#if i wake up and hes lost im blowing up my phone. ill have lost all hope in this sites reading comprehension

[lokh]

im about to be so fucking annoying. block the ajin tag now lmao

[nikrangdan]

roommate!heeseung pt. 1

pairing: roommate!heeseung x female reader

genre: mini fic(?), fluff, comedy, tiny angst(one little sad part)

warnings: cursing!!! 

word count: 4.3k

description: i guess you just didnt realize you were in love with your roommate...... who has a girlfriend

————

“ow!”

you had just hit heeseung over the head after he said he would burn all of your plushies

your Precious. Plushies

hell no you’ve been collecting these since you were 11 no way in hell heeseung would threaten ur babies

you rolled your eyes and started to walk to the kitchen to get a snack

stupid heeseung

hes always saying stupid shit🙄

before you walked out though you noticed the look on his face

like he was contemplating something

“y/n... can you do me a favor?” he nervously uttered out before you walked out his door

“....what kind..?” you furrowed your brows

why was he being so cryptic

“uhh i need you to get flowers and chocolates for me from stacys....”

STACYS?????????

stacys was this fancy store 45 MINUTES AWAY..

“ur fucking serious?” you deadpanned

this was something new

in all your 8 months of living with him he had never asked you of a favor this big

for context.., you had moved to this city apartment for college 8 months ago but you couldn’t afford it without a roommate

but luckily you overheard a certain boy praying for an apartment while you were on campus

and you guessed it!!! it was heeseung

you two clicked easily and you were very thankful he was your roommate

after 4 months of living together he told you he got a girlfriend

you didnt really know about his campus life since you didnt have classes together and you never saw him walking around

you dont know why you were surprised when he told you... i mean have u seem Him.....

but nonetheless

u were like “Omg heeseung!!! thats great<3” like the supportive friend u were

yeah and that was that

you didnt meet the girl until another month later

Now that..... that was an experience......

FLASHBACK WHOOSH

*knock knock knock*

who tha hell was knocking at 7 in the morning.........

you staggered your way over to the front door with your matching hello kitty pajamas

and u open the door to see a blonde Lady who looks around your age

Why did u forget to look thru the little peephole in the door...... ur probably just tired whatever

anyways ur like

“uhm....”

and shes like

“? who are you.?”

and ur like

??!!?[\^€]€\¥,_[+{*}*

“i live here....”

and shes like

“?...? oh sorry i thought my boyfriend lived here..”

and ur both just standing there like ;-;

shes all dressed up and u look like a childs room threw up on u

And thats when it hit u

“OH”

“are you heeseungs girlfriend?!!???” your hand raises up to point at her unconsciously

“ yes.. i am” she looked so lost it was so funny

“oh then you have the right place im sorry! hes my roommate” you scurry back into the apartment, gesturing for her to come in and close the door behind her

“what? he didnt tell me had a roommate..”

poor girl 😭😭😭

you quite literally pounce into heeseungs room and smack him while shes still standing outside awkwardly in the living room

“fucking idiot” smack to the face

“wake up” smack to the chest

“heeseung i swear to god” you shake his head

“are you fucking dead???? wake up!!!!” you pinch his ears really hard

that woke him up

“Ow ow ow ow OWWW y/n what the hell???” his eyes are forced open but theyre squinted due to the sunlight

“your girlfriend is here” you whisper-yell at him

“what???” he sat up so quickly you almost laughed

you were 90% sure she heard everything

oh well

his problem

he just stares into space for a second before his eyes go wide

ur just sitting on his bed waiting for him to do something like Uhhh

“shit i planned a date today oh my god” he jumped up from his bed and hastily told you to “stay put” before throwing on a hoodie, walking to see his girlfriend, and slamming his bedroom door leaving u sat on his bed

yes u were nosy Muahahahahah

so u pressed ur ear against the door to listen to their conversation

“sora, im so sorry i slept in late i promise ill make it up to you please baby dont be mad”

you had to stifle your laughter with your hand

God this was gold

“heeseung why didnt you tell me you lived with a girl.”

oooooooh hes in trouble you laugh to yourself

“ah about that.. im sorry i didnt tell you.. dont worry though, you know i only like you! shes just my roommate”

ouch

Why did that hurt 😪

“whatever heeseung.. ill call you later” and then you heard the door slam

already???? you were ready to get ur popcorn :///

you didnt even notice it had been a while before the door opened with you still leaning on it

boom u fell on the floor

“ow”

“shut up” he said before jumping face down on his bed

you stand up to lean against his door again, staring pitifully at the boy

“you okay?” you cross your arms

“mmm” he mumbles into his pillow

“you know i think i deserve a treat for being woken up at 7am on a sunday by your little girlfriend”

“little? shes taller than you” he turned around to lay on his back and chuckle

“oh so you’re making jokes right now when your girlfriend might break up with you?” you glare at him

“shes not gonna break up with me over something this little” he rolls his eyes and grabs his phone from his nightstand

“you know you’re a little piece of shit heeseung!” you yell out to him after you walked out of his room

“how?!” he yelled back

“treat your girlfriend better!”

he kept his mouth shut after that

yeah you two didnt talk for the rest of the day because he stayed in his room sulking or whatever

fast forward to now

Right after he asked u to get him the chocolates and flowers

“please y/n, sora is gonna be here in 2 hours and i need to get everything ready and i dont have enough time to do everything” he begged

WITH THOSE CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOG EYES OF HIS GOD

“do you really need them from stacys though???” you whined

he just huffed and glared at you “yes! sora only likes them from there.”

“nuh uh mister dont give me that look” you narrow your eyes at him

he immediately stops his glare and tries to look neutral

it almost made you laugh

you just looked at him for a few seconds before giving up

“fine. but what am i getting in return?”

his eyes lit up and traveled up as he was in thought

“hmmm ill buy you food whenever you want for a month”

Wow

“woah thats more than i bargained for but deal!” he didnt realize that until after you shook his hand, very enthusiastically might i add

Lol

so now you were on your way home with the MASSIVE bouquet of roses and beautifully wrapped chocolates sitting nice and snug in the passenger seat of your car

these two things costed $115

oh well its heeseungs money not yours

you found it amusing because heeseung was nowhere near rich so where was he finding this money to blow

over an hour later and ur finally back home

u open the door

u struggled very much btw

almost dropped everything haha

but woah......

your eyes widened and your mouth fell open

“heeseung? you didn’t tell me you two were having the date here..”

as soon as you walked in you smelled a pretty scent and the lighting was dim

it was beautiful

there were candles lit on every surface

rose petals were scattered messily everywhere

the two seater dining table was topped with elegant decor

there was quiet jazz music playing from his speaker

the familiar aroma of your favorite food hit you

standing there in your apartment didnt feel real

it felt like you were in a dream

you couldnt believe your apartment could turn into room from a fairytale

you were never one to be into disney princesses and fantasies

but for the first time ever you almost wished for a prince charming yourself

you almost got lost in a trance

and then....

the boy himself walked out

donned in an all black suit with a sliver of the white undershirt peeking underneath and the white tie

his bangs were covering his forehead and you noticed he styled them to be wavy

he had his earrings in and rings were present on 3 of his fingers

he looked absolutely dazzling

you dont know how or why.. but your heart began to race

why did this feel like it was for you...?

you wanted to be his disney princess

staring at him wistfully, it felt like time had stopped

“oh thanks y/n, i almost thought you ditched me” he chuckled quickly

he was frantic and out of breath as he snatched the things out of your hand

“right!” he began as he sped around the room setting everything up

“im sorry but i forgot to ask if you could leave for today. im such an idiot, im sorry y/n.. you can stay at a friends house or something for the night?” he didnt even look at you as he perfected the chocolates on the counter and the plates on the table

you couldnt help but notice your heart clench and your stomach twist at his words

you were still glued to your spot infront of the door

“o-oh! yeah, okay thats fine ill get my stuff now” you scurry to your room

you speedily threw some clothes and necessities in a bag before walking back to him

“hey..”

he didnt look at you

“helloooo”

“heeseung” you poke him

he finally turned to you

“sorry what?” he gazed down at you with big eyes

“its okay.. just wanted to let you know im leaving now” you give him a small smile

“oh right! thank you y/n again” he grinned

his pretty smile

“you look great by the way... have fun” you manage to say before slipping out the door

you didnt let him reply back because if you stayed in there a second longer you think you would’ve fallen in love with him

where did these feelings come from...?

you smack yourself on your forehead as youre walking down the steps to your car

ur probably just feeling like this because no man has ever done anything like that for u

and seeing it in real life made u want a bf 😟😟

yeah... thats it

so now ur at sunoos house

a close friend from your finance class

he lives in his parents house but theyre never home so he basically owns the place and doesn’t have to pay for it

Yeah u kinda envy the boy

but you love him because hes great

“y/n ..do you like him????” sunoo gasps

you guys are watching tangled for the 10th time and you were explaining what happened back at your apartment

“what? where did you get that from?” you snort, your eyes still focused on the movie

you could literally feel his eyes piercing into your soul with that stare

“the way you were telling me that story.... you sounded a bit jealous if i do say so myself..” he raises his eyebrow and leans back into the couch

“i do not like heeseung, sunoo” your eyes roll and you turn to look at him finally

he has a little smirk as he looks at u suspiciously

“hmmm okay, i get it” he raises his arms in defense and surrenders “you don’t wanna talk about it”

you scoff and laugh at his actions “you’re so annoying”

so ..*time skip* lol

you slept at sunoos for the night

it wasnt anything new bc u used to stay at his alot while u were in the process of moving into your apartment

one of his guest rooms is practically urs bc u have some decorations and spare clothes there :P

when you woke up that sunday morning you realized you forgot to set an alarm

so now its like 11am

well its not like you needed to be home so you shrugged it off

“morning” u said to sunoo when u saw him sitting on the couch watching wreck it ralph

boy loves his movies

“when are you going home?”

“wow rude.... not even a good morning back??” you found him amusing

“sorry, good morning. when are you going home” he turned his head to look at you

it made you laugh

Sunoo is so funny u love him

“do u wanna get rid of me that bad??? i hate you”

“ni-ki and jungwon are coming over today and i dont want you smothering them like you always do” he playfully glares at you

NI-KI AND JUNGWON???!!!??!!!!!!

“MY BABIES????” you exclaim and jump on the couch next to sunoo

“yes” he exasperatingly says

“now leave before they get here”

“WHAT?? no im staying because i wanna see them”

“NO!!!! now get out of my house y/n”

“why not?!!???! sunoo please i bet they miss me so much”

“y/n please.. they do NOT miss you”

“they literally do i always make them cookies and theyre like y/n ur so cool we love you”

“u mustve been hallucinating....”

