#if i post enough memes they will give me serotonin right

[agendratum]

Word of Honor as text posts (39/?)

[rosepolaris]

Hello! Hope you've been doing well. I have a question: what makes you love Lady Dimitrescu? Your fic is my favorite LD fic because of how mysterious and in character she is, its almost hard to believe you started it before the game came out. You nailed her and her daughters while still giving them your own unique twist. So I'm wondering, what attracts you to this character?

I've sat on this question in my inbox for weeks, anon. Weeks, because explaining why I love Lady Dimitrescu is the sort of thing I could sum up in a few words, or I could write a novel length dissertation on her and still go back later thinking, wait, I forgot to mention this. I think you've waited long enough for a response though, so, I'm going to just ramble for a little bit and see how it goes.

(Firstly, thank you for your kind words about my fic! Nothing gives me serotonin like hearing that after all this time it's your favourite, and sidenote, its still being written! Right now I have a couple of chapters done, but I'm waiting until I have at least 3-4 finished so I can avoid the pesky posting droughts I've had recently)

I can't talk about Lady Dimitrescu without stressing first and foremost, that everything about her is an anomaly for female characters in video games. When I first heard shouts of "9ft tall vampire gf" memes drifting on the wind in late January 2021 I had just finished work, and I was expecting to open my internet browser to see your run-of-the-mill video game woman, with the addition of press-on fangs and perhaps a pair of impressive shoujo legs to make up the height. She would surely be in her early twenties, thin and petite-framed, just like all Attractive Video Game Women are.

But then, she wasn't. I watched the trailer, and as she crouched through that doorway and straightened up - she wasn't any of those things. She was grimly, horrifically beautiful. Genuinely massive in stature, not just tall, but proportionately huge. Broadly framed, not thin, dressed elegantly in that ghostly ivory dress with that sweeping hat, and god, her face. Visibly in her 40s, all smile lines and crow's feet and imperfect, deathly pale skin and stained teeth. She was something as a horror fan I had been craving without knowing it — as I've already mentioned, female characters in video games are massively skewed towards young adulthood. With that in mind, I can't overstate the importance of seeing a woman over 40 with the honest and beautiful features of a woman over 40; her signs of ageing have not been smoothed out and wiped away like something to hide, nor has she been boxed into the old horror trope of mature and powerful women as hags. She simply exists — attractive and middle aged— in a sea of media that quietly implies through a lack of representation of older women that we hit some kind of beauty expiry date once we hit 35.

And as time went on, and we learned more about her beyond first impressions, I became more and more enamoured with her — as a lesbian, her coding brings me a wild amount of validation. Once you peel back the layers of blood and death and look at the way Lady Dimitrescu is living her life, it's hard for me as a woman and as a lesbian to not feel empowered by seeing a female character who has made the conscious choice to live her life centred on women. She's a single mother of three daughters, created and adopted with the help of another woman. Exclusively women are allowed to work in her living space in the castle, and even the name of the minor enemies in Castle Dimitrescu (Moroaicǎ) is the feminine form, suggesting to her, only women are worthy to receive the cadou — to become creatures of her own creation. The fact that she preys specifically upon women also satisfies a dark desire for scenarios involving sexual vulnerability for me and a lot of sapphic women — and she allows the exploration of those desires in a way that feels safe, taking place in this distant, imaginary environment in which men play no part, and therefore cannot exploit us. In our way, we've taken her status as an example of the Predatory Lesbian Vampire trope and reclaimed it for our own.

She's also an independent and successful businesswoman who is completely unapologetic about her immense stature in a world where women are pressured to take up as little space with our bodies as possible. I may not be a 9ft 6 vampire lady, but any body type represented that goes against the norm for women in games — especially when the character with that body is presented as beautiful and portrayed carrying an aura of power and confidence — is incredibly freeing and comforting for those of us with body image issues. I've met many women in the fanbase, myself included, who feel more confident about the parts of our bodies we've been made to feel undesirable for having, simply because Lady D has those features and is celebrated for them.

Another layer to my love for her is House Dimitrescu's female-centred horror. While the primary reason for all of it is to present female empowerment as a source of fear and conflict to Ethan, that in of itself becomes empowering. We see women for once with their hands on the fear factor dial in horror, historically a very male-dominated genre where men are often both the heroes and villains, and women (not always, but often enough) are the victims - the swooning damsels in distress.

