attendre lá

Viendras -tu pour moi?

Je vais t'attendre lá

Seulement toi

Olivia was singing her favorite song. The she used to sing to Tommy. When they got some time alone at night he would lay his head on her chest. Olivia would sub her fingers through his hair. It helped him sleep. He said her voice and heart beat was the only thing that kept the noises out. He didn't fear Germans were in the other side of the wall when he was in her arms. Olivia wanted to keep him in his arms and protect him forever. She knows she is not able to do that for Tommy but she is for Oscar.

" Les ombres grandissent

Et les foules s'effacent

Je,je vais t'attendre lá

Viendras-tu pour moi?

Je vais t'attendre lá

Seulement toi

Seulement toi"

"Olivia?"

she was still singing and watching her boy. That's when she heard the voice again. Calling to her.

"Olivia Du Bois? " The voice said louder. She froze for a moment. That voice sounded familiar but it has been years. She stood and turned towards the door. The sun was starting to set and the light hit his face like a portrait. It felt like a fist was squeezing her heart. He looked different but she knew it was him. He had those damn blue eyes. Only one other person had them and he was laying in the bed asleep. She saw an older woman come in the room calling his name. Her feet started to move and was suddenly in front of him. She could tell he thought she was a ghost. She raised her hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. All she wanted was to kiss him.

"Yes Tommy it's me." Tears started to fall down her cheeks and he smiled. Then the older woman popped their bubble.

" Oh sweet jesus. This is the last fucking thing I need to deal with right now. "

[merp-blerp]

Kaylor, Arial, and Belle: A Strange Deep Dive... Thing 🌼🐚🥀🌈

So Mr. Christian Siriano had mildly rocked my world by posting the infamous rainbow dress again, plus a new rainbow dress. However, him posting the rainbow dress with yellow/gold dresses, plus the purple top on the most recent rainbow dress, has me and others pondering, so here's my two cents. Come clown with me if you'd like.

This post inspired this.

Naturally, Siriano posted this dress for a mystery person to wear for NYC Pride 2019, that mystery person theorized to be Taylor originally before the master heist potentially ruined that and Billy Porter wore it instead:

Fast forward to 2024, where Siriano posts this infamous dress once again, first on being on 6/3/24, the second time with a new rainbow dress on 6/28/24, once again imploring others to guess who the dress is for:

It's worth noting that there are other rainbow dresses by Siriano (and at least one more time he posted the original rainbow dress pro-2019, but that wasn't significant here), but they don't seem to have as strong of a connection to Taylor outside of being yet more rainbow dresses:

On 6/30, Siriano posted this photo with a male model (Kyle?) wearing (half, technically) of the 6/28 dress. In the same post, he writes "Oh and everyone don't worry it was not for Taylor but we love her!!" It recognizes that every gaylor associates his rainbow dresses with Taylor and the story of "Diva who we made this for can't come to pride anymore", which lines up with the NYC Pride coming out theory. This is not the first or biggest time he's acknowledged the theory, but it is always very affirming for Siriano to be so open on it:

I personally wasn't expecting Taylor to actually wear the 6/28 dress at any point (I mean, I clowned just in case so it could potentially be manifested, but I wasn't getting my hopes up). Still, the allusions of her associations with Siriano's dresses are present in the new dress posts and interesting to think about, especially when Siriano himself plays into them when he really doesn't have to.

So I just wanted to piece together this idea of Taylor + Karlie = Arial + Belle symbolism from my perspective as a fairytale and Disney nerd.

Theorizing time!

Part 1: Belle = Karlie Kloss 🥀

With this makeshift theory, I'd like to start with the most interesting side first, which might not seem as obvious. I think Karlie might represent Belle in Taylor's music and that's at least a part of why the rainbow dress(es) is pictured with yellow/gold dresses, as that's often Belle's main color outside of blue. As to why:

Belle's dress being gold (in the film itself) or yellow (in merchandising) could easily parallel Taylor's lyrics about associating her lover with gold and the sun, like "Gold Rush", "Daylight", etc. It also fits Tay saying Kar was the sunshine emoji in their Vogue Best Friend video.

Belle as a character was allegedly inspired by Katharine Hepburn's portrayal of Jo March in Little Women (1933). Katharine Hepburn was a queer woman and Jo herself has been interpreted as a queer character.

Belle could arguably be a "static character", as in one who doesn't change throughout the story. That doesn't make Belle badly written, it's just the type I personally think she, at least somewhat fits into. Karlie, for as long as she's been reflected in Tay's music, from what I can tell, has not really changed in her role. She's always been Taylor's beloved muse.

While I sadly can't find a source— if you can, please share—I've heard before that Belle's blue village dress was inspired by Dorothy's dress in The Wizard of Oz (1939). This nicely complements the theory that Karlie is Dorothea in Taylor's song by the same name and that Dorothea is a reference to Dorothy Gale, who herself is a queer-coded character and is associated with the queer slang phrase "Friend of Dorothy". Both Belle and Dorothy yearn for a life that's beyond the one they're living because their peers don't seem to understand them. Many of Taylor's songs have this yearning in them, like "Down Bad" and "I Hate It Here". They aren't the ones in their stories learning the lesson; Dorothy helps her friends learn that they had their gifts all along and Belle's presence in Beast's life inspires him to be better. They're also very accepting of those who are different from society's expectations, Belle with the Beast and Dorothy with her various friends.

Lyricist Howard Ashman wrote the songs for both Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid with Alan Menken. He was also gay and unfortunately died of AIDS in 1991, Beauty and the Beast being the last project he worked on (he technically worked on Aladdin in 1988 before it was released in 1992, but a lot of his songs were cut from the film because the story changed over time, so I believe Beauty and the Beast is typically considered his swan song).

Beauty and the Beast did NOT come out the same year Karlie was born, 1992, but almost did, on November 22, 1991. In the "...Ready For It?" MV, 89 and 91 are on the wall in red and yellow, kind of like Arial and Belle, though the 91 is likely just a beard red herring in the song about bearding. This isn't really a point, I just thought I'd mention it.

Belle is a similar enough name to Betty. Belle means beauty (in Spanish) and the old slang term "Betty" refers to an attractive woman and someone who "...has a smile that can light up a room, and a laugh that could change anyone’s mood..." according to Urban Dictionary. Both names in Hebrew mean God's oath/oath of God.

In the Gaylor world, yellow is often seen as representing closeting/escaping closeting, since the closet room in the Lover house is yellow and Taylor wears a yellow dress after ghosting the prince in the "Bejewled" music video (there could be other reasons too). In the 6/3 photo of the rainbow dress, the mannequin the dress is displayed on and the yellow dresses behind it have a yellow sheer wrap around their heads. For the rainbow dress at least, Billy Porter didn't wear a yellow wrap around his head when wearing the dress, as it's not a part of the outfit, so why is it on the mannequin? My best non-gaylor guess is to help pair it with the yellow dresses better, but why is the dress with these yellow dresses at all rather than with the other rainbow dresses Siriano created or something more similar in concept? It might not be for any Taylor-related reason, but who's to say? It seems as if it's a random choice (and I like how in the og rainbow dress post Siriano's profile picture just happened to be of a yellow dress. Fun happenstance).

Yellow daisies are associated with Kaylor due to their presence in the Big Sur trip and Taylor referencing them in "Don't Blame Me". Daisies are also associated with queerness, being a slang term for gay. Wow, Ms. "Now I'm your daisy", that was bold to say now that I think about it.

Roses play a big role in the general story of Beauty and the Beast, including Disney's. Some of the strongest Kaylor songs mention roses, like "Maroon", "The Lakes", somewhat "The Albatross", etc. The rose is often out of place, like in "The Lakes" where it's growing out of snow, as if it was magical that it happened or seen as not something that should happen, yet it did. Carnations are mistaken as roses in "Maroon", to me representing how Kar and Tay's love isn't always like the norm, so not always a rose, the most common love flower, but carnations still mean love (and have a queer history attached to them). It's "A rose by any other name" and "is a scandal" like in "The Albatross".