“sunoo please please please i dont wanna go home” u tried to muster up the cutest puppy dog eyes ever

he looked at your face for a moment

“no u look ugly”

“YOU’RE SO ANNOYING” you push him

“theyre coming back tomorrow you can come then! today is boys night”

“boys night?” you snort “what the fuck are u kids gonna do that i cant be around for?”

“SHUT UP Y/N get out of my house!” he just starts to drag you out of his house himself

“ow oW OKAY fine ill leave... have fun doing.. whatever you’re gonna do” you grab your bag and start to head for the door

sunoo slams the door in ur face after he says “bye dont come back please” 😭😭😭

“asshole!” u yell to him thru the door

you just huff and stand on his porch for a second

you wonder if heeseung still has his girlfriend over and decide to text him

y/n🦧: hi can i come back home

welp

now ur sitting on sunoos porch waiting for a reply

10  minutes pass while ur scrolling on your phone and still no reply

you look up when you hear the front door open

“why are you still here?” sunoo frowns at you

“heeseung didnt answer my text and i dont wanna go back if his girlfriend is still there” you reply

“go home y/n plz.... i lied jungwon and ni-ki arent coming over.. my grandparents are” he tries to shoo you away

“why would you lie about that” you laugh

“theyre really mean! but you can come back tomorrow because the boys are actually gonna be here.. now go because my grumpy grandparents are gonna be here in like 5 minutes” he guides your shoulders down his porch

“ugh.. if his girlfriend is still there its your fault” you pout

“wha- how is that my- whatever y/n go home!!!”

when you drive off you dramatically wave your hand to him trying to show how desperately you did not wanna go home

sunoo just giggles and runs back inside

you drove home extra slow Lol

and now you were at the door contemplating whether or not you just make a run for it

but u said fuck it because u missed the comforts of ur own room

well u knocked a little before unlocking the door

how embarrassing to be knocking on the door of ur own home 💀

you didnt get an immediate answer so u just stood outside in the apartment hallway....waiting....

after waiting for like 30 seconds (because ur impatient) you knock again

well i tried to be nice you thought

you finally gave up and unlocked the door with your keys, kind of slowly opening the door to peek in

hmmm.... nothing

the sun was emitting some rays of light through one of the windows but none of the lights were on

and why was there food still on the table..?

you were kind of afraid to go see heeseung 

but

you did notice one thing

there wasn’t a pair of shoes u didnt recognize sitting on the rack by the door 

so... is his girlfriend not here or did she bring her shoes to his room lol..

“hello?” you unconfidently called out to nobody in particular

no answer

you slipped your shoes off quietly and tiptoed towards the hallway that included both of your rooms across from eachother

the kitchen and living room looked untouched 

to describe u being confused would be an understatement

you set your bag down on your bed and then made your way to heeseung.. just to check on him

you were genuinely so confused rn

you thought they would be cuddling on the couch or talking in his room or something but it was dead silent throughout the house

“heeseung?” you soft knocked on the door of his bedroom

surely he couldnt still be asleep.. it was noon on a monday and heeseung would normally be up by 10 because he said he would “start being a more productive man” as he said it

you always laughed at him because he used to wake up at like 3pm on days he didnt have class

anyways you didnt get an answer which was slightly concerning because you didnt forget to take note that you saw his car in the parking garage when you arrived

“i’m coming in” you called out to him before twisting the knob and pushing the door open

you realized you might be crossing a line and he’d get upset at you for invading his privacy but you were honestly worried for your friend

at first you didn’t see him

his room was empty, not a single person in sight

that is until you further examined the big lump on his bed

“heeseung? what...” you walked over to the lump that you only knew was him because you could see a bit of his hair peeking out from the top

“um.. am i interrupting something..” you awkwardly said, debating whether or not to go closer

he wasn’t saying anything so you guessed he was sleeping

how odd for him

you wanted to just check real quick and then you’d leave his room

so your feet padded softly against his wooden floor as you made your way over to him

and you bent down a little to kind of tug the huge blanket away from his face

as you got closer you also noticed his girlfriend wasnt here

the first thing you noticed was that he was definitely not asleep

your eyes widened and your hand instinctively went to his face to cup his cheek

“are you okay?! why are you crying?” you quickly asked, your eyebrows were furrowed in worry

in your months living with him you have never seen him show any emotional feelings in front of you and it almost made you panic

his eyes locked onto yours before he looked away from you and closed his eyes

he still hasnt said anything and you really didnt know what to do in this situation

you took your hand off his cheek before sighing

now you’re just sat on the side of his bed just looking at him.. wondering what to do

you were sure he wasn’t sleeping even though his eyes were shut and he wouldnt move

but you sat there for 5 minutes and he didnt seem to mind

“sora broke up with me” 

he finally broke the silence

...

you didnt know what to say

you couldnt ask if he was okay when he obviously wasnt

“do you wanna talk about it? you looked over to heeseung to see him staring at you

“not really” he broke eye contact once again and looked up towards the ceiling

“later i will.. just not now” he breathed out

you nodded at that, understanding his situation

you felt terrible for the boy

his eyes were red and his voice was all nasally like he’d been crying

“i’ll leave you alone now..” you patted his big blanket fluff to lighten the mood and walked out his stuffy room

hours had passed while he was stuck in that room and you didnt know what to do 

it was 7pm already

you spent the day watching tv in the living room 

but it was dinner time and you made ramen (his fav!!!) in hopes that he would come out of there

“heeseung you’ve gotta eat” you knock on his door again

you had told him to eat at 2 earlier but he insisted that he wasnt hungry

you were surprised when he instantly opened the door and your hand was still in midair as you were knocking

if your hand moved an inch you wouldve been knocking on his chest which you found very funny but you didnt think this was the right time for jokes

“hi” you looked up at him

he was wearing his purple beanie with sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt

he definitely looked better than he did this morning which you thanked god for

“hey” he gave u this look :]

“you okay? i made ramen.. can you smell it” you kinda giggled

“yeah, thanks” he tried to send you a small smile which you were thankful for

“okay well come eat because i worked very hard on it” you turned on your heels and went towards the tiny kitchen island with two seats

he followed you and sat next to you as you gave him his bowl and chopsticks

“bon appetit!” you clapped your hands before digging in

you were proud of urself ngl... the ramen was smacking

“thank you y/n” he said softly

you refused to admit it but he was.. So Cute

“no problem, just eat” you grinned

and you two ate in silence for a good 15 minutes

he said he would do the dishes after you were done which was relieving because you wanted to go jump in your bed and watch tiktoks very badly

there was a slight awkwardness in the air too so you wanted to let that cool off too

so now you were cuddled up in our bed with your phone very close, almost too close, to your face

and you could hear the sink running as heeseung washed the dishes

you silently prayed he was feeling better and that he would be over it soon

the sink turned off and you could hear his footsteps coming towards the hallway

what surprised you was that you heard knocks on your bedroom door

“can i come in?” he asked

“yeah its open” you replied

u had to get out of ur blanket cocoon :///

you watched him stride over to sit next you on your bed

he even got under the covers and laid down like dang lmao u getting comfy i guess

“whats up?” you were sitting up while he was laying on your pillows

“so.. she broke up with me last night” he spoke while hugging one of your plushies

oh OHH so this is what this is about

“oh.. are you feeling better now?”

“yeah i think.. we only dated for 4 months but i really liked her....”

“did she say why she did?” you asked

“she said she found someone else. i dont know if you know this but shes a year older than me and she told me she wasnt into younger guys which doesnt even make any sense because her ex was younger than her too and-”

“okay heeseung” you laugh “people are like that, you just gotta deal with it”

“yeah yeah, i know” he sighed “i dont know.. i dont know if im sad i lost her or if im sad over the fact that i dont have a girlfriend anymore”

“was she your first girlfriend?”

“me? y/n” he laughed “ive had plenty before”

“oh” you didnt even wanna ask

“why? have you never had a boyfriend or something?” he joked

“no....” you trailed off, unable to look him in the eye out of embarrassment

you were never even embarrassed about that but for some reason admitting it to heeseung made you shy

“what?! no way” he was actually shocked

“yes way now can we change the topic this is terrible” you roll your eyes and shove a plushie in his face

“awee little y/n” he teased you

“get out” you snickered

“okay okay fine.. but yeah i think i’ll be okay. she broke up with me as soon as she got here so all of my planning was for nothing. i think that was what devastated me the most, i had no one to eat with”

you wanted to yell I LITERALLY EXIST soooo bad

Why is he so stupid....... 

“thats sad...” you said

you wanted to laugh at your reply bc what else could you say

“yeah anyways you dont have to worry about taking care of me while im sulking or whatever im cool now’

“well that was quick.. you were acting like a baby this morning now ur this tuff guy” you tease

“yeah yeah i dont even know why i was acting like that” his cheeks went pink

“im just kidding” you send a small smile his way “you know im always here for you right? dont be afraid to be a little emotional sometimes” you reach over to pat his head

“thanks y/n” he smiles “you’re a really great friend”

ouch

yeah.. friend

[iamtheempress]

Lets Talk

She nursed a nice bruise on her face in the bathroom, one that bloomed from her cheek to the top of her brow, extending a green fingertip to her cheek to heal it slowly, hopefully bringing back some natural skin tone to her cheek again.

 A normal practice for treating her wounds all her life, all while keeping herself awake and conscious with an energy drink that was half empty and the ever present feeling of anticipation. The source of anticipation lingering on that phone beside her, a burner phone she bought at the beginning of the day.

Chiaki's eyes flickered to her burner phone right next to her, waiting for a reply from a face shed only met during a fight earlier that morning with her father. 

Heroes against Villains, that old fight that will seemingly never ever cease, she cant remember why the incident happened but she just knew that she and her father were first responders along with a handful of other heroes.

 She inspects the faded mark on her face and closes the door to the bathroom, quietly as to not wake her mother who had tried to quell her worried eldest daughter, Aoi had retired to bed about an hour ago… the media had picked up on the travesty of a fight that happened earlier that day. Causing a nasty uproar from civilians and the media alike.

It was everywhere, newspapers, radio stations, the internet and she can hear the newscaster announce it clearly. "Pro Hero Witch is in the Literal Hot Seat today, is she someone we need to keep an eye on? Her power was in full effect keeping a fifteen-story building from crushing her and her battered teammate, FullCharge. Who had beaten the negligent heroin enough to make her heal him, after she did this the building she was supporting fell upon her and 5 other civilian lives, after letting the villain come to know as Dabi escape-'' she turned off the tv sick and tired of hearing of how useless she’s been, the ensuing argument she had with her family left scars on her psyche she wouldn't bat an eyelash at, she couldn't care about her reputation when she let people die on her watch. 

