#if it was between my life and that perm I would happily lay down on the battlefield | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeytae · 5 years ago

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Honey, I’m home.

i’ve been working on this for a couple of days and i’m finally, dare i say, satisfied with how it came out. hopefully this has zero typos but i doubt it.

warnings: smut, fem!reader, nothing kinky, just some wholesome loving sex between Taehyung and his partner. no condom, Taehyung and his partner are committed to each other and of age, please in real life always use a condom!!

word count: 2.6k

You heard the click of the front door closing before you heard his nightly call of, “Honey, I’m home!”.

You giggled at the cliche line, Taehyung’s face spreading into a happy smile at the sound. Turning away from the television to look at your boyfriend, you watched him take his shoes off and place them by the front door.

His long permed hair was hanging down over his forehead into the air, his cute oversized crewneck riding up his tummy as he bent over to place his bag down on the floor. When he stood straight, he made eye contact with you, face still smiling happily as he quickly approached you.

Laying back against the cushions and opening up your arms in an invite, he climbed over you, laying on top of you as he let out a deep sigh. Picking his head up from your chest momentarily, he looked over at the television, opening his mouth to ask what you were watching before he saw Jonathan Van Ness walking into the apartment with a passionate “Yessss, werk”, feeling you giggle underneath him at the sassy remark. He pinched your side, giggling with you at the mans endearing antics on the screen.

You threaded your fingers through his dark locks of hair, him keening at the feeling of your nails scratching soothingly against his scalp.

“How was work, Tae?” you ask.

He lifts his face up from the place he’d buried it between your collarbones, a mere inch from your face.

“It was alright. We worked on that new choreography, I think I’m getting it down finally.”

His reply causes you to nod, assuring him with a genuine, “Of course you are, baby. I knew you would.”

He smiles at that, thankful to have such an amazing support system in his life.

Nuzzling your nose against his, he smiles at the sweet gesture. Placing his lips softly onto yours, you hum in appreciation of his affection. Trailing his hand down from the place it was cupping your jaw to your neck, he lightly caressed the area back and forth with his thumb.

The sweet kiss slowly turned into a more lustful one, Taehyung taking the initiation of swiping his tongue across your bottom lip. Opening your mouth eagerly, your tongues began to massage against each other as you trailed your hand down his back, fingers leaving a light trail of tickles down his spine.

Breaking the seriousness of the moment, he detached his lips from yours and giggled. You giggled back at him, your fingers pushing his hair back behind his ears and away from his face as he looked down at you. Leaning back into his lips, your fingers played with the strands of hair at the nape of his neck, Taehyung practically mewling into your mouth when you dug your fingernails into his scalp.

And that’s when things really escalated.

His hands were greedy. Trailing over every square inch of your body, he tucked your hair behind your ear, massaged your shoulders, softly traced circles into your wrists with his thumbs.

He stood up, squeezed the flesh of your sides, groped your hips, took your thighs in his grip and lifted you up so that your arms were around his neck and your legs were locked around his waist.

He carried you to your shared bedroom, walking the two of you down the hallway slowly and carefully. You were attached at the lips, and he was blinded by not only his closed eyes but also you being so close. Your scent, your aura; it was intoxicating to him.

Approaching the bedroom door, he turned around to push his back against it.

“Mmm, sexy.” His mouth spread into a wide smile at your words, gently laying you down on the mattress as if he’d break you. “Yeah?” he said, placing his elbows on either side of you as he propped himself up above your body. Chest to chest and face to face, he caressed your cheek with his pointer finger.

“Yeah, I like a man on a mission.” You smirked.

His eyes crinkled at your remark, mouth opening up in his classic box-shaped smile when you turned your face to lightly bite at the tip of his finger.

Placing your hands underneath his shirt flat against his back, you caressed the warm skin with your palms. Taehyung’s face softened, humming in appreciation of your gentle touch.

Lightly touching your lips to his, you say a soft, “I love you.”

With pure adoration in his eyes, he whispers “and I love you, angel. So much.”

He places a tender kiss to your chin, trailing his kisses over your jaw line. He begins to suck lightly, bringing soft pink blooms to the surface of your skin, and you grace his ears with your soft sighs and moans. Feeling him stiffen in his jeans against your thigh in reaction to your sounds, you lightly pushed against his chest to get his attention.

Whining out a desperate “I need you, baby.”

Taehyung nodded at your words, feeling just as desperate to get closer to you, too. Breathing heavily as his fingers slid underneath the hem of your top, you sat up a little bit as he prompted you, your move enabling him to slide the shirt off of your head.

Giggling at your messy hair, he swept his nose against yours in a sweet eskimo kiss. Contradicting that innocent action, he slides his hands down and back up your body, massaging your breasts through your bra and sucking on your neck to leave harsh marks as your low moans met his ears.

Sliding his hands under your back, he unclips your bra before tossing it somewhere behind him. He attaches his lips to your right nipple, suckling and nibbling before switching to the left one. Placing your hands on the button of his jeans, you undo the button and unzip them, shoving them down his thighs in a desperate attempt to get them off. Tangling your hands in his hair, you pull, Taehyung sucking in a breath through his teeth at the light sting on his scalp.

“Tae,” you pant, “you have too many clothes on.”

He laughs, but nonetheless aides you in taking his shirt off. Running your hands along his newly exposed abdomen, he hums in content.

He kissed your nose, then your cheek, your other cheek, and your forehead, whispering out an “I love you” with each press to your skin. Nuzzling his nose against your cheek in a loving action, his hands traced along your stomach. Slipping his long fingers underneath the waist of your pants and panties, he pushed them both down eagerly.

His long fingers slid down from your hips to your heat, his middle finger gathering the slick between your folds as you let out a shuddered breath into his mouth, his lips catching yours in a passionate kiss. Gripping his shoulders, he let out low moans as you dug your nails into his skin. Rubbing his pointer finger against your clit, you whined in pleasure, detaching yourself from Taehyung’s lips as your mouth hung open.

As he inserted his pointer and middle finger into your entrance, he groaned at your sudden warmth wrapped around them. He kept his thumb rubbing at your sensitive bud, loving the way you were moaning and writhing underneath him. As you opened your eyes to look at him, you found that he was studying you, looking down at his fingers pumping in and out of you, back to your face to see how you were reacting. His eyebrows were pinched together in concentration; his only mission right now was to make you feel good. His pupils were blown wide open with lust and love. Your cheeks flushing in heat and suddenly feeling your high approaching, you moved your hand to cup his cheek, meeting his eyes.

“You gotta stop now or I’m gonna cum.” you said, Tae breaking into a smirk as he replied cockily, “You sure you don’t wanna cum now? You’re not really giving me any signs you want this to stop, baby.”