Certain songs have been theorized to be from Karlie's perspective towards Taylor, like "TTPD", "Renegade", "Cardigan", and even "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)". All the songs mentioned depict the narrator as trying to help their lover gain strength, knowledge, or simply better habits. In "Cardigan", Betty is steps ahead of James, knowing his moves before he does them because that's how much she loves and knows him, regardless of his actions. Similar to Belle's brainy personality and Karlie's seemingly matching one. Belle never actively tries to "fix" her beast on her own accord in the Disney film despite popular interpretation. She notices that Beast is making an effort to change his ways and supports him through it, as seen in the film's song "Something There". Belle never stomached his bad behavior, running away when Beast pushes it too far and only coming back when he earns it. She never "sees the good in him" before he actually exhibits good. This is similar to Betty (and the narrators of the other songs I mentioned), who lets James come to her when he's ready, rather than stay with him after he did something wrong and is clearly dealing with some baggage in an unhealthy way. I'd say "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)" was the only exception, but the song ending with "Whoa, maybe I can't" acknowledges that the idea of "fixing" anyone is often a lie; the narrator knows this and stops (sarcastically/in a tongue-in-cheek way IMO) sassing that they can. But the narrator describing her lover with lines like "The dopamine races through his brain" and "Softly traces hearts on my face" communicates to me that the lover, Taylor, wants to improve on her own accord. Taylor and Karlie are always working together to get to a better place, like Belle and Beast, not one trying to fix the other.

Part 2: Arial = Taylor Swift 🐚

This one should take less explaining I guess. I have less to say about this one.

Disney's The Little Mermaid was released in 1989, the same year Taylor was born. Arial is 16 years old, the same age Taylor was when her first album was released.

Taylor dressed as Arial for New Year's Eve in 2019 (or 2018 if you want to be technical about it...).

Arial has a forbidden romance with a human. Taylor has written about forbidden romances plenty before. Gee, I wonder why—

Of course, the title of Taylor's song "But Daddy I Love Him" is a reference to a line Arial says in the film.

The purple top on the 6/28 rainbow dress is reminiscent of Arial's sea-shell bra.

Mermaids and Sirens are often conflated as the same creatures. Sirens, whether they were half-bird or half-fish people, were seen as evil creatures pulling sailors to their deaths, their voices and songs too alluring to resist. Reminds me vaguely of "Put narcotics into all of my songs // And that's why you're still singin' along" from "WAOLOM". Mermaids have also been seen as victims of men (sailors), promiscuous figures, lucky charms, child-appropriate creatures, and temptresses to men, like Taylor has been seen at times in the public eye.

Many of Taylor's lyrics allude to her seeing herself as or even portraying herself as a monster, beast, or otherworldly creature. "Anti-Hero", "WAOLOM", "...Ready For It", "Don't Blame Me", etc. Mermaids have been seen in many ways over the years, villainous or virtuous. Hans Christian Andersen's original version of the story was subversive at the time for not making the mermaid evil or sexualized. But she's still a half-fish creature, not a natural human, so she could still be considered a "creature/beast" whether she acts beastly or not. Therefore Taylor sees herself as the Beast to Karlie's Beauty.

Andersen's original story ends with the mermaid attempting to jump off the prince's ship after he didn't fall for her back. She expects to turn into sea foam since mermaids have no souls to become angels. This would fulfill her deal with the sea witch. However, the mermaid is saved by these fairy-like creatures called "Daughters of the Air", as they recruit her as one of them so she can do good deeds for 300 years with them and gain her soul without the aid of a man's love. It somewhat reminds me of Taylor pausing the beardings and abandoning men to hang out with her squad. "I picked the petals, he loves me not // Something different bloomed // Writing in my room..." (from "YOYOK").

And Andersen was fairly certainly queer.

As for this line in "Clara Bow": "Beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours // Demanding more..." I think it's mostly a commentary on how painful the demand for women to be beautiful is. But under this lens, it could be slight self-reflection; I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor has personally felt the pressure of trying to stay as beautiful as possible, both in looks and spirits. Inside her is both physical and spiritual beauty, but beauty can be a beast, demanding to stay against all odds despite natural aging or moments of being human and exhibiting more negative "non-beautiful" emotinal traits.

Not really a point, but here is a fun fact: there are ✨13✨ official Disney Princesses currently, starting with Snow White and currently ending at Raya (I don't know if Asha from Wish counts yet or will count). Belle was the next princess directly after Arial in terms of their film's release dates, similar to Karlie and Taylor's birthdates.

[amugoffandoms]

THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS: A Little Discussion into the Machiavellian Concept and Its Applications to MILGRAM

Hello there!! Welcome to my discussion into MILGRAM and the Machiavellian concept of the end justifying the means. Apologies in advance if stuff doesn't make sense, I feel like this was a very complicated thing to explain??

enjoy the es headers to divide some of my thoughts lol

I was thinking about something and the phrase "The end justifies the means" popped into my head, especially for Haruka.

Like, I feel like the end (getting his mom's attention) certainly justified the means (murder) in his point of view.

But, such an idea is often frowned upon, as "That snappy justification for everything “sinful and wicked” sounds good on paper at first to some realists, but in practice, it is a slippery slope to despotism and immoral horrors. See Hitler, eugenics, and other horrors like that." (Source)

However, the Machiavellian concept has more nuance to it.

"Machiavelli in all cases is implying that “the means” matter, and “the ends” don’t magically justify them, yet sometimes it is worth accepting all the ramifications of “unjustifiable means,” and the damage they do to one’s reputation, for the end goal.

In other words the ends don’t cancel out the means in every respect, but they may none-the-less justify to some extent the original less-than-virtuous actions needed to secure the ends. . . .

DO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS? The ends can sometimes justify the means, and the ends are often more important than the means. Sometimes, one must muster up criminal virtue to ensure an end which brings the “greatest happiness,” but one must understand that we are talking about the “greatest happiness” theory here. Thus, people should consider the philosophy of consequentialism and consider the morality of the means as well as the result of the ends, and not just seek their ends by any means without consideration. Machiavelli as a political thinking, virtuous master, and republican would no doubt apply the same sort of reason to the seeking of a perfect happiness theory. Truly, one could argue, that only a tyrant would consider ends to justify means – period…" (Source)*

*The source is from the same link as above.

Now, I'm not calling Haruka a tyrant (he's literally 17 and was neglected as a child, of course he'd do what he could.)

However, Haruka believes in the original idea, that his mother's attention justified killing someone. But, here it states that to some extent, these actions can be justified.

So, Haruka can't entirely justify his actions because of just the end. He begs for his INNOCENT verdict despite what he can and says he will do. There are obvious consequences to these actions and it's not fair to take just the ends into account.

In fact, as I write this, it makes me believe that MILGRAM, underneath all of this, is asking you:

"Does the end justify the means?"

You see this throughout the entire project, either subtly or directly:

Haruka - As aforementioned, does getting his mother's attention justify killing someone?

Yuno - (I'm using the pregnancy entrapment theory here as it's very plausible, but you could use many different theories.) Does getting someone's attention/love justify trapping them in a pregnancy?

Fuuta - (help this one's complicated ^^;;;) Does someone dying justify your mindset of destroying all "evildoers"?

Muu - (See, this one is complicated as well as her murder and why is heavily debated, so I'll go with Muu trying to kill Rei because she wasn't forgiven and also because she wanted the suffering to end. Please let me know if there is a much more nuanced idea.) Does the ending suffering justify killing someone?

Shidou - Does saving a singular person justify all the other people they've killed to save them?

Mahiru - (See, once again, complicated, since we have no idea what her murder is, but I'll try a guess. Once again, please let me know if there is a much more nuanced idea!) Does someone dying justify overwhelming love?

Kazui - Does someone dying justify lying, but telling the truth in the end?

Amane - Does someone dying justify your faith?

Mikoto - Does protecting someone (or in this case, an alter) justify killing someone?

Kotoko - Does serving justice justify possibly killing someone?

One thing I forget to mention in the original posting (and I'd like to thank @inferablossom for this point! Please take a look at their reblog here!) is the application with Es and MILGRAM itself.

