#if it feels incomplete it's bcs all my strengths left my body as i was drawing it n had to invent the whole new modern AU

[caemidraws]

Oath/breaking

[idontreadheartbeats]

Day 7: Rec List Saturday

AMVs:

“Faded” by gracieon.

I just love the giffed cuts above, and the song + dialogue clips give me so many feels.

“Sorry” by Fandom.com

I’ve been listening to this one a lot while writing my longfic Lightning Sun. The song by Halsey dives into the psychology of someone who fundamentally believes they don’t deserve love and/or doesn’t understand or believe how other people could love them. I think with all her abandonment issues, Katara would probably vibe with this.

“Easier” by TeamHodgins

Another one for the longfic feels. At the beginning of Lightning Sun, Zuko is in prolonged recovery from Azula’s strike, thus the lyrics, “I’m stuck, I’m stuck, I’m stuck here in my skin.”

The story is told mostly through the pov of Katara, who’s on a journey of self-discovery to understand her own issues with abandonment and what they mean for her feelings towards Zuko; hence, “Tell me it gets easier, tell me it gets easier, tell me it gets easier, that I’ll figure it out.”

“I’d let you win” by quinn darley

Pretty self-explanatory for Zuko. “I’d let you in. I’d let you win my heart again.”

“killing me to love you” by exhalence

Not listening to it much recently. Real longfic vibes, especially with these lyrics:

I want to keep faith, but you're making it harder (but it’s killing me to love you)

I’m reaching out now, but you’re pulling me under (but it’s killing me to love you)

I give you my heart just to watch you waste it (but it’s killing me to love you)

And I can’t let go when you still need saving (but it’s killing me to love you)

In case you couldn’t tell, Lightning Sun is gonna be a slow-burn angst fic with a bittersweet ending. Sorry not sorry 😬👀

“you’re my home” by [17’s] kelly

Like previous entry, not listening to it as much recently but still lovely ❤️

“into you” by mavensinclair

Recent discovery. Makes me soft 🥺

Fanfics:

Before moving onto the fic recs, I just wanna make a quick note about my preferences. Most of the following will be rated M or above. I’ve been an honest-to-God adult for a few years now, so I like fics that deal with more mature themes and adult problems.

I’m also a slut for angst. You will find very little fluff ahead (though some of these have their moments). Proceed accordingly. And not to be a hipster about Zutara fic, but there are definitely some out there that don’t get enough love, namely my top three (listed in order).

What makes a fic really stand out for me? It’s pretty simple actually. It has to be something that’s a little different, a little off-the-wall, with vivid worldbuilding. But MOST importantly, it has to make me deeply feel something. If a scene sticks in my head even months afterwards due to a combination of vivid sensory detail and visceral emotional reactions, that fic will be on this list.

Two Worlds Collide by mangx3

My co-captain @antarcticasx​ and I welcome you aboard the TWC Supremacy. Fear not; though the voyage may at first prove daunting and ill-fated, rest assured that you’re in for an emotionally satisfying journey that promises to rip your heart out in all the best ways.

No, but seriously, this fic is so much better than it has any right to be. I will admit, the frame structure of the tale is not to my taste, and some plot points in the first act may seem contrived. But my god, do you go on a journey with this fic. Bc it was written over the course of four years, you actually get to witness mangx3 improve as a writer. By the end, the storytelling is 💋👌🏻 And if that’s not enough for you, at one point, Zuko refers to Katara—in her absence, mind—as both “my heart” and “my life.” I just... I die 💀

Each Other by jennibare

Aang is dead + the aftermath fic. The story is well balanced between both Zutara and the steambabies.

Love Thy Enemy by RedNovember

Kind of a soulmate au. Worldbuilding is top-notch. And the climax in the third act? My god, the imagery, the emotion, just... 😭

Rumour Has It by @fictionissocialinquiry

BluePaint bible. Constantly torn between wanting to read more Blue Spirit/Painted Lady fic and knowing that none will ever compare. (I say this as someone with a BluePaint outline in the works.) This is also like my go-to re-read, though I usually stop around chapter 73 bc of that scene *fans self* and also I can’t put myself through the partial heartbreak of the ending again. Waiting to start the sequel once it’s complete.

Strength by tini243

Fair warning: this fic is incomplete and abandoned. HOWEVER, it follows the story through most of the second act, so I still left feeling satisfied. It’s a soulmate au that ends with casually married Zutara revealing their relationship to the gaang, and there’s just something so delicious about that drama.

Hopeless by @zutaradreams

The structure of this story is so unique in the way it’s sandwiched between a prologue and epilogue told from a side character pov. Plus, it’s told out of order which makes it fun to put the pieces together. Zutara build a life in Ba Sing Se when all hell breaks loose. Also, steambaby! Another go-to re-read.

Gods & Monsters by wannabewonderbender (wannabend)

If you want BAMF Katara, this is the BAMF Katara fic. Ending is a little abrupt, but I enjoyed it all the same.

The Things We Hide by Lykegenia

The worldbuilding in this au is amazing. More BAMF Katara. And no spoilers, but the ending is exactly what I would want for Ursa.

The Fifth Column by chromeknickers

Be warned: this one is dark, with incredibly dubious consent. The final showdown kinda drags on a bit, but the worldbuilding is great. Ending sets up a sequel that’s never been started, so if that bothers you, probably avoid.

WIPs:

Our Desires series by @laadychat

With each update, Sab never fails to make me feel like I’mma spontaneously combustionbend. Absolutely adore ❤️

Smoke & Mirrors by @nellasera

Blutara that leads to capture!fic trope; or, everything I’m a slut for. Dying for the next update 😭😭😭

Those Who Do Not Learn... Are Doomed to Repeat by @homeagainrose

Time-travel established relationship/married Zutara in teenage bodies. Honestly, what more could you possibly want? Also dying for update.

[brehacrgana]

just watched TROS and i have NO WORDS... (except i also have many). what was that

at about half of the movie one guy stood up, put on his jacket and left...I don’t think he was wrong

spoilers below (the bad and the good - however little that might be). please come to talk if you’ve seen the movie

first of all...WHAT THE FUCK. what the fuck...i sat through the movie and i had to laugh at times because whatever was happening was so absurd shit i couldn’t even imagine. at other times i just sat with my mouth open and could not believe they really went there...it was that bad. how in the world is this the end of star wars

the way the movie started... in the title sequence...”THE DEAD SPEAK” lol. palpantine’s return or whatever shit announced immediatly (which i didn’t expect would happen); then the first scene of kylo ren in slo-mo killing some random people (literally who was that) in some woods and then finding palpantine’s cave or something where palps told him “hurr hurr i created snoke...i was every voice in your head...kill the girl” - sir how are you even alive. i literally don’t remember if this was explained in the movie and i don’t think so

rey - jesus christ. girl. i don’t know what they did to her character. but anyway. in the beginning of the movie leia did some jedi training with rey and i loved that...especially when rey adressed leia with “master”! but in the start of that scene rey was flying in the air while doing some meditation and that was absurd imo / i laughed lol. then kylo ren showed up because of that force bond shit and rey messed up her training which sucked

nice scene: finn and poe returning from some mission and meeting/reuniting with rey on the rebellion’s home base - rey and poe bickered a bit, rey and finn hugged...i liked that

rey finn and poe and chewie went to a desert planet where some party was going on. nice scene: rey talked to an alien being there and it was a cute, nice interaction that would have been heartwarming

lando shows up, points them to some cave, where a big snake or something was which had an injury lol...rey gave it some life power through the force  and healed it. LOL: foreshadowing...

