#if i just vanished completely off of the internet nobody would notice

[ikkan]

being irl: nobody likes u

being online: nobody likes u

existing and breathing: nobody likes u

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Cheryl//you can’t go through life trying not to get hurt

Request: So can I ask for a cheryl x reader where r does everything to make cheryl happy and just being supportive of her?

hey! i kind of got just a little bit carried away with this. but i think i pulled it back! i hope you like it! also, i know the title is an archie quote but i don’t really care because it fits and i like it! plus, they’re both red-heads so what’s really the difference? 

- We know Cheryl hasn’t had the best life 

- Her entire family and everything to do with it is tainted

- So for a long while, she thinks she’s tainted to

- And when she meets you 

- On a rainy Friday night, sat by Sweetwater River

- With your hair plastered to your face and the brightest smile she’s ever seen 

- She knows she has to stay away from you

- Because anybody who can be that happy sat in the pouring rain 

- Is somebody too pure for her 

- So she turns around and heads back to her car 

- Deciding that if she wants to be alone, she can just do it at home

- But then she hears it

- Your voice

- So soft, but so demanding 

- And you’re calling her name 

- Her name has never sounded so pretty 

- Even if it is coming from a complete stranger, who’s staring at such a dark place like its the most beautiful thing in the world

- ‘yea-yeah?’

- Her confidence slips for just a few seconds and its purely down to the way you’re looking at her 

- Like she’s filled with magic and wonder and mystery 

- A mystery you’re going to solve 

- Spoiler alert...you do

- ‘come sit’ You pat the rock beside you and she glances warily between you and it 

- It may have stopped raining but that rock is still very wet and she’s wearing a new skirt 

- ‘oh come on. live a little’ Your eyes sparkle as you speak 

- She eventually concedes and sits beside you

- Now she just has to make sure she doesn’t give too much away 

- Never let anyone else in

- Its the mantra she’s been repeating for as long as she can remember 

- This time she’s going to stick to it 

- Spoiler alert...she doesn’t

- Because thats easier said than done when a pretty girl is asking her questions 

- Or just paying attention to her tbh

- So she asks you questions instead 

- ‘how do you know who i am?’ 

- Normally she’d be afraid of a complete stranger who knew her name

- But this time, she’s just curious 

- She wants to know who you are 

- Why you’re in Riverdale?

- How has a town so full of dark secrets and awful people managed to capture you?

- She’s expecting a long winded explanation about how you just moved from a big city

- Because lets be real, thats the only place she can picture you living 

- But instead you just laugh 

- Such a light, unexpected laugh

- And now she’s unsure of what to say 

- What do you say to that?

- ‘i know a lot about a lot’ 

- ‘wow’ She mutters 

- She couldn’t help it 

- She is Cheryl Blossom after all 

- She can’t been seen as anything other than a bitch 

- But when she see’s the flash of hurt in your eyes 

- She can’t help but feel even more like the worst person in the world 

- She mumbles a quick apology and looks at the river instead 

- ‘its fine.’ You shrug. ‘you’ve been through a lot’ 

- ‘how do you know?’ 

- ‘i just do. but you will be okay cheryl, and don’t worry, you could never taint anything. i don’t think you’re capable of even leaving a trace of something bad.’ 

- She really wants to say something 

- But what the hell do you say to that? 

- And when she turns to face you, hoping the right words will find their way somehow 

- You’ve vanished 

- For a split second she thinks you’re a ghost 

- Its not the first time she’s had full on conversations with the dead 

- But then she hears a thud

- Followed by a groan and a small ‘ow’ 

- And it makes her laugh 

- Like properly laugh 

- The first she has in a while 

- She watches you stand and give her an awkward wave before actually disappearing 

- For the rest of the weekend you’re the only thing she can think of 

- By the time Monday rolls around she’s determined to find you 

- It can’t be hard 

- You’ve got to be a new student

- And Betty gives tours to all the newbies 

- She’ll just ask her 

- Thats easier said than done though

- She tried looking for her cousin before classes started 

- She even came in early 

- But no luck 

- So she has to wait until lunch time 

- And that makes her worry 

- By lunch time, you could have been told literally everything about her 

- How her brother was murdered by her father 

- How awful her mother is 

- She was almost assaulted 

- She attempted suicide 

- And she joined a cult 

- Just to name a few 

- Riverdale High is a breeding ground for rumours 

- Usually created by her 

- But they spread fast around here

- When lunch time rolls around, she’s sure you’re going to know how much of a train-wreck she actually is 

- Despite all of that though 

- Something inside her wills her to ask Betty about you 

- She then goes on to describe everything she remembers about you 

- Maybe in a little too much detail 

- ‘she had sparkly y/e/c eyes’ 

- ‘and y/c/h hair that framed her face in just the nicest way’ 

- ‘and her smile...it was wonderful’ 

- ‘...right. did you get a name?’

- ‘if i got her name do you really think i would be here right now?’ 

- ‘che-’ Betty is cut off by someone calling her name 

- The sound of it making Cheryl feel like she can’t breathe 

- She knows that voice 

- Even Betty’s name sounds nice when coming from her 

- From you

- But hold on

- You’re hugging Betty 

- Thats way too friendly for someone you’ve only known for half a day 

- ‘hi cheryl’ Your wave is less awkward than it was on Friday night, but your smile is just as cheerful as you look at the red head. 

- Okay, now she definitely doesn’t know what to say

- Betty quickly puts two and two together and smirk appears on her lips as she looks between the two of you 

- She has known about your small crush on Cheryl for a while 

- So she decides to help you out 

- ‘what were you saying about y/n’s smile? it was amazing? no! wonderful!’ 

- ‘shut up betty. i think your boyfriend wants you’ 

- She’s practically shooing Betty away and she mutters something under her breath but walks away anyway 

- Once she’s gone, Cheryl turns back to you and just stares at you 

- ‘so, you go here?’ 

- ‘yep?’ 

- ‘how long?’ She really doesn’t want to know the answer 

- ‘as long as you have’ You don’t seem annoyed when she looks at you 

- The opposite in fact

- You kind of look amused 

- ‘how have i not noticed you?’ 

- ‘you’ve been pre-occupied I suppose’ 

- ‘how can i make it up to you?’ 

- ‘notice me’ 

- ‘i’ve definitely already done that.’

- ‘take me to pops then’ 

- She never wanted to do something more

- But she’s torn 

- She wants to say no. To keep you safe from her and everything that come with being involved with a Blossom 

- But the way you’re looking at her makes her knees weak and her head dizzy 

- So she says yes 

- And its the best decision she’s ever made

- At first you take it slow 

- She’s been hurt before 

- And she’s hurt other 

- But something that makes it easier is the fact that you already know everything about her 

- Even if you were in the background during most of it 

- She’s so excited to get to know you

- One of the first things she learns is how you’ll do anything to make the people you love happy 

- Especially her 

- She’s quite literally never met anybody like you 

- You’re just so supportive of her 

- Nobody has ever treated her like that 

- So at first she doesn’t really know what to do 

- But then she remembers the night you met 

- And how you were so kind to her 

- Even though she didn’t know who you were 

- And she slowly starts to get used to it

- In return she learns how to be more supportive of others

- Something her friends are incredibly grateful for 

- To the actual supporting/happy bit because I kind of got a bit carried away 

- Whenever she’s sad 

- Whether it be because she’s missing Jason 

- Her mom/other family members have made an unwelcome appearance in her life 

- Someone has been rude to her 

- Or she’s just sad

- You will do literally anything and everything to make her smile 

- Cuddles? Hell yeah! 

- She wants to stay in bed all day? That sounds like an amazing day.

- She wants to watch her favourite film/tv show? Definitely

- ‘where do you keep your dvd’s?’ 

- ‘what century are you living in? you know there is a thing called the internet.’ 

- She wants her favourite food from Pops? You’re already out the door 

- You’ll go for drives around town while she tells you stories of her and Jason 

- Or you’ll let her teach your archery or some other weird hobby she has 

- Plus, you’ll tell her all the stupid jokes you know 

- Usually she laughs more out of pity than humour

- But it still counts 

- ‘sure it does babe’ 

- And if someone has made her angry 

- It doesn’t really take much

- But you’re working on it 

- You are 100% behind her if she wants to ruin their life (in moderation) 

- You go along with whatever crazy plan/scheme she’s though of that week

- She wants to start a business? Where do you sign? This is the best idea ever 

- Steal something from somebody thats wronged her? Where is the best place to buy spy-wear 

- Create a little chaos? You’ve already got three ideas planned out you just need her approval

- Its not just silly things either 

- She decides she wants to go to therapy (everybody in this town needs it, including Pop). You’ll go with her and wait outside of every single session if she wants you to. 

- You usually spend the time googling how to help her (she just thinks you spend the entire time on Instagram) 

- She wants to properly cut off her family (with the exception of Nana Rose and the twins). You 100% support her if thats what she wants

- As your relationship grows, so does your support 

- She’s literally never felt more loved than when she’s with you 

- And you make it a mission to make her feel like this for the rest of her life 

- Spoiler alert...you do

support my writing! if you want! 

[louisaland]

Gotcha! Reunited, Part 1

So here is the first part of my post Season 15 fic, where Hotch returns to Quantico, bumps into Penelope and they renew their friendship, which deepens into something more… I don’t know how to do the “Keep reading” cut off thing, sorry. Any ideas for an overall and chapter titles gratefully appreciated!

« Auntie Nellie-Pie! Auntie Nellie-Pie! »

Penelope swivelled around, eyes wide and mouth agape as she scanned the stationery aisle of the supermarket for the source of the voice which contrasted so sharply with the childlike nickname that nobody had called her for almost a decade.

Her eyes fell on a tall youth with green eyes, hair the colour of wet sand and a smile she would recognise anywhere, as it was accompanied by familiar dimples in his cheeks.

She promptly dropped the notebook she’d been examining as it dawned on her who the teenager was.

« Oh my goodness, it can’t be! But it is! Jackers! I thought I’d never see you again! »

Potential purchases forgotten on the floor, she rushed to embrace him.

« Oh, Aunt Penny, I’m glad to see you too, but I also enjoy breathing! » Jack exclaimed as she pulled back to cup his face after hugging him close.

«  Oh, sorry, sweetheart! It’s just been so long! You have no idea how devastated I was when your dad just vanished with you overnight. How is that dad of yours anyway? You probably get this all the time, but you look so much like him! »

« Yeah, dad’s fine. Old but fine! Are you still with the BAU? » he questioned.

« Oh no, I gave that up recently. Everyone decided to leave so I am now an IT freelancer. So much less gross than the cases I had to present to your dad and the team. You’re starting high school, right? » she inquired.

«  Yeah, going to be a freshman! Dad thought it best to stay where we were until I finished middle school, though we were both itching to come back-hey, Dad! Over here! » He signalled to his father who had reached the end of the aisle, with a look of concern etched upon his face.

« Hey, buddy, did you find what you nee-uh, Penelope! What a lovely surprise! »

Aaron’s jaw fell open and his eyes grew larger as he recognised the blonde woman wearing an outfit that looked like a parrot and a peacock had mated.

A second later, he was engulfed in a cloud of fair curls, glittery jewellery and an affectionate embrace.

« Hello Si…um, Hotch, sorry! » she chirped, wiping away the traces of scarlet lipstick from his cheek that she had impulsively kissed, as she pulled away from her former boss.

« It’s so good to see you! When you left without saying goodbye, which I completely understand, time was of the essence and your priority was and always should be your son, but I think you remember how well I handle change… » she trailed off, biting her lip as her eyes welled up and averting her gaze from his.

« If you’re still the same Penelope Garcia I knew back then, that would either be a) extremely badly or b) not at all » he replied, his tone full of affectionate teasing and a small smile playing on his lips, activating his dimple.

« Are you stil living in your apartment? » he asked.

« Indeed I am, I’m a creature of habit, Si… Sorry, I must stop calling you that! How about you, where are you and Jack staying? »

« We’ve found a house near the high school, not too far from Jess’s and close to my work. We’ll have to have you and the rest of the team for a housewarming. »

« Oh, that would be lovely! Rossi is up to his eyeballs in grandpa duties, as Joy had two more boys back-to-back, and he re-married Hayden a few years ago, JJ and Will moved back to New Orleans with my darling godsons, as Will has got a new job as head of the police force. Spencer is teaching at the university while also studying for degree number 563, Emily has settled in London, she does simultaneous translation for immigrants, Morgan is still in Chicago, he’s made a real name for himself doing house renovations and Savannah has just had a little girl called Charlotte. Tara’s training to teach psych at high school, she’s going to be awesome! Do you remember Matt Simmons? He’s opened a gym and Luke Alvez is a personal trainer there. As for me, I’m teaching coding classes at the community centre, being a freelance tech help person as well as giving internet safety talks in schools. How about you, former fearless leader? »

« I’ll be teaching law and criminology at the local university. I already noticed that Spencer’s going to be my colleague, so that will be interesting. It’s so great to hear everyone’s news, you really were the lynchpin that connected everyone. Look, you’ll have to come round for drinks and dinner to catch up properly-would Thursday evening at 8 suit you? »

« Sure, Sir, oops, Hotch! » she replied, eyes lighting up and a wide smile spreading across her face.

The two exchanged numbers and addresses before parting ways.

[elcorhamletlive]

Fandom: MCU (post-Avengers) Ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Tags: Fluff, Pining Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century summary:  As Steve discovers the internet, he also discovers old memes.

As Tony and Bruce climb out of the lab, the sound that echoes in the room is so foreign that it takes Tony a moment to realize it’s a laugh, and one more moment to realize it’s Steve’s.

At the top of the staircase, Tony sees him on the couch, and yeah, he’s laughing. Not politely chuckling or awkwardly forcing a laugh, mind you, but actually, genuinely having a belly laugh, complete with a pink flush all over his face, his eyes turning into tiny blue streaks as he wipes them with back of his hand, catching his breath.

It’s—well. It’s a vision, to be blunt.

“Sounds like you’re having fun,” Bruce says, and that’s the understatement of the year, because Steve looks downright delighted. He struggles to catch his breath, still grinning helplessly as he looks away from his phone.

“Oh,” he says, as if he’s just realized their presence. His flush deepens, Tony notices. Steve’s has kind of an ugly flush, that shows up in red spots coming up from his neck as well, instead of sticking prettily to his cheeks. Tony sticks his hands in his pockets to control his itch to touch it. “Hi.”

“Hey, Cap.” Clint throws himself on the couch next to him and leans, trying to take a pick at his phone. It’s rude, but Tony can’t really blame him, because he’s one step away from offering actual money to find out what made Steve laugh like that. “What are you looking at?”

Steve controls his grin into a more schooled smile, but he still perks up , and in a moment Tony is right behind the couch, leaning forward to place his hands over the cushion. From behind Steve’s broad, sculpted-by-the-Gods back, he catches a glimpse of a Twitter feed.

“I was trying to learn how to use, hmm—Twitter, right?” He pronounces it correctly, which really shouldn’t make Tony want to kiss him in congratulations, but it absolutely does. “And I found this, this page…” His face twists in an effort not to laugh. “You’re not gonna believe it. Here, I’ll show you. You guys need to see this.” He holds up the phone a little higher for Tony and Bruce to see.

As he types – a little slower than most people would – a name into the search bar, Tony’s heart kind of breaks.

“It’s genius,” Steve says, as the account opens. “I was just looking at this one—”

“Wait,” Clint interrupts. “Are you serious?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks, with a little frown between his eyebrows that Tony’s hand itches to smooth it out. “I know it seems silly, but it’s really funny.” He turns, and, at Clint’s gaze, grows more indignant. “The pictures are very good and the captions are really creative.”

“I know,” Clint says bluntly. “It’s Dog Rates, Cap. They have over eight million followers. It’s a huge account. Everyone knows it.”

Steve’s frown vanishes, but it’s replaced by something a lot worse: surprise, and then a clear, raw disappointment that he does his best to mask. His posture deflates, his hand going to the back of his neck, rubbing it.

“Oh,” he says, and he’s back to his usual man-out-of-time voice, probably feeling old and stupid, the excitement from before already a distant memory.

It’s legitimately like someone turned off the sun. So, really, nobody can blame Tony for saying, “I didn’t know it.”

Steve looks at him. “Really?”

“Really?” Clint asks, a thousand times more skeptical, and Tony gestures flippantly at him.