Something else I'd like to mention — the sapphic fandom contribution. The way we took her and ran, creating our own stories and characterisations for her and her daughters months before the game released brought about the kind of creative, original content I haven't seen in any fandom before. It was genuinely magical to experience that level of passion around a character we knew very little about, but who spoke to us so powerfully that we simply had to make her our own. It went far beyond finding her attractive.

I could go on, but the above points and more now, a year and a half later, have culminated in her being my favourite character of all time.

[lovingnekoma]

literally just some of my fav haikyuu/bnha/jjk blogs & why

i’m sad and anxious and my coping mechanisms are being honest about my feelings and nice to people but these are truly some of my fav blogs atm, very tried & true. these are not all my fav blogs ofc, i have so so so many! just some i’d like to give a shoutout to today, and i will continue this series to continue to praise more blogs too hehe <3

also, a lot of these reasons may be “vibes” and that’s bc vibes/energy is important as hell for me to feel comfy and safe on a blog lmao

@sugardaddykenma: you already know lin was gonna be on here. my queen of shitposts, i bow at her feet. she’s funny. she roasts people. the serotonin and memes are on her blog are quality content, unmatched by society. also, seeing snippets of political theory piques my interest as a social justice/global issues/anthropology hoe and it’s really cool?? lmao kinda unrelated, but genuinely is making me think about getting into policy. her shitposts live in my head rentfree and i soulmate-ship her and aone.

@atsumuse: come on. lay’s writing is immaculate, spicy, pussy-clenching...... the power she has in making my flip switch from sad af to horny af. literally, the vibes are so on point and chill and funny. i am always so shy to interact but lay never disappoints. idk. the energy? the vibes? kinda hot, a good time, idk i love it on her blog. also the gojou thirst? her theme? pop off, you legend

@lovingseijoh: LISTEN. clare’s blog is the definition of immaculacy. full of gems. the posts? the theme? clare? unparalleled deity shit right there, baby. i go on it for quality content, then end up liking so many posts that i have to go through my “likes” to rapidly reblog stuff in order to like more posts. her original content is so so fucking good and she’s genuinely so nice & warm to her anons. gives me big sis vibes <3

@inkykeiji: quite literally the only mostly-bnha-dedicated blog i ever go onto, tbh. clari also gives me sweet older sis vibes, is always the nicest to her anons, and truly just puts in so much time & effort into answering every ask and writing very well-written stories. i have not watched bnha but i definitely binge-read some of her series and got soft daddy shig thoughts stuck in my head on repeat from her 10/10 writing.

@heyhinata: cal’s fanart reblogs do not miss but neither do her captions or original posts. she’s truly so sweet and cool (imagine building a pc?? monarch shit right there) and so so so easy to talk to and warm and welcoming towards her anons. i cannot sing enough praises about how much her theme slaps (& her carrd!! did not get a chance to hop on and tell you how cool it looks yet but it looks great omg) and how great the energy is on there.

@iwaasfairy: i keep sending my partner your writing as ref for what i read for porn and he greatly appreciates it. i just love your energy in your asks, you remember so many diff anons & are so thoughtful, and i also love how fucking hard your writing goes. also just appreciate the sharing bits of vulnerability or openness about your mental state with us anons, and i kin your “awake 24/7” habits hard. the vibes r strong and you just seem like a beautiful person who cares about loving characters and is always so easy to talk to

@stonersugawara: hit or miss, they really never miss huh?? i read their shitposts religiously but the minute it hit timeskip hinata i was a goner. quality content of the highest regard. my lungs are fulled with endorphins and laughter. this is slightly delirious because i slept nothing last night but just know i love you, your vibes, and clicked “follow” while reading your navi post alone. that’s on being too powerful

@samuslut: my brain is in shambles from having to form coherent sentences but your energy is so great and fun to me, and your thirst posts and drabbles and work have me literally salivating. i am on my knees for your kita fic, and you have turned me into more of an osamu whore than i already was. also — “wing”?? that’s so cool, you’re so cool. you give me cool person vibes and have beautiful, sexy, amazing writing that i thank you for sharing & blessing me with

@atsumusc0ck: zinkie, your social issues post are so important, your vibes are immaculate, and the cursed memes are unparalleled. i could truly not describe the amount of caring personality and glorious energy in your blog alone. i would need to be typing this at 3am using every cursed tumblr reference and meme while channeling kunimi/suna style vibes and being in beautiful love. you are the embodiment of so many good things and i hope you’re happy always.