kylo ren and the knights of ren (lol who are they even) show up on that planet. while the others try to make a ship ready to leave, rey (why...) goes and stands in the middle of the desert waiting for kyle ron to show up or whatever. he does of course and races at her with his ship, she does that jump from the trailer and cuts his ship in half. it crashes and explodes. no, kylo somehow doesn’t die from that. meanwhile poe and finn told chewie to get rey bc they have to leave (knights of ren approaching), but while rey is busy doing whatever the fuck that was, chewie gets captured by some stormtroopers and is led on their transport ship. it takes off. finn screams to rey “they have chewie” and rey uses the force to try and drag that ship back to the ground...kylo emerges and also uses the force on that ship, and they have a force battle until rey does palpantine style force lightning on that ship. it completely explodes. everyone thinks chewie is dead. i was really horrified, not gonna lie, like rey...

but lol. SOMEHOW chewie was on another transport ship (lol???? where was that) and is alive after all. they go to rescue him. while they fly to the stardestroyer where chewie is being kept prisoner, rey says that “yada yada people say they know me but nobody does” to finn and it is awful... arrived on the star destroyer, finn and poe want to free chewie, while rey fucks off to do her own thing and go to kylo’s quarters. force bond kylo appears, they fight blabla, he tells her...

“oh you wanted to take my hand, i kNoW YoU you’re a palpatine, he was your grandfather” ................................................ i read the spoilers so i knew this was gonna come, but seriously???? what a crack fucking theory. REY PALPANTINE!  I QUIT!!!

flashback to rey’s parents who look like nice people who tried to protect her by leaving her on jakku. palps killed them after they didn’t tell him where rey was

meanwhile finn poe and chewie are captured, stormtrooppers are going to execute them. then hux steps in hilariously, kills the stormtroopers, and is like “i’m the spy for the rebellion.” i laughed

who is zorii...or whatever her name was.

the trio gang goes to that planet where the remains of the death star are...they meet a group of horse riders, one of them jannah. i loved her! i really did. she was one of the bright spots for me in that shitshow. her and finn talk, she also used to be a stormtrooper and has the same story as finn

also Finn was shown very clearly to be force sensitive! loved that

rey does another solo trip and goes to the remains of the death star...where she meets dark!rey which was hilarious and absurd. they fight and at one point dark!rey hissed and bared her teeth at rey - i actually scream laughed

well then kylo ron came to that planet, the water fight scene happened, and actually rey fucking killed him!!! he died! cut to leia. she says “ben” and then somehow just actually dies too. seriously. just like that. FROM WHAT???

anyway rey feels that leia has died and lol idk she’s like oh know and resurrects kylo with the force. yeah. lol. she’s then like “yeah i did want to take your hand...ben’s hand” and cries and leaves

really...who is ben. why do you care. what

on the rebellion base people are gathered around leia’s dead body and i don’t remember her name, but lupita nyongos character say “farewell, dear princess” and that almost made me cry

back to kylo. he’s looking at the ocean in contemplation. suddenly a voice behind him says “hey, kid”. he turns around and it’s han fucking solo. LOL

they basically play out the same scene as in tfa just before kylo killed han except this time he doesn’t. han says kylo ron died and kylo yeets his lightsaber into the water.

ok, another hilarious absurd scene: rey goes to luke’s exile planet and sets kylo’s ship (which she took to fly there) on fire. she’s throwing the lightsaber in the flames but oh! a hand yeets out of the flames! it’s force ghost luke who caught the saber and is like oh you should be more careful with a jedi’s weapon.

luke then shows her LEIA’S LIGHTSABER and there’s a flashback scene of LEIA AND LUKE DOING JEDI TRAINING !!!! a good part of the movie

rey takes both lightsabers and flies to palpantine’s planet. she meets him in his cave. palps does he’s usual unimaginable power shit...”i want you to kill me...then my soul will go over to you and all the siths that have ever been will live in you”. whatever

“ben” also shows up of course, he kills the kights of ren with the lightsaber that was magically teleported to him by rey i guess

rey and “ben” face palps together. he is like oh your bond is so strong, let me take all your energy...very reminiscent of dementor’s in harry potter movies sucking out their souls lol. they drop to the ground, unconscious. palps lifts “ben” up and yeets him into a big abyss.

there was a nice scene in between of poe grieving for leia and saying he doesn’t know what to do/how they can make it, but then lando shows up and they talk about how lando and the old trio back in the day didn’t know how to make it either, but they still tried etc. and made it

ok another nice scene: while palps is doing super force lightning to destroy the rebel fleet or whatever, rey is on the ground gatherig strength and she hears the voices of old jedi masters...obi wan! anakin i’m pretty sure also!

then there’s a nice shot of her standing up and facing the emperor with lightsaber in hand.

she kills him, but dies doing it.

but wait lol...”ben” somehow crawls back out of that abyss to cry over her dead body. he also revives her with force power. they look at each other sappily and kiss.......no words. they fucking really went there

actually when that happened the people in the cinema made a lot of sounds, some said ew lmao others just laughed

then “ben” dies for good lol. people scream laughed

in the end there was a nice rebellion victory celebration scene, i always like scenes like that

rey goes to tattoine and buries the lightsabers of luke and leia who show up via force ghost. somehow rey then has a yellow lightsaber in her hand. some old woman comes along and asks who are you? rey says...i’m rey.....skywalker and then watches the sunset. the end.

in spoilers i read it was said that rey says she feels incomplete without kylo and goes to live on tattoine alone for the rest of her life. maybe i blacked out and didn’t get that, but i did not see it. it did not happen, right?

when the movie ended some people in the cinema actually started clapping.

lol. i don’t know what that was...yeah it had some good moments, but it really was the worts star wars movie of all times for me. it was wild and absurd and stupid as fuck and i am so, so disappointed. TFA i loved, there was so much potential there...but then tlj happened and somehow tros eneded up even worse than that. i don’t know what the worst part for me was, rey palpantine, leia’s death in that manner, reylo... it was a mess. it actually makes me really sad. bye felicia

[kyuala]

monsta x in são paulo (19.07.19)

hey y'all this post is to tell my experience during my concert and hi touch event of the we are here world tour last friday night 🤩 so buckle up bc its a LONG ONE but i divided it into categories so u dont have to read everything if u dont want to!