And it was true, you weren’t. Your body was completely contradicting your words, entrance clenching around his fingers when he tried to pull them out. Giggling, you lightly hit his shoulder, muttering a “shut up,” as he gently pulls his fingers out. “My body doesn’t like to listen to my brain sometimes.” He laughed in response to your words, nodding in understanding.

Flipping him over on his back, you crawled on top of him, Taehyung feasting his eyes on your completely nude form on top of him. He smirked as your breasts swung in front of his face as you readjusted yourself on his hips.

Scanning your body up and down a couple of times, he makes eye contact with you with a low voice that makes you shiver, “You’re fucking stunning, Baby.”

Shaking your head to dismiss him, he gently cups your jaw in his palm, sitting up to be closer to your face. “You are. The most stunning angel. And I love you.” He presses a sweet kiss onto your lips.

You decide to drop the topic for now, shimmying lower on his body so you could lean down into his neck. Sucking harsh marks into his skin, Tae let out soft sighs and moans of appreciation, loving whenever you marked him up. you sucked all over his neck, all the way over to the sensitive spot underneath his ear. He gripped your hips as you pulled away a bit to breathe, your breath fanning out across the hickey you’d just sucked into his skin and cooling the still wet area.

You moved to get off of Taehyung, him scrambling after you in confusion, eyes wide and almost fearful that he’d done something wrong. Realizing that you were just taking his pants all the way off his legs, he relaxed. You shot him a kind smile, leaning over him as you pressed a sweet chaste kiss to his lips.

“I love you.”

He nodded, thankful for your reassurance and deep understanding of him. You knew him so well; you knew what each and every move he made meant he was thinking. And he loved you for that.

Uttering an “I love you more.” As a smirk lit up his face, you rolled your eyes and smiled back at him.

“Just take your pants off, Tae.” you dismissed him teasingly, his jaw dropping in feigned offense as he dramatically carried on,

“You only want to get in my pants, dont you? Aish, I thought I knew you better than that.” You lightly slapped his chest in response to his teasing, although you giggled at your boyfriends silly antics.

Nevertheless, he slid his pants off, bringing his underwear down with them. With his erection sprung free, you placed yourself atop his thighs, massaging them lightly as he groaned, whining out a desperate,

“Baby girl c’mon, don’t tease me. I didn’t tease y-“

His words got cut off by his choked gasp as you suddenly lowered your mouth onto the head of his length without warning. Swirling your tongue around the angry red tip, you smiled around him as you noticed in your peripheral vision that he was gripping the sheets underneath him to stop himself from screaming at your actions. Taking him in farther, he looked down at you to watch as his length disappeared into your mouth. Throwing his head back against the duvet, he tugged your hair with the fingers that had been clutching onto the tendrils. You released him from your mouth, taking the cue, and he immediately took your hand in his.

He pulled you up so that you were face to face, intertwining your fingers with his as he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. You smiled at each other, content, and in love. Leaning down to catch his intoxicating soft lips again, he met you halfway, crashing his lips to yours and pinching your back in an attempt to make you gasp. You did, just as he knew you would, and he took the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth, swirling around yours in a massaging motion once again.

You reached down below you blindly, running your hand down his chest, his stomach, all the way down his happy trail. Gripping him at his base, he gasped because of the hypersensitivity of his hard muscle. You pulled away from his lips, concentrating on placing your entrance at the mushroom head of him.

He held your hip to support you, and pushing your hips down onto him, you sunk inch by inch down his length. You and him maintained eye contact the entire time, a very intimate moment as you joined together. Taehyung squeezed your hip as you bottomed out, groaning as his eyes rolled back into his head at your sweet warmth tight around him. It made him feel like he was home. He was as close as he possibly could be to you; of course this was home to him.

He watched you, completely fascinated by the hair hanging down around your face, the slight scrunch in your eyes as you adjusted to his size, your lips slightly parted in a blissful expression.

You lifted yourself up, nearly taking his length out completely before sinking back down onto him, taking him in all the way. As you continued the same pattern, your delicious moans filling his ears, he squeezed your hand, taking it in his larger one, feeling his heart seize as he felt you squeeze back, even in your state of being so unaware of anything except for the pleasure you were experiencing.

Taehyung felt your pace slow, you letting out whines of frustration, and he knew you’d tired yourself out. He let go of your hand, instead placing both of his palms on your hip bones as he lifted you up and started thrusting his length into you, burying his face in your neck as he let out low grunts. He moaned as you gyrated your hips against his, palms going around your hips to your ass, squeezing the flesh that bounced on him.

Flipping you over so that he could speed up his pace, he watched as your hair floated around you on the pillow like a halo, taking a mental picture as your mouth popped open, looking positively pornographic as you let out loud moans, fueling him to drill his hips faster into you until you both approached your finish.

Smashing your lips together and trading desperate “i love you so much”s and “god you’re amazing”s, he shot his load into you, trying to catch his breath as he rested his forehead on yours.

His hot ropes of cum coated your walls, you following in suit as you came around him. You felt some of it leaking out of your entrance around Taehyung’s length, him steadily pulling himself out and gathering up the liquid around your folds, softly caressing them before swiftly removing his fingers from the over sensitive area. He crawled to the headboard and laid on his back, reaching over for a tissue from the nightstand to clean you up. Lovingly, he swiped the tissue against your sex, cleaning up the fluids that had gotten on your inner thighs.

Easily pulling your limp body toward his own, he laid your head on his chest, discarding the tissue in the trash bin. You curled your body into his side, lifting your arm to tuck his hair behind his ear. It had fallen into his face in the midst of your escapades; now that it was longer, it’s something you’d become accustomed to. He smiled at you, lifting your arm to his mouth as he pressed tender kisses in the crease of your elbow, eyes sparkling as he looked back at you.

Both of you content in each other’s arms, you began to doze off. Feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest below you, you succumbed to sleep, exhaustion overtaking you.

#taehyung #taehyung imagine #smut #taehyung smut #bts smut #bts writing #taehyung writing

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katefiction · 4 years ago

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by katefiction (Maria) / 2013

All of this was created by myself, other than the Greek myth and the setting of the British Museum. Every item I describe there is true to life.

(Pronunciation key: Ariadne = a-ree-ad-nee)

They say there is a difference between loneliness and being alone. Being alone is a choice, a conscious effort to separate yourself from others. Loneliness, on the other hand is put upon you, often by someone else. It is they who leave you. Whether through death, or boredom, or neglect, they leave you. Try as you might, you have no choice.

Kate contemplated this as she wondered around the Prints and Drawings Department at the British Museum that Thursday afternoon. A few people were scattered around, walking in and out of the room, glancing into the glass cabinets, realising they’d much rather visit the Ancient Egyptian rooms next door.

