#if im getting sick i may just bomb my school

[theclosetedskeleton]

HRAGHS why am i so cold right now STOP THSI

[first-edition]

Breaking Seasons

Spencer reid x reader fanfiction

Updates every Tuesday and Thursday.

Read the previous chapter here

Chapter 5

Summary- When y/n takes her sick friends criminology class to take notes in the winter, she meets the guest speaker, BAU-FBI agent Spencer reid. After getting to know more about each other due to a college school related case, that ends up involving y/n herself, they naught just have each to keep warm.

Cw- This chapter contains sexual themes such as heavy petting, kissing, touching and leaving hickies. However not actually sex occurs.

STORY BEGINS UNDER THE CUT

                                 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The entire night spencer stayed with you. Holding you in your bed the entire night eventually falling asleep in his arms. Even then he didn't leave he just slept along side you. The morning came a gloomy day as rain cloud covered the sky. Snow falls clouding and frosting up your windows. Not allowing much light to come in as usual. 

Your eyes open as you're met with Spencer's brown ones he moves hair out of your face. 

"Morning." He says softly you burry your face into his chest hearing his light heart beat. He hugs you tighter. 

"Im sorry." He says which only makes your eyes tear up. You pull away from him and get up pulling the blanket off the bed and wrapping it around your self  walking out only to trip and fall landing of the ground. You huff and begin to cry the feeling of loosing your best friend hitting all a over again. Spencer Immedetly gets up and goes to you picking you up in his arms sitting on the ground with you in his lap hugging you. 

———

You sit on the couch as the news plays in the background high snow patterns and roads are closed in the local area your phone chimes signally classes are canceled not like you were gonna go anyway. Spencer who walks into the room from a shower and extra comfy clothes he had in his go bag. 

"Are you sure you're gonna stay your team needs you." You say. 

"No hot hotch texted me the others are held up in the hotel if they need me i have my lap top they can call." He says sitting next to you.

"Im sorry." He says 

"You need to stop that..stop apologizing you didn't do it. Your not the reason." You say drinking your coffee. 

"Thank you though... for spending the night with me. You didn't have to do that." You continue.

"Studies show that loved ones after another loss are prone to self harm weather is drinking drugs, or even cutting to killing themself i um...I didn't want you to be alone-" 

"Because you thought I'd hurt myself." 

"Becuase I care about you...I didn't like seeing you hurting" he says you put your head on his shoulder. 

"Thanks." you say he nods to you putting his head on yours. Your phone buzzes on the table another text from your ex. 

You take your phone and turn it to do not disturb. 

"Why don't you block him?" Spencer asks. 

"He works for my dad i need it as a backup contact" you say "spence.." 

"Hmm?" 

"Tell me something good." 

"Okay Nutmeg is a hallucinogen. The spice contains myristicin, a natural compound that has mind-altering effects if ingested in large doses." He says 

You chuckle "something good not weird."

"Made you smile though didnt it?" He says looking at you. 

"Tell me something about you you haven't told me yet." You say 

"Hmm I have a large burn scar on the back of my thigh and shoulder blade becuase of a bomb went off behind me and I fought on fire." He says 

"A bomb when off so close to you your got burned?" You asked concerned. 

"Yes a man had hacked our computer system through a game and we went after him and he'd set off a bomb. I'm sorry perfectly fine. I also got shot in the knee" He says 

"Wh-what!?" You say moving more to look at him involuntary putting you hand on his thigh.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine though" he says feeling your touch. He may have a germ thing but never with you. 

"Don't get shot again." You say he chuckles and nods.

"Yeah I'll um I'll try not to." He smiles

Once again you're caught admiring his features his light stubble. Curly brown hair falling slightly in his face that he pushes back when he talks. His brown eyes, soft cheeks,  and his lips those perfect lips.

He catches you starring at him he smiles his smile softens as he notices your features as you look at him. Your eyes move up to his and locks. 

"Can I kiss you." He says. He sit up a bit pulling back. 

"You're not supposed to ask." You reply.

He chuckles. "Sorry I don't really know if I c-" you cut him off pressing your lips against his kissing him. His lips catch yours and his hand rests agains your cheek keeping you too him. He inhales you sent of your sweet body wash and shampoo as he deepens the kiss moving his other hand down you waist. You move your arm around his neck. He pulls you up into his lap as you straddle him. 

Opening your mouth to breath ensures him a perfect path you slip his tongue in your mouth. Sloppily kissing you as you kiss him back. His hands grip your waist moving underneath you oversized shirt only now realizing that you're still pants less in your underwear. His hands travel up your back. Your finger wander is hair messing it up. 

Soon they move to his chest and down to the hem of his sweat pants slightly lifting his shirt feeling his torso of abs. He hisses into you and chuckles on your lips. 

"Your hands are cold." He says you giggle as he lightly squeezes your hips. Wanting nothing more that to see you. You pull off his shirt and move away from his lips kissing his perfect jaw and neck so close to leaving marks yet being mindful of his line of work. So you leave two on his collar bone he chuckles at your eagerness. 

You move back out to his lips pecking them. Almost teasing him. He dips his head down into your neck leaving a few kisses and moving to look down to your chest slowly lifting your shirt awaiting the beautiful sight that will be your breasts, big small, uneven it dosnt matter to him he wants you. He's falling for you.

The loud ringing on his phone takes everything to a screeching halt. He huffs and puts his forehead against your chest annoyed with his job. 

"Fuck." He mumbles you laugh running your fingers through his hair. He looks up at you pouting.

"Im gonna go write my thesis paper." You say pecking his lips and getting off him so he can put his shirt back on and answer the oncoming FaceTime. As you walk into your room.

Read next chapter here

[ivysangel]

I could be better but I’m definitely trying to look in the bright side of things. I’m in a show and we’re performing again this weekend so im trying to be excited for that, but I’m just getting over being sick, so we’ll see how that goes (I was getting off the stage after every song either coughing up a lung or blowing my brains through my nose so)

Slice of life is the best when it’s them fighting over cookies or worrying about making friends or going on dates or being (found) family and yeah I think bc relationships and dynamics are so important to me, that’s what tickles my fancy the most, just seeing them connect with each other- 💌

Here are my quizzes!

https://uquiz.com/9CYhbj

https://uquiz.com/3lX4IP

https://uquiz.com/eRtam4

https://uquiz.com/jYI8uI

https://uquiz.com/WsTSmq

https://uquiz.com/pxHmBi

https://uquiz.com/Y6YL3c

(I’m so sorry I tried to grab every quiz with something remotely dc related and that ended up being the majority of them, um yeah sorry friend. But enjoy)

i hope you're feeling better now and i hope you show went well. being sick is the worst, i hope you got to rest some!! i agree about slice of life, i am obsessed with relationship dynamics!! both my own and other peoples, real and fictional! it's why i love sitcoms so much!

link 1 (which of my favorite characters are you)

i got "dork diaries malewife" i'm not entirely sure what that means lmao? first thought was brandon from dork diaries tho? also semi related, winston duke is my supposedly stepmoms cousin

link 2 (which of my favorite albums are you)

i got positions by ariana grande!! one of my fave songs of ALL FUCKING TIME is on that album. motive, u will always be famous. doja you may be a fucking freak but oh my god u know how to feature. kinda need a collab album between the two of them bc motive and i don't do drugs are two of my most fave songs ever

link 3 (which of my ocs are you)

i got priscilla looool. i'm not a middle child tho, unfortunately am an eldest daughter with only child syndrome :(( edge of seventeen mentioned!!! i actually have a dark history with that movie meaning me and my best friend watched it one time in middle school and spent the whole time screaming at the screen. every time i think about it i get so viscerally angry like i'm popping veins. am awkward on the inside but *sighs* the most charismatic person ever. and i do have bomb taste in music, that is true. was going through it trying to pick between the lyrics for blame it and complicated but ultimately decided on complicated bc me and avril are locked in for life

link 4 (which of my rebinge shows are you)

i got abbot elementary!!! i was actually just watching it lmao but i switched it to superstore bc that's my #1 rebinge sitcom along with bk99 and modern family. description was so me tho i am funny and i do enjoy stirring the pot

link 5 (choose some stuff and i'll give you a crime against one of my favorite pieces of media)

i got "jacob imprinting on a baby that's three minutes old" i'm crying lmao. gosh, i've never seen the twilight movies but i've watched so many clips on tiktok i might as well log it into letterboxd. twilight will never get money from me!!!! i've got one sided beef with it, not entirely sure why tho

link 6 (answer these questions and i'll give you a song i like)

i got "i can wait forever" by simple plan. i've never listened to it so i'll have to do that soon!

link 7 (which ridiculous thing in titans are you)

i got rachels dad being a villain to the titans twice. i've never watched titans and probably never will because bad wigs make me want to nuke the planet. but is that not pretty on brand for trigon?

these were fun, i enjoyed them a lot so thank you for sharing w me <3

[scentedchildnacho]

I did get through text one to realize that those that hate God maybe are just people taught to follow a fake god instead of krisna they aren't actually satanists when they skelter around.....ohio everywhere and the very famous white instigator of mal conduct...mlk jr.....the other America....

Headlight skelters are not prakrti

The old man told me changing his sport channel to Spanish is a mean spic thing to do....so I thought about the Irish hispanic and peace mans allowance of vaccines.....

And told him I predict one day Spanish will be natives and southerners and it will mean aid groups finally arriving....your channel called you just the flu....and Spanish music is the good people....and you do need more medical care...

You dread hearing Spanish because allies have had to arrive and we were all getting very sick...

Destructive destructive and I start feeling like automatic movements and tourettes whimsical and that's so funny so fun if destructive

Yoni yoni yoni....my yoni is being telepathically summoned to an alien ship through Judy's tv

Well some people find depressive evidence really instigating of saying no more firmly

Your channel wouldn't finally take you to your TV not Judy's so Spanish Americans have had to arrive

Bugs they bugged people so Spanish has to arrive or you would die maybe of bug washes from military kids having to live in foreign compounds and truly needing drug deal strategy to survive

Military kids cannot control their feelings of scarcity and will kill people off to survive compound ration reduction...you cannot survive people from foriegn compounds alone without allies they were in Germany and their not like us though

Im sorry but sport is weird not all American right now it's weird to be around sport ..

Anyway that might be a really good sign of our liberation they may be finally could get across the border and all that the govenor is ted Bundy has maybe stopped razor wire ...

Their women and I don't want woman p.o.w. ever I hate that I really hate that

My Leiden class said The English Terrorist or The GQ that can mass murder by itself British colonial measures cannot really last forever they scare people with way more oil then expected and still too much fossil fuel abuse....but not really

Even if there is enough oil to keep battering everyone truth is I have never liked fascism....and more and more people choose sci Fi folk worlds

That's me about selfishness if people wanted me to scare people of end of the world no more petrol quickly differentiate in specialty I would do that type of prophetics because I'm tired of constant car bomb terrorist it's stupid bloody worthless and constantly cruel....

That's what this YouTube about the woke conspiracy said that after this stupid creepy repulsive nothing of excess fascism next year there won't be anything but black outs

When I think about jobs I do more notice people not prepared to have to know how to have horses and a wagon

If people are still a car there are truly not good jobs

The police say what is applicable to say at the time otherwise you can't really know what their actually strategizing they do have to work for a company....so

I need to emigrate public services like police never do anything I want so a different voter will kill me if I don't flee ...

People like me want a fire station police so if I go to Gods garage the cars are kicked out of the parking lot for a garden and park and rides established and they never enforce their own safety on site so I never really want to be around them

People can just go right up to buildings here with explosives in their trunk....

There are only a few places that force cult ho with the wrong practice for God to pay for parking if all parking had extensive rates life would be way better for these hoods

Im not sure how my militarys kids are doing my friends from high school I assume my grade school friends are fine their from the states if it's my friends that were stationed in Germany golum I don't know how long they were required to carry that power of a liminal state of bad behaviour without actually killing people but I suspect heyroth had to go to jail awhile maybe not....

I think with age if I eventually got a mentality then heyroth was not in good health....

Maybe she died of COVID she was really mean if people didn't see about her that her lung did collapse of COPD

That would be the self defense plea I would give heyroth that area of Wisconsin is very hard working spartan and very intensely physical and she got really bad copd without spiritual grandfather......so she did though hate everyone

[margret-ohashi]

The Final Plan

Posted on January 20, 1946

Hello, My name is Margret Ohashi. I am a mother of three, living in georgia USA, half american and half japanese. I have a japanese husband named Masaki Ohashi. This has been my blog platform for many years, and you’re probably wondering what happened to me. Let me tell you.

In 1942 i moved back from japan to Georgia USA with two of my children, leaving my husband that was working in the japanese military and my eldest son Jayden, to help my mother recover from a sickness. We originaly were going to visit georgia but we ended up staying for longer due to complications from my mother. On March 30, 1942 I wrote a letter to my husband explaning that we have decided to stay in georgia for a longer period of time, and on may 15, 1942 he sent a letter explaining that he supported my decision and had some new to share with me. At first I was wondering what it could be, but as I read his letter he explained that the war that japan was in with America they  were going to win. I had mixed feelings about this because as being half japanese and half american i didnt fully support japan.

After a while life went on normally, my parents started feeling better, my kids got enrolled into a very good school, and I got a job at a restaurant!

As everything started to go great of course something had to happen, which was very honestly one of the most horrifice things that could have happened. Just talking about this subject hurts so bad.

I got a letter from Masakis parents saying:

______________________________________________________________

Dear my lovely daughter in law,

We are here to inform you that your son and husband have recently passed, yet we are very very sad from this inconvenience we would like to tell you what happened.

As you know me and your father in law has moved out of hiroshima because we got a weird unsafe feeling, i’m very glad we did but sadly there was a very horiffice event that I know will be very heartbreaking to you. 

It was a normal day in japan, then your father in law suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, I woke up in panic that something happened but all he said was he got a very weird feeling. We thought nothing of it and just went on with our day later on we tried getting a hold of Masaki but no response. After calling and calling and panic and panic we finally heard some news that was going around “A BOMB A BOMB” we started to panic and wondered where the bomb hit, we found out it landed in hiroshima in the morning. We are very devestated on what happend and cant believe what has happened, the place is a mess and so many people have been burnt/injured/and died. I promis you hunny once we find out more information we will send it to you right away!

Please stay save! And we love you guys so much, im so so sorry of all the things we have done to you in the pass and fully accept you as a mother after seeing how much you have done in you family, i am so happy that my son got to spend his life with you and he will forever be in all of our hearts. 

I wish you all the best! Can wait to see you soon!!

Love,

Your mother in law

______________________________________________________________

I didn't believe it, I cried and cried for days. I had know idea, I kept trying to blam myself on why i couldn’t help and all the things I could have done. 

When I found out more information I found that, the bomb killed more that 80,000 people at once, that is so tragic and I hope that the rebuild is going well.

I told the kids a few days ago, and yes lots of crying from all of us, things will get better.

[drazzilder]

A Hellish Encounter

Art credit goes to @stormcallart

By Drazzilder

You're an escaped test subject from a United States testing facility. You have been on the run for years when one day you meet the man that can change everything.

Chapter 1: Regret

The soft sounds on the morning are suddenly interrupted by the harsh noise from the alarm clock. A large hand tiredly aims for the off button which is found after a few attempts. The man attached to that hand wakes up begrudgingly with some groans and cracking joints. He slowly gets up to get ready for the day, heading toward the bathroom. As he enters, he sees his reflection, but he doesn’t hold on it long. He can’t stand the sight of himself. The man in the mirror may be Endeavor, but Enji doesn’t like what he sees. He should be happy on his 40th birthday but he can’t stop his mind from racing. He hurt his family; his first son died from his own power, his youngest was scarred by his mother, and the rest of his children where mentally neglected and abused by Enji himself. Enji’s wife, Rei, couldn’t handle the stress and guilt from everything and ended up in a mental institution soon after hurting Shoto, but by then it was so bad that she took her own life two years ago.

Enji sees all of this when he looks at himself in the mirror. It affects him so much that looking makes him sick to his stomach. He quickly looks away and gets ready for the day.

Coming into the kitchen, Enji sees Shoto, getting ready for school with the help of the nanny Hina. Fuyumi and Natsuo already left for school. Hina is the fourth nanny they have had in 2 years. She has been there the longest because she knows no one else will stand the family and someone needs to be there for the children. Plus, she is the only one who can actually stand up to Endeavor and is not afraid of him. She knows he would never hurt her.  When Hina looked at Enji, the look on his face made her stop what she was doing.

“Everything ok Mr. Todoroki?”

“I’m fine…” he answered in a gruff tone, letting her know that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Im off to school dad, are we still training this afternoon?”

“Good, and yes we always train on Wednesdays!” Sounding more annoyed than anything.

They finish up breakfast and getting their things ready for the day. They soon left the house and went to their final destinations. Enji made it to his agency and meet his secretary.

“Sanji, after I’m done with today’s paperwork, where is my patrol going to be today?”

“Sir, you will be taking the northern end of Tokyo”

“Very well. Thank you Sanji”

“Sir?”

“Hmm?”

“Happy Birthday.”

Sanji is the only one to acknowledge the day let alone tell you happy birthday. She has been working for you for years and knows almost everything that has happened. Enji knows he can trust her with anything so of course she would be the only one to wish him a happy birthday. Enji quickly finished up his paperwork, at least quickly as he could. He squinted and moved the papers so he could read everything clearly. “I’m going to need glasses soon” the man thinks to himself but is to stubborn to actually go get them. After this. is done, he takes a quick lunch and heads out for his afternoon patrol of the city. He does a few heroic acts here and there, but overall the day seems to be quite boring. He is kinda glad because all he wants to do is go home and sulk. That is, until Sanji called.

“Sir, there is a bomb threat at Shibuya crossing!”

“Why are you calling me? Just send some of the sidekicks to handle the bomb.”

“Sir, he is asking for you and the whole crossing is being held hostage. The man has a dirty bomb, please!”

“Alright, I’m on my way!” He says as he rushes off a full speed.

As Endeavor arrives, he assesses the situation, and it’s not ideal. There are hundreds of people on the ground face down, the other hero’s and police and in a standoff with the lone assailant in the center. The man is dressed in tailored suit. Everything is fitted perfectly, not even a single strand of hair is out of place. How he managed to hold everyone hostage quickly becomes clear as he is voicing his demands.

“Ah! Endeavor, I was wondering when the number 2 hero would show up. Be careful what you do, as you can see, I am wearing this fetching bomb vest with matching dead man switch! See how it brings out the green in my eyes. Oh, I almost forgot, the rest of my ensemble is filled with anthrax, one of a kind thread thread makes this silky smooth lining. Plus, shoulder pads are coming back into to style this season, so why not make them special! As you can see, if anyone makes any wrong moves, all of these people will suffer because of you!” The man finishes his speech with an evil laugh. Endeavor knows that he can’t do anything which is just making him hotter as his flames grow brighter around his face. The villain takes one quick look at Endeavor. “Better watch your temper” he quips, “we wouldn’t want to get all hot under the col…..” The villain stops.

Everyone looks almost in shock as the villain has stopped completely. He can still move his eyes and blink but he is completely immobile. No one moves because they are afraid what ever is happening will end just as suddenly as it started. That is until one person gets up and starts walking toward the villain.

You are frail looking, very thin, eyes sunken in, bags under your eyes. Wearing tattered clothes with matching long shaggy hair, representing the years you have been on the street. Your eyes are the most startling part of you as your left eye is completely white with no sign of a pupil and the other is black with red glowing iris. You look at Endeavor and just say “Stand back” in a weak voice. You are so tired but you can’t just sit back and let people get hurt. As you walk closer to the villain, his eyes show more and more fear. He now knows it is you holding him still. Once your next to him, you place a hand on the bomb vest and give it all your attention. As this is happening, the other heroes are yelling their concerns for your safety. “Sir, it’s not safe” “You need to step back” “Sir are you alright?!” All of these go over your head as you are concentrating on the task at hand: saving these people.

Suddenly, the bomb vest starts to glow a little, just enough for Endeavor and the other heroes to notice. A flash of light and then darkness again as everyone notices the bomb is gone. Just as fast as the bomb disappeared, a large explosion happened overhead. “Was that the bomb?” “Did he teleport it away?” “What happened?” Hero’s rush to the villain and detain him. Endeavor approaches you because in his gut he knows something is wrong.

“How can this man have a teleportation and a body controlling quirk?” He thought as he gets next to you. Suddenly, you cough up some blood and collapse from the effort you put out. Everything was too much for you in the state you were in. Your body could not give anything more. Endeavor catches you and he looks right at you as you try to reach his face while barely being able to say “Help me…” as you pass out completely.

Next Chapter

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: Drunk last night (7/?)

Summary: The gang celebrates a very Belated birthday for Ellie. A little alcohol makes some secrets come out. And ellie drops a bomb on one of the guys.

Pairing: Ellie x Logan, Ellie x Colt

Rating: Mature

Catch up here.. and as always if you would like added to the tags.. lemme know

Song inspiration:

Over the next couple weeks Ellie and Luca spent A lot of time with both colt and Logan together and separate. Each forming a Bond with her. She knew both men wanted to have some kind of role in her life, as dad or an uncle. They decided to schedule the Paternity test, all 3 ready to know. Luca had a month left before school started, Ellie was adamant about showing here around parts of California, places that meant something to her growing up there. Logan planned for them to a race, see the track and meet the drivers. Colt planned a barbecue at his house for them, and so that Luca could meet Toby and ximena. And all 4 of them were going to the san diego zoo.