In their words, they say, ". . .the treatment of the guilty prisoners. . . that's an important thing to look at. All the prisoners who were voted Guilty had their thoughts rejected in the fork of hearing lots of voices condemning and judging them, something that's been not unfairly called out as psychological torture. We are being asked to judge these prisoners as forgivable or unforgivable. Some of them, people won't find forgivable, and many have stated an intention to forgive them later, but not now, with an intention to make them 'better' in some way. But can we justify essentially subjecting people to psychological torture to achieve this aim? And on the other side, for Kotoko, many people likely voted her forgivable based on her crime, but she also deemed it as accepting her deal and therefore sanctioning her violence against other prisoners. Can we justify actions that could lead to her harming many people?"

As I stated in my reply, I honestly wasn't looking into MILGRAM because I was so focused on the prisoners, but it's a great point!

I'm basically restating my reply here, but:

Can we justify putting prisoners through "psychological torture" to ensure "betterment"? Can you forgive someone terrible to save someone else?

For example, Haruka and Muu. After Haruka made that threat in his 2nd VD, people must have seriously been considering voting for Muu's innocence to stop him from committing suicide. However, we all automatically went to a guilty verdict.

Voting for Kotoko's innocence caused her to beat up the other prisoners. So, are you able to justify these actions that can lead to more?

As an audience, we must see if the ends justify our means, see if violence can justify forgiveness, and if "betterment" (or in what Alice said in their tags, harm mitigation) can justify psychological torture.

This is very reminiscent of Fuuta's 2nd MV, where he yells at Es for being just like him. Es, and I suppose us as well, justify their actions by saying this is MILGRAM and they must find the truth.

(Can finding the truth behind someone justify psychological and physical suffering?)

It also reminds me of Amane's voting! Everyone wanted her to realize her murder, but it caused her to become more "stuck" with her beliefs. Can betterment justify a guilty verdict, causing psychological torture, to realize one's murder?

If we were to judge ourselves, would it be fair to say we'd give ourselves a GUILTY verdict?

Quick Side Topic: In voting in MILGRAM, I like to take into a few factors: personality (it is not affected as much, but depending on the situation, it does help), actions, and the crime itself.

I'm not saying anyone who voted certain prisoners the opposite way is wrong to vote that way, but I like to think of these factors to fairly judge, as if I was part of a jury in a trial.

For example, since her voting period ended last month, Muu. I voted her guilty because of her disregard for Haruka's threat and guilty prisoners' wellbeing, saying they deserved it, no? (In my eyes, no one deserves such a fate unless they have done something EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY wrong. I'm not justifying murder, but I'm saying the actions done to them were wrong.) Her personality didn't really swing my vote any way. Her murder, however, did. In my eyes, it seemed like she was trying to get retribution for her bullying (I have this whole theory that one of Rei's friends were being bullied, killed herself, and Rei called her out on this.)

Back on track...

Once again, there is so much more nuance to each of these characters than DOES THE END JUSTIFY THE MEANS? Haruka is certainly more than wanting his mother's attention; Yuno more than trying to get pregnant from someone; Fuuta more than his mindset; Muu more than her suffering; Shidou more than his dead patients; Mahiru more than her boyfriend; Kazui more than his lies; Amane more than her faith; Mikoto more than his DID (Can't recall if this is the right term.); and Kotoko more than serving justice.

But, that's what some of their ideals and murder itself boils down to, can you justify murder? Can you look at why they did it (motive/goal), what happened (murder/means), and your own morality and decide if you can forgive someone?

Can you look into yourself and truly find that there is a justification for murder?

In the words of Es in former English subs for UNDERCOVER, "You get to know them and tie them with their EGO? Can you really judge them? Is it really okay to be done with deciding with just your EGO? Will you be able to forgive them after listening to their sins?"

Can you look past the less-than-virtuous means to justify the end?

In the words of the new English subs, "Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends?"

Can the ends justify murder?

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading my little discussion into this topic. Once again, I apologize for any confusing parts in this. I myself am still trying to grasp the concept, but my thoughts are now in writing.

I'm not well versed into some of these characters, so I am willing to edit this to fix any mistakes I've made in their little analysis of them! Thank you for your help if you do!

I think the first thought of this concept and how it was comparable to Haruka and it started snowballing.

When I realized I had my thoughts down in a whole essay/discussion, I realized it would probably be best to divide this up into easier to read chunks??

MILGRAM is an amazing music video project and considering the release of I Love You is soon, I'm excited to see what is in store. If I recall correctly, they said this was an intense trial, so oh dear! ^^;;

Here's to more amazing songs to analyze!

[a-tear-in-space]

hHhhhh it's "Jasper makes Milgram theories while horribly sleep-deprived" time

Alright. So. If you remember, Es makes a comment at some point (I don't remember where, probably in a VD) about how Haruka should have been 006 or 007. This means that the prisoners' order is significant in some way.

So, thus was born this theory that I kind of just thought of off the top of my head - what if the prisoners' number reflects how much control they had over the things that led them to commit the crimes they did?

Rambling starts under the cut

So, what are the prisoner's crimes? (A reflection)

Haruka - Strangling a girl to death

Yuno - Multiple Abortions

Fuuta - Starting a hate campaign against a girl that led to her committing suicide

Muu - Stabbing someone to death after mentally breaking from being bullied horribly

Shidou - Harvesting the organs of patients in order to try and save his wife

Mahiru - Causing her boyfriend to commit suicide due to her overbearing way of "loving"

Kazui - Causing his wife to commit suicide due to him keeping a secret (likely that he is a godamn homosexual) for the entirety of their marriage, which did lead to the downfall of the life they had.

Amane - Beating someone (likely her mother- "My mother should have kept her faith until the very end") to death, likely due to her victim leaving the cult or at least trying to (hence the quote.)

Mikoto (John) - Beating multiple people to death in order to protect Mikoto

Kotoko - Hunting down and killing people who were preying on the unsuspecting ("I can't stand the evil hurting the weak") in her pursuit of justice

With that out of the way... it's analysis time boys.

Haruka was clearly extremely mentally ill and was jealous of the girl we saw in weakness, which was reinforced by his mother not loving him due to his learning disability and seemingly preferring that girl over him. If Haruka had been given proper love and support throughout his childhood, I think it's fairly obvious that he would not have done the things he did. He may have had a tiny bit of control over things, but again, if he had been cared for and his mental disability had been acknowledged rather than one of the things that led to someone he held in high esteem (his mother) hating him, he would not have done what he did.

Yuno's "crime" is obviously abortions, she pretty much confirms it. And if you all have the slightest bit of knowledge on how babies are made, you'll know that the woman's egg is not the baby, the man's sperm cell is - therefore, her "crime" wasn't something that was in her control, as she obviously never chose to get pregnant or really wanted to. She chose to get the abortions, sure, but the actions that caused her to get them was of no fault of her own.

Fuuta's crime was pretty indirect itself, and he clearly didn't mean for it to happen. He only started the ball rolling that led to his victim committing suicide. So while he did have some level of control over it (Literally doxxing the victim and starting everything) he had no real say in how things spiralled.

Muu's crime wasn't really intended either, let's be honest - she was clearly on the verge of snapping as it was, and the one person that didn't immediately turn to bullying her after her whole thing was exposed turning away from her pushed her over the metaphorical edge. Though let's be honest here - she did kind of have some level of control over the things that led to her committing said murder, what with her whole "Queen Bee" thing.

Shidou’s crime was clearly influenced by his grief and all the mental fuckwittery that comes along with that (seriously, grief is no joke,) and he was not in a good headspace, convinced that he might be able to save the only remaining family he had by taking the organs of others. Yes, he did have control over his actions, but again, his mental state clearly influenced the actions he took.

Mahiru didn't even know the harm she was doing in her relationship because of just how unstable she was, and so blinded by love that she didn't even realise how toxic things were until it was far too late. Yes, she did have control over how the relationship was, but again, her mental state clearly influenced how things turned out. And nobody really has any "control" over a suicide, so.

Kazui let the lies and fear take over his life to the point where he played with someone's feelings, making her believe that he genuinely loved her the way she loved him. Hell, they even got married even though Kazui was lying through his teeth the whole time. So yeah, he had a pretty decent amount of control over the things that led to his wife committing suicide. Do I really think he intended for it to happen? Of course not - again nobody really has any "control" over a suicide. But once more, he pretty much just led his wife on for years (yes, he cared for her platonically, but not in the way she believed he did) and she genuinely did love him.