the concert in general: ok so the concert was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. there were about 7 songs i didn’t really listen to a lot or liked before the concert but even those were amazing and had me jumping and screaming and going crazy. they’re all SO much more beautiful irl which is like !!!!!!!!! HOW. and they’re so so SO talented all the choreos were incredible and their voices!!! sound even better irl. hyungwon asked minhyuk to sing a little bit of play it cool acapella for us and his voice 😭😭😭 so sweet it’s like honey. they brought hero back to life which was. an experience to see live tbh. i got to the venue line at 9:30am (10.5 hours before the concert) and i was about maybe 15? rows away from the stage (bc i had to go pee real quick as soon as they let us inside) but im like 158cm (5'2) tall so even tho i was standing on this little protection thingy to be taller i still couldn’t see them that well :( i dont think i saw any choreos in full bc of that but it was still amazing to see them do it irl. they all introduced themselves in portuguese during the first ment it was super 🤩 adorable! most of them only said “oi, eu sou ___” (“hi, i am ___”) but some of them had longer phrases prepared (maybe kh, jh and ck? i believe) which was so awesome to see!! during the second ment, hw talked about how some of their songs were composed by their own members and he did that to introduce “our maknae’s song” (aka mohae) and my soul left my body. after jealousy there was the first vcr which was like a youtuber au vcr and it was so!!!!! cute hyungwon, minhyuk and wonho giving us styling, skincare and exercising tips respectively, jooheon making a burrito he named "honey-to", kihyun and kyun teaching us how to make coffee and how to speak english resp and of course nunu's famous asmr mukbang 🥰🥰🥰 it was honestly superrrrr cute and funny i remember hyungwon trying to spell a word in english and just going "..........ne" after the first two letters and then kyun snickering skejdkksdk and jooheon making fun of ck for something and ck laughing the fakest laugh i ever seen in my life lmao and i also remember ki telling us to be careful about a lot of things but most of all our hearts bc he's gonna steal them 😷🤒🤕 but yes i loved it it was v cute and v funny and i loved how they were all interacting with each other even tho it was separate videos. after the unit stages, hyungwon revealed that joo had actually changed up his routine for a more samba-like beat specially for brazil 🥺 he confirmed that and we went INSANE and started showing them our own beat (a classic carioca funk "tchu tcha tcha tchu tchu tcha" that we fo with our mouths/words) and at first they were all like ??????? but then they LOVED IT and joined in on the fun. mh and kh were dancing to it the most and it was so funny. hyungwon or minhyuk then asked jooheon if he could incorporate our beat into his beatboxing and he said it was possible and then we were all just going TCHU TCHA TCHA TCHU TCHU TCHA while he was beatboxing along and he said it was difficult skdjkekddk around five or six different times they told us to take steps back and step a little bit away from each other so we wouldn't hurt ourselves or feel ill (hyungwon did it the most, he actually spotted a girl nearly fainting in the front rows and brought staff's attention to her and he only stopped talking about it/got more relaxed when they did something about it). during this same ment they talked about sn's and wh's different choice of clothing for their unit stage and said it was more daring and sexy and shownu said that kihyun actually chose those clothes for them lmao and ki said he chose them bc he knew us brazilian mbbs would love it and we were like wow. They Know we're whores love that. then someone was like "u chose that?? ur kinda conservative tho????" and ki said he's been "open-minded since birth" KDJSKFKDK rip conservative brothers but the way the lady translated it accidentally kinda made it sound that he was like. open for romantic/sexual advances and we were all like 👀👀👀 OKAY. oh also sometime during the concert one of them slipped and nearly fell doing something stupid (i think wonho or changkyun) skndkskdk the second vcr was the seven deadly sins themed and wow. the PRODUCTION. the absolute ARTISTRY of it all. wheres their oscar. it was honestly super cool but minhyuk was the only member that hadn't appeared yet and the only sin left was lust so we were all like 👁️😏 but then it said AGONY. ????????? it was kinda confusing but amazing nonetheless kyun wanted to shoot hyungwon but then he didnt bc the underlying message was that they all committed sins and blamed themselves but managed to find forgiveness by being together aw <3 a random moment that i dont remember when it happened was when kyun was speaking portuguese to us and he was trying to say "vocês querem curtir?" (which is something like "do you want to have fun?") but he messed it up a bit and accidentally said "vocês querem cu...?" which means "do you want asshole?" and we were all like BOY DKEJDKEJDIDKFKS i dont think he knows what it actually means but he corrected himself real quick and moved on to the next song 💀 for the second to last ment they tried to convince us the concert was ending (lmao) and there was only one song left, so we were all shouting "não" ("no") and they were like "we cant go??????" and we were like "no!!!!!" and they were like :/ oh well guess we gotta stay kdnskdjs they had the brazilian flag up there for some time but they also somehow got an lgbt pride flag there too for the pics??? before the ending ment kihyun said that they all have strengths, as i recall kyun's was writing cool songs/lyrics, shownu's was being fun, i think minhyuk's was having a voice like honey? and i dont recall the rest but when he got to hyungwon he just said "being very tall" and we were all like LMAO SAY SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT HIM!!!! and then he said an actual compliment lol for the actual last ment they each said goodbye to us, i specifically remember wonho telling us that the energy we had and him performing on stage for us reminded him of why he was a singer and why he had to be on stage 🥺🥺🥺 and shownu agreed 🥺 kyun(?) said even though he's going back to korea he's gonna feel incomplete bc he's leaving brazil, ki said he liked us so much he could have another 6 concerts here bc our energy would be enough to keep him going and then said something really greasy that i dont remember but obviously loved at the moment. and then they said they're coming back next year 🤩 and they told us to take care of ourselves and wait for them and come back next year (in a bigger venue, they said!) and they all had their pinky fingers up and were saying "promete" ("promise", but as in the imperative verb) to us 😭😭😭

the songs: i was going to put my videos in this post but there’s a video limit so i’m gonna post them separately later but the first song was shoot out and unfortunately i didn’t get to film any of it because i was in SHOCK that they were REAL PEOPLE and RIGHT THERE u know dkjskdkd then was hero and it was INSANE to see it live??? seeing them do the “i can be your hero i can be your man” move IN REAL LIFE????? not to be a kihyun stan but i had kihyun tunnel vision during the entirety of the song lmfao then it was trespass and the energy was INSANE everybody was going absolutely crazy to it esp during the chorus and jooheon’s “excuse my charisma"s!!! after the ment they performed party time and we had this fan project and the people in my area had yellow cellophane on their phone lights and the people in the back had green ones (brazilian colors) and we had them on during the entirety of party time bc they mention brazil in the song and it was just so 🥰🥰🥰 such a vibe! one of the only songs i actually danced to lol party time was next and also a ~vibe~ we all danced a lot to it and after it was over, during the ment, hw asked mh to sing a little of it for us and he was sooo happy to see us sing along and sing the entire chorus even after he had stopped! it was super cute to see him smile so proudly like that. and then it was the loml, my fave mx song, a booty call anthem that somehow moves my heart, miss mohae and as soon as i heard the first few beats i SCREAMED and i was the only one doing that before everybody else realized the song had already started but i didnt even have time to be embarrassed bc i was literally tearing up. honestly hearing it live was one of the best moments of my life bc i have this huge emotional attachment to the song and it was just all super special, i was screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs and dancing and jumping and yelling. seeing kyun’s rap live was amazing and you could actually SEE how proud he was seeing so many people sing a song HE composed you know? he let us rap most of his part bc he was just in awe and wanted to see us sing it back to him. and hyungwon tried to rap jooheon’s part but he got it all messed up halfway through it was SO CUTE and jooheon had an arm around him and was BEAMING WITH LOVE the entire time 😍😍😍 everyone was fonding HARD at him. and the crowd was SO loud during the "don’t kill my vibe, i be on your way, i be, i be on your way” part it was actually deafening. i only recorded one of the choruses bc i wanted to enjoy the rest of the song but here it is! the next song was one of the other lomls, miss jealousy!!! it was absolutely STUNNING!! and yes the crowd went crazy when wonho mentioned shownu and yes that hyungwon+changkyun part IS as overwhelming to experience irl as it looks. after the youtuber vcr came the unit stages and oh. my. god  mh, hw and kh came out first and it was just. so sexy and elegant. and the vocals? 10/10 LOVED that men in suit shit. then was jooheon's and changkyun's stage and HOLY. FUCKIN. SHIT. absolutely my favorite performance of the night it was EVERYTHING to me. the energy was super fuckin cool and we were all jumping around and screaming while they rapped in sexy robes over a cool ass beat it was awesome. in the middle of the performance joo tried to flip a water bottle (???) and he actually failed lol but we were so hype we didnt even notice/care we just hyped him TF up. he later apologized for it during the next ment and the real time translator lady said "desculpa" ("sorry") and changkyun said "yeah, desgupa" immediately after 🥺 then jooheon had a drum solo which ??????? i had zero fucking idea about i was just kinda standing there in shock while he absolutely murdered that drum set right in front of our eyes. AND THEN ck came back and started to rap along to his drumming and i know im saying this a lot but it was SEXY okay i have no other words they were both in muscle tees just out there being their sexiest selves UGH. and AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH then came wonho and shownu's stage and uhhhhhhh wow. SEXY AS WELL but also kinda angsty? idk but i loved it they absolutely killed it with the dance and they were wearing see through shirts and the crowd went insane. after that there were the songs i didn't listen to a lot or liked before the concert but they were all still amazing to me!! honestly, i do love u, white sugar and no reason were all SUPER cute!! AND THEN. miss myself came on and oh my god. it was a spiritual experience to see it live. absolutely amazing and breathtaking even though it's so simple. like it's just so elegant and moving. i had to close my eyes a couple times to feel the moment and it was an amazing sensation. also!! a few girls gave us free banners to lift after kihyun's high note and they said 주변을 돌아봐 내겐 다 너니까 꿈이 아냐 (shownu's line, "turn and look around, because you're everything to me this isn't a dream") and it was SO emotional to see a sea of these red banners showing them our love!! 