It was a Wednesday night, Ellie and Riya had their reoccurring girls night with Luca, while Darius kept Marcus.  They would have dinner, paint nails and once Luca went to bed talk about everything they couldn't in front of the kids. On this particular night Riya was acting odd, constantly looking out the windows checking her phone. Ellie started to have a panic attack,  the feeling took her back to running from the brotherhood. The doorbell rang, making her damn near jump out of her skin.

She walked over to the door with a shaky hand she turned the knob to see a girl standing there. “Stacie? Oh my god, what are you doing here?” Ellie threw her arms around the girl “I just moved here about two weeks ago and Riya invited me over. Ellie eyed her best friend “What are you up to?” Riya shrugged “Oh nothing. Ok don't get mad.” Ellie threw her hands up in the air “Oh god, what did you do now?”

“Don't get mad at me,” Stacie interrupted “I was talking to Riya about your birthday,  and how you haven't celebrated one in 6 years.”

Riya stepped in “So we want to go out and celebrate your birthday a few months late. This Friday night.” Ellie grinned “You guys really?” she hugged them both “But I can't. I have Luca.” Riya shook her head “Nope. Already taken care of. Your dad is keeping Luca. My parents are in, they are keeping Marcus for Dare and I.”

This would be the first birthday that she got to celebrate since she turned 18. Back when the path of her life took a sharp left. They spent the rest of their night chatting before the two women headed home.

That Friday night Ellie, Stacie, Riya and Marcus walked into the hopping club, they were lead back to a private area where Logan stood a broad smile on his face. “Happy birthday, Troublemaker.” He pulled her into a huge, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.  “Logan, you know its not really my birthday.”

“I know. But, we're making up for lost time. Just go with it.”

“Logan, you already know Darius and riya,” they said their hellos. “This is my friend Stacie from Langston.” stacie reached her hand out, Logan shook it “So you must be the notorious Logan I've heard so much about.” Logan cocked his brow at Ellie. “Hopefully all good things.”  he smirked.

Ellie watched the interaction between the two, a hint of jealousy twinged in her chest.

Her eyes locked with a set of Dark ones standing at the VIP entrance. “Colt?”

“Dont look so surprised, Riya invited us.” She gave him a confused look just as Ximena and Toby came in. “You guys all came?” She grinned, she was excited to hang out with them and then she spotted someone standing off to the side.  “Mona? Is that mona?” Colt shook his head. “Oh my God what are you doing here?” she wrapped her in a hug. “Good to see you too.” she could see a small smile threaten to break through her tough girl demeanor.

They all sat around the huge plush couches, a waitress bringing their drinks over. She found out Mona had gotten out of jail after spending 2 years in there. She headed east, but couldn't find a crew to settle in with. She came back to California and Colt gave her a job. After a few drinks ellie was feeling pretty giggly. She never drank more then a ritual cup of wine or two after a long week,  or a particularly rough day. Colt looked over at her as she downed another shot. “You should probably slow down, you're gonna end up getting sick.” she rolled her eyes. “I'm fine thanks.”

Riya and Darius were off on the dance floor, Toby and colt were talking by the bar.“Is that bothering you?” Mona motioned to where Logan was talking to stacie. “No. Yes. I don't know.” Ellie sighed. “Feels like the old day, huh X.” Mona let out a loud chuckle. “How so?” Ellie furrowed her brow. “Oh sweetie, you're staring at Logan while Colt cant take his eyes off of you.” Ximena placed a comforting hand on her. “Colts not starting. Hes talking to Toby.”

She motioned to the two seemingly deep in conversation.  “He may be talking. but his focus is on you.”

Ellie flicked her eyes up momentarily, sure enough locking with his deep browns. She could feel the heat filling her cheeks. “I need another drink.” she motioned for the waitress.  

After a few drinks she decided to walk up to the bar where Colt had seemingly taken up residency. “So what, you just gonna ignore me all night?” her words came out with much more  attitude than anticipated. Colt arched his brow “I'm not ignoring you.” Ellie slid up next to him, her side pressed against his. She placed her hands on the bar as if she were holding herself up and cocked her head to the sidez a mischievous smirk spread across her face. “What are you up to?” Colt cocked his brow at her.  “Noooothing.” She giggled as she bit her lower lip. “ What do you say we sneak off to the bathroom and, you know.” She gently rubbed his arm. “Ellie..”

“Is something wrong? You don't. You don't want me?” her bottom lip began to quiver.  “God No. No. Its not that. Its,” He ran his hand down his face “Jesus I cant believe im about to say this but.  Ellie you're pretty drunk. And as much as I would love nothing to make you moan my name. I don't want to do that in some nasty ass bar bathroom.” He squeezed her hand. She pulled away, angry. “Whatever Colt. You could have just told me you thought I was gross.” She sneered walking away, disappearing into the crowd.

She found a corner away from everyone,  she watched the people dancing on the floor, lost in thought.

“Enjoying yourself?” the deep voice pulling her from her drunken zone out. “Logan, Hi. Soooo kind of you to come talk to me.” she rolled her eyes. “Ok? Hey how about a dance?” He held his hand out for her. She took it stumbling as she stepped forward, breaking out in a cackle. “you alright?”

“Yuuup. Lets do this.” she followed him to the dance floor, wrapping her arms around him grinding her body against his. “Do you miss this?” She purred in his ear. “I'll always miss you ellie. But you're here now.”

She caught glimpse of Colt standing on the balcony, she could see his white knuckle grip on the railing from across the room. A thrill Rising inside of her.

She was still mad at him for leaving her behind all those years ago.  She understood Logan's reasoning but colt? He could have went with her or he could have taken her with him. They were married, you don't just leave your wife behind. And she was even more pissed he turned her down.  In her drunken state she could really care less for being mature about it.

Colts gaze was setting her on fire, a smirk played on her lips.  She turned around, her back side pressed against Logan's chest, she laid her head against it. Letting the rhythm of the music fuel her movements as Logans hands gripped her sides. “We shouldn't do this El. God you feel so good though.” Logan's voice hoarse in her ear. She continued to grind against him, she locked eyes on Colt who looked as if he was going to rip the railing right off.

She shrugged him off, she was a grown woman who made her own choices. She didnt have to answer to anyone, especially not Colt Kaneko. She turned to face Logan, now completely in the moment. His hands crept up and down her sides, sending a pleasant warmth throughout her.  It had been far to long since she had felt the strong hands of a man. “Kiss me colt.” she breathed out just inches from Logans lips. “Colt?” He pulled back, just as Colt pulled at her wrist. “Thats enough Ellie.”

She looked between the two, her head spinning. Did she really just call Logan Colt?

“We need to talk Ellie, alone.” Logan stared at her “She's not going anywhere with you. I think its time to go Ellie.” Colt snapped. “You dont have a claim on her Kaneko, who the hell do you think you are?” Logan stood his full height against him, colt easily matching him. “See pretty boy thats where you're wrong,” Colts lips twisted in a devilish smirk.  “I think its time my wife went home.” Logans eyes went wide. “You're fucking lying.” He turned to Ellie, desperately searching her eyes “Hes lying right? Tell me hes lying Ellie.” Colts wicked smirk grew wider “Go on Mrs Kaneko. Tell him.”

Ellie looked between the two, her stomach churning, panic set in. “I. I. I think im gonna..” she leaned down puking all over Colts feet.

Logan let out a wild laugh “Well, I'll let you handle that.” Colt rolled his eyes as he walked away.  “Come on El. Let's get you home.” Ellie started to walk losing her balance, colt grabbed ahold of her steadying her. He picked her up bridal style walking towards the exit. “Whats going on?” ximena question, and then looked down noticing the puke all over his legs and shoes. “Can you take ellie to her house? I'll follow you.” Ximena nodded. Colt laid ellie down in the back seat of Ximenas suv. “where are we going?” She moaned, her stomach churing. “were taking you home.” Ellie tried to sit up, panic written all over her face. “NO. My dad will kill me.” colt shook his head and chuckled “You're 25 years old Ellie,  pretty sure he wont.”

They pulled up to her house, colt grabbing her from the car carrying her to the door. He rang the doorbell, nervously awaiting her father to answer. He had never formally met him, and he wasn't sure just how he would act but he  wouldn't worry about that now. His only concern was getting Ellie home safely and into her own bed.

A few minutes later her father answered the door. His eyes widened at the sight “What happened?” he moved aside letting colt in. “She drank to much. I just wanted to.make sure she got home safe.”

“Hiiii Daddy.” Ellie groaned softly.

Her dad pointed him to her room, Colt got her inside laying her on the bed where Ellie started pulling off her dress. “wheres your pajamas.” He asked heading towards her dresser. “Hey! You'll see my underwear.” Ellie giggled.

“I've seen your underwear before, and you're in them right now.” He snorted as he rifled through her drawers. He found a tshirt and pulled it over her head. “Now. get some sleep.” He turned to walk away, Ellie already sound asleep. He walked out into the living room where her father stood. “Well, shes alseep. Sorry for bringing her home in that condition, I tried to tell her to slow down but, you know how she gets when she sets her mind to something.” Ellies dad chuckled  “Yeah. I do.” he looked down at Colts legs, seeing the colorful stain of Ellies vomit.

“She ah. Puked on me.” he gave a nervous chuckle. “I figured that. Why dont we get your shoes cleaned up. I got a pair of sweat you can change into. We can wash your clothes, but its probably best you stay over.” Colt tried to argue but his words fell short. Her dad came back and handed him a pair of sweats and pointed him towards the bathroom. He gave him a blanket and pillow and Colt laid down, his mind going a mile a minute.  

Just 6 years ago her father was investigating his father and the crew, and now he was laying in his house while ellie and Luca slept upstairs.

He woke the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee filling the air. He sat up from the couch looking towards the kitchen. “Morning Colt. Come get some coffee.” Colt stood, wiping the sleep from his eyes, he grabbed a mug and poured a cup, sitting at the table with her dad. “Thanks Mr Martin.”

“You're welcome, but its Frank. Call me Frank.” Colt nodded, the sides of his lips slightly pulling up. “So Colt, Can I ask you. what are your intentions with my daughter and granddaughter if you are her father?” Frank cut right to the chase catching him off guard.  

“Well Frank, I do not have a doubt in my mind that Luca is mine. And as far as Ellie,” He collected his thoughts “As far as Ellie,I still love her. And if she would have me, I would like nothing more then to spend the rest of my life taking care of them both.”  Frank sipped his coffee, nodding his head. “You know, I believe you. But what makes you so sure that Luca is yours?” colt sat his coffee cup down “Call it intuition. I just have a feeling and usually my feelings are right.”

They were interrupted by the sounds off footsteps coming down the stairs. “Morning sunshine.” Frank smirked Ellie groaned as she mindlessly made her way to the coffe pot, pouring a cup of coffee. She sat down at the table her eyes instantly locking with Colts. “what are you doing here so early?”

“I'll give you two a minute.” Frank got up and went up to his room.

“Your dad let me stay over. I wanted to make sure you were ok.” He smirked. Ellies eyes snapped shut remembering the nights events. “Oh god. I puked on you.”

“You did. But your dad tossed my stuff in the wash. It's all good.”

“Colt. You told Logan. Why did you do that?”

“I can't stand how he walks around so smug all the time. Like he's better because he is a semi famous race car driver now.” He scoffed.

“Colt. He isn't better than you.  You aren't better than him. You guys have got to stop this pissing contest, its been 6 years. Thats a long ass piss.” she giggled, causing colt to chuckle. “Yeah, maybe you're right.”

“We do need to talk about it though.  I was under the impression that you got the annulment Colt. Why,” She took a deep breath “Why didnt you?”

“Because When I asked you to marry me, it wasnt because we were under the stress of the what ifs.”

“Colt..”

“Dont. I don't need to hear it.”

“We were just so young. And were practically strangers now, its just. I think its better if we.”

“If we what?” He cocked his brow

“I think it's best if we get a divorce.” the words came out so rushed she barely understood them herself. But the look of absolute hurt on his face told her that he understood every word.

“You never gave us a chance. And now you're back, with my daughter and you want a divorce? Ellie we could be a family. You won't even try?”

“Colt. im sorry. Im not saying that nothing could ever happen with us. But if it does,  I want to start fresh.” She didn't try to correct him about being Ellie's father, he was hell bent on it and it would just add insult to injury.

Colt stood up Grabbing his eyes from the coffee table. “You night now believe it yet Ellie, but I'm going to prove to you that we belong together. Do what you gotta do." he walked to the door, pausing for a minute. "You know they say a drunk persons actions are a sober persons thoughts. And last night, told me alot.kore then you're letting on." He closed the door behind him. She heard his motorcycle start up and take off down the street.

She knew he was sort of right. She never did fully get over either of them. But she couldnt throw herself into a relationship with one of them, not right away. She had Luca to think about afterall.

She pulled out her phone finding Logans number.  She sent him a text, telling him she was sorry. A few minutes later she received a text back saying “I need some time. I will call u when im ready to talk.”

She had only been back a short time, but oh what a tangled web she had weaved.

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[tonystarkstan]

you’re still young (that’s not your fault)

Summary: Being a superhero? Hard. Being a superhero in high school? Harder. Luckily, he’s got Iron Man on his side.

or, five times Tony goes to Peter’s school and one time Peter goes with him to work.

Note: This is posted on my AO3, but it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, so I thought I’d share it here! I hope you guys like it.

“So like, the issue is that I like learning and I need to go to school to get a good education in order to be qualified for an actual career,” Peter tells Ned as they stand at their lockers.

“How is that an issue?” Ned asks in confusion.

Peter sighs dramatically. “I hate school,” he says, as if that explains everything.

Ned nods sympathetically. “Makes sense. Oh, the joys of social hierarchy. Also, I forgot the solubility rules, so I totally bombed that part of the quiz today. Which means I’m probably going to fail, which means I’ll be kicked out of school, which means I’ll have to work at McDonald’s for the rest of my life and live off of a minimum wage salary.”

Peter pats his back consolingly. “You and me both, man. School just proves what we already knew: the world is conspiring against us.”

Ned scoffs. “Okay, but at least you have Spider-Man,” he points out, saying the name quietly so no one overhears.

Peter gives him a weird look. “Oh yeah, loved getting bitten by a fucking radioactive spider. It was like getting a kiss from Mother Nature.”

Ned shrugs. “Who cares? You’re staying with Tony freaking Stark. How is that, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s great!” he says enthusiastically. “The man has, like, zero parenting skills, so I get to eat whatever I want, and we just stay in his lab all night.”

“Dude, your life is so not real,” Ned says incredulously. “Have you heard from May?”

“Yeah, she said she’ll probably be home this weekend. I think she feels bad, but her work really needed extra hands with the hurricane relief, so it’s fine.”

“Gotcha. Hey, what do you – whoa!” Ned exclaims. “What’s going on?”

As they turn the corner, as large mass of students clogs the hall, all trying to peer over each other to get a look at whatever’s caught their attention. Before Ned and Peter can get any closer, though, the crowd parts down the middle by a seemingly invisible force.

That is, until Tony Stark steps through.

As usual, he’s wearing a three-piece suit, his trademark sunglasses, and in his hands is – what the fuck? – a Spider-Man lunchbox.

Tony’s eyes lands on the pair of them, and he casually makes his way over to them, as if Iron Man walking through a high school is normal.

“Hey, Pete! I was just looking for you,” he informs Peter.

“Hi, uh, Mr. Stark. Um. Hi. What are you, uh, doing here?” he asks, trying to ignore all the blatant stares that are now focused on them.

“What? A billionaire can’t just come by to see his favorite mentee?” He’s smirking though, and Peter knows the superhero is taking great pleasure out of embarrassing him.

“No,” he retorts flatly.

Tony puts his hand on his chest dramatically. “Oh, how you wound me. Betrayed! By one of my very own! What ever did I do to deserve such treatment?”

“Jesus Christ,” Peter mutters. “What do you want? Ned and I were just about to head to lunch.”

“Ah ha! And that is where I come in. I am, as usual, here to save the day.”

Peter raises an eyebrow and gives him an unimpressed look. Tony huffs. “Sheesh, tough crowd to please, apparently.” He holds out the lunchbox. “Lunch. You left your’s.”

Peter thinks back, suddenly remembering that oh yeah, he definitely did leave his lunch on the counter. However, it’d been in his old Star Wars lunchbox that he’d had as long as he could remember.

Noticing his look, Tony gestures to the bag. “I took the liberty of getting you an upgrade. We all know how much you like Spider-Man.”

Yup, I’m definitely filling his Iron Man helmet with ramen noodles now.

“Wow. Thanks,” he says, sounding anything but. He takes the bag gingerly. “Now I won’t starve. A true hero you are. Really living up to your name.”

Tony pretends to blush. “You’re too kind. I’m just here as a completely selfless act of service.”

“Sure. So, can you, like, leave?” Peter says impatiently.

Tony shoots him an affronted look. “Well, I know when I’m not welcome. Which, let’s be honest, never actually happens because I’m a famous genius billionaire. But I really do have to get going.”

“Oh, thank god,” Peter breathes. Tony laughs and ruffles the kid’s hair, knowing it’s all in jest.

“See ya later, kid.” He turns to Ned. “And you – be sure he actually eats it.” Ned looks like he’s about to faint. And with that, Tony turns on his heel and struts out, leaving behind a bunch of astonished high schoolers. Peter’s pretty sure Flash’s jaw is about to hit the floor.

After a second of stunned silence, Ned looks over at Peter and smirks. “What was it you were saying earlier about ‘zero parenting skills’?”

Peter groans. “Shut up.”

Ned’s laughter is drowned out by the mass of students headed excitedly in their direction.

-

“Dude, you look like shit,” is how Ned greets him.

Peter doesn’t even have the energy to be offended. He certainly feels like shit, flashes of hot and cold racing through his body and forehead beading with sweat.

“It’s fine, we’re fine,” Peter says, not at all reassuringly.

“Yeah, okay,” Ned scoffs. “Why are you even here?”

Peter sags against his locker tiredly. “We’re supposed to be going over Shell integration and the Trapezoidal rule in calc today. I can’t afford to miss it. Also, we have decathlon practice after school today and MJ will kill me if I miss it. Again.”

He startles when a light slap meets the back of his head.

“Speak for yourself, loser. We don’t want your disease,” MJ says from behind him.

“Sorry, May raised me to always share,” Peter jokes. “Anywho, it’s too late for me to go home now. May’s already left for work. What a shame.”

MJ just rolls his eyes but Ned tosses him a doubtful look.

“Come on!” Peter protests. “Seriously, I don’t even feel that bad!”

Three class periods later, Peter’s more than ready to retract his earlier statement. He definitely feels that bad.

He’s in the middle of Anatomy class, and he can���t, for the life of him, keep his head up. His muscles are aching just with the small bit of effort it’s taking to use an arm to prop his head up, and he’s so, so hot but can’t seem to stop quivering.

At this point, he’s completely tuned out the teacher, entirely focused on trying to keep himself from throwing up in the middle of class because God knows Flash would never let him live that down.

His phone buzzes.

Chair Guy: dude

Chair Guy: you look like an actual zombie

Peter groans internally.

Friendly Neighborhood Peter: thanks.

Chair Guy: hey I have a great idea bc im a genius who goes to a smart kid school!!!!

Chair Guy: go :) home :)

Friendly Neighborhood Peter: no :)

Peter quickly puts his phone away, and he sees Ned shake his head in exasperation. The rest of the class passes by in a cloudy haze of sickness, and he blinks up blearily when a shadowy figure stands in front of him.

“Peter. Peter! Yo. Dude, come on, class is over. Even Dr. Arrington has left,” Ned informs him.

Peter groans, tossing an arm over his eyes with the thought that maybe if he doesn’t look at Ned, he’ll just go away.

No such luck. “Peter, if you don’t get up, I’m calling May.”

Immediately, Peter’s head shoots up, and he winces as the dull throb in his head intensifies.

“You can’t! She’s at work, her phone’s off anyway because she’s not allowed to be on it. Plus, I still have Calc! And Decathlon!” he protests, but even he can hear how weak it sounds.

Ned just rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty sure at this point, MJ would kick your ass if you showed up to practice. Go home and we’ll all send you a ‘Thank You’ card.”

Peter swats at him weakly.

“Peter, seriously. We gotta go,” Ned says, hoisting Peter’s bookbag onto his back. “Think you can get up?”

The vigilante stares at him blankly. Ned sighs.

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles to himself. “We are not fucking doing this.” Louder, he says, “Peter, give me your phone.”

The exhausted teen tiredly reaches into his pocket, groaning at how heavy an achy his arms are. He hands his friend the phone. If he were more aware of what’s going on, he ‘d be much more suspicious. However, at the moment, Peter wants nothing more than for his friend to stop talking so the pounding in his head will cease.

“Thank you. Stay here for a second,” Ned tells him, and Peter doesn’t even question it. Not like he could move even if he wanted to.

Maybe I can Uber to my Spanish class, his feverish brain thinks.

He’s not actually sure how long he drifts in and out of clarity, but at some point, he opens his eyes to feel a gentle hand carding its way through his hair, and he instinctively leans in towards it.

“Hey, Pete,” a soft voice says. It’s a nice voice, Peter thinks. Not too rough, but just enough gravel in it to create a low comforting sound. And it’s… vaguely familiar.

Peter lowers his eyebrows in confusion and wills his eyes to open – when did he even close them? – so he can see the owner of the familiar voice.

“There we go. He’s alive! A true miracle.”

Peter nearly closes his eyes again, because obviously he’s still dreaming. There is no way that Tony freaking Stark is kneeling in front of him, stroking his hair, and gently coaxing him awake. Not possible.