Useless. Lazy. A joke. 

She let those 5 civilians die so callously, she didn't know them and yet she doesn't feel as bad, atleast not right now. Casualties are a norm for heros, right?

The icing on the cake was to hear the media call her that word negatively again. 

Witch… 

A name she used to take her power back from a horrible nickname in her childhood. Now once again weighing on her like chains to the floor.

 She walked to bed holding the phone and lamenting, falling to her bed with a resounding flop.. It's her fault.. she let Dabi go, and everyone saw it.

 She let everyone down and even had her phone blown up by her friends. She turned her attention to the group chat and took a peek from behind the iron curtain of guilt. Bakugou's name was the first to catch her eye.

Bakugou: Chili. Hey dumbass answer us! We have been trying to call you all day and you leave us on read. Answer us goddammit! We don't want to confront you ourselves and see what your deal is but we will if you don't answer us for the rest of the night.

Midoriya: We will give you another 30 and we're coming over, we promise we're not going to gang up on you, Chili…That wouldn't be right. 

Chiaki: How can i trust that, you all saw my situation, no one did a damn thing to help me, i get im also the healer but that includes people defending me in order to heal at a distance or else I HAVE THE TARGET on me. I cant face any of you. 

Bakugou, Izuku, Shouto and more are typing…

She wept rubbing her eyes with her sleeve and making her tear up. Out of everyone… she assumed someone would understand but they all seemed to give her the same look, it made her heart stop. Once again she's the bad guy in a situation she lost control over. With guilt in her heart, she recalled the last moments before he got away. 

Dabi got her father off of her. No hesitation, blasted him clean off of her with enough force it could have singed her head to toe, but he didn’t. She went to get up and saw her father immolated in blue flames as she turned to see the same man she was sent to apprehend was standing fixed about 10 feet from her, his eyes trained solid on her. She looks up at the buildinh started to grown from the integrity being lost from the fight, it began to collapse down on them until she suspended it above the both of them, mere feet from his head; they stared at one another like deer in headlights. A sinister smirk spread across his features before disappearing from her view, in the kick up of dirt and rubble, 

Chiaki couldn’t bring herself to apprehend him. 

Why..? Did he see the desperation in her eyes or the fact that she barely had a leg to stand on when her own father took her down a size, when he saw insubordination over saving herself and not her father who was completely fine? Or was there another ulterior motive to keeping her alive?

Upon trying to close her eyes, and hopefully forget about this whole day.  

The burner phone buzzed to life. 

The screen could have been the brightest thing in the room, a beacon in the night beckoning her. Distant thunder rumbled to indicate the dire decision she's made, as well as a storm that was approaching.

 Her heart stopped, she lifted the phone slightly and slid her thumb over the screen. To see the text message from an unavailable number. 

“How is that eye feeling, Witch?” 

The text read, her fingers flew across the keyboard. 

“It’s been better, I fixed it up. Is this really Dabi?” upon sending the message the text came up as read. Is she really thinking of doing this… he messaged her back quickly. “Maybe I am, I have seen the news today and that shot of you and I standing before the building collapsed on us was cinematic so I have to give you props for that. I’m guessing the reason you wanted to speak to me was not make pleasantries and talk about our days.” 

“You want to join the League.” 

There it is. The question that lain heavily upon her mind. Shed never considered it as much as she has recently. The ridicule of her graduating class, her power seen as something not all heroes should use for good. She proved time and time again how she is not something to worry about.. But here she was.. Being abused and taken advantage of by the people she cared for. 

“Yes. I do.” She sent it with no hesitation and sat up in her bed looking down upon the phone, he made quick work of messaging her back, again. 

“We havent recruited anyone worth our time in a while. From what I saw recently as well as today. We were considering reaching out to you..but this works much better. Meet tonight?” Her golden eyes widened and her mouth popped open out of sheer shock. “Around what time? Ill be there” She stands up, with a loud crack of lightning the rain poured outside, she cursed and saw a location pop up on her phone.

An old and run down apartment complex outside of city limits. “Now. Get going. Text me when you're close.” Chiaki sprung out of bed without a second thought. Redressing herself in simple attire, something to not be seen on the streets so easily especially at night. Black leggings, worn in combat boots her mother gave her, a large black hoodie and that burner phone.

 While tying her hair up in a bun she saw her phone, the one with her best friends messaging her… and Midoriya’s name front and center..

Izuku: “Hey, cmon, Chili. We know you’re there.. We saw what happened and we want to know if your alright…We can see you reading our messages”

Izuku: What happened with your dad wasn't right but something doesn't add up from that fight, Chili.”

Bakugou: “It makes just as little sense to me too dumbass! Why did he spare you and go for FullCharge.”

Bakugou: “You better not have done something youll regret dumbass we cant lose you!”

Kiri: “I already have Shouto were on our way to talk to you, Spooky, were not mad..”

Her heart stopped in her throat as she started typing to them. She could see them all stop typing in unison. 

“Theres nothing to talk about. You all have made up your mind about me..i can see it. I sound like im just a problem to all of you. Consider me gone.” Chiaki tossed her old phone to the bed and scrawled a note. 

“I loved you all.. I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted me to be.”

With one message her phone began to blow up. Without looking back, she was gone. Hopping from her window to the road below with a splash into a puddle and starting her jog, leaving the only home she's known her whole damn life, as well as leaving her hero life behind her.

About a solid 30 minutes later she noticed she saw the buildings become more and more dilapidated marked with graffiti as sirens shrieked down streets and seedy characters crept behind alleyways, the city limits were within a mile away, and so was the old apartment building. 

Impatient and eager to meet him face to face, she messaged him.. "About a block or two away." she pulled her hood up as she exited a mini markets awning that was closed, rain started to shower down upon her, her light hair hidden beneath the oversized hood, the old marquis sign coming into sight. 

The phone vibrated in her pocket, Chiaki pulled it out and the words shone bright across her face. “You better not be some spy.. I won’t be too happy. So in your best interest, i'd be 100% transparent with me.”  She texts back quickly. “I am an open book and got little to hide.”

The text was read and the old marquis was above her, “No turning back now… the guys will be looking for me in no time.” She said to herself and entered the lobby of the closed apartment building, through the heavy wooden doors. It looked like it used to be grand but now it was so in disrepair that the wallpaper was torn back from walls and holes were created from years of neglect. 

Chiaki pulled her hood back and looked around, listening to the silence of the apartment, she took a breath and emanated a glow from her hands, her fingers and thumb lit up like bright green glow sticks.

From behind a darkened figure glided his scarred palm across the tattered wall approaching her slowly, he speaks up, cutting the silence and startling her. "Ah..There you are, you certainly didn't waste your time, Witch" she gasped and whipped around to see him, Dabi. She let out a nervous laugh and took a step forward, if she were not in this situation she wouldn't hesitate to take him down but this instance she felt on equal ground to him so she felt no threat.

 "I don’t dodge opportunities, especially ones like this, I would have contacted someone sooner but I wanted a reason to do this.. And you seemed like someone I wanted to contact first hand." Dabi approaches her until he is within mere feet of Chiaki, his feet shuffling with each stride, he's easily taller than her by more than a couple inches, being 5”2’ is sometimes a hindrance.

He blows air out of his nose with a laugh. “You were in luck then.. I had my eye on you for a while and finding intel for you was far more complicated than we expected. Chiaki Nakamura is it?”  one hand stuffed into his pants pocket and the other out to gesture towards her, his scarred hand fanned out, talking with his hands was natural for him to do it seems. His cyan blue eyes raking down her front and back to her eyes. Unblinking and just as dark and spellbinding as before, all the while being intensely overwhelming in every aspect physical. Chiaki’s heart bounced in her chest to her throat. 

His head lulls to the side.

 "Thats my name..” The young pro speaks softly, Dabi noticed the apprehension in her voice,"Oh are you nervous little Witch..?"  he didn't need her scurrying off or anything so he took to sauntering slowly around her, sizing her up like a hungry shark. She didn’t speak but caught his eyes through his black hair that curtained his eyes. “Just a bit but if i were any more scared i wouldn’t be here..” He looked upon her glowing green hands, it made her mildly conscious of the fact that they were shaking.

“Then my reputation precedes me even to fresh faces like you.” He says with a hoarse chuckle, he backs up with his arms spread open, she catches a glimpse of his long scarred arms, they flopped back down to his sides, She laughs gently in turn, her eyes fixed on his face, being this close she could see the gold sheen to the staples on his mouth and under his eyes. 

“If that nervous behavior is because you’re scared and having second thoughts about this.. And want to go back to playing around as a hero, i won't hesitate to fry you where you stand, but i'm hoping you're using that common sense of yours so i don't have to.” She listens intently, unwavering and dimming her hands back down, as to not allow her quirk to radiate outside the building.. Dabi’s mouth doesn’t even move beyond a normal straight line but his eyes say everything: He doesn’t see her as a stranger.. Despite this being their first time meeting amicably.

 “rest assured i won’t hurt you, from what I have seen already we need someone with a quirk like yours around, but when it comes to me bringing you back to the bar.. They won’t allow you in unless I check you for a wire, lift your arms.” He instructs and she lifts her arms just enough for him.

 His hands starting to traverse her arms and waist make her face swell with heat, a much more embarrassing position to be in… He was thorough and rough with the patdown, his face remained the same unchanging and stoic, her eyes trained on his face and the rough scars that covered the bottom portion of his face to the part directly under his tear ducts. Besides that he doesn't look bad.. The scars only add that intense look to him, the reason why people were scared of his looks. 

“I wanted to know something..” She caught his attention with a low hum, his brow raising and his lips curling upward. “What was the deal with you getting my father off of me..why didnt you attack me.” His hands finished patting down her body and he tuts her pulling the burner phone from her pocket.

 “You see.. That moment was televised and the moments leading up were not, and if they were, they didn't televise your abuse period or the reason behind it. It was pretty tragic, I heard your father's harsh words.. even more brutal pounding id say, he blocked all of your defences, your little friends didn't come for your rescue, they stood around." She stood stock still listening to him,

"Our Pro Hero lil Witch being ‘saved’ by me when i had enough of seeing someone who is more useful then her partners let on, being beaten to a pulp, and then when things seemed to be working in your favor and the fabled heroes would have gotten me, you in turn...stopped an entire highrise building from squishing me to death.” He leans forward and drops his voice an octave, dipping into a form of seductive and joking. 