it was amazing AND THEN. dramarama oh my god it was so freakinggggg cool! to see the performance live, jooheon milly rocking right in front of my eyes... amazing. everyone went insane during rapline's first part. one of my fave performances for sure!! next song after the ment was oh my and IT WAS AMAZING!! the choreo was just stunning and the energy!! everyone was just jumping around and screaming the lyrics, esp kihyun's line before the last chorus!! and im absolutely obsessed with the choreo, honestly. then special and fallin' were SO COOL, just like the other upbeat songs, the energy was amazing, everyone was jumping around and screaming the lyrics. fallin' was especially hype as hell and minhyuk did this funny low voice dkjskdkd then it was alligator and listen. i hated it when it came out but when they performed it i had never loved a song so much in my life. it was CLEAR it was one of the performances they were working the hardest on and their talents were really shining through 😔 i had ki and shownu tunnel vision unfortunately i missed kyun's iconic hip thrusts sksjdks but theres always next year i guess! so they had just convinced us it was their last song but after a few mins hyungwon came back out and we met H.One hehe i didnt think i would like it bc i thought it would be mostly edm and i dont really like edm but it was just some really good remixes?? he played taki taki and mi gente and everybody went fuckin insane like i remember my knee hurting super bad during this part and he was just. chilling on the stage sjejdjsk BUT THEN CAME THE TRUE GO CRAZY AAHHHH GO STUPID MOMENT OF THE CONCERT: RODEO. boy was it a fuckin ride. truly the time to fuckin wild out at an mx concert. i think it was during this song that minhyuk (?) put a brazilian flag around jooheon's shoulders so we were even more hype!! last song was by my side and it was super calm and bittersweet and like a "goodbye, ily" song :( we had these paper hearts someone gave us and we kept them up for them during the entire song, it was so lovely

the hi touch: ok so the concert ended and we waited around 50 mins for the ht event to start and we were all in a single line that went behind a curtain and THEY WERE ALREADY BEHIND THE CURTAIN SO THERE WAS NO WAY TO PREPARE FOR IT KDJDJDJD they were all standing behind a table and on the other side of the table was some of their staff on a single line to keep people from taking pictures of them and we had to go through the line of staff and the table to see them/touch their hands. it was SUPER rushed i dont think i spent 3 seconds there. my brain absolutely froze bc it was my first time at a hi touch (or first time meeting a celebrity, ever) and it was like 7 people i love and admire all at once so i couldn't manage to say more than "hi" to them and just look at them in shock and i was going faster as they (staff) told me to go faster (stupid) but they were also telling us to use only one hand and not touch their hand with both of ours but fuck that lol so in general they are all real people which is insane??? but also they ARE all SO much more beautiful in real life. like they literally glow. my friends told me they would seem taller and skinnier than i thought but i honestly didnt have the time or the brains to think about that or notice any of that. hyungwon IS tall as fuck though

kihyun: just my luck, my first bias was the first one of the line. as i walked behind the curtain there was a taller girl in front of me in line so i couldn't see much so i had like no time to process anything ksjskdks as soon as i saw it was him i went "oh my god, hi" (yes in english bc i know he understands basic english and doesn't speak portuguese lol) and he was SO sweet like it was literally half a second but his face softened and he said "hiiii" back and gave me the sweetest smile :( hes an angel on earth and i can prove it ok. hi touch aside, he's VERY confident onstage and also VERY greasy lmao he was shooting greasy stuff at us left and right and we ATE IT ALL UP. but he's also incredibly sweet and funny but like we been knew. every time he said something greasy he would expectantly wait for the lady to finish translating so he could see our reaction and afterwards he ALWAYS had that smile where he gets those dimples below his eyes :( he's one of the most talkative members!

shownu: mistre hyunwoo was second in the line and i was still in shock from seeing the loml so all i said was "hi" and he honestly seemed confused that i, a brazilian, was trying to speak english to him, a korean DJJSKDKD but he said hi very quick and had this small smile. he's taller than he seems?? i think? at least onstage and he's also very bashful no matter what he's saying lol unless it's serious stuff like him agreeing with wonho during the ending ment

wonho: ok so i dont remember the order exactly after the first two bc i started to like. have brain death but i THINK it was wonho but i saw him VERY quickly. idk if it's bc i saw him right after shownu or if he was bending forward or what but he's actually shorter than i thought he was. he had the HUGEST smile on his face and was super excited to say hi back to my dumbstruck face lol he's also?? surprisingly commanding?? like he's not imposing or anything bc he's super gentle but he told us to be quiet while he was speaking (.......lol) bc we were screaming and when he started to speak again this group of girls continued screaming and he looked at them DIRECTLY, FROM THE STAGE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MENT, POINTED AT THEM and deadass went "i have already told you to be quiet twice" and everyone was like??? in shock bc we didn't know if he was serious so we were just like 😳😳😮😮 it was very bizarre honestly a surreal moment to see wonho talk like that to any monbebe ever (for the record im not saying he was rude or anything, it was just very surprising to see that happen). i clearly remember these 3 older ladies referring to him as "primo" ("cousin") for some reason during the entire concert and idk why but that's so funny to me? it's kinda stuck in my mind now im gonna start calling him primo. he ripped his shirt off a total of two (2) different times, maybe three, one of them unprompted and unrequested, during a slow song. love that for him

hyungwon: oh boy. here we go. when my friends told me he was the most different one irl and that he was incredibly prettier i was like ok and then i saw him on the stage and was like yeah alright he's a little different but nothing too exceptional but holy. crap. he was never my type but when i saw him face to face i think my mind literally blacked out. like my body was still functioning but my mind just completely shut down when i saw him smiling at me and saying hi. like that didn't happen with kihyun, one of my ULTIMATE BIASES, but it happened when i saw HIM, that's how beautiful he is. im not using any of these words lightly, but he's beautiful, pretty, stunning, overwhelmingly handsome, an angel. he's just indescribable. his hair is so long and pretty and his face is just so soft and beautiful and he has the prettiest looking lips. has heavy vampire boyfriend vibes also. one of the quietest members, i barely have any pics of him bc he was rarely ever on the big screen bc he didnt say much. tall as hell too