But Kate loved this room, it was always quiet, a place to go when she wanted to be alone. She looked absently at a watercolour named Love in a tangle. In the painting, a woman with long blonde hair sat on a bench holding a spindle, looking longingly into the distance. It was then that she decided she was both. Both alone and lonely, that is.

She wanted to be here today, by herself, away from the pitying looks and words of her friends and family. But she was lonely, neglected and left by the man she loved, the man who she had given herself to.

‘Beautiful isn’t it?’ a voice beside her interrupted her thoughts. An old woman in her seventies stood beside her wearing a British Museum warden’s uniform, her hair perfectly permed.

‘It’s lovely’, Kate replied, suddenly aware she’d been staring at the painting for the past five minutes. The warden surveyed Kate, a hint of recognition passing briefly over her face.

‘It’s a Greek myth. Do you know the story behind it?’ the old woman asked, clearly in the mood for a chat. Kate shook her head so the woman continued.

‘That there is Ariadne’, she said, pointing a perfectly manicured nail at the woman sitting at the centre of the painting. ‘See that gold spindle she’s holding? That’s the golden thread. Ariadne’s lover, Theseus went out into this labyrinth…’, she pointed at the maze that was behind the woman in the painting, ‘…to kill the Minotaur, or beast if you like. Ariadne gave Theseus the golden thread to tie to the entrance and take with him so he could find his way out again once the beast was dead.’

‘And did he?’ Kate asked, transfixed at the small jewel-like painting.

‘He did’, she replied, happy that Kate seemed interested in the story.

‘And they lived happily ever after?’

‘Not quite’, the old woman chuckled, ‘they ran away together after his victory, but soon enough, Theseus left her.’

‘Oh’ was all Kate could say.

‘Even in Greek myths, men were no good!’ she said, ‘always the woman keeping them on the straight and narrow!’

Kate let out a small giggle of agreement as the old woman moved on through the rooms.

Deciding to explore elsewhere, she too left the room, making her way quickly through the Ancient Egypt rooms which were busy as always. Turning left, she checked each room one by one as she passed until she found the Clock and Watches room, which was mercifully empty.

Stepping into the small space crammed with an array of beautifully ornate time pieces, she let out a relieved breath. Placing her hand on her chest, she felt for her necklace as she always did when she was thinking about him. A gold heart shaped pendant as small as Kate’s little finger nail hung on a delicate gold chain just above her own heart. William had bought it for her for their first Valentine’s day together. They had been walking past a run down antique jewelry shop in St. Andrews when Kate had first noticed it in the window. She had thought William was trying to hurry her past the shop, uninterested, but two months later he presented it to her wrapped in a tissue because he ‘didn’t know how to wrap it.’ She had rarely taken it off since, even now.

The calming ticking sound of the clocks was all Kate could hear until another voice from behind her pulled her out of her memories.

‘Kate?’

She turned to find Thomas Van Straubenzee, William’s closest friend, standing behind her at the entrance to the room.

‘Tom, What are you doing here?!’ she said surprised and embarrassed that he had found her here alone.

‘Just meeting someone for a coffee, thought I’d walk about a bit before he arrives’, he said pecking her on the cheek. ‘How have you been?’

‘Oh you know…’ she said with forced cheerfulness. ‘And you?’

‘Same old…shall we walk and talk?’ Tom held out his arm for Kate to lead the way.

They walked around the room, making small talk, occasionally marveling at the intricacy of the mechanics in the tiny watches, until inevitably the one subject they were avoiding was broached.

’I’m off to the coast with the boys at the weekend’, he said casually.

‘Right’, she said looking at the ground, ‘how’s he doing?’

Tom didn’t need to ask who she was asking after. ‘Good as far as I know’ His usual genial smile was suddenly replaced by a sheepish one.

‘I’m glad’, she replied shortly.

His words had cut into her. She knew it was stupid, yet William being ‘good’ had confirmed her fears. That he was just fine without her.

‘How have things been for you? I know they haven’t exactly been kind’.

The ‘they’ Tom was referring to were the British press. If Kate had assumed they would give her some space after the break up, she was wrong. They had been outside her Chelsea flat and her home in Bucklebury almost every day since. And that was just the paparazzi. From behind their desks, the newspaper journalists had torn her and her family to pieces.

Kate shrugged, ‘I’m used to it now’.

Tom didn’t really believe her, and Kate didn’t really expect him too. But pretending she was ok was all that was keeping her going.

‘If there’s anything I can do…’ he offered. ‘And you know Will would want to know about it if it was getting too much, he can probably get them to lay off for a bit.’

‘I don’t think that would be appropriate’, she said, somewhat patronisingly.

‘He still cares about you Kate, he wouldn’t want to see you suffering’.

‘I’m really not his concern any more’, she said, trying to focus on a small ring in the cabinet that was adorned with a clock face.

Tom had never seen this stubborn side of Kate before. ‘Of course you are.’

Kate forced a tight smile on to her face. ‘I think he’d rather I just…leave him be’

Tom knew William better than most. He and Kate may not be together, but he was sure William would always look out for her.

‘Perhaps just call him…’ Tom suggested, confident in his best friend.

Kate’s patience was wearing. ‘He doesn’t want to know.’

‘But – ‘

‘Tom, I haven’t heard from him in two months. Since the day it ended. Not a phone call, a text, nothing. He’s made it quite clear that my problems are mine to deal with now.’ Kate turned away, her eyes were beginning to sting.

Taken aback, Tom hurried to find an explanation, ‘Maybe he just hasn’t seen the papers, he’s been busy training in Dorset…’

Kate sighed, she’d made that excuse and a hundred more for him in her mind. Hearing Tom say it out loud made her realise how naive she had been.

The reality was, he just hadn’t cared enough to call.

Tom took in the sadness on her face, and decided not to press the issue. ‘I’m sorry Kate, I really am’. He put a hand to her forearm.

‘Thank you’, she said quietly, a lump forming in her throat. ‘It’s just been a struggle.’

Before she could control it, the heat began to rise in her face, releasing in a solitary tear. She brushed it away quickly.

‘Come on, come over her’ Tom lead her to a small alcove in the room where she could compose herself.

‘I’m sorry, this is so stupid’ she said, hastily brushing away more tears that were escaping.

All Tom could think to do was keep his hand on her arm.

‘It’s just he promised me…he promised my parents, that he’d always look after me, no matter what happened, and he …’

She stopped suddenly, shaking her head as if chastising herself. Taking a tissue from her bag, she started to clean up her face.

‘Look, I could speak to him this weekend…’

‘No’ she said forcefully. ‘You can’t tell him about this, not ever’. She looked dead at him. Even shrouded with tears, the intent in her eyes was clear. ‘Promise me.’