“Not all of us have free time to troll on Twitter, Barton,” he says. Then he turns to Steve, who’s watching him with wide blue eyes that almost make him forget how to form words. “So? What’s all the fuss about?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve says, a hesitant smile already blooming on his face. He turns further to show his phone exclusively to Tony, signaling for him to lean further so their heads are closer, which isn’t a configuration Tony minds, at all. “See, it’s very simple – they post a picture, and give it a rate. At first, I thought it seemed a little harsh, because, really, which dog should ever get a low rate, right? But, see—all their rates start out at ten.”

He proceeds to show some of his favorite posts. Tony’s seen them all, either from following the account or from random dog memes Rhodey sends him sometimes, but he plays along, ooooh- ing and ­ awwwww -ing at the right moments, and in no time Steve is grinning again, glad to be explaining something to someone else for a change, feeling in the loop.

Some people could say what Tony’s doing is lying, but he disagrees, because he isn’t faking it at all when he grins back.

-

After Steve finds out Dog Rates, it doesn’t take him long to find Thoughts of Dog, which he finds even more delightful. He shows it to Tony during breakfast, sitting next to him on the counter as they go through the tweets together.

“This is amazing,” Steve says. He’s at that stage where it seems like his cheeks hurt from smiling. Tony thinks he should look like this more often. Maybe all the time. “When they explained it at SHIELD, I thought the internet was more of a tool, like a huge encyclopedia. And obviously, it is, but it didn’t occur to me it could be…”

“Fun?” Tony asks.

Steve looks at him and smiles. Tony is quite fond of that sequence of events.

“Yeah,” he says. When he smiles like that, a dimple shows up in his cheek.

Tony isn’t even a dog person, but it couldn’t matter less.

-

Steve eventually expands his knowledge of animal memes and pages to include cats, which means Tony starts receiving lots of videos that were, at one point, considered the pinnacle of internet humor, with cats playing piano and sliding over wood floors.

Steve finds out about Grumpy Cat a few hours before he learns she’s dead. In between, he texts Tony a bunch of pictures of her with a message reading “this is how you look at morning team meetings”.

Tony honest-to-God giggles, because, really, he’s a lost cause.

A few moments afterwards, he receives a lengthy message of Steve saying he just found the cat in the picture had died, but she had apparently lived a long and happy life and so he hoped Tony wouldn’t be sad by finding this out.

Since Tony doesn’t immediately answer (because there’s a marching band leading what is apparently an eternal fourth of July parade in his chest), Steve then apologizes for sending the memes in the first place, and, look—if nobody sees Tony sighing, nobody can prove anything, regardless of what the dopey smile on his face might suggest.

-

On a remarkable occasion, Steve sends in a “important Avenger news – waiting for your thoughts, Iron Man” e-mail, and, when Tony opens it, he’s rick-rolled in front of his entire office.

“This is the cringiest shit I’ve ever seen,” Clint, who’s there to get suit upgrades, says.

“Shut up,” Tony says.

“SHIELD has informed him we think it’s best if he doesn’t have a Twitter account,” Natasha, who’s there to have lunch with Pepper, says, and even through her supreme spy training Tony can tell she has to try hard to keep an even expression. “For his… reputation.”

“Oh, shut up,” Tony repeats. “It would only make him more popular, and you know it.”

Natasha shrugs with a knowing smile. “To some people, maybe.”

Tony looks away, his face heating.

-

Eventually, Steve confronts him about it.

They’re on the couch, right after what wasn’t exactly a date, but also wasn’t definitely not a date either—Steve had said he was hungry, and Tony had asked if he wanted to get dinner, but then Steve said “sure, there’s pasta in the fridge”, and they had ended up eating in the living room, plates full of large portions of heated up pasta from lunch (which, against all odds, tasted really good).

Now they’re on the same couch, bodies lax and full of carbs, and sitting pretty close to each other already, although Tony does take advantage of any opportunity to slip a little closer. They’re watching as Steve scrolls through a series of images on his phone, all historical pictures or paintings with a photoshopped, photobombing squirrel.

Tony chuckles, because he barely remembers this one, and because Steve seems happy and relaxed and this makes it easier for him to laugh.

“How come you don’t know any of these things?” Steve asks with a raised eyebrow. “You work with tech.”

“Machines don’t make memes,” Tony says. Then, after a second, he adds: “At least not good ones.”

“Your profile is one of the most followed of all time on Twitter and Instagram,” Steve counters.

“Wow, okay—cyber-stalking much?” Tony replies, which makes Steve’s cheeks grow a little pink, but he doesn’t seem too embarrassed, just a little shy as he opens a small smile. Tony takes the opportunity to nest a little closer.

“I was just looking,” Steve says, his eyes landing on the point of contact between his and Tony’s shoulders. They’re so close now they’re basically leaning against each other, and Tony is about to retreat and mumble an excuse to leave and save himself the embarrassment, when Steve adds: “It’s nice. That—that you don’t mind me sharing things.” Then, to Tony’s bafflement, he comes closer and leans his head on Tony’s shoulder. “There’s so much to catch up on. Sometimes it’s nice to—to feel like I’m in the loop for a change.”

There’s a knot in Tony’s throat, and yet his body is reeling, completely taken by the warmth of Steve’s frame cuddled up against him.

There must be something in Steve’s eyes, too – something more than what his words say, something brighter and warmer that’s almost blinding as he stares at Tony, something that makes Tony confident enough to lean forward and press a kiss on the top of Steve’s head.

“No problem,” he muffles against Steve’s hair.

Steve hums pleasantly and then asks Tony if he’s seen the world’s fastest skateboarding bulldog yet.

Of course, Tony hasn’t.

[valehirvas]

Hello, just came across your blog. I've been on testosterone for over a year and a half, and I'm considering stopping eventually to preserve my health, even though it's helped my with my dysphoria, and I feel a lot more comfortable with my body as it is now compared to pre-transition. Any advice, since you've gone through something similar according to your bio? From your experience, what changes revert back? Thanks for your time!

Hey! This is going to be long, bear with me.

Great to hear your dysphoria is better and you’re doing well. Honestly, this course has been very good for me personally. For brief background, I always expected to stop HRT after getting permanent changes from it, because the health risks like cancer and heart disease sounded like a bad tradeoff for essentially nothing in the long run, but it did surprise me that I had to stop early due to the health problems HRT was giving me, both mental and physical.

So in total, I’ve been on HRT for four years: I took two years off it in the middle because of the effect on my mental health, and then went back on when I was more stable, switched from gel to injections and stuck to it for another two years before I started losing hair, at which point I made the decision to quit permanently. I’ve now been off for some three years total.

For changes, I was pretty far into masculinization at that point. I had increased hair growth everywhere, although by genetics I was never set to become very hairy. Also by genetics I was doomed to have shitty facial hair growth, so I only ever managed to grow a couple dozen beard hairs under my chin. My voice dropped very low quite fast, and my friends say it’s lower than most men they know, although I’m personally deaf to how it sounds as it’s always just been “my voice” to me. My body fat had completely redistributed, I was thick in the middle and my face was angular, and within my own demographic I was usually read as male. And as said, I was losing hair, particularly from the top of my head, which was most unwelcome to me personally, lol. So I made the decision to stop there.

In terms of mental wellbeing, testosterone always had a shitty effect on my anxiety and paranoia; it masculinized my depression and made it more active instead of passive, leading to anger and anxiety rather than sadness. Other than that I felt very good about myself and overall had a positive experience with T, even though it (combined with binding) caused me various unexplained health issues like trouble swallowing, muscle tension and such, which, like mentioned above, were high on the list of reasons I quit and have to be mentioned as “effects” of the treatment.

Backstory over, so, I quit T.

What happened first was my hair literally just fell off all at once. Yay? This is apparently normal, based on my extensive research on male-pattern baldness prevention online; when you start taking DHT blockers (or cease injecting testosterone into your muscles), the damaged hair on your head just dies off and gets replaced by new, healthy hair. I shed like shit, I’m not going to lie, I had short hair but when I went to take a shower my palms would be covered in hair when I ran them through my head. So I shaved it all off, problem solved(?). Like promised by the Internet, my hair did grow back more healthy, and I was no longer losing any afterwards. At three years in I have a normal head of hair.

Second, my periods came back. Based on my previous experience on stopping T, periods coming back is shit, not because nobody likes them but because your body’s fucked up from the treatment. First time around I had horrible cramps for a couple months - pretty much non-stop through the entire period, debilitating and just awful, way worse than I had in my teens. Second time around no cramping but I literally just bled buckets. I had a large-sized mooncup, but I had to empty it hourly instead of every 8 hours like recommended, and I would still bleed through it. Like there was just so much fucking blood everywhere. I had to leave work for it, it was that bad. So be prepared for your periods to be fucked up afterwards. I was warned repeatedly by gynos that they’ll probably not come back after stopping T, but they always did, and after a couple months they went back to being regular and normal again. Three years after T I have a normal cycle, pretty much the same it was pre-T, with less cramping due to my age compared to when they stopped the first time when I was still pretty young.

Third, my body hair calmed down. I lost the hair on my chest entirely, my neckbeard had slowed down to the point where I don’t bother shaving it more than once in three months or so, my unibrow vanished, and my whiskers grew lighter. My arm hair has gone back to being relatively invisible. My leg hair and thigh hair is still thick, which I like. Brows still thick, which I like.

Fourth, body fat redistribution. You have to lose and gain weight for this to happen, so it may be faster or slower depending on your lifestyle, but essentially your new body fat distributes in a female pattern whereas your old fat burns from the male pattern. My waist is back and my hips are wide. Breasts are way fuller, even though nobody needed that. Face is round. I still retain some angularity to my jaw but essentially back to babyface for me at three years in.

Fifth, voice. My voice is still low range masculine,

but reaching higher pitches is much easier, and my voice overall has softened and regained range in general. Nobody else has picked up on it, but I’ve noticed, especially within the past year, my voice becoming much more versatile and in general higher and more feminine. Obviously, as imaged, this doesn’t affect the average range of my voice, but it is noticeable.

I’ve done plenty of voice training for my safety (sometimes I get questioned in female bathrooms, for example) so this is not just the effects of T alone, but here’s an example of the ease in which I can reach a passable female voice three years off T:

Sixth, TMI and sad, but I no longer have a dick. It’s gone. I’m back to square one in that field. Luckily I don’t suffer penis envy, I just really liked the growth both aesthetically and in terms of it being on my body. I really, really liked it. Safe to say I never had much to begin with, but it was quite significant in comparison to what I have now. Bye, dick. You are dearly missed.

Health-wise, I’m doing much better! I no longer experience issues with swallowing, my muscles are feeling much better especially with regular exercise, and I don’t have unexplainable physical symptoms that leave my doctors shrugging in confusion. My mental health is also excellent, but it’s worth noting this has a lot to do with external factors as well, such as escaping abuse for a major contributing factor. However, it’s also due to active practice in merging together my fractured self in terms of embracing my female reality instead of trying to live as a male in whole. Finding that balance has been a big help in alleviating the dysphoria I dealt with upon quitting T. I feel really good in my skin now, with the permanent changes T has provided me together with my healthier body, so I can safely say this has been a good choice for me overall.

Tl;dr: Post-T Edition

Things that changed for me: body hair lessened, balding stopped and hair grew back, voice became more versatile, physical and mental health improved, beard growth slowed down to fuck all, regained a round face and hourglass figure, boobs filled up, bottom growth went back to 0

Things that didn’t change: normal speaking voice is still deep as shit, leg hair growing strong, brow game bushy, still have whiskers, people keep questioning my presence in female bathrooms and nobody tries to sell me makeup, dysphoria doing good.

Overall: I’m in a good place, yo.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Car Club Orange (teaser)

Have a 500 word teaser. I’m gonna try to finish this, but we’ll see how the internet and children cooperate. Yo...you know who you are. This is your fault. I love you. Drive safe. Muah! Also there are swear words here but purchasing a car is never done unless you’ve cussed at least a few times so bah. Deal with the language.

Katniss bites down on her thumb nail and nods along as the salesman goes on and on about options and the new transmission they put it. She only half listens to him backtrack to explain that there’s nothing wrong per se with the design or manufacture of the transmission, just the previous owner was a clunky shifter and a lead foot, and tore it to pieces. She only half listens because she’s stuck on the color.

Orange. Bright fucking orange.

She wouldn’t go so far as to call it traffic cone orange but it sure as shit isn’t the soft burnt orange or maybe even sienna she was expecting based on the pictures online. This is car painted to scream “LOOK AT ME!”

Which means Katniss would rather die than buy this car. Couldn’t they have her ideal car in a soft shade of silver? Nobody notices silver cars. Mainly because there’s just so many of them, but partly because they just sort of seem to fade into the background, unimportant and unnoticed. Completely forgettable, which is exactly what Katniss prefers to be most of the time.

“So, what are we thinking?” The sales guy ask and Katniss cringes.

“Can we have a minute?” Prim asks, and Katniss is grateful for her sister’s interference.

“Sure thing. I’ll be right inside. Holler if you need me.”

A few mumbled “Thanks” from the girls and he vanishes. Katniss is still stuck on the color. She’s not sure she’s even going to get over it.

“Well,” Prim says and Katniss snorts. 

“It’s...it’s…” Katniss waves her hands uselessly at the thing. “I’m gonna need polarized lenses just to be able to look at it in the parking lot!”

“Maybe it reduces the chances of someone cutting you off?” Prim tries to soothe her. Katniss sighs and crosses her arms.

“I really have no choice though.”

“We could go back to--”

“The maintenance I’ll have to put into that piece of shit make it not worth my while,” Katniss cuts her sister off before she can even suggest they go back to the other dealer, the one that had this exact same car in a much more soothing shade of green. Only it also had a laundry list of things needing to be done to it to make it drivable, a list thicker than the paperwork needed for the loan. “No, I need a car sooner than that. Now.”

She starts her new job next week and her decades old reliable Jeep that used to belong to her father finally died last week. It’s been am insane week trying to manage transportation around her work schedule with her three random jobs and Prim’s with her rotations at the clinic. Maybe if the city had slightly less terrifying public transportation she’d be okay using it to come home from the bar at three in the morning, but since it doesn’t and she’s already had about five too many close calls when the Jeep went haywire and she had to rely on the trains anyways….

“Nope. It has to be this one.” It’s the only one in town that’s the right make, model, used but with reasonable mileage and a not terrifying CarFax history, the options she wants, for a price she can actually afford for once...as long as she doesn’t get fired from her new job within the first week. “Maybe I can paint it in a few months,” Katniss says.

“Maybe wait to see how easy it is to find in a parking lot,” Prim teases. “Besides...you don’t wanna hurt his feelings.”

Katniss snorts again, rolling her eyes at her baby sister’s insistence that cars have personalities and feelings, like they’re living beings or something, and waves at the salesman. “Let’s get this over with.”

***********************

[lusilly]

what laughter is to childhood

i’ve been meaning to finish a very very short piece about damian being 16 years old and thinking he’s Super Smart for some time now. will post to ao3 tomorrow. dami/irey cuteness. enjoy!

---

           In the early morning, an alarm went off on the phone on Damian’s bedside table. Behind the blackout curtains of his room, dawn was only just beginning to break outside. In an instant Irey was up, swiping the phone off the table and silencing the alarm.

           Groggily, Damian turned over to wrap his arms around his girlfriend’s waist. She giggled and returned the embrace, holding him about his shoulders. His face buried in her neck, he murmured, “It’s too early.”

           She kissed the top of his head. “I know,” she replied, sympathetically. “This is a lot easier at the Tower, huh?”

           Still pressed against her shoulder he let out a small sigh, and a moment later she vanished, leaving his arms empty and his bed cold. Damian rolled over once more, drawing the covers up around his bare chest, and went back to sleep.

           An hour or so later – Damian always slept fitfully in the mornings after Irey left – he got out of bed, heading first to the bathroom. After his shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and then carefully inspected the very obvious marks along his neck and collarbone. He took a few selfies on Snapchat and sent them to Irey, captioned, Today’s damage.

           Her reply consisted mainly of a number of emojis and lots of exclamation points. A little later she sent a selfie of herself in the bathroom mirror, her own towel wrapped around her waist. One arm draped across her chest to preserve her modesty (not that it was difficult; Iris had very little to show in that department), the photo was captioned, Im clean…try harder next time.

           Iris’s superspeed meant that any marks he left on her skin were gone before they even formed, but Damian liked the challenge. As they texted, Damian carefully dabbed concealer over the marks along his neck, though he didn’t bother with the one lower down his chest. Nobody would see it, anyway.