Amane did things mostly of her own accord, though it's fairly obvious that the cult had influence over her actions, her eyes after she committed her crime shows this. But what I also want to point out is that it, most likely, was her own decision to kill her mother. She saw her trying to leave the cult (assuming that theory is correct, ofc) and decided to beat her to death. She had control over what she did.

Mikoto is a difficult one, judging as his murders were done by John, and John obviously did them to protect Mikoto. But John definitely did have control over the whole, yk, murdering thing. He chose who to kill, he chose to kill them, that kind of thing.

Kotoko had, let's be honest, the most amount of control over her actions. She did them because she wanted to, not because anybody influenced her to do them. She wanted to protect people, so she killed the people who were hurting them. One of the lines in HARROW is literally "I want to gouge you out with my fangs." The key word here is Want. It was something she did because she firmly believed she was right to do so. She had complete control.

I probably drifted away from my original point more than once while writing this rambling theory, but I'm sleep-deprived and on a bus. So.

[gear-project]

Annon-Guy: Continuation of Artificial Life Discussion.

How would you classify A.B.A., Ramlethal, Noel and Es than? (Ram and Es' stories especially move me and touches a lot as they develop their emotions and humanity, being more human than Ariels and Unomaru could ever be.)

Ram, Noel and Es get treated badly by antagonists as I said and that's despicable in my honest opinion, which is nice that Sin, Ragna and Touya accepted them. Even Sol had to admit he was wrong about Ramlethal, Elphelt and Jack-O' not having real emotions.

Even though A.B.A didn't face such prejudice and considers herself superior, she still is alive like anyone, learning as life goes on.

It may just be me looking on the bright side of things, me wanting to accept people regardless of race/species or just being a brave reckless fool, but that's ultimately how I roll as I like to think that way. Such a thing is even brought up with robots from Mega Man Archie compared to artificial life forms like a certain black hedgehog that Sonic respects.

That's how I'd feel if anything like a Valentine, Homunculus, Prime Field or Embryo Storage. Of they did evil, I'd stand against them, but of they're a good person, I'd be their friend.

It'd be no different from anyone of our own race. I understand if you feel different, but that's how I feel.

Following up on your previous ask (had to take a break from last time):

A.B.A. already states that she is not Human, and that is of no concern to her, mostly because Humans are little more than a trifle in her eyes.

It's not necessarily that she ENTIRELY looks down on Humans, so much that she has beliefs and confidence in herself that trancends that concern.

Fitting in with Humans isn't as important to her as making an impact on existence on her own merits would be, in other words.

Moving right along, we'll mention Ramlethal and Elphelt here… Bedman goes out of his way to state that despite how Ramlethal was raised, she is just a normal human girl. And even Slayer says that Ramlethal was a mere child blessed with unnatural gifts that the world barely has any right to judge. The same could be said of Elphelt.

Also it is not that any of them didn't face prejudice… all of them did, even if it wasn't obvious or apparent.

Humans are very quick to fear what they don't understand… A.B.A. included.

Now, to touch on characters like Es, Noel, and even The Origin… a lot of their story isn't entirely told, but the parts that are tell us that they did what they could to live as Human as they possibly could.

Noel enjoyed living among Humans, even had a family, a mother and a father… and both parents still loved Noel and trusted in her to make the right choices in life.

That's called unconditional love. And it reflects Noel's determination to save everyone around her who suffers from their situations.

All the more reason why Mu-12 felt so betrayed when she fell in to Izanami's trap in Central Fiction's events. It took Ragna himself to rescue her from that fate, and Ragna wasn't even aiming for Mu-12 as his final goal on a list of people he wanted to save!

Of all the distorted feelings they faced, only Ragna truly understood the situation more than anyone else… forgoing his own wishes, forgoing his own feelings, he sought to save everyone, even if it meant denying everyone of their dreams (at first).

Es's situation was bound by an indeterminate possibility, one that she could not foresee until Ragna fulfilled his purpose. It took Ragna and Naoto Kurogane's actions to fix Es's future to a degree as well.

Setting all that aside for a moment, understand that Boundary Contact Mediums weren't INTENDED to be Human at the outset… and yet, because they observed aspects of the Boundary, BECAME HUMAN… whether Humans wanted to admit that or not!

Embryo Storage (ES) was part of that fate… even if she had an artificial beginning… she became Human after all was said and done.

The same was true of Valentines, as well as a certain MERCILESS APOCALYPSE…even Ariels "became" Human!

What makes people Human isn't necessarily their biochemistry, genetics, gender, or their family heritages… it's the fact they develop a Heart, a Will, a Spirit, and a Mind of their own that is meant to be respected and acknowledged.

Perhaps it is true that the previous generation of Humans have a limited understanding of what it MEANS to be Human… but that's true of anyone who hasn't studied the Human Heart or Human Spirit.

You have to make contact with other people to even begin to understand them.

[weather-cluddy]

(Replied as a new post to avoid the character limit)

It doesn't bother me at all! This sort of question is something I've been turning over for quite a while, actually. I tried to make a post pointing out comparisons between non-paired prisoners, because I feel like people focus too much on number pairs without considering other thematic parallels, even with Milgram pointing some out (Eg: Shidou-Amane, Fuuta-Kotoko, Haruka-Muu, Yuno-Kazui). It stalled around Muu though, because it turns out that's a whole lot of entries, and also I wasn't sure that people would be interested in a post that's dozen of paragraphs long (though still much less elaborate than this post, of course).

Personally, I think Mikoto and Haruka have a lot in common and share many themes, but I hardly ever see it brought up. Some of it, I think, is the fact that Haruka's trauma gets a lot of focus while Mikoto's mostly implied, so there's a lot of people who don't look beneath the surface. So they just get slotted in the boxes of "sympathetic" and "unsympathetic", meaning fans miss the similarities even when it's them doing literally the same thing (Like trying to kill Es to protect their self-worth).

But at the end of the day, we have two people extremely afraid yet dependent on other people's opinions of them, whose every interaction is shadowed by the after-effects of their early-childhood trauma in a way that seems "cute" or harmless at first but really isn't, who committed premeditated murder because they saw it as the only way to make their lives bearable, who have artistic inclinations but can't find the self-confidence to pursue them, who are dealing with mental illnesses they have no (healthy) frame of reference for, who are okay with being used and abused (even physically!) so long as people approve of them...

Well, I don't want to drop the entire essay on the intro part. Onto the first section!

(I didn't particularly mean to organize it like that, but the two sections basically came out as Bokukoto- and Orekoto-centered, respectively. Funny how it worked out.)

Children and adults.

What are Haruka's goals? To be loved and cared for, even if it means taking on a subordinate role. To have his weakness acknowledged yet not be shamed for it, to be have his strengths bring joy to those he loves yet not have people ask more of him than he can give.

What are Mikoto's goals? To be a good, responsible, capable person and have people acknowledge him as such. To have his efforts rewarded, even if it means overexerting himself. To find conventional success and prove to those he loves (his mom, in particular) that they needn't worry for him.

In other words, Haruka wants to be a kid, Mikoto wants to be an adult. Haruka wants to be protected, Mikoto wants to be admired.

Why this difference? Well, I see two possiblities. One, Haruka has a golden past to retreat to, a time when he felt loved and safe. Mikoto might not have had that, or he might not remember it: after all, DID forms from trauma very early in childhood, as early as 5 years old and generally no later than 10. And of course dissociation itself tends to make remembering difficult, even before actual alters get involved.

So, Mikoto most likely doesn't remember any 'good old days' he could yearn for, either because he was extremely young or because they never existed. His only option, then, is to place his hopes on the future.

The second thing is that, in spite of Mikoto most likely having earlier trauma, Haruka is far more obvious in his dysfunction. Pretty much every person he meets will at least walk away with the feeling he's kind of weird, if not worse. This only manages to reinforce his feelings that he's inferior to everyone else, and that that's an inescapable part of his being.

Meanwhile, Mikoto can trudge through life well enough to believe that achieving what he wants is within his reach, even to be expected. Surely if he works both hard and smart, he can accomplish his goals without problem. He can get a good career if he just focuses on what he's good at, choosing 'efficiency' over his interests. And he can get everyone to like him, if he just remembers to always, always be nice to them, no matter how much he'd rather not. Then he'll reap the reward of succeeding at life!