“Kinda humiliating isn’t it? Being saved by a well known villain isn't really what the public wants to see.." he shrugs and steps back looks down at his palm, his long fingers moving around trying to catch her attention like he could light a flame at any moment,  with the other hand in his pocket. "I saw someone who needed help in more ways than one.” Her eyes widened as he stuffed the phone into his pocket “I saw someone who I had my eye on for a while being beaten for not doing something as useful as aiding her teammate… and for her own safety right?” He questions as he leans back against the wall adjacent to her.

 “Yeah.. that's right.. How do you know all that? I mean like, not alot of people know that about my quirk, i cant heal at a distance and provide backup unless i have backup...” He snaps his fingers and points at her. “Exactly my point. Your dear old dad didn't take his much more volatile daughter into account and only used you as a support to him, fueling his ego and making you look bad to the rest of the world.” his demeanor was so foreign to her, he spoke so eloquently and with conviction, a sadistic and perverse form of understanding that drew her in like a super magnet.

 She stood blanched, thunderstruck by how he's describing the situation to her, It's like he's in her head reading every emotion as plain on her face. “Yes. He never took me seriously… as a hero.. No one really ever did.” Dabi's eyes softened as their eyes remained locked in a stare of...mutual understanding on his part… she knew little of his past or who he was, but the weight of not being good enough or a lost cause caused his fists to clench.. he not dare ask anything personal yet.. he has a job to do and earn her trust and read her and her situation like a book. Foreshadowing the type of person she was made to be over years of unfair treatment and situations outside of their control.

 “Getting closer.. Go on, Witch.” She swallowed air and kept spilling her guts..  “I use my quirk to even help anyone or… do something for the good of others and its never highlighted in the slightest, no job well done or whatever. No sort of fanfare or recognition, i come home and.. get judged and told I'm not as good as… as him, from him.” SHe clasps her hands together and opens them up again, Dabi’s eyes watching the little light show from her fingertips and then fade away again. The more his eyes looked to her hands the more he wanted to see the beautiful little auras again, it was then Dabi realized her quirk is easy to be triggered, or atleast constantly active. “But when… i do one thing thats out of character for a… normal pro hero… all eyes are on you..and I was treated like a...pariah” 

Dabi nods his head and his smooth voice lulled her ears “Understand now? They only want you when you're useful to them, you're treated as backup, but in the right hands you could be so much more..” Her head hung low, like she just discovered it, that despite her power and the fact shes equally as dangerous maybe even more so she's treated as lesser than everyone else. 

Dabi mentally kicked himself, making such a pretty face sulk and look dour, he couldn't just stand there and allow her to beat herself up over how others treat her. Dabi took a step forward to her and found himself raising his hand to her chin and made her look right up at him, her chin betwixt the pads of his forefinger and thumb. “Come on now… don't be so down on yourself, they might see you as only an asset and a tool to use and expand upon themselves, as nothing more then a battery that never quits, but with us, you can reach a version of yourself you have never seen before.. And we can help you with that. We will make sure you surpass your expectations'' She caught herself staring. 

Eyes glazed over in tears that threatened to fall, and with a blink they were gone. “Excuse my ignorance but… you're serious like you can do that?” She asked with trepidation and abit of excitement that she had to cage off to not seem too eager. 

“It's not a promise, Nakamura. Its a fact that is going to be a reality. Now..” He turned on his heel and gave them some distance in the lobby, he was almost shrouded in darkness. “Give me a demonstration on what you can do.” He instructs. 

Chiaki blinks and becomes blanched. A demonstration. In here? She clasps her hands together and pulls them apart that green glow emanating from her hands to her elbows, pretty gold and green eyes enveloped in pure green with irises, her hands splayed out fingers slowly dancing and expanding outward, like licks of fire.

 “Brace yourself.” She curled in her fingers to drain the energy from surrounding lights and power, making the environment for everyone else but her heavy and sluggish. Dabi had a bead of sweat roll down his face and a headache grow slowly. “And just as it was pulled away I can give it back on my own terms.” She points a manicured finger at Dabi. The headache vanishes without a trace and his energy restored , almost knocking him on his ass from the dizzying feeling of having the wind knocked into you.

 The lights and the power entirely shut down for a full block and the bulbs bust outside. She holds a ball of concentrated energy in her palm and absorbs it into her skin, a content smile spreading across her delicate features and bowing forward and standing back up straight.

 “Oh yeah, they're going to thank me for insisting you be our new recruit... Warn me before you use your quirk on me again, will you?” She snorts and cocks a brow up at him. “So.. do it again later and knock you on your ass?” Chiaki giggled, Dabi quizzically tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, as if he's breaking down her words in his head, he flipped his black hair from his face as chuckles amused.

 “I knew I liked you for a reason, sarcastic little thing. ” she blushes and covers her mouth embarrassed. “I think it would be smart if we left.. I don't know if my friends are out looking for me or not..and honestly i would rather not face them head on yet.. And i don't want you to be hurt.” Chiaki looks back at him and blushes not realizing how worried she was for his safety, "What already thinking of me? Don't get so soft on me now, Nakamura.." Dabi chuckles and his hands return to his pockets and with a half turn he nods his head in the opposite direction of her, signalling her to follow him towards the exit of the building, he stops before the door. 

"Wait..you mean those UA kids..? trust me, Nakamura.. they arent your friends.. i don't need to know what you went through today after our little scene, you know as well as i that they're already plotting against you from what you did.." his words rang true along with his velveteen voice, the tall and slender Villain seemed to know more than he let on.

Chiaki became quiet and more confident with her decision. She made this choice, and she really didn't regret a damn thing. "And that very thing you have done today, Chiaki.." he slammed his hand into the wall, anchored his hand beside her head, making her damn near jump out of her skin. Lightning cracked outside illuminating the scars that adorned his features.

  The trench coat splaying open and just a bit of his shirt collar dipping down to reveal the purple scar stretches to his chest, gold tint staples fixed secure into what skin he had left to him that remained unscarred.

 Her eyes wandered from his chest back to his brilliant blue eyes. "Made me realize that you were worth contacting. Trust me, Nakamura.. we will bring out the best in you, UA would have easily tainted your view on the world and how ‘justice’ is delivered; but it seems like you know the world for what it really is." he gave her cheek a pat and a pinch, his gaze remained on her and a sickly grin twisted on his features when he notices her eyes wandering to the purple skin and his pronounced collar dipping further down his chest.. His hand engulfed her chin, capturing it and making her look him in the eyes. 

"Yknow, staring at people in the League will getcha in trouble or hurt, Not me though.. just don't get too used to it, anyone who stares  that long at me i consider mice…but honestly i don't see you scurrying off anytime soon." He backs off when she blushes brighter and gives him a shove. 

"Ah quit! Its kinda hard to not stare if you haven't noticed, Dabi." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting someone facing the heavy door, when he received a reply he put it back into his pocket, and sighed opening the heavy metal door with a creak, rain poured down into the street as he spoke up so she could hear him. "its what we ugly folk are used to i'm afraid." Chiaki merely scoffs and pulls back up the hood and opened her palm flat and above his and her head together she created a translucent green umbrella like barrier protecting them from the downpour,  "Ugly is abit of a stretch, Dabi..." she mutters and follows him into the alley where the rain continued ro shower down bouncing off the barrier, a singular street lamp illuminating the barren street leaving the only city she had ever known, Dabi replayed that phrase in his head and he momentarily closed his eyes.

 Its been years since he got compliments.. it was strange but not unwelcome. "Ohhhh little mouse, your gonna get along very well with me.. stick by my side and everyone will like you… eventually.. Your about to meet one of them anyway." As he said this casually as the street became a black and purple haze, a portal opened up and swirled as a literal exit from the city.. to wherever the hell she was going next. 

Chiaki gasped and took an apprehensive step forward.

 "Scared?" Dabi asked, with a little smirk on his lips. "Just a bit…" Dabi extended his hand for her, inviting her with him "Cmon. Trust me. Trust a burnt man with nothing to lose." He chides playfully. Chiaki accepts his invitation, his hand warm and textured with the staples.. Dabis heart skipped a beat at the contact.

 Soft and small hands engulfed by his own as he guided her through the portal, stunning blue eyes never deviating from her gold and green ones.. like they were captivated by one another.. before she knew it, she was in a completely different location. She blinked and looked around, thunderstruck almost by the environment.

A bar that reeked of booze and smoke of different varieties. "Welcome home, for now." He says in a flat tone, she pulled off her hood and looked around.

 Dabi still had his back to her and looked at his palm for a moment that felt like an eternity, the ghost of her hand remaining in his own, strange emotions bubbled up from nowhere, he shoved them back down and spoke up. 

"Everyone seems to be out by now, usually the bar is never empty. The person who summoned that portal is here...Kurogiri, which means our leader Shigaraki is here. He’ll meet you at some point..when he's not on his damn video games." he nudged her shoulder with his elbow and shook his wet hair out. Turning to look down at her, "Nice place...you guys bounce from place to place often?" She asks in what felt like a shy whisper, the resounding echo from the hall made her feel like she was shouting. 

"Haven't in a while.. hoping we won't have too again. Wont say where because it doesn't matter. Anyway, wanna come up to my room? There's an old couch up there you can crash on. Unless you want my bed, heh.. Wouldn't mind you in bed with me.” He breathily chuckles and pinches her chin starting to lead the way, “Don't get any ideas! I'm just tired.. I haven't had any sleep and its like.. Almost 2:30 in the morning.” She yawned and dragged her feet behind him.

Chiaki follows him up the stairs and down the long corridor to the last door on the left, he opened it to find a bedroom with a king sized mattress pushed to the wall and the windows covered in blackout curtains, an old couch directly under it and  a flat screen across the room as well as his own computer and cans of empty energy drinks by it, as well as an ashtray that looked like it was used normally. 

“This room is mine, go ‘head.” He invites her in, noting the tired look on her face, he found it almost innocent if it weren't for the remnants of blush still ghosted on the apples of her cheeks.

Dabi had booted the door closed behind him as she kicked off her boots, he spoke up again, watching her movements, as they seemed to have gotten lazier. “Not much of an interior decorator but it works for me, sprucing the room up would be too much effort.” 