           This game he and Irey played would only continue to be fun if they could manage to keep it a secret, so Damian meticulously covered up any visible evidence of lovebites, careful to make it look as natural as possible. Not that it was likely his father would be suspicious – the Batman didn’t think any speedster could get past the sensors set up around Wayne Manor. He had no clue how fast Iris was. Apart from Damian nobody in the world knew how fast she was, and even Damian, constrained to the normal laws of physics, stranger to the Speed Force, could never fully comprehend her true power. Keeping a secret of this magnitude together was thrilling. The fact that it helped her sneak into the house so they could spend time together after hours was just a plus.

           Downstairs, Alfred was already preparing breakfast. Like he did on many mornings, Damian went about critiquing his choices. “I don’t like smoked salmon,” Damian insisted, standing in the refrigerator door, inspecting a package of the stuff. “I don’t know why you still insist on buying it.”

           “If I recall,” Alfred replied patiently, “last week you positively devoured it.”

           “That was lox,” Damian retorted. “Lox and smoked salmon are two completely different things.”

           “Are they really?” asked Alfred mildly, fully aware of the slight culinary differences between the two products, and also aware that Damian never seemed to notice unless he inspected the packaging before being served. “Why, I had no idea.”

           “Lox isn’t smoked at all,” continued Damian, digging his hand into the produce drawer to withdraw a handful of loose grapes. Popping one after the other into his mouth, he took a seat at the counter. “It’s cured, but not smoked. It’s saltier, and I don’t like that smoked taste, it makes it taste off.”

           Damian didn’t like a great many things, but it helped immensely when he could sit here, in the kitchen, and watch Alfred prepare his food. He even schmeared his own bagel, like a big boy. “Pineapple or kiwi?” asked Alfred, of Damian’s daily protein-boosted fruit smoothie.

           “Pineapple,” answered Damian, through a mouthful of bagel. His favorite lately. He swallowed the bagel, then added, “I don’t like kiwi, I’ve told you that.”

           He’d decided he hadn’t liked kiwi a few months ago, when Dick had visited for a few days and pushed Damian into near hysterics by taking a bite out of a kiwi whole, as if it were an apple. Dick insisted the fiber was good for you. Damian had countered that the fiber intake derived from kiwi skins was negligible at best, unless you ate about thirty kiwis at a time. Dick had taken that as a personal challenge.

           “I shall have to replace kiwi in our rotation, then,” agreed Alfred smoothly, as the blender whirred. “Perhaps something more exciting than oranges. Grapefruit?”

           “I can’t have grapefruit,” said Damian, scrolling through something on his phone.

           This wasn’t true, as Alfred was acutely aware of all the medications Damian was currently on, and all their various interactions. But he wouldn’t argue. “Papaya, perhaps?”

           “I like mango,” offered Damian, as Alfred placed his smoothie in front of him. “Iris’s mother makes incredible mango juice.” Iris’s mother bought mango juice in cartons from Whole Foods for $7.99, but Damian didn’t know that.

           As Alfred busied himself with making breakfast for himself – Bruce would not be up for another hour yet, at which time he could forage for his own meal – he asked, “And how is young Miss West, I might ask?”

           “She’s well,” answered Damian, taking an exploratory sip of the smoothie, then setting it down once more, apparently pleased. “Well,” he amended, “technically speaking, she’s grounded, so not as well as usual.”

           “Did something happened?”

           “She and her brother had an argument. I can sympathize, having argued with a fair number of brothers in my lifetime.” All sixteen years and three quarters of it.

           “Which resulted in her becoming grounded?” Alfred made a face, impressed. “Perhaps we should have tried that method with you, when you were younger.”

           “I believe you did,” Damian pointed out. “And as far as I recall, it didn’t work.”

           Alfred asked, “Does it work for her?”

           Damian didn’t answer. When Alfred turned around to breakfast with Damian, neither of them said anything. “Why wouldn’t it?” asked Damian, as Alfred took a sip of his own smoothie.

           “Merely a question,” Alfred murmured, turning to his bagel with a sigh.

           Later that day, Damian worked on an assignment from a teacher Bruce had commissioned with whom he communicated remotely – that is, he holed up in his room, door closed, music turned up just loud enough to drown out the noise from beyond his own space. Though by the nature of the computer networks in the house Bruce could at any moment peek at whatever internet activity his son was taking, he generally refrained from doing so. They had promised some years ago that they would try to set normal boundaries, even in such abnormal circumstances. So when an alert lit up that informed Bruce that Damian had enabled a rudimentary network masking program – a sort of glorified ‘Private Browser’ – Bruce just quietly silenced the notification, well aware that his son was, in fact, a normal teenager.

           Before patrol, Damian joined his father in the Batcave for some light training. In a specialized suit which recorded his every movement and vital signs, he executed maneuvers in the simulation room exquisitely, more perfect than any of the boys had ever been. More perfect than Bruce had ever been. Damian rivaled Cassandra in all ways except for his reliance on brute force, whereas Cass would always default towards the simplest option, the way to beat her opponent as easily and effortlessly as possible.

           The effort was part of the thrill, for Damian. When the sim dropped, Damian breathed ragged breaths, grinning up at the camera through which he knew his father was watching. “Is that all you’ve got?” he called, taunting.

           Bruce mic’d in. “Enough for tonight,” he said shortly. “You’re on patrol in an hour. Get some rest.”

           With a sigh, Damian exited the sim room. Before he went to shower or change his clothes, he picked up his phone, which had buzzed with several notifications whilst he was training. Bruce went back to work on the Batcomputer.

           After a few minutes, an alert popped up on the screen: Damian’s suit was registering a spike in heartrate.

           Bruce frowned, then clicked to open a camera feed to the place Damian had left his phone. And sure enough, Damian still stood there, his eyes glued to his phone, which he was very obviously trying to hide, to shield from whatever prying camera eyes may be found over the Cave.

           He lifted the phone in front of him, catching his face, tapping the screen. He opened his mouth. Bruce frowned again, then zoomed in with the security camera. On his son’s phone, two years and a doggy mouth were superimposed over his face, the tongue wagging when Damian opened his mouth.

           Damian then made a very crass gesture with two of his fingers, and Bruce turned the feed off very quickly. Raising a teenager was exhausting.

           Rather than the showers in the Cave, Damian generally prepared to venture back up into the house in his gear and use the shower in his own room. Bruce didn’t mind this; none of the boys had ever been as fastidious as Damian was about maintaining their identity and separating home life and Batcave life, and none had ever been as finicky about the hygiene of shared bathing spaces as Damian had, so no harm, no foul. In a very good mood, Damian came bounding downstairs with his hair still damp, ready for patrol.

           As the three of them gathered for the only shared meal of the day, something light but nutritious before patrol, Damian chatted excitably about his ongoing missions, the assignments he was working on, the Titans, the new designs he was work on. “Lian showed me how to cross stitch and now we’re all at it, all hours of the day,” he babbled, running his hand through his damp hair. “I can’t explain it, perhaps if it were knitting and we were – you know – creating something, it would make more sense for all of us to be so set upon it, but really we’re just making moons and flowers and things. I should speak to her about finding new designs,” he continued absently, rubbing at a sore spot on his neck. “Did you know, she says you can stitch them onto pillows, or something?” Distantly, he wondered, “Maybe Dick would like a pillow for his birthday.”

           “I’m sure he would,” agreed Alfred. Bruce grunted, scanning through the Gazette. “Damian,” added Alfred.

           Without looking up from his food, Damian answered, “Hn?”

           There was a pause. Alfred let out a gentle cough. Damian looked up.

           Alfred met his gaze. Then, pointedly, he glanced towards Damian’s neck, at the spot he’d just been rubbing. For a second Damian was confused, then he froze stock still. Slowly, he looked down at his hand – and saw a patch of concealer rubbed off on his fingers, which had not yet fully dried.

           Wide-eyed, Damian looked back up at Alfred, then, without turning his head, glanced sidelong at his father. Alfred offered him a little smile, then he held up his mug. “Would you mind terribly fetching me a spot of tea, Damian?”

           “Yes,” said Damian instantly, seizing the mug and the opportunity. “Of course. One moment.” Then, calmly, measuredly, he walked out of the dining room.

           Once past the threshold, he dashed up the stairs three at a time, sprinting to his bedroom to safely reapply concealer onto his neck.

           Bruce sipped his coffee, eyes still focused on the newspaper.

           “Bruise or a hickey?” he asked.

           Waiting for Damian to return with his tea, Alfred replied, “The latter, I’m afraid.”

           “I’ll need to speak to Wally about this, of course,” muttered Bruce, inspecting a particular article that caught his eye. “Can’t have her roughing him up too badly every night.”

           “Puppy love, sir. Happened to them all.”

           “Cassandra never gave me this trouble.”

           “Or, as we well know, she’s simply more competent than her brothers.”

           Finally Bruce looked up, frowning at Alfred as he sipped from his coffee mug.

           Then he sighed, returning to the newspaper. “Just as long as he’s using protection.”

           It was then that Damian returned, barreling into the room breathing far too evenly, his eyes too round and paranoid. “Here,” he said, setting the cup of tea down before Alfred. “With lemon, as you like it.”

           “Thank you,” said Alfred graciously.

           “You’ll be on your usual route tonight,” Bruce told Damian, setting the newspaper down. “I might have Spoiler join you.”

           “Isn’t Stephanie too busy for nightly patrol?”

           “Yes,” agreed Bruce. “But I’m sure she’ll make an exception.” He got to his feet, dishes in hand. “Understood?”

           “Yes,” said Damian immediately, with a nod. “Understood.”

           As Alfred watched his boys drive off into the night, he let out a quiet sigh.

           They grow up so fast.

[ecotone99]

[HR] The Girl with the Blue Balloon

Under the moonlight of a waxing crescent, a little girl stood at a long abandoned train station, with a blue balloon in her hands. By all appearances, she was waiting for something or someone.

I came across her just standing there and approached her carefully.

"Hey," I said, "Where's your mom or dad?"

She turned to look at me briefly. Her hazel eyes were slightly too big for her small face. "They'll be here any minute."

I noticed that she had been looking at the tracks, as if she was expecting a train to come through any second. I sincerely hoped that that wasn't the case. The train hadn't run through this station in decades.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing at me.

It took me a second for me to realize she was pointing at the camera around my neck. I'd gotten so used to it being there that half the time I don't even realize I have it. "Oh. This is my camera."

"You like to take pictures?" she asked me.

"I do," I said. "In fact, is it all right if I take your picture right now?" I figured that it would be best to have picture of her just in case she ran off or something. Then I could give it to the police in case she was a missing or runaway child.

She nodded her head.

I lifted up the camera and snapped a picture. She barely blinked at the intense flashing of the camera. She didn't smile or even attempt to make a funny face. She kept her same stoic facial expression.

"Can I see it?" she asked.

"Sorry," I said. "This isn't a digital camera. It uses film. I won't know what the photos look like until I get the film developed."

I couldn't tell her if her next facial expression was one of disappointment or confusion, but it was one of those two. Regardless she pressed the matter no further.

I tried to find a way to make small talk so as for there to not be an awkward silence. And while I didn't feel right leaving this little girl all by herself, I also knew better than to ask her if I could stay with her until her parents arrived. So, I said, "You know, that's a really cute balloon."

The little girl looked up at it. "Yes, it is," was all she said.

"Where'd you get it?"

"The grocery store."

"You like balloons?"

She shrugged. "Not really. They're alright."

I tried not to let the bafflement show on my face. "Then why are you holding the balloon?"

"Because my parents told me that was how they would find me. They told me that as long as I was holding a blue balloon, that they would be able to find me so that I could go home with them."

I frowned. This was very strange. What kind of a parent would tell their kid to wait in an abandoned train station this late at night, and told them that they'd find her simply because she was holding a blue balloon? Something wasn't sitting right with me about this at all.

I surreptitiously reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I knew that this was probably the time to get the police involved, but I also didn't want to scare the girl. So, I turned my back ever so slightly to her, so that she couldn't see, and I was about to phone the police when I noticed that there was no signal. Which wasn't a surprise considering we were quite far outside the city limits.

I turned back towards her, planning on telling her that I would be right back and needed to make an important private call, but when I did, the little girl, and the balloon had vanished completely.

My first thought was panic, but then the realization fully hit me. I had only turned my back on her for two or three seconds. How on Earth had she managed to disappear so quickly without making a lick of noise? I rubbed my eyes vigorously, wondering if what I had just seen was some kind of vivid hallucination.

I fruitlessly searched the nearby area for about 10 minutes without finding a single, solitary trace that the girl had ever been there.

I immediately headed back and had the film developed that night. To my surprise, the one I had taken of the little girl had come out beautifully. I couldn't tell you if I was relieved at this, or if I was even more shaken up.

I took the photos down to the station and explained my story. There were skeptical, not surprisingly, but I did give them the photos they asked for. They told me thanks and that they'd contact me if there were any developments.

The only call I got from the police was them calling and asking a few days later if I wanted my photos back. I said that I did. When I asked them where they were in finding out what had happened, they simply said they were still looking. I haven't heard back from them since.

This incident happened several months ago. I periodically checked the Internet to see if there were any developments in the story, but none ever did. In fact, the story didn't seem to gain any significant traction at all. Nobody, at least not anyone credible, ever came forward with the little girl's identity, or claiming to be the girl's family, or even another sighting.

Eventually, I gave up looking. I had lost hope that I would ever find out who she was, what had happened to her parents, and what had happened to her.

It was only when I was flipping through those photos on a whim a few days ago that I noticed something different. On one photo that I had taken a few minutes before my encounter with the little girl, I realized that in the photo, you could see a section of the train track far in the distance. Only I just now noticed that there appeared to be a shadow of what looked like a train sitting atop the track.

I turned to the very next photo taken about 15 seconds later of the same angle. The shadowy outline of a train was not as easily distinguishable this time, due to the photo quality not being as great, but I could still make it out. Only this time, the train was not in the same spot as it had been in the previous photo.

The train had moved forward.

submitted by /u/jsrrayburn [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2MtWcXe

[caretaker-au]

don’t let strangers emotionally manipulate you on the internet

(legitimate trigger warning for suicide threats and the like)

in a small departure from our usual content, we wanted to just give our followers a heads up in case any of you ever happen to deal with “autumn anon” -- aka yellowninjaleopard. the only reason we found it relevant to do so is because we’ve noticed her targeting other blogs now, and we fear for what will come of the kindness of those bloggers (particularly if they happen to be young and ill equipped to deal with emotional blackmail).

this should go without saying, but don’t harass autumn anon. don’t be a dick. just ignore, or at the very least be wary. it seems that autumn anon is a girl in her teens, so please take that into consideration.

we’ve dubbed her “autumn anon” because she constantly spams us with asks about her oc, autumn (and occasionally, her oc, jasmine). as she was on anon, we made a public post asking her kindly to stop spamming our inbox, which you can see here. as a result, we received a disproportionate response, in which she tried to guilt trip us. we’ve tried blocking her over and over and over, but she finds a way to evade our blocks and continues her crusade on our inbox.

here’s a very small glimpse of some of the asks we’ve received from her since those previously linked posts:

beyond that, she keeps coming to my streams to harass me and anyone else just trying to watch in peace. she constantly makes new guest accounts to evade bans. we convinced her to make a tumblr account so that she could post to her blog instead of spamming us, but she just did both instead. 

we tried ignoring her for months, then we asked her to stop, then we started an open dialogue hoping to convince her to stop, and nothing worked. now we are back to trying to ignore her, and it’s at the point where we’re receiving stuff like this for not responding:

autumn anon (aka yellowninjaleopard aka leah) also does this thing where she rps having a twin sister called laura. laura is her excuse to be malicious and cruel to people while taking zero responsibility, saying everything is laura’s fault. also, she’s threatening to make a murder-suicide pact with her alter ego "laura." i wish i was kidding.

so we thought if we just ignored her for long enough, she’d go away, but things are progressively getting worse and worse.

she told us about her youtube conversations, which proved she’s been harassing someone who hasn’t responded to her for at least eight months. eight months. she claimed she was this person’s best friend because they rp’d in youtube comments sometimes. that person has since vanished off youtube and no longer uploads videos.

it’s bad enough that autumn anon is still uploading videos asking about the “best friend” in the descriptions.

may 13, 2018. 

normally we wouldn’t care too much what a teenager does with her spare time, but to say autumn anon is persistent would be an understatement. she lies, she guilt trips, she manipulates. she threatens to kill herself if you don't reply to her. if you refuse to accommodate her, she'll accuse you of putting her in the hospital because of "stress fever." if you ignore her for any length of time, she’ll repeatedly send messages which get progressively more distressing. what we’ve shown above barely scratches the surface.

we were going to keep this all to ourselves, until we noticed that she has started contacting other content creators. we’re concerned she will contact people who are susceptible to emotional manipulation or suicide mentions. nobody deserves to have this kind of stuff thrown in their face over and over.

what you choose to do with this information is ultimately up to you. just be wary, and don’t give in to her threats and the fact that she holds herself hostage. this is manipulation. this is cruel. this is completely without any justification.