[bokutokoutarou]

@tsukideshima​ asked: Not sure if this is an emergency request but can I have headcanons for tsuki, bokuto and suga with an s/o who has depression and on days it's bad she completely shuts down like barely getting off the bed to eat her meals and tries to sleep the enture day off? Thank you so much, my depressions has just been acting up and quarantine is not helping—

of course this counts as an emergency request! i really hope you feel better soon, and if you ever want to talk then i’m here :)

warning - mentions depression

[a/n] - i’m formatting my posts like this from now on instead of answering asks directly because tumblr’s being mean to me and is inserting a ‘read more’ right after the ask :(

⌜ •   °    +   °   •   ⌝

TSUKKI, BOKUTO, AND SUGA WITH A DEPRESSED S/O

masterlist

☆。*。☆。 Tsukishima Kei

Tsukishima’s no stranger to depressive-like symptoms, so that just makes him even more motivated to make sure that you don’t feel the same way

If you try to sleep in all day, he’ll straight up pick you up with no remorse and carry you out of bed

He may be a bit scrawny, but he can lift you up like it’s nothing

You’ll try to protest and squirm out of his hold, but there’s no way that he’s letting you win because:

“Nice try, [Y/N], but there’s no way you’re sleeping the whole day away on my watch”

If he ever notices that you’re not eating as much or that you’re skipping meals, he’ll go on a whole TANGENT about how your body needs nutrients to live

Once, during one of his rants about how you need to eat to survive, he made an offhand comment about how he wouldn’t know what he’d do without you alive and you both turned BRIGHT RED after what he said processed in your minds

“Kei, did you just say...” you trailed off, completely red in the face and speechless at his words

Tsukishima was completely stunned at what he said, but he didn’t try to take it back or deny it because it was true. He needed you just as much as you needed him

“Yeah, yeah I did,” he told you, and his lips curled upwards into one of his rare smiles that you had fallen in love with

Tsukki’s not very big on hugs or affection, but as awkward as he may be, he won’t hesitate to pull you into a hug if your depression is acting up

During quarantine, he’d try to cheer you up by sending you jokes and memes that are only funny because of how unfunny they are

Also, he’ll send you dinosaur memes because he’s a huge nerd and it’s adorable

Even though he tries to hide it sometimes, there’s no denying that he cares about you so much, and he will do anything to make sure that you’re okay

☆。*。☆。 Bokuto Koutarou

Honestly, if Bokuto’s around then there’s no use in even trying to stay in bed because this boy will find a way to get you up no matter what it takes

It’ll start off with him shaking you lightly and enthusiastically trying to convince you to get a fresh start to the day by waking up early

“RISE AND SHINE, [Y/N]!!!”

Of course, that never works, so then he’ll jump into the bed with you and start tickling you to try to wake you up

“STOP IT KOU,” you always say in between your uncontrollable giggles. “YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME PEE”

That method usually works, but one time it didn’t, so he texted Kuroo because he honestly didn’t know what to try next

Kuroo told him that he should play an alarm sound on his phone to straight up ANNOY you awake, and although Kuroo was half-joking, Bokuto actually listened

This boy straight up played the most ANNOYING alarm sound you’ve ever heard until you got so pissed off that you had to get out of bed and shut it off yourself

Kuroo almost pissed himself when you angrily texted him what Bokuto did

If Bokuto notices that you’re eating less because of your depression, then he’ll make you a “special” home-made meal that he thinks you can’t resist

Of course, Bokuto can’t cook for shit (although you’ll never tell him that), but you’ll end up eating the whole thing because you feel bad for him

Somehow Bokuto got the right result with the wrong formula, but hey, at least it worked

Bokuto will give you the BIGGEST hugs to cheer you up, and you can practically feel your serotonin boosting whenever he wraps his arms around you and peppers you with kisses

During quarantine, he’d spam you with the stupidest memes in an attempt to cheer you up, and he’d send you random selfies of him doing dumb stuff throughout the day to try and make you laugh

You always do because he’s so dumb that it’s adorable

Even though Bokuto’s kind of clueless sometimes, he just loves you so damn much and he means the best. He just wants to see you smile, because he can never be truly happy if he knows that you’re not

☆。*。☆。 Sugawara Koushi

Sugawara’s a literal sweetheart, but he’s not a pushover, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your mental health