Making himself comfortable he sheds the trench coat and shuffles through a cabinet in the desk where his computer is located,”I'm getting pretty tired and by the looks of it you are too, so im afraid im gonna have to restrain you. Cmere.” He says, pulling out a pair of handcuffs that catches Chiaki’s attention, her brow instantly rising in confusion and a hint of worry. Dabis eyes flicker up to her when she whips around at the chain jingling as he approaches her, twirling the cuffs around his finger 

 “W-wait why do you need to restrain me?” She asks a little wary, “Its so you dont pull anything while I'm sleeping… can't be too careful, little mouse.” He states clasping the cuffs around her wrists in the front, they clicked almost to the point where he could get two fingers under them. Chiaki looked at him with big innocent eyes and then down to the cuffs on her wrists. “Tsk..you do this to all the new recruits or am i just that special.” He chuckles and turns his back to her. “You’re a first, to both be cuffed and able to sleep in my bed. Consider yourself ‘special’”

She looks back up to find Dabi stripping his white shirt off and tossing it to the couch, a blush forming on her face and a pang in her heart as she looks at him closely, hes much better looking up close… fit and lean, along with the added look of his scars that dressed his torso into his pants only made him 2 times more appealing and more her type. “Holy shit..” She says out loud with her jaw slacked abit. “Checking me out, little mouse? Remember what I said about staring.” He chuckled and laid back in bed exhausted, pulling the sheets up her body comfortably. “Sorry was just admiring the view, Dabi.” She teased rolling her eyes and settling into bed, Dabi’s eyes widened briefly and felt that sweet warm feeling creeping up his chest again, this time he let it simmer there.

“im going to sleep.. Too tired to think, that energy drink i had acouple hours ago finally wore off." Chiaki yawned and stretched, facing away from him to ease the situation, that situation being she wanted to face him and find comfort from him. 

A sort of comfort she longed for for years, acceptance and safety.. Funny she found safety with a villain.. With villains alike. This caused her to giggle to herself, he raises a brow and looked over to her with his arms tucked behind his head 

Instead as Dabi turned off the light and the distant thunder rolled she spoke up “Dabi..” “Hm?” She turned back over and some light from the opened part of the black out curtains illuminated her eyes, Dabi once again caught himself peering into them wistfully finding himself looking her over. 

 A genuine glow in her eye, appreciation and a connection the two have never felt before, “Thank you, for bringing me in.. you wont regret it,” She brings her bound hands up to pull the pillow further up under her head, and licked her lips, swallowing her fear and letting a wall down, even just alittle bit to him. Dabi mused and observed her closely, finally seeing the opposite end of what its like to have someone in need go to him of all people. “i haven't felt anything beyond disappointment for a long long time, so to say i feel comfortable with someone i was fighting not even a day ago says anything, i hope you understand and i'm not stepping over any boundaries.” He grinned, and responded with an amused chuckle. “Getting soft on me again, better not make that a habit with anyone else here, I just might get jealous.” Dabi grazed his finger against her cheek, she leaned against his hand and smiled angelically.

“I'm starting to like that fire in your eye. ” He ghosts his knuckles down her cheek as her eyes closed slowly, blinking exausted as the cold air kicked on from the ac unit above them, she shivered and threw all caution to the wind, Dabi stiffened as she moved closer to his end of the bed, she ducked her head abit beneath the blanket to snuggle against his warm chest, his heart hammered with nerves he still couldnt place a name too, the same hand that stroked her cheek rested on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing slow circles into the sweatshirts fabric. 

Comforting and confusing thoughts swirled through the villains mind as he soon came to realize he remained awake for all but another 20 minutes, the soft rise and fall of her chest and side indicated she had long fallen asleep in his arms. 

Dabi rested his chin against her head and attempted to find the sleep he had long since forgotten in his past life. Acceptance and comfort from someone. 

He sighed and whispered in a husky tone of voice.

“Glad we had that talk, Little Mouse…”

XXX~

Hey yall its my first MHA fic. You might see more of her and Dabi in the future cuz honestly this was fun!

[yourmuseco]

tall girl spoilers.

i watched tall girl and i am posting all my live tweets that i made while watching the movie below so yall can understand my fucking UPSET OVER THIS MOVIE:

her older sister is fuckin hot and its sabrina carson so like ya i get the issue man. her sisters HOT

“lets face it, youre the tall girl. youll never be the pretty girl" BITCH SHES GORGEOUS IM TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT 

SHE LITERALLY SAID THAT SHE HAS BIG HANDS AND HE WAS LIKE LEMME SEE..... YA YOU GOT BIG FUCKIN HANDS NOW PLAY PIANO FOR ME 

“listen up beanstalk” is my new favorite phrase

THEYRE SINGING GUYS AND DOLLS WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK 

heS OFF KEY BUT SHES WATCHING HIM LIKE HES AMAZING... OH GOD THEYRE SO OBVIOUSLY NOT SINGING IN THE SCENE JUST MOUTHING THE WORDS. THIS IS SO BAD 

her dad is trying to get her to join a tall persons club im fuckin dead

THE TALL PEOPLES CLUB IS CALL TIP TOPPERS 

THEYRE SINGING A GODDAMN PARODY OF O BEAUTIFUL ABOUT TALL PEOPLE I CANT

he invited her to watch a musical what the ever living fuck

if they wind up making him gay ill be living honestly

her best friend is so tiny and cute but so in love with her and honestly WHAT A MOOODDDDD ! HES EATING CHIPS IN FRONT OF THE MUSICAL THEYRE WATCHING IF THAT AINT MEEEEEEE

shes so tall that they couldnt sit across from each other because their knees bumped and they made this big ol deal about it AS IF THATS NOT JUST A NORMAL PROBLEM? LIKE IM AVERAGE HEIGHT AND THAT HAPPENS

ugh apparently hes not gay. rip.

the angles of this movie are hilarious. They literally angle the camera on the up angle so she looks even taller

HER SISTER TOLD HER TO SLAP HER IF SHE EATS CARBS AND SHE FUCKING DID IT. HER SISTER WAS EATING CARBS AND SHE SLAPPED HER. need me a freak like that

the boy in love with the tall girl whos known her all her life literally just told the exchange kid that hes cool here and needs to stay cool so dont go after her. this is why i dont trust straight men. fuck them

they just had the one girl whos the rival speak in spanish to make a threatening statement and im pressed

this new boy likes her now and her best friend is like girl get over that noo and she was like IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO BELIEVE SOMEONE LIKES ME ?!?!?!??! like jesus

“do you really need validation that badly?” YES! THATS WHAT THIS WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE IS ABOUT

they went to a very elaborate escape room thats in a whole ass house. im jealous

the only good part of this movie so far has been this escape room montage and thats because theres no dialogue

exchange student is watching tall girl while he makes out with the other girl! I HATE THE STRAIGHTS

OH FUCK THEYRE ALL MAKING OUT IN THIS ESCAPE ROOM. AND LIKE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!

lol tall girl freaked out because she didnt want to be stared at making out with other peeps and im dead because SHE TRIED TO LEAVE BUT ITS AN ESCAPE ROOM

“if you want to go... go!” SHES TRYING ITS AN ESCAPE ROOM

exchange kid literally just told her hes breaking up with his gf and they should go on a date after. WHAT THE FUCK

lol he didnt show up. wow why am i not shocked

honestly this movie would have been solved so fast if she was gay. the heterosexual agenda is wild. 

HE WAS HELPING WITH THE PARTY. 

“you like being the popular guy more than you like me” bitch youve been trying to fit in this whole time dont give him a hard time now

the best friend boy just said hes in love with somebody else and its tall girl and HONESTLY HES BLOWING OFF PARIS BERELC VELMA LOOKING ASS IM SO TIRED

her dad out here ostracizing her the whole movie then gets mad when shes sad because boiii stood her up like YOU FUCKIN MOCKED HER TOO AND YOURE HER DAD

her dad is playing the piano. bitch if that aint a mood., play that piano on at a sad moment. (i do that too but its usually me playing lost boy because thats all i can play from memory)

THE PIANO GOT HER TO COME DOWNSTAIRS? REALLY? also why does she look like a young republican? donald trump is quaking. 

this song is not impressive. it was like 4 notes.... im so ???????????

oh fuck is it her birthday? THE BOY SHES KNOWN ALL HER LIFE SNUCK INTO HER ROOM WITH A PRESENT. 

oh thank god. he was petting her to wake her up and she fucking back handed him. so proud of her. 

“i havent been the best friend lately...” you havent tried to be her friend at all. youve asked her out literally every day since you were in middle school

thE EDITING ON THE GODDAMN PHONE VIDEO! WHY CANT THEY EVER JUST ACTUALLY VIDEO TAPE THAT STUFF ON AN ACTUAL PHONE ? IM TIRED OF THIS CRAPPY EDITING

she literally sees one video of best friend boy defending her and shes like fine im gonna be confident now? bitch. where can i get me some of that confident tea?

the teacher just smelled the punch as if he’d be able to smell vodka in it????? like you cant smell that sort of alcohol in the punch if a kid spiked it? dumbass.

THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT FOREIGN EXCHANGE KID WAS NAMED STEVE BUT HIS NAME IS STIG (steeg) WHAT

shes in her heels. congrats girl. be the beanstalk.

“and i play piano and im actually really really good at it” BITCH WHERE? YOU PLAYED ONE SONG AND IT WAS MEH

wow she wound up with her short ass best friend. who would have guessed? this movie is trash.

[eveningsinlondontearsmeapart]

My Savior

Type: One Shot | Imagine about Shawn M. Rating: Rated PG-13 (Violent Warning) Word Count: 2,713 Enjoy!

I could feel the cold of the road against my skin. My breathing was shaky, it was like I couldnt catch my breath. I closed my eyes for a split second, trying to figure out what was wrong. I looked up as the snow started to fall, I saw the man standing there. The knife in his hand was dripping blood, my blood to be exact. Once again I closed my eyes as I knew it would be easier if he attacked me again. I heard footsteps come near me, I tried my hardest not to move. If he thought I was died he couldnt do anymore to me. He used his foot to turn me over, I kept my eyes closed and I stopped breathing. I heard his footsteps walking away as I could hear the car in the distance. I pulled myself off the road, it was pitch black so the odds were against me. I could feel the blood running down my legs as I started to walk. I finally made it to where there were street lights, I was hoping someone would see me. At this point I was wondering if dying would be easier. I was getting weaker with each step but I knew I needed to keep going. I stopped to take a breather, leaning against a pole. I could hear a car coming to a stop and a door opening up.

"Are you ok?" he asked as he rushed over to me.

"Uh?" I was so out of it.

"Come on"  he wrapped his arm around me leading me to his car.

My knees got weak and I couldn't walk anymore. He picked me up placing me into his car, returning to the driver seat. I felt the warmth of the heat around me as I laid back against the seat. I slowly started to drift off and I guess I blacked out. I didn't remember getting to the hospital I just remember waking up there.

"Where am I" I looked around the room.

"You are in the hospital" the nurse said.

"Am I ok?" I asked.