[callmebliss]

Someone broke my teacup and nobody will confess

I have an illness that the Urgent Care called a “cold” (quotation marks and all) and yet for it they prescribed antibiotics, steroids, and a cough medicine with hydrocodone in it

Finally took all the quilts to the laundromat and one quilt took a half hour longer than everything else to dry

and also the dryer went Out Of Order in the middle of it so I had to spend extra quarters

Got home and discovered that because I had to carry down my giant quilt that SALM uses (the one that refused to dry) and my own quilt and couchmonsterblanket in two separate trips, I actually forgot my own quilt and blanket, so now I am the only one in the house who has to sleep in dirty fucking blankets

Also discovered that someone broke my new-to-me black vintage bone china teacup, snapped the handle right off, and left it on the cutting board without confessing, apologizing, or setting it up to make it look like a knife was slicing through the handle just for LOLs

While wandering JoAnn Fabrics looking for the right epoxy to fix it, my phone blew up from my G+ folks with notices that Google Plus, which has been my go-to internet social place since its first week in operation, where I built friendships and loves and professional network connections, where I rediscovered, rebuilt, and reinvented myself after leaving my ex, which has been an integral part of my daily life for over seven years...is shutting down. I spent untold minutes wandering the affixtive, beading, and yarn aisles, with epoxy still in my hands, crying and looking for something else to spend money on, and found nothing that was right. Then I found what looked like a pack of calligraphy nibs and was delighted until I realized they were only decorative - they all lacked that required split that lets the ink run down to the tip. The poor girl at the register went into the standard patter of “Hi, how are you today? :) :) :)” and all I could do was shake my head and try to not cry on the credit card reader

Got home, started making dinner, went to take the above-mentioned cough medicine which I had been putting off since noon because Driving While Opiated is not a good idea, and discovered that while it was on the table where I left it, and the prednisone, the box of antibiotics had completely. fucking. vanished. Found it in the recycling bin buried in the middle of a bunch of Daughterchild’s old school papers; apparently they must have gotten set down on the table by her or her dad while cleaning and then picked up and carried to the bin.

I am angry and fucking SAD, and all I really want to do is drink, but I can’t even do that because Hydrocodone cough syrup + alcohol = perhaps I will stop breathing forever

and even thought a thirdthoughts part of me knows that the second thoughts part of me is an idiot, that second thoughts part of me is like, “but how bad would that be really”

So I’m listening to my third thoughts but I hate it. I hate everything right now.

Please tell me something good. Please.

[bluerosesburnblue]

Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 6, Part 1/2

Well, I said I’d shoot for Halloween, not that I’d make it. I legitimately wasn’t expecting the Yōkai sidequest to be so... dense. So, because of that, we’re splitting this chapter into two parts, too. I think the finale deserves an entry all on its own

We’re in the home stretch, folks. Get ready for Bravely Second Chapter 6, Bravely Second

Hey, welcome to my liveblog of Bravely Default. So Tiz, after the destruction of Norende wakes up... wait. Hmmm. Wrong brunet boy. How did we get to the Caldisla Inn?

Karl’s soothing voice is a welcome reprieve from... that scene

“Wait! Where’s Denys?” *noises of discomfort from Tiz, Edea, Magnolia, and me*

“We defeated Diamante...” No. We were denied the ability to defeat Diamante. Now it’s Denys’s burden, assuming someone can even survive at the end of time. The self-sacrificing idiot...

Magnolia is being called to return home, as the hero of her people... and the light of her communicator is clipping through her Black Mage hat. Whoops

Weird that Karl didn’t recognize Tiz until right now. What, was Yew the only one asleep? Was his hair so bad you couldn’t be sure until you heard his voice?

Even more insane that he recognizes Edea since I have her in her Ranger getup with a full face mask

“Me and Agnes and Edea and...?” “We always counted on him when we.. When we...” Tiz. Edea. Do you not remember Ringabel or the first game? I thought we just weren’t talking about him because it was a sore subject, but...

Tiz doesn’t even remember the king of his home nation. What happened to you kids?

Diamante’s bestiary states that when it fell, it destroyed a part of the Miasma Woods and split the continent in two. I assume that refers to the separation of landmasses between the Harena and Yulyana regions, since there’s... like... a crater there where I’m pretty sure there wasn’t last game. I never mentioned it, it’s just the spot where we keep boarding the Skyhold because Denys really liked parking over it?

Karl who are these two white-haired kids? Are they yours? They can’t be grandkids since Owen is...

Caldisla’s theme is still amazing. Feels like being home after a long journey. Love it when a game can do that to me.

Tiz really had forgotten his entire home and the start of last game. Edea couldn’t remember it either

Yew says he’s read about Caldisla, but he couldn’t remember what he’d read either

I am reminded of a plot point in the Korean webtoon Kubera: One Last God. In that, a person who uses time magic too much will “forfeit their existence” for a time. They disappear and don’t age, but as long as they’re vanished from existence, nobody can remember them. If someone tries to remember events surrounding them, they freeze up and then immediately think of something else, forgetting their original train of thought. I’m getting the same vibes here

I know that tinny tone, Alternis!

“I am the one who carried you out of the Skyhold and to safety.” But how did you get to the Skyhold in the first place? I can’t imagine it was still flying after we “defeated” its power source, so it must have crashed somewhere around the Yulyana/Florem area, in which case the party should be very, very dead. Dead beyond my ability to fix

“I would go to the very ends of the earth for you if you needed me, Edea.” Okay, Clearly-Ringabel, turn the charm down a notch and exposit for us

“That bloody witch... Yōko will pay!” So Yōko sealed everyone’s memories of Caldisla? How do you figure, Dim?

Ah, she gave him the cryptic message of “Go to Caldisla, the land of endings” and he had no idea what she was talking about but went anyway and his brain freaked out

He’s still wearing Edea’s bow! So at the very least it’s the same Alternis from the Geyser Grotto

You know, I’m just now realizing that it’s been two games and we still haven’t had party members from either the Yulyana region or the Eisen region. You know, one of the four main continents? Has a major magical artifact in the form of a capital-”C”-Crystal?

I mean, Tiz is from Caldis, Agnès from Harena, Ringabel from Florem, Edea and Yew from Eternia, and Magnolia from the Moon, which somehow got representation before Eisen did

...how dare they put a hidden item next to a child you can talk to. Do you know how difficult it was to get Yew to focus on the object and not the kid!? Yeesh

Hitboxes on hidden items are so finicky in this game I swear

And there was a Phoenix Down behind Owen’s grave. Thanks

Oh... oh no. Oh no I looked at Til’s grave. Oh god Tiz I’m so sorry

God he sounds like he’s gonna cry. “Til was a lot younger than me... Even younger than you.” I don’t think it ever occurred to Yew that while he was using Tiz to replace Denys... Tiz was doing the same thing back

And the Caldisla amnesia makes it worse oh no. Could you imagine? Walking through a town and slowly realizing that it’s your hometown. And then stopping in front of a grave and it’s your brother’s grave. And it only hits you while you’re looking at it that you even have a brother... had a brother

Til doesn’t get a big grave like Owen. His is one of the small, unassuming ones. The only person he meant anything to was Tiz

And Tiz is being lauded as the hero he deserves after his untimely coma after the defeat of Ouroboros. Can’t help but notice they aren’t celebrating Edea, who was also there, but eh. She’s got the entirety of Eternia to throw her a party. Let Tiz have his exotic cheeses

Heyyyyy, Egil! How’s my favorite kid who didn’t die in a mine!? Nice armor, buddy! Looking good!

Oooooooh a Junior Captain? Nice work!

A great beast at Lontano? It couldn’t be a Ba’al, could it? The only story-based one we’ve had so far is Urchin

That’s actually the one thing I think I prefer in Default over Second. The Norende Nemesis fights weren’t necessary for completion, which was good since I mostly played that game at college where my 3DS couldn’t connect to the internet thanks to how poorly set up the login information was. My 3DS just couldn’t handle it. I barely did them, and I really didn’t miss much because of it. Here, though, if I want to 100% complete the game I have to do the Fort-Lune Ba’al fights, and which ones I get are entirely up to chance. I have been doing them, though. Get a lot of Apparati (probably people sharing it because it’s the only one with a Catmancy skill), followed by Snowcap in terms of quantity. Heck, I only got my first Redshirt the night before writing this and the only Urchin I’ve seen has been the story one. Completing those Bestiary entries is probably the last thing I’ll be able to do just out of luck

“The Youth Brigade”? What, we doing child soldiers now or is this the Caldisla version of Boy Scouts?

“Tiz, would you care to introduce us?” “Of course! This is Egil. He’s like... um... a little brother to me.” Hey, Yew, meet your new favorite little brother. Egil’s family. Mostly because Tiz has chronic Big-Bro-itis, but still. He’s a good kid

Can Egil be a party member in Bravely Third, finally giving us our Eisen representation?

Tiz no. Don’t mention the Three Cavaliers. That’s still a sore subject!

Oh damn. “You must be, like, the best of the best! So why are you hanging out with someone like Tiz here?” Egil! Harsh! Tiz killed a World-Consuming snake demon, you know!

“Yew’s a good friend of ours. I guess you could say he’s like a slightly older younger brother.” These boys cannot stop taking in new brothers! It’s adorable! I love it! (See, Denys? This is what you miss when you needlessly throw yourself into a time vortex. You miss getting adopted by Tiz and having, like, 60 younger brothers.)

An earthquake? First reaction says it’s the “beast” but we are right near the Great Chasm. I hope it was just a rock slide, but it’s never that easy

It’s the Rubadub? Why the fuck did the Rubadub cause an earthquake!?

Damn, according to Sakura we’ve been out for over a week

Sakura is best team mom! She did the laundry while we were gone, fixed the damages from the Skyhold collapse, caught a ton of fish, and is already making dinner with it!

Oh... wait what? Wait. ...is that where Caldisla is? I... hrm.

So my poor geography sense ended up making the “Caldisla disappeared” plot point work because I misremembered where the whole continent was. I thought it was in the middle of the ocean between Eternia and Florem and just wasn’t on the map because the section it would be in would be cut-off and it wasn’t going to be relevant! I thought it was farther to the right! God, see, this is what happens when you change the orientation of the map on me. I can’t navigate for shit

So, hey, I read through my old Liveblogs to catch myself up for the finale just in case, and you know what I called out and had conveniently forgotten by the time I played the last chapter? Minette Napkatti is seventeen FUCKING years old. She’s OLDER than both Yew and Janne. I wrote everything last chapter under the assumption she was, like, 10! God, her being 17 is so much worse. Now it makes people treating her like a pet even creepier! How is Minette even worse than I gave her credit for! Stop enabling this girl and get her some serious mental rehabilitation!

Now, I should really look at that urgent Beast situation... buuuuuuuuut there’s a sidequest in Gathelatio!

Actually, Yew just brought up the Crypts in a Party Chat and now I’m curious. Where did the stairwell Denys was standing near... go? Does it just exit into the city somewhere?

Party Chat says Alfred said there was a secret passage between the Crypts and the Sanctum. I’m gonna go see if that’s what’s up with those stairs

“I’d rather we didn’t go blundering around the family crypts if we don’t have to” Sorry, Yew, I’m with Edea. It’ll be five minutes, max. Besides, it looks like the sidequest is in the Sanctum. I wanna sneak up on ‘em if I can

Uhhhhh... wh...

Denys? Denys did you leave this shadow-man ghost thing here? What the fuck is that?

Why is there a nondistinct shadow man near Foundar’s grave?

All it says is “Fear the Eye of Foundar... But I suppose it’s still too early for you to understand what that means. Heh.” Hey, don’t laugh! You aren’t the first person to give me awful, vague prophecies! Sylvie beat you to it by a whole timeline!

There are some bits of... probably hair dangling at the sides of Shadowman’s face. It looks kinda like Yew’s concept art hairstyle, honestly. Huh.

That’s it that’s unsettling I’m out

And hey, that was the secret passage into the Sanctum! I hadn’t even noticed a door there in my past visits. Let’s... uh... let’s just talk to Braev and forget that unnerving shadow boy

What’s the matter, narrator? “By what strange trick of fate do your paths cross anew?” getting too much for you? Braev’s been in the story for a while, I don’t think he needed an introduction

Ah. Well, the sidequest is still Edea-focused like all the others, but at least this one I can get behind. It’s Braev testing whether Edea’s ready to succeed him

And there’s still a choice, hm? Should you desire the power to cut down all foes, the Grand Marshal’s sword is in Everlast Tower. Should you desire the power to protect your subjects, the Grand Marshal’s shield is in the Central Command basement

I don’t suppose we could do both? They say the two are opposites, but I hardly see why. A true ruler knows how to balance the two. Knows how to change their persona to match the situation. To cut down your foes is to protect your citizens. To protect your citizens is to spite your foes. There’s no reason to limit your capabilities

Regardless, if they do make us pick one, I find the sword is the better option. A shield can only hold out so long without the opposing forces thinning out

“It’s a travesty! Ketchup is for burgers and fries!” God, Yew is a boy after my own heart. I’ll try any food or food combo once, but putting ketchup on a good steak seems like sacrilege

And Tiz is also a boy after my own heart. Keep it simple with your eggs. Salt and pepper is all you really need. Though I’ve never had hollandaise, so I can’t really comment on Yew’s choice

Aw, Tiz puts soy sauce on his oysters because that’s how Agnès did it when he first had them. Cute!

And it was all a ruse to distract them from the fact that she botched dinner! Oh, Magnolia, sweetheart. I appreciate the creativity but I think bringing up favorite foods was the worst thing to do

Edea thinks getting the sword was too easy... so she wants to talk to Elder Sirius? If I go, is he just gonna tell me to grab the shield as was my plan to attempt from the start?

Braev’s location is marked... but so is the shield still. I want both

“It’s what Heinkel would’ve done.” I have no problems believing that Heinkel would use an heirloom shield to grill food. That checks out

Aaaaand that’s why you ask Yew before you use his stuff to cook with. Leave my nerd son and his collections alone!

A true leader directly defies orders and grabs both heirlooms regardless! We make our own win states in the House of Liz!

And seek shield counsel with Goodman. ...screw it, let’s talk to Sirius and Goodman. I’m curious if either of them have new dialogue

Seems like they do! Unmarked cutscenes. Sirius warns Edea to be careful of all power, as any could be used for evil. But it can also be used for good. The power is not the issue, but the intent of its wielder. To cast aside any means of defeating all who would endanger those you seek to protect is foolish

And Goodman espouses the benefits of a shield. Separate the soldiers from the civilians, and have the soldiers become an unbreakable wall to repel all threats. The shield has no chance of endangering others (KH Goofy would like to have a word, sir)

Edea mentioned Dominus Harena, so I thought I’d check him out and lo and behold! He also has a scene. Ancheim makes weapons, but uses none. They fight instead with their knowledge, using the scholars of Al-Khampis to outbuild and outsmart their foes. And they can absolutely use those weapons if they want. “Don’t brandish a big sword - but be sure to have one ready when you need it” is pretty close to my life motto

Meeting Braev at Vestment Cave is the first relevant event in the Yulyana region, huh?

Vestment Cave is the place you were blessed with a daughter? Edea was born in this cave when Sage took you in? Did I know that or is that just some trivia you felt like sharing, Braev? Because if so uhhhh...? I don’t think I can get that out of my head

Oh? “I see you have the grand marshal’s sword AND shield. ...And yet you have equipped neither.” I... have Edea as a Ranger? Equipping either of those would do nothing for her. I was not aware you wanted those equipped

...you know what? Yeah! Have the big sword (and shield) but don’t brandish it! That is our answer!

“Justice must be supported by might and authority - but when it is delivered at the point of a sword it is naught but coercion. [...] A stout shield is needed to protect the people in times of war. Yet the true goal should be a world with no need for shields. The noble course is to believe in the ideal.” This sidequest is awesome

“But you have one more trial to face - together with the friends who stand beside you!” And you know what? Those friends are the only weapon a good leader needs! They keep you from swinging the sword with abandon or allowing harm to come passively! They balance you, keep you in check! Edea Lee, go and claim the position you have earned!

(I just wish that Edea was in a different outfit in that scene. Loses a bit of impact when her face is covered with an animal mask)

Damn! He revives more times than Diamante! You fucking hear that, Denys!? Edea’s dad is a harder fight than DIAMANTE

And now Edea receives the Stave of the Grand Marshall. She is, unquestionably, the Grand Marshall of Eternia. I’m so proud of my girl!

