#if i lost 100 pounds- and i probably won't- i would likely still be insecure

[vamptastic]

lost like ten pounds for no reason and im wondering if its testosterone or metformin. i know thats a not a lot considering my weight (250) but i have literally never lost that much weight in my entire life lmao, i basically constantly gained weight for no reason until i started treating my pcos. i started metformin a few months earlier, but it would make more sense since it initially halted my constant weight gain, maybe it just took a while for my blood sugar to get fully under control? when i last had bloodwork done, it'd been a few months on metformin and my blood sugar was better but my lipids were mostly the same. curious to see what my results will be when i get more bloodwork done in a couple weeks.

i also don't look/feel like ive lost any weight? ive put on a little fat on my upper abdomen, before T i had some fat on the lower stomach but my fat distribution was mostly butt, thighs, boobs, and hips, and my stomach was far from flat but relative to the rest of my body, not a lot of fat went there. if that's weight transferring from somewhere else on my body, can't really tell which part it's from cause my butt and thighs look and feel the same. think my face looks a bit slimmer, i was starting to form a little bit of a double chin before (my face was basically the last place for weight to start showing) and now the bit of fat under my chin is kinda still there but it feels like, tighter? and my face is looking a bit different, more masculine and older, but that could just be because i'm 18 and i'm still growing a bit.

anyway, whatever it is, i'm liking what t is doing for me appearance wise and it'd be nice to keep losing weight without doing anything. once i stopped constantly gaining weight and could just exist in my body and get used to it, i stopped caring so much and ive made peace with it. i still don't have the best body image, always hated seeing full body pictures of myself at every size i've been, but i'm not like, actively fighting off an eating disorder anymore. id basically just decided that every attempt to lose weight had failed and was miserable, and being fat was better than being slightly less fat and way unhealthier, so fuck it, let's learn how to be okay with what we've got. if i lose weight from T, cool, if i don't, this size is fine. probably always going to be medically "morbidly obese".

[17cardboardboxes]

4

My only fear really is that I will binge and not be able to lose, or that I will gain weight from binging

5

So guys will like me more, Il look better in my clothes, look better without clothes, wont feel insecure in a bathing suit, won't have to worry about how my stomach looks as much, so people will think I look good, to make up for how my face looks, to make up for having small boobs, and to have a perfect body

6

So much. Starving myself made me obsessed with food, and now even when I try to eat normally and maintain, I still struggle to not stuff my face because I'm addicted to the dopamine it gives me.

7

They know I used to, and they didn't like it, and stopped me from dieting when they found out. But they think I'm better now, so I just have to hide it well

8

I lift to grow my glutes and upper body so my waist looks smaller, and so I don't get skinny fat. I don't really do cardio, cause I don't like it much, and you can't outrun a bad diet anyways

9

Not really, I'm pretty small already

10

Eating to help with boredom

11

Don't have one

12

I try to eat high protein, and a lot of low calorie veggies to help my not binge.

13

Unhealthy lol

14

Idk, probably 100 lbs. It's been my goal for over 5 years, and I hit it once, but I keep "recovering" and gaining back weight and I struggle with binging, so who knows when I'll hit it. I could get it in a month if I stay focused(which wont happen), but I hope I can before the end of the year

15

I was vegetarian before I started dieting, which is a good excuse to avoid food, but other than that it's not very helpful in my opinion

16

Five years ago in 8th grade when my mental health got bad and I started to hate myself

17

Anyone who does this list has an eating disorder

18

Chocolate, and any food nearby when people around me are eating

19

Idk, recently. I'm not very good at having an ed

20

Fasting tbh, when I start eating it's hard to stop getting "just a little more"

21

I'm a size 2 generally, or small/extra small

22

99 lbs. My parents found out, and stopped me from dieting, so instead I binged and gained 35 pounds over 2 years. And I've spent the last two years trying to lost it again.

23

Yes. The skinny actresses are always perceived as being more attractive

24

Pro ed stuff should be kept off of mainstream media like tiktok, but it's nice to have a community for people who look for one

25

Yes, I don't remember my first experience, but I use to be afraid of throwing up and I didn't know how to make it easier, so I'm sure it was not a good time

26

SKINNY WAIST, being smaller and eating to maintain, not lose

27

By binging lol. Sometimes I can trigger myself and distract myself with other things and stop myself from eating

28

I do, but I have big ass thighs, and I'd have to lose a lot to get one. I would rather keep some curves than have a thigh gap, so I pry will never have one. I care more about my stomach so a thigh gap isn't really a priority

29

I know it when I see it

30

I did these all in one day to distract myself lol