#if im correct with all the puzzle pieces ive put together

[purplepixel]

It only took two weeks for my sleep schedule to go from "somewhat unhealthy" to what I think may qualify as nocturnal.

:D

Oh look, its the reflection of my younger self! (and maybe a reflection of my current self depending on the vibes)

You broke the seal. Once the habit forms its hard to break. Good luck soldier o7

Say goodbye to sleeping before 11pm long after college

:[

[crazycatsiren]

ive been following you for a bit, and theres a character trait of yours that i want to understand better. you just seem to have your fingers in so many pies, so to speak. you have chinese heritage, so you practice your ancestral folk practice, which allows you to advise others on buddhism and other related practices. and you're also catholic. and you speak out so much against people not using terminology such as shamans, citing your heritage, but also, despite struggles with mental health in the past, seem to be fine with the hypermedicalisation of mental illnesses (although frankly i can't remember the exact posts made here so please forgive my memory about this.) and you have chronic pain, and a strong attachment and identification with cats, and i think a connection with the greek pantheon as well, and more besides all this - honestly, im a bit in awe, and a bit frustrated that i just cant keep up. how do you manage all of this? dont you worry there will be clashes between different sides of you? i hope this doesnt come across bad, ive only listed all this because i want to make sure i put myself across right, and to leave opportunity for correction if im wrong about stuff.

Life experiences, as well as exposures, have a lot to do with it. And being in my mid 30s now contributes, too.

I've been to and lived in many places, and I've been among and learned from a lot of different people. I don't have supportive parents, so many things I've had to learn the hard way and figure out on my own. My fierce love of learning has led to reading a ton of books, two university degrees, and a constant seeking of knowledge.

And all of these aren't different sides of me. They're pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that make up who I am as a whole. They put together my identity and life as a disabled and queer woman of color, as well as a spiritual and religious person who loves many things, and who wants to discover as much as possible in this world with the time she has on this earth. There's been a great deal of deconstruction, unpacking, unlearning and relearning involved, and they happened over a period of literal decades. Of course, I've had lots of help along the way. Therapists, medications, doctors, access to resources and information, a wonderful support network. I've been through hell and back more than a few times, and I still carry many scars in my heart. I'm in no way a finished product.

But the important part is that I've become an incredibly adaptable and flexible human being. There's a reason why the wheel of fortune is my favorite tarot card.

[maniactypewriter]

The backlog Week 4 [where the hell have you been edition]

I LIVE! In all seriousness, when im at school, I don't have access to my gaming computer and my laptop doesnt have enough space free for a project like this. Anyway, I am back for the next month, so let's get to the first game(s) 

Anomaly warzone earth + Anomaly 2 playtime: 4 hours total

Im bundling these two together as they are very similar in game play. In Warzone Earth, you play as the 14th platoon deployed into the heart of the Anomaly, a giant mysterious dome that crash landed on top of Baghdad and tokyo. As the platoon leader, its your job to make sure the convoy of APCs and walking missile platforms gets through the level safely. The game refers to itself as a tower offense game. Essentially its a tower defense game, but instead of placing down towers, you are the targets that the towers are shooting at. Your vehicle team is constantly moving forward and its your job as commander to choose the right path for the vehicles to drive down and to strategically deploy the four power ups at your disposal. Your tools include a repair which heals your units, a smoke screen which makes enemies less likely to hit your units, and a decoy, which enemies will shoot at instead of your units. Usually the player is spending their time babysitting the convoy and rushing to collect more powers as they are dropped from killed enemies. Each mission has a different objective, but it usually devolves into, get to a place and kill all the towers. 

Anomaly 2 is much the same as its predecessor. Set in the far future after an alien invasion, the earth has frozen over and humanity’s numbers are dwindling. Humanity’s only hope is a single convoy on their way through a frozen america to get to New york. As this is the future, humanity's weapons have evolved as well. The standard ACP with a gatling gun on top has evolved into a car with two gatling guns. And it also turns into a walking mech flamethrowers mounted on either arm. Bad ass. The power ups have also changed a little. You have your standard repair bubble, there is a focus power up which will tell all your units to focus fire on one tower you want particularly dead and an emp type power up which will disable enemy towers for a short while. Anomaly 2 also has multiplayer, but I didn't play that as it is most likely dead at time of play. 

Antihero playtime: 70 minutes

Antihero is a competitive digital board game where each player plays as a master thief in a victorian england type setting. As the leader of a thieves guild, you have to go around a burgle the good people of “London” to fund your operations and buy pieces to put around the board. You can hire urchins to occupy specific buildings for special bonuses, hire thugs to block access to areas, and gangs to off your opponent's units and hunt down targets (as well as making a little extra dosh along the way.) this game takes advantage of being a digital board game because everything your opponent does is done mostly in secret. Obscured by the smog of war, you can not see what your opponent is doing, which could spell your doom if you aren't fast enough to look into his territory with your master thief. 