"Yeah​, just need time to recover" she said.

"Thank you" I whispered.

"Don't thank me, you should thank the man who bought you in" she smiled slightly.

"Do you know where he is?" I looked at her.

"He said he would return later" she nodded slightly.  

"Ok" I laid my head back against the pillow.

I drifted off to sleep, I guess hours passed. I could hear his voice as he enter the room, I started to move slightly in the bed. I opened my eyes and saw him standing there. He was my savoir but I could admit he was the man of my dreams. Tall and dreamy, gentle but manly I could stare at him all day. I bite my lip as he looked over at me. I could see the smile grow on his face as he realized that I was ok.

"You are ok" he smiled as he sat down next to the bed.

"Thanks to you" I looked at him.

"I couldn't let someone die on the side of the street" he chuckled slightly.

"I guess not" I smiled slightly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"As good as I can, I guess" I laid my head back.

"That's good, im glad that you are feeling better" he spoke softly.

"Thank you….Wait what is your name?" I asked.

"Sorry, my name is Shawn" he placed his hand against mine.

"Nice to meet you Shawn, Im Y/N" I responded.

"Beautiful name, better question is what happen?" he asked.

"Question to be answered at a later date" I looked at him.

I found myself staring into his eyes, losing track of what was going on. I finally looked away closing my eyes as I felt a sharp pain. I took a deep breath in, I knew I needed to get out of the hospital. He wrote down his number on a piece of paper, laying it on the night stand. He soon left since visiting hours was over. I waited for the nurse to leave the room before removing the iv. I pulled myself out of the bed slipping on my blood stained jeans. I tied the gown so it was kind of a shirt since my shirt had to be ripped from my body. I slipped my shoes on grabbing my phone and the piece of paper before making my exit.   I got into the elevator waiting for the door to close, That's when I got spotted.

"HEY" the nurse called out.

I kept hitting the button and thank god it closed before she got to it. I leaned against the wall as I calmed myself down, no one could take care of me the way I could. I finally got off the elevator and made my way out of the hospital. The sky was pitch black, but a streak of lightening lit up the sky. The road of thunder made me jump as I wasn't expecting it. The rain started to come down as the wind started to blow, it was a mixture of beauty but also danger. It was my type of scene, I started to walk down the street.

"Where are you going?" I heard someone asked.

"Home" I keep walking.

"You will catch a cold, get in please?" he said.

I turned around and I saw Shawn standing there. We were both getting soaking wet with the rain picking up. I looked up into his eyes, nothing else seemed to matter. Some how he took my mind off everything as well as the pain. I started to believe in love at first sight, but could he be my prince charming who came to rescue me? He moved closer to me putting his jacket over my head. He leads me back to his car, allowing me to get into it before getting in himself. The road was pitched black, all I could see was what the headlights hit. I leaned back in the seat as we went down the street. The rain started to pick up as the thunder rolled in. Streaks of lighten flashed brighting up the whole sky. All the lights were out in the city, he finally pulled up to a building. He disapeared into the night sky as he got out of the car. He opened the door, I jumped because I wasnt expecting it.

"Come on" he grabbed my hand helping me out of the car.

"Thank you" I said as I stayed close to him.

He opened the door allowing me to enter first. I heard the door close behind him, his hand still holding mine. I felt my way to the couch as he let me go, moving to the kitchen. He came back with a candle lit so we could actually see each other.

"I dont know how long the power will be out" he sat down next to me.

"I have no clue" I looked at him.

"You are safe here" he nodded slightly.

"Thank you for everything" I said.

"Its ok" he smiled slightly.

"Ill get out of your hair in the morning" I looked away quickly.

"I dont mind helping you" he titled my chin back towards him. "You are beautiful and deserve the world" he looked at me.

"I…" I got lost in his eyes once again.

He kept his hand on my chin, brushing his thumb against my chin. I leaned my forehead against his as our eyes were locked to each other. I took a deep breath in pulling away from him. I leaned back against the couch, just taking everything in. I couldn't believe that I was so close to death until he came and saved me. I didn't understand why he saved me or what the catch was. For some reason I felt safe with him, as if he would never hurt me. I closed my eyes as I started to drift off. The next thing I knew was the sun started to peek in the window. I shuffled in the sheets, but soon realized this wasn't where I fell asleep. I sat up on the bed looking around confused, I had no idea how I got into his bed. I eased myself out of the bed making my way downstairs. I found him in the kitchen cooking, I must admit it smelt good. I leaned against the door frame as I watched him cook.

"Is that for me?" I asked.

"Why yes, it is, " he chuckled slightly. "How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Fine, just don't know how I got into your bed" I admitted.

"I carried you upstairs, " he nodded slightly.

"Oh ok" I smiled slightly as I took a seat at the table.

He put the plate in front of me before moving back to the stove. He grabbed two bottles of waters as well as his plate before sitting down. We started to talk while we ate, it was like I knew him forever. I've never met someone that made me feel so comfortable, and was easy to talk to. I finished eating so I got up putting my plate in the sink. He moved behind me reaching to the sink, his arm around me. I took a deep breath as I felt his body close to mine.

"You are going to wash dishes?" he slides his hands down my arms.

"Maybe, " I bite my lip slightly.

He guide my hands over the dishes, I slightly tighten the grip. I leaned back against him as he rested his head against my shoulder. I smiled to myself as we washed the dishes. He soon to pull away as we finished with the dishes, I returned back to my seat. He sat down across from me, for a second it was quiet.

"Can I ask you something?" he broke the silence.

"Sure" I nodded slightly.

"Why would someone want to hurt you?" he asked.

"It's complicated" I looked down, not really wanting to answer the question.

"We don't have to talk about it, " he got up kneeling in front of me. He placed his hand against my chin titling it up slightly. "You are safe, " he whispered.

"Thank you, " I looked into his eyes.

"I believe in destiny, it was faith that we meet, " he smiled slightly.

"Yeah Shawn" I smiled.

He brushed his thumb against my chin as we locked eyes again. I soon closed my eyes as I felt a sharp pain, I gripped my leg. He helped me upstairs, taking my pants off so we could clean the staplers. Over the next few weeks I stayed with Shawn, not because I didn't have a place but because it was fun. I finally got my staplers out and got the clear to do whatever I wanted to do. Shawn was such an amazing person, I didn't know how I got so lucky but I was glad I did.

"Hey" he smiled as he came into the room.

"Hey, " I looked at him as he sat down behind me, wrapping his arms around me.

"What are you doing?" he questioned.

"Just checking a few things" I leaned back against him.

"So you want to go ice skating tonight?" he kissed my cheek.

"Sure" I laughed slightly.

"Do you know how?" he asked.

"No, " I played with his hand.

"I'll show you, " he whispered into my ear.

"Sounds good, " I said.

"So it's a date, " he said as he stood up from the bed.

"A date?" I smiled.

"Yeah a date, " he leaned over to kiss me softly.

I left his apartment making my way back to mine. I took a quick shower before putting on a pair of jeans. I tried to dress as warm as I possibly could since I knew it was going to be outside. Plus, it was ice skating so it was going to be cold. I laced up my snow boots as I heard a knock on the door. I ran downstairs opening the door so Shawn could come in. He walked in sitting on the couch as I went back stairs. I finally finished getting ready and we were on our way downtown. The nerves started to kick in as we pulled up to the place. I took a deep breath in as he got out of the car. Opening my car door holding out his hand for mine. I grabbed his hand and got out of the car, I followed him to the ice rink. He got out skates as I sat down on the bench, of course he helped me get my skates on. He sat down next to me putting his skates on, I smiled as I watched him. I stood up with his help, we both walked towards the ice. He got onto the ice first, guiding me onto it. He placed his hands on my hips as he started to skate backwards.

"Don't let me fall" I held onto his shoulders.

"I got you" he smiled.

"Good" I smiled as I started to move with him.

He kept his promise and never let me fall. We finally got off the ice and I sat on the bench as he took our skates back. He came back to me grabbing my hand as we started to walk back to the car. He opened the door for me, making sure it was closed as soon as I got into the car. He made his way to the drive side and we were off again. I played with his hand as he drove, with each red light he would lean over kissing my cheek. I couldn't help but smile, I turned on the radio as we both started to sing at the top of our lungs. He pulled into a restaurant parking lot turning the car off. I undid my seatbelt but he grabbed my hand pulling me closer. Placing his hand on my chin, his lips pressed against mine. I smiled against his lips before kissing him back. I placed my hand on his chest as I kept the kiss between us. I soon pulled away resting my forehead against his, I could see the smile grow on his lips. He moved away from me as he got out of the car. This time I beat him to it and got out before he could open the door. I grabbed his hand intertwining our fingers together as we walked into the restaurant.

"What are you getting?" I asked as I looked over the menu.

"Probably pizza" he chuckled slightly.

"Can we share?" I asked.

"Of course, if you bring your ass over here" He said.

"Oh, I didn't know you wanted me to sit next to me" I got up moving to sit next to him. He placed his arm around my shoulder, holding me close to him,

"I always want you close to me, I have a question, " he looked at me.

"Go for it" I nodded as I played with his hand.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked.

"You want a relationship?" I looked at him.

"Yes, I do, with you, " he kissed my forehead.

"I would love that" I leaned up, kissed him softly.

We finally ordered our food and drinks. I stayed close to him as we started to talk, but once the food arrived it got quiet. I would look at him from time to time, realizing how lucky I was. It was official I got to call him mine and boy was I happy about that. We finished eating, he got up to pay the bill. I took a few more sips from my drink as I waited. I saw someone walk through the door, I froze once I realized who it was.

"You're still alive" the guy said.

"Ready babe?" Shawn said as he grabbed my hand.

"I'll fix that" the guy said as he pulled out a gun, pointing it directly towards me. I swallowed hard as I closed my eyes, I knew things had finally come to an end.