minhyuk: listen i am SO SAD about this i was so overwhelmed by hyungwon's face my mind completely blanked when i got to minnie and i have no idea what i did, i don't even know if i said anything or if i just stared at him dumbfounded sjejjdjsd i have no recollection of his face at ALL like my mind was not able to process anything after hyungwon BUT i know he is pretty as hell (wbk) and he's also even sexier on stage!! like his presence and his moves are just very sensual and he is one of the most talkative ones too! we already know that but he is SUPER funny he never missed an opportunity to do something completely bizarre i just love that funky lil cowboy HE HAD A COWBOY HAT OVER HIS CAP DURING RODEO AND HE ALSO WORE THE FUNNIEST BRAZILIAN FLAG SUNGLASSES DURING HIS ENDING MENT HERE HE IS

jooheon: yall. he is SO. so so so SOOOO much prettier irl like he doesn't LOOK any different like hyungwon does but he's just even more beautiful up close and he also looks taller than i pictured? his whole face was just lit up seeing us and he was super excited to be saying hi to me it was so sweet :( like i am actually even more in love with him now after experiencing that i even dreamed about him that night lmao and oh god I cant even describe how cute his eyesmile + dimple combo is irl 😔😔😔 he talked a lot too and he literally speaks in POUT whenever he said something most of the time it sounded like he was whining it was so cute jdjdjfjd but when he's performing he's a BEAST his stage presence is un-fucking-paralleled he definitely has the strongest one in the group. his mere being there just commands you to pay attention to him in awe it's just very inexplicable. he's just super cute and nice and an angel 

changkyun: oh god I didn't wanna write about my experience with him during the hi touch jsjsjdjs but im gonna try to keep this as neutral as possible. so after i got to jooheon he was the last in line (which was my ideal situation, my two biases - ki and him - in opposite ends so even if i did freeze when i saw one id have time to get over it before the other one) and when i got to him he didn't look at my face, he was looking at the beginning of the line (???) for some reason, so even though i grabbed his hand and said hi i dont remember if he even said it back and i didn't get to look him in the eyes like all the others, which made me really angry as soon as i walked out and then really upset bc i spent 110 reais to see them and one of my two faves didn't look at me when i was right in front of him, but u know it is what it is. i dont think he did it on purpose or that he's an asshole or anything like that, it's just something that happened and upset me. but aside from that, the thing that stuck with me the most out of the entire concert: HE IS INCREDIBLY!!! SEXIER IN REAL LIFE like all my friends who saw mx say hyungwon is the most different but for me it was kyun. he's SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME than in the internet, pictures really do not do him justice. and he has this really hot careless, cool guy attitude in general, like when they/we were hyping him up bc of mohae he was like 🤙🏼 he stared at the floor a lot while the others were talking and like. he knows he's hot thats VERY clear lmao. he's surprisingly talkative. he's very effortless with his moves when he's dancing and that's not saying he doesn't put in effort he just makes it seem so. easy and nicely flowing idk. he was wearing a cap during the hi touch and holy fucking hell he has the nicest profile ive ever seen. thats all

sidenote: PLEASE be careful when camping days before a concert or even hours. a LOT of the people who had spent too much time in line to be closer to the stage had to leave the concert halfway through bc they were literally about to pass out after having spent so much time with poor sleep and unhealthy eating/drinking. enjoy your concert but also take care of yourselves!!

[fit-as-fxck]

Wednesday’s workout

Push:

a1 bench press 4x6

a2 glute ham raise 4x4-6

b1 weighted decline sit up 3x8

b2 skullcrusher 3x12

c1 Bulgarian split squat 3x8/8

c2 barbell push press 3x8

d: ending with shoulder accessory work. hitting the front, mid and rear delt specifically & tricep & DB bench press. if i can i’d also like to end with some push-squat movements like the leg press, goblet squat or front squat. but not so taxing i cant do my posterior chain work tomorrow. 

Yesterday’s workout D E M O L I S H E D my back. I took some creative liberty and improvised some to accommodate the other bodies in the gym and available equipment. I knew I really wanted to hit the back to begin with, so I worked every which way to hit every single muscle I could think of. It took me over an hour. I normally try to keep my workouts 45-50 minutes. I was the only woman on the lifting floor. I knew there aren't too many women who lift at my gym. Maybe only a handful. There is one older woman in particular I see from time to time and she’s really fit. She must be in her 40s-50s or older... but I have a hard time estimating her age because she’s so fit. Yesterday I was in a sea of sausage. There were like four or five younger guys probably 18-21s. And one huge guy that came in and powerlifted some massive weight and left. It felt good to feel like I was working harder than most of those dudes there. I keep track of my time, heart rate and resting periods on my watch and I definitely saw those guys enter and exit and I was still working. I thought I'd be dead by the time I was done but I finished with just 10 minutes of sprints. I was wondering if something was wrong because the man next to me lightly jogging looked over 3 times at me. Maybe it was because I was breathing really hard and running  a full on sprint so hard the treadmill was probably shaking. I added on a pallof press too and it felt really awesome on my core. 

I did some research on the posterior chain. It’s not actually an anatomical system. What it is, is a term coined to describe 2 muscle systems that run along the backside of the body from your head to your ankles. Two different systems that are used for the same function, but trained in completely different ways. 

The first one being the Superficial Back Line which includes the muscles from the traps, mid back line and hamstrings and calves- all the muscles used to keep you upright. (main lift being the deadlift) (consists mostly of the erector spinae and the hamstrings)  (aka what allows you to lift your head & support the spine) (postural muscles, very aerobic, slow, steady, static movements). If you only focus on movements for the Superficial Back Line, you’ll completely miss the second part of it.

The second one being the Posterior Oblique Sling which is a band of muscles that includes the entire lats, the sheet of muscles along the back that help draw the arm back, the glutes, and the outter thigh. These are worked using rotational exercises and used to keep you more mobile. It’s more of an active function, rather than static- helping us walk and run and combining work from the glutes and lats at the same time (think: running motion- lat pulling an arm back while glute is moving the leg forward) ***ITS BALANCE BITCH**

This reminds me so much of why I would combine an exercise like a seated row (mid back line) with a wide lat pull down (posterior oblique sling- it literally shapes around your back and sides like a sling, forming the lats, muscles that stretch around the to form the glutes and outter hamstring/thigh- it reminds me of forming the coveted X pattern people look for)

I think I'll change up some things about my December training program. I’d like to add in a Sumo Deadlift simply because I can use it to hit those muscle planes I was talking about, a little better. I might add in a bent over dumbbell row, as well. I feel my current programming right now may be leaving some vital parts out of the equation. For example, I'm not doing a lot to hit the Posterior Oblique Sling above the waist. The only things I have in my programming are inverted rows and pull ups. AND I'm doing a ton to hit it below the waist. Lots of work with hip thrusts, pause squats etc. I want to make especially sure I'm not neglecting and creating imbalances as I go. I’d also like to hit rear delts a little more effectively. For the Superficial Back Line, I'm hitting hamstrings well but not doing much for the mid back supported muscles. I do back extensions a couple times a week for it, but I'd like to add something else on for it. My superficial back line doesn't need as much adjustment as the posterior oblique sling. Yesterday I corrected a lotttt of this. 