I am not great at this game. I couldn't get past the second level on easy mode that's how bad I am. However, I can see it is a fun game, and I can see how this game’s multiplayer was popular for a time. However, I dare not go there as I fear that I may be utterly stomped by a player who has had several years more practice than I have at this game.

Apotheon playtime: 4 hours

Apotheon is the story of one greek guy not named kratos going to olympus to kick the butts of all the greek gods. The most striking thing anyone playing this game will notice is the artstyle. It is drawn to resemble Greek pottery paintings. You know the kind. The ones that depict Hercules doing his trials or some other greek hero doing something impressive. Anyway, story. The earth has been screwed over by the gods because chronic rapist Zeus decided to revoke humanity’s access to the things that are necessary to life. Hera picks you as her champion then sends you to mt Olympus to gather the gifts of the gods and maybe smack some sense into her cheating husband along the way. The game play is a 2D mix of dark souls and metroidvania games that are so prevalent in the modern day. However, Apotheon came out before the current wave of soulslikes so there is some small growing pains. Combat is kinda clunky and your character can sprint at 30 miles an hour but immediately slows down to a crawl whenever he so much as touches a staircase. Combat as mentioned before is mildly clunky. It uses a physics engine to do all its swings and stabs. Heavy weapons like a club have a wide swing arc and is directed by which way you tilt the left analog stick. The Reliance on physics to get the job done can lead to some interesting results. I saw one raider in the first area get launched into space after being double teamed by me and a friendly malita man. Apotheon is an interesting game with a stunning artstyle and compelling exploration. Which in this modern age of soulslike metroidvanias, is all you really need to stand out. 

Aquaria play time: 1 hour

Speaking of metroidvanias, Aquaria. As the name suggests, the game is an underwater metroidvania mostly concerned with puzzle solving over combat. You play as Naija, a lonely fish lady who can use the power of song to do magic. As a fish lady, you can swim around the oceanic caverns with relative freedom. The game wants to be played with a mouse and keyboard, as my attempt to play it with a controller was thwarted swiftly. As is fitting for a game where the protagonist’s main power is singing, the game has a killer soundtrack. In the little bit ive heard when I was playing, it was some pretty good music. Visuals are decent. The game has a hand painted aesthetic, however some of the animations are kinda stiff and stilted. This game was originally released in 2007 after all. Small indie metroidvanias were not knocking it out of the park yet in terms of animation yet (im sure someone will correct me on that point eventually…) the small amount I played had me swimming around a claustrophobic map going around and solving puzzles that lead me to new areas and new song powers. One of the first i got was the ability to pull around large rocks. The second allowed me to transform into an old fish goddess and shoot energy missiles at hostile fish. While the game is focused on puzzles and exploration, that doesn't mean it is devoid of combat. I feel as this is the weakest part of what i played. I gave up on the game when i died to a puzzle boss who’s apparent solution didn't work. There is probably a lot I didn't see in my short time with the game. There is a whole cooking mechanic that I didn't fully grasp, as well as pets and the ability to decorate the main character’s house with special decorations you found out in the world. I may revisit this game at some later point, but for now its going back into the backlog as I search for more interesting games with less obtuse boss fights. 

Armello playtime 2 hours

Armello is yet another digital board game. Set in a fantasy version of zootopia, the king of the land has fallen ill with the Rot. and all the clans of the land have sent their strapingest of adventurers to go and try and claim the throne for themselves. This can be done in one of four ways. Having the most honour points (gained by killing other players, or completing quests), gather four spirit stones and cleansing the king of Rot, having the most Rot yourself, or just straight up murdering the king. In the few matches I have played, the easiest one to achieve is the Honour victory, although that might just be my play style. Like most board games, rounds are taken in turns. Each player has a certain amount of hexes they can move, and landing on spaces will have different effects. Most events that happened as a result of landing on a space are luck based. “Perils” have you rolling dice, quests have you selecting from a circle of icons trying to pick the one that will net you a reward, and a random spinner that could give you anything from rot to gold to teleport you to the other side of the map. Once everyone has had their turn, day turns to night and new monsters spawn on the board. When the sun rises again, the king dies a little from his fantasy aids and gives the person with the most honor points the choice between two Decrees which will most likely be terrible for everyone involved. On top of all this, players have access to a hand of three cards. Which have various effects. Proper use of your cards can lead to victory or defeat depending on who you're playing as. Armello has an online mode, but like the other online modes in this batch of games, I dare not touch for fear of getting crushed. The game also has an online store where you can buy new skins for your dice and new character packs. It's a fun little board game, but im putting it on the shelf for now because i’ve had my fill and have  no friends to play it with.