That's just how things work, right? You put in the effort to treat others well, and your reward for doing so is to have other people do the same for you. That's the basis of society! And that's also how Mikoto makes himself feel safe. If his own actions determine other people's actions, then he can stop bad things from happening to him by just not doing anything that would invite punishment. Everyone knows monsters only eat the misbehaving kids!  Just follow the rules and everything will be fine.

(That's another big difference between Mikoto and Haruka: Haruka knows he can't do what's expected of him, so by the start of Milgram he's pretty much given up on the idea of ever being accepted or sucessful. Mikoto does believe he can cut it, but that brings its own kind of helplessness: he can never stop striving with all his might, because if he ever does fall short his self-esteem will crumble to pieces.)

The trouble is, sometimes even when you do follow the rules, other people just... refuse to reciprocate. Why is that? Did you do something wrong? Well, you can't exactly go up to them and ask. Now that would certainly be a faux pas! Clearly the only choice is to figure it out yourself by ruminating on it. All night long. Hey, remember when Mikoto said that he wouldn't be able to sleep if Kotoko didn't wish him a happy birthday? Sure sounds like somebody who worries a normal amount about gestures that might possibly be snubs.

But another convo I'd like to bring up is one with Fuuta, where Mikoto shows up unprovoked to tell Fuuta that being upset about being kidnapped is dumb and childish and will get him nowhere in life, and anyways he's just doing it for attention.

This seems a bit OOC, doesn't it? Mikoto basically never criticizes anybody. When Yuno basically calls him fake to his face, he just laughs and calls her a straight shooter. When Haruka said that he's been avoiding Mikoto because he's scary, he just shrugs and goes, that's fair, I'd have done the same. Hell, even knowing that Kotoko tried to beat him half to death, he still goes to congratulate her on her birthday. So what did Fuuta say that was so much worse than all of those?

The problem, really, isn't what Fuuta said or did to Mikoto, but how Fuuta behaves with everyone. Mikoto can put up with being openly disliked; see his interactions with Kotoko. But seeing somebody so brazenly ignore the rules he's based his life around, now that affects him a way that goes beyond Mikoto as a person.

If you asked Mikoto, he'd probably say that it's because he's sad to see somebody younger than him waste his potential with such stupid, meaningless stubborness. But really, it comes back to the fact that "nothing bad will happen as long as you behave" is one of pillar's of Mikoto's life. So how is he supposed to handle seeing somebody misbehave constantly, repeteadly, and still do just as well as him? What's that supposed to mean? Do things not actually work that way? Was he just being taken advantage of? That can't be. If being nice doesn't ensure that you'll get treated well, what does? He endured so much pain because it was supposed to pay off someday. Were all his efforts so far just make-believe, a kid hiding under the blankets thinking it'll do anything?

No, no, no. It's the others who are wrong. All his suffering until now was meaningful and helpful. He knows what he must do and he's not going to stray from the right path. Those who do are just bringing punishment down onto themselves. And while he's not capable of consciously acknowledging his anger, he can always try to share some "friendly advice" about what happens to those who fight against forces greater than themselves. You can't win those battles. He never won, so of course you can't win them. Stop struggling, it's for your own good.

(Amane-Mikoto parallels? In my Haruka-Mikoto parallels post? It's more likely than you think!)

Saviors and weaklings

You might be thinking that the title says it all, really. Haruka is a weakling, Orekoto is a savior, those are opposites, the end.

Well, yes, but it's not quite that simple.

Haruka in the second trial has also taken on a protector role towards Muu. This is a fairly uncontroversial reading, so let's go take a closer look at their similarities:

-Both Haruka and Orekoto put emphasis on Es not scaring/stressing their charge any further.

-In both cases, what they're looking for is acknowledgement from the one they're protecting and a sense of being useful ("Rely on me, praise me with your song, I am your savior")

-Haruka says that Muu is the reason why he can be who he is now. The same could be said for Bokukoto and Orekoto: without the latter, the former would not be able to remain his current self.

-At the same time, the 'saviors' need their charges, just as if not more than the other way around. Haruka's life has revolved around the concept of mothers since basically forever, and we literally don't know a single thing about Orekoto outside of his role. Honestly, considering he only seems to come out during stressful situations, it's possible even he doesn't know who he is outside of being Mikoto's savior.

Even the structures of Metamorphosis of the Weak and John Doe are similar. Consider:

-The interrogation starts with the prisoner being fairly unthreatening. Mikoto is rather nervous at the start, but as soon as Es starts pretending to entertain the idea that he really hasn't committed any murders, he calms down significantly. -The prisoners feel safe thanks to Es' temporary affirmation, but this is soon swept away by Es themselves. Even as the prisoners become more and more obviously distressed, Es presses on dispassionately.

-Eventually, they become totally overwhelmed by emotion and attempt to kill Es. Haruka is stopped by Milgram's rules, Orekoto isn't.

-At this point, a different prisoner makes their appearance, whether physically or just in conversation, and the rest of the drama revolves around them. In John Doe it's of course Kotoko fighting off Mikoto, after which he's literally unconscious for the rest of the VD (except for one line), and instead the remaining time is dedicated to Kotoko and her deal.

For Metamorphosis, it's when Haruka proclaims that Muu is his real mom and starts talking about their relationship. In both cases, there's a clear shift in focus from the OG character themselves to how their actions would affect Milgram overall (Kotoko offering to stop Mikoto if he attacks again, Haruka threatening suicide).

Well, we can probably agree that Haruka is a savior of a sort. But can we close the circle and bring the comparison back around? Is Orekoto also a weakling of a sort?

To answer this, we'll need to define weakness. For this, I'll actually refer not to Haruka's voice drama's, but to Muu's. Namely, this part in Queen B:

"Es: (…) One-sided violence and mistreatment… I’m sure it was difficult to handle. It’s not unreasonable to come to the conclusion that murder is the only way for a weak person to get out of that. That’s exactly why I forgave you." Muu: Yeah… If I hadn’t done that, I could have died some day."

We hear Haruka argue something similar after Es tears him down, asking "So what should I have done!? Was I supposed to give up on myself too!?" So we could say that a weak person is somebody who's trapped by their circumstances, somebody with the deck stacked so far against them that they have no choice but to take extreme measures.

I think that's pretty much how Orekoto views his own situation. Looking at his parts of MeMe, most of the what-if sentences basically come down to "I don't want to do this, but I can't not do it either". We also have lyrics like "It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong" and "Is this selfish?", showing that Orekoto is also full of self-doubt about this being the right thing, but doesn't see any other choice. After all, "Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go".

Like Haruka, nothing he tries seems to work and he's desperately trying to survive in any way he can. Whether this "death" is on a purely emotional level or if, like Muu, it's hinting at suicide ("Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living"), he needs to get away. It doesn't matter anymore if it's "good", so long as it works.

Of course, I'm sure Orekoto wouldn't take well to the idea that he's weak. His breakdown in John Doe was, of course, because of Es pushing Bokukoto, but his rant was almost entirely focused on how weak and pathetic Es was. It seems that in that he resembles Fuuta (who was, after all, the first prisoner to try violence): when he's scared, he tries to intimidate the threat to feel safer.

(Of course, there's something to be said for Haruka also despising his own weakness, even if his reaction to it is to worship others for being different rather than project this hatred onto them.)

(And while we're in the topic of Fuuta, it's worth noting that he's also part of the overall protector theme spanning several characters. He even relates to Haruka and Mikoto directly, in that those two are the ones he picked as "weak" people he needed to look out for)

Muu and Haruka, even before the second trial, they were both weaklings and saviors of the weak (themselves). But this doesn't apply to Mikoto, because the roles are split between the alters. There's a clear separation between the 'good', pitiable, socially acceptable Bokukoto and the 'bad' and violent Orekoto. And you know where else we see something like this? Haruka's MVs.

This is most obvious in Weakness, where the separation is at its starkest, to the point where many people didn't think Haruka's younger self was him at all. Basically, every bad thing in the video is attributed to older Haruka. Li'l Haruka plays happily with his maybe-sister, older Haruka attacks her. Li'l Haruka pets his dog while his mom smiles by his side, until older Haruka bashes its skull in. And of course, in the end older Haruka is so consumed by hatred that he chokes his terrified younger self to death. Not the first time he attacks him(self) either; back at almost the start, older Haruka shoves him into a crayon puddle, with the camera making sure to show kid Haruka's terrified expression and Haruka's cold glare.