“Yeah, it’s me, kiddo,” Tony says, obviously reading the surprise on his face. “To be fair, I’m probably just as surprised at this development as you are, but your friend Ted, here –“ he gestures to said teen who offers nothing more than a shrug “ –called Happy saying that you’re dying, and we just happened to be in the area, and I also happen to be a superhero. So.”

Unreal, Peter thinks, and closes his eyes, ready to let unconsciousness swallow him whole.

“Ah ah – no. Nap time for the spider baby later,” Tony jokes, but Peter cracks his eyes open to see the worry lining his mentor’s face. “I say we blow this popsicle stand.”

Peter nearly sags with relief at how good that sounds. He’d do just about anything to sleep. But then he remembers why he’d been so determined not to stay home in the first place.

“I can’t!” he protests, finally speaking up. “Calc. Integration.”

Tony stares at him in disbelief, and then turns to Ned, who’s still watching the exchange with a look of awe.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” he asks incredulously.

Ned just gives him a long-suffering look and nods. “Yeah. He’s dumb.”

Tony scoffs. “That’s an overstatement,” he grumbles under his breath. Louder, he says, “Peter, you do realize that you’re literally talking to a genius, right? An actual engineer who literally built a flying suit? And the arc reactor? I think I can teach you some damn calculus. Goodness gracious.”

Peter just blinks at him. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh,” Tony repeats, but he can’t help surge of utter fondness that rushes through him at the sight of the tired kid, still pressing into the hand in his hair.

“Come on. Happy’s waiting for us. I’ve never actually dealt with a sick – anything – before, so this’ll be a great learning experience for the both of us,” Tony says conversationally. He gets up, groaning at the ache in his knees, and takes Peter’s bag from Ned.

Peter immediately lets out a whine at the loss of contact. The noise strikes a chord deep within Tony, and he tries not to think too hard about it.

“Sorry, kid. Come on, up you go,” he encourages, hoisting the kid to his feet. Peter sways tiredly on his feet, and Tony is quick to steady him.

“Whoa, I got you,” Tony soothes. He runs a quick hand over the kid’s forehead and lets out a low whistle at the heat that meets his hand. “Sleep. You need lots of it. So do I, actually. What do you say we get to Happy before the evil man makes us walk?”

Peter smiles weakly and nods, stumbling beside his mentor, thoughts going blurry again as they make their way to the front of the school.

As promised, Happy is waiting for them, and it takes a little while longer to wrestle the kid’s lanky limbs into the car and across the backseat. Again, Peter lets out a whimper at the loss of contact, and Tony coughs to cover the soft smile that’s threatening to appear as he slides in next to the teen.

And if his hands end up back in Peter’s hair?

Well, no one ever has to know.

-

It was a stupid argument, if you could even call it that. Really, it was just Flash being a dumbass, as usual. Which, usually is a thing that Peter can handle – is used to handling – but today is just not one of those days.

Patrol last night had been rough, more mentally taxing than usual. Peter’s not exactly sure what about it made it so, but it left him wired up with an anxiety that followed him into sleep, prompting unwelcome nightmares and flashbacks of a variety he hadn’t experienced in a while.

Truth be told, he knows it’s kind of his own fault. He’s been overworking himself, staying out longer and longer as Spider-Man, coming back by May’s curfew only to sneak out hours later when he hears her breathing even out.

Then he comes back and works on homework and studying, getting a mere two or three hours of fitful sleep, surviving mostly on coffee and pure, stubborn willpower throughout the day. This all does nothing to calm the ever-growing wave of anxiety.

So, to be fair, this was probably a long time coming.

Flash just happened to be the catalyst.

Peter and Ned sat in their usual spot in the cafeteria, Peter comparing his homework answers with Ned’s. When Flash walks up, Peter immediately tenses, already preparing himself for an onslaught of insults.

(And how stupid is that? He’s Spider-Man and yet he’s reduced to nothing at the mercy of a stupid high school bully.)

“Hey, Penis! Ready to get your ass beat in the science fair this weekend?” Flash mocks. And to be honest, Peter finished his project weeks ago in the confines of Tony’s lab, analyzing how robotics can be used to enhance prosthetics and make them more effective and efficient.

And, at this point, he’s so tired, he doesn’t actually care who wins. He never did, really.

“Isn’t ‘Penis’ a little old by now? Surely you can be more inventive than that,” Peter taunts. And yeah, maybe not his smartest move ever, but whatever.

Flash flounders for a second, unsure of how to respond, before his face clears again. “I could, but this one suits you best. It’s kind of iconic, don’t you think?”

“Hey, Flash, you know what’s funny?” Ned steps in suddenly, and Peter groans. “How Peter’s smart enough to land an internship with Stark Industries, and you haven’t even heard back yet.”

Flash flushes with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “Yeah, and how much do you suppose your little sidekick has to pay just to polish Tony Stark’s shoes? You know, there’s actually been speculation that there’s a something a little more – should we say? – kinky going on there,” Flash says with a suggestive smirk, and Peter immediately sees red at the very implication of his hero doing something like that.

“Shut the fuck up, Flash,” Peter snarls angrily, and Flash narrows his eyes at him coldly.

“What was that, Penis?”

Peter stands up, well and truly angry now. “I said ‘Shut up.’ You don’t know anything about him. And I’m sorry you couldn’t get an internship with him when I could, but I guess Stark Industries knows talent when it – “

A sudden flash of cold and wet leaves Peter sputtering. He barely registers the fact that Flash is standing in front of him, the cup in his hand totally empty, because the wave of anxiety that’s been building up the last few days decides then and there to pull Peter under.

No longer is he in his high school cafeteria. No, he’s back in the lake, alone and tangled and trying so hard to break free of his confines. The water is cold, seeps straight to his very bones, and against his will, his lungs take a desperate breath in, but all he gets is more water.

He can’t fucking breathe.

God, what if he dies like this? Just a useless body floating on a lake, and maybe it’ll be days before he’s found, and May – oh god, May! – will be left completely alone to deal with another bout of grieving.

And Peter – god, he doesn’t want to die, he’s not ready to do that yet, he’s supposed to graduate and watch the next Star Wars movie release with Ned and there are so many more people he needs to save, and also he’s just plain scared.

If only he could breathe.

“Peter!”

The unexpected and familiar voice shocks him, and he flails towards it, hoping it’ll bring him closer to the surface.

“I’m right here, bud, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” the voice tells him, and it sounds so convincing and real and soothing that he tries with everything in him to believe it.

“Hey, it’s me – Tony. I’m right next to you, and we’re both in your crappy school cafeteria,” the voice – Tony – informs him, and Peter frowns in confusion because Tony shouldn’t be here, he’s going to drown, too.

“Tony,” he gasps, hands finding purchase in warm fabric. Dry. It’s dry! But – what?

“Yeah, kiddo, it’s me. Open your eyes and look at me. It’s okay, I promise,” Tony coaxes him. And because he’s never had a reason not to trust him mentor, Peter cracks his eyes open, immediately cringing at the water that drips into his eyes.

“That’s it, good job,” Tony encourages, and Peter tries to let the sight of his mentor drown out the feel of water burning his nose.

“Mr. Stark?” he asks in a small voice. “W-what? I-I don’t – “

“Shhh, it’s all fine. You’re at school. You had a pretty bad panic attack. Your aunt wasn’t picking up, so they called me,” Tony explains. Peter takes in everything around him, drinking in the sight of the now completely empty cafeteria, save for him and Tony.

“I didn’t – I didn’t mean – I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, cheeks flushing red with shame. Tony gives him an incredulous look.

“Peter,” he says gently, reaching out to tilt the boy’s face up. “Look at me. You didn’t do anything wrong. You never have to apologize for something like this.” Tony’s gaze darkens suddenly. “The only person who should be apologizing for anything is the childish, cruel, immature bully who did this to you.”

Peter opens his mouth to protest. “No – it wasn’t his fault! He didn’t know that would happen.”

“And that makes it okay?” Tony scoffs. “No, kid. That’s all on him.”

Peter stays silent, not willing to admit the man is right, as usual. Tony studies him for a moment, then lets out a heavy sigh.

“How are you feeling now?” he asks the teen.

“Fine,” Peter lies instinctively. Tony just raises an eyebrow at him. “I don’t know. That – that wasn’t supposed to happen. Usually I have it under control,” he says, looking frustrated.

“It?” Tony prompts.

Peter tugs anxiously on his shoelace. “I guess sometimes I still think about the lake? Because I was tangled and stuck and it was – “ He cuts off, throat closing abruptly. Tony puts a hand on his shoulder, grounding him.

“Scary,” Tony finishes for him. Peter just looks down. Tony sighs again, looking more tired than ever. “Pete, you gotta keep me in the loop with these things. And if not me, then May or Ned or someone you trust. It’s okay to feel like this. Hell, I’m scared all the damn time.”

Peter looks surprised at the confession. “What?”

Tony laughs bitterly. “How do you think I became Iron Man in the first place? It was because I’m scared. My suit? It literally just started out as a physical manifestation of my anxiety.”

“Does it get better?” Peter asks, and he looks so small in this moment that Tony’s heart cracks right down the middle.

Tony hesitates before answering. “Yeah, kid. It does. But it takes a while, and it might not ever go completely away. You just have to communicate with us. Think you can do that?” Tony asks, looking Peter straight in the eye.

Peter swallows thickly and nods. “Yeah.”

Tony looks intently at him for another moment and then nods in satisfaction. He moves to get up and groans. “Fantastic. I think all that emotion just gave me heartburn,” he complains, rubbing his chest dramatically.

Peter smiles, the somber atmosphere broken. “Or maybe you’re just old,” he jokes.

Tony pretends to look offended. “Rude. Offensive. You owe me one whole compliment for that.”

“Nope,” Peter says. Tony nudges him gently.

“Oh, come on. No nice things to say about your favorite superhero?”

“Who said you’re my favorite superhero?” Peter smirks deviously.

Tony’s eyes widen in mock hurt as Peter gets up and starts to walk out without him. “Two compliments! Now you owe me two!” Tony calls as he walks after him.

And Peter’s answering laugh? Totally worth it.

-

First of all, the fact that aliens decided to attack New York City during school hours? Rude.

Which is Peter’s first thought when Tony calls him right before his fourth class of the day. It goes a little something like this:

“Kid. We’ve got aliens attacking New York – again, don’t they ever learn? – and it’s all hands on deck,” Tony informs him.

Immediately, Peter lights up with excitement, already feeling the first shots of adrenaline at even the thought of fighting with the Avengers again.

“Yes, of course!” he gasps excitedly, making a beeline for his locker to grab his suit.

“Great, meet us at – “

“Hey, loser,” MJ greets, not caring that Peter’s on the phone. “Where are your safety glasses? You need them for lab today.”

“Shit,” Peter mutters, feeling his heart drop to his feet, because normally, hell yeah, he’d skip class to go fight with the freaking Avengers! Except today’s lab counts as one of three big exam grades and he literally cannot miss it.

“What was that?” Tony asks, sounding preoccupied.

“Uh, Mr. Stark? Can the emergency wait, like, an hour?” Peter stammers. Immediately Tony’s full attention goes back to the teen.

“What?” he demands sharply. “Why?” There’s a pause in which Peter is more than reluctant to answer, but Tony catches on quickly and groans. “Oh, Jesus Christ. Let me guess: Spanish test?”

“Chem lab,” Peter mumbles. He can practically hear Tony rolling his eyes.

“Kid, you can make it up. New York needs you right now,” Tony says matter-of-factly.

“But, Mr. Stark! I won’t be able to make this up, she said the only way we can miss it is if we’re in the hospital dying or it’s an extreme emergency,” Peter protests.

“So aliens aren’t an emergency now?” Tony deadpans.

“I mean, yeah, but I can’t exactly go up to her and say that I need to leave for something like that!” Peter says delicately, conscious of MJ standing nearby with a bored expression. “Anywho, I’ll be there in like an hour tops, I promise,” he says quickly before hanging up, and oh boy, he’s going to get an earful for that later.

Immediately, his phone starts buzzing again but he stuffs it in his bookbag hastily. MJ gives him a weird look.

“Your boss is fucking weird,” she comments.

“Tell me about it,” Peter mutters as they walk into class.

They sit down at one of the lab benches and wait for their teacher to start giving them instructions. Today’s lab is the Synthesis of Aspirin, and yeah, nothing they’ve done so far is nearly as cool or advanced as his web fluid or the stuff he makes in Tony’s lab, but he’s still excited. And nervous. Because he really needs a good grade on this.

Once instructions are given, Peter and MJ start methodically setting up lab equipment. Peter’s getting the hot water bath ready while MJ measures out the salicylic acid when a sudden hush falls over the room.

Curious, Peter and MJ both look up to see what’s going on and Peter immediately wishes the ground would swallow him whole.

Tony is standing in the doorway.

He strolls in with calm strides and a casual confidence and walks right up to the teacher.

“Hello, Dr. Mead. I’m terribly sorry, but we need to take Peter out of class. There’s an emergency at Stark Industries, and it’s sort of all hands on deck. He’s our best intern, after all,” he says charmingly.

She looks flustered in a way that Peter never imagined he would ever see of his usually very collected teacher.

“Um, I understand, but this lab is an exam. Is there any way it can wait after?” she asks hopefully, and honestly, Peter admires her for not just immediately caving into him.

Then Tony takes off his trademark sunglasses and looks at her with such a stern look that Peter immediately resolves to buy her the best teacher appreciation gift ever.

“I’m afraid not. This is a matter of utmost importance. Surely you have make-up labs?” he asks in such a way that implies the only correct answer is yes.

Dr. Mead opens her mouth as if to protest before finally just settling on saying nothing at all, before turning to the back of the class, where Peter is resisting the urge to hide under the lab bench.

“Mr. Parker, you may be excused. We can discuss make-up times later,” she announces, and Tony smirks, triumphant.

Peter’s face burns with embarrassment as he grabs his bag and walks out the room, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

Tony ruffles his hair, and Peter swats at it in mock irritation.

“Was that all really necessary?” Peter demands when they’re alone in the hall. Tony shrugs.

“Nah. But then you hung up on me, and I’m petty,” he says. “But actually, I was already on my way to come get you. Cap, Nat, and Rhodes have got the situation contained, but they could really use some help, and we’re the only ones around.”

Peter, now that he’s not so worried about his grade, perks up with excitement again. “Man, this is so exciting!”

Tony gives him a fond look. Only Peter would find an alien attack exciting.

“Sure, kid. Now let’s go kick some alien ass.”

-

At first, there’s nothing to indicate why Peter’s spidey sense is suddenly going off like a blaring alarm.

His whole body is seizing with panic, everything in him screaming danger! But he strains his ears to listen for anything out of the ordinary and turns up empty, so he just shrugs and chalks it up to his anxiety going into overdrive.

Later on, he’ll hate himself for it.

Not even five minutes later, deep he hears it, clear as day: the crack of a bullet, one after another.

He shoots up in his desk, on high alert, and everyone around him starts looking around in confusion, not really comprehending the noise. For a second, he’s right along with them, not quite willing to believe that he’s hearing what he’s hearing, because no fucking way is this happening right now.

Then he hears the scream.

It cuts through the haze of the confusion that had clouded the room, and immediately Mr. Johnson runs to the door, knocking off the lights and covering the door window, and everyone is pushing to the back of the room.

Peter takes the moment of chaos to grab his suit out of his bag, and quietly slips out the other window, hoping that everyone was too preoccupied to notice.

“Hello, Peter,” Karen greets pleasantly.

“Karen!” Peter says urgently. “Call 911 and tell them there’s a shooter at Midtown. Contact Mr. Stark. Activate Stealth Mode.”

“Got it,” she says, and then a silence follows wherein Peter assumes she’s following his directions.

Without further pause, Peter quickly follows the sounds of students screaming and gunshots, praying and praying that no one’s bit hit.

“Peter,” Karen says, “Mr. Stark says to stay put; he and some of the crew are on the way, and so are the police. You are not to engage with the shooter.”

All it takes is another piercing scream for Peter to decide that’s definitely not what he’s going to do. He can hear students near the exits evacuating, but as he goes deeper into the school, it becomes eerily quiet. He tries not to focus on the hundreds of heartbeats skyrocketing in fear.

He rounds a corner and finds a student curled up under a water fountain, shaking and crying. She jumps and whimpers in fear when he enters her line of sight, eyes flooding with relief when she realizes who he is.

“Sp-Spider-Man,” she gasps, tears streaming down her face. He quickly shushes her, not wanting to draw any attention to them in case the intruder is nearby.

She shakes her head insistently. “H-He already c-came by. He’s at-at the classrooms b-by the audi-auditorium.”

Peter nods in determination. “I’ll take care of it. You need to stay hidden. If other people start running, join them. Stay quiet. You’re doing so good.”

And fuck, Peter doesn’t even know if that’s the right advice, because this is so much different than anything he’s ever dealt with before. These are his classmates – his friends – who’s lives are being threatened.

As he nears the auditorium, everything seems more still and foreboding, and he can hear a single set of footsteps walking calmly across the floor. Peter leaps up to the ceiling and rounds another corner.

He nearly falls back down at the sight that meets him.

The first door to his right his open, a body lay strewn in the doorway, and something in Peter’s brain shuts down, absolutely refuses to acknowledge the reality of the sight before his, refuses to go into the room in fear of what else he might find.

He hears gasps and soft sobs, but he pushes it all away and lets his gaze zero in on the figure at the end of the hall, gun raised towards another classroom.

The sound of the bullet, this time, is deafening, and Peter wastes no time before crawling until he’s just above the figure.

In the blink of an eye, Peter’s on top of him, wrestling the gun out of his grip and punching the guy with a ferocity that’s unfamiliar. He hits. And hits and hits and hits, because this guy attacked the wrong fucking school and those are Peter’s friends.

Peter sees red, flashes of anger and blood and oh god his friends, are they okay? And it hits him, suddenly, the gravity of everything that’s happened in the last ten minutes, the way his school will never be the same because of one person’s decision.

“Spider-Man, stand down,” a voice cuts through the haze, but he ignores it in favor of tossing another punch, but before he can, a metal hand wraps itself around his wrist.

“No!” he snarls. “This one deserves it!” He fights against the arms that wrap around his waist, thrashing against the hold.

“Kid. It’s me, Tony. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We’ll take care of him, you’ve done great. Your job here is done.”

With those words, Peter sags against his mentor, allowing the hard armor to support him and the weight of everything to sink in.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” Tony says, gently picking the young hero up and letting the police come in and take over. No one even bothers to question him. It’s common knowledge that Spider-Man and Iron Man are close, and no one is willing to get him in trouble for beating the shit out of someone who deserved it.

Tony cradles the kid’s head to his chest, no longer caring who sees, only focusing on getting Peter out of there. Steve, Sam, and Natasha can handle the rest, he figures. There are cops everywhere, and scared students are being rushed out in a line to meet desperate parents waiting for them outside.

Happy is waiting for them, and Tony has never been more grateful for his status as Iron Man than now; no one tries to stop him.

Tony quickly deactivates his suit and gets the kid in, settling them both into the back seat, and Happy wastes no time trying to push his car through the crowd, glancing back at the duo with deep worry etched into his features.

Peter hasn’t said a word, and they’re halfway back to the Tower, where May is meeting them, when the teen starts shaking violently, clinging to Tony.

“Oh god,” Peter sobs, pulling his mask off, and Tony absolutely breaks at the raw terror and grief on the kid’s face as the weight of what’s happened hits him. “Tony,” he gasps, pulling his mentor closer.

Tony wraps his arms around the kid, hugging him with an unprecedented fervor. “Shhh, it’s okay now. I���m right here.”

But Peter’s hyperventilating now, tears soaking the man’s shirt. “I-I couldn’t – I was too late. I think – I think – Tony, I saw – “ and he doesn’t get past that, because he can’t. He can’t make the words push past his lips.

If he doesn’t say them, maybe they won’t be true.

Instead, he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his face into Tony’s chest, crying violently.

And Tony? Tony doesn’t know what else to do other than murmur soft words of comfort that he knows are falling on deaf ears. So he settles back in his seat, Peter practically in his lap, and runs his fingers soothingly through the kid’s hair. It’s going to be a long road to recovery, he knows.

But he’s in this for the long haul.

-

“No.”

Tony stands against his desk, arms crossed and sending a flat look to Pepper, who’s looking at him with an equally determined expression on his face.

“Tony, come on,” she says in exasperation. “He’d be thrilled, and if nothing else, it’d be great PR. I think people would really like seeing you be so invested in an intern, personally taking him for a deeper look at what you do.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Pep, Peter’s already seen what I do. Hell, he practically lives in the lab after school. He literally has his own room here.”

“Sure, but he only ever sees Tony, his hero, mentor, and father figure.” Tony opens his mouth to protest that last label, but Pepper cuts him off. “Shut up, it’s true and you know it. Now, as I was saying, I think it’d be really beneficial for him to see you as Tony Stark, a business man, company owner, and employer.”

“The answer is still no!” Tony says.

And yet somehow, that conversation led up to now, with Peter standing awkwardly at his side at eight in the morning, staring at the main floor of Stark Industries with awe on Take Your Kid to Work Day.

“Mr. Stark, thisissocool!” Peter exclaims in one big breath. Around him, workers are bustling about. Tony, quite frankly, can’t believe he’s never taken his fake intern into the main part of his building. A careless oversight. It’s impressive, really, that the whole “internship” story has managed to hold up for this long.

“Whoa, calm down, kid,” he says, watching the kid fondly as he practically buzzes with excitement. Peter looks at him with wide eyes.