Tom wanted to protest, not understanding her request. But now was not the time to argue.

He nodded, ‘ok’.

* * *

The freezing Cornish sea battled against William’s body. Lying on his body board, he pumped his arms against the water, fighting to stay on. As he began to gain momentum, a sweeping wave rushed from the left, launching him off the board and into the sea.

He emerged spluttering and beaten from the water, the taste of salt filing his nose and mouth. Begrudgingly, he grabbed his board and swam to the shore.

Tom was sat on the sand a few yards away wearing a similar black wet suit to William. William, struggling to catch his breath reached behind to the zip at the top of his neck and pulled it down.

‘That last wave nearly tore you a new one’ Tom taunted as William approached, sitting down next to him.

‘At least I’ve been in, how long have you been sitting here again?’, Will retorted.

‘Better view from here mate’, he said, tipping his head towards two female surfers in tight wet suits in the sea.

William watched as they laughed every time they were thrown off their boards.

It took him back to the first time he’d been on a beach holiday with Kate. They way she laughed as they played in the sea together, and the first pangs of protectiveness and jealousy he’d felt when he caught another man looking at her in her bikini.

Realising he was staring at the girls, he turned away guiltily. This didn’t go unnoticed by Tom.

‘You spoken to Kate recently?’, he said with a forced nonchalance.

‘Nope’, Will said shortly, digging his fingers into the wet sand.

‘Maybe you should.’

William frowned and looked out to the sea ahead of him, ‘what for?’

‘Oh you know, just to see how she is.’

‘I’m sure she’s fine.’

‘What if she isn’t?’

William looked over to Tom, he never made eye contact when he was hiding something, ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’

Tom kept his eyes fixed on the surfer girls, ‘I’m just saying, if you haven’t spoken since you broke up, how do you know she’s ok? Maybe you should check … ’

‘How do you know we haven’t spoken since we broke up?’ William’s piercing blue eyes were fixed to the back of Tom’s head, his fingers were forming a fist around the sand.

Tom decided there was no sense in lying.

‘I bumped into her two days ago …’, he paused, but William wasn’t going to speak until he’d told him everything.

Tom didn’t leave out any detail, when he finished they sat silently for a few minutes until Tom thought of something sensible to say.

‘You should call her mate, I know it’s awkward, but – ‘

‘What the hell would you know about it?’ William snapped suddenly.

Tom held his hands up, caught off guard, ‘Alright, relax Will, I was just trying to help.’

He had mistaken William’s silence for regret as he’d told him what Kate had said. He was wrong.

‘You shouldn’t have got involved. SHE shouldn’t have got you involved.’

William slammed the sand in his hand back into the mass, stood up and began to stride back into the sea.

‘What are you gonna do? She told me not to say anything to you!’ Tom called as William walked away.

He frowned and turned back briefly to Tom, ‘I bet she did’, he said, before launching himself back into the thrashing waves.

* * *

Her text message had come out of the blue, ‘Can I come over this weekend? i have some things to pick up.’

‘I’ll be in on Sunday afternoon’, William had replied.

Now William waited at his Clarence House apartment for her to arrive. Eventually the call came from downstairs and he left the door on the latch so she could let herself in.

He heard her before he saw her, quietly pushing the door shut and walking softly to the bedroom where William sat at the edge of the bed.

‘Hi’ she said. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail and she was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and navy blue cotton top.

‘Hi’, William mimicked.

‘How have you been?’, she asked, clutching a small duffel bag in front of her.

‘Alright’, he replied, making no effort to ask her the same.

Kate felt an uncomfortable tug in her chest, she had almost been looking forward to seeing him, but she had sensed from the moment she’d walked in that there was something wrong.

‘Can I just …?’ she said, pointing to the wardrobe where her remaining clothes and jewelry were.

‘Mm hm’, William replied.

She unzipped the bag and placed it on the floor. Opening the wardrobe, she found it in even more of a mess that when she had last seen it. The small area on the rail and one shelf that used to be hers were now overridden with William’s belongings.

Pulling out anything that she could see was hers, she threw them onto the ground and sat on the soft carpet to fold and pack them.

From the corner of her eye, she could see William watching her, but not in a loving, or even a curious way. He was like a hawk about to pounce on his prey.

And then he struck.

‘Did you think I wouldn’t find out?’, he said, his voice low yet angry.

‘Find out what?’

‘Don’t play games with me Kate.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, she insisted.

He surveyed her face, his eyes darting. ‘I’m talking about you deciding to tell Tom the details of out relationship.’

Kate’s face dropped. He had told her he wouldn’t tell William.

‘I told him not to say anything’, she said, almost at a whisper, staring at the dress she was folding as if looking for answers.

‘Because you knew he would’. William’s voice was filled with accusation.

Kate looked up to him again, ‘that’s not true, why on earth would I do that?’

‘To make me look like a heartless arsehole?’ William was smiling, but it was hard and sinister.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, I was upset’, her eyes began to well.

‘Don’t do that, don’t you dare try to manipulate me!’ he said pointing aggressively, straight at her eyes.

Kate forced the tears back. ‘It’s not something I can control.’

William stood up and started pacing the room. ‘You did it to him, now you’re trying it with me. What was it Kate? You thought you’d turn on the waterworks and tell him what a twat I’ve been as some kind of payback?’

His piercing blue eyes burned into her. Kate had seen him angry before, but never at her, and never like this. She sat on the carpet stunned, but refused to look away. She refused to be intimidated.

‘I didn’t plan anything’, she said finally.

William laughed disbelievingly. ‘Of all the people, you decide to tell my best friend. You could have just said nothing. You could have just told me all that yourself instead of me hearing it from someone else!’

‘How? You haven’t exactly been forthcoming, you’ve gone out of your way to avoid having anything to do with me’.

She started stuffing her things hastily into the bag.

‘Oh this “you haven’t called me” crap’, he said, mimicking her voice. ‘Do you realise how hypocritical you sound? I haven’t heard a thing from you either, but it’s one rule for you and another for me, isn’t it?’

Kate stood up, picking her bag up with her. ‘What do you think I’m doing here William?! You think I couldn’t have just had you send my things over to me?’

For the first time William was taken aback. It hadn’t occurred to him that Kate had made this excuse to see him.

Kate walked out of the bedroom.

‘Don’t walk away, we need to talk about this!’ William said, following her into the front room.

‘About what?’, Kate swung back to around to him.

‘I don’t want you telling people our private business, you of all people should know that.’

The tugging feeling in her chest intensified into a rip. She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him what he’d done to her, but she stopped, closing her lips softly.

‘What? What were you going to say?’