Ah! And we’re visiting her parents at Sage Yulyana’s old place! Seems Braev and Mahzer are moving out here to retire. Good for them

‘sup Alternis? ...still mad about the Grandship escapade?

Braev is taking up needlework, huh?

Okay, I love the way John Eric Bentley said “a new tea cozy!” He’s a good replacement voice for Braev in my book

That sidequest was EXACTLY what I had hoped the others would be! It was such a good character focus to showcase Edea’s growth from the beginning of the first game, and the actual elements of it were so nuanced! There were so many permutations of events. Did you obtain the sword, shield, or both? Did you talk to Sirius, Dominus, Goodman? All of them? None? Some combination of two of them? Were the items equipped when you talked to Braev? Ultimately, the structure was simple, but the narrative you got out of it was all up to you. I’d be interested to see every permutation of the talk with Braev, but I am so happy with what I got. And I’m so proud of Edea. She’s come a long way from the self-righteous, black-and-white girl of Default’s events. Eternia is in good hands

I love that Tiz being the king of cooking with leftovers is canon

...so I can’t help but notice that there’s a Fort-Lune Ba’al icon just sort of... floating there above Lontano. That’s weird.

What on Earth was that noise it made?

“I-it’s exuding a level of power on par with... No, even exceeding Diamante’s!” YOU HEAR THAT, DENYS? You didn’t even take out the strongest Ba’al!

“We can’t let Denys’s sacrifice be in vain!” Yew, honey. You’re sweet, but it was in vain the second he made it. We’re about to prove how useless it really was

Oh, it’s just a Turtle Dove? Not even, like, a special one? Alright

Not too bad. Only got close at the end there because Yew went down and I had trouble getting him back up

Certainly harder than Diamante, at any rate

So it seems the only two mandatory Ba’al fights in the game are an Urchin and a Turtle Dove, and I’m certain those were the only two that made appearances in Default as Norende Nemesis fights. So that’s why those two were added to the BD international release

Aw, Egil doesn’t understand how pendant-call works either and thinks we shoved Agnès in the jewel

Where is she? I can’t say I recognize that room. Wooden doors with a crystal-thing in the back?

And yet another person who just couldn’t remember Caldisla

I guess she was on an Airship?

And on the Magnolia Cooks sideplot: She’s really good! Her quest for recipes has led to her becoming a master of Luxendarc cuisine

“A bath has to be sot hot you can barely stand it!” I know Edea’s opinion is meant to be an extreme... but that’s how I take my showers so...

I will say I don’t jump out and douse myself in cold water, though. That’s a little much

I guess hot-bath-cold-bath followed by freezing iced lattes is an Eternian thing? Yew’s into it, too

Alternis and Agnès are already here talking to the king? We’ve almost got the whole family in one spot! (This Alternis doesn’t have a bow, though. Guess we’ve still gotta hunt down Ringabel and Denys if we want that family meetup. Why is it always the blond ones who are a problem?)

According to the king, the people of Caldisla forgot the rest of the world in turn. That’s some nonsense that’s going on

Bow-Alternis is absolutely Ringabel. Alternis doesn’t know anything about his arm being hurt or Yōko

It’s an interesting way of doing the Alternis-Ringabel thing. Last game they made them seem like the same person, too, up until the reveal by having them get injured in similar places and never on-screen at the same time. This game we’re able to tell them apart despite Ringabel actually trying to impersonate Alternis because of their differing injuries

Where do Ba’als come from and what are they? It’s a question that’s been forced to the background thanks to the immediacy of the Kaiser’s plot, but now with that settled it and Anne’s plan are all we have left to solve

I like how Yew and Magnolia got cut off in that shot, leaving only Agnès, Alternis, Tiz, and Edea. A version of the first party

Oh, Magnolia. She’s beating herself up because she never thought to ask what the Ba’als were, but still dedicated her life to stopping them. But no one knows what they are. She would’ve been asking a question no one could answer

I appreciate Yew trying to commiserate by telling her he didn’t know anything about the Crystalguard or Denys but I don’t think those situations are really... comparable? Magnolia is talking about unknowable eldritch horrors. That’s a little bit bigger than the Crystalguard stuff

“There must be someone out there who can give us a clue!” “Do not judge a carrot by its leaves, nor a man by his words alone...” Leave it to Altair to announce his timely appearance in the most dramatically dorky way possible

“It’s a ghost!” ...I mean, yeah? Technically? But we know Altair. Edea, chill. Team dad tire-man of the vegetable proverbs is here to enlighten us

So the Ba’als are Vega’s emotions given life. Born of her memories with Altair, and I imagine the fight with Geist back in Sagitta is what tipped him off. Diamante probably only confirmed it. I can’t imagine anyone else whose memories Diamante’s background could have belonged to

Altair theorizes that something found Vega’s regrets upon being left behind and gave them form to be used as weapons

And that just leaves one place the Ba’als could be from. The last place anyone saw Vega alive: the Celestial Realm

“Let’s go to the Celestial Realm!” Yew, if travel between Luxendarc and the Celestial Realm were so easy Vega wouldn’t be trapped there, Ouroboros wouldn’t have had to create a chain of worlds just to break through, and I would travel to Luxendarc just to hug you. It’s just not that easy

And Altair agrees. It’s just not... simple. Maybe not possible

“Never say never until you’re dead!” Okay, but Altair is super dead, though? He has every right to say “never” at this point

At least he’s got a good sense of humor about it

...3DS did the going black thing again

“Of course I do not... accept it...” This game does some interesting things with the concepts of acceptance and denial. To not accept something is similar to, but not the same as, denying it. I like that they brought it up like that

He’s getting desperate. Begging the party to help Vega. Altair...

“You’re our friend, Altair.” “Your... friend? Oh, thank you, my dear children!” Altair, I nominated you for team dad. You’re not a friend now, you’re family. We live to make the impossible possible. We have (or most of us have) defeated Ouroboros. Let’s go get Vega.

So who could help? As Altair said, Anne. A fairy who can control the Ba’al and who spoke of a Master. She clearly knows something about them the rest of us don’t, and I’ve still got a bone to pick with her

I’d know that place anywhere. She’s at Norende’s Great Chasm

Norende has a path between the Celestial Realm and Luxendarc... right where the Dark Aurora was... I should’ve known Ouroboros would use the weakest point in the barrier to get through

So that’s your plan, you little shit? Use this path as an express lane to get Ba’als to Luxendarc without interference from the Moon people? And then maybe get your boss in? Not happening. Nope. I refuse. Yew, Tiz, and everyone else deserve better

Funny you’re monologuing, Anne, since I know you know I exist and can, presumably, hear you. What’s their secret if it’s not the hourglass that let them keep their memories? I think you already know

They are directly using the fact that we, the player, saw that scene and now know where to go next and the party doesn’t. Party’s got no idea. That scene was for our eyes only

And the last sidequest has opened up. Yōko Yōko Yōko Yōko Yōkaiiiiiiiii

Oh thank god the Vampire Castle’s unlocked. I would’ve cried if they made me do the dragon fights again

Why should only Magnolia dress warm, Edea? You’re wearing about as much as her!

I don’t like Alternis’s helmet sitting at the door like that. Ringabel, you’d better be okay! You were my favorite last game, don’t you die on me!

Oh! My encounter rate is locked at standard. Guess I have to fight, huh? That’s... it’s never done that before

There’s a painting no one ever noticed before. Yōko in both human and Yōkai form, with a blonde child

And there’s the girl of the hour! You gonna pull a DeRosso and give us your backstory while we climb the tower?

I have never heard Vampire Castle called the Hall of Truth? Did I forget? It’s been a while. Hall of Exposition, more like

“Tiz! Do not think you can avoid the dangers that you encounter in this place.” AKA: no. You have to fight the encounters. Also, I forgot setting the encounters was a Tiz thing

“The powers of Luxendarc’s gods will not avail you.” So it’s a Celestial power Tiz was using. Assumed as much. And according to Yōko, this is Luxendarc. We play by Luxendarc rules this time (unfortunately)

So either Ringabel or Alternis can work the pendant call. He didn’t have the bow, but he talked like he knew what we were on about. Suspicious

So Yōko slept. And slept for quite a while. Twenty years ago an ambitious man came to wake her up, and with him came a girl with the Plague. The man in the painting is wearing Crystalguard clothes, and came to plunder the offerings at Yōko‘s shrine. The man was so determined to take those treasures home that he ignored the girl’s grandfather, who asked for her to be quarantined due to her sickness and pleaded with the church to let them sail. The church sent Geist. Once she was exorcised, the fleet could move. His ritual didn’t cure her at all, though. She doesn’t need to say it. I can already tell that the man was Yew’s father, Greide

Greide Geneolgia, whose greed sparked the Great Plague

She gave us his journals.

Foundar left behind texts for his descendants, texts that Greide managed to decode and use to locate Yōko’s shrine. The girl was the granddaughter of their patron from the church, sent to help them find the shrine that the Orthodoxy wanted so badly to find.

Greide used the girl to house Yōko’s soul, so she couldn’t stop them from raiding her shrine. It was there that they found the statue of Cú Chulainn that Bella would one day animate. The girl only fell sick with the Plague after the raid on the shrine. Griede’s writing comes across as paranoid. He thinks they’re being manipulated, and that his “enemies” are behind it

Judging by his outfit, the figure in this painting seems to be Geist

Hey uhhhh. Yōko? How long have you been staying here that you managed to replace a ton of DeRosso paintings?

Geist’s report went through, despite Greide’s attempts to stop it. The girl was put under quarantine and banned from travel. But another man and Greide decided to change tactics to get their plundered loot back. They asked to bring the girl to Eternia so that she could get the best medical treatment available to her. So they let her travel. And at every port they stopped at on the way back, they spread the Plague. To many continents. When the sailors began to freak out, Greide poisoned everyone aboard, including the girl. He was the only survivor, returning home with perhaps not all of the loot he wanted, but certainly enough. And one year later, Denys was born. Right on the heels of his dad murdering a whole crew of people for some sick loot

(I wonder if the timeline actually works out)

So Norzen and Braev were the ones opposing Greide the most, besides the elders. Greide looked into their pasts to see what he could use to... convince them to come over to his side

So if this happened in 2379... Denys was probably born in 2380-ish. Which seems about right? Definitely not 2384 like the Final Fantasy Wikia says. That would make him younger than Agnès and I’m very sure she isn’t over 23, which is Denys’s canon age as confirmed in the Bestiary (What are you guys doing, FFWikia?)

And this is just a painting of a huge area of gravestones with ravens.

The first deaths were in Eternia. “A sleepy border village.” And now we hear what we know from Default. Braev begged the church to help his home, and in return they sealed off all roads. Quarantined the smaller villages and left them to die. The incident that sparked Braev and the Anticrystalists’ revolt against the Orthodoxy. Braev gave Norzen full authority to investigate the Plague, where Minette’s mother would eventually discover a cure, but not before the first wave had killed more than could ever be counted

On the timeline: Greide’s 4/11, 2379 journal entry mentions a woman bringing her son and claiming he was Greide’s. Since he recognized her, he figured yeah, sure. Kid’s probably his and he can’t prove otherwise. So he took her and their son Denys in. So at the very least we can confirm that Denys was born before April 11, 2379. Unfortunately, I have no idea what year this game takes place in and can’t do math, so... I still have no idea if that date checks out?

And Denys’s mother... “left them” by 5/25 2380, and Greide became engaged to who I assume is Yew’s mother just over a year after that. And, like, jeez, Denys’s mom died when he was 1 or 2 years old? The way people talk about her it sounded like she was around for longer than that

Greide pretended to be loyal to Braev’s Duchy, but was appalled by how... businesslike they treated him. Like the idea of people not groveling at his feet because of his family name was repulsive

“There has been no warning from the Eye of Foundar...” God, is the Eye a prophecy machine? Why did a shadow man have to tell me about it in the Geneolgia corpse basement?

Hah. When Greide met with DeRosso and Sage Yulyana they called his ancestor a “sickly man” and a “monster,” respectively. And for the first time in his life, Greide felt true fear, but only at the potential loss of his status

Bestiary Tiz described DeRosso as “the pretend vampire with the baritone voice” which is really all you’d ever need to know about DeRosso

And here’s a painting of a burning Crystalguard banner. Greide disbanded the Crystalguard after Braev’s successful uprising, since the church was no longer in power and Greide wanted to keep himself and his allies out of the way of the rebellion. Houses Geneolgia and Camlann destroyed any who wanted to keep the Crystalguard together. Their biggest opponent: Janne’s father. His dying words were giving custody of his son to his squire, Angard. And Nikolai watched it all. After that, he tried to reinstate the Crystalguard and get himself and Janne a place in it. And just as Nikolai explained, the now unemployed soldiers went and looted the few villages left with survivors. And the Geneolgia and Camlann families formed private armies to save their own asses by taking down the bandits that they caused

Yew’s so shaken he collapsed. Hey, someone help my boy up? He’s having a rough day and I only see it getting worse

According to the Journals, Yew cried the whole night the attack on Jerome Balestra happened. Empathetic beyond belief, even as a baby

Seems Greide at least entertained the notion of choosing Denys as his heir. He says it himself: Denys had all the courage and skills he could want in an heir, but Yew had the superior bloodline despite his seemingly lesser talent as a kid

And he dies with some unspecified “promise” left unfulfilled

...I don’t even need to examine that painting to know who that is on the left. That’s Denys. I’d recognize him anywhere

Ah, a symbolic painting. On one side we have a young Yew grasping the Sword of the Brave, with Denys behind him. On the other side is Yōko and Danzaburō mirroring the Geneolgia brothers. It’s so obvious now that Danzaburō was just Denys in a hat and with two real arms. And I think with a different voice actor, maybe?

Yōko is a different kind of being. They called her a Yōkai, but that confuses her as she is the only one of her kind she knows. Her goal is simply to achieve true growth and lift the world into a higher plane of existence. True growth? It’s looking at yourself in the most open sense and accepting all that you are. By doing so, you become truly and fully realized, able to be the person fate wanted you to be

Girl, you didn’t have to switch forms on me

“Brave the dark depths within their heart”? Is that what you tried to do at the Geyser Grotto? Show everyone the parts of themselves that they deny to try and get them to accept those flaws and grow?

Yeah, I think that’s it. And she remembered that she never looked at Edea’s heart. Yōko... is absolutely right. Edea says she defected in the last game because she was appalled by their actions, and to an extent I’m sure it’s true, but it was also a ploy to get her dad’s attention. Selfless and selfish in equal measures. So often are actions both, and all it takes is a different angle to see it

And her other secret is exactly what I called out last liveblog: she misses Ringabel more than anything, and it kills her to see all of her friends and family and even enemies pair off while her love is probably in an alternate reality, loving an alternate her. Her love is a version of a man she should never have had the ability to meet if the worlds had stayed intact. The version of a man who wouldn’t have existed without that universal fabric being breached

“And what hurts most of all, is that he chose to leave you.” He did. He left the Edea he’d journeyed with to go try and save the Edea he’d failed. Just like Alternis is probably dismayed that she loves an alternate him, Edea probably can’t help but fear that Ringabel only saw her as a temporary replacement for her alternate self

Yoko’s being so mean since I am fairly certain she knows Ringabel is here. She called him interesting at Geyser Grotto. I know she knows who he is

OHHHHHH FUCK YEAH THAT’S LOVE’S VAGRANT

EDEA QUICK CHANGE OUT OF THE RANGER OUTFIT. GET SOME GOOD CLOTHES. UNLESS HE’S INTO RABBIT GIRLS? HE PROBABLY IS, ACTUALLY

That’s my last game fav! How’s it going, ‘Bel? Good to see I correctly identified his appearances, too. Geyser Grotto, then Florem, then Caldisla

Cute hug. CUTE HUG.

I don’t know why the revelation that it’s Ringabel means anything to Yew and Magnolia. I mean, it’s basically “You thought I was Alternis, but it’s actually me, his twin who you’ve never met!” but with the added bonus of “how did you dimension hop?”

A painting of Yōko fighting unidentified warriors. Ringabel calls them the Planeswardens, the group he’s taken up working for. They... warden planes. Which is to say they defend alternate realities. According to him, Yōko only wishes to create chaos, nothing more

“Growing as a human being is about more than drudging up old fears and traumas...” God, I missed ya, Bel

And the Planeswardens have classified Yōko as an S-rank Malevolent Spirit of Concern. So she’s dangerous, though I’m willing to listen to her spiel, at least. The most she’s done so far is emotionally traumatize us, right?