I still plan on getting my workouts in like normal even on holidays like thanksgiving. Thanksgiving day workout is “Posterior Chain” focused, as they say. But really just focused on the glutes, latissimus dorsi, and hammies (bc the sumo squat pulls strength from more of the hams, glutes, inner thigh etc), and spinal erectors of the low back and coreeeeee 

a1. reverse front lunge 4x6/6 (all heavy sets @ RPE 8)

a2. explosive pull thru 6x2

b1. chest supported rows 5x8

c1. barbell hip thrust 4x5

c2. adding a sumo deadlift here 4x5

core: plank & hold complex

core: hanging knee/leg raises to failure

It’s really crazy how much information is out there and how much is incomplete or misinterpreted. But, I love adjusting my own work programming as I go. 

[muneerahwrites]

The Rain in Spain

[I was trying to be clever but there was no actual rain - rain meaning my tears LEL. I want to share contents of the lessons too inshaAllah but this will come slowly and surely. Bc there was really A LOT. This post is dedicated to my unsorted-out feelings – an attempt to rationalize and understand why I felt what I felt and to attempt to move forward with clarity of heart.]

Came back to SG from Granada to find myself plunged into deadlines and unfinished work. Grappling with jet lag, acne, a worn out yet, invigorated soul, and an unsettled mind, I dragged my body to work for the past 4 days trying to refocus and get myself into my comfortable SG work routine.

I haven’t had the time to reflect properly on my Ramadan and then, the 2 weeks Critical Muslim Studies – on what I’ve learnt and about myself. Why was I crying so much everyday? I mean, I cry occasionally but Spain was something else. I felt like I was ALWAYS crying lol. I couldn’t speak without tears bubbling beneath the surface. The garden behind the school became a regular witness to my tears (and on one occasion, the whole class but I’d rather bury that in the depths of my mind.)

I did not fully understand it at that time, but I concluded in Spain that it was probably for four reasons:

1.       PMS is real.

2.        I came to learn about decolonial theory and largely expected “head-work” about Critical Muslim Studies. Instead, there were discussions about dealing with the metaphysical catastrophe of coloniality, the counter to that being weeping and praying (Fanon), embracing other ways of being (the soul as a way of decolonising) and that I’ve been approaching the Qur’an or my faith (something I hold so dear to and I thought was the anchors of my always changing life) incompletely, maybe even self-indulgently. I realized that I usually leave my soul out the door when I enter “secular” spaces. Of course, I hold on to prayer and du’a but the reminder that the soul is there with your mind and body as a way of understanding and communicating was such as shock to my system. As I realise this, my body was so still but I felt so moved. Therefore, the tears.

 3.       I felt inadequate. What was I doing in this space? Neither activist, content producer nor scholar, I entered the space positioned as a student, only to be overwhelmed by everyone else. I felt that I was not fit to talk about decolonisation or liberation theologies. What limited struggles have I gone through as compared to everyone else in the space? I shut my mouth, I listen, I took in everyone’s pain. I felt so much guilt that I did not have my own pain (or I thought I didn’t). What have I done in my life? I have nothing to share that is important in this space. Bc of these negative thoughts, I brought up all my weaknesses as excuses not to engage. I am not critical enough, not eloquent enough, my heart beats too fast when speaking in front of many people. Anyway, everyone needed to speak so I shouldn’t, whether inside or outside class. I concluded that I shouldn’t be here. I felt even more guilty because it’s Allah’s will and plan that I was in Granada and I felt that His plan was wrong. I retreated. Therefore, the tears.

 4.       Another level of inadequacy was from the fact that I was from Singapore. I have nothing to contribute coming from Singapore. Who cares about Singapore anyway? Was I even Singaporean, being away from Singapore for 5 years of early adulthood. What does being Singaporean even mean?? *Existential crisis* Other experiences seemed more valid, more pressing, more outwardly violent. The need for social justice in other parts of the world was more pressing because people are constantly dehumanised and stripped of dignity. What is Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo to Singapore’s ISA and prisons? What is racism and white supremacy in the US and UK/Europe compared to racial politics in Singapore? Was my experience not important? Or was it relegated as unimportant? Did I do this myself or was this another power dynamic that is playing out? I was confused but also, I am not a personality who insists that my voice be heard. (WHY MOO? I need to examine this more?) I was frustrated. Therefore, the tears.

As the classes come to an end plus the long trip back home, I realised that I was crying because of all those reasons and then some. I was mainly crying because I was so uncomfortable. I realised through the classes, my reflections, my interactions with the other participants and with my interaction with Granada as a place, that I am still colonised. It’s not just a theory I use in my research or studies. My self, my being and thoughts are so unchecked and it’s suddenly being called out in Granada. The process of decolonisation of the self, that the summer school was pushing me to do, was/is an extremely uncomfortable one. Therefore, the tears.

Colonial domination is often understood as a historical process that has ended with independence of nation states. It is easy to recognise that there are legacies in our political, education, economic systems but I don’t think I understood the far-reaching creeping fingers of coloniality – it is in the domination of mind, body and spirit. But coloniality didn’t end in 1963, when the British left. It is not just concerns of “unfortunate Third Worlders” and diasporic communities in distant lands, battling corruption and poverty because they lacked the vision and the statecraft of a Lee Kuan Yew. The logics, practices and legacies of colonialism disrupted our local/faith/indigenous epistemologies (ways of seeing, being and understanding), our social orders and norms and forms of knowledge.

Singapore was colonised but emerged as “crown colony”. Someone from Guardian even wrote a whole article about how we “benefited” from colonialism LOL: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/04/colonialism-work-singapore-postcolonial-british-empire We’re so good at being a “modern nation-state” with our policies based on race and hierarchies created by meritocracy – but always framed as having the promise or intention of equality. We (or rather, I will say I myself, Idk about other people) just internalised coloniality (the colonial mindset) so much that we became model global citizens. White masks, yellow, brown, black skins. Wanting to be “modern”, to imitate. But as someone who has multiple levels of otherness (global south, woman, muslim, brown, introverted etc), when I imitate, I never feel enough or belonging to anywhere.

Discussions came up about how we should not to compare issues, but to be relative. And that’s when I realised: The logic of coloniality remains the same – whether we are talking about clear individual acts of Islamophobia in the UK or the state control of our asatizah in Singapore. No matter how it is being framed.

So returning back to discomfort in decolonising the self. The solution was not to retreat to the soul or to some pristine, native state of being. I was called to recognise the narrowness of my “broadened” mind: whose standards are you trying to meet? Whose questions are you answering? What are your own questions? What are the standards and values decreed by Allah? Why did I think or feel my personality, skills and socialisation not enough? Why do I think that I could not offer anything when everyone else could (especially those from the West?) How was I reproducing coloniality even in the way I was thinking about myself in relation to others? I was called to take my sensing and knowing beyond dominant ideas of what was natural, true and good.