Shaking her head, she reached around her neck and grappled at the gold necklace William had given her all those years ago.

Her fumbling fingers couldn’t navigate the delicate clasp, so she pulled until it snapped clean apart.

Her soft eyes met his, ‘I would’ve done anything for you. Anything.’

She held out her closed fist, the necklace curled up inside. When William didn’t move, his hands clasped to his side, she opened her hand, letting it fall to the ground.

* * *

William remained in that spot for what seemed like an eternity after Kate had left the apartment. Head bowed, hands stuck to his sides, he looked at the broken necklace on the floor.

It lay there glinting like a golden thread. Only their thread had been severed, and William stood alone, wondering how he would find his way back out of the labyrinth, and if she’d still be there when he did.

End of Part I.

[Love in a tangle by Edward Burne-Jones]

Part 2

Kate tapped her foot to the rhythm of the jazz band, making gentle clicks on the hardwood floor. Around her, guests were filing into their seats, seeking shelter from the rain outside.

She smoothed her hand across the crisp, white, linen table cloth, attempting to soothe her pounding heart, which she felt was just as audible as her tapping foot.

Her hand reached her place card, knocking it over. ‘Catherine‘, it said in elegant handwriting.

Instinct told her to look at the place card on her right.

‘William‘.

Her heart began to pound harder still. Furtively, she glanced around the room, of the eight guest to be seated at her round table, she was the first one there. Reaching across the table, she pulled along the next two cards, so her friend Olivia was now placed next to her, and Olivia’s boyfriend, John, next along. Stretching over, she placed the card labelled ‘William’ where John’s should be.

Kate tried to squash the annoyance rising in her chest. The bride has organised the seating plan months ago. She wasn’t to know her and William wouldn’t be … well just wouldn’t be.

In her annoyance, she reached for her hair for comfort, wanting to play with it like she always did when she was uncomfortable. But tonight, it wasn’t free and flowing, the way William liked it. She had put it in an elegant up-do, with a piece that fell across her face, ending in a soft wave at her cheek.

Tonight, she didn’t want William to like the way she looked, to notice her at all.

Finally she was joined by the rest of the table. She had traveled down to the wedding from London with Olivia and John, and was grateful for the patience that Olivia had shown her with Kate’s recent somber mood. Olivia gave her a small wink as she sat down next to her.

Only one seat was left free, and as the bride and groom made their entrance to the reception, Kate was hit by a wave of relief and sadness that he might not come.

Two weeks earlier, they had fought. The argument had torn them in two, and Kate had left William’s apartment with a new sense of resolution. No longer did she desperately cling onto the hope that he would come around.

‘You OK?’ Olivia asked kindly, noticing too that William’s seat was empty.

‘Fine’, she nodded.

* * *

Two hours after they’d arrived, Kate sat alone on the table nursing her second piece of wedding cake. The meal and speeches now over, most of the guests had retreated to the bar, or were braving the rain outside for a cigarette while they waited for the room to be cleared into a dance floor.

A chair scraped next to her. She didn’t need to turn around to see who it was. She knew his scent so well, an intoxicating mix of musk and the outdoors.

‘Do you want mine as well?’, he said.

William sat beside her, edging a slice of cake towards her. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Wearing his grey suit and a white shirt with the first few buttons undone, his hand got closer to hers.

‘No thank you’, she said, whipping her hand off the table and on to her lap.

‘Kate, can we talk?’

‘I have nothing to say’ she replied curtly.

‘Well I do’. She could hear the impatience in his voice. He was, after all, speaking to the back of her head.

‘This isn’t the time or the place William’

‘Then let’s go outside.’

‘No.’

‘Kate, don’t be like this, it doesn’t suit you’

‘Forgive me if I’d rather not be yelled at in public’, she said with conviction.

‘I’m not going to … I wasn’t going to’, he said frustrated. ‘Just give me five minutes. Please’.

She turned to look at him. Those eyes that were blazing two weeks ago had softened slightly.

‘Five minutes’, she agreed.

Standing up, her let her lead the way outside, placing a hand on the small of her back as he followed. She shuffled uncomfortably, forcing him to drop it.

Kate led him outside onto the small English garden that complimented the wedding venue, a modest country home. Walking through the garden in the beating rain, they found a small wooden pavilion with a single bench.

‘Go on then’, she said as soon as they’d found shelter, looking anywhere but at William.

He took her in. She looked beautiful tonight. She wore a peach coloured chiffon dress with thin straps and delicate petal like layers that ended above her knee. Her hair was up at the back of her head, giving William a full view of her features in the moonlight.

He rung his hands together, ‘Look I’m sorry about what happened the other week, I probably went to far.’

‘Fine’, she said dismissively.

‘Fine?’

‘What more do you want me to say?’ Her anger began to bubble viciously in her stomach.

‘I don’t know, just talk to me, it was easy enough for you to talk to Tom‘, he said, resentment plaguing his tone.

‘Oh you want to hear what I have to say now, do you?’, she bit down onto the inside of her lip, trying to control herself.

William sighed, ‘Just be honest with me. That day, you wanted to say something and you stopped yourself, what was it?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

She began to walk away, but William grabbed her arm. She snatched it away.

‘Don’t touch me, don’t ever presume you have the right to touch me anymore.’

William took a step back, startled by her aggression. ‘Right’, he said with a small nervous laugh.

It was enough of a laugh for Kate to sense incredulousness, as though he was laughing at her, making her feel immature in her reaction. It was enough for the bubbling to spill to the surface.

‘Do you want to know what I was going to say?’ She said, turning on him. ‘I was going to say that you have ruined my life. That I’d wished I’d never met you, because if I hadn’t, I could be with somebody now who truly loves me, and who keeps their promises, and who would never let me down. I was going to say that I deserve better than you. You; who after all I’ve sacrificed, my ambitions, my privacy, my family’s privacy; can’t even pick up the phone to make sure I’m OK.’

She held her hand over her heart. ‘You have broken my heart William, I physically felt it happen that day. Not because you split up with me, I had known that was coming for months and had accepted it without a fuss. But that day in your apartment, you trampled over six years of friendship. You spoke to me as if six years of trust was nothing, like I was nothing and I hate you for that. I hate you.’

When she stopped speaking, she could feel her heart pounding out of her chest. William didn’t move, didn’t speak. He let her walk away, his worst fears had been confirmed.

* * *

The dancing was in full swing when Kate re-entered the venue, with Olivia being swung around the dance floor by the bride’s uncle. Although she desperately wanted to leave, to be at home curled into a cocoon in her bed, Kate knew she had to wait for Olivia and John for her lift back to London.

Olivia spotted her and rushed over, eager to get away from the uncle.

‘Come dance with me!’ she beamed.