He likes to brighten your day from the very beginning by bringing you breakfast in bed (as long as you promise to get up right afterwards), and unlike Bokuto, Sugawara can ACTUALLY cook

His meals are god-tier so you can’t even resist eating them even if your appetite decreases because of your depression

He’s literally getting you to eat and motivating you to get out of bed all at once

Suga always makes sure to check in on you and how you’re doing. He’s really understanding, and he always lets you know that he’s there for you no matter what

He’s so calming and therapeutic, so you find it extremely easy to talk to the boy about anything that you’re struggling with

Whenever your depression acts up, he tries to make you feel better by cuddling you and putting on a cheesy rom-com for you two to watch

He calls his cuddles “serotonin cuddles”. It’s literally the cheesiest thing ever and HE KNOWS IT, but that doesn’t stop him from calling them that

As much as you hate to admit it, you always feel so much happier whenever you’re wrapped in his warm embrace

During quarantine, he’d spam you with facetime calls to make sure that you’re doing alright

Also, he’ll make sure that you send pictures of your plate before and after you eat to make sure that you’re eating enough because he’s SUCH a mom

Suga honestly cares about you more than anything in the world, and he’s not afraid to show it

As long as you’re happy, he’s happy, and in his opinion, there’s NO better feeling than the feeling he gets in his chest whenever he sees you smile

[leesh]

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

[drifters]

tagged by @pearlsandsteel​ & @waybaben​ ty guys <33

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

tagging: idk who to tag, so rip

name / nickname: vincent, vinny, v (any variation of the name really)

gender: uhhhhhhhhhh (he / they)

star sign: virgo

height: 5′8″ or 173 cm (?? hopefully i did that right)

time: 8:22 pm (@ the time of answering)

birthday: september

favorite bands: three days grace. can’t think of any others that really stick, i like to music hop

favorite solo artists: ???

song(s) stuck in my head: the most recent likes on my spotify - chemical by the devil wears prada, wasteland by 10 years, save yourself by my darkest days

last movie: onward (i think, i can’t really remember)

last show: brooklyn nine-nine

when did you create this blog: fuck if i know dude. maybe when i was 16 / 17?

what do i post: video games / interactive fiction / miscellaneous shit that gives me serotonin

last thing googled: “i’ve had enough of this dude” was making a meme for an angel 😌

do i get asks: not really

why i chose my url: fell in love with the drifter during my destiny fixation, wanted to represent my boy 💖

favorite color: right now it’s green

favorite animal: snakes i think

average hours of sleep: :o) who knows, really?

lucky number: 3, 5, 9, 7, 7 according to some website

instruments: nah

what am i wearing: band hoodie + pajama pants

dream job: idk man. i just wanna have stable income at this point

dream trip: hmhm. used to be germany, but now i think i just really wanna see my best friend so wherever they are

last book i read: does manga count? we’re gonna say it counts. i think i read through all the volumes i own of maid-sama

currently reading: (trying to read) the witcher.

currently thinking about: probably the dbd event going on rn

favorite food: something involving pasta

nationality: american

favorite song: current fav - wasteland by 10 years, all time fav - never too late by three days grace

top 3 fictional universes: uh....... mass effect, vtmb, dbd. maybe.

[erlenmeyertrash]

tips for making friends At Collegiate!! (not for me of course i’m amazing and famous and everyone loves me on impact)

you’re RIGHT lab everyone Does Love You Instantly

however if you wanna make MORE friends, post-covid19:

interact on day one. or day two. or day seventeen! don’t think you’ve ever “missed your chance” at befriending someone because it’s too “late in the semester” or whatever your brain tells you. most people in college love to a) talk and b) suffer together

compliment people. swear to god. on shoes, on their laptop stickers, on how cool their latte looks, on their jacket. even if it doesn’t spark some amazing friendship, you’ll feel better about complimenting someone and you might make their day so :> win-win. randomly complimenting people is a great way to practice starting conversations anyways lmao

join organizations! my school has an “Open House” deal where the student center fills to the brim with every student org. it’s a great way to see everything your campus offers and find a fun social organization or group activity

do research/a job/any extracurricular shit. it might not give you like “omg bridesmaids” lifelong friends, but transient friends/acquaintances are important too.