Also, I don’t think my highly introverted self was ready for how short of a time, intensely close and intimate spaces (physical, mind and heart) I would share with so many diverse women (mostly Muslim WOC from everywhere). Everyone was so loving, embracing, warm, spiritual but at the same time, brave, strong, eloquent, unafraid of their thoughts and femininity, critical and aware of power and power dynamics and so quick to call out BS and violence when they saw it. They are honestly so aspirational and I have so many conversations/advice embedded so deeply in my mind (or heart? Allahu ‘alam). So honoured and grateful to have met every single one. Farid Esack (an absolute legend) advised us: “our interactions with other people are sacred. No matter how you differ, do not pee [desacrilise] on this sacred space.” Jasmin Zine (or was it Amina Teslima?) also read this hadith at the start of class which explains why some souls feel inexplicably drawn to other souls:  The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)" (Saheeh al-Bukhaari)

It was truly a blessed group to be around. I regularly got advice and reminders that were so on point and poignant, I wish I had just took out a notebook to write all of it down. One of the ladies shared Audre Lorde’s concept of self-love as a radical act. I found the quote: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” A few other girls too had a discussion over salty seafood paella haha that self-love requires us to accept our flaws and understand that as Muslim women, Allah is there to forgive us and complete us for anything lacking. Our flaws aren’t meant to be overcome or pushed away, its meant to remind us of our humanity, how everyone is flawed. We can use what we think as “flaws” as strengths. When our life isn’t in alignment or we aren’t what we expect ourselves to be, we shouldn’t blame ourselves. Rather, it is an opportunity to grow and learn, make a change. Listen to yourself, how do you feel. How is your body responding? How is your heart? I need to learn how to cherish my authenticity and forgive the times I forgot my strengths and my power. Rather than treat myself as a blank sheet that can constantly be recreated everyday to be my ‘best self’, I must realise that I have a history, experiences, pains and triumphs that make me complex and valuable, if not to society, then, to God. “Make your voice the clearest and centred in this creative space”, another wise lady told me during the trip.

[Ok I will conclude for now]: Being in St Andrews as someone from “the rest” (from Southeast Asia, Muslim and woman) in a distinctly white space, I never felt fully “integrated”. In a way, I am grateful I didn’t. My sanctuary and solace was being with women of colour after uni and during Fridays. SOAS was interesting for me to dip my feet and see what using post-colonial and decolonial theory looks like in academia. But I think, if I am deciphering my thoughts and feelings correctly, Granada was a proper introduction for me into what a decolonial/liberation/social justice space looked like, it is not only a space for pain to be shared but also one of empowering resistance, love for each other and self-love. It also taught me that decolonising the self as well as histories, faith traditions, etc is going to be a long and uncomfortable process, with a lot of learning, praxis as well as reflection.

what about this theory.

the fear of not being enough,

and the fear of being ‘too much’

are exactly the same fear. 

the fear of being you. (@nayyirahwaheed)

[thegodsaregay]

Great & detailed review!!

personally I dont like her writing style at all. It's extremely preachy, and repetitive. I see that she wants me to feel empowered, and I really did in beginning. I think it's great, because it sets the mood she wants to portray here, since her own journey is all about finding her inner strength as a witch.

But the tone doesn't shift at all, it is the same energy throughout the book and at some point the empowering language just ..falls flat. To me, it feels more like language appropriate for a blog post of short or medium length, not a whole book. Stylistically speaking, she follows the same pattern over and over again, which i find boring if not aggravating.

Besides that, I've read some of the discourse about her being a TERF here. Honestly I think that if you're a cis woman, it's easy to forget that women who are not cis might read this book and feel rejected and offended when reading it. She basically implies that her brand of magic is for women, and being a woman means you have an uterus etc. She puts a lot of words into creating this feeling of a powerful sisterhood, and how great it is that we all stick together as witches, that we support each other as women, but then goes out of her way to create the feeling that you can only belong to this sisterhood if you have the right body parts for it.

Sure that works great for women where that's actually the case, but I also think it wouldn't have been too much effort to write a few sentences in there to include ALL women, or at least put a disclaimer in where she states that she's specifically talking about the cis experience because she can not speak for trans women that way bc she has no experience with it or something similar. Something to address the issue, to at least show that she is aware of it and has done some critical thinking on the topic.

Personally , although I am a cis woman, I was left with a feeling of .. dissatisfaction because of it. The logic felt incomplete. But honestly, just from reading this, I get the feeling that she does not actively and aggressively disrespect trans women, but seems more dismissive towards their experience and existence. To some that might be the same, for some it might make a difference. To me, it's both transphobic, and i don't want to read it.

It's a shame, because the thought of seeing my body as magic appeals to me, and I liked the feeling of connection to my body i got from reading her book. The problem is just that while I got this connection, someone else might have gotten the exact opposite.

Overall it was interesting to learn about the different experiences she had with witchcraft in her life, especially because she is a hereditary witch and did some fantastic things on her journey.

Sometimes I was ... irritated because she just drops information about history, like what really happened vs what the men say happened etc. While that is certainly fascinating, she doesn't elaborate on that at all, gives no sources or anything and just expects the reader to take it at face value. Seems unprofessional and sketchy to me, i always value transparency in what research someone did for their book.

There ARE some very informative things in there though. About how different kinds of witchcraft work, spells,the wheel of the year etc. Im going to use some of that, since it's pretty basic information that can be useful. 🤷🏼‍♀️

But yeah I agree with OP that if you read it critically, you can get some valuable information out of this book. Lister IS an interesting witch with a fascinating journey, and it's a good thing to be aware of what kind of witches are out there. I wouldn't tell you to spend money on it though.

Book Review: Witch

Title: Witch: Unleashed. Untamed. Unapologetic.

Author: Lisa Lister

Review:

So, where do I begin? I read Witch quite a while ago, over a year I think, and I’ve been meaning to write a review of it ever since because, believe me, I have some thoughts. But this book is a complicated one to review, so I’ve been putting it off. However, since this book, despite being two years old, is now suddenly a hot button topic, I think it’s about time I weigh in.

I guess, I should first start by saying I don’t see this book as a reference book for witchcraft. In my opinion, Witch is much more of a memoir of Lister’s relationship with her craft that includes background information, crafts, and recipes. I think that’s an important distinction, especially with the controversy surrounding the book right now. Why? Well, she spends the first 150 or so pages self-promoting and telling her personal story as a hereditary witch of Romani heritage (some people take issue with her using the G-word throughout, but that’s her heritage not mine). The rest continues her story with definitions, recipes, and kind of journey through the Wheel of the Year scattered throughout. She is telling her story as a woman claiming her self-confidence and personal power in the context of being a witch. A lot of people are reading this as directly exclusive, but I personally didn’t read the book that way.

Don’t get me wrong. The introduction was a flag. I think what Lisa Lister wanted to do was a write a book to a specific audience that would feel a physical and emotional connection to her specific experience, but she messed up along the way by approaching it with an attitude that is inflammatory more often than it is explanatory. There’s a difference between writing a book featuring the female body (very, very heavily featuring sheesh) and acknowledging that the topic can also more broadly approach and include other bodies versus saying my book is about the FEMALE body, sorry not sorry!!! which is kind of what she does just not in those words. She discusses her experience with witchcraft as a woman (specifically a cis woman) and that includes a lot about her relationship with her female biology. She doesn’t actively exclude anyone from witchcraft as a practice, (despite the rude introduction) and she doesn’t define witchcraft as for women only as far as I can tell.

That being said, I will say she is likely feminist to a fault, and again, the first 150 pages or so of the book are self-indulgent and very heavily promote her other books, so they could likely be skipped. When I bought the book and read it, I was initially wary based on the introduction, but it needs to be taken in context with the goal of the book. She’s trying to share the empowerment she has gained through witchcraft and how that connects to the biology of her body. She acknowledges that’s she writing her book for a specific audience, and if you don’t like body-centric uses of witchcraft, then this might not be a book to read (there are lots of books, posts, etc. about body-centric witchcraft by witches of all genders, not to mention books about queer magic). I just don’t think she does it well.