‘No, I’m OK, you go ahead though’, she replied, her voice trembling slightly.

Are you OK babe?’, Olivia’s eyes widened with concern.

‘I’m OK, I just … ‘ She couldn’t say it.

‘Will?’

Kate nodded. ‘It’s a little hot in here, I’ll be at the bar if you need me.’

She left the hall before Olivia could protest and entered the small reception room. Furnished with red velvet sofas and mahogany tables, it also housed the bar.

Sitting on one of the bar stools, red wine in hand, was Tom. Kate propped herself up on the stool next to him.

‘Hello you’, he said, pleased to see her. ‘I’ve hardly seen you all night.’

She smiled and ordered a white wine. ‘I’ve been about.’

Tom looked at her nervously, ‘Kate, I need to apologise about happened, if I’d known Will would react like that, I never would’ve … ‘

Kate took a sip of wine. ‘Now you know why I didn’t want him to find out.’

‘You knew he’d react like that?’

She rolled the glass stem between her palms, watching the bubbles float to the surface. ‘I suspected he might. But it’s not your fault.’

Tom laughed, ‘it feels like it’.

‘At least now I know what he really thinks, that’s one good thing to come out of it.’

‘Ever the optimist’, he teased.

Kate giggled, glad that he’d broken the tension. ‘There is something you can do for me though.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Just … just look after him, won’t you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Will and I, we were like best friends. He might not miss me, but he’ll miss having that person to confide in … until he finds someone new.’

Tom looked at her sympathetically, ‘he’ll be lucky to find someone half as good as you.’

Kate smiled gratefully. She was furious with William, barely standing the thought of looking at him. But still, in that moment, the thought of him with someone else tied her stomach in knots.

* * *

Forty minutes and a glass of wine passed and Kate and Tom decided to return to the hall. Walking back to their table, they found Olivia, John, William and a couple of other friends stood, huddled together, concerned expressions on their faces.

Kate made a beeline for Olivia, ‘what’s happened, are you OK?’

Olivia was close to tears. ‘It’s my grandmother, she’s gotten worse’, she said, clutching her phone. Her grandmother had been in hospital for weeks. ‘The doctor recommends that we come to the hospital as soon as possible.’

Kate held her hand, ‘is there anything I can do?’

‘Thing is, we’re going straight up to York to see her … we weren’t planning on going back to London first.’

Kate understood immediately. ‘Of course, I can get a taxi or find a hotel close by.’

‘A taxi? It’s over an hours drive away. And where will you find a place to stay at this time of night, it’s past midnight.’, she began to panic.

‘Olivia, don’t worry about me, I’ll work it – ‘

‘I’ll take you home’. His deep voice cut her off.

Olivia looked from William to Kate hopefully. William tipped his head to the side, indicating he and Kate should talk away from the group.

She stepped to the side with him as everyone continued to fuss over Olivia.

‘I know you’d rather not, but I’m the only one going back to London, and if it gives Olivia one less thing to worry about … ‘ He noticed the reluctance on her face. ‘I won’t say a word in the car … we can sit in silence if that’s what you want.’

She couldn’t disagree. Frustratingly, she knew he was right. ‘OK’, she said, before adding softly, ‘thank you’.

* * *

After Olivia and John made a swift exit, William and Kate headed to the car park together, the rain still rushing down.

Kate jumped in to the passenger seat of William’s Land Rover as he removed his jacket and placed it on the back seat. The thought of being alone with him made her nervous all of a sudden. She watched him as he took his seat and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

He reached over to the glove compartment in front of Kate, and took out his glasses. As he snapped the compartment door shut, his arm brushed against her leg, sending a tingle up her body. She shifted in her seat.

‘You can put the radio on if you like’, he said as they set off, adjusting his glasses.

‘I don’t mind’, she said, absently pulling at a loose thread on her dress.

They drove in silence, Kate watching the raindrops swimming across the window. William was keeping to his word, not forcing her to speak to him. It wasn’t a comfortable silence, not like the times they would lay in bed together staring at the ceiling, because the unspoken words between them were enough.

As much as she thought she wanted to, she didn’t want her words to hurt him.

‘I don’t hate you’, she said, breaking the silence. William glanced at her but let her continue. ‘I’m sorry I said that’.

‘I wouldn’t blame you if you did’.

‘Well I don’t … I could never … I was just angry’, she wound the thread around her finger.

William took the opportunity while he could, ‘I guess we’ve both said things we don’t mean out of anger. You know that’s all it was when you came over that day?’

Kate sighed deeply. ‘It was more than just anger for you.’

‘No it wasn’t', he said, furrowing his brow.

‘I could see it in your eyes William. The things you said, that I’m manipulative, that I’m trying to make you look bad, you meant it.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Then why did you say it?’, she said, challenging him.

William paused to think as he entered on to the motorway.

‘You know how hard it is for me to trust people, I was angry that you went behind my back like that’, he said, measuring out his words carefully.

‘What was I supposed to do? Just bottle it up? I’m a human being William. You would’ve been the first to know all of that if you hadn’t cut me out of your life.’

‘I was trying to protect you’

Kate turned to him, his eyes were fixed on the road. Her heart skipped a beat as the muscles in him arm contracted as he changed gear. Being in those arms was always one of her favourite places. ‘How?’

‘I wanted to give you a clean break. From me, from the press.’

She laughed sarcastically. ‘That really worked didn’t it?’

‘They would’ve backed off eventually, once they realised we weren’t in contact’.

Kate’s face dropped. ‘So you were planning to never speak to me again? To end our friendship?’

‘Wouldn’t that be easier for you?’, he finally looked at her.

‘Of course not!’, she shook her head disbelievingly. ‘I know I wasn’t happy about you breaking up with me, but I would always be there for you, no matter what.’

Their eyes locked. Their old understanding, their old connection passed momentarily between them.

The rest of their car journey was taken in silence. Both of them attempting to unravel their thoughts. So much so that Kate didn’t notice when William parked up at Clarence House, rather than taking Kate back to her flat.

‘I just need the loo’, William said as he stepped out of the car, taking his jacket with him. ‘You can stay here if you like.’

‘Actually, could I come in for a glass of water?’

William agreed. As they entered his apartment, he went straight to the bathroom as Kate helped herself to a glass, leaning against the counter to drink it. When William returned, he too took a glass from the drainer and filled it with water.

He watched her, drinking it thirstily and placing the glass down again. Agitated with her hair, she began pulling out the bobby pins that held it in place, placing each one on the counter until she was satisfied she got them all. Her hair tumbled around her shoulders.

Just the way he liked it.

He noticed a pin dangling half way down her hair. Without a word, he reached over and gently removed it. He remembered suddenly her warning not to touch her.