[some-good-meme]

Get To Know Me

Tagged by @elliox , thanks man this looks fun haha

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag however many people you want

(I would put it in the read more but idk how sorry)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: a coke i think 2. Phone call: rescheduling a doctor appointment ha 3. Text message: @elliox talking about buying shorts 4. Song you listened to: stuck in the sound, lets go probly 5. Time you cried: when i found my kitty dead.. well i guess i might have teared up a bit when a close friend left for the summer too,,,

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: haha man i cant even get someone once 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: guess not 9. Lost someone special: hasn’t everyone at some point 10. Been depressed: oohhhhh yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ooohhh buddy yes

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: silver, black, that cool green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah! and i love em! 16. Fallen out of love: dont think so 17. Laughed until you cried: haha yea good times 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean yea but i don’t care, keep it comin 19. Met someone who changed you: honestly that happens everytime i get close to someone and i hate it but yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yeeeah sure did 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i guess that could count

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think almost all??? maybe a couple no 23. Do you have any pets: 1 dog, 6 chickens, and i guess 2 kinda 3 cats now 24. Do you want to change your name: i mean i love my name,, but ive loved the name Alex ever since i could remember so idk 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: A hotel, and a heartwarming chat with a friend in the bathtub till like 4 am haha 26. What time did you wake up: i slept in till like 12 today it was good 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: drawin p 28. Name something you can’t wait for: a new start tbh, like the place i was at was good but i cant wait to be completely independent and to move on from some things

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: about a week ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i think ive grown from all the bad stuff so idk, but if i had to choose one id say all the times ive just gone with the flow and it blows up in my face 31. What are you listening to right now: nothing rn cause ive been listening to the same stuff all day haha  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: mmm dont think so 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me not being able to tell people how i actually feel !!! 34. Most visited Website: youtube probably cause music hah

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: yeahh, theres moles here 36. Mark/s: couple scars i got for really dumb reasons like burning myself while making cookies or falling off a treadmill hahah 37. Childhood dream: always wanted to be a mermaid , still love mermaids hah 38. Haircolor: brown rn, a little bit of bleached ends 39. Long or short hair: he short  40. Do you have a crush on someone: yea i guess a little one

41. What do you like about yourself: mmmm being able to make friends  42. Piercings: 5 on my ears and one nose ring 43. Bloodtype: ha i really should know this buuut

44. Nickname: smelly haha, oh and asshole alice i think is one 45. Relationship status: there was potential but she lives in Washington (im in Minnesota) 46. Zodiac: aquarius  47. Pronouns: really any i dont care, but i mostly use she/they 48. Favorite TV Show: x files is always good

49. Tattoos: im thinking of getting the solar system around my arm

50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: dose a root canal count ? 52. Hair dyed a different color: used to be orange 53. Sport: used to be in gymnastics 55. Vacation: love Mexico 56. Pair of trainers: uhhhhh nope

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing rn 58. Drinking: kinda want some water 59. I’m about to: go downstairs to get some water probly 61. Waiting for: idk to get tired so i can finally sleep i guess 62. Want: $$$! and cats! oh and friends(just in general)!!! 63. Get married: eh,,, if it happens its cool if it doesn’t oh well 64. Career: gonna try to be an animator, if that fails i guess ill run away and live in an abandoned water tower or something

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: probly hugs 66. Lips or eyes: i guess eyes,,, but when those lips are good thats 👌👌👌 67. Shorter or taller: no preference i guess 68. Older or younger: also no preference  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: abs are niceeee 71. Sensitive or loud: some of both ? 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship probably 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker cause i think im the hesitant one at times

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: many times with the contacts, good thing theyr the daily ones 77. Turned someone down: a real long time ago but

78. Sex on the first date: not into that sorry 79. Broken someone’s heart: sure hope not 80. Had your heart broken: yeah, but its all good now 81. Been arrested: no but i keep having dreams of it and when i wake up i get it confused with reality haha 82. Cried when someone died: of corse 83. Fallen for a friend: ehh i dont think i knew what it was at the time but kindof ??? real lowkey tho real lowkey

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: not too much lately haha 85. Miracles: i guess 86. Love at first sight: didnt for the longest time but then it happend to me soo 87. Santa Claus: haha no sorry 88. Kiss on the first date: that just seems kinda weird idk

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ive got a lot of friends and i dont like ranking them but some are @elliox, @nart-snart, @deez-lockz, @alieyawn, @echeveriia, @the-fourth-musketeer, @lcxiegrey, and @hackin-cactus 91. Eyecolor: hazel 92. Favorite movie: too hard to choose,, i usually just choose a miyazaki movie off the top of my head when i get asked this

I tag: hah well so many have already been tagged,,, but everyone i atted will be tagged i guess @

(if u dont wanna do it thats fine too!)

[weeb-overlord]

well i guess i better update instead of just vague posting about my life LOL

i have a lot to do next week. I take my OGET, have a piano recital, choral auditions, test monitoring, two huge assignments, a final presentation, and all of my normal classes... i really dont know how im going to do it and ive been disassociating all day because i cant stop thinking about what needs to be done instead of focusing on the present. i need to study, i need to prepare that audition, i need to get those assignments done early, i need to come up with a concept for my Lit final, i need to prepare myself to wake up much earlier than usual next week while still maintaining all classes and work for those classes, i need to finish a commission. i cant stop thinking about my responsibilities and how i dont want to control anything at all.

my dog ate a chocolate chip cookie or at least maybe he did but now i cant stop thinking about him hurting because what if he has chocolate poisoning and i dont help him in time? i could just wake up tomorrow and he could be gone. i hate that. i hate it because im responsible for him and its my job to protect him.

i cleaned everything the other day. laundry, desk, dog bath, alll my sheets and linens and blankets... everything. i bought an air freshener too just because and now it smells amazing in my room and i at least have that to come home too.

im slowly starting to realize that im not going to get my contest piece done by Akon. thats ok. it really is. Tokyo in Tulsa is always my debut con. Ill debut 2B, Princess Fuse, and Kanna at Akon instead and get wasted on my honorary birthday and probably call everyone that comes to mind unless my friend takes my phone from me. itll be a party. no need to compete.

i do not like being dependant on people. i do not like attaching my dependency to people. i dont like valuing someone because they provide for me what others cant. i dont like it because it makes them special in my life, and it makes it more difficult for me to get over the loss and to repair the hole in me when they leave. i would rather them just sit on top of my heart rather than insert themselves into it. but here i am doing it anyway. im fighting love and acceptence for no good reason other than i believe i dont deserve it. i am scared and disgusted by it. but i am not disgusted by their love. which makes it even more terrifying to comprehend. i dont want to talk about it too much here and im being fuckin vague but sometimes i just really need to write and release something into the world...i really do.

i feel bad lately about interacting with anyone. mainly because i truly see myself as a grenade ready to blow as soon as the right pin is pulled. i dont think people understand how much of a chance there is that i could be gone without a second thought. im kind of glad they dont but i also wish everyone would understand. i dont see death as bad and never really have, i relish in the fact that i have control over my own death for the most part. it still sucks trying to retain long term relationships and friendships when you think you’re going to die within the next few years though. there are plenty of people around me trying to help me with this mindset, but even then i feel like their efforts should be put somewhere else where they willl actually thrive. people can put energy into me all day long, but i am a bad investment. there are plenty of others who need help much more than i do because i can’t seem to accept help properly.

i dont want to sing in my friends’ recital. at all. i  had a practice with the group the other day and felt so bad because i had learned my part by playing it on the piano and they had learned theirs by singing with the recording. so of course they were much stronger with their parts than mine. i looked like a complete idiot. they’re all ed majors too and so am I. so of course i was comparing myself to them.

im trying to think of something happy to write. i miss bts. i miss them a lot. they were amazing and i think about the concert everyday. next time we go see them we are definitely getting P1 tickets, end of story.

i want to play Horizon sooooo bad and now that i have a ps4 i can!!!!!!! also The Last Of Us 2!!!!

im getting fabric for 2B and a few little things for Kanna this weekend. it’s Easter but considering the fact that i dont believe the holy spirit moved a big rock, folded a napkin, and talked to the citizens about the rapture, i think i’ll survive without the festivities. i do like the day off though.

i cant tell if i’ve gained weight or lost it but either way i dont think my mentality will improve. i would like to lose a few inches but i dont really think it’s a priority right now. i’ve been eating like stupidly unhealthy food lately and im not gonna fuckin stop until all of my shit next week is done.

leatherfest is next weekend. im nervous about all the people, nervous about doing something wrong or being in the way, nervous about vulnerability. again i dont want to talk about it too much here but idk it’s part of the update, part of my life and who i am.

i think that’s it?? goodbye

[strawberryspeachy]

So far on the boys ive talked to in japan - aside that teacher

1) around september i decided to look at whose on tinder. One boy i matched with talked to me and didn’t stop responding upon finding out i was not japanese. He helped me with a couple japanese phrases - telling me what sounded most natural. Asked me if i lived alone. Said he wanted to meet me.... asked if i was free that week. I said yes. I gave him a couple days that i was off. He never responded again - that was about 5-6~ days into talking

2) october i went to a club... after a disappointing night i talked to the cute ... not bar person but like he was on the floor. I thought he’d walk away but he got all happy and kept moving close to me to talk. It being too loud combined with my poor japanese and his no english meant we used google translate to talk mostly. Added each other on instagram and he said he’d like to hang out sometime. I asked about a few days and he pulled out his calendar and both were days he worked- he had two jobs. He said we’ll figure out a time later. We had some conversations on instagram. Then after a couple weeks his stories always showed him with friends. I asked him a couple times when he was free and he said he was working all the time. After another weekish of that i said it seemed that he had time to see his friends but not me. And he basically just said yep

3) december i got back on tinder. But for real. Not just a qick swipe through. Talked to the next guy with a bunch of other dudes. Was just talking. Trying to improve my english. Hoping someone would ask me to go eat with them since that is what id written on my profile. This boy asked me to hang out. We’d talked more and more over the two weeks and he said he really wanted to see me. But he couldnt cause he was working too much. Then he told me when he has a break. I had the flu at the same time and told him id tell him when i was better and he got sweeter and sweeter toward me. Then we talked on the phone and it was awkward and difficult cause my japanese not being great is even worse when i cant gesture. But it went well. Then. Suddenly. Over text the tinder boy - lets have sex! - bs came up. I said i didnt want to the first time we meet and i wanna just talk. He asked a couple more times about it and then agreed. The day before we talked on the phone again - he suddenly said he had to take another call and hung up and then didnt say anything else the rest of the night. I freaked out a bit that night thinking hed stopped talking to me. But the next morning he messaged me like nothing happened. Didnt even want to acknowledge my freak out aside from telling me not to think so much.

We met up. He took me to a shrine. We got fortunes and ties them to a tree... then he took me to his apartment... fast... he said he wanted to watch movies together.... bought... chocolate. I mean great but i wanted real food i was hungry. Then. He kept trying to have sex with me. So many times just pushed and pushed. Would not take no for an answer. Finally when... he was trying to take off more of my clothes and i wouldnt let him and said no again. He asked if i had my period. And only stopped after i said i did. Kept trying to pursuade me to give him a blowjob.

Before that... he asked me to be his girlfriend. Said he was moving soon and asked me to move in with him. Told me hed be workig two jobs for the rest of january so we couldnt meet again till February...