“What are we going to do today? Are you going to boss a bunch of people around? Build stuff? Paperwork? Now that I think about it, what do you even do?” Peter asks, sounding breathless. Tony just shakes his head in awe, wondering how after all this time, the kid can look at him like he hung the moon.

(And he would. He’d hang a thousand moons if that’s what Peter wanted.)

“Well, first of all, Pepper’s usually the one who bosses me around, so I’m sure you’ll get to see some of that today. We have a press conference at one. Oh, don’t worry, it’s no big deal. We’ll introduce you as one of SI’s interns and explain that I decided to take this day, when a lot of other kids would be around, to show you the ins and outs of what I do. They’ll love it,” he reassures.

And they do.

But Tony’s not surprised, really. The kid has a way of getting everyone wrapped around his finger.

Peter, awkward and nervous at first, quickly gains a bit of confidence, occasionally answering a reporter’s questions with typical teenage sass, but always with a soft smile so as not to offend.

“How did you two meet?” one curious reporter asks. Tony puts a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Well, this one here is a huge dumpster diver. I actually got an opportunity to see his skills at fixing and making tech with natural ease, so I encouraged him to fill out an application for the internship. His application was outstanding, to say the least, and the rest, as they say, is history,” Tony says with a smile.

“Peter, were you a fan of Iron Man even before the internship?” another reporter asks.

Peter laughs. “I mean, who wasn’t? But really, I was always a bigger fan of Mr. Stark himself. The work he’s done to create a clean source of renewable energy? That’s insane! I can only dream of making strides like that. I watched a documentary on his robots over the years when I was younger, and I remember thinking, ‘I want to be like him!’ It’s actually what led me to start dumpster diving and fixing old tech. I never even imagined it could lead me to work under the man who inspired me.”

Peter shrugs, missing Tony’s stunned gaze trained on him, while the reporters listen with rapt attention.

“So yeah. Iron Man is amazing and all, but the real hero is the man underneath the suit, which I think people like to forget. The suit isn’t heroic – it’s the man underneath it that is.”

Tony is speechless. Absolutely speechless and completely overcome with an emotion he can’t quite identify as Peter looks over at him and offers him a shy small, as if worried he’s maybe said something wrong.

Tony’s throat clogs with the amounting of affection he has for the awkward, precious, genius, and selfless fucking kid, and he’s nearly knocked off his chair by the force of it. He clears his throat roughly, before addressing the crowd that’s busy melting.

“As you can see,” he says, wrapping an arm around the teen. “I brainwash my interns well.”

The crowd laughs, and the spell of emotion is broken.

However, when Tony goes down to his lab that night, long after Peter’s been dropped back off at home by Happy, he finds a sticky note attached to one of his computers, the messy scrawl deeply familiar.

There’s only four words, but they make Tony’s heart swell in his chest.

I meant every word. -P

[randomlerson75]

Stuff people at my high school have said or done

• “I’ll just pretend I broke my ankle. I’ll limp a little”

• “You’re face doesn’t even have many bones”

• “Do you wipe your ass with your fingers”

• “I look cute though so I’m saving it”

• “They’re not dirty minded they just have a sexy brain”

• “This is not a good situation now. I’m not happy”

• *sleeping in class and randomly screams* “STOP!!!”

• “I’m coloring my weed symbol”

• “I stretch pretty violently I’m sorry”

• “I look like I’m more full of life than you”

•”I’m a good person” “haha ok”

• “I’m gonna round it to the nearest 11”

• “You don’t always have to swallow”

• “What a fucking time to be alive”

• “why are you harissing me”

• “That’s why you turn around and punch him in the face”. “I don’t have time”

• “You are the highest grade”

• “Does it taste normal”. “No it tastes good”

• “Why are we all up in this cold ass blueberry”

• “The sun can’t be that hot”

• “I could have overreached but that would make me stupid”

• “I’m all muscle bro, it’s tight on me”

• ”I’m a stripper that’s how I make my money”

• “You’re my mom” *talking to the teacher*

• “Are you high” “just get it off”

• *laughs normally* “you sound like a pedophile”

• “Pinkie ring until I roll”

• *about to jump off a cliff in a video for free diving* “push her”

• “Capitalism is ok”

• “It’s so funny how you can be alive one second and dead the next”

• “Change the m in marijuana to a j. Jarijuana”

• *teacher puts desk in the hallway*

• “He smoked water”

• “You can’t speak Latin” “Can you?”

• “May I acquire a pencil” “yes you may” “have a blessed day”

• “I’m going to write a book about how depressed I am”

• “God has forsaken me”

• *girls trying to stab each other with scissors*

• “I got a pretty long weenus. It looks like a penis”

• “My skeleton is twerking”

• *draws a skeleton twerking* “this is why it’s fun to learn art”

• “Why does he have eye holes?” “He’s a skeleton”

• “Don’t get my businesses ”

• “YOU ARE A WHORE”

• “love is so good”

• “Happy 17th day of birth”

• “You know it’s cold when you walk outside and it’s cold

• “why are you smiling like a creep Jess?” “That’s my normal face”

• “I’m living my best life, right here right now”

• *About thirty kids doing nothing but snapping*

• “Yes, I am very racist about smart boards”

• “I used to be like ;) but now I’m like :|”

• “Physically I’m here but mentally I’m still at home”

• “Emotions are like hurricanes. They never go where they are suppose too”

• “it took me a whole 27 minutes”

• “I would pay for the fire alarm to go off again”

• “Why did we get such a gay name like Florence”

• “this is my dad” *points to Albert Einstein

• *A REAL debate on wether to rip the clippy part off of mechanical pencils*

• “Not gonna lie. I grinded a friends marathon this weekend”

• “FINISH THE TEA”

• “You should know to never mess with another persons tech deck”

• “She has a thing against white people even though she’s white”

• “Speak of the devil. All white, what a fright”

• “You are a children”

• “You think a bull in a china shop? How about a bomb in a restaurant”

• “Me do”

• “I cheesed myself”

• “I never said I was going to jump you at Bojangles”

• “Knitting is VERY fun”

• “I’m not good enough, I’m great enough”

• “North Korea, South Korea, Same thing”

• *drops pencil* “NOOOOOOOOO”

• *light flickers* “excuse you”

• “You can make Australia bigger?”

• “Why don’t we burn people at the stake anymore for doing crimes. It was proven very effective”

• “It’s like I went into the pits of hell”

• “Can I borrow her crutches” “She has a lot”

• “You have arms?”

• “I was born thick”

• “I wasn’t sick I was drunk”

• “be a good person. Go go go”

• “Lotion and ravioli”

• “It smells like weed in here”

• “F*ck oxygen”

• “bring it back tomorrow or you die”

• “Tables are for glasses, not asses”

• “Stick it in between her boobs”

• “A lot of religions end in ism” “Christianiaism”

• “I just want someone to snort my ashes. That would be cool. Mix it with a little cocaine”

• “The United States of Australia”

• “Clark Kent who. I’m kidding, that’s not even Spider-Man”

• “Mental cheese”

• “Your blood is not supposed to make whistling noises”

• “Who sleeps on a Friday night”

• “A whole ass race”

• “that’s a sexy button” “I know right”

• *Screams* “and....”

• “Judaism is neither a religion or race”

• “Have you ever met someone and thought ‘wow. I would feel no remorse killing you’”

•“I hate this school with a burning passion”

•“Beep beep in your seats”

•“What is wrong with the world? The simulation is breaking”

•“What if we’re each other’s dad”

•“You use mental gymnastics to get around your head and get what you want”

•”You can’t just roll up to North Korea. You have to beat me in bingo”

•*teachers wear a dress and played despacito on the trumpet*

• “He’s a stingy boi”

• “A for anarchy? Dude i wish”

• “shut up I’m choking”

• “The snack the smiles back” “GOLDFISH!!!”

• “Where’s the pointy boi?” “I don’t know. I have the thick boi”

• “Dude. Fish can’t talk”

• “Stop taking my eraser” “it’s a ruler” “it can be whatever it wants to be”

• “A female vacuum is attractive”

• “I can love you but not like you”

• “I am mother gothel mentally, physically and spiritually

• “Mother gothel is my religion”

• “IM GETTING A COW!!!!”

• “It’s like Leonardo Da’Vinchi but instead it’s Leonardo Decaprio”

• “I wish I had some crippling disease. Schizophrenia would be nice”

• “I’m gonna kill someone for the rush of adrenaline I’ll get. I’ll get pumped, then I’ll work out”

• “Should I become an important political figure”

• “My cats might have eaten him”

• “Who else is trying to overthrow the government”

• “Where’s our kid?” “He looked at me funny and I had to teach him a lesson. I flushed him down the toilet”

• “I text Jesus all the time”

• “You are a saucy boi”

• “Your neck is really soft. Do you know that?”

• “Um. No professor. I don’t give a fuck”

• “Bro I look like a whole ass beetle”

• “You know? I’m definitely going to hell. But I’ve accepted that”

• “We need to go to the woods and have a collective cry”

• “Moths = whore”

• “Can we watch more food videos”

• “Just outlive the old people and health care prices can go back to normal”

• “Let’s just start the gladiator games again to handle population”

• “I’ll be Michael Phelps”

• “Don’t you just hate it when Nolan steps on your 69 Barbie head”

• “He’s so 20”

• “LITTLE BOY! WHERE ARE YOUR NIPPLES”

• “You guys disgust me”

• “I thought I had a good nights sleep but then I stood up and was like ‘oh no’”

• “you look better as an apple”

• “Why the fuck does it smell like weed in here. Mrs. Burch be blazing it up”

• “What is the coast of South Carolina growing” “Fish”

• “Why are we here on Halloween but not on Thanksgiving”

• “Even though I’m 18 I still might go trick or treating”

• “All minors should be allowed to trick or treat”

• “Tomorrow is not today, is it?”

• “ah yes, the glorious uno and dos”

• “I think Kanye is a crackhead”

• “Like. She’s not hideous”

• “Casserole and Gatorade?”

• “That’s what Google’s for girly”

• “this class has corrupted me”

• “You stepped on my fat”

• “What would Jesus do?”

• *Squeaks kazoo in anguish*

• “We’re going to watch a video about the depression” “weird, nobody has been following me around with cameras”

• “Approximately 50 minutes till ice cream”

• “Did you know heroin is not good for you?”

• “I have the constant need to fight myself and my demons”

• “what the hell?” “I know”

• “you are crack-a-lakin me up”

• “I have no muscles so what’s the point”

• “Flex on the legless”

• “didn’t that movie come out in November? Fifty shades of green?”

• *County music blares from another class down the hall*

• “I got a twin brother” “What’s his name” “Pj”

• “Keep the iPhone in your ear”

• “Super white red lipstick”

• “They just need a lot more dollars”

• “Don’t be like Anthony” “Isn’t he your son”

• “There’s a lot that needs to happen in the next.... today”

• *Plays bagpipe music walking down the hallway*

• “Say sorry to Billie Eilish”

• “We should make army merch”

• “Some of us have bitch lips”

• “Time is moco loco”

• “Alfred Adler sounds like Adolf Hitler”

• “Albert Einstein is my favorite president” “YES”

• “It’s winter berries”

• “She just unfollowed your ass”

• “Do you ever get so mad you’re like rrrrr”

• “Bear Grills filtered that shit”

• “The US army is trying to recruit us with socks and bandannas”

• “This dude tastes bad”

• “I’m a sophisticated retard”

• “It’ll get your heart rate up” “I think asthma will make my heart rate go down”

• “She was like egh and the he was like EGH”

• *Door won’t open* “DISRESPECTFUL”

• “if she wasn’t my sister she would be my baby”

• “Will you let me make love to an Oreo”

• “Directions turn me on”

• “I’ll eat you” “Dude that’s gay”

• “you’ve been had a 69 in here”

• “I’m gonna be real with you. Hayden is a whole ass lesbian”

• “I’m sorry that picture is ugly. Sorry sis”

• “A whole jump suit with pikachu on it”

• “He’s been birthed”

• “Ru Paul’s drag race has been dragged”

• “Imma sip some chlorine”

• “why do you gotta throw up”

• “suicidal dog collar”

• “I’m pulling out Murphy’s head ass”

• “you’re gonna be single forever”

• “Do you trust me?” “No” “why” “you know why” “I told the truth after”

• “I didn’t mean to make her suicidal”

• “I did it in the most respectful way I possible could” “oh Jesus”

• “it’s not my fault she had that much of a connection”

• “she’s a sly bitch”

• *dresses in a Thomas the train hat and plays Thomas the train theme song on a piano*

• “I’m getting better at this” “what” “this”

• “It’s just my master plan to manipulate people’s emotions and have many successes in my future”

• “How do you do that” “I just empty my eyes”

• “You know what. Give me my birthday back”

• “Bitch bye. Not even cousins”

• “they go away. They don’t putt putt”

• “why” “so you don’t die in a police chase”

• “are you a virgin” “yes” *throws paper* “there’s my virginity for you”

• “I’m not stupid. I’m just not smart”

• *tries to hit someone with a decapitated mannequin head that has swim goggles on and fake blood coming out of its eyes*

• “you ignant”

• “I hope she chokes”

• “I had to sit at the edge of my chair, feet flat on the floor and hold my horn”

• “I don’t want to get my freaking hair done”

• “he hates my moms guts” “yeah no shit”

• “ok. Can you go cry over there”

• “Fuckin Jurassic world”

• “will you please beat up my mom”

• *drops phone purposefully* *immediately gets scared*

• “I want a new mom” “then break her”

• “did you just say what’s frog juice”

• *freshman walk by* “oh shit there’s a parade of them”

• “that five year old king is a queen”

• “Join the ranks”

• “Garrett’s carressing the computer” “cool”

• “You’re going into my dragons mouth”

• “Don’t snap my crab”

• “Crab breaking black belt”

• “are you milking the crab”

• “Cameron buttered my lemons”

• “Mixed with god”

• “What’s the juice”

• “I’m your bestie and you won’t even tell me the juice”

• “Let’s amazon.com this”

[babyioniive-blog]

fight for me

summary: Lydia and Calum have a history together. Calum is an illegal fighter and Lydia left to escape When Lydia comes back into town, unspoken feelings rise to the surface and new challenges arise. 

word count: 14.8k

a/n: i’ve worked on this bad boy longer than i’d like to admit. This was inspired by @cakesunflower her stories about fighter or boxing got me thinking and I came up with this. This is in no way trying to copy her work!!! I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. 

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“Olivia please don’t drag me with you” I begged as my sister dragged me to the underground arena. “You need to get out more Lydia.” Olivia exclaims to me. 

The last time I was in that arena was when I saw him get knocked out cold. Calum Hood is an illegal boxer and also, my ex-boyfriend. Olivia dragged me to one of his fights one time because her boyfriend, Ashton, trains and manages him. We met at the afterparty and just hit it off from there. We bonded over our taste in music and our shitty taste in beer. I stuck with him through everything. I was there when he got more involved in the ring. I knew the fighting was getting to be a lot for him and when I saw him almost die, I couldn't do it anymore. I knew how much he loved the feeling of it. I knew how he loved the exhilarating feeling of when he won a tough fight. It was the highest of highs for him. And he was pretty damn good too. I loved being there to support him but, after that day I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke it off with him and went to college. I couldn’t make him choose between me or boxing. That was selfish so, I chose for him, thinking I was doing the right thing. It wasn’t the right thing. I made the mistake. 

“Everyone there hates me. You don’t understand.” I say exasperatedly. “No they don’t Lyd.” Olivia says tiredly. “They may not but I know Calum does. I haven’t spoken to him in a year Liv. He doesn’t want me there.” “If there is one thing I know, he wants you there, always.” Olivia says to me. “Not after what I did.” I say and stop dead in my tracks. “I broke it off with him. I made the choice. I haven’t talked to him in so long. He hates me and it’s all my fault. I can’t show my face there. It’s not fair to him.” I finish. “You’re going. You need to see him. He’s good now Lyd. He’s better.” Olivia says trying her best to convince me to go willingly. “Ugh you’re not gonna take no for an answer.” “No I’m not so just make this easy.” Olivia says as I relent. 

We get there and all of the memories come rushing back to me. The smell of burnt hotdogs. The sound of loud people and loud music blasting. I recognize the regulars. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” I mutter. This reminds me of his highest of highs and lowest of lows. I see the ring and it all hits me. I think of the times when he came out with blood dripping everywhere or when I thought he wasn’t gonna come out alive. I think of the bruises on his calloused hands. I think of the times he sat on my counter as I cleaned up his gashes. The feeling was overwhelming. 

Olivia guides me to where Ashton and his other friends Luke and Michael are. “Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. It’s nice to see you again Lydia.” Luke says as he sees me and pulls me in for a hug. “How have you been?” Michael asks as he hugs me too. How have I been? I don’t even know the answer to that. “I’ve been okay. School has swallowed me up.” I say not making eye contact. “How are you?” I ask back. “I’m good. Busy here keeping things on track.” He says. I just nod. Olivia and Ashton are talking. Ashton turns to me and whispers to me, “I know this is hard for you. Thank you for coming.” I just nod and smile nervously. He had no clue. “Does he know I’m here?” I ask him. He shakes his head and my face falls. “Great.” “Hey don’t worry about it. I think he’ll be happy that you’re here.” He says trying to reassure me. “Ashton, you and I both know he won’t be happy.” I said to him. He just makes a sad face and changes the conversation. “Who is he fighting tonight?” I ask and nobody answers my question. “Hello?” I say again. “You wanna tell her?” Luke asks as he looks to my sister. “He’s fighting Damon Banks.” Damon Banks. I knew that name from anywhere. He was one of the toughest fighters. Calum always talked about how his goal was to beat him. Damon was dangerous. He’s left people in that ring close to dead. He can’t be fighting him. “I’m sorry. He’s fighting who?” I asked again. “Listen I know you’re confused but he’s grown so much. Since you left, he’s improved a lot. He can beat him.” Luke says to me. I just stay silent. Since I left he said. That hurt. 

It was almost fighting time so Ashton went over to Calum's corner to hype him up. He’s gonna need it for this one. “I think you should know something before you go on.” Ashton said to him. “What is it?” Calum asked. “Lydia's here.” Ashton said and his eyes widened. 

It looked like that bomb hit harder than any punch could. He looks over sees me. We made direct eye contact. Great. The announcer comes on and announces the fighters. The fight was about to begin. 

The fight was brutal. He was down, battered and bloody. He almost lost but he found the strength to get up. With that he beat Damon with one punch. 

He won.

 Calum won against Damon Banks. Once he stepped out of the ring, Ashton greeted him with a towel. The feeling Calum felt had to have been euphoric. “Congrats man! You deserved that win.” Ashton says to him and he just smiles at him. “My man!” Luke greets him as he pats his back. “That was amazing Cal. Im proud of you” Michael says to him. “How do you feel?” Olivia asks. I try my best to stay behind. “I feel” he pauses “amazing.” That’s the first I heard his voice in a year. His deep raspy voice brought me back. Olivia whispers to me “You gonna speak Lyd?” “No.” I say back. She gives me a knowing look. Calum turns to me and says, “Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.”

 I feel my breath hitch in my throat. “Hi Calum.” Is all I can think of saying. I mentally hit myself. “I’m gonna give you two a second.” Michael says and with that, they all go, leaving just me and Calum. I look at him and say “You dyed your hair blonde.” He chuckles “You cut yours.” He replied. “That tends to happen at 2am post mental breakdown.” I say back hoping the ground swallows me up. “Why are you here?” He asks. “Well, you want the honest truth or what I tell people so they don’t question me?” I ask. “Both.” “So I've told people I’m taking a gap year so I can catch up with family but the truth is, it’s so depressing at college. Everyone are assholes and it’s caused my anxiety to go crazy so I’m taking a break for my mental health.” I say honestly. “M sorry to hear that.” He replies. “I should be apologizing to you.” I say to him. He just shakes his head. “Tonight is too good of a night to be bothered with the past.” He replied. “I agree.” I turn to walk away and he goes to change and get ready. 

“Where are we celebrating?” Michael asks. “Party at my house?” Olivia asks and I glare at her. “Come on Lyd, ease up.” Olivia says. I just nod my head. This is so not how I wanted to spend my night.

At my house, it's me, the boys and a few other people from Calums gym. Olivia is drinking. I’m not really in the mood for all of this so I sit in the corner of the living room. I decided to go outside for some air. I just sit on the patio taking it all in. I watch the stars for a while. I don’t even realize it’s almost 1am. Soon i’m joined by someone. I turn around and see Calum and give him a small smile. He comes and sits down next to me and takes out a cigarette. We sit in silence. I’m the first to break the silence. 

“Those are gonna kill you one day.” I say to him. “Me and you both know that I have a better chance of dying inside that ring than by this.” He says as he looks at me. “That’s why you left isn’t it.” Calum says. Is it? Is that what he wants to hear? “I thought you didn’t want to talk about this tonight.” I reply. “Call me curious.” He mutters. “To answer your question, It was a part of it yes.” I paused “After seeing you almost die multiple times in that ring, I just couldn’t do it Calum.” I say looking at my feet. “You could’ve talked to me.” He said. “I didn’t want to make you chose. That’s selfish of me.” I say as he stays silent. “I regret it.” I finish. “Me too.” He says standing up. “You didn’t do anything.” I mutter to him. “I didn’t fight for you.” he pauses “and I fucking hate myself for it.” he said walking away but stops before he gets to the door. “and for the record, if you did make me choose, I would've chosen you.” He says leaving me speechless and with that he walks inside. 