‘Sorry’, he mumbled.

‘It’s OK’, she said, her heart thumping. ‘William, can I ask you something?’

He nodded.

The words began to tumble. ‘Did I do something wrong? I know you said you needed space, that things weren’t working like they used to. But was there something I could’ve … should’ve done?’

‘No’, he said simply.

She gazed at him, her eyes penetrating, wanting more.

‘Yes I needed space. We’ve been together most of our adult lives. I have these responsibilities, and having a girlfriend too began to get too much.’

She looked at the ground.

‘You didn’t do anything wrong’, he reassured her. ‘I just needed time to work out what my future was going to look like.’

‘And I wasn’t a part of your future?’, she said sadly.

‘That’s not how it was Kate.’ He needed to be honest. ‘I’ve always known the day would come that you would begin to resent me. That you would think about everything that you’d sacrificed’. He repeated what she’d told him in the garden. ‘Your ambitions, your privacy, your family’s privacy. I always knew one day you would realise that it wasn’t worth all that, that I wasn’t worth it.’

The shock reverberated in her voice. ‘William, I have stood by you for years. Why would you think that I’d suddenly you weren’t worth the hassle?!’

He shifted to lean against the chair behind him. ‘You said it yourself, you knew months ago that this break up was coming. You were getting frustrated at having to work your life around me, and I could feel it.’

‘So you just let me go?’. She tried to blink away the tears.

‘I thought if we both got some space, if you could have your freedom back, and you still wanted to come back to me, then I’d know that I was what you really wanted … that I was good enough to come back to.’

A tear sprung from her eye. ‘What makes you think you’re not good enough for me? I love you William.’

‘Kate, you’re not the only one who hurts’, he took a pause as if deciding to continue. ‘You’re not the only one who feels insecure sometimes. You are beautiful and smart and funny, I had to wonder why you would want to settle for me.’

‘I – ‘. She began to speak but didn’t know what to say.

‘And then you went to Tom and told him what a twat I am, and now tonight, you finally said what I’ve known for years; that you’re too good for me.’

‘That’s not what I said!’

‘Not in so many words, but that’s what you meant when you said you deserve better. I agree with you, you do deserve better, better than me, and better than this life you’d have to lead to be with me.’

He placed a hand to her cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb. ‘Please don’t, I hate seeing you cry.’

‘I don’t want anyone else, and I have settled for you Will. I can cope with the attention and that life, as long as I have you.’

He turned away. ‘I don’t want to ruin your life.’

She stood behind him, placing a hand on his muscular back, his shirt still damp from the rain. ‘I want to spend my life with you. Even when you lose your temper, even when you get stubborn, even when you need time away from me to spend with your friends.’

William turned around to look at her. The conviction in her eyes had never been so strong.

And he knew, at last, that for all the baggage his life would bring to her door, she loved him in spite of them ; and for all his faults, she loved him for them. .

‘I will love you for the rest of my life. If you let me’, he said with more certainty than he’d ever felt.

She had no more words. It was all she could do to hold his gaze. He broke away and started to fumble in his jacket that he’d laid on the kitchen table. ‘I’ve got you something.’ He turned around and handed her a folded piece of tissue.

Kate looked puzzled as she unwrapped it. Inside glinting, was the golden chain, the small heart shaped pendant still attached. She lifted it up and dangled it from her index finger. ‘You fixed it’, she said, inspecting the new clasp.

He lifted his arm and brushed a piece of hair from her face. Kate dropped the chain on the counter. Moving in, his hand slipped around her waist, his body getting closer to hers with every breath. At last his lips met hers, caressing her bottom lip gently, waiting for her to respond. When she did, it was with all the energy she had. Placing a hand flat on his chest and the other at his jaw, she drew her body to his. He imitated her, his hand running through the soft threads in her hair as he kissed her.

Minutes passed, and William pulled away, he wanted to make her his again.

‘Sorry about the tissue, I didn’t know how to wrap it’, a small smirk formed on his face.

Kate laughed. Not merely a giggle, but a real, beaming, full laugh. William couldn’t help but smile more broadly. He had forgotten how good it felt to make her smile.

That smile that she gave only to him, that told him that in the future, whatever labyrinths he’d find himself in, whatever beasts he’d have to fight, she would always be there, patiently waiting to lead him home.

#katefiction #royal fanfiction #cambridge fanfiction #kate middleton

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writerofculture-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Decisions-Chapter 5

1983

Brian walked into the recording studio to see John sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes to adjust to the light.

“You are late.” John accused Brian.

“You are early.” Brian replied, dropping his bag on the ground.

“I never left.” Brian stared at John for a moment. The next thing he knew, John jumped on him, attacking his lips feverously. Brian returned the kiss with equal passion. Hands swarming all over John’s skinny body, under his shirt, under the helm of his jeans.

An hour later, two satiated bodies lay on the couch, as naked as the day they were born. John lay on top of Brian, eyes closed with a dreamy smile on his face.

Brian lightly slapped John’s bare ass, “we got to get up Deaky. Freddie and Roger will be in any minute.”

Without opening his eyes, John rubbed his face on Brian’s chest and made an incomprehensible but adorable noise.

Sighing happily, Brian shook his head but wrapped his arm around John’s small waist. He glanced over at a sheet of music laying on the coffee table.

“I want to break free. Did you write this Deaky?” Brian asked while trying to hum to the melody, “it’s really good.”

John nodded against Brian’s chest, “I wasn’t only pinning over you last night.”

“But you were.” Brian chuckled, “I have fallen in love for the first time and this time I know it’s for real…I can’t get over the way you love me like you do…I can’t get use to living without you by my side… I don’t want to live alone…Deaky, it’s about me, isn’t it?” Brian laughed while rubbing John’s permed hair.

“Stop it, you self-centered twat.” John slapped Brian’s chest and pinched his nipple, causing Brian to hiss in his laughter.

Brian lifted John’s chin to look at his clear green eyes, “are you serious Deaky? Do you want to break free?”

John avoided Brian’s gaze and laid his head back at the crook of Brian’s neck, but Brian could clearly feel his nod. Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, lowered his lips to kiss John’s hairline. “Me too, Deaky. Me too.”

“Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to have John and Veronica here for dinner when Louisa is starting to get sick?” Brian asked his wife while trying to put his fussy baby daughter back to sleep.

“Well, I saw Veronica in the mall the other day and we talked about how we never have time to get together anymore. So I invited them for dinner. How would I know Louisa would be getting sick. I know you see John all the time, but I haven’t seen them in ages.” Brian choose to ignore Chrissie’s emphasis on ‘all the time’.

The doorbell rang and Brian answered. He gave Veronica a hug and peck on the cheek. When he grabbed John’s extended hand, he can’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. It was just early this morning they were rolling around between the sheets, gloriously naked. Now they can do nothing but shaking hands and patting on the back.