(I want to point out the dog scene in particular. Specifically, how the younger Haruka is horrified to find blood on his hands even though he never actually laid hands on the dog. This is quite reminiscent of the scene in MeMe where Mikoto becomes afraid of his reflection's evil expression and falls backwards, only to have the devil card fall on him and corrupt all the water into blood. But an interesting difference is how, while Mikoto not remembering is just a literal retelling of events, the same shouldn't apply to Haruka. And if the girl is the same age in AKAA and in Weakness, suggested by the fact she's dressed the same in both, then she couldn't have been playing with same-age Haruka either.)

In AKAA this divide into a good, young Haruka and a bad, older Haruka is less stark, presumably because after a forgiven verdict Haruka feels less disconnected from his past as a 'good kid'. It's not gone, however. We do see his younger self kill fish and a butterfly, but the harder-hitting murders of the dog (and possibly the girl, it's hard to tell) are left to his 17-years-old self. Not to mention the sequence when his mother opens the door, which is probably the part where Haruka is framed in the most threatening way across the entire MV. That too shows us only the current Haruka, notable because just seconds before it kept switching between the two of them.

At the same time, there's also a disconnect in Weakness between current Haruka and his murders. When we see him killing somebody he actually killed in real life (that is, the girl and the dog), it's followed shortly by him waking up in his bed, framing it all as just a dream. This is very similar to how in MeMe the second scene shows Orekoto killing somebody, with the third starting with Bokukoto gently waking up, completely unaware. There's of course also the line "I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon", which only drives it further home.

Well, I think that wraps up my points. To TL;DR it, some themes to consider are: fixated on past/fixated on future, giving up/trying too hard, dependence on others, wanting to feel useful, black and white thinking re: oneself and viewpoints warped by childhood trauma.

For a bit of extra fun, I'd like to note some shared visual motifs between MeMe, Weakness and All-Knowing and All Agony. There won't be much meaning analysis from me here, so feel free to supply your own.

Music Videos

(Some of the screenshots repeat, that's intentional)

Surrounded by eyes: Most obvious in Weakness, but the Hanged Man in Mikoto's shirt (and less obviously, the Magician) also show something similar.

Water turning into blood: This one is somewhat dificult to show in still screenshots, but it's present in both MeMe, Weakness (when one of Haruka's teardrops fall onto the water) and arguably AKAA as well.

Red skies with a moon visible: Interestingly, this one seems to be associated with younger Haruka in Weakness (most obvious at the very start, when he and older Haruka switch rapidly, with the scene outside the window also changing). There's one very obvious moon in a red sky near the end of MeMe, but there might be another one shown in the Fool card. Lots of Mikoto's cards show circles in the upper corner of the cards (but interestingly in the Hanged Man it's at the bottom, near their head, like an halo). Whether we can consider them all moons is up to speculation, but few of them match the color scheme anyways. Speaking of which, while Weakness almost always uses grey/blue moons with red skies, there are two exceptions: when Haruka is shown killing the dog (blue sky, red moon) and in a piece of official art that shows a red moon on a red sky.

Confusion between indoors and outdoors: If you notice, literally everything in Weakness happens indoors, except for the bits where Haruka is floating in water. Even the forest has floorboards, except for a single scene. The opposite also happens: we see kid Haruka out for a walk with his mom, but they're still inside the house, with the city just being images on the wall. Meanwhile, the mindscape in MeMe shows a ruin (no walls) on an endlessly extending sea and sky (natural-ish settings), but it also reflects the structure of Mikoto's house. So is it inside or outside? Looking at the shoes, both Mikoto and younger Haruka are dressed as though they're outside, but older Haruka is wearing slippers.

Reflections not matching "reality": Note how neither Mikoto nor the coffee table show up in the water in the second image, or how the paintings go from having no reflection to having each other's reflection, with those facing the wrong way. The fourth and fifth images are also an interesting example of the reflections not even matching each other, even though the timing and framing suggest we're still looking at the same scene.

[mugram]

Random thoughts on Keisuke... I don't think I can say much of new information because he's pretty open about everything but I wanted to share.

(also I want to say in advance I'm sorry if I mix up he and they pronouns when talking about both Keisuke and his friend in the text, I get easily confused with English pronouns and also my brain is fried)

It's straightforward that he killed someone for the sake of his friend, but I think his actual victim might be his friend.

"You should have known this wasn't good for them. You should have known this wasn't good for them. They're dead because of you." — x

From the MV it appears his friend was bullied by a group of people, so maybe he killed just one person, like the leader, and the others from the group killed his friend. Keisuke appears to think that his murder is justified and also says that he should have done more. Should have killed more people to make sure that no one is a threat to his friend anymore?

I would also see as a possibility that his friend committed suicide but I don't know what would be their reasons... I will explain why it could be a possibility later in the text but I base it only on Keisuke's feelings.

Also idk but I feel like Es misunderstands Keisuke's murder? Maybe I'm missing something...

Because Es implies that Keisuke killed the teacher who didn't pay attention to what was happening. But I think Keisuke killed the bully, with the way he's putting an emphasis on protecting his friend. Killing a teacher wouldn't do anything, quite the opposite, he'd kill the only means of protection — the authority.

Also both the bully and the friend are referred to with "someone" in the text, but the teacher is referred to as the teacher. And Keisuke kills "someone". (I will bring up the "someone" thing later as well)

His friend and their bullies seem to be classmates while Keisuke is in another class, and he is taking a glance at their classroom several times through the MV. I think this glass vase mentioned here is on the desk of his friend rather than on the bully's.

The flower language of pansies and violas is "thoughtfulness" and "thinking of me ." The flower language is a comparison of the way the flowers, which tend to bloom with their heads downcast, tilt their heads when thinking about something. — x

Although it is not well known, pansies also have the flower language of " Don't leave me alone ." This comes from the fact that pansies are multi -flowering plants that produce multiple flowers on one flower stalk. The flower language of pansies , including " Don't leave me alone, " "Thoughtfulness," "Memories," and "Think of me," all evoke the image of unrequited love for someone. — x

Also more on the "someone" thing:

Someone groans as they hop onto the brick wall, sitting next to Keisuke. "Hey." — the friend

"Hey, is your friend coming to save you?" Someone sneers. — the bully

“STOP– PLEASE!” Someone wheezes and coughs. — the victim. While chronologically it appears to be the moment of Keisuke's direct murder because after that Keisuke drops the weapon, I think it could mean both this and the murder of his friend overlapping.

The "but, please, keep yours" line is especially interesting to me... It's an implication that his friend failed to keep their promise. And Keisuke is very serious about promises. He's very naive in a sense that he thinks the world is a very just place and any contract, promise, rule is going to work.

While I'm here... I don't know how it will go for all the duos but 01-02, 03-04 duos appear to be similar in 01-03 and 02-04 pairing as well. All of them focus on law/rules/contracts. I think that 01-02 theme is law and 03-04 theme is trust which overlap a lot.

01-03 follow the rules, believing that the world is just, and fail to protect someone. 02-04 avoid following the rules, 02 for obvious reasons and 04 is a detective which isn't particularly a lawful work, it's somewhat about finding loopholes in law. 01-03 are kind of naive, trusting themselves to the rules and not preparing themselves for the possibility that the rules can fail them; 02-04 try to appear cynical or skeptical, they're dealing with breaking the law so they might be used to searching for additional means of security and always being on guard.

There's also that the first duo seems to secure themselves with their own power, while the second duo seems to secure themselves with connections, a network of people. Okay not talking too much about duos as this is an ask about Keisuke but I wanted to point it out.

Back to the promise thing. Because his friend failed to keep their promise, I wonder what Keisuke really feels about them now. Like— If they're dead it's hard to call it "betrayal" but... The feeling that the dead person "betrayed" or "abandoned" you is indeed one of the ways of coping with their death that happens in real life so it might be a possibility. Especially when it's a suicide case, anger like "why did you leave" and "why didn't you tell me" etc is very often a first reaction. "Think of me" and "don't leave me alone" pansies... So, this makes me think that his friend might have committed suicide as another option.