continuing from the last post: you might not find your Best Pal 4 Ever in history 101, and that’s okay! social interaction needs can be met however possible. online friends are literally just as important. if you’ve got a solid social circle via twitter and a few in-person acquaintances? congrats, you’re a modern social butterfly. don’t beat yourself up for “not having enough friends” if you can spend a solid 2 hours joking around in a massive discord chat

during covid... shit Hits a Little Different. i’d say:

start a class groupme. if nothing else, class solidarity.

find your college’s local twitter/facebook meme groups. we have Aggie Twitter lmao and it’s just a regular retweeting circle, but it helps you feel more “connected” to a student body

try and befriend people around you. roommates, neighbors (even if you’re just talking via window post-its), who knows what.

reach out! slide into the dms with “i see you tweeting complaints about the architecture department, that advisor is the Worst and do you wanna platonically grab coffee when social distancing ends.” a read receipt cannot physically harm you

if you’re down for it: join a dating app literally just for the conversation. we’re all bored out of our minds!! make your profile say “i am literally bored and here for the conversation, dm me your best joke.” who cares bro we all just be cravin that serotonin

i think it’s important to find a takeaway during a situation like this and go “okay, i just need to feel Social rn, will replying to a tweet do that for me? should i look at tinder? or should i text my friend from high school because i’m actually craving Being Known?”

do what works for you right now, and focus on the “lifelong friendships” later while acknowledging you’re not on a time limit or trying to hit a quota for “number of friends made in college.” my literal closest friends were all solidly in the “mild acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend” category for months before i was like “oh wait i actually love you a lot” lmao. we just be out here vibin

[cheerisuu]

saturday

Actually its 1:51 AM on a Sunday——

I’ve realised the internet does give you a dark place for your emotions to cluster. And what’s difficult is that it’s mostly in the same type of social media. On Facebook you’d be sad for a second seeing a post on a seacreature such as sharks or whales being washed upon the shores of who knows where due to the earth dying. Next minute you’re viewing memes whether it’s by the kalokohan made by the Filipinos or just some random shit somewhere else around the world. Instagram on the other hand, makes you feel cautious about who really is interested in your life’s stories. Me as someone who is very anxious about anyone would easily overthink or overmean stuff. But that varies among different personalities. On Twitter, you get to see different people’s emotions from ups to downs. What made me start writing tonight is because i saw a previous school mate of mine post a video about her current relationship that’s all cuddles and kisses and chilling,expressing their love for each other and how in to her that guy was, knowing damn well that girl i knew was bashed beforehand due to her confused sexuality, eating disorders, and the various rumours about boys and backlash that was surrounding her; she managed to smile and eventually have that special someone that was open to accept her flaws no matter who she was.

Now, im not saying that openness should vary whether you know all about the truth of the person or not, im saying this type of openness should be accompanied by trust and faithfulness that you are about to partake in the responsibility of someone’s feelings, anxiety, and emotions. Even if you’re not knowing every single detail of the person’s life. What matters most is you base your love on how they grew up. Because not everyone was raised on love. That’s why we see some individuals having trouble on how to love a person properly because we don’t see the damage that was administered by their past.

The past days that i have been down i came to realise, I was indeed pressured about not losing the person i loved. In fact, i still do love that person with all of my heart (and hypothalamus if you want to get scientific) but i was too busy focused on what i wanted for US, that i wasn’t paying attention to the little details about what he was trying to say. I know he isn’t good with words and it was my fault that i kept on looking forward not giving light to our present. I miss him every day that comes by. Not just physically but emotionally. You know, it’s really different when you have someone to talk to about your day, how it was going, someone who updates you when you aren’t asking. It just feels good that you know you are still thought of even when you are not constantly talking right? Or is it just me.. well, if it is just me, then i can just keep it to myself and admire from the distance just by him being online, him replying to whatever random topic i ask about him or tell something or even just being left on read. The simple things get simpler, and simpler, as each hour passes on. Even getting him from viewing my stories becomes a struggle sometimes cause it’s just one tap away on our convo but it still doesnt happen. :<