Would I recommend reading this book? Yes! I would.

Now, if you’re thinking “Oh my gosh, Veronica, why?” Well, I think you should read it for several reasons. First of all, a book this divisive can only be discussed well by people that have read it, so if you want to contribute to the debate about this book, read it to be an informed commenter. Second, it’s a valuable lesson in learning to read critically. I’m an asexual person, and the near excessive, often vulgar, feminist to a fault, usage of the female body as a power symbol in this book is overwhelming. (And I’m sure that’s the intention.) But I read this book because I know how to read critically, I can read past the devices where Lister overdoes it to try to actually get at the heart of the thing. Third? If nothing else, this book oozes confidence. I think most people would be hard-pressed to read this without wanting to scream, dance, or just do something bold to empower themselves. I could probably compare this to the Yerbamala Collective’s and Becoming Dangerous, but I don’t want to turn this book review into its own novel. (You can read that review here, though.)

So, yes, read it. Do I recommend it because I whole-heartedly love and adore this book? No. Not at all. I’d probably give it 2.5/5 stars if I had to because the “reference” information is pretty basic. Every time I’ve ever told someone to read this book, it came with the disclaimer that it needs to be read critically. I do the same thing with Scott Cunningham and many other authors that can offer us valuable insight into this amorphous world of witchcraft without us having to be their number one fans.

This is getting really long, and I’m not sure I’ve covered it all because there is so much that could be dissected here. But hopefully this provides some more insight into this book. If anyone wants to discuss further, I’m happy to share more of my thoughts.

[bleusarcelle]

Two Birds With One Stone

Me writing angst as I hear Hamilton upbeat song: THOMAS JEFFERSON IS COMING HOME. LA LA LA. 

Not kidding. Anyways; I saw an Opera today and I was messing around with Kax about those stories of drama and stuff and then I was like.....cough Romeo and Juliet. 

And bc I’m lazy and already have like eight incomplete stories, I was like ‘Imma gonna write the dying part and that’s it.’ 

It’s short tho, and dramatic and angsty so uh yeah, have it, enjoy or burn it. *Throws drabble to your face* I tried my best. 

Also, I know, I know, you may think: “Rea, Romeo didn’t die like that wtf? He drink bla bla bla and Juliet did this and bla” Shh, shh *Pats your head* Just take this dumb drabble and enjoy the angst. 

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me. 

The squeaking sound of the door opening is the only thing that makes a sound around the silent room.  

"Lance? Lance, love, wake up we gotta go. Hunk and Pidge are waiting for us in the border." Keith says softly, peeking from the closed curtains and smiling when he sees that no one is on the streets to witness their escape.

"Lance?" Keith calls for the third time when his lover doesn’t answers him. Frowning in confusion, he steps closer to the side of the bed and gently shakes the unresponsive teen by the shoulder.  

"Come on silly, it's time to –"

He’s half done with his sentence when he notices it.

No breathing.

"L-Lance?" Keith stutters, his hand moving to his lover’s neck.

No heartbeat.

"M-My l-love?"

Nothing.

"No, no, no, no, no." Keith chants horrified, "Please, no. This....This is not....L-Lance my love, please."

It was wrong. This was wrong. They had a plan. They have been planning it for weeks now, they knew it by memory. They were supposed to escape their families’ beliefs, along with their hatred and jealously, their manipulative words and their disgust to towards love.

They were supposed to be happy away from those who call themselves family. They were supposed to laugh and smile together as they spent every second alive in each other’s company.

They planned on being happy but now –

"Lance, love, please wake up. We – We were –" Keith chokes, the lump on his throat making impossible to talk, "N-N-No."

The Grand Father Clock hits midnight. Its ringing echoes loudly around the McClain household but Keith's attention is only on the unmoving chest of his lover and the closed eye lids that won't allow him to see the color that always reminded him of the sky itself.

He doesn't know how long he stays like that: frozen above the body of his lover, eyes spilling every last tear he had in him and then –

"Okay." Keith whispers softly, voice hoarse and weak as he caresses Lance's cold cheek lovingly. "O-Okay, my love."

He doesn't hesitate. He drops a heavy kiss on Lance's forehead and whispers three words against his face as he nuzzles it.

Keith had barely spoken the last word before his own family dagger was inside of him.

He groans in pain and leans forward slowly until he’s resting his head against Lance’s chest.  His breathing turns heavy, his vision is blurry and his hands are wet and sticky with blood but even through it all, he can still smell Lance’s essence on his shirt, he can see the Lance’s sharp chin and cheekbones clear as the day and he can feel the smoothness of his cinnamon skin against his touch.

Keith almost feels guilty when he uses one of his hands to stroke Lance's cheek and leaves a blood stain on it.

"Sorry. I'm sorry." Keith chokes out. "I'm …I'm on my way o-okay?"

The seconds become slower. His breathing and heartbeat have almost vanished by now.

He has less than a second left and as he closes his eyes –

"Keith."

He hears someone breathe out his name.

"Keith.” Lance gasps sharply, blinking away the grogginess in his eyes as he turns his head towards his window, his hand automatically placing itself above Keith’s head tenderly as he lays his free one on the bed, "I’m here. I’m here. We don't have a lot time left, we need to –"

He stops short when he feels something warm spreading itself on his sheets.

"Um," The brunet breaths out, the smell of copper and metal filling his nose and Lance’s suddenly shaking like a leaf, "This –This is…."

Red covers every inch of his bed. Every corner of it it’s colored in a deep angry red that replaces the creamy color it once had.

"K-Keith, amor." Lance stutters afraid, his hand on Keith’s head tightening on his lover’s hair as if to ground himself, "Please tell me that's wine."

He can’t look down. He doesn’t dare to look down and see the body of his lover and confirm his fears.

He doesn’t dare to knowledge the lack of breathing and the lack of movement from Keith’s part. He doesn’t dare to knowledge the silence and the missing second heartbeat that it’s supposed to echo along with his own.

Lance sighs shakily and starts stroking Keith’s hair in a soothing motion.

"Someone….please, someone please tell me this is wine." He whispers brokenly as he closes his eyes in hopes to wake up again once he opens them and have a second chance, "P-Please answer me, K-Keith."

Keith stays silent but Lance doesn't.

His screams echoes down the mansion, pain and agony dripping from them as if they were coming from the cruelest torture known by man.

And maybe they were.  

Lance cries as he gathers Keith's limp body, sobbing against his lover’s black hair and his tears mixing themselves with the fresh blood on his pale skin.

Lance begs. He begs to the universe, to God, to Keith. He also curses them, each and every one of them for gifting him the beautiful feeling of love only to take it away in the worst way possible.

He cries. He sobs. He screams.

And once there’s nothing left in him, that’s when he decides.

"One way." He whispers, voice cracking as he takes out Keith's dagger from his stomach, ignoring the grotesque sound it makes as he removes it from the flesh, "One way or another. We promised."

"We promised." He repeats shakily, taking a deep breath against Keith's face before he's bringing the dagger down straight to his chest.

As the metal penetrates his skin, Lance can't help but think that the stab actually hurts less than what it felt to lose Keith.

Maybe that's what loves means; its pain is greater than any physical wound could offer.

He feels his life slip away, almost as fast as the blood that leaves his body, but before he loses himself, he grabs Keith’s hand against his own and squeezes it with the last speck of strength inside him.

Lance can only smile in relief as his breath leaves him because at least he will have Keith to show him the way.