“Long time no see.” John smiled at him.

They were supposed to be down at the cellar looking for more wine, but all Brian could do was staring at John’s behind as he bent over to go through the bottles. Brian grabbed John’s waist from behind, grinding himself against John and biting the smaller man’s neck.

“I hate seeing you with her.” Brian hissed, “I want you to be mine.”

John turned and threw his arms around Brian’s neck, pressing his lips to Brian’s. “I am yours.” He mumbled between the kisses.

When they were finally able to make upstairs, Chrissie greeted them with raised eyebrows. “You two certainly too your time.”

“Finding the perfect wine takes patience dear.” Brian apologetically kissed his wife on the forehead while Veronica noticed a hickey on the side of John’s neck that she swore wasn’t there before.

“Jim, I was wondering,” Chrissie was grasping the phone tightly with her fingers, as if she wanted to leave permanent prints. “If I can ask you to let Brian leave for this coming weekend. You see, we really have to go visit my parents in Liverpool…”

“Oh,” her shoulders slacked upon hearing the reply, “you say they have only been recording two days a week. So Brian should be have the weekend free. Thanks, Jim. That’s great to hear.”

Chrissie let the phone slip from her fingers onto the floor. Just hours ago, Brian had told her something otherwise.

Inside a small dingy motel room close to Oxford, the moonlight shone from the window to the two sweaty, breathless bodies laying on bed. John snuggled up to Brian in a fetal position, hands tucked under his chin. Brain thinks John does not look a day older than when they first met.

“Penny for your thought?” Brian asked after pecking the John’s ear lobe.

John sighed, “I’m tired of this charade. I only want to be with you. Can’t we just go away?”

Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man’s body, and rocked them back and forth.

“This is fuckin ridiculous.” John swore under his breath, forgetting he was not alone.

“I have to agree with you on that, Johnnie.” His grandfather smiled.

1988

“Guys, can I have a minute.” Freddie asked in a serious tone that is usual for him. It was the end of another day at the recording studio and just the 4 bandmates were tiding up their work getting ready to leave.

“What’s up Fred?” Roger asked while the other two looked up expectantly.

“I want you guys to be the first to know. I have got it.” Freddie said calmly.

“Got what?” Brian was confused at first. Then as if a light bulb stroke on. “Oh shit.” He blurted out.

Freddie nodded. “Yes, I have got AIDs.”

“Oh my gosh, Freddie I’m so sorry.” John covered his mouth in shock.

“Stop Deaky.” Freddie waved his hand at John. “Please, all of you. I don’t have time to grieve, cry, be their gay poster boy or cautionary tale. So if you bore me with your sympathy, I will have to kick you out. With all the time I have left, however long that may be, all I want to do is to make music. And needless to say, this is just between us for now.”

All three men nodded while wiping tears with the backs of their hands. They unanimously gathered together beside Freddie for a messy group hug.

Brian gave Freddie a tight squeeze on the shoulder. “Freddie, from now on we go back to how we were in the early days. We just focus on making music, nothing else. All the songs, doesn’t matter who wrote it, credit goes to Queen. All royalty, split 4 ways, evenly.”

Roger nodded in agreement. “Yes Freddie, you are a legend.”

Freddie patted Roger’s cheek lovingly. “We are all legends, dear.” He turned to John, who was still working hard to control his sobs. Freddie grabbed him in a hug, “Deaky darling. Please stop crying like a little girl. I am will be alright.”

“What’s AIDs?” John asked his grandpa.

His grandpa sighed, “it’s a deadly virus that is transmitted by bodily fluid. It started in the early 1980s. For about 10 years, there was almost no treatment and diagnosis meant death sentence.”

“Oh my god, so Freddie died so young?” Watching his future self crying in Freddie’s arms, John felt tears well up in his own eyes.

No matter how much Freddie tried to calm them, the news still came as a major shock to Brian, Roger and John. Long after Freddie left, they still sat there in the studio, unable to move.

“I still can’t believe it. He doesn’t appear to be sick at all.” Roger sighed. “Maybe tomorrow I will realize this is a drunken nightmare.”

Brian slapped Roger on the arm causing him to cuss, “ouch, bastard. Why do you do that for?”

“Did that hurt Roger? Unfortunately, this is very real. You are sober for once.” Brian said sarcastically.

“Well, that’s too bad. I guess it’s time to get drunk.” Roger grabbed his jacket. Before he walked out of the door, he turned to Brian and asked. “Brian, did Chrissie kick you out for good? Did you find a place to stay yet?”

Brian shrugged his shoulders, “I will find a hotel. Or I will just sleep here.” Brian patted the couch.

“You can stay with me you know.” John offered quietly.

“Thanks, but no thanks. Deaky. Your domestic bliss with your family is the last thing I want to see right now.” Brian rubbed his temples.

“Well, I would offer you my place. But my living situation right now is less than ideal.” Roger chuckled.

Brian rolled his eyes at the drummer, “yes, Rog, everyone and their mother knows about your love affairs.”

After Roger left, Brian turned to John and held out his hand. “Deaky, come here?”

John did not need to be asked twice. He snuggled up to Brian on the couch and leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder while the taller man wrapped an arm around John.

“How are you feeling?” John squeezed Brian’s other hand.

Brian closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on John’s head. “I have been better.”

They sat in comfortable silence, leaning onto one another, enjoying each other’s scent.

It was Brian who broke the silence. “Everything has been shitty lately. Chrissie divorces me. My Dad is sick, and now Freddie has AIDs.” Brian sighed. “At least you are still with me.” He pecked the smaller man’s forehead.

“I love you Brian. I will always be with you, as long as you will have me.” John intertwined his slender fingers with Brian’s.

Brian locked their hands together. “Deaky, have you ever thought, just maybe, you can just leave it all and really be with me?”

John looked up to Brian, “what do you mean Brian?”

“It’s Freddie, Deaky. It could have been me. It could have been you. It could have been anyone, but it happens to be Freddie. We always said wait, wait until we are less busy, wait for a more appropriate time. Wait for the kids to get older. But like Freddie said, maybe one day, we suddenly realize we don’t have all the time in the world to wait. What happens then? Do you really want to spend your whole life lying and pretending?”

“Brian,” John gently kissed the corner of Brian’s lips and continued. “I understand what you are saying. I do not want to spend my whole life in lies and guilt. But for now, don’t you think we should leave it and just focus on helping Freddie to make music? Making sure Freddie can be as productive as he wants in the time he has left, however long that may be.”

Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, “you are right Deaky.”

#queen band #Brian May #John Deacon #breaky #freddie mercury #roger taylor

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