Anyhow after i kept saying no to a blow job and other stuff happened i asked him if we could go get food. He said he didnt have money and cooked bad ramen on the stove and french fries... he drank a bunch of alcoholic. We watched some music videos and he went to sleep.

When he kinda seemed to wake up i tried to make a point of me leaving. He just acted kinda annoyed that he had to even still deal with me being there at that point and ignored me while trying to sleep... he ghosted me right in front of me

He replied to my text the next day with some nonsense and about a week later he told me about his apartment plans. He sent one last text about it before... never responding again

I let it be for the next four weeks... till the days he was supposededly done working two jobs and couls see me again. Hed made story postings during this time

But yea. Never replied to me again

4) some boy who wanted to get better at english cause hes moving to the us. We talked on the phone a couple times near christmas. He complained about not having a gf and said he wanted to hang out. But the times i asked he was “busy”. We hung out once... played darts. He said he didnt want to drink cause he drank the night before and he ate before meeting me so left early.... said next time. There was never a next time.

5) some guy i talked to a bit. He asked to meet up. I agreed. Took a whole for us to find each other cause he kept...... hanging up the phone on me.... he didnt look like his pic and he dressed weird. He basically hailed me over when he found me and then walked fast so that i basically had to chase him around. He was one of those dudes that walks with his hands out like people are supposed to move for him. After about 20 minutes of that he told me to wait while he pretended to get a call and then told me his dog is sick and he needed to leave to take her to the hospital. He said well meet again. Never saw him again not that i wanted too.

6) talked to another boy for a couple weeks. Just about fun stuff it was good conversation. We talked about music and movies and murder mystery parties. About our days and just generally the kind of good conversation you have with friends. Around the third week we talked about meeting... but. Then. Tinderboy - i wanna have sex! Came into the convo... i told him i had my period and asked if we could go out to drink instead. He said lets drink before we do next week. Whatever. Next week comes around. Same good conversation everyday. The day of comes and he responded to me in the morning reconfirming the time and place and stuff. Once the time to meet rolled around. No response. I called him a couple times more so to bitch him out. He blocked me.

7) some other dude. We talked a bit. He asked me to go out to eat. Post poned 3 times that night cause he was working later than he was supposed to. I was so hungry. No he didn’t wanna go out to eat. Bought me some convience store food and barely let me finish eating before hooking up... he said thanks to my happy birthday message. But otherwise we havent talked again. Even though hes a ten minute walk away.

8) then of course theres the absolutely adorable boy who took me out on the date of my dreams.... until he silently walked me the train station. Said bye. And now has slowly ghosted me all week. He just unmatched me on tinder after i asked about it so. Guess he’s gone. Which has me feeling fucking terrible.

9) talked to a guy a couple days ago. He asked if i wanted to hook up. I basically agreed. I WANTED HUMAN CONTACT ON VALENTINES DAY. He told me beforehand he was only free for a couple hours. Asked if i wanted him to pick me up the night before buttttt i got my hair treated and shouldnt sweat so i said it was too late and i needed to sleep. He met me. Late. At the station and walked me back yo his apartment after i was done work. One of my students saw me with him... embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hes the oldest guy ive ever... anything. Though still just 29. It would have been a good conversation if... i didnt know he asked me to come have sex and then never made a move. An hour and a half in he suddenly went

Oh its the time! Sorry go. I should have agreed to his request for yesteday instead of insisting on friday.

Ive been freaking out about 8 and i messaged him asking if he lost interest in me. He never responded to my message asking if he wanted to hookup yesterday. He didnt respond for 20 minutes and then i said either say yes or no so im not waiting. And he almost immediately responded with no. So. Idk.

10) talked to some dude from hong kong yesteday. He messaged me first saying he doesnt like japan and just came for the food. Ive been crying all day and basically hust bitched about japan to him. Apparently he doesnt actually dislike japan... he just doesnt like the bidets.... and i told him my home life sucks so im here but here sucks too so wtf. Ya know. Things that are totally attractive go someone you started talking to a half an hour ago. He said he wanted to talk about food. Im good at food talk ok. Then asked if i wantrd to meet up and look for cake with him. Sure. Shinjuku. The same placd i met 5 and 3. Thought id break the- everytime i come to this city im depressed. Cause before them the last time i went to shinjuku in the summer. I couldnt find the clothes shops i was looking for. There were couples all around me. And it was the first day in japan i felt so utterly and truely miserable and alone and like nothing in my life was better. I was still hoping at that point that the teacher i worked with would go with me and show me around and i left thinking next time i go itll be better cause i wont be alone.

Well shinjuku appears to be bad luck for me. I got stressed trying to find this boy and sounded like it over the phone. But he still met up with me. I brought him some snacks from the baskery near me on my way. We talked. He speaks english. But he just asked about my job... how do you get it. Is it hard. Whats its pay.

I walked past a cake shop on my way to meet him and i showed him the cakes he said he really wanted. He said he didnt bring much cash so he didnt want it.... k i thought that was the point of this trip but whatever. He asked me if i was hungry three times. I said i ate before coming because normally when i meet people we dont eat and i go hunry. I left out the YOU SAID YOU WANTED CAKE!!! Part. He said he was hungry but didnt want me to not eat while he did. So i told him to find a place with desert and ill eat desert while he eats a meal. Were walking. This is about 25 minutes in and he starts to complain his legs hurt and that hes tired. Another 10 minutes pass and he complains more about how he feels like hes floating and his shoes dont fit. I see mcdonals and say i know this is lame but ive kinda been craving a big mac. Its fine if not cause ya know your visiting japan but would you want mcdonals. He jokes about it and then goes yea i could go for a bigmac. We get in the store and he tells me to go. And i tell him to go ahead first. Then he says no he feels sick and doesnt want to eat.... tells me to eat... the exact situation he didnt want earlier

Hm. Gee. I wonder whats coming. I say i only wanted to eat cause he said he was hungry. We leave and then he says maybe its tmi but - proceeds to tell me about being constipated. I didnt try to listen. Btw he was 6’4 and kinda difficult to hear if i didnt try. I wrap that up with. Yea i think that was a tmi story but good for you. Cause the gist of it was that he could shit now.

Then. You know its coming. He says hes gonna go home. I stop acting happy. I told myself the next time this happened id confront them.

We met up at 7 and it was now like 7:50. My train is 10 bucks round trip.

But. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

All i could say after a while of kinda just going silent was - whyd you ask me to meet if you were so tired.

And he aaid cauae walking around japan alone isnt fun. Yeah mean i know. I said that to you over text earlier.

I asked him if i dont look like my pic. He says i look exactly like my pic.

I say a few times before ive met up with guys and we never talk again. And he goes - well youre meeting strangers and sometimes it just doesnt click

He unmatchd me the moment he got on his train. I imagine were still friends on snapchat cause he probably deleted it since he redownloaded it to talk to me

So yea. Same experiences as back home because im me and i will always be cursed and miserable. I dont wanna sleep cause im waiting to see when that boy in 8 will block me on line... cause i sent alot of messages. It doesnt help me to know when.... but.... ya... idk. Someone shoot me please

[marceline321]

Chester Bennington

i am 25 years old,

struggled with depression since 14, 

when linkin park was on everyones playlist

linkin park was something different from the music on the radio 

not only was there a sense of poetic lyrics 

but such intense emotion came through the music they produced

it was either you hate them or you loved them back in the day

i cant deny that their music changed over the years, i still respected them

 bands, artists even people need change in their lives.

but the industry is changing, so is the generation

 i heard the news of him passing away, it was like losing someone I knew, 

because growing up with people who didnt have this mental illness, and me being known as a freak my whole life

music was all i had,

most people don't pay attention to the lyrics 

 the pain artists spill for millions to hear

seeing people calling him selfish for taking his own life is mind blowing to me

he is a human first off, like you and me

who got into the industry and had to battle many demons

that NO ONE knows but him,

he was no coward

he was not selfish

you ever think of his children, like for a second, they will now be known as the children whos daddy they loved is a”coward” because you dont think about others, you only think about you and how you feel and how you know everything

 he wrote music for others not to feel alone,

he worked hard for people who felt alone, 

he kept doing it to PROVIDE for his family, who HE LOVED

he was showing people the pain he had through music in hopes that others will hear him

 the problem with most people these days

they think music is for their entertainment, and thats fine,

to publically bash someone who just took their own life 

means

this generation is full of children who have no empathy or minds of their own

It's NOT EASY TO SAY” LOOK I THINK ABOUT DEATH ALOT”

you get shunned and become the crazy, selfish human society 

(this happened to me personally so try to agure me)

in all reality, those who are depressed are the most selfless people

Chester Bennington was no coward and no way selfish

he was a hero

and i wont explain why

because the ones who are reading this know

the ones who dont you better wake up

depression isnt something you can get rid of

meds make you crazier

it doesnt matter how much money, nothing matters, you think you dont matter

and maybe instead of thinking about how he could that to his family and all the others awful things being thrown around about him

lets think about the people he helped.

and how even though he probably wanted to die from day one he fought

and fought

you dont know the story, i dont know the story

i only know what he did for me, and how depression will alter your mind, the pain is so real you feel like you have no choice but to take your life.

so this is for everyone who is so into this “love” movement, gender, color, even addiction,   

how about have some respect for someone who fought for a long time and took his own life because something was so unbearable 

it doesn't mean he didn't love his kids

it doesn't mean he was weak,

all that bullshit you guys are pulling out your ass to seem like you know what you're talking about says a lot about you.

mental illness is REAL, 

and its becoming more and more common for people, 

famous or not to take their own lives.

so those people who are bashing it, 

you are reason why the stigma is so unbelievable towards mental health

you want the world to change, then start looking at yourself

start listening to someone who says they are struggling, stop assuming this is some made up believe shit, when it's not

this generation is full of baby men and little girls assuming mental health is something you can shake off cause that's what they were taught

I respect people who are still alive today who battle with this

Chester Bennington,

im sorry you felt so alone and lost,

i never met you, but when i was alone and lost at such a young age

you helped me.

ive been fighting for this stigma to go away for awhile

cause i lost friends, family and some of my biggest inspirations

Chester was one of them.

i will fight this stigma 

I will save lives.

cause these lives matter too, maybe you don't understand it.

maybe you never will

until one day you meet someone 

who changes you and understands you, 

and you see the decay growing from the mental illness destroying the strongest person

and if you are unlucky

 you will find your best friend laying lifeless

famous or not

he was a person

just like you and I

how many more phones calls hearing a friend took their own life will it take for people to actually start acting?

start talking or stop talking and listening

stop this fucking bullshit

and lets do something