But I guess it's fine if you need to leave

Hm???? Now that I think about it maybe his friend was considering suicide in general, with the bullying being one of the factors that made them suicidal. So Keisuke killed their bullies in exchange for a promise that they will stay alive, but they didn't. Keisuke says that he could have done more — like getting rid of the bullies wasn't enough to make them stay.

I think that the lyrics are directed at several people, including his teacher and his friend. At first they appear to be directed only at the teacher, and Keisuke's feeling of betrayal is understandable here: the teacher is ignoring the problem. (However I wonder what kind of promise Keisuke is making to the teacher? Or maybe it's a promise he made to his friend (to stop the bullying), so like, "because you're failing me I'm failing another person"?)

I promised

So, why won't you listen?

Conversation with his friend happens during these lyrics:

Did it not mean anything

To you?

But, I guess it doesn't really matter.

This makes me think that he feels betrayed by his friend as well.

"I promise I'll tell you about it tomorrow." They sigh and lean forward. "What's been going on with you?"

But, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Also in the words that the bullies are saying to his friend, this particular phrase is highlighted... It's formatted the same as the lyrics/Keisuke's thoughts.

"What a disappointment."

More lyrics that appear during Keisuke's conversation with his friend:

I'll trust you just for a little longer

You made me a promise, so I hope it meant something

Also what I find interesting is that at first Keisuke says he's not asking for anything in exchange for his promise.

There's no fee

Just a promise it will happen.

There was never a fee.

However, at the end he asks the other party to keep their promise.

But, please.

Keep yours.

Like, hm... he expected that him being loyal and kind and going for such drastic measures would be enough for the other party to do whatever he wanted them to do for him (I think he wanted them to stay with him, speaking generally, I will mention it a bit later), but they didn't. If the other party is a friend, and a best friend, as Keisuke keeps on repeating in his interrogations, I'm pretty sure he feels that this friendship was broken/betrayed...

There's also that Keisuke's friend appears pretty distrustful of him. They avoid answering questions and give empty promises; Keisuke feels hurt in the lyrics, he's aware of this distrust. I think it's because they don't want to be a burden, but hm... It's like this friendship is not as close as Keisuke believes it to be.

They seem to know each other for a pretty long time, saying that they're graduating soon but they wanted to visit a museum possibly long before graduating. Maybe they used to be closer friends and are now growing distant and this especially hurts Keisuke, he's holding onto them being "best friends" trying to cope that there's no trust in this friendship anymore.

There's also a motif of the upcoming end of sorts...

I know we're going to graduate next year

But I guess it's fine if you need to leave

Like their friendship is going to end soon. But if they were best friends and knew each other for a long time, this friendship wouldn't be easily broken by graduation, right? This is why I think first and foremost Keisuke wanted the friend just to *stay*, he's fearing that the end is near. The question is why the end is near... Could be just because they're growing distant for whatever reasons but idk, can't help seeing more points to the suicide theory perhaps...

For any Wardens interested in theorizing, please take a look at this theory and analysis into Keisuke Izumi!

[scarletlion94]

Hidden Beast - Chapter-by-Chapter Summary (UNDEAD Song Event)

I'm starting to take notes on stories as I read them since I always tend to forget things right after reading lol

So here are my notes and thoughts and things I may have found funny as I read through Hidden Beast in Engstars!

Prologue

UNDEAD is filming a suspense-romance TV drama called "Love and Beast."

Before that, Koga was pissed off because of an offer for a variety show. He thinks doing too many of those will take away from UNDEAD's "cool" image. He mentions he would rather do drama acting if he had to choose something that wasn't live concerts.

Adonis mentions turning down a drama proposal from Scarlet (AKA Anzu/Producer but I'm using my OC name), and Koga flips out.

Rei, Adonis, and Kaoru whisper to each other that they already rejected the variety show proposal and didn't tell Koga and agree to contact Scarlet about the drama proposal.

Love and Beast Notes:

Koga is an Artist. His friend was killed as well as a second person. All of the murders happen at night. They had claw marks on their necks so they call the murderer "The Beast."

The Bloodthirsty Beast

Chapter 1:

UNDEAD is deliberating why the script doesn't have an ending. Rei says it may be so that it doesn't interfere with the acting. For example, if Koga is the Beast his intense acting could make it obvious.

Koga thinks there is no end because of the writers being behind schedule.

They then decide to try and practice together. Koga tries to tell them it's fine to practice alone. Kaoru teases him saying he's just nervous to say the lovey-dovey lines in front of them.

Kaoru then blushes when Rei says Scarlet can read the female protagonist lines during the practice.

Adonis asks if they need to turn the AC up since he thinks Koga and Kaoru blushing are them being too warm from the heat LOL

Love and Beast Notes:

Adonis is a Diplomat, Kaoru is a Club Host, and Rei is a Genius Surgeon

Chapter 2:

UNDEAD is practicing the script, Koga is still having trouble with the romantic "I don't want you to get hurt" line.

Kaoru and Adonis do demonstrations but when Koga tries again he still stutters and gets mad that he can't do it.

Chapter 3:

First day of filming - while Adonis is shooting a part, the other three members talk about who they think the murderer is.

Later, they notice Adonis struggling with the acting. Rei proposes they practice more using Scarlet to help out and suggests Operation Kabe-don.

Chapter 4:

The member's try to practice with Scarlet. Rei does a kabe-don example to Scarlet and Kaoru jokes that it reminded him of the old Rei (Ore Rei). Koga was like nah the old Sakuma was way cooler lol

Adonis is still frustrated that he loses sight of his strengths while acting because he subconsciously knows that it's just a show and not real.

Chapter 5:

During filming, despite the help from Kaoru, Rei, and Koga, Adonis is still struggling. He gets pulled aside by the Director and Koga stays behind to see what he can do to help Adonis, despite Rei and Kaoru's concerns that Adonis may be alone to be discussing film related content such as the Beast.

Koga then sees the Director begin to bow and apologize to Adonis and runs up to ask what's going on when Adonis mentions quitting but says that he can't share the details with Koga.

Chapter 6:

Koga explains to Rei and Kaoru what happened with Adonis and he is clearly frustrated.

Rei says that unfortunately they can't do anything but watch over Adonis because he won't tell them what is troubling him.

As the three of them head to Cinnamon, they see Adonis heading back to ES. Rei suggest maybe he just forgot something, but Koga is mad that the seniors aren't taking this serious and runs after Adonis.

Rei and Kaoru discuss with each other how clear it is that Koga really cares about Adonis with how worried he is awww :3

Chapter 7:

Koga spies on Adonis at ES and sees him meet up with Scarlet. They move to an emergency stairwell and the words and actions make it appear that they are dating.

Koga makes this assumption that they are dating and maybe Adonis is just uncomfortable working with a different actress in the filming that might get in the way of his relationship lol

Koga is spotted and Adonis finally explains to him the situation since Koga has already seen this much. The Director had his budget stolen for another project, and had to borrow a loan with an insanely high interest rate from a shady company. Basically if this drama doesn't do well, his career is over.

Adonis explains that he's having Scarlet help him practice romance scenes because he doesn't want his poor acting to bring everyone down.

The Dark Claw Marks

Chapter 1:

The group gathers at Cinnamon to discuss what Adonis told Koga. Adonis also reveals that his character is the Beast so he has been trying to grasp the deep feelings of the character.

Rei is concerned about the Director's financial situation jeopardizing the entire project so he tasks Kaoru and Koga with continuing to help Adonis practice while he goes to figure out the details of the debt and handle the money situation.

Chapter 2:

Kaoru asks Adonis why the Beast does what he does (meaning the murders). Adonis explains that the character has Dissociative Identity Disorder. He loses himself and becomes the Beast at night time.

While they practice, Rei meets with Madara and gets an investigation report from him. He seems excited to be helping out Rei.

Rei finds out that the lender for the loan is not associated with criminals and actually used to be in the entertainment business. Rei has a rough plan now to put into motion... (Oh boy here he goes XD)

Chapter 3:

Adonis is still practicing but nothing is helping. Kaoru and Koga seem to be at a loss on what else to do to help. Then Rei shows up.