I decided to go to bed and think about the night's events. The love Calum and I had was a once in a lifetime thing. We were each other's everything. I never stopped loving him, and I don’t think I ever will. 

                                                        ******

The next morning I woke to be greeted by 3 men in my kitchen. “Did anyone leave last night?” I question. “A few did. Calums in the bathroom.” I nod and go to the cereal. “How did that go last night? I saw you guys talking outside.” Luke ask. “It went okay. We kinda talked about it.” I said. “Please don’t hurt him again.” Luke replies. I stopped dead in my tracks. “What do you mean?” I asked. “I mean, that when you left Lydia, he was devastated. He was hurting bad. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces again” Luke responds. “Mate I think now isn’t a good ti-” Ashton starts but I interrupt. I’m not doing this right now. He has no clue what I went through. It wasn't an easy choice. “You think I wasn’t devastated? You think that I wasn’t hurting too?” I pause. “That choice was the hardest fucking choice I’ve ever had to make. It was stupid of me not to talk to him about it yes but I was hurting too. You have no clue what I went through either. Knowing it was my fault too. You have no clue. No fucking clue Luke. You don’t know what it’s like to see someone you love, go into that ring and not know if they’ll make it out alive. I loved him, fuck I still do and I always will but that’s not why I’m here. Don’t you think for a second that I wasn’t hurting too.” I finish and Calum walks out of the bathroom and with that I walk back upstairs. “The fuck did you say to her?” Calums questions. “Just that I didn’t want her to hurt you again.” Luke replied. Calum clenches his jaw and just says “Stay out of it.” After that, silence fills the kitchen. 

Eventually they all left to go to the gym to train. Calum had another match tomorrow. Ashton was having a mini get together with Olivia and the boys and he invited me. Dinner, some drinks. “Lydia please come.” Olivia begged. “So Luke can humiliate me in front of everyone again? no thanks I'll sit this one out.” I pleaded. “Calum told him to stay out of it. He won’t try anything. I promise.” Calum did what? Why would he defend me? I eventually considered it and decided to go. 

We walked in and I'm greeted by Ashton and Michael. Luke is on the couch and Calum is outside having a smoke. I decided to go into the kitchen and get a drink. After all, I’m gonna need it tonight. 

“You haven’t changed at all have you?” I’m greeted by Calums raspy voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I look at him in question. “You still drink that shit?” He says chuckling. “I rarely drink but if I see this in someone’s fridge I’m bound to take it.” I reply back. He walks over to me. “Sorry bout Luke earlier. He shouldn’t have said that.” he said sincerely. “He’s looking out for you. I deserved it anyway.” I mutter. “Listen I know it was a tough choice for you to make. You were hurting too. You didn’t deserve it.” he said. Why is he looking out for me? I hurt him. I fucked up bad. I broke his heart and it was my fault. “Why are you talking to me? Why don’t you hate me after what I did? I fucked up majorly and yet you still associate with me.” I said to him. “I couldn’t hate you even if I tried. What you did… fucking hurt.” he paused  but “I know I wasn’t the only one hurting. Your sister told me a little bit after you left.” he replied to me. I stayed silent. “Do you regret it?” He questions. Yes. “More than anything in the world.” I reply honestly. “Can I ask you one more thing?” His jaw clenched. I nod. “Would you have stayed if I quit?” he asks. I think about it for a second. “I would’ve never asked you too but yes, I would’ve. I wish I never fucking left.” and with that I get up and move to find Olivia. I wanted to go home. 

“Can we leave please? I’m getting overwhelmed.” I ask her once I find her. “Lyd I drank I can't drive.” she says to me. “I will.” I hear from behind me. I turned around to see calum standing  there with his hands in his front pockets. “I haven’t drank.” he mutters softly. “o-okay” i stutter. We walk to the car and start driving. It was almost completely silent. “Are you fighting anyone good tomorrow?” I asked. “Nah. Just an amateur. probably will just be a 3 minute match.” he replied. I hummed. “Are you coming?” He asks. I see hope in his eyes. “Do you want me too?” I ask back. “I always said you were my good luck charm.” With that he smiles a little and I feel my cheeks go red. “I’ll go. Only if you want me too” I reply. “I do.” Before we knew it, I was at my apartment. “Thanks for the ride.” I say. “Course. See ya around.” He replied. I simply smile and nod. He waits until I’m in before he leaves.

 Tonight was eventful. I go take out my contacts and get ready for bed. Right before I turned out the light my phone buzzed.

Calum

Thanks for your honesty. See you tomorrow.

Wow. Do I even respond? 

Lydia

Thanks for hearing me out. See you then. 

With that I just went to bed. I don’t want to fall for him again. I can’t, fall for him again. I don’t want to experience the pain I felt again. I don’t want to be terrified of him doing something he loves. He said he’d quit for me but how can I ask him to do that? I don’t want to feel then pain but I miss the love. I miss the feeling of being in his arms. I miss the feeling of waking up next to him. I miss hearing the ‘I love you’s” before and after every match. 

I miss the feeling of being loved. 

                                                 ******

“Wake the fuck up Lydia.” Olivia yells in my face. I jolt awake “What? What do you want?” I ask. “Get ready we’re going to breakfast. Well, lunch now because you took forever to wake up.” She exclaims. “Number one, what time is it? Number two, with who?” I ask groggily. Please don’t say Calum. Please don’t say Calum i think to myself. “It’s 11:00am and Ash and Cal.” Of course. “Is this some weird way of saying we’re going on a double date because I don’t think I’m ready for tha-” She cuts me off. “No it’s not. It’s me saying you two are gonna fix whatever your problems are so it’s not weird to hang out together.” “He asked me to go to his match tonight. I think we’re doing just fine.” “Look at that. Progress. Now get ready. Ashton is picking us up in 30 minutes.” “I hate you.” I mutter and throw a pillow at her as she walks out. 

I get up and quickly get ready. Ashton pulls up and we get in the car. Of course Calum is in the back seat with me. “Good Morning” Ashton exclaims. I just say it back quietly and crawl in the back. “What’s her problem?” Ashton asks gesturing toward me. “I woke her up and she wasn’t happy.” Olivia explains and he just nods and kisses her. I sit in the back with Calum. “Good morning!” He says to me. Someones offly cheery today. “Good morning.” I say back. “How’d you sleep?” He asked. Shitty. “Couldn’t get my mind to settle so I didn’t really sleep.” I say back. He looks at me with a look that’s hard to read. “M sorry. Any reason in particular?” You, I wanted to say. “Everything.” I say back shrugging. “How did you sleep?” I ask. “Couldn’t get comfy. Bruises all over from my fight with Damon.” He replied. “I bet. It was a gnarly fight.” I reply. “Yeah but I feel better knowing that he looks much worse.” He chuckles. I laugh and the car is filled with silence other than the radio. It’s a comfortable silence surprisingly.  

We get to the restaurant and sit down. Olivia is next to Ashton and I’m next to Calum. I swear Olivia does this on purpose. Calum and I used to come here together all of the time. “What are you guys getting?” Ashton asks. “I’m getting the-” I start but before I can finish Calum steps in with, “The belgian waffles with strawberries on it and on the side.” “You remember.” I say to him. “How can I forget? We used to come here twice a week.” He said looking into my eyes. Olivia and Ashton just watch the interaction in silence. Soon the waitress comes over and takes our order. The table is filled with small talk. “So Lydia how’s college been?” Ashton asks and Olivia and Calum just look at me. “Um it’s okay.” I reply not wanting to elaborate on the subject. Olivia gives Ash a look and all of the sudden I feel coldness on my thigh. I look down and see Calums ringed fingers on my leg. I feel my breath hitch in my throat. I look at him and he gives me a reassuring look. After that Olivia asks “Calum are you ready for your fight tonight?” “Yeah. Shouldn’t be too hard.” He replied taking his hand off of my thigh. Our food comes and we all eat. Surprisingly this wasn’t that bad. We were eating and things were going fine until ashton gets a call. “Hello? I’m kinda busy right now what’s up?” He said into the phone. “What? Luke slow down. What happened?” We all look at Ashton in concern. “He wants a rematch? For what? Cal won fair and square.” I look at Calum concerningly and he has a blank look on his face. “Okay give me a few we’ll be there. I’m with the girls.” 

Ashton hung up and Olivia asks, “What’s going on?” “Damon wants a rematch. He came to the gym and basically ambushed Luke and Michael.” “Are they okay?” I ask. “Yeah they’re fine. He threatened them and-” It was Calums turn to speak. “Threatened who?” 

“He threatened Lydia.” 

The world stopped spinning. Me. Why me? They all stare at me. “I’m gonna kill him.” Calum muttered as his jaw clenched. “Why me?” I ask quietly looking at my hands. “He saw you there that night and he heard us talking to you. He figured you were close to Cal. Lydia I’m so sorry.” Ashton explains. Calum just looks at me. He doesn’t know what to say but neither do I. We pay and leave and go to the gym. 

We’re in the car and Calum grabs my hand reassuringly, “He won’t touch you. I won’t let him.” I look into his eyes. Why me? I just came home. I didn’t ask for this. I just look into his eyes and softly nod. 

We arrived at the gym to be greeted by Luke and Michael. “Tell me exactly what happened.” Calum demands. “H-he stormed in here and demanded to see you or Ash but when I told him you weren’t here he got pissed. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and demanded a rematch and that if he doesn’t get it he’s gonna-” He stopped and looked at me worriedly, “He’s gonna what Luke?” Calum yelled. “He’s gonna find L-Lydia.” Calums jaw clenched. Olivia just grabs onto me and hugs me. I stare blankly. Calum looks at me softly “From now on, you don’t travel alone okay? You stay with one of us.” I just look at him and nod. “He wants a rematch? I’ll give him a fucking rematch.” Calum mutters and storms into the locker rooms. They all look at me like I’m about to break. “Are you okay Lydia?” Olivia asks. Am I? I mean, I just got told a big scary man is after me just because he wants to fight my ex-boyfriend. “I don’t know.” that's all I can say right now. “I’m gonna go check on Calum.” Luke says and goes to the locker room. “He’s probably gonna come to his fight tonight.” Ashton mutters to us. “Calum asked me to be here tonight.” I tell him. “I don’t know if he’ll want you here now.”  “He won’t want her alone.” Olivia mutters. 

Calum and Luke walk out. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” Calum asks me. “Yeah.” We walk over to the other side of the ring. “I’m so sorry this is happening.” He says refusing to look me in the eye. “It’s not your fault.” I say back. “It is though.” “No it’s not Cal. You didn’t ask for that to happen. You didn’t know it would.” Cal. I haven’t called him that yet since I’ve been back and I think he noticed. He looked up at that. “I won’t let him hurt you.” He says to me. “I know. I trust you.” I paused. “Ashton said something that he might be here for your match tonight. I don’t know If you still want me he-” he cuts me off “I’d rather you here than home by yourself.” He said. “I figured. I just wanted to make sure.” I said to him. “I need to get training. I’ll see you around okay? Please don’t go anywhere alone. I- I don’t know what he’s capable of.” He said worriedly. “I won’t.” He said something under his breath but i heard him anyway, “I’m not losing you again.” 

And with that, he stalked off to train and Ashton took Olivia and I home. The car ride back was silent. It was deafening. He walked us in and I locked myself in my room. 

I just left college to give my head a break and now this happens. I’m being stalked because some guy wants to fight Calum. Why me? I left to escape this. Calum has fought some pretty rough guys but they never went to the extent of this. They never threatened anyone outside the ring, let alone me, someone he hasn’t spoken too in a year. 

                                           ********

After a while I hear a knock on the door, “Hey Lyd, we have to get ready to go.” Olivia says as she peeks her head in. I nod and get up. I walk downstairs and I’m greeted by Ash. “Hey we have to go now. Calums already there but I need to be there soon. He doesn’t want you guys going alone.” We just nod in response and go to the car.

Once we get there I see Calum in the ring training. He glances at me and nods. I returned the gesture and continue to watch him. Luke was certainly right. He has improved. I mean, he had quite the motivation.

 Soon it’s time for the fight and he’s about to go on. He comes over to us and asks Luke, “Has anyone seen him?” He shakes his head. “We have people looking everywhere and there’s no sign of him anywhere.” Luke say and Calum just nods. I don’t even know what he wanted the answer to be. He’s about to go on but I stop him, “Good luck.” I say with a soft smile. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a few okay? You’ll be okay.” He says before he walks into the ring. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to going into the ring or the crazy man that was currently after me. I just nod in response. 

The fight began and he was right. It was only 5 minutes, if that. He came off. “Well that was easy.” He said to Ashton. “Nonetheless you still did good,” Luke says. Calum was about to say something until he was stopped.

“Gotta say Hood, nice fight. Too bad he was an amateur.” Damon Banks says.

Calum grabs my arms pushed me behind him. “What are you doing here Banks?” He says with a clenched jaw. “Relax. You don’t have to play guard dog right now. I’m just stopping in to make sure your friend relayed the message.” He replied. “Yeah we got it. Leave.” Ashton said. “5 days Hood. You have 5 days.” Damon said and walked off. Calums first instinct was to turn to me, “Are you okay?” “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” I ask him. “‘M fine. Stay here with Ashton. I’m gonna go get ready and then I’ll take you home.” I just nod. “Where are you guys going?” “I’m staying at his place tonight.” Olivia says. “But I can’t be alone.” I reply. “Shit that’s right. Calum and I can stay at your place then?” Ash asks Olivia who looks at me. I’d feel safer with them there anyway. “Yeah whatever.” I mutter to them. Calum comes back out and Ashton fills him in about what's happening. He just nods and looks to me, “You ready?” I mutter a quick yes and we go to his car.

We get situated in the car. “Thank you for coming tonight. I know it brings back unwanted memories.” “Cal-” “No I mean it. I'm glad you came.” He said sincerely. “I’m glad I came.” I say. Was I? “You sure?” “I mean yeah. Beats sitting at home alone and paranoid.” I say as he chuckles. “I’m so sorry about everything happening Lydia. I know it’s scary but just know I won’t let him hurt you.” He said as he grabbed my hand. His touch sent me back. I missed this feeling. “I trust you Cal.” I say before realizing the name again. “Cal huh?” He questions and my face goes red. “I- Uh” “It’s okay. I missed hearing you say that.” I laugh and try to hide my face. We soon get to my house and I unlock the door. “If you need to use the bathroom its the-” “Third door on the right. I remember.” “Course you do.” He goes up and gets ready for bed. 

Soon Olivia and Ashton walk in with dinner for us all. “I got you chicken. Your sister said you’d eat it.” Ashton said to me. “Thanks Ash but I’m not really hungry.” I have no appetite. Too much worry and paranoia. I hear footsteps behind me and I jump. “Easy there doll. It’s just me. Have you eaten since this morning?” Calum asks. Did I? No. I didn’t. I barely even ate that. “No I don’t think so.” “Please eat Lyd.” Olivia pleads. “‘M not hungry.” I reply. Calum sits down next to me and grabs my hand, “Why doll?” I wanna smile at the pet name. “I just don’t have an appetite.” “She doesn’t eat when she’s nervous.” Olivia steps in. Calums thumb draws circles around my hand. He looks into my eyes pleadingly. “Please don’t be scared. He won’t hurt you. I won’t let him.” He said, “Now please eat.” He finishes as he passes my food to me. I eat and feel a lot better. Funny how that works out.

We all sit down and eat and forget our problems. We all just talk and hangout. I missed this a lot. Eventually we all decide to go to bed. Ashton and Olivia go up and sleep in Olivia’s room. Calum went in our guest room and I went to my room. I try my hardest to go to sleep but I kept tossing and turning. I start to relax and let sleep take over me.

“.....What’s happening? Why isn’t he moving?” I yell at Ashton.

Calum was in his third round with Damon Banks. He was down and he wasn’t moving. I kept asking what was wrong but no one would answer. 

“Ashton what’s wrong?” I kept asking. 

The paramedic went in the room and tried to take his pulse. There was nothing there. “He’s unresponsive.” The paramedic said. “Well do something!” “I can’t. It’s too late.” He replied. 

“What do you mean it’s too late?” Ashton yells. “He can’t be gone he has a girlfriend and friends and a family, he can’t be gone!” 

The other paramedic says, Calum Hood death time 9:08pm. 

He was gone. My Calum was gone. The world stopped spinning. I couldn’t breathe. He was gone. Dead.

I woke up sobbing. What time is it? I grabbed my phone. 2:18am. Fuck. I can’t breathe. I can’t be alone right now. I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Do I go get Olivia? She’s with Ashton.

Calum. 

I find myself walking to our guest room and open the door. “Calum?” He stirs awake. “Lydia? What’s wrong?” “This was stupid. Just go back to bed. Goodnight.” I turn to leave. This was stupid. “No no come sit.” “Are you sure?” “Yes Lydia. Come here.” I comply and sit down. “Is everything okay?” He asks tiredly. “No.” I paused. “I just had really fucking scary dream.” I say trying to hide my tears. I think he picked up on it because he pulled me into his chest. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Do I? Should I? “Um well, you had your rematch a-and Damon knocked you down and-” My breath hitches, “And you didn’t get back up.” He understood what I meant and just held me tighter. He kissed the top of my head. “I-I don’t wanna lose you again Cal. I can’t.” “You won’t, love. I promise you won't”. ''I’m sorry for waking you.” I said sincerely. “I’d rather you wake me then have to be alone.” He replied. “Do you wanna stay in here?” He asks. “No no it’s okay I’ve bothered you enough-” “Lydia.” He says sternly. “Okay yes.” We lay down and I get comfy. “Goodnight Lydia.” “Goodnight Cal.” He snakes his arm around my waist and kisses my shoulder. I fucking did it again. 

I fell for Calum.  

                                           **********

I woke up before him. I needed to pee but Calum's arm was still around me. I try to move but Calum groans and pulls me back. “Cal, I have to pee.” He just groans and sets me free. I chuckle at him and get up. I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.  I go back to see him scrolling through his phone. “Good morning sunshine.” I say sarcastically. “It was until you got up.” He mutters. I crawl back into bed to face him. “Did you sleep any better?” He asked. If we’re being honest, it was the best sleep I’ve gotten in the past few weeks. “Much better. Thank you for last night.” I thank him and he just says “Of course. Come to me whenever.” I just smile and nod. I hear someone else wake  up, “Welp I guess that’s my cue.” I say as I start to get up before his big hands pulls me back. “No. Just stay here.” “Cal we can’t. If I do recall, you have a big match to train for in 4 days.” “Don’t remind me.” He says as he stuck his head in the crook of my neck. “Come on.” I say as he complies “Ugh fine.” I didn’t even realize he was shirtless. The only thing he had on was a pair of grey sweats that hung low at his waist. I missed seeing him like that. 

I try my best to sneak into my room and go down stairs. Once I go down I see Olivia and Ashton making breakfast. “Good Morning! How’d you sleep?” Ash says to me “Amazing” I reply. “Glad to hear it.” Olivia replies for him. “Lyd can I speak to you for a second?” Olivia says. I nod and we go into the living room. “Ash may not have caught you but I certainly did. Care to explain why you slept in the guest room with Calum?” Fuck. “I couldn’t sleep. I had a scary ass dream and I would always go to him before when it happened. So I don’t know I went to him and he calmed me down and then I kinda just fell asleep.” I say honestly. “Are you two like, a thing again?” She asks. Are we? Well no not officially but we’re more than friends. Right? I mean we did sleep together last night. “No.” I start but she gives me a look. “I don’t know” I say getting flustered. “It’s complicated.” “Do you still love him?” Yes. “Yes of course. I always will but now is not the time. I just got him back Liv. I don’t want to drive him away.” I say back. “Lyd, he looks at you like you’re the last person left on earth. I don’t think there’s a better time.” She says as she walks off. God I don’t want to ruin it again. 

Calum comes down stairs and sits down next to me. “Calum, we have to train all day today. You need to be ready.” Ashton said. He just groans and puts his head on the table. “Yeah yeah I figured.” He replied back tiredly. “How’d you sleep?” Ashton asked. “Can’t complain.” He replied and looked at me briefly. I try my best to hide my red cheeks. He’s gonna be the death of me. “What’s the plan for today?” I asked Olivia. “I have to run a few errands so that means you’re coming along.” She said to me. “Lovely.” We finish breakfast and they go on their merry way. 

                                       *************

Olivia ran all of her errands and we decided to stop in to see Ash and Cal at the end of the day. “What’s up fuckers?” Olivia yells as she walks into the gym. Calum and Ashton turn around. “You’re still going at it? It’s been 8 hours.” She continued. “Liv did you see who he’s fighting?” I chuckle and Ash nods his head in agreement. “We were just finishing up anyway.” Calum says. “I’m gonna go clean up.” He said as he left. “Is he okay?” I ask. “He’s stressed. His body is worn down. He’s bruised. He’s terrified of you getting hurt.” Ash said gesturing to me. “He hates this all.” He finished. I don’t want him to have to worry about me. He needs to focus.

After a little while, Calum walks back out with his stuff. “You ready?” he asks Ashton. Ashton simply nods. Cal walks up to me and just kisses the top of my head. “I’ll see you around.” Olivia and Ashton smile at the gesture. Olivia and I walk to the car and start to head home. 

I’m lost in my thoughts. Why is he being so confusing? I keep thinking before I’m brought out of my thoughts by Liv “Shit Lyd, I need to run to the store and get tampons.” “Okay. I’ll stay in the car. ‘M tired.” I reply. We park and she goes in I keep thinking to myself. Will he make it out okay? Will I make it out okay? I’ve never been more terrified of the unknown and I don’t know what to do. 