She’s over 4.6 billion years old? Because that’s just how long she’s been on Luxendarc, she’s actually older than that. Do... do you people know how time works??? (Evidently not because no one in the Glanz Empire did, but still) That’s a LONG TIME, GUYS!

No. NO. Do NOT cut to Ringabel, standing alone, going “No matter what the cost, I must defeat her!” I already had one unexpected favorite dumb blond boy sacrifice himself this game, I’m not letting you do it to the other one, too!

So Ringabel and Denys for Bravely Third party when?

And according to Greide’s journals, Foundar’s dying message was basically “If you have more than one son, have them duke it out. Winner gets his inheritance, loser is either his brother’s servant or dead. That applies to every generation after me. Have fun, losers!”

“Fear the Eye of Foundar.” What IS IT. What can it DO. Do I have to worry for my boys because I’m already worrying you don’t need to make it worse

To enter Yōko’s shrine, you have to decipher Foundar’s code using the symbols carved into the walls of the crypt. And you have to do it on your own. You cannot tell anyone how. Only then can you hope to know if you are even qualified

...Greide didn’t write “Fear the Eye of Foundar.” It simply appeared in his locked journal after he deciphered Foundar’s texts

YEEEEEEEEEW I think your family’s cursed. There’s some fucked up demon magic going on here and I DON’T LIKE IT. We gotta go get Denys. Like, now. I think you’re both doomed but he’s doomed and without Celestial guidance. And also trapped with a horse

Year AO 3. I think this is from Foundar. Proposed to by the pope’s daughter, then he spoke to Yōko at her shrine, describing her as “pitiful”

The “promise” was Foundar’s to Yōko. A task he needed someone with “the vast wealth needed to support a million souls, great military strength enough to strike down a thousand political foes, and technology advanced enough to grant a hundred men hundred-year lives” for. Greide suspects that those who failed Foundar’s request for his descendants gave up on the last part, with the Eye warning them of failure

Yōko was put to sleep to contain the first Plague. If you seal her inside the girl... the Plague returns because now the girl has it

Greide what... “Well, I didn’t get an ominous demonic message on the last page, so I should be good to go on the fulfilling Foundar’s promise thing!” N... no???

So first he wanted fame. Then he wanted the “power” Yōko bestowed on Foundar that caused his meteoric good fortune and rise through the ranks. Not a single shred of selflessness, as befitting a man named “greed”

Confirmation that Yōko had the Plague sealed within her and was put to rest in the shrine to keep it from infecting Luxendarc. I see we’ve got a morally grey fox demon here. For all she tries to help, it may do more harm than good sometimes

Greide was legitimately shocked that the Origin Plague spread as the Great Plague. His decision to poison those on their ships was due to a message from the Pope claiming he wouldn’t let any potential carriers dock

The Plague had one clear physical identifier on the effected: a star-shaped pattern on the pupil. He killed anyone he saw with that mark, and apologized to both the girl and Yōko sealed within her, who Foundar had wished to save and who he had failed

God, that star mark is just... ripe for a scene of someone turning around and having it in their eye as a dramatic reveal. If it doesn’t happen in this game I feel it’ll probably happen in a potential Bravely Third

“To my sons, and my son’s sons... I leave you this message: Blame me. Hate me. And then lead the church and this world on to a path which will ultimately eradicate the Plague that the fox girl so desperately wished to contain. To my sons... To all who come after me... Fear the Eye of Foundar. But do not fear failure.” And in the end... a moment of clarity. Who is right? Yōko or Greide, two tellers with biases that are different but no less strong?

I have never felt the pull of a sequel hook so strong in my life

Oooooh hello! Tent event with Ringabel!

And after giving him coffee, Yew and Magnolia make a hasty retreat so the Default crew can get some reminiscing done

Yes. Call Agnès. Get the quartet together again

Oh fuck Alternis picked up ABORT. ABORT.

So Agnès had him take her calls while she was in the bath, and now The Dim Twins are arguing

So Ringabel saved Braev and Alternis after the Kaiser’s attack during the first timeline. Alternis, did you not recognize your own damn voice when he saved you?

“Did you say Agnès was in... the bath?” *Edea whips her head to look at Ringabel faster than I can blink* Boooooooy you’re in... hot water now

...never change, Bel. Never change.

Did Yōko eat the team’s breakfast? The monster. Now she’s done it!

I’m gonna kick her ass and become a fox demon myself!

Yōko, that’s an amazing sword. I super love it. God, the pale pink fire theme? So rad

OH HOLY SHIT. Ringabel jumps in at random points in the fight to do his special attack!? THAT’S AMAAAAAAAZING. Love’s Vagrant may as well just be the battle theme at this point and I looooooooove iiiiiiiiiit

So, hey. Game. I see you can do this? Have a guest party member during a fight? Why couldn’t you do this with Denys!? Especially during the Diamante fight! It’s like literally every boss in Chapter 6 is designed to remind you how stupid Denys’s sacrifice was!

And Yew and Yōko‘s conversation is really something. She accuses him of bearing the sins of his forefathers, and when he tries to assert that he is himself, not Foundar OR Greide, and therefore shouldn’t be held accountable for their actions, she accuses him of denying his family. And that he sounds just like all the rest of them. Full of sentiment and idealism... and ultimately just as flawed and helpless and self-serving

So, hey, first of all leave my boy alone? Yew’s doing his best and has been this whole game. He’s the sweetest kid. You are not allowed to speak to him like that. I’ll kick your ass

Second, it just really goes to show how both Yew and Denys have spent their whole lives trying to fix a problem that shouldn’t have been theirs to fix. And it goes to show what great foils they are to each other. Denys instantly took the weight of their sins on himself, accepted them as a problem he had to fix, and dedicated his life to doing so by actively denying any good that came out of their actions and trying to undo it all. Yew is the one denying that it should be his problem to fix, yet he’s the one who accepts that what happened happened and is trying to fix the problem by looking at what went wrong and what went right and trying to smooth out the rough edges. It’s an interesting dichotomy of the acceptance-denial theme present in the narrative, where you could say that Yew’s denial led to a form of acceptance, and that Denys’s initial acceptance led to a form of denial that later had to be worked back into acceptance, but a less extreme kind

I LOVE YOU RINGABEL

God, he’s going, like, every turn! He’s using every weapon in the book! THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE

Man, and a boss that doesn’t revive? I love this quest

And changing jobs back, I see we’ve unlocked something I’ve known about for a while: Job Level 11, the hidden level. 9999 JP? That’s actually not an awful requirement

The final truth. The song of Altair is playing (and his bestiary entry has him mention that Yōko is familiar). One day, two people appeared on a glimmering ship, travelers from another world. Yōko aided them, as they looked for a way back to their own world. But a disease from their world that they had been studying in their ship’s lab escaped, and mixed with a disease from Luxendarc to create the Plague. Yōko feared for the people of this world that she loved, so she sealed the Plague inside herself and then sealed herself away, so that none could get sick again. People began to worship her as a god and built her a shrine, until eventually they, too, fell (I imagine this is Wa, the nation that sank beneath the sea eons ago, mentioned in various weapon notes, most notably katanas and other Japanese weaponry. It would explain the Japanese aesthetic of Yōko). 2400 years ago, the subject of our final painting (maybe? Nice mustache either way), Foundar, found her (..heh) and promised that while he didn’t have the means to help her, one day he would have one of his descendants free her from the Plague and her self-imposed imprisonment. Greide sealed her inside the girl to transport her to Gathelatio so that they could use their medical equipment to cure her... and we all know how that ended. It all destroyed any sense of goodness and love left within Greide, the would-be savior of a doomed spirit whose overconfidence led to a Plague that destroyed half of his world’s people

Hey, somebody hug my crying boy? Somebody hug Yew for me? Please? ...please?

Yōko is grateful to both Foundar and Greide. Foundar couldn’t save her, but could inform her that an old friend of hers was safe. Greide freed her, and even though he killed her host and left them beneath the sea, he did help end the Plague as she always wanted

Yew doesn’t even have anything to say. It’s his turn to shape the future? It is. But I know he’s gonna make it a better place

And Ringabel has to go. He wasn’t even supposed to let us know it was him; his superiors forbid it. But Yōko essentially turned this castle into a pocket-dimension that she regulates, so he figured he could reveal himself without his bosses knowing

“Edea, I never left you and I never will. Wherever... whenever you are in peril, there I will be!” ...Edea has died more than anyone else in my party, to the point where she’s a full half a level down from everyone else, even in the mid-70s. You’re sweet, but you’re doing a terrible job, pal

And to Magnolia, a job: with Yōko gone, there isn’t anyone to hold her Sins back, and they have been unleashed. (Dark summons!) No one knows fighting unearthly demons like Magnolia!

And his request to Tiz: tell Agnès he says hi. She’s the only friend he never got to see again (thanks, Alternis)

Wow, way to just warp out in a flash of light. Later, ass! You couldn’t just escort us to the door? (Trash fav)

WOW that was a dense quest. Goodness. And it’s still technically not done! I’ve got Sins to snag! But holy shit, why couldn’t the other sidequests in the game be like this? I mean, there was plot relevance! Character focus! Backstory! I’m so glad the Chapter 6 quests managed to be so good, it’s just a shame there weren’t more of them!

So the Adventurer’s fox opened a high level magic shop and... taaaaalks? This isn’t Persona 4, why is there an entrepreneurial fox here?

Hey, you shadowy DICK. What’s the Eye of Foundar!? I read the notes, fess up! Do I have to start worrying for my two favorite boys or what!?

And now he says nothing. Cool. Thanks. If anything happens to Yew or Denys I’m coming after you first

(So I think the reason my 3DS screen goes black when I put it down sometimes is because I’m putting it down on on my computer, where there’s magnets to keep it closed when I fold the screen down)

Ooooooooh looking for the Sins I found the hidden village of Chompshire in the Yulyana region. That’s what that owl guy meant during the Grandship quest

I mean it’s really pretty. Seems like an easily missable area unless you’re going for completion. Not bad, just not super important

So let’s get this show on the road and see what these sins are all about, huh?

The first sin is Asmodeus, the embodiment of lust. I mean it’s freaking sick looking? Like a floating cloak with a bunch of snake heads? There’s a blood moon rising in the background. And the battle theme rocks. I mean that literally, we have wailing guitars and some riff that sound like old-school Final Fantasy songs. Which, I mean, I guess that makes sense, since I think these guys are supposed to be cameos from Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes of Light (I have a friend who played that game a lot). The Adventurer’s a cameo, too, since Bravely was originally envisioned as a spiritual sequel to that game. Neat trivia

Okay??? It can imprison people in the Infernal Realm??? Not my boy! Bring Yew back!

Hey, he did. Thanks, you demonic monstrosity!

Guys, you look winded. That fight wasn’t that bad. Bit worrying, I guess, what with the Infernal Realm nonsense, but not awful

Sin 2 is Beelzebub, the manifestation of gluttony. I honestly have no idea how Magnolia knows what these guys are and their names, but whatever. It’s a head wearing a crown with some squid tentacles. The sky is red. He’s classified as a bug? Do enough damage while it’s in Gluttony mode (all attacks heal instead of hurt) and it dies instantly. Which is what I did. Later, doofus!

Next up is Mammon, the being of avarice (aka greed for non-pretentious folks). It’s a chick with wings, fox-like ears, and four, clawed arms coming out of her back. Her Avarice attack lets her steal the whole party’s BP, so it’s a bit of a waiting game at times.

Died the first time after getting very close and then getting wiped, level grinded everything to max in between then and the second time. I don’t forsee any more combat deaths, I’ll tell you that much

Oh, it’s a “he” according to the Bestiary? Alright.

And now we have Belphegor, a creature of sloth. And... hey, I thought I recognized this guy when fighting Yōko! It’s a weird furry guy sitting in a wheelchair. I fought this guy as a Norende Nemesis last game! He was one of the few I did. How do you like us now, man?

Okay, scratch that “no combat problems” thing this asshole absorbs anything that isn’t magic of the specific element he’s weak to. Yew? Darling boy of mine? Think you can Spellcraft Summon him into oblivion?

Atta boy

Well kids, let’s go kill Satan, the manifestation of wrath. With all the ranting I do sometimes, you guys sure I’m not the manifestation of wrath? I will say, this is probably the coolest depiction of a wrath-based foe I’ve ever seen? I mean, it’s a buff guy with four arms each holding swords, a torn black cloak, and his head doubles as a helmet and a full blown furnace! No wonder we’re fighting him near the Eisen volcano, he fits right in!

I looooooooooove Meteor Raiiiiiiiiiiin

And on to Leviathan, the manifestation of envy. AKA a bunch of wiggly serpents that go offscreen. Joke’s on you, jackass. I have Yew Geneolgia, destroyer of all on my side. Boy’s a terrifying spellcaster now

See, this is what happens when you let Yew do what comes easily to him instead of trying to make him be a swordsman like his brother. He becomes THE MOST POWERFUL BOY

Guess he had a turtle shell head? I dunno, he died too fast

And for the last one, no one’s surprised by their appearances anymore. Heck, the team’s enjoying it! It’s Lucifer, the manifestation of pride. Guy took the “fallen angel” thing and ran with it. It’s a suit of armor with a double angel wing on one side and a feathery sword-wielding arm on the other. And a dog head on its belly that bites? A’ight, man, you do you

I love my powerful magic son

And it seems Yōko’s left Yew a note thanking him. Good! You’d better thank Yew, specifically, because he did all the work!

That was an interesting sidequest... related thing? I will say, the most interesting part of it is the Bestiary entries, which take the real-world stories of these demons and comes up with Luxendarc analogues for the stories. It paints a really interesting picture of their world, but other than the references to real-world religious figures I don’t have much to say about it

Okay, I know Agnès’s hint line of “Yew... where are you going!?” is supposed to be referencing the fact that he shouldn’t know where Anne is and the player does, but considering that since we left Caldisla we’ve:

Trekked down to Vampire Castle and hung out there for a long while for seemingly no reason to an outsider

Flown across the world, stopping at various points to fight high-ranking demons in no particular order

Walked around in circles in Florem Gardens for, like, 10 or 15 hours to level grind (and bounced around to various shops to blow off the excess cash)

And gone in for a few last-minute Bestiary entries that I knew the locations of

I mean... it’s a valid question. Like, from her perspective we probably look completely insane. Or, since it’s Agnès, like we’re just as directionally challenged as she is. I didn’t do anything here I didn’t do with you last game, Agnès, but I promise. Next time...

We’re gonna go save Vega.

[sunshowers-and-sunflowers2]

I’ve had a lot on my mind this week. I realize it’s only Wednesday but a lot has happened already. Or at least I think so. So just keep on scrolling because this is me really just yelling out into the tumblr void because for some reason, it feels better posting this type of shit on the internet compared to just writing in like a journal.

So, I’ve been hanging out with this guy since I moved back to GA, and I felt like it was going really good. He was funny and the best hype man a girl could ask for. I really felt so comfortable around him; like, there was no fake Sophia. He saw almost every side of me. Obviously, nobody is perfect and there are going to be things in any relationship that you’ll have to address and work on together. Well of course, in the heat of the election, all this shit started. And truthfully, I don’t know enough about politics and policies and laws and shit to have an opinion. But I know enough to make an educated decision on who to vote for. We did the mature thing and talked about it and he came to the conclusion that he could tolerate my views. I really don’t completely side with either party; I like to think i truly am moderate and I can see the defense from both sides. With that being said, even if you have opposing viewpoints with somebody, doesn’t mean that you can’t still be kind to them and open-minded. I don’t know when politics turned into a religion. I guess it’s stronger in the south and these people are too stubborn to listen or see any other way. Anyways, it came out that I voted blue which I knew upset him. But instead of being a fucking adult and having a mature and calm conversation about it, he was all distant and weird for THREE WEEKS before I finally asked him wtf was his problem.

So, when I asked him what was going on he told me that my political stance bothered him and that I voted against everything he loved. I voted for everything he loved to be taken away. I told him that I voted blue purely because of COVID. It’s in my face every single day and I’ve literally seen people die. 45 wasn’t going to do shit. And I’m sorry, there needs to be another shutdown of some sort. Yeah, economy will suck. But uh, PEOPLE ARE DYING FOLKS. You’re not going to have anybody coming into your small business because people are fucking dying. And I’m sorry, but I care about humanity and the wellbeing of others so I’m not going to vote for the man who only cares about the economy and money. Lol i didn’t say ALL of that to him but the main talking points. Anyways, so he tells me that I support everything that he is firmly against whether I think I do or not and that he doesn’t see it working out between us.