Rei explains that he is going to go with the Director to visit the lender and negotiate the ridiculous interest rate of the loan.

The other members hate this idea and don't want Rei to put himself in any danger like this and that they should go to the police instead.

Rei says the Director would be tied up in investigations if they went to the police which would delay the drama and all the hard work of the staff and Scarlet would go to waste.

Rei then says he wants them all to go with him to the negotiation. He says if Adonis watches a real villain he might learn something to help. Kaoru reluctantly agrees to come with and Koga is pissed and says nothing.

Rei what are you planning? Lol

Chapter 4:

At the entrance to the building that the lender is in, Rei hands the others some self-defense items that he picked up from the warehouse at the filming set. Adonis takes a baton as his choice while Koga picks a knife (not sharp, just props)

They go in to negotiate the illegal interest rate but to no avail. The lender refuses to lower it and guards come in and surround them!

Adonis doesn't like to fight, but if it comes down to protecting his friends, he will do anything.

Chapter 5:

Adonis breaks the baton weapon to try to show off his strength to the guards. Then he flips a billiard table (Omg do the writers know how much those weigh?) Koga is panicking a bit since Adonis has no weapon and the guards aren't running.

Rei then says not to worry. The guards will pull back. Why?

Yep...

Yeppp...

I should have known XD

The scene was all a set up. The guards and lender were all hired by Rei to get Adonis to feel anger.

Rei explains that he and the Director did actually go to negotiate the debt though, and got an extension on it. Since the lender used to be in the entertainment field, Rei and the Director showed him some footage from "Love and Beast" to prove that the drama would be successful.

Anyway, Adonis requests to go film right away so that he can preserve the feeling of anger, but swears to only act that way in acting and never for real.

Epilogue

Chapter 1:

This chapter is pretty much just UNDEAD acting out the final scene of the drama.

Inogari (The Diplomat/Adonis), reveals that the Beast is inside him. The good Inogari chained himself up but the Beast breaks out of the chains with ease in front of the Artist (Koga), and the Detective (the female protagonist).

Chapter 2:

The scene continues. The Surgeon (Rei), and the Club Host (Kaoru) arrive with the police. The Beast takes the Detective as a hostage but grows weak to her voice as if Inogari is battling his inner Beast.

Inogari is arrested and the other three chat with the Detective afterwards on their future plans.

Then it's time for UNDEAD to film the MV!

Chapter 3:

The members reminisce on all the experiences they had while filming. Koga brings up how he thought Adonis was dating Scarlet. Kaoru is like "What!? No one told me about this!!" Aww Kaoru :3

I liked this quote from Adonis so I copied it directly from the game:

Adonis: "FORBIDDEN RAIN: This song tells the story of a forbidden relationship, depicting the pain and sorrow of a man who carries another personality: the Beast. He is struggling with the dormant beast inside. Maybe it's like love, a back-and-forth battle between reason and emotion."

THE END

WAIT THEY NEVER EXPLAINED WHY THE SCRIPT HAD NO ENDING WTF!?

[givemeanaccountalready]

Musings on Deep Cover

So, I was fiddling with my ladies of Milgram post, and uh, I started thinking about Kotoko's diss track.

The lyrics transcribed on the Deep Cover video are:

UNDER Doltish 001 Parasite / UNDER Obscene 002 Slut / UNDER Incessant 004 Phony Queen / UNDER Doomed 005 Dissection Pawn / UNDER Concealing 007 Deceiver / UNDER Inept 011 Guard

My favorite is Ninjastic Cheetah's fan edit on YouTube which has these lines:

UNDER A worthless 01 parasite / UNDER A vulgar 02 slut / UNDER A stubborn 04 perjury / UNDER Unsalvageable 05 dissection / UNDER Lying 07 madman / UNDER Unloved 11 prison guard

Again, I love the psychic damage of "unloved" being Es's insult, but that's not the point I want to discuss before I turn in for the night.

Don't get me wrong. I love the diss track. I really do, but if I were Kotoko, I would have gone for the jugular and called out their insecurities when dropping names to emphasize how little I thought of how their justifications:

UNDER Fatal 001 leech / UNDER Lonely 002 little girl / UNDER Whiny 004 usurper / UNDER Short-sighted 005 savior / UNDER Selfish 7 manipulator / UNDER Misguided 011 pretender

Now, as fun as that was, this wasn't just a little aside. In Kotoko's diss track, she doesn't say anything that couldn't have been picked up from listening to voice dramas (if Kotoko did in fact eavesdrop on all the other prisoners' interrogations) or found within the timeline conversations. In their second trial interrogations, Yuno admits to being a sex worker and having an abortion, while Kazui laments the fact that he's lived his entire life as a liar and states that he should have kept lying for Hinako's sake. Shidou agrees with Es that his murders involved his work as a doctor and hints that pressuring families to donate the organs of their brain-dead loved ones wasn't the only murder he's done. I've kind of said it before when I said "Local man discovers empathy," but I think he pushed patients to undergo risky, new surgeries in hopes that it would treat their conditions, and it was only when his wife and two boys were in the hospital that he realized the terror those families felt when their loved ones went under the knife. Haruka admitted to killing things smaller than him to gain his mother's attention and his unhealthy dependence on approval from his "mother" figures is obvious in the second trial. Muu contradicts herself a lot when defending herself from what she perceives to be abuse and preens under the positive attention Haruka gives her. She does seem to think herself above approach like a queen would. With Es? I think it was Kazui who said it best back during the first trial: the only difference between Es and the prisoners are the roles assigned. Undermining their authority and implying they can't do their job is a surefire way to piss off Es. Why do I bring this up?

I think Kotoko may know less than we and Es do.

Mainly because it hasn’t really been explained how the song extraction device works. We know that it pulls memories from an individual’s subconscious and turns them into a musical number. We know that the in-universe explanation for the time gap between trial songs is that it needs to charge between uses. That’s stuff Jackalope told us back in the Welcome to Milgram video. From the voice dramas, we know the general procedure is that a prisoner is called to the interrogation room, Es arrives late as a power move and then interrogates the prisoner until the bell sounds and we can hear machines or something whirring and clanking in the background. Since it’s an audio, we don’t know what the interrogation room looks like before and after the bell tolls, but there seems to be an implication that the room changes and that the prisoners are belted into the chair. I’m not so sure if the chair is real but the first trial voice dramas have me an implication of the prisoners being restrained in some way.

If I had to guess, I would say that the round, bird cage like room we saw in Undercover and Deep Cover is the interrogation room. That would explain what the circular room on the map is (not the one with the numbered cells, the one opposite of that). Undercover implies that the song extraction device opens up to work, but we’re not told or shown how it pulls memories or how it depicts the music video. Es and the prisoner may very well be “asleep” while this process plays out mentally. Or it is projected somewhere within the interrogation room while the prisoner is “asleep” since none of them seem to remember what happens after the bell rings.

I have a thousand questions on how this device works. The only important one is how are the songs shown to Es, because if Kotoko knew exactly what some of the first trial Innocent prisoners had shown in their videos (namely, Haruka strangling his younger self and clearly bludgeoning something to death with a bloody rock, and Muu stabbing Rei), she most likely would have judged Es’s verdicts as faulty and attacked the prisoners based on how she views the crimes rather than relying on Es's verdict. I say this with confidence, because Kotoko has made it clear that her vigilante actives, both in Milgram and before, are a way for her to inflict punishment that others (namely the justice system) won’t dole out to the guilty. She has no problem with skirting the system to do that.

But, if the songs are only shown to Es and Es alone through some kind of mental link, then Kotoko is forced to take Es’s word on what they (and we, the audience) saw. Deep Cover made it clear that Es's refusal to condemn more prisoners is what ticked Kotoko off, since she sees mercy and compassion as weaknesses to be eliminated. Kotoko actually showed a remarkable amount of restraint when trying to sway Es back to her side. It wasn't until Es stood up to Kotoko that she lost her composure.

It also would partially explain why some say that Deep Cover is Kotoko’s musical version of a resume for the warden position. If there is stuff that Es knows that she isn’t privy to because of their warden position, then she needs to obtain either the warden status or an official deputy position to get that information to further influence how Es votes. If she is proving her worth to Es and Milgram, why wouldn’t her subconscious show her desire to be in control the way Es is?