I was laughing for myself today and it has been a while. I took a video of this clip from CongTV that made me admire my own laugh and made me thought “So this is what i sound like when im not sad.” It’s not bad afterall. Although the thought of him comes to mind because he’s the one who usually watches this and the commentary on the video is really loud which makes me recognize it more. But i just simply enjoy the laugh i had and just thank him for letting me be interested in these jackass channels lol. I also covered a chorus by a song he introduced me to, “Lie To Me” by 5 Seconds of Summer. I tried covering Scars by James Bay (beautiful song btw) but I couldn’t risk my confidence cause I mess up alot when im nervous and i might come off as someone bragging (char rajug hawod oy) but i just think like that i guess. I’m the lowkey-type in other words. Being low-key also reminds of one of his traits. He is really good at a few things: we’re almost exactly the same and sometimes opposite. We’re your Jack Of All Trades, except that he really excels in Math and Basketball. Anyways, i tried getting his attention by chatting him a few times to look at my story. I posted it on Twitter but I wasn’t comfortable enough to put it up that long so, i guess 24 hours is alright. Hopefully in the morning he can go check it out? Im too enthusiastic about this (maybe a lot of things) and that’s just one of the traits i have that he has a problem with. But we’re not here to talk about problems, for now.

To cut this short, let’s just say im still adjusting to how our communication has been lessened which i feel like im just one of his “girl-chat nominees”. That label might have sounded harsh but i still can’t get over the feeling i had when i knew he was chatting with that She. Still grinds my gears. But if i just trust a little longer on how this goes up, then im sure it won’t be a problem. Right? Right. I’ve realised alot in a day, really. Some things dont just end up the way you want it to be and i really miss having this “happy pill” so you call it, that “virtual serotonin” that you know can cheer you up just by them talking to you and messing around with them.

I love you and i miss you every day,

but i think I’ll have to wait around and see how this plays,

whatever it takes.

[ageekywriter]

Psych 101 “Emotions”

Emotions are stubborn things. It’s very human I suppose. So, this was probably the longest we spent on a subject in class. We did a lot of class activities and whether or not that has to do with my professor I really don’t know. Because of that, however, this part of the course, in particular, is where and why I would recommend the class. It’s not that I want to dismiss everything else out of hand, it’s just…this part of the course is where it tends to hit home for some people.

Firstly, there are two kinds of people. Which one do you lean towards?

Collectors: Stuff all their emotions into a box.

Expressers: Get’s it out.

Let’s start with the basic concept. There are four…basic steps to feeling an emotion.

Activating Event: What we experience.

Cognitive Appraisal: This is our mind evaluating the event forming an interpretation of the meaning to us.

Self-talk: Once our interpretation is made, this self-talk reinforces that interpretation. Such as if we think someone dislikes us we talk to ourselves to reinforce that idea.

Emotion: The result. What do we feel as a result of what happened? Did it make you sad? Happy? Depressed?

Pretty straightforward. However, emotions at their core tend to be direct contradictions to rational thought. Because of that, we can fall victim’s nightmares and fantasies. Or what my teacher and textbook call the seven irrational beliefs. Please note these are in no particular order.

Catastrophizing: When you exaggerate the importance of a negative event. Say you’re already stressed and having a bad day and you spill your coffee and you get really unnecessarily angry. And proceed to act like the coffee spill is the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Overgeneralization: This is the exaggeration of the frequency of an event. Like whenever I miss my bus. I overgeneralize and say “this always happens to me.” Whenever you use phrases like “always” and “never”, their pretty strong indicators of this Irrational belief.

The Myth of Causation: The belief that our emotions are caused by someone else when in reality it’s actually our self-talk interpretation of what the activating event was. It allows you to place the blame on someone else for your emotions. Admittedly this a very difficult one to cope with at the moment. It’s hard to remove yourself even for a few seconds in a passionate discussion or argument long enough to recognize what you are feeling and how best to cope with it.(I still struggle with this)

The Need for Approval: This according to some psychologists this is a major source of depression and anxiety (more on those later). This when you compromise your personal beliefs and principles to please someone else and your worried about what someone will think of you.

Tyranny of Shoulds: This is a bit of applying your standards to someone else in the sense that you think that they should act a bit more like you. You could also apply this to yourself in the sense of “I should be able to deal with this.” Another larger example is if you think you are doing everything right in life everything SHOULD be okay. But since when was life ever so complacent?

Perfectionism: This is expecting yourself to achieve perfection in anything you do.  I had a friend who used to cry over B’s and C’s. Because we live in an achievement-oriented society, it only adds on more pressure to those who deal with this more often than others.

The Myth of Helplessness: This is assuming you are stuck in a bad situation and are unable to do anything about it.

To quote the book “The Overall Lesson? Don’t Awfulize!” The trick to dealing with the irrational beliefs is recognizing when we do them, and to not give them too much power over our day to day lives.