Look, I get it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Everyone is allowed to believe in whatever the fuck they want to believe in. If you want to live in the woods and hide shit underground so when the government takes over you’re ready to live off the grid, that’s fine. That’s your prerogative. And I told him he didn’t have to apologize because that’s how he feels and that’s what he believes. It’s not my place to point fingers and tell people that they’re wrong and dumb. I don’t believe in that. I believe in kindness and doing what’s best for others. The whole breakup (if that’s what you want to call this) hurt me because as nice as he is, he didn’t see it the way I did. He couldn’t see past my blue vote. He couldn’t see the kind person on the other side who voted to keep more Americans alive. He couldn’t see the funny, spontaneous, obnoxious girl that he’s been with for 3 months. All he saw was blue, and he stopped seeing me.

Ha, and then of course he says that just because he doesn’t see it working out doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to see if it does. Which is worded horribly and dumb as fuck. AKA you want to keep me on your shelf because you’re lonely. “I’m a blind stubborn asshole and I don’t think you and I will work out because you want me to lose my job and have my guns taken away. BUT I do indeed want to continue to fuck you and use you. It might work, but probably won’t.” Fuck. Off. I’m done being that girl.

Meanwhile, I have another friend who I typically hear from pretty regularly, ya know in group text, group snap, sending memes to each other. And one day I noticed that he just vanished. Like wasn’t participating in any group chats and he stopped sending me shit. And I’ve asked his sister multiple times if he was mad at me and she said no and that he was just busy. And he answered me when I texted him yesterday but there was no substance to it and he still isn’t the same. And I have this deep aching feeling that it’s for the same God damn reason. You’re not going to associate or talk to me anymore because of who I voted for? Are you fuckin kidding me? I AM MORE THAN A VOTE PEOPLE. I AM A HUMAN BEING. We’ve been friends for like 4 years. Like good friends for 4 years. And now you’re not going to be my friend because of that? That just really hurts my feelings. And I know everyone is going to say that I’m better off without them. But, like, wtf? I thought they were better than that. I thought they had better character than that. Like, fine whatever, vote for whoever you want. That’s the whole fucking point of a democracy. You have the right to vote for whoever you want to vote for. Do it. Go for it. But I’m not going to sit here and just end shit because of it. That’s ludicrous. I know you’re a good person and I know you have very valid reasons for voting for 45. Just because I voted differently doesn’t give you the right to judge me and kick me to the fuckin curb.

Our country will continued to be FUCKED until we have more people who can see both sides and come to some type of a fuckin compromise. And honestly, I never thought my overwhelming care for other people would ever cause me to end a relationship and to lose a friend. And that breaks my heart.

[masked-disciple]

I was briefly introduced to the College Boys through your Camp NaNoWriMo story, so can I have some random facts about them?

I’ve saved this question for near the last part because hoo boy I want to yell about my Boys. Character designs are from Rinmaru with the exception of one Jules portrait, which was done by @zerolr. She also helped me create these with the exception of Lusmos, since he came later. I do believe she also has commissions open so if y’all want to buy her art, do it. Her art is awesome and she drew me Prius for like five bucks, and then I think I tipped her like another five. It was awesome and she is awesome. (Besides like- we’ve been friends for like six years and that’s good.)

So, let’s start. The College Boys are Julius (Jules), Ethan, Judas (Jude), Richard (Richie), and Lusmos. We are going through them in that order. This’ll be formatted differently because I know very specific things about them.

Julius MacIlast, Prince of Creation

Looks 27 or so. Actually around 300-400 years old. 

Irish Gaelic. Also an android, but has the accent and lived in Ireland for most of his childhood with his adopted father, Mike.

He and Prius, his destructive counterpart, look identical save for experienced things (like scars + Prius’ ankle injury). If you took Prius and coloured him white and blue instead of black and red, you’d get Jules. They also sound identical, and both require glasses.

He and Prius have a very love-hate relationship due to the original spells placed on Kharos and Lusmos. They key off of each other’s passion and are always either viciously trying to kill each other or about three seconds from professing their love to each other in some sort of Shakespearian style. They are aware of why this happens and generally blame the other for it. Reason goes out the window.

While in college, he’s currently majoring in architecture. He enjoys drawing all sorts of things from cute, chubby girls to his roommates to watercolour landscapes and fantasy-style creatures.

Once dated a girl who was actually a godshard of Lusmos. She has since vanished, but he still loves her a little and just kinda Dies in a good way when Lusmos does things she used to do. Still has all her sketchbooks and won’t let anyone touch them. (waves at Mireille)

Owns a legitimate katana. Unfortunately has no idea how to use it and mainly just has it to act more threatening since his lack of any sort of scars and vigorous shaving makes him look like a child sometimes.

Demi-bisexual. Has only ever been interested in like, three people. However, he tends to run from any sort of romantic confrontation if he isn’t completely sure of what’s going on, due to past experiences.

Smokes cigarettes when stressed, cries a whole lot when he can’t.

Loves one-upping people when he can get away with it. Is conscious of accidentally mansplaining and will literally never give you his opinion unless you ask and then confirm you want it at least four times. But if you ask one of his roommates, he’ll infodump in about 0.3 seconds.

Is the most likely to put streaks in his hair that are the bisexual and asexual pride flag colours for a pride celebration and then forget to take them out when he goes to work.

Has had a job at Orange Julius and absolutely hated the work and only went because he knew he had to for the bragging rights.

Ethan Rodriguez, Minor God of Discovery

Looks about 24, probably around 250-300 years old.

I like to think he’s Indian, or some other world’s counterpart to that. (For those who keep doing the outdated thing like me; I mean Indian-from-India, not Native American.)

Super scene. Has natural black hair but loves putting neon colours into it and the obvious black and white horizontal stripes thing into the bangs that scene kids keep doing.

Has some ear piercings, but once saw a guy get a lip piercing ripped out of his face and refuses to have any more piercings. Has not acknowledged that he could become Van Gogh with that attitude.

Adores plushies and will do anything to get his hands on cute plushies. Big or small, Webkinz or not, he loves his plushies and dolls. (Less so plastic ones- he likes huggable ones.)

Supposedly has a girlfriend named Monica that he’s always texting. Nobody has ever seen her and the rest of the boys are fairly certain he made her up. (She exists and will be featured in Starlight, most likely.)

Majors in hardware technology- surgical equipment technician or something like that. Absolutely adores sterile rooms and gore. Creepy hospitals are probably his favourite thing besides ghost children.

Would put a lacy bow on vicious gore and tell everyone how cute it is. Is probably the most destructive out of the five and nobody’s sure why he’s allowed near Lusmos at all.

Actually half-vampire, along with his little sister, Lily. This is one reason for his longevity, the other reason being Lusmos’ influence.

Is consistently the one sent to Haridor when the Boys need to get shit done with the Powers involved. Mainly because he’s the only one who can put up with Prius for any length of time.

Token straight character. He knows this and will not hesitate to play the innocently ignorant straight boy trope and pretend he has no idea that queer people exist. (Example: “I didn’t know the husband wasn’t invited to Lebanese weddings… That’s an interesting tradition. [bats eyes innocently]”)

Judas Hampton, Minor God of Justice

Looks 29, probably around 300 years old. Regarded as the oldest of the Boys.

Definitely and obviously English. Lost the accent, but hasn’t descended into saying ‘y’all’ yet.

Most serious out of the bunch. Acts very faithful to his law studies and cannot stand people who use logic to play devil’s advocate. Is the most likely to throw a very heavy law book at you if he thinks you’re wrong.

Insists he has no need for a girlfriend. Most people think he’s too focused on his studies. Is actually super fucking gay for Richie, who shall never know because he’s an idiot.

Ended up accidentally becoming Tarathiel’s older brother figure. Enjoys her company and took her with him to Ilya Karina during Wild’s Eye to go harass Maria about Apocalypse.

Is that kind of organized messy who has three piles of clothes on the floor: dirty, wore but doesn’t smell so can be worn again, and clean. Knows where everything is and is prone to crying if someone tries to organize his stuff.

Cares too much about hygiene except when it’s too much effort, like doing laundry consistently. Constantly stealing all of Ethan’s perfumed soaps because he won’t admit to liking them.

Owns two ferrets, of which he shares his immortality with. He loves his little furry scarves.

Can write you a proposal to get around any spell’s restrictions. Is very creative in how he words things and can get anyone to agree with him. Uses this power for good.

Loves talking about things he’s interested in, and often explains things to himself that he already knows over and over just because he likes going over the information. Will infodump about everything ever without noticing, but gets really excited when someone does it right back to him and he just nods and sorta bounces in his seat and hyperfocuses on the person infodumping to him.

Tries to keep a poker face at everything, usually only fails in the face of a gay joke. Likes pointing at curved things and saying they’re straighter than he is. (Often mocks his roommates’ parking jobs by saying he’s straighter than that.)

Will take a shot every time someone asks him what it was like falling from heaven.

Richard Piearson, Minor God of the Fine Arts, Messiah of Creation

Looks around 23-24. Baby faced. Probably around 250-275 years old.

Southern American boy. Probably from Texas.

Could have been a frat boy if he’d ended up dorming with the wrong guys. Unfortunately, he landed himself with the rest of the College Boys.

Majoring in fine art and design. Makes most of his living drawing MLP and livestreaming. Will not draw NSFW unless paid extra, but will do special streams for his Patreon.

Completely unaware that Jude has a crush on him. Would reciprocate if he knew, but is more concerned with Twilight Sparkle’s love life than his own.

Lusmos’ Messiah of Creation, counterpart to Terrance Redface. The only time he’s serious is when he has to do Messiah things, and it’s scarily out of character for him. He doesn’t mind it, personally, and some part of him enjoys terrifying others with the 180 he’ll do on his personality.

Enjoys fandom meta and shipping, often together, but tries to stay out of drama. Apologizes if he messes up and actually does not do it again. (For those who are wondering, yes, he does ship Flashlight. Timber can go fuck himself he’s like 30.)

Probably the cutest College Boy. Has a few girls around the internet who want to love him. Despite the bisexual stereotypes, he wouldn’t know if someone had a crush on him if he made out with them for fifteen minutes straight.

Adores flower crowns and the pastel self care and love aesthetic. Probably has a blog based around that and gets his roommates to pose for photography that he can edit and post onto that blog showcasing how pretty and handsome they all are. (They don’t always show it, but all actually enjoy participating in this.)

Tries to get his roommates to watch MLP with him. Ethan is the only one who will as of right now, but he keeps trying.

Probably bipolar to some degree, and experiences periods of mania. His productive output ends up quite questionable during these periods.

Is the one sent to Ilya Annwna because Queen Titania can’t stand to hurt someone as cute as him. He thinks she’s weird and doesn’t trust her for her friendship with Prius.

Kind of possessive of his roommates, due to bad experiences with his blood family and considering the Boys his only family. Will very well cling to their legs and beg them not to go. For this, it’s common for him to get carried around because he got scared they’d leave. 

Sometimes Lusmos will kiss his forehead trying to reassure him and Richie is completely convinced that nothing can hurt him for 24 hours after that, and then must be talked out of doing dangerous things because he thinks he’ll be fine and it’ll be fun.

Lusmos, God of Creation

This is not his Fall of Ilya Serina outfit. I have a basic idea of that sketched out somewhere and it is difficult to fucking draw.

As Jules is his vessel and he alters their body when he’s fronting, they look different sometimes. Still looks Irish, and looks a little older- about 29ish.

Technically functions as a multiple system with Jules, as Lusmos is possessing his body. However, he conjures an illusion that is solid enough to touch that makes it look like they aren’t using the same body. Sometimes, he forgets it is an illusion.

Actually some sort of elder god. Likes to pretend his pantheon doesn’t exist because his family has issues.

Wears a ribbon that Kharos used to wear, because there are spells on him that make him want Kharos around 24/7.

Highkey in love with Jules. Lowkey also in love with Richie, but has noticed Jude’s affections and knows better than to get involved. Isn’t actually jealous and figures they’ll be happy together if Richie ever stops being a dumbass and notices Jude.

Adores small animals, especially Jude’s ferrets.

Hates children, as they remind him of Kharos. Prefers the company of adults and ends up coming across as scornful and douchey around teenagers, as he doesn’t understand them.

Is super gay, but would make out with a girl for a Klondike bar. Isn’t averse to girls, but it isn’t his cup of tea.

Has a sweet tooth that can never be completely sated. Can always be bribed with candy.

Hates not being able to help or do things, and definitely hated not being able to do shit in Fall.

Is not above sassing his roommates or generally being dramatic around them in a lighthearted manner.

When given something, often gives about 500% back because he doesn’t quite understand how debt works and is very grateful for everything ever given to him.

Hides the darker parts of creation, like endless mutation that leaves things a warped shadow of what they were. Likes to pretend they don’t exist, then turns a blind eye to them and the problems they cause. Won’t try to justify it but won’t admit to its faults, either.

[jojowritesstuff]

Scars

This is a follow up to this fic I wrote a little while ago. Thanks to a certain anon who provided me with the nice little head cannon for this.

……………………………………………………………………

 It’s been almost exactly a week since the attack and Hazel has been back home for three days, a few days earlier than she was supposed to but she managed to convince the doctors that she could change the gauze and take care of her wounds on her own.  She still looked rather rough, most of her wounds covered in gauze and there was still a definite bruising going on but at least the swelling went down considerably – something Hazel was immensely glad about.

 The prescription she was given when she’s been discharged has been used up and she had to get back to the hospital to get more pills. She was reluctant enter the large building, not wanting anyone to see her like this, she felt like a monster – disfigured and hideous. She took a deep breath – as deep as her still sore ribcage would allow, mentally preparing herself for the stares before she eventually went inside taking quick steps directly to the pharmacy.

 Getting her meds went over quickly and Hazel avoided direct eye contact to everyone. She was about to leave the building when a young mother walked down the hall, a small child, not older than two years carried on her hip. She knew the little boy - discharged him on the same day she got attacked, he was scheduled for a follow up exam.

 A smile was tugging on her still lightly swollen lips, glad to be seeing the boy in much better shape than when she last saw him but as soon as his eyes fell on her he started to scream and cry light he’s seen a monster. Hazel’s smile fell immediately and she ducker her head, leaving the building immediately and rushed across the parking lot to her car.  

 Once in the safety of her own vehicle she couldn’t hold back the tears welling up in her eyes. It took her roughly ten minutes to stop sobbing and get herself under control well enough so she could actually drive back home.

 Once at home she found Raya to be back from work already, she managed to convince her boss to reschedule a few off days she had already planned so she could stay with Hazel but eventually had to go back to work.  She smiled looking up from whatever she was reading on her phone when she heard Hazel walk through the door. “Hey sweetie, how did it….” Raya stopped immediately when she saw Hazel’s bloodshot eyes. “What happened? Are you okay?” she asked, immediately growing concerned.  Hazel simply shook her head and sank down into the couch with a shaky sigh, her eyes once again glazing over with fresh tears.

 “It was awful,” she choked out and Raya immediately slung her arms around her fiancée, pulling her closer. “What wrong baby? Tell me what happened.” “I… what if those cuts and everything will leave scars?” Hazel began, her chest jolting with suppressed sobs. “What if I stay hideous forever? I can’t work anymore if I’ll scare every kid for life when it just so much as looks at me,” she managed and buried her face in Raya’s neck, letting her tears run freely now. “Hazel… You are not hideous. You’re injured and healing.” Raya told her sobbing fiancée, feeling the dampness where Hazel’s cheek touched the skin of her shoulder. “And your wounds are healing nicely, minimal scarring if any – you just said so yourself while changing the gauze last night,” she reminded her. Hazel didn’t respond at first, simply crying into Raya’s shoulder until she eventually tore away to look at her fiancée.  “Would you still love me, even with the scars and all?” she sniffled.  Raya smiled, smoothing down Hazel’s hair before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Of course, through the good and the bad.”

 It took a lot of encouragement and soothing words from Raya to convince Hazel that maybe things won’t be as bleak as she fears yet she couldn’t shake the gnawing fear that she’ll never look the same again.

 The next day Hazel was home alone again, she wouldn’t be cleared to go back to work until her ribs are healed and after reading her medical journals for what felt like the ninety-ninth time there was only so much she could do to keep her mind occupied. Eventually she found herself aimlessly browsing the internet, boredom getting to her she watched whatever YouTube suggested.  After a few clicks she ended up intently watching makeup tutorial videos, something she said she’d never do and yet it sparked her interest.