After 20 minutes I start to get concerned so I get out to go to the store. I’m walking in before I heard,

“You’d think Hood would know better than to leave his girl alone.” 

Damon Banks. 

No fucking way this is happening right now. “How’d you find me?” 

“I saw you and your sister pull out of the gym. Where is she by the way?” He asks. “What do you want from me?” I ask. He just walks closer to me as I walk back. We go so far back that I bump into the car. He grabs onto my wrists tightly. “Just tryin to send your boyfriend a message.” My wrists hurt. He won’t let go. “You’ve sent one loud and clear. Now please let me go.” I plead but he won’t stop. Tears are brimming my eyes. Where is my fucking sister? “Y-you’re hurting me please.” I try but he just looks coldly into my eyes. “Tell him I’m looking forward to our match. And this time I'll make sure he doesn't walk out alive.” He says as he finally releases. My sister finally walks out and sees him standing over me. “Lydia?” She yells. “Your sisters coming.” He said “A little too late don’t ya think?” He said to her. “Damon.” She says as her face falls to my tear filled one. “I’m just leaving.” He looks back at me “Nice talkin to ya.” 

“Go to hell.” I say through gritted teeth. 

Olivia runs over to me and hugs me. I stand still. “Can we go please?” “Y-yeah of course.” We get in the car. “I’m so sorry Lydia. I didn’t mean to take so long. I couldn’t find them because they rearranged the store and then they weren’t on the shelf-” “It’s fine just drive.” I say. “No it’s not fine Lydia.” She sees me holding one to my wrists. “Did he hurt you?” She says as she grabs my wrist inspecting the bruises. “How hard did he grab you?” she asks concerningly. I just look down. “We have to call the boys.” She says. “No.” “No? Damon just assaulted you and you don't want to tell them?” “No I don’t want them to worry more.” “I’m sorry but I’m calling Calum.” “Liv please-” I try but it’s too late. She puts it on speaker 

“Olivia? What’s up? Is everything okay?” I hear over the phone.

“Well no not really. It’s about Lydia.” 

“What happened?” I hear with concern lacing his voice.

“Damon happened.” she said. “Come over to my house please. Like now.” 

                                            *************

Calum was seeing red. “Where is she?” He yelled as he walked in. Liv points to the living room. He walks in, no. Runs in to see me sitting on the couch crying trying to cover my bruises. The sight has to be heartbreaking. The man who wants him dead hurt the one thing that mattered most to him. He comes over and sits down next to me. He grabs my cheeks with his calloused hands. “I need you to tell me what happened.” He starts. 

“L-liv had to go to the store and I stayed in the car but she was taking too long so I got out and” I hiccuped “and he was waiting by the store and he stopped me. H-he backed me up into the car and gripped onto my wrists. He said he was sending a message. That he’s gonna make sure that-” I hiccup again. “That you’re not gonna come out alive.” My biggest nightmare. He takes it all in and grabs my hands but I yanked them away. It hurt. He grabs them again more gently and inspects the bruises. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” He says to me as he stands up. He has no expression on his face.  “Calum please don’t. I don’t know what he’ll do to you.” I beg. “Are you kidding me Lydia? You could’ve been severely hurt. You think your wrists are bad? If your sister didn’t come out when she did, he could’ve done so much worse.” He yells. “Please don’t yell at me.” I plead. “I’m sorry but look at you right now. If he would’ve hurt you more I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’m supposed to protect you. I promised I’d keep you safe. And here we are.” With that my sister walks in, “Calum.” She says, “And you. You weren’t there. Your sister has big fucking bruises from this man that wants me dead and you weren’t there.” He yells. “Mate please.” Ash says. “Don’t do that mate bullshit right now. How are you not mad?” He yells again. “I’m furious Cal. But I don’t want you to go do something stupid.” Ash says to him. “I can’t believe you right now.” Calum says as he stalks toward the door. “Where are you going?” Ashton asks. “Out.” “Calum please.” I beg. He just looks at me and walks out. “I don’t want him to get hurt.” I cry. “He’ll be fine. He just needs some air. He’s gonna beat himself up over this.” Ashton said to me trying to make me feel  better. Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? 

After a while Ashton and Olivia went up to her room. I can’t sleep knowing that Cal is out there. I wait in the living room praying that he walks in. 

I’m sitting watching TV when suddenly the door swings open. Calum stands there with tears in his eyes and a bruised face and bloody hands. “Calum? What happened?” I say running to him. I go to grab his face to inspect it but he looks away. “Calum.” I say and he complies. He looks at me and I see the pain. I see the hurt flash in his eyes. With that, I hug him. I hugged him so tightly, afraid he was gonna slip away at any minute. I released after a little but and just ask 

“W-what happened?”

 “Well I found Damon. Roughed him up a little bit. He pulled out a knife but I knocked it out of his hands before he could do anything with it.” He said refusing to look at me. I grabbed his hands and see how bloody they are. “That’s what happens when I fight with rings on.” He says as I nod. “Are you okay?” He asks me. “Are you?” I ask back. “I will be when this stupid match is over.” He replies. “Come on. I’m cleaning you up.” I say to him and drag him to my bathroom. “Lyd you don’t have to-” “Yes I do. Now come on.” I say grabbing his bloody hand. 

I pat the countertop and tell him to sit. “Been a minute since I’ve done this.” I say as he chuckled. I get the cotton pads and disinfectant and bring it out. I start by taking off his rings. I can feel his eyes burning into me as I’m cleaning his hands. I then move on to his face and clean off the dried blood. He watches my every move and suddenly I get self-conscious. I feel like we haven’t been this close in a while. Once I’m finished with that I just look at him. “Are there any more hidden marks?” I ask as he lifts his shirt to reveal a huge gash on his side. I gasp, “Calum I thought you said he didn’t get you with the knife.” “He didn’t. Those were from his rings.” He holds his shirt up so I can clean it, “C-can you take this off? It’s easier.” I ask as he just obeys and flings it over his head.  I clean it up and start to put the stuff away. He stands up and as I turn around I find him right there. “I’m so fucking sorry Lydia. I promised you this wouldn't happen.” “Please don’t blame yourself.” I beg. “This was not your fault.” I say as I finish picking up my stuff. “W-will you sleep with me tonight?” I ask him. “Of course.” he says no questions asked. 

I start to walk out of the bathroom before his hand grabs my arm and he pulls me into him. Our noses are touching and he just looks into my eyes. The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. This kiss was filled with love and passion. It was a feeling we were both longing for. It felt like in this moment, time stopped. 

“I should’ve done that a lot sooner.” Calum says out of breath but he’s still holding on to me. 

“I’m never letting you go again. Not now. Not ever.” He said. 

With that I stand on the tip of my toes and kiss him again. “I’ve missed this so much.” I say. “You have no clue darling.” He replied.

After all of tonight's events, this is when I felt most whole. I loved Calum. With everything in me. I always will. We went to bed and he held me as I fell asleep. I rolled over to face him. He kissed my forehead and I placed my head under his chin. As I’m falling asleep I hear a faint whisper. I barely even caught it, 

“I love you so fucking much.” 

                                                  **********

I wake up right where I want to be. 

With Calum. 

Our legs are entangled together and his strong arms hold me tightly against his chest. This is bliss. I thought I'd never find this feeling ever again. My eyes slowly shutter open to see he’s still sleeping. I kiss the tip of his nose and he just smiles. “Good Morning love.” His raspy morning voice whispers. “Good Morning.” I smile back. “How are you feeling?” I ask him. “Sore but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.” He says with worried eyes. “How are you feeling?” He asks, “Honestly terrified to leave my own house. My wrists are sore and those bruises aren’t going anywhere anytime soon but other than that I’m fantastic.” I mutter. He lets out a soft chuckle. “What time is it?” he asks. I roll over and check. “It’s 9:09” “I have to get up soon. Another full day of training.” “Cal, you’re hurt. I don’t want you to wear yourself down before the big day bub.” He smiles at the name, “I know doll but I need to be ready.” He says. “I’m not saying not train at all,  but maybe not the entire day?” I suggest. I know how he used to get when he trained all day and all night. He’d come home stressed and worn down. He has a big fight he needs to be alert for and training on top of all his injuries is going to make it worse. “If you want, I can talk to Ash.” I say. “I got it love. I should probably apologize to him anyway.” He said. “Last night, I was an asshole-” “You were worried. There’s a difference.” He nods and kisses the top of my head. I loved when he did that stuff. A little but sweet gesture. 

Eventually we roll out of bed and motivate. I’m greeted by Olvia and Ashton in the kitchen. Calum is still in the bathroom upstairs. “Did he come here last night?” Ash asks, concern lacing his voice. “Yes he’s upstairs and I’m gonna tell you something and you have to promise me you won’t lash out at him.” “Lydia-” “Promise me Ashton. Please.” I almost beg. He relents and nods. “So he came back around 2am with bruises and blood everywhere. He found Damon and ‘roughed him up a bit’. Apparently Damon pulled out a knife but Cal got rid of it before anything happened. I took care of him and cleaned him up. He had blood all over his hands. Not even 100% sure if it was his. Bruises and cuts on his face and a big gash on his side. I cleaned it. He’s better now but he’s sore. He feels awful. Please don’t freak out on him. It’ll only make it worse.” I finish my speech and he just stands there silently. “Thank you for taking care of him last night.” Is the first thing he says. “Of course. Anytime.” I say sincerely. “Can I ask you something?” He asks me. “Yeah of course.” “Are you two like, back together?” I think about it. “We kissed. That’s it. I don’t know what he’s feeling but whatever he wants to do. I left him so I understand if he doesn’t want to get back together. If he does, that’s great too and I’ll say yes. It’s up to him.” I say. “I asked because he never stops talking about you. I think he wants to get back together but I don’t know if he’ll come out and say it.” I nod and then Calum comes down stairs. He refuses to look anyone in the eye. He slowly walks over next to me at the table and sits. I grab his hand and rub it reassuringly. “I’m so sorry Ash.” Calum weaps as I glare at Ashton. “Hey hey it’s okay. You were worried. I’m not mad.” “Y-you’re not?” Calum says finally looking up. “No bud. It happens. He threatened your girl so you were upset. If that happened to Liv, i’d go apeshit.” Ashton said. 

Your girl. 

His girl. 

Calum looks at me with sympathy in his eyes and grips my hand. “Thank you.” He says to Ashton. Ash just nods. “When are we training today?” Calums frail voice asks. “I have a lot to do today so we’re probably only training a couple hours.” Calums eyes lit up with that one. “Okay” he mutters quickly. I can tell he’s embarrassed over everything that happened in the last 24 hours. “C-can Lydia come?” He asks shyly. “I want to be with her in case Damon tries something again.” He finishes. Ash looks at me for approval and I just nod my head. “Sure Cal.” “Is that okay with you?” Calum asks me. “Yeah bub of course.” I say and nod my head. He smiles back at me. 

After a little while we all get ready to go to the gym. We file into the car and I sit in the back with Calum. He grabs my hand and rubs circles on it with his thumb. The little gestures like that make my heart melt. The car ride is pretty silent. We pull in to the gym and walk in. “Hey I’m gonna go get ready. You can sit over there and watch if you’d like.” He said. “I get to watch you train? Today must be my lucky day.” I say sarcastically. “Oh hush.” He says and starts to walk off. I turn around but suddenly I’m whipped back around and before I know it, his lips are on mine. I feel myself smile into the kiss. “Okay I’m gonna go now.” He says before giving me another quick kiss.

He’s done it again. I’ve fallen in love with him all over again.

He trains and I watch. I love watching him lose himself in the ring. It’s just scary because I don’t want him to get hurt. I know that in a few days, someone is going to walk out of that ring extremely hurt and I just pray it’s not him. 

He finishes up and walks over to me. “Hey love.” He says leaning in for a hug and I stop him, “I will give you the biggest hug after you wipe all of the sweat off of you.” I say chuckling. He laughs and hugs me anyway. “What did I say?” I question, “Oh hush.” I relent and wrap my arms around him. God I missed this. “I’m gonna go clean up and then we can hit the road.” He says as he kisses my cheeks and walks off to the locker room. Olivia walks over to me. “Not together my ass.” “He hasn’t said anything about it. Should I bring it up?” “Well Ashton is taking me out tonight so you two have the house to yourselves.” She says. “I mean that is if he stays with you but I think we both know he will.” She finishes. I think about it for a second. Should I ask him or is it too early?

Soon he comes out and asks if I’m ready. “Hey will you stay over with me for a while? Ash is taking out Liv and I don’t want to be alone.” I ask. “I already planned on it love.” I smile at him endearingly. He drives to my house and the car is just filled with small talk. No awkwardness. No tension. 

We arrive at my house and drop our stuff in the living. “I don’t know about you but I’m starving.” I say to him. “I could eat.” He chuckles. We go into the kitchen and I open the pantry. “All I have to make is pasta. I hope that’s okay.” I say to him. “That’s perfect doll. I’m gonna go freshen up. I’ll be right back.” He says as he marches upstairs and I start to make the food. 

After a little while, I realize he’s taking a bit. “Cal?” I call for him but no response.That’s odd. I thought he was just freshening up. I walk up stairs and go to the bathroom. “Cal? Are you okay?” I ask as I knock. “Y-yeah I’m fine.” He stutters. “Can I come in?” I ask carefully. I hear the door unlock and I take that as the okay to walk in. I walk in to see his tear stained face. “Cal. Baby what’s wrong?” I ask grabbing his cheeks. “I-I’m terrified Lydia. I so scared he’s gonna hurt you or I’m not gonna come out of that ring.” He says through tears. “Hey hey look at me.” I say. “I’m gonna be okay-” “I couldn’t even protect you from him the other day.” “How were you supposed to know that would happen? You can’t. I didn’t expect it. As far as you, you’re gonna go in that ring and you’re gonna knock his ass down and show him not to mess with Calum Hood. You have so many people in your corner Cal. You have Luke, Mike, Liv, Ash. You have me. I’ll be there every step of the way if you let me.” I finish as I lead him to my room to sit on my bed. I grab a tissue and wipe his face. 

God I regret leaving him. It was truly the worst decision I have ever made. I’ll never stop loving him. I never have and I never will. “What’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours?” he asks finally calming down. 

“How the worst choice I ever made, in my entire life, was leaving you.” 

“Lyd-” 

“No let me finish. I will kick myself for leaving you for the rest of my life. You were the best thing I had going for me. I went to college, hoping to escape but I was miserable without you. I didn’t come back to win you back. I didn’t even want to go to the match that night because it wasn’t fair to you. If I had just fucking sucked it up and watched you box and supported you with it, I wouldn’t have lost you.” I pause. “I’m so fucking stupid for letting you go and I will never forgive myself for it.” 

Silence fills the room. 

“Okay now you’re gonna let me speak. You left because you thought you were doing the right thing and I can’t blame you for that. I know it was hard for you to watch me get my ass beat by men twice my size every night. I know that I wasn’t the only one in pain when you sat me down on the counter to fix my wounds twice a week. You leaving, felt worse than any other punch I would receive, but I was never resentful. When you came back, I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing out bad thing. Now I know, it was the best thing to ever happen to me.”

I look up with tears threatening to spill from my eyes. 

“What you did fucked me up. It took a minute to heal but it gave me the motivation to become stronger. I’m able to beat people like Damon. This fight on Friday, is going to be the hardest fight I’ve ever faced. Not just because of who I’m fighting. It’s who I’m fighting for.” he paused. “I’m finally learning to fight for what I love.” 

Love. There's that word again. 

“I love you so much Lydia. I never stopped.”  

He loves me. Calum loves me. 

I had no words. The only thing that came to mind for me was to grab his face and kiss him. This kiss was different than the last. This one was full of love and passion. “I love you so much Calum. I always will.” I say and then reconnect our lips. “I’m never letting you go ever again. Never fucking again.” Calum said through kisses. We break away and just look at each other, I take in his beauty. 

“I love you but I need to make sure the house isn't on fire from the pasta.” I mutter. “Oh shit I forgot about the pasta.” He chuckles. We get off my bed and run down stairs and see the house is still standing and the pasta isn’t burnt. As I was stirring, I felt Calums strong arms wrap around my waist. This is the shit I live for. He nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and I just giggle. He’s the only person that can give me butterflies. He releases and presses a quick kiss to my cheek. I finish the pasta and get it ready for him. We sit down and eat and he fills me in of all I’ve missed while I was gone. I ask about his family. They don’t really speak to him because they don’t agree with the boxing. Their loss. 

Eventually, Olivia and Ashton come home to see us cuddling on the couch. “How was your date?” I ask nonchalantly. “It was good… What did I miss here?” Ashton asks looking at us questioningly. “Well, we made pasta.” I say and then turn to Calum. “That’s all you did?” Liv asks heading for the stairs. “I mean, we also confessed our love for each other.” Calum adds like it’s nothing and then kisses the top of my head. “Huh figured.” Ashton says. “Cal do you want to stay here or go back to the apartment?” Ashton asks. Calum just looks at me and I nod to him. He knows what I’m implying. “I don’t want to leave her.” He says. “Liv looks like we’re staying here.” He yells to live. “Okay babe.” She yells back. 

Tonight a new love was formed out of an old one. Calum and I never stopped loving each other and we probably never will. He was my first real love. Sure, there have been others but they weren’t him. He makes me feel like I’m the only girl alive. He makes me feel things I thought I’d never feel. He makes me feel like I belong. After a little while, we headed back up to my room and get comfy in bed.

“Hey Lydia?” “Yeah babe?” 

“Whatever happens at this fight on friday, just know how much I love you. It’s gonna get ugly but I just need you to know you are my entire world. Okay? I love you Lydia. More than anything. I just got you back and I don’t plan on losing you anytime soon.” He says to me. With that I kiss him passionately. “Calum I love you so much.” We hold each other like we’re too afraid to let go all night.

                                             **********

It was Wednesday. The fight is on Friday. Two days. I was starting to get nervous for him. I roll over to see he wasn’t there. Where is he? I check my phone and it’s 8:00am. After a little bit he comes in. “Good morning love! Did I wake you?” “No bub I just woke up.” He nods and crawls back into bed with me. “Why is that I sleep so much better with you by my side? No tossing and turning. No nightmares.” He chuckles. “I guess you’re just what I needed.” I mumble. He kisses the tip of my nose and cradles my body against him. “I take it you’re training all day.” I said to him. “Yup. Ash already texted me and told me we had catching up to do. I can come back over when it’s done.” “mmmm sounds good.” I mumble to him. “How are you feeling about Friday?” I asked hesitantly. “Honestly terrified. I just want it over with.” He says to me. I’ve never seen him so worked up about a fight.  “Soon enough babe.”I just want it to be over with for him. We spent another half hour just cuddling and talking about various topics. 

Eventually that was all over and he had to go training. I stayed at the apartment and cleaned up. After a while my phone started buzzing like crazy. Liv was calling.

“Hello?” 

“Lydia I have a problem.” 

“What kind of problem?” I ask wearily.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

The wind was knocked out of my lungs. 

“O-okay. Come to the apartment.” I say as she mutters a quick goodbye.

Soon she bursts through the door with a tear stained face. 

“Lydia what do I do? I’ve missed my period. I’m nauseous all the time.” She says through tears. “Hey hey calm down first and foremost. Have you taken a test?” she shakes her head. “Okay let's start there. Let’s go get-” I start to say as she pulls three out of her bag. “I didn’t want to do it alone.” She mutters. “Go take them and come back out.” She goes to take them as I finish up cleaning. 

She marches back out and sits on the couch. “Now we wait.” She says worriedly. “Listen. You were meant to be a mom. If they are positive, you have me and you’ll have Ash.” “I can’t do this to him. We’re young. His job is too dangerous for a kid-” “And he will figure it out. If I know one thing, he loves you more than life. He won’t run from you.” I reassure her. 

Enough time passes and we decide it’s time. “Do you want me to look?” I ask and she nods. I walk into the bathroom and prepare myself. 

Test 1: Positive

Okay thats just one. 

Test 2: Positive.  

Oh no.

Test 3: Positive. 

I was silent. Fuck. She’s gonna be a mom. I’m gonna be an aunt. Holy shit. 

“Well?” She asks. 

“Positive. All positive.” I say.

Her face fell. “What am I gonna do?” She asks. “You’re gonna do this the right way. Call him right now and tell him you need to talk and it’s important and have him and Cal come over after training.” She nods and calls him in the other room.

I’m excited and scared for her. She’s right. His job is dangerous. This weeks events are only a fraction of what can be involved. 

“He said okay. He sounds worried.” Liv says. 

My phone buzzed. 

Calum

Is everything okay?

“He must be because Cal just texted me.” 

Lydia

For me? Yes. For liv? Not so much. You’ll see when you come over. 

Liv and I spent the next hour talking about how she should break the news. The door swung open to reveal Ashtons worried face. Liv stands up. 

“We need to talk.” She starts with. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asks. 

“No baby of course not.” She reassured. During this, Calum came over to greet me with a kiss. “What’s happening?” He asks. “Watch.” 

“Then what’s the matter?” Ashton asks as he grabs her hand to sit down. Calum sits on the recliner and motions for me to sit on his lap. I oblige and he holds me tightly. 

“Before I say anything just know I love you okay?” 

“You’re scaring me liv-”

“I’m pregnant.” She rips off the bandaid. Ashton and Calum's jaw dropped open. 

“H-how is that possible?” He asks. “We’re always careful.” He says. I try to find an expression but the only thing I see is fear. 

“Accidents happen Ash.” I step in. “How long have you known?” He asks. “I missed my period two days ago. I took the tests an hour ago.” She said calmly. 