In class we came up with a list of things that can be responsible for aiding and/or helping to cause emotions:

Loved Ones                 Health                         Property                      Career

Relationships              Freedom                      Past                             Substances

Pertaining a bit to that list, we can’t really cover emotions without going through the stages of Grief or Loss. Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, Acceptance, are rather well known for being the stages. They don’t happen in any particular order though acceptance is usually at the end. To quote my teacher “No one has the right to tell you to over it.” I tend to agree that there should be time to mourn anything that is of significance to you. To give a brief example I don’t think I’ve fully accepted the death of my dog. She passed away a year ago and I don’t think I’m used to how quiet the house is without her. These stages can also be applied to other things as well. Lost family stability perhaps? Maybe you lost your career? House? The goal is eventually to bounce back, however, no one has the right to rush you.

Depression is another rather controversial topic. People who don’t have it often don’t know how it works, or they don’t fully understand. It can come from two different places. It can be situational, like myself, where you’ve been dealt a certain hand during life and it’s just been a constant ever since. Then there is the more clinical aspect where its hereditary, and sometimes major head injuries can cause it.

There are different levels of depression. I’m on the lower end where humor, outdoors, distractions, and the occasional good company helps. I use the following meme to accurately describe myself:

Jokes aside what I do to deal with my depression doesn’t work on people who have it far worse than I. Biologically speaking, when you have higher levels of depression it is often a chemical imbalance in the brain with serotonin and dopamine. That’s the reason medication is often prescribed, however, it is important to note that the medication prescribed to those with higher level depression is only supposed to help you get out of bed. They don’t hold your hand. And without going into too much detail, it does affect our relations with others. To keep it simple still, we have a hard time finding…satisfaction or gratification in the world around us. Something that can worsen depending on the levels of depression.

Anger is an emotion that’s singled out in the book, rightfully so as it can be the most harmful. There are two methods of dealing with anger either directly or indirectly. Directly being you’re taking it out of the source, an indirect is something akin to walking it off. The key is to make sure you're doing both somewhat constructively. Because being rude with physical and verbal aggression in being direct will likely do more harm than good. Same if you go aggressively drown yourself in alcohol as a way of dealing with it indirectly. It is important to express this emotion because over time it can tend to build up leading to conflicts that will hurt you in some way.

A quick word in on Happiness. I’ve done a fifty-minute lecture about happiness, a philosophical essay, and even a research paper to some extent and it’s fair to say I’m still no expert. The book lists things that can be done to help in far more…concise manner than any of those things I did during my personal study a few years ago.

Keep yourself busy with challenging but manageable tasks. Our mind loves challenges no matter the kind.

Being grateful. Those who express their gratitude to others tend to be happier and they can cope more effectively with stress.

Finding social networks that can provide you with meaningful relationships.

Attempt to be an optimist. (Admittedly a hard one for me.)

Exercise regularly, it promotes the release of endorphins and other pleasure related chemicals.

Laughing is always a good source of immediate happiness. (Shout out to my Roosterteeth Fandom!)

Lastly a word on Stress and Anxiety. Stress is a very strange thing to feel as it can cause you illness and thus create even more stress for yourself. We get stressed over relationship conflicts, jobs, noise, crowding, traffic jams, and financial difficulties to name some of the obvious. Anxiety is similar in nature but is a bit stronger. When people have anxiety attacks it tends to be their stress response in overdrive.

Eustress: Is good, this is what gets you out bed in the morning to go about your day. This is an integral part of your drove to go about day to day life.

Distress: Limited stress, this trying to find a parking spot or picking the right outfit for an event. 

Hyperstress: This is when you’ve got too much on your plate. Doesn’t allow much time for yourself.

Hypostress: This is boredom and not being challenged. IE what you experience sometimes during the summer.

Coping mechanisms are different for everyone. For some it’s religion. For others it’s self-pampering, crying, checking into your social support system of friends for a bit.

Compensatory self-improvement: This is recognizing an unnecessary stressor in life and changing in order to either remove it or satisfy it in a different way. (Doesn’t work with everything obviously,)

WELL, that was a mouthful. We took three full class periods (a couple with no break) in order to cover this topic. It makes sense this one is the longest post I have yet about my psych class. As I’m sure you’ve noticed a lot of what I discussed can be worked on be merely being aware of your own problems. So I suppose the activity I would suggest you do is pick out a particular issue that you’d want to work on brainstorm it and ask yourself why it’s a problem?