 She was so engrossed in those videos that she didn’t even notice when Raya came back home, apparently she spent way more time watching several tutorials than she though.  “I’m sorry I’m late but traffic was crazy today,” Raya said, kicking off her shoes before entering the living room. Though Hazel immediately closed her computer Raya still got a glimpse of what she was watching. “Are you…? Was that seriously a makeup tutorial you’re watching?” Raya laughed, shaking her head. “I was bored,” Hazel immediately cut in. “I need to go back to work, this staying home all day situation is clearly messing with my mind,” she tried to joke yet a blush crept up upon her cheeks and she felt like she just got caught doing something completely outrageous.

 “Can we just never speak of this again?” Hazel mumbled over their dinner later that night. “Sure, but if I catch you knitting or something I’ll officially consider you crazy,” Raya teased loading some pasta onto her fork.  “God no,” Hazel laughed. “Though, a hand knit stethoscope cozy might not be such a bad idea,” she joked.

 It wasn’t until a few days later that she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, trying out the new makeup she secretly bought while Raya was at work.  Sure, she did wear some makeup but never really bothered much with it on day to day basis – a little concealer on any possible red spots, some mascara and she was done. A full face of makeup would feel out of place at the hospital anyway. She would put on a little more in special occasions but now she wanted to see the miracles makeup was supposed to do.  Trying to hide her bruises and still healing scars just like she’s seen in those videos she mimicked each step, it couldn’t be harder than surgery she was sure. The first try didn’t quite turn out but with a little more practice she actually managed to get a decent looking result.

 She was almost done when Raya came walking through the door, a couple of hours earlier than she should. “Surprise!” she called out. “Some pipe broke and the boss sent everyone home while the plumber does his job. It’s not like we could shoot in a flooded studio anyways,” she said walking down the hall and stopped at the open bathroom door.  “Wow. So that’s why you were watching those videos.” She looked at Hazel, amazed at how normal she looked, any and all of the bruising was seemingly gone, all traces of the attack vanished besides a small bit of gauze still covering a nasty gash near her eyebrow. “It looks like nothing even happened.”  

 “You think so?” Hazel asked to confirm, unable to hide her smile which grew even wider when Raya nodded. “Let’s wait and see if you’ll even keep any scars but even if you do, like that nobody will ever notice.”

[mysticsparklewings]

Derwent Inktense Pencil Tests

Hope nobody thought I'd be abandoning my regular supply tests now that I have a Worksheet specifically for Colored Pencils! :D   (Truth be told I got these before I finished designing the worksheet, but even so, I still think proper field tests like this are necessary to really get a feel for what pencils are like to use, so I wasn't planning on ditching them anyway; and this set I'm not sure would work well with the worksheet set up, but I do plan on trying it out to see.) So just like with the Arteza Woodless Watercolor Pencils, the nature of these pencils insisted on having separate Dry (on the left; no water) and Wet (on the right; water) tests. The Derwent Inktense, as the name might imply, are ink-based pencils and are also water-soluble (both of which are selling points). The first time I heard of these, the ink-based concept really intrigued me. Typically, pencils are wax or oil based, or they're watercolor. And then you have oddballs like the Crayola Signature Colored Pencils, which are said to be gel based. Likewise, I noticed pretty quickly once I started these tests that they are very much their own unique creature like the Crayola oddballs were. Before I get into that though, a little about the particular set I got: Fresh off some commission money, I was on eBay looking around and stumbled upon this Inktense Portable Pencil Stand, listed at $30. It came with 18 pencils, a brush, eraser, sharpener, and of course the stand/case. Even at $30, considering the regular tin with no bonuses of 24 pencils goes for around $30 on Amazon (and closer to $50 elsewhere), it seemed like a good deal. I tried to look up this specific set to compare, but miraculously it seems to have vanished from the internet save for a few blog posts. Still, taking into consideration what's here, what I know about Derwent's prices, and colored pencil set prices in general, I would guesstimate it probably sold for around $40 at least. Me being me, I took advantage of the "Make an Offer" feature and haggled the seller down to $23. After having the set in my hands, it makes more sense why it's disappeared; to my surprise, the set came with a little leaflet kind of like the Faber Castell Polychromos did that talks about the pencils and shows you all 72 colors available. The cover of said leaflet features the packaging/artwork Derwent was using years ago. In the past year or so, they've switched the packaging up from a dark blue/Peacock motif to a light blue/Underwater one, but there was a switch before that (I'm guessing at least five years ago or so) going from an indigo/flowers theme to the Peacock one. The flower packaging is what's on the pamphlet. Said paper also taught me after a little looking that this set actually has different colors than water you would find in 12 or 24 sets. If you were to purchase the 12 set in addition to this one, you'd only get one repeat color, and if you purchased the 24 set you'd have five. And yet this set manages to still have a fair color range. This impressed me. (And I'm actually thinking about getting the 12 set to expand my color choices). However, there is a bit of a downside here. Even though the set was in its case and still factory-sealed in plastic with a cardboard sleeve, it shows its age. Some of the text printed on the pencils has gone dark and is hard to see, a couple had cracks on the paint-dipped ends (and I have managed to get a noticeable chip on one as a result), and most notably of a all; the zipper on the case (which structurally reminds me a lot of the case that the Prismacolor Brush 24 & 48 marker sets come in) after a few pulls just sort of fell apart in my fingers, in no less than three pieces. I have never in my life seen such a thing happen, and I can only guess that it was just old an no longer structurally sound as a result. Fortunately, that doesn't ruin everything; the case could be held shut with something like a rubber band, and I'm very sure you could just replace the little zipper bit, as the track for it is still intact. Me personally, I'm just slipping on the cardboard sleeve since I don't really travel with my supplies and I have a dedicated place on a shelf for the set. Other than that, I do actually really like the case and it works quite well for holding everything. Plus, it has enough room for up to 36 pencils, so if I do purchase the 12 set in addition to these, I could fit them right in if I wanted to. (Or if I did want to travel with the set I have I could slip in a few other supplies to take with me.) As for working with the pencils themselves... To put it bluntly, they aren't really that impressive dry. They require quite a few layers to get smooth, rich color laydown, otherwise, they're particularly rough/scratchy looking. However they do layer up pretty nicely; I didn't really notice them eventually having that feeling of "I am not going to layer properly anymore and you can't make me," and they actually layer light colors on top of dark better than I would've expected. You can see where I layered a bit of yellow overtop of several layers of pink and purple a lot better here than I would say it normal. It's not perfectly opaque, mind you, but it did surprise me. Also, some of the colors do come out notably darker dry than when you hit them with water. For example, this set didn't come with the blackest Inktense pencil; instead, the darkest is "Sepia Ink" which is a particularly dark brown. I used that in place of black both times, and I would say it still did the job nicely both times. (Just to make sure it read as black I did go over it a bit with the dark blue on the wet version, but on the dry version even without mixing other colors in I feel like you'd never know the difference without putting it next to a true black.)   Even though it does still look decent and my gel pen didn't fight me overtop of these, I was underwhelmed by using the pencils completely dry. (The white being specifically disappointing.) I think it's fairly obvious these become a little more special when you use them with water. For one thing, most of the colors become more vibrant when wet, and mixing and blending them together feels better. And yet they retain that same quality of the lighter colors going over the dark colors really well. The only thing is they don't melt down the way watercolors do; it takes more water the get the texture of the pencil to fade away and to really get them going. Or to re-activate if you didn't fully activate them the first time. (As they're supposed to dry permanent if you've fully activated them). Whether this is a good or bad thing really just depends on what you're trying to do. Fortunately for me, this strange nature lends itself to fairly nice textures for galaxies. But if you're expecting the smooth, easy texture of watercolors or watercolor pencils, you're going to be disappointed. And possibly frustrated. Although, using them wet I was able to pick up the pigment directly from the pencil tip with the brush (and I did use the one they came with; no issues there) and tip the brush to get some splattering, and I have to say that I did try just dipping the pencil tips straight in the water and it made them very temporarily really nice and creamy to lay down. And that method also made the white much more opaque and better to work with for the stars. I wasn't too surprised that my gel pen was pretty agreeable with both versions; the ink base in the pencils made me suspect they'd be compatible and get along okay, and I was right. The most important thing about the pencils, after testing, I'd have to say is all in the name: Inktense. The colors of the pencils are intense, deep colors, like what you would get out of an ink pen. Even with all 72 colors, I don't think you'd have much in terms of bright, pastel colors. to work with. They can be very vibrant, but they're very saturated colors. I think this might also be why there's only 72 to being with; there's probably a limit to what kinds and how many colors you can make with the ink base. Overall, I do like them, but I don't really recommend just using them dry with no water. They just take some getting used to since they are really different. I'm not sure I'd recommend them for beginners because of that. Still, I know I will be asking the Easter Bunny to bring me the 72 set in a few weeks. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be waiting with bated breath for some other supplies and a book to come in the mail. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[brooklyndrinksandgoeshome]

It’s embarrassing, the last three written entries on here have mostly been about people passing away as if I’m surrounded by the all-encompassing grim reaper everyday at every turn. I mean, this is what happens when you write about the past and naturally the people who are no longer with us will get a bit of extra space because all we have from them now are memories, but for fuck sake, I’m not mister doom and gloom all the time. If anything, it seems as if I’m surrounded by a self-contained bubble of early 90s Japanese wrestling, 70′s power-pop, Radio Garden, this Oliver Sacks book that I’m hoping to finish before the end of the week and curling. No really, curling. Seriously, curling rules.

I haven’t written that much about music in the last several years mostly because of burnout and if I’m not careful, it’ll start to feel like a job and I’ll want to put it off until my non-existent deadline creeps up on me which I can push back to infinity without any consequence (hell, it’s taken me a week and a half to finish this pointless exercise anyway). Besides, critiquing music as a serious profession, I’ve come to realize as the years have past is, well, kind of stupid; like if you don’t have anything nice to say, just ignore it and all the bad music will all hopefully vanish, right?  

That being said, I do wonder why a lot of bands from yonder past never never got the credit or recognition they deserved. Usually from a DIY perspective, I’m quick to blame poor distribution deals from a company run out of their mom’s basement, or a local band who never played beyond the same 20 people at the same club for their entire existence, (this plagued almost every Detroit band from the early-80s until the late-90s) or just plain old self-destruction that still bites people back, whether if it’s drug addiction or a fear of failure/success. My personal favorite --and I can’t find it on the internet to save my life right now, was when a jilted ex destroyed all but a hundred copies of her boyfriend’s first and only EP of his band, thus making it an instant collector’s item with their tracks being discovered fairly recently on a Killed By Death bootleg.

I also think my own opinions on music have always a been a bit left of center as I get bored way too easily and I quickly turn into a crotchety old man whenever Pitchfork creams their jeans over another Garageband produced dance track that sounds as boring and milk toast as any song put together from laptop bloops and bleeps.* Feeling this old out of touch makes one resort to the jazz or country section of any used record store, or when anyone asks me what I listen to these days, I usually say “podcasts.” But something about the aforementioned 70s power-pop obsession has arrived after a brief yet expensive summer of Northern Soul collecting that got put on hold as I have a hard time paying more than $20 for a 45; yeah, this phase didn’t last very long. Before that, it was Sun Ra who has literally hundreds of releases under his always spotty discography and after awhile, it became overwhelming search through scores of, I’m sorry, no disrespect, bin fillers, to eventually find a reissued gem like Sleeping Beauty or Lanquidity. Before that, it was electronic, sci-fi synth soundtrack sounding 70s prog made by the guy who use to drum for The Shadows. Did I mention that I get bored way too easily?

Even by record nerd standards, I know I have some unpopular opinions on popular unpopular music: Big Star weren’t going to be next Beatles ever and they probably have five good songs top. As much as I love The Jam, Style Council have a handful of tracks that blow away anything else Paul Weller’s ever done (oh snap, fighting words). With a few exceptions, The Yellow Pills comps are wildly overrated with a lot of tracks sound more like a second rate Rick Springfield --even if it was the point for a band to be the next Rick Springfield. Also, it still bothers me that The Fastbacks, mostly ignored for their entire 22 year career, got more recognition when they opened for The Presidents of The United States of America when “Peaches” was in heavy rotation. Seriously, I’ll take Answer The Phone Dummy over any 90s Sub Pop release any day.

The Keys: I Don’t Wanna Cry

Produced by Joe Jackson and still managed to have only found a recent audience from the depths of obscurity thanks to a Youtube hero. Not bad, but probably too nice and squeaky clean as The Buzzcocks and Undertones already did this way better and louder. Still, the singer hits those high notes with ease and could have easily been a hit if it was written for, I don’t know, Elvis Costello or someone else a bit more angsier. 

The Letters: Nobody Loves Me

Again, way too wussy and self-hating even by pop-punk standards, but I still love this track as it’s bouncy pogo energy and raw production more than make up for the shitty lyrics. One and done, never heard from again until a 2002 CD reissue of their mostly unreleased discography, or is it a reunion record? I don’t know.

The Tours: Language School

Another one and done from the UK who got plenty of hype from John Peel, signed to Virgin and imploded within a year never to be heard from until Cherry Red reissued their unreleased album a few years ago which is now also going for a steep price on Discogs. Nice short, poppy number here that if anything, makes you realize how much (again) the Buzzcocks influenced a generation of UK bands in the late 70s-early 80s.

20/20: Remember The Lightning

I first remember hearing about these guys from the well meaning Radio Heartbeat Records who reissued a single that quickly went out print along with the rest of the labels discography --some moved on to form Captured Tracks who eventually went on to re-release all of Milk ‘n Cookies output on a (sorry) completely unnecessary 2xLP box set, huge picture book included. 20/20’s first album got lost in the shuffle of another busted label (notice a trend here) that got swallowed up by Epic Records, which is a shame because we could have had a punkier younger brother of the Knack.

De Cylinders: I Wanna Get Married

Spontaneously heard a live set of these guys on the always fantastic, very missed Cherry Blossom Clinic on WFMU and rushed to see their record release/only American show ever in front of a dozen others at a random Brooklyn bar. The wonderful Sing Sing Records reissued this single and naturally, there’s a way out of print CD discography compilation  that’s only available in Japan for like $40 bucks on Discogs. Uh, I have to find a job first.

Nasty Facts: Drive My Car

God, I love the internet. This gem would have never been discovered if it wasn’t for some Youtube hero who posted a vinyl rip of a bootleg as the original pressing is long gone --cheapest one I found on Discogs going for $70 and it’s tough being a cheapskate and a record collector at the same time. Anyway, punky rocky from New York with a singer who sounds like less gruff but equally badass Joan Jett; America’s answer to the Rezillo’s! Get on it, weirdo!

Ail Symudiad: Garej Paradwys

Probably never made it farther out than Cardiff because everything’s in Welsh, but they put out a surprising number of singles that were all pretty consistent throughout the 80s --I’m pretty sure this is their third one. Full of energy despite the weird guitar effect pedals used throughout the song and if you’re curious, they’re called Second Movement and according to Google Translate, this songs about partying in their garage. I don’t know, I didn’t go farther than their “Paradise Garage” song title.

The Elevators: Your I’s Are Too Close Together

The least punky song on here, but it did make me laugh out loud the first time I heard it. I mean, of all the reasons why he won’t go out with her, and he lists everyone one on here, her facial structure was the final straw. Probably a wee mean spirited, but the lyrics go perfect with the chorus, high notes on the lead guitar and all.

The Records: Starry Eyes

Saving the best for last. There’s no excuse, this should have been a huge hit. I mean, it’s great that we have our own song to share with our closest friends --for example, a heartbreaker of an ex or whatever it was you want to call it when we had an on and off again thing in 2012 introduced me to this and well, all it did was prolong some coulda-woulda-shoulda feelings that lasted a bit longer than it should have. Anyway, this song’s a power-pop masterpiece that, unintentionally or not, sounds like an unreleased Big Star track and it makes me angry that these guys got swept under the rug for whatever reason.

I’m tired and I’ve run out of adjectives, just like how I use to back when I (barely) made a living writing about music, no benefits, no thesaurus. Will try to write more about something like Atsushi Onita or how much I love The Great British Bake Off or something. 

*Nothing made me feel more out of touch with underground/contemporary music when I had a hard time understanding what the big deal was with The Fiery Furnaces, but when I couldn’t get away from Animal Collective, that’s when I get up and settled into a WFMU k-hole. I can tell you the exact moment sometime around the end of 2007, on the 7 train heading into Long Island City for work, reading The Metro --I’m a sucker for free daily newspapers no matter how badly written, and came across their best album of the year list with Strawberry Jam being number four or something. “This album rules” the brief review started and once again, I just didn’t get it. I don’t always take part in any schadenfreude, but I’m glad significantly less people give a shit about them these days.