“Thank you for telling me right away.” He starts. “We’ll figure this out love. I’m not leaving you if that’s why you’re worried.” He says. Both me and Liv let out a breath as he said that. 

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He finishes with as he hugs and kisses her.

“I see why that was so urgent.” Calum mutters. “You think?” I chuckle. 

As I stand I say, “I don’t know about you but I’m hungry and she’s feeding two so what are y’all in the mood for?” 

“I could go for chinese.” Liv suggests. “Sounds good. Cal do you want to come with me to get it?” I ask. “Sure babe. Let me grab my stuff.” I wait for him and we walk to the car.

“How was training?” I ask him. “Long and rough. I’m sore but I’m getting more prepared.” He says. “I think I can really beat him Lydia.” “I know you can. You did once, you can do it again. I believe in you.”  The drive there was filled with small talk. We got to the restaurant and Cal ran in to pick it up. He came back out and started to drive back,

“Hey I was thinking about something.” He starts and I look at him. “I think that after this fight I’m gonna slow down a bit.” I ponder. “Please don’t do it because of me.” I say to him. “I mean it’s not completely about you. I’m sick of hurting everywhere and dedicating every second of my life to training. I’m tired of putting the people I love in danger.” He pauses, “And now that Liv is expecting, I think I should settle down.” He wasn’t wrong but It feels odd.

 “But Calum think of how you feel when you win a match. Think of how you feel knowing you won again. Knowing that bets people placed were wrong.”

“I thought you hated that I fought. Why are you trying to convince me to keep doing it?” He asks. “Because I know you. I know you’ll be upset if you stop.” “Yeah I will but I’ll get over it.” “That’s not the point Cal.” 

“Then what is?” He yells. 

“Why are you so mad?” I ask. 

“I thought you’d want me to quit. I mean that’s all you wanted right?” He asks testing me. 

“Where the fuck is this coming from?” I ask angrily. 

“Do you even love me?” He asks. 

“What- Of course I do.”

“Are you sure about that Lydia? Or do you plan on running again?” He says and I went silent. 

He really pulled that card. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now Calum?” His jaw clenches. “What? It happened before. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?” He spat at me.

We finally pulled in the driveway. “You know you’re a real fucking dick. Maybe I’m regretting getting back together. Clearly your intentions are all over the place.” I say as I march into the house without even listening to his response. “I’m gonna eat in my room.” I told Liv and Ash. As I take my food and go to my room. 

I thought it would be different. That we could have a clean slate. I guess I was wrong. I ate my food, cried, and went to sleep for the night. 

                                               ************

Of course it was back to the nightmares. I decided to clear my head so I went down to the kitchen to get water. I walk downstairs to see Calum on the couch. He’s awake. I try my best to ignore him. 

“Can we talk?” He asks. “Uhh nah. I’m apparently too busy running.” I spat back without looking him in the eye. “I’m being serious.” He says. “So am I.” 

It was silent for a minute. “Nightmares?” He asks and I just nod. “Thought you would’ve left.” I say to him. “Ashton and Liv went back to his place to talk about options. I’d never leave you alone.” He said. I rolled my eyes and got some water. He just stares at me. “What Cal? Don’t you think you’ve dug at me enough tonight?” I say to him refusing to look him in the eye. What he said hurt. Bad. “I’m not trying to argue with you Lydia.” He started, “I’m just scared.” 

“I’m not gonna leave you again Cal. I thought I made that clear.” I said, my face softening. “I know.” He said quickly. “I’m just insecure and clingy. I need constant reassurance and I-” I stop him. “Calum look at me.” He does and I grab the sides of his face. “The biggest mistake I ever made was leaving you. If you talked to my sister you know what shape I was in. I love you. More than life.” “I’m sorry I was a dick.” He says. I chuckle. “It’s okay.” And with that he kissed me. “I love you.” He says in between kisses. The kisses get deeper each time. He’s making a mess of my hair with his rough hands. He backs me up into the counter and I jump to sit on it. He pulls away for a second and smiles. “I love you.” He whispers before kissing me again. 

He grabs the bottom of my legs and carries me up to my room, refusing to break the kiss. Next thing I know he sets me on the bed and he’s over me. “We don’t have to go farther if you don’t want to.” He broke the kiss with. I kissed him back in response. “I want this.” I kissed him again. “I want you.” I said as he smiled back in response. “God I’ve missed you.” He said as he threw his shirt off. I took that moment to discard of my shirt. “I love you Calum.” I said as he kissed me. “I love you more.” 

And that night we proved just how much we loved each other. We’ve had sex before yes but never like that. This time, it was filled with passion and love. I missed him. I’m never letting someone like him slip through my fingers again.

                                              *************

One day until the dreaded fight. I woke up with a pit in my stomach. Cal was gonna be training all day. I woke up before him and just watched him sleep intently. I know this was hard on him. He would never show it but I know he’s so stressed. This fight could be what ends his career. I’m brought out of my thoughts by his raspy voice. “Are you staring?” He says. “I’m gazing.” I reply. “You’re pretty.” I finish. “Says you.” He replies with a blush. “Good morning love.” He says as he kissed me. “How’d you sleep?” I ask. “Decently actually. How about you?” “Better. No nightmares.” “Are they always the same?” He asks curiously. “Lately yes but usually they vary.” I answer honestly. Ever since I went to college, I had nightmares almost every night. My sleep schedule was fucked because of it. I wouldn’t sleep for more than 3 hours a night. When I came home, it got better but they never went away until I started sleeping next to Calum again.

“How are you feeling?” I ask and I think he knows what I’m implying. He just shrugs, “ I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to fight a man who wants me dead.” he starts, “But I’m as ready as I can be. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in, I’ve got the best support system and I’m prepared. Ashton has been trying to teach me tricks and I’ve done practice fights with Luke and Mike.” He said. I nod to him.

“Do you want me there tomorrow?” I ask only because it’s appropriate. Yes I’m his girlfriend and I want to support him but the fight is going to be brutal. “I’ve been thinking about that too.” He said honestly. “It’s up to you. I’d love to see you there but if you’re not comfortable being there, ‘M not gonna force you.” He replied. I thought about it for a second. How can I not be there? This is the biggest fight of his career. “I’ll be there.” I said. “Are you sure? I don’t want to-” He starts but I cut him off with my finger. “I’ll be there.” I said into his eyes. “Okay.” He replies. We lay and cuddle for a little while until it was interrupted by his phone ringing. “It’s Ash.” He says confused. “What time is it?” I ponder. “Only 9. I don’t have to be to the gym until 11.” He says back.

“Yo what’s up?” He asks.

“Cal we’ve got an issue.” Ash says and my ear perks up. Cal sits and just said “Why what’s wrong?”

“Damon just stormed into the gym and spoke to Luke. He’s moving the fight.”

“What? To when?”

“Tonight.”

My eyes widen as Calum just stays silent. “I’ll be to the gym in a few.” and with that he hung up the phone. I didn’t know what to do or say. He gets up and I let him. He walks to the door and turns around for a second, “I’m taking this fucker down tonight.” and walks out.

******

This day went by faster than I’d like to admit. Calum went to the gym to get ready. Liv came home and got ready. Before we knew it, Liv was driving us to the underground arena. I felt sick. I was silent. She could tell how nervous I was. “Hey.” She brought me out of my thoughts with. “He’ll be okay. He’s strong.” She said to me and I just nodded.

We arrived to the arena and went in. The air was thick. The tension was thick. Liv brought us to the back was the boys were. “Where’s Cal?” I ask them and he just point to the corner where I see him throwing punches to the punching bag. I excuse myself and walk over there. “Hey” I say to him. He sees me and offers me a smile. I go over to him and hug him. It’s the only thing that felt right. In that moment time stopped. Soon we pull away and he holds my cheeks with his wrapped hands. “Look at me love.” He starts. “Whatever happens in that ring, just know that I love you. It’s not gonna be pretty. I’m probably gonna walk out with something broken but I refuse to let him leave standing. After what he did to you, he’s not coming out on top.” I just nod at him. “I love you Calum.” I whisper to him as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. This is all too familiar. This fear in my stomach, felt known. With that, he gives me the biggest kiss and engulfs me in his arms. “Hey Cal?” Mike interrupts. “It’s time.” He says. He pulls away, “I love you Lydia. More than anything. I’ll come back to you.” He started, “I promise.” I nod and let him walk off. I’m holding him to that.

He will come back to me.

The announcer starts his speech and introduces the fighters. I stand over by Liv and Ashton. I hear the bell and it signified the start of the fight. Right now, they’re walking in circles but Damon is taunting him. I can hear him.

“......Gotta say Hood, your taste in women is impeccable.” Damon says.

Is he bringing me up in this fight?

“I wonder how she’d look with her lips around my-”

And that’s when Calum threw the first punch, knocking Damon down in an instant. Calum crouches down to his level and whispers something I can barely make out, “That’s the last time you speak about my girl ever again if you want to make it out of here alive.” Damon just snickers and tries to stand up. Calum holds his elbow to his throat and holds him down. The ref counts and Calum won the first round. Two more to go.

“You think you can get away with that Hood?” Damon says lunging toward Calum grabbing him and spinning him around in a choke hold. I wince as his face goes red. Liv notices and grabs onto my hand. Calum brought his foot up and kicked him in dick, setting him out of Damons grasp. It isn’t long before Damon lurches as him again punching him down. Calums down, clutching his head in pain. “Try me.” Damon says as they announce Damon won that round.

Calum gets up and I can tell he’s dizzy. He keeps stumbling around the ring. Damon lunges at him and flips Calum to the ground, “God I love seeing you lose.” Damon says in Calums face and then something flipped in Calums head. He quickly got up and switched positions, so now Damon was on the ground. “I don’t lose.” Calum said through bloody teeth. Calum punched him like his life depended on it. With that, Damon stayed down. Blood was everywhere. Damons, Calums. “Certainly not after you go after my fucking family. Remember me in hell.” Calum says after he sent Damon one last punch, knocking him unconscious.

The ref announced Calum as the winner.

Calum won against Damon Banks. He won. He’s alive. They escort him out of the ring and the first thing he does is run over to me and engulfs me in the biggest hug. I don’t care how sweaty he is. In this moment the only thing that mattered was that he was okay. “I knew you could do it.” I said as I grabbed his face. We release as he smiles. Ashton comes over and greets him with a towel and a hug. “That’s what I’m talking about man!” Ashton says, happiness clear on his face. Luke and Mike come over and hug him and say how proud they are. Calum walks over to the bench but stumbles. “Are you okay Cal?” Ashton asks. Calum just shakes his head and holds his head in his hands. “Hey hey what’s wrong?” I ask and sit next to him. “M-my head.” He says quickly. “Get him to the hospital.” I say to Ashton and he hesitates. “Ashton he said it’s his head. Something could be seriously wrong.” I say through gritted teeth. Calum keeps groaning in pain. “Lydia you don’t understand. We could all get in trouble-” “Do you fucking hear yourself right now? Calum is hurt.” I yell frustrated. Calum could be seriously hurt and he doesn’t seem to care. “This has happened before. He’ll be fine-” It wasn’t until Calums head fell into my lap that Ashton realized it’s serious.

“Calum?” I say gripping his head. His eyes are closing. “Calum no stay with me!” I yell as his eyes flutter close. Ashton rushes to him. “Calum bud. Come on.” Nothing. No response. “Get him to the hospital now!” I yell. Ashton picks him up and rushes him to the car. I’m behind him but I stop as I see Damon outside the door. “Bring him to the hospital. I’ll grab his stuff and meet you there with Liv.” I shakily say to Ash. He just nods and obeys. I kiss Calums head and whisper, “You are not done yet.”

“Like I said.” I hear a voice say behind me, “I don’t lose.” Damon says.

“Your broken nose and concussion says otherwise.” I spat back as I go to retrieve Calums belongings. “Really? I’m not the one being rushed to the hospital.” “You know what Damon?” I start, “You come here, throw a temper tantrum because you lost the first time, lose a second time and still claim you’re a winner.” I pause and step closer. “But I don’t see a single soul here cheering you on. You tried to beat Calum by talking about me in the ring. Me, his girlfriend, who is there cheering him on. Along with his best friends. Who do you have, huh?” I pause and he just stares at me. “Yeah what I thought. You lost not once, but twice, to Calum. So who’s the real winner?” I spat and walk away. “You shouldn’t have said that.” He yells. “You’re not gonna do shit.” I say to him, calling his bluff. “How are you so confident that I won’t?” He asks. “Because you know there are people that would care if I lived or died. The difference is I or anyone for that matter, could kill you right now, and no one would care. If you call that winning, then congratulations. You fucking won Damon Banks.” I say as I go inside, get Calums stuff and get my sister. We walk out to see Damon gone and we drive to the hospital.

We arrive as I run in. I see Ashton in the waiting room with his head in his lap. “Anything?” He shakes his head as a nurse comes walking in. “Family of Calum Hood?” She calls out. “Yes that’s us.” “Are you immediate family?” She asks. “We’re all he has.” Ashton says. She just nods and tells us what happened. “Calum has something called Craniocerebral Trauma. It’s a very serious head injury that’s a result from a big blow to the head. Do you know what happened?”

Ashton looks to me for the answer. “He was jumped.” I answer quickly. Ash just nods agreeing with me. I technically wasn’t wrong. The nurse hums in response, “They must’ve really went for his head.” I just nod and look for the ground. “W-will he be okay?” I ask. “He’s stable right now. When he wakes up, there's a list of pills he needs to take. As long as he does, he’ll be just fine. It’s in his hands now.” He’s gonna be okay. “Can we see him?” Ashton asks. “Two at a time.” The nurse says. I gesture to Luke and Michael who just arrived. “You guys wanna go see Cal?” I ask and they nod and follow the nurse. As they walk away, Ashton just hugs me as I cry into his shoulder. “He’s gonna be okay Lyd. It’s okay.” He whispers to me. I stay in his embrace for a minute. I release and sit down. I can’t stop jittering and shaking.

Luke and Michael walked out and Ashton and Liv went in. Luke and Mike came and sat with me. “He looks a lot better than he did at the arena.” Luke expresses. “The doctor said he should wake up at any time now.” Mike said. “Yeah well I’m not leaving until he does.” I mutter. After another hour it’s my turn. I decide to go in alone.

I walk in to see his sleeping body laying on the bed. He’s hooked up to so many wires and chords. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and just stare at him. He looks peaceful. After the week he’s had, he needs this rest. “I never thought I’d be in this situation with you.” I chuckle. “I’ve cleaned up your wounds but I’ve never sat with you in the hospital. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming.” I say as I pause and grab his hand. “You know, you’ll be proud of me. I bascially told Damon to fuck off.” I laugh. “God I wish you were awake. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. When I left, you were just figuring yourself out. I come back and you’re this man. I know I never should have left. Times like these really but things into perspective.” I finish my speech as a single tear rolls down my cheek. “I love you Calum. I never stopped. I never will.” I say. I start to doze off. It’s been a long day. I don’t even feel myself fall asleep.

I feel something against my hand move. I open my eyes and see my hand is still holding Cals. I see his thumb start to move against my hand. “C-cal?” I say rising out of a sound sleep.

“Couldn’t get rid of me that easily love.” He says with his raspy voice. I smile as tears come from my eyes. I stand up and kiss him like I never have before. “I love you Lydia.” He mumbles.

I call the nurse in to check his vitals and alert the boys he’s awake. They all come in and he holds my hand the entire time. It’s almost like he’s afraid to let go. He asks multiple questions. “Did he look worse?” He asked about Damon. Ash just chuckled and said “Much.”

********

Eventually, he was released to go home although he just came to my apartment. I get him all situated in bed and he stops me from leaving, “hey lyd?” “Yeah babe?” “I was thinking, d-do you want to move in together?” He asks scardly. I don’t even hesitate, “Yes of course.” His eyes lit up. “Wait really?” he questions. “Of course Calum.” I respond chuckling.

The rest of that night we spent looking for apartments in the area. After hours of searching we found this two bedroom apartment downtown. We fell in love with it. The next day we decided to visit it and that’s when we signed the papers. We bought our first apartment together.

********

Time Jump: One year

Calum decided to quit fighting and focus on training, which not surprisingly, he was better at. He now spends his days training young fighters like he was and take them under his wing.

We still live in that apartment together. We decided to get a dog. Well Calum decided to get a dog. I got a text from him one day saying there was a surprise at home. I wasn’t expecting to walk into my living room to see a dog on my couch. He’s a little husky, corgi rescue named Duke. Nonetheless, I still love him.

Liv gave birth to a healthy little girl named Luna. She’s the sweetest little child. Ashton no longer works at the gym. He decided to quit his job to ensure his family’s safety. He made the right decision.

As far as Calum and I, we’re great. I love him more than anything. We see a future with each other. That stupid descion I made a few years ago will haunt me for the rest of my life but in the end, it brought us closer.

Calum was my first real love. I’m lucky enough to see him as my last love too.

[ilovemygaydad]

Friends in Dark Places [ch 14]

pairing: moxiety, eventual logince, background eventual remile, background eventual remy/emile/deceit

WARNINGS: kissing, implied making out, non-consentual touching and kissing, abusive ex, toxic relationship, self hate, sex mentions, mentioned threesome, rumors, depression, anxiety, depressive episodes, food mentions, unhealthy coping mechanisms, not eating, isolation, worrying, swearing, anger, yelling, swearing, homophobia, homophobic slurs, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

first - previous - next - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

February 18, 2016

Patton stepped over the threshold into Jay’s house. He’d spent a lot of time there, so it wasn’t being in his boyfriend’s house that was making him anxious; it was the fact that it was the first time they would be alone. Jay had begged him to come, so he’d obliged.

He shook the snow off of his coat and dumped it on the floor next to his boots. “Babe, I’m here!” Pat’s voice echoed lightly in the plastered halls. He heard shuffling a few rooms over and made his way towards the sound. The door swung open, and a half-dressed Jason stood in the doorway. He subconsciously noted the girl sitting on the couch, equally undressed and disheveled.

“Patton. Looking gorgeous as ever,” his boyfriend drawled. His lips were swollen and bright pink.

“What the hell is going on, Jason?” Patton’s voice was hard as he gestured to the scene in front of him. The girl inside stood up and walked to the door, wrapping her slender arms around Jason’s waist.

“He really is as beautiful as you’ve said, Jay. Those eyes truly are stunning. And you know how hot I think freckles are. I would have been a fool to refuse your offer.” Her words dripped like honey--uncomfortably slow and thick. Her hand reached out to cup Pat’s cold-tinged cheek, and he flinched back from her touch, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

“What offer, sweetheart?” The anger was gone, replaced with a sugary sweet that held no warmth.

Jason gave his signature dashing smile. “I was thinking, right? You’re bisexual; I’m bisexual. And Lauren here has just been dying to try a threesome. It’ll be fun!”

“What?” That was ridiculous! What kind of thought process was that?

“C’mon, babe. I’ve seen your potential; you’d be an amazing partner in bed!” Jay quirked his eyebrow and pulled Patton closer.

“First of all,” Pat stated as he took a step backward. “You know my feelings on this matter. Second, no! I’m not doing that! We’re fifteen, Jason. Not to mention that you set this all up without even consulting me.”

“And I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d just loosen up a bit and let me show you something actually pleasurable!” 

Patton was about to protest once more when Jason roughly kissed him; his hands fumbled with his belt buckle. On impulse, Pat pushed him back, knocking both Jay and Lauren to the ground in a heap.

“What the hell, Jay?! I said no! What the fuck do you think that means?” The anger was back and more fiery than ever. He was pissed––no, he was furious.

“You fucking moralist! You ruin everything! I went as far as to make this perfect for you, Patton. You’ve done nothing for me, but I’ve done everything for you.” Jason slowly rose from the floor, redness rising in his face.

“I told you exactly what I was comfortable with from the moment you asked me out! I should have listened to Roman and Logan when they said you were nothing but bad news, but I was swept up by your ‘perfection.’” Patton spat back. He’d reached the end of his rope, and he was taking none of it.

“Those two were so much better than you are! At least they were somewhat willing to play to my needs; they were never so self centered as to refuse everything I want. Sure, they didn’t go nearly as far as I’d liked, but they’re better than you. You’re poisonous. You’re a bomb just waiting to go off and ruin all of my hard work! Now, either take your clothes off and join us, or we’re breaking up right here and now.” That stung. And for just a moment, Patton ran over the situation in his head. He was so devastatingly close to caving before he came back to his senses.

“Then I guess we’re done.” Patton swiftly put his shoes back on and wrapped his coat tightly around his body, stepping back out into the cold February air.

---

All discussion ceased as Patton, Logan, and Roman stepped into Westview. Every pair of eyes turned to them. Specifically Patton. A bright blast of chatter erupted once more, and Patton could glean little bits of conversation from them.

“I heard that he slept with three guys this weekend!”

“Yeah? I heard he had a threesome with some chick from South and Jason Keith!”

“Patton Shea is such a slut!”

“Not to mention he’s a fag!”

Patton Shea. Slut. Patton Shea. Whore. Patton Shea. Slept with three guys in one weekend.

Patton spun around and dashed from the school; Logan and Roman followed close behind. He could hear their furious voices behind him as they walked down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop.

“I’m going to murder Jason! That dick deserves it! How fucking dare he hurt you like that, Patton; especially after what he did on Saturday,” Roman growled.

“For once I agree with your aggressive sentiments. Patton, you are the sweetest person I know. You deserve so much better.” Logan was normally calm—far too calm for most—but this angered him to the core. Pure hatred seeped from his voice.

Patton stopped and spun around. “Do I, though?” The words hung heavily in the air, and Patton’s voice cracked as he said, “Do I?”

“Of course you do,” Logan gently stated. “You are incredibly kind, generous, and genuine. I have never once known you to do something to hurt another person. Jason, on the other hand, is rude, egotistical, incorrigible, and… and… He’s just awful, okay? You deserve the world, and he deserves to rot in the deepest pits of hell.”

You break everything you touch.

“You’re wonderful, Pat.”

Whore!

“We love you.”

Poison!

Patton plastered on a fake smile. “Thanks, guys, really, but you should go to class. I’ll be fine—“

Roman cut him off with one fluid motion. “Yeah, just shut up and let us come with you.”

---

Jason’s words never left Patton, but neither did the rumors. As the months passed, they became less prominent, becoming floating leaves in the back of his memory. It wasn’t until much later that they would rear their head again.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me.

---

Present

Virgil paced around his room. He was worried. Patton hadn’t woken up until 11 this morning, which was ages later than he usual. Then, he had refused any visitors to his room, claiming he was doing mass amounts of homework. Virgil brought him some lunch, but he had been instructed to just leave the plate outside the door for him to get in a moment. Patton wouldn’t even let his mother in!

It was, quite frankly, terrifying, and Virgil was glad he’d gotten Logan’s phone number.

Virgil

Read [2:32]

hey lo its virgil

im really worried about pat

he hasn’t come out of his room at all and won’t let any of us come in

Logan

Delivered [2:32]

Ah. It seems he has entered a depressive spiral. As I’m sure you’re familiar with the feelings, I’ll spare you the details. Just know that it is nothing personal.

Excuse me for one moment.

Logan immediately went to his text conversation with Patton and began typing.

Logan

Read [2:34]

Patton. It has come to my concern that Virgil is worried absolutely sick about you. I know that you have been feeling less than subpar today, but I need you to let Virgil in so that you two can work things out. He obviously cares a lot about you, and I know for a fact that you care about him just as much. You are one of my best friends, and it kills me to see you down like this.

As soon as the read symbol popped up, Logan went back to Virgil.

Logan

Delivered [2:34]

Go talk to Patton. If he doesn’t let you in, text me, and I’ll make him.

Virgil let out a light laugh at that. Logan was so caring and willing to help his friends, but he didn’t know how to do it in the most sensitive way. Just seconds later, he stood in front of Patton’s door. He hesitantly reached out and knocked. The door abruptly swung open, and a gloomy Patton motioned him in.

Virgil immediately took a seat on the bed. “I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you like this; I just… I wasn’t thinking properly. I’ve been really worried about you all day, and like… I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the reason,” Patton mumbled, pacing along the blue rug on his floor.

“Then why have you been shutting me out all day?” Virgil’s voice was pained; the sound triggered something inside of Pat.

“Because I was trying to avoid this!” Patton gestured wildly at Virgil’s upset expression. “I didn’t want to hurt you, yet here we are! I’m poisonous, Virge. I do nothing but hurt people. I’m the apple from Snow White--sweet and nice at first, but I’ll end up killing you. You deserve so much better than me! You should have picked Roman or Logan; they’re smarter, nicer, more talented, and so much more. But no! You picked me of all people. I’m clumsy, stupid, reckless, emotional, and just plain pathetic. I have nothing to offer.” He sat down exhaustedly on the bed, flopping back onto the plush comforter.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding, right? Patton, you’re amazing. You talked a stranger that you had never met before out of suicide just because you wanted to. You let that same stranger into your home and then ended up allowing them to live with you. You are so much more than nothing. If anything, I don’t deserve you. Roman and Logan are both wonderful, but you have something special inside of you.” Virgil fell back, too. There were a few beats of silence before Patton spoke again.

“If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you...” Virgil could hear the smile in his voice. He was so glad. He couldn’t bear to live another minute without Patton happy.

“Come at me, bro.”

Virgil felt weight leaving the bed, but he’d only registered it a moment before he was hauled up by the wrists and propelled into a sweet kiss by Patton. He lightly smiled. God, it was good to have someone again. It was even better that said someone wasn’t an asshole.

“So, what are we?” Virgil asked a few moments later, when they had ended their kiss.

“I think the proper term is ‘boyfriends,’” Patton smiled.

“You sound just like Logan.”

“Satisfactory.” Patton let out a small laugh at Virgil’s irritated groan.

“Shut up and kiss me, nerd.”

next

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 3 (Cont.)

“aight fellas im here for the fortnite session where we droppin boys”

Hibiki shows up, ready to participate in this four player game of sociological tension.

“hope hibiki’s doing okay. im worried about her. ryoko, stop resting your arm on my head.”

“ryoko does as ryoko pleases baby”

Vibrates angstily.

“im missing my wife for this guys please lets just do this”

“wish i had a wife too instead of this vase filled with fucking ashes” SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORP

The squad analyzes the statistics of all Noise outbreaks over the last month to see if there’s a pattern somewhere. Somehow, Hibiki is regarded as an authority on this, despite being just a normal girl.

This is not the face of someone who has a degree in Noisology, let alone even listened to a Noisia album.

“looking photogenic while this girl describes how these horrible, lovecraftian entities butcher entire populations will look great on my acting resume”

Strained sounds of holding back laughter at this absolute clownery.

*coughs quietly*

Exposition goes on about the UN acknowledging the existence of Noise, but them existing for far longer, existing in myths as demons and monsters of long ago. This makes little sense, but fuck it, just roll with it. They also say the Noise is rare, but this being Symphogear, the Noise will be here forever, until the end of time.

“its like the noise are a metaphor........................”

Hibiki, looking dead inside as the average overnight studying student would, muses whether someone is behind the noise. She also asks if you can hear the sound of one hand clapping.

Tsubasa makes a very relevant observation that the school is smack dab at the center of all these outbreaks. In retrospect, you probably should have asked her first. She points out it may be because someone wants their get their hands on the almost complete relic hidden away in the 2nd Division: Durandal. Why anyone wants an old ass french sword is beyond me.

“yeah i can do exposition too, fuck you”

Finished relics are extremely rare and as a result extremely powerful. Incomplete ones are pretty powerful, but need to be rebuilt a bit.

“i discovered all this, conveniently, as the only person left to do so! totally not suspicious at all.”

“anime plot hurting brain. bullshit levels make think no good.”

“wish i got hired for a macross anime instead, they get to go to space”

“being meguca is suf- wait, im confusing my roles”

The exposition goes on to note that America wants the relic. This is one of the few shows that depicts America in a very serious and antagonistic light. America never cooperates in any useful way except once.

“it should would suck if someone was sending us them noise monster all on purpose-like”

“yeah............! suuuuuure would suck.... mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm...”

Tsubasa and Ogawa quietly plan idol ruminations. This animation used to be far, far worse.

This is the moment where Tsubasa becomes sword-kin. From here on out, she will always refer to herself as a sword. This is law. Literally every single season has this same deal. She believes she is a sword. I know it’s not literal, but I like pretending it is.

Succ Intensifies

“gonna get her number later after the season is over, damn”

Hibiki muses on the nature of war.

“why we gotta fight”

“cause yall suck”

Ryoko then says some very not nice things that we’re just going to walk right around because Ryoko is a little bit of a weirdo and should probably keep her flirting to the short haired lady working on the bridge.

“i will call the cops, lady”

Hibiki starts her next day at school as she spots Tsubasa during her choir class.

“forget my nintendo switch with the latest smash bros game in the classroom goddamnit”

“hibiki please tone down the gay for five seconds while we try to get through this dumb singing class in one piece”

“i smell a homewrecker”

“THE GAY CAN NEVER BE TONED DOWN, IT CAN ONLY BE TONED”

Hibiki is then fed by multiple classmates for this statement.

The Anime Janai crew is fond of Hibiki, much like a group of Lords being fond of the royal court jester. Hibiki clowns it up by working on a report she procrastinated until the very last minute. “Your life sure is an anime!”, one of them says. Hibiki then says, “I wish!”. They smile in unison at the irony.

Look at how they mock the threads of reality. Absolute monsters.

Hibiki nails the report at the skin of her teeth, Miku’s gonna get ready for the meteor shower, everyone’s real fucking happy, the evening looks peaceful, all is well.

“i cant wait to do all these fun things we promised several times over!”

Unfortunately, the worst case scenario happens.

Her tiddies start ringing.

“no.... fuck.... my tiddies... they’re ringing...”

She knows now she cannot go.

In retrospect, she probably could’ve blown them off. I mean, what are they gonna do? Fire her? She’s practically irreplaceable. Alas, her conscience is too strong. The ringing from her tiddies too loud to ignore.

“okay im back for the thing you promised we’d do repeatedly that we planned for a good amount of weeks now”

“...”

“i got fucking ghosted didnt i”

“cannot fucking believe i got ditched on my hot date with hibiki. bet its because her tiddies rang, isnt it. always her and her... GODDAMN tiddies ringing ALL THE TIME. LET ME BE WITH HER... god...”

“bae. im sorry. the tiddies rang. i have no choice.”

Miku tries to keep it together. Neither of them are happy about this state of affairs, and rightfully so, because it’s fucking stupid. Hell, it would have made more sense of Miku knew but still got jealous anyway, because she feels her job is establishing too much distance! And they talk those problems out instead of issues that only arise if everyone’s a goddamn moron about communication!

“but thats the point of the pl-”

NO! IT’S NOT CLEVER! IT’S FRUSTRATING! THERE ARE CLEVER WAYS TO SHOW A LACK OF COMMUNICATION BESIDES A CHAIN OF OBSTACLES TOO STUPID TO EXIST!

Miku takes the whole thing with grace even though I’m absolutely certain she threw her phone at the wall in raw, gay frustration.

Hibiki, understandably, is pretty fucking pissed.

“im gay. im angry, and im gonna fuck yall up for RUINING MY DATE AFTER HAVING FINISHED MY DAMN REPORT”

Hibiki fights the Noise. She’s gotten slightly better at fighting, but for now she’s still sorta trash at it. A grape themed Noise throws bombs and crushed her under rocks from a ceiling.

You’re a student. You’re the lone survivor of a concert that you got flak about for years. You go to an institution for singing with your best friend and basically get shoved into a life of crime fighting unwittingly. Your only teammate hates you and tried to kill you. You don’t get to hang out with your best friend anymore. Your teachers hate you. And you’re losing against the abominations that may have potentially warped your life negatively, forever.

This is probably the pivotal moment where Hibiki fucking snaps and decides she ain’t taking shit anymore. She’s not at her strongest yet, but mentally? She has decided to tell the world to go fuck itself.

“MY WIFE THINKS IM CHEAAAAAATING, MY TEAMMATE THINKS I SUUUUUUUUUCK, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT”

My, Hibiki, what big fangs you have. All the more to grit your teeth and beat the shit out of things with, I assure you.

Needless to say, even without having the skill, she’s starting to understand and get more comfortable with the full extent of the power her suit provides her.

She’s gotten so mad that even the illustrators are afraid of her.

To note: this isn’t just anime drama silhouette stylization. She is actually physically turning into a red eyed shadow. You’ll know why later down the road.

“YOU WANNA FUCKIN FIGHT ME NOW TSUBASA? HUH? HUH? YOU WANNA FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME?!”

Needless to say, her rampage goes on for a while.

She manages to dispatch all the Noise except for the Grape themed one. Up in the hole it made, she sees the meteor fall from the sky...

Wait, look closer. Is it a bird?

A plane?!

No, it’s...!

“i aint gonna tell her i just did a wish on her”

Sword!

“why the fuck does SHE get jetpacks?!”

Hibiki randomly yells out she wants to protect things too, for absolutely no real reason. Who would even break the ice with that. Hibiki, please.

They sorta stare each other down in a field awkwardly, like a bad high school reunion. But, a mysterious voice breaks out of literally fucking nowhere.

“didnt know they legalized gay marriage in japan already, otherwise id be showing up to this joke of a marriage sooner, you absolute buffoons”

“did this bitch just insinuate id waste my time getting married to this complete idiot, let alone even contemplate getting married in a public park as opposed to having a customized karaoke based marriage in the FUCKING HILTON?!”

“hey time out dont say that shit im already married and my wife already feels enough like im cheating so please keep those comments to yourself okay please”

“eat my ass, nerds. id tell you to come to the park in 15 minutes for an ass kicking...

but we’re already here, now aren’t we?”

[thelifetimechannel]

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

[housecatclawmarks]

ok so Thomas Paine grew up in England, his father was Quaker to the best of my knowledge and he had an elementary school education before becoming an apprentice stay-maker, although there's been some confusion as to whether he made stays for boats or for corsets. As an adult he became a tax collector, and that's how he got into politics, because his tax collector bros were literally starving and unable to provide for their families on a tax collector's wage, so he got to talking and thinking about it a lot and made up a petition to send to the king about better wages for tax collectors, he left his wife and her family for months to go to London and collect signatures.

When he was in London he met Benjamin Franklin, who introduced him to a lot of people who eventually became rlly annoyed with him (relatable right) bc he kept bringing his petition everywhere with him and asking them to sign it. Like, the bar, the cafe, the hot cocoa cafe, parties, dinners, etc., this dude was RELENTLESS. they called him 'Ben Franklin's Paine in the ass'

anyway so Benjamin Franklin was like 'yo u should come to the American colonies!' And wrote him a bomb-ass letter of recommendation and all that shit, but Paine was kinda like 'ehhhhh, idk I got a wife and I still need to submit my petition and shit'

But then like his petition failed bc the government didn't give a shit and his wife divorced him bc she was mad that he never slept with her or hung out with her at all bc he was being angry abt politics all the time. So he left for America, nearly DIED on the ship there cause he got so sick. They bring him outta the ship, he's got a fever and is barely conscious ever but they know he know ben franklin so they get him set up in this woman's house and she agree to look after him and shit. After three months he gets better and he's like 'let's explore the streets of Philadelphia!'

But the thing is he'd originally come there to be a school teacher, bc he thought the colonies were super primitive and didn't have any resources or schools or shit. So he's walking around philly and he sees like three colleges (#univercity repreSENT) and is like 'Oh Shit What Do I Do Now'

and sooooo he starts talking to people, and develops a shit ton of political opinions and starts writing and publishing articles and shit. He wrote against slavery, and like, dueling, and he wrote abt women's rights, but it wasn't widely publicized. Anyway, he became fairly well known in the city and he got a job editing a paper I think?????

But then he got into thinking about like, separating from England and everyone was like 'man that shit's too controversial for us, England is our mom and we're staying w her, god bless the king and his crazy ass policies, fuck I hate that dumbass'

also, people were really dubious about a lot of his talk of separation because he'd only been in a America a few years, and didn't have status or money like other political figures of the time, like John Adams and his bro and shit. So he wrote common sense to get his ideas across to the majority of the people of the colonies, who, like him, didn't have fancy rich-person educations and couldn't understand a lot of the academic and philosophical writing of the time. He wanted to make politics accessible to them, and he succeeded. That shit spread so widely people translated it from English, edited out the parts about doing away with a king, and sold it all the way in France. He wrote it under a pseudonym, so he didn't get credit except from the people who knew who he was via word of mouth, and his publisher fuckin ripped him off, so he didn't get any money either, even though hundreds of copies were bought and made.

The idea of revolution rlly started taking off after that, and a lot of the Founding Fathers™ came up w the idea for the Declaration of Independence and they were like 'yo tom ur a starving political writer u wanna write this for us?' And he was like 'YES.' And wrote up a draft, including a paragraph of anti-slavery sentiments. But the thing is, they'd hired an editing committee, headed by Thomas Jefferson, may that motherfucker know no rest, and they took out a TON of stuff, including the anti slavery bit, bc it was 'too controversial'. In the end, Thomas Jefferson got sole credit and they didn't ask Paine to sign the declaration, bc even though he made it a Point to be friendly w everyone with whose he had a common goal (separation of the United States from England) he was suuuuper uncharismatic and also rlly un-compromisng in his own views, so not a lot of people rlly liked him, and a lot of the important ones kinda just used his ideas and thought he was annoying.

Some other stuff he did:

-fought in the army briefly (I forget what exactly his position was, but basically he enlisted to put his money where his mouth was)

-went to France with John Laurens on a diplomacy mission. did NOT know how to speak French at ALL. More of an anecdote, but John Laurens had to practically drag him out of his house and physically force him to stop writing bc otherwise they'd miss their ship

-tried to create a new bridge design after the war to make money cause he was broke AF but failed. It DID bring him to France tho, where he tried to help their revolution and was jailed. Again, for being 'too radical' although this time that meant 'suggesting fair trials for the aristocracy'

-during his time in the army kind of...stumbled..into a verbal fight with Alexander Hamilton, who had read an old anti-dueling essay of his and was pissed AF. u heard me right folks Alexander Hamilton was the pro-gun politician of his time. Anyway Paine was suuuuper confused bc he'd. legit never met hamilton before in his life and Hamilton didn't say anything just sat there being hostile while John Laurens panicked.

anyway ye there's like more stuff I know like abt his death and stuff but that shits depressing and im not in the mood so like

[heatherwitch]

I was wondering how you cope with the depression that comes with chronic illnesses? Im really struggling at the moment and I was hoping you had some pointers :)

That is a great question and if you’d asked me this a year ago I would’ve had absolutely no idea - but I’ve gotten quite a bit better. Here’s some things that slowly worked for me (not all of them are easy and some required a lot of sacrifice on my part):

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done - especially with doctors trying to pin the blame on you (mainly if you’re undiagnosed). Accept that getting sick isn’t your fault, even if things you did led to it happening. Plenty of people do those things and don’t get sick. It’s not your fault.

Be productive every single day. I don’t care if that productive thing is cleaning the entire house or simply putting all those tissues and wrappers in a neat pile so you can throw them away at a later time. 

Do something to keep clean every single day as well. It can just be using a wet paper towel to wipe off your face, or finally brushing your teeth for the first time that week. Forget your standards for hygiene and be proud of yourself for doing something to help feel human. 

Get some fresh air. Spend the energy to get up and open your window, or go stand in the doorway for a moment. Try to get 5 minutes of fresh air a day. On this note - also try to get five minutes of daylight per day.

Get yourself a decent sized water bottle (one that you can see the level of). Set some drinking goals for the day and be sure to hit them. Start small and slowly build with time. 

Set aside an entire day for taking a bath or showering if you find it exhausting. Build up your energy. Find a good time to do it, so you aren’t in the way if you need to spend time chilling on the bathroom floor afterwards.

Do one thing that makes you feel useful or proud each day. Watch a youtube video on something cool, learn something! Watch an entire season of a show in a day - look at you dedicating that time to something you love! Text someone, talk to someone on tumblr. (I used to love leaving nice anons to people when I was having a really bad day)

Set long-term goals. Plan on walking outside sometime this week. How long are you going to walk? Is there anything else you want to do/look at while you’re outside?

Eat some healthy foods a couple times a week. 3 baby carrots? You’re set.

Try to find a new song that you like at least once a week. Explore new genres, find songs that make you feel good. 

Find a reason to get out of bed. Get some food you’re actually excited about eating for breakfast (who says it has to be healthy?), save that one episode and make yourself do something first before you can watch it, make gentle (or not so gentle) plans with a friend. Maybe they come over, maybe you take the energy to meet them somewhere. That is a HUGE step. 

Get some drinks with electrolytes. Trust me you’ll feel 1000x healthier because of science. 

The biggest thing that helped me was starting college. It was hard, exhausting, took 120% of my energy everyday. There were days I couldn’t feel anything except tired. But it gave me a reason to get out of bed. If I didn’t shower for weeks, it made me feel self-conscious in class. Now, I wasn’t to the point where I was suicidal, but it gave me a reason to live. It felt so good to be learning things and being around other people DESPITE being sick and trying not to die. It also gave me a schedule I had to follow. And being sick, I had no plans for the day after class, which gave me a lot of time to do homework. It gave my perfectionist personality something to focus on besides my inability to do the physical things I was once capable of. But damn it still took me almost a year in college before I started feeling okay. I kept on getting A’s, because school is where I hyper-focused. This quarter I’ll be finishing my second year of college and I’m only halfway to a two-year degree. But that’s okay with me because I have a course load that’s manageable, and now that I’m no longer depressed I can still get good grades without it being the only thing I care about.

Know that your depression is making your illness worse. You won’t be cured, by any means, but you’ll feel a lot better about yourself. You’ll know your actual limits - instead of the one’s your brain is telling you. It becomes so much easier once your brain stops telling you to hate everything about yourself. I still hate my body, I still hate these limitations. But I’m also so proud of how far I’ve come, and how far I will go and you just can’t feel the extent of that until you make it out of being depressed. You will feel better, you do have something to look forward to!

Once you start feeling a little bit human again:

Go meet a friend for coffee. Be really blunt with your limited energy and how awful you feel. Go for the most comfortable seat in the cafe, and don’t feel bad if you spend half the time in the bathroom.

Go to a store that you like and wander around. Sit in the aisles if you need to, who cares if people are judging you (less are than you think). Find some small things that light up your day, and buy them!

Go on a short road trip to someplace cool

If you’re youngish, try to hit a milestone you may have missed (me getting my license when I was 17 felt so good)

Go clothing shopping. Buy some clothes that feel good on your body - even on your bad days. 

Buy bath bombs, bath salts, face masks, etc. Make bathing and cleanliness way more fun!

Also, if you wear makeup - get some new stuff. I know wearing makeup made me feel like a completely new person and way more confident. 

Holy crap I went on a tangent here. This was actually really helpful for me because I never really looked at all the little things I did to make myself feel better. Hope